Episode 1000754887028

1:02 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline Coast to Coast.

1:13 Adam See, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, our guest, Joe McIntyre. Joe, of course, you know from all those years and new kids, it is no longer Joey, it is Joe and Joe is here to talk about The Fantasticks, which is a new movie that's coming out this Friday.

1:43 Guest Not necessarily Joey, not Joe. I'm not sending out a memo across the country. No, call me Joey, call me whatever, but The Fantasticks. Just go see The Fantasticks, man.

1:54 Adam Well, tell us about The Fantasticks.

1:56 Guest Oh, it's fantastic. Sorry. It's, thank you. I was waiting for that, a little late. It's the longest running show in the world, actually. It's an off-Broadway show out of New York. Classic love story, but the way the writers tell it. A lot of you might remember the song, try to remember the kind of September, see that?

2:21 Adam Yeah, I had the lyrics all screwed up, but yeah.

2:25 Guest It was something like that.

2:26 Drew That was The Fantasticks?

2:27 Guest That was The Fantasticks. It was part of it and there's a lot of other great songs, and Joel Gray and Barnard Hughes, a lot of great actors put together the movie, and it's a great show, and so it's coming out Friday, the 22nd.

2:44 Adam It's a musical? Is it what Grease would be to Grease?

2:49 Guest No, it wouldn't be what Grease. No, it's set actually in the 1920s, so.

2:54 Adam No, but what I'm saying is-

2:55 Drew The movie Grease would be to Grease the Play.

2:58 Adam Yeah, that's what I mean.

2:58 Drew West Side Story would be to West West Story.

3:01 Adam It went so quick to shut me down, but that's what it is, right?

3:04 Guest Right, right, but the play itself is a very small set. It's-

3:09 Adam It's what Newsies was to Newsies.

3:11 Guest Yeah, it's what I am to- I don't know what, but it's a good musical. It's nice, but for those of you who know what the musical is about, the set of the play is very- there's not a lot to it. It's just about the people and the songs, but so the movie and the adaptation is set in the 1920s.

3:37 Drew It was sort of like in the vein of Godspell, wasn't it? Yeah. There's eight people in this day.

3:42 Guest Yeah. Avant-garde wouldn't be the right word, but for a guy who doesn't know what avant-garde means, it's kind of avant-garde.

3:49 Adam Well, the thing that strikes me about musicals that turn into movies is it's Feast or Famine. Either it's an amazing classic cult where everyone knows the lyrics and it runs forever or it dies a thousand deaths.

4:04 Guest Yes.

4:05 Adam There doesn't seem to be a musical that everyone goes, I give it a seven and it's around. It's number three in the box office for a month and then fades away. It's either a dismal failure or a huge success.

4:18 Drew It's Newsies or Sound of Music.

4:20 Adam That's right. Thank you.

4:21 Guest But for a play that's been on Broadway for 40 years and this play literally, I mean, the first week it wasn't even going to open. So it's got a great story behind it and so many people have done it in high school and so many people have been in it. So I think it's going to have that cult following and people will see it. I don't know how long it's going to be in the theaters, but it's a good end of a story that, you know, the writers finally got to see it on the big screen.

4:45 Adam How much musical theater have you done? Drew's done a whole hamper full, haven't you, Drew?

4:51 Guest Yes.

4:51 Adam Well, let him swallow his pie, but he's done a fair amount of... Oh, sure.

4:56 Guest I've done a lot of musical theater, but more importantly, my co-star, Jean Louisa Kelly, who's just dropped in to say hi. Oh, she's here.

5:07 Adam We'll turn her mic on and we'll be good. Hi, Jean.

5:11 Guest Well, just turn it up a little bit more for Jeannie.

5:16 Adam Sure, Joe, maybe.

5:17 Guest Maybe you can share my mic.

5:19 Adam I love this show.

5:20 Guest But you did it in high school, didn't you, the play?

5:25 Guest I did the play in college. Yeah. And it's funny because... Oh, is my mic working?

5:31 Adam No, that was just me pointing and screwing things up even more.

5:35 Guest And then... And actually, it's funny because my mother plays the piano and she played for a production in my hometown when I was very little. Well, not that little, like 13. And my voice teacher was doing the play and my mom played the piano for it. So I've known it for a long time.

5:50 Adam And so it's a little bit of a homecoming for you. And exciting doing something you know and appreciate, I guess.

5:57 Guest Yeah. Well, it's a great musical and it's cool doing a movie too.

6:01 Adam I guess for me it'd be like getting a part in Speed Racer, the movie.

6:06 Guest Yeah.

6:06 Adam Oh, absolutely. Something I watch.

6:07 Drew Like Johnny Quest, the movie.

6:09 Adam Johnny, yeah, where I play a young Anglo Haji.

6:13 Guest Thanks for bringing it home to the listeners.

6:15 Drew I thought you'd play Bandit.

6:17 Guest Thank you.

6:18 Adam All right. So this is coming out this Friday, right? Yep. And then I guess there's a soundtrack that goes along with it.

6:27 Guest We did the album together. We did a cast album and it's not, we don't have Aaliyah and R. Kelly doing covers of Try to Remember, but it's me and Gina singing with the cast, Joe Gray, again, good people.

6:42 Drew Well, his daughter had a thing for you, didn't he, Adam?

6:45 Guest Really?

6:45 Drew Didn't she, Adam?

6:47 Adam She's a little nutty.

6:47 Guest I liked her original nose. I liked Jennifer Gray's original nose.

6:51 Adam I got it at home if you want to see it.

6:53 Drew Really?

6:53 Adam Yes. I sit on it every night when I come home.

6:55 Guest Nice.

6:56 Adam Yeah. Joe, what about touring and see more CDs and all that stuff?

7:03 Guest You guys broke, but basically broke me on MTV again. That was my first appearance and I had a great time, made a couple of videos and it was good to be back and toured a lot. I'm working on my next album. So I'm doing good stuff. But Jeannie, you might want to hear. She's a little bit more hot to trot. She's got billboards all over.

7:24 Guest I don't know about that.

7:25 Guest Yes, we know.

7:27 Adam Jean, tell us about the new series.

7:29 Guest It's a new sitcom called Yes, Dear. It's on Monday nights at 8.30 on CBS and right before Raymond. And it's got Anthony Clark, who you may remember from Boston Common. And he's a great stand-up comic and Michael Malley and Liza Snyder and I.

7:46 Adam Yeah, I've seen the spots for it, although I'm trying to you see the problem with me in sitcoms is I get the Yes, Dear's and the Full Houses and the Eight Is Enoughs and all these, all these sort of cliche titles and I start getting them. I said Full House. I get them all, I get them all whipped up into one. But I, I have one that no one has used, which is Close Quarters. I call it, okay? No one has used that one yet. It's about a Hungarian soccer team that lives in a one-bedroom apartment with a newlywed couple. So there's like 26 Hungarian guys.

8:20 Guest I could see you as one of those guys, the Hungarian guy.

8:23 Adam I'd be Bela, the goalie.

8:25 Guest Nice.

8:26 Adam And they live with this newlywed couple in a single, in a flat in Manhattan.

8:30 Guest I think that-

8:31 Adam That's all I got.

8:31 Guest It's gotta be in-

8:32 Adam I think it would work. Well, Close Quarters would sell it.

8:35 Guest It's got potential. Well, the name is everything.

8:37 Adam It's got legs.

8:38 Guest You would sell that like no problem in LA. No problem.

8:41 Adam Joseph?

8:42 Yes.

8:42 Adam You're 21?

8:44 Caller Yes.

8:44 Adam What's up?

8:45 Caller Oh, not much. How's it going, guys?

8:46 Adam Hey. Hey.

8:47 Caller Well, it's good to be on the air. Yes, I ride my bike to work pretty often. I commute to work.

8:53 Drew Commute.

8:54 Caller And I get this sort of a penal-

8:56 Adam Waiver.

8:56 Caller Yeah. Numbness.

8:58 Adam Right.

8:59 Caller And I want to know why.

9:00 Drew Is that just while you're riding or is it- Is that just while you're riding or does it go on for the rest of the day?

9:06 Caller It'll do it while I'm riding.

9:07 Drew Do you have any trouble urinating?

9:08 Caller No.

9:09 Adam Yeah. This happened to me when I used to ride once. Here's the trick. It's important to keep your junk out in front of you. Don't tuck it between your legs and sit on it all the way out there.

9:17 Guest Tuck it up. Bring it up.

9:19 Caller I try to kind of stand up on the pedals and push to get the blood through to get it going again.

9:24 Drew It's actually pressure on a nerve called the pudendal nerve, which runs under the perineum there. And you can crush it and can injure it. And as you get older, it could be an issue. But it usually is not.

9:35 Adam I know it's not romantic, but how about...

9:37 Drew I'm not sure when I get older. No, it usually isn't. But be careful. Get the right kind of seat. Get a gel seat. Get the right kind of seat.

9:41 Adam How about one of those big padded seats with the lamp?

9:45 Guest Oh, they're great.

9:46 Adam Sheepskin on. You know the bike that the witch used in the...

9:51 Drew Wizard of Oz.

9:52 Guest The big springs on the back underneath.

9:55 Adam Yeah, big leaf springs on there. You know what I'm talking about? Why don't you get one of those? Or a nice banana seat.

10:02 Drew But the point is be careful, because it can have an impact long term. Women get a lot of problems with the urinary frequency and that sort of thing. People that do the spinning, they get labeled with interstitial cystitis, which is not what they get. They just get urethral irritation.

10:17 Adam You know what really sickens me is when you see guys in that spinning class. You ever see those guys? You ever see a spinning...

10:23 Guest Well, they're in front of you. You got the back row.

10:25 Adam Joey, you're from Boston. I don't think they have spinning over there.

10:29 Guest They don't get time for that stuff in Boston.

10:31 Adam No, they've labeled that crap nonsense. That's the kind of stuff... Spinning is what people around the country make fun of LA. They think of spinning.

10:38 Drew Yes, that's right.

10:39 Adam They think of $8 coffees in spinning.

10:42 Drew Yeah.

10:44 Guest I think so.

10:45 Adam I announced boldly in front of one of those spinning classes that I would not get on one of those bikes if it was hooked up to a generator that powered a whorehouse. Even then. Chuck?

10:59 Yeah.

10:59 Adam You're 21.

11:00 Caller Yep.

11:01 Adam That's good. What's up?

11:03 Caller Hey, I took some ecstasy like a month ago. And after I came down and stuff, when I came down, my back started hurting. Like it still hurts, too.

11:21 Drew Still hurts to this day?

11:22 Adam Yeah. Sounds like it hurts to talk, too. Is that true?

11:25 Drew Well, it hurts to think.

11:26 Adam Oh, I see. That's how you talk?

11:28 Drew Yeah.

11:29 Guest It's hard to admit that you get a back problem after a month.

11:32 Drew Well, yeah, it kind of...

11:33 Caller Like my neck hurts worse.

11:35 Drew Yeah, that's sort of peculiar, but there are all sorts of... It's an injury to your central nervous system that that drug gives you. Was it a large exposure, a large dose?

11:44 Caller Yeah, but then I did it again on Saturday.

11:47 Drew Have you been depressed or anxious since?

11:49 Caller Like, want to do it again? Heck, yeah.

11:51 Adam You smoke a lot of weed?

11:53 Caller Huh?

11:53 Drew Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

11:54 Caller Of course, of course it is.

11:55 Adam It's a great answer. Huh?

11:57 Drew All right. Ecstasy is one of the drugs that we know dissolves parts of your brain.

12:03 Adam Really?

12:03 Drew Yeah.

12:04 Caller They eat your brain?

12:05 Drew Yeah.

12:05 Adam But not the part you use, the fatty outer section and then the nougatty inner core, right? None of the essential stuff.

12:12 Drew Chuck's not using much anyway, so he may not notice, but unfortunately, the part that's going to go is the part that maintains his mood. You can have to serve your sleep. People commonly get back in neck pain. Any time a medicine wipes you out or a substance wipes you out, back pain is a common thing.

12:32 Adam Okay. Let me explain my turn yourself into a retard theory just one more time real quick. It's not a popular theory, but neither are many of mine, right, Drew? This is just one more of them. Some people are smarter than others. There's no doubt about that.

12:49 Drew How dare you?

12:51 Guest Well, brains, some people were given brains as a gift and others.

12:54 Adam Right. We're given nothing. A sack of coal, that's what I got. And there's Einstein and then there are this sort of people use a little more of the reptilian brain. And when you're a genius, you can afford to burn a few brain cells. You really can. I mean, if you got 175 IQ, you want to smoke some weed and do some acts and knock yourself down to 140, 135. Fine, you're still smarter than the guy sitting next to you on the bus. But a lot of our callers are hovering around the border of Retardville already. They're barely, they're barely able to get a job. They're barely functional. They're barely there. They're barely in triple digits when it comes to the IQ. Then they start adding the weed and the hallucinogens and the ecstasy and whatnot on top of that. And now they're sliding into technically retarded, as Chuck illustrated so clearly.

