Episode 1000754886926

1:02 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:13 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew. Oh, it is Dr. Drew. There we are. Dr. Drew is over there. He's back. We didn't know where he was last night, but that's all right. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Jay McGraw is our guest tonight. Jay is the author of Closing the Gap. It's a book about virginity. Right. That's exactly right. It's a strategy for bringing parents and teens together.

1:42 Drew That was his previous book, Filling the Gap.

1:44 Adam Filling the Gap. Yeah. I was just talking about a friend of mine, actually lots of friends of mine. Here's what I want to say. Jay, you're a young man.

1:54 Caller Let me hear it.

1:55 Adam How old are you? 22, 23?

1:57 Caller 22.

1:58 Adam 22 years old. Phil McGraw, the Oprah Phil, is Jay's father, by the way. And I think he came out here last time, Jay came out here. But here's what our listeners should understand. And Drew, wouldn't you say this is sort of the overall, if there's any message we could try to get across in the show, it is this. There's a period in your life that has to do with your friends and your family and mostly your family and your upbringing and everything. And it's a very short, relatively small period. It feels big when you're in it. That's sort of age from about three or four to about 13 or 14. Feels like forever. But when you stand back and look at an 85 year life, it's just a small, right, small part of it, just a little percentage of it. Small percentage. And depending on how that goes is depending on how the rest of the next 70 years of your life goes. And there's a small group of people who understand that. Even if it got f'd up, they go back and correct it. Even then, they walk with a limp, but they go about their life. And then there's everyone else. And those people are a product of that. And that is the rest of their life.

3:03 Drew That would be 99.9999% of this country.

3:07 Adam Wait, did you say six nines or seven nines?

3:09 Drew Somewhere between six and seven.

3:10 Caller Well, now that we're closing the gap out, it's back to six nines.

3:13 Adam Oh yes. Jay, Jay.

3:14 Drew That was his point.

3:16 Adam Jay's plan for this book was to get it down to 99.9999.

3:20 Caller Right, exactly.

3:22 Adam And people don't understand that. And if any of you, you don't understand it either. A lot of people that are listening. But wait till you get to be our age. You get a little bit older and you see the same friends doing the same things and blaming the same people over and over and over. And you don't go to school with them every day. You talk to them twice a year around the holidays or once in a while.

3:43 Caller Just to catch up, make sure everything is still screwed up like it was.

3:45 Adam And you'll hear the same screwed up stories over and over again.

3:49 Caller Oh, you're still smoking pot. Okay, good deal.

3:51 Adam Yeah, oh, you wish they would start smoking pot to be a step up. At least they'd have an excuse.

3:55 Drew I do have some good news though. California has joined the civilization. Women in California are now able to access emergency contraception without a prescription.

4:04 Adam Yay.

4:05 Drew As of January 1st. Listen to what the release says. I just want to do a handspring when I hear this. This contraceptive works by delaying ovulation and preventing fertilization, not by ending pregnancies. How many years have I been saying that?

4:17 Caller It's like Dr. Drew's dream day. This is.

4:20 Adam Right. Do you think that message will be now abundantly clear to all the people that were against it? All the pro-life whack jobs?

4:27 Drew But first of all.

4:28 Adam You think they're going to embrace the science now?

4:29 Drew At least we're here. We have the law on our side. Right. I would like to offer myself up for anyone who would like EC. They can use me as the physician, referring physician. I would like to be nationwide the EC doctor.

4:40 Caller Nationwide referring physician.

4:41 Drew You know what? I really, seriously, would like to set something like that up.

4:44 Adam Oh, go ahead. Go ahead.

4:46 Drew Call my office. I'll approve EC. I don't care where you are.

4:48 Adam What's EC? Okay. Just want to straighten that out.

4:52 Drew Hire an operator to deal with it.

4:53 Adam All right there, Drew. Good. Like I said, I'm sure all the folks have done a 180 on this now.

4:59 Drew Yeah, but this could be it. This could be, you know what I mean? I don't know what other states went down with this. This is the California Medical Association. All right.

5:05 Caller I think a lot will know about it, too. A lot of people will know that that's the case.

5:10 Drew Well, now they will.

5:11 Adam Well, let's talk just a little bit to Jay now. So anyway, we're going off on tangents here, but this book basically covers what?

5:20 Caller It basically covers what you were talking about. We do have 15, 18 years, whatever, of preparation to go out in the rest of our lives, and we're screwing it up. And parents are complaining, teenagers are complaining and saying, you know, what's the problem? I mean, if you think about it, when our parents were our age, like the racy songs where the Beatles, can I hold your hand or I want to hold your hand or whatever. And now we've got media saying, banging on the bathroom floor and what it feels like for a girl. There's a totally different world that we as young people are living in than did our parents. And we're wondering why there's a disconnect. We're wondering why we have nothing in common with our parents. And closing the gap is saying, OK, teenagers, here's how you can go and talk to your parents in a way that they don't look down on you, they don't always say no, and you have a relationship where you get the things that you need to mature and you get to do the things that you want to along the way. And parents, it's the same thing. Here's how you can set up a relationship that's beneficial for both of you in the short term as well as the long run.

6:21 Drew So this is for teens and parents?

6:22 Caller Yeah, that's right.

6:23 Adam I'm amazed, by the way, at the amount of parents that are sort of okay with their kids hating their guts. I would find that profoundly disturbing as a parent. I mean, I know these are, a lot of these are disturbed people, but we talk to so many people who, you know, some 17 year old, 18 year old chick, and you say, what about your dad? And they say, he's an asshole. And we say, when's the last time you talked to him? And they say, it's been four years.

6:48 Caller Yeah, I can't remember.

6:49 Adam And you say, where does he live? And they say, I don't know. And I think to myself, geez, you got a kid out there who is not only, your kid's not only just sort of Luke on you, your kid hates you. Doesn't that, that doesn't bother you at all?

7:02 Caller You know, something that I found with a lot of teenagers in talking to them in preparation for Closing The Gap and in response, one of the myths that I talk about in the book is, as a parent, you can't be your teenager's friend. So many parents think, I've got to be just, oh yeah, they think I got to be boot camp here or else I'm going to lose them. I'm going to have no respect. And so they do one of two things. They either exercise no authority and they just go drinking with them, or they're so strict that their teenagers absolutely hate them. And you don't have to go to one of those extremes. You can be their friend when things are going well, but be their parent when it's not. We only got two parents in this world, if we're lucky. And we got a bunch of friends at school, so don't ever think, as a parent, that you can't be our friend.

7:50 Drew Or that you need more friends.

7:51 Caller Yeah, that we need more friends. I mean, that you can't be our parent.

7:53 Drew We're not going to run off. Speaking of hating parents, there's a call along those lines.

7:57 Adam All right.

7:58 Drew Steve. Steve.

8:00 Adam What's up?

8:02 Caller Nothing much. Just my dad being kind of an asshole.

8:06 Drew There we go. Those are for you. These are for you.

8:09 Caller No, that book sounds good.

8:11 Caller It is real good.

8:14 Adam I'm sorry. I touched something on the console, and Drew spoke about it in the microphone.

8:19 Caller They're having their own little deal over there.

8:21 Adam It was my fault. I distracted Drew. I shouldn't have made that move. It's like when a trainer goes into a cage, he has to be careful to walk slowly.

8:29 Caller Well, you are in fact an animal, Adam.

8:31 Adam Drew, are you really going to leave it at just those are for you?

8:34 Drew No, I was going to get into it if you were going to let me.

8:36 Adam Go ahead.

8:37 Drew These are for you. These are cigars from Cuba. They're for you.

8:41 Adam Thank you.

8:42 Drew I have other things for you too. Okay.

8:44 Adam Thank you. Go ahead, Steve. I'm sorry.

8:48 Caller My dad will threaten to hit me and sometimes he does. He'll sock me in the chest or grab me and throw me down.

8:56 Drew Have you ever reported that?

8:57 Caller Have I what?

8:58 Drew Ever reported that?

8:59 Caller No.

9:00 Drew You ever thought about it?

9:01 Caller Yeah. That's one of the reasons I'm calling because I'll admit, I am spoiled.

9:08 Caller What do you do to make him hit you in the-

9:11 Caller Like sometimes we'll get in arguments over stupid stuff like just something little will blow up and he'll blow it up into really something big. I mean he'll go loose off of a broken channel changer and blame it on me.

9:22 Adam Well, what do you mean you're spoiled when the guy's punching you?

9:26 Caller No, no. Like I am kind of spoiled and I mean they give me motorcycle bikes to race and stuff.

9:33 Adam Listen, I'd let my dad sock me once in a while if he got me a goddamn motorcycle.

9:36 Drew Is he drinking when he does this?

9:39 Caller Uh, he drinks 24-7 anyway.

9:41 Drew Yeah, so this could be more about alcoholism than anything else. And by the way, there's nothing...

9:46 Caller I mean, there's really never much in him when he does that. I mean, it can be...

9:50 Caller Oh, there's always...

9:52 Caller .completely drunk.

9:53 Adam Well, what's he do for a living?

9:55 Caller He's a farmer.

9:57 Adam Wow, all right. Well...

9:58 Caller I can't blame him for drinking that.

9:59 Adam How about him sobering up? I mean, that seems like the angle.

10:02 Caller Yeah, we've tried that.

10:04 Adam It doesn't work?

10:05 Caller No. I mean, no matter what...

10:06 Caller Who's we?

10:07 Caller He's got a beer in his hand.

10:08 Caller Who's we?

10:10 Caller Like, me and my mom have tried.

10:12 Caller Yeah.

10:12 Drew Wait, what does that matter? Him stopping using alcohol has nothing to do with him. It has very little to do with him being sober. If you try to get him to stop drinking, but he not engaged in some form of treatment, which you're going to have with a pissed off, irritable, depressed guy.

10:27 Caller Yeah, true.

10:28 Drew And what you need to do is get him treated, so he learns other ways to manage those feelings other than the alcohol.

10:34 Caller Yeah.

10:35 Drew Just stopping drinking will not make him a lot better.

10:37 Adam Hey Steve.

10:38 Caller Yeah.

10:39 Adam Don't you think you could kick his ass, I mean, when he's drunk?

10:43 Caller Well, no. I mean, sometimes he'll be drunk, and sometimes he's sober, and he still acts the same way.

10:49 Caller Well, pick one of the times where he's drunk and kick his ass.

10:53 Adam Are you bigger than he is?

10:55 Caller No, not even close.

10:56 Adam Oh, really?

10:56 Caller That's an ass.

10:57 Caller He's probably 120, he's 190.

11:00 Adam That sucks.

11:00 Caller Well, you're at least a smart guy for not trying to kick his ass.

11:03 Adam All right, Steve, here's the deal.

11:05 Caller Talk. No, no, like, okay. I want to know what I should report or not.

11:08 Absolutely, yeah.

11:09 Caller Now I pay for my own bikes and everything.

11:11 Caller Look, hang up and call right now. Don't not report him because he's buying you a motorcycle.

11:15 Drew Don't protect him from the consequences of his disorder. Here's a-

11:18 Caller I pay for all my own stuff now. They don't pay for anything.

11:20 Drew I know. So you won't lose anything by reporting.

11:22 Caller They'll take a lot away from me if I do anything, or they'll put me in a foster home or something.

11:26 Caller I'd hang up right now and call.

11:28 Drew No. Just call Child Protective Services, Social Services Department, Department of Social Services locally where you are. Just discuss it with them and make a report.

11:37 Caller Andrew, what happens? I mean, he's got two parents. If he reports one-

11:41 Drew They're not likely to take him out of the home for a single episode, unless it was something horrible going on.

11:46 Adam Plus, he's 16. He should want to get the hell out of there. He's got a drunken farmer dad who's sucking him in the chest. That means it's just time to leave.

11:55 Drew He's 16, though.

11:56 Adam Yeah, he's on the cusp. But what I'm saying is, he's not going to put him with another family for the last 18 months, and then he'll have to go off somewhere.

12:04 Drew You know, as you mentioned at the opening of the show, the impact of having a drunken, physically abusive dad. Yeah.

12:10 Caller It's lifelong repercussions.

12:11 Drew Screws with your head.

12:12 Adam Oh, yeah, I don't. I wish my dad drank. I really do. Thank God, I could kick my dad's pussy ass by the age of 11. Have you ever seen my dad?

12:24 Drew Yeah, but he had his way with you. He just sat there and did nothing.

12:27 Adam He did nothing. He stalled me out, but he is such a pussy, my dad. I could kick his ass. Let me, Stephen Hawking could kick my dad's ass, beat his ass.

12:39 Caller I think when my dad's 80 and walking on a cane, he can still kick my ass.

12:42 Adam Your dad is a big guy.

12:44 Caller Yeah, he's a giant.

12:45 Adam What is he, 6'4?

12:46 Caller He's like 6'4, 250.

12:50 Adam Yeah, he's got that mustache. He's got that ass kicking mustache.

12:53 Caller He's got that bald head that just like-

12:55 Adam Yeah, he could butt you with it.

12:56 Caller Jack with me bucko.

12:57 Adam He could charge you with it.

12:58 Caller That's right.

12:59 Adam There's nothing to grab on to if you get him in a headlock.

