Episode 1000754886912

1:15 Drew Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Dr. Drew. That's Adam Corolla with a broken mic. Tonight, our guest on Loveline, Matthew Lillard. No, Matthew, take your mic. I'm trying to get my mic over to Adam. Glorious evening.

1:26 Mathew Lillard He's the star of the show.

1:27 Drew Yes, Adam Corolla has a busted mic and I am in my glory.

1:31 Oh, hey.

1:34 Adam Yeah, the worm has turned. He's back with a hot mic. Drew and I just had a little scream off during the 10 seconds before the show started. Matthew Lillard is here. He's talking about Summer Catch, which is coming out. It came out. It came out. Oh, August, open August 24th, which was last Friday, Freddie Prince Jr., who by all accounts is a super nice guy. Is that true?

1:58 Mathew Lillard Super nice.

1:59 Adam Yeah.

2:00 Mathew Lillard Super nice.

2:01 Adam I hate it when good-looking guys aren't either gay or mean or both. You're just praying when really good-looking guys are just sort of prissy or just mean as hell.

2:11 Mathew Lillard Bad at sports.

2:12 Drew You want to hate them.

2:14 Adam Uncoordinated or mean or gay are all three.

2:17 Mathew Lillard God only gives so many gifts and he actually got them all.

2:20 Adam Yeah.

2:21 Mathew Lillard Bastard.

2:21 Adam I would... This is a baseball movie and I would love to do a baseball movie because there's just nothing better than throwing a baseball.

2:30 Drew You were at Dodger Stadium, right? Didn't I say that? Yeah. Matthew and I got to play in Dodger Stadium.

2:34 Adam Yeah.

2:34 Mathew Lillard Did you play? I didn't play.

2:35 Drew I did. I got one at bat.

2:37 Mathew Lillard You're more famous than I am.

2:38 Drew No, no.

2:39 Adam What did you do? Whiff?

2:40 Drew No, I hit right to Mindy Burrano. It's a girl.

2:46 Adam Tell me, a chick got you out?

2:47 Drew Hey, she is an awesome.

2:48 Mathew Lillard Oh, man. All right.

2:50 Adam She got him out.

2:51 Mathew Lillard She has heat. I'm telling you right now. She's got skills.

2:53 Drew I told you.

2:54 Mathew Lillard She's good. All right.

2:55 Adam We were also talking to Matthew about Scooby-Doo, which is... When's Scooby-Doo coming out?

3:01 Mathew Lillard Next June.

3:02 Adam And...

3:03 Mathew Lillard Big Warner Brothers movie.

3:04 Adam You filmed that... Do you say Australia?

3:06 Mathew Lillard Yeah, six months. Why? The dollar. That's the dollar.

3:10 Drew It goes further.

3:11 Mathew Lillard Yeah, 50 cents on the dollar. And then Warner Brothers has a huge studio down there. So...

3:15 Drew Really?

3:16 Mathew Lillard Yeah, they do a lot of work down there. You'd be surprised. Matrix shot down there.

3:19 Drew Where?

3:20 Mathew Lillard The Gold Coast. How bad is this suck? Surfers Paradise, the Gold Coast.

3:25 Adam And do you surf?

3:26 Mathew Lillard No.

3:27 Adam You look like you should surf.

3:29 Mathew Lillard You know, I grew up in Orange County. So...

3:31 Drew If he actually were a surfer, he wouldn't be moving along as nicely as he is.

3:35 Adam That's right.

3:35 Drew He'd still be surfing.

3:36 Mathew Lillard Dude, I love surfing, bruh.

3:41 Adam Give us a little shot of the shaggy voice. You ready?

3:44 Mathew Lillard I should have worn... I knew this was coming. I should have warmed up. Zoinks.

3:50 Like Scoob.

3:53 Mathew Lillard That's all I can do. I'm a crack dealer. The first one's free, and then all the kids at home will...

4:00 Adam We had J.

4:00 Drew Moore last night doing... Christopher Walken.

4:04 Adam Right.

4:04 Mathew Lillard He's funny.

4:06 Drew He's good.

4:07 Adam Not as good... Oh, there's my mic back. Not as good as Matthew doing a shaggy.

4:12 Drew That J.

4:13 Mathew Lillard Moore, he spazzed that kid.

4:14 Adam Oh, yeah. He's got a good mind. Well, you got to give a little shot of Christopher Walken.

4:19 And put this watch in your ass. Your father knew that was the only place the gooks would never check, dysentery, diarrhea, nothing could deter your father to rip this watch from his ass. I give this watch to you.

4:35 Mathew Lillard He's good.

4:35 Adam Matthew, do a little shaggy.

4:37 Mathew Lillard Now I feel like I'm good. Now I got to bring it.

4:39 Drew It's a shag off.

4:40 Adam Do the watch soliloquy as shaggy.

4:44 Mathew Lillard Like man. I can't do it. I can't do it that long, no way. I can't do it.

4:50 Adam Write it out for him. So now who played everyone else in this movie?

4:55 Mathew Lillard Freddie Prinze Jr. played.

4:57 Adam No, no, Freddie Prinze.

4:57 Mathew Lillard Fred Jones.

4:58 Adam Wait a minute. Freddie Prinze Jr. was in Summer Catch.

5:01 Drew Yeah.

5:01 Adam But I'm back on, I'm still on Scooby Doo.

5:04 Mathew Lillard We're the Cory and Cory of the new millennium.

5:07 Adam Who were the other?

5:09 Drew Freddie Prinze Jr. Did he make his hair blonde or something? Yeah.

5:12 Adam Oh, he was.

5:13 Mathew Lillard He's in it again, I'm telling you right now. When we do everything together.

5:17 Adam I got to befriend somebody with talent. That's what I got to do.

5:20 Mathew Lillard And power.

5:22 Adam So he's the blonde, he's Freddie.

5:24 Mathew Lillard And Sarah Michelle Geller plays Daphne.

5:27 Adam And then there's Thelma.

5:28 Mathew Lillard Yeah, and Velma. Velma. Linda Cardellini. And she is awesome. Linda Cardellini was on Freaks and Geeks. She's done a bunch of independent films. This is her first big feature.

5:41 Adam Who plays the dog?

5:43 Mathew Lillard It's CGI, like the Raptors.

5:46 Adam Right.

5:47 Mathew Lillard Or like Stuart Little and Stuart Little.

5:49 Adam Right. Do you guys do a lot of peeling out when you're running?

5:52 Mathew Lillard Yeah, there's a lot of that. There's all the shenanigans that are incorporated in the cartoon we bring to real life.

5:57 Drew The running?

5:59 Adam There you go. You know, the thing about-

6:01 Mathew Lillard How many likes do you think I can throw in in an hour show?

6:04 Adam You've gotten 14 in already. We're only five minutes into the show, so that's about 125 an hour. You know, the thing about Shaggy is he was really a stoner.

6:14 Drew Oh yeah.

6:14 Adam Just minus the weed. He was hungry all the time, scared assless, and basically brain dead.

6:22 Mathew Lillard The Scooby Snacks.

6:23 Adam Yeah. Which were- Well, Scooby- I don't know what the Scooby-

6:25 Mathew Lillard He talked to a dog that talked back. That's weird, bro.

6:29 Adam He'd eat those burgers. He'd eat like a stack of burgers.

6:32 Mathew Lillard You know what? Shaggy?

6:33 Vegetarian.

6:35 Mathew Lillard Bet you didn't know that.

6:36 Drew No.

6:37 Adam Vegetarian.

6:38 Mathew Lillard Oh yes he is.

6:38 Drew In the cartoon, really?

6:39 Mathew Lillard Shaggy Rogers. Veggie.

6:40 Drew He eats a lot of pizza.

6:42 Mathew Lillard You know what his first name is? Norval.

6:45 Adam Really?

6:46 Mathew Lillard Norval Shaggy Rogers.

6:48 Lies!

6:50 Mathew Lillard Word.

6:51 Adam Well anyway, let's not focus too much on Scooby-Doo and talk more about Summer Catch, which is out in theaters everywhere. And tell us the story of this. Freddie Prinze is a pitcher, right?

7:04 Mathew Lillard He's a pitcher in the Cape Cod Baseball Summer League, which is an actual league that exists in Cape Cod, Massachusetts.

7:11 Drew Is it a farm team for somebody?

7:13 Mathew Lillard Yeah, it's basically a collegiate all-star league during the summer. And these kids from all over the United States go to the Cape Cod League. And the people of Cape Cod open their houses, and these kids stay with the families of the area. And they play baseball in front of pro scouts all summer. It's the first time that collegiate all-stars get a chance to swing wood bats in front of pro scouts.

7:32 Adam And they give them wood bats because that's what they're going to play with in pros.

7:36 Mathew Lillard And you're going to play with the sticks.

7:37 Adam And eventually, I think they're going to switch those collegiate bats to wood bats because they kill pitchers with those goddamn aluminum bats. They have these $400 magnesium bats. And when they hit one, you know, a guy serves up a 95 mile an hour fastball, and some kid who's hopped up on Royd's smacks, Fedra creatine smacks a liner back at the pitcher, it'll kill him.

8:01 Lines!

8:02 Adam Yeah, they go right off their head.

8:03 Mathew Lillard That's not me, by the way.

8:05 Adam That isn't?

8:05 Mathew Lillard That's not, no, well, that is me, but...

8:07 Adam That is you.

8:07 Mathew Lillard They keep doing it.

8:08 Drew Lines!

8:09 Yo, it's not you lying.

8:10 I went home to go, I have like, Tourette.

8:12 Drew There's tons of stuff that is not me that gets repeated on this show. Right.

8:16 Adam Go ahead, Anderson.

8:17 Drew You're gay. There you go. There's others.

8:19 Mathew Lillard Just called Che, gay.

8:21 Adam Now, what position do you play?

8:23 Mathew Lillard Catcher.

8:24 Adam Oh, that's a bummer. Were you down there squatting down there the whole time?

8:28 Mathew Lillard It was the best job in the world. We played, you know, we played baseball all summer, and the days we weren't playing baseball, we were acting, and then the days we weren't working at all, golfing right on the coast down in North Carolina was perfect.

8:42 Adam Did you play baseball in like high school or whatever?

8:44 Mathew Lillard No, I never played baseball, played soccer, played football, never baseball.

8:48 Adam So did you have to go to like camp? I mean, you know, have a guy work with you and all that stuff?

8:52 Mathew Lillard Movies are so fond of this thing. You know, if you're doing a war movie, you go to war camp. If you're doing a sports movie, you go to the sports camp to teach you how to look not like an actor, but like it.

9:04 Adam But I'm totally fine with the sports aspect of it, the sports camp, because if you grow up kicking a ball and now somebody tells you to throw a ball, you're not going to look like a collegian athlete throwing the ball until somebody shows you how to throw a ball. But all this stuff where like me and Tom Hanks bivouacked for three weeks before the thing, I just say, look, fellas, it's called acting. When a guy in a crowd outfit is chasing me with a bayonet, don't worry, it's going to look good. We don't have to sleep on the ground for a week in order to sell that. They always do that. Yeah, I don't understand that part of it. Why do we have to bond? Do you know what I'm saying? But I do appreciate the method. I do appreciate the thing where if you're going to be a boxer or a baseball player, you obviously have to...

9:52 Mathew Lillard Yeah, you don't want to throw it off the wrong foot.

9:53 Adam You have to look like it.

9:54 Mathew Lillard Yeah. All right. Listen, I liked it all right. Here we go.

9:59 Adam Were your knees going nuts down in that squat the whole time?

10:01 Mathew Lillard Not that bad. I'll have to tell you about my scrotum injury later.

10:04 Drew Oh, God.

10:05 Mathew Lillard Oh, it's terrible.

10:06 Adam Somebody fouled one off the plate, got it under the cup?

10:09 Mathew Lillard No, I went sliding into home. Actually, USA Today called me and said that we want to do a feature on it.

10:14 Drew On the scrotum?

10:14 Mathew Lillard Yeah, and I said no.

10:16 Drew Did you get the whole swelling action and you felt the sound down a little bit?

10:20 Mathew Lillard I'll take two minutes. I took my cup out sliding into home because it's big. We were running around second to third. Inside the park, home run. Thank you very much. Go sliding into home. Movies are fantastic. Sliding into home and the first time I had my cup on, it killed me.

10:35 Adam Head first slide?

10:36 Mathew Lillard Head first slide. Bruised my pokes. I took that thing off.

10:38 Adam You're dragging on it.

10:39 Mathew Lillard Everyone was like, don't take it off. Don't take it off. I'm like, please. You play sports your whole life. When was the last time you damaged your scrotum?

10:46 Adam It's been a while.

10:47 Drew High school football.

10:48 Mathew Lillard High school football. So I took the cup out and I was sliding into home and enormous pain and was like, you know, carried through the night and woke up the next day and my sack, I had a black sack. I had half a black sack. My wife is terrified. You wake up, that thing's black. That's terrible.

11:09 Drew Was it big too? Swollen?

11:11 Mathew Lillard It's always big.

11:12 Drew No, I mean, bigger than you.

11:13 Mathew Lillard Oh, right. No, it wasn't that swollen.

11:17 Drew So just you tore a vein.

11:20 Mathew Lillard Oh, it's terrible. And then, and this is the best part, had to go to the local doctor, the clinic, and I check in and of course, you know, I'm the guy from Scream and you've got seven, you know, you got seven teenagers working in front of the desk.

11:35 Drew Right.

11:36 Adam And you got to get your sack out.

11:37 Mathew Lillard What's wrong with you? Well, I have a black sack. And that was just, that sent them into a tizzy.

