Episode 1000754887054

1:01 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:05 One, go.

1:08 Voiceover Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:13 Voiceover Yeah, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. And tonight from Politically Incorrect and most recently from Tom Katz, which is coming out this Friday. Bill Maher is here.

1:34 Bill Maher Thank you, Adam.

1:35 Adam And it's about time. And let me kiss Bill Maher's ass and insult him at the same time, if I may, to get the show started. Bill has been kind enough to have us on Politically Incorrect quite a few times between the two of us, maybe 15 or 20 times if you combined our scheduled appearances. And I, this is a town where people love to talk about how bad other people are. Like, I work with a bunch of writers and comedians and performers. They love to, they love to bag on guys like Leno. And they love to bag on these late night guys, especially. They love to bag on, no, not, they're sort of mediocre with Conan, but Kilbourne. They love to bag on. And the thing about, and they like those guys. They just like to bag on them. I mean, personally, I'm sure, but they like to bag on their performances. Bill Maher, everybody respects. And I don't think that many people even like them.

2:31 Bill Maher They just respect that's exactly right.

2:33 Adam And you know, you're good when people want to say bad things about you and still have to admit you do a good job and that you're very good.

2:41 Bill Maher Thank you. I do take that as a as a compliment. No, but it is true. You're right. And I don't care. You know, I mean, there was a certain point in my life where I cared. And you know, I don't because I know why people don't like me. It's because I don't lie. Yeah. Well, if you don't lie, you will make a lot of enemies.

3:02 Adam Well, they I don't even think they dislike you. They don't want to like.

3:06 Bill Maher No, they dislike me.

3:07 Adam Okay, they dislike. They hate Bill's effing guts. But every person I've ever spoken to, even the late night snobs, even the other comedians and other writers, they're like, yeah, he does a good job on that show. You can tell they hate to say it, but they can't say anything else.

3:25 Bill Maher If I may return the compliment, it's not kindness that has us having you guys on as much as we can. It's because, you know, good guests are always at a premium, especially when you do five shows a week or four guests a night. There's never enough good guests. So, you know, we'd have you guys on like every week if we could. But I see that you have this other gig.

3:47 Drew It's a little radio thing to do.

3:49 Bill Maher Yeah.

3:49 Adam And I was also thinking about Bill's voice ringing in my head while I was in the shower earlier tonight. And he said to me last time I saw him, he was like, what do you do that damn radio show for that is that's his prime hours. I mean, for Bill, that's right.

4:09 Bill Maher Checking the traps is my friend. Red Shidner used to say, check in the traps. Are you?

4:13 Adam That's that's right. It is it is hunting time for Bill between 10 and midnight. Every week night. And every single week night he is out. Boring. It is absolutely true.

4:26 Bill Maher I am not. I'm out every other week night doing that.

4:29 Adam Then he said, why? You know, what the hell are you doing? And and he asks us that again tonight. And I think we're probably here for the same reason that you're at PI., which is you're good at it. People appreciate it. And it's it's in a day and age where you really can't do that much, especially on TV, but on radio too. We both have jobs that offer you about as much freedom as you're going to find in either medium. Right.

4:57 Bill Maher Absolutely. I was just asking because it just seems like the hours, five nights a week, to be here from 10 to 12 would be so grueling. Grueling.

5:09 Adam Well, Drew loves the kids and I love making fun of the kids. That's really why we're here. You get approached a lot to do radio and I'm guessing sitcoms and things like that. Where do you stand on all that stuff?

5:26 Bill Maher Radio more. I had a whole sitcom life in the 80s. Really? Yeah. I came out here in 83. It's a freshly scrubbed young comedian doing the Tonight Show every few months and the gargoyles were always in that era to get on a sitcom and I did. I got on a show called Sarah in 1985 with Gina Davis. Wow. It was Sarah, Alfre Woodard, Brunson Pinchot and myself played lawyers in San Francisco and she was kind of a Mary Tyler Moore of the 80s. I was so excited because they said next week when it premiered there was going to be a full page ad in TV Guide and sure enough I get the TV Guide and there's the full page ad and under my picture it says the office creep. So I played the, you know I played the macho, I was doing Ted Knight is what I was doing. I was stupid in macho and Brunson was gay and Alfre was black and Gina was the lead. It was supposed to last forever and it went off in 13 weeks. Then I did a couple years later I did a show on Showtime, a sitcom called Hard Knocks. Very few people remember that one. Very few people had Showtime back in 87, 88, whatever it was and we were detectives, mismatched detectives if you can believe it.

6:57 Adam Oh you mean you guys weren't exactly the same?

6:59 Bill Maher Exactly.

7:00 Drew Coffee and Donuts.

7:00 Bill Maher Right, he was kind of a country.

7:04 Adam That's my idea, it's called Coffee and Donuts.

7:06 Bill Maher Right, I love that.

7:07 Adam Johnny Donetti, Donuts is a tough street-wise Chicago cop. Guess what rules he plays by Drew? His own rules. His own rules.

7:13 Bill Maher Oh he's a maverick.

7:15 Adam And Charles Coffee the Third is a very uptight guy who works a bow tie.

7:19 Bill Maher Exactly.

7:20 Adam He's vegan. Right. And they get in that hole, you know what's in that hot dog.

7:23 Bill Maher Well that was it. I was like a hippie, an ex-hippie, I had long hair and my partner was kind of country bumpkin type. He was dumb and I was a wise ass and we fought crime. It was not the best planned show because it was on again 13 weeks, but even after it was on for like 10 people would come up to me and say, that show is kind of funny, but what do you guys do? They didn't get that we were detectives because we didn't like have an office. We hung out at a bar and we just seemed to be floating through life.

7:54 Drew How did PI happen? Is that your idea?

7:56 Bill Maher Yeah. That was finally when I got fed up with the sitcom. Because then I did another one called Charlie Hoover, Sam Kinison, and Tim Matheson. Sam was a little devil on Tim's shoulder.

8:10 Adam Yeah, that one I remember.

8:11 Bill Maher Yeah, I remember Sam passed out in the makeup chair many a day. Talk about a drug problem there, Doc. You could have used you a little to intervene there. Wow. Then I did Schmuck and Son. I played Joe Schmuckalovitz. No, I'm kidding about that one.

8:30 Adam It sounds like the best idea so far.

8:31 Bill Maher Yeah, right. I'm bringing up Chunky. Do you remember that? Bringing up Chunky, the one I did early 90s?

8:40 Adam No, I missed that one. No, I'm kidding now. So then you create PI. I know I'm trimming a lot of fat here. It goes to Comedy Central, right?

8:51 For a long time.

8:52 Adam Five years on Comedy Central?

8:53 Drew Eight years, wasn't it?

8:55 Bill Maher It was on Comedy Central 4 and now it's been on ABC 4. But what about the people who are in trouble? We're talking about me and here's some guy saying, you know what? There's like green puffs coming out. What should I do?

9:09 Adam Well, let's find out.

9:10 Drew Funny you should ask.

9:11 Jason, you're 13.

9:14 Hey, what's up, guys?

9:16 Drew Hey, Jason.

9:16 Hey, Adam, you're like a god.

9:19 Adam Thank you.

9:21 I don't even, I can't believe I'm talking to you.

9:23 Bill Maher That's why Adam does the show.

9:25 Adam 13 year old kid's telling me, thank God I can get as much 13 year old male tail as I can shake a stick at via this show. You can't find that at any bar at 11 o'clock at night.

9:37 You got to go into their home buddy.

9:38 Drew Jason, what's going on?

9:39 Adam Via the radio.

9:40 Drew Jason.

9:41 Yeah.

9:41 Drew What's up? You got a question?

9:44 Yeah. All right.

9:45 Drew You can ask it now.

9:46 Okay.

9:46 The question is like, um, how much?

9:51 Adam Drew, don't start with any pre-predescent boys, would you please? It's always a nightmare.

9:57 Drew It's only got up there's 15, 16 year old males.

10:01 Bill Maher What happened there?

10:02 Adam You and your dad busted him. Stop talking. Don't go to guys right at the beginning, Drew. Don't we go through this every night? Oh, you too. They scream something about an ass. Well, please. Francis? Yeah. You'd argue with him too, Bill. Believe me if you had to work with him. Francis, you're 15.

10:18 Caller Sup, great Spoozini. Sup, Drew. Sup, Bill.

10:21 Adam Great. How you doing?

10:22 Caller Pretty good. My sister's also on the line when she found out that I was talking to you guys that she demanded to talk to Bill Maher.

10:30 Drew Your sister? There she is. What's your name?

10:33 Caller Bridget.

10:34 Drew Bridget.

10:34 How old are you, Bridget?

10:36 Caller You are a god, not Adam.

10:37 Bill Maher Oh, thank you, Bridget. I appreciate that.

10:40 Adam Thanks for the clarification. For a minute there, I thought I was a god, but no.

10:44 Caller I'm sorry. Well, he basically, well, he uses his opinions, but he also uses some information besides.

10:50 Bill Maher That's right. Thank you for noticing that.

10:53 Adam Stuff his producers feed him through an IFB.

10:56 Bill Maher That's so not true. Bridget, don't let them burst your bubble. He's a mean old man. He's bitter because he's blocked up here every night from 10 to 12. It's true.

11:04 Adam I'm not out here. All right. What do you want?

11:09 Caller All right. Well, it's about you're doing shows with, at like Columbine, you're doing shows coming up. I saw on the last night on the after party Oscar thing.

11:21 Adam Is that Bill?

11:22 Bill Maher No. Actually, we're going to do a week with the teenagers. You're absolutely right. Boy, these kids are really on the ball. Yeah. They know more about it than I do. But we're not going to Columbine. No, but we're going to have, I think, maybe a couple of kids from there. We were doing a whole week. I think it is the week after this. I think it's the very next week where we're going to have each night. I guess we'll have three, two or three teenagers. We're going to talk about different topics like bullying at the schools and one night sex and one night drugs and see if we can get to the bottom of what's wrong with these kids. Of course, there's nothing wrong with going to see Tomcats. It would really help, is what I have to say.

12:02 Adam You kids, absolutely.

12:04 Bill Maher Oh, my God.

12:05 Drew It's shameless.

12:06 Bill Maher I'm kidding.

12:06 Drew Bridget, you still like Bill?

12:07 Caller I don't care. We had a bomb threat at our school.

12:10 Caller Yeah. We got off a day of school because some freshman kid decided...

12:15 Caller Who I know.

12:15 Caller Well, anyway, he decided he would pull a bomb scare. He left a note at the local athletic club. And he signed a name to it and they had a little video camera and it showed exactly who it was. So now we have to make up the stay at the end of the school. Like, like the day of graduation.

12:34 Caller Oh, really?

12:36 Adam Yeah.

12:37 Bill Maher It's always isn't it always that situation of the, you know, the whole class gets has to stay after because of one. And that's so true in life, too.

12:46 Adam Yeah, it is. Yeah, I always remember that from sports. It'd be like, all right, sit, hut. And then they go, Higgins dollar jumped off sides. You can all do a lap.

12:58 Caller Yeah.

12:59 Adam While you're doing the lap, you can thank Higgins dollar.

13:03 Caller Yeah.

13:03 Adam That was I said, I don't know what kind of strategy that was for a team to single out the fat kid and have all 30 of us try to beat on him at once.

13:10 Bill Maher Right.

13:11 Adam There seemed to be more of that going around back then.

13:14 Bill Maher Brilliantly captured in Varsity Blues. Anyway.

13:17 Drew But still, this whole thing has gotten out of control with the copycat phenomenon. It's kind of, there are a lot of messed up kids, a lot of angry kids, a lot of kids that try to commit suicide, do all sorts of aggressive act. Some of these kids would have been turning this stuff on themselves, had they not discovered this option. Unfortunately, I think the only way to get it stopped is to deal with it as terrorist activity. They really have to clamp down hard.

13:42 Bill Maher They do, but they also overreact with that zero-tolerance policy. But second graders who are doing nothing more than drawing a picture of a gun get suspended. That is silly. I've been screaming about the bullying thing because I don't know why people don't notice. They say, what's the pattern? Well, the pattern is the kid who does it is always the kid who gets picked on. He's always that frail kid, and you could just tell he's the one. They steal his lunch money, they knock him to the ground. Whatever they do, it's that kid. It's that kid. And if teachers would stop acting like prison guards who just look the other way and let the inmates fight it out amongst themselves, if they would just exert a little moral authority there and make it known that you're not allowed to do that to kids, maybe that kid wouldn't be in that state.