13:45 Caller Oh, no!

13:47 Drew Unfortunately, there isn't that kind of linear relationship of intellect and exposure to these drugs. So in other words, what you're losing is not necessarily intellectual function. It's some of its reserve. So as you age, you'll start getting dementia later.

14:01 Adam All right.

14:02 Drew It's mood disturbances. Panics and anxiety.

14:04 Adam Do not crap on my half-baked.

14:06 Guest I hope my friends, my friends are listening to that, that it comes later fact.

14:11 Drew Oh, yeah. Well, the alcohol is the one that commonly does that to people.

14:14 Adam Well, but Drew, if your bulb was not that bright in the first place, it's like putting a lampshade or some foil over it.

14:21 Drew I think you can say that accurately as it pertains to memory function. Right.

14:25 Guest My friend, one of my good friends.

14:26 Adam You don't think weed dulls you down?

14:29 Drew You're talking about permanently, though.

14:30 Guest He says, that's, you know, he goes, man, that's the only thing I miss is my memory, man. And it was serious. He was dead serious.

14:39 Adam But I hope you made him feel better by explaining to him, listen, you didn't do anything too good and you didn't nail any good looking chicks, so don't worry about it. As a matter of fact, your dad died eight years ago. You were miserable. Paul?

14:51 Caller Yeah.

14:51 Adam You're 17.

14:52 Caller All right, thanks.

14:53 Adam Great. What's up?

14:54 Caller You're welcome.

14:55 Drew You're welcome, Paul.

14:56 Caller Thanks for actually bringing me online, sorry. Yeah, I have a question about women's hymen to be because I don't know. My friends talk about it. They say it's two inches in.

15:06 Drew It's very different than the men's hymen.

15:08 Caller Yeah, I hope so.

15:09 Adam Right. The behemian.

15:12 Caller I want to know a little bit about that and about breaking it or whatever. Do you want pictures?

15:17 Adam No.

15:17 Drew Come on.

15:19 Adam Drew wants to get his anatomy book out so I can look at a hymen. I'm not going to do it.

15:23 Drew It's not two inches in.

15:24 Guest Is that like as in hymen town or?

15:28 Caller No, that's New York.

15:30 Guest Oh, that's a different thing.

15:31 Drew What's that, Paul?

15:32 Adam Thank you.

15:34 Caller Did I say it correctly?

15:35 Drew Yeah, you know you're fine. It's not two inches in. It's just inside and it's a membrane that women are born with and it will rupture.

15:41 Caller Can they rupture it with their finger or?

15:43 Drew They can rupture it spontaneously just by growing up.

15:46 Adam You know what it basically it is? It's that piece of foil that comes on top of the vitamin packs or the vitamin jars or the aspirin jars. You know you take the lid off, you got to push your thumb through there real hard. Yeah, that's about it.

15:59 Guest But does it come off? Could you take some off like you know how you take it?

16:02 Adam Peel it back a little.

16:03 Guest Peel it back. You'd like to get a smooth break.

16:05 Adam Right.

16:06 Guest But what if some little comes off? Can a little stay there?

16:08 Drew Yes.

16:09 Adam Yeah.

16:09 Guest Yes?

16:10 Drew Yes, it can partially rupture.

16:11 Guest Wow. Good analogy.

16:12 Adam That's all I need by the way. I'm like a great running back. I just need a little peek of daylight. Boom. Pay dirt. See what I'm saying?

16:20 Caller I have one more problem.

16:21 Drew Okay.

16:21 Caller You might be able to relate with me on this one. I live up in the hills and I was walking through the forest and I touched some poison oak and I didn't know if I did or not.

16:30 Drew Uh-oh.

16:31 Caller I'm a hill boy.

16:32 Drew I know where this is going.

16:33 Caller There's a river and when you hear river, you automatically think, oh, whiz. So I went to go take one and then four hours later, pow, it was red, it was itching. I don't know if Drew could help me out on what I could use.

16:47 Drew Oh, come on. You've had poison oak before, right?

16:49 Caller Yeah, I know. I mean, I've used cam or whatever, that oil or pink stuff.

16:53 Drew Well, when it gets in the genitals, it can be pretty rough.

16:56 Caller Man, I don't want to go to the doctor, though, and have them go down there and go.

16:59 Drew Look, you have a doctor?

17:02 Adam You have a doctor, Paul?

17:04 Drew Yeah. Well, you could call. There's steroid creams. They'll take care of it, no problem.

17:08 Caller Oh, really?

17:08 Drew Yeah. They could do that over there.

17:10 Caller Dad, I need to go to the doctor.

17:11 Drew Yeah, just tell them you have poison oak. That's all. Got a bad case of poison oak.

17:15 Adam You think it's possible for a 17-year-old to rub cream on his penis without masturbating?

17:20 Drew No, but there's no doubt that the applications will be made twice a day. You understand?

17:25 Adam Yeah, at least.

17:27 And clear up in a snap.

17:29 Adam Yeah. Josh?

17:31 Guest In a snap, wow.

17:33 Adam Josh, you're 18.

17:34 Guest No pun intended.

17:35 I'm 18. Hello, Adam.

17:36 Adam Have you ever whacked off using calamine lotion?

17:38 Drew Not calamine.

17:40 I don't know. Sometimes I like to whack off.

17:43 Adam Really?

17:44 Sometimes I like to whack off. Sometimes I like to use lotion.

17:46 Adam Really? Dry guy?

17:47 I'm a dry guy.

17:48 Adam Great. Yep. Save thousands over a lifetime. Maybe millions in my case.

17:53 Okay. Well, first I want to say that Adam, I love your show, The Man Show, and I think you're just a fabulous guy. I can tell you all your analogies and everything.

18:03 Guest Are you jerking off now?

18:05 No, no.

18:09 Drew He's jerking Adam off.

18:12 Listen, I got some questions about Robitussin.

18:15 Drew What about it?

18:16 Well, I did Robitussin. I bought a bottle of it about a month ago, and I was feeling pretty shaky afterwards.

18:26 Drew You did a whole bottle at once?

18:27 Yeah. It was really, I don't know.

18:30 Drew People call that robo-tripping.

18:32 Yes.

18:33 I'm never going to do it again, but I'm just wondering, because when I came down, it probably took me about three days to come down.

18:39 Yeah.

18:39 Adam It kicks the crap out of you. What does it do?

18:41 Drew It's hallucinogen.

18:42 Adam I went Vagisillin once. You ever do that?

18:45 Drew Did what?

18:45 Adam Go Vagisillin.

18:47 Drew Is that on a wind sail or something?

18:48 Adam Three-smoke Vagisillin. Have you ever done that, put that in a bong? No. Just robo-tripping.

18:54 Guest What does it?

18:55 Drew The dextromethorphan. It causes hallucinogenic, has hallucinogenic effect, a very high dose.

18:59 Guest What is it most like, like a drug other than?

19:02 Drew Ask him. Josh, what was it most like?

19:05 Guest You do too many ask you.

19:06 I don't know. I really haven't done many drugs, except I've done weed. That's about it.

19:11 Guest Was it like that?

19:12 Drew No.

19:13 No, it was kind of like a...

19:14 Drew It's almost an encephalon. Almost a delirium.

19:17 It made me feel like I was light. Like I just got done running or fighting or something, and all my muscles were just like totally light, and I was kind of floaty.

19:26 Adam Nice.

19:27 Guest Did you have a cold?

19:28 Do I have a cold now?

19:30 Adam No, not for another eight years.

19:32 I did not have a cold.

19:33 Guest How's that head clearing up?

19:35 Adam So what should he do, Drew?

19:37 Well, no, I know. What I was just wondering is if it's like, what are the effects and what does it actually do? My back hurt really bad.

19:44 Drew See, when a medicine cricks the crap out of you, you'll get back pain. I don't think anybody knows, but my experience has been that drugs that cause hallucinations as a primary influence tend to ultimately cause brain damage. So just be very careful with that. Although I know of no doubt that documents what Robitussin does to people.

20:04 Adam He didn't freak him out. I mean, he didn't do his permanent damage.

20:07 Drew He's fine.

20:08 Adam You're all fine. Daniel? Yeah. Yeah.

20:12 Caller Adam, what's up?

20:12 Adam Hey, what's up? You're 15. Yeah.

20:15 Caller Hey, first of all, I'd like to say I love your guys' show.

20:18 Adam Thanks.

20:19 Caller The Man Show.

20:20 I can't watch it anymore because my parents like cut the cable. But it's a great show.

20:25 Guest Good for them.

20:25 Adam Thank you. Did they physically cut the cable or did they just stop paying the bill?

20:30 Caller No, they kind of just like stopped paying the bill.

20:32 Adam Nice.

20:33 And my sister says hi and she loves you.

20:35 Adam Great. Tell her I'll be by later.

20:36 Drew Is that it, Daniel?

20:37 I kind of have a question for Drew.

20:39 Drew Yeah.

20:40 I was wondering if suppositories can break your behymen.

20:44 Drew Yeah.

20:46 Adam Thanks, Daniel.

20:47 Drew Genius.

20:48 Adam I liked it. All right. You get that cable back so you can watch your man show.

20:54 Guest Behymen. That was the twist on that one.

20:56 Adam Right. Hey, Daniel, tell your folks it's basic cable. Come on. Hey, no. But listen, I would I look at that as child abuse, not providing basic cable for a young.

21:08 Drew I like the idea of the image of the parents taking the shear and clipping it.

21:12 Adam Yeah. Or just freaking out ripping it.

21:14 Guest Like during right when the beginning of your show came on too, like right then and there.

21:19 Adam Yeah. Right. Like sparks flying out.

21:21 Guest Yeah.

21:22 Adam We didn't have a cable growing up, but there was this thing called the On Box. Remember that? On TV.

21:27 Drew Oh, yeah.

21:28 Adam It was like having one really crappy cable station.

21:32 Drew Yeah.

21:33 Adam It was like having one bad Cinemax channel.

21:37 Drew And as I remember, HBO had a competing box.

21:40 Adam No, I don't remember that. I just remember the On Box. You'd flip it on and it would be, oh, great, Walter Matthau and Hopscotch is on again. It was a movie thing.

21:48 This is great.

21:49 Drew It was a movie deal.

21:49 Great.

21:50 Adam I've seen this 118 times.

21:50 Drew No, there was an HBO box. I remember that.

21:52 Adam Yeah. But late nights, Saturday nights, they'd run the dirty movies that weren't dirty by today's standards, but you could catch a boob.

21:59 Guest Is that the same network that you got in between those stations where it was like fuzzy and you could see some?

22:06 Adam That scrambled porn.

22:07 Guest What was that, though? Where did that come from, though?

22:09 Adam Listen, we didn't have scrambled porn growing up. You understand? We had to rough it out.

22:13 Guest All right.

22:13 Adam We had the Vegas ad in the back of the sports page to look at, and occasionally the Sears catalog with the bra department.

22:22 Guest Or the one that your mother would rip out.

22:24 Drew The pool items and the raft.

22:25 Adam Oh, yeah. I had a raft box that I used to pleasure myself to. It was a good-looking chick floating on a raft. You know you're hard up when you're heading over to the Big Five to check out the raft boxes. I mean, is there anything more pathetic?

22:42 Drew No.

22:43 Adam It's like, hey buddy, been an hour and 15 minutes in the pool section. You're going to buy one of those floats? No. When you're picking the raft box up and checking out, is there a different chick on the back or is it the same chick in a different pose? Look at the one on the side. It's pretty hot there. I actually tried to get in contact with the raft chick. I swear to Christ, I did about it.

23:03 Drew Oh my God.

23:04 Adam I swear to God.

23:05 Drew Oh, the humanity. Tell me about this.

23:06 Adam It was about five or six years ago.

23:09 Drew You're going to talk to your shrink about this.

23:10 Guest Five or six years ago.

23:11 Guest Wow.

23:12 Adam Oh yeah. I was 30.

23:13 It wasn't even that.

23:14 Adam No. I wasn't 15 and a half. I was 30. I had my own ride by then.

23:18 Guest Yeah. Was it the cloud thing? Did you figure, all right, I'm ready. I've had my own show for a while. I'm ready to call the raft girl.

23:24 Adam Yes. It's all part of my master plan.

23:27 Drew What did you do?

23:28 Adam I'll bide my time working on my career, amassing my fortune and then one day I make my move on the raft chick who probably drowned four years earlier in a photo shoot.

23:39 Drew So you tried to call her.

23:40 Adam Tsunami hit while she was out on the raft. I tried to get ahold of her. Yeah, I did.

23:45 Guest Which one though? She must have been 50 by now.

