Episode 1000754886938

1:01 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:06 Go!

1:07 Voiceover Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:13 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, Board Certified Internist and Addiction Medicine Specialist. And it's his birthday tonight.

1:28 Drew That's right.

1:29 Adam Yeah. Woo, doggy.

1:33 Drew That low self-esteem thing where I work all day and I don't care.

1:38 Adam You didn't know it?

1:38 Yeah.

1:40 Adam Yeah, you're like me. You get a little uncomfortable if somebody tries to do something for you, but then you complain like hell when no one does anything for you. Dr. Drew.

1:51 Thank God for Dr. Drew.

1:53 Adam 50 has never looked so young. I'll tell you.

1:56 Drew That's right. If I were 50, I'd feel pretty good.

1:58 Adam Yeah. How old are you?

1:59 Drew 43.

2:00 Adam 43 years old, everybody. And let me tell you, this guy has a whole gymnasium in his house. He looks brand new. I think he's a low mileage guy.

2:10 Really?

2:11 Adam Yeah.

2:11 That's nice to hear.

2:13 Adam Yeah.

2:13 Drew How my hair turned so damn white?

2:15 Adam Yeah, but your hair is all in place. You're in great shape. There's nothing wrong with you, you know. You're holding up nicely. Oh, thanks. You still got it.

2:24 Drew Good times.

2:26 Adam Yeah, good times. Drew, Drew just asked me during the...

2:32 Drew We were obnoxious, aren't we?

2:33 Adam Yeah. Drew just asked me right before we went on if my phone came in different colors. Drew, have we run out of things to talk about? Why do you want to know if my phone comes in different colors?

2:45 Drew It's sort of a retarded color. Silver?

2:47 Adam Yeah, but let me give a tip out to all the kiddies out there. I was just thinking about this and I got to do it. I'm going to do it myself. I got to remember to do this. As a matter of fact, I'm going to write on my phone right now. Cell phones come in almost exclusively in black. Wallets come almost exclusively in black.

3:08 Drew Brown and black.

3:08 Adam I wear almost exclusively sweatpants and or pajama type, pullover type, warm up pants. Every car interior I ever sit in is black, including once in a while when we hop in the back of a town car or limousine on the way to something. Inevitably the wallet and the cell phone slide out of the loose fitting pant pockets onto the black seat. Let me tell you, I cannot spot my black leather wallet on a black leather car seat when I'm climbing out going to an airport.

3:45 Drew At night?

3:45 Adam Yes. I would like to paint my wallet Caltrans orange and also my cell phone. So the fact that it's silver and everything in my car is black is good. As you know, an idea which I pioneered years ago and it's still not caught on, but I predict one day it will, the seat gutter system for automobiles, all the change, all the cell phones, the keys, the matches, the hash pipes, all the stuff that falls out of your pockets while you're driving, will go into a small seat gutter and end up in a receptacle in the trunk of your car. What a day that would be. What a day, all those mini little mag flashlights and the coins and all the little knickknacks and the batteries and the tidbits that end up wedged between the console and your car seat, and they get in that little mechanism down there, and they get caught up in the track, and it's gone.

4:36 Drew You never see it again.

4:37 Adam No, and if you have power seats, when you look under your seat, all you see is motors, gears, and wires. You can't get your hand under there. Now, every time I get rid of a car, I also give away thousands of dollars in cash, cell phones, batteries, and goods. That's right, the car seat gutter, everyone. Now, one more thing I want to say, and then we'll move on. They did a survey, which I was... See, I predict... I think the nature of man is good. I don't think it's evil. I think it's lazy. I think usually when there's a decision to make, people err in their favor.

5:13 Drew Unless they're angry.

5:14 Adam But I think generally when you drop your wallet, your cell phone or your keys, 75 to 80% of the people that come across it first would like to get it back to you. But if they have no way to get it back to you, they quickly lose interest.

5:28 Drew Quickly, yeah.

5:29 Adam They did a little test. I don't think everyone's evil. I don't think everyone that finds a wallet or cell phone is gonna keep it for themselves. I mean, just think about all the people you know. They found some keys or wallet. They'd like to get it back to whoever the rightful owner was. They did a little test where they put these identification tags on everything, you know, if found call, and they started throwing stuff all around the valley, and about 80% of the people called. Wow. So everyone just put your name and your number on your cell, you know, put on your wallet and your cell phone and all that stuff.

5:59 Drew I drove onto the freeway with my wallet on top of my car once and it fell off, and the guy picked it up and called me.

6:04 Adam There you go. Good times. He later went over and raped Drew's wife when he found the address off his driver's license. But still, he got the wallet back and it was a small price to pay.

6:14 Drew 20 years ago.

6:15 Adam Dominique?

6:16 Ella?

6:17 Adam Year 14?

6:18 Yeah.

6:18 Adam What's up?

6:20 Well, my penis was kind of curved and it's been like that for a couple of years. I don't know what's up with that.

6:26 Drew How, what direction is it curving?

6:28 To the left.

6:29 Drew All right. Some curve is normal. Is there any problem with erections?

6:32 Well, it's just curved when it's erected.

6:35 Drew No, but is it hurt or do you have trouble getting an erection or sustaining an erection?

6:39 Not really.

6:39 Drew All right. So they made us have a little curve. Sometimes 800 units of vitamin E a day will help diminish that. There's something called Peyronie's disease where it can really start to affect your-

6:48 Adam That can't work.

6:49 Drew Yeah, they say it does. So try the little vitamin E. Start dressing to the other side.

6:55 Adam Do you know what that means, Dominic?

6:58 No.

6:59 Adam Is your name Dominic?

7:01 Yeah.

7:02 Adam Jesus Christ. Doesn't that say Dominique?

7:04 Drew Yes, it does.

7:06 Adam Listen, all right, you're lucky I can't remember your name, Damian, because nobody spells worse than me, but possibly Damian or phone screener. Yeah, put your penis to the other side.

7:17 All right.

7:18 Adam You know, in your pants?

7:19 Yeah.

7:20 Adam See, we can start training it the other way.

7:22 Okay.

7:23 Adam All right, good times.

7:24 And-

7:24 Drew He doesn't use vitamin E. He's going to yell something now.

7:27 Adam How many tablets is 800 units of vitamin E?

7:30 Drew One, those big lob long ones, or two of the little rounder ones.

7:33 All right.

7:35 Drew There goes.

7:36 Adam It's always great with vitamin E when you belch up the fish guts later. Is that E?

7:40 Drew No.

7:41 Adam No, that's A?

7:42 Drew That's fish oil.

7:43 Adam A and D? D? What's the fish oil?

7:45 Drew There's the fatty acids, the-

7:49 Adam But what's the one that tastes like cod liver oil?

7:51 Drew Yeah, that's the fish oil.

7:52 Adam Is that A and D? There's a number to it. I swear to Christ, there's a letter designated to it. Go ahead, Dominic.

8:00 Since it's like Dr. Drew's birthday, can we play the Dr. Drew mix tonight?

8:03 Adam Yeah, that's a good call. Make a note of that, Anderson. We'll play Dr. Drew's, play the boogie or the shuffle tonight.

8:11 Drew Especially in honor of Carrot Top making such a huge comeback these days.

8:15 Adam Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot Carrot Top was in there. Let me tell you something, I am losing my mind. I got home today, I checked my caller ID. I saw a number on there and I thought, hey, that's a familiar number. Who is that? Your number. It was bothering me. Yeah, it was bothering me. And I was like, who's been calling me? And then all the scenarios started going through my head. Oh, ex-girlfriends, who could this be? Something provocative perhaps. So I finally call it. I hear my cell phone ringing in the bathroom. Cell phone, my own cell phone number I call. This is what happens when you get older. You're laughing, but this is nothing. No, I don't even smoke much pie.

8:54 Hi, this is Adam. Please leave a message.

8:56 Drew Give me a second. I want you guys to notice, look what he's written on his phone. Look, you can't see, he's written on his phone. If found, please call. You're going to come up with a number?

9:04 Adam I can give a number, yeah. Chelsea?

9:07 Yeah.

9:08 Adam You're 16. What's up?

9:11 Caller When I masturbate, it doesn't feel good.

9:15 Adam All right.

9:15 Drew What are you doing?

9:17 Caller Just rubbing my clit and sometimes inserting a finger, but it hurts.

9:24 Drew It hurts when you insert something, or it hurts when the whole thing hurts?

9:27 Both.

9:29 Adam Seems like she's covering the basics with the rubbing the clit and inserting the finger. Maybe you're not into this yet.

9:38 Uh, possibly.

9:39 I don't know.

9:40 Adam Have you had sex?

9:41 Yeah.

9:42 Adam Do you enjoy that?

9:43 Yeah.

9:44 Adam You do?

9:45 Yes.

9:45 Adam Have you had an orgasm with sex?

9:48 Yes.

9:49 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

9:50 Caller Yes.

9:51 Drew You know, I wonder, you know, we're learning so much about the effects of estrogen and progesterone on women and their sexual responsiveness. Progesterone can make it uncomfortable to stimulate the clitoris sometimes in some women.

10:03 Adam What do you mean? Why uncomfortable?

10:05 Drew It just feels like not right, like uncomfortable. I know it's hard to imagine as a male, but they are influenced by these hormones rather profoundly. And I wonder if they start to estrogenize more fully as they hit towards the end of adolescence. And you know, the adrenal glands are producing a bunch of androgens. They're sort of one of the influence of more androgens at that age.

10:24 Adam Maybe her foo foo is just sore. Hey, Chelsea?

10:30 Yeah.

10:31 Adam I think this is a sign that maybe it's a little early for you and you're not ready for this.

10:37 Okay.

10:38 Adam I mean, I'm not trying to be condescending, but a lot of women we speak to don't really get into their masturbatorial stride. They don't hit it until 25, 26, you know, they hit it a little bit later in life. And 16 is a little bit young, and your vagina is telling you, it's not that into it.

10:55 Drew It's very different than for men. It may be some of these hormonal influences. It may be the fact that you need more input from sort of an emotional experience. There's various reasons for this.

11:04 Adam But what's the feeling? Do you feel aroused and then you go try it and it's uncomfortable?

11:09 Caller Yeah. It's just like, it's like, when I do it, it's like sore.

11:14 Adam Okay. All right. Listen, hold on a sec. I think she helped make my point that maybe she wasn't ready.

11:21 Drew Yeah. But the women, really, women. Listen, you put woman on Zoloft or Prozac. That's kind of the way they complain about it. Right.

11:30 Adam Okay. She's getting regular sex. Are you getting regular sex from your boyfriend? Yeah. And you have the orgasm? Yeah.

11:38 Drew Really?

11:38 Adam Really? Yeah. Through intercourse?

11:41 Yeah.

11:41 Drew No.

11:42 Yeah.

11:43 Drew No.

11:44 Adam Yeah?

11:44 Drew Say yeah again. I don't know how far she would go with that.

11:47 Adam Drew's birthday. Indulge him.

11:51 Drew I don't believe that.

11:52 Adam Do you for sure have an orgasm?

11:54 Yes.

11:56 Adam How do you know?

11:59 Because I do.

12:01 Adam Okay. And what about through oral sex? Do you have an orgasm?

12:05 Caller No.

12:06 Adam Only through the intercourse?

12:07 Yes.

12:08 Adam Okay. How often do you have sex with him?

12:13 Caller Like once a week.

12:15 Adam All right. Have you seen a doctor? You get a pelvic exam?

12:19 Caller Yeah.

12:20 Adam All right. And are you on the pill?

12:23 Caller Yes.

12:25 Adam Okay.

12:25 Drew Oh, you're on the pill? What pill are you taking?

12:28 Caller I'm taking the one that like helps your face too.

12:33 Drew The triphasic pill?

12:34 Caller Yeah.

12:35 Drew All right. Okay. The pill might be doing some of that to you too. Sometimes women complain about that, but not usually that pill, interestingly.

12:41 Adam Well, stay on the pill, and you're getting your orgasm once a week from your boyfriend. So, you know, good times. You're way ahead of the game, by the way. Adriana?

12:51 Yeah.

12:52 Adam You're 26?

12:53 Caller That's correct.

12:54 Adam What's up? Boy, you angry or what's up with you? No, no.

12:57 Caller I'm just falling asleep here. I've been unhelpful for a while.

13:01 Adam All right. Go ahead.

