Episode 1000754886947

1:01 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:10 Voiceover Loveline, coast to coast.

1:13 Drew Yep, it is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. This is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, fax number 310-854-4455. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist.

1:24 Adam Well, that will teach you. That will learn you, Adam.

1:27 Drew Yeah, Drew is talking about one of the guys from Staind. I think all the guys in Staind smoke a fair amount of weed, do they not?

1:36 Adam Yeah, it seems like it, yeah.

1:38 Drew Yeah, and one of them brought out, one of them just opened a baggie of weed last night. Not in front of us, off to the side, down below.

1:47 Adam You start to act like one of those sniffing dogs. Like a dog chasing your tail right around.

1:52 Drew Like a dog at the airport.

1:53 Adam Yeah.

1:53 Drew He opened this bag of weed, it had probably seven or eight buds in it, and he started flapping it around, but not in front of us, not in view, right?

2:02 Adam Oh, no, you just started freaking out. All of a sudden, I was like, what's going on here? Oh my God.

2:08 Drew What's going on? What's happening? There's a harvest going on here.

2:12 Adam I didn't tell you, I thought somebody had farted or something, that you were going to announce that you had let one go.

2:17 Drew Drew didn't know the smell of weed, God bless him. I said, what the hell is going on with the weed in this room? And the guy pulled out a big bag. And I said, holy Christ, let me smell that. This was during a commercial. Was it? Well, it was during the show and then into a commercial. I smelled this bag of weed. This was some kind of hydroponic super weed. And I said, my God, I put my face in this thing. I got stoned, just sniffing the buds. And then he dropped a big bud off in front of me before he left. So I took it home. I stared at it for about 10 seconds. And I thought, yeah, maybe I'll try a little of this out before I go to bed. Big mistake. I was spinning all night. I was like hallucinating. I couldn't sleep. I was freaking out.

3:04 Adam What did you see?

3:04 Drew I kept thinking mosquitoes were landing on me when my feet were hanging out of the comforter.

3:10 Adam Did you get panicky?

3:13 Drew No, I didn't. I didn't spaz too hard. I just kept thinking I got to go to sleep and I couldn't go to sleep. And I'm a lightweight now. I got to tell you, I was thinking, man, you've entered the realm of the lightweight. This hydroponic weed has passed you. It has passed your weight. Used to be a medium weight. Now you're lightweight flyweight. 110 pounder. I smoked this weed. I couldn't believe it. I was freaking out. Thinking way too much. And I thought, no, no booze. That's my problem.

3:47 Adam That's your answer.

3:49 Drew Yeah, this weed. I mean, it's all right. But I'll tell you, it's too potent now. Kyle?

3:54 Hey.

3:55 Drew You're 13?

3:56 Caller Yeah.

3:56 Drew What's up?

3:57 Caller Well, I got a 17 year old girlfriend who lives in South Carolina and I'm up in Chicago.

4:03 Drew How'd you meet her?

4:04 Caller Well, I go to my dad's house in the summer.

4:06 Adam Camp.

4:07 Caller And because my parents are divorced and he was down there and she was going out with this really jerk, this real jerk. He was like, he just treated her wrong. He was cheating on her all the time.

4:16 Drew And did she know you're 13?

4:18 Caller Yeah.

4:19 I usually go out with older girls.

4:21 Drew And there's something severely wrong with her. There's no 17. If you ever met a 17 year old girl who would go out with a 13 year old dude.

4:29 Adam I've never met a 17 year old girl who would go out with a 19 year old.

4:33 Caller Well, seriously, but like, I know it's strange, but if you were in my shoes, you'd probably understand it.

4:40 Drew Yeah. All right.

4:42 Caller Well, yeah.

4:42 Adam But what's the question? What's the problem?

4:44 Caller Well, I'm just wondering, because I mean, last time I saw her, it was like last summer. And, you know, we talk on the phone, we write letters back and forth and stuff. And I'm just worried if she's going to, because she said she's been friends with this guy that she broke up with before. She said that she's been a friend now and everything. They're cool. And I'm just wondering if there's any way I could tell, because she hasn't been calling me as much lately.

5:07 Adam She's got to get a boyfriend. She's been, it's been almost nine months.

5:10 Drew 17 year old woman, I will say, because you're 13.

5:15 Caller Yeah.

5:16 Drew I mean, she's in what grade?

5:18 Caller I think she's a junior.

5:20 Adam Yeah. Don't be, you got to be realistic about this.

5:22 Drew And you're, you're what, in the seventh or eighth grade?

5:24 Caller Yeah.

5:25 Drew All right. That's, that's, you're way over your head.

5:28 Caller I know, I know, but.

5:29 Drew Right. Listen, Kyle, believe me, she is going to turn your world upside down.

5:34 Caller Oh, sure.

5:35 Drew She's a million miles away. She's four years older than you are. This is not going to work.

5:41 Caller Yeah.

5:42 Drew I know you want it to work. I know it feels real important, but Drew, what are the chances of this thing working out?

5:48 Adam None and none.

5:50 Drew Okay.

5:51 Adam Not unless she's severely impaired in some way.

5:54 Caller No, she's not.

5:55 Drew Yeah. Well, you have two choices. Either there's something horribly effed up about her or it's not going to work.

6:03 Adam Right.

6:04 Drew Which is it going to be?

6:05 Caller Probably not going to work.

6:06 Adam Yeah.

6:06 Drew Okay. She hasn't called you in a little while.

6:09 Caller Yeah.

6:09 Drew And she's way too far away.

6:11 Adam Yeah. Even if you were the same age at that distance, you would expect this to sort of fall apart.

6:15 Drew Just find somebody your own age in your own region.

6:19 Caller Well, I've always tried to find girls that are my age, but they just don't.

6:23 Adam Well, just at least within the greater Chicago area, Kyle. Right?

6:26 Drew Yeah. Find a nice 15-year-old who lives somewhere in Chicago.

6:31 Adam Same time zone, at least, huh?

6:33 Drew Right.

6:34 Adam In 13, I couldn't deal with three blocks away. How are you going to deal with a thousand miles away?

6:39 Drew Listen, at 13, you can't hang with a different school.

6:43 Adam No.

6:43 Drew Another school could be three blocks down the street. It wouldn't work.

6:47 Adam Might as well be on Jupiter.

6:48 Drew Right. All right. Let's talk to Angie who's 17. Angie?

6:53 Caller Hello.

6:53 Hey.

6:55 I got a question for Dr. Drew.

6:56 Yeah.

6:58 Caller Every time I get my period, I have like a lot of blood clots.

7:01 Adam That's okay.

7:01 Caller Is that normal?

7:02 Adam Yeah, can be. Do you take iron?

7:04 Caller No.

7:04 Adam Make sure you take some iron supplements just to make sure you don't lose too much blood.

7:07 Drew What do you mean blood clots?

7:09 Caller Just blood clots.

7:10 Adam How many tampons? Do you use tampons? Yeah. How many do you go through in a day? On a heavy day?

7:15 I don't know.

7:16 Caller I don't keep track.

7:17 Drew Yes, you do.

7:18 Adam Four, eight, twenty?

7:20 I don't know.

7:20 Caller I change it every couple of hours.

7:22 Adam So like probably six or seven a day?

7:25 Yeah.

7:25 Adam That's fine. And you don't soak through them?

7:27 No.

7:28 Adam Okay.

7:28 Drew But Drew, what do you mean a blood? What is a blood clot?

7:31 Adam That's the uterine lining coming out.

7:34 Drew Meaning they're not only a flow of blood, but clots are formed. Little icebergs of blood?

7:40 Adam No, not so little.

7:41 Drew Big?

7:42 Adam Yeah.

7:42 Drew How big are these clots of blood?

7:44 I don't know. I don't.

7:46 Caller All right. All right.

7:47 Drew See you Angie. Okay. Thanks. Miss incredible detail. How many? I don't know. How big are they? I don't know.

7:55 Adam But the I don't know is why are you asking me?

7:59 Drew Here's the deal everybody. Remember it's your vagina and things are coming out of your vagina and you're calling this show about the things that are coming out of your vagina. So when I ask you what is coming out of your vagina, only you would know. And you should know. James?

8:19 Caller Yo, what's up?

8:20 Drew You're 18?

8:21 Caller Yeah.

8:21 Drew What's happening?

8:22 Caller Um, okay. I've been going to school for three months and she's been saying she's with me the entire time. But, um, just like yesterday, I have her friends and like, and actually she's going to come back after I asked her, say that she's been going out with my cousin and that's been for seven months. And I don't know what to do. I'm kind of stuck in the middle of this bad situation.

8:40 Drew What happened there, Drew?

8:41 Caller Yeah.

8:41 Drew Is this white guy who sounds black guy or is this black guy who sounds black guy?

8:47 Caller I'm white. I don't try to sound black, but.

8:49 Drew Right. But you got a little of that vibe going. So you have a girlfriend who's doing what?

8:54 Caller OK, well, she said she would be like alone like the entire time for three months. But like all of a sudden I find out she's been with my cousin.

9:01 Adam Your cousin.

9:01 Caller Yeah.

9:02 Drew Having sex with your cousin.

9:03 Caller Yeah.

9:04 Adam How did you find this out?

9:05 Caller Well, kind of like her friends and to me, then I brought it up with her and she said, Yeah, that's exactly what happened.

9:10 Adam You brought this up. What did she say?

9:12 Caller What?

9:12 Adam When I was when you brought this up, exactly what did she say?

9:15 Caller She's like, she kind of didn't want to admit at the beginning, but later on kind of like, Oh yeah, but it's not really that big of a deal.

9:24 Adam Did you ask more questions about it?

9:26 Caller Not really. I didn't want to make it too much pressure on her.

9:28 Drew Okay. Well, she's not your girlfriend anymore, right?

9:33 Caller Not really.

9:34 Drew Well, how come you weren't with her for three months?

9:36 Caller What do you mean?

9:39 Drew You said you have a girlfriend. She said she was alone for three months, but she was with your cousin.

9:44 Caller No, no. She said that she was with me only.

9:47 Adam For seven months.

9:48 Caller No, she's been with me for three months, and she was saying she was only mine, all mine.

9:52 Adam For those three months?

9:53 Caller Yeah.

9:54 Adam And how long has she been seeing your cousin?

9:55 Caller Seven.

9:56 Caller And I just found out yesterday.

9:58 Adam So longer than she's been seeing you. Yeah.

10:00 Drew So she saw your cousin for four months and then started seeing you.

10:04 Caller That's right.

10:04 Drew So really, your cousin should be pissed off.

10:07 Caller Yeah, but that's why I don't want to get mad, and I don't know what to do.

10:10 Adam Well, you don't want to get him mad.

10:12 Caller Well, I mean, I don't know. I know it's going to get mad anyway, but I don't know what to do.

10:15 Drew Well, it's not your fault.

10:16 Caller I didn't even know.

10:17 Drew You didn't know.

10:18 Caller All right.

10:18 Drew Well, this girl shouldn't be with you or your cousin or anybody. She's trouble.

10:24 Caller Try to say what I'm doing right now and like not to tell him or what. Tell him or what? I don't know what to do.

10:28 Drew OK. Here's what you do. Disassociate yourself from this girl and do not tell your cousin and hope it all goes away. Yeah, this guy had a this guy was funny, James, because he had a weird cadence in a weird texture to his voice. And the human ear could not understand.

10:49 Adam He couldn't detect it.

10:51 Drew He was like he was one of these guys who would exiles. Yeah, her girlfriend was seven months because of the four months for me as she came along.

10:59 Adam It's not fast enough.

10:59 Drew She hasn't told me that. But she said seven months.

11:03 Adam There you go.

11:04 Drew And you're like, what? Your cousin?

11:06 Adam That and I was so confused. When I get confused like that, I don't believe the call. Because it's like, why are you calling? What's going on here? You don't even seem to know what's going on. Then I immediately go, well, they're making it up. That's sort of my... But he might have been on. Yeah.

11:20 Drew All right. Well, listen, if she's seen his cousin.

11:23 Adam Yeah. Get away.

11:24 Drew She's trouble. Get away. And here's the next thing, everybody. You don't have to have any big blowout with anybody. It's like a job that you never quit. You just, you don't show up and yell at your boss. You just don't show up. You don't come in and then your boss, here's what happens, Drew, let's say there's a job and it's some crappy job and your boss is mistreating you and you want to quit. Do you have to drive into work and quit?

11:50 Adam I think it's the best idea.

11:52 Drew Okay, but if you didn't show up...

11:55 Adam You accomplish the same thing.

11:56 Drew If your boss was really screwing you and you found out he was doing something pretty bad, don't show up. He may call once or twice, don't answer the phone and it's done.

12:05 Adam If he was an egregious, awful person, he deserves that kind of thing. But generally, you want to be respectful and close.

12:11 Drew She deserves this one. Kyle?

12:13 Yeah.

12:14 Drew You're 14?

12:14 Caller Yeah.

12:15 Drew Kyle the girl?

12:19 Caller Yeah. I have this question.

