Episode 1000754886616

1:01 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline. Coast to coast.

1:13 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. Dr. Drew is not here yet. I say that because I'm holding out the hope that he does show up. I hope he knows he's supposed to be here. He left for a cruise that was, well, I don't know, you do the math, but that cruise left before Christmas, or I believe the day of or the day after, somewhere right around Christmas with his entire family. And he was heading to go through the Panama Canal, and he was going to Cuba, and I don't know where all he went. But here's my theory of where Drew might be. I'm guessing he got a ass full of his wife somewhere in the middle of probably either going around the horn or through the Panama Canal, through her over the deck of the ship and into the water. He was probably arrested and is now staying in some sort of midnight express type prison in Panama. Unacceptable. And probably has not been able to get to a phone, or if he has, he's had to call his attorney. So he is not in here yet, but I'm assuming he will be in here. And we're all a little confused because we haven't seen him in a couple of weeks, and we're not sure if he thinks he's coming back. But he must be coming back today. I mean, he would come back on a Sunday, and it wouldn't be a week from today, because that means he'd be on a yacht trip for like three weeks. Anyway, System of a Down will be in here later on this week, and we'll have a good time with those guys. And like I said, I hope Drew gets back, because we're supposed to eat dinner with those guys on Thursday night. All right, Man Show on tonight, and let's get to the phones. And I'll see if I can't tackle a few of these calls that aren't too medical intensive. Jeremy?

3:10 Drew Yep.

3:11 Adam You're 17?

3:12 Drew Hey, what's up?

3:12 Adam What's up?

3:13 Drew I am homeschooled.

3:15 Adam Yeah.

3:16 Drew Yeah. And, um, like, I basically just wanted to know because, like, I personally love homeschooling.

3:24 Adam Yeah. I just wanted to know if you can beat off during a second period.

3:31 Drew No, not quite.

3:33 Adam Seriously, how many times do you beat off during a school day?

3:38 Drew None.

3:39 Adam Really? That's discipline. Who's schooling you? Your mom?

3:44 Drew Yep.

3:45 Adam Oh, Christ. And how does that work? Are there other kids there? It's just you and your mom.

3:51 Drew No, it's just me and my mom.

3:53 Adam Why do you like that?

3:55 Drew Why?

3:55 Adam Yeah.

3:56 Drew Because I don't have to learn anything that I don't want to.

3:59 Adam Yeah, but it's not really about what you learn. It's sort of the process of learning that you learn. You know what I mean? I mean, 90% of the stuff you learn is worthless. Listen, everybody here, everyone listen to me. It's going to be the name of my next book. Everyone listen to me. Here's what everyone needs. You need to read. You need to write. These are the things you need to learn. And you should all learn to type and do basic math.

4:25 Drew Exactly.

4:26 Adam And the rest of that, the rest is gravy. You want to know about history? That's gravy. You're interested in it? Watch the History Channel. This is what they should be teaching. But you, but see, I think it's weird when people are home schooled.

4:40 Yeah, I do too.

4:42 Adam Well, why did you become home schooled? Were you getting picked on?

4:45 Drew Um, no, not really. It was basically, it just started because, um, like, my parents didn't want to put me in school, like in kindergarten or anything, because they basically don't believe in it.

4:58 Adam What don't they believe in?

5:00 Drew I'm not sure.

5:01 Adam But see, here's the thing, Jeremy. Three quarters of life is just worthless. You go to work, you don't work all day. It's just about how to get along.

5:09 Drew Okay.

5:10 Adam You do your job, but mainly it's about kissing ass, getting along, and not pissing off people that are above you or next to you.

5:18 Drew Right, right.

5:19 Adam See what I'm saying?

5:20 Drew Right.

5:20 Adam And that's what school essentially is. Exactly. It's a little bit of one quarter work, and the rest is just sort of learning to get along.

5:28 Drew But I don't have to go anywhere every day, and I can basically do what I want.

5:32 Adam All right. All I'm saying is one day you've got to leave the house.

5:36 Yeah, sure.

5:36 Drew I leave the house all the time, man.

5:37 I got a job.

5:39 Adam Okay.

5:39 Drew All right.

5:40 Adam All right.

5:40 Drew I just wanted to know, basically, you know, I don't meet people as much as someone in public school.

5:48 Adam That's my point.

5:49 Drew Like, duh.

5:50 Adam Right.

5:51 Drew But I like, you know, of anywhere that I could go to meet people easier.

5:56 Adam You know, they ought to have homeschooling mixers. They do?

6:01 Drew They have stuff like that. I know a bunch of other homeschooled kids.

6:03 Adam Yeah, they have like a homeschool prom. I don't know. They wouldn't have it in the gym. They'd probably have it like in the garage or the rumpus room. Shouldn't there just be a whole network for homeschooled people?

6:16 Drew There's like a ton of stuff.

6:18 They actually have a homeschool day at Great America.

6:20 Adam Well, what about a homeschool prom?

6:23 Drew I don't know.

6:24 Adam Who do you ask? Your mom?

6:25 Drew I ask no one. I don't have a girlfriend either. And that really sucks.

6:30 Adam It's prom season. You're going to ask your cat, the mailman, or your mom? What's it going to be? All right. All right. Listen, here's how to meet. You have any interest? You go to church or anything? No. No. Are you part of a white supremacist movement or anything like that? No. Any hobbies? What about work? Where do you work?

6:54 Drew I actually don't work there anymore because I quit yesterday.

6:58 Adam OK.

6:58 Drew But I did work in like a gaming store.

7:01 Adam Do you have any friends?

7:03 Drew Yeah.

7:03 Adam OK. Hang out with those friends. Are they home school geeks?

7:08 Drew They're not geeks, but they're home school.

7:10 Adam Oh, I don't know where you home school. Like I said, you're going to have to ask your mom to the prom. And then it's going to be tough the next day when your friends are like, Did you get any? You're like, smell my fingers. Jeremy, go to the mall. I don't know. Go to church. Get involved with some group that does something. And then you'll meet those people who do that thing, too. I know it sounds corny, but the guy's home schooled. He doesn't have a job. All his friends are home schooled. Get on the Internet and do that home schooled prom thing. That's my idea.

7:45 All right.

7:45 Adam Let's talk to Celine. Celine?

7:48 Yeah.

7:49 Adam You're 14.

7:50 Caller Uh huh.

7:50 Adam What's up?

7:52 Caller Me and my boyfriend, we were just like thinking about like having anal sex. And I was wondering how 14.

7:59 Adam You haven't had anal sex yet?

8:01 Caller No.

8:02 Adam Oh, man.

8:04 Hello.

8:05 Adam 2002. Wow. How'd you make it? Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead, Anderson. You're 70. You haven't gone down on a bitch yet? Jesus Christ. The things I say during the commercial breaks. Celine, seriously, how'd you make it to the ripe old age of 14 without any butt love? That's incredible. Oh, well. So the question is, you want to get going?

8:30 Caller Yeah. And I was wondering, like, if you can give me, like, any tips on how, like, to make it, like, not hurt, if it's, like, possible or how to get it in there, you know?

8:40 Adam Well, here's the thing. Like I said, by 14, you know, that that train's left the station. I mean, usually the anal sex thing is like from nine to twelve. But I guess you're a late bloomer. Are you sure you want to do this?

8:56 Caller Yeah.

8:56 Adam How old's your boyfriend?

8:57 Caller Like, do anything.

8:59 Adam How old is your boyfriend?

9:00 Caller He is 17.

9:02 Adam Seventeen and you're 14. And he wants to get into the butt love. And you do everything else with him?

9:09 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

9:11 Adam What do you mean, pretty much?

9:12 Caller I haven't given him blood on yet, but.

9:14 Adam Really?

9:15 Caller That's another thing to come. Yeah.

9:17 Adam Why not?

9:18 Caller I don't know. Just never really came up.

9:21 Adam Well, let me let me explain the the sex pecking order chart to you, Celine, since you seem to have some confusion. It goes making out, boob grab, fingering, hand job, blow job, intercourse, anal sex. You see?

9:38 Caller Well, I got it all mixed up.

9:39 Adam Yeah, you're you're taking you're taking number eight and you're sliding it into the number five slot or six slot. You see what I'm saying?

9:49 Caller Yeah.

9:51 Adam You're you should be you should be focusing on oral sex at 14, not anal sex. You see? And he's 17. I don't trust this guy. What's he do?

10:02 Caller He goes to school.

10:03 Adam Yeah. He's in high school. Is he an OK guy?

10:07 Caller Yeah.

10:08 Adam Does he treat you right?

10:09 Caller Yep.

10:09 Adam Where's your dad?

10:11 Caller Um, in a camper.

10:13 Adam He's in a camper?

10:14 Caller Yeah. Like 18 blocks away.

10:19 Adam He lives in a camper?

10:20 Caller Yeah.

10:21 Adam It's not even a mobile home?

10:22 Caller No, it's like a canopy thing, but a little bit bigger.

10:27 Adam Yeah. Well, on what land?

10:30 Caller On what land?

10:31 Adam Yeah.

10:32 Caller What do you mean?

10:34 Adam Well, his camper, is it just parked in the woods?

10:37 Caller Backyard.

10:38 Adam It's in somebody else's yard?

10:40 Caller Yeah.

10:40 Adam It's not his yard?

10:42 Caller No.

10:42 Adam That's what I mean. It was one of his loser friends?

10:46 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

10:48 Adam What's up with your dad?

10:50 Caller Every time he gets money from one of his jobs and his pay and everything, he goes and spends it on weed.

10:56 Adam Yeah.

10:57 Caller Pretty much.

10:57 Adam Your dad's a jackass, right?

11:00 Caller A little bit.

11:01 Adam He's an idiot. Believe me, when you get a little bit older, you really know what an idiot he is. And now you're hooking up with older guys and you're kind of taking all this energy you have and you're putting it in your ass. That's not the right thing to do, Celine. Don't use yourself up so early. This is compensation. What about your mom?

11:22 Caller I live with her.

11:23 Adam How is she?

11:27 Caller She's a bitch.

11:30 Adam So everything sucks in your life, right?

11:32 Caller Everything. My parents.

