Episode 1000754886998

6:19 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

6:25 Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

6:27 Voiceover Love Line, Coast to Coast.

6:30 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that's Dr. Drew, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. All right, go tell Clive Barker, he's got to come in in the second break now. Those idiots stopped him outside. Oh, jeez, I'll tell you, this show, there's not just an ounce of professionalism in this whole goddamn show, but here he is now. All right, too late, come on in, Clive. Clive Barker, everybody.

6:59 Drew Hello.

7:00 Adam Clive, of course, the maker of Candyman and Hellraiser and all those horribly disturbing movies. And Clive is now, has himself a new line of action figures called Tortured Souls.

7:16 Drew Absolutely.

7:18 Adam Clive, we haven't seen you in a while.

7:19 Drew No, I see you all the time, you're on television smiling away. And the last time I was here, you were talking about doing the TV show.

7:28 Clive Barker Oh, God.

7:29 Drew Look at these things. There you go. So I'm going to sign these a meltdown on Saturday, so I want everybody to be there.

7:37 Clive Barker Oh, my God.

7:38 Drew Aren't they intense?

7:39 Adam They are intense.

7:40 Drew What's great is I am getting the complete unsensitive response here.

7:45 Adam Yeah, this is crazy. Drew, why don't you give these to your kids and give them a gift certificate to therapy, too.

7:52 Drew No, no, no, these go to the adult market.

7:56 Clive Barker Well, this one could go. This is fine.

7:58 Adam These are, this is really.

8:00 Drew Yeah, I guess it's okay. But no, they're the intense, they're pretty intense toys.

8:05 Adam This is as graphic a figurine I've ever seen in my life. Is it not?

8:10 Drew Yeah.

8:11 Adam Guts hanging out.

8:12 Drew Is that Talisac? Yeah. Well, he has a little baby in his belly. Do you see that?

8:16 Adam Oh, really? Yeah.

8:17 Drew Yeah.

8:17 Adam Well, it's more of a spawn.

8:18 Drew Well, it is a spawn. You know, my partner in crime on this is-

8:25 Adam McFarlane?

8:25 Drew Todd McFarlane, of course, who made spawn. So these are all Todd. Todd and I work together. There you go. A little round of applause for Todd. Wow.

8:34 Adam And Drew took one look at this one and he says, this is the spawn of gay men. This huge teeth in the crotch symbolizing the vagina. There's a lot of-

8:46 Drew Vagina dentate.

8:47 Adam A lot of symbolism here.

8:48 Clive Barker What did I say?

8:49 Drew I said vagina dentate.

8:50 Clive Barker That's what I thought.

8:51 Adam Well, hold on. Wait a second. Drew, you did not read that?

8:54 Clive Barker No.

8:55 Adam What is this one called?

8:57 Drew It's called Mongroid.

8:58 Adam Okay, good. Because if it's called vagina dentate, I would have gone insane. No, no, no.

9:03 Clive Barker I said that.

9:05 Drew We agree. It's got a certain- I think anything that has an imaginative element has got some kind of subtext to it.

9:14 Clive Barker Yes.

9:14 Adam Oh, yes.

9:15 Drew Right? Yes.

9:17 Adam This ain't really a subtext.

9:18 Drew No, this is more like text. This is text.

9:20 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

9:22 Drew These are the most intense. I promise what I would do if I was going to go into the idea of figurines, I would make the most intense figurines I could make.

9:29 Clive Barker You did it.

9:30 Adam How big?

9:31 Clive Barker You did it.

9:32 Drew I can't believe the expression on-

9:35 Clive Barker I didn't know they could do this with- You know what I mean? I figured that you need some special effects team to create one of these. It would cost $100,000 and that would be the one they'd use to make the film with.

9:45 Drew You are a god. Thank you for saying that.

9:47 Adam Well, yeah. They really do look magnificent.

9:49 Drew The great thing is these were 11 bucks a piece.

9:51 Adam Wow.

9:52 Drew So all six of them and then I've written-

9:54 Clive Barker So you can make your own films.

9:56 Drew Yeah. That's the idea. Then I've written a story, a six-part story, which goes into- So each character gets a story to go with them. Then if you collect all six, you get this huge Clive Barker piece of fiction.

10:10 Adam Wow. Yeah. They really are dramatic and spectacular looking. Thank you. I've never seen such details, such attention to detail.

10:17 Clive Barker This is him in his full form, with hanging by the hooks into his eyes and cheeks, with the IV poles hanging in the blood.

10:25 Adam Let me say this about Clive's figurines. Most of the figurines, now see, these ones come in a clear package.

10:32 Drew Yeah.

10:32 Adam I'm holding it up to the radio, but these come in a clear package, and most of these figurines come in a cardboard package with a picture of what the figurine would look like if you were really high.

10:43 Clive Barker Right.

10:44 Adam And then you pull it out of the box, and it looks nothing like the picture. Right. But it's sort of like, you know the picture of Superman on the front of the comic book, and then the guy who shows up at your kid's party with the spare tire around his gut holding a beer, hair falling out? That's what they're normally like, but this is in a clear package because clearly they have nothing to hide. This is really dramatic.

11:08 Clive Barker See this thing stretched out here down the bottom?

11:09 Adam Yeah.

11:10 Clive Barker Yeah, that's his face that he's taken off.

11:13 Adam Oh, I see.

11:14 Clive Barker And he's going to stretch it on this apparatus here.

11:17 Drew I'm just taking incredible pleasure in watching you two respond to all of this stuff.

11:22 Adam Well, it really is. It's the only way we do things here on Loveline, which is these were all pulled out. We didn't examine them and work up a story.

11:30 Drew No, I wanted to surprise you.

11:32 Adam Certainly did.

11:33 Clive Barker I had to sat down before I started yanking these things. I was like, what the hell is this?

11:37 Drew You know what's weird? They're like candies. They're like these strange candies. They're beautifully detailed and they are beautiful things. I mean, the craftsmanship that goes into them is something else.

11:52 Adam Vagina Ventata over here.

11:54 Drew Dentata.

11:54 Adam Dentata. Sorry, Scott.

11:55 Drew It's got three. Is it Dentata or Dentate?

11:59 Clive Barker I would swear. I thought it was Dentata.

12:01 Adam Listen, our stone listeners don't even know what we're talking about. But the teeth in the male vagina here are three deep.

12:08 Drew Yeah. When they're like shark's teeth, they regrow, you know.

12:11 Adam Well, so let's talk about the process of doing one of these things. Obviously, one has to be sculpted.

12:19 Drew Yeah.

12:20 Clive Barker And high.

12:22 Clive Barker No. No. No.

12:24 Adam One has to make a prototype.

12:26 Drew I do drawings. They do drawings. We exchange drawings. I say to Todd, look, this is the kind of thing we're looking to try and do. Here's a here's a story. Right. For me, story is always connected with doing anything. And so I said, I want to do, I want to do stuff that nobody's ever done before. I genuinely want to make a benchmark. Right. So these things are utterly unlike anything anybody's done before. I hear, hear.

12:58 Adam And I'm guessing that there's some sort of technology that is fairly new that is able to do this kind of detailed work.

13:06 Drew You're right. The technology is coming on by leaps and bounds. And what they do is they do incredibly detail. Actually, if you go to spawn.com, which is Todd's website, you can actually see they have a whole thing going on about, about how these things were sculpted. And then what they do is they reduce them in size. So you actually end up with an incredibly detailed sculpt on a much smaller figure.

13:33 Adam Right. And they're able to pull that out.

13:35 Drew And they're able to, and, and, you know, the technology is such now. I don't even think the Mongroid is the best of them. I think there's a lady called Lucidique.

13:44 Adam Is that in there?

13:45 Drew Yeah, they're all in there.

13:46 Adam Now, where will these things be available?

13:49 Drew Well, right now, there's only one place in the whole world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Only one place in the entire world where you will be able to get them, and that is Meltdown on, on Sunset. On Saturday, which is where I'm going to sign. Right. But thereafter, they will be available at independent stores, and they won't be in Kmart.

14:15 Right.

14:17 Adam Obviously not.

14:17 Drew I think she's pretty cool actually.

14:19 Adam Yeah.

14:19 Drew She's pretty cool.

14:20 Adam Crazy detail.

14:22 Drew But Meltdown have been very supportive to the whole venture, and so we are going to have a mega signing when I will sign all that is available in the country right now, which is a limited number.

14:35 Adam Now, where is Meltdown?

14:37 Drew Sunset? Yeah. You guys, you should have a-

14:41 Adam Yeah. Well, I'll have it.

14:42 Drew I'll plug it.

14:43 Adam Oh, here we go. Yes.

14:44 Clive Barker 7522 Sunset Boulevard.

14:46 Drew There you go. Is there a telephone number for them?

14:48 Clive Barker 323-851-7223.

14:52 Adam That's Meltdown Sunset, and that's at three o'clock, and Clive will be down there. Yeah, and you can get your sign.

15:00 Drew And I will sign a couple of other things as well, but people have got to come in and want you to buy the toys. That's the key thing we're going for here. I don't even want to call them toys. They're something.

15:09 Adam No.

15:10 Clive Barker Sculptures.

15:10 Drew Sculptures, aren't they?

15:12 Adam Yeah.

15:12 Drew They're almost like little pieces of art.

15:14 Adam And it's nice to see you back to your roots here, Clive.

15:18 You know, that's true.

15:19 Adam Last time we talked, you were writing a novel about a gay gnome, and I said, no, don't bother with that.

15:24 Drew Don't be so rude.

15:26 Adam I can't remember the name of it. That's all I seem to remember.

15:28 Drew It wasn't a gay gnome.

15:29 Adam It was. It was.

15:30 Drew I've never written about a gay gnome in my life.

15:33 Adam I remember it was a little elf who was gay and he was out slaying something.

15:37 Drew I think this may be your own private fantasy.

15:39 Adam Really? Didn't we have this discussion?

15:41 Clive Barker I have no recollection of this.

15:42 Drew Oh, Drew, don't leave me hanging.

15:44 Clive Barker No, I swear to God, I have no recollection of this.

15:45 Drew I think the whole gay gnome thing is happening in your head. Clive, seriously.

15:49 Adam Clive, seriously.

15:50 Drew And I think you should talk to a therapist about it immediately.

15:52 Clive Barker You're that or?

15:53 Adam You're actually right.

15:54 Drew No, I wrote a movie about it and call it Shrek.

15:57 Adam No, what was that?

15:58 Drew What was that? I wrote a gay novel called Sacrament, but there were no gnomes in it.

16:04 Adam But the main character was gay and it took place in sort of medieval times?

16:09 Drew No, sir.

16:10 Clive Barker Norway? In a fjord?

16:13 Drew Actually, it took place in Scotland, but the gnomes. I've never written about a gnome.

16:18 Adam Who was the guy?

16:19 Drew He was a photographer.

16:20 Clive Barker Named Gnomey.

16:22 All right.

16:23 Adam Well, I was half right with the gay part.

16:25 Drew Yeah, you were right. But I've now gone on. I'm doing some more stuff for kids and I'm just finished and publish in two months time a huge novel about Hollywood called Cold Heart Canyon, which is my tell-all novel about Hollywood.

16:41 Adam Oh, really?

16:42 Clive Barker Is Adam in it? Is Adam in it?

16:45 Drew I said tell-all.

16:47 Clive Barker Something to tell, again.

16:48 Adam Is this not fiction?

16:50 Drew It's a half fiction.

16:52 Adam Oh, really?

16:52 Drew Yeah. What I tried to do in Cold Heart Canyon is this canyon where actually the setup is really simple. A famous movie star, perhaps you would know who he was if you read the book, perhaps you'd guess who he was. He decides that his youth is fading and that he needs to have a facelift in order to get back, you know, at the heights and the facelift goes wrong. And his people, his managers and people say, you know what, we're going to hide you away till it's all good and you're looking good again and we've got this perfect place to hide you. And they take him off to a canyon called Cold Heart Canyon which is this hidden canyon in the midst of actually the canyon I live in.