13:01 Caller No, I've tried.

13:02 Drew Slide off.

13:03 Adam He's really the ultimate warrior that Phil McGraw.

13:05 Caller When he gets real mad, he rubs Vaseline on the top so he slide. It's like the old football tricks.

13:10 Drew We're going to get a little ass on Phil here tonight.

13:13 Adam Yeah, I don't know. That's a whole weird thing because as I've, I don't know if I mentioned but my dad is such a colossal pussy.

13:22 Drew You've never mentioned that.

13:23 Adam I think he did mention that.

13:24 Caller No, no, no.

13:25 Drew I was shocked to hear that.

13:25 Adam He is such a puss that I had zero fear of him from age six and a half, seven on.

13:32 Caller From about the time I developed the emotion of fear, I didn't have it for my dad.

13:37 Adam Right. I mean, I could have kicked his ass when I had jammies with the feet in him. Could have stuffed one of my jammy feet up his ass.

13:44 Drew Be fair. That was a couple of weeks ago.

13:46 Adam That's right. I do walk around in those. The point is, it would be weird having a big drunken dad floating around the house, wondering if he was going to come in and beat your ass or not. That is going to freak you out.

13:59 Caller I think weird would work for that. Yeah.

14:01 Adam Yeah. Weird, bad.

14:02 Caller Speaking of weird, I don't know if you guys saw on, I guess it was MTV the other night, this deal called furries. These people.

14:10 Drew I've heard about this.

14:11 Caller That is some weird stuff right there.

14:13 Drew What's a furry? Sexually aroused with these cartoon animals.

14:16 Caller Yeah. They get dressed up like mascots.

14:18 Adam Oh, no.

14:19 Caller That's some weird stuff.

14:21 Drew We gotta keep moving. Yeah. We gotta get something else going.

14:23 Caller Moving along.

14:24 Drew But we had someone describe how they work in a place where these guys come and pay to dress up like ponies and pull little Cinderella carts behind them.

14:36 Caller Oh, man. There's some weird cats out there.

14:39 Adam Hey, I've said it before. I'll say it again. It takes all kinds. Here's what I'd like to bring back into the lexicon of American Conversation. It takes all kinds and to the tune of.

14:52 Drew To the tune of.

14:53 Adam Those are the two things I'm working on.

14:54 Caller You're working on to the tune of, huh?

14:55 Adam Right. Erin?

14:57 Drew Yeah?

14:57 Adam You're 22?

14:58 Drew Yeah.

14:58 Adam Hi. Hi. What's up?

15:01 Caller Not much. I'm sitting in my bed knitting.

15:04 Adam You've been on hold to the tune of 33 Minutes.

15:07 Caller Oh, really?

15:08 Caller Yeah. Nice job, Adam. Thanks.

15:09 Caller Well, I was listening to the show because I'm in Manhattan, so.

15:12 Adam So what's up?

15:14 Caller I just had a question I've been meaning to call like for a long time because I just, I don't know, I was just home for the holidays. My cousins now live next door to me. When they were growing up, they didn't. They just moved in about three years ago. But there's three of them. Two of them are twins and they're 14, and then their older sister's 16. When I was younger, their father was just always the weird uncle and the whole, the name Tommy, the uncle Ernie, his name. But anyway.

15:50 Drew What did he do?

15:52 Caller He wasn't really sexually abusive to my sister and my other girl cousins.

15:56 Drew What did he do? We heard about three and a half minutes on his name to tell us what he actually did.

16:02 Caller Well, he was always kind of, you know, saying things to my sister and I about, you know, he took a picture of himself naked once. I've just heard weird stories.

16:11 Drew Beautiful. And what did he do with that picture?

16:13 Caller He showed it to my sister and was like, here, get rid of this.

16:16 Drew And how old were you at the time? Or was she?

16:19 Caller Oh, she was probably about maybe 14.

16:23 Drew Right. So that's way out of bounds, right? Yeah.

16:25 Caller And for me, like, I mean, it happened when, I mean, for me, it was just little things like, you know, rub my belly or do this when I was about Or do what?

16:34 Caller Yeah. What's the or this?

16:35 Drew You're going to have to be more specific with this.

16:36 Caller Come on.

16:37 Caller Well, I don't even really remember. That's the thing.

16:40 Drew What's the worst thing?

16:41 Caller Come on.

16:42 Caller The worst thing for me personally.

16:44 Drew Yes, you personally.

16:45 Adam Sad.

16:46 Caller I think it was just when he would say like-

16:47 Caller Incest.

16:49 Caller No, I mean, I don't even know if that's- My biggest fear right now is that I don't think it happened to me or my sister, but I'm worried if it happened to my cousin.

16:58 Drew How are they doing? Do they have problems?

17:00 Caller No, but they're a little bit, I mean, when I look at them now and when I was their age, I was more emotionally mature than they are now.

17:08 Caller What makes you think that- What makes you think something's happening?

17:11 Drew And be fair, this is their father we're talking about here. Even if he's not overtly abusive, he's still a jerk.

17:18 Caller I mean, but the thing is now that I've noticed it, I was home for the holidays, and now that the girls are older, I don't think anything really happened now, but we have two young girls that just moved in across the street, and I see the way he, like, they'll come in that, you know, the family will come in the house, and he'll grab one of the little girls and take them in the basement.

17:41 Caller Oh, whoa.

17:42 Drew Adam, what do you want to ask?

17:43 Caller And well, the thing is, is if I address, I've addressed it to my mom and dad, and they're like, no, you know, don't, it's no reason to say anything, and you know if you would say anything to those people.

17:53 Adam Aaron, shut up.

17:55 Caller All right.

17:56 Adam Now stay shut up for a second.

17:57 Caller Okay.

17:58 Adam How old are your cousins?

18:00 Drew Fourteen, did you say?

18:01 Caller Fourteen and sixteen.

18:02 Adam Fourteen and sixteen. And this is whose, what relation to your parents is this guy? Is this someone's brother?

18:10 Caller My mother's sister's husband. It's my mother's brother-in-law.

18:12 Drew By marriage.

18:14 Adam Okay. And are your parents relatively sane?

18:17 Caller Oh, they're totally, yeah, they're totally sane.

18:18 Drew Were your mother's parents sane?

18:21 Caller Yes.

18:22 Drew And how about the father, particularly? Grandpa.

18:25 Caller My mother's father?

18:26 Drew Yeah.

18:27 Caller Oh, yeah, he was great. I mean, dig it down.

18:29 Caller Okay. Is this guy still married to your mom's sister?

18:32 Caller Yeah.

18:33 Caller Yeah, okay.

18:34 Caller And they're total, I mean, it's an unhealthy relationship. They never talk about the whole thing, you know.

18:37 Adam Okay. Do you think you can try, forget about your dad, because this is your mother's sister, right? Right. Try sitting down with your mom and having a serious conversation without accusations. Just have a conversation with your mom about this guy and tell her some of the things he did to you and your sister.

18:57 Caller Well, that's the thing I have. I mean, I've sat down with her before and said, and I'm, you know.

19:02 Adam And she, and what does she say?

19:04 Caller You know, well, you know what that would mean for the family. They live right next door.

19:09 Caller Oh boy.

19:10 Drew That's not a good response.

19:11 Caller Their relationship.

19:12 Caller So she believes you. You told her everything that happened and she believed it.

19:16 Caller Oh, and her other sister knows it. They all know it.

19:18 Drew Oh, nice.

19:20 Caller I'll hide it.

19:21 Adam Hold on a second. Know it? What's it?

19:25 Drew That he's weird.

19:25 Adam That he's, yeah, screwed up. I know, but.

19:28 Drew They're worried about him, that there's something wacky, something inappropriate about him.

19:32 Adam But I'm not quite sure whether the mom knows or thinks he's doing some molesting and wants to kind of gloss over it or just thinks that Erin's just sort of running off at the mouth and she should calm down. And I don't get the idea that Erin gets good reads off of people. Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying?

19:52 Caller She's kind of sugarcoats a few things as well.

19:54 Drew She glosses.

19:55 Caller Yeah.

19:56 Adam Well, she's moving so fast. I'm not sure if anything sticks.

20:00 Drew Yeah.

20:00 Adam Let me try one more time. Erin? Yeah. So is your mom a sane person?

20:06 Drew Yeah.

20:07 Adam I mean, is she really a smart person?

20:10 Caller Yes, she's very smart.

20:11 Drew But why, if she really believed there was something going on, would she want to sort of sweep this under the carpet? Is it that she doesn't really believe something's happening?

20:19 Caller No. I mean, I've tried to explain it to her.

20:22 Drew No, no, no. Up, up, up, up.

20:23 Adam Shut up and answer the question.

20:24 Drew Does she really perhaps not believe that there's anything to your allegations?

20:30 Caller Perhaps.

20:30 Drew Okay. And that's why she doesn't want to... She doesn't want to bring this all out in the face of it being probably, in her point of view, not something of consequence.

20:41 Caller Did you, I mean, did you tell her specifically what was going on, or did you just say, I think, you know, unka's a little weird over there?

20:48 Caller Well, I mentioned, you know, we talked about it when we were younger, and even now, about how, you know, in the past, what things had happened, little things.

20:56 Adam Like what?

20:58 Drew Hold on.

20:58 Adam Tell them about the nude picture?

21:00 Caller Yeah.

21:00 Caller And did you... No. Did you tell your mom about the picture?

21:03 Adam Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

21:04 Caller She knows all about that.

21:05 Adam And what was her reaction?

21:07 Caller She thinks it's awful and gross, and everyone in her whole family knows it. You know, and this is the thing, as I've been talking to her brother, who completely agrees with me, that it's, you know...

21:19 Caller I find it hard to believe that an entire family of people agree with you that uncle is molesting kids, and nobody will do anything about it.

21:27 Drew And if your brother or your uncle, the true uncle, really believes there's something going on, team up with the family members that are of like mind, and let's go ahead and do something here.

21:35 Adam Okay.

21:36 Drew Whatever that is, you make up your mind, do something here. It's time.

21:39 Adam I get the feeling when Stacey cranks it up, everyone sort of closes up shop. Do you know what I mean? Like, if your ears were like a storefront...

21:51 Drew Or like a shark's eyelids.

21:53 Adam No, I picture...

21:54 Caller It's like the metal grades that go down at the mall.

21:55 Adam I picture the person's head being like a store in Mexico around siesta time. I picture rolling down, rolling down the security bars over the ears, flipping the sign. Do not disturb.

22:11 Caller TV gets a little louder.

22:13 Adam TV gets a little louder. The people sink back a little deeper into the sea.

22:16 Caller Oh, and it's another story time.

22:18 Adam There's that deep exhale.

22:20 Drew Well, it's kind of like when Adam talks, strangely enough.

22:23 Caller Isn't that weird?

22:24 Adam Yes.

22:26 Drew Yeah, this is the alternative. Could be hearing this when she talks.

22:29 Adam All right. Jay McGraw is our guest. He's written a book called Closing the Gap. It's a strategy for bringing parents and teens together. We will talk more about that to him and you and us and all that after this.

22:44 Hello? Is this Loveline?

22:45 Caller Call 1-800-LOVE-191. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

23:22 Adam Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. System of a Down will be in here on Thursday night. Jay McGraw is in here tonight. Jay has written a book called Closing the Gap. It's a strategy for bringing parents and teens together. You may know his dad, Phil, Dr. Phil from The Oprah Show. How's Dr. Phil's show doing?

23:44 Caller Starts in September, so.

23:46 Adam Oh, geez. I thought it was on.

23:47 Caller No.

23:48 Adam It's not on? I don't know. I don't watch Oprah.

23:52 Caller It's going to be better than that.

23:53 Adam Better than Oprah?

23:55 Caller Better than people not knowing when it's on.

23:57 Adam Oh, okay. It seems like this Dr. Phil show, it just didn't this show that-

24:03 Drew It's been talked about for a long time.

24:04 Adam It's been around for a while. It just, I would have assumed that it was out already.

24:08 Caller No. It's going to be September 9th.

24:11 Adam September 9th. Jesus, what? Wait a minute. September 9th?

24:16 Drew A few months away.

24:17 Caller After summer.

24:19 Adam A few months away? It's a year away, Brian.

24:21 Caller Right after August. So nine months.

24:23 Drew Right after August.

24:25 Adam You're saying it's after August?

24:27 Drew OK.

24:28 Adam I just mean it's been, it seems like it's been some time. That's all right. What's the show? What's he going to do? Talk to people? Probably.

24:36 Caller Yeah, I think so.

24:37 Adam What time is it on? Where?

24:39 Caller It's going to be on either 3 or 4 o'clock. If Oprah's on at 4, it's going to be on at 3. If Oprah's on at 3, it's going to be on at 4.

24:44 Adam It's going to piggyback.

24:45 Caller It's going to be on at 4 in Los Angeles, 3 in New York, 3 in Dallas.

24:51 Adam Is there pressure for you having a successful dad who's bigger than you are?

24:57 Caller That's bigger than I am. No, not particularly.

25:01 Adam No?

25:01 Caller No, it works pretty good for me.

25:03 Adam Does he put pressure on you?

25:05 Caller No, he's good about it.