11:35 Adam Okay. But look, here's what you need to focus on. No anal sex. You're too young. You hear me? Yes. And if that boyfriend of yours bugs you for it, then he's not a good guy and you should dump him. You need to get your grades up and go far away to college somewhere. Possibly becoming a lesbian. Listen, screwball, don't get pregnant. What are you guys using for protection?

12:01 Caller Condoms. And I'm going to be getting a shot in a couple weeks where I don't get pregnant.

12:08 Adam Okay. And I'm sorry about your dad. Sorry he's an idiot. Just don't love him anymore. Just move on.

12:15 Caller Okay. I'll do that.

12:17 Adam No butt love.

12:18 Caller Okay.

12:19 Adam Makes the baby Jesus cry.

12:21 Caller Oh yeah. All right.

12:22 Adam Good times. Good times. Let's talk to Kyle. Kyle?

12:29 Yeah?

12:30 Adam You're 16?

12:31 Caller Yeah.

12:31 Adam Yeah. Dr. Drew is, I'm not sure where tonight.

12:35 Caller He's an idiot.

12:36 Adam Perhaps in Panama somewhere. Perhaps stuck on the freeway.

12:39 Caller Maybe a tribe captured him.

12:42 Adam Oh, like a Panamanian tribe?

12:44 Caller Like, on my Amazon computer game.

12:47 Adam Right.

12:47 Caller Tribes can capture you and then you'll lose the game.

12:50 Adam Well, as you know, that closely mimics real life as a computer game, so it's a possibility. It's also possible he could have got his ass kicked by Donkey Kong or Super Mario. Kyle, what's up?

13:05 Caller I have a theory.

13:06 Adam Wait a minute. Is it Kyle Lee?

13:08 Caller No, it's Kyle.

13:10 Adam Kyle the dude?

13:12 Caller Kyle the girl.

13:13 Adam Oh, Kyle the chick. Okay.

13:15 Caller Yes, Kyle the chick.

13:15 Adam All right, Kyle, go ahead.

13:17 Caller Okay, I had the hardest time explaining this to your phone screeners. They don't get it.

13:22 Adam Well, it's not that they don't get it. It's just they don't care.

13:25 He's an idiot.

13:27 Caller The girl had to get some other guy to listen to me, so he'd get it.

13:31 Adam Hey, Kyle?

13:32 Caller Yeah?

13:32 Adam You want me to hang up on you?

13:33 Caller No, I'll tell you my theory.

13:35 Adam Quit complaining and ask the stupid questions.

13:38 Caller It's my twin theory. You know how, well, I don't think I'm really medically correct here, but you know how when the girl gets pregnant and then there's like one egg that's split into two to make twins?

13:49 Adam Yeah.

13:50 Caller Okay. Well, we're just going to pretend that everyone has like 50 hotness points, like how you look. Right.

13:58 Adam Right.

14:00 Caller And so when twins get split, sort of their hotness points, because twins just look kind of weaker these days. I've noticed that.

14:08 Adam Well, see, I disagree with you. We have a couple of twins on the man show that are hot.

14:14 Caller Oh, no. I also have a theory for them, too, for twins that are hot.

14:18 Adam Oh, yeah. Go ahead.

14:19 Caller Okay. So if you are meant as one person to have more, like a hundred or maybe like a hundred and fifty, so that when they get split, right, they have seventy five as an individual person. They look pretty normal.

14:31 Adam Yeah. But here's the problem with your theories. There's a ceiling to hotness points. I mean, you're you know, you have like ten hotness points for everybody. And some people are threes and some people are nines.

14:46 Caller Yeah.

14:47 Adam But you can't just say, well, these twins were destined to be fifteens. So when they got split, they became two seven and a halfs. That's retarded.

14:57 Caller No, it's not.

14:58 Adam Listen, they're hot twins. The Barbie twins were hot. The double mint twins were hot. The Hee Haw twins were hot. There's a lot of hot twins out there.

15:08 Caller Yeah, because they have more hotness points.

15:10 Adam So you're saying that if one of the Barbie twins, and they've been around the block a little bit, but let's go back to 1989 or something, if one of the Barbie twins had not been a twin, if she'd just come out as one person, and it was just the Barbie, then instead of being a nine, she'd be an eighteen. Okay, all right, listen. I've got a theory about your IQ. I think you split that with your dead twin that died on the slab.

15:46 Caller Oh, I don't have a dead twin.

15:47 Adam Okay, listen. Stop thinking so much, and see if you can rustle up a date for the prom, all right?

15:53 Caller Okay.

15:54 Adam You have a date?

15:54 Caller I think that girl that wanted to go with you to the prom, she's not too smart.

15:57 Adam You going out with anybody?

15:59 Caller No.

15:59 Adam All right. Stop eating so much and stop thinking so much, and get busy. You're fat. Find yourself a man.

16:06 Caller Okay.

16:06 Adam All right? You spend too much time sitting around, not exercising and doing too much thinking. Thank you. I know it sounded cruel, but someone's got to tell these folks. I was just sitting around eating and thinking. It's not going to the prom. And listen, everybody, all you guys that spend a lot of time, let's say, writing poetry, thinking of profound thoughts like the twin splitting with the hotness points and things like that. You folks who make music or do art, do drawings, paintings, things like that, most of it is ass. You see what I'm saying? So now you're just wasting your time, meaning you think you're engaged in a real cerebral process by sitting around and thinking all the time, except for the stuff you're thinking about is retarded. Now you're wasting your time. It's only good if you think of good stuff. And I'll be the judge of that. All right, let's get back to the phones and talk to Eddie, who's on line four, 16 years old. Eddie.

17:14 Drew Hey, hey, so what are you up to today?

17:18 Adam Are you stoned? No, really?

17:20 Drew I'm just cold.

17:23 Adam Why?

17:24 Drew I don't know. No, because I'm in my room and it's like cold in here.

17:29 Adam I see. So you're saying you're cold because it's cold where you are.

17:33 Drew Yeah.

17:34 Adam Hold on. Let me get my scratch pads. And that works for everybody?

17:38 Drew Yeah.

17:39 Adam Interesting. Interesting.

17:40 Drew No, because I'm in the garage.

17:42 Adam Oh, you're in the garage?

17:43 Caller Yeah, because I live here.

17:44 Adam I see. You're in the garage. That's fine. Well, that's see, that would have been an answer that we wouldn't have had to have this discussion over if you told me up top. Okay. So you're in the garage because you want your parents to hear you?

17:56 Drew No, I live here. This is my room.

17:58 Adam Oh, you live in the garage?

17:59 Drew Yeah.

18:00 Adam You got a slab floor, no insulation?

18:04 Drew No, I actually put a carpet in.

18:07 Adam Right. Over the slab?

18:08 Drew Yeah.

18:10 Adam And did you insulate? Put some drywall up?

18:13 Drew Just on the roof.

18:14 Caller Sidewalls are freaking cold.

18:16 Adam Yeah, they're just open studs? Yeah. With that one horizontal one by six going across?

18:21 Drew Yeah, sort of.

18:22 Caller And I messed up in the middle, so there's this big hump.

18:25 Adam Yeah. All right. All right. That's bad times. But I used to live in our garage too, you know.

18:30 Drew Oh, really?

18:31 Adam Yeah. See how it is cold in there. I actually set my blanket on fire at night with my space heater. So what's your question?

18:39 Drew Well, I have this weird-ass question. Since I was little, I go camping a lot, to like the beach. And like, you know, ever since I had to use like public bathrooms, I wouldn't just sit on them, like with my behind, but you know, skin, skin to the side. So I would just kneel on them. And ever since that, I would just...

19:02 Adam Hold on a second. Kneel down, meaning you're sitting on your heels?

19:06 Drew Yeah, like sitting on my heels. You know, like if you were crouching now.

19:10 Adam Right. So on these toilets at the campsites, you put your shins on the toilet.

19:17 Drew No, not my shins, my heels.

19:19 Adam Oh, well, that's not kneeling, that's crouching.

19:22 Drew Yeah, like crouching, yeah.

19:23 Adam Wait a minute, your heels?

19:25 Drew My heels, yeah.

19:26 Adam Hold on. Are your heels on the ground?

19:28 Drew No, they're on the toilet. They're on the bowl.

19:32 Adam And you're facing outward?

19:34 Drew Yeah.

19:35 Adam And your shins then must be on the toilet seat?

19:41 Drew Yeah, exactly.

19:45 Adam Hold on a second. Didn't I say your shins were on the toilet seat 10 minutes ago and he said no, my heels are on the toilet seat and then we took another lap around the park with his crappy crap story? Jesus Christ. All right, Eddie. So your shins are on the toilet and you're kneeling?

20:08 Drew Yeah.

20:09 Adam Okay. Now what?

20:10 Drew And ever since that, I was just using the bathroom like that because I have this fear of sitting on it.

20:16 Adam At home you use the bathroom that way? Yeah. How tall are you?

20:21 Drew I'm like 5'12. Almost 6.

20:27 Adam Almost?

20:28 Drew Yeah.

20:28 Adam How far away from?

20:29 Drew A centimeter off.

20:31 Adam Oh, I see. So when you're in Europe, you're not quite 6 but you're exactly 6 when you're stateside?

20:39 Drew Yeah. You know, the metric system thing.

20:42 Adam Yeah. Right. Hold on. Anderson, write that down somewhere. How tall am I? 5'12. Almost 6. See, I can never think of good examples of how dumb the people who call this show are. And now if I could just write that down. It's 5'12. Well, listen, you keep drinking that milk and working out and you're gonna get to 6 in no time, Eddie. All right. Now, here's what I'd like you to do. It's 6. It seems tough to put your knees on the toilet seat without the back of your feet pushing against the toilet bowl or the toilet tank. Doesn't that push you too far forward?

21:31 Drew You didn't understand what I was saying. You know how you crouch down? If you're gonna, like, you know how in the pitcher in baseball, you know, the catcher, he goes like that? Yeah, that's basically how I take it.

21:44 Adam Okay. That, okay. Oh, my God. I've got. Hey, Anderson, next to the 512 answer, write down Adam, kill yourself. I don't want to forget. I keep forgetting. How tall are you?

22:03 Drew I'm like. 512 almost 6.