12:21 Drew Girl Kyle or boy Kyle?

12:22 Caller Boy. Boy Kyle.

12:23 Drew All right, boy Kyle.

12:25 Adam What's up?

12:25 Caller Yeah. I'm going on this school field trip for my science club. And the girl that I'm going out with, she's coming too. And some of my friends have been like, pressuring me kind of, and like kind of bugging me about this, that we're sharing the same bunk house and she's on the bottom bunk and I'm in the top bunk, that just like some time or another that I should just go forward and try to make out with her. And I just want to know if that'd be a good idea or not.

12:53 Drew Kyle's a virgin by the way.

12:55 Adam No kidding.

12:56 Drew We talked to many 14 year old guys who aren't virgins. Kyle is a virgin. I can tell by his voice.

13:02 Adam Pre-pupil virgin.

13:03 Drew Do you have any hair down there, Kyle?

13:06 Adam Yeah.

13:06 Drew You do?

13:07 Caller Yeah.

13:07 Drew How many?

13:09 Caller I don't have a count or anything, but.

13:11 Drew More than 10?

13:12 Caller Yeah.

13:12 Drew Okay. Put them on the phone.

13:15 Adam All right, Kyle. I think you...

13:17 Drew Wait a minute. What kind of field trip is this with your science class where you're staying in the same bunk house?

13:24 Caller We're going to a ranch out west. Holy Christ. Down in west Texas.

13:32 Drew In a town called El Paso?

13:35 Caller No, it's...

13:35 Drew You fell in love with a Mexican girl?

13:37 Caller No, it's pretty far out from El Paso. It's out by Marfa.

13:41 Drew I see. Are we allowed to say Marfa on the air? And how is it that you're bunking with a female classmate?

13:50 Caller Well, all the chaplones are in one bunk house and all of the other kids are in one bunk house.

13:56 Adam So all the kids are in one bunk house?

13:57 Caller Yeah.

13:58 Adam I see. Well, listen. Here's the deal. He's not going to climb into the sack with her. But maybe out of the moonlight, just take a long walk. It's appropriate to try to kiss her.

14:08 Caller Okay.

14:09 Adam Okay.

14:09 Drew Put a little smooch on her.

14:10 Adam But leave it at that.

14:11 Drew But you said she was your girlfriend.

14:13 Caller Yeah.

14:13 Adam Yeah. Well, that's what she's going to be expecting that, I think.

14:16 Drew Have you not smooched your own girlfriend? And if not, how do you know she's your girlfriend?

14:20 Caller See, but the harder thing is she's like a foot taller than I am.

14:23 Drew Ooh.

14:24 Caller And this is like earlier on in the year, she went out with my brother.

14:30 Drew Oh. Plot Dickens. How old's your brother?

14:34 Caller He's 12.

14:37 Drew Oh, wait. You're 14.

14:38 Adam How old is she?

14:39 Caller She's 14.

14:40 Drew She's 14. And what about your brother? What did he get off her?

14:45 Caller Pretty much nothing.

14:47 Drew I see. Well, that's his ramp anyway.

14:49 Adam No, I think. She's how old again?

14:51 Drew 14.

14:52 Adam Yeah, I think she's in the fourth grade.

14:53 Drew Are you guys in the ninth grade?

14:56 Caller No, we're in seventh grade.

14:58 Adam Seventh grade, 14?

15:00 Caller Yeah.

15:01 Drew Held back a couple of years?

15:02 Caller No. We both started school late.

15:05 Adam They went to Europe, Adam. They traveled through Europe for a year with their family.

15:08 Caller No, we both moved out of state.

15:10 Drew I see.

15:11 Caller To Texas, so they made a start school a year late.

15:13 Drew Okay. All right. Well, she'll expect you to give her a little smoochy smoochy. You do that.

15:21 Adam Don't be afraid, because she'll be expecting it.

15:23 Caller Okay.

15:23 Drew How long are you going to be out with your science class?

15:27 Caller We'll leave in this Friday, and we're coming back Sunday or Monday.

15:31 Adam I want you to get Kyle's phone number. We're going to follow up with him on this.

15:35 Drew Find out what Kyle's score.

15:37 Adam Yeah.

15:37 Drew Kyle's score. All right, Kyle. Is this a public school you're going to? Yeah. Okay. Good times, buddy.

15:44 Adam Do you remember that stuff? How intense and how ridiculous?

15:49 Drew Listen, I planted, I plotted my moves with women like Patton, like Montgomery.

15:56 Adam Oh, yeah. War with the figures and the furniture.

16:00 Drew Oh, my God. If I'd only learned the technique of get loaded and strong arm them like I do now, you know, all the thinking you did before you did anything back then.

16:13 Adam And then what'd you do in the long run anyway?

16:15 Drew Nothing.

16:15 Adam Nothing.

16:16 Drew Nothing. And you float it with all your buddies.

16:21 Adam Well, Kyle's calling us floating it.

16:23 Drew Oh, my God. What do you think?

16:24 Adam What do you think? Are we the same bunk?

16:26 Drew I had to analyze. I should have just worked for the FBI. I had to sift through and analyze every piece of data.

16:34 Adam Oh, yeah.

16:35 Drew She told me to come over after school. What does that mean?

16:38 Adam She was seen moving from left to right across the classroom. Yeah, with a slight stutter step, mid-class.

16:44 Drew Oh, holy Christ.

16:46 Adam Oh, my God.

16:47 Drew What is this guy doing? I told her I went on one goddamn field trip. No, two in my whole scholastic career. I went to the L'ari Seasoning Plant in Eagle Rock.

16:59 Adam Good times.

17:00 Drew What the hell were these teachers thinking?

17:04 Adam They were thinking, we get the day off for the kids out.

17:05 Drew Taking fifth graders to the L'ari Seasoning Plant.

17:09 Adam Oh, boy.

17:11 Drew Yes, even Huel Hauser vetoed the L'ari Seasoning Plant. Not interesting enough for even Huel. I could not believe I was going through a place that made taco seasoning. I'd like to sue the school that took me there. You know what the second and only field trip was? Was Alvarez Street. It's good. Yeah, that's great. It's great. You want to go to Alvarez Street? Go outside. You live in Los Angeles? It's all Alvarez Street. Now, a bunch of guys selling those bad bandito marionettes.

17:49 Adam Bullwhips in those days.

17:50 Drew Bullwhips and... Disaster. Yeah. Do they still, do Mexicans still sell bullwhips?

17:58 Adam I don't know, because remember they, for a while you get them in this country and then...

18:01 Drew Yeah...

18:01 Adam .then you had to go, you had to go to Tijuana to get it.

18:03 Drew Yeah. Bullwhips used to be a big item. Tina? Hey, you whipped everything but bulls with those things. I whipped my sister, I whipped my friends.

18:11 Adam Pena? Call her goes by Pena?

18:15 Drew Who's 16 and masturbates every night till she falls asleep?

18:20 Caller Hello?

18:21 Adam Yeah.

18:24 Caller If I can, how you can tell like if you're addicted to masturbating because I do it at least three to five times every day after school and I have to do it to fall asleep. Yeah.

18:36 Adam You're getting up there. Were you sexually abused? No. Any sort of physical trauma or anything like that? Any heavy things happened to you when you're growing up?

18:45 Caller No. No, I swear.

18:47 Drew You say three to five times after school?

18:49 Caller Yeah, like in the evening.

18:51 Drew And then once more before you go to sleep?

18:54 Caller Yeah. And every time I start, I won't stop until I orgasm.

18:58 Drew Well, I got the same policy.

19:01 Adam Women don't all have that policy.

19:02 Drew Oh, they don't? Women can masturbate and not finish?

19:05 Adam Yeah. It's like a hassle to finish. Oh, yeah.

19:08 Drew I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

19:15 Adam Without an earthquake. By the way, speaking of earthquake, did you hear the spatial re-enter today?

19:19 Drew No, I didn't hear the sonic boom.

19:20 Caller Oh, really?

19:21 Adam It was huge in Pasadena. I thought it was an earthquake.

19:24 Drew Tina?

19:25 Caller Yes.

19:27 Drew What do you use? What's your technique?

19:29 Caller Fingers.

19:30 Drew Fingers.

19:31 Caller All right.

19:31 Drew Do you have a boyfriend?

19:33 Caller No.

19:34 Drew Would you like a boyfriend?

19:36 Caller No.

19:37 Drew How come?

19:40 Caller Too much commitment.

19:42 Drew Really?

19:43 Caller Yeah.

19:44 Drew You're 16. Aren't all 16 year old girls supposed to have crushes on guys?

19:49 Caller Never crush. Doesn't mean I want one single boyfriend.

19:53 Adam Smart, smart girl.

19:54 Drew I don't know. The fact that she excessively masturbates and is scared of commitment. It's 16 smacks of something.

20:02 Adam Are your parents together?

20:03 Caller No.

20:04 Adam Is alcoholism in your family?

20:06 Caller No.

20:06 Drew Where's your dad?

20:07 Caller I live with him.

20:08 Adam Where's your mom?

20:11 Caller I live with my mom all through my childhood, but I haven't lived with her for over a year. Why? After I became a teenager, things became really bad. Our relationship became really bad and things didn't work out living with her.

20:29 Drew Stepdad?

20:31 Caller No.

20:32 Drew Stepmom? No. So just you and dad?

20:36 Caller Yeah.

20:37 Drew Brothers and sisters?

20:39 Caller They're gone.

20:41 Drew I see.

20:41 Adam Out of the house?

20:42 Caller Yeah.

20:42 Adam Yeah.

20:43 Drew And how's dad treating you?

20:45 Caller Very well.

20:46 Adam Nobody manhandles you or gives you discipline, physical discipline?

20:49 Caller No.

20:50 Adam Okay.

20:51 Drew All right.

20:51 Caller Well. Dr. Drew?

20:53 Adam Yeah.

20:54 Caller My friend Claire and I absolutely love you.

20:56 Adam Thank you, Tina. I think they've been screening these calls out for the last few months.

21:00 Drew The I Love Drew calls?

21:01 Adam Yeah.

21:02 Drew You just don't hear them when they say it. That's all. All right. So she masturbates. She loves her dad. Everything's fine.

21:09 Adam She likes me. What's wrong with that?

21:10 Drew Loves Drew. She's obviously adjusted.

21:12 Adam Yeah.

21:13 Drew All right. So certain women and certain people do it more than others.

21:18 Adam By the way, I have a feeling that she's calling three orgasms, three masturbatory sessions. You know what I mean?

21:23 Drew You think so?

21:24 Adam Yeah. That's my sense.

21:25 Drew Tina?

21:26 Caller Yeah.

21:27 Drew How many times do you actually sit down or lie down and masturbate different times?

21:32 Adam Yeah.

21:32 Caller How many times?

21:34 Adam Oh, no. How many times? Oh, once you know it.

21:38 Drew Yell a number out, Dana. What were we, a tenth of a second away from getting an answer? Certainly not a full half second, were we?

21:51 Adam No. Well, she said f**k times.

21:54 Drew Yeah, then came back with that.

21:56 Adam Tried again.

21:57 Drew Celine?

21:59 Adam Yeah.

21:59 Drew You're 24?

22:00 Caller Hi, it's not Celine, it's Cillian.

22:03 Adam Cillian, okay.

22:04 Caller No, Celine. Whatever. Anyway.

22:08 Drew Just take an American name, please. Please stop torturing.

22:11 Caller Yeah, not American.

22:12 Drew Stop torturing all of us.

22:14 Adam What's up?

22:15 Caller Hey, first of all, I just want to tell you guys that I really miss those collars with the guy with the donkey and all that stuff. Remember it was a while ago and he was calling from Texas? No, no. I don't care to get those collars anymore.

22:28 Caller I didn't mean to get rude with the ma'am.

22:30 Adam No, there he is.

22:31 Drew Guys having sex with this goat.

22:33 Adam Goat. It was a goat. It was a goat, not a donkey.

22:35 Caller Oh, was it a goat? Okay.

22:36 Drew Yeah. Well, we'll get him back. Anyone who's currently effing one of the pats, give us a call.

22:42 Caller Yeah.

22:43 Drew Go ahead.

22:44 Caller Anyway, I was calling because I'm in a real serious relationship. I've been going on for five years and we're thinking about getting married and all that stuff. But the problem is our sex life. It's going down the tube.

23:01 Adam Why?

23:03 Caller Well, I've been on the pill and the depot shot and I finally decided I didn't want to do that anymore. I wasn't, I mean, I was gaining weight, you know, all the...

23:15 Adam Was that shutting you down sexually too?

23:17 Caller And yeah.

23:18 Adam Yeah.

23:18 Caller And I just got off it for about, I don't know, three months. And it's still, I'm not getting the sex drive, anything. I mean, it's, you know, when that part of your relationship isn't working, the whole relationship starts.

23:33 Adam But you're convinced it's not working because of the biology?

23:37 Caller Well, I mean, I'm trying to analyze it the other way, too.

23:43 Adam What else is going on?