23:47 Adam The one from my youth. I didn't care. I wanted her like I want Adrienne Barbeau now. I don't care. You know what I mean? She may be a dusty jewel to some, but to me she would be the jewel in my crown. I still have to get her to say I got her before I die. And same with the raft check.

24:05 Drew Okay. And so what did you do?

24:06 Adam I went to the Big Five and bought a raft. And then I called the company.

24:11 Drew And what did you say?

24:12 Adam Like distributed the rafts.

24:13 Drew What did you say?

24:15 Adam I'm looking for marketing, the advertising. Who does the raft packaging? Who makes the box? I'm sure they get those inquiries all the time.

24:22 Drew How far did you get?

24:23 Adam Not that far. I couldn't get her phone number.

24:25 Drew Past the receptionist?

24:28 Adam No, I couldn't get the raft chick. So then I decided to try to get hold of the chick who was on the Bally's Health Club. There used to be a cardboard cutout of her that was in the front of some store. She was like sitting in a unitard, hot looking blonde. I've been looking at her for a long time. Circa?

24:44 Drew 82.

24:45 Adam No, mid-80s. I couldn't get hold of her either.

24:48 Drew I'm sorry.

24:49 Adam Yeah.

24:50 Drew Heartbroken.

24:51 Guest How about the girl in the Bally's commercial?

24:53 Adam I'm working on Mrs. Butterworth right now.

24:55 Guest Oh, okay.

24:55 Adam I believe she's actually alive and out there. Yeah, I wouldn't any of the chick from the Bally's commercial. Could you imagine if you're just on a blind date and you said like, well, describe this chick to me. And someone just went, she's on one of those Bally's commercials. You'd be like, fine, done. Let's go. She killed her last boyfriend, I think I should tell you. That's fine. That's cool. Let's go.

25:12 Drew It doesn't matter. All right.

25:14 Adam I swear to God, if those commercials were another 30 seconds long, I would masturbate. Do you see those Bally commercials? We're out in the desert working out.

25:20 Guest You got to get ready for them, though. You got to know when they're coming.

25:23 Adam It's weird, though, that they show people working out.

25:26 Guest I'm only kidding. Janie's looking at me like, Are you serious?

25:29 Adam They show people working out, but it's not in the Bally's. It's out in the middle of the salt flats.

25:32 Guest No, the desert one. And they're like, yeah. She got the silver top on. Yeah. She's hot. I don't know who she is, but.

25:39 Adam All right. Well, let's look her up, man.

25:41 Guest Put her on your list.

25:42 Adam I'll get the raft, chick. You get her. Yeah. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. We'll be back right after this.

25:51 Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

26:28 Yay! Yeah! It's one line.

26:32 Adam Joe, don't call him Joey McIntyre. He doesn't care if you call him Joey McIntyre.

26:36 Guest No, that's not cool because I don't know what-

26:39 Adam Call him whatever you want.

26:39 Guest Yeah, thanks.

26:40 Adam He's just coming out with a new name, which is nothing more than a symbol.

26:42 Guest We just can't use it over there.

26:44 Drew Artist used to be known as Joey McIntyre.

26:46 Adam That's not true. Louisa Kelly is here too. I think. Does she have a mic that works?

26:51 Guest Testing, testing, testing.

26:52 Adam Sort of.

26:54 Guest I mean, I'm back here, and you're basing things like...

26:57 Guest All of my little snippets of tidbits of information have to be magnified.

27:02 Adam Is that going to work, Anderson?

27:03 Guest No.

27:03 Guest Does it sound good?

27:04 Adam No, they should still share a mic. It doesn't.

27:06 Guest All right. Yeah, this is picking up fine.

27:10 Adam I hear that word has it on the street that Westwood One is going to have a bake sale in a couple of months. They're going to buy a new microphone. It will be the first one in, I think, 48. So, they got one donated eight years ago from a beached Soviet sub came up on Santa.

27:30 Drew People don't realize. We had to describe these things. They're those little halos with the little speaker.

27:37 Guest The RKO ones.

27:39 Adam Right. It's the one the old baseball announcers used to use when they used to stand up. When the guy wore the fedora that said press in it. David.

27:47 Yes sir.

27:48 Adam You're 24. What's up?

27:50 My question is for Dr. Drew and not knocking you Adam Carolla because you're badass.

27:55 Adam Hey thank you. Hold on. Let me make comment about tonight. It is a commentary night.

27:59 Drew You know people have been doing this for about two weeks. It drives me insane.

28:02 Adam They have not. No they were all. We were a bunch of dead fish last night.

28:05 Drew Yeah but they all started with Adam you're the funny guy. Drew you're smart. I think you guys are great. So I'm going to be silent.

28:12 Guest Welcome to radio guys. I mean come on get used to it.

28:15 Adam David.

28:16 Yes.

28:16 Adam Okay I'm sorry we didn't mean to break your spirit. Go ahead and ask your question.

28:19 Guest I agree Dave. Go ahead man.

28:22 Hey this is for Dr. Drew.

28:24 Drew Yes David.

28:24 I'm going to go see a psychiatrist tomorrow and I'm a dope head and I'm an alcoholic going and so forth and I've been abused so on so forth I'm a dope head whatever.

28:33 Drew Okay got it.

28:35 But I'm worried that I'm going to try to con because I've been in penitentiary twice I'm going to try to con the psychiatrist which I can.

28:43 Drew Well why go? Why go?

28:46 I need help.

28:47 Drew Well the only way that the psychiatrist can make an adequate or even accurate assessment of what you need is if you're completely honest.

28:55 That's the problem with people like me I'm not honest. I'm a con.

28:59 Adam What were you in the penitentiary for?

29:02 I shot up my ex-fiance's dues. Well, she was screwing somebody and I shot up his car because he wouldn't come out and fight me.

29:13 Adam You just had a gun on you?

29:15 45 automatic clock and clock.

29:16 Adam That's nice. And you shot his car up. I'll tell you, I've said it many times. A car is like a piece of you that you leave outside.

29:24 Drew For a man.

29:26 Adam I got a hypothetical question.

29:27 Guest I always thought it was a pocketbook.

29:29 Adam How many millions of dollars, maybe billions of dollars of damage have been done to automobiles just via relationships while they were parked? Tire slash.

29:39 Guest Whatever that amount is, I'd say about 90 percent of it.

29:42 It's neither here nor there.

29:44 Adam All right. So you got...

29:46 Guest Okay.

29:46 Adam Thank you, David. You got arrested. Are you doing drugs now?

29:50 Drew Oh, yeah.

29:50 I'm drunk or in a skunk.

29:52 Drew Yeah. He's an alcoholic, a pod addict.

29:54 Adam So you got to work on that, right?

29:55 Drew But here's just understand this principle, David. The first thing the psychiatrist needs to manage is your addiction. Until that is dealt with, nothing else can be done to help you. So if you don't talk about that issue, you might as well not go.

30:09 Caller Well, check this out. Pride gets into when I talk to a psychiatrist. I'm like, I'm not retarded and I'm not stupid, but I'm a dopehead and alcoholic, but I'm not going to spill my guts and act like a...

30:24 Drew Wait, again, David, David, David, if you don't go, you're going to somebody to help manage emotional difficulties. If you don't tell them about what those are, they can't begin the process of dealing with them. And the rule of thumb is the very first one to be dealt with always is addiction.

30:42 Adam All right, hold on, let me speak to David, man to dope head.

30:46 Caller Okay, go ahead.

30:47 Adam I was at the shrink today, David.

30:49 Caller Were you?

30:50 Adam Yeah, I lie all the time at the shrink. Makes me feel better about myself.

30:53 Drew Yeah, and you could be like Adam and be in therapy for 14 years and accomplish.

30:57 Caller If I was Adam, I'd be dead by now because he's a multi-millionaire probably.

31:01 Adam I'm literally a millionaire, literally, David.

31:04 Drew Not multi-millionaire, we'll hear about it.

31:06 Caller I would be Scarface with my nose stuck in the nose.

31:09 Drew We'll hear about it when he's literally a multi-millionaire.

31:11 Adam You got to have dreams, David. Now, listen to me. Don't worry about what you're going to say at the shrink, just go to the shrink. You understand? Just go there, sit down and talk.

31:20 Drew He'll know if you're BSing too, by the way.

31:22 Adam Everyone BSes at the beginning and then you start to break them down a little bit. Just go. Just get the process started. I don't want to freak the guy out so much he doesn't go and he's all loaded now. Just be sober and show up. That's it. All right. Kasey.

31:38 Hi.

31:38 Adam You're 15?

31:39 Caller Yeah. What's up? Okay.

31:42 Adam Hold on a second. Let me tell you something that's weird about the shrink. I don't know how many of you have had this experience.

31:48 Guest Some of my best friends have.

31:49 Adam You know, the thing that's weird about-

31:51 Guest Wink, wink.

31:51 Adam It's weird in life when you're sitting down and talking to someone, you start getting to an emotional topic. It feels a little weird. But at the shrink, it's weird when you're talking about nothing. Yeah. It's really almost uncomfortable. I showed up, I was five, 10 minutes late today, and I sat down, I was like, man, the traffic is really bitch out there today. He was like, yes, it is. I guess they're tearing down the mall over there, and they got a lot of construction going on. He's like, well, it's tough getting here. It was really bizarre and uncomfortable. I was like, okay, please, I got to start crying when I talk about my family real quick, because it's too weird talking about traffic.

32:27 Guest How do you feel when you're in the car? Do you feel closed in?

32:31 Drew All that was a scream for you to not talk about your master tour habits.

32:33 Adam How dare you?

32:35 Drew That's right. You still have brought that up.

32:37 Adam Please, please.

32:38 Drew Talk about being honest.

32:39 Adam Oh, how dare you?

32:41 Drew Oh, my God. How the hell is he going to make an assessment without that basic information about your sexual compulsivity?

32:48 Adam Come pull out, dare you? In front of the guest. Sexual compulsivity.

32:55 Drew Just bring it up. Instead of talking about the sexual compulsivity. Talking about the hamper or the laundry or the-

33:01 Adam How dare you? What about my hamper? Does somebody own my precious hamper? No. It's not a problem.

33:08 Drew Yeah, I understand.

33:09 Adam Once a day, no problem.

33:10 Drew David doesn't think he's got a pot or an alcohol problem either.

33:12 Adam That's right. Maybe he doesn't.

33:14 Drew That's right.

33:15 Adam I just got done whacking off to my mom.

33:17 Guest What's healthy just for throwing something up? What's healthy for masturbation on a weekly basis? Healthy.

33:26 Adam You're going to kill yourself after he gives you the answer. You better ask me.

33:29 Guest Every day, Joe, how many times should... What is the call?

33:34 Drew Well, think about how often the average couple has sex, which is about twice a week.

33:38 Guest Right.

33:39 Drew So that's about what a guy's rhythm biologically is.

33:42 Guest Okay, so he shouldn't be doing anything else?

33:46 Drew There's not a should to it.

33:47 Caller That's about it.

33:48 Guest Okay. But tell me, Adam, what do you do?

33:51 Drew What are you good for?

33:53 Guest If he's got a girlfriend and he's having a healthy relationship and he's having sex twice a day.

33:59 Drew Twice a week?

33:59 Guest Twice a week. He's just rocks.

34:02 Drew I know where he's going with this.

34:03 Guest No.

34:04 Drew What?

34:05 Adam Okay.

34:06 Guest Should he not be healthily...

34:09 Drew Relieving himself also?

34:10 Adam Yes.

34:11 Drew He could do whatever he wanted.

34:12 Adam Let's say he's singing, he's on the road, he has a very hectic schedule.

34:15 Drew I'm going to crack Dr. Drew. Two, three times a week is about it. Where are you at, Adam? But in a weekly schedule. Not daily, weekly.

34:24 Adam Oh, weekly?

34:25 Drew Weekly.

34:26 Adam I squeezed you off today, so it's kind of seeing you a little bit. I really look at it as one because it was within like an hour and a half. It took like a 20 minute.

34:35 Guest So you saw the Bally's commercial in an hour and a half, girl.

34:38 Adam I have missed a day on occasion. Once in the fall of 1986, I missed a day.

34:43 Drew Oh, the humanity.

34:44 Adam Then early 92, I missed a day.

34:46 Drew It must have been so hard for you. It's difficult.

34:49 Adam Yeah. I don't know what happened. I think I had 104 fever or something.

34:52 Drew So we're at about 14 times a week here.

34:53 Adam No, we're not at 14 times a week. I'd say realistically, I'd give myself 10. I'd give myself 10 times a week. That's only 40 times a month. That's not bad.

35:05 Guest I feel better about my.

35:08 Adam Listen, every one of my friends is good for that. Please. How dare you?

35:13 Drew How dare you?

35:15 Adam Thank you. Carlos?