11:43 Scrotum, scrotum, I like to keep a testy is in.

11:47 Adam Probably were.

11:48 Scrotum, scrotum.

11:57 Adam Everyone. That's probably were singing about scrotums, everybody. So what do they do?

12:06 Mathew Lillard So the doctor came in, here this woman comes in, and I'm sitting there. It's an embarrassing situation. Anytime you're sitting there with your junk out, it's not a pleasant situation.

12:15 Drew It doesn't bother us at all.

12:17 Adam Yeah, but it's weird, and it's always gonna be weird. And plus, you don't want to act like a prude, but you do, like when they leave the room sometimes, and your junk's still hanging out, you want to go like, can I put the junk back in, or do you need to take it with you?

12:30 Mathew Lillard I can't imagine being a woman.

12:31 Drew How do they treat it? Drain it or no?

12:33 Adam No, no, no.

12:34 Drew Just let it go. Ice and elevation and wear jock straps all the time.

12:37 Mathew Lillard Yeah, three people came in to check it out.

12:40 Drew You didn't get an ultrasound?

12:41 Mathew Lillard I didn't. Wow.

12:42 Adam Let me, I just came up with an invention.

12:44 Drew You should have had one.

12:46 Mathew Lillard Well, I'm getting scared.

12:46 Drew Don't look at me like that.

12:47 Adam No, he's fine. Drew, look at his nuts.

12:49 Drew I'm going to have to.

12:50 Adam Oh, Drew, you really sounded gay there with this. I'm going to have to.

12:53 You're so shaggy.

12:54 Adam You're so shaggy. Zolix?

12:56 Mathew Lillard Right on the break, man.

12:58 Show me the sack, Scroober. All right.

13:01 Adam Let's give Drew a little sack-y treat.

13:04 Drew Because you can get scarred.

13:05 Oh, he's fine.

13:06 Drew You should see a urologist.

13:07 Adam I will not let you examine.

13:09 Drew I won't examine, but I will tell you, you can have some injuries now.

13:12 Mathew Lillard I'm trying to have kids.

13:13 Drew Yeah, you need to just.

13:14 Mathew Lillard I gotta check the junk out.

13:15 Drew You should just have it checked out. All right.

13:17 Adam Let me say one thing before we go to calls regarding scrotum sacs. To me, it's feast or famine with this cup. For protection, you either have nothing or you have this like indestructible tupperware lid that's stuffed down your pants. It's hard to walk in.

13:31 Drew So we need some intermediate protection?

13:32 Adam And the problem is.

13:33 Drew Like a hard rubber?

13:34 Adam Yeah, a lot of guys pull these things out because just like you said, you do the slide and you almost break your pelvis bone with it. Here's my point. Shouldn't there, but you don't want to go without.

13:43 Drew Right.

13:44 Adam Shouldn't there be some sort of flexible, something that offers some protection, but it's not like someone built a fortress in your underpants?

13:51 Drew Yeah.

13:51 Adam It's something in between. No one has invented that. It's either cup or underpants, and I'd like something a little in between.

13:58 Drew We sort of need something akin to the face guard in football helmets. Different gradation, one with a little different kinds of protection.

14:05 Mathew Lillard How about taking a mold of the actual sack and designing something that can harden like a plaster.

14:11 Adam By the way, Hold on Anderson, start heating the wax. We're going to do that.

14:16 Drew I'm going to have to.

14:17 Adam Ian? Yes. You're 20.

14:21 Caller Yes.

14:21 Adam What's up?

14:23 Caller What's that?

14:24 Adam What do you want?

14:26 My question is, well, every time me and my girlfriend, when we have sex, and when I put the condom on, I lose my erection. I mean, I don't know if that's...

14:38 Adam How long have you been with her?

14:40 A year and a half.

14:41 Drew That's actually a common complaint though, right? That you've been using condoms the whole time?

14:45 Yes.

14:46 Drew And you've not been successful ever with them?

14:50 Sometimes, but maybe like 25% of the time.

14:56 Drew Are you on any medication?

14:58 No.

14:58 Drew And you have no medical problems?

15:00 Adam Nope. Well, my next invention is the rigid condom. I know it sounds like it's going against the cup idea, but this is where we need some rigidity.

15:08 Drew Yeah.

15:09 Adam Just a hard shell of a condom, you stuff whatever's left your penis into it, and the woman never knows the difference.

15:14 Drew Penis extender. It's nice. But listen, is it at the point at which you put the condom on, or is it as then you start having intercourse and then you lose it?

15:24 No, it's actually like right when I put the condom on.

15:27 Drew All right. So now Adam has a solution for this one. This is your drilling and your condom loader and all that stuff.

15:31 Adam Oh, right. Yeah, I'm going to skip that. You need to kill yourself, Ian. I'm just playing a hunch. I don't have time to get into this explanation. Come on. All right. Your penis does. You need to practice with this condom because you're. Here's what happens. You get very excited. If the moment is upon you and then all of a sudden you stop, you turn the light on, you fiddle around awkwardly with this condom. Then you start thinking too much. And meanwhile, your penis does not cooperate. Lies. You need to make this condom application fast, easy, and you need to rehearse. And I'm saying, listen, go get yourself a handful of condoms they keep in that big dish out, that big goldfish bowl out front of like, you know, the parenting place, playing parenthood, and start practicing. Beat off, get about halfway into it, and then sit up, rip off a condom, put it on, and finish beating off. I bet if you got your penis used to that, you'd be able to do it with a woman. You need to do it fast, too. You need to drill, is what I'm saying.

16:36 Drew And then finally, you are married, right?

16:38 No, no, I'm not married.

16:39 Drew Just girlfriend.

16:40 Adam Year and a half.

16:41 Drew Why did you consider other means of contraception?

16:44 As in?

16:45 Drew Birth control pill. God, I can't wait till the male pill comes out. It's coming out soon.

16:50 Adam Can't you get her on the pill?

16:52 She's, like, I don't know, we've talked about it, we've discussed it, but she's kind of freaky about it, because, like, you know, the whole, like, how everybody says...

17:01 Drew The weight.

17:02 Yeah, exactly.

17:03 Drew Well, there are different doses of different kinds of pills, and, listen, the weight gain issue should not be substantial. In fact, there are health benefits to being on birth control pill.

17:12 Adam I think it's more in the condom, though. Ian, your penis, does it not work correctly other than the condom application part?

17:19 No, it works fine.

17:20 Drew Are you into this relationship?

17:22 Mathew Lillard Oh, yeah.

17:23 Adam Okay, year and a half, still going for the condom. Yeah. Yeah, okay, it's time to move on. I mean, it's time to get her on the pill or figure something out or do my condom drill.

17:32 Mathew Lillard Haven't IUDs made a comeback now?

17:34 Drew They are making a condom. I have had...

17:36 Mathew Lillard I just heard this.

17:37 Drew Yeah, I've had such... I think it was during the Journal just put an article out on this. And I've had such awful experiences with IUDs that I'm not jumping on board with this one, with women that have not had pregnancy. Also, they are inducing abortions. I mean, that's what they do, basically. And there's all this controversy about using the morning after pill. Why IUDs suddenly are okay? I'm very, very confused about that.

17:58 Adam IUDs induce an abortion?

17:59 Drew IUDs prevent implantation. That's how they work.

18:01 Adam Is that inducing an abortion?

18:03 Drew In the eyes of the people who criticize morning after pills as inducing abortion, it's more likely to induce abortion. That's how it works, if you consider that abortion.

18:11 Adam Right, but these retards are the ones who think, you know, Ham begat Jobe and Jobe begat Hezekiah and he turned the water into wine.

18:20 Drew As we found out last night, Lot had sex with both of his daughters while his wife turned into a pillar of salt.

18:24 Adam They're not much, science is not something they're that interested in.

18:27 Drew J. Moore?

18:28 Adam How do you know that?

18:29 Mathew Lillard Because he's a fascinating character.

18:31 Adam They think the earth is 2000 years old. You know what I'm talking about? Anyone who brings up a dinosaur is a heretic, so you're not dealing with people that follow science too closely. Carolyn?

18:42 Yeah?

18:42 Adam You're 16?

18:43 Caller Yeah, hey guys.

18:44 Adam Hey, what's up?

18:46 Caller You're really hot.

18:48 Adam You should see him in person.

18:52 Caller Okay, so my question is, I went to Southern California three weeks ago with some friends.

18:58 Drew From Chicago?

18:59 Caller Yeah. I met this 26-year-old guy. He was really cute and everything. We had a lot of fun together. So I had a one-night stand with him. Then I found out he had a six-year-old daughter and a three-year-old son, and he's divorced. I was like, okay, he's 26. I probably shouldn't talk to this guy ever again. This is really not cool. But we exchanged contact information. And now I feel like because I shared this intimate experience with him, that I should be in contact with him because I've only slept with four people. But I've also had one other one-night stand, and that was in Florida.

19:38 Drew Well, you can get around a little bit here.

19:40 You need to stay in Chicago.

19:43 Drew Caroline, you sound like you feel obliged to call him. Do you think he's sort of expecting you to?

19:49 Adam He's a criminal, this guy.

19:50 Drew Yeah, he's a criminal. He doesn't care. Don't worry about him. Worry about you.

19:54 Adam What are you going into, the 11th grade?

19:56 Drew Yeah.

19:57 Adam The guy's 26.

19:58 Drew With two kids?

19:59 Caller He thinks I'm like 21 because I look really old.

20:02 Drew No, he doesn't care.

20:04 Adam Did you tell him you were 21?

20:05 Yeah.

20:06 Adam All right. I'll buy that. But listen, you can't carry on a relationship with this guy. He's in California. You're in Chicago and you're underage, so why bother?

20:18 Drew Don't feel obliged because somehow he is thinking what you're thinking. He's not.

20:23 Caller Really?

20:24 Adam He may like her.

20:25 Drew He may like her, but he's not thinking we should share this into an account.

20:27 Adam What does he do out here?

20:29 Caller He said that he does some painting thing and makes 70 grand a year, like supervising painters or something. All right.

20:39 Adam That's what I love about chicks. They have no idea what any guy ever does.

20:44 Mathew Lillard I mean, what would you ever want out of this relationship? There's nothing to have.

20:50 Caller He's just really cool. I thought he was really adorable and he had this awesome personality and everything and like...

20:57 Mathew Lillard Chalk it up to a life experience. Move on. It was a great experience. Move on.

21:01 Drew 16. No, I say not. We don't like this guy. I'm worried about you. I'm worried about you parading yourself around as 21 in other parts of the country. Right. Carolyn, relax a little bit.

21:13 Adam Where are your folks? And by the way, you know, what's the plan? We'll go out to LA. We'll go to Universal Studios, Disneyland, some older guy will pork my daughter. And then it's back to the Ramada Inn.

21:23 Caller And they sent me there like with two friends. They're like, have fun.

21:28 Drew Oh, my God. What do your parents do for a living?

21:31 Caller My mom's a real estate agent and my dad, like, I don't know, he's some business.

21:35 Adam I don't know. That's what I love about it.

21:39 Caller So, like, I mean, my dad, like, he's kind of crazy. I think.

21:42 Drew No kidding.

21:43 Caller He used to be alcoholic and everything.

21:45 Drew Okay. We're getting that.

21:46 Adam They sent you to California with two of your friends that are the same age?

21:50 Caller No. One is 17 and the other one is, like, this guy is 22.

21:54 Drew Oh, my God. Is your dad in recovery now or no? He's just not using?

21:58 Caller He didn't, like, go to recovery or anything. He just, like, stopped drinking because, like...

22:02 Drew Is he taking pills or something now?

22:03 Caller No.

22:04 Drew What's he doing? How's he getting by without drinking?

22:06 Caller I don't know. Like, he still drinks with just, like, once in a while.

22:09 Drew So he's smoked pot or something?

22:10 Adam Look, how does she know? She doesn't know what he does for a living.

22:13 Drew What if dad's an alcoholic, dad's not an untreated alcoholic who's out of control and she's just reacting. She should try to survive.

22:20 Adam All right. Honey, here's a quarter unless if you have to make a call and here's 50 bucks, you need to score like a 8th of weed. And here's a flask.

22:30 Mathew Lillard That's something as sweet as weekend. The kid's out of town. Let's put the keys in the hole.

22:36 Drew Yeah. If you really want to do it, yes, call Carolla. Good idea. We'll call Carolla back in a couple weeks to see how she's doing. But, Cal, if you really want to do something for yourself, go to Alateen. Don't worry about this guy. Take yourself somewhere where you can get some support.

22:47 Adam All right. Let's take ourselves a little break. Matthew Lillard is here from Summer Catch Out in theaters as we speak with his good buddy, Freddie Prinze Jr. We must have nude pictures of somewhere or something. He's got to have some goods on this Freddie Prinze Jr. Otherwise, he's not carrying him like he's been doing. All right. We'll take a break. When we come back and speak to Brandon, he's 15. When he gets stressed out, he burns himself with a lighter after this.

23:14 Caller Love Line with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

23:32 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Love Line, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Matthew Lillard is our guest tonight from Summer Catch.

23:42 Drew What song is that?

23:43 Adam I don't know.

23:43 Drew Is that the marijuana song?

23:45 Adam No. Out in theaters as we speak. And coming up soon in Scooby-Doo. And what the hell is the other movie you're coming up in?

23:53 Mathew Lillard Thirteen Ghost.

23:55 Adam What's that about?

23:56 Mathew Lillard It's a big event picture, Halloween. It's a Joel Silver big, you know, haunted house movie.

24:04 Adam Comes out on Halloween? I love a scary movie.

