Episode 1000754886930

1:13 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla, that's Dr. Drew, over there, phone number 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist.

1:25 Drew Your Royal Highness, they'll be bringing your coffee shortly, settle down, relax.

1:28 Adam What the hell is it?

1:29 Drew Oh my God.

1:30 Adam You see that? How many nights don't I want coffee? That's the question we should all be asking ourselves.

1:35 Drew I like the way you were sort of gesturing to the court.

1:38 Adam Look, it's hard not to look like a prick when you're talking and trying to get somebody to do something that's completely different than what you're talking about. All you got is those hand things. There's no hand please.

1:47 Christopher Titus The violent snap and the prick.

1:48 Drew Chris was impressed.

1:49 Adam Hey, I'm a prick. Christopher Titus is our guest tonight from the hit series Titus.

1:56 Christopher Titus Good evening.

1:56 Adam Saw the big billboard up on Ventura Boulevard in Studio City.

2:01 Christopher Titus It's got an edge to it too and I like about it too. Hey, behind every good man is a woman kicking his butt. Yeah, they don't play around the fox. They push the envelope. And you know, they're the Chuck Yeager of comedy.

2:10 Drew I was telling Chris about the lost footage of Adam Corolla. You need a brain vacation.

2:17 Christopher Titus You need a brain vacation. Oh, man, I see now the difference between me and you is that I would just do, well, I guess we're not doing that.

2:22 Drew Well, that's what he did.

2:23 Christopher Titus Good for you.

2:24 Adam Oh, to be, and then, Drew, how many times did I pull, oh, not pull you aside, just yelled at everyone, this is horrible.

2:30 Drew No, you said, you said, listen, give me a couple seconds to get something going here. I will save you from yourselves.

2:36 Adam Yeah.

2:36 Drew What was their response?

2:38 Adam Shut up, shut up.

2:40 Christopher Titus They love to hear that. Hey, I'm better than you. Should I get step aside?

2:43 Adam Okay, sir. My condescending, I'm going to save you from yourself line, is worn thin with many a Hollywood executive. There could be nothing more insulting really. It's even worse than you suck. It's like you're retarded and you don't know it.

2:56 Christopher Titus Exactly. Before you hurt yourself with the sharp jokes. You know, let me get in there and help you.

3:02 Drew Wouldn't it be great to find that footage?

3:04 Adam No. No, it would be painful. It would be brutally painful.

3:07 Drew I guess my ass would we be tripping over there?

3:11 Adam That's true. Please.

3:12 Christopher Titus You want to say you're a Bradford? You know, Bradford.

3:17 Because you're like the coolest.

3:18 Christopher Titus Because Adam Corolla is like the coolest guy.

3:19 No.

3:20 You are your king of cool.

3:21 Adam And then that's great.

3:22 All right, whatever.

3:23 Adam Where's my check?

3:23 Oh, my God.

3:25 Adam So bad. So bad.

3:26 Oh, my God.

3:27 Adam So bad.

3:28 Drew I find that.

3:29 Adam Okay. All right. Now, Drew, are you done? And Drew, you should not be talking because I was the only person in the room who repeatedly raised his hand and said, What are we doing?

3:37 Drew What do I know?

3:38 Adam Drew, tell Chris what we did in media training. When they tried to give us media training class.

3:44 Drew What?

3:45 Adam Have you ever heard of this media training? What?

3:47 Drew No.

3:48 Adam Media training. A lot of people don't know about this, but I would imagine you would use it if, hold on, if you became a politician, you were thrust into the limelight without any former experience.

4:00 Drew Some sort of wood shop for talking? No, you need it where you've got to refine a message. Where you, someone, you guys tell me your message and they refine it for you. Well, this was, no, no, no, this was, we're going to teach you how to talk on camera and answer questions. And you basically told them to kiss your ass, I remember. I think it was something stronger than that.

4:17 Adam It was a horrible day. Yeah, where they sit you in a room with publicists.

4:21 Christopher Titus Kiss your ass is a pretty clean message, though. I mean, they move you over to the next level.

4:24 Adam Fox should have used ass instead of butt with the behind.

4:26 Christopher Titus Why, it's just something. Oh well. It's just something.

4:30 Adam Well, anyway, third season, still going strong. Jesus, what a success. And it was a show that, now, it's just not me if I'm wrong, came out of the gates pretty good. Then there was a little question, like, where's this show going? And then back, it's not going to hell.

4:50 Christopher Titus A lot of promo. They moved us on Monday night. We got successful. They moved us Tuesday. We built an audience. Got successful. They moved us to Wednesday at 9.30. And I think their plan is to slowly kill the show off over five years. We'll make syndication. I won't be able to renegotiate because they'll go, hey, look, what happened? You got no numbers. Please. So it's, I don't know. We're on 9.30 after Bernie Mac, now Wednesday's now. And hold on by our fingertips, frankly. I like you keep saying hit show. Keep saying that.

5:14 Adam What?

5:14 Christopher Titus Keep saying hit show.

5:15 Adam Yeah, hit show. Hit show. Look, any.

5:18 Drew If that isn't a hit show, what the hell is?

5:20 Adam Any show that is on is a hit show and it's past its first season.

5:25 Drew Right.

5:26 Adam I will say that about this town.

5:28 Christopher Titus We get some good episodes about Tommy's. Tommy's. We find out why Tommy. Tommy's not gay, although the character on the show, everybody thinks he is. We come out and find out that his dad is. His dad finally comes out and that's why he was raised by this effeminate guy. You're yawning. What is that? I only talk about my show. Move on. Let's talk about someone's penis right now. Just get the phone. Let's get to someone's penis.

5:42 Drew These comedians are very sensitive.

5:43 I'm just tired.

5:44 Drew But Adam, it's his voice that makes me yawn. But Stacey Keech, how's he doing?

5:51 Christopher Titus He's brilliant. He's not, like once again, still off the drugs and the coke, which is good. Not drinking. We had David Carradine on the show. Actually, for Christmas episode, we burned down a houseboat and sink it. The Christmas present is basically, Titus' Christmas present to Aaron is to get dad isolated so she could force Christmas down his throat, because he hates Christmas. And what ends up happening is he's out there with his buddy David Carradine, and they're puking and throwing up, so we actually make dad believe that he killed his best friend so he can actually get to Christmas spirit.

6:21 Adam I love it when something on water burns. I find it ironic but compelling and kind of humorous at the same time.

6:29 Drew Why?

6:30 Adam You know, once in a while that happens, stuff in the middle of the ocean catches on fire, a cruise ship or something. I just find it bizarre that something that's afloat is on fire.

6:41 Drew Something on water is on fire.

6:44 Christopher Titus The relaxing part is you can watch it because you know nothing really is going to go wrong. It's just going to burn to the water and it's going to go out.

6:49 Drew I see.

6:49 Christopher Titus It's not like it's going to catch the next house on fire, the next boat is going to spread to boat to boat, the whole ocean is going to be burning. You can watch it. You can sit back, get a Coke, watch the whole thing burn.

6:55 Drew Why you find it funny when I get ill?

6:57 Adam Right. When a doctor gets sick.

6:59 Christopher Titus That's hysterical.

7:00 Drew I laugh endlessly at that.

7:02 Adam It is ironic and humorous.

7:03 You should know though.

7:05 Drew No, I don't laugh very much.

7:07 Adam All right. We'll take ourselves some calls and speak to Manuel. Manuel? Manuel?

7:15 Manuel.

7:16 Adam Manuel.

7:17 Yeah. I wanted to call to say that I've been with this girl for a year and a half.

7:24 Drew Just a guess.

7:24 Two weeks ago, she has basketball practice. After basketball practice, I just stopped by there, and I started kissing one of her best friends.

7:34 Drew You started that? Yeah.

7:35 Adam Oh. You start kissing one of her best friends?

7:38 No, she did.

7:39 Adam Oh, she did?

7:39 Yeah, but I just like made it as an assistant, just like ran. Or not run, but I didn't say anything.

7:46 Drew You mean they were sort of kissing as friends, or they were making out?

7:49 They were making out.

7:50 Drew And this was, you saw them, what, the locker room? Where did you see them exactly?

7:53 No, like kind of like outside the gym.

7:55 Drew And didn't she expect to see you there?

7:58 No, I don't think she saw me.

7:59 Drew No, no, but wasn't she expecting that after practice, you would kind of...

8:01 No, is that I have drama practice?

8:04 Adam Drama practice?

8:06 Drew Whatever it is, he's getting good specifics.

8:08 Adam Yeah, that's good. What are you guys doing? Are you doing a play right now?

8:12 Yeah.

8:13 Drew What play?

8:15 We did already. It was called a Brave Look at Terror.

8:19 Adam Brave Look at Terror?

8:20 A Brave Look at Terror.

8:21 Adam Uh-huh. And what did you play, a tree or a rock?

8:24 Both. No.

8:26 Drew You can't make up titles like that.

8:28 Adam That's range. Okay.

8:29 It was about the September 11th thing, a student's response.

8:33 Adam Really?

8:33 Christopher Titus Are you doing plays about that?

8:34 Drew Wow. Nice.

8:35 Christopher Titus We were like freaked out about doing a joke about it on the show, man.

8:39 Drew Wow.

8:40 Adam We were doing plays like about Lincoln and stuff when I was in high school. You guys are doing stuff that happened three weeks ago. All right. So you saw her making out. Well, maybe the chick had a good game and that was just her way of saying that.

8:53 Christopher Titus Was it like porno make out or was it like 1 AM Cinemax movie make out?

8:58 I don't know. It was just like a make out like any like.

9:02 Drew How's the relationship been going between you and she?

9:05 When I saw her, I just couldn't believe it.

9:07 Drew But before that, how was the relationship going?

9:09 Of us? Yeah. Yeah, it was going great.

9:11 Drew Great. How long have you been dating her?

9:13 Yeah, it's been good.

9:14 Drew How long have you been dating her?

9:15 Oh, how long? Like a year and a half.

9:17 Drew A year and a half.

9:18 Adam Yeah. He's no good when he gets off script. You know what I'm saying? Hey, Emmanuel, why don't you just ask her about it? About what?

9:28 I don't know. I think I feel weird or something.

9:30 Adam Well, you didn't do anything wrong. Tell her somebody told you.

9:36 But don't you think I should break up with her or just...

9:39 Adam All right. Break up with her.

9:40 Christopher Titus That's what I think you should do right now. Call her up if you hang up.

9:43 Drew I think if this is true, which there's a certain edge of, certain stench of bogosity here in this call. Yeah.

9:52 Yeah, it's been good.

9:53 Drew Yeah. Go talk to her about it. Give her a chance to explain what's going on and find out what the hell is up with your relationship with her. That's all. Very simple.

9:59 Okay.

10:00 Adam I was thinking shop all the way with this kid. I was not thinking drama class.

10:05 Christopher Titus No, not drama class. I'm surprised.

10:06 Adam Not at all.

10:07 Christopher Titus Then again, no matter what, if you're a football player and they said, yeah, we're going to do Look Back at Terror and you knew what it was about, you'd be like, hey, I'm in.

10:12 Adam Yeah, I'm in. Yeah, I'll play on Firefire. Well, they hung up because we got rid of him, Drew.

10:18 Yeah, it's been good.

10:19 Adam Very suspicious, Drew. We hung up on the guy 10 minutes ago. DJ?

10:22 Yes, sir.

10:23 Adam Hey, 24, what's up?

10:25 Well, I'm involved with a girl, or I was involved with a girl that I met while I was at work several, I mean, that was almost a year ago. She and I got involved, she had another boyfriend that was living in a state where she had originally been born and raised and stuff like that. And he didn't know what was going on between her and I at the time, guilty conscience, whatever the situation was, she told him. So he basically gave her an ultimatum and left me out to dangle in the dust. I was kind of left out as you can't see him, you can't talk to him or anything like that.

11:03 Adam Hold on a second. I'm just thinking like this is a game shot, go pass.

11:06 Drew Yeah. Go to the next question. Next question. Pass. Well, I said it was two sentences, that is the worst story telling I've ever heard.

11:13 Adam I didn't know what he was saying. I looked down.

11:16 Christopher Titus Two people that actually had no grasp of the English language, frankly.

11:18 Adam I didn't know what he was saying. I looked down at Christopher's bio and I was reading he had a half pipe in his backyard and I looked back up again and I didn't know where I was. Where were we? What happened?

11:29 Drew He threw in so much detail that was motivated from a place that he expected us a priori to understand, details about how he was left out in the cold and about guilt and about what was motivating the various players here that were irrelevant to us. We just needed to know the facts, just what is the history here.

11:45 Adam So what do you want to do?

11:47 Drew Do you want to try to resurrect this?

11:48 Christopher Titus If you can clarify the question.

11:50 Drew Let's give him two sentences, one for history, one for question.

11:53 Adam I wasn't listening. Let's condense and clarify.

11:56 Christopher Titus Media class right now. Get that idea clear.

11:58 Drew This is what media training is about.

11:59 Christopher Titus Media training is about.

12:01 Drew Clarify the message.

12:02 She and I have recently started talking again.

12:06 Drew Let me make sure I got the history straight. You dated a girl who had a boyfriend. She told him about whatever. This is the whatever part.

