Episode 1000754887060

2:01 Voiceover Actually oriented content, content, content. Listener discretion is advised.

2:10 Voiceover Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

2:15 Adam Yes, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, he is Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician, an addiction medicine specialist, and welcome to another fabulous chapter of The Best of Loveline.

2:26 Drew Yes, it really is the best, isn't it, when it's the best?

2:29 Adam Yeah, now here's the thing that's going to sound a little confusing, we're starting tonight off with Tom Arnold, and I know he doesn't sound like the best.

2:35 Drew No, he was excellent.

2:36 Adam Yeah, I know, you know why? Because he told that story about working at a slaughterhouse, shooting pigs, and his sister being in prison.

2:44 Drew That's why I like Tom, really.

2:45 Adam It's good times. Speaking of the best, we got Jimmy Kimmel, my beloved Jimmy Kimmel, the Emmy Award winning Jimmy Kimmel will be on here.

2:52 Drew Jimmy Kimmel, your life partner?

2:54 Adam My partner in Ace, Jimmy Kimmel will be here. Cypress Hill, these are friends of the show. They get mellower every time we see them because they've smoked 10 kilos more of weeds since the last time we saw.

3:06 Drew It's a case in point, isn't it?

3:07 Adam Kim Coles is going to come in here and talk about why the blacks hate the Jews so much.

3:12 Drew Yeah, I got some feedback on that show, actually.

3:14 Adam We got to the bottom of it, finally.

3:16 Drew Yeah.

3:16 Adam Thank you.

3:17 Drew Yeah.

3:17 Adam And my neighbor, John Cryer, is going to come in here.

3:21 Drew You remember him.

3:22 Adam You remember Ducky Boy. He's going to come in and talk about what a delight it is living next door to me. Tonight, we'd like to welcome back to the show, Tom Arnold.

3:30 Best Of Hey.

3:31 Adam Good to see you, Tom.

3:31 Best Of Good to see you guys.

3:33 Adam You know what I like about you, Tom? Always evolving, a real work in progress. You know, every time you see Tom, he's either kicked something or lost something. Yeah.

3:42 Drew Gained something.

3:43 Adam Gained something.

3:44 Best Of Yeah, exactly.

3:44 Adam Got out of a relationship, put down a crack pipe, dropped 40 pounds, he's on to something.

3:49 Drew Yeah.

3:50 Adam And it's nice.

3:51 Best Of It is nice.

3:52 Adam You never know who's going to show up.

3:53 Best Of Exactly what I'm bringing. Yeah, it's all good.

3:56 Adam Well, you look good.

3:58 Best Of Thank you.

3:59 Adam You look like you're in great shape.

4:01 Best Of Oh, I'm in fair shape. Yeah. I'm in good shape for me.

4:04 Adam Yeah.

4:05 Best Of Yeah. A lot of exercise, working, doing an hour and a half of cardio every day.

4:08 Drew Every day.

4:09 Best Of Yeah.

4:09 Drew Dating.

4:10 Best Of I'm dating. You got to be in shape for that. Oh, you know, you got to be in shape to get the date. And then you get it locked in. Then you can gain it back. Yeah.

4:20 Adam Yeah. It's funny how you care about looking good for a short period of time in a relationship. And then after that, it's like you're cramping with the door open and it's like, honey, I got a zit on my back. Get that, get that paper clip and see if you can get it.

4:32 Best Of They like doing that though. Well, women are, half women love that, other half hate it. But the ones that like it, love it.

4:38 Adam Yeah. They're, they're like those monkeys that groom the other monkeys.

4:41 Best Of They're collectors too. Oh, geez. They'll collect the remnants.

4:44 Adam Oh, no.

4:45 Best Of Oh, I've seen it. I've seen it collected and eaten. Oh, I'm gonna tell you. I'm not gonna say who. I'm not gonna say who, but it's, I've seen it happen.

4:54 Oh, my God. I have not.

4:55 Best Of Nobody recent. Let me just put it that way.

4:57 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Women, women love futzing, futzing with a guy. And, you know, it's funny, a man wants to touch a woman sexually, but other than that, he don't want a lot of contact with her.

5:07 Best Of I'm a hugger. I like to tell. Oh, I do. All right.

5:09 Adam But that's still, it's still almost a precursor to sex. But what I'm saying is, is you're not, you're not, you're not picking out any black heads or wiping any asses.

5:19 Drew No, no, no, no.

5:20 Best Of They don't usually, do they need that?

5:23 Adam There's apparently a fair amount of maintenance that goes on with these ladies.

5:26 Best Of I think, is that right?

5:26 Drew Men don't really want to be reminded of the fact that it's a biological entity that they're talking about. It's a pillow, it's an angel.

5:33 Best Of Right, right. Right.

5:34 Adam Like, I like to look at women as very elaborate, sophisticated, inflatable dolls. You know what I mean? Like, they really got it right this time. But you certainly don't want to walk by the bathroom and see some tampon or something rolling around or anything like that.

5:48 Best Of Right. But you know, you're the first guy to offer to whip it out of there if you want to get too busy.

5:54 Adam Oh, Thomas.

5:56 Best Of Hey, don't worry. I don't mind that, honey.

5:58 Adam No, I know.

5:59 Best Of I'll get a towel. Anyway.

6:02 Yeah.

6:04 Drew See, Tom's a man.

6:05 Best Of I am a man, for God's sake.

6:07 Drew I'm a pussy like you are.

6:08 Best Of Exactly.

6:09 Adam What about like when the maid comes around or something?

6:12 Best Of How about the dog? That's worse. Dog running through the house. What she got in her mouth, for God's sake. Stop it, company.

6:21 Adam You're good for money.

6:22 Best Of I'm OK for money. Yeah.

6:23 Adam And you're working. You're doing movies.

6:25 Best Of I'm doing I'm probably not working as much as I'd like to.

6:27 Adam But here's the question. Will you ever work as much as you'd like to?

6:31 Best Of Well, you know, there was a time when I worked too much, and that's probably why it's been harder.

6:35 Adam Here's the question. Could you do two movies a year, have some free time and sort of relax? I mean, could you do that?

6:44 Best Of If I could guarantee that I would have two good movies a year, you know, supporting roles in good movies, and then then I would probably maybe do a little stand up. But I mean, you're a guy that's had what you got the one show and you had that other show and you got this show and you got commercials. Yeah. So what's the deal?

6:59 Adam What am I talking about?

7:01 Best Of You understand, you're right.

7:02 Adam But I always, I always think to myself if I could just slide into doing a couple movies a year, I would gladly just stay home.

7:08 Best Of You think that?

7:09 Adam Okay.

7:10 Drew No, no, he would stay home. Oh, he is a panty ass. He has to work.

7:14 Best Of Yeah.

7:14 Adam Okay. Thanks for defending me by the way.

7:17 Best Of Work is hard though. It is. I'd like to get the offer, but I don't like to do it. You know, like I was glad when you guys called, you know, that sounds great. And then it got closer and closer and I was like, oh my God, even tonight, I was watching the game and I was going, okay.

7:32 Adam You gotta put my ass off the sofa.

7:34 Best Of All right.

7:34 Adam I know. Thank you by the way.

7:36 Best Of Thank you.

7:37 Adam Jessica?

7:38 Yeah.

7:38 Adam You're 18. What's up?

7:42 Caller I have two problems.

7:44 Caller It's like one of them is I know, I know when I get off those things, but I don't hardly ever.

7:51 Adam What? What did you say?

7:53 Drew She knows when she gets off, but she doesn't hardly ever.

7:55 Adam I see.

7:56 Drew Rare orgasm, right?

7:58 Caller It's like I only had like a couple.

8:02 Drew You're talking about during intercourse?

8:04 Caller Yeah. Which is? I don't like somebody like going down on me or anything.

8:09 Adam Yeah. Well, we make a good couple. Why don't you like that?

8:16 Caller I don't know. I talked to my friends about it, and they're like, you are crazy. I don't like it.

8:22 Adam Too intense? Too intimate?

8:25 Caller No, I just, it tickles.

8:29 Drew Yeah, too intense, yeah.

8:30 Adam Tickles is sort of too intense, right?

8:32 Drew Yeah.

8:33 Caller Yeah, I guess.

8:34 Adam All right. What if the guy wasn't wearing as much jewelry? I mean, what if he just slowed down a little? Took it easy on you.

8:42 Caller I can't handle it.

8:43 Adam All right. But you can have an orgasm on rare occasion when you're having intercourse.

8:47 Caller Yeah, but it's like not that often.

8:50 Best Of Do you like to, are you on the bottom usually?

8:53 Caller I like it anyway.

8:55 Best Of Anyway, some people like to be on top and it touches them better.

8:58 Adam Yeah, women can sort of work that area a little better when they're on top. Actually, but at 18, isn't it still developing?

9:11 Drew Yeah, absolutely.

9:12 Adam So don't put so much pressure on yourself, Jessica.

9:15 Drew Find a relationship somebody really care about and you won't be so focused on that, the climax.

9:19 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

9:21 Caller Well, kind of. He's like coming back from California. He don't know if he wants to move back or just.

9:27 Adam Okay. Here's my point. I bet it'll be easier for a guy to go down on you if you're having a good relationship with the guy.

9:34 Drew Or you'll just, you know, you'll relax. You'll be more involved in the intimacy and some of this.

9:40 Caller I like don't have that often.

9:42 Best Of Maybe you should masturbate because that's a way. So honestly, that's a good way to get to know yourself. Know what you like. You're secure. You know, you can make it happen yourself. So then you teach the guy.

9:51 Drew You see if you agree with me on this is an interesting thing about women is that they they the only thing we know how to communicate with them about masturbation is using sort of terms and mechanical descriptions that are suitable to men and women just it doesn't make sense that could you could you masturbate, Jessica?

10:08 Caller Yeah, but I really seriously don't like it.

10:10 Drew It doesn't do anything for it.

10:11 Best Of Really?

10:11 Drew Yeah, they just say, it just says they have to they have to connect with an emotional experience that is a sort of an intimate place in order for all that sexual material to sort of function. Yeah, for me, it's like, hey, you put it here, you do this, and it's mechanical period.

10:25 Best Of Right.

10:25 Drew For women, there's a central nervous system.

10:27 Adam You know, what I, what I, what I, Tom, what I call that intimate place where I go to masturbate for myself, I call it earth.

10:34 Best Of Right.

10:34 Adam I don't give a rat's ass where I'm out in the yard or at my parents' house. Doesn't matter.

10:39 Best Of But that's because you're older. When you get older, because when I was Jessica's age, I was too embarrassed to admit that I did that. I would say, no, my friends, we make fun of each other. Now that I'm 41, I've got a whole system. You know, it's the same video, the towel, half wet, half dry, astroglide.

10:55 Adam Oh, half wet, half dry.

10:56 Best Of Half warm water on the one side and dry on the other for the cleanup afterwards. And then, you know, you got, but I'll tell you what, you get lube on the remote control, you're in trouble.

11:06 Adam Yeah.

11:07 Best Of But so you got to use just the one hand. But it's a whole system and it really works for me.

11:10 Drew Same tape.

11:11 Adam Ashley, what's up?

11:12 Best Of Yeah.

11:13 Caller You know what? I actually made up my question. I apologize for that, but I'm dying to talk to you guys.

11:18 Drew Great.

11:19 Caller I just think you guys are awesome. And I totally admire you for all the time and energy you spend on these colors. It's really cool.

11:26 Drew Wait, wait now, Ashley. You heard Adam doesn't spend much energy at all. If you have to spend energy, you start screaming at him.

11:32 Adam Well, that's energy, isn't it?

11:34 Best Of That's true.

11:35 Adam Yeah.

11:36 Caller I go to a really small private girl school and there's not much information circulating to say the least.

11:41 Drew So where do you live?

11:42 Caller San Francisco.

11:44 Adam What kind of outfits do you wear there?

11:46 Caller Britney Spears outfits.

11:48 Adam Oh, really? Seriously?

11:49 Caller It's pretty bad.

11:50 Adam Oh, my God.

11:56 Adam You know what I mean? I think you guys should be wearing orange jumpsuits like prisoners. You know what I mean? I mean, you know, I mean, think about it for a second. I know it sounds I mean, this is a problem, right? I mean, there's a lot of young women pregnant being sexually assaulted and stuff. You put them in the pigtails and the plaid skirt and knee high socks. And you're asking for trouble.

12:18 Drew Are there problems there, Ashley?

12:20 Caller Well, not really. It's just it's kind of weird to have these girls with really short skirts and makeup, you know, when it's all girls, it's kind of weird. But no, not really.

12:30 Adam Do the girls still get dutted up or primped for each other? Yeah, that's amazing. You go to an all boys' squad, we walk around a pair of sweatpants with an erection or like mustard on it and slippers, you know.

12:43 Drew And lunch on your chest.

12:44 Adam Yeah, I mean, forget it. Are you kidding? I mean, why? Why are they getting primped?

12:51 Caller I don't know.

12:52 Drew Is it in the middle of the city?

12:54 Caller Yeah, it's in Pacific Heights.

12:57 Adam But women do compete with other women, I think. And men compete with other men when there's women around or in sports, but not amongst each other when there's no women around.

13:08 Drew They're just physically competing.

13:10 Adam Yeah, I mean, yeah, they see who can eat the most bakos. Right. They do smart things like that. I love that. I have my friends like once. It was great, like three of them, to see how much water they could drink. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. In 10 minutes, you know, they all vomited. Yeah, that's correct. It's great. It's great paying guys like I have a friend that paid a guy a hundred bucks to eat a cube of butter and he vomited.

13:33 Drew Right. Yeah, it's paying guys to vomit, basically.

13:36 Adam Paying guys will pay guys to torture them. It's great.

13:40 Drew Asher, do you have a question?

13:41 Adam No.

