Episode 1000754887008

0:55 Voiceover Yep, it is Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew's a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist, everybody. Yeah. What's up there, Drew?

1:09 Drew I don't know, you seem to be used tonight.

1:10 Adam Oh, I am? Am I?

1:12 Drew Are you, that's just a...

1:12 Adam No, facade.

1:13 Drew Facade, just laughing yourself.

1:16 Adam I, I, I, a smile comes to my face when I think about giving the facts number out here at Westwood One.

1:24 Drew It's, it's not good.

1:25 Adam And then I realize that the facts paper is no longer manufactured for the archaic facts machine that Westwood One owns and I smile.

1:35 Drew I thought it was the... I thought it was the glaze that comes over my eyes at the sound of your nasally drone.

1:41 Adam No, no, I just smile at the dump known as Westwood One or as you like to call it, Westwood None and as I like to call it Westwood Two. Thank you very much. Guy Blews is our guest tonight. Guy is the author of Marriage and How to Avoid It. I found this book stimulating.

2:01 Drew Well, you've written the sequel.

2:05 Adam I didn't read the book, I gotta be honest. But to be fair, we've written a book and I didn't read that one. So that's my excuse.

2:13 Guy Blews Congratulations.

2:14 Adam But Guy was described to me as a marvelous entertaining wit. And so we're glad to have him on the show.

2:22 Guy Blews Thanks for the pressure.

2:23 Adam And this is an interesting title. Have you ever been married yourself?

2:27 Guy Blews No, I've never been married.

2:29 Adam Have you almost been married?

2:30 Guy Blews I've been close, dodged the bullet.

2:32 Adam Right. And is this book, I know your tongue is in your cheek to some degree in this book, but is there some good, useful, actual advice here for avoiding marriage?

2:43 Guy Blews Absolutely. I've written it, if you're married, divorced, engaged, or you never intend to get married, it's for everybody to read. It's amusing. Every chapter is three pages long, so it's very easy to read. You can put it down and pick it up. And every chapter is a self-entitled entity, so you can read them and put them down. You can read them in any order you like, and it'll still make sense to you.

3:07 Adam Well, what are some of the key tips for avoiding marriage? And I assume this is going to be geared mostly toward men.

3:14 Guy Blews No, actually, it's... I'd say 50-50.

3:17 Adam Really?

3:18 Guy Blews I'm a real believer in the strength of women, the power of the woman. I think they're emotionally stronger than men, and I think they are possibly physically stronger than men.

3:26 Adam Well, no, they're not, but they certainly want to get married more than men do. I'm sorry? I mean, the sex that most often wants to avoid marriage is men or men, more than women. So if you're going to write a book on how to avoid marriage, it would be geared probably slightly more toward men, not that a woman couldn't read it and use it as a counter-strategy perhaps.

3:50 Guy Blews I think it'll help women. I get a lot of women say to me, oh, I bet you're every man's best friend for writing that book. And I'm like, well, you should read it as well because it is good for you. It's basically about loving yourself before you can really love anybody else. I think in this society, we're very much brought up to think that if we're not married by certain age, there's something wrong with us. And it's almost like a validation. Until you learn to love yourself, you're not going to be any good for anybody anyway. So it's really just looking at that aspect of it and taking a step back from the society that we live in and the way we're forced into certain ways of thinking.

4:21 Adam It's interesting that it brings up loving yourself, because I put a good lovin on myself.

4:26 Drew Nightly, huh?

4:27 Adam About 7.45 tonight before I came in.

4:31 Drew Just the thought of it just makes me tingle with pleasure.

4:33 Adam In high school, I used to love myself like three, four times a day.

4:36 Guy Blews Now I tingle with fear. Dude, you beat off.

4:41 Adam What were you going to ask, Drew?

4:43 Drew Don't you think, though, in terms of the timing issue, that there are certain periods during which, if you're going to have children, it only makes even intuitive sense that you got to get married and try to create a stable system and do it by a certain age, because you're just too damn tired to do it after a certain age.

4:59 Guy Blews Well, I think that I take it even a step further than that in that I believe that you don't need to be married to be a good parent. I think a lot of parents spend too much time on their marriage and not enough time on the children. If you can concentrate on the child and your child has love and consistency, you're going to have a balanced child.

5:16 Adam But, are these non-married people living together?

5:21 Guy Blews In my world, no. They would have separate homes. They would spend a lot of quality time together. The child would spend time with both parents separately and together. And they would know that their relationship was built on the child, not just on themselves.

5:34 Adam That's not a bad concept. I know it goes against what Drew thinks. Drew's plan was, we'll live together, we'll get a 13,000 square foot home where we won't have to see each other. It's an interesting concept. You guys move into a blimp hanger. She moves into the southwestern corner. You're in the northeast. And once in a while, you guys meet at the Prime Meridian, right?

5:56 Drew Isn't that what we're used to?

5:59 Adam Look at it this way. And boy, you've really found a fan in me, Guy.

6:04 Guy Blews Thank you, sir.

6:05 Adam But we can all agree that if you're living on top of each other, it's going to put a lot of stress on a relationship.

6:11 Guy Blews Absolutely.

6:12 Adam And Drew, tell me what you think about this concept. Pretend your wife's not listening. If you, your wife, and your two kids are living in a 700 square foot single apartment in New York, it ain't, it's going to be tough. I mean, it ain't going to last long. You need, and a man especially needs a certain amount of space, a certain amount of domain. If you move into a two-bedroom, it'll probably be a little easier. And if you move into even a little bigger place, and you have that place you can go to, that basement you can work on your hobbies or that garage or what have you, it'll probably take even that much more pressure off the relationship.

6:47 Drew You're just extrapolating that logic out.

6:48 Adam I'm saying if she lived in Tucson, you'd be mad forever. And you were somewhere around Oregon or Alaska, think how long it would go on. I'll tell ya, I'll tell ya, I could get down, here's what I could go for, Drew, and Drew will secretly agree with this, the parents living in the same neighborhood down the street a few clicks, you'd spend the night over at the old lady's house, she'd sleep over at your pad once in a while, but you'd have your own domain. Kids would be brought up in the street between the two of you.

7:21 Drew In my male head, there's something alluring about that, but I can tell you someone that's in a marriage, it's an experience that you don't really appreciate unless you're in. From the moment I was in, I was surprised at how rewarding it was and that being able to have a unit together as a unit and the family as a unit, you would lose something if you didn't have that.

7:47 Guy Blews But then, the divorce rate is 65%.

7:49 Drew Well, something's not working, I'll give you that.

7:51 Guy Blews Therefore, it's very painful for a child to go through a divorce. If you don't have to go through the divorce in the first place and the child is brought up understanding that mommy and daddy live apart, then they're going to understand it when mommy and daddy don't get on so well, but they still get time with mommy and daddy.

8:03 Adam Is it really 65 now?

8:05 Guy Blews It's between 59 and 70 at the moment, so I kind of said 65.

8:09 Adam Really?

8:10 Guy Blews Should I say 64 and a half? It's high.

8:12 Adam Yeah, be more accurate. How dare you try to snow us.

8:17 Guy Blews I'm so sorry. Wow.

8:18 Adam I didn't know it was that high.

8:20 Drew In this state probably is, yeah.

8:21 Adam Oh, in California, yeah.

8:23 Guy Blews In Russia and places like that, it's even worse.

8:24 Drew But now we talk to kids all the time who aren't getting married and who aren't living together. I mean, that's sort of our Loveline listener profile.

8:30 Guy Blews Well, they shouldn't, I mean, kids shouldn't have children at the end of the day. If you're going to go back to the child thing, kids shouldn't have children. They haven't learned about themselves and they're not going to be a good parent and they're going to end up with screwed up kids.

8:40 Adam Well, anybody who's in their mid-30s can look back at them, their selves when they were in 1920, 21 and think, holy Christ, what a mess I was. You know what I mean? Even a guy like Drew who is together by societal standards can admit that emotionally he was a mess at 19 or 20.

9:00 Drew You're saying that so it's a stretch for me. Are you kidding?

9:03 Adam Well, see now, so if you'd had a kid at 20, your child would now be, let me do the math, 52. No, your kid would now be in their 20s and would be a basket case.

9:15 Drew Oh, the humanity.

9:16 Adam All right. Christy? Christy? You're 16.

9:23 Caller Oh, I'm on the air.

9:25 You know the guy that took my call?

9:27 I just want to say that he was really, really nice. And I just give him a big kiss if I was there right now because he's like so nice. He didn't cut me off and told me to come back an hour later like the other lady did.

9:36 Adam That's new phone screener, Damien, and I'm going to talk to him about being polite to the call.

9:40 Drew Well, let it be played.

9:42 Adam That's got to end.

9:43 Drew You know, the natural history of that, we only know it's owned in about two weeks, don't we?

9:45 Adam Yeah, he'll get angry and bitter like we are.

9:48 Guy Blews Cool back in a month.

9:51 Oh, and the guest, I love your accent.

9:55 Drew Thank you, baby.

9:56 Guy Blews You're so sweet.

9:56 Drew That's all she hears.

9:57 Guy Blews Thank you. Yeah, you haven't seen me.

9:58 Drew Don't know what we're there talking about, Guy, but we like the accent.

10:01 Adam Hey, look, hey, hold on a second, Christy. I just want to ask Guy a question. I don't know if he can answer this, but I bet he could. I obviously were sort of enamored with that English accent out here. When American goes to the UK, do we get that same?

10:16 Guy Blews If you're speaking to me, you do. I love the American accent. I do. I love it.

10:19 Drew Only Guy.

10:20 Guy Blews Everyone else in England is disgusted. The English are empirical. They love themselves too much. They're like, here we are, Britain and blah, blah, blah.

10:27 Adam What about voiceover work? Like here, if we're selling a luxury car or we're selling a perfume, we might use a guy with a British accent.

10:36 Guy Blews I don't get any work. I've tried it.

10:38 Adam Oh really?

10:38 Guy Blews Yeah. But then I listen to the radio. There's no English accents on the radio.

10:41 Adam Richard Blunt? Oh no, he's gone. Christy? Anthony Hopkins.

10:44 Caller Yeah.

10:45 Adam All right. I'm sorry. Go ahead.

10:46 Caller What's your question?

10:47 Well, my friend, she waxes her legs and her arms and stuff.

10:53 She waxes her legs and her arms and stuff. And she said she's a little less sensitive.

10:58 And so when she found out that I wax my pubic area, she started making fun of me and telling me that I was going to lose my sensitivity there.

11:05 Caller Is that true?

11:06 Drew No.

11:07 No?

11:07 Drew No.

11:08 Adam You just do around that area, right?

11:11 Caller No, I take it all off.

11:12 Adam Take the whole thing off?

11:13 Caller Yeah.

11:13 Drew It's not like your clitoris has hair though. I mean this is...

11:16 Adam You don't dump any of the wax up in there, do you?

11:18 Caller It's pre-waxed strips.

11:20 Adam You're not making a mold of yourself is what I'm saying.

11:22 Drew It's the strips.

11:23 Caller I see.

11:23 Adam It's the strips. You do the whole thing?

11:25 Caller Yeah. It looks bad with hair.

11:30 Adam Little hair is nice. No hair feels strange to me.

11:35 Drew What do you mean looks bad?

11:36 Adam It feels a little like pedophilia.

11:37 Drew How do you feel about the fact that you menstruate?

11:40 Oh, I just started a while ago. I don't like it.

11:43 Drew Yeah. This is the whole freak out about the growing up thing.

11:46 Yeah.

11:46 Adam It is?

11:47 Drew Oh, yeah.

11:48 Adam But wait a minute. For a woman to take her hair off down there and say it looks bad, is that a freak out about growing up or is that more of a feminine beauty societal thing? Do you know what I mean?

11:57 Drew I freak out that I'm bleeding. I freak out they got hair down there.

12:00 Adam Well, bleeding isn't a real attractive feminine feature either.

12:04 Drew No, she's freaked out by it. It's like, oh my God. It's repulsive.

12:07 Adam Well, she didn't say that. Christy?

12:09 Caller Yeah.

12:10 Adam Which one is it? I mean, do you know what I'm saying?

12:13 Caller Yeah, I know what you're saying.

12:14 I just think, I never, like, I don't like hairy arms or hairy legs. I don't like hairy down there either.

12:19 It's itchy when you run, you know.

12:21 Caller But yeah, I'm also freaked out.

12:23 Caller Both.

12:24 Adam Okay, so.

12:24 Drew She's freaked out.

12:25 Adam No, Drew, you'd make a great lawyer because you corner these poor scantily little guys.

12:31 Drew Well, as you well know, people have their explanations and their motivation.

12:36 Adam Yeah, but you can't just keep feeding them your answer.

12:39 Drew She started out with, I'm freaked out about a freak.

12:41 Adam No, you said freaked out.

12:43 Drew You weren't listening.

12:43 Adam No, I'll play the tape back.

12:46 Drew Anderson.

12:47 Adam Chrissy? Yeah. You have breasts?

12:51 Excuse me?

12:51 Adam Do you have breasts?

12:53 Yeah, I like to think myself as a big A, but yeah.

12:58 Adam So how's the breast going? Would you like your breast to be bigger?

13:00 Yeah, I want it to be like an anime.

13:02 Adam Like a what?

13:04 Like, you know, the Japanese animation, like...

13:07 Adam You want the big breasts? Yeah. Well, you see, Drew? So that's not freaked out. That's female, female fetish.