22:09 Adam Almost. Oh, that jackass Eddie. First, he said, I kneel on the toilet, so I said, you kneel, you put your shins on the toilet seat, and he said, no, my ankles. And I said, so you squat down over the seat. And he said, no, I kneel. And then I said, so you put your shins on the seat. And he said, yes, I put my shins on the seat. Yeah, look, everybody takes a dump that way when they're camping. Nobody plants their ass on the seat. Ironically, this is probably why the camping toilet seat's in the best shape out of all the toilet seats, because every mofo goes in there thinks he's a genius. And he's he's invented a new way of taking a dump, which is not putting his ass on the seat. I understand that. And you know what, Eddie, if this is the way you take a crap, then this is the way you take a crap. I'm not going to try to talk you out of it. I don't I'm sure it's good for you. It's good exercise for your thighs to do that squatting. And I'm sure your parents don't mind you not putting your grubby ass all over the toilet seat. And then later on, your roommate and then your wife. And then the guy shares the head with you at the nursing home later on in life. So that's fine. If that's the way you do it, then do it. We'll take a little break. I was thinking, how do you read on the can when you're squatted that way? But then I thought, I bet Eddie isn't a big reader. That was just, it's just a hunch, but I'm going along with it. All right, Dr. Drew, I don't know where. Me here, you there, and we'll be back with more Loveline after this.

24:05 Caller Love Line on 94.7 NRK is brought to you by...

24:15 Adam Hey y'all, Love Line. I'm Adam. Dr. Drew is mysteriously missing tonight. We will dock him his pay and yell at him when we see him. Although I was just talking to producer Ann, and we're slightly concerned because she had it in her calendar that he was supposed to be back here tonight, and he is not back here tonight. And I know it's been two or three weeks since he left on his trip because I know when he left. And he's a pretty responsible guy and we've not heard from him. So we're hoping like hell that he didn't get into some kind of accident or some sort of run into some kind of trouble along the way. I don't assume that he did, but there's always that possibility. So we'll anxiously await any news we get on Dr. Drew and fill you in as soon as we get it. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. I was thinking since it's just me tonight, obviously we're not going to take too many medical questions until Drew walks through that door. Although from sitting next to him, I've absorbed enough over the years so I can probably take a crack at some of them. Well, why don't you tell me what you got for Christmas when you call up? Tell me if it was a good one or a bad one. Oh, boy. Now this is wonderful. Yeah. And tell me what your New Year's Reso was too so I can make fun of it and then call you this time next year and make fun of you again. Okay. Let's talk to Anna. Anna? You're 18?

25:57 Caller I'm 18?

25:58 Adam Yeah. No. Says 18.

26:01 Caller I'm 15 and a half.

26:03 Adam Oh. Says 18. All right.

26:05 Caller He didn't ask me my age. So he just made an educated guess.

26:08 Adam What did you get for Christmas?

26:10 Caller Lots of clothes. Stuff like that.

26:12 Adam Boring.

26:13 Caller Boring? No. They were really cool clothes.

26:15 Adam Yeah. You chicks like clothes. No. Guys are pissed when they get clothes.

26:20 Caller This is good.

26:21 Adam All right. What's your New Year's Reso?

26:24 Caller To get good grades.

26:26 Caller Boring.

26:28 Adam What the hell's up with you? You got a sweater. You want to get better grades? What kind of life are you leading?

26:33 Caller What?

26:34 Adam This is a very boring life you're leading.

26:36 Caller Oh, no. It's filled with excitement.

26:39 Adam All right. All right. What's your problem?

26:42 Caller Well, see, my dad's like stupid or a jerk.

26:47 Adam Yeah.

26:48 Caller And a deadbeat, in a way. And I was wondering, you know, your opinion if I should change my last name. Because technically my last name is, well, should I say my last name?

26:59 Adam Yeah, I'll hear it. What the hell?

27:01 Caller Oh, OK. My last name is Donovan.

27:03 Adam Donovan?

27:05 Caller Technically, but so far it's like Hayes or something.

27:09 Adam Well, hold on a second. What's your dad's last name?

27:12 Caller Hayes.

27:13 Adam Hayes.

27:13 Caller Yeah.

27:14 Adam All right. That's not bad.

27:17 Caller Well, see, I wanted to change it because when I was born, my mom, she like turned to my dad because I was born out of wedlock. And she turned to my dad and was like, what should I put on the last name? And he didn't say anything.

27:28 Adam Yeah.

27:28 Caller And so she just put Donovan. So technically it's Donovan.

27:31 Adam So Donovan is not her name or his name?

27:35 Caller Huh? No, it's her name.

27:36 Adam Oh.

27:37 Caller It's her maiden name.

27:38 Adam Yeah. All right. Well, just tell me about that part.

27:42 Caller She changed her last name to Gabriel.

27:43 Adam Oh, OK. I don't even know why. Look, pick the coolest one. As a matter of fact, why don't you just make your last name like McCool?

27:54 Caller Well, I don't know, because it's kind of complicated. I don't know.

27:58 Adam Change your first name to like Skeet and your last name to McCool.

28:03 Caller Well, I was just wondering, do you think I should do that, though? Because, like...

28:06 Adam Well, you don't like your dad?

28:08 Caller Well, he put... I called him before, actually, so...

28:12 Adam He, look, does he drink? Is he an idiot? Does he not pay attention to you?

28:16 Caller He pushed me out of a car.

28:18 Adam Was the car moving?

28:19 Caller Yeah.

28:20 Adam Uh-oh.

28:21 Caller Yeah.

28:21 Adam That's different.

28:22 Caller Yeah, and you got to rest in and stuff. And there's actually court coming up and stuff like that.

28:28 Adam Okay, Anna, let me just tell you real fast.

28:30 Caller Yeah?

28:30 Adam Here's where you need all your energy to go. What? Not in the name. That means nothing. Listen, your last name could be Hitler and it wouldn't make a difference. And don't worry about the name. You put your energy into not letting your horrible dad ruin the rest of your life.

28:48 Caller Well, that's what I want to do. I want to make it so, like, funny.

28:51 Adam Yeah, but the superficial part with the name is just that. It's superficial. I mean, you got to focus on not letting his sort of emotional history haunt and influence the rest of your life. You got to get good grades. You got to go away to college. You got to not get pregnant at 16. You got to not hook up an abusive a-hole like your dad. You can't be attracted to the things that you may be attracted to because of this guy. That's where your focus should be, okay? And then go with McCool or Rockolla. Maybe I shouldn't say anything over the air, but sometimes when Drew and I travel, we go by fake names because we go to these colleges and sometimes people know our name and if it's the only hotel in town then the college kids call you at 5 in the morning. Actually one time. I'll tell this story because I haven't told it in a long time and I think Producer Ann likes it. We did West Virginia and basically what got me into this is we travel with fake names and I forgot what my fake name was because I hadn't done it in a long time and I was trying to check into the hotel and I kept telling them my name and they kept telling me I wasn't in the hotel and I was getting angrier and angrier at the people who are supposed to check me in and as it turns out it was Ace Rock Cole or something like that but one time when we did West Virginia about two or three years ago I got home and there was a oh I don't know there was there was a drunken rambling message on my phone machine about some chicks she was laughing hey Adam when we gonna get together you're West Virginia come on over don't you party with me and it was a little sex sprinkled into it and whatnot anyway I got home late I don't know why what we did after the gig but I had to get up make a flight like an 8 a.m. flight so I had to get up at like 6 and I got up at 6 and I called her from my hotel room and she was asleep and she picked up the phone and she's like huh who is this I'm like hey it's Adam baby huh Adam who Adam Corolla you called you called last night you wanted to party let's party oh I got who is this it's Adam baby I'm back in the hotel and I want to swing what time is it's 6 I got to make a flight in a couple hours I got time to party just a little bit I gotta be at class oh you can't blow off class one day to party anyway I ran this chick around for like 15 minutes she was asleep and I'm sure she did one of those things where she hung up and went back to sleep and then woke up at 830 and had some vague memory that maybe Adam called her but not quite sure anyway so we give fake names to travel and I oftentimes forget the fake name and can't get into the hotel. Let's move on and speak to Dan who's 16. Dan?

32:05 Yep.

32:05 Adam You're 16. What did you get for Christmas, Dan?

32:10 Caller I got a lot of CDs, Puddle of Mud who was in there last week I think it was.

32:14 Adam Yep.

32:15 Drew Yeah, that was a pretty nice CD though.

32:18 Adam Good. Yeah. And your parents got you that?

32:21 Caller Yeah, my mom did.

32:22 Adam And you have to tell them which one to get?

32:24 Caller Yeah, and it has that little boy peeing on the front so she didn't like that.

32:28 Adam Right. But if you don't tell them, you're going to get...

32:32 Caller I'm going to go out and buy me some stupid present like clothing.

32:35 Adam Right. Underwear. Right, right. All right. What's up there, Dan?

32:39 Caller I was wondering, why do the majority of men prefer real boobs than fake boobs on women?

32:49 Adam Well, why do we prefer real leather as opposed to fake leather? Why real? You substitute whatever the object is, real is always better than fake. And also, there's a backlash against fake because fake used to be... Fake was real interesting when it was a novelty and no one seemed to have it and people couldn't figure out how someone could have boobs that would defy gravity this way. But now that everybody, you know, school teachers got fake hands now and it's not a novelty anymore and there's a little backlash against it. But it's also one of those societal things that stuff is real cool as long as only a couple of cool people have it and then when everyone gets it, it's not cool anymore.

33:34 Caller Exactly.

33:36 Why?

33:36 Adam You like real?

33:38 Caller I don't really matter to me.

33:40 Adam Yeah.

33:41 Caller I mean, fake is okay and real is okay.

33:43 It just depends on really.

33:45 Caller I mean, how it feels.

33:47 Adam You've never touched one have you, Dan?

33:49 Drew Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

33:50 Adam You touch a fake one?

33:52 Caller No.

33:53 Adam No. But you've touched a real one?

33:55 Drew Yeah.

33:56 Adam Outside of the family? Outside of the family? I mean, like a girl, not your sister or nothing like that?

34:02 Drew Oh, yeah.

34:04 Adam Yeah. You have a girlfriend?

34:05 Caller No, not at the time.

34:07 Adam But you're a virgin, right?

34:08 Drew Yeah.

