Episode 1000754887017

1:01 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, coast to coast.

2:14 Drew Yeah.

2:14 Adam That there's some master puppeteer up in the clouds who says, get out there. Corolla is going to work and if you don't see none of you, he may catch on. Is that what's going on?

2:26 Drew That is tonight. And you know what's weird about that night also is I'm not always aware first that I'm in traffic or people are being slow. I sense like danger, like something's like something's not right.

2:36 Adam Yeah, like Spidey sense thing.

2:38 What's going on here?

2:39 Drew And then I start speeding.

2:41 Adam Tonight just a ton of people out on the road with no particular place to go, just out taking the car for a walk. And no, I was basically in traffic all the way out here, although it never stopped and there was never an accident and there were no flares and there were no cops. It was just people on a Sunday night not looking forward to getting back home after being wherever they were. All right, Afro Man is going to be in here tomorrow night. Kevin Smith is going to be in here, big film director talking about...

3:11 Drew Why he cut you out of his films.

3:13 Adam Jay and Silent Bob strike back. Isn't it Silent Jay? Wait a minute, Jay and Silent Bob. It is Silent Bob, right? Yeah. I had a nice little part in that film or at least seen, and I think I heard I was cut out. So, we will get to the bottom of that tomorrow night. Okay. Let's go to the Phones Man Show on tonight. Turn that Man Show on. It is a big guy. I go to Gleeson's in New York and do a little box and it is a very special episode. I want to see that. I haven't seen it yet. Jeremy?

3:49 Caller Yeah.

3:49 Adam You are 19?

3:50 Caller Yeah.

3:51 Adam What is up?

3:53 Caller Okay. I have been friends with this guy, Jeff.

3:56 He is like one of my best friends. We have been friends for like a few years now. And I have been with my girlfriend for about three and a half years now. He has been with his for about one and a half. And we are kind of wanting to ask our girlfriends if they would like, you know, want to switch.

4:11 Drew They will be just moved by that.

4:14 Adam No higher compliment can be paid to a lady.

4:16 Drew Yeah. They will be thrilled. How exciting.

4:20 Adam Well, like... New meat.

4:21 Caller How would you go about asking them that?

4:24 Adam Listen, this is the deal with this. It's not really about how. Let me use another one of my famous car analogies, which I haven't made up yet. But let's say you wanted to sell your car, Drew. You'd have a price in your mind. You know what you wanted to get for it. It's not how I go about telling you, I'll give you 20 grand or 50 grand for it. It's sort of the price. And this is, if these girls are interested in doing this, they're interested in doing it or they'll do it. It's not about pretty please or how you...

4:58 Drew It's not about selling.

4:59 Adam It's how you sell it.

5:00 Drew Yeah.

5:01 Adam There's some women who'd never do this in a million years and some women who'd be excited to do it. It's a smaller percentage, albeit, but it's not really about the container it comes in. Now if you prime them with a couple of wine coolers, it will probably be a little easier sell. It's not really about how you ask them.

5:20 Drew Do they want this relationship to go on? Jeremy, do you want to break up with your girlfriend?

5:24 Caller No, I don't.

5:25 Drew You don't care?

5:26 No.

5:26 Drew Where did you get the idea that she would be into this?

5:29 Caller Well, this is just something like me and him discussing things.

5:31 Drew No doubt, I get that. But where in the hell did you think that a woman would be just hell bent on this kind of thing?

5:37 I don't know, I just kind of...

5:40 Drew I'm going to chalk it up to you being 19.

5:41 Adam Do you have any kids?

5:43 Caller No.

5:43 Adam Do they have any kids?

5:44 Caller No.

5:45 Adam Good.

5:46 We got one on the way.

5:47 Oh.

5:48 Adam You do? I do. Oh, that's the other person who's on the line who is supposed to magically know who he is?

5:54 Drew Yeah. That's Jeff.

5:55 Adam Okay, Jeff. You got one on the way.

5:57 Drew So not only are we going to jeopardize the relationship, Burke, we're going to jeopardize the life of an unborn child by exposing her to God knows what.

6:04 Adam Well, you're not going to kill a kid.

6:05 Drew You can.

6:06 Adam No, you're not. That's not the concern. Jeff?

6:10 Drew It's not?

6:11 Adam Yeah. Yes. Listen to me, Jeff. You've been with this chick three and a half years? No, no, about a year and a half. A year and a half? Yeah. Oh, and Jeremy's been with his three and a half? Yeah.

6:19 Yeah.

6:20 Adam Okay. Jeff, you have a child on the way? I do. Believe me, if you do this swap-em thing, it'll be something that will haunt the relationship.

6:30 Oh, my God.

6:31 Adam It'll be something that you argue about and talk about for years to come, all right? You have a kid on the way, don't do it. If you didn't have a kid on the way, I'd say do it because the relationship would then end six months later and no one would care. Okay? All right. Sorry, guys. Look, just get some porn.

6:50 We got that. All right.

6:52 Drew Oh, good.

6:53 Adam No kidding. By the way, this is Daddy.

6:56 Drew Yeah.

6:57 Adam Well, I want to...

6:58 Drew We got that.

6:59 Adam I want to say something. I had my... I didn't have my... The class reunion, the 20-year class reunion...

7:06 Drew What?...

7:07 Adam was not mine. Mine's next year. But a lot of my friends were in a class above me.

7:13 Drew Did you go?

7:14 Adam No, I didn't go. But they all came out back to LA. A lot of my friends.

7:18 Drew Oh, I see. Did they visit?

7:20 Adam Yeah, they visited me. Some stayed with me. And some of them have kids. And I got a friend, Alex, the guy's an attorney. He's one of my... He was one of my only normal friends.

7:31 Drew Yeah. He lived on the hill?

7:33 Adam Yeah, he lived up the hill.

7:34 Drew Yeah.

7:34 Adam Yeah, Jewish. So all the Jewish guys lived up on the hill.

7:37 Drew I see.

7:38 Adam And then the goyim lived down the hill. But I went out to lunch and breakfast with him and his kid. He got this beautiful blonde haired kid. He's probably five years old. This kid is like... I really like having a well-trained dog. He's like, thank you. After you, you know, he's not whining and bitching, complaining. He's having like no tantrums, you know. I buy him breakfast. He's like, thank you very much. He's smiley. He's polite. And I'm just looking at this little kid and I thought, we're going to have to worry about this kid? No. No. Done. He'll go off to law school or medical school or love his own family somewhere. Don't have to worry about him. Check him off the list. Why? Because he's being raised by two loving, educated, normal people who aren't completely effed up, who had kids when they were, you know, 30, 32, not 19 or 14. And I thought, done. We don't have to worry about this one. And as I always say, what a utopia we would live in if people could do this. But no, we got Jeremy and Jeff knocking one out and then talking about wife swapping. And it's Jeremy's kid or pardon me, Jeff's kid, who we're going to have to worry about. Believe me, we are. And why as a society don't we know it early?

8:52 Drew We do know. Why don't we do something about it?

8:53 Adam Why don't we just tag him? Okay, that's it, everybody. You want to solve every ill in society? Talk to my buddy, Alex. Go look at his kid. If only Alex populated, now we'd have a crappy basketball team. I'll tell you that I have no sports program, but you can leave your car windows wide open, leave your briefcase on your front seat of your car and go into your house every night. And on hot nights, leave the front door wide open. Just shut the screen. Probably wouldn't have to worry about mosquitoes. I don't know why, but I think we'd eradicate them somehow. Adam?

9:30 Hi.

9:30 Adam Yes?

9:31 Well, I'm a lesbian and I just want to know like how to approach people.

9:41 Adam Well, you got to use your tongue, right?

9:42 Yeah, well, I just don't really know. I never have a camera on and said it to anybody.

9:47 Drew All right, why don't you call or get involved with the gay and lesbian, like they usually use centers in most cities.

9:53 Okay.

9:53 Drew Okay, and give them a call and talk to people who have been through what you've been through. Generally, it's about being certain that the other person is interested in the same things you are and having a good, supportive network of friends who understand what you're dealing with in case you are rejected or in case it results in some sort of derision, somebody gets and treats you badly.

10:14 Yeah.

10:15 Drew You need some friends, you need some people who have been through what you've got.

10:17 Adam Have you ever been with a woman?

10:18 Drew No. All right. Most 15-year-olds haven't been with anybody, right?

10:22 Adam Well, not our callers. They've done anal by now. Of course, of course.

10:25 Drew That's not being with someone.

10:26 Adam It's a good, there's never been a better time to be a lesbian, by the way. Because only now, I would say in this era, if you go back and look at the Earth's calendar, this is the only era where a lesbian woman can actually have sex with straight women who are just sort of, what the hell? You know what I mean? Look at that. As a lesbian woman, you can have sex with lesbian women and straight women. Dudes won't go for this, by the way. Gay guys, all they get is gay guys in the occasional buy. But a lesbian chick can get a straight 16, 17-year-old chick who's like at camp or, you know, you just float them that, are you uptight line? You're not uptight, are you? You always want to try it, didn't you? Yeah, that's, you can do that now. Gay guy can't do that. Gay guy's not going to get away with that, is he?

11:18 No.

11:18 Adam No. All right, babe. What's up? You ever get molested?

11:21 No.

11:22 Adam Really?

11:23 Yeah.

11:23 Adam Huh?

11:24 No.

11:25 Adam Your dad beat on you?

11:26 No.

11:26 Adam What turned you lesbian?

11:28 I don't know. When I was like 12 years old and I like never was attracted to boys and, you know.

11:36 Adam Okay. So you're like out-of-the-box lesbian. I mean, you came that way.

11:41 Yeah.

11:41 Adam That's fine. All right. So talk about now don't don't announce it at school. You may get razzed or something.

11:47 Yeah, I don't.

11:48 Drew Well, you need to go to a place where people go for support. Their gay, lesbian youth centers in most cities. But also. Give me the book.

11:55 Adam I don't know. At 15, do you even want to show your face there?

11:59 Drew I should call. You do?

12:01 Adam Now look, let her open the phone books in the front of the phone.

12:05 Drew I should have the referral book there anyway.

12:06 Adam Well, go get it during the commercial.

12:08 Drew You can't reach back three inches and grab the damn thing.

12:12 Adam I hurt my balls yesterday, by the way.

12:15 Drew I'm so sorry.

12:15 Adam Yeah, I'm in pain. I got to talk to you about that. I don't know. What referral book?

12:20 Drew I don't see it. What did you do?

12:22 Adam What did you do? Why are you telling me to get something that's not there? I was playing basketball. I thought I strained my lower back, so I kind of went and sat down. You know, the back, sort of hip back.

12:33 Drew Yeah.

12:35 Adam And that's where it hurts. Like I threw my lower back out kind of thing. And then in the next couple of hours, it started migrating down to the right nut.

12:45 Drew Kidney Stone.

12:48 Adam But playing basketball?

12:49 Drew Dehydrating. That's the perfect time. Oh baby.

12:53 Adam To the nut?

12:54 Drew To the nut.

12:55 Adam Why to the nut?

12:56 Drew Because that's the way it was. It moved down towards the uteropelvic junction, the univacicular junction.

13:02 Adam Yeah. I mean, I feel like I'm dropping an egg.

13:05 Drew Yeah.

13:05 Adam Like I feel like a woman's egg is moving down.

13:08 Drew Sounds, dude.

13:09 Adam Yeah, but you've said that before.

13:11 Drew Yeah.

13:12 Adam Now, you're never right, though. I gotta go to a real doctor.

13:15 Drew Have you ever had it checked out?

13:16 Adam What? Stones? I don't know. How do you get stones? Dehydrated a little bit?

13:21 Drew You're predisposed.

13:22 Adam I've never had one before.

13:24 Drew And by your family, have you?

13:25 Adam No. We have a lot of bad stuff. Actually, the Corollas have no health problems. We're just ugly, weak people. Like, you know what we are? We're like some crappy little Japanese car from the late 70s. Like nothing doesn't work that well, doesn't look that good, nothing good about it. But it never breaks down.

13:44 Drew Dots and B210. Yeah. That's you.

13:46 Adam Like the honeybee. Yeah. We're like some piece of crap car, the Corollas. But that is cheap.

13:52 Drew Strangely.

13:53 Adam Yeah. Strangely. Thank you. That never breaks down. We are the Corollas. That is us.

13:58 Drew Yeah, but you're having kidney stones now.