13:13 Drew Which is a freak out about what that is.

13:16 Adam Alright, circle around and salvage your answer. Very nice strategy.

13:19 Drew No, that's what that is.

13:19 Adam Very nice. Very nice. Chrissy? Yeah. Alright, baby. Stop reading the Vogue. Stop watching so much TV and relax a little.

13:29 Drew No more Pokemon.

13:29 Adam I smell an eating disorder coming on.

13:31 Guy Blews Be happy with yourself.

13:32 Adam Have you been with a man yet?

13:34 No.

13:35 Drew Were you sexually abused?

13:36 I think so.

13:37 Drew Yeah. Adam, come on.

13:39 Adam What do you mean? What are you talking about?

13:41 Drew That's what this story is.

13:42 Adam Freaking out about becoming a woman?

13:44 Drew Yes.

13:45 Adam No, I think it's woman fetish. Yes. She wants to look like Japanese animation.

13:50 Drew It's a way of freaking out. Listen, I'm going to get to that book. Seriously.

13:54 Guy Blews Is it because it's impossible to look like Japanese animation that she wants to look like Japanese animation? No, no.

13:58 Drew It's a way of fetishizing her whole body.

14:00 Adam That's what I'm saying. That's what I was saying.

14:02 Drew It's a way of controlling sexuality.

14:03 Adam Hold on a second. It started off with, why did she have her hair removed?

14:09 Drew Yeah.

14:09 Adam Why did she want her crotch hair removed? You said she was freaking out and becoming a woman. Okay? As in puberty set in and she wanted to get rid of that. That's how you describe it. I said it's not that she's becoming a woman from a puberty standpoint, it's that she has a female fetish and she's trying to look like a playboy or like a Japanese cartoon.

14:30 Drew We're saying the same thing.

14:32 Adam We are? Well, you didn't describe it right the first time.

14:34 Drew I'll give you that.

14:35 Adam Thanks. Shannon? Yeah. Doctor over there. I got a half a semester at junior college. I'm smarter than this guy. But the academic probation at LA Valley College, junior college, I got more sense than this guy. Shannon?

14:48 Drew More sense.

14:49 Same.

14:49 Adam Same sense. Same sense. Same sense.

14:51 Hi.

14:52 Adam What's up? But I saved money. What's up?

14:56 Drew Then you have more sense.

14:58 My husband is an alcoholic and I got pregnant from him and I want to know how this sperm can affect the baby.

15:05 Adam The drunken sperm?

15:06 Yeah.

15:07 Drew Not at all. Except that you have about a 50% chance of inheriting the genetic predisposition for alcoholism.

15:13 Adam Kid could come out wearing a lampshade, isn't that true, Drew? No, that's no longer good alcoholic humor.

15:19 Drew No, just the sperm wears the lampshade, right?

15:21 Adam I see.

15:23 Drew The genetic predisposition for addiction has passed along, whether it's a mother or dad, whether it's both, and it's about a 50% per child that you get that gene.

15:31 Okay, because I was pregnant like a couple months ago and I had lost the baby, and I was just wondering if that was maybe why.

15:37 Drew No.

15:38 Adam Are you working to get pregnant?

15:40 Well, no.

15:41 Adam You're just irresponsible, stupid? What's going on?

15:44 I'm married.

15:46 Adam I know, but you're 20 years old. You're married to an alcoholic.

15:49 Drew You're pregnant twice in a month.

15:51 Adam You don't want to kind of get things in order, you know, before you start the family?

15:55 Well, I do have everything in order.

15:58 Caller I mean, I'm sure you got it.

15:59 Adam You're 20. You got an alcoholic husband.

16:01 Caller It's not like we're on welfare.

16:02 Drew Oh, so you want to get pregnant?

16:04 Caller I want a baby, yes.

16:05 Drew Oh, you want? You're working to get pregnant?

16:07 Caller Yes, I do.

16:08 Drew Oh, when Adam said that, you said, no, we're not working to get pregnant.

16:11 Caller No, I didn't. He just makes it seem like, well, everybody has a welfare statistic that wants to get pregnant. He always tells people, well, don't get pregnant.

16:18 Drew Well, no.

16:19 Guy Blews Do you think it's good for the baby to have an alcoholic father?

16:22 Caller No, it's not. But, you know, I'm a good mother, and I think he would be a good father. It just doesn't mean, because he's an alcoholic, doesn't mean that he's going to be a bad father.

16:31 Drew I'll give you that. But it will affect the child. It really will. And you've got to get your husband into some kind of recovery.

16:37 Caller And he won't, though.

16:40 Adam Well, have more kids. That'll force him in. Screwball. Hold on a second. How dare you, ma'am. How old is your husband?

16:48 Guy Blews He's 22.

16:49 Drew I can't believe you're not mad at her for saying no to everything you said.

16:52 Adam No, I'm done with everyone's denial, including my own. Wait a minute. I just denied my own denial.

16:57 Guy Blews Hold on.

16:58 Adam I got to rethink that. Shannon, what does your husband do for a living?

17:01 Caller He's a carpenter.

17:03 Adam Oh, that's a horrible, horrible job.

17:05 Caller He makes good money.

17:06 Adam Sure, until the economy slows down and he gets laid off. And what do you do?

17:10 Caller Well, no, he's going to school and if that happens, then he'll have something else to fall in.

17:14 Adam That's right. What do you do?

17:16 Caller Oh, I'm a cashier.

17:18 Adam That's right. All right. So you guys are rolling in the dough over there.

17:21 Caller Well, I mean, it's not like we're poor.

17:23 Drew They're honest, make honest living.

17:24 Adam All right. All right.

17:25 Drew Even I'm offended.

17:26 Adam Listen, I'm saying we just had a conversation about where your head is at at 20, and it's just not a good time to have a kid, especially with an alcoholic husband. Now, if you're pregnant, I mean, you got nine months to get that guy straight.

17:40 Drew What's good?

17:40 Caller I already have a kid.

17:43 Caller But I mean, he is a good father.

17:46 Adam All right.

17:46 Drew Let's go down Guy's path. Why did you get married to him in the first place?

17:51 Caller Well, he was good at first. I mean, every guy is good at first, and then a year later, we got married and he turned into an alcoholic.

17:59 Drew What do you think, Guy? What should she have done differently?

18:02 Guy Blews I think that if you're going to marry someone after having known them a year, you don't know them. You got to spend, I mean, let's say you live till 75. That's what my math is. 55 years of your life with someone you knew for a year. I think you should definitely spend more time with people. I don't see what the rush is. It's like such a validation of your relationship. If you are really happy with someone, you don't need to be married to prove it to anybody.

18:21 Caller Yes, and I'll say, yeah, I was young and stupid. I was very young and stupid.

18:24 Drew What was the rush?

18:26 Caller The rush for what?

18:27 Drew Marriage.

18:28 Caller Getting married.

18:28 Drew Yeah.

18:29 Caller I believe it was just wanting to get out of my house.

18:32 Drew Did you have an abusive alcoholic dad?

18:34 Caller No, my dad left when I was 12.

18:37 Drew Was he an abusive alcoholic before he left?

18:39 Caller No. I mean, he drank and he tried to commit suicide every week.

18:43 Guy Blews He just walked into the same trap that your mother walked into.

18:45 Drew That's right. That's an alcoholic. And that's what you married.

18:48 Guy Blews And you're going to try and repair this man, and you won't be able to repair him. And it's going to be a really hard battle. It's going to be harder for the kids than anybody else.

18:55 Drew What you can do, Shannon, what you can do is go to Al-Anon. And that might change things a little bit, and that might make you truly be a good mother.

19:01 Adam Can you do that, Shannon? On behalf of the kids, and no more kids after this one, right?

19:06 Caller Okay.

19:06 Adam Alright.

19:07 Caller Thank you.

19:08 Adam You couldn't give this one to a family of beaver and let them have a decent chance at a life?

19:12 Caller Hey, that is messed up. I'm a good mother.

19:14 Adam Alright, baby.

19:15 Caller Bye-bye.

19:16 Adam Alright. Everyone's... I'll tell you, you know what I'd like to... There's two things that everyone is...

19:25 Caller Or ours.

19:27 Adam Here's what people say. They say, I got a great sense of humor and I'm a good parent, good mother, good father.

19:34 Drew I'm not good-looking.

19:35 Adam No, no. I don't... Drew, why do you always do that? I say there's two things. No, people don't all say they're good-looking. I think there's plenty of people admit they're, eh, okay. But everyone thinks they have a good sense of humor. Not necessarily can tell a joke. Just a good sense of humor and everyone thinks they're a good mom or a good dad. I think both those things are, I think people overestimate themselves in both departments.

20:00 Guy Blews They can always take a joke until it's on them.

20:03 Caller Right, right.

20:05 Adam Oh my God. Sarah? You're 19. Yes. What's up?

20:11 Caller I was told two weeks ago when getting a colposcopy and cervical biopsy that I have dysplasia.

20:18 Drew Didn't they know that already, which is why they did the colposcopy?

20:20 Caller They told me I had abnormal cells.

20:22 Adam All right.

20:22 Drew Well, that's what dysplasia is, abnormal cells.

20:26 Caller Well, they told me I have stage one and two, I'm shown. They're doing a test to see if I'm at stage three.

20:32 Drew Cancer.

20:33 Adam Yeah.

20:34 Drew But it's called...

20:35 Caller Well, they told me that dysplasia was in three different stages.

20:38 Drew It's called carcinoma in situ, is really what that's called. And it's really not truly cancer yet, but it's on the way to cancer. But that's why you have the colposcopies, that's why you have this little air is removed. And that's how you prevent the cancer from becoming active.

20:48 Caller I've had two aunts that had dysplasia and other issues at the same time.

20:52 Adam What is that dysplasia, Drew? I thought that's when German shepherds' hips would...

20:56 Drew No, no. This is on the way to cervical cancer.

21:00 Caller Okay.

21:00 Adam What am I talking about? Dysplasia?

21:03 Caller Is it different?

21:04 Drew This is dysplasia.

21:05 Adam This is the same thing?

21:07 Drew Hip dysplasia, yeah.

21:09 Adam The same thing? You know, they talk about it with dogs, certain dogs, German shepherds have that.

21:14 Drew There's no term like that in humans, so I don't know how they spell it.

21:17 Adam They think it's spelled differently?

21:19 Drew I don't know what the term is. It's obviously some sort of arthritis or displacement of the hip.

21:24 Adam So this ain't that?

21:25 Drew No. These are abnormal cells. And this is cancer.

21:30 Caller What's my likelihood of getting cancer and having a hysterectomy?

21:34 Drew Zero if you keep it under control. If you keep the proper follow up and have these things taken out when they recur. And they're thought to be, well, virtually zero. And they're thought to be from wart virus.

21:45 Caller Well, that's what they told me. And I asked if there's any way for them to see if I have warts, because up to my knowledge, I've never...

21:51 Drew Well, you sort of assume that you do.

21:54 Caller Yeah.

21:55 Drew And so you ought to assume that you can...

21:56 Caller Are there any tests for them to prove or disprove that?

21:58 Drew There probably are. I don't know right off hand what they would do, but I'm sure there are, in fact.

22:03 Caller Okay.

22:04 Drew But you just assume that it's there. And the kind of wart that tends to cause the cancers like this are the ones that persist, too. So you should also assume that you're contagious with that.

22:13 Caller Yeah, because I listen to your show a lot, and I listen to, and I try to find out about STDs. I don't want kids, and I don't want, you know, at this point, I don't want any STDs. I try to be protected and safe. I've never shown any symptoms. That's why I was wondering.

22:28 Drew Well, but now you are, you could be, but now you are showing the symptoms.

22:31 Caller Okay.

22:32 Drew Yeah.

22:32 Guy Blews Do these things get worse when you worry about them?

22:34 Caller Huh?

22:35 Drew No. They actually get better because you do the screening and the screening. These are things that just have to be constantly, constantly screened for. And just keep taking them off, and that's the end of it.

22:44 Adam Oh, bad times. Um, I know we gotta go to break. Let me just check in with Renee before we go to break. Renee?

22:51 Yeah.

22:52 Adam You're 21? Your boyfriend went to jail?

22:55 Caller Well, it's pretty much like he was already in jail when I started dating him.

23:01 Drew Pretty much like?

23:02 Caller He was in jail.

23:03 Drew Oh, okay.

23:04 Adam That's a point. How do they work that? How do you meet guys in prison?

23:07 Caller Well, because I dated him from before, and one time I just started thinking about him, and I wondered where he was at, and I looked him up, and wrote him a letter, and he started writing me back.

23:18 Adam All right.

23:18 Drew Looked him up at the state pen.

23:20 Caller Yeah, actually, I called DOC and asked everything.

23:22 Drew Did you meet him the first time he was in the jail?

23:24 Caller No.

23:24 Adam No, he was on the outside. They were actually speeding down a desert highway. He was firing over shoulder at a police cruiser that was fine. That was their first date.

23:37 Drew Yeah.

23:37 Adam I'm going way out on a limb here, but you big gal?

23:41 Caller No.

23:42 Drew Really?

23:43 Caller Well, I mean, like, I'm a little bit thick in the hips, but I'm not like, you know, I don't have no rolls or nothing.

23:48 Drew You're fat.

23:48 Adam All right. Drew, please, that's just, I'm just playing a hunch. That's all. You just don't see that many leggy gals looking up guys in the pen.

