Episode 1000754886982

6:36 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline, Coast to Coast.

6:47 Adam Hey, hey, hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, it's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Hey there, Drew.

7:03 Drew Hey, what's going on?

7:05 Adam Elisa Donovan is our guest tonight. You know her from, let's see, probably Beverly Hills 90210, at least at the beginning and Clueless and Night at the Roxbury. Now, Sabrina, the teenage witch, which is switched over from ABC to the www, www, www, www, www. That's right. Yeah. And now, now Sabrina's, is she off at, she's off at college now?

7:33 Elisa Donovan Yes, she is. She goes to college and that's where I come into the picture. Oh, you know what? That's my phone.

7:41 Adam Yeah.

7:42 Elisa Donovan You know what? I'm having a weird experience right now because I'm feeling like the last time I came here, which was so long ago, that my phone rang then, too.

7:49 Oh, really?

7:49 And I'm starting to feel like...

7:51 Adam Hey, if it's someone telling you, you're on the radio, I want to talk to them.

7:53 There's something really weird happening.

7:55 All right. Well, let me just turn that off.

7:57 Adam Yeah. You do that. Hey, Danielle, dim the light, would you? It's a little harsh in here. As you know, I like to wind down. Drew usually...

8:09 Drew Dunwound.

8:10 Adam Drew's unwound and likes to nod off by 11 o'clock. WB, all right, so give me all the particulars. No, wait a minute, because I know, you know, I was always a huge fan of the TGI Friday. Not because I liked any of the shows on it.

8:26 Elisa Donovan You're saying so much about yourself.

8:28 Drew How's the time made to feel?

8:29 Adam No, here's... There's a couple of things.

8:31 You know what the average age viewer of that is?

8:34 Adam 11, and that's in the retarded kid category. For the regular kid, it's down to 7 or 8. Well, listen, here is my deal. I cannot watch primetime TV, for the most part, or feel like I'm gypped because I'm always coming here to work.

8:51 Elisa Donovan Right, right.

8:52 Adam But Friday nights, I'm home, and so I'm watching... Well, that's perfect. Whatever's on TV from 8 o'clock to 10.30 is what I'm going to watch because I've missed it.

9:03 Elisa Donovan Well, this is ideal then.

9:04 Adam I don't care if I don't like the shows. That's my point. I don't care if the shows weren't made for me. I'm sitting there watching Boy Meets World and Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

9:13 Elisa Donovan Well, now when you watch Sabrina, the other shows that follow are great shows. Another new show called Gross Point.

9:24 Oh, boy.

9:25 Adam That's all right. It's only two nights in a row somewhere. Gross Point is on. Yeah. Well, anyway, everyone watch Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Wait. All right. So you just, let's see, we'll get a scratch pad for Elisa to use because I got to ask her some questions.

9:43 Drew Morse code. Have her tap it out for you.

9:45 Adam Now, you just yell it to me and I'll repeat it into my mic. ABC has dropped the TGI lineup, right? Yes. And that started, when did that start? It hasn't started yet, has it?

10:00 Elisa Donovan What?

10:01 Adam They're dropping of the TGI lineup. No, it hasn't.

10:05 Elisa Donovan No, it has stopped.

10:06 Adam It has stopped. Okay. When did Sabrina switch to WB?

10:10 Elisa Donovan This season.

10:11 Drew This season.

10:12 This Friday night is the first of the year.

10:14 Elisa Donovan Right.

10:15 Adam Okay. I just want to make sure I wasn't missing anything.

10:17 Elisa Donovan Yeah, this Friday night at 8 o'clock, the 22nd is the premiere episode for this season.

10:21 Adam Right. And now Sabrina's...

10:23 Elisa Donovan On the WB.

10:23 Adam Sabrina's off at college.

10:25 Elisa Donovan Yes. She goes to college, she moves away from the Ants, and I play the resident advisor in the university house that she moves into.

10:32 Adam Right.

10:33 Elisa Donovan And we go to school together, and it's really, really funny.

10:38 Adam Drew throws the RA term out quite liberally on this show.

10:42 Elisa Donovan Oh, you do?

10:43 Adam Yes.

10:43 Drew Not on the show, it's when we speak in colleges.

10:45 Adam And you've mentioned it on this show. Why don't you talk to your RA? And for me...

10:49 Elisa Donovan Oh, see, I don't think you'd want to be talking to me, to Morgan, to my character.

10:55 Adam But, yeah, you're filling a...

10:57 Elisa Donovan She's very incompetent.

10:58 Adam Sinbad's big shoes from the real world. No, what was that show? New World. What was that one?

11:06 Elisa Donovan Oh, A Different World.

11:06 Adam A Different World. There we go.

11:08 Elisa Donovan I loved that show.

11:09 Adam I know. No one else did, though.

11:10 Drew It was right in the sweet spot, though.

11:12 Adam All right. Enjoy it while you can, though, because whenever they go off to college, it's a kiss of death. You realize you've got about three more episodes, so save that money. No, no, no.

11:22 Elisa Donovan See, the good thing is because it's a new network, it's a whole new feeling to show, so it's kind of like it's kismet in a way. You know, everything happened at the right time.

11:32 Adam Okay.

11:33 Elisa Donovan It's breathing new life into the show.

11:35 Adam And because it's on the WB, is she going to say like, kiss my black ass and stuff like that?

11:40 Elisa Donovan No, it's definitely skewed a little bit older.

11:43 Adam They're going to funk it up a little?

11:45 Elisa Donovan The young audience will still appreciate it and be able to watch it, but it is getting a little bit edgier and a little bit older. Like for instance, I go to the movies, you know, in lace pants. Right. Very good.

12:00 A little half shirt.

12:01 Adam And the voice of the cat is going to be done by Mac 10 now. They got rid of the Jewish kid.

12:07 Whoever did that voice.

12:09 Adam Okay.

12:10 Elisa Donovan Now the cat is back.

12:11 Adam April, you bring the cat with you? I mean, does Sabrina bring the cat with her to the door?

12:16 Elisa Donovan She doesn't want to, but the cat keeps showing up.

12:18 Drew So it's a warlock, would expect.

12:19 Elisa Donovan Yeah.

12:20 Adam April?

12:21 Yeah.

12:21 Adam You're 16. What's up?

12:23 Caller Well, I have a girlfriend, because I'm, like, bi. And, like, we're keeping it from our families as a secret. And I don't know whether we should, like, tell our families or not, because our families are, like, really, really close.

12:36 Drew I think this is a girl talking.

12:38 Adam Is this April the guy, the girl?

12:44 Caller Yeah.

12:45 Adam This is April the young lady?

12:47 Caller Yeah.

12:47 Adam Yeah. Oh, I see. You're a lesbian.

12:50 Caller Yeah.

12:51 Adam All right. I'm sorry. Because you sounded a little like a teenage boy that sounded like a girl.

12:56 Drew Sixteen.

12:57 Elisa Donovan Sounds older than that, no?

12:59 Drew Like, yeah, the couple of tours of duty in NAMM.

13:02 Adam Do you smoke, April?

13:04 Yeah.

13:05 Adam Yeah.

13:05 Wow.

13:05 Drew You've been smoking for years. At 16. Imagine that. Yeah. No kidding.

13:10 Caller I was like six.

13:12 Adam Yeah. See, I'm not going to let my... My feeling on smoking with my kids is when they're eight or ten and old enough to make a responsible, informed decision, then that's their business.

13:21 Drew They can roll their own cigarettes, right?

13:22 Adam Yeah, they roll their own. But at six, no way. No way they smoke it. Hey, April?

13:28 Caller Yeah.

13:28 Adam What happened to you? Has someone did something horrible to you?

13:31 Caller No.

13:32 Adam Come on.

13:33 Caller No.

13:33 Adam Start smoking when you're six, lesbian? Come on.

13:37 Drew Nobody beat you or hit you?

13:38 Caller No, it's because I threatened my brother. If he didn't let me smoke, I would tell my mom.

13:43 Drew No one hit you?

13:44 Caller Huh?

13:44 Drew No one hit you?

13:46 Caller No.

13:46 Adam All right. Well, here's- I don't believe it either.

13:50 Drew Oh boy, she smoked pot, too.

13:52 Adam You smoke a lot of weed, April?

13:54 Caller No.

13:55 Adam Seriously? Yeah, you do, right?

13:58 Caller Not me.

13:58 Adam OK. OK.

14:00 Drew If you're not going to answer questions, we're not going to talk.

14:01 Adam Hey, April?

14:02 Caller Yeah.

14:02 Adam OK. I'll just put you on hold for a long period of time. Hey, listen to me.

14:08 Elisa Donovan Wow, there is power in that little button there.

14:10 Adam I wish I had one for everyone in life. Yeah, I really do.

14:13 Drew A lot for the world, right?

14:14 Adam Oh my God. I would use it.

14:16 Elisa Donovan Sorry, I'm going to have to put you on hold there.

14:18 Adam I would have corporal tunnel syndrome in my hand from pressing that button at least 150 times a day. That button would be like for me, it'd be like the cell phone. You know when you get your cell phone bill and you think, jeez, how many minutes did I talk last month? Then you go, let's see, I talked to Rick for 20 minutes, that was on the third, 40 minutes, 40 minutes, 780 minutes, and you're like, holy Christ, are you kidding? The phone must have been left on or someone stole it. Someone must have stole it while I was asleep.

14:46 Elisa Donovan I've never had a cell phone bill that has been less than 700 minutes.

14:51 Adam It's crazy. But if you were to estimate-

14:53 Elisa Donovan I can't explain it.

14:54 Adam If you were to estimate-

14:55 Elisa Donovan I would say two hours.

14:58 Adam Yeah, and that would be-

14:59 Elisa Donovan You'd be covered.

15:01 Adam That would be padded. All right. So I'm going to put that. That's what would happen with that button. I'd use it 700 times a day. So April can just sit on hold for a second. And let me just say something to all the ladies out there. And not so much the guys on this one, but the ladies. I knew of women who I went to grade school with, junior high with, and then the high school with. Some of them were the most popular and the most beautiful in the 6th, 7th, 8th grade. And were actually sort of spent, burnt out and over the hill by the 11th grade. I mean, too much hard living, too many boys, too much drinking. The notion of being 16, 17 years old, and guys don't do this. And I don't mean to sound gender, like a genderist. Is that mean?

15:52 Drew Gender biased.

15:53 Adam Gender biased. But the point is is, guys are somehow more elastic this way.

15:57 Drew There's no version of this male.

15:59 Adam I knew women that looked like they were 40. 40 and rode hard and put away wet at 17 years old. And I'm telling you, April over here at 16, started smoking at six, smokes a decent amount of weed. I'm sure she drinks a little. And you can hear it in her voice. She's 16 and already sounds spent. And I got to tell you, that ain't a good, that's like pulling a car off the lot and pulling in your driveway and it has 100,000 miles on it. That's not a good sign.

16:29 Elisa Donovan But the thing is nobody's telling, you know, clearly.

16:32 Adam I'm telling her right now.

16:33 Elisa Donovan Nobody's telling these people, well, that's a good thing.

16:35 Adam April, I know everything's funny because you're 16 and you don't give a damn. But I'm telling you, you got to straighten out a little bit. Do you hear me?

16:43 Caller You are saying I do stuff that I don't even do?

16:47 Adam That's right. That's right, babe. All right, so you're a lesbian, right? And how did you become a lesbian again?

16:55 Caller I just, I don't know, I just, I've known it for a long time.

16:59 Adam Where's your dad?

17:01 Caller He's in prison.

17:02 Adam That's now we're getting somewhere. All right, here's the good news. The good news is you're not going to get pregnant, right?

17:09 Caller Exactly.

17:10 Drew That is good news.

17:10 Adam But you probably been, have you been pregnant before?

17:13 Caller I have a baby.

17:14 Adam I knew it.

17:15 Caller I knew it.

17:17 Adam I knew it. Listen. It kills me. All right. But here's the deal. We got a 16-year-old lesbian, and I knew that she'd been pregnant before. Now, what are the chances of someone who's 16 just to being pregnant before, and what are the chances of a 16-year-old lesbian to being pregnant before? But I can hear that white trash in that voice, and I knew daddy was in prison, and I knew it. I knew she had a kid. Oh, April. Come on, baby. You want to end up like your dad?

17:46 Caller Yeah, right.

17:47 Adam What are you doing with this kid?

17:49 Caller Uh, they're calling them busted.

17:52 Drew Who's taking care of the child?

17:53 Caller Me.

17:54 Drew Oh, please.

17:55 Adam Really?

17:56 Caller Yeah.

17:57 Drew No, a hamster.

17:58 Caller I have like three jobs.

18:00 Adam You got three jobs?

18:01 Elisa Donovan So you're obviously not in school. You just quit school.

18:05 Caller Not by choice.

18:06 Adam Yeah, but that's fine. OK, listen, you don't need school. I didn't need school, Leo. Look, I'm literally a millionaire now. I get paid to make fun of people.

18:13 Elisa Donovan Yes, you do. You need school.

18:14 Adam All right, listen, April. I don't care what your question is. You got to focus on the kid of yours. Is it a boy or a girl?

18:22 Elisa Donovan A girl.

18:23 Adam Oh, good. That's good. OK, I'll be shocked if she's not pregnant by 14 and a half. But you make it your life's work not to have what happened to you happen to her.

18:36 Drew What do you mean you kill her?