13:02 Caller First of all, happy birthday to Dr. Drew.

13:05 Adam Yeah.

13:05 Caller Drew? Yeah.

13:06 Drew Thank you.

13:06 Caller Dr. Drew.

13:08 Drew Adriana?

13:09 Caller He looks wonderful, especially for his age.

13:11 Drew Yeah. Such a man of such advanced age. Thank you.

13:13 Adam Hold up nicely. Yeah. Him and John Forsythe.

13:15 Drew Thank you. Before it falls apart.

13:17 Ow!

13:18 Drew Jerry Lewis pretty soon. Did you see him on the telephone?

13:21 Adam Jerry, Jerry Lewis' head just looked like a, like a five-gallon bucket. It's like someone put a five-gallon bucket over his head and painted his face on it. I mean, a huge head. Something happened to his head. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

13:38 Drew Anyway, I saw Tony Danza singing, which was quite an aside. Going up to him and say, we're thoughts are with you. Hope you're okay. I thought, what's going on with him?

13:46 Adam With Jerry?

13:47 Drew Yeah.

13:48 Adam He has gigantism of the head.

13:50 Yeah.

13:51 Adam A human bloating syndrome or something.

13:54 What's up?

13:55 Adam I saw Tony Danza on there like tap dancing and singing, and I realized, jeez, these guys are such hacks, they're horrible singers, they're horrible dancers. And then I realized, you know why these people all agree to do the telethon?

14:08 Drew To try these things.

14:09 Adam No one else will let them sing.

14:10 Drew Yeah, try out things they always wanted to do.

14:12 Adam Yeah, there's no way you can go on Letterman or Leno and sing because you can't sing.

14:16 Drew He was preceded by Charo.

14:18 Adam Did she sing?

14:19 Drew Were we just not talking about her?

14:20 Adam Yes, we were.

14:21 Drew Isn't that weird?

14:22 Adam Yes. Yes. Adriana? I'm sorry. Go ahead.

14:26 Drew We digress.

14:27 Caller Okay. I got a question for you guys. I'm 26, so that's kind of old for having those kind of problems, I think. But for some reason, I can't get an orgasm with a guy.

14:39 Drew How about by yourself?

14:41 Caller No problem. No problem at all.

14:44 Drew Do you have any problems with men?

14:46 Caller No, not at all. That's even more scary because I never had a problem with getting a guy or anything like that.

14:54 Drew The relationships are good?

14:56 Caller Pretty much, yeah. I mean, good as, you know, as bad relationships go.

15:03 Adam What technique do you use when you give yourself the orgasm?

15:06 Caller Oh, God, you don't want to know. Just like the flashback, I've never actually enjoyed it first. And I spoke about it with my gynecologist, and she actually got me into it. She said, maybe you should start masturbating and stuff. So I kind of tried, and it's more like, you know, kind of playing with the shower and stuff like that.

15:29 Adam With the water?

15:30 Caller Yeah.

15:31 Drew Why are you so ashamed of that? Why do you think we wouldn't want to? First of all, we hear about that all the time.

15:34 Adam Well, hold on. I don't think she's ashamed about it. She's talking to her gynecologist about masturbating.

15:39 Drew Yeah, but she said, oh, you wouldn't want to hear about it.

15:41 Adam Well, she told us.

15:43 Caller You know, when I talk about it with my friends, they're like, you're doing what?

15:46 Drew No, not for us. That's our producer, Ann Method. That's the patented method of the show.

15:53 Adam But Drew, you make a horrible point because she just told us what it was, and she's being very forthright. So we appreciate that.

16:01 Caller That's the only way I can get an orgasm, though.

16:04 Drew Can you incorporate that into whatever you're doing with a guy?

16:10 Caller I've never actually tried because my last boyfriend wasn't really into it. Then the guy before that, he was basically jealous of it.

16:22 Adam Of the showerhead?

16:22 Drew Yeah.

16:23 Adam I understand.

16:24 Caller He was like, why would you do this?

16:26 Drew But you're describing two guys that are suspect?

16:30 Adam Well, you said, do you have any trouble with guys? She said, I have no trouble getting guys, which is an interesting twist, but not the right answer.

16:40 Caller I thought maybe this is like a psychological thing.

16:42 Drew Yes, and we're exploring that with you. And do you understand what Adam is saying even?

16:47 Caller Yeah.

16:48 Drew We asked, what's he saying?

16:50 Caller What do you mean what he's saying?

16:51 Adam All right, hold on. Drew, I know it's your birthday, but shut up. Jesus Christ. Let me get some quick answers out of you.

16:57 Caller Okay.

16:58 Adam Where are you from?

16:59 Caller What do you mean where I'm from? Chicago?

17:01 Adam Where's your nationality?

17:04 Drew Poland.

17:04 Adam Oh, Poland.

17:05 Caller When it comes to sex, there's no difference than here.

17:08 Adam Well, yeah, but you got Polox over there trying to have sex. I mean, that's a disaster. Putting it in your belly button, in your ear, in your nostril. I've heard all the jokes. Oh, yeah. Okay. How's your dad?

17:24 Caller He was never really in my life ever.

17:27 Adam Okay. Did you have any step dads, any male influence? How were they? Alcoholics?

17:34 Caller No, they were fine. I mean, there was one time when I actually got abused by him, but just once, I don't think it should have any effect, because I thought about that too.

17:44 Drew What did he do to you?

17:46 Caller Um, a friend of his was kind of trying to become too close to me.

17:53 Drew How old were you?

17:54 Caller Um, about 17, 16.

17:57 Drew That's got to affect you. Maybe not total meltdown, profoundly affect you, but it has to have an influence.

18:03 Adam Why did he abuse you when his friend was trying to get too close to you?

18:07 Caller It was more like, you know, he had a little bit to drink, and uh...

18:10 Drew He got together with his friend.

18:11 Caller We got into the fight about this.

18:14 Drew And by the way, you can go on and tell us he's an alcoholic. That's fine.

18:18 Caller He's not, seriously, he's not. He just, I mean, ever since this incident, he doesn't drink at all.

18:24 Adam Okay, all right.

18:25 Caller He's a really good guy.

18:26 Adam But your real dad, you don't know your real dad.

18:29 Caller I do know him. It's just that I-

18:31 Adam He abandoned the family.

18:32 Caller Yeah, I left Poland. He was never really, you know, he was never really a dad for me.

18:38 Adam Okay.

18:38 Caller And I left the country and I've been for the past 10 years.

18:43 Adam That's enough to have a little, some, some male issues. I don't know that it's blocking your orgasm, but you may be choosing guys.

18:50 Caller Yeah.

18:51 Adam You need to find a guy who's going to work with you.

18:53 Drew Right. You're choosing a not so good guy, not available guys.

18:55 Adam You're choosing bad guys who don't want to work with you.

18:57 Drew Right. The first guy, he's not really into sex. Really? So what's up with him? Second guy, what was it that she said? He was jealous of a shower. Sounds like a dynamite guy.

19:09 Adam Okay. Here's the deal. You have to think of your vagina as having special needs, like a retarded child.

19:18 Drew Special needs vagina?

19:19 Adam Yeah. You have a special vagina.

19:22 Drew Special needs.

19:22 Adam Like your vagina is Down syndrome, and you can't just take the Down syndrome, like a Down syndrome kid or kid with a learning disorder.

19:29 Drew Excuse me. It's orgasmically challenged.

19:31 Adam Orgasmically challenged vagina, retarded vagina, as we call it on the street.

19:36 Drew Excuse me.

19:36 Adam You cannot just take that child and throw it in in a regular class at a public school. It's not going to get the attention that it needs. It requires somebody with a little more patience and a little more technique.

19:47 Drew Special training.

19:48 Adam And some special training.

19:49 Drew Special ed training.

19:51 Adam That's right. Special ed. Perhaps a guy named Ed. Brandon? So you need to find that guy.

19:57 Drew I need to make better choices. I'm going to pay attention to that. It's like that's the language she can't even talk. Oh, guys, no problem. I get them.

20:04 Adam Yeah. Well, listen, this is not her first language. She probably misunderstood.

20:09 Drew Figure out what you want in a guy and go get that.

20:12 Adam Well, no. Figure out what I want you to want in a guy and go get that.

20:16 Drew That would be better. Brandon, what's up?

20:19 I was wondering how effective the morning after pill was.

20:21 Drew Overall, it's about 70 percent effective if taken within three days. Some of the data looks like if you take it within 24 hours, it's about 90 percent effective, about 80 percent within 48, and then 70 percent overall.

20:34 Okay.

20:34 Drew Why? What's up?

20:35 Oh, I was just wondering for a friend. All right.

20:38 Drew Do it quick. Sooner the better.

20:40 Okay. Happy birthday, Drew.

20:42 Drew Thanks, Brandon.

20:42 All right.

20:43 Adam Take care of everybody.

20:44 All right.

20:44 Adam Good times. It's Dr. Drew's birthday. Tonight, y'all, we're going to hear the Dr. Drew boogie, maybe the Dr. Drew shuffle at some point.

20:53 Drew Right now before we go to break?

20:55 Adam Let's do it and then that'll send us into break.

20:58 Drew Yeah.

20:59 Adam What do you say?

20:59 Caratop is the man.

21:02 Drew What's that?

21:04 Adam You want to hear the boogie or the shuffle?

21:06 Drew That's the one that starts with the caratop. I was born, so I had anal sex. Gee, it hurts.

21:31 Adam I'm still a virgin.

21:32 Drew Tried to be straight, or I thought I should be straight, and I was confused. Pardon me. You know, pee on this makes me sick. It hurts when I urinate. It makes me sick. The anal sect makes me sick. This guy's penis makes me sick.

22:07 1-800-LOVE-191.

22:39 Adam Oh, I had a nice fart going here.

22:42 Drew Oh, no, no, it's my birthday, too.

22:43 Oh, too bad.

22:49 Drew Could you see it moving across? You seem to indicate exactly when it arrived. Could you see it moving?

22:56 Adam I know by your distance you're about two and a half flaps away.

23:02 Drew That second wave was a killer.

23:03 Adam I was sitting in my partner Jimmy Kimmel's office today farting it up in there. And he paid me. Oh, come on, Drew, seriously now, get serious. Come on, grow up for a minute. I'm telling a story. He paid me one of the highest compliments a man has ever paid me, which is he said that my farts are now smelling really bad, whereas they didn't in the past. And I think he meant it. I don't think he was just saying that.

23:30 Drew It's like telling a picture is really getting his form down.

23:32 Adam Well, really good. Yeah. I had two guys in the office. I stunk them both out of there.

23:37 Caller Yeah, you'll tell an ass clump.

23:39 Drew This one is impressive. This is big lift.

23:43 Adam Yeah.

23:43 Drew You're pitching to the majors now.

23:46 Adam Then Jimmy went and crapped up his bathroom. Then 10 minutes later, he walked into the kitchen, and he stopped and he announced, hey, made it into the kitchen. It was a certain glee in his voice. Yeah. Melissa?

24:00 Yes.

24:01 Adam You're 23?

24:02 Caller Yes.

24:03 Adam Come on, Drew, shut the door and grow up now. Go ahead.

24:05 Caller No telling ass clown.

24:07 Drew Oh my God.

24:08 What's up?

24:09 I just wanted to ask Dr. Drew a question. When I was 16, they found a five centimeter cyst connected to my fallopian tubes and my ovaries. And I'm just wondering how hard it would be to get pregnant now.

24:23 Drew Have no effect on it.

24:24 There's no effect on it.

24:24 Drew No effect.

24:25 Okay. So I still would have the same chances.

24:27 Drew Absolutely.

24:28 If it wasn't even there.

24:29 Drew Yep.

24:30 Okay. The only reason I'm asking is I'm seeing a guy who doesn't like to work on them.

24:34 Drew You must like to have babies then. Yeah.

24:37 That's what I was.

24:38 Drew And you must like to be exposed to God knows what. But you mean you believe the cyst is still there? No.

24:43 I know the cyst is not there. I know they've taken it off. But I'm just, because you told me that I had a 50% chance of getting pregnant now. And I'm just wondering if that's true or not.

24:54 Drew What do you mean a 50% chance of getting pregnant? What do you mean a 50% chance?

24:57 Adam Of being ill to get pregnant?

24:59 Right.

24:59 Drew That doesn't make sense. Even if they took the ovary out altogether, you'd have...