23:58 Caller I think I just have like a self-respect issue. Yeah. All right.

24:03 Adam Yes. And I just, I made it worse. Hold on a second, Renee. We're going to get to the bottom of you. We're going to figure you out. And you're going to be a new woman when we're done with you. All right? You're overweight. Drew, please. I know. Hold tight. All right? Okay. All right. Guy Blews is our guest tonight. Marriage and How to Avoid It is the name of his book. We'll get back with Renee and her issues after this. Hello?

24:28 This is Loveline.

24:30 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline will be right back.

24:33 Adam Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Guy Blews is our guest tonight. Marriage and How to Avoid It is the name of his book. And you can get that at amazon.com. All major bookstores. And where else, Guy? Did I leave anything out?

24:54 Guy Blews barsandnoble.com, borders.com, booksamillion.com. My last name spelt B-L-E-W-S, though. It's kind of weird. Sorry.

25:02 Adam Kind of a cool last name.

25:03 Guy Blews Thank you, sir.

25:04 Adam Yeah. I like that. And let's see. When we left off, we were speaking to René. René is 21. Dated a guy for a while, then they went separate ways. Then she looked him up and found out he was incarcerated, wrote him a letter and struck up the relationship again.

25:24 Drew What did you think when you found out he was incarcerated?

25:27 Caller Well, I already knew. See, the reason why I'm like calling is because...

25:34 Drew Wait a minute. What did you think when you thought, hey, he's incarcerated. What did that mean to you?

25:39 Caller Well, I didn't really care because all I wanted...

25:41 Drew Did you not care or was it even a positive?

25:43 Caller Well, it wasn't positive. I mean, it just wasn't like an issue. I mean, it was kind of aggravating after I really started getting to like him because I couldn't really... I'd go and visit him like every weekend and I'd get all pissed off or sad or whatever.

25:55 Guy Blews Mourny.

25:56 Caller Well, yeah, that too. But I mean, I'd play with myself like every night so I took care of that. But that also drew me nuts because I'd play with myself every single night, you know, for like three months and it didn't help. So I was like, uh...

26:08 Adam Yeah, but you kept with it. God bless you.

26:10 Guy Blews You kind of brought it on yourself though. You knew what you're letting yourself in for, didn't you?

26:13 Caller Well, I mean, like, I didn't because I really trusted him. And I don't know, I'm dumb for trusting him. But and that's the really...

26:21 Guy Blews Trusted him to do what?

26:24 Caller Just stick around and, you know...

26:25 Drew You gotta stay in jail there.

26:27 Caller Well, no, I mean, he got out. He was supposed to get out in August and then he got out on a bracelet. And I was like over at his house. And then right when he got paroled and sat on his bracelet, that he called me and told me his parole officer said that I couldn't see him because I had misdemeanors or something. And then I called his parole officer and was like, yeah, I'm Renee Martin. And he's like, are you the girl that he's moving up to Brighton with? And I'm like, oh, okay.

26:51 Adam So it wasn't you that he was moving out.

26:53 Caller No, I don't live in Brighton.

26:55 Adam I see. So he...

26:56 Caller Yeah, so I was like, you know, and it took a while for it to like sink in, but I was so hurt and...

27:01 Drew Can you imagine a criminal behaving like that? A criminal, of all people.

27:04 Guy Blews Unbelievable.

27:06 Adam Shockingly.

27:06 Guy Blews Yeah.

27:07 Caller I don't know. I truly believe, you know, I'm smarter than that. It's just the reason why I'm so naïve is because I have like self-respect issues. I mean...

27:15 Guy Blews Right. Do you think you have control issues as well?

27:17 Caller Well, the reason why I call it is because I have some serious anger issues. I probably do have control issues.

27:22 Drew Issue issues.

27:23 Guy Blews Yeah.

27:24 Caller And I mean, like, I've been smoking pot for every single day for the last six years. And I've been doing it because I think I've been trying to control my anger. And I've been diagnosed as bipolar, but I never want to take any of the medications.

27:36 Drew Why didn't you get on with that first?

27:38 Caller Well, I got that Wellbutrin to try to quit smoking. And also, I did it because I wanted to be like, you know, try to make myself…

27:46 Drew Renee, did you tell the doctor that gave you the Wellbutrin that you were bipolar?

27:52 Caller It was like a Planned Parenthood doctor.

27:53 Drew Wellbutrin is a great way to precipitate mania in bipolars. Do not take that medicine. Not unless you're on a mood stabilizer also, like Depakote or Lithium.

28:04 Adam Renee, let me ask you a couple of things. Is this guy out of your life now?

28:09 Caller It, like, I keep on itching to want to call him or whatever, but I know I don't want to. I'm not going to call him no matter what.

28:16 Adam I could leave all that.

28:17 Caller No way that I would ever go back.

28:19 Adam Okay, good. That's a good step.

28:22 Caller Yeah.

28:23 Caller I don't want to have kids.

28:24 Adam Good? Good step number two?

28:26 Caller I've been in school. I've been in school for three years.

28:28 Adam Junior college doesn't count. Number three, let's get rid of that bird of yours. They're horrible, diseased little pets that they cramp, squeal and attack their owners.

28:40 Guy Blews It's in a cage. It's locked up in a jail.

28:43 Adam Interesting symbolism there, yes. So, Renee, you need to feel good about yourself.

28:49 Caller That's the hardest part. I want to call and ask you how do I do it.

28:52 Adam I'll tell you. I'm going to tell you how.

28:54 Drew And then I'll tell you.

28:55 Adam Unfortunately.

28:56 Guy Blews And then I'll tell you.

28:58 Adam You have to earn it. It's not just about a mindset. It's not tomorrow I'm going to...

29:03 Drew It is a mindset. I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And gosh darn it, people like me.

29:08 Adam It's not. You know why?

29:09 Drew That's not it.

29:10 Adam Renee, if it was just a mindset, you would have done it five years ago when you felt bad.

29:14 Drew Well, in fact, there'd be no people with bad self-esteem.

29:16 Adam You just think good thoughts.

29:18 Drew You just decide to have good self-esteem.

29:19 Adam You got to earn it. You got to quit smoking. You got to lose weight. You got to exercise. You got to work harder at your job. If you know there are things... Listen to me. If you know there are things that are bad for you, like this guy, you can't pick the phone up. And if you do, you slide back a little bit. You have to get stronger. You have to move forward. And you have to earn it. It's not going to be that easy.

29:41 Drew And here's the part that most people don't understand. And that is in order for that emotional world to really build in a way that gives you esteem, you have to have regular, stable, connected relationships with people who care about you. And that's not this guy. And those aren't romantic relationships. And with your marijuana addiction, you could find that in a very, very therapeutic fashion by just going to a 12-step program and getting a sponsor. And that would build self-esteem. That's how that program is designed.

30:09 Caller Okay.

30:10 Adam Guy, any parting words for that?

30:12 Guy Blews I would say that if you do end up on your own, don't be unhappy about it. If you spend time alone, it's sometimes a good thing as well, just to think about who you are and why you are the way you are.

30:21 Caller The one thing that I heard that you said that I really respect is that you said that the reason why people should wait to get married is because they need to learn to love themselves before they get married.

30:30 Drew Unfortunately, Rene, it doesn't happen by reading a book or by deciding. It only happens.

30:35 Adam Well, what about marriage and how to avoid it?

30:36 Guy Blews Well, that book will change your life.

30:38 Drew It's why therapy works. It's a regular connected change in relation to another human that actually... The biology has actually worked out now where we've shown that humans' brain really don't change on their own. It requires the presence of a satellite central nervous system for those emotional connections to start developing. And you gotta have that.

30:57 Adam All right. Damon? Yeah.

30:59 How you guys doing?

31:00 Adam You're 18? What's up?

31:01 Caller Hey. What's up, Guy, Drew and Adam?

31:04 Guy Blews Wow.

31:05 Adam That's pretty lucid of you.

31:06 Guy Blews Congratulations.

31:07 Adam Yeah.

31:08 Caller Hey, I had this kind of question. I've been living with my girlfriend and her mom for the past eight months.

31:17 Adam Sweet.

31:19 Caller Huh?

31:19 Adam Yeah.

31:20 Caller And all of a sudden, she's, her mom's been coming on to me. And she asked you off me oral sex. And she's a pot smoker.

31:33 Adam Maybe she thought your penis was a bone.

31:35 Drew Damon's saying, can you imagine what good fortune? And she likes pot. Yeah. And she likes pot.

31:42 Adam Yep. Masha made in heaven.

31:45 Caller I don't smoke pot, nor my girlfriend, but...

31:47 Adam Really?

31:47 Guy Blews You don't smoke your girlfriend? No.

31:50 Adam All right.

31:51 Caller Just her mom, but the reason I was calling is like, how can I... It's real uncomfortable living under her roof.

31:57 Adam Yes.

31:58 Caller With her coming onto me, and I like her girlfriend.

32:00 Adam I understand.

32:01 Caller And I just don't know how to handle it.

32:03 Adam Okay. Mother is a chaotic mess. Understand that. You're 18, it's your girlfriend's mother, and you think somehow, because she's a parent, because she's an adult, she must have it together. Take it from a couple of folks in their mid-30s and beyond. She is a mess. Okay?

32:19 Drew She would look like even more of a mess if you could see it from our perspective.

32:23 Adam Yes. 15 years from now, she'll look like a train wreck. From your eyes. You need to work hard to get out from under her roof.

32:31 Drew Yeah. And do not be alone with her under any circumstances.

32:36 Guy Blews Should he tell the girlfriend?

32:38 Caller No.

32:39 Adam That's just more chaos.

32:40 Drew Oh, no.

32:41 Caller Yeah.

32:41 Adam She knows her mom's a piece of work. And this poor girlfriend of yours, I'm sure, is a piece of work too, just by virtue of the fact she was raised by this screwed up mom.

32:49 Caller Well, she already has a kid and she's 18. I don't mind though.

32:52 Adam Shocking.

32:53 Guy Blews Why are you there?

32:54 Adam Yeah, I know. Why did you choose to get in the midst of this?

32:58 Guy Blews You're a caretaker, aren't you? I can feel it.

33:00 Drew No.

33:00 Adam No, he's desperate.

33:02 Drew No. She's hungry.

33:03 How dare you?

33:05 Adam Wait a minute. Damon? Yeah. All right. We're going to give you three options. Either you're a caretaker, your family's an absolute mess, and you're just trying to get out of the house.

33:14 Drew That's number one. The same.

33:15 Adam Or C, your girlfriend's hot.

33:17 Drew Or she or he's desperate.

33:18 Adam Or you're desperate.

33:20 Caller Which is it?

33:23 Caller How about you want to get out of the house? Was that A or B or C?

33:26 Adam Oh, yeah. You want to get out of the house?

33:27 Caller Not that hot, first of all. Okay. But I'm being honest.

33:31 Adam All right. No?

33:31 Drew So you got to mess it up.

33:33 Caller Maybe my parents put a number on me.

33:35 Drew Oh, you got to mess it up.

33:36 Adam So your parents and you just want to get out.

33:38 Caller Yeah, right. Okay.

33:39 Adam Do you have a job? Yeah. All right. Are you working full time?

33:43 Caller I go to school and I work part time.

33:45 Adam Where do you go to school?

33:46 Caller Arizona State.

33:47 Adam Really? Kind of a four-year junior college there. How about this?

33:54 Caller I don't know.

33:55 Adam You couldn't fund yourself. Could you get a student loan or something? Can you get out of there?

34:01 Caller I don't want to really get a student loan.

34:03 Drew Why?

34:03 Caller I heard a lot of bad things about it.

34:04 Drew Like what?

34:05 Adam About having to pay them back and all?

34:06 Caller Yeah.

34:08 Drew Get a student loan.

34:09 Caller I'm doing okay on my own.

34:11 Adam You're not on your own. You're living with your crazy girlfriend's mom.

34:15 Caller Oh.

34:15 Guy Blews Pervy.

34:16 Adam That ain't on your own.

34:17 Caller What's better? Living with my crazy girlfriend's mom or paying for school?

34:22 Adam Living with... What's better is paying for school and being out on your own?

34:26 Caller I can't pay for school or living with my crazy girlfriend.

34:29 Guy Blews Be your own man. Stand up on your own. Yes.

34:31 Drew Why don't you join a fraternity or something?

34:32 Guy Blews Take the responsibility.

34:33 Caller Join a what?

34:34 Drew Fraternity or something.

34:36 Adam That still costs something. Damon, here's what you're going to have to do.

34:38 Caller You've got to look out for that, don't you? All right, go ahead.

34:40 Adam Okay, listen to me. As you know, I'm a genius, a self-proclaimed genius.

34:44 Caller Sure of that.

34:45 Adam A disputed, self-proclaimed genius. Yes. Here's what you need to do. You need to put school on hold for a year, get a full-time gig, work hard, get out, get on your own, save some money if necessary, and then go back to school. But you got to get out from under that crazy roof with the toddler, with the screwed up, not even so hot girlfriend.

35:09 Drew There was one problem with that advice, that this guy leaves school, he ain't never going back.

35:13 Adam Well, that's fine. If he ain't never going back, he's not going to get anything out of it while he's there. You look at it that way. All right, let's talk to, check in with Shirley here. Shirley?

35:23 Caller Hi, Adam.

35:25 Dr. Drew?

