Episode 1000754886991

1:02 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:13 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew. Board-certified internist and addiction medicine specialist. And yeah.

1:26 Drew Yeah.

1:27 Adam Drew, give me my pen back.

1:28 What you there?

1:30 Adam All right. Big news tonight. Oh, Drew punches the mic 22 seconds into the show.

1:37 Drew That's how long before the top of the hour?

1:39 Adam Maybe a new record for you, Drew.

1:41 Drew 59 minutes in the...

1:43 Adam My big nail fell off my big toe today.

1:46 Yeah.

1:46 Adam That's nice. I sniff that baby. I sniff that baby like I was doing coke. You know what I'm talking about? No. That big nail smell. Nothing more intoxicating than your own big nail smell. I know that that is cheese you get where the nail hits the side of your toe, that cuticle.

2:06 Drew Yes.

2:06 Adam You cut your nails and about every fourth time you take that little doodad that's hooked onto the nail clippers, got a little hook on it and you hook it in there and you pull out a ball of it really smells like blue cheese. You're sickening me. Oh my god.

2:20 Drew I'm happy for you.

2:21 Adam I had this nail that couldn't have been made in a Hollywood studio. It was black and it was crusty and it was like mildewy and I just gave it a huge whiff. I couldn't help myself.

2:32 Drew Good times.

2:33 Adam You know though what I liked about walking around with the black nail for the last five weeks.

2:38 Drew What's that?

2:39 Adam Everyone telling me how it was going to come off and how painful it was. People are great that way. They look down, they see your foot and they go, Oh, what happened? I jammed it playing basketball. That's coming off. No ass, Sherlock. The thing's purple black. It's like John Amos black.

2:57 Drew So what? Either way.

2:59 Adam What are you going to do about it? I like that too. What is that human instinct? Oh, that's coming off. That's the first thing. Then number two is, yeah, it's going to be painful. Thanks, dick.

3:11 Drew Well, is this the big news?

3:12 Adam Oh yeah, the nail coming off.

3:14 Drew Or is this the big news?

3:15 Adam I got pictures of Adrienne Barbeau's breasts that somebody sent in. Drew, get away from that.

3:20 Drew But look, she was a pretty woman. Of course. I don't mean just the nude part.

3:25 Adam She's a very attractive lady from the 70s. Probably dead now. So anyway, what I say. Oh, yeah, nail came off. Big news. Big news. And here's the key, everybody. If you got a nail that you think is going to come off, don't pull it off. That nail is like a piece of fruit. Don't yank on it. Wait till it's ready to go.

3:45 Drew Don't pop the zit before it's ready?

3:46 Adam Right.

3:47 Drew Oh, I see.

3:48 Adam You do what I did. You just take some of that white athletic tape and just tape it up.

3:52 Drew Yeah.

3:53 Adam And just hold it on. Thing could have popped off a week ago. I wouldn't have known it. The tape was holding it on. Pull the tape off, thing comes flying off. How dare you, Anderson? I'm trying to help the kids.

4:03 Drew Jessie.

4:04 Yeah.

4:05 Drew 22. What's going on?

4:08 Well, I have a kind of a sexual question. I'm 22 and I have one baby. And my boyfriend and I sometimes, well, we like to have sex all the time, but sometimes when we're having sex, I have kind of a sound come out of me, to put it politely, I guess. And it's kind of a mood killer, if you know what I mean.

4:33 Adam The what? The sound of your kid yelling mom?

4:37 No, actually coming out of my vagina.

4:41 Adam Oh, the queef.

4:42 Drew You know, they have their kids' toys now designed just to make that noise. Have you seen those things? Those little goop things you push into a rug.

4:48 The boyfriend has a fart machine.

4:50 Adam Oh, he does?

4:51 Drew Oh, he's all class act, this guy.

4:53 Adam I was actually cleaning out my garage today and found my fart machine.

4:57 Did you find one?

4:58 Adam Yeah. This is a question we haven't had for a little while, Drew, because I think, you know why? Not because it's not happening, but because people have sort of figured the answer out.

5:08 Drew Or they don't care.

5:09 Adam Which is there's no real answer.

5:10 Drew It's like change positions.

5:11 Adam Right.

5:12 Drew Yeah, that's about it.

5:13 Adam All right.

5:14 Drew There's nothing to prove that. Is it bothering him?

5:18 Well, not really. I mean, not anymore than it bothers me, but-

5:21 Drew Why does it bother you?

5:23 It's kind of embarrassing.

5:25 Adam Why don't you turn some music up?

5:29 Drew Does he start laughing or something?

5:31 What's that?

5:31 Drew Does he laugh or does he crack up or does that would bother you?

5:34 Well, both of us do actually.

5:36 Drew What's wrong with that?

5:37 Nothing.

5:38 Adam Well, no, but you got your game face on, you don't want to be laughing. Drew makes contact with the mic this time with his coffee mug.

5:45 Drew Yeah, it's good.

5:45 Adam Interesting. Well, a twist, just when you think you know him, he throws a curve at you by bashing it with his coffee mug. Hey, Jesse, look, adjust your positions and turn the music up and that's about it.

5:58 Drew Talk a little bit about it. It doesn't sound like he's not bothered by you. He's not bothered by you.

6:02 Adam No.

6:02 Drew I think he cares.

6:04 Adam No, listen, the only thing a guy likes more than banging his girlfriend is a fart sound. This is like that Reese's Peanut Butter Cup commercial. It's like the only thing better than chocolate is peanut butter. Let's put them together. I'm thinking about just making a tape of that queef sound when I'm having sex. Sure.

6:24 Drew It's your most favorite activities or experiences together at once.

6:27 Adam Yeah. It actually would be good to play while you're master banning.

6:30 Drew How would that commercial go? You got it.

6:34 Adam Drew, just focus on punching the mic. I'll do the comedy.

6:38 Drew Okay.

6:39 Adam Daniel.

6:41 Drew Daniel?

6:42 Yeah.

6:42 Adam You're 16? What's that?

6:45 Caller Okay. Well, a while ago, I was going down on my girlfriend and she started on a period.

6:51 Adam Yeah.

6:52 Caller It wasn't cute at all. Ever since then, I don't do that anymore and that really bothers her.

7:01 Drew What do you mean she started her period? What happened?

7:04 Caller Well, I had a funny taste in my mouth. Different from her. Different from her.

7:12 Adam All right. We don't even believe you.

7:15 Drew Not for a second.

7:18 Adam Here's the deal, Daniel. Maybe it's bogus, maybe it's not. Either way, I don't have any difficulty calling you an a-hole. I really don't. Drew, please put that pager on vibrate. It's going off every night now. Daniel, get over it. All right? All right.

7:32 Drew It was bogus.

7:34 Adam It was. You know what I think we do too much of as a society? We give credence to people who are freaked out over nothing. What happens is like, I was going down to my girlfriend in a car backfired, and I thought it was a gunshot, and now I'm really freaked out. I don't want to go down on her. And everyone's like, oh, well, maybe, maybe shut the F up and get the hell back there, you big puss. Go down to your girlfriend, okay, she's on her, period. All right, don't go down that time of the month and get the hell back there.

8:05 Drew We need our boot camp instructors.

8:07 Adam Absolutely. I think we make these people seem like they have a problem when we go, oh, really?

8:13 Caller You got another question, Wendell? Hurry up!

8:16 Hurry up! Get it out of my face right now! Push! Push!

8:20 Push, you nasty thing!

8:21 We want to puke!

8:23 Adam That, by the way, wasn't even during the show. I was in the bathroom and they were waiting to use the head. Remember that?

8:29 Drew Yeah, they're just, you know.

8:29 Adam I was trying to go number two and they'd waited long enough.

8:33 Drew I said push.

8:34 Adam Katie?

8:36 Hi.

8:36 Adam Hey, you're 22. What's up?

8:38 Caller Yes. My boyfriend cannot get an erection. He had encephalitis when he was like 16 years old.

8:46 Drew Wow.

8:47 Caller And so he was catheterized like a month or so. And so he cannot get one at all.

8:52 Drew It's probably not from the catheterization, it's from the encephalitis I bet.

8:55 Adam What's that encephalitis, Drew?

8:57 Drew Infection of the brain tissue itself. Very serious.

8:59 Adam Bad times.

9:00 Caller Yeah, like he is in a wheelchair for a while and stuff like lost time.

9:04 Drew Lucky to have survived it.

9:05 Caller Yeah, very lucky.

9:07 Drew Is he on medication still?

9:09 Caller No, he's not anymore. He's fine. Well, except for that. But I was wondering, is there any way that like, I have talked to him about it before, about like maybe going to doctor to see if there's...

9:19 Drew Absolutely. How old is he?

9:21 Caller He's 22.

9:22 Drew This is a medical cause for impotence. This is something that has medical solutions. Even something like Viagra might be an option for him. He absolutely should talk to urologist about it. Absolutely. And there may be things that they can do to help correct it, not just give symptom relief, but actually correct the problem.

9:37 Adam Does he ever get an erection like in the mornings?

9:40 Caller No. Like sometimes it is a little bit, but it's never enough to do anything.

9:46 Drew Everything else is normal about him now?

9:48 Caller Yeah. As far as I can tell.

9:49 Adam Does he masturbate?

9:51 Caller No. I don't think so. I mean, he had sex like before he got sick. He was like 16 when he got it, and he had sex before then, but since then he hasn't. Wow.

10:00 Adam He hasn't been able to have intercourse. But even if he can't achieve a full erection, he still could have an orgasm like if he was masturbating. I've had a few of those when I'm going for the hat trick and I'm really loaded. You know, you can't get the full erection, penis wopping all over the place. It's really sad. Really sad.

10:19 Caller I mean, I've tried doing stuff before but.

10:22 Adam I know. Listen, he's got to go to a doctor, a urologist to fix stuff.

10:26 Drew Well, you know what? Maybe he ought to start with his neurologist, frankly. Because there can be damage to the brain that can still be reflected in his endocrine function. And there can be mechanical urologic problems. But he needs a medical evaluation for this. There are things that can be corrected, potentially.

10:43 Adam So you're saying you don't think he's had an orgasm in six years?

10:46 Caller I don't think so.

10:48 Adam I bet he can beat off.

10:49 Drew No, I bet he's all shut down. Like something's going on.

10:53 Adam No drive, no production?

10:54 Drew Like something's going on, yeah.

10:56 Caller Like, is it pretty serious? Like, he needs to go right away?

10:59 Drew No, it's not an emergency. But he definitely should attend to this. Let's say he's, for some reason, shut down all his testosterone production. That can cause softening of the bones. There can be problems with that.

11:07 Adam Get it? Softening of the bones?

11:09 Caller Got it.

11:10 Adam Does he go down on you?

11:12 Caller Yeah, he takes care of me fine.

11:13 Adam Okay. You're a good woman.

11:16 Caller Thanks. I mean, I've tried.

11:18 Adam How long have you been with him?

11:20 Caller Ten months.

11:20 Adam Is he slow in any other departments?

11:22 Caller No, he's very smart. Just graduated college and everything.

11:25 Adam All right.

11:26 Good times.

11:27 Drew But he's not attended to this in six years?

11:30 Adam How smart can he be? He's had a limp penis for six years. He hasn't gone to the doctor about it?

11:34 Caller Well, it's embarrassing.

11:36 Drew That's a serious thing.

11:39 Adam You ask him if he successfully masturbated in the last six years. I'd be very curious to hear that answer.

11:45 Caller I have. He said he hasn't.

11:47 Adam Oh, you did ask him?

11:48 Caller Yeah. We're pretty open. My brother is a doctor and I've asked him if he wants to talk to my brother about it.

11:55 Drew That would be embarrassing.

11:56 Adam Yeah. Tell him to go to a regular doctor.

11:57 Drew That's not a great idea, Katie.

11:59 Oh, man.

12:01 Adam How's that conversation be like? I've been meaning to bang the bejesus out of your kid's sister for about the last 10 months, but so far, it's nothing but handies, DJs. She's tried everything. Yeah, she's tried everything. She worked hard at it. I mean, she put a vibrator up my ass. I mean, God bless her. She done it all. Done it all. Nipple clamps. Done it all.