18:38 Caller She ain't having no kid.

18:39 Drew All right, that's good. No one ever raised a hand to you? No.

18:44 Adam What's your dad in prison for?

18:47 Caller He's in prison for trafficking controlled substance.

18:51 Adam OK.

18:52 Drew There's no way she wasn't beaten roundly.

18:56 Elisa Donovan But also, she said she doesn't do any drugs.

18:58 Drew Of course she does.

19:00 Adam April, come on, come on, mama. You got to be a good mama now, right?

19:04 Caller I am a good mom. I take care of my kid.

19:06 Adam OK. Where are you living? At home?

19:08 Caller No, I have my own place.

19:10 Adam I see. All right. Hey, April, I'm sorry for what's happened to you so far in your life, but don't exacerbate things and make things worse and take care of your kid, please.

19:19 Elisa Donovan Wait, but wasn't her original question whether or not she should tell somebody she is a lesbian?

19:25 Drew It's all...

19:25 Elisa Donovan Lord, yeah.

19:27 Adam Who cares?

19:30 Drew Rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

19:32 Elisa Donovan Yeah, exactly. So people call in a lot and have some question, which is just some sort of a cover.

19:39 Drew Right.

19:39 Elisa Donovan I mean, it's just fluff and they basically want you to get to the root of the problem.

19:42 Drew No, they don't want us to. We just do it.

19:44 Elisa Donovan But how? Wow.

19:46 Adam Well, she didn't volunteer any of that information.

19:48 Elisa Donovan We're really predictable beings, aren't we?

19:49 Adam Oh, yes. Very. Very. Yes. She's 16 and a lesbian and I felt very strongly she had a kid or was pregnant. Now, what the hell is that?

19:58 Elisa Donovan The accent? That's why. That's what made me think.

20:01 Adam I asked where her dad was because I knew there was something up with that too. Yeah, it's very predictable. Marcel? Sadly predictable.

20:08 Hello?

20:09 Adam You're 16. What's up?

20:10 Caller Oh yeah. Hey, what's up? Yeah, I've been going to the... For like a couple years now I've been having pain in my ass. Like when I go...

20:19 Adam Oh, listen.

20:20 Drew He apologized.

20:22 Adam No, no. I'm putting you on hold for that, you idiot. Listen.

20:27 Caller Maybe he really did, though.

20:30 Elisa Donovan See, I'm such a sucker. I don't think I could do this show every night because I would really want to like...

20:35 Adam No, I believe him. I believe him. I'm just punishing him for using the S-word.

20:40 Elisa Donovan Oh, I see.

20:40 Drew At least he didn't notice that.

20:41 Elisa Donovan I get you.

20:42 Caller Oh, I know.

20:42 Adam I didn't.

20:42 Caller It just went right over my head.

20:45 Adam You're going to be disciplined too, young lady. Okay.

20:49 Drew She's going to get the hold button.

20:50 Adam Let's get the show back on track.

20:52 Oh, no.

20:53 Adam Brad?

20:54 Yeah?

20:54 Adam You're 16?

20:55 Caller Yeah, I got a problem.

20:56 Adam All right.

20:57 Caller I'm going to college and there's this girl that I know she likes me, and I kind of feel bad about... I haven't had sex with her yet, but I know I can, and I kind of feel bad about doing it. I'm not sure if I should, and I want your opinion on it.

21:14 Adam She's going to college or you're going to college?

21:16 Caller No, I am.

21:17 Drew Well, you haven't asked us a question yet.

21:19 Caller Yeah, I'm going to college and there's this girl that I know likes me.

21:23 Elisa Donovan In college as well?

21:24 Drew Yeah, yeah.

21:28 Elisa Donovan You know what he's saying? He's saying that there's a girl who he doesn't think is attractive. He doesn't really like it anyway, but knows that has a crush on him and he can sleep with her.

21:36 Caller Yeah, yeah, yeah.

21:37 Drew He likes her?

21:37 Caller I like her, yeah.

21:38 Drew I like this girl. Should I sleep with her?

21:40 Caller Yeah, I just feel bad about it because she doesn't know I'm so young. I'm only 16.

21:46 Adam So you're going to college, meaning you're currently attending college at 16.

21:50 Caller I'm sorry, yeah.

21:52 Adam That's all right. She attends the same college?

21:54 Caller Yeah.

21:55 Adam Regular college? Junior college. Well, who cares? She's not going anywhere. So you can tell her whatever you want. It doesn't matter. All right.

22:03 Caller Thanks a lot, man.

22:04 Adam She'll be glad. Brad, what are you in junior college so early for?

22:09 Caller Because I want to go to college early.

22:11 Drew People don't go to junior college early.

22:13 Adam No, they do when they get thrown out of high school.

22:17 Caller No, I just don't want to go to regular college right now and be 16. I don't want to move out of the house yet.

22:22 Adam I see.

22:23 Caller I'm going to a different college far away from home.

22:25 Drew Where are you going?

22:26 Caller Humboldt and then Berkeley Law.

22:29 Adam You're going to go to Humboldt after you get out of the junior college.

22:32 Drew Yeah.

22:32 Caller When I turn 18, I'm going to go to Humboldt and I want to go to Berkeley Law.

22:35 Adam Then you think you're going to get to Berkeley from Humboldt? No way. You're going to open a bong shop.

22:40 What are you talking about?

22:41 Adam I know what goes on. Don't worry.

22:43 The most liberal colleges there are.

22:44 Caller That's the point.

22:45 Drew They're perfect for each other. No.

22:47 Caller Why not?

22:48 Adam Really? That's my point. You're going to go to Humboldt. You're going to open a bong shop. You're going to wear thong shoes.

22:57 Drew Go look at the makeup of the Bolt Law School class and see where the students come from.

23:02 Adam Here's my point. Don't worry. Brad, you'll be happy. Don't worry. You will be happy.

23:07 Drew He does smoke pot.

23:08 Caller That is true.

23:09 Adam He smoked a fair amount of weed, Brad?

23:11 Caller Yeah. He's already on his way.

23:14 Adam Oh, you're going to be great in Humboldt.

23:16 Caller You can tell by the laugh.

23:16 Drew You can tell by the laugh.

23:20 All I need is a tasty way to cool buzz, and I'm fine.

23:25 Adam Yeah, that's good. All right, Brad, have sex with her. Have fun.

23:30 Drew He might as well stop. Just sort of get off the bus at Humboldt and just stay. He'll be fine.

23:36 Adam He'll be happy.

23:36 Elisa Donovan One way ticket.

23:37 Adam He'll be happy.

23:38 Drew Until the pot depression kicks in.

23:40 Caller That's about 10 years away.

23:42 Drew Oh, Elise, got something to tell us?

23:44 Elisa Donovan No, I just feel like I-

23:46 Drew Marijuana depression.

23:47 Elisa Donovan I wish everybody would just stop smoking pot.

23:50 Adam Really?

23:50 Elisa Donovan Why? Because it bores me to tears, number one, and it just is frying every single person's brain.

23:58 Adam Yeah, it does take the edge off you a little bit.

24:02 Elisa Donovan Oh, man.

24:02 Adam But that's good.

24:03 Caller It's just-

24:04 Adam I like that.

24:05 Elisa Donovan Oh, God, I don't like that.

24:07 Adam What do you want? A bunch of smart people running around beating you up?

24:10 Elisa Donovan At least people with a heartbeat, you know? I mean, it's just- I think it's just really sad.

24:16 Adam No, I like it because it sort of thins the hurt out a little, makes it easier for us to get around.

24:20 Elisa Donovan You know what I mean?

24:21 Caller Well, it definitely thins the hurt.

24:23 Adam Because it's all relative. You now seem smarter.

24:27 Caller And it's all-

24:28 Drew Well, it also siphons people out, it siphons alcoholics away from alcohol.

24:34 Adam Yeah. And if they were drunk, they'd be fighting and running red lights.

24:38 Elisa Donovan So it's just the lesser of two evils, I suppose.

24:40 Adam Oh, listen, I like a stone society.

24:43 Elisa Donovan You know, I'm not saying that I'm a perfect person by any means, you know, but it's all kind of a balanced thing.

24:52 Adam That's right. And that is the thing with pot, which is everyone I know who smokes a ton of it says, they don't have a problem with it, they just can't quit. Stefan.

25:04 How you doing?

25:05 Adam And then they add, then they add, they don't want to quit after that. Stefan, you're 18.

25:11 Caller Yeah. How you doing, Adam?

25:13 Adam Good.

25:13 Caller I want to say, first off, I'm totally with you on that shotgun idea.

25:17 Adam Yeah.

25:18 Caller With the blank and the sand pellet or whatever.

25:22 Adam No, rock salt.

25:23 Caller Yeah, rock salt. There you go.

25:25 Adam Yeah. I think it bears repeating because it's always bad radio when we talk about something that no one else knows what we're talking about. We had a security expert on the show a couple of nights back, and I've always wanted a gun in the house for protection, but I always knew that I would kill myself with this gun.

25:43 Elisa Donovan You mean accidentally, like you would somehow, or you would-

25:46 Adam I might get drunk and kill myself.

25:48 Elisa Donovan Oh dear.

25:49 Adam Or it could happen. Or I'd trip running with the gun and kill myself. It might be an accidental homicide.

25:57 Elisa Donovan Right. Kind of like playing with scissors, right?

26:00 Adam Or I'd end up shooting one of my buddies who was breaking in to my house. I would end up doing some damage with this gun, but yet I wanted the protection. Then people say, all right, well, here's what you do. You keep the pistol in the upper shelf of the closet, and then you keep the ammunition buried out in the backyard away from the gun. That's great until you hear the intruder breaking in at night.

26:21 Elisa Donovan Until there's somebody breaking in, you say, hold on, let me just dig up the bullets in the backyard.

26:25 Adam Let me go down to my safe deposit box so I can get my Barney Fife one piece of ammunition and then run back up to the house so I can shoot you with it. That doesn't work either. So I had this plan for a shotgun. Shotguns are great because they got that pump sound, and that scares the bejesus out of everybody. You don't have to be a great shot with that shotgun. It scatters everywhere. And they have shotguns that hold like eight rounds, and they're semi-automatic, and as fast as you can pump them, this is as fast as you can shoot them. I was going to put eight rounds in there. The first round was going to be a blank, so it just got the big boom, so I got the chik-chik and the boom sound. Yeah, that's enough to scare. In case I shot someone by mistake, you know what I mean? This would give the neighbor kid a chance to go, Hey! And then I'd pump it a few more times and put the live ammo into them. But the second round was going to be rock salt, so something just flew and hurt somebody. And then the third, fourth, fifth, and through the eighth was going to be all live.

27:22 Elisa Donovan Because if you get to that, then you know you're-

27:25 Adam You know it's game on.

27:26 Elisa Donovan You want to know what you're right.

27:27 Adam That's right, we got a full blown riot situation going on here. So I thought that was genius.

27:33 Caller Yeah, you are a genius.

27:34 Adam Thank you. Thank you, Stefan. Or Stefan. What's up?

27:38 Caller I need some advice to give to my girlfriend to give me better head.

27:42 Adam But listen, if someone breaks into my house, I don't want you ignoring the first two blasts. That's all I'm saying.

27:48 Drew You hear what this question was? The response to Stefan should be, how dare you?

27:54 Wait, do you know that I just-

27:56 Caller And second off, how dare you?

27:59 Adam Thank you. You want to know how to get your girlfriend to give you a better BJ?

28:03 Caller Yeah.

28:04 Adam Yeah.

28:05 Elisa Donovan Wait, you want to know how or you want to know how to tell her what to do?

28:08 Caller Yeah, I want to know how to tell her what to do, give her some tips.

28:11 Drew Wait, has she ever done anything to you?

28:14 Caller Oh, yeah.

28:15 Drew And what's the problem?

28:15 Adam What's wrong with her technique now?

28:18 Caller Well, we get into it and I end up having to do it myself.

28:23 Adam You got to blow yourself?

28:24 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

28:25 Drew What's the problem with what she's doing?

28:28 Caller It's bogus.

28:30 Adam No. Yeah, we don't believe you, Stefan.

28:32 Caller No, she just can't take enough of it.

28:35 Drew Oh, please.

28:36 Caller She just takes the head.

28:37 Adam All right. I would consider that a compliment. My problem is I get a ball stuffed in a nostril. They take so much. Oh, it's tough. Oh, yeah.

28:50 Caller Are you allowed to say that?

28:51 Adam I don't know.

28:52 Caller I guess you are.

28:53 Elisa Donovan Is there a delay of any kind?

28:55 Adam I think there's some delay.

28:57 Caller Have you ever been smoking pot before your game here?

28:59 Adam No, not just before.

29:01 Elisa Donovan Oh, not tonight.

29:02 Adam No, not tonight. I haven't smoked pot in a long time, by the way. I got to get back on the weed.

29:06 Drew Maybe Wednesday.

29:07 Caller You got to get back on the weed?

29:09 Adam Yeah, it's been a long time. I haven't smoked pot in a long time. That always means I'm scared.

29:14 Caller You're starting to think a little too clear, huh?

29:15 Adam No, no, because sleep deprivation and booze balances that out.

29:20 Drew Yeah.

29:21 Adam You guys are lucky. I'm not thinking too well. All right, we're going to take a little break.

29:25 Drew Yeah.

29:25 Adam Let's go. So we don't care about Stefan? No.