14:00 Adam Really?

14:00 Drew Yeah, I think so.

14:02 Adam Something that starts in the back, like around the hip.

14:04 Drew Yeah.

14:05 Adam Like here, right? Yeah. On the other side, but right here.

14:08 Drew Perfect.

14:09 Adam And it feels... Now, why would it initially, though, feel like the backache?

14:13 Drew Because as it moves down, it starts... If it's still hung up right there, it would stay back. But as it moves down, it goes towards testing.

14:19 Adam All right. We got to move on.

14:21 Drew I mean, there's almost nothing else that will do that.

14:24 Adam Yeah. It feels like the pain is sort of migrating. And now my nut feels like... You know, someone kicks in the nuts, and there's that sort of numbing pain that kind of comes in. Visceral pain. It comes in a few minutes later and just sort of hangs around. It's kind of like a little bit of a stomach ache.

14:43 Drew You should be just drinking fluids like crazy right now. Not this one. Water.

14:48 Adam Okay.

14:48 Drew I really just go nuts on fluids.

14:49 Adam Drew pointed to a large bottle, smearing off a thief on the desk.

14:53 Drew All right.

14:54 Adam Let's go here. Is that Man Show on?

14:57 Drew Sure.

14:57 Adam What's going on over there? No, no. I'm missing my boxing thing. Isabel. Hey. Hey, you're 17. What's up?

15:04 Caller Adam, I love you.

15:05 You're a genius.

15:06 Adam Thank you. Yes, true.

15:07 Drew Thank you. You're like one.

15:09 Okay. Well, I like this guy and I don't know how to approach him. I've never talked to him and I don't know him. I don't know how to approach him. I thought about giving him a song or a poem or something. But I don't know how most guys would react to that. Like half my guy friends are all, you shouldn't give it to him because he'll think you're a stalker or something. Then my other friends are like, you should do it. It'll flatter him.

15:37 Drew So basically, a guy will take any overture as flattering. But you needn't go so far. You didn't bother with the poetry because a male will not respond to that in any way. Just to say, hey, I think you're cute will do the trick.

15:52 Adam Right. Well, here's what it is. For women, when you're thinking about whether to get together with a guy or something, it's like, well, half his looks and his personality and all that, and then sort of half his energy and his energy toward me and the way he asked me out and the story he told me. For men, it's almost a zero factor. Zero. I mean, what it is is looks, how old is he?

16:22 Caller I don't know, maybe 19?

16:24 Adam At his age, looks are a 10 and the way you ask him out is a 1. It doesn't matter.

16:30 Drew It doesn't, zero, but I think... 0.1 but I think many guys do care about sort of like character, if we put it under that.

16:40 Adam Yeah, yeah, I mean, no, they're guys, it's not... I don't mean all just physicality, although that's 85% of it, but there's a little vibe thing.

16:49 Drew I think smart, funny, cute.

16:51 Adam They'll buy into like a chick's vibe or attitude. It seems a little sexy or naughty or whatever, fun.

16:58 Caller Oh, well, like...

16:59 Drew Oh, my God.

17:00 Caller Well, what's the best way to like approach him?

17:02 Adam Well, where do you see him?

17:05 Caller Where he works.

17:06 Drew Where does he work?

17:07 Caller What kind of place?

17:08 Caller Like a store where a lot of people go to.

17:10 Drew Like a retail store?

17:12 Caller Yeah.

17:13 Adam So it's a store where they sell things?

17:15 Caller Yeah.

17:15 Adam That people go to?

17:16 Yeah.

17:17 Adam I think I know which one it is.

17:19 Caller Uh-huh.

17:20 Adam Yeah. I'm not going to say... What are you doing? Living in Bakersfield?

17:24 Caller Yeah.

17:25 Adam Hey, could you get out of that town and burn it before you leave?

17:29 Caller Well, I'm going to move soon, so...

17:30 Adam Listen, I drove through Burbank.

17:32 Caller Bakersfield.

17:32 Adam Bakersfield.

17:33 Drew Burbank, too.

17:34 Adam Burbank, too. Oh, the cops and that wretched Burbank.

17:36 Drew The judges, you like in Burbank, don't you?

17:38 Adam I drove through Bakersfield last week on my way back from Yosemite and I closed my eyes the entire ride and I was driving. So that's how committed I am to hating that Bakersfield. I just, you know what? Just ask him what he's doing. It doesn't have to be anything clever. He knows you and if he's in to you, he'll be in to you. He has not seen you there?

17:59 Caller Well, I mean, he's seen me, not like...

18:01 Caller He's seen you.

18:02 Adam No, he has.

18:03 Caller Well, not really.

18:04 Adam Hold on a second. How many times you've been in that store?

18:07 Caller Well, a few times.

18:09 Adam A few times. Shut up. Drew, as a 19-year-old dude...

18:12 Drew Bad sign. But he may be doing his job.

18:15 Adam He's doing his job. But as a 19-year-old guy, you're pretty aware of your environment, especially if there's a cute 17-year-old chick who's in it.

18:24 Drew Just about aware as, say, a hungry lion with a gazelle walking around in front of him.

18:30 Adam Yes.

18:30 Drew About like that.

18:31 Adam No. He may not put his hand over his head like a visor and bug his eyeballs out like a wolf on a cartoon. But if he's into her, he'll know who she is.

18:43 Drew Yeah. But she thinks she would already know, too, if he's, you know.

18:48 Adam Have you ever, have you ever bought anything from him or talked to him?

18:52 Caller No. Like, I used to like him last summer and I saw him, like, I didn't see him for, like, over a year and I saw him again because he worked somewhere else and, no, I really hadn't bought anything because he works in the back. He used to work in the back.

19:04 Drew Why don't you just, why don't you happen to run into him and just say, you know, do you ever, do you ever get coffee after work or you, you know, or something like that and if he is even 10% into it, he'll give you some sort of green light and just keep going. If he's not into it, don't push.

19:21 Adam Listen, women, please hear me and please hear Drew when we say, you'll never offend a guy by the way you ask him out or if you're too forward.

19:31 Drew No.

19:32 Adam The decision is, is he into you or isn't he?

19:35 Drew Yeah.

19:35 Adam And maybe people do that. People must know that on some level and they just describe it that way to save their ego. Like, it's so you don't walk home thinking you're ugly. You go, oh, well, I shouldn't have asked him out that way. But look, if there's a woman you're attracted to, there's no bad way for her to ask you out.

19:54 Drew There's no bad way.

19:55 Adam All right.

19:55 Drew I mean, think about it. Try to think of a bad way. You can't.

19:59 Adam Couldn't do it. She could say, you want to get coffee, she could carve it into a hatchet and then put it in the back of my head. Yeah. I'd still forgive her immediately. Mike.

20:09 Hi.

20:09 Adam Hey, U-19. What's up?

20:11 Can't leave them on the show. I love the show.

20:13 Adam Thanks.

20:14 I've got some bumps on my penis and...

20:17 Drew Good times.

20:18 I'm pretty sure that they're pernipenile papules.

20:21 Drew Are they symmetrical?

20:24 Yeah. They do kind of have, I guess...

20:27 Drew They go all the way around.

20:29 Well, they go all the way around the scrotum and then...

20:33 Drew The scrotum?

20:34 Yeah.

20:35 Drew Pernipenile papules are not on the scrotum. They're penile. Penis.

20:40 Well, I have these bumps on my penis. They're light colored and they're kind of hard.

20:45 Drew On your penis? On your scrotum?

20:47 It's on both. It's on the underside of the shaft and it's on the scrotum. And it's been there since before I was sexually active.

20:54 Drew I understand. But is it mostly like where the penis joins the scrotum?

20:57 Yeah, mostly.

20:59 Drew Those are something different. They're basically like sebaceous cysts. Those are totally different.

21:02 Well, I was wondering, is there any, I know they're harmless but...

21:06 Drew This is not perlipenol papules, okay? And they are harmless. But I don't know any procedure to get rid of these because they're pretty big usually.

21:15 I heard of something called electrodesiccation.

21:17 Drew No, not for this. That's just taking a little needle with spark, with an arc on the end of it, just burning it, which is the same thing as liquid nitrogen basically.

21:27 Adam Mike?

21:28 Yeah?

21:28 Adam And my balls feel like they got put in a bench vice. Oh, I heard about that. I have little sympathy for you and whatever's going on in your pants.

21:36 Yeah, I hope that turns out okay, man.

21:38 Adam I do too because I tell you, they're hurting right now. It's distracting. You know, it's like people are asking a question like here's my mantra. Oh, my balls. Oh, my balls. Oh, my balls. Oh, my balls. Oh, my balls.

21:51 Drew Okay, okay.

21:51 Adam That's all I hear while people are asking their question. I don't even know if that was that a girl or a guy who called last.

21:57 Drew It was a guy saying, oh, my balls.

21:58 Adam Oh, my balls. Only the right one, by the way.

22:01 Drew That's the right ureter that's got the stone.

22:04 Adam What side of your kidney is on?

22:06 Drew Both sides.

22:07 Adam Oh, you have one on both sides?

22:08 Drew Give me the book.

22:10 Adam No, I don't like that book.

22:11 Drew I'm going to show you where the stone is.

22:13 Adam Okay, look, I'm going to take a whiz. Drew, can you smell my urine and figure out what's going on?

22:18 Drew I could taste it.

22:20 Adam Done.

22:21 Drew Deal.

22:21 Adam All right, we're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to speak to Hillary, who's 38, interested in a younger man. Wants to know if she should go into therapy after this. Hey, everybody, Loveline. I'm Adam. Drew thinks I have a kidney stone. My right nut is killing me. All right, so what should I do? Drink a lot of water?

22:58 Drew Just four of those tonight.

22:59 Adam Four waters in general. What about diet?

23:04 Drew I'm not sure it's going to make any difference. Okay, good. Avoiding urex. Yeah, red wine might be a good thing.

23:08 Adam Come on, buddy. You know what they do? You know what they do with the doctors, these goddamn doctors? Whatever it is that you enjoy the most, they go right for it. Well, I like to see a cut back on the nicotine.

23:22 Drew You wrote it down. You wrote it down.

23:24 Adam In the Quaaludes. Yeah, I wrote wine down because I wanted to ask you a question about that layer. It has nothing to do with me, but it has to do with a study. They go right for the stuff. Just once, I'd like to hear the doctor go, see if you could cut out tofu, stream water, and back off on the exercise a little bit.

23:45 Drew There's actually a debate about whether diet has a significant effect on this, but the stones, usually most common stones start as urate crystals. Your ability, your excretion of urate is sort of something that's just you, and there are medicines that can decrease that, but you can decrease oxalates, because oxalates are dietary-related, and that's coffee, chocolate, that kind of stuff. You've mentioned that.

24:06 Adam All right, coffee.

24:07 Drew You did a bunch of coffee before you...

24:09 Adam I drank like a pot of coffee and played basketball.

24:11 Drew So oxalates, avoid.

24:12 Adam Okay, drink a lot of water.

24:13 Drew And avoid the oxalates.

24:16 Adam Coffee and chocolate, you know, the good stuff. Hillary?

24:19 Caller Yes?

24:20 Adam What's up? 38.

24:21 Caller I am 38. I am like way into younger boys. I've been into therapy twice. Not for being into younger boys, but because I have a really weird disease that Dr. Drew would probably recognize. I have like a weird combination of lupus and Crohn's disease.

24:43 Drew Wow, pure comedy.

24:45 Adam Pretty gregarious for someone who has Crohn's and lupus. Those are horrible.

24:49 Caller No, sweetheart, I am like way energetic, always have been.

24:54 Adam But like a quick question. Does every older chick who's in the young dudes have to be effing nuts? Why are they always whacked out? Not just sort of eccentric, but whacked out. What is that?

25:09 Drew Let's find out.

25:10 Adam All right. So go ahead.

25:12 Caller I'm into guys, they're a lot younger than me.

25:17 Drew How old?

25:17 Adam Okay, well that explains it.

25:18 Caller 21 to 25.

25:20 Drew Okay.

25:21 Caller I just want to know if I need to get back into therapy.

25:25 Drew What medication do you want for your lupus and Crohn's?

25:29 Caller Imuran, Amitriptyline, Compazine, Lebsin, Prednisone, you know, pretty much Prilosec, anything you want.

25:47 Drew You're not on any of the immune-modulatory medications for the lupus. You're just on the steroids, just on the Prednisone, right?