23:45 Caller Well, a lot of things. I mean, financially we're starting to get into some troubles, but I can't see that being the part that, you know, it's really shaken up our relationship.

23:58 Adam Are you depressed?

24:01 Caller No. I mean, I'm starting a new career.

24:04 Just got done with school.

24:06 Caller No.

24:06 Adam Have you talked to a gynecologist about the hormone situation?

24:09 Caller Yes, I have. She basically said that in a few weeks or a few or a month, that basically I'm going to be starting to feel normal again.

24:22 Drew Do you think maybe you're not in love with your boyfriend anymore?

24:26 Caller That's what I was going to ask you. Once you start thinking about marriage, it's scary. I can't see why I'm not. I mean, I really feel like this is a soulmate, not just, I mean, we're really good friends too and everything.

24:41 Drew Yeah, but the vagina has spoken.

24:43 Adam No, I think the vagina has been influenced.

24:45 Drew Hold on, let me talk to Drew.

24:46 Adam It's hormonally under the influence.

24:47 Drew All right, but she's questioning that.

24:50 Adam Yeah, but she's cleaning up, but women do that. They take inventories, they blame themselves. Listen, women are antidepressants when they shut down sexually. They come in and they come in three months down the road and go, you know, I've been worrying about the relationship, wondering if I should leave my husband, wondering about changing my job, worrying if it was the kids, changing this, changing that. And then I realized, oh, maybe it's the medication. And then they come in. They do that. And I get the sense. Here's the thing. Here's my thinking.

25:14 Drew Been with the guy for five years since she was 19, getting to the point where they're going to get married as soda oats, as they say.

25:21 Adam She didn't say that, did she?

25:23 Drew No, that's what I said. Let me ask her.

25:25 Adam You're thinking like the guy's head right now.

25:27 Drew Cillian.

25:30 Adam Cillian.

25:30 Drew That's not Cillian, it's like Cillian or something.

25:32 Caller No, it's Cillian.

25:34 Adam She's got to say it the way she says it.

25:35 Drew That's what I said, crap ball. Please. Everybody.

25:39 Caller All right, what was the question?

25:42 Drew Have you been with other guys?

25:43 Caller Oh, yeah.

25:45 Drew You feel like you're done with other guys?

25:48 Caller Well, now that I've seen this one doctor, because I do a lot of referrals for, I mean, I get referrals from doctors. And there's this real hot doctor, and I'm sorry. But, no, I mean, I just, I'm attracted to other people, but I don't think I want to be with anybody else. I mean, I've really been focused really on this relationship.

26:09 Drew Yeah, right.

26:12 Adam But anyway, I would, A, say it takes up to six months many times to restore libido. If that doesn't do it in six months, you might try a different set of pills and try something like a triphasic pill or something. They might be more likely to restore libido. If all that doesn't work, then sort of fall back. The relationship's got trouble. We're going to break.

26:33 Drew See, there's a little sprinkling of what I was talking about in there.

26:37 Adam Yeah.

26:38 Drew Cute doctor thinking about you. Yeah. Passionate woman.

26:42 Adam He seemed to get her juices going.

26:44 Drew We're going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we're going to instruct Jack. He wants to know how to ask a girl to give him a BJ. All right. We'll get to that after this.

26:58 Caller Hello. What is this?

26:59 Caller Ah, this is Loveline.

27:00 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline will be right back.

27:04 Caller Loveline on 94.7 NRK is brought to you by Car Toys.

27:25 Drew Loveline. Yep, love that riff. Dr. Drew over there. I'm Adam Corolla, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Let's get back and help the kiddies, Drew. Jack?

27:40 Caller Hey.

27:41 Drew Hey.

27:42 Caller I was wondering if you could give me some tips on how I could suggest to my girlfriend that we try R-F-X without actually asking her.

27:48 Do you want a blowjob or do you want a girlfriend?

27:51 Drew Who said that? Oh, Caprice. She's a very hot, hot, hot commodity in Hollywood these days, isn't she? She's really a household name, that Caprice crazy bitch on the show a year ago. Kiss my ass.

28:07 Adam Who's her thing then?

28:08 Oh, Caprice.

28:09 Drew Caprice is this blonde who was this big European superstar, which I never believe, by the way. And then she came on this show and she was going to be on Playboy, and I asked her if she could do something for the Man Show, and she said, Oh, yeah. And then I called her publicist like 30 times, and she wouldn't call me back, and she copped this serious star attitude. And I said, De Anderson, you will not know who Caprice is two months from now, and she is gone. Gone, daddy, gone.

28:36 This guy is sick.

28:37 Drew She is way gone, isn't she? Good.

28:40 Adam I believe you said three months, and you were right on target.

28:43 Drew Gone and good. Jack, do you know who Caprice is?

28:46 Caller Oh, I don't.

28:47 Drew That's right, you don't. Very good answer. So, what are you doing with your girlfriend currently, physically?

28:55 Caller I'm basically making out and stuff.

28:58 Drew And has she ever gotten near your unit at all?

29:02 Caller Yeah, she has. We're like holding hands like in her friend's car, and she like kind of like moved her arm around there.

29:08 Adam How old is she?

29:09 Caller 16.

29:10 Adam Yeah, don't rush the blowjob thing. Maybe just maybe a hand is your first order of business.

29:15 Drew How long have you been with her?

29:16 Caller Like two weeks.

29:17 Adam Two weeks?

29:18 Drew Yeah, give her a little time. Even though your name is Jack, you should still give her a little time.

29:22 Caller All right.

29:24 Drew All right. And, you know, just move along. And the best way to get stuff off of women is to do it to them first. I want to pull that penis out and blow away. Right, Drew?

29:37 Adam That's what you normally do.

29:38 Drew You want to get a BJ from a woman, you should go down on her first. That sort of is a way of sort of setting the tone.

29:50 Adam Yeah, that's, you know, given that you're so chivalrous and indeed just pointing out that chivalry indeed is not dead. Right. In fact, that's not the way it goes, though.

29:58 Drew It isn't?

29:58 Adam No.

29:59 Drew How does it go? That's what you're saying. You should force them to blow it?

30:02 Adam No.

30:02 Drew I agree with you, Drew. You're right. Why bother going down?

30:05 Adam A lot of them complain they never, the guys never do that ever.

30:08 Drew Heather? Heather? Caller goes by the name of Heather who's 15? No. I had a couple of those tonight. Amy?

30:19 Hello?

30:19 Drew You're 17?

30:20 Caller Yeah.

30:21 Drew What's up?

30:22 Caller I'm having this problem with guys. See, I'm straight up forward with them. I don't want to get lied to.

30:28 Drew Who broke your heart, baby? What happened? Where's daddy?

30:33 Caller Biological father?

30:34 Caller Sure.

30:35 Alcoholic somewhere?

30:37 Adam You don't know what happened to him?

30:38 Caller I don't know where he is.

30:40 Adam That's not good, right?

30:43 Caller And, you know, I try to be straight up with these guys.

30:45 Adam And what happened to the subsequent daddies? Did somebody sexually abuse you?

30:51 Caller My ex-two stepbrothers.

30:54 Adam Your two stepbrothers actually abused you?

30:56 Drew I'm sure stepdad was a joy.

30:58 Adam Yeah. Have you had any treatment for this?

31:00 Caller Yeah, I have.

31:01 Caller How did it work?

31:03 Caller I went through about eight years of therapy.

31:07 Caller In between that and my drug addiction.

31:09 Adam What were you addicted to?

31:10 Caller Speed.

31:11 Adam For how long?

31:12 Caller I started when I was 13 and I quit 15 months ago.

31:16 Adam And what are you doing with that, with your recovery? What's happening with that?

31:19 I go to meetings and stuff like that.

31:20 Adam You don't have a sponsor?

31:21 Caller Yeah, I do.

31:22 Adam How far along are you in your steps?

31:25 Caller So far, I've gone to my third step.

31:27 Adam All right, let's move along. It's been 15 months here, all right?

31:30 Caller Yeah.

31:31 Adam Let's get a fourth step in here. And part of that fourth step, by the way, you got to tell your sponsor what you're doing with these guys because this is not going to go over well.

31:37 Drew Hold on. What's a good step pace?

31:40 Adam You should be at your fourth step by six months.

31:42 Drew And when should you be at the twelfth step?

31:45 Adam Different for different people.

31:47 Drew Well, let's say, if someone said they really got to recovery and they've been at it for a year.

31:52 Adam They should be most of the way through.

31:54 Drew They should be.

31:55 Adam Yeah.

31:55 Caller Well, I just moved to a new area, so I just got a new sponsor.

31:58 Adam So you're starting over again? Yeah. Oh, OK. All right. But you got to talk about what you're doing here. You're meeting these guys at meetings? Yeah. All right. Now, that you know is not right, right? Well, here's the deal. You're a sex addict, too, right? Pretty much. Yeah. So this is your disease in full swing. So you've got to talk to your sponsor about what you're doing here. You really do. This is going to lead you back to speed or something. Are you still smoking pot or something?

32:23 Caller No, I smoke cigarettes. That's it.

32:25 Adam Nothing else?

32:26 Caller No, I live on my own. I work all the time.

32:29 Adam That's good. But the sex addiction is part of your addictive disease and you've got to get into that because that's really where the more difficult material is going to have to be worked through.

32:40 Drew Hey Amy.

32:40 Caller Yeah.

32:41 Drew I'm sorry some a-holes forced you to grow up faster than you needed to. But you're where you're at. You know what you're doing. You've been through everything. And now you just got to make good choices. And this ain't one of them.

32:56 Adam Yeah. You're really at a threshold of a full recovery. You're almost there. Get honest about this behavior too.

33:02 Caller Yeah.

33:05 Drew Alright.

33:06 Adam Good luck.

33:07 Drew Alright. Don't be hard on yourself.

33:08 Caller I won't.

33:09 Drew Just don't get in any trouble.

33:11 Caller I try to stay out of trouble.

33:12 Adam Yeah. And realize this business of using sex the way you do it keeps you away from people. Keeps you in control. But in fact the reality is you're powerless and you know that.

33:20 Caller Yeah.

33:20 Drew And don't get pregnant. Oh, no, no, no.

33:23 I take my birth control every day.

33:25 Caller Good.

33:26 Drew Good times.

33:27 Caller Take care.

33:29 Drew Poor people. They call the show and their first statement was, you know, I meet a guy. I'm straight up with him. I tell him what I need. I'm like, oh, hold on. Where's daddy? Pow! Right into addiction. Pow! Right into molestation and abuse. I don't know why or what, but when I hear a 17 year old girl tell me her policy on men sexually and how she's straight up with them and doesn't understand why they went blah, blah, blah.

33:55 Adam No.

33:56 Drew It just, I snap immediately to where's daddy?

33:59 Adam Also, people gotta realize we get a certain feeling from our college. We're just sitting here listening to voices all night long. We get a certain, it evokes something in us and we recognize that when we see it and we feel it.

34:10 Drew But on the other hand, how much can you expect out of a 17 year old? Do you know what I mean? I mean, out on their own, abusive parents, horrible stepbrothers, sexually abusing them, hooked on crank, now sober, in the program, moving from town to town.

34:31 Adam Big stuff.

34:31 Drew Seventeen, for Christ's sake. Drew, what were you doing at 17? You're playing with your chemistry set in the basement of your dad's Pasadena house, right?

34:40 Adam Oh.

34:41 Drew You didn't know what you're.

34:42 Adam No, I was too evolved for me. I was. I was.

34:45 Drew What were you doing? Seriously? Seventeen. Thinking about college.

34:50 Adam Yeah.

34:50 Drew Oh, for sure.

34:51 Adam You study a lot.

34:53 Drew No, no big problems other than the problems that you basically threw in your own land.

34:58 Adam Yeah.

34:59 Drew I mean, not real world problems.

35:00 Adam No, not not, you know, that kind of problem.

35:03 Caller No, no, no.

35:04 Drew Whatever problems you had were sort of manufactured inside the house.

35:07 Adam Yes.

35:09 Drew But they weren't like pay the bills.

35:11 Caller No.

35:11 Drew Going to get the heat shut off.

35:13 Adam No.

35:13 Drew That kind of stuff.

35:14 Adam No way.

35:15 Drew Pimps beating the crap out of you.

35:17 Adam No, they happened later.

35:18 Drew Where the pimp beat on you.

35:20 Adam Yeah.

35:20 Drew Well, let me tell you something, Drew, you turn some tricks and you don't cash them out. You don't you don't you don't cut them in for a taste.

35:27 Adam I did, man.

35:28 Drew Yeah. But you are light. I mean, you are real light.

35:32 Adam I gave him everything. No, you and he gave me clothing and a place to live.

35:39 Drew Corey. You're 13.

35:42 Caller Yeah.

35:43 Drew What's up?

35:44 Caller My question is for Dr. Drew.

35:45 Caller Yeah, Corey.

35:46 Caller When I was young, I was diagnosed with bipolar.

35:49 Adam You're young now. How young were you? How long ago was that?