29:28 Drew He isn't full of it.

29:29 Adam Okay. Elisa Donovan is our guest tonight. Find her on, well, you know her from Clueless and Beverly Hills 90210. You'll see her soon on Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Wednesday, no, Friday night on the WB. When we come back, we'll speak to Marcel, the 16 notices blood after going to the bathroom. That's great. Hey, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew. Drew, do you know why my headphone jack doesn't work?

30:36 Drew No, but it doesn't work. That's why they've plugged you into mine.

30:38 Adam All right. Fair enough. Elisa Donovan is our guest tonight.

30:42 Caller Hello. Hello, hello, hello.

30:43 Adam You know her from many TV shows. And soon, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, she is the RA, that's the resident administrator.

30:53 Drew Advisor.

30:54 Adam Advisor.

30:55 Caller Yes. She was a party girl.

30:56 Adam And now, here, let me ask you a question. This is on Friday night's WB 8 o'clock. How come they always have to go to a fictitious college? They'll be going to the University of California.

31:14 Elisa Donovan Like, this is John Adams College, right? So, you know, I kind of always want to ask that question myself. But I think it has something to do with, with, you know, copywriting and various things like that.

31:25 Drew You would think product placement would get them to want to do it.

31:28 Elisa Donovan Yeah, but there's so many things involved that you have to, you know.

31:33 Adam No, but I know what you're saying.

31:34 Elisa Donovan To put any, anything, any product or anything with a name on there, it's like it costs a tremendous amount of headache and money and various other things.

31:44 Adam I'll tell you, I do.

31:47 Elisa Donovan It is a little irritating thing, isn't it, though?

31:49 Adam Let me, when we're dealing with the man show, it's like you try to do something where you want to wear a Dodger cap, you know? And they're like, no, you can't wear the Dodger cap. And my thing is like, what's bad for the Dodgers that more people see a Dodger cap?

32:06 Drew It's on the man show, though.

32:08 Adam Even if it's not on the man show, you got to pay them and clear it and whatever. And my feeling is, is they should pay you. But here's what I don't understand. You're doing, Sabrina goes to college. What's wrong with her going to UCLA? Why would UCLA object to that?

32:25 Elisa Donovan The show takes place in Massachusetts.

32:27 Drew All right. They go to my college. Go to Amherst. They go to Northeastern.

32:31 Adam Even though she probably didn't have the SAT scores in Amherst. What's wrong with her going to Amherst?

32:35 Drew She's a witch.

32:36 Elisa Donovan In this case, it is...

32:38 Adam Why is she going to college? She's a witch.

32:41 Elisa Donovan It's supposed to be a very difficult school to get into, along the lines of Harvard and Yale and things like this, but you can't specifically call it one of those schools because there are too many people who know too much about them and the specifics wouldn't be the same. And then, you know, you have people complaining that the dorms don't look like that and the hallways don't look like that.

33:00 Adam I'm going to burst your bubble, but nobody watching the WB knows about Harvard and Yale has been to Amherst. I guarantee it. I guarantee the executives over there got a junior college level education. Maybe San Diego State top. There ain't an Ivy League or an audience.

33:17 Elisa Donovan I'm going to get fired tomorrow.

33:18 Adam You won't. I will. There's nobody watching that WB who has hired a ninth grade education. I mean, let's be honest. That doesn't mean they're not all great people. The world needs us people. We need garbage collectors and bus boys. We need all those people that watch the WB.

33:33 Caller I'm so fired.

33:34 Adam But no, it's not. Lo, you didn't do anything wrong. But here's my point. It drives me nuts. You know what?

33:40 Elisa Donovan It drives me batty, too. I know what you're saying.

33:43 Adam I watch a movie, and it's about a football team, and the name of the team is the Gravediggers. And I'm going, and furthermore, now they've really confounded things because they have actual guys in the NFL, actual recognizable faces. Terry Bradshaw. That guy plays for the Rams, and that guy plays for the Redskins. Not today he don't. He's on the Gravediggers. And I always say, use a goddamn team. I don't know what it costs, but it'd be worth it. Charge another buck for the ticket. I'll pay it.

34:15 Elisa Donovan It's all because this whole country is made up of commerce.

34:18 Adam It's all one big attorney, one big fat attorney.

34:21 Elisa Donovan It's very insane.

34:21 Adam Because I swear to Christ, if somebody said, listen, I'm an executive over at Sabrina. I'm going to go talk to the headmaster over at Amherst. They'd sit down and have a beer and they'd get this whole thing knocked out. You guys get your college advertised. We get a little realism in our show. Done and done.

34:39 Elisa Donovan Because then I would imagine every single thing that we discuss or that we deal with inside the school or whenever we talk about the school would have to be cleared with Amherst then. Already, there are 45 billion people who need to clear everything that we say.

34:54 Adam Exactly. I know.

34:55 Drew But they could strike the deal that that wouldn't have to be the case.

34:57 Adam All right. Marcel.

34:59 Caller Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about that cousin thing, man.

35:01 Adam That's all right.

35:02 Caller And I'm sorry about you guys getting canned by MTV.

35:04 Adam Yeah. That's all right. Oh, yeah.

35:06 Elisa Donovan Yeah. That's a drag.

35:08 Adam Yeah.

35:08 Drew Not really.

35:09 Adam Well, I got better things to do. Drew doesn't.

35:12 Drew No, I do.

35:13 Adam No, I know. I saw him on Big Brother today.

35:15 Drew Oh, for the first time.

35:16 Adam I got to build my house. So go ahead there, Marcel.

35:19 Drew You actually watched Big Brother tonight.

35:20 Adam I did. No, I didn't watch it.

35:21 Drew You saw me on it.

35:22 Adam I was just flipping around and there you were. I can't stand. I can't watch it.

35:25 Caller Wow.

35:26 Adam All right. Go ahead, Marcel.

35:28 Caller Yeah. For a couple of years, I've been getting pain in my rear. After I go to the bathroom, a couple of days ago when I was at work, I walk a lot in my job and then I sat down and I wiped myself after I was finished and I saw blood on it. Yesterday, I saw the same thing. Today, I think I saw some in the morning. I can't really remember.

35:48 Drew Well, you have to have somebody actually look in there and see where the blood is coming from. It's probably a hemorrhoid. But with the pain you've been having and whatnot, there can be tumors and polyps and arterial venous malformations and various things that need to be treated. So you got to go see your doctor.

36:03 Adam How long have you had the pain?

36:04 Caller For like a couple years.

36:05 Drew You got to get checked out.

36:07 Adam Wow.

36:08 Caller Usually, I would just lay down and wait for the pain to go away.

36:10 Drew You got to get it checked out.

36:11 Caller All right.

36:12 Adam Yeah. You understand. It's not the old West, right? I mean, you can just go to an ass doctor and have him look at it, right?

36:18 Caller It's not like something urgent, is it?

36:20 Drew Yes.

36:20 Adam Yeah.

36:21 Caller All right.

36:21 Adam Go tonight.

36:22 Caller Okay.

36:22 Drew Not tonight.

36:23 Adam Go tomorrow.

36:24 Drew It's something that needs attention.

36:25 Adam Don't worry. And don't worry. I know your fantasy is you get like a hot Swedish blonde chick or a gay guy, but the reality is you're going to get an old Indian guy who doesn't, you know, looks at a ton of ass all day. All right? All right. That's true. Is that true?

36:39 Yeah.

36:41 Drew That is a fact.

36:43 Adam Every doctor is an old Indian guy now. Is that true? No, that's not true. Why is India such a dump when half the people in the country is a doctor? How does that work?

36:55 Caller Because they all come here to be doctors?

36:56 Drew It's really considered quite an honor and they pick the highest.

37:00 Adam Best and the brightest and then they move out.

37:02 Drew And then they move out.

37:02 Adam They're tired of working on people who have stepped in dung on the street. You know what else is funny too? And we're just going to hop back on the phones after I announce this. All you people that are here doing crappy jobs and were royalty in your own country, I don't need to hear about it. You know, like when people are driving cabs and they go like, he was a doctor in his country. Do you ever hear that story? He was a revered surgeon. He was a neurosurgeon. How long have you been driving a hack? 18 years. No, you weren't. You are not a genius in your country. Or your country has problems. There's no genius. By year 13, you figure out what's going on and you get yourself on to some hospital or you pass the boards or whatever it is you got to do. You know what I mean? All right. What are we doing? The back of the phones? Sam?

37:51 Drew I want to take one call a second. Let's keep going.

37:54 Adam Oh, okay. Yeah. You're 25. What's up?

37:57 Caller I got to take a drug test in a couple of days and I was wondering what I could do to clean my system out before I have to take it.

38:04 Drew What drugs are you doing?

38:06 Caller Do what?

38:06 Drew What drugs are you doing?

38:08 Caller I just smoked a little weed about a couple of weeks ago, about four weeks ago.

38:13 Adam It's out already, isn't it? You're good.

38:14 Drew That was the only time you smoked pot was once four weeks ago?

38:17 Caller No, I smoked pot for the past 15 years.

38:21 Drew Right. Every day and ended four years ago.

38:24 Adam No, no, four weeks ago.

38:26 Caller Yeah.

38:26 Drew That's different than I smoked a little pot two weeks ago, three, maybe four weeks ago. Today's Wednesday.

38:31 Adam No, he didn't say a little pot. No, you can tell by- He said I smoked-

38:33 Drew Wait, play that back.

38:34 Adam You can tell by his- He can't play anything back on this show, can he? All right, we can't do it.

38:40 Elisa Donovan So you want to clean out basically 15 years of a pot from your system in the next couple of days? I want to try to. You want to try to.

38:48 Adam Here's what you got to do. You got to put a fire hose up your ass and let it run for a week.

38:51 Elisa Donovan Yeah, I was going to say, you need to get colonic straight through right now.

38:54 Caller Go right now and don't stop until-

38:57 Caller Won't work.

38:57 Adam Sam, where are you trying to get a job?

39:00 Caller I already have a job. It's supposed to be a random drug test.

39:03 Adam But someone gave you a heads up?

39:05 Caller Yeah.

39:05 Drew Air traffic control.

39:06 Adam What do you do?

39:07 Caller I install satellite receivers and radio, and TV stations.

39:14 Adam Really? Getting drug tests for that.

39:16 Caller Yeah, they do.

39:17 Adam Well, listen, why did you quit the weed for the drug test?

39:21 Caller Well, I kind of knew it was coming up, so I stopped smoking about four weeks ago.

39:26 Adam Okay, so next time I say, so why did you quit the weed for the drug test? You go, yes. Right? Yeah.

39:33 Caller Well, I didn't want to, but that's why I did.

39:36 Adam I know. Why did you quit the weed for the drug test? Yes.

39:41 Drew Let's hear what he said about how much potty smoked.

39:42 Adam Okay.

39:43 Drew Here it is. What drugs are you doing?

39:47 Caller I just smoke a little weed.

39:48 Drew I just smoke?

39:49 Caller A couple weeks ago, about four weeks ago.

39:51 Elisa Donovan I just smoked a little weed a couple weeks ago.

39:54 Adam Hey, Sam? You sound depressed. Is that because you quit the weed?

39:58 Drew Oh, yeah.

39:58 Adam Pretty much. Yeah.

40:00 Elisa Donovan What can one do about that?

40:02 Drew Well, sometimes the incidence of suicide is extremely high. People that stop smoking spots, they were heavy smokers like this guy, stop spontaneously. They need to be supervised. They sometimes need to be in a program of recovery or that depression can become paralyzing.

40:17 Caller No, I'm not depressed. I'm just very sleepy.

40:20 Drew Didn't you just finish saying you were depressed a few seconds ago?

40:23 Caller I didn't say I was depressed.

40:25 Drew We got to play that back.

40:25 Oh boy, we got to play that back.

40:27 Caller Since I stopped the other one, I can't play that back.

40:29 Adam Hey, Sam.

40:30 Caller Yeah, what's up?

40:30 Adam You're kind of a pain in the ass. Other people not like you?

40:33 Drew Anti-social.

40:34 Adam I'm chalking this up to you just being in a bad mood because you're off the weed, but you're really like a, you're not a fun guy to talk to. So I don't care what goes on with your test. I really don't. Drew, what can he take?

40:46 Drew Nothing. Anything he takes will be picked up in the test. They can test for adult training agents and then you will be considered positive. If you try to mess with your urine, they will consider it positive.

40:56 Adam Let me say this quickly. Attention all wise asses who want to call this show with a crappy attitude. Don't pick up the phone jackasses. I don't want to go back and forth with you all night long with your crappy attitudes, your low energy and your condescending demeanor. I'm the only one on the show who has a condescending demeanor. Right, Drew?

41:16 Caller I don't shut your mouth.

41:17 Adam That's right.

41:18 Caller Oh, was that a caller?

41:21 Adam I mean, I don't want to go round and round and round with these guys. And this is what Sam was, you know, I didn't say that, I didn't say that, and all that, you quit smoking pot for the test. No, I just decided the test was coming up, so I should break it up. Shut up, you idiot. Who cares what goes on with your test? All right, we'll take a little break. We'll be back.

41:43 Caller Hello, is this Loveline? Call 1-800-LOVE-191. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

42:28 Adam Yeah, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-L-V-E-1-9-1. Elisa Donovan is our guest tonight. Elisa just coughed in the microphone. Cough.

