Episode 1000754886992

1:02 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:13 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, and that is Dr. Drew over there. Dr. Drew, board certified internist and addiction medicine specialist, phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:26 Drew That's it.

1:27 Voiceover 1-800-LOVE-191. How are you doing there, Drew?

1:31 Drew No, Adam, where else are you going to get a chance to yap other than this show?

1:34 Adam Well, we were just talking to producer Ann about all the people that don't want to do this show, and I don't really have time to get into everyone specifically, but if you just close your eyes and picture some of the bigger, medium, and smaller stars out there, the people you see on television, you hear on radio, and you see in the movie theaters, those are the people that don't want to do this show, and I'm confounded by it each and every time, because these people are allegedly performers, artistes, comedians, people who allegedly have something to say, and I don't understand why they wouldn't love to get on this radio and just yap about anything. It's the easiest, funnest show I could imagine. Yeah. If I wasn't doing this show, I would love to do this show.

2:26 Drew When you weren't, you would.

2:27 Adam That's right. As it is now, I do the show, and I hate doing the show, but no.

2:31 Drew But before you did it, though, you loved it.

2:33 Adam I would do the show for free. This would be the easiest gig you'll ever have. Well, who? I mean, yeah, sure, everyone wants to say they went on The Tonight Show or Letterman or whatever, but you have such a limited amount of time, and you've got to pre-rehearse everything. And a lot of you aren't aware of this, but you do Leno, Letterman, Kilbourne, any of those shows, you sit down and talk to the producers days in advance, you work out all the questions and all the answers. It's so scripted and it's so rehearsed, and this show is so wide open, and I don't understand why these performers don't want to come on here and just get wide open. Now either they have something to hide or maybe what they have to hide is they're not as entertaining as...

3:20 Drew You are.

3:21 Adam Maybe society thinks they are. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but anyway, cowards, all of them. Drew, I got this test the doctor gave me. I have to wipe a little fecal matter into an envelope and send it back to him.

3:37 Drew We know you have blood out your rectum here, see? Look at that cholesterol, that's amazing.

3:43 Adam Yeah, what's my cholesterol, Drew?

3:45 Drew It's excellent.

3:45 What is it?

3:47 Drew Total is 190, LDL 98.

3:50 Adam Well, what should it be?

3:52 Drew Under 100 is considered outstanding.

3:54 Adam Yeah.

3:54 Drew And the HDL is 54.

3:56 Adam Yeah, what is that?

3:57 Drew It's a minor.

3:58 Adam Yeah?

3:58 Drew It's all right.

3:59 Adam Marginal?

3:59 Drew It's okay.

4:00 Adam It's okay. What's the...

4:01 Drew You should exercise more.

4:02 Adam Oh, how dare you. Why, what is it good at HDL?

4:06 Drew Eh, over 60.

4:07 Adam Oh, you want it higher?

4:08 Drew Yeah.

4:09 Adam With the one higher and the other one lower, right?

4:11 Right.

4:12 Adam Yeah, 54 is good, though, right?

4:14 It's not bad.

4:14 Drew It's not bad. It's not nearly as stellar as your 98. That's amazing.

4:18 Well, what is stellar?

4:19 Adam I mean, what's good about the 98 on the LDL?

4:22 Drew That's the one that your body lays down into the arteries. And that below 100, there's actually some evidence that you could reverse anything that's there, below 100.

4:31 Adam You mean, if I had some artery blockage?

4:33 Drew Right.

4:33 I could reverse it.

4:34 Adam I could. So I got, basically, Draino going through my veins, like that stuff, that STP fuel treatment. That's coursing through me.

4:44 Drew The mobile one?

4:46 Adam No.

4:46 Drew Oh, no.

4:47 Adam That's oil.

4:48 Drew Oh, that's the mobile cleansing gas.

4:49 Adam Yes. So, you take this, I'm not supposed to eat any red meat for five days, and then I'm supposed to take a little stool sample. And he was telling me like, well, it's a little difficult. I mean, you got to take some stool. I was like, done and done. Like cramp in the sink anyway. It's going to be no problem. Hey, I may have just cramped in the end. Do you cramp into the envelope and send it back?

5:14 Drew No, you could, I suppose. They'd be very impressed by that, but they just want a little smear there.

5:18 Adam I don't know. I got a big duke. They should examine all of it. Drew, as far as your bowel movement goes, if you take a fingernail full of your bowel movement...

5:30 Drew It's not like tracking bear, Adam.

5:32 Adam That fingernail full covers the entire bowel movement.

5:36 Drew You don't need that much, yeah.

5:38 Adam But you just spec the end of a toothpick.

5:41 Drew Yeah.

5:41 Adam And out of a whole bowel movement, and it's done. You know the contents of the entire bowel movement.

5:46 Drew Well, they're just looking for blood. Right. That's all that is.

5:49 Adam So you can't eat any red meat because then that would put some blood out of you?

5:53 Drew Possibly.

5:54 Adam They can't tell the difference between cow's blood and your blood? They don't want to bother.

5:59 Drew It's a heme check. Eric?

6:03 Oh, we're going to put the first idiot on the show?

6:06 Adam Yep. Go ahead. You're 18.

6:07 Caller Yeah. How come every time after I masturbate or whatnot or have sex, I always got to pee afterwards?

6:14 Adam That's how you're set up.

6:15 Drew You mean you have an urge to pee?

6:17 Caller Well, not an urge to pee. Like, everybody does it, man. Like, right afterwards, you gotta go to the bathroom.

6:22 Drew Yeah, you have an urge to pee.

6:23 Adam That's an urge to pee?

6:25 Caller Yeah, I'm stupid. I just...

6:26 Drew That's of course where you get the spray action right about then, too.

6:29 Adam Right. Because the first lump is a piece old semen that was stuffed.

6:33 Caller And Adam, can I ask you a question, man?

6:35 Oh, no. Yeah.

6:37 Caller Man, I like the Man Show, man. That's great. But I got to ask you a question. You should get Glenn Humphlick and Andy from the Conan Show with Jim Kimball. And that would be great, man. Put that on there. Because they're all funny people, man. And they're like the same. They're short. They're poor. They're a little pudgy. They're tight, man.

6:56 Adam Right. But here's the thing about funny people. I think he's talking about Glenn from the Tom Green Show. Funny people are few and far between in this business. You got to spread them out. You can't get them all together.

7:09 Drew Right. Not all the same show.

7:10 Adam Also, I would like to start cutting them off. Like, I'd like to do a game show that was hosted just by Jimmy's leg.

7:17 Drew Yeah. You're only a part of it, Jimmy. It sounds like when you're going to have a steak dinner, you'll then add like elk on top of that or turkey.

7:25 Adam Right. We're having lamb chops. Let's get some veal and some brisket on top of that. Now, you got your meat.

7:31 Drew You get the potatoes now.

7:33 Adam That's right. I don't know who the potatoes are, but that's right.

7:36 Crystal? Hi.

7:37 Adam You're 13?

7:38 Caller Yeah. All right.

7:39 Adam So anyway, you urinate after you have a-

7:43 Drew Your urethra's a little irritated at that point, so is your prostate, so you feel the need to pee.

7:47 Adam God does that to clean you out though, right? Because if there's anything crawling up your urethra, you pee it right now.

7:52 Drew It may help a little bit.

7:53 Adam Go ahead, Crystal.

7:55 Well, my boyfriend wants to date other people why he's dating me and I don't know what to say to that because I don't want to and I told him that I didn't want to.

8:02 Drew How old is he?

8:03 He is 15.

8:04 Adam He is 15?

8:05 Yeah.

8:05 Drew Okay.

8:06 And he told me that if I didn't let him, that he'd break up with me and then break, I mean, and then ask me back out. I told him I didn't, I wouldn't see it.

8:14 Drew Tell him to go to hell. Get rid of him. This is a bad guy.

8:18 But I don't know because like, he thinks I'm kidding around and he thinks that I think that he's kidding around too but, you know, it's really bad because I don't really feel like he's kidding around.

8:27 Drew He's not kidding around. So get rid of him.

8:30 All right.

8:30 Adam Hey, Crystal, turn your radio down.

8:33 Okay, I'm sorry.

8:34 Caller Okay.

8:35 Adam This is by the way, what it sounds like whenever you do those shows, like those cable shows where and from Los Angeles, Dr. Drew Pinsky's and you're wearing that earpiece. Hi. Hi. Cable shows. Cable shows. And from Los Angeles, Dr. Drew Pinsky's. Hello. And you're wearing that earpiece.

8:58 Caller Yeah.

8:58 Adam Hello.

9:01 Caller Cable shows.

9:03 Adam Can you hear me?

9:04 Caller Hello.

9:05 Drew That's the way it goes. That's the way it goes.

9:07 Caller That's exactly what it sounds like.

9:09 Adam And people wonder why you seem a little, and then they watch you go, you seem a little off.

9:13 Drew Distracted.

9:14 Adam You didn't talk for a long time. And then you talked right when that other guy talked.

9:18 Drew Here's what they don't know. There's a delay, so there's a little weird pause there. Then when you talk, you hear your voice again a few seconds later, and then there's another delay before the other person.

9:30 Adam The only thing I could liken it to was singing the National Anthem at Dodger Stadium.

9:35 Caller Oh, say, oh, say, can you, oh, say.

9:39 Adam Yeah, it was very hard. I had to plug one ear. That was on Frozen Ham Night. It was very, almost didn't get out of there alive. Emily?

9:49 Yeah?

9:50 Adam You're 20?

9:51 Caller Yep.

9:51 Adam What's up?

9:53 Caller Okay. I've been dating my boyfriend for about five months, and he is interested in having sex, and I'm all for it too, but I have a bunch of scars on my leg, and I'm not really sure how to explain them to him.

10:07 Drew From cutting?

10:07 Caller Yeah.

10:08 Drew You still cut?

10:09 Caller Yeah. I'm trying to stop.

10:12 Drew Are you in professional care?

10:14 Caller Yeah. I'm on a lot of medication. Does he know that? He knows that I see a psychiatrist, but he doesn't know why.

10:23 Adam Where are the scars on your leg?

10:25 Caller It's like my upper thigh.

10:28 Adam Why don't you tell him you got them during a prison break?

10:32 Caller No? Not good?

10:34 Caller I don't know. It's pretty obvious.

10:36 Drew The attack of some killer chickens?

10:38 Adam Yeah.

10:39 Drew Roosters?

10:41 Adam Say your aunt has a Siamese cat, and it was on your lap, and you're petting it, and the dog came running into the room, and the thing just peeled out on you, and you're wearing these loose-fitting culottes, and it didn't heal right, and it got infected.

10:57 Drew He'd buy it.

10:59 Adam If you're real specific, though. The Siamese cat will do that.

11:33 Drew He needs to know who you are, and you need him to know who you are, and what you're struggling with. It's all right.

11:38 Caller Okay. Really? Yeah.

11:39 Adam Well, look, the important thing is to stop, you know, Cut it. before you do it, before you talk to him.

11:45 Drew Do you have any fresh ones?

11:47 Caller Um, yeah.

11:48 Drew That's a little freaky.

11:49 Adam And they're all on the, do you say inner thigh?

11:52 Caller No, upper. Like, upper.

11:54 Adam The top.

11:54 Drew They do it right here.

11:55 Caller Yeah.

11:56 Adam Like above your knee.

11:56 Drew Yeah, like tic-tac-toe stuff?

11:59 Caller No, it's in lines, in rows.

12:02 Adam What happens when you have to put on a bathing suit?

12:05 Caller I don't really go swimming.

12:07 Adam Okay. All right. Well, he's a screwed up guy, too, right?

12:11 Caller Well, not really.

12:13 Adam He's not? He's a normal guy?

12:14 Caller As far as I know.

12:16 Adam Yeah? Okay. Well, he'll love you anyway. But take care of the cutting, and don't worry about him so much.

12:22 Drew Yeah. He's going to be having sex, and he'll be very happy.

12:25 Adam Right.

12:26 Drew They'll ask you later about those cars. Yeah. Is the guy going to break his stride for that?

12:30 Adam No.

12:30 Drew Is there anything that can make him break his stride? Unless he distracts the woman, right?

12:36 Adam Right.

12:36 Drew You know what I'm saying? It could freak him out. He doesn't care.

