Episode 1000754886988

1:27 Drew Got the, got the, got the, got the love of Loveline. That's true, yeah.

1:32 Adam Man, is that bad.

1:33 Drew Yeah, thank you. It is Loveline, and tonight, we're slowly starting to make our way back to some of the more normal Loveline calls, if you want to call them normal, calls you expect to hear.

1:45 Adam Right.

1:46 Drew Here on Loveline, we're still willing to discuss anything you want to discuss tonight. But I think we're going to start heading back toward the Loveline routine calls.

1:59 Adam I'm amazed that the screen is filled with their usual calls. A. Yeah. B. I guess people sort of need to go on about things, you know, although I'm still pretty flipped out, I got to tell you.

2:09 My questions are going to my PECA.

2:11 Drew Yeah. Well, I know, Drew, you're like a chick with this stuff. I mean, you really wear it on your sleeve. Yeah, you're a mess. Yeah, you're neurotic. Yeah, I don't know what happened to you. What happened to you?

2:26 Adam In life?

2:27 Drew Yeah. What'd your parents do? They did that. They pulled a number on you, Freshus. Oh, man. Yeah. You're a real headcase. No, but you do, you absorb a lot of things.

2:37 Adam Yes, I do. I'm way, when other people's suffering, it just gets in.

2:42 Drew Yeah.

2:43 Adam It does.

2:43 Drew Other people are always suffering.

2:45 Adam Yeah, I can't.

2:46 Drew Always.

2:46 Adam I can't, can't knock it out.

2:49 Drew From an Earth standpoint, we cannot even measure the amount of extra suffering that went on last week.

2:56 Adam Right.

2:58 Drew I don't mean that it's a lot.

2:59 Adam Yeah.

2:59 Drew I mean that-

3:00 Adam It's a lot, but there's always so much.

3:02 Drew There's always so much going on.

3:05 Adam You're right.

3:05 Drew All right. You should be miserable all the time. That's what I'm saying. Not just this week.

3:09 Adam You've known me a long time, aren't I?

3:11 Drew No.

3:11 Adam No?

3:12 Drew You're all right. You just got to listen to me a little bit.

3:14 Adam Okay.

3:15 Drew You learn to start abusing people that cause you grief. Pansy?

3:20 Yeah.

3:20 Drew You're 23?

3:22 Caller Uh-huh. What's up? This weekend, I was thinking.

3:26 Drew Hold on a second. Drew, you know your problem? You know what I did today? Yeah.

3:30 Adam You flew your model airplane.

3:31 Drew No. I played golf and got loaded. Loaded out in the sun.

3:37 Adam Good.

3:37 Drew That's what you got to do. What day is it?

3:40 Adam Monday.

3:40 Drew I don't even know what day it is. You guys got to head out on a Monday. Not you guys that listen to the show that always get loaded on a Monday and don't have jobs. But Drew, you are so goddamn buttoned down. You don't give yourself an ounce of movement. You might as well just put a mummy bag over your head and get through life. You got to bust loose a little bit. Screw the patience. Screw the kids. Screw the family. Go out one day. I played in this celebrity golf tournament. Yeah. And I was out in Simi Valley. I was tanked by about one this afternoon. I had about six or eight beers by one o'clock. I was hittin a goddamn golf ball all over the place. I was playing with four or five other guys who were just the same as I was, including Jimmy. Guys that didn't mind catching a nice buzz while the sun was still high. Guys that had jobs. Now these guys maintain their families. They maintain their jobs. They pay their dental insurance. They're good guys. And they're out there swinging that golf club and getting a nice buzz. You, my friend, need to do that once in a while. But you'll never give yourself the space to do it.

4:39 Adam You'll never invite me.

4:39 Drew Oh, please. I don't even think of inviting you anywhere.

4:43 Adam That's my point.

4:44 Drew Anywhere. Because you won't give yourself an ounce of space. You'll not give yourself an ounce. If you're not miserable, you're not happy. If you're not giving to somebody or putting out on somebody else's behalf, you're not alive. And then all I hear is the complaints about how busy you are. You got to cut yourself free a little bit. Go out and do something. Go see a matinee on next Monday. Just put stuff on hold. You know what? It's scary, but you'll find out you can do it.

5:13 Adam No, man, I can't.

5:13 Drew You can do it, man.

5:15 Adam No, man, when you talk to me like that, I don't even know you.

5:17 Drew Listen, brother, you can do it.

5:20 Adam I love you too, man.

5:22 Drew I want you to smoke a nice bong load and go play some go down the arcade and, you know, have a good time. See a matinee. You can do it. It feels good. Just like you're playing hooky from yourself. Right. It's great from your life. You can duck out of your life. And you know what? You're a responsible guy. People don't bother you that much. You can BS them. That's how I get away with it. What do you mean? Well, people call me and they go, have you read that script yet? And I go, no, you know, I'm pretty busy. And they go, oh yeah. Meanwhile, I'm actually wearing pajamas with an erection and I'm working on a model airplane while I'm talking to them. And I'll go, I don't know, it's pretty tight this week. You know what pretty tight this means? I got to play basketball. I got to futz around more with the model airplanes. Then I'm going to futz around with the car. That's the, you let people think you're busy and they leave you alone.

6:18 Adam I'm actually better than I used to be.

6:19 Drew Listen, Drew, you wouldn't even have to do anything. You could make a few calls and you could go, something pretty heavy came up and I'm not going to be able to make it this Monday. And nobody will question you. You can skate right out. I'm telling you, feels good. The world is your oyster. The world is your oyster. Because that's all the world is. That's all the world is. Let me tell you, I was loaded by 3 o'clock this afternoon.

6:44 Adam I felt great. And judging by your behavior currently, we have no doubt that that was in fact the case.

6:48 Drew No, you're lucky I took a nap because I was disoriented when I got home in the evening. Patsy?

6:54 Caller Yeah.

6:55 Drew You're 23.

6:56 Caller Yeah.

6:57 Drew What's up?

6:58 Caller This past weekend, I was with this guy that I'm dating and we were, you know, making out and stuff and I was going down on him and he farted right in my face, like, and I stopped and I was laughing. I mean, I know things like that happen and I was like, what was that? And he goes, I don't know, I was just, it was, I was just enjoying it and I just kept laughing at him and he was, and then he just started denying it. So I don't know if I should like keep making fun out of him and teasing him about it.

7:36 Drew What did that fart, what did that fart sound like again? Yeah, it was a two-stager both times.

7:44 Caller Yeah, it was. And I mean, I can understand he was relaxed and everything, but come on, you can hold it.

7:49 Adam I think Patsy just had a nice sound to share with us.

7:53 Drew You don't believe her.

7:54 Adam And invented a story around the sound.

7:55 Drew Yeah, I don't believe this either. Although I want to believe her because she's a chick and chicks don't do too many bogus phone calls.

8:01 Adam Yeah, but chicks don't make weird fart sounds either.

8:03 Drew They don't make weird fart sounds.

8:04 Caller No, it's not bogus. It's not bogus. I swear.

8:06 Adam Well, help me with this transition then where he goes from laughing with you to denying it.

8:12 Caller He wasn't laughing with me.

8:14 Adam Or telling you that he was enjoying it and was relaxed and then denied it. That's a transition that doesn't make sense to me.

8:20 Caller Because, I don't know, I was laughing and then he...

8:23 Adam Yeah, you don't know because it didn't happen.

8:25 Drew Hold on, but Drew, never underestimate the TARD factor on this show. The T factor, because people are horrible storytellers and they say those things that don't make sense. Yeah, so he farts, I start laughing, he starts laughing, he tells me it's because he was so relaxed.

8:46 Adam Enjoying it.

8:46 Drew And so anyway, he's denying it.

8:49 Adam You're like, what?

8:51 Drew Yeah, it doesn't, see, with the TARD factor, things don't have to fit properly.

8:56 Adam I understand that, but also with the bogus factor, things don't have to, and that's bogus plus TARD equals lousy story.

9:02 Caller It's not bogus.

9:03 Drew Humphrey Bog-Tard.

9:05 Caller What's that? I told my roommate all about it.

9:09 Drew Now, now, now it's even more, even more, even sounds more spurious, yeah.

9:13 Caller Where it's not bogus, why would I call in and say that a guy farted in my face?

9:18 Adam To, that's a good question right there as a matter of fact.

9:21 Drew Yeah, why would you?

9:22 Adam Why would you? Why would you, Patsy? What's the point of the call? What's the payoff you want from us?

9:27 Caller I don't know. I just thought-

9:28 Adam Other than the opportunity to share that lovely sound with us.

9:31 Drew What was that sound one more time?

9:36 Caller Just like that, I swear.

9:38 Drew All right. Well, there's no answer to this, right? Well, why don't you shove a throw pillow up his ass next time you blow him? All right.

9:48 Adam Keep some matches handy?

9:49 Drew Yeah. That's the thing, too, is when people call the show for questions for which there is no answer-

9:55 Adam No meaningful answer, yeah.

9:58 Drew Or even no answer. I mean, is there any answer to this? He did it. What are you going to do? Well, let's talk about farting for a second, Drew.

10:06 Adam That's why I selected that call to begin with, just to raise your spirits a little bit.

10:11 Drew I think when a guy is getting a BJ, his butt puckers a little bit because I've never farted during oral pleasure and I don't know anyone who ever has. It's a preservation thing.

10:23 Adam I think there can be some stimulation or some sort of colic reflexes.

10:28 Drew There is nerve gas if that date's been going on for a while and you're excited.

10:32 Adam But there is some puckering, I suspect, yeah. Especially when you have to push out the orgasm like you do.

10:37 Drew That's right.

10:38 Adam You have to keep everything nice and puckered.

10:39 Drew Well, with the old and with the new. Samantha, you're 26. What's up?

10:44 Caller Oh, am I on? I'm sorry. I'm just not hearing very well. Yeah. I just wanted to say, first of all, hello to both of you and I hope you're doing well. Thank you. I think you're absolutely brilliant, Adam.

10:56 Drew Thanks.

10:57 Caller Well, no, I mean, you are so witty and you're so quick with your wit that, I mean, you have to be just really intelligent. And I just-

11:03 Adam This has got to be a bogus call.

11:05 Drew Let me tell you, the world is your oyster because-

11:08 Caller Yeah, and that's all the world is.

11:09 Drew That's all the world is.

11:11 Caller Yeah, it'd be quite something to know you. But anyway, this is really a call for you, Adam, because I was talking to my mom today and I think I figured out the etymology of both the noun cornhole and the verb form of two cornhole.

11:26 Drew Right.

11:26 Caller And, evidently...

11:28 Adam Hold on. My mind, again, my man's been challenged this week to accept a lot of things. Part of accepting the world, you know, trade center, what not, but accepting this conversation that went down between she and her mom. What was the conversation there that led to this great definition and understanding?

11:46 Caller Well, my mom's a writer and she was just talking about how Eudora Welty...

11:51 Adam What?

11:51 Caller Discussed...

11:52 Adam Eudora Welty, okay.

11:53 Caller Yeah, how Eudora Welty discussed...

11:54 Adam She's a famous writer who just died.

11:56 Caller Right.

11:57 Drew What's her name?

11:57 Adam Eudora. E-U-D-O-R.

11:59 Drew Oh, it sounds like...

11:59 Adam It sounds like Eudora Welty. Yeah. Three or four words there.

12:03 Drew Like an insult. Yeah. And I always thought it was P is Adora, not P is Adora. No, not P is Adora. P is Adora. All right. But anyway, Eudora Welty. Yeah.

12:14 Caller And she was telling me about how Eudora Welty talked about you should write stories based on things that you know about but not write actual events of your life if you're doing fiction. And she started talking about when she used to visit her aunt now on the farm. And she started telling me about how horrible it was to have to wipe your ass with the Sears robot catalog and how they used to, after they chucked out the corn for feed for the animals, the livestock, they would keep the corn cobs around to wipe with in the outhouse because they didn't have indoor plumbing.