13:41 Caller Actually, I do have a couple.

13:42 Drew Oh, okay.

13:44 The first one is Adam.

13:45 Caller I'm just kind of curious, where did you get your working around metal theory?

13:49 Caller Oh, you mean working around metal?

13:50 Adam The men who work around metal?

13:51 Caller Yeah, I'm just curious where you got that.

13:52 Adam And why I don't trust them?

13:54 Caller Yeah.

13:54 Adam Well, it's mainly guys. Blue collar is a pretty scary way to go with the guys. That's per capital. That's alcoholism and rapists and child abuse and stuff like that. And then even that has a pecking order. And I guess, you know, sort of Finnish carpenter sort of at the top and it works its way down to welder. And I worked with a guy when I used to do earthquake rehab work, I worked with a couple of welders. And they're the scuzziest guys in the world. Most welders get into welding so that they can fix their motorcycles. They're usually bikers who get jobs at muffler shops. Now, I'm not talking about a big chain, Minike or something, or Midas or something like that. But go to a hole in the wall muffler place and take a look at the dude who's sitting in there with that scraggly beard and he's got his hog leaned up against the wall, and he's got all his nudie magazines everywhere. And I worked with this dude named Russ. And Russ told me the first day I met him, and that's what I like about these guys. The first day I met the guy, he was telling me how he put pop rocks in his wife's coups and ate it. And I thought, you know, I've known you for four and a half hours, and you're telling me how you violated your wife with candy.

15:02 Best Of Did you ever do that with anybody?

15:04 Adam No, I never did the pop rock thing.

15:05 Best Of I mean, it seems like something that would be in the back of your mind and come up, you know, just happen to have some.

15:09 Adam You figure Russ planted the seed.

15:11 Best Of Exactly.

15:12 Adam But no, I was so disgusted by the look of this guy, Russ. He was like toothless and he was scraggly. You know, when guys are really skinny and look really out of shape at the same time, it's kind of a tall order, but it's really bad. Like, like super skinny with a gut.

15:27 Best Of Yeah.

15:28 Adam And that was that was Russ.

15:30 Drew Did you did you work before?

15:32 Best Of I worked in a meatpacking plant. Yeah, that's a whole different that's a whole different animal because, you know, we got guys in there that are, you know, the guys that were in livestock who actually did most of the killing are a different breed than the guys who did the cutting, you know, and they get, you know, it went to, you know, it was in Iowa back in Tomlinson.

15:50 Drew It's like people follow the path of least resistance. They go to the place where they don't feel.

15:55 Best Of Right.

15:55 Drew You know, we were talking to Kim Cole about this last night. She had some experiences where she couldn't understand why she was going back for some abuse. And it was like, she didn't even notice that she was being abused. Right. They didn't have a feeling about it.

16:04 Adam I couldn't imagine working in a slaughter house.

16:06 Best Of Oh, I did it three years. Three years. No windows. You know, it's 5,000 hogs a day we killed and, and you know, they cut, you know, just cut them up, but it was the best job in town. My grandpa worked there 50 years.

16:20 Drew Same kind of job?

16:21 Best Of Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I had my nickname was Gunner because my job, if the hog had a broken leg, my job was to shoot it in the head and, and kill it, you know, put it out. It's misery. And, and so one day there was six of them with broken legs and it was lunchtime. So you're supposed to shoot them one at a time and then hang them up and then cut their throat, you know, like the humane way. And I just shot them all and then went to lunch and they condemned them. They said these can't be used and then I almost got fired and then I got the nickname Gunner.

16:45 Adam Because they hung out for a while.

16:47 Best Of Yeah, you got to cut their throats right away to get that blood out of them because it taints them. As soon as they're dead, they have to be hung up by their backhoof. And they do what the way they usually say with hookers, by the way. I don't know if people know that people should eat meat to know this. But the way they do kill them, they shock them and it drops them down. Oh, they walk onto a grate or they walk onto it and they put this thing comes on their back with these prods and it just shocks them and knocks them out. Then they hang them up by their backhoof and cut their throat right away. That's how they kill them.

17:16 Adam When did the shocking part come in?

17:18 Best Of That's for the humane. They used to hit them in the head with a hammer and a lot of times you have to hit them a whole bunch of times.

17:27 That's not good.

17:28 Best Of That's not good. But this way is sort of humane.

17:30 Adam Okay, so they do the shock or they can choose lethal injection.

17:34 Best Of Exactly.

17:35 Adam But they give them the shock and then you have to slit their throat and hang them immediately.

17:38 Best Of Immediately.

17:39 Adam What's the average weight of one of those hogs?

17:41 Best Of About 250 pounds.

17:42 Adam Okay, so you got to get them up on a hoist or something and bleed them immediately because the blood sits in them for any period of time.

17:47 Best Of It's screwed up.

17:48 Adam Once they're dead, obviously.

17:49 Drew They're condemned.

17:50 Adam Oh, they're condemned.

17:50 Best Of They're condemned, yeah.

17:52 Adam Yeah, that's got to, you got to feel good when you're a hog that Tom Arnold just put a 44 slug in your head and you're going out in the dumpster. Nice. Nice life. Thank God you're here.

18:02 Best Of Exactly.

18:03 Adam So, now you got to shoot the ones or you had to shoot the ones who had a bad leg.

18:08 Best Of Well, they were broken.

18:09 Adam They were hurt.

18:09 Best Of Yeah, they couldn't be hung up because their leg was broke. It wouldn't hold by the chain. I mean, it's sad, but, you know, that's the way it went. You know, I worked on farms, then I shot them and then they were dead and then we used them for other types of activities like, you know, pepperoni for pizza. We would get these boars in that had been out like, you know, 1800 pounds that had had tusks and they'd been in the farmer's fields. They had didn't know where they were for years. They bring them in. They're so big and mean. We try to weigh them and they're so violent. You got to be careful. And well, one guy had this big bar. And as soon as they were, they'd be knocking people around. They killed a guy once and knocked me around. He'd take that bar. You know, wait a minute.

18:51 Adam Did you eat the guy?

18:53 Drew No, no.

18:55 Adam Well, they had to.

18:56 Best Of The inspector was down by, but this is how crazy these people are at work there. And then, you know, the testicles in the back, he took that iron bar and just gave him a little tap and then it would kind of settle down and then they could shock them and cut their throats. Right.

19:09 Adam Right. Oh my God. And what would that, to me, that's it's like Vietnam.

19:14 Best Of It's, it was hard.

19:15 Adam You work in Vietnam. You're going and punching at Vietnam.

19:18 Best Of It was hard. But that's just on the kill floor. If you're in a ham bone or something like that, you don't really see that. You just see the hams. You, they aren't, they aren't human. They aren't animal. They aren't alive.

19:28 Caller Right. Right.

19:28 Adam Yeah. But being down on the floor when they're, you know, especially after, did your mom read you Charlotte's Web when you were grown up?

19:35 Best Of No, we didn't have to read.

19:36 Adam OK, good man.

19:37 Best Of Because I understand. I've read it.

19:38 Adam There's a pig in that.

19:40 Drew Do you eat meat?

19:40 Best Of Oh, yeah. I used to eat meat. I'd cut a ham and come by. I'd cut a big chunk off and cook it in my meat cleaner. You know, you had a little hot steamer there and eat it. You know, whoa, whoa, whoa.

19:50 Adam What was the hot steamer? Well, you have a fondue bowl.

19:52 Best Of Yeah, it's like a big, it's like a cup that's full of hot water that keep you clean your knife in it and it's boiling and you just cut a piece of ham off and put it in there and eat it. Yeah. Nice.

20:05 Adam And I'm a Jew. This is why you're scared to not work by the, now listen, you're not Jewish when you're in Iowa.

20:11 That's true.

20:12 Adam That's true. No wonder the guy's scared to turn down work. He's going to slap and he's going to the floor. He's going to do some slitting. All right. One last question. When you shoot the hog, do you shoot it with a pistol?

20:24 Best Of No, we shoot it with it. Well, it's a pistol type weapon that has a bolt that's about, There's a hammer in it, right? Yeah, it's a bolt that comes out about eight inches or six inches maybe. It goes into right behind the ear and it immediately, if you do it right, you get them down immediately.

20:37 Drew It's pissing.

20:38 Adam And it just punctures the skull and goes actually into the branch?

20:41 Best Of Yeah. Now my sister works there. She got out of prison after 10 years last year and she's already got a job down there and doing great.

20:47 Adam Really?

20:48 Best Of Yeah, it's a perfect job for her.

20:51 Adam Hold on. No, we got to go to break.

20:52 Drew I wonder why it's a good job for her.

20:54 Adam I could do another. You know, here's the problem with this show, quite honestly. I get told constantly by the program director, stop talking and start taking calls. But when Tom Arnold comes in here and talks about putting hits on pigs and going to lunch and his boiling pot in front of him and his sister doing time, what are you supposed to do with that?

21:12 Drew You got to talk.

21:13 Adam All right. We'll come back.

21:15 Drew It's him talking, not you.

21:16 Adam That's OK. How dare you? How dare you?

21:26 Caller This evening, Love Line is brought to you by Car Toys and the Cobalt Lounge. Right here on 947NRK, the Muroc Alternative.

21:58 Adam It is Love Line, I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. We're here with the Emmy Award-winning Jimmy Kimmel, who can be found on The Man Show Sundays, 10 o'clock on Comedy Central.

22:13 Jake? Yeah.

22:16 Adam You're 19, what's up?

22:17 Caller Hey, that's right. First of all, just saw The Man Show. That x-ray specs thing was great.

22:21 Adam Oh, thanks.

22:21 Caller It's a classic. First thing, hey, Drew, you say that spanking is a form of child abuse.

22:28 Drew No. I remember I always ask if the people use an object.

22:32 Adam Well.

22:33 Drew That seems to be the threshold issue that spanking, a single episode of spanking, you're supposed to spank if it's a behavior that you need to have stopped immediately, like walking into traffic or something dangerous.

22:43 Adam Swallowing.

22:44 Drew What you'll find is that the literature is shown very clearly.

22:47 Adam It bugs me when I'm trying to watch TV.

22:49 Drew While spanking will stop the behavior in the moment, within the next two weeks, you'll see increasing truancy and acting out. And if you continue to spank, you tend to string together this truancy, and you end up with a kid who's sort of antisocial. Now, if you then factor in striking with an object, then it becomes a whole different thing.

23:10 Caller Well, I don't understand because, you know, I, for one, I was spanked with a belt. And my sister was, and my parents were, and my grandparents were. And my question is, if we were all, you know, if everybody I know was spanked with an object, how come we're not all screwed up?

23:24 Drew Well, you ever listen to this show?

23:25 Caller Nobody this time every night.

23:27 Caller Nobody that's screwed up though thinks they are screwed up. So you could very well be screwed up.

23:31 Adam Yeah. We should really talk to some of your coworkers. I'm sure they'd have a whole different spin on this screwed up thing. Plus you're going through your entire family lineage and everyone beat everyone with a belt.

23:42 Drew That's how that happens.

23:43 Adam So that's a good, that's, that's, you're kind of making Drew's argument.

23:46 Drew In case for the cycle of abuse.

23:47 Adam But now what, do you have any kids, Jake?

23:50 Caller No, I'm, no, I'm too young for that.

23:52 Adam You're right. And you're not antisocial or violent.

23:54 Caller No, nobody in my family is.

23:56 Adam You don't work around metal or attend junior college?

23:58 Caller No, no, university.

24:00 Adam I see. So everything's fine. Listen, it-

24:03 Caller Couldn't hurt to not spank them. That's the way I look at it.

24:05 Caller I don't, I don't plan on spanking them.

24:07 Drew What it does, check out, your sister's never been victimized in any way?

24:10 Caller No, none of us have. Nobody has.

24:12 Drew It just sets you up to be a victim is what it does.

24:15 Caller I have one more question.

24:16 Adam Yes, and I want to say this. I don't have kids. I've learned a few things from the show. When I do have kids and I do want to discipline them and on the off chance I do have to spank them, I don't want them to associate the spanking with me, so I'm working on a spanking machine. It'll be down in the garage, I'll strap them in and then I'll leave the room.

24:35 Drew I have one of those.

24:37 Caller Hey, I got one more question.

24:38 Adam Yeah, I think it was called Brutus.

24:40 Caller Can I ask one more thing?

24:41 Adam Yes, yes.

24:41 Caller Where did Ace Rockolla come from? Where did that happen?

24:44 Adam From heaven. I don't know. Ace Rockolla. Actually, I was sleeping, I was sound asleep, I was dreaming and then I woke up jacked off and then I thought of Ace Rockolla.

24:56 Caller Oh my God.

24:58 Caller It's a regular day.

24:59 Adam All right, let's talk to Stephanie of 16s. Stephanie?

25:03 Caller Yes.

25:04 What's up?

25:06 Caller Okay, I went and got tested for chlamydia and stuff last week and my doctor called and told me I had it and like right after he told me, like my body started totally changing and like I started having the typical signs.

25:20 Drew Which is what?

25:21 Caller Like unusual discharge.

25:24 Drew Why did you get tested if you weren't having the symptoms already?

25:27 Caller Well, it was just my yearly exam. I was like, I'm just going to do a culture for chlamydia and I was like, okay.

25:34 Drew Interesting.

25:34 Caller Not a big deal.

25:35 Adam Do they usually do that?

25:37 Drew They often do. Yeah.

25:39 Caller I got tested for chlamydia once. Came out quite clean.

25:44 Caller But anyways, so the doctor said you need to call the guys you've been with and let them know.

25:49 Drew Sure.

25:50 Caller And so.

25:51 Caller Really?

25:51 Caller Huh?

25:52 Caller Really? Did you do it?

25:53 Caller Yeah.

25:54 Caller Oh, please. I would never do that.