17:45 Clive Barker Well, part of this is not fiction so far.

17:48 Drew Once he gets there, he finds it filled with old movie stars, real, real movie stars.

17:56 Clive Barker All with facelifts gone bad?

17:58 Drew I ain't tell them what their problems are. But then what I've tried to do is I've tried to fold into the novel everything I know about this town, good and bad. I mean, there are my experiences over the last, and you've had a lot of people sitting in this chair who've had bad experiences, I'm sure, in this town. I've had great experiences by and large.

18:18 Adam Well, I don't want to correct you. They've had bad experiences on the show, but not so much the town. The town's been good to them. The show they could do without.

18:27 Drew Okay.

18:27 Adam But now what about movies?

18:29 Clive Barker Let's be more specific, the hosts.

18:30 Adam The hosts, right. What about movies?

18:32 What's going on with that?

18:33 Drew For me, I'm doing a lot of stuff actually. A book that I'm producing called Abberat, which is a big fantasy book we took to Disney, and they bought for a large sum for movies and for theme parks.

18:51 Adam Oh my God. Wow, theme park.

18:53 Drew Yeah.

18:54 Adam And what about like fourth Hellraiser? Was there three Hellraisers?

18:58 Drew No, unfortunately there were actually six Hellraisers.

19:00 Adam Holy Christ. I only saw the first three, I guess.

19:03 Drew So did I. I kind of was out of the loop very early on that one. As I was on the Candyman movies, I was tied into the first two, but then there was a third which I wasn't invited to. I wasn't invited to.

19:17 Adam That's when they went downhill, right?

19:18 Drew Well, I think, yeah.

19:20 Adam Yeah. Again, the first Hellraiser classic.

19:25 Drew You know, it stood up. It stood up.

19:28 Adam It does, yeah.

19:28 Drew And the first Candyman looks pretty good. But, you know, I think by the time you get to number six of anything...

19:36 Adam Well, it's a good point because you're pretty familiar. I always said that about Alien. The first Alien was great. The second Alien was pretty good, except for you kind of knew who the villain was. And knowing the villain sort of makes them less scary. It's like those guys, you know those guys that got those big biker drunken friends and everyone is scared of them, but the guys who they hang out with don't have a problem with them. And they're not too scared. I'm like, I have friends who everyone is terrified of, but I'm not, because I know them. They would still kill me, but just because I've seen them take a crap or something, it made them human. Oh, put Pinhead on the pot.

20:18 Drew That would be good for number seven. I tell you what I am doing. I tell you what I am doing. I'm killing Pinhead on the page. I'm writing a novella because I am so fed up with Pinhead movies and so sick of him. I thought the only way I'm going to do this is if I just-

20:37 Clive Barker Kill him off.

20:37 Drew Kill him off. I can't do it in the movies because I don't have the rights to that character, but I can do it in literature.

20:45 Adam On the page.

20:46 Drew On the page. So I'm writing a story which will finish him off in a way that I think is noble and honorable.

20:55 Adam On the pie, like Elvis, right?

20:56 Drew Well, he might even get to the pot just because of this conversation.

20:59 Adam I would really love to see Painthead really pushing one out. God knows what that stool looks like.

21:05 Drew He's probably got pins in it, you know.

21:06 Adam That's what I'm thinking.

21:07 Drew It's really uncomfortable. Shredded poo. Oh.

21:09 Adam Jeff? Please, Drew, how dare you. Hello? Jeff, you're 24. What's up?

21:14 Clive Barker Play-Doh PlayStation?

21:15 Adam Yes?

21:16 Clive Barker I need some advice.

21:17 Adam All right.

21:18 Clive Barker Yeah. Well, I'm with this girl for, I guess, three years, and I want to make some porn with her.

21:29 Adam Yeah.

21:29 Clive Barker But I'm making porn with her and she doesn't know about it.

21:34 Adam How do you do that?

21:36 Clive Barker Well, I hide my camera. Where? Behind the CD, the hole in the CD.

21:42 Adam The hole in an actual CD?

21:45 Clive Barker Well, no. You know the hole in the CD?

21:49 Adam Yes.

21:50 Clive Barker Yeah. Well, I put the camera, I got a little digital camera, and I put it through that hole and I aim it down in my bed.

21:57 Adam No, I just said the hole in an actual CD and you said no, and then went and re-explained it. How doesn't she see a CD standing up on edge?

22:06 Clive Barker No, because she doesn't know about it. Actually, I take her to the mall.

22:10 Clive Barker Hold on.

22:10 Adam Hold on. Wow. I'll tell you, we plumb the depths of new retardism every night on this show. I want someone who's writing the DMS 5 or whatever that medical book is to use our callers as examples.

22:25 Clive Barker Yeah. A diagnostic category.

22:27 Adam Yes. A CD that's out of the packet and leaning up on its edge would be basically winking at you when you're having sex, wouldn't it?

22:37 Drew Maybe in the moment of pleasure, you're not noticing.

22:40 Clive Barker With Jeff?

22:40 Adam Please. Jeff, please describe this.

22:44 Clive Barker Okay. I guess the way I would take her to the mall and let her go shopping and I come home and I take my digital camera and put it on my entertainment center and aim it down on my bed.

22:58 Clive Barker Still camera.

23:00 Drew No.

23:00 Digital camera.

23:02 Drew Oh, so this is stills, Jeff.

23:04 Clive Barker Excuse me?

23:04 Drew Are these stills or this is a movie you're making?

23:08 Clive Barker I'm making a video of me and her. So it's a sex in my bed.

23:12 Drew Okay.

23:13 Adam Right.

23:13 Drew And she doesn't know.

23:14 Clive Barker She doesn't know.

23:15 Adam So it's a-

23:15 Drew And you feel bad about that.

23:18 Clive Barker Say again?

23:18 Clive Barker You feel bad about that?

23:20 Clive Barker No. What I want to- What I need advice is she was a virgin at 20.

23:28 Adam That's great.

23:29 Clive Barker It's hard for her to do things like that. But I've been with a couple more than a couple of women. I just want advice as to how can I ask her to make a video with me?

23:46 Adam Why? You're already making one.

23:48 Clive Barker Well, no. I want her to be comfortable because I want to make it more showing her and me more like getting down to the-

23:59 Clive Barker Oh, Jeff, you are some piece of work.

24:00 Adam Jeff, can't you just kill yourself, please?

24:04 Clive Barker Why do you say that?

24:05 Adam Really, you're a horrible person. You're a horrid wretched- You're worse than one of Clive's dolls.

24:11 What am I doing so wrong?

24:12 Clive Barker I'm just-

24:13 Drew You should be- You should- You should be telling her.

24:18 Clive Barker I'm 40 years old and I want to see me at this young age. Maybe if we're still together, then she might want to see it too and say, well, that's us at a young age.

24:26 Clive Barker Yeah, but Jeff, it's all about, I want to see, I want her to do this, this is what I need to do.

24:31 Clive Barker Well, no.

24:31 Clive Barker You're talking about- What? No.

24:33 Clive Barker Okay.

24:35 Clive Barker That's all that's come out of your mouth. Listen, you're talking about somebody, an intimate contact with somebody, you're already deceiving her. It's an intense violation and you don't seem to-

24:45 Clive Barker Actually, I already talked about it with her.

24:47 Adam All right.

24:48 Clive Barker But I haven't told her that I made videos.

24:50 Adam All right. Well, don't tell her about the prior ones. And if she gives you her consent on the new ones, then go forth. And I'll see you in hell.

24:58 Clive Barker No.

24:58 Adam All right. Yeah, well.

25:00 Clive Barker She's all happy about it.

25:01 Adam All right. Well, then, hold on a second.

25:04 Clive Barker Why is he calling then?

25:05 Adam Because this is either a bogus call. Yeah, right. It still doesn't let Jeff off the retard hook. He's definitely an idiot. I mean, you know what I love about the show? It never tires me. You know, people are fascinated with the wonder, the beauty of life and the colors on a butterfly. For me, I'm fascinated by people's stupidity.

25:26 Drew The colors of my stupidity.

25:28 Adam Really, yes, the shades of black and gray, the spectrum of Jeff's stupidity. You know what they do on this show all the time? They bring up these hypotheticals that are out there and hard to picture. I'm shooting through a CD, and then you start questioning it, but you'll never get a satisfactory answer. You'll never get the answer. You'll never. We never got to it. We went to the mall, then we went to her. We start, she started talking about digital, then we got all confused with the still, and the digital and stuff. Still never get to the part about how the CD is balanced up on its edge, and is he shooting through the hole in it? Is there a bunch of CDs there? We'll never get that answer. I swear I have to try.

26:08 Clive Barker But I don't even know why he's calling.

26:10 Adam I don't know. This is bogey. So why are you calling us, Jeff?

26:12 Clive Barker No, because my idea of shooting a digital camera through a CD was a good idea, I think.

26:19 Clive Barker Is that why you're calling us?

26:20 Adam Why are you calling us?

26:21 Clive Barker Jeff?

26:22 Adam Why are you calling us?

26:24 Clive Barker Because I just want advice. Should I tell her or not?

26:27 Clive Barker You told her. You told her you told us.

26:32 Clive Barker I told her the idea that I was making a video.

26:36 He's an idiot.

26:38 Clive Barker I don't know if I should tell her that I'm really making a video with her or not.

26:41 Clive Barker Well, Jeff, you said she was happy about the idea of making a video with you.

26:44 Clive Barker No, I don't know because she was a virgin.

26:46 Clive Barker But she's happy about it. Wait, wait. You said she was happy about the idea of making a video. Happy.

26:50 Clive Barker But I don't know for sure.

26:53 Clive Barker Well, she said she was happier with it.

26:54 Clive Barker But she was a virgin.

26:56 Clive Barker Is she happier?

26:57 Clive Barker No, because she might, if I try to make it, then she might not get on.

27:03 Adam Listen, I've said this many a time. You know the problem with this country? There's two big problems. We need a war and a transcontinental railroad to get these guys out of here and get them to work. Just put them in some sweat camp in the middle of the Mojave, just pounding spikes all day or just send them overseas and let them get the brains blown out on some battlefield we never heard of. We need that. No, we need that. No, listen, listen. Darwin needs to drag his rake across this country. Really, you know, they talk about the weed and seed program. I just want the weeding. I don't even want any re-seeding. I want this guy, Jeff, just to go work on some railroad that just keeps going and once it circles the earth it just goes around again, just keeps going around. Like a string on a spool, just keeps going and going and it just die out there. Do we have any use for him as a country, as a planet?

27:54 Clive Barker Is she happy about it?

27:55 Adam Oh, I don't, he can't even answer.

27:57 Clive Barker He can't answer.

27:58 Adam I think it's just a bogus call. Jay?

28:01 Clive Barker No, I'm afraid not. That's what Chimocho is.

28:02 Adam All right. Jay, you're 15.

28:04 Caller Yeah.

28:05 Adam What's up?

28:06 Caller I'm just going to get right into this. Well, about two years ago, my parents got depressed. I didn't really think so. But anyway, they said I was depressed. And supposedly, because of this, they're not allowing me to go on Accutane for my acne because they said that it could worsen my depression.

28:25 Clive Barker Sure can, but it's usually only while you're taking the medicine. It isn't typically the case that it would cause your depression to sort of spill into some sort of chronic state.

28:34 Adam Can you take Accutane and Welbutrin at the same time?

28:37 Clive Barker Yeah, but the Accutane, yeah. I don't know what the literature on that is, whether or not that really worked.

28:42 Caller I was on Zoloft.

28:43 Clive Barker Yeah, but Accutane is well known to cause significant depressive symptoms.

28:49 Caller Like horribly or...

28:52 Clive Barker Potentially.

28:53 Adam Well, you may not kill yourself, maybe just cut your foot off or something. That's what Drew is saying.

28:59 Drew How bad is the acne problem? That's the other part of all of this.

29:03 Caller Yeah, I mean I've had my acne for a while.