12:23 Drew I still go down on her.

12:24 Adam Oh, hey, hey. Don't get me wrong. She has the big O. She's a squirter. I don't have to tell you that. Anyway, trying to get the old dork going again. So what do you say? And I mean, I'm telling you, almost no sensation. She blew me for a whole episode of Sopranos once. Nothing. Nothing. Not a drop. I mean, she basically had to just have her lie down and whack off on her. I mean, that's all I can do with her.

12:58 Oh my god.

13:04 Adam Jack? Hello? You're 14.

13:07 Caller Yeah, actually, it's my boyfriend, and he had to go to the bathroom.

13:12 Drew I was gonna say, if this is Jack.

13:14 Caller No, I'm his girlfriend.

13:15 Adam All right.

13:16 Okay, but like, Adam, I love you.

13:18 Caller You are like my biggest fan in the world.

13:21 Adam Thank you.

13:22 Yeah, like I'm your biggest fan.

13:23 Drew Do you ever hear voices or see things that aren't there?

13:27 Adam No.

13:27 Drew You've been doing a lot of acid lately.

13:28 Adam Tell me what you're saying.

13:29 Drew I love you, Adam.

13:30 I have your name on my shoes and everything.

13:32 Adam Oh, yes. Thank you.

13:35 I love you.

13:35 Caller You're like, so great.

13:37 Adam He's just a man.

13:39 Oh, my God.

13:40 Adam He's just a man. It's such a coincidence because I was looking in the mirror today and after I got out of the shower and I was thinking that same thing. You're so great. I was just going, I love you, man.

13:50 Oh, okay.

13:51 Adam Hey, you live in Chatsworth?

13:52 Yeah.

13:53 Adam Oh, yeah. What a dump.

13:54 No, it's not.

13:55 Adam Sue your parents.

13:56 Drew It's pretty cool out there today, I bet.

13:58 Caller Well, sort of.

13:59 Adam Yeah. Heat index about 140. I used to work on Owens Mouth and Devonshire or DeSoto or something. Oh, you might near my house. No. Do me a favor and just firebomb that whole place.

14:11 Caller Okay. You know what?

14:12 Adam Thank you.

14:13 Caller Jack's back. He has a question for you.

14:15 Adam Okay.

14:15 Caller Okay. Just a second.

14:16 Adam Thank you.

14:17 Drew She got it together for him.

14:19 Caller Yeah.

14:19 You there? Jack?

14:21 Caller Yeah.

14:21 I have a adopted Asian sister.

14:24 Caller I have something to say to you.

14:26 All right. Here's the phone.

14:34 Caller I am me. Me. I do it.

14:44 Adam It's not... I don't believe the Asian stereotype is funny, by the way, first off. So if you think you're gonna get a laugh out of me, simply because I do a little tomfoo in Minka. A lot of radio shows would have hung up a long time ago on that, but not this show. We got two hours to kill.

15:09 Drew We like things to their painfully uncomfortable.

15:12 Adam All right. Thanks for calling. Okay. Bye.

15:15 Caller Yeah. She's sort of psycho.

15:17 Adam Okay. All right. That was his Asian girlfriend? I don't know. Okay. Let's talk to Lisa. Lisa?

15:25 Hello?

15:26 Adam What's up? You're 22.

15:28 Caller Yeah. I pick at my head and create like a...

15:33 Drew A bald spot?

15:34 Caller I'm sorry?

15:35 Drew Make a little bald spot?

15:36 Caller No. I don't pull my hair. I actually have two family members who do that. But I pick at my head until it bleeds and I create scabs. And I wanted to know what that's called and if there are any like health reasons why I shouldn't do it.

15:51 Drew Well, other than getting an infected scalp.

15:56 Adam Can you pick at your head without pulling hair out?

15:59 Drew Yeah, people do it. They go and they just start picking. They usually make a little bald spot, a tiny one. But you know, this is a picker's syndrome. Quite literally is one of the things that is manifest like this. Speed, cocaine, people that do a lot of stimulants will get a picker's syndrome. People with obsessive-compulsive disorders will pick. People with certain kinds of mood disorders can pick. Anxiety disorders. So just because you're picking doesn't really necessarily give you the diagnosis. So you have to go see someone who understands these things and get it looked at and see if there's something that can be done to help you stop.

16:32 Caller Well, I do see someone and I've been diagnosed with bipolar NOS.

16:39 Adam What? NOS?

16:40 Caller Or something like that, yeah.

16:41 Drew Bipolar NOS. NOS stands for not otherwise specified.

16:45 Caller Oh.

16:45 Drew Oh, really?

16:46 Adam I thought it was nitrous oxide. All right.

16:50 Caller So, all right.

16:50 Adam Well, have they put you on any medication?

16:54 Caller Yeah. Right now, I'm on Depakote and Pamela, because I also, or not Pamela, I'm sorry. I have another question about Pamela. I'm on Depakote and Paxil because I have anxiety disorder.

17:09 Drew So, this pickers thing may be part of your anxiety disorder.

17:11 Adam How about-

17:11 Caller I think so.

17:12 Adam Couldn't you do something more constructive, like pick your nose?

17:15 Caller Oh, ew.

17:16 Adam That's what I do. I do it when I drive.

17:18 Yeah, but you got a problem, though.

17:19 Adam I got like a whole passenger seat full of boogers. You open the passenger door, my car big avalanche of boogers comes out. Hey, it's embarrassing sometimes people see them in the ashtray.

17:30 Drew They have a little blow.

17:31 Adam Yeah, it's humiliating. I shouldn't talk about it. How about you wear like oven mittens or something to prevent yourself from picking?

17:39 Drew How about you talk to your doctor about it? Because there are drugs that are more effective than Paxilip preventing it. So that's what you do.

17:45 Adam Well, here's the deal with Lisa. She's got a problem. She's seeing somebody.

17:49 Drew Yeah.

17:50 Adam She's under supervision. She's on medication.

17:52 Drew She's not in the right one.

17:53 Adam There's not a whole heck of a lot we can do.

17:55 Drew Not for her, no.

17:56 Adam Kurt?

17:58 Yeah, I'm here.

17:59 Adam You're 26?

18:00 Caller Yeah.

18:01 Adam What's up?

18:03 Caller I am going through a very long dry spell in dating. And in fact, I'm still virgin at 26.

18:09 Adam Who?

18:10 Who?

18:13 Adam That's not really a dry spell. It's a dry life. Yeah, it's a life-long drought. It's like saying a guy's in a slump who never got a hit.

18:23 Caller That's pretty much it. Yep. I haven't been to the plate.

18:26 Adam Right. Right. Well, what's up?

18:28 Caller Well, I think it's about time to make a change. I've had enough moping around and doing and what are you going to do?

18:38 Drew So what's the plan? What are you studying?

18:40 Caller I'm studying landscape architecture at Cal Berkeley.

18:43 Drew What's your plan?

18:45 Caller Well, I figure I'm at a college school. They're bound to be lots of lots of women.

18:50 Drew What a novel idea. Meet someone at school.

18:52 Caller However, at my age, I wonder whether it would be the right thing to do to go for a woman who's an undergrad because we'd have similar lack of experience, so to speak, or should I?

19:05 Adam Hey, hold on a second there, Einstein. Drew, remember when I said the smarter the guy is, the less chance he has to get laid last night?

19:12 Drew Here's living proof.

19:13 Adam Being smart never helped you get laid.

19:15 Drew He's got a war room with a big layout of the Berkeley campus with little figures. He moves around, how he's going to get from place to place, and play on the attack.

19:23 Adam Kurt, you're an intelligent guy. You're a good student, I'm sure. You wouldn't be going to Berkeley, but you intellectualize too much. You're up in your head too much.

19:33 Caller Yeah, I am.

19:34 Adam Yeah. You need to do a little less thinking, a little more drinking, and just get out there. You know what I mean? You need to tilt a few at a mixer.

19:42 Caller Yeah. I'm off the sauce.

19:45 Drew Oh, you're an alcoholic?

19:46 Caller No, I wasn't. I'm a total lightweight, and I just hate what it does to me mentally.

19:51 Drew Hold on a second.

19:52 Adam Hold on. You know what I like about Kurt? He's off the sauce, and he has a little dry smell. It's basically, to hear Kurt describe his situation, he was basically a millionaire playboy in the 60s, but the hard driving lifestyle, womanizing, and the boozing, and the substance abuse got to him, and he swore off it, and now he's in a cool down period. The reality is, this guy's probably drank a thimble of Manischewitz in his life and vomited, and hasn't even got a hand job at age 26. But he does put a good spin on it, off the sauce.

20:33 Caller Off the sauce.

20:34 Adam Kurt.

20:35 Caller Yeah, you like that one, huh?

20:36 Adam Yes, you got to get back on the sauce.

20:38 Caller Okay.

20:39 Adam Yeah. Listen, I'm not saying abuse substances. I'm saying you're thinking way too much. Should I date an undergrad? What's her GPA? Forget about it. You find someone you're attracted to, go talk to her. And remember, everybody, all you virgin guys out there who have sworn off the sauce, nobody knows what your story is until you reveal it to them either in words or in mannerisms.

21:04 Drew Yeah. Women, first of all, they can sense it. They're like a gazelle with a lion approaching. Secondly, they have meetings where they announce it, I'm sure. Women, I know it.

21:12 Adam No. Don't freak the guy out. I mean, what I'm saying is, is your 26-year-old guy, I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you physically. You're certainly an intelligent guy. Do whatever you want. If you see a woman that's attractive, go up and talk to her. Don't walk around like a cripple. Do you know what I'm saying, Kurt?

21:31 Drew Yeah, I hear you.

21:32 Adam You don't have to do it. And when you do find a woman you're interested in, don't give her the hard luck story.

21:38 Caller All right.

21:38 Drew No, do not.

21:39 Adam Don't start telling her about being a virgin. Don't start telling her about crying and masturbating and slumps and all that kind of stuff. You are a man of mystery to her, OK?

21:51 Caller Well, how much of the radar is going to pick up when I approach this?

21:56 Adam Here's what the radar will do. It will lock in on your posture, your walk, your vibe. So, if you are kind of slumped over and your pants are hiked up too high and your belt is cinched in a couple notches too tight, she will pick up on that.

22:11 Drew They want someone who can make them feel good. Fun, be present emotionally. That's all.

22:16 Adam Don't think about it that much. That's all.

22:18 Caller All right.

22:19 Adam All right. Now, just get out there. Don't do any thinking.

22:22 Caller Could I get a... Is producer Ann still with the program?

22:26 Drew Yes.

22:26 Caller Could I get the woman's point of view for what she would think or what like the hypothetical 30-year-old woman would think if...

22:33 Drew All right. Quick. Ann, bring it in here. You hear it?

22:35 Adam No. She just said you're a puss and told you to get to work. Cool. All right. All right, Kirk. Get busy. That's all. Yep. All right. All the brains in the world can't figure out a way to get you laid. It's really a weird thing. I mean, it's like, in a way, it's an equation. It's a problem that needs to be solved.

22:52 Drew Yeah, but it's not mathematical.

22:54 Adam No. But it's not even a problem-solving brain can't help you with that one.

22:59 Drew Yeah, it's more experiential.

23:01 Adam You're too close to it.

23:02 Drew Yeah, yeah.

23:03 Adam Kurt could probably get his friend Kurt laid, but Kurt's living inside of Kurt's underpants and he can't do it.

23:09 Drew Right.

23:09 Adam I like to be living inside of Kurt's underpants.

23:11 Drew No, not really.

23:12 Adam Drew, where are you going?

23:13 Drew I've been called several times here. I gotta go to the phone.

23:16 Adam All right, will you turn that page around Vibrate, please? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please?

23:19 Drew Yeah.

23:19 Adam Please?

23:19 Drew Yeah.

23:19 Caller Please?

23:21 Adam We'll be back. Hey, everybody. Today, Love Line. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew got his hands on the can of nuts, baby. He's going to town. Don't pick out just the ones you want, Drew, come on.

24:11 Drew I want the peanuts.

24:12 Adam You do?

24:12 Drew Yeah.

