Episode 1000754887015

1:01 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:14 Voiceover Hey, everybody, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. He's here to help you, kiddies. No guests tonight, by the way. Mix Master Michael will be in here tomorrow night. Is that a Beastie Boy? No. Where's he from?

1:35 Drew Forget it. Don't. You'll kill yourself. Stop.

1:38 Adam I know. I know that name. I just don't know where he's from.

1:41 He worked a lot with the Beastie Boys.

1:42 Adam I worked a lot with the Beastie Boys.

1:44 Drew I was impressed that we're going to have a guest who we don't know and haven't prepared for.

1:48 Adam Well, I said Beastie Boy and he's worked a lot with the Beastie Boys, so that's where I know him from. So that ain't too far off the target. How dare you, Drew?

1:57 Drew You doing okay?

1:58 Adam I'm doing great. I had a good day. I went to Sears and dropped 700 bucks on hand tools. Oh, yes.

2:04 Drew I didn't know there were hand tools you didn't have.

2:08 Adam There are, apparently. The big, oversized, novelty wrenches, the kind that...

2:13 Drew Like a cartoon, like over pipes and things?

2:16 Adam Remember in Speed Racer where Pops Racer would get into a fight and he'd hit the guy over the head?

2:21 Drew Yes.

2:21 Adam That kind of wrench.

2:22 Drew Got it. Got it.

2:22 Adam Weapon-type monkey wrenches. Crazy stuff. Jack stands and magnetic trays and calipers. And yeah, I just go nuts. That's what I do. I put on a pair of shorts. I go down to Sears at noon. I drop 700 bucks on tools.

2:38 Drew That's a good thing you can't get. You know, it is really good that you can't get around the internet.

2:42 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Think about that.

2:44 Drew Damaging.

2:45 Adam Michelle?

2:45 Yes.

2:46 Adam You're 19?

2:47 Caller Yes.

2:47 Adam What's up?

2:49 Caller My boyfriend has been going out for four months now. He goes so fast. He gets it.

2:57 Adam He gets it?

2:58 Drew You mean he moves quickly?

2:59 Caller What? No. I mean, not really.

3:02 He just gets it so fast.

3:03 Caller Like tonight, I haven't seen him in like a week and a half. And then he came up here to see me at college. And he just got it in less than five seconds.

3:15 Drew This must be some sort of George and Frey is getting it.

3:17 Caller Yeah.

3:18 Adam Listen, we do a show where we talk to screwed up teens throughout the nation every night. And we never hear he gets it. Meaning he comes in five minutes?

3:28 Caller Yes. Exactly.

3:30 Drew Five minutes or five seconds?

3:32 Adam Five seconds.

3:32 Drew Did you say you haven't seen each other for a year and a half?

3:34 Adam No. A week and a half.

3:35 A week and a half.

3:37 Adam All right.

3:38 Caller I don't know what to do because it's making me so mad.

3:41 Adam And it's been this way your entire relationship?

3:45 Caller Actually, at the beginning of the relationship, it wasn't that bad.

3:49 Drew Don't you love that about women? She's got this problem. He goes quickly. She gets angry but doesn't tell him.

3:56 Caller Oh, no. He knows. I think it's funny personally. And then he gets mad because he said this has never happened. And he's had like a serious girlfriend before. And this has never happened.

4:05 Drew Well, you know, humiliating a guy always helps.

4:07 Caller But don't...

4:08 I know.

4:09 Drew Wait, who else is on the phone?

4:11 Caller Nobody. People are calling my cell phone. OK.

4:13 Adam OK. Don't you take it as somewhat of a compliment, though?

4:17 Caller Yes, I do. But then again, I just wish that... I mean, I have gotten an orgasm with him.

4:23 Adam Oh, yeah?

4:24 Caller Yeah, I want...

4:24 Adam How'd you do that?

4:26 Caller How did I?

4:27 Adam Yeah.

4:27 Caller Whenever I'm on top.

4:28 Adam I see.

4:29 Caller That's the only way I can get it.

4:31 Adam OK. And so have you worked with him constructively on this instead of, you know, just laughing at him or critiquing his penis?

4:38 Caller No, because I have no idea what to do. And we've tried a condom, but now that I'm on birth control, I'm just like, we don't need a condom.

4:44 Adam Does he give you oral sex?

4:46 Caller I don't like that.

4:47 Adam Ooh.

4:47 Caller Yeah.

4:48 Adam Really?

4:48 Drew Interesting.

4:49 Adam You got a sister?

4:50 Drew Yes. She does.

4:52 Adam Really? Younger? Yeah? Like what? 14?

4:56 Caller 17.

4:57 Mm-hmm.

4:58 Adam Just missed it by a year and a half.

5:00 What?

5:00 Caller What does that mean?

5:01 Adam No, it's all right. I just missed my cutoff. I was looking for more 14, 15.

5:05 Oh.

5:06 Adam I see. Why don't you like oral sex?

5:08 Caller I don't know.

5:09 Adam Because it doesn't give you a chance to complain about anything?

5:12 Caller I don't. I just don't like it.

5:14 Adam Hold on. Michelle, you must be very attractive. You are, right?

5:19 Caller I guess so, yeah.

5:20 Adam Because, man, are you a bitch. You are so bitchy. My God, what a pain in the ass you are. The only reason people tolerate you is because you're good-looking.

5:29 Caller Exactly.

5:30 Adam I really mean it. You must know that on some level. Yeah, you'll never strike up a relationship over the phone. You have to be in person, preferably with loud music playing. All right, baby. So why are you so, I understand your boyfriend's a piece of work and he's no good sexually, but you sound a little hostile, a little angry.

5:51 Yeah.

5:52 Adam What's up?

5:53 I don't know. I just wish that I could have fun with it too.

5:56 Drew I mean, what we're getting at is.

5:58 Adam You understand it. I'm sorry for cutting you off, Drew, but shut up. You act as if he's doing it intentionally.

6:05 Caller No, I know he's not.

6:07 Adam He's not. He's very excited to be with you. He's a young guy. What is he? 1920? He's 20 years old. He has not gained self-control and he can't help himself.

6:20 Caller Why didn't he do this with his other girlfriend?

6:22 Adam Well, first off, he's just saying that. I mean, guys always say that. This has never happened before.

6:27 Drew Secondly, the anxiety-

6:28 What are you being serious, I think?

6:29 Drew Well, first of all, perhaps you again should be-

6:31 Adam So what is he doing? Punishing you with his semen? What do you think he's doing? You think he's doing it intentionally?

6:37 Caller No.

6:38 Adam Well, then what are you getting at?

6:40 Caller I'm just wondering what he can do to stop it.

6:44 Drew Oof.

6:44 Adam Man, you must be so hot. Man, you must be good looking.

6:50 Drew Listen, there's two things we need to get at here. One is, this is supposed to be somebody you care a good deal about.

6:56 Caller Right.

6:57 Drew Why would you be so hostile and nasty to a guy that you supposedly care about?

7:01 Caller I'm not, though.

7:02 Drew I'm just wondering what he can do. You are, okay? Secondly, what he can do about it, I mean, he needs to learn how to sort of master himself. And you literally probably- Adam has a theory about this in terms of moving billets from the chamber kind of thing.

7:14 Adam Yeah, maybe he could masturbate a half hour before sex.

7:17 Drew Or more. Whatever he needs to do to sort of get this under control, he needs to do that.

7:21 Caller Right.

7:22 Drew But in the meantime, why would you be in a relationship with someone that you care so little about that if they don't sort of engage in the sort of manner in which you wish that you immediately sort of break down into hostility?

7:35 Caller Well, I mean, no, I would never break up with him just because he does that.

7:39 Drew No, she doesn't get it at all.

7:40 Adam All right. Now, how about you let him go down on you, too, because that's when you start the sexual clout.

7:45 Drew Some women don't like that. I know, Adam, that's hard for you to believe.

7:47 Adam Well, women that want to bitch don't like it because it gives them nothing to bitch about.

7:50 Drew Hey, think.

7:52 Adam Why don't you like that, Michelle?

7:53 Caller I just do not like it. I know I cannot get an orgasm. I just couldn't.

7:59 Adam I know, but you couldn't even enjoy it?

8:01 Caller No.

8:02 Drew There is a subset of them that find it uncomfortable. Too intense.

8:05 Adam Yeah. Where's dad? You like your dad?

8:08 Drew No. This is what we're getting at, is that your hostility towards men in general just comes bleeding through here.

8:14 Yeah.

8:14 Caller Well, my last relationship was really bad.

8:16 Drew Where's your dad?

8:19 He's at home with my mom.

8:20 Adam What's wrong with him?

8:24 Caller Last year, I dated a guy that he didn't want me to date, and I got caught, and I got in really big trouble, and I lied to him about a whole lot of stuff in my dad doesn't put up with that.

8:33 Adam All right. Well, look, here's the deal with your boyfriend. Just don't put the screws to him so much. Work with him a little bit. Look at this as a problem that it will behoove you if you can overcome this problem and you're not going to overcome it by criticizing him. Okay? Right. Just take it slow. Remember you're with the guy because you love him.

8:53 Drew He wants to please you probably.

8:54 Adam Hop on top, and this guy's probably a mess. He's 20. He's got this hot looking chick with a bullhorn for her mouth and he doesn't know what to do. He's freaked out so his gun just goes off. He panics.

9:07 Oh yeah.

9:08 Adam She's lucky he can get it up at all.

9:11 Drew That's going to be the next problem.

9:12 Adam Okay. Just him beat off like an hour before he comes over.

9:16 Drew Then he's going to start having the erectile problem.

9:18 Adam I'll tell you. I'm never better sexually than when I'm with a woman like this.

9:22 Drew Why?

9:22 Adam Because I slide into vengeance mode.

9:24 Drew Punishment?

9:26 Adam Yeah. Who's boss now, honey? That's right. A little slap on the ass. You like that, don't you? Oh, you don't? Yeah. Well, here's another. Alyssa? Yeah. You're 20?

9:37 Caller Yep.

9:38 Adam You're a female?

9:40 Yes, I am.

9:41 Adam All right. What's up?

9:42 My best friend is paralyzed from the chest down to the T6.

9:47 Drew What happened?

9:48 She was in a car accident and her boyfriend jerked the wheel and they rolled off into a field nine times and he was ejected and died. She's paralyzed now. Awful.

9:57 Drew Okay.

10:01 She went down and had a surgery to correct her back in May and since she came back, she gets real shaky and she zoned out, she can't talk, she can't eat, she can't even hold the fork sometimes. I had to feed her last night and she had an EEG done. They said everything was normal and they can't seem to figure out what's wrong with her. Wow.

10:23 Drew That's wild. Any kind of medication she's taking now?

10:27 I'm not sure what kind of medication she's taking, but could it be from not eating and taking medicine?

10:33 Drew Just more could be from the medication. I don't know quite what that would be. I mean, the spinal cord injury shouldn't affect the function of her brain.

10:42 Because she's been taking the same medication for two years now and it's just here recently that she's starting to act like it.

10:51 Drew Is this your girlfriend?

10:53 No, this is my best friend.

10:55 Adam How old is she?

10:56 She's 20.

10:57 Adam She's 20. She's paralyzed. First off, should she be for this stem cell research by the way?

11:05 Drew Yeah.

11:05 Adam All right. Number two, can a young woman who's paralyzed like this, 10 years from now, 20 years from now, can she look forward to having some use at some point?

11:16 Drew I don't think so.

11:17 Adam Why not?

11:19 Drew That's science fiction at this point.

11:20 Adam Really?

11:21 Drew Oh, yeah.

11:22 Adam A lot of stuff medically was science fiction 20 years ago.

11:25 Drew When it comes to the central nervous system, when you lose those connections, those cells are gone. They're dead. It's over.

11:31 Adam Drew, you should write greeting cards.

11:33 Drew I would like to.

11:34 Adam Well, I mean-

11:35 Drew Sorry, it's over. Dead, gone.

11:37 Adam Bad news, Gimpo. Get used to it.

11:39 Drew No, this is the thing that I struggle with people when they have strokes. So they have spinal cord injuries. I go, how long is this going to last?

11:45 Adam You're dealing with Jews that are 170 years old. This is a 20-year-old woman.

11:49 Drew They're the ones that have spinal cord injuries, though.

11:51 Adam They're working very hard on this technology. You don't think 20 years from now, they're going to get something going?

11:58 Drew No.

11:58 Adam Yeah, they will. Listen, I know more than Drew does, believe you me. Believe you me, they'll be fine.

12:04 Are you sure about that one?

12:06 Adam Yes.

12:06 Drew I would be shocked. I mean, I really would be blown away if they get 20 years come up with that kind of, I mean, that's.

12:12 Adam Yeah. Long time. Hey, so anyway, Drew, what should you do?

12:17 Drew You keep the work up going. I don't know what this is. Seizure is a good thought.

12:21 They thought that was it, but now that they've said that that's not it.

12:24 Drew Well, they may still could be seizure. Sometimes they put a 24-hour EEG monitor. That's sort of the next way of ruling out seizure. They will continue to look into this. She needs an MRI overhead. She needs a lot of testing.