14:30 Drew We even wondered in this show what it is about humans that cause them to go after the weakest at their most needy time. And we are just awful.

14:37 Especially kids.

14:38 Drew That's what I'm saying. Young people, they just attack the weak, the sort of vulnerable.

14:43 Adam As adults, we have it. It just comes out when we're drunk. Hey fat ass!

14:49 Oh yeah, you buddy!

14:51 Caller Do you have another sandwich?

14:54 Have fun getting laid, huh Lardo?

14:56 Bill Maher But you're absolutely right. I've argued this point on the show and I have a bad reputation as someone who hates children. I certainly don't hate children. I like kids. I just don't want any of my own. And little, you know, when they're like infants, I have no use for somebody I can't actually speak with. But I've always maintained that I'm a better human being as an adult than I was as a child. Oh yeah. Because you don't come out with a sense of morality.

15:19 Drew That has to be instilled in you to be developed.

15:21 Bill Maher Kids are feral. What was the book with the kids on the island, Lord of the Flies?

15:27 Drew No, absolutely. There are six stages of moral development. There's no doubt about it. And most people only get through about three these days.

15:32 Bill Maher Really? What are they?

15:33 Drew A guy named Colberg developed this theory. It shows that with cognitive and emotional development, there's a moral development, too. The sixth stage is basically Aristotelian. You operate by principles regardless of the cultural or social milieu. Before that, I've got it in my car.

15:48 Bill Maher It's probably like recognition and then...

15:51 Drew It sort of goes to what's fair. And then it goes to golden rule, which is you would do one to others. And then it becomes sort of abiding by laws and sort of an understanding of being part of a citizen. And then it becomes sort of moral imperatives. And very few people ever think about principles outside of just sort of getting by and doing what's right for them or what's golden rule type right and wrong.

16:13 Adam Well, and think about... I've got two things to say and we'll go back to the phones. Think about the message that's sent through the media, which is, you know, it's your world. Exactly. Take it. Number two ain't going to work. This world is you, man. It's all about you. You're the man. You take what you can get. And if someone gets in your way, you push them out of the way. There's way too much entitlement going on.

16:34 Bill Maher I'm always screaming on my show about the fact that people do not have a sense of what a hero is or what selflessness is. You know, that race car driver, when he... Now, I'm nothing against this guy. But that Congress pastor, as I was saying, he was a role model. And I'm like, why is he a role model? Why is he a hero? What did he do? Why is Mark Maguire a hero? He does something out of his own self-interest. A hero has to, to me, include some sense of selflessness. Something you're doing for a greater good than just feathering your own nest. That's not heroic. People are like, I admire him so much. You know, he works out all the time. But what about that? He's doing it for himself. He wants to look good.

17:17 Adam Fine.

17:18 Bill Maher That's not wrong, but it's not heroic. It's not to be admired.

17:21 Adam He wants 20 million a year too. I mean, those are the fruits of him working out. You're damn right. I'd get to the gym if I was Mark Maguire or gay, because we know the gays love the new dudes.

17:33 Drew They get fruits also.

17:34 Adam Yeah. The other thing I think should be eliminated from schools is the drill team. People marching around throwing guns up in the air, twirling those wooden guns. Very dangerous message for the kids. I was saying that earlier in the week. Erica?

17:48 Yeah?

17:48 Adam You're 16?

17:49 Caller Yeah.

17:49 Adam What's up?

17:50 Caller Okay. So I got suspended for sexual harassment. And like, I just want you guys to explain to me why it's sexual harassment.

17:57 Drew What did you do?

17:58 Caller Okay. So I used to know this girl, right? And like she masturbated with the hot dog. Okay.

18:03 Drew Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You used to know this girl?

18:06 Caller Well, I know this girl.

18:08 Drew And you know for a fact that you saw her masturbate with a hot dog?

18:10 Caller Oh, I know. She told me herself. She told me that she did.

18:13 Drew Okay.

18:14 Caller Okay. Anyway, she we like used to be friends, you know? And then like she totally like started talking crap about me and like my friends and all that stuff.

18:23 Drew What did she say exactly?

18:24 Caller She just like totally like calling us sluts and you know, all that stuff.

18:28 Drew Okay.

18:29 Caller And then so like she totally like pushed my buttons and I went home one day and I like wrote a flyer about her like calling her hot dog whore and stuff like that. And like I made a hundred copies and I passed them around school. And so like we went like before even first period started, like the day I passed out those flyers, I like got called into the office. And I mean, we like had a talk with the principal and everything. And then like three weeks later, I get suspended for sexual harassment.

18:58 Drew Now we had a talk. I mean, you and the other girl.

19:00 Caller Yeah, me, the other girl and the principal.

19:02 Drew So at that point, they were holding you both sort of equally responsible for what was going on.

19:07 Adam How did they know you were the author of the hot dog whore manifesto?

19:11 Caller I guess like she figured like it was me and then like when I went in there, I admitted to it.

19:16 Adam Yeah. Chicks are horrible liars, by the way. You could crack them so easily.

19:22 Drew Do you have a history of other sorts of behavioral problems at school?

19:25 Caller No, no, no, no, not at all.

19:28 Well, all right.

19:29 Adam So then they they they suspended you three weeks later because of this incident.

19:35 Caller Yeah. And they say it's sexual harassment.

19:37 Bill Maher It is amazing the way everything nowadays has to be fit under some categorization, some societal rubric, sexual sexual harassment as if the rubric as if this, you know, I mean, whatever it is, it's not really sexual harassment. I mean, that used to have a specific meaning and it should have a specific meaning. Sexual harassment in the workplace is also if you leave your penthouse lying on your desk, right? Well, that's not really sexual harassment either. I mean, it might be rude.

20:05 Adam No, what's going on is there's, you know, we're so litigious, everyone's scared assless, so nobody takes any chances and all the fun is now taken out of society. Thank you.

20:17 Drew You know, if you work for a big corporation, I don't know if you work for ABC, do they make you sit down and watch those?

20:22 Bill Maher Yes.

20:23 Drew You had to watch the tapes for Infinity, for CBS.

20:25 Adam Let me tell you, no, I did not go.

20:28 Drew Drew, you shouldn't admit that.

20:30 Adam I don't give a kiss my ass.

20:31 Drew You'll be sitting down watching those tapes next week.

20:33 Adam Drew, what happened when they asked me to go watch a sexual harassment tape?

20:36 Drew I know I sat down and watched it.

20:37 Adam What did I do?

20:38 Bill Maher Really? You wouldn't go?

20:39 Drew You went home and jacked off and napped.

20:41 Adam That's right. Well, wait a minute, that could have been coincidence.

20:44 Bill Maher You know, I am, that is, I must say, something I'm very sympathetic to is sexual harassment in the workplace. I know, like every guy knows, that women go through a hell of a lot and it's better than it used to be. But that is one, I mean, I will call women, as you know, like on anything I know, I think that they're BSing about in any way or trying to have it both ways. But there they have a legitimate gripe. I mean, for years. Men have gotten away in the office with doing pretty much anything they want and it's harder for a woman to advance. I know, because I tried to, Sheila is my producer now, but I mean, it was a hard road to hoe to get her to that job. I mean, harder than it would have been if she's a man. I mean, it's just, that is institutionalized.

21:30 Adam Right.

21:31 Bill Maher That it is harder for a woman.

21:32 Adam But I think it detracts from those cases that are legitimate by calling everything sexual harassment. And I feel the same about rape, calling everything rape. You know, your husband of 10 years rolled over on you when he was drunk and that's rape. What about the chick who was held up at knife point at the park? Is it the same?

21:48 Bill Maher Exactly.

21:49 Adam I don't like that.

21:50 Bill Maher Right. There should be perhaps, you know, just as levels of murder. I mean, the date rape, is that the same? I mean, it's a awful crime. But did you ever see that John Stossel report from Brown University? It's just chilling what goes on on campuses. But at Brown University, rape was defined as having sex with the woman who was drunk.

22:13 Adam Right. That's a law out here, by the way.

22:15 Drew That's California law. That's a law in California.

22:18 Bill Maher That if you have sex with a woman who's drunk, it's considered rape?

22:21 Drew And as you know, yes, it's unlawful sexual intercourse. And you know that the definition-

22:26 Bill Maher I'm gonna go turn myself in, excuse me.

22:28 Drew Adam, listen, Adam, all of his foreplay is gone.

22:32 Adam Every single interlude I've ever had is-

22:36 Drew I mean, rape, yes. And our definition of intoxication is going down with drunk driving issues. So it's pretty wild.

22:43 Adam It's all right. Hey, Erica? Yeah.

22:46 Bill Maher Yeah, this has nothing to do with Oscar Maher.

22:48 Let's get back to-

22:50 Adam Sorry for- Listen, what's the big deal about suspension? You're not going anywhere but junior college anyway, right?

22:55 Bill Maher No, but you know, if I may interject here, and why not, you invited me onto the show. I would say, you know, we were talking about this last night at the Oscars because we were doing the Aaron Brockovich thing, which is, you know, Aaron Brockovich comes into that office and what happens to her? She's hated on by the other women. And I was saying that this is very typical. If a good looking woman in a sexy outfit walks into the office, the other women right away are going to start hating on her. Men are not like that. You know, another guy walks in, he's a good looking guy, so what, whatever. We don't immediately hate.

23:30 Adam No, guys are like, let's hang out with them. Maybe we can get some seconds.

23:33 Bill Maher Right, exactly. But I would say, you know, I mean, it's a shame to see it start so young. Women hating on each other. It's boring for us men, believe me, because it affects us too.

23:46 Drew Was she punished also?

23:48 Caller No, she wasn't.

23:49 Drew Okay, Eric, I just suspect some pieces of the story are missing, that whatever it was, it caused them to adjudicate the way they did. And you know, you appeal it if you want to appeal it. And I doubt that they really meant sexual harassment. They probably meant sort of sexual impropriety or being lewd or misconduct, these sorts of things. And indeed, a hundred, you know, explicit document about a person's sexual behavior is pretty, pretty accurate.

24:13 Adam Yeah, a couple of days suspension, no big deal. Happens to the best of us. Not you though, Drew. Drew, what high school did you go to again? Just to clear it up for Bill. The little Lord Fauntleroy School for Albino Hemophiliacs. There we go.

24:29 Drew He went to Cornell now. Relax.

24:30 Adam But Friday was casual day. They only had to wear one ass scott. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. Bill Maher is here and he's talking about Tom Katz and of course, Politically Incorrect. And we'll be back after this. It is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Bill Maher is our guest tonight. Bill can be seen on the big screen coming up this Friday on Tom Katz, and that's gonna be everywhere now. Also, of course, Politically Incorrect.

25:22 Bill Maher They are plugging the hell out of it.

25:24 Adam Yeah, I passed probably 20 billboards on the way here.

25:29 Bill Maher I mean, I'm not in this a lot. I'm the bad guy. It took me one day of work, and then they asked me if I would plug. I said, that's not my movie. I said, they gave me a list of things. I said, I'll do Dr. Drew and Adam's show. But it's not my movie. It's a bunch of... Yeah, this is the one thing I'm going to do. It's a bunch of, you know, 20-something hot, young actors in a funny romp, I hope.

25:57 Adam It's the Porkies of our generation. Hey, and by the way, if you ever go back, you know, you think of Porkies as this sort of, you know, light-hearted sexual coming-of-age romp. When you... If you watch that movie now, there's issues with abusive fathers and racism. There's one Jewish kid and it's like, hey, Jew boy. And there's this drunken dad who beats on his kid. And even... It's almost a scary movie.

26:27 Bill Maher Time Catch is better than Porkies.

26:29 Adam Oh, good.

26:29 Bill Maher It is. It really is. It's pretty funny.

26:31 Adam Then I'm there. Scott?

26:34 Caller Hey, how you doing?

26:35 Adam You're 24. What's up?

26:36 Caller Yeah, I'm 24. I'm in the medical profession. And basically, I have a patient that I basically have frequently because she's a COPD and stuff like that.