34:09 Adam Yeah. All right. Now, I've said this to Drew many times. Sixteen years old, calling the show, mail, listened to a puddle of mud, felt the boob, but yet knew he was a virgin. There is a tone to a man's voice who was a virgin. And Dan spoke in that tone. All right. Let's move ahead. We'll just I'm just going down the line here. Lance.

34:38 Caller Yeah.

34:38 Adam You're twenty nine.

34:39 Caller Twenty nine.

34:40 Adam What did you get for Christmas?

34:42 Caller I got the Tony Hawk remote control skateboard and cool Raiders leather jacket.

34:50 Adam Yeah. Twenty nine. Yeah.

34:52 You're gay.

34:54 Adam And does your mom let you play with that? I mean, late at night when she's trying to get some sleep.

34:58 Caller My mom was back in California.

34:59 Adam Oh, you kicked around, huh?

35:01 Caller Yeah, I got rid of her.

35:02 Adam And you living in the old house?

35:05 Caller No, I'm living in Oklahoma.

35:07 Adam Oh, I see. You working?

35:09 Caller Oh, yeah, I'm working.

35:10 Adam All right, everybody. All right. What's up there, Lance?

35:14 Caller I had a question about the door jam on my door.

35:19 Adam Oh, yeah. Let's take some carpentry questions tonight. That's fine.

35:24 Caller The door sticks. Summertime.

35:26 Adam Yeah.

35:26 Caller And I was wondering if you knew any remedies for that?

35:29 Adam Yeah. Well, where is it sticking at the top?

35:33 Caller Yeah, it's sticking right at the top left hand corner.

35:38 Adam What are you doing with the phone there, Lance?

35:40 Caller Oh, I'll get you moved out of there. I'm at work.

35:43 Adam Where are you working?

35:45 Caller I'm working at the traffic analyst for a credit card company.

35:49 Adam I see. What does that mean?

35:52 Caller Well, whenever the calls come through, we handle multi-portfolios for different banks.

35:58 Adam I see. All right. I'm bored. Hold on.

36:00 Caller Okay.

36:01 Adam So, Lance, your door is sticking.

36:03 Caller Right.

36:03 Adam And the reason it's sticking, it's sticking away from the hinge at the top, right?

36:08 Caller Right.

36:09 Adam On the knob side, or as we like to call the strike side, not the butt side, which is the hinge side.

36:15 Caller Right.

36:16 Adam And it's sticking up there because it's sagging, and the door jam is staying where it is, but the door is starting to move over. And so if you picture two squares, one square just a little bit smaller than the one it's inside of, and then one leaning a little, the upper left-hand corner up there is going to hit the door jam.

36:35 Caller Right.

36:35 Adam So you need to tighten up the screws that are in the upper hinge of that door. Are those hinges tight? Are those screws tight?

36:44 Caller I don't know. Hopefully, my wife's listening right now and checking it as we speak.

36:48 Adam She should tighten those screws up. The other thing she can do is, see, you shouldn't be sanding or planing the door down because nothing moved. What I mean is, is the door didn't change shape and the jam most likely didn't change shape, but something hung, something sagging. You need to pull it back into shape, not start cutting on it.

37:10 Caller Okay.

37:10 Adam All right. So tighten the top screws in the hinges, in the upper hinge, and then take a block of wood and a hammer and shut the door and put it on the hinge knuckle and whack it a couple of times the way you want it to go. Wow. That'll tweak it and bend it out that way. All right. That sounds good. Yeah.

37:29 All right.

37:29 Adam And listen, listen, everybody, if you want to move it, if you want to move something, tighten all the hinges down. Oh, forget it. I get excited.

37:40 You are my teacher.

37:41 Adam Here's what I'm saying. When you tighten all the hinges of your door that's either dragging or scraping or whatever, you can move it around. You can put a take a hammer and whack the shut the door. Take a hammer and whack the knuckles of the hinge the opposite way. And the door will suck over a little bit. All you need is a sixteenth of an inch. Or if you got a door where you want the hinge to go the other way or you want the thing to bow out, you can open the door and put put a little spacer like a nail or something in the hinge and then close it and it'll bend it out as you push it shut.

38:17 Thank God for Dr. Drew.

38:22 Adam We gotta take a break. All right. Well, we'll take your home improvement questions tonight. I'll answer any questions you like about my high school football playing days. And we'll talk about what you got for Christmas after this. Howdy, y'all. Loveline, I'm Adam. Dr. Drew will be with us tomorrow night. We've got an answer to our question. And phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Jay McGraw's gonna be in here tomorrow night, system of a down a little bit later on in the week. Also, next week, Joe Rogan. Jeez, you guys watch that Fear Factor? I was watching the Celebrity Fear Factor. And, yeah, Coolio won. Celebrities aren't as big a puss as you think. Like, you kind of think, eh, they're a celebrity. They gotta be a puss. But they all sat there, including, this was Coolio, this was that wrestler chick, Donny Osmond, what's-their-name, John Travolta, Kelly Preston. And they put a clear, lucite box on their head, and they dumped a whole, like, 20 pounds of mealworms in there, so that was, like, basically up to their chin in mealworms. And then they dumped some millipedes that were just sort of, like, centipedes, but had a million more likes. I don't know what they are. I was cool with all those things, and then came the scorpions, and that's where I get weird. And I suppose everyone else would get weird, too. But I would rather take another 500 pounds of worms in those millipedes, or whatever the hell they were, and not that, I think they're emperor scorpions, or whatever, they're black as night, and they have huge pinchers on them, and they just dump them on your head, and they just crawl all over your head, and your ears, and your nose, and they crap all over you. And you're getting this, and there's John Travolta's wife, Kelly Presson, getting all this bug crap on her, and everything, and they all did it. And I think I may have wussed on that one. I know there's peer pressure, but Jesus Christ, sound like the money's going in your pocket. It's for charity, for Christ's sake. So the kids eat beans one night. They don't have to eat steak every night. Besides, someone's gonna win and give them the charity money. You know what I mean? Why does it need to be your stinking charity? Oh, anyway, I might do the next celebrity one, but I'm trying to put my feelers out there because I don't want to agree to do it and then say I have to like dive into a kiddie pool of roaches or something. I'll freak. I think I can handle this. I would rather deal with an alligator than a roach. I would rather deal with a handful. I'd rather have a bunch of snakes dumped on me than those bunch of roaches and... Oh, yeah. Go ahead, Ann.

42:01 Will you eat anything as well?

42:03 Adam Yeah. See, that's the other thing too.

42:05 That's awful.

42:06 Adam Yeah. I'm not... I don't want to eat a cow's eyeball and I don't want to eat a water bison scrotum sack and that stuff's all weird to me too. I mean, can't we just do one where it's like, you know, there's something's lit on fire and I got to run past it or something? Why do I got to eat a moth?

42:33 I would not agree to do this.

42:35 Adam No. Okay. Well, Ann says no. But see, here's the thing. I'm not supposed to talk about it, but I got an inside connection so I can get a little idea of some of the stuff. You know what I'm saying?

42:46 Caller But something's going to be bad. You have to either eat something or have snakes all over you.

42:52 Adam I got no problem with the bungee jumping and I got no problem with some jousting on a high wire or doing anything like doing some stunt where I roll a car or something. I have zero problem with any of that stuff. It's just the part where I get the 4,000 snails to crawl on my naked body while seagulls peck them off is the part that freaks me out. Yes, go ahead.

43:20 Caller You better hope the producer doesn't hate you and they're not listening.

43:23 Adam Yeah, that's true too. Well, I don't know. I didn't give anything away. All right. All right. So anyway, I don't know why that fear factor thing jumped into my mind. Oh yeah, Joe Rogan is coming on next week. So anyway, we'll talk to him about it. And they just keep pushing the envelope with this show. I mean, now they have one more. You got to get naked, walk down a stage. I mean, think about that. There's a hundred people in the room. There's producers, there's craft service guys. The cameras are rolling. You're just walking down that stage nude. Guys and girls, are you in or are you out? Getting diabolical with that crap. You know, it's weird. Now we've become we've become like these like Japan where they had all these crazy game shows where they would, you know, put a cage on a guy's head and put a rat in it and make him ride a unicycle across the desert. We're getting, we have people just sitting around in rooms trying to think of ways to torture people that won't actually kill them. My god, I'm being raped!

44:25 Help!

44:31 Hey.

44:32 Adam Yeah. You know, one of the things they were talking about doing is going on a long van ride with Drew's wife.

44:39 Oh.

44:40 Adam Yeah.

44:41 Depends on where you're going. Is it in the middle of the desert?

44:43 Adam No. Yeah, listen, I don't care if we were, if we were going to Maui. It would still be painful.

44:48 You know, a moth I would eat. A worm I might even eat also, but scorpions?

44:54 Adam Well, you don't eat the scorpions.

44:56 No.

44:57 Adam You just put a box on your head. So, only just your neck pokes through this box, and then the box is filled with scorpions, worms, and millipedes.

45:07 Oh.

45:08 Adam Yeah.

45:08 Yeah.

45:09 Adam And here's the deal. How many nights after that are you going to dream when you're asleep? And you know that point? It's not, you're not dreaming yet. You're just dozing off. You're just starting to go off, and you reach up and smack your neck. All right. Anyway, Randy, what's up?

45:24 Caller Well, hey, I just wanted to say thank you. I met you February 12th, 2000, when you were in Lexington, Kentucky.

45:31 Adam Oh, yeah.

45:32 Caller Yeah. I handed you something I had written. Am I allowed to say the name of the show?

45:37 Adam Yeah, go ahead.

45:38 Caller Star Trek Voyager.

45:40 Adam Yeah.

45:40 Caller I wanted, well, I'd written that script for you in 709.

45:43 Adam Oh, yeah. That's right.

45:45 Caller And they used the name that I had given for 709.

45:50 Adam What is 709?

45:52 Caller Well, in the script that I had written, she had...

45:55 Adam Wait, who's 709? I don't watch Star Trek.

45:58 Caller Jerry Lynn Ryan.

45:59 Adam She's 709?

46:00 Caller Yeah. She's on that new, she's on Boston Public.

46:03 Adam Oh, that hot blonde?

46:05 Caller Yeah.

46:05 Adam Yeah, I like her.