25:54 Caller Just on the steroids.

25:56 Drew And how is your Crohn's diagnosed?

25:59 Caller Well, no. Lupus is diagnosed, absolutely. And Crohn's is a positive lupus cell.

26:06 Drew Well, wait, wait, wait.

26:08 Adam Hold on. Hey, Hilary? Okay. Hold on for a second. Here's what I love about our callers. And listen, I can tell people are nuts just by hearing them inhale. I no longer have to hear the words that come out of their mouths. Just before they start talking, I know if they're nuts. You said to her, how is the Crohn's diagnosed? Alright, here's the answer. Lupus, definite, positive lupus. We have the positive lupus cell, right? Was that your question?

26:42 Drew No.

26:43 Adam It was how is the Crohn's diagnosed?

26:45 Drew Yeah. But you know what that was all about?

26:47 Adam She doesn't have it. She's crazy. So we get the lupus story.

26:53 Caller No, I had a colonoscopy, went up, took biopsies. I have Crohn's almost. I have white cells down below the first layer of skin. Okay, Dr. Drew understands what I'm talking about.

27:12 Adam My only objection is you're not telling us that in the first place. You went right into the loop.

27:18 Drew No, we can't talk to her. No.

27:21 Adam Honey, you're so high. She used the F word again.

27:26 Drew You got to wonder if she's on, if she is high, too, by the way.

27:29 Adam I don't know. I can't get back to her now. Hey, listen, I rest my case with every chick in her late 30s who's in the Young Dudes is nuts.

27:38 Drew That was your second time using the F word, too. You heard it the other two times, right?

27:42 Adam I know. All right. Listen, everybody, here's something I want to tell you. There is a button that sits right in front of me that I like to use. And I like to use this drop button like lab rats who get hooked on coke, like to hit that coke thing, you know, that feeds them the coke. Yeah. I do. So I only... Any excuse. So you start popping off and you're gone. That's it. So try me. I don't care. And by the way, I don't have a conversation with anybody about it. I'm not going to get yelled at after the show for hanging up. I feel that much better about myself. Okay, JJ, you're 24. What's up?

28:19 Caller Hey, you need to get that kidney stone taken care of.

28:22 Adam No.

28:23 Caller Dude, it's important.

28:26 I've had three.

28:27 Adam Three? How did they get it out of you?

28:30 Caller Well, I peed two of them out and the other one had to be taken out by a Lysotripsy.

28:36 Adam What's that? They stick something up the urethra?

28:38 Drew No. Well, that's what I was told. They pound on it with ultrasound.

28:41 Adam Oh, they break it up? Yeah.

28:43 They crush it with sound waves.

28:44 Adam It's like when a meteor is coming from outer space and we hit it with a laser beam.

28:47 Drew Right. That's it.

28:50 Adam I kind of enjoy that thought.

28:51 You do?

28:52 Adam No. Listen, Drew's always wrong, so this has to be something else.

28:56 Well, I hope it is because...

28:57 Drew Well, JJ, you've been through this. Have Adam describe to you what he's experiencing. Is he what sounds familiar?

29:03 Tell me, Adam.

29:04 Adam Pain in the lower back to begin with.

29:06 Drew Up mid-back.

29:08 Adam No, not that high.

29:09 Drew Lower.

29:10 Adam Lower back pain on the right side.

29:13 The hip side. Like where your hips are.

29:14 Adam Where my hip is. Right? Like on that back of your hip bone there.

29:18 Drew Sacrum.

29:19 Adam And then a sort of migration down to my right nut.

29:24 Caller Does it feel like something is inside of you?

29:27 Adam Drew's penis was in there during the break. Is that what he's talking about?

29:32 Drew No, other than that.

29:33 Adam Oh, other than Drew?

29:35 Caller A foreign object that isn't usually there.

29:37 Adam Well, Drew's parents are from Eastern Europe, so technically. Now, I don't quite have that foreign object feel. I have the pain in the hip that has now migrated to the pain in the nut. And it feels like there has been a migration, but I don't know what has migrated.

29:53 Caller Okay.

29:54 Adam Is that, did your nut get some pain in it?

29:56 Caller Oh, well, the best way for me to describe it is, you know when you had shop class and there was a vice on the bench?

30:03 Adam Yeah.

30:03 Caller Get up on the bench, put your nuts in it, and start turning it down.

30:08 Adam Really? Oh, it hurt. And on just one nut?

30:10 No, either one, yeah.

30:12 Adam You don't hear about the nut in the kidney stone that much, do you? You always hear about the pain in the abdomen and stuff. But the nut, why is the nut having pain? That's not even in the loop, is it?

30:25 Caller I don't know.

30:26 Drew It certainly occurred to me.

30:27 Caller The first time it happened, I went out and had a bunch of beers with the guys, and then went and had beers with some more friends.

30:35 Adam Beer is the worst, alcohol is the worst thing you can do, right?

30:38 Well, no.

30:39 Caller Some of them say it is, some of them say it's not.

30:41 Drew It's just irritating, that's all.

30:42 Adam But you want to hydrate yourself, not deplete yourself.

30:45 Drew Yeah, but you want to flush the ureter, you want fluid, you want volume going through.

30:50 Adam Oh, so, oh, okay. I'll drink some beer then.

30:52 Caller So there's nothing wrong with drinking beer, it's what they told me.

30:55 Adam Oh, okay. Because I always thought alcohol dehydrated you.

30:58 Drew It does, but this is not about your body volume, it's about fluid.

31:01 Adam This is about keeping it moving.

31:02 Caller Yeah.

31:03 Adam Oh, what's wrong with the coffee, then?

31:05 Drew The oxalates.

31:06 Adam Yeah. All right, and get some beer.

31:09 Caller Get some beer, start pounding it down.

31:11 Adam All right, all right. Thanks, thanks. Now my nuts hurt more.

31:15 Drew My nuts are starting to hurt just standing around you.

31:17 Adam Now, can I, why is your, I, Drew, please, tell me if I'm wrong. I've heard about the kidney stones my whole life. I never hear people complaining about the balls hurting. Now, is that?

31:27 Drew Probably because there's some things in our society.

31:28 Adam The quorum?

31:29 Drew Outside of this program where people don't just broadcast, you know what I'm saying? They don't immediately go, they'll say, oh, I had abdominal pain. Right. They don't go, oh my nuts are in a vice.

31:41 Adam Okay.

31:42 Drew Only this show do people get real specific about what they're experiencing.

31:45 Adam But so the ball in the one ball hurting is-

31:47 Drew But your doctor will know that it refers pain to the testy.

31:51 Adam It does. Yes.

31:53 Drew Now you're testing on bad, bad times, bad times. And yeah, can we share our bathroom conversation?

32:00 Adam Yeah, what was that?

32:00 Drew About the bulge.

32:02 Adam Oh yeah, go ahead, sure.

32:03 Drew I'm quite sure of that. I know I couldn't pee after talking to you about your nuts and the bulge.

32:09 Adam Yeah.

32:09 Drew But everyone knows.

32:10 Adam Well, I have a Hernia bulge that's just above the pubeline there that's been with me for about eight years. And I was asking Drew if that could have been the problem. And I don't remember what I said. What did I say to you?

32:25 Drew So I care.

32:27 Adam Of course, you know, of course, you know, you know, of my bulge.

32:30 Drew You've seen the bulge.

32:33 Adam Megan.

32:34 Yeah.

32:34 Caller Hey, yeah.

32:35 Hey, hey, I love the show.

32:37 Caller And Adam, I just want to tell you, I know a lot of people call in and say they have your name written on their shoe.

32:42 Caller Well, I actually have an Adam Corolla shirt.

32:44 Caller I got it made and it says hooray for Adam Corolla. Wow. And I wear it to school and guys love it.

32:50 Adam That's so awesome.

32:51 Caller Yeah. And my friend has one that says, I want to be just like Adam Corolla.

32:54 Adam Wow.

32:55 Caller Yeah.

32:55 Adam That's huge.

32:56 Drew And your favorite town too is Chicago.

32:58 Adam I love that.

32:59 Caller Yeah. But my question is for Drew and I guess kind of for Adam too. I want to get a lip ring, but I have the cartilage of my ear pierced and that was infected. So I was wondering if my body would reject it.

33:13 Drew That's not the most typical rejection site. It's more eyelid or eyebrow rather. The lip? Eyelid, that'd be nice. But first of all, there's two things. Some people have bacteria on their skin or don't heal as well as others. So you may be prone to infection that may just be you. Now, the fact that your cartilage got infected in the ear is sort of a different issue because that's a very non-vascular area. It's common for it to get infected and it's awful when it does. I'm sure you've heard that. So just because you had infection in the cartilage doesn't mean you're going to get it in the lip. But didn't that discourage you from doing more piercing?

33:47 Caller No.

33:47 Caller It only hurt a little.

33:48 Caller I didn't hurt that much. I like the way it looks.

33:52 Adam If in somebody got, okay, you don't know, Drew, right? Because maybe the needle wasn't sterilized properly.

33:59 Drew It may have just been one of those things. You're right. Maybe just on her skin that day was the...

34:03 Adam That day.

34:03 Drew Yeah.

34:04 Adam But in general, if somebody got an infection in a certain part of their body, would you say that that person is more prone to infection than the next guy?

34:13 Drew If she'd gotten one in a normal, like a nose ring or something like that, I'd say yeah. But the cartilage just has no blood supply. It's hard for the body to clear infection from there.

34:22 Adam You mean the real high piercing?

34:24 Drew The cartilage, yeah.

34:25 Adam Up on the top of the air.

34:26 Drew Would you get the tragus or something?

34:28 Adam Oh, I don't know. Wait, I thought it was cartilage hanging. What hangs off the bottom of the air?

34:33 Drew That's flesh. That's nothing.

34:34 Adam That's just flesh.

34:35 Drew But everything hard is all the hard stuff.

34:37 Adam Right.

34:38 Caller Yeah.

34:38 Adam Okay.

34:38 Caller And then Adam, I was wondering if you could say hi to my friend Julie. She's the one with the other shirt and she listens religiously. She loves you too. So.

34:45 Adam Hey, Julie.

34:46 Caller Oh, thank you.

34:47 Adam Thanks for wearing that shirt. I appreciate it.

34:50 Caller Thanks, guys. Bye.

34:50 Drew Yeah, Megan. Slow down. You're 16.

34:54 Adam But don't slow down on that shirt.

34:56 Drew Yeah. Put the energy into t-shirts, not hardware.

35:00 Adam Jesse?

35:01 Yes.

35:02 Adam That would be a great bumper sticker. You're 19.

35:06 Caller Yeah.

35:06 Adam What's up?

35:08 Drew What's that?

35:09 Adam Okay. Hold on a second. We got to take a break. I got to continue flushing myself.

35:13 Drew Are you hurting?

35:15 Adam More? Well, the more-

35:16 Drew The more you think about it, huh?

35:17 Adam Well, this is a problem with the stone. It's kind of like a tapeworm or crab or something. It's like once you bring up the fact that something's in you, see up until tonight, it was like, I strained my back playing ball. A hot bath and take it easy for a day and a half and I'll be right back on my feet. But now I got this sort of eminent doom kind of thing coming.

35:41 Drew You're freaking out.

35:43 Adam Well, I'm waiting for this stone now. Now I feel like there's something in me and it's, you know, it's gathering momentum.

35:50 Drew It needs to gather momentum.

35:50 Adam It's going to get worse.

35:51 Drew It could.

35:53 Adam All right. I got, you know, I haven't got a- I haven't got a stone so far in my life and I'm feeling confident. I'm going to flush this one right out. Drew.

36:01 Drew Yeah.

36:02 Adam And take this as a doctor, please, not as a man, but if you sucked on my penis, could you pull it out? And? And could you pull it out of me? Seriously, totally non-sexual thing.

36:16 Drew Just vacuum.

36:17 Adam Yeah. I mean, Doug would be cool with that. You understand I'm the talent and your job is to produce. And sometimes that means getting a cup of coffee and sometimes it means a blow job.

36:28 Drew But, you know, this is what you said. You know how the urethra is sort of a it's sort of a soft. It is.

36:34 Adam If you know, it gets hard.

36:35 Drew It's not going to collapses. But if she blew real hard into it, she blow it out my ass.