12:50 Drew Was this your mom telling you about this?

12:52 Caller Yes, this is my mother telling me about this.

12:54 Adam The grandmother was the one reporting it though, right?

12:58 Drew No, I think it was her.

12:59 Caller No, it was her aunt, my great aunt, her aunt Nell.

13:02 Adam Okay, was reporting this.

13:03 Caller So she would go to visit and have this really...

13:06 Drew Who wiped her ass with a corn cob.

13:09 Caller Right, because it was a cleaner way of dealing with it. And then on the more sinister side, the verb form has origins in a practice in very remote rural areas as a punishment, typically male-on-male punishment, but it didn't have homosexual tendencies really. I mean, that wasn't the reason for it. Rather, if a man, like an adulterer, for example, this is often the case, if a man cheated on some guy's wife, the victim, the c***old or whatever, would get a group of friends and get the adulterer, have him pinned down, and then emasculate him with the corn cob, like straight up the chocolate whizway with it, rape him basically.

14:00 Adam Likewise, Samantha goes from poetry to pornography. The chocolate whizway?

14:07 Drew I'd marry her, but I fear with her education and tongue that she's at least 370 pounds.

14:16 Caller Oh, goodness, no.

14:18 Drew What, am I 40 pounds off?

14:20 Caller Yeah, yeah, well, 38.

14:23 Drew You're a big gal, right?

14:24 Caller No.

14:24 Drew Yeah, come on.

14:25 Caller No, I'm like...

14:26 Drew There's no way you're good looking with that diabolical wit and mind of yours.

14:29 Caller Oh my God.

14:30 Drew It's impossible, impossible.

14:32 Caller No, I'm 5'8.

14:33 Drew God would not give you two gifts.

14:35 Caller He's given me some.

14:37 Drew All right.

14:37 Caller He's given me some, but you know.

14:38 Adam You're fat.

14:39 Drew Listen, thank you, Drew. I appreciate the clarification on the cornholing. That's interesting that people would wipe their ass with a cornhole, but...

14:49 Adam With a corn cob.

14:50 Drew I mean corn... What is it, cornhole? Corn cob, but it makes a certain amount of sense. I mean, if you think about it, not a bunch of paper products lying around, and you wipe your ass with the Sears catalog...

15:06 Adam That's kind of uncomfortable, yeah.

15:08 Drew Right, and now you've depleted the Sears catalog.

15:11 Adam I wonder if the corn had some sort of disinfectant quality as they threw it down the hole there, if it would soak up some of it, you know what I mean?

15:19 Drew Yeah.

15:19 Adam Maybe it also would have some benefit.

15:20 Drew I think you're doing some extra searching. I think you can get a nice wipe with a corn cob.

15:27 Adam I understand that, but I think there must be other things you can get a nice wipe with and there must be some added benefit of throwing the corn cob down the...

15:36 Drew Well, I don't know. I mean, think about wiping your ass with other things like leaves and corn husks and things.

15:41 Adam Corn husks sounds about right.

15:43 Drew Yeah, but I think it just slide along. You need a little bite. Well, anyway, I could just see Uncle Phil heading out and they're like, you're not gonna whittle that one into a pipe, are you, Phil? Good, good, smart. Very smart. Yeah, MacArthur used to wipe his ass with a corn cob pipe. Do you know that?

16:03 Well, back to the point.

16:05 Drew Yeah, Todd, you didn't get that.

16:07 Adam I did.

16:07 Drew Thank you. Todd, you're 19.

16:09 Caller Hey, I'm Adrian. How you doing?

16:10 Adam Good.

16:10 Drew Good.

16:11 Caller Hey, I was just wondering what you guys think, if there's something wrong with me or just I'm into taboo porn, I guess. I mean, I'm really into lesbians and I guess also sometimes, like a little bit of incest, I guess. On the porn. I'll read erotic fiction.

16:35 Drew Just a sprinkling of incest?

16:38 Caller Well, like father daughter, like, well, I really like twins. Like I've got a thing for twins, like female.

16:44 Adam Twins simultaneously are with each other?

16:47 Caller Yeah.

16:48 Adam And male-female twin?

16:51 Caller Well, yeah, sometimes, but mostly, like I really like lesbian and.

16:55 Adam Did anything happen to you that sort of set you up for all this?

17:00 Caller I don't think anything happened. I mean, is that wrong? I mean, is that bad? Or I mean, because it's just fantasy, you know?

17:05 Drew I mean. It's not good, but it's not that bad. It's all relative. Well, here's the thing. Here's the thought I was having, Drew. There's a lot of people that are in many different strains of pornography. Right. And they really run the gamut. And you'd be surprised and sickened at the same time if you knew all of the different pornography that is made to cater to all the different palettes. Really? I mean, they got everything. I mean, the women who, you know, smash bugs with high heels and mice and things like that. It's bizarre stuff. Just bizarre. The weird foot fetish stuff and all the weird peeping tom stuff where, you know, actual photographs of Pac-10 cheerleaders, you know, doing the high kicks. And it's just a, it's a weird world out there. But here's my point, Drew. Does it really make a difference from one to the next?

18:05 Adam From one weird aspect to another?

18:06 Drew I don't think it does. I think it all falls under the heading of...

18:11 Adam F'ed up.

18:11 Drew F'ed up and it all falls under the, you know, degradation kind of thing.

18:19 Adam Maybe all that will go underground in the current new world we're in here. Maybe we'll have a new focus.

18:24 Drew Yeah, and women will wear, wear muslin cloth across their face and all that kind of stuff. But what I'm saying is, is isn't it all just effed up to a certain degree? And if you're not acting on it, fine. But don't spend a lot of time defining one to the next and trying to read too much into it.

18:46 Adam He just sprung a leak a certain time in his development. Right.

18:51 Drew All right, Todd? Yeah. You're fine. Good luck in Utah, by the way. Okay, thanks. All right. Listen, here's the deal. I'll make you a deal and I'll make everyone a deal out there who thinks about f'd up things and fantasizes about f'd up things. Don't beat yourself up for thinking about it or fantasizing about it, as I think Todd is apt to do. On the other hand, don't do anything about it. There. As long as you never act on it, you'll never have to beat yourself up on it.

19:27 Adam If you've never had any abuse or trauma, then you probably won't.

19:30 Drew Right. Nobody act on anything. That's what I'm saying. Heather?

19:35 Yes.

19:36 Drew You're 24.

19:37 Caller Yes.

19:37 Drew What's up?

19:38 Caller I just want to say hi, Adam, and hi Dr. Drew. Heather.

19:41 Drew Hi.

19:41 Caller We listen to you every night. I work for a nationwide ambulance company. We listen to you every night on our night shifts. I just wanted to make you guys more politically correct. I hear you talk about fire and police officers and whatnot, and then you refer to the EMS side of it as ambulance drivers.

20:00 Drew We never said that.

20:01 Adam I've never used that word.

20:02 Drew No. You're talking about the EMT side of it?

20:05 Caller EMT is in paramedics.

20:07 Drew Right. I have said before when I was talking about an example, like how does an ambulance driver do his job?

20:16 Adam Yeah. How does an EMS EMT do their job?

20:19 Drew I just said ambulance driver like a sheep herder or something. Right. Just to use as an example.

20:27 Caller Right. I understand.

20:29 Drew But go ahead.

20:30 Caller As listening to you guys last night and especially with everything going on throughout the country right now, everyone seems to be banding together, whether you're fire or your police or your EMS and whatnot. But we do a whole lot more than just so-called drive the ambulance.

20:47 Drew Well, so is ambulance driver antiquated? I mean, is that like stewardess?

20:53 Adam Yeah.

20:53 Drew Are we supposed to not use that anymore?

20:55 Adam Right.

20:56 Caller Right. It's not technically politically correct, and I mean-

21:00 Drew Yeah. I know you-

21:02 Adam I think you just guaranteed that I was going to use ambulance driver from now on.

21:04 Drew No, I'm sorry. Yeah.

21:05 Adam That's okay.

21:06 Drew But now, so what do you want to be called?

21:11 Caller EMS.

21:12 Drew Emergency medical, what? What's the S?

21:15 Caller EMS, services, that kind of groups together, whether you're a paramedic or an EMT. You know, you don't have to go so far as to decide for the difference between the two, but when you're saying ambulance driver...

21:26 Drew So you say ambulance driver just sort of suggests that the guy's just sitting there behind the wheel.

21:31 Adam Right. I know that if you say EMS, no one knows what they're talking about.

21:34 Drew Well, I'd say EMT.

21:36 Adam Yeah, and you say paramedic, people understand.

21:38 Caller Right, well, paramedic is like the broader scope.

21:40 Caller I think people are more familiar with the term paramedic than they are with EMT.

21:44 Drew Yeah, let me tell you, you got a little competition in the construction world because electricians use electromagnetic tubing all the time, EMT, is a rigid form of conduit, of conduit. So yeah, you guys ought to fight, you guys ought to really fight over that.

22:03 Caller Well, we'd be satisfied with paramedics.

22:06 Drew Okay, so now what, you work, what do you do?

22:09 Caller I am an EMT for a company called AMR, American Medical Response. It's one of the nation's largest ambulance companies. It provides like 9-1-1 life-saving services.

22:20 Drew Oh, good. The world's, I mean, the biggest one in LA used to be called Ayds, unfortunately, many years ago, and they went the way of the dietary supplement of the same name. How bummed were you in like 1987 if you owned a company that made a dietary supplement, a chocolate that helped you lose weight, and it was known as Ayds, and the big ambulance company was called Ayds. Do you remember that?

22:48 Adam That's right.

22:49 Drew Seems to make sense that the ambulance company would be called Ayds.

22:52 Adam Same thing with the aiding and reducing weight.

22:55 Drew Right.

22:55 Adam These are Ayds.

22:56 Drew Oh, and then it's like it first came out, it was grids, and they were like, whew, did we dodge a bullet? Those grid guys are aft, but we're in great shape.

23:05 Adam Well, they never even considered that the name was coming their way.

23:08 Drew Then it went to Ayds, and they were like, is there a vote we can take, because we're screwed. I mean, seriously, I know this sounds ridiculous, but if you're a company, and the company you have is called Ayds, and you've been around for 20 years, and this is how you make your livelihood, and the medical profession decides to label this new horrific disease, this incurable disease, as Ayds.

23:34 Adam Should we lobby for it just to be called HIV disease?

23:38 Drew Not only lobby for it, but shouldn't you be entitled to some compensation from the government when the government takes your name and puts it on an incurable disease?

23:46 What do you think?

23:48 Drew All right. We're going to take ourselves a break. When we come back, we'll speak to Jay 33, had unprotected sex after she... Jay the girl? After she told him she had herpes. Oh, I see now. Jay the boy. All right. May have the hampies after this.

24:06 Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

24:11 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1 We'll be right back.

24:35 Drew Hey, everybody, it's The Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. 1900 LOVE., 191. Interesting human observation today as I was playing golf with six other, or I should say five other.

24:51 Adam Loaded guys.

24:53 Drew I was, I think, the drunkest. And if you want to check the scorecard, I think that'll back me up.

24:59 Adam That'll reflect it.

25:00 Drew But we were going along playing golf and playing at a King's celebrity tournament. Two King's scouts, by the way, died in one of the planes, by the way.

25:12 Adam Their head guy, wasn't it?

25:14 Drew Their head scout? Yeah. I don't know, but I'll go with yes. The point is, hanging around with a lot of the King's players in the organization, the King's LA hockey team that is an organization. Today, obviously, it was weighing on their minds. It was the couple of guys they worked very closely with, and two guys. I mean, I don't think any other sports organization or franchise lost anybody in this tragedy.

25:44 Adam Did you know Barbara Olson, remember her, who died?

25:47 Drew Yeah.

25:47 Adam Do you know she was coming out to do politically incorrect? That's what she was on the plane for.

25:51 Drew Oh, really?

25:52 Adam And had postponed the truth. They had her on the plane the night before, and she postponed it till morning, so she could have breakfast with her husband.