25:56 Adam No, I wouldn't either.

25:56 Caller How good is it going to do them?

25:58 Drew They need to get treated. Oh. Exactly.

26:00 Caller But if you don't know, how bad could it be?

26:03 Drew You can infect many other people. Yeah.

26:05 Caller But if this is the kind of thing that just nobody ever even realizes it, I mean, how bad is it? What happens with this chlamydia?

26:12 Drew You become infertile.

26:13 It's the leading cause of infertility.

26:14 Caller Oh, well, we should have more of it then.

26:17 Drew Yeah, that's a good point, but...

26:18 Caller Listen, everybody's worried about all this. You just put something in the water. We wouldn't need the condoms or anything like that.

26:23 Drew And oftentimes women do not know they have this, and it's the years of smoldering infection that causes the infertility. That's why they screen for it regularly.

26:30 Adam Stephanie?

26:31 Caller Yes?

26:32 Adam So have you called everybody?

26:34 Caller Um, two of them.

26:37 Caller How many more are there?

26:38 Caller Two.

26:38 Caller Do you have their phone numbers?

26:39 Caller Yeah.

26:40 Caller Oh, it would be great if we could call them, wouldn't it?

26:43 Adam Yeah.

26:43 Caller That wouldn't be good.

26:45 Caller You sure?

26:45 Caller I'm positive.

26:47 Caller I think it would make it easier for you and Humorous, and they'd get probably a charge out of it.

26:51 Adam Yeah, and who better to find out from than Dr. Drew?

26:55 Caller Yeah, the man is a doctor, right?

26:57 Adam Come on.

26:59 Caller No, I'm sorry.

27:00 All right.

27:01 Adam All right, so what's your question?

27:03 Caller I read up that you can get PID, pelvic implant, toward the tube.

27:08 Drew Right, right.

27:09 Caller And I'm wondering how, like, what are the odds of me getting that?

27:12 Drew Well, you were treated.

27:13 Caller Not yet. I haven't gotten my pills yet.

27:15 Drew Why don't you go get treated? Because the longer it stays in you, the higher the probability that it's going to get into the tubes and cause PID, okay?

27:23 Caller Yeah.

27:24 Adam All right, but she'll be all right. She hasn't had it for long. I mean, some people have it for years.

27:28 Drew Yeah.

27:29 Caller You're going to tell the other two guys?

27:30 Caller Not yet. I was going to call them tomorrow.

27:32 Caller Tomorrow?

27:33 Drew It's very brave.

27:33 Caller What did the other two say?

27:35 Caller The other two, one of them just totally flipped out, very young and screamed at me.

27:38 Caller Really?

27:39 Drew Yeah.

27:39 Caller You see, here's what you need to do. You scream, call and scream at them.

27:43 Adam You gave me chlamydia.

27:44 Caller Right. My doctor tracked it to when, and yeah, exactly, that's what you do.

27:48 Drew By the way, how dare he yell and scream at them? That's part of the, if he wasn't wearing a condom, that's the risk he takes.

27:53 Caller Yeah, but if you think about it, I get mad when people give me a cold even though, you know, it's like, oh yeah, great, I got your cold.

27:59 Adam You know, Stephanie, you must have gotten it from somewhere.

28:03 Caller Well, I have a feeling I know who I got it from because it says it takes like two to three weeks to show up. Right. And I've only been with one guy since then.

28:13 Adam Did you call him yet?

28:14 Caller Well, I did, and he wouldn't talk to me.

28:17 Adam Yeah.

28:18 Caller And he doesn't know that, so his mom's like, well, can I give him a message? I was like, yeah, tell him he gave me chlamydia.

28:22 Caller Oh, that's nice, nice. That's just short of the singing telegram at work.

28:26 Adam Yeah.

28:27 Drew You told his mom?

28:28 Caller I was very proud of myself, yes.

28:30 Drew No, that's not so great. Absolutely. I mean, I'm proud of you for stepping up and telling the partners and being responsible, but telling them, well, I was a little aggressive. No, no, no.

28:38 Adam Well, he hung up. He didn't want to talk.

28:40 Drew Oh, he wouldn't talk to her?

28:41 Caller He wouldn't. He refused to talk to me.

28:43 Caller Oh, well. Maybe he's mad at you for giving him chlamydia.

28:47 Caller Like, he'd even go.

28:49 Adam Yeah, he gave her chlamydia. And by the way, I would have called him first and said, listen, here's some numbers of some guys you've got to call because you got the whole thing started.

28:57 Drew By the way, you're 16. How many guys you've been with?

28:59 Adam My vagina was merely a middle man.

29:01 Drew Why so many guys in such a short period of time?

29:04 Caller It's been like two years.

29:06 Drew All right.

29:06 Adam That's not bad.

29:07 Caller Four guys.

29:08 Adam That's pretty good.

29:09 Caller Not even close to my friends, so I'd rather please with that number.

29:13 Drew Okay. Hang in there. Be careful. Condoms, condoms, condoms, right?

29:17 Caller Yeah. Where on your head even? Couldn't hurt.

29:20 Adam All right, Stephanie.

29:21 Drew This is a reminder, right?

29:22 Adam Good luck. Oh, that must have been great with Mom on the other line.

29:25 Caller See, those are the calls you should record because when you're 60, you're gonna want those, right?

29:29 Drew Someday. We're gonna get those calls.

29:32 Caller Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. We aren't, Drew. Of course we aren't. These people are savages if this goes on.

29:40 Adam Drew, this is where my Sinai tablet comes in handy. Do you hear about this?

29:44 Drew I want you to have this. It's a gift from us.

29:47 Adam Well, we had a guy call in last week. He was like 16. He pulled an all-nighter. He met some guy at a gay club. He brought him home and his mom walked in, you know, opened the door to his bedroom at like eight in the morning on a Sunday morning. The kid was performing fellatio on himself while the guy he picked up was basically masturbating on the bed next to him. And I said to Drew that you should as a parent keep the Sinai pill. Keep it in your cheek all the time. But when you knock on the kid's door, this is after puberty, you slide it in between your two back teeth.

30:23 Drew Just as you walk through each time.

30:25 Adam And if you ever see him performing fellatio on himself and a guy in a leather vest jacking off, you just chomp down on it. No questions asked. You only have time to process it. Like a Nazi war criminal living in Argentina. You know?

30:39 Drew This is our gift to you, Jimmy. It sounds like a nice thing.

30:41 Adam You see the Jewish underground coming up the driveway, just bite down on that thing. Yeah. You know, it's going to be just years of torture and torment. You probably get hung at the end of it. You just keep that. Yeah, it's not a bad idea. I mean, you guys don't need it yet. I'm saying in a few years. We know it would be a better idea. You guys should just move out, you know, when your kids hit puberty. You guys do okay. Get them some kind of tree house to live in. Take a long nap.

31:09 Drew And guards, prison guards.

31:10 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Brandon.

31:13 Yeah.

31:13 Adam You're 20. What's up?

31:16 Caller I need to know when the most fertile time for a female is. Because we had-

31:22 Drew Well, you can't predict that.

31:24 Caller Well.

31:24 Drew It's about a 15 day-

31:25 Caller October.

31:26 Adam For me, judging from experiences from the age, usually 11 to 14, that's when they're at their peak.

31:33 Caller What do you want to know? Are you trying to have a kid?

31:35 Caller No.

31:36 Caller Me and my fiance had sex the other night and the condom broke.

31:41 Drew Why didn't you immediately go out and get the morning after pill?

31:44 Caller I asked her about it and she said that she wasn't comfortable with something like that.

31:49 Drew Why?

31:50 Adam Because she wants to have kids.

31:52 Caller Well, she already has one.

31:54 Drew That's what that means. I mean, why would she not take advantage of something to prevent the pregnancy?

31:58 Caller I don't know. I heard you stress that to a number of callers.

32:03 Drew What is there to be comfortable about?

32:05 Caller Because some people still think it's abortion, probably.

32:08 Drew It's not an abortion pill, Brandon. It just prevents her egg from ever being released.

32:12 Caller Okay. That's it.

32:13 Drew That's how it works.

32:14 Adam Brandon? Yeah. How old is your fiance?

32:16 Caller She's 19.

32:18 Caller Can't you just put this in her food or something? I mean, seriously, this series is serious. Sprinkle it over her beef.

32:25 Drew Beef model.

32:26 Adam Hey, Brandon, how old is her kid?

32:28 Caller Two.

32:29 Adam Oh, boy. Yeah.

32:31 Drew Pregnant at 15.

32:32 Adam You want to get married, huh?

32:33 Caller Well, yeah. We've been best friends for nine years.

32:36 Adam I see.

32:38 Drew You've been caring for her for nine years.

32:40 Adam You can't.

32:40 Caller You sure you're not gay?

32:42 Caller I'm positive.

32:43 Drew Why do you say that?

32:43 Caller Well, best friends. I don't like when guys use that term with their girlfriend or their wife.

32:47 Drew No, no. That means best friends.

32:48 Adam They were best friends, but now you hate each other that you're together, right?

32:52 Caller No. We're completely in love.

32:54 Drew You still may be gay. This is him taking care of an abused kid, probably, helping protect her.

33:00 Caller He's 20. Yeah.

33:01 Drew And then finally she caved in a few years of him hovering around.

33:05 Adam She's 19. Hey, hey, Brandon. Right.

33:08 Drew Am I right on this one, Adam?

33:09 Adam It does kind of. Does she come from a little chaos?

33:11 Drew A little bit. Yeah. Yeah.

33:13 Caller Who's better looking, you or her on, you know, her? Yeah.

33:18 Adam A lot.

33:18 Caller She's a lot better than you could normally get, you figure?

33:21 Caller No.

33:22 Adam But you've been hovering around for quite some time, right?

33:26 Caller Actually not really. We have a spell that we didn't talk for like two years.

33:30 Drew Yeah. Otherwise it's been nine years of hovering.

33:33 Adam You've liked her for a long time?

33:36 Caller On a friendship level.

33:37 Adam No, you've been into her.

33:38 Come on.

33:40 Caller I mean, we dated before then.

33:42 Adam Yeah.

33:43 Drew Because you were not into her?

33:44 Caller What?

33:45 Drew Because you were not into her? Is that why you dated her?

33:46 Caller No, I was into her.

33:47 Drew That's the point. That's the only reason we're making.

33:49 Adam When she broke it off, right?

33:51 Caller No, I broke it off of her.

33:52 Adam Why did you do that?

33:53 Caller I couldn't honestly tell you anymore. I don't remember.

33:57 How old were you?

33:59 Caller I was 15.

33:59 Drew That's when she got pregnant.

34:01 Adam No, she got pregnant next week.

34:03 Caller No, she got pregnant with a guy after me.

34:05 Adam All right. So anyway, Brandon, when was her period?

34:09 Caller It ended a week ago.

34:10 Adam All right.

34:11 Caller Well, listen, not great timing. Everyone loves mashed potatoes, right? Does she like mashed potatoes? Get one. You'll hold one in the morning after pills and just put it in there. Get it.

34:21 Drew Call a doctor. 1-800-888-NOT-TOO-LATE.

34:24 Caller Hey, let me grab a pen real quick. All right.

34:27 Adam Hey, Brandon?

34:27 Caller Yeah.

34:28 Adam You say this is how many days ago?

34:30 Caller This was about three days ago.

34:32 Adam Well, forget it and get it for the next time.

34:35 Caller Call 1-800-TOO-LATE.

34:36 Drew 1-888-NOT-TOO-LATE.

34:39 Caller 888-NOT-TOO-LATE.

34:41 Drew Not number 2, late. Not too late.

34:43 Caller Too late. Okay.

34:45 Drew Great. All right, Brandon. Take care.

34:46 Adam All right.

34:47 Caller So, Drew, then you're with me on the sprinkling in our food?

34:51 Drew You didn't hear me say no.

34:53 Adam It's not a bad plan.

34:54 Drew What I did notice when you talk about the best friends thing, Jimmy and Gina seem to be just best friends.

34:59 Caller Oh, yes. We are. We're best friends.

35:00 Drew I noticed that.

35:01 Adam They're soul, I mean, cellmates. Yeah, they're soulmates.

35:05 Drew I think he got up and announced something by the effect of, Gina, a lot of people don't like you.

35:12 Caller I got to keep her, you know, at the party?

35:13 Drew Yeah.

35:13 Caller At the party.

35:14 Adam Oh, really? Were you drunk?

35:16 Caller I wasn't drunk, no.

35:17 Adam Did she make you pay?

35:18 Caller She was drunk. You know how it is. You have to keep her in check. When she's drunk, she starts telling embarrassing stories.

35:23 Adam She was great. Oh, yeah.

35:24 Drew She was awesome.

35:25 Adam I love hearing the story about when Jimmy crying when his dog, Fluffy, died. Yeah.

35:30 Caller She thinks that's funny.

35:33 Adam Well, Drew, your wife does the same thing. There's something about women, they have a few high balls and they love to just embarrass the hell out of the guy. Yes. What is that? What are they paying you back for?

35:45 Caller It's them taking back a little power.

35:46 Adam Yeah.

35:47 Caller Because you're the man and you get to be in charge all the time.

35:49 Adam Haven't you done enough? Do you know what I mean? What is that? That's scary.

35:54 Caller Just general abuse.

35:56 Adam But no, what I mean is you get drunk, you don't have any other feelings other than sexual, let's say. But you don't have its payback time.

36:06 Caller Right.

36:06 Adam You know what I'm saying? It's a little disconcerting to be with someone who gets drunk and thinks it's payback time.

36:12 Drew I don't get payback. But what I get is more stories that seem funny when you've been drinking and are just plain old embarrassed.

36:19 Yeah.

36:21 Adam But Susan does, she will humiliate the hell out of you with a few poses in it.

36:24 Drew Yeah, but not intentionally. Well, I don't think it's payback.

