Episode 1000754886898

1:02 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:06 Go!

1:08 Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline.

1:11 Voiceover Coast to Coast.

1:13 Adam Hey, oh man, where are my headphones up loud? I mean, cans. Jesus Christ, what kind of maniac turns the headphones all the way up the can?

1:23 Drew Hey, it's Loveline. This is Adam Corolla, I'm Dr. Drew.

1:26 Adam What the hell's going on here? What kind of sick sort of a bitch does this?

1:30 Voiceover 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:33 Adam Jesus Christ. Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, it's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Nobody eats like Drew. You know, I talk about Drew being a passionate, passionate man. He's passionate about his food, too. That's right. He's a, he's a hungry man.

1:53 Drew Dry.

1:53 Adam Literally and figuratively. He goes after life with zest.

1:59 Drew Gusto.

2:00 Adam Gusto. He grabs onto it with both hands and rides it for all it's worth to the tune of, uh, he's, he's living, he's living life to the fullest. I'll tell you that because you know why he's scared. He's scared to slow down. Why?

2:20 Drew What happened if I slow down?

2:22 Adam Boys, demons catch up to it.

2:25 Drew Like a shark.

2:26 Adam Yeah, you got to keep swimming forward. Whereas I'm scared to move. That's the difference. We make a good team, Drew. That's how it works. You're scared to slow down, I'm scared to leave the house.

2:37 Drew Nice.

2:38 Adam All right, it's Loveline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drew, no, come on, no more eating. Eat more nuts? Okay. Unacceptable. All right. Maya? You're 24?

2:48 Caller Yes, I am.

2:49 Adam Quick, ask Drew a question so he can't eat his nuts.

2:54 Hey, Drew. I have a question.

2:58 Caller I have a question regarding stimulating my man with my finger, amily. I'm wondering how I do that. I know there's a way to stimulate the prostate.

3:09 Drew Has he asked you to do this?

3:12 He told me it would be okay.

3:13 Caller I've been kind of curious about it, but I wanted to try it.

3:15 Drew Now, let's think of this guy's mindset at that time. He doesn't want it. It would be okay.

3:23 Adam It's as if you were going to put some new curtains up in the living room. He doesn't think you need it, but if you want to do it, knock yourself out.

3:33 Drew Do you think it's that? Or is it this one of these guys that's so happy just to be with this girl, he's afraid if he says something wrong, she'll scare her away.

3:41 Adam No, he's not so happy to be with her because when you have that power exchange, she's not putting digits up the ass. She's barely letting him F her.

3:53 Drew Just showing up.

3:54 Adam Yeah.

3:55 Caller Well, it's not like I just popped it out. When I try to put my hand down there, he spreads his legs wider.

4:02 All right.

4:02 Adam Well, give it a whirl then.

4:06 So how do I do that?

4:07 Try to apply pressure towards like I'm going towards the back.

4:11 Adam Where are you right now? Are you in a bathroom?

4:13 Caller I'm in the bathroom because I didn't want the radio to make an echo.

4:16 Adam Okay.

4:17 Drew Well, couldn't turn the radio off?

4:19 I'm recording.

4:20 Adam Glad we got rid of that whole echo problem. By the way, you can record these things by just turning the volume down and leaving the recording level up, can't you? Okay.

4:30 Is this better?

4:31 Adam Much better. Put a towel over your head or put your head in a hamper or something. Okay. Go ahead and do it.

4:38 Caller Go ahead and do it. Now, how do I do this?

4:39 Drew There is no right way because this is all BS you read about in Cosmo Magazine.

4:43 Adam Well, you should use some lubrication, right?

4:46 Drew Yeah. But there's this fascination with it because the Cosmo make it sound like something extraordinary.

4:51 Adam Use some lubrication and put it up there and then where's that prostate once the finger goes up there, Drew?

4:58 Drew It's forward.

5:00 Adam We know it's forward.

5:01 Drew You want to give me the anatomy book?

5:02 Adam No.

5:03 Drew Try to describe it?

5:03 Adam No. Here's all I'm saying.

5:05 Drew It's just the fingertip. If you went to the first, second knuckle, you'd be well against it.

5:09 Adam Well against it. You don't have to go toward Mecca.

5:11 Drew You get in Mecca, you feel that you sweep the whole thing.

5:14 Adam You sweep the whole thing?

5:15 Drew Yeah.

5:15 Adam So if I just bent over in front and grab my ankles.

5:19 Drew When I do an exam, I got to go to the knuckle.

5:23 Adam You go to the third knuckle, all the way to the knuckle knuckle?

5:26 Drew The knuckle knuckle and then I sweep.

5:29 Adam You just go around, around. Would that be the most stimulating you think? Do your patients like it?

5:35 Drew No. What do you think? Does it sound good?

5:37 Adam I don't know. I got one like eight months ago.

5:40 Drew No, no, no. I mean, if somebody were to do, a woman were to do that.

5:42 Adam Oh, sweep, sweep my ass?

5:44 Drew Is it a good thing?

5:45 Adam Uh, no. Probably not.

5:47 Drew Yeah. It's ridiculous.

5:48 Adam All right. But listen.

5:49 It's equivalent of like the woman's G-spot. It's supposed to into.

5:53 Drew That is total BS, man. Please. Don't not read that crap in those magazines.

5:57 Adam Look, a guy does not love someone's finger up his ass. A guy loves the idea of someone wanting to put her finger up his ass. Do you know what I'm saying?

6:10 Drew Yes, I know what you're saying.

6:11 Adam Okay.

6:13 Drew That's a little proof that you love me and stuff.

6:16 Adam Yeah, it's a nice gesture on her part.

6:19 Drew My God, the bonobo monkeys, they greet each other that way.

6:22 Adam Is that how they do it? Yeah. Julia?