24:07 Mathew Lillard Oh, it's a good one. Yeah, R-rated. They try to get, they're avoiding NC-17. Very exciting stuff.

24:13 Adam Good. I love that. You know, it's nothing better than people trapped in a place and having to wait till the sun up.

24:19 Mathew Lillard It's a good one.

24:20 Adam Yeah.

24:21 Mathew Lillard They're going to like that one, JoJo.

24:22 Adam Don't do that enough.

24:23 Mathew Lillard Lies!

24:24 Adam Brandon?

24:25 Hi.

24:26 Adam You're fifteen?

24:27 Caller Yeah.

24:27 Adam, I just want to say you're my idol, man.

24:29 Adam Oh, thank you, man.

24:30 Drew Hi, Brandon.

24:33 Caller Yeah. So, I, when I get stressed out and stuff, I burn myself and I don't know why.

24:39 Drew Well, it sounds like you do a lot of stuff to manage feelings other than just burning, right?

24:43 Yeah.

24:43 Drew And do some drugs and things.

24:45 A little pot, you know.

24:47 Drew Yeah, a little. A little in the last hour.

24:50 Adam Are you stoned, Brandon?

24:52 Drew Maybe.

24:55 Adam You know, the tough part about being stoned is you could never pull it off. You can never pull it off. Like, whenever I'm stoned, my buddy Ray always gets right in my face. He looks me right in the eye and he goes, are you stoned? And I'm like, and I always look down and go, why? What do you, you know, you try to come to that creative answer. What makes you think or why is it? And you start laughing halfway into it.

25:15 Drew There's always that laughing break down.

25:17 Adam You end up spitting on him while you're laughing.

25:20 Drew All right.

25:20 Adam So Brandon, what's up?

25:23 Drew So Brandon, I, this is, this is sort of, I would predict a pro-stomatic stress reaction. You're trying to manage all these overwhelming feelings and flashbacks with drugs and arousal and burning and whatnot. So what happened to you?

25:36 Caller My dad died a few months ago.

25:38 Drew All right. Well, that's, that's the latest thing. Is it, you've been sort of stressed your whole life?

25:43 Well, yeah, before they kind of, you know, hit me a few times. Yeah, there you go.

25:48 Adam What did, what'd your dad die of?

25:50 Caller Cancer.

25:52 Drew Of what?

25:54 Caller Leukemia.

25:55 Drew Leukemia, wow.

25:56 Adam And, and so he, he used to beat you before that?

26:00 Yeah, only when I was like bad and stuff.

26:02 Drew You know what? That's what everyone says who gets beaten. There's no such thing as a child that does something that requires them or is bad enough to need them to be beaten. There's no such thing.

26:13 Adam All right. So you got this post-traumatic stress disorder going on. You got to get a little therapy, a little counseling.

26:20 Drew Yeah. And you're an addict, Brad. And what has to happen is you have to get the addiction treated. The PTSD will sort of surface. You'll learn how to deal with those things. And you'll learn new ways of managing affect and learn to feel good about yourself. All right.

26:34 Mathew Lillard In the meantime, pick up a Sony PlayStation. Do something else.

26:37 Drew Well, it's all about distraction. Even the burning is just a distraction thing. And he needs to stop distracting and start feeling. All right. And the burning shows how severe those painful feelings are. That's what you have to do to yourself to get away from those feelings.

26:50 Adam Couldn't you just scrape your nuts on home plate like Mathew? I mean, that's how he copes. That's how he deals with stress.

26:56 Mathew Lillard The other thing is, it's bigger than you. So don't be scared to go get help because, let me tell you something, you're dealing with issues that are huge, bro, that most people don't have to deal with in life. So go deal with it because you can't handle it.

27:08 Adam Well, especially when somebody does bad things to you and then they die and you feel guilt over, in a way, probably a sense of relief. There's no closure. Right. Jason?

27:20 Yeah.

27:20 Adam You're 17?

27:22 Caller Hey.

27:22 Adam Hey.

27:23 Caller Hey, Adam.

27:24 Adam Hey, what's happening?

27:25 Drew Dude, another user here. What's going on?

27:27 Caller Hey, like five days ago or something, I tried sleeping pills to get high.

27:34 Adam What kind?

27:36 Caller Hold on, let me get the box.

27:38 Adam Oh, you mean just over the counter?

27:40 Caller Over the counter sleeping pills.

27:42 Adam All right.

27:43 Drew All right.

27:43 Caller Like, I was kind of, I got really, really messed up when I tried them and I was really scared and I want to know like the effects of them. I mean like.

27:52 Drew How many did you take?

27:53 Caller It says to take two and I took seven. Like I took, I took five and like it didn't happen for like 20 minutes after I took them. So I took two more because I was like, why isn't anything happening? You know?

28:08 Adam Yeah. It's just the same feeling I have every time I take over the counter stuff. So why is nothing happening? But for me, I go for the booze. I don't go for more pills.

28:16 Drew And the heroin.

28:16 Adam I realize they need to be activated like a bulb that needs watering. You know what I'm saying?

28:21 Drew Do you, did you get agitated and start sort of getting paranoid?

28:26 Caller Yeah.

28:26 Caller It was like being high.

28:28 Caller Yeah.

28:28 Adam But were you speedy or were you sleepy?

28:32 Caller I was speedy, really speedy.

28:33 Adam That's the thing that's weird about sleeping pills is the over the counter stuff at least. You take two, you get sleepy. You take four, you get speedy.

28:41 Drew Well, it's all something called diphenhydrinate. You guys know it as benadryl. And you take more than 50 milligrams of benadryl and you get something called an anticholinergic delirium which is a side effect of the benadryl. And you can get really agitated and really psychotic from that. And it's not fun. It doesn't necessarily harm you like brain damage, that kind of thing. But boy, you can do wild stuff. It's a delirium. I mean, you're out of your mind. Listen, some of the wildest psychoses I've seen have been on anticholinergic delirium.

29:10 Adam They deal with lightweights, but exclusively. Says it right outside his office. Welcome lightweights. Yeah.

29:17 Mathew Lillard Drew, welcome wussies.

29:18 Drew It does not say, it says lightweights only.

29:21 Adam Lightweights only. You should really, you should really get like on your business card, like serving lightweights since 1979. But or maybe the light of weight. I think that's the medical term. But Drew, let me ask you, as you know, I love a sleeping pill.

29:39 Drew As I know.

29:40 Adam Now, the problem with the over-the-counter stuff is you take two and it's like, eh, you know, I'm a 190-pound guy. It doesn't really do too much. I don't feel too much. And then I take three, I get speedy. So I'm screwed up. Why not? Is there any over-the-counter sleeping pill that has some of the same properties or some of the same ingredients as the over-the-counter? I mean, the under-the-counter or the prescription stuff? No. Because that stuff, if you take five, you'll just start to stop breathing. You'll start to be like a Bugs Bunny cartoon when he got hold of the ether. That's what happens. So why can't there be one? Because then I could just take four of those and I'd be fine. You know what I'm saying?

30:23 Mathew Lillard Isn't it dangerous? I mean, can you go to sleep and die from taking too many Benadryl? No problem.

30:30 Drew Oh, Benadryl?

30:31 Mathew Lillard Over-the-counter stuff?

30:32 Drew No, you get these anticholinergic reactions and you get real sick.

30:35 Adam But Drew, why don't they make an over-the-counter one that has the same properties?

30:39 Drew Because those are dose-related sedating medications that if there was one medicine they wouldn't want to have access to over-the-counter, that would be one because people would easily overdose and die easily.

30:50 Adam Instead, we just have to freak out, like push our cuticles back all night because we took too many of the Benadryl.

30:56 Caller Benadryl.

30:58 Mathew Lillard Robitussin.

30:59 Adam That was that good?

30:59 Mathew Lillard That'll put you to sleep.

31:00 Drew Well, that also will give you hallucinations if you take a bunch of it. They're called robo-tripping.

31:05 Adam So Jason needs to what? He's fine?

31:09 Drew Jason is a drug addict and he's fishing around for-

31:12 Adam Jason, stop monkeying around with your brain, would you?

31:15 Caller Like, will I like die if I take these too many of them?

31:19 Adam Yes.

31:20 Drew You could, yeah.

31:21 Caller Seriously, I'm serious.

31:22 Adam Well, look, you're alive, aren't you?

31:24 Caller Yeah.

31:24 Adam Well, you took seven and you're alive.

31:26 Caller What if I like keep using them?

31:28 Adam Don't do it anymore.

31:30 Drew Jason, what the hell is going on with you? Why are you in such trouble sleeping?

31:34 Caller No, that's not the problem.

31:35 Adam He just wants to get effed up.

31:36 Caller That's not the problem, man.

31:38 Adam Can't you go down to the liquor store and score some Mickey's Big Mouth or something?

31:43 Caller But it's so cheap.

31:44 Adam It's not that much cheaper than a six pack of beer.

31:46 Drew What are you trying to run away from? What's going on? You have to be away.

31:51 Caller I don't know. Maybe my mom, maybe.

31:56 Drew Yeah, maybe.

31:57 Caller Well, I never realized that you could get this deep into it.

32:01 Drew Well, you're into it, Jace. That's not the only drug you're doing, obviously. Yeah.

32:04 Mathew Lillard Are you on it now?

32:05 Caller No, no, no.

32:07 Drew It just sounds like magic when he's on it.

32:08 Adam It's a little whacked.

32:09 Caller Well, I can't believe you think it could be some family problem or something.

32:16 Drew Yeah. There's something you're trying to run away from, trying to escape.

32:20 Caller Oh, jeez. That's bad.

32:22 Drew Yeah, it is bad. There are better ways to do it than hurting yourself.

32:25 Adam Jason, seriously, it's 17. If you're working this hard to catch a buzz, you got to look into what's motivating that. All right? Yeah.

32:33 All right.

32:34 Mathew Lillard Take care, Jason.

32:35 Adam Yeah. Well, I just love it.

32:38 Mathew Lillard It just dawns on him.

32:39 Adam You don't want to...

32:40 Caller Oh, wow.

32:41 Mathew Lillard I'm kind of whacked.

32:43 Adam I mean, imagine this guy 25.

32:45 Mathew Lillard Oh, when he can buy the beer.

32:47 Drew It'd be the same.

32:48 Adam No, I say.

32:49 Mathew Lillard He'll be still on sitting pills.

32:50 Adam Ivy? Ivy?

32:53 Hello?

32:54 Caller Oh.

32:54 Adam Hello?

32:55 Hi. I have a question for Matthew Lillard.

32:58 Mathew Lillard Are you in a bathroom?

33:00 Caller No, I'm in the garage.

33:01 Oh, wow.

33:03 Mathew Lillard You don't want your parents to know you're talking to me?

33:05 No, my mom's sleeping. She told me to go in the garage.

33:07 Drew Is your garage tiled?

33:09 No.

33:10 Adam Did she tell you to start the car? Not in the garage.

33:13 Mathew Lillard What question do you have for me?

33:14 Drew You lived in the garage, though.

33:15 Mathew Lillard Aquarius.

33:16 Adam True.

33:16 Okay, I was wondering, in SLC Punk, like, you were like a punk rocker guy. Were you like that in real life before you did the movie or after you did the movie or did you just do that in the movie?

33:27 Mathew Lillard I grew up listening to punk, Orange County punk, but was I a punk? Like, did I go around and beat people up and do all that stuff? No.

33:35 No?

33:36 Mathew Lillard It's make believe, dear.

33:37 Oh, I was just wondering.

33:38 Mathew Lillard I'm not really in space in Wing Commander and I don't really kill people and scream. Okay. But no, I listen to music.

33:44 Adam He is a semi-pro ball player though.

33:46 Mathew Lillard I listen to music. I love the music. It's good. It's a good movie. You like it? Okay.

33:52 Adam Thanks.

33:53 Wait. Adam and Drew, you guys are like really cool. I listen to your show a lot.

33:57 Adam Thank you.

33:57 Drew Thank you, Abby.

33:58 Okay, bye.

33:58 Drew Redondo.

33:59 Adam Get out of that garage, all right?

34:01 Okay.

34:02 All right.

34:04 Adam Go out in the garage, all right? Let's talk to Adam at 16. Adam?

34:10 Caller Yeah.

34:11 Drew Everyone's loaded tonight.

34:12 Caller What's up, guys?

34:14 Caller I have moderate acne, and I've been to a dermatologist, and they gave me this proactive stuff.

34:19 Adam What kind of acne?

34:20 Drew Moderate.

34:21 Caller It's moderate. It's not that bad, but it still doesn't look very good.

34:24 Drew How does it work? Proactive. That's a kit, right? The proactive?

34:27 Caller Yeah, and I've already went through two kits of proactive.

34:30 Caller I've been on it for about six months, and that didn't work, so I went back, and they gave me some kind of soap, oatmeal soap or something, and some Kleosil tea topical lotion, and that still hasn't worked for me.

34:45 Drew You might try some over-the-counter benzoyl peroxide 10% on top of that, and then if that all doesn't work, then really the next step probably, other than maybe some oral antibiotics, which they may or may not go to, the next step is Accutane.

34:59 Caller Oh, and they gave me Mano-Cyclone.

35:01 Drew Yeah, that's the Tetracycline, so that's antibiotic. So if you add the benzoyl peroxide, and if all that doesn't work, then Accutane is your next step. And Accutane will work. That stuff is magical.

35:12 Adam Let me tell you the key to getting rid of Zets. You need a little thing of Oxy-10 and a pin. You have to puncture them and drain them, and then you put the an-

35:24 Mathew Lillard Something tells you that's bad, right, Doc?