25:06 Adam Would he mind if you just want to work at a bike shop or something?

25:12 Caller Probably, yeah.

25:13 Adam He would?

25:13 Yeah.

25:15 Caller If I wanted to sell Nikes or something.

25:17 Adam What if you want gay? No, what if you want gay? You wouldn't go for that either?

25:22 Caller I don't know. I have no intention of finding out.

25:25 Adam You want to try? Oh, okay. I just farted you out. I was inviting you.

25:30 Caller Adam, I don't know what you're into over there.

25:32 Adam We could have a pretty good life together. You're writing your books and me hanging out.

25:36 Right.

25:38 Adam You want another cup of coffee, honey? All right. I'm going to be down at the Model Toys. I'm going to be down messing with the Model Airplanes.

25:45 Caller I'm going to go play with some toys.

25:47 Adam Keep writing, baby. Want a little hummer while you're at the computer?

25:51 Caller I've noticed Adam is really good at just hanging out. That's the kind of job I'm looking for, somewhere I get paid real well to just hang out.

25:58 Adam I would be the world's greatest wife. I would be so good. I'd take care of that house.

26:03 Caller Right.

26:04 Adam Make my man a nice breakfast every morning. We eat breakfast around noon, right? That's when I get up.

26:10 Drew Yeah.

26:11 Caller You said morning.

26:12 Adam Drew bought me a nice gift. He brought me some Cuban cigars. He stole from Fidel Castro when he was-

26:19 Drew No, actually, I had a license to bring him in.

26:21 Adam Oh, you did?

26:22 Drew There's such a thing. I never knew about it.

26:23 Adam Cigar license? Wow. Andy got me some beautiful shave cream.

26:28 Drew See if you like to use it.

26:29 Adam I will use it. Thank you.

26:31 Drew Try it.

26:32 Adam Right now?

26:32 Drew No, no. I really want you to try that.

26:34 Adam Okay. Thank you. Let's go back to the phones and speak to Stacey who's 19. Stacey?

26:40 Caller Hi.

26:41 Adam Hey.

26:43 Caller Are you all ready for the question?

26:45 Drew Yeah, I'd say so.

26:46 Caller Okay. Well, when I'm having sex with my boyfriend, my vagina becomes irritated.

26:53 Caller Classic Loveline.

26:56 Drew How long into the whole interaction does that take?

27:00 Caller It does take a while.

27:02 Drew How long before it starts getting irritated?

27:05 Caller Probably about five, ten minutes.

27:07 Drew Ten minutes is not uncommon for someone to start to get irritation. Is he using a condom?

27:12 Caller Yes.

27:12 Drew Yeah, especially with a condom.

27:14 Adam Okay, but is it ten minutes?

27:15 Drew Or five minutes.

27:16 Adam Ten minutes?

27:18 Caller I'm not sitting there with a stopwatch. I really don't know.

27:20 Drew It just seems like ten minutes.

27:21 Caller Is it ten minutes according to you or according to him?

27:24 Adam Right. I mean, would it be three songs on the radio? That's what I'm saying.

27:29 Caller I'm sorry. I would say more ten minutes.

27:32 Caller Come on, get your facts straight.

27:33 Adam All right, ten minutes.

27:35 Caller It can be anywhere in between that.

27:36 Drew Is that too long for you, you think? I mean, do you need it to be that long?

27:40 Caller Well, I'm still enjoying it, I guess. I'm still continuing at that time. So that's really a bad thing until it starts to become a little irritated. I'm not sure if there's something that I can do or use to make that irritation go away.

27:56 Drew Are you lubricating normally?

27:59 Caller Are we lubricating?

28:01 Drew Are you lubricating normally?

28:03 Caller Yes.

28:05 Drew You think what I'm thinking, Adam?

28:06 Adam Yeah. I want to get out of here?

28:09 Caller Yeah.

28:09 Adam So I was thinking, let's go home. Let's go to Cuba. Hey, Cuba. Hey, Stacey, what Drew is saying is not, are you using lubrication, but are you moist down there?

28:22 Caller Yes, I got what he's saying.

28:23 Adam You're doing that, that's okay?

28:25 Drew Yeah.

28:25 Adam How about using? How about supplementing God's juices with some of some manmade stuff?

28:32 Caller I haven't tried that before, but-

28:34 Adam It's probably a good idea.

28:35 Drew That would be a good place to start.

28:36 Adam It seems like the condom. Yeah. Why don't you start there?

28:40 Okay.

28:42 Adam Start with a little lubrication and a little KY or Astro Cry.

28:46 Drew Make sure you can't use the petroleum based stuff that dissolves the condom.

28:51 Caller Oh, it does. Okay. Thanks. My friend has a question here.

28:55 Caller Oh, nice.

28:56 Drew What's her question?

28:58 Am I able to talk now?

28:59 Drew Yeah.

29:00 All right. When I'm having sex with my boyfriend after a while, actually the first couple of thrusts or whatever, it feels like I'm almost having an episiotomy. The bottom is ripped. It feels each time.

29:14 Drew Do you actually bleed or anything happened to you?

29:16 I don't believe I've bled.

29:18 Drew Is there irritation?

29:20 Caller How do you not know that?

29:22 Drew God. Let me think. I didn't need a transfusion or anything.

29:26 Yeah, it's heavy flowing now.

29:29 Drew Stacey, do you feel irritated after the fact?

29:33 Caller Yeah, well, I had to stop eventually because it gets sore.

29:39 Caller Well, you girls are just a house full of fun over there.

29:42 Adam Why don't you two go lesbian?

29:44 Caller Yeah.

29:46 Here's your cure.

29:47 Drew They weren't made for me, not you?

29:48 Adam I may be going with the lube. Why don't you borrow some of Stacey's lube?

29:53 Drew Yeah, I accept, though, she's having pain at the beginning. People with vaginismus and muscular spasms sometimes feel a tearing sensation, even though it's not.

30:02 Adam Right.

30:03 Caller I think doctors make up words sometimes like vaginismus.

30:05 Drew Oh, absolutely. It's just to make it seem highly dramatic.

30:08 Caller Right. Very technical.

30:10 Adam I like molluscum contagiosis.

30:13 Drew Isn't that nice?

30:14 Adam Al? Al?

30:17 Yes, sir?

30:17 Adam You're 35. What's up there, buddy?

30:19 Caller Is this Adam?

30:20 Adam That's right.

30:21 Caller Oh, guys, I'm honored to be talking to you guys.

30:23 Adam Thank you.

30:23 Caller Oh, man.

30:24 Caller Anybody that calls Adam, sir, I'm a little worried about.

30:27 Drew See, Jay's only been on the show twice.

30:28 Caller Honestly, I can relate to Adam in a lot of ways. I'm 35 and I've been through a lot of things like Adam with his parents. Anyways, my question is about my penis when I jacks. Well, according to my wife and everything, I was like a regular Peter North. I could jack weight in large quantity. I could jack weight over my head. The semen would be propelled out.

30:54 Adam Over your head while you're laying down?

30:58 Caller Yeah.

30:58 Adam Okay.

30:59 Caller So now-

31:00 Caller Don't stand behind me.

31:03 Caller Now, this happened a year ago. From Monday to the next, now the semen just basically dribbles out very small quantities.

31:11 Caller Thank you so much.

31:14 Drew I'm getting a great visual here.

31:17 Caller Yeah. I went to go see my urologist, and he said that it's normal for my age, and I feel like something's really wrong.

31:25 Drew Why do you have a urologist?

31:27 Caller Excuse me?

31:27 Drew Why do you have a urologist? You're pretty young to be getting into that.

31:30 Caller Oh, no.

31:31 Adam Okay.

31:32 Caller This happened from Monday to the next. I thought there was something wrong. So I went to see my regular physician.

31:37 Adam He went to a urologist.

31:38 Drew So they sent you to the urologist?

31:40 Caller I was referred to a urologist.

31:41 Drew Are you on a medication?

31:43 Caller No, sir. No.

31:44 Drew Nothing?

31:45 Caller Nothing at all. The only thing I could say, right before that incident, I had a swollen testicle. And the doctor couldn't figure out what caused it. He gave me an antiseptic, because he said I had a urinary tract infection, also, and antiseptic cleared everything up. But soon after that...

32:04 Drew Is there any irritation of the penis? None at all. There's no irritation along the...

32:10 Adam Along the what? No, he said no.

32:13 Drew Well, here's the deal. This is where I'm thinking.

32:16 Adam He had a bad line, so I put him on hold.

32:18 Drew He probably had Epididymitis, which is sort of an inflammation or infection of the top of the testy. And sometimes that can be associated with prostate infections, and occasionally the penis can become irritated and flamed. It can cause sort of a form of Peyronies, where they get little areas of irritation on the shaft, and it can make difficulty with arousal and erection. And sometimes, as simple as being on an anti-inflammatory and taking vitamin E.

32:41 Caller I think you're using drugs.

32:42 Adam But what, now, how does, let me ask you this. Different guys have different abilities in terms of projecting their semen, okay? And different ranges. That's a strange thing. Doesn't seem to be connected to any other part of the body. Meaning a bigger, stronger guy's semen wouldn't necessarily come out further.

33:02 Caller Bigger and stronger.

33:04 Adam Than a weaker man, right? But eventually, that's got to drop off as you get older. I mean, I haven't seen many guys in their 80s beating off, and I certainly don't have anything.

33:16 Caller Thank God for that.

33:17 Drew Except for-

33:18 Adam I said many. Right.

33:19 Drew They're as engaged in ventrilojism.

33:22 Adam I have no idea what you're talking about.

33:23 Caller He's making up words again.

33:25 Adam But here's my point. What are you talking about, ventrilojism? Drew must have heard that somewhere.

33:31 Caller Come on, Drew.

33:33 Adam I'm spitting it out. I know. But what does that mean? How does that mean, ventrilojism?

33:36 Drew Ventriloquism, who can project their voice wherever they want.

33:39 Adam Oh, ventrilojism. Oh, gotcha.

33:41 Drew Mr. Smart Guy.

33:42 Adam That's fine, except for I didn't know how it pertained to the 80-year-old guys.

33:47 Drew I see.

33:47 Adam That's where the confusion was. If you had said it earlier. Yeah. But that's not bad. Not bad. Throwing your jism.

33:54 Caller Right.

33:55 Adam Ventrilojism.

33:56 Drew Nice.

33:58 Adam Now, when you're 80, I'm guessing it's not coming out as far as it was when you were 15 or 17.

34:04 Caller Right.

34:05 Adam Right?

34:06 Caller But they go from like 10 feet to driveline in about a week.

34:09 Drew It's usually not a sudden thing.

34:11 Caller Right.

34:11 Drew And it's usually not at 35.

34:12 Adam Okay.

34:13 Drew A couple of years later.

34:14 Adam Well, the point is, as a urologist.

34:17 Drew I'm a little dismayed that they didn't try some things and look into it a little more. They just sort of blew them off. Like, yeah, no big deal. Because it's something.

34:23 Adam We'll listen to them. Well, you mean it's something that this is happening?

34:29 Drew It means something, yeah. I think it deserves a real explanation.

34:32 Adam Well, what is the muscle that propels the semen?

34:36 Drew The pubococcygeal muscle. But it's not so much the... it's also the plumbing. Yeah, the plumbing, too. And the level of arousal and erection. A lot of stuff goes into it.

34:46 Adam So might he seek a second opinion?

34:48 Drew I think it's a great idea. Like I said, I think there might be a perone and an epithetomitis and some other stuff.

34:52 Adam Okay. So, Al, seek a second opinion. I know you thought that's what you're doing tonight, but you're wrong.

34:57 Drew Maybe 800 units.

34:58 Adam Deadly wrong.

34:58 Drew 800 units of vitamin E in the meantime.

35:00 Caller Seek a third opinion. The second opinion is another opinion.

35:02 Drew I shouldn't take vitamin E. That's harmless.

35:04 Adam Right.

35:04 Drew It might help.

35:05 Adam Kenneth, you're 14?

35:07 Caller Yeah.

35:08 Adam You want to know if it's okay to masturbate in the pool?

35:10 Caller Yeah, because of chlorine and stuff.

35:12 Adam Okay. Hold on. Who's pool?

35:15 Caller It's like a community pool.

35:16 Drew Oh, nice.

35:17 Adam Good times.

35:17 Caller Yes.

35:18 Drew Good times.

35:20 Caller Yeah.

35:20 Caller Whip it out of the community pool. Good idea.

35:22 Adam How much privacy do you have in the community pool?

35:25 Caller No. They're pretty secluded little pools.

35:29 Caller Pretty secluded little pools. Oh, come on, man.

35:32 Drew All right.

35:33 Adam Hang on.

35:34 Drew Yes. Momentarily.

35:38 Adam This is why you got to stay out of this public pools because it's either you get raped or worse. I'm putting this under the worst category. Jay McGraw is our guest tonight. He has written himself a book, Closing the Gap. It's a strategy to bring parents and teens together, and we'll talk more with him and more with Kenneth in his pool procedure after this.