12:33 Adam Not the one you take home?

12:35 Drew You wear it home, the 24-hour EEG, where things come out of your head for 24 hours.

12:39 Adam Oh, really?

12:40 Drew Well, or you do it in the hospital.

12:42 Adam You can put it in your strap at your head and walk home with it. Jesus Christ. See? They didn't have that a few years ago.

12:49 Drew They did. No. Yeah.

12:51 Adam Not the take-home one.

12:52 Drew Yes.

12:52 Adam They had the in-store one. You had to rent it, but you couldn't take it home. You had to give them a driver's license and your gym card, I think your PE card to rent it out. Jamie?

13:01 Yeah.

13:01 Adam You're 20?

13:02 Caller Yeah.

13:02 Adam What's up?

13:03 Caller Well, I have two kids and a year ago, I broke up with their father and I haven't started dating again because I just had my other baby last month.

13:13 Drew How was the other kid?

13:15 Caller Two.

13:16 Drew Help me understand something. How did you break up 12 months ago and have a baby one month ago with the same guy?

13:21 Caller Well, because we were having sex still, but we weren't together.

13:26 Adam Yeah, right?

13:26 Caller Yeah. I want to start dating again, but I don't know how to go about it.

13:34 Adam He just had the kid, and that's it with you and this guy.

13:38 Caller Totally. He's a jerk.

13:40 Adam He's the father of both kids.

13:41 Caller Yeah.

13:42 Drew Is he behaving like a father to the kids?

13:44 Caller No. He doesn't even come around or call or anything.

13:47 Adam Did you? Now look, you realize that when I'm in charge, you will be fixed surgically. Do you understand?

13:53 Caller Okay.

13:54 Adam I will label you a high risk and an enemy of the state.

13:57 Caller Okay.

13:58 Adam Goofball 20-year-olds cranking out kids with some scum bucket who gives a rat's ass. No more kids. Do you hear me?

14:04 Caller Okay.

14:05 Adam All right. Yes, sir. Good. I like that. Are you getting money from this guy?

14:11 Caller Yeah. For the one, but I haven't gone for the other one yet.

14:15 Adam You'll get that too.

14:16 Caller Yeah.

14:17 Adam All right. Good. What are you doing to survive?

14:20 Caller I'm living next door to my mom.

14:22 Drew You don't have a job.

14:24 Caller Well, yeah. I start next week. Doing what? Working at a department store.

14:28 Adam All right. So, you want to get back on the dating train.

14:33 Drew I don't see why you can't. You've got your mom there, ready-made babysitter. You're going to be working out in the world. You'll meet guys and you'll date.

14:40 Caller Yeah.

14:40 Adam You think guys will be freaked out over the kids?

14:43 Caller Yeah. That's what I'm worried about.

14:44 Adam Not really. They should be, but they're not. They're just that horny and stupid. I know quite a few guys that have hooked up with women who had kids and they like it. They get connected with the kids and it's sort of like a prefab family. Yeah. They didn't have to deal with all that placenta and whatever else goes on with those kids. They're already there. They're all cleaned up. They're right there. They look like another guy, but fine.

15:12 Caller Oh.

15:12 Adam Yeah.

15:13 Caller Okay.

15:14 Drew Just get out there a little bit.

15:15 Adam It's cool.

15:15 Drew But do take birth control, please, Jamie.

15:17 Caller Please. I will.

15:19 Adam Look at it this way too. There's never been a better time in history for a 20-year-old mother of two to go out and date.

15:25 Drew That's true. And think more of yourself than you did with this other guy because that friends with benefit thing, you were sort of engaging with him.

15:32 Caller Yeah.

15:32 Drew That's not good, right?

15:33 Caller No.

15:33 Drew When guys tell you things like, I'm just in this for sex or I'm just done, believe them.

15:40 Caller Well, he never said that.

15:41 Adam All right.

15:41 Drew Well, he said, well, I'm done, right?

15:43 Adam Oh, shut up, Drew.

15:43 Drew Don't believe their actions, believe their words.

15:45 Adam Look, Jamie, let me give you another thing.

15:47 Caller Okay.

15:47 Adam You now have the kids and you have to shop for a man like you shop for a car.

15:53 Caller Okay.

15:53 Adam No more bug-eyed sprites. That's a little European sports car. You can't have any fast two-seaters with no headrest. You need a roll cage and an airbag. Something a little clunky but stable.

16:07 Caller Okay.

16:07 Adam Not too pretty. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Some steady that gets the job done.

16:12 Drew Azuzu Trooper?

16:13 Adam Yeah, like an Azuzu Trooper. Not flashy, not the ones you want your friends to see you sporting around town in, but consistent and safe and a four door for the kids.

16:22 Caller Okay.

16:23 Drew There you go.

16:23 Caller All right.

16:24 Drew Enjoy.

16:24 Caller Thanks.

16:27 Adam I really started thinking about cars then instead of the dad, but you know what I mean? You can't screw around anymore. You got this kids. Tiffany?

16:35 Yeah.

16:36 Adam You're 26?

16:38 Caller Uh-huh.

16:38 Adam What's up?

16:40 Caller Me and my boyfriend have been together for like two and a half years and while we're having sex, for me to be able to come, like in the first year he was unfaithful and I found out about it and all. I don't know like every detail, but now for me to come like while we're having sex, he has to tell me about it.

16:59 Drew About his sexual exploits with these women?

17:01 Caller Yeah.

17:02 Adam When he was cheating?

17:03 Caller Yeah.

17:03 Drew How did you find out every detail? Well, now he shows every detail because he gets into it while they're having sex.

17:07 Adam Now, she...

17:08 Caller Because they were like his ex-wife and I found out co-worker.

17:16 Drew This guy's a real dynamite guy, right?

17:20 Adam Dynamite individual. I love to spend some time with him.

17:23 Caller That was in the very beginning and it hasn't happened in a long time.

17:27 Adam Okay. How long has it been since he's cheated?

17:30 Caller We've been together two and a half years. It was just within the first. It happened all within the first year.

17:35 Adam In the first year?

17:37 Drew How does it make you feel when he tells you stuff like that? What's the feeling?

17:40 Caller At the time?

17:41 Drew No. What's the feeling that you're looking for, that he evokes in you by saying this stuff?

17:46 Caller It's the only way I can come. It turns me on.

17:47 Drew It turns you on.

17:49 Caller Yeah.

17:49 Drew There's no other feeling other than excitement?

17:51 Caller Right.

17:52 Adam Hey, Drew, isn't this a guy thing? Guys have that gene, some guys.

17:59 Drew You know what? That is because guys hook up aggression and sexuality a lot. Yeah. So it gets them feeling more rageful and aggressive and pow, they're more sexual. Yeah.

18:07 Adam But not only that, but this degradation or the naughty side of it.

18:17 Drew Naughty is a guy. I think degradation is a chick thing, girl thing. That's what she's looking for, is humiliation.

18:23 Adam What do you say? You agreeing with me or not?

18:25 Drew I'm adjusting what you're saying.

18:28 Adam Don't adjust what I say, please or I'll fart.

18:32 Caller Yeah.

18:34 Adam It's not a great sign, by the way. It's a bad sign.

18:37 Drew Yeah.

18:38 Adam It's a real bad sign.

18:40 Drew That you need that kind of humiliation to experience arousal. The question is, do you like heavy physical play too, like being smacked around?

18:53 Adam Drew calls it rough trade off the air.

18:55 Drew Do you like rough trade?

18:56 Caller No, nothing like that.

18:57 Drew Nothing like that. Were you ever physically abused? No. Were you emotionally abused?

19:03 Adam No.

19:03 Drew Where does humiliation enter into your life?

19:05 Caller I don't know. I honestly don't.

19:08 I've never liked it before.

19:10 Caller I've been with other guys.

19:11 Drew No, I don't mean the sexual. I mean in your life growing up, where was humiliation an important experience?

19:19 Caller I don't know. I don't know where it comes from. I really don't. I've never liked it. I mean, I've never, I've never, I've been with a lot of guys.

19:26 Drew You don't like it? No, no, no.

19:28 Adam Wait a minute, it's true. No, you stop.

19:29 Drew She's not answering my question.

19:30 Adam I know, but who cares? I'm not listening either. Certain people at certain phases of their life, most guys, I would say, are into this at a younger age.

19:40 Drew Yeah, but that's, again, aggression meets testosterone, sort of creating a hellacious soup.

19:46 Adam She could have this. Anything, dad, an alcoholic, anything like that?

19:52 Caller No.

19:53 Adam Nothing good?

19:54 Caller No. When I grew up, it was really... My dad passed away four years ago, but we had everything.

20:00 Adam Okay. All right. And so he gets into serious detail while he's having sex with you?

20:06 Caller He doesn't like it. He doesn't like to talk about it. It bothers him, but I...

20:10 Drew It's time for your story.

20:11 Adam Yeah. He gets into... Shut up.

20:14 Drew No, it is, but mom...

20:15 Adam He gets into serious detail?

20:17 Caller Yeah, because that's what I want.

20:19 Adam Yeah, I mean, so he just tells you every little thing?

20:22 Caller Yeah.

20:22 Caller Ugh.

20:24 Adam And then you have your orgasm, and then when you're done, how do you feel?

20:27 Caller I feel fine. I don't feel...

20:29 Drew You don't use the information that gives you against him on some later date?

20:33 Caller Huh?

20:33 Drew You get in fights with him over that information later?

20:35 Caller No. Uh-uh.

20:36 Adam Uh-uh or uh-uh? Uh-uh.

20:37 Drew Uh-uh. Tell the story about your experience with somebody wanting you to talk nasty to them.

20:43 Adam I had a-

20:43 He doesn't like that.

20:44 Drew No, no, no. Adam.

20:48 Adam No, I'm not going to do it. Hey, Tiffany?

20:50 Yeah.

20:51 Adam Yeah, you're fine. I don't know. Don't have kids with this guy, all right? Uh-uh. Oh, no. Do you have kids with him?

20:59 Caller Yeah, we have kids.

21:01 Adam Is this your boyfriend? How many kids do you have?

21:04 Caller We have two.

21:05 Adam All right. Stop it. Do me a favor. Either stop with the sex stories or give the kids away to Bill Cosby. Do something. Stop having the kids. Can you have? No more kids, please. Right? Right. All right. No more. Are you using birth control? No.

21:23 Drew How do you figure you're not going to have kids then?

21:26 I had my tubes tied.

21:27 Adam Oh, you did?

21:27 Drew Yeah, good girl.

21:28 Adam Yeah. We're going to send you out a windbreaker. Thanks, baby. You should have started with that. I'm now in love with you. I don't know what you can do about this. It turns you on and there's nothing that seems to be driving it.

21:39 Drew Oh, there is. Of course, there is. Please.

21:42 Adam You just can't get to it. Well, I think she's angry at the guy for doing it.

21:47 Drew And she connects with her arousal mechanisms through rage and ameliation.

21:53 Adam All right. But you really think there's anything you're going to, you know, we teach a chimpanzee to play the banjo. You know what I mean?

22:02 Drew No.

22:03 Adam Don't you think you could have an easier time doing that?

22:05 Drew You're right. You're right. Tell a quick story about your friend who wanted you to talk nasty. I think it's interesting.

22:11 Adam I had my stripper girlfriend, Lindsey, back when, said to me in bed once that she wanted me to talk, say nasty bad things to her in bed. I told her I wasn't into it. Because even though I say nasty things on the air all the time, I'm really pretty low energy guy at home unless I'm talking about cars or model airplanes or my high school football playing days. I didn't want to do it and she kept bugging me. So she said, come on, say something nasty, say something mean. I said, I don't much care for your mom. She paused. She got angry.

22:49 Drew Left the room.

22:49 Adam Yeah.

22:50 Drew This is the middle of the action, right?

22:51 Adam Yeah.

22:52 Drew I hate your mom.

22:52 Adam I hate your mom. She's a pain in the ass. I don't like it when she stays with us. She got outraged. I said, look, you want it nasty. That's nasty. That's stuff like, I'm going to turn your ass beat red. That doesn't mean anything. This is really nasty. You know what I mean? I just cut right to the chase. I got right to the nasty stuff.

23:11 Drew Sinister nasty. I hate your mom.

23:14 Adam Yeah. I probably didn't say I hate her. I just said, I didn't particularly care for her. I didn't like the woman.

23:19 Drew Wait a minute. You're in the middle of intercourse and it's, honey, I don't particularly care for your mom.

23:24 Adam I don't remember if I was on the intake stroke or the compression stroke or the exhaust stroke. I don't know which stroke I was on there, Drew, but yeah, I think we're doing something. I said something bad about her mom.

23:37 Drew Sir Walter Raleigh. Honey.

23:39 Adam I told her I didn't want to say anything and she kept pushing.

23:42 Drew I don't care for your mom.

23:44 Adam But here's the deal. Here's the deal. She learned a valuable lesson.

23:49 Drew That lesson was?