25:02 No, they didn't take the ovary out.

25:03 Drew Even if they did, it wouldn't affect your chance of getting pregnant.

25:05 Adam No, they didn't take it out.

25:07 Drew Even if they did, it wouldn't affect your chance of getting pregnant. But they didn't take it. It might slightly affect it.

25:12 Adam What are you using for birth control?

25:14 Well, we haven't done anything.

25:16 Drew Why don't you go on the pill?

25:19 I want to because I need to regulate my periods anyway because I don't have them normally.

25:23 Drew You may be proud of this.

25:25 They usually have me on Provera. I haven't gone back to the doctor to get any more.

25:29 Caller All right.

25:30 Drew Get on the pill. That would be better.

25:32 Okay.

25:32 Adam All right. Hey, good times.

25:36 Happy birthday, Drew.

25:36 Drew Thanks, Melissa.

25:37 Bye.

25:38 Adam Hey, Drew, is there 10 millimeters in a centimeter?

25:42 Drew Yes.

25:42 Adam There is?

25:43 Drew Yes.

25:43 Adam I mean, that's all those metric things work.

25:45 Drew Right.

25:45 Adam Tens, right?

25:46 Drew Tens, tens. Yeah.

25:46 Adam Okay.

25:47 Drew Why?

25:48 Adam I mean-

25:49 Drew You're talking about the cyst size, right?

25:51 Adam She was talking about her size, her cyst size. I was trying to figure out how big it was. Said it was five centimeters, right? Wait a minute. That's good size. It's like two and a half, two inches or something.

26:05 Drew Oh, jeez.

26:06 Adam No, I didn't fart again, but I might. You never know. It's your birthday. I got a present cooking in the colon.

26:14 No talent ass clown.

26:16 Adam Anderson does not like farting.

26:19 Drew I know. That's why you guys don't like each other.

26:20 Adam That's why we couldn't hang out.

26:21 That's it right there.

26:22 Adam To me, it's like I'm a Black Panther and he's a Klansman. Ryan?

26:31 Yeah.

26:31 Adam You're 28?

26:32 Caller Yeah.

26:33 Adam What's up?

26:33 Caller Not much. First of all, I want to say happy birthday to Dr. Drew.

26:36 Drew Mayor Ryan, what's up?

26:38 Caller My main question is, my wife and I have been married for about five years, and she took the Depo-Provera shot after my son was born. She was on it for four years. Wow. We decided in April, she was going to go off of it so we could try to have another kid.

26:55 Drew Yeah.

26:56 Caller My question is, how long before, on average, her body will start having her periods and all that back?

27:05 Drew How old is she?

27:07 Caller She just turned 30.

27:09 Drew On average, the majority have restored normal cycling and fertility within six months.

27:15 Caller Okay.

27:15 Drew On average. It can be three months, can be longer.

27:19 Caller Her doctor said it would take a year minimal.

27:22 Drew After four years. I bet you six months.

27:26 Caller We're looking at possible six months. Yeah.

27:28 Adam You want to have more kids?

27:29 Caller Yeah. We're talking about having another one.

27:31 Drew I think a year you can rely on things being back in line.

27:34 Adam Just start humping.

27:35 Drew I wouldn't say a year minimum.

27:36 Caller We do. Okay.

27:37 Adam Good times. But I mean, you start humping and maybe you get her pregnant in six months and maybe it happens in a year.

27:44 Drew I think I'd count on six months. I really would. I think things may not be as good as a year, but six months where you start normalizing.

27:51 Adam All right. Hey, good times. Right?

27:54 Drew Oh man, Adam, things lingering.

27:56 Adam It was a very interesting fart.

27:58 Drew No, interesting. It does not have a lot of personality. Yes.

28:02 Adam A lot of personality.

28:03 Drew Yes. Oh, yes.

28:04 Adam Yeah.

28:05 Drew Quite a bouquet.

28:06 Adam Yeah. I've really been going to town lately. It's been.

28:10 Drew Showmanship.

28:11 Adam Hey, look, it's a gene. It's like you love opera. I love gas. I've always had it.

28:18 Hey, real quick, I picture Ku Klux Klan guys sitting around farting and talking about it much more than Black Panthers. I just got to say that.

28:25 Adam So you're saying I would be the Klansman. I'd be the Klansman and you'd be the Black Panther?

28:29 Right.

28:30 Adam Yeah. You don't hear about black guys farting that much. I think their hair absorbs it too much or something. I know it's a theory. I haven't worked it out yet.

28:40 But don't you have an afro? So that makes no sense.

28:42 Adam Yeah. I was thinking like a big Dr. J in the 70s type afro would really absorb a fart, you know, because your hair collects the smell. You know, it smells like cigarettes or gas or whatever.

28:54 Drew Ionizing instrument.

28:55 Adam But there's a lot of black guys with shaved heads. They just don't seem to be into gas that much.

29:00 Drew I'm glad to hear that.

29:01 Adam Yeah. Julia?

29:03 Yeah.

29:03 Adam You're 22.

29:04 Caller I am.

29:05 Adam What's up?

29:06 Caller How are you guys doing?

29:07 Drew Good.

29:07 Caller Happy birthday to you.

29:08 Drew Thanks, Julia.

29:09 Caller I just have a quick question. Well, recently, I, well, like in the last, less than a year ago, discovered that I'm bisexual. And it was really confusing and everything. You know, I went through the hole. Do I even like guys?

29:22 Drew At 21. At 21, you discovered this.

29:26 Caller I kind of grew up in a small town where that wasn't really accepted.

29:29 Drew What happened exactly?

29:31 Caller Well, I kind of, you know, like growing up, I kind of realized that I would look at girls differently than everybody else would. But I kind of ignored it, pushed it down. And then I moved away to a bigger city and, you know, just kind of let it run loose and had experiences and realized that I liked it.

29:50 Drew You had multiple experiences with women.

29:51 Caller Yeah.

29:52 Drew How do you know you're not lesbian?

29:54 Caller Well, that's my question because I went through that whole question. But I do, for sure, I do like males. Like I know that now, I have a crush on Adam.

30:04 Drew Well, that's not a good sign. But here's one of the sort of deciding votes for me is whether or not you really just have confusion. And if you were sexually abused in childhood, that sort of is what causes confusion.

30:17 Caller Well, tell me if you see this as sexual abuse, because I don't know. When I was younger, like when I was not preteen, but like very early teenage hood, I had an older boyfriend and we were sexual.

30:31 Drew How old?

30:32 Caller And I was consenting, but I know that I was really young.

30:35 Drew And how old was he?

30:36 Caller He was 18.

30:38 Drew How old were you?

30:39 Caller 13.

30:42 Drew That's not abuse. It just means-

30:43 Caller I knew what I was doing.

30:45 Drew Yeah. It's more like you got some real issues with dad.

30:47 Caller Yeah, I do.

30:48 Drew What's going on with dad?

30:51 Caller Well, I've been dealing with it for a while now. I mean, it was a lot of years ago.

30:54 Drew What's the deal?

30:56 Caller I have a few issues with sex in itself. I'm not really sure how to identify them.

31:03 Adam All right, hold on. I was just having a theory here, Drew, thought.

31:07 Drew You're going to fart again?

31:08 Adam Black guy's hair collecting gas?

31:10 Drew Yeah.

31:10 Adam No. The thought is, is, you know, there's two types of gays.

31:16 Drew Yeah.

31:16 Adam You got your- Created genetics, gay, and then you got your created in the lab sexual abuse, overdomineering mom, what have you, males and females. You can create it in the environment or God can make you gay. Yeah. It's about 50-50, if you ask me. Half the gays walking around the planet were created in the lab, and the other half were created in the clouds.

31:40 Drew We tend to talk more on the radio here, the ones that are created.

31:43 Adam Yeah, maybe 65-35. But the point is, is bisexuals almost by definition had to be created in the lab.

31:51 Drew That's usually the experience, yeah.

31:53 Adam Because if they were really biologically gay, they would just be gay.

31:59 Drew Well, what if they came from an extremely rigid hyper-religious environment where they couldn't admit to being gay?

32:04 Adam Well, maybe.

32:05 Drew You know what I mean? That's also sort of created by, isn't it?

32:08 Adam But by age 20-something would have committed.

32:11 Drew Yeah.

32:12 Adam I would think.

32:13 Drew And it's still a sort of created by. You know what I mean? That's not genetically by. That's genetically gay with a by environment.

32:19 Adam Right. We usually think of created as going the other way around.

32:22 Drew Yeah.

32:22 Adam It's interesting. But I almost think by definition, by was created in the environment.

32:29 Drew Right.

32:29 Adam Because you'd be one or the other.

32:31 Caller Right.

32:31 Adam All right. So you handle-

32:33 Drew She was going to tell us what the deal was with that.

32:35 Adam Right.

32:36 Caller I'm sorry?

32:36 Drew What's the deal with dad?

32:37 Caller With what?

32:38 Drew Dad.

32:39 Caller With dad?

32:40 Adam Dad.

32:41 Drew You were in the middle of telling us that story.

32:44 Caller It wasn't my dad.

32:46 Adam No, she was going to tell us about her sexuality or something. But what else? What else bad happened to you?

32:53 Caller That's it.

32:54 Adam So you had the 18-year-old when you were 13. Your dad's good? You love him? No, no.

32:59 Drew She said he's-

33:01 Caller I love him.

33:01 Caller He's an alcoholic.

33:03 Drew You said there was a problem.

33:04 Adam There you go, baby.

33:06 Caller I don't live with them. So I don't- I'm not really subjected to it much. And when I was really young, he didn't drink at all.

33:13 Adam Okay. But you didn't grow up with him?

33:15 Caller Yeah, I did.

33:16 Adam But you don't live with him now?

33:17 Caller No, I don't.

33:18 Adam Yeah. But we're not talking about what's going on now. We're talking about the seed, the by seed that was planted in you early. So he may have planted that seed.

33:27 Caller He?

33:28 Adam Yeah. He being your dad?

33:30 Caller Right. But how would he do that?

33:32 Adam Well, I just mean that growing up with an alcoholic dad can help with the bisexuality. It just does. Anything. Here's what I want to say to everybody. Anything different screws with your sexuality. Okay. You could have been molested.

33:50 Drew Any trauma? Yeah.

33:53 Adam Anything different actually.

33:54 Drew Well, I mean, no trauma really.

33:56 Adam Well, it's all trauma. Anything different is trauma. But here's my point. Being molested or physically, sexually abused is a direct correlation to your sexuality. But having an alcoholic dad or being physically abused or being emotionally abused, that screws with the sexuality too. And once you screw with the sexuality, you go by.

34:19 Drew Okay. Pretty simple, huh? Nice equation there, Adam.

34:22 Adam All right. But here's the point. You're into whatever you're into and that's what you're into.

34:27 Drew I got a feeling that you're more gay.

34:30 Caller I sometimes feel that way too.

34:31 Drew Yeah, that's just my sense on you. Or that...

34:34 Caller But why do you think that?

34:36 Drew Just a feeling. Just talking to you. And then...

34:39 Caller I've had way more male relationships than female.

34:42 Adam Yeah, but that was early and now you're catching up with the chicks. Okay. Plus guys are easier to bag.

34:49 Drew And you really have a ton of stuff with dad, whether you want to deal with that or not, there's a lot there. And thank you, sweet spirits, that you can either deal with that or not.

34:58 Caller Okay.

34:59 Adam Yeah. Isn't it? Isn't it easier pickings?

35:01 Caller But how do you deal with that?

35:02 Adam Well, go to therapy, go to a little therapy.

35:04 Drew Al-Anon Therapy. Well, Adam, how dare you?

35:08 Caller No, I just can't afford that.

35:10 Drew Well, listen. Al-Anon then, Al-Anon.

35:11 Adam You can't afford not to go.

35:14 Drew You can't handle it.

35:16 Adam Write that down, Drew.

35:17 Drew All right.

35:18 Adam All right. That's Drew's birthday, everybody.

35:20 Drew That's right. Good times.

35:21 Adam I'm going to work up another present for him.

35:23 Drew Oh, can't you know? Listen. Oh, my God.

35:27 Adam You say swallowing air gives you gas? Let me try.

35:30 Drew Stop. John, 24. Get him talking again. Shouldn't be hard. What's up, John? Up, John?

35:41 Adam I'm swallowing air.

35:42 Drew I know you are. We don't have a call.