36:42 Adam All right. And I'll tell you what. First ten minutes. Just sucking. It's like, I don't know. I don't know if the stone came out. A bunch of white stuff came out. Well, let's sift through it and see if the stone's in there. All right. We'll take a break.

37:00 Love Live with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

37:06 Adam I'm Adam. That's Drew over there. 1-800-LOVE-191 is the phone number. Kevin Smith from Jane Simon Bobstrike Back coming in a little bit later this week. Directed the movie and starred in it. And we'll go find out if I was cut out of it or not. Nice guy. And I did get a jacket out of it. And he was a very easy director. Although I must say when I was doing the scene, he was like, yeah, I was fine. All right, you can go. I was like, what, really? You don't want to try it again? No. Seems like that's good. Seen enough. I think everybody said. Jesse?

37:49 Caller Yes.

37:49 Adam You're 19?

37:50 Caller Yeah, I'm 19. I just want to start by saying I listen all the time and I learn tons of good stuff from you guys.

37:56 Drew Oh, good. Tonight it's stone night.

37:58 Adam Yeah, it's good.

37:58 Caller I figured I'm just going to listen first and learn a lot of stuff and then maybe I'll call in.

38:03 Drew Should we get into the gallstones too while we're at it?

38:05 Adam What is the difference between a gallstone and a kidney stone?

38:07 Drew They're very different. One occurs in the gallbladder. One occurs in the kidney.

38:11 Adam Makes sense.

38:12 Drew Urate crystals around with calcium oxalate usually are what are called triple phosphate stones. It's the most common one.

38:18 Adam But do they both go out the urethra?

38:20 Drew No.

38:21 Adam Where's the gallstone go?

38:22 Drew It stays in the gallbladder.

38:24 Adam Oh, never moves?

38:24 Drew Yeah, and it either absorbs or occludes the outlet to the gallbladder and the gallbladder swells up.

38:30 Adam Well, that's got to hurt. Oh, it's bad times. You got to get that out surgically? Yeah.

38:35 Drew Well, now they do it with a scope. You know, they don't even have a knife.

38:38 Adam Send it up? Where do they send it? They don't send it out.

38:40 Drew They put a couple.

38:41 Adam I'll put a little incisions. Jesse?

38:43 Caller Yes.

38:44 Adam So, what's up?

38:45 Caller Well, skinny of it is, I'm 19, still a virgin. You probably heard it before. What I just don't understand, I mean, what, how could, do I just, I mean, go out and just have sex with random girls? Is that, I mean...

39:01 Drew Is that your plan?

39:03 Caller Yeah, well, it seems like it's not a bad idea.

39:07 Drew Is that what you want to do?

39:09 Caller Well, no, it's just something I'd like to get off my chest.

39:11 Drew You just want to get rid of the, just cast off that virginity anyway you can.

39:15 Caller Yeah.

39:16 Adam Yeah.

39:16 Caller For the most part. I mean, and I like girls a lot, you know.

39:23 Adam Have you had a girlfriend?

39:25 Caller I've had quite a few.

39:27 Drew How was that?

39:28 Caller Well, the relationships always seemed to end before it got anything serious like that.

39:33 Drew Why?

39:35 Caller I have no idea.

39:37 Drew Did you want them to end or did she want them to end?

39:39 Caller Well, no. I mean, most of the breakups were initiated by the girls.

39:45 Drew Why? What was the problem?

39:49 Caller Most of the reasons were, in fact, you know, well, I needed eight other people and stuff like that.

39:53 Drew So you don't know what the problem was.

39:55 Adam Something's wrong with Jesse. That's the problem.

39:57 Caller Dude, did they ever tell you?

39:58 Caller Did they ever tell you the real reason?

40:00 Caller No.

40:02 Adam I don't know. Jesse sounds a little weird. Hey, Jesse?

40:07 Caller Yeah.

40:08 Adam What do you do? Do you work?

40:10 Caller Yes, I do.

40:11 Adam What do you do?

40:12 Caller I do customer service.

40:14 Adam I see.

40:15 Caller I talk to people on the phones all day.

40:17 Adam Oh, really? Wow. Because you really sound like you don't have a great temperament for that. But then again, anyone ever talked to you in customer service, I think, what the hell are you doing in this line of business? We are perfect. I'm sorry. So you need to not think about this so much. It can affect your life the way it does. Because you are making too much of it. Right. Women, look, look. He's got a weird line, so I'm putting him on hold. Women are just as individual as men are.

40:46 Drew Yeah, of course.

40:47 Adam And...

40:48 Drew Like more so.

40:49 Adam You are going to find some that screw you over, and you are going to find some that are great.

40:53 Drew More so. Come on. Men are much more...

40:55 Adam Rigid and simple. Yes, they are easier to figure out.

40:58 Drew It's like a...

41:00 Adam Amoeba.

41:02 Drew Yeah. Like a Lego machine or something. One crank.

41:06 Adam Well, it's like... You want to go study... You go to the Galapagos Islands and study sea guanas. They are not going to vary that much from one to the other. They are just reptiles basically. Men are basically that way when it comes to their sexuality.

41:20 Drew That's right.

41:22 Adam Jesse is like a little angry and a little weird and a little bitter and he's got a chip on his shoulder and there's...

41:27 Drew A little paranoid.

41:29 Adam Yeah, a little freaked out with the chicks.

41:30 Drew Let's ask him more.

41:31 Adam No, his line is bad. I don't want to talk to him. Whatever it is, Jesse, just relax. One thing women can definitely pick up on is vibe. And Jesse's vibe ain't good. Anne, would you agree with that? That his vibe is sort of negative or weird?

41:50 Caller I mean, a little bit.

41:51 Caller I think he just wants to get this thing going.

41:54 He's 19, probably all his friends have lost their virginity.

41:56 Caller Right.

41:57 Adam But imagine if you're going out on a date or two with Jesse and you're getting that, he wants to get this thing over with.

42:03 Yeah.

42:03 Adam Kind of vibe.

42:04 Drew That and you chicks never tell me what's really going on.

42:09 Adam Yeah, I've been dumped by a lot of chicks, but they all lie, so who knows? Kind of vibe. It's tough. I'll tell you the thing that's a real bitch. When you're 19 as a guy, you have no identity. You're working customer service for Christ's sake. It's embarrassing. As a woman, you may not have any identity either, but who cares? You're still very hot, very desirable, very dateable at 19. As a guy who's 19, you're driving a piece of ass around town, your dad's still yelling at you, you're doing customer service, you just have zero identity, zero, plus you're a virgin. So it's like your confidence is at all time low and chicks pick up on that vibe. He's got a date like a retarded 13-year-old.

42:57 Drew Eddie Curasi, do you think 19 to 28-year-olds, let's say, are aware of that, male or female, that the men's stock is going to go up and women may not last so long or may go down? Do you think they're thinking about that?

43:09 Adam No, but why? What would you change about it?

43:12 Drew I don't know. Well, guys, more patient.

43:14 Adam I mean, just think about how much higher a guy's stock is at 35 than it is at 19 when he has zero identity at 19. And nobody does, except for Drew over here. He used to wave that pre-med thing around to try to get some poon tang. David? Hey, what's up? I'm like, yeah, I'm cleaning carpets. I'm hoping to move into cleaning upholstery. That's where the money is. And my boss tells me I should get in the fish tank cleaning because that's where, you know, there's more money into that, too.

43:44 Drew What's up, David?

43:45 Caller Hey, what's up, mayonnaise? What's up, Drew?

43:47 Adam What's happening, David?

43:49 Caller I just want you to know, like, what are the long-term effects of, like, a peyote, like, for doing it for the first time this weekend?

43:55 Drew You doing other hallucinogens or just peyote? Or have you done other hallucinogens?

43:59 Caller Just peyote.

44:00 Drew You've never done anything? You've never done any exorcism? How much peyote have you spoken?

44:05 Caller Like, once a week. Oh, BS.

44:08 Drew David, how much peyote have you spoken?

44:09 Adam Well, there's only two days in David's week.

44:11 Drew Oh, that's right. Every other day. No LSD, no ecstasy?

44:16 Caller No.

44:17 Adam Where do you get peyote?

44:19 Caller Oh, my friends bring it in from California. I mean, these are in here, and we're just going to have a party.

44:23 Adam Well, what do you do? Grow peyote? What is it made from? Cactus or weed or something?

44:29 Drew Well, it's a hallucinogen, and I can't say that a single use is going to do anything, but it's obviously good for the brain, okay? Repeated use of any hallucinogen puts you at risk for permanent alteration of brain chemistry.

44:43 Adam The one time is not going to kill you, but you could be vomiting for a few days.

44:48 Drew Well, it's-

44:50 Adam And you might do something stupid on your skateboard, like ride it off the roof of a building or something like that.

44:55 Drew If you're prone to depression, it can really precipitate that kind of thing. Or if you've had anxiety disorders, can be triggered. The things that can be triggered by these, they can be really disabling and unpleasant. So I don't know why I take that risk. Is it really worth it for peyote?

45:08 Adam You know, peyote is too big a commitment for me.

45:11 Drew Because of the vomiting?

45:12 Adam The heaving and aren't you high for a couple of days?

45:16 Drew It can be a long- Yeah, that's the other part about it. I've seen things like peyote, like gypsum weed and things create these deliriums, where people do very weird ass.

45:25 Adam Here's what I'm saying. You drop that butt in a peyote and you're feeling pretty freaky an hour into it. You look forward to another 30 hours of being freaked out of your brain.

45:36 Drew I wish Carlos Castaneda would write a book now about his current condition.

45:40 Adam Why? Who's that?

45:42 Drew You didn't read those books when you were in high school?

45:43 Adam No, you mean, is that like Timothy Leary or something?

45:46 Drew Yeah, he wrote all these books. What the hell was it? You remember those books he had? Carlos Castaneda books?

45:50 Adam No. He wrote Don Quixote? Drew, we didn't read those books in high school about how tripping cool drugs were.

46:00 Drew Basically, you did a lot of...

46:01 Adam Find yourself through drugs.

46:02 Drew I'm trying to feel like hanging out with the Indians and doing peyote and stuff.

46:05 Adam Yeah.

46:06 Drew He had permanent brain effects.

46:08 Adam Yeah, but you got to understand, what was that, high school for you? Yeah. You see, we just missed the Freak-O train, the freak out psycho train that you did.

46:17 Drew I was square on.

46:19 Adam Yeah, because we were in high school. It was like eight early eighties.

46:22 Drew Right. It wasn't the seventies.

46:24 Adam That was like go-goes and coke. We missed the whole bell bottom, moccasin, freak out, convene with nature. Let's go apologize to the Indians.

46:34 Drew Right. This was all that.

46:35 Adam Yeah. That was like we missed it by like five, six years. Thank God.

46:39 Drew What a shame.

46:41 Adam All right. We'll take a break. We'll be back.

46:45 Loveline, we'll be right back.

46:47 Adam Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there.

46:53 Drew And we've just rewritten the history of America in the 70s.

46:55 Adam What did you say?

46:56 Drew We've got to rewrite our own history of America, as seen through the eyes of young adolescents, ourselves in the 70s.

47:03 Adam You young people, you miss something with the 70s, and you're very lucky. And I know it's somewhat glorified today. You think it was all disco.

47:14 Drew Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

47:15 Adam And bell-bottoms.

47:16 Drew That was sort of the fringy part of it, really.

47:18 Adam That was the fringy, glitzy disco late 70s. You guys, you guys want to know what the real 70s felt like? Go rent a movie called Billy Jack.

47:33 Drew That was as good as it got.

47:34 Adam That'll tell you what the 70s was like.

47:36 Drew That was the top of the 70s.

47:38 Adam A bunch of white people beating up Indians, and everything is brown and orange, and it's real depressing.

47:45 Drew America's bad. We're bad, you're bad, and we're angry.

47:49 Adam Just go rent Billy Jack and enjoy.

47:51 Drew Somebody's got to call in and remind me the name of that Carlos Castaneda book.

47:55 Adam You think any of our moronic listeners are going to know?

47:59 Drew The return of the happy.

48:00 Adam Get on the computer and find it. Sarah?

48:02 Caller Yes?

48:03 Adam You're 16.

48:04 Caller Yeah, hi.

48:05 Adam What's up?

48:06 Caller I'm having some problems with my mom. She's been addicted to smoking crack for a long time. And I found out like two years ago and she went into rehab for maybe about two weeks and she went out of it and we thought everything was fine and she went back and forth from using and I knew about it. And tonight, well, tonight I found like a bag of her stuff usually and it was inside my room. Oh boy.