26:44 And her granddaughter is absolutely gorgeous.

26:48 Adam Yeah.

26:48 Caller It's been going on for like two months. Like, you know, we go there all the time, take the grandmother to the hospital and it's like flirting with the granddaughter.

26:55 It's like it's crazy. It's like...

26:57 Drew Wait, wait, wait, wait. First of all, what do you do?

26:59 I'm an EMT.

27:01 Yeah, Emergency Medical Technician.

27:02 Drew So the grandma's going in and out of the hospital.

27:04 Bill Maher How old is the daughter? The granddaughter?

27:06 Caller I think she's like 20.

27:07 She's definitely overage. She's not a GLB.

27:10 Drew So as far as the granddaughter is concerned, he's a fireman. He can't become any of Scrape's, say, grandma.

27:15 Adam He's got a patch on his sleeve and he rolls in the front door.

27:17 Bill Maher So what's the problem?

27:19 Caller I don't know if it's morally... I want to continue, like, you know, actually...

27:22 Drew What's your policy there?

27:23 Bill Maher How old are you?

27:24 Caller I'm 24.

27:25 Bill Maher How old?

27:26 Caller 24.

27:26 Bill Maher 24.

27:27 All right.

27:28 Drew Well, what's your policy at that time?

27:30 Well, I looked at the books like that. My partner is like giving me so much help for this, but, you know, I'm on the book.

27:36 Drew Because you don't have... She's not the patient and it would, you know, you should, if you do make some sort of connection with her, you should ask to be taken off the grandma's case in some fashion. I mean, you really need to be sort of diverted to have somebody else cover that one.

27:49 I mean, how do I do that? You know, like, you know...

27:51 Drew I don't know. That's your job. But why?

27:54 Bill Maher What's the big deal?

27:55 Drew Because you really... When you're doing medical care, you can't have what's called a dual relationship. You lose your objectivity. You don't do your job right. I like that very minimum, very minimum. Really?

28:04 Adam But what about a little incentive? You know what I mean? You want to impress a chick? Keep granny alive.

28:08 Drew Yeah, but he can go do that on his time.

28:11 Bill Maher I got it.

28:12 Drew It's like trying to take care of your kids or your wife.

28:14 Adam You know, Drew talks all the time about not mixing business with pleasure, not dating in the workplace and that kind of stuff. But I tell him work is basically school for adults. I mean, if you can date chicks in your high school, you should know the date chicks you work with.

28:29 Drew I've said that the people in authority in work shouldn't take advantage of the people that manage. And they do that, people like presidents shouldn't do that kind of crap.

28:39 Bill Maher No, they shouldn't. But that's not a good example.

28:43 Caller What's that? I wonder, is it a moral thing?

28:46 Drew Again, I think the issue is boundaries and how you conduct a relationship with a grandma.

28:50 Adam How much contact do you have with grandmas in EMT?

28:53 Bill Maher I mean, seriously, she's like a frequent flyer.

28:55 We get her at least twice a week. Oh, boy.

28:58 Adam She's going to be dead in 15 minutes anyway. Jump on that.

29:01 Bill Maher I mean, you got to be careful in life. But come on, isn't this being too careful?

29:06 Adam Yes, get with the granddaughter.

29:08 Bill Maher Yeah.

29:08 Adam And the grandma will kick off soon. You'll be there to pick up the pieces and there you go.

29:13 Drew But the connection has got to be made off work.

29:15 Off work.

29:17 Adam Off work.

29:17 Bill Maher Well, yeah.

29:18 Adam That's right.

29:18 Bill Maher Don't bang her on the gurney.

29:20 Adam No, no. Get her in a lunch break in the cafeteria. Is that all? Is that what you're talking about, Drew?

29:25 Drew Enjoy it.

29:25 Bill Maher Every kid should be so conscientious, right?

29:28 Drew Yeah, that's nice. No, that's nice that he's thinking it through.

29:30 Adam Nicole?

29:31 Hi, guys.

29:31 Adam You're 24?

29:33 Caller Hey.

29:33 Adam What's up?

29:34 Caller I have a question, Dr. Drew. Oh, by the way, Adam, I saw your show for the first time and I actually love The Wheel of Destiny.

29:41 Adam Oh, yes, the man show.

29:42 Caller I was waiting for the penis on the face, though.

29:43 Adam I was waiting for that, but unfortunately, well, the Wheel of Destiny is true. You know, as you know, I've urinated on people's wallets in The Wheel of Destiny and we've had all kinds of good times.

29:54 Caller One of my customers is doing your show. He was telling me about the wood chipper.

29:57 Bill Maher Oh, yeah.

29:58 Adam Don't give too much away. We got the brand new Wheel of Destiny coming up here.

30:04 Caller Looking forward to it.

30:05 Adam All right there.

30:06 Bill Maher I like it, but Adam's the king.

30:08 Caller My question is about ecstasy.

30:10 Drew If I were king, yes.

30:11 Caller I've done it once and I deeply regret it because it really screwed me up when I came down from it. What are the long-term effects from it? Because I have a friend that does it on a regular basis.

30:21 Drew Yeah, there's a guy named Alan Leshner at the National Institute of Drug Abuse, National Institute of Mental Health. It has a ton of PET scans up on the website for the NIDA. And you can show her the dark spots from brain cell death in the mood.

30:35 Caller Does he take that stuff from GNC that kind of replenishes?

30:37 Drew No, it doesn't replace anything because these cells are dead. And she will need to be on antidepressants her whole life probably because that's what happens to people that have significant amounts of brain cell loss in that area.

30:49 Adam Well, how much of it is she doing?

30:50 Caller I don't know from like, I went to a party about three weeks ago, she did a whole bunch of it there and the guys she was with, I mean they came down probably three, four days later.

30:57 Drew Yeah, it's gonna, she's gonna start having panic attacks, you're gonna start seeing her a lot of anxiety and eventually severely depressed.

31:04 Caller Because I know when I came down from it the first time, I mean, I'd never done even pot anything like that. Yeah, I was like totally want to slash my wrist. I don't know where it came from.

31:11 Drew All right. Now, how you felt?

31:12 Adam You're a lightweight.

31:13 Drew I mean, I understand. Yeah, but how Nicole felt the day after is how people that use a lot of this drug start feeling the rest of their life.

31:23 Caller The thing is, when I took it, I came like I was all happy and getting everything.

31:26 Drew I know, it must be wonderful. It must be wonderful. I wish we lived in a world where ecstasy didn't hurt you. I'd take it. I wish we lived in a world where threesomes were good for you. We'd do that. My wife and I would do that. It doesn't work.

31:36 Bill Maher You're right on both counts.

31:38 Caller I took a half for the first time, it lasted four hours.

31:41 Bill Maher There's nobody more liberal about drugs than myself. I was rooting like mad for traffic last night because I'm rooting for anything that will stop this insane drug war and the way we prosecute it and we'll hopefully turn this country around so that we treat drug abuse as a medical problem and not a criminal problem. But I agree, I mean drugs like ecstasy are bad drugs because you don't know what it is.

32:09 Drew It turns out that doesn't matter. The more pure the ecstasy, the more damaging.

32:13 Bill Maher Well I'm just saying when you get a drug from a dealer, you have no idea what's in it. I mean, Timothy Leary told me, what, years ago he said, you know, he said there's not ever, there's not been acid around for 20 years. He said what really is acid, what we did in the 60s, which, you know, at one point was legal and also was something that they used and they still want to use again now real acid to, for psychotherapy.

32:39 Drew No, no, no.

32:39 Bill Maher He said it's not, he said anything you.

32:41 Drew They don't want to use it. Oh yeah. No, no, no.

32:42 Bill Maher It was in the New York Times the other day.

32:45 Drew There are people who want, and, They also use actually, but believe me, the people that know about these drugs, they are so damaging. They really are.

32:53 Bill Maher I don't know about that. I don't know if pure lysergic, whatever that thing is, was so damaging. What I think is damaging and what is dangerous is that when you buy drugs from some guy who says, here, here's X-Z, he doesn't know what's in it. It's just a pill. It could be, it's a bunch of strychnine and speed and crap and God knows what else. And what a thing to do, to put into your body something that you have no idea what it is, sold to you by someone who's obviously unscrupulous because drug dealers are.

33:23 Adam Well, either way, whether it's pure or cut with a baby laxative, either way, it's doing some damage. And I guess that's the that's the point. And I agree drugs should be legalized all the way around across the board. But I don't like people that because they want to make an argument for legalization, say that pot's good for you and you know, as it doesn't hurt you. And you know, there there's that camp that basically says, I'm in that camp.

33:51 Bill Maher Hello.

33:51 Adam Smoke as much weed as you want. Well here's the thing.

33:53 Bill Maher I'm in the camp. Number one is that we have to stop going drugs as if they're all the same. Would you do that with with prescription drugs? Would you would you put, you know, one very heavy chemo therapy? I agree.

34:06 Adam I agree completely.

34:07 Bill Maher I mean, marijuana is a very different drug. It's barely a drug. It's a leaf. It's a flower. It grows in the ground. It's part of nature. That's real different than something. Some evil guy is making in a lab and cutting and pasting.

34:20 Drew Well, I mean, you can take a nibble of Amanita phylloides and you'll drop over dead. That's the nature in this nice beautiful little mushroom. But listen, nature creates all kinds of wonderful things.

34:29 Adam No, Bill, here's what I want to say, but don't get me wrong. I love the weed myself. I'm looking to score from Bill after the show. One perk of this gig is you get to head out to the parking lot with Be Real and get some weed from his car for the ride home. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

34:48 Bill Maher Be Real.

34:48 Drew I find that the Bobo just sucked it all down.

34:51 Adam You want some good weed? Ask Be Real.

34:54 Bill Maher That man show you did with Snoop?

34:56 Adam Yeah.

34:57 Bill Maher I remember he's done my show and boy, that hallway smells pretty good when he's there. But I was going to say, what must that have been like doing that show with Snoop? That must have been fun.

35:06 Adam I don't remember. We were so baked.

35:08 Bill Maher Really? I mean, it's like you walk into his house and he's got the bowl right there, right? With the Snoop.

35:14 Adam Snoop just smokes weed, you know, non-stop.

35:17 Bill Maher Yeah, that's too much.

35:18 Adam Yeah.

35:18 Bill Maher And that could hurt you.

35:20 Adam We thought we're going to do a bit with him and then about halfway into doing the bit, me and Jimmy just looked at each other and went, well, let's just get stoned and see where this thing goes. Yeah. We just got baked with him. But here's what I want to say about weed. I have no problem with weed and I have no problem with anything that adults want to do. Right.

35:37 Bill Maher Adults.

35:38 Adam But let's not kid ourselves. If you don't put down the bong from 14 to 18, you are going to be Absolutely. in a certain state of regression.

35:48 Bill Maher Well, Adam, I'm hardcore about what parents can do as far as stopping their kids from taking drugs because your kids and their drug problems are what is stopping adults from enjoying drugs the way we should be able to because we are adults in what should be a free society. Because that is the reason why my friend is in jail and lots of people are in jail because this country uses its citizens as cannon fodder in the war on drugs. And it says anything, anything is okay.

36:17 Drew That's how I'm taught.

36:18 Oh, right. Todd McFarland.

36:19 Drew McCormick.

36:20 Bill Maher McCormick, I mean. This country says anything is okay if it keeps drugs away from my kids.

36:26 Right.

36:26 Bill Maher And I say that's not okay.

36:29 Adam And let me ask you something.

36:30 Bill Maher Your kids are important, but so is fairness and freedom.

36:33 Adam Let me ask you something because it's something I've always been PO'd about with the whole drug thing, too, Bill. And I'd be interested in hearing your input on it. I had a friend recently who the neighbor, he lives in an apartment. He got an argument with one of his neighbors, nothing violent or anything. He's a nice guy. Just kind of an argument with him. Don is his name. I don't want to give him too much trouble, but he does warm up on the man show. Maybe he's screwed now. He's a sweetheart of a guy. Anyway, the deal is a big guy, but he's a nice guy. He got an argument with his neighbor, and he was sitting back in his apartment. The neighbors called the cops. The cops showed up because the neighbors called them. They walked into his apartment. They found a pot plant, and they busted the guy. They hauled him in. Now the guy's going through rehab. He's got a parole officer. He's getting his urine tested. And I'm thinking to myself, where are the gun nuts on this one? You know those gun nuts who talk about life and liberty and the pursuit of happiness? And if I want to own a gun, and I want to be responsible with it, and I want to use it to protect my property, I have the God-given right. Why don't I hear these bumpkins perking up when some cops walk into a guy's apartment, pull up some plants that he's grown, for Christ's sake, and now the guy's going through rehab. He doesn't even have a problem.

