Episode 1000754886996

1:12 Adam Hey everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. That is not Dr. Drew, this is Dr. Ben. Dr. Ben is a O-G-B-Y-N. He is a gynecologist too. Do you have, can you be both or neither?

1:28 Drew Actually, usually are both.

1:30 Adam Yeah, you have to be.

1:31 Drew Kind of both.

1:32 Adam If you're an O-G-B-Y-N, you're a gynecologist too?

1:35 Drew Right, you're an obstetrician and a gynecologist.

1:36 Adam Because the G-Y-N is the gyne part. I've always been curious about how that works because first off, what other way do they- I'm trying to think of other examples where they lay out all the letters that way, in that way. I mean, USA is United States of America, but you got the first two letters and then the following three. It's always a little confusing to me. You see what I'm saying?

2:04 Drew I think I see what you're saying. But if you know where those letters are coming from, then it's not so confusing to you. I feel very comfortable with them.

2:10 Adam The OB is obstetrics and the GYN or the GYN is gynecology.

2:16 Drew Right.

2:17 Adam And that is his specialty and that's going to be our specialty tonight. I mean, we'll take some of the regular calls, but we're going to pretty much stick to the vagina tonight. And we may stray into the penis or scrotum, but we're going to try to really focus and hunker down on the vagina. Dr. Ben is board certified, qualified, and has seen many of vagina. He was producer Anne's gynecologist, right? Or obstetrics? What's the difference? What's obstetrics?

2:48 Drew Obstetrics is more the caring of women who are pregnant, and gynecology falls into the realm of them not being pregnant.

2:54 Adam Right. And you saw the ultrasound of her twins and the whole thing.

2:59 Drew I actually was taking care of her right up to the delivery, and then I had to go on a trip and my partner delivered Anne. But I got to see those twins on ultrasound many a times.

3:07 Adam How courageous of you. Stay with her to the very end, and then go to Cancun as she was screaming in pain in a hospital bed. You're a dynamite individual. Speaking of, all right, so that's what we're going to be talking about. So line up those questions tonight, and like I said, we'll work in some of our other calls. But we're going to talk about new forms of contraception and STDs, pregnancy and all that stuff, because Dr. Ben really knows his way around the vagina. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. And just on a personal note, I must say, I didn't share this with people last night, but I flew in from Montreal last night, and I flew in through Toronto. $1,100 plane ticket, by the way, one way with a layover in Toronto, $1,100 bucks out of my own goddamn pocket. And guess what movie they were playing on my $1,100 flight from Toronto? Air Bud 3. This time the dog's playing... Yeah, he's playing soccer. Soccer. Goddamn soccer. First off, no one likes soccer, except for... I don't even think Canadians like soccer, so I don't know what their excuse is. Air Bud 3. They're playing on my $1,100 plane ticket, and I'm thinking... I'm looking around in the first-class cabin, or the business cabin, as they have in there in Air Canada. They don't have a first-class. They just have the business class and then the coach. To me, I wish they'd call coach first-class, because I could feel better about myself. I'm not coach. I'm sorry. The business class first-class, but that's another subject. I'm looking around. There's no one under 50, and they're all watching Air Bud 3. They're watching a Labrador Kick Soccer Goals, essentially, and Young Love Blossom between 11-year-olds. I look in the back of the plane. Out of the 220 people on the plane, there are four people under the age of 26. Air Bud 3, everybody. At what point can you sue an airline? By the way, at a certain point, if anyone's listening from airlines, look, if you're out of material, just run some old Hitchcock film. Run The Birds, run The Shining. You know, run Rocky 1 or something. Just run something.

5:28 Drew They had the wrong demos on that flight.

5:31 Adam Yeah. How many folks fly in the middle of the week from Toronto to LA are under 12? They should really look in the Air Bud 3, everyone. The dog is playing soccer now. And don't you have to eliminate the word air eventually if the dog is no longer playing basketball?

5:48 Drew That might be a product placement issue, Adam. I'm not sure about that.

5:52 Adam Well, you stick to the vagina, so I'll stick to the movie industry. Ironically, the dog that played Air Bud in the movie five years ago had to have its leg amputated. Did you know about that?

6:03 Drew Yeah.

6:03 Adam True story. But sort of-

6:05 Drew No more soccer for that?

6:07 Adam No. This one played basketball. That was probably a cinematic triumph compared to the piece of ass I had to see. Soccer, for Christ's sake. Janet?

6:19 Hi.

6:19 Adam You're 22. What's up?

6:21 Caller Hi Dr. Ben. Hi Adam.

6:22 Drew Hi Janet.

6:23 Caller This is my deal. I've been on the pill for about five years. I'm taking Orthonova 135 and taking it every day, five years, same time during the day. I've been spotting. I've been nauseous. I've had some diarrhea and I'm spotting. I've been spotting for the past five days, I think. And I'm only a week into my pills.

6:48 Drew Okay. Tell me a little bit about any other medications that you've been on recently, specifically antibiotics.

6:52 Caller Nothing.

6:53 Drew And as far as any other medical problems, anything else? Have you been pretty healthy otherwise?

7:00 Caller I mean, I smoke cigarettes and I do have a history of depression, but that's about it. I was on Paxil. I haven't been taking it probably for the past year. My psychiatrist or whatever advised me not to. I didn't take it anymore. I was feeling fine. And that's about it. Nothing right now. Nothing at all.

7:20 Drew Okay. So first of all, the easiest thing to do about that is just to go ahead and take a home pregnancy test. It's just as good as anything that we would do for you in the office. And you're right. Any abnormal bleeding, even on the pill, the first thing we'd like to make sure of is that we're not dealing with a pregnancy. Once we find out that you're not actually pregnant, there's a couple of other things, Janet, that can cause the spotting and that can easily be evaluated in the office. For example, looking at your cervix, making sure that your pap smear, your last pap smear was normal.

7:48 Caller About six months ago, I went into Planned Parenthood, and I've had a lot of problems with Planned Parenthood, but luckily I have insurance now. I had an abnormal pap. I actually, about a year ago, I got TRICK, and I got that taken care of. My current boyfriend also got that taken care of. I don't know if he had it or not. He just took the medication, got it taken care of.

8:07 Drew Janet, just to explain to the listening audience, trichomonas is actually a sexually transmitted disease that can usually cause a pretty nasty discharge, and like any infection, can cause actually bleeding, which you're talking to me about.

8:23 Caller It was eight months ago.

8:24 Caller I'll tell you.

8:25 Adam I don't want to turn the show about myself, but thank God I beat off at about 8.45 before I came in here tonight, because this has just soured me. I cannot become sexual with myself when I get home.

8:37 Caller Everybody has something in San Diego. I'm lucky I got tricked.

8:40 Drew So you took care of that, Janet?

8:42 Caller Yes, I did.

8:43 Drew Okay.

8:43 Caller That was like almost a year ago.

8:45 Drew Okay. And tell me what's happened with your last pap smear. What was going on with that that made it abnormal? What did they tell you?

8:50 Caller It was six months ago. All they told me was that I had an infection. Something came up abnormal. Actually, the piece of paper said there was an infection. The nurse told me, my RN told me that it was something that didn't look serious. It looked like an infection and I had to go back for a repeat in six months, which is actually coming up now. I'm scheduled for August 6th.

9:11 Drew Okay. Again, I think you should see somebody soon. Specifically, with the spotting, once an examination is performed, the answer should be pretty simple. It might be just what's happening on your cervix right now, whether it's an infection that's still going on, whether it's an abnormality that has gotten more serious with time. My gynecologist needs to take a look at it and let you know what they are looking at and go from there. But in general, once you get the pregnancy test out of the way, as soon as you can get into a gynecologist, the next step would be to take a look at your cervix.

9:43 Adam Is the home pregnancy test as good as the one they give you the first time around in the office now?

9:49 Drew Yes, it's basically just as good. I mean, home pregnancy tests right now can detect the pregnancy even a day or two before you actually miss a period. It's pretty darn sensitive. So if you are about to come to your period, but you feel that you are pregnant, your home pregnancy test can detect it right about at that time. You don't have to wait until you actually miss a period for most of these tests.

10:10 Adam So they are more accurate than they were ten years ago?

10:13 Drew Absolutely.

10:14 Adam All right. And as far, you know, I had a question. Let's put this down on our list of things to talk about because I got some ovulation questions about what percentage of women do it at that, you know, I don't know, thirteen days after their period or whatever the hell it is. Drew can never seem to figure that one out. Jacob? You're 19? Yeah.

10:36 Caller How you guys doing?

10:37 Adam Good. What's up?

10:37 Drew Great, Jacob.

10:39 Caller Basically, the story goes that, I don't know. Well, I've done, today was the first time I've done in a long time, but today during my, you know, my, as Adam would say, my jack-off session, I actually used a Mach 3 shaver and stuck it up my butt.

10:55 Adam No, you did not.

10:57 Caller You're gay.

10:57 Adam Listen, we've all put-

10:59 Caller Anderson, how dare you?

11:00 Adam No, we've all put twin blades in our asses, but no one would dare put three blades up their ass.

11:06 Caller Not the shading side, mind you, just the thick end.

11:09 Adam Oh, well, that's different.

11:11 Drew Yeah, that's totally different.

11:12 Adam Yeah, okay, go ahead.

11:13 Caller Right, and the thing is, I got off on that and I'm kind of wondering, you know, the thing is, I'm totally hetero. Totally, you know, I got the Playboy, I got the porn and all that stuff. But I was just wondering.

11:24 Adam That's all it takes. I go out and spend 10 bucks on porn. You're straight now.

11:30 Caller But you know, when I'm watching the pornos and they show like a big hairy ass, I got to turn away and I feel like vomiting and stuff like that, you know? Yeah. I'm totally not into guys, but then I was just wondering, could there be hints of homosexual tendencies?

11:42 Adam No, no. Let me put you on hold because you're kind of an idiot. I'm scared you're going to talk while I'm talking, which is my sort of general approach to the show.

11:53 Drew I'm beginning to understand that.

11:56 Adam But a lot of guys like a little butt action, or at least a handful of heterosexual guys like a little butt action, and a certain percentage of women enjoy that too, heterosexual women. And so I'm guessing it might be about the same percentage. I mean, I never really thought about it, but if five percent of the female population enjoys a little play down there during the heterosexual act, I bet you about the same amount of men do it, and I don't think it makes them gay. It might even make them more heterosexual in a bizarre way, or at least just more sexual. Now Jacob, I'm not so sure about, but I do, I don't think that makes you gay. As a matter of fact, most of the gay guys we talk to end up just blowing guys. I don't know what the hell that's about. I don't know why you bother being gay if you're just going to blow guys, but that is what a large percentage of our gay callers say.