24:13 Adam Oh, you like the peanuts? Oh, good. Good. You know, I was thinking as I was looking, I was looking at this mix can of nuts. I thought how relative life was. You look at these mixed cans of nuts with the cashews and the almonds and the walnuts and hazelnuts and all that, and they'll advertise now with less peanuts, right? Because that's the bargain basement nut in the bucket. But when you open a little packet of that goddamn stale fiesta mix, when you're on a cheap international flight, you're begging. I'd blow the stewardess for a peanut. Wait a minute. Does the stewardess have a penis? Some of them. Okay. Corcoran.

25:02 Caller Yeah.

25:02 Adam Corcoran. Corcoran.

25:04 Caller Corcoran.

25:04 Adam Yeah. What's happening?

25:05 Caller Hey. This is a very belated compliment, but I loved your guy's book from a couple of years ago.

25:10 Drew Oh, nice.

25:11 Caller I think that in hotels, instead of the Bible, your book should be on every night stand.

25:14 Drew Oh my God.

25:15 Adam Thank you.

25:19 Caller My question is about my tongue. I want to pierce it three times. I want to triple pierce it and I want to know how long I should wait between piercings and once the novelty of it wears off, how long or how well it will heal.

25:33 Adam So you have no piercings in it now?

25:36 Caller No, I'm pierced free.

25:38 Drew Will they let you do three at once?

25:39 Caller No, that would be very painful.

25:41 Drew Not just painful, but very, very dangerous, I would think.

25:45 Caller Yeah, because there's an artery in there, I know.

25:46 Drew Yes, there is. The only double piercing I've ever seen got terribly infected. Horrible.

25:51 Adam What do you mean the only double piercing?

25:52 Drew It's the only one I've ever seen.

25:53 Adam You mean in a tongue?

25:54 Drew Yeah, and it happened to be a patient of mine who had to take everything out because it got really infected.

25:58 Caller You've never seen more than two?

26:00 Drew Never have, myself.

26:01 Adam I'll tell you, I'd be scared that if you ever gave me oral pleasure, my piece might slip through one of those holes.

26:10 Caller I'd be careful.

26:10 Adam It can get large now, you know?

26:12 Drew Yeah.

26:13 Adam Yeah. Oh, you'd be careful?

26:14 Caller Yeah.

26:15 Adam Thank you.

26:15 Caller Yes.

26:16 Adam Why is it that you want three when you don't even have one?

26:20 Caller I think it's the novelty of it. Here's the plan. I want, starting at the teeth from the tip of the tongue, I want a green barbell followed by a yellow and a red.

26:29 Adam Uh-huh. Like a traffic light?

26:30 Caller Exactly.

26:31 Adam So if you meet a dude at a club and you're into him, you show him the green one.

26:35 Caller There you go.

26:35 Adam But if you don't like the guy, show him the red one. And the yellow means two more wine coolers to get a BJ.

26:41 Caller Exactly. That's good.

26:43 Drew Do you have other piercings or tattoos?

26:45 Caller No. Just double piercings in my ears.

26:48 Drew Wow.

26:49 Adam It's really, it's just we've never had the person who's not yet had one who's planning on three.

26:55 Caller Yeah.

26:55 Adam Yeah. Well, why don't you get the one and see how it feels and see how you like it.

26:59 Drew Why do you need that kind of attention?

27:02 Adam Good point.

27:02 Caller Entertainment.

27:03 For who?

27:05 Caller For myself and others.

27:07 Drew That's a load of crap. I'm tired of nonsense answers.

27:10 Adam For yourself. Why don't you get one of those paddles with the springy balls on it if you want to stay entertained. You retard. I have one of those. What's wrong with you? All you people. What do you mean? Stop acting out all you. I don't want to know. I'm tired of seeing everybody wearing everything. You know what I mean? What's wrong? Why are you so insecure?

27:30 Caller Oh, wow. I don't know. I couldn't tell you. I think it's basically a rebellion thing.

27:40 Adam Right. Well, here's what I'm saying. You're an intelligent person. There are some issues. You think you're going to help resolve or ease some of those issues by getting a triple piercing.

27:53 Caller I think I'm going to get rid of it after a couple of years. The novelty will wear off.

27:56 Adam Okay. Are you that interested in advertising to everybody that something's wrong with you or whatever it is?

28:04 Drew What is it you imagine it will do for you? I'm actually just curious.

28:08 Caller You know, this is going to sound really bad, but I want to be a stand-up comic and it would be a great gimmick.

28:13 Adam Oh, yeah?

28:13 Caller Yeah.

28:14 Adam What? You got any material?

28:16 Caller Oh, God. I have three notebooks and I can't even get the nerve to get on stage.

28:19 Adam Oh, really?

28:19 Drew Without Adam.

28:21 Adam I'm doing Kill Born tomorrow. I just found out today and I'm trying to come up with some jokes and I was sitting around getting a headache. I'm out of comedy, by the way.

28:29 Caller I'll watch it tomorrow.

28:30 Adam Yeah. Well, be careful. There's not going to be any comedy there.

28:35 Caller All right.

28:35 Adam I start thinking of jokes and I realize I already said those ones on his show. All right. Well, hey, listen. Look, here's what you need to do. You want attention. You want to rush. You want to do something daring. Go do an open mic. You live in Chicago, right? You know where the comedy clubs are.

28:53 Drew Yeah.

28:53 Adam You can find out what night the open mic is.

28:55 Drew I've been there.

28:56 Adam I just can't go.

28:57 Drew And, Corcoran, it's a little cheap to be using visual aids. You know what I mean? It's not really challenging your skill.

29:03 Adam That's right.

29:04 Caller Talking about it gets enough laugh out of people.

29:06 Drew Yeah, but it's not really developing any skill.

29:08 Adam Yeah.

29:09 Caller Yeah.

29:10 Adam Yeah. I mean, look at Carrot Top. Hey, go do one of those open mics, would you?

29:15 Drew All right. I'll do it.

29:17 Adam Let me explain something to everybody who wants to do anything in life. The first ten times you do it, you're going to suck. So get it over with. Don't keep putting those ten off. Whenever you start, like if you want to do stand-up comedy, if you want to do stand-up, you by law have to suck for at least your first ten times up on stage. You really do. And if you tried it at seventeen, you're going to suck for the first ten times. And if you tried it twenty-seven, you're going to suck. And if you tried it thirty-seven, you will suck. So do it at seventeen and get it over with. And then get on to the point like I'm at with my career, where I'm not sucking.

30:01 Drew But it's more like you don't care if you do.

30:04 Adam Oh, right. That's better. Right. And in a while, I'll be good. I'm still enjoying the non-suck phase of my career. Sarah? Hello? You're thirty-one?

30:17 Caller Yeah.

30:17 Adam What's up?

30:18 Caller How are you doing?

30:19 Adam Good.

30:19 Caller I'm sorry. Am I on already?

30:20 Caller Yeah.

30:22 Caller How are you two?

30:23 Adam We're well.

30:24 Caller Good. First, can I just say that my husband loves the man show, Adam?

30:29 Drew I'm sorry, Sarah.

30:30 Adam Thank him very much for me.

30:32 Drew Yeah.

30:32 Caller He thinks it's so funny and I think it's funny, but I don't watch it as much as he does. But anyway.

30:37 Adam All right. Thanks.

30:37 Caller Whatever.

30:38 Adam Using us out of that compliment.

30:40 Caller Okay.

30:41 Drew I just think it's a great way to define the differences between men and women. Just have a woman watch it and have a man watch a man show.

30:46 Adam Well, it's-

30:46 Drew Notice the differences.

30:47 Adam It's called the man show for a reason. Go ahead.

30:50 Caller Well, my question is, my husband and I love sex, of course, and this has happened ever since we've been together, which is two years, not too long. But he gets to the point where he is going to come, and then all of a sudden, it's like the urge, I guess, for him to go just goes away.

31:12 Caller In fact.

31:14 Adam Drew, please let her finish.

31:15 Caller You don't know.

31:16 Caller He goes, what was-

31:18 Drew Wait a minute, guys don't do that.

31:20 Adam He gets right to the point.

31:22 Caller Like he goes, like I can tell, I can almost feel it like inside. It's so tight. It's so hard. And all of a sudden it goes away. And I was like, what happened? And he goes, I don't know. I just, I don't know what happened.

31:33 Drew No, that's not him being almost there. No way. No way. That's just him losing it.

31:37 Caller I wonder why he keeps, you mean losing the erection.

31:42 Adam That does he lose the erection?

31:44 Caller No, because he's still, well, you know what? Sometimes when he's inside me, I can feel it. It's not as hard as it is. But it's still hard enough to be inside.

31:52 Adam That happened with me and Drew. I knew he was thinking about something else.

31:56 Drew That was you.

31:57 Adam Oh, I'm sorry. That's right. I was thinking about you thinking about something else. Went down. Okay. So he claims to get very close to orgasm. Have you ever gave an orgasm?

32:09 Caller Oh, of course. It just takes a little bit longer than I would think the normal people.

32:13 Drew How long?

32:15 Caller Well, sometimes it can go for over an hour. It just depends. I mean...

32:20 Drew Are you just kind of losing interest? And maybe that he picks up on that and he kind of fades out too?

32:24 Caller No, because actually, sometimes I really try to, you know, put it on heavy for him like, oh, you know, you know, just to make him feel, well, I want to get this over with. No, I'm just kidding.

32:34 Drew Well, guys can sense the BS factor too. And that would make the guy lose his erection.

32:40 Adam No, no, no, hold on. He doesn't know anything. Forget those degrees. I can't, I just want to say this. I was just thinking about that. You know, when you're having sex, you've been going at it for a while. You think your partner's near an orgasm. So you make that run, you make that sprint because you think you see the finish line.

32:59 Drew That's an anxiety provoking thing.

33:00 Adam And you make that move and you go at it. And then you realize at some point, hey, it ain't happening. I mean, you made that sprint. You got to do another lap.

33:08 Caller Like, oh gosh, here we go again.

33:10 Drew That put that, when you start going for it like that, that puts pressure on him and makes him anxious. And that's when he loses it.

33:15 Adam Let me, let me.

33:16 Drew He also knows it's sort of an insincere attempt to try to get things over with.

33:20 Caller Can I say one more thing?

33:21 Adam No, you can't. I'm arguing with Drew. Hold on, sis. Okay. First off, since when did guys care about sincerity? They go get like a pay for lap dances all night long.

33:29 Drew They don't care about sincerity. No, when they really care about it.

33:33 Adam Number two, he had this problem before. Otherwise, she wouldn't have had to make the run.

33:40 Drew Right.

33:40 Adam You understand?

33:41 Drew Yeah, I understand. She knows.

33:42 Adam So, this problem existed.

33:44 Drew Yeah, absolutely.

33:44 Adam She could have slightly exacerbated it with speed and sincerity, but that is not the nature of the problem.

33:51 Drew Right. I understand. You're right.

33:52 Adam So, let's not dwell on that.

33:53 Drew Is she on medication?

33:55 Caller No, but there's one thing when we mention, because it might mean something. I sort of mentioned it before, but I can actually feel when he's going to come. It's like all of a sudden, it feels better. When he comes, usually, I get this explosive feeling inside. I don't know what it is. It feels good for me too. But so when he loses it, I can feel it. I'm just like, oh gosh. So he loses it. I can feel him actually almost, and then he doesn't. I can feel inside. I know it sounds strange.

34:21 Adam No, no.

34:22 Drew You feel him building and then he loses it.

34:24 Caller Yeah. I feel the building.

34:25 Drew That's him going, oh God.

34:27 Adam Yeah. Well.

34:28 Caller But also we've spoken about masturbation. He also says sometimes it takes him a long time, even when he's masturbating, to come too.

34:35 Drew Is he doing a lot of that?

34:37 Caller Not actually. I think he used to, but now he can't because he's working so much, and sometimes he works graveyard and lots of hours.

34:45 Adam Well, they got bathrooms that work.

34:46 Drew That may be the problem here overall, is just run down. I still think medicine is here.

34:53 Adam Really? I really think that, Drew, for every 10 guys whose cork goes out pops out of their penis-shaped champagne bottle in 10 seconds, there's one guy who has difficulty.

