Episode 1000754887026

2:46 Now it's time for Loveline on Zone 105.

3:00 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

3:07 Voiceover Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, coast to coast.

3:14 Adam Yeah, it's funny, Andrew.

3:15 Drew Oh, my God. Are we on air radio?

3:17 Adam Yeah, this is radio.

3:18 All right.

3:19 Adam Let's get it. I know you don't know the difference anymore. It's just a big celebrity.

3:22 Hey, it's Loveline and Adam Corolla.

3:24 Adam Well, as Dr. Drew over there, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Carrot Top is going to be in here in just a couple of moments. The phenomenon known as Carrot Top is going to be in here. I got to find out about that Vegas.

3:45 Drew What about it?

3:46 Adam See what he's pulling in.

3:47 Drew Oh, yeah. Why don't you figure out a way that you can get up there and do something?

3:49 Adam Do Vegas? No.

3:51 Drew Why? Yo, it's too far for you.

3:53 Adam I'm no draw.

3:53 Drew You can't get to Culverton.

3:54 Adam I'm not a draw like Carrot Top is. All right. So Carrot Top's run a little bit late and God knows where he is, but I think he may got locked in that trunk of his. He's going to be in here in just a few minutes. Until then, we'll go to Colson and Sane Clown Posse tomorrow night. Always a delight for those young gents.

4:12 Drew You'll be packing tomorrow night?

4:14 Yeah.

4:15 Adam I'm bringing, I'm going to smuggle a shiv in through the metal detector. Little, little insurance in case the posse gets out of hand.

4:22 Drew Andy, 18.

4:24 Adam What's up there, Andy?

4:25 Oh, man.

4:27 All right, man, I've been trying to go home, you guys, forever.

4:30 Adam All right.

4:30 Drew There we go.

4:31 Adam, you're definitely the main man, man, ace.

4:34 Adam Thank you.

4:34 Andrew, well, you're a pretty cool, pretty cool guy, too.

4:37 Drew Yeah.

4:38 Okay. Okay.

4:39 Adam All right.

4:39 Well, here's my question.

4:40 Adam Yeah.

4:41 Okay. Every time I, I just started having sex about two weeks ago. Yeah. And every time we've done it, I'm having a huge problem with losing myself to a man.

4:53 Drew How early?

4:57 Maybe a couple of minutes.

4:59 Drew That's, that's 18 and the newness of it all. That would be normal.

5:02 Adam Are you losing your erection or are you losing your chi and then your erection?

5:08 Drew Oh, you don't, you don't ejaculate.

5:10 Oh, I do.

5:11 Drew Yeah. And then he loses his chi.

5:13 Not on a regular basis, not since, well, about two weeks ago. Cause that's, that's when I first noticed the problem. And then I started doing it probably about daily.

5:23 Drew I'd say having sex or masturbating, masturbating. And did that help you in the, in the real thing?

5:30 Well, I tried it for about three days. And then the next time it sure didn't seem to help very much. Okay.

5:36 Adam When I'm a little bit confused, are you losing your erection or are you having premature ejaculation when you're with a woman?

5:43 Okay.

5:44 Adam Which one?

5:45 Okay. I'm having sex. Which one?

5:47 Drew Which is it?

5:49 I'm not really sure.

5:50 Drew He doesn't know what it means.

5:51 Adam Are you losing your erection? The erection is the hard thing that your penis turns into sometimes in the middle of the night, other times in the middle of biology class when you've chosen to wear sweatpants and no underwear.

6:04 Yeah.

6:04 Adam Or that's your erection. Are you losing that erection when you're with a woman? Or are you having premature ejaculation, which is deliquid, not urine, not pee-pee, but the white stuff that comes out of that erection when you're having sex?

6:22 Drew In a climax.

6:24 Adam Which one is it?

6:25 It would be premature ejaculation.

6:27 Okay.

6:28 Drew So, you're two weeks into his... He's never had sex before, he's two weeks into it, he's excited, he's trying to masturbate more, he's trying to get control of things.

6:37 Adam All bets are off.

6:38 Drew Yeah, you're on the right road, it's going to take a little while to work this out. Just don't freak out about it.

6:43 Adam See, guys are a little embarrassed about the shooting their gun off too early, so they say, I lose my erection or I lose it halfway into it.

6:53 Drew Well, actually, they wouldn't care if the erection kept going.

6:57 Adam Right.

6:57 Drew You know what I mean?

6:58 Adam Yes, but everyone loses their erection after climax.

7:01 Drew During refractoryness.

7:01 Adam Except for Drew, because he's a very passionate, passionate man.

7:05 Drew Didn't you tell me though, that you didn't even get a chance to remove the gun from the holster first time out, right?

7:14 Adam How dare you? And how dare you bring that up? That did not happen. The first time out, I did not achieve an orgasm.

7:27 Drew You've been a ninja.

7:28 Adam Is that what you're talking about?

7:29 Drew I thought you had a...

7:30 Adam No, never. Never in my life.

7:33 Drew You've been the ninja ever since.

7:35 Adam Never had an orgasm in the presence of a woman that I didn't want to have.

7:41 Yeah.

7:42 Adam See?

7:44 Yeah. Drew?

7:46 Yeah.

7:46 I was reading in time about early female mature.

7:52 Adam Yeah.

7:52 And they quoted you and you said that MTV was one of the factors in early puberty.

7:59 Adam Oh, is that the new issue of time?

8:02 Drew I find that kind of interesting because I remember doing an interview. I wasn't aware it was for time. And they were sort of like pushing me. What about this? What about that? And I said, Well, look, there's all this provocative stimulation and we don't know whether or not that could induce something like early puberty. There's all sorts of theories about what's in your milk and what's in your beef and what's in the chicken and the hormones circulating around. But a lot of the theories are about the kind of stimulation kids are getting. And if you look at MTV, that's a pretty stimulating, provocative kind of thing.

8:33 I think it's weird how they were pushing you and then they said that your quote was nutty.

8:37 Drew I'll have to see it.

8:39 Adam Did they say it was nutty?

8:40 Yeah, yeah, yeah, they did.

8:42 Adam Nice.

8:42 Oh, at mayonnaise, you kick ass.

8:43 Adam Yeah, thanks. What are you doing reading Time magazine at 14? I'm 36. I won't read that brag. It's too boring.

8:50 Yeah, I have to do my work. Really?

8:54 Adam Will you go to a prep school?

8:56 No, no, actually, I go to Beverly High. All right.

8:58 Adam Well, that's like a prep school. Beverly Hills High has an oil well on the property. For those of you who don't know Beverly Hills High, they think it's a joke. It isn't.

9:10 Drew That whole area used to be just oil field.

9:11 Adam They got an oil well pumping out on the property and they got the swim gym there. They got the basketball floor that opens up with the gym, with the pool underneath it.

9:22 Drew Is that the one from?

9:23 Adam Yeah, it's A Wonderful Life.

9:25 Drew It's A Wonderful Life.

9:25 Adam Was that the movie?

9:26 Drew Yeah, that's where the floor opens up and they fall in. Is that the one?

9:29 Adam That's it.

9:30 Drew Wow.

9:31 Adam Yeah, so that's not like a regular high school.

9:33 Drew I guess not.

9:34 Adam Very nice. Very nice over there.

9:36 Drew Well, Time Magazine, that's interesting.

9:38 Adam Yeah, all right, we'll have to pick that up. And why do you think girls, and how is this documented?

9:43 Drew It's not documented. I certainly have no business.

9:45 Adam No, not MTV. I mean, girls having their puberty earlier.

9:48 Drew Oh, that's known to be happening. That's just happened.

9:51 Adam What it used to be?

9:52 Drew Older. I don't know the number.

9:54 Adam Is the onset of puberty mean when you start your period?

9:57 Drew Basically.

9:58 Adam And that used to be 13 and a half, 14?

10:02 Drew It's now it's dropping. It's been dropping in recent years.

10:06 Adam Yeah, do they know if it's been dropping for 200 years?

10:10 Drew No.

10:10 Adam They only know for the last 75, 100?

10:13 Drew As I understand, it's been dropping for the last 20 years.

10:15 Right, all right.

10:16 Adam And how could that be stimulation? You know what I mean? From the environment. Wouldn't that have to be hormones or something?

10:24 Drew You don't know. They don't know.

10:26 Adam I know.

10:27 Drew That's the point. And that needs to be, it needs to be studied. That's my point. I mean, bizarre. They would quote me in that. That's just bizarre.

10:32 Adam But don't you think it's like a Yoo-hoo and McNuggets that are causing that?

10:36 Drew Possibly.

10:36 Adam And radiated fruit?

10:39 Drew I don't know.

10:40 Adam And depleted ozone? It's not from watching stuff. Could it be?

10:44 Drew Why not? Why not from the excessively, excessively provocative section?

10:48 Adam I don't know, because it's a biological phenomenon. But it didn't seem like it'd be brought on by a sort of factor that wasn't ingested somehow. Do you know what I'm saying?

11:00 Drew Yeah.

11:01 Adam All right. Tina?

11:03 Yeah.

11:03 Adam You're just looking to blame anything on MTV, aren't you? Tina, you're 19.

11:07 Caller Yeah.

11:08 Caller What's up?

11:11 Caller This just started happening recently, but whenever I have sex, it kind of hurts to the point where it gets like really dry down there and it starts hurting really bad, like a burning sensation.

11:22 Adam Right.

11:23 Caller And I don't know.

11:24 Drew That's normal for when it's dry.

11:27 Adam When does it? How long does it take to get dry?

11:29 Caller Like maybe a couple of minutes.

11:32 Adam So it happens pretty quick.

11:33 Caller Yeah.

11:34 Drew With the same guy?

11:35 Caller Yeah.

11:36 Drew And are you into that relationship?

11:37 Caller Yeah.

11:38 Adam You are?

11:38 Caller Yeah.

11:39 Adam You love him?

11:40 Caller Yeah.

11:40 Adam You get sexually attracted to him?

11:42 Caller Yeah, I am.

11:43 Adam Really?

11:43 Caller Yeah.

11:44 Adam You sure you're not even thinking about this? You're answering too quickly. I don't trust you. Why do you think?

11:50 Drew I mean, your body suggests something different.

11:52 Adam Yeah.

11:52 Drew Maybe.

11:53 Adam We usually when a woman, I mean, when a woman dries up and she's not on medication or drunk or something, it means she's not so turned on.

12:01 Drew Typically.

12:02 Adam Tina?

12:03 Caller Yeah.

12:04 Adam Believe me, I know. Could it be that you're not turned on?

12:08 Caller I don't think so.

12:09 Adam All right. You have no problem with the guy?

12:11 Caller No, not at all.

12:12 Adam Is love making is satisfactory?

12:15 Caller Yeah.

12:15 Adam Has this ever happened before?

12:17 Caller It's happened a few times before. Yeah.

12:19 Adam With other guys?

12:20 Caller No.

12:21 Drew You're on no medication? No birth control pills?

12:24 Caller Nope.

12:26 Adam Is he wearing a condom?

12:27 Caller No.

12:29 Adam How about some lubrication?

12:31 Caller We use lubrication.

12:35 Adam Doesn't work?

12:36 Caller No.

12:37 Adam It still dries up?

12:38 Caller Yeah.

12:39 Drew Do you have pap smears?

12:40 Caller It still hurts really bad afterwards.

12:41 Drew Well, the drying is sure. Do you have pap smears regularly?

12:44 Caller No.

12:44 Drew How come?

12:45 Caller I don't know.

12:47 Drew You're sexually active? You're 19?

12:49 Caller Yeah.

12:49 Drew What's the deal?

12:50 Caller I don't know.

12:51 Drew Wouldn't this be time to go do that?

12:53 Caller Probably.

12:54 Drew Get checked out. See if there's anything else going on that could be contributing to this?

12:57 Caller Yeah.

12:58 Adam All right. Why don't you do that?

13:00 Caller Okay.

13:00 Adam Can you just use some more lube if the old lube you had was sucked up by that shop vac you got down there?

13:06 Drew What kind of lube are you using?

13:08 Caller Astro Glide.

13:10 Adam Isn't that thin?

13:10 Drew No. It's supposed to be good. Yeah.

13:11 Adam But wait a minute. Now, what about something that's got a little viscosity to it?

13:16 Drew Well, presumably they're using condoms.

13:19 Adam Lithium grease.

13:20 Drew Condoms.

13:20 Adam No. They're not using a condom.

13:22 Drew What are they using for contraception? Wait a minute.

13:23 Adam Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

13:25 Drew What are you using for contraception?

13:27 Caller We're not.

13:28 Adam All right.

13:29 Drew Oh, please, Tina. Come on.

13:30 Adam Yeah. You think that dry penis. Wait till that dry baby head comes out of there. You're going to die.

13:36 Caller Ouch!

13:39 Adam Please. You're going to get pregnant, right?

13:43 Caller Probably. I was hoping not, though.

13:46 Adam Yeah. How does it work? You just take your life and just sort of hang it out the window into the wind and just see what blows in.

13:52 Drew And another person's life.

13:53 Adam Do you know what I mean?

13:54 Caller Yeah.

13:56 Adam Can you take some charge of your life?

14:00 Caller Yeah, I could.

14:01 Adam All right. But you don't want to?

14:05 Caller No, I could.

14:06 Caller All right.

14:06 Adam Why don't you do something before you get pregnant?

14:08 Caller Okay.

14:09 Adam All right, good ball.

14:10 Drew When you go see the doctor, get a contraceptive.

14:12 Caller Okay.

14:13 Drew All right?

14:13 Caller Okay. Thank you. All right.

14:14 Adam Drew, what about lube that's got some viscosity?

14:18 Drew I mean, that would be petroleum based.

14:20 Adam Why? They can't make water base that has some thickness to it? What about you do what I do? You take Astraglide and you put a little flower in it. You thicken it up like you're making gravy.

14:30 Drew Paint paper mache.

14:32 Caller Yeah.

14:32 Adam I go one part, one 45 ounce bottle of Astraglide to one pound sack of gold metal Durham flour. Make a nice paste, put that on the Johnson.

14:46 Drew How about some of your talc?

14:48 Adam I put a nice bead of creamery butter down the middle of it later on.

14:53 Caller Yeah.

14:53 Adam What if I take a talc and mix that with Astraglide? Make sort of a lube putty that smells good. Vaginal putty. What do you think, Drew?

15:02 Drew No.

15:03 Adam Drew, but what about lube? I know that Astraglide, it's like water.

15:07 Drew Really?

15:08 Adam Yeah. You've seen me put that on my head, right? When we travel?

15:11 Drew Yeah.

15:12 Adam Okay. Here's my point. If you put that on, I mean, okay, here's what I want to say. I know about mechanics and I know that if you don't take axles and put oil on them because it dissipates way too quickly, you put grease on it, right? So it won't dissipate, right? So it won't go anywhere. This is dissipating. I mean, you take lubrication, put it on your penis, it falls off. What about really?