46:06 Caller Yeah. She's from Paducah, Kentucky, by the way.

46:09 Adam Yeah.

46:09 Caller Yeah.

46:10 Adam Well, she's never coming back. That's the bad news.

46:12 Caller Wow!

46:13 Caller See, I figured if you got a script that had you kissing 709, you could have bragging rights.

46:20 Caller Yeah.

46:21 Adam How about I kiss 609?

46:24 Caller Whatever.

46:25 Caller Hey.

46:26 Adam All right. That was a little nerds. All right. Randy?

46:31 Caller Yeah.

46:32 Adam Is that it? Because we're going to eight of six you.

46:36 Caller I understand. I cured my gambling addiction.

46:39 Adam Yeah. That's good.

46:40 Caller By Sunday night, they put me in a section of the track where nobody goes to bed. I just plug my laptop in and I get paid $10 an hour for six hours.

46:49 Adam That's right. You were addicted to gambling and you worked at the track. I now remember this conversation. All right. We're going to take ourselves a break. Yeah. Calling all nerds. Well, you know, the only the only worse, the only thing is worse than a guy who's really in the Star Trek is a guy who thinks everyone is really in the Star Trek. So he starts talking and weaving in like Spock's dad's name and thinks you're supposed to know what the F he's talking about. That's the only thing that now you're delusional. Okay, we'll be right back. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. Dr. Drew is not with us tonight. There was a little bit of confusion about that, but he'll be back tomorrow night. We'll hear all about his trip through the Panama Canal and how all that worked. He also went to Cuba, I understand. So we're going to figure out how that works. And that claims he was going to have some sort of meeting with Castro. We'll see how that came out, too. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Anderson said he had a song that he'd worked on as a Christmas present to me. I don't know if that's to me, Andrew, or just to me, just to me. And that he'd worked on it and that he was pretty proud of it. And I have not heard it yet. And I believe he's finished with it. And we have the Drew Shuffle and the Drew Boogie. But I don't think we have anything for Adam. So if that's ready to go, Anderson, why don't you give us a treat and let us hear it? I'm going to say something amazingly profound right now.

49:10 Caller My boyfriend literally...

49:14 Caller Why?

49:25 Oh, come on! Oh, no!

49:34 Adam All right, I'm giving you all the sex start now. Uh, I just got done whacking off to my mom. Mommy? The world is your oyster. I mean, because that's all the world is. Drew is so jealous of my pegaroo. I'm the smartest of all the blue collar guys, and I'm stupid. The point is, is if I can do it, anyone can do it.

50:05 My boyfriend is literally a millionaire.

50:09 Adam Yeah, that is from producer or I should say engineer Anderson, who did a nice homage to me to fill the gap, because we got the Drew Shuffle and the Drew Boogie. What are we going to call that? Millionaire. Very nice. Had a little craft work feel to it. Very, very industrial.

50:34 Caller It was actually ABC, who wants to, I mean, had to be a millionaire.

50:37 Adam Oh, that's ABC? Jesus Christ. Well, sounded great. Nice work, Anderson. Thank you very much.

50:43 Caller Thank you, Adam.

50:44 Adam All right, let's hop back to the phones. And I'm just going to go by who's been on hold the longest. That would be line six, Landon, who's 15. No, I'm sorry. Hang on, Landon. Mark's been on hold for 56 and a half minutes. Mark.

51:05 Drew Hey.

51:05 Adam What's up?

51:06 Drew Not much.

51:08 Adam That's good.

51:09 Drew Go ahead.

51:10 Adam 15. What's up?

51:11 Drew Oh, wait, I got an Xbox for Christmas.

51:13 Adam You got an X, X what?

51:15 Drew Xbox.

51:16 Adam Oh, yeah. Those are cool.

51:17 Caller Those are.

51:19 Adam That's a video game?

51:21 Drew Well, it's a console.

51:23 Adam Yeah. But you play videos on it?

51:26 Drew Yeah.

51:27 Adam OK. Yeah, it's not the actual game. It's the thing that plays the games.

51:31 Drew Right.

51:31 Adam I got to get hit with the videos. But all I need is another waste of time.

51:36 Drew Well, nobody plays like DVDs, too, and CDs.

51:39 Adam Oh, good. Who got that for your folks?

51:42 Drew My dad, yeah.

51:43 Adam That's nice of him. Yeah. Let me let me say this, everybody. Never been a better time to be poor. Stuff is cheap. I was looking, I found a newspaper from 1977. I found a Valley newspaper. The green sheet or something was in the Valley where I grew up. From 1977, I immediately turned to the electronic page, you know, the federated group and these other places. They're probably out of business now that use to sell electronics. I'm looking at a Sony 13 inch color TV, $387. $377. 1977. And let me translate that. I turned the next page, it said Car Wash, 99 cents. So think about how much that TV set really was in 1977. When the minimum wage now is like $6.50 in 1977, it was like $1.65. Never been a better time to be poor. You're poor now, you can lease yourself a BMW 3 Series. All you need is a job for like $35, $40 grand a year. School teacher, garbage man, whatever. You can lease yourself a loaded Jeep Cherokee. You can buy yourself a big screen TV and a DVD player and hook up the surround sound too. Never been a better time to be poor. Go ahead, Mark.

53:11 Drew Yeah, I have a masturbation problem.

53:14 Adam Never been a better time to masturbate.

53:16 Drew Oh, yeah.

53:16 Adam Never been.

53:18 Drew I kind of, I figure myself in the ass. And I want to know if that's normal.

53:24 Adam Different hand though, right?

53:26 Drew Yeah.

53:26 Adam Yeah. Not the same hand.

53:28 Drew Yeah.

53:29 Adam Yeah. And does that thing, do you rub it or does it go right up in there?

53:34 Drew Both. I mean.

53:36 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Anything we need to know about?

53:41 Drew No.

53:42 Adam No history, no trauma, nothing, no unfiddling with that area before you went to it?

53:47 Drew There was one thing when I was like two. Well, no, wait, five. My parents are divorced.

53:53 Adam Yeah.

53:54 Drew And like my dad had customary of me and he took me back and I had like bruises over me. And he said that I fell down the steps, but my mom wasn't sure.

54:05 Adam But you only lived in a one story house so it didn't really bother you?

54:09 Drew No.

54:09 Adam No. Yeah. What did your mom think?

54:12 Drew Well, she didn't know what to think so she took pictures just in case of me.

54:16 Adam But she would have thought you were physically not sexually assaulted, right?

54:22 Drew Yeah, but I thought I could still have the same effect, right?

54:26 Adam You could. And you have a dad that's a violent, brutal type of a guy?

54:32 Drew No, no.

54:33 Adam He's not a bad guy. I mean, do you love him?

54:36 Drew Yeah.

54:37 Adam All right. Well, this is your thing. Once you try, why don't you save the fingers as a special treat? Like, like, like, let's look at your, look at your ass as like a trip to Disneyland for your hand. You know what I'm saying? It's not a place you go every day, but maybe a couple times a year so you can enjoy it.

54:59 Drew Yeah.

55:00 Adam Because here's the problem. If you do it every day, then it just becomes part of your everyday life. And then you got to raise the bar again. Yeah. Next thing you know, you got a lamp or bowling pin up there. And you're wondering if you're gay? No.

55:15 Drew Well, I mean, I know I'm not, but I don't know.

55:17 Adam What do you think about when you're having it yourself? Think about girls?

55:20 Drew Yeah.

55:21 Adam All right. All the time. Ever think about guys?

55:24 Drew No.

55:26 Adam You're straight then.

55:27 Drew Yeah. I just wondering if that was normal or if you had heard of people that do that?

55:31 Adam It it happens from time to time. It's kind of thing that's hard to get a good tally on because people don't always discuss what they put in their ass when they masturbate. I'm assuming just from my own personal experience that not that many guys do it when they masturbate.

55:50 Caller There's not much you can put up your butt.

55:52 Adam But I would say, let me ask, let me ask my peanut gallery over here. Would you guys say what percentage of guys fiddle with their rear end when they're masturbating? 5%? Under 5%? I don't know. Damien is saying higher or either that or he's showing that he uses his thumb on himself. 10%? 20%? It can't be that high. I'm going 20. 20? 2 out of 10 guys put a finger in the ass when they beat off?

56:27 Caller One of the 5? Yeah.

56:28 Caller I'd say every guy has done it once.

56:30 Adam That... See, that seems a little... Now, Anne, I'm with you on the have tried it before. But every time you masturbate, you put a finger up there.

56:41 Caller Sometimes you use porn, sometimes you use...

56:42 Adam Yeah. You got a good point. Yeah. Who are you? You got a VCR remote in one hand, you got your schvanz in the other. You're not that Indian god with all the arms. I mean, you just...

56:55 Caller Well, is it comfortable to have your finger up there? I mean, the reach around?

56:59 Adam No.

57:00 Caller That's a little awkward.

57:01 Adam Yeah. It seems tough. And plus then, what do you got to do? Do it standing up?

57:05 Caller Yeah. What if you're laying down?

57:06 Adam You can't lay down. Oh, wait a minute.

57:11 Caller All right.

57:11 Adam I'm going to say I'm so I got to go down. I got to say it's about five percent.

57:16 Caller I'm going higher. Just the gay population alone.

57:19 Adam All right. The gay population. But this guy is straight. Anyway, the point is, is not that many people do it, but it's not unheard of and you're fine. But if you think it's a problem, why don't you just do it one at every 10 times you do it? You know, give yourself a real thrill. All right. Now let's get to Landon, who's been on hold second longest at 15. Landon?

57:43 Drew Oh, hey, Adam. What's up?

57:46 Adam What's your question?

57:47 Drew Okay. Well, my question is that I met this girl about two weeks ago and I got her phone number. And so I called her about three days later. We talked for about half an hour and I asked her out and then the phone call ended. But during that phone call and other phone calls, there were always these like awkward silences. The last one actually lasts about 30, 40 seconds. And I was just wondering what to do about these. Oh my god, what's so funny?

58:17 Adam You get those like long things where you go like, oh, I love those teenage conversations where you go like, you got Mr. Bernal for math? And they go, yeah.

58:28 Drew Something like that.