23:50 Adam Don't talk to me ever. We're going to take a break. When we come back we'll speak to Jesse. No, we'll talk to Jesse. Spelled differently. Line 4 this time. 20 wants to know how we can get girls to think of him as booty call. Not as a friend, he wants sex. We'll talk to him after this. I'm Adam. That's Drew over there. Mix Master Mike in here tomorrow night. Sometimes working with the Beastie Boys. Learned that in the first break. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. And as promised, we're going to speak to Jesse, who's 20. He wants to know why girls just think of him as a friend. And he'd like to evolve these relationships into sexual relationships, Jesse?

25:17 Caller Yeah, I probably should have rephrased my question.

25:20 All right.

25:21 Caller But by the way, how am I coming through? Pretty good? Okay, good. Because last time I had a bad line or something. Anyway, this is the deal. I have a lot of friends that are girls. And I think that's, I mean, the problem is, is like, you know, at first, I just start off seeing the relationships. Oh, you know, she'd be a nice...

25:41 Caller What is that kind of...

25:44 Drew How much gray matter does it take to figure out you can't say that on the radio?

25:50 Adam Just to blatantly say the F word, you mean?

25:53 Drew Yeah, I mean, two sentences into your opening remarks.

25:57 Adam I don't know. And it, you know, it's not as if it's a situation where, you know, your camera was rolling and you're having a press conference and some madman charged a stage with a knife and tried to jump on you and the F word flew out in the fracas.

26:16 Drew I'm thinking about this guy too. He starts out with, you hearing me loud and clear? Because I've had some problems with connections. Oh good, you've got it now. Pow, there it is.

26:23 Adam With the F word. All right, well, let me just, let me just check with Jesse for a second. Hey, Jesse? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, buddy. I'm going to need you to hold for about 40 minutes. Oh. Okay. Oh. No, he didn't get it out. Anderson, don't do it. He didn't get it. He said, shh. But he didn't get the IT part out.

26:41 Do we really want to talk to people like that?

26:42 Adam No. I'm going to put them on hold for 40 minutes.

26:45 Drew But I mean, do we want to talk to them at all?

26:46 Adam Yeah. In 40 minutes, I'll talk to them. If he wants to hang up between now and then, that's fine. I'll talk to him at 1110.

26:53 Drew There you go.

26:53 Adam And I'm not saying for how long. Jesse? Other Jesse?

26:58 Caller Hello?

26:58 Adam Hey, girl, Jesse?

26:59 Caller Hey, what's going on?

27:00 Adam Hey, you're 21. What's up?

27:02 Caller Oh, I just wanted to ask Dr. Drew. I've been listening to the show and I've heard him make a few remarks about people that are sexually abused or, you know, there's a correlation with that and irritable bowel syndrome.

27:16 Drew No, I didn't say that. As usual.

27:19 Adam No, you did say something like that.

27:20 Drew No, I said no.

27:21 Adam Yes.

27:22 Drew We had a call from someone who had irritable bowel syndrome. But remember, we got into a whole discussion about pain with intercourse. And I said what I said was pelvic pain and pain with intercourse is part of sexual abuse and what are called functional complaints of which irritable bowel is one. Meaning there's no disease process, but there's just pain associated with bowel function. And that can be associated with sexual abuse. But the big thing here was her pelvic pain. So pain with intercourse, pelvic pain is unexplained. That is commonly sexual abuse. Okay. And irritable bowel can be part of that.

27:55 Adam What do you get?

27:56 Caller What do I have? Well, the doctor has diagnosed me with IBS.

28:00 Drew But irritable bowel is, you know, is a real syndrome and it occurs in, you know, many kinds of settings. Sometimes there's an emotionally charged basis to it. Sometimes there's not.

28:08 Adam Do you, what is worse, saying I have irritable bowel syndrome or labeling it IBS?

28:15 Caller Well, it's just irritable bowel syndrome gets really old to say.

28:19 Adam I know. But IBS is not giving it a makeover.

28:23 Drew Why don't we call it intermittent constipation diarrhea.

28:56 Adam One, the one at the front by the guard tower. All right. I'll see you there. See you at ICDG.

29:02 Drew Next to the hot dog on a stick?

29:03 Adam Yeah. IBS is, I might as well call it IBJ or something. It's horrible. It's no fix on that. All right. Where was she?

29:16 Caller Two.

29:17 Adam Jessie?

29:18 Caller Yeah.

29:18 Adam All right. So I'm sorry you have that, by the way.

29:21 Caller Oh, well, yes.

29:23 Drew Yeah, you can tell, can't you? No, I am. But you come flying through the area.

29:26 Adam I'll tell you, the only thing worse than having any kind of syndrome is having one that people aren't particularly sympathetic toward, like irritable bowel, or even the worst is Tourette's. People are just sort of like, it's a big joke.

29:37 Drew You know, you're right. There are serious conditions.

29:39 Adam Tourette's is a horrible condition that really doesn't have a whole lot to do with cussing and people just sort of laugh it off.

29:45 Drew Yeah, there are syndromes and conditions that become recurrent Saturday Night Live skits basically.

29:51 Adam And Tourette's, it's like you have tics and these palsies and stuff and you're a mess. And all anyone can do is make jokes out of it. Imagine if you had Tourette's and irritable bowel. Does anyone think anyone has that?

30:04 Caller Oh yeah.

30:05 Drew Irritable bowel is pretty common.

30:07 Adam Yeah, see, that's why I want cancer. No, no, I want AIDS, AIDS.

30:10 Drew Jesse, you taking your bulk?

30:11 Adam AIDS is what I want.

30:12 Drew Citricel or something a couple of times a day?

30:14 Adam Please, give me AIDS.

30:15 Caller No, I'm not on any meds right now for it, but the doctor can't tell me why I have it or what causes it.

30:21 Drew There is no why or what causes it. It's just one of those things people have, why you have headaches. But you've got to make sure you take Metamucil or Citricel. You need a lot of bulk, bran, regularly.

30:30 Caller Yeah.

30:30 Drew They didn't tell you that?

30:31 Caller Well, my friend was telling me like I could have a gluten or a wheat.

30:37 Drew No, stop. That's sprue. That's a different thing.

30:40 Adam Sprue.

30:40 Drew That's another good one.

30:42 Adam You got the IBS and the sprue.

30:44 Drew Get yourself some Citricel and take two tablespoons of that a day, okay?

30:48 Adam That's better than the other stuff, Metamucil.

30:51 Drew Metamucil can sometimes give you a little diarrhea.

30:53 Adam Citricel is what?

30:55 Drew It's just psyllium husk.

30:57 Adam Just husk?

30:58 Drew The only likely words we're using tonight, sprue and psyllium husk and IBS. It's good. It's a bowelicious night.

31:04 Adam What is the psyllium that you husk?

31:07 Drew Psyllium. Psyllium.

31:09 Adam Is that a grain? It's a bulk, yeah. All right. And that, what?

31:12 Drew It's a non-absorbable bulk.

31:13 Adam What's it do? So you don't absorb it so it thickens things up?

31:16 Drew It fills your bowel up so your bowel can't spasm. It's like no isometric spasming.

31:20 Adam So it's like you spill the transmission fluid in the driveway so you put some sawdust on it and thicken it up?

31:27 Drew No. It's like if you were having a spasm in your calf and you went trying to walk it off.

31:36 Adam With husk?

31:38 Drew No, with regular tension on the muscle.

31:40 Adam So it doesn't, see, here's what I always thought of it. You have this, is this good for diarrhea or is it good for constipation?

31:49 Drew Both.

31:50 Adam Both. But now diarrhea, you have liquid coming out of you. So you take this fiber and you put it down with the liquid and you give it some form, and it doesn't come out in a liquid form.

32:01 Drew You can do that. Some people though it doesn't work.

32:04 Adam But that's my analogy with cleaning up the transmission spot.

32:09 Drew In this case, all it's doing is filling the empty space so the bowel doesn't spasm against nothing.

32:14 Adam Okay. Good times. Never been constipated in my life.

32:18 Drew You never had anything in your life?

32:19 Adam Never had anything in my life.

32:20 Drew You never had sweat? Oh, your brow sweat.

32:22 Adam I sweat a lot. I'm looking for aids now because that's one that people are very sympathetic to.

32:27 Drew As soon as you get it though, game over.

32:30 You deserved it.

32:31 Adam Brooklyn?

32:32 Yeah.

32:32 Adam You're 17?

32:33 Caller Yeah.

32:34 Adam What's up?

32:35 Caller Nothing.

32:35 I love your show, you guys.

32:37 Caller Listen to you guys every night on Q 101.

32:39 Adam Thank you.

32:39 You guys are awesome.

32:41 Adam Thanks, baby.

32:42 Caller Also, Mr. Hardware, you're great.

32:44 Adam Oh, thank you.

32:45 Drew How do you know that from Chicago?

32:48 Adam You're talking about Man Show?

32:50 Drew Yeah.

32:50 Caller Oh, okay.

32:51 Adam Good times, baby.

32:52 Caller I had to do it with both, right?

32:54 Adam Yeah. Let me tell you, I don't like to brag except for when I'm talking about myself. This Sunday, Man Show, I'm doing my psychic. I'm giving psychic readings down at the beach. Not to be missed. A comedic gem, Brooklyn.

33:10 Caller I'm not going to miss that.

33:11 Adam Thanks, baby.

33:12 Caller They should put you on the trampolines.

33:14 Adam Thank you.

33:15 Drew Brooklyn, it scares me when a woman likes the Man Show. Go ahead.

33:18 Adam Ask your question.

33:19 Caller All right. Well, when I masturbate, it feels itchy afterwards, you know? It's like an itchy after feel.

33:30 Drew Inside?

33:31 Caller No, outside. Like, literally itches.

33:34 Adam Do you take the wool cover off your vibrator?

33:37 Caller I use my hand, baby.

33:39 Adam Oh, I see.

33:39 Caller I have a vibrator, but he doesn't make me itch.

33:41 Drew He.

33:42 Adam I see. Did you name your vibrator?

33:44 Caller Yeah, I named Flick.

33:45 Drew Flick?

33:46 Adam That's a good name.

33:47 Caller Thank you.

33:47 Adam I like that.

33:48 Caller Thanks.

33:50 Adam You use your hand, you've retired the vibrator?

33:52 Caller Well, no, I use him too.

33:54 Adam Right. But you like to mix it up.

33:56 Caller Right. I can use both hands too.

33:59 Drew Surprise yourself?

33:59 Adam Right.

34:00 Drew Left hand, right hand, flick.

34:02 Adam That's right. I do the same thing. Sometimes I use the VCR with the sound up, and sometimes I use the VCR with the sound on medium. I really mix it up. All right. It's itchy when she's done. You think maybe you're giving yourself some kind of infection or gase or something?

34:20 Drew No, because it's not inside. It's just the clitoris itches.

34:22 Caller Right.

34:23 Adam The clitoris itches?

34:25 Caller It's like everything just itches.

34:27 Drew It's like everything itches.

34:29 Caller Well, it's like if you get a mosquito bite, it itches. You want to itch.

34:33 Drew How long does it last for?

34:35 Caller Like 10 minutes if I can control it.

34:39 Drew If you're in a shower, if you put cold or hot water, does it change at all?

34:42 Caller Not really. It just itches and I don't know why.

34:45 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

34:47 Caller Yeah, but that doesn't have anything to do with it.

34:49 Adam I know, but do you have an orgasm with him?

34:52 Caller Actually, we're not sexually active yet. We just got together.

34:55 Adam I see. Have you ever had an orgasm with a guy?

34:58 Caller Yeah, but nothing recently.

35:01 Adam Shut up. Does it itch after that?

35:04 Caller It has.

35:05 Adam It has?

35:06 Caller Yeah.

35:06 Adam Would it itch if you didn't have an orgasm?

35:10 Caller Probably not. I normally orgasm every time.

35:14 Adam You orgasm every time?

35:17 Caller I can get off pretty easily.

35:19 Adam What if you just diddled yourself?

35:22 Drew What if you didn't have direct stimulation?

35:24 Adam And did not have an orgasm? You think it would itch?

35:27 Caller No, but it's more fun that way.

35:29 Drew What if you didn't have direct stimulation? If you like move your legs or something? Is it some function of what she's doing?

35:34 Caller You think it's like the way that I'm doing it?

35:38 Adam If Flick is involved, how does she know? What if you don't touch your vagina?

35:43 Drew Listen, she may be one of those people that does leg lifts and pow.

35:47 Adam You ever have an orgasm without touching yourself?

35:49 Caller You know, horseback riding can do it.

35:51 Adam Really?

35:52 Caller I don't know.

35:53 It could, maybe. I haven't experienced that, you know, but.

35:56 Adam Okay. I don't know. We don't have an answer. We haven't really heard this question.

36:00 Drew But it doesn't, it's nothing I would be concerned about. You're not on any medication?

36:03 Caller No.

36:03 Drew And you have no medical problems?

36:06 Adam It's no big deal, right? I mean, it's gone after a few minutes, right?

36:10 Caller Yeah, it just, I just want to make sure that everything's cool.

36:13 Adam You're fine.