29:07 Drew And is it something that looks like it's just going to get better of its own accord or...?

29:11 Caller No, we're not talking, you know, a few... I mean...

29:14 Drew Yeah, okay.

29:15 Caller It's not that bad on my face. It's pretty much all over my back.

29:18 Clive Barker Accutane...

29:19 Adam Yeah, what do you care about your back?

29:21 Clive Barker I guess it would work for the back, but it's not specifically for the back.

29:24 Drew Are there not other......less...

29:27 Clive Barker There are. I mean, Accutane is magnificent. It's un-miraculous the way it works. But, yeah, there's antibiotics, there's creams, all kinds of stuff.

29:34 Caller They put me on tetracycline, it did not work.

29:38 Adam Well, what about being depressed because you have zits all over your back?

29:41 Caller That's not why.

29:43 Adam Well, I'm saying it can help.

29:45 Caller I personally don't think I'm depressed.

29:49 Adam Well, what about talking to your folks, your therapists, your doctors, about Accutane may be mixed with one of those. Right. And balance it out.

29:59 Clive Barker And by the way, Jay, the fact that you have no insight into your depression doesn't exactly build your argument. You understand? People don't, 13, 14-year-olds typically don't know when they're depressed. It's part of the disease in that age. And so your continued lack of insight doesn't encourage them to go ahead and put you on something where you might get severely depressed.

30:18 Adam All right. But it's like being in denial. And then you say, no, I'm not. And then they go, uh-huh. I mean, what are you supposed to do?

30:24 Clive Barker No, it's built. I mean, there are signs and symptoms. And they just add them up. And that's depression.

30:29 Adam All right. Remember when they used to just call it, when a 15-year-old was depressed, they just called it moping?

30:34 Clive Barker Well, you stop moping.

30:35 Drew No, that's right. I moped a lot.

30:36 Adam Yeah, you did a lot of moping. And now your life's moping all the way to the bank.

30:41 Drew But, you know, but all right. But in Jay's case, he has a, you know, I didn't have divorced parents. There are other things in Jay's life which are, you know, adding up to a miserable life.

30:52 Adam You had that crazy grandma. I was telling you it was a black man trying to steal your genitalia.

30:56 Drew I had a crazy grandmother who would, you remember that. Yeah.

31:00 Clive Barker We tell this at least once a week.

31:01 Adam Oh, she was on the show last month.

31:04 Drew She's been dead a long time. So that's really problematic.

31:07 Adam Tough booking.

31:07 Drew Yeah, really, I would say so. Get a shovel.

31:10 Clive Barker Oh, Clive Barker after all.

31:14 Adam All right, listen, we got to take a little break. Clive Barker's our guest tonight. He's got these amazing figurines out here. It's too nice a word, the figurine. Death dolls or something. Statues. And he's going to be doing a signing this Saturday on Sunset over at Meltdown, and we'll tell you all about it after this.

31:34 Caller Love Line with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

31:36 1-800-LOVE-191 Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191.

32:08 Adam Jimmy Kimmel, the great Jimmy Kimmel in here tomorrow night from The Fabulous Man Show, Comedy Central, 10 o'clock Sunday nights. And Clive Barker is here tonight. Clive, of course, the mastermind behind Candyman and Hellraiser. And really, how many books have you written, Clive?

32:25 Drew And the new book, Cold Heart Canyon, is my twenty-first.

32:28 Clive Barker I remember his favorite book was Moby Dick.

32:30 Drew And still is.

32:32 Adam And Clive?

32:32 Clive Barker I wasn't got it because of that. I never read it. Did you?

32:34 Drew Did you like it?

32:36 Clive Barker I didn't finish it. Oh. I don't know why.

32:38 Drew It's a big whale.

32:39 Clive Barker It's a big whale. And I'm constantly intending to finish it, too. I mean, it stayed with me. It's not a book that you put down.

32:45 Adam And Drew got it for me on cassette, because as you know.

32:48 Drew Who reads it on cassette?

32:50 Adam Wigwam? I don't know. What's the name of it? I don't know who reads it.

32:55 Drew Patrick Stewart or something like that?

32:57 Clive Barker I don't know.

32:58 Adam Howie Mandel read this one.

32:59 Drew Oh, there you go.

33:00 Adam I think it was a bad call.

33:01 Drew There you go. Robin Williams.

33:04 Adam I believe reading poisons the mind. But I don't want to detract people from reading Clive Barker books. And let me give Clive a plug. This Saturday, three o'clock, you can go down to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles on Sunset Boulevard. And I'm guessing that's on the Sunset Strip somewhere.

33:23 Drew It's beyond the Strip. It's east of the Strip.

33:25 Adam East of the Strip in Hollywood. And that's 7522 Sunset Boulevard. Three o'clock this Saturday, he'll be down there with these amazing sculptures.

33:37 Drew Can we give them the number so they can call ahead and ask for stuff?

33:42 Adam Yeah, 323-851-7223. And if you didn't get that number, it's Meltdown Comics.

33:51 Drew And they can bring books and stuff like that. I just want them to taste the toys. Yeah. Taste the toys.

34:00 Adam They're salty tasting.

34:02 Drew They're a whole new feel. They're a whole new feel.

34:05 Adam And they're really just spectacular. And oh, their arms move and everything.

34:11 Drew Well, I think that this one, no, every one of them has about nine different motions in it. You can make them do all kinds of strange things.

34:19 Adam And it's crazy. And you know, the most surreal part of these toys is the thousands of immigrant workers who are in some sweat shop putting these things together. The surreal look of some woman from Guatemala who's 50 pounds overweight and her 40 is just standing there assembling the doll on the vagina.

34:35 Drew Not even thinking about what it is.

34:37 Adam No, listen, I've been to a dildo factory. I've been to a set. I've been, yes, yes.

34:44 Drew And did you test out the merchandise?

34:47 Adam Not on site. No. There's nothing more surreal than seeing just thousands of fake vaginas going down an assembly line and the women treating them looking like, you ever see that footage of women working like at a tuna cannery just pulling the guts out, sending it down, pulling, just the same look on the face, the same movement, except for these, they're putting hair on a fake vagina.

35:14 Drew In passive about pussy.

35:15 Adam That's right. That's the name of the 22nd book.

35:20 Kyle?

35:22 Hello, this is Kyle.

35:23 Adam Hi, Kyle, you're 12. What's up?

35:27 Hi, Adam. Hi, Dr. Drew.

35:29 Clive Barker Hey, Kyle, what's up?

35:30 Clive Barker Um, I've had an erection.

35:33 Clive Barker Random?

35:34 Clive Barker Yep.

35:34 Clive Barker That's healthy.

35:36 Clive Barker Yeah, I know.

35:37 Clive Barker Are they a problem?

35:38 Clive Barker Yeah, because usually I get them in school.

35:40 Clive Barker Yeah.

35:40 Adam Yeah, that happens.

35:42 Clive Barker Then you'll wish for that again someday in about 20 years.

35:45 Adam Yeah. Your penis does not know when school's in session, when summer break's on, it knows no clock and no calendar. You just get that erection, and the only thing you can do is not wear sweats.

35:57 Drew It seems to know math.

35:58 Clive Barker In math, and when your teacher's going to ask you to come to the board to do a problem.

36:03 Drew We all know this.

36:04 Clive Barker It's almost some sort of divining rod for that, in fact.

36:06 Drew Divining rod, I like that. Yeah.

36:10 Adam Kyle, what do you wear to school? You can't wear sweatpants with no underwear.

36:15 Clive Barker I wear short pants. Not real short pants, I wear regular boy short pants.

36:21 Clive Barker Suddenly flashing a mic, it's calling me short pants.

36:23 Clive Barker I'm passing your knees.

36:25 Adam Yeah. But you need to wear denim.

36:27 Clive Barker Something heavy.

36:28 Drew Yeah.

36:29 Adam Burlap even.

36:30 Drew Yeah.

36:31 Clive Barker Tell me so it's not obvious when that random event occurs.

36:34 Adam All right, Kyle.

36:35 Drew Don't be worried about it. It's fine.

36:38 Adam Yes.

36:39 Hey, Adam.

36:40 Clive Barker Mr. Adam, should I call you that?

36:42 Yeah.

36:43 I still remember your name is the great Shubini or something like that.

36:46 Adam Oh, the great Spudini. Yes, my poor name.

36:48 Clive Barker Spudini.

36:48 Adam Yeah.

36:49 Clive Barker How did we come up with that?

36:50 You know Alex who called yesterday?

36:52 Adam Alex who called this show yesterday?

36:54 Yeah.

36:55 Adam Listen, you're all nameless and faceless to me. You're just one number.

37:00 Clive Barker Whose?

37:00 His girlfriend.

37:01 Clive Barker Yeah.

37:01 He's talking about his girlfriend.

37:02 Adam Right.

37:03 My brother.

37:04 Clive Barker How's he doing?

37:05 Clive Barker Good.

37:05 His girlfriend.

37:06 Clive Barker I tried to tip the teacher yesterday. Whatever.

37:09 Adam All right. Thanks, Kyle. You're welcome. Kyle, do you have a newsletter or something you could put out? Kyle's Life. Well, third period got a boner. Fourth period, friend, brother, his girlfriend. Tried to trip the teacher. Unsuccessfully, I might add.

37:26 That's riveting.

37:28 Adam You know what's great about being 12, though, is whatever your world is, is the world.

37:32 Clive Barker Everybody's world.

37:33 Adam Like we're going to chime in. Oh, miss, he tried to trip Mrs. Parker?

37:37 Clive Barker Oh, such a pain in the ass.

37:39 Adam I would have done the same. I like to see that old bag hit the floor at least once a semester.

37:43 Drew You know what this man said, which is so true, is that envy factor at a certain age, when we all look back at 12, and that thing about having an erection when the wind changed, sometimes when it didn't change, and now I'm 48 going on 49 and thinking, wow, how cool, good for that kid, good for that kid, and there'll be a time when he'll look back and he'll go, why doesn't that happen anymore?

38:10 Clive Barker Adam, what was that time that happened to you, just spontaneously?

38:13 Adam The good erection?

38:14 Clive Barker Yeah, spontaneously, you're sitting.

38:16 Adam Geez, it's tough.

38:17 Clive Barker In the wood shop. Well, in the wood shop, you get it all the time, I'm sure.

38:20 Drew I'll tell you, it happened to me yesterday.

38:23 Clive Barker Really?

38:24 Drew And it was like one of those moments.

38:25 Clive Barker Were you thinking about something?

38:27 Drew I'm just looking at my other horse, seeing if it's okay to say this, but we were driving along, and I said, oh my god, I have a Woody. And it was just one of those great moments. The wind was coming in, the car, it felt good, and my husband was sitting beside me and I thought, wow, this is okay.

38:47 Adam Are you guys married?

38:49 Drew We're as married as two guys can be after six years.

38:51 Clive Barker In the state.

38:53 Drew Yeah, in the state. And we have a little girl, she's not a little girl, she's a beautiful 13-year-old, who is Nicole, and she's a fantastic, she's a fantastic.

39:03 Adam Oh, you adopted her? Well, did you make her?

39:06 Drew Jamaica. No, she came of her own accord. What?

39:09 Adam Did you make her some way?

39:11 Drew No, no, no, no, no, no. They haven't got the technology that refined yet, but one of these days, two men will be able to provide it.

39:18 Clive Barker No, but they can mix your sperm up and put it in somebody else.

39:20 Adam You go get like Melissa Ethrich's egg or something.

39:23 Drew No, I don't need to go there. All I need to do is love the child.

39:27 Adam God bless you. I like that. I really do. I always think it's so narcissistic when people go, but it's not me.

39:34 Drew No, stop that. No, she's an amazing young lady.

39:39 Adam Ed?

39:40 Yes.

39:40 Adam You're 27?

39:42 Caller Okay.

39:42 Adam What's up?

39:44 Caller I've got a problem with her. No offense to Adam Corolla, but my girlfriend's obsessed with the show, and she's obsessed with, I mean, screen savers, the show. I mean, the show's good, but.