36:02 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

36:36 Adam Hey, everybody, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, Jay McGraw is here tonight. He is a young author. Closing the Gap is the name of his latest book, A Strategy for Bringing Parents and Teens Together. Jay's dad, you know, is a Dr. Phil, right? Yeah. From Oprah and going to have his own show in September, which I thought would be in its fifth season by September. But he's going to tell, you know, every time I see your dad, I just think of, I think of Winchester from Mash. It becomes distracting for me.

37:13 Caller Yeah?

37:13 Adam Yeah.

37:14 Caller You know, I think of the Hey Now guy, Hank Kingsley.

37:17 Adam Yes.

37:18 Caller Hey Now.

37:19 Adam Better. Yes, he's more of him than he is of Winchester. You're exactly right. Kenneth?

37:26 Caller Yeah.

37:27 Adam Okay. So you claim to beat off in a public pool?

37:31 Caller It's not like really public.

37:33 Caller All right.

37:34 Drew Let's not argue about that.

37:34 Caller But it's not in your backyard.

37:36 Drew How many people swim in this pool per day, let's say?

37:39 Caller Like one person maybe.

37:41 Drew One person per day. Are they like ponds or they actually cement, you know, gun-nited swimming pools?

37:47 No, they're actual pools.

37:48 Drew All right.

37:49 Caller How are there multiple, like come on, where are you going?

37:54 Well, I don't know. It feels like, it feels like, it feels like, it feels what?

37:59 Adam All right. Here's the point of this show. The point of this show is we're human beings, and we have non-humans calling this show, and non-humans speak in their own language. And we, as human beings, have difficulty glossing over a lot of the stuff that the people say. I beat off in a public pool.

38:19 Caller But it's not public.

38:20 Adam What kind of public pool is this? Well, it's not really a public pool. Well, whose pool is it? Well, it's not mine. Well, how many people go in there? Well, maybe one. And we're all so caught on that. And I'm caught on it just as much as you guys are because now I got to know. I know. Where is this pool? Is it at school? Is it at the Y? Is it at some park that's seldom used? It's not his own. It's not his neighbors. Where is this magical one-man pool? One-man per day pool.

38:50 Caller I think the county built it for him.

38:52 Adam Now, this, unfortunately, because our callers, a lot of them are subhuman, as I've said, this does not seem peculiar to our callers at all. And they will keep moving forward.

39:01 Drew I heard one of your calls last night where they actually invented a new unit of measurement.

39:05 Adam Yes, the guy was 5'12.

39:07 Drew 5'12, nearly 6 feet.

39:08 Adam Nearly 6.

39:09 Caller I'm like, nice.

39:11 Caller 5'12.

39:12 Adam That was last night. So, now, because we're all fixated, and I'll assume that our sober listeners are fixated on this, too, I gotta know. So you guys just be quiet. Let me get the answer.

39:25 Drew Let me first answer his question. Let's get that over with, and then we can get on with the information we want.

39:29 Adam Okay.

39:29 Drew First of all, it will not hurt him to masturbate in the pool.

39:32 Adam It will not.

39:32 Drew People have sex in the pool. Their penises survive.

39:34 Adam Right.

39:36 Drew I worry about everyone else, and the other person that might use the pool the next day.

39:39 Caller Yeah.

39:40 Adam But the chlorine content will kill whatever's in there.

39:44 Caller But come on.

39:44 Drew You want to be the one in the pool next day?

39:46 Caller I'm not encouraging this guy to-

39:47 Drew No, I wouldn't do it. No. But okay, now let's find out.

39:49 Adam According to him, it's only one guy who uses the pool, and he's probably beating off too. Kenneth? Yeah. I'm going to ask you a series of questions, so we can try to determine where this pool is and what this pool is. Okay? All right. Now stay with me. Is it somehow related to school? No. No. Is it involved with the municipal park system? No. No. Is it a-

40:13 Drew That was a funny question, Adam. How dare you?

40:15 Adam Okay. I'm sorry.

40:16 Drew You're a funny guy.

40:17 Adam I'm sorry. You realize you have to explore every angle. Hide the comedian in you. Is it on your property?

40:23 Yeah.

40:24 Caller Sort of.

40:25 Adam Sort of?

40:26 Caller All right.

40:27 I'll explain. It's like a community, and it's a homeowner's community, and there's like seven pools in the place.

40:32 Adam So it's like a condominium?

40:34 Caller Yeah.

40:35 Adam Okay. So it's a pool at your condo?

40:37 Caller Yeah.

40:37 Drew And there are multiple pools? Yeah. Are you talking about the jacuzzi?

40:42 Caller They have a jacuzzi in the pool, but yeah.

40:45 Drew And only one person uses the pool?

40:46 Adam Hold on. Hold on.

40:47 Caller Because there's nobody there when he's there.

40:49 Adam Listen, Dilweed, are we talking about the jacuzzi?

40:53 Caller No.

40:54 Adam Yes, I see. Okay. So next time Drew says, are we talking about a jacuzzi? Don't say, there's a jacuzzi there. And a pool. This is how you play 20 Questions. Is this some sort of singing? Is this a celebrity that might have? He has been on TV, but he does not have a TV show. That's 19. Next? Who's next? Jay? Jesus Christ. Oh, just look, just beat off into a rag and then sniff it. That's my advice to you, you idiot.

41:28 Caller Oh.

41:29 Adam Carlos?

41:31 Yes.

41:31 Adam Say you're beating off at the pool that's in your condo. Go ahead, Carlos. You're 17.

41:37 Caller First of all, I'd like to say you guys are great, both of you.

41:41 Adam Thanks.

41:41 Caller Now, my question was, my girlfriend called about a month ago, and she wanted to know what she could do for her birth control. Which one would be good? And she mentioned that I did research on the Internet and found that it could cause breast cancer.

41:55 Adam Oh, yes. I do remember this call.

41:57 Caller And then Drew said that the information was wrong and there's a million things on there, right?

42:01 Drew No, no. What I said was that if she had very high probability of cancer, like all her sisters and her mother and her grandparents, yes, then definitely it'd be something to look into. But as a cause of breast cancer, that is something that is highly unlikely and certainly not been proven.

42:19 Caller Oh, okay. Yes, she didn't mention that her family does have a cause of...

42:26 Drew All of her sisters and her mother and her grandmother.

42:29 Caller Well, her mother, her mother, yes, and her grandmother. Now her sister. She doesn't have any sisters. And her mother...

42:34 Drew How old were the mother and grandmother when they had it?

42:37 Caller I don't recall. Her mother maybe 40, 35, but she passed away about 10 years ago.

42:42 Drew All right. So as a young woman, that's something that certainly is worth looking into. She ought to be already being screened for the cancer.

42:50 Caller Yeah, I think she is screened. All right. She says she was screened like every year when she was little, but I don't think she's been for a good two years.

42:57 Drew Well, I don't know, which is little does not relevant.

43:00 Caller Here's an idea. Let's wait till it's relevant and quit doing it.

43:02 Adam Yeah, wait a minute. Carlos, her mother passed away of breast cancer.

43:08 Caller Yeah.

43:08 Adam And her grandmother passed away of breast cancer.

43:11 Caller Yeah. Okay.

43:13 Adam And she was being screened for breast cancer when she was little.

43:16 Drew A child?

43:17 Caller Well, no, I don't think so. I'm not really sure.

43:19 Drew No, she wasn't. Okay, let's be clear about it.

43:21 Caller She wasn't. But I mean, I'm sure that she mentioned to me that, I mean, they were like trying to watch her for that.

43:27 Drew Yeah.

43:27 Adam Okay. So hormonal birth control would not be good for her?

43:32 Drew Might not. It's a decision that should be made with her doctor. It's a special case. And in fact, there may need to be some more aggressive sort of interventions for her. I mean, for instance, people might use estrum block and like tamoxifen. They might do mastectomies preemptively.

43:46 Caller She was trying to get the injection. What's it called?

43:49 Drew Depo provera.

43:52 Caller I'm not sure. The one is three months.

43:54 Drew Depo provera.

43:54 Caller Yeah, depo. Okay.

43:57 Caller Yeah, yeah, depo.

43:58 Adam It's all pulling. It's just got to be pulling teeth. Even if you get it right, it's teeth pulling.

44:03 Caller It was hard because since her parents don't know and it's going to be like at a plant parenthood, so it's kind of hard to hide it. I mean, it's kind of hard to get it through doctors and get really good help.

44:15 Drew No. Why is it hard?

44:16 Caller Well, because would they be able to help us out at a plant parenthood?

44:21 Drew At a plant parenthood or her usual doctor, whoever's screening her for the breast cancer, she should be able to talk to completely confidentially.

44:27 Caller I know, but the thing is it's hard for her because her parents keep her really locked down.

44:32 Drew Then why doesn't she call that doctor and talk to him or her?

44:35 Caller I mean, I don't know.

44:35 Drew Just call him on the phone and say, how would it feel? Are you okay with me going to Planned Parenthood and getting the shot? Is that a smart thing for me to do or is that going to interfere with the screening process we're involved with?

44:48 Caller If she doesn't do that, would-

44:49 Caller Just do that. That's the thing.

44:52 Caller I don't think she can. I mean, it's really, really locked down.

44:54 Drew She can't use a telephone?

44:56 Caller I mean, I don't even get-

44:58 Caller If she can't, hey, well, if she can't even call the-

45:00 Adam How are you humping her if you can't even talk to her?

45:02 Caller If she can't even call the doctor, you don't need birth control.

45:05 Adam Yeah, well, how do you hump her?

45:08 Caller Well, like during recess, something like that.

45:13 Drew Well, then there's also phones around during recess.

45:15 Caller Skip a day, skip a day and call the doctor.

45:18 Caller Okay.

45:18 Drew Seriously. It's a decision she needs to make with her doctor. It probably is fine. Well, listen- I wouldn't say just run the plan for it and do it in a special situation like that.

45:28 Adam Okay. Maybe you guys shouldn't be getting it on if she's having that much difficulty breaking away from her family.

45:37 Drew But you know, some of the parents are like that. Yeah.

45:39 Caller She's looking for anything to do.

45:41 Adam Alex?

45:42 Hey.

45:43 Adam You're 14?

45:43 Caller Yeah.

45:44 Adam You tried your dad's Viagra two weeks ago?

45:47 Caller Yeah.

45:48 Adam Now you can't get an erection? What did you do? Take one pill? Yeah. What was it like?

45:54 Caller I got like a huge boner, you know? And then like I can't get an erection anymore. It's been like two weeks like this.

46:00 Adam What did you do with that boner, Viers?

46:02 Caller I took it off.

46:03 Adam Oh, okay. Fair enough.

46:04 Drew Oh, no. What do you mean a huge boner? What does that mean?

46:06 Adam It's more like a good boner.

46:08 Drew No, what does that mean?

46:09 Caller You get one and like it was just like really bulging, you know, kind of bulging out there, you know? Sometimes you don't get that. It's kind of just smaller.

46:15 Adam It's a damn lie and you know it. Drew doesn't buy it.

46:18 Drew How long did it last?

46:20 Caller Like an hour.

46:21 Adam What color was the pill?

46:22 Caller What color was the pill, beige?

46:24 Adam Nope.

46:25 Caller It's a damn lie and you know it.

46:26 Drew Sorry. Typically blue.

46:28 Adam Sorry, buddy.

46:29 Drew Not the craft.

46:33 Adam There's a good angle that beige, but you know, if you really think about pills, they don't do beige. They do white and then they go into colors.

46:39 Drew Xanax is beige, but that's about the only one I know of. Really? And blood pressure pills are beige. But be that as it may, the Viagra is known for being blue. That and the fact that people, when they have a Viagra experience, they don't talk about this. They talk about how long it lasts.

46:53 Adam No, he meant a good boner.

46:55 Drew But it won't go away when you jack off. He talked about jacking off, so that's what I did with it and that was the end of it.

47:00 Adam Drew, hold on a second. Don't give yourself credit for that. I busted this punk with the color, the pill question. How dare you?

47:08 Drew Didn't I prompt you to go after him a little bit?

47:10 Adam Yes, you were suspicious. I'll give you that. Okay, well, Jay McGraw's here. We'll take a little break. We'll be right back. More penis talk. All right, guys, here's the deal.

47:19 Drew Look in the hookup, call the Dateline.

47:21 Caller Stick a waste in time with the wrong person, call the Dateline.

47:24 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:25 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:26 Caller 1-877-889-DATE.

47:30 You know what I'm saying, I'm there.

47:32 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

48:14 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Jay McGraw is our guest tonight. Jay is the author of Closing the Gap, a strategy for bringing parents and teens together. This is a must read.

48:28 Caller That's right.

48:29 Drew For every teen and their parents.

48:30 Adam That's right. And even folks that aren't teens and don't have kids or can't read.

48:35 Caller It's a must look at.

48:37 Adam That's right. It's a must flip. Jay's father, of course, is Phil, who you know as Hank from.

48:45 Caller Hey now.

48:46 Adam Hey now. The Larry Sanders Show. No, from the famous Oprah Show and will be doing his own show in September. And if you got some problems with your old lady, you call that show off Dr. Phil.

48:58 Caller That's right.

48:59 Adam Okay. Jay, has anyone talked to you about doing a TV show?

49:03 Caller I've talked to a few people about that.