6:25 Hi.

6:25 Adam You're 17?

6:27 Caller Yeah. I've been on Selexa for about four weeks. I was just wondering how smoking weed would affect that.

6:35 Drew Basically, prevent it from working.

6:37 Oh, wow. There you go.

6:38 Adam It does? Really?

6:39 Drew Yeah. You can't smoke weed and expect to have an antidepressant work. If you're smoking that much weed, you've got a different problem, you have addiction, and that needs to be treated. To try to treat addiction with an antidepressant is a mistake also.

6:49 Adam Does it affect Selexa more than other?

6:53 Drew No. Antidepressants don't work for you to smoke in a pot basically.

6:55 Adam Really? I bet they do.

6:57 Caller And if I wasn't smoking, how long would it take the Selexa to start working? Like for me to notice it?

7:02 Drew It depends. That's hard to say. If you were engaged in treatment for your marijuana addiction, maybe two to four weeks. But if you're not engaged in treatment, you're going to feel anxious and doubtless. You're going to have all kinds of other feelings that's going to make it difficult to even assess what's going on with your Selexa.

7:18 Caller Okay. All right.

7:19 Drew Thank you.

7:20 Adam All right. Good times. Man, I popped a great zit on my shoulder today. You know that feeling? Is there anything better?

7:27 Drew Yeah, I'm sure there is.

7:28 Adam Really?

7:29 Drew Yeah.

7:29 Adam I'd like to hear it. I'd like to hear it. Not a finger in the ass, I'll tell you that.

7:34 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

7:35 Adam Now this was a great zit because it was one of those sort of discovery, lost treasure sets. You all know, you get those kind of hard ones that are on your shoulders or around your scapula there on your back. My skin is kind of tight around my shoulder, my back. There's nothing to grab on to really in that area. It's just sort of painful. But I was just taking my shirt off. I did Son of the Beach today, the Howard Stern FX show. I was in my dressing room, I was getting in my wacky costume. Big one, right on the meaty part of it. You know your underarm, right? Just above it, just a little bit on the back of the arm. Nice and fleshy and meaty in there.

8:15 Drew Deep.

8:16 Adam I grabbed hold of that thing. I was like, what have we here? When did this crop up? Then I like when you start tossing around theories. Had that red wine last night. This is what you start putting. You start, oh yeah, red meat. Yeah. Then you go, oh, shut up, you retard. You got to sit.

8:34 Drew French fries.

8:34 Adam Yeah. You shouldn't eat that fry.

8:36 I'll tell you that.

8:37 Adam You just go, all right. You got to sit. I'm looking, I'm going, this is a good one. It was a kind that made- Now, this is wonderful. Listen, I don't get too many of these good ones. I popped that thing, it made it sound like a carrot snapping. Wow. Like fresh produce, you know, pop, right on the mirror. It was great. I mean, it felt good. I mean, it's a satisfying experience. Judge if you will, but it's satisfying. Drew, back me up as a human being. That can be very satisfying.

9:09 Drew Very satisfying.

9:10 Adam Thank you. Thank you. Poor Drew wants to eat his peanuts. I keep talking to him. Mike? Yeah. Mike, you're 23. What's up?

9:19 Caller Hey, how's it going?

9:20 Adam Good.

9:20 Caller Love your guys' show.

9:21 Adam Thanks.

9:23 Caller My question is probably for Dr. Drew.

9:25 Yeah.

9:26 Caller Basically, I premature ejaculate and I always have. My question is, what kind of person do I need to see for treatment for this or what can I do to try to fix this problem?

9:39 Drew What have you tried?

9:41 Caller I haven't tried a lot. There's a technique where you try to hold it. You do that like three times.

9:48 Adam What do you mean you try to hold it?

9:50 Caller Well, like...

9:51 Adam Pinch it off?

9:52 Caller No. No. It's actually like a masturbation technique.

9:56 Yeah.

9:57 Caller Where like right before you're about to let go, you stop and then you wait until it calms down.

10:03 Then you do that again.

10:05 Drew Have you done that when you're with someone?

10:09 Caller Yeah, but not very many times. Probably like once.

10:13 Drew You can't do the three times. You do this the one time. Yeah.

10:15 Caller No, I haven't really done that when I was with somebody.

10:19 Adam How fast do you go when you're with somebody?

10:22 Caller Pretty quick. Sometimes it would be just during foreplay, like if my penis touches somebody's leg, sometimes it'll happen.

10:31 Adam I don't know why. There's two things in life that really don't have a whole lot to do with the person. They're very tragic, but they're infinitely funny. We have a green light to laugh at as a society. Fat people and guys who come too quick. And I really, I really, there's, it's a complete roll of the dice the penis mic has, you know, brushing against the chick's kneecap, as opposed to some guy who goes all night.

10:59 Drew Right.

10:59 Adam Do you know what I mean? And you see some poor kid who's a big fat mess at 15, and you see some other guy who's a skinny rail, just roll the dice.

11:07 Drew That's right. It's your clock.

11:09 Adam But yet, we got the green light to make fun of both of them.

11:12 Drew And so, Mike, this may just be you.

11:15 Adam Oh, it is.

11:16 Drew You need to find ways to manage this, really. Nothing really is going to change it. There are medications that might. The serotonin reuptake inhibiting antidepressants sometimes can delay this.

11:24 Adam Well, how about a second round? I mean, how about a third round?

11:26 Drew Or, yeah.

11:28 Caller It's usually pretty quick, the same time. The second time even, too.

11:30 Drew What about a third time?

11:32 Caller A third time might be a little bit longer.

11:35 Adam By then, he's flooded the room with semen, though.

11:37 Drew You know what I mean? Why doesn't he really figure out a way to masturbate twice before you?