35:25 Adam I do it all the time.

35:26 Drew Just let them go on. Whatever you say, it's not going to make it.

35:29 Mathew Lillard It's not going to help.

35:30 Adam And let me tell you, all this sterilization crap nonsense. I get a pin that was left in like an old sausage for a week. It was rotting out of the yard. I wipe it under my armpit.

35:42 Mathew Lillard It's still getting in my mouth.

35:43 Adam Here's the thing about it.

35:45 Drew That germ theory stuff. Nonsense.

35:47 Adam Nonsense.

35:48 Mathew Lillard The larky.

35:48 Adam The jury is still out. You take a pin, just get, I use a pin from like a sewing kit, and you find the head of that zit. I mean, the pore that, and it'll drop right in. It's like, it's like pricking the skin of a, of a plum, and then it just drops in after that. And then you just pull it out, drain it out, and put that, pops, and then just drain it, and then put that Oxy-10 on it and go to bed.

36:17 Drew Nice.

36:19 Adam How about toothpaste?

36:19 Mathew Lillard It doesn't work.

36:20 Adam And what about toothpaste?

36:21 Drew It ends up just irritating. It doesn't, it's not a good thing.

36:23 Mathew Lillard Come on. I've been sleeping with toothpaste all over my face for years. Nice.

36:27 Adam Really?

36:27 Mathew Lillard I look, my baby skin, I don't know.

36:30 Adam Alright, so what, what is, I'm right with the pin though, right Drew?

36:33 Drew Yeah. You're always right.

36:34 Adam No, seriously.

36:35 You are my teacher.

36:36 Adam Everyone, get a pin out. I mean it. Pop that thing with the pin. Don't just, don't start pushing on it. You'll just get things irritating.

36:42 Mathew Lillard How do you know this stuff about the drugs for acne?

36:46 Drew Because I treat it all the time.

36:49 Mathew Lillard Where do you stop? Are you just a doctor of everything?

36:51 Drew I'm an internist, a general doctor, yeah.

36:54 Caller Jesus.

36:55 Drew I would take care of your testy if you would come to me for it.

36:57 Adam Yeah.

36:58 Drew We would have gotten that ultrasound right away.

37:00 Adam Steady. Matthew Lillard is our guest. He's on Summer Cash, which is out right now.

37:07 Drew Hey, I was just at Occidental College. I want to shout out to a couple of guys who helped me out there, Brian Looney and Scott Wannerman who are big help. Good show.

37:13 Adam Yeah.

37:13 Caller Good. All right.

37:14 Adam We'll take a little break. We'll be back.

37:17 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

37:19 We'll be right back.

37:20 Loveline.

37:22 Adam I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew. Matthew Lillard is here. Summer Cash is the name of his latest movie, which is in theaters as we speak. Go out and see him and Freddie Prince Jr. throwing the ball around.

37:36 Mathew Lillard I'm in a thong. I'm in a thong in the movie. Really? No.

37:40 Drew Do you see the black sack?

37:41 Mathew Lillard No, you don't actually. But there's a lot of sack to be seen. No, it's weird. It's that's an intimidating thing.

37:47 Adam The thong?

37:48 Mathew Lillard Oh, God. I can't imagine being a woman.

37:50 Adam He used didn't Freddie use like a body double or something?

37:53 Mathew Lillard He had a butt double.

37:54 Adam But not you?

37:55 Mathew Lillard No, no, no. I'm a big fan of the whole method thing.

38:00 Adam Yeah.

38:00 Mathew Lillard Not that, but nobody could be 6'4 in that skinny.

38:03 Adam Right, right.

38:05 Mathew Lillard The full body shot. You can't miss me.

38:07 Adam How's the ass look on film?

38:08 Mathew Lillard It's actually the other side.

38:10 Adam Oh, it's the front part?

38:11 Mathew Lillard Yeah, it's the other side.

38:12 Adam In the thong?

38:13 Mathew Lillard Yeah.

38:13 Adam Oh, so we can see the package basically, but there was a piece of material over the package, right?

38:19 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

38:21 Adam Nice.

38:21 Mathew Lillard That's terrifying.

38:22 Adam Yeah. All right. You ready to roll here, Drew?

38:24 Drew Here we go.

38:25 Adam You want to think about that thong? No, it's all right. Okay.

38:27 Drew Thank you, though.

38:28 Adam John?

38:29 Yeah.

38:29 Adam You're 15?

38:30 Caller Yep.

38:31 Adam What's up?

38:32 Caller Oh, I'd just like to say, hey, Adam, hey, Dr. Drew, hey, Anderson, saying hey to Anderson.

38:38 Adam Yeah, he's waving.

38:39 Drew Anderson's waving. What's up, John?

38:41 Caller All right. I have some kind of something on my thing, on my penis.

38:46 Adam Your thing?

38:47 Caller Yeah, I don't know what it is.

38:48 Adam Is it the head?

38:49 Caller No, just at the bottom, at the base of the shaft, I guess.

38:53 Drew Just one thing, a little thing?

38:54 Adam That's your balls.

38:55 Drew Oh, just one? It's like a little zit almost?

38:58 Caller Yeah, but it's not a zit.

39:00 Drew Is it sort of like almost like a wart? But flatter and smaller?

39:06 Caller It's really small and it's like just a light color of my skin.

39:10 Drew Is there hair coming out of it?

39:11 Caller No hair.

39:12 Adam Yeah, just grow your pubes over it. I haven't seen the base of my penis in years.

39:16 Drew It's probably a pearly penile papule. What? A pearly penile papule.

39:21 Caller What's that?

39:22 Drew It's these little, as you hit 15, 16, these little little lumps, they look kind of like warts. People sometimes confuse them for warts and they usually occur on the base or around the tip and they're little pearly little bumps.

39:32 Caller Well, that looks like a pimple sort of.

39:34 Drew Well, if it's a pimple and it turns into a white head and bursts on you, then it was a pimple, basically.

39:38 Caller No, no, it didn't, did it?

39:39 Adam I had it for a while. It's not an STD.

39:41 Drew Well, molluscum contagiosum can look like that, too. Are you sexually active?

39:45 Caller No.

39:46 Drew It's a pearly penile papule.

39:47 Adam That's why I said it was an STD. I always know the voice of the guy who gets laid.

39:51 Caller So it goes away?

39:52 Adam Yeah, it's fine.

39:52 Drew No, you live with it, it's fine.

39:54 Adam You know, it's weird. People always say, jeez, how can you make these decisions or make these accusations or generalizations based on people you've never met before? They're not even in the room. You can't see them and you've only talked to them for 30 seconds and you're making all these accusations. And the voice, everybody, real powerful. How many times have I been wrong on the virgin versus non-virgin?

40:20 Drew Never.

40:21 Mathew Lillard Never?

40:22 Adam Maybe once in the last 100.

40:24 Drew I can't remember.

40:25 Adam And everyone who calls this show who's 15 or 16 is usually not a virgin. But once in a while, a guy's voice comes up and it's like definitely virgin.

40:35 Mathew Lillard Virgin.

40:36 Adam John, virgin. Just always know it. Can tell by the voice.

40:39 Mathew Lillard Plus you do this all the time.

40:40 Adam Yeah.

40:41 Mathew Lillard You get used to it.

40:42 Adam Yeah. You're trying to take away from my achievements?

40:44 Mathew Lillard No, you've got skills. That's what I'm saying.

40:46 Adam Yeah.

40:46 Mathew Lillard You're a pro.

40:47 Adam Well, your voice is very telling. And the guys who haven't been laid yet sound like guys who haven't been laid yet. Rachel? Hello?

40:57 Drew Hang on one second, Rachel. I wonder if that's a function of people having late puberty and thereby not being interested in getting laid. You know what I mean? Maybe we're picking up on a pubertal change.

41:09 Adam You definitely could make a correlation. But it's also, there's a certain confidence a man, a certain air, a certain swagger a man has when he gets laid.

41:18 Mathew Lillard Dropping on the testicles.

41:19 Caller All right.

41:20 Adam Rachel? I mean, Rachelle?

41:23 Caller Jesus. Yeah, whatever.

41:24 Adam Has people called you Rachel your whole effing life? Yeah, yeah. All right. Well, then change it to Rachel. Please, please, it drives me nuts. It'd kick your dad and mom right in the quarters for me. Would you please?

41:39 Caller I should, actually, yeah.

41:40 Adam All right, go ahead.

41:41 Drew Oh, for other reasons, I imagine.

41:43 Adam Yeah, go ahead.

41:44 Caller My question is, I've been with this guy for a year now, and I've, he calls it cheating. I've kissed three of his friends and one of my exes. I've never gotten real intimate.

41:59 Drew He calls it cheating, the temerity of that young man. What do you call it?

42:02 Adam She calls it maize.

42:05 Mathew Lillard What kind of?

42:06 Drew Nobody's going to get that except me.

42:08 Caller I think, I don't get it.

42:10 Adam Matthew doesn't get it.

42:11 Mathew Lillard I really wish I did though.

42:13 Drew That's an old commercial.

42:14 Adam There's an old commercial where this hot looking Indian chick came on and was for Mazola corn oil. And I don't know why, you know how every once in a while a commercial seems to just sort of catch on, like ancient Chinese secret for calgonite or whatever.

42:31 Drew What's up? Yeah, what's up? That kind of thing.

42:33 Adam This was that from about 25 years ago and this Indian woman, she shucks an ear of corn and she said, you call it corn, we call it maize. And for some reason, I don't know, like all the fifth graders would walk around going, we call it maize.

42:49 Drew Yeah, all the fifth graders had puberty because they're right on it.

42:52 Adam A hot Pocahontas chick was handling this phallic-like object. Anyway, I'm sorry, Rochelle.

42:59 Caller Okay.

42:59 Adam Yeah, maize means nothing to you.

43:00 Drew So what do you call it? You don't call it cheating?

43:03 Caller Well, it is. I know it's wrong, but I want to know why it's happening.

43:08 Adam Well, hold on a second. Quiet. When you kiss, are you really making out or what are you talking about then?

43:15 Caller No, it's no.

43:17 Drew She knows she's doing something wrong.

43:18 Adam No, no, no, no. Hold on. I want to know exactly physically what's going on.

43:23 Caller It's just we just kiss like there's no tongue or anything.

43:29 Drew But are you kind of making out?

43:31 Caller No, no.

43:32 Adam All right. Well, then who cares? What are you talking about then?

43:35 Caller Well, he's so pissed off about it.

43:38 Mathew Lillard Well, then stop doing it. By the way, if you're not sticking your tongue down his throat, then what is the purpose?

43:44 Drew You're not making out. What are you doing?

43:45 Mathew Lillard You're just getting his goat. Do you want out of the relationship?

43:47 Drew No, you're just saying goodbye.

43:48 Caller That's what I'm wondering.

43:50 Drew Well, I'm going to sort of put the pieces of the puzzle.

43:52 Mathew Lillard Wait, wait.

43:53 Drew She started out with, I should kick my parents the nuts because, well, not because of the name, but because they're paying the ass.

43:58 Mathew Lillard Right.

43:58 Drew So we would just based on that, surmise that you had some pretty rocky relationship with your dad. I bet your current boyfriend is a really nice guy and you're a hell bent on sabotaging that. You've got to get out of that relationship because it means real intimacy. And that's too uncomfortable for you. You need a nice asshole to take care of you.

44:15 Mathew Lillard Just get out.

44:16 Caller I'm an asshole?

44:17 Adam Well, that's what you're looking for. You're engaged, right?

44:21 Caller Yeah. We met each other a year ago and after a month, he proposed to me. After a month knowing him. Right.

44:29 Adam But he's a good guy and you love it in a way, but another way you can't tolerate it. And so you need to bring chaos into the relationship.

44:37 Drew You need to sabotage it. You're gonna get out of this. And it's because of your crappy relationship with your dad.

44:42 Adam What's your dad do?

44:44 Caller He's an electrician.

44:46 Caller What do you do?

44:47 Mathew Lillard You hear the despise in her voice.

44:49 Adam Yeah, what do you do?

44:50 Mathew Lillard She's an electrician.

44:51 Adam What did he do to you?

44:53 Caller Well, he's not my real dad. I don't know my real dad.

44:56 Adam Oh, okay.

44:57 Drew What happened to your real dad?

45:00 Caller I don't know what happened to him. He's gone.

45:02 Drew You never asked your mom what happened?

45:04 Caller Well, they were married when she was 16 and then she met this guy and then just he adapted me and my older brother.

45:13 Drew And when you were how old?

45:16 Caller Three.

45:17 Drew And what happened to your dad in those first three years?

45:22 Caller My real dad.

45:23 Adam All right. Hey, Rachel, don't get married. I can't talk to you. I go out in the parking lot and talk to the security guy's dog.

45:30 Drew The car.

45:30 Adam Have a better conversation. It's like, who? My dad? Yeah, where is he? I don't know.

45:37 Drew My dad?

45:37 Adam Like, how dare you for asking where he is? And then so you figure the guy left at birth. Yeah. Now it turns out he left at three. And she has no idea what you're asking.

45:46 Drew Something awful happened that she has been one willing to ask about it. Mom's been hiding it.

45:50 Mathew Lillard OK. Good guys always finish last. Here you guys get jacked.