12:54 Eric?

12:55 Hello?

12:55 Adam You're 22?

12:57 Caller Yeah. Hey, Adam, you are so funny, oh my god. You are the funniest guy in the history of TV and radio, man. Oh my god. I watch you on The Man Show. I've been listening to you since I was like 16. Oh man. You are really super funny. Actually, it's my second time calling.

13:14 Adam Great. What's your question there?

13:18 Caller My first question is that my girlfriend, she's got a, I think she, well she says she has a general warts and she said that she had a certain operation done, like it involved a laser beam or some kind of a laser.

13:30 Drew Right.

13:31 Caller And she said that once she got that done, they didn't come back. But then now that she's here in the US. So by a week, two weeks after she arrived, she's gotten them back. So I don't know.

13:44 Adam Where is she from?

13:45 Caller She's actually from France.

13:46 Adam Oh yeah. And she picked them up now that she's been in the state for two weeks? She got them again?

13:51 Caller No, I don't think so. I think this is just a second occurrence.

13:54 Adam Yeah.

13:54 Caller Because I picked her. I know.

13:55 Adam Yeah. Well, because warts, at least, okay, there's something else to talk to Dr. Ben about. What about this wart virus? Does some burn themselves out, some stay around forever? Do we not really know?

14:06 Drew All right. These are all good questions. Basically, warts are caused by the human papillomavirus. Most genital warts, while there are over 20 different subtypes of the human papillomavirus, most genital warts are caused by two specific subtypes, and that's 6 and 11. Regardless of that, those are the types that are less likely, if anybody cares, about specifically causing cervical cancer, which for women, as you can imagine, is a very big deal. That's why women get pap smears once a year.

14:32 Adam So there's 20 varieties.

14:35 Drew Yes, over 20.

14:36 Adam And two are dangerous?

14:38 Drew Well, actually, those two are safe. So those two are the ones that are most likely to be seen in external genital warts, the one that Eric is asking us about. And the other subtypes, there are subtypes 16, 18, 31, 35. These are subtypes that are much more likely, once they are in the vagina, to cause cervical changes that are much more dangerous. These external genital warts in general have no real long-term kind of significance for people other than that they are there and they can be transmitted sexually from one person to the next.

15:11 Adam So the ones you can see are safer than the ones you can't see.

15:14 Drew In general, that is exactly right.

15:15 Adam Why do they go up? Why would they number 135 if it only goes to 20?

15:20 Drew That's a good question, Adam.

15:21 Adam What kind of thinking is that?

15:22 Drew That's a very good question.

15:23 Adam You better start raising your hand at those meetings. Question number one, why do we name one of the warts number 35 and we only go to 20?

15:31 Drew They must have skipped. They must have just gone all over the map and maybe threw a dart at a dartboard. I have no idea why.

15:37 Adam We'll bring that up at the next Vagina meeting.

15:40 Drew That's good. I like that.

15:42 Caller Adam, a few years ago, you were going on a hunch a few years ago about how real skinny guys are really into chubby, fat girls. I know that you were going on a hunch on that one.

15:55 Adam Well, yes, more often. You know what I think now? I think now you notice it.

16:00 Caller Yeah.

16:00 Adam So what I mean is when you see a fat girl and a really skinny guy, it really gets carved into your psyche. Like you go, oh my God, look at that. Look at Ichabod over there with tons of fun, right? But I don't think that they're with fat women more often. I think you know it when they are. It accentuates their skinniness. Yeah. If you're a 150-pound guy and you're standing next to a 350-pound woman, you look like you're 110 pounds.

16:28 Caller Yeah, maybe not.

16:29 Adam She looks like she's 750 pounds. All right. Don't worry about it, Eric. But she's got to take care of those warts.

16:34 Caller Yeah.

16:34 Drew Well, Eric, let me just finish this thought up as far as the genital warts are concerned. First of all, there are ways to get rid of the warts, but the virus most likely is always going to be in the vagina. So we don't have any good systemic therapy to get rid of the virus that's there. Every once in a while, she may have a wart. Sometimes people after one treatment, for example, with the laser, may never get the warts again. Sometimes they come back. Regardless, once she's had warts, she may always give them to you.

17:05 Adam And there's no way to test for that.

17:06 Drew Actually, there's no way to test for that. Even if we found the human papillomavirus in her, which we know is there because she's had warts before, there's nothing much Eric can do about it other than wear condoms. And there's some indirect evidence that maybe spermicides, nonoxynol 9, for example, may also be virucidal, so that may add more protection.

17:29 Adam This seems like something you guys should get to work on. Because so many people have this, and I hear Drew telling people night after night, look, you're just going to have to wear a condom. And they're like, hey, I'm going to be with this chick for the rest of my life. Wear a condom for another 45 years? It almost sounds unrealistic, in which case he says that, well, if you're going to get married, then go ahead and get them yourself. You're a guy, who cares? They'll keep you from cheating. But I mean, if the person hasn't had an outbreak, let's say they had an outbreak, and they had them burned off. And two years goes by with no outbreak. And I know you can't put a number to this, but how safe is it not to wear the condom at that point?

18:14 Drew You're actually just as infectious, most likely, when you have the genital warts out there for everybody to see and for a physician to take care of, as you are when you have not had them for two years and have had them burned off. In other words, the presence or absence of the virus externally, by way of the warts, does not necessarily mean that you're not infectious, even when you don't have warts out there.

18:36 Adam But some strains do burn themselves out, correct?

18:38 Drew Well, the human body, just like it would fight off any infection, will try to mount an anti-infectious attack against the virus that's in the vagina at all times, whether it's winning or not, is influenced by several factors. One thing that, for example, Eric's girlfriend can do is decrease smoking. Smoking, for example, has been shown to allow the virus to continue to multiply. The carbon monoxide and some of the other chemicals that are in cigarette smoke actually show up in the cervix about a half hour after the first puff, and they are known to decrease the body's immune system and allow the virus to continue to divide. It's also been shown that women, for example, who continue smoking actually have persistent genital warts in a much higher, to a much higher degree than women, for example, who do not smoke.

19:20 Adam I'll tell you, I can second that because I once smoked a Virginia Slim through a Hooker's vagina. I actually mounted a vagina like a bong. She put the cigarette in her mouth and laid down her back, and I saw it go down. I mean, I sucked that thing right out of her.

19:36 Drew Wow.

19:36 Yeah.

19:38 Drew You're a man of many talents. I thought it was just the man show, and here you are.

19:40 Adam No, no.

19:41 Drew There's so many things.

19:42 Adam Smoked the Hooker's vagina like a bong. Virginia Slim. You've come a long way, baby. Wow. But listen, you guys, and I don't want to bust your chops too much here, but I do like all doctors to get to work, essentially. This virus is present. Yeah. It's always present.

20:02 That's right.

20:03 Adam You guys can't detect it?

20:05 Drew Well, we can detect it. We know, for example, I can put a swab in the vagina, send it off for HPV testing, and I will not only know whether it's there or not, I will know what of the 20-plus subtypes it is.

20:16 Adam Yeah, it could be number 35 of the 20-plus subtypes.

20:19 Drew But as far as what that means, until somebody actually gets consequences of that, it doesn't really matter.

20:25 Adam But I understand, but you can, like I said, let's say our last caller's girlfriend is not a smoker and she's got a good immune system growing, and it's been some time since her last breakout, a year from now you could check her and give her a clean bill of health.

20:40 Drew I will be able to give her a clean bill of health based on her not having any genital warts that one can see, and having a normal pap smear, and then she has essentially a clean bill of health, but it's probably safe to say that the virus is to some degree still in her vagina, and we do not yet have-

20:55 Adam That's what I'm talking, that's the part you're dancing around...

20:58 Drew .any medication that we can give her to get rid of that virus.

21:01 Adam But you also said it wouldn't come up on her pap smear.

21:04 Drew It won't necessarily come up on her pap smear. Many women have the virus and they never have an abnormal pap and never have the warts.

21:10 Adam That's what I'm saying, you need to be able to find it regardless of the abnormal pap. And number two, what about my crotch sniffing dogs?

21:19 Drew Do you have a crotch sniffing dog that can detect HPV?

21:23 Adam Listen, I've been crowing about this for five years and one day, like Da Vinci, I will be heralded as a savior and a sage. I have been saying for five years, dogs can smell a joint packed in coffee grounds and welded into a car fender on the Tijuana border. I bet they could smell something that was going wrong down there. And then, a few years later, I heard that they taught dogs to smell out skin cancer, which they can do now.

21:52 Drew I think I heard that too, Adam, I think you're onto something.

21:54 Adam Right, so if you got a dog that can sniff out skin cancer and can sniff out trace elements of gunpowder, of drugs, of contraband, they can teach them to sniff anything. It's not like they got a cocaine dog and a pot dog and a gunpowder dog. They teach a dog to sniff any dog to sniff anything. I've seen how they do it.

22:16 Drew You're proposing a guine dog, almost like airbud, but on the gynecology.

22:21 Adam Airbud for the guine dog. That I would have watched on that crappy plane. Put the nose right up in there and we'll just see what's going on. No probing, no feeling, no embarrassing, giggling doctors with funny light up party hats and big red noses and groucho glasses standing in front of them with the big wax lips like you guys like to do. Just the dignity of a dog sniffing their vagina and then reporting back to its trainers to what's going on down there. I'm telling you, they're going to do this. A dog could sniff in that area more than any other area in the human body when things go south, anything that goes south has its own funk to it. And we may not be able to smell it, but if a dog could smell weed packed in coffee grounds, a dog could pick up an abnormal cancer cell growing down there or some yeast or anything. They could do it. Start doing this. Spearhead this.

23:16 Drew Yeah. You know what? They called Edison a lunatic, so you might be onto something.

23:20 Adam I'm telling you, within our lifetime, they will be using dogs for this. They're already using them to sniff out skin cancer. Thank you. Okay, Dr. Ben, filling in for Dr. Drew, doing a great job.

23:31 Drew Thank you.

23:32 Adam Drew, if you're listening, don't bother coming back. We have had an ass full of you, and Dr. Ben, he's better his first day than you were after year number 15. So really, don't bother coming back. We're talking about- All right, okay. We're talking about gynecology tonight and anything else you may want to discuss. Hey, it's Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla, that is Dr. Ben. Built in for Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LLVE-191. Dr. Ben is a OBGYN, and he knows his way around the female part, so that's what we're going to focus on tonight. Although he's a doctor, and I'm sure if you had a question that wasn't too crazy, he could answer any of those. Hell, I could. I've been sitting here long enough.

25:00 Drew All right.

25:00 Adam Smarter than that Drew is, I'll tell you that right now. Dave?