15:39 Drew Viscous petroleum.

15:40 Adam I'm talking about packing some on. I think that's why does it have to be petroleum based to be viscous? Couldn't something be, you know what I'm saying?

15:48 Drew Imagine there's something, I don't know why.

15:50 Adam Not everything that's thick is petroleum based. Cool Whip isn't petroleum based. Whatever.

15:56 Caller You know what I'm saying?

15:56 Drew I just don't know what that would be.

15:57 Adam All right. Why don't you work on that?

16:00 Caller Ricky?

16:01 Caller Yeah.

16:01 Adam What's up?

16:02 Caller Hey, do you have any more stories about like the parrot that you told last night? Any more bird stories?

16:08 Adam I was talking about the Macaw that worked at the gym I used to work at.

16:12 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

16:13 Adam I used to take my stopwatches and crush it in its beak. Yeah. I don't have any more those stories.

16:20 Drew Why bird stories, Ricky?

16:22 Adam Yeah. Why do you want to hear another bird story?

16:23 Caller Because I was laughing my ass off last night.

16:26 Caller It was so hilarious.

16:27 Caller Can you believe that bird?

16:29 Adam It would walk all the way across the ropes to get to my stopwatch and then crush it with its beak.

16:34 Caller Yeah.

16:35 Caller That's why I was laughing so hard.

16:36 Caller Yeah.

16:37 Adam Times were tight back then, too. That thing was like 18 bucks for one of those digital ones. It put the beak right through it. How bizarre was it that I would bring the one that he already broke and use it as a decoy. It would go around that one and get to the new one. Parrot. You know the thing about a macaw or any parrot? They're hard to discipline. Think about that for a second. A bird does something.

16:59 Caller A dog does something wrong.

17:00 Adam You hear it in the rolled up newspaper.

17:03 Caller You're going into the... Hey, mister.

17:05 Adam I like when you start talking. Your dog, you're calling it mister. Mister, you can go down to the basement and you can just think about what you did to daddy's bathrobe.

17:14 Caller Just go down there and think.

17:15 Adam Just think about it.

17:16 Caller Don't you...

17:17 Adam Think. I want you to think about it. Think about what you did. Animals are easy. Kids, even cats, you can whack with something. But a macaw, what do you do with that thing when it goes wrong? You punish it? You smack it?

17:31 Caller Take your finger off.

17:32 Adam You try to smack it. Or a bunch of feathers are going flying around and start screaming.

17:36 Caller And birds, you could break them.

17:38 Caller You don't know.

17:39 Caller Right.

17:39 Adam A dog, you put a boot in their ass.

17:41 Caller They're like, ah, get out of here.

17:42 Adam You're fine.

17:43 Caller Bird, you don't know what it is.

17:45 Adam A bone, it's like paper thin. It's like a little chicken rib bone or something. There's nothing you can do to a macaw. No way to discipline that. You go into your cage and you think about what you did to my stopwatch.

18:02 Caller All right.

18:03 Adam Heather?

18:04 Caller Yes.

18:05 Adam Look at him. He knows he did wrong.

18:07 Caller Look at him. Yeah, that's right. You did wrong. You think about it. How did you like that? Come over there and crush your nut ball. Yeah, it's not so funny anymore, is it? No. Next time, that salt stick you chew on. All right, come over there and crush that. You're not laughing anymore, are you, Mr. McCaw? That's right. I don't feel good, does it?

18:32 Drew Hey, Ricky, don't you wish you hadn't started this? Heather, 23.

18:37 Caller Don't make me put the sheet over the, I'll put the sheet over the goddamn cage right after you. You'll think it's nighttime.

18:44 Drew Heather?

18:45 Caller I'll take it off at night. You'll think it's daytime. What do you think of that? I'll give you, I'll give you a macaw jet lag. It'll make me come over there. All right.

18:55 Okay. Here's my question.

19:01 Caller Yeah, you think Friday was Grub Worm Day? Not anymore.

19:05 Caller Not anymore. Oh, no.

19:07 Caller Friday. Friday's just been switched to Sunflower Day.

19:11 Caller Yeah.

19:12 Caller Yeah, not so funny now, is it?

19:14 Caller You think about what you did. That's right.

19:16 Adam You hang your head.

19:18 Caller You hang your head.

19:19 Adam Good. That's right.

19:21 Caller I'm sorry, Heather.

19:22 That's okay.

19:22 Caller Go ahead.

19:23 All right. Is it possible for a five-year-old to have an orgasm?

19:29 Drew Male?

19:30 Female. Coming from my own background.

19:35 Drew No. You could have something.

19:37 Adam How do you know?

19:38 You didn't have it now.

19:40 Listen.

19:40 Adam What happened to you at five?

19:43 There was another friend of mine, a boyfriend, like a boy that was a friend who was five and then a nine-year-old. They're like, oh, do this. This feels really good. I was like, all right. I didn't know what I was doing when I was five years old. So I did and it felt really good. There was a burst, that kind of thing. I continued to do it until the age I am now. I think by the time I was like 12, I realized what it was. So I'm just wondering, is that normal or is that-

20:14 Drew Didn't it change in character when you were around 12?

20:18 It got more intense, but it was still that burst and then just afterwards. If that makes any sense.

20:26 Adam Well, all right. So you have one now and now you would consider that an orgasm, right? I mean, whatever you do now.

20:34 Yeah, but it, as I remember, it felt almost the same when I was five.

20:39 Drew Are you sexually active now?

20:41 Off and on. Yes, I have been.

20:44 Drew How have your relationships been?

20:45 My relationships, I haven't really had a serious one until recently because I've always ran.

20:52 Drew You've always run?

20:53 Yeah.

20:54 Drew What does that mean?

20:55 I've like three months into relationship, I get either really bored, I get scared and I go away.

20:59 Adam I see. All right. So did anyone fiddle with you when you were little?

21:04 Not that I can remember. I mean, just those boys that are showing me what to do. I've been this way ever since I was young though. I mean, I can remember doing things at five that I wouldn't even think about doing until I'm this age now.

21:18 Drew Like what?

21:21 Like, I don't know if I can-

21:23 Adam Just gave a rim job to a trucker.

21:25 Yeah. Well, something like that. Something like that, but on a boy my age.

21:29 Drew When you were five?

21:30 Yeah. And like, I remember this girl that we would-

21:33 Adam You gave a rim job to a guy at five?

21:36 Well, what I thought was, I mean, I, you know, it wasn't like complete obviously, but also I, you know, would get in dress with other girls.

21:46 Adam What's the five or six year old dude doing?

21:49 Caller Yeah, bitch, come on.

21:50 Caller That's right.

21:51 Adam Yeah.

21:51 Caller Yeah, you love it. Yeah. Yeah.

21:54 Adam No, no, keep the pigtails. Yeah, it's great.

21:56 Caller Yeah.

21:56 Adam What the hell's the guy? What the hell's the guy doing at five? I see. How do you even process that?

22:01 Drew Yeah, I know.

22:02 Adam See, do, make messy on my boobie. I wouldn't know what the hell. I'm 36. I wouldn't know what to do if someone put their tongue in my ass.

22:11 Drew Heather, this is not normal. We would suspect that there was some more overt sexual abuse than just-

22:19 I can't remember.

22:19 Caller Seriously, I can't remember.

22:20 Drew What the boys did to you was a form of sexual abuse, which was-

22:24 Even though they were the same age as I?

22:26 Drew Child on child sexual abuse is one of the most common forms of sexual abuse. Children that are abused by adults go out there and abuse other children.

22:34 Adam But here's the proof. Were you raised around a bird?

22:39 Caller No, but I caught one.

22:41 Caller Good. Kill it.

22:43 Adam Listen, the proof is you cannot hold down a relationship now.

22:48 Drew That's chaos.

22:48 Adam So why don't you look into that?

22:50 Drew And that you were acting out sexually on other children. That is sexual abuse of other children.

22:55 Caller Oh, I did that to other kids?

22:57 Drew Yeah.

22:57 Adam Well, hold on a sec. No, listen, you getting a rim job at age six is not sexual abuse. That's just the kind of self-esteem my family never gave me I could have used. Feel good about myself.

23:08 Caller Unacceptable.

23:09 Adam You know what I mean, Drew?

23:10 Caller Even though I didn't know what I was doing. I mean...

23:12 Adam Oh, baby.

23:14 Drew That's what that is. Somebody, some adult introduces this sexual material to a child that doesn't, that can't, isn't, the brain isn't able to process it. And the child starts acting that out.

23:25 Adam Drew, there are kids who get into this without being victims that way.

23:30 Caller So does that mean I probably might have screwed somebody else up?

23:33 Adam No. Listen, Heather, it's, you know, the female mind is much more frail than the male psyche. Those guys are fine. They're fine. The only thing you did to them, you gave them carpal tunnel syndrome from high-fiving. They're buddies in kindergarten. So listen, Heather, you get a little therapy. Try to figure out what's going on with the relationships in the here and now. Don't beat yourself up for the little encounter she had when you were younger. And then don't freak yourself out too much about it. Just focus on why you're not having a relationship now.

24:04 Caller Well, I'm very, I mean, like, I'm a very sexual person now, too.

24:08 Drew I understand.

24:09 Adam That we got.

24:10 Drew All your feelings become sexualized as a result of early exposure. OK, so you don't process feelings normally. You sexualize them. You just sound familiar. Yeah, I mean, I mean, every time, every time that overwhelming endorsement, every time you have a sexual experience, you're that five year old kid again, right? Does that kind of thing?

24:31 Adam No, yeah, yeah. All right, Heather. Yeah, I get a little therapy on baby.

24:35 Thank you.

24:36 Adam There you go. All right, listen, I know it sounds it sounds too convenient, but Heather is someone who needs to just talk to somebody.

24:42 Oh, yeah.

24:43 Adam And not us.

24:44 Drew But what she did to the other kids is significant. Significant.

24:49 Adam No.

24:49 Drew Significant.

24:50 Adam No. No. There's a six year old boy who she put her tongue in his butt and he's fine. Believe you me.

24:57 Drew You don't you don't bear on six girls very much.

24:59 Adam No, I know.

25:01 Drew They would they would freak out.

25:03 Adam No, no, apparently they didn't. They held still. Let her do it.

25:08 Drew Yeah. Then then they become that victim role.

25:11 Adam No, no, no. How dare you, Drew? I know you have how old are your kids now? Seven?

25:16 Drew Almost eight.

25:16 Adam Almost eight. Jesus. That's enough with the aging. Plenty. It's like I met you. The kids were what? Three. And now they're eight. This is getting out of hand. Enough.

25:31 Drew You're pushing on for you, big guy.

25:34 Adam How dare you? How dare you bring that up in front of the kids? I'm 36 years young.

25:41 Caller That's right.

25:42 Adam That's right. It's very funny. Please. What are you? What are you? You got one foot in a grave and the other in a bucket and a third in a poor house. How dare you bring that up?

25:54 Caller All right.

25:54 Adam We'll take ourselves a little break.

25:55 Caller Carrot Top is here. Yes.

25:57 Adam He'll be in here in just a second. We'll talk to him after this.

26:03 Caller LoveLine will be right back.

26:05 Caller So get your problems ready. You're listening to LoveLine on Outrageous Talk Radio, 100.7 The Bugs.

26:30 Adam Hey, Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. He is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Insane Clown Posse in Tomorrow Night, and the Insane Clown. Flying Solo tonight, Carrot Top has just entered the studio.

26:44 Carrot Top Sorry I'm late.

26:44 Adam Good to see you.

26:47 Drew He was telling us a Jay Leno story.

26:48 Carrot Top No, I was on the Tonight Show last night. I wish I was here last night so I could say, watch me, but then again, it would conflict with your show probably.

26:55 Drew So, right, you were there.

26:56 Carrot Top I was with Jay and I said, I'm doing with my set and they always, as clockwork, hey, good stuff, then Carrot Top. When you go back over to the set, right? Yeah, you go over and say, yeah, good set, Carrot Top. And I said, hey, after the show, come check out my new car. He loves cars and bikes. Right. Of course, I don't own a bike. I own Harley boots. That's the only thing I own, Harley. So, I said, come check out my car. He's like, what you get? I'm like, it's a fag car. He's like, what kind of car? I'm like, it's a, you know, it's a, cause he likes these muscle cars, you know. I'm like, it's a, you know, BMW, whatever. He's like, BMW, what kind of BMW? I'm like, unless the X5, it's like a SUV. Right. It's like, you know, in his eyes, it's a fag car. Well, it's a cool car.

27:34 Adam To be fair, it's for huskier fags.

27:37 It's a huskier fag, right?

27:39 Carrot Top It's got a 4.4, like, you know, it's a monster engine. I mean, this thing's faster than I'm, you know. So, I said, come on and check out this car. And he says, well, I can't, I gotta go to Vegas and do a show at the Venetian. So, my buddy and I are like Venetian. I said, it's got to be like 100 grand or more. I mean, Jay Leno is going to do his private party.

27:57 Caller Right.

27:57 Carrot Top After doing Tonight Show, after putting it with me and then go do that and then come back.

28:01 Caller Right.

28:02 Carrot Top For 100 grand. We're just talking about Vegas off the air.

28:05 Caller How much was it?

28:06 Carrot Top I don't know. That's what I'm saying. It may have been even more than 100 grand, but we're talking about money in the way. I was on the freeway listening to you say, we gotta talk about Carrot Top, about the kind of money it's pulling in. And I'm thinking, I'm not pulling in Leno cash. I mean, you know. No, but I'm pulling in Carrot Cash. I mean, Carrot Cash and Leno Cash is a whole big deal. I got props, man. I know it's gonna be. Here's a boot with a kickstand on it. You're like, yeah, it's 100 grand. No, it doesn't happen that way.

28:27 Adam Carrot Cash is redeemable at the buffet at Circus Circus, by the way. But speaking of, all right, so you're in Vegas. You're in Vegas, what? Ten days at a time, a week at a time?

28:38 Carrot Top Yeah, usually two weeks, which is a week longer than you want to be there. I mean, Vegas is nuts. I don't gamble, so I have nothing to do except drugs, drugs.

28:45 Adam Exactly.

28:46 Carrot Top It keeps me going, baby.

28:47 Adam Transvestites, and so you go... Crack whores, come on, baby. I was being polite and calling them transvestites, and you...

28:53 Carrot Top I'm gonna say crack whores.

28:55 Adam Do you do two shows a night?

28:58 Carrot Top Yeah, no, one show a night until Saturday, do two shows a night.

29:02 Adam So give me the Vegas schedule, one show a night during the week, two shows on Saturday, get Sunday off?

29:09 Carrot Top No, I work every night. I don't have a dark night. I go every night for two weeks, three weeks. Sometimes I went for a month. I went for a month straight, no dark nights, which is... But for comics, I'm having fun. I'm in town, I'm having a good time. It's like for me, entertaining is my whole life. When I'm not, I'm miserable. I mean, I love being in a state.