42:41 Caller Wait, is that what the cough button is for?

42:44 Adam There it is.

42:44 Caller Okay.

42:45 Elisa Donovan See, I never knew that.

42:46 Adam It used to say-

42:47 Elisa Donovan I see it all the time, and I never exactly-

42:49 Drew Adam says fart.

42:50 Adam Yeah, mine says fart. Drew says queef. Whatever. You know her from Beverly Hills 90210 and- What the hell is that?

43:01 Elisa Donovan You forgot already. Clueless.

43:03 Adam Clueless. Yeah, I got to get hip to clueless.

43:04 Caller I keep hearing that whatever.

43:06 Elisa Donovan That's not me saying whatever, is it?

43:07 Adam Whatever. Now from Sabrina, The Teenage Witch, 8 o'clock Friday nights, www.ab. I'm going to say this is the fifth season.

43:18 Caller Yes.

43:19 Elisa Donovan Bingo. We just shot the 100th episode.

43:22 Adam Right.

43:22 Elisa Donovan A couple of weeks ago.

43:23 Adam Right. That means syndication time.

43:27 Elisa Donovan Yep.

43:27 Adam Now how's the bucks work out for you with syndication showing up a little bit later? You still got a taste of the action, right?

43:33 Elisa Donovan Yeah, absolutely. Whatever. So now Clueless is in syndication.

43:40 Adam But you didn't do enough Clueless, did you?

43:42 Elisa Donovan Yeah, but they sold it anyway. We did three seasons.

43:44 Adam Oh, did you do? I didn't know it was on three seasons. I thought it was one or two seasons.

43:47 Elisa Donovan A lot of people didn't. Yeah.

43:49 Adam That's the reason it went off. I see.

43:52 Elisa Donovan But it wasn't enough normally for them. But they wanted to buy it anyway.

43:56 Adam Well, here's how the syndication works these days. It used to be you needed like 100 episodes or 90 episodes or something in order to get a show syndicated. And those of you who aren't in TV land, that is striking gold. Syndication is tantamount to anyone of our listeners being horribly injured at work. And never having to work another day in your life. Just hobble your gimp ass out to the mailbox and hammer that check each week and just sit home on Boone's Farm in Vicodin. Great life, that syndicated life. What a life. And so what everyone does is they try to make, they try to get their show on four or five seasons, five seasons, whatever. They try to get to that magic mark, 100 episodes. Then they syndicate, then they're on easy street. Now what they're doing is they're syndicating shows that have been on 10 episodes, like, for instance, Action, which was a big J.

44:52 Elisa Donovan Right, but they don't call it syndication.

44:54 Adam It's not the same kind of syndication, but I don't know who picks it up.

44:58 Elisa Donovan FX, I think.

44:59 Adam FX or whoever picks it up, and they just, they get an extra couple episodes and they run that like three or four times. Maybe Wind on Water will be syndicated soon. The Bo Derrick, the Bo Derrick movie. I mean, the Bo Derrick series that lasted three episodes.

45:16 Caller You are the only person that remembers that.

45:19 Elisa Donovan Remembers that.

45:20 Adam Now, one of the reasons I remember that is the guy who did the movie or wrote the thing or did this something. He came in here once and he was kind of a pompous ass.

45:30 Drew Kind of.

45:31 Elisa Donovan Oh, really?

45:31 Adam Very much a pompous ass. He was really full of himself because they just bought the series and Bo Derrick was going to be in it and they had, it was like $2 million, $3 million an episode worth a budget and this and that and the other. I just remember thinking as he left, I'll see you in hell, buddy.

45:47 Elisa Donovan I was going to say that's a little karma for you.

45:48 Adam Yeah, that thing is long gone, long gone. That's the great part about this business is everyone gets their throat slit so quickly. It's always fun. Who was that good looking model? Caprice? She was a big pain in the ass. Remember, now, you got to even stretch your mind to remember who Caprice was, and I'm only talking about seven or eight months ago.

46:10 If you want a blowjob, you want a girlfriend.

46:12 Adam That's Caprice. Caprice was-

46:15 Why like a dark guy with a very big willy?

46:19 Adam That's where we parted ways, by the way. Not only the dark, but the willy especially. Caprice was this blonde model who was on the cover of Playboy about eight or nine months ago.

46:31 Drew That's not even that long ago.

46:32 Adam And was all the rage. She came from Europe. She came here. She had a recording career. She was on this show. She was blonde and she was all full of herself. And I remember asking her to do something for the Man Show. And she said she'd do it. And then she bagged out on it. And her people said she wouldn't get in a bathing suit. It was all big pain in the ass. But the point is, I remember just thinking, enjoy it, honey. And now no one even knows what her name is.

46:56 Elisa Donovan That's the thing. You have to be grateful for every single moment. And lots of people are not that way.

47:03 Adam No. I was thinking about that while I was in the shower tonight, how ungrateful I am.

47:07 Drew See?

47:07 Adam All right.

47:08 Drew What's going to happen to who? What's your name?

47:10 Adam Don't care. I'm a carpenter. Misty?

47:16 Yeah?

47:16 Adam You're 25?

47:18 Caller Yeah.

47:20 Adam What's up?

47:21 Not much. I like younger guys, a lot younger than me.

47:28 Drew Like 22, 21?

47:30 No, 14.

47:32 Drew Did something happen to you when you were 14?

47:34 No.

47:34 Drew Were you raped or anything? No. Nothing like that ever happened to you? And once again, we have the-

47:40 Elisa Donovan So what is it that you like about them?

47:42 I don't know. I just like them.

47:44 Adam The way they wear their granimals?

47:46 Elisa Donovan That you can control them in some way?

47:47 Drew Do you even go younger than 14?

47:49 No.

47:50 Adam Yeah. You ever had sex with a 14-year-old? Oh, it's good. It is good, especially the lats. Soft, hairless, nice. Get around that retainer.

48:00 Drew What up, Misty? Come on.

48:02 Adam Hey, Misty?

48:03 Drew Hang on.

48:03 Adam All right. No, wait. We got to ask some questions. First off, I'm clutching my side in preparation. Do you have any kids? No.

48:11 Caller Oh, dear God.

48:13 Adam And you're not married? You don't have a boyfriend? And if you ever had a boyfriend your age? And don't say when you were 14 because that won't make sense.

48:23 Adam Always like the younger lads. And what do you do for social life if you're not acting on this and that's the only kind of guys you like?

48:34 Drew Trick question.

48:35 Caller I don't really have a social.

48:36 Drew Yeah, that's what we figured.

48:37 Adam You a big gal? No.

48:41 Drew Are you isolated in some way? Do you have no access to people?

48:46 I'm kind of afraid to.

48:48 Adam Okay, okay, now we'll get to it. Okay, I'm making a... Your dad either died or beat the crap out of you and left.

48:55 No, he's still here.

48:58 Adam Well, no, it's gotta be one or the other.

48:59 No.

49:00 Drew Well, still here. Why are you living there?

49:01 Adam Alcoholic?

49:03 No.

49:03 Adam What's your dad do to you? How do you abandon you?

49:08 He's still here.

49:09 Drew He doesn't.

49:09 Elisa Donovan He's still where?

49:11 Caller He still lives here.

49:12 Drew Where's here?

49:14 At home, where I live.

49:15 Drew Why do you live at home? You're 25.

49:19 Caller I don't know.

49:20 Adam Do you have mental problems?

49:21 Caller Yeah.

49:22 Adam Oh, OK.

49:23 Drew What's the...

49:23 Adam Hold on a second. I blame myself because it sounds like a very insulting question to ask somebody if they have mental problems. But on this show, it should really be the first or second question that's asked because every time I say it, I get a resounding, yeah. And by the way, how effed up can you be when you can answer that straightforwardly? You have mental problems? Uh-huh. Sure do. Sure do, partner.

49:48 Drew What's the nature of the problem, the mental problem?

49:52 Caller Well, I was born with ADHD and...

49:58 Adam What's that?

49:59 Drew Attention deficit disorder basically.

50:00 Adam Oh, you're not born with that.

50:04 Caller I was born with fetal alcoholism.

50:06 Drew Okay.

50:07 Adam Now we're getting somewhere.

50:08 Drew Okay, keep going.

50:10 Caller And I have... I was in specialized classes in schools and I didn't learn very good.

50:20 Drew Right, it's the fetal alcohol injury.

50:22 Adam Yeah. Now, let me ask, Drew, I know this sounds like a stupid question, but I'm a layman. Is that fetal alcohol syndrome, is that when the fetus drinks or is that the mother actually drinking?

50:34 Drew The fetus drinks in utero.

50:36 Adam Oh, yeah. Okay. No, you're right. That was a horrible and stupid question. Yeah, that was dumb. I thought though maybe at a young age, four or five months that you picked up the bottle. You know what I'm saying?

50:48 Drew Misty, no one ever took advantage of you in any way?

50:51 Adam No one had sex with you?

50:53 Drew Never.

50:53 Adam You're still a virgin?

50:54 Caller No.

50:55 Adam What happened? Who did you lose your virginity to?

50:58 Caller My mom's best friend's son.

51:01 Drew How old were you then?

51:06 Adam How old was he?

51:09 Drew That's the sexual abuse. That's it. That's why she's stuck back there.

51:14 Adam Misty, your mom was an alcoholic. What about your dad?

51:18 Caller No.

51:19 Adam Non-alcoholic?

51:20 Caller My mom's dead.

51:24 Adam When did she die?

51:25 Caller I don't know. She left when I was three.

51:28 Adam All right. All right.

51:29 Drew Now it's time to fit together.

51:30 Adam Okay. Now we're getting now the pictures coming in focus. So Misty, you have problems, right? You go into a therapist or psychologist? Yeah. You are?

51:40 Elisa Donovan Oh, that's good.

51:41 Adam All right. All right. So here's the deal. First off, don't cling to much of this ADHD and this fetal alcohol and all this kind of stuff, because here's the reality. It's like walking around thinking you're ugly. What good does it do you? It just makes it hard to ask people on dates. You know, who the hell knows what we all got? The Lord knows how much weed my mom smoked while I was in her, how much booze she put down.

52:05 Drew But we know it's a lot.

52:06 Adam Oh, yeah. We know a substantial amount. Sure. I'd be running the world by now. Yeah. Here's the thing, Misty. Don't freak yourself out. That ADHD, that's a bunch of nonsense. It's BS. It's going to be right up there at that Epstein Bar and all this other crap everyone comes up with who doesn't want to get off their ass every once in a while or can't take a goddamn test. Nonsense. You stop watching so much TV, start going on long walks, you hear me? And listen to classical music. And don't get pregnant. And talk to your therapist.

52:40 Drew Stay in your treatment, yeah.

52:41 Adam All right. We'll take a break. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Elisa Donovan's our guest tonight. Sabrina the Teenage Witch is her new show. WB, Friday night, it's 8 o'clock. What'd I see you on, Killborn?

53:43 Elisa Donovan Yes, I did the Late Late Show the other night.

53:46 Caller Yeah, you were good.

53:48 Elisa Donovan I had a great time. I'm a yapper, so here's the thing. If you just get me chatting, not chatting, it's like I just have really strong opinions about things.

53:58 Drew Once you get a go at it, you can just take a nap.

53:59 Elisa Donovan So, you know, oh yeah, I could just keep talking for a very long time.

54:04 Adam Well, here's your chance. I want to, but before you talk, let me talk for a while.

54:09 Elisa Donovan Okay, good.

54:10 Adam I want to give a shout out to the LA Weathermen who have once again screwed up royally with their five day forecast. Now, here's how it goes for those of you who are in other parts of the country. It was hotter than F last week in the weeks prior to that. Two days ago, yeah. And two days ago. And I'm doing some building and I'm outside and I'm in the valley all day. So I kind of pay attention and I hate the heat when it's 105 all day.

54:37 Elisa Donovan Well, it's hotter in the valley than it is on this side. Oh, yes.

54:40 Adam And it makes my life miserable. So I was watching the news Sunday night and they said, and they seem to look for excuses for this, but they said, you think it was hot last week, wait till this week rolls around. And I was thinking, how could it get any hotter? It was 106 degrees. And it's going to get, it's going to be hot on Monday and it's going to be hotter on Tuesday and it's going to be even hotter. Anderson, I'll throw this goddamn mic through that glass. It'll be even hotter on Wednesday. Now, it was hot on Monday, not quite as hot on Tuesday and 25 degrees cooler today. And now it's going to rain. And here's the thing. I want an apology. I want you to admit you're wrong. And I want you to apologize. And then maybe I'll forgive you. But I don't want you to get up there and pretend like and start talking about the front that's rolling in and the high pressure system and all. I want an apology.

55:29 Drew You can see for it now. Dear Adam.

55:32 Adam Dearest Adam, I want it red on the air. And I want to tear shed. Now, here's all I want to say to you, Weatherman. This five day forecast is nonsense. You a-holes don't know what's going on the following morning. You guys couldn't predict what it was like outside while you were in the studio that night. I swear to Christ, the five day forecast is, you have bitten off way more than any of you idiots can chew. And I've long since stopped listening to the five day. I barely believe you on the next day. I watch the 11 o'clock news and barely, I watch on a Monday night and barely believe the Tuesday morning forecast. Forget about Friday. That ain't even close. You guys doing the five day forecast is like some retarded kid at the Special Olympics getting up on the a three meter board and announcing he's going to do a triple axel and a double half gainer and nail it without a splat. He can announce it all he wants and he can try it as much as he likes. And he, yeah.