35:25 Adam What's up?

35:26 I love you guys. Hi.

35:27 Adam Thanks. Say hi to the guy too, by the way.

35:29 Caller Hi. I just wanted to call and say hi. I really like your show and you guys are great. I watch it every night and you guys turn me on immensely.

35:38 Caller Thanks.

35:40 Caller That's all I have to say really.

35:41 Caller I just want to call and say hi. I really like you guys.

35:43 Drew You watch it every night?

35:44 Adam Well, she means listen to it every night.

35:46 Caller Yeah, every night. You're feeling horny. I just sleep here in bed and listen. You guys really turn me on, make me horny all the time. Oh, baby.

35:51 Caller Really?

35:54 Drew Adam, who could resist that voice of yours? Really, seriously.

35:56 Adam Who makes you horny, me or Drew?

35:59 Caller Both you do. I fantasize about both you.

36:01 Adam Oh, that means Drew.

36:01 Guy Blews Just to pair you together.

36:03 Adam Really?

36:03 Back together, no.

36:05 Drew Why would that mean me?

36:06 Adam Well, because I'm asking the question. She hesitates. She says both of you.

36:10 Caller I dislike both of you guys. I listen to you guys every night. And I'm 42 years old. I left my husband after 15 years because he was doing drugs. So I've been going without sex for two years. Because I'm not going to go out there and just be with anybody.

36:22 Adam That's right.

36:23 Guy Blews Get some battery operated machinery.

36:25 Caller Yeah, I do have that.

36:26 Adam Oh, I'll bet.

36:27 Caller Thank God for Taiwan.

36:29 Adam Did you name one Drew and the other one Adam?

36:32 Caller Of course I did.

36:33 Drew Just one end.

36:34 Adam Really?

36:35 Caller I just want to say hi.

36:36 Caller I love you guys, okay?

36:37 Adam Thanks. All right.

36:38 Caller I'll call back.

36:39 Adam God bless. Please don't call back. I'd like to be the business end unless it goes up your ass. Then I'd like Drew to be the business end. You know what I'm saying?

36:48 Drew Yeah, I know what you're saying. All right. Thank you, by the way.

36:51 Adam Yeah.

36:51 Guy Blews Let's not think about it anymore.

36:53 Adam We got to take ourselves a little break. Guy Blews is our guest tonight. He is the author of Marriage and How to Avoid It. We'll take your calls and your questions after this. Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Guy Blews is our guest tonight. He is the author of Marriage and How to Avoid It. Guy, for those of you out in radio land, look a little like the lead singer from Men at Work.

37:33 Guy Blews That's the best I've ever had.

37:34 Adam As he was.

37:35 Drew In 1985.

37:36 Adam As you remember him.

37:38 Guy Blews Silent 17.

37:39 Drew Unfortunately, no one ever listened to him old enough to remember him.

37:42 Guy Blews Men at Who?

37:42 Drew Thank you for that reference.

37:44 Adam I don't know any newer references than Men at Work. That's the newest band I can think of.

37:49 Drew Appropo, though.

37:50 Guy Blews Sounded like a rock star.

37:51 Drew Survivor. The Australian Outback night we're having.

37:54 Adam Alright, let's see.

37:55 Guy Blews I look like Tina.

37:57 Drew Weren't those guys Australian?

37:58 Adam What?

37:59 Drew Men at Work?

38:00 Adam Yeah, I think Men at Work were. Yeah. And all they did was sing about going down under in the Outback. And Vegemite and all that stuff.

38:08 Drew Come on Anderson, get us one of those.

38:11 Adam They really knew their Outback, those guys. Suzanne?

38:15 Drew No.

38:16 Caller Yes?

38:17 Adam You're 30?

38:17 Caller Yes.

38:18 Adam What's up?

38:19 Caller Well first of all, it's Colin Hayes that you're talking about. That's from Men at Work.

38:24 Adam Thank you.

38:24 Caller My question is, does Guy have the eye thing going on? That's a vital element of looking like that.

38:32 Drew We can't tell he's wearing sunglasses, dark shades maybe.

38:34 Caller I'm just thinking he had that like drifting eye.

38:37 Guy Blews No, my eyes are beautiful.

38:39 Caller Okay.

38:39 Drew His eyes seem to focus.

38:41 Guy Blews Would you expect anything else?

38:44 Caller My question for Dr. Drew, actually.

38:46 Yeah.

38:48 Caller This is very bizarre. I've never had this happen before. I think my boyfriend might be allergic to me.

38:53 Caller What happens?

38:54 Caller Basically, I've been dating him for about four months now. We've been sexually active for two and a half months or something like that. I'm on the pill. We started having sex with condoms and then stopped using the condoms. But he was getting a rash. It's not like...

39:12 Drew With the condom, he was getting a rash.

39:13 Caller Well, we went back to using condoms because of the rash. And he still gets a rash wherever my fluids have touched him.

39:21 Drew That's interesting.

39:22 Caller I'm sorry.

39:23 Drew That's interesting. Can you describe the rash to me?

39:25 Caller It's like an allergy rash. I get them, you know, like a stress rash. It gets red. It goes away in a couple of days.

39:33 Adam So if he went down on you, he would get it on his chin?

39:37 Caller That hasn't happened.

39:39 Drew Is it going to the pubic area?

39:40 Adam Why not?

39:40 Caller It's going up. I don't know why.

39:42 Adam Well, but hold on. You said wherever your fluids have touched him.

39:45 Caller I don't think he's going down on me like that hardcore.

39:50 Drew Is it just, what do you call it? The cluster?

39:53 Adam He doesn't give you my carpet bombing technique? Or I take out the whole village with my tongue?

39:58 Caller Last time, which I thought was really odd, I was on top. We used a condom. I've just recently been to the OBGYN and tested. I'm fine. He has never had unprotected sex with anybody else before me. And the last time he got a rash, it was just under his belly button. Because I was on top.

40:20 Adam And you were scooching on him.

40:22 Drew And is it like what we call a wheel and flare reaction? A little bump with a red sort of thing?

40:26 Caller Yeah. At first, he didn't realize he had it. It was scratching because it was itchy. And then it kind of went away after a couple of hours.

40:33 Adam All right. But how about just this sort of friction of it all? No.

40:37 Caller I mean, there's no friction.

40:40 Caller What do you eat?

40:41 Caller I would know the difference.

40:43 Drew How about him taking a little Benadryl, just an anti-allergy medicine, before you guys did this, see if it blocks it?

40:47 Caller Okay. That's a good idea. I'm also wondering, could it be pH balance? Could it be something in my pH? Just now I'm getting older, things are changing with me. I don't know.

40:58 Adam Vagina beginning to sour.

41:01 Drew No, because that would create irritation or burn.

41:05 Adam They go bad eventually.

41:06 Drew Some sort of patch. You're talking about a specific allergic wheel and flare reaction.

41:11 Caller Yeah.

41:12 Drew Hives, right?

41:13 Yeah, I suppose.

41:14 Caller I mean...

41:15 Drew That is a reaction to something in the fluid that your immune system identifies and reacts to.

41:21 Adam Okay, but, Drew, would that permeate your hand if you...

41:25 Drew Not necessarily. It's different skin.

41:27 Adam Different skin. And maybe on your face. Areas that are more exposed... Different... .that have a thicker level of... I mean, is skin...

41:34 Drew If it got on his eyelid, I'd expect a reaction. Okay?

41:37 Guy Blews Try that.

41:38 Adam Right.

41:38 Drew But his chin, no.

41:40 Adam Okay.

41:41 Guy Blews Try that.

41:42 Drew Put it on the eyelid. Yeah. Why not?

41:44 Adam George? I swear. George. Yeah.

41:47 Drew You swear?

41:48 Adam What's up?

41:49 Guy Blews Don't swear.

41:50 Drew George?

41:52 Caller Yeah. All right.

41:52 Drew What's going on?

41:54 Caller Um, the problem is I have, uh, actually not even my girlfriend. She's just a friend of the guy's. She's just like one of the girls and she hangs out with us. And, uh, after the club, because I DJ'd at the club, I... We hung out and I was intoxicated and I had sex with her. And, uh, she says, uh, she said she was pregnant. She didn't tell me, like, uh, like two and a half months later. Almost three months.

42:17 Adam And she said it was your baby?

42:19 Caller Yeah.

42:21 Adam How far along is she now?

42:23 Caller Uh, it happened February 2nd.

42:26 Caller Okay.

42:26 Caller And the thing is, she said she was gonna go get an abortion, but she was too far along.

42:30 Caller Right.

42:31 Caller And, uh, she said she got an injection.

42:34 Drew Yeah? Well, there's, there's...

42:36 Adam So what...

42:37 Drew Well, there are medication that can induce abortion.

42:40 Adam So what's the question?

42:41 Caller Um, I don't know. I think she's been lying to me all this time, like, trying to lure me in, because she was there. She said she went to the hospital and she was there since 6.30 in the morning, and she didn't get out until, like, 7 at night. And to do, like, all this process.

42:55 Drew Could be. Could be.

42:56 Adam But if she got the abortion, how's she luring you in?

43:00 Caller Well, it's like, uh, she still wants me to be there emotionally, because she went through, but, um... And I'm actually, you know, I'm there, and I'm, you know, I don't know what else I'm supposed to do, you know, come for her or whatever.

43:10 Adam Yeah.

43:10 Caller And the thing is, I was wearing a condom during this, too.

43:13 Adam All right.

43:14 Drew Well... Makes it unlikely.

43:16 Guy Blews End of story.

43:17 Adam George, you're not into this girl.

43:19 Caller Oh, no. She annoys me.

43:21 Adam Okay. Well, then stay away from her. She got the abortion. But listen, don't get drunk and, uh, bang her anymore, all right?

43:27 Caller No, no, no, not even. I mean, I wore a condom and everything, and I don't know how it happened or what.

43:31 Drew Well, you were loaded.

43:33 Guy Blews Don't marry her.

43:34 Adam It probably didn't.

43:36 Caller All right. All right.

43:37 Adam Yes. You can sleep tonight.

43:39 Caller All right, cool. Yeah, because I've been really stressing about this. If my girlfriend even found out, she would kill me.

43:44 Adam Oh, yeah.

43:44 Drew You have a girlfriend?

43:46 Caller Yeah.

43:46 Adam Yeah.

43:47 Drew You may want to get this one to pee on a stick for you to make sure she's pregnant, you know what I mean? Just to document it.

43:51 Adam Well, she said she got the abortion.

43:53 Drew He's doubting that's what happened, though.

43:55 Adam All right.

43:57 Caller Maybe it could be like a total lie, the whole thing, but she said she had it, so.

44:01 Adam She said she had the abortion, fine. Whatever it is, it's gone. And listen, keep on the straight and narrow, would you? And what kind of music are you playing? Men at Work?

44:12 Drew Errico 100?

44:13 Caller Maybe like a remix, like a dance?

44:15 Guy Blews If you get in trouble, you can always go Down Under.

44:17 Adam Yeah. What does George sound like? You know, it was so funny. I was thinking, I just wonder why George wore the condom. He was drunk. He's a DJ. He doesn't sound like that kind of guy. He's calling from Bakersfield. And then I realized, girlfriend, put that kind of man thinking about it, thinking about his old lady. That's where it came together for me. He sounds like a dynamite individual, that George. I like to get to know him better. Lance? Yeah. You're 22?

44:42 Caller Adam!

44:43 Adam What's up, buddy?

44:44 Caller You're the man.

44:44 Caller All right. I finally got through. I've been trying to talk to you guys forever, boy. I'm a big fan. You guys are both literally millionaires.

44:52 Adam Literally, literally millionaires.

44:54 Caller Oh, man. This is great. I used to live in all the same dumpy areas you used to live in.

45:00 Caller I lived in Sunland for a while.

45:02 Adam Oh, Sunland.

45:04 Drew It's OK, Adam. It's all right. It's OK. It's all right.

45:05 Guy Blews There's hope for you yet.

45:06 Adam When we threaten people in North Hollywood, we threaten to send them to Sunland. We really do. It's the armpit of the valley, Sunland.

45:15 Caller Oh, sure.

45:16 Adam Boy, what a cramp hole.

45:18 Caller We go walking around in it all hours of the night.

45:20 Adam Listen, you should sue your parents if they lived in Sunland. Oh, I know.

45:23 Caller Yeah. She's right here in the other room here.

45:25 Adam I should. Sure. All right. So where else did you live this time?

45:29 Well, I lived in Montrose for a little while.

45:31 Adam That's nice. That's not bad.

45:33 Caller On Honolulu Boulevard there.

45:34 Adam Not bad. Not bad.

45:35 Caller And where else? Let's see.

45:38 Drew What did you do in Montrose?

45:39 Caller What did I do? I worked at a place called Modern Video. You hear of it, Adam? You ever heard of that place?

45:43 Adam Wait a minute. Was it on the corner?

45:45 Caller It's on the corner.

45:46 Adam Big place, two story?

45:47 Caller That's right.

45:48 Adam Hell yeah. I used to go in there and get porn.

45:50 Caller Did you really?

45:51 Adam Thank you. How big a stretch is that, Lance? I'm shocked. I'm shocked. Ivory Merchant films there. Hold on, Lance. We got to take ourselves a break. Okey doke. All right. You really sound like a delight. Hold on. All right. Guy Blews is our guest tonight. Marriage and How to Avoid It is the book that he's authored. We'll take a break. We'll do a little more reminiscent with Lance after this. Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Guy Blews is our guest tonight. He's the author of Marriage and How to Avoid It. You can find this book at all major bookstores, also borders.com, amazon.com, and all the places you get books, right?