36:14 Drew Extra cool.

36:15 Adam That's just one of those things. Like, she, you know, I don't know. Do you think there's, you know, I wake up, I go right for my ass.

36:24 Drew Oh, really?

36:25 Adam Yeah, I go right for it.

36:26 Drew Do you cover your hand? I'm in mid or anything? You just bare-handed?

36:30 Adam I dig in there like...

36:31 Drew Bare-handed?

36:32 Adam Yeah, you know, like once in a while, something gets stuck in a vending machine. You get that thing of corn nuts and doesn't quite make it to the bottom.

36:40 Drew Yeah, yeah.

36:41 Adam You ram your hand up in the end. You're fishing and digging and reaching.

36:44 Caller Yeah.

36:46 Adam Yeah, that's what I do.

36:47 Drew No help from the underwear or the pajama bottoms or anything. It's just right straight in.

36:51 Adam Pajama bottoms.

36:52 Drew I mean, listen, I think you live in these damn pants you wear.

36:55 Adam You think I put pajamas on before I go to bed?

36:58 Drew You wear it during the day. I figured you just put them on late at night.

37:00 Adam Well, do the math. You wear pajamas out during the day. You do nothing at night.

37:06 Drew I figured you just live in those things. If you stood up.

37:09 Adam I don't sleep in pajamas.

37:11 Drew Fine.

37:12 Adam Okay, I sleep naked. I go for that naked ass. What do you think I do?

37:17 You are the worst human being I have ever met.

37:20 Drew I have kids in my house. I got to wear stuff.

37:22 Adam You think I like to spread a drop cloth over my ass before I itch it? I go right for it. I do it every morning.

37:27 Drew Do you clean your fingernails afterwards or anything?

37:30 Adam Well, they're going to get dirty later anyway when I work on stuff, so I figure why I must with it.

37:34 Drew How do you get to your ass with all that hair?

37:36 Adam How dare you?

37:37 Drew What is that?

37:37 Adam How dare you?

37:38 Drew Must be like petting a, you know, scratching a dog in the morning. Like going and scratching a big gold retriever or something.

37:44 Adam How does a bear know where its mouth is? Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

37:48 Drew Bear's mouth has less hair around it.

37:50 Adam It knows. That's my point. If the salmon gets in, all I'm saying is this is a ritual of hers. She masturbates, she itches.

38:01 Drew Yeah. She has to manage it.

38:02 Adam We all have our own little rituals. Yeah. Then once your body gets kind of locked into these things, it happens, especially with something like itching, that is not a total physiological event in that area. Once she has 10 of them, she'll have the 11th whether it itches or not.

38:20 Drew But it might be tingly she's talking about. It might be a detumescence experience, so it's whatever.

38:24 Adam Okay. Meaning the blood's coming out of there? We'll take a little break. We'll be back. Hey, everybody, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Mixmaster Mike in here tomorrow night. And tonight, just you, me, Drew, and the calls. And we'll talk to June, who's 23. June?

39:20 Hello?

39:20 Adam What's up?

39:22 I had a question. Thanks for taking my call, first of all.

39:26 Sure.

39:27 Since 1997, I've been taking extra strength, if I get an insoma.

39:32 Drew Ouch.

39:32 Caller I've had two back surgeries.

39:34 I'm 23. My last one was in February.

39:41 My boyfriend and I are getting ready to get married, and we also like to have a baby. And I need to know, how can I get off of these? What kind of effects would it have on the baby? Do I need to be off of them before I get married?

39:52 Drew The bigger effect on the baby is going to be the fact that his mom is an opiate addict. That is what's going to affect this baby. Forget the experience in utero, which will be substantial. I mean, not zero, but not important.

40:04 Even if I stop beforehand?

40:06 Drew You stop beforehand, you'll start again later, and you'll still be an opiate addict. You don't stop using opiates like that.

40:11 Adam Well, what if she stops with some treatment?

40:13 Drew You stop, get some treatment, get into recovery, then you'd be in great shape. So my recommendation would be to you, at least a year in sobriety, effectively involved in treatment and growing in treatment and then consider a pregnancy. You are not in any shape to have a baby right now. Not strung out on Vicodin, no way. No way. The soma is bad news. The soma has got to stop. Soma is converted into meprobamate by your body, which is-

40:38 Caller It's what?

40:39 Drew Converted into meprobamate, which is a miltown, basically, and it's a highly addictive chemical. It's actually very hard to stop, and that would not be good for pregnancy.

40:47 Adam Miltown, like Pittsburgh or West Virginia?

40:50 Drew Like a Mickey Finn.

40:52 Caller What can I do to help get my mom on the bed?

40:53 Drew Remember they used to give you a slip of Mickey Finn?

40:55 Adam Well, they'd slip you a Mickey.

40:57 Drew Mickey, yeah.

40:57 Adam Yeah, they'd drop the Finn in the 40s, I think.

41:00 Drew Oh.

41:01 Because I have trouble getting out of bed, doing normal house chores and stuff without being in complete pain, so what can I do to get off of these?

41:07 Drew You might be surprised how much your pain improves when you've been off Vicodin in about three months.

41:12 Caller How do I start?

41:13 Drew Call, listen, you live in Seattle, the University of Washington has a lot of programs for the treatment of addiction. Get involved and just-

41:21 They're actually the doctors that are giving them to me.

41:23 Drew Addiction treatment doctors? No.

41:24 No, the doctors through the university.

41:26 Drew I understand, but you're being seen through neurosurgery or somebody on a speech.

41:28 Adam What did you do to your back?

41:30 1997, I hyperextended my back and I ruptured a disc.

41:34 Adam Had a what in your back?

41:35 Drew Hyprextended.

41:36 I ruptured a disc and then-

41:38 Adam How did you do that?

41:39 I was bent backwards when I wasn't paying attention. I just- I heard something pop and I ended up going nothing but waist down. And then this past February, they did a fusion.

41:53 Adam All right. And it's just constant pain, huh?

41:55 Yeah.

41:56 Drew Well, when you're on opiates, I mean, I can't tell you how frequently I admit people with chronic pain whose pain magically disappears after three to six weeks. The opiates perpetuate the pain. You, I would predict you have a parent with alcoholism or addiction.

42:11 Two parents.

42:12 Drew Yeah. And that's what you've got. You get this. You've got the gene for addiction. And when you get exposed to opiates, it opens up this pain reward cycle where your body gives you pain as a way of perpetuating the exposure to the drug. You've got to stop this. You have to get your addiction treated.

42:27 Adam Okay. All right. Well, you got to do it eventually. You're 23. You want to have kids. Drew, for the first time in his life, has made sense. You get off this stuff. You stay good and clean for a year. You're now 24 years old. You had a year of sobriety under your belt. And you have a kid and they have a good sober mommy. Okay. All right. Take care of that. Take care of yourself. Yeah. You know, I know this sounds like one of my many blanket statements, but never meet any young people with back problems that aren't looking for the drug. I'd like to talk to someone who's young, who has a back problem, who just constantly has a back problem, but never takes anything. That's the personal belief.

43:08 Drew Here, right here.

43:09 Adam Hey, how are you doing?

43:10 Drew Yeah. Right. Me too.

43:11 Adam Yeah.

43:12 Drew But here's the deal. It's not like they're looking for drugs. You understand? Our culture is a way of looking at this as some sort of volitional process. It's she got exposed to drugs and that opened up a pathway in her brain that she is stuck with drugs, and the brain pathway gives her the pain. She's just responding to the pain.

43:30 Adam Is it a whole lot different than somebody who has this predisposition for, let's say, alcoholism, and when we say alcoholism, we mean addiction, all-ism. You go into surgery, and for two weeks, they give you some heroin.

43:46 Drew Yeah, same thing.

43:48 Adam You know what I mean? I mean, it's almost equivalent.

43:50 Drew To them, yeah. That's how they experience it.

43:51 Adam And then two weeks later, it's like, okay, I'm gonna need some more heroin.

43:55 Yeah, and then two years later, I might still need the heroin for the problem.

44:00 Drew That's right.

44:01 Adam And the problem will continue, and so will your drug use. All right. Brian? You're 24?

44:08 Caller I am.

44:09 Adam What's up?

44:10 Caller I got a, my wife is pregnant, and she has been on birth control the last two months while she's pregnant.

44:20 Adam Where are you calling from that's so echoey?

44:22 Caller Bathroom? Yeah, I'm at work in the locker room.

44:26 Adam Oh, okay. That's a bad sign, by the way, when your work has a locker room, unless you're a professional athlete. What work do you do? You work in some plant or something?

44:35 Caller Yeah, I do.

44:36 Adam And what kind of plant?

44:38 Caller I'm a paper and pulp industry.

44:41 Adam All right. Fascinating. And you have a locker room and that's where you're in. All right. So go ahead. I'm sorry.

44:47 Drew So the wife got pregnant and did she not take the pill properly or something? Or is she on antibiotics?

44:53 Caller No.

44:55 Caller She missed a week.

44:56 Drew There you go. All right. Well, that's it. So you missed the pill and you need to get pregnant. Being on the pill during the pregnancy will not harm anything.

45:02 Caller Okay.

45:03 Drew It should be just fine.

45:05 Caller All righty.

45:05 Drew All right.

45:06 Caller All right. Thanks a lot.

45:07 Adam Hey, good luck with the pulp.

45:09 Caller Okay. I will.

45:10 Adam How much of that pulp is recycled material?

45:15 Caller Not much.

45:17 Adam And is pulp the sort of what's leftover after the done milling all the wood?

45:24 Caller Actually, we're in the pulp and paper industry, but we re-do and re-finish roll. We re-build them.

45:32 Adam Uh-huh.

45:33 Caller So we're not actually in the wood working business itself. We just.

45:37 Adam Yeah. But I mean, where do you get your pulp? Do they take certain trees and just dedicate them purely to paper and pulp?

45:44 Caller Um, that I couldn't tell you.

45:46 Adam Okay.

45:47 Drew Isn't that interesting? Yeah.

45:49 Adam I'll tell you the thing I find fascinating is how people can't tell me stuff that seems like and I, you know, Drew, you know, I do this with everybody. They tell me their job and I ask them the one or two most basic questions I can think of because I'm a layman in everything. I don't know anything, but I'm always curious. And they never seem to have the answer to that. And I always find that bizarre because as an ex-carpenter, if someone said to me, you know, for exterior hinges, they go with four or three and a half. I don't know. I couldn't. Yeah, I could tell you. I could tell you exactly. I could tell you door heights and door widths and I can tell you it's an inch and three quarter for exterior doors and inch and three eighths.

46:28 Drew Why the doors were the way they were?

46:29 Adam I could tell you that they needed, you know, burn ratings on certain doors. The one that goes from your garage into your house is a two hour burn rating and a fire door and it should have a pneumatic closer on it. Yes, I can tell you all that stuff because that's what I did. I'm always amazed when people do stuff and have no idea what's going on. And then they get angry at me when I go, really? How come you don't know that? OK, we're going to take ourselves a little bit of a break. And we'll be back.

46:56 All right, guys, bottom line, here's the deal.

46:58 Caller Looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

47:01 One call is all you need to make.

47:02 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:04 Caller 877-889-DATE.

47:09 Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

47:11 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll be right back.

47:53 Caller It's a little system of a down.

48:04 Adam Little system of a down, yeah. I hurt myself.

48:08 Caller Who does the singing?

48:09 Drew John?

48:11 Adam Shavo?

48:11 Drew Shavo sings, that's right.

48:21 John's on the drums.

48:22 Adam John's on the drums, that's right. Here we go.

48:25 Drew Did those guys try again today at another concert?

48:27 Caller I go, how about this? How about this?

48:31 Adam Armenian genocide.

48:33 Drew It really sounds like some sort of native South Pacific tongue.

48:37 Adam Yeah. It's a big guy, the Tonga drum. Someone should be spinning fire, like a fire stick up there.

48:44 Caller I used to see him all the time, and John would always wear a gas mask on the drums.

48:47 Drew Nice.

48:48 Adam Oh, that's badass.

48:49 Drew He wants us to go to dinner at his parents' house.

48:50 Adam I'm sweating your ass off on that. Yeah, he tells me he loves that Armenian food.

48:56 Drew And he wants his mom to cook us a meal. We got to go down there.

48:58 Adam Hey, I'm down with that. I know a lot of people aren't into that Middle Eastern stuff, but that's good times.

49:04 Drew Oh, yeah.

49:04 Adam It's just a bunch of beef and lamb and rice and kebabs. Yeah. You can't go wrong with a kebab.

49:11 Caller Is this you with them? I think it might be.

49:12 Caller Gotta get it on, gotta get it on.

49:16 Caller Gotta get it on, gotta get it on.

49:19 Caller That's all from Taboo?

49:21 Adam Yeah.

49:21 Drew Of course. Who else would know the lyrics of a Taboo 2 song other than the system of a Down?

49:25 Adam Yeah. That is one of the, what you call a deep cut off the soundtrack of Taboo 2. Isabella?

49:33 Caller Yeah.

49:34 Adam You're 18?