39:58 Adam Well, it's not great. Why obsess over it?

40:01 Caller But honestly, I mean, she, that's all she talks about, Adam Corolla this, Adam Corolla that.

40:06 Adam Yeah.

40:06 Caller We had an all-blowout fight, and I booted her out of the house.

40:10 Clive Barker Tonight?

40:12 Caller I just wonder if you might be able to kind of snap her in to check and.

40:16 Adam Well, you want me to talk her down?

40:18 Caller Yeah.

40:19 Adam Well.

40:20 Caller If you wouldn't mind.

40:22 Adam Is she on the phone? Oh, she is? She's on line eight?

40:25 Clive Barker Push the lower line.

40:26 Adam Hold on a second. This has got to be bogus. Julie?

40:30 Clive Barker Julie?

40:31 Clive Barker Yes, this is Julie.

40:33 Adam I already don't believe her. I know. Julie?

40:36 Clive Barker Yes.

40:37 Adam All right. Are you Ed's girlfriend?

40:40 Clive Barker His ex-girlfriend.

40:41 Adam I see. Were you guys living together?

40:44 Clive Barker Um, yes, we were.

40:45 Adam And he booted you out of the house?

40:48 Clive Barker Yes, because I'm just so in love with Adam.

40:51 Caller Really?

40:52 Clive Barker Yes.

40:53 Adam And why? What do you like about me? Take your time, dear.

40:57 Just everything.

41:00 Adam See if you can put it into words without crying.

41:02 Clive Barker How old are you, Julie?

41:04 Clive Barker I'm eighteen.

41:06 Clive Barker And you were living with a twenty-seven year old?

41:08 Clive Barker Yes, I am.

41:08 Clive Barker How long did you am or you were?

41:11 Clive Barker I was.

41:12 Clive Barker How long did you live with him for?

41:13 Clive Barker Until he kicked me out.

41:14 Clive Barker Where are you right now?

41:15 Clive Barker Where am I?

41:16 Clive Barker Yeah.

41:17 Clive Barker I'm at a friend's house.

41:20 Adam Yeah. Drew's got a little bogus look on his face, too. What's a friend's name?

41:25 Clive Barker My friend's name is Tracy.

41:27 Adam And you crashing out at her place until you patch things up with Ed?

41:32 Clive Barker Yeah.

41:33 Adam And what do you mean? What's, why is your obsession for me? And it's a natural obsession, by the way.

41:38 It's a healthy, right?

41:39 Adam Healthy. Most women in Clive have it.

41:41 Drew Stop.

41:42 Adam But, but he just said he got a woody thinking of me driving around.

41:45 Drew I did not. You had nothing to do with it.

41:47 Adam You knew you're going to be on this show. You're chubbing up.

41:50 Drew Stop.

41:51 Adam But, but why, why is this come into the relationship? Why is it a factor?

41:59 Clive Barker I don't know. He just doesn't like me talking about you all the time.

42:03 Clive Barker But I'm just so in love with you.

42:05 Clive Barker Well, don't you think it might upset your boyfriend when you're talking about being in love with someone else?

42:08 Clive Barker Well, I don't know. It's just I have this big obsession with you and I just can't help it.

42:16 Adam To be fair to Julie, I talked to my girlfriend about Ed quite a bit.

42:19 Clive Barker Okay.

42:20 Adam That's kind of even out. Yeah.

42:22 Drew Quid pro quo.

42:23 What is that about?

42:25 Adam Don't worry what it's about, Ed. That's between me and my gal pal. So, all right. So, I don't even know if I want these two back together. Ed, what do you do for a living?

42:35 I'm sorry?

42:36 Adam What do you do for a living?

42:38 Who do I do for a living? Who do you do?

42:40 Adam All right. I'm getting close to hanging up because I keep getting the repeated answer and it's stalling for time. Yes. What do you do for a living?

42:48 I work at Walmart.

42:50 Adam All right. So you're King of the World at 27 over there at Walmart and you booted this beautiful young 18-year-old out of your place and you're not going to get too many women, Ed. This may be it for you.

43:04 Caller I'm not a bad looking guy.

43:05 Adam I know, but you work at Walmart and you're 27 and women are not beating a path to your door. You should take this Julie back. Julie.

43:13 Caller Yes.

43:14 Adam What do you know about me if you're so obsessed?

43:16 Clive Barker I don't know.

43:17 Caller You're just so cute.

43:19 Adam Okay, but give me some data. Give me some facts. I want to test her because if she's obsessed, she should know something, right?

43:24 Clive Barker Yeah. What does he say or do that you find particularly appealing?

43:30 Adam Julie.

43:31 Caller I don't know.

43:32 Clive Barker What is he into? What's his favorite hobby?

43:35 Adam Give me some hobbies.

43:37 Caller Your hobbies?

43:37 Clive Barker Yes.

43:39 Caller I don't.

43:40 Clive Barker If you're so obsessed with them. Yeah.

43:41 Adam How can you be obsessed with me and not know anything about me?

43:43 Clive Barker He only does talk about himself out endlessly every night.

43:46 Adam That's why I got the radio show.

43:48 Caller I know.

43:49 Adam All right. So what about me do you know?

43:52 Clive Barker I just know everything about you.

43:54 Adam Okay. Liar whore. Liar whore. You know it. Drew, please. Tell me what my hobbies are. Tell me what I used to do before I got into radio. I'm testing you because I think this is bogus.

44:08 Drew Silence, Julie.

44:10 Adam Did she hang up? All right. Julie, I have to hang up on you because you're unable to communicate. What is your first language?

44:21 Clive Barker Julie. It's the bottom one.

44:24 Adam It is?

44:24 Caller Okay.

44:25 Adam All right, Julie. Bye bye.

44:27 Caller All right.

44:29 Adam Now, you see, again, is it bogus or is it stupid? The world may never know. I believe there was some truth in that. But again, you're dealing with people that are just so goddamned stupid that they can't form a thought. Yeah, they can't express themselves. All right, Clive, you're right.

44:48 Drew I think you're being uncrewed. I think you're being uncrewed. Yeah, I think when people come on radio and they're talking to somebody they've seen on TV and whatever, they get a little tongue tied. I think that's understandable.

45:00 Adam I agree.

45:01 Clive Barker Part of the problem, we think so little of ourselves that we can't imagine. That doesn't affect our thinking at all.

45:05 Adam Right.

45:05 Clive Barker Wouldn't you say?

45:07 Adam Absolutely not. Clive is right, but when you get to the fourth or fifth layer of the onion where you start going, okay, tell me what my hobby is or tell me something about myself and there's just dead air, at that point, you got to figure.

45:24 Drew I wasn't talking about that specific point. I was just talking about that specific person. I was just saying it's understandable that people get. Listen, we live in a culture in a broader sense, we live in a culture which is celebrity driven. You are a celebrity. I can completely understand how somebody seeing you, I turn on the television that you are.

45:45 Adam Well, I appreciate that Clive, but-

45:47 Drew No, I'm trying to make a serious point about what-

45:50 Clive Barker About the culture.

45:51 Drew About the culture.

45:51 Clive Barker Go ahead, go ahead.

45:52 Drew Which is that unfortunately people are being sold other people as something to latch on to.

46:02 Clive Barker As opposed to religious icons where we're placed-

46:03 Drew You're right, exactly. You don't go to church on Sunday, you go to a certain place on MTV. And you can see how sophisticated the marketers have become in selling us people. And how the drama of Nicole and Tom has become our drama. We were having this conversation in the car coming over because lovely lady Sylvia who is my publicist or one of my publicists was talking about how much she doesn't want to be involved in having to deal with the dramas of people in the public eye because that's not what she wants to do. She wants to be able to help legitimate people.

46:45 Clive Barker So, mango figurines.

46:47 Drew Yes, exactly. Vast numbers of figurines. But the point I think, the point I was trying to make and it's not a big point but it does go to the conversation you just had that I think people are being sold a kind of weird vision of what you are, what I am that is full of false expectation.

47:13 Adam Well, I'll agree with that and we're running late for break but I'll tell you one thing and we'll just finish this conversation off.

47:18 Clive Barker We'll do the usual, continue the conversation during the break.

47:20 Adam No, no. Oh yeah, we will but just so people can hear it on the air, one of the things I like about this show and I like about whatever celebrity I have and I think I can speak for Drew.

47:30 Clive Barker It's you.

47:30 Adam And this is me. When I see people on the street, they say, hey Adam, they don't call me by my character's name. I'm not playing doctor so and so on one day to live. And we sit here every night and we try real hard to say what's on our mind and what happened to us during the day. And hopefully people think of us, obviously they're going to think of us as somewhat of celebrities because we're on a radio show or on TV. But hopefully they think of us as Adam and Drew, the human beings. And I think for the most part our audience, the people who tune in nightly on this show, do. All right. Now Adam and Drew are going to take a leak. We'll be back with Clive Barker. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, it's Dr. Drew. Clive Barker is our guest tonight. We're going to tell you where you can find him after the break. I'll give him some plugs, but I want to see if I can power through a couple of calls before we got to go to break again. Divine?

49:00 Clive Barker Divine.

49:02 Adam You're 16? You lost your virginity July 4th? And now it burns when you urinate? Okay.

49:10 Clive Barker Do you have any vaginal discharge? Any pelvic pain?

49:13 Uh, not really.

49:14 Clive Barker Alright, we probably just have a urinary tract infection, but burning with urination is also a sign of a sexually transmitted disease, okay?

49:21 Clive Barker Okay.

49:22 Clive Barker And if it's just a urinary tract infection, those are usually very easy to clear out, but you must get it cleared up quickly because the bacteria can get up into your kidney and cause very serious infection if you don't get this taken care of.

49:33 Adam Alright.

49:33 Clive Barker Okay.

49:34 Adam Alright, so go to, like, Planned Parenthood or your gynecologist or your doctor.

49:38 Clive Barker Quickly.

49:39 Adam Well, not tonight. The guy's sleeping. He's got a tea off time. It's six tomorrow morning. Leave him alone. Okay. Take care of it. Thank you. Oops. I screwed that up. Jason?

49:49 Yeah.

49:50 Adam You're 22.

49:51 Caller Right.

49:52 Adam You're gay and you want to know if there's any type of medical procedure to change this?

49:55 Caller Well, I wouldn't say a medical procedure. I'd say just research involved in any sort of treatment.

50:03 Drew Leave this one for me.

50:04 Adam Okay.

50:05 Clive Barker But we're going to do it after the break, though, I think.

50:07 Caller Right?

50:07 Adam Yeah. Well, Clive, I'll tell you what. Clive can give his take on this for a minute and then we'll go to break and then we can finish up on it. Go ahead, Clive.

50:14 Drew Jason, are you desperately unhappy? You're talking one gay man to another here. Are you desperately unhappy?

50:21 Caller Yeah.

50:22 Drew And do you really think the source of it is being gay or just your experiences recently? I mean...

50:29 Caller No, it's being gay. I'm unhappy. You know, I want to have a natural, normal life. And I can do that in terms of what I've grown up in. I've grown up in traditional surroundings. And I want to have a natural, normal, happy life as I'm accustomed to, as I've grown up.

50:51 Drew Well, I think, can I say, you're never going to have your parents' life because nobody has their parents' life. Whether you're straight or you're gay, nobody has their parents' life. I have a happy marriage to a man I love. And I know that may sound strange to you. And you may not even like to hear that. But the truth of the matter is that love and tenderness and all the wonderful values that go with having a relationship with somebody you adore for the rest of your life can be a part of being a gay man or a gay woman.

51:31 Adam Hold on, Jason. Jason, we gotta go to a break.

51:34 Drew But we'll catch you after the break.

51:36 Adam All right. We'll make you feel good.

51:37 Drew Promise.

51:38 Adam And I'll explain the virtues of the gay life.

51:40 Drew Good God.

51:41 Adam As Drew knows, I've longed to be gay.