35:08 Drew Yeah.

35:09 Adam It takes a while. Any medications?

35:12 Caller Nope.

35:12 Drew No drug, no pot, no anything. Nothing.

35:16 Caller No way.

35:16 Drew No supplements, no DHEA, no nothing, no herbs. Think about it.

35:23 Caller No, I know. We both are drug-free, alcohol-free.

35:25 Adam How old is he?

35:27 Caller 30.

35:28 Adam 30. All right. Another thing too is, you guys haven't been together that long and he's not that old, and he will find some rhythm and work it out. But this may just be this guy's metronome.

35:41 Drew He's working hard and that's when this stuff gets worse.

35:43 Adam And he can have the orgasm. He's just pushing, just working. I got the same thing, really. Thank God I've worked the masturbation part out, otherwise I'd be late every night. But sexually, yeah, same. I got to work a little bit.

35:57 Drew Yeah, but you got the eye of the ninja.

35:59 Adam I focus. You got to focus. All right, let's talk to Carrie who's 15. Carrie?

36:05 Caller Hi.

36:06 Adam What's up?

36:07 Caller I'm attracted to my uncle.

36:09 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

36:12 Caller Not really.

36:13 Adam Oh, how old is he?

36:14 Caller 25.

36:16 Drew Does he respond to your overtures?

36:20 Caller Sometimes I think that he does, but I mean, I know it's not right.

36:24 I don't know. Sometimes I don't think so.

36:26 Drew When he does...

36:28 Adam Ooh, taboo too.

36:30 Drew When he does, exactly how does that go down?

36:31 Adam She doesn't know what overtures are. That's why she had a little difficulty with that.

36:36 Drew What happens if you show him your attraction?

36:38 Caller Sometimes they'll like put his arm around me or something.

36:42 Adam Yeah, well, I mean, I take my nephews and wrestle with them constantly. That doesn't...

36:47 Drew I don't have to report you.

36:48 Adam I don't want to hump both of them.

36:51 Drew Are you just obsessing over this guy?

36:54 Well, not... I don't know. I think about him a lot.

36:57 Drew She's just that guy that she doesn't obsess on.

37:00 Adam Who is he? Whose side is he on?

37:04 Drew Who's brother is he on?

37:04 Oh, he's my mom's brother.

37:06 Adam Your mom's brother. So, yeah, that's not a great plan. Well, you can be attracted to him.

37:12 Drew Right. And 15, it's normal to get...

37:14 Adam And 15, sure.

37:15 Drew But it's also normal to get some obsessions going to 15. That's when Bon Jovi starts to look good.

37:19 Adam Starts.

37:20 Drew Yeah, I mean...

37:21 Adam Yeah. Hey, Carrie? Yeah? We just don't do anything about it. That's all.

37:25 Drew Well, I think you pray to God that he doesn't do anything about it. That's the important thing.

37:28 Adam Well, it doesn't look like he's gonna...

37:30 Drew And you need as much as possible to re-engage in reality. Stay with your peers and realize this is just a way of distracting you from your mood, usually. You've been kind of depressed lately? Yeah.

37:40 Well, I don't know.

37:41 Drew Yeah. And that's also not so abnormal at 15. And there's just a way your brain kind of manages depression at 15 when it doesn't have anything else at its disposal, which is to start focusing on things. Keep going with your friends. Find some things that help you build a sense of yourself. You'll be fine.

37:55 Adam Drew, I just had this thought about not maybe not your own children and maybe even not their kids, but maybe their kids as I see you trying to eat and trying to hand out advice simultaneously on the radio, right? I'm guessing that, like I said, in three or four generations, three, four, maybe five generations that those kids, if your kids get into radio and their kids get into radio, that eventually they will have teeth in their anus and that they will be able to ingest food rectally while dispensing advice on the radio. Because I thought, that's really the next step for us, to feed ourselves rectally so that we can have our mouths free to talk on the radio, but still ingest snacks as we're talking.

38:42 Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob.

38:43 Drew Yeah, that would work.

38:44 Adam Drew, could you, can you put food up your ass and get something out of it? I mean, you can booze up your ass and get drunk, right?

38:54 Drew There's not much you can put up your butt. And get, yeah, it's a small bowel where the nutrition is absorbed, not the colon.

39:00 Adam Not the colon. But yet you'll absorb alcohol. So what if you had some sort of nutrient shake that you could get in there, that you could, you know, put a funnel in your ass and dump some Gatorade in there.

39:12 Drew Those kind, those size molecules aren't nutritionally sized, you know.

39:15 Adam Not going to work.

39:16 Drew Protein.

39:17 Adam So I cram a bucket of these honey roasted nuts up my ass. I'm not going to get anything.

39:21 Drew That's going to happen.

39:23 Adam We'll be right back. Would you let one go? All right. We're taking a break. We're getting out of here.

39:27 Caller Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, we'll be right back.

40:09 Adam Hey, everybody. Loveline. I'm Adam. That's my partner and sometimes a lover, Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Yeah, who are we talking to here, Drew?

40:24 Drew I do.

40:25 Adam Yeah, wants to know pointers about giving a BJ? Okay, that sounds good. Well, let's save that one. Let's take the sad one first. Theo?

40:34 Yeah, how's it going?

40:35 Adam You're 24?

40:36 Caller Yes, indeed.

40:36 Adam What's up?

40:38 Caller Okay, well, my little brother killed himself a couple of months ago. Well, a month ago. It's going on, what, three weeks, four weeks. It was July 13th.

40:46 Drew Oh, my God, it just happened. Had he been struggling with depression for a while?

40:48 Caller Apparently, it wasn't something that stood out or anything.

40:51 Drew But you guys had no idea he had a severe depression?

40:55 Caller No, not at all. He left a note that said that he had a problem, but it didn't really go into it. And we're just going with the depression idea because we have nothing to base it on.

41:07 Adam How old was he?

41:08 Caller He was 21. Oh boy. Yeah, we were like three years apart.

41:12 Drew It wasn't like he was murdering.

41:13 Caller No, no, no. He bought the gun that day in the car with the whole deal.

41:18 Drew Do we have any idea what the problem was?

41:20 Caller No.

41:21 Adam Well, let's not live in the past, Drew.

41:23 Caller Well, I mean, I'm doing good and that's my problem. My question is, I have no idea. I'm not, I mean, I was upset up until the Memorial and all. And from there, I've been pretty good. I mean, I get shaky sometimes thinking about it, but I can easily just tune it out and not think about it at all.

41:38 Drew Well, it actually is important to think about it.

41:41 Caller Well, I know, but at the same time, I don't feel like I'm up for it because it's just not why there's no fun. I've been dealing with it. I heard the girl cough about comedy and stuff earlier. That's great advice by the way, Mr. Adam.

41:51 Adam Thank you.

41:52 Caller I have been dealing with lots of writing.

41:54 Drew Good. That's good.

41:55 Caller That's just how I'm going about it. Do lots of comedy writing, keep myself laughing, and avoid thinking about it.

42:01 Drew Well, avoiding thinking about it, the avoidance piece is the problem.

42:03 Caller I mean, it's not so much an avoidance as much as I can just, I can change my thought pattern quick enough to where I don't harp on it too long.

42:10 Adam Well, maybe you never liked the guy.

42:11 Caller No, I mean, we were the best of friends and everything.

42:14 Drew Well, have you accepted his death?

42:16 Caller I mean, yeah. I mean, I've been here.

42:18 Adam Drew, what do you mean accept?

42:19 Drew How does that work? Because people will say, I don't know, I can't think about it. It's still too unreal to me. It's like a dream, this kind of thing. That's not acceptable.

42:27 Adam Yeah, I know, but you know the guy's dead. I mean, look.

42:30 Drew Adam, people will say, no, I'm having trouble accepting it.

42:33 Adam No.

42:34 Drew Yes, they will.

42:35 Adam Well, that's the terminology they'll use. But I mean, it's hard to argue that they don't know the person's dead. They're blocking it out. Fine. Okay, look, let me say this, Drew, and quit shaking your head. I know it hurts you because I'm such an expert at everything. Let me tell you about the human condition. Everybody does this. It's like you get your leg bitten off by a shark, you don't feel it.

42:58 Drew Right.

42:59 Adam You know, the pain sets in later. You lose a loved one tragically, you don't feel it for a while. I mean, you're shocked by it. But I think it's too overwhelming to feel initially. I think it's a good thing the way the nerves work in a human body, that when the leg gets hacked off by the shark, you don't feel it. I think it's the same thing with Theo and his brother.

43:19 Drew That's what your brain will do, which is, what do people say when they get involved in a car accident or something? They'll say, first thing, it was like a dream. It wasn't real.

43:26 Adam It was like a dream.

43:27 Drew That's what your brain does.

43:28 Adam Right.

43:28 Drew And that's what I was probing with him, to see if he'd gotten over that phase yet, because the next phase is grief.

43:34 Adam Yeah, and that's where he'll be soon.

43:37 Drew He's a month into it, yeah.

43:38 Adam Three weeks, he said. I'll give him a little, give him a few beats. He'll break down while he's crying. I'm like, he'll be driving his car in like Starry Starry Night by Jim. Who's the guy who sung American Pie?

43:54 Drew Yeah, who was that guy? What an awful, more 70s crap.

43:59 Adam Jim.

44:00 Drew No.

44:02 Adam John McClane.

44:03 Drew John McClane, yeah.

44:03 Adam Jim, no, Bob McClane. Bob McCallister. McClane. Now, come on. Please, you guys. You don't know the name of the guy who sung American Pie? Bye, bye, McClane.

44:16 Drew I think it was Madonna. No.

44:18 Adam That was a joke. Anderson says Madonna. I know, he's kidding. Really, could there be any less helpful people in the United States? That was a huge song. McClane. Bob Mc, John, Jim, Jim. All right, now I'm going nuts. I'm going nuts. Theo. What? Don McClane.

44:37 Drew Don McClane, thank you.

44:38 Adam Yeah. Okay. Listen, you know what I am on this show? King of the Tards. I'm an idiot in the outside world. I come in here, I'm a genius because I got this for competition. Nobody, nobody. You know the thing that kills me about this place too, we age range 20 to 45, we still know nothing between us. Lidsville, never heard of it. Don McClane, the guy had a number one song for me. No, nothing. Name the song, no. And then meanwhile, I smoke too much weed so I can only come up with like half the answer and then I sit here like a retard until one of the callers phones it in. We should all be ashamed of ourselves. Don McClane, Jim McClane, John McClane, come on.

45:19 Drew I was trying.

45:20 Adam That's not enough.

45:20 Drew We were struggling.

45:21 Adam We, I gave you 85% of a goddamn thing, you couldn't pop in with the rest. Starry, starry night. Paint your can. There's a song about that Vincent van Gogh. All right, Theo? Okay, look, it's, it's, call us in a month if you still haven't sobbed over this.

45:41 Drew How are your folks doing?

45:43 Caller I wanted to say also, Drew, you're a wonderful and passionate man, but more Adam, you're a wonderful and inspirational, a genius possibly, even if you wet yourself every eight months or so.

45:52 Caller And I love you all to death.

45:54 Adam Six months, thank you.

45:55 Drew Theo, how are your folks doing?

45:57 Caller Well, I think it's driving my dad crazy. They're not together or anything. My dad's really taking it crazy. He's really going crazy over it.

46:08 Drew My mom- He's trying to figure out what went wrong, why he missed it.

46:11 Caller I don't think so much of that. He's just dealing with it, but it's just really hitting him really hard.

46:16 Drew Why isn't anyone trying to figure out what happened here? I know.

46:20 Caller I mean, it's one of those things. I mean, I'm hoping that one day something, I'm kind of almost relieved that I don't know, just because I think it would make it seem that much more stupid that I did it. Listen. I'm trying to look at it that way.

46:33 Drew He's never been one of those dramatic guys.

46:36 Adam Look. Just curious. Once in a while, somebody's just really sincere about dying.

46:40 Drew Yeah, no kidding.

46:42 Adam Don't you believe there's a certain amount of people that were put on this earth just to kill themselves?

46:47 Drew No, I don't believe that.

46:48 Adam I do. As a doctor, I have to think that way.