45:54 Adam Here is not literally. Unfortunately, here's the deal. Rachel, you're 22. You're still acting out. You had a bad past. Fine. Little therapy, little counseling. Don't get married yet. Right. That's all. Don't get engaged. And when you're kissing these guys and causing this conflict, that's basically the message you're sending, which is I'm not ready to get married yet. That's a good impulse. Stay with the guy, postpone the marriage, and we'll be back. Hey, Loveline, y'all, I'm Adam, that's Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191-SLASH from Guns N Roses, and of course, Slash's Snake Pit, and many other endeavors will be in here tomorrow night. And it'll be good to see Slash. I love that Slash.

46:44 Mathew Lillard Does he come with a hat when he's in studio? Yeah.

46:47 Adam He does? No, did he?

46:49 Drew Yeah, not in this studio, the TV, I think.

46:51 Mathew Lillard The TV, I understand. No, seriously, it looks like...

46:53 Adam He still can't see his face.

46:55 Mathew Lillard He's got a beret on. He's all clean.

46:58 Adam He's Slash. And let me tell you something about Slash. Slash is Slash, no act. I mean, what you see is what you get, or what you don't see is what you do get.

47:07 Mathew Lillard He seems dirty, like he smells.

47:09 Drew Yeah. We'll always remember him for talking to us during commercial break and dropping his cigarette into his boot and going, oh, dude. I want to burn his foot.

47:20 Adam Slash was on the TV show. Slash, yeah, during the commercial, he said, I got a big tat, a big Slash's snake pit tat on my back. It was like on the back of his shoulder. And he goes, let me show it to you. And he's smoking. I mean, he just smokes constantly. So he's got the cigarette hanging out of his mouth. And I like guys who smoke a ton because they do stuff and smoke. These guys work on cars with the cigarette, shoot pool, pump gas, swing a golf club. Yeah. Refill the propane canister, whatever it is. There's nothing better than seeing a dude with two hands full, like wrenching on a Buick and the cigarette dangling from the mouth and holding a conversation with the cigarette just sort of bobbing up and down on the lip. So Slash goes, yeah, let me show you this. So he takes his shirt and he pulls it over his head in order to basically expose his shoulder and show me this tent. As he pulls the shirt over his head, his lit cigarette falls down and lands in a pair of motorcycle boots, sort of Mad Max kind of riding boots, the kind that buckle up, but his aren't buckled up, his are open. He's wearing a Slash and they're open at the top, so they create a sort of a funnel. The thing falls right down, lands in his boot lit. And so he doesn't notice and he's going on about the tent. And I'm like, Slash, your cigarette, yeah, it's in your boot, yeah, all right. Anyway, you know, note the detail on the thing. I'm like, Slash, your boot, your boot's on fire.

48:53 Caller It's like, yeah.

48:54 Mathew Lillard Note the detail.

48:55 Adam Yeah, didn't care too much about that. Matthew Lillard is our guest. You can find him on Summer Catch, which is the movie that is out in theaters as we speak nationwide. And he's with his good buddy, Freddie Prince Jr., who, like I said, at the beginning of the show was just, it seems like, actually is just one of the nicest guys in the world. We did, what the, Down to You? Was that a movie of his? Yeah. I think there was a man show bit in that movie and we talked to him a little bit. Just a great guy. Tony?

49:25 Yeah.

49:26 Adam You're 41?

49:27 Caller Got it, man.

49:27 Adam What's up?

49:28 Caller You know, wanted to call and talk to you guys about, you guys kind of relate everything to family and all that and your relationships, man. And I just always, I've had like four relationships in my whole life, you know, and it's like I'm attracted to girls that don't have dads and come from families and it's just like.

49:49 Adam All right. Hold on a second there, Tony. You cannot use the F word.

49:54 Mathew Lillard How does every time I'm on the show, somebody says it?

49:56 Adam Oh, because it happens every night. But listen, you guys will know it's okay to use the F word when you hear me using it every third sentence.

50:04 Drew The way you normally do. The way I would normally talk.

50:08 Adam The way I would normally talk. Right. Until then, you may not use it. I'm putting Tony back on hold here so he can think about his use of the language. And then we'll get back with Michelle.

50:17 Yeah.

50:18 Adam You're 15. What's up?

50:21 Caller Yeah, I just want to say Matthew Lillard, you're a really cool guy.

50:23 Adam Thank you.

50:24 Caller Yeah. Okay. My question is, I have a butterfly tongue.

50:30 Drew You mean where your tongue sort of flaps?

50:32 Caller Yeah. You know that stringy thing that's underneath your tongue?

50:35 Adam Yeah.

50:36 Caller It's connected like way to the tip of your tongue.

50:38 Adam Is that your frenulum?

50:40 Drew Yeah.

50:42 Adam That membrane underneath your tongue?

50:44 Drew Yeah.

50:44 Caller Yeah.

50:45 Caller That thing.

50:46 Adam It goes all the way up?

50:47 Caller Pretty much, yeah.

50:48 Adam To the end of your tongue?

50:49 Caller Pretty much, almost. So I can't stick it up.

50:53 Drew All right.

50:53 Adam Is that a butterfly tongue?

50:55 Caller Yeah.

50:56 Drew Butterfly, you know, palate and butterfly tongue. That's what I referred to it there. Palate is that people have neurologic problems. They actually keep flapping all the time. It's bizarre looking. It looks like flaps like a butterfly.

51:05 Adam Yeah, like old people do that.

51:07 Drew Well, people, heroin addicts get that. No, no, no. It's in the back. It's a little in the back just flopping all the time. Can you imagine dealing with that all the time? And it's from midbrain damage from drug use and stuff.

51:17 Adam All right, Michelle, so.

51:19 Caller Okay, so I'm wondering, I want to get it clipped, you know, because it kind of sucks. And I'm wondering what the procedure is, you know, how it goes on and what do they do or whatever, you know.

51:29 Drew I've never seen the procedure done. I'm sure in your nose and throat, doctor could do it. It's probably very minor. They just clip and sew. And, you know.

51:37 Adam And didn't Gene Simmons have that done? So he could take his tongue out and touch his navel with it.

51:43 Drew But it's something that probably you just go home right afterwards and probably a lot of swelling and pain and tenderness. Use ice.

51:48 Mathew Lillard Why do you want to get a club? Why does it suck?

51:52 Caller Because you can't kiss.

51:54 Adam Oh, you can't. Because you can't sink your tongue out of your mouth.

51:57 Caller So it's really hot.

51:59 Adam All right.

52:00 Drew Oh, listen.

52:01 Adam Look at this. Oh, we got someone who's had the surgery twice. How many tongues does this guy have?

52:08 Drew Damien? Three. It says his name is Damien.

52:11 Adam Oh, that's right. It's Mark of the Devil in his mouth. Hi, Michelle. Yeah. All right. Just keep listening. We'll talk to Damien, who's our devil phone screener over here. Damien had this done?

52:24 Drew That's what he said. Let's get him on the horn here.

52:26 Adam Hey, Damien.

52:27 Drew Get on the mic.

52:28 Adam He's such a retard. Look at him talking over there. Put those cans on there, Damien. You've had this done?

52:35 Caller Yes. I had the surgery done when I was born. It was severely done where I couldn't even lift my tongue above the bottom of my mouth and then it didn't go correctly. You know, whatever. But when I was about 13, I had it re-cut and it's a totally easy surgery. They do it inside the doctor's office.

52:55 Drew I don't think.

52:56 Caller It took like five minutes, if that. And the doctor just goes in, he numbs the tongue, and he does like, he had like ten little cuts around and a little circle and then you're healed. Yeah.

53:06 Adam His boyfriend paid for the procedure, by the way. No, he gets great oral. Oh, let me attest to it. Not only does he pour a mean cup of coffee, but great oral. Drew, you got to get in on some of that during the next commercial. It's great, great oral. All right, Michelle, there you go.

53:20 All right, thank you.

53:21 Drew Hey, Damien, did they call it butterfly tongue with you?

53:24 Yeah, that's what I'm trying to.

53:26 Caller No, they just call it like tongue tied or something.

53:28 Drew Yeah, it's not. I've never heard. Butterfly tongue is something totally different, in my experience.

53:32 Adam All right, Michelle. All right. So go see an ear, nose, and throat guy and get it done.

53:36 Drew Okay, thank you.

53:37 Adam There you go.

53:38 Caller All right.

53:39 Adam You know, I understand the throat and nose part of ear, nose, and throat, but the ear seems like it's far enough away that they don't need to specialize in that one, too. Eye, nose, and throat, I could go for that. Eye and ear, I could go for. The ear and the nose seem, I mean, the nose and the throat seem connected, but the ear thing, is that connected? Is that the tubes go in there?

54:04 Drew Yeah, they go to the throat, but you're right, the ear tends to go off as a separate specialty.

54:09 Adam Yeah, so they're more, ear, nose, and throat guys are mostly nose and throat guys, right?

54:14 Drew Mostly, yeah, they tend to be, or ear guys.

54:16 Adam All right, that's fascinating stuff.

54:20 Caller Jamie?

54:21 Yeah?

54:21 Adam You know, it's boring when you bring up the question and then are bored with it halfway into it. Like, jeez, why'd I ask that boring one? Thank you. Jamie, go ahead, 14.

54:30 I was wondering if girls masturbate and if they do, how?

54:36 Drew What do you mean how?

54:38 How would they do it? Because sometimes guys, they touch the balls or something.

54:42 Drew No, that's not how guys do it.

54:44 Adam Interesting. Especially not Matthew.

54:46 I just heard my friend talking about it.

54:48 Adam How guys touch their balls when they masturbate?

54:51 I don't know, my friend does.

54:52 Adam No. My balls are in the next room watching TV when I masturbate. I call them in when I need them, but I don't like them there arguing amongst themselves talking.

55:02 Okay.

55:03 Adam So, you're saying you don't have balls, so what are you going to do?

55:07 Oh, yeah, because I don't know if girls masturbate because I only thought guys did. One of my girlfriends, she asked me, like, do you masturbate? And then I didn't really get the question because I always thought guys does.

55:21 Adam Right.

55:22 And then I said no and then the guy is, like, looking at me and he's, like, whatever, you know.

55:28 Adam Yeah, okay. Turn your radio down.

55:32 What?

55:32 Adam Turn your radio down, goofball.

55:34 I have no radio.

55:36 Adam Oh, really?

55:37 My brother took it.

55:38 Adam That's good. The guy with the balls.

55:41 Drew Yeah.

55:42 Adam Okay, Jamie, you're 14.

55:44 Caller Yeah.

55:45 Adam You're not ready to masturbate yet.

55:47 Drew Yeah.

55:47 Adam That's fine. And when the time comes, it will work its way out for you.

55:53 Drew Although, I've been on record many times saying that women need to create a language of their own that helps them understand what this process is for a woman because it's different than for a man. It is very different from many women.

56:04 Adam Yeah, like what? What do you mean?

56:06 Drew Like that whole thing that Ann talks about, about lighting candles and getting in that special space.

56:11 Adam You must have said she put a candle up her. She won't light it.

56:14 Drew See how confusing this is for me.

56:15 Adam She's just painting a shaped candle. Unfortunately, she used a sand candle once and really did some damage.

56:21 Drew See, they need to have these sort of tips for one another.

56:23 Adam And by the way, do they still make those sand candles?

56:27 Drew No, 79, gone.

56:28 Adam Remnant of the 70s. Went out with the God's Eye and the lanyard. What the hell do they do at camp? Oh, now they just F each other at camp. When I went to camp, there was like canoeing and making lanyards and candles. Now, it's everyone's just blow jobs and finger banging.

56:45 Caller What the hell are you talking about? Everyone bangs each other at camp, too?

56:48 Adam What goes on, Anderson? Do you make candles over there at that camp?

56:51 Caller No, they fish, they go on horseback, they go hiking, that kind of archery.

56:56 Adam Right, rape, rape, rape.

56:57 There's no dry anal rape.

57:00 Adam Okay, enjoy. Oh, wait a minute. What name is that?

57:04 Drew Antione.

57:05 Adam Antoine.

57:06 Drew Antoine.

57:07 Adam Is that how you spell Antoine?

57:08 Drew Oh, on the eyes backwards.

57:10 Adam Oh, that's what. T-O-I-N-E. Fork tongue over there screwed it up. All right, go ahead, Antoine.

57:16 Caller Hey, first question for Matt. Did you have to practice for the shaggy voice or did it just come naturally?

57:24 Mathew Lillard No, I worked really hard.

57:26 Caller Yeah, I'm like, watch this video right now and I'm like, compare voices and you guys are like.

57:30 Mathew Lillard It's not bad, right?

57:31 Caller You're going with it.

57:32 Mathew Lillard Well, the thing is that everyone in the world's gonna think, you know, everyone's gonna have an opinion. You're out there playing an icon, so some of you, everyone's gonna hate you, so you might as well do the best you can. Well, so I worked hard.

57:44 Adam All right, well, let me ask this. You were hired then based on being you and that, oh, he does Devoid, so let's get him.

57:52 Mathew Lillard Yeah, based on me, but then I had to go, you know, the audition process. I did the whole pelvic walk, the whole follow, eat the ham, you know, the whole mouth, man.

58:03 Drew Doesn't he walk?

58:03 Mathew Lillard Oh yeah, the whole hands forward, the whole pelvis.

58:07 Adam Let's see a little walk.

58:08 Drew I can't, okay, out here, out here.

58:09 Adam Bad for the radio, but good for us.

58:11 Drew Okay, ready?

58:12 Adam Mathew Lillard, gonna do the Scooby Shaggy Pelvic Walk. Here it comes. He's gonna walk by. All right, keep going.

58:23 No.

58:25 Adam Oh, that was great.

58:26 Mathew Lillard Pretty good.

58:27 Adam All right, Antoine?

58:28 Caller Yeah.

58:28 Mathew Lillard Is that showing off?