25:59 Drew Oh, boy. You see that, Drew? See what I tell you about spending time with your wife?

26:02 Adam It's gonna kill you. So they are, I was doing Kill-Born times, I went over there and visited, and they're doing the whole week, two weeks, I think, with an empty chair in honor of her.

26:11 Drew You did Kill-Born?

26:12 Adam Yeah.

26:13 Drew He should have done it with an empty chair, the one you were gonna sit in.

26:15 Adam He did, he did with me.

26:17 Drew Are you gonna be on Kill-Born tonight?

26:18 Adam Yeah.

26:19 Drew Oh, okay. We'll not watch that. No, we'll watch that. We can make that, right? 1230? Yeah. All right. Anyway.

26:27 Adam Tivo.

26:27 Drew Here's, well, you should have told me I would have taped it. All right. I was gonna give you a human observation.

26:32 Adam Okay.

26:33 Drew Which was, the six of us playing golf, we were playing fairly decent up until this point. There was a very hot chick that worked at the golf course, and she was floating around the clubhouse, the pro shop. She was 19. She had the great Eurasian kind of thing, sort of half round eye, half slope eye was great. Great, beautiful, creamy, dark skin, and great set. You know you got a great set of hooters when guys are almost getting into fistfights, arguing over whether they're real or not, and then upon further inspection agreeing that they're real, but really taking a side with it. 19th, you shouldn't have been there. Somebody's going to take her away from that golf course one day, maybe me. The point is she was at like the fifth hole, handing out whatever. You play these celebrity tournaments, they have the Toyota Land Cruiser hole in one car, and the win a putter, and win an autograph King's hockey stick. I always screw up miserably on all those holes. Last year I did win a bottle of the worst smelling cologne I've ever had in my life. Somebody asked me if it was English leather, and I said it was English vinyl. It was not even up the leather. But the point is, we're all playing fairly decent golf, and we all knew we were getting to Jennifer's hole. She was the hottie, and we were all kind of laughing and kidding, and she was sitting there right by the tees. And me and five other guys who had been golfing decently up into that point promptly teed the balls up. It was a shorter hole. A lot of these holes were 350, 450 yards. This one was like 225. Everyone teed it up and shanked it right into the gully. All six of us. Like it was out of a movie. I hit a drive that was like one of those top spin pop-up balls that went like 18 feet in front of me and then ricocheted off into the corner. I'd been driving the ball, no Tiger Woods, but driving it down the fairway a little bit. I mean, at least catching it.

28:35 Adam Here's the human observation. The men are showing off and she could not give a rat's ass whether you were hitting it 500 yards or two yards, she didn't care.

28:42 Drew She sat there and watched all six of us not, and by the way, they said anyone who gets it on the green is going to get themselves a $200 putter and blah, blah, blah. Nobody even got close to anything. That's why they call me Clutch. Jay?

29:01 Yes.

29:01 Drew You're 33.

29:02 Caller Yes, I am.

29:03 Drew What's up?

29:04 Caller Well, your screener got it sort of backwards. But first, I'd like to say, Dr. Drew, I've been listening to you guys since you started with The Poor Man. Way back.

29:10 Adam Wow.

29:11 Caller Way back.

29:12 Adam Long ago.

29:13 Caller Long, long time ago.

29:14 Drew Hey, me too, by the way.

29:16 Caller And the other thing I'd like to say, I'm not kidding.

29:19 Drew I listen to this show.

29:20 Caller With all due respect, Adam, I don't really like you, but I appreciate your input. You know, if that's OK, it's sort of a half assed compliment.

29:29 Drew No, it's not.

29:30 Caller But well, yeah, it is.

29:31 Drew I don't think it really falls into the.

29:34 Adam Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. You're going to get hung up on us.

29:36 Drew I don't think it falls into the compliment category.

29:39 Adam You are an asshole. What's the question, Jay?

29:41 Caller What's happening? I had unprotected sex and Dr. Drew, don't berate me. I know I was an idiot. But I had unprotected sex with a terrifically lovely young lady. The morning after she informed me she had herpes, but she's not in an outbreak phase. Do I have anything to worry about is the question.

29:58 Adam Yeah. I mean, in the next two weeks, you'll see whether or not you contracted this thing.

30:02 Drew Okay.

30:02 Caller Now, is it possible, I was told long, long time ago with one of my early, early girlfriends, 18, 19, that I gave her herpes and I've never had any symptoms of it whatsoever. Is it possible to carry it without showing it?

30:14 Adam Yeah, it's possible. There are such things, mostly women that do that.

30:17 Drew That's kind of unlikely.

30:18 Adam It's unlikely, but it's possible. Sometimes the rashes can be mild and they sort of go unnoticed and when it goes on the ground.

30:23 Caller I've had cold sores on my mouth.

30:26 Adam Well, that you can definitely transmit from your mouth to the vagina. So that might have been how you did it with your other girlfriend.

30:32 Caller Okay. The last question is, would the contact with a already herpes positive person and a hidden herpes make it more evident or is it just-

30:45 Adam No, no. That's a question. Very often when the person carrying the virus infects another person, they'll have an outbreak also at that contact.

30:55 Drew No, but that's not what he's asking. He's saying he believes he may have some sort of dormant herpy. He may be carrying some sort of dormant herpy. Okay. That having sexual contact with someone who may or may not be presently carrying herpes or does currently carry herpes, will that awaken the sleeping giant in him?

31:20 Adam Exactly. No. But almost any kind of irritation can.

31:23 Drew Drew is a genius except for he never knows what anyone's talking about. Because they don't teach that in college.

31:29 Caller Well, you see, that's why I do respect you, Adam.

31:31 Drew Thank you.

31:31 Caller You're welcome.

31:32 Drew All right. Take care. Listen, Drew does not know the answer to this. Nobody knows the answer to this.

31:38 Caller No.

31:39 Drew But no, if you have herpes, you have the herpes virus, but you're not currently having an outbreak, I would say that the chances of you passing it on are slimmer than.

31:51 Adam Oh, yeah. Than if you have an outbreak.

31:53 Drew See, here's the problem with the medical community, Jay and Drew falls prey to this once in a while too, which is you cover yourself and you don't want to be irresponsible. But you don't get into percentages. And so you say, yes, you can get it this way, and then people assume, OK, then I got it or I'm going to get it.

32:13 Adam Right.

32:13 Drew I think another thing that can happen, but it doesn't work that way all the time.

32:16 Adam There's more viral activity early in the infection. In other words, when somebody is initially infected, the viral, the outbreak is usually more intense. And the frequency of recurrences are usually more early in the disease, like you have it every month or every two weeks. Ten years later, you're not having them at all. So in that early stage, you're more contagious even when you're not having outbreaks.

32:37 Drew Okay. Good times, dick. Jay didn't like me. Dylan?

32:43 Adam You know what? It's interesting. We don't know the negatives. I wish more of the negatives would bring in, just so we know what's up.

32:48 Drew You want to ask him?

32:49 Adam No, no. What do you mean? No, no, no. I mean, just people, I'm getting sort of tired of, you guys are great. Adam, you're a genius. Yeah. Let's hear a little construction criticism.

32:58 Drew Drew, and Jay?

32:59 Adam You know I crave that stuff and you hate it.

33:01 Drew Well, no, you crave it, but then it's like kryptonite to you. You wear it around like a medallion of sorrow and it kills you. Jay, are you still there?

33:13 Caller Yes, I am.

33:13 Drew All right. Tell me what your problem is with me real fast because Drew wants to ground me.

33:18 Caller I think you spend a little too much time talking about your own stuff like the golf tournament. I appreciate it. It's great humor, but I remember when Loveline was love problems, period.

33:30 Adam More call.

33:30 Caller That's true. Is this Jay?

33:33 Adam Is this Kevin Weatherly? Is that you, Kevin?

33:35 Caller No.

33:37 Drew I agree.

33:38 Caller It's not a personal disrespect, really. I think Jim Carrey is a tremendous actor, for example, but I can't stand him.

33:45 Drew Oh, yeah. I can't stand him either.

33:47 Caller Why?

33:48 Drew Who? Jim Carrey?

33:49 Caller Yeah. I think he's a...

33:51 Drew I think he's a talented guy who I can't stand.

33:54 Caller Tremendously. I don't want to say I can't stand you, but to some degree, you kind of get on my nerves on occasion.

34:00 Adam Well, why can't you stand Jim Carrey?

34:03 Drew Huh?

34:04 Adam Jim Carrey, why can't you?

34:05 Drew I just... He's a talent... Shut up, Jay. He's a talented guy. I just don't want to watch his movies.

34:10 Adam You just don't like him.

34:11 Drew Yeah, I just... I'm not... He bothers me. It doesn't bother you?

34:16 Adam No. That's a description that a lot of women have about other women on television movies and stuff. I don't really know what they're talking about when they say that. Hmm.

34:24 Drew I don't know. But listen, just to answer Jay's question, Jay's right.

34:27 Adam What?

34:28 Drew I mean, we should take more calls and talk less about getting drunk and playing golf. But here's the deal, everybody. And maybe this is me talking about talking now. That gets dangerous. But here's the thing. I gotta have some motivation for hauling my hairy ass into this godforsaken studio every night, two hours a night. And I gotta have something that moves me, something that motivates me. And if it's talking about what went on on the golf course today, then there's gonna be some of that. Because if I just gotta talk to you way holes all night, I ain't gonna do this job for another six months. Okay, thank you. Let's help the kiddies. There you go. Dylan? Hey. You're 15.

35:08 Caller Yes, I am.

35:09 Drew What's up?

35:10 Caller Okay, well, it's kind of a little bit of a complicated story.

35:14 Drew All right.

35:14 Caller Here it goes. My mom and my dad are divorced. And then she remarried a man named Paul.

35:22 And they had a baby together. So it's my half sister.

35:25 Caller Right.

35:26 And they're separated now.

35:27 Caller They live in two different houses.

35:29 And they're gonna get a divorce. But, you know, they're arguing over full custody.

35:36 Caller They don't want to, like, Paul doesn't want to share the baby.

35:40 Drew Right.

35:40 She's three.

35:41 Drew Right.

35:42 Caller And he'll, like, call really late at night, like, at 10 or 11 o'clock.

35:48 Caller And they'll get in big fights over the phone.

35:51 Caller And she'll cry. And I'm like, what I want to do is I want to help her.

35:54 Caller You know, I want to be there for my mom.

35:56 Adam Right.

35:56 And I don't know what to do because she won't tell me what happened.

35:59 Adam Well, that's actually one of the more healthy impulses I think she has. This isn't your responsibility. If she parentalizes you further, it's not going to be good for you. It's good that you want to help. It's good that you care and let her know how you feel. That's fine. But I wouldn't go much beyond that.

36:15 Drew How close are you with your little sister?

36:18 We're really close.

36:20 Drew She's how old?

36:20 We spent a lot of time together.

36:21 Caller She's three, almost four.

36:23 Adam It's a shame to pull you guys apart. Is dad just a colossal a-hole? Step dad? Yeah. I mean, either your mom-

36:30 I have so many hilarious stories about that.

36:32 Adam But either your mom's so crazy that he's afraid to leave this child with her, or he's just a colossal idiot.

36:37 Well, he's a total jerk. He's very bad with kids.

36:42 Adam And then that translates into mom makes very bad choices.

36:47 Drew Why is he bucking so hard for custody? Do you have any idea?

36:50 Adam Just true with the mom.

36:52 Caller He's really upset. I think, in my opinion, he's really upset over the breakup.

36:56 Drew Oh, I see. All right.

36:57 He's trying to figure out a way to get back.

36:59 Drew Drew's right, which is the worst-case scenario. If you got a guy who's pushing real hard to get his kid, you think, all right, well, he loves the kid so much, he's so committed to being a father, so on and so forth.

37:12 Adam That's only if mom's totally certifiable.