49:35 Caller Yeah.

49:36 Adam Yeah. Sorry to hear that, baby.

49:38 Caller Okay. Last week, I've been getting these really weird pains throughout my body. Like, I'll like twist my head and like I will get these like really like sharp pains like in my chest and like my back and like my hands.

49:54 Drew Is it like electricity going out to your hands?

49:56 Caller Like kind of sort of and like sometimes.

49:58 Drew You got to talk to a doctor about that, will you please? It suggests there may be some pressure on your spinal column there from God knows what. So we need to be looked at.

50:06 Caller Well, like a week ago, I don't know, like all of a sudden, like I was doing something and I almost fainted. Like I couldn't hear Adam. Like my like right ear started going all down and I couldn't hear really well. And I almost fainted, but I didn't. And like since that day, I've been feeling like this.

50:25 Drew So you've got to get this checked out as well. I love you, please.

50:28 Caller Well, what could it be?

50:30 Drew It could be a lot of things, but it definitely something's going on and definitely has to be looked into.

50:34 Adam Why? Well, you're a doctor, Drew, why don't you tell her? Like tell her.

50:39 Caller Well, see, no, I went to the doctor like a week or so ago because I got in a car accident three months ago, right? And I had pain, but I never really had pain in my neck. And I went to the doctor, they took x-rays of everything and they were like, everything seems okay, but we're going to take like appoint you to get some physical therapy. But I don't know, like a week ago that thing happened. And then now like I get these really bad sharp pains and like, I don't know.

51:10 Adam All right.

51:10 Drew Well, let's hope it's just like a disc problem or something like that.

51:13 Adam What kind of doctor should she go to? Orthopedic doctor?

51:17 Drew A neurologist actually would be the best thing.

51:18 Adam Really?

51:19 Drew Yeah.

51:19 Adam Get a little CAT scan?

51:21 Drew Yeah. Or a regular internist would be fine to start with. But you want a brain and spinal column doctor, a neurologist. Okay. Yeah. Hopefully it'll just be a disc problem in your spine, something like that. But there are lots of things that can cause these kinds of symptoms. But it's not nothing. It's something. And let's get it looked into here. Okay.

51:36 Adam Do you have a doctor?

51:37 Caller Me?

51:39 Adam No, Drew. Do you have a doctor, Drew?

51:41 Drew Yeah, I do.

51:41 Adam Okay. Isabella, do you have a doctor?

51:44 Yeah.

51:45 Adam They have doctors in Bakersfield?

51:46 Uh-huh.

51:47 Drew Two.

51:48 Adam Now, did they wear like stovepipe hats and tails and try to sell snake oil from a covered wagon or they actually have, you know, facilities? Really? I couldn't picture that. I picked, you know, the doctor I picture, I picture the doctor from that John Wayne movie, Chisholm or something.

52:11 Drew Chisholm. Chisholm.

52:13 Adam The Chisholm Trail.

52:14 Drew You remember the beginning of, uh...

52:16 Adam No, wait a minute. Do you remember, like, one of John Wayne's last movies? He had cancer. And he was, uh, kept, he told him, there's nothing we can do. And he told him, just keep sipping off of this, basically, this opiate bottle. And he was, uh, played by, uh, James, uh... Oh, Jesus Christ. No, forget it, Drew. This is gonna take all day.

52:35 Drew Listen, I think, I think at the beginning of, uh, Dances with Wolves, when he gets his foot near the amputate and he's in that camp.

52:41 Adam Yeah.

52:42 Drew That's the Bakersfield Hospital.

52:43 Adam Oh, Drew, how dare you make fun of our good neighbors to the north. Natasha?

52:49 Yeah.

52:50 Adam You're 21?

52:51 Caller Yes.

52:52 Adam What's up?

52:53 Caller Um, well, I'm 21 and I still don't have regular periods.

52:56 Adam Hold on. Rooster Cogburn.

52:58 Drew Oh, yeah. Yeah. Who's the doctor?

53:01 Adam James, uh, Jimmy, uh... Jimmy Stuart. Yeah. Yeah.

53:05 Drew Yeah.

53:05 Adam And Ron Howard was a kid in that.

53:07 Drew Wow.

53:07 Adam And he wore a patch. He had cancer.

53:11 Drew Well, it was really a spinoff of True Grit, right?

53:13 Adam Yeah, right. Right? Probably. Natasha?

53:16 Caller Yeah.

53:16 Adam Go ahead, baby.

53:17 Drew All right. So you may never have normal periods. Some people don't have regular periods.

53:20 Caller Well, um, I'm wondering if, uh, well, first, my first... I was wondering if it had anything to do with, um, maybe my, um, fertility. If not having practically non-existent periods could mean that I'm not able to get pregnant.

53:40 Drew It's possible, but doesn't necessarily mean it has anything to do with fertility. You were on birth control pill for a while?

53:46 Caller Oh, I, um, I was on noreplant from the time I was 15 until I was 20, and while I was on noreplant, I had also taken birth control pills to try and regulate my periods then because I had severe cramping during that.

53:59 Drew You were on noreplant and birth control pills?

54:01 Yeah.

54:02 Drew Interesting.

54:03 Caller Yeah. I'm not sure the whole...

54:04 Drew And you couldn't regulate your periods with that?

54:07 No.

54:08 Caller And...

54:09 Drew Do you have... Are you overweight?

54:10 Caller No, I'm not.

54:11 Drew Do you have polycystic ovarian disease? Do you know what that is?

54:14 Not as far as I know.

54:16 Drew Have you seen a gynecologist?

54:17 Caller Well, sure. Like about every six months to a year.

54:20 Drew But a gynecologist. You see a gynecologist, though, not just a regular doctor.

54:23 Caller A gynecologist, yeah.

54:24 Drew Okay. Yeah. Well, this may just be you. There's people that basically have a sort of non-regular cycling of the central nervous system mechanisms that cause cycling. Some people have a variant cyst, like a polycystic ovarian syndrome. You could have endometriosis that could be part of this. But it does need a systematic evaluation. I would really go back to the gynecologist and push the issue about what is this and why. Is it not getting better? And is it going to affect my fertility? It may not.

54:49 Adam Jesse, who's been on hold for close to 40 minutes now.

54:53 Drew 38 minutes, that would be precise.

54:55 Adam Yeah. I announced that Jesse used the F word and half of the S word, which just sounds like you're telling someone to be quiet, really, to be fair to him. Earlier on, about 10.30, I announced that he would be punished by being put on hold for 40 minutes and that I would talk to him at 11.10. So now it is not quite 11.10, so just to be true to the 40 minute timeout, we'll take one more call and then we'll get back to Jesse and see how his mouth is.

55:23 Drew Maybe a minute of silence, just to let things go by and make that minute out.

55:28 Adam You really? Okay.

55:35 Drew I might fall asleep.

55:38 Adam You really want to fall asleep, just start talking.

55:41 Drew No, no.

55:41 Adam That will put you right down.

55:42 Drew No, it's when you talk.

55:42 Adam Is that how you go to bed?

55:43 Drew If I talk, I stay awake.

55:44 Adam Seriously, does your wife say to you, like those nights when she's restless, start talking?

55:49 Drew Does she say that to me?

55:50 Adam Start talking about...

55:51 Drew No, you know the reality?...

55:52 Adam alicystic ovarian disease or something like that.

55:54 Drew No, the reality is I ask her to talk.

55:56 Adam Really?

55:57 Drew I swear to God. When she's talked, I go immediately out and she gets so angry.

56:03 Adam Yeah, because you can't... you just tune out immediately.

56:06 Drew I don't know what that is, but I would think it's a positive thing. Like she's, you know, makes me comfortable and feels, you know...

56:12 Adam No, she opens her mouth, your ears close.

56:14 Drew That's how it works. No, the ears stay open, I just don't hear anything.

56:17 Adam Smart. Jesse?

56:20 Caller Yes.

56:20 Adam Okay, so now we're ready for your problem.

56:23 Caller All right, I just want to say thank you for at least considering me, again.

56:28 Adam It's quite all right, Jesse.

56:29 Drew It's a little passive aggressive there, I don't know.

56:30 Adam No, go ahead.

56:32 Caller Okay, well, first of all, I know my question was, you know, why do girls think of me as such, you know, a good friend and, oh, you're so nice, you're so sweet. Why can't I find a guy like you? Yeah, great, you know.

56:45 Drew Well, you sort of put yourself in friend-ville. That's how you get there.

56:48 Caller I think so.

56:49 Drew You got to ask, if you're interested in someone, you have to step up to the plate and ask them out immediately. I mean, before you get considered friend. And you'll find out up front whether or not somebody's interested. And once you're sort of in that friend place, you can no longer be thought of that way.

57:06 Caller I see. So to say just right off the bat, I don't, I'm not really looking for a best friend.

57:11 Drew No, no, no, no.

57:14 Adam No, you know, hold on a second, Jesse. Jesse's a little bit angry, a lot angry. And I think that chicks are sort of picking up on that. And we run into this a lot, which is guys do that. You know, I'm a nice looking, I'm a well-mannered guy, I'm friendly and all the chicks said make a great boyfriend, but they're not interested. But meanwhile, there's this like seething hatred that's coming through them. Like, I think that, that, listen, women are like cats. They pick up energy.

57:42 Drew Yeah, they move and take off.

57:45 Adam Jesse's got a little, you got a little energy. You angry women, Jesse?

57:52 A little bit?

57:53 Adam It's all right. I don't like them either.

57:55 Caller Well, I guess at the, you know, at the point I am at, yeah.

57:59 Adam Yeah, why?

58:00 Caller I got out of a, well, I don't know, could you say it was because I just got out of a relationship with, you know, this girl and she had a daughter and it wasn't really, or maybe it's, you think it stems from something?

58:11 Adam Well, are you an angry person in general?

58:15 Caller Oh, no.

58:15 No.

58:16 Adam And do you have a good job or do you go to school?

58:20 Caller I'm starting to go to school, yeah.

58:21 Drew What are you studying?

58:23 Caller Sociology and psychology.

58:24 Adam Here's the other thing that's kind of a bitch for guys too, is 20 years old is sort of a no man's land for guys.

58:31 Caller You have no identity, yeah.

58:33 Adam Yeah, and I'll tell you why, because when you're in high school and you're 18 or 17 and you're a senior, you've got plenty of identity. You're a big man on campus. And all the underclassmen are all at your beck and call. And when you're a little bit older and you got your career rolling and you got a little money in the bank and you got your ID and everything's cruising along, you got some wheels and everything, you're 25, 26, 30, stuff's cool there. But there's that no man's land between the time you graduate high school and the time you get your career going, which is horrible. And the only thing that can save it is if you're going to some party school like Arizona State and you're in college and you just keep the high school experience going, you just spill it into college. It becomes like four more years of high school. But Jesse doesn't sound like he's doing that and he's kind of in that no man's land. And all you can do, there's two things you can do. One is what Drew said, which is when you meet a woman, you ask her out. You don't freak her out, but you ask her out before you get in a friend-ville. And the other thing you need to do is just work on your presentation. You gotta be an attractive package. And that means doing good at school, that means making some money, that means dressing, that means working out, that means just having a package.

59:52 Caller And don't let out that aura that says, I'm a freak.

59:56 Drew That says, that says, I'm angry.

59:58 Adam No, it says I'm angry and I'm desperate.

1:00:01 Drew Yeah.

1:00:01 Caller Yeah, there we go, okay.

1:00:03 Adam Right, you can't have that desperate thing. I've said it a million times, but I haven't said it in a while, which is back to the cat analogy. You want a cat here. You know when a cat comes up? Yeah, I was talking to my grandmother today. I was over at grandma's house and she's got a cat. I'm sitting there on the chair, sort of minding my own beeswax, and me and my grandma are talking back and forth in the living room, and her cat comes in to the room, and she's like, Mr. Mose, Mr. Mose.

1:00:34 Drew Is that his name?

1:00:34 Adam Yeah, Mr. Mose. Mr. Mose. By the way, it always means you're getting old when you're putting that Mr. in front of stuff. It either means you're young or old. The Mr. thing is not used from age 10 to 70.

1:00:47 Drew 80.

1:00:48 Adam 10 to 80, but it's used before 10 and after 80.

1:00:51 Drew Absolutely.

1:00:52 Adam Mr. Mose. So the cat, Mr. Mose, is walking in, and cats do like what sharks do. They circle for a while. They circle around seeing who wants them the most. My grandma's there, she's about to have a stroke. Mr. Mose, come here, Mr. Mose. She's got her hand out. Mr. Mose. What am I doing? I'm sitting on the chair with my hands by my back, just sitting there going, Christ, what time is it? I got to get out of here. Well, what's Mr. Mose doing?

1:01:18 Drew Coming to you.

1:01:19 Adam Comes right over to me.

1:01:20 Drew One of the ones that believes.

1:01:21 Adam There's my grandma. Mr. Mose. She's four feet away now. She's leaning over the poor lady. She doesn't have a lot of strength left there. Mosey, Mosey.

1:01:29 Drew Cats, if you want them, they don't want you.