35:53 Caller I don't remember.

35:54 Caller I can't really remember much of my childhood and now I'm getting depressed and my mom was thinking about putting me on Zyprexa.

36:03 Adam If you really have bipolarity, it's a very delicate chemistry and it's going to go off and it needs to be treated. It does not get better by itself.

36:14 Caller It doesn't.

36:15 Adam No, you really need some help with that. That's in fact the diagnosis. So that would be a good idea.

36:20 Drew How's your life going?

36:21 Caller That's all right.

36:23 Drew What's good about it?

36:26 Caller I'm just thankful I have a family.

36:29 Drew What?

36:29 Adam Thankfully. What makes you say it like that? Just thankfully as a family. Was there a time when you didn't have a family?

36:36 Well, there was a time I didn't have a dad.

36:39 Caller What happened?

36:40 He died.

36:41 Caller Ooh, how old were you?

36:43 Nine.

36:43 Adam And you don't remember any of that?

36:45 Caller I remember it.

36:46 Adam You do remember it?

36:47 Yeah.

36:47 Adam What did he die from?

36:48 Caller Overdose.

36:50 Adam He was an addict?

36:51 Yeah.

36:51 Caller Oh boy.

36:52 Drew You're a genius, Drew. Yep, bad times, brother. All right. Are you doing anything now that turns you on?

37:00 Caller I'm biking.

37:01 Caller Yeah.

37:01 Drew What kind of biking?

37:03 Caller BMX.

37:03 Caller All right.

37:04 Drew You enjoy that?

37:05 Caller Yeah.

37:05 Drew You're good at it?

37:06 Caller I'm all right. All right.

37:07 Adam Aren't you going to start to take the pegs off the...

37:10 Drew Hey, yeah.

37:12 Caller Yeah.

37:13 Drew You race those BMX bikes?

37:15 Caller I'm about to.

37:16 Drew I see. Yeah, I used to do that myself, you know.

37:19 Caller Really?

37:19 Drew Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I was one of the better riders in the novice division. I had myself a number plate, drilled it out for wind resistance, you know, do all the tricks. You don't have those buddy pegs on the back of your bike, do you?

37:35 No, I took them off.

37:37 Drew You took those off?

37:38 Yeah.

37:38 Drew Good, because that'll go right up your ass when you crash. Do you hear me?

37:41 Yep.

37:42 Drew All right, buddy.

37:43 Caller Oh, madam?

37:44 Drew Yeah?

37:45 Caller I like the man, Joe.

37:46 Drew Thank you, buddy. All right, Corey, take care of yourself.

37:49 Adam It won't replace the antidepressants, unfortunately.

37:51 Drew No, but it's a help and a step in the right direction. Let's take a break. Drew, we're going to pee? Sure. Simultaneously?

37:57 Adam Let's do it.

37:58 Drew After this.

38:03 Caller Um, back in a minute.

38:18 This is the show known as Love Line, with your hosts, Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew!

38:27 Caller Hi, this is David Spade. When I'm driving around listening to the radio, if there's absolutely nothing on any other station, I listen to Love Line with Adam and Drew, because I'm naughty.

38:38 Drew Oh, yeah, he's naughty, all right. We wouldn't have come out with that Joe Dirt if he wasn't naughty. Jeez, how happy is David Spade that Tom Green came out with that flaming turd?

38:52 Adam What? What? What?

38:53 Drew At the right time. Huh?

38:54 Adam What now?

38:55 Drew I said, how happy is David Spade that Tom Green's movie bombed horribly?

39:00 Adam Oh, it did bomb?

39:01 Drew Oh, disaster.

39:02 Adam Tom Green?

39:03 Drew Yeah.

39:04 Caller Really?

39:05 Drew Oh, an abortion.

39:07 Adam Maybe an abortion, but it did well.

39:09 Drew No, no, it did horribly at the box office.

39:11 Caller Oh, really?

39:11 Drew Yeah, it was in 10th place this week. It came out last week. Yeah. Horrible. I'm saying if you're David Spade, you got to be pretty excited how the Tom Green's movie came out a week later in blue.

39:26 Adam Also, how did David's do?

39:28 Drew I think it did better in Tom Green's, but so did everything.

39:33 Adam Really? I thought it did okay to start out with.

39:35 Drew Why did you think? Because you saw a lot of commercials.

39:38 Adam I just was on the web a few minutes ago, a lot of talk in the AOL and what not.

39:41 Drew I think it came in fourth. It was beat by Crocodile Dundee. Goes number two. And then it came in tenth this week.

39:52 Caller Hey, real quick, in all fairness to Tom, apparently it was R-rated, so all the 15-year-old kids that went to see it, they bought tickets for the Crocodile Dundee movie and snuck into his movie.

40:02 Drew I did hear that too, but it's still number 10 this week.

40:06 Adam Would you feel bad if you got to show a movie that hit fourth box office over a weekend even?

40:11 Drew Well, sort of, depending on when it came out and how much hype and advertising there was in front of it and then what it did the next week, do you know what I mean? Like these days, they hype the crap out of these movies. They come in first one week and then they fall off.

40:28 Adam Right.

40:29 Drew So coming in fourth and then coming in 10th, it's not a good sign. All right, Drew, you want to defend them anymore?

40:37 Adam No, I'm just curious. I'm not that tuned in to really understand these things.

40:40 Drew No, you're not. David?

40:43 Adam David?

40:43 Drew Yes, you're 41. What's up?

40:45 Caller Hi, I was wanting to... My girlfriend is on the Deprevere Shot.

40:51 Adam Yeah.

40:52 Caller Does that cause weight gain? I thought I might have heard another...

40:55 Adam Yeah, sometimes. Not usually, though.

40:57 Caller Not usually okay. And then I'd be willing, with my girlfriend, to have a vasectomy. I was curious about what... how much pain or...

41:08 Drew Well, we've all had our nuts cut in to before, haven't we?

41:12 Adam That's with teeth, though.

41:14 Drew Oh, I see.

41:15 Adam No, it's usually not bad. It's usually a night or two of not walking around too much and having an ice bag on your crotch.

41:22 Drew Yeah.

41:22 Adam And two weeks later, you get the most intense orgasm of your life, I understand.

41:27 Drew That's what they say.

41:28 Caller Everything works normally after that?

41:32 Adam No, extra-normally.

41:33 Caller Extra-normally, whom? Yeah.

41:35 Drew Do you have kids, David?

41:37 Caller Yeah, I've got three and I'm too old for any more.

41:41 Adam No, go get it taken care of.

41:42 Caller I appreciate it.

41:44 Adam All right.

41:44 Drew Yeah, it's pretty... how expensive is it?

41:47 Adam I don't know, probably about 300 or 500 bucks, something like that.

41:52 Drew Let me clarify something with Tom Green. Tom Green was supposed to do this show and he didn't want to do the show. So I don't care what his movie did. I had nothing against the guy personally, but if someone was supposed to do this show, decide not to do this show, and then their movie stunk up the United States, I don't have a big problem with that. I'm not going to lose any sleep over that. I'd prefer to focus and plug the people that like this show and do this show, all right? All right. Martin?

42:22 Caller Yeah?

42:24 Drew Hello? What's up? You're 17. No, Anderson said it was a publicist, but it's not a publicist. We have the same manager. Drew, me and Tom Green all have the same manager, and he wouldn't do the show. It has nothing to do with the publicist. Our manager, who's his manager, asked him to do it, and then he said, no. So screw him.

42:43 Adam Martin?

42:45 Drew You're 17, what's up?

42:46 Caller What's up? Yeah, the Tom Green movie sucked, big time.

42:49 Drew Oh, did you see it?

42:50 Caller Yeah, I saw it, it sucked. It had no point whatsoever.

42:53 Drew Did you like Tom Green before that?

42:55 Caller Yeah, actually I did, and now I saw the movie, and I think twice about Tom Green.

43:00 Drew Interesting. What's up there, Martin?

43:03 Caller Well, I was just kind of finding out if there was such a thing as a gay fetish. Yeah.

43:08 Adam Homosexuals have that, yeah.

43:09 Caller Right. I don't really consider myself gay, because I've been with girls, and the thing is, whenever I do a master rate to like gay porn, I feel bad afterwards. I'm like, what did I just do?

43:23 Adam Well, but maybe that's why you are not yet fully embracing the idea that you're homosexual, is you have a lot of shame and ambivalence about it.

43:32 Drew Hold on. Let me explain something, Martin. Gay guys can watch gay porn. When straight guys watch gay porn, they should have a visceral violent reaction to it. It should disgust them.

43:46 Adam I mean, in fact, it cuts to your core that it does.

43:50 Drew It does. You show a couple of guys cornholing each other in front of a straight guy and people will be nauseated.

43:59 Adam Here's the more interesting thing is now show the straight guy the porn, now order him to masturbate.

44:05 Drew Impossible.

44:06 Adam No way.

44:06 Drew Impossible.

44:08 Adam You might as well just take a cattle prod.

44:10 Drew It's like, let's be better off with a cattle prod up my rectum and attempt to masturbate than to gay porn.

44:16 Caller Well, it's not like it's like a content thing, like I always want to look at gay porn. It's like every just every once in a while.

44:23 Drew It doesn't matter.

44:24 Adam Well, Adam has a belief that this is Adam's theory, that there's no halfway to now gayville. I do believe that's halfway.

44:34 Drew Let me explain what bye is. Bye is gay with a publicist. You will be gay soon. Well, when you are bye, you're saying bye to heterosexuality and hello to homo.

44:45 Adam He really could be.

44:46 Drew Bye bye.

44:46 Adam He could be half mo.

44:47 Drew Bye straight life. There is a transitionary period where you're bye. That's where you're going from where you thought you were straight to being gay full-time and that's called bye. That little purgatory in there where you haven't really come to grips with the fact that you're gay. Look at all these so-called bye celebrities. Elton John, he's bye.

45:09 Caller But I enjoy being with him and I really, really do.

45:13 Drew Sure, picking out, you know, looking at swatches, picking out furniture, that kind of thing.

45:18 Adam This is a very interesting thing about men is that men need women so badly, even gay men need to be around women all the time. I'm not talking about you, Martin.

45:26 Drew That's you, Martin. You're not gay, you're not gay, you're not gay.

45:29 He's bisexual.

45:31 Caller I don't mean just like being around them, I love having sex with a girl.

45:35 Adam Yeah, Adam, can you accept perhaps that whatever sort of intermediate state Martin is in that somebody could get stuck in that intermediate state, they can't quite make the trip.

45:44 Drew For a while. Eventually you'll be gay.

45:47 Caller The thing is like I've actually come close to being with a guy but like I'm like, whoa, no, no, no, no, no, no.

45:52 Caller What are you doing?

45:54 Drew What do you, in this gay erotica, what are they doing in it?

45:58 Caller Just like.

45:58 Drew Oral sex?

46:00 Caller Not really, just more like anal.

46:04 Drew See, we couldn't even, we couldn't even hear that without bringing up our dinner, could we, Drew? We were both like, oh, oh, oh, oh.

46:15 Adam God, we were pathetic.

46:16 Drew Well, it's true, it's an act against nature.

46:19 Caller I was like, I'm going to have something to do with like my past and like maybe some like.

46:22 Caller What happened? What happened?

46:23 Caller What happened?

46:24 Adam Sexual abuse?

46:26 Caller Yeah, a couple of times.

46:27 Adam How old were you when it first happened?

46:29 Caller I was about six.

46:30 Adam Okay. That's what screws up guys, as Adam would say, compass.

46:35 Drew By guy, right?

46:36 Caller Yeah, actually by both, guy and a girl.

46:39 Drew Maybe this is why he's torn.

46:41 Adam Yeah, this is how you create by. But be that as it may, you need to get some therapy, Martin, and sort of sort out what your sexual identity is. And having been really those kinds of arousing experiences at those delicate ages, trigger biological mechanisms of the brain that then become sexual orientation.

46:59 Drew Listen, he may be by. He's confused.

47:02 Adam Yeah, he's confused.

47:02 Drew That's at least what by is. I know we gotta go break. Danny?

47:06 Hello?

47:06 Drew 14?

47:07 Yeah.

47:07 Drew Girlfriend of one week threatened suicide because you want to break up with her?

47:10 No, I did break up with her. And then she wrote me a poem saying she's gonna kill herself.

47:17 Adam All right, hold on, hold on.

47:18 Drew Okay, well, I don't know what I was thinking. That was way off. How dare you? Way off. All right, we'll take a break. We'll be back with young Danny after this.

47:47 Caller KNRK, Kamas, Portland, at Etercom radio station.

48:12 Drew Hey, love line, I'm Adam, that's Drew. Phone number, 1-800-V-E-1-9-1. What happened to our last caller?

48:22 Adam He dropped off.

48:23 Drew He did?

48:23 Adam After you talked to him, he must have thought that was it, that was your stellar advice.

48:27 Drew And didn't I tell him to hang on?

48:28 Adam Yeah. As usual, the answer is no.