35:43 Adam I'm getting a head rush. John?

35:47 Drew John, there he is.

35:47 Adam Oh, wait a minute. I gave myself a head rush swallowing that air. John?

35:51 Caller Yeah.

35:52 Adam What's up?

35:53 24.

35:55 Caller I'm involved with the older woman.

35:57 Caller I'm attracted to older women.

35:58 Drew All right. Good times.

36:00 Adam How old?

36:02 Caller Just over 30. All right.

36:04 Adam That's good. You're 24. No big deal.

36:07 Drew What's the question?

36:08 Caller Well, I just wanted to know why.

36:12 Drew I don't know. We like women over 32.

36:14 Adam Yeah. That's your thing. That's fine.

36:19 Drew In fact, let's just talk about this for a second.

36:20 Adam You like women? He doesn't like them in their 60s.

36:23 Drew No. We'll ask him.

36:25 Adam What about a nice 55-year-old?

36:29 Caller What?

36:29 Adam What about a nice 55-year-old woman? Not into that?

36:32 Caller No. Just 40s.

36:36 Adam 40s?

36:37 Caller Yeah.

36:37 Drew You're working on it.

36:38 Caller I'm involved with one now.

36:40 Adam You're involved with, you said a woman in her 30s.

36:43 Caller Yeah, 42 at this time right now.

36:48 Adam She aged like five years since we last spoke. John, what do you do for a living?

36:54 Caller I'm a student.

36:56 Adam Really?

36:56 Drew What are you studying?

36:58 Business.

36:59 Adam Where? Junior college? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can't wash the stink of the junior college off, you buddy. Okay, listen, forget about that education. You get to work. Do you hear me?

37:11 Caller Yeah.

37:11 Adam You learn a nice trade like plumbing or electrical work, and you make some money. Okay?

37:17 Caller Sounds all right.

37:18 Adam All right. Or maybe be, maybe, do DJing at weddings.

37:22 Caller Cool.

37:22 Adam That's where you're, I think that's where his calling is. Wedding DJ. Can you see John up there? This next one.

37:33 Drew How about like an auctioneer? Barker at a auction.

37:37 Adam Oh, auctioneer. Yeah. Do I hear start the bid at 50? I mean, 25. I mean, 70. Yeah. Or maybe, maybe the guy out front, the Barker, tries to get you into the porn place. Hey, forget it. All right. We're done making fun of John. What were you going to say, Drew? It's your birthday.

38:04 Drew Time to go to break.

38:05 Adam You're say something about older women or women in general.

38:09 Drew What age would you pick a sort of ideal age for a woman and a man? Let's do both. When are the men and women at their best? Not sexual partners, which is let's say dating partners.

38:21 Adam Physically, emotionally, whatever.

38:25 Drew When are men and women most attractive?

38:27 Adam Well, listen, with women, here's the deal. Physically, you go with the most attractive years. That's 11 to 13, because they're unblemished at that point. If they're nuts, they're nuts their whole life. And if they're not nuts, you don't have to worry about how old they are. So that's why I go extra young. You see what I'm saying? If daddy's screwed with them, their piece of work will be a piece of work at 19, 29, 39, and 109. See what I'm saying, Drew? Drew's Birthday Show. We'll take a break.

39:04 Caller Love Line, Love Line, 1-800-LOVE-191, we'll be right back.

39:39 Adam Hey, everybody, Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Drew over there. Big birthday today for Dr. Drew, the ageless one. And the ageless one, as far as we know. Brandon is 18 and online, too. Yeah, hey Brandon, what's up?

40:00 Caller Not much. Happy birthday, Drew.

40:02 Drew Thanks, Brandon.

40:02 Caller You don't look 43.

40:04 Drew Thank you.

40:05 Caller Adam, you're a god and you're worshiped.

40:07 Adam Thank you, thank you.

40:10 Caller Anderson, you keep me laughing all night long.

40:12 Adam He does do a good job like that.

40:13 Drew You gotta catch up there, make sure, you know.

40:15 Caller Yeah, you're scanners are having some pie back there.

40:19 Drew Oh, are they?

40:20 Caller Yeah.

40:21 Drew What's up?

40:23 Caller I'm currently like facing a lot of depression all of a sudden. And anxiety attacks, just clearly out of the blue.

40:35 Drew Do you do any ecstasy or smoke a lot of pot?

40:37 Caller Oh, never. I never touched that stuff.

40:40 Drew 18 to 22 is when that stuff tends to come on. So there you go.

40:44 Caller I have a strong religion.

40:45 Adam What is it?

40:47 Caller Latter-day Saint Mormon.

40:48 Drew All right. And what's your question?

40:51 Caller My friend Joe, he was on Prozac. He got better. And I started taking it.

40:57 Drew Prozac?

40:58 Caller Yeah.

40:58 Drew And taking his medicine?

41:01 Caller Yeah.

41:02 Drew Oh, no, no, no.

41:02 Caller A little of his extra Prozac.

41:03 Drew No, no, no, no, Brandon. No, no, no, no.

41:05 Adam Why not? Sounds smart.

41:07 Drew No. First of all, Prozac, when you're having panic attacks, can make them, panic attacks worse. So, you know, you have a serious condition. 20% of people with depression die.

41:18 Adam Well, they kill themselves. That doesn't count.

41:20 Drew That doesn't count. If I told you you had a one out of five chance dying from any condition, you'd haul your ass over the doctor as fast as you could.

41:27 Caller I get scared of doctors so easily.

41:29 Drew But you gotta go get this checked out because you should, you need to have a treat. There's no reason to suffer with this. There's so many good things to be treated with.

41:35 Adam Hold on, what's your religion have to do with this?

41:38 Drew Not doing drugs.

41:40 Adam Oh, I see. Does that have anything to do with you seeing a doctor?

41:44 Caller No, ever since I was little, I've always been afraid of doctors. I've always been afraid of bad news that they're just gonna give me.

41:53 Drew Well, you're not gonna get any bad news. You've already sort of figured out what's going on with you, what you need is some help.

42:00 Caller I know what my antidepressant is. I've been, I guess you could say, excommunicated from my best friend and I don't really have someone to talk to. Why? Dr. Drew, on a question.

42:13 Adam Why?

42:13 Drew Why did you get excommunicated from your best friend?

42:15 Caller Well, it's because she is far away and I didn't have money for the long-distance phone bills.

42:21 Drew She.

42:22 Adam How far away? Do you have a crush on her?

42:24 Caller I used to. Yeah.

42:26 Adam Where did she move to?

42:28 Caller She didn't move. We met on line.

42:31 Adam Oh, and you can't. Where does she live?

42:33 Caller Idaho.

42:34 Adam Really?

42:35 Caller Spent about $1,000 in one month.

42:38 Adam Yeah. Yeah. I remember my Catholic little brother, Nate, did that little son of a bitch. Gave my calling card. Got my phone shut off.

42:45 Caller That's what started this whole depression.

42:48 Adam How about you call her and talk to her for three minutes a day and hang up the phone? You can't discipline yourself?

42:54 Caller They've already taken away the long distance, and I have no money to buy any phone cards at all.

42:58 Drew Keep the emails going.

43:01 Caller We've been doing that for 11 months, and it just doesn't work so well.

43:04 Drew How about finding a relationship?

43:05 Adam Hold on. Wait a minute. How is your best friend living in Idaho and you've never met them?

43:10 Drew Yeah, that's the point.

43:12 Adam You've never met them?

43:13 Caller I never met her.

43:16 Adam You never met it?

43:17 Drew Why can't you find friends out here?

43:19 Caller I do have friends out here, but no one has changed my life as she has.

43:25 Adam All right. Okay, listen. First off, drop, screw Jehovah. He's punishing you. Do you understand? Yeah. This is a horrible religion. It's turned you, it's made you into a mess.

43:35 Caller No, my religion hasn't.

43:36 Adam Okay. You're 18. You're this close to killing yourself and your only friend lives in Idaho. Yeah. Good job, Jehovah. Thanks for the help, Jovi.

43:45 Caller Thank you, Anderson.

43:46 Adam Is there anything to do with the band Bon Jovi that Jehovah witnessed? Is they're connected in any way?

43:52 Caller I don't think so.

43:53 Adam Listen, forget about the religion. Go find yourself some regular 18-year-old buddies and start hanging out and live your life. Forget about this fantasy in Idaho. Go to the doctor. Yeah. You may need some medication. You've got some energy there. Ashley?

44:10 Yes.

44:10 Adam You're 18?

44:11 Caller Yes.

44:11 Adam You haven't had an orgasm since stopping using a vibrator six weeks ago?

44:16 Caller I've been around a month and a half.

44:18 Drew Yeah.

44:19 Adam Okay. I'm now holding up. I'm hanging up on you because I said six weeks ago and you said a month and a half.

44:24 Drew No, a month and a half.

44:25 Adam All right. So hold.

44:25 Caller It's the same thing.

44:27 Adam Okay.

44:29 Drew Almost redeemed yourself. No. Let's put it this way. Ashley, for the remainder of your phone call, you're not allowed to use the word no. Okay. You can use incorrect.

44:39 Adam Okay.

44:39 Drew You can use, you can use, I'm not sure.

44:42 Adam That's right.

44:42 Drew But you can't say no.

44:43 Adam No. That's right.

44:44 Caller All right.

44:45 Drew What's going on?

44:46 Caller I use the vibrator maybe three times a week for a long time, maybe a year. And I stopped using it a month ago.

44:55 Drew Why'd you stop?

44:58 Caller Because I knew that it was desensitizing me and I was addicted to it.

45:02 Drew Were you having it? Would you have a boyfriend at the time?

45:04 Caller No.

45:05 Drew Oh. I set her up for that.

45:08 Adam You tricked me.

45:09 Caller No, you tricked me.

45:09 Adam Okay.

45:10 Drew No, no, no.

45:11 Caller Okay.

45:12 Caller But I feel bad because he, it feels good, but he feels like he's not pleasing me. And it does feel good. I just, I get to the point where I'm about to have orgasm and I stop myself. Maybe I'm really self-conscious and I can't relax.

45:28 Drew Have you ever had one with a boyfriend?

45:31 Caller No.

45:32 Hmm.

45:33 Adam Do you feel like, I know this isn't a feeling, but my theory is, is maybe you don't want to give that vulnerable with the guy, like really give yourself away to him and make that connection with him?

45:46 Caller I think maybe.

45:47 All right.

45:48 Adam Have you had trouble connecting in the past with guys?

45:51 Caller No, I don't.

45:52 Adam Yeah.

45:53 Caller That's why I had a vibrator because I didn't want to go with guys. I didn't want to.

45:58 Drew Yeah. But were you, were you getting sort of compulsively involved with guys?

46:01 Caller No.

46:02 Adam Where's your dad?

46:03 Caller He's, he's in Washington.

46:07 Adam I see. And do you?

46:09 Caller Well, we're close. I lived with him for three years.

46:11 Caller Yeah.

46:11 Adam You love him? He was good to you? Anyone abandon you growing up?

46:15 Caller No.

46:16 Adam Moms around?

46:18 Caller Yeah. All right.

46:19 Adam So you lived with him. Why did you live with him for a few years?

46:22 Caller I got kicked out of school.

46:24 Caller Why?

46:25 Caller Smoking pot.

46:26 Adam Really? A bunch of times? Were you acting out?

46:29 Caller No. I don't know. I just was stupid. I was a freshman.

46:33 Drew One time you got caught with a pot and you were expelled?

46:35 Adam You had to move to Washington?

46:37 Caller Yeah. It was zero tolerance or something.

46:40 Adam Okay. Public school?

46:43 Caller Wow.

46:44 Adam Good times. All right. We're going to take a little break, Ashley. I was thinking about talking to you when we come back, but I don't think so. You're fine. You love your daddy. No, don't fake it. No, don't fake it.

46:55 Drew Keep waiting. Just give it a little more time.

46:57 Adam Just relax and get closer to the guy and give it up to him. You know what I mean? Don't worry about the intimacy.

47:03 Caller Eventually, I'll be sensitive.

47:05 Adam Yes. Yes, yes, yes. We'll be back. Okay. Hey everybody, it's Loveline. Dr. Drew's birthday. Oh, yes. Never looked better. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Just talking to Anderson about Hannibal. Hannibal, the Signs of the Lambs redo there.

48:29 Drew Yeah, and I just heard Anderson walking away saying, didn't you know this comedy?