46:51 Drew That's nice.

46:52 Adam There's a certain people I just think would just, they just don't like life. I know that sounds like a Neanderthal comment, but what I mean is there's people that don't brag about it, they don't talk about it, they don't threaten it, they just do it.

47:07 Drew Oh yeah, those are the most dangerous ones.

47:09 Adam Obviously they're depressed, but they don't give off any signs and it's like they're just so profoundly depressed that there's just really no help in them.

47:18 Drew Yes, there is.

47:19 Adam Well, there would be if they gave a sign that they're sick but they don't want to. They're serious about it. They're serious about dying. They buy a gun. It's not a cry for help. They want out. All right, we'll get out.

47:31 Caller Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, we'll be right back.

48:13 Adam Hey, everybody, Loveline. Drew's just announced he has horrible gas, which is bad because it's that medical grade gas. You know, they talk about that medical grade coke.

48:26 Drew Yeah, right. Pharmaceutical grade.

48:28 Adam That's pharmaceutical.

48:29 Drew And you announced me.

48:31 Adam Pharmaceutical gas.

48:32 Drew Lucky.

48:33 Adam Yeah, lucky. You know why Drew's lucky with the gas is he knows just what to eat to give it to him. And he ate that tonight.

48:41 Drew No, I didn't even. That's the thing.

48:43 Adam Well, you got little traces of it. Little taste of garlic.

48:48 Drew Didn't even taste that. Taste of chive.

48:52 Adam But garlic will do it too, right? Drew told me once that if he hugged an Italian guy, he would get gas.

48:58 Drew Yeah.

48:58 Adam He's that allergic to garlic.

48:59 Drew Yeah, yeah.

49:02 Adam All right. Well, tell me when something happens, would you?

49:05 Drew Why? You'll know sooner or later.

49:07 Adam All right. Amanda?

49:09 Caller Yeah.

49:09 Adam You're 15?

49:10 Caller Yeah.

49:11 Adam What's up?

49:15 Caller Not too long ago, my boyfriend gave me oral sex. I was just looking for a few pointers to return the favor, to make it better for him.

49:26 Adam You want to give him oral sex?

49:28 Caller Yeah.

49:28 Drew Did he do it at such an especially astonishing job with you?

49:31 Caller Actually, he did.

49:33 Adam Oh, really? Yeah. Nice. All right. You didn't return the favor that evening.

49:39 Caller No, I had to go to work.

49:40 Drew How old is he?

49:41 Caller He's 15.

49:43 Adam And you had to go to work, huh?

49:46 Caller I did.

49:47 Adam Where do you work?

49:48 Caller I work over in Santee. I'm a photographer over there.

49:51 Drew Santee?

49:52 Adam A photographer over in Santee?

49:54 Yeah.

49:55 Drew Santee is not like a foster freeze or something.

49:58 Adam What is Santee?

50:00 What is Santee?

50:01 Adam Yeah.

50:02 Caller Like where?

50:03 Drew What is it?

50:03 Adam Amanda?

50:04 Caller Yes.

50:05 Adam Let me explain a concept to you.

50:07 Caller Okay.

50:08 Adam We do not hail from the San Diego area.

50:10 Caller Oh.

50:11 Adam You know what I'm saying?

50:12 Caller Yeah.

50:13 Adam So Santee.

50:14 Caller Santee is by, it's a town. It's a town.

50:19 Drew You're a photographer in that town?

50:20 Caller Yeah.

50:22 Caller I take sports photos for like little leaks and stuff.

50:25 Drew There we go. Okay.

50:26 Adam Thank you.

50:27 Drew Thank you. Now, we were with you.

50:29 Adam Yeah. Hey, you know my buddy, John?

50:32 Drew Oh, John?

50:33 Adam No, you don't. That's why I would say my buddy before I said John. Okay. So, you want to give your boyfriend a BJ?

50:42 Yeah.

50:42 Adam All right.

50:43 Caller And I was just looking for a few pointers to make it more enjoyable for him.

50:47 Adam Do you want to do this?

50:48 Yeah.

50:49 Adam You do?

50:50 I do.

50:52 Adam I feel somewhat obligated to tell 15-year-old girls not to do it, but if you're hell-bent on doing it, your boyfriend.

51:01 Drew Well, just her enthusiasm will be sufficient.

51:03 Adam Right.

51:04 Drew That's all.

51:04 Okay. Well, thank you.

51:05 Adam Yeah. You'll be fine. There's no bad BJs.

51:10 Okay.

51:10 Adam You understand? Yeah. And there's really nothing you can practice on, and there's not much discussion. Personally, I'll tell you what I'll do, because I feel bad about that telling Amanda what to do, but I'll just tell you what I enjoy. Doesn't that make it better somehow, Drew?

51:29 Drew Somehow you're skirting the ethics. Yeah. Okay.

51:31 Adam I like rhythm. Don't be hopping all over the place. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, you know, leave the balls alone. That's basically what I'm saying. Just get a... You don't do this, Amanda, but if anyone wants to give me one, that's what I like.

51:47 Caller You can caress the balls, you can gently pet them, you can stroke them, you can juggle them from side to side to side, but don't punch the balls! Wow.

51:58 Drew I miss those guys.

52:00 Adam Insane Clown Posse, everybody. All right, she's over in Santee. Yeah. You know where that is?

52:06 Drew No, I do.

52:07 Adam Veronica?

52:08 Yeah, hi.

52:09 Adam You're 26?

52:10 Caller Yes.

52:10 Adam What's up?

52:11 Caller Well, I have a seven-year-old son, and he's taken to really liking a lot of girl things lately. When my husband and I became parents seven years ago, we had resolved not to raise our children with the usual boy and girl stereotypes.

52:34 Sure.

52:35 Drew Yet your male and female offspring quickly straightened you out, I'm sure.

52:40 Adam Well, not this one.

52:41 Drew No, but I mean the biology plays itself on.

52:44 Caller Up to now, we've been pretty pleased that we've pretty much not enforced stereotypes on them, but up to now, they've been the most stereotypical little boy and little girl you would ever meet.

53:00 Drew That's the way they all are. You hand any eight-year-old male a stick and it is a sword immediately.

53:09 Caller Oh, yes.

53:10 Drew You hand that to your daughter and she'll put it on the ground and look at it and go, what is this? I don't care if they're raised in a vacuum. That's how they'll behave.

53:22 Adam Upright or canister?

53:24 Drew Upright.

53:25 Adam Okay. Well, let me say my piece about the stereotype, too. See, people sort of think, and my mom was this way, too, the man has somehow imposed his will. What the man likes to do is he likes to put everyone in a compartment, in a pigeon hole, everyone, and assign these specific gender identification things to this, and assign this to that. But here's the reality of it. Nobody figured it out in advance. People did it in advance for millions of years, and that's how it became the way it is.

54:02 Caller Right, exactly.

54:02 Adam Boys like guns and swords, girls like dolls and makeup, and that's how they started it, not the man.

54:11 Caller Oh, right. I know.

54:12 Adam Right.

54:12 So now...

54:14 Caller My question is this. I sell cosmetics, and I oftentimes have little sample lipsticks and eyeshadows and stuff at home that I occasionally let my kids play with. And one particular day, my daughter was actually giving my son... There's six and seven. My daughter's six and my son is seven. And she was giving him a little makeover. And Alex told me that he really liked this. And he asked me, he asked me, what a boy who likes girl things is called. And I said, well, sometimes when boys grow up and they like to dress up in girl things, they're called drag queens. And he's dubbed himself a drag queen. And he's told me that he loves girl stuff now and that's all he wants to do.

55:02 Caller Hi, Mommy, I'm gay.

55:03 Caller Taken by surprise.

55:05 Drew Well, this may, you know, this doesn't, you know.

55:09 Adam What? Drew, you'd be going through the roof when your son did this.

55:12 Drew No, I wouldn't, because it doesn't have anything to do with anything really, although it suggests that he may be developing a little bit of a fetish. And fetish doesn't, you know, that just means a way of managing feelings. You can't say it means anything.

55:25 Caller Oh yeah, I don't see anything wrong with it. It just took me so much by surprise because he's been a stereotypical boy up until now. Right. And now he likes to march around, when, excuse me, I'm tripping over my own tongue. When my daughter made him all up, he went and put on one of her toy necklaces and marched outside to the neighbor's house and announced he was a drag queen.

55:51 Drew How's his relationship with you been?

55:53 Caller Oh, he loves me. He's a sweetheart.

55:56 Drew Have you been consistently available for him? Yes. You haven't been away, working, that kind of thing?

56:00 Caller No. No, I've been an at-home mom for...

56:04 Drew There wasn't a period where you were sick or away or taken away or anything like that? How did he adjust to... Well, he was one when your daughter came along?

56:10 Caller Yes.

56:11 Adam All right.

56:13 Drew No aggression in the house or anything like that?

56:15 Caller No.

56:16 Adam Okay.

56:16 Drew Yeah, it's fine.

56:18 Adam All right.

56:19 Drew You'll see what... It'll be what it's going to be.

56:22 Adam Give him a nice... Give him like a shotgun and a Molly Hatch CD and let's see if we can't lure him back over here.

56:28 Caller He loves playing swords and he loves playing outer space stuff. One of his favorite cartoons is Dragon Ball Z, so he's still all boy.

56:36 Drew Some of this is just individuating from mom. It really is. It's dealing with the distance from mom.

56:41 Adam Why is he dressing like mom?

56:42 Drew Well, they start taking on aspects of mom as a way of managing the fact they're pulling away from her. It's a fetish. That's what fetish is.

56:48 Adam He's marched over to the neighbors and announced he was a drag queen.

56:51 Drew That's fine.

56:52 Adam That would be pretty funny for the neighbors. I'll tell you, I may get my kid to do that even if they don't want to. It might be fun for the neighbors.

56:59 Drew That would be healthy.

57:02 Adam Don't read too much into it. And it really is not a whole lot you can do about it anyway.

57:06 Drew No.

57:06 Adam If he's hell bent on this lifestyle. You're fine.

57:10 Drew It doesn't mean a damn thing.

57:11 Adam Hide the cosmetics. It doesn't mean anything. But you'd be freaked out if your sons were marching around announcing the drag queens, Drew. You know you would. Thank you. Skylar?

57:20 Hey, what's up? Adam, you're a funny bastard.

57:22 Adam Hey, thanks, Skylar. You're 20. What's up?

57:24 Caller Hey, also I just want to say, Drew, my friends and I have been noticing lately you've been funny too.

57:29 Drew Oh, really?

57:30 Adam Yeah.

57:31 Caller You've been chiming in. I think Adam's been teaching you well.

57:33 Drew Yeah, he has been. You are my master.

57:35 Adam He's hysterical, like when he punches the microphone and then smacks over this coffee mug.

57:39 Drew Yeah, I picked up a good new trick tonight.

57:41 Adam Yeah.

57:42 Caller The gas or what?

57:44 Drew Yeah, you are my teacher.

57:44 Adam You've got the gas going. It's hysterical.

57:47 Caller Basically, what we're wondering is, one of our friends has had a crush on this really hot chick for a long time and nothing seems to be moving there. And we're wondering, how long did the dips last? You know, I mean, what's the etiquette there? What if he never naps her after like a year?

58:03 Drew You mean, there's more than one interested in your little group?

58:07 Caller Right. Why would you not be interested in this chick? You know, she's the best.

58:10 Drew Who is the girl in relation to you guys?

58:13 Adam To the group, yes.

58:14 Caller She's, you know, she's just a friend.

58:16 Drew She's a friend to everybody.

58:17 Caller Right.

58:18 Adam Who brought her into the group?

58:19 Caller He did. It's his friend.

58:21 Drew Bad times.

58:21 Caller He met her first.

58:23 Drew Where did he meet her?

58:24 Caller But, you know, how long do you wait?

58:27 Caller Where did he meet her?

58:28 Caller Through like a theater group kind of thing. And I do short films and stuff. So he's kind of brought her in to act in a movie that I'm doing.

58:38 Adam Okay, a couple of questions. Has he made a move? He will not make a move. He got into the friendship thing and he's now screwed up because he's in too deep.