25:06 Drew Dave's sleeping.

25:07 Adam Caller Dave?

25:08 Yo, how you doing?

25:09 Adam You're 21, what's up?

25:11 Caller Long time listener, first time caller. Adam, I just like to say you're like the funniest person on the planet.

25:16 Adam What? Thanks.

25:17 Caller I'm a big fan.

25:17 Adam Well, thank you.

25:18 Yeah.

25:20 Caller So anyway, my problem is that I'm a virgin, and I've had a couple of opportunities to have sex, but every time I'm about to write it to do the deed, I lose my erection. And I know it's not physiological because it's like harder to rock until that point. But then once I know the opportunity there, I kind of have a mental block, I think, and I want to know what could be causing this, how can I keep it from happening again? And is it normal?

25:47 Adam Mm-hmm. Is this the reason why you're virgin at 21?

25:53 Caller Yeah. I mean, I've had a couple of opportunities to change that, but unfortunately, I haven't been able to do the job in either one.

26:00 Adam Yeah. And so you get a little, you get nervous and after it happened for the first time, that's it. Now it's going to happen the second time and the hundredth time. Well, I don't want to put a curse on you, but for at least 80 more times. It's really, it's really the curse of the human psyche is if something bad happened the first time out, the likelihood of it happening the second time out are about a thousand times greater than they were even the first time out when it happened. And I don't know why you must torture yourself, but as it pertains to the penis, it always seems to work that way. Now you, you masturbate, right?

26:38 Caller Of course.

26:39 Adam And you have no difficulties there.

26:41 Caller Not at all.

26:42 Adam So it's all psychological.

26:44 Caller Yeah.

26:44 Adam But have you ever been in a relationship? I mean, have you ever been with one person for a while?

26:49 Caller I've never had a relationship last more than like a month. I mean, I don't, I'm not like a, I don't really do too well with the ladies. I would suppose you could say. But I have my hair a share of hookups.

26:59 But I never.

27:00 Adam Oh, he said hookups.

27:01 Drew Yeah, he said hookups.

27:02 Adam Yeah, I thought he said F-ups.

27:04 Caller Yeah.

27:04 Drew I thought he said hookers.

27:06 Adam Wait a minute. Did you say hookups?

27:07 Caller I said hookups. I didn't say hookers.

27:10 Caller Right.

27:12 Adam Ben thought you said hookers.

27:13 Caller I thought you said F-ups. So we can really twist.

27:17 Drew Is it the equipment here at Westwood One or is it?

27:19 Adam No, I think it's Dave's equipment that's failing us. All right, Dave. Yeah. What you need is you need to find yourself a relationship and work it out. Someone you don't have to be in love, but you have to get comfortable with this person. Yeah, you have to. I talk about this. I haven't spoken about it to Dr. Ben, but as guys, we all have that one girl who we, it's that break-in girl, she breaks us in. For some guys, most guys it happens at 17 or 18, but some guys, myself included, didn't happen until 21, 22. It's that first girl you try all the different positions with, you take a shower with, you walk around naked with, you fart in front of, you get comfortable with. If you just go from hook-up to hook-up to hook-up, you'll never break through that ceiling. Your penis will fail you, and then you'll move on to the next uncomfortable drunken experience. You need to have that girl where if your penis doesn't work, there's gonna be a second date. That's what he needs to find. He can't focus on the penis so much, because the more time he thinks about it, the worse it's gonna do. Get in a relationship, find some other girl who's, you know, not been around the block too many times, who's a little naive herself. You guys enjoy each other, get to know each other. And then, God willing, you bang the bejesus out of her with that honking rod of yours.

28:51 Drew Good advice, Adam.

28:51 Adam Right?

28:52 Drew Yeah, I think you're...

28:53 Adam Yeah, guys need that. Women don't need that. I mean, it's not bad for them, but they don't really need it. A woman could have a series of sexual experiences and not f up too much. She may not enjoy them quite as much as a guy who she's really worked things out with. But guys cannot perform sexually until they've worked out a little bit. You know what I mean? I mean, here's what I'm saying. Go ahead and agree with me or I'll throw your ass off the show.

29:23 Drew Okay. Let's see if I can.

29:25 Adam But go ahead. If a guy is with a hundred different women, but one time only, he ain't going to work it out as well as if he was with one woman a hundred times. Do you see what I'm saying?

29:41 Drew I think in general, I see what you're saying.

29:44 What are you saying?

29:46 Adam I'm saying that if you go from hook up to hook up to hook up, you never get a chance to work it out as a guy. Because the nerves are going, you're not comfortable, you're trying to figure out, you're spending all your energy trying to figure out your partner.

30:00 Drew Yeah.

30:01 Adam You're drunk.

30:02 Drew Yeah. That's one of the things right there.

30:04 Adam It ain't going to work out. If you stay, you could do, forget about a hundred, let's say 10. You do 10 different women all one time, you ain't going to be much better at the end of the 10th. You'll be more experienced, but you're not be much better. You do one woman 10 times at the end of the 10th session, you'll be good. That's what I'm saying. That's what Dave needs to do.

30:25 Drew Right.

30:26 Adam Okay. You're agreeing with me, right?

30:27 Drew I'm agreeing with you 100%.

30:28 Adam All right. You can stay to the next one.

30:29 Thank you.

30:30 Adam Kim?

30:31 Yeah.

30:31 Adam You're 31. What's up?

30:33 Caller Well, I have a question. I was with my boyfriend before for 10 years, and he never touched the G-spot, whatever. So I never knew how it felt. I have a new boyfriend who is even smaller, and I finally felt it, and I told him that I never felt it before and whatever. He's like, well, your last boyfriend is a lot smaller. I was thinking, no, he was bigger, but how come I would never feel it with the bigger one, but I would with the smaller guy?

30:58 Adam Well, I didn't even know you were supposed to reach that with your penis.

31:02 Drew Well, ideally, that may indeed happen. I mean, the G-spot has essentially been described as the area just internal to the urethral junction with the bladder, which can be reached vaginally. So it all depends on where Kim's G-spot is and the size of her boyfriend, but that may indeed be it. Also, there's the whole emotional aspect of orgasm and intercourse and what was going on with the last boyfriend for 10 years that all of a sudden is different with this new boyfriend. Maybe there's a better emotional connection and that has something to do with orgasms, but Kim may be onto something with the size difference.

31:44 Adam I thought that G-spot was in and up.

31:47 Drew It's in and internal to the junction of the tube that leads out of the bladder and the bladder itself, and it's about two to three centimeters near that.

31:58 Adam Centimeters.

31:58 Drew Two to three, about a finger breath away from that particular junction. That's classically how it's been described.

32:05 Adam First off, nobody knows how far a centimeter is.

32:09 Drew About an inch.

32:11 Adam Really?

32:12 Drew Yeah. So it's about an inch.

32:12 Adam Were there 10 millimeters in a centimeter?

32:15 Drew That's right. There's two and a half centimeters in an inch. So it's an inch up. Or if you look at the width of your finger, that's about an inch.

32:25 Adam It's a little more than two and a half, but just points. I used to build metric.

32:29 Caller It just so happened the location, he just happened to hit it and the other guy that was bigger just never hit it.

32:34 Drew I mean, the size difference could have been the issue. There is the emotional component, Kim, that you may know more about. As far as what's happening in this relationship, that wasn't happening in the last one.

32:44 Adam Well, Kim, how did you answer the know your penis is smaller question?

32:49 Caller He just said it was the last way for him to have a smaller one. I said, no, he didn't.

32:54 Adam But his is small, right?

32:56 Caller His is smaller, yeah.

32:57 Adam As a guy with a small penis, I would just steer clear of the whole penis size discussion in general with my lady.

33:06 Caller Well, it's not that small.

33:08 Adam All right.

33:10 Caller All right.

33:10 Adam Well, hey, Kim.

33:12 Yeah.

33:13 Adam Let me ask you a couple of questions because my spidey sense is tingling. What's up with you? Something's going on?

33:22 Caller Like what?

33:23 Adam Well, I mean, you sound like kind of a hard ass when it comes to guys. Like you made the comment that if he was too small, he would have given him the boot by now. I know you're kidding.

33:33 Caller But no, I'm not.

33:34 Adam I had a relationship before.

33:35 Caller He was very small and I couldn't be with him. Right.

33:39 Adam What's up with the emotional side of the relationship?

33:42 Caller Don't know right now.

33:43 Adam Just in general. Where's your dad?

33:46 Caller He's married to another lady.

33:49 Adam When did he cut out?

33:51 Caller When I was a baby.

33:53 Adam Did he abandon you?

33:55 Caller No, I wouldn't say that.

33:56 Adam Well, did he stay in touch with you?

33:58 Caller No, I wouldn't say that either.

34:00 Adam Well, it's one or the other, sweetie pea. I mean, I'm not talking about Tyroctean throwing in the river, but I'm talking about he cut out on you.

34:08 Caller Yeah, yeah, I guess he did.

34:09 Adam He dumped on you and your mom, right?

34:10 Caller Yeah, I guess you could say that.

34:12 Adam Now, you don't completely trust men. No. So when you talk about sex, it's all physical, but you never really talk about the emotional side.

34:20 Caller Yeah, that's probably true.

34:21 Adam Right. So it's all about what size is penis.

34:23 No.

34:24 Adam Well, like I'm having an orgasm because this guy's penis is reaching a certain part of my vagina.

34:29 Caller Well, I didn't have an orgasm.

34:31 All right.

34:31 Adam You didn't?

34:32 Caller No.

34:33 Adam You don't have that with guys?

34:34 Caller I do with my last boyfriend now with this guy. I don't feel comfortable yet to go there.

34:39 Adam You got any kids?

34:40 Caller Yeah, I do.

34:41 Adam How many?

34:41 Caller Two.

34:42 Adam All right. Where are their dads?

34:44 Caller We're separated.

34:46 Adam All right. They see the kids?

34:48 Caller Yeah. One lives with him, one lives with me.

34:51 Adam That seems good and unhealthy. All right. No more kids, mama. Using birth control?

34:57 Caller Yeah, definitely.

34:58 Adam What are you using?

34:59 Caller I use orthotriacycline.

35:01 Adam Good. Stay on that. And remember, this guy isn't your daddy.

35:05 Caller Oh, no.

35:06 Adam But I don't trust him anyway.

35:09 Caller Why not?

35:10 Adam Because you picked him. That's why not.

35:11 Caller Thanks a lot.

35:12 Adam What's he do for a living?

35:14 Caller He works on cars.

35:16 Caller Oh, ho, ho, ho.

35:19 Caller And you know what, too? He tells me, I'm not trying to be your boyfriend. I'm not trying to be your kid's dad.