29:23 Drew I remember you guys having this conversation the last time you were here.

29:26 Carrot Top Yeah, I think so. And I think my favorite part of ever doing LoveLine's ever in the history with you, I was telling the guys in here, I said, when you said, I have to agree with Carrot Top on this, they just thought it's so funny that a doctor would say, I gotta take the agree with Carrot Top on this story.

29:39 Adam True, you hear entertainment is his life, whereas boring is your life.

29:42 Drew Boring is my life, being boring, being clear about this, being boring. And not working is yours, so there by, you see, Carrot Top likes working. How dare you?

29:51 Carrot Top This is a discussion I do. I love working. When I don't work, I feel like I'm not doing, yeah, it's weird.

29:55 Adam But I know.

29:56 Drew Adam considers that sick.

29:57 Adam I consider that flawed.

29:58 Carrot Top Really?

29:59 Adam Yes, you're not scoring points with me.

30:00 Carrot Top See, we have a different life, you're a good looking guy, I look like Chelsea Clinton, I mean, so I know a whole different thing.

30:05 Adam Oh, how dare you.

30:06 Drew And you have congenital cataracts.

30:07 Caller Right.

30:08 Adam Carrot is a very attractive man. Carrot, you get the, you dangle that carrot in front of a woman or two, don't you?

30:15 Carrot Top I try, yeah, sure. Yeah, I try to. But it's always the carrot's up there, like, hey, you're like, are you a carrot, huh? It's like, you know, it's not like, you don't want to be in the heat of passion, some of your girl yelling, oh, carrot. No, call me, you know, call me Carrot. I mean, like, what do you, like, it's not like, it's not the most, I mean, honestly, come on, you're a doctor in sec, imagine being in bed on top of some woman going at it. It's not, it's not the most-

30:37 Drew I gotta agree with Carrot Top on this one.

30:39 Carrot Top Thank you, see, go back to that.

30:42 Adam Yeah, orange pubes. Orange, orange pubic hair. Yeah, orange, orange in the pubes.

30:49 Carrot Top No, I've had it all removed, I put it in tile. It's all, it's a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful thing.

30:53 Adam I'm going to be doing-

30:54 Carrot Top Think about that with a woman. Honestly, if you go down a woman, can I say that? You get on a woman, and you don't want to be like Don King in the leg lock. You want to be like, you want to look attractive. So with a guy, when a woman goes down, a guy did the same thing. I always think, you know, they wanted the same thing. They don't want to go down and be like, the jungle guy.

31:10 Drew That's why he's American and dies here.

31:12 Adam I'm with you. I was talking to a stripper just Saturday night in Vegas over at the Olympic Garden.

31:18 Carrot Top She said, you know, they don't validate parking, by the way.

31:21 Adam It's great when you talk to strippers, by the way, about what they look for in a man, because it's like, he's got to shave his balls. It was like the first thing out of her mouth.

31:31 Drew Really?

31:31 Adam Yeah. And I was thinking, you get a little...

31:34 Drew Carrot Top's taking notes here, hold on.

31:35 Yeah, really? Shave balls, go ahead.

31:37 Adam They get you on the ropes, they're like, you shave your balls? Oh, of course I do. On the way in.

31:42 Caller Right, right, right.

31:43 Carrot Top Who does it?

31:43 Adam Hello.

31:44 Caller That's why I fly first class.

31:45 Carrot Top Right.

31:45 Adam To get room to shave my balls. Absolutely.

31:48 Caller Hello.

31:50 Carrot Top Hello. Yeah, shave your balls. Right, we all, of course we, right?

31:54 Drew Yeah. Carrot Top has matured since then.

31:56 Carrot Top Even the women that I know shave their balls. You have to.

31:58 Drew Carrot Top was such a young lad when he was last year. He seems so mature now.

32:01 Carrot Top I know, right? I've matured so much. I've actually, for eight years or more, we've been...

32:07 Drew Right, we've been apart?

32:08 Carrot Top Yeah, well, your kids weren't even born. We're talking about being old. Oh, my God.

32:11 Drew No, you were here once.

32:11 Carrot Top I knew them before you had your kids.

32:12 Drew Oh, yeah, yeah, I know that one. Yes.

32:14 Carrot Top I have another guy. I'm not going to mention the name, but yeah, it was always fun.

32:18 Adam Nicole?

32:18 Carrot Top No, Nicole.

32:19 Drew He treated you well, too.

32:20 Adam Always. Nicole, you're 19.

32:22 Carrot Top Yeah.

32:23 Adam What is up? Oh, by the way, I'll give some dates where you can find Carrot Top.

32:27 Carrot Top Oh, God.

32:29 Adam By the way, in the next few, well, I have two years worth of itinerary here. I'll just give the first year a hand back.

32:34 Carrot Top Lordy, they do have a lot of dates there.

32:36 Adam Nicole?

32:36 Yes.

32:37 Adam What is up?

32:38 Caller I have a question for Dr. Drew.

32:40 Yeah. Every time I have sex with my boyfriend, I excessively queef, and my boyfriend says it turns him off, and I don't know why it happens a lot.

32:52 Drew He's quite a gentleman, that man.

32:55 He just recently said we have been going out for two years.

32:58 Drew Is there anything else going on? Maybe he's looking for an excuse to understand why his performance hasn't been what it should be or something?

33:06 Adam No. But you know how relationships are. The stuff that was cute is now disgusting two years into it.

33:12 Drew It just returned to its real state.

33:14 Adam Right. It's what it should have been at the beginning.

33:15 Drew It moved down its ideal state back to reality.

33:17 Adam Yeah. It goes from, she farted in the middle of the night. It was so funny.

33:21 Caller It goes from that to, honey, if you're going to, number two, shut the goddamn door.

33:26 Adam Jesus Christ, I'm trying to eat.

33:30 I just want to know if this is normal for it to happen a lot.

33:33 Drew It's normal for some people and it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Yeah, but I actually enjoy that.

33:38 Carrot Top I like when they squeeze right in my face. I'm like, oh yeah.

33:41 Adam I don't like it because it suggests there's too much air around my penis.

33:46 Drew You know what I mean? There's room for else than your penis.

33:49 Carrot Top Yeah.

33:49 Adam It's like, why don't we have a tighter fit here? The piston is not giving up for the cylinder.

33:54 Carrot Top Yeah.

33:55 Adam I got a lawn mower piston going in a big block Chevy.

33:58 Drew There.

33:58 Adam Right.

33:59 So there's nothing wrong with it?

34:00 Drew No.

34:01 Is there anything I can do so it doesn't happen?

34:04 Drew Work on positions. Sometimes there are positions.

34:06 Adam Oh yeah. Yeah.

34:08 Drew The positions will do it more.

34:09 Adam Absolutely.

34:09 Drew And those that will...

34:10 Adam Right. I'll tell you one of my favorite positions, which is where I lie on the prey, as I like to call them, and just basically pretend to fall asleep while I'm having a sex. There's no queefing in that position. It's the doggy. It's the you on top hopping around. It's all the exotic, Kama Sutra type, high energy ones. The faster you do it... It's like, okay, put it this way. Everyone put your hand under your arm. Put your arm in your pit, right? Now, you make that fart sound when you do this, right? But let's say you move like a tree sloth. You move your elbow up and down very slowly. What do you get?

34:48 Drew Nothing.

34:49 Caller You start flapping away like a maniac.

34:51 Adam What do you get?

34:53 Caller Thanks, Drew.

34:54 The only thing is, I get nervous every time I'm going to have sex because I feel like I'm going to turn them off.

35:00 Drew Here's another thing you can do, too, is that this is an issue of flow, you know, flow dynamics. And so it might help even to contract your abdominal muscles. It increases pressure there and might, you know, the same thing...

35:13 Carrot Top I get nervous before I have sex, too, because they're going to call their parents. Seriously, don't call your mom. No, seriously, I should. No, I'm only 13.

35:20 Caller Crap! Unacceptable!

35:24 Okay, so is it more him or is it...

35:26 Drew It's more him.

35:27 Because people tell me it's the pressure.

35:29 Adam All right, listen.

35:30 Drew It's about him.

35:30 Adam Nicole, you get a position that's not as queef-friendly.

35:35 Queef-friendly.

35:35 Adam And tell him to slow down a little.

35:38 Carrot Top Something not QF.

35:40 Drew Queef-erific.

35:40 Adam And turn up the stereo.

35:43 Carrot Top Yeah, jam some music roll out.

35:45 Drew Find a new position that's called intimacy. Yes.

35:48 Adam Find intimacy, right.

35:48 Drew Yes, find intimacy. Thank you.

35:51 Caller Who said that?

35:53 Adam Yeah, you go. Yeah, okay, oops.

35:56 Drew Oh, boring, but genius.

35:57 Adam There you go. Quinn.

35:58 Oh, hey.

35:59 Adam You're 13.

36:00 Caller Yeah, you guys are funny as hell.

36:02 Adam Thanks here, Quinn.

36:03 Caller Yeah, I want to know what the long-term effects are of my mom smoking weed when she was pregnant with me.

36:09 Drew We don't really know. Do you have any problems that you're aware of?

36:11 Carrot Top Are you hungry right now?

36:13 Caller No.

36:14 Drew Did you have any problems scholastically?

36:16 Adam He ate his placenta when he came here.

36:17 Drew Any problems at school?

36:19 Adam Has anyone got like a Ritz or anything? Come on. Got a whole bowl of placenta here.

36:23 Caller He ate his placenta.

36:25 Carrot Top He ate his placenta.

36:26 Drew Quinn, any problems in school?

36:28 Caller No.

36:28 Drew Any problems emotionally?

36:30 Caller No.

36:31 Drew So you're fine.

36:31 Adam Don't worry.

36:32 Caller You guys are funny as hell.

36:33 Adam Thanks. Did your mom quit smoking weed at a certain point?

36:37 Caller No, she still doesn't.

36:39 Drew That may have more effect on you actually than the exposure during pregnancy. Having a mom that's an addict, the mom's unavailable, that's regulating her emotional world with drugs.

36:48 Adam How do you know that she was smoking weed while she was pregnant? Did she tell you that?

36:54 Caller My dad told me.

36:55 Adam Nice. That's great. Thanks dad.

36:57 Carrot Top Yeah. Your mom's single because I'm looking to score.

36:59 Adam Everyone's got those like, listen, parents, don't tell your kids everything. I remember when I said, you know what I mean? Because it sticks in their head and they freak out about it. They can't put it in time tracks.

37:10 Carrot Top They don't need to know everything. It's just what kids need to know.

37:14 Adam I remember when I said to my dad, when I was like 11 years old, I want to play pro football. That's the only thing I want to do. I thought, geez, the only, that or no, that's the only thing I want to do.

37:25 Drew You got over the ash.

37:26 Adam Got over the ash. The pro football.

37:28 Drew And the pirate.

37:28 Adam I said, dad, I'm 11 years old. I'll never forget it. We're in Santa Monica driving at the VW Bug he had, which is not quite a car, but.

37:35 Drew Squareback.

37:36 Adam And I said, no, mom drove the squareback to VW family. And by the way, all you I'm old school. I remember when VW meant piece of ass. There was no right side or Chiracco or anything. It was a piece of ass. VW was a car. Hitler decided he was going to crank out for the for the drones.

37:55 Drew Vokes the people.

37:57 Caller Right. Right.

37:57 Adam This was a pile of ass that people got killed in. But I was driving in a car with him and I said, dad, you think I'll make it to six foot? And he looked at me and he went, I don't think so. I mean, I'm, you know, he's like five, nine. My mom's not that tall. Don't look like you're going to make it. I thought, thanks, dad. I'm 11. That's great. Yes. You pull over so I can kill myself. Just, oh, let's just wait to crash. I'll go flying out because no seat belts. I got a rag top and a seat that doesn't latch back. Remember those? Just that flap in the wind seat. Yeah, yeah. All right. Let's talk to Aaron. Yeah. Aaron. Yeah.

38:35 Caller Hi. I had two questions.

38:37 Adam Oh, jeez.

38:37 Drew Quickly, Aaron, go.

38:39 Caller First, Carrot Top. I just want to know what your real name is because usually when people are saying famous or famous, have secondary names and names they use in the film.

38:48 Adam Moisha Wittenberg.

38:51 Carrot Top Cinnamon is my dancing name, but I go by Scott. Yeah, that's my real name.

38:55 Caller Scott.

38:55 Carrot Top It's kind of boring now. You're like, oh, crap, really?

38:57 Drew You have an interesting last name.

38:59 Carrot Top Yeah, Thompson, which is like this kid in the hall, Scott Thompson. So, right. I'm always like, I'm the straight one. You know, that's the only thing I can differ from.

39:05 Drew And Aaron, what's the other thing?

39:06 Adam Even that's getting a little blurry.

39:08 Carrot Top Yeah, because I'm wearing a glitter belt.

39:09 Drew We got to go to Breaker.

39:10 Carrot Top I can't wear the belt with glitter on it. So, yeah, it's kind of hard.

39:13 Drew Aaron, what's the other thing?

39:14 Caller And the second one, I've been watching The Man Show for a while.

39:17 Adam Fantastic.

39:17 Carrot Top Right on.

39:17 Caller I was at The Man Show and I stopped watching and I started watching again and the fox was gone.

39:23 Adam He's in beer chugging heaven.

39:25 Caller He died?

39:26 Adam Yes.

39:27 Caller He did?

39:27 Adam Yes.

39:28 Caller When did that happen?

39:30 Drew About eight months ago.

39:31 Adam About eight months ago, yeah.

39:33 Carrot Top What happened? I've been on The Man Show. I've been a fan of this show for years.

39:36 Adam The word man is right in the title.

39:38 Carrot Top Oh, you son of a bitch. And I've got props. Props are very visual. Television, visual.

39:43 Drew He won't let me on The Man Show either.

39:44 Carrot Top Really? Damn it. I've seen you on The Man Show. What are you talking about? But I'd love to be on.

39:48 Adam Aaron, he died, I think he had prostate cancer.

39:52 Carrot Top Oh, God.

39:53 Adam It's very sad. What's that?

39:55 Caller Kidney failure or anything?

39:56 Drew No. It wasn't doing great.

39:58 Adam It was not alcohol related.

39:59 Caller No.

40:00 Adam So don't any of you kids stop drinking on the account of the Fox's death. He wouldn't have wanted it that way. All right?

40:07 Caller All right, thanks.

40:07 Adam All right, he'll be missed. We'll take a little break. Carrot Top is here tonight. I'll tell you where you can find him and we'll talk to more of you after this. It is Loveline, and Madame Corolla is Dr. Drew of An Airphone, number 1-800-LOV. Carrot Top's our guest tonight.