56:30 Drew Take the leap.

56:31 Adam The best he could do is have one of his coaches push him off that platform. That is the best he's going to do. You guys.

56:37 Elisa Donovan Because the atmosphere is so screwed up that there is no way that they can predict anything.

56:43 Adam I don't mind.

56:44 Elisa Donovan Where LA is just going to fall right into the ocean. The whole state of California is just going to.

56:50 Adam At least get prepared. I thought I was a bomber.

56:52 Caller I'm telling you.

56:54 Adam Listen to me.

56:54 Elisa Donovan All the natural disasters that happen in this town, I mean, I can't even.

56:58 Adam Oh, there is an any.

56:59 Elisa Donovan Between the fires and the earthquakes and the this and the that.

57:03 Caller Where did you grow up?

57:03 Elisa Donovan No, I haven't. But it's like, my Lord, something is going on here.

57:07 Caller Where did you grow up?

57:07 Elisa Donovan I grew up in New York. We had hurricanes from time to time. And, you know, ice storms, that sort of thing. We had weather. We had actual, you know, sort of...

57:16 Adam We have real weathermen over there, not these homos we have over here in the golf jackets.

57:20 Elisa Donovan But there are, you know, a myriad of natural disasters that happen in this town. And, you know...

57:25 Adam But here's all I want to conclude with. You guys, back to the retarded kid on the three-meter board, go for the cannonball. That's all you can pull off. You're lucky to pull the cannonball off. Don't even try a can opener. Just go with the cannonball. Because that's all you tards can pull off. And this five days... Here's the deal with the five day. It's about four and a half days out of your range. That fifth day. It really is. You'll never get it right. So just shut the hell up. Or we're going to have a lawsuit. Because I can't take it anymore.

57:58 Drew You're going to sue.

57:59 Adam I'm going to sue.

57:59 Caller Go for the cannonball.

58:01 Adam Go for the cannonball, you tards.

58:04 Caller I'm going to keep saying that all week.

58:05 Elisa Donovan Just go for the cannonball. Whatever you do, just go for the cannonball.

58:09 Adam Laura Lee?

58:10 Laura Lai.

58:11 Adam Laura Lai?

58:12 Hello.

58:13 Adam You're 24. What's up?

58:15 Caller Well, before I start my question, I have to say, Adam, if you used half the energy you have being mad, you would make a fantastic lover in bed.

58:22 Adam Thank you.

58:23 Caller Now, second thing. My question is, what can I do?

58:27 Adam How do you know I don't take my rage out on my sex victim? I mean girlfriend or whatever they call him.

58:32 Caller Oh, come join us in bed. We'd have fun.

58:35 Adam Who's us?

58:36 Caller Me and my husband.

58:37 Adam That's great.

58:39 Drew How many kids do you have?

58:40 Caller Two.

58:40 Drew Okay. How do you think they'd feel about that?

58:43 Caller I'm just kidding. I'm just giving them a hard time.

58:45 Adam All right, baby. What's your question?

58:46 Caller Okay. Here's the thing. I want to know if there's any particular position I can try to make anal sex a little more pleasurable. I love it when my husband uses his finger when he's going down on me. But as far as using his penis, I need to know something that will make it a little more comfortable.

59:04 Caller Maybe the missionary position.

59:05 Drew How about not doing it?

59:06 Adam Oh, true. Don't talk around.

59:08 Caller Well, no, because he really seems to enjoy that side of it. And so I want to please him. And so therefore, I am willing to try.

59:17 Adam I see. Well, that's good, even though it's painful for you.

59:20 Well, yeah.

59:21 Adam Elisa's shaking her head no.

59:22 Caller You don't enjoy it at all?

59:24 Elisa Donovan I'm just saying.

59:24 Caller Well, I enjoy it when he uses his finger. But I don't know, I can't, when he uses his penis, I don't know if it's because his penis is too large.

59:32 Caller Right.

59:33 Elisa Donovan Does he know that you don't really enjoy it all that much? Yeah, he knows.

59:36 Caller And he doesn't push the point. But like I said, I really like to please him. So I want to see. And I've also heard that once you get past the initial shock, I've heard from several women.

59:47 Adam You're number seven.

59:48 Caller Yeah. That is very pleasurable. So I want to see if there's anything that I can do to maybe get to that point.

59:54 Adam OK. Well, let's see if we can help you. And God bless you.

59:58 Drew Elisa?

59:59 Adam Very rare we get a woman wanting to please her man.

1:00:01 Elisa Donovan Oh, I can't.

1:00:03 Adam Come on.

1:00:04 Elisa Donovan OK. If we're going to get down to brass tacks about the situation, here's what I think. He's gay.

1:00:13 Adam No, he is not.

1:00:14 Caller He's nearly not that.

1:00:16 Adam No, how dare you?

1:00:18 Caller I am not gay.

1:00:19 Caller Well, I don't think this man could have it 24 hours a day with me. He loves it. Yep. He's very happy with me.

1:00:27 Adam Yes. You want to keep him happy. What's he do for a living? Does he work around metal or wood?

1:00:32 Caller No, he's actually he installs ATM machines.

1:00:37 Adam He installs ATM? Works around the lettuce.

1:00:39 Elisa Donovan It's a manly job.

1:00:40 Adam That's a good gig.

1:00:41 Caller And he does alarm systems and television systems.

1:00:44 Adam Beautiful. Listen, here's what you need to do. You got to get a couple of shots of booze and you loosen up a little bit because you know those old westerns when they're going to cut the guy's leg off like in the Civil War or something.

1:00:57 Elisa Donovan Yeah, they give him a shot of whiskey.

1:00:59 Adam A few shots of brandy, numb him up a little.

1:01:01 Caller I don't know about that.

1:01:02 Adam Well, it's mainly so they don't fight as much.

1:01:04 Drew What he's basically advocating is anesthesia.

1:01:06 Caller Yeah, basically.

1:01:07 Drew If you get somebody to intubate you, get some healthy gas.

1:01:09 Elisa Donovan If you can get as hammered as possible.

1:01:12 Adam Listen, a couple of shots of booze just to loosen up all the orifices a little bit. Then secondly, a lot of lubrication. Yeah.

1:01:22 Drew Lisa, you have such a strong opinion about the homosexual factor. Do you have an experience there?

1:01:25 Elisa Donovan You know, not in terms of being a painless sex, but I can honestly say that I have been out with several men who I absolutely and unequivocally believe are gay.

1:01:38 Adam Really?

1:01:39 Elisa Donovan Yes, and I just think that it's really unfortunate because a lot, and I adore them and I think they're great guys, you know.

1:01:48 Drew What does that have to do with anal sex issue?

1:01:49 Caller It has to do with the fact that if that is particularly how he likes to get off.

1:01:55 Drew Is that what these guys were into?

1:01:56 Elisa Donovan That it basically says quite a bit. No, one of them would prefer that, but that's not my story, so that was just not going to happen.

1:02:08 Drew So you were pushing that point, is it what?

1:02:10 Elisa Donovan Yes. The other one was not, no.

1:02:13 Drew So, hmm.

1:02:15 Elisa Donovan But I just basically think that...

1:02:20 Drew You have highly developed gaydar.

1:02:21 Caller Oh, so highly developed, yeah.

1:02:24 Adam Maybe you turned him gay.

1:02:25 Elisa Donovan Maybe I did.

1:02:27 Adam Just a little something for you when you're going to bed tonight.

1:02:29 Elisa Donovan Yeah, really, no, I don't think so. I just think that if somebody's behavior is that, if that's really the only thing that sort of pleases them and it's not...

1:02:41 Drew If that's the fetish.

1:02:42 Elisa Donovan Yeah, if that's the fetish, exactly. If that's the fetish and it's clear that it's not pleasurable to the woman, then clearly there's something askew.

1:02:51 Drew A disconnect.

1:02:52 Elisa Donovan Yeah.

1:02:52 Adam It's not gay though, it's more aggression. The fact that it's not pleasurable to the woman is a plus. That's part of the package.

1:02:59 Drew That's part of the trailer.

1:02:59 Elisa Donovan It hurts, don't it, bitch? Well, I suppose that could...

1:03:02 Caller That's what it is.

1:03:04 Adam Yeah.

1:03:04 Elisa Donovan Yeah, I guess it could be that too.

1:03:05 Drew That's what they're into. And where did you get this highly-developed GADAR, Radio Shack?

1:03:11 Elisa Donovan Yeah, I got it at a really low rate for $9.95.

1:03:16 Drew But what happened?

1:03:17 Caller At the Good Guys.

1:03:17 Adam Yeah, what happened? What happened, Elisa?

1:03:21 Caller No, you know what?

1:03:23 Elisa Donovan What do you mean? What happened to...

1:03:24 Adam Why do you date gays exclusively?

1:03:28 Caller Yeah, why do I date gay men?

1:03:29 Drew Why do you believe you have such a developed GADAR? Where did that come from?

1:03:34 Elisa Donovan I don't know where it came from. I mean, I have many gay friends. Oh, I have gay relatives and I have gay friends. And I mean, I suppose maybe that's where it comes from. That might be how I know. And now as to why I seem to attract men that are sexually suspect, I'm not quite sure. But I mean, not all of them. I'm just saying there are two people in particular that I did go out with.

1:03:56 Adam You go out with the artsy.

1:03:57 Elisa Donovan It was very clear to me.

1:03:58 Adam You can't go out with the artsy guys. You can't go out with the actor guys, the writer guys, the poet guys, the artsy guys.

1:04:03 Elisa Donovan Basically one was an actor and one was a writer, musician, and interior designer.

1:04:08 Caller Oh!

1:04:14 Caller But let me just tell you, they, well, no, actually they wouldn't.

1:04:18 Elisa Donovan I was going to try to defend the whole thing, but yeah, I really can't.

1:04:22 Adam I really have no excuse whatsoever. You need a nice sloppy guy.

1:04:25 Elisa Donovan Well, here's the thing. My type is really like the blue collar guy, like the manly kind of guy, but they have to be intelligent. They have to be able to.

1:04:34 Adam You're not going to find any blue collar guys that are intelligent.

1:04:37 Elisa Donovan There are some. I believe there will be one in my future.

1:04:41 Drew When they raise them.

1:04:44 Adam I'm the smartest of all the blue collar guys and I'm stupid.

1:04:47 Drew But she wouldn't even know he's blue collar anymore because you're literally a millionaire now.

1:04:51 Adam Oh yeah, I'm literally a millionaire.

1:04:52 Drew So she is not into you.

1:04:53 Adam Yeah.

1:04:54 Caller You would know I was blue collar. No, the money really is not a factor.

1:04:58 Elisa Donovan I mean, having it or not having it.

1:04:59 Adam I know it's the blue collar part, but you don't know that I'm blue collar because you can't. You can't be a millionaire now.

1:05:05 Elisa Donovan Because, right, so I just see the white collar.

1:05:06 Adam That's right. Johnny? Johnny?

1:05:10 Oh yeah. Hey, what's up, guys?

1:05:12 Adam Hey, you're 18. What's going on?

1:05:13 Caller Yeah, first of all, I want to say I really appreciate what you guys do to the public.

1:05:17 Adam Thank you.

1:05:17 Caller I think it helps them out, you know.

1:05:19 Caller It gives them little points and all that.

1:05:20 Adam Thank you.

1:05:21 Caller My question is that I've been dating my girl for five months. We've been together and all that. But her mom's been really strict on us. She doesn't let us go out and all that. And I've been doing whatever it takes to go out with her. And she just doesn't do anything to let us go out. And I really don't know if she hates me or anything.

1:05:40 Adam How old is she? 13?

1:05:42 Caller She's going to be 15 this Friday.

1:05:44 Adam Oh, going to be 15?

1:05:45 Caller Yeah. I see.

1:05:47 Adam So you're 18 and mom doesn't want you guys going out.

1:05:51 Caller Yeah, basically like that.

1:05:53 Drew We support the mom.

1:05:54 Adam Yes, sorry.

1:05:56 Caller You know, like, I don't have any bad intentions.

1:06:00 Drew That's good, but we still support the mom.

1:06:01 Adam How long have you two been going out?

1:06:05 Caller We've been like going out for six months. She's really close to my family and all that.

1:06:11 Drew That's good.

1:06:12 Caller And so we kind of know each other good. All of us get along and all that.

1:06:16 Adam They're cousins.

1:06:18 Caller Yeah, something like that. She's like my friends with my cousins and her aunts. I really don't know that much.

1:06:23 Adam Hey, Johnny. You sound like a reasonably benign guy. If you're a little gay or at least it would date you. But here's the thing. You're 18 years old. This chick is 14. You're supposed to be in your first year of college and she's supposed to be going into the ninth or 10th grade or something.

1:06:41 Elisa Donovan Yeah, there just really is a big difference, unfortunately.

1:06:45 Adam That's a big period of time. It's only three or four years now.

1:06:49 Drew But hey, it's a second grader and a sixth grader.

1:06:53 Adam That's a big time difference. Yes. And the fact that her mom is reluctant to let her out with you is a good sign. It is.

1:07:00 Elisa Donovan Yeah.

1:07:01 Adam Not because you're a bad guy, just because you're an older guy.

1:07:03 Elisa Donovan Because you sound like a really great guy.