58:50 Drew I think, though, you guys need to throw down the gauntlet. Right. Say, look, hey, if you make the move, great, it's yours. But otherwise, we reserve the right to move in.

58:58 Adam Do you think she has an interest in you?

59:01 Caller Oh, I don't know. I mean, who knows? We all would hope she has an interest in us. You know, we'd like to find out. But you know, you don't want to step on your friend's toes because he had dibs, you know?

59:12 Drew Yeah, but he...

59:13 Adam Well, that's not the way my friends thought.

59:15 Drew Oh.

59:15 Adam It was every A-hole for themselves. And I'll tell you one of the greatest stories ever. I know I've told this on the air, but it just bears repeating is when my buddy Ray was carrying on with my buddy Chris' girlfriend. And these are two big, volatile guys. I mean, you know them now in their later 30s. You should have seen them at 21, 22.

59:40 Drew No.

59:40 Adam About 20 pounds heavier and a lot more beaked up on testosterone, drugs and stuff.

59:45 Drew No.

59:46 Adam And Ray was carrying on with Chris' girl, and they'd been boyfriend-girlfriend for a long time. And if Chris found out, someone could have died kind of thing. And at a party once, my friend Snake, he walked in on Ray and this girl making out. And he was like, he was like, you know, he was dumbfounded. He couldn't believe it. And the first thing he wanted to do was go tell Chris because he wanted Chris' good friends. And they grabbed him and said, no, don't do it. I mean, this is going to be holy hell if he finds out. And Todd said, look, if you make out with me, I won't tell. I love this story. And she was like, are you high? And he's like, all right, I'm going back to the party. I'm going to go tell Chris. And they like stopped him and Ray said, make out with him.

1:00:33 Drew For how long? Did he keep going? Now I want you to do X, Y.

1:00:36 Adam No, no, they just made out. I mean, like tongues and everything while Ray stood there. I love that story.

1:00:43 Drew What kind of just garbage did you hang out with?

1:00:46 Adam That's good thinking. It's like thinking on the fly. And how often do you have a guy who's in love with a chick saying make out with him? Do it.

1:00:55 Drew Do it.

1:00:56 Adam Use your tongue.

1:00:57 Drew Except I can easily imagine Ray to do that. No problem.

1:01:01 Adam Alright. So anyway, you need to tell him yes. I agree with Drew. You need to say to him, look, it's time to ask or get off the pot.

1:01:09 Drew You have two weeks. You get it together. Let it be known.

1:01:12 Adam You need to ask her out.

1:01:13 Drew Yeah. And if it doesn't work out, let us have at it.

1:01:18 Adam And by the way, you're doing the guy a favor by telling him to get going with him.

1:01:22 Drew And you're doing the woman a favor too. She may be attracted to one of these guys and be wondering why they're not letting it be known.

1:01:29 Adam Thank you. All right. Let's speak to Sage who's 16. Sage?

1:01:33 Caller Hi. Hey. My friends and like my family are starting to suspect that I'm subconsciously like racist against man race or something.

1:01:44 Adam Your friends and your family are what?

1:01:46 Caller They're suggesting that subconsciously I may be like racist against man race or something.

1:01:52 Drew Why? What's happening?

1:01:53 Caller Because like most of my friends are like white and the guys I date are also white and stuff.

1:02:00 Drew You go to a school where you don't have a lot of opportunity to interact with African American. Are you African American?

1:02:04 Caller Yeah. I mean, because like they don't really like talk to me that much because, you know, I don't have a big butt or like I don't speak ebonics or something, you know.

1:02:14 Drew Those statements sound a little racist. They're a little angry at least.

1:02:17 Adam Well, you're black. You can say whatever you want.

1:02:19 Drew Yeah, but that's not like.

1:02:21 Adam That's the rule.

1:02:22 Drew I mean, she's got a little bit, a little bit of got a little energy there. Yeah, a little energy. It's not like, hey, they don't talk to me. I don't know. I just don't have a chance to meet them. I don't talk to them because I don't talk ebonics.

1:02:31 Caller No, it's really like that. I mean, like I'll say something and they'll kind of like look at me like, what is she saying? She's like kind of using higher addiction there.

1:02:41 Drew Maybe it's the way you're saying it that they feel sort of put off though.

1:02:45 Adam Well, listen, don't listen to Drew. You're more attracted to white guys than you are to black guys.

1:02:51 Caller Yeah, I don't like the gold teeth and stuff.

1:02:56 Adam Hold on a second. First off, not all of them have gold teeth. 25% of blacks don't have gold teeth. I just read something.

1:03:04 Caller I'm not saying that. No, it's just like, most of the guys feel like try to come up and talk to me very either, like, 30 and, you know, they, like, use the pickup lines, like, how are you doing or something?

1:03:18 Adam Mexicans have silver teeth, right? They don't have the gold teeth. Blacks have the gold teeth.

1:03:22 There ain't no racial bigotry here!

1:03:24 Drew But you wouldn't like any guy treating you like that, right?

1:03:27 Caller Yeah.

1:03:27 Drew That's not a race thing. But I'm just, what I want to probe into a little bit here is why every time she mentions black guys, immediately follows a dig. I mean, immediately.

1:03:37 Caller No, it's not like that, it's just like the guys, I'm not saying like, oh, black guys are like this, cause, you know, but like, the guys I've met, you know, Yeah. have been that way. I'm not gonna say stuff about people I don't even meet.

1:03:49 Adam Well, let me float this theory. Don't you think as trying to figure out a non-racial way to say this, but don't you think black guys are at the blackest when they're like 17, 18, and 19? Culturally. There's more like yo-yo-yo, and a 19-year-old black guy than there's a 40-year-old black guy?

1:04:10 Caller Well, more guys who come on to me are like in their early 30s and stuff.

1:04:17 Adam Oh, really?

1:04:18 Caller Yeah.

1:04:18 Adam Okay. Well, look, for whatever reason, you're not attracted to black guys, just like there's white guys who are only in the Asian chicks. I mean, everyone has kind of their preference. You know what I mean? I got a black friend who's only in the Asian chicks.

1:04:33 Drew Number one.

1:04:34 Adam He's totally screwed, by the way.

1:04:35 Drew Why?

1:04:36 Adam Because they're all come from that culture. They don't want to date them black guys.

1:04:39 Drew What's the Koreans?

1:04:40 Adam Making hard on himself. Are the Koreans? Well, he'll take anything.

1:04:43 Caller All right.

1:04:44 Adam Sage.

1:04:45 Caller Yeah.

1:04:46 Adam And so beside you not wanting to date them, are you saying things? I mean, your family's black, right?

1:04:52 Caller Yeah.

1:04:53 Adam Are you saying things in front of them?

1:04:55 Caller No, I'm not saying like, I'm not like a bigot or anything. It's just like my sister, she like dates like a lot of black guys and she has all these black friends and my friends are like Asian and white and stuff.

1:05:08 Adam Yeah, that's good. We got some diversity going there. I mean, I don't know. I think maybe you're thinking about it too much. The families.

1:05:16 Caller They just really shocked me when they said, I'm like, you're probably like racist. I mean, you don't go with black eyes or anything and stuff. You listen to this kind of music and look at the way you dress and stuff.

1:05:28 Adam What do you listen to?

1:05:29 Caller I listen to corn. Everybody listen to corn.

1:05:32 Adam Okay. Hey, listen to corn.

1:05:35 Drew Notice the acknowledgment to Adam Carolla.

1:05:39 Adam Let me float this. I don't like the premise or the theory that everyone's got to stick by their own race.

1:05:46 Drew No, I agree with you.

1:05:47 Adam I mean, I was just thinking about it the other day. There's millions and millions of white kids who listen to black music and that's what they're into. I mean, the executive producer of The Man Show, the guy's albino white. He only listens to like funk and soul. Who? Daniel Kelsons. All he listens to.

1:06:06 Drew That's comical though.

1:06:07 Adam Yeah, it is, but that's all he listens to. No one gives him a hard time.

1:06:11 Drew Now your theory is shot. People should stick to their own... Daniel is sort of... He's deserving, thinking about him.

1:06:19 Adam Plenty of white people like black music and most black people like black music. And you're a black chick who likes white music. So that's fine.

1:06:28 Caller I didn't know you could see music. I thought you could just hear it.

1:06:32 Drew This is a topic we could literally spin on this online. I said detectable energy in Sage. You need to examine what you're angry about and look at that.

1:06:44 Adam Well, let me ask you this. Do you have any... Do you like your dad?

1:06:49 Caller No.

1:06:50 Adam You don't? Okay, so there's a black male and there's an example of a black male you don't like and that's a very important black male in your life.

1:06:57 Drew They all then become like dad or you at least expect them to be like dad or expect them to make you feel the way your dad made you feel. Did your dad strike you or hit you?

1:07:05 Caller He used to sexually abuse me a lot.

1:07:08 Adam Okay.

1:07:09 Drew Well, there you go.

1:07:09 Adam Look, that's enough.

1:07:10 Drew Yeah.

1:07:11 Adam Do you know what I'm saying? But understand that may be where it's coming from, Sage.

1:07:16 Drew When you listen to this show, you hear how people, particularly when women dislike their fathers for various reasons, all men become dad. That's it.

1:07:25 Adam But look, what about this theory? Isn't this sort of how the human psyche works? You grow up, you get attacked by a German shepherd when you're three, you're scared of German shepherds. You don't like them.

1:07:35 Drew No. You become a veterinarian.

1:07:37 Adam Oh, shut up.

1:07:38 Drew It's true.

1:07:38 Adam Just go shut up.

1:07:39 Drew And then at nine, you're afraid of them.

1:07:41 Adam Oh, would you shut up and just go along with me? You get attacked by a German shepherd. You see a German shepherd coming down the street.

1:07:48 Drew You freak out.

1:07:49 Adam You get scared. OK. She was sexually abused by a black man who was her dad. Now she's a little freaked out by black guys. She doesn't want any part of them. I think that's natural. She needs to work. And I'll tell you what Sage needs to do. Date white guys all you want. Meanwhile, get a little therapy, not for the black part, but for the rape part, for the sexual abuse part. And I bet things slowly start to come into focus. Yes? All right. We'll take a little break. When we come back, we'll be back.

1:08:24 Caller We'll be right back. Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:09:01 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

1:09:07 Caller I'm just finishing my notes here.

1:09:09 Adam Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. What's happening there, Drew?

1:09:15 Drew This is hysterical. Let's go to this. Oh, it is? This question I've never heard on Loveline.

1:09:18 Adam Really?

1:09:19 Drew Yeah. Jason.

1:09:20 Adam Fifteen years, never heard it.

1:09:22 Hello, how are you doing?

1:09:23 Adam Go ahead.

1:09:24 All right, I'm twenty years old and I had never been to a strip club until about last week. And when I got there, of course, my friends made me get a lap dance. So I got a lap dance and just to let you know, first sight of this girl, she's like, pretty much the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life. And then I have her sitting there in front of me, just shaking her butt in my face and putting my face between her breasts. And I got to say, I pretty much fall in love and I can't stop thinking about her at all.

1:09:57 Drew So what's the question?

1:09:59 So I mean, is there any way to tell if like a stripper is actually into you or is it just she wants your money and then so give her your money?

1:10:06 Drew How do you tell if a stripper likes you?

1:10:10 Adam Well, they hang out, they'll hang out when they're off the clock with you.

1:10:15 Drew Well, they'll come find you?

1:10:17 Adam Yeah, I mean, they'll sit there. They'll let a song or two pass and they'll just sit there and chat with you if you're not feeding them money and you don't look like a high roller.

1:10:28 Okay.

1:10:29 Drew Otherwise they keep... Otherwise they keep asking.

1:10:30 Did that count if she gave you a lap dance and a couple of songs extra for free?

1:10:35 Drew No.

1:10:36 Adam You see, it's all very hard to tell with the strippers because they're a diabolical breed. Their whole job... See, basically, like, you know how a car salesman's job is to have you believe that you trust him?

1:10:51 Drew Yeah.