12:13 Adam All right. Here's where you're getting the low marks here.

12:17 Drew He found out. She told him. He said make a choice. She chose him. Right. That's all we needed to know, okay?

12:24 Adam All right.

12:24 Drew Where they were living, what their zip code was, all that stuff. I know it's important to you. Not important to us.

12:28 Adam Okay. My bad. So now that's fine. So now she chose him.

12:33 Well, and then they broke up.

12:36 Drew Okay. How long have they been broken up?

12:39 Several months now, about two months.

12:40 Drew So it would be kind of natural that you guys might get back together. Maybe this is a chance for this relationship.

12:45 Well, and see, that's the thing is after having discussed it, she wants to kind of play the friend's angle.

12:51 Drew Well, listen, you've been playing the friend angle, right?

12:55 Well, yeah.

12:56 But my problem is, is I want more to happen.

12:59 Drew I understand, but you've been waiting patiently as the friend waiting for this moment to pounce and here you are.

13:05 Adam She's not really interested in DJ.

13:07 Drew She may not be interested and or there is a slight chance that she is just not ready because she just come out of a relationship that she had good intention.

13:15 Adam No, no, no. She had a shot at him a while back. She chose another guy instead. Then they broke up. She was in a bad place. She thought about it for a heartbeat. When she's just not that interested in DJ. So DJ.

13:30 Yes, sir.

13:30 Adam Here's basically what you're doing and it works sometimes. I know Christopher loves cars, so I'll work that angle.

13:39 Caller Thank you.

13:39 Adam Sometimes a car rolls off the showroom out of the factory that you're really in love with. You just can't afford it. So you got to wait for it to put on a few miles, get a little rust, maybe go from one owner to the next owner to the next owner, and then eventually you slide in because you can get a good deal on it because it's got a couple of things in it. It's got a few miles on it. That's right. Now, what happens is she came out of the factory. He was in to her, went to the first owner, still didn't drop enough. The blue book was still a little too high.

14:09 Drew He needs another owner.

14:10 Adam This guy only had her for a year and a half, only put a few miles on her, and she still got pretty good resale value. Not low enough for DJ yet.

14:17 Drew I see.

14:18 Adam She can go to a few more owners. Hopefully, she gets pregnant or something or loses a limb somewhere in there. Yeah, that's like being totaled out or being driven into a lake or something.

14:28 Drew That's right.

14:28 Christopher Titus She'll pick the wrong guy, get some sort of deformity, bam, boom, she's right in your league.

14:32 Drew But that's what you're saying.

14:33 Adam I got it. I get what you're saying. That's what I'm saying. She loses a limb to tuberculosis or something. All of a sudden, the price is right.

14:40 Drew This is another corollary to your numbers theory.

14:43 Adam Yeah.

14:43 Drew It's another way of looking at it.

14:44 Adam She's 22, 23, probably cute, riding high. We've all done this. I know Drew doesn't like talking about this on the air, but we have all, as a guy, it's one of the greatest things you can do, especially as you go on in your career, if you make a few more bucks and you get a few nice toys and things like that, you will eventually run into some chick that you were hot for just out of high school or maybe in high school, or in my case, up until I was like 29 and a half, because I still was living with a bunch of roommates and doing nothing. They didn't give you the time of day, but now you see them six, seven, eight years later, things are going a little better for you. They got a couple miles on them and the worm has turned. Do you see what I'm saying?

15:26 Christopher Titus You want a great story about this?

15:27 Adam Yeah.

15:27 Christopher Titus I had a girl that I dated. Her father took me aside once and said, you're going to be a stand-up comic. Two percent of people in show business make it. You're done. You can't see my daughter anymore. Boom, she broke up with me. I get a letter at my office at the studio.

15:38 Drew When was this?

15:39 Christopher Titus Like three weeks ago. Basically from her friends. Yeah, Lynn would like to talk to you. Maybe be on your show. Maybe you could like. I was like, yeah. I showed my wife. I was like, ah, there is a joy. I got to admit, there is a joy.

15:50 Drew Give us more detail. What did her dad do?

15:52 Christopher Titus Her dad owned a company, like a coffee machine company and he was a big shot guy and he said, I was stupid. He goes, you're throwing your life away. I thought about that when I was driving my Viper.

16:03 Adam Hello.

16:05 Drew You want to go to the next level, the one that Adam does, go tell him to kiss your ass.

16:08 Christopher Titus Oh, yeah.

16:10 Adam You get drunk and start yelling for everyone to kiss your ass and pounding your fist on a console. It's great. It's a great feeling. Once in a while, what happens is, when they're on the way down and you're on the way up, you cross. And you can date for a while, as long as you're crossing. But if you let too much time go by and they're too low, or they're still too high and you're too low, however it goes, it's not going to work. I would bet you, DJ, all you can do right now is work on your own ass.

16:38 Drew Forget about her. It really isn't the economic theory of human relations, is it?

16:41 Adam Yeah, supply and demand.

16:43 Christopher Titus Some sit-ups will help.

16:44 Adam Yeah, a couple of sit-ups and a good gig.

16:46 Christopher Titus DJ, the reality is, blow her off, man. A lot of chicks want to hold on to that one guy. My brother just had this happen for a year. It took him 14 months to get over this girl. And basically what she's doing right now, man, she's hanging on to you because she knows that whatever guy dicks her over, she can go right to you and you can pick up the pieces and you can smooth the rough edges and then she's going to go, oh, we're just friends. She's going to move on, man. Blow her off, get a little bit in your price range, get some finance and do what you can.

17:10 Adam You become like some sort of mash unit. You put them back together, give them a few days rest, get some plasma in them and then send them back out again.

17:17 Christopher Titus Exactly.

17:18 Adam All right. Let's talk to Casey, who's 17. Casey?

17:21 Caller Hey, how we going?

17:22 Adam Good. How you doing?

17:23 Caller I'm all right. How are you?

17:24 Adam Good.

17:24 Caller That's good. Okay. I'm just going to give you the facts, okay? All right. Today, my girlfriend and I, for the first time we had sex, I wore a condom and we didn't go all the way because she said it was too sore for it, so I quit. I'm not certain if I came or not.

17:40 Drew I'm not sure how I'm going to do it. But wait a second.

17:43 Adam That's certain.

17:43 Drew You had a condom on.

17:45 Caller I had a condom on.

17:46 Drew And when males have a condom on, a receptacle there, there is usually evidence of a gene.

17:51 Caller Confetti. At the end, I knew it was there, but during the whole thing, I couldn't tell.

17:56 Adam You weren't sure if there was something coming out of you.

17:58 Drew When you were inside.

17:59 Caller Right.

17:59 Adam Okay.

18:00 Caller Okay.

18:01 Adam Yeah.

18:02 Caller And so I'm just wondering, what are the chances of her getting pregnant?

18:05 Adam Well you had the condom on, right?

18:06 Caller Yeah.

18:07 Drew Zero.

18:07 Adam So about 50%. No, it was there. You had the condom on.

18:11 Drew Condom worked. Condom didn't fail.

18:13 Caller Okay.

18:13 Drew Condoms break or come off. That's how they fail.

18:15 Caller Okay.

18:16 Christopher Titus Yeah. The whole point of the condom is to retain the sperm so they don't get pregnant. Christopher makes a very good point. Is that on the package?

18:22 Adam Should be.

18:23 Drew He's an idiot.

18:24 Caller He should be, but it's not.

18:25 Drew Oh, I see.

18:26 Adam It should be.

18:26 Drew You need that extra description of where the sperm goes.

18:28 Christopher Titus It just seems odd that you would find some sexual aid that actually took the feeling away and put that on. It does stop pregnancy. Right. Right.

18:35 Adam It's not for me.

18:36 Christopher Titus Am I jumping at Dr. Drew?

18:37 Adam Well, I'm not saying you're wrong, but for me, I like the extra width I get out of it. I get about 25, 30% more width out of my penis.

18:45 Christopher Titus If you double, triple them up, you get a lot more longer. You can go longer.

18:47 Adam Well, what I'll do is I'll take the extra three, four inches at the end and double it back over, like some guys wear their socks.

18:53 Drew Why don't you discuss a little bit, too, the guys that don't like to wear condoms or who lose erection with condom, what your solution is.

18:59 Adam Boy, kill yourself.

19:00 Drew After that.

19:01 Adam Before that. Oh, yeah. You mean to practice?

19:03 Drew Yeah.

19:04 Adam Put it on. I know this sounds retarded. Like many of my ideas such as the venereal sniffing dogs and things like that all sound retarded. But this one, I think, makes sense. If you have difficulty getting a condom on and you have trouble in that little interim between the time it's time to put the condom on, the time you're going to have sex and a lot of guys lose it in that period and they're not used to it. I mean, if you think about most squirrely 17-year-olds, you put a condom on twice a year. You've got a couple of Mickey's Big Mouths in you. The only thing going in the room is like a strobe light and your focus is all off. You need to grab a handful of condoms in practice, putting them on alone. I know it sounds ridiculous, but why not? You can get a handful of them at the Planned Parenthood or wherever you go. Probably the, I think, like video stores. Every place has them. Just grab a handful in the fish bowl on the way out and burn a few of them when you're alone.

19:59 Christopher Titus And also do scenarios, too, because pretend you're at your buddy's house at a party and his parents could be home at any moment. You got to have this mental scenarios on top of it. There you go, a little bit of stress. Practice condoms. That's good.

20:09 Drew Earthquakes, things like that would be very useful.

20:11 Christopher Titus Think of it as screwing special forces.

20:13 Adam Something like that.

20:14 Christopher Titus You become like a Navy Seal under any pressure, boom, you get it done.

20:16 Adam That's a good point. You get one of your buddies stand outside the door and start banging on it.

20:20 Drew I see a new product here, the Delta Condom, Delta Force, with the bullseye on the packet.

20:27 Adam You do a whole training thing. You get to the point where you can hear a shotgun pump and still squeeze one off.

20:34 Christopher Titus Still pump basically.

20:35 Adam Yeah.

20:36 Christopher Titus That's the ad campaign frankly.

20:41 Adam It is true because these guys are fumbling around, they're all distracted, they're freaked out. You just get your penis used to that condom and it kind of takes a little figure out sometimes.

20:50 Christopher Titus It would also make you look a lot cooler to the woman guys. Although Adam is joking and very funny, Adam, may I add?

20:55 Adam Oh, thanks.

20:56 Christopher Titus But if you also got-

20:57 Drew But you need a brain vacation.

20:59 Christopher Titus If you got smooth with it, if you got smooth with it, that would impress chicks too.

21:03 Adam Right.

21:04 Christopher Titus There you go.

21:04 Adam Right.

21:05 Drew Well, the idea is not to break the record.

21:06 Christopher Titus My wife laughed a lot at the beginning. At the beginning, we've been together 15 years now, at the beginning she was like, what are you doing? Give me that and she'd handle it. Right. I didn't think any further than that.

21:14 Adam No, it's true when it's dark too.

21:16 Drew Did you lose your erection right at that point when she laughed at you?

21:18 Christopher Titus No, I know.

21:20 Drew He was just happy just having sex.

21:21 Christopher Titus Exactly.

21:21 Adam Plus, he's a comedian.

21:22 Christopher Titus I had a beautiful woman playing with my private areas, and I don't lose erections at that point.

21:28 Adam He appreciates a laugh. Joel? Hey, what's up? You're 32. Adam, you're a god.

21:33 Drew Hi, Adam and Drew.

21:34 Adam Thank you.

21:35 You really are.

21:36 Adam What's up?

21:39 Caller I tried to call in last night, but I didn't get through. You guys were talking about how long you wait when a girl tells you, she'll give you a certain thing at a certain point.

21:47 Drew Oh, yeah.

21:47 Caller Yeah.

21:48 Drew Remember this?

21:48 Adam Yeah, someone was calling in last night saying they promised a BJ to their boyfriend at the nine-month mark of the relationship. I would involve myself in another relationship for eight and a half months and then come back.

22:02 Drew And there's another girl that said she waited three months. Remember that?

22:04 Caller Right. And I don't know if this is the game that they come up with, but I got this girlfriend who everything is good about her, except she doesn't lubricate well and she won't let me go down on her.

22:18 Adam Does she have a zert fitting? Yeah, some sort of. Little car humor for Christopher over there.

22:25 Caller Brass is out of chrome, yeah.

22:27 Adam So she doesn't lubricate well and what else?

22:29 Caller And she won't let me go down on her.

22:31 Drew Let's get into this after the break.

22:33 Caller And she put off the Christmas thing to this. She said, oh, at Christmas time.

22:36 Drew You'll be able to actually have oral sex with her.

22:38 Adam How old is she?

22:39 Caller She's 34.

22:41 Wow.

22:42 Adam Hold on.

22:42 Drew Let's examine this. This needs some dissection.

22:44 Adam Hold on a second, Joel. This may not be good, by the way, so just. I see someone who's been victimized here.

22:53 Drew It's either that, yeah, it's some-

22:56 Adam Someone who's been burned, for sure.

22:57 Drew Little energy, but it may be someone who does care and wants to take it systematically, wants to make sure the relationship's going.

23:03 Adam 34-year-old women do not stop guys from going down on them. They could be at Wimbledon. They would let a guy go down on them.