58:30 Adam That was good. Any other questions?

58:33 Caller I have a bit of a problem. I'm a very morbid thinker. And for like the past three or four years, I've like dreamt of killing family members. I've like dreamt of killing my grandmother, my little sister, aunts, nieces, friends.

58:50 Adam Yeah, we get it. The whole group.

58:52 Mathew Lillard You and I are cool, though, right, Antoine?

58:55 Caller Yeah, but you know, I don't have any like anima.

58:57 Adam Hold on a second. Let me say something about Antoine. He's got range. First, like, how'd you get the role of Shaggy in the new Scooby-Doo movie? I'm thinking about killing my family. This is a rangey guy, this Antoine. All right, Antoine, so thinking about killing the whole family.

59:13 Caller Yeah, but, you know, like I said, you know, I don't have any hate or animosity towards anyone.

59:19 Drew I mean, what is that you have then? What would make you take someone's life? You love them so much that you have to...

59:25 Caller I don't know. That's why I'm calling.

59:27 Drew Yeah, well, that would be called hate.

59:29 Adam Well, is it?

59:31 Drew No, do you do speed?

59:33 Caller What's that?

59:34 Drew Do you do much speed?

59:36 Caller No, no, I don't.

59:38 Drew Adam, do you do any speed?

59:41 Adam Uh, no. I mean, listen, Antoine, do you do speed or not?

59:46 Caller No, I don't.

59:47 Adam Okay, why did you have to labor over the answer so long?

59:51 Caller I don't know. I'm kind of distressed about this, man. I mean, I don't understand why I'm doing this.

59:56 Drew Well, if you're doing stimulants, that's what people normally do, a cocaine or speed or ecstasy, that's what, that's the thinking that comes.

1:00:03 Caller Well, I'm taking ecstasy on occasion.

1:00:05 Drew But you're not doing anything regularly?

1:00:06 Caller No. And I mean, this has been going on for a long time, and it's gotten to the point where I like think of having sex with an aunt or my little sister or cousin, and I mean, I've had like wet dreams of having sex with my aunt and...

1:00:22 Drew Did somebody have sex?

1:00:23 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

1:00:25 Drew Did somebody have sex with you when you were a little kid?

1:00:27 Caller Well, here's the thing. When I was 12, I had a cousin that was 11, and I was introduced to her maybe a year before, and she called me one day and said that she was into me, regardless of whether we were family or not. And one day we went over to my cousin's in my house, and I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I began fondling with her, and she awoke. To my account, she was on, what I later found out, she was on her period, and there was no intercourse. But if she hadn't been on her period, I think we would have had.

1:01:07 Drew Okay. That doesn't make you a murderer, right?

1:01:10 Adam I'd give her all blood.

1:01:12 Caller I don't know. I mean, I tried to suppress the thought, like the happening and all that, and I mean, it just keeps reoccurring.

1:01:19 Drew Why don't you get some help with this?

1:01:21 Caller Yeah. I don't know, man.

1:01:22 Adam Well, that's the plan. Well, listen. Yeah. You know, these are disturbing thoughts. They're haunting you. I don't think you're going to act on them. But even if you do or don't act on them, the point is, is why should you be haunted this way? Why should you go through life tormented this way?

1:01:41 Drew Get help with that or also don't you want to protect your family against the possibility that you could do something?

1:01:47 Caller I mean, well, I'm kind of scared.

1:01:49 Adam All right. You got to get some help. You got to get some counseling.

1:01:53 Caller Yeah.

1:01:54 Adam Do you go to school? Do you work? What do you do?

1:01:56 Caller I graduated about two months ago. So.

1:02:00 Adam Yeah. Another thing is you just sound pretty depressed.

1:02:03 Caller Yeah. I mean.

1:02:03 Adam Do you have anything you like to do in life besides to kill family members? Any other hobbies?

1:02:09 Mathew Lillard We got to get you a PlayStation 2, bro. There's things to do out there that are fun.

1:02:14 Adam Matthew. I answered everything. I said PlayStation 2.

1:02:16 Mathew Lillard PlayStation 2.

1:02:19 Well.

1:02:20 Adam And look. Do you have any friends?

1:02:22 Caller I'm not very social. I don't have an extremely lively social.

1:02:27 Adam Yeah.

1:02:27 Drew Do you have any friends?

1:02:29 Caller I have friends. Yeah.

1:02:29 Drew OK.

1:02:30 Adam Well, why don't you connect with those friends? I mean, you're an 18 year old guy. Get a girlfriend. Hang out with your buddies. Get a job. Do you have a job?

1:02:40 Caller Well, no, not, not.

1:02:42 Adam OK. Let me be honest with you, Antoine, being 18 sucks. I mean, Drew and I have this discussion all the time. The guys that are, you know, heading out of high school and straight into college, they got something to do. And the guys that are trying to, you know, start a band and everything, they got stuff to do. And then there's the rest of us who just graduate high school and float around depressed looking for a job that's going to suck. The only job you're going to get is going to suck, but you got to fight through it. You got to get a job. You got to start hanging out with your friends. You got to meet some chicks. You got to drink some beer at the park. And you got to get a little counseling to deal with these feelings that are going to potentially screw up your life and other family members' lives. It's, he's depressed.

1:03:24 Drew Mm-hmm, among other things.

1:03:25 Adam Gen X. Let me, one more quick one. I know this sounds right. Antoine.

1:03:29 Drew Yes.

1:03:30 Adam You need to start disciplining yourself. You need to get up in the morning. You need to like jog three miles. You need to start motivating yourself. You into any kind of sports or exercise or anything like that?

1:03:43 Caller Well, about two years ago, I used to run track and field. I was pretty heavy in sports and things like that.

1:03:49 Adam You need to start getting back into that. You need to like take walks at the park and listen to classical music and do pushups.

1:03:58 Caller You know, I try to like subside the thoughts, but they always reoccur. I mean, I try my hardest.

1:04:03 Adam All right, then you got to get some help. You got to get some therapy.

1:04:07 Mathew Lillard I'm a big fan of this whole theory of if your life sucks where you are, go somewhere else. There are 49 other states. Go and find something else to do.

1:04:15 Adam Right. And there's other people to kill, perhaps even strangers. Antoine is scaring me a little bit. Drew's going nuts because he's got, what, call the hospital?

1:04:25 Drew Yeah. And Antoine's making me nuts a little bit.

1:04:27 Adam Well, which is it? But it's mainly the hospital.

1:04:29 Drew No, it's actually trying to decide what to do with Antoine.

1:04:32 Adam Yeah. Well, tell me, tell Antoine to hang on a second. Antoine?

1:04:36 Caller Yes.

1:04:37 Adam What do you want to do with Antoine? Antoine, you're not going to do anything stupid, are you?

1:04:41 Caller Well, no.

1:04:42 Caller All right.

1:04:43 Adam OK. Look, you're depressed, buddy, and you got to fight through it. You can't give in to it by doing drugs and killing your family.

1:04:51 Drew Yeah.

1:04:51 Caller You know, I've had suicidal thoughts and things of that nature.

1:04:55 Adam Well, that's given in to it, too. You got to get some help. You might need some medication.

1:05:00 Drew And you don't have to suffer these feelings.

1:05:02 Adam Now, where should he go? What should he do, Drew? Send him a direction.

1:05:07 Drew Do you have any insurance, health insurance?

1:05:11 Caller I don't think so. I can try to ask my mom, but my mom doesn't think I have a problem. I mean, I've had to talk to her about the pain.

1:05:17 Drew That's part of the problem, though. Do you have a doctor?

1:05:21 Caller No.

1:05:23 Drew Could you go to a health care facility? Would you know where to go?

1:05:26 Caller Well, anything to kind of, you know, guide me along the right path. I'm more than willing to do it.

1:05:32 Adam Talk to your mom. Tell her you're having a lot of negative thoughts. Leave out the part about killing her and effing your nephews, but tell her you're really having some serious, depressive thoughts and you just want to talk to somebody.

1:05:44 Drew You're just having trouble motivating. You just go to the county facility, go to one of the university facilities, talk to mental health services there and they will help you.

1:05:51 Adam Right. And I don't want to disagree with our guest, Matthew, but please stay in Detroit. Don't come out here to LA. Thanks, wise guy. Yeah, come on out. Bring the snake knife.

1:06:01 Caller As long as we're cool.

1:06:02 Adam We'll take a break. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody. Yeah, Loveline. Now, Adam, there's Drew, Mathew.

1:06:13 Caller Oh, Christ.

1:06:15 Adam Matthew Lillard is our guest tonight. Summer Catch is the name of his latest joint, which is out in the theaters. As we speak, he plays a catcher. You know, you know, what a cool invention is the they have these pads that go on the heels of the catcher now.

1:06:33 Drew I know. Yeah, they're called knee savers.

1:06:35 Mathew Lillard Knee savers.

1:06:35 Adam You can kind of rest a little bit while you're squatted down there.

1:06:37 Drew The eight year old, seven year old are using them.

1:06:39 Adam Smart.

1:06:40 Mathew Lillard I didn't like them.

1:06:41 Adam Oh, did you try them?

1:06:42 Mathew Lillard Yeah, I thought they were awkward.

1:06:43 Drew Felt weird?

1:06:44 Mathew Lillard I went old school.

1:06:45 Adam Yeah, the other thing that happened too with catching is the catcher's mask has not changed in about 75 years. And then all of a sudden, the last couple of years, they have that integrated sort of helmet mask thing that seems about 10 pounds lighter and a lot better. Catcher's masks, the old ones, heavy as hell. You ever wear one of those things? Yank your head off. Yeah, a bunch of deal. And I always like it. I like it in Little League when the guys throw, they're doing the pros, but the Little League is even funnier. They throw the mask off every time the guy fouls a ball, even if it's nowhere near play. Poor guy's got to go get his mask, put it back on. Then it's like the guy foul tips an extra, the mask goes flying off. Then a guy tries to steal the mask. It's like the constant mask flying. I think guys get into catching cause they love that move.

1:07:30 Mathew Lillard Boys, you got all that gear.

1:07:32 Adam But there's something so cool about throwing that mask, whipping that mask off and popping up. Even though the ball goes 18, 20 rows deep into the stands, that mask has been thrown and you're running. Hey, Drew. Hey, Adam.

1:07:48 Drew What's going on?

1:07:49 Adam Yes, Adam.

1:07:49 Drew Buddy, what's up?

1:07:50 Adam Is there any rule that says you can't? I like to have an extra mitt. There's nothing worse. Catching a pop fly, the catcher's mitt is like using a throw pillow to catch a ball. You have to sort of position it under it and hope it lands in the middle. Could you have another mitt that you have?

1:08:08 Drew Just throw off the catcher's mitt and get a fielders' mitt on?

1:08:10 Adam Well, one of those pop flies is hit so incredibly high that you literally have six, eight seconds sometimes with that ball in the air. You could easily toss on another mitt.

1:08:22 Mathew Lillard Like a little holster on your side?

1:08:24 Adam Yeah, just like the mitt that the shortstop uses. You could toss that on, plate to plate. They're always dropping the ball at the plate. They have to use the other hand to like cup it in. There's a rule that says you can't go out with another mitt.

1:08:38 Mathew Lillard Probably.

1:08:39 Drew Cut the rule of common sense.

1:08:40 Mathew Lillard Definitely.

1:08:41 Adam Plate to plate, Drew. You'd sure like to have that. How many times have you seen the ball pop out at the plate? Almost every time. Even at the pro level, they have trouble fielding that one hopper.

1:08:50 Mathew Lillard Because there's a 210-pound guy smashing into you.

1:08:53 Adam But the catcher mitt has a web, but not much of a web. So they take the one hopper, they whip around to try to tag the guy, but they have to cradle it with the other hand at the same time and the ball gets away from him. You put that shortstop mitt on, I bet you get the tag. I'm going to look into this, Drew. Two mitts. This is almost as good as Jimmy's fat guy goalie hockey idea where you take the morbidly obese guy.

1:09:19 Drew Just park him in front of the goal.

1:09:21 Adam You have one of these guys you see on Geraldo being carved out of his building. You know where they have to take the window out of the building and use a cherry picker to get him out? Take this guy, weighs, you know, 1100 pounds.

1:09:31 Drew Park him.

1:09:32 Adam And just park his ass.

1:09:34 Mathew Lillard Just float him on the ice.

1:09:37 Adam Slide him. Yeah, use like a forklift. Drop him. And, you know, just put the full padding on him. Just lay him down and fill up that whole goddamn net.

1:09:46 Mathew Lillard Just turn him backwards.

1:09:48 Adam Yeah, just have him sit there.

1:09:49 Mathew Lillard Pass out.

1:09:49 Adam Give him a sandwich. Let him relax. You know, they have the little thing of Gatorade, the water squeeze thing up on top of it.

1:09:56 Drew Has he tried this yet?

1:09:56 Adam Put like a six foot sub up there for him to munch on during the game. I don't think there's anything in the rule book that says a goalie can only weigh up to 200 pounds or 250 pounds. I think there's a goal thing. You know, so it's my favorite part of every movie where an animal plays on the team, where the monkey is playing cornerback for the Detroit Lions.

1:10:19 Drew All right, guys, there's nothing in the rule book that says the monkey can't play football.

1:10:23 Adam Thank you. The opposing coach comes running out and says, a mule cannot kick field goals. And the umpire of the ref yells at him. There is nothing. He has to book on him, which is always funny, too, because you never see the guy with the actual rule book, and he's pointing at it. And I'm not sure what he's pointing at, because there's nothing in there. And by the way, it must take you a while to read through, like, 150 pages of rules to find that there's nothing. There's nothing in this book that says a mule with a Yugoslavian owner cannot kick field goals at the pro level.