51:43 Clive Barker It's true.

51:44 Adam I really do. And I'll tell you why.

51:45 Drew I'll show you. Yeah. OK. I'll listen.

51:49 Adam After this.

51:51 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

52:35 Adam Hey everyone, it is Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1. Am I boring you, Drew?

52:43 Clive Barker No more than usual.

52:44 Adam All right, Drew just put out a huge yawn right in the middle.

52:47 Clive Barker You know, it really is Pavlovian. I hear your voice. And it's not small yawns either.

52:52 Adam No, no, that biggie's. And his nose was on the ceiling, and his jaw was on his balls. It was that big a yawn. Tonight, our guest, Clive Barker.

53:02 Clive Barker I'm gonna be one of his figurines soon.

53:03 Drew Yeah, really?

53:04 Clive Barker If I can do that.

53:05 Drew Yawn doctor. Thank you, thank you.

53:07 Adam Hellraiser, Candyman amongst his credits. And now these amazing Tortured Souls figurines that he did with Todd McFarlane. And amazing, absolutely amazing. They must be seen to be believed. There we go. And they're 11 bucks.

53:28 Drew Listen, yeah, is that right?

53:30 Clive Barker It sounds like you're being facetious. You really mean that.

53:33 Adam They need to see them.

53:34 Clive Barker Yeah, these are unbelievable.

53:36 Drew Thank you.

53:36 Adam Yeah, they really are. And if you want to see them for yourself, you can head down to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles, which is on Sunset Boulevard. That is this Saturday at 3 o'clock. Clive will be there. He will be signing these. He will be signing other things you may bring, right, Clive?

53:51 Drew Yeah.

53:52 Adam Books and that sort of stuff.

53:53 Drew Mainly the toys.

53:55 Adam And again, phone number, 323-851-7223, Meltdown Comics. That is here in Los Angeles. Alright, 3 o'clock Saturday. Now, when we left off, we were speaking to Jason. Jason is 22. Jason is gay. He doesn't want to be gay. He wants to have the kind of traditional family that he grew up in and is worried about a life with an out-of-wife. Jason?

54:20 Caller Alright.

54:22 Caller Yeah. Well, first of all, let me say that. I have never had any gay experience. And I really only admitted to myself that I am gay in recent years. And I have kind of isolated myself socially lately because I don't really know how to deal with it.

54:37 Clive Barker Do you have some religious orientation that would have you believe in this?

54:40 Caller No. It's just myself. I feel like my... I'm characteristically straight in almost every other aspect except sexual attraction. I mean, you know, I hunt and fish with the guys. I go to the bars, you know, I watch... sit down and watch porn with them, all that. It's just in my... you know, within myself, I have these attractions and I feel if I could tweak that somehow...

55:05 Adam Well, have you ever been with a woman?

55:07 Caller Yes.

55:08 Adam And you didn't enjoy it?

55:10 Caller Yeah, I enjoyed it. But it's... the stronger attraction is...

55:15 Adam Right.

55:16 Drew Well, you feel guilty about the attraction? What I'm not getting is... What's the problem that you just feel you won't have a happy life if you're gay?

55:29 Caller I just feel...

55:31 Caller Right. I just don't feel... I feel like it's only a sexual attraction. I'm not a person that feels all these tender, you know, loving feelings.

55:41 Drew You just think it's lust, in other words.

55:43 Caller Right.

55:44 Caller It would be purely lustful.

55:46 Drew But if you were to meet the right guy, and I think it seems to me you're making a judgment on your own behalf, which may be unfair on yourself. If you spend some time with the right guy, and you spend some time meeting the right guy, not just going to the bar and sleeping with the first guy that you meet, um... And I know the gay culture can be very driven towards that, and it isn't good. But if you do take some time, in an old-fashioned way, looking for somebody who means something to you, spending some time courting, in the old sense of the word, you might surprise yourself. You might be... One thing that might surprise you is how ordinary gay life is. I don't know what you're imagining it might be. I think you may have, maybe, fearful that it's some elaborately strange ritual, which it isn't. Gay love is like straight love, only the parts are different. It's... There's nothing untoward about it. There's nothing, I really believe, unnatural. And I will say this, and Drew and I can have this debate. I don't know. I think you were born gay. I think I was born gay. I think, increasingly, the literature says that you are born gay. In other words, you don't have a whole heap of choice in your orientation. The fact that you hunt and you fish just makes you more attractive to a whole bunch of gay men.

57:13 Caller And although that may be true, could it be a possibility that the whole gay thing is an anomaly?

57:21 Drew In what sense, Jason?

57:22 Caller It's not necessarily a mental illness that...

57:24 Drew No, it is not... No, it is not...

57:27 Caller .can be treated, possibly, by those that choose to be treated.

57:31 Adam Well, it... no. And listen, I want to chime in with what Clive said about being born gay. We really get obsessed with this as a society, whether you... you know, to me, it's water under the bridge. I mean, it's neither here nor there. Either attracted to men or you're not.

57:49 Clive Barker Yeah.

57:50 Adam Don't care what happened or why.

57:52 Clive Barker Adam equates this to the breast. Pardon. Clive didn't get this.

57:56 Adam Well, what I'm saying is I like a big bosom.

57:59 Drew Yes. I don't.

58:00 Clive Barker Yeah.

58:00 Adam Right.

58:00 Clive Barker But nothing could... Oh, yeah.

58:02 Adam That's obvious. But I enjoy a big bosom.

58:04 Clive Barker And nothing could take that out of his system.

58:06 Drew And I enjoy a big bosom.

58:08 Adam Right.

58:08 Drew You know, that's... and Jason does, too.

58:11 Adam I enjoy a huge schlong on occasion.

58:13 Drew Oh, okay, okay, okay. Now we're into a very difficult area.

58:18 Adam No, here's what I'm saying. This is what I like. And I don't know the boob part. I don't know why. I don't know if this... I was born with this. I don't know if it was nature or nurture. I don't know where this was created, but it doesn't matter. It's there, and it ain't going away.

58:34 Drew And the point is that it is you. It is an essential part of who you are. And Jason, your homosexuality, assuming that you are gay, and I think for the sake of argument, let's assume that your instincts are correct, and you are, that's part of who you are. And don't be afraid of something so essential. It isn't about lust. It may seem to be about lust from a distance, but it's about love in the end. It's about getting close to somebody and having a relationship. And it's sure you're not going to get married, and he's not going to get dressed in a white veil. I understand that. And I absolutely shared at a certain point in my life the disappointment that I think you feel about not being a part of regular society. But actually, you know what? At a certain point, where do you live?

59:31 Caller I live in a rural...

59:33 Drew Yeah.

59:33 Caller Rural what? Rural...

59:35 Drew but a rural community.

59:37 Caller Right.

59:38 Drew Yeah. So there's a problem there, I understand.

59:41 Adam Doesn't say Manhattan Beach, by the way. How rural is that?

59:44 Caller Oh, no. He misinterpreted me. I live in a small Kansas community.

59:51 Drew So are you saying that it's hard for you to come out in the community in which you live?

59:58 Caller If I would be willing to accept myself as homosexual, yes, it would be difficult to come out.

1:00:05 Adam And part of that, by the way, and I got to put them on hold. You can hear us, but we got to move on with the calls. Part of that, I think is, and it's one of the, I guess, trials and tribulations of being gays, you may have to move.

1:00:18 Drew Yeah.

1:00:19 Adam I mean, if you're going to get, if they're going to burn a meata on your front lawn, you gotta move. Well, I'm just saying.

1:00:26 Clive Barker If you're afraid, somebody's going to do that.

1:00:28 Adam Yeah. We have said this to gay people who have called this show. Look, if you're 16 and you're going to a tough high school, don't get on the PA system and announce it. You might get your ass kicked. Yeah. Not that you should lie about it, but on the other hand, let's live in the real world here. We don't want to see you get hurt. Let me explain why I love the gay lifestyle. I really do. I think that gays are the best people because-

1:00:56 Clive Barker If you could have a gay male with breasts, Adam, that would be it. We'd be game on.

1:01:01 Drew Yeah.

1:01:02 Adam We'd have to shave real close for the oral side. Here's why I love the gay lifestyle and I love the gays.

1:01:10 Drew The gays.

1:01:10 Adam I've known a few of the gays. It's supposed to be black.

1:01:12 Clive Barker You won't stop. Let them go.

1:01:13 Adam Or the China men or groups like that. I have some gay friends and this is what I like about them. First off, these people recycle. They take care of Mother Earth. They're very concerned with the Mother Earth. Certain cultures, they don't care. You see them driving down the freeway, they're dumping the McDonald's wrappers right out. Not the gays. They would never do this. Number two, they're very manicured people. They always look good.

1:01:37 Caller Stop.

1:01:37 Drew They don't look disheveled. Come on.

1:01:38 Caller Look at you. Look at you.

1:01:39 Adam You're 48. You're in better shape than you were at the 21. Look at you. Not a hair out of place. You exfoliate. You look like you've been tanning. You're very, very well groomed. And the houses and lawns. Very well groomed. They take over a community and they give it a facelift. You've seen the Boys Town here on Santa Monica. Not a weed grown in that place. No graffiti anywhere. There's no trash. There's no crime.

1:02:05 Caller It's boom.

1:02:07 Adam Everything taken care of.

1:02:08 Drew Clean, good folks is what you're saying.

1:02:10 Adam That's right. You work hard. You make lots of money and you don't pollute the world with tons of unwanted kids who you screw over. I would think we'd be in. And how much gay crime is there? I mean, gay men perpetrating crime. You know what I mean? How many gay murderers are there? How much gay gang violence is there? How much gay domestic abuse is there? There's not a lot of gay crime out there. And I believe that if a larger percentage of society was gay, that we would have safer, cleaner, better running neighborhoods, and I'd get more checks.

1:02:50 Drew Yeah, they basically say that.

1:02:53 Adam They're better people. They really are.

1:02:55 Clive Barker Now, just to answer Jason's question, I don't happen, for sure, everyone would agree the jury is out on this. There is certain, like with all human behavior, there's always a biological component. How much biology is determined may differ for different individuals. Some people may be, in fact, I think everyone agrees some people are born that way. Some people have more of an environmental impact, yeah, influence, but still must have some sort of biological.

1:03:18 Drew Jason doesn't sound like he's getting a lot of environmental.

1:03:20 Clive Barker No, he doesn't. No, I agree with you. And there are still people that will monkey with aspects of self, whether it's sexual orientation or other aspects of self. So his question was, do people do that? Yes, they do, but they certainly wouldn't be considered part of the mainstream. I think most people would think in terms of treating mental health in somebody like Jason would be, what are your goals? And your goal would be to be happy, and changing your fundamental sense of self is probably not a realistic part of that.

1:03:46 Adam All right. Hailey?

1:03:48 Yeah.

1:03:49 Adam You're 15?

1:03:49 Caller Yeah.

1:03:50 Adam What's up?

1:03:52 Caller Like when I have anal sex with my boyfriend, he sticks his dick up too far and it hurts. So I was just wondering if I could do any permanent damage.

1:03:59 Adam Are you calling from finishing school? Where are you now?

1:04:02 Clive Barker Nursery school, I think is where she is.

1:04:03 Caller No, I'm in junior high.

1:04:05 Adam Oh, I see.

1:04:05 Caller I'm going into ninth grade.

1:04:07 Clive Barker Are you still a virgin?

1:04:08 Caller No.

1:04:09 Clive Barker I wonder if she's on those technical virgins.

1:04:11 Adam Going into the ninth grade.

1:04:13 Caller Yeah, I got held back.

1:04:14 Adam Oh, yeah. Too much anal sex, huh?

1:04:17 Drew That'll do it.

1:04:18 Caller I actually was in kindergarten.

1:04:19 Adam I see.

1:04:21 Clive Barker Why in kindergarten?

1:04:22 Caller Well, because I'm kind of tiny and you know how they hold people back for being really small.

1:04:26 Clive Barker No.