48:41 Adam In your room.

48:42 Caller Yeah, like I just came back from California for my dad. And I also found out from my friend because I'm at my friend's house because I didn't want to stay home. And I found out that her boyfriend is living in who's in work release right now.

49:00 Adam Work release from prison?

49:02 Caller Well, yeah.

49:03 Adam Right.

49:04 Caller I mean, he's out of it now, but he's like kind of like he has to stay at home and everything.

49:08 Adam Your mom sounds like a dynamite lady, by the way.

49:11 Drew She's got her stuff together. Got her act together.

49:13 Caller I know. I kind of get upset with her.

49:15 Adam Yeah. Well, what about your dad? I mean, what kind of guy is he?

49:20 Caller He was the one who got her on drugs.

49:22 Adam Oh.

49:22 Drew Is he in recovery now?

49:24 Caller When I was younger.

49:24 Drew Is he still out or is he in recovery now?

49:26 Caller He's recovered now, but he used to be an abusive alcoholic as well.

49:30 Drew All right. Got it. All right.

49:32 Caller But he's like, I'm fine now.

49:34 Adam So you think she's back on the crack now?

49:37 Caller I know she is because... All right.

49:39 Drew What do you want to do?

49:40 Caller Well, here's the thing. I don't know if I should tell my grandmother about it.

49:45 Drew Why don't you go back and live with your dad as a recovering?

49:47 Caller Well, he's in California and I really don't want to live with him.

49:51 Drew Why?

49:52 Adam Well, who the hell wants to live in California when all your friends are in Chicago?

49:56 Caller Well, is that it?

49:56 Adam You're 16 and going into your junior year.

49:58 Drew Is that it?

49:59 Caller Yeah.

49:59 Drew Okay. Because I thought maybe you still... I harbored a lot of resentments against your dad for what happened when you were young.

50:04 Caller No, I don't have... Well, yeah, I kind of do, but...

50:07 Drew Can you get to some Al-Anon meetings? Or Alateen, rather?

50:11 Caller Yeah, I can in Liberty Valley, but...

50:13 Drew Have you been to that before?

50:14 Caller I've been to one meeting, but at the time she was in the hospital and stuff.

50:19 Drew You need to... Your dad is in recovery now. He may be available to you in a new way. And if you're open to that, it could help you through this.

50:27 Adam How far away does your grandmother live?

50:29 Caller She lives in Florida.

50:32 Drew Well, you got to tell everyone you can. I think you got to tell not only the grandparents, you got to call the police, you got to turn the drug in, you got to call adult protective services.

50:39 Adam Leave the cops alone for a second.

50:40 Drew All right, well call adult child protective services.

50:42 Adam Leave them alone too. Call your dad and have a conversation with him.

50:47 Drew Well, for sure tell your dad. Tell everyone you can tell, because you need all the support you can get and you need someone to help you with this. Your mom is not competent right now. She's on drugs and you need help. It's not your responsibility. Other adults need to come in and step in to help you.

51:02 Adam Okay. Do you have any brothers or sisters?

51:04 Caller I have two half-brothers with my dad. But I found out that the boyfriend that's living with us, he's known about it and she's threatened to call the police on him. Because she's barren. So he doesn't want to go back to prison and so he knows about it and he's letting her do that.

51:23 Adam Yeah. Well, hey, Sarah.

51:25 Caller Yeah.

51:26 Adam Let me tell you, and I'll just give you this real fast. You're a smart person, you're a sane person, you have a one-up on your mom and your dad and most people around you. I don't know why, but you do. I can hear it in your voice.

51:41 Caller Yeah, I'm kind of nervous.

51:43 Adam And you've been through a lot in your life.

51:45 Caller Yeah.

51:45 Adam And life will be okay for you. And you look at your mom as your mom and you love her and you're worried about her and we just look at her as some crazy, a crack addicted screwball. Okay. You've got to get a little distance and think, look, you're not going down with her. You love her, but you can't let her bring you down with her, okay? You've got to take care of yourself. You have to get good grades and you have to go far away to college somewhere.

52:10 Drew You do. That's true. You need to go.

52:12 Caller I'm just afraid of like waking up one morning and she's not going to be there.

52:16 Drew That is a possibility.

52:18 Adam That maybe it's a decision she made that there's nothing you can do about it.

52:22 Drew You can go to Al-Anon or Alateen. You can call your dad. You can call for help and you can realize that this isn't your responsibility and that you need help from whichever adult is willing to come and help you.

52:33 Adam Right. All right. Good luck.

52:34 Drew You know, the interesting brainwashing point about her, you sense that there's really somebody present with her. There's a real self there. It's not all that fractured, damaged stuff.

52:43 Adam Yeah, I do.

52:44 Drew I was talking to a psychiatrist there last week and he was saying that there is now an independent... A study showed they're trying to figure out why some people have these sort of seemingly genetic endowments where they're just better able to handle incredible trauma in childhood.

52:58 Adam Right.

52:58 Drew And they think there's just maybe some people that can just handle... You've talked about this before, right?

53:02 Adam Yeah, I always just call it horsepower.

53:03 Drew Yeah, horsepower.

53:04 Adam It's about being smart.

53:05 Drew But what's interesting, they found one independent variable, which is being attractive, as though if you're attractive, you bring people to you to rescue you and to connect to you and to keep coming in.

53:16 Adam You mean physically attractive?

53:17 Drew Physically attractive. Isn't that bizarre?

53:18 Adam Yeah.

53:19 Drew And that to me triggers a whole lot of other thoughts about, holy God, does that mean that's another...

53:25 Adam We got to punish the ugly again? Once again?

53:28 Drew Right.

53:29 Adam Well, they deserve it.

53:30 Drew They are ugly, Drew. My head immediately goes to obesity.

53:34 Adam Oh, don't worry.

53:36 Drew You know what I mean? And that genetic mark, yeah.

53:38 Adam Don't worry, your kids are pretty. Tristan?

53:41 Caller Yeah.

53:41 Adam You're 16?

53:42 Caller Hey, what's up?

53:43 Adam What's up?

53:43 Caller What's going on, Drew?

53:44 Caller Hey.

53:46 Caller Hey, so I was hearing you guys' opinion on how girls are in trouble if they don't like their dad, right?

53:52 Adam Yes.

53:53 Caller I was learning what your opinion is if they don't like their mother.

53:56 Adam If the girls don't like their mother?

53:58 Caller Yeah.

53:58 Drew We call them a teenager.

53:59 Adam You're fine. Okay, cool. Now, look, if you're their lesbian partner, there may be trouble, even then, no. All right. Now, I really think that a woman's temperament and almost sexual disposition and just sort of general disposition as she relates to her intimate partners is laid out by dad. Well, mom can F it up a little bit, but it's generally dad.

54:29 Drew We certainly hear a lot of that.

54:31 Adam Put it this way, Drew. Would you rather date a girl who had... Well, no. Okay, here's... I'm gonna give you a tough call here. You ready? You're dating a young woman, okay? Let's just say you're 23. You're dating a 23-year-old woman, right?

54:50 Drew Yep.

54:52 Adam Would you rather she had some problems with her dad? Let's just say on the scale of 1 to 10, let's give her 10 being the most problem, you know, abuse and alcoholism. Would you rather she was at a 5 with her dad or a 9 with her mom?

55:10 Drew 9 with the mom.

55:11 Adam Right.

55:11 Drew Yeah.

55:12 Adam You got a much better shot.

55:13 Drew Yeah.

55:14 Adam Yeah, I don't know why, but that's the way it works.

55:16 Drew You know what? A lot of the stuff with mom is early in life.

55:19 Adam Right.

55:20 Drew Women have an easier time with all that for some reason. They individuate better, they identify more strongly with mom because they are mom. They're not suffering. They got a vagina. The later stuff is more the interpersonal stuff and that comes on with them.

55:34 Adam Yeah.

55:35 Caller All right.

55:35 Adam So don't worry about mom. Christina?

55:39 Caller Hi.

55:39 Adam Hey, you're 13. What's up?

55:42 Caller Well, I heard like a couple weeks ago, like this girl called in and she said that like when she was little, that she would like play with like her girlfriends and they would like touch each other and stuff. And then Dr. Drew said that that was like bad and that she had like gotten abused or whatever. And I had like done that with like when I was like in kindergarten to when I was in third grade, I would like me and my like girlfriends would like touch each other and stuff.

56:06 Drew Exploration is one thing. I mean, we were talking about someone who had explicit sexualized behaviors. They were trying to stimulate towards, you know, genital stimulation.

56:17 Caller Yeah, we were like doing it.

56:19 Drew Okay.

56:19 Adam Well, it's weird. Drew and I argue about this. We go in circles and I sort of half agree with him. But I think it's more widespread. And Drew agrees with this. I know you're going to jump in. But what I mean is, is Drew says this comes in the face of abuse. This is a byproduct of abuse that came before it.

56:42 Drew With somebody, one of these kids.

56:43 Adam With a lot of them.

56:44 Drew One of these kids.

56:45 Adam I think there's a lot of this that goes on that is not in the face of that abuse. And then it's experimentation. And it's hard to say what's sexual and what's not, because you got the person's cooch in your face, or you're playing doctor or whatever it is. So it all feels sexual, except for at age six, it's hard to feel sexual.

57:02 Drew Right.

57:03 Adam But it feels, here's what I think it feels like. It feels like it's naughty. And there's a thing, I mean, you take a kid and you put that sign at the museum that says do not touch and they touch. I mean, there's that, we're doing something that shouldn't be done.

57:19 Drew But my point has always been that some child you often was sexualized as an adult, and that kid becomes the sort of infecting agent.

57:27 Adam It becomes a ringleader. Yeah.

57:29 Caller Well, my mom, like when I was really little, she like told me what sex was, and she like made me like see her vagina.

57:36 Caller Oh, okay.

57:38 Adam See, you had a cramp on my point. She made you look at her?

57:42 Caller Yeah.

57:43 Adam She couldn't just get a book, too cheap.

57:47 Caller Well, she got a book, too.

57:49 Adam Now, what do you mean look at her vagina?

57:51 Caller She like made me look, I can't remember it too well, but she like made me look at her vagina.

57:56 Drew I get angry at this stuff. That is the most.

57:58 Adam What did she do? Lift her skirt up and show you?

58:01 Caller I just like remember her butt.

58:02 Drew This is again people so mis-attuned to their kids, so mal-attuned, all in the name of some ideological point, they've got to drive home.

58:11 Adam Well, look, somebody probably did something weird to mama. You know, what happened, my mom showed me her vagina once, and just as she flipped on the vacuum cleaner, I thought I was going to get sucked up into there. That's why I'm in therapy right now, true story.

58:29 Drew That fits with your pathology, by the way.

58:31 Adam Thank you. All right, so look, are you all right now? Are you getting raved?

58:37 Caller Well, like a couple of summers ago, I was like molested by my cousin.

58:42 Adam Oh boy, here we go. All right, but meanwhile, you come from a family, but that kind of stuff's probably normal, right?

58:50 Caller Sort of.

58:51 Adam Okay, baby. Look, let me give you your five-year plan.

58:55 Caller Okay.

58:56 Adam Do not get pregnant.

58:58 Caller Okay.

58:58 Adam Do not get pregnant. Get your grades up. Get your grades up and your skirt down. Do you hear me that?

59:05 Caller Yeah.

59:05 Adam All right, that's what I like to say. Here's what I want to see. Hair up.

59:10 Drew Grades up.

59:11 Adam Grades up. Panties up. Skirt down. That's what I would yell over the PA 5. It's the principle of the school.

59:19 Drew Grades up. Hair up.

59:21 Adam Oh no, wait.

59:22 Drew Panties up. Skirt down. No, it doesn't work.

59:26 Adam Well, how about grades up, panties up, skirt down? We call it the GPS system.

59:32 Drew All right, there you go. Global Positioning.

59:34 Adam Or... That's right.

59:35 Drew Wait, wait, wait. What? I remember the name of that book I was trying to think of. It's like the... Almost. It's the Road to Something. Carl is casting it. And of course, somebody from Oregon hasn't had a call in with the title.

59:45 Adam Somebody's going to call in?

59:46 Drew Somebody's got it.

59:47 Adam Yeah, you know they don't.

59:48 Drew Let's see.