40:54 Carrot Top Barely enough time to pee on the show.

40:56 Adam There'll be, you just do it, you catheterize yourself, you can do it right here in the studio, like Drew does. You can use it when I'm done. Done. He'll be at the Performing Arts Center in San Luis Obispo.

41:08 Carrot Top That's what I'm saying, it's San Luis Obispo.

41:10 Adam And don't call it San Louie when you're over there, by the way, they get all uptight. That's coming up on October 26th, 27th, at the Fox Theater in beautiful Bakersfield.

41:19 Carrot Top There you go.

41:20 Adam And Universal Amphitheater out here in Universal City. That's October 29th. That's a pretty big hall over there.

41:28 Carrot Top It's huge. In fact, anyone that wants to come is...

41:32 Adam Just come on out.

41:32 Carrot Top I feel that bastard up. Yeah, it's huge.

41:35 Adam Yeah.

41:35 Carrot Top I almost said the F word. God, I'm so... Had a few drinks at the Improv tonight.

41:39 Adam There's like 6,500 people in there or something. It's huge.

41:42 Caller It's big, yeah.

41:43 Adam Carrot Top can be found on Politically Incorrect Tonight, by the way.

41:47 Drew With?

41:48 Carrot Top You know, I don't know the people that I was with. The panel of people, one of the guys was on like the black version of ER. Don't know what that show is called.

41:54 Drew That new one? There's a new one.

41:55 Carrot Top It's the ER.

41:56 Drew Gideon's Crossing.

41:57 Carrot Top Yeah, Gideon's Crossing. Thank you, Gideon's Crossing. But it was like a ER for, yeah.

42:01 Adam Right.

42:02 Carrot Top And then two other people, very, very nice people on the show. It was fun. It was fun.

42:05 Adam Well, like political analysts or something like that?

42:07 Carrot Top You know, I don't know. I don't do homework. I just show up and they go, here, here's your chair. Sit there and you've got a show. Yeah. They give you a couple of questions and you go out there and you just be funny.

42:16 Adam What were your topics tonight?

42:18 Carrot Top Sex, which is kind of funny that we're on this show. Yeah. A night of sex. It was about marriage. It was about most people now are you buy a woman a car. It was about is it's an agreement. But basically what the question was, most marriages and sex are incompatible. And the question was, you know, there's a question that said most people, you buy a woman a car and she'll give you sex tonight. Is that right? And I'm like, usually a car, usually I got to buy a house, a car and some cash and a boat and all kinds of crap. So gotta be lucky to get off of the Saturn, you know? Yeah. I know it's usually, yeah. Sure. So it was a lot of fun. It was fun talking about, you know, the fact that I'm talking about sex. It was great.

42:55 Adam Did Bill?

42:56 Carrot Top I don't want to be on this show like, who's going to believe what I have to say about sex?

43:00 Adam Did Bill?

43:00 Carrot Top So I was laying in bed with this chick. You're like, no, you weren't. Show us some more toys.

43:03 Adam Oh, we know you get like a carrot top. Let me tell you something.

43:06 Carrot Top Cause that Vegas cash, baby.

43:08 Adam Yeah, yeah. There's a seedy underbelly to the comedy world.

43:13 Carrot Top Oh, absolutely.

43:14 Adam And Carrot Top, you don't fool me for a second.

43:17 Caller God knows what your taste is.

43:18 Caller He's one of them?

43:19 Adam I know he's got a hankering for something sexually. I'm sure we could get some bizarre stories out of some women.

43:25 Drew Did you?

43:25 Carrot Top Oh yeah.

43:26 Caller I don't know.

43:27 Carrot Top Lines are open.

43:28 Drew Did you talk to Bill Maher about his preferences?

43:30 Carrot Top Oh, I know what Bill's preferences are.

43:33 Adam Yeah, he likes...

43:34 Carrot Top They even said, someone talked to Bill. I have a little gift for him before the show. They go, well, he's kind of busy right now. Like, what do you mean busy right now? What is he doing?

43:41 Adam Yeah, he's banging half of Vietnam in his dressing room.

43:45 Carrot Top Damn it, I need a TV show.

43:47 Adam Oh my God. Bill is like, his underpants are like an IHOP. There's, it's an international house of cheesecake over there. I mean, he has a new exotic woman every time I see him.

44:00 Carrot Top Every night, they look like, and they are, they're exotic. Every time I've been there, there's a new woman. He's like, you know, so and so. I'm like, I don't think I know her.

44:05 Caller Let me tell you though, exotic.

44:06 Drew What grade are you in?

44:08 Caller I mean, come on.

44:11 Adam Well, if her father hadn't pulled her out of school and forced her to work the rice paddies, she would be in grade 10 by now, 10th grade, right. I have a huge breast and I'm skinny, I'm not fat. Here's the problem with dating exotic women. Exotic is sort of a euphemism now, which means could be a dude. You know what I'm thinking? Not the build dabbles. No, he's a great guy.

44:35 Carrot Top You do have to be careful, especially out here. You really do have to check twice.

44:38 Adam Oh yeah.

44:38 Carrot Top Squeeze.

44:39 Adam Yeah, that's why I have a personal assistant. Chris.

44:42 Carrot Top There you go.

44:43 Caller Yeah.

44:44 Adam I want him to make sure it's a dude. Chris, you're 16, what's up?

44:47 Caller Well, I just found out that my dad has hepatitis C and I was wondering what the likelihood of me having it was.

44:54 Drew Very unlikely, presuming that your mom doesn't have it. Is that accurate?

44:58 Caller Well, see, I don't know that because I haven't seen my mom since I was like six.

45:04 Drew How'd your dad get it? Is he an IV drug user?

45:06 Caller Yeah, he used to be.

45:08 Drew Well, it's not an easy disease to contract. You basically have to share needles. You have to be exposed to blood products. There is a mother to child transmission potentially, as I understand, but again, it's not likely that you're going to caught this. There's even debate about whether it's a sexually transmitted disease. I'm firmly convinced that it is. I've definitely seen cases, in my opinion, where that's occurred, but you don't get a household contact. It's not like a flu or something you're going to catch in your house.

45:35 Adam You're not a Hispanic guy, are you? No. Okay. Make sure there's no confusion. Because you could have said, Dad, I want to talk to you about hepatitis. Dad went, hepatitis C. You see? That's a little Mexican humor, Dad.

45:46 Want, want, want, want.

45:47 Adam Thank you.

45:48 Drew Hepatitis C is one of the more...

45:49 Adam You can use that in your act.

45:51 Drew Significantly.

45:51 No, no, really.

45:52 Drew You should.

45:52 Carrot Top You take that one.

45:53 Adam Yeah. It's a long setup. You gotta have the kid call in and stuff.

45:56 Drew This is...

45:56 Carrot Top Is there a visual to go with that one? I can't use it.

45:59 Adam Well, we put the sombrero on and you got it.

46:01 Drew This is a disease that I've been talking about for a long time. It's sort of the next AIDS. It's a retro... It's a virus similar to HIV. It's not technically a retrovirus.

46:09 Adam And Drew says he's going to give me a vaccination for it.

46:12 Drew No, B.

46:13 Caller B.

46:14 Adam All right. How long have you been threatening to do that?

46:16 Caller B. How long?

46:18 Adam Five years.

46:19 Drew I don't remember ever mentioning it, matter of fact.

46:20 Carrot Top What is hepatitis B?

46:21 Drew B is very different. B is much more contagious. B? The acute defection is much more severe in hepatitis B. It's not as likely to cause chronic liver disease and hepatitis C. And those people that are unlucky enough to get chronic hepatitis C, as Chris' dad has, more than half of those get cirrhosis, and a big percentage of those get cancer. So it is something that needs to be followed. It is now treatable, a combination of ribovirin and the interferon, there's long acting interferons out there, that have about a 30 to 50% cure rate.

46:50 Adam Do you treat it like you treat HIV?

46:54 Drew No, not yet, not like that. You actually try to cure it. You do. You either cure it or you don't.

46:59 Adam Corey?

47:00 Yes.

47:01 Adam You're 23.

47:02 Caller Yes.

47:02 Adam What's up?

47:03 Caller Hi, at the age of 19, I was stupid and I got married. Did it for all the wrong reasons, but it turned into a great relationship, and we were married for about two and a half years.

47:15 Adam What's up? When she took the phone when you got a divorce?

47:17 Carrot Top I was going to say, yeah, get a new phone and ask her.

47:20 Adam She left you with the one you got when you subscribed to Sports Illustrated in 1975?

47:26 Caller No. Well, at about two years, she had a four-year-old son when we got married. Well, after about two years, he came up to me and he said that he saw mommy kissing somebody at McDonald's. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. Well, there was all these signs of adultery going on.

47:43 Adam All right. Well, listen, here's the problem. Your phone line's screwy.

47:46 Drew Well, what happened?

47:47 Adam You gotta get to it.

47:48 Caller Okay. I put her in jail for adultery and bigamy.

47:52 Drew She was married to somebody else?

47:54 Caller Yeah. When we got, well, we got married. Texas has a wonderful law that says you have to be split for six months before you can get the decree signed.

48:03 Caller Well, I put her in jail.

48:05 Caller And a lot of my friends are saying I did it for all the wrong reasons. I did it for self satisfaction. Cause she pissed me off.

48:11 Caller And now I found her.

48:13 Caller I know where she is. She's out of jail.

48:15 Adam I see.

48:16 And I just want her.

48:18 Adam Oh my God. You idiot.

48:21 Drew Now we know why your friends are pissed. Yeah.

48:23 Adam Cause you're an idiot.

48:25 Drew It's fine to precipitate consequences for someone's actions. That's fine. She should have a consequence for her actions. And that's it. Let go. Forgiveness is a virtue. Seriously. You're going to be just stuck in that Miro Patriot.

48:39 Carrot Top And how old is this guy?

48:40 Drew 23.

48:41 Carrot Top Yeah. You gotta move on in life.

48:42 Drew Let go.

48:43 Adam Listen, all you idiots who are into getting revenge, who's to joke on? You're the one who's camped outside of her house with binoculars till four in the morning in your El Camino.

48:54 Carrot Top And you're a young guy.

48:55 Adam Yeah. You're 23.

48:56 Carrot Top Right.

48:56 Adam Let's go get laid somewhere, would you, you idiot? Here's the biggest joke you play. You can play in your acts. You take some crap, you wrap it in newspaper and you light it on fire. No, the biggest joke you can play.

49:08 Carrot Top That's a good one.

49:09 Adam It's just becoming successful and moving on.

49:11 Drew Having a great relationship and forget about that.

49:14 Adam You just mold yourself into something successful. You know, you go play Vegas with Carrot Top.

49:20 Carrot Top There you go.

49:20 Adam You open for Carrot Top.

49:22 Carrot Top I need an opening act.

49:23 Adam And actually, Cookie Cutter in the jar is open.

49:26 Carrot Top He's great. In New Year's, he comes?

49:27 Adam Yeah, he opens for Carrot Top.

49:29 Carrot Top Oh my God, he's nuts.

49:30 Adam We'll take ourselves a little break. He says something about you too.

49:32 Carrot Top No, he really is great.

49:34 Adam But he means it.

49:34 Carrot Top All right.

49:35 Adam All right, we'll take a little break. Carrot Top is here and we'll be back after this.

49:38 Caller All right.

49:52 Caller You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio, 100.7 The Buzz. Outrageous Talk Radio, 100.7 The Buzz, KQBZ, Seattle.

50:17 Carrot Top And maybe better that you don't hear me, actually.

50:19 Drew Where's the new intro that I've mastered?

50:21 Adam Yeah, we'll play that tomorrow night.

50:22 Caller Oh, okay.

50:23 Adam Carrot Top is our guest tonight. Drew is going to the Skirball Center tomorrow night.

50:28 Caller So are you.

50:29 Adam And so am I.

50:30 Carrot Top Oh, it's great. It's awesome.

50:31 Drew Yeah, every year Adam has some sort of emotional outburst at the Skirball Center.

50:36 Caller Every year.

50:36 Adam I'm keeping it real this year, Drew.

50:38 Drew No doubt, you won't like, you know.

50:40 Carrot Top You were great in the Billboard Awards.

50:42 Adam Oh, really?

50:42 Carrot Top Yeah, absolutely. I was there in the audience.

50:44 Drew Oh, now I know you're BSing it.

50:45 Carrot Top No, I really thought that was great. You and Kathy were great. I mean, I was sitting there going, this is great. I didn't. Thanks. Yeah.

50:51 Adam I never.

50:53 Carrot Top What did you all like? Just reamed you for this? No, you were great. It's like Letterman, the Oscars. No, you were great. Oh, thanks. Yeah. Very entertaining. It's very funny.

51:00 Drew So he wants to be on a mad show badly.

51:02 Carrot Top No, I know. I know. Honestly, I just I think as a comic, I like to see entertaining things. Not that you guys pulled that off. Great. I would hate to have that kind of pressure of like being the host of something like that. And well, it's sucking and you guys killed it. Well, thank you.

51:14 Adam To tell you the truth, I didn't feel any pressure until just before the show, when people kept telling me, don't you feel a lot of pressure? And I say, no. They go, but it's live. And I go, oh yeah. And there's going to be 18,000 people in the arena. And I'm like, okay, thanks. Now I just crap myself. You happy?

51:31 Carrot Top But there are a million people watching right now. Or listening. Sorry, listening.

51:35 Drew Live TV is the greatest.

51:36 Carrot Top Yeah, but there are only four watching right now.

51:38 Adam I don't, I never think about that.

51:40 Drew Six listening.

51:41 Carrot Top Oh, six.

51:41 Drew Okay.

51:42 Adam Billy?

51:43 Yeah.

51:43 Adam You're 26.

51:44 Caller Yeah.

51:45 Adam What is up?

51:46 Caller My question is for Dr. Drew.

51:48 Caller Yeah.

51:49 Caller I just recently got a vasectomy.

51:51 Drew Yeah.

51:51 Caller And it seems like I'm shooting my load a lot quicker.

51:55 Drew Well, people describe it being more intense for a short while after the procedure.

52:00 Carrot Top Yeah, my friend told me that too. He said, dude, he should get one every week. I was like, well, I'm trying to.

52:05 Drew It's a one time gig. But he usually doesn't cause any prematurity. I've never read that or heard of that.

52:14 Adam Well, maybe now it's just the sort of pullout pressures off and you're free. You know what I mean?

52:20 Well, I've never really pulled out.

52:21 Caller I have three kids.

52:22 Caller That's why I went and done it.

52:24 Adam Well, I see.

52:25 Drew God bless you.

52:26 Carrot Top You don't mess around.

52:27 Adam And what do you think it shaved off your time sexually?

52:32 Caller About 10 minutes.

52:33 Drew From what to what? How long was it before?

52:37 Adam It started at 11.

52:39 Caller No, it was about 13 to 15 minutes before.