58:29 Adam And you go, he's pretty cool. And she goes, yeah, he's cool. One time, when I was taking a test in his class, he's cool. Is that what it sounds like, Landon?

58:50 Drew Yeah, something like that. Well, we talk, and then we don't talk, and I usually fill the thompses with, all right. But anyways, I was just wondering if I was being too uptight about them, or if there was anything I could do, like find more topics to talk about or something.

59:07 Adam Well, it sounds like she's not holding up the conversation, and she's probably watching TV or doing her nails or something.

59:15 Drew She's not doing anything. She's just pretty much there and just sitting there as well.

59:20 Adam You know what I like about Landon, too, is Landon's got that teenage thing where you can't figure out how to breathe and talk at the same time, like you don't work that cadence out. Landon's got that. So I called this girl and she doesn't, she answered and that was about three days ago. And then there was these long silences. So we just kept talking. But then she said she wasn't doing anything, but she was really just listening. So I asked her to talk. It's like, it's like he's smoking weed. Landon.

59:53 Drew Okay.

59:53 Caller Well, you're a little nervous, buddy.

59:55 Drew You're making fun of me there.

59:55 Adam All right, buddy.

59:57 Drew Yeah.

59:58 Adam Anyway, here's my point. All right. Here. Hold on, Landon.

1:00:01 Drew Okay. I'm fine.

1:00:01 Adam You what you need to do is do a little less talk. And I'm thinking of something that rhymes with talk is that I can't think of anything. But you need to see her in person.

1:00:12 Drew Yeah. Well, we have seen in person. I see her at school. I've met her and we talk at school, too.

1:00:18 Adam How about you ask her out on a date?

1:00:20 Drew I already have. We haven't planned the date yet. I call and we haven't been able to work our schedules out yet.

1:00:28 Adam That doesn't sound good. You're 15. What kind of schedule do you have?

1:00:34 Drew I don't know. She's usually very busy. Sometimes I'm out with other friends.

1:00:39 Adam Well, you'd work it out for her though, right?

1:00:42 Drew Yeah.

1:00:43 Adam But she's not working it out for you?

1:00:46 Drew Yeah. This weekend, she had to go to Tallahassee.

1:00:50 Adam Really?

1:00:51 Drew Yeah. She said visiting family.

1:00:54 Adam Driving a truck. Oh, visiting family. All right. Hey, producer Anne, why don't you weigh in here for a second? But tell me what you think of this. How old is she? 15, Landon?

1:01:05 Drew Yeah. Yeah. She's 15.

1:01:07 Adam He's got her number. They talk at school. He's been wanting to go on a date with her, but they haven't been able to work out the scheduling yet. To me, that's not a great sign. How about you? How about it? And you know what, Landon? Talk is bad. Women don't like talking. I know. I've talked myself out of many a pair of panties in my day. You need to call her up and you need to say, let's do something this weekend. And you need to be assertive. And if she says no or she gives you another excuse, then that's it. No more calling her back.

1:01:47 Drew All right.

1:01:48 Adam And then you move on to the next jump. All right, buddy.

1:01:52 Drew Yeah. And also I was just wondering, I've called Loveline before like two times. I was wondering if you remembered me at all. One time I called one of the two girls from Roswell. We're on the Syrian Mahanja.

1:02:03 Adam I remember you very well, Landon.

1:02:05 Drew Are you serious?

1:02:06 Adam Yeah.

1:02:07 Drew Just saying that.

1:02:07 Adam No, I know. I know your canes. You take that big gump of air.

1:02:12 Drew Oh, well, OK.

1:02:13 Adam Yeah. That's good. That's all right. That's your that's your mark. That's your signature.

1:02:18 Drew Yeah.

1:02:18 Adam All right. All right, buddy. Now, look, get confident and ask her out.

1:02:22 Drew Yeah. Well, I already have.

1:02:24 Adam That's enough. But stop talking so much. Jesus Christ, guys, I'm telling you over and over again, stop the talking. Just sit there and sound cool. Women will go ahead and slap all kinds of cool labels on you if you just look like you're thinking, but don't talk. If you call somebody on the phone and you talk and talk and talk to the point where there's long lulls, where there's no conversation, that means it's time to end the conversation. Bah bah bah bah bah. Because then you start talking faster and then you seem desperate and then the chicks get they get a little skittish. For some reason, women don't like guys who are big yappers. Later on in life, they're okay with it, but they're not okay with it at the high school level. Ask her out, and if she goes, great, and if she doesn't, leave her alone. Okay, I'm going for who's been on the air the second longest, and that would be James. James, you're 16. What's up?

1:03:24 Drew Yeah, well, I met this girl at the block about two weeks ago.

1:03:27 Adam At the what?

1:03:28 Drew The block, you know, the block of orange.

1:03:29 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:03:30 Drew Yeah, I met her about two weeks ago, and like, I was with my friend and my two other friends, and we were just walking around, and we saw them, and we told them, we started walking around with them, and then I was there to kiss this girl, right?

1:03:42 Adam Yeah.

1:03:42 Caller And like, I kind of liked her after a while, like after that.

1:03:46 Drew And then, like we, I talked to her like two days afterwards, and we talked on the phone for like three hours, and then next night we talked for like five hours, but then like after a while, like we would just be like saying, yeah, uh-huh. And like, we went out on Tuesday, New Year's Day, and like, we barely said anything. All we did was like, held hands and like, and stuff like that.

1:04:08 Adam Yeah.

1:04:08 Drew And like, I want to know if it's like, cause I'm 16 and she's only like 14, I want to know if that's okay.

1:04:16 Adam What do you want to do with her?

1:04:17 Drew Nothing. Oh, okay.

1:04:19 Adam Well, that's okay. Yeah. Well, you can do nothing with a three-year-old.

1:04:22 Drew Well, yeah. Yeah.

1:04:24 Adam All right. So she likes you. She has to like you. She wants to talk on the phone with you for five hours.

1:04:30 Drew Yeah.

1:04:31 Adam She says, Do you guys remember those conversations?

1:04:33 Drew No. All I remember is like the important stuff that she'll expect me to remember.

1:04:38 Adam I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to my older crew here. Okay. So James, she's too young to have sex with.

1:04:47 Drew Of course.

1:04:48 Adam But you can be a gentleman and probably take her out on some dates. Yeah.

1:04:53 Drew All right.

1:04:53 Adam If it's okay with her parents, is that what you're asking?

1:04:56 Drew No, just like what I'm because like when I call her, I don't have anything to talk about.

1:05:00 Caller And like, what do you talk?

1:05:02 Adam What do you talk about when you spoke for five goddamn hours?

1:05:05 Caller Well, it's kind of like because her two friends were at her house, too.

1:05:07 Drew It's like we hardly talked. I was just like listening.

1:05:10 Adam Okay. Well, look, it's funny. We got a little theme going tonight, but you don't have you can talk for 10 minutes or you can talk for 10 hours. You talk until you get to the end. And then you say, I look forward to seeing you on Friday or on Saturday or next weekend or whenever you're going to see him next and you hang up the phone. You don't have to keep them engaged on the phone. I used to remember having these conversations. You talk to someone you like for like 14 hours on the phone whenever you're in love. That's the thing. And then you get a little older and you get hooked up with somebody, you get married to somebody, you see him every day and you can't get off the phone fast enough. It's always like, yeah, where are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, where are you? Where are you? Where? At home? Okay. Where? Work? Okay. Okay. I hear Drew talk to his wife. He's getting off the phone before he picks up. It's crazy. It's like, hello? Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. All righty then. She's like, hi, how are you doing, Drew? I'm doing good. All right then. What about the kids? Okay. Well, look, you know what you get into when you've been with someone for a long time? I'll we'll talk when I see you. I'll be back. You want me to pick up something? You want to pick up something for dinner? I'll swing by the colony kitchen, pick up like a pot roast or something. All right. Then we'll talk then. Okay. All right. See you in hell. Okay. Bye bye.

1:06:41 Caller I love you too, man.

1:06:42 Adam What happened to those marathon conversations? Even getting to this, then you get into this stuff. What are you watching? I don't know. The sound's down. Well, what channel is it on? I'll put it on too. Well, I don't know. I think we got different cable stations. What's MTV where you are? It's 27. Oh, because ours is something like in the 70s. Oh, well, hold on. Let me try to find it. What's on right now? Is it a Clear Cell commercial? Yeah. OK, cool. I'll turn the sound down. Who is that? Is that Carson? Yeah. He's cool. You start talking about stuff that you're watching. Yeah. You're getting to this stuff, like, then someone comes in the room. Yeah, OK. Who is that? That's my dad.

1:07:51 Caller Oh.

1:07:52 Adam What did he want? He just said he's going to bed.

1:07:56 Oh.

1:07:58 Adam Is he cool? Yeah. What do you think he's watching? I don't know. Cool. He was like, is there some kind of marathon to see who doesn't hang up first? I'm telling you, when I gave my phone, oh, I know I've told this story before, but it's a tell old stories night because Drew's out of town. When I have my Catholic little brother about 10 years ago, and he hooked up with some chick who lived in Kentucky, met her on the Internet, and they had those teenage phone calls. What are you thinking about? Just thinking about what you're thinking about? What are you thinking about? Well, I asked what you were thinking about, so obviously I was thinking about what you were thinking about. Oh, me too.

1:08:51 Yeah.

1:08:54 Adam I hate history. Yeah, sucks.

1:08:58 Caller Yeah.