37:14 Drew So here's the deal, Dylan. You, your mother will win custody unless your mother's a drug addict or a hobo or something. Can chicks be hobos or just dudes?

37:26 Adam Those are bo-bos.

37:26 Drew Bobos. Unless she's a wo-bo, that's a woman hobo. A bag lady. Or a bag lady.

37:32 Adam Thank you.

37:33 Drew Thank you, Dylan.

37:33 Adam Dylan, way to go.

37:35 Drew Or she's addicted to something. If she's a decent woman, she'll get awarded her child. There may be some joint custody or something like that. But Dylan, you're 15, do you got friends?

37:47 Caller Yeah, I have a few.

37:48 Adam Stay with them.

37:49 Drew You should have some more friends.

37:50 Adam Yeah, hang out with friends, focus. Be available for your mom, that's fine. Let her know how you feel about things. You've got a lot to deal with at 15, just growing up.

37:58 Drew Right, and you should be close to your sister, but she shouldn't be one of your friends.

38:03 Adam The three year old.

38:04 Drew The three year old. Yeah, you should have your own buddies and they should be busy giving you wedgies and beating the ass out of you.

38:11 Adam And peeing on you as your friends did. Did that start at 15? Yeah, must have.

38:19 Drew Technically it had started, but it had not neared its stride.

38:24 Adam It hadn't brewed to the high level of activity that you finally achieved.

38:28 Drew Right, right. That was in later teens. Thank you. We need to find our range. We'll take a break. When we come back, we'll speak to Lindsey16, who just had sex. We'll period now. Be regular. Wants to know?

38:40 Adam We'll tell her.

38:42 1-800-LOVE-191.

39:17 Drew Hey, hey, hey, what? Yeah, we're on. Loveline, Drew.

39:23 Adam I was pushing your mic.

39:24 Drew Oh, thanks, you idiot. It's Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, it's Dr. Drew over there, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Slow is the slow, the show is slowly getting back to normal.

39:38 Adam Not so slowly, actually.

39:39 Drew Yeah, actually, we're right back in it.

39:41 My questions are going to my PECA.

39:42 Drew We climbed right back to the Nation's underpants. Lindsay?

39:47 Yeah?

39:47 Drew You're 16?

39:48 Caller Yeah.

39:49 Drew What's up?

39:50 Caller Well, I've always had a really regular period, like always the 15th, like even before I got my period, I had like symptoms.

39:57 Adam Hold on, hold on, hold on. You normally have a very regular period.

40:00 Caller Yeah, like it's never been irregular.

40:02 Adam And before you have your period, you have?

40:04 Caller Before I got it, I had like headaches, like pain, cramps, you know, like so I knew it.

40:08 Drew No, she, yeah. But weren't you saying that even before you got your period, you had symptoms?

40:15 Caller Yeah.

40:15 Adam You mean the week before?

40:16 Caller No, I mean like the year before I had it, when I was in like seventh grade. So it's always been around the 15th. And I had sex like three weeks ago for the first time. And I wanted to know, could that make it irregular?

40:30 Adam What do you mean by irregular?

40:31 Caller Well, would that make it change?

40:33 Adam Yes, when you get pregnant, you stop having your periods.

40:36 Caller Well, I mean, if I wasn't pregnant, like, any other way.

40:38 Adam No, no, I really know.

40:40 Caller Okay.

40:41 Adam Why?

40:41 Caller Well, because, I mean, it's only two days after the 15th, but I'm already paranoid.

40:45 Adam Yeah, well, if you're that regular. Well, the emotional, excuse me, the emotional stress of worrying about having a pregnancy sometimes will cause people to delay it. So there certainly are things that can happen that can cause it to be irregular, but it's not the fact that you had sex. And how long ago was this you had sex? Two weeks ago?

41:05 Caller Three weeks ago, yeah.

41:06 Adam Go get a pregnancy test.

41:07 Caller Okay.

41:07 Adam Did you do that right away? Did you use any kind of protection?

41:11 Caller Yeah.

41:11 Adam What did you use?

41:12 Caller A condom.

41:13 Adam Did you use it properly?

41:14 Caller Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

41:17 Drew Okay. You were, I hate to worry even more, but you're pretty close to your ovulation wheelhouse, right?

41:23 Caller Yeah.

41:23 Drew I mean, having sex three weeks ago. Yeah. All right, baby?

41:27 Caller Okay.

41:27 Drew All right, so go get yourself checked out.

41:29 Caller Okay.

41:30 Drew And is this a boyfriend?

41:32 Caller Was.

41:33 Drew Oh, you broke up already?

41:34 Caller Yeah.

41:35 Drew Well, he must have been great.

41:37 Caller Well, he's a good guy.

41:39 Adam A what guy?

41:39 Caller He's a good guy.

41:40 Drew What happened? You dumped him?

41:42 Caller Oh, we didn't want to go out anymore. I don't know.

41:45 Adam He didn't want to go out?

41:46 Caller It was a long story.

41:49 Drew All right.

41:50 Adam You want to tell us?

41:51 Drew No. Are you all right?

41:52 Caller Yeah.

41:53 Adam No, not Adam. Do you want to hear it? Lindsay, do you want to tell us?

41:56 Drew Yeah, but here's my experience with people who don't want to tell their stories, and we try to get them to tell their stories.

42:00 Caller Oh, I love my telling.

42:01 Drew All right, go ahead.

42:02 Caller I went away and I cheated on him, and when I came back, I didn't really feel the same way, and so I broke up with him like a few weeks later, but I told him, and he wasn't really, well, he was upset that he didn't break up with me, and I still liked him. We weren't going out at the time we had sex, but we were like together, and we just decided we didn't want to be together.

42:26 Drew You see that, Drew? Riveting.

42:28 Adam Big payoff. But Lindsay feels better.

42:30 Drew All right. All right. All right. Take care. Bye. It wasn't she broke up with him, but he hadn't broken up with her yet.

42:39 Adam It's sort of like she cheated. They mutually fell apart.

42:43 Drew She went that into him, but she had sex with him anyway. I think it's sort of a consolation. Jennifer?

42:50 Yeah.

42:50 Drew You're 21?

42:51 Caller Yeah.

42:51 Adam That is a diabolical scheme for sort of shutting a guy up if you cheated.

42:56 Drew Oh, absolutely. All will be forgiven. You're 21. What's up?

43:01 Caller I have my nipples pierced.

43:05 Adam All right. Congratulations.

43:07 Caller Yeah, really. Well, I think I may have an infection in one of them.

43:12 Adam Did you yank on it or anything? Did it get traumatized?

43:15 Caller Not that I know of.

43:17 Adam Well, you used a lot of peroxide in the meantime, and you may need some antibiotics. Somebody needs to look at that.

43:23 Caller But I mean, I just, I don't understand it because I mean, you know, I hardly have any feeling in them as it is.

43:31 Adam What does having feeling have to do with infection?

43:36 Caller Well, because it's painful, and I mean, I hardly have any feeling, so that would be the only reason why I would think it would be infected, and I mean, how do I know?

43:46 Adam Adam, can you translate this for me?

43:48 Drew You know, I used to speak fluent-tard, as you know, I know that. from doing this show.

43:53 Adam Well, no, from your upbringing.

43:55 Drew I actually got a job at the Tard Embassy, but because we've been off-tard for a little while.

44:01 Adam Hang on, let me put on that Tard headset here.

44:03 Drew Like the United Nations, we've been off-tard for a while, talking about the World Trade Center disaster and stuff.

44:09 Adam So you can't follow either.

44:10 Drew And I've gotten rusty. I've lost it, like a guy has moved out of the country. I'm sorry, Jennifer, I did not understand that line of logic.

44:18 Adam Jennifer, a great way to cause infections is to not have the normal feedback of discomfort and pain. People that have problems with nerve supply to their feet get terrible ulcers and all kinds of awful infections.

44:32 Drew Because they can't feel it.

44:33 Adam Because they can't feel it.

44:35 Drew So you may have an infection, and the fact that it's dumb may be a better case for having an infection.

44:41 Adam That's right, it makes it more likely to happen.

44:43 Caller But I mean, you know, I've gone through like other things where like tattoos and other piercings and stuff like that.

44:51 Caller I just don't understand why, you know.

44:52 Adam Jennifer, you have a foreign body stuck through your soft tissue. Why is that a big surprise that that would get infected?

44:59 Caller I mean, I've had body piercings in other places.

45:02 Drew I understand. Let me explain something. Evil can evil made a fair amount of his jumps. But that does not mean that when he was at Caesar's Palace and he landed in the fountain and splat on the wall, that he made that one.

45:17 Adam You know, he got up saying, I make every jump.

45:19 Drew You understand? You've had some success with tattoos and piercings.

45:23 Adam And now you have a complication.

45:24 Drew Now you have a complication. Okay?

45:27 Caller It's, you know, in a way it's creepy and I just don't know.

45:31 Drew All right. Hey, hold on a second. Are you high?

45:34 Caller No.

45:35 Drew Do you do drugs?

45:36 Adam You must.

45:36 Caller I used to.

45:37 Drew You're not a mother, are you?

45:39 Caller No.

45:39 Drew Good. Do not ever get pregnant.

45:41 Adam You are a biological system. You can die. You can get infections. That's what you're made of.

45:46 Drew Even though you've had successful endeavors before with piercing.

45:50 Adam You put a barbell through something, you can get infection.

45:52 Drew Okay. So you got to get yourself checked out.

45:54 Caller All right. Adam?

45:55 Drew Yeah.

45:56 Caller I watched the man show, at least I used to until I didn't have cable anymore. I think it's a really, really great show.

46:02 Drew Thank you. You've been lifted from a tarred to stooge.

46:07 Caller Oh, gee, thanks.

46:08 Drew Thank you. We'd play some graduation music if we had it. God bless us. Jennifer is good people. I'll tell you what. She's a decent, decent lady. All right, we're going to take ourselves a break. When we come back, Drew.

46:19 Adam Yeah.

46:19 Drew Who are we going to speak to? That's right. I'll speak to Andy, who's 18, had a crush on a girl for two years, wants to tell her.

46:31 Adam That's that energy.

46:33 Drew Yeah. Maybe we'll tell her after this.

46:36 Caller Here it is. Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

46:39 Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

46:42 Caller Call the Dateline. Call the Dateline.

46:43 Caller Call the Dateline.

46:44 Caller 1-877-889-DATE.

46:49 Love Line will be right back, so get your problems ready. Ready.

47:32 Drew Lovelife has grown Outlaw Radio North America. Anderson gave me a pass on that. That was like a...

47:46 Adam That's full of nice effect.

47:47 Drew Well, we won't do it again, but don't think that one was a good one. Yeah, it was a half beat off. I'm off my game, I'll tell you. You get drunk during the day, you never come back. You never fully rebound. That day is a bust. You know what I'm saying?

48:04 I hear you.

48:05 Drew You drink eight, nine beers out in the noonday sun, you never come back. Andy?

48:11 Yeah.

48:12 Drew What's up?

48:13 Hey, first I was going to follow up to Joe. If you called earlier and said you'd talk about yourself too much, I would do the same thing because it seems every other caller, you get some stone or retarder doesn't know what's going on. I'd rather talk about myself than pick up the phone and talk to some of these retards that call in.

48:29 Thank you.

48:31 Drew You're right. I should start dedicating more of the show to myself.

48:35 It's funny stuff, so I wouldn't mind.

48:37 Drew All right. Why doesn't that feel like a compliment at all? All right. Thanks, Annie. What's up?

48:45 I had a crush on a girl for about two years and I'm just totally infatuated with her. I think about her all the time, everything.

48:52 Adam Does she have any idea you're into her?

48:55 Yes, she has some idea. Really?

48:58 Adam How does she get that idea?

49:01 I just drop little hints here and there and I think she picks them up.

49:06 Drew Did she go to your high school?

49:08 No, she goes to high school. It's real close to mine now.

49:10 Adam Is she a neighbor or something?

49:12 No, we knew each other through work a while ago.

49:14 Adam Does she have a boyfriend?