12:40 Adam Here's the point. When a guy's getting laid, especially for the first time, he doesn't bring up anything.

12:45 Drew Yeah. It's like a bird of prey or something, you know, tipping off one of its prey. I'm coming. I'm coming. So if you're...

12:55 Adam Right. That was a decent analogy to sort of peter out at the end.

12:59 Drew I couldn't quite deliver it. No, I couldn't get it.

13:01 Adam Well, here's where the problem was. It's a bird of prey, but which one? You see, you should have went with the eagle or hawk or something like that. And then he's tipping off his prey.

13:11 Drew The bunny rabbit. Right, right, right.

13:14 Adam Specific, specific there.

13:15 Drew I couldn't figure out how the bunny rabbit would have scars.

13:22 Adam Look, you could pull off a prosthetic leg and throw it into a ceiling fan and it probably wouldn't throw him off.

13:31 Caller Right?

13:31 Drew No, nothing. After he talked to you about it a little bit. Speaking of limbs coming off, do you hear about that shark attack? The kid got his arm torn off?

13:38 Caller Yeah.

13:39 Drew That's wild.

13:40 Adam You didn't hear about that?

13:41 Drew I was gone. That's when I was out of town. I just heard about it today.

13:43 Adam Well, let me tell you this. I, this uncle of his, the guy who saved him...

13:48 Drew He was chumming.

13:49 Adam This is a... was he?

13:51 Drew Turns out he was trying to get sharks.

13:53 Adam He was?

13:54 Drew And the kid walked out into it. Really? That's why non-attacking sharks attacked.

14:00 Adam So the guy... this is a story in Florida where the 8-year-old kid got his arm taken off.

14:04 Drew It's also why he was prepared to handle these sharks and, you know...

14:07 Adam Oh, alright.

14:07 Drew He was actually shark fishing at the time. He wanted to bring the sharks in.

14:11 Adam Well, he's been... That's what I heard... .tarnished a little in my mind.

14:14 Drew That's what I heard. Well, how do you...

14:16 Adam what do you mean? You got an 8-year-old, you're chumming the waters and he decides to go out waiting and you're just standing there?

14:21 Drew Let's think of our college for a second.

14:23 Adam Okay.

14:23 Drew Okay.

14:23 Adam Alright. And he does come from Florida. Right. Right.

14:28 Drew And how else did he know to open the shark up and kind of kill it? And I mean, who was he?

14:32 Adam Well, he did seem to be right. I think he shot the thing.

14:34 Drew Yeah, he knew exactly what to do.

14:35 Adam But he dragged the thing in and opened his mouth, pulled the... that's an uncle. Let me tell you, if my dad was on that beach and I was getting eaten by a shark, he would have been in the car, would have heard the car backfire. The last thing I would have heard was the car backfire and seeing just the taillights, my dad's old VW bug in the distance as he burned rubber for home. No, not even home. I think he would have got something to eat. Maybe drive through and then home. This guy pulls this eight-foot bull shark up onto the sand, opens its mouth, pulls his nephew's arm out, and by the way, where is your mind at on the adrenaline level when you're doing that kind of thing? You know what I mean? When you're fishing your eight-year-old nephew's arm out of the mouth of a bull shark, you've got to be just flying. I mean, someone could have put a sprinkler key in his back and he probably would have just kept going, right?

15:28 Drew Sure.

15:29 Adam He's got the shark's mouth open, he pulls it, so he goes into the water, I think, he drags the shark up onto the beach, then he pulls the arm out, then I think he shoots the shark.

15:39 Drew Then he shoots it?

15:40 Adam Or maybe he shoots it, then pulls the thing out. Whatever it is, I want to party with this guy. This guy is ready. You know those movies where people panic and they freeze and they don't know what to do and they start running for the phone? No, not this dude.

15:53 Drew G. Gordon Liddy.

15:54 Adam He's into the water.

15:55 Drew Yeah.

15:55 Adam I like that guy. Rebecca?

15:58 Hello?

15:58 Adam You're 16?

16:00 Caller Yeah.

16:00 Adam What's up?

16:01 Caller Okay, well, I'm pretty much straight, yeah, but I definitely am attracted to guys, but sometimes I find myself looking at girls, like my friends and whatnot, but, you know, it kind of freaks me out, you know, I want to know how I know for sure. If I'm...

16:20 Drew At 16, you don't... Your compass is going all different directions. You're trying to figure out who you are, what you are, what your sexual orientation is.

16:26 Caller Yeah.

16:27 Drew It's all right. All these feelings will sort themselves out with time.

16:30 Caller Yeah, but like in my family, I'm not sure, but whatever, it seems to me that they're like... It seems that there is homosexuality going on in my family, you know, a lot. Like, my uncle, I'm not sure about, but my mom, she's lesbian.

16:46 Adam Your uncle's gay?

16:48 Caller I'm not sure.

16:48 I think he might...

16:49 Drew That's your mom's brother?

16:50 Yeah, my mom's brother.

16:51 Adam See, he wouldn't have gone into the water to get that bull shark out. I'll tell you that right now.

16:56 Caller I'm not sure. Not to say about us, no.

16:58 Adam And your mom is a lesbian?

17:01 Drew Are you worried that there's some sort of genetic predisposition in your family?

17:03 Caller I'm not quite sure.

17:05 Drew I've never heard, I've never seen a study where a family was sort of looked at for the genetic elements of predisposition for homosexuality.

17:13 Adam It's not like breast cancer.

17:14 Right.

17:15 Adam Look at it this way. You got it out of your system. You got one gay in the family and there, you filled your quota. You can't be gay.

17:23 Drew Yeah. You're right. The statistics go against you.

17:27 Adam Well, it's true.

17:28 Drew A little bit.

17:28 Adam Rebecca? Yeah. Have you ever been with a woman?

17:32 Caller Oh, no, no. But because I don't know what to think. Obviously, I'm only 16. As you said, my compass is whatever.

17:40 Drew Yeah. But listen, just relax. In our culture, even women that are clearly heterosexual find other women attractive and sexually arousing. That's just the way our culture is.

17:50 Caller It's not just finding women attractive. It's like, if I'm online or whatever, I go like on female websites, whatnot, and I don't know, I'm like, whoa, stop this, but I can't. It just turns me on and I don't know.

18:07 Caller Oh, baby.

18:09 Adam Have you been with a guy?

18:11 Caller Oh, yeah.

18:12 Caller Okay.

18:12 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

18:14 Caller Not right now.

18:16 Adam Do you have any brothers or sisters?

18:17 Caller I have one brother.

18:18 Drew Do you have any history that might have made you confused about your sexual orientation?

18:24 Caller What do you mean?

18:24 Drew I don't know. Anything happened to you growing up that might have made it difficult to figure out what you are?

18:29 Caller Oh, no, no, no. It's... No, my family is pretty sane. Well, for any family as it could be. But, you know...

18:38 Caller All right. Listen.

18:40 Adam You're not a lesbian.

18:42 Drew Not now. Not at this moment.

18:44 Adam Okay.

18:44 Caller Oh, no. I know I'm not. I'm definitely attracted to guys.

18:47 Drew All right. Then relax.

18:48 Adam All right. You're a little curious. That's fine. Just relax.

18:52 Caller Okay.

18:53 Adam All right. It's no big deal. It's okay to do a little exploring and have a little curiosity. Don't question yourself.

19:00 Caller Okay.

19:00 Adam Just don't do anything ever with anyone. All right. That's my message, everyone. Don't beat yourself up.

19:08 Drew Don't feel bad about yourself.

19:10 Adam That's right.

19:10 Drew Stay to yourself.

19:11 Adam Stay home.

19:12 Drew Keep yourself.

19:13 Adam Watch the TV. That's all you need to do. Danny?

19:17 Drew Yeah.

19:17 Adam What's going on? You're 14?

19:19 Caller I'm 14.

19:20 Adam You have a poem about me?

19:21 Caller I have a poem about you, Adam.

19:22 Adam Yeah. This really sounds tantalizing. It says it's not that good or accurate on the screen.

19:27 Drew That's why I haven't picked this call yet.

19:30 Ridiculous.

19:30 Caller All right. Here it goes.

19:32 Adam Go ahead.

19:33 Adam Corolla is my god. In the man-show dressing room, he shot his wad. He enjoys Playboy and midget stump porn. God bless the day this wonderful man was born. The women all want him. The men want to be him. And he's never even had to step foot in a gym. He doesn't depend on lube. He beats his meat dry. Him and Drew never see things eye to eye. He's on Cavity Central every Sunday night. Between me and the juggies, it was love at first sight. All of Adam's words just flow from welcome to love line to mahalo. I love Adam, yes it's true, but gay porn still makes me go eww. Wow.

20:09 Caller That's a good poem.

20:10 Adam Not bad, not bad.

20:11 Thank you.

20:12 Adam Not bad at all. 14?

20:14 Drew What would you have produced at 14?

20:16 Adam The Man From Nantucket, right?

20:17 I know, right.

20:18 Adam That's good. The only inaccurate part is I don't like midget stump porn. You are a fan. No, no.

20:25 Drew You've said that.

20:26 Adam No, I may have said that. That's fine. That's fine. And I used to work at a gym. Other than that, it's completely accurate. That's good.

20:36 Drew How did we go from... To working progress. I want to know what was going on in his head that he went from beating it dry to you and I not seeing eye to eye. That's the transition that freaked me in a little bit.

20:47 Adam I like that one. And that's true. And I've saved millions of dollars in lubrication over the years.

20:52 I'm a dry beater.

20:54 Adam Smart. Smart. I would tell, if I have a son, I will tell him beat it dry, get used to it son. If you ever get trapped down the plane, you're out in the desert, you have to survive. Of course, you have to beat off. You will be able to achieve that.

21:09 Drew Man show commercial here.

21:11 Adam Thank you.

21:11 Football practice. You got to practice in the rain because you play games in the rain.

21:14 Adam That's right. All right. Thank you, Dan. That was wonderful.

21:18 Drew Wouldn't that be a case for using lube?

21:20 Adam The rain? No. Oh yes. Because you use, because there's a lubrication when you're with a woman.

21:25 Caller Yeah.

21:27 Adam That's a good point.

21:27 What the hell is he talking about?

21:29 Drew 14. It's going to break.

21:30 Adam Let's not burst this bubble.

21:32 Caller Elizabeth?

21:33 Caller Hey.

21:33 Adam You're 15? Stop banging around that mic. What's your place? What's up?

21:38 Caller Okay. I have a little brother and lately I've noticed that he's been like acting really gay and I wanted to know if in any way that could be my fault.

21:50 Adam Hold on. Hold on. That doesn't rhyme at all. If acting really gay and if it could be my fault in any way would rhyme. But don't put way before the last word of the sentence. Right, Drew?

22:01 Drew Yeah.

22:01 Caller Right.

22:01 Drew It wouldn't work.

22:02 Adam Okay. It may be your fault.

22:06 Drew How did you do this to him?

22:08 Caller Like when we were smaller, like I would always put makeup on him. And then like whenever I'm around him, I'm always like telling him, oh, look at that guy or like, oh, that guy is hot and just stuff like that.

22:21 Drew No, that doesn't affect sexual orientation. No. The makeup thing is a little trouble.

22:27 Adam Really?

22:27 Drew That he allowed her to do that.

22:29 Adam Well, he was a lady.

22:30 Caller He's 13.

22:32 Adam Well, how old was he when he put the makeup on him?

22:34 It was like last year, when he was 12 and I was like 14.

22:38 Caller He used to always play tricks on me and my friends when we were asleep, like just pour honey in our hair.

22:43 Drew So you put the makeup on while he was asleep?

22:45 Caller Well, no. We got him and one of my friends held him down and I just put lipstick on him.

22:49 Adam All right.

22:50 Caller Then we threw him outside and locked him out.

22:52 Drew All right. That's assaulting him.

22:53 Adam Yeah, that's fine.

22:54 Drew That's healthy. That's okay.

22:56 Caller But he put honey in my hand.

22:57 Drew His friends will do far worse things to him.

22:59 Adam Do you think he's gay?

23:01 Caller Well, I don't know because he just always like, he'll look at guys sometimes and then he moves his hands and he talks in that way when he talks.

23:09 Drew Leave him alone.