49:05 Adam How's that going?

49:07 Caller I've talked to a few people about that.

49:08 Drew He's finishing law school.

49:09 Caller Yeah, I'm in law school now. Fun, fun.

49:12 Adam Oh, man.

49:13 Caller I got to start back on Thursday. What a nightmare.

49:16 Adam That's got to suck.

49:17 Caller I get to go do all that. Well, whatever.

49:20 Adam Can you do, listen, can you be one of these good lawyers? Yeah. You know, because I just realized people, I actually, I think the lawyers get a lot of crap for ruining this country, which is definitely happening. But it's also the fault of the system and the folks that are bringing the lawsuits.

49:41 Drew Yes. Oh, right.

49:43 Adam I went to a juice place the other day, ordered a bunch of juice, was out on the road. I was driving out of town and I had to take a wicked leak. And I just got done ordering 20 bucks worth of celery juice from this chick. And like I said, I was out in the middle of nowhere and I was halfway to where I was going. And I said, could I step back there and take a leak? And she said, They probably trained them not to say this, but the chick was 17 and wasn't thinking too good. And she goes, she goes, No, because you could slip. And I realized somebody gave her a serious talk too about, we are insured for staff only, only going back there and customers cannot go back and take a leak because they could slip and then they could sue. And then we could be closed down. And so here's the situation. People look at this stuff and I know it sounds cliche when I say how does, you know, how everything affects you. But here's how it affects you. You can't take a leak in a place anymore. You can go into a business, you can patronize the business, you can spend a bunch of money, but you cannot take a leak there. And now you're walking around the mall like a retard looking for a place to take a leak.

50:59 Caller Well, that's what you get for going to the mall.

51:00 Drew Wait, can I go off on something now along the same lines? Random searches, random searches.

51:05 Caller Oh, man.

51:06 Drew At the airport.

51:06 Caller It happened to me on the way here.

51:08 Drew It happens to me every time I walk through. So as usual, I walk through, except this time I had the added delight of the serviceman with the machine gun walking up to me asking me for an autograph as the guy does the search and then adds for three more bag searches to follow that. While meantime, I'm shooting the breeze with the actual Marines.

51:27 Adam This country has a rich history in C-list celebrities blowing up airplanes.

51:32 Caller That's right.

51:33 Drew Took them and take my shoes off, put them through the belt. Oh yeah.

51:35 Caller Yeah. No, my girlfriend and I took off our boots.

51:37 Drew It was nice.

51:38 Caller Checking them out.

51:39 Drew Were the Marines asking for your autograph?

51:41 Caller There weren't any Marines. I don't have any Marines in Dallas. We got the shaft on the Marines.

51:46 Adam What do you got over there?

51:47 Caller We got no machine guns in our airport. I didn't see one machine gun.

51:50 Drew They were there.

51:51 Caller I'm all like, you know, walking through the airport. I'm like, let me see some machine guns.

51:55 Adam Listen, everybody, this political correctness, you know, it drives me insane. I mean, listen, here is the deal. We should be looking for the number one causer of any problem, and that's who we should be pulling over. I mean, I'm at the airport. I'm seeing some chick looks like Sandy Duncan, post-menopausal white chicks with red hair. You know, she has the bangs, and she's white as a ghost. She has those bad big mom glasses on. She can barely lift her arms. She's so weak, you know, and this guy's patting her down. Here's what I'm saying. Until one of those old white bitches blows up a plane, she's on. She's on. She's on. I mean, look.

52:39 Caller What are we doing?

52:40 Adam What are we? Here's all I'm saying. Here's all I want to know. Here's the question I want to answer. What is the objective? What are we attempting to do?

52:48 Drew To be random.

52:49 Adam To be random. No, I don't want random. I don't want any planes blown up. I don't. Yes. The objective is not to be random. It's to stop people from blowing up planes.

53:00 Caller They're frisking me and Dr. Drew. It's some guy in fatigue. He comes waltzing on the airplane.

53:04 Adam I got the same guys hit me up. He's wanting a picture and he's going through my bag as he's discussing this with me. Oh, no. I don't want that. I don't think. Here's what I don't think. I don't think anybody wants that except for terrorists. I don't think Arabs want that. Do you know what I mean?

53:24 Drew Not if they're flying.

53:25 Adam Not if anyone who's flying should not want that. And it's how this sort of political correctness will ultimately cost us lives in this country. And listen, it is, I agree, it is discrimination when you decide that a certain group is doing something and stop that group. But it is not discrimination when only that group causes a certain crime and you take a closer look at that group. Because everyone, ask yourself, why are we taking a closer look at Arab males between 18 and 40 who are going through airports?

54:04 Caller They were doing that in Dallas. It's like everybody was walking right on the airplane. They had a table set up next to the gate. And they had all the Arabs. Yeah.

54:10 Drew Oh, no, no.

54:11 Caller No, no, no, no, no. I asked.

54:13 Drew Oh, really?

54:14 Caller Everybody of Arab descent had their bags.

54:16 Adam Good. That's fine.

54:17 Drew That's Dallas.

54:17 Adam That's fine.

54:18 Caller That's Dallas. Oh, kiss.

54:21 Adam Now, Dallas is great.

54:23 Caller That's right.

54:24 Adam Kennedy gets shot is a good.

54:26 Caller Good.

54:28 Adam Look, I have no difficulty with that concept at all. And you know what? People go, yeah, well, you're a white male, so you don't care. Well, listen, as a white male, I'm fine with all the Asian females not even having to walk through the metal detector. I'm fine with, I'm fine with all, until an Asian female causes a crime, I'm fine with them just getting onto the plane, just walking straight, they get to walk around. There's a line that says Asian females. There's an era. Go on by, honey.

55:03 Caller It's like a turnstile.

55:04 Adam Mama-san, get right on that plane, until one of you steals a pack of Wrigley's. You know what I mean?

55:12 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

55:13 Adam And I think we all would be.

55:15 Drew I'm uncomfortable with the table for Arab Americans.

55:19 Caller You haven't seen it though?

55:21 Drew I've been at that table every time I get on a plane.

55:24 Caller But you're not an Arab American.

55:25 Adam That's my point. It doesn't say table for Arabs, does it?

55:28 Caller No, yes. One of my friends, Arab American, she's over there getting her bag searched.

55:33 Adam But it's only for, I mean, every single good.

55:38 Caller 100% of the Arabs go over there and 100% of the non-Arabs walk right on the airplane.

55:42 Drew How do they tell who's Arab and who's not?

55:44 Caller I don't know.

55:46 Adam Anyone who has that complexion, they just pull over.

55:50 Drew I'm at that table every plane. And by people who are like...

55:54 Adam Wanting autographs. Yes. Let's save the babies. All right. Let's save them babies. Let's, okay. Nathan.

56:03 Yeah.

56:03 Adam You're 23.

56:04 Caller I am.

56:05 Adam What's that?

56:06 Caller How you doing?

56:06 Adam Good.

56:07 Caller Good. I don't have wet dreams. They happen every once in a while. Maybe once every two months or so.

56:13 Drew Well, you're 23. Yeah. You usually get over that around 14.

56:17 Caller Congratulations.

56:19 Caller Sweet. I used to be sexually active like a couple years ago. It's about the last time I've had sex. And then I find myself waking up just as I'm about to climax, I guess you could say. And I find myself like holding off like, no, don't. And it's only like seldom that it does happen.

56:34 Drew You're holding out because you don't lose your chi.

56:37 Caller I don't know.

56:39 Adam Do you actually audibly say no, don't out loud?

56:42 Caller No. Oh, man, that would have been great. Yeah, that would be.

56:46 Adam So what?

56:47 Caller As I'm waking up, it's like, and then it's.

56:49 Adam All right. So what? You haven't gotten laid in a long time and you're horny when you go to bed.

56:54 Caller Wouldn't that be all the more reason for it to happen now?

56:56 Drew Yes.

56:57 Adam Well, you're getting pretty close.

56:59 Caller What are you holding off on?

57:01 Caller It's not like I'm holding off. It's like as I'm waking up and then as soon as I come to like wake up and realize what's going on.

57:07 Drew He stops.

57:07 Caller It's just that's it.

57:08 Drew Is he not masturbating?

57:10 Caller Nope, I don't.

57:11 Drew See.

57:13 Adam Why don't you?

57:15 Caller Probably religious things.

57:17 Adam What do you got going?

57:20 Caller There's one thing I was thinking of a while ago, about a year and a half, two years ago. I went on a six week cycle of anabolic steroids. Then they have the, I don't remember specific names, but the one type that reenacts that part of the body, so to speak.

57:36 Drew Well, when you were on the androgenic hormone, I'm sure you had lots of wet dreams.

57:42 Caller No, I didn't.

57:43 Drew You weren't masturbating then? You were having sex then though?

57:46 Caller I think I did like once or twice then.

57:48 Adam Hey, Nathan, what about religion and, you know, your body's a temple and all that stuff?

57:53 Caller Right.

57:53 Drew And taking a bunch of steroids.

57:55 Caller Yeah. Something's driving here.

57:56 Drew They what?

57:57 Caller Those were the bad days. Not that they're perfect.

58:01 Adam All right. Well, Jesus is perfect, right? The world was. Hey, Nathan? Yeah. All right. Drop the religious stuff. Start beating off and see if you can get laid, would you? What's up with the women? Why aren't you? Are you dating?

58:14 Caller Not right now. I'm not, actually.

58:15 Drew How come?

58:16 Adam Yeah.

58:17 Caller Just in between relationships. How long is that?

58:19 Drew That's the time to date, right?

58:20 Caller What's that?

58:21 Drew Isn't that the time people date is in between relationships?

58:23 Caller Good boy. Well, I don't know if you meant like exclusively dating somebody.

58:26 Drew Are you going out with people?

58:28 Caller No, not really.

58:29 Caller So either way, the answer is no.

58:31 Caller Either way, no.

58:32 Adam All right. Well, what's up?

58:34 Caller How long has it been? How long has it been since you've like been out with a female?

58:37 Adam Couple of years.

58:38 Caller Not very long.

58:39 Caller Not very long. Come on.

58:40 Caller Eight months, maybe seven months.

58:42 Caller Dude, that's long.

58:43 Caller Long time comparatively speaking.

58:46 Adam Well, listen, it's long when you're in med school and law school and everything. It's not long when you're Nate the Geek from Connecticut. What are you doing with your life, Nathan?

58:58 Caller Just trying to figure that out.

59:00 Adam Okay.

59:00 Caller Well, somebody go out with Nate.

59:02 Adam Look, Nate, please don't get buried in this religion.

59:06 Caller Right.

59:06 Adam Okay. You understand?

59:08 Caller Yeah. I'm picking up what you're putting down.

59:09 Adam It just becomes some weird compensation. Okay. You can create your own laws to live by.

59:16 Caller So do you think maybe the whole problem is just like a mental thing or is it just like something's wrong?

59:21 Adam I don't see what the problem is. Here's the situation as I understand it. Nathan is not masturbating and he's not having sex, so he has some energy and some fluid built up in it. So he goes to bed and naturally has an erotic dream and he becomes aroused and he gets very excited, but he's probably not such a heavy sleeper that he doesn't wake up before the action, much like wetting your bed. Right. There are times, you know, a lot of us wake up in the middle of the night to urinate, but we don't wet ourselves, except for me, on more times than I'd like to admit.

59:56 Caller But that's another story.

59:57 Adam That's a whole other story. The point is your body doesn't really like to do stuff while you're asleep, whether it be number two, number one, or what is that, three?

1:00:10 Caller I go four.

1:00:10 Adam Oh, you go four? What's three, then?

1:00:13 Caller I don't know. We skipped that one.

1:00:15 Adam Alright, so semen is number four.

1:00:17 Caller You gotta give it a jump start.

1:00:18 Adam Your body will wake up before it does things, oftentimes, and that's what's going on with him. Now, you want to get rid of this? You want to start beating off before you go to bed. Or, you want to see it through, take a Quailood and down it with like a fifth and knock yourself out. You'll jizz all over yourself.

1:00:36 Drew You'll miss it.

1:00:37 Caller Yeah, but prop yourself up because we don't want you to drown before you wake up.

1:00:40 Drew But he's concerned, though, that maybe because of the steroids there's not enough stuff coming out of him. You see what he's saying?

1:00:48 Adam No, I didn't get that part about enough.

1:00:50 Drew I'm sort of going down that path. What's wrong with me? I don't masturbate.

1:00:53 Adam I didn't get enough stuff. Nathan, was that one of your concerns that not enough stuff was coming out?

1:01:01 Caller No, no. Like, the concern I had was I was told when I bought the cycle, like there was the type that I was using, and then they said near the end of the cycle, take this stuff with it and that'll help. Because I guess when you're taking the steroid, your body like sort of shuts down because it notices you have a lot of that.

1:01:18 Adam All right, he said nothing. He said zero.

1:01:21 Drew He's sort of going down that things are shut down route.

1:01:24 Caller But they're not.

1:01:25 Drew Maybe I shut myself down kind of thing. Okay.

1:01:27 Adam No idea. Winston? Oh, thank God I don't care.

1:01:32 Drew Yep.