49:16 She just broke up with him about a week ago.

49:18 Drew How do you see her now?

49:21 We just talk to each other here and there and we go out and do something now and then.

49:28 Drew You call her up?

49:30 Yeah.

49:30 Drew Does she ever call you up?

49:34 Sometimes.

49:35 Drew I usually call her up. She calls you back once in a while.

49:38 Right.

49:39 Drew When you go out and do stuff, what do you do?

49:42 We just go see a movie or go shoot pool or something to eat.

49:47 Drew She's agreeing to do this, right?

49:49 Right.

49:51 Adam Have you ever taken her out on a date?

49:55 Drew See, now it's weird because when he asked her if she wants to go out and see a movie or shoot some pool, he's got to say it's a date.

50:02 Adam Yeah, yeah.

50:02 Right.

50:03 Adam Well, no, he could take her out for a nice dinner and sort of surprise her in some way, you know, make it really true.

50:08 Drew Yeah, but then that's a ballsy movie, shows up with flowers reeking of aquavelva and she freaks out at the door. Even how many times, Drew, have you talked to a girl and had her do this one? I always feel so bad for the guy. And, you know, we were friends and we were hanging out and everything was cool.

50:26 Adam All of a sudden.

50:27 Drew And he tried to kiss me and it was eww! And they got all weird and you're like, honey, what did you think this guy was doing? You obviously have no personality. You think he was hanging out with you? He didn't want to shoot pool with you? He didn't want to sit and move with you? You're a bitch. Of course he was trying to get some. And they get all grossed out. You know, like, I've never been grossed out when a woman's made advances. You know, like, maybe you're in, maybe you're not. But I never got that eww! I love when women get that eww thing going. It's so insulting. God knows how many of them have done it with my advances in conversations that I've not not been aware of. Hey, Andy.

51:04 Adam There are many doing it just now thinking about it.

51:09 Drew You got to, I think you just got to go for broke. I think we should call her.

51:15 It's like 2 in the morning here on Easter time.

51:17 Drew Yeah, that's love. All right. Does she live at home?

51:21 Yeah, she does.

51:22 Drew She does.

51:23 With her parents.

51:25 Drew Are you an attractive package? What are you doing?

51:28 I guess so. I mean, I get my fair share.

51:30 Drew You're going to junior college?

51:32 Yeah. Next year I am.

51:35 Drew You're aspiring to go to junior college?

51:38 Oh, man. Well, I really haven't decided yet.

51:41 Drew All right.

51:41 Adam It's a big decision, I know. It's just work. What is it about her that you're so into?

51:47 Well, like with every other girl, it's more for sex than anything else. And with her, it's different. I actually like her as a person.

51:55 Drew OK. All right. Andy, I'm going to give you your angle. We haven't done this one in a while. And I think chicks will totally respond to this. You girls on the other side of the glass, just listen to this angle. There's nothing that freaks a chick out more than thinking a guy has been pining away for a number of years. It weirds him out a little bit. All those compliments, all those things they did was only because he wanted to get in her pants. But here's the way you spin this one. Andy tells her that, you know what, when I first met you, yeah sure I thought you were attractive but you know, we were co-workers, you had a boyfriend, I wasn't thinking much. But lately I've been thinking about you and spending time with you and I've been thinking about you, focus on the personality, stay away from the jugs.

52:41 Adam Yeah, it's grown into something. Talk about how something has inspired in you.

52:45 Drew Yeah. Now, it's not like you got to drop a bomb now. It's not like I've been in you for two years and I got to come clean. It's like I was thinking about it the other day and I think I'm starting to have feelings for you that this great friendship has blossomed into more. And I want to tell you early when the reality is it's two years late. You think you're telling them on the first print.

53:09 Adam What do you guys think?

53:11 Drew I think that's a good BS angle, right? Then you're not too freaked out that even now, if it doesn't work out, it's not like he was in you for the last two years and there's a really weird situation. Yeah, good. Chicks love it when you focus on the personality, unless they're ugly, in which case you've got to focus on the looks. It's always a lie. The good-looking ones have no personality, so you've got to focus on the personality. The ugly ones have tons of personality, you've got to focus on the looks. Either way, just lying, you'll be safe.

53:41 Adam Guys are the same way, too, that whatever you don't have.

53:44 Drew Yeah, but we got it all. Graham?

53:46 Right. Graham?

53:48 Caller Yeah.

53:49 Drew You're 14, what's up?

53:51 Caller Well, it was just kind of like when you were talking about wiping your butt with a corn cob, you reminded me of over the summer I went to this hardcore adventure outdoors camp.

54:01 Adam Yeah.

54:01 Drew Hardcore?

54:03 Caller It's kind of like really outdoorsy camp.

54:06 Adam Survival camp.

54:06 Drew Yeah. It's called, it wasn't.

54:11 Caller And we had to spend like some time by ourselves. And we had nothing to use as toilet paper except for a pine cone.

54:20 Drew All right. Hey, Graham? Yeah? Turn your radio down.

54:24 Caller I'm sorry, my son turned it up.

54:26 Drew Down, down. You love fat camp, don't you, Lardos? And by the way, that outdoor, that may be outward bound.

54:34 Caller Yeah, it is.

54:35 Drew It may be a young criminal.

54:36 Caller Yeah. No, it's not just that.

54:38 Drew Yeah, they send the criminals to that outward bound.

54:40 Caller No, they got two kinds of it. They got the criminal one.

54:42 Drew Right. They got criminal and super criminal.

54:45 Caller Okay, yeah. Yeah.

54:46 Drew Street thug and diabolical mastermind. All right, so your troublemakers, so they sent you to outward bound and you wiped your ass with a pine cone.

54:55 Caller Yeah, basically.

54:56 Drew And now you've learned a valuable lesson.

54:59 Caller Yeah.

54:59 Drew Which is do not cramp in places that do not have toilet paper.

55:04 Caller Yeah, I guess so.

55:04 Drew You really did have to wipe your ass with a pine cone?

55:07 Caller Well, we kind of like, we had to spend time like, survival by ourselves, whatever.

55:13 Drew They didn't specifically request that you wipe your ass with a pine cone.

55:16 Caller Well, you had to stay in a certain area, and the area I was in had nothing, like no leaves, only like pine needles and pine cones.

55:24 Drew Right.

55:24 Adam So that's why you fashion some toilet paper and pine cones.

55:28 Drew I did the exact same thing when I was 14, but my area was a smart and final, so I was good.

55:34 Adam You were fine, yeah.

55:35 Drew Yeah, even then. I wiped my ass with bountiful toilet paper and lived off garbanzo beans and canned tuna.

55:41 Adam And Hershey's Kisses.

55:41 Drew It was great. Hershey's Kisses. All right.

55:48 Caller Yeah?

55:49 Drew Good times, though. Hey, buddy?

55:50 Caller Yeah. I love the Man Show.

55:52 Drew Thank you. Don't go to that Outward Bound next year.

55:54 Caller I won't, don't worry.

55:55 Drew All right. That's for troublemakers. My friend had to do that.

56:00 Who?

56:00 Adam Chris?

56:01 Drew No, Donnick. He's a new friend.

56:04 Whoa.

56:04 Drew He was three months. He had to do in that Outward Bound. It's basically, it's like, look, you're a criminal. We're dropping you off in the middle of the forest for three months. Hopefully, you'll die. And not come back. Well, society will rid you. All right. Tony?

56:21 Yeah?

56:21 Drew You're 27?

56:23 Caller Turn that down. Yeah.

56:25 Drew What's up?

56:26 Caller Okay. I've been seeing this girl for like a week and a half. And like, okay, I've only been over her house like two times, right? And like, but I've been calling her. Well, she's been calling me too, like for the last week and a half. And like the last time I was over her house, we were like making out like teenagers or something. Right? She's 22. Her name's Sandra. And like, okay, the man shows great, by the way.

56:53 Adam Tony, come on. I'm having enough trouble following this damn story.

56:57 Drew Are you making an omelet right now, Tony? Sounds like you're doing something that's mildly distracting. Not taking your full attention. Let's say an omelet.

57:05 Adam Yeah, using a food processor, grating some cheese or something.

57:09 Caller I'm a little fated. So, this weekend, I got a spy. My sister hooked me up. It's a friend of hers from work and she introduced us. So she came to work this Monday. This was last Thursday.

57:27 Adam I need the hard translations.

57:28 Caller We're making out.

57:29 Drew I need a calendar, a compass, an abacus, and a calculator to figure this out. Is this the same girl who your sister set you up with?

57:39 Caller My sister hooked me up with her and she works with her. And we were making out like last Thursday.

57:45 Adam Like teenagers.

57:46 Caller One day she came to work and it was like Friday. She was like, okay, we're going to the fair or something stupid here in Kansas. And like, I was like, cool, you know, okay, have fun, you know. And I went and did my thing this weekend and I got a hold of her today. And she was, okay, it was at lunch. She usually calls me while she's at lunch. You know, we've been talking to each other pretty heavy and everything. And like, but I called her and she told me some crazy-ass lie like...

58:14 Drew Tony, let me, let me jump in. Let me just give you a quick analogy.

58:17 Caller Okay.

58:18 Drew Picture yourself in a balloon, okay? And you're over the, you're over the Rocky Mountains and you're, you're losing altitude. Oh, and you have to chuck over everything that is not essential. You understand? All that junk, your diary, the sandbags.

58:40 Adam And the pot.

58:41 Drew The weed. You got to dump everything over to get more altitude. You understand? That's what I want you to do with this story. I want you to toss everything over the side of the gondola that is not absolutely essential so that we can get a little more altitude and not crash into the mountains.

58:58 Adam Ready and go.

59:01 Caller Okay. So she told me some crazy story that she got hit in the neck by a fruit bat. And I was like, oh really? Okay. And like what does it look like? Did it like cut you or is it like a big bruise or something? And she said, I don't know how to describe it. And right. Okay. So my sister works with her. And as soon as my sister got off of work, I like called her and said, she's got a hickey on her neck, don't she? And my sister was like, yup.

59:29 Adam I have a couple of questions.

59:31 Caller I haven't seen her since last Thursday. Hey, last Friday.

59:35 Adam As a clinician, I'm not sure I could tell the difference between a hickey and the collision with a fruit bad.

59:40 Caller But she told my sister the truth.

59:43 Drew All right.

59:43 Caller It's like mean mugger like looked at her like all the time.

59:46 Drew I understand.

59:47 Caller Secondly, she was like, she was all talking about, oh, we didn't have sex.

59:50 Adam Oh, I was, I was, I was, hey, relax, Tony, tweaking, interesting.

59:55 Caller I wasn't really, you know, thinking or whatever. And like, you know, the way I see it is she's got a hickey on her neck. And if somebody's giving you a hickey, you know you're getting a hickey unless you're being seriously distracted.

1:00:05 Adam Well, she's tweaking. She's a drug addict. Well, no, she's not a drug addict. Hey, she's on drugs. You know what the hell she's doing.

1:00:12 Caller A few times I used to be on meth. I was strung out for years.

1:00:16 Adam No kidding.

1:00:17 Hold on a second.

1:00:18 Drew Drew, scrape me off the floor. I am shocked.

1:00:22 Adam Well, so now you're just on the marijuana maintenance, right?

1:00:24 Drew Oh, man.

1:00:25 Caller Say what?

1:00:26 Adam Now you're on the marijuana maintenance.

1:00:28 Caller Oh, I.

1:00:29 Drew No kidding. Could you imagine Tony all beaked up and you two just sitting on that crappy corduroy sofa. He's got parked out on his porch talking about your plans for the future. Tony going a mile, a whirling dervish.

1:00:46 Adam Grinding his teeth.

1:00:47 Drew Grinding his teeth and telling him he loves you. Tony, no more speed, buddy.

1:00:55 Adam Here's the deal, Tony. Does Tony sound like a 27-year-old? No.

1:01:00 Drew Tony sounds like a 14-year-old.