1:01:30 Adam Cats now leaning and rubbing on me. Why? Because it somehow perceived that I didn't care and that I was in it. My grandma with the Mr. Mose and the hand flailing. A hassle. No.

1:01:41 Drew Not up for that kind of commitment. And here's the more sort of dramatic aspect of this as it pertains to what guys are trying to do. If you were trying to put a cat in like a carrying case, take them off to the vet.

1:01:50 Adam No.

1:01:50 Drew That's what you're trying to do as a guy.

1:01:52 Adam Right.

1:01:52 Drew You're trying to catch them and put them in a cage.

1:01:54 Adam You can't do that.

1:01:55 Drew No way.

1:01:56 Adam And if you do want to get that cat into that carrying crate, the only way to do it is to leave the thing in the living room for about a week with the door open and then start putting food into it. You start chasing the cat around holding the crate, you're screwed.

1:02:09 Drew Oh, they even see the crate. That's the point. Or it sends your desperate need to put them in the crate.

1:02:13 Adam That's it.

1:02:14 Drew Not even desperate need. Your desire. You need them in the crate.

1:02:18 Adam Right. You want them to do A, therefore they want to do B. Cheyenne, that's how women are at 19 and 20. Now as they get a little older, they see the hands sticking out. They're happy for it. Although we don't want to put the hand out. Mr. Mose! Mosey! I'm like, grandma, the cat doesn't like you. Cheyenne, you're 22.

1:02:39 Caller Right.

1:02:40 Caller What's up?

1:02:41 Caller I just had my clit pierced.

1:02:43 Adam You just had your what pierced?

1:02:44 Caller My clit.

1:02:45 Adam Oh, I see. Okay.

1:02:46 Drew Good times.

1:02:47 Adam Good times.

1:02:48 Caller And no interpreting of the orgasm.

1:02:52 Adam Well, there you go.

1:02:54 Drew Listen, you're putting a spear through a part of your body that has a function, and you weren't born with a spear through it, and putting a foreign body through any part of your body has risk.

1:03:06 Adam So why don't you take it out?

1:03:09 Caller Well, I try, but right now it's swelled. What? It's swelled. Swelled?

1:03:15 Drew It's swelled?

1:03:16 Caller It's puffy.

1:03:17 Adam Are you saying swelled?

1:03:19 Caller Right.

1:03:19 Adam Say that word for me.

1:03:21 Caller Well.

1:03:21 Drew Did you just get your tongue pierced too?

1:03:23 Caller Yeah, I did.

1:03:25 Adam You get your tongue pierced? Oh, they give you a discount? Like a little twofer?

1:03:28 Caller Well, I have a friend that does them. Oh, jeez.

1:03:30 Adam Is this a male friend?

1:03:32 Caller Yes.

1:03:33 Adam You let him work on your clit, huh?

1:03:36 Drew And the tongue.

1:03:37 Adam Hey, Cheyenne.

1:03:38 Caller Right, yeah.

1:03:39 Adam What do you do? Do you dance?

1:03:40 Caller Yes, I am. I'm a dancer.

1:03:42 Drew Pow.

1:03:42 Adam Shocking.

1:03:43 Drew Cheyenne with the dual piercings.

1:03:48 Caller Hey, everybody, man.

1:03:49 Adam I'm coming to the stage. Coming to the stage. The generous show.

1:03:52 Caller Cheyenne.

1:03:54 Adam The ATM is working over there. We got a two-for-one going on the bar. We got a little discount, a little discount. Come on, show you. Put your hands together.

1:04:01 Caller Cheyenne.

1:04:04 Adam Is that your dancing name?

1:04:06 Caller Yes.

1:04:06 Adam You have the DJ yelling in the background?

1:04:08 Caller Yeah.

1:04:09 Adam Yeah. That's great. I love those guys. Does he try to get in your pants?

1:04:13 Caller No.

1:04:14 Adam He doesn't?

1:04:14 Caller No.

1:04:15 Adam They normally do.

1:04:17 Drew She's shocked, Adam. Please, her delicate sensibilities have been violated.

1:04:19 Adam Do you have to tip him out?

1:04:20 Drew What are you talking about?

1:04:21 Adam Do you have to tip him out?

1:04:23 Caller Who? The DJ or the dancers?

1:04:25 Adam The DJ.

1:04:26 Caller Yeah.

1:04:26 Adam You do? What a gig. He sits there and looks at you nude all day and then you tip him at the end. I like when the DJ has to take care of some business in the middle of his rap. I go in and go, Yeah, put your hands together, should I care, should I care, I'm just coming to the stage, can't let the main stage, yeah, should I care, but they're doing like a little air traffic controller up there too. They do have a few stages, they got to get the chicks all lined up, ready on the tarmac for the next one. What happened to you, baby? What happened? Anything happened to you?

1:05:03 Drew Sure.

1:05:04 Adam Little sexual molestation?

1:05:06 Caller No.

1:05:07 Drew Physical abuse?

1:05:08 Adam Physical abuse?

1:05:09 Caller No.

1:05:09 Adam What happened?

1:05:11 Caller Nothing.

1:05:12 Adam Where's daddy?

1:05:13 Caller My daddy's at home.

1:05:14 Adam Yeah. Does he know you dance?

1:05:18 Caller Kind of, yeah.

1:05:19 Adam What's he think about it?

1:05:21 Caller He doesn't talk about it.

1:05:22 Adam Is that your biological dad?

1:05:24 Caller Yeah.

1:05:24 Adam Still together with mama?

1:05:26 Caller Yeah.

1:05:27 Adam He ever hit you?

1:05:28 Caller No.

1:05:29 Adam Does he drink?

1:05:30 Caller No.

1:05:31 Adam When did you lose your virginity? What's missing here?

1:05:36 Drew Are you a bikini dancer?

1:05:37 Adam No. Totally nude, right?

1:05:38 Caller Right.

1:05:40 Adam You have a brain tumor or something?

1:05:43 Caller No.

1:05:43 Drew Really?

1:05:44 Caller This door is not hanging together.

1:05:47 Adam You didn't get raped by a cousin or anything?

1:05:49 Caller No.

1:05:50 Drew No one touched you or did they do it when you were younger in some way that was disturbing to you?

1:05:53 Caller No.

1:05:54 Adam What's your dad do for a living? Garbage man?

1:05:57 Drew Metal.

1:05:57 Adam Metal? Does he work around metal?

1:05:59 Caller No.

1:05:59 Adam What's he do?

1:06:00 Caller He's a lawyer.

1:06:02 Drew A lawyer? This is not adding up.

1:06:06 Adam Do you have an eating disorder?

1:06:08 Caller Me? No.

1:06:08 Drew A little bit?

1:06:09 Caller No.

1:06:10 Adam In the past though?

1:06:12 Drew I'm actually really fascinated by this.

1:06:13 Adam I am too.

1:06:13 Drew Yeah, because she does not add up.

1:06:15 Adam Your mom, your mom a professional?

1:06:17 Caller My mom is a housewife. Housewife?

1:06:19 Adam What's wrong? Something with her.

1:06:21 Drew Is she okay?

1:06:22 Adam Let's focus on her. What's going on with your mom?

1:06:24 Caller Nothing. My family is okay.

1:06:26 Drew Do you have a ton of siblings?

1:06:29 Caller I have two sisters.

1:06:30 Drew How are they doing?

1:06:31 Caller They're doing fine.

1:06:32 Drew What do they do for a living?

1:06:34 Adam Turquoise and Jade. They would dance too.

1:06:36 Drew No, no. We've got to fly her out here and study her.

1:06:39 Adam What do they do?

1:06:42 Caller My one sister, she's an in-home nurse.

1:06:44 Adam In-home nurse.

1:06:45 Caller My other one is a house mother.

1:06:47 Drew Who?

1:06:47 Caller A house mother.

1:06:48 Drew What does that mean? Like a housewife?

1:06:49 Caller Like a housewife.

1:06:50 Drew Your dad does not drink?

1:06:51 Caller No.

1:06:53 Drew This does not add up. Does not compute.

1:06:57 Adam The nurse. The nursing is weird too. That usually means trouble. Nothing. Is there anything seriously, Shannon? Because you will ruin Drew.

1:07:06 Drew You ruin my night. I'm going to sit up all night trying to figure this out. Like an unsolvable puzzle that you've delivered here.

1:07:11 Adam You know what we're going for here. Is there anything that you can think of that we're missing?

1:07:17 Caller Nothing to do with my clippy and pierce.

1:07:19 Drew No. Any trauma in your path? You're a trauma survivor of any type?

1:07:24 Caller No, but I'm depressed a lot.

1:07:26 Drew Is your mom, is there manic depression in your family?

1:07:30 Caller Not really, just me. I've been like really depressed lately and stuff.

1:07:33 Drew But your dad's not bipolar, mom's not bipolar? And no one ever hit you?

1:07:39 Caller No.

1:07:40 Adam No one drinks and no one takes any drugs?

1:07:42 Caller No.

1:07:43 Drew I'm certain you've noticed that your peers where you work have these kinds of histories, right? Or do you talk to them about this?

1:07:50 Caller I guess we all have our problems, but...

1:07:52 Caller What are you, what are you, what are you, what are you...

1:07:54 Adam Forget it.

1:07:55 Drew She's not telling us what the thing is.

1:07:57 Adam I don't know. Maybe she's got nothing. All right. So your clit is all getting infected or puffed up or some. So why don't you take the piercing out?

1:08:06 Caller Well, like I said, I got it done like a month ago. But everybody at work, you know, they have one, they're like, oh, that's cool, that's cool, you know. And I actually make a little bit more money from it being pierced.

1:08:16 Adam You do?

1:08:17 Caller Yeah.

1:08:17 Adam You notice more tips?

1:08:19 Caller Tips, yeah.

1:08:20 Adam You do?

1:08:21 Caller Yeah.

1:08:22 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm saying, tip. You notice more tips? Tips, yeah. Yeah, tips, right?

1:08:28 Caller More.

1:08:28 Adam How much do you walk with at the end of a night?

1:08:32 Caller At a good night, about 700.

1:08:33 Adam Nice.

1:08:36 Drew Wow.

1:08:36 Adam Who's crazy now? I was 22, I was digging a ditch with a guy named Waldo for seven bucks.

1:08:44 Drew You take home, what, 40 bucks? No, 35 bucks a day? Take home.

1:08:48 Adam Take home? No, it's about 40, 45 bucks a day or something like that.

1:08:53 Drew $700 a day. Tax-free.

1:08:56 Adam Cash, cash.

1:08:58 Drew Let's just multiply that times two.

1:09:00 Adam I should have gotten a gay porn.

1:09:01 Drew $1400 a day.

1:09:03 Adam Okay, listen. Just listen. I don't know what's wrong. Drew, what should she do with her clip?

1:09:08 Drew Take the piercing out. That's it? She's having problems with orgasm. She may continue to have that problem.

1:09:13 Adam Listen, take the one out of your mouth too so people can understand you.

1:09:17 Caller Okay.

1:09:18 Adam All right. Say swollen one more time.

1:09:22 Caller Swollen.

1:09:23 Drew Wait, I couldn't hear you. What's that?

1:09:25 Caller Huh?

1:09:26 Drew Say swollen again.

1:09:28 Caller No.

1:09:29 Adam All right.

1:09:29 Drew She mentally retarded or something?

1:09:31 Adam I mean, how does her dad is a lawyer?

1:09:33 Drew It just does not compute. Come on.

1:09:38 Adam I don't know.

1:09:38 Caller Yes, she does.

1:09:40 Drew Come on.

1:09:40 Adam Cheyenne?

1:09:41 Caller Yes?

1:09:42 Adam Did you, you went to high school, right?

1:09:44 Caller Yes.

1:09:44 Adam You graduated?

1:09:45 Caller Yes.

1:09:46 Adam And then what did you do?

1:09:48 Caller I worked at different places and then I thought, well, there's no good money, no taxes taken out.

1:09:56 Adam What's your national, do you have a nationality?

1:09:57 Drew No, that's the north, that's like Minnesota or something?

1:10:00 Caller Virginia.

1:10:01 Drew Virginia.

1:10:02 Adam What's your nationality?

1:10:04 Caller Hillbilly.

1:10:05 Adam Hillbilly? Your dad's a lawyer, though, you can't be a Hillbilly.

1:10:09 Caller I'm from Virginia.

1:10:11 Adam You can be a Jewbilly. Jewbilly, sure.

1:10:15 Drew This whole thing is just, maybe it's just BS. We're perplexed.

1:10:18 Adam Cheyenne, okay, listen, I hope it's all true, I hope everything works out. Drew's gonna kill him.

1:10:23 Drew No, no, I hope so, too.

1:10:24 Adam I gotta take a break. Is that just her tongue piercing that we couldn't understand her?

1:10:29 Drew She had a Minnesota accent, and that's just Virginia. Okay, and there was not a hint of a Southern accent.

1:10:35 Adam Okay, Drew, let's go just re-evaluate all we know to be true. Okay?

1:10:39 Drew Let's go pee, too.