1:04:27 Adam No. Never heard of that.

1:04:29 Caller Oh, well.

1:04:30 Adam But an interesting angle for your parents to work.

1:04:35 Drew Let's not even talk about angles here.

1:04:37 Adam Oh, man.

1:04:38 Clive Barker Yeah. Yes, you can't hurt yourself with anal sex. It's something that needs to be done carefully and gently. Even then, you can cause tearing and hemorrhoids and all kinds of good things.

1:04:48 Adam How old is your boyfriend?

1:04:50 Caller He's, like, I think he just turned 18 two days ago.

1:04:53 Adam Now, wait a minute. You think?

1:04:56 Caller He just turned 18 two days ago. I think two days ago. Or like three or something.

1:05:02 Adam What 15-year-old girl who's having anal sex with her boyfriend does not know what his age is?

1:05:07 Caller Well, I don't know if it was two or three days ago.

1:05:09 Adam All right. And so now this guy's having anal sex with a minor.

1:05:16 Caller Well, now. Right.

1:05:18 Adam You're going into the ninth grade and he should have graduated high school had he had enough credits when last year?

1:05:26 Caller Yeah.

1:05:27 Adam And what's he doing now?

1:05:28 Caller He's going to college.

1:05:29 Adam Oh, no, no. Junior college, right?

1:05:32 Caller Yeah.

1:05:32 Adam That is not college. It just has the word college in it. Okay. It's like the electoral college. It's not an actual college. It has the college name in it. Confusing.

1:05:43 Caller Yeah.

1:05:43 Adam Like Dr. J is not really a doctor. Okay. So he, what did he do? Take the GED and get out of high school or something?

1:05:52 Caller No.

1:05:52 Adam He graduated.

1:05:53 Caller Yeah.

1:05:53 Caller He's old enough.

1:05:54 Adam All right. And now he's having anal sex with a 15-year-old. I don't trust this guy, by the way. And what's up with you and your family?

1:06:04 Caller What do you mean?

1:06:04 Adam Where's your dad?

1:06:06 Caller My dad, he lives in a different town than me.

1:06:10 Clive Barker Shocking. Shocking.

1:06:11 Adam Right.

1:06:12 Caller My parents are divorced.

1:06:13 Adam Is your dad nay-hold? Does he neglect you?

1:06:16 Caller No.

1:06:17 Caller I actually go with him, but I don't really like to.

1:06:20 Caller Why not?

1:06:21 Caller Just because he takes us to court a lot and stuff, so I really don't like to.

1:06:24 Clive Barker For what?

1:06:25 Caller Just for custody. Just like he wants to do stuff that we don't.

1:06:29 Clive Barker Like what?

1:06:30 Caller He wants to take us like, he likes going in the school year, he likes going week on with us and then week off, but then we don't want it. We want to like, you know, actually have time to be home because we've been raised by my mom, but he doesn't listen to what we want.

1:06:45 Clive Barker And you prefer to be with your mom?

1:06:46 Caller Yeah.

1:06:47 Adam All right. Is she a good woman?

1:06:49 Caller Yeah.

1:06:49 Adam Does she know about this wretched sex you're having with your adult boyfriend?

1:06:54 Caller No.

1:06:55 Adam All right. Are you using any kind of protection when you do this?

1:06:59 Caller Yeah.

1:07:00 Clive Barker Condoms?

1:07:01 Caller Yeah.

1:07:01 Adam You're using condoms?

1:07:02 Caller Yeah.

1:07:03 Adam And are you on the birth control pill?

1:07:05 Caller Yeah.

1:07:05 Adam You are?

1:07:06 Clive Barker Which pill are you taking?

1:07:07 Caller What?

1:07:07 Clive Barker Which pill are you taking?

1:07:10 Caller I don't know.

1:07:12 Clive Barker Does it have a name on it?

1:07:13 Caller Does it have a name on it? Well, it's in my bathroom and I'm in my room.

1:07:18 Drew Does your mother know about the boyfriend at all or not?

1:07:22 Caller She knows about the boyfriend, but she doesn't know about the boyfriend.

1:07:25 Adam All right. I don't trust this guy. I really don't. Are you in love with him?

1:07:32 Caller I think. I'm not really sure.

1:07:34 Adam You're not that into him, are you?

1:07:35 Caller Well, I am, but I mean, you can't really say you love. I only met him like about a year ago and you can't really.

1:07:42 Clive Barker Is he seeing other people? Hold on.

1:07:44 Adam Hold on a second. What 14, 15 year old girl has been with a guy and been this intimate with a guy for a year, says the jury is still out on love.

1:07:52 Caller Well, I don't know.

1:07:54 Clive Barker The jury is stuck because he's going, hey, we're not having a relationship. Just remember.

1:07:58 Adam Is he not into you? What's he doing?

1:08:02 Clive Barker Yeah, that's him. Isn't it? Oh, we're just hanging out. We're just hanging out.

1:08:07 Caller I don't think he's into anybody else or anything, but.

1:08:10 Adam Well, does he call you his girlfriend?

1:08:12 Caller Yeah.

1:08:13 Adam Does he say he loves you?

1:08:14 Caller Yeah.

1:08:15 Caller Well, not like daily, constantly.

1:08:19 Adam Would you like him to say he loves you?

1:08:22 Caller Yeah, but.

1:08:23 Adam Uh-oh. Okay. Haley, Drew's right. We've stumbled onto this thing. This guy's playing you a little bit. He's an older idiot who's basically cornholing some young 15-year-old girl and he's just playing you. He is. You know it too. You know if you ask him and corner him, you're going to get an answer that you may not want to hear.

1:08:47 Clive Barker So you don't ask him?

1:08:48 Adam Yeah.

1:08:48 Clive Barker So you play along with him?

1:08:49 Adam You play along with him.

1:08:50 Clive Barker Well, he's not really my boyfriend.

1:08:51 Adam Well, we've only been together for a year. We don't know.

1:08:54 Drew Yeah. How are we going to know? Yeah.

1:08:56 Adam You got to be more honest with yourself, Haley.

1:08:58 Drew Yeah.

1:08:59 Adam You know this guy's playing you a little bit. He's not into you as much as you're into him, and you're just going along with everything he asks, hoping he'll stay around. You got to have the courage to get away from this guy if he's not into you. All right? All right. All right. You're not going to do it. Don't get pregnant in the meantime.

1:09:18 Clive Barker Please, stand up, Bill.

1:09:20 Adam We've been together for a year. The jury is still out. After a year, that's the part when you're falling out a lot. At 15, you're most in love at like the three-week mark. A year. I'm going to give it another quarter of my life.

1:09:34 Clive Barker You can't really say, you know. What is love?

1:09:37 Adam You know what I love? I wish I could have done this to just one woman in my life. And these guys do it all the time. Another reason why I need to be gay. You got a big house, right? Yeah. I could shack up there. No. But I'm handy. And I know you gays need that.

1:09:57 Drew We got a handy man.

1:09:58 Adam Move on. You need me.

1:10:01 Drew No stop him.

1:10:02 Adam Okay listen. Here's what they do. It's very diabolical. They get with these women. They are a little bit older. This guy. Like what this guy did with Haley. He gets with, they get with these women and the women are in love with them. But the guys keep playing them and they keep kind of pushing them off and the women are scared to ask them for a commitment or demand anything or lay down any ground rules.

1:10:27 Clive Barker Because they know the guy will be out.

1:10:28 Adam Because the guy, they are going to scare the guy out. So they start talking themselves out of it. This is fun. I'm just having sex. This is great. The jury is still out. We've only been together for a year. I'll give him whatever he wants sexually. Hopefully I can keep him that way. And if I don't talk about the relationship or other people or anything like that, he'll stay. It's not what you want. You're not a man. Be honest with yourself. Thank you. Aaron.

1:10:57 Clive Barker Oh, he's sleeping.

1:10:57 Adam Oh, Aaron's asleep.

1:11:01 Drew That's sweet. That is so cute.

1:11:06 Adam I've said this many, many times. There's no greater tribute. You can pay a talk show host.

1:11:13 Drew I tell you, we must be galvanizing tonight. We must be the best.

1:11:18 Clive Barker Sintillating.

1:11:20 Drew Where is Dick Cavett when you need him?

1:11:22 Adam This is some of the best radio we've ever done.

1:11:24 Clive Barker But let's compare it with different sleeping patterns. Now, we can age and size Aaron just on his sleep pattern.

1:11:31 Drew Go then. Go what?

1:11:32 Clive Barker Yeah. Pre-puberty. Virgin.

1:11:36 Drew Stop.

1:11:37 Adam Yeah.

1:11:38 Clive Barker And we're going about 120, 130.

1:11:43 Drew He's dreaming.

1:11:43 Clive Barker What did you say?

1:11:44 Adam Yeah.

1:11:45 Clive Barker They want 40.

1:11:45 Adam Yeah. With a birthmark on his rear end. Aaron had a question for Clive. Oh. Wants to know about what you put into making the video.

1:11:57 Clive Barker How much time?

1:11:58 Adam How much time?

1:11:59 Drew Which video?

1:12:00 Adam I don't know. He's asleep.

1:12:02 Drew You know what? If he wakes up, he can ask me later.

1:12:04 Adam All right. We'll put Aaron back on hold. And don't wake him up. We want to get back to him.

1:12:10 Drew No, it's nice. It's really nice. You know, maybe he's hearing our voices in a dream state, you know?

1:12:17 Clive Barker But I like that he could breathe patently through his nose without making a noise, just moving air.

1:12:26 Drew It's like 2001, isn't it?

1:12:28 Adam Logic would suggest that if we can hear him, he should be able to hear us.

1:12:32 Clive Barker Yeah, but he's asleep.

1:12:33 Drew Yeah, but even so, he can hear us.

1:12:36 Adam Yeah, I know he's asleep, but you can hear voices. You work them in your dream.

1:12:40 Drew But that's what I'm saying. Maybe he's just working.

1:12:42 Clive Barker Maybe he's dreaming in the dreams. In the first hour of sleep, you can get pretty deep fast and not hear stuff.

1:12:47 Drew Is this REM sleep now?

1:12:48 Clive Barker Not REM sleep. No, it's a deeper phase.

1:12:50 Adam All right. Oh, there's deeper than REM?

1:12:52 Clive Barker REM is sort of a light phase, actually.

1:12:53 Drew Is it really? I never knew that.

1:12:54 Clive Barker Well, it's sort of a different phase.

1:12:56 Adam You always hear about the object of sleep.

1:12:58 Clive Barker It's restorative phase. It's restorative. It comes after the deep, if I remember right.

1:13:01 Adam Oh, really? So, it's deeper and then the REM.

1:13:03 Drew So, you go deep first and then you get REM sleep and then, wow.

1:13:07 Clive Barker And then you cycle it out.

1:13:08 Adam And there's more rest, more rejuvenation in the REM than there is in the deeper, perhaps.

1:13:14 Clive Barker And the reason you and I get sleep-deprived and we feel like crap the next day is we spend all our time in deep sleep because we're so sleep-deprived.

1:13:20 Drew You actually said something.

1:13:21 Clive Barker We don't move around much.

1:13:23 Drew You said sleep-deprived, which I like.

1:13:27 Adam Well, that's sleep deprivation.

1:13:29 Drew Do you get sleep-deprived seriously?

1:13:32 Adam Yeah, it's all he does.

1:13:34 Drew Really? And he was a doctor and you should know better.

1:13:37 Clive Barker For years.

1:13:38 Adam Well, he's a doctor. He gets up and goes to see his old Jew patients every morning.

1:13:42 Caller Stop that now.

1:13:43 Adam It's true.

1:13:43 Caller It's true.

1:13:44 Adam It's all he sees exclusively, old Jews. Alright, we're going to end the gaze. We'll take a break. Clive Barker is here and we'll be back after this.

1:13:54 Caller Love Line, Love Line, 1-800-LOVE-191, we'll be right back.