1:08:59 Adam He was having these kind of conversations, except for it was in Kentucky. He was calling from LA and he had my calling card. So I got my phone shut off. I gave this kid my calling card because his mom said no more four-hour conversations at Kentucky. So my Catholic little brother was going to the payphone and putting in like $9 worth of nickels and calling Kentucky. Now he's standing out on La Cienega Boulevard, going, what time is it there? Oh yeah, two hours or three? Oh, cool. Do you hate math? Me too. What are you watching? So I gave the kid my calling card and I say to him, Nate, I will know. I will get the bill. If you talk on the phone with her 100 minutes, I will get a bill for 100 minutes. And if you do it for 1000 minutes, I will get it for 1000 minutes. Whatever you do, I will get it. I will get it broken down on this bill. And you're paying for it. He had a job at the cafeteria. I didn't have any money at the time. So I said, look, talk to her for two minutes. Talk to her for five minutes every day. But then hang up. Use it responsibly. You can use my calling card for the rest of your life. But screw up. And I'm going to take it away. If I get a bill for 500 bucks, I'm taking this calling card. And believe me, I will know at the end of the month. He said, fine. I said, just don't, just be mellow. I said, I understand. Three weeks later, I got my phone shut off. They shut it off. I didn't even get a letter because he'd ran up such a high bill in like a 10 day period. He ran up like 400 bucks in 10 days. And it wasn't even enough time for them to send me the bill. They just, they literally shut my phone off. I didn't even know that they could do that. They shut the phone off and I had to borrow 400 bucks and go down. They're and pay it in person. That is what a teenager is capable of, ladies and gentlemen. Okay, when we come back, who has been hold the fifth longest? Dad threatens to beat him. All right, that sounds good. We'll talk to Steve after this. Hey, y'all. It's the Loveline. I'm Adam. Dr. Drew will be in here tomorrow night. There's a little confusion tonight. When he comes in, we'll get all reacquainted with Drew and he'll tell us all about his trip to Panama and South America and Central America, and Cuba and all. He took some crazy crews that went through everywhere. So we'll talk all about that with him tomorrow night. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:12:23 Caller Eating someone's ass.

1:12:25 Adam Ooh, it's Drew talking dirty. We're just reminiscing about all those crazy marathon conversations we used to have in junior high, high school. Even out of high school, 18, 19, 20, you meet somebody, you're really into them. You're into that phase. Those long, long conversations come in the phase, not right at the very beginning when you don't know them that good. And not in the middle or end when you know them too well. Just that I know you well enough so we can talk on the phone for five hours. But not so well that we've run out of stuff to say. Engineer Anderson said he actually used to put the phone down on his nightstand and go to bed. And his girl would put the phone down on her nightstand and go to bed. And that way, technically, no one hung up on each other. She's probably still laying there, Anderson, waiting for you to reply. Anderson, okay, I'm gonna hang up in eight more years. And they would wake up and he would wake her up by yelling into his phone, which was on her nightstand. I mean, his phone, which is on his nightstand and hers, which is sitting open. Can you really, can you keep a phone off the hook? Can you keep a line going that long without somebody intervening and just hanging up?

1:13:50 Caller It was local.

1:13:51 Adam Local. What about your parents?

1:13:53 Caller No calls in the middle of the night.

1:13:54 Caller We woke up for school so early.

1:13:56 Adam So you talk into the wee hours of the night and then say, okay, we're going to bed. And then put the phone down and go to bed. She said she could hear you snoring.

1:14:08 Caller I didn't even like her.

1:14:09 Caller That's the sad part.

1:14:10 Caller I just felt bad.

1:14:11 Adam Imagine how long you would have stayed on the phone with her if you liked her. It's crazy. Your ear would start hurting. So you'd switch the phone to the other ear. And then you'd try to fluff up that ear like a pillow because it had been pushed down. You'd get cauliflower ear from talking on the phone too long. And you start going about that. This, by the way, the six hour phone conversation, this is where my second greatest invention, second only to the heated sofa and the jeans that have the panty lines sewn into them, which is the flush delay on the toilet. You do your business, you hit the flusher, and ten seconds later it goes off. Nothing worse than them hearing that toilet flush in the background when you're in the middle of some intimate conversation. All right, we said we would speak to... What happened to the guy whose dad beat him? Wasn't that line one? Is he gone? All right, I'm going on... I'm just going in order of who's been on hold the longest. And Kevin, you're up. You're 16. What's that?

1:15:21 Caller Do you know... How much do you know about phone wiring?

1:15:24 Adam Not all that much, but it's safe.

1:15:27 Caller Well, dog chewed through the cord. I went and I tried to repair it myself. It works now. I just wanted to know how long that will last or if I should repair or replace the cord.

1:15:39 Adam Well, here's the deal. Phone wires are very low voltage, but they're very fine wires and there's a whole bunch of them and it's very tricky. And once they get screwed up, you get a bad connection. And they actually make connectors for phone wires. They're these little button-sized things. You put them over it and you crimp it with a pair of pliers and it works okay, but I would replace that phone line.

1:16:04 Caller I didn't have any special tools. I used a kitchen knife and scotch tape.

1:16:07 Adam Well, it's never going to be right again, so get a new one, all right?

1:16:10 Caller All right.

1:16:11 Adam All right there, Kevin. I had a nice Homer Simpson-type moment today. I was doing a little, had the router out, was underneath a kitchen cabinet, had it plunged into the bottom of it, was routing around and hit some wiring that was in there for the under cabinet lights and had a huge spark go up, little flame shoot out and the breaker kick. Thank you. That was just today. Who's been on hold the second longest? That would be Aaron, who's 22. Aaron?

1:16:43 Caller Yeah.

1:16:43 Adam What's up?

1:16:44 Caller All right, Adam. I want your opinion on a little situation I have.

1:16:48 Adam All right.

1:16:50 Caller All right. There's this girl and I can say I'm in love with her. You know, I mean, I would do anything for this girl.

1:16:58 Adam Well, do you talk on the phone with her for 11 hours?

1:17:03 Caller Yeah, there's been times like that. Actually, one night after we got into this fight, I walked across my lawn in my underwear to the store talking to Payphone because I hadn't had my phone line connected. Yeah, I just moved into this house.

1:17:19 Adam And you sat on the Payphone for an hour?

1:17:22 Caller Yeah, in my underwear, though, and it's December, so it's cold.

1:17:28 Adam Wow, with the F-word, Jesus Christ. Aaron, you can't use the F-word on the air. He said it was f-ing cold. That's the other thing that pisses me off when people are conducting business on the... Well, you never use them anymore, but on the Payphone, the guy's been on there for like a half-hour with his old lady, and you're standing around because you're trying to call the Auto Club. What the hell is that? What is it with people that are on a... Payphone's like an emergency thing. The other thing I can't figure out is, I've seen a zillion, one-eight hundred collect commercials. I've done a zillion, one-eight hundred collect commercials and still can't figure out who's making the collect calls. Who's making them? I mean, I did the goddamn commercials, I don't know what's going on. I made a collect call when I was 13 at the movie theater for my mom to pick me up in 1945. Like, how many collect calls have you made in the last five years? Have you made one? Even if you made three in the last ten years. I mean, think about it. You turn the TV on, you will see Carrot Top, or you'll see Jeremy McGrath. We'll probably be in on this show sometime in the next few months, because a few weeks, because the Supercross is coming to town. Or you see Ava Save-A-Lot, who is, what's her name, from Lissa Milano. You see one of these commercials every single time you turn the TV on to Call Collect, and who is calling Collect? And I know they're saying, well, students call Collect, but wouldn't you just want your kid calling you and then you pay his bill like if your kid is off at college? Isn't it cheaper just to pick up the phone and call home the regular way? Who's doing all the collect calling? This is what I want an answer to. And when someone can give me an answer to why is this collect calling business a $200 billion a year business? I mean, obviously, this has to be a huge business. Otherwise, it would not see millions of commercials for it. And number two, and when that question is answered, then someone must answer me this question. What about those phone numbers that you call in to get a wake up call? You see them advertise late night TV. Bob Jenkins missed his promotion today because he overslept. Call 1-900-WAKE-UP and we'll call you and wake you up. $2 a call. Is there is anyone ever calling up? I mean, and you call the wake up. How does that work? Where are you? Are you camping? Where could you be that you don't have an alarm or when you're in a hotel, you get a wake up call?

1:20:25 Caller I've done it at home when I have to have to have to wake up and I'm afraid my alarm is not going to go off.

1:20:30 Adam Oh really?

1:20:31 Caller Yeah, absolutely.

1:20:32 Adam So you're that you're that deep a sleeper that you're scared to go to?

1:20:36 Caller I work Loveline late and yeah, there are times when you're scared. I'm really, I'm afraid something's going to happen, my alarm is not going to go off and I need that phone to ring next to my head.

1:20:45 Adam So you have called those wake up numbers.

1:20:47 Caller Absolutely.

1:20:48 Adam But don't you think that most people and there are a lot of people who have this problem, they're heavy sleepers and they know they have a tendency to reach over and smack the alarm. These people usually have made modifications in their life. I mean they have two alarms, they have a system worked out because they know they've missed too many things and they do this. But you have known of those systems in place and you have called. How many times have you called? I've never met a person who's done this.

1:21:18 Caller Really?

1:21:20 Adam Wow. I haven't done it.

1:21:21 Caller And this is before I had kids.

1:21:23 Adam I've not quizzed everyone I know, but every time I bring this up, everyone just looks at me and says, I don't know. Why would you call this number?

1:21:29 Caller I've probably done it about a dozen times in the past, mm, eight years. So it's not a regular number.

1:21:36 Adam How much is it?

1:21:37 Caller I think, like you said, about two bucks.

1:21:39 Adam And when you call, who do you get? You get a recording?

1:21:42 Caller Yeah, you get a recording and you just dial like AM, PM And you dial your number in? And the number, uh-huh.

1:21:49 Adam And it rings right at that time? Wow. All right. And you're, thank you for answering that.

1:21:56 Caller But there's got to be somebody else out there. They can't be, you know.

1:21:58 Adam But I just mean, if you're traveling, you're at a hotel, and you get a wake-up call, and when you're at home, you're at home. I mean, it seems like you'd have that worked out at your home, wouldn't you? I mean, you have to wake up every day. But you're saying twice a year you go fishing, and you get up at 430 in the morning. All right. All right. I'll buy that. All right. Here's one more. I need one more question answered. I don't know why, but like I said, Drew's not here tonight, so we can just talk about whatever. The turndown service in a hotel. When they turn down the bed, you stay at a hotel and some maid will come by or they'll call you. Be like 830 at night. Mr. Corolla. Yeah. Would you like the bed turned down? Turned down? Yeah. How's that work? Woman comes up and pulls part of the sheet back. What part? The top. I'm sitting on the bed. Yeah. She'll go ahead and just take the comforter and fold it back just a little bit. So I could get into the bed. Yeah. And you know, I got use of my arms. Yeah. We can just turn that down for you. You want to turn that down?

1:23:15 Caller Whoo.