23:11 Drew We need some dissection.

23:12 Adam Okay. Christopher Titus is our guest. Titus. I was trying to think of a well-lit, regal place. Well-lit level surface. Yeah. Titus on Wednesday nights, 9.30 on Fox. We'll take a little break and we'll be right back.

23:32 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

24:02 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Who's that? Uva-Snank? Is that them? Yeah, that's right. That's right. It's my theme. I forgot who sung my theme song. Christopher Titus is our guest tonight from Titus. Morning. 930 Wednesday nights on Fox. And Drew, why do you keep calling here?

24:26 Drew We were talking to Joel.

24:27 Adam Right.

24:28 Drew Girlfriend, 34. He's 32.

24:30 Adam Right.

24:31 Drew She was waiting until Christmas before further action.

24:34 Adam Right. Oh, there they were. Yeah. I'm all lost here. Joel?

24:37 Drew No kidding.

24:38 Adam So yeah, 34. How long have you been with her?

24:41 Caller Five months.

24:42 Adam And in that five months, you have not gone down on her?

24:45 Caller I've tried and she says, no, no, no. She can't do it.

24:48 Drew That's too intimate.

24:50 Caller Yeah. But I mean, everything else is like wide open with her. Right.

24:53 Drew But some women have certain things that are especially intimate to them.

24:57 Adam What's up with her? Does she have any kids? Was she married?

25:00 Caller Yes. And yes.

25:01 Adam Screwed over?

25:02 Caller She has like a history of, you know, she was molested.

25:09 Drew No, he called it. Adam called it.

25:10 Adam Did you? Sorry.

25:12 Christopher Titus To change the score she taught.

25:14 Adam No. When people hear factual information come from the show, they attribute it to Drew immediately. But a 34 year old woman who doesn't want to be gone down upon.

25:24 Drew Yeah. It easily reflects.

25:26 Adam So there's issues there. Is she working on any of these things, Joel?

25:30 Caller Not really.

25:30 Adam All right.

25:31 Caller You know, like I say, everything else between us is really good.

25:35 Drew He gets the sex. He's not concerned with her emotional health. No. Everything is fine.

25:39 Caller Everything else about her I'm really happy with and we get along.

25:43 Adam Right. But I mean, someone who was molested like she was, right? Did her dad do this?

25:50 Caller No. It was a friend of the family.

25:52 Adam A friend of the family. This is a close friend of the family, I'm sure.

25:57 Drew Uncle. Uncle somebody.

25:58 Adam And this kind of thing is, this leaves scars that go on. They don't go away unless you work on them. And if she's not going to work on them and you as her partner, you're going to be in for a tough road to hoe with this woman. Right. So you can, and you got two choices. I mean, if you think you're going to be in for the long haul and sort of become a father figure to the kids and all that kind of stuff, you got to encourage her to get a little help.

26:23 Drew Yep. I agree. And don't worry about these specific sexual acts you're engaged in.

26:28 Adam How old are the kids?

26:30 Caller Thirteen and fourteen.

26:31 Drew How are they doing?

26:32 Caller They're good. I mean, well adjusted.

26:35 Adam And what's up with you? Have you ever been married?

26:37 Caller No.

26:38 Adam No kids yourself?

26:39 Caller No.

26:40 Adam You sure this project may be a little big for you?

26:44 Caller Yeah, you know, I thought that going in but then things kind of went good real quick, you know?

26:49 Drew He's five months in. So he's not a newcomer to this.

26:52 Caller All right.

26:53 Christopher Titus My question is, is that have you talked to her about this at all? Is it because of the molestation that she's not let you do this?

26:59 Caller I don't know. She just kind of, she kind of blows it off when we kind of go that, when I, you know, start that and then, you know, I mean, you know, that's usually in the heat of passion and everything else heats up after that, you know.

27:11 Adam Yeah. You don't really want to know though.

27:14 Drew It might interrupt the sex he is getting, so.

27:17 Adam Right.

27:17 Christopher Titus So you're fine after she grabs your head and throws you off the bed and then you go back to whatever you can get away with. Is that what you're saying?

27:23 Adam Yeah. Well, let me tell you how I treat oral sex with a woman. I treat the same way I treat a check when I go out to eat with a few guys, which is I reach for it and if somebody says, no, I got it, I go, it's all yours, buddy. Now, start blowing. Yeah, but I'll make that first move, but I'm not going to fight the guy over the $45 check, let him pick it up, but you should make the move. I think a lot of guys will do this. They'll go, you want some of this? No, thanks. All right, fine. We'll get back to humping.

27:53 Christopher Titus But now you're actually emotionally involved and you're actually concerned about it a little bit.

27:55 Adam Yeah.

27:56 Christopher Titus I'm not going to have dinner with you, Adam.

27:58 Adam Well, I'll make that first move. All you got to do is not move. There you go.

28:02 Drew Then he complains like a son of a bitch.

28:04 Adam It's the same way at the four-way stop sign, which is I'll give the guy the go ahead and if he gives me the go ahead, I'm gone. I don't get into that bidding war with the guy. No, you go. No, you go. Then you both inch out and stop.

28:18 Christopher Titus Well, then you get mad. Then it's like, we'll get out and then you want to fight the guy.

28:20 Adam Yeah.

28:21 Christopher Titus You told me to go.

28:22 Adam Courteous son of a bitch. I'll kick your ass.

28:24 Christopher Titus There you go.

28:25 Adam Heather.

28:26 Hi.

28:27 Adam Hey, you're 28. What's up?

28:29 I was just wondering if Dr. Drew had heard anything about drug use affecting, having birth, causing birth defects in genital, in like little boy's genitals.

28:41 Drew Well, something called ambiguous genitalia is not an uncommon thing in birth defects.

28:46 Actually, my sister has two little boys and both of them have been born with defects. The first son, and I know this isn't terribly uncommon, his testicles were not descended, but what they were actually concerned with was his, I think his pituitary gland does not function correctly. His penis was extremely, extremely small, and he's on growth hormone because apparently he wouldn't necessarily grow at the normal rate. And you think, okay, that must be a fluke and what have you, but then she just had another son in August, and his penis seemed normal size, but I don't have any little boys, so I really don't know, but it did seem normal size.

29:38 Adam But the texture was a little off?

29:40 No, no, no. That where the, the pee does not come out the top part.

29:44 Adam It had an acidic taste?

29:46 Drew Yeah.

29:47 The pee comes off another director.

29:49 Drew Alright, so he's got a phimosis. So, non-descent testes and phimosis are probably the two most common disorders that young boys get, and they could easily be random. I mean, those are extremely common amongst the genital abnormalities in males.

30:05 Adam You think, you don't think it's a drug related? My mom did, she was hooked on something called small c*** when I was, you know.

30:16 Drew I thought it was cock no more.

30:18 Adam When she was pregnant with me. Well, I'm not allowed to say that.

30:22 Drew Penis no more.

30:23 Caller Alright, sorry.

30:25 Adam Hey Heather?

30:26 Yes.

30:26 Adam You know a lot about your nephew's penis.

30:30 Well, I have babysat them, but I really don't.

30:32 Drew Really?

30:33 But just discussing it with my sister.

30:35 Drew Well, here's the deal.

30:36 Caller Somebody mentioned it the other day, like that that might be related to drugs.

30:39 Caller What drugs?

30:40 Drew What was she doing? What drugs?

30:42 Caller No, she doesn't do any drugs at all. In fact, she's adamantly against drugs.

30:46 Drew So what are you referring to then? Will you open up the conversation?

30:48 Caller Oh, no, no, no. I meant that we just, obviously she's concerned because she feels like her sons are going to have a lesser quality life, that they might not be able to find.

30:56 Drew The phimosis is going to be a zero. That's going to be nothing. The non-descended testes, they're going to have to bring them down, and they're going to have to be supplemented if he has some damage of the testes. The pituitary thing that you're talking about is interesting, but that's the thing that's the major thing here. I don't know what that is.

31:11 Adam All right, Heather.

31:13 Drew But why did you bring up drugs?

31:14 Adam You know what this is like? This is like saying I'm worried about the social implications of a mulatto child being brought up in this world, and what the school board and the kids would say when the mixed couples showed up, and it's like, oh, is your family? No, no, no.

31:35 Christopher Titus I live in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. It's all white guys, everybody.

31:37 Adam Just writing a paper. Where did the drug stuff come in?

31:41 Drew I thought I wanted to-

31:42 Adam All right, Heather.

31:43 Caller Am I back on?

31:44 Adam Yeah. Where did the drug stuff come in?

31:45 Drew Why did you bring up drugs?

31:46 Caller Oh, somebody said something a few weeks ago like, well, does her husband do drugs? Because they had heard that there was a medical study indicating a link, and I blew it off, and I was like, no, no, not at all.

31:59 Drew Does he do drugs?

32:01 Caller No, he doesn't.

32:02 But then I remember my brother.

32:04 Drew How do you do this every week?

32:06 Adam Hold on, is this the Green Acres we're in?

32:08 Caller I've never done drugs, and I'm a little naive to the fact that anybody would.

32:13 Adam He could have done drugs.

32:14 Caller But he may, because you start recalling things later, it's like, well, wait a minute, he was talking about one of his really good friends from work and how they do drugs, and then I remember my brother saying years ago that he knew that at one point my brother-in-law did do drugs.

32:32 Adam All right.

32:33 Caller So I was just wondering. But I do actually have another question.

32:36 Adam No, no, Heather. No, you can't. We spent too much time talking about drug addicts. It never were. You squandered that.

32:42 Caller No, no, no, no, no. I don't want to talk about drugs. I want to ask another question.

32:45 Drew All right. Go.

32:47 Caller Okay. I was at the grocery store with my husband the other day, and he was putting our baby on the carousel. And he highly respects Adam and his opinion to this. And I asked him to please stop putting the baby on the carousel because it is a safety issue.

33:02 Adam At the supermarket?

33:03 Caller Yes. And two, that I feel like if you allow a child to continue doing a behavior, you're showing them it's okay. Then when they're four or five and they're crawling up there and you're mad at them and going, what the hell are you thinking?

33:15 Drew What's a carousel?

33:16 Caller Crawling up there.

33:17 Drew What's a carousel?

33:18 Caller You know, where the conveyor belt...

33:19 Adam It's a Heather's or Rubik's Cube.

33:21 Christopher Titus You know something? I got a half-pipe in my backyard.

33:23 Caller And I said, well, I don't... He said that I need to lighten up and I said, you know, I don't think that you should... What's a carousel?

33:28 Christopher Titus The thing at the supermarket that takes the food down to the...

33:30 Adam The conveyor?

33:31 Christopher Titus The conveyor belt thing?

33:32 Caller Yes, he's putting the kid on it and letting the kid light up.

33:34 Adam All right, that's a conveyor belt. The carousel's at the airport.

33:36 Caller Okay, I'm sorry. Conveyor belt. Putting the baby on the conveyor belt.

33:40 Adam Right.

33:40 Caller Rolls up there. As she gets closer, he picks her up, puts her back. I said, I don't think that's very safe for one. Secondly, I think it's teaching a child that it's okay to misbehave like that in public. Then when they get older, you're going to scold them for doing exactly the same.

33:56 Drew This is an important question. Has your child been potty trained yet?

33:59 Caller I'm sorry, what is that?

34:00 Drew Has your child been potty trained yet?

34:01 Caller No.

34:02 Drew Okay, you're going to have to really lay off when the potty training comes around, okay?

34:06 Adam Really? Why?

34:07 Drew Because she's going to be convinced that this child is going to be pooing in his pants when he's 16. She's going to insist that he get his potty training out of control now. I mean, his cousin puts her on a conveyor belt and lets her goof around. That is not a volitional behavior prior to the child towards some evil doing.

34:22 Adam Well, listen, the conveyor belt misconduct is going to pale in comparison to the kid's goth and the eating disorder life.

34:30 Drew That's right. That's why I'm telling her about the potty training.

34:32 Christopher Titus And the die mom die written in a room in her own blood. That's me. Lighten up, mom.

34:37 Drew She needs to lighten up. Lighten up.

34:39 Adam Yeah. He is throwing. He put the child on his shoulders the other day.

34:45 Christopher Titus No.

34:45 Adam Sending a message to the child that it's okay to ride upon adults as a form of transportation.

34:51 Christopher Titus She's just going to be jumping on adults.

34:52 Caller She's just jumping on people's shoulders.

34:53 Christopher Titus How are you going to control the kid like that?

34:54 Adam Yeah. Jumping on strangers yelling, mosh. Thinking that that is a reliable form of transportation. Hitting her head on door jams. Lighten up, baby. All the drugs in the conveyor belts. Carousel. Rich?

35:12 Yes.

35:12 Adam Hey, you're 30. What's going on?

35:14 Hey, yeah. I had a question for Dr. Drew, actually. I have to take a drug test. Last weekend, I did several different drugs.

35:25 Drew Last weekend?

35:26 Last weekend, as in a couple of days ago.

35:27 Drew Okay. When is the drug test?

35:29 In about a month.

35:30 Drew Oh, pfft.

35:31 Adam You're fine.

35:31 Drew Whatever they are, forget them.