11:41 Adam Drew, I don't know why, but there's something wrong with that equation where we go, well, if the first one goes too quick, just catch him on the second one. It makes sense to us as guys who have control over our penis, but for some reason it doesn't seem to work for guys who don't have control over their penis.

11:59 Drew The reason is once they get high levels of arousal, even if they're depleted, they're there. Right. And I think they have to really sort of wear themselves down further.

12:12 Adam Plus, it kind of breaks the moment a little bit for the lady.

12:17 Drew I think he needs a Corolla, what would you call it, program of regular masturbation or more frequent masturbation. So it's not that he's doing it repeatedly with her, that he just is less aroused when he gets there.

12:34 Adam Geez, I'm embarrassed. I got a movie in the mail, my porno movie I ordered.

12:41 Drew Which one?

12:43 Adam It's not important, the name. It must be.

12:46 Drew You're so embarrassed you can't even say it. It's got to be incredible.

12:50 Adam Here's the embarrassing part. It was on DVD format. Yeah. My DVD player, the little mysteriously one out, the one that was in the entertainment unit. So I pulled out that one that our producers got us for a gift a couple of years ago.

13:09 Drew The little one.

13:10 Adam Yeah, except for it's got the virtual reality goggles with it.

13:15 Drew Oh my God.

13:18 Adam That would have been a great shot.

13:19 Oh my God.

13:20 Adam That would have been- Who walked in? Nobody. But I'll tell you what a picture.

13:28 Drew You with the Star Trek glasses on.

13:33 Adam Taser in one hand.

13:35 Drew Penis in the other.

13:37 Adam I just thought, oh my God, I've just sunken down to new lows now.

13:41 Drew What do you mean? You didn't do it?

13:43 Adam Oh no.

13:47 Drew Just nobody walked in.

13:48 Adam No, but it's still just...

13:51 Drew Did it break your concentration for a second, thinking about the...

13:53 Adam With the goggles and stuff. It just, it was just a, you know, it was a mess.

14:02 Drew What was the film?

14:03 Adam I, you've never heard of it. It's nothing, nothing, you know, not even comical sounding.

14:09 Caller Who is the number one?

14:10 Adam No, it wasn't even Minka. But don't, I don't want to talk about it because I want Minka to hear me talking about that and get jealous, come over here. Knock me over with one of her Triple E cans. Who is the number one? Mike? Yeah. You're 23?

14:26 Caller Yeah, you just talked to me.

14:28 Adam Oh, we just talked to mom, sorry. Yeah, yeah, you got a premature problem. I don't know. Try those drugs. Yeah. And try that, you know, Ron Jeremy, the porn star was in here a few weeks back and he just basically said, although I don't know if this advice works for guys who bust a nut when their penis brushes up against the comforter on climbing onto the bed, but he said a couple of strokes and stop if you feel like something's happening. Sort of like, you know when you got a heave in someone's nice car driving home from a party? You're kind of like, okay, drive, drive, drive, drive, open the window. Then you'll like slow down and go, hold on, hold on, hold on. You'll put your head out. You'll be like, okay, let's keep going. You got to kind of do that, don't you? I mean, I don't know. You don't pee on yourself when you got to go to the bathroom and you're taking a car drive. I mean, just, okay. But you know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying.

15:27 Drew Flip around the channels, found the weakest link a couple days ago. Ron Jeremy and the Weakest Link.

15:30 Adam Saw him on that.

15:31 Drew What is that?

15:32 Adam They were having, they were like degenerates.

15:35 Drew Yeah.

15:36 Adam They had like madams and Ron Jeremy and the guy who.

15:40 Drew Corey Feldman and.

15:41 Caller What are you talking about Ron Jeremy? Ron Jeremy has a master's degree in education.

15:46 Drew Yes, he does.

15:47 Caller You're talking about Ron Jeremy?

15:48 Caller Oh.

15:53 Adam No, Ron Jeremy is a, has a six year degree somewhere, but. Well, no, not as smart as he's always, he compensates because he's in the porn industry. You see what I'm saying?

16:05 Drew He's not a dumb guy.

16:06 Adam No, he's not a dumb guy. He, there, there's one Jew in the porn industry and there's one diploma in the porn industry. Who do you think has it? One Jew, one diploma. That's all you need to know about stereotypes, everybody. That's it. Alex?

16:27 Caller Yeah.

16:27 Adam Okay. What's happening, goofball?

16:30 Caller Well, okay, here's the thing, bud. I'm having some trouble when I'm giving oral sex to my girlfriend. And I just don't think she's getting there.

16:39 Adam Yeah, okay.

16:41 Caller Fair enough.

16:41 Adam Well, does she have an orgasm doing anything else?

16:46 Caller Well, yeah, when we have sex, she does.

16:48 Adam Oh, really?

16:48 Drew Really?

16:50 Caller Well, I mean, it's not every time, but yeah.

16:54 Drew How is it you have trouble ascertaining whether she does or she doesn't when you're having oral sex, but you're convinced when you have sex she does?

17:00 Caller Well, I guess because she tells me. I mean, that's not, I'm probably not the best indicator, but.

17:06 Adam Well, all right. Well, hold on a second. Drew, you're thinking what I'm thinking, which is she doesn't bother faking it during the oral sex because they still got to get through the intercourse.

17:16 Caller Right.

17:17 Drew And she needs to get it.

17:17 Adam After about 10 minutes of that, she starts getting a little sore, so she belts out one.

17:21 Drew Yeah.

17:21 Adam And now it's time to watch Temptation Island.

17:23 Drew Right.

17:24 Adam But doesn't have it every time, which says to me, wait a minute, maybe she's not faking it. Alex?

17:31 Caller Yeah.

17:31 Adam Doesn't have the orgasm every time during intercourse?

17:34 Caller No.