36:27 Caller Everything's intentional, I believe. Just somewhere in- Somewhere in-

36:31 Adam There are no accidents. No.

36:32 We'll be back after this.

36:41 Caller Pay attention, there's valuable information coming up. And Love Line will be right back on the New Rock Alternative, 947 NRK.

37:25 Adam That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Bobo and Be Real are both here from Cypress Hill. Sarah?

37:34 Yeah?

37:34 Adam You're 19.

37:35 Caller Yes.

37:36 Adam What's up?

37:37 Caller I am, okay, I'm 19, and I have a thing for 35, 36-year-old guys. I really like them.

37:47 Adam Yeah.

37:48 Drew That's good for you.

37:49 Caller Yeah, it's perfect.

37:50 Caller But I need to know if this is like a bad thing.

37:54 Drew Not good for you.

37:56 Not good for you.

37:57 Drew Yeah. It sort of takes you away from your peers. It makes you focus on people that are really a very different place in their life, and who might be looking at you more as an object and less as a person. Adam would be just awful to be around.

38:10 Adam Yeah. It'd be horrible to be around me. Yeah. And what about me? I have to be around me all the time.

38:16 Drew You were the 19-year-old. Just think of that.

38:18 Adam Yeah. Her telling me to grow up. Well, that would hurt.

38:20 Oh, yeah. Okay.

38:22 Adam That would hurt. Hey, Sarah, there's a sort of catch-22, which is 36-year-old guys that want to spend a lot of time with 19-year-old chicks are a little bit flawed, unless the chicks are really hot-looking. But even then, it's a little bit flawed. You know what I mean?

38:40 Drew It's by definition flawed.

38:41 Adam Well, the catch-22 is every guy who's willing to hang out with you is kind of an idiot.

38:45 Caller Oh, thanks.

38:46 Drew No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

38:47 Caller I understand.

38:48 Adam You know what I'm saying.

38:49 Caller But, okay, now is there any way to stop myself from liking these guys? Because I've tried to like guys my age.

38:55 Drew Well, look at the source. Did your dad go away when you were young or something?

38:59 Caller I grew up without a dad.

39:00 Drew Yeah. Did he leave when you were like two?

39:02 Caller No, actually, my mom never told her boyfriend that she was pregnant.

39:06 Drew Was he around at all?

39:08 Caller No, I don't even know who he is.

39:08 Adam He never knew.

39:09 Drew Yeah, but I thought maybe he came back.

39:11 Adam Was there another guy in the picture?

39:12 Caller There was one and then there was another one when I, yeah, there were a couple.

39:17 Drew Did you like those guys?

39:19 Caller Huh?

39:19 Drew Did you like some of those guys?

39:21 Caller The one she has now is pretty good.

39:22 Drew No, when you were younger, were you connected to one of them?

39:24 Caller Oh, no, not at all.

39:25 Drew No.

39:25 Adam Yeah.

39:26 Drew So you're looking to replace some of them.

39:27 Adam Everyone's looking for the father figure. Yeah. Right.

39:30 Caller So is there any way to train myself not to like them? I mean, knowing that, I mean, that's something that I've always kind of figured was the problem, but it doesn't help.

39:38 Drew Doesn't help it go away.

39:38 Adam How about you find like a nice 25-year-old guy who spent too much time in the sun or something? You know what I mean?

39:44 Drew You know, what's interesting, I wonder if she were with an older guy, would it be a stable guy, if she were to choose a 25-year-old, it would be the guy that was ready to leave. You know what I'm saying, whether she would act that out.

39:53 Caller I was with a 36-year-old guy, but he was married.

39:57 Drew Oh, boy.

39:59 Caller My problem now is that there's another guy, I didn't know anything about him. We know we started talking and I liked him, and he's right around 36, and I just found out he's married.

40:12 Adam Right.

40:12 Caller Nothing is going on there, but how can I stop myself from liking him?

40:17 Adam Don't talk lesbian. Yeah. Listen, find yourself, why don't you find a nice 24-year-old Jewish guy, because those guys act like they're 45.

40:24 Drew Okay. You start dating more regularly, and you'll find that people become less of these objects and more somebody you really start caring about.

40:32 Caller Okay.

40:32 Drew They're less of the symbols start.

40:34 Caller Okay.

40:34 Adam All right. All right.

40:36 Caller Thanks.

40:37 Adam All right.

40:37 Caller Bye. All right.

40:38 Adam Yeah.

40:38 Caller Stay away from the married dudes.

40:40 Adam Are you going to be able to talk around of that, though?

40:42 Drew No.

40:42 Adam You know what I mean?

40:43 Drew Not completely, no.

40:44 Adam Like I like the big jugs, you know?

40:46 Caller Well, you may be able to talk around of this one, but not the next one. Yeah.

40:50 Adam Right. You know a magazine I picked up the other day?

40:52 Drew Let me guess. Busty?

40:54 Adam Well, you're close. This is the Big Boob Cruise.

40:57 Drew Jugs? What is it?

40:59 Adam Every year. Now, I didn't go in to pick this magazine up. I was trying to get a car magazine, but you know what happened. There's the big, there's the big boob cruise just burning a hole in you while the guy goes back to get the back issue of Car and Driver and you're just staring at that big boob cruise. This magazine, it's, I think it's Score magazine. And each year they have this big boob cruise. Minka was on it. She's the number one Asian big boob queen. And they go out on a boat with like 15 of the biggest of the big top porn chicks and like eight guys with seven million rolls of film and 700 cases of beer. And it must cost these guys like 20 grand or something. And they go on this like Jamaican cruise on this yacht. And it's like, here's what it is. It's like somebody took a strip club and put pontoons on it and just floated you out in the ocean with you and your buddies for a week.

41:59 Drew Adam, you have a reason to live now.

42:01 Adam I know.

42:01 Drew A reason to work.

42:02 Adam I know. A goal. That's what I was thinking. I got to get on to this big boob cruise. Imagine being on the big boob cruise.

42:10 Caller He might not want to come back.

42:11 Drew Just imagine.

42:11 Caller He may never come back.

42:12 Drew Just think of how the reuniting experience will be with Minka.

42:16 Adam Oh, yeah.

42:17 Drew God.

42:17 Adam Oh, it's been so long since she's need me in the groin. Yeah, I mean, Drew, I'm going to bring this thing in on Sunday night. You're going nuts when you see this big boob cruise. They got pictures of them, like on the plane flying over to Jamaica, then on out on the cruise. And the guy then are like on the beach playing volleyball. And they're doing like lap dances on the top side while the chefs down below whipping up some confection. I mean, this is the greatest. This is like the. And it's funny because these guys are on their 40s. It's a weird thing because you couldn't afford the big boob cruise unless you had a few serious bucks in the bank. So it just means it's for older guys. I don't know if any of them are married. I can imagine your wife grabs an issue of the Big Boob Cruise magazine. And there you are. You crawled under Minka and there's a picture of you. Drew, I'm going to bring this thing and you'll go nuts. He may want to go on vacation. Yeah, he might take the big boob cruise. Dimitri?

43:17 Caller Yeah.

43:18 Adam What's up? You're 15.

43:20 Caller Uh-huh.

43:20 Adam Okay.

43:21 Caller All right.

43:21 Caller You're God, Adam.

43:22 Adam Thank you.

43:23 Caller Yeah.

43:24 Caller You conferred me to atheism.

43:27 Adam Thank you. That's nice. You know, I'd like to get more kids into Satan worship and Santeria, but that's great.

43:36 Caller And Drew, your side's great.

43:40 Drew Thank you. What's up, Dimitri?

43:43 Caller All right.

43:43 Caller I can't get my girlfriend to kiss me.

43:45 Drew How come?

43:47 Caller I don't know.

43:48 Drew Have you asked her? No. Have you tried to kiss her? No.

43:51 Adam Maybe he has helitosis.

43:53 Drew Wait a minute. He hasn't tried to kiss her.

43:56 Caller Oh. Oh.

43:57 Adam What will she do? Will she do other things?

43:59 Drew Do you expect her to try to kiss you first?

44:01 Caller I don't know.

44:02 Adam Well, hold on a second.

44:03 Drew Wait a minute.

44:04 Adam Do you do anything with her?

44:06 Caller I've been going out with her for about two weeks.

44:08 Adam I know. So it's not like you get sex, but she won't kiss you. Yeah.

44:13 Drew It's not like that.

44:15 Adam Yes, it's not like that. OK. So you don't do anything. How do you know you're going out with her?

44:21 Caller I asked her.

44:22 Adam OK. But, you know, I've learned from this show, and I wish it was something I learned in high school, that sometimes when you ask the woman, they'll tell you a different story. You mowing her lawn is not you two dating. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

44:36 Drew But he is not trying to kiss. How about how do you end your date?

44:40 Caller Take her up to her door, basically.

44:41 Drew And then how about?

44:43 Adam What about a little peck on the lips there?

44:46 Caller Nothing.

44:47 Adam That's the I know. Why don't you drop your hanky, a fairy?

44:50 Drew Yeah, it's not.

44:51 Adam Kiss her, you idiot.

44:53 Caller How does she?

44:54 Caller She's 16.

44:55 Drew Wait, why don't you kiss her right then?

44:58 Caller Maybe I should.

44:59 Best Of Oh, boy.

45:01 Caller Does she wait for you? Does she pause for a second or?

45:04 Caller No, she doesn't. She just goes in the door.

45:06 Drew She runs in.

45:06 Adam Oh, OK. Listen, I want to say, Drew, we've talked about this before. How much time have you spent in your life, especially your younger life, high school, college, maybe thinking about making a move?

45:18 Drew Yeah.

45:19 Adam You know what I mean?

45:20 Drew Yeah.

45:20 Adam At junior high, spending so much time thinking about making that move and how uncomfortable, how it becomes bigger than it actually is. But here's the reality. How many times you guys actually ever been turned down when you tried to kiss a girl? Do you know what I'm saying? Outside of the family, let's say. You know what I mean? I mean, I'm a very desirable guy, and I haven't been turned out that much. I mean, I've probably been turned down three times out of the 50 times I've tried it. Right. Well, here's my point. They won't turn you down nearly as much as you think they will, especially if you're standing on their porch after a night at the theater.

46:02 Drew Or if things are really so difficult to sort of overcome some barriers because they're putting that up there.

46:09 Adam Yeah.

46:09 Drew And that means you shouldn't be putting all the emphasis on this one.

46:13 Caller So you haven't tried.

46:14 Adam No, wait, where is he? Oh, screw him.

46:16 Drew So he hasn't tried.

46:17 Caller He said he hasn't tried?

46:18 Adam He's waiting for her to do something.

46:20 Caller Yeah, well, what is this?

46:21 Adam He's a little shy.

46:22 Best Of You got to initiate.

46:24 Adam Yeah. And you know, don't be scared. Yeah, women want that.

46:27 You got to go for broke.

46:28 Adam Oh, my God. I when I was 16, I want to date with Flory Aguilar.

46:35 OK.

46:36 Adam Hello, Flory. Now, first off, we went into Westwood. And for those of you who don't live around here, that was the place you went on a date when you lived around here. You go in there, see a movie.

46:46 Drew Yesterday's restaurant.

46:47 Adam We went to Westwood to see a movie. I borrowed my stepmother's Honda, and that was back. You know, she had like a 77 Honda, so it was about as big as one of the Shriners cars they drive in the parade. Your head hangs out of the sunroof, you know. We went down to Westwood 1, me and Flory.

47:05 Drew Westwood. Westwood.

47:06 Adam I mean, sorry. Now I'm at Westwood 1. Went down to Westwood, saw for some reason, and maybe it's because everything else was sold out or something, but saw the David Bowie movie, The Man Who Fell From Earth, which is a bizarre movie at any age.

47:20 Drew Yeah, but you're high school. That's...

47:22 Adam It was bizarre. There's a part where a guy's talking to some... a girl's talking to a guy's penis like a microphone. It's a bizarre movie to go on a first date.

47:31 Drew That's what's comfortable.

47:32 Adam Step up to the mic. Yeah, it's very uncomfortable. Step up to the mic. Very uncomfortable. So I drove her home after what was probably a horrible date for her, and I went to kiss her in the car, and because my arms stretch out like a condor, and I'm driving this Honda that's about two and a half feet wide, I actually elbow her right in the chops as I try to reach the right arm around me. That set the mood, didn't it? Yeah, good. I mean, if we're playing hockey, I would have been thrown in the penalty box for that moment. So I whack her in the face with my elbow, and there was no second date.

48:09 Caller But that's pretty surprising.

48:11 Drew Years of good stories.

48:12 Adam That is not going to happen to anyone else who's listening. You kiss her, you're the guy. All right, Bobo and B. Real are both here from Cypress Hill. We'll take a little break. Loveline, Loveline.

48:23 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

48:27 Caller Hey now, don't get your panties in a bunch. Loveline will be right back on 947NRK, The New Rock Alternative.

49:04 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. And Kim Coles is our guest tonight. All the, what is it, five seasons living single?

49:18 Five seasons of living single. Thank you very much. And it's on like, you know, twice a day.

49:23 Adam Oh yeah.

49:24 Syndication.

49:24 Adam That's right.

49:25 Which is lovely to me.

49:26 Adam Oh.

49:27 It's lovely. Those checks come in.

49:28 Adam Let me explain how syndication works. I won't get into the details and the numbers. Here's what you do. You walk to the mailbox, you open the mailbox, and then you laugh like a hyena as you walk back to your house.

49:39 Caller About every three months.

49:40 Adam Every three months. In your slippers and rope with your big nails.

49:44 Caller Absolutely. You like color? What color?

49:48 Adam You pick color. And then you bitch about giving the poor Korean woman mother of eight, two dollars.

49:54 Caller I usually give them three.