35:32 Adam Well, he wants to know when he has to stop, isn't that?

35:35 Caller My question was, I've been smoking pot for probably about the last five years, kind of on a daily basis.

35:41 Drew That needs to stop now.

35:42 Right.

35:43 Adam What are you going for?

35:45 A urine test.

35:46 Drew No, what's the job?

35:47 Caller What's the job?

35:48 Adam See, this is, by the way, you know, when people go, I swear the pot doesn't affect me.

35:52 Christopher Titus Don't take the written or the interview. Take the test.

35:55 Adam All right. So what's the job you're trying to secure?

35:58 It's for a driving job.

36:00 Caller Oh.

36:01 Adam What kind of driving?

36:02 A library.

36:05 Drew Library.

36:05 Caller These are the guys that drive.

36:06 Adam Oh, the limo driver?

36:08 Christopher Titus Yeah.

36:08 All right.

36:09 Christopher Titus I picked you up in a town car, kind of stalled out of his mind, got the job, then he started again.

36:12 Drew You smoke until the day before you take the test.

36:14 Christopher Titus Yeah, there you go. That's what I say. I say smoke to the day. You know why? It'll meld you out. You'll do better on the test.

36:19 Adam Right. You'll be able to focus.

36:21 Christopher Titus That's what I'm saying.

36:21 Adam You're at your best when you're baked, Rich. No, Rich, listen. Here's the deal, Rich. You sound like an intelligent guy.

36:28 Drew But you're a marijuana addict.

36:29 Adam But yet, you're 30 years old and you're trying to get a gig driving a town car. Do you know what I mean? That means life is probably not worked out according to plan.

36:38 Caller We're opening up our own business, so that's the deal there.

36:41 Adam Listen, if you're running your own business-

36:43 Drew You aren't doing drug testing.

36:44 Adam You're worried about passing a drug test.

36:47 Christopher Titus That's a guy who smokes a lot of pot. That's opening up his own business and going to drug test himself.

36:50 Drew That's marijuana addiction. What Adam is trying to get you to do is motivate you to deal with that first.

36:55 Adam Rich, this will be a good time for you to back off on the weed.

36:58 Caller Exactly. I'm using this as an opportunity.

37:01 Adam Good. Fine. Do that. Go to MA and get off the weed, and then you'll take your test in two months and everything will come out great, and you'll have a wonderful life driving around horrible people to the airport. Owning your own business. All right. We will take ourselves a little break. Christopher Titus is our guest tonight from Titus on Fox, Wednesday nights, 9.30 and we'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Christopher Titus is our guest tonight. He stars in the show with his own name, which you know you've arrived. Big billboard up, I see, in Studio City.

38:24 Drew That's better than being on someone's tennis shoes.

38:27 Adam Yeah, yeah, it's better than having your name written on tennis shoes. 9.30, Wednesday night on Fox, and I like Chris because you stomp me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing you're one of these guys, you wanted money and wanted to make some money, not so you could get laid or do a bunch of blow but so you could buy cars.

38:44 Christopher Titus That's right, buy hot cars and actually get my drag racing license. I actually raced at the World Finals come last weekend. I had to race the DJ, you know, like me on the track, like with the top fuelers, I got some friends that actually race top fuelers, so I raced Super Compu, 175 mile an hour dragster, but I raced the DJ. So we were like the wheelie car, you know, the drag races have the wheelie car, the guy that jumps something while they're waiting for the big rounds to happen. I was like the wheelie car guy. Christopher Titus and Big Joe Benson.

39:08 Drew You're actually in a dragster.

39:08 Adam Uncle Joe.

39:09 Christopher Titus Uncle Joe Benson, man, smoked them, stomped them.

39:11 Drew You're in a dragster and not in a funny car.

39:13 Christopher Titus Yeah, I got a license. I actually have an NHL. I have an NHL competition license signed by Shirley Moldowney and Don Garlett.

39:18 Adam Oh my God. Shirley Cha Cha Moldowney, Big Daddy Don Garlett. Some go, some blow. I miss drag racing and I miss the commercials where they go, they'll all be there. The Texan, Billy McEwen, TV Tommy Ivo, Shirley Cha Cha Moldowney. Big Daddy says he's taken that trophy on this year.

39:41 Shirley's got other ideas.

39:42 Drew The Snake, Don Perdo.

39:43 Adam The Snake on. And then some crazy wheeling Pope Mobile.

39:48 Christopher Titus Exactly.

39:53 That's right.

39:54 Christopher Titus He won't even lose his hat, hat, hat, hat.

39:56 Adam Wheel pounding, ground, stop and action. He'll blow your socks off. Yeah, and qualification during the day. Eliminations under the lights. And it really gets good when they start weaving in the other stuff. Pop a do-run-run on the infield singing all your favorites.

40:12 Christopher Titus Nah, nah, nah. They're 80 and they still rock.

40:14 Adam English leather girls will be there, fellas, signing autographs when they get there early. Fox night, too. Come on down. Fox is free. I always wanted that job of the guy who would like, okay, Fox, Fox, Fox, ugly ho. Sorry. No, you're not. Honey, when's the last time you looked at the man? You're not a Fox. You're paying full price.

40:37 Christopher Titus Now, the reality is that you just ripped on basic sport I love, but it's great. Tony Schumacher is a friend of mine. He's actually went 333 miles an hour is now the record in a quarter mile. These guys are amazing. What they have to do is pretty amazing.

40:48 Adam I'll tell you, I was down at the winner, no, Summer Nationals last year, this year, yeah, in Pomona. Just going through the pits, they're going to close those things down eventually because they're just blowing nitro everywhere and it's deafening and it's crazy. But here's the thing. Here's what I always say about drag racing that freaks people out. You picture the most exotic car you can imagine, whether it's a Viper, whether it's a twin turbo Porsche, whether it's a Ferrari 360, whatever, the most exotic $200,000, $300,000 super car that is on the road. And you gas it up and dump that clutch and use the Formula 1 style paddle shifter on the wheel and you'll do 0-60 in 4 seconds if it's amongst the super exotic. In that same time period, the dragster is going $300,000.

41:46 Christopher Titus In top fuel, yeah, in 20 car, too.

41:47 Adam That is freakish because it's not like the twin-turbo Porsche is a dog. Yeah, right. Do you know what I mean? I mean, in the time that it takes the twin-turbo Porsche to get up to 72 miles an hour from standing still, the dragster is going $320,000. That's crazy because $100,000 would be hairy. $200,000 would be amazing because if you sat in the passenger seat of a Porsche while the guy revved the clutch and dumped it and laid rubber to 70 miles an hour, you'd say, geez, that's a thrill ride. But to be up over $300,000 in that same time period is mind-boggling.

42:25 Christopher Titus That's just great about our country. No one ever invaded our country because we build that kind of stuff for fun. Piss us off and see what we build. We'll build a car that goes zero to $300,000 like that. Make us mad.

42:36 Adam You want to know, make us mad. Go down and watch one of these specials on the Salt Flats. These guys are like...

42:43 Drew Air shows.

42:44 Adam These Salt Flat guys are like, well, we took a three-wheel Harley. It was a trike. It was three-wheel. Then we took two blown Big Block Mopars in there. We're trying to get the record for rear-end driven. It's $435,000 is the record. We're going to see if we can get up to $450,000. These guys have got helicopter engines, turbine engines and stuff in there.

43:08 Christopher Titus But Leno's got a bike with a helicopter engine in it. Leno's got a bike with a helicopter engine. He told me that he was pulling up in front of a guy at a stoplight. It's a helicopter. It's like an old Vietnam helicopter turbine. He melted the guy's bumper behind him, in your view, because the guy pulled up real close. The exhaust, 1200 degrees in the exhaust, started melting the bumper on the guy's car, and Leno just took off. That doesn't look good. I'm going, yeah.

43:31 Adam I've done that, but only with my own gas, never with an actual vehicle.

43:35 Drew That was me.

43:35 Adam I was melting.

43:36 Drew My soul was melting.

43:37 Adam The frames on Drew's glasses came apart.

43:39 Christopher Titus Supposedly, there was a guy at Bonneville that actually bought a surplus rocket engine, bolted it to a station wagon, I don't know if it's an urban legend, and actually went across the stoplight. It's not what they were supposed to be, like in midsummer. The rocket just keeps going. He has no control over it. They lit it off. The guy drove the car, and he had a mountain, eventually. He disintegrated them.

43:59 Drew Well, it's interesting we're talking about automobiles. Jay.

44:03 Hello.

44:03 Drew Hi, Jay. What's up?

44:05 My name is Jack, not Jay.

44:06 Drew Hi, Jack. What's going on?

44:07 Yeah, Saturday night, three of my friends died. The three girls, the 14-year-old girls, that were in the back of that car.

44:15 Adam Hey, Jack, can you turn your radio down?

44:18 My radio is in my bedroom.

44:21 Drew Well, we're hearing it blaring in the background.

44:23 All right, hold on.

44:25 Adam I'm going to save the normal Jackass stuff because of what went on with his three friends. Jack?

44:33 Hello?

44:33 Adam Yeah, right there?

44:34 Yeah.

44:35 Adam All right, so how old are you? And three people died in a car crash?

44:40 Yeah, Saturday night.

44:42 Adam What happened?

44:43 Well, they left with this guy named Mike. He's on trial right now for two counts of rape. And he says that he got knocked out and somebody took the keys to his car and killed the people that were in the car. But that's just a bunch of bulls.

44:59 Drew So it wasn't even a car accident, some kind of murder?

45:01 Yeah, they were doing like 115 on 7th Standard Road and hit the dirt shoulder.

45:06 Drew So there was a car accident.

45:07 And lost control of the car and ran into a telephone pole or something like that. And the telephone pole trapped everybody but the driver.

45:14 Adam Is that like Chatsworth or Simi Valley?

45:19 7th Standard is in Oilville.

45:21 Drew In where?

45:22 Oilville, I'm pretty sure.

45:24 Adam Didn't you say Santa Susanna Road?

45:26 No, 7th Standard.

45:27 Drew 7th Standard.

45:28 Adam Oh, okay.

45:29 Drew What state are you calling from?

45:30 Oilville.

45:31 Drew What state are you calling from?

45:32 California.

45:33 Adam All right. So what do you need?

45:35 Well, everybody that I know listens to you guys' radio, Loveline and stuff. So I was just letting them know that there's a car wash for the girls that died on the corner of Roberts Lane and Airport Drive.

45:50 Drew What are you going to raise the money for?

45:52 Their funerals.

45:53 Adam What?

45:53 Drew They need money raising their funerals?

45:54 Adam What city is that?

45:56 It's Bakersfield.

45:57 Drew Bakersfield.

45:58 Caller Oh, okay.

45:59 Adam All right. So, please, Ange, I'm not going to make fun of Bakersfield during their time of need. This is going to take place where? What time?

46:07 Airport Drive and Roberts Lane at the Yum Yum Donuts.

46:10 Drew What time? What day?

46:12 I don't know yet.

46:14 Drew Oh, Jack.

46:14 They just died yesterday. They said they were holding a car wash either tomorrow or the day after.

46:21 Drew So, what would you call Yum Yum's to find out?

46:23 I haven't yet. My friend's supposed to be doing that.

46:25 Adam All right. Listen, Jack, we want to help, but you got to figure out what day it's going to be on before we tell everybody about it, right?

46:33 All right.

46:34 Adam Well, I mean, do you think it's going to be tomorrow?

46:36 It could be tomorrow or the day after.

46:38 Drew Why don't you do both? That way it raises more money for them.

46:41 Adam Yeah, do both days.

46:42 All right.

46:43 Adam Well, what time should people go by there?

46:46 Well, the girls are supposed to be going down there at like 8 o'clock and stay there until school is out.

46:51 Drew 8 in the morning?

46:52 Yeah.

46:53 Drew Okay.

46:53 Adam The girls who are going to be washing the cars?

46:55 Yeah.

46:56 Adam Okay.

46:56 Drew Okay.

46:57 Adam All right. Were these friends of yours?

46:58 Yeah.

46:59 Adam Okay. Well, I'm sorry for your loss, Jack. Give the cross street one more time in the city.

47:07 It's in Bakersfield, some Robert Slane Airport Drive at the Yemem Donuts. All right.

47:12 Adam All right. So you go down there and pay a few bucks, get your car washed and help pay for the girls' funeral, right?

47:19 Yeah.

47:19 Adam All right, buddy.

47:20 Drew I'm so sorry.

47:21 Adam Take care of yourself.

47:21 All right. Bye.

47:22 Adam All right. Anyway, about drag racing.

47:26 Christopher Titus So every town has a place. We actually lost Jim Kane, a good friend of mine. We lost him in high school. Same type of thing, man. Just got crazy on her. Actually, Jim actually was a good guy. Got out of the car on the freeway to help this lady and her two kids. I was hit by a drunk driver. But we actually went through so many. There's a place called Niles Canyon. Niles Canyon, where I grew up, was basically a place where you got drunk and you drove as fast as you could through there. Good times. My dad, here's my dad. My dad would actually cut out on Sunday. He'd cut out every article or the kids that he had. Three kids got killed and he'd cut and tape it to my bedroom door. So I'd get up on Sunday, hung over and open it. Now, the Grim Reaper's up. This is good. There'd be some story about my friends who'd get so common.