35:17 Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew Loveline.

35:20 Adam Hey, Carlos.

35:22 Guest How many times did you say that before? Were you online doing that over and over again? Or is that completely spontaneous?

35:28 For once, I just want to say that you're the intelligent one and Dr. Drew, you're the funny one.

35:32 Adam Thank you.

35:33 Here's what happened. I go to North Park University and every year they have a freshman streak.

35:41 Adam Right.

35:42 I was in it last year and to conceal my identity, I wore one of those Mexican wrestler masks. It's called the mutato mask. Anyway, halfway through the streak, a bunch of football players thought it would be a good idea to tackle my ass. So I didn't recognize it at the beginning because of all the adrenaline. But when I got home, apart from my knees and crab being all scraped up, there was a big cut on my penis. Really?

36:12 Drew What do you mean by big cut?

36:14 I mean on the head of it. I think what happened was when they tackled me, it scraped against the pavement.

36:21 Drew So it was a scrape, was it a cut?

36:23 No, it's not like it's like.

36:25 Adam Let me tell you, the players these days are not only trained to tackle, but to strip the balls loose too. They'll wrap you up with one hand and try to punch out the balls with the other hand, see if you can get a turnover. See what I'm saying?

36:38 Drew I got it.

36:39 Adam Yeah.

36:40 So right now, as of now, there's like a gouge in the head.

36:46 Guest What was that? Is that the dog in the back?

36:49 Drew He's got Tourette's too.

36:51 Adam Wait a minute. He's BS and I was... He's nuts wearing a Mexican wrestling shirt.

36:56 Guest Oh, I think he said hut. As in hut?

36:59 Adam Yeah, I think he was audible-izing.

37:00 Guest Yeah, he was calling the audible. Blue, 24, scrape.

37:04 Adam He saw the safety moving up on a little red dog inside there. He was almost audible-ized.

37:10 Guest I hate when safeties do that and don't make the tackle though. They run for the ball and they won't tackle them.

37:15 Adam Yeah, they try to tackle the ball.

37:16 Guest 20 to 10, and they could have tackled them at the 20, but they go for the ball.

37:19 Adam I'll tell you, though, some of those guys got it down to a science. That other hand comes flying around like a George Foreman hook to the body, man. And it's like, I don't know who, you could have an octopus couldn't hang on to that ball. I mean, you got a 280 pound guy with a 20 inch bicep and his other arm comes flying around. And it's like either he gets the ball or he breaks three ribs. And no one ever did that before. It's pretty cool.

37:47 Guest The ones that don't know how to do that play for the Patriots.

37:50 Adam Oh, I'm sorry about them. Are they 0 and 3 now or 1 and 2?

37:56 Guest They're 0 and 3.

37:57 Adam Three heartbreakers too.

37:58 Guest Oh, tough ones.

37:59 Adam Listen, just like last year too, the Patriots have probably lost six out of their last 11 games and all within a field goal or two.

38:11 Guest Absolutely.

38:12 Adam We're in every single one of them.

38:13 Guest I'm glad you feel our pain.

38:15 Adam Yeah, I do. I do. They suck. We'll take a little break. We'll be back.

38:20 1-800-LOVE-191.

39:02 Adam I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew over there. He's filling in for Dr. Bruce all this week. Is that joke gotten tired yet, Drew?

39:11 Drew I'm tired of it.

39:11 Adam Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Joe McIntyre is here, also Jean Louisa Kelly. Both Joe you know from, of course, New Kids on the Block.

39:26 Drew Now you know from the new movie. That's right.

39:27 Adam I even forgot.

39:28 Guest But they really know me from my solo career.

39:30 Adam Solo career, of course.

39:31 Guest Last year my album.

39:32 Drew Broken on Loveline.

39:33 Guest Debuted on your TV show.

39:34 Adam That's right. Going triple platinum. And the Fantasticks, which is coming out this Friday. Longest running off-Broadway show in the history of Broadway. Off-Broadway. And Jean you can find on CBS 830 on Monday nights coming up October 2nd in her new sitcom, Make Room for Daddy.

39:58 It's called Yes, Dear.

39:59 Adam Yes, Dear. Yeah, there we go. Are you hot, Daddy?

40:02 Make Room for Daddy.

40:04 Drew Smell it here.

40:07 Adam Yeah, Mother Man. It's called Yes, Dear. I'm sorry.

40:10 I gotta write that down.

40:13 Adam All right. Where are we going here? Back on the phones. And speak to Casey. Casey?

40:18 Caller Hi.

40:19 Adam Hey, you're 15.

40:20 Caller What's going on?

40:22 Caller Okay. First, I just want to say, I'm doing my little commentary right here. Joey, I think you're really talented and New Kids on the Block was probably the first musical band I ever heard of in my life. And Adam, I am a straight female, but I love The Man Show. It's hilarious.

40:39 Adam Fantastic.

40:41 Caller Okay.

40:42 Drew Whenever somebody says, I want to hear as a little bloomer, I'm disturbed and I've got lots of emotional problems.

40:47 Adam How dare you? Thank you. Go ahead.

40:50 Caller Okay. I lost my virginity over the summer. And the first guy was my boyfriend.

41:01 Adam The what with your boyfriend?

41:02 Drew The first guy was a boyfriend. How many guys have there been since?

41:04 Caller Two. Okay. And I cheated on him with the other guy who was 18. And every time for me, it's like hurt for the first like five minutes. Like every single time.

41:23 Drew So it hurts with penetration? Is that worth hurting?

41:25 Caller Like on penetration, sure. But like for the first like five minutes of intercourse.

41:30 Adam If you're with me, it only hurt for the first two minutes.

41:32 Drew What happens after that five minutes? It could be over two minutes.

41:35 Adam That's what I'm saying.

41:36 Thank you, Drew.

41:38 Adam Thank you very much.

41:39 Guest No.

41:41 Caller It's just like uncomfortable, but you know.

41:44 Drew It remains uncomfortable, but it's not painful.

41:47 Guest Yeah.

41:47 Drew So, and do you orgasm?

41:50 Caller Occasionally.

41:51 Drew That's a no.

41:52 Adam Occasionally? What do you mean occasionally?

41:54 Caller Like it depends.

41:56 Guest That means almost once. Yeah.

41:59 Adam Oh, during the oral?

42:00 Guest Maybe not. I wasn't there.

42:02 Caller With the second guy, yeah. The first guy, hell no, but.

42:04 Adam Oh, the guy you're cheating with though?

42:06 Caller The guy I was cheating with, yeah.

42:07 Adam It's important that your 15-year-old boyfriend know about how the 18-year-old gave you the orgasm.

42:13 Caller I just broke up.

42:14 Adam Good, good girl. All right. Your line is bad, so we're going to put you on hold, but you can listen to our answer. What's your question? I have no idea.

42:19 Drew What's your question?

42:20 Caller Just like, is it normal?

42:22 Drew No, it's not normal, but you're sexually active now. You've got to get a pelvic exam, and let's-

42:26 Caller Yeah, I'm getting one.

42:27 Drew All right, and discuss this with the person who's doing the exam. See if there's any infection. The most common reason for pain with and around penetration is anxiety, frankly, or vaginismus, and the spasm of the muscles down there, and it causes discomfort.

42:41 Guest Yeah, yeah, a lot. What about the fact that a woman not being aroused? Yeah, lubricated. Does that have something to do with vaginismus? What's that called?

42:54 Drew Vaginismus? Not really, but it can be part of the pain syndrome. The pain, then, it usually isn't bad right away. It's, and it usually gets worse as it goes along. It doesn't get better.

43:03 Adam Yeah. She's tensed up at the beginning, and then sort of... It's like when you go to the chiropractor, you know what I mean? Or get a massage. You know, I tell you to relax a little. You're a little bit funky at the beginning, and then eventually you start to mellow out, and then eventually crap in your tail. That's what I do. And I'm like, hey, bitch, you told me to relax.

43:22 Guest Nice.

43:22 Adam Come on. You want to relax. That's relaxed. Yeah.

43:27 Guest Hopefully that's not happening for her.

43:30 Adam I'm always scared to turn over, because I think I'm going to get an erection, or have one when I turn over.

43:35 Drew She couldn't tell anyway.

43:36 Adam Don't worry about it. How dare you? As a guy, you lie in your stomach naked with the towel over your ass on a hard piece of vinyl, and you're going to get an erection, especially if someone's working you over. Hey, it can happen. Well, you wake up every morning with an erection, you sleep on your stomach, there's that pressure against your groin.

43:55 Drew Yeah.

43:56 Guest It's not from the pressure though.

43:57 Drew Drew, Tom. Part of it, there's multiple factors that come in there.

44:00 Guest Okay.

44:00 Guest Isn't it when you have to pee or something?

44:03 Drew The stretch in the bladder actually activates the spinal reflex.

44:06 Adam I'm saying that if you took your basic average young man who functioned well, got him naked, wrapped the towel around him, and told him to lie on his stomach.

44:17 Drew You'd get some blood flow.

44:18 Adam If you had somebody work him, especially if it's an attractive woman, start working on him, when it was time to flip over in a half hour, there might be a little something under the towel.

44:26 Guest Yeah. So would you just turn over and be like, ha ha ha. Or would you go, oh man.

44:34 Adam No, I...

44:36 Drew He'd be going, which kind of massage am I getting here?

44:39 Adam No, I know the part before they flip you over. You know, they start in like one hand. You get that feeling when they're getting about done with the one side.

44:46 Guest What do you think about till...

44:47 Adam Vietnam.

44:47 Drew Margaret Thatcher.

44:48 Guest Vietnam.

44:49 Adam Don't think about name.

44:50 Guest Okay.

44:51 Drew It's interesting.

44:52 Adam My grandmother in Vietnam.

44:54 Drew How different men and women work. For a woman that's like, what? How could that possibly be? What is sexual about that experience? Again, men...

45:01 Guest I know for women, it's like, please don't turn me over. Just keep going.

45:05 Just keep going.

45:07 Adam Taylor.

45:08 Guest Say that again. You just have to turn over.

45:10 Adam Taylor?

45:11 Hello?

45:11 Adam What's up?

45:13 Hi. I'd like to ask Joey a question.

45:15 Adam There he is.

45:16 Guest You didn't ask her how old she is. You didn't say, you're 12.

45:19 Drew She's 18.

45:19 Adam 18.

45:21 Joey, I've loved you since I've been really little.

45:25 Are you going to come out with another solo album soon?

45:27 Guest Yeah. I'm in the studio right now, and hopefully in the spring, it'll be out and it's going very well. So thank you.

45:38 Okay.

45:38 Guest I love you so much.

45:40 Guest Thank you. Is everything all right and everything working okay?

45:45 Drew Yeah.

45:45 Guest Okay.

45:46 Drew Where are you calling from? Downey. Downey?

45:49 Guest Where's Downey?

45:50 Drew Downey. It's about a half hour from here.

45:51 Guest Downey is in the softener?

45:54 Adam Yeah.

45:55 Drew Where the freeways meet.

45:56 Guest Is it fresh and bouncy down there?

45:59 Adam Yeah. It's a bad place at Downey. You got to move out of Downey.

46:02 Drew What's that street of cars there?

46:04 Adam Long Beach Freeway Firestone Exit. Get Downey! Pete Ellis Dodge is out there.

46:09 Drew There's a whole mile of cars.

46:11 Guest If someone had a machine gun in the middle of the street, would everyone go, get Downey?

46:16 Drew That's Whittier. Wait, that's Whittier.

46:18 Guest Everyone get Downey!

46:19 Adam Hold on. Speaking of Whittier, there was nothing less Whittier than Joe's Downey comment, by the way.

46:24 Guest You're the comic here. I'm just a punk.

46:26 Adam No kidding. You're lucky I can't sing.

46:29 Guest I'm here to make you look good.

46:31 Adam You're doing a fine job, just as long as there's no camera in here. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Chase, wants to know about long-term effects of constant masturbation. Finally, a topic I can speak on.

46:48 Caller Um, back in a minute.

47:29 Adam Yep, the Love Line. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, that's Dr. Drew, I'm Adam Corolla, Joe McIntyre's our guest tonight, also Jean Louisa Kelly. Both here promoting The Fantasticks, which is coming out this Friday. It's a feel-good movie.

47:47 Guest Yes.

47:48 Adam It's a musical.

47:49 Guest Can, what time, how long are you guys on for?

47:53 Adam Another four hours.

47:54 Guest Another hour, huh?

47:55 Adam We're on until Likus comes on at three o'clock.

47:58 Drew Tomorrow afternoon.

47:59 Adam No, we're on until midnight. You big fan of the show?

48:05 Drew Listening for years.

48:06 Guest Years. Years. That's not what I meant. No, I just meant because I'm on the East Coast, so it's different for me. I just wanted to know.