52:42 Drew No, not about five.

52:44 Adam Well, three and five.

52:45 Caller Yeah, I'm lucky. Yeah. Is that odd?

52:48 Drew That's peculiar. I've never heard that complaint. But how long ago was the procedure?

52:54 Caller In June.

52:55 Drew Wow, that's interesting. Have you talked to the urologist about it?

52:58 Caller No, I haven't. I haven't talked to him since it happened.

53:00 Drew You should talk to him about it. You weren't using a condom or something like that before, were you?

53:04 Caller No.

53:05 Adam And what about after you had the procedure, how long did you have to not fiddle with your junk?

53:11 Caller A week.

53:12 Adam A week? And maybe that week, is that week the longest you've went?

53:17 Well, without, from a woman? Yeah.

53:21 Adam Without anything?

53:22 Caller Oh, without anything, yeah.

53:24 Adam What I'm saying is, is maybe that one, maybe that one week interruption.

53:28 Carrot Top Set him back?

53:28 Caller Yeah, right, right, right.

53:29 Adam Yeah, it interrupted his whole, his whole life's flow in Chi, you know what I mean? I mean, God, God knows if I went three days without yanking myself off, what would happen?

53:39 Drew Oh, if your Chi would.

53:40 Carrot Top I'm, I'm, I'm amazing at that. Yes, exam that after three days.

53:44 Drew Speaking of the explosion, did you hear those damn sonic booms today?

53:47 Carrot Top Yes, what was that?

53:48 Drew It was the, the space shuttle coming in. Oh wow. I thought it was, hey Charlie, I thought there was a bomb going off.

53:56 Carrot Top Yeah. I thought they were like just making room to build another house or something.

53:59 Drew I thought it was either construction, some major explosion or like a bomb going off.

54:03 Carrot Top Just making space.

54:04 Adam Yeah, I heard it today about noon or something.

54:06 Carrot Top Yeah, it was around noon time. It was two.

54:08 Adam Was it that late?

54:09 Carrot Top Yeah.

54:09 Drew Double, double boom.

54:10 Caller That's wild.

54:11 Carrot Top That was a big boom.

54:12 Adam That, where does that thing landed? Edwards?

54:15 Carrot Top Yes.

54:15 Adam And is that the sound of it when it's entering the atmosphere?

54:19 Carrot Top Could you imagine having sex during that thing? You're like, boom, boom. You're like, oh, yeah, huh? How am I? Like, you're the man.

54:24 Drew Well, you can time it, right? You know when it's coming down.

54:27 Carrot Top It's a sonic boom. They would think you're the man, right?

54:30 Adam That's what that was.

54:31 Yeah, time is the man.

54:33 Adam Where did you hear that? Can you hear it everywhere?

54:35 Carrot Top No, everywhere. Oh, yeah.

54:36 Drew I was in Pasadena looking around for, I thought something had gone off.

54:38 Carrot Top I was in Orlando.

54:40 Drew I said to myself, I thought that is not normal. That's something. I know what it is, but it's something. And then I heard on the news tonight, they were talking about it.

54:47 Carrot Top I thought Star Jones did a jumping jack. I swear to God, there was something weird.

54:51 Adam That was her labia flamping.

54:52 Caller Yeah.

54:53 Yeah.

54:56 Caller Andrea, you're 21. What's up?

55:00 Well, actually, I had a question. I, you know, everyone has their history of dysfunctional childhood. And I was wondering, is it possible to get through all that without therapy or medication? You guys are always recommending.

55:16 Adam What happened to you?

55:17 Oh, geez. I mean, go down the line. I grew up without a mother and my dad's been married, divorced three times, alcoholic parents.

55:25 Drew Are you an alcoholic?

55:26 No, no, I'm not.

55:27 Carrot Top I think I'm your brother.

55:29 Drew Did you become a comedian?

55:31 Adam Any sexual abuse?

55:33 Oh, yeah.

55:34 Carrot Top Really? From your father?

55:35 Oh, no, no.

55:36 Drew Who was it?

55:38 Actually, it was my mother's boyfriend when I was very young.

55:40 Drew How old?

55:41 Caller Five.

55:42 Carrot Top Fantastic.

55:44 Adam Well, we were going to say it is possible, but not in your case. You've been through too much.

55:49 Drew Listen, people find creative solutions to all sorts of life traumas.

55:54 Adam That's right. You can pierce yourself excessively, tattoo yourself.

55:58 Drew Unfortunately, the culture today doesn't afford people or offer many healthy alternatives or a direction that helps you do it in a real way. It gives you all sorts of weird band-aids that gratify you in the moment, but do nothing to heal the big picture.

56:11 Adam Well, how are you doing in your life, Andrea?

56:14 Well, I was in an abusive relationship for three years, and I've been out of that for the past two years. Actually, I go to junior college. I know you've been asked that.

56:24 Caller Yeah.

56:25 Adam It's time for an intervention.

56:26 Are you kidding? I'm in a healthy relationship now.

56:30 Caller You are?

56:30 Drew Well, relationships can get you through this.

56:32 Adam That's the point. You're not sabotaging this healthy relationship?

56:37 No, not at all. That was one of his first things when we got together, is he just did not think it was going to last because of my history. It's really been good.

56:45 Adam How long has it been?

56:46 Two years.

56:48 Adam You sound pretty good.

56:49 Carrot Top That's pretty good.

56:50 Adam Here's my point. What could it hurt?

56:53 Drew Some little treatment. Well, I don't know. I mean, but how much better can you do than fine? She has no, she's not depressed, no anxiety. She's in a stable relationship. Anxiety comes up and I, you know, and I, yeah, but it's not not something that you're not complaining that I've got to have these symptoms controlled.

57:05 Caller They're fine.

57:06 Drew And what's your, what's your goal? You know, what's the goal here? And you're doing fine.

57:10 Carrot Top And I'm strong, strong enough to really to get past these kind of things on your own without medication.

57:15 Drew It's unusual. It's very unusual.

57:18 But, you know, for now, I think I worry about it too much. Is it possible? You know, can I really do it or am I just like faking myself out?

57:26 Adam Well, listen, here's the deal. If you're doing it, you're doing it. Who cares how you're doing it?

57:31 Caller Right.

57:32 Adam So fine. Hats off to you. On the other hand, like I said, you've been through a lot. And if you're thinking about it a lot and you want to explore that, then you get a little therapy. You don't have to.

57:44 Caller But like, I mean, I've been to counseling before. It just doesn't seem like.

57:49 Carrot Top Well, maybe you don't need counseling.

57:50 Adam Maybe the time's not right. You give it a few years.

57:53 Caller I mean, it's been a long time since I had. Or like, my dad has talked to me about going to like, Al-Anon, just as a group thing.

58:01 Drew I think that would be great for you, by the way, because I haven't grown up in the Alkong family and all that. That would be a very efficient way to make a connection. I could add some help.

58:09 Adam But Drew, what about the danger of sort of getting immersed in this lifestyle, this Al-Anon, AA kind of group mentality and never getting out?

58:18 Drew I think that's unusual. I think there's a bigger risk of her sort of diving in and being unraveled emotionally and having a lot of stuff come up that could cause symptoms and maybe make her worse than she is.

58:31 Carrot Top But not dealing with it on her own. She seemed fine. Right. So a lot of people don't need that. I mean, everybody came from a... My dad was an alcoholic. My parents split up when I was in junior high. It was a rough time. And there's days that I go, man, I went to camp and I was abused there, too. And it's like all kinds of crazy ways. But you kind of go through it your own, in your own way.

58:52 Drew Camp, Adam, camp.

58:53 Adam It was.

58:53 Carrot Top It was camp.

58:54 Adam It was awesome. No, it was awful.

58:56 Carrot Top No, it was awful. It was the worst thing ever. But it was also a growing experience for me. And who knows? And I went to junior college too. What was the junior college thing? Oh, really? Junior college sucked. But I went through it and I hated it. But I couldn't afford to go to college. So I had to do this thing. I had to go to junior college. And God forbid.

59:11 Adam Where did you grow up?

59:12 Carrot Top I grew up in Florida. Speaking of the sonic boom, my dad worked at NASA at the Space Center. So when he said sonic boom, I didn't even know that there was a shuttle today. I grew up at the whole Space Center. My dad worked at NASA the whole nine yards, an engineer.

59:22 Drew He was an alcoholic?

59:23 Carrot Top Yeah.

59:24 Caller That's reassuring.

59:25 Carrot Top Well, it's yeah. You know, he used to have a problem. That's because my father like, crap, Larry, damn it.

59:31 Adam Is he still working there?

59:32 Caller No, he's retired.

59:34 Carrot Top He's still alive. Absolutely. Very healthy guy.

59:35 Drew Did he work for Morton's Diacol?

59:37 Carrot Top No, no, no, no, absolutely not. Absolutely not. No, he was retired.

59:42 Adam Was he still working at NASA when Carrot Top was?

59:46 Carrot Top That may have put him into retirement. No, I think it was kind of cool because all of his engineer buddies are like, your son's Carrot Top? It's like, yeah, he'll be on the Tonight Show tonight. And they'd watch and they'd go, that was true. But if you look at my act, it's very engineer like. I like I create things and I got a lot of my father in me and a lot of my mother's personality.

1:00:03 Adam And a little bit of camp counselor.

1:00:04 Carrot Top And a little bit of camp counselor in me. I was sexually abused by the way, camp counselor. He goes, you got any squirrels in there? You got any squirrels in there? After you take a shower, he'd put your hands in your pants and be like, test your, yeah, you got any nuts? You got any squirrels down in your thing? And I'm like, really? Yeah. Well, you know, it's weird. As you get older, you start thinking, holy crap, I was sexually abused. I see these celebrities on these shows going, I was sexually molested. I'm thinking, who wasn't? I mean, like everybody had that day when you're, when somebody did something to you.

1:00:31 Adam How old were you?

1:00:32 Carrot Top I don't know, 28. No, I was like 13.

1:00:36 Adam That's right.

1:00:37 Carrot Top No, 12.

1:00:37 Adam I'm sending my kid to Jewish camp, even though he won't be Jewish, just so he won't get molested.

1:00:42 Carrot Top I was molested in your parking lot tonight.

1:00:45 Adam Really?

1:00:45 Carrot Top Well, I'm not going to say I didn't enjoy it. I'm just saying it happened.

1:00:48 Adam That's called a hernia check. A hernia check. That's Drew doing that, right, buddy?

1:00:51 Carrot Top But it was Drew. I mean, everybody, you think everybody at one point in your life had that?

1:00:55 Adam Drew, here's a problem, Carrot Top.

1:00:57 Carrot Top Really?

1:00:57 Adam Then they got him? Drew has triplets that are almost eight years old.

1:01:01 Carrot Top Oh, really?

1:01:02 Adam So when you're talking about molestation of children, he gets weird.

1:01:04 Carrot Top I'm not saying that I was molested necessarily. I'm just saying you have to-

1:01:07 Caller You were sexually abused.

1:01:09 Carrot Top Exactly. It wasn't like molesting. It wasn't like having sex with it. It was just a moment where I went, you know, this isn't right. That's all. There's something weird and you don't know who to talk to. Who do you go to and say, hey, this guy is grabbing him. This woman just said molest to me. He was like, you just went, this isn't right.

1:01:22 Drew So he was a woman, Adam, molested him.

1:01:23 Adam Oh, really?

1:01:24 Caller No.

1:01:26 Carrot Top I think I had- Was it one?

1:01:28 Adam You had both?

1:01:29 Carrot Top I think I had both, actually. I think I had it. The guys were like, hey, Carrot, what do women do?

1:01:33 Adam Pull a counselor out of the front of the years.

1:01:35 Carrot Top The same thing. Yeah. Well, she was just like, you know, yeah, I was fondling her.

1:01:39 Adam What kind of camp was this?

1:01:40 Carrot Top Kind of a fondling kind of thing.

1:01:41 Adam What kind of camp was this?

1:01:42 Carrot Top It was a camp I want to go back to.

1:01:44 Adam Yeah.

1:01:45 Carrot Top Damn it. You think they'll take me again? Is this in Florida? I got a check pulled out. No, it's in Georgia of all places.

1:01:50 Adam I thought we were doing it in Georgia. I thought you were in Florida.

1:01:53 Caller I did.

1:01:54 Carrot Top My parents said, you need to go to Georgia.

1:01:55 Adam Here's the point. You're crying all the way to the bank now, right?

1:01:58 Carrot Top No, I'm actually kind of upset that this came out in the air.

1:02:01 Adam You're laughing and crying all the way to the bank.

1:02:03 Carrot Top I'm having a great time.

1:02:04 Adam I love it when you say, Tears of the Clown, guys. Wouldn't you say that you're colorful childhood? Don't you think that's what helped you along with your sense of humor?

1:02:16 Carrot Top Absolutely.

1:02:17 Adam Not that you would have been funny.

1:02:18 Carrot Top No, but you're skinny, you're red hair and freckles. Of course, you're the class clown. You want to do something to fit in, to make yourself feel like one of the games.

1:02:24 Adam Right. You're a captain of the football team.

1:02:26 Carrot Top I wasn't captain of the football team.

1:02:27 Adam You might not have had the sense of humor going to Vegas and making millions of dollars.

1:02:31 Carrot Top Exactly. Millions. Tony.

1:02:33 Adam Oh, yes.

1:02:33 Caller I need millions.

1:02:34 Adam Tony, you're 18. What's up?

1:02:36 Caller Yeah, I just wanted to know if you guys could do the lightning round or the Dr. Drew boogie.

1:02:41 Adam I'll tell you what, Tony.

1:02:43 Caller Yeah.

1:02:44 Adam The lightning round is something I say for the end of some shows, but not when we have a guest.

1:02:49 Caller Okay.

1:02:50 Adam I'll do it on the first night we don't have a guest.

1:02:53 Caller Okay.

1:02:53 Adam All right, but we can play the Dr. Drew boogie.

1:02:55 Caller All right, that'd be fun.

1:02:56 Adam You want to hear the Dr. Drew shuffle, the Dr. Drew boogie.

1:02:58 Carrot Top Tony, where are you calling from? Where's Tony calling from?

1:03:00 Caller Georgia.

1:03:01 Carrot Top Salt Lake City. Right on. Cool. Yeah.

1:03:03 Drew All right, play the boogie.

1:03:04 Caller All right.

1:03:04 Adam Hold on, Tony.

1:04:09 Carrot Top That's me, hey.

1:04:10 Adam That's a serendipity.

1:04:11 Caller That's a Carrot Top classic right here at 97.Flood.

1:04:15 Caller Let's get the owl.

1:04:17 Carrot Top Wrong station?

1:04:18 Adam Let's record it clean owl.

1:04:19 Caller Go ahead.

1:04:20 Carrot Top Ow! Wait, let me do it. No, I did it already. You don't need a new one, do you?