1:01:32 Adam I just, you know what? I leave the studio, the door shuts, I start thinking about cars. And that's it.

1:01:37 Drew Model airplane.

1:01:38 Adam And model airplanes. I just drive home smiling and laughing.

1:01:40 Drew And masturbating.

1:01:41 Adam No, I am masturbating when I'm driving.

1:01:43 Caller He doesn't think about it.

1:01:44 Adam He just does it. He's doing it. Winston? So what's up?

1:01:48 Caller Talk fast, Winston. I gotta take a leak.

1:01:49 Drew I do too.

1:01:51 Caller My question is, I've got asthma.

1:01:54 Caller And with asthma, a lot of times you get eczema.

1:01:57 Caller And I've had it all my life.

1:01:59 Caller Deep breath, Winston. What's that?

1:02:00 Drew I can't hear it.

1:02:02 Caller You're having, are you having an asthma attack right now?

1:02:04 Caller No, no, no. I'm just nervous. But, so I get it a lot of times on my penis.

1:02:09 Drew The eczema.

1:02:10 Caller Yeah. And it's kind of awkward and some are having to explain it to a girlfriend that it's normal and it's not any kind of STD or. Right.

1:02:20 Caller What's this big one? Hang on, Drew, what is this?

1:02:23 Drew It's an allergic reaction. He's got what's called atopy. So he has sinus, asthma and eczema. Right?

1:02:29 Caller What's eczema, though?

1:02:30 Drew And it's an inflammatory reaction of the skin. It looked like a red patch, basically.

1:02:34 Caller I can understand the difficulty in explaining that one.

1:02:36 Drew Yeah. And just...

1:02:38 Adam Drew, why the asthma and the eczema connection?

1:02:41 Drew The three are just all allergy, allergic skin reaction.

1:02:44 Adam Oh, okay.

1:02:45 Drew He's highly allergic. Okay. And you just need to... Why don't you use a bunch of the steroid creams on the penis?

1:02:50 Caller Oh, I do, actually. And it doesn't... I mean, it works, but it's something I just have to do every day. Right.

1:02:57 Caller It just comes back immediately afterwards.

1:03:00 Caller Right.

1:03:01 Adam And you have a girlfriend? No, no.

1:03:03 Caller I have before, yeah.

1:03:04 Adam But they'll understand that you have a condition. They're not going to think it's herpes.

1:03:08 Drew And well, they might, though.

1:03:10 Adam Well, they might, but when they see what a mess you are, I mean, they'll understand.

1:03:14 Drew You say, here it is on my chest.

1:03:16 Adam Yeah. You show them the state of Texas on your back in bright red, and they'll understand that this is a condition, plus you're sucking off an inhaler. I mean, they should feel sorry for you and give you a oral at that point. All right, buddy. There's nothing you can do more in the steroid cream, Drew. Sun is good for eczema, but I don't know if you want to get how you do that.

1:03:39 Drew Yeah, it's good for psoriasis.

1:03:41 Adam Oh, psoriasis. Sorry.

1:03:43 Caller What is wrong?

1:03:43 Drew No, no, it's all right.

1:03:45 Caller All right.

1:03:45 Adam All right, buddy. Hey, I'm sorry you were cursed. I would look at this as a curse.

1:03:51 Caller I agree with you on that, Adam.

1:03:52 Drew It's not that bad. It's just eczema.

1:03:54 Adam All right. It's just eczema. Why on the penis?

1:03:57 Drew Because there's skin on the penis and everywhere else too.

1:04:02 Adam Do you get it everywhere else, Winston? No, no.

1:04:05 Drew Just on the penis?

1:04:05 Adam No.

1:04:06 Caller I get it on my nipples, my armpits too sometimes.

1:04:09 Adam Yeah, a little yeasty on the peckeroo. Really? Yeah.

1:04:13 Drew Well, is there anything your penis is touching? You allergic to latex? Do you wear a condom?

1:04:17 Caller No. I don't know.

1:04:18 Caller You don't wear a condom?

1:04:19 Caller Well, I mean, I do, but it's been a while.

1:04:23 Drew And you still get it on the penis? Could it be something like underwear or the cotton or the detergent maybe? You really got to search for whatever your penis is touching.

1:04:30 Caller Go commando for a while. See if that works.

1:04:32 Drew Yeah, that might be affecting your skin.

1:04:35 Adam No, I mean, I was just thinking of this. It's allergic. The eczema is an allergic reaction to something that it came in contact with.

1:04:43 Drew Possibly.

1:04:44 Caller Or something that he's eating, maybe?

1:04:46 Drew No? Possibly.

1:04:48 Adam But he has the breakouts all the time and it's in the same area. It doesn't seem like it's something environmental. Because if it was the sheets or his underpants or something, it just seemed like his legs would get it or his ass would get it.

1:05:01 Drew Yeah.

1:05:02 Adam Just seems, all right.

1:05:03 Drew I mean, it's a highly immunologically active person, allergic person. And so, you know, it could be all kinds of things.

1:05:12 Adam Don't they say your body chemistry changes every seven years or so?

1:05:17 Drew They get better as they get older.

1:05:18 Adam They do?

1:05:18 Drew Yeah.

1:05:19 Adam Okay.

1:05:20 Drew What a ripoff.

1:05:20 Adam Let's talk to James, who's 20, James.

1:05:24 Caller Yes.

1:05:25 Adam Your father left 19 years ago.

1:05:28 Caller Which would be when you were one?

1:05:30 Caller Like six months or something like that.

1:05:32 Adam And you want to find the guy?

1:05:34 Caller Well, I'm debating if I should or not because, like, my mom and my whole family says I shouldn't.

1:05:41 Adam Why did they say that?

1:05:44 Caller Basically, my mom's, well, way back then my dad pulled a gun on my mom.

1:05:50 Caller Okay.

1:05:51 Adam What side of it was he holding?

1:05:54 Caller What's that?

1:05:54 Adam I see. And they, he's a bad guy who abandoned you.

1:06:00 Caller Oh, yeah. My mom's really the only one that really knows him. My whole other family's only met him, like, a couple of times, I guess.

1:06:06 Caller Why do you want to find him?

1:06:08 Caller Well, I just want to know that side of my family. Plus, my mom says-

1:06:13 Drew That's not an answer.

1:06:14 Caller Why?

1:06:15 Drew Because I just want to know him. Why?

1:06:17 Caller Well, also, I know I have brothers from him.

1:06:20 Caller So find them. Why do you want to find your father?

1:06:23 Caller Well, I can't find-

1:06:24 Caller I don't know how to do it.

1:06:25 Caller No. Why do you want to find your father?

1:06:27 Adam Well, he doesn't know how to do it. Hey, James?

1:06:30 Caller Oh, that's right.

1:06:31 Caller He's got brothers.

1:06:32 Adam James, here's why- here's our reaction, because we do hear this a lot. And it's very sad, and again, it was something that I was thinking about and talking about earlier today. I have friends who are in this situation, too, which is- and we get this all the time on this show. One parent basically cuts out and leaves- abandons their kid, and they leave them to fend. Here's the part I like. I like when the guy says, Your mom is a crazy bitch, and I could not hang with that crazy psycho bitch. So, I let her raise you when I went to Florida. Thanks, Pops. Great. You couldn't hang. You was an adult male who probably could have physically handled her if she had ever tried to come at you, cut out, but you left me at the age one or two or three or five with the crazy psycho bitch. Okay, thanks, Pops. So, what happens is, is psycho bitch raises the kid. And of course, the kid's got two parents and one of them he knows he hates because she raised him. And she's a psycho bitch. But the other one becomes like, Mystical. Like the lone ranger. The illusion. Yeah.

1:07:44 Caller The mirage.

1:07:45 Drew Idealized.

1:07:46 Adam Idealized, right, right. It's dad and they're grasping for straws. I mean, they're looking for something in their life. So, where is this great guy and what happened? Probably, you know, in Vietnam, he probably jumped on a grenade, saving his platoon and got some brain damage and then had trouble coping with society.

1:08:06 Drew No, he had amnesia.

1:08:07 Adam He could remember his childhood. Right, right. No, the guy's a drunken, violent idiot. He pulled a gun on your mom. And got out of there.

1:08:16 Caller It's like a blessing that he's gone.

1:08:17 Adam Yes, and here's the question. What efforts has he made to get hold of you in the last 20 years? That's a good question to ask yourself.

1:08:25 Caller The best that's gonna happen is you're gonna find him and he's gonna be an acquaintance. He's not gonna turn up 20 years later and be the father figure you never had.

1:08:32 Adam Now, and listen, you think this guy's gonna pull in a vintage Austin Healy from the 50s, smoking a pipe with a scarf blowing in the wind.

1:08:41 Caller Hey son, let's go to a baseball game.

1:08:43 Adam Wearing a hunting jacket with a beautiful young trophy wife as he revs the engine.

1:08:49 Caller And one for you in the back.

1:08:50 Adam Packed picnic basket and her younger sister in the boot of a car. You guys are going to the country to go skeet shooting and build a log home.

1:09:00 Caller The dog's coming with us.

1:09:02 Adam No, this guy lives in a one bedroom van eyes.

1:09:05 Caller Right, he's a trailer. He's living in a van down by the river.

1:09:08 Adam That's right. I say F him and don't get him built up. You will only be more disappointed.

1:09:14 Drew If he wants to build him up, I don't have a problem with that so much.

1:09:17 Caller I just don't find him.

1:09:18 Drew All right, don't find him. If you do want to find him, let fantasy be if that helps you.

1:09:23 Caller Yeah, go comb the jail cells in the trailer parks.

1:09:26 Adam Right, and if you want to get hold of your brothers, that's another situation. And I would even caution you about that. But if you want to talk to them, fine. But you still don't have to involve him.

1:09:38 Caller And same thing, if you find them, they're not going to be brothers. They're just going to be people that you met today.

1:09:43 Caller Right.

1:09:44 Caller So don't have an unreasonable expectation to that either.

1:09:49 Adam Absolutely. All right, we'll be back.

1:09:51 Caller Oh, thank God.

1:09:52 Caller Hello, this is your radio. Love Line will be right back.

1:10:34 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Jay McGraw is our guest tonight. He's the author of Closing the Gap, a strategy for bringing parents and teens together. And the book is out everywhere, correct? That's right.

1:10:51 Caller amazon.com, all the bookstores, everywhere.

1:10:54 Adam So how long has it been out?

1:10:56 Caller It came out just before Thanksgiving.

1:10:59 Adam How's it doing? It's doing pretty well.

1:11:00 Caller I've been having to take finals, so I can't exactly tell a lot of people about it, but kind of a ripoff.

1:11:07 Adam Why be an attorney? Why don't you just sit around and write books?

1:11:09 Caller Good damn question. I ask myself that every day in class.

1:11:15 Drew You know what though, if you don't do that kind of training now, you're never going to do it.

1:11:17 Caller No, I would never go back.

1:11:19 Drew You know what I'm saying, Adam? You don't know what we're saying.

1:11:20 Adam No, I know what you're saying. I had that theory when I was 17. So who are you talking about? I pioneered that thought. I said that in the fifth grade.

1:11:30 Caller You said it and you had to stick by it, right?

1:11:33 Adam I stood by my gun.

1:11:34 Caller That's right.

1:11:35 Adam I knew me and education were not a good mix.

1:11:38 Caller It's a miserable nightmare.

1:11:39 Adam Well, what kind of law do you want to get into once you get into it?

1:11:43 Caller I don't know. Corporate, I guess.

1:11:46 Caller Criminal.

1:11:47 Adam You know what? Everyone hates you when you're a lawyer too. They all just can't stand you. God, do I hate lawyers.

1:11:53 Caller Well, not everyone.

1:11:53 Drew Oh, you hate lawyers.

1:11:56 Adam Well, here's why. I think here's your relationship with lawyers. You're either going to be on the winning side or the losing side with them.

1:12:04 Caller So you're really happy or you're really pissed off.

1:12:07 Adam Either they got you $4 million because you pulled a Brody in the bathroom at the Jamba Juice, or you're the guy who can't take a leak when he needs to at the Jamba Juice.

1:12:16 Caller Adam.

1:12:17 Adam And I have, that's me, and also my relationship with lawyers is I don't, you know, I've never used a lawyer, but my relationship is this. I only deal with the lawyers that have to deal with Comedy Central and our TV show and all that. And so they tell you, no, you can't do this.

1:12:36 Caller Well, you need to get you a good lawyer that says, yes, he can.

1:12:39 Adam But it's not the kind of thing where you can combat the network's lawyer with your personal attorney. They look out for the interest of the corporation or the network and it behooves them to just say, no, you can't do this. But you know, the greatest thing that lawyers do, and please don't ever be one of these lawyers, that sort of bizarre universe they live in. We're doing a TV show now that involves prank phone calls. And the show was called Prank Puppets originally. But the word prank, according to the lawyer, for the Comedy Central people, was way too, it was too vicious a word. Prank, according to them, implied a maliciousness that would be used in court against us. And I said to them, you should hope that the other attorney brings up the word prank and tries to dwell on prank. Because prank is the least of our worries. Because prank implies, playful. And it implies, we're trying to pull one over on a guy, but we don't want to hurt him.