59:49 Adam It's always... How old are they? Always a disappointment. Oh, well, now with the computer, maybe. Steven? Hey there. You're 16. What's up, Smarty Pants?

59:57 Caller Hey, I'm not Smarty Pants. All right, anyway. There's like three different books and they're all on like the same thing.

1:00:04 Drew Yeah, what's the road to what? Or the way or the road or the...

1:00:08 Caller A Yakoi way of knowledge.

1:00:10 Drew No, that wasn't that.

1:00:11 Caller A separate reality.

1:00:12 Drew Separate. Yeah, it was the other one.

1:00:14 Caller The Art of Dreaming. The other one.

1:00:16 Drew I guess it was separate. That's all Carlos Castaneda?

1:00:18 Caller Yeah, that's all Carlos Castaneda.

1:00:19 Drew I guess it was separate reality.

1:00:21 Caller It's really good stuff.

1:00:22 Adam Thanks.

1:00:22 Drew It's all sick.

1:00:23 Adam Did you read it?

1:00:24 Drew Sick, twisted.

1:00:25 Caller Yeah, my dad handed it to me and I got most of it and it was really good. It was like mind-blowing.

1:00:31 Drew Yeah, well, it's all. Listen, just call Mr. Castaneda and see where he is now.

1:00:37 Adam Why? Just how do you know? Maybe he's doing quite well.

1:00:40 Drew Maybe he is.

1:00:40 Adam You think he's like with Timothy Leary?

1:00:42 Drew Yes.

1:00:43 Adam Since some of his ashes have been shot in the space. Didn't Leary get his ashes shot in the space?

1:00:49 Drew I'm sure.

1:00:51 Adam Do you guys care where your ashes go? No. You know, it's weird though. You know, it's always weird. It's like, look, you're dead. You're dead. I don't care what happens. Stuff me full of embalming fluid and, you know, put me in a pine box and bury me or throw me into an incinerator. I don't care. And then someone will go, what about somebody, you know, sodomizing you, you know, raping your corpse? And it's like, oh, no way. Come on, buddy. Get real. No way. Do you know what I'm talking about?

1:01:21 Drew Yeah, you feel helpless.

1:01:22 Adam Would that haunt you?

1:01:23 Drew No.

1:01:25 Adam No, it wouldn't.

1:01:26 Drew You're Mr. Atheist. How can you be bothered by stuff like that?

1:01:28 Adam I know, but it's still like extra weird, isn't it?

1:01:31 Drew No one's going to sodomize you.

1:01:32 Adam No, you don't think so?

1:01:33 Drew Not, why is it you, you be worried about that afterlife? You're so into it during life.

1:01:40 Adam I think it'd be a good thing to tell somebody if you killed them, like all the weird stuff you're going to do with their corpse. You know what I mean? Really freak them out? They give it a little extra dimension? I mean like in a movie, I don't think I'd ever do that, or myself. I wouldn't dirty my hands.

1:01:59 Caller I understand.

1:02:00 Adam Josh?

1:02:01 Yeah?

1:02:02 Adam You're 20, what's up?

1:02:04 Caller I have a question, me and a friend of mine, we have another friend who is going to have to have both of his testicles taken out.

1:02:12 Drew Why?

1:02:13 Caller Because he has cancer.

1:02:14 Adam No, I may have to have one removed.

1:02:16 Caller Well, the doctors are going to have to remove them.

1:02:17 Drew Both of them?

1:02:18 Caller Yeah, that's what he was saying. Well, he wasn't saying, but his mom was telling him.

1:02:22 Adam How come you never hear about both of them? Why do they always seem to take one?

1:02:27 Drew Because that's usually the way it works.

1:02:29 Adam Why wouldn't you get cancer in the other one? Why the right there? Same reason one of my nuts hurts and the other one doesn't?

1:02:36 Caller I don't know, that's just what they said. They had to take both of them.

1:02:39 Drew All right, that's fine.

1:02:39 Caller And we didn't, we felt kind of uncomfortable about talking to him about it because we didn't know where he kind of stood on it.

1:02:46 Drew Are they going to help him save some semen or freeze some semen?

1:02:48 Caller Well, we didn't know about any of that, but we were wondering if he was still going to be able to, if he was still going to be able to get an erection.

1:02:56 Drew He will be, I suspect, totally normal.

1:02:58 Adam Probably have a better erection because it's lighter. And if I look at my testes, I have big nuts and a small penis, I think it holds it down. I think it weights it down like a sandbag on a balloon.

1:03:08 Drew They'll be able to replace his testosterone levels. He just won't have any sperm in the semen.

1:03:12 Caller So, all right, it'll just kind of be like getting a vasectomy. You won't be able to...

1:03:16 Drew Exactly, exactly. He'll need some extra supplements because his...

1:03:20 Adam Well, wait a minute.

1:03:20 Drew The testosterone producing cells are no longer there either.

1:03:23 Adam If you have... If you have cancer in the testicles, are you producing sperm?

1:03:31 Drew Yeah.

1:03:31 Adam It's not affecting your sperm output?

1:03:34 Drew It probably is.

1:03:35 Adam Love it. Your sperm output?

1:03:37 Drew It probably is, but not... May not make it to fertility.

1:03:40 Adam Okay, so they would harvest some sperm before they cut... And would they cut a sack off?

1:03:44 Drew No. They just empty the sack. They just empty the sack. Maybe put some sort of prosthesis in.

1:03:49 Adam Fantastic. All right, Josh.

1:03:52 Caller Thank you.

1:03:52 Adam Take care of everybody. Okay, good times, right? Ben?

1:03:57 Caller Hey, Adam.

1:03:58 Caller You're one of my favorite comedians and I was wondering how come I don't see you in more movies?

1:04:03 Adam That's a fine question because Jackass keep cutting me out of them. That's why. I have to ask Kevin Smith when we see him.

1:04:10 Drew It may have something to do with Adam refusing to go to talk to casting directors.

1:04:15 Adam Actitions or anything.

1:04:16 Caller It could be so funny.

1:04:18 Adam Well, let me tell you this, Ben. Thank you very much. I do appreciate that and I'll just put this out there. Nothing I've ever done in my career has ever been handed to me. And it sounds like a pompous statement, but what I mean is, is I figured out a long time ago, whatever it is I want to do, I'll have to do it. If I want to be in a TV show, I'll have to create the TV show. And it's the same with the movie. If I want to be a movie star, I got to make the movie. And we're in the process of doing that. So it'll happen soon enough.

1:04:49 Caller You are? You're making your own movie?

1:04:51 Adam Well, I mean, we're writing a movie and who's doing it? Oh, Ivan Reitman's doing it.

1:04:57 Caller Oh.

1:04:57 Adam Yeah. So it's a big deal. And it'll be good. And me and Jimmy are doing it. And, you know, Jimmy's doing all the work. And we'll do that probably in a few months.

1:05:06 Caller Probably in a few months. It'll come out or you're just...

1:05:08 Adam No, it won't come out. I think we'll hopefully get starting on filming it in a few months.

1:05:13 Caller Oh, all right.

1:05:14 Adam Yeah. So don't worry.

1:05:15 Caller All right.

1:05:15 Adam Thanks, Ben.

1:05:16 Caller Hey, you're welcome.

1:05:17 Adam Do you have a question?

1:05:18 Caller Actually, I don't.

1:05:20 Adam Oh, really? Well, good times there, buddy. You're right, Drew. If I went out on an audition, an audition every once in a while, I would probably pop up in a movie or two, but we'll just work it out for ourselves. Jesse?

1:05:37 It's Kelsey.

1:05:38 Adam Kelsey?

1:05:39 Yes.

1:05:39 Adam You're 24. What's up?

1:05:41 I have a question for Dr. Drew. Can you be allergic to someone's semen?

1:05:49 Drew Yeah.

1:05:51 Adam We do hear it from time to time, but it's always hard to pinpoint whether it's actually that or something else. But we always question them on it.

1:05:58 Drew It causes vaginal irritation sometimes.

1:06:01 No, this is orally. Whenever I swallow, I feel like it acts as like a laxative. And I was wondering if it could be an allergy.

1:06:10 Drew You want to move your bowels after swallowing semen?

1:06:13 Yes.

1:06:14 Drew No, that is not an allergy.

1:06:16 Adam I'll tell you, though, Jesse, I could shoot you a nice musket ball tonight. I think I got a stone in there, Drew.

1:06:24 Drew Wait, wait, wait. Let's not let her go that way.

1:06:25 Adam Hold on. If I got a BJ, I think it would just be like pow! And I'd blow off the back part of the woman's skull. Just like she committed suicide. I think it's musket ball size.

1:06:38 Drew Nice.

1:06:39 Adam It's a musket ball, you know, about the size of a cum laude or something.

1:06:42 Drew You've got two more to drag. Let's get going here.

1:06:43 Adam All right. Do you want to talk to Jesse? My sacks hurt now.

1:06:47 Drew Let's talk about that.

1:06:48 Adam My balls? They're hurting more and they started hurting. The more you talked about the kidney stone, the more they started hurting.

1:06:56 Drew Could be the fluid.

1:06:58 Adam Is that hurting it? Why?

1:06:59 Drew I'm moving it.

1:06:59 Adam Oh, good. Hey, Jesse?

1:07:02 Yes.

1:07:02 Drew Or Kelsey.

1:07:03 Adam I mean, Kelsey, I'm sorry. You say the semen acts as a laxative?

1:07:10 Yes.

1:07:10 Adam That's ridiculous.

1:07:11 Drew No, yeah, it's ridiculous. It could never happen. It's impossible. But there is something called the gastro-colic reflex. When you put things, particularly warm things in your stomach, you can actually cause stimulation of bowel movement. But I would think you'd also notice that when you drank tea or coffee or anything else, you'd be sort of used to that.

1:07:30 Adam God bless you for swallowing those.

1:07:32 This is the first diet that ever happened.

1:07:35 Drew Good times. It's nerve gas. Right, Adam?

1:07:40 Adam But it's great for the guys. It's like, you're a little backed up, baby.

1:07:45 Drew Got just the thing.

1:07:46 Adam Yeah. I got a little frothy laxative right here. Just hold still. Yeah, that's right. You know, it would really get that loose. Just, you know, forget about the round. Go right in through the rear end. Now really loosen that bowel up. That's what I'll do. I'll go for a little sodomy, you know. I'll loosen it up, you know, like, you know, loosen up the wooden spoon. You know, more relaxative, right?

1:08:12 Drew I think the stone is migrating north. It's getting into your brain.

1:08:16 Adam I'm going to see if I can pee the stone out. We'll take a break. We'll be back. Hey, Love Line, I'm Adam, that's true. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191. Let's talk to Matt who's 46.

1:08:34 Drew Matt's going to give me the real name of that book.

1:08:37 Adam Thank you, Matt. What's up?

1:08:39 Caller Hi, gentlemen. It's great to talk to you. You're both fabulous.

1:08:42 Adam Thanks.

1:08:44 Caller The real name of that book is Journey to Ixtlan. It's the third one by Carlos Castelleda.

1:08:48 Drew That's the one.

1:08:49 Caller And it's the first one in the series that doesn't talk about drugs. The first two go on at some length about Gattura, Jimson Weed, and Peyote.

1:08:59 Adam Yeah. Good. Did you read those books?

1:09:01 Caller Yes, I read them.

1:09:03 Adam Yeah.

1:09:03 Drew Were they in the 70s, Soc?

1:09:06 Caller Yeah.

1:09:07 Caller They did. It was the beginning of the worldwide competition that's given us what we've got now.

1:09:12 Adam Well, how? Wait a minute. This man could be blaming the man for everything. But, Matt, how bad was the architecture and the cars?

1:09:22 Caller Oh my God.

1:09:24 Adam I mean, everybody, picture 1974. Picture what an American car looked like in 1974. Forget about an American car, any car.

1:09:36 Drew Ford Granada, a piece of crap.

1:09:37 Caller If you were to look at it again, a 1969 Chevy looked pretty terrible by 1974.

1:09:43 Drew Yeah, but that was the best thing going. The new cars they were putting out were the ones that really stunk.

1:09:47 Caller That was the beginning of those little cars, those little ugly Japanese cars that somehow ran really well.