1:04:25 Caller Ow! You damn bastard. Ow!

1:04:30 Adam Yeah, that's good.

1:04:31 Carrot Top There you go.

1:04:31 Adam Good. All right, cart that up. Cart that up. Here we go.

1:04:35 Caller Jeff.

1:04:36 Caller Hello?

1:04:37 Adam You're 17? Hey, I love you guys. Thanks.

1:04:41 Caller I've been listening since you started talking about Boobville.

1:04:44 Adam Thank you. It was many years ago.

1:04:45 Caller Yeah, it was.

1:04:47 Drew A faint memory now and a failed dream.

1:04:50 Carrot Top I started about being nine, remember?

1:04:54 Adam What's up there, Jeff?

1:04:55 Caller Okay. My question is, how long does ecstasy stay in your system?

1:05:00 Drew It's pretty short. It's about 12.

1:05:01 Carrot Top Because I did it around, what time is it now?

1:05:03 Drew 12 hours or so.

1:05:05 Carrot Top That long?

1:05:05 Drew But the effects can go on essentially for a lifetime.

1:05:09 Caller Honestly?

1:05:09 Adam That's right.

1:05:10 Carrot Top No, honestly?

1:05:10 Drew Honestly, if you do ecstasy more than 20 times, I'd say.

1:05:16 Caller Okay.

1:05:17 Drew You should expect depression, panic attacks, and anxiety potentially the rest of your life.

1:05:22 Adam Carrot Top, you can't do drugs.

1:05:24 Carrot Top No, but I've done ecstasy.

1:05:26 Adam Yeah, I have too, but don't you?

1:05:29 Carrot Top I've done ecstasy.

1:05:30 Adam See, like if I-

1:05:30 Carrot Top I love that. You know what the problem was? I loved it. I was like, Oh, really? Oh, yeah.

1:05:34 Drew How many times?

1:05:37 Carrot Top Nineteen, because twenty, I'm scared.

1:05:40 Drew One of the things that stimulates, I was talking about this the other night, stimulates the amygdala, which is a region of the brain that monitors for novelty. So it makes things that are different or even routine seem out of the ordinary and special and interesting. And you overdo that part of the brain and you lose that ability. And everything seems flabby.

1:05:58 Carrot Top Well, I have to be honest with you guys without sounding stupid or humorous here because I want to be humorous, but at the same time...

1:06:04 Adam Be honest.

1:06:06 Carrot Top A lot of people say, oh, you do drugs, DJ Rock, it's like at the same time, people that do those drugs that look to be like, to find what you just said, that novelty that... I'm already kind of freaked, I'm already whacked. So when I did it, I found myself depressed. I found myself not finding that. I was beyond. When I'm not on drugs, I'm having a great time right now. I'm completely sober, not drugged, nothing. But when I did that, I found myself... I enjoyed it. I'm not going to lie, but at the same time, I was like, it didn't get me off like I thought it was going to get me off. Well, what about... I just enjoyed it. What about pot? But a lot of people... Well, pot, as my mom would say, grass, are you in the grass? It's so funny to hear your parents say, where are you getting this? Can you find me some? Because we're getting ripped off at work. But your grass is like, or pot, whatever, bobo, the whole ganja, all the words, I think to me it's just like, it's a recreational kind of thing. It's so stupid. I don't know why it's such a big bad drug. Does that cause shown harm beyond excessive use? I'm not saying excessive like...

1:07:06 Drew It's no different than alcohol or tobacco.

1:07:08 Carrot Top Right, so anything excessive, I mean...

1:07:10 Drew And it's profoundly addictive for some people, profoundly. And that's where it gets...

1:07:15 Carrot Top Because I don't find it addictive at all. In fact, I've done a few times could go a year without it. Two years, two months, two hours. And then all of a sudden you're like, okay, I'll do a little one. It's fun. It's recreational.

1:07:26 Adam When you get stoned, you go, oh my God, I'm Carrot Top.

1:07:30 Carrot Top No, I do that when I'm sober. Oh my God, I'm Carrot Top. What have I done to myself?

1:07:33 Adam Last time I got stoned, I went, oh my God, I'm Carrot Top.

1:07:35 Caller I went down to street screaming.

1:07:37 Adam Ha ha ha. This trunk humor is not going to work on the radio.

1:07:42 Carrot Top No.

1:07:43 Adam No, I'll tell you, seriously. I barely smoke weed anymore, and the reason I don't smoke much pot anymore is because I have like two mortgages and a big nut every week.

1:07:58 Carrot Top Hey, let me tell you something. I'm with you.

1:07:59 Adam And I'm 36, and I think to myself, I'm gonna get stoned and I'm gonna start freaking out.

1:08:04 Carrot Top Amen.

1:08:05 Adam Like it's easy to get stoned when you've got nothing going on in your mind.

1:08:09 Carrot Top I agree. I agree. No, I'm looking at you like I'm agreeing with you. I'm actually going, hey, I found my brother here. I agree with you. And the same thing with, you know, I drink when I'm home and have a good glass of wine. Like I'm not a drinker like as far as getting smashed. I went out there the night in Hollywood. I never go out in Hollywood. I had a couple of glasses of wine and I got pulled over on Sunset Boulevard. This is not a joke. Sunset Boulevard right in front of the comedy store. Right. And maybe the cops listening. He saves me kind of my show. I have a show at Universal Studios. There is an amphitheater on the Sunday. And the guy pulled me over. And of all things, I mean, I've never, thank you. Never been pulled over. Oh, never been pulled over in my life. In like, let's say 25 years.

1:08:45 Drew November 5th in Louisville, Kentucky.

1:08:46 Carrot Top Okay. I was 10 when I got pulled over. But I got pulled over and the guy says he'd been drinking. I said, I had a guy had a glass of wine. He says, glass of wine. Said I had a couple of glasses of wine. And he said, really? Well, so you see when you be sure. I said, absolutely. Got pulled over and I think about all the times people have been pulled over. And I know what it is. It's like it's it's it's that of course, it's the it's the it's that pressure of you have authority and you have yourself. And there you are. And you stand there going, you know, I'm not drunk. And thank God I wasn't. But I was like, I did have two glasses of wine.

1:09:15 Drew So maybe I do the test.

1:09:16 Carrot Top Well, I was wondering, I said, what if two glasses of wine is drunk? Yeah, because I was fine. So I get out. I get the car and he does the whole thing. Touch your nose. Do this. Put your head up and count to 30. I get done. And it was all intimidation kind of thing. He says, count to 30. So I get done. He said, when you get to 30, count. It said time. Got to 30. It's the time. He says, well, where did you decide on 30? I said, I counted. Right. Well, how did you count to 30? I said, I just counted to 30. He says, uh-huh. He's trying to trick you. See, when you're drunk, you don't know how to respond to this. You're like, oh, no. I was like, why count to 30?

1:09:50 Adam Right.

1:09:51 Carrot Top And so is this on Sunset? On Sunset, right? Right. Literally crossed from the sky bar.

1:09:56 Adam People must be like honking the horn.

1:09:57 Carrot Top Oh, no. They're going Carrot Top. And the guy said they're going Carrot Top. He thinks because the red hair and that goes on. And I said, I'm having a little hard time concentrating because I'm being heckled here by people. One guy walks, I swear to God, I go, hey, Carrot Top, let him go. And I said, I go, no, really, I'm fine. I really was like, I was like, get away from me. You're ruining my whole thing. I said, I'm fine. And the cop looks at him like, this cop had braces. It was really funny because he had braces. I mean, he's like 18. He's like, he's like, just keep it moving. I said, I'm fine. Sorry. He said, do you know that guy? I said, no, but how does he know you? I said, well, now I'm afraid to say. Drug deal. I'm on TV or I'm a comedian. So I said, well, I'm a comedian. He says, comedian. I said, yeah. He says, well, it's not real funny now, is it? I said, I never said it was funny. Now all of a sudden I'm like defensive. I'm like, I didn't say it was funny. I'm just trying to, you do your duty. You know, you're a police officer law, do your duty. I'm not drunk. I'm going to pass this test because I'm not drunk. And I'm thinking, maybe I won't. You said that? No, yeah. I said, I'm not drunk. I'm going to do whatever I have to do to pass this test. Let's move it on because I want to go home. And so sure enough, he does the whole thing. And I'm 20 minutes goodbye. And now he's doing a whole anal search. I'm thinking, is this part of the drug test? This is weird. This is the weirdest alcohol test I've ever had in my life. But I actually enjoyed it. No, I actually enjoyed it. I said, you know what? You should check. I had three glasses. Check again. But no, I get done and everything's fine. And so the whole thing needs to say, then he says, okay, I'm going to give you a ticket for taking a left out of the zones, you know, this road.

1:11:15 Adam Right.

1:11:15 Carrot Top I said, it hasn't taken 20 years.

1:11:17 Adam Right. I like that. I like that. As long as we've pulled you over for something else. Well, I got to go.

1:11:22 Carrot Top Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get the ticket.

1:11:24 Adam But I don't want to waste your time.

1:11:25 Carrot Top So yeah, his assistant tubs or Crockett or whatever the guy was. I'm punch. He says, I'm coming. Just kidding, by the way, if you're listening, because I have to drive home from here. He says, I, I, I, I'm coming to your show on Sunday. The Assistant Theater on my, on my life. I said, well, then I said, why didn't you? Why you guys give me such a hard time? You can tell him I'm not drunk. He said, well, you know, my buddy here, he's the, he's the guy. I'm like, well, tell him I'm cool. He's like, he doesn't play that game. Like, we know what game like it's a game. I'm like, it's not a game. Just tell him I'm cool. I'm not. So I had to put my pockets out. You holding some. I'm like, no, like I have props in my pocket. Well, I guess they would check for props.

1:12:05 Adam So you passed.

1:12:06 Carrot Top I passed and everything's fine. But I got no, I got a ticket. I got a ticket for whatever I didn't do anything.

1:12:12 Drew What was the sort of parting shot to you?

1:12:15 Carrot Top What was the party?

1:12:15 Drew I've safely or sorry.

1:12:18 Carrot Top No, it was no party thing. Except you have, you know, noticed to appear so and so. And I said, so I have to appear in court. And he goes, no, no, you just mail it in. I said, OK, great. Yeah. I think you said buckle up and be safe or whatever. I know what he said.

1:12:30 Adam Give a hoot.

1:12:30 Carrot Top I think he said give up the props, something weird like that. Ditch the props.

1:12:34 Drew You're funny without the props.

1:12:34 Carrot Top Yeah, you're funny without the props.

1:12:36 Adam Ditch them.

1:12:36 Drew Joe, we got to go break.

1:12:37 Adam Hold on.

1:12:38 Carrot Top We got to go to break.

1:12:38 Adam Joe, you're 15.

1:12:40 Caller Yeah, I'm here.

1:12:41 Adam What's up? You can fart on command.

1:12:42 Caller Sure can.

1:12:43 Carrot Top Right on. Do it.

1:12:44 Adam Let's hear it.

1:12:45 Caller OK, you ready?

1:12:46 Adam Yeah.

1:12:47 Caller OK, I'm going to get it down here.

1:12:49 Caller Oh, yeah. OK, here it goes.

1:12:51 Caller Yeah.

1:12:55 Drew Yeah.

1:12:55 Caller Yeah.

1:12:56 Drew Lay them enough for you.

1:12:57 Carrot Top Yeah, it sucks that guy's getting more more action than I am right now. I got to learn that. Joe, help me. Hook me up, buddy.

1:13:02 Caller Yeah, Joe.

1:13:03 Adam Yeah. Did a penis come flying out of your ass when you did that? Let's hear the unobstructed one. Do you suck in too?

1:13:10 Caller Yeah.

1:13:11 Adam I want to hear the inhale as well. OK, here we go. You suck. Oh, my God. That was good. Yeah, it was good, Joe. That was good. It's nice. Yeah. The address is CBS. I think that's what you call a gift. Probably passed down from generation to generation.

1:13:38 Drew I had only 15, too.

1:13:39 Caller Great, great, great grandpa.

1:13:41 Carrot Top You got a future.

1:13:42 Adam Blown wind on the Mayflower. All right. Joe, you're wonderful. You keep up that good work. Okay. All right.

1:13:49 Carrot Top You had an ending to my cop routine. Thank you.

1:13:51 Adam Carrot Top is here. Bring Joe up on stage in case things slow down.

1:13:55 Carrot Top Right.

1:13:55 Caller Exactly.

1:13:57 Adam I want to introduce you to someone's ass. Young Joe, come here, buddy.

1:14:00 Caller Thank you.

1:14:02 Adam Carrot Top's here. We'll take a little break. We'll be back after this.

1:14:25 Caller You're listening to LoveLine on Outrageous Talk Radio, 100.7 The Buzz.

1:14:38 Hi, this is Violent J. And this is Shaggy Too Dope from the Insane Clown Posse. And you're listening to LoveLine with Adam Carolla. And Dr. Drew.

1:14:53 Adam Those two Ivy Leaguers will be in here tomorrow night. Insane Clown Posse, everyone.

1:14:58 Carrot Top Those guys are nuts.

1:14:59 Adam Carrot Top, yeah.

1:14:59 Carrot Top I'm gonna have to stop by and just meet this guy. Is this possible?

1:15:02 Adam They're scary.

1:15:03 Carrot Top Really? Did they make up and stuff in here?

1:15:05 Adam They wear the masks.

1:15:07 Carrot Top Did they really?

1:15:07 Drew Yeah, I've never seen them. We've never seen their faces.

1:15:11 Adam No, we have.

1:15:12 Carrot Top I saw them in a Carl's Jr. today.

1:15:13 Drew We saw them on the back of a record label or something.

1:15:16 Adam Wait a minute. Didn't those guys, they had their hoods off last time they were in here, didn't they?

1:15:20 Carrot Top Yeah, they had to be.

1:15:21 Adam I don't know.

1:15:23 Caller I don't know.

1:15:23 Adam The point is, those Mexican wrestling men are very frightening, especially on guys that are big enough to be, actually bigger than Mexican wrestlers who aren't traditionally that big.

1:15:33 Caller Are they big guys?

1:15:34 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah, they go, they go, and I'm not exaggerating, they're probably six, they're both either 6'3, 6'4, and they're well over 200 pounds.

1:15:43 Drew Yeah, big guys.

1:15:44 Adam Yeah, the big, big old corn-fed white guys.

1:15:47 That's insane.

1:15:48 Adam Yeah, it is when they're wearing the Mexican wrestling mask.

1:15:50 Carrot Top What are you looking up, Doc?

1:15:52 Caller Oh, Barbara?

1:15:53 Caller Uh-huh.

1:15:54 Adam What's up? You're 32.

1:15:56 Caller Yes, I am.

1:15:57 Adam Yeah, what's up?

1:15:58 Caller Well, I actually just have a question for Carrot Top.