46:40 Guy Blews Exactly.

46:41 Adam That's an easy way to do it.

46:42 Guy Blews It's always an idea.

46:44 Adam When we left off, we were speaking to Lance. Lance is 22 and we're just reminiscing about some of the crappy places. Where does Lance live?

46:54 Drew And you frequented.

46:55 Adam And some of the places I lived. And Lance claims he used to work at a video store out in Montrose, which is sort of... We'll just call it the valley for the rest of the country, but a little off the beaten path.

47:08 Drew Most of the country doesn't understand what you mean when you say the valley.

47:11 Adam I don't know. I mean, do they know about, you know, Valley Girl and that kind of thing?

47:16 Drew I was in the east when that was going on. People, when they talked about the Valley Girl, they assumed it was the valley next to their town.

47:22 Adam Oh, really?

47:22 Drew Name that town, that's the valley.

47:24 Guy Blews So you have to say, Oh, yeah, Fernanda.

47:25 Adam They thought Moon's Appa was?

47:27 Drew Yes.

47:28 Adam No. They knew they were making fun of LA. No.

47:31 Drew I swear to God.

47:32 Adam Now, Drew, you know, if I believed you on half the stuff you said, it would be a very long career for me.

47:38 Drew Now, people were telling me that. Maybe I got a small subset.

47:40 Guy Blews The California Valley is the porn valley.

47:42 Adam It is now.

47:43 Caller It's where they film it all. Right.

47:45 Adam So, Lance. Yeah. Now, do you have a... Do you claim to have a list of some of these movies I've rented?

47:52 Caller Well, actually, you know what? I know you had an account there because I was a big fan back then.

47:56 I looked up your name and I assumed you went...

47:58 Guy Blews Hello? Yeah. Okay.

47:59 And... You're a stalker.

48:01 Adam Nice.

48:02 I'm the biggest fan of you guys.

48:03 Caller I love you guys. I've been trying to get a hold of you for a long time.

48:05 Guy Blews You're a very frightening man.

48:06 Adam I haven't been there since I've been someone to be a fan of. I mean, I wasn't on the radio. What's that?

48:14 Caller What did you say?

48:14 I'm sorry.

48:15 Adam I was teaching boxing back then. I wasn't on the radio.

48:18 Yeah, you're a southpaw too, right?

48:21 Caller You can really trick some right-handers there, right?

48:23 Adam You're starting to scare me here.

48:24 Caller Yeah, I'm a southpaw too, man. That's why I'm such a big fan.

48:27 Drew So, Lance, relax, Lance. Did you say you looked up some of the films that he had rented?

48:30 Caller No, I looked up his last name just for, you know, for...

48:35 Adam For stocking purposes.

48:36 Drew Yeah, to complete the profile you were developing.

48:39 Caller Just to see what he was, you know, on there. And he was there. And actually the only thing that was rented out was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon.

48:51 Caller And I assume that he...

48:52 Caller Hello?

48:52 Caller Yeah.

48:54 Drew This was Nate again.

48:54 Caller It's kind of weird when you're...

48:55 Drew This was Nate using your credit card.

48:57 Adam Oh, yeah.

48:58 Caller And I assume that you had a friend there that would hook you up or something, because I, you know, that is pretty known for its porno section.

49:04 Adam Yeah, yeah.

49:05 Caller And a lot of people would hook up their buddies there and stuff. And of course, yeah, I was working there long after you probably already. You're already big time.

49:12 Caller I was listening to you.

49:13 Adam I did have a buddy who worked there. And by the way, you know you're poor when this guy wasn't even a buddy. He was a friend of a friend. And you're trying to get an in for a $2.75 a day movie. You know what I mean? When you're driving extra eight miles and trying to hook it up and like doing that thing where you want to rent a movie one night but he's not working. So you can't rent the movie because you're not going to squander that $3 at the Korean Place up on Foothill.

49:44 Caller Are you serious? Because I actually went to the Korean Place up there too.

49:47 Adam Yeah, next to the market.

49:48 Caller Next to the market? Yeah, across the street from the, yeah, yeah, across the street, yeah.

49:51 Guy Blews Is your last name McVeigh?

49:53 Caller My last name?

49:53 Guy Blews You're a frightening man.

49:54 Adam All right, Lance. I probably rented Teenage Mutant Turtles for my Catholic little brother.

50:03 Drew Or was there some porn version of that?

50:05 Adam Yeah, that's right.

50:06 Drew What was the porn name for that one?

50:10 Adam All right, Lance.

50:10 Caller You know, I want to say that Drew is, everybody praises Adam. Adam, you are the man, you kick butt on Howard Stern or any other radio personality in history.

50:18 And without Drew, you guys make the perfect team, you know.

50:22 Caller When Drew was not, Drew was very witty, too. And we get a big laugh out of him. And, you know, and you guys are doing the greatest job in the world. Thanks, Lance. And I actually, actually record you guys a lot. And I make my own little Adam mixes.

50:34 Drew Oh.

50:34 Caller And I play them for my buddies.

50:36 And they really laugh.

50:38 Drew Send it down here so we may get on a commercial or something.

50:40 Adam Yeah, I'll put Lance on hold. Yeah, give him the address over here and he can send a tape. We'll give it a listen. I always enjoy that.

50:49 Guy Blews He'll bring it personally. I guarantee that.

50:51 Adam I'm sure.

50:52 Guy Blews See you later, Lance.

50:53 Adam Give it to me via Shotgun Blast.

50:56 Drew Keyster, Keyster, your tapes.

50:59 Adam Lee?

51:00 Yeah.

51:00 Adam You're 31. What's up?

51:03 Caller Well, let's see. Give me a second. It's been a while since I've kind of rehashed all this. My mom was a prostitute and I pretty much raised myself while she was off working. I was molested until I was 12 by two of the children of the woman who was supposed to be taking care of me while my mom was away. Wow.

51:28 Drew These are male or female? Or both?

51:30 Caller Both.

51:31 Adam When you say away, you mean out working, turning tricks, or out in Nevada?

51:37 Caller No.

51:37 Caller Where we were, there was actually a house. There was actually a group of girls.

51:42 Drew I'm curious about this. How old were you when you realized what she did for a living?

51:46 Caller I've known about sex. I've known about prostitution, drugs, the whole bit. The earliest time that I really had an understanding of it was around four.

52:01 Drew How could there be an understanding at four? What did that feel like?

52:04 Caller What was your memory of that? That was just it. I thought that was the way that the world ran.

52:11 Drew That's just the way adults behave.

52:13 Caller Yeah, exactly. One of my earliest memories is actually a poster. I don't know if y'all, Adam probably has seen this poster, but it was a poster of...

52:22 Adam Hold on. Lee, Lee. I don't know what time it is where you're calling from, but it's late over here. No more of those outbursts with my name. It scared the crap out of me.

52:31 Caller Sorry.

52:32 Adam As you know, I tried to drift off to another place during our calls.

52:35 Drew Now, what was this poster of?

52:38 Caller It was a poster in the house, and it was of Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner. And Coyote actually had the Road Runner grabbed by his neck.

52:47 Adam And it said, wait, it said, Beep, beep my ass?

52:51 Caller Yeah, exactly.

52:52 Adam Nice.

52:53 Caller I've known that. That was the first image of of a Warner Brothers cartoon character that I ever remember. And that was it. And it was in a whorehouse.

53:01 Adam OK. Oh, wait a minute. Watch it there, guy. That's that's that's considered a swear word in this country.

53:10 Guy Blews Sorry.

53:11 Adam No, not you.

53:12 Guy Blews Oh, you apologize for me.

53:12 Adam That's great. So, Lee, what can we do for you?

53:16 Caller Well, the thing is, I've been able to hold it together really well. But I mean, forever. I mean, as long as I can remember, my self-worth has always revolved around sex because the only people that paid attention to me were the people that wanted something from me. And the thing that really just is a kick in the head is, I'm married to an incredible woman. I'm a proud father of an incredible little girl. I've got the job that I've always wanted to have. I mean, I'm in the movie industry. I'm doing what I want to do. Not one of those where I settled for something. I'm actually doing what I want to do. But deep down in my heart of hearts, my self-worth in my mind revolves around sex and its relationship, you know, being accepted by others in a sexual way.

54:04 Drew So you're doing all kinds of sexual compulsive acting out, huh?

54:07 Caller Yes.

54:07 Drew Like what?

54:09 Caller You know, stuff like... And the thing is, I was always raised around women, so I have this intuitive way. And if I weren't so screwed up, it'd be a great thing. If I were single, it'd be a great thing. But I have this really intuitive way of pretty much being able to get any woman that I want, which, you know, this kind of sounds screwball, but that's not necessarily something that's good.

54:31 Adam Yeah, I had it in high school. It's a curse.

54:34 Guy Blews You should write a book about that because you do well.

54:36 Adam Did he say jack off to any woman he wanted to? That's what he said, isn't it?

54:41 Drew That's his intuitive way.

54:42 Adam I had the same thing.

54:44 Caller I've been able to, like, I spot women in the road. I see them driving. I've gotten them to pull over, give me their numbers.

54:51 Adam Right, like Ted Bundy.

54:53 Caller Every female woman. Thanks, Adam.

54:55 Adam Okay.

54:56 Caller Every female boss that I've ever had, I've slept with.

55:00 Adam Okay. So let me ask a couple of questions, Lee. First off, sounds like you've had some therapy because you do sound, in a way, like fairly knowledgeable. I mean, you know what's going on with yourself.

55:13 Caller They put me in therapy. They started putting me in therapy when I was five. They thought I was dyslexic and then found out I was really bored and no tooting my own horn, but they gave me, I think it was the Oxford Standardized IQ Test. And when I was six, I scored a 165 on it.

55:28 Adam All right. So you're an intelligent guy, but you were born into a horrible environment. Well here's the thing. You are screwed up on the inside, but as we learn from this show, you're really only as screwed up as your actions, you know? And you're not totally acting out right now. Are you cheating on your wife?

55:52 Caller No, I'm not. But the thing is, having a child really puts a lot of stuff in a perspective and my father wasn't around and the actions of my mother, I mean, I literally raised myself.

56:03 Adam Okay. All right. Well, let's think, are you addicted to anything besides the sex?

56:08 Caller No.

56:09 Adam No substances?

56:11 Caller No. I mean, I had my run-through just like pretty much everybody else with pot and booze and stuff like that when I was in high school, but what do you think of that now?

56:18 Adam What do you think about SA for someone like Lee?

56:21 Drew Yeah, the 12-step program, or really, I think the place to start would be another therapist with experience with dealing with these sorts of sexual compulsions and trauma survivorship. What you're manifesting is typical of people with that history and in fact, you've got it way more together than the average person would with that kind of history, way more together, which is what Adam's pointing out.

56:41 Adam Yeah.

56:42 Drew But, yeah, you do need, though, treatment for this. This is something that really, it's a injury and it's a lifelong issue that has to be managed and it's just like, you know, if you got your leg broken or refuse to have it set, if you don't do something about it, it's going to affect your ability to function.

56:57 Adam But I do want to make a couple of points and it's something I've given some thought to recently, which is a lot of us feel like insane people on the inside, but we hold our jobs down and we pay our bills and we love our kids and we love our spouses and we don't kill anybody or hurt anybody. And we do what we have to do as human beings. And you should give yourself credit for that. I mean, you can only be so insane and carry on and take care of business and not hurt yourself or anybody else. So just because you feel like a mess on the inside doesn't mean you should go through life that way or at least feeling that way. Because you're not, you are containing yourself.

57:37 Drew The ability to contain is something that has been sort of under emphasized in the last 30 years. It's a very important skill.

57:44 Adam And crazy is as crazy does. I mean, I swear to Christ, I've done this in my own life, which is I've always been a little screwy. I've always been irresponsible. I've never been able to get it together. And I just decided at a certain point, hey, why don't you just at least act like a person who has it together and therefore you can make some money and have some things and get some car and dental insurance. And before you know it, if you just keep acting that way, you sort of become that person. The world is your oyster. Thank you. I mean, because that's all the world is. That's what my grandfather told me.

58:19 Drew You're not fooling anyone.

58:22 Adam But I got a house. I mean, Drew, you know, you know, you don't, you know, you don't understand the thing that you don't understand is there's crazy and then there's crazy without a car.

58:37 Drew You know what I mean?

58:38 Adam It's much worse to be crazy without a car.

58:40 Drew I agree. That's the point we're both making.

58:41 Adam Right.

58:41 Guy Blews He's got my respect. I respect him a lot for that.

58:45 Adam Is that me or Lee?

58:46 Guy Blews No, Lee.

58:47 Adam Oh yeah.

58:47 Guy Blews The man. And you, of course I respect you. You are amazing. You're amazing. But Lee has got my respect.

58:54 Adam Jessica?

58:54 Guy Blews He's stood up and he's done it.

58:55 Hi.

58:56 Adam You're 13.

58:57 Caller Yeah, I wear a 36D and I was kind of wondering, am I too young to get a rest reduction?

59:04 Guy Blews Bouncy, Bouncy.

59:05 Drew Yes. Yes, you are too young for that.

59:07 Adam I'm 13, yeah.