35:24 Adam Yeah.

35:24 Caller I was like, you know what? I think I'm going to give him the boot.

35:27 Adam Yeah. This guy may not be a keeper. But listen, you may not be open to the guy who is a keeper. Next time you see a guy and you're not retracted to him, I want you to stick with him.

35:36 Caller No. He has to be cute.

35:38 Adam All right.

35:38 Caller Have a good looking one.

35:39 Adam All right, mama.

35:40 Caller Thank you.

35:41 Adam All right. No more kids.

35:42 Caller OK.

35:43 Adam I don't like I really got a strong vibe of her that she had some some males.

35:47 Drew A very good pickup.

35:49 Adam Male issues going on over there. Sarah. Yes. Thank you. Sarah, you're 14.

35:54 Caller Hi. I got on the pill in January and I got more acne and I gained a little more weight. But I was depressed before that because my grandma died and it went away. But a lot more stuff started to happen to me. But it still stopped. And in May after my friend died, I got off the pill and to see how my periods would go while I was off it. And my acne went away and I lost weight. But I got even more depressed. I was wondering if that could be because of the pill.

36:32 Adam What did you get on the pill for in the first place?

36:34 Drew Yeah.

36:35 Caller Well, because my periods were off and I was in a sexually active relationship.

36:41 Caller I love that answer.

36:44 Drew Well, what pill were you on, Sarah?

36:46 Caller Orthotricyclin.

36:48 Drew So orthotricyclin is the first pill that has FDA approval for the indication of acne. But to be honest, all birth control pills kind of function in the same way as far as making acne better.

37:00 Adam But this made it worse, right?

37:02 Drew So what normally happens is that it takes three months for the changes that the pill brings on to actually take hold. In other words, you know, the pill works. One of the important ways that the pill works is it decreases testosterone in women. And the final effect of that is also making acne better. But that takes some time. It's not an immediate effect. And for some women, even on orthotricyclin, the progesterone component, which is actually a testosterone-like hormone in the pill, for some people, it can actually make acne worse before it gets better. And that might be an indication after three months, if things don't get better, to switch to another pill. There's plenty of them out there. There's over 100 different kinds of birth control pills on the market. Really? So if one specifically, orthotricyclin, didn't work, it's not the end of the world, there's other pills out there. And especially because you're sexually active, that's something that you should consider looking into. Don't just give up on the pill. It's a very effective way to have birth control. And you should definitely kind of pursue it. But there's other options out there for you.

38:06 Adam Are you currently sexually active, Sarah?

38:09 Caller No.

38:10 Adam No. And who died, besides your grandma?

38:15 Caller One of my closest friends.

38:16 Adam What happened?

38:17 Caller Well, she went into the hospital because they thought she had appendicitis. So they went in for a exploratory surgery. She had a tumorous mass under her intestines, large and small. So they took some of those off. And they gave her an antibiotic and hopped her up on morphine. And she had liver failure and lack of oxygen to the brain. And we're still not sure exactly what the problem was with her. They took her up to Stanford. And by the time she got up there, she was pronounced brain dead. The next day she died.

38:51 Adam Very sad for you.

38:52 Drew That's awful.

38:53 Adam All right, Sarah.

38:54 Drew I have one more question.

38:55 Caller What? Would the shot be any better?

38:58 Drew The shot actually is the shot that you're describing is most likely the DepoProvera shot. DepoProvera is a progestin only injectable. And as I just mentioned, progestins in general are closer to testosterone than estrogen is. And actually one of the things that we see happening on the DepoProvera shot is that people get worsening of their acne. So as far as the acne situation, it's not going to make things better. You need a combined contraceptive that, preferably an oral contraceptive, that would have estrogen in it. And if the orthotricycline didn't work for you, I would try something else.

39:34 Adam There's a hundred different kinds of birth control pills?

39:36 Drew There are hundreds. And there's actually some more coming out in the next two to three years that are going to be really interesting and new. So we're only going to have more choices as far as birth control pills in the upcoming future.

39:50 Adam Are they going to be in different new shapes? Or are they going to work differently?

39:53 Drew Well, let me tell you about three different options that you'll probably hear about pretty soon anyway.

39:57 Adam Wait a minute. Hold on. I'm going to have to take a break before I hear this.

40:00 Drew All right.

40:01 Adam We're running a little bit late. I do want to know about this. I want to know. And don't tell me the answer yet.

40:07 Drew All right.

40:08 Adam But live, the answer is no. Which is, are they going to come out of the pill that you can take once a year or that you can take once a month, or that once a week even that you don't have to take?

40:21 Drew We're getting there. I'm telling you. You first got me going with that gyno dog. And you are definitely on your way to being a gynecologist. We're on to something here.

40:32 Adam I'm telling you, the gyno dog will come to pass as standard medical practices in our lifetime. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.

41:18 Caller Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla.

41:22 Adam Dr. Ben is here. He is filling in for Dr. Drew, doing a bang-up job. Dr. Drew is in Italy, actually, taking a little vacation with the Mrs., a well-deserved vacation. And Dr. Ben is a OB GYN, so he knows all about the parts for you ladies. And we were gonna talk about the new birth control. And what's looming in the future for women in birth control and men for birth control. So what are the breakthroughs and when are they breaking through?

41:55 Drew Okay, so let me just tell you about three relatively new types of birth control that have come out this year. One, I was just jotting these down as I'm remembering some of the stuff that's coming up, that's come out lately. And one is a new IUD called the Mirena, which is a progesterone-only IUD. It slowly releases progesterone into the uterus. It causes a thickening of the cervical lining and basically it's good for five years. The nice little added benefit of that particular IUD is that it makes women have a lot less bleeding during their periods and at least 20% will just stop having periods.

42:31 Adam And that is just inserted by gynecologist and left in there for five years.

42:36 Drew That's correct. With an annual checkup.

42:38 Adam And as effective as the pill?

42:41 Drew It's actually more effective than the pill, and I'll tell you why. It's because IUDs, because they are constantly there and do not depend on human error as far as taking a pill every day and do not get side effects like, you know, some women who take massive doses of antibiotics make the pill less effective and can get pregnant, quote unquote, on the pill. And therefore, it's more effective.

43:04 Adam But when the pill is taken as prescribed, it's as effective.

43:08 Drew It's pretty darn effective. It's over 99% effective.

43:11 Adam And who, now, who can't take this? Who wouldn't be a good candidate for the new IUD?

43:18 Drew Well, for example, people who have had really bad bleeding without being diagnosed as to what the cause of the bleeding, big bad fibroids that will interfere with the placement of the IUD, things of this nature. And in general, before putting an IUD in anyone, you in general want them to have had at least one child before. They do not need to be at high risk for getting sexually transmitted diseases like gonorrhea and chlamydia. So there is some screening there. Not everybody is a good candidate for an IUD. And it's definitely for long-term contraception. You're talking about somebody who's going to have five years of contraception on board.

43:52 Adam But it can be taken out.

43:54 Drew Absolutely. It can be taken out. But because it is expensive and there are other ways to go, as far as reversible contraception, that's something that in general people choose who are really in it for the long haul.

44:04 Adam How much is it?

44:05 Drew It's about 350 bucks. Just that's our cost. And whatever the gynecologist is going to charge to insert it, so it's probably going to run people about 500 bucks.

44:15 Adam I see. But over the long haul, when you talk about the money, the pill.

44:18 Drew If you're doing it for five years, yep, that's pretty cost-effective.

44:21 Adam What's next?

44:21 Drew The other one is the Lunel. Lunel is an injectable contraceptive. And instead of the other injectable contraceptive that's available right now, the Depo Provera that I heard you and Dr. Drew have been discussing, that injectable had some problems with it. Basically, once a woman decided she didn't want to be on that particular birth control, it could sometimes take upwards of nine months before she'd get her periods anywhere near normal. In other words, for people who wanted to basically quit that and try to have a baby, it was very difficult because it would take a while to get out of their system. Well, the Lunel is a monthly injectable. And once a woman decides to get off that particular injection, instead of going through the nine to sometime 18 month period of time before she could get pregnant, in general, menstrual function returns within two to three months of the last injection, so it becomes much easier to resume.

45:15 Adam Who does the injection?

45:16 Drew Well, in general, people who do not remember to take a pill every day, who've had problems with that and still want the hormonal contraceptive, that would be perfect. You get a shot once a month and you're protected for the next 30 days.

45:28 Adam I'm asking who physically does it? Does your gynecologist or does your doctor?

45:31 Drew You do have to go to a gynecologist and that can be a pain. I mean, obviously, it's much easier to get a prescription for a pack of pills and not have to see your gynecologist for six months to a year, but this does require for you to go to a health care professional and get the injection.

45:47 Adam Anything else?

45:47 Drew Yeah. There's one more. There's actually, and I'm surprised that more patients don't call the office and actually ask for this one because if there's one thing that some of my younger patients are very, very concerned with is acne and weight gain on the pill. This is a new birth control pill that has put itself up as the one that will cause you the least weight gain possible. Its name is Yasmin and specifically it contains a new progesterone, which is purported to cause less weight gain than any of the other progesterones. But in clinical studies that weight gain, that amount of weight that may be saved, maybe one to two pounds for women who gain weight on the pill, that may be a one to two pound difference.

46:30 Adam Still make your cans bigger?

46:32 Drew It still makes your can bigger. It has estrogen, so yes, it will do that.

46:35 Adam That weight gain is a different kind of weight gain.

46:37 Drew Yeah, it's water retention generally. That's what the progesterone will do to you. So this is a different progesterone.

46:41 Adam The breast enlargement, that has nothing to do with that.

46:44 Drew That's not considered part of it. That's right.

46:46 Adam Sounds delightful.

46:47 Drew Give me the pill, Skipper.

46:51 Adam We got to take ourselves another quick break and then we'll come back for a nice long marathon session of you and your calls.

46:58 Drew Right on.

47:01 Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

47:38 Adam Hey, y'all, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Ben over there, who's filling in for Dr. Drew. Hello. Dr. Ben is an OBGYN, so he knows all about the female parts and the birth control and the birth and process and STDs and all that stuff. He is an expert. So tonight we'll be steering the show toward those questions, although we will be taking some of your more standard, fair Loveline questions as well. Tony?

48:10 Yes. How are you doing, sir?

48:12 Adam Good. 22. What's up?

48:14 I want to say hello to Adam, Dr. Ben. I'm a big time fan of the man show also WNEW. Long time listener, first time caller. My situation is this, I'm 22, my girlfriend is 20. We've been going out for a year now. She's a virgin. I'm not. I lost my virgin at 18. It's my first time dealing with a virgin. She wants to lose it, everything else. She came forward with me. She sat and told me about everything else. I just don't know how to approach us. This is my first time sitting with a virgin.