49:56 Adam What other job do you get to just go to the mailbox? Imagine that everyone. Imagine you got a job where you do your job.

50:04 Caller Then you finish the job.

50:05 Adam You get paid very well for doing that job that day. And then a few years down the road, you just go to the mailbox and, whoa, there's a big chunk.

50:14 Caller There's a little something something in there for you.

50:15 Adam Hey, remember when you remember when you clean the carpet over at the Sizzler in 94? Yeah. Here's five grand. Wow.

50:27 Caller It's a racket.

50:28 Adam Yeah, it's great. Thank God they're on strike. They got to get more money. A lot of those actors only, you know, they only make $5,000 a day. Those commercial actors, we got to band together, everyone. Janelle?

50:41 Janelle?

50:41 Adam No, Janelle?

50:44 I'd like to make a case for the waitresses out there.

50:46 Adam You're 21, yeah. Yeah.

50:48 Caller And I'm from the San Francisco Bay Area, and I do work at a very nice restaurant. Yeah. And I don't make over $25,000 a year.

50:55 Drew Hey, you know that restaurant Far-Far-Alan?

50:59 Caller No.

51:00 Drew But they actually bought me dinner there the other night. It was a great meal, and they...

51:04 Adam Okay...

51:04 Drew .come out and buy dinner.

51:05 Adam Who cares? Hey, Janelle?

51:06 Best Of Yeah?

51:08 Adam You work in an expensive restaurant?

51:10 Caller Yeah, it's not as expensive as the one you were talking about, but it's a nice restaurant.

51:13 Adam Well, what do people traditionally drop when they go there?

51:17 Caller Usually about 20%.

51:18 Adam But how much money are they usually dropping? Let's say...

51:21 Caller Oh, per ticket?

51:22 Adam Let's say a couple or four people, two couples, go out for dinner, what does it cost then usually?

51:27 Caller Anywhere over $100.

51:29 Drew For two couples?

51:30 Caller For one couple.

51:31 Adam One couple is over $100. Okay, so let me ask you a quick question. I won't dwell on this, but how many tables is a waitress at a nice place like that do you work at once simultaneously?

51:44 Caller For me, because I have so much overhead, like I have someone who runs my food, I have a busser that takes care of coffees and stuff like that. I also have a hostess who sits with me and a bartender who does my drink separately.

51:54 Drew What does that mean?

51:55 Adam Do you pay those people? Yeah, you got to check them out. Yeah, I pay four people. Okay, but answer me. How many tables do you work simultaneously?

52:02 Caller Right.

52:03 Caller Because I have that much help, I'm able to handle anywhere from eight to about 13 tables at once.

52:08 Adam At once?

52:08 Caller Yes.

52:09 Caller It's not an easy job.

52:10 Adam I know. Okay. Listen, genius. So you got eight tables going at once.

52:16 Caller Oh, yeah.

52:16 Adam All of them are averaging about $100, let's say, if it's a couple. And so you're getting $20 per table.

52:23 Drew Times 10, let's say.

52:24 Adam Times 10, and they're in there for an hour, hour and a half, something like that.

52:28 Drew Really more like times 15, because it's a lot of couples and things.

52:32 Caller Yeah, they don't always tip 10, 20 percent.

52:34 Adam Right.

52:34 Caller This is my point.

52:35 Adam But the point is, is what do you make in an hour? On a shift, how many hours shift are you working?

52:40 Caller Like five to six hours.

52:41 Adam And what are you walking out of there with?

52:43 Caller About $100.

52:44 Adam On a five, six hour shift?

52:46 Caller Yes, because I have to tip out about 10 percent of my sales.

52:49 Adam Right. All right. But how much of that do you have to report?

52:52 Caller I report anything that goes on to a credit card because we use a computer system that automatically logs in.

52:57 Adam But you're still making 20 bucks an hour.

52:59 Caller Right. But then I get my bi-weekly check and it's about $20. Okay.

53:03 Adam But here's my point. All the years I worked as a carpenter, read plans, built houses, dealt with building inspectors, had my tools and trucks and everything, I made 15 an hour. So stop it. You waiters and waitresses act like you have a skill, you have no skill. You slop the hogs for a living.

53:21 Caller That is so mean.

53:22 Caller I've offended you on so many things.

53:24 Drew Janelle, now you see him for what he really is.

53:26 Adam I don't.

53:27 Drew Start defending me against him. Come on, Janelle, let's line up against him.

53:30 Adam You know, you do. Here's the way waiters and waitresses should work. Your boss should pay you eight or nine bucks an hour, and that should be it.

53:38 Caller That's how they do it in Europe.

53:39 Adam That's fine.

53:40 Caller And the tip is included. Unfortunately, we leave it up to humans to go ahead and tip what they think we deserve. And very honestly, if everyone tipped me 10%, I'd walk away with zero dollars out the door because I have to tip out 10%.

53:51 Adam Alright.

53:52 Caller For the record, I'm an excellent tipper.

53:54 Adam I am too. I just complain a lot.

53:55 Caller Thank you.

53:56 Adam Alright, thank you.

53:57 Caller You know, they work hard, Adam. Adam, come on. They're on their feet.

54:00 Adam What do carpet layers do?

54:02 Caller I'm not saying they're not hard on their feet too, but it's food and-

54:05 Drew It's a little bit of a sales marketing job.

54:07 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah.

54:07 Drew A service job, you know?

54:08 Adam Yes. Listen to me.

54:10 Caller So would you like gravy with that, Ms. Coles? I mean, you know, I tip a little extra.

54:14 Adam Would you like some white gravy with your brown gravy, Ms. Coles? Yes, thank you. Just a dollar.

54:19 Caller Oh, thank you.

54:19 Adam Here's an extra dollar. Oh, wait a minute. My nails are dry. Can you blow on those? Please blow on them. That's my tipping hand. Come blow on my tipping hand. Thank you. Now get away.

54:28 Caller Get away.

54:28 Adam They're dry. Get away.

54:29 Caller Scurry.

54:32 Caller Blow on my tipping hand.

54:36 Adam It's warming. It's getting warm. It's getting warm. You better blow on it. Cool it off. Yes. Thank you.

54:41 Caller Rob.

54:41 Drew 19.

54:42 Caller Hi, how's it going?

54:43 Caller Hey, Rob.

54:43 Adam What's up?

54:45 Caller I had a couple of questions regarding HPV.

54:47 Adam Yep.

54:48 Caller And one of them was, is there a way for them to test for it in males?

54:55 Adam Is that warts, Drew? You always chime in with what it is.

54:58 Drew It's warts. You really have to see them. And as Adam will tell you, there's a special way to test for the pre-wart lesions.

55:05 Caller Is it with the acetic acid?

55:07 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

55:08 Caller And does it get like really white when you do it?

55:11 Drew Yeah, you can see them. You have to shine a black light on it after you put the acetic acid over it.

55:17 Caller And then the other question was regarding THGW. It's supposed to be like a vaccine for it. A company in the UK makes it.

55:29 Drew Well, there are multiple vaccines being developed, but nothing's available yet here.

55:33 Caller Is it close to like becoming available or what?

55:36 Adam A week to 10 days.

55:38 Drew Yeah, it's close.

55:39 Caller When Jesus comes back, like you said.

55:41 Drew It's going to be all good.

55:42 Adam Go up to the mountaintop of the folding chair. He'll be here.

55:44 Drew It probably by the time you're through your prime, it's you're going to make it through your prime without a vaccine.

55:51 Adam You'll be married and have three kids by the time they come with the vaccine. Yeah. Aren't they starting to think that warts now? They used to think warts never went away.

56:00 Drew Right.

56:00 Adam And now they're starting to think they burn out.

56:02 Drew That certain subtypes burn out. Yeah.

56:04 Adam Nice. Drew, check my dork with acetic acid and a black line.

56:10 Caller What's acetic acid? I'm thinking acetic acid. You squeeze a Jew and he gets the acid.

56:14 Drew It's like vinegar.

56:15 Adam Never ends with the blacks and the Jews, does it? Never ends. So, yeah, you put this acid, it's like vinegar on your penis and then you shine this black line on it and it winks at you if you have a wart, basically. Drew did that to my Johnson.

56:33 Drew He was clean. He was a stunt penis. He smoked mirrors out of how he did it, but he put a different penis on it.

56:38 Adam My penis is still in the cellophane it came in.

56:40 Caller Suspicious.

56:44 Adam Laura, you're 20.

56:45 Caller Hey, Adam. Hey, what's up? I have a question for Dr. Drew. I got the tail end of a call yesterday and I think it was like a 31-year-old male who had arthritis and I think you called it cirrhosis, but...

56:57 Drew No, psoriatic arthritis.

56:59 Caller Okay, that makes more sense. And you said it was an auto-immune disease.

57:03 Drew Right.

57:03 Caller And every once in a while, for a couple of months, when I get really stressed out, I'll get pain in my hands and my feet.

57:09 Drew Yeah, but that's stress.

57:11 Caller Right. Is there...

57:12 Drew That's fibromyalgia closer to that than anything else.

57:15 Caller Okay. Is there anything I can do for that to ride it out until I'm done?

57:18 Drew Sleep better.

57:19 Caller Sleep, yeah.

57:20 Drew You got to sleep better. That, for me, is a sleep deprivation syndrome. Yep.

57:25 Caller Okay. And I had to say, Kim, I enjoyed the show last week. Thank you. It was great. And you should be a regular on this show. You're hilarious.

57:32 Caller Well, I actually am a regular on this show. You will see me every week.

57:36 Caller Right on.

57:36 Drew She's bringing Adam and me on.

57:37 Caller No, I mean on Loveline.

57:39 Caller Oh, you're delightful.

57:41 Drew Yes.

57:42 Caller I wouldn't mind another check.

57:44 Caller Yeah.

57:44 Caller Let's talk.

57:44 Adam This ain't going to be the kind of check you're used to.

57:47 Caller You're so sweet. Thank you.

57:49 Caller No problem. And Adam, I love you.

57:50 Adam Thank you, baby.

57:51 Caller And actually, I have a little proposition for you. I know how you hate to pay taxes. Yes. And I've heard you say once or twice you wish you could have a couple of kids just to funnel that money into.

58:03 Drew You wish you could be one of your dependents.

58:04 Caller Exactly. Yeah.

58:05 Adam Oh, no. I have said that I would like to just start adopting and sponsoring individual callers' kids. And here's the way I'd like my taxes to be taken care of. I want to see where it's going. I want a stretch of highway, a couple of orphan kids, and like, you know, part of a daycare center or something in the inner city that actually has a plaque with my name in front of it.

58:30 Drew And an annual report.

58:31 Caller Well, here's what I'm thinking.

58:32 Adam Yeah, like three grenades and half a tent or something for the army. I want all my little pieces. Yeah, go ahead, Laura.

58:39 Caller Well, you can pay for my college.

58:41 Adam Oh, okay.

58:42 Caller It's tax deductible.

58:43 Adam Fine. I'll be checking the mail starting tomorrow. Where are you going?

58:47 Caller Well, oh, God. Well, I'm thinking for grad school. I am at, I just transferred to a goddamn or excuse me, Washington State, but I was at USC.

58:58 Adam You were? Yeah, that's no school.

59:00 Caller Drew went there.

59:01 Caller Yeah.

59:01 Caller Were you there for grad school, Drew?

59:03 Drew For medical school. Yeah.

59:04 Caller Yeah.

59:04 Caller Okay.

59:04 Adam It's not a real college.

59:07 Caller Well, it was a little disturbing anyway.

59:08 Adam Yeah.

59:09 Caller It got a little expensive.

59:10 Adam I understand.

59:11 Caller I had to come home.

59:12 Adam All right. Well, you're fine. What do you want to be when you grow up?

59:15 Caller I have no idea.

59:16 Adam Well, go with a veterinarian. It seems like the ladies are into that. There's not a woman. I've never met a woman who didn't want to be a veterinarian at some point in her life.

59:26 Caller Hate animals.

59:27 Adam Yeah.

59:28 Caller Have a goldfish that died. And I think the housekeeper like threw him out or something. Like I put the bowl by the sink to be washed. And the next thing I knew, it was gone. And I forgot about it for like three weeks. I didn't even know it was missing. I couldn't care less about dogs, cats. I've now offended the St. Pakistanis, Koreans, Jews, and Vietnamese and pet lovers. Thank you.

59:54 Adam Yeah, I'm with you. I'm with you on that. OK, so you didn't want to be Venmo. Every other woman I've ever spoken to want to be one. Chad? Yeah? You're 16. What's up? Hold on, what did you want to be? What did I want to be?

1:00:08 Drew No, Chad, hold on.

1:00:09 Caller I wanted to be an anthropologist. Oh, really? I did. Like a cultural anthropologist. I would have made no money, but it would have been really interesting.

1:00:16 Adam Hold on a second, Chad.

1:00:17 Caller Or a makeup artist.

1:00:18 Adam You know what's funny? Okay, good. More realistic. You know what's funny is we talked a lot of models and actresses and stuff, and for some reason, it's very important when you make a living as a model, especially, but sometimes as an actor, mainly as a model, that you put something very heady down on your bio about wanting to be that at one time.

1:00:38 Caller I swear.

1:00:39 Drew It seemed to me most of them went to medical school.

1:00:40 Adam Well, no, they were pre-med.

1:00:42 Drew No, no, no, no, no. They were in medical school and left.

1:00:45 Oh, really?

1:00:46 Adam They wanted to be something very heady and lofty and settled on modeling. And here's the deal. I don't give a rat's ass what you want it to be. I thought I was going to be the first president astronaut when I was five. I turned out clean carpets.

1:01:03 Caller All right.

1:01:04 Adam But the point is, is what I thought I was going to be just makes me an idiot. It makes me brandy. Oh, you know what I mean? I want to be veterinarian. She wanted to be a physicist astronaut.