17:35 Adam All right. No, not faking. Okay. So what do you want us to help you with?

17:42 Caller Well, that's kind of an awkward question, I guess. I don't know. I read this thing one time. I mean, it sounds totally stupid, but they said to try spelling words with your tongue, right? And they said to start with the ones that were best, where words would start with I and end up with O.

18:02 Adam Oh, this is bogus.

18:03 Caller Yeah. I mean, I was pretty sure it was bogus, but...

18:06 Adam No, no. We're pretty sure you're bogus.

18:08 Caller Me.

18:09 Adam All right. So is there a joke? Do you got to get to something?

18:13 Caller No. No?

18:14 Adam All right. Look, okay. Here's the deal. I don't know why I got these sort of... Certain callers make me nervous. It's a bogus factor, and I think Drew picks up on that too. And I don't know what it is. I don't know...

18:26 Drew It's a Jackoff factor.

18:28 Adam Is that what it is?

18:28 Drew Maybe just sort of a Jackoff. Hey, bud.

18:31 Adam Yeah, you just don't believe them or trust them. It sounds like anything but sincere.

18:36 Drew Right.

18:37 Adam Okay, so here's the deal with the oral sex guys. Just go slow. Be nice and rhythmic.

18:45 Drew And, yeah, know where your target is.

18:49 Adam That's right.

18:50 Drew You got to know where it's supposed to be. And it's actually the...

18:52 Adam Smart bomb, not the carpet bomb like I do.

18:55 Drew Their right side is actually a little more sensitive down in the...

18:58 Adam Their right side?

18:59 Drew Remember that guy was telling us about that, one of these orgasm guys we had in here one time?

19:04 Adam Is that because they're right-handed?

19:06 Drew No, he had some theories about why, but I think he's probably right.

19:09 Adam Their right side?

19:10 Drew Yeah.

19:12 Adam But not...

19:13 Drew So it's really... Give me the book.

19:14 Adam No, no, no, no. No, you stay up top where the clitoris is, right?

19:19 Drew And sweep around the right there.

19:20 Adam Stay toward the right.

19:21 Drew Yeah.

19:22 Adam Okay. Let's stay up top. And don't push too hard. Don't get too crazy. And don't break it up. As I say, women need rhythm. Actually, guys do too. You don't want to be yanked in ten different directions. You want something even. Something you can kind of... Focus on. Set your clock on. Okay.

19:40 Caller All right.

19:42 Adam Shane.

19:43 Right here.

19:43 Adam You're 13. What's up?

19:45 Caller I just pretty much... Why am I a loser?

19:49 Adam Hmm. Probably genetic.

19:51 Drew What do you mean?

19:52 Caller Uh, well, pretty much every girl I know thinks I'm an idiot. Um, I think I'm fat. Other people don't think so. Why am I such a loser?

20:03 Adam You think you're what?

20:04 Caller I'm fat.

20:05 Adam How tall are you?

20:06 Caller I'm 5'6.

20:08 Adam How much do you weigh?

20:09 Caller 150.

20:09 Drew You're fat. No.

20:11 Adam No.

20:11 Drew Not fat.

20:12 Adam Nope. Not fat.

20:14 Caller What do you mean loser?

20:14 Drew What does that mean to you?

20:16 Caller I have like three friends that I really, truly know. And those are like the three friends that are in my band. And that's pretty much anybody I have like a conversation with.

20:26 Drew Why don't you expand your friends? Are you interested in things? Meet more people? Go to a small school?

20:33 Caller No. I have like a massive school. But like they got me on like social anxiety drugs now. Uh-huh.

20:40 Drew So you have...

20:41 Adam What are they?

20:42 Drew Paxil.

20:43 Caller Paxil, yeah.

20:44 Adam Alright.

20:45 Drew Is that helping?

20:46 Caller Uh, somewhat, yeah.

20:48 Drew So it's not that you're a loser, it's that you're anxious around people, so you can't make friends, right?

20:52 Caller Yeah, but it's just I haven't been in school because I got kicked out like three months ago.

20:57 Drew For what?

20:58 Caller For drugs.

20:59 Drew Well, there's something to work on.

21:02 Adam What about your parents? How are they doing?

21:05 Caller My mom's like always bitching at me. My dad's like an ex-pothead and he's always giving me big lectures.

21:13 Adam Yeah. Well, let me tell you a little something, Shane. Life sucks when you're young. And here's why it sucks. Because you have no control. You have no money, you have no autonomy, you're just living with people. And it's a big spin of the wheel to see if your parents are idiots or not. I got caught up with idiots myself and I was trapped. You see, later you'll do what I do. You'll go to dinner with them when you're in your 30s and you'll look across the table and you'll go, oh my god, I lived with these people. And worse, I had to listen to them. Oh my god.

21:51 Caller Yeah, because I just plan on getting a job as soon as I can and moving the hell out.

21:55 Adam That's right. That's fine. Like Shane, at 13 is not a party for a lot of people. But here's the deal. Don't kill yourself. Focus more on what it is you want to do, whether it's your music or whatever the hell it is, and just push through it. I mean, here's the deal. If you want people to like you, you want to be more popular, you want to get some chicks, you got to work a little harder at it. In order to present a package, it's going to be attractive to them. But don't sit around and hang your head and talk about being a loser because no one will want to hang out with you. And then it will be one of those self-fulfilling prophecies.

22:29 Caller I just act like a nervous idiot, and I just say whatever comes to mind. All right.

22:33 Adam Well, let's stay on your medication. Stay away from the drugs, find Jesus Christ, get a job, fight to keep it. Your last easy day was yesterday. We got a dime holding up a dollar.

22:47 Drew What was the other thing other than to the tune of you wanted? Oh, it's the way people are.