1:07:04 Drew And mom's doing her parenting.

1:07:06 Elisa Donovan Yeah.

1:07:06 Drew She's got a parent.

1:07:07 Caller I was thinking about that too.

1:07:08 Adam Yeah, she has.

1:07:09 Drew And you know, my mom's getting holy hell from your girlfriend. That's a hard thing for mom to do, but it's on her behalf.

1:07:15 Caller Yeah. OK.

1:07:17 Adam So what's the answer to this question?

1:07:19 Caller Just what?

1:07:20 Drew Wait it out.

1:07:21 Adam Wait what out? Wait it out for three years?

1:07:23 Drew Probably 16.

1:07:24 Caller I shouldn't like, I like, Yeah, even 16 is better. I really love this.

1:07:29 Adam Rape and abduct?

1:07:30 Drew Well, 16 and 20 might, parents might sit still for that.

1:07:34 Adam Yeah. You got another year plus? You know how long that is when you're 18, a year?

1:07:41 Elisa Donovan Yeah, it's a long time, but-

1:07:42 Adam Hey, Johnny? What's up? Here's the deal. We normally would frown very heavily upon this relationship, but you sound like a decent guy with decent intentions, but yet there's a very real age difference, and it's hard for us to disagree with mom either. So I think on this one, we're just going to have to tell you to sort of lay back and play it by ear. Yeah. Don't piss mom off too much. You can continue dating your girlfriend, maybe on the side. Don't have any sex with her. Give her a little time to grow up.

1:08:10 Drew Right. Right.

1:08:11 Adam And all that good stuff.

1:08:13 Drew Wait it out.

1:08:13 Adam Yeah. Because he's got plans for her. He mentioned. Mike? Mike, you're 15. See, here's the reality is Johnny's 18 and emotionally 14 or 15. Right. A lot of guys do that.

1:08:26 Elisa Donovan They're pretty close to the same age.

1:08:27 Adam Yeah, they are.

1:08:28 Elisa Donovan Right.

1:08:28 Adam He's a little taller. That's it.

1:08:29 Drew Mike? Yep.

1:08:30 Adam You're 15. What's up?

1:08:33 Caller I was ejaculating the other night.

1:08:36 Adam Right.

1:08:37 Caller And I was wiping out my mess.

1:08:40 Adam I see.

1:08:42 Drew I'm just conjuring up the image. Hold on a second. Slow down.

1:08:45 Adam Let me close my eyes. Let me do a little theater of the mind here.

1:08:48 Drew I don't want to miss any part of this.

1:08:50 Adam What color is your hair, Mike? Just to really round it out.

1:08:53 Caller Brown.

1:08:54 Adam You're a brown hair guy. Okay. Complexion, color, olive, light skinned. What are you?

1:08:59 Caller White.

1:09:00 Adam You're a white guy. Okay, go ahead. Now, what were you doing? You're mopping yourself up now?

1:09:04 Caller Yeah, I was cleaning out my mess.

1:09:06 Adam Uh-huh. A tube sock, T-shirt, something from the hamper, tissue. What are you using?

1:09:11 Caller It was a towel on my floor.

1:09:12 Caller Towel on the floor.

1:09:14 Adam I can smell it. I can almost smell it.

1:09:16 Drew And what?

1:09:17 Caller Next morning, I went pee.

1:09:19 Adam All right, slow down, slow down. Let me get to the morning. Okay, go ahead. There you go. Nice, I can hear it almost.

1:09:26 Caller Yeah, so you're peeing?

1:09:28 Caller And I noticed these red dots.

1:09:30 Adam Uh-huh.

1:09:31 Caller Where?

1:09:31 Adam On the towel?

1:09:33 Caller No, it was on top of my balls and around my penis. Red dots?

1:09:42 Drew Like purple dots?

1:09:43 Caller They were like, kind of like bumps almost.

1:09:46 Drew Are they gone now?

1:09:47 Caller No.

1:09:49 Adam All right, his radio is up in the background. I don't know what's driving me nuts.

1:09:52 Drew As usual, I can't tell people to describe when they describe skin problems.

1:09:56 Adam Boy, he really painted a graphic picture before that, but then he kind of fell off a little with the dots on the top of the nuts. We don't hear that one, do we?

1:10:07 Caller How old was he?

1:10:08 Adam Fifteen. You ever seen anything like this?

1:10:11 Elisa Donovan You think he's having sex already? No.

1:10:13 Adam I'm going with no. Mike, you having sex? No. You know why?

1:10:17 Elisa Donovan Yeah.

1:10:18 Adam Because we talked-

1:10:19 Elisa Donovan Because of the language he was speaking.

1:10:21 Adam Yeah. We talked to 15-year-olds who are getting a ton of tail. We talked to 15-year-olds who are virgins, and I can tell the difference in their voice, because the 15-year-old guys are getting laid. You go, Mike, you're 15, you're on Loveline. What's up? Right. What's going on there, Mike? Let me tell you what's going on there. So I got- These guys, I mean, really, they sound like Lou Rawls or something at 15. They really do. When you're picturing them with the wind-up beanie, they're like gulping. So what happened?

1:10:56 Elisa Donovan They're not having sex.

1:10:58 Adam Always know because second they get laid, their voice change. They get a ton of confidence, and they become baritone all of a sudden.

1:11:03 Drew And also compare that 15, 16-year-old female we had. We got her name now that was pregnant. The first one. Yeah. I mean, think of that voice.

1:11:10 Adam She would chew young Mike up and spit him out. All right. So where are we, Drew? You don't know what those bumps are?

1:11:17 Drew No, we're moving on.

1:11:18 Adam All right.

1:11:18 Caller You got-

1:11:20 Adam Sean?

1:11:21 Yes.

1:11:21 Adam You're 25?

1:11:22 Caller Yes.

1:11:23 Adam Elisa Donovan's on the show. Say hi.

1:11:26 Caller How are you doing? Pretty good. I've been married-

1:11:31 Adam It's always a little difficult to do that part in a show.

1:11:33 Caller Go ahead.

1:11:33 Drew The part where you have to make nice? Yeah. I'll be responsive.

1:11:36 Caller I've been married four years. I've masturbated maybe 15 of it. But I still- Hold on. Wait, what?

1:11:45 Caller You've been married four years?

1:11:47 Caller Yeah.

1:11:47 Adam You've masturbated maybe 15 of it?

1:11:49 Caller Yeah.

1:11:50 Caller What does that mean? 15 of what?

1:11:52 Caller Of the years. I've been doing it since-

1:11:56 Adam Okay. You've been married four years.

1:11:58 Drew You've been masturbating 15 years.

1:12:00 Adam 15 years. But not of it. It would be the four years.

1:12:04 Elisa Donovan Since you were 10 is what you're saying?

1:12:07 Caller About. About 14 million.

1:12:10 Adam Okay. It's been more like 11 years.

1:12:11 Drew I didn't even do the math here.

1:12:14 Caller With the pillow, but I haven't really achieved any orgasm with my wife.

1:12:19 Caller Never?

1:12:21 Caller Never. Not sex-wise. No.

1:12:24 Adam I'm going to get right to it again. Do you have any emotional problems, Sean?

1:12:29 Drew Medication?

1:12:30 Caller No.

1:12:31 Adam Anyone ever told you you should be on any medication?

1:12:35 Caller When I was younger, I took Ritalin.

1:12:39 Drew ADHD again.

1:12:43 Caller I had ADD. I don't know if you could outgrow it.

1:12:47 Adam I think you can. You get lazier. And then what happened? Where do you work?

1:12:54 Caller I work in the Navy, actually. What do you do? Supplies.

1:13:00 Adam I see.

1:13:01 Caller A very stressful job.

1:13:03 Adam Yeah. So you're enlisted then, right? You're in there. And did you sign up right out of high school?

1:13:10 Caller A year after.

1:13:11 Adam All right. So are you almost out or did you reenlist?

1:13:14 Caller I just reenlisted last year.

1:13:16 Drew What else are you going to do?

1:13:17 Caller Probably five years.

1:13:19 Adam I see. All right. So, Sean, you never had an orgasm with your wife, but maybe you have or orally?

1:13:26 Drew He just masturbates.

1:13:28 Adam Okay. Why do you think that is?

1:13:33 Drew How many times a week do you masturbate?

1:13:38 Caller Sometimes to at least one, two times a day.

1:13:41 Drew A day. Just cut it out for five days and you'll have plenty of action with your wife. Just cut it out.

1:13:48 Adam What about that? What about you and your, have your nuts like bivouac somewhere far away from your Johnson and just-

1:13:57 Drew And your hand.

1:13:57 Adam And your hand and just go and leave for a little while.

1:14:00 Drew Separate those three.

1:14:01 Adam Try to work a little military talk into this so Sean understands. Give it a little break there, Sean, and see what happens. Do you see your wife?

1:14:08 Caller Yeah, I live with her.

1:14:10 Adam Oh, you do? Okay. I didn't know if you were away on some port of call somewhere or something.

1:14:15 Drew I just lay off for a while.

1:14:17 Caller That's also hard too. That also plays into the masturbation.

1:14:22 Adam Well, how often do you have sex with your wife?

1:14:27 Caller Once, twice a day at least. If she doesn't give it to me, then I can use a pillow.

1:14:40 Elisa Donovan Wait, is the issue that your wife doesn't want to have sex as often as you do, and that's why...

1:14:47 Caller Well, right now, she's six months pregnant, so her mood is not...

1:14:54 Drew I thought you'd never orgasm with your wife. How does she get pregnant if you never had an orgasm?

1:15:00 Caller I guess... I thought ejaculate and orgasm are totally different. Two different things.

1:15:08 Caller Oh, oh.

1:15:09 Drew What?

1:15:10 Caller Wait.

1:15:11 Caller Oh, my God.

1:15:12 Caller Hold on.

1:15:13 Drew That is a first.

1:15:14 Caller Wait, wait.

1:15:15 Caller Oh, my God.

1:15:17 Caller Oh, my God.

1:15:18 Caller Wait a minute.

1:15:19 Adam Come on, he's only 25. Now give him a break.

1:15:22 Caller Wait a minute.

1:15:22 Caller Give him a break.

1:15:23 Caller Wait a minute.

1:15:24 Adam He's in the Navy. Come on. I'm sure he's been approached to do commercials for the Navy.

1:15:27 Elisa Donovan I want to know what he thinks an orgasm is, then. I want to know what he thinks an orgasm is.

1:15:30 Adam I think he thinks it's a drink.

1:15:31 Elisa Donovan Aren't you dying to find out?

1:15:33 Caller Aren't you dying to know what he thinks it is?

1:15:34 Drew He thinks it's some...

1:15:35 Adam No, it's a sensation.

1:15:37 Drew No, no, no, no, no, no.

1:15:38 Adam Oh, really?

1:15:39 Drew I think he thinks it's like a dog where they stick together. There's a magical...

1:15:43 Caller Oh, dear God.

1:15:45 Adam No, no. I think what he's saying...

1:15:46 Elisa Donovan You think that maybe he thinks it's some kind of reaching another plane or some...

1:15:49 Adam I think he says he's ejaculating, but it doesn't feel great. It's just coming out of him. He wants to know how to achieve the orgasm, which is the great sensation when something with his wife.

1:16:03 Drew And that he has that with his hand?

1:16:04 Caller That he has that with...

1:16:05 Adam I have that with my hand.

1:16:08 Caller Yes?

1:16:09 Adam First off, I predict you're going to be admiral within six months. That's A number one, because I see you on the fast track. I really do. I'm surprised you're still working on the supply ship. I'm surprised you haven't worked your way up to like, you know, rear admiral.

1:16:25 Drew It's just part of the training. They make the executives like pump gas. Same deal here. He's going to be a captain ship.

1:16:31 Adam I see you camping the laundry ship in just a few short years, Sean.

1:16:35 Caller Okay.

1:16:35 Adam Okay. So now, what do you think the difference between an orgasm and ejaculation is?

1:16:43 Caller Well, I mean, I can, my wife reaches orgasm like the toe curling.

1:16:48 Adam Right.

1:16:49 Caller Right. I just, I don't get any sensation.

1:16:52 Adam Yeah. It's like, it's like your penis opens up and some jizz spills out, right?

1:16:57 Caller Yeah.

1:16:58 Drew But you get something more with your hand?

1:17:01 Caller Pretty much, yeah.

1:17:02 Adam You get a better sensation with your hand?

1:17:05 Caller Yeah.

1:17:05 Adam So you have an ejaculation every time you're with your wife, but you don't necessarily have that great sensation.

1:17:13 Caller Right.

1:17:13 Drew Lay off the masturbation.

1:17:14 Adam I see.

1:17:15 Drew Same advice.

1:17:15 Adam Yeah, definitely.

1:17:16 Drew Same advice.

1:17:17 Adam Back off. You understand?

1:17:19 Drew Listen, Adam Corolla told you to back off. You're overdoing it. Think about the context of that comment.

1:17:25 Adam That's right.

1:17:27 Caller All right.

1:17:28 Adam It's like Keith Richards is telling me you have a problem with substances or something. You better consider the source and it should really mean something now. Yes. Hey, Sean.

1:17:37 Caller Yes.

1:17:38 Adam No more kids though, right buddy?

1:17:40 Caller Okay.

1:17:40 Adam How many kids do you have?

1:17:42 Caller I have one and I'll have another one in January.