1:01:13 Caller That night I wanted to be the first black woman in space. I used to watch. What's that show?

1:01:19 Adam The family.

1:01:21 Caller And I was like, mommy, daddy, can we be the first black family in space? And so I thought, thank you. And I thought, you know, if Uhura can do it, Uhuru.

1:01:32 Adam The black chick on the Star Trek.

1:01:34 Caller I could do it too. And then, you know, I turned nine or whatever.

1:01:38 Adam That's like a million years in the future.

1:01:42 Caller I'm just glad to see black people in a spaceship, you know, 3000 years from now. That was, that was promising for us. Yeah, we held on to that. We really did, we regressed since.

1:01:52 Adam Lost in Space was great because they left that pedophile guy, Dr. Smith, the openly gay pedophile. They always leave him in charge of the kid, you know.

1:02:03 Caller All the time. Young Will, Young Will.

1:02:06 Caller We're happy Will.

1:02:08 Caller I don't know, we got off on a tangent.

1:02:09 Adam It's like, what part do you plan? The gay cowardly guy who's stuck on a planet? That's fantastic. He must have a great agent. All right. Christy, where are we going to talk to Christy? You're 18, what's up?

1:02:26 Caller I need to know why I'm cheating on my boyfriend. And I care for him and he cares for me and we're in love, supposedly, okay? And he's very good to me.

1:02:35 Caller He's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

1:02:37 Drew Well, you don't like that. You like the dangerous, pain in the ass guys. That's what you think of as caring, loving. That's who you are in a relationship with somebody who's connected with somebody who is not actually available to you.

1:02:51 Caller Right?

1:02:52 Caller That's disheartening.

1:02:53 Drew Isn't that true?

1:02:56 Caller I like masculine men, if that's what you mean.

1:02:58 Drew Yeah.

1:02:59 Adam Where's your daddy?

1:03:01 Caller He's at home.

1:03:02 Adam Is he good? You lose anybody? Anything get taken away from you?

1:03:07 Caller No, but I'm not close to my parents.

1:03:09 Drew Why not?

1:03:10 Caller Why not?

1:03:11 Caller My mom doesn't care anymore.

1:03:13 Drew Why not?

1:03:14 Adam That's not an answer. Your mom doesn't care anymore?

1:03:16 Drew What does that mean?

1:03:16 Caller Well, she's tired of having kids and she's, I don't know.

1:03:20 Adam You get the feeling she was tired of you guys earlier than this?

1:03:23 Drew Is she alcoholic?

1:03:24 Caller No.

1:03:25 Drew How many siblings do you have?

1:03:27 Caller Just four.

1:03:28 Caller Four, just four.

1:03:30 Adam Four in you? Yeah, that's pretty healthy.

1:03:33 Caller Yeah.

1:03:33 Adam It's tough when you're tired of kids. You got a little brood of them.

1:03:36 Drew And what's your dad's deal?

1:03:38 Caller He's a devout Catholic.

1:03:41 Drew Is he kind of an angry, aggressive guy?

1:03:43 Caller No, no, he's really passive.

1:03:45 Adam He is.

1:03:45 Caller It's hard for me to connect with him.

1:03:47 Adam Did he have time for you?

1:03:49 Caller No, not as a child.

1:03:51 Caller He was working a lot.

1:03:52 Adam How old's your boyfriend right now?

1:03:55 Drew Oh, geez.

1:03:56 Adam Twenty-seven? You're eighteen and you're having sex with other guys?

1:04:01 Caller Uh, not anymore.

1:04:03 Adam How many guys would you say you screwed around with?

1:04:06 Caller Uh, I used to. About two other guys.

1:04:10 Adam About?

1:04:11 Caller Yeah.

1:04:12 Adam Okay, so about five guys?

1:04:13 Caller Yeah, but I went out on dates and stuff and...

1:04:17 Adam Where's your boyfriend? Where's he living?

1:04:19 Caller Uh, in Louisiana.

1:04:21 Adam Uh-huh.

1:04:22 Drew And where are you?

1:04:23 Caller In Texas.

1:04:24 Adam I see. And why are you hooked up with a guy who's, uh, twenty-seven and living a thousand miles away? Yeah. What's up with that?

1:04:30 Caller Because we...

1:04:32 Caller we're like good friends, too, I mean.

1:04:34 Drew Yeah, you treat him like a good friend. Oh, yeah. You treat him like a great friend, Chrissy.

1:04:38 Adam Yeah, you're wonderful.

1:04:40 Caller Well, we can talk about anything. I don't...

1:04:42 Adam Well, anything except for the guys you're banging. Write that down, Drew. That was hard. That was good. That was like out of an air and spell. Anything? I don't think so, Chrissy. What about Dr. Rex Dexler? You're having sex with him.

1:04:55 Caller Whose child are you carrying?

1:04:58 Adam Okay, so, uh, listen. The guy's out of state. He's ten years older than you. You're eighteen. You're amorous. You're looking for daddy. Why don't you just forget it? Just break up with the guy.

1:05:11 Caller I don't want to.

1:05:12 Drew Well, then commit yourself to this thing if that's what you want to have.

1:05:16 Adam How about doing that then?

1:05:17 Caller Do I need help or something?

1:05:19 Drew Well, it's hard to say. You're at age when sort of experimentation, trying to figure out who you are in a relationship is normal.

1:05:25 Adam You're a good looking eighteen year old girl, right?

1:05:28 Drew Yeah.

1:05:28 Adam Right?

1:05:29 Caller I'd like to think so.

1:05:31 Adam Listen, okay, here's what I'm thinking. As a guy, when you want to commit yourself to a relationship, let's say you're equivalent to a Christy, your guy, and you're saying, I got a girl, I love her very much, I've been unfaithful, I'd like to not do that anymore. Here's all you have to do.

1:05:49 Drew No problem.

1:05:49 Adam Stop doing it. Stop doing it.

1:05:50 Drew Well, stop, stop.

1:05:51 Adam Stop sending drinks over, stop cruising, stop doing it, stop working. Now, as an attractive 18-year-old girl, it's like being in a rock band, being out on tour and trying not to do any more coke. What I mean is, you're right in the thick of things. It ain't going to work, Drew. That's not going to work, right?

1:06:11 Drew It's going to be a problem for her. Plus, she wants to sabotage straight away anyway.

1:06:15 Adam Right. Meanwhile, this guy's 27, he has a long-distance relationship with an 18-year-old. I don't trust him and God knows what he's up to in Louisiana.

1:06:24 Caller He's getting some Baton Rouge.

1:06:28 Caller Okay.

1:06:31 Caller That was good. I'm sorry.

1:06:32 Drew Oh, she's having her period. Don't worry about it. They call it PMDD now, Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.

1:06:39 Caller Dysphoric?

1:06:40 Drew Yes.

1:06:40 Okay.

1:06:41 Caller What is that?

1:06:41 Mood problems.

1:06:42 Adam Really?

1:06:43 Drew You have to change the name of it. Medical nomenclature, you got to change the names every five years.

1:06:47 Caller Black people change it. We're colored, we're Negro, we're Blacks, we're African American. I'm confused.

1:06:52 Adam Right. Here's the point. The reason, I'm not sure about the Blacks, but I do know about the medical. The Blacks, the Blacks. The Negroes. The reason in medicine they change it is because once everyone starts catching on with the lingo, then it's like, hey, anyone could do this job, so we got to step up again and confuse people.

1:07:12 Drew It's the new guys coming in who need to sort of set themselves apart from the old guard.

1:07:17 Adam Right.

1:07:18 Drew That's really what it is.

1:07:19 Adam Give us some of the ways you've heard basic words pronounced. It always drives me insane.

1:07:24 Drew Nomenclature becomes nomenclature.

1:07:26 Adam Right.

1:07:27 Drew Skeleton, skeleton. Really?

1:07:29 Caller And they're changing the names?

1:07:31 Drew Umbilicus, umbilicus.

1:07:32 Caller No.

1:07:33 Adam Yeah, they spread it around.

1:07:35 Caller Umbilicus.

1:07:36 Adam To me, it's Demi Moore and Demi Moore. For a million years, it was always the Cannes Film Festival. It's now the Cannes Film Festival. And I think there's a couple other ones out there in Hollywood. You say tomato.

1:07:50 Caller I say tomato. I mean.

1:07:51 Drew But I really miss the new guys have to have to carve out their, stake their claim.

1:07:56 Caller Are they really changing the name of?

1:07:58 Drew PMDD.

1:07:59 Caller Oh, God.

1:07:59 Drew All right.

1:08:00 Caller Whatever it's called, it's hell. Pretty much.

1:08:02 Adam Chad?

1:08:03 Caller Yeah?

1:08:03 Adam You're 16.

1:08:05 Caller Oh, I just want to say, Adam, you rock, man.

1:08:07 Adam Thank you.

1:08:08 Caller I love his man show. Whatever.

1:08:09 Adam Oh, great. Thank you. What's up?

1:08:12 Caller Me and my girlfriend, we were about to have sex a while ago, a few days ago, and we tried for about 20 minutes, and I couldn't fit in her.

1:08:20 Drew This was your first try?

1:08:22 Caller Yeah, one of ours.

1:08:23 Adam Right. Well, she's got to un-cross her legs.

1:08:25 Drew Is there an anatomic difference between the two of you, or is it that she was so uptight that she was tight?

1:08:31 Caller I'm not really sure.

1:08:32 Adam I'd play the anatomic angle myself.

1:08:34 Drew I'd play the nervous angle myself.

1:08:36 Adam Well, no, if I was Chan.

1:08:37 Drew Oh, you'd say you would play that card. Yeah, I see.

1:08:40 Adam Sure. So, Chan, are you exceptionally wide?

1:08:45 Caller Not really. No.

1:08:47 Drew When women are very anxious, nervous, they clamp down and you don't get in, and that's her body telling you she's not ready to have you in.

1:08:55 Caller Is there any way we could fix that?

1:08:57 Drew Yeah, wait a little bit, talk to her.

1:08:59 Adam Run and start, some parquet.

1:09:02 Drew Yeah, I know that he wants to... This is where men become their most sort of concrete, most deliberate and...

1:09:08 Adam Well, it's the only time they really care about the vagina. I see. How can we rectify this for them?

1:09:13 Drew Yeah, but they never... But it's like they're talking about...

1:09:15 Caller The vagina. Sorry, they changed the name of it.

1:09:17 Drew It's like they're talking about hanging a door, though. There's no person attached to it. Just, let's fix this thing.

1:09:21 Caller Can we just open this up? Healthy pink vagina.

1:09:25 Caller That's for me!

1:09:26 Caller Oh my god! He found that! That's great! That's me!

1:09:30 Drew Yeah, you can put your shirt back down now.

1:09:33 Caller My healthy pink...

1:09:33 Are you Hot Daddy?

1:09:35 Drew No, that's not me. That's Jennifer Lopez or something. No, it was...

1:09:39 Adam Who is that? Oh, are you Hot Daddy?

1:09:42 Drew I know, I can see her face.

1:09:43 Caller Are you Hot Daddy?

1:09:46 Adam Uh, that is...

1:09:47 From Moesha.

1:09:48 Caller But I'm real fat.

1:09:50 Adam That's...

1:09:50 Caller No, no, that's Monique.

1:09:52 Adam That's Monique.

1:09:52 Caller Yeah. Have you got all the black girls on one tape?

1:09:55 Adam Yeah, it's a...

1:09:56 Caller I said Hot Pink Vagina. What is it? Healthy Pink Vagina. Are you Hot Daddy? But I'm not fat. That's hysterical.

1:10:05 Adam Hey, Chad. Yeah? How old is she? 16. 16. And is she a virgin?

1:10:12 Caller Yeah.

1:10:12 Drew Yeah.

1:10:12 Caller OK.

1:10:13 Adam So she's a little uptight. So listen, just take it slow.

1:10:16 Drew Take your time.

1:10:17 Caller Right.

1:10:17 Adam Take it and get some wine coolers and just...

1:10:20 Drew 16.

1:10:21 Adam OK. Well, here's my point.

1:10:24 Drew A little eel of acid. Mix it up.

1:10:27 Adam That's right. A ether rag and some duct tape, some Quaaludes and some Rofies. No, just... Chad, you got to just take it real slow. She got to be relaxed. All right. You understand? All right. It's really funny. Be good to her, Chad. My cat analogy.

1:10:42 Caller Is this his first time is what I want to know.

1:10:44 Drew No, we don't care about it.

1:10:45 Adam All right. Let's talk to... He's fine.

1:10:48 Caller Brian.

1:10:49 Caller We got to go to Brian.

1:10:50 Adam Brian.

1:10:51 Caller Yes.

1:10:52 Adam You're calling from the ocean?

1:10:55 Caller Where are you?

1:10:56 Adam You in your car?

1:10:57 Caller Yeah, I'm in my car.

1:10:58 Adam I see. What do you want to know?

1:11:02 Caller I've been dating my current girlfriend for about eight months. And so far, I haven't been able to get her to orgasm once. And I've talked to her about it, and I don't think she's ever even been able to make herself orgasm. So she's...

1:11:17 Caller The temerity of that woman.

1:11:18 Adam Yes. How dare she? And...

1:11:19 Drew Let's take a break.

1:11:20 Caller All right.

1:11:20 Adam Wait a minute. Yeah.

1:11:22 Caller So she's 22, and I think she's getting to an age old enough to where she should be able to orgasm.

1:11:29 Drew Honey, you're old enough now.

1:11:31 Adam Listen, you're 22, your vagina should know better.

1:11:33 Caller Right.

1:11:34 Adam It's not a little girl vagina anymore.

1:11:36 Caller Healthy pink vagina.

1:11:38 Adam Your clitoris is in college. Your labia is...

1:11:43 Caller Labia.