1:09:55 Adam Picture, and everybody, picture architecture. A nice flat roof with some rocks on it, some streamlined molding, an aluminum window, some burnt orange carpeting, long, yarny, shaggy, funky, smelly carpeting. Nice, a lot of use of the color avocado in the kitchen. Nice avocado burner, cooker, nice avocado refrigerator, some funky, everything was about imitation too. The floor on the kitchen could have been that fake brick, linoleum on the floor.

1:10:31 Drew It had to have a brick in the kitchen somewhere. Some wall, some wall.

1:10:34 Adam Somewhere in the kitchen had some fake brick, could have been the pattern on the floor, could have been the actual raised fake brick that they put on the wall, the Z brick that they used to give away on game shows. The windows, and you guys remember this, the popular stained glass film they would put on, like windows too, like the funky fake looking stained glass with the fake brick and it's like fake, even the wood paneling was supposed to look like wood, but it was, you know, a luon and it was an eighth of an inch thick. Everything was like fake and funky and bad.

1:11:11 Drew It didn't work.

1:11:12 Adam And nothing worked well either. And the whole thing was is, you know, convenience and all this kind of stuff. But I had a toaster in my house that not my house because the Corollas didn't fall, like I said, we didn't fall in for all the 70s crap. We're living in the 40s. And now my mom is up to, well, she's in the 40s still, but she's in the later 40s, 47, 48. She's entering into the 40, 49, I think. But there's a toaster in the house I bought two years ago that was remodeled in the 70s. Toaster built into the wall. So you pull the toaster out. Remember all that weird built in stuff like, hey, instead of having a blender, we'll have a little blender jack on the countertop, and you'll just set your blender into it. Oh, that's a time saver, because we all know, we use our blender like four or five times a day, because we all got locked you up. But in my house that I bought in Sherman Oaks, you'd pull this toaster out. First off, the action was horrible. You had to yank on it and pull on it, and it comes out. And then when it comes out, it was about two inches below the cabinet bottom, so the toast couldn't come out. The bread could go in because you could flex it, but to get the toast out, you'd have to break it in the middle and fold it out.

1:12:27 Drew And it would burn the...

1:12:29 Adam Right.

1:12:29 Drew Horrible.

1:12:30 Adam And let me give you guys the essence of the 70s in a nutshell in terms of space-age crap that didn't work.

1:12:36 Drew But that was their thing.

1:12:37 Adam It's like modern.

1:12:38 Drew Everything's space-age modern.

1:12:41 Adam Sliding holocore doors, those sliding doors. Hey, why do it the old-fashioned way with the hinge and the knob? You can have the Star Trek-type sliding door. But they never shut right. They never latch right. They get stuck in the pocket. You'd have to start yanking on it. Everything was junk. Every piece of wood was hollow. Every car had a huge gas guzzling V8 into it that got about 130 horsepower tops. I mean, imagine a big, like, 6-liter gas guzzling V8 that put out 125 horsepower.

1:13:16 Drew And the cars had fake crap on it, too.

1:13:18 Adam Fake wood stickers on the side of the car.

1:13:21 Caller What about those vinyl roofs?

1:13:24 Adam The land out top, the town out top. Yeah, so the upholstery on the outside of the car that the sun would hit and it would explode.

1:13:33 Drew It would take about three weeks.

1:13:35 Adam Yeah, it's so funny. Yeah, like, go watch an old episode of Canon. Watch them drive around that LTD with the opera windows and the padding on the roof. It's like, look, here's what I was thinking about that. You guys cannot figure out a way to get the dashboard from exploding, you know, inside of 18 months and that's inside of the car. You really think you should be upholstering the roof of the car? How long you fear that's going to be good for?

1:14:03 Drew That is true.

1:14:04 Adam That was called the, there was the Landow top and the Townow, I think it was called. The Broom. The Broom. Javier, you're 14, you're born in 1987. No, Javier don't have his phone, he don't have his radio turned down.

1:14:23 Drew Javier.

1:14:23 Adam All right. He's got to turn his radio down, you little tard. Rob?

1:14:28 Drew Yes.

1:14:29 Adam You're 28?

1:14:30 Caller Yeah.

1:14:30 Adam What's up?

1:14:31 Caller I got a question. I just started taking Prozac about two months ago.

1:14:35 Adam What kind of project?

1:14:36 Caller Prozac.

1:14:37 Drew Taking Prozac.

1:14:37 Adam Prozac, okay.

1:14:38 Caller Right. So now I was thinking about doing the drug X, I'm curious how that, how Prozac affects X. I've heard some different things.

1:14:47 Drew Well, why are you taking Prozac?

1:14:49 Caller I suffered a history of chemical imbalance in my family, so it's depression. And I've been suffering for a couple of years, and I didn't want to take anything, and finally I did, and it works. It feels pretty good.

1:15:01 Drew You feel a lot better. Yeah. You have a history of doing drugs? No. No drugs before?

1:15:06 Caller Well, marijuana and some booze, but nothing really.

1:15:09 Drew Are you a daily pot smoker?

1:15:10 Caller No.

1:15:11 Drew Not a regular pot smoker?

1:15:12 Caller No. No, I didn't start to smoke a pot until I was in college.

1:15:16 Adam What do you want to do with...

1:15:17 Drew You've been out of college for eight years.

1:15:19 Caller Well, yeah, I know, but...

1:15:19 Drew Are you a regular pot smoker?

1:15:21 Caller No.

1:15:21 Drew Okay.

1:15:22 Adam Why do you want to check out the XE? You've never tried it?

1:15:25 Caller No, I have done it. I've done X about four times in my life, and I'm doing it with a girl, so that is just kind of that.

1:15:31 Adam Yeah, it'll be fine, right?

1:15:33 Drew Well, there's two things. One is it depletes the chemicals that you're trying to support with the Prozac, and so it makes your depressions worse. And there's something called a serotonin excess syndrome, where if you, through the use of a stimulant plus Prozac, you can actually induce a state in the brain that can kill you. Now, it's not likely to happen, but there's a theoretic possibility of that happening.

1:15:56 Adam Would you say, if you were going to advise someone who's going to take ecstasy on Prozac, would you say, don't take the Prozac that day?

1:16:04 Drew No, Prozac stays in the system a week.

1:16:06 Adam Would you say, don't take it for the week before?

1:16:08 Drew No, you can't do that.

1:16:09 Adam Would you make a difference?

1:16:10 Drew I mean, the depressions are a potential life-threatening problem by itself.

1:16:13 Adam Well, he's not going to kill himself. He's got some punting at the end of the week that's going to get high, and he's going to try to get his penis to work. I bet you end up just rubbing on her for like four days. You think you're going to have sex with her, Rob?

1:16:27 Caller I don't know. I just wanted to... I just had fun with it, and she's a cool girl.

1:16:32 Adam All right. And she's good to go?

1:16:34 Caller I hope so. I don't know.

1:16:36 Adam I mean, did you ask her if you guys were going to do the...

1:16:38 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:16:38 Adam Yeah, yeah.

1:16:39 Caller She's... Yeah, we just kind of planned things.

1:16:40 Adam Oh, that's good times. Good times. All right. Listen, I'm telling you, you can't go wrong with booze in terms of getting laid. You kids are turning into pharmacists out there. Well, not Rob, but you know what I mean? No. Look, here's what I'm saying. You could give her the Prozac, and you guys could trip the light fantastic. I mean, it might be a great night. On the other hand, she could vomit and then start crying and tell you about every guy she's ever slept with, not including you, because you ain't getting laid, or start telling you about how her dad used to come into her room and touch her. I mean, it can go south in a hurry, it can get weird, it can be great. Any time, by the way, there's the opportunity for greatness, there's always the opportunity for colossal failure.

1:17:28 Drew Is this true of all things in life?

1:17:31 Adam It's everything.

1:17:31 Drew Everything in life, okay. Just to make sure we weren't just talking about your foreplay.

1:17:34 Adam No, you know those model airplanes I fly? You can fly the little trainers, they look like little Cessnas. You can fly that all you want, you'll never crash it. It's almost impossible. But it's no fun. It's boring. Or you can fly the jet and you can crash. It's that way with everything, right?

1:17:53 Drew You can soar to great heights but at great risk.

1:17:56 Adam That's right.

1:17:56 Drew I see. So you're basically encouraging people to do drugs.

1:17:59 Adam I don't know.

1:18:00 Drew That's nice.

1:18:01 Adam Not me.

1:18:01 Drew Or if it's not that, I guess it was juice up your girlfriends and rape them. Wasn't that sort of the message here?

1:18:07 Adam Rape's a strong word, but okay. Mai?

1:18:11 Caller Hi.

1:18:12 Adam Hey, you're 17.

1:18:13 Caller Yes.

1:18:14 Adam What's up?

1:18:16 Caller Okay. I was wondering because my boyfriend and I have been together for seven months now and we've been sexually active, well, having sex for about a month and a half.

1:18:26 Drew What's the difference between sexually active and having sex?

1:18:28 Caller Well, sexually active, like we did other things, like oral sex.

1:18:34 Drew I see. So you would have put that in sexually active.

1:18:35 Caller Right. Yeah.

1:18:36 Caller Cool.

1:18:38 Caller But he's never come.

1:18:40 Drew How long have you been having sex for?

1:18:43 Caller About a month and a half.

1:18:45 Adam He's never, even when you were giving him oral sex.

1:18:49 Caller No.

1:18:50 Drew Does he have any medication?

1:18:51 Caller No.

1:18:51 Drew Does he have any medical problems?

1:18:53 Caller No.

1:18:53 Adam How does he know when to stop?

1:18:55 Caller It's just because I can't take any more.

1:18:59 Adam And does he ever finish himself off?

1:19:02 Caller He's too embarrassed to do in front of me.

1:19:04 Adam I see. Does he masturbate?

1:19:07 Caller He quit about a month and a half ago because I asked him to because we were having problems with it. And it still hasn't happened so...

1:19:15 Adam Right. And I know you're doing the semen math, but Drew, you'll back me up on this one. How old is the guy?

1:19:25 Caller He's 17.

1:19:25 Adam A 17 year old guy should be able to beat one out on the way over to his girlfriend's house and still squeeze one out on the porch with her.

1:19:33 Drew However, she made the right move, which is maybe he was doing it six or eight times before he got there and wasn't really talking about it.

1:19:40 Adam No, no, she did. Like I said, her math is right, but her logic is not going to work.

1:19:45 Drew I understand.

1:19:46 Adam Because if this guy, my logic would be, look, if things ain't functioning when he's with her, he needs to sort of master himself. Yes. I mean, he's got to work himself out a little bit.

1:19:56 Drew That's him.

1:19:57 Adam And he shouldn't stop. He should sort of figure it out a little better.

1:20:02 Drew Yes, I agree.

1:20:02 Adam How often was he masturbating before you made him stop?

1:20:07 Drew Daily. I think he maybe doing a few times a day.

1:20:09 Adam And by the way, you're telling him to stop and him stopping. Right. That's right. Two completely different things.

1:20:13 Caller I actually asked him to slow down and he's like, well, stop. I was like, if that's what you want to do.

1:20:19 Adam Okay. So he has no trouble when he's not with you beating one out, right?

1:20:24 Caller He can do it two minutes flat.

1:20:26 Drew Right.

1:20:27 Adam Yeah, flat on his back.

1:20:28 Drew This is the Corolla syndrome.

1:20:29 Adam Thank you. Now, what you need to do is, here's the problem. His penis is nervous around you and he waxes off so much. Is he a dry man or a lube man? Dry. He's a dry man with the masturbation.

1:20:45 Drew This is because it's not the real thing.

1:20:47 Adam It's a different sensation. He's got, okay, okay, everyone listen to me. Here's the thing. When you, if you're a dry man and you beat off, you essentially grab the skin and you hang on to the skin and you move the skin over the penis. You don't slide your whole hand up and down the penis. Let's just, for the sake of argument, let's call it the Tootsie Roll and the wrapper.

1:21:17 Drew Are you taking notes here, Ann? Go ahead.

1:21:20 Adam No, she's not listening to this show.

1:21:22 Drew She's let you enjoy the hand movements that he's getting into here.

1:21:26 Adam Here's the danger of guys with the dry lube, dry masturbation.

1:21:31 Drew They get too used to it.