48:47 Adam Does she still have a hymen and what percentage, and maybe you don't know this, but roughly what percentage of 20-year-old virgins have a hymen?

48:57 I'd be honest with you, I couldn't tell me about 75-80%.

49:00 Adam 75-80? Yeah, my guess. What do you do for a living, Tony?

49:05 I'm an architect designer.

49:06 You're a designer. All right.

49:08 Adam Well, we have a gynecologist here, so I'll pose the same question to him. I posed that to him 10 minutes ago, Ben.

49:15 Drew Well, basically, that's kind of a tough one. But I'd say probably overwhelmingly, the cases where women have an imperforated hymen or have a really tight hymenal ring, that doesn't happen all that frequently. Probably about 80 percent of women will have a perforated hymen that should not really-

49:37 Adam Virgin or not?

49:38 Drew Virgin. I'm talking about the first time around.

49:40 Adam Right.

49:40 Drew And first of all, I just want to commend Tony. That's, you know, he's really, you know, he's in a sounds like a good relationship and really open and communicative one. And for this kind of call to be able to, you know, go about it and take his time, I think that's a really, really good way to approach it. And essentially for Tony and for his girlfriend-

50:01 Adam And his buddies bet him $250 bucks, he couldn't bang a virgin, too. So there's that.

50:07 Drew Well, I think as far as what to do, Tony, I just, you know, go real slow. The first time is probably gonna hurt for her.

50:16 Adam Now why is it gonna hurt for her if and she doesn't have a hymen? And are you saying that there's-

50:22 Drew She has a hymen.

50:24 Adam But I mean, a hymen-

50:25 Drew A hymenal ring. So she has an area that is basically differentiating the external part of her from the vagina. So once that's penetrated, that will hurt, especially for the first time, inserting something-

50:37 Adam So she will have that.

50:38 Drew She will have pain. But there's the difference that I'm making is between a perforated hymen and a non-perforated hymen.

50:47 Adam All right. So let me just make sure we're on the same page.

50:49 So what's the difference between that?

50:50 Drew Good question. So a hymen basically starts off embryologically as a really thin membrane that for, as I said, at least 80% of women is going to form a hole in it. That membrane is going to break down by the time a woman is 14, 15, 16 years old. And when she has a period, all the blood that's created internally from the uterus is going to find its way outside. So the hymen will be open to the point where at least blood can come out. So it will have a perforation in it. And overwhelmingly, it will be big enough, that perforation where having intercourse, you on your end, Tony, really are not going to feel a big difference other than it may be a little tight for you. On her end, it's going to hurt because that hymen, whatever is left of the hymen, the ring, the hymenal ring, as we refer to it, that's still left from where that membrane used to be is most likely going to, to some degree, rip and tear to a degree where she's going to have a lot of discomfort associated with that.

51:50 Adam And what happens to it after that? Does it slough off?

51:53 Drew No, I mean, it's the hymenal ring, you can always see it. It's a small little ridge that's to some degree always there, and you can kind of, you know, you can always kind of see it. It's just that, you know, with intercourse, that ring gets stretched out a little bit, that, you know, there are areas, corners of it, that may tear and allow for, you know, an object like a penis to fit through without pain. After several times.

52:15 Will it be sore for some days and...

52:17 Drew It's usually not days. The one thing that you may hear about Tony from her is that she had a little bit of bleeding after the first time and that, you know, at insertion, it was painful. And for many women, that first time around, it's more pain and anxiety than, you know, enjoying the moment. So just go really slow and make sure that, as far as foreplay is concerned, that she's well lubricated and...

52:39 Adam What about adding some lubrication?

52:41 Drew You can do that if she's really nervous, if she is not lubricated well enough on her own, then that's something that Tony can think about doing. Yes, those are all very good points.

52:49 Adam And is there any... You know what they ought to come out with? A lubricant, it's got a little numbing agent in it, you know, called, like, my first lubricant or... Something like that. We do an acute bottle, maybe put the Flintstone characters on the front of it. But something that just sort of softened that first blow just a little bit. I mean, maybe you should just, whether she's lubricating or not, maybe he ought to just get some lube going as a first...

53:18 Drew I don't think that's a bad idea. Yeah, she will be nervous, but, you know, depending on how much they've done to this point, you know, they may have already gone to a certain way, a certain distance, and that might be helpful.

53:30 Adam Why is she a virgin at 20?

53:34 My guess would be old-fashioned parents.

53:37 Adam All right.

53:37 Very strict old-fashioned parents.

53:38 Adam Okay, it's not because she's freaked out about sex?

53:41 No.

53:42 Adam Okay, that's good, because that will cause a little tightening of the hymenal ring right there. It will zip shut like a duffel bag. All right there, Tony. Good luck. Good luck.

53:54 Guy, I'd like to give a man a salute. Ziggy, like, oi, oi, oi.

54:00 Adam Thanks, Tony.

54:00 Caller Good night, guys.

54:01 Adam Tony, take care of yourself. Tony's drunk. She got herself a nice, drunken guy named Tony to deflower her. That's wonderful. All right, let's keep moving and speak to Sarah, who's 35. Sarah?

54:14 Caller Hi, my problem is, well, it's initially not a problem. I am capable of having several orgasms. And...

54:24 Drew You're lucky.

54:26 Caller Yeah.

54:27 Caller Well, actually, it's more like, too. The first one is about 10 seconds, and then the second one can last like a minute. But then, the problem is that sometimes, very suddenly, like out of the blue, I'll get just a mind-boggling headache. And then, of course, my orgasm stops. But that's not... The only problem is that then, this person, who has been such a trooper, now I have a headache and don't feel like having sex.

55:03 Drew Right. Now, is this a one-sided headache? Is it towards the front of the head? Describe the headache to me. Do you ever go blind after a headache? Just describe to me the severity of the headache. Is this the worst headache you've ever had? Yeah.

55:15 Caller Like I could start to cry.

55:16 Drew Yeah. That's pretty bad. And is it on one side or the other? Or does it seem to be all over?

55:22 Caller It seems all over, but it seems to focus on the front of my head, like my forehead.

55:29 Drew And do you have any other sensations at the time? Do you feel like throwing up? Do you have any kind of visual defects where you can't see something in front of you? What else happens?

55:38 Caller I don't feel nauseated and I don't…

55:41 Drew How long does it take the headache to go away?

55:43 Caller A long time, like 10 minutes.

55:44 Drew Okay. There's just a couple of things. As far as physiologically, what's happening to you during an orgasm is their blood pressure changes. Blood pressure goes up. Dopamine is released. Endorphins are released. These all can have changes on what's happening on the vessels that supply blood to the brain. And specifically, for people who have aneurysms, that could be a big time problem, especially when you're describing a headache that is an extremely severe headache. That's something that if blood pressure really goes up in you, that could be an early sign of an aneurysm, which could be a real bad medical emergency if it starts to leak. So an aneurysm is a weakening of the blood wall of a vessel. So instead of having, just imagine, you know how in those cartoons you see a big hose getting turned on and somebody stepping on the hose and then the part that's a little closer to the spigot from the place that the person steps on starts to get larger and larger and larger until it blows up. That's what an aneurysm can do. It's a weakening. It's an area that's weakened. And if blood pressure goes up inside that area, it can explode. And one of the first symptoms are excruciating headaches. So I think it's kind of important that just as, you know, a precautionary measure, there's nothing wrong with having multiple orgasms. But having, you know, multiple orgasms that lead to a stroke could be a really bad scenario. And it would be a good idea to see a neurologist who are basically also headache experts and can talk to you about this issue.

57:17 Adam And you can have an aneurysm anywhere in your body.

57:19 Drew That's true. Any blood vessel can form an aneurysm. But, you know, the big ones that we're afraid of are aneurysms in the abdominal aorta that, you know, basically there's so much blood flowing through there that a person can exsanguinate and die once those rupture within, you know, seconds. And obviously ones that are in places like the brain that can get compressed and have, you know, long-term neurologic deficits and death, those would be the two places you don't want to have a leaking aneurysm. Yeah.

57:45 Adam Right. And when you have the internal one, yeah, the abdominal one, what do you, what's the sensation with that? Is there a sensation? I mean, you wouldn't feel that one coming, would you?

57:57 Drew No. You know, the classic finding is a pulsating abdominal mass on physical exam, that before that thing blows, it gets big enough where somebody can put a hand on you and actually feel a pulsating mass. And that's how some of these are picked up. Some of these are picked up by, you know, CAT scans done for other abdominal problems and are seen by, you know, a CAT scan. But yeah, you're right. A lot of these are asymptomatic and one never knows until one is found, you know, dead. Apparently, just as an aside.

58:24 Adam Well, but then you know, right?

58:25 Drew And then you know. That's the good news.

58:27 Adam All right.

58:27 Drew Lincoln apparently, Lincoln was purported to have an abdominal aortic aneurysm. Lincoln had what's thought to be Marfan syndrome, which predisposes him predisposed him to several conditions, like one of which was having an abdominal aortic aneurysm. And according to some, you can see this based on some of the photographs taken of Lincoln. The legs are always moving. The abdominal aorta was pulsating so badly that he couldn't keep his feet straight when he was sitting for some of his photos. And those are always kind of blurry. And so that's one argument. Apparently he was very close to dying of an abdominal aneurysm. He would have died shortly after he was assassinated anyway.

59:07 Adam Really?

59:08 Drew Apparently that's one theory.

59:09 Adam Let me tell you, for me, that drops it down to manslaughter. You know what I mean?

59:14 Drew To what?

59:15 Adam Manslaughter.

59:16 Drew Manslaughter.

59:17 Adam I mean, for John Wilkes Booth. You shoot a guy who would have died within six months, manslaughter. I mean, I really wouldn't mind that factored in to a murder trial. You know what I mean? You run over a dog that had a couple of months left.

59:33 Drew Yeah.

59:35 Adam Not as bad as running over a puppy.

59:36 Drew Yeah.

59:37 Adam That's all I'm saying. Let's factor that in.

59:39 Drew The other interesting thing about Lincoln is that the people who first took care of him, the physicians, what they tried to do as far as working on that bullet is they used very blunt surgical probes, metal probes, to try to pull the bullet out and apparently just shoved it deeper and deeper into his brain. So it just goes to show you where medicine has gone in the last several years.

1:00:01 Adam Yeah. Medicine has really come a long way, although as far as Lincoln's dentist goes, exactly the same procedures as what was done on Lincoln's mouth 200 years ago. Absolutely. Absolutely. That one is not budge. Moccasin making has come further than dentistry in the last 150 years. To be fair, saddle making as well. Josh?

1:00:29 Caller Yes. Hello.