1:01:01 Adam He sounds like a 17. This is what drugs do. They arrest development. He's got an energy that he shouldn't have at 27. Now, it's all blunted by Pot, mind you.

1:01:12 Drew Right.

1:01:13 Adam But he's not developed. A 27-year-old should not be worried about this stuff. He sounds like a young high school kid.

1:01:18 Drew Yeah. It's really bizarre. It's like Becky Sue down at the Sock Hop was making eyes with Pottsie.

1:01:24 Adam Right. Yeah, it's not a healthy situation.

1:01:28 Drew All right. So we don't care. Tony, you focus on your own ass.

1:01:31 Adam Yeah.

1:01:32 Drew Now, I don't even want to answer his question. Maybe she's got a hickey. Maybe she doesn't. Maybe a fruit bad hater. Who cares? He's got to focus on his own ass. And let me say this, and then forget Tony. Here's what I want to say to everybody. You folks, and I have a few friends that are this way, and I won't mention their names, but they know who they are. When you do a ton of drugs, you essentially arrest your development at whatever age you started doing the ton of drugs.

1:02:00 Adam That's right.

1:02:01 Drew The same as if you were in a coma.

1:02:03 Adam Right.

1:02:04 Drew You really do, and look, use logic. I got loaded today. I don't even remember what happened. Today, I just woke up at this studio. I really...

1:02:16 Adam You haven't actually... Be fair.

1:02:17 Drew I shot...

1:02:18 Adam You haven't actually woken up yet.

1:02:19 Drew I shot 18 holes of golf. I was drunk the entire time. I don't even remember the trip back from the place. I really don't. And you know why? I was loaded. I learned nothing today, but that's fine. I'm willing to burn a day once in a while, like, four days a week. But the point is, when you get really effed up, you stop. And if you continue to get effed up for ten years, starting at the age 17, at age 17, then at age 27, you are really age 17 emotionally.

1:02:48 Adam Absolutely.

1:02:49 Drew And you guys... And now, you folks that are getting effed up don't know it because you've been living in your own effed up skin for ten years and you don't feel it. You just feel like it's you. But it's you at 17.

1:02:59 Adam How do you know where you should be if you've never been there?

1:03:02 Drew Right.

1:03:02 Adam You're just where you are. So they have no insight into these things.

1:03:06 Drew All right.

1:03:06 Adam All they know is they're worrying about this chick with the hickey.

1:03:08 Drew Tony...

1:03:09 Adam At 27, that's bizarre.

1:03:10 Drew Work on your sobriety and forget about hickey chick. Nancy? Nancy?

1:03:17 Yes.

1:03:17 Drew You're 43.

1:03:18 Caller Right.

1:03:19 Drew What's up?

1:03:20 Caller I wanted to find out what I could do to stop my husband from sniffing my panties.

1:03:28 Drew Are they your soiled panties?

1:03:31 Caller Uh-huh.

1:03:33 Adam Tell us more. I'm sort of didn't know how to react to this.

1:03:37 Drew Yeah, I don't... it's probably why he married you, so I don't know if you would... I don't know if you want to stop him.

1:03:44 Caller Well, no, because we've been married like 25 years, it's just been the last probably couple years that he's been doing it.

1:03:51 Adam You got married at 15?

1:03:52 Caller Pardon?

1:03:53 Adam No, 18.

1:03:54 Drew Yeah, yeah, and he's... well, maybe he's losing his eyesight.

1:03:57 Adam Or a sense of smell or something or...

1:04:00 Caller Well, he does have eye problems.

1:04:03 Drew Listen, my grandfather started sniffing panties when he had his camera exacted up. Yeah, that's all he had.

1:04:10 Adam It was glaucoma, to be fair.

1:04:11 Caller Glaucoma. Was this a normal thing for a guy to do then?

1:04:13 Adam No, no.

1:04:14 Drew Well, if he's losing his eyesight, certainly.

1:04:16 Adam No. How do you catch him doing this?

1:04:18 Drew You see that movie, Scent of a Woman?

1:04:21 Caller What's that?

1:04:22 Adam No. How do you catch him doing this? Are you wearing them at the time?

1:04:26 Caller Catch him? No, but I'm the last one to take my clothes off because I work night.

1:04:31 Adam Right.

1:04:32 Caller And in the morning, I do laundry, so I get up and I always put my panties, you know, a certain way and then they're always sitting on top of the clothes basket, so I know.

1:04:43 Adam Well, he may be wearing them, not smelling them.

1:04:46 Caller No. How could he wear them?

1:04:48 Adam I don't know, but these guys have a way of doing that. God, these terrorists didn't have such a bad idea.

1:04:53 Caller I mean, how would he wear them when he's sleeping?

1:04:57 Adam You know, but how does he sniff them?

1:04:59 Caller Well, he's doing it when he gets up. He could wear them when he gets up.

1:05:04 Drew Well, here's the thing, Nancy.

1:05:05 Caller I work nights and then when I get up in the morning, I can tell him.

1:05:08 Adam We understand. Guys don't tend to sniff panties. That's not what they do with them.

1:05:13 Drew There's a handful of sniffers out there, but more guys put them on than sniff them.

1:05:18 Adam And they masturbate with them and things like that. That's the kind of stuff guys do.

1:05:22 Drew Cody, are you bigger than he is around the crotch area? No. He's bigger than you?

1:05:31 Adam Have you talked to him about this?

1:05:32 Drew He would have stretched these things out if he put them on?

1:05:35 Caller Yeah.

1:05:36 Adam Are they stretched out?

1:05:38 Caller No.

1:05:39 Adam Have you talked to him about this? A little bit.

1:05:43 Caller I made a few comments.

1:05:45 Adam And by the way, this is sort of more of a young man's thing. Do you guys have kids?

1:05:50 Caller Yeah.

1:05:51 Drew No, no, no, Drew. No, how old are you?

1:05:55 Caller No, it wouldn't be my kids because my kids don't even go.

1:05:59 Drew No, they're angels, I know.

1:06:00 Caller Well, no, they don't go into my bathroom after I've been in there and then before I get up.

1:06:05 Drew So they've got no access to it.

1:06:08 Caller So I know it's him.

1:06:09 Drew How old are these kids?

1:06:10 Caller My kids?

1:06:11 Drew No, Drew, how old are your kids? Now, how old are your kids, Nancy?

1:06:16 Caller Well, my youngest one's 14 and the rest are all grown. They're girls.

1:06:21 Drew I see. So you got the 14 year old male floating around?

1:06:24 Caller Yeah, but he's got his own bathroom. He don't even go into mine.

1:06:28 Adam 14 year old males are like rodents.

1:06:30 Drew Jesus, if I had my own bathroom at 14, I would have ruined it.

1:06:34 You understand?

1:06:35 Adam It's comical just thinking about it.

1:06:37 Drew They'd still be working on it.

1:06:39 Adam They'd have to get a construction crew to get you out.

1:06:42 Drew Yeah. So let's say it's the husband, and there's a possibility that he's wearing them, but he may just be examining them or sniffing them.

1:06:50 Adam Or masturbating with them.

1:06:51 Drew Maybe. Is he jealous type?

1:06:53 Caller Yes, very.

1:06:56 Drew See, sometimes jealous guys think they can smell another man on their woman. Does he ever accuse you of cheating?

1:07:05 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:07:06 Drew Oh, he does?

1:07:06 Adam Yeah, okay. That's more...

1:07:08 Drew He's sifting through a little evidence pile there.

1:07:11 Adam Yeah, he's doing some DNA sampling and that sort of thing.

1:07:14 Drew Right. Do you ever cheat on him?

1:07:17 No.

1:07:17 Drew No?

1:07:20 Adam You don't see?

1:07:21 No.

1:07:21 Drew You don't?

1:07:22 No.

1:07:23 Drew You guys sound like you have a great relationship, by the way. What are you doing for Thanksgiving? I like to fly off to Utah and just hang out with you guys. What's your husband doing? He drives a truck?

1:07:34 Caller I don't want to say.

1:07:36 Drew All right. I bet he drives two trucks, this guy. He's so much mad. All right. Nancy, why don't we just discuss it with him? I think this is all part of his suspicious nature.

1:07:48 Adam Yeah. And once again, this is that women thinking like women, they got to think like a male. We start trying to figure out what a man's doing.

1:07:56 Drew I think she's trying to think like a male.

1:07:58 Adam But she's not making it. She's not quite there.

1:08:02 Drew Well, her panties are moved about. They have been handled.

1:08:06 Adam But she said, well, then, therefore, they must be sniffed. And both of us went, what? What? No, no.

1:08:11 Drew No, I don't think that's totally unreasonable.

1:08:13 Adam No. I think the DNA sampling is what he's doing. He's sniffing, but he's sniffing for clues.

1:08:19 Drew Right.

1:08:19 Adam He's blues clues here.

1:08:21 Drew He's not a dog sniffing duke at the park. He's a dog sniffing gunpowder at the airport.

1:08:27 Adam Right. It's a McGruff.

1:08:29 Drew Thank you. All right. Talk to him about that. And, you know, three options. Your husband's sniffing, looking for cheating. Your husband is wearing them and masturbating. Your husband is sniffing them for enjoyment. Oh, and the fourth option, 14-year-old son is sniffing them. Or possibly mincing about in them while he pleasures himself in front of satanic music.

1:08:51 Adam And there's four females in the house. We don't even consider them being involved with things. All right.

1:08:56 Drew Nope, we'll take a break. We'll be back.

1:09:06 Loveline, I'll be right back.

1:09:34 Drew Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew over there.

1:09:39 Adam And I'm pissing you off tonight.

1:09:40 Drew Yeah, just figured out another reason to hate Dr. Drew.

1:09:42 Adam Yeah.

1:09:43 Drew All right, we will go back and take some more phone calls. Paco? Hello. Hi, you're 28. What's up?

1:09:52 Caller Well, this is a little bit adding on to what you're saying about that herpes earlier. Well, just recently, I had sexualities with a young lady.

1:10:01 Adam Sexualities?

1:10:03 Drew I see. Did you have intercourses with your sexualities?

1:10:08 Caller Yes, we had the sexes. But anyways, after we were done, she revealed to me that she had herpes. But then she said she was kidding. Well, recently, the past couple of days, I've been getting like little sores down there. I was wondering, my question is, what exactly does herpes look like?

1:10:25 Adam Herpes can exactly look like a lot of different things. It can be, the classic description is a cluster of vesicles on a red base.

1:10:33 Drew Well, people don't know what vesicles are, but it looks like a cluster of little blisters.

1:10:38 Adam Yeah, but it can also look like sort of streaks. It can look like single large blisters. A lot of different, we can ulcerate before you see the blister. A lot of different things. It's a sore, any kind of sore.

1:10:48 Drew You're not going to mistake it for a wart or a zit.

1:10:50 Adam Right. It hurts, too. It burns. Ah. Ah, I see.

1:10:56 Drew Okay, Paco.

1:10:57 Adam All right. Good times.

1:10:59 Drew All right. Anyone who anyone who calls it sexualities, what did he say?

1:11:06 Adam Sexualities and sexes.

1:11:08 Drew You know, what would be fun is if he should say that she said she had herpy. It would be sort of poetic. Okay. I think Paco was full of crap, by the way.

1:11:19 Adam Oh, no kidding.

1:11:21 Drew Yeah. But there are other people probably want to know the answer to that question. So fine. Brian.

1:11:29 Caller Yeah.

1:11:30 Drew Hey, you're 13. What's up, chum?

1:11:33 Adam He sounds like a South Park character.

1:11:34 Caller I just want to start off by telling you, you're like my role model, Adam.

1:11:37 Drew Thank you.

1:11:37 Caller You're like the coolest guy in the world.

1:11:41 Drew Yeah.

1:11:42 Caller There it is.

1:11:44 Caller Yeah. So this guy who lives near my girlfriend, he's always like walking around her house, like trying to stalk her, and he's always throwing stuff at her window to make her like come out and yell at him, and like just yesterday.