23:10 Adam He's fine.

23:11 Drew Whatever he is, he's fine.

23:13 Adam All right.

23:13 Drew Because that's not about you.

23:15 Adam Yeah.

23:15 Caller I love you.

23:16 Adam I love you too, Elizabeth.

23:18 Caller Thank you.

23:18 Adam Thanks. You got a younger sister for me?

23:21 No.

23:22 Drew He's coming to meet you.

23:23 Adam 15.

23:24 Caller Oh, yeah.

23:24 I'm going to go meet you.

23:25 Adam All right.

23:26 Caller I'll pretend I'm 18, OK?

23:27 Caller All right.

23:27 Adam I'll see you soon.

23:28 Caller All right. Bye.

23:29 Caller All right.

23:30 Adam Bring that fake ID.

23:31 Caller Yeah.

23:32 Adam You can't turn your brother gay that way, can you?

23:35 Caller No.

23:35 Adam I used to love... You know, one thing you miss when you move out, you stop living with people is torturing them while they're asleep.

23:43 Caller Yeah.

23:44 Adam My friend Chris, his little brother, I lit a firecracker off in his room while he was asleep on his bunk bed.

23:50 Drew Yeah.

23:51 Adam You know what I think was funny?

23:52 Drew He didn't wake up.

23:52 Adam He didn't budge. I lit one firecracker off, I threw it just inside the door and I shut the door. Pow! I'm a regular firecracker. Yeah. No. So I lit another one off and put a little closer. You know, he was on the top bunk, nothing. So I set the next one just right on the edge of the bunk and lit it off. Now when he woke up, it was great. It's always great to see a person wake up out of it with the remnants of what you did to them on them. Yeah. He had the paper from the firecracker in his hair and there was still like a smog. There was a cloud of smoke in the room.

24:26 Drew He's running out of the room yelling at you.

24:28 Adam No, no. He's groggy. He's looking around. What's up? What's funny? My buddy Ray later broke his arm when they were wrestling.

24:35 Drew Same night?

24:37 Adam It could have been a week later. All right. What do you want to do here, Drew?

24:39 Drew Take a break?

24:40 Adam Who are we going to talk to when we come back?

24:43 Drew Oh, this woman, Haley, was on the board last night. Let's get her again tonight.

24:48 Caller All right.

24:48 Adam She has a hard time saying no to older guys. We'll talk to her after this.

24:55 Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready.

24:59 Caller Hey, everybody.

24:59 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Let's hop back on the phones and speak to Haley. Haley?

25:10 Hi.

25:10 Adam Sixteen?

25:11 Yeah.

25:12 Adam What's up?

25:12 Okay. I just want to start by saying that I love you guys. I listen to the show religiously.

25:17 Adam Thank you.

25:17 Yeah. Okay. So, I called one time last summer about being attracted to older guys, but now it's progressed and I'm not really being able to say no to them, like when they asked me to do stuff.

25:28 Drew Like what?

25:29 Like, I mean, I could practically hate this person and like they're like, oh, make out with me. And I'm like, okay.

25:36 Adam How about a BJ?

25:39 Maybe.

25:40 Adam No, I mean, I was asking. I mean, with that.

25:42 Yeah, sure.

25:42 Adam No. Are you having sex with these guys?

25:45 No.

25:46 Drew How much older?

25:48 Anywhere from 17 to 27.

25:50 Adam You're just making out with them?

25:52 And making out leads to like third base.

25:57 Adam This third base oral sex?

25:59 Yeah.

26:00 Adam How many times you have done the BJ round?

26:03 Like twice, but.

26:06 Adam It's not too much.

26:07 Caller It's bad.

26:08 And I like attach myself. Is that bad?

26:11 Drew You attach yourself to the guy?

26:13 Adam To the guy's penis?

26:14 No, to the guy. Like emotionally.

26:16 Drew Oh, yeah. That's not good. So what's up with you?

26:19 Well, the same thing happened last year when I called because Stryker was subbing. Lovely. And it's like, I don't have a dad.

26:31 Adam Okay.

26:31 Point blank.

26:32 Drew Does your dad do anything before he left you?

26:35 He impregnated my mom.

26:37 Caller That's about it.

26:39 Adam So he abandoned the family.

26:41 Drew Were you victimized in any other way?

26:43 Well, my mom had a jerk off of a boyfriend.

26:46 Drew What did he do to you?

26:47 Well, he hit me. I mean, he doesn't even know me, but he hit me.

26:51 Adam I always love when a guy does that, just comes in a new house, starts beating whatever kids are there. That's a lovely, lovely individual.

26:59 Drew Yeah.

27:00 Adam Okay. Well, there you go.

27:01 Drew You've had some stuff go down. And the sense that you can't say no, you sort of fall under someone's spell when they ask you to do things. That's what a victim does. So you got to stop being a victim, first of all. Secondly, obviously, you got to stop looking for a male figure. You got to stop. It's not it's not the way you're going to find a relationship.

27:22 Adam Yeah.

27:22 Drew And then work on finding a relationship. But take your time with these things and really establish a contact with someone, a connection.

27:27 Adam Drew, I don't think what men do this, but it did. Well, you may have, because you were kind of awkward in a wuss, but a passionate, passionate, passionate wuss in high school. Did you ever feel like you needed a woman to sort of complete you, make you whole?

27:47 Drew I don't know I had that thought, but I certainly behave like that.

27:50 Adam Well, you were clinging.

27:51 Caller Yeah. Oh yeah.

27:53 Adam But that's almost just more for yourself than it is for her and her role in your life.

27:59 Drew Yeah.

27:59 Adam I mean, that's just insecurity and neuroses, but it's not really about them.

28:04 Drew Right.

28:05 Adam And I suppose Haley may be doing the same thing, but I've always sort of felt life-wise that...

28:12 Drew You'd be better off without a woman. You'd be better off with another man.

28:17 Caller Yes.

28:18 Adam Yes. A passionate man like yourself. No, I mean, life-wise, I always thought... I thought, I need my friends. I gotta eat. I gotta make some money. I gotta do something with my career. I gotta do something. I got stuff I want. Do you know what I'm saying?

28:36 Drew Yeah, I understand.

28:37 Adam But I never had that, like, I need a woman. Now, I'd like a woman. I'd like to hang with a woman, and I'd sure like to be distracted by a woman, but I didn't feel like there was a part of me that was empty that they were going to fill up.

28:50 Drew No. I had an I need piece, but not going to fill something empty, no.

28:55 Adam And I think, and I feel bad for a lot of young girls who when they're 16, 17, 18, they're calling the show, they should be just focusing on where am I going to go to college? What am I going to do for a living? That's right. How am I going to have a good life? What do I want to do? Do I want to travel? Do I want to explore? What is it that I want? But instead, they're trying to make some 24-year-old doofus happy.

29:18 Drew Listen, the people who study some of the male-female behaviors in adolescence suggest that the women are looking for interpersonal competency and the men are looking for individuation.

29:30 Adam Yeah.

29:31 Drew What does that mean? Men are trying to break free, be by themselves. Women are trying to form relationships and form them well.

29:37 Adam Right. As 18, 19, 20-year-old guys, we just dumped that sack of a mom we had for the last 20 years. We need a little breathing room. Now, you guys are trying to reel us back in.

29:48 Drew Other data suggests that 65% of women going to college want to find a husband in college. 65%?

29:54 Adam Okay, there's nothing.

29:55 Drew This is 0% of college.

29:57 Adam There's nothing wrong with having a kid and making a home and all that kind of stuff.

30:01 Drew Of course.

30:02 Adam Or being in a great, monogamous relationship, getting married, all that's fine. But you ladies that are 16, 17 in that high school range, start thinking like guys.

30:13 Drew No, no.

30:13 Adam No, I don't mean sexually. I mean, guys look out for themselves. Guys are thinking about playing football, playing baseball, and going off somewhere to college, or going to mechanic school.

30:25 Drew More importantly, they need to realize fully how guys think.

30:29 Adam Right.

30:29 Drew And not expect them to think differently than they do.

30:32 Adam Steve?

30:33 Yeah.

30:33 Adam You're 35?

30:34 Caller Yeah.

30:35 Adam What's up?

30:36 Adam.

30:37 Adam Steve.

30:37 Hello.

30:39 Adam Good to talk to you.

30:41 I've always wanted to get on Loveline. Question for you, Adam.

30:45 Adam Yeah.

30:46 It's about the statute of limitations on seeing a buddy's old girlfriend.

30:53 Drew Why don't you get out the Geneva Convention.

30:55 Adam All right. It's right in front of me.

30:57 I thought this was a good subject for Adam. An old good friend of mine, known 10 or 12 years, dated this gal, I guess 12 or 13 years ago. She's been married since then. He actually put us together and then kind of pulled back and said, oh, I just thought you guys would be friends.

31:13 Drew What happened to her marriage?

31:16 I don't know the details. I don't know her that well yet.

31:18 Adam Okay.

31:18 Drew So she's already been married, not to this, your ex-friend, your friend.

31:22 No, no, no, no.

31:22 Drew All right, this is a whole, this is a game on. This is free and clear.

31:25 Adam Because there was a-

31:27 Drew Somebody else's husband.

31:27 Adam There was a penis, there was a penis in between your friend's penis and your penis. Otherwise you'd be rubbing penises.

31:35 What if he still has aspirations that he could see himself in that position?

31:39 Drew He set you up, right?

31:40 Well, he did, but then he kind of said, well, I was just thinking you guys would be friends.

31:46 Drew Well, maybe he knows something about her that he's afraid you're gonna blame him for.

31:51 Caller Oh, what's that mean?

31:52 Adam No, I don't know what you mean.

31:53 Drew Maybe she's a little something going on and he doesn't want to screw his friend up by getting them together.

31:58 Adam No, guys, he wouldn't. Guys, they're not that unselfish. Is that what you're saying?

32:02 Yeah.

32:03 Adam No. Now, he blew it. I mean, did he dump her?

32:07 No, no. I think she got married.

32:10 Adam Well, so she dumped him?

32:12 Yeah.

32:13 Adam Well, here's the thing about the friend thing and dating the friend's ex. A lot of it is based on who dumped who.

32:20 Drew Yeah. Really, the friend can tell you if he's done or not.

32:23 Adam Well, here's what I'm saying. I like to liken everything to a car.

32:27 Drew Yeah, of course.

32:28 Adam But here's the deal. If you're driving a car for a couple of years and then you go, man, I'm tired of this car, I'm going to sell it and get a new car. You don't really care if your friend drives the car you're selling. But if that car gets repossessed and you see your friend in it, or that car gets stolen and you see your friend in it, or your friend steals that car and you weren't done with it, that car left you. That's a different situation, right? So he did not leave, she left him, which ups the ante a little bit. But it's been a million years. It's been 13 years, Steve, 12 years? Yeah. That's long enough. And your friend, shouldn't he be moving on a little bit?

33:13 Caller Oh yeah, I would think so. But he's a good friend and just wanted to get someone else's perspective on this before we have to sit down and talk about it.

33:24 Adam Well, do you have to sit down with him?

33:26 Caller Yeah, I feel like I do.

33:27 Adam All right, well why don't you?

33:29 Drew Let him talk for himself.

33:30 Adam I don't know, he's a good friend. Why don't you talk to him and just tell him you're interested and just have a heart to heart and give him a chance and do this. This is what I do because it makes people do stuff they don't want to do and that's what I'm all about. You say to the guy, look, I'm interested in this girl, but if you're still interested in her, if you, you know what you like to do? You put people in bad positions. If you say to me right now, I forbid you from dating this girl, hey, I'll back off. And then, you know, everyone's knee-jerk reactions, oh, no, no, no, no, no. If you tell me I can't date her, hey, I won't date her. I respect you, man. And of course the answer is always like, oh, no, no, I wouldn't tell you what to, okay, thanks. I'll be banging her this weekend. Hey, Drew, what is that about, you know I ran into today at the car wash? And let me tell you something what I like about the car wash, by the way.

34:22 Drew Just tell me who you ran into.

34:23 Adam No, I'll tell you why I like the car wash. You guys tell me if you can identify with this. Car wash has carte blanche to sell anything they want inside of their little boutique while you're waiting around.

34:39 Drew Why do they choose cards and smelly things that hang from your rearview mirror?