1:17:45 Adam Okay. That's it. That's it for the kids. Okay.

1:17:49 Caller All right.

1:17:49 Adam You send them off to boarding school, right?

1:17:52 Caller Sure.

1:17:52 Adam Okay. All right. Here's what I want you to do with your kids. Put them in front of the TV. Don't talk to them. Okay?

1:17:58 Caller Okay.

1:17:59 Adam All right, buddy. You take care of yourself. Hey, thank you for defending this country.

1:18:02 Caller All right? All right. No problem.

1:18:04 Adam No problem.

1:18:06 Caller Wow.

1:18:08 Adam Imagine Sean standing behind the counter and you've got a requisition slip for like 400 crates of potatoes and 600 things of brown gravy and 400 bed sheets.

1:18:20 Drew I'm just imagining a gun turret.

1:18:22 Elisa Donovan I was just, exactly, I'm imagining him with a big machine gun and some other things.

1:18:28 Adam No, no, no, no. He's not doing that failing system or anything. He's passing out underpants. No, you know in the movie when the guy signs up for the military and he comes to the counter and they plop the skivvies in the pants. That's what he does. He does supplies. All right, we'll take a little break. We'll be back.

1:18:51 Caller Hello, this is your radio. Love Line will be right back.

1:19:33 Adam Hey, hey, hey, Loveline! I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew. Elisa Donovan is our guest tonight. One of the newest members of Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, which is now in the WB.

1:19:47 Elisa Donovan Friday nights, 8 o'clock.

1:19:48 Adam 8 o'clock. And a little more TV IF for you.

1:19:52 Elisa Donovan Oh, that was for the Frog Network, I get it. I thought that was like a silent kind of, you know, nobody will be watching it.

1:19:59 Caller Like crickets, like crickets, right.

1:20:00 Drew He's got that too.

1:20:01 Adam No, we got that.

1:20:02 Caller No, no crickets. Okay. All right.

1:20:05 Adam That's it.

1:20:06 Caller Okay.

1:20:08 Adam I want to thank Boomer McInerney. Yep, McInerney. Is that a? I don't know why it's a little bit of a brain twister, that last name. Only when you read it. Boomer McInerney for writing me and Dr. Drew a very, very lovely letter. And we don't hear too many good things too often about this show, believe it or not.

1:20:30 Drew I'm impressed with the improvement of Adam's reading skill. You could not have read McInerney three, four years ago.

1:20:34 Adam Thank you. I had trouble tonight.

1:20:37 Drew No problem.

1:20:37 Adam Yes. For those who don't know it, I have a form of dyslexia. It's called being stupid, called not reading.

1:20:47 Drew No, you were gypped.

1:20:48 Adam I was gypped out of an education. Yes. I never learned to read or write or spell or do any of those good things all the other kids know how to do. But I'll tell you who's laughing now. Literally a millionaire. Literally.

1:21:00 Caller Yeah, whatever.

1:21:01 Adam Patrick? Yeah. You're 22 years old. What's up?

1:21:05 Caller Yeah. Well, I just got out of a long-term relationship about three months ago and ended up hooking up with this girl. We've been dating for about a month now and she sort of got out of the same deal.

1:21:15 Drew That quickly?

1:21:17 Caller Yeah.

1:21:18 Drew So both of you were barely out of a relationship, maybe six or eight weeks, and you started dating and it was hot and heavy right away?

1:21:25 Caller Yeah. Well, she's been out of it for a little bit longer. I think she was broken up with her boyfriend really about six months.

1:21:30 Drew Okay.

1:21:31 Adam So you must have dumped your old girlfriend.

1:21:33 Caller Yeah.

1:21:34 Drew For this one?

1:21:35 Caller Yeah. Well, no, no.

1:21:37 Drew He just didn't have any feelings about being dumped.

1:21:39 Adam Yeah. Because guys who got dumped, they're still busy parked out front of their house, crying and vandalizing her car. Especially if one of the gay guys do that. Come over there and spray some Aquanet on your car or something. That'll show her. Yeah.

1:22:00 Caller But I just got out of that relationship. I just ended it. We hooked up and recently, all of a sudden now she wants to, she feels she needs to resolve all these old issues with her ex-boyfriend.

1:22:13 Drew Like what?

1:22:14 Adam Now, wait a minute. Now, you broke up with your girlfriend. So for you, you're free and clear because it's a long-term relationship. You knew the thing was winding down a year before you dropped the axe, and you got out of it, and you're pretty free. You're ready to date six months before you got out of the relationship. But with her, who dumped who in her relationship?

1:22:33 Caller I think the final time they split, he broke up with her.

1:22:37 Adam See? Now, that's different. Now, she's wounded and still wanting him back.

1:22:40 Caller Wait, is she 22 also?

1:22:41 Caller No, she's 18.

1:22:42 Drew Ooh, this is worse.

1:22:44 Caller Oh, okay.

1:22:45 Caller I guess this is like some guy she's dated on and off all through high school.

1:22:47 Drew Exactly. What is the supposed issue that she has to finish with him?

1:22:51 Caller Well, I guess the whole thing is that every time they went out, you know, she always sort of did the heartbreaking.

1:22:56 Drew What is the issue she has to resolve with? Get to it, come on.

1:22:59 Caller Well, no, I guess he won't give her any reason of why it was ended.

1:23:03 Drew Well, it was six months ago. What the hell difference does it make?

1:23:05 Caller I have no idea.

1:23:06 Elisa Donovan Here's the thing. They're going to keep going back and forth because I was in one of those myself.

1:23:11 Adam Right.

1:23:11 Elisa Donovan And I hate to tell you, but she is not over this guy. And it's going to keep going back and forth for a little while longer.

1:23:18 Adam Elisa was talking off the air. He was still into his ex-boyfriend.

1:23:23 Caller No, this was a straight guy.

1:23:25 Caller This was a Marine.

1:23:26 Adam You didn't date a straight guy.

1:23:28 Caller I did.

1:23:28 Elisa Donovan I said I dated one extremely straight man who was an ex-Marine.

1:23:32 Drew The ex-Marine.

1:23:33 Elisa Donovan Yes.

1:23:34 Drew And you were 18? And he was already an ex-Marine?

1:23:37 Elisa Donovan Yes, he was 21. He was 21.

1:23:40 Adam No, Elisa was 18.

1:23:41 Drew Ex-Marine. That means he didn't finish.

1:23:43 Elisa Donovan Oh, he didn't do the whole, yeah, he didn't finish.

1:23:46 Caller What happened?

1:23:47 Caller He got an honorable discharge.

1:23:49 Caller Oh, sure.

1:23:49 Adam Did you see full metal jacket? He spun out in the barracks and Elisa was 15 and a half.

1:23:54 Elisa Donovan No, but my point being, at that age, I was 17 and he was 20 when we first met.

1:23:59 Caller 17 or 18.

1:24:00 Adam No, no, no, no.

1:24:01 Elisa Donovan Because I was thinking that we, maybe I was 17 or 18.

1:24:04 Caller But anyway, we were three years apart, three years apart.

1:24:09 Elisa Donovan But my point being that we went back and forth, he was like the love of my life, and we went back and forth and we broke up and we got together and we broke up.

1:24:17 Drew Just for the sake of our listeners that are engaged in that kind of relationship, now what do you think of that guy?

1:24:22 Elisa Donovan Okay, you know what?

1:24:24 Drew Just for the other 17-year-olds out that are obsessed inappropriately with 20-year-olds.

1:24:28 Caller Right.

1:24:29 Elisa Donovan Get out.

1:24:30 Caller Just get out of it.

1:24:32 Elisa Donovan You know what? I think I wish him really well. But? I hope he is very happy.

1:24:37 Caller But?

1:24:38 Elisa Donovan We are so not meant to be together. Why? Because he was incredibly controlling of me, totally manipulative, jealous, and my mom would always say, I don't understand why you're never happy. Like you should be happy with your boyfriend. It was just a sick, twisted thing, you know?

1:24:58 Drew I guess that sums it up.

1:25:00 Caller That sums it up.

1:25:01 Adam So, Patrick, here's the problem. She's 18. She has unfinished business with this guy. She's yo-yo'd with him a few times, and there's a couple more.

1:25:11 Caller Yo's.

1:25:13 Adam She's got to walk the dog a couple more times with that yo-yo before or do the cats in the cradle.

1:25:18 Elisa Donovan So, don't take it personally also.

1:25:20 Caller Well, I just thought it was healthy because she cheated me about it. She told me.

1:25:25 Caller She's putting you on notice.

1:25:26 Adam She's putting you on notice. That ain't healthy.

1:25:28 Caller Okay.

1:25:29 Adam Listen, what is healthy is that relationship is over. For whatever reason, her boyfriend didn't want to be in it anymore, and now she's moved on. But she can't move on. So, Patrick? Yes. Keep your eyes open. They're open. And smell her vagina. If you smell me like aqua-velva coming out of there.

1:25:52 Caller Some sort of a bulldog or some sort of a pug.

1:25:56 Adam I use one of those wands, a modified one they use at the airport.

1:26:00 Caller They have modified for that.

1:26:01 Drew What are you doing?

1:26:02 Adam Inventions. I wave it by the vagina to see if anything is coming off.

1:26:07 Drew Is that what you were installing in your door jam?

1:26:12 Adam Hey, this is a step up from the probe model I was using some years ago. Yeah, this is just a wand. Yeah. Oh boy. Oh, he's doomed. He's so doomed.

1:26:23 Drew He seems pretty realistic about it though.

1:26:25 Adam He is. Yeah. All right. But see, that is the difference. I knew he dumped his girlfriend because he was right onto it. No prom, free and clear. The fact that she was going back, I knew that she got dumped.

1:26:36 Elisa Donovan And also, girls just get, you know, we get like emotional about the whole thing and attached to things and, you know, it just takes longer and then you think about, oh, we went here and this song makes me cry and, you know, it just goes on and on. So it just takes a longer time.

1:26:51 Adam Girls have like stuffed animals they had when they were kids and memory glasses and, you know, roses.

1:26:56 Elisa Donovan I still have a leather, a piece of leather necklace that that guy that I was just talking about gave to me, you know, when I was 17. I still have it.

1:27:04 Drew Why?

1:27:05 Elisa Donovan Because I'm sick.

1:27:08 Drew So true. Sure she knew.

1:27:11 Adam Tina? Yeah. Yeah, you can't be too sick if you admit you're sick. Tina?

1:27:16 Drew No.

1:27:17 Caller Yeah, you're right.

1:27:19 Adam Tina, you're 18.

1:27:20 Caller Yeah.

1:27:21 Adam What's up?

1:27:22 Caller Recently, my boyfriend just told me that he's finding himself strongly attracted to a girl that we both work with.

1:27:30 Drew How did that come up? Oh, I think I know what road he's going down.

1:27:34 Adam He's working the three somewhere?

1:27:35 Drew Yeah.

1:27:36 Caller No, I don't know her.

1:27:39 Drew Why would he have told you that?

1:27:41 Caller Well, because actually he was helping me with some homework because I'm studying for psychiatry.

1:27:47 Drew I beg your pardon, psychiatry?

1:27:49 Caller Psychology.

1:27:51 Elisa Donovan Playback.

1:27:52 Adam You're 18?

1:27:52 Elisa Donovan Playback, it was psychiatry.

1:27:54 Drew Of course it was.

1:27:54 Adam All right.

1:27:55 Caller Psychology. I'm going into college for psychology.

1:27:58 Adam Junior college?

1:27:59 Caller Yeah.

1:28:00 Adam You don't have to study in junior college, baby. That's what she was telling me.

1:28:02 Caller I know that, but.

1:28:03 Adam Yeah, don't bother with that. Wait. Save that brain for the four year.

1:28:08 Elisa Donovan How old is she? 18?

1:28:09 Adam Okay. He told you. Now, how old is he?

1:28:12 Caller 19.

1:28:13 Adam You say you both work with this girl, but you don't know her?

1:28:16 Caller No, I've never met her.

1:28:17 Drew Why did he tell you this?

1:28:20 Caller Honestly, I don't know. He said that he felt as though he needed to tell me.

1:28:23 Drew This means he's already done something.

1:28:25 Adam Where do you guys work? At Shea Stadium? How is it you work at a place and you don't know who...

1:28:31 Caller There's several different departments.

1:28:33 Adam I see.

1:28:34 Caller I work in the entertainment division.

1:28:36 Adam I see.

1:28:36 Caller And he doesn't.

1:28:39 Adam I see. What kind of place is it?

1:28:42 Caller I can't really say over there.

1:28:45 Adam Farrells? Chuggy Cheese? No. You can't say over there?

1:28:48 Caller No.

1:28:48 Adam I'm very intrigued though. The entertainment division?

1:28:50 Caller It's nothing bad. No nudity.

1:28:52 Adam But is the entertainment division where they keep the big bucket of balls the kids run around in or is that it?

1:28:59 Caller No.

1:29:00 Adam No. It's not a Jimberry you work at?

1:29:03 Caller No.

1:29:03 Adam No. What's a Jimberry? What does this world come to?

1:29:07 Caller What is a Jimberry?

1:29:08 Adam Take your kids to the mall and they can beat the crap out of other kids in a padded room while you go to Bervin's. Isn't that how Jimberry works?

1:29:17 Drew That's awesome. What are you talking about?

1:29:18 Adam I walk by there.

1:29:19 Drew You wait till you have kids.