1:14:32 Adam Hey, everybody, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's my good partner over there, Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Jimmy Kimmel, the man I wish I could be gay for, is coming in tomorrow night. My life partner.

1:14:46 Drew You said that was me.

1:14:48 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:14:49 Drew You just changed.

1:14:50 Clive Barker No, Jimmy is his life partner though.

1:14:53 Adam He wishes he could be gay for you, but here's what I'd like to do with Clive. Clive has himself a couple of houses. He's really built himself a small empire here. He's a genius because he works out of his house. You have an office, you do your writing and everything.

1:15:09 Clive Barker Yeah.

1:15:10 Adam He writes 1,500 pages every day. Then it's six hours on the treadmill. He's very disciplined.

1:15:17 Drew I am very disciplined.

1:15:19 Adam I know three houses take a lot of upkeep and I'm handy.

1:15:22 Drew You keep going back to this handy thing, but you see, I think the handiest thing, you're the handy, you're handy with your mouth. Let's be honest, that's the thing you're handy with. You don't understand.

1:15:32 Clive Barker Well, he could show you that too.

1:15:34 Adam But Clive Barker, when he tells you you're handy with your mouth.

1:15:37 Drew No, no, no, don't even go.

1:15:39 Adam No, I see.

1:15:40 Clive Barker No, no, he was way handier with his hands than he-

1:15:42 Adam I'm a much better carpenter than I am a talk show host.

1:15:45 Drew A talker, is that true?

1:15:46 Adam Yes, absolutely.

1:15:47 Drew Then you're basically doing the wrong thing. Is that what you're saying?

1:15:50 Adam I am, except for one thing, you can be sort of mediocre at and make a million dollars at, right, and the other one you can be very good at and make $32,000 a year.

1:16:01 Drew What do you build? What have you built of late?

1:16:04 Adam Oh, cabinets, do a lot of cabinets lately.

1:16:07 Drew You do a good cabinet for you?

1:16:08 Adam Yeah.

1:16:08 Clive Barker You build two houses?

1:16:10 Adam Yeah, it's custom houses.

1:16:12 Drew Wow, wow, seriously.

1:16:13 Adam Yeah, yeah, you know.

1:16:15 Clive Barker That was what he did before he did.

1:16:15 Adam Baseboard and casing. I do rough stuff too, but mainly finish work, you know. Hang a door, make a little custom furniture.

1:16:24 Drew And that gives you great pleasure, yeah?

1:16:26 Adam Yes, I do enjoy that. It's tangible.

1:16:29 Drew Yeah, you know, Harrison Ford does that, right? Harrison Ford's big thing when he gets out of the movie madness is to do carpentry. And apparently he's amazing, amazing with that.

1:16:43 Adam Well, it is, like I said, it's tangible. Whereas this is just, to me, air, just words that go floating off into the space.

1:16:51 Drew Well, yeah, except you're having all kinds of effects that you are not having if you hang a door.

1:16:57 Adam Right, but I never get to really see them or experience them.

1:17:00 Drew You know, but we're in a parallel situation. I write a book, I send it out into the world. Most of the people who read my book, I will never meet. I take it on faith that the things that I am saying in my book, hopefully good things, hopefully things which will make people feel better about their lives rather than worse, are genuinely affecting people. And you have to, both of you have to take it on faith that you are leaving the world a little better at the end of this two hours than worse, right?

1:17:33 Adam Yeah, although we tend not to want to dwell on the positive aspects of our jobs, we would rather complain about the negative. Okay, but let me give, but I do appreciate you saying that. And let me give a plug for Clive. You can find him at Meltdown Comics and Collectibles. And that is this Saturday, 3 o'clock. It's on Sunset Boulevard and it's in Hollywood. And the number for that would be 323-851-7223. And Clive will be signing these marvelous figurines that he has gotten together with Todd McCormick.

1:18:08 Drew My Tortured Souls, Todd McFarlane.

1:18:11 Adam Oh, McFarlane. I'm sorry.

1:18:13 Drew Yeah.

1:18:13 Adam Don't worry. I don't know where McFarlane came out. Aaron? Aaron's sleeping. Oh, yeah. That's right. I'm going to check back with him now.

1:18:19 Drew He's quiet though. He may have left.

1:18:23 Adam Oh, he's back.

1:18:28 Clive Barker Is it him a little snoring?

1:18:29 Adam Aaron is 13. He's been snoring. Oh, there it is again. So we're going to do what we always do when someone falls asleep. We just check back with them periodically.

1:18:36 Drew Just in case he wakes up.

1:18:38 Adam Yeah, just we hope he doesn't. It's sort of entertaining. Tiffany, you're 15.

1:18:44 Clive Barker Yeah.

1:18:44 Adam What's up?

1:18:45 Clive Barker Okay. I was with this guy for a really long time. He's older than I am. I was 13. He was 16 when we got together. He cheated on me.

1:18:56 Adam Oh, did she hang up?

1:18:59 Clive Barker Yeah.

1:19:00 Adam Now, Drew, tell us how long Tiffany has been on hold.

1:19:04 Clive Barker 96 minutes.

1:19:05 Drew Oh, man.

1:19:06 Adam 96 minutes. And Tiffany was on the air for 14 seconds.

1:19:13 Drew 13 seconds.

1:19:14 Adam Yeah.

1:19:14 Clive Barker Or mom walked in and said, What the hell are you doing here?

1:19:17 Adam So here's what I love about life. She's sitting there. I'm sure mom never entered the room in the hour and a half she was on hold. But 14 seconds after she got going, mom walked in.

1:19:30 Drew Oh, man. Life sucks sometimes. Yes. Yes, it can. Can we be any use to Tiffany in the abstract?

1:19:36 Clive Barker Well, I don't want to spill too much in case Tiffany's mom is listening.

1:19:42 Clive Barker Let's just say she's still in love with her first love. And he has sort of, the relationship was broken up, but she's agreed to continue in sort of some physical contact with him.

1:19:52 Adam Sort of a maintenance type relationship.

1:19:54 Clive Barker A service relationship.

1:19:55 Adam Service agreement.

1:19:56 Clive Barker And she doesn't understand that, as many of the young women don't, that guys can just do that, and they're very happy with that.

1:20:03 Adam Right.

1:20:04 Clive Barker But they are not in a relationship.

1:20:05 Adam How can he not have feelings for me if he's coming over and being intimate with me?

1:20:09 Drew Because men are pigs.

1:20:11 Adam They certainly are able to do that.

1:20:13 Clive Barker And you know what? It's not even that men are pigs. That's the way we're wired. We're just wired this way.

1:20:17 Drew We're wired as pigs.

1:20:18 Clive Barker Right. Without even putting a value judgment on it, just women have to accept that is in fact how they're wired without having feelings.

1:20:26 Drew Do we really know that?

1:20:28 Clive Barker Yes. We're so different.

1:20:31 Drew Yes. Look, I grant you we're different, but if the wiring is like that and you've got, let's say, two guys in a relationship as you've got with David and myself, six years together, monogamous, why isn't all the wiring just going crazy?

1:20:53 Clive Barker We're talking about young males.

1:20:57 Drew Well, David is actually much younger than I am.

1:20:59 Clive Barker But young males tend to have this, and not that men can't have in a relationship, they can.

1:21:04 Adam I also, I got to say, I was looking through the glass when he said monogamous and David started laughing his ass off. That's maybe something for you guys to get into on the ride home, I don't know.

1:21:15 Drew He is in so much trouble. I don't even know where to begin.

1:21:22 Adam Yeah, he is really laughing it off.

1:21:24 Clive Barker Listen, men are quite capable of being very involved in relationships, but when they are in a situation like the one that Tiffany finds herself, men are also quite capable of that.

1:21:34 Adam Not at 17.

1:21:36 Clive Barker Yeah.

1:21:36 Adam You're 24, what's up?

1:21:39 Clive Barker I am. My question is actually for Dr. Drew. I am currently on Prozac and I was wondering what your thoughts were about that compared to Wellbutrin or Zoloft.

1:21:51 Clive Barker I don't understand why you'd be asking a question like that. You have somebody who's taken care of you, who's done an assessment, chosen this as an antidepressant for your syndrome. It's different medicines for different conditions. I don't understand what you're asking.

1:22:07 Clive Barker Well, to be honest, I was on it when I was on high school and I could tell I was getting back into depression pretty deep. And so I suggested it to my doctor.

1:22:20 Clive Barker Okay, well then you ought to see a psychiatrist to be evaluated to make sure you have an accurate diagnosis to make sure there isn't a bipolar condition here, to make sure this indeed is in fact a recurrent major depression. But all the antidepressants are equally efficacious, but the side effect profile of the kinds of symptoms that they tend to remit are different depending on which medicine you choose.

1:22:39 Adam Well, what about this? If some people are involved with HMOs, and they might give out something that's a little cheaper, a little more readily available, may not be quite as effective.

1:22:49 Clive Barker Prozac is an extremely powerful antidepressant. Side effects are different than Zoloft. Wellbutrin is very different. Wellbutrin doesn't have any of the sexual side effects that Prozac has.

1:22:57 Adam Alright, so Ann?

1:22:59 Clive Barker Yeah.

1:22:59 Adam You got to get with the psychiatrist and see if you can hammer something out.

1:23:03 Clive Barker Okay.

1:23:04 Adam Alright, baby.

1:23:05 Clive Barker Thank you.

1:23:06 Adam Good times, though, right?

1:23:08 Clive Barker Of course.

1:23:08 Adam Alright, let's talk to... Oh, wait a minute here, Drew. You don't want to take a line for you?

1:23:16 Clive Barker It's not up here. It's not on hold.

1:23:18 Adam Alright, what do you want to go? Six. Sage?

1:23:22 Caller Yes?

1:23:22 Adam You're thirty?

1:23:23 Caller Yes.

1:23:24 Adam Did you call the show before?

1:23:25 Caller Man, you remembered. My phone's dying, too. I just want to say that Clive Barker's books are great.

1:23:32 Drew Well, thank you.

1:23:32 Caller If you want to trip out on drugs, they should trip out on Clive's books.

1:23:35 Drew Hey, I love that.

1:23:37 Caller My phone's going to die, though. I wish I could talk to you guys longer.

1:23:40 Adam Well, you ask your question and listen on the radio.

1:23:43 Caller I just want to know what Clive's inspiration was for Damnation Game.

1:23:48 Drew Okay.

1:23:49 Caller And my phone will probably die, but I'll be listening.

1:23:51 Drew Will you be listening?

1:23:52 Adam Alright, I'm going to put you on hold and listen on the radio, alright? Okay, thank you.

1:23:56 Drew Take care, Sage. Firstly, thank you for the enthusiasm. We're making a movie of Damnation Game over at Warner Brothers.

1:24:04 Adam Oh, really?

1:24:06 Drew But Damnation Game is a Faust story, and Faust is one of the great stories of literature. It's been told a thousand times because there's something essential about the idea that we have to make a deal with the devil to get the best out of life. I think we all have made deals. And I think the thing that touches me about the Faust story is listen, here's how you're making the deal with the devil. You guys need sleep.

1:24:48 Clive Barker Funny, when Clive looks at me, he immediately thinks about that.

1:24:50 Drew I do, I look at you and I think man this man is working so damn hard he can barely stay awake. And the deal with the devil is he is after fame and fame and whatever you're after. I don't know what you're after. How can I say? But there you are so dead on your feet. And I do the same thing. I mean what I'm saying is the devil is inside us all. It's what we desire and Lord knows it's the worst thing if we get it. Because actually all three of us sitting in this room have got something we desired and there is a payment for that, right? Yeah. Am I? A cost. A cost, a price and the price can be relationships, the price can be exhaustion, the price can be all kinds of things and one of the things that attracts me about stories is that good stories are universally applicable. You can take a story and it can apply in a different way to each one of us in this room. The Faust story is one of those stories.

1:26:03 Adam When does this movie come out?

1:26:07 Drew It's being written as we speak, so it will probably go before the cameras next year. A big movie.