48:16 Adam What are you trying to say, Joe?

48:17 Guest I'm saying that-

48:18 Adam Embarrassing s'more, Adam. I think I know what Joey's getting at. We were supposed to let them go at the top of the hour, but I conveniently forgot about that.

48:27 Guest I'm on fire. I'm killing. That's what they say.

48:29 Drew I'm killing.

48:30 Adam That whole get downy thing.

48:32 Guest Can we do it again? Give me the machine gun. Get downy.

48:36 Adam I see that as a one-man show. I really do.

48:40 Guest In a one-man audience. Me in the mirror.

48:43 Adam You and your grandad. I'm killing. No, you guys will hang out for one more break, if you will, because we didn't get our goodbyes in last time and that'll be that. I always forget about it and I apologize. Chase?

48:57 Yeah, what's up?

48:58 Adam All right, so you're 18.

48:59 Caller Yeah.

49:01 Adam You want to know the long-term effects of constant masturbation?

49:04 Caller Yeah, because I'm a virgin. And you know, I have this constantly. It's like I'm good for about 7, 8, sometimes 10, 11 times a day.

49:16 Drew How did you get vitamin D deficiency from lack of sunlight exposure?

49:21 Caller Well, I get out a lot because I go to work or whatever and I drive. I pick up my sister from school and all that, but you know, it's just that I kid, I've just been doing this since like for at least two years now. Because I can't find the right girl. I mean, this is Detroit, so you know.

49:37 Adam Yeah, it's hard to find one.

49:38 Guest But even if you found the right girl, I don't think you'd be doing it 7 times a day unless you- No. It's just too-

49:46 Adam Here's the problem, Chase. Part of the reason you're not finding the right girl is because you've lost the eye of the tiger.

49:52 Drew It regains it every 30 minutes.

49:54 Adam You have no tiger eye. You have pink eye.

49:58 Guest Bam, bam, bam, bam. Come on, let's go. Bam, bam, bam.

50:02 Adam Go ahead, Drew. Bam, bam, bam. You need to get hungry. You understand? You're complacent. You have no wind in your sails. It's all in your hand.

50:13 Guest You need to get off.

50:16 Adam You need to get up and answer that bell. Here's a point. You whack off enough and you lose interest in women. You stop pursuing them. Look at that. Your scrotum is like a tank and your semen is like fuel that is in that tank and that fuels you to go after women. When that tank is empty, you're just parked by the side of the road.

50:38 Guest Nothing's got to be coming out the fifth to sixth time. This is no way.

50:43 Drew I think this is sexual compulsivity. This is that.

50:46 Adam Why are you a virgin, Chase?

50:48 Caller Well, like I said, this is Detroit and like the women here, so I'm waiting till I go off to college. I'm going to college in January.

50:59 Drew That's cool.

51:00 Guest That's cool.

51:01 Adam Where are you going?

51:02 Caller Eastern Michigan University.

51:03 Adam Oh, yeah.

51:04 Drew We were up there.

51:05 Adam We were?

51:05 Drew We spoke there.

51:06 Adam How were we?

51:07 Drew I don't know.

51:08 Adam Was it good?

51:09 Drew I can't actually remember it. We had a train station down by Ann Arbor. Remember that?

51:14 Adam First off, wait a minute. Oh, yeah. How different is Eastern Michigan chick-wise than Detroit? It's not like you're going to Miami.

51:22 Caller Well, Detroit, for people who don't know the exact population, it's majority black, 72 percent. And the women here, the black women, unfortunately, they're into the thug-type guys. They're into the dumb guys, the guys who want to abuse women, stuff like that. They don't want guys like me who are nice, who know how to cook and clean, do for themselves, and are going to college.

51:44 Adam Right.

51:44 Caller They don't like us, so, you know, we have to go ahead and do it. All right. Wow.

51:47 Adam All right. Well, you probably have a little better fish in Eastern Michigan.

51:53 Caller I hope so. All right.

51:54 Adam But in the meantime, why don't you see if you can cut back to maybe four or five times a day?

52:00 Drew Okay. There's no medical effects of this, but it just suggests some sexual compulsivity here.

52:05 Guest Yeah, but you'd be sore. You'd have to be sore. There's no way he can't be sore.

52:10 Adam Seven, seven, ten times a day? I could have got that in high school.

52:14 Guest Come on, man.

52:15 Adam I think I could have. Nah, it would have been all right. I pull a calf muscle once in a while, but that's why I keep my Asian masseuse nearby in case there's trouble.

52:22 Guest Don't turn over.

52:24 Adam Carl?

52:25 Yes.

52:26 Adam You're 30?

52:27 Caller Yes.

52:28 Adam What's up?

52:29 Caller Gentlemen, it's a pleasure.

52:30 Adam Good to talk to you, Carl.

52:31 Caller Oh, thank you. Can I say real quick, too, that your local PSAs I hear through the phone are much better than ours. You've got porn stars talking about condom use, and we've got stupid salmon PSAs, but they're much more interesting.

52:46 Adam Where are you calling from? Seattle?

52:48 Caller Just north of Seattle, yeah.

52:50 Adam And where, what's a salmon PSA go like?

52:54 Caller Don't pour your car oil in the stream because it'll affect the salmon, you know.

52:58 Guest Yeah, don't walk your bear along the river.

53:03 Caller After dog craps in the lawn, pick it up, things like that because everything affects the damn salmon.

53:08 Guest Don't walk your grizzly in the shallow part of the river.

53:11 Drew Airplane Turbulence commercial?

53:13 Adam They don't run the PSA for Airplane Turbulence?

53:16 Caller I may have heard that, but.

53:17 Adam It is my all-time favorite. No, we don't have it.

53:22 Drew We don't have it.

53:23 Adam Now, let me explain something real fast. It drives me insane. They have these PSA's, public service announcements that they run. All radio stations have to run them. All we hear is a constant feed of PSA's because we are on a national spot and we don't hear any local ads. We hear the same ones over and over again. There are problems out there that need addressing, but airplane turbulence is not something that any of our listeners can do anything about as far as I'm aware of. They beat you over the head to put the goddamn seatbelt on whenever you're in the plane. I mean, they mentioned it four or 500 times whenever you fly. So what the hell are you supposed to do? That is my question. And basically, what they're saying in this commercial is, well, first they start off with this sort of erroneous premise, which is the body was meant to do a lot of things. Football, they make a little football sound. Rollerblading, they have a little rollerblading sound. And then they have a bunch of other physical activities.

54:20 Drew Each of which people regularly killed and maimed.

54:23 Adam Snowboarding. But one thing it wasn't meant for is airplane turbulence. Now the first problem with that argument is more people are killed at the high school level in football every year than from airplane turbulence. So already you're wrong because the thing you cited is an example of what the body was meant to do or made to do or could withstand. Turns out more people die from that than from the thing you're warning us about. You idiots, who's in this meeting? And if you combined all the people that die from rollerblading, football, snowboarding, ice hockey, and all the other things they use as an example of things, your body punishment, your body can take.

55:01 Drew And if you die just injured?

55:03 Adam Just injured, it would be ten million to the three people, the three stewardesses who are in their sixties that hurt their neck and they're just trying to cop a lawsuit and get some disability anyway. But one thing your body's not meant to take is airplane turbulence. But here's my question about this PSA that drove me insane for many years. Why are they giving you a heads up on something that you don't need a heads up on? Because when you go into the airplane, you're bashed over the head with it. There's a light that goes off, the pilot tells you, the stewardess tells you, they tell you a thousand times. So let's, even if you never heard the PSA, you'd still remember to put your seatbelt on because they hit you over the head with it. Right?

55:44 Guest Well, FAA has a budget for commercials. And the girl that does the commercials used to be in radio, but she's married to the president.

55:53 Adam There's got to be something.

55:54 Guest And that's her job.

55:55 Guest She should spend it on having the plane leave on time.

55:58 Adam Here's what drives me berserk. It's like half the airports don't have Doppler radar, but they're spending their money on the PSAs with the doiyoyoying sound in the background. Listen, you jackasses, you spend that money in the right place. And the other one that drives me nuts is airport theft. Oh, worry about your laptop. Oh, please, this is not a problem. Give the PSAs. Stop screwing, you idiots.

56:22 Caller Where do you keep your wallet?

56:24 Adam Up your ass, you mutt. That drives me nuts. I'm a gruff talking about getting. Listen, I think being pickpocketed would be quaint by today's standards. Absolutely. I would. I put an extra 20 in my wallet just in case I'm ever pickpocketed. There's something for you. I write a little note. Thank you for not beating me.

56:44 Guest It's romantic.

56:44 Drew It's entertainment value.

56:47 Adam Thanks for not rolling me, kind sir.

56:48 Drew I'll be giggling for weeks after that.

56:50 Adam Enjoy. If you feel so inclined, here's my money manager's address. Please send credit cards and ID to this address. Thank you very much. By the way, the wallet's fake leather.

57:02 Drew By the way, Carl didn't ask us his question.

57:03 Adam Oh, yeah. All right. The PSA. Well, he shouldn't have got me going on the PSA.

57:07 Caller Well, I opened the source button, didn't I?

57:08 Adam No. Everything's a source button.

57:10 Drew You're just lucky you didn't forget about your hangout, which is what he usually does. I'm one of those diatres, Carl. So consider yourself very lucky.

57:15 Caller Hey, I got to say that I lost my virginity to a new Kids in the Block song too.

57:19 Adam Really?

57:20 Caller Nice.

57:21 Drew When he was 29.

57:22 Guest What song was it? Do you remember?

57:24 Caller You know, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

57:28 Caller Hang on.

57:28 Adam Right stuff.

57:29 Guest That was close.

57:30 Caller Hangin 10 or whatever it is?

57:31 Adam No, it's Hangin Tough is the name of the CD.

57:33 Guest Album, thank you.

57:34 Adam Album, thank you.

57:35 Guest I'm impressed, Adam.

57:37 Caller Yeah.

57:37 Adam Oh, I'm here.

57:39 Caller Anyway, guys, I got a question about Fungus, some of the arms.

57:42 Drew Yeah.

57:43 Caller It looks kind of like Athlete's Footwood or Jock Itch, and I keep using a Low Tremon AF, and it seems to come back like every five, six weeks.

57:55 Drew It's a red patch?

57:56 Caller Yeah, kind of a red patchy. It itches, and as soon as I put something on it, the itching stops, and I can use this medicine for maybe a week, and then it goes away.

58:04 Drew The anti-fungal medicines?

58:06 Caller Yeah.

58:06 Drew Do you ever use any steroid medicines?

58:08 Caller No.

58:09 Drew And the fungal medicines get rid of it?

58:12 Caller It does, but then it keeps coming back, though.

58:14 Adam Well, do you think he has psoriasis?

58:17 Drew No, because most of the other than Fungus shouldn't get better with things like Low Tremon. You might try some Lamacil, which is now available over the counter, and that's a little stronger. But the sort of overriding issue here is whatever conditions set you up to get this in the first place still persist even after you eradicate the infection. So you need to see a doctor to make sure there's not a blood sugar problem or some other condition that's setting you up for this.

58:43 Adam Speaking of over the counter, another quick tirade.

58:46 Drew Joey, raise his hand.

58:47 Guest Joey, go ahead. For those of you that don't listen, when Adam's really thinking, he closes his eyes.

58:52 Adam Yeah.

58:53 Guest He does his things.

58:54 Adam I get angry.

58:54 Guest Yeah.

58:55 Guest So he can't get his attention.

58:57 Guest I have a thing to say to Carl.

58:58 Guest Okay.

58:59 Guest Maybe you should wash your shirts in really hot water. Maybe it's in the shirts.

59:03 Drew Could be.

59:04 Guest It's a female perspective.

59:05 Drew Could be.

59:06 Guest Nice, nice.

59:06 Adam Little panty tip there.

59:11 Guest Going from the foot thing and whatever, just quick, is there something better for athlete's foot? Not that I know, but one of my good friends has it.

59:22 Drew Then what?

59:23 Guest One of my really good friends has it in his right foot, and he enjoys it when he goes to bed just to itch it, to make him go to sleep, and it's fun, it's good, but I think he should stop doing it. Is there anything better than, like, say, the normal stuff like foot powder and all that stuff that's hard to get on and gets all over the bathroom? That's what he says.

59:43 Adam Hey, now I'm thinking.

59:44 Guest Seriously, I want to know, is there something better like a cream or something higher?

59:48 Drew Yeah, there is pills. There's, like, Diflucan. Oh, really?

59:51 Guest No side effects? You'll never itch again.

59:56 Drew I would certainly try to use the creams and keep the so- you know, we'll keep the air. They keep it real dry.

1:00:01 Adam Tell him to keep it dry.

1:00:02 Drew Yeah.