37:48 Bill Maher Exactly.

37:49 Adam Where are the gun nuts on this one? Why don't they pipe up? Where are those Republicans on this one?

37:54 Bill Maher You're absolutely right. And also, the argument that people make for guns would work perfectly and should work for drugs. Because the argument with guns is, look, we can never eliminate all of them, right? So let's just regulate it in a way that will make them safe. Well, why doesn't that work for drugs?

38:14 Adam And as a responsible tax-paying member of society, if I want to do something, like own a gun or bong and do it responsibly and not endanger anyone, I shouldn't have anything to fear from the government. And I want to know why. Now, that's a real right-wing, Republican, gun-toting thing. And those are the first guys who want, they want helicopters to land on your house. You've got a pot plant in your backyard. These people should be on our side.

38:41 Bill Maher I had a big problem with Robert Downey's bust, you know? I mean, what are the cops doing in Palm Springs? Somebody dropped a dime on them.

38:53 Drew Well, somebody really probably had to coerce them to go in and do that, I bet you.

38:57 Bill Maher Coerce them?

38:58 Drew I mean, push them. I mean, really.

39:00 Bill Maher Didn't sound like it to me.

39:01 Drew I would bet that they have other things. Maybe in Palm Springs they don't, but they would have to be like, hey, we're trying to help this guy, we want to take him back in. Please help us.

39:09 Bill Maher He's a famous guy in that country. If he's in a hotel room doing drugs, well, that's what he wants to do. I don't see how that is a threat to anybody else. I don't see how that is what this country was supposed to be.

39:22 Adam No, and listen.

39:23 Bill Maher The knock on the door. I mean, wasn't that the idea of Magna Carta, that we adopted that to this country, that the king's men can't come into your house. A man's home is his castle. That's what that meant. And if his castle is a hotel in Palm Springs, I mean, they're just...

39:40 Adam I couldn't agree more. And I wish someone would tell the cops, we want you to do what we tell you to do. That's what you do, not what you feel like doing.

39:50 Bill Maher Yeah, but it's not...

39:51 Adam The cops aren't the guy on the beat, but I mean the government. I couldn't agree more. Stop the things that are in danger to us and leave the guys who are endangering themselves alone. Because I don't care if someone blows his brain out.

40:03 Bill Maher Think of all the time that is taken in the criminal justice system for this guy with the pot plant in his living room. He's got a parole officer, you said, he's going to rehab. All this wasted man hours. The wasted lives. I mentioned my friend, he's in jail. I mean, he's a great kid. And he's wasting years in jail for no reason, no good reason.

40:24 Adam Alright, we're going to take ourselves a break. Bill Maher for president, everybody. Now we'll be back after this.

40:34 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready. Ready.

41:05 Adam Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. Bill Maher is our guest tonight. He's, you can find him in a smallish part in Tom Cat's coming up this Friday.

41:21 Bill Maher I'm the bad guy.

41:22 Adam The bad guy is the Office Creep.

41:24 Bill Maher This movie.

41:25 Adam He parlayed that Office Creep gig into a real career.

41:29 Bill Maher There would be no suspense in this movie without me. I'm the bad guy. He's scared because I'm going to get him. He better pay me back.

41:36 Adam That's right. You yell at him and call him by his last name.

41:40 Bill Maher I'm scared the hell out of him. I'm a big Vegas mobster guy. He owes me money and he better do something before then than the girls come in.

41:48 Adam Unless you can get me Shannon Elizabeth's panties in 48 hours.

41:55 Bill Maher In a world where Shannon Elizabeth's... Yeah, I forget, but I know it's funny and I'm the bad guy.

42:03 Adam I miss movies where people had a very limited amount of time to do something like smoking the bandit. I got a semi-load full of Coors and I got to get to Arkansas in 32 hours. They don't seem to have the time limit movies so much anymore. If they do, it's a bomb that's going to go off or something. But it used to just be good bets. Get me her panties, run the Coors. I miss those days.

42:30 Drew All those 70s conventions.

42:32 Adam Yeah, 70s conventions.

42:33 Bill Maher Well, everything with the 70s is coming back. We got an energy crisis. We got a dumb president.

42:40 Adam All those, yeah, and all the retro Coke movies and stuff are coming back. Uh-oh, Drew, this is your worst nightmare.

42:51 Drew 70s.

42:51 Adam 70s is coming back. Shane?

42:54 What up?

42:55 Adam You're 18. What's up?

42:57 Caller Nothing much. I have a question for Bill.

42:59 Bill Maher Yes, sir.

43:00 Caller Wow. You're like my favorite person in the world. Thank you.

43:04 Bill Maher I appreciate that.

43:05 Caller Yeah. I watch your show as much as I possibly can and try and tell everybody to watch as much as they can too because I think it teaches everybody a lot of stuff.

43:12 Bill Maher Good.

43:13 Caller And I kind of also want to tell you that I don't know what you're doing after you leave that show but I kind of want to take over if that's alright with you.

43:21 Adam Done and done.

43:23 Bill Maher That's a good ambition.

43:24 Caller Oh, it's one of my many.

43:27 Bill Maher Yeah. Well, I'm flattered by that.

43:32 Caller Well, no. What kind of tips do you got, though?

43:35 Bill Maher You mean you really want to get into broadcasting? Yeah. Well, gosh.

43:40 Drew Start radio.

43:42 Bill Maher Yeah. Radio actually is a good place to start. I mean, I don't know.

43:47 Adam For your show, I would think it is.

43:49 Bill Maher I'm so removed from the way I started over 20 years ago as a comedian working at the comedy barrel in Cleveland and the comedy hoo-has. It's kind of interesting.

44:01 Drew Let's look at the three of us and the different paths. Nobody studied broadcasting. Nobody studied communications. Everybody studied discipline and found their way into media as a way of practicing or applying that discipline.

44:16 Bill Maher I'm always hesitant to give advice based on the past because one thing about show business careers is that they are all unique. It's all a snowflake in this business. I never heard two that actually went off the same way. So, whatever I would tell you probably wouldn't apply to you if it applied to me.

44:35 Adam But less plotting and more doing, Shane, I think would be the answer.

44:40 Drew Is there any common quality you see among people?

44:44 Bill Maher I think just a strong desire. Like any business that's highly competitive, the ones who are not really, really, really after it are going to lose out because there are always going to be those people. I mean, Julia Roberts is a terrific actress, but there's lots of terrific actresses. Why is she where she is? Because she's got tenacity. She wanted it a lot. Lots of people can sing like Diana Ross, but she wanted it more. I think that's a lot of it. Your sanity also is your edge in this business because there's so many crazy people.

45:20 Adam Oh, having sanity. Being nutty helps, too, sometimes.

45:25 Drew It just seems to.

45:26 Bill Maher You've got to be an amazing talent to carry the burden of insanity. And some are.

45:31 Adam Speaking of that, Andy Dick is coming up next week, everybody.

45:35 Bill Maher Seriously?

45:35 Adam Yes.

45:36 Drew Carrying the burden of insanity.

45:38 Adam Yes, a man who carries the burden of insanity very well. Michelle?

45:45 Bill Maher Yes.

45:46 Adam Year 16. What's up?

45:48 Caller Hi.

45:49 Caller I'm sexually active and I just recently discovered I have a couple of dark spots, like really small ones, right inside my labia and I was scared.

45:57 Caller Like I don't know if they were there before.

46:00 Drew Dark like just some pigment?

46:01 Caller Huh?

46:02 Drew Like pigment?

46:03 Caller Yeah, but they're darker.

46:04 Drew Like have you ever looked inside a dog's mouth? See how sometimes they're pink and red? Is it that kind of pigment?

46:10 Caller Yeah.

46:11 Adam Hold on a second. Is it, you know, now you call it a labia and then there's a labia and I've heard people say labia.

46:18 Drew Labia.

46:18 Adam And then there's...

46:19 Drew Just then your grandma's gonna say it...

46:21 Adam .clitoris and my grandmother yelled at me because we said clitoris and she said it was clitoris.

46:26 Bill Maher Let's call the whole thing off.

46:28 Adam The point is, why, it seems there's a lot of mispronunciations centered around the vagina. People uncomfortable with that?

46:36 Drew Yeah, you want to correct that in the real world. You wouldn't correct her. You just let that word go.

46:40 Bill Maher This poor girl is waiting for me.

46:42 Drew We got a minute teller. I don't think it's any of the mis- are you dark skinned?

46:46 Caller No, not really.

46:48 Caller I'm Italian, like I'm kind of not really dark skinned, but like all of the skin.

46:52 Drew Yeah, because people with darker pigments, sometimes if there's any irritation, the pigment will become darker or lighter. It sort of varies.

46:58 Caller Well, I've never noticed it before.

46:59 Drew But you said you are sexually active?

47:01 Yeah.

47:02 Drew There are not sexually transmitted diseases that cause pigment in the labia. And you should be getting pelvic exams regularly anyway if you're sexually active. Right. So it's time to get that, just to get things looked at, to put your mind at ease and then do the proper screening. Because the real issue is your risk for cervical cancer and pregnancy. And that can be taken care of on a supervision of a health care provider.

47:24 Adam Okay? I'm a layman, Drew, but might it fall off?

47:28 Drew The dark spot or the labia?

47:30 Adam The entire thing.

47:30 Drew The entire vagina would just drop out?

47:32 Yeah.

47:33 Drew Yeah. That happens frequently. Sort of like an engine falling out or something.

47:36 Yeah.

47:37 Caller Yeah.

47:38 Bill Maher I remember once on tour Barry Manilow come down with vaginitis and it was just awful.

47:47 Drew That being said.

47:48 Adam Bill Maher is our guest. So Bill, were you just going to stay for the first hour?

47:51 Bill Maher I have to get home, Adam. I have my own show to prepare for tomorrow. Right.

47:59 Adam That's right. After 18 years, he has no idea what to expect tomorrow.

48:04 Bill Maher All right. Well, I want to thank you. And I thank you for this Man Show T-shirt.

48:07 Adam And I want to thank you. And I think I'm going to see you on your show in the next week or so.

48:15 Bill Maher No, we were trying to get you for the teen week because there's no one teens look. And you too, I saw on the board today. Dr. Drew, it was you guys, you know, you're family with us there at TI., so.

48:27 Adam Well, thank you. And we'll see you as soon as we can and work it out. Bill Maher, everybody, Tom Katz, and we'll see you soon, Bill.

48:35 Bill Maher Okay.

48:36 Caller Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

48:39 Uh, back in a minute.

49:18 Adam Loveline, I'm Adam. That is Drew over there. I want to thank Bill Maher for coming in here and hanging with us for the first hour. Tom Katz is the movie, and of course, PI., Politically Incorrect, Monday through Friday on ABC at 1205, by the way, not at 12.

49:34 Drew You know, he said that we were up there because they just like us on the show, but they did do us the, I don't know, the good service of... they actually had us on their billboard in Times Square. Oh, I had no idea. Which is bizarre.

49:48 Adam Doing what?

49:49 Drew They had, you know how, where that Nasdaq sign is? That huge Nasdaq sign. In the middle of it, there's a screen.

49:54 Adam Yeah.

49:55 Drew One of those giant, giant, giant screens. And they were, they have advertisements every once in a while for ABC, and they're like, Dr. Drew Care Show, and they have PI. And they have Bill standing there talking, and then they show clips of the show. We were, you and me, and Jimmy, and those were the clips.

50:10 Adam Really?

50:11 Drew Yeah.

50:11 Adam Wow, that's nice.

50:13 Drew Those were bizarre. I'm standing in front of the screen going, what the? It was bizarre.

50:17 Adam True. He didn't say the F word.

50:19 Drew No, I didn't.

50:19 I mean, he said, what the? That's nice.