48:33 Adam Out on video. Don't bother.

48:35 Drew A load of yucks.

48:35 Adam Please. That plot had more holes in it than the trunk pan of a 68 Chevelle that was... spent 35 winters in Detroit.

48:50 Drew Nice.

48:50 Adam Bad. Plenty of holes.

48:52 Speaking of comedies, it was a comedy, but I felt really sick sitting in the theater because I was the only person laughing, but then I read the reviews and they admit that it was a dark comedy.

49:00 Adam Really? I think they're just trying to salvage something on a really bad plot.

49:05 Drew Pauline Kale wrote it on her deathbed.

49:07 Adam It was a piece of a flaming turd, as I like to say. Chris?

49:13 Yeah.

49:13 Adam You're 22?

49:14 Caller Yeah. What's up, guys?

49:15 Adam What's up?

49:18 Caller Well, my question is, I'm pretty sure my mom needs some kind of help, and I don't really know how to go about...

49:28 Drew What's happening with her?

49:29 Caller Well, our relationship isn't what it's supposed to be, and I'm pretty sure I know why. Aha! Why? Well, she was growing up, she kind of called herself, she explained it as she was the leftover kid, and it's like, her sisters, she had two older sisters, she was the youngest, and they got all like the new clothes and stuff, and whatever they threw away, she got like the leftover, she got like the downs and all that stuff.

50:05 Adam Alright, so she's got a little victim mentality.

50:08 Caller Yeah.

50:08 Adam Well, what's it have to do with you two?

50:10 Caller Well, I'm learning about like basic needs and stuff like that in psychology right now, and things like encouragement and just like motivation maybe, stuff that she kind of, what things like I need from her, I don't have, and like because of it, I have like really low self-confidence.

50:36 Drew Where's your dad?

50:38 Caller They're both together.

50:39 Drew Does he have a relationship with him?

50:43 Caller It's really, really awkward. Why? Well, as I was growing up, he, I don't know, he's on his second marriage with me and my little brother. And I don't know, I guess I just didn't turn out the way he expected me to or whatever.

51:01 Adam Hold on. You say your mom and your dad are still together.

51:04 Drew Yeah. He's on his second marriage?

51:06 Caller Yeah.

51:07 Drew So your mom is his second marriage?

51:09 Caller Yeah.

51:11 Drew This is his second family with him as your little brother.

51:14 Adam I see. I see.

51:16 Drew And are you gay or anything? Is there something that he's really doesn't prove of?

51:20 Caller Oh, no. I have a girlfriend. I work and go to school and everything like that.

51:24 Drew This is all about you, Chris. Forget about your parents. Whatever you do, you cannot change your parents. Your mom, 10 years of therapy and hard work with her dying to change might change her, but that's not about you. That's about her. She can do that if she wishes. You've got some work to do. You're a young man. Go ahead and get some help with all these issues. A lot can be done with what you're feeling. It's quite normal as a matter of fact.

51:48 Adam Do you live at home?

51:49 Caller Yeah. I just moved back home actually.

51:52 Adam That's always bad.

51:53 Caller Yeah.

51:53 Adam You got to get out of that.

51:54 Drew You got to get out of home. You got to establish a sense of yourself separate from your family of origin.

51:57 Caller This is actually the second time I've moved back home.

52:00 Drew All right. Well, it's time to move back out as soon as you can.

52:03 Adam Yeah. Get your own place. You see your parents two, three times a year and you tolerate them.

52:08 Drew You're in school, right? So I'm sure there's mental health services at your school. Go ahead and take advantage of that.

52:15 Adam Why is your dad so disappointed? What do you think you're going to be doing?

52:17 Caller Well, I don't think he's disappointed. It's just... I guess it's kind of me too. I never really forgave him for things he did. It wasn't like sexual abuse or anything like that. It's just like he would think I would do something wrong, and no matter what I said, he wouldn't think I was lying to him, even if I didn't do it, and I'd still get...

52:41 Adam All right.

52:41 Drew Well, anyways, you've got some weak connections, and you're very focused on mom, and God knows mom maybe not helped you with your original attachments and development of self, but sort of normal for the young male to switch that attachment from mom to dad. And then when you try to do that and dad's not there, then you sort of left adrift.

52:57 Adam Okay, but here's the deal, everyone, move out. Move out. Especially if your parents aren't giving you what you need. And I know, you know, I can't afford this, I can't afford that. You can't afford not to. Did I say that already?

53:11 Drew I think I heard that once already tonight. No.

53:13 Adam I'll write that down for the second time.

53:15 Drew I did? Okay.

53:16 Adam Listen, if you got to drop out of school for a semester and go to work, fine. Get on your own and don't live under the thumb of your parents.

53:23 Drew That's part of the work of getting over how you're feeling right now.

53:25 Adam That's right. Melissa?

53:27 Yes. Yes. What's up? What I wanted to talk about is when I was 16, I had inflammation of the fallopian tubes. I went to the doctors for it and I got it treated and everything. But now I'm 20 and me and my boyfriend have been trying to have a baby for eight months now. Without using any type of protection, I'm not on the shot or anything.

53:51 Drew This is divine intervention.

53:53 Yeah.

53:54 Drew Another baby saved from a 20-year-old couple.

53:56 Adam You're 20.

53:57 Caller He's 28. He's going to be 28.

53:59 Adam Why don't you get married?

54:00 Caller We are getting married.

54:01 Drew All right.

54:02 Caller We're trying to have a family but it hasn't nothing. We don't know if there's something wrong with me.

54:07 Drew All right. You were 16 when you had this?

54:09 Caller Yeah. What was the cause? They told me it was something with my hormonal tract, but my hormones caused it.

54:15 Drew No way.

54:16 Caller Yeah. That's what the doctors told me.

54:18 Caller What?

54:19 Caller I mean, I've never had it before. It's never reoccurred.

54:21 Drew Were you sexually active at that time?

54:24 Caller No, not really. I had one boyfriend and I had only slept with him once. All right.

54:29 Drew That would be sexually active?

54:30 Caller Yeah.

54:30 Drew Okay. Did you use a condom when you were with him at one time?

54:34 Caller Yes, I did.

54:36 Drew You can get bacteria up in the high areas of the genital tract even without sort of exposure to sexually transmitted diseases. It might just be one of those things. Did they put you on antibiotics?

54:47 Caller No, I was in the hospital because the pain got so bad I had to go to the emergency room.

54:52 Drew Did they put you on antibiotics?

54:53 Caller When I was at the hospital, yes.

54:54 Drew All right. So that's pelvic inflammatory disease. That's an infection. That's not inflammation. That's infection. Why would they give you antibiotics for a hormonal problem?

55:01 Caller I have no idea.

55:02 Drew They wouldn't. So it's an infection. And that is associated with dysfunction of the tube and a higher risk of tubal pregnancy. So all the more reason you should be practicing careful contraception and working with a doctor on trying to conceive. Don't do this on your own. You may have a problem. You need something called a hysterosalpingogram where they light the tubes up and sort of see if there's any blockages and what's going on there. In the meantime, you should consider yourself at risk for tubal pregnancy.

55:27 Adam You can't afford not to. That's right. All right. No, listen, don't have the kids for a couple of years. Give it a break. Get married. See how the marriage works. You know, enjoy your young couplehood and have a kid at 22, 23. Okay. Your boyfriend's older, but he'll be 30, 31. Believe me, you don't want a dad at 29. You'd rather have a dad at 35. All right. Slow it down a little there, Missy.

55:53 Drew Right now, the world is your oyster.

55:55 Adam That's right.

55:56 Drew That's all there is, man.

55:58 Adam The world is your oyster. I mean, because that's all the world is. You can't afford not to.

56:05 Drew That's my birthday present right there.

56:07 Adam I know that oyster thing. I know I was screwing around. I know it.

56:12 Caller I hope so.

56:13 Adam I'm looking at these calls. Let's see. Broke up eight months ago. What about Sarah up here? Sarah, 15.

56:19 Caller Yeah.

56:20 Adam Line 1.

56:22 Caller Hi.

56:22 Drew Yeah.

56:23 Adam I like to say that. Sounds like we're doing a radio show every once in a while. Let's go east of the, no, west of the Rockies.

56:32 Caller Um, yeah.

56:34 Drew Big payoff here, man.

56:35 Caller All right.

56:36 Adam You're up. What's your question, goofball?

56:38 Caller Um, I'm 15, and my boyfriend's 12, and I wanted to make sure that I'm not going to screw him up psychologically or anything. I've already kind of had some experience, and I'm personally a little screwed up psychologically myself.

56:53 Drew What does that mean?

56:55 Caller Um, well, a lot of the problems you- or things that cause problems, you've described kind of fit to me.

57:02 Adam What are you doing? You mean-

57:03 Drew You're getting in a position that scares me here, Adam.

57:05 Adam No, I'm not farting.

57:06 Caller I'm just-

57:06 Adam I'm relaxing. I'm realizing this may be a long call. It's time to get comfortable. All right. Do you want to- Sexual abuse?

57:13 Caller Uh, when I was four.

57:14 Adam Physical, emotional, all the good stuff?

57:19 Caller Well-

57:20 Adam Well, listen, I think if you have sexual abuse, you cover- You also have to check off the emotional abuse box, too. There could be no greater emotional abuse than that.

57:29 Caller Well, when I was four, I had sexual abuse. Then I have never lived with my father, who's kind of an alcoholic, druggy type, but he does live nearby, but I don't get to see him much.

57:39 Adam Right.

57:39 Caller For eight years, I lived with an alcoholic and a father, who I really didn't like. I don't live with him right now.

57:46 Adam Yeah. Next chance you get, kick your mom in the fallopian tube, and then when you- What's that?

57:56 Caller She's been fixed.

57:57 Adam Well, that'll make her easier prey. Let's not deny her that, and then kick her dad in the nuts, too. Please. God willing, he's dead. Is he still around, grandpa? Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure he was an alcoholic and did something horrible to her. So you can thank him next time you see that old goat. Make sure- Just really show him no respect. He deserves zero respect from you.

58:22 Caller Okay.

58:23 Adam Okay. Now, you got a 12-year-old, and are you having any physical contact with him?

58:29 Caller Kissing.

58:30 Adam Just kissing. Yeah. And you would be in what grade?

58:34 Caller Tenth.

58:35 Adam Tenth grade, and he would be in?

58:37 Caller Seventh.

58:37 Adam Seventh grade. All right. And do you think you may be with him? I know it's going to be a tough question to answer at 15, but because he's not a threat in a way?

58:49 Drew Or, you know, she could be sort of an abuser. You know, she could be reaching back to try to connect with some ancient part of herself.

58:55 Adam I don't think she's an abuser. If she was an abuser, she wouldn't be calling the show, most likely to ask about how she was affecting this guy, and she would have had sex with him.

59:05 Drew That's true. Are you attracted to younger guys? Although she's not a male, she's not really a sinister.

59:10 Caller I'm attracted to older guys. I just got out of a relationship a couple months ago with a guy who is now 19.

59:17 Adam And was he a little bit troubled?

59:22 Caller A little bit, but not a whole lot.

59:23 Adam Why did you get out of the relationship?

59:25 Caller Because we just kind of screwed up the relationship.

59:29 Adam Okay, here's my feeling. Thanks for shedding that light on me. Write that down, Drew.

59:33 Caller Screwed up the relationship.

59:35 Adam I think you're with this guy as sort of a break. You know what?

59:41 Drew We're used to that. These divorced women that reach in and date these very much younger guys than themselves.

59:45 Adam This may be a younger version of that. It's like driving a rental car for a couple of months. Oh, who cares? Smoke. You know, you go to get some drive-thru. Just throw it on the floor of the passenger side. Don't worry about it. I think she's with this guy, this 12-year-old, in the kind of a, look, I don't want any pressure. I don't want an ass kicking. I don't want the trauma. I want some nice kid who's not doing burnouts and is El Camino on my lawn and showing up drunk. I want a little break. All right, fine. He's in seventh grade. Give him a thrill. I'm fine with all that. Don't get pregnant. Chris, if anything comes out of his penis at 12, does he even have pubic hair at 12? Do you have pubes at 12? Sarah, does he have pubic hair?

1:00:34 Caller Yeah.

1:00:34 Adam How do you know?

1:00:35 Caller He told me.

1:00:37 Drew How did that conversation go?