34:43 Adam That's not my point. The point is they sell everything.

34:45 Drew Yeah.

34:47 Adam You go in there, you can get anything. And the upper scale ones sort of stick to the car theme a little bit.

34:52 Drew I was going to say the car theme is there.

34:53 Adam The car theme is always there. But you go down to the Hollywood one. I was down on Gower in Santa Monica. It's a little slice of Mexico down there. They were selling a crossbow pistol.

35:05 Drew Oh my God.

35:07 Adam Bongs, pipes, skateboards, roller blades, boom boxes. There was a back support, you know, those elastic things that go around your back. They had like some workout apparatus, like some free weights and stuff, along with the cards, the air fresheners, and everything else. And I just thought, wow, that's what I love about car wash. You sell whatever you want. When you're in there, and I was seriously looking at that crossbow. When you're captive, when your car's not coming around for another 12 to 18 minutes and you're just sitting there, you start eyeballing stuff. You're like, yeah, I need one of those bow pistols. Sure, why not? I mean, I don't want a gun, but a bow pistol? That's a noble way to kill somebody. And then I was like, thinking, oh, maybe I'll pick up a bong, a bow pistol, and one of these air fresheners. Oh, give me that back support. And how about that tennis bracelet for my lady friend? I mean, this was crazy, but I ran into the guy who used to be the hairdresser on Love Line, the TV show.

36:14 Drew Oh, Michael.

36:15 Adam No, Troy.

36:17 Drew Oh, Troy, yeah.

36:17 Adam Yeah, whose name, because it's a weird name.

36:20 Drew You could not.

36:20 Adam And let me tell you about all you guys out there with weird names. They don't stick that well.

36:24 Drew No.

36:24 Adam They don't have the adhesion quality of a Dave or Rick or Bob. You know what I'm saying?

36:30 Drew Yeah.

36:30 Adam They don't come flying out. So he sat down and we was talking. And I was thinking the whole time, what the hell is this guy's name? And he was talking and I was talking. And then you know what you do? You overcompensate by really proving to them you know them. Yeah. Yeah.

36:46 Drew Remember that time?

36:47 Adam I remember when I, oh, I used to look forward to sitting in that chair and have you work on my hair because that's what you do. You're the hair guy and you worked on Loveline in the last season.

36:57 Drew We went to their season and a half.

36:58 Adam Yeah. I saw you at that wrap party. Great. Great. How's that, you know, you always wear that red shirt. Boy, I remember that one. I remember that one. And it looks like you cut your mustache off. Yeah. And the whole time you're thinking, what the hell is the guy's name? What the hell is the guy's name? What the hell? But if I can just keep pouring on details about how well I know him, he's not going to sweat it. And then the beauty about, the great thing about life is you're talking, talking, then my car comes up and I give the old, oh, there's my car. And he goes, well, and they always make sure and do this. Well, Adam, it was great seeing you, Adam. You know, and you're like, yeah, it's good seeing you, buddy. And then you get in your car and the door shuts and you put it in gear and you go, Troy. And then now it's weird. Now it's like, now you want to like yell something out the window. See you, Troy. Bye, Troy. But now it's too late. But I want to like, you know, send the guy a letter saying, dear Troy, dear Troy, Troy, Troy.

37:55 Drew I really hate that.

37:56 Adam And you do it as much as I do, right?

37:58 Drew Oh yes.

37:59 Caller All right.

38:00 Drew Let's go to break.

38:01 Caller All right.

38:01 Adam When we come back, we'll speak to Chris. It's 34. I asked a girl out, but she didn't say no right away. Can you ask her again? This is going to get ugly after this.

38:20 Caller This is John Favreau, and you're listening to Love Line with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

38:25 Caller Yes, you is.

38:26 Adam It is Love Line. That was Drew's favorite, John Favreau. Got a new movie out. It's supposed to be real good, Drew. Nice. 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Let's get to Chris. Chris is 34.

38:41 Caller Hi, I'm Dr. Drew.

38:43 Adam Hi, Chris.

38:44 Caller I've heard your show before and you've given some good advice and I'm hoping you can help me. Basically, my situation is I've known this woman for about nine months now and really attracted to her. I mean, I felt like I was struck by lightening when I first heard her. And ever since then, it's been kind of like a rollercoaster ride a bit. I don't know if she's attracted to me. We've had many conversations and she called me up and we've, you know, I'm actually, you know, had, you know, talked a lot.

39:24 Drew How old is she?

39:25 Caller I'm sorry?

39:26 Drew How old is she?

39:27 Caller She's six years younger than I am.

39:28 Drew And why did you ask her out?

39:29 Caller Well, I did ask her out. I've asked her out before.

39:32 Drew And what does she say?

39:32 Caller Well, she had just broken up with her boyfriend. This is about, I've known her about...

39:37 Drew I don't see anyone.

39:39 Adam Drew, have you ever known of, heard of, or met a woman or read about a woman who broke up with her boyfriend, was single, but met a guy that really liked it and didn't go out with them?

39:50 Drew No.

39:50 Adam That's the whole point.

39:51 Drew They had that guy lined up three weeks before she broke up. What are you talking about?

39:54 Caller Right.

39:55 Drew And you got to get down to this one.

39:56 Caller You may see me. I was screwed right from the beginning.

39:58 Drew And you're listening to this?

39:59 Adam I love this. I've had girlfriends, I've had girlfriends where we broke up that night and I called the next morning, it's like, we got to reconcile. They're like, I'm seeing somebody. You just left last night. Well, yeah, they had it lined up. They lined it up, right? Yeah. So she broke up with someone and that's why she doesn't want to see you?

40:18 Caller I don't know.

40:18 Adam So she was still with the guy? You guys could go out or?

40:21 Caller No, no. She had just broken up with him. This is a month ago.

40:24 Drew He missed the point. He missed the point.

40:27 Caller Right.

40:28 Adam She just broke up with him.

40:31 Caller And I had asked her out after that. Right.

40:35 Adam And what did she say when he asked her out?

40:38 Caller It wasn't a good time. Right. But since then, for the last six months, we've, you know...

40:46 Drew Become pretty good friends?

40:48 Caller Yeah. And, I mean, more than I've ever been a friend with a girl before, you know, with a woman before.

40:53 Adam Well, right. Because you're highly motivated.

40:55 Drew Yeah. You want to land this one.

40:57 Caller Well, I do. Big time. Right. I mean, she's everything I've ever, you know...

41:02 Drew What is it about her that you find so attractive?

41:05 Caller Well, okay. Just a little quick background. I'm a musician and she's a dancer. What does that mean, dancer? Beyond that, I mean, everything that I admire in a woman or looking for in a woman, such as being hot and sexy and...

41:23 Adam What kind of dancing does she do?

41:26 Caller Go-go. Not pop-less.

41:29 Adam Where does she go-go dance?

41:31 Caller I can't give that away.

41:32 Adam Well, how many...

41:35 Caller Well, let's just put it this way.

41:37 Adam How many go-go bars are there these days? Hollywood Gardens? Hollywood a-go-go?

41:43 Caller I don't know. I don't know that place.

41:45 Adam Oh, no. I hit it. That's over in North Hollywood.

41:47 Caller But regardless, the point being is that she's intelligent, she's witty.

41:53 Adam Unless there's no doubt she's a dynamite lady and a hell of a catch.

41:57 Caller Extremely.

41:58 Adam Yeah, you just can't... We're not arguing about that. There's a... Nicole Kidman's a nice catch, too.

42:05 Caller Well, yeah.

42:06 Adam You ain't getting her, either.

42:07 Caller Well, yeah, I know that. But Nicole Kidman doesn't call me up and speak to me for six hours or talk to me last night about something.

42:13 Adam About other dudes.

42:14 Drew What is she talking about?

42:15 Caller Oh, just her feelings and stuff. I'm one of those nice guys who just listen and, you know, then be...

42:22 Drew Her feelings about what?

42:23 Caller About everything, about her life.

42:26 Drew What did she talk about last night?

42:30 Caller Oh, she came to a show, you know, we had a little show at a club, and she was going off about how she was feeling. Her, she went with her sister, and how she was feeling. You know, kind of like neglected in a certain respect as far as, you know, her sister kind of like, she feels more prettier than she is. And you know, and I don't think that, I think she's right.

42:53 Drew She's calling for a little bit of an ego massage.

42:56 Adam Let me explain something. Hold on a second. Here's what women do, and it's very cruel, and guys wouldn't do this. If a guy's not interested in a woman.

43:04 Drew That's it.

43:05 Adam A guy does not want to have his ego stroke by somebody he don't want to have. That means zero. If you're some big fat homely chick, and you're telling me I'm the cat's pajamas, I don't care. As a matter of fact, a guy would take one hot chick, telling him he was hot, rather than a million chicks he wasn't attracted to, telling him how hot he was, how handsome he was, how smart he was, how sexy he was.

43:32 Drew I think what he would hear from those million is just wah-wah, wah-wah, or he wouldn't hear it.

43:36 Adam No, you just hear, you just hear ugly and desperate. That's the mantra. Well, here's the point. You don't want to hear it. Why? There's nothing in it for you. I mean, why, what's in it for you? As a guy, women will do this.

43:48 Drew Yeah, guys are just, listen, they're fishing for compliments just to set their number. Trying to figure out where they fit.

43:54 Adam Right. Right. We want to get laid, too. I mean-

43:57 Drew But you want to know, if this one finds me attractive, then one like that elsewhere.

44:02 Adam Yeah, but even that isn't worth the work for guys. But a woman will hang out with a guy who makes them feel good. A lot of women, especially go-go dancers, like to have a guy around to make them feel like a queen. And it's sort of, it's their posse is what it is. And I think that's what Chris has turned into here.

44:24 Caller Yeah, but I don't, I'm not a groupie or a fan.

44:26 Adam No, you're her posse.

44:27 Drew You're her girlfriend.

44:29 Caller I mean-

44:29 Adam You're one of her girlfriends.

44:30 Drew Yeah, you're her girlfriend.

44:31 Adam Thank you, Drew. So, listen, Chris, here's what you've got to do. When is the last time you asked her out?

44:36 Caller I just asked her out today. That's why I'm calling you guys.

44:38 Adam And what did she say?

44:39 Caller I asked her out. She wanted to go have sushi. And she said not, she couldn't, she couldn't give me a reason why she couldn't, but she said not right now and I asked her if I could ask her out again.

44:51 Drew All right, Chris, Chris, Chris, hold on, hold on.

44:53 Adam And what did she say when you said could you ask her out again?

44:56 Caller Yeah, she said she would think about it.

45:00 Drew Oh, think about whether you could have...

45:04 Adam Ooh, F-word there, Anderson.

45:06 Caller I'm sorry.

45:07 Adam Yeah, be careful there, Chris. All right, Chris, let's talk to her. Let's all, let's work this out.

45:12 Drew Yeah, let's work this out. Once and for all, let's figure out what's going on in her head.

45:14 Adam All right.

45:15 Caller What's that mean?

45:15 Adam Let's get around the horn.

45:17 Caller Oh, dude, no.

45:17 Yeah, I know.

45:18 Adam You don't want to know.

45:19 Caller Yeah.

45:21 Adam You need to know.

45:22 Caller In all honesty, I could go on being her friend if that's what it meant. Yeah. But I need, I mean, because, I mean, I think she's that special. And I even said that to her. I mean, if she said no to me, I'm so sorry.

45:35 Drew Chris, you are so full. Your denial levels are so profound. If she could tell you tonight, there is no way I will ever date you or be attracted to you. It's just never going to happen. I don't care what you wish. I can tell you.

45:48 Caller If I could find that out.

45:49 Drew Yeah.

45:50 Caller In all honesty.

45:51 Drew Yeah.

45:51 Caller Yeah.

45:53 Caller That would, that would clinch it.

45:56 Drew Yeah. Suddenly the friendship, and this is just a special person, has no meaning to you.

46:01 Adam Let, listen.

46:02 Caller Because the only thing that would be her wish.

46:04 Adam In all honesty, Chris, that is her wish. When you call somebody who hasn't been in a relationship for how long?

46:14 Caller Nine months, eight months.

46:15 Adam She hasn't been in one in nine months?

46:18 Caller It's been a year for me.

46:19 Adam And she's single?