1:10:57 So play ball. So play ball.

1:11:02 Adam There's nothing in there that says a quarterback can't use a rocket-propelled hang glider to go over the defensive field. But I imagine it would not be allowed. A mule's kicking field goals. There's nothing in the rule book. Tina, must have been great writing comedy back then, or just writing in general. Jesus, Frank, how's a mule going to get? There's use the old year. Use the rule book thing. There's nothing in it. Smart. That's why you get the big bucks, Frank. Tina?

1:11:30 Caller Yes.

1:11:31 Adam You're 19?

1:11:32 Caller Yeah.

1:11:32 Adam You know, there's nothing in the rule book that says a mule can't kick field goals.

1:11:37 Drew Or that dog can't play soccer or football or basketball. What's up?

1:11:40 Caller Hi. How are you guys tonight?

1:11:42 Adam Good.

1:11:43 Caller Good. I don't know. Okay. I'm just very... Okay. I've been with my wife for like two years. Okay. And I've been with a couple of other guys before that. And I really never enjoyed sex until him. But still, I can't have an orgasm. And I'm just not very like wet ever. And he thinks that I just... I'm not... Like I don't want him. And it's not bad.

1:12:07 Drew You okay? I have a little seizure there.

1:12:10 Adam Yeah.

1:12:11 Drew I'm sorry.

1:12:11 Adam It was like a hiccup slash belt.

1:12:13 Drew Well, as usual, guys take everything as it is. I know.

1:12:15 Caller And he thinks it's him. And I'm like, it's not you.

1:12:18 Drew I feel really bad. No, but it kind of is him. But be honest with me, you want any medication?

1:12:22 Caller No.

1:12:24 Drew Adam, you want any medication?

1:12:25 Adam No.

1:12:26 Caller Well, no, because I was taking him with control, but I'm off right now.

1:12:28 Adam Does he go down on you?

1:12:30 Caller Yeah. See, I'm really not into all that either. I mean, I just feel really uncomfortable with it.

1:12:35 Drew All right.

1:12:35 Caller Well, there you go.

1:12:36 Adam There's your answer.

1:12:37 Caller I let him. I let him.

1:12:39 Drew We understand, but you're not comfortable with it.

1:12:40 Adam I let a chick blow me once. Big mistake. Big mistake. I'll never let it happen.

1:12:43 Drew Well, you were so uncomfortable with it.

1:12:45 Adam I let her do it. She was bugging me. So I said, fine, try it. It just didn't work out. I want to be with him.

1:12:50 Caller Never again. Sometimes it's all right, but poor thing has been like everything you can possibly imagine and try.

1:12:56 Drew Good for him. But you're not into it. Maybe this is just something you're not into at this point in your life.

1:13:02 Caller Well, I really enjoy it having sex with him, but sometimes it'll get really intense and I'll back up.

1:13:13 Adam Anything we need to know about?

1:13:15 Caller I don't believe so.

1:13:18 Mathew Lillard What did she say? I don't believe so.

1:13:21 Adam When did you lose your virginity?

1:13:23 Caller I was 17.

1:13:24 Adam All right. Anything bad or weird? Any daddy, abusey?

1:13:27 Caller Probably, yeah.

1:13:28 Adam Funky father. Who did that?

1:13:31 Caller My stepdad.

1:13:32 Adam What did he do?

1:13:33 Caller Well, I went through a lot of things, not consistently, but it happened since I was little.

1:13:41 Mathew Lillard That seems pretty consistent.

1:13:43 Caller No, it happened when I was little and then that until a couple of years later. I told my mom about it probably like this past year and she's kind of like trying not to, she believes me, but she doesn't believe me.

1:13:56 Drew What happened?

1:13:57 Adam She believes you, but she just doesn't want to deal with it.

1:13:59 Caller Yeah, she just kind of like labeled it. He didn't molest me. He's been a molester. He kind of just invaded my privacy kind of thing.

1:14:05 Drew He's been a molester?

1:14:07 Caller No, no, she said he's not, but he just invaded my privacy.

1:14:11 Drew What did he do?

1:14:12 Caller Well, I remember a couple of things, like when we went on a family trip, we all slept in the same bed when I was probably like 12, and he tried to put his hand up my shirt. I was sleeping and I woke up and touched my chest, and I pretended I was sleeping, kind of put my arm underneath so he couldn't, but he kind of moved my hand out of the way.

1:14:36 Adam Was your mom in bed too?

1:14:37 Caller Yeah, she was sleeping.

1:14:38 Drew I wonder if he just sort of thought he was.

1:14:40 Caller We were like at my family's house and we were all like in the room.

1:14:47 Adam Okay, so what else? Well, listen, you're calling from Riverside, right?

1:14:53 Caller Yeah.

1:14:53 Adam So you got problems. Look, let's be honest. Anyone who calls from Riverside or Bakersfield is F'd, and there's big trouble.

1:15:01 Caller I'm not in that deep of a group.

1:15:02 Adam No, look, this guy's... hold on. You were living with a guy, this guy's been your stepdad for how many years?

1:15:08 Caller Since I was two.

1:15:09 Adam Right, and the guy's inappropriate and you're freaked out a little bit.

1:15:13 Drew Yeah, it's sort of a tough time.

1:15:14 Caller He just makes me very uncomfortable, and I don't want to get to touch him because it makes me sick to my stomach.

1:15:18 Drew I think that's where your feelings about men are sort of stymied right now.

1:15:22 Caller Yeah, I don't know, he's kind of weird. My friends feel it too sometimes, and even my boyfriend, I remember one time we were at the river, and I was going into...

1:15:29 Caller The river. The river.

1:15:32 Mathew Lillard He's dirty. Your stepdad's dirty.

1:15:35 Drew No, this was her boyfriend.

1:15:36 Caller It was a whole family trip, okay? My boyfriend was in the boat, and I was like, laying over to get something, and I guess my dad was looking at me, my boyfriend gave me a towel to put on myself because he didn't like the way my dad was looking at me.

1:15:46 Adam Yeah.

1:15:47 Caller Okay, by the way. That's a little...

1:15:48 Adam Hey, Tina, there's energy here. There's issues, your dad's an idiot, your mom's kind of in denial.

1:15:54 Caller She's a very not strong person.

1:15:56 Adam Well, she's stupid is what she is, and you have that for a mom.

1:16:00 Caller Well, you know, I moved out in my home.

1:16:02 Adam Good.

1:16:02 Caller All right. I kind of moved back in because it was really expensive.

1:16:05 Adam In Riverside, they pay you to live in Riverside. I get flyers every day. Please move to Riverside. We'll pay any family, a family of two, two kids would pay 850 a month, single guys would pay 700, and single women get 1200 a month.

1:16:18 Drew They'll work that mission in. They have like armies of young people working there.

1:16:21 Caller I don't move that far in even Riverside.

1:16:22 Adam Look, look, you move out of that house. Do you hear me?

1:16:26 Caller See, this is what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to save my money right now because we're going to get married soon.

1:16:31 Adam No, no, no. No, listen, listen.

1:16:35 Caller No, no, no, no.

1:16:37 Mathew Lillard Because going, there's so much more to life than marriage at 19.

1:16:41 Drew Just look at the statistics. Just, hey, look at this data on 20-year-old marriages. It's like 0% survival of the marriage.

1:16:48 Mathew Lillard You're 19, you think you know. You don't know. Am I right? I mean, so much of the world is still there.

1:16:54 Adam No, you gotta screw ball stepdad.

1:16:55 I'm going to school.

1:16:57 Caller Good. I've been working since I was 16.

1:16:59 Mathew Lillard Good job. You're not a loser. You're just surrounded by losers.

1:17:02 Adam Tina, get out of that house.

1:17:05 Caller I already was.

1:17:06 Mathew Lillard Well, then keep going. How could you go back?

1:17:09 Adam I know you was.

1:17:09 Drew Like an alcoholic saying, I was not drinking then. Huh?

1:17:13 Adam Listen, you're back in the house. Your stepdad's an idiot.

1:17:16 Caller Oh, I just don't associate with him. He tries to talk to me and I don't.

1:17:20 Mathew Lillard But he's got a webcam in your room. I guarantee it. The guy's a weirdo. He's a whack job. Get out.

1:17:26 Adam Get out of that house.

1:17:29 Mathew Lillard I'm telling you what, if you get out, ends meet. It will all work out if you just get out.

1:17:34 Drew Move deeper into Riverside. Move deeper into Riverside. Get near that mission inn.

1:17:39 Adam You know why Riverside is such a dump? It's got the word river right in it. And the thing about the river is it is a white trash. White trash loves that goddamn river.

1:17:51 Mathew Lillard I want to go so bad.

1:17:52 Drew What does that say about Matthew?

1:17:54 Mathew Lillard I have white trash in my blood.

1:17:55 Adam No, he's never been.

1:17:58 Drew He's so white and so trashy, he's got it so bad when he goes. He's got it so longing for that river, it's calling to him in his dreams.

1:18:04 Adam The thing about the river, the lake back ends sort of whitish trash, sort of beige trash, you know. But the river is albino trash. That's who goes to the river. And when they're not at the river, they just talk about the river.

1:18:25 Mathew Lillard The river is dirty.

1:18:27 Adam We're going to get ourselves a case of Schlitz or maybe some Pabst tall boys. I just put a lift kit on the Dodge. I got a Kerkker pipe for the jet ski. I know I owe some money in back payment and child support, but I figured let's put it into the jet ski and we're going down to the river.

1:18:45 Mathew Lillard I got this whole box of beads. Show your boobies.

1:18:50 Adam All right, listen, Tina, get step dad. You know what? These kind of guys, by the way, the step dad kind of guy, in a way, are even more disturbing to me than just a molester. The molester guy I look at is a guy who almost has a disease and it's like, okay, that's his thing. Pedophile, molester, sicko guy. The guy who's sort of like, yeah, I'm a normal dude, but my step daughter's a piece of ass.

1:19:17 Drew Sinister.

1:19:18 Adam Kind of her fault for growing them boobies at 12. So, yeah, sure, I'm not going to do anything stupid, but you put me in the same bed with her, I'm going to cop a feel. Now, meanwhile, this girl then, imagine growing up in this environment where you got this shady, weird dude, this sinister guy who's plotting around the house. Your mom is numb and all this stuff goes completely goes completely overhead and you feel like you can't confide in your mom because she won't believe you and will freak her out. And you can't, so you're creeping around and each time you get out of the shower, you have to bundle up like an Eskimo and then take a peek down the hall to make sure this jack-off doesn't have a couple of beers in him, and it's not going to try to lift the back of your robe up. Guys like this, just kill yourself, you idiots, you selfish retards. Just put a god damn gun in your mouth and take your head off. You all have guns, I know you do. Just take your head off, please. You're trash, you're human excrement, you really are. Just kill yourselves, you weirdos. Just hey, you ball-less fags, just kill yourselves, would you? Kill yourself, you guys are trying to grab a piece of your stepdaughter, ruining her life. Now she's all freaked out, can't have an orgasm. She's going to marry some idiot like you and then he's going to have a go at her kids. Just kill yourselves right now and we can end this. Have some dignity. Do the one brave thing you may have done in your life, is just take your own head off with a shotgun. Just put your big toe right on the trigger, take that white trash head off. Would you please, guys?

1:20:54 Drew Alright, alright, alright.

1:20:55 Adam Please. And you idiot moms who are out there bringing these wolves into the chicken coop, you guys, you should just kill yourselves too. Don't blow your head off, just OD. Just stop the cycle, would you? Down to the river. Please.

1:21:13 Caller Break. What?

1:21:13 Adam Okay. Drew, what do you think, seriously? If someone paid you a million dollars, where would you? Bakersfield, Riverside or Hell?

1:21:24 Drew Ooh, Hell might be interesting.

1:21:26 Adam One week.

1:21:27 Drew Hell could be at least a cultural experience by comparison.

1:21:29 Mathew Lillard Come on, Riverside's not that bad.

1:21:31 Adam Listen, I'd like five grand to fly over Riverside in a Learjet just to actually be in that airspace.

1:21:38 Drew You're quite a mood tonight.

1:21:39 Adam Can't be as bad as Bakersfield. Nothing's worse than Bakersfield.

1:21:42 Drew Oh, you just drove through Fontana last week.

1:21:43 Caller Oh, what a dump.

1:21:45 Adam Dump. I drove through Fontana. I just drive with my head on a swivel thinking, what the F are you people living here for? What are you living here? Get out. Get out. Move, everybody. Everyone move. Not here. No, go to Mexico. I'm going to Canada. And we'll take a little break.

1:22:05 Caller We'll be back.

1:22:12 Adam Hey, everyone. It's Loveline. Drew was telling me how the gays were going to take over the world during the break.

1:22:19 Drew Would you be happy?

1:22:20 Adam Yeah, I would.

1:22:22 Drew Wouldn't that be a utopia?

1:22:23 Adam I love the gays. I really do. I consider myself an honorary gay and...

1:22:30 Drew Were you made one?

1:22:32 Adam No, I was not made one, but I'm looking forward to it.

1:22:35 Drew I see.

1:22:36 Adam You know how it is when like the Yankees win the World Series, they go to the White House and then Clint puts the hat on and the jacket and they make them look like an honorary team. I'm that way with the gays. I'm a big gay fan. I love the gays.

1:22:48 Mathew Lillard Gay supporter, Adam Corolla.

1:22:50 Adam They recycle. These people do. They don't overpopulate.