1:00:39 Adam Did he draw you a picture or he just told you?

1:00:41 Caller Well, I was just asking him what stage he was in his development.

1:00:47 Adam Right.

1:00:48 Caller He said that that's where he was.

1:00:50 Adam He said he had pubic hair?

1:00:51 Caller Yeah.

1:00:53 Drew I want you to put yourself in that kid's position. Twelve years old. So what stage did he go? Well, this is a Brady Bunch episode, I swear to God.

1:01:05 Adam I got some pubic hair and I also got a peachy folder. You want me to put your name on it? I'm going to get my learner's permit.

1:01:15 Drew No, I'm going to be more like, no dude, I'm cool.

1:01:16 Adam Five years I'm going to go for my learner's permit.

1:01:18 Drew What are you talking about?

1:01:19 Caller I'm cool.

1:01:20 Adam Oh, shut up.

1:01:21 Drew Right?

1:01:22 Adam Drew, please, you crapped on my learning permit joke. I've had no time for you.

1:01:26 Drew I'm going to have to.

1:01:27 Adam Sarah?

1:01:28 Caller Yeah?

1:01:28 Adam Yeah, you're fine. Just take it slow with this guy.

1:01:31 Caller Alright.

1:01:32 Adam Alright.

1:01:32 Caller Happy birthday, Drew.

1:01:33 Drew Thanks.

1:01:34 Adam And get some therapy, would you?

1:01:36 Caller I tried, it didn't work.

1:01:37 Adam Well, keep going.

1:01:38 Drew Yeah. There's sort of no such thing as that. It didn't work.

1:01:42 Adam Not for those who need it.

1:01:44 Drew Yeah. It may mean that you're not participating properly. You didn't sort of connect with that therapist. I can accept that. But no, it's not about not working.

1:01:53 Adam Therapy, absolutely not. Just look, it's just a process of sitting there and talking for 50 minutes. It was a man that put a crash test dummy in the chair next to him and put a blazer, a tweed blazer with patches on the elbows on the crash test dummy. You could talk to that.

1:02:10 Drew Yeah, listen, on, we got a guy on line five who's worried about losing his hair at 18, but I'm just going to, he should, you know, see the dermatologist. He wants to ask about Rogaine and Propecia. Yes, you should go ask about those.

1:02:19 Adam You don't want to talk to this guy?

1:02:20 Drew There's nothing more to say.

1:02:21 Adam Hey, Mark?

1:02:22 Drew Yeah.

1:02:22 Adam Losing the hair at 18?

1:02:23 Yeah, losing the hair at 18.

1:02:25 Adam Yeah, bad times.

1:02:26 Yeah.

1:02:26 Drew You go see the dermatologist. Rogaine, Propecia, it's all a good idea.

1:02:29 Caller Hey, how you doing?

1:02:30 Adam Propecia.

1:02:31 Caller Ooh, look at your hair.

1:02:32 Drew Propecia is what they probably put you on.

1:02:33 Caller Have you heard of Avacor?

1:02:36 Adam Yeah, I have heard of that.

1:02:37 Drew What is that?

1:02:38 Caller That's like a new herbal supplement they just came out with.

1:02:41 Adam Herbs do nothing.

1:02:43 Drew Propecia is what you're going to need.

1:02:46 Adam The only herb that's worth a damn is weed.

1:02:48 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:02:49 Adam It's true.

1:02:49 Caller It's true, yeah.

1:02:50 Adam Okay, so listen. You get on the Propecia and you get on the Rogaine and that's the one-two combo and that's about all you can do.

1:02:58 Caller Okay.

1:02:58 Drew But you got to talk to the dermatologist. Make sure there's not some other reason you're losing hair too.

1:03:01 Caller Okay.

1:03:02 Drew All right.

1:03:02 Adam Thanks, Drew.

1:03:02 Drew Good times, Mark.

1:03:03 Adam All right, good times. Good times. Yeah. I was looking at my dad's huge forehead when I went out to breakfast with him the other day and thought, uh-oh.

1:03:10 Drew That's you.

1:03:11 Adam Yeah. I'm heading for that big old, big old weird forehead. And my dad's, you know, my dad's got plenty, you know, he's 70, 70 years old now. He's got plenty of hair, but he's just got that huge forehead.

1:03:22 Drew The other one that never ends.

1:03:23 Adam He's got that Art Garfunkel forehead. Big, big old forehead. He should have rented out for some advertising space or something. How dare you, Drew. That's my father you're speaking of. Chris?

1:03:38 Yeah.

1:03:38 Adam 15?

1:03:39 Yep.

1:03:40 Adam You went out with your girlfriend for a year.

1:03:45 Yeah.

1:03:45 Adam You broke up eight months ago.

1:03:47 Caller Yep.

1:03:47 Adam And you're still thinking about her.

1:03:49 Caller Yep.

1:03:50 Adam Do you ever see her?

1:03:52 Caller Yeah. Every day at school.

1:03:54 Drew Why did you break up?

1:03:57 Caller Kind of fighting. We just broke up.

1:03:59 Adam And she doesn't want to get back together with you now, right?

1:04:04 Caller No.

1:04:05 Adam Does she have a boyfriend?

1:04:08 Caller No.

1:04:09 Drew These things can trigger real intense sort of grief reactions.

1:04:12 Caller She says she doesn't want a boyfriend.

1:04:14 Drew And you spend your whole time going, how could that be? We wasted our time. I don't understand.

1:04:18 Caller No.

1:04:21 Adam I had a flash on the way over here tonight. I was thinking about when my girlfriend, one of my first girlfriends dumped me later in life. I was like 20, 21. She dumped me and then informed me she was moving to Manhattan Beach or something, which was not out of the state, but far enough away that I really realized, man, that's it. I'll never see her again. And it was devastating. Devastating. Chris, here's the cure for this. And listen to me, because Drew has had this happen and I've had it happen a million times and nobody's been lower than the two of us. I mean, I was depressed for one year plus. The only cure for this is you getting your ass together. Now here's the problem. You spend every ounce of energy working on her, trying to figure out a plan to get her back, channeling energy into her, but you need to do you.

1:05:23 Caller Yeah, it's like I know she treats me like crap and all that stuff and I want to get over and everything. I mean, I had to... Go ahead.

1:05:34 Adam Go ahead.

1:05:35 Drew Yeah, go ahead and get over.

1:05:36 Adam First off, you find a chick who's hot and you're over her on the first date. But right now you're pathetic and you're wounded and you're walking around like you got a big L on your forehead and all the other chicks see it and that's why you're screwed.

1:05:53 Drew They smell it.

1:05:54 Adam Now, your only shot, here's your shot. This is the only way you get over her. Drew, you're a doctor and tell me if you agree or disagree.

1:06:02 Drew And a loser.

1:06:02 Adam And a loser. And you're a loser first.

1:06:06 Drew For many years a loser.

1:06:08 Adam Yes, that's right. That's right. Loser trumps doctor. You put whatever energy you got into you, you get better. Better grades, better at sports, better at whatever, more friends, better at whatever it is you're doing at the time, whether it's work or school or sports or whatever you're doing. You present a much more attractive package. You find a chick who's attracted to you. And you start a new relationship and pow! It's over. Until you do those two or three steps, you're screwed.

1:06:39 Drew But he shouldn't be trying to get into a new relationship now because he's going to get someone whose number doesn't match until he's feeling better about himself.

1:06:46 Adam That's right. You cannot get fair market value on your penis right now. You need to give yourself a nice detailing. And that means climbing up the ladder just a little bit, whatever it is in your school. You hear what I'm saying? Work on you, whatever it is, grades, sports, whatever, do it, and stop worrying about her. And stop worrying about trying to get her back. That's it. That's the ultimate, everybody. And, you know, everyone, I always thought about this too. It's like nobody could replace this person. Nobody could replace this person. But that's BS. If you let me turn on the TV when I was in the depth of my depression and sit around and watch TV for a night and pick out a couple of chicks that I'd be dating, I would have been completely out of my funk immediately. All I needed was a slightly hotter chick with about the same IQ to come up and to honk the horn in front of the apartment. I would have been right out of my funk. Unfortunately and naturally during that one year, I didn't get laid. I got abused. Just roundly abused. Just abused by women. I wouldn't have even asked out in the past that I thought, I'm not going to go there kind of thing. I would try just to see if I could give myself a little confidence builder. Even they were abusing me. We're going to take a break. We'll be back.

1:08:13 Caller Loveline, Loveline, we'll be right back.

1:08:50 Adam That's that Sum 41. Those kids are like 13, 12, 11, and 9. They're the white musical youth. That's the band, right? I could be. Sing past the Doge song or something. Who was that? All right. Let's keep trucking. Drew's birthday, everybody. Never looked better. He's felt a hell of a lot better, but he's never looked better.

1:09:16 Drew You sort of took me into that depressed space that I was in when I was like 19.

1:09:23 Adam Once in a while, not once in a while, but about six times a week, I like to do a reminder of the hell that was my life, the hell, the hell. Close your eyes and picture a horrible life and I will show you one that was much worse. I was so depressed and so poor and so pathetic.

1:09:40 Mom, I'm so mad at you.

1:09:42 Adam I'm so mad at you, Mom. Installing closet with a bunch of born again Christians.

1:09:48 Drew Now listen to it. The world is your oyster.

1:09:54 Adam The world is your oyster. I mean, because that's all the world is. You can't afford not to.

1:10:03 Drew I'm interested in this. Casey, what's going on?

1:10:05 Caller Hi. First, I just got to say that, Adam, when you are the man, if you didn't have a chick, I would be on you like wouldn't believe.

1:10:12 Adam Still room, baby. What? I got room.

1:10:16 Drew You're fat.

1:10:17 Adam I got two nipples. I like nipple play.

1:10:21 Drew And half a penis.

1:10:22 Adam How dare you?

1:10:24 Caller Well, Drew can make up for it, I'm sure. Drew's pretty sexy.

1:10:27 Adam He's big. I've seen him at the airport, at the urinal. He's got a big penis.

1:10:31 Caller Okay. First, I just-

1:10:32 Adam Passionate, passionate man.

1:10:33 Drew Even 43.

1:10:34 Adam Yeah. Go ahead. It is grand and beautiful. All right, Casey.

1:10:43 Caller Last night, there was a caller that called in. I think her name was Rachel and she was like 17. And she said that because she was like more than three months pregnant, she couldn't get an abortion.

1:10:51 Drew Okay.

1:10:51 Caller And that's not true because I had one at four and a half months.

1:10:55 Caller Just last year.

1:10:56 Drew For medical reason?

1:10:57 Caller No.

1:10:58 Drew Elective abortion?

1:11:00 Adam Well, Casey, if you were listening, I'm no doctor, but you remember I questioned it. I did say, really? Three months too old or something?

1:11:09 Drew I said as far as I know. What is your understanding of the law here now?

1:11:13 Caller California?

1:11:14 Drew What is your understanding of the law in California right now?

1:11:17 Caller Just that I think you can only go up to six.

1:11:20 Drew Is it six months?

1:11:20 Adam Well, they have second trimester.

1:11:23 Caller Yeah, it's a two-day procedure though.

1:11:24 Drew There is such a thing. Don't get me wrong. But I thought the law had knocked it down to three months in the state.

1:11:30 Caller Well, this was just last summer. As far as I know, because I had one at four and a half months. It's a two-day procedure. Planned Parenthood couldn't do it, so I had to go to somebody else, but it didn't. Medi-Cal took care of it. I didn't have to pay for it. It was a two-day procedure.

1:11:45 Adam Two-day procedure?

1:11:46 Caller Yeah.

1:11:47 Adam Because you actually give birth and then they poison the child, right?

1:11:50 Drew That's right.

1:11:53 Adam They give it a poison lollipop.

1:11:55 Drew Well, no. They basically have to chop it up and pull it out.

1:11:57 Caller I know that they make you go through labor.

1:12:00 Drew Yeah.

1:12:00 Caller The laminaria or something like that.

1:12:02 Drew Yeah. That's why. After the first trimester, it gets pretty gruesome.

1:12:05 Caller You sicken me.

1:12:07 Adam How really? Yeah. That's where they take one of those hand-held drink mixers and put it right up here.

1:12:14 Caller Okay. Also, I wanted to know.

1:12:15 Adam It comes out like a strawberry daiquiri.

1:12:18 Caller Okay.