1:00:04 Adam now, whenever I think of Joey, I'm going to think, you know, when he's not treating his athletes foot, he's jacking off. He's scratching somewhere. That's what I'm thinking now.

1:00:13 Drew He's not scratching. He's pulling.

1:00:14 Adam Yeah. You know how I always go insane with the over-the-counter stuff?

1:00:19 Drew Yeah. This is the tire you're going to go on?

1:00:21 Adam This is a mini-mile tire rate. It drives me insane that-

1:00:24 Guest He's closing his ass.

1:00:25 Adam Somebody calls in. Somebody calls in and says they have lice or crabs. And Drew says, well, the over-the-counter stuff doesn't work. We go get a prescription to get the crab-killing shampoo. And I always yell at Drew, why the hell is this? Why do you need a prescription to get crab-killing shampoo? Just make the good stuff available to people. And how are you going to abuse crab-killing shampoo for Christ's sake? It drives me nuts, and I was thinking about it today because I was brushing my teeth with a little sampler thing of toothpaste that my dentist gave me, smuggled to me, and said, this has extra fluoride in it. It's like 1.3% fluoride content. This is prescription, but you can use it. And I thought to myself, what the F do I need a prescription to brush my goddamn teeth for? I mean, a little extra fluoride. Why is that a prescription thing? And if it is, why is he just handing it out to everybody? I mean, who's in charge of this, Drew? What can we do about this? I would say that 7-8ths of the things that are prescription drugs could be checked right off. The extra fluoride, toothpaste, the crab shampoo, all the foot medications, all that fungal stuff. Check it right off. Put it on the counter.

1:01:34 Guest What about Robitussin, though?

1:01:36 Adam Right. Robitussin. That's the point.

1:01:38 Drew It's already there.

1:01:39 Adam Robitussin is there. Legal.

1:01:41 Drew Gasoline is there.

1:01:42 Adam Gasoline, oily rags, tequila and crossbows all over the counter.

1:01:46 Guest In Europe, they just let it. It's free rain in Europe, right? That's right.

1:01:51 Drew For the most part.

1:01:52 Guest Yeah. Go to Europe.

1:01:53 Drew Well, you go to Mexico.

1:01:54 Guest You can do a satellite feed. You can still be around.

1:01:57 Adam Let's not go crazy, Drew. You don't have to go to Mexico. I'll go to Europe. I'll fly to Germany. I'll get myself some prescription drugs and I'll fly back.

1:02:05 Guest Yeah, on the base.

1:02:05 Adam Are you saying live there or just go get some drugs?

1:02:08 Drew I'm just saying it's very nearby.

1:02:11 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:02:11 Drew You go to Canada. You go to Mexico.

1:02:13 Adam I always go there by tile and Vicodin. Ryan, you're 20. What's up?

1:02:18 Caller Not much.

1:02:19 Caller I got this problem.

1:02:20 Caller Anytime I have sex, I kind of get them really quick.

1:02:23 Drew How long?

1:02:24 Caller About five minutes.

1:02:27 Caller Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:02:28 Caller I got other things to make up for it, though.

1:02:30 Drew Wait, five minutes is...

1:02:31 Guest That's not a bad thing.

1:02:32 Drew Yeah, five minutes?

1:02:33 Caller Yeah, it is.

1:02:33 Caller From my perspective, it's...

1:02:35 Caller I feel embarrassed because I let them know.

1:02:37 Adam Hold on. I'm adding something to my Joey list.

1:02:44 Guest It's what you do before that five minutes.

1:02:46 Caller What?

1:02:47 Guest It's called foreplay, you know what I'm saying?

1:02:49 Drew Exactly.

1:02:50 Guest So work on the foreplay and don't worry about the five minutes.

1:02:52 Caller I'm good at the foreplay, but see, I like more than just five minutes.

1:02:55 Drew What is it you expect to happen in that five minutes?

1:02:57 Caller More than just five minutes.

1:02:58 Adam All right, but hold on a second. Sometimes when people say five minutes...

1:03:02 Drew They mean one minute.

1:03:02 Adam They mean one minute. Yeah. Do you mean actual pumping away for a good Led Zeppelin song? Yeah, about five minutes. All right. All right. That's not great, but it's not as bad as what we've heard on the show.

1:03:15 Drew That's not...

1:03:16 Guest And what kind of five minutes is it? Is the five minutes like... Or is it, yeah.

1:03:23 Caller It's like, yeah, like Superboy.

1:03:25 Guest It's an ain't no problem.

1:03:26 Drew What do you expect? Again, what did you let down? I understand where you get the sense of it.

1:03:29 Caller I don't know. I just feel like I'm letting them down or something because I'm so quick and they're just like...

1:03:33 Adam All right. Well, let's give them some tips to slow themself down. Hey, if anyone wants to know how long five minutes is, by the way, get in a boxing ring for three minutes. Yeah. Go one round. That's a long three minutes. It's two on to that. You got your rest period in one minute into the second round.

1:03:52 Guest What are the things that they can think of? Is your grandmother in the foxhole in Vietnam.

1:03:59 Adam Right. She's in a rice paddy, actually.

1:04:01 Drew He needs to masturbate more probably.

1:04:03 Caller I want to keep going. Really?

1:04:05 Adam Ryan, can you remove a bullet from the chamber so the gun doesn't go off so quickly, if you know what I'm saying?

1:04:12 Caller Yeah.

1:04:13 Adam Like a few minutes, a half hour before your date?

1:04:16 Caller Yeah.

1:04:17 Caller I've tried that before, but it don't work. It's just like, it's there, then it's gone.

1:04:22 Caller It's just, boom.

1:04:24 Adam So you have another orgasm?

1:04:26 Caller Yeah.

1:04:26 Caller It's just like, I'll have one in like five minutes, and about like 10, 15 minutes later, I'll have another one.

1:04:31 Guest What is the problem? I don't see a problem.

1:04:37 Adam Ryan, Ryan, so can you take a little break and have more sex?

1:04:41 Caller Well, yeah, but see, it's, I don't know. It's not the same, I don't know.

1:04:46 Drew I think you need to communicate with your partners more. I think your expectation of what they need and what you're going to do for them is just not right.

1:04:54 Adam You go down on them, though, right?

1:04:55 Caller Oh, yeah, I got my tongue twisted.

1:04:56 Adam OK, let me explain something. First, you got to rub some coke on your Johnson, all right? That'll numb it down a little bit. Something I learned in prison. Oh, no, here's the deal. I've said this many times. You set the sexual clock when you begin the foreplay, especially if you're going down. It's like punching in. You know what I mean? You're clocking in. You're in. You're in. Sometimes I have guys punch you in for me if I'm running a little bit late. But you go down on a chick and you clock in. So you go down.

1:05:25 Guest That's double time.

1:05:25 Adam You go down. It's golden time.

1:05:27 Guest Yeah, that's overtime. You're getting paid double right there.

1:05:31 Adam Hazard pay, meal penalties, the whole nine yards. You go down there for 15, 20 minutes. Then you come up for five minutes of sex. That's 20, 25 minutes, 11 in my book. And you're fine. You can be proud of that. And the chick ain't going to complain because they'd rather you go down on them anyway. Right? Thank you.

1:05:50 Drew And good night.

1:05:52 Adam And enjoy.

1:05:53 Drew Should we say our farewells?

1:05:54 Adam No, we got one more call. They're not going anywhere. Kimberly?

1:05:57 Guest Yeah?

1:05:57 Adam You're 17.

1:05:58 Caller I have a beef at this point.

1:06:00 Caller What's up?

1:06:01 Guest Well, for the last year, I've been having like relations with girls. And before that, I was like with only guys, right? And then I got curious and then like I really like the girls. And now I have a boyfriend again.

1:06:16 Caller Yeah.

1:06:18 Adam Oh, Drew's going for his wallet. Well, there may be some gambling here. Hold on a second, Kimberly. Haven't gambled in a while. You guys got a dollar? A dollar?

1:06:29 Guest What's the bet?

1:06:30 Adam Jeannie got a dollar? Yep. We do this periodically here on Loveline. We gamble on people's past. We try to figure out what brought them to where they're at today. What kind of childhood did they have? What went on to get them experimenting?

1:06:44 Guest Guys, this is a successful show. And by now, you should be betting more than a dollar. But we can go on. It's for fun. I understand.

1:06:52 Adam It started at $0.10. So we've moved up to this.

1:06:55 Drew We actually had toothpicks, remember?

1:06:56 Adam That's right. So here's the deal. Where was, who were we talking to? Kimberly?

1:07:01 Drew Yeah.

1:07:02 Adam OK, Kimberly was with guys, got bored, went to do a little experimenting, went with girls, and then went back. Did she go back and forth a little bit? Kimberly got a boyfriend now?

1:07:12 Drew Yeah.

1:07:13 Adam OK. All right, hold on a second. Do some gambling on you. We should be gambling on you, right?

1:07:19 Drew Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

1:07:20 Adam OK. All right. Drew got his Spidey Sense was tingling and went right for his wallet. So why don't you get started, Drew?

1:07:26 Drew No, no, let me finish. Let me finish.

1:07:28 Adam All right. All right. Here's how the game goes. What we bet on the past, not the present. So I'm going to go with, I just try to think of what Drew's answer is and screw him. Got contacted by a female peer at a young age. Maybe a neighbor girl came over, seven, eight years old, did a little fiddling, little experimenting. Mix that with a little bit of a broken family.

1:07:54 Drew Well, you're getting good. Okay. That's enough. We'll leave it all for them now.

1:07:58 Adam All right. Joey?

1:07:59 Guest We go counterclockwise. You got to leave it to the doctor. Okay. I'd say no, it wasn't that bad. I think she's got a decent relationship with her parents. She was just doing the high school thing and was at a party one night, and ran into a couple of other girls that have experimented. Boom, that was that. She tried it out and she lied to for a while, but she was missing the...

1:08:27 Adam So no problems. Nothing major driving her in this direction.

1:08:31 Guest No.

1:08:32 Adam Okay. That's not a bad bet. Jean?

1:08:34 Guest I'm going to go with that and I'm going to add to it that previous boyfriends like to watch porn where women were going at each other, and figure that guys love to watch that.

1:08:46 Guest Okay.

1:08:47 Guest That's an element.

1:08:48 Adam No, not bad. That's good. But no significant damage in the past, no molestation or abuse or anything like that. Just introduction to lesbian porn with the boyfriends.

1:09:01 Guest Possible parents divorced.

1:09:04 Adam Well, now you're going with parents divorced or not?

1:09:06 Guest I'm-

1:09:07 Guest It's going to wipe you out. That's fine.

1:09:10 Guest I'm going to go with parents divorced.

1:09:11 Adam All right. Not a bad bet. It's 65 percent of people that are divorced. All right, Drew, what do you think, buddy?

1:09:18 Drew There's some chaos in the home. I don't know whether it's a bunch of siblings or alcohol or something, but I don't have to go there. But sexual abuse by an older sibling's friend, male friend. Ooh, nice. Between 8 and 11, maybe even 12.

1:09:30 Guest 8 and 11, 12? And how old is she now?

1:09:33 Drew 17.

1:09:33 Adam 17. All right.

1:09:34 Guest Very good.

1:09:34 Guest I scored.

1:09:35 Adam Kimberly?

1:09:36 Guest Yeah.

1:09:37 Adam Okay. We got a lot riding on this. Now, what's up?

1:09:39 Guest Adam, I guess you're closest.

1:09:42 Adam Yeah. What happened?

1:09:44 Guest Well, my dad, I haven't seen him really since I was five. He lives in Europe. Yeah.

1:09:51 Guest But do you get along with him? I don't see him, but do you talk to him on the phone?

1:09:56 Drew What happened?

1:09:57 Guest I have a stepfather.

1:09:58 Adam Yeah.

1:09:59 Drew What did he do to you?

1:10:00 Guest Well, I was molested when I was nine.

1:10:05 Adam By stepdad?

1:10:06 Drew He's 11 here.

1:10:07 Adam Yeah. You said by friend. You don't get any money for that. Your stepfather molested you? Yeah. Any other thing happened like that?

1:10:19 Guest And when I was, like you said, when I was seven, like there was a girl and she was like my first kiss.

1:10:26 Drew Take it, take it, take it, take it.

1:10:30 Adam Come to daddy.

1:10:31 Guest Oh my god.

1:10:31 Adam I'm sorry for what happened to you, Kimberly.

1:10:34 Drew Because you guys, this never happens without that. It never happens without that history. Our culture would have you believe, oh, it's just somebody kind of screwing around.

1:10:41 Adam Who's the dumb one?

1:10:41 Drew It does not happen like that. Sexual abuse in childhood always, essentially.

1:10:46 Adam I had Kimberly call in, hey baby, you're in for a cut.

1:10:48 Guest Wow.

1:10:49 Adam I'll send you your two bucks tomorrow, right?