46:20 Caller I would think so. I don't know where that, I mean I don't go to her place.

46:54 Adam She says, I don't want to go out with you tonight. And if you ask me again, we'll see, maybe. That is as close to a definite no as you're going to get from somebody who's your friend.

47:07 Drew Ever.

47:08 Adam That is no.

47:10 Drew You know what? I don't think you're going to get a stronger no from somebody who's your worst enemy. Maybe worst enemy, period.

47:17 Adam So that is the equivalent to her saying no.

47:20 Drew No and never. And I think if he wants to hear that, we'll get her on the phone and she'll tell you.

47:24 Adam Hear it. We'll take a break. Hey, it's Loveline, everybody. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Alright, let's hop back the phones and speak to Lisa's 22.

47:42 Drew Before we go to Lisa, do you want to ask Chris if you want to get his girlfriend on the phone?

47:45 Adam Ooh, he doesn't want to do that, though.

47:48 Caller Chris? You know what? I respect her and care for her too much to do that for her on the spot. I don't mind being the tortured soul and her friend if that's what she wants, I guess. You fancy? But you guys are right. It feels like that.

48:02 Adam Now, you know she doesn't see you that way. And that's life. But here's the thing. It's not that that doesn't happen to every guy and every woman a number of times throughout their dating career. But the question, the smart people are the ones who find somebody else.

48:22 Caller Yeah.

48:22 Adam And that's all you got to do. It's not that it's been done to you, it's that you go do it to somebody else.

48:28 Drew But it's such a... The marketplace is huge.

48:31 Caller I know, but... Huge. She's so unique. I don't know what to tell you guys.

48:35 Drew What is so unique about her?

48:35 Adam I know. But look, haven't we all... Here's the thing that's great about this. She's so unique and so is the one Drew Pined over and so were the five I Pined over. They were very, very special and unique to all of us. And everyone who's listening has a version of this in their life.

48:50 Caller I know.

48:52 Adam That's what you got to start... You got to stop obsessing on that person. Here's what you got to do, Chris. You got to get your band off the ground.

49:01 Caller Tell me about it.

49:02 Adam That'll fix everything in a heartbeat.

49:04 Caller The band's being full...

49:08 Adam All right. Except for the S word.

49:09 Drew No one's going to hear that now because he used a cuss word.

49:12 Adam That's very good though. He got a plug-in for his band and then he wove the S word into it and now we lost his plug.

49:20 Drew It's the way he runs his life, isn't it?

49:22 Adam Yep.

49:23 Caller Lisa?

49:23 Hi.

49:24 Adam Hey, you're 22.

49:25 Caller What's up?

49:27 Well, first I wanted to tell you that, I don't know if you realize this, but your screeners are really horny. Or at least the guy I talk to.

49:34 Adam Yeah.

49:34 Yeah.

49:35 Adam We're going to fire him.

49:36 Oh yeah? You know who I was talking to?

49:39 Adam Yeah, Damien. Inappropriate behavior.

49:41 Drew What did he say to you?

49:43 Well, I was talking about my nipples, and he wanted me to compare my nipples to my friend who's sitting next to me, and like look at hers to see if mine were really that big, and then I said, no, they really are big. I've seen other women's nipples, and then I pointed out that I've been with women, and then he asked me to like how many and all the stuff.

50:05 Adam Well, here's the thing about Damien. He usually beats one out in the bathroom about 1040.

50:11 Caller No, he doesn't.

50:12 Adam Yeah, he does. So what happens is, the earlier calls are like, what are you wearing baby? And it's like, yeah, what's your problem? All right, hold on. When he's done. So I guess he didn't get one off tonight. Maybe he was talking to Ann or he was distracted or something, but oh, he was getting my coffee. Oh, he's beating off my coffee. That's what he's done.

50:32 Drew That's why I get my coffee.

50:34 Adam That cream slick on the top. But the point is, is, is, you know, guys will do that when they have a full tank, so to speak. So I got to apologize.

50:44 Caller They have a full tank. They got to do something about it. And that's why you do it in the sink.

50:49 Adam Right.

50:49 Drew You don't masturbate in the sink.

50:50 Caller Wait. No, it's in the toilet bowl, right?

50:52 Drew He pays in the sink.

50:54 Adam My masturbating?

50:56 Drew He pays in the sink.

50:56 Caller Where do you masturbate?

50:58 Drew In your socks.

50:59 Adam First off, how dare you with these personal questions on a national radio show? I've done a sink job before.

51:07 Drew Sink and sink.

51:08 Adam But that's not my regular place.

51:11 Drew Where's your regular place? The hamper.

51:14 Adam Yeah. No, no, no. I lie on my back. I don't stand up.

51:18 Drew Yeah, but you grab something out of the hamper.

51:20 Adam Yeah.

51:21 Caller I swear I've heard you say that you do it in the toilet bowl.

51:24 Adam No, I may have done it in the toilet bowl once or twice, but it's not my normal spot. You can't do it in the toilet bowl because it gets all over the place. It's a disaster. Now, I grab something from the hamper and have myself in a vertical or horizontal position. Yeah. Kneeling down.

51:43 Caller In front of the toilet bowl, but that wouldn't be comfortable.

51:45 Adam Yeah, but then I feel like I'm going to heave because whenever I kneel down in front of the toilet, I vomit. I don't even have to eat anything bad or be drunk anymore. If I like drop the contact lens or something, I knelt down in front of the toilet. I just start heaving into it immediately. I can't clean the toilet for that reason. I bend down and lean over and get in there. I vomit in the toilet so many times. It's an involuntary reaction.

52:09 Caller So who cleans your toilet?

52:10 Adam Well, actually, I have a maid and I pull the great power move. You know what I like to do? My maid was over tonight and you know what makes me feel good about myself?

52:21 Drew Oh, I can't wait.

52:22 Adam I usually steer clear of my maid when she's in the house, but tonight...

52:26 Drew But you run around embarrassed. She has to clean all your crap up. She'll just stay away from you.

52:30 Adam It is, yeah. That's the problem with the hamper stuff.

52:32 Drew She has to take the hamper and break things over her knee.

52:35 Adam To get it into the washing machine.

52:36 Caller Yeah.

52:37 Adam She was raped by one of my gym socks once. I came in, they were rolling around. The gym sock had got a knife out of the drawer.

52:45 Drew I just remember the fantastic voyage where the antibodies clinging on to the people.

52:49 Caller Yeah.

52:50 Adam So here's what I did tonight. It was a big move. And I suggest you guys all do this. Anyone who hasn't made it will make you feel good about yourself. She was vacuuming. I got myself into position in front of the TV set. I put my feet up on the ottoman and I did that thing where I move while she vacuums around me. Yeah, that's a power move. You never felt better about yourself than when someone is vacuuming and you're watching TV and you do that thing where you lift your legs up as they slide the vacuum under, you put them back down, then they go around the other side and you lift them again.

53:22 Caller I don't know how these 14-year-old girls decide that they need to write your name on a shoe.

53:26 Adam It really made me feel good about myself, Lisa. That's the important thing.

53:31 Caller Yeah, you're cocky and that's good.

53:32 Drew But Lisa, what are you calling about?

53:34 Caller Oh, yeah. My areolas, they're really big. I have two questions, actually. First, my areolas are big and Adam was talking about what's good on a breast, you know, size of the nipple and color and all that kind of stuff, last week. And then you asked the girl, what size is your areola? But you didn't go into it and you didn't say what was good and what was bad. So I wanted to know, you know, I've been slightly insecure about it. No one picked on me for it.

54:03 Adam Right. Well, how big are you? First off, they should be sort of close to the breast size. I think I like a big areola because it suggests a big breast.

54:12 Caller Ah.

54:13 Adam But even then, I don't mind it. And I'm a little freaky that way because a lot of guys don't like that.

54:18 Caller Well, if you're freaky, then I'm talking to the wrong guy.

54:21 Adam Well, how big are your breasts?

54:23 Caller My breasts are a D, but I think I'm a double D now.

54:29 Is that the next step?

54:31 Caller Whoa, that made some sound effect. Is that the next step, double D?

54:34 Adam Yes, it is.

54:35 Caller Yeah, it's getting kind of tight.

54:37 Adam And then the next step would be porn. And how big is the rest of you?

54:42 Caller How big is the rest of me?

54:43 Adam Yeah.

54:43 Caller Oh, great. I knew this was coming. Well, I'm 5'8, and you can do your radio math. All right. I'm telling you the truth. I weigh 175.

54:56 Adam Hold on, Drew. Let me do the radio math. 5'8, 175. He's doing the 3. OK, that is 5, 6 1⁄4, 192. Eww.

55:10 Caller You're a whore.

55:11 Adam OK. And how big are your areolas?

55:14 Caller They're like 3 1⁄2 inches across. Mm-hmm.

55:21 Adam Have you measured them?

55:22 Caller Well, when I was talking to the screening guy, I didn't measure them, but then my friend got me a roller and I checked.

55:28 Drew Oh, really? You're talking about the radius or the diameter?

55:31 Caller Not the radius.

55:32 Drew The diameter?

55:33 Caller Yeah, the diameter.

55:34 Drew All the way across?

55:35 Adam Mm-hmm.

55:36 Drew The radius is from the middle out.

55:38 Adam Oh, is the radius from the middle out? Yeah. I never would have thought to measure that that way. So you're saying three and a half is bigger than like the lid of an applesauce bottle.

55:53 Drew So what is that like that?

55:54 Caller Yeah.

55:55 Adam I'm showing you right now between my fingers three and a half, Drew.

55:59 Caller All right.

56:00 Adam I mean, it is bigger than the top of a standard size coffee mug.

56:04 Drew It's about right here, yeah. Right?

56:07 Adam What are you talking about, Drew? She's talking about from one side. Yes. Yes. This is actually, Drew is tracing my coffee mug now. And that's about three and a quarter there, Drew. Thank you. Drew has just now held it up to his breast. That's a... Are you sure you measured correctly?

56:26 Caller Yeah. Why?

56:27 Adam Okay. Because three and a half is very big.

56:30 Caller Yeah. They're big.

56:31 Adam Okay.

56:32 Caller They shrink a little when they get hard, but...

56:33 Adam Sure. So you'd say the size of a lid of an applesauce container.

56:38 Caller Yeah.

56:39 Adam Okay. Yeah. I'm all right with that.

56:41 Caller Okay. And the other question is... Well, you're all right, but you say a lot of guys don't like the sizes.

56:49 Adam But let me tell you something, Lisa. And don't take this the wrong way.

56:53 Caller Okay.

56:54 Adam But guys will see past big areolas much faster than they can see past a big ass.

57:01 Caller Okay.

57:01 Adam You know what I'm saying?

57:02 Caller Yeah.

57:03 Adam So, there's something on your body that you can't change. That's your areolas. And then there's something on your body you can't change. That's your ass.

57:12 Caller Or I could just stick to the Queen song about fat bottom girls and go for guys who like that, right?

57:17 Adam Right.

57:17 Caller All right.

57:18 Adam Blank dudes. So, listen. Let's focus on what you can change, right?

57:24 Caller Yeah.

57:25 Adam And coincidentally, the thing you can change is the big stumbling block for guys. Yeah. And they don't know what size your areolas are when they're trying to pick you up at a bar.

57:34 Caller Right.

57:34 Adam But they know what size your ass is.

57:36 Caller That's true.

57:37 Adam So, there's the thing to work on. I'm not trying to be insulting. I'm trying to be constructive here.

57:42 Caller I know. And I do need to lose weight.

57:44 Adam Okay. So, there you go. You work on that and you don't have to worry about the boys. Yeah. All right. So, don't focus on the areolas.

57:50 Caller Well, thank you.

57:51 Adam All right, baby. Good times.

57:53 Caller Okay. The other thing is maybe more of a Dr. Drew thing. My nipples are also very numb.

58:00 Drew Oh, that happens.

58:02 Caller And that's normal?

58:03 Drew Yeah. As they move away from the chest wall, I can get a little more numb.

58:06 Adam Also, and I'm just doing the math here, but when the breast is swollen, the areolas, I think, are going to tend to be stretched out a little bit bigger, but to some degree. And when you lose the weight, the ash shrinks, the breast shrinks some, the areolas come back a little bit too. There you go. Good times. Annie?