59:09 Caller Yeah.

59:10 Drew How much do you weigh?

59:11 Caller 140.

59:12 Drew How tall are you?

59:13 Caller 5'7.

59:15 Adam Let me do a little radio math there. That's 5'5, 161. So, Jessica, you're not fat, but maybe you have a few extra pounds on you?

59:30 Caller Not really at all. I play sports all year round.

59:35 Adam Right. Refrigerator Perry made the Pro Bowl in 86. That doesn't mean he wasn't a big dude.

59:42 Caller I'm kind of like chunky.

59:46 Guy Blews A lot of guys chasing you around?

59:48 Caller Huh?

59:48 Guy Blews A lot of guys chasing you around?

59:49 Caller Yeah, like I kind of get kind of self-conscious because it's like they're really big.

59:54 Guy Blews Whatever you do, do not hunch back. Don't bend over and hide it because it looks even worse. Keep standing up straight, be proud.

1:00:02 Adam You play sports with those things and it works out okay?

1:00:05 Caller Yeah, I could just wear a sports bra and it's all okay.

1:00:09 Drew Okay. It's something you've got to get used to. You only had this for a little while. Guys treat you differently, women think about you differently, girls think about you differently. It's a difficult adjustment, but don't go cutting on your body just right now. This may be something you learn to like about yourself. It's certainly plenty of time to have reductions later if you start having back problems, shoulder problems, back problems, that sort of thing.

1:00:32 Adam Okay, so your goals are don't hunch forward, feel good about yourself.

1:00:37 Guy Blews Remember, a lot of girls want to have what you got. A lot of girls with small A's.

1:00:43 Adam You were blessed and God has touched you. Hopefully not again. Just that one time.

1:00:49 Caller Yeah, this is like I'm only 13 and I'm just starting to like grow up and how big are they going to get?

1:00:57 Drew Well, maybe not much more.

1:00:58 Adam For some women say they stopped very early and some women say they didn't start until late. You started early, hopefully you'll stop early. But whatever the case may be, no surgery for at least a couple of years. So live with it, try not to watch your weight because if you get big, those will get bigger too and cause you more problems. Stay with your sports and your sports brawn. Good times, baby. Okay. Yeah, don't listen everybody. Being different in a good way ain't always such a bad thing. You know what I mean? There's different, meaning you got a huge hook nose or you're bald at 15 and then there's different. You're tall or you're chesty or you're a leggy or whatever it is or you're a brainiac. That kind of different ain't so bad.

1:01:49 Guy Blews You can make money out of all of it.

1:01:51 Adam That's right. Johnny?

1:01:53 Caller Yeah.

1:01:54 Adam You're 15?

1:01:55 Caller Yeah, I'm 15.

1:01:56 Adam What's up?

1:01:57 Caller Well, first of all, I want to say like you're like a god Adam and Drew, like you don't get all the credit you deserve. Johnny, what's going on? Whatever. Well, like just this past Tuesday, I was at my friend's house and I was like smoking out out of his like bond. It was like really dirty, like I had a lot of resin in it. I didn't like when I went home later that day, like my mouth was feeling dry and then like I got some and it's like a rash. I got like a rash on it. Then like my mom told me like it looked like herpes or something. It's just all red and it really itches.

1:02:29 Drew Where is it exactly?

1:02:30 Caller It's like around my mouth.

1:02:32 Drew All around like it like?

1:02:33 Caller Yeah. I felt my lips too. What?

1:02:35 Adam Could the bong because it was dirty, been clogged and you suck too hard? That'll give you a thing.

1:02:43 Caller No, because there's like a whole bunch of little bumps. All right.

1:02:46 Drew Are they blister like?

1:02:48 Caller Sort of.

1:02:49 Drew Do they do they crust at all?

1:02:51 Caller Yeah.

1:02:52 Drew What color is the crust?

1:02:53 Caller It's like a yellow color.

1:02:55 Drew You know what that is? That's impotigo. That's a strep infection. Yeah. And you probably did get that from the bong and that does pass along very easily like that. So that's something you got to see a doctor about. It can be kind of nasty.

1:03:05 Adam And what does it do? Does it reoccur? Does it go away?

1:03:08 Drew It's an infection. Yeah, it's a strep infection.

1:03:10 Adam Is it ringworm?

1:03:11 Drew No, it's impotigo.

1:03:12 Caller Yeah, because like it is ringworm.

1:03:13 Adam Hold on, Anderson, please. How many times have I warned you about talking during the show?

1:03:18 Drew Honey-colored crusts are classic for impotigo and it tends to be around the mouth.

1:03:23 Adam Yeah.

1:03:23 Drew And it kind of can be just exactly the distribution he's describing.

1:03:26 Caller My doctor told me it was the same thing.

1:03:29 Caller My doctor told me it was the same thing.

1:03:30 Caller I had impotigo and he said it was ringworm.

1:03:32 Drew It's the same thing. No, it could not be more different. One is a fungus and one's a bacteria.

1:03:37 Guy Blews Drew knows best.

1:03:38 Adam Yeah, touche.

1:03:40 Caller So I have like a bacteria?

1:03:41 Guy Blews Yeah, people who smoke bongs aren't always the cleanest type of people.

1:03:44 Drew You might get some cortisporin or some kind of polysporin, try that. But you should talk to the doctor about it. He really didn't get that treated.

1:03:51 Adam Now, once he gets rid of it, does it reoccur?

1:03:53 Drew No, no, it's the end of it.

1:03:54 Guy Blews Drew, I'm worried about this microphone now. Who was here yesterday?

1:03:58 Drew More than just impotigo on his legs.

1:03:59 Adam It was just the same clown posse making love to it.

1:04:02 Drew Oh yeah. Crapping on it.

1:04:04 Caller You are an asshole.

1:04:05 Guy Blews Where's that plastic bag?

1:04:07 Adam Guy Blews is our guest tonight. We'll take a little break. He's the author of Marriage and How to Avoid It. When we come back, we'll speak to Dana who's 23. She is... You want to talk to her, Drew?

1:04:19 Drew Yeah. Look at the other ones.

1:04:20 Adam All right. Well, we're going to pick the best or the worst when we come back.

1:04:29 Caller So get your problems ready. This is Be Real.

1:04:33 Drew Scan this.

1:04:33 Caller And this is Bobo. From Cypress Hill.

1:04:36 Caller And you're listening to the Love Line.

1:04:38 Caller With Adam Corolla.

1:04:40 Caller And Dr. Drew.

1:04:41 Caller Coming at ya.

1:04:43 Drew How big does Bobo sound during that intro?

1:04:45 Adam That's what happens when your stone takes you 15 minutes to cut a 10 second intro. That was take 126 as I recall. Oh, we love those Cypress Hill guys. I'll tell ya. I really love that Cypress Hill.

1:04:58 Guy Blews Insane in the membrane.

1:05:00 Adam Guy Blews is who's singing away in the background. Marriage and How To Avoid It is the name of the book. You can get that at amazon.com. You can get it at borders.com, right?

1:05:12 Guy Blews Whether you're a true romantic or a hopeless case, this book will leave you with a smile on your face or at least a worried grin.

1:05:19 Adam Well, that's good.

1:05:20 Guy Blews Yeah, baby.

1:05:20 Adam You come up with that in the podcast?

1:05:22 Guy Blews Actually, a friend of mine who's an author did. He wrote a book called The Style Bible or something.

1:05:26 Adam Wow.

1:05:27 Guy Blews And he read my book and he thought it was fantastic. Which is always helpful. And then he wrote a little thing for me at the end.

1:05:34 Adam He had another friend who thought it was just sort of lukewarm so he doesn't talk to him anymore.

1:05:40 Guy Blews And that's not on the back of the book either.

1:05:44 Caller All right.

1:05:45 Adam Let's talk to Tom who's 15. Tom?

1:05:49 Caller Hello?

1:05:50 Adam What's up?

1:05:51 Caller All right. Basically my, well first I just want to say that Adam and Dr. Drew, you guys are great. I like you guys a lot.

1:05:57 Adam Thanks. You're a virgin, right?

1:05:59 Caller Yeah, I am.

1:06:00 Adam Yep. I know the virgin voice and the teenage boys.

1:06:03 Caller And Guy, I have not read your book but I'm sure it's very good.

1:06:09 Guy Blews I think you should read it.

1:06:10 Caller Okay.

1:06:10 Guy Blews It will help you.

1:06:13 Caller My problem is that it's like one of my nipples is like kind of puffy and sensitive and the other one is like totally flat. Like it's like basically like it's just skin. Like you can kind of see a little bump but it's like there's nothing there.

1:06:28 Drew Do you smoke any pot?

1:06:29 Caller No, I don't smoke.

1:06:30 Drew I don't smoke. I'm just checking. This is the normal gynecomastia. It's called a puberty. All right. It happens as a result of sort of hormones produced by the fat cells and by the adrenal glands. Now, you're actually activating some breast development.

1:06:47 Adam You know, I hate to cut you off. I really do. But really this is one of those puberty things. Yes. Like you're saying. And I think I had this when I was 13 or 14 or either that or a friend of mine had it. I can't really remember. But the point is, is it was a little lump under the nipple felt like a couple of raisins under your nipple or one big raisin. But I don't think of that as a kind of clemency. I think the kind of clemency is like the breast, the male breast. Is it any protrusion or anything under there?

1:07:18 Drew Irritation. Sometimes it's just irritation.

1:07:20 Adam Can we call that? Yeah. Okay. Tom?

1:07:24 Caller It just feels like there's a little disc under my nipple.

1:07:28 Drew It's a normal part of your world development.

1:07:30 Caller And the other thing is like I have more hair under my arm with the big nipple and then less hair under my arm with the…

1:07:38 Adam Is that your right side?

1:07:39 Caller Yeah. My right side has more hair and has the big nipple and my left side has less hair and a little nipple.

1:07:46 Guy Blews We're not symmetrical as humans, are we?

1:07:48 Drew No.

1:07:48 Adam You're right handed?

1:07:49 Caller Yes, I am.

1:07:50 Adam Yeah. That's it? Okay.

1:07:53 Guy Blews Yeah.

1:07:55 Adam Alright, Tom. That's fine. All normal. Eventually one of your balls will start hanging lower too. Alright? Don't panic. Alright, buddy. Good times. Yeah. Boy, he sounded like a virgin. We have 15 year olds that sound like Vietnam vets and we have 15 year olds that sound like they just hopped off the cabbage truck in Mayberry. And that was Tom.

1:08:17 Drew Yeah, Opie.

1:08:18 Adam Yeah, Opie.

1:08:19 Guy Blews He's got something to look forward to.

1:08:21 Adam Dana?

1:08:22 Caller Hey.

1:08:22 Adam You're 23. What's up?

1:08:24 Caller Well, my question is a medical one. It's about vaginal bleeding relating to sex. And, you know, I last moved here like six or seven years ago. But every once in a while, I still bleed again and I'm just wondering...

1:08:40 Drew Sex stimulates bleeding often times. Some women, every time they have sex, they bleed.

1:08:44 Caller Wow. Like even a lot?

1:08:47 Adam I don't bleed, but I have a statue of Jesus that bleeds when I have sex.

1:08:52 Drew And cries.

1:08:52 Adam Cries a tear of blood, yes.

1:08:54 Drew Are you on any medication right now? Birth control pill, anything like that?

1:08:57 Caller No.

1:08:58 Drew Okay. All right.

1:09:00 Caller Well... Because last night it was pretty bad and the guy I was with was not real happy about it, so...

1:09:04 Drew What do you mean not happy?

1:09:05 Caller Well, he was like... He was going to stop and he thought it was my turn of the month and I just tried to explain that I wasn't and... I don't think he believed me, so...

1:09:17 Guy Blews Some guys don't like hurting girls.

1:09:19 Adam Yeah, maybe. Yeah, I can understand, you know, blood coming from that area freaks a guy out.

1:09:25 Guy Blews He doesn't want to hurt you, does he?

1:09:27 Adam Is he your boyfriend?

1:09:29 Caller Kind of.

1:09:30 Drew No.

1:09:32 Adam He's just some guy's... What would he say? No. What's up? Why are you hanging with this guy?

1:09:40 Caller Well, because he's got this dimple.

1:09:43 Drew Oh, please.

1:09:44 Guy Blews Where's the dimple?

1:09:46 Caller On his right cheek.

1:09:49 Drew Now, why are you with this guy?

1:09:50 Adam What is up with this guy?

1:09:51 Caller He's just so cute.

1:09:53 Adam Yeah, but he's not into you.

1:09:55 Caller Well, I don't know. I mean, it's not even about that.

1:09:59 Drew Why would you be with a guy that doesn't reciprocate? Doesn't care?

1:10:03 Caller Well, it's not that he doesn't care. I mean, it was just kind of, you know, I don't know.

1:10:08 Guy Blews But surely he does care by stopping because he didn't want to hurt her anymore.

1:10:11 Drew No, no.

1:10:11 Caller He thought he was going to get something.

1:10:12 Guy Blews Ew, yuck! Ugh, I'm out of here.

1:10:14 Caller Well, after that we took a shower together. I wasn't like, you know, he just took off and left.

1:10:18 Guy Blews Was he concerned for you?

1:10:20 Caller Yeah.

1:10:20 Adam How long have you been hanging around with this guy?

1:10:23 Caller A couple days.

1:10:25 Adam Just a couple days?