47:59 Drew It's awful.

47:59 Christopher Titus Yeah, it's invincible.

48:01 Adam All right, we'll take ourselves a little break. Christopher Titus is here, and I'll tell you about two friends of mine who burned up in a Pinto station wagon when they were 18, after this. He's actually angry. Hey, everybody, I'm Adam, that's Drew over there. Loveline's the show. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Christopher Titus is our guest tonight. Yeah. Titus on Wednesday nights, Fox 930. And who the hell is coming up on this show here?

49:24 Drew David Allen Grier.

49:25 Adam Oh, David Allen Grier. Funny man. That's right. Yeah, he is funny. And- And a nice guy, one of my only celebrity friends.

49:37 Drew He really is a dear, dear, dear friend of yours, isn't he?

49:41 Adam He's a dear, dear friend.

49:42 Caller Twinkie Hole, baby.

49:46 Adam Alex? Yeah. He does a great vomit sound effect.

49:54 Christopher Titus I heard that night. I was listening that night.

49:57 Adam I love to get him to vomit when he comes in here so well. Look forward to that coming up. Yeah. Who? Alex?

50:03 Yeah.

50:04 Adam What's up? 31.

50:05 Yeah. Living in Oregon. Got a question, concern. Dating this wonderful girl for several months now. Having a great time, great relationship, nothing crazy about it. We were hesitant at first about sex just because I think we both wanted to wait, but jumped in and out too much. It's fine with me. Time came for a deep conversation. Apparently from a monogamous relationship in her past she had a boyfriend that cheated on her. She had herpes.

50:39 Drew I like the way people with herpes have to qualify. It's not because they're screwing around. Right. It's a monogamous relationship.

50:45 It doesn't necessarily freak me out. We've had a good conversation about if, you know, we're gonna have sex and definitely gonna protect myself is obviously besides abstinence, condom is the best and is that obviously the only option?

50:59 Drew That she can go on medication to decrease the risk of viral shedding. You can make sure that if she has any symptoms at all, that you guys don't have contact.

51:06 Well, she's already on, yeah, she's Arctic style tracks and all that.

51:08 Drew So there you go. So she's fine.

51:10 Caller Don't worry.

51:10 Drew If you're gonna marry her, what's the big deal? Anyway, let's say you get herpes.

51:14 Caller Yeah, exactly.

51:14 That was my point. I'm not concerned about if we decide to get married, then that's not a concern. Obviously, that's the person I'm gonna be with. Right. I guess my concern also is risk with children. If she's pregnant at one point, is this something that passes on to the fetus or the child?

51:29 Drew No, not the fetus. But listen, herpes is a common condition. Have you ever heard of pregnancy disasters around herpes? No, you'd hear a lot more about that. If she has a big old outbreak around the time of delivery, they would probably do a C-section. There is some risk during delivery, but they've been seeing more and more that risk is substantially less than the last time.

51:48 Adam How long have you been with her?

51:49 It's been only about three months.

51:52 Adam What base have you gotten to?

51:55 Caller We've had sex already.

51:56 Drew Oh.

51:57 We've been protected. My concern is that...

51:58 Drew He was calm. He was careful. He was saying, what's ahead?

52:01 Adam Oh, I thought they were talking about waiting or something.

52:03 Drew No, they did wait. They had the big talk. He went ahead. Now he's wondering what it all means.

52:07 Adam Say you're good.

52:08 Christopher Titus But the child thing, though, it's only like if it gets really bad. They only do a C-section if it gets bad, like if she looks like a seen enemy or something like that.

52:14 Drew Right. Right during the outbreak, you would need to see actual tentacles.

52:18 Adam Then what would happen? Leave like a racing stripe of herpes on the kid?

52:21 Drew You could, yeah. It would get in the eyes.

52:24 Christopher Titus It would slime the kid a bit, yeah.

52:26 Adam True. They should work some sort of cover, some sort of second skin type stuff.

52:34 Drew You obviously have never seen a delivery.

52:36 Adam I have.

52:38 Drew Can you imagine putting anything on that?

52:41 Christopher Titus We need an apron. We need some sort of, yeah, no. My wife just gave birth, and actually it's very vivid in my mind, August 25th, so it's pretty vivid.

52:51 Adam Did she need you to be there? Did you want to be there?

52:53 Christopher Titus You know, she said she actually did. They had actually given her the morphine, and then the doctor told her, he said, if you don't push, we're going to cut it off. And so I actually just kind of, I did. She actually said without my coaching, she wouldn't have, it would have took her five hours. I mean, from the time I come home after taping, the kid waited till after the taping, we were taping Friday night, boom, kid waited till like 3 a.m. in the morning Saturday. Thank you, kid. Right. So we got the taping done, and I get home, my wife is literally clutching the bed frame going, ah! She says, she goes, I think it's false labor. And I said, I don't think it's false labor. She's actually up on her fingertips and her toes arching across the bed.

53:26 Caller Oh my God.

53:28 Christopher Titus I go, I don't think it's false labor. So the doctor, I call the doctor, he says, he says, well, when the contractions get down to 10 minutes, call me and start bringing her in. And the next contraction was five minutes. So all the way, oh, so I get her in the truck, all the way home, she's grabbing the overhead grab handle. Right. And the console above us, and again, just arched all the way to the, all the way to the, it was pretty frightening.

53:48 Adam I, see, I would be traumatized by that, as a male.

53:52 Christopher Titus I am, I gotta be honest with you. I was trying to, I laughed because she'd be like, because the contractions were coming and going. And so I was like, it's like, okay, all right. And I was like, I'm like driving, looking out the window, like, okay, don't laugh. She's going to be really pissed if you laugh, don't laugh.

54:09 Adam Well, women don't know this is the reason why we don't pay attention to half the stuff they say, because we would break out laughing. Like when they go, you know, it's so bad. Tammy, did Giacomo from work? Yeah. Well, you know what she said? Yeah. Well, she, now, she intentionally, I was, she said to me, well, it's not what she said, but it was how she said it. You realize if you start listening, you would just start laughing halfway into it, and then they'd get pissed, so you try not to listen. And yet, then we're criticized for not listening, but it's really for them, right?

54:41 Christopher Titus But yeah.

54:41 Adam Thank you.

54:42 Christopher Titus I was real proud of her, though. She did it. She did a really good job. And that thing was peaking. If you've seen it, what do they call the meter, the contraction thing? What do they call that? The contraction thing that goes, anyway, peaked it. Like it didn't go like this. It went bink.

54:54 Adam Oh, pegged it?

54:55 Christopher Titus It just pegged it like three times. And I said, guys, can we get something in her?

54:58 Adam Yeah.

54:59 Christopher Titus And the doctor really casually, yeah, looks like she's in some pain.

55:02 Adam Yeah. Did it hit the rev limiter on the contractometer?

55:07 Christopher Titus The lights are on.

55:08 Adam Wow. Wow. Oh, Drew. Drew had the triplets. I can't imagine.

55:14 Christopher Titus Oh, it's just, I can't, really? Three of them, man. One was just, oh, she's holding the thing. They had a clamp on my wife on her in her private part. I didn't look what it was connected to. I just saw the end of it sticking. Barred clamp?

55:26 Adam Seek clamp?

55:26 Christopher Titus What kind of clamp? One of the mash clamps that Hawkeye used to use. And she grabs, and the kid, we come out and the kid actually latched on and was grabbing it, wouldn't let go when it came out. The doctor had to literally pry the kid's fingers off the clamp.

55:40 Adam See, I want to be like Fred McMurray in the waiting room with the cigars and pacing. And where I run into that other guy, hey, Bob, I'm on my fifth. We pass knowing glances.

55:52 Christopher Titus Jimmy Stewart Capra-esque guy. Yeah, yeah, she had another one.

55:55 Yeah, yeah, that's what I want.

55:57 Adam That's what I want.

55:58 Christopher Titus Oh, this one's boy.

56:00 Drew Doctor, come back. It looks like there's another one.

56:03 Adam Right, they keep coming.

56:04 Christopher Titus And the music that we're doing.

56:07 Adam Yeah, and then I faint and that kind of thing.

56:09 Christopher Titus At the fourth one, fourth or fifth one, you faint.

56:11 Adam Right, right. Katie?

56:13 Hello?

56:13 Adam You're 20?

56:14 Caller Yes, I am.

56:15 Adam What is up?

56:16 Caller Okay, my boyfriend has kind of a rape fetish. I don't know really what to call it. It's kind of a cork with him. He's an artist. He draws it quite frequently. And he-

56:26 Adam Draws the rapes?

56:28 Caller Huh?

56:28 Adam He draws the rapes?

56:30 Caller He draws- he has a character that he has raping all of these random females.

56:35 Adam I see.

56:35 Caller We've had several talks about it. He said that this started when his mom left. It was sort of, you know, he had lack of control of his life.

56:42 Adam You know, he doesn't work in pastels, does he?

56:45 Caller Chalk?

56:46 Adam Yeah, the rape and pastels. Not good, yeah. So it would be acrylics or maybe charcoal.

56:51 Caller Uh, no, it's mostly ink, but anyway.

56:54 Adam All right, so he likes to draw- What's the character's name who does all the raping?

56:58 Caller Drip.

56:59 Adam Drip, okay. Drip the Rapist. This guy should write for Highlights magazine.

57:05 Drew For kids.

57:06 Adam Yeah. Drip the Rapist.

57:08 Drew Boy's Life.

57:08 Christopher Titus That was a Cartoon and Weekly reader, wasn't it? I remember in fourth grade.

57:11 Adam Yeah. Drip. So that disturbs you a little bit?

57:15 Caller Well, it's gone a little beyond that. It got to the point where the rape was pretty much all he, drawing it got him aroused. It got to that point when I first met him, it was probably, it was coming down from at his worst peak of this problem. We were virgins when we met each other. We were each other's first. And he was having a hard time getting off. So I let him experiment with it a little bit and it got to the, you know, he tied me up and he was just, you know, pretending he was this rapist thing. He was going to kill me and everything. And I, I humored it as long as I could. It got to the point where I just could not stand it anymore.

57:56 Christopher Titus What, what happened that made you actually kind of cut it off? We did just leave you in a trunk overnight. What, what happened? I mean, I mean, cause I had a girl once that did, that actually was into this and I was like 19 or 18, 19, 19, no.

58:06 Drew Into the rape thing.

58:07 Christopher Titus Yeah, she was into raping me once and I was like, I was so pathetic. I was like, okay, bitch, smack. And it was nothing. And she actually said to me, she goes, it's all right.

58:16 Caller That's what she finally said.

58:18 Christopher Titus So what got to the point that made you, cause you were with her for a while, what pushed it over the edge?

58:23 Caller It just, it got more and more violent, the things that he'd say. Just he, he would start with just saying, I'm going to kill you. And then he'd start going into detail and stuff like that. And I just finally said, okay, we've got to stop it. And he agreed no more. He agreed it was getting a little out of hand.

58:36 Adam Well, Kay, this guy seems like a keeper. I mean, do you want to get married or?

58:40 Christopher Titus What does your mom, does your mom like him?

58:42 Caller No, my mom doesn't like him. But, no, aside from this problem, he's a really, he's a very decent guy.

58:49 Drew What's he do for a living?

58:50 Christopher Titus I mean, aside from the wanting to kill you and then go into detail problem, he's a very nice guy. Okay.

58:55 Caller No, I mean, he's really soft spoken and he's really timid in real life. I think he did this mainly from our talks. What he's said is he's done this just because of lack of control of his life and it just got a little out of hand for him.

59:06 Adam But let me explain a couple of things. First off, John Wayne Gacy was a clown. You understand? And every time, I'm not saying this guy is a serial killer, but every time they profile these guys, they're soft spoken, they're friendly, they're involved with the community, quiet guys. And then they have this very dark, scary side that rears its ugly head once a month and somebody gets hurt. Now, what are you still with this guy for?

59:35 Caller Well, it's just, it's something, it's just a thing with him. I mean, otherwise, he's a very...

59:41 Drew One of the more highly predictive sort of historical qualities in these guys that suggest real trouble is if they hurt animals. Does he have a history of doing that?

59:52 Caller No.

59:53 Drew You sure?

59:54 Caller He doesn't. He's very, he's very soft spoken.

59:57 Drew No, no. Listen, just, he never had a history of that.

1:00:00 Caller No, never.

1:00:01 Christopher Titus Never when he was a kid or anything like that?

1:00:03 Caller What?

1:00:03 Christopher Titus Not when he was a kid or anything?

1:00:05 Caller No, never.

1:00:06 Adam Does he ever draw swirls being raped or... No?

1:00:10 Christopher Titus So, Drift's not into that.

1:00:11 Adam Alright. What's he doing for a living? Video store?

1:00:15 Caller He's a security guard.

1:00:16 Adam Oh boy. That's bad. Yeah, but he doesn't have a gun, right? No, he just gets a pepper spray.

1:00:23 Caller But the thing is, this is just, it's a quirk with him and he vents it through the drawing. After we experiment...

1:00:28 Adam Alright, but hold on. You downgrading the rape fantasies to quirk. Let me tell you what quirk is. Quirk is where... It's like you wear sandals with socks. You know, that's a quirk.