1:12:00 Drew How old is this guy?

1:12:01 Caller He's 14.

1:12:02 Adam To come out and yell at him?

1:12:04 Caller Yeah. I don't know. Maybe he has like some weird sick pleasure of just like watching her get all mad and stuff.

1:12:10 Adam Yeah. Some people will take any kind of attention. Attention. Yeah. There is that element out there. What? Yeah.

1:12:16 Caller So like yesterday, she goes outside because he like, I don't even know what he was doing, but he punched her like right in the face and kind of gave her like a black eye kind of thing.

1:12:27 Adam What?

1:12:28 Drew She's got a hand at coming.

1:12:30 Caller And I was just like, I was like, who did that to you? And she's like, oh, it was Jason. So I just want to know like how I should handle it. Like I want to beat the crap out of him. But some of my friends tell me that if I get caught, I can go to juvie.

1:12:42 Adam Yeah. Yeah. I understand why.

1:12:45 Drew I'm confused, by the way. I've always heard juvie. Is that for juvenile or is that short for Jewish person?

1:12:52 Adam Juvenile, huh?

1:12:53 Drew I see. I see. I was I was confused. I always thought it was for that the Jews went there. But no. No. Ironically, you'll not find one Jew in that place. Not only do they not commit crimes, but the ones that do have such a fantabulous representation, it would never happen. Never happen. All right. So, Brian. Yeah. Didn't she want to call the cops?

1:13:17 Adam Right.

1:13:18 Drew Or what about her parents?

1:13:20 Adam Right.

1:13:20 Caller One night when I was on a phone with her, I told her to actually call the cops. And they were like throwing rocks at her. She was inside of her garage and she was afraid to come out.

1:13:29 Adam There's a whole lot missing.

1:13:31 Drew There's a lot missing here. What's up with her Hillbilly parents?

1:13:35 Caller Oh, like, I don't know. They're like real messed up. They don't like any of her friends. And whenever she comes up with a bruise from this guy, they're like, oh, yeah, sure, Matty. You're just making that up. You probably fell. No.

1:13:47 Drew Okay. Listen. Brian, there's stuff here that you're not aware of.

1:13:52 Adam Yeah.

1:13:53 Drew You may be in over your 13-year-old head on this one.

1:13:56 Adam It all seems clear and easy. And this is like a hearty boy scene for you. But the reality is, there's a lot more.

1:14:04 Drew Well, here's the thing. And Drew, you weigh in because it's starting to come into focus for me. I think this girl's probably a little troubled. Oh, yeah. And gets into it now and probably has a little more history with this guy other than the strange guy who just comes down the street.

1:14:24 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:14:25 Drew Could be an ex-boyfriend or something.

1:14:27 Caller No, she just moved there and she has two little brothers. And he always likes to come over and play with them, you know, so he can use their scooters and stuff. And that's kind of how we met her.

1:14:39 Adam Yeah, Brian, there's just a lot more here.

1:14:41 Drew She has no... she's dancing with this guy a little bit. Why is she coming out when this guy's out on the street?

1:14:49 Adam Why does she engage?

1:14:51 Caller Where's her... She takes stuff. Like, sometimes her brother will leave a scooter out on the driveway or something.

1:14:58 Drew Where are her brothers? How come they're not dealing with this guy?

1:15:02 Caller Well, one of them is four and the other one's ten. They can't really do anything.

1:15:06 Adam Where are her parents? Why aren't they dealing with this guy?

1:15:09 Caller I don't know. They said they were getting into some kind of argument with their parents, but then they're like, they're totally denying it.

1:15:14 Adam Yeah, just know that there's a bunch missing here. A ton missing, whether it's because the parents are totally messed up or loaded with drugs and they don't see what's going on, or whether she's actually dancing with the guy and sort of engaging this in some way or escalating it.

1:15:28 Drew I guess it's probably all of the above. There's probably little bits of all of it. So here's the deal, Brian.

1:15:34 Adam Stay away.

1:15:35 Drew Yeah, if she's your girlfriend, focus on that side of it. I'm wondering if she's even the girlfriend. All right. Let's talk to Steve from Alaska. Jesus Christ.

1:15:52 Yes, Adam.

1:15:53 Drew Yes, Steve, you're 35.

1:15:54 Caller How you doing?

1:15:56 Drew Good.

1:15:56 Caller What's-

1:15:59 Caller Oh my God.

1:16:00 Adam Alaska?

1:16:01 Drew Hold on. Are we allowed to say that?

1:16:03 Caller That's my stupid ass kid.

1:16:05 Adam That's your child?

1:16:07 Caller Yes, that's my child.

1:16:08 Adam You let him talk like that?

1:16:10 Caller Nick, stop. Stop it.

1:16:12 Stop it.

1:16:13 Adam Time out.

1:16:13 Caller But anyway-

1:16:14 Adam Time out for Steve, for your son.

1:16:17 Caller What's that?

1:16:18 Drew Listen, can't you go upside his head with a mucklock or something?

1:16:22 Adam Totem pole?

1:16:23 Caller I would love to do it, but you know the laws nowadays.

1:16:27 Drew How old is that kid?

1:16:28 Caller He's 13.

1:16:30 Adam 23.

1:16:30 Drew Listen.

1:16:36 Adam Oh my God.

1:16:38 Drew Who is- put him on hold there because son was yelling the F word in the background. Who is he talking about? His dad?

1:16:47 Adam I don't know.

1:16:48 Drew Listen, all males, your son should be scared. You should not physically strike him, but he should be scared you're going to beat the crap out of him, always.

1:17:00 Adam Or the symbolic equivalent. You know, pull enough out from under him that he'll hurt.

1:17:07 Drew Always. All right, Steve?

1:17:10 Yes.

1:17:11 Drew I'm wondering whether I should punish Steve or not.

1:17:14 Adam No, no, it's not Steve's fault.

1:17:15 Drew Of course it's his fault. He's a horrible father.

1:17:18 Adam But I mean-

1:17:19 Drew He's the world's worst dad.

1:17:22 Caller Oh, thanks, Adam.

1:17:22 Drew He's got a son that's just like a sailor.

1:17:26 Caller You know, I tape your show every night, you know.

1:17:29 Drew Thank you.

1:17:29 Adam Where's his mom?

1:17:31 Caller His mom is- he doesn't even know his mom.

1:17:33 Adam Yeah, that's the problem here.

1:17:35 Caller Yeah, his mom is supposedly in Florida. And he's never even- he doesn't even know his mom at all.

1:17:43 Adam All right.

1:17:44 Drew What are you doing in Alaska?

1:17:46 Caller What am I doing in Alaska?

1:17:47 Adam What are you doing in Alaska?

1:17:49 Caller Well, the thing is, my parents more or less moved us up when I was really young. And that's why I'm here. That's why I'm here.

1:17:56 Drew Hey, put your son on for a second.

1:17:58 Caller Okay, hold on.

1:17:59 Adam He can't use the F word.

1:18:01 Hello?

1:18:01 Drew Listen, you little mongrel. You shut your pie hole while your dad's talking. You understand?

1:18:08 Yeah.

1:18:08 Drew Show him some respect. All right. He may not be the greatest guy, but he's your dad. And you have to show him some respect. You understand? He's on the phone with a very, very important celebrity. All right. Steve? Are you back?

1:18:25 Caller Hey, Adam?

1:18:25 Drew Yes.

1:18:26 Caller I'm really sorry about that.

1:18:27 Drew That's all right. I straighten your mouth.

1:18:29 Caller Okay. I appreciate that.

1:18:31 Drew Hey, listen. Tonight when he's asleep, just put a pillow over his head.

1:18:34 Caller I tell you.

1:18:34 Drew It'll be painless. He'll never know.

1:18:37 Adam What's going on?

1:18:37 Drew He'll just do like a bad dream. Yeah.

1:18:39 Caller I'm a single parent. I don't try to make that as an excuse, but you know, it's just, you know, him and his friends, you know, I begged him not to do anything when I got on the air. I begged him, but you know, no, you know. But I tell you.

1:18:54 Drew Tell him, he pulls that crap again, no more seal blubber for six months.

1:18:59 Caller Yeah.

1:19:00 Drew So is that what they live off there? Yeah.

1:19:04 Caller Hey, Adam.

1:19:06 Drew Yeah, go ahead. Ask your question. Sorry.

1:19:08 Caller I just kind of wondered why, now they're fighting in the background. I just kind of wondered.

1:19:13 Drew Didn't I just talk to that kid?

1:19:15 Adam There was a group of them, apparently. All right.

1:19:18 Caller No, it's just Adam. Adam, blah. Yeah. My son Nick and his friend Paul, you know, fighting. It's chaos here, buddy.

1:19:29 Caller Stop it!

1:19:30 Caller Anyways...

1:19:31 Adam My God.

1:19:32 Drew Hold on, Drew. This show was so much better when we were talking about the terrorist attacks.

1:19:39 Adam Yeah.

1:19:39 Drew It is really taking it. It's really slid.

1:19:42 Adam Yeah.

1:19:43 Drew All right. I'm going to give Steve five seconds to ask this question. Steve, go!

1:19:47 Caller Okay. What I wanted to say is I just kind of wondered, Adam, how come you don't ever talk about a girlfriend or anything like that, you know, and or...

1:19:54 Drew I can deal with the fact that I am gay now. Yeah. What?

1:19:57 Caller No, I know you're not gay.

1:19:58 Drew Right. Well, you don't know that for sure. I sure like guys.

1:20:03 Caller No, you like the gay lifestyle.

1:20:04 Drew I do. I wholeheartedly embrace the gay lifestyle. I have a girlfriend. I don't talk about it. I don't know why. It's just not something that I get into on this show. I won't deny it, but it's not something that...

1:20:20 Adam It might affect your man show vibe.

1:20:22 Drew Yeah, that's right. I got an image to keep up. No, I have a girlfriend. We're very much in love.

1:20:30 Adam That's why you're going for Jennifer on the fifth hole.

1:20:33 Drew Oh yeah. I'm going to put it in the second hole. Or would it be the third? All right. Let's talk to Lisa. Oh my God. If my kid ever... I swear to God. Oh, Drew, seriously. Listen, if your kid's a little ferret with a foul mouth that does not respect you, and you want to know what the problem is, just look in the goddamn mirror. That's all you. It could be nothing but you. Especially as a dad.

1:21:00 Adam It's always about the parent.

1:21:01 Drew As I have no kids, I will not tolerate that for a second. Go ahead there, Lisa.

1:21:07 Caller Yeah, I'd like to tell y'all y'all are awesome.

1:21:09 Drew Thanks, Lisa. You're 16. What's up?

1:21:11 Caller Well, me and my... I called a couple weeks ago, and I was talking about my fiance. Well, we got into it, and I'm pregnant, and I wasn't sure if I was when I called last time, but I went to the doctor and they said I was. Yeah. And, well, we've been fighting a whole lot, and he has another girlfriend now, and we've been fighting a whole lot. And, well, I went out there where he was the other night, and I didn't know he was out there. And I didn't know she was out there actually, and when I went out there, they were having sex, and I caught him.

1:21:44 Drew Right.

1:21:45 Adam That was his girlfriend, though, right?

1:21:47 Caller Yeah.

1:21:48 Caller Well, we just broke up.

1:21:50 Drew Right.

1:21:50 Caller A very long ago.

1:21:51 Drew Right. But what did we tell you about this guy?

1:21:54 Caller To leave him?

1:21:54 Adam Yeah.

1:21:55 Drew Yeah, listen, I'm not just saying this to be right. I don't clearly remember what we told you about this guy, but I do have some recollection of us saying this guy was probably a jerk off.

1:22:05 Caller Yeah.

1:22:06 Drew And that maybe it would be better off without him.

1:22:08 Caller Yeah, he is.

1:22:10 Drew Well, there you have it. Proof positive, everybody.

1:22:13 Adam And we started talking about adoption, as I recall, too.

1:22:15 Caller Yeah.