50:25 Adam You know, one misconception I always had about B slash C celebrity, I figured if that kind of stuff happened, that people would tell me, as it turns out. I never hear from anybody. Maybe they don't care, they don't see it, or they don't care to tell me, or all the above. Jake, you're 27, what's up?

50:46 Caller All right. You know, you guys always make the connection between a gay son and his controlling mother.

50:52 Drew Adam does that.

50:53 Adam Yes, so does Drew.

50:55 Caller What would you say is behind the mother? Why is she so unhealthily controlling as to turn her own son gay, as you would say?

51:05 Adam Why is she so domineering?

51:07 Drew That's a great question.

51:08 Adam I don't know what turns women domineering that way.

51:12 Drew Do you think it's intrusiveness or domineering? Is it a masculinity? What is it?

51:17 Adam I would say both.

51:18 Drew So it's intrusiveness, controlling?

51:21 Adam Yeah, it is basically a lot of the qualities that go along with Jewish mothers. Although they don't seem to turn their sons gay, although they probably want to go gay. They're just so freaked out by their mom and by Nana and Papa who passed away and what would they think if they knew?

51:37 Drew So that would be sort of intrusive, angry, controlling. But do you think it's a fear of the masculine? Need to control that or suppress that?

51:49 Adam That got those mothers where they are? Yeah. I don't know, I mean, let's think of the opposite.

51:56 Drew Well, let's think of the women that we talked to that were sexually abused. You would think they would be sort of angry and hostile about men.

52:02 Adam Yeah, that doesn't seem to fit that one.

52:06 Caller She was married to a pretty...

52:10 Caller The guy never spoke.

52:12 Caller My grandfather almost never spoke.

52:15 Adam Right, and so she sort of wore the pants in the family. This is your mother.

52:21 No, it's my stepfather's parents.

52:24 Adam I see. Your stepfather's gay?

52:26 Yeah.

52:27 Wow.

52:28 Adam Well, man, why are you sifting through that wreckage?

52:33 Drew Why did he become your stepfather if he's gay?

52:35 Well, we didn't...

52:36 Caller I mean, we didn't find out until like a year or two ago.

52:39 Drew He didn't know? He wasn't really in touch with it?

52:42 Caller You know, I really don't know.

52:44 Adam Well, let me clarify this, too. Only a certain percentage of society is turned gay. There's a certain amount that comes out of the womb gay.

52:54 Caller Right. Oh, yeah. I know that.

52:55 Adam You know what I'm saying? So, who the hell knows exactly? But it's interesting. The interesting question is, is what makes a woman domineering that way? I think part of it is in intelligence. I mean, higher IQ women seem to be more authoritative and maybe a little more demanding and maybe a little more like some high IQ men. Less is acceptable.

53:21 Drew I would still think...

53:22 Adam You know what I mean?

53:22 Drew I still think it was pretty like high anxiety or deprived childhoods, I would think.

53:27 Adam That did it. Yeah. Cody?

53:31 Yeah.

53:32 Adam You're 14?

53:33 Caller Yeah.

53:33 Adam What's up?

53:35 Caller About two days ago.

53:37 Caller Yeah, it was two days ago. I was at my friend's house and we started drinking a little bit, having fun. And it was me, my girlfriend and my friend. And we started having a threesome. And me and my friend, which is another guy, I hooked up during the threesome. And I don't know if I just thought it felt good or if I like guys or what.

53:59 Drew Were you completely drunk?

54:02 Caller No, not totally.

54:03 Drew Not totally drunk.

54:04 Caller I knew what I was doing.

54:06 Adam Had you ever thought about him that way?

54:09 Caller No.

54:09 Drew Have you ever had any previous experiences with a male?

54:12 Caller No.

54:12 Adam You never thought about guys?

54:15 Caller No, I've had like weird dreams and stuff, you know.

54:17 Drew What's going on at 14, you're already sort of way down the road of life?

54:22 Caller I don't know, you guys might want to gamble on me.

54:24 Drew Yeah, that's kind of what I would figure. Was it with a male?

54:29 Caller What was it with a male?

54:29 Drew That you were sort of sexually handled or whatever happened to you?

54:34 Caller No.

54:34 Drew What happened?

54:37 Caller I don't really know. My parents got divorced when I was really young. I don't know, I don't exactly remember.

54:45 Drew So you don't remember your childhood?

54:46 Caller No, not really.

54:47 Drew What was the predominant theme? A bunch of step, you know, boyfriends coming through?

54:53 Caller Yeah.

54:53 Drew A lot of drug and alcohol use?

54:56 Caller Not drugs, just alcohol.

54:57 Caller Okay.

54:58 Adam All right, so you want to know now what this means?

55:02 Drew It doesn't mean anything.

55:03 Caller I mean, is it just good times or?

55:05 Drew No.

55:06 Adam It's not for your ass. It's not, no, it's bad times for your ass.

55:10 Drew This is all about alcoholism to me at this point.

55:13 Adam No.

55:13 Drew Yes. No, no, not that he was so loaded. He didn't know what's going on. But this is surviving alcoholic family system. This is being an alcoholic yourself. This is really, there's a lot going on here. A ton of stuff.

55:24 Adam Yeah. Drew, you remember the good old days when you'd get loaded and something would happen?

55:28 Drew Yeah.

55:29 Adam You know what I mean? Like the first hundred times I got drunk, something happened. There was some sex. There was a fight. There was a car chase. Well, hey Drew. Something.

55:38 Drew Yeah.

55:40 Caller I also have another question. I was wondering, this might be stupid, but I was wondering if you can get a girl pregnant without actually penetrating her.

55:48 Caller Yeah.

55:49 Drew But it's obviously fairly unlikely. Maybe you have something on your hands or something.

55:53 Caller Yeah.

55:54 Drew That could happen.

55:55 Adam Was it, whose semen? His or yours?

55:57 Caller Mine.

55:58 Adam Good times.

55:59 Drew She, when did this happen? Two days ago?

56:01 Caller Yeah.

56:01 Drew So she still can take the morning after pill until tomorrow.

56:03 Adam What'd you have? You had a handful of semen and then you put it in there?

56:08 Caller No. I was just kind of banging around.

56:09 Drew Makes the medicine go down.

56:12 Adam A handful of semen.

56:14 Caller How do I get the poo?

56:16 Drew Plan Parenthood. Is there a Plan Parenthood locally near you?

56:19 Adam It's in LA.

56:20 Drew Oh yeah. Call Plan Parenthood.

56:22 Adam Hey, Cody. Yeah. Don't examine your encounter with the guys so much right now. Just examine your life overall.

56:31 Drew Right. That's the big issue is that the emotionally, there's a ton going on. You're out of control. You're starting to use drugs and alcohol. You're sexually sort of way over your head at 14. You don't know. You're fully understand your identity. Even yet you're not brain isn't developed enough even to handle these acts. These acts you're engaging in. Right. It's not there yet. And you don't know what the hell you're doing. You need some help. If I suspect just some sort of professional intervention would be useful if you had motivated to go to Alateen AA and that sort of thing would help too.

57:03 Adam Elizabeth.

57:04 Caller Hi.

57:04 Adam Hey, you're 19. What's up?

57:06 Caller Oh, this is such an honor to talk to you and Dr. Drew. I really respect your opinion.

57:10 Caller Thank you.

57:12 Caller When I was 15, I was sexually assaulted and didn't tell anybody for almost two years. And during that time, I had been using drugs. And one of them, the drugs I was using was LSD. And I know how dangerous it is now. And I'm wondering, I have a lot of concentration problems and I'm blocking out stimulants like around me as far as noise. And I'm wondering if that caused it, if taking LSD caused it.

57:43 Drew What are the drugs we're doing? What are the drugs did you do during those two years?

57:48 Caller I smoked pot and a lot. It was very frequently that I did, but I am 19 now and I drank occasionally.

57:56 Drew So it was daily pot and how much acid?

58:00 Caller I think in that two year period I took maybe eight hits of acid.

58:04 Drew Were they any time sort of big doses?

58:07 Caller Yes. I took four at one time.

58:11 Drew That's kind of how you hurt yourself with big doses.

58:13 Adam What's everybody? Help me explain. I mean, help explain it to me. You do a tab of acid. You're freaked out for the day. What's four going to do you?

58:23 Caller Right. I don't want when I took it the first time, it was it didn't do anything actually for two times. I took it.

58:29 Caller And then when I did it, it made me really happy and it was just, you know, I thought, okay, so the more I take it's going to be even better.

58:37 Caller And it wasn't because I was in a really bad place.

58:40 Caller Are we even happy?

58:40 Adam Well, yeah. And you have a sort of what I'd like to call a the F'ed up sealant. You can only go, you know what I mean? I mean, like if you let's just talk about booze for a second, you can have yourself six or eight beers and be jacked up and you can drink another six or eight beers. You're not going to be more F'ed up. You're just going to be vomiting and pass out. You know what I mean? I mean, it took me many years to figure that math out, by the way, very nice. But, you know, to all you people that are completely loaded and still doing shots or, you know, high as a kite on acid and doing another tab or flying on X and doing another pill, why bother? You're just throwing money out the window at that point. And what happened with the sexual assault?

59:26 Caller All right. When I, I don't, I've listened to your show and I think that I came from very controlling parents and that I wasn't able to put myself in high enough regard to stay, you know, to set my own boundaries.

59:39 Caller To very much say no.

59:41 Drew Have you had some treatments since then?

59:42 Caller Yes, I have.

59:42 Drew Yeah, I was going to say, if listening to our show gave you all that, I'm very impressed.

59:48 Adam No way.

59:48 Caller I did group counseling and I found that I could relate to other people and that it wasn't just me.

59:53 Drew Of course.

59:54 Adam All right, so.

59:55 Caller I don't know what to do now though. I have all these concentration problems and I want to go to school.

1:00:00 Drew Well, memory difficulty, concentration problems, mood instability, that would all be common from this. You might want to see a psychiatrist who's used to dealing with drugs and alcohol because they're not sure our medication will help with this. Whatever happens, do not let them put you on stimulants.

1:00:16 There you go.

1:00:16 Drew Ritalin, Ritalin, that kind of thing.

1:00:18 Adam Craig?

1:00:20 Oh yeah, hi.

1:00:20 Adam You're 18?

1:00:22 Caller Oh yeah, first I want to say Adam and Drew, you're great. I really appreciate you taking my call and I listen to your show every day and it's the highlight of my day and I just really think it's great.

1:00:30 Drew Thanks.

1:00:32 Caller My question is this. I am a virgin and I had heard that Kegel exercises and all these other sort of the fads or whatever can help you prolong ejaculation and I'm going to be going off to college next year and hopefully within those four years I'm going to lose my virginity.

1:00:48 Drew But he wants to be ready. Yeah. Unless that ejaculation comes in.

1:00:53 Adam Yeah. He's treating sex like it's the Olympics, you know. Every four years it comes around and it all boils down to that one lose ride that's only a half mile long and it's a make or break.

1:01:03 Caller I just know there's usually problems out of the gate and that's kind of the embarrassing because I have had like no sexual experience.

1:01:09 Adam I see.

1:01:10 Caller I just want to re-advantage.

1:01:11 Adam So you want to put it off. Well, you've been putting it off for 18 years. Oh, really?

1:01:15 Caller Yeah, Cagle's. It's not that I haven't had a chance.

1:01:17 Adam No, I know. Every virgin guy says that.

1:01:20 Caller Cagle's for something.

1:01:21 Adam Like that's what's, by the way, like that's what's earning you some respect. Yeah, I could have got laid when I was 16, but I didn't.

1:01:27 Caller No, no, no. To make a long story short, this girl in 8th grade sounded like one of your usual colleagues.

1:01:32 Bill Maher All right, all right.

1:01:34 Adam We believe you. Now, listen, don't here. Here's my problem with the Kegel.

1:01:39 Caller Don't overanalyze. You better tell me, right?

1:01:42 Adam I'm saying that sex should be a, and the thing that people enjoy, one of the things people enjoy about sex is is sort of freed, free aspect of it, that they're not thinking about anything else, that their worries and all those inhibitions and everything, they're just gone. They're just in the moment. It's a visceral thing. It's a thing that attracts people to drugs, quite honestly, and if you're worried about checking the clock and anus palpitations and timing and things, your training, I just think there's going to be too much going into it.