1:00:42 Drew Or your eye twitches once in a while when you're nervous.

1:00:44 Christopher Titus A quirk is when you have to, you know, before you go to bat, you touch the fence three times. That's a quirk.

1:00:49 Adam Right.

1:00:50 Christopher Titus A quirk is a mild eye twitch.

1:00:51 Adam This guy threatening to kill you when he's having sex is a little beyond correct.

1:00:55 Christopher Titus Crying, rape pictures. Here's what I think you want. Here's what I think you want from us. You want us to go, you know what, it's okay. I'm sure it's healthy in a way, getting it out. No, no. No, I'm telling you.

1:01:05 Drew That's what she keeps.

1:01:06 Christopher Titus We're never going to say that. You know what I would say right now? I swear to God, if I was your brother, run. If anything, I'd be at this guy's house. I got to tell you, when you start talking about violence like that, someone is thinking of violence like that, and wanting to just kind of play around with it, you got to, if you like the guy, you like the guy. That's great, but I got to be honest with you, it's the scariest call, I've been on the show twice, this is the scariest call I've ever heard. Everything you've talked about, this guy, goes through every profile I've heard of, Dahmer and all those guys. I'm not saying he is, maybe he does have a quirk, but it's a quirk that scares the living hell out of me, and if my sister was involved in it, or a girl I knew was involved in it, there would definitely be a problem. There would definitely be a problem. You need to be afraid.

1:01:43 Adam All right, so that's our thought on it, Katie.

1:01:46 Drew Okay.

1:01:47 Adam The rest is up to you, but you don't want to get in a position one day, eight months from now, where you're duct taped to something.

1:01:53 Christopher Titus And you're thinking, boy, Christopher Titus was right, huh?

1:01:55 Adam That son of a bitch from Fox was right.

1:01:58 Christopher Titus 931.

1:01:59 That's right.

1:02:02 Drew She could just have him check that and evaluate it, and somebody could watch this and be responsible for it.

1:02:07 Adam She could. But here's, I guess, what our message on this show is, is aren't there enough people on the planet where as a 20-year-old articulate, I'm sure, a cute girl, that you have to be saddled with this crazy guy as the security guard who draws the rapist? Do you know what I mean? Couldn't you just go take a class at a junior college and meet a dude the next day?

1:02:31 Christopher Titus There you go. You know, sit down, make a list. Good points, bad points. Security guard, don't know which category that goes in. Definitely know the drip fantasy cartoon rapist character goes in the bad side.

1:02:39 Adam Right. Bill?

1:02:41 Caller Yes.

1:02:41 Adam You're 32?

1:02:43 Caller Yeah, I am. First I want to say I love your guys' show and I love the man show and Chris, I love the Titus show, man. All the shows rock.

1:02:51 Christopher Titus Thanks, brother.

1:02:52 Adam Thanks.

1:02:54 Caller But yeah, I just wanted to ask, I have this girlfriend that I met at the Michigan Renaissance Festival. I've been dating her for about five months now and she has an extreme oral fetish. I mean, she gets mad if I don't, you know, let go in her mouth.

1:03:14 Adam Oh, I see. You mean she wants you to orgasm in her mouth?

1:03:18 Caller Yeah.

1:03:18 Adam Yeah. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. You know, it's really funny. It's funny on your mind when she goes, I met this girl and I was like, okay, 135 pounds. I met her in Michigan. Okay, she's up to 155 at the Renaissance Festival, 205. She's only happy when I orgasm in her mouth. She's up to 316. I just kept hacking the weight on her. It was like piling sandbags onto a scale.

1:03:42 Caller He actually did write it.

1:03:44 Christopher Titus He actually did write it down.

1:03:46 Drew I had ironic idea of her with the Puff the Magic Dragon cartoon, the puppet show. Right. Then, oh man, here's the boy.

1:03:56 Adam Big mutton chop in one hand and a penis in the other. All right. So, Bill.

1:04:01 Caller Yeah. Actually, she's only about 107 pounds.

1:04:05 Adam Oh, wow. She's in the speed?

1:04:08 Caller Yeah. She's a spinner.

1:04:11 Adam Wait, wait, wait. A what? She's a spinner. She gets on top and goes to 10.

1:04:16 Caller She's so light. Sexual. Here's the oddest thing that really threw me for a loop. It was one day we were sitting down on the couch and she went and got a bowl of ice cream. When she came back, she just pulled my drawers down, did me off on to her ice cream and then sat down and ate it. Ever since then, it's like every time she eats ice cream or cake or anything, it's got to be on there.

1:04:46 Adam You're seeing what's going to be on it? And even fear the kids' party?

1:04:49 Caller No.

1:04:51 Adam That could get awkward.

1:04:53 Drew How about at the puppet show with Puff?

1:04:56 Caller Oh, man. Is this really abnormal or what?

1:04:59 Drew Who does that?

1:05:00 Caller Yeah.

1:05:00 Adam Well, wait a minute. I'm a little more curious about the Renaissance Festival. What was her gig there?

1:05:06 Caller She is one of the performers.

1:05:08 Drew What did she do?

1:05:08 Adam Well, I think you just explained it.

1:05:10 Christopher Titus I just hope she's doing the ice cream.

1:05:11 Drew She plays the royal court.

1:05:12 Caller Yeah.

1:05:13 Drew Is she the queen?

1:05:14 Caller No, no, no. Just one of the ladies-in-waiting of the queen.

1:05:16 Adam Maids of Milken.

1:05:18 Caller Yeah.

1:05:18 Adam And what were you doing there?

1:05:21 Caller I'm on the performance cast.

1:05:24 Drew And what do you do?

1:05:25 Caller I'm a Scotsman.

1:05:26 Adam I see.

1:05:26 Caller Playing a Scottish court.

1:05:28 Adam How does this... To me, this is... Only the Trekkies confuse me more than the Renaissance folks. So now what's... All right. So she likes this. Does she seem to have deep emotional issues?

1:05:42 Caller Not that I've noticed, but I mean, it's... Like I said, it's an obsession with her. It's like she can't get enough of it.

1:05:49 Christopher Titus So here's a question. You have a problem that most, that 99.925% of the male population wouldn't be calling a talk show about. What is your problem with it?

1:05:59 Drew Well, I'm kind of scared about this one the way you were scared about the last one. Oh, yeah?

1:06:02 Christopher Titus Well, I'm not sure what the background is.

1:06:04 Adam No, I agree with Chris, but she's taken it to such extremes. I think it's spooking in a little way.

1:06:09 Drew Me too.

1:06:10 Caller She's so obsessed with it. I mean, it's like every time we're together, she has to have it and it's like she doesn't want to do anything else except that.

1:06:19 Drew But she's not interested. It's not the act of giving you oral sex. It's the ingestion of the semen. That's what I find bizarre.

1:06:27 Christopher Titus I have a question. Is she into any... Is this a witchcraft or anything?

1:06:32 Caller Actually, yeah, she's a wiccan.

1:06:34 Christopher Titus There you go.

1:06:35 Adam Made it.

1:06:35 Oh, yes.

1:06:37 Adam Beat you guys to it. Sorry.

1:06:38 Drew But 107 pounds.

1:06:39 Adam Yeah. They don't accept women under 200 pounds.

1:06:42 Isn't it that religion?

1:06:44 Caller Actually, you'd be surprised. There's quite a few gorgeous women in it.

1:06:48 Drew All right. But now we're going down the trauma.

1:06:50 Adam Is she...

1:06:51 Christopher Titus Now I'm scared, actually, frankly.

1:06:52 Adam Is she in any drugs?

1:06:53 Caller No, no.

1:06:54 Drew But we are going down the trauma path now.

1:06:56 Caller As far as I know, she's never done any drugs.

1:06:58 Adam Was... Okay, what? Anything screwy happened to her growing up?

1:07:01 Drew No, what screwy happened to her?

1:07:02 Adam Okay, what screwy?

1:07:04 Caller If there was, she didn't tell me.

1:07:05 Drew Yeah.

1:07:06 Caller Well, that's not right.

1:07:07 Christopher Titus Well, you're getting hints with the ice cream in the dessert tray.

1:07:11 Adam You're in love with her, right?

1:07:14 Caller Well, I don't know about that.

1:07:15 Adam All right. Well, listen.

1:07:18 Caller At first, it was kind of like real thrilling and everything, but now it's like she's so obsessed with it.

1:07:24 Drew All right. Are you kind of a healthy sort of boundary with all this? Yes, you're looking. You're assessing the relationship.

1:07:30 Adam Now, does she want you to save it when you're not with her?

1:07:33 Caller No, it hasn't come to that yet, but it's almost like I'm expecting it.

1:07:38 Christopher Titus She's crossed a creepy line, obviously.

1:07:40 Caller Yeah. Like I said, I don't say I don't know whether to stay with this girl or not and see where it goes or what.

1:07:47 Adam Don't get her pregnant.

1:07:49 Caller Oh, no, no, no, no.

1:07:50 Adam I know there's no chance of that unless she like belches in her own vagina or something, but I make sure she's been taking the pill.

1:07:57 Caller And I make sure I'm there watching her take it and swallow the darn thing and I use the condom and everything.

1:08:01 Adam That sounds good.

1:08:02 Drew Her pill? What?

1:08:03 Adam Yeah, her pill. Yeah, that's nice. It's like a scene from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, where the nurse stands over and makes sure she doesn't stuff it between her cheek and gum and then spit it into the toilet.

1:08:14 Drew Oh, my God.

1:08:16 Adam Nobody pick up anyone at the Renaissance Festival. You're asking for trouble.

1:08:20 Drew Yeah, absolutely. All of a sudden, I'm going to have a different sort of view of those young women lined up along the court there.

1:08:28 Adam Drew, you seem to know a fair amount about what goes on at these festivals.

1:08:32 Drew I've never been to one.

1:08:33 Adam Really?

1:08:34 Drew No.

1:08:34 Adam You sure?

1:08:35 Drew I've just never been to one.

1:08:36 OK. All right.

1:08:37 Drew That's just my imagination. There's a lot of Puff the Magic Dragon and people with pointy hats on.

1:08:44 Adam All right.

1:08:45 Drew And now I'm not going to be able to walk to one without just totally cracking up.

1:08:49 Adam Her name would be like Ann Blowin. Remember that word? Good porn name. I got Drew everybody. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. Christopher Titus is here tonight. Fox, 930, Wednesday Nights, and we'll be right back.

1:09:38 Caller Hello, this is Vince DeFiori from the band Cake. Hi, my name is John McCrae from the band Cake, and you're listening to Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:09:45 Caller Danger and caution go hand in hand.

1:09:47 Caller Yeah, it's true.

1:09:49 Adam Funny, I heard a Cake song two nights ago, and thought, I love those Cake guys.

1:09:57 Drew Yeah, they're a nice guy.

1:09:58 Adam They're good too.

1:10:00 Drew Yeah, they have a bunch of horns out there, don't they?

1:10:02 Adam No, Vince plays the trumpet. It's great, though. I gotta get them back in here. Christopher Titus is our guest tonight.

1:10:10 Christopher Titus Reluctantly Crouched at the Starting Line.

1:10:13 Adam That's right. That's a great song. Titus is, of course, the name of the show, Wednesday Night, 9.30 on Fox.

1:10:23 Christopher Titus Actually, that's the most promo. Actually, just now, I've got more promo tonight than we got in the whole last three weeks. Good job.

1:10:29 Drew Thank you. Chris lives his life in television as we have.

1:10:33 Adam Yeah, we never got any promo. Thank God, too, all that lame brain vacation stuff.

1:10:38 Oh, man.

1:10:39 Adam Hey, Laura?

1:10:39 Yeah.

1:10:40 Adam What's up?

1:10:41 Hey, guys. Thanks for having me on the show. I love it.

1:10:44 Adam Thanks for coming on.

1:10:46 Yeah. Well, here's my question. My boyfriend and I haven't had sex or anything, but his penis is really curved. First, I'm wondering, is that normal and is it going to make sex hard?

1:10:59 Drew Certain amount of curve is normal. It's not reaching all the way back and touching himself. Not a U-turn.

1:11:05 Christopher Titus Yeah, exactly.

1:11:06 Adam Not a pig's tail.

1:11:06 Christopher Titus It's not a Mobius strip of some sort.

1:11:09 It's probably about 90 degrees or so.

1:11:12 Drew That's not so normal. He may want to get that looked into as a function.

1:11:16 Christopher Titus But he can also level shelving.

1:11:17 Drew Does she know what 90 degrees is?

1:11:18 Adam No, she doesn't know what 90 degrees is.

1:11:20 Well, like a square corner. Yeah.

1:11:22 Adam Wow. Wait a minute.

1:11:24 Christopher Titus That's an accident.

1:11:26 Adam That is 90 degrees. Well, 180 would be in your ass, right? No, that's not 360. Well, 360 would come back around again. But 90 would just be against one hip. Yeah. Pretty much the same way about. 90 degrees, if you're laying on your bed with an erection and your penis was straight up and that was noon, 90 would be at three o'clock or nine o'clock depending on which way he pulled.

1:11:51 Drew He goes to the right, so it's three o'clock.