1:11:43 Adam Your labia. I mean, that was my... When I was doing Mornings in Tucson on AM, Dusty... Dusty Labia.

1:11:52 Drew That's good.

1:11:53 Caller With what I...

1:11:55 Adam Dusty Labia! Mornings with Dusty Labia.

1:12:00 Drew We'll hear more about it.

1:12:01 Adam All right, all right.

1:12:02 Drew And we'll get back to Brian, too.

1:12:05 Adam Well, Kim Coles is here. We'll take a little break.

1:12:10 Caller Love Line will be right back.

1:12:12 Caller So get your problems ready.

1:12:14 Caller Don't touch that dial. Love Line will be right back with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew right here on 94.7 NRK, The New Rock Alternatives.

1:12:45 Adam I'm glad you want to know if I wake up at 3 in the afternoon. And then what I do is I get down, I get nude and I hit the yard.

1:12:53 Exactly, that's what I, I figured you have the life.

1:12:56 Adam John's wife, Sarah's usually going out to collect the mail about that time.

1:13:01 Drew That's what that big shriek is about 3 in the afternoon.

1:13:05 She secretly digs it, I'm sure.

1:13:06 Adam Oh yeah.

1:13:07 Drew No, I'm sure she doesn't.

1:13:08 She is the coolest chick on earth.

1:13:11 Adam Yeah, she really is. She really is great. We talk through the fence and we always make some plans about getting together. But it never happens.

1:13:20 That's the great thing, because she keeps the link alive and makes sure that it's impossible to actually follow through on.

1:13:26 Adam One of these days, I'm going to get drunk and get my pellet gun out and do some serious damage. Some serious damage to the cryer household.

1:13:33 Just steer clear of the woodwork, OK? The mahogany is tough to replace.

1:13:37 Adam That is beautiful. John lives in a beautiful home up there, Drew. Beautiful mahogany woodwork.

1:13:43 Best Of Neat. Yeah.

1:13:44 Adam Not like that 80s trash you live in. This is real. This ain't the Purgot family hut that you're in over there. This is real old time craftsmanship. You understand that, Drew?

1:13:55 Drew I understand.

1:13:55 Caller OK.

1:13:57 Caller Dick.

1:14:00 Adam John Cryer, Larry Joe Campbell and Pageant Bruce are all here from The Trouble With Normal. That is Friday nights, 830 on ABC, part of the new line up with the Finnegan men and the norm of the Brennigan trio. What the hell? Two guys and a girl. Two guys, a girl, which is I like to call it the little show that could because nobody put a lot of stock in that show 14 years ago when it hit the air. I was on that damn show. I guest starred on that show. Really? Yeah.

1:14:34 Caller Hey, yeah, actually. Wow.

1:14:37 Adam Yeah, I was. I played myself and I wasn't convincing, but I was all over the show. Remember that, Drew?

1:14:44 Drew Ridiculous.

1:14:45 Caller Thank you.

1:14:46 Adam All right. And Norm, which is a show I like, not because a great show. I just love Norm MacDonald. I really do. And not as a human being. He's a horrible alcoholic gambler. But, well, he didn't make that. But he's funny. I like the guy.

1:15:02 Caller I like that Laurie Metcalf, I must say.

1:15:04 Adam Yes, she's she's talented. All right, Drew, we ready to keep on rolling here?

1:15:07 Drew Just keep going. One number after the next special order, as you say.

1:15:11 Adam All right. You don't have your screen up there and drive me insane. Sam, you're 18. What's up?

1:15:18 Caller I masturbate once every two to three weeks.

1:15:21 Caller Oh, congratulations.

1:15:22 Best Of How old are you?

1:15:23 Caller You could do it more.

1:15:24 Adam Yeah.

1:15:25 Caller Yeah.

1:15:27 Caller I don't even think about it more. And the worst thing is I'm not having sex or hand jobs, blow jobs, anything.

1:15:34 Drew How old are you? 18.

1:15:36 Caller You just may not have the most pronounced sex drive. That's, you know, I mean, I don't know, Dr. Drew, is there is there a an area that you have to hit, you know, your belly, I think. I was just going to say statistically, is there an area you have to hit in order to be a normal human?

1:15:57 Drew I'm not sure that, I mean, I'm not, I don't know, that number must be out there, but it's not something that's sort of usually discussed.

1:16:03 Adam Oh, wait a minute.

1:16:04 Caller Well, this is the place to discuss it.

1:16:05 Adam If ever there was a place for an 18 year old once a day. Come on. Yeah. You're, you're, I'm scared. Or do you have a tumor?

1:16:13 Drew I think it's more like twice or two, three times a week.

1:16:15 Adam Two or three times a week at 18.

1:16:17 Drew Median average.

1:16:18 Adam No way. No way.

1:16:21 Drew I understand you and your friends were on some sort of holy terror.

1:16:24 Adam Yes.

1:16:24 Caller You'd be thrown year after year.

1:16:25 Adam You would have been thrown right out of our club and we would have demanded our jacket back. You're no longer one of the Jackers.

1:16:34 Drew The Jacker Jacket.

1:16:35 Adam That's right. That's right. Rip the stripes right off the lapel. Slap you across the face with the gym sock and it's back to your house.

1:16:45 Drew But is our caller still there?

1:16:46 Adam Yes.

1:16:46 Drew Yeah. Do you want any medication? No, I'm not. Do you have any medical problems? No. Normal puberty, puberty cannot, normal time, that kind of thing? Yeah. Your normal height and weight? Yeah.

1:16:59 Adam All right. Well, why don't you get with it a little more? See if you can.

1:17:02 Drew It really depends on the context, whether or not, whether or not it's something medically relevant.

1:17:06 Caller I mean, it might actually keep you from doing a lot of stupid crap, because let me tell you, needing to do it often at that age made me do some stupid stuff.

1:17:15 Drew Oh, and that Jacker group that Adam hung around with, it became insane. They started, they literally started doing crap.

1:17:21 Adam That's right. We were crazed. We robbed a sperm bank. We turned to crime. We need to be an insatiable appetite for sperm. You know, it's no different than any drug. That's why they got to legalize it. That's how the mob took over.

1:17:40 Drew Whatever excrement you can get out of your guys' body.

1:17:42 Caller Bathtub jizz, that's all.

1:17:44 Adam I mean, speakeasies.

1:17:48 Caller The Jacker Menace.

1:17:49 Adam All right, Drew, how dare you? John, you can't see it in my house, can you?

1:17:54 Caller No, because your house is perched high on a hill.

1:17:56 Adam Yeah, once in a while.

1:17:57 Caller It is mine that you can see.

1:17:58 Adam I try to make it from the den up the stairs in the nude. I wonder if John is anywhere to be found. All right, where the hell? Chris?

1:18:11 Caller Yes, sir.

1:18:11 Adam You're 23.

1:18:12 Caller Thanks.

1:18:13 Adam What's up?

1:18:14 Caller I have a friend who is being physically abused by her ex-boyfriend, and she won't press charges or do anything about it. So I want to know if there's anything I can do or anybody I can contact or anything that I can do to help her.

1:18:25 Adam How is she still having contact with him if it's her ex?

1:18:28 Caller Well, he's trying to get her back, and she's not doing a very good job of ignoring him, so she lets her in his house, she rides home from school from him, stuff like that. So when he gets her alone, he knocks her down, he grabs her, put bruises on her arms, stuff like that. So she's got bruises on her arms and neck and rib cage and stuff.

1:18:45 Adam And you're just her friend? Do you like her?

1:18:48 Caller I dated her for a couple weeks, but it was too psychotic, so I got out and...

1:18:51 Adam She's chaotic. Yeah, she's... Because her dad was abusive?

1:18:56 Caller I don't know, but this guy has pushed her down in front of the dad, and the dad doesn't do anything.

1:19:03 Caller Also the girl must be dealing with something like that, because she wouldn't put up with it if it hadn't been reinforced somehow.

1:19:11 Drew Where do you live?

1:19:13 Caller What's that?

1:19:13 Drew Where do you live?

1:19:14 Caller Sacramento.

1:19:16 Drew I would suggest you call the police and ask for their help, because domestic violence in California is a huge issue. And actually, theoretically, if you know something like this going on, you have an obligation to report it.

1:19:26 Caller Well, I know, and that's what I want to do, but...

1:19:28 Drew Or call social services, but I would call police.

1:19:30 Adam All right, but hold on a second. Can you... Here's my feeling about everyone calling the police for everything. That means less police for me who needs the police every once in a while and who pays more taxes than all you slackers. So stop calling the cops for everyone all the time. It drives me nuts. Cats in the tree, call the cops. The refrigerator, it looks like it's leaking. There's some kind of fluid coming out. Get 911. Let's get the cops up here. All this domestic stuff. Get out of harm's way. You tell her, Chris, to get away from this guy.

1:20:03 Caller She doesn't buy it. She won't.

1:20:05 Adam Well, then see if she can go find a... Can you get her steered toward therapy? Because this is going to continue.

1:20:13 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:20:14 Drew Women's group, survivor group.

1:20:15 Caller If you don't get her alone, it's going to be somebody else eventually.

1:20:17 Adam Of course. So as a friend, why don't you try to steer toward some therapy or something like that?

1:20:22 Caller Okay, Drew, I have another quick question for you.

1:20:23 Drew Yeah.

1:20:24 Caller Is there any hotline or anything I can call to get a referral for a relationship addiction support group sort of thing?

1:20:31 Adam What do you got going?

1:20:33 Caller Except for her?

1:20:34 Drew What is he looking for?

1:20:35 Caller I'm looking for a support group for people who can't deal with themselves when they're not in a relationship.

1:20:43 Adam Oh, is that herself?

1:20:45 Caller No, that's me.

1:20:47 Drew Did you have an addict parent?

1:20:50 Caller Well, father was an alcoholic, but sober when I was probably one and has been perfect ever since.

1:20:56 Drew I would just say you start with Al-Anon, because that really helps heal that part that causes that sort of intense need for a relationship to fix you.

1:21:04 Adam Hey, Chris, we're opening a Sacramento chapter of The Jackers.

1:21:10 Caller Do I get a jacket?

1:21:11 Adam Cut out of the way.

1:21:12 Caller Do I get a jacket?

1:21:13 Adam He said.

1:21:13 Caller You gotta earn the jacket.

1:21:17 Caller If I can get a jacket, I'm in.

1:21:18 Adam It's sort of like those gang initiations when all the guys sort of pounce on the other guy. But it's got a little twist at the end. I can't mention the bylaws that don't permit me for mentioning it over the air.

1:21:30 Drew But it's called a twist. You know, what's your name, caller? Chris. Chris. There's also 11 sex addicts anonymous. OK, and that is another way of going. Again, it's a very cost effective. It's free. And if you get a sponsor and work at the step, it tends to heal some of this stuff very nicely.

1:21:47 Caller How do I contact somebody for that?

1:21:49 Drew I would just check to check with the local AA.

1:21:51 Adam Hey, Chris, listen, grab yourself, get yourself some help and, you know, do what you can for your friend. But if she ain't going for it, she ain't going for it. And you part of your work is steering yourself away from helping her.

1:22:04 Caller OK, so I mean, once I.

1:22:05 Adam It's good enough. Yeah, please. I mean, Jesus Christ, we're going to go over there, Todd. Yeah, you're 19.

1:22:14 Caller Yeah.

1:22:14 Adam What's up?

1:22:15 Caller Here's what's going on. Before I even get started. Hello, Adam, Drew and to your guests.

1:22:20 Drew Todd.

1:22:20 Caller Hi.

1:22:21 Caller Hello.

1:22:22 Caller OK.

1:22:23 Drew All right. Adam, you figure Todd's going to last till 40? He's tall.

1:22:27 Adam Oh, you know, my theory of yeah, no, no man named Todd over the age of 40. So you're all because there's no grandpa, old man Todd. There's no old miner. Would you shut up? Shut up. Idiot. Jesus, people act like I don't have a button that can just cut them off. The best part of this job. Chelsea. Chelsea. Caller goes by the name of Chelsea or 14.

1:22:52 Caller Yeah, I have a question about herpes.

1:22:54 Caller All right.

1:22:56 Caller But before I lost my virginity, I've like I've seen like a blister looking bump on me, like down by my vagina and everything.

1:23:03 Drew It wasn't herpes though.

1:23:04 Caller Well, I know, but now like they're worse or something like that. They're like more.

1:23:09 Drew How old are you now?

1:23:10 Caller Fourteen.

1:23:11 Drew Hey, Drew, Drew, Drew.

1:23:12 Adam Yeah. And do me a favor. Grab a scratch pad there and write everyone's name and age down.

1:23:17 Drew You know what? You go. You say it so quickly. The other people talking sometimes want me to hear.

1:23:20 Adam Grab the scratch pad anyway.

1:23:22 Drew I've got I've actually got in front of me. So you are sexually active now? And listen, if you're sexually active, you need to go have a pelvic exam, right? Right.

1:23:35 Caller What's that?

1:23:36 Adam That's where your pelvis gets examined.

1:23:39 Drew Your doc needs you're at risk for cervical cancers and different diseases because you're sexually active. So it really becomes important now that you begin having regular gynecologic examinations. No, I think the probability of this being herpes is very remote because it's the same thing you had before you started having sex.

1:23:57 Adam Well, what do you think it is, Drew?

1:23:58 Drew Just like a Bartholin cyst or sebaceous cyst, something like that. She doesn't know what herpes looks like. But it should hopefully motivate you to go in and get your regular pap smears because you need to get contraception and you get checked regularly if you're sexually active.

1:24:11 Adam How old is the guy you're having sex with?

1:24:13 Caller I'm not having sex with anybody right now.

1:24:15 Adam Oh, you just had a little slip up?

1:24:18 Caller Well, I guess.

1:24:21 Adam That's all right.