1:10:39 Caller Okay.

1:10:41 Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:10:44 Caller Uh, back in a minute.

1:11:16 Oh, yeah.

1:11:21 Adam Hey, Loveline, y'all. I'm Adam. That's Drew over there. We'll hop back on the phones and see what we can do. Jamie?

1:11:33 Yeah.

1:11:33 Adam Hey, you're 20. What's up, sweetness?

1:11:36 Caller Well, I'm seven months pregnant, and I've never had any kind of problem having an orgasm before, but now I can't do it for the life of me.

1:11:46 Drew Well, that's part of pregnancy, all kinds of changes in that function.

1:11:49 Caller That's normal?

1:11:51 Drew Yeah. Sometimes the people shut down in the first trimester and become hyper aroused in the latter trimester, sometimes shut down all the way through, sometimes hyper aroused throughout. It's different for different people, but you're under the influence of massive hormones.

1:12:04 Caller Okay.

1:12:04 Drew And it changes your function, and plus the whole blood supply.

1:12:07 Caller There's nothing I can do to like different conditions or anything like that.

1:12:11 Drew Relax.

1:12:12 Caller Okay.

1:12:12 Drew Relax. My God.

1:12:14 Adam Hey, Momma, you got a couple months, and then you got a kid.

1:12:16 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:12:17 Adam Where's Daddy?

1:12:18 Caller He's at work right now.

1:12:19 Adam You guys married?

1:12:21 Caller Yeah.

1:12:21 Drew What's he do?

1:12:22 Caller He's a tattoo artist.

1:12:24 Drew Tattoo artist.

1:12:25 Adam Oh, tattoo artist.

1:12:26 Caller Yeah.

1:12:26 Adam Oh, good times. Give the, what are you going to name the kid?

1:12:31 Caller Justice.

1:12:32 Adam Justice?

1:12:33 Caller Yeah.

1:12:34 Adam Yeah. You know, don't do that.

1:12:36 Drew And you're going to spell it somewhere else.

1:12:37 Adam So ironic when he's getting hauled off. When he's getting hauled off to prison at the 15 and a half for vehicular manslaughter and it says in the paper, Young Justice Johnson was, it's always, it's so poetic.

1:12:51 Caller You are found guilty as charged.

1:12:54 Adam No, don't, don't, don't go for Justice. Don't do it. Just give him a regular name. It's always, you know, and let me tell you something too. There's always something extra pathetic about somebody with a very unique name who has a very mundane job later on in life.

1:13:09 Caller There's a reason why they're named that way?

1:13:11 Drew No, it's just, this is about, here, it's not a great way to embark on the rearing of another life. You acting out your needs on that person by giving them a strange name. This is another person we're talking about. Let them have their life.

1:13:26 Caller My husband came up with it and he, the whole justification that he gives it is that the type of lifestyle, because I'm a tattoo artist as well, the type of lifestyle that we live, that he's never going to lead to like a normal life anyway.

1:13:38 Drew Here's what's going to happen with him being reared by you guys. He's going to be an investment banker that wears a bow tie 24-7.

1:13:45 Caller No tattoos.

1:13:46 Drew No, no. He's going to go completely the other way.

1:13:48 Adam She just said that. No tattoos.

1:13:50 Caller Yeah.

1:13:51 Adam See, Drew, you're just as guilty as I was.

1:13:53 Drew No, no. I was clarifying.

1:13:54 Adam No tattoos.

1:13:56 Caller What were your parents like?

1:13:57 Adam Drew? Yeah. They were like Drew but even cheaper if you can imagine.

1:14:02 Caller So why didn't you go the opposite way?

1:14:03 Adam His dad used to actually break pennies in half to tip people. He used to carry around linemen dikes so he could cut pennies in half to tip people. And if the guy did a good job, he'd give them the other half on his way out of the restaurant. Right, Drew? Is that true with the valets and things like that? He actually had a penny perforator at home where he would actually perforate them like paper towels and he could snap them in half by biting down on them. I mean, keep in mind this is 15, 20 years ago.

1:14:31 Drew Well, a penny was a penny.

1:14:32 Adam A penny was worth four cents. Yeah, it's like Drew but super cheap. Drew's one of these guys who, he didn't go south. He stayed in the mold. My dad's a big poet who doesn't know anything about tools or cars or sports or anything and I went the opposite.

1:14:50 Drew And my kid, listen, I'm not sort of a sports guy. My kids, sports nuts.

1:14:55 Adam Right.

1:14:55 Drew Insane.

1:14:56 Adam There you go. All right. So slow down with the kids and take care of this one.

1:15:00 Caller All right. Thank you.

1:15:01 Adam All right. Take care. She was like an old soul for 20.

1:15:06 Drew Yeah.

1:15:07 Adam Tattoo artist. Is it just me or tats on women? They do nothing.

1:15:14 Drew Little more than nothing.

1:15:16 Adam Here's the thing about a tat on a woman for me. Same as a piercing. Could not make it better. Could possibly hurt. Would most likely hurt her parents. But could never do it any better. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Thank you. John.

1:15:35 Caller Yeah.

1:15:35 Adam A guy can get away with it once in a while. John, you're 16.

1:15:39 Caller Yeah. I've got a little bit of a problem. But first of all, I'd like to say you guys are awesome.

1:15:44 Adam Thanks, Johnny.

1:15:45 Caller You're the man.

1:15:45 Caller Thanks, John. What's up?

1:15:47 Caller And anyways, this is a problem. I'm 16 and a half, almost 17, and I haven't hit puberty at all, barely. I have pubic hair, but I don't have any armpit hair. My legs look like they're shaved. And my penis is like an inch to an inch and a half limp and like five inches erect.

1:16:12 Caller You're going to get there.

1:16:14 Drew Seriously, listen, here's the good. How tall are you?

1:16:17 Caller I'm 5'10.

1:16:18 Drew You're going to hit, you haven't even hit your growth spurt yet. Are your parents real tall?

1:16:23 Caller Not really.

1:16:24 Drew Well, you're going to be tall.

1:16:25 Caller The tallest person in my family is like 6'2.

1:16:27 Drew You're going to exceed that, I suspect.

1:16:29 Adam That's pretty tall, by the way.

1:16:31 Caller Shoe size is 12 and a half.

1:16:32 Drew Yeah, you're going to be huge. And that's the good news. And also late puberty is the good news.

1:16:36 Adam He's going to be like Sasquatch when he's 19.

1:16:39 Drew He's going to be towering over it. He'll have the last laugh. Late puberty is also associated with long life, longevity.

1:16:46 Caller I've been worried about it.

1:16:47 Caller No, you're fine.

1:16:48 Drew You're on track.

1:16:49 Caller You're on track.

1:16:50 Adam Listen, John.

1:16:51 Caller Yeah.

1:16:52 Adam You know, that age, some people spring into it a little earlier than others. You're just a little bit late. That's fine.

1:17:00 Caller Yeah, because my friend, he's like, you're younger than me, and he has like a mustache or something that pisses me off.

1:17:05 Adam Yeah, I know. It's a good luck when those 15-year-old guys have that mustache, too. Yeah. Nothing better looking on the chin. But talk about it, distinguished. That's a nice luck, those guys with the mustache.

1:17:15 Drew I can remember 13-year-olds with that when I was in high school.

1:17:18 Adam Yeah, I could, too. I remember guys like on the Pop Warner football team that were 13, 14, had that stache.

1:17:24 Drew That was always sort of the scary guy. That was the guy that team had that guy.

1:17:28 Adam He had the mustache guy. Always a lineman, never quarterback receiver, never skilled position.

1:17:34 Drew Always a linebacker sometimes.

1:17:36 Adam Yeah, well, he went both ways playing offensively.

1:17:38 Drew And by the end of high school, shortest guy in the school.

1:17:41 Adam Yeah, but fat and hairy. Lisa?

1:17:45 Caller Yeah.

1:17:45 Adam You're 16?

1:17:46 Caller Yeah.

1:17:47 Adam What's up, baby?

1:17:49 Caller Me and my fiance have been together for a while, and we, I don't know, we've just been fighting a whole lot.

1:17:57 Drew Engaged at 16.

1:17:59 Caller Yeah.

1:17:59 Caller What's that all about?

1:18:01 Caller I don't know. We got together. We really haven't been together like a real long time.

1:18:05 Drew What the hell are you running away from?

1:18:08 Caller Everything, pretty much.

1:18:09 Drew What's going on at home?

1:18:10 Adam Well, still blow up, and so she had to move.

1:18:13 Caller I don't know. It's just my mom and my dad aren't together anymore, and-

1:18:18 Adam Yeah.

1:18:18 Drew Well, you don't need a life preserver at 16, okay? That's not what relationships are about.

1:18:22 Caller I know. I mean, I love him to death.

1:18:24 Drew Yeah. Good. Fine. Have a boyfriend. Don't get him married.

1:18:27 Caller We've been fighting a whole lot, and then tonight he told me that we needed to split up for a while, see if our love was as strong as we thought, and he's like four years older than me.

1:18:39 Adam Does he have a bad mustache?

1:18:41 Caller I make him keep it. He don't want it, but I think it's sexy.

1:18:46 Adam I'd like to get into this guy's look for just one second. He's got the mustache. How's he wearing the hair?

1:18:52 Caller He shaves it, pretty much.

1:18:54 Adam Shave head?

1:18:55 Caller Yeah.

1:18:55 Adam Shaves head and the mustache.

1:18:57 Caller Yeah.

1:18:58 Drew That's good. A huge guy, like a big heavy guy?

1:19:01 Caller No, he's kind of prejudiced and all, but...

1:19:05 Drew What was his skin like?

1:19:06 Caller No.

1:19:08 Adam Well, he don't like the blacks, right?

1:19:10 Caller No, he don't like anything, really.

1:19:12 Adam Mexicans, Jews? I'll name the nationality, tell me if he likes it, all right?

1:19:17 Caller No.

1:19:18 Adam Jew?

1:19:20 Caller I have no clue.

1:19:21 Adam You guys don't have Jews over there in Oklahoma, right? They have big noses and they don't like working on Saturdays and they're cheap but they talk a lot. They're always talking and when they're not talking, they're suing and they won't pay retail and they eat everything and they love horrible food like cold fish that's been sitting in vinegar and stuff. They love that liver. They love all this food that you don't want to eat. They're like catfish, a big-nosed rich catfish. That's what the Jews are. Yeah. And so if you see any of them around?

1:20:00 Caller No, not really.

1:20:01 Adam Okay. Mexican?

1:20:03 Caller No.

1:20:04 Adam You don't like them and then all the other sort of knockoff Mexicans like the Puerto Ricans, El Salvadorans, Nicaraguans.

1:20:10 Caller He thinks they're sexy.

1:20:12 Adam He likes Puerto Rican women?

1:20:13 Caller Yeah, but he don't like the guys.

1:20:15 Adam Well, okay, but that doesn't count because he just wants to f them, right?

1:20:18 Caller Yeah, but we've been fighting a whole lot and...

1:20:20 Adam Well, no, wait a minute. I'm not done. Now, what about the Asian, the Oriental, as he calls them?

1:20:26 Caller He's found one girl in a porn magazine.

1:20:29 Adam Yeah, but I'm not talking about one he wants to beat off to. I'm just talking about nationals that he likes or dislikes.

1:20:36 Caller No.

1:20:36 Adam He don't like the Asians? And then that would go with all the sort of sub, you know, all the Taiwanese and all those folks, Vietnamese. They're not Asians, are they? Vietnamese, Asians? Oh, yeah. What about Taiwanese? Asian? Cambodian. Cambodian. And then all the Indians. What about the Indians?

1:20:54 Caller He's Indian. He has like 30 Indians.

1:20:56 Adam Yeah, but he's American Indian.

1:20:58 Caller Yeah.

1:20:59 Adam Yeah, but I'm talking Eastern. I have no clue. I'm talking about camels and, you know, snake charming and turbans.

1:21:08 Caller He talks crap about them.

1:21:09 Adam Yeah, he don't like them. All right. Good times. And then what about some of the ones, what about like the Canadians? You don't hear too much about them. They're hard to spot, too. They look like me and you. That's what makes them so deceiving. They slide in under the radar, the Canadians, huh?

1:21:27 Caller They don't have a problem with them.

1:21:28 Adam No problems, Canadians?

1:21:29 Caller No.

1:21:30 Adam All right. Am I leaving out? Then there's all that sort of, you know, you know, eskimos and stuff like that. They don't really count. They don't pose a threat. Okay. So he's got some Indian in him. Does he like to drink?

1:21:42 Caller Yeah, actually, yeah. And he liked it. He used to do drugs. I made him quit. And we just, I don't know, we just been fighting a whole lot. And we used to actually have sex a whole lot. And we used to not use protection. But now all he wants to do is use protection and barely have sex.

1:21:57 Adam Good. Good. I like this guy.

1:21:59 Caller And then, but he's like, I hardly ever get to see him because he works 16 hours a day.

1:22:03 Adam Right. Where does he work?

1:22:05 Caller He works in Hominy.