1:02:22 Caller I agree.

1:02:22 Drew Your partner's not going to have fun and you're going to have difficulties.

1:02:25 Adam You're a normal, healthy guy. Find someone you dig and learn together.

1:02:31 Caller Yeah, I was just wondering, because I know you guys obviously have had sex by now, but if looking back, is there anything, any advice you could offer?

1:02:39 Adam No, you know, I don't think, I don't think there is, because there's a certain, I mean, I can, I can equate it to boxing, which is, I remember getting in the ring for the first time, and there's really no amount of stuff you can do in the gym that prepares you for being in the ring. It can help, but there's nothing like being in the ring for...

1:03:04 Drew Time in the ring, yeah.

1:03:05 Adam It's like battle, battle... Like airplane pilots.

1:03:10 Drew No, it's like being a physician too. We do all kinds of stuff, but then you go out there and you do it, first you do it without a supervision, then you're doing it.

1:03:16 Adam Yeah, I mean, there's a certain amount of skipping rope and hitting a heavy bag and a certain amount of looking at anatomy books and taking tests and whatever analogy you want to use. But eventually you got to log hours in the wheelbarrow position, is what I'm saying.

1:03:34 Drew That's what I figured.

1:03:34 Adam And sex is that, and here's what you got to do with sex. You want to be good at it, you got to get to it. Find yourself a plane to fly or a patient to operate on or a sparring partner to beat on and just get busy and start logging those hours. You can't work it all out in advance. Sure, it's good to be in reasonable shape and all that kind of stuff so you don't cramp on yourself. But other than that...

1:03:59 Drew Speaking of cramping yourself, take this call.

1:04:02 Adam Oh really?

1:04:02 Caller Rob?

1:04:04 Drew Rob?

1:04:06 Adam Caller, who goes by the name of Rob, who's 17.

1:04:11 Caller Hello?

1:04:11 Drew Oh, okay, maybe it's not Rob. What's going on?

1:04:14 Caller Oh, hi.

1:04:15 Caller I just want to say I like your show.

1:04:16 Caller I listen to it a lot.

1:04:17 Adam What's your name?

1:04:18 Caller Jennifer.

1:04:18 Drew Okay.

1:04:19 Adam Oh, there you go.

1:04:20 Drew What's up, Jennifer?

1:04:21 Caller Okay.

1:04:22 Caller Well, I've been going out with a guy for on and off for a little four months and I met him over a phone chat service. So I just recently actually met him face to face. And I have a lot of other friends that go to the same school as him, but he lives about 40 miles away from me. So I don't get to see him often. And they're all telling me that he's been cheating on me. And I guess the girls or girl he's been cheating on me with a couple of times, left a hickey. And I just saw him this last weekend and I confronted him on it. And one of his best friends and also my friend who's a girl was his, he told me that she bit him.

1:05:01 Drew And what's your question?

1:05:03 Caller Well, I'm trying, he's like plays head games and he won't let me break up with him. He kind of like.

1:05:09 Drew What do you mean, why would you break up?

1:05:11 Caller He, when I got back together with him, he made me promise to not break up with him.

1:05:15 Drew What does that mean? You're how old?

1:05:18 Adam I should have tried that.

1:05:19 Caller I'm 14, almost 16.

1:05:21 Drew How old is he?

1:05:22 Caller He's 16.

1:05:22 Drew No, I said the idiot.

1:05:23 Caller And I really like him a lot.

1:05:25 Drew Oh no, don't.

1:05:26 Caller Supposedly he has got me.

1:05:27 Adam Sure, what's not to like? He sounds like a dynamite individual.

1:05:32 Drew Why aren't you worth being treated more appropriately?

1:05:36 Caller And he really, supposedly he's brought me jewelry and I've only known him physically for a week and he's given me like.

1:05:45 Drew What do you mean physically?

1:05:46 Caller Diamond necklaces and he's, he, he.

1:05:48 Drew How does a 16 year old afford diamond necklaces?

1:05:51 Caller I don't know.

1:05:52 Adam Well, he's either pimping or selling drugs.

1:05:55 Caller Yeah. And he, he as well has a child from a previous.

1:06:00 Caller No, wait, you're 16.

1:06:04 Adam What are you, the Hatfields and the McCoys? What's going on with you, bumpkin?

1:06:09 Caller Well, what's wrong?

1:06:10 Adam You're 14, baby. He's giving you costume jewelry and wanting you to sign documents that basically having you agree to never break up with him.

1:06:23 Drew He's trying to make you a prostitute.

1:06:24 Adam He lives 40 miles away.

1:06:26 Drew It really sounds like he's trying to. He's going to try to be her pimp or something.

1:06:30 Caller But the doesn't it sound like that?

1:06:31 Adam Yeah, it kind of does.

1:06:33 Drew It really does. You got to get away from this, Jennifer. You got to get away from this.

1:06:37 Adam Hey, Jennifer, you got to get away from this.

1:06:40 Drew Whether or not it's turning her into a prostitute or not, this is bad.

1:06:44 Caller That's the strangest thing.

1:06:46 Adam Anytime you accept jewelry ladies, you're a prostitute. Keep that in mind.

1:06:51 Caller But also, he recently just saw his ex-girlfriend with the child today and they slept together. He asked him the question, who do you love more, your current girlfriend or your son?

1:07:04 Caller And he chose me.

1:07:06 Caller And when I talked to him earlier on the phone...

1:07:08 Adam What did you do? See a videotape of the confrontation?

1:07:10 Drew This guy is BSing you.

1:07:12 Caller She called me and she was crying and she's like, I hope you feel better because my child is never going to see his father again because he loves you.

1:07:23 Adam Remember those words because you'll be making that phone call one day soon too to his next victim. Or your home with your kid.

1:07:31 Caller Okay.

1:07:32 Adam Listen, screwball, I don't know what's going on with you. You're meeting guys over the chat lines. You're hooking up with dudes that are 40 miles out of town that go to another school. This guy is cheating on you. He's got hickeys. He's got a kid. He's 16. This guy is going to be in jail in another six months.

1:07:49 Caller He's already going to be in juvenile hall for all this summer.

1:07:52 Caller For what?

1:07:53 Caller He won't tell me.

1:07:54 Drew Oh, for God's sake, Jennifer, please. Baby, just stop.

1:07:58 Adam What do you do? What do you hate your dad that much?

1:08:00 Drew Has somebody been beating you up at home or something?

1:08:02 Caller No, I have an alcoholic father.

1:08:04 Drew Okay, go to Alateen. Go to Alateen. This is not the way to solve the problem of the pain you're feeling from your home front. This is going to send you down a path of total destruction. You remember these words. I guarantee it.

1:08:18 Adam And let me reiterate that by saying this. Just because it feels like it's what you should do does not mean it's the right thing to do. It means your feelings are screwed up. Do you understand that concept? Your alcoholic dad screwed up your feelings. And now you feel like you should be with somebody that if you were normal and your dad wasn't an alcoholic and you hadn't suffered the abuse that you suffered, you would not feel that way. You'd be repulsed by this guy. You couldn't get to the other side of the street fast enough when he came walking down it.

1:08:55 Drew There you go.

1:08:56 Adam So your feelings aren't normal. It's almost like it's like when you're freaking out on acid and you think you think your dog's talking to you. It doesn't mean your dog's talking to you. It means you're high.

1:09:10 Drew Right. Same thing.

1:09:11 Adam All right. Alateen, do you hear me?

1:09:13 Caller Okay.

1:09:14 Adam Stay away from this joker.

1:09:15 Drew Okay.

1:09:16 Caller Thank you.

1:09:16 Adam All right. I wish someone. I wish I would like to really just clean up the streets by putting bullets in guys like that. I really do. They're just out populating and tying up the court system. Really, aren't they? I know there's somebody's daughter, somebody's son and all that. But listen, whose son and listen, those people don't deserve anything. We're going to take a break.

1:09:41 Caller Just wanted to.

1:09:43 Adam Oh, Rob. Oh, this is Rob.

1:09:45 Drew Yeah.

1:09:45 Adam This is a girlfriend has multiple orgasm and then poops after a while. Well, we'll get to the bottom of her bottom.

1:09:53 Drew I beg your pardon.

1:09:54 Adam After this.

1:09:58 Caller Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:10:12 Bill Maher You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio.

1:10:16 Caller 100.7 The Buzz.

1:10:28 Caller Hi, this is Rodney Dangerfield.

1:10:30 Bill Maher I'll tell you the guys here at Loveline are the greatest.

1:10:32 Caller They're the best, the best in the whole world.

1:10:34 Caller Now, will you please untie me?

1:10:37 Adam There you go. Rodney Dangerfield, one of the nicest guys in showbiz. Ask anybody. He is a jewel, that guy. Oh, yes. Anyone who's ever met him will tell you that. Hey, it's Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. When we left off, we were going to talk to Rob, who's 17.

1:11:00 Caller Hey, Dr. Drew, Adam, I think you guys' shows are cool. I watch the Man Show all the time, and it's my first time calling.

1:11:09 Bill Maher Thank you.

1:11:11 Caller Me and my girlfriend are really sexual. You know, we're like, we do a lot of stuff, and like, she, after orgasm, she has, like, orgasms back to back, and like, after orgasm, she just poops. She says she didn't know what happened, she couldn't control it. I want to know, is that normal?

1:11:27 Drew So, just one time this happened?

1:11:29 Caller Three times.

1:11:29 Drew Three times this has happened.

1:11:30 Caller Oh.

1:11:32 Drew Well, I mean.

1:11:32 Adam How old is she?

1:11:33 Caller She's 16.

1:11:34 Adam Yeah. It's bad times when you've lost control of the Bombay door at that age. Do you know what I'm saying, Drew? Yeah. Because, let me tell you, you're cramping during orgasm at 16, you sneeze and something's flying out at 30, and at 40, the wind blows and you got cramp coming out of you. By 50, by 50, you're just leaving a trail out to the car in the morning. And by 80, you're actually bathing in a huge tank of your own fecal matter. You've carved yourself a fecal igloo. You understand, Drew?

1:12:13 Caller I want to know if there's anything wrong with her.

1:12:16 Drew No, she's dating somebody who smokes a little pot.

1:12:20 Adam Rob, you smoke your fair share of the weed, do you?

1:12:23 Caller Um, she doesn't smoke. I don't smoke either.

1:12:26 Caller No, Rob.

1:12:27 Adam Rob, you got to smoke some weed.

1:12:29 Caller I don't smoke at all.

1:12:30 Drew You're not cool?

1:12:31 Caller Huh? I'm on the wrestling team, track team.

1:12:34 Adam Alright, alright buddy. So, let me ask you this question. Does she have, has she had some kind of diarrhea or something? She had some stomach flu or illness, something that would make it easier.

1:12:48 Drew These guys are just so active that she's...

1:12:50 Adam Well, I'm just saying that we can all, we're all capable of this if under the right conditions. We got hold of, you know, a bologna sandwich that turned and anyone's capable of squeezing a little something out.

1:13:05 Caller I doubt it, because it happened three times and it was like, nothing was wrong with her stomach. She was down with it and it was like, okay, it was like six times, six times she had an orgasm.

1:13:14 Drew And her sixth orgasm.

1:13:16 Caller Yes, we were up there for a while and all of a sudden, I was like patting, you know, back there grabbing it. And all of a sudden it was like all over my hands. And I went, you know, it couldn't be this much. It couldn't be this wet. And then all of a sudden looked at my hands and there it all was.

1:13:31 Adam But there was in a kind of a liquidy form, right?

1:13:34 Caller Yeah.

1:13:34 Caller Yeah. But once it was thick and it didn't come out all the way.

1:13:38 Adam Oh, it's just crowning a little bit, as the doctors say.

1:13:45 Caller Yeah.

1:13:45 Caller Bad times.

1:13:46 Caller She doesn't feel it at all. She said she don't know what happened. All right.

1:13:49 Drew You got to go a little easier on her.