58:31 This is Tammy.

58:32 Adam Oh, Tammy.

58:33 Yeah.

58:33 Adam You're 23. What's up?

58:36 Caller I've been married for four years, and when I first got married, my husband would go to strip clubs with his friends, so I didn't think anything much of it. But it's been kind of bothering me, so this weekend I took him to a men's club, so I can go in with him. And I had him, I guess, a laugh dance, and I don't know, I think it really bothered me.

59:04 Adam Bothered you? He must have been bothered too.

59:06 Caller Yeah, it did bother me, because they're topless, and she's rubbing her boobs all over his head. Right. I know I took him there, and I wanted to make him, you know, I guess, to, you know, because I'm trying to have a better relationship with him.

59:23 Adam Right.

59:23 Drew What did you think was going to happen by taking him there? What was it?

59:25 Adam Well, she thought she was going to get PO'd.

59:27 Drew What was your reasoning?

59:28 Adam Yeah, what did you think? A rabbi was going to come out and sit down next to him, put his hand on his knee or something? An elder?

59:34 Caller Well, the other one that agreed to it, she asked, you know, and of course I was, I said, yeah, sure, you know, go ahead.

59:39 Drew Yeah, what were you thinking?

59:41 Caller Because he used to, when we first got married, he wanted me to dance for him, but I was always self-conscious about myself and.

59:47 Drew All right, so what were you thinking here?

59:50 Caller That, you see, what was so exciting about all this, you know?

59:55 Drew So you wanted to participate with him on it?

59:57 Caller Not really, no, I'm not like.

59:58 Drew What were you thinking? Say, come in there, what were you trying to prove?

1:00:01 Adam What was he thinking, that idiot?

1:00:04 Drew You know, he was just a lamb being led to slaughter. No. He just thought, okay, all right.

1:00:09 Adam And Annie gave him that, it's cool, this is gonna be fun, don't worry about it.

1:00:14 Drew Yeah, I want to see what you go and do there.

1:00:15 Adam Guys, understand when these tramps are being laid for you, for Christ's sake. That's how Annie.

1:00:21 Caller Tammy.

1:00:22 Adam Tammy, sorry.

1:00:22 Drew So what were you thinking? What was the plan?

1:00:24 Caller Well, I guess I pretty much wanted to see what they did for, I guess, these men that go in there. Because I, I mean, because I want to do this for him. I don't want him to be...

1:00:35 Drew No, no, no, no, no. This is, again, a woman not thinking like a man.

1:00:38 Adam Let me explain the point of the lap dance. It is not the fact that you're having your lap danced upon in general. Otherwise you get your mom or your wife to do it. It's that it's a strange and attractive woman who's doing it.

1:00:55 Drew That's a male point of view, period. You have to accept that.

1:00:59 Adam It's like...

1:00:59 Drew And if that's... And if... God doesn't have to do that. And you don't have to let him do that. You understand? But that's what men are driven by. That's what they find arousing about that experience.

1:01:12 Caller But what really bothered me was she was rubbing all over him. And then after... I guess I was upset about it, but I couldn't show that I was upset because I was the one that...

1:01:20 Caller Right.

1:01:21 Caller Okay, go ahead. And we went back to our room and... I guess my thought was, was he thinking about her?

1:01:30 Drew Oh, Tammy.

1:01:30 Caller Oh, man.

1:01:32 Adam You know what, Tammy?

1:01:34 Drew Yeah?

1:01:34 Adam Here's what you got to know about men. And let me tell you something, women. If you, and Ann, I hope you're listening here, you cannot approach a man like he is a woman.

1:01:45 Drew You can't do it.

1:01:46 Adam If you look at him looking at pornography is cheating...

1:01:49 Drew Like you, or like you looking at pornography, don't forget it.

1:01:52 Adam And you break it down. He wants to be with her. He's fantasized about her. This is something that all men do and it means nothing.

1:02:01 Drew This is a hyena looking at a herd of buffalo.

1:02:05 Adam Right.

1:02:06 Drew That's what it is. That's what guys are. Right. And they may be full.

1:02:11 Adam They would still look.

1:02:12 Drew They sit there in pace and look at the buffalo.

1:02:15 Adam Yes. Gazelle would be better.

1:02:16 Drew Gazelle, okay.

1:02:17 Adam You'd see them more.

1:02:18 Caller I wouldn't be worried if he's fantasizing about anyone. No.

1:02:21 Adam No. And you shouldn't even want to know what he's fantasizing about.

1:02:24 Caller Well, I think that's what I don't want to know.

1:02:26 Adam All right. But what's up with the sabotage in you? The troublemaking.

1:02:31 Drew And why can't you tell you have your real feelings and want to deny yourself?

1:02:35 Caller Well, I guess because I want to make him happy and I don't...

1:02:38 Drew You do.

1:02:39 Adam Well, he married you and he's staying with you, right?

1:02:41 Drew And he's happy.

1:02:42 Caller Well, because we've been having problems and...

1:02:44 Adam All right. Well, what have the problems been?

1:02:47 Caller Well, because when we first got together, I kind of like left him for like a month and I went with these friends that were like lesbians. And I had never did nothing with them. He just... I just kissed one and he found pictures and so we had a big problem about that. But then we stayed together, you know, we had... We had three kids and... And... But I mean, now he's kind of like bringing it up and...

1:03:12 Adam Okay. Hey, can you stop having kids, please?

1:03:15 Caller No. No more kids. No, no more kids.

1:03:17 Adam Jesus Christ. 23 for crying out loud. And sabotaging. Okay. Don't bring him to strip clubs. Don't bust his chops. But insist that he communicate with you. Not about fantasies, not about lamp dancing or anything sexual. Just that he stays present in the relationship. And stop looking for trouble.

1:03:40 Drew They need some help there.

1:03:41 Adam Drew, you can't go to a strip club, can you?

1:03:43 Drew No.

1:03:44 Adam You're really screwed.

1:03:45 Drew You know what? I don't know.

1:03:47 Adam Yeah. I used to say that too.

1:03:49 Drew Really?

1:03:50 Adam Yeah, I used to go there.

1:03:51 Drew When did you not go to a strip club?

1:03:53 Adam I took a long time off.

1:03:54 Drew When?

1:03:58 Adam I took a long time. I used to go to strip clubs all the time. No, I never went. See, I was poor. I couldn't go to strip clubs. There's nothing worse than being that poor dude at the strip club where you're sitting there. You don't have enough for a lap dance. And you don't even have enough to throw the money down on stage. So you sit two rows back. So you're not right up against the edge of the stage. You just sit there nursing a Pepsi for four hours. It's really pathetic. There's nothing more pathetic than like a low roller at a strip club. You've never felt like more of a wuss than going into strip club like $18 in your pocket.

1:04:33 Drew Now you know the first thing that bothers you about being in a strip club.

1:04:35 Adam The money. Yeah, Drew can't just peel off cash that way. That's painful. And for Drew, actually, you could go out to a nice meal and spend a couple of hundred dollars. But if you had to peel off 20 at a time cash, you would go insane. You'd give her like 20 and be like, could you break this, honey? I was at a strip club in Vegas like two weeks ago. The chick said, I got a nice lap dance. And she was like, you know what they do to you? They go, you want another? They're right into it. And she goes, she goes, I swear to Christ, she goes, she goes, in this room, we're in a little different room, not the basement with no windows in it, but I always step over to the VIP area. They have basements with no windows? Well, I don't know. I'd like to find out.

1:05:26 Drew Jimmy goes, I see.

1:05:26 Adam But she goes, it's 30 a dance, or you can have three for a hundred. I swear to Christ, that's what she told me. I was like, let me get this straight. 30 a pop, yeah, or three for a hundred. She's like, yeah, that's with, you know, because, you know, when you do three, you want a tip. I was like, what the hell? Only, you see, by the way, only super hot chicks wearing next to nothing can get away with this sort of god-awful sales pitch. You've never, you know, or it's 30 a dance or it's 50 and I kick in the nuts. Well, what the hell kind of pitch was that? I did actually leave at that point.

1:06:13 Drew Oh, you did?

1:06:14 Adam Yes, I was insulted at the pitch. Three for a hundred or three for a hundred. What idiot wouldn't just take the three for the 30 a pop? I'd like to buy a block of a hundred at a million dollars.

1:06:28 Drew So you feel that you missed out now that you're back in it?

1:06:32 Adam Oh, I'm telling you that I used to go to strip clubs and then I stopped for many years and then I made a little money and hung out with some fun people and now I go back and it's more fun. I got a little money in my pocket and I enjoy myself a little more.

1:06:48 Drew I see. I see.

1:06:49 Adam I'm in a very high pressure job. You don't have to blow off steam.

1:06:55 Drew I see.

1:06:56 Adam Chastity.

1:06:57 Drew I have yet no desire to go back.

1:06:59 Adam I know. You know what? Because it's like heroin. I didn't have any desire for all the years. I didn't go. Then you go back in and you're like, oh, yeah, this is what we do. But you know what? I don't do the local thing.

1:07:14 Drew But hasn't this show ruined that? I mean, can't you know what these women are about? You know what you're participating in with them.

1:07:23 Adam I know. But doesn't it bother you that you know what's in a hot dog?

1:07:27 Drew No.

1:07:28 Adam But it should. Doesn't it bother you?

1:07:30 Drew That is not a human being stirring you down.

1:07:31 Adam Doesn't it bother you that you know how these pigs and cows are slaughtered?

1:07:38 Drew You have to do that to survive.

1:07:40 Adam You don't have to do that. You could just eat yourself some nice fish and vegetables. No, you still get a nice big piece of steak, don't you?

1:07:48 Drew This is not a good one.

1:07:49 Adam No, it is good because you know something but it does not, and it's not a pretty thing, but it doesn't get in the way of your visceral need. Oh, I see.

1:07:58 Drew All right, all right, okay.

1:08:00 Adam You know, you've seen those films like what they do to pigs and stuff and how disgusting it is and the horrible conditions that chickens are in and everything. You still go eat one, you don't think about it. Your visceral, chromatin need has trumped everything. Thank you. Chasity?

1:08:16 Caller Hello.

1:08:17 Adam Hey, you're 15. What's up?

1:08:19 Caller Well, I've had anorexia for a few weeks.

1:08:22 Adam Good times.

1:08:24 Caller Yeah.

1:08:26 Caller Recently, I've been trying to force myself to eat. I keep on feeling more and more sick to my stomach like I can't keep it down. I want to know how I can get treated for this without my parents knowing.

1:08:40 Drew Would your parents let you get a therapist?

1:08:42 Caller What?

1:08:43 Drew Would your parents let you get a therapist?

1:08:45 Caller I don't know. I never feel very comfortable talking to them.

1:08:48 Drew What about going to OA.? There are over-eaters anonymous meetings that have eating disorder focuses.

1:08:56 Caller Okay.

1:08:57 Drew Okay. So that's something you can do on your own. And you can tell counselor at school.

1:09:02 Caller Okay.

1:09:03 Drew And there are ways you can get a counselor. I would hope that your counselor at school could help you with this.

1:09:09 Adam They must, at this day and age, be hip to this at school. I mean, they must have some resources.

1:09:16 Caller There's a lot of...

1:09:17 Adam If you go to a big high school, there's probably lots of girls who may have this problem, right?

1:09:21 Drew The problem is, really though, is that in terms of you getting better, the highest probability and the most efficient way is if your family participates.

1:09:31 Caller Okay.

1:09:31 Drew Okay.

1:09:32 Caller Yeah, I guess I could talk to them.

1:09:34 Drew Well, that would be good, Christy.

1:09:35 Adam But it's your mom and her demand, her... I know, it's... What did I say? It's your mom and her demand that you be perfect, that caused the eating disorder in the first place. So how do you go talk to her and tell her you're not perfect?

1:09:48 Drew There might be some gratification of that.

1:09:49 Adam Ooh, a little payback. Is it... Do your parents, are they over-dominating?

1:09:55 Caller Not really. My mom isn't, but my dad's kind of critical.

1:09:59 Adam I see. Okay, well, tell them that. Hey, Dad, here's what you got. Thanks for all the critiquing.

1:10:06 Caller Uh-huh. Okay.