48:32 Drew Charlie?

48:33 Yeah.

48:33 Drew You're 20?

48:34 Caller Yeah, I'm addicted to pot, and I was wondering if I could have the same problems with alcohol.

48:40 Adam Yeah, addiction is addiction. It doesn't matter which drug you're choosing. It all ultimately triggers the same mechanism in the brain, and you can cross from one drug to the next. Most amphetamine addicts actually start out as pot addicts. And the depressions and that kind of stuff you're having now, the alcohol or the speed will correct that for a while, but it will also accelerate your use of those drugs, and those will be the things you'll come to treatment for.

49:01 Caller Okay. And then also, my pot addiction sort of didn't come about the way you describe it.

49:06 Adam Oh, really? Tell me. Tell me.

49:08 Caller Well, I started like freshman in high school, and that was like a weekend thing, and like the first time I got high, I wasn't preoccupied with it.

49:15 Adam No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, not the first time you use, the first time you get high.

49:20 Caller Yeah. Yeah, the first time I got high.

49:22 Adam Okay.

49:23 Caller I wasn't really preoccupied with it.

49:25 Adam Okay.

49:25 Caller And it didn't start until like a couple years later, summer after sophomore year, I really started smoking heavily, and then had like a manic flash psychotic episode that my doctor thinks was triggered from it. And like I got treatment and then like went back to using and got treatment, went back to using, and so now I'm in treatment.

49:47 Adam For marijuana addiction?

49:49 Caller Yeah.

49:49 Drew What do they do when they treat you for marijuana addiction?

49:52 Adam It's the same as other.

49:53 Caller It's just like a lot of basic stuff, like tell you to go to meetings and...

50:00 Drew So are you not smoking now?

50:02 Caller Yeah, I've got like two months and three weeks clean.

50:06 Adam Cool.

50:06 Drew Yeah.

50:06 Caller How do you feel?

50:09 Caller It's not as fun as when I was getting high.

50:12 Drew I'm trying to tell you how much time I have. Oh, I got like 22 hours.

50:18 Adam You know what? I wonder if you're a non-alcoholic.

50:21 Drew I'm going to sue the band Stain, by the way. Oh, he doesn't have any answers for you.

50:24 Adam No, no. You may be a non-alcoholic, marijuana dependent individual. Is there non-alcoholism in your family?

50:30 Caller No, there's my grandfather on my dad's side and my grandmother on my mom's side.

50:35 Adam Alcoholics.

50:36 Caller Yeah, my brother is.

50:37 Drew He doesn't sound like he's got the gene either.

50:39 Adam No, yeah. There's something.

50:41 Drew Because he start and he stopped and he started and he stopped. And it's weed. Most guys get in a heavy denial with weed. It goes on for 20 years before they even think about quitting.

50:49 Adam And it starts pow.

50:51 Drew But he had a psychotic episode that could have hurried his along.

50:54 Adam Yeah, but I'm wondering if maybe he was sort of treating a depression to begin with. That's how marijuana gets going sometimes.

51:01 Drew I see.

51:01 Adam People are trying to deal with the depression. They treat the depression. The desire to use the drug goes away.

51:06 Caller Well, I did have like a lot of issues, like with my mom and stuff. But, yeah.

51:12 Adam Well, I mean, no doubt, 12 Steps will be useful to you. But have you ever had any problem with any other drugs?

51:19 Caller Well, alcohol, like my drinking probably wasn't too healthy. I got a lot of blackouts.

51:24 Adam Well, you're not calling.

51:25 Drew No, no, no. Good times. All right.

51:27 Adam Interesting.

51:28 Drew Here's the good news. You discovered early. You admitted you had a problem early. You're in your 12 Step program. You'll be fine.

51:35 Caller All right. You should have more porn stars and less bands on.

51:39 Drew All right.

51:42 Adam More porn, less bands. Got it?

51:45 Drew Bill?

51:45 Yeah.

51:46 Drew You're 23?

51:47 Caller Yeah.

51:47 Drew What's up?

51:48 Caller Well, my girlfriend and I, we live together. We've been together for three years. I'm trying to get her to initiate some sort of sexual activity. And she wants to, and this has been sort of an ongoing discussion for maybe eight months to a year.

52:06 Adam Hold on a second. You are sexually active?

52:08 Caller Yeah.

52:08 Adam And how does it go now?

52:10 Caller How does the routine go?

52:11 Adam Yeah. What's the routine?

52:13 Caller Well, we both work.

52:16 Adam How does an evening get going when you're going to have sex? How often does it occur? How does it get going?

52:21 Caller Um, usually it is how often. It's probably once to maybe twice a week, maybe. Sometimes it goes three weeks without nothing, without anything going on.

52:32 Adam And how does it get going?

52:33 Caller It usually is in bed. And I will, I will initiate most everything. Touch, a caress.

52:42 Adam Does she respond?

52:44 Caller She does, but not most of the time it's a no.

52:47 Adam It's a no.

52:48 Caller Most of the time.

52:49 Adam Uh-huh.

52:49 Drew And what's the excuse?

52:51 Caller Well, there's, there, you know, it ends up, I'm not in the mood. I'm in the headache, the eternal headache.

52:58 Adam So it's, it's not so much that you want to initiate it's that you don't want to be rejected by her so often.

53:02 Caller Well, yeah.

53:03 Caller You know, if I were, if I, if I were calling because I wasn't getting, getting late enough, that'd be one thing, but she wants to increase her ability to, to initiate as well.

53:14 Adam Yeah. But you may be asking for too tall an order.

53:16 Drew Yeah. You're barely, you're asking that someone holds still so you can mount them. And now you want them to initiate too. Uh, well, listen, okay, Bill, here's the deal. Women, they're, they're receptive.

53:29 Adam Right.

53:30 Drew They don't, most of them, not, some can initiate, but most are just in, but, but that's why they got the, you go into a plumbing store and you'll see the male part in the female part.

53:40 Adam Yeah.

53:41 Drew The female part holds still while the male part plunges into it.

53:44 Adam Right.

53:45 Drew That's it. You can't ask the female part to jump on the male part.

53:48 Adam It doesn't work. To get back to the male bio, female biology, is estrogen is a hormone that, that it contributes to receptivity, to willingness to sort of be receptive to this experience.

53:57 Drew You ever, you ever have your pipe sweated, Drew?

53:59 Adam Sweated?

54:00 Drew Yeah. Sweating.

54:01 Adam No.

54:01 Drew That's nice.

54:02 Adam It's a plumbing thing.

54:03 Caller Yeah.

54:04 Drew Yeah, Bill?

54:05 Caller Yeah.

54:05 Drew Yeah. So what you need her to be is receptive.

54:08 Caller Okay.

54:09 Caller That sounds good. All right.

54:10 Drew And you want to know which is the same as being in the mood for women, really?

54:15 Caller Right.

54:15 Drew And that's all you can ask. So why isn't she being receptive more often? That's the question. And what can we do about them? What does she say?

54:23 Caller Well, she mostly says, I don't know how to initiate.

54:27 Adam No, no, no, no, no, no, Bill. You're missing it.

54:29 Drew Well, drop the word initiate.

54:30 Adam Why isn't she receptive when she says no? What's going on?

54:34 Drew Why is she saying no so often?

54:37 Caller Because she's a stress case.

54:39 Drew Really? She's stressed out?

54:40 Caller She stresses about work and she's a hard time multitasking.

54:45 Adam So she may be depressed, she's anxious.

54:48 Caller Anxious more than depressed.

54:49 Adam You're adding on top of that with a bunch of expectation and for whatever reason the way you're approaching her and the way she perceives your approach is out of line in some way.

54:59 Caller Yeah, or unclear or misplaced.

55:02 Drew All right. So can you do stuff to get her in the mood like, you know, do that bathtub with the rose petal nonsense or something like that?

55:10 Adam You understand that the women's, there's a book called His Needs Her Needs. I might recommend you out there. That women's needs for sort of communication and connection and companionship are the same and the same intensity as a man's needs for sexual contact.

55:25 Drew I wrote a book called My Needs, More of My Needs. Did you read that one, Drew?

55:30 Adam Well, the sequel was My Needs, My Needs.

55:32 Drew My Needs, My Needs and then My Needs, My Needs, More of My Needs and then My Needs, My Needs, More of My Needs 2, which was the fourth book that came out of the series. All right. He's putting too much pressure on her.

55:45 Adam Yes.

55:45 Drew He's got to relax a little bit.

55:47 Adam Women do not deal with that kind of pressure.

55:50 Drew It's always funny to me, the guys, because she's not initiating it. What do you feel like less a man because she's not diving on your Johnson when you walk through the door?

55:58 Adam Men have a fantasy about that, that a lot of men do anyway, that it's just this woman who's got to have her way with him or just so aroused by him that it's so gratifying to have that. But I know, Adam, you're too lazy for that.

56:12 Drew No. My angle is, and listen, if you don't try to escape, you're in.

56:17 Adam Right.

56:17 Drew I just don't want her scrambling.

56:18 Adam Yeah.

56:19 Drew This holds still. You know what I saw at the restaurant tonight, Drew?

56:24 Adam The restaurant?

56:25 Drew Yeah.

56:26 Adam A restaurant?

56:26 Drew Went to a nice restaurant tonight.

56:28 Adam What'd you say?

56:28 Drew Always bothers me. You ever see that dude?

56:31 Adam Sits by himself?

56:32 Drew No. He sits next to his girlfriend on the same side of the booth.

56:37 Adam I've done that to my wife.

56:39 Drew Have you?

56:39 Adam Well, when they have benches. You know what I mean?

56:43 Drew I always find that a little bizarre. A little questionable in the behavior standpoint. Sitting next to him.

56:51 Adam But you don't know if they're always doing that, if they're just mixing it up.

56:53 Drew I think they're always doing that. I like to think they are. I don't trust that dude.

56:57 Adam Always doing it.

56:58 Drew That's a weird dude. I think women would like that. But that's weird. You got a booth and you slide in on the same side with them. What do you got to do? You got to finger them while you're eating? Yeah, but Anderson says you don't have to look at them. And that's the excuse you use, by the way, when you sit on the other side, which is I get to look into your eyes and watch you chew your food. Or cut, as it were. But then that one dude comes in and he sits down next to his girl and then your girlfriend and her wife says, why don't you ever sit next to me in the booth? Look at him. I want to kick that guy in the nuts.

57:38 Adam That's the same guy that's dropping the rose petals. The same guy we don't trust.

57:42 Drew Right. He's the a-hole that's ruining it. Now, meanwhile, this guy's jacking off to elf porn when he gets home and beating the crap out of his wife. But when he goes to the restaurant, he has to sit next to it so we can get critique.

57:57 Adam He's an extortionist by trade.

57:59 Drew Right. This guy does nothing. This guy imports slave labor in from Indonesia, bounces checks, and drives around a fiero that was converted into a Ferrari Testarossa all goddamn day with a fake hairpiece. But in the restaurant, he sits next to his lady and we got to take her. Why can't you be more like him? Really? That what you want? That's the guy who ruins it for other guys. Don't think I'm not on to you, buddy. Danny?

58:36 Adam I'm going to get him to read his needs, your needs, your needs, mine is mine. Danny? What's up?

58:41 Drew You're 14.

58:42 Caller Yeah.

58:43 Drew Alright, so you're the guy who's a girlfriend or who's a girl who you tried to break up with said she was going to kill herself.

58:51 Caller Yeah.

58:52 Drew No, no.

58:53 Adam Wrote a poem.

58:54 Drew Wrote a poem.

58:54 Adam In the poem.

58:55 Drew Yes. Do you have the poem?

58:57 Caller No.

58:58 Drew What did the poem say?

58:59 Caller It was like saying how she cuts herself. Saying like, I slit the blade on my wrist and like blood drips and then like tears come and now all the madness starts and all this stuff.

59:12 Drew Right.

59:12 Adam So she's a cutter, but did she say specifically she wants to kill herself? Not just that she wants to cut, but she wants to kill.

59:19 Caller Yeah.

59:21 Adam She wants to die.

59:22 Caller Yes.

59:22 Drew How old is she?

59:23 Caller She's 14.

59:24 Adam Did you report this to someone?

59:25 Caller Yeah. I told my school, but they're supposed to call her parents.

59:30 Adam I'm sure they will. Okay. That's about all you can do.

59:33 Drew You're done. You're in the clear, buddy.

59:35 Caller Then her friend called me tonight. Then she was talking about how her friend was thinking about it more, my girlfriend. Then when I was getting off the phone with her, her friend was like, she's not the only one that wants to kill herself. Then she hung up really fast.

59:58 Drew Like this other girl wants to kill herself over you too?

1:00:02 Caller I know she likes me too.

1:00:04 Drew Well, I'll tell you that it's a tragedy, but it's got to feel pretty good from an ego standpoint.

1:00:09 Adam Listen, have you told your parents?

1:00:10 Caller Yeah. My mom knows.

1:00:13 Adam Well, then all you can do is report to people who can actually intervene, but this girl needs to be hospitalized and she needs to be hospitalized right away.