1:13:47 Caller Well, but see, they can say, what you intended to hurt him, the intention of a prank is to hurt somebody.

1:13:52 Drew But they could say that to you with any word, though.

1:13:53 Caller Oh, yeah, they could.

1:13:54 Adam Yeah, but the intention of a prank is to pull one over on somebody. But not, you know, you want to fool the liquor store owner by asking if he has Dr. Pepper in a can and then to let him out. But you don't want to burn the place down.

1:14:09 Caller Right.

1:14:10 Adam Okay, but you know, the one that the lawyers do, which is great, is when they ask around.

1:14:15 Caller Yeah, I'm going to have to get back to you then.

1:14:17 Adam They do this one. You go, I'm yelling at this 50-year-old bitch saying, are you really telling me that prank is a dangerous word? And they go, well, you know, I asked Burt Wasserman, and Burt, when he heard prank shrugged, he couldn't believe it. I'm thinking, what kind of bizarre alternate universe do you guys live in where Burt Wasserman hears the word prank and goes, oh, oh, oh, prank, prank. Oh my God.

1:14:45 Caller Heaven forbid you use the word prank.

1:14:47 Adam Yeah. And how is that used? Like, let's try to use that in a military setting. Are we, would we prank someone when we bomb them or drop the daisy cutter? Would you prank your worst enemy when you try to get a, you know, a mafia hit? Where's the word prank come in whenever there's an assassination or a serious attempted bodily injury? Is the word prank ever brought up in that context?

1:15:10 Caller I'm afraid not.

1:15:11 Adam No, there are pranks gone wrong, but they always specify that they've gone wrong.

1:15:16 Drew What's the word they want to replace it with?

1:15:18 Adam Burt Wasserman said, oh, Jesus, I'd like, I'd like, I want to get hold of this old Burt Wasserman and beat the crap, pull a real prank on Burt, pull his toupee off, yank on his bow tie.

1:15:30 Caller But nobody go out and kick the crap out of Burt Wasserman because Adam wants him. It's like, I can just see the scene from Christmas Vacation where Eddie, whose heart's bigger than his brain, goes out and ties the boss up with the bow. It's all going bad right now, Adam.

1:15:45 Adam These attorneys and this bizarre alternate universe they live in. Okay. So anyway, that's going good. Just stick with the writing. That's all I'm saying.

1:15:53 Caller Okay.

1:15:54 Adam Angel?

1:15:55 Yeah.

1:15:55 Adam You're 18?

1:15:56 Caller Yeah. Hi, Adam.

1:15:58 Drew Oh, Angel.

1:16:01 Caller I'm sorry, but I made up the question.

1:16:03 Caller Oh, well.

1:16:05 Adam Oh, Anderson.

1:16:06 Caller So much for that.

1:16:08 Drew Come on. Let's hear what you got to say.

1:16:09 Caller No, but around two months ago, my cousin's boyfriend broke up with her, and ever since then, she's been depressed, she drinks, she smokes, she doesn't eat.

1:16:21 Drew How old is she?

1:16:22 Caller She's 23.

1:16:23 Caller And when she does eat, she makes herself throw up.

1:16:26 Drew Okay, well, she's depressed. At least we can say that, right?

1:16:29 Caller Yeah, and I try to talk to her, but she doesn't want to listen. I was wondering maybe you guys could have some sense into her.

1:16:35 Drew Is she there?

1:16:36 Caller I could call her on three. We're at her house.

1:16:39 Adam All right.

1:16:40 Caller Oh, man. Adam, this right here is a sick, bizarro side universe, okay? Lawyers don't live in sick, bizarro side universes.

1:16:49 Adam Burt Wasserman does.

1:16:50 Caller Okay.

1:16:51 Adam Hey, Angel?

1:16:52 Caller Yeah.

1:16:53 Adam How are you doing? Because, you know, I have this theory about girls named Angel. There's always trouble with that voice and that little voice.

1:17:00 Caller Did your parents name you Angel?

1:17:02 Caller No.

1:17:03 Adam Were you molested?

1:17:05 Caller Who named you Angel?

1:17:06 Adam When did your dad rape you? When were you molested?

1:17:11 Caller When I was younger.

1:17:12 Adam How old?

1:17:13 Drew Like six?

1:17:14 Caller I don't remember.

1:17:16 Drew Give me an estimate of what age you were.

1:17:18 Caller Oh, well.

1:17:19 Adam How old does she sound?

1:17:20 Drew Six.

1:17:20 Adam Okay. About six? Five, six?

1:17:23 Caller Yeah. No. Well, my sister kind of did them to me when I was like eight or nine. And then my dad's friend when I was like ten or eleven. Okay.

1:17:32 Drew Start at about eight.

1:17:33 Caller Okay.

1:17:34 Adam And your dad's friend, huh?

1:17:37 Caller Yeah.

1:17:38 Caller What about old dad?

1:17:39 Caller I don't talk to my dad.

1:17:41 Adam Good. And did you talk?

1:17:44 Caller Well, he was around then.

1:17:46 Caller He's still around.

1:17:47 Adam Oh, he is. Your mom and he are still married?

1:17:49 Drew Yeah.

1:17:49 Caller They're in the next room.

1:17:50 Drew He just don't talk to them. Mm-mm. Oof.

1:17:53 Adam Did she say her dad's friend did something or her dad did something?

1:17:56 Drew His dad's friend.

1:17:56 Adam Oh. Did your dad ever do anything?

1:17:59 Caller Not that I could recall.

1:18:00 Adam Yeah. So, listen, Angel, I know your cousin has some problems right now, but I bet you got some problems too. I can tell by your voice.

1:18:12 Caller Yeah, but Adam called for me. I was wondering if you could talk to me.

1:18:15 Adam Well, that's the beauty of this show.

1:18:19 Drew We don't go after what you want us to talk about.

1:18:21 Adam That's right. We'll decide who's screwed up and who we talk to. And so far, you've trumped your cousin by the molestation.

1:18:28 Caller Yeah.

1:18:29 Adam So, what are you doing about that?

1:18:30 Caller Sorry, another boyfriend broke up with her.

1:18:32 Adam Are you able to... Have you talked to anybody about this?

1:18:35 Caller I was going to shrink.

1:18:37 Adam You were?

1:18:38 Caller Yeah.

1:18:39 Drew But what happened?

1:18:40 Caller I stopped going.

1:18:42 Drew How come?

1:18:43 Caller Because... I don't know.

1:18:45 Caller Come on. Why?

1:18:46 Caller Because my dad didn't want me to go.

1:18:48 Drew Why?

1:18:49 Caller Because he said it was all in my head.

1:18:51 Caller Because he molested you when you were how old?

1:18:54 Drew Well, whatever it is, yes, it's in your head, and that's why you're going to see somebody that specializes in dealing with things that are in your head.

1:19:00 Caller That's what I said. I don't know. He's dumb.

1:19:03 Drew Was he paying for it?

1:19:05 Caller No, I was.

1:19:06 Drew Well, then keep going. Then you go. You need this.

1:19:09 Caller But he was my only right over there.

1:19:10 Caller Well, then get, no, no, no.

1:19:13 Caller At the time, yeah, I was going when I was like 15.

1:19:15 Caller Well, start going again.

1:19:18 Adam Hey, Angel.

1:19:19 Caller Yeah?

1:19:19 Adam How were you paying for it?

1:19:21 Caller I started working since I was 16.

1:19:24 Adam I see. And are you going to school now?

1:19:27 Caller I must start college.

1:19:29 Drew College is gonna start.

1:19:30 Adam You're going to junior college?

1:19:31 Caller Yeah.

1:19:32 Adam Shocking. And you're still living at home?

1:19:35 Caller Yeah.

1:19:36 Adam How about moving out?

1:19:38 Caller I want to, but...

1:19:41 Caller About what?

1:19:43 Adam Money. Do you have a boyfriend?

1:19:46 Caller No.

1:19:47 Adam Good. And are you pregnant?

1:19:50 Caller No.

1:19:50 Caller Have you ever been?

1:19:51 Caller No.

1:19:52 Adam Good. Why don't you have a boyfriend?

1:19:55 Caller Because guys are too many problems right now.

1:19:58 Adam That's right. Angel, for someone who's been through what you've been through and have the horrible parents that you have, you're a pretty good thinker. And I think you need to, you know, I know you're going to junior college right now, but that's just a horrible waste of time for everyone who's there, except for the faculty that's just wasting away, making a paycheck off of Uncle Sam. Here's what I think, here's what I would, here's what I think you should do. I would start working full time, get myself a buddy and a friend who wants a roommate, and move out and start life away, and start looking back into this therapy and these issues.

1:20:40 Drew Especially if it was somebody, your parent who sort of aborted your care and not you, something you wanted to do or still wanted to do.

1:20:45 Adam Yeah, because you're a smart person and you've had a horrible thing happen to you, and I think you need to work on that. All right?

1:20:54 Caller Yeah.

1:20:54 Adam Don't worry so much about your cousin. You got bigger fish to fry, namely yourself.

1:21:01 Caller Well, I would work full time, but right now I can't because I'm like in another hospital.

1:21:06 Drew Psychiatric hospital?

1:21:08 Caller Excuse me?

1:21:08 Drew What kind of hospital?

1:21:10 Caller Beverly Hospital.

1:21:12 Drew Psychiatric hospital?

1:21:13 Caller No. I have a problem with my heart.

1:21:17 Drew What's the problem with your heart?

1:21:18 Caller Yeah.

1:21:18 Drew What's the problem?

1:21:19 Caller Well, the doctor said it beats too fast and something's not connected where it's loose and that I might have a murmur.

1:21:28 Drew Alright, this thing you have doesn't have a name?

1:21:33 Caller He said it, but I just can't remember.

1:21:35 Drew Wolf-Parkinson-White Syndrome?

1:21:38 Caller I have no idea. I'm taking Troll-Pole-Exile for it.

1:21:42 Drew Probably Wolf-Parkinson-White, something like that.

1:21:45 Adam What is that?

1:21:45 Drew It's just an electrical disturbance in the heart.

1:21:49 Adam Does it mean you can't move out?

1:21:50 Drew No, it doesn't.

1:21:51 Caller Does it keep her from working full-time?

1:21:52 Drew No, it doesn't.

1:21:53 Caller Okay, so go get you a full-time job.

1:21:55 Adam Angel?

1:21:56 Caller Yeah?

1:21:57 Adam Get out of that house, get some work, work more hours, and get on your own, and then when you get all established, you can get back and go to junior college again.

1:22:08 Caller And hey, Angel?

1:22:09 Caller Yeah?

1:22:09 Caller That cousin that we were going to call? Not a good candidate for a roommate.

1:22:13 Adam No.

1:22:14 Drew Oh, by all means.

1:22:15 Adam No, nobody in your family?

1:22:16 Drew Yeah.

1:22:17 Adam Okay.

1:22:18 Drew And nobody you want to fix or make better. Right.

1:22:19 Caller Pick somebody that you think is like oddly normal.

1:22:22 Adam Yeah.

1:22:23 Drew Boring.

1:22:23 Adam Boring.

1:22:24 Drew Boring and normal.

1:22:24 Caller Yes, exactly. Like, oh my God, they're so normal.

1:22:27 Drew So boring.

1:22:29 Caller Then pick that one and move in with them immediately.

1:22:32 Adam Boy, I'll tell you that. And for those of you who are at home thinking, well, there must be something on the screen about molestation. Oh, no, not at all. You just hear that voice and that means molestation. Easy. You hear that little girl voice? Sexual abuse. Done and done. Every time. Thank you.

1:22:55 Caller You're welcome.

1:22:56 Adam Jeremiah?

1:22:57 Caller Yeah.

1:22:57 Adam You're 17?

1:22:58 Caller Yeah.

1:22:59 Adam What's up?

1:23:00 Caller I was wondering, because like my girlfriend moved away because like she lives up here with her dad. And then she moved away to Texas.

1:23:09 Caller All right. Texas.

1:23:10 Drew How long ago?

1:23:11 Caller Texas.

1:23:12 Caller Whatever.

1:23:14 Caller Oh, sorry. Like about six months ago.

1:23:18 Drew To the tune of six months ago?

1:23:19 Caller Yeah.

1:23:19 Drew Good. Good use. Nicely done.

1:23:21 Adam Well, it takes all kinds, Jeremiah.

1:23:23 Drew Is she asking you to move down to Texas?

1:23:25 Caller Well, it was my idea.

1:23:26 Drew Yeah, no kidding.

1:23:27 Caller But she's like supportive of it. Right. I have a job and I have money saved up. But I'm only a junior and next time I'm going to be a senior, but I want to spend my senior year with her.

1:23:35 Caller Senior year of what?

1:23:37 Drew High school? High school.

1:23:38 Caller High school.

1:23:39 Drew No.

1:23:39 Adam So you want to go to Texas and take your senior year there?

1:23:43 Caller Yeah.

1:23:44 Adam Well, wait.

1:23:44 Caller You're going to pack up and move to Texas with your girlfriend to finish your senior year of high school?

1:23:50 Caller Well, I'm going to. That's why I'm calling the show.

1:23:53 Drew No. We'd say no.