1:21:32 Adam They grab onto the skin and you're moving the skin up and down on the penis. You're not sliding the hand on the skin. You're grabbing the skin and moving the skin. Then you get with a woman and there's all kinds of lubrication, and now the skin ain't moving. The vagina's moving on the skin. Do you see what I'm saying? There's a difference there. And if you get used to that sensation alone, especially when you're a guy and you're beaten off for five years before you're with a woman, this guy's logged thousands and thousands of jack sessions. Then he meets a woman, it's a totally different sensation. They're just going to have to work it out. It will work out. He could stretch a line of a rope of semen from here to Nova Scotia. Nice. Thank you.

1:22:22 Drew It's quite an image.

1:22:23 Adam That's right.

1:22:24 Drew Go to break, okay?

1:22:25 Adam Yeah. We'll go to break. But let me say this.

1:22:27 Drew Oh, please.

1:22:28 Adam I don't hear enough of that if you put them end to end, they would go to New York from New York, California stuff. They used to do like every 20 minutes, you'd be watching a show. They say that in a man's life, he can eat enough pasta that put end to end, it will stretch from here to, or there's enough concrete in Hoover Dam to build a two-lane highway from here to, I'm not hearing enough of that. I'm worried that kids aren't getting enough of it either. None of that just bizarre and aim, here's the highway we could build, or if we put end to end, or if we took the materials from and stretch them to the moon, or to, it's always either to the moon or New York, and I guess we live in New York, it's to LA or the moon. Yeah. I don't know if they have their own planet. Not hearing enough of that. Like someone to work that back into the lexicon.

1:23:14 Drew Soufflés and end to end, these are the things.

1:23:16 Adam We'll be back.

1:23:17 Drew Yes.

1:23:20 Loveline, we'll be right back. Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:23:23 Adam Loveline, everybody. My man, that's a good partner over there, Dr. Drew. It's, hop back to the phones and speak to Kimmy. He's 23. Kimmy.

1:23:34 Drew And by the way, thanks, Kimmy. I had not heard of the Crocodile Hunter 18 months ago.

1:23:39 Adam Oh, we were talking about the Crocodile Hunter on Animal Planet. Drew's kids are crazy for him. And I was saying how kids are going to all grow up and be able to have that phony Australian accent.

1:23:51 Drew Gorgeous.

1:23:52 Adam Go ahead, Kimmy.

1:23:53 Caller Hi. I was calling to ask Dr. Drew's opinions and views on people who are polyamorous.

1:24:01 Drew Be a little more specific about your situation.

1:24:03 Caller What's going on? Oh, I'm sorry. People that can fall in love.

1:24:06 Drew No, no, no. What's up with you?

1:24:08 Caller Oh, me? Oh, I'm married. And I have girlfriends.

1:24:15 Drew So are you a lesbian?

1:24:18 Caller No, I'm bisexual.

1:24:19 Drew You're bisexual. And does your husband know about these girlfriends?

1:24:22 Caller Oh, yes, of course. We're completely open with each other.

1:24:25 Drew Does he have boyfriends or girlfriends?

1:24:28 Caller No, no. He's not really interested in that.

1:24:30 Adam Well, now hold on a second. Can you be polyamorous alone or just a relationship? I mean, what is that? Is that like swinging or are you bisexual?

1:24:40 Drew She said bisexual.

1:24:41 Adam I know. But what is the definition of polyamorous? I mean, more people who can fall in love with more than one person at the same time. All right. Who can't do that? You can't do that? Everyone. Anyone can do that. It's easy.

1:24:55 Drew If you open yourself up to that. The problem is that the way intimacy is, you really detract from the primary intimacy if you include other people into it.

1:25:06 Adam Well, you got to look at this way. You only got so much to go around. So if you end up splitting it.

1:25:10 Drew That's basically right.

1:25:12 Caller No, we have my relationships with my girlfriends who are usually my submissive because...

1:25:18 Adam Uh-oh. There's the key word. Someone just rang a cowbell. Imagine a cowbell just for when you're my submissive. Uh-oh. You don't have any kids, Polly Holly, do you?

1:25:31 Drew No.

1:25:32 Caller Until I get out of my... Until we get out of our wild ways, there's no reason to bring children into it.

1:25:37 Adam There you go.

1:25:38 Drew Excellent. I suspect your husband's up to something more than you think. Either that or he may be an addict. Is he... Do drugs or alcohol or anything?

1:25:47 Caller Oh, no. No, he drinks socially, but no. We're very straight people as far as... Pardon the pun. As far as drinking and drugs, we don't do that anymore. We had our fun back when we were young, but, you know...

1:26:01 Drew What does that mean?

1:26:02 Caller Well, when we were younger, because we met in summer school, and when we were younger, we used to drink and do drugs, scaller and stuff, but then we both kind of grew out of it.

1:26:14 Drew What drugs?

1:26:16 Caller Oh, gosh. He only did pot. I tried just about everything.

1:26:20 Drew Do you do heroin?

1:26:21 Caller Oh, no.

1:26:22 Caller No. That was a big no-no.

1:26:23 Adam My balls are polypainimous right now. Is it Kimmy?

1:26:29 Caller Yes.

1:26:30 Adam Yeah. Anything ever happen to you growing up?

1:26:34 Drew Yes, of course.

1:26:35 Caller Anything as far as like sexually molested?

1:26:38 Drew Just trauma. Just trauma.

1:26:41 Caller Well, I was raped when I was 15.

1:26:45 Adam Before that. Yeah, before that.

1:26:47 Caller Before that? No. The only thing I can think of that would even have any bearing on this is that I started to be sexually active when I was in the 2nd grade.

1:26:59 Drew Who did that to you?

1:27:01 Caller Me and my best friend.

1:27:02 Drew Had she been sexually abused?

1:27:04 Caller I honestly don't know.

1:27:06 Drew I would bet money on it. Child on child sexual abuse is a very common kind of sexual abuse.

1:27:12 Adam All right. Well, look, here's the deal, Kimmy. I have your kicks. Fine. Little therapy wouldn't hurt.

1:27:19 Drew This is a lot of therapy.

1:27:20 Adam Lot of therapy wouldn't hurt.

1:27:22 Drew I suspect also somebody must have sort of hyper stimulated you growing up. Somebody hit you or something.

1:27:27 Caller Well, my father was very verbally abusive to us.

1:27:31 Drew Okay.

1:27:31 Caller But my mother was too much of... She was too protective of us to let him ever physically hurt us.

1:27:40 Drew Did anybody ever...

1:27:41 Adam Well, look, what about just growing up scared of a man who you know is your dad? Do you know what I mean?

1:27:47 Drew Yeah. Yeah, but the submissive stuff. You know, somebody got through.

1:27:50 Adam Listen, Kimmy, you go out and get yourself a super tanker full of therapy and then work out a few things and have your kicks and then you have your kids after that, right?

1:28:03 Caller Yes.

1:28:03 Adam All right. Good times, baby.

1:28:04 Caller All right. Thanks.

1:28:05 Adam But listen, there's nothing wrong with a little acting out, but you got to work it out too. You can do both. Work it out? Yeah.

1:28:14 Drew Yeah. Acting out doesn't get you anywhere.

1:28:16 Adam You got energy. Yeah. You're going to be Polly whatever into your fifties.

1:28:20 Drew Yeah. Acting out is just an expression of what's going wrong inside doesn't change or grow what's going inside. And a husband I think you're going to find as an addict as you get. He's up to something you don't know about. Just believe me.

1:28:32 Adam Monique. Monique, you're 32.

1:28:35 Caller I'm 32.

1:28:36 Adam What's up?

1:28:37 Caller Well, actually, I have two questions. First of all, Adam, when you start to make your movie, I want a crew. I'm a film major and I'd love to crew on your crew on your movie.

1:28:48 Adam I didn't know what crew was.

1:28:50 Caller Well, you know, anything. I'll carry out the trash. I don't care.

1:28:53 Adam Sure. All right. You can start by getting me a cup of goddamn coffee.

1:28:57 Caller A cup of coffee would be excellent.

1:28:58 Adam There you go. Thank you.

1:29:00 Caller So my real question is, though, I had my tubes tied and I wondered, I kind of lost my sexual drive briefly, but then I went away for two weeks and when I came back, it just kind of came back. But I didn't know if this was temporary because I'd been gone for two weeks or if this is really affecting my libido.

1:29:21 Drew Where did you go for two weeks?

1:29:23 Caller I went to the CSU Summer Arts Program.

1:29:25 Adam Mm-hmm. All right.

1:29:28 Drew And did they give you any medications before or after this?

1:29:31 Caller No, no medications. I don't even take aspirin.

1:29:34 Drew You weren't on the pill or anything before you?

1:29:35 Caller No. I had two children completely without any, no, no.

1:29:43 Adam Anesthetic?

1:29:44 Caller Nothing.

1:29:45 Adam Okay.

1:29:46 Drew They didn't give you an anesthetic for the procedure?

1:29:48 Caller Oh, absolutely. Well, yeah.

1:29:50 Adam All right. Listen, Earth Mom, Monique's a nice woman. I just want to get to the next call. That'll happen from time to time. Look, I'm sure she's fine. I'm sure after having a procedure that involves your reproduction and your vagina and all that good stuff, as a woman especially, it's going to affect your sex drive.

1:30:14 Drew It usually doesn't, but I suppose it could.

1:30:15 Adam But the point is, you're back now. Don't worry about it dropping off again. Javier?

1:30:20 Caller Yeah, hello?

1:30:21 Adam You're 14.

1:30:22 Caller Yeah.

1:30:23 Adam Oh, well, didn't we talk to Javier?

1:30:24 Drew No, we couldn't get to him.

1:30:25 Adam Oh, yeah. What's up, Javier? Real fast.

1:30:28 Caller Yeah, what's up? Hey, I don't know whether to tell my girlfriend I love her or not.

1:30:31 Adam You don't know whether to or how to?

1:30:33 Caller Whether to.

1:30:34 Adam Do you love her?

1:30:36 Caller I don't know if I'm in love with the whole idea of being in love or love her.

1:30:39 Drew He's like, hey, Adam, he's in love with the idea of love.

1:30:41 Adam Like, he's just making that up.

1:30:43 Caller I feel like being with her, you know?

1:30:45 Adam You do like being with her? I do.

1:30:47 Drew But he can't tell if it's her or just his feeling.

1:30:49 Caller I don't want to scare her.

1:30:51 Adam Well, how long have you been with her?

1:30:52 Caller About a year, four months.

1:30:54 Drew You can tell her.

1:30:55 Adam Oh, yeah. Tell your lover, she's waiting.

1:30:58 Drew All right.

1:30:59 Adam Tell your lover it'll be good for her, it'll make her feel good about herself. It might get you laid too. All right. Don't get anyone pregnant, Javier.

1:31:07 Caller I'll try not to.

1:31:08 Adam You realize if your name is Javier, you have an 80% higher likelihood of getting someone pregnant before your 18th birthday.

1:31:15 Drew That's nice.

1:31:16 Adam I just read a study on that, all right? Especially coming from the North Hills. Uh-huh. Oh, boy.

1:31:23 Drew Guys like you, Adam, too, they're in love with the idea of being in love.

1:31:26 Adam Steep Valley, baby.

1:31:28 Caller All right. All right.

1:31:29 Adam No man's land out there. Move out of that North Hills as soon as you can.

1:31:32 Caller All right. Thanks a lot.

1:31:33 Adam All right, Javier. Take care. Tell her you love her and joy. Look, tell everyone you love them. Oh, oh. Ball sacks hurting. Really?

1:31:43 Drew That's what all the impatience about.

1:31:45 Adam What kind of pain can I get on? You got any painkillers in the car?

1:31:49 Drew Drink this one maybe.

1:31:50 Adam Should you keep something in the car?

1:31:52 Drew Not with you around.

1:31:52 Adam As a woodworker, I keep a tape measure in my car. I really do.

1:31:56 Drew Yeah, but if you drove your friend's house every night who had tremendous needs in their house, you need to empty that car.

1:32:02 Adam We'll be back. Well, there you have it. Another Fantavers episode of Loveline In the Ground.

1:32:13 Drew And this is about as close to a history lesson as we're going to give on this show, wouldn't you say?

1:32:16 Adam Yes. I'm on my fourth bottle of water and I'm going to pee out my right nut in a second. Is that possible? It's floating in my sack.

1:32:24 Drew Good. That's what I wanted. All right.

1:32:25 Adam We'll take ourselves a little extended 22-hour break. Afro Man will be in here tomorrow night. And until next time, this is Adam Crowe for Dr. Drew saying Mahalo.

1:32:37 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Sunday, August 12, 2001