1:23:17 Adam I got to know. I want to meet the guy who goes, Yeah. Yeah. Come on by. Because I'm not going to make it under that sheet without a gal coming by and pulling that, go ahead and pull the corner off.

1:23:30 Caller But you get chocolate too.

1:23:32 Adam You get a little square. You get that little square of chocolate, which they'll put on your pillow. But do you think, I mean, the turndown, the turndown service sounds, it's absolutely bizarre. I don't know where it emanates from. It must have been started somewhere. It's something you could definitely do without. And like I said, the last time I was at a hotel, they called and want to know if they should come by. And if they don't call and you're not there, they will just turn it down. They will come into your room. They will take... It's not the whole bed. They just take the corner. They pull it out just a little bit, turn it just a little bit. They just dog ear the corner a little bit.

1:24:13 Caller Don't they usually take the bedspread off, though?

1:24:15 Adam No. No? Not that I'm aware of. All right. And you do get that little mint chocolate thing, so I guess there is something in it for you. But for the price of some guys making eight bucks an hour wandering around your room while you're out on the town, it's probably not worth it. Not that they're gonna steal anything, but you know that feeling of someone just walking around the room kind of thing.

1:24:41 Caller All right.

1:24:42 Adam So the turndown service, the who's making all the collect calls, and the wake up call, which we found out producer Ann does use. We'll look into more mysteries after this.

1:24:58 Caller Hello, this is your radio. Loveline will be right back.

1:25:25 Adam Drew's not here tonight, so we've taken a turn for the eclectic on the show. I'm talking about what I want to talk about and sometimes what you want to talk about, and I'm going to see if I can power through and take some calls. Line 6 is Jason, who's 22. Did you settle the thing where a guy crashed into you?

1:25:46 Drew Yeah, where you were complaining about the court system when they...

1:25:50 Adam Oh, yeah. Don't get me launched on that. I'll do the first hour of the next show for that. Yes, here's what happened. My car was totaled some years ago, and I never did really get the money out of the guy because of the horde-horde court system, which, in a nutshell, if you got a parking ticket from 1952 that you got when you were on vacation in Canada, they will track you down, and they will tell you exactly how much you owe, including penalties and interest. And when you go to renew your driver's license, they will tell you to pay that. Otherwise, you will not be able to renew your license. But if somebody owes you money, there's not a goddamn thing they can do. Nope, can't find him. Don't know where he is. Don't bother us. So, yeah, a guy told him my car, and I never did get the money. But thank you, Jason. Thanks for pulling the scab off that wound, by the way.

1:26:51 Drew I'm sorry. You got to, seriously, all kidding aside, maybe dedicate like 10, 15 minutes of each show to, I just ran about certain topics. That's my favorite part of the show.

1:27:02 Adam Well, yeah, thank you. But I, my problem is, is I end up dedicating an hour and a half of each show to that. All right, Jason, I appreciate it. All right, we're going to keep moving here and talk to Steve, who's 19. Steve?

1:27:17 Caller Hey, what's up?

1:27:18 Adam Is it wrong to ask out a girl you taught tennis to?

1:27:21 Caller Well, here's the thing. She's like, she's still in high school and I'm out in college and I'm coaching her. Well, I did coach the season's over now, like her high school tennis team. And she and I, like, we kind of hit it off.

1:27:36 Adam You weren't a teacher?

1:27:37 Caller No, I'm not a teacher, but I'm like a coach.

1:27:41 Adam Right. Are you coach at the school or are you just working with the school, like subcontracted?

1:27:47 Caller Yeah, I'm subcontracted. I'm paid, but I'm like not, you know, in faculty.

1:27:51 Adam How hot, by the way, is the tennis skirt? Is there anything hotter on a young chick than those little socks with the little balls on the bottom of them?

1:28:00 Caller The tennis skirt, maybe.

1:28:01 Adam The tennis skirt, which is intentionally made to be so high that the bottom of the panties hang out.

1:28:07 Caller And whenever they return serve, I don't want to sound like a perv, but I mean, they just sit there and they're crouched and they're bent and swerving and it's like a lap dance.

1:28:15 Adam Here's the deal. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. But why not just playing your underpants? If you're going to wear a skirt that's hiked up so high that your underpants hang out.

1:28:26 Caller They actually make specially designed panties like you're supposed to look at them. Apparently they're designed like, you know, with smiley faces or whatever.

1:28:33 Adam I know the chicks panties hang out of the bottom of the skirt. They don't make a tennis skirt that goes down low enough so that the panties don't hang out.

1:28:41 Caller If you ever call them tennis panties, they'll go, no, no, no, those are pantaloons.

1:28:45 Adam Oh, yeah, because they don't want to sexualize it.

1:28:47 Caller An apple and orange doesn't make it an apple.

1:28:49 Adam Right.

1:28:50 Caller That's why it's a tennis nomo.

1:28:51 Adam All right. Well, listen, I love that look. And look, if she's 17, you're 19, you're in town or you go away to college?

1:29:01 Caller I go away to college, but she's going to the same one next year.

1:29:04 Adam All right. Well, hit her up. No, you can't have sex until she's 18, though.

1:29:08 Caller Also, just if I could add something really quick. Like, I think when you say Drew is a board-certified addiction medicine specialist, you should say, I am an apprentice carpenter, blah, blah, blah, you know, and then you can both answer questions about home improvement or medical.

1:29:24 Adam I should give my credentials? Yeah. Okay.

1:29:27 Caller Thanks.

1:29:27 Adam But not apprentice carpenter, it's journeyman. Oh, good job. Thanks. All right. Let's keep it moving here and speak to John, who's on line three. John, you want to know what kind of carb to put on your 65 Nova?

1:29:44 Caller Yeah, I just rebuilt the motor.

1:29:45 Adam What's it got a three, great motor. It's got a 350 in it.

1:29:48 Caller Yeah, it's the Chevy ZZ4 crate motor setup.

1:29:52 Adam What's the compression?

1:29:53 Drew I'm looking probably eight and a half, nine to one.

1:29:57 Adam Wait a minute, eight and a half, nine is a little bit low.

1:30:00 Caller Well, you know, supercharger, maybe.

1:30:02 Adam Oh, okay. All right. Well, if you're going naturally aspirated, I would go with a higher compression. But if you're going to supercharge it, then it's okay to have a little lower compression. All right. I know that you want to go with like a 750 Holley double pumper.

1:30:20 Caller Gas, man, gas.

1:30:21 Caller I've also got a Carter and I got a Holley.

1:30:24 Thank God for Dr. Drew.

1:30:25 Adam Well, hold on a second. You got a 65 Nova with a 350 small block in it with 9 to 1 compression that you're thinking about putting a blower on and you're worried about gas mileage?

1:30:37 Caller Well, it all depends, man. It all depends.

1:30:39 Caller Money is an issue here.

1:30:41 Adam Okay. But is this your everyday car?

1:30:43 Caller Yeah, for now.

1:30:44 Adam All right. Listen, I just put a 650 Holley on it.

1:30:49 Caller Oh, man.

1:30:50 Drew Come on.

1:30:50 Adam What do you want?

1:30:52 Caller I want the best of both worlds.

1:30:53 Drew I want the fast car that still gets good gas mileage, but I don't see it.

1:30:56 Caller Yeah.

1:30:58 Adam Okay. Well, look, if you just put a 750 Holley double pumper on it, don't drive it too hard.

1:31:03 Caller Yeah.

1:31:04 Adam Jesus Christ. Gas is cheap now, isn't it? You don't have to worry about gas, do you? It's like a buck a gallon.

1:31:12 Caller Yeah.

1:31:12 Adam It's fine. I mean, listen, seriously, gas, I know it's like Grandpa Adam tonight, but gas was a buck a gallon when the minimum wage was two bucks, and now the minimum wage is 650, and gas is still a buck a gallon. So do the math. It's even if you're not rich, gas shouldn't be costing you that much. I mean, it shouldn't be a huge concern, especially when you want to power. All right. Let's talk to Aaron. Aaron 22?

1:31:46 Caller Yeah.

1:31:47 Adam You want to repair a relationship?

1:31:49 Caller Yeah.

1:31:50 Adam Jealousy got in the way. Oh, you cussed on the air. No more cussing.

1:31:55 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:31:56 Adam Okay. You're one of those jealous guys.

1:31:58 Caller No. I don't know if I'd call it jealousy or if I was selfish. I think I was more selfish. Like, she came over and she was saying something. She had to go home. Her dad wanted her to...

1:32:14 Caller Hey, Aaron. Come here and give me a hug.

1:32:18 Adam Here's our prom. I got about 15 seconds here. So here's the advice I'm going to give you.

1:32:23 Caller Okay.

1:32:24 Adam You got to do two things. The first one's easy. Second one's tough. First one, apologize for whatever it is you did and swear you won't do it again. The second part is don't do it again. That's the tough part. That's the bitch. And those are the only two things, guys. When you want to try to repair some damage or make up, sincerely apologize at least enough so they believe you. And then the problem is, is you can't do it again for at least six months. There you go. It's just like when your boss catches you stealing something or showing up later, taking a leak in the freezer like I did when I worked at the McDonald's. Apologize and then you can't do it again for like six months. All right, we'll be back.

1:33:06 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me.

1:33:08 Caller So what's up?

1:33:09 Caller So I was like you and I used to think that these datelines were totally cheesy.

1:33:12 Caller Why can't I meet anybody?

1:33:13 Caller But I tried everything else and thought what the hell?

1:33:15 Caller So I called the dateline and actually met a cool guy.

1:33:17 Caller I called the dateline and I hooked up with some cool people.

1:33:19 Caller Believe it or not, other normal people are out there looking too.

1:33:22 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:25 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll be right back.

1:33:56 Adam Alrighty, well, there it is. Made it through a show with out Dr. Drew. He will definitely be in here tomorrow night. I'm going to thank you guys for hanging in and bearing with me tonight. Listen to all my kooky stories. I want to thank the Loveline staff for hanging out and contributing and getting involved in making what could have been a strenuous night, easy and carefree. All right. So thanks a lot. And until next time, this Adam Corolla for Adam Corolla saying mahalo. How tall are you?

1:34:30 Drew I'm like 5 12. Almost 6.

1:34:36 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, January 6, 2002