1:10:50 Guest Well, you know that that opens up a huge like, and obviously, you've been dealing with all your career, so you're up to it. You wouldn't say that, but the fact that you would say that someone has to be abused to go gay. Go, yeah.

1:11:07 Adam Here's the deal.

1:11:08 Drew That's not worth saying.

1:11:10 Guest No, we are a little bit. To be mixed up, I mean a little bit.

1:11:13 Drew Sexual abuse causes extreme impairment of sexual identity in adolescents, always.

1:11:18 Guest I went through the whole counseling sessions and everything, but I don't...

1:11:22 Drew You're actually doing better. That's kind of what threw us off. You're doing better than usual for what you've been through.

1:11:27 Adam Yeah, you don't sound that screwed up.

1:11:29 Drew Yeah.

1:11:29 Guest There's any resolution.

1:11:31 Drew I understand, but you are in sort of an experimental phase and you're doing substantially better than the usual young lady who's been through the kind of history that you've been through. I would say stay with that therapy a little bit to help you contain and clarify some of these things you're struggling with.

1:11:45 Guest Well, yeah, but my question was, like, because now I have a boyfriend and, like, anything that he does, it doesn't turn me on anymore, like.

1:11:53 Drew Yeah, but the trajectory you're on, what happens with the biology of the brain is when you get screwed with by an adult, sexualized prematurely, well, it actually changes the biology of your brain and it sets you on a trajectory. And that trajectory, in your case, is sort of moving along, okay? And if you don't do something to help organize things, you're likely either to turn off completely to sex or to head in a very compulsive direction. And you're sort of flip-flopping back and forth right now.

1:12:24 Adam All right. So, Kimberly.

1:12:25 Guest Yeah.

1:12:26 Adam Here's the deal. This horrible man did something to sort of scramble your radio waves a little bit when you're younger. You got some counseling and we can hear that in you. You don't sound as chaotic as many people we talk to. But you still have this energy and it's something you're going to have to contain. It's something you're going to have to fight. You can't act out on it every time.

1:12:47 Guest What do you mean by contain and not act out?

1:12:50 Adam Well, I mean her impulse is going to be for chaos. Bad relationships, chaotic relationships.

1:12:57 Drew Girls, boys, whatever.

1:12:58 Adam What's that?

1:13:00 Guest Is it wrong to be lesbian?

1:13:01 Drew No, no, no, no. We're not making judgment on it. We're just telling you what.

1:13:05 Adam Well, yeah, God thinks it's wrong, but we're not passing judgment on that.

1:13:08 Drew If you're a lesbian, great. Who wouldn't be after the history that you've been through? You know what I'm saying? But be that as it may, you're also attracted to guys. You're confused. You're sexual responses to people. You're capacitive or intimacy. All that is affected by that history. If you stay with some treatment, that might be clarified. You might be more gratified in your relationships, and you might suffer less along the road here.

1:13:31 Guest How did you see the 7-year-old, 8-year-old? I mean, how many? Does that happen a lot?

1:13:34 Drew I was the one who picked that. I picked the right age.

1:13:36 Guest No, I said 7. He said the 7-year-old, 8-year-old, the girl came over and that was like they kissed. That was amazing.

1:13:41 Drew We deal with this all the time. I said it with a good bet, though.

1:13:43 Adam Yeah. I have a certain clairvoyant streak that runs out.

1:13:47 Drew We deal with this all the time. Yeah, whatever. All the time.

1:13:50 Adam Yeah. But still, it's not like we're mechanics listening to a transmission. I mean, it does vary quite a bit. But we do. We do. I love those guys, by the way. We do have a better shot than the lay person, even though most people think of me as a lay person. So that is it. We will let you guys go upon your merry way. The Fantasticks, everyone, which is coming out this Friday. Pack up the kids and go see something that feels good. And let me just say this for a second.

1:14:23 Guest It curbs homosexuality, actually, this show.

1:14:26 Adam Yeah, go into a musical. Sure.

1:14:28 Guest Don't. No, it doesn't. We welcome homosexuals, transsexuals, bisexuals, everybody. Come on, come on.

1:14:36 Adam Let me just say this very quickly before we go to break. You know, I'm watching the TV. They're coming out with The Exorcist again. And they're coming out with the Blair Witch thing again. And now they're running this thing for Urban Myth Five. And there's a chick who's lying in a tub, a thing of ice. And she had her gallbladder removed. And I'm thinking to myself, I feel bad enough. I really do. I turn the news on. I want to kill myself. Now I got to pay eight bucks and watch some bitch who got her gallbladder removed. You know what I'm saying? Go out and see something that feels good, for Christ's sake. Go out and see some kids dancing around and having a good time. Back when we lived in a simpler time. Go out and watch that before all the trouble.

1:15:18 Guest Yeah, act like you saw the movie, actually.

1:15:21 Adam Yeah, go and enjoy it. I'm not going, but go and enjoy that. I'm going to sit home and watch Dukes of Hazzard and Masturbate, but you guys go out and watch this movie. All right, Jean, Joey, thank you very much. Thank you. We'll be back. Yeah, Loveline, Joe McIntyre, and Jean Louisa Kelly both left. The Fantasticks is the name of the movie coming out this Friday. Good night. Good night. They're a lovely couple, those two. I don't know that they're a couple, but they should be. They're really delightful, both of them. I really enjoy those two. I like to take them both camping.

1:16:30 Yes.

1:16:31 Adam You're 17?

1:16:32 Caller Yes.

1:16:32 Adam What's up?

1:16:33 Caller Hi. I had an abortion like three months ago. Yeah. I told my boyfriend that when we started going out.

1:16:41 Drew It was before you started going out with him?

1:16:43 Adam No. When did it start?

1:16:44 Caller Yeah. This was probably a month before I started going out with him.

1:16:47 Drew Okay.

1:16:47 Caller Yeah. He's actually the only one I told that I actually did that. My best friend, I told I had a miscarriage and the guy that the baby, it was his baby, I told him I had a miscarriage too because I really regret having an abortion, but I really needed to do that.

1:17:04 Caller What's your question?

1:17:05 Caller Well, my boyfriend and I have a lot of problems here and there, but I keep holding on because I'm like, wow, I told him this really big secret of mine.

1:17:16 Drew So you're keeping this relationship going just because you're worried that if you break up, he'll sort of spread this?

1:17:22 Caller Not necessarily spread it, but just like I made him a really important person because I told him this and I didn't tell anybody else. And I don't know like.

1:17:31 Drew What made you sour on this guy? Obviously you thought he was something special at one point.

1:17:35 Caller Yeah, I was hoping that I would be going out with him for a long time and I didn't want to like.

1:17:39 Drew What changed your mind?

1:17:41 Caller Just the fact that like things really weren't going well after like two months.

1:17:45 Drew What happened?

1:17:47 Caller He's like distant and he tells me like he doesn't really, like he can't, when I told him I had an abortion, he's like, oh, like you're saying it, but I don't know if I really believe it, you know?

1:17:57 Drew I tell him it didn't happen.

1:17:58 Adam Yeah.

1:17:59 Caller Well, he knows it happens because like my parents, you know, he talked about it and stuff. But I mean, I took like.

1:18:06 Adam Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Your parents? He's talked about it?

1:18:09 Drew With your parents?

1:18:10 Caller I told my parents that I told him and like they talked to him.

1:18:13 Drew Wow.

1:18:15 Caller Because I was afraid to see like wig out or something.

1:18:16 Adam Holy F. I'm so glad I wasn't there for that conversation. My little girl had an abortion. Let's not give her another one. How about going? What do you say? Yeah. I'm sure to sound fork. You got that?

1:18:36 Caller It took me like three months to realize I had had the abortion. I freaked out one night and started crying.

1:18:41 Adam That happened to me when I had surgery in my hand. I was in denial for three months.

1:18:44 Drew What do you mean it took three months to realize you had an abortion?

1:18:47 Caller Because I'm adopted and I never ever had believed in abortion.

1:18:51 Drew So three months before you allowed yourself the feelings associated with choosing that.

1:18:56 Caller When I first got my period the first time and it was really weird and I was like, why? Then I connected it with the fact that I had had an abortion.

1:19:03 Drew So you were in denial that you had an abortion.

1:19:05 Caller Pretty much.

1:19:05 Adam All right. Anne, listen to me. If you want to break up with him, do. Break up with him.

1:19:11 Drew That's right.

1:19:13 Caller I don't know.

1:19:14 Drew Look, this relationship is over, right?

1:19:16 Caller Well, it's not technically over. I mean, we fight a lot. Like he tells me he can't handle a girlfriend right now. Then he'll be like, he's like, oh, let's just try for one more week.

1:19:24 Adam All right.

1:19:25 Drew Well, then don't break up.

1:19:27 Adam It's coming. We don't care is what we're saying. It's getting near the end now.

1:19:30 Drew Always make a choice and do what you think is right. But for the relationship, not worrying about protecting yourself.

1:19:36 Adam Yes. Do it based on the relationship, not based on the secret you told him.

1:19:40 Drew Right.

1:19:41 Adam Okay. Trey.

1:19:43 Caller Yeah.

1:19:43 Adam You're 15.

1:19:44 Caller Yeah.

1:19:45 Adam What's up?

1:19:46 Caller I don't know what to call it. It's not exactly like a fetish, but whenever I go on the Internet and I look at stuff, I tend to look at the weirdest, craziest stuff there is.

1:19:57 Drew Like what?

1:19:58 Caller I look at girls with four guys on her or older women, and it's starting to freak me out because I don't want-

1:20:12 Adam Let me tell you something, Trey. Yeah. When I was 15, if I knew somebody who had a magical computer in some basement-

1:20:19 Drew A magical box. We just did a box thing.

1:20:21 Adam We wouldn't know what it was called.

1:20:22 Drew Yeah, we wouldn't call it a computer.

1:20:23 Adam We called it electric abacus back then. It was in some magical basement far, far away and they had a picture of these four guys on top of this one chick. I would have begged them to take a piece of tracing paper and put it up against the screen and just take a pencil and go around the silhouette of it and send it to me.

1:20:43 Drew Are you going to set up a cot in there and not left? Right? In that room with the magic screen?

1:20:48 Adam No. See, this is predicated on me not having access to the magic. You see what the trace is?

1:20:52 Drew I see. If there was a magic screen that somebody had access to.

1:20:55 Adam You got to listen to the beginning part of the story, Trey. Hi, Trey?

1:20:58 Guest Yeah.

1:21:00 Adam What were we talking about?

1:21:01 Drew Magic screen.

1:21:01 Adam Turbulence. Trey?

1:21:03 Guest Yeah.

1:21:03 Adam Yeah, that's fine. Are you curious? You're 15, you're a little warped.

1:21:07 Caller I don't want to do this.

1:21:08 Drew Let me ask you this. Are you pretty aggressive guy? What do you mean? I don't know. Do you have a lot of difficulty with anger or aggression?

1:21:16 Caller Not really.

1:21:18 Adam Listen, here's the deal. You do a lot of things when you're young that you can't help but do. As you get older, you realize some things aren't for you. For instance, there was a time where if you said to me, hey, I got a film of this chicken run over by a train, I'd be like, cool, let's see it. When I was 19, I want to take a look at it. Now that I'm 36, I'm one foot in the grave, and I'm basically just going home waiting to die. If you said to me, I got a film of this chicken run over by a train, I'd say, I don't want to see it. Not interested. You know what I'm saying? It's something that goes.

1:21:57 Drew That or also with this, maybe he's developing some preferences that are disturbing to him, but as he gets older, he learns to sort of accept them.

1:22:03 Adam And understands that when he walks away from the computer, he feels worse than he did when he walked to the computer. Sometimes you got to make that walk several hundred times before it sinks in. He's bringing it up, so he's at the cusp of something.

1:22:19 Drew He's shaping his life.

1:22:21 Adam Just stay with it. Listen, everybody. It takes a long time to figure this out, but you don't have to do everything you feel like doing impulsively. Just stay home. Stay home and wait to die. You got some cable? Relax. You can do what I do. All right. Neil?

1:22:36 Caller Yeah.

1:22:38 Adam You know, I was reading something that I was quoted in recently, my life philosophy. I don't know if I forgot what it was, but I just remembered it because I read it somewhere. It is figure out exactly what you want to do in life and then take a nap. That's pretty good, right?

1:22:57 Drew You shaved it down. It used to be masturbate, then take a nap.

1:23:00 Adam Right. Yeah. Yeah. It's true. It must have been for a more upscale newspaper or something. Neil?

1:23:06 Caller Yeah.

1:23:07 Adam What's up?

1:23:07 Caller Okay. I take a Trasadone. I got this prescribed Trasadone for sleeping. And the reason I'm calling is I started skydiving lessons. And I read on the Internet that Trasadone can cause fainting when you stand up.

1:23:21 Drew Yep.