1:10:26 Caller Yeah.

1:10:26 Adam All right. Well, maybe he's into you.

1:10:28 Caller I think maybe.

1:10:29 Adam All right, baby.

1:10:31 Caller But, so it's not something I'd like me to have checked out by a doctor.

1:10:34 Drew Well, you should be getting regular pap smears, aren't you? Yeah. When was your last one?

1:10:40 Caller A little bit longer ago than it should have been, like a year and a half.

1:10:43 Drew All right. So let's get it and get it taken care of, all right?

1:10:45 Caller Yeah.

1:10:45 Drew All right.

1:10:46 Adam All right, baby.

1:10:47 Caller Okay, thanks.

1:10:48 Drew Because it can be something that needs to be taken care of. I mean, it just means the line of the uterus is unstable and cyst, endometriosis, other things, even cervical pathology, cervical problems can do it.

1:10:57 Adam Nick? Nick?

1:11:00 Yeah, I'm here.

1:11:01 Adam You're 19.

1:11:02 Caller Yeah, I am. I am and I've got something weird.

1:11:05 Caller No kidding.

1:11:06 Adam Yeah. What's up?

1:11:08 Caller Well, see, I'll be, you know, I'll be having sex with my girlfriend and she'll just like pass out, like, you know, flat, cold.

1:11:17 Caller Right.

1:11:17 Caller Just, and I don't know...

1:11:19 Adam You're so good...

1:11:20 Caller .whether or not she's joking around or because she'll kind of, afterwards she'll kind of stir, you know, muster or whatever and then she kind of, you know, comes to and she seems to have no recollection of of the anal sex you perpetrated on her while she was passed out. Or whatever.

1:11:41 Drew And you just keep going while she's passed out?

1:11:43 Caller No, no, no. I mean, obviously, I mean, it's like, it's like, you know, like a cadaver or something. I'm disgusted.

1:11:51 Adam Okay, so you stop and you try to bring her around?

1:11:55 Caller Um, well, yeah, or, you know, like, dude, you know, I just kind of wiggle her arms a little bit and...

1:12:01 Adam She comes back.

1:12:03 Drew What would her motivation be in faking this?

1:12:07 Caller I have no idea.

1:12:08 Drew Why would that be a faking? How could it be a faking?

1:12:11 Caller What kind of a syndrome would... I mean, she doesn't have any health problems.

1:12:14 Drew Well, how do you know? Has she been evaluated for this problem?

1:12:17 Caller Uh, I mean, I... I ask her what's wrong and she says nothing.

1:12:23 Drew Well, there's something wrong. She's passing out during sex.

1:12:26 Adam Well, she could be faking it, Drew.

1:12:27 Guy Blews But she doesn't know she's passing out, so she doesn't know she's got something wrong with her.

1:12:30 Drew Does she even know she's passing out?

1:12:33 Caller Um, she claims not to. She claims that she...

1:12:37 Adam Hold on a second. I gotta talk about you behind your back. Nick has an interesting way of sort of presenting things.

1:12:43 Drew Not answering questions.

1:12:44 Adam she claims not to.

1:12:46 Drew Yeah.

1:12:48 Adam she could be faking it.

1:12:49 Drew Yeah.

1:12:50 Guy Blews Do you think he has trust issues?

1:12:52 Adam There's something going on with Nick.

1:12:54 Guy Blews There's doubt in the relationship.

1:12:55 Adam I wonder if... I wonder if he's trying to put his conciousities for going a few more strokes while she was down. And saying she claims and she doesn't or whatever. But whatever it is...

1:13:06 Drew Or that he keeps doing this to her and keeps making her pass out and not doing anything about it.

1:13:08 Adam I mean, it could be just the words he chooses, but it's a little... it's a little confusing. Nick?

1:13:14 Caller Sometimes...

1:13:15 Adam Nick?...

1:13:16 Caller when I masturbate.

1:13:17 Adam Oh. Is that Nick? Yeah. I'm not done with him. Nick?

1:13:21 Caller Yes.

1:13:22 Adam Yes, that's better.

1:13:23 Caller It is me.

1:13:24 Guy Blews The real man's back.

1:13:25 Caller Now listen. Okay. Sometimes when I masturbate afterwards... Listen. This isn't funny anymore.

1:13:32 Adam I'm listening, Nick. I'm all ears. I'm all ears.

1:13:35 Caller Sometimes when I masturbate afterwards...

1:13:37 Adam Yeah?

1:13:38 Caller I like to toast a bagel with strawberry cream cheese and I just sit out in the sun and slowly eat the bagel and it just tastes so good. Do you know what I mean, Adam?

1:13:54 Adam I'm with you.

1:13:54 Caller Strawberry bagels are like so...

1:13:58 Adam Well, hold on, Nick. Do you put strawberries on the bagel or is it a strawberry bagel?

1:14:02 Caller Well, I just, it's like strawberry bagels because it has strawberry cream cheese.

1:14:06 Adam Ah, I see. So, the plain bagel, water bagel?

1:14:08 Caller Well, I like to eat it like egg bagels. Egg bagels are good.

1:14:12 Adam Egg bagel.

1:14:13 Caller With strawberry cream cheese.

1:14:14 Adam Nice.

1:14:15 Caller Okay. And toasted just to a golden brown and I sit out in the sun and I just, for a moment, just kind of take in the bagel. Do you know what I mean?

1:14:25 Adam Yeah. No.

1:14:26 Caller I take in the life and I take in the sun and I take in the sunlight at the same time.

1:14:30 Adam Okay.

1:14:31 Caller And at that moment, bliss. Good, buddy. Utter bliss.

1:14:36 Adam Okay.

1:14:36 Guy Blews So she didn't wake up the last time she went numb.

1:14:40 Drew Are you done with him now?

1:14:41 Adam Yeah, I'm done. I'm going to burn himself out a little.

1:14:44 Guy Blews That is good, buddy.

1:14:45 Drew I was talking to the air, blanks blank air.

1:14:50 Adam T, that may have sound like the insane ramblings of a madman, TU. But to me, that made a lot of sense. I've never tried strawberry cream cheese before on a bagel.

1:15:03 Guy Blews In the sunlight.

1:15:03 Adam Yeah, it sounds good.

1:15:05 Guy Blews My girlfriend's numbed out. Yeah.

1:15:07 Caller Yeah, I'm here. Listen, you know what? It's all a big joke. I love you guys so much. I was sitting here and I'm by myself. I'm in my apartment by myself. And I just had to. I had to vent.

1:15:20 Adam All right, buddy.

1:15:21 Caller I had to vent.

1:15:21 Adam I appreciate it.

1:15:22 Guy Blews Loveliness.

1:15:24 Adam He vented.

1:15:24 Guy Blews Yeah.

1:15:25 Adam And by the way, here's the deal. When you say I had to vent on the third repetition of I had to vent, that's when I cut you off because I figured you've done your venting. You know what I mean? You can only talk about venting for so long. So, Erica?

1:15:39 Caller Uh-huh.

1:15:40 Adam You're 16?

1:15:41 Caller Yeah. What's up? I was wondering if I could lose my virginity by dry sex.

1:15:46 Adam Dry sex?

1:15:47 Caller Yeah. I know it's kind of stupid, but...

1:15:49 Adam You mean like dry humping?

1:15:51 Drew Yeah.

1:15:52 Caller Like, yeah. Rubbing each other with clothes on.

1:15:54 Drew How would that lose your virginity?

1:15:55 Caller I don't know because it hurt. I don't know.

1:15:58 Adam Yeah. Listen, you step on a carpet tack, it hurts too. Does it mean it popped your cherry?

1:16:04 Drew What does lose your virginity mean?

1:16:05 Adam Well, it's got to hurt.

1:16:06 Drew No, what does that mean?

1:16:08 Caller I don't know.

1:16:09 Drew No kidding.

1:16:11 Caller I do know, but I don't know how to explain it.

1:16:13 Drew Penis goes in your vagina.

1:16:15 Caller Yeah. It is.

1:16:16 Drew Did the penis go in your vagina?

1:16:18 Caller Yeah. No, but no.

1:16:19 Drew All right. Now, Adam happens to believe that there should be other planes that should they be broken, virginity should be in question as well.

1:16:27 Adam Yeah. Rectal plane, earlobe, even mouth obviously.

1:16:33 Guy Blews Nostril.

1:16:34 Adam Even sometimes when you take your thumb and your forefinger and you put them together, you make that OK sign, you break that plane with the penis, that would be partial.

1:16:42 Guy Blews He's doing the visual, ladies and gentlemen.

1:16:43 Adam There's an invisible hymen that is created between the thumb and forefinger when you do the OK sign and is pierced by a penis.

1:16:49 Drew Yeah, the hymen, really, the hymen really is a...

1:16:52 Adam It's a symbolic floating membrane that can appear almost anywhere in a woman.

1:16:57 Drew The actual membrane needn't be there.

1:16:59 Adam Yeah.

1:17:00 Drew Yeah, it's a force field.

1:17:01 Adam When you yawn, there's a hymen between your upper and lower jaw.

1:17:04 Drew Yes. Cross your lips, straight across.

1:17:09 Guy Blews Do you want to lose your virginity?

1:17:10 Drew It's a spiritual hymen, yeah, spiritual plant.

1:17:13 Adam Erica, yeah.

1:17:14 Guy Blews Do you want to lose your virginity?

1:17:15 Adam Huh?

1:17:16 Guy Blews Do you want to lose your virginity?

1:17:17 Caller No, not yet.

1:17:18 Guy Blews So then it's intact if you want it to be. What? It's intact. Your virginity is intact if you want it to be and if you want to say you've lost it, then you've lost it.

1:17:26 Caller You think so?

1:17:27 Guy Blews Yeah, it's up to you. That's what we're just saying to you. It's up to you.

1:17:31 Adam All right.

1:17:31 Caller Do you think I am though?

1:17:33 Guy Blews Yes, you are.

1:17:33 Adam You're still a virgin.

1:17:34 Drew Did the penis go in your vagina?

1:17:36 Caller No.

1:17:36 Drew Okay.

1:17:37 Caller It basically got belted.

1:17:39 Drew In your vagina?

1:17:39 Caller Yeah.

1:17:40 Adam Well, were there pants?

1:17:41 Caller Yeah, there were pants. We had our clothes on.

1:17:44 Adam Okay, you're still good, but man, you're on the verge, baby. How old is this guy?

1:17:49 Caller He's 16 too.

1:17:50 Adam Okay.

1:17:51 Caller All right.

1:17:52 Guy Blews Well, you're home free.

1:17:53 Adam Keep it going slow. I love you, Adam. I love you, but listen. She hang up? No, listen. When you have sex, you...

1:18:00 Drew You think of Adam.

1:18:01 Adam Think of me, like I do when I have sex, and don't be caught by surprise. You will get pregnant. Do you hear me? Plan on it. Get some birth control. Take it nice and slow. Okay. All right, baby. Good times. Bye-bye.

1:18:18 Drew Strawberry cream cheese and bagels, right?

1:18:20 Adam That's right.

1:18:21 Drew The theme we're learning tonight.

1:18:22 Caller That's...

1:18:24 Adam Boy, all of a sudden, I'm jonesing pretty bad.

1:18:27 Drew For bagels?

1:18:28 Adam Yeah.

1:18:29 Drew Yeah.

1:18:30 Adam It's a nice item, that bagel. Toasted, golden. He said it was golden. Was it native to the egg bagel?

1:18:34 Guy Blews He could bring them for us. Maybe.

1:18:36 Adam Yeah.

1:18:36 Drew He's kind of a barber.

1:18:37 Adam I really like to meet that gent.

1:18:38 Guy Blews He probably would bring them.

1:18:40 Adam John?

1:18:41 Caller Hey, guys. What's happening?

1:18:42 Adam Hey, you're 25. What's up?

1:18:44 Caller Listen, Adam, I got kind of a regional question I need you to answer. I live right by where the Mancho Tapes and Santa Monica La Brea right there.

1:18:52 Adam Right.

1:18:53 Caller What the F is up with Santa Monica Boulevard? What is with that construction? Is that ever going to end?

1:18:58 Drew It's been going on for six years.

1:19:00 Caller Who cares?

1:19:02 Adam Let me explain what's going on with Santa Monica Boulevard.

1:19:05 Caller You're driving me nuts.

1:19:06 Adam Santa Monica Boulevard is the stretch in West LA that is gay town, that is boy's town. And somebody said to me the other day, why is this certain stretch? Now Santa Monica runs from practically downtown or Silver Lake or something all the way down to the ocean. But okay. So Santa Monica runs 28 miles. How come it's that one mile and the third right in the center of boy's town that is constantly under construction? Do you know why? Gays. And let me explain why. Just like that is their living room. Gays cannot stop rearranging furniture. They cannot stop decorating. You cannot stop. You see a straight guy, straight guy have the same set of curtains in his bachelor pad for 150 years. Right? Not touch a thing. Gay guy, he'd get vertical blinds. He'd get horizontal blinds. Everything's changing all the time. Now picture 10,000 gays, all supervising one stretch of highway. That is their living room and it never stops changing. It is always under construction.

1:20:16 Drew That's true of a certain segment of that, but there's a preceding segment just after Hollywood Center Studios.

1:20:21 Adam That's gay runoff.

1:20:23 Drew Goes by Fairfax and the Jewish Cemetery.

1:20:25 Adam Well the Jews do a lot of moving around too, but no, that's still the gays.