1:12:19 Adam You're grossing yourself out now, too.

1:12:20 Caller Okay. Cool. Okay. I want to know why does a guy that's in a totally committed, totally loving relationship that, you know, plenty of awesome sex all the time, why doesn't he go to a strip club?

1:12:31 Adam No, please.

1:12:31 Caller Why would he go to a strip club over me?

1:12:34 Adam Over you?

1:12:35 Caller Yeah.

1:12:36 Adam I love that. I love that about you, women. It's all over. It's always in place of, you beat off. It's like, I'm not good enough. You look at a playboy. Why are you thinking of her?

1:12:47 Caller No, no, no. Not like that. I'm talking. I mean, because I don't have a problem with that. I said I was going to buy him his first lap dance. But when it comes down to like, you know, upsetting me or, you know, drawn, crossing the line and I say, okay, either, either you go or, you know, if you go, it's over. Then he still goes.

1:13:04 Drew How often is he going?

1:13:06 Caller Like every weekend.

1:13:07 Drew So it's not that he goes. It's that he's going so much. It's taking time away from your relationship.

1:13:12 Caller Yeah.

1:13:13 Drew Yeah. That's a different thing.

1:13:14 Adam It is, except for that's probably not completely the case.

1:13:18 Caller No. I mean, every weekend for like the last month and a half.

1:13:21 Adam Who does he go with?

1:13:23 Caller His buddies. I even asked to go and he wouldn't let me go.

1:13:26 Adam Well, good. That's nothing. That's the road to hell. You don't go to a strip club with your man.

1:13:32 Caller Okay. Well.

1:13:33 Adam Okay. Listen, I'm going to say two things. One, it's cool if a guy wants to go to a strip club every once in a while and you chicks would get over it. On the other hand, if this guy thinks he's going to go every weekend and tell you, I'm going, I'm going and there's nothing you can do about it.

1:13:48 Drew He's a prick.

1:13:49 Adam Then he's a prick. Okay.

1:13:51 Caller He's going to dump his ass.

1:13:52 Adam Is this really the truth? Is he really going? Yeah.

1:13:55 Caller He's not even making his car payment because he's going every weekend and spending all his money.

1:13:58 Drew Oh boy. I wonder if he's a sexual compulsive.

1:14:02 Caller Really?

1:14:02 Drew Yeah. I mean somebody who's having a lot of consequence from their sort of.

1:14:07 Caller That's what I thought because he's going despite consequences so that's what I thought.

1:14:10 Adam Okay. Well, yeah, just dump him. How long have you been with him?

1:14:14 Caller Like four or five months.

1:14:15 Adam And what's he do for a living?

1:14:16 Caller He's in construction.

1:14:20 Adam Listen, I work with those idiots. Forget it. This guy's a loser.

1:14:25 Caller So I need to find a corporate man like yourself, huh, Adam?

1:14:28 Drew Yeah, I describe Adam as a corporate guy.

1:14:29 Adam Yeah, button down type like myself.

1:14:32 Caller All right. Well, thanks a lot, guys. I appreciate you.

1:14:34 Adam Hey, Casey, here's what you need to do.

1:14:36 Caller Okay.

1:14:37 Adam How old are you? You need to dump this guy and just hang out for six months. You need to find another guy.

1:14:46 Caller Why six months?

1:14:47 Adam That's what I'm giving. I'm giving you six months. Just hang out six months.

1:14:51 Caller Okay.

1:14:51 Adam Don't have an abortion.

1:14:52 Drew Yeah, Casey, what's with the late abortions?

1:14:55 Caller Well, I don't know.

1:14:57 Adam All right.

1:14:57 Drew You just wait a minute.

1:14:58 Adam She's a procrastinator.

1:15:00 Drew What the hell?

1:15:01 Caller I didn't find out.

1:15:02 Drew All right.

1:15:03 Adam What are they yapping about in the next room? It's driving me nuts.

1:15:05 Drew They said she had two of those late abortions.

1:15:07 She had two of those abortions and I was saying that she's a procrastinator. So we thought it was funny.

1:15:11 Adam Oh, I see. I understand.

1:15:13 Drew Can I talk with her?

1:15:13 She must be fat.

1:15:14 Adam Okay. That's great because Tara is holding the TV remote and she's like waving it around and laughing and pointing at me. And so I'm thinking, was there, am I on TV? I must be on TV.

1:15:28 Drew No, she's pointing at trying to change you.

1:15:29 Adam Trying to shut me up, trying to hit the mute button. Yes.

1:15:33 Drew Pointing the remote control as you're hoping you'll. Yeah.

1:15:37 Adam Do you need to talk to her really? I think we're done. Let me give something that I thought about yesterday. You guys ever, you got CD players, everyone's got a CD player, right? Yeah. Yeah. You got a home stereo CD player. You ever hit the shuffle button?

1:15:53 Drew Random.

1:15:54 Adam The random button.

1:15:55 Drew All the time.

1:15:55 Adam Like to surprise yourself.

1:15:56 Drew Ratingly.

1:15:57 Adam Yeah.

1:15:57 Drew That's about all we do.

1:15:58 Adam You don't want to hear the record in order. Let's hear it. Let's hear it.

1:16:01 Drew Whatever.

1:16:01 Adam All right. I do that. I did that. I got the 500 CD carousel hit the ramp.

1:16:06 Drew The party you were doing. That's what we were doing.

1:16:08 Adam You want to hear how retarded the Corollas are? My sister staying over at my house. And by the way, never let anyone stay at your house because they just think of new ways to drive you insane. I have 15, no 12 CDs in the 500 CD carousel. I show up the other day. They're all out in a pile on a shelf. And I'm thinking to myself, why did she take my CDs out of the thing? So I said to her, hey, why did you take the CDs out? She's like, I wanted to hear mine. I said, it's a 500 CD carousel. I had 12 in there. Just put them in. Well, it was on shuffle. No, just hit the button that says shuffle. I didn't know. I just took them out. And I just thought, wow, that's a Corolla.

1:16:53 Drew So you can put it back?

1:16:55 Adam I don't know. But that's the kind of stuff, by the way, that you could never prepare yourself for when someone's going to move it. Like, why? And it's one of those things too, where your mind is working like some sort of NASA computer. You're looking at the pile of your CDs on the shelf next to the CD player and you're thinking, why would somebody, and then you're thinking, there's 500. And then you think, well, that bitch, she's doing it to screw me. And then you go, wait a minute, why should she take it? But then, well, maybe she want to hear her CDs. And you go, yeah, but it's a 500 disc. You couldn't make heads or tails of it. Well, that's what was on shuffle. But here's the point. Here's the point with the shuffle or the random. You hit the button, you hit play, and it does that little graphic, that little spin around. I'd be satisfied with two of those. It gives you an average of 26. You just sit there.

1:17:51 Caller It's like, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t.

1:17:55 Adam And I'm about the sixth one. I'm like, all right, god damn it, play the song. Play the first god damn song.

1:18:01 Caller I don't care.

1:18:03 Adam What am I going to do? Like, write a letter for just play the third song and the first...

1:18:09 Drew Ours scrolls through numbers at each digit slot, like a slot machine.

1:18:15 Adam I grew a goddamn beard just watching that thing go around, that little shuffle thing. Like I said, about the fifth or eighth go around, I thought to myself, I believe you. It's random now. Pick a song. Please pick a song. But I'm going to go count it. I will go to my house and count this goddamn thing. It went around like 16, 18 times. I just... I kept staring at it and I'm like, please play the song at a certain point, would you?

1:18:42 Drew You can go count it, Adam, but keep the information to yourself, okay?

1:18:46 Adam I'm just saying, I don't need that much security in my randomness of the songs.

1:18:51 Drew I get you.

1:18:51 Adam Eventually, I'll hear all the songs anyway. Let's just get to them.

1:18:54 Drew I would be interested if somebody calls and tells what the legal situation is with these second trimester abortions in California, or other states, too, but I'd like that information. Or you can maybe email it to it or fax it.

1:19:04 Adam I think it's up to the second trimester. It's up to. Oh, up to the end of it. That'd be six months. That seems too late. Jason?

1:19:15 Yeah.

1:19:15 Adam You're 23?

1:19:17 Caller Yeah.

1:19:19 Drew Oh, sorry to wake you up there, Jason.

1:19:22 Caller OK. Noticed a change in the penis last few weeks or so. And I thought perhaps it was due to excess or I don't know, masturbation, abusing it, I guess. But anyway, what's happening is...

1:19:39 Drew Whatever happened to have masturbation been called self-abuse.

1:19:43 Adam Was it called self-abuse?

1:19:44 Drew Yeah, self-abuse.

1:19:45 Adam Where, like the Bronze Age or something?

1:19:47 Drew No, no, in my time.

1:19:49 Adam Oh, really?

1:19:49 Drew Yeah, that was just after the Bronze Age.

1:19:51 Adam Go ahead there, Jason.

1:19:52 Caller All right, well, anyways, whenever it gets erect, on the top of the penis, behind, I guess, the pre-pews there, there's a blood vessel that's becoming more prominent, kind of hard and rolls when you press it, and it wasn't there before. It's kind of, I guess, to me, seeming to become more so. I was just wondering if it's possible that it could be causing damage or could be damaged.

1:20:22 Adam Your penis could be damaged?

1:20:23 Caller Yeah.

1:20:24 Drew It seems to be affecting his thinking and his speech, though.

1:20:29 Adam Did it suffer any trauma?

1:20:32 Caller No, no, it had.

1:20:34 Drew I'm not sure what you're describing, Jason, but you can get clots in the veins in your penis. It can happen.

1:20:39 Adam So what should he do?

1:20:40 Drew Well, it actually is something someone ought to look at, although it's not all that uncommon. It's something that can be associated with certain kinds of abnormalities in the blood clotting system that I think ought to be evaluated.

1:20:50 Adam All right. Let's take ourselves a break. But because it's Dr. Drew's birthday, I think we'll go into break with the now famous Dr. Drew boogie.

1:21:10 Drew Pee on this stick. Makes me sick. Pee on this stick. Makes me sick. If I find you stealing my underwear again, here's what's gonna happen. Asshole! Stuff like this... Stuff like this...

1:21:26 Caller Stuff like this...

1:21:27 Drew Makes me sick. You're fat. Asshole! You're fat. Can I say that? You're fat, Art. You're overweight. I want to be dominated. You're gay. I want to be dominated. You're gay. When I was 19, I ate about four boiled peyote buttons and stayed up all night but felt no effect. It's called intimacy. Can I say that? This is not acceptable. Can I say that? You're fat. Not acceptable. Pee on this stick. Not acceptable. Boiled peyote button. Not acceptable. You're overweight. Not acceptable. Can I say that?

1:22:09 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:22:39 Adam Hey, everybody. Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. You know, something I was another interesting fan. I went to visit my grandmother today. You know, it's always unnerving about old people. They have, they got two voice volumes. They have the one where you can't hear them and then the one where they're screaming. Do you know what I'm talking about? My grandma has this voice that could just cut through fog, and she's in the next room, you know. And there's some kind of magazine article that somebody brought over to her on the Man Show. And so I'm standing in the living room, and you know, when I go visit her now, half the time she's on the pot or something. You know, she's old, so she's sitting there. She's doing something. And she has like a nurse, you know. So I'll come in, you know, Hi, Grandma, I'm here.

1:23:32 Caller I'm on the toilet.

1:23:34 Adam OK. And the the the the nurse is like she'll she'll yell at the nurse. But of course, I can hear. Tell him to look at the magazine. All right. And I'll yell down the hall. I got the magnet. He should say the magazine. You know, they get really they get a lot of energy about like kind of nothing, you know, a little bit of franticness. Yeah, a little bit like too much for that. And I'm like, I'm holding the magazine, sort of just standing there in the living room, looking at it. Tell him to get the mag. And I like I want to hit her with the magazine now. Go look, I got the goddamn magazine. What do you want? It's always a weird thing. And it's always weird to you don't know what to do. Like you want to go up to the maid person and go, Hey, here's 20. Sorry about that. You know, sorry you got to deal with this. You ever been in that situation where someone in you'll get there soon. Someone in your family is being a little weird with somebody that they're being paid. And you just you shoot them a look every once in a while. But you want to go over there and like put your arm around and go, listen, I don't like her either. I don't blame you want to kill her. Right. Me too. Like here's 100 bucks. That's cool.