1:22:08 Adam Hominy. Where?

1:22:09 Caller Out in Hominy, land, Albert Hominy Landing. He sets carpools.

1:22:13 Adam Oh, he sets the poles?

1:22:14 Caller Yeah.

1:22:15 Adam Pile driver.

1:22:16 Drew He's a performance.

1:22:17 Adam All right. All right. He's got a good gig. Yeah.

1:22:20 Caller Yeah.

1:22:21 Adam You need to not get pregnant.

1:22:24 Drew You need to also not realize that this relationship is probably not, you'd be better off without this relationship in reality.

1:22:30 Caller I know.

1:22:30 Adam All right.

1:22:31 Drew That's that with that. I know. I know. Good. Good. You do know. That's good. You're looking for a life preserver. Focus on getting your life together. Focus on your education. Get a sense of yourself and separate from your family and get out of there. And don't look for a man to be the rescuer from all that. Be your own knight in shining armor, will you? Yes.

1:22:50 Adam That'll never work. Lisa, you cannot let him get you pregnant. Do you understand that?

1:22:56 Caller He already has a kid.

1:22:58 Drew Yeah. That's irrelevant.

1:22:59 Adam You cannot let him.

1:23:00 Caller I think I am right now anyway, so.

1:23:04 Adam You're going to give birth to a banjo. You too. I swear to God. Listen, do me a favor. Just so the kid has a chance to have a normal upbringing.

1:23:15 Caller Yeah.

1:23:17 Adam I want you to take him and put him in one of those circus cannons and just shoot him toward the border.

1:23:25 Drew Shoot him into Texas.

1:23:26 Adam Shoot him into Texas. Shoot him toward the panhandle and just give that kid a fighting chance. Maybe some drunken miner will take pity on it. You really think you're pregnant?

1:23:38 Caller Yeah.

1:23:38 Adam And what's your plan, honey?

1:23:41 Caller Well, we're supposed to get married in 18 months.

1:23:44 Adam Once he turns 18. Can you please, no more kids.

1:23:48 Drew The relationship isn't working. Just step back. Let him separate a little bit. Get some distance. See how you feel. That's a good plan. This is what I like about this guy. That he is being a little more.

1:23:58 Adam He's probably found another chick.

1:24:00 Caller No, don't say that.

1:24:02 Adam Be the best day of your life. Can you get an abortion?

1:24:06 Caller No. I refuse to do that. It's murder.

1:24:08 Adam Right. That's what I love about you. Yeah. It'll be murder if you get the abortion, but you can slowly kill the kid for 18 years until he flies the coop and goes on to f someone else's life up. That part's fine. The abortion is murder. You neglecting this kid with the alcoholic Indian pile driver for a husband or for a boyfriend, that part, that's all fine with you. You got no qualms about that. No problems, no philosophical difficulties with that at all. All right. Listen, I wish you luck. Please give the kid up for adoption.

1:24:43 Caller That's what I was going to say. I mean, I wouldn't kill him if anything happened.

1:24:46 Adam Good. Please. I love you. Give that kid up for adoption. Give yourself up for adoption while you're over there. Can you do that?

1:24:53 Caller Yeah.

1:24:54 Adam Yeah, you're 16. You could do that.

1:24:56 Caller Yeah.

1:24:56 Adam I'm sorry for what your parents did for you. Don't screw up your life in this next crucial few years. You can make decisions here that'll ruin the rest of your life or you can make decisions that'll leave it wide open for you.

1:25:09 Caller So me and him, do you think we're pretty much over? I hope so.

1:25:11 Adam I hope so. I really do. He's not a good guy. You don't need him.

1:25:16 Drew You don't need any guy.

1:25:17 Adam You need you and no kids and no guy. Take care.

1:25:20 Hello. This is GIO Radio. Love Line will be right back.

1:26:04 Adam Hey, everybody. Loveline. Hello, Adam. That's the Drewster over there.

1:26:11 Drew Drewster Cogburn.

1:26:12 Adam Drewster Cogburn. Yeah, the Shootist was the name of that John Wayne film I was corrected on. And I think he still played Rooster Cogburn in it. Oh, who cares?

1:26:21 Caller Whatever.

1:26:22 Adam Wait a minute. I didn't mean to press that one. I meant to push this one. Ben?

1:26:27 Caller Yes.

1:26:27 Adam You're 22?

1:26:29 Caller Yeah, I am.

1:26:30 Caller What's up?

1:26:31 Caller How's it going?

1:26:33 Caller Good.

1:26:33 Caller I'm a big fan of the show.

1:26:35 Caller It's great.

1:26:36 Adam Thank you. You didn't have a question, did you?

1:26:40 Caller Yes, I do, actually.

1:26:42 Adam What is it?

1:26:43 Caller It's kind of a...

1:26:44 Adam Embarrassing?

1:26:45 Caller I never thought I'd do this, but a buddy of mine said that I should because he didn't know and he was pretty close with me. I figured I could ask him. Anyway.

1:26:54 Drew You're gay, right?

1:26:55 Caller No. Let's get right down to it. I'm too big for my girlfriend.

1:27:01 Caller You are a bare-faced liar.

1:27:03 Adam Right. Penis is too big.

1:27:06 Caller You know, I wish it wasn't, but it is.

1:27:09 Drew Well, again, that's the more common call we get on the show from the women, which is not that there's too little penis, but too much.

1:27:15 Caller Yeah.

1:27:15 Drew It's uncomfortable for some women.

1:27:17 Caller My only question really is that, is she ever going to stretch out?

1:27:21 Drew No.

1:27:21 Caller I mean, for kids, like after kids?

1:27:23 Drew No. She's not going to stretch out. But she may sort of learn to accommodate this, you know, somehow.

1:27:29 Caller Yeah. She could, you know, we get past it and all.

1:27:34 Caller I'm just, well, you know, something's been on my mind.

1:27:37 Adam Here's what you need. You need lots of, lots of warming up, a lot of loosening, loosening up, limbering up.

1:27:44 Caller Yeah.

1:27:45 Adam You look at the sex as the workout, and you need to stretch out beforehand. I don't mean stretch your vagina, but I mean some oral sex, some, you know, basically foreplay, plenty of foreplay, plenty of relaxing, then plenty of lubrication, and I like to slip or elude or two, you know, a couple of Quesos, sort of, you know, take the edge off.

1:28:09 Drew Muscle relaxants.

1:28:11 Adam I find women are more receptive when they're eluded out.

1:28:14 Drew Nice. To rape?

1:28:17 Adam I don't call someone sleeping when I have, after I've drugged them and have forceful sex with them, rape. Maybe you do in your universe, but when I drug a strange woman and then have intercourse with her while she's passed out, that ain't rape where I'm from.

1:28:38 Caller Rick?

1:28:39 Caller Hello?

1:28:40 Adam You're 19?

1:28:41 Caller Yeah.

1:28:42 Caller What's up?

1:28:45 Caller Well, I'm calling. First of all, I just want to thank you guys. About two years ago, I had a little incident with my girlfriend and if it weren't for you, I'd probably be being called daddy right now. So we got that morning after pill.

1:29:01 Caller Yay.

1:29:02 Caller I learned about that on your show.

1:29:03 Caller Fantastic.

1:29:05 Adam Rick, it's guys like you, along with my big fat paycheck that make it all worthwhile for me. I really do.

1:29:12 Caller It feels good hearing that.

1:29:14 Adam Yeah. So what's up now?

1:29:15 Caller The reason I'm calling is I haven't been sexually active for about a year, and also I'm having problems with some irritation down in the mainland, you know. And my question is, is it possible that something's been laying dormant for that long?

1:29:38 Adam You haven't had sex for a year?

1:29:40 Caller Yeah.

1:29:41 Drew And what is the symptom you're having?

1:29:43 Caller It's just, it's really itchy.

1:29:45 Drew On the skin?

1:29:46 Caller There's no like, there's nothing on the surface.

1:29:49 Drew The skin itches?

1:29:50 Caller There's no rash. It's not, it's not on the skin. It's like inside.

1:29:54 Drew Does it hurt when you pee?

1:29:55 Caller Uh, no. Not really.

1:29:57 Adam Have you been masturbating?

1:29:59 Caller Um, no more than usual.

1:30:03 Drew Do you use any kind of lubricant or anything?

1:30:05 Caller No.

1:30:06 Drew Does the tip of the penis hurt or burn?

1:30:08 Caller Um, it's pretty much throughout.

1:30:10 Drew The whole length of it, there's a burning on the inside, itching on the inside. Well, that means the urethra is irritated typically, and that is often an infection. It doesn't have to be a sexually transmitted disease. Prostate inflammation can sometimes cause stuff like this.

1:30:23 Adam Yeah. I was, I'm no doctor, but from sitting here for six horrible years, I've become one. I was thinking prostate, something with the prostate. You can get a prostate infection.

1:30:34 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:30:35 Adam Screw with that urethra. So what? Go to the doctor?

1:30:39 Drew Yeah. Sometimes just taking medication that improves the bladder emptying or eliminates symptoms like that.

1:30:43 Adam Well, what's that? Where do you get that?

1:30:44 Drew Hyterine or Cardura.

1:30:45 Adam Where do you get it?

1:30:46 Drew In the doctor. Okay.

1:30:47 Adam So go to the doctor. Tony?

1:30:49 Caller I'm here.

1:30:50 Adam What's up?

1:30:51 Caller I'm wondering what it says about me that all the girls I've seen to date since I've been divorced have been raped in the past and not only have they been raped but they don't feel too awkward telling me about it within the first week.

1:31:05 Adam Yeah. That's always weird when you just want to hold your ears and run screaming from the room.

1:31:10 Caller No, actually, I'm pretty empathetic but...

1:31:12 Adam I know you are at the time but then on the drive home you're thinking, I have a screwball in my hands.

1:31:20 Drew You said you were married or break up with a girlfriend?

1:31:22 Adam He was divorced and now he's dating. Where are you meeting these women?

1:31:26 Caller Wherever. Internet, introduced by friends.

1:31:29 Drew What happened to your marriage?

1:31:32 Caller I was in the Navy and my ex-wife was cheating on me.

1:31:35 Drew Why did I know that?

1:31:36 Adam That she was cheating? I don't know. Usually when a guy is 25 and he got divorced, it's something semi-catastrophic like infidelity, went down. I don't know why, Drew. Stop looking up into the air.

1:31:50 Drew So he picks a cheater and or picks victims that needs fixing.

1:31:54 Adam Yeah.

1:31:55 Drew So either he becomes the victim or he is.

1:31:57 Adam Okay. But at 25 years old, first off, a lot of women have had one thing or another happen to them somewhere in their career.

1:32:08 Drew Yeah. But this one wasn't cheating because she told Tony repeatedly he wasn't meeting her needs. She just went on and cheated.

1:32:16 Adam Right.

1:32:16 Drew Damn you. You're away from me too much.

1:32:18 Adam Well, how do you know? Maybe she did.

1:32:20 Drew Tony does not seem like one of those guys that would not.

1:32:22 Adam If she said, here's what I need, Tony would give it to her.

1:32:25 Drew Yeah, exactly.

1:32:26 Caller Right. Yeah. I would give more of myself than probably too much.

1:32:30 Drew Codependencies.

1:32:32 Adam Okay. So you're a little bit of a fixer and you're finding projects.

1:32:38 Drew Right.

1:32:38 Adam Right.

1:32:40 Drew Was your mom an alcoholic?

1:32:41 Caller No, not at all.

1:32:41 Drew Or was she of any kind of mental illness or something?

1:32:44 Caller No. No. Really, my upbringing was pretty normal.

1:32:46 Drew Were you a caretaker in your family of some type?

1:32:48 Caller No.

1:32:49 Caller No.

1:32:51 Caller My parents got divorced when I was five, but they were both in my life, my whole life. Lots of love, lots of support.

1:32:57 Adam You can also, as a 25-year-old male, have a bad run too. Who knows? Drew has gone through a few of those.

1:33:04 Drew There's a whole body of research that suggests that kids that come from ruptured families, five, four to 10, end up feeling responsible for that, and really see some of their development towards normal, intimate relationships because of that.

1:33:18 Adam All right. I'm saying, I'm not going to read too much more into this one. Tony, here's the deal. You meet chicks on the Internet, you're going to run into a little more of this. You go out, do your thing, find chicks that you want to go out with, and I bet you'll have less of this than the Internet or the crazy friends setting you up. But either way, try not to talk when you're on the date. There you go. You just eat, just keep eating. We'll be back. Here it is. Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

1:33:50 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

1:33:52 Adam Call the Dateline.

1:33:53 Caller Call the Dateline. Call the Dateline.

1:33:55 Caller 1-877-889-DATE. Dr. Drew Loveline will be right back. So get your problems ready.

1:34:34 Adam Hey, hey, hey, Loveline. All right, that's it. That's enough show. That's two shows. Mix Master Mike will be in here tomorrow night, and until then, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:45 Drew Say swollen again? No.

1:34:47 Adam All right.

1:34:48 Drew Is she mentally retarded or something?

1:34:49 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, September 5, 2001