1:23:55 Caller Yeah. I'm going to go with no.

1:23:56 Drew No, no. Everybody says, hell no. No.

1:24:00 Adam Yeah, he's calling from Oregon, by the way.

1:24:02 Caller I'm thinking no, then.

1:24:05 Caller No, seriously, come on.

1:24:06 Adam You're gonna smother her, and it's too weird.

1:24:08 Caller Yeah, dude, don't do that.

1:24:10 Adam Hold on, is she blowing him off? Yeah.

1:24:12 Caller Possibly.

1:24:13 Adam Jeremiah, she may be blowing you off.

1:24:15 Caller What do you mean, blowing me off?

1:24:16 Drew She moved away.

1:24:18 Caller No, it's just like, this is the first girl I've actually like.

1:24:21 Drew Yeah, we know about you.

1:24:22 Adam Oh, you love her?

1:24:23 Drew Yeah.

1:24:23 Adam That's different. I didn't know you were obsessed with it.

1:24:27 Caller Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1:24:27 Adam Wait.

1:24:28 Caller Stop.

1:24:28 Drew So.

1:24:30 Caller So you mean you would be willing to move to Texas to stay with her, right?

1:24:32 Drew This is your next book, Jay. But I love her.

1:24:35 Caller Then after my senior year, we both can move up and go to OSU.

1:24:39 Caller Well, then no. Then just wait a year and go to OSU together. And don't go to OSU.

1:24:43 Drew Come on.

1:24:44 Caller It's kind of like the long distance thing. Yeah, it's hard. But it's the toughest thing ever.

1:24:47 Drew Why did she move away?

1:24:48 Caller What? Because she didn't like living with her dad.

1:24:53 Adam Oh, hold on a second.

1:24:55 Caller Dude.

1:24:56 Adam We have to have a small discussion about the album amongst ourselves. I thought he was going to say her dad got a gig in Austin and they packed up and moved. And then it was going to be a situation of, well, what are you going to say? What are you going to do? But she's moving on.

1:25:13 Caller She's like, I'm getting out of here.

1:25:14 Adam Her own.

1:25:15 Drew And there's two possibilities. One, she is total chaos and just kind of blows where the wind takes her and is completely out of control all the time. Or she's moving on.

1:25:26 Caller Or she's like, oh my god, I got to get away from this guy and he can't take a subtle hint. Maybe I'll move seven states away.

1:25:32 Adam Well, listen, when you were 17, if you were deeply obsessed and in love with someone and you had a pain in the ass dad, you would suck it up and stay there for that person you couldn't be with.

1:25:43 Drew Or what our college do, they get pregnant and they'll move in with them.

1:25:46 Adam Jeremiah, has she moved yet or is she gonna move?

1:25:50 Drew Six months she's gone.

1:25:51 Caller No, no, she's been gone.

1:25:52 Drew Six months.

1:25:53 Caller Right. And that's why it's so hard because the long distance thing is killing me.

1:25:57 Adam Have you told her you're coming up there?

1:25:59 Caller We've talked about it a lot, about the plans and stuff and I really want to. I think it's probably, because right now, she did live in New Mexico and it was a really bad town. So she, like her mom and her little brother packed up, you know, and left.

1:26:14 Caller You're right, they're nomads.

1:26:16 Caller Because she had family in Texas, you know?

1:26:18 Adam Right.

1:26:18 Caller Right now she's living with family, with her aunt or whatever.

1:26:21 Adam Right.

1:26:22 Caller And they're going to move out in a couple months and find a house.

1:26:24 Adam Hey, uh-huh, what does this have to, what did she say about you moving out there?

1:26:28 Caller And then I'm thinking that like, probably, Quit thinking. I could stay with her mom like the first couple months until I get on my feet.

1:26:33 Drew What did she say about you moving out there? What did she say?

1:26:36 Caller What did she say? That, you know, I don't have, you know, that it's a big responsibility, you know, leave my family and stuff. But yeah.

1:26:43 Drew What did she say? What did she say?

1:26:46 Caller That she wanted me to.

1:26:48 Adam She said that after you said, don't you want me to move out there?

1:26:51 Caller No, I didn't say that. I just said that that's something that I'm considering, you know, and she said, you know, that's your choice. But if you want to, then, you know, that makes us both. Who cares?

1:27:00 Caller Okay. Hey, Jeremiah, call her up and go, you know what? I've changed my mind. I'm not moving to Texas. 10 bucks. She says, well, I understand. Take the hint, man.

1:27:09 Adam When anyone says that's your choice, that is anything but love, everybody. Please hear that.

1:27:16 Caller Yeah. She's like, I'm moving to Texas and it's your choice if you come. That's leave me alone. Yeah.

1:27:23 Adam Plus, I left the city that I lived in with you to live, to move to some asshole in New Mexico.

1:27:31 Caller Yeah.

1:27:32 Adam And I listen, I've never been to New Mexico, but it has the word Mexico in it and that's enough. That's enough for me to know. I'm not going over there. So I moved to some Adobe Sears Gardening Shed in New Mexico because I had to get out. It wasn't like, see, I pictured her heading to the Dallas Ranch over there to stay in JR's bedroom or something.

1:27:56 Caller In the North 40, yeah.

1:27:57 Adam No, she moved to a dump to get out of there.

1:27:59 Caller She moved to hell on earth.

1:28:01 Adam She's getting out.

1:28:02 Drew She's living with aunts and friends along the way.

1:28:05 Adam All right, Jeremiah's got, yeah, and that's your choice.

1:28:08 Caller Give her the boot.

1:28:09 Drew Please, please don't budge.

1:28:12 Caller Don't move.

1:28:12 Adam Did you guys, here's always the one, here's the tip off too. Did you notice we said, I said, did she ask you to move out there with her?

1:28:21 Caller No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

1:28:22 Adam Her aunt, her aunt, her aunt in New Mexico? Okay, all right. I'm guessing that's not a yes. All right, we'll take a little break. Please listen to Reality Jeremiah and we'll be back after this.

1:28:36 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:28:37 Adam We'll be right back. Hey, everybody, Loveline. Jay McGraw is our guest tonight. Closing the Gamps, the name of the book, a strategy for bringing parents and teens together. And let's see if we can knock off. Let's go for three calls.

1:29:26 Drew Ready? Go.

1:29:28 Adam Jason.

1:29:28 Caller Yeah.

1:29:29 Adam You don't want to play baseball anymore.

1:29:31 Caller No, I don't.

1:29:32 Caller And my mom is like, she's mainly getting on to me for not liking it anymore.

1:29:40 Caller Here's the deal, Jason.

1:29:41 Caller Yeah.

1:29:42 Caller If somebody doesn't understand something, they can't care about it. They can't rationalize. They can't sympathize. So you got to sit down and you got to spend some time with your mom. You got to talk to her about it. You got to find out why she wants you to play baseball. You got to tell her why you don't want to play baseball. You got to find a way that both of your needs are going to get met. If she's got some reason for you to play baseball, I doubt it's because she likes sitting in the stands. Okay. Find out what it is and then find some other way to meet the need that your mom has.

1:30:10 Adam Ultimately, you don't have to do it. You may want to strike a little compromise with her and tell her you're thinking about raising fighting cocks or something, some other activity.

1:30:20 Caller Then work down from that.

1:30:21 Drew But also remember, your job is to be the kid, not to take care of the parent.

1:30:25 Caller Right. But if you got to, I mean, if your only option is to be more mature than your mother, then that's what you got to do. I mean, she's probably wanting him to play baseball because it occupies him from the time that he gets out of school, the time that she gets off work. I mean, there's some reason that she's wanting him to do it. And if he goes and talks to her, she can find out and then he can say, okay, well, instead I'm going to, you know, whatever.

1:30:45 Adam Okay.

1:30:46 Caller Do something.

1:30:47 Adam All right. Let's talk to Kevin is 13. Kevin?

1:30:51 Caller Hello?

1:30:51 Adam Yeah.

1:30:52 Caller Yeah.

1:30:54 Adam Whenever you come, the tip of your penis burns.

1:30:57 Caller Yeah.

1:30:58 Caller All right.

1:30:58 Adam Could he possibly have an STD, Drew?

1:31:02 Drew Yeah, I guess. Are you sexually active?

1:31:04 Caller Yeah.

1:31:04 Drew How long have you been having this for?

1:31:07 Caller About three weeks now.

1:31:08 Drew Either one of them having sex with my girlfriend or my man. You might have an urethral infection, and those are sexually transmitted diseases. There's various organisms that can cause this. It's easy to treat, but you might be passing it back and forth. So you need to go see someone about that. All right.

1:31:23 Caller So they both need to go see someone about that.

1:31:24 Drew If he gets treated, she should be treated also.

1:31:26 Adam All right. Lloyd says, Adam, you only make $14 an hour. You ain't a millionaire.

1:31:33 Drew Where did the $14 come from?

1:31:34 Adam I don't know. Lloyd?

1:31:35 Caller Hello?

1:31:36 Adam Where did the $14 an hour come from?

1:31:38 Caller I don't know. It was just a figure of guessing.

1:31:43 Adam What's your call about?

1:31:44 Caller Brilliant. Okay. Me and my girl, I met her a year ago. She goes, what would you do if we stayed together for a while? I said, what would you do? She goes, I don't know. I'd probably stay with you and marry you. Me and my mom are getting into all these big discussions about it. She's all like, no, you're not marrying that son of a, you know, it's all this and that. She keeps cussing at me, whatever. But she thinks that I won't be able to marry her.

1:32:19 Adam Hold on. You're calling from Pasadena?

1:32:21 Caller Yeah.

1:32:21 Adam Pasadena, Arkansas or Pasadena, Southern California?

1:32:25 Caller Southern California.

1:32:26 Adam Were you a transplant from some Ozark community?

1:32:30 Caller Huh?

1:32:30 Adam Where are you from?

1:32:32 Caller Like Pasadena, Altadena.

1:32:33 Adam No. Where are you originally from?

1:32:36 Caller Oh, me? I'm originally from LA.

1:32:38 Adam And your mom? Where's your mom from?

1:32:41 Caller She's from LA too.

1:32:42 Caller Where's the hick in the family? Where's the redneck?

1:32:46 Adam Hold on.

1:32:46 Caller Where's the accent come from?

1:32:47 Adam I'm going to float a theory. When you get really, really dumb, you just start sounding like you're from somewhere in the deep south. Hey, Lloyd, where's that southern accent coming from?

1:33:00 Caller She's from New York.

1:33:01 Adam Oh, okay.

1:33:04 Caller There's where the southern accent's from, directly from the North East.

1:33:07 Drew Lloyd, you're 15. Don't even think about that.

1:33:09 Adam Don't get her pregnant.

1:33:10 Caller You're 15?

1:33:11 Drew Oh, come on. Do not get her pregnant. Oh, for God's sakes, do not get her pregnant.

1:33:15 Caller Wait another 15 years.

1:33:16 Drew Emergency contraceptor, you can get it without a prescription now. Call my office. I'll give it to everybody.

1:33:22 Adam Okay, we'll be back. Well, there you have it. Our first show back with Dr. Drew in 2002.

1:34:27 Caller This is the first time I've been here when Dr. Drew was here.

1:34:30 Drew No, no. Really?

1:34:31 Caller Yeah.

1:34:31 Adam Oh, Drew wasn't here last time?

1:34:33 Caller Last time you were doing Oprah.

1:34:36 Caller Oh, my God.

1:34:37 Drew No, you were here, though, once, because I remember you said your dad dropped you off in a limousine. That was the second time. No, no.

1:34:42 Caller You were in Chicago.

1:34:43 Drew That was the, because I made you come back after that one.

1:34:46 Adam Wait a minute.

1:34:47 Drew You've done this three times.

1:34:48 Adam No, I think you've only done it twice.

1:34:50 Caller I don't know. I don't know.

1:34:52 Adam Have you ever seen Drew before?

1:34:55 Caller Yeah, well, yeah.

1:34:56 Drew He did Mars Venus with me.

1:34:57 Caller I did Mars Venus.

1:34:58 Adam But you've not seen him in the studio?

1:35:00 Caller Well, I mean, I don't.

1:35:01 Adam Answer the question.

1:35:01 Caller Obviously, I don't think so.

1:35:03 Drew Hell, he does.

1:35:05 Caller I don't know. Maybe I have.

1:35:06 Adam It just really, it just makes my point.

1:35:07 Caller Yeah, it's a real big nobody catch.

1:35:09 Adam Drew averages two and a half days a week here, so it's no wonder everyone misses it.

1:35:13 Caller That's what I was getting at.

1:35:14 Adam I miss it myself sometimes. Okay, so Jay McGraw, the book is called Closing the Gap Strategy to Bringing Parents and Teens Together. Go out and get that. Thanks for coming in, Jay. Good to see you. For the second or possibly third time.

1:35:27 Caller Whatever.

1:35:27 Adam And we'll look forward to the third or possibly fourth time you come on the show.

1:35:30 Caller See you soon.

1:35:31 Adam So until next time, it's Adam Corolla for the seldom hear Dr. Drew saying Mahalo. Oh, this look just beat off into a rag and then sniff it.

1:35:41 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, January 7, 2002