1:11:52 Adam But he can't be-

1:11:53 Christopher Titus He'll just tell you at nine o'clock.

1:11:54 Adam Right. He can't be at 90. He can't be just straight. I mean, he could be at like 145 or something.

1:12:00 Drew I think she's talking about this, not this.

1:12:02 Adam I mean, it goes up and then goes to 90?

1:12:05 Christopher Titus I don't think he's the right angle on it. I don't think she's saying there's a square corner. I think it just curves all eight. It ends up at a 90, right?

1:12:10 Adam Yeah, that's right.

1:12:11 Drew It curves around like a banana kind of thing.

1:12:13 Adam Yeah.

1:12:14 Drew All right.

1:12:15 Adam Well, that's-

1:12:16 Drew That's impressive.

1:12:17 Adam Quite substantial, yeah.

1:12:18 Drew Does it get erect normally and stay erect, that kind of thing?

1:12:21 Oh yeah, it stays, but-

1:12:22 Drew I might want to give him about 800 units of vitamin E every day. I'm dead serious about this. That if he has Peyronie's disease, the contraction of the tissue that's pulling it over to the one side like that can loosen up and it can straighten back out a little bit.

1:12:36 Adam I can't believe it's 90. You couldn't get it in at 90.

1:12:40 Well, that's what I'm worried about. I've never had sex before and neither has he.

1:12:44 Adam Oh, I see.

1:12:45 So I'm just wondering, is it even going to work?

1:12:48 Drew It's going to be a challenge.

1:12:49 Is it sideways or something?

1:12:51 Adam Yeah, he could go in breach, as they call it.

1:12:55 Christopher Titus I will say this, I don't think you're going to have the problem. I think he's the one that's going to be in pain, right? I don't think you're going to be the one to worry about it. I think he's the one that's going to have to worry about it.

1:13:02 Drew It could give you some strange pressure, I imagine.

1:13:04 Adam Yeah.

1:13:04 Okay.

1:13:05 Adam Yeah.

1:13:07 Christopher Titus Or some amazing pressure, huh, Drew?

1:13:09 Drew We'll see.

1:13:10 Adam Yeah. Good times. I mean, have you given him an oral sex?

1:13:16 No.

1:13:17 Adam No. Okay. All right. Well, that's, I don't know how's that.

1:13:21 Drew That doesn't even work.

1:13:22 I'm not sure how that would work either.

1:13:24 Drew It's kind of like a straw.

1:13:26 Adam How far does it go? It goes out straight initially?

1:13:29 Yeah.

1:13:30 Adam About how far does it go out straight?

1:13:33 Drew What percentage of the way up to the tip?

1:13:35 Two, three inches, probably.

1:13:36 Adam Two, three inches straight, and then bends all the way over to a 90.

1:13:40 Yeah.

1:13:41 Drew There you go.

1:13:41 Yeah.

1:13:42 Adam Jesus Christ. Yeah. And he's never seen a doctor?

1:13:46 I don't think so.

1:13:47 Caller He really should.

1:13:48 Okay.

1:13:48 Drew Because it's something called Peroni's disease. He may have.

1:13:51 He said that I was the only person who knew about it.

1:13:53 Drew Well, better he should have somebody take a look at it.

1:13:57 Christopher Titus What is Peroni's disease?

1:13:58 Drew It's just a fibrous plaque that forms on one side of the penis and pulls it over to that side. And the problem is that in order to get rid of that, other than the vitamin E, they have to cut a pie shape out of the other side and pull it back.

1:14:13 Adam What about training it? Like, you know, kid wears a headset for his orthodontia. Couldn't you train?

1:14:18 Christopher Titus Sort of retainer.

1:14:19 Adam Yeah, some sort of retainer for your penis?

1:14:21 Drew Just leave it in her vagina chronically?

1:14:23 Adam No, leave it on his penis. Hook it up like a brace. Just start working it back.

1:14:28 Christopher Titus Three or four coat hangers, you tie them up together, you strain it out a little bit. You work it. You strain it out.

1:14:32 Adam A little duct tape. There you go.

1:14:35 Christopher Titus I'll tell you what, if it's that or cut a pie shape out of it, that's like metal work, man. That's like form, that's like a pie shape.

1:14:42 Caller No.

1:14:43 Adam Yeah. He needs to work that out. Okay. Let's talk to Justin. He's 19. Justin?

1:14:50 Yeah.

1:14:51 Adam What's up?

1:14:52 I have a comment on that woman that called about the nephew with a really small penis.

1:14:56 Adam Right.

1:14:57 Anyways, we're discussing this in psychology class, the idea between nature versus nurture. In Canada, what they used to do when children are born with extremely small penises, is they cut them off and cut the balls off, do a little constructive surgery down there and raise them as girls.

1:15:13 Adam No.

1:15:15 That's...

1:15:16 Adam That's ambiguous, Jenna.

1:15:18 Drew He's confusing a little bit.

1:15:20 Adam Hold on. Is this Junior College?

1:15:22 Drew Yeah. What?

1:15:23 Adam Junior College?

1:15:24 Drew UW.

1:15:25 Adam No. How did you get in there?

1:15:27 It's not like it was a common thing. But if the penis is small enough...

1:15:30 Drew Well, listen. Relax. No, no, no. Here's what happened. There was actually a penis that was sloughed off in the course of a circumcision accident, and they decided to raise that child as a male, and they studied that child as he grew up.

1:15:41 Caller Yeah. He had a biological twin.

1:15:43 Drew And he could not adjust to being a female. And they wouldn't do things they wanted it to do. I mean, it was good evidence of how profoundly different the male and the female is. And there are many other cases where they had ambiguous genitalia, where they were actually going to get a vagina, but it has testes. And they would try to raise that as a female, and it had never worked out.

1:16:06 Christopher Titus Only in Canada, right?

1:16:07 Drew No, no. It happened here.

1:16:09 Adam Yeah. It was a crazy story. I heard it maybe a year ago on like 2020 or something. It was like the most bizarre thing in the world. They never told the kid. And the kid, you know, obviously, they had the kid on like some hormone therapy and stuff. And the kid then became a guinea pig. And the kid was starting to freak out like having all these feelings and thinking the kid was a lesbian or just like bizarre. I mean, imagine that. Man. You think you're a female your whole life, and you're actually a male. And then at age 15, your mom calls you into the kitchen and has to have a little sit down with you.

1:16:49 Christopher Titus The talk.

1:16:50 Adam The talk. It's a lot different.

1:16:53 Christopher Titus Yeah. Well, I love my parents. I like to hug my parents right now.

1:16:56 Adam Yeah.

1:16:57 Christopher Titus I wish someone worse.

1:16:58 Adam Yeah. They did not remove your genitalia in a botched circumcision. And then like panic and go, all right, I guess we'll make them into a chick.

1:17:07 Christopher Titus What kind of botched circumcision? How bad? What do they get? A guy with a paper hat? How do you botch a circumcision that bad? And by the way, the word slough off, I'm still in my, I can't even.

1:17:17 Drew It's hurting you, you never want to slough your penis?

1:17:19 Christopher Titus Oh, you can't.

1:17:21 Adam But guys with small penises get turned into women in Canada.

1:17:26 Christopher Titus You're not a hockey player, you're a woman. Cut your penis out.

1:17:29 Drew I had a patient where I swear that was her deal. I wanted to test her, I didn't want to even bring her up because she was being treated for other things and I thought, man, this is a male. This is not a female and magically she was on hormones and there was all this weird stuff going on. I thought, oh, this is not a female.

1:17:43 Adam But also it's one of these things where people always talk about society, man, forcing girls to play with dolls and boys to play with guns and this is all society and the man encroaching on our children.

1:17:57 Drew BS.

1:17:58 Adam BS. You cut the guy's prick off, he's still a dude. Cut his prick off, put him in a dress, hand him a doll.

1:18:05 Drew Put him on estrogens.

1:18:06 Adam Put him on estrogen and try to make the guy, and all you get is the world's most effed up chick. This chick was like goth times ten and just freaking out. I mean, just like lesbian buzzcut. Then it was like into a mental institution and now she's running a studio. So it worked out. Greenlining project. Yeah. She's running a few shows at the WP. I don't know what the hell happened to this person, but my dad missed a couple of Pop Warner football games. I'm not done with him. You know what I mean? I still never forget him for that. Could you imagine this? Jennifer?

1:18:48 Yes.

1:18:49 Adam You're 21, what's up?

1:18:51 Yeah, my boyfriend bit a small hole in the side of my nipple.

1:18:55 Adam He bit it?

1:18:56 Yes.

1:18:57 Drew Like a dent? To me, a hole means through and through.

1:19:01 No, not like a hole, but like a nice little dent.

1:19:04 Christopher Titus Like a chunk?

1:19:05 Yeah.

1:19:05 Adam A divot. Okay.

1:19:08 What do I do?

1:19:09 Drew Keep it clean, peroxide. If it gets swollen or any exudate, any white debris coming off, let's see a doctor immediately. If it swells or gets red, got to see someone.

1:19:20 Adam Okay. Are you mad at him?

1:19:22 Drew Infected.

1:19:23 It just hurts.

1:19:24 Drew It hurts a lot?

1:19:25 Not a lot.

1:19:26 Drew How long ago did it happen?

1:19:31 It happened. I'm sorry. I don't want to talk about that.

1:19:33 Drew Well, it's 1136 now. How long ago did it happen?

1:19:36 Oh, it happened five or six hours ago.

1:19:41 Drew Peroxide.

1:19:41 Adam What did she think you asked?

1:19:43 Christopher Titus I don't know. What possibly could you have asked him in or just lock up?

1:19:46 I thought he asked, how did it happen?

1:19:49 Christopher Titus I mean, it's not one of the, it's not a, it's not a, sorry I bumped into you in the kitchen accident.

1:19:52 Yeah. No, I know.

1:19:53 Caller That's why I was like crazy.

1:19:54 Adam You guys were getting a little rough?

1:19:56 Yeah.

1:19:57 Adam Okay. How are you doing with that? You all right?

1:20:00 Yeah.

1:20:01 Adam Your dad raped you?

1:20:02 No.

1:20:03 Adam You're not too freaked out? No. You like the rough trade?

1:20:07 A little.

1:20:08 Adam You deserve it because you're naughty, right? Little bitch. She's crying now. She's laughing. All right. You're all right? No rape fantasies? No.

1:20:17 Drew No.

1:20:18 Adam Okay. He doesn't draw? Goofo, the rapist? Drip.

1:20:22 Drew Drip.

1:20:22 Caller Drip. Drip.

1:20:23 Adam Drip the rapist?

1:20:24 Christopher Titus He's going to get a comic book deal with Marvel.

1:20:26 Drew Proxide, Jennifer. Proxide.

1:20:28 Christopher Titus We keep bringing it up.

1:20:29 Drew Pour peroxide over it.

1:20:30 Adam There's quite a buzz about Drip the Rapist.

1:20:33 Caller He's all over Loveline.

1:20:35 Adam He's going to have t-shirts. I can see the whole thing. All right. We're taking our call here, Drew? We'll take a break.

1:20:41 Drew Nope.

1:20:43 Adam Greg.

1:20:44 Caller Hey, what's up?

1:20:44 Adam You're 22. What's going on?

1:20:47 Caller I had a tumor when I was 18. Well, when I was 18 and I didn't go through puberty till I was 18. And now...

1:20:55 Drew Wait, you had a tumor where?

1:20:57 Caller In my pituitary gland, sorry.

1:20:58 Drew Oh, interesting.

1:20:59 Caller And so I find myself now just really depressed and like kind of feeling off a lot. And I don't know when puberty is going to finish because I'm just starting now to get like hair underneath my arms.

1:21:16 Caller Wow.

1:21:18 Caller Like, I don't know. I feel like something is just off with me.

1:21:21 Drew Are you getting the other hormones replaced, too?

1:21:23 Adam Maybe your chick.

1:21:25 Caller Growth hormone, what not?

1:21:26 Caller Yeah, well, I'm deficient in growth hormone. I just found out.

1:21:29 Drew Are you getting that replaced?

1:21:32 Caller Yeah. I'm about to start soon.

1:21:34 Drew All right. That can make you feel funny, not having had enough of that. How about the thyroid function is normal?

1:21:40 Caller Yeah. I'm taking Synthroid.

1:21:41 Drew Okay. So you have thyroid replacement, testosterone replacement, you're going to be in growth hormone replacement. How about prolactin?

1:21:47 Caller Yeah. My prolactin count, it was actually prolactinoma.

1:21:49 Drew Okay.

1:21:50 Adam Drew, are you a real doctor? Just a love doctor. I'm just a love doctor. How about the fact that he's been on hold for 75 minutes, this poor kid, Drew? How do you feel about that?

1:22:00 Drew I feel like this is a kid that's motivated.

1:22:02 Adam See what you did to him?

1:22:03 Drew He's going to be a good patient.

1:22:03 Adam How big or small are you, Greg?

1:22:06 Caller I'm, what do you mean?

1:22:07 Adam Well, what size? Are you undersized?

1:22:09 Caller No, I'm actually pretty big.

1:22:12 Drew Greg, you know there's a book out there about a kid with a prolactin secreting tumor, right? Prolactinoma?