1:24:22 Drew How old was he?

1:24:24 Adam How old was he?

1:24:26 Caller What, the last person?

1:24:27 Adam OK. No, the combined age of the last two guys. 106. OK. Listen, hey, Chelsea. And I'm going to give this message not only out to you, but everyone who calls this goddamn show. I know you think of yourself as some sort of riddle that we want to get to the bottom of. Here's the point. We don't care. I'll hang up on your ass. Start answering questions or we hang up.

1:24:49 Caller That's it.

1:24:51 Adam I'm not interested. How old was the guy?

1:24:54 Caller The guy that lost my Virginia.

1:24:55 Adam OK, that's it. I don't care anymore. I don't care. I've been I've tried and tried.

1:25:01 Caller All right. All right.

1:25:02 Adam Yes. The guy who lost your Virginia to.

1:25:04 Caller OK.

1:25:05 Caller He was 14.

1:25:06 Adam All right.

1:25:06 Caller I was 12.

1:25:08 Adam Oh, now it's slipping.

1:25:10 Caller Two weeks before my 13th birthday.

1:25:11 Caller Oh, well, that's better. OK.

1:25:13 Adam But it was a week before his 31st birthday, which is which is different because he's hopping. And what about the last guy?

1:25:21 Caller The last guy? He was 15.

1:25:22 Adam All right.

1:25:23 Caller Well, at least you're in your ballpark.

1:25:25 Caller Yeah, I mean, but you do want to go and have a gynecological exam.

1:25:30 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:25:31 Caller It's it's a little rose bush honey and you want to take care of it.

1:25:35 Adam That's right. Anyway, you got to weed and seed something. You got to prune. I don't know what you do. You know, I sure pruning is once in a while someone comes over and explains what I'm supposed to do with my rose bush.

1:25:49 Caller I'm trying to be tactful.

1:25:50 Adam No, I know. I know you're using that as a euphemism for the vagina. Yes, I appreciate. But I'm actually talking about my hedges. And I go, well, what you got to do is, you know, next time it rains, you got to go out at four in the morning and bring, now don't use, don't use the, use tweezers. And it's called cross-pollination. I'm going to say, okay, listen, I'm going to go inside and smoke pie. Whatever goes on, goes on out here. Let God do the work. All right, we will take ourselves a little break. The Trouble with Normal is the name of the show. We have most of the cast here tonight. Dr. Drew is in San Francisco doing a mediocre job. And we'll be back after this.

1:26:33 Best Of Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:26:36 Caller I can't do this on cue. Love Line, NRK, 94.7 NRK, the new rock alternative, was that it?

1:26:44 Adam Fantastic.

1:26:52 Caller Oh my, it's Loveline.

1:26:54 Caller 94.7 NRK.

1:27:06 Adam Yeah, loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew in San Francisco, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. John, Larry, and Padgett are all here from The Trouble with Normal, ABC, 8.30, Friday nights, right after?

1:27:23 Caller Two Guys Girl.

1:27:23 Adam Two Guys Girl, right. And then Trouble with Normal, then?

1:27:27 Caller Norm.

1:27:28 Adam Norm, then?

1:27:30 Caller Shenanigan Man.

1:27:30 Adam Shenanigan Man, Shenanigan Man.

1:27:33 Caller No, I love the Irish.

1:27:35 Caller Right.

1:27:37 Adam Sorry, I swallowed some. And then 2020, right? Is that how it is?

1:27:41 Caller Yes, yes.

1:27:42 Adam Yeah, Friday night's my big, big TV night.

1:27:44 Caller Yeah, it was cool. I was on The View and Barbara, actually Barbara Walters grabbed my hand and said, you're going to make people watch my show, right? Because we were sort of a lead in. And I just felt it was great feeling the cold, clammy hand of Barbara Walters. It was actually very nice, very, very nice.

1:28:03 Adam Drew, you've done The View more than once, right?

1:28:05 Drew Yeah.

1:28:06 Adam I think I've done it once or twice. Do we do it twice?

1:28:10 Drew And about a half dozen times. And Barbara Walters is an amazing person.

1:28:13 Adam Oh, sure. Yeah, she is.

1:28:15 Caller She is very cool. I felt thrilled to be sitting right next to her.

1:28:18 Adam She wasn't there the two times I did it.

1:28:21 Drew Conveniently.

1:28:22 Caller Yeah, great.

1:28:23 Adam But one of them liked me, right? Who liked me?

1:28:26 Caller Star. Oh, Debbie Jones.

1:28:28 Drew No, Debbie.

1:28:29 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:28:30 Caller Oh, the one who's gone.

1:28:32 Adam Yeah.

1:28:32 Drew As soon as she professed her love for Adam, she was fired immediately.

1:28:35 Adam Yeah, that's right.

1:28:36 Caller I think just you can't hold it against somebody that they're not very bright.

1:28:40 Adam You know, you're talking about Drill or you're talking about her?

1:28:44 Caller No, everybody said, oh, she's really dumb. She's really dumb. And I didn't think I didn't think so, first of all.

1:28:49 Adam Well, she had the good sense to be attracted to me, number one. So how dumb? Listen, aren't they looking for a balance? I mean, they want some sort of they wanted a sort of representation of the general populace. And let me tell you, there's plenty of stupid women out there. So shouldn't you have at least one represented on your show? Don't you need one you can make fun of? See, that's the problem.

1:29:10 Caller It's like the Woody Harrelson of the of the view. She should have been. Absolutely.

1:29:15 Adam And here's the thing about guys, if there's a there's a doofus guy, he's known as doofus, you know, and made fun of. Where's where's women just quietly fire them?

1:29:25 Drew Where's doofus? Where's doofus? Like a badge of valor.

1:29:28 Adam It is true. Hey, doofus, come here. Let me use you. Like, open this beer bottle with your mouth, doofus. And quit Bogart and the Cheez-Its. I work at the Cheez-It factory. Still? Because I did work there, but I got fired for stealing too many Cheez-Its and yelling about working, being the king of the Cheez-It.

1:29:53 Drew Mine's six, Adam.

1:29:54 Adam All right. How dare you interrupt my Cheez-It riff. Jackie?

1:30:00 Caller Yes.

1:30:01 Adam Near 18.

1:30:01 Caller Yes, I am.

1:30:02 Adam What's up?

1:30:03 Caller My boyfriend and I have been together for six months. And after about three months, we started having sex and we lost our virginity to each other. And in the beginning, we had sex a lot of time, all time and stuff. But now it's like he doesn't want to do it anymore, even though he likes it. How often? Well, we felt once a week.

1:30:22 Drew It's just a little below average.

1:30:23 Adam How old is he? Well, for an 18. You know, 19. That's well below average.

1:30:28 Drew And again, is he on medications?

1:30:30 Caller No, he's not.

1:30:30 Adam And how long did you say you were together?

1:30:32 Caller Just six months.

1:30:33 Adam Yeah, it shouldn't be dropping this.

1:30:35 Caller Yeah. Usually that stuff's emotional. Usually that's a woman for a man.

1:30:40 Drew Not quite so much.

1:30:42 Caller Well, you see, because I used to initiate it and he didn't like that because he thought I was like a bit too forward on that. So I said, OK, fine, you have to initiate it. And he's like, OK, whatever. That's when it just like stopped.

1:30:52 Adam Yeah. And I tried that to initiate it. And now I did the hand count down in five.

1:31:03 Caller Action, action.

1:31:05 Adam All right. Now, that was good for first try. But let's try the initiation again and this time have fun with it. All right. So it didn't work when you cued him to initiate.

1:31:16 Caller No, I mean, I mean, but the sex was better when he initiated it.

1:31:21 Adam Sometimes you hit the person with a wicker stick and yell at them to initiate. I tend to help. That tends to help. All right. Jackie, maybe he's checking out. Maybe he's not so interested in the relationship.

1:31:33 Caller I don't know. I don't know. Like about two weeks or so before, like our six month anniversary, we got in a real big fight and we almost broke up, but we ended up getting closer at the time. And then it was just kind of like we got closer and then he left for school and it was just bad.

1:31:48 Adam Okay, hey Drew, chime in here. Here's the deal. When you get in a relationship at 18 or 17 and a half, you have this feeling like it's supposed to go on forever. But when it starts hitting bumps about six months, and they end up stretching out another year, but really they should just sort of see the signs in the road. He's going off, he's not initiating.

1:32:09 Drew Yeah, you don't know how to end a relationship at 18. You don't know what the signs are, the relationship is over, you share a fantasy that's going to last forever. And if five years from now you wouldn't let this relationship last eight weeks.

1:32:20 Caller Yeah, that big fight you had the other night should have ended with one of you saying, I don't think this is working anymore. But it didn't, and consequently it's still sort of up in the air.

1:32:31 Adam But it is true, and it's weird. I mean, remember when you graduated high school, you made all these announcements that you'd be back every month to visit all the teachers. When homecoming rolls around again, you're going to be up there in the stands, waving your banner and everything. And it's like, that was 16 years ago or something, or 20 years ago, forget it. You think in a nostalgic way, like a pre-emptive nostalgia, when you're 17, 18 years old, you're going to keep in touch with everyone.

1:33:07 Drew Well, it's grandiose. It's omnipotent. Yeah, it's like, this is the best frame.

1:33:11 Adam Well, I'll never forget you. Yeah, it's everything's St. Elmo's fire. Right. It's basically, you're 19. There's Hans Zimmer banging away in the background.

1:33:21 Caller You know?

1:33:23 Adam Who the hell did that thing?

1:33:25 Caller The point is, it was Parr. It was Michael Parr. Thank you very much. Who wants to be a millionaire? I'm winning.

1:33:32 Adam Honest Casio in the background, and you think it's all going on forever.

1:33:38 Drew Line three.

1:33:40 Caller I could be a man in motion.

1:33:42 Caller I need a pair of wheels.

1:33:44 Adam Yeah. That was hot.

1:33:46 Caller Guy in a wheelchair.

1:33:48 Caller Whatever.

1:33:48 Drew Julia.

1:33:49 Adam Julia.

1:33:50 Caller Hi.

1:33:51 Adam You're 19. What's going on?

1:33:52 Caller My question is for Dr. Drew.

1:33:53 Caller Yeah.

1:33:55 Caller I didn't have my period for a year. So I went to the doctor and got some blood tests, and my hormones were all weird. My estrogen level was really low, but my pituitary was like normal.

1:34:06 Drew Do they think you have a prolactin secreting tumor?

1:34:10 Caller See, he said that I have something, because I got an MRI done on my head, and I have something on my pituitary.

1:34:17 Drew Right.

1:34:18 Caller He couldn't really see it because it's really small right now.

1:34:21 Drew Those are called microadenomas, and they're usually prolactin secreting. But you haven't been lactating or anything like that?

1:34:27 Adam Drew, are you a real doctor or just a love doctor?

1:34:32 Caller No, I haven't been lactating.

1:34:33 Caller Okay.

1:34:36 Adam Well, wait a minute. Is there something that's going on inside of her skull that's creating this?

1:34:40 Drew Yeah, she's got a little growth in the pituitary, and sometimes these can be controlled with medication.

1:34:45 Caller Well, he said it was really common, but I don't know anybody who had this problem.

1:34:50 Drew It's a common medical problem. It's uncommon in the real world. But I would suggest you see an endocrinologist, and there are those that specialize particularly in pituitary disorders. There's a medicine called bromocryptine. If this is a prolactin secreting tumor, that sometimes when you take, they shrink right down very nicely.

1:35:05 Caller Okay, honey, get a pencil. Endocrinologist, E-N-D-O-C-R-I-N.

1:35:12 Drew Because sometimes they also there's another one.

1:35:14 Adam There's another one that wants to be a millionaire.

1:35:17 Caller Well, no, I'm just saying, because he was talking so fast. You know, seriously, no, dude, you were talking really fast. You were talking about it. And then the gland will excrete this, but it's prolactin and give the girl a chance. She's got to find an endocrinologist for crying out loud. Write it down, woman, write it down.

1:35:33 Adam I got a cantaloupe sized tumor in her brain. How is she supposed to focus?

1:35:38 Drew They used to actually go after these and surgically remove them. They're less likely to do that. All right.

1:35:42 Adam Well, they can control medication. Julia, talk to a specialist and stay on it.

1:35:48 Drew Endocrine gland specialist.

1:35:49 Adam All right.

1:35:50 Caller Well, can it cause problems with having kids later on because they put me on the pill and so I have my period, but...

1:35:55 Drew Yeah. They should be able to... No, no, you should be able to have restored fertility.

1:36:00 Caller Okay.

1:36:00 Drew Okay. Thank you.

1:36:01 Adam All right. Drew, where are those glands? All over the place.

1:36:05 Drew Which ones?

1:36:05 Adam I don't know. They're always checking your neck. You know what I mean?

1:36:08 Drew Those are lymph glands. Those are different.

1:36:10 Adam And then you got the ones under your armpits, right?

1:36:12 Drew Those are lymph glands. The endocrine system is not the lymphatic system. That's very different.

1:36:16 Caller Wait, is it the pituitary gland above your ear?

1:36:19 Drew No, it's right in the middle of your head, right in the middle, like behind your nose kind of.

1:36:25 Adam Nice. All right. So I could get to it with a chopstick and a 40-ounce.

1:36:30 Drew And a drill.

1:36:31 Adam And a drill. I don't want to give away too much. We're part of the initiation of the Jackers. It has to do with the endocrine gland. It really does. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back.

1:36:48 Caller Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:36:51 Caller This evening, Loveline is brought to you by Car Toys and the Cobalt Lounge, right here on 947NRK, the New Rock Alternative.

1:37:27 Adam All right, there you go, that is it. Another fantastic show in the can. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo. Where was that cello made? Oh, it was made in Duchenna. Well, now.

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Wednesday, December 27, 2000