22:51 Adam Oh, takes all kinds. Takes all kinds. Takes all kinds. They used to say that instead of that guy is an F-ing nut job. Like they'd go, you'd be walking down the boardwalk and some guy would come rollerblading by with a bunch of piercings and you'd go, takes all kinds.

23:10 Drew Good times.

23:11 Adam Right, now we just look at each other and go, molested. We'll be back.

23:16 Caller Love Line, Love Line, 1-800-LOVE-191, we'll be right back.

23:49 Hello, this is Vince DeFiori from the band Cake.

23:52 Caller Hi, my name is John McCrae from the band Cake, and you're listening to Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

23:57 Danger and caution go hand in hand.

23:58 Caller Yeah, it's true.

23:59 Drew I like how they refer to themselves as the band Cake.

24:03 Adam I love those cake guys.

24:04 Drew They're those guys.

24:06 Adam Those cake guys are the coolest. I don't know what's up with Cake. I know they're working. They're putting out CDs, selling CDs. Let's get the cake guys in here.

24:20 Drew It's been a while.

24:21 Adam It's been a while. It's been forever. Cake is a cool band and the guys in it are really cool. So we'll work that out. We'll miss us guys. Joyce.

24:36 Hi.

24:36 Adam You're 38?

24:39 Caller Yes, Adam. I am.

24:40 Adam What's up?

24:41 Caller I just wanted to talk to Dr. Drew really. Not trying to dish you, Adam, because I wouldn't do that.

24:46 Adam No, go ahead. I'm going to eat some peanuts.

24:48 Caller Oh, okay. Hey, Dr. Drew. How are you doing?

24:51 Drew Joyce, what's up?

24:52 Caller Well, I was listening to your show the other night, which I do love very much because you're very, very smart. I was listening to this woman that was thinking about getting implants, and I work in a pathology lab. And we just got to get the message out there to these ladies that it's not worth it. You know, they just don't understand what they're doing to the inside of their bodies.

25:12 Adam Well, what do you see at the pathology lab?

25:14 Caller Well, we get implants that have either burst or for whatever reason they send them back, and they have this hard shell that our body has made over this.

25:28 Drew But not everyone gets those. That's a complication.

25:31 Caller Oh, okay. Well, yeah, because we only get things that need to be biopsied.

25:35 Drew Right. But there is a point to be made here, and that is that very often, and I think more than people realize, getting implants is not a one-time deal. It's a beginning of a process.

25:46 Caller Well, you know, we have people like Adam telling women that they need big hooters, Adam.

25:50 Adam How dare you, ma'am. How dare you call our fine radio show and attack me.

25:56 Caller I love you.

25:57 Adam Attack my sensibilities.

25:58 Caller I'd love to have your baby that works with me. She loves you a lot.

26:01 Adam I'm going to stare at this chick's boobs.

26:04 Caller Boy, she doesn't have very big ones.

26:05 Adam She'd like to have my baby?

26:06 Caller She'd love to have your baby.

26:07 Adam All right. After I have it, she can have it. Is that what she's talking about?

26:11 Drew I believe so.

26:12 Adam I'd like to give my child away, but I want to born it first. I want to play with it for a while, show it around, take some pictures, and then I'll get rid of it.

26:19 Caller You'd be a good father, wouldn't you?

26:21 Drew No. I would. No.

26:23 Adam I would be a great, great father.

26:25 Drew He doesn't have that kind of staying power.

26:27 Adam I don't have that.

26:28 Caller Who is Dr. Drew to learn from?

26:30 Adam I've seen Drew. He just throws money to his kids in hopes they go away.

26:33 Caller Can I be your kid, Dr. Drew?

26:35 Drew Sure.

26:35 Caller Okay. I just wanted to say that I love you guys, and I just really wish that they understand that they have no idea what they're doing to the insides of their bodies.

26:45 Drew I think the point is well taken, that it is a procedure that needs to be really thought of as a serious, serious decision.

26:51 Adam But Joyce has the same problem which we have. She works at a pathology lab, so only boob job related stuff.

26:59 Drew Gone bad.

27:00 Adam She says, that's going to be a Fox special, boob jobs gone bad.

27:03 Drew Yeah.

27:03 Adam It's like the time.

27:05 Drew That boob job gone bad show?

27:07 Adam My sister was, my sister, my sister, not the sharpest tool in the shit.

27:14 Drew Still living in your house?

27:14 Adam Big A, no. Got around there, but Big A got all the brains in the family. Not only the brains for my sister, but I somehow sucked the brain out of my mom and dad as well because they don't have any brains either. But I'm the genius in the family, right?

27:28 Caller Right?

27:30 Adam My sister was working at Silver Lake with a bunch of homos.

27:35 Drew In a hair salon?

27:35 Adam Hair salon. The world's gayest hair salon. And somebody said, what percentage of males they think are gay? We're all sitting around. She said, 75, 80 percent. And I realized that the reason she said that is because she worked around 90 percent, maybe 100 percent gay, and knocked 20 percent off. So you work in a pathology lab, all you see is bad boob jobs. It's going to leave a bad taste in your mouth about boob jobs, but I think they're pretty safe these days. Christopher?

28:05 Yeah.

28:06 Adam You're 15?

28:07 Caller What's up, guys?

28:08 Adam What's happening, stoner?

28:10 Caller Hey, not a stoner.

28:12 Adam Really? Really?

28:13 Caller Yes, I'm not.

28:14 Adam Well, you're going to make a good one one day.

28:16 Caller Yeah. How was your Christmas? Good. Good. That's great. What did you get for Christmas?

28:22 Adam How was yours?

28:23 Caller It was great.

28:25 Adam Good.

28:26 Caller Yeah. Good. My call was actually kind of bogus. All right.

28:30 Drew Good for you. That's it?

28:33 Caller Huh?