1:00:20 Drew This happened to me in first year of high school. What are you in the eighth or ninth grade?

1:00:25 Caller I'm in eighth.

1:00:26 Drew Eighth grade? Yeah, it happened to me in the ninth grade. It was a little mild twist on it, which was a girl was going to kill herself if I went out with her.

1:00:35 Adam Or if you didn't stop showing up on her doorstep. Yeah.

1:00:37 Drew Right. Almost the same thing.

1:00:39 Adam Was it that or was she going to kill you?

1:00:42 Drew Said she was going to kill herself and then she was going to turn the gun on me.

1:00:46 Adam After she killed herself.

1:00:47 Drew Yeah. It didn't work out from a man's standpoint, but I respected it and moved on. Danny?

1:00:53 Caller Yeah.

1:00:53 Drew You only went out with her for a week?

1:00:55 Caller Yeah. What's weird is I've known her since third grade. So that's one of the reasons I was going to break up with her, and then we had nothing in common. All right.

1:01:05 Adam Well, listen, you can't blame yourself for not wanting to have a relationship with her, but you do need to-

1:01:10 Drew Hold on. What do you need in common when you're in the eighth grade?

1:01:12 Adam I know.

1:01:13 Drew I got Mrs. Parker for history, you got Mr. Bernal. This is never going to work. What the hell? You're in eighth grade. You're in eighth grade. That's enough. That's enough in common, is it not? Drew, when you were in eighth grade, you had enough in common with every girl in that goddamn grade, didn't you?

1:01:35 Adam Yeah. Whatever it took.

1:01:38 Drew Right. If you liked someone, you had enough in common.

1:01:40 Adam Yeah.

1:01:41 Drew That whole in common thing, is that still around? You don't hear about it.

1:01:45 Adam I've not heard about it in a long time.

1:01:47 Drew Remember that though? We don't have anything in common. Really? How about my penis? That's something we both share, isn't it? No, I'm not a big fan of your penis. Really? I enjoy it. Well, I guess we'll move on. You have that nothing in common thing. It was like something from Love American style or something in the 70s.

1:02:09 Adam Yeah.

1:02:09 Drew I haven't heard about it. But listen, ladies, when a guy says, we don't have anything in common, I mean, that just means he ain't turned on by you. Being interested physically.

1:02:19 Adam He's not attracted.

1:02:20 Drew Because meanwhile, you want to know how much guys have to have in common? They import women.

1:02:27 Adam Right. Who can't speak the language.

1:02:30 Drew Hopefully don't speak the language. They go to the farthest reaches of the Orient and import teenagers to marry their middle-aged ass.

1:02:41 Adam Guys need a lot in common.

1:02:43 Caller Yeah.

1:02:44 Drew Yeah. Oh, me and Mitzuk. Sure. We got a lot in common.

1:02:51 Adam Two legs.

1:02:51 Drew We get two legs.

1:02:52 Adam Walk upright.

1:02:53 Drew That's right. We carry on cellular respiration.

1:02:57 Adam She has something on top of her head called hair.

1:02:59 Drew She's learning to drive. So one day we'll have that in common. A driver's license. Sure. Me and Mitzuk. Yeah. We sit around and talk all day about what we have in common. Eric.

1:03:10 Caller Yeah.

1:03:11 Drew You're 18.

1:03:12 Caller Yeah. I want to know if it's possible to get my girlfriend pregnant if she puts her naked vagina on my penis through my underwear.

1:03:21 Adam If you ejaculate.

1:03:23 Caller Well, I've never ejaculated in her presence. So I mean, is it possible for-

1:03:28 Adam I like the accuracy with what she's saying.

1:03:32 Drew Was said vagina in proximity of said penis when said penis ejaculated? Answer the question, son. Answer the question.

1:03:43 Caller So is it not possible or-

1:03:45 Drew Let me paint you a scenario, son.

1:03:47 Adam Very unlikely. I mean, almost impossible.

1:03:48 Drew Said penis ejaculates. Said vagina is not present, but said vagina comes into the room as said penis ejaculates and said semen is airborne and lands into said vagina. Even though said vagina was not present, said vagina could have gotten pregnant. In that scenario. Am I right, son? Yes or no, son? Answer me in a clear and present tone. Yes or no?

1:04:15 Caller I have no idea what you just said. That went all over my head.

1:04:18 Drew I think I made my point. All right. So the answer is probably no.

1:04:24 Caller Okay.

1:04:24 Caller Because she's a couple of days late, and I just wanted to see if it's possible that she just skipped.

1:04:31 Drew Yeah. What are you guys doing? You're in that dry home phase, huh?

1:04:35 Caller Yeah. Yeah. We don't go all the way.

1:04:37 Drew Nice. Listen, I just had a revelation, and Drew, please, stop me if I'm wrong. It don't get better than that. It doesn't. Does it? It doesn't get better than that.

1:04:48 Adam Ultimate sort of...

1:04:50 Drew That's life.

1:04:51 Caller Yeah.

1:04:52 Drew Let me tell... It may be early in the week to burst everyone's bubble, but let me tell you about life, everybody. Please listen. I swear to Christ that God's on us, and Drew, stop me if I'm wrong. You know that feeling when you have that crazy erection that's trying to get out of your pants, like it's a mole that's trying to burrow out of the earth, you know? And there's a woman and you're really hot for her, but you've never really totally seen her naked yet, but you've seen parts of her naked and she's rubbing on you. And you know, tonight ain't the night, but maybe this weekend. And it's like Wednesday night and she's rubbing on you and she's gotta go soon and you gotta go soon. And you're thinking, man, when I seal the deal, that is gonna be so great. But you know what? That's all life is. You look ahead about four days and go, wait till I seal the deal, wait till I seal the deal, wait till I seal the deal. But you know what the best part of life is? It's when she's on top of you and you wank her still in your pants and you're thinking about sealing the deal. That's the best part. That's what they don't tell you about. You seal the deal, it's a little bit of a let down. Like, yeah, that was pretty good. You just start thinking ahead to the next time you may seal the deal or with whom you may do it again other than this person. But it's that part that they don't tell you about. When you buy a new car, it's to drive to the dealer. That's the best part. Not to drive on the way home in the new car. Because now your head's gone somewhere else. Got the car. Let's hope some son of a bitch don't key it.

1:06:29 Adam Little buyer's remorse.

1:06:31 Drew Oh, jeez. I spent a lot on this, baby.

1:06:33 Adam I should have done that.

1:06:33 Drew The insurance is through the roof. Holy Christ. What's that up there? Oh, jeez. It's road construction. No, no, no. No, I got to park in the garage tonight. No, it's to ride to the dealer. Is that life, Drew?

1:06:46 Adam That's life.

1:06:47 Drew All right.

1:06:47 Adam We're at the full effect of it.

1:06:48 Drew So what have we learned? Dry hump on the way to the dealer.

1:06:52 Adam But the full effect of that dry hump has to be like in your early 20s, late teens. The full effect.

1:06:57 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, when you get that in your early 40s, you're angry.

1:07:02 Adam Well, you're more than angry.

1:07:04 Drew Yeah, your nuts explode.

1:07:06 Adam Yeah.

1:07:06 Drew You crap in your pants. You move your bowels. But Drew, you remember that feeling. You'll never have it again, by the way.

1:07:14 Adam Thank you.

1:07:14 Drew Never.

1:07:15 Adam Yeah.

1:07:15 Drew Ever.

1:07:15 Adam Thanks.

1:07:16 Drew No, I won't be there after. No, we're done.

1:07:18 Adam In the hereafter?

1:07:20 Drew No, no, what are you going to? Are you going to rape some angel or something? Only in hell do I get that. No. We'll take a break. We'll be back.

1:07:32 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:08:00 Drew Yeah, this is my riff.

1:08:04 Adam I went to a Major League Baseball game over the weekend.

1:08:07 Drew What's that?

1:08:07 Adam I got some free time now to baseball game with kids.

1:08:10 Drew What are you doing this weekend?

1:08:11 Adam Last weekend.

1:08:12 Drew You went to a baseball game?

1:08:13 Adam Yeah, a Dodger game.

1:08:14 Drew Yeah, what happened?

1:08:16 Adam It was fun.

1:08:17 Drew Kids enjoy that?

1:08:17 Adam Oh my God, they're like sports fanatics.

1:08:20 Drew Where do you get your seats?

1:08:21 Adam Just online.

1:08:22 Drew Oh yeah?

1:08:23 Adam Yeah.

1:08:23 Drew How much are Dodger tickets these days?

1:08:25 Adam For four, it was about 25 bucks a piece.

1:08:29 Drew They never go to any baseball games.

1:08:31 Adam It's nice. Yeah? Four minutes of action, packed into two hours.

1:08:35 Drew Three hours.

1:08:36 Adam Three hours, yeah.

1:08:37 Drew What do you do? Stay for like three innings and then go?

1:08:39 Adam No, listen, I got sports fanatic sons. They want to see the first pitch and the last pitch. Seriously?

1:08:46 Drew Really?

1:08:47 Adam Yes. And a snow cone and peanuts and a hot dog and cotton candy.

1:08:53 Drew Yeah. She's got to set you back a couple of hundred bills.

1:08:56 Adam Yeah, by the time you're all done.

1:08:58 Drew Yeah.

1:08:58 Adam Parking.

1:08:59 Drew Yeah. I don't like baseball that much.

1:09:03 Adam When you have kids though, to watch them enjoy it, it's worth it. I would never have gone by myself.

1:09:09 Drew I like playing baseball, but I'll tell you, if I hear Billy Crystal wax on about Roger Maris one more time, I'll kill myself.

1:09:18 Adam I would never have liked to go to football games though.

1:09:19 Drew I don't like celebrities talking. I hate it when Billy Crystal starts talking about the Yankees. You get Billy Crystal together with Larry King, and they talk about the first time they went to Yankee Stadium. Then you can toss Jerry Lewis into that pile. They talk about the wax poetic about the first time they went to Yankee Stadium or see the Brooklyn Dodgers. I want to kill myself. I just always think, oh, who cares? There's a bunch of toothless, uneducated alcoholics that you're making into deities, for Christ's sake. Baseball players?

1:09:48 Adam Geez, then I help coach little leagues. I'm kind of getting into this.

1:09:50 Drew Oh, really?

1:09:51 Caller Yeah.

1:09:52 Drew Listen.

1:09:53 Adam I'm never a good ball player.

1:09:54 Drew Playing baseball is great. Just, the guys that get too into it, I don't trust them.

1:09:59 Adam Guys that fight with their coaches and stuff.

1:10:01 Drew Look at these rotisserie leagues going and stuff. They know every, Bob Casas knows every goddamn thing about baseball. It drives me nuts. I always just think, who cares? Football. There's a man's sport.

1:10:13 Adam That's a sport, yeah.

1:10:14 Drew Yeah, that's a sport you can sink your teeth into. Tammy?

1:10:18 Caller Yeah.

1:10:18 Drew You're 16?

1:10:20 Caller Yes, I am.

1:10:21 Drew What's the matter, pumpkin?

1:10:22 Caller Okay, the first thing I have to say is that I feel that I have... Let me finish this. Let me finish my call. I just got on, dad. Okay, the first thing I have to say is that I feel that I've missed myself. Like, imagine things that don't, like, not that don't really happen, but I convinced myself, I guess.

1:10:43 Adam Like, what do you mean? Give an example.

1:10:45 Caller Like... Like, if I was raped, I'd convince myself that it was my fault and that it didn't really happen. And if it did happen, it was my fault.

1:10:57 Adam Well, making it your fault is a way of sort of gaining control of a situation where you felt completely out of control, isn't it?

1:11:05 Caller Yeah.

1:11:06 Adam And that's a way of sort of trying to manage the overwhelming feelings associated with having been traumatized and victimized like that. So I wouldn't call that hallucinating or imagining. That's just sort of trying to cope.

1:11:16 Caller Well, the thing is that, like, I have a feeling that I might have been molested when I was little, except I don't know who, who, by who.

1:11:25 Adam Okay, well, you've certainly been raped since then, right? Yeah. How old were you when you were first raped? All right, well, that's enough to give you some, some material. Yeah. Some feelings.

1:11:36 Drew Yeah, how's everything going now?

1:11:40 Adam How's that dad? I know.

1:11:42 Caller Okay, hello?

1:11:43 Adam He sounds like Frankenstein or something.

1:11:47 Caller He is.

1:11:48 Drew Yeah. That's your biological dad?

1:11:50 Caller Yeah.

1:11:51 Adam Yeah.

1:11:51 Drew What's he do for a living?

1:11:54 Caller Computer or something, I don't know. Manager, computer manager.

1:11:56 Drew I see. Do you get along with him okay?

1:12:00 Caller I do now, now that I'm sober.

1:12:02 Adam Ooh, from what?

1:12:05 Caller Ecstasy and crystal.

1:12:08 Caller Ooh, yeah.

1:12:10 Drew Are you in a program?