1:13:50 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Stop at five and a half. Well, I mean, some women and God bless them. I have only met a few in my life when they have an orgasm. It's I don't care if we're in the back of the goddamn Pope mobile. I'm having an orgasm and I don't care if you hold a bullhorn in my face and my dead grandparents are sitting in the room. I'm going off and they can just lose control and just go off. And when you don't care, you don't care. I mean, it's almost like when people have a seizure, that happens oftentimes, right? That's true. And this is, you know, by the time you're getting to the sixth orgasm, you're in seizure territory. Let me just tell you something, Rob. Life is going to all be downhill after this chick. You know he's going to meet another chick and he's not going to be able to give him an orgasm and he's going to go nuts.

1:14:51 Caller Right?

1:14:52 Adam He's going to get the big vibrator out. He's going to be going insane. Eventually, she'll start faking because she's tired of being, you know, worked on like a pitcher's mound. But I mean, at least that's what I hope happens for her, if there's any justice at all.

1:15:08 Caller All right.

1:15:09 So she's okay.

1:15:10 Adam Should she get worked up?

1:15:11 Caller No, she's fine.

1:15:13 Adam Rachel?

1:15:14 Caller Yeah.

1:15:15 Adam You're 23. What's up?

1:15:17 Caller Okay. My boyfriend, actually my fiance, he's had this view of, well, just recently he started telling me that I can have sex with as many women as I want, anytime I want without telling him.

1:15:34 Adam Good times.

1:15:35 Caller Yeah.

1:15:36 Caller But it's just kind of peculiar how, you know, he tells me, you know, you don't even have to tell me about it.

1:15:41 Drew How long have you been engaged?

1:15:43 Caller Well, about two and a half years now.

1:15:45 Drew Why such a long engagement?

1:15:48 Caller Good question.

1:15:51 Caller I don't know. I mean, I figured, well, we're kind of low income, so, you know, it's kind of hard for us to have the kind of wedding that I would like to have.

1:15:59 Adam Right. You and he can invite all your bi friends.

1:16:03 Caller Right.

1:16:05 Adam Is he bi, too?

1:16:06 Caller No, not at all. He's totally homophobic.

1:16:09 Drew Is he seeing women?

1:16:10 Caller Huh?

1:16:10 Drew Is he seeing other women?

1:16:12 Caller I don't know.

1:16:12 Drew You don't know? What's up with this relationship?

1:16:14 Adam And by the way, the way she answered that makes me a little nervous. And whenever a guy gives a woman carte blanche to go out and screw around, I think he's kind of saying, I may be up to something, too.

1:16:26 Drew Yeah, he's either checking out or he's trying to make himself sort of make it OK that he'd do the same thing.

1:16:32 Caller Yeah, that's why I have a lot of my friends tell me, too.

1:16:35 Drew Yeah.

1:16:35 Adam Well, why do they tell you that?

1:16:38 Caller Well, because he's also said a lot of other things, too, that kind of...

1:16:42 Drew Like? Give me an example.

1:16:44 Caller Well, I'm not really sure, but just kind of acted out certain things. Like he'll act really funny around the specific friend of ours and his girlfriend. He acts kind of standoffish in front of her. And then when I walk away or something, they're all chit-chatting together. And then when I come back, it's just like...

1:17:02 Drew You can feel the tension.

1:17:03 Caller Yeah.

1:17:05 Drew As though he was in a threesome with them?

1:17:07 Caller You know, if you ask the thing, I don't really... I don't know.

1:17:10 Adam Rachel, yeah, you don't know a lot for someone who's been engaged for two and a half years.

1:17:14 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:17:15 Drew Why is that?

1:17:16 Adam I'm picturing, by the way, on this guy. I'm picturing like a two or three stage mullet. I'm really picturing like a mullet times a mullet. Yeah, like almost maybe even shave clean on the side with the ponytail. What kind of hair do you use?

1:17:31 Drew He was one of those kids, like at age six, had a mullet.

1:17:35 Caller He's got a crew cut.

1:17:36 Adam Crew cut. No, I never had the mullet going.

1:17:39 Caller No, huh? No, actually, no. All the pictures I've seen of him when he was younger, he never really had that.

1:17:45 Adam No ponytail?

1:17:47 Caller Long hair, kind of. Almost shoulder length.

1:17:49 Adam Shoulder length, short in the front, though?

1:17:53 Caller All one length, actually.

1:17:54 Adam I see.

1:17:55 Drew And now he's a crew cut.

1:17:57 Adam Let's see, is he work construction?

1:17:59 Caller No, he's public service.

1:18:01 Adam What's that mean?

1:18:03 Caller Law enforcement.

1:18:05 Adam Ooh, law enforcement.

1:18:08 Drew Why is he low income?

1:18:09 Adam Why don't you guys have any money?

1:18:10 Caller We only get, he, well, he gets paid, like, between twenty-four and twenty-six.

1:18:16 Adam Seems like cops make a little bit more than that.

1:18:20 Caller That's a real low manpower department.

1:18:23 Adam I see.

1:18:24 Caller Yeah.

1:18:24 Adam All right. Well, let's just examine your situation. He's basically telling you you can go out and do whatever with whoever, as long as it's a woman. And he doesn't even want to know about it.

1:18:36 Caller Well, he wants to know about it.

1:18:38 Caller I don't have to tell him right away.

1:18:40 Adam I see a little incubation period for your lesbian act, say, a couple of weeks.

1:18:44 Caller Yeah.

1:18:44 Bill Maher Sure. Makes sense.

1:18:47 Adam And you're a little suspicious about him and what he's been up to with other folks. And I would bet just checking my gut here that something's up with him and other folks.

1:19:04 Drew Or checking out this relationship in some way.

1:19:06 Adam Do you guys...

1:19:06 Drew Backing down. All right.

1:19:08 Adam Drew, get ready. You steadied over there?

1:19:09 Drew Yeah.

1:19:10 Adam Do you guys have a kid?

1:19:11 Caller No.

1:19:14 Adam Dear Lord.

1:19:14 Drew Thank you, Lord. But you don't have a kid with anybody else?

1:19:17 Caller No. I'm child free.

1:19:20 Adam Are you sterile?

1:19:21 Caller I have no idea.

1:19:23 Adam Are you using protection?

1:19:24 Caller No.

1:19:26 Adam See, I didn't get you. See, it's so funny because I end up doing the math. Like, I'm like, they got to have a kid and that's like, no, I don't have a kid. And I'm like, huh, that seems weird. How that happened. And then I think, and then Drew pops up and I agree, he's like, well, do you have a kid from another relationship? And I go, oh, that must be it. That's what I'm talking about. And it's like, no. And I'm like, this is somebody who's responsible enough to get herself on the birth control or use some form of contraception. And then I think, then they go, then it's like, okay, I guess they must be. Maybe I read them wrong. And it's like, no, I don't use anything. And I thought, yeah, my instinct was right. It's just the kid hasn't come yet. Right. Right. Rachel, do not have a kid with this guy. This guy's chaotic. You guys don't make any money.

1:20:16 Caller Yeah.

1:20:17 Adam And you're not using birth control. And there's going to be a problem here because there's going to be a kid and you're going to get a kid and then you're going to break up in eight months and you're going to be left with this kid and no income.

1:20:29 Caller Yeah.

1:20:29 Adam And then I got to pay for it. You see?

1:20:31 Caller Yeah.

1:20:31 Adam OK. Now, if you want to salvage this thing, you better get this guy talking.

1:20:36 Caller I don't know how to do that.

1:20:37 Adam Well, you better tell him if we're going to get married, we're going to have to get some counseling, go to the church, do whatever it is. But we got to start getting to the bottom of you telling me to just go out and do whatever whatever I want with women. And why are you saying that? What does that mean?

1:20:52 Drew Why did you moan so much when Adam said that?

1:20:54 Caller Because I've so mentioned numerous times that we need to go to counseling. And since he's a major breadwinner, he's the one with the benefits.

1:21:04 Drew What about through your church?

1:21:07 Caller I don't go to church.

1:21:07 Drew Wait a minute.

1:21:08 Adam She's in the Santeria. Are you kidding me?

1:21:11 Caller And the church I do have here in town, I have no faith in them.

1:21:15 Adam Okay. But here's where you're way ahead of the game, Rachel. And listen to me, all you screwballs. You don't have three kids. Yeah. If this thing goes south, you walk away, you're 23, you get a job, you grab a roommate, you live your life for a couple of years, you go back to junior college, and you make something of your life. I would really worry about this guy. And I think Rachel worries about him. And there's probably even more here that we don't know about. Okay, do not marry him. And please don't have any kids until you guys get to the bottom of this. Katie?

1:21:53 Caller Yes.

1:21:53 Adam You're 20?

1:21:54 Caller Yes.

1:21:55 Adam What's up?

1:21:56 Caller Not much. I was actually calling because I seemed to have a problem. I started dating this guy and it was really embarrassing because we were drinking one night and I don't normally drink because I haven't had an alcohol problem in the past and ended up wetting the bed. I totally understand that that frightened him away, but this happened with an ex-boyfriend of mine too.

1:22:19 Caller It was really horrible.

1:22:20 Caller He peed on me, but we stayed together for nine months.

1:22:23 Drew He peed on you?

1:22:24 Caller Well, it's sweeping from alcohol.

1:22:29 Adam I wouldn't really classify that as being peed on.

1:22:33 Drew Alcoholics will get out of the bed and stand over you and pee on you. I love that. They will do that.

1:22:39 Adam He didn't do that.

1:22:41 Drew No, not at all.

1:22:42 Adam No, he, but listen, Katie.

1:22:44 Drew He wet the bed.

1:22:45 Adam You wet the bed. He peed on you. Do you notice the phraseology there?

1:22:51 Caller Okay, no, I understand, but what I'm seeing is, is there anything that I can do because I feel as though I ruined a good friendship and I scared away this guy.

1:23:00 Adam Friendship? You mean relationship?

1:23:03 Caller Well, both.

1:23:04 Caller Okay.

1:23:05 Adam Your urination did not scare him away.

1:23:08 Drew He was on his way out anyway.

1:23:09 Adam If he was into you.

1:23:11 Caller No, the one was a relationship from nine months ago. We ended up breaking ties and everything when I, when he moved.

1:23:18 Drew And then what does that have to do with the pee?

1:23:21 Caller Well, this new voice, I was dating this guy for about three weeks and then you weed on him. Yeah.

1:23:28 Drew Yeah. He left not because you pee. He left because he was leaving anyway.

1:23:32 Caller No, this, that's the, I'm just saying that I've done this more than once.

1:23:37 Adam And we're talking about the current guy. Will you stop going back and confusing us and confusing yourself and hearing anything but the truth? The reason the most recent guy left is because he wasn't into you. Not because you peed while you were sleeping with him.

1:24:03 Caller Huh?

1:24:04 Adam Do you understand that?

1:24:05 Caller Yes.

1:24:06 Adam Okay.

1:24:07 Drew You turn your radio off, okay?

1:24:09 Caller Okay. Is there anything that I can do?

1:24:12 Drew To stop the peeing?

1:24:13 Caller Yes.

1:24:13 Drew Yes. You can get your alcoholism treated and not drink. If you don't drink, you don't use alcohol, you won't pee. You listen to the radio. All right.

1:24:23 Adam Katie, we're hanging up on you now, okay?

1:24:26 Caller Okay.

1:24:27 Adam Good luck with your life. Stop drinking and don't blame the breakup on the peeing, okay?

1:24:34 Caller All right.

1:24:34 Adam The alcohol. Oh, my God. How are people, I mean, what do you do? How are you employable? What goes on? You know what I mean? How do you?

1:24:43 Drew Service department. Public, customer service. Customer service, yeah. Yeah.

1:24:47 Adam Is that what happens?

1:24:48 Drew Our front desk at a hotel.

1:24:50 Adam You just get a job working with the public?

1:24:53 Drew Well, what's the name of that hotel?

1:24:54 Adam Or is it Meter Maid or something?

1:24:56 Drew I was in Cincinnati over the weekend and had the most awful experience at a front desk at the, well, I don't think of it at a hotel during the break.

1:25:04 Adam All right.

1:25:04 Drew I want to badmouth them.

1:25:05 Adam Good, Drew. Drew will seek his vengeance.

1:25:08 Bill Maher Yes.

1:25:09 Adam When we come back.

1:25:13 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back. Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:25:34 Bill Maher You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio.

1:25:38 Caller 100.7 The Buzz.