1:22:17 Adam It's called Drippy.

1:22:19 Drew A guy named Ken Baker wrote the book. I think it's called Man-Made or something. It's about how it was growing up and not going through puberty and not being understood. Why this is very apropos of what we were talking about tonight and how he could never sort of excel athletically and he was not really interested in sex. Man, when they took that pituitary tumor out, pow, it was a testosterone storm. He could masturbate 10 times a day. He was like a totally different person.

1:22:43 Adam He raped the nurse who took it out.

1:22:46 Drew Did you take bromocryptine or something or did you have the tumor taken out?

1:22:50 Caller I had the tumor taken out but I still have to take bromocryptine.

1:22:52 Drew Okay.

1:22:53 Christopher Titus Now, is it a faster thing though? Is he going to go through puberty real fast now?

1:22:57 Drew It sounds like they're sort of, no. It sounds like not they are.

1:23:01 Adam Why is he on the-

1:23:01 Caller I take testosterone each month. I take like an injection and I am.

1:23:05 Adam Why is he taking the growth hormone if he's normal size?

1:23:09 Drew Because you need growth hormone for normal. That's not just for growth. You need it for metabolism too. But let me ask you this. So your lactal levels are normal now or not?

1:23:17 Caller It's still a little elevated.

1:23:18 Drew All right. Well, that can make you depressed just by itself.

1:23:20 Caller Oh, really?

1:23:21 Drew Yeah. So you got to get this adjusted. Are you going to like a university center to get this treated?

1:23:26 Caller Yeah. I'm going to Cedar Sinai.

1:23:28 Adam Yeah, that's a good one.

1:23:29 Drew Cedars in Los Angeles, yeah.

1:23:31 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:23:31 Drew All right.

1:23:32 Christopher Titus Here's the thing. Impurity is hard. It's just hard. All right.

1:23:35 Drew Get that book, okay? It's Ken Baker, B-A-K-E-R. It's a great book about living with a prolactin screening tumor as a young male. You will definitely, just reading that, I think, will make you feel better. And then realize that having elevated levels of prolactin around suppress testosterone function and make you depressed.

1:23:50 Adam Cedar Sinai is like the Jewish hospital, right? And it's important to go-

1:23:55 Christopher Titus And no one around the world has that. Yes, yes, Adam.

1:23:57 Adam Nobody knows more about the medical industry than Jews, right? Am I right?

1:24:02 Christopher Titus They invented it.

1:24:03 Drew Historically, yes.

1:24:04 Adam I mean, they're hypochondriacs and they would not settle for anything but the best. That's not a dig, but I would feel more- Drew, if you're taking your child to a hospital, Jew hospital, go ahead. What do you go with?

1:24:17 Drew I'm going to go with Drew all the way.

1:24:18 Adam Two hands down.

1:24:19 Drew Me too.

1:24:20 Christopher Titus I'm with the Jews.

1:24:21 Drew I trained at Cedars. I did some training there.

1:24:23 Adam So, beside that black guy, they're a pretty good institution.

1:24:26 Christopher Titus People actually use it. Some of my writers use it in LA. What do you have, baby? Cedars. You feel like, oh, I'm going to Seymour Valley. I feel like a loser. I'm the up to show. I should be going to Seymour Valley. Come on.

1:24:39 Adam Did you really have your kid? You didn't go to Seymour? You didn't go to Seymour?

1:24:43 Christopher Titus No, I went to Seymour. I went to Seymour.

1:24:44 Drew The humanity.

1:24:45 Adam Is it a tent or is it actually a hospital?

1:24:48 Christopher Titus There was some slowing through the mud a little bit, but there was a clean room.

1:24:52 Drew Actually, it was a great hospital.

1:24:53 Christopher Titus Nice birthing room and stuff.

1:24:55 Adam Real mellow. By the way, Seymour is not close.

1:25:00 Christopher Titus Well, we lived in Canoga Park at the time.

1:25:01 Adam Oh, okay.

1:25:02 Christopher Titus So it was okay.

1:25:02 Adam All right. Well, then that's fine.

1:25:04 Christopher Titus Now I see how I feel worse. Now you're ripping on me.

1:25:07 Adam Listen, I grew up in the Valley and I'll barely go to a restaurant in the Valley, much less a hospital. Please. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Greg, what? Who? Jennifer? Jennifer had a sex change six years ago. Can she have it reversed?

1:25:24 Drew Oh, mama.

1:25:25 Adam She who was a he, right? Oh, is that a pain in the ass?

1:25:30 Drew It's reverse it.

1:25:32 Adam Yeah.

1:25:32 Drew We'll have to replace the penis.

1:25:35 Adam I think I could find one.

1:25:36 Christopher Titus I think there's a...

1:25:37 Adam Yeah.

1:25:38 Drew We'll talk to her.

1:25:38 Adam Yeah. There's donors dying on motorcycles all the time. We'll be back. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Drew. Christopher Titus is our guest tonight. You can find him on Wednesday nights on Fox at 930, doing his show in his third successful season. Drew, you all right?

1:26:36 Drew See how that works. He talks. See what happened to me.

1:26:38 Christopher Titus Drew started yawning.

1:26:40 Adam Jennifer?

1:26:41 Hello?

1:26:42 Adam Hello.

1:26:43 Hi. Is it?

1:26:47 Who is this?

1:26:48 Adam This is the show.

1:26:49 Oh, okay. I thought you were the guy that answered.

1:26:52 Adam Right.

1:26:54 He asked me a, it was kind of funny. He asked me a question I didn't think about. He said, isn't it easier now getting laid instead of when I was a man? I was kind of shocked when he said it, but he's right because you have the yes or the no, and the guy has to respect that or not. Anyway, one of the-

1:27:27 Adam But it's not like you look like Donna Dixon. I mean, you were a dude, right? I mean, you look like B. Arthur, right?

1:27:35 I was a man, and what had happened is I was bisexual.

1:27:39 Adam Right.

1:27:40 And I thought that that was- and I know the counselor said that's not true, but the counselor said that, but I thought that bisexuality was just like a precursor to homosexuality.

1:27:55 Adam Yeah.

1:27:55 And so I figured, you know, well, I, you know, don't want to do that.

1:27:59 Adam You don't want to go gay, right?

1:28:01 No. And so I figured, you know, I've always been told that I've been kind of, you know, feminine and feminine qualities and everything. And I thought, well, you know, it just, it seems so natural to change. And so, you know, it took quite a while. I had to go through a lot of counseling and everything. And-

1:28:21 Adam Right, right. Make sure you were sane and then you had your penis cut off.

1:28:26 I'm sorry?

1:28:27 Adam Right. Well, okay, hold on. Are you on your cell phone?

1:28:31 Yeah.

1:28:31 Adam Okay. So, now, you want to switch back to being a man now?

1:28:36 Yeah, because what's happened is I-

1:28:40 Adam She got her first yeast infection and said, screw this.

1:28:43 Christopher Titus Cannot drink this much cranberry juice ever again.

1:28:46 No, it's not that.

1:28:49 Adam You know, you know, your auto insurance is going to go back up again when you get that penis. Something to think about.

1:28:56 Drew She sounds like a piglet.

1:28:57 Adam Hold on a second. Hold on. Listen, how many times have I said this, that people who the very, to me, the definition of insanity is wanting gender reassignment. There is no greater argument for being insane than wanting your penis surgically removed. And the fact that we need to study these people for a year to make sure they're perfectly sound mentally so that they can go ahead and have the penis cut off is comical to me. And the doctors who do it are insane. And these guys who think they're doing the Lord's work with, they're trapped inside. No, they're trapped inside a nut jobs body. It's not a man trapped in. It's not a woman trapped inside a man's body. It's a woman trapped inside a nut jobs body.

1:29:42 Christopher Titus I love the moral argument of you know what, I didn't want to go gay. That's bad. So I just wanted to have my body mutilate.

1:29:48 Drew What these people think, they go female to have relationships with lesbians.

1:29:53 Adam I always say too, if any doctor is listening or performs this procedure, what if I came in and said that my right hand was possessed and I couldn't stop scratching my ass in public and I wanted you to take it off? Would you say that that would be an ethical procedure?

1:30:08 Christopher Titus Well, we'd have some counselling, we'd have to have a little bit of 6 months of counselling.

1:30:11 Adam Then you realize my hand was really possessed, I felt trapped inside a guy who didn't scratch his ass, his body, and I want it removed. Would you go ahead and take that off, you quacks?

1:30:21 Christopher Titus Yes, we would, and then, you know, chunk flop, bag it up, sew it up, move it off.

1:30:26 Adam All right, so Jennifer, you want it now, can this procedure be reversed, or what are you going to have?

1:30:32 You guys are funny.

1:30:34 Adam You got a good sense of humor for someone who wants their penis back. Do you get a new penis, or do they give you the old one back? Where's that, with Disney somewhere?

1:30:43 Christopher Titus Some sort of preservation, tyrogenic penis, like the vault.

1:30:50 Adam Let's see if you can get a black one this time. Who paid for this? Did I pay for this? Did the state have to pay for this? That's the other part I like.

1:31:01 Please, I mean to ask you a question.

1:31:04 Adam How much did this cost? The first time.

1:31:07 Drew She's going to die in a car accident right now.

1:31:10 Can I ask you a question? I'm having a hard time. You guys are making me laugh.

1:31:14 Adam Alright, go ahead.

1:31:18 Okay, but I heard you, when you put me on hold, you said something about the Lord. It's kind of hard for me now because it's really complicated. I became a Christian and mainly the reason that I'm switching back is because what I did, I don't think it's right. I think it's wrong. I want to, I was going to say rectify it. That might not sound right.

1:31:49 Christopher Titus Well, are you happy? Well, here's just, by the way, we're out of my league even asking this question. Are you happy the way you are now? Well, if you're Christian buddies kind of made, go ahead.

1:32:03 Yeah. I guess the thing I'm having a hard time with is that I like women and, you know.

1:32:14 Adam Now you don't want to be a lesbian.

1:32:16 And, you know.

1:32:18 Adam You didn't want to be gay before. Now you don't want to be a lesbian because you're Christian and you want to go down on a chick. Oh my god. I'd like to find your dad and kick him right in the sack if he's still got it.

1:32:30 Christopher Titus But I'd like to ask you to develop a sitcom for next year.

1:32:33 Adam Yeah. Holy Christ. Look, Jennifer, how much... Let me ask you a couple of questions. Have you slept with any men since you've changed sexes? Do you tell them? Do they know?

1:32:44 Um, well, I'm kind of afraid to tell them.

1:32:47 Adam You don't tell them. So do they know?

1:32:49 Well, one of them, um, one of them didn't know, and that's the most recent right now.

1:32:57 Adam Did you ever tell him?

1:32:58 No. And that's what I'm kind of afraid of too.

1:33:02 Adam Are you still with him?

1:33:03 Yeah.

1:33:04 Adam You're still with him. Okay. And he doesn't, he doesn't know?

1:33:09 No.

1:33:09 Adam And he doesn't, he doesn't suspect?

1:33:12 No. Uh-uh.

1:33:12 Adam Maybe he...

1:33:13 I've been cheating on him though with women.

1:33:15 Adam With women. And maybe he's...

1:33:17 He's really difficult.

1:33:19 Adam Well, maybe he was a woman who became a man and he's keeping that from you.

1:33:22 Drew You know, let's, let's, Jennifer, what we'll do, let's, we're gonna get Jennifer's phone number and check up on him, her again in the future and just see how she's getting along and what happens. Interesting story.

1:33:31 Adam Yeah. I got another 20 minutes I could do with him.

1:33:33 Christopher Titus And very well, Elliot, and very well adjusted, oddly enough, for a Christian, for a born-again Christian, penisless, sex change female who wants to go back.

1:33:44 Drew And a good sense of humor is the key thing here. As always. But I think as we get to know Jennifer, we'll find a lot of interesting stuff, I'm sure. A lot.

1:33:53 Adam I'd like to talk to her boyfriend too.

1:33:56 Drew We'll do that on the air. All right.

1:33:58 Adam I'd like to talk to everybody. So just get get Jennifer's number and that way we'll put together, we'll pass the hat, see if we can't buy a penis. We'll be back.

1:34:06 Caller Here it is.

1:34:07 Adam Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

1:34:09 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

1:34:12 Caller Call the Dateline. Call the Dateline.

1:34:13 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:34:14 Caller 1-877-889-DATE.

1:34:20 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready. Ready.

1:34:57 Adam Well, that is it for another interesting Loveline episode. Ubastank will be in here tomorrow night, and then David Alan Greer on Wednesday night, and then the best stuff on Thursday when you're not listening anyway. I want to thank Christopher Titus for coming in here. Always good to see him, and you should come in more.

1:35:18 Christopher Titus Thanks for having me on 930, Wednesdays hit show Fox Titus.

1:35:22 Adam That's right. Keep watching, keep that money rolling in. Daddy needs a new blower. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo. You got a good sense of humor for someone who wants their penis back. Do you get a new penis or do they give you the old one back? Where's that? With Disney somewhere?

1:35:44 Christopher Titus Some sort of preservation, tyrogenic penis like the vault.

1:35:51 Adam Let's see if we can get a black one this time.

1:35:54 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, November 19, 2001