1:10:07 Adam All right, baby, take care of yourself. You'll be fine. Yeah, good times, right? Yeah, good times. All right. All right. All right, more stripper stories after this.

1:10:19 Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Lovelife.

1:10:24 Adam Hey, Lovelife. Drew's on the phone with his office or something, trying to return a page. Conducting personal business while he's on the Loveline clock, as it were. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Drew's now hanging up the phone with his, uh, the hospital, the office.

1:10:45 You can cause addiction, Adam.

1:10:47 Caller Did you know that?

1:10:50 Adam And he's back, he's knocked over the coffee, and he's ready to rock. Ryan?

1:10:55 Yeah?

1:10:55 Adam You're 15?

1:10:56 Caller Uh-huh.

1:10:57 Adam Yeah?

1:10:58 Yeah, and, uh, when I make out with my girlfriend, sometimes she makes these, like, funny noises, and I was wondering if that was normal.

1:11:10 Adam Like what? What noises?

1:11:13 They're really strange, and I, they're like, uh...

1:11:17 Adam Yeah, it's bogus. I don't believe you.

1:11:20 You don't?

1:11:21 Adam No.

1:11:22 And why not?

1:11:23 Adam It just doesn't sound like a question.

1:11:27 You don't think that's a question?

1:11:28 Adam No.

1:11:29 Drew What are the noises?

1:11:31 They're like, like, like she's, like, like weird groans, like, like not normal groans. Like they, maybe they could be considered as that, but they just sound too strange.

1:11:44 Drew Like, can you imitate one?

1:11:47 It's like, it's like a moan with like a more high pitch, like, like.

1:11:53 Adam Do one.

1:11:53 All right. I'll try.

1:11:55 Adam All right.

1:11:56 All right. It's more like a, like, like that type of thing.

1:12:01 Adam Like a sleet stack?

1:12:02 A what?

1:12:04 Adam Little Land of the Lost reference there that apparently was in the Land of the Lost when it comes to 15 year old Ryan. Yeah. Well, maybe she's just excited.

1:12:18 Is that normal?

1:12:18 Adam Yes.

1:12:19 Drew It's fine.

1:12:19 Adam It's normal. Sounds like it. Let me tell you the purpose for Ryan's phone call. Ryan wanted, he's 15.

1:12:27 Drew I'm making out.

1:12:27 Adam He's making out and he's called to tell the world.

1:12:30 Drew He's making out.

1:12:31 Adam He's making out. So, let me do that for you. Hey, everybody, Ryan is finally getting some. I know it's been a long wait. We got started on this puberty thing years ago and so far, snake eyes, but Ryan has found a woman dumb enough to hold still so that he could put his tongue in her mouth for brief periods of time and you know what? She enjoys it. And you know how I know she enjoys it? She groans like a slea stack. Thank you. Drew, you don't know the slea stacks?

1:12:57 Drew No.

1:12:58 Adam Land of the Lost, Marshall, Will, and Holly, Routine Expedition.

1:13:03 Drew Land of the Lost.

1:13:05 Caller Chalka. What was it?

1:13:08 Caller Come on.

1:13:10 Adam It was this really bad Sid and Marty Croft after school show where this whole family went on expedition.

1:13:17 Drew They ended up with the dinosaurs.

1:13:18 Adam They ended up with the dinosaurs.

1:13:19 Caller Yeah, remember that one.

1:13:20 Adam Okay, good.

1:13:21 Drew Okay.

1:13:21 Adam Yeah, Routine Expedition and then the Greatest Earthquake Ever Known hits and they go underground. Cool. Yeah, because that's where dinosaurs are still alive.

1:13:30 Drew Right, you come out the other side of the underground cave.

1:13:32 Adam Yeah, center of the earth. Yeah. They're still going strong.

1:13:35 Drew I see.

1:13:35 Adam Anyone knows that. Kim?

1:13:38 Caller Yes.

1:13:38 Adam Year 41, what's up?

1:13:40 Hi, Adam.

1:13:41 Adam Hey.

1:13:42 Caller Thank you for taking my call.

1:13:43 Adam My pleasure.

1:13:44 Caller And I just want to say that I think you are really funny and I love The Man Show.

1:13:51 Adam Why, thank you.

1:13:52 Caller My husband and my boys and I watch it every week.

1:13:55 Drew How old are your boys?

1:13:57 Caller Please.

1:13:57 Drew How old are your sons?

1:13:59 Caller Twenty and twenty-one.

1:14:01 Drew All right.

1:14:03 Caller And, but I have a question for Dr. Drew. I do smoke marijuana and I've heard you say that people can get bronchitis from smoking it.

1:14:15 Drew Oh, yeah. All the time.

1:14:16 Caller Can you get that even if like you don't have a cold beforehand?

1:14:21 Drew No, it will give you chronic bronchitis.

1:14:23 It can give you chronic bronchitis?

1:14:25 Drew It will give you that, yeah.

1:14:26 Adam Well, you must have something that's making a call like bronchitis.

1:14:31 Drew Well, if you get a cold...

1:14:34 Caller I do, but I'm afraid to go to my family doctor because I'm afraid he may... He knows I don't smoke cigarettes and he's going to wonder how come I got this bronchitis.

1:14:45 Drew Why don't you talk to him about your weed problem?

1:14:48 Caller Well, I don't think I have a weed problem.

1:14:51 Drew You smoke weed every day until you're getting bronchitis. You're having medical complications from your marijuana use. Don't you think that's something appropriate to talk to your doctor about?

1:14:59 Adam How much weed do you smoke?

1:15:01 Caller I just smoke usually when I listen to you guys.

1:15:04 Adam All right.

1:15:05 Drew We're on every night.

1:15:06 Caller Every night. It's real late here where I live. Okay, man.

1:15:09 Drew So listen, it's time to talk to your doctor about this.

1:15:12 Caller But I mean, will he turn me into the police?

1:15:15 Adam No.

1:15:16 Drew Kim, I run a large addiction recovery program. Do I make a report every time I admit a heroin addict to the hospital?

1:15:24 Adam Drew has narked a few folks out of his day.

1:15:26 Drew I mean, think about that. That would mean everybody that saw the doctor, which is 10% of the country who talks about their substance use, would get turned into the police.

1:15:34 Caller Okay.

1:15:36 Caller Okay.

1:15:36 Caller Well, I appreciate you're helping me.

1:15:40 Drew You need to talk to your doctor about it, all right?

1:15:41 Caller Okay. All right.

1:15:43 Caller Thanks and have a good night.

1:15:43 Adam This isn't Nazi Mexico. They always say Nazi Germany, but I think I like to mix it up every once in a while. Put another country at the end of that. Cody?

1:15:54 Caller Yeah?

1:15:54 Adam You're sick seeing?

1:15:55 Caller Yeah.

1:15:56 Adam What's up?

1:15:57 Caller Oh, like every time I'm done taking a pill, I like shake a little bit.

1:16:01 Drew You get that too.

1:16:02 Adam Yeah. Every guy does.

1:16:04 Drew I don't get that very much.

1:16:04 Adam You don't?

1:16:05 Drew That's if you get up middle of the night and do that once in a while, sometime you'll pass out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's called post-micturation syncope. That's part of the sort of response your body has at the end of your micturation.

1:16:19 Adam Yeah. It's to shake the extra whiz off your penis.

1:16:22 Drew No, no. It's to shudder.

1:16:25 Adam That's why God did it. I only do it when I think about it. You know what I'm saying? And I only think about it when I'm in an airport bathroom because there's people around and I think, oh man, am I going to get that weird spaz thing?

1:16:38 Drew And pow.

1:16:39 Adam And then pow.

1:16:40 Drew Well, it's an alteration of your blood pressure and pulse that's occurring and it can actually cause you to pass out.

1:16:46 Adam Yeah. You'll be fine, Cody.

1:16:48 Drew Yeah.

1:16:48 Caller The guy I talked to before I got to you guys told me that like he never heard of that before.

1:16:53 Adam No.

1:16:53 Drew It's a common thing.

1:16:54 Adam Really?

1:16:55 Drew This is Damien's night.

1:16:56 Adam We got to fire this Damien. I was going to wait till the end of the show to fire him, but I think we should just let him go, you know, mid show.

1:17:02 Drew Yeah. After his poor performance tonight. Why not?

1:17:05 Adam Well, the callers and as you know, and Cody, you know this from listening to the show, you callers are my babies. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think all, I think all of you is my kids. But I don't think of me as a regular dad. I think of myself more of a drunk and abusive stepdad. You see, that's the twist. That's the point.

1:17:26 Caller But throughout his life, a man beloved by the children.

1:17:32 Adam Yeah, that's shaky, that brrr. Yeah, you get it. I get it when there's other, hick-a-brrr, hick-a-brrr. I get it when I'm in front of people though. What? I don't think I'd do it alone. Yeah. I get a little like, hey, who's around? And then brrr, mostly at the airport. I do it with you once in a while when I'm in the bathroom there.

1:17:49 Drew Yeah, let's go pee after this.

1:17:51 Adam Okay, Brian?

1:17:53 Yep.

1:17:53 Adam You're 20?

1:17:54 Caller Yes, sir.

1:17:55 Adam What's up?

1:17:56 Caller Yeah, I've been taking this medication called dexedrine, and I was wondering what the long-term side effects could be.

1:18:05 Drew Well, they're really, that's actually a tough question to answer thoroughly, but there really are not any significant long-term effects. I have concerns about dexedrine being used in people over the age of 18, though. Why?

1:18:18 Adam What is that?

1:18:18 Drew Because it's a sit speed, and it's for ADD, and a very significant percentage of ADD patients have addiction.

1:18:25 Adam Remember when they used to call them dexies?

1:18:27 Drew Yeah.

1:18:28 Caller They used to call it dexatrim for weight loss.

1:18:31 Drew Yeah, no, it's a totally, totally different thing.

1:18:34 Adam And then, what was Benny short for?

1:18:36 Caller Barbiturate?

1:18:38 Adam Benny's?

1:18:39 Drew No, that...

1:18:39 Adam What? He got some Benny's? He got some dexies?

1:18:41 Drew It was a stimulant too, wasn't it Benny's?

1:18:43 Adam I think it was, but I don't know what Benny's... I'd like to know what class of drug Benny was. Benny's and dexies.

1:18:52 Caller Also...

1:18:53 Adam Yeah.

1:18:55 Drew Benzadrine.

1:18:56 Caller Does having ADD affect your kind of social competency in any way?

1:19:03 Drew It can, it can. People with ADD tend to have more personality problems sometimes.

1:19:08 Caller I think I have some personality problems as far as trying to be, you know, having social skills.

1:19:16 Drew So you have like a social phobia?

1:19:19 Caller Yeah.

1:19:20 Drew I'm a little anxious in social phobia.

1:19:21 Caller Well, I have a problem initiating friendships.

1:19:24 Drew Yeah.

1:19:25 Adam Do you have any friends?

1:19:26 Caller No.

1:19:27 Caller None, huh?

1:19:28 Caller No.

1:19:29 Adam Wow, that's weird, isn't it? Now you feel worse, but you just have no friends?

1:19:35 Caller No, I don't.

1:19:36 Adam And no girlfriends? No?

1:19:39 Caller Yeah, you gotta have friends first for you can get a girlfriend.

1:19:42 Adam Right. You're a virgin?

1:19:43 Caller No.

1:19:44 Adam What happened? Who held still long enough for you to get on top of them?

1:19:48 Caller Well, it seems like I had a lot of friends before I moved, and I moved out to the Midwest, and I went to the...

1:20:00 Adam Yeah, I understand. Where do you work?

1:20:02 Caller I don't have a job.

1:20:03 Caller Oh, you go to school?

1:20:04 Caller Yeah, I go to the junior college.

1:20:06 Caller Uh-oh.

1:20:07 Adam Yeah, don't hook up with any of those losers.

1:20:09 Caller Well, you can never, you can, Adam, you can never speak enough ill about the community college. It's really, it's like everybody got slammed in the head with a bunch of doorknobs.

1:20:17 Drew Which one do you go to?

1:20:19 Caller Huh?

1:20:19 Drew Which one do you, huh? Which one do you go to?

1:20:21 Caller Go to?

1:20:22 Adam Yeah, the junior college.

1:20:24 Drew Which junior college do you attend?

1:20:26 Caller One in Colorado.