1:00:30 Adam You're 22.

1:00:31 Caller Yes.

1:00:31 Adam What's up?

1:00:32 Caller My problem is I met this girl I really like. We went out a couple of times. It's not like a date or anything. It was just more like a friend thing and she knows that I like her, and ever since I told her that I was going to go home for the weekend and then I came back. I gave her a call. We talked. I told her I wrote her a letter and afterwards, after that date, we just never got a hold of her again. I tried calling her a couple of times.

1:01:03 Adam What did the letter say?

1:01:05 Caller Well, I didn't read the letter to her yet. I wrote her a letter and it's not yet done. I was going to reach her. I want to get it done.

1:01:12 Adam Oh, you're going to write it and then read it to her.

1:01:14 Caller Actually, I got it halfway through and I told her, I want to finish writing it and I want to read to you. And afterwards, it never hurt for her anymore.

1:01:21 Drew Come on, don't be such a pussy.

1:01:23 Adam Drew, please. Yeah, even Drew in Italy knows that this ain't going to work out.

1:01:28 Drew You can read the handwriting on the wall.

1:01:30 Adam Yeah. Josh, I know you're into this chick. And let me explain a concept to a lot of our young male listeners. It doesn't matter if you're into her a thousand fold, it still doesn't make her into you. Like a lot of guys think, well, you don't understand, I really dig her, so she has to be into me to some degree. She's not into you that way. That's fine. Believe it or not, there are many women who aren't into me, Josh. I know you find that hard to understand or believe, but it is true. And you know what you got to do? You got to move on. You got to find someone who's into you, who's probably less attractive.

1:02:10 Caller Well, I just like to know, should I just give her a call and ask her why?

1:02:16 Adam Well, how many times have you called her without her calling you back?

1:02:20 Caller Like three times.

1:02:21 Adam Three times. And you left a message?

1:02:24 Caller I left a message. Well, not to her, but like to her, one of her sister telling, saying that, you know, to give me a call back.

1:02:33 Adam But she never did like you. She never did like you like a boyfriend.

1:02:38 Caller No, she never said that.

1:02:40 Adam No, no. Listen, Josh, she's not into you, and she's doing the merciful thing, which is finally cutting it off. You're wasting a lot of your valuable 22-year-old dating time on a chick who ain't interested. Right. So stop obsessing. You're freaking her out. She feels that obsessive energy, just like we do, and you're freaking her out. Find someone who likes you. All right? And listen to this, Josh. What are you doing with your life?

1:03:09 Caller I'm just going to school right now.

1:03:10 Adam Where are you going?

1:03:12 Caller Just taking, like, you know, extra course in the college.

1:03:16 Adam Junior college.

1:03:18 Caller Yes.

1:03:18 Adam Okay. There you go. Right there. You can't pick up chicks when you're in junior college.

1:03:22 Caller Yeah.

1:03:23 Adam That's high school with ashtrays. You understand? You need to get your life in order, work hard on your life, and then you'll meet chicks. Don't worry about trying to talk this one into love who ain't into it. Okay? Right. All right. You focus on your school, you transfer to a real school, and then you move on, you make some money. Please, who are we kidding with these junior colleges? When I'm in charge, I will turn them all into prisons. And here's the good news about junior college. I'm going to leave a lot of people that are currently in them, I will now involve them into the penal system. Because I know it's about 80 percent criminal element, at least non-tax payers. People trying to suck off Uncle Sam's teeth, going over there, wasting all our tax money with their nonsense. Playing softball and taking English as a second language. Please, I'm going to clean house. They already look like prisons, most of them. They're gray, an avocado, flat roofs, not a lot of windows. The windows have that nice screen on them, so you can't escape. And there's a good high eight-foot fence around them. All I need to do is build a couple of guard towers and shut down the snack shack, and it becomes a prison at that point.

1:04:32 Drew GIO Barbwire wouldn't hurt, but yeah, you're on to something. GIO Right.

1:04:36 Adam And then what I'm going to do is, here's what I'm going to do with these junicazas. I'm going to put up the guard tower, I'll put the barbed wire on top of the eight-foot fence, get rid of the snack shack, and then I'm going to circulate a flyer that says, all fifth semester students, anyone who's been here longer than two and a half years, you get a free hash pipe on Wednesday the 29th. No one else need attend. Those people walk in, I shut the gate, and that's it. I sort them out later. It may take them years to be processed and actually get out. And yes, a few innocent people will be left, will auction their cars off that are in the parking lot for more revenue so I can convert more junior colleges into prisons. I could clean up this country in just a few short months.

1:05:28 Caller Brian? That sounds almost Hitler-ish.

1:05:32 Adam Thank you.

1:05:32 Caller Thank you. Yeah, good job.

1:05:33 Adam Thank you.

1:05:34 Caller See you, Kyle, brother.

1:05:35 Drew What's up?

1:05:37 Caller Well, my girlfriend, when we get down to go have sex, like she she takes off her underwear and I swear to God, it smells like real bad in the room. She's visited a gynecologist and he said it was just a yeast infection and she got like creams, but it didn't do nothing.

1:05:56 Drew Brian, yeast normally does not smell bad.

1:05:59 Adam Oh, interesting.

1:06:01 Drew The classic foul-smelling discharge diagnosis is something called bacterial vaginosis, which interestingly enough is the most common cause of discharge in sexually active females and basically that is something that might have been missed, or it could really just be her body odor. It's hard for me to say, but at the same time, I think this warrants another quick trip to the gynecologist and what the gynecologist can do. See, a lot of gynecologists will initiate that work up by looking under the microscope. What may be helpful to this particular gynecologist or in this particular case, is to actually take cultures. Those take a couple of days to come back. He may not have the answer for her right away, but if there is a distinct big time shift in the normal bacterial flora of the vagina, that will be something that a culture will be able to differentiate from just looking for yeast on a slide. That might take a couple of days longer, but it might actually help definitively solve the problem.

1:07:05 Caller But, sir, the biggest problem is it seems like I notice it more when I go down on it. It's not really a, I don't know, I was just wondering, could it be maybe because-

1:07:17 Caller Ah, I knew it.

1:07:22 Caller Shut your ass down.

1:07:24 Drew There had to be one, there had to be one. That was our first one.

1:07:27 Caller Brian, are you there?

1:07:27 Adam Yes, sir. You didn't get it out. I yelled over it. I knew it was coming. I knew it was coming. But just to go back and not many hosts have the guts to go back and repeat what they shouted over only seconds ago. Her butthole was the size of a mason jar and anyone who listens to the show-

1:07:49 Drew Did not say that.

1:07:50 Adam Knows that from time to time, we get some callers calling up and they work that into the story.

1:07:56 Drew That's-

1:07:57 Adam I enjoy that. I don't mind that.

1:07:59 Drew Is that something that keeps popping up, the size of a mason jar?

1:08:03 Adam Yes. It will come up from time to time and basically, what happens is it used to be one guy who did it out of Tucson. I actually had the pleasure of meeting when I was in Tucson doing some sort of something that I would never do in a million years now ever again. But I was out there and this guy came up and he was perfect. I love these guys. You know the guys who wear the hockey jersey in the dead of summer? Sure. They're 6'2, but they're really 5'9, because they walk and they almost look like a turtle from a profile, and they really have no social life. Well, he came up and that was the guy who started it all some years ago. I think the rest have been copycat callers. But listen, I appreciate it. I was starting to sniff it out. Let me just give you guys a hint and we're going to call the show and get into the a-hole the size of a mason jar line. Here's where my Spidey sense started tingling when he said, well, but listen, because you know what I do. You see, when they go, you know, I don't know why, I don't know if it's a cadence or word selection, but when they just start getting into one more thing, here's what I do or here's what she had, it always follows that.

1:09:22 Drew Good, good. I'm learning.

1:09:24 Adam Yeah, that's all right. I don't mind the prank calls on this show at all. I have no problem with that, never did. Ben?

1:09:32 Caller Yeah.

1:09:33 Adam You're 23?

1:09:35 Caller Yep.

1:09:35 Adam What's up?

1:09:36 Caller Hey, my girlfriend gets urinary tract infection, and she got one the other day, and probably about three days ago, and it went away, and she went to the doctor, and they gave her antibiotics and all that crap, and then it went away, and then it came back two days ago, and she just hates it and she wants to know why she keeps getting it.

1:09:55 Drew Well, urinary tract infections in women are much more common than men simply because the tube that leads out of the bladder is much shorter in women, and it's easier to get bacteria to go up through the urethra and into the bladder, so essentially the biggest risk factor for women as far as getting urinary tract infections is having intercourse.

1:10:17 Caller We haven't had sex in about a week, four days, five days.

1:10:21 Drew Okay, now it takes some time for the bacteria to start to divide and to actually manifest themselves as a bladder infection where she might have burning when she urinates, goes to the bathroom every five minutes. The other thing that may have happened is that initial set of antibiotics that she was treated with may not have been adequate or she did not take it for the required amount of time to completely get rid of the bladder infection, so it might not be a new bladder infection or that she gets the same one over and over again, it's just that she never quite treats herself appropriately.

1:10:51 Adam Hey Ben.

1:10:52 Drew Yeah.

1:10:53 Adam I call her Ben. Do you think she's cheating or something?

1:10:56 Drew No.

1:10:57 Adam No. All right.

1:10:57 Drew I don't have to be that.

1:10:58 Adam All right.

1:10:59 Drew Okay.

1:10:59 Adam Just checking. There you go, baby.

1:11:00 Caller Okay.

1:11:01 Drew Good luck.

1:11:02 Adam Hey, good times, right?

1:11:03 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:11:04 Adam Yeah. All right.

1:11:05 Drew One more thing, Ben, just for you to advise her is that in general, one of the ways that you can counteract all this is have her-

1:11:13 Adam Her anal.

1:11:14 Drew No.

1:11:15 Adam Is that? That's what he's telling me during the break.

1:11:16 Drew That is not what I was telling anybody.

1:11:18 Adam Well, it would. It would work, though. Would it not? Okay. I won't touch that.

1:11:22 Drew But anyway, what I'm talking about is that essentially, if she was able to go to the bathroom empty her bladder, instead of going straight to sleep, for example, that would help.

1:11:31 Adam Because basically, you have sex, you push whatever you don't want back up there, the bacteria up there because it's such a short run with women. And if you go to the bathroom after that, you can flush it out theoretically.

1:11:46 Drew That's right. That's true. And some women who even in spite of doing that, do not, are still getting recurrent infections, we actually give them an antibiotic to take after they have sex. So they go to the bathroom, take a pill, and that's another way to deal with it. But in general, just peeing is going to be mostly what she can do.