1:26:14 Adam How much work? I know it's hard to quantify this, but you write a book and then somebody turns it into a screenplay.

1:26:21 Drew Yeah, I'm producing in this case, so I'm co-producing in this case. My company is producing the thing with Warner, so we've got a lot of controls. I love this book and I love the writer, John Heffernan, who's writing the thing. I have huge respect for him, so I'm feeling very comfortable about it.

1:26:44 Adam When you do that, when you take a novel and you turn it into a screenplay, what's the process? Obviously, you first read the book and then you start breaking it down?

1:26:54 Drew Well, you take stuff out. In the case of Damnation Game, you choose the threads of the story that you want to tell and you choose what you're going to throw out. It can be a heartbreaking business if the book is huge, but luckily, Damnation Game isn't. It's a modestly scaled book, so we haven't had to lose too much.

1:27:16 Adam What is the translation between your average script is, let's say, a hundred and ten pages, or maybe a hundred and twenty pages?

1:27:26 Drew Yeah, think a minute a page.

1:27:27 Adam Right. So, when you have a book, it's obviously going to be more than a hundred and twenty pages, but what is a good translation to not cut out a bunch of stuff? Is it three hundred pages?

1:27:39 Drew No, I think it's even shorter than that. I think when I did Thief of Always, which is probably a two hundred page book, you know, you don't have to cut anything out of that. So, a two hundred page book, you could probably turn into a movie with, you know, without losing anything. But once you get up to three hundred pages, four hundred pages, you've just got to know that a movie, movies and books are completely different things, and the way we experience them are different. I love movies, but nothing's ever going to change my or take my heart away from books. My real joy in terms of art is books and paintings. And movies, yes, sure, I enjoy them, but they go in one eye out the other. And you know, we don't get a great number of movies. I saw an amazing movie two nights ago, a movie called Bully, which Larry Clark directed. It's an amazing movie.

1:28:42 Adam What is that? What is that about?

1:28:43 Drew It's a movie based on True Story about a bunch of young kids in Florida who murdered a bully in the community and just didn't care to hoots about what they've done. And it's an intense movie.

1:29:03 Adam It's a true story.

1:29:04 Drew It's a true story. And I came out of it thinking, wow, feeling very protective towards my daughter and feeling like I needed to think really hard about the way our culture is going. Because this movie really impressed me because I felt as though I was in the world. You know?

1:29:24 Adam Yeah. They can be impactful. It's just they're normally not.

1:29:28 Drew No. Right.

1:29:29 Adam They're about meteors impacting the planet. We'll take a little break. Clive Barker is our guest tonight and we'll be right back after this.

1:29:40 Caller Hello, this is Loveline, one and every love one nine one.

1:29:44 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:30:06 Adam Okay, it is Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla, that is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, oh, forget about that phone number. Here's a phone number that you should check out if you're in the LA area, 323-851-7223, and that's where you can find Clive Barker this Saturday at 3 o'clock with these amazing Tortured Souls figurines. And look, I'm telling you, if you guys wanna go down and check these things out and give me a call back Sunday night, I dare you.

1:30:38 Caller I really do.

1:30:40 Adam And I really mean this is not hype. You will look at these things, you'll say they're incredible. I absolutely mean that. So again, this Saturday in Hollywood at Meltdown Comics. And let's see if we can get through a few more calls here. Heather?

1:30:57 Clive Barker Hi.

1:30:57 Adam You're 18?

1:30:58 Clive Barker Yeah.

1:30:59 Caller What's up?

1:31:00 Clive Barker Well, actually, Adam, I first I wanted to say that I'm totally in love with you.

1:31:07 Adam Oh, thanks.

1:31:08 Clive Barker And-

1:31:11 Caller Drew, please.

1:31:13 Clive Barker And-

1:31:13 Clive Barker I'm just looking at the figurines, I'm sorry.

1:31:15 Clive Barker That one girl that called earlier who, you know, was a bogus call and she said she was totally in love with you also, but couldn't give you any answers on what you were into.

1:31:23 Clive Barker Oh, you challenged, you want Adam to challenge you.

1:31:25 Drew Love challenge.

1:31:27 Adam Yeah. All right. You want me to give you an Adam quiz?

1:31:31 Clive Barker Well, I'll just tell you like what your hobbies are.

1:31:33 Adam All right. Go ahead.

1:31:35 Clive Barker Right. Well, masturbating and napping, of course.

1:31:37 Adam All right. That's done. Now, let's talk about, yeah, what other hobbies?

1:31:42 Clive Barker You like to fly a model airplane.

1:31:43 Caller Yeah.

1:31:45 Clive Barker And-

1:31:46 Clive Barker Aren't you embarrassed, ashamed of yourself?

1:31:48 Adam It's more painful when you hear it back from somebody else.

1:31:50 Clive Barker Yeah.

1:31:51 Adam And what was I before I was a radio host?

1:31:55 Clive Barker You were a carpenter.

1:31:57 Adam And what else?

1:31:58 Clive Barker You taught boxing.

1:31:59 Adam There you go.

1:32:00 Clive Barker You played carpet.

1:32:01 Adam That's right. Well, Heather, you got it all right. All right. So now your problem and dilemma is?

1:32:08 Clive Barker Well, actually, you say not to say this at the beginning, but I made it up.

1:32:13 Adam Oh, really?

1:32:13 Clive Barker I just wanted to challenge that girl.

1:32:15 Adam Want to heap some praise on Adam? Well, that's fine.

1:32:17 Clive Barker Yeah.

1:32:17 Adam God bless you. Take care of you little liar.

1:32:20 Clive Barker We have some else.

1:32:21 Clive Barker And also, are you guys ever going to have Gunnar and Matthew Nelson back on there?

1:32:26 Clive Barker Wow.

1:32:26 Adam Yeah, Nelson. We had Nelson on about three, four years ago and I had a horribly humiliating experience when they came on. Do you remember that?

1:32:39 Clive Barker Yeah, I do.

1:32:40 Drew What happened?

1:32:41 Clive Barker I remember hearing the show, but I can't remember anything about it.

1:32:44 Clive Barker We played it. We played it for them.

1:32:46 Adam Here's what happened. Nelson, the two blonde twins, Ricky Nelson's sons came in here. They came in here a couple of nights after a couple of crazy Playboy twins who came in here. For some reason, one of them had dated one of the Nelsons. We were saying, well, you should hear this clip of them talking about you. I used to, wait, watch the S word there.

1:33:16 Caller Sorry, sorry. Oh, heck. Right, there you go.

1:33:19 Adam She was saying I used to date one of the Nelsons and this and that and the other. We thought we'd play it back. But the part I forgot about when we were playing it back for Nelson, which was me saying, you're dating one of those losers?

1:33:35 Clive Barker The last thing they did.

1:33:36 Adam Yeah, they haven't been around since Stonewashed Jeans. What the hell are those two blonde F'ers up to?

1:33:44 Caller I haven't even seen them.

1:33:45 Clive Barker You said something even more dull. I can't remember what it was. It was something very dull.

1:33:48 Adam Ah, their career is over. What are you doing with that dead weight? There's me and my voice being repeated back into my head while the two guys are sitting where you're sitting.

1:33:57 Drew And what's the response?

1:33:59 Clive Barker The total gentleman.

1:34:00 Adam It wasn't violent, but they just sat there. I did a little quick back battling, but it was very humiliating.

1:34:07 Clive Barker Their total gentleman made him more ashamed.

1:34:09 Drew Yes. That's right.

1:34:11 Adam They're very nice guys. Tom?

1:34:14 Caller Yeah, I was wondering about online relationships, how you feel about meeting people online. And I'll say also that you do a really good job. There's a lot of white trash and a lot of people out there who are really messed up and you Tom?

1:34:30 Adam That's our number one demo. Let's not make fun of that.

1:34:33 Clive Barker Tom, random hooking up online or some of what you call a service that you apply to?

1:34:38 Caller Random hooking up online.

1:34:39 Clive Barker Yeah, that's usually a disaster. It's relationships built on fantasy and, you know, the per...

1:34:46 Adam But isn't it a way, isn't it an easy way out for guys who aren't as socially skilled as a lot of other 19-year-old guys? And wouldn't you have taken that easy road had you had the opportunity at 19?

1:35:00 Caller Oh, sure.

1:35:01 Adam So, Tom? Yeah. It can work. But in a way, I think you kind of soften yourself, because it's an important thing to be able to go out and meet people, especially as a 19-year-old guy, and to sort of utilize this technology to sort of circumnavigate this, or circumvent this, it softens you.

1:35:24 Clive Barker You don't develop the skills you need to accommodate normal social situations.

1:35:30 Caller Yeah, I mean, we're going to see each other next summer, like we might live together and stuff, so I gotta make sure.

1:35:35 Adam Oh, but see, that's the other thing.

1:35:36 Clive Barker That's all, yeah.

1:35:37 Adam You start talking about moving in, and when you're going to name your kids, and you haven't even met them.

1:35:41 Clive Barker Yeah, that's nonsense.

1:35:42 Drew Have you met the young lady in question?

1:35:45 Caller Not yet. We're going to meet in September.

1:35:47 Clive Barker That's total nonsense.

1:35:49 Drew Yeah, you see, you can't talk about it. How can you talk about moving in with somebody when you haven't even, you know, there's lots of things that happen when you're with a human being that are chemical, there are things about stuff that's in the air between you, there's literally chemicals passing between two human beings when they're in a room together. Am I right?

1:36:11 Adam Yeah, that's why what happened, that's how AIDS got started. All right, sorry.

1:36:16 Drew Okay, go ahead.

1:36:17 Adam Hepatitis, hepatitis.

1:36:18 Drew No, I'm talking about pheromones, and I'm talking about the magic of attraction, and it can't happen through a mechanical means.

1:36:31 Adam So the question for Tom is, does he want to live in reality, which is him home spanking it three times a day and crying himself to sleep, or does he want to have this fantasy person who's the light at the end of his tunnel, which isn't reality, but yet it's better than his reality?

1:36:45 Drew Well, I think that's an extreme posture.

1:36:47 Adam Well, that's my job.

1:36:49 Drew Yeah, all right, so I'm going to offer you a counter posture. You know, you spank it twice and you go out at night.

1:36:56 Adam All right. How about that? Tom? Yeah. I understand you feel good about this, but you cannot put all your eggs in this basket.

1:37:07 Clive Barker You can't weave a fantasy.

1:37:09 Adam Right.

1:37:10 Clive Barker You've got to have a relationship in reality. You have to get those online relationships off the web into reality as quickly as possible.

1:37:15 Adam And the reason there's so much energy for this mystery woman is because there's such a void in the everyday life of Tom. And that's what you need to focus on. And we're going to take a break.

1:37:28 Caller Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, back in a minute.

1:38:03 Adam All right. Surreal now, because this doesn't feel like the real ending of the show. It's a long story. I want to thank Clive Barker for coming in here, and I want to give him one more plug.

1:38:15 Drew Thank you.

1:38:16 Adam Meltdown Comics, everybody.

1:38:18 Clive Barker Clive is one of our favorite guests.

1:38:19 Adam He is. And I wish we would not go so long in between visits.

1:38:24 Drew Well, you know what? We won't in the future. I've got a new novel coming out in two months time. Do you want me back?

1:38:30 Clive Barker Yeah, absolutely.

1:38:32 Drew Sylvia, my publicist is out there. My publicist is out there.

1:38:35 Clive Barker It's out there the whole show.

1:38:36 Drew You know?

1:38:36 Adam Yeah, you rarely see that. She's one of the few good publicists.

1:38:40 Clive Barker I have to mention real quick, I'm going to be chatting at 5 p.m. at drdrew.com in the Sex Chat Room, 5 p.m. Pacific Time on Friday. So put that down if you want to get in touch with us if you couldn't get through on Loveline.

1:38:50 Adam All right. And again, Clive can be found this Saturday, 3 o'clock at Meltdown Comics on Sunset Boulevard. Just call information, get Meltdown Comics. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:39:06 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Wednesday, July 11, 2001