1:22:54 Mathew Lillard They rarely beat the crap out of each other.

1:22:56 Adam No. They're very, very gentle people and their lawns are always finely manicured. They always, whatever-

1:23:03 Mathew Lillard Dress nice.

1:23:05 Adam Whatever neighborhood the gays move in, the dollar, the real estate goes right up.

1:23:10 Mathew Lillard Excellent hygiene.

1:23:11 Adam Amazing hygiene. They're the only guys who exfoliate, like regularly. You ever see like gay guy's skin's like, the guy, it's like his skin is winking at me. It looks like, you know in a cartoon when the guy buys a new car and it goes ping and there's like little things. Guys, gay guys are like that and they're like, how old is that dude?

1:23:29 Caller He's 47.

1:23:30 Adam Jesus Christ, he looks brand new. It looks like he just got scrubbed down. Washboard abs and a skin that glows and it's like, yeah, you got it. You got it. Being gay is like being a chick. You got to keep in shape.

1:23:43 Drew Well, because you're dealing with men.

1:23:44 Adam You're dealing with men. Yeah, you can't let yourself go.

1:23:49 Mathew Lillard I had this theory that gay men have excellent bodies to show because the health is such an issue in the gay population with the AIDS epidemic.

1:23:56 Drew No, it's not a bad theory because men like visual and they're dealing with men.

1:24:02 Mathew Lillard Right.

1:24:02 Adam Yeah, so gay guys are dealing with guys.

1:24:04 Mathew Lillard How do you explain the American bear theory?

1:24:07 Adam Well, there are also, there is a certain group in every sexual population that's just there for the deviant crap.

1:24:14 Mathew Lillard The deviant quality.

1:24:15 Adam American bear is a fat, hairy guy. They've been trying to get Jimmy to pose for years.

1:24:19 Drew No.

1:24:20 Caller No.

1:24:21 Mathew Lillard Celebrity centerfold. Celebrity skin.

1:24:24 Adam No.

1:24:24 Mathew Lillard See me as a sports guy.

1:24:26 Adam He's in a celebrity fur. They had Ed Asner, Robin Williams and now they're looking for Jimmy Kimmel.

1:24:33 Caller That's terrible.

1:24:36 Drew Where's the vomit sound?

1:24:38 Adam There's a great, it's a great gay magazine. It's just a fat, hairy, biker looking dude. Yeah.

1:24:45 Drew Oh, Gina must be moved.

1:24:47 Adam No, I don't know if there's been any formal offers. I think he's in negotiations. He can't talk about it. Yeah.

1:24:52 Drew How much are they going to pay him? I can't talk about it.

1:24:56 Adam He's not doing it for the money. He's doing it for the art. He wants a tasteful layout where he's spread out on a drop cloth with covered potato chips. Just hairy ass hanging out.

1:25:06 Mathew Lillard Driving an 18 wheeler.

1:25:11 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

1:25:13 Mathew Lillard Nice.

1:25:16 Adam John?

1:25:16 Yes.

1:25:17 Adam You're 29?

1:25:18 Caller I am.

1:25:19 Adam What's up?

1:25:20 Caller How are you doing, guys? Good. OK. So I've been seeing this very close friend of mine for about five years. Actually, we've known each other for 10. We've been seeing each other in a sort of a social circle. Everybody's got the same friends. We're very close. All of our friends say, you guys should be married. I care for her a great deal. When I ask her about the subject of marriage, she gets a little iffy about needing her career and getting sort of her life in order. Doesn't want to do it till after 30. She's a couple of years younger than me. You know, I see myself being with her, you know, going forward.

1:25:54 Drew Well, I don't think she sees herself with you, though, because somebody's not into this or would be going forward.

1:26:00 Caller But we've been semi-infinite and haven't had sex.

1:26:03 Mathew Lillard No, no sex after five years. Game over, GioGio.

1:26:06 Adam Is she single?

1:26:08 Caller She is.

1:26:09 Adam Yeah, here's the sad-

1:26:11 Caller She's not even dating. She's not even dating.

1:26:13 Drew Is she gay or something too, maybe?

1:26:14 Adam Lesbian?

1:26:16 Caller Hmm, maybe bi.

1:26:18 Drew Maybe.

1:26:18 Caller I don't think so.

1:26:19 Adam She's very-

1:26:20 Mathew Lillard We want her to be bi, but she's gay.

1:26:22 Caller I think she's experimented and it didn't go well for her, so she's-

1:26:26 Adam Right.

1:26:27 Drew Was she in a relationship?

1:26:28 Adam She got squirted. That happened to me once.

1:26:29 Drew Was she in a relationship with a woman for a while?

1:26:32 Adam No, just, you know, just for a test of the water, didn't go well.

1:26:35 Drew All right.

1:26:36 Adam Hey, John.

1:26:37 Drew Yes.

1:26:37 Adam Let me give you some sobering news here. You've known this girl for 10 years.

1:26:43 Drew Five years.

1:26:44 Adam Ten.

1:26:44 Mathew Lillard They've been going on for five.

1:26:45 Caller They've been very close for five. We've known for 10. Yeah, that's right.

1:26:47 Adam Thank you, Drew.

1:26:48 Drew Sorry.

1:26:49 Adam For once, you just throw something while I'm talking and break the glass or something. It would be less distressing. Thank you. All right. Ten years. Five years you've been close. You've been dating for those five years or what have you been doing for those five years?

1:27:02 Caller Well, we spend time alone.

1:27:04 Adam No, no. Listen, what kind of fantasy land are you living in, John?

1:27:09 Caller Probably a big one.

1:27:10 Adam Okay. Thank you. I really do love your honesty. She's not into you that way. She now this happens and you know what happens once in a while with women and with men. It's like they know they should be into you. Their friends say they should be into you and they should be into you, but they're not. Yeah. And it's like, you know, if you pinned her down, she'd probably say, I wish I was into you and I should be, but I'm not.

1:27:36 Drew These are the kind of things that make awful marriages too. People like who are gay trying to be straight. It's that kind of thing. They're trying to be something they're not.

1:27:43 Adam It's happened with Drew's first marriage.

1:27:45 Mathew Lillard You're a nice guy. She doesn't want to hurt your feelings. You're friends. Everyone's friends. She doesn't want to screw that up.

1:27:50 Adam And meanwhile, you're sort of obsessing and essentially putting your life on hold, your social life at least, waiting for something to happen that's not really happening.

1:28:00 Caller Here's the funny thing. When I go to try to date and I have, like I'm trying to go move on.

1:28:05 Drew You think about her all the time.

1:28:06 Caller I start getting that vibe from her like, wait a minute, I thought we had something.

1:28:10 Adam Well, she's manipulating a little, she's insecure.

1:28:14 Drew She's not a good person then.

1:28:15 Adam And she's putting her life on hold and your life on hold. And this whole, all the discussion about career and kids and whatever, school commitment, whatever. You guys could, if she was into you, you'd be hanging out. I mean, you'd be together, you'd be getting it on. You'd be boyfriend and girlfriend and you get married in five years. John, you got to start dating, find other people. Hey, if it's a rude awakening for her, fine. Meanwhile, you get on with your life.

1:28:44 Drew She's got some stuff going on.

1:28:45 Adam She's got stuff going on and John is trying to save her. They don't have anything going on.

1:28:50 Drew That's right.

1:28:50 Adam They're not doing anything.

1:28:51 Drew But that's kind of what they both want.

1:28:52 Adam Wait a minute, John.

1:28:54 Caller Yeah.

1:28:54 Adam Have you ever kissed her?

1:28:57 Caller Oh, yeah. I mean, like I said, we've done third base. Talk about a pickle between home and third base.

1:29:04 Adam When was the last time that happened?

1:29:06 Caller Last week.

1:29:07 Adam All right.

1:29:08 Mathew Lillard Yeah, but that's... I don't know. She's just playing you, bro. You're getting played. I'll tell you, the best thing to happen, go get yourself a real girlfriend.

1:29:16 Adam Right.

1:29:17 Mathew Lillard And watch how fast she goes away.

1:29:18 Adam Speaking of third base, Summer Catch Come out in theaters.

1:29:22 Drew Good time.

1:29:23 Adam Yeah, it's good. Good transition there.

1:29:25 Mathew Lillard I guess I'll move it.

1:29:26 Drew Ever heard him do Shaggy?

1:29:30 Mathew Lillard It's getting worse, progressively worse as the night goes on.

1:29:34 Adam It's great. Yeah, thanks. Jessica 16.

1:29:39 Caller Hi, I just want to say, Matthew, I love you and I love SLC Punk. I think it was a great movie. I was just wondering, I've been having sex for about 10 months now. And the first guy I was with, I really thought we had something special. And it was like a six-month relationship. And my mom knew we were serious, but I don't think she knew we were having sex. And then now I'm with this other guy, and I've known him for about two years, and we just started dating. But like I have a hard time like looking her in the eye. Like I feel like she knows that I'm having sex or that she will know. And I was just wondering if it's a good idea to tell her and how I would go about it.

1:30:17 Adam Well, looking her in the eye when you're talking about sex?

1:30:20 Caller No, just when I'm talking to her in general.

1:30:22 Adam Just about anything you can look her in the eye?

1:30:24 Caller Yeah.

1:30:24 Adam Well, you got to get over that.

1:30:25 Caller I know.

1:30:27 Drew I kind of like that though, because it means she really wants to have an open relationship with her mom and just can't quite bring herself to it.

1:30:32 Caller Like me and my mom, we have a pretty open relationship about everything else.

1:30:36 Drew Can you ever spend a weekend with your mom alone? Just kind of diken off?

1:30:40 Caller Like we used to, except for the fact that she just got married again.

1:30:45 Caller And it's her third marriage.

1:30:48 Adam Yeah, you want to talk to her. What's your mom into? What does she do, real estate?

1:30:52 Caller No, she has an office job.

1:30:55 Adam Why are all real estate women nuts?

1:30:58 Caller I agree with you about the whole ex-stepdad's killing each other. I mean killing them and each other.

1:31:03 Drew What happened to you, Jessica?

1:31:04 Caller Well, my mom's second marriage, he was pretty much an asshole. All right.

1:31:08 Drew Well, she brought, I don't know.

1:31:10 Adam And what did the stepdad do to you?

1:31:12 Caller Pretty much everything that's ex.

1:31:14 Caller All right.

1:31:15 Mathew Lillard I call the cops on this guy. This guy is just...

1:31:18 Caller I know. See, the thing is, it's like my mom called CPS. Yeah. She divorced him right away when I told her. Good. Good.

1:31:26 Caller Good for her.

1:31:27 Caller Yeah. I was very proud of her.

1:31:28 Caller Good one for mom.

1:31:30 Caller But the thing is, she didn't press charges because the thing is, I would have had to go to court and be in the same room with them.

1:31:35 Adam Right.

1:31:36 Caller And I was so scared.

1:31:37 Drew Right. That was okay. That's all right.

1:31:39 Adam How long did that go on for, by the way?

1:31:41 Caller Since I was probably about seven, up until about seventh grade.

1:31:44 Mathew Lillard Well, see, that's why you can't look at your mom in the face. There's issues there so much deeper.

1:31:49 Caller I'm fine except for until I started having sex.

1:31:51 Drew You know what? You just need to spend more time around your mom. Just spend a little time with her. That's about all the only advice I give you. What would be the idea to tell her, though?

1:31:58 Caller Like, I'm thinking about telling her about the other guy and then not telling her about my current boyfriend.

1:32:02 Adam Yeah, tell her about the... Always be one guy behind.

1:32:07 Drew See if she gives you opportunity to be open-ended in your discussion, to be accepting of what it is you're doing. If you feel her becoming judgmental or harsh...

1:32:15 Mathew Lillard It doesn't seem like she... It seems like the relationships that's there.

1:32:19 Drew It seems like it's pretty good. We're just spending more time.

1:32:20 Adam All right, we got to take a break. Mom, letting her be sexually abused for like six years at home. Six years. Come on, Ma. We'll be back.

1:32:35 Caller Yeah.

1:32:36 Adam Loveline, everybody. I want to thank Matthew Lillard for coming out here. Always good to see Matthew.

1:32:42 Mathew Lillard Yeah.

1:32:42 Adam Yeah.

1:32:43 Mathew Lillard Where do I fall on the list of celebrity guests?

1:32:45 Drew Move up high.

1:32:46 Adam Move way up tonight.

1:32:47 Mathew Lillard Come on, right?

1:32:48 Adam Yeah.

1:32:49 Mathew Lillard I really…

1:32:49 Drew With that shaggy thing? Way up.

1:32:51 Caller Really?

1:32:52 Drew Yeah. Okay.

1:32:53 Caller Nice.

1:32:53 Mathew Lillard I can't remember the shaggy thing. Next time I come back.

1:32:56 Adam Please do, by the way, come back when the 12 ghosts…

1:33:01 Mathew Lillard 13 ghosts and finders fee. Jeff Probst.

1:33:04 Adam Oh, really?

1:33:04 Drew And Freddie Pritchett.

1:33:05 Adam And…

1:33:06 Mathew Lillard No, Freddie's not in this one.

1:33:07 Adam And Scooby Doo. Oh, when they all come out, whenever they come out, whatever order they come out, you just come back each time, give them a plug.

1:33:14 Mathew Lillard Likes.

1:33:15 Adam All right. Summer catch, everyone. Name of the movie, go out and see that. Slash in here tomorrow night. And until next time, this is Adam Crowell for Dr. Drew saying, Mahala. Just hey, hey, hey, you ball-less fags, just kill yourselves, would ya?

1:33:28 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, August 29, 2001