1:29:20 Adam I press my scrotum up against a glass.

1:29:22 Caller Oh my.

1:29:24 Drew Like a monkey.

1:29:26 Caller Put your butt up against. Yeah.

1:29:28 Adam I'll see you in therapy, I yell at the kids.

1:29:35 Caller All right.

1:29:36 Adam Hold on a second.

1:29:37 Caller I'm getting delirious.

1:29:38 Drew What's happening?

1:29:38 Adam Yeah. I've lost track of time.

1:29:40 Elisa Donovan So wait. Why did he ask you this?

1:29:42 Drew Why did he tell you this? Yeah.

1:29:43 Elisa Donovan Why did he tell you this?

1:29:44 Caller He said that he felt as though he needed to tell me.

1:29:46 Drew Why? What did you say? Why did you ask him why he needs to tell you?

1:29:50 Caller I don't know.

1:29:51 Drew All right. Look. He's either already into this, doing something, or he's going down some road to try to manipulate you. Right. There's some reason here.

1:29:58 Adam He either wants to break up or he wants to threesome.

1:30:01 Drew Right. Exactly. Or he's already done something and feels guilty about it.

1:30:03 Elisa Donovan Is that your question? Are you asking what is your question?

1:30:06 Caller My question is what should I do about it? I mean, should I meet her? Should I have them go out to see if there's something more there?

1:30:14 Adam You got a sister, baby?

1:30:15 Caller Let's get a buck out of this one.

1:30:16 Adam You got an older sister?

1:30:18 Caller No. Actually, I have a younger step-sister.

1:30:23 Adam Same dad, though? Same step-dad?

1:30:25 Caller No. Totally different dad, different mom. My mom's been in and out of marriages since I was two years old.

1:30:30 Drew No kidding.

1:30:31 Adam There we go.

1:30:32 Drew No kidding.

1:30:32 Adam Hey, baby, what's up with your self-esteem? It's not good, right?

1:30:36 Caller No, not at all.

1:30:37 Adam You had bad daddies?

1:30:39 Caller I don't know all of my dads. I only know about one dad.

1:30:43 Adam You only know one dad? I only got half a day.

1:30:45 Drew He was in a hole too, though.

1:30:46 Caller No, the one dad that I do know is actually my eighth stepdad, and he's the best person that I've ever met.

1:30:51 Drew How could you not have known some of those other dads?

1:30:54 Caller I was too young. I really don't know.

1:30:56 Drew Did your mom go through a marriage every month?

1:30:59 Caller Basically every year.

1:31:00 Drew That would mean you were eight when you met your last stepdad.

1:31:03 Caller Excuse me?

1:31:04 Drew That means you were eight or nine when you met your last stepdad.

1:31:07 Caller I was ten.

1:31:08 Drew What happened to the first ten years of your life?

1:31:11 Caller The first dad, when my brother was born, he ran out on us. My second one was in and out of jail.

1:31:19 Adam Who's your mom? Liz Taylor? No. How many brothers and sisters step or half or not do you have?

1:31:27 Caller I have one full brother. I have two step sisters and one step brother. The three step children are with the person that she's currently marrying.

1:31:38 Adam And how many times has your mom been married?

1:31:42 Caller About eight in the last 18 years.

1:31:44 Adam About eight. And you know when you're like number six or number seven, aren't you going in thinking it may not last, this may not be forever?

1:31:51 Caller I know. It's exactly what I've been trying to think myself, you know, and I'm just kind of scared that I'm showing some of the signs that I've seen.

1:31:57 Adam Tina, we're running late for break, but you know the thing I find funny about this whole thing? You know your mom has some sort of best friend who was like a maid of honor or something at all eight of her weddings, and maybe her parents are, maybe her. The point is, is there was a couple of people who are at all eight weddings. And at some point when the priest was saying-

1:32:17 Caller Said to anybody.

1:32:19 Caller No, I mean, there had to be some laughter back there.

1:32:21 Caller That's right.

1:32:22 Adam When they were reading vows.

1:32:24 Caller To death to us part.

1:32:29 Adam Larry. Yeah. When they're reading the vows and talking about how forever and growing old with and all that. Wasn't there someone drunk out there? I mean, I can tell you right now. If I was on my eighth wedding and Ray and Chris were out in the audience.

1:32:41 Caller Oh, Ray, your third.

1:32:43 Caller First.

1:32:44 Adam And I was out there saying, I will love you and cherish you in death and old age. And they would someone would some some wise ass would pack would pipe up and yell something out from the back.

1:32:56 Drew They'd be brought from the back.

1:32:57 Adam And by by eight, I'd be hit with a folding chair. And I'd be hit with a bucket of urine.

1:33:02 Drew Yeah.

1:33:03 Adam Thank you. All right. Tina, you don't feel good about yourself. Do not let this guy push you around. Do not let any man push you around except for me.

1:33:12 Caller If he was a jackass, he's an idiot.

1:33:14 Drew We know his jackass because he's with Tina.

1:33:15 Adam Yes. Do not be scared of being alone. Do not be scared of being with yourself. It's better to be alone than to be with an a-hole.

1:33:22 Elisa Donovan Yes. Very good point. Totally true. Thank you.

1:33:25 Adam We'll take a break.

1:33:26 Elisa Donovan You're a genius.

1:33:26 Adam Thank you.

1:34:06 Caller Hey, Loveline.

1:34:08 Adam Adam Corolla over here, Dr. Drew over there, Alyse Donovan over there too. The new show that she's on is Sabrina the Teenage Witch, WB, Friday Nights, 8 o'clock. Drew, does it feel like Thursday to you, or is that?

1:34:21 Caller That's so weird.

1:34:22 Caller I thought it was Thursday all day.

1:34:24 Adam Where did we get that? Why is that?

1:34:26 Drew Usually it's because there's some holiday or something, but there's nothing like that.

1:34:31 Caller I don't know what it is.

1:34:32 Adam Alyse, you got that vibe?

1:34:34 Elisa Donovan Literally, I thought that it was Thursday, yes. I'm not sure if it's that I'm going to New York on Saturday, so I want to get to Saturday, or that I'm just overtired.

1:34:43 Adam But why do we all have our own reasons why that is?

1:34:45 Drew Yeah, all simultaneously.

1:34:47 Adam How come people line up that way? Why they even mention it?

1:34:50 Elisa Donovan Yeah, and why did you?

1:34:51 Drew It has something to do with the heat.

1:34:53 Adam I have no idea what it is, but it just feels like Thursday to me. Chris?

1:34:57 Caller Bingo.

1:34:58 Drew Yes.

1:34:58 Adam Year 22, what's up?

1:35:00 Caller On that night, I have a question for Dr. Drew. Yeah. Me and my girlfriend, we know we have sex quite a bit, but sometimes I have to talk her into it, and sometimes when we're through or later on, she sometimes, I don't know if she's joking or not, but sometimes she says, I'm like, not her, she says it jokingly that I'm a rapist, and I don't know if she's joking.

1:35:25 Drew How often are you guys having sex?

1:35:27 Caller Well, pretty much like when I see her, sometimes it takes me a while. I mean, you know.

1:35:31 Drew How often?

1:35:34 Caller Oh, well, pretty much when I see her, because I only see her on the weekends.

1:35:38 Drew Oh, when he sees her, Adam. Oh, got that?

1:35:40 Elisa Donovan On the weekends, but you just see her on the weekends.

1:35:42 Adam Hold on.

1:35:43 Drew He didn't say that.

1:35:44 Adam You don't nail her when you're not in the same room?

1:35:46 Drew When you don't see her, you're not with her?

1:35:47 Adam You're not banging the bejesus out of her from across the country or on the other side of the state or anything like that.

1:35:53 Drew And you see her, what, once a year?

1:35:54 Adam Drew, you said you had girlfriends you used to nail all the time from different parts of the city.

1:36:00 Caller Come on, please give me a break. I'm a little nervous.

1:36:03 Adam How often do you have sex?

1:36:05 Caller I just said if you guys would have been listening when I see her on the weekends.

1:36:10 Drew How often?

1:36:11 Caller Let's go back. How often?

1:36:13 Caller Okay, probably about maybe during that weekend, probably once or twice.

1:36:17 Drew So once or twice a week?

1:36:19 Caller Yes.

1:36:21 Drew And you have to really pressure her every time?

1:36:23 Caller Oh, no. I mean, I don't hold her down and gag her.

1:36:26 Drew Do you have to pressure her every time?

1:36:29 Caller No. No. You know, she's...

1:36:32 Elisa Donovan Do you... But you always initiate it, right?

1:36:34 Caller Yes. More or less. I'm the one.

1:36:36 Adam All right. Well, listen, why don't you... And this could just be... I had a girlfriend. I used to call her Monkey Nipples. She called me her little rapist. And it was just one of those things. It doesn't always mean it's a bad thing.

1:36:48 Drew But you wonder, it's once a week, and he has to pressure into it. And I wonder what's going on there.

1:36:54 Adam Why?

1:36:55 Elisa Donovan Just a little bit.

1:36:56 Drew Resistance.

1:36:57 Adam I didn't get the part why it's only a weekend thing. Is she coming in from somewhere or something?

1:37:02 Caller No. No. I live out of town now. No, it isn't every weekend that it's like this. It's just every now and then.

1:37:09 Adam No. But what I mean is if someone lives out, you live out of town.

1:37:12 Caller Yes.

1:37:12 Adam So you come into town and see her. Yes. Okay. Well, listen, I'll tell you what to do. You sound like a decent enough guy. Why don't you just say to her next time she says it or even you bring it up. You say, you know, the other week you called me a rapist. I thought about it a little bit. Kind of hurt my feelings.

1:37:26 Drew It doesn't bother me. I don't want to.

1:37:27 Adam Kind of bothered me. Yeah. And what would you mean by that? And if you did mean something, let's talk about it.

1:37:34 Drew And then talk to her about.

1:37:35 Adam Now, how about a BJ?

1:37:36 Drew How you feel about her as a sexual person and what those things mean to you and how much you care about her. And realize that women really, correct me if I'm wrong, hate the pressure thing.

1:37:45 Caller Hate, hate it.

1:37:48 Drew And it becomes like.

1:37:49 Elisa Donovan And then it becomes more than what it is.

1:37:51 Drew Then it's no. They immediately it's no.

1:37:53 Caller Yes.

1:37:53 Drew As soon as there's pressure. And then it.

1:37:55 Elisa Donovan And they start to not like you then.

1:37:56 Drew You feel objectified. You feel. Yes.

1:37:58 Adam Right. Here's how I work. We'll do a little role playing. Elisa, you help me out. You be the woman.

1:38:03 Elisa Donovan No.

1:38:05 Adam See if you get in touch with that party or doesn't want to have sex with me. You want some time? Are you afraid you got it?

1:38:10 Elisa Donovan Yeah, I don't know if we have enough time. Okay.

1:38:11 Adam You got it?

1:38:12 Elisa Donovan I got it.

1:38:12 Adam I got it.

1:38:13 Drew Here's your through line.

1:38:14 Adam Here's my technique. This is how I get the ladies. Hey, feeling a little amorous. You want to head up to the bedroom?

1:38:21 Elisa Donovan No.

1:38:22 Adam Okay. Hey, whatever. Oh, come on. All right. Yeah. You see how that works? Give them a little beat. Let them think about it for a minute. You got to pretend like you don't want it for a minute too. And then the bagging begins. You thirsty? You want some 151 or teal or something? So, well, wait a minute. I know it's noon, but it is a weekend. I mean, I'm just saying, it's pretty hot outside. You want some Everclear or something like that? Or like some roofies or ether or something?

1:38:54 Caller Some ether.

1:38:56 Caller I got ether upstairs.

1:38:58 Adam I got some bathtub gin. You want some of that? All right, Drew, where the hell are we going?

1:39:02 Drew We're going to break.

1:39:03 Adam No, we're not. Yeah, we are.

1:39:04 Caller How dare you.

1:39:05 Adam All right, we'll be back.

1:39:07 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:39:42 Adam 500 is less than my normal day rate.

1:39:44 Drew I'm sure of that. We'll take y'all 10 minutes.

1:39:46 Elisa Donovan Go for the cannonball, that's all I'm saying.

1:39:48 Adam That's right.

1:39:49 Elisa Donovan Go for the cannonball.

1:39:51 Adam Elisa Donovan, everyone. I wanna thank you very much for coming in, Elisa.

1:39:55 Caller I've had, it's just been absolutely my pleasure.

1:39:59 Adam Yeah, and let's not take such a break next time.

1:40:02 Elisa Donovan I know, it's been way too long.

1:40:03 Drew Three years, right?

1:40:05 Elisa Donovan A long time. Well, when I did the show more recently than three years, the TV show.

1:40:09 Drew No, it was about three years ago.

1:40:10 Elisa Donovan Was it really?

1:40:11 Drew Yeah.

1:40:12 Adam Well, the point is, let's not go so long.

1:40:14 Elisa Donovan Okay, absolutely not.

1:40:16 Adam We got to recapture this magic again within, I'd say, 18 months this time.

1:40:20 Elisa Donovan Right, we'll split it in half.

1:40:22 Adam Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Friday Night, www.wb8o'clock. Thank you, Elisa. Until next time, Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew, saying mahalo. I'm the smartest of all the blue collar guys, and I'm stupid.

1:40:33 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, September 20, 2000