1:12:12 Caller I graduated.

1:12:13 Adam What the hell does that mean?

1:12:15 Caller Like...

1:12:16 Adam You don't graduate from a treatment program. You transition. So you should be in the community with a sponsor, going to meetings regularly.

1:12:23 Um, I don't really do that.

1:12:26 Caller I...

1:12:26 Adam Alright, so you're untreated. That's untreated. You're just waiting for the shoe to drop before you use again.

1:12:33 Caller I'm like sober, you know?

1:12:34 Adam You're not sober. You're not using.

1:12:37 Caller Yeah.

1:12:37 Adam It's different. Alright.

1:12:39 Drew I look at it as the same. But you're not living a sober lifestyle, which is chain smoking and drinking tons of coffee in front of a church on a Tuesday night at 1030, complaining about your boyfriends.

1:12:52 Caller Well, I mean, I don't understand how, like, I could be going to meetings and stuff like that when I feel that I need to be focusing on the reason why I did it or why I'm doing drugs.

1:13:02 Adam The reason why you did it is one thing, but being an addict is another. And each thing needs to be treated. The addictive disease and what emotional elements came to bear that caused you to seek out relief and escape in the first place.

1:13:14 Caller Yeah.

1:13:15 Adam Two different things.

1:13:16 Drew All right, well, it's good that you're looking for reasons as to why you did it.

1:13:19 Adam Yeah.

1:13:20 Drew You have a boyfriend?

1:13:22 Caller I just broke up with him.

1:13:24 Drew Why? What'd he do?

1:13:25 Caller Something horrible?

1:13:26 Drew Or he was a good guy?

1:13:28 Caller Was abusive and cut off his finger to, like, because I wasn't dating only him.

1:13:34 Adam Nice.

1:13:35 Drew He really, he really cut his finger off?

1:13:37 Caller His tendon, his tendon. And we had to take him to the emergency room, blah, blah, blah, drama.

1:13:42 It wasn't a healthy relationship.

1:13:44 Caller And I got out of it.

1:13:46 Caller Good.

1:13:47 Drew How old was this guy?

1:13:51 Caller But the sex was good.

1:13:52 Drew All right. Listen, mama, slow it down. You're 16 now. You should be thinking about Unicorns and Hello Kitty Stationary and Bobby Sherman. Just like Drew was at 16.

1:14:07 Adam I didn't like Hello Kitty.

1:14:08 Caller How am I supposed to deal with the fact that, like, I have this feeling about me and I don't know whether it's true or not?

1:14:14 Adam Well, it doesn't really matter whether it's true or not. It's that you have some very heavy feelings. And you said you were in treatment. So just keep going to treatment. Well, if you're not in treatment, get to a meeting, find a sponsor and start working some steps because that same material will be sorted through to some extent in recovery.

1:14:29 Drew Listen, everybody, I know this sounds very cliche, but slow down, do not be such a hurry to be an adult. All you 15, 16 year old chicks out there that are dating the dude in his early 20s, abusing math and getting into these freaked out abusive relationships, just reel it in a little bit. For Christ's sake, can we do that? Can you, everybody, can you step outside your own life and hover over yourself? You know, like that ghost of Christmas past?

1:15:01 Adam Yeah.

1:15:02 Drew Remember how he floated over everybody? What was that? Christmas tale?

1:15:06 Adam Christmas Carol.

1:15:07 Drew Christmas Carol. Yeah. Floated over everyone, saw exactly what was going on. You can do that. Do it with yourself. Teresa?

1:15:16 Yeah.

1:15:16 Drew You're 15?

1:15:17 Caller Yep.

1:15:18 Drew Are you floating over yourself looking at your life?

1:15:20 Caller No.

1:15:22 Drew Well, it didn't work. What's up?

1:15:24 Caller All right.

1:15:24 I'm definitely afraid of the gynecologist.

1:15:27 Caller Why?

1:15:27 I don't know.

1:15:28 Caller I can't go.

1:15:29 Adam How about just a general doctor?

1:15:32 Caller I can't.

1:15:32 I just like start shaking.

1:15:34 Caller I'm like just a thought of something down there just crushes me up.

1:15:37 Drew But Drew, do you mean how about a general doctor is not examining her most private of parts?

1:15:42 Adam I mean, there's something about a gynecologist.

1:15:44 Drew That's any guy's looking up her skirt.

1:15:47 Adam Are you sexually active?

1:15:48 Yeah.

1:15:49 Adam Then you really need to do this, don't you?

1:15:50 Yeah.

1:15:51 Adam There's some nurse practitioners and physicians that are specially trained in helping women overcome their anxiety about this. They use mirrors. They let you hold the speculum. They let you really sort of conduct the whole exam on your own almost.

1:16:02 Drew Really?

1:16:03 Adam Yeah. They just thought it would help you.

1:16:04 Drew What do you mean they use mirrors?

1:16:05 Adam They show them what they're looking at and stuff.

1:16:07 Drew Really?

1:16:08 Adam Yeah.

1:16:08 Drew Hey, you think that's going to help? No. No, you don't want to see what they're doing. Look, I don't want a guy putting his finger in my ass, but what I really don't want is a guy holding a mirror so I can see him put his finger in my ass.

1:16:23 Adam Yeah, but you really don't want somebody cutting your guts open to pull the tumor out that you grew because you didn't get the proper screening done.

1:16:29 Drew Are you cursing me?

1:16:30 Adam No, I'm just suggesting that the finger in the ass is better than the scalpel across the abdomen.

1:16:35 Drew But still better than seeing it through a mirror.

1:16:38 Adam I'm not suggesting you would want a mirror.

1:16:39 Drew And by the way, where would you hold that mirror for me to see the finger in the ass? I would take three or four mirrors.

1:16:44 Adam You would, yeah.

1:16:45 Drew One in front, shoot it up back, side, and then another lower one.

1:16:49 Adam A whole series, yeah. We could do a sort of vanishing act, too, if you wished. Your anus could disappear. Oh, I wish it could. Add some entertainment value.

1:16:56 Drew So, you gotta do this. Listen, there's not a 15-year-old in the world who cherishes this or relishes doing this.

1:17:04 Adam But if you're sexually active, you've got to do this.

1:17:07 Caller Well, I can't.

1:17:08 I'm like, I've gone, like I've gone twice, and I can't go through the door.

1:17:12 Caller I just start shaking and I have to believe.

1:17:15 Adam Believe?

1:17:16 Yeah, like I can't like go through with it.

1:17:19 Adam You got to, Drew. I'm sure you can. Take somebody with who you trust. You can sort of squeeze their hand.

1:17:23 Drew Did she say she was sexually active?

1:17:26 Yeah, I've had sex three times.

1:17:28 Drew All right. You have a boyfriend? So you're not active now?

1:17:33 Spring break was the last time I was.

1:17:36 Drew I see. And how do the prospects for the future look?

1:17:41 Depends on how drunk I get.

1:17:43 Caller Oh, boy.

1:17:45 Drew Well, you're all right with getting loaded and having some strange teenage boy hop on you. What's wrong with a nice sterile environment? They put that butcher's paper down, you lie down there, makes a crunching noise. Very, very, very enticing. What's going on? Where's your dad? What happened to you?

1:18:05 Caller My dad knows.

1:18:07 My dad's great. I love my dad. He's like always been there for me and everything. I've never been like sexually raped or anything.

1:18:15 Adam What's up with your mom?

1:18:16 She's a bitch.

1:18:17 Adam Yeah. No kidding.

1:18:19 Drew Yeah. It's interesting. Why? Why don't you like her?

1:18:24 You can't please her. Nothing I do is good enough for her.

1:18:30 Drew No. I know. My mom's the same one. No, she's not. She doesn't care. That was somebody else's mom. That's right. Something I saw on TV. Teresa, well, you know what you got to do. So you got to do it. All right. How do you find a gynecologist?

1:18:46 I went to my friends.

1:18:48 Drew Okay. And your friend says this is a good person?

1:18:50 Well, she's been sexually active since sixth grade.

1:18:53 Caller I think she's been going to hers since seventh.

1:18:56 Drew What you want is an Asian woman.

1:18:58 Caller Yeah, that's what she is.

1:18:59 Drew Yeah. Very smart.

1:19:01 Adam Why?

1:19:02 Drew They're the least human. Which you, I'll tell you who you want. You want, examining your private parts, you want somebody who you don't really connect with, who you don't feel there could be any kind of sexual connection with.

1:19:23 Adam You want somebody who's sort of goofing, like Charles Nelson Riley or something?

1:19:27 Drew Yeah. Yeah, the huge big old glasses on him, doing the Hoodoo Guru character from Lidsville. No, I'm guessing, like Drew, if you were to have sex with a guy.

1:19:45 Adam Me?

1:19:46 Drew Yeah.

1:19:46 Adam Yeah.

1:19:47 Drew Wouldn't you want some bizarre nationality and some non-English speaking guy in some distant place far away? You wouldn't want some dude who, your race, your age, contemporary, guy you sort of knew, lived in town.

1:20:06 Adam No, that would be bad.

1:20:06 Drew You know what I mean?

1:20:07 Adam Yeah, that's bad.

1:20:08 Drew The further away from your life, your lifestyle, your culture.

1:20:12 Adam Yeah, well, it's the things that you're ashamed of, you want to distance yourself from. And so this is like my condom buying policy when I was a teenager.

1:20:20 Drew Drew would go down to Chinatown and buy condoms. I told that story at dinner tonight, by the way.

1:20:25 Adam Thank you. Who did you share it with?

1:20:28 Drew I was sitting with some big wigs from Comedy Central.

1:20:32 Adam Were they amused?

1:20:32 Drew Yes, they enjoyed it. Kate?

1:20:35 Adam Yes.

1:20:36 Drew So you're saying you'd want to be raped by like an Indonesian guy in like a Kuala Lumpur, right?

1:20:43 Adam Right, have to be somewhere else.

1:20:44 Drew Right. And then it'd be all right. You might even enjoy it. Kate?

1:20:47 Adam Yes.

1:20:47 Drew You're 22, what's up?

1:20:49 Caller I am. Hi Adam, hi Drew. I am interested in becoming an egg donor. And I was wondering if there were any sort of, I was just a little bit nervous about the drugs. And I was wondering if there were any adverse reactions. Would it affect my childbearing years later on in life?

1:21:08 Adam It shouldn't.

1:21:09 Drew How does it work with the eggs and the chicks? I think they can keep those coming, right?

1:21:14 Adam Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah. And the deal is they don't really know, Kate. They don't know for sure whether it increases the risk of ovarian cancer, premature ovarian failure. There isn't fertility problems so much. And certainly the drugs themselves, while you're taking them, can have lots of side effects that make you depressed, and they can screw your relationships up, and they can be pretty miserable.

1:21:34 Drew What are they? They stimulate it so that the egg will drop?

1:21:37 Adam No, no. Multiple follicles develop, and then they reach in and they stick a needle into the follicles and suck the eggs out.

1:21:43 Drew That's how they harvest them, huh?

1:21:45 Adam Yeah. They used to do it through the abdominal wall.

1:21:48 Drew Go good times. Why do you want to donate an egg?

1:21:52 Caller Well, primarily, I'm a college student, and I love it.

1:21:57 Adam They used to strip. They used to be stripping. They used to be the vime on this. Now it's egg donating.

1:22:02 Drew How much for an egg?

1:22:05 Caller It's about $5,000.

1:22:06 Adam Per egg? Per egg?

1:22:09 Caller Yeah.

1:22:09 Adam Per harvest or per egg?

1:22:11 Caller I don't know. Per egg.

1:22:12 Adam Because per egg, boy, sometimes they go to 20 eggs.

1:22:15 Caller Yeah.

1:22:15 Adam Think about that.

1:22:16 Drew Yeah.

1:22:17 Caller I think it's per harvest. I think it's $5,000. Yeah.

1:22:19 Drew It can't be per egg. There's not going to get $100,000 out of that. And you know, it's funny. Is the word donor the right word when you're selling something?

1:22:29 Caller Egg volunteer.

1:22:30 Adam Egg provider.

1:22:31 Drew Yeah. They have like book donor programs and blood donor programs. You're basically an egg salesman.

1:22:37 Caller Right. Well, they do. They like, they take a profile of you and they get pictures and you get put in a book. So.

1:22:42 Adam Egg distributor.

1:22:43 Caller Yeah.

1:22:43 Drew Right.

1:22:44 Caller Yeah.

1:22:44 Drew You got a ranch in your vagina. And what do you look like?

1:22:48 Caller Oh, I'm cute.

1:22:49 Caller Uh-huh.

1:22:50 Drew You're a college student?

1:22:51 Caller Yeah.

1:22:52 Drew That's what they look for.

1:22:53 Caller Yeah.

1:22:53 Drew And you're of a certain age.

1:22:55 Adam Go to school. University of Washington. Yeah.

1:22:57 Caller All right.

1:22:59 Drew Well, what the hell?

1:23:00 Caller I'm healthy girl, so.