1:10:52 Adam Like where he puts his arm around you and goes, Look, I don't normally do this for guys, but you seem like a pretty good guy and I'm going to level with you. And then he gives you a whole big line of BS about how you have to buy the Winther Zinc protection for another 1400 bucks and all that nonsense. Strippers are experts at making each and every guy feel special. You know what I'm saying? And they think that way they can bilk more money out of them.

1:11:16 Drew They can.

1:11:16 Adam Now, on the other hand, Jason, I as a civilian, not the superstar, genius, sage, millionaire, literally millionaire Adam Carolla that you guys all hear now on your radio, I as a civilian picked up a stripper and made her my girlfriend.

1:11:35 Drew How did you do that?

1:11:37 Adam I went back to the same club.

1:11:39 Drew How many times?

1:11:40 Adam Oh, not like 4500 or something like that.

1:11:46 Drew I just went to. Would you ask for her?

1:11:48 Adam Some days I didn't go afternoons, I just went in the evening.

1:11:51 Drew Did you just ask for her?

1:11:53 Adam I went there and went there and went there. Her stage name was Catlin. I'd always announce to my buddies, let's go for a cat scan, I'd always say.

1:12:04 Drew They must have thought, Corolla, you are so lame. You are so pathetic.

1:12:08 Adam I dug her, she was hot. And we went over there and actually, one of my friends who is now divorced but for his bachelor party, we went there and I got a ride home from her and, you know.

1:12:20 Drew That was like the 400th time you were there?

1:12:21 Adam Yeah, yeah. So Jason.

1:12:24 Yeah.

1:12:25 Adam The important thing is, is the strippers deal with a lot of maniacs. A lot of guys they're scared of. All right.

1:12:31 Well, here's.

1:12:32 Adam So you got to show up time and time again and let her know you're safe.

1:12:36 That's the same though.

1:12:37 I actually have shown up a couple of times. I actually became friends with the doorman. He was friends with her. And one night, we actually, all of us, a bunch of strippers and I and the doorman, we went to Denny's and Ace. And since then, I've been having her call me, saying if I'm going to go to the club. Now, is that she's calling me to go to the club to throw down some more money?

1:12:59 Adam Hold on a second. You've been having her call you or she's been calling you?

1:13:04 She'll call me to see if I'm going to the club. Not like, hey, do you want to go do something sometime? It's, hey, are you going to be at the club tonight? Because I'm going to be there.

1:13:14 Adam Are you a real good looking guy?

1:13:17 I wouldn't say I'm ugly, but I wouldn't say I'm really good looking.

1:13:20 Drew Why just that?

1:13:21 Adam Have you slept with many women?

1:13:24 Yeah.

1:13:25 Adam You have?

1:13:26 Yes.

1:13:27 Adam Now, why is it a guy who's closed as many deals as you've closed, can't close a deal on a stripper who's calling him at home?

1:13:35 Caller It seems a little awkward to me.

1:13:38 Adam How many women have you slept with?

1:13:40 Caller Five.

1:13:41 Adam There's not a whole lot of closing going on there, but that's alright.

1:13:45 Caller Well, I've done my fair share of seducing without actually having sex.

1:13:49 Adam What do you mean, like third base?

1:13:51 Drew Yeah.

1:13:53 Adam I'm trying to figure out. Here's what I'm trying to figure out about Jason. He sounds a little spazzy on the phone, yet he's no stranger to the ladies, and he's picked up a few in his day. He's already weaseled his way into this stripper's life, and somehow she's calling him at home. I'm not sure if I believe it, but let's just say why he can't pick it up from that point?

1:14:14 Drew Some of these women are very disturbed, and so he may be sort of-

1:14:16 Adam How dare you?

1:14:18 Drew Listen, there's a lot of personality pathology there, and he may be picking up on that and not figuring out how to do it.

1:14:25 Adam She's just trying to get through college. Jason, the next time she calls you, you ask her if she wants to go out and get a cup of coffee when she gets off.

1:14:37 Drew What if she says, oh yeah, me and my friends are planning to do that. We'll see.

1:14:42 Adam You just keep working it. You've got to get her outside of that club and you've got to get her alone.

1:14:47 Caller Well, that's also hard because she also has a kid.

1:14:51 Adam Yeah, does she have to go right home after that?

1:14:54 Caller I don't know. I haven't really talked to her on a personal basis much, except for when I'm at the club.

1:14:59 Adam How does the part go where she's calling you at home, though?

1:15:03 Caller Well, because we were at Denny's, I gave her my number and said, you can call me if you ever want to hang out.

1:15:08 Adam And you didn't call her?

1:15:10 Caller No, I don't do that. I don't take, I don't get girl's phone numbers. I do it the other way where I get my phone number.

1:15:17 Adam Yeah, I'm that way too because you know what? I got a chick's phone number once. Next thing you know, I was getting a blowjob. I learned a valuable lesson. No more getting numbers from chicks. I don't know. I'm at the point where I don't even answer the phone. Could be a chick calling. Smart, smart move, shrewd.

1:15:34 Drew We've had a whole rash of callers.

1:15:36 Caller I don't know what they're special rules.

1:15:39 Adam Listen, are you an expert or are you a novice? Because you're telling me both. You know, you got this stripper calling you. Next time she calls, you say, Yep, I'm coming in. Here's what you do. I'm coming into the club, but I'm coming in a little bit late. So how about I swing by, get a lap dance or two, and then we'll go out, get a cup of coffee afterward. All right? That's it. All right. Believe me, she's got the kid, she's working in the strip club. There's some baggage there.

1:16:06 Drew Yeah, that's the point. He may be picking up on that, not knowing quite what to do with it.

1:16:10 Adam No, he's not picking up on that. He's trying to make a move on her and he can't figure it out.

1:16:16 Drew Because of the stuff she's putting out.

1:16:18 Adam She's sending mixed messages? Not that she's sending scary messages?

1:16:22 Drew Right. It's just an awkward situation. She may not know whether to exploit or not this guy. You know what I mean? She may be spending tons of money at the club and she's like come on in.

1:16:35 Adam I hate those dicks with that. I don't get their number policy. I give out mine. Makes me feel like an idiot.

1:16:42 Caller You know what I mean?

1:16:43 Drew By the way, that basically means you're just too scared to call someone.

1:16:47 Adam Stacy?

1:16:49 Yeah?

1:16:49 Adam You're 24? What's up?

1:16:52 I wanted to ask Dr. Drew a question about hepatitis. Back in October I was diagnosed with hepatitis B. And I was wondering how bad is it actually on your liver to drink alcohol?

1:17:06 Drew Do you still have it?

1:17:08 Yeah, it doesn't go away.

1:17:09 Drew So you have chronic B. Not acute B, but chronic B.

1:17:14 I don't know. I don't know the difference between the two.

1:17:16 Drew One goes away and the other doesn't.

1:17:19 Adam Is it acute mean goes away?

1:17:20 Drew Acute means sudden and, you know, intense.

1:17:23 Adam They kind of use it as sudden and intense. They don't use it to go away.

1:17:26 Drew Well, it means it could... Chronic means it persists.

1:17:28 Adam All right.

1:17:29 Well, the doctor said it was not going to go away.

1:17:32 Drew You have B, not C. Is that right?

1:17:35 Right. I have B.

1:17:36 Drew All right. The people that get cirrhosis with chronic viral hepatitis are the ones that drink. Period. So if you want cirrhosis and you want liver cancer, keep using alcohol.

1:17:46 Adam How much can she drink?

1:17:47 Drew None.

1:17:48 None?

1:17:50 Drew How did you get hepatitis B? Just out of curiosity.

1:17:53 I'm not sure. I believe I got it from a tattoo.

1:17:56 Drew You never tried IV drugs?

1:17:58 No.

1:17:58 Drew Never slept with an IV drug user?

1:18:00 Caller No.

1:18:02 No. And I've had the same boyfriend for a little over a year and a half. And he's been tested and he doesn't have it. I'm on depo vera, so we have sex without condoms.

1:18:14 Drew Are you starting to practice safe sex now or do you get him the vaccine?

1:18:17 No. He got the vaccine. He's all done with that. We used condoms after I was diagnosed until he was done with his shot.

1:18:25 Adam Drew, what's the liver doctor called?

1:18:28 Drew The hepatologist?

1:18:30 Adam Hepatologist. May I talk to you? No drinking at all?

1:18:33 Drew No drinking.

1:18:34 Adam Let me say this, Drew. I run into it with the cigarette smokes, you know. I've cut back on cigarettes. I don't smoke that much. I don't do the man show. I don't smoke during the day now. You know what I don't like? And this is a medical thing. I always see it as it pertains to cigarettes, but it does to booze sometimes too. Somehow, in the medical community, you can definitely make the distinction between a guy who eats a steak once or twice a week or has a chili burger once or twice a week and a guy who is living off of junk food. There is a difference. We talk about a guy's diet. You let any patient of yours slip up a little bit once in a while. He has a generally good diet. But if the guy is living over derwiener schnitzel, you are going to say something. Now the thing about cigarettes I have always found out, I have always found, medical people, whatever. You say to somebody, look, I smoke five ultra light cigarettes. It's bad. You have to quit. Listen, there are guys who smoke three packs of Marlboro Reds. Same thing. Now I don't think they believe you is what it is. But if this girl, but it's always the same rap. It's like, no, no, no, no, no, you can't do it. No, you got to quit, got to quit.

1:19:58 Drew Nicotine, it's risk for different things at different intensity of use. Any use of nicotine can put your risk for vascular disease, any. If you want the lung cancer and the emphysema, you got to smoke the three packs a day.

1:20:08 Adam Right.

1:20:09 Drew But you smoke one cigarette a day, you're putting yourself at risk for heart disease.

1:20:12 Adam You're putting yourself at risk. But as as big a risk as if you smoke another 19 of them in that day?

1:20:18 Drew Probably not.

1:20:19 Adam I know. But why? Why so hard with that? Why is it like the same?

1:20:23 Drew Yeah.

1:20:23 Adam Why is every doctor's? I know you smoke one. Now you might as well, you might as well just get a job at Philip Morris testing cigarettes. No, it's no different. Why? What's so different about the goddamn cigarettes than anything else? I mean, like I said, if you said, look, I ate one, I ate a chili dog. They'll be like, all right, I ate 20 chili dogs. They'd be a big difference. Right? I mean, she has a liver problem. She drinks a glass of wine. That's bad. She drinks a bottle of wine. That's bad. It's real bad. Right?

1:20:52 Drew Yeah.

1:20:52 Adam But why do we got to get into that? Just none because because we don't believe them with the glass, the one glass.

1:20:58 Drew There is that issue. Sure.

1:20:59 Adam That's my theory. Nobody believes it.

1:21:01 Drew Yeah. Well, let's see if you had chronic hepatitis, you wouldn't be thinking about drinking. You'd be like, oh, Christ, I got to figure out a way to make sure that I've got cirrhosis here and we look at people that get cirrhosis. They all use alcohol. The risks of cirrhosis go up astronomically when you use alcohol, whatever that means.

1:21:15 Adam We'll take ourselves a little break. I'm going to yell more drew about this off the air and we'll be right back.

1:21:21 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:21:51 Caller Yeah.

1:21:53 Adam Yeah. Drew dropped a good gas bomb in here during the break. Bad times over here. Usually my first line of defense is taking my T-shirt and putting the crew neck right around the nose and breathing some of my own scent and using the filtration that is woven into the natural cotton fibers. But I'm wearing a goddamn polyester button up shirt and it's worthless.

1:22:19 Drew You've been wearing that shirt since the Man Show wrap party. How long have the Man Show been wrapped?

1:22:26 Adam Just let me, we're going to take the calls.

1:22:28 Drew How long?

1:22:29 Adam Three weeks. Let me give everyone some insight into how lazy I am. Do you know why I've been wearing this shirt every night?

1:22:36 Drew Because you're lazy.

1:22:38 Adam Yes, because I live in a house that has an upstairs and a downstairs.

1:22:44 Drew Oh my God.

1:22:45 Adam And this shirt has remained downstairs. And when it comes time to get dressed to do the show, I'm so lazy, I don't want to walk upstairs. So I get whatever's downstairs is whatever I wear. That's why I'm wearing shorts. I never wear shorts. These happen to me downstairs. That is how lazy I am. David?

1:23:06 Yeah?