1:20:30 Drew Takes time.

1:20:31 Adam Now that's gay there. You cross Fairfax, you're in a boy's town.

1:20:36 Guy Blews Also with the whole gay thing, there's the construction workers with no tops on, and they're generally men.

1:20:40 Adam Oh, it's great. They've got the village people out there redecorating our big collective living room.

1:20:46 Caller Is that really what's going on?

1:20:47 Adam That's what's going on.

1:20:48 Caller There's some logic behind it.

1:20:49 Adam Listen, this is why I love the gays. Now they're horrible from a traffic standpoint, because they're basically torturing all the straight guys who are trying to get to the beach, because we can't drive through the gay town without getting backed up. But the gay, look at the gay community. They recycle, they keep up, they paint, they restore, not a brick out of place, no litter on the sidewalk. These people, it looks like Disneyland, Sodom and Gomorrah, but Disneyland, over that one stretch of area, aesthetically. That's what it is. It's the gays, very powerful lobbying community over there, and it's always on the chain.

1:21:32 Guy Blews It's gay pride.

1:21:32 Adam It will never be done. Never, never be done.

1:21:37 Caller Hey, can I ask my question real quick?

1:21:39 Drew Yes, please.

1:21:40 Caller You know, 90% of the people that call in the show, the answer that you guys always give is, you know, therapy, therapy, therapy. I guess I had a couple of questions about that. A, what, I imagine that if you did go to therapy, it would kind of be a lot like the advice that you guys give. I mean, really completely different and not similar.

1:21:57 Drew It's not about advice. It's just sitting there having feelings in the presence of another person.

1:22:01 Caller Okay. And, you know, because I have a lot of friends, I have one friend, for instance, who really has some anger issues towards women because of his mom and things like that. And, you know, he's open to get therapy, but somewhere like LA., where do you go to do that if you don't really have the money to go and throw down for a therapist? I mean, besides county.

1:22:21 Drew You know, you go to the Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena. They have a school of psychology.

1:22:25 Caller What's that called again?

1:22:26 Drew Fuller Theological Seminary. And there's a school in Westwood, too, I believe. And there's several psychoanalytic institutes around town. They might have cut rate.

1:22:36 Adam Right. But don't drive down Santa Monica to get there.

1:22:40 Caller I will not.

1:22:40 Adam You'll land in a huge pothole.

1:22:42 Caller Hey, happy birthday this month, Adam.

1:22:44 Adam Well, thank you, John.

1:22:45 Caller Yeah, no problem.

1:22:46 Adam Take care of yourself.

1:22:46 Caller All right, buddy.

1:22:47 Adam All right. Now, listen, that was not a tack on the gays. I have said many a time, if everyone in this community was gay, we'd be living in a utopia.

1:22:55 Drew And that you wish to be gay.

1:22:56 Adam And that I wish I was gay myself, that I could join my gay brethren. You know, there's a couple of white guys that fancy themselves Indians. You know, those cooks, guys wearing the boulder of turquoise on his thing. He's usually got the bolo tie.

1:23:12 Drew He's wearing the scorpion. Wearing the boots. Set in acrylic.

1:23:16 Adam Yeah, he's one thirty second era coin. That's what gives him his tenacity, you know, that asshole.

1:23:21 Drew Yeah, his hair is long. That's how I am with the gays.

1:23:24 Adam I wish I was gay. I've said it many times. I'd get myself a nice business over there, maybe a hot dog on a stick. I'd move right down the middle of that gay stretch of highway and I'd just go to work on it. More rearranging, more beautifying, more decorating. It never ends and it never will, believe you and me. All right, we will take ourselves a little break. Guy Blews our guest tonight and we'll be back after this.

1:23:53 Caller Hello? Is this Loveline? Call 1-800-LOVE-ONE-DOWN-NEAR. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

1:24:00 Caller Yep, Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla.

1:24:03 Adam Dr. Drew is over there. Phone number. Oh, forget about that. It's Thursday. We don't want your calls. We're going to be going home, having a nice long weekend.

1:24:12 Drew We've got to talk tonight, though. My phone screwed up last night. I couldn't get you back.

1:24:15 Adam Guy Blews our guest tonight. He is the author of Marriage and How to Avoid It. You can find this wherever you find books at the bookstore, on Amazon, borders.com, so computer, or if you want to do it the old-fashioned way.

1:24:29 Guy Blews Teddy Friends.

1:24:30 Adam Yep, just like the old days when I used to, wait a minute, I've never bought a book.

1:24:35 Guy Blews Oh, really?

1:24:35 Caller You've never bought a book?

1:24:38 Drew I buy like two books a week.

1:24:39 Adam Really? What do you do with them? I read them. Really? I thought you didn't have any time.

1:24:46 Drew Planes.

1:24:47 Adam You read in the planes.

1:24:47 Drew Like insane, yeah.

1:24:49 Adam You know, you ought to have a plane installed in your living room so you could just buckle in and get something done.

1:24:55 Drew Oh, yes.

1:24:56 Guy Blews You could read my book again and again and again until it irritates you.

1:25:01 Adam Okay, I like flying. The part I like about flying are the warm nuts that come in that cup and the Bloody Marys, the endless bottomless Bloody Marys.

1:25:11 Drew I've noticed that you enjoy those.

1:25:12 Adam Yeah, I could go for that. But sometimes I don't like going to the airport or even going out of town. But having a fuselage installed in the house.

1:25:21 Drew Could work for you, huh?

1:25:21 Adam Buckle in.

1:25:22 Drew You'd need a flight attendant.

1:25:24 Adam Well, go down to West LA where they're doing the remod, get one of my gay partners.

1:25:28 Guy Blews You could name the plane whatever name you wanted.

1:25:30 Adam That's right.

1:25:31 Guy Blews What would your airline be called? Oh, and Virgin's Taken.

1:25:36 Adam I'd call it Super On Time Airlines. And then argue with everyone. It was just a title. I think they had that trouble with the quarter pounder at a certain point. Jay?

1:25:49 Caller Yeah, that's me.

1:25:50 Adam Year 27. What's happening?

1:25:52 Caller I got a question for Guy, but the first thing I want to know is what's up with some of the people who call you don't make sense. Like a girl that was complaining about anal sex hurting, I don't get it. I would figure that it would.

1:26:04 Adam Well, there are a lot of dumb people in the world and most of them call this show.

1:26:10 Caller You know, I'm really glad that hopefully I'm not one of them and hopefully you aren't making fun of me as soon as you get off the phone.

1:26:14 Adam Well, that'll be for us to determine.

1:26:17 Caller Go ahead, Jay.

1:26:17 Guy Blews You're my friend, Jay. You're my friend.

1:26:19 Caller Right. Hey, Guy.

1:26:20 Guy Blews Yes, sir?

1:26:21 Caller You wrote a book about how to avoid marriage.

1:26:24 Guy Blews Yep, marriage and how to avoid it.

1:26:25 Caller Right on. I really am in love with a girl. I've been with her for about four or five years. Everything's good, but obviously we're engaged and everything's going towards the marriage thing. But I just, I don't know anyone who has a marriage that has worked. I don't have any role models when it comes to a marriage that's been functional. So I don't want to get married.

1:26:51 Drew So you're afraid of marriage?

1:26:53 Caller Well, I'm not really afraid of marriage. I just have the feeling that why waste money on a marriage when you're going to have to waste money on a divorce afterwards?

1:27:00 Guy Blews Yeah, I mean the divorce rate's high. I think marriage does work for some people, but I think if you have any doubt at all, then you're wise to hold off. Maybe if you're with her for another five years, you might change your mind, you might come to a stage where it's different for you. But right now, if you've got doubt, you're building your whole relationship on an insecurity. If you really, really love her, trust her and believe in her, and she trusts and believes in you, you don't need the marriage to keep you together. So you could be together in ten years.

1:27:24 Drew Guy's make an interesting point, that you stay together long enough until you really don't have the energy to screw around. To screw around, yeah.

1:27:30 Guy Blews Or you've realized that you've both changed enough and you can walk away without having to go through a divorce, which is obviously the thing nobody wants to go through. Well, let me, let me.

1:27:36 Caller It's not even the screw around. Screwing around, I've honestly, I've never cheated on anyone in my entire life. I'm 27 and I've been around a little bit. I just, I honestly and truly don't think that it's possible to be, I think, I think marriage is a very, very outdated thing.

1:27:53 Drew You don't think it's possible to what?

1:27:54 Caller I don't think it's possible to stay with someone and stay happy 100% for the rest of my life.

1:27:59 Guy Blews Nothing in life is 100% and that's why marriage is ultimately flawed. For some people it's not flawed but ultimately life changes too much. Every 10 years you're a totally different person to the person you were 10 years ago. So you've got to expect your partner or hope that your partner is going to change at the same time as you and that is a virtual impossibility. If you're going to get married you've got to do it properly or don't do it at all. But if you've got any doubt then you're building your relationship on insecurity and you should wait or just not do it.

1:28:23 Drew How do you feel about arranged marriages?

1:28:25 Caller You know what?

1:28:26 Drew No, not you Jay.

1:28:27 Adam Jay, did you write a book on arranged marriages? Go ahead.

1:28:32 Caller From what I understand about arranged marriages they work out a hell of a lot better than what we do.

1:28:37 Adam And we know that because of how attraction works. Oftentimes someone whose father was an alcoholic will be attracted to an alcoholic and then all hell breaks loose. But I was thinking about something while Guy was talking, which was, you know, people go into a marriage or contemplate marriage. I've been guilty of this myself saying, what are the chances this thing's going to go 40 years? For Christ's sake, the odds are stacked against us. My parents have been divorced for 30 years now, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But in life, what do you enter? What job do you enter? What car do you buy? What country do you move to? What do you do where you put those kinds of expectations on whatever it is?

1:29:19 Guy Blews But what do you do that puts that pressure on you? When you buy a car, you don't expect to have it forever.

1:29:23 Adam But I'm saying maybe as a society, we should look at marriage a little bit differently, which is if you were planning on taking a job and someone said, hey, this is going to be 30 years or it's going to be nothing. And if it doesn't work, it's going to cost you a lot. And it's going to be humiliating. And it's going to be disgraceful. And your employees are going to be upset, blah, blah. You wouldn't take any job. I mean, what if you just said, hey, this job seems like a good job. It feels right for where I'm at now. And I'm going to work hard to be a good employee. And if six years down the road, the wheels come off the wagon or whatever happens, okay, it happened.

1:30:01 Guy Blews Yeah, look back and say, I had a great job. And when, if your relationship ends, you go, I had a great relationship. I felt a lot of love, a lot of affection, things that I wouldn't have felt otherwise. And be grateful for it rather than being bitter and twisted. We get so bitter and twisted about it.

1:30:13 Adam I'm arguing against you in a sense and saying, what's wrong with a guy like Jay over here? He's been with a woman for four or five years. They're thinking about marriage. All right, so he gets married. And he says, I'll take it day by day. And if the wheels come off the wagon in 10 years, they come off the wagon.

1:30:29 Guy Blews Divorce is so painful. Cause you make a promise to yourself and then you fail. And that's where the pain comes in.

1:30:34 Adam Is it painful if A, over 50% of people are willing to go through it? And B, it is almost commonplace. I mean, and you're ready to get divorced.

1:30:46 Drew We really need a woman's point of view in this. We really do.

1:30:48 Adam Well, Drew, that's your job. Drew, it's the bit. I mean, the girl, sorry.

1:30:53 Drew Because there's a, many people want something permanent. That's what they want. That's what they consider family.

1:30:59 Guy Blews Yeah, but that's because we're brought up that way. Society teaches us that this is the way it should be. I know what society is telling me. I don't have a role model. Life is difficult. And I don't know how I'm going to stick it out for 50 years.

1:31:10 Drew I understand.

1:31:11 Guy Blews I agree with you.

1:31:12 Drew But there is value in permanence, too. And maybe the important thing is that there should be choice.

1:31:19 Guy Blews You can have permanence. The funny thing is, you're often with your best friend. You don't sit there going, you'll be my best friend in 25 years. You'll be my best friend in 30 years. But you turn around 25 years later and they've been your best friend for 25 years. But when you meet someone and they're a cool guy or whatever, and you say, OK, we'll be able to hang out in five weeks, they're like, you're freaky. You're pinning me down. I feel caged.

1:31:38 Adam That's my point. And I think you're making an argument possibly to get married and just say, if you're my best friend, thanks Adam, buy the book anyway. We'll be back. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, guy blue. Everybody. Marriage and How to Avoid It is the name of his book everywhere. All the Amazons, all the bookstores, all the places you normally find books, and that is the show. Thanks, Guy.

1:32:18 Guy Blews Thank you very much for having me, guys. I've had a great time, and I love listening to your show as much as I've loved being on it.

1:32:23 Adam Wow, that was nice. Thank you. I want to thank Lauren for doing a great job on the phones all week. I want to thank our new phone screener, Damien, for doing a bang-up job. New Broom Sweeps Clean, as we like to say here. The Attitude will start next week. And producer Anne for putting her feminine stink all over the show. And of course, the Swami Anderson, who without him feeding me erroneous knowledge through my headphones, I would not look like half the ass that I am on the air. So until next time.

1:32:53 Caller You are an asshole.

1:32:55 Adam This is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:32:59 Caller Goodbye.

1:33:01 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, May 3, 2001