1:23:01 Drew Do you have any problems with the moral implications?

1:23:04 Caller I don't know. I'm not too sure yet. I haven't really sorted through that yet, but I'm not sure if I want little me's running around that I don't know or have given birth to. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet, but I'm working through that.

1:23:17 Drew Would you look at them as little you's?

1:23:20 Caller I don't know. I don't know if I'd be looking out there to see if there were little me's running around or not. I don't know. I really haven't. It's just something that a friend of mine had done it, and so I was just toying with the idea too, because I lost my scholarship. Oh, it's a long story. I'm sure you guys don't want to hear it.

1:23:43 Drew No, you're probably right. Not in sports, though, right?

1:23:46 Caller No, no.

1:23:47 Drew All right, baby.

1:23:48 Caller OK, I'll do it.

1:23:49 Drew But I'll tell you, don't get high. Me like a mushrooms or or the new weed that they're growing these days, that hydroponic mud, because I'm telling you, if you donated, well, like again, not donated, but sold your eggs, provided your eggs. And, you know, a couple of years went by and you could assume that somebody may have taken it and implanted some sperm in there and maybe had one of you running around somewhere. And then you got really baked. And then you just sat around and thought about some crib that had an infant in it that was somewhere on this planet that was basically your genes. Wouldn't you kind of freak a little bit? You'd never see that kid, never know him.

1:24:35 Adam Sure.

1:24:36 Drew But they'd have, you might have some of your physical characteristics, some of your mannerisms. Interesting, huh? I think it wouldn't be worth the five grand. You couldn't get high. You'd freak out.

1:24:49 Adam Oh, I see. You could never get high.

1:24:51 Drew No, you'd freak.

1:24:52 Adam I see. You'd relinquish your, yeah.

1:24:53 Drew Yeah. Not worth it. We'll take a break. We'll be back.

1:24:59 Caller Hello, is this Loveline?

1:25:00 Caller Call 1-800-LOVE-191. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

1:25:29 Caller Oh my, it's Loveline.

1:25:31 Caller 94.7, Ernor, NRK.

1:25:42 Caller Yeah.

1:25:42 Drew I missed that. I missed that thing that slide.

1:25:48 Caller Yeah.

1:25:49 Drew That's, you know, when I'm doing the air guitar, as I drag my hand down the frats.

1:25:55 Adam I thought they're just making the universal masturbation sign.

1:25:58 Drew That's my move when I cover zeppelin with air guitar. Want a whole lot of love. Want a whole lot. Yeah. That move means you came to rock. Now that move, Drew, I don't even know which way they're going. I always head down. Maybe I'm heading up. Yeah. The air guitar move is to slide from the top down to the bottom. But I don't know. You may slide the other way. Let's check in to that. Alisa?

1:26:32 Caller Yeah. Alisa.

1:26:33 Drew Alisa?

1:26:34 Caller Yeah.

1:26:35 Drew You're 16?

1:26:37 Caller 18.

1:26:38 Drew All right. What's up?

1:26:40 Caller First of all, I have a comment about the... You guys were talking about how guys sit next to their girls in the restaurant.

1:26:46 Caller Oh.

1:26:48 Caller Well, I've worked at a couple of restaurants before. Actually, one time a really nice one. I was a hostess there and I used to hate it when I would set the menus on opposite sides of the tables and then the guy would take his menu and sit next to his girl.

1:27:01 Caller Oh.

1:27:02 Caller And this is from a girl's point of view as well.

1:27:04 Drew Such a BS move.

1:27:05 Caller Yeah.

1:27:06 Drew Who are you kidding, you pussies?

1:27:08 Caller Well, that's what I'm saying. This is from a girl's point of view too. Like if my guy ever did that, I'd be like, get your butt up and move to the other side of the table.

1:27:16 Adam Yeah. It's just intrusive.

1:27:18 Caller Yeah. I mean, we're eating. What are you going to do when we're eating?

1:27:21 Adam Well, that's what Adam said. There was a plan there.

1:27:23 Drew The guy's jockeying for something.

1:27:25 Adam Did he say his fingering or something?

1:27:26 Drew Yeah, fingering.

1:27:27 Caller No.

1:27:28 Drew Oh, yes. All right. Alyssa, what's up?

1:27:33 Caller Well, I've got a question. When I was... Actually, I'm at the end of my rag and I did have sex and I was wondering, I know there's a small chance that you can get pregnant while you are on your rag and you have sex, right?

1:27:46 Adam At the start of the rag and at the end of the rag.

1:27:48 Drew Right. Mid-rag.

1:27:50 Caller Mid-rag, you can?

1:27:52 Adam No, you can get pregnant any rag.

1:27:55 Caller Well, I'm supposed to start the pill after a week.

1:28:00 Adam For the first time? It's not start again?

1:28:04 Caller Yeah, it is actually. I'm supposed to restart the pill.

1:28:07 Adam Restart. I'm sorry.

1:28:08 Caller No, actually, I haven't been on it for a long time.

1:28:10 Adam Okay, got it. Got it.

1:28:12 Caller And I was wondering, what would that do if I actually did get pregnant? I mean, what kind of consequences?

1:28:18 Adam No problem. Nothing.

1:28:19 Caller No problem at all?

1:28:20 Adam Nothing.

1:28:21 Drew Who pulled the rag on you?

1:28:23 Caller What?

1:28:24 Drew Who?

1:28:24 Adam Popped the corp.

1:28:25 Drew Who popped the corp?

1:28:29 Caller What are you talking about? My guy?

1:28:31 Drew Yeah, yeah. Who is this?

1:28:33 Caller My boyfriend.

1:28:34 Adam Adam's impressed, Alyssa.

1:28:35 Drew Yeah. I like this guy's style. He's not the kind of.

1:28:38 Caller He was at the end. It's not like it was dirty or anything.

1:28:41 Drew This ain't the kind of poser that's sitting next to you on the same side of the booth in a restaurant.

1:28:45 Adam No, it's not.

1:28:45 Drew No, it's not. No, this is a true man.

1:28:47 Adam Commitment.

1:28:48 Drew Pulls that cork, gets right in there. All right there, man.

1:28:51 Caller Couldn't wait. So, I mean, if I start the pill and I know there's a small chance you could get pregnant, but that wouldn't do anything?

1:28:58 Adam Correct.

1:28:59 Caller That wouldn't hurt anything?

1:29:00 Adam No problem.

1:29:00 Caller All right.

1:29:01 Adam All right.

1:29:02 Caller Thank you.

1:29:02 Drew All right, man.

1:29:05 Adam Good times, huh?

1:29:06 Drew Yeah, good times.

1:29:08 Adam All right.

1:29:09 Drew I had a bizarre tangent to go off.

1:29:10 Adam Oh, please no.

1:29:11 Caller I'm too tired.

1:29:12 Drew Harold? Yeah. You're 19?

1:29:15 Caller Excuse me? Yeah, 19.

1:29:16 Drew What's up?

1:29:17 Caller Well, every time I masturbate, my penis and my circumcision scar, and it swells up real big.

1:29:25 Adam Your circumcision scar swells up?

1:29:27 Caller No. My foreskin.

1:29:29 Adam No. How the hell do you know where your circumcision scar is?

1:29:31 Drew Well, some guys, you can see it.

1:29:33 Caller Well, yeah.

1:29:34 Drew You can see the scarring. You don't know what I'm talking about, Drew?

1:29:37 Adam Yeah.

1:29:37 Drew You've never seen that scar?

1:29:38 Adam Yeah, but it doesn't really swell up.

1:29:40 Caller Well, no.

1:29:40 Drew It's just a discoloration.

1:29:42 Caller When I masturbate, it's like my whole glands, my whole- The head. It all swells up and it hurts when I ejaculate and it hurts when I pee. But it never happens during sex.

1:29:54 Adam What do you use to masturbate?

1:29:56 Caller My hand. I don't use any lotion. I use what I have left in my foreskin.

1:30:02 Drew He uses a oyster shucking glove. That's the problem.

1:30:05 Adam He uses what he has left of his foreskin.

1:30:08 Caller Well, I use my skin. I don't use no lotion or nothing.

1:30:13 Drew You're a dry man.

1:30:15 Adam Are you overly aggressive?

1:30:20 Caller No, not really. Just enough to get the orgasm.

1:30:25 Drew Maybe you should step up to some lube. Yeah, let's try that.

1:30:31 Caller Well, because I mean, it swallows up real bad and it looks like I got a damn battle hanging.

1:30:38 Adam Didn't Jimmy have a mushroom problem?

1:30:41 Drew Oh, Jimmy? Partner Jimmy?

1:30:43 Adam Yeah.

1:30:44 Drew Yeah, his penis swole up once when he was whacking off.

1:30:47 Adam Like a mushroom, he said.

1:30:50 Drew He uses a lot of hyperbole with his penis, though, so it's hard to tell. But, yeah, I think he was in, I think it was like in high school or something when that happened. I remember that story. Drew, what do you think about him weaving a little lube into his conservatory session?

1:31:07 Adam Yeah, that's fine.

1:31:08 Drew And don't be so hard on it. Robert?

1:31:12 Caller Yeah.

1:31:12 Drew You're 19?

1:31:13 Caller Yeah, no, 18 actually.

1:31:15 Drew Okay.

1:31:16 Adam What's up?

1:31:16 Drew You got a little problem with that tonight. What's up?

1:31:18 Caller I just want to know if the urine like go bad. Because I have to take a drug test tomorrow. And like my friends are going to pee for me.

1:31:25 Drew I see.

1:31:25 Caller So I'm going to keep it in the cup and then like jump it in at the office.

1:31:30 Adam They're not going to observe your urine?

1:31:32 Caller No, they're not.

1:31:33 Adam You sure?

1:31:34 Caller Yeah, because it's my friend worked it before. He said do the same thing and they won't do it.

1:31:38 Drew What's it for?

1:31:39 Caller What do you mean what it's for?

1:31:41 Adam Airline mechanic.

1:31:41 Drew What kind of job is it?

1:31:43 Caller Oh, it's more like I work with disabled children. I work with disabled children now.

1:31:47 Drew Yeah, why not? Listen, if you can't be high when you're working with those screwed up kids, you know, I mean, that's the one job in the world. Like those kids are going to know if you're high or not. That's fine. What are you doing? Just lift them in and out of the van and stuff?

1:32:02 Caller Oh, yeah, take care of them on a daily basis. Change their diapers, stuff like that.

1:32:06 Drew That's fine.

1:32:07 Adam They're going to check the temperature and the pH and the sort of...

1:32:12 Drew Do you smoke weed, Robert? Yeah. You need to smoke weed when you're working with those kids. Nothing wrong with that.

1:32:19 Adam Usually, if they're really going to do a true screen, they'll observe the urine.

1:32:22 Drew Yeah, but what about... Hold on. What about...

1:32:24 Adam People trade urine all the time.

1:32:25 Drew True. What about this? If I'm an employer and I'm thinking, I'm going to hire this idiot Robert. He's going to cart around the retarded kids all day. I don't give a rat's ass, but I got to cover my ass.

1:32:36 Adam Right. If you crash the bus or something.

1:32:38 Drew Yeah. I'll take his urine, I'll hold my fingers up in quotations, and I'll take it to the lab and I'll check out, we'll hire him up, and then I'm covered for insurance. Hey, give me urine test.

1:32:49 Adam Yeah.

1:32:49 Drew Now, what more does the insurance company want from me?

1:32:52 Adam No, you're right. I think that-

1:32:53 Drew Hold the peanut cup, he did it, he handed it back. I can't fall the guy around.

1:32:56 Adam Sounds like that's the way they're approaching this.

1:32:59 Drew Aren't a lot of businesses going to approach it that way nowadays?

1:33:02 Adam I suspect so.

1:33:02 Drew We never really talk about that, but if you think about it, the business probably is not as interested in you passing this thing. This is probably something their insurance company slapped on them, and they said, fine, just do what you got to do.

1:33:16 Adam Could be.

1:33:17 Drew Well, think about it.

1:33:18 Adam Could be.

1:33:19 Drew All right. Thanks for the endorsement.

1:33:20 Adam No, I think that's probably true.

1:33:22 Drew Thank you again. We'll be back.

1:33:28 Caller Loveline on 94.7 NRK is brought to you by Car Toys.

1:34:09 Drew All right, well, there you go. Ron Lester will be in here tomorrow night from Popular and Several Movies. He's the good old big boy. Bubba. Bubba.

1:34:20 Adam What was he in the varsity blues?

1:34:22 Drew Bubba. We'll just call him Bubba.

1:34:24 Caller Get two chicks in the same bed. Do them.

1:34:28 Caller Yeah.

1:34:29 Drew One chick's got two guys with Ron.

1:34:31 Adam Delicate sensibility.

1:34:32 Drew He's a load, but he's a fun guy, and we like it. So we look forward to seeing him tomorrow night, and until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Answer me in a clear and present tone. Yes or no?

1:34:44 Caller I have no idea what you just said.

1:34:46 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, May 1, 2001