1:12:06 Adam Yeah, can't, don't, I mean, it's been put into us by the almighty to have to take a whiz after sex for guys.

1:12:16 Drew Yeah.

1:12:17 Adam I mean, most guys have to urinate after sex, right?

1:12:20 Drew Yeah.

1:12:20 Adam Usually because they drank a 12 pack and are looking for just a little break, and also they got to do that nude pose down in front of the bathroom mirror. That's what I do. But do women have to have urination, do they have to urinate after sex? Do they have that sensation, most women?

1:12:38 Drew You know, I'm not sure. I don't know.

1:12:40 Adam Interesting that you don't know that.

1:12:42 Drew But I don't know that.

1:12:42 Adam You should really look into that. But as a guy, you could say, as a rule, guys have to have the sensation. And I would guess that's put into us, right? I mean, for a reason?

1:12:53 Drew Could be a reason. You know, I mean, if you have semen that's in the urethra still, that's a potential cause for infection. I mean, bacteria love to munch on that. And if you can clear that by peeing, that's a good thing.

1:13:06 Adam Well, I'm assuming that most things your body does involuntarily, and I don't mean involuntarily, I mean you urinate voluntarily, but most of the feelings and urges you have are sort of their way to protect you in a way. And I'm guessing that's what urination is. And I would assume that women got to do that.

1:13:26 Drew Can we take a survey out there?

1:13:28 Adam After sex, you got to urinate, right?

1:13:29 Caller Yeah.

1:13:30 Drew There's a lot of thumbs up in the room. Yeah, I guess that'll work.

1:13:33 Adam Same as, same as guys. Alright, so ladies, you do that, we'll take a break.

1:13:37 Caller Okay, and we'll be back.

1:13:39 Drew Love Line, Love Line, we'll be right back.

1:14:16 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla, that's Dr. Ben. Dr. Ben is an O-G-B-Y-N, and I know I screwed that up a little, but he is a gynecologist, and he knows everything that's going on between the legs. And Dr. Drew knows what's going on between the ears, but Ben, he focuses on the knees. So we are taking those kinds of calls tonight, but he is also a doctor, and if you have medical questions, he can address those. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191, and...

1:14:55 Drew I wanted to...

1:14:56 Adam Yes, sorry.

1:14:57 Drew I was hoping, Adam, before the end of the show, just because we talked, I think especially, because contraception is so important for so many of the listeners, I just wanted to mention some of the things that are coming fairly soon. We've talked about some of the new stuff that's available now. There's some stuff that I think is really new that's coming in over the next two or three years. The first one is, remember Norplant?

1:15:22 Adam Sure.

1:15:22 Drew Okay. I've heard you talked about Norplant before. Norplant has really lost a lot of its luster. When it came out, everybody thought it was going to be the greatest thing since sliced bread. Then a couple of things happened. First of all, some of the people who had it put in wanted it out. It was approved for five years of use. You had to go in. These are six subcutaneous little matchsticks, if you will, that contain progesterone. When it's time to remove them three, four, five years down the road, when we got in there to try to take those out, some of those things were locked in there like cement. It would take you sometimes 10 or 15 minutes to remove one. You had six to go, or you had five to go.

1:16:07 Adam Because tissue grew around them?

1:16:08 Drew Exactly. There was scarring. And by the time you were done with somebody, they looked like they had been through hell. I mean, they were completely bruised on the inside of the arm where these implants would go. And I'm sure word got around eventually by the bad experiences that this was something that you wanted to stay away from. And so after a while, nobody came in for their norplants anymore. Well, there is a new implantable. It's going to be called Implanon. It's instead of six different little match thigs, it's going to be one.

1:16:37 Adam One lighter?

1:16:38 Drew One specific little match.

1:16:41 Adam One disposable lighter.

1:16:43 Drew Yeah. So it's basically going to be the size of the old norplant. But instead of having six different ones, it's going to be one. It's going to be good for three years. And apparently, it's going to be a lot easier to remove. They are talking about a three minute removal time with very little residual. It would be put in the inside of the arm, just like the norplant, but again, something that's coming in that may make that a good option for some people. Again, specifically for people who don't want to take anything every day and be not pregnant for the next three years.

1:17:14 Adam And unlike the IUD, this could be something that people that hadn't had kids before could use.

1:17:23 Drew That's correct.

1:17:24 Adam And what about the male contraception?

1:17:26 Drew That's good. There are people who are working on it right now. There have been some concerns with what happens to testosterone levels, not just sperm counts. Obviously, the goal is to get to zero sperm counts in people who take these pills. Some of these, you know, some of the volunteers for these studies have also shown decreasing testosterone levels. And that, as you can imagine, may not go over too well with some males who take this particular form of birth control pill.

1:17:52 Adam I worry about this because here's what I think. I think there's going to be more pregnancy by guys saying they're on this pill, A, number one, B, number two, all the guys who are responsible enough and caring or concerned enough to put themselves on this male pill, as it were, are not the guys we got to worry about. These are not the deadbeat dads of the world. Do you see what I'm saying? So this is not going to do society any good, this male pill. I think it's going to hurt. And I would like, for the guys who do actually get on the male pill, to get some sort of rebate from the government, as well as some sort of like a watermark or something, like they put on the currency.

1:18:35 Drew Okay.

1:18:36 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:18:37 Drew And what would that do?

1:18:37 Adam Well, women could verify whether the guy was on it or not. We are going to need some verification, or women are going to need some verification, or every guido with an Italian horn medallion is going to be getting loaded on wine coolers on Saturday night and telling some chick at a red onion that he's on this pill.

1:18:55 Drew Well, I think more...

1:18:56 Adam Thank you.

1:18:57 Drew Yeah, that's a good point. But I think at the same time, this would be more people in a, you know, mutually exclusive relationship, possibly married people. This is the kind of situation where that pill may be of use. But, you know, that's probably a good year or two down the line. The next thing is something that's really exciting. And we've had patches now to... that are porous and are slowly, allow for slow leakage of hormones into a person's circulatory system. We've been using them for several years now for hormone replacement therapy for menopausal women. Now we have the first ever birth control patch. You're right.

1:19:32 Adam It doesn't fall off your penis when you're having sex?

1:19:35 Drew No.

1:19:36 Adam Interesting.

1:19:36 Drew This is for women. Essentially, they put this patch on either their hip, their butt, their lower abdomen underneath the belly button. One patch is going to last about a week. You would have three patches in a pack. It would essentially work much like the birth control pill, where you have three weeks of getting a hormone in your system, and then one week of a break and a bleed.

1:19:59 Adam Now, when you pull the one patch off, one of the benefits of this, a side benefit, would be removing some hair from some of these brawns. It would be nice to pull that one off. You know, they get that little happy trail from the belly button down to the crotch there. It could be used for that. Why not combine a few things? Some hair removal and some birth control. But you put the patch on, you peel one off, you stick the other one on, right?

1:20:25 Drew Okay, so yeah.

1:20:26 Adam Is that right? I mean, you couldn't leave it off. Could you leave it off for a day?

1:20:31 Drew You could probably leave it off for a day. But essentially what they're going to talk to you about doing, and the instructions for this are going to be that you would take it off and rotate. You would not want to put the patch on exactly the place, the new patch on the place where the old patch just came off. Simply because of the way the hormone is absorbed, some of the adhesives can actually cause kind of a local irritation. Things get a little bit red. You wouldn't, and absorption can get affected. So you'd want to rotate. So basically you'd want to go from one place to the other and just kind of rotate, pick let's say three spots and go one, two, and three, and basically then take a week of a break and start the process over. The name of this one is going to be something like OrthoEvra, I believe is the name.

1:21:12 Adam And these are all coming out?

1:21:13 Drew These are all coming out in the next two to three years. The last one, and I want to mention before we get back to the calls, is something called SeizaNal. SeizaNal is going to be a birth, and many women are already doing this, taking birth control pills so that they do not get a period. I mean, people do this all the time around their honeymoon so that they don't bleed, let's say, during the honeymoon. Right. You know, essentially what this birth control pill will do is it will have 84 active pills that you will take in a row. So instead of 21 tablets and a week off for a total of a 28 day cycle with, let's just say, 12 periods a year, you will have 84 on and seven off, giving you, let's just say, four cycles per year. So it will be a birth control pill. You will take for 84 days in a row and have only four periods a year instead of 12 periods a year.

1:22:04 Adam All right.

1:22:05 Drew So that's some new stuff coming out.

1:22:07 Adam New and uninteresting. Okay. No, we can't do the lightning round tonight. Dr. Ben would cramp himself. He'd really get lost. He'd be uncomfortable.

1:22:21 Drew Is that the one where there's a bell goes off and you say, blah, blah, blah? Yeah, that's the one. Okay.

1:22:27 Adam I'll tell you what. Let's go crazy. All right. Well, why don't we do, we'll do like a modified lightning round. We'll just do like a five-minute lightning round.

1:22:38 Drew The last five minutes, that kind of thing?

1:22:39 Adam Yeah, we'll do it when we come back from the break. Yeah, we'll do the first five. All right. Derry? Derry?

1:22:46 Drew Derry, you've been waiting.

1:22:47 Caller Derry?

1:22:48 Adam Yes, you're 26.

1:22:49 Caller How are you doing?

1:22:50 Drew Good.

1:22:50 Adam What's up?

1:22:52 Caller I was adopted, and I was told that most likely I received hepatitis B from my mother, and I'm a carrier, but I was told it was dormant.

1:23:03 Drew Yeah. So you're not a chronic, active hepatitis B carrier? No.

1:23:08 Caller No, and I found out when I had my first child and that I had it.

1:23:13 Drew Right.

1:23:14 Caller And you see, my dad's a pediatrician, and nobody will give me any idea what's going on.

1:23:21 Adam Why wasn't your dad?

1:23:23 Caller I don't know. Maybe he thinks I'm going to die. I don't know. So it's just freaking me out more.

1:23:29 Drew So, Dari, just being a carrier.

1:23:31 Caller Terry, with a T.

1:23:33 Drew Oh, Terry, I'm sorry. So Terry, just being a carrier does not really increase your risk for the things that we really worried about with chronic hepatitis, and that would be for cirrhosis and in some cases for liver cancers.

1:23:48 Caller I heard it can become active though.

1:23:50 Drew Okay. So an easy way to do that is just to, you do have somebody who takes care of you, specifically an internist or a hepatologist, somebody specifically who deals with your hepatitis issues.

1:24:04 Caller My family doctor doesn't feel it's necessary.

1:24:07 Drew That's overwhelmingly true. So, Terry, what I would tell you is that at this point...

1:24:12 Adam Tell her to be quiet. Everyone, she's got ten doctors telling her to relax.

1:24:15 Drew Yeah.