1:23:06 Adam You're 15. What's up?

1:23:08 Caller Me and my girlfriend have been going out for about a year now. And she is becoming friends with a guy. And they've known each other for a while. And there was probably some attraction right before we went out. And I'm wondering if it's OK to be jealous or be uneasy about that.

1:23:32 Adam How do you know there was attraction?

1:23:34 Caller Because she told me.

1:23:35 Drew What do you mean they're talking?

1:23:37 Caller I mean they're like becoming closer and closer friends.

1:23:42 Drew What you're sensing is what his motivation is. And you know he's sort of got the eye of the tiger going a little bit, right?

1:23:48 Caller Yeah.

1:23:48 Drew And do you trust her if she told you that she's not?

1:23:50 Adam Hold on. Drew has the ass of the hippo going tonight. He's farting up this whole studio. I would be worried about this, David.

1:24:01 Drew It's just a little disrespectful of her in terms of protecting your feelings. However, isn't this just what 15, 16, 17 year olds do?

1:24:08 Caller Yes.

1:24:09 Drew They're really busy trying to gratify themselves and gird some esteem and validation.

1:24:13 Adam Well, you know what they do, it just struck me. You spend your whole childhood pushing your parents, seeing how much they'll take, and then you go right from that to your boyfriend or girlfriend. You start pushing on them to see when they'll snap, how much they'll take.

1:24:28 Caller And I don't want to do that, it's just like...

1:24:29 Drew No, she's doing that to you.

1:24:31 Caller Oh, well...

1:24:32 Adam Well, what do you mean she's moving along with this guy?

1:24:37 Caller It's not that she's moving along, it's just like, they're becoming friends, and I trust her completely, I'm not like, I'm not worried about her cheating on me or anything, I'm worried about like...

1:24:47 Drew Him...

1:24:47 Caller .her becoming attracted to him and then them leaving me.

1:24:52 Adam Do you know the guy at all?

1:24:54 Caller Oh yeah, I know him like pretty well, I guess.

1:24:56 Adam Yeah, is he a charming guy?

1:24:58 Caller Uh, yeah.

1:24:58 Adam Would you blow him? Be honest.

1:25:01 Caller Uh, I might.

1:25:02 Adam Yeah, me too. Okay. I think you should have a little talk with her.

1:25:08 Caller Okay.

1:25:09 Adam And here's how you do it. Not that women respond to any kind of logic. No, no, no, you say, you say this, seriously, you drew you another one go or no, you hurt your neck on your last one.

1:25:19 Drew How painful that age is 15, 16. That was you. No, don't, don't start me.

1:25:27 Adam We don't start you. You started. You drew first blood, man. Hey, David.

1:25:32 Drew Yeah.

1:25:33 Adam What have you said to her? Look, I understand you guys are friends and so on and so forth. But imagine if there was a young lady who is attractive. I told you I was attracted to who I now was sort of pursuing a friendship with. Wouldn't that make you uncomfortable? I mean, it's not a great feeling. Steve, bring it up there. Flip-flop it that way. Don't start yelling at her.

1:25:56 Drew Is she giving you any of this though, you know, you're being too uptight, I want to be with my friends, this kind of thing?

1:26:01 Caller No, she doesn't do that. I mean, really like.

1:26:03 Adam Okay, do the old flip-flop. Pick one of her hot friends and use her as an example. One?

1:26:12 Yeah.

1:26:12 Adam You're 25?

1:26:14 Caller Yeah.

1:26:15 Adam What's up?

1:26:17 Caller Well, actually, I wanted to make a comment about Sage, you know, about as far as her dislike in black male.

1:26:25 Adam Right.

1:26:26 Caller That have cornrows and stuff like that.

1:26:29 Adam Right.

1:26:29 Caller Can't really judge a book by its cover.

1:26:31 Adam Right.

1:26:32 Caller That is enough. We already catch hell. I mean, I don't know if I'm allowed to say that.

1:26:36 Adam Yeah, you can.

1:26:37 Caller Okay, we catch hell as it is. But also she should remember that as a black woman, she's mother of creation first. And that she won't, she won't, because she don't take the hatred out of her heart. She'll wind up becoming just like what she hates. Because she didn't forgive.

1:26:59 Drew Right. Because she thinks she should forgive her father for what happened to her, as we were saying.

1:27:03 Caller Exactly. And at the same time, also remember just because your father done that to you, doesn't necessarily mean that someone else will, you know. Yeah.

1:27:14 Adam But that's all rational thought.

1:27:17 Caller Yeah.

1:27:17 Adam I mean, and you're right on paper, but this is a girl that was traumatized sexually by her father, and that's burned into her psyche. And she's a young woman, and she's not worked those issues out yet. So she still has, she's still being driven by that energy.

1:27:33 Drew But you know, just like you had an analogy with a German Shepherd walking up after a three-year-old was bitten by the dog, you know, Juan's making the point that, you know, walk up and pet the dogs, and you know, know that some of them are okay.

1:27:45 Adam You're saying black men are dogs?

1:27:46 Drew No, relax. And Juan, it sounds like a nice guy, and wants to remind her that there are some decent guys out there, and be open to it. And that's appropriate.

1:27:54 Adam Juan is right, but you know, and I don't want to play devil's advocate here, but it's so hard to talk away things that people feel, especially when they're young. And that's why she needs to do some work on herself.

1:28:09 Caller Yeah, but not going to no psychiatrist, they just, it's crazy. In order to be a psychiatrist, you got to be crazy yourself.

1:28:16 Adam I do agree with that, but this is a person that was severely traumatized, and she needs, whatever it is, whether it's going to a shrink or joining a group or something, she needs to hash out those feelings.

1:28:30 Caller She needs God first.

1:28:32 Adam All right. Well, God first.

1:28:34 Caller Yeah.

1:28:35 Adam And especially if God tells her to go to the shrink.

1:28:39 Caller No, I doubt that.

1:28:41 Adam All right. All right, Juan. What's up with all the black guys named Juan, by the way? You know, there's like an inordinate amount of black guys named Juan?

1:28:51 Drew No. There's Juan.

1:28:52 Adam There's a lot of Juan, a lot of black Juan guys. When did they become a black name? I thought that was a Mexican name there.

1:29:04 Drew Mexican?

1:29:05 Adam Mexican. Oh, I see. Brooke?

1:29:09 Caller Yeah.

1:29:10 Adam You're nine, thirteen. What's up?

1:29:13 Caller Well, I have this like really strange death fetish. Like whenever I masturbate, I can't get off unless I am, I like think about killing the person that I'm thinking of being with, you know?

1:29:23 Drew Oh, how interesting.

1:29:23 Adam Perfectly normal. Perfectly healthy.

1:29:26 Drew She's a black widow spider, right? She has sex with him and eats him. Like a praying mantis.

1:29:32 Caller Yeah, I like this thing where I like, or I get like fantasized about ripping their heart out and like eating it. It's like really strange.

1:29:39 Drew Wow.

1:29:40 Caller Most of the time, I like think, I have like this huge obsession with like Corrin and Jonathan Davis. I usually think about doing it with him and then like flitting his throat and then it's like really strange.

1:29:50 Drew I'm sure he's very, very pleased with these preoccupations.

1:29:53 Adam Yeah, that's why they have security. Yeah. Well, what happened to you? Anything?

1:30:00 Caller No, not that I can remember. I mean, I haven't had anybody close to me like die or anything.

1:30:04 Adam We ever get physically abused?

1:30:07 Caller I remember one incident when I was like four with my dad.

1:30:10 Caller What happened?

1:30:12 Caller Me and my brother were like laughing upstairs, and then he came up and told me to just shut up, and then we kept on laughing. And then he came up, and he grabbed me by my arm, and he threw me down the stairs, and then threw me out the door. And then my mom came back out and got me, and kicked my dad out. And then he came back, and he was better and everything. But I think he had an alcohol problem or something.

1:30:35 Adam Well, it's starting to come together.

1:30:36 Drew Yeah, and there's some theories that wanting to destroy the things that you connect with or love is the result of envy. That you soil it by getting it, by having it, and then you have to destroy it because it's been soiled by being connected with you.

1:30:51 Adam Eating hard, though.

1:30:52 Caller Yeah, I mean, I've had a lot of problems lately.

1:30:55 Adam All right.

1:30:55 Caller Like depression and cutting myself and stuff.

1:30:58 Drew This is all part of that whole process.

1:31:00 Caller And it's just like, I just think it's really strange.

1:31:03 Adam And I had a fantasy once that I raped a donut and then ate it.

1:31:08 Caller But that's a little different.

1:31:10 Adam That's different.

1:31:10 Drew A little softer core.

1:31:11 Caller Yeah, a little bit different.

1:31:12 Caller Yeah.

1:31:13 Drew Are you getting treatment? You're stable?

1:31:16 Caller No.

1:31:17 Caller I'm kind of just like, I have an older brother and a younger sister. So I'm kind of like, I've always been like the really kind of for, I've never had any problems really. So my parents really never like, they always kind of just thought I was like this really independent person.

1:31:34 Drew Well, now, but it sounds like you're getting some problems, yes?

1:31:37 Caller Yeah. But I mean, I don't feel comfortable talking to them about it.

1:31:40 Drew What if you went to Al-Anon?

1:31:42 Caller Huh?

1:31:42 Drew What if you went to Alatine, something like that, a place with other teenagers who have similar-

1:31:46 Caller Well, that's what I've been trying to do. Like I called a few nights ago and they told me they could dial this like 1-800-SUICIDE-THING and I tried that and stuff. But I mean, they told me to tell my parents and everything.

1:31:54 Drew Tell me the hotline number. Who told you that?

1:31:57 Caller Someone there. I'm not sure who it was.

1:31:58 Drew Hold on a second. I'm going to get you an alatein.

1:32:00 Adam Talk to her off the air, would you?

1:32:02 Brooke?

1:32:03 Adam Brooke?

1:32:03 Caller Yeah?

1:32:04 Adam Hang on a second. I'm just going to give you some numbers off the air, okay?

1:32:08 Caller Okay.

1:32:08 Adam Call those numbers. Meanwhile, see if you can go vegan so you don't eat any guy's hearts after you have sex with him. And don't get pregnant.

1:32:17 Caller Okay.

1:32:18 Adam Don't get strung out on smacks.

1:32:19 Drew I have a number for you. It's 818-760-7122. 818-760-7122. It's the whole referral for Alatine for you.

1:32:28 Adam All right. That's local?

1:32:29 Drew Yeah.

1:32:30 Adam She's calling from Claremont.

1:32:31 Drew That's the most local phone I've got there.

1:32:34 Adam All right. We'll take a break.

1:33:08 Drew Hey. Hey.

1:33:09 Adam Thank you.

1:33:10 Drew Here we go.

1:33:11 Adam That's it.

1:33:12 Drew Shocking.

1:33:13 Adam Fantabulous. This is it for the week, right? We're wrapped up.

1:33:17 Drew Next week. Afro Man.

1:33:19 Adam That's right.

1:33:19 Drew Kevin Smith.

1:33:20 Adam Oh, yes. From Silent Bob and Silent Bob and J. Strike Back, a movie I think I used to be in.

1:33:28 Drew Used to be.

1:33:29 Adam I think he may have cut me out of it.

1:33:31 Drew That's so funny.

1:33:33 Adam That's funny. We'll have to get back. Oh, but don't worry, I made no money on it. It was one of these things. It's like, hey, you want to do this movie? Yeah. How much? No pay, but it's great exposure. Okay, go down. Hey, you've been cut out of it. All right, where's the pay now? I'm going to ask Kevin Smith where the pay is when we see him next week. So until next time. Oh, I want to thank producer Ann for putting her Feminine Stink on the show and do a wonderful job as always. I want to thank Damien for getting pretty close to getting fired midweek, but really making a come back later on. And of course, Anderson, who just never stops weaving the magic behind that board. Ann will be gone all next week and sorely missed. So until next time. And I bet you if he didn't tell me he was gone, I wouldn't have noticed until Wednesday. This is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying Mahalo.

1:34:25 Caller But also she should remember that as a black woman, she's mother of creation.

1:34:30 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, August 9, 2001