1:20:28 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:20:29 Drew Oh, okay.

1:20:30 Adam I know the one you're talking about. Yeah.

1:20:33 Drew Do you go to that, what's the one downtown in Denver there? Metropolitan?

1:20:39 Adam All right. I'm not going to take 20 minutes to squeeze this guy like we're the Gestapo trying to get some information out of him. That's what I love about our listeners. The most mundane of questions turns into 20 questions.

1:20:51 Drew Yeah.

1:20:52 Adam You go to junior college, which one, huh? Which one do you go to? Which one what?

1:20:56 Drew Yeah.

1:20:57 Adam Remember you were talking about junior colleges? Yeah. Which junior college? Huh? It's in the greater Colorado area. Is it in the... Is it that one, the metro one, the one that's in downtown Denver? No. That's six questions. You're down to 15. You're down to 14. Let's go. Next one. Take a look. Just give the goddamn college.

1:21:19 Drew Thanks. Toady Fields?

1:21:20 Adam What the hell are we doing here? Look, anyone who's listening to the show, if you see us like getting at something, feel free just to go ahead and put it out there. Okay, Toady, that's five questions. Is the enrollment of the college more? Would it be a specialized college? No. That's 13 down, Bill. That's back to Nipsey Russell. Would this be a college? Does this college have a football team that we may have heard of? I'm sorry. That's 12 questions. And back to Toady. Toady, just spit it out, please. Everyone. Drew's going to keep scratching around until he finds out what junior college Brian went to. Ty, you know what bennies are? Yeah.

1:22:16 Caller It's in World War II, it was a stimulant used by the Allies because I think it was, yeah, Hitler, he put all his guys on meth. So we had these, they were inhalers, Benjadrain, and basically you're supposed to inhale it. And it would basically give you a little pep, so you'd stay up and you'd eat less.

1:22:41 Adam I thought Benny's were pills though.

1:22:42 Drew Ultimately they were, I'm sure.

1:22:43 Adam All right.

1:22:44 Caller Well, yeah, they came in little, like they were cotton swabs inside the inhalers and you could just take them and eat them or dissolve them.

1:22:50 Adam So is it Benzadrain?

1:22:52 Caller Yeah.

1:22:53 Adam Okay.

1:22:53 Drew Interesting.

1:22:54 Adam Thank you, Ty.

1:22:56 Caller Yeah, no problem.

1:22:57 Adam Good times. Take a little break. Drew, I'm going to demonstrate the shiver for you while I'm here.

1:23:02 Caller We got to pee.

1:23:03 Adam We'll be back.

1:23:05 Caller Love line. Sounds fine to me.

1:23:10 Caller Oh, really?

1:23:11 Adam Me too. Well, it must be my headphones or my cans, as I like to call them in the business. All right. Well, it's a love line, man.

1:23:18 Drew Did you shudder, by the way?

1:23:19 Adam Oh, everything's bad. Well, it sounds really bad.

1:23:21 Drew Did you shudder, by the way?

1:23:23 Adam No. No, man, I was consciously trying not to. I didn't want to entertain you any more than I already have. I was urinating.

1:23:31 Caller All right.

1:23:32 Adam Jessica, you're 25.

1:23:34 Caller Hi, is this Adam?

1:23:36 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:23:37 Caller Well, I'm having problems right now with my relationship. And like the other day, I went over my boyfriend's house and it was like late and he wasn't expecting me to come over and his email was pulled up on, you know, on the computer. And I went over to the computer to check out my email or whatever and his inbox is right there. And I noticed some some emails from this website and it was kind of strange. There was a few of them. So I don't know. I didn't want to be nosy, but I don't know. I had a bad feeling. I clicked on it. I looked and it was some adult personal site. He apparently he signed up for some some like website that has like sex personals or whatever.

1:24:27 Drew It's funny. Women perceive men interacting in an intimate way over the web as cheating.

1:24:33 Adam Yeah.

1:24:34 Drew Men reserve actual physical contact for cheating.

1:24:39 Adam Right.

1:24:40 Drew And so she's sort of getting into what many women do, which is, hey, he's having these discussions with these women on the web. It's freaking me out.

1:24:46 Adam Meanwhile, you crazy broads are getting a full body massage twice a month where you're actually having your body, your nude body, oiled up and contacted by some good looking burly guy. And we don't say ass. How dare you?

1:25:02 Caller Well, go ahead, Jessica.

1:25:04 Caller Well, I don't know. I understand what you're saying, but it's one thing to look at like porno on the internet. And there's like another thing where you have to sign up your name and then your information. And then this website was like sending them him like personal like matches like, hey, here's some other broads in your area that you might be interested in.

1:25:26 Drew It's a listen. Well, I'm not saying it's not understandable that you'd be kind of affected by this.

1:25:31 Adam Wait, well, wait a minute. Maybe she's onto something here. I mean, it's not like he's just looking at porn.

1:25:38 Caller Yeah, you know, he was like, he really like took his time out or something.

1:25:43 Adam This is like a personal ad?

1:25:44 Caller Yeah, like it's not even like, you know, a picture of naked chicks. It's like, you know, it's personal ads like, hi, I'm, you know, 23 and I live in this town.

1:25:55 Adam Hold on, slow down.

1:25:56 Caller And email me for fun.

1:25:58 Adam What's your sign?

1:25:59 Caller What's your measurement?

1:26:00 Drew These are for email hookups?

1:26:02 Caller Well, yeah, it's like a, it's a sex personal ad. That's what it is.

1:26:08 Adam And what's up with these guys?

1:26:10 Caller It kind of bothers me.

1:26:12 Adam Okay. So did you confront him?

1:26:14 Caller Yeah. And he said that it was his, one of his friends went over to his place and, and like find out. And I said, well, why can't he use your email or his email? And he said that he already had some, some, well, look, do you, do you think this guy's cheating or not? Well, I don't think he's cheating now, but we've been fighting a lot and we've had, I mean, we've been with each other for a year and a half. And I think like the last eight months have been like, really kind of bad.

1:26:44 Adam Maybe you should break up.

1:26:47 Caller You think so?

1:26:48 Adam Yeah.

1:26:48 Caller Yeah.

1:26:48 Adam You've been, you've been with him. Here's the deal, y'all. If you're with someone, look, if you got five kids, you've been, you've been together for 13 years. And the last six months have been a little shaky. You haul your ass into the therapist's office, see if you can hash something out. When you're 25 and your boyfriend's in his 20s and you've been together for a year and a half, and the last over half a year, meaning over half of your relationship has been basically, or about half of your relationship, the last eight months has been shaky, eh, put a fork in it, it's done. He's on the internet, you don't trust him, you're angry at him, you guys have been going at it for eight months, let's call it done. That's fine. You'll have one more and then you'll meet Mr. Right. Anna?

1:27:40 Caller Yeah, hello?

1:27:41 Adam Year 29.

1:27:42 Caller Oh my goodness, this is so fast. Hi, how are you?

1:27:44 Caller What's up, baby?

1:27:46 Caller I just wanted to call and tell you, you know, I heard you talking about the strip bars, and I wanted to share with you, in Canada, there's an all-male strip bar, and I had gone there with a group of friends as they're going away for me.

1:27:57 Adam Where in Canada?

1:27:59 Caller In Windsor.

1:27:59 Adam All right.

1:28:00 Caller And what I expected was kind of like a silly joke, and instead what it was, was just a completely tempting, amazing, erratic experience, and I ended up going home, and I don't think I've ever been sexually frustrated.

1:28:17 Adam Really?

1:28:18 Caller Absolutely, and I ended up calling...

1:28:21 Adam And ask for?

1:28:22 Drew I'm sorry?

1:28:24 Adam Alan Thicke? No. Who'd you call?

1:28:26 Caller Oh, I'm sorry. I called my little sister, and just told her how yummy it was, and I said, you know, this is really a bad thing, because, I mean, it gets you all revved up, and basically, I actually literally called it heroin. I said, do you want more, and what can you do, other than, you know, start having either casual sex with these people or whatever?

1:28:47 Adam Wow.

1:28:48 Caller And literally by Sunday, Adam, by Sunday, I was talking to a male friend of mine, and I started crying because at the time I was celibate, I'm celibate unless I'm in a committed relationship with somebody I love, and I started crying, and I said, you know, you shouldn't turn on the stove if you're not gonna cook.

1:29:05 Adam Right, right. Let me get this straight. You're celibate in a relationship?

1:29:11 Drew Unless she's in a relationship.

1:29:12 Adam Oh, unless you're in a relationship with someone you love. Well, all right. Then, so what you're saying is, is this works for women, too?

1:29:20 Caller Oh, my goodness. I mean, honestly, to tell you the truth, I think that you guys have a good show, but in one area, I think you're falling short, and that's why I don't think you acknowledge women's sexuality enough.

1:29:30 Adam Yeah, well, let me, let me address that, Anna, because I believe you're right, and Drew, I think you'll admit to this that you go a little over the top in that one direction with it sometimes.

1:29:41 Caller Well, mostly.

1:29:41 Adam And then I am usually the one who challenges you and says, look, there's a lot of, there are women out there who want a score, who want a good time, who want to have a sexuality. And Anna, we do try to be fair with that. I think what the problem that happens on this show, honestly, is we meet so much resistance. Drew tries to hammer a point home, and when he hammers a point home, he becomes a little black and white with things in order to make his point.

1:30:08 Drew Or it seems like that's my only point of view, that I'm not willing to acknowledge the rest.

1:30:13 Right.

1:30:14 Adam We certainly are willing to acknowledge that there's women of all ages, especially as they climb a little closer to 30 and beyond.

1:30:23 Caller But.

1:30:23 Adam Who?

1:30:24 Drew But.

1:30:24 Caller But.

1:30:25 Caller There's a big but there.

1:30:26 Adam Thanks for cutting me off, by the way.

1:30:28 Caller I'm sorry.

1:30:29 Caller But.

1:30:30 Caller But. That's called a yeah but. Yeah but. My sexuality was as strong when I was 16, 17, and 18. The only problem is for a woman, you're in fact a catch 22. You always are.

1:30:42 Drew Why?

1:30:43 Caller Because if you live in a community where people know you, there is no way that you're going to gain a tremendous amount of esteem or love or security or future opportunities by sleeping around.

1:30:54 Adam Hold on. You stinking whore. Hold on. Let me talk about the animal behind the back. She had a little energy with the sexuality here with the monogamous, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's celibate. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:31:02 Drew Loving monogamous relationship. Let's find out what's going on.

1:31:04 Adam And there's some seething there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's some wanting to come out. You come from a religious family?

1:31:11 Caller Not at all.

1:31:12 Adam And who, I'm looking for the word, bestowed or instilled all of these thoughts into your head?

1:31:21 Caller Honestly, I really think, I'm not sure where you guys grew up, but I have a really wonderful group of women friends. And in every single case, the woman has a strong sexuality. I mean, I think you guys present the male point of view.

1:31:35 Adam No, I, yes, we do. And no, I do agree that there are plenty of horny women. Here's what we say. It's a different kind of hornyness than men. And that's what we're trying to underscore on the show.

1:31:48 Caller Okay. I would probably agree with that.

1:31:51 Drew That's the point.

1:31:52 Adam And what I'm asking you is you have a lot of thoughts about sort of virtue.

1:31:56 Caller Yeah, I do.

1:31:57 Adam And you don't come from a religious family.

1:31:59 Caller Well, but I am myself. I mean, I've done a lot of things in my life based on my own values. I have very strong values that I came upon just through life. And so, I mean, I try to live my values. It's more important to me. I always say that when I die, I don't want to go kicking.

1:32:14 Adam All right. As soon as I find out she wasn't a slut, I had to hang up. She doesn't go kicking. Why? Kick yourself in the ass. OK, we got to take a break. Thanks, Anna, though. Appreciate that.

1:32:27 Caller Hello, this is your radio. Loveline will be right back.

1:32:36 Adam Hey, everybody. Well, there you go. Another fantabulous episode of Loveline, Safely in the Ground. We're going to have someone from American Pie 2 tomorrow night in this studio.

1:32:48 Drew Seth Green, Wednesday.

1:32:49 Adam Yes, I love that man. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:32:57 Drew We know you have blood out your rectum here, say.

1:33:01 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, August 6, 2001