1:24:16 Adam You should relax. You don't need one more.

1:24:17 Drew Yeah. This is really not going to be an active problem for you.

1:24:20 Adam I could really help you out around the office. I really could. I've done wonders with some of Drew's old patients.

1:24:26 Drew Yeah.

1:24:26 Adam I've yelled at them. People do need... Here's unfortunately what society has broken down into as far as patients. They're the people who have the pulsating softball-sized goiter on the forehead that they won't go get looked at. And then they're the people who are running to the doctor and demanding some vaccination every time they sneeze. Not a lot in between. You see what I'm saying? Yeah.

1:24:58 Drew You get all kinds. That's true.

1:25:00 Adam Yeah. You get the real pains in the ass. They think they're dying and they got to have something done about everything. And I know you guys are polite, but you got to start yelling at those people, because I believe they need it. I think that's what they need.

1:25:11 Drew Yeah.

1:25:12 Adam I think it makes them feel better when you go, hey, nut job, you're not dying, and stop wasting my time, and stop screwing your insurance carrier and go to hell home. And by the way, there are people who do need me who are waiting out in the lobby right now. So get the F out of here.

1:25:28 Drew You'd be a good receptionist in a doctor's office. You could triage all these kinds of patients from the real patients.

1:25:35 Adam If I see you in here sooner than 12 months, I will put a bullet in your head. You want something to worry about, I'll give you something to worry about. Some buckshot in your ass. Now hit the road. Unless you come in here dragging a bloody stump, I don't want to see you. Wow. That's what you need to do. And I especially get a lot of old broads are freaked out about their vagina. They're coming in every five minutes. You've got to get rough with those women. I've heard Drew on the phone with his old patients. Oh, no, no, no, Ms. Wittenberg. No, you're not listening. No, you must go. No, it's nothing to worry. I was, I may have been a little drunk, but we're in the back of a limb. I grabbed the phone out of the, out of his hand. I yelled, listen, you old codger, you go to goddamn hospital like Drew told you to go. And I threw the phone back at him because he'd been, I've been hearing this conversation for 10 minutes. He had, he was thankful. He was in his own, his own screwed up way. All right, let's talk to Chris over here, who's been on hold for 82 minutes for, with just a horrible question. Chris?

1:26:38 Caller Hey, how's it going guys?

1:26:39 Adam Good. You want to know about the penis pump?

1:26:41 Caller Yeah, and good and bad about it.

1:26:45 Adam Yeah. Well, they don't work as far as I know.

1:26:48 Caller They don't work?

1:26:50 Adam No.

1:26:51 Caller Okay.

1:26:52 Caller Why don't they?

1:26:53 Adam I don't know. Why doesn't the graviton ray work? You know what I mean? Why doesn't anything that's supposed to work, work or not work?

1:27:03 Caller Okay.

1:27:05 Adam Well, listen, there's a magical device that makes your penis bigger that costs $39.95 that advertises in the back of jugs. Why doesn't it work?

1:27:13 Magic wand makes my penis grow.

1:27:16 Adam It sucks blood into your penis, but you're... and they think they got it worked out mathematically, but it just doesn't do anything. It makes your penis bigger while the blood's in it, then the blood leaves, and your penis goes back to whatever size it was.

1:27:31 Caller Huh. Okay.

1:27:33 Adam Is your penis small?

1:27:34 Caller Uh, yeah.

1:27:35 Adam All right, then you better start working on your tongue. That's what women want anyway. You become like a magician with that tongue of yours. You move it like an auctioneer. You go down on women and they'll be happy. They won't worry about the size of your penis. All right, Chris? All right, thanks. All right. Stop focusing on the penis. Women hate guys who focus on the penis. Not because of the penis, because they're the kind of guy who gets obsessed with his penis. All right, let me talk to Sarah.

1:28:02 Caller Sarah?

1:28:04 Caller Yeah? Yeah.

1:28:06 Adam Your boyfriend is in love with you?

1:28:08 Caller That's what he says, yeah.

1:28:09 Adam Yeah, and you're not into her? Into him?

1:28:11 Caller Well, I like him right now.

1:28:13 Adam Right.

1:28:13 Caller He's just telling me he loves me and he wants to be with me forever.

1:28:16 Caller And I'm only thirteen.

1:28:17 Adam Yeah. He's clingy. He's freaking you out.

1:28:20 Caller I change my mind a lot. And I'm just like, no, leave me alone.

1:28:24 Adam Well, how old is he?

1:28:26 Caller He's thirteen also.

1:28:27 Caller He just turned fourteen.

1:28:28 Adam Yeah. And you're his first girlfriend?

1:28:31 Caller No, he's had a lot of other girlfriends.

1:28:32 Adam A lot of other girlfriends. And he's still got this clingy thing going. Yeah.

1:28:36 Caller He says they're like one time things. And he really, really loves me.

1:28:40 Adam Right. You guys are going to get married, start your own business in Hawaii. That's what I was going to do when I was 13.

1:28:46 Caller And Adam, I just got to say this. I love you.

1:28:49 Adam Thanks.

1:28:50 Caller You're awesome.

1:28:50 Adam Thank you, baby.

1:28:51 Caller Awesome.

1:28:52 Adam Appreciate that. Well, look.

1:28:54 Caller Why?

1:28:54 Adam Is the guy freaking you out because he says he loves you?

1:28:57 Caller A little bit, yeah.

1:28:58 Adam Okay. I think you need to tell him you're freaking me out without freaking him out. But I think this one ain't going to go another three weeks anyway. Because you already kind of decided you're heading out, right?

1:29:09 Caller Yeah.

1:29:10 Adam I mean, you're basically done with this, right?

1:29:12 Caller Yeah.

1:29:13 Adam And the more clingy he gets, the further you get out of the relationship.

1:29:17 Caller Yeah.

1:29:18 Adam Okay. So you're basically calling to say you want to break up with your boyfriend.

1:29:23 Caller Well, not right now, but I'm sure.

1:29:26 Adam In the next three days?

1:29:28 Caller He's not exactly the one.

1:29:31 Caller Yeah.

1:29:31 Adam Well, what about, don't worry about the one.

1:29:33 Drew You're 13.

1:29:34 Adam You enjoy the one.

1:29:35 Drew The one is a long way away.

1:29:36 Adam Right. You enjoy the guy?

1:29:38 Caller Yeah.

1:29:39 Adam All right. Well, if you enjoy him and he's not doing anything weird to you physically, hang in and see where it goes. Get to know him. Let's just tell him to calm down with the forever conversation, all right?

1:29:50 Caller Okay.

1:29:50 Adam And the good news is it won't be forever because even if you guys get married in a couple years, he'll dump you when he turns 40 and start banging his secretary. All right? So you got that to look forward to. All ladies do. Enjoy.

1:30:40 Caller Oh, yeah!

1:30:51 Caller Yeah, well, there's the Rockollas, smack down the middle of the road, and around, slow as eight and a half minutes of radio. Yeah, Dr. Drew is over in Italia, there hanging out with the Wabs and the Ginnies. Dr. Ben filled in OGBYN. I tell you, people pay him to look at their hooch all day. What a gig.

1:31:13 Adam That's my main main man name.

1:31:15 Caller Let's check the time real fast. It's 11 52 and 37. Seven minutes and 30 seconds away from the top of the hour, straight up to the witching hour. Smackdown in the middle of the best of the radio. I was rocking a little bit of that hot hot hot. It was hot on the bones. He was dying to move alive and I was like, hey, Katie.

1:31:34 Drew Yeah.

1:31:34 Caller Yeah, what's happening? No.

1:31:37 Caller Okay.

1:31:39 Caller Yeah, you want to know your boyfriend's got a large hunker, huh?

1:31:42 Drew Yeah.

1:31:42 Caller Yeah, you want to know if it can damage you?

1:31:44 Drew Yeah.

1:31:45 Caller No, I don't think it can hurt you physically. It can hurt your dad emotionally though when he sees that symbol out there. That's therapy. Am I right, Doc? That's therapy. Hey, Katie, we got to check the time real fast.

1:31:58 Adam It's 1153 and 15 seconds.

1:32:00 Caller That is 6 minutes and 45 seconds. We wait until the top of the hour straight up. Yeah, Katie, how big is this?

1:32:06 Caller It's like pretty large.

1:32:08 Caller It's like that.

1:32:10 Caller Well, don't get into too much detail. I don't know how to measure it. I don't even know about that guy. It's pretty wide around the can of corn.

1:32:20 Caller But the question is, I've heard that some people have to get stitches because it's so big.

1:32:25 Caller Oh, no. Dr. Ben, what do you hear about that piece? I don't know what's going on. Let me check the time. 1153 and 46 minutes and 15 seconds.

1:32:35 Adam Wait, stop there. Yeah.

1:32:36 Drew Katie, just don't go there. I mean, what's the point if you're going to get hurt?

1:32:43 Caller But I heard it, like, can't you have an orgasm through your butt?

1:32:52 Caller I did once when I was just a wet fart.

1:32:53 Adam No, really, can't you, though?

1:32:55 Drew Well, I do, you know, as far as the way your anatomy is going to work, that might help you, but I can tell you, overwhelmingly, I think you're going to run into some problems here.

1:33:06 Caller Katie, don't you let him put that big ham in your butt. You hear me? Baby, it's going to split you in two, all right? All right, just stay with the oral sex and the two-hand hand job. Let's check the time. Real fast, 11.54, 30 seconds. That is 30 seconds. Five minutes away to the top of the hour. You're smack dab in the middle of the line around. Fastest, eight and a half minutes of radio. Dr. Ben filled in for Dr. Drew. And let me tell you something, Dr. Ben, hot, hot, hot. We're going to take a little break. We're going to be back with more checks of the time after this. Be right back.

1:34:19 Adam Well, there it is, a two hours that just flew by like a...

1:34:27 Drew Melted away.

1:34:28 Adam It really did.

1:34:30 Drew Especially those last five minutes. That lightning round was great.

1:34:33 Adam Yeah, you enjoy Ace Rockolla.

1:34:35 Drew Yeah.

1:34:36 Adam No, that's great.

1:34:38 Drew That was fun.

1:34:38 Adam Drew crawls under the console every time Ace Rockolla comes out.

1:34:42 Drew I couldn't keep a straight. I could barely get to the question.

1:34:45 Caller It was great.

1:34:46 Adam Oh, God bless you. You'd be jaded if you hung out a few more nights. I want to thank Dr. Ben for coming in here and not only being informative, but really taken to the microphone like a fish to water. Totally natural, a wonderful, wonderful job and really, it was fun. Not a chink in this guy's armor. I really do appreciate you doing a wonderful job tonight. Thank you.

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Monday, July 23, 2001