1:23:22 Caller And I'm wondering if it causes fainting when you fall down.

1:23:26 Drew Well, the fainting is from something called postural hypotension, which is your blood pressure doesn't respond quickly to regaining upright posture.

1:23:34 Caller Okay.

1:23:35 Drew And God only knows the kind of weird stuff your body goes through when it's falling. So I would discuss that carefully with the doctor. I would think you wouldn't want to be scuba diving or skydiving on medications like this. And I would think that anybody that takes you up there would have those sorts of parameters already spelled out for you.

1:23:52 Adam Oh, those guys are high anyway. They're high school dropouts. They're looking to make a buck.

1:23:57 Drew Okay.

1:23:57 Caller Yeah. So...

1:23:58 Adam Hey, Loveline, how's this Trasadone? Is that good?

1:24:01 Drew It's a sleep medicine.

1:24:02 Caller It'll knock you out.

1:24:03 Drew That's the one I wanted to give you.

1:24:04 Adam Knock me out?

1:24:04 Drew Yeah.

1:24:05 Caller And that's... Can I ask one more question?

1:24:06 Caller Yeah.

1:24:08 Caller Now, they prescribed it. When they prescribed it to me on the bottle, it says daily, but I don't take it daily. I only take it when I need it.

1:24:14 Drew What's the dose?

1:24:16 Caller Let's see. I think 150 milligrams.

1:24:19 Drew Yeah. You're really supposed to...

1:24:20 Caller I start off on 50 and then they jack me up.

1:24:22 Drew Yeah. You're really supposed to take it every day.

1:24:24 Adam Yeah.

1:24:24 Drew You are. To make it work.

1:24:26 Adam Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Let me write this down. Why every day? To get you on a cycle?

1:24:30 Drew Because, yeah, and it also has a antidepressant property to it. It's not just a sleep medicine.

1:24:36 Adam You tell me this thing tastes like beer and I'm going to strangle you. I want some of this stuff.

1:24:40 Drew I've been talking about it for a long time. I get a little hangover, though. I get drowsy in the morning.

1:24:44 Adam That's nothing. Well, wait a second.

1:24:47 Drew Keep your priapism.

1:24:49 Adam Permanent erection? Nice. So let me get this straight. You get a little buzz when you stand up. You got to take it every day.

1:24:57 Drew Yeah.

1:24:58 Adam Knocks you out. Permanent boner.

1:25:00 Drew And mood elevator. Any erection that will not go away.

1:25:04 Adam Make you a little taller, too? I mean, what the hell does this drug do? Give me some of this. But wait a minute. How come you got to do it every day?

1:25:15 Drew It just works better that way. It's really not a medicine designed to be taken occasionally as needed. If you're using that strategy to helping somebody with sleep.

1:25:23 Adam But you do it every day for like two weeks, and then you get off, right?

1:25:26 Drew No, it's a regular thing.

1:25:28 Adam Do it every day for the rest of your life?

1:25:29 Drew Six months.

1:25:30 Adam No, I've seen the commercials and stuff on TV.

1:25:34 Drew For trazadone?

1:25:36 Adam Oh, whatever. I don't know if it was Robitonis and trazadone or Vicks 44.

1:25:40 Drew It's not a sleep medicine.

1:25:41 Adam I've seen the medicine, the genre of the medicine commercials, and they always say, just take a couple of weeks. That's why I'd be a great doctor. I swear, OK, we're going to argue off the air about this, all right? When we come back, we'll speak to Jay. He can only reach an orgasm during sex if he's watching pornography. Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy after this.

1:26:35 Drew That's the point. You got to treat it chronically.

1:26:37 Adam All right. Well, I'm going to get myself some of that. There we go.

1:26:44 Caller Yeah.

1:26:46 Adam You're 23. What's up?

1:26:48 Caller Yeah. Well, every time I get with a woman, I can't get off unless there's some pornography on, something I can either read like while I'm banging her or something I can see on the TV. I mean, I get off just fine by myself, but when there's a woman involved, I ain't gay or nothing like that. I like women.

1:27:03 Drew As you said, Adam, it's nice, but it's not the real thing.

1:27:06 Adam Yeah. Sex, right. Something you can read?

1:27:11 Caller Well, those little sex books or whatever.

1:27:14 Adam Yeah. How are you reading while you're banging?

1:27:16 Caller I got fast eyes, yo.

1:27:18 Adam Yo.

1:27:20 Caller But I mean, I don't know. I think there's like, is there some problem with me or something?

1:27:23 Drew Yes.

1:27:23 Caller That I can't, a woman just ain't enough or something?

1:27:26 Adam Well, there's a couple of combinations here, Jay. One is, maybe you haven't met the right woman. And number two, it doesn't sound like you're getting into a groove with one chick. Sounds like you're bouncing around.

1:27:40 Drew Well, it isn't like you have a relationship. The woman is not even an object.

1:27:43 Caller No. I mean, well, you know, it's like one of those things. I go out to a club, I find one, you know, it's just not enough for her to be her, you know. I got to see some, you know, like lesbian action on the TV or something.

1:27:50 Drew I understand.

1:27:52 Adam Thanks for ruining it for all us guys, by the way. This is the reason I don't get laid, by the way, because guys like Jay. All right, listen, Jay, get in a relationship, settle down a little, find your focus and you'll be fine. Jesus Christ. Oh, I hate guys like Jay. You ever hang out with a guy like Jay? No. No, me neither, but once in a while, some idiot brings a guy like Jay around when you're trying to hang out. There's nothing worse than that. You know the worst thing a guy can do to another guy that's happened to me a few times? He set up a big card game, Boys Night Out kind of card game kind of thing. One guy brings his jerk off buddy and this guy's cracking jokes and being an idiot the whole time.

1:28:33 Drew Ruins the whole night.

1:28:34 Adam It ruined. It is. One guy. Morris?

1:28:40 Yeah.

1:28:40 Adam You're 14.

1:28:41 Caller Yeah.

1:28:42 Adam What's up?

1:28:43 Caller Anyways, I just wanted to say you guys rock.

1:28:46 Adam Thank you.

1:28:47 Caller And like, I masturbate 10 to 20 times a week.

1:28:52 Drew A week. Okay. Right in the Corolla range.

1:28:54 Caller Yeah. So anyways, and I just wanted to say like that I wanted to know when my dick was going to stop growing because like I'm going through puberty right now or I'm starting.

1:29:05 Drew It'll stop when you're about 21.

1:29:08 Adam Yeah. Here's the good news. It's going to grow for a full seven years. Okay. The bad news is it's going to grow three 30 seconds of an inch between now and 2007. All right.

1:29:22 Drew Morris is going in a weird direction here. You hear where he's going?

1:29:25 Adam I don't know where he's going.

1:29:26 Drew It's too big now.

1:29:28 Adam It is? It is? Okay.

1:29:29 Drew You can talk in his voice, can't you?

1:29:30 Adam Morris, is it too big now? No.

1:29:34 Caller It just grew an inch over summer, which is really weird.

1:29:38 Adam Yeah. An inch over summer. Wouldn't that be great? Hey, you want to hear something funny, Morris?

1:29:45 Caller What?

1:29:46 Adam I'd pay 50 grand for my dick to grow an inch over summer. $50,000. Do you hear me?

1:29:51 Caller Okay.

1:29:52 Adam Okay. I don't care who wanted it. I'd give it to the Hitler Youth Fund. One inch and 25 grand for a half inch or 75 for an inch and a half. But if we got to two inches, I'd go three-quarters of a million dollars. It pops up. It jumps up big. See what I'm saying, Drew?

1:30:10 Drew Yeah.

1:30:11 Adam Okay. Morris? Yeah. You're fine, buddy. One inch, huh? You measured it at the beginning of the summer?

1:30:18 Caller Well, I measure it all the time.

1:30:20 Adam Yeah.

1:30:20 Drew Chronic like this.

1:30:22 Caller Third grade.

1:30:23 Adam Do you have one of those?

1:30:24 Drew When did you start? Wait a minute. How old were you when you started?

1:30:27 Caller Masterbating or measuring.

1:30:28 Drew No, measuring.

1:30:28 Caller Measuring?

1:30:29 Drew Yeah.

1:30:30 Caller I don't know. Like right after preschool.

1:30:32 Drew Oh, come on.

1:30:33 Adam Oh, please. Go check the door jam because there will be a little line that says, Morris, 1990, Morris, 1994. Remember those things, Drew?

1:30:44 Drew We've got those.

1:30:45 Adam You got them, right? Every kid does that?

1:30:46 Drew We have a big ruler on our wall.

1:30:48 Adam Right.

1:30:48 Drew The kids marks that.

1:30:50 Adam Yeah.

1:30:52 Drew Just after preschool. How dare you?

1:30:54 Adam Yeah. My parents kind of dropped the ball on that one. There was Adam at three foot one in 1969. Adam at 83. Adam at six foot two in 1987. They just missed a couple of years in between there. I think my dad went back, sort of did some rough estimating and put a few lines in there. Robert?

1:31:20 Yes. Hello.

1:31:20 Adam You're 18.

1:31:21 Caller Yes, I am. I was wondering if I put Rogaine on my face, will it help me grow facial hair?

1:31:27 Drew Isn't that interesting?

1:31:28 Adam Yeah.

1:31:28 Drew That's an interesting question. I don't know the answer to that. It makes some sense to me that it would, although I only know that it's documented to grow hair on the head.

1:31:37 Adam But also, doesn't it sort of prevent loss of hair more than stimulate growth?

1:31:42 Drew Yes.

1:31:44 Adam You want to grow a beard?

1:31:45 Caller Yeah, definitely.

1:31:46 Adam Why? You're hiding out from the law?

1:31:47 Caller I don't know, because I have body hair all over me, but it's like God just blessed me with no facial hair for some reason.

1:31:54 Adam Interesting. Then hair all over, huh?

1:31:56 Caller Like my back, my arms, my neck. I can grow some long sideburns, but when it comes to the upper lip and my cheeks and stuff, no beard.

1:32:04 Adam Yeah. Well, what's your nationality?

1:32:07 Caller I'm half Japanese and black.

1:32:09 Drew Japanese.

1:32:10 Adam Yeah. Well, wait a minute, but the black isn't hairy either. You got screwed.

1:32:16 Caller I know.

1:32:17 Adam Yeah. You got a Japanese upper lip and black forearms. It's weird when black guys get hairy. You see them every once in a while. You ever see a black guy with big eyebrows like mine? No. It's always a little disconcerting. Once in a while, you'll see a black dude with big bushy eyebrows. It's always a little funky. It's weird. Hi, Robert. Yeah. Yeah, you're fine. Listen, here's the thing. You're 18 and your beard will come in much more. 20, 21, 25. As the years wear on, it'll come in. Drew, I know you're not Burl Ives over there.

1:32:53 Drew Yeah.

1:32:54 Adam But even you.

1:32:55 Drew It comes in later.

1:32:56 Adam It comes, it comes. And it keeps coming and it keeps moving down.

1:32:58 Drew Yeah.

1:32:59 Adam My beard is trying to connect with my crotch. It cut a deal.

1:33:05 Drew Taking the rear approach?

1:33:08 Adam My ass is trying to connect with my hairline and back, and my beard is moving down my neck, trying to connect with my balls. Now, for years, my chest wouldn't hear of it. It was not going to let it cross paths. Now, they cut a deal. It's a demilitarized zone, my chest, but they cut a deal.

1:33:27 Drew There's a swath there now.

1:33:28 Adam And now they're going to let them go, go past. All right, Burl, we're going to take ourselves a little break. We'll be back.

1:33:34 Caller Hello, this is your radio. Loveline will be ready.

1:34:18 Drew You can't be objective about it, you won't see it, especially you.

1:34:20 Adam What do you mean? I know when I'm spinning out. How dare you?

1:34:23 Drew You're spinning out.

1:34:24 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:34:25 Caller Hey, it's Loveline.

1:34:27 Adam Hey, blah, blah, blah. All right, that's it, everybody. Yeah, I thank Joey McIntyre and Jean Louisa Kelly for coming in here. The Fantasticks, everyone. Fantastic.

1:34:37 Drew Elisa Donovan tomorrow.

1:34:38 Adam Elisa Donovan. She's coming in tomorrow?

1:34:40 Drew I haven't seen her in a couple of years.

1:34:41 Adam Good. What's she plugging? Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

1:34:46 Drew Oh, she's back on Sabrina. Or she's now on Sabrina.

1:34:48 Adam Yeah, she was never on Sabrina.

1:34:49 Drew She was on Clueless.

1:34:50 Adam She was on Clueless and now she's on Sabrina. All right, should we just end the show?

1:34:53 Drew Let's do it.

1:34:54 Adam All right, so until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:58 Caller I'm Drunker in a Skunk.

1:35:00 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, September 19, 2000