1:24:43 Drew Right.

1:24:44 Adam You know, you don't want to get listen. I know we're blood and everything, but don't let me in. Steve.

1:24:50 Caller Yes.

1:24:50 Adam You're 35.

1:24:52 Caller Yes.

1:24:52 Adam What's up?

1:24:53 Caller Hey, I just want to know why there's no Adam Boogie.

1:24:59 Adam No one is seen fit to make one. I don't know why.

1:25:02 Caller Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

1:25:05 Caller There you go.

1:25:06 Adam There's the new Adam Boogie. I don't know, Steve. I appreciate you asking.

1:25:11 Caller Okay.

1:25:12 Adam Well, here's the thing. I'm certainly not going to make one, and neither is Anderson, and that's it.

1:25:19 Caller I've been working on one for like six months.

1:25:20 Drew No.

1:25:21 Adam No way.

1:25:22 Drew And Adam?

1:25:22 Caller No, I think about it in my car all the time.

1:25:26 Drew I don't think so about all kinds of things in his car.

1:25:27 Adam Anderson has no radio in his car, so he's forced to think of things.

1:25:31 Caller Oh, I see. Okay.

1:25:32 Drew All right.

1:25:33 Adam So can I say happy birthday to Drew? No.

1:25:36 Drew Thanks, Steve.

1:25:37 Adam That would be out of the question. Listen, if someone listening wants to send in some crude Dr. Adam bogey, that would be fun. Jennifer?

1:25:47 Caller Hey, guys. I just want to thank you for taking my call and Dr. Drew, happy birthday.

1:25:52 Drew Thanks, Jennifer.

1:25:53 Adam Our pleasure.

1:25:54 Caller Basically, what's been going on is that at the beginning of the summer, I actually caught my dad cheating on my mom again. What happened? Well, my parents are married. Well, I'm Asian. That should explain a lot of stuff. But I'm Asian, first of all. My dad lives in Taiwan. My mom was here, but they're married.

1:26:13 Drew Were you visiting him in Taiwan and caught him?

1:26:15 Caller Yeah. My mom was already there, and so I went to go visit after school ended. And what happened was basically I just was looking through his cell phone, and I noticed there's this one number dialed a lot for the name. It was just some lady's name. And I asked my dad, and he kept denying it. And I'm like, he's done it before, and it's been a long time. It's been maybe 10 years since.

1:26:39 Drew What was the consequence last time he did this?

1:26:41 Caller I was really young. I was maybe six.

1:26:44 Drew But what did that, I mean, is this relationship you and your mom's such that, what are you doing?

1:26:50 Adam I'm not farting. I'm just putting my feet up.

1:26:52 Drew You gotta understand, I've got like post-traumatic stress reaction. Every time you move like that, it really disturbs me.

1:26:57 Caller Yeah.

1:26:58 Drew You can always put your feet up, but you don't have to bring your ass up like you did. You see what I'm saying?

1:27:02 Adam Please stick with the call.

1:27:04 Drew Do your parents have an understanding where this kind of thing is sort of okay in their relationship?

1:27:09 Caller I didn't realize it, but they do. And I asked my mom, I guess I'm old enough to understand now, but I asked my mom about it. I'm like, mom, just tell me the truth. I can handle it. Since my dad wasn't giving me anything. I was just like, can you please just tell me the truth? I'm old enough, you know? And she's just like, well, you know, your dad is considered good in the Asian aspect of things because at least he's still supporting the family and you know, he and like they made it so.

1:27:39 Adam Wait a minute. Hold on, Jennifer, this is this is Adam speaking.

1:27:43 Caller Hi, Adam.

1:27:44 Adam Hi. I like you, by the way. Oh, I enjoy most. I enjoy Asians in general, but I like you even more than I like most Asians. I just like her voice.

1:27:55 Drew I see.

1:27:55 Adam This is a very becoming voice.

1:27:58 Drew Yes.

1:27:59 Adam Okay.

1:27:59 Caller It's called nervousness.

1:28:00 Adam Okay. But I like it. It's cute. Now, remember we spoke to someone some months ago where they had the same situation as dad was her dad was out of town a lot on business and blah, blah, blah.

1:28:11 Drew I think it was a Taiwan situation.

1:28:13 Adam Yeah. Now, you're putting a lot of energy into busting your dad.

1:28:18 Drew Well, she had different assumptions about their family and now she's finding out.

1:28:22 Adam Even so, at 19, it's time for you to sort of get out of the nest.

1:28:27 Drew Yeah, but she was raised in a different culture and here she's going back to her culture of origin where it's men all they have to do is support a wife and family and they do whatever the hell they want.

1:28:37 Adam Good. I'm moving there.

1:28:38 Caller Can I interject real quick? Yeah. Like my family is very, we're very co-dependent on each other basically like my mom's here so they depend on me a lot just to come home and make sure my mom's okay because basically me and my sister moved out so I'm the only one in the area so I have to come home every weekend and I just feel really guilty.

1:28:56 Adam Are you going to college somewhere?

1:28:58 Caller Yeah, I go to UCLA.

1:28:59 Adam Shocking. I didn't know they let Asians in at that school. The school is completely Asian now, isn't it?

1:29:04 Caller It's basically Taiwan incarnate over there.

1:29:07 Adam Alright, so you're going off to college. Your mom is not distressed by this situation?

1:29:13 Caller She is and what's really bad this summer is it's becoming really destructive for me. I started throwing up my food and I started cutting myself.

1:29:23 Drew Oh my God, at 19, you were not a cutter before this?

1:29:28 Caller No, I've been suicidal before though, like, sorry. I think when things got really bad in high school.

1:29:35 Adam Well, I know, like that time that semester you got a B. You know, an Asian gets a B that can kill themselves.

1:29:41 Caller Basically, but yeah, well my dad is a doctor so we have medication in the household. Oh boy. I just swallow stuff.

1:29:48 Adam Okay, all right, baby, this is the plot is thickening a little bit.

1:29:51 Drew Jennifer, you got to get over to Student Health Services and get some help.

1:29:54 Caller I can't. It's really hard.

1:29:56 Drew Why?

1:29:57 Caller I went, like, my schoolwork is deteriorating and I was getting really scared, so I went to go talk to them and it's just really hard to, it's really hard for me to open up. I mean, it's ironic since I'm telling the whole world what's going on.

1:30:10 Adam Yeah, you're doing a decent job.

1:30:13 Caller But it's just, I can't explain it.

1:30:16 Adam Oh, that's, babe, I just want to give you a hug. Where are you over there? Are you over there in Westwood?

1:30:20 Caller I'm parked in the Sherman Oaks Plaza.

1:30:23 Adam Oh, Sherman Oaks. Yeah. I could be there in 15, 20 minutes.

1:30:25 Drew Maybe you can drive over there and give her a hug.

1:30:27 Adam You over there in Fashion Square?

1:30:29 Caller Um, I stopped, because I'm on my way to school, but I stopped to get reception for you guys.

1:30:32 Drew She's in the plaza by the 405 there.

1:30:34 Caller Yeah.

1:30:35 Drew The one they're tearing down, I think, right?

1:30:37 Caller Um, I have no idea, but it's pretty deserted.

1:30:41 Adam Look, start a, start a signal fire. I'll be the guy, uh, with his high beams on, going down the 405, looking for an Asian with a burning car.

1:30:50 Caller Have I just passed a lot of gas, so you can see it in the sky as the heat rises?

1:30:53 Drew She is your kind of gal.

1:30:54 Adam Oh, that's a, that's a great woman here. Okay, listen, Jennifer. Yeah. We, we, we gotta run, but here's the deal. Um, your family's problems are gonna ruin you. They're gonna, you're gonna go down with them. I understand you respect your mother.

1:31:10 Drew She's the scapegoat.

1:31:11 Adam And all that. Please, you're internalizing way too much. Your mother's an adult, your father's an adult. They have their problems. They also have a relationship. It's been working so far. They've been together for 30 years. You are not gonna make it and you're not gonna break it. They're big people and it's up to them. You cannot shoulder any more of their responsibility.

1:31:33 Drew You've got to take care of yourself.

1:31:35 Adam That's right. And the best thing you could do for them, by the way, is get good grades and don't kill yourself. You understand?

1:31:42 Drew I understand. Some of this she's enraged with them.

1:31:45 Adam I understand, but you're way too enmeshed with the family.

1:31:50 Drew And listen, Jennifer, please go back to the Student Health Services and go ahead and open up. You're quite capable of it. You've done it fine here with us.

1:31:58 Caller Right.

1:31:58 Drew Go ahead.

1:31:59 Caller All right.

1:32:00 Drew We have only 30 seconds.

1:32:01 Adam Over there. I'm trying. I should find her over there at Sherman Oaks.

1:32:05 Drew She'd come out of here and talk to you.

1:32:06 Adam She's probably vulnerable, too.

1:32:08 Drew I'd probably put out.

1:32:09 Adam You know what I mean?

1:32:10 Drew Unacceptable.

1:32:10 Adam Over there and pick up the pieces. Conrad?

1:32:13 Caller Yeah.

1:32:14 Adam Yeah. I saw that show gun boy. I really liked that.

1:32:17 Drew What's up, Conrad?

1:32:18 Caller Well, I'm having difficulty, I guess, with family at the same time I've been doing, I guess, more drugs lately. Basically, there's nothing I care about anymore. And if I did drugs and I OD'd, I just wouldn't care all that much.

1:32:34 Adam I see. You're...

1:32:36 Drew Well, that's called depression.

1:32:37 Adam How much coke you doing?

1:32:40 Caller Well, whenever I need it, whenever I build up enough anxiety.

1:32:43 Adam All right. How about you focus on, you know, going to CA?

1:32:48 Drew I'm a prison addict. All I hear is that he's severely depressed.

1:32:51 Adam Well, he also...

1:32:52 Caller Well, firstly, I should tell you also, I have a father that's a psychologist, so that hasn't helped much either.

1:32:56 Adam Yeah. It's a nightmare. He's always nutty. As they say, the contractor's house is the worst one on the block. And, yeah, my dad's one of them too. It's a real piece of work. Hey, Conrad? Yeah. All right. Get yourself some therapy and work on your depression.

1:33:12 Drew I mean, some help. I mean, this is ridiculous. You're passively suicidal. That's bad news.

1:33:18 Adam Sorry. We spent all the time trying to save the Asian chick. We don't have much time for whiting. We gotta take a little break. Listen, Conrad, seriously, you know what to do. Therapy, you're big boy. Easy on the coke too. We'll be back.

1:33:31 Caller Here it is.

1:33:31 Caller Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

1:33:34 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

1:33:36 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:37 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:38 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:39 Adam 1-877-889-DATE.

1:33:44 Caller Loveline will be right back. So get your problems ready. Ready.

1:34:17 Adam Hey, it's Loveline. Poor Cindy's been on hold for 54 minutes here. Cindy, 18?

1:34:23 Caller Yeah.

1:34:24 Adam Had a lot of partners?

1:34:25 Caller Yeah.

1:34:25 Adam All right, stop it.

1:34:26 Drew Little girl voice.

1:34:27 Adam Yes. Look, get some therapy, stop acting out. You can't afford not to. Yes. You know what you're doing. We're out of show, but this is Adam and Drew telling you, just stop it. Okay. You know what's going on, just stop it. It's fine. You can do that. In the meantime, you can find out what's driving you to do it via a book or some therapy or some counseling or whatever.

1:34:50 Drew If you really can't stop, that should be a sign of how much you need that help.

1:34:52 Adam All right. Real fast. Conrad? Yeah. Sorry we're so quick with you, but that's our answer.

1:34:59 Caller Can I just ask you, where would you suggest getting help rather than it be run-of-the-mill Beverly Hills $250 an hour crap?

1:35:07 Adam I know. I know you're mad at your dad and the whole psychology game, but there's plenty of good ones out there for 80 bucks.

1:35:13 Drew Go to the Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena. It's free.

1:35:16 Adam Pasadena, Fuller Theological Seminary? All right. And Connor, yeah, you get splooge on your belly. You got to use the bib.

1:35:25 Drew Or the samboni.

1:35:27 Adam My buddy, the belly, the samboni. My buddy, the wheeze invented the belly bib many years ago. Genius. Now, until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahala. The world is your oyster. I mean, because that's all the world is. You can't afford not to.

1:35:44 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, September 4, 2001