1:25:50 Adam Drew! Hey, Drew, when I yell, it means a goddamn show.

1:25:55 Bill Maher Drew!

1:25:57 Adam Please, it means the show's starting, goofball. What is it with you finishing your stories out there? I know, but the show's starting, that's why I'm yelling. Yes? No, I don't know. It shouldn't be on if it is.

1:26:12 Drew Tess, there we go.

1:26:13 Adam Yeah, go ahead.

1:26:14 Drew Oh, it makes it better when you scream, though. As opposed to just doing the intro, and I'd be sitting down by the time I finish the intro.

1:26:19 Adam You know, my favorite, my favorite Drew quality is it is it pertains to radio those when you're talking to a guest and you've engaged a guest in your chatting and I put my headphones on and I go, show's starting guys and Drew keeps talking to the guest and the guest like, well, screw it, Drew's talking and you guys sit there and talk and then the mic comes up. Beautiful radio. Dr. Drew, everybody. Seventeen years in radio has been a damn thing. Alisa, Alisa, Alisa, Alisa, Alisa, Alisa, Alisa, Hi, I hate all you with your names. So what's up there? Seventeen.

1:26:54 Caller Yeah, I've been listening to you guys forever. Oh my God, I just want to, this is my first time calling, actually.

1:27:00 Adam Thanks, baby.

1:27:01 Caller Yeah, anyways, I was just calling because like, okay, it's an even when I orgasm either. When I like have sex at any time, there's always this huge amount of fluid that comes out of my body. And I just, I want to know where it comes from. It's just like an abnormal amount. It feels like gallons of water just coming out.

1:27:26 Drew Could it be urine?

1:27:27 Caller No, no, it's not. I know it's not.

1:27:29 Adam Well, then it comes from the bowels of hell.

1:27:32 Drew There's multiple glands in that area, skeins, botulins, what not, that can produce a lot of fluid. And some women have sort of an ejaculation.

1:27:39 Caller It's just crazy. And sometimes it's like, it's sometimes it's bloody. Like sometimes it's bloody. And I've had, I mean, I mean, I've had enough sex but it's not like skin carrying.

1:27:51 Drew I understand that comes from the uterus. And some women have that every time they have sex.

1:27:54 Caller It's just weird because it's like it's always in this all over the bed.

1:27:58 Caller It's fine.

1:27:59 Adam Hey, baby. You just added 10 minutes to the jack session tonight. You want to shoot for 15 or are you done?

1:28:07 Drew Yes, it's normal.

1:28:09 Caller Okay.

1:28:09 Drew Completely normal.

1:28:10 Caller Okay. I'm just making sure. Cause I've always wondered. I seriously just like, cause I'm like my friends, I'm going to call and ask Dr. Drew.

1:28:16 Drew Yeah.

1:28:18 Adam If you listen to this show with any regularity at all, you'll know that there's many, many a call. We feel many a call about fluid coming out of women. You all think you're freaks, but it's really a one out of every, let's say 10 or 15 women got a little something coming out of there.

1:28:35 Drew Remember we had one that we actually interviewed a bunch of women that had this thing? And we figured that they were having super orgasms or something. No, they really weren't. They just sometimes just happened.

1:28:45 Adam That's the way the plumbing's hooked up. Well, look at it this way. There's certain guys who drip. Certain guys whose penis dribbles when they get erect. I mean, semen comes leaking.

1:28:59 Drew Or even then just dribbles a little bit at the, you know.

1:29:02 Adam Comes leaking out of them.

1:29:03 Drew All right.

1:29:04 Adam What's wrong with those guys? Why does it happen? What do they need to do? Nothing.

1:29:09 Drew Other guys.

1:29:10 Adam That's the way it works. Other guys doesn't work that way. Lisa?

1:29:13 Drew Yes?

1:29:14 Adam What's up, Toots?

1:29:15 Caller Okay, recently I was living at my aunt's house and she had like a really bad mold problem. And the mold in her house made me sick. And now I have like toxic levels of mold.

1:29:26 Drew Well, what do you mean you were sick?

1:29:30 Caller Well, it started out as a really nasty sinus infection. And when we got that cleared up with the antibiotics, I was still feeling like a lot of sneezing and a lot of fatigue.

1:29:41 Drew So you had allergies from molds?

1:29:43 Caller Yeah, that's what they decided.

1:29:44 Drew Okay, so you have allergies.

1:29:45 Caller Yes.

1:29:45 Drew Okay.

1:29:46 Caller And allergies.

1:29:47 Caller Yeah, so I'm on Claritin now.

1:29:48 Drew Okay, so you have allergies. No, it's not a big deal.

1:29:50 Caller And, um, and.

1:29:53 Drew What's the question about your allergies?

1:29:55 Caller Well, I'm at high risk for cancers now because of the mold.

1:29:58 Drew Who said that?

1:29:59 Caller My doctor.

1:30:00 Drew What kind of doctor is he?

1:30:02 Caller He's a toxicologist.

1:30:03 Drew High risk for cancer.

1:30:05 Caller Yeah, they actually gave me a list of a bunch of different stuff and I'm supposed to go in for yearly cancer scans.

1:30:13 Drew Of what?

1:30:15 Caller It's basically my whole body.

1:30:17 Caller I mean like when it broke down like for each type of cancer, the type of scan that they did and I'd imagine that basically like because there was a lot of them that they just have to do a whole body scan.

1:30:29 Drew Well, that's not a cancer screen, a body scan. What kind of doctor is this? I mean, where are you being treated?

1:30:37 Caller What hospital?

1:30:39 Caller It's not in a hospital. You only tell him his name.

1:30:43 Drew No, no, I mean, this is somebody associated with the university or something.

1:30:47 Caller No, he's just a toxicologist, but I know that...

1:30:51 Drew What does that mean, toxicologist?

1:30:53 Caller He treats different people that have...

1:30:55 Drew Is this a physician, is this an MD.?

1:30:56 Caller Yeah, he's an MD.

1:30:57 Drew And he, I would suggest you get just another opinion about this, just to see what, it just sounds pretty wild, this whole situation.

1:31:05 Caller Actually, I've been to a couple of different people.

1:31:07 Drew Yeah, but he's the one giving you this cancer screening thing.

1:31:11 Caller Yeah.

1:31:11 Drew And the total body cat, you're talking about total body cat scanning?

1:31:15 Caller Yeah.

1:31:15 Drew That's limited, that's not real screening. They'll screen your lungs, your pancreas and things, but then, you know, why are you doing that?

1:31:24 Caller I mean, I haven't actually gone in for it yet.

1:31:25 Caller This is a, I'm just starting treatment.

1:31:28 Caller It's a yearly, it takes a whole year to detox from it.

1:31:31 Drew Yeah, I suggest you go to a university and get another opinion about this. It just sounds a little bit wild, a little bit wild.

1:31:38 Adam And you know why I'm the world's biggest A-hole, Drew? Because whenever I see somebody who has a lot of allergies or claims to be allergic to a lot of things or has chronic fatigue syndrome, I've seen bar fires or even people who wear glasses. I always go pussy. None of my friends got any problems. No, that wouldn't happen to Chris or Ray.

1:32:02 Drew Your friends would run over by cars.

1:32:03 Adam Yeah, they got real problems. We were actually trying to kill them. Even that doesn't work. It's always the same person. That's why I'd be the world's worst doctor. I really would. I'm sure there's something legitimate here, but if one of my friends said they had a problem with mold, they'd get made fun of until they were better.

1:32:20 Drew Or you'd throw poo at them. Take this mold.

1:32:26 Caller Robert.

1:32:28 Adam Robert. Caller goes by the name of Robert. He's 14 years old.

1:32:31 Drew Is he sleeping?

1:32:34 Caller Let's see here.

1:32:38 Adam He wants to know, the question is why I have a problem with ROTC. And that's, let's see, ROTC is Officer Training Center. What the hell's, yeah, what's the R though? I used to know what it stood for.

1:33:00 Bill Maher Registered with ROTC.

1:33:02 Adam Well, anyway, no, I don't have a problem with ROTC. I wish all the scoundrels in the world would do that.

1:33:09 Caller Oh, he's back? Back now?

1:33:11 Adam Robert?

1:33:12 Caller Yeah.

1:33:12 Adam You there?

1:33:13 Caller Yeah, right here.

1:33:13 Drew What's up?

1:33:14 Caller Nothing, just early on the show, I heard you say about tossing the rifles and stuff, how that isn't good for the students.

1:33:21 Adam Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the drill team.

1:33:23 Drew Some of the girls.

1:33:24 Adam Yeah, those fake wooden rifles. It just seems like a bad plan if you're trying to keep guns out of schools to, during the half time of the football game, have those guys up there with those two by four mock-ups of the M1 throwing them over the shoulder and tossing them in the air.

1:33:41 Caller Yeah, that's it.

1:33:41 Adam It seems like a mixed message. That's all I'm saying.

1:33:43 Caller Yeah, it's like an exhibition team.

1:33:45 Caller I'm trying out for that too.

1:33:47 Adam Right. But I would think if guns were something you didn't want to bring in the schools, then marching around with them at half-time, it just sounds like a bad plan. Put it this way. You don't want to have drugs in your schools. Would you give these guys bongs and have them go up and down the sidelines, spinning the bongs over their head? No. And so you make the argument, you go, I'd like to make this argument. Hey, it's a fake bong.

1:34:12 Drew This is a mock-up bong.

1:34:13 Adam Well, it's a real bong, but the carb doesn't work. What do you think? How do you think that argument would go over at the Student Council meeting, the PTA? They're not real bongs, sir. They're fake bongs or styrofoam. They're just painted up. That's not even water. That's just blue paint suggesting the water line and the smoke. Well, that's just dried ice.

1:34:36 Drew Just a mock-up.

1:34:37 Adam Just a mock-up. What's the problem?

1:34:39 Drew What do you call it? The color guard?

1:34:42 Caller Yeah.

1:34:43 Adam I'm just, I don't really care if they spin around the M1-shaped two-by-fours, but I'm just saying there's a certain irony in it. That's all I'm saying. Agreed.

1:34:56 Caller All right.

1:34:56 Adam We'll take a break.

1:34:57 Caller We'll be back.

1:35:23 Adam Well, there you go, Loveline. Another fantabulous episode. I want to thank Bill Maher for coming in here. I like Bill Maher.

1:35:31 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:35:32 He's...

1:35:36 Adam Not everyone has something nice to say about Bill Maher, but the good news is he doesn't give a rat's ass, and boy, he's got something to say.

1:35:45 Yeah.

1:35:45 Adam And give me a guy who's got something to say over a guy who doesn't. Who has shiny teeth.

1:35:52 Caller Baa! Baa!

1:35:52 Caller Baa! Baa! Baa!

1:35:53 Adam That's right.

1:35:54 Caller All right.

1:35:55 Adam So I want to thank Bill Maher. Tell him I'm going to go out and watch that Tom Cat's coming out this Friday. Having a little Temptation Island semi-reunion. Tomorrow night. Oh, and something Ann has been asking me to plug for last... Well, since a half hour before the show's starting, I'm confused too. Is Sunday night. We want to talk about Ecstasy.

1:36:16 Yes.

1:36:17 Adam And we need folks to call in who have what, Ann? Who have...

1:36:22 Drew Have had experience with it or...?

1:36:23 Or who are...

1:36:24 Caller Yeah, basically an opinion.

1:36:25 Drew If you go to raves, you do Ecstasy.

1:36:27 Adam Right. And no laymen. I'm talking about someone who's been to at least 10 or 15 raves, at least, and has done a whole assload of...

1:36:35 Drew If you're going to show people who are in the midst of all that, you're going to have to show people who are also 10 years down the line on antidepressants and all that stuff. So we need those also. 818-567-1067, between, what, 10 a.m. and 2, 10 a.m. and 3?

1:36:48 Adam Yeah. Call producer Ann.

1:36:49 Drew Pacific Time. And these are people who can call in on the show on Sunday night as well. Okay.

1:36:53 Not necessarily guests.

1:36:54 Adam That will be X-Night, Sunday night. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla with Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:37:01 Caller Yeah!

1:37:02 Caller Have fun getting laid, huh, Lardo?

1:37:06 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, March 26, 2001