1:16:01 Carrot Top Oh, right on. Yay, my first question. I hope I can, help me out, Doc, if you need help.

1:16:06 Caller Really?

1:16:06 Caller Your very first question?

1:16:07 Carrot Top Well, I mean, for the night, as far as...

1:16:10 Caller For you, your very first question?

1:16:11 Carrot Top Just me and General Arbor.

1:16:12 Adam Barbara, about ten seconds from hanging up on your arm.

1:16:15 Caller Yeah, so go ahead.

1:16:18 Caller I just want to give Carrot Top some more action than like farting on command.

1:16:22 Carrot Top Oh, right on. Okay.

1:16:23 Caller Is that okay?

1:16:24 Carrot Top Yeah, Barbara, can you queef or something?

1:16:26 Caller Oh, no. Can I do what?

1:16:27 Carrot Top No, go ahead. What's your question?

1:16:28 Caller My question is, are you seeing anyone?

1:16:31 Carrot Top Am I seeing anyone?

1:16:31 Caller Yeah.

1:16:32 Carrot Top I'm seeing, I'm looking at Dr. Drew and Adam right now.

1:16:35 Caller No, no, no. I mean like romantically.

1:16:37 Carrot Top Oh, no, not romantically.

1:16:39 Caller You're not.

1:16:40 Carrot Top No. Where do you live?

1:16:42 Caller Well, actually, we've met.

1:16:43 Carrot Top Oh, crap.

1:16:45 Caller I know. Well, what do you mean?

1:16:47 Carrot Top No, I mean, no, no, it's good. Where do we meet at?

1:16:49 Caller Well, are you doing anything on the 27th?

1:16:52 Carrot Top Where'd you meet? Where's the 27th?

1:16:54 Caller The 27th of October.

1:16:56 Carrot Top When is that?

1:16:57 Caller In Maui.

1:16:58 Drew You're going to be at Bakersfield at the Fox Theater.

1:17:00 Caller Thank you, Doug.

1:17:01 Carrot Top I'll be in Bakersfield at the Fox Theater.

1:17:03 Adam So you'll be in Maui and he'll be in Bakersfield.

1:17:05 Caller I was hoping we could make those freckles into one big, like, little love fest or something.

1:17:11 Carrot Top Well, I'll be at the Universal Amphitheater on the 20th. 30th. 29th.

1:17:17 Adam Hold on a second. Let me talk to Carrot Top for a second. I'm going to defend you for a second.

1:17:21 Drew Fort Meyers, Florida, November 9th.

1:17:22 Adam This Barbara has to be incredible looking because she is worthless. She is the most unappealing sounding woman I've ever heard in my life, which means she has to be good looking.

1:17:31 Drew Clearwater, Florida, November 11th.

1:17:33 Carrot Top I just like the sound of a woman saying, I want to get together with Carrot Top.

1:17:37 Adam I'm going to turn all those freckles into one big melanoma.

1:17:40 Carrot Top Whatever.

1:17:41 Adam Yeah.

1:17:41 Caller Melanoma.

1:17:43 Caller Oh, God.

1:17:44 Adam Yeah.

1:17:46 Carrot Top She sounded good.

1:17:47 Adam Barbara?

1:17:47 Caller I heard all of that.

1:17:49 Adam Oh, my God.

1:17:49 Caller Damn it.

1:17:50 Carrot Top Really?

1:17:50 Adam Did you run into him at an airport?

1:17:53 Caller Yes, I did.

1:17:54 Caller Which one?

1:17:55 Carrot Top Airport.

1:17:55 Drew Denver.

1:17:56 Adam Listen, Barbara, here's what I need you to do.

1:17:59 Caller Okay.

1:18:00 Adam I'm going to need you to not be insane for about a minute, and then you can go back to your normally insane when you hang up the phone. But right now, I need you to follow along. What airport did you see him at?

1:18:11 Caller Well, okay, the Salt Lake City Airport.

1:18:16 Adam I see. And how long ago was this?

1:18:19 Caller Oh, probably about a month, maybe.

1:18:22 Adam And did you go up and talk to him?

1:18:24 Caller Hell, yes, I did.

1:18:26 Adam And you introduced yourself?

1:18:28 Caller Yes, I did.

1:18:29 Adam And you had a little conversation?

1:18:31 Caller Of course, I did.

1:18:32 Adam And did he ask for your phone number?

1:18:34 Caller Hell, no.

1:18:34 Adam There you go.

1:18:35 Caller No.

1:18:36 Carrot Top Did you exchange biofluids?

1:18:38 Adam You would have remembered her if you liked her, right?

1:18:41 Carrot Top I guess. She sounded nice, though. That's too bad.

1:18:43 Adam Nice and crazy, just the way Carrot Top likes him. Imagine, you have to hook up with someone very sane, or you're going to give birth to a mad scientist.

1:18:53 Caller That's a good point.

1:18:54 Adam Yeah, you got those genes, alcoholic, sonic, booming, mad scientist genes running through your veins.

1:19:01 Caller Greg?

1:19:02 Caller Hello?

1:19:03 Adam You're 26.

1:19:04 Caller Yeah.

1:19:04 Adam What's up?

1:19:05 Caller You guys were talking a little politically last night, and I didn't get through till tonight, but I was just curious on Dr. Drew's views on using marijuana for medical purposes, because that's one of the questions coming up on our ballot here in the state of Nevada.

1:19:20 Drew Well, we've got that kind of law here in California, and it's basically a big sham.

1:19:25 Adam It doesn't seem to work, though. I mean, no one seems to use it.

1:19:28 Caller Well, I read something about it in the paper today, about California, it's like a big tug of war between the federal government and the state government.

1:19:34 Drew It's really ridiculous. There really is no condition for which marijuana is the best drug, or even a great drug, even a good drug. There's just hundreds of other much more effective, much safer, much better drugs. And by the way, I've never had a request for medical marijuana from someone that wasn't a marijuana addict. Now, if somebody has cancer or AIDS and they feel better and they eat better when they have marijuana, they ought to have it. So I think the whole point about marijuana that I make is that we can't have any rational discussions about it because it's such a hypocritical... It's treated so hypocritically.

1:20:14 Caller Right. Well, see, that's the thing, because you have the explanation for and against, and according to the, you know, against, you know, there's more medicines out there and...

1:20:22 Drew There are, but look, it's all... It's really the reason people put these things on the balance to try to get things closer to legalization. That's really the reason.

1:20:30 Caller Right.

1:20:30 Drew And I wish they'd just state that or just get over it. Let's just have that discussion. Let's have the discussion about whether or not this thing's really black.

1:20:36 Adam Drew, you put the cart in front of the horse here.

1:20:39 Drew I think...

1:20:40 Adam You call the kettle black.

1:20:41 Drew No, I think somebody could come out. I'll run for president on the platform of legalizing marijuana.

1:20:47 Adam People have been trying to legalize marijuana for 50 years. It's not working, so they went to Plan B, which is medical marijuana.

1:20:54 Drew Part of the reason they're working, they've never had a strong candidate stand up and just say, hey, let's just do this.

1:20:58 Carrot Top I talked about this in my last campaign. I want to have sex.

1:21:01 Drew They're afraid to do it. They feel some bad...

1:21:04 Adam And by the way, let me say something to all the people who have experimented with drugs and now want to run for office. This hole, I was in college, I don't give a rat's ass where you were or what you were. It drives me nuts that this has become an excuse. I don't mind someone doing drugs. I suspect everyone who's over the age of 30 has tried marijuana and tried a few other things. And if you haven't, frankly, I'm suspicious.

1:21:32 Carrot Top I'm not voting for you. Exactly. You're lying even more.

1:21:34 Adam Show me a guy who's 42 years old who says I've never tried marijuana once and he ain't get my vote because I look at him is Squaresville. I don't look at him. I don't. I raise a brow of suspicion and my brow weighs five pounds. So when I raise it, it's a big deal. So this whole, this whole, this whole, hey, when I was in college, I did X, Y and Z. All these Republican candidates always do as well. Sure. I tried, but I was in college. So what, when, since when? And by the way, I hear this in college thing and I know it sounds like going on a weird tangent here, but whenever I hear people talk about something, they're sort of ashamed of and embarrassed of or don't want people to know, they go, well, sure, when I was in college, I may have, why, what's the big deal about college? Just say when you were 20, it doesn't sound so good anymore. What about all those guys who didn't go to college?

1:22:22 Carrot Top These are my last four years in college.

1:22:24 Adam All I'm saying is, is everyone has tried it. It's golden.

1:22:28 Caller Wow.

1:22:30 Adam That's good. And what's the big deal? And I do, I do agree with Drew.

1:22:37 Drew That was nice.

1:22:38 Adam But really, I just got a contact.

1:22:39 Drew But really Adam, it's like everyone.

1:22:41 Carrot Top This show is so much funnier now.

1:22:42 Drew It's everyone like 22 to 50.

1:22:44 Adam Yeah.

1:22:45 Drew Think about it.

1:22:46 Caller Who's tried potty?

1:22:47 Adam Yes. I wish a cannon would just have the guts. I mean, like Clinton with his, I didn't.

1:22:51 Carrot Top I didn't. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, all that stuff.

1:22:53 Drew I think, I think somebody stepped up.

1:22:56 Carrot Top Sucker babies.

1:22:56 Adam Oh, by the way, that was where the beginning of his lying spree began and it ran all the way through.

1:23:01 Carrot Top I'm going to vote for him again.

1:23:03 Adam I am. I don't have a beef against a guy other than, You can by voting for Gore. Other than he's a compulsive liar.

1:23:10 Carrot Top I'm going to vote for Martin Sheen. He's our president.

1:23:12 Adam And a sociopath.

1:23:13 Caller Let me say to the people of America and the nations of the world that I hate your ass. I swear to God I do.

1:23:20 Drew I think if somebody at Strong Candidate stood up and said, I'm just going to vote, my first move will be to legalize this thing, all those voters that don't vote will suddenly start voting.

1:23:29 Carrot Top But my question is, we talked about this on Pillow thing, correct or not, which by the way I'm running like 18 minutes, why can't we legalize that? Why can't we legalize marijuana? In the sense of, no wait, legalize it though only in the terms of kind of like how we do alcohol. It's a home use, you use it at home. If you're caught driving under the influence of it, you're going to jail just like you do alcohol. There's no reason why you can't sit home and listen to LoveLine smashed out of your gore and pot.

1:23:54 Adam They do anyway.

1:23:55 Carrot Top No, but I mean why can't we do it legally? Carrot Top has spoken, ladies and gentlemen.

1:24:00 Adam I don't know, because somebody made a movie called Reefer Madness in 1931.

1:24:03 Carrot Top This is ridiculous, I don't understand.

1:24:05 Adam The wheels have been off the wagon ever since. I have no idea. I really don't. And furthermore, the fact that if I grow a pot plant in my backyard, I could lose my house. And by the way, these are Republicans who are for this, by the way, you so-called less government pussies, you so-called constitutional pussies. You are the ones who are leading this charge. And if I have a pot plant in my backyard, there's no reason why I shouldn't have my house auctioned off and carted off to jail. You call that less government?

1:24:36 Carrot Top But isn't that amazing that you can put, they want to put people behind jail for using marijuana. It's like they'll put you behind bars, but you just can't test cosmetics on them. You know what I mean?

1:24:44 Adam Right.

1:24:45 Carrot Top It doesn't make sense.

1:24:45 Adam I don't know what that means.

1:24:46 Carrot Top I don't either, but it sounded brilliant.

1:24:47 Adam But right on. Jenny? I mean, hold on a second. I mean, what is it with these Republicans? You know what I mean?

1:24:53 Carrot Top Well, it's the Democrats too. Sometimes the liberals are trying to beat.

1:24:57 Adam They're all horrible. The Republicans, you never hear them stop talking about the Constitution and about this being a free country and people going to parts unknown to fight battles. These young men who laid their lives down so that we could stay free in this country. Meanwhile, you grow a pot plant in your backyard. They're all for guys rappelling down a helicopter and carting you off.

1:25:15 Caller What the app is that?

1:25:16 Drew Bill Maher has always made is that why isn't that? Why isn't victimless crime issues a conservative point of view?

1:25:23 Adam Why isn't it?

1:25:24 Carrot Top Right.

1:25:24 Adam Yeah. What about prostitution? What about drugs? Why isn't that? These are the people that all they do is champion the Constitution.

1:25:33 Carrot Top Exactly.

1:25:34 Adam The freedom to bear arms, the right to bear arms, the freedom of speech. All they're always standing behind the Constitution. So meanwhile, a guy would smoke a little reefer in his living room. He gets popped. What the hell is that? Make your minds up, you pussies. It drives me nuts. And they expect us to get behind them? It drives me insane that things like, yeah, they want you to be able to have guns, but they're for mandatory minimums when it comes to first defenses for drugs. What is that?

1:26:02 Carrot Top I just found out you can say pussies on this show. This is so cool. I don't know.

1:26:05 Drew Maybe you can't say...

1:26:06 Carrot Top Oh.

1:26:07 Adam You can say pussies.

1:26:09 Drew Don't be such a pussy.

1:26:10 Carrot Top Oh, you can say pussies. Sorry.

1:26:11 Drew You can't say a more...

1:26:13 Adam Oh, shut up...

1:26:13 Carrot Top .plural version of it. I'm sorry. I just learned that. Damn, this is great. After two hours, I had no idea.

1:26:19 Drew You can't say another word for brass.

1:26:20 Adam Shut up.

1:26:21 Caller Jenny?

1:26:22 Adam You're 23.

1:26:23 Caller Yeah.

1:26:24 Adam What's up?

1:26:24 Carrot Top Hi, Jenny.

1:26:25 Caller Hi. Well, every now and then, this happens. You know how guys can get turned on for no reason at all? Well, it happens to me.

1:26:39 Drew And what's wrong with that? Was that a problem?

1:26:42 Caller Oh, it's not. It's great. I just wonder why.

1:26:46 Adam Oh, boy.

1:26:47 Drew It's just your sister.

1:26:48 Carrot Top Turned on for no reason. Explain more to this. I'm lost.

1:26:51 Caller Okay. Well, I could be doing laundry. Oh. And all of a sudden, you know, I could be taking a walk.

1:27:01 Carrot Top Is it?

1:27:01 Adam Hey, Jenny?

1:27:02 Caller Yeah?

1:27:03 Adam Could you turn hee-haw down in the background there?

1:27:07 Caller Hee-haw.

1:27:08 Adam What are you listening to?

1:27:10 Caller Infomercial.

1:27:11 Adam All right. Could you turn that down? Turn the Wonder Mop commercial down.

1:27:13 Carrot Top The Wonder Mop.

1:27:14 Drew Tommy Boo, I heard it.

1:27:15 Adam Should I get stoned and balled?

1:27:16 Carrot Top I'm getting kind of turned on thinking that you're watching some kind of infomercial.