28:33 Drew Just want to find out how our Christmas had gone?

28:35 Caller No, not just that. I wanted to tell you guys something me and my friends were talking about.

28:40 Adam Yeah.

28:41 Caller Well, I was talking to my friends and I told them about this thing I thought should be invented.

28:48 Adam Hold on a second. Just hold on.

28:50 This conversation can serve no purpose anymore.

28:54 Adam A lot of people make fun of me for my hair brain, hair brain schemes and ideas and inventions. But let's hear what someone else comes up with.

29:01 Drew And all that kind of stuff.

29:02 Adam And my super bad analogies and bad puns and bad jokes and bad everything comes out of my mouth.

29:07 Drew Boy, you're going to look good in a few minutes.

29:10 Adam But I just want you to keep my hair brain crap in mind when we start hearing about other ones.

29:14 Drew What do you think from Stoner, Chris?

29:16 Adam Go ahead, Chris.

29:17 Caller All right. Well, it's just one big dildo, all right? And it's hollow. You put your arm through it and you use it on someone, all right? And it's not the thing itself. It's the name. I call it an Armadildo.

29:33 Adam Oh, wait a minute. Well, it is on to something. Armadildo. That's good. I like that. All right, Chris. Well, I stay in corrected. That was too bad. I got to go now.

29:46 Drew Oh, yeah. That's it. We'll be back tomorrow night.

29:49 Adam All right.

29:50 Drew All right, Chris.

29:50 Caller Call me sometime, Adam, so we could set something up.

29:52 Adam All right. All right, buddy. Well, party.

29:55 Caller All right. Bye.

29:55 Adam Okay. He's from... Where's this kid from?

29:58 Drew Cupertino.

29:59 Adam Where is that?

30:00 Drew Northern California. Oh boy.

30:03 Adam Amanda?

30:03 Caller Yeah, I'm here.

30:05 Adam You're 16. What's going on?

30:06 Caller Well, okay.

30:07 Caller I've been with my boyfriend for like four months now.

30:10 Caller And for the past three months, we've been like getting sexual and stuff. And every time he says it feels good, but he can never finish.

30:18 Caller Hmm.

30:19 Adam How old is he?

30:20 Caller He's 17.

30:22 Drew Wow.

30:22 Adam Are you the first person he's been with? Yeah.

30:26 Drew Could he be nervous?

30:27 Caller I don't know. He says he's not nervous. He says he feels totally comfortable around me and everything.

30:32 Adam Does he lose his erection or it just nothing comes out?

30:36 Caller Nothing comes out because he's like, I don't know, he says he can feel like it's almost there, but it never happens.

30:41 Adam How do you know when you're done, then?

30:44 Caller When I finish.

30:45 Adam So you're finished.

30:46 Drew How long does that take?

30:48 Caller 15, 20 minutes.

30:50 Adam And does he masturbate?

30:53 Caller I don't know.

30:54 Adam Oh, you guys are, you talk about everything.

30:56 Drew They're close, oof, communicating.

30:58 Adam Well, that's the answer. I mean, that's the key.

31:00 Caller Yeah.

31:01 Adam I mean, if this guy says, I masturbate and something comes out, well, isn't that your first, don't you want to know if something's ever come out of him, Amanda?

31:10 Caller Yeah. Well, I've never really asked him about it.

31:12 Caller We've joked around about it before, but.

31:14 Adam Oh, all right. I thought you guys were talking about stuff.

31:18 Caller No, we don't really talk about that much.

31:21 Drew You're close enough to be having sex. You're close enough to sort of sound each other out a little bit about the experience, all right?

31:26 Caller Yeah.

31:26 Adam No big deal. I mean, you guys, he says, sorry or this isn't working or we got to stop, and you have some discussion about it.

31:34 Caller Yeah.

31:35 Drew You're, I think, maybe a simple way to approach it is just, hey, what do you need? What will it take?

31:41 Caller It's like we'll just kind of joke around about it. I don't know.

31:45 Drew Yeah. Well, it's not funny.

31:47 Adam What are you using for birth control? That.

31:51 Caller What?

31:51 Adam What are you using for birth control?

31:54 Caller What do you mean, what am I using for birth control? I'm using birth control.

31:57 Drew What are you using?

31:59 Caller Orthotri-cyclone.

32:00 Drew All right. That's the question.

32:01 Caller Yeah.

32:02 Drew As I mentioned last night.

32:03 Adam What do you mean, what do I mean, what are you using for birth control? You goofball.

32:07 Drew New transdermal patch, contraceptive patch once a week. Don't forget that if you guys can't remember, take a pill. I spent again on the web today trying to get the California Medical Association to respond to me about emergency contraceptives.

32:21 Adam No response?

32:22 Drew No, a couple of emails, but no real response yet. I just think this is a great opportunity to create some kind of network where you just go, hey, you got an EC, here are the pharmacies, you live where? Cupertino, fine, call this pharmacy.

32:36 Adam It just seems to make sense that young people who were panicked because the condom broke or because they didn't wear one or because something slipped.

32:44 Drew We talked to millions of them, we should be able to give them the referrals. If they want to use my name or a network or whatever, let's set it up. Let's go. It's time.

32:53 Adam But Drew, as long as we're yapping about this, as long as we got there first, shouldn't we be in for a taste, you know, wet our beak?

33:01 Drew You want to be paid for it?

33:03 Adam Not just a taste.

33:04 Drew Just like a penny every time somebody rings in for EC.?

33:07 Adam Penny. I'm getting warmer. I'm just saying, what's wrong with us? You listen to all these other radio shows, they're talking about going on cruises, they're pimping their books, they're pimping their websites, they're trying to sell best of tapes at the end of the year. There's a lot of pimping going on, we don't get in on anything. We don't even do any goddamn local car commercials or anything.