1:22:16 Drew Right.

1:22:16 Caller But I decided I'm going to keep the baby, and he said he was going to be there for the baby, but not for me.

1:22:21 Adam Of course.

1:22:21 Drew He's going to be there for the baby. You better hope this jackass isn't there for the baby.

1:22:26 Caller Well, he's going to be in... Well, when I went out there, I told him if he didn't quit what he was doing out there, that I was going to call the cops, and he told me to go ahead and do it, because he didn't think I was going to do it. So I went and called the cops on him, and he got three or four felony offenses now.

1:22:40 Drew Yeah, you know, it's always... Before you become a dad, it's important to pad your record. Hey, listen, screwball. Listen, hold on. Turn that music down and start playing a funeral dirge, please. I'm going to kill myself. Listen, I know you have the biological capability to create another human being, but in my mind and in God's heart, you don't have the right to raise this kid. I know there's nothing we can do about it as a country, and God damn it, when I'm in charge, there will be something we can do about it. But you should not have the right to screw up this kid. You're 16, your head's spinning around like a dreidel. You got a guy with four felony convictions who's humping some other piece of white trash in some trailer park, and God knows where. What are you doing? I command you to give this kid up for adoption. If you have an ounce of decency in you, you'll do it. An ounce. And this guy being there, not for you, but for the kid, is nonsense.

1:23:45 Adam Nonsense.

1:23:46 Caller I know.

1:23:47 Drew Complete and utter nonsense.

1:23:50 Caller And the thing I don't understand is, he said he loved me like a couple weeks ago, and then tonight he tried to hit me. Every other night he tried to hit me.

1:23:57 Drew Right.

1:23:57 Caller And I knocked the holy living dog crap out of him. I really did.

1:24:02 Drew Well, I stand corrected. This is going to be a Cosby-like environment this kid is growing up in. I had no idea he just took a swung at you and you counterpunched.

1:24:11 Adam And beat the holy living crap out of him.

1:24:12 Drew Hey, Lisa.

1:24:13 Caller Yeah.

1:24:14 Drew Look, I'm sorry for whatever somebody did to you growing up. And I'm sure there was something. And I'm sorry for that. But that doesn't give you the right to do it to somebody else, namely your newborn.

1:24:27 Caller I know.

1:24:27 Drew Do you understand that concept?

1:24:29 Caller Yeah.

1:24:30 Drew Can you please do the right thing and give this child up for adoption? Can you please do that? So that whatever was done to you is not passed on to this child?

1:24:43 Caller I can't do that.

1:24:44 Adam Why not?

1:24:46 Caller Because I think it's wrong, actually. Because I don't want my kid to grow up hating me.

1:24:52 Adam That's the way they're not going to. Get them proper parents.

1:24:56 Drew Grow up with you and they're guaranteed to hate you.

1:24:59 Adam Guaranteed.

1:25:00 Drew I hate my parents. Drew hates his parents. And they weren't even that bad. Well, Drew's were pretty bad, yeah. All right, baby.

1:25:08 Caller But all I'm going to say is, we've been fighting a whole lot and I've been really depressed and I haven't really been able to eat very much. I'm just not sure if that's really, really bad for the baby.

1:25:17 Adam Yes, it's really bad.

1:25:17 Drew Oh, who cares? What do you think he's doing? You think he's going to college and he's getting a good job? What do you care? What do you care?

1:25:25 Caller Because I love him.

1:25:26 Drew No, you hope he comes out with one arm or something, get some state funded assistance or something. Yeah, that's your best move. Yeah, hope the kid comes out of GIMP, state steps in and he's taking care of him.

1:25:37 Adam Nutrition is a big issue.

1:25:38 Drew Otherwise, he's working at the Wiener Schnitzel his whole life and knocking up other screw balls.

1:25:42 Adam You need adequate calorie, adequate protein, folate, iron, you need pre-natal vitamins and pre-natal care. You need to talk about adoption with this, John. Yeah.

1:25:55 Drew Everyone's got the right to do this, by the way, everybody. I can't have a mother effing pot plant in my backyard, but this 16-year-old with a fourth grade education can crank out a kid. What the hell kind of country are we living in?

1:26:10 Adam Now that Congress is so united, maybe you can slip something in there.

1:26:13 Drew Yeah.

1:26:13 Adam Get involved.

1:26:14 Drew I want a pot plant in my yard.

1:26:16 Adam No. More importantly.

1:26:18 Drew And by the way, where are you NRA pussies on this? You civil libertarians, everyone has the right to bear arms. Where are you pussies on the pot plants? Why don't you gun-toting, redneck, right-wing pussies step up on this one? And what about my rights? Or does it only involve shooting people? That's your rights and then your rights end when you stop putting hollow tips into banana clips? Where are you NRA pussies on this? Why do you guys go so crazy with all this property and rights and pursuit of happiness and all this kind of stuff, and all this stuff that involves the Constitution, and then when it comes to some guy growing a pot plant in his backyard, you want that hippie executed? Where are you hypocritical pussies on this one? Thank you. We'll take a little break. Hey, hello.

1:27:46 Caller Loveline.

1:27:47 Drew All right. Let's keep pushing forward here, Drew. Speak to Tina. It's 34. Tina?

1:27:53 Caller Yep.

1:27:53 Drew Hi. What's going on there, baby?

1:27:55 Caller Hey, I was just kind of wondering what you guys thought about internet dating.

1:27:59 Adam Well, I mean, people, dating services or somebody you meet on some sort of chat?

1:28:04 Caller Actually more of a chat. I probably have, oh, I don't know. I think I've got my profile up on probably five different chat, I think you got to be kind of out of your mind to do that.

1:28:16 Adam Really, you don't know who the hell you're talking to. It tends not to be the most savory crowd. It could even be dangerous. Dating services can sometimes be good. I've known people who have used those.

1:28:27 Caller Well, I've actually met some different people from online.

1:28:29 Drew When you say profile, you mean like Alfred Hitchcock's profile?

1:28:33 Caller Remember that? Yeah.

1:28:36 Caller Well, more like a picture and some information. But you usually have a fake, like a nickname. And then you have some basic information, what state you're from or whatever. I'm in Alaska. And then you usually have an area where you can write kind of the person that you want.

1:28:52 Drew OK. Here's my take on this. And I think Drew would agree with this. I think you'll go along with me. If you can use it as a means to meet and connect with somebody, much almost like some sort of electronic singles bar or something, fine. But if you two think you're going to start and carry on a relationship over the computer for six months before the guy saves up enough money to fly out from Des Moines, that's BS.

1:29:21 Caller Actually, I met somebody in Missouri online and...

1:29:26 Adam Hey Tina, if you've got your mind all made up about this, why are we having this discussion?

1:29:29 Drew No, look, listen, that's fine. I mean, look, there's not a lot of men where you are and all that kind of stuff, but I'm saying get it going. Don't have a fantasy relationship based on font size.

1:29:41 Adam It's all fantasy.

1:29:42 Caller Well, my best friend married somebody from Oklahoma who she met online.

1:29:46 Drew All right, it's possible. Now realize though, Tina, this guy may be a bigger loser than you.

1:29:53 Caller Well, he actually flew up and we met in June.

1:29:55 Drew And how was he?

1:29:56 Caller He was actually great. He's got a great job. His wife died of cancer a year ago.

1:29:59 Drew Good angle.

1:30:01 Caller And I had talked to his family. I've talked to him at work and stuff and seems like a really nice guy. And we're still friends. But I've met quite a few people online and there have been-

1:30:11 Drew We're still friends. You're still friends. I thought he was a dynamite guy.

1:30:15 Caller He is.

1:30:15 Drew What happened?

1:30:16 Caller What happened?

1:30:18 Caller Basically, I told him I didn't think he was ready until the year was up after his wife had passed away.

1:30:23 Drew Right. But he probably killed her anyway, so he's ready. Yeah. What are you looking for? You found a guy with a good job whose wife kicked off?

1:30:32 Caller Well, he's got three kids and I have two and a little bit complicated, I guess.

1:30:37 Drew All right. So were you just looking for a good time?

1:30:40 Caller No. No, nothing like that. You know, long term. I think he thinks that I'm in a hurry probably. I don't know.

1:30:46 Adam Wait a minute. You're in a hurry and you told him to go away. You're not making any sense here. All right.

1:30:52 Drew Not enough time. Here's the deal. Internet, fine. Good way to meet people but meet them. Not in a dark park at four in the morning. But what I mean is, here's the thing everybody too. I don't want, listen, I live in Hollywood. I wouldn't want to date someone who lived in Huntington Beach. Forget about Wyoming, Missouri, Kansas. What are you people doing? You're trying to date people that are five states away from you?

1:31:20 Adam It doesn't make sense.

1:31:22 Drew You find people in your own goddamn state. Forget about it. Much less city. You know what I mean? What's the strategy there? I'm going to hook up with a ton of chicks that are a million miles away.

1:31:34 Adam We've only got 30 million here in California.

1:31:37 Drew Just get on the Internet, find someone who lives down the street and go bang the bejesus out of them. Enjoy, Brett. You're 21.

1:31:46 Caller Yeah.

1:31:47 Drew What's up?

1:31:48 Caller My heart's been pounding just waiting to talk to you guys.

1:31:50 Caller All right.

1:31:51 Drew I guess that's good, right? Otherwise you'd die?

1:31:54 Caller I guess so, yeah. It's kind of hard to really think about all that's been going on, but my dad right now, he's always been very strong. He's one of the guys from the older generation who was in the Vietnam War, and he's been a very hard worker. He's worked almost every day of his life.

1:32:14 Drew Right.

1:32:14 Caller Workaholic, and he's worked in a steel factory, and he just got laid off in April.

1:32:19 Drew Drew's dad survived the depression, you know.

1:32:21 Caller Yeah.

1:32:22 Drew He knows the value of a dollar.

1:32:23 Adam And so.

1:32:24 Drew So anyway.

1:32:25 Caller Speaking of which, he is clinically depressed right now. Each day he's getting worse. He has paranoia.

1:32:34 Drew Hey, Brent.

1:32:36 Caller Yeah.

1:32:36 Drew Do you live with him?

1:32:38 Caller Yeah. This summer, I'm in two days to go to college.

1:32:40 Adam Does he take pain medication?

1:32:42 Caller Yes. And that's another thing. He hasn't been taking his pills. My mom's been getting very angry.

1:32:47 Adam What pills?

1:32:47 Caller Not at him, but at the situation, because he's not taking his pills.

1:32:51 Adam Pills for depression?

1:32:52 Caller Yeah, because he's not sleeping right, he's not eating right, he's crumbling, and we don't know what to do. And I've always had a hard time talking to my dad because he's my stepfather.

1:33:04 Adam Why don't you call his doctor and see what you can maybe do to help out?

1:33:08 Caller He won't allow my mom to help him.

1:33:10 Drew I know, but can you call his doctor?

1:33:12 Adam Whoever's prescribing the medication, you get that number and you call them and tell them what's going on. They may or may not be able to tell you anything, but at least you can alert the people that actually can help him to what's happening.

1:33:23 Drew All right, and then, Brent, and then you go off to college and you can't internalize this. If he, sad to say, if your stepdad wants to crumble, then that's his business and your mom's business, and you go off to college and you get an education and you have your life and you care about him, but you don't crumble with him.

1:33:43 Caller We'll be back.

1:33:44 Caller All right, guys, bottom line, here's the deal.

1:33:46 Caller Looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person. One call's all you need to make.

1:33:51 Call the Dateline.

1:33:52 Adam 877-889-DATE.

1:34:30 Drew Hey, everybody. Well, that's it. Interesting episode of Love Line, but I enjoyed myself, and I hope you did too, Drew.

1:34:41 Adam I did.

1:34:41 Drew All right, so we'll be back with you tomorrow night, and until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahala. Nah, I have a girlfriend. We're very much in love.

1:34:52 Caller This has been Love Line. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Love Line is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Love Line is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, September 17, 2001