1:27:19 Adam Jenny, what is... I'll tell you what. Let's guess the infomercial. Don't tell us.

1:27:23 Caller All right?

1:27:24 Drew Okay.

1:27:25 Caller All right.

1:27:26 Adam I'm going to start. We'll keep going around until we get there. I'm going to go with some sort of a engine additive in an automobile.

1:27:35 Drew No. Psychic friends.

1:27:37 Carrot Top Is it the spray on hair?

1:27:39 Carrot Top What? What?

1:27:40 Adam Psychic.

1:27:41 Carrot Top Oh, it's psychic.

1:27:41 Caller Damn it.

1:27:42 Adam Drew, you son of a bitch. First time.

1:27:44 Carrot Top I was thinking spray on hair, you know, that.

1:27:47 Caller You can't tell I got a bald spot.

1:27:49 Adam It's psychic. Psychic friends.

1:27:51 Caller Yeah.

1:27:51 Carrot Top I use it on my balls, by the way.

1:27:54 Adam You got top coverage?

1:27:55 Carrot Top Yeah.

1:27:56 Adam Hey, Jenny.

1:27:57 Caller Yeah.

1:27:58 Adam You all right? You mentally stable?

1:28:00 Caller Yeah, I'm fine.

1:28:01 Adam You have a man?

1:28:02 Caller No.

1:28:03 Adam Why not?

1:28:04 Caller I have a toy, but not a man.

1:28:07 Adam You a big gal?

1:28:08 Caller No.

1:28:09 Carrot Top You sound little. She sounds petite.

1:28:11 Caller I'm 120. You sound little.

1:28:13 Adam Four foot four?

1:28:14 Drew You're fat.

1:28:15 Adam Drew, please. All right. Why don't you have a man?

1:28:19 Caller Because I don't know if they're all jerks.

1:28:22 Adam Where's daddy?

1:28:24 Caller He's in bed.

1:28:25 Caller She's right.

1:28:25 Drew They're all jerks. What are you talking about?

1:28:26 Adam You're living at home?

1:28:28 Caller Yeah.

1:28:28 Caller You are?

1:28:29 Caller Yeah.

1:28:30 Adam Why didn't you get out of the house?

1:28:32 Caller I don't know.

1:28:33 Caller I don't have a car.

1:28:34 Drew You're 23, but how about getting a life?

1:28:36 Adam How about getting a job and getting out of the house?

1:28:40 Caller Yeah, I could.

1:28:41 Adam Yeah, all right. Hey, listen, I spoke to one of your psychic friends. They predicted you're still going to be living at home 25 years from now.

1:28:50 Caller I just moved back.

1:28:51 Adam You just moved back worse.

1:28:53 Drew Why did you move back?

1:28:54 Caller Get out!

1:28:55 Adam What happened?

1:28:57 Caller Everybody got kicked out of the apartment.

1:29:00 Adam I see. All right. So, the feds broke up the meth lab you guys had in the living room? No. All right, baby. Listen, take care of yourself. My parents had a brilliant strategy about me moving back into the house.

1:29:14 Drew Yeah, you're not coming into the house. You move here, but you can't walk in the front door.

1:29:17 Adam No, no, no, no. Here's what they did. I didn't know this until later on in life. Their plan was, let's make him so miserable while he's living here.

1:29:25 Drew Are they telling you that now?

1:29:26 Caller Yes. They just told you this?

1:29:27 Adam Yes, they just told me, let's make him so miserable, feel so unwanted and make the place into such an asshole that he will never, it's not going to be a thing where he drops out of college or gets canned from a job or girlfriend dumps him or gets hooked, strung out of heroin. He'll never come back. You know what I'm saying? Jail will be better than this place.

1:29:45 Drew Is that just what you assumed they were doing?

1:29:46 Adam I know that was their plan.

1:29:48 Drew They have actually told you that?

1:29:50 Adam No, they told me. They said, it was a long, yeah, it was a plan.

1:29:54 Drew When did they tell you that?

1:29:54 Caller It started at birth.

1:29:56 Adam Started at birth, went through age 19. The plan was so disillusioned, so unhappy with the environment and realized the place was such a dump that I would never come back.

1:30:05 Carrot Top There you go. That's actually very smart.

1:30:06 Adam Brilliant job.

1:30:07 Carrot Top It's very smart.

1:30:08 Adam Yes. I recommend everyone do it for their kids.

1:30:10 Drew They didn't factor in though.

1:30:11 Carrot Top My favorite commercial is those damn Holiday Inn commercials where the guy is like, no, listen, we have a plan here.

1:30:17 Drew They didn't factor in the fact that he'd get a radio show.

1:30:19 Caller Right.

1:30:20 Carrot Top Now they're that.

1:30:23 Adam Now who's the joke on the old geezers? We'll take a break. We'll be back.

1:30:49 Caller You're listening to LoveLine on Outrageous Talk Radio, 100.7 The Buzz.

1:31:02 Adam Yeah, it's the LoveLine. I'm Adam Corolla, it's Dr. Drew over there. Here comes Carrot Top. No problem. Carrot Top is going to be the Universal Amphitheater coming up this Sunday. Also, San Luis, is that tomorrow?

1:31:15 Carrot Top San Luis Obispo is on Thursday, I believe.

1:31:17 Adam Thursday, then Friday Fox Theater in Beggarsfield, again, Amphitheater, Universal Amphitheater. That's a nice gig on Sunday night.

1:31:25 Carrot Top Beautiful.

1:31:26 Adam Palace Theater in Louisville, Kentucky into November and then more Kentucky. Jesus. Then Fort Myers.

1:31:34 Carrot Top Carrot Top is big in Kentucky.

1:31:35 Adam Boy.

1:31:35 Carrot Top They love shiny stuff.

1:31:36 Adam Carrot is Orlando, Jacksonville, Clearwater, and then back to Las Vegas.

1:31:42 Carrot Top I got car payments, baby.

1:31:43 Adam No kidding. All the way through November and then into January, ending up in Vegas. All right. So let's talk to Allison. Allison?

1:31:52 Caller Hello.

1:31:53 Adam What's up, baby?

1:31:54 Caller Oh, I wanted to pay a compliment to Carrot Top.

1:31:57 Adam Let's go right ahead.

1:31:59 Caller Well, don't worry at all about being a redhead. I'm a redhead myself. And don't ever mess with your pubic hair.

1:32:06 Adam Why? What did you do with your pubic hair?

1:32:08 Caller Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.

1:32:09 Carrot Top What did you do to it?

1:32:10 Drew Didn't you have a theory about redheads, Adam?

1:32:12 Adam Smelly Foo Foo.

1:32:13 Drew No.

1:32:13 No.

1:32:14 Caller We're all crazy. That's the theory.

1:32:16 Carrot Top Smelly Foo Foo?

1:32:17 Adam On the ladies.

1:32:18 Carrot Top Oh, on the ladies. Because I have a beautiful smelling Foo Foo.

1:32:20 Adam Your Foo Foo is beautiful.

1:32:22 Carrot Top Anderson, when I walked in here, you guys even said, Yeah, they said, You smell.

1:32:26 Adam No, Carrot Top's crotch smells like fresh cut pine.

1:32:29 Caller I hope so.

1:32:29 Adam Really, it's wonderful.

1:32:32 Caller Oh, and I know why, when you get these callers on, they can't, they don't respond right away. So the sound's really quiet.

1:32:38 Caller I see.

1:32:39 Adam It's horrible. So you can't hear us very well.

1:32:41 Caller I can hear you now, but when I was on hold, it was really faint.

1:32:44 Adam I see. All right. Do you have a question, Allison?

1:32:47 Caller No, I'm fine.

1:32:48 Carrot Top So where are you from?

1:32:50 Caller Seattle.

1:32:50 Carrot Top Seattle. Cool. I'll come see you. All right.

1:32:55 Adam Robert.

1:32:55 Yeah.

1:32:56 Adam Carrot will be there in a minute. You're 30. What's up?

1:32:59 Caller Hey, I wanted to know about the growth hormone replacement therapy.

1:33:04 Caller For a child?

1:33:06 Caller No. I've been getting some emails about it. Supposedly, it could increase the metabolism and they claim it can take like 20 years off your life.

1:33:15 Drew Yeah.

1:33:17 Adam Take it off your life or add it to your life?

1:33:19 Caller Add it to your life. It will make you still younger.

1:33:22 Adam Because that's 40 years.

1:33:23 Drew By the way, it's not growth hormone replacement then. It's supplementation.

1:33:26 Adam Right.

1:33:27 Drew And you can also get thickening of the bones and entrapment of nerves coming out of the bones and the skull. And it can be a huge mess. There are many different uses for growth hormone being explored. But I wouldn't rush into it. It's mostly not a good idea. No, I would not rush.

1:33:43 Carrot Top It also makes you have like a stubby nose.

1:33:45 Adam Yeah. What's up?

1:33:46 Caller Yeah, I do.

1:33:47 Carrot Top I'm sorry. I don't want to make fun of you. But I was like, oh man, these poor guys are cold.

1:33:51 Caller I used to with you guys in LA and I moved up to Sacramento four years ago. And all these trees.

1:33:56 Carrot Top Hey, Sacramento rocks.

1:33:57 Caller Yeah. Yeah. In fact, we saw you at the state fair.

1:33:59 Carrot Top Yeah, I love that. Sacramento has been very good to me.

1:34:02 Caller Yeah.

1:34:02 Carrot Top Very, very good to be.

1:34:04 Caller Well, that's great. Yeah.

1:34:06 Adam Take care of yourself.

1:34:07 Caller OK.

1:34:07 Adam No free lunch in nature. I know Drew doesn't like any of that stuff.

1:34:10 Caller But what about it?

1:34:11 Adam I mean, what about obviously there's breakthroughs in science. I mean, 100 years ago, they were talking about things that they may have thought was dangerous for people. Turned out to be good for people.

1:34:20 Drew The point is, I didn't say categorically don't do it. I said don't rush in.

1:34:26 Carrot Top Yeah, he did say that.

1:34:27 Adam For Christ's sake, we're going to be, you know, 85 years old, then get on the growth hormone thing so we can look 85 for another 10 years.

1:34:33 Drew You know what? The the overwhelming wisdom right now would suggest that a properly maintained diet and exercise is the key thing.

1:34:42 Adam How dare you?

1:34:42 Drew Don't smoke. Don't drink.

1:34:44 Adam How dare you?

1:34:45 Caller Liam? Yeah?

1:34:46 Adam You're 15?

1:34:47 Caller Yes.

1:34:48 Caller Adam, you are so cool.

1:34:49 Caller Oh, thank you, brother.

1:34:51 Caller You rule so much.

1:34:52 Caller I do.

1:34:52 Adam I am a classic, yet benevolent ruler.

1:34:56 Caller Thank you.

1:34:57 Caller Oh, man.

1:34:58 Drew Why'd you call Liam?

1:35:00 Caller That's pretty much just it. Also, I wanted to say, Carrot Top, I love you.

1:35:04 Carrot Top Oh, thanks, buddy.

1:35:05 Caller Dude, I've watched your movie.

1:35:08 Carrot Top You're the one. Thank God we found the guy.

1:35:10 Adam They've been looking for him for the last two and a half years.

1:35:13 Carrot Top Where are you calling from?

1:35:13 Adam You saw Chairman of the Board?

1:35:14 Caller I'm calling from Modesto.

1:35:15 Carrot Top Oh, right on Modesto.

1:35:17 Drew Are you going to Modesto soon?

1:35:18 Carrot Top Yeah, I've been there before, the college there, yeah.

1:35:20 Caller Oh, when are you coming?

1:35:21 Carrot Top I don't know. I think I'm going to be coming soon. Check out carrottop.com. In fact, I'll be there probably sometime in March or April.

1:35:26 Caller Okay, March or April?

1:35:27 Carrot Top Yeah.

1:35:28 Caller Oh, sweet.

1:35:29 Carrot Top Right on.

1:35:30 Caller Oh, man. But I love you.

1:35:32 Carrot Top All right. Thanks, buddy. We love you, too.

1:35:34 Caller Okay. All right.

1:35:35 Drew I love you, love you, love you.

1:35:36 Caller All right.

1:35:37 Adam All right, Liam. I'm gonna help you.

1:35:38 Drew You're gay.

1:35:38 Adam I guess I have to say that.

1:35:39 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:35:40 Adam Who could have guessed? Easy, baby.

1:35:42 Caller All right.

1:35:43 Adam You don't diet red like the other 15-year-olds?

1:35:46 Caller No.

1:35:46 Adam I see.

1:35:47 Caller All right, buddy.

1:35:47 Caller All right.

1:35:48 Adam Good luck. Good luck with the chicks.

1:35:50 Caller Yeah.

1:35:51 Caller Yeah.

1:35:54 Caller You're gay.

1:35:55 Adam He had a lot of enthusiasm, that young lad.

1:35:58 Caller All right, Drew.

1:35:59 Carrot Top But hey, he's a fan. You gotta love that.

1:36:01 Caller No, he's good.

1:36:01 Adam I know. But he gave that little pause. He goes, he goes, Adam, I love you. You rule all other rulers.

1:36:07 Caller And Carrot Top.

1:36:09 Carrot Top One, two, three, two, four.

1:36:11 Adam And Carrot's like, oh, Christ, we have to go back in the third.

1:36:13 Caller You suck meat.

1:36:15 Carrot Top Can I say that?

1:36:16 Caller I'm not sure.

1:36:17 Carrot Top I'm not sure either.

1:36:19 Adam I think the fact you put meat on the end of it kind of made it OK. As if it was from an animal. Right.

1:36:25 Caller All right, we'll take a little break. We'll be back.

1:36:29 Caller Radar.

1:36:54 Caller Home Alone with the Cat and your new power song.

1:36:59 Caller Outrageous talk radio, 100.7, The Buzz, KQBC Seattle.

1:37:15 Drew Seca Blue, right?

1:37:15 Adam Yeah.

1:37:17 Caller Yeah. All right, everybody.

1:37:19 Adam Hey, that's it for the fantastic show. I want to thank Carrot Top for coming in here.

1:37:22 Carrot Top Thanks for letting me sit in the show.

1:37:23 Adam He's going to be everywhere soon. Go to carrottop.com.

1:37:26 Carrot Top Yes, sir.

1:37:27 Adam And find out when he's coming to a town near you, because he's such a whore. He will be. And if you're living out in the Southern California, he's going to be at the Universal Amphitheater on Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. Ow! So, Insane Clown Posse tomorrow night. Oh, watch Carrot Top on Politically Incorrected.

1:37:43 Carrot Top Yeah, in like three minutes.

1:37:44 Adam And until next time, Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Oh!

1:37:50 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff management sponsors for this edition. The producer for LoveLine is Ann Wilkins, being golden. LoveLine is the presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, October 24, 2000