33:33 Drew I don't think we have that in us, you know what I mean?

33:36 Adam I'd do it. Hey, this is Adam Corolla for Galpin Ford.

33:41 Drew You would do this when I ask you to do it, maybe.

33:43 Adam It's the Southlands' number one Ford dealership.

33:45 Drew But you don't have a promotional bone in you to make you go out and get it.

33:48 Adam It's true, it's hard for me to move. But look, I did all those retarded phone commercials.

33:53 Drew Yeah, those paid, I got you off your butt.

33:57 Adam I'm just saying if we start moving this morning after PIL and we're in for, you know, 50 cents, 75 cents a unit, that could start adding up, Greg.

34:05 Drew What do you call the prevent people? Hello? I'll tell you what.

34:08 Adam Too lazy.

34:09 Drew Here's your deal, prevent and plan B are really equivalent. Why don't you call each of them and say, the one who pays me off, that's what I'm going to promote.

34:17 Adam Okay.

34:18 Drew There you go, Adam.

34:19 Adam Thanks. Greg? What's up? You're 30.

34:23 Caller Dr. Drew?

34:23 Adam Yeah.

34:24 Caller I want to ask you a question because I was molested in 1975. When I turned nine years old, when I started going through puberty, I started growing a pubic hair, and that brought me back to my molestation. I was wondering, the kids that are molested today, are they told that they're going to go through puberty? So when they get their pubic hair, do they understand it's not coming from the molester, it's coming from their own body?

34:58 Adam Oh, wait a minute. Doesn't it come from the molester?

35:02 Caller Well, I assumed that it was because I was molested in 1975. Then when I turned nine, I started getting pubic hair, which was the same color as the molester who molested me.

35:14 Adam Right. Black, right?

35:16 Caller No, reddish.

35:18 Adam Oh, hold on. You ever see red pubes? It's scary.

35:22 Drew Is it?

35:23 Adam Yeah. I got a friend who's got red hair. He's got like bozo down there.

35:27 Drew You're gay.

35:27 Adam It's weird. It's not even- It's super red. You ever see super red pubes, Ann? It's weird.

35:34 Drew Ann, please ring in. Please. By all means.

35:36 Adam It's eerie.

35:36 Drew It's time to get you involved in the show.

35:38 Adam All right.

35:38 Caller Yeah, time is the man.

35:40 Adam Come on, Ann. Bring it on. This isn't- She's never seen red pubes. She said no.

35:44 Drew Oh, well, I'm very sorry.

35:46 Adam This is an interesting situation here.

35:49 Drew Really? Interesting?

35:51 Adam Yes.

35:51 Drew Oh, this guy's interesting.

35:53 Adam Yeah, the red pubes- People with red pubes. The red pubes thing is informative.

35:56 Drew I see.

35:56 Adam This is interesting.

35:58 Drew Enlightening. What would Carrot Top be like?

36:01 Adam Carrot bottom. Carrot middle.

36:04 Drew Now, that would be scary if your body hair was red. Imagine your ass.

36:09 Adam Yeah.

36:10 Drew You look like one of those copper Siberian huskies.

36:13 Adam Oh, my ass would look like the sun. Look like the surface of the sun. You know you see those close-up shots of the sun? Yeah. That would be one of those flares. You couldn't look at it too long without going blind.

36:30 Caller It's already like that.

36:31 Adam Radiating.

36:32 Caller Without the red.

36:33 Adam Medusa.

36:34 Caller All right.

36:35 Adam Hey, Greg?

36:36 Caller What?

36:36 Adam Oh, boy. Okay. This is interesting because we've never had anybody bring this up.

36:43 Caller Maybe because none of your callers have been molested before.

36:45 Adam No. No, they have. But you got public care thing is. Now, hold on.

36:51 Caller I really wanted to hear Dr. Drew's opinion.

36:53 Adam Well, hold on. He's not going to sympathize as much as I am.

36:56 Caller Well, I didn't ask for sympathy. I just ask if kids today are told that when they go through puberty that they're going to have growth down there.

37:07 Drew All right. Let's put it this way, Greg. I talked to probably thousands of people that have been molested. No one has ever had any preoccupation with their transition to puberty. So I would bet that you have something else going on here, in addition to the molestation, that's causing you to be preoccupied and to confuse these things.

37:24 Well, you know, I'm 30 years old.

37:25 Caller I was 9 years old when I got...

37:27 Drew Are you on medication?

37:28 Caller Yeah, I'm on Risperidol, Paxil, and Chlorazepam.

37:33 Drew Chlorazepam?

37:34 Caller Yeah, for panic attacks.

37:36 Drew All right. And you had... do you ever hear voices, that kind of thing?

37:40 Caller I have LSD psychosis.

37:44 Drew Okay, so he's got a chronic psychotic disorder.

37:47 Caller You're insane.

37:48 Drew And that's what this puberty... that's what this hair thing is about.

37:51 Adam Really? No, it isn't.

37:52 Drew It's a delusion.

37:53 Caller Okay, I was molested in 75, right?

37:56 Drew Right.

37:58 Caller When AIDS came out in 80, and I started becoming overweight, I started getting stretch marks, and I thought that was from my molester, because I was molested by two white trash teens. You're insane.

38:11 Drew All right. But the thought process whereby...

38:15 Adam Wait a minute. What did that have to do with AIDS?

38:17 Drew The thought? Nothing.

38:19 Caller I got lost. Male molesters.

38:21 Adam No, I understand. But hold on a second. Greg, what's going on now? Where are you living?

38:27 Caller Where I'm living?

38:29 I'm living with my father.

38:31 Adam All right. Is it going okay?

38:33 Caller Well, he was an alcoholic for most of my years with him. Yeah. I come from a dysfunctional family.

38:42 Adam Oh, I know. But here's what I'm saying, Greg. Are you doing? I mean, I know you were molested and that was a horrible thing. And we talked a lot of people have been through a lot of horrible things. But what I'm saying is, is you're 30. You're pretty young. You know, you can you don't have any disabilities. Your arms work. Your legs work. Yeah. Well, your arms and your legs work.

39:07 Caller Well, you know, I'm grateful for that. Yeah.

39:09 Adam Okay. Well, I mean, listen, here's what I'm saying, Greg. We've talked to people who have been in worse shape than you. Okay.

39:18 Caller I'm not looking for sympathy.

39:19 Adam I know. I'm just telling you that, that you're 30 and you can do what you want.

39:24 Caller I know that.

39:26 Adam Within reason.

39:28 Caller I know that. I know what's right and wrong.

39:30 Adam Okay, buddy. Hold on a second.

39:31 Drew I don't know where you're going with this, Adam.

39:33 Adam I'm just trying to make the guy feel better about himself. He's kind of angry.

39:36 Drew He's angry. But the thought process whereby body features of someone who had attacked you suddenly become projected onto you, which is what he's saying, is stretch marks came from the molesters. Oh, well, yeah. That is a delusional thought process. Yeah. That is primarily what we're dealing with here.

39:55 Adam Yeah. Well, when he first made his case, I thought there was something semi-compelling about it. Because if you're a kid and you've never seen a male's genital region, and you see the hair and you don't see the hair on yourself, and then you see the hair on yourself later, it's freaky except for one hair comes in at a time over the course of three years.

40:17 Drew And then stretch marks, and etc. No, I'm not talking about the stretch marks. That's what he was saying.

40:21 Adam No, I'm saying his theory would work if you got all your pubes overnight.

40:25 Drew Yeah, or three or four and no more.

40:28 Adam That's right. All right.

40:29 Caller Greg?

40:30 Drew What?

40:31 Adam Keep taking your medication and take care of yourself.

40:34 Caller Oh, can I tell you one more thing?

40:35 Adam No, no, no. No, but take care of yourself, would you? All right, thanks.

40:41 Drew Why did you have to piss him off by talking about the red butt hair? The ass hair.

40:45 Adam Well, I mean, come on.

40:48 Drew The butt soleil.

40:50 Caller Oh, poor Greg.

40:51 Can I just say that I pulled him down and I listened to what he said when he started screaming about how you're not white and you suck?

40:56 Adam I'm not white.

40:57 That's what he said. I'm sorry that I pulled him down. Oh, all right.

41:01 Adam I'm not white and I suck. I think I'm white, right?

41:06 Drew But you suck.

41:08 Adam That I'm not going to argue with. That's objective. All right, we're going to take a break. We're going to come back. I'm going to take a good look at myself in the mirror, see what color I am, and we'll be back after this.

41:20 Caller The Love Line will be right back, so get your problems ready. Ready.

41:51 Adam Hey, hey, hey! Bouncing in slow motion. Cool, cut leather jacket slung over the shoulder. Smoked shades on.

42:06 Drew Members only jacket.

42:09 Adam Making the scene. Probably wearing some kind of boot or boots, perhaps two even. System of a Down in here tomorrow night, and it'll be good to see the System of a Down, guys. Theoretically, we're going to be eating dinner with those guys tomorrow night too. Some lovely Armenian food, right?

42:30 Drew Glendale.

42:31 Adam Is that where they like it?

42:32 Drew Yeah, that's what they said.

42:32 Adam All right. Okay. I'm going to be eating some Kafka kebab. Some shawarma, shawarma, shawarma, some baba ganoush.

42:50 Drew Get some of that goat milk yogurt drink.

42:54 Adam It is very, very refreshing, very refreshing. It is a mixture of the goat milk and buttermilk and lemon, feta, vinegar, and a floater of goat urine. Very refreshing, very refreshing. All right. Do you want the orange whip? Okay. Okay. Are you sure you don't want the cashews? I was just cracking, drew up last night because I was saying, what is it with these crazy Middle Eastern restaurants and their yogurt-based soft drinks? It's cashews. It's very good. Very good.

43:31 Drew We also mentioned that you've never had a drink that you enjoyed that was referred to as refreshing.

43:36 Adam Refreshing is the kiss of death. Refreshing is as bad as when you read the label and it says, drink on it. That's always bad. Grape drink. Fruit drink. Drink. When you see drink, that means bad. Very bad. Angela?

43:55 Caller Yes.

43:56 Adam You're 19?

43:57 Caller 17.

43:58 Adam Oh, yeah. I saw it. I just came out 19. What's up?

44:02 Caller How are you?

44:03 Adam Good.

44:05 Caller Yeah, I had a question about Vicodin, I guess, because, well, I heard a trick on last night, and she just sounded, like, way strung out, and that was me, like, a few days ago. I don't know. It was just kind of... I was just wondering, like, how is Vicodin bad for you, like, what it does?

44:22 Drew Well, it causes one of the most severe forms of addiction that there is. That's it. And if you take a large amount of it all of a sudden, there's enough Tylenol in it to shut your liver down.

44:32 Adam But Vicodin itself doesn't harm your body?

44:35 Drew Not the opiate, and no, the hydrocodone, which is the opiate in Vicodin, no. There's the interesting sort of conundrum with opiates, is that they cause the worst addiction, but no harm. No harm. The harmful part with opiates is how you administer it. People end up shooting it in the veins, and that's what hurts you, the way you give it.

44:54 Adam Right. Is there any liquid form of Vicodin? Has anyone ever shoot up Vicodin? Can they cook up the pills and shoot it up?

45:02 Drew No, but there's hydrocodone and cough syrups.

45:05 I thought it was making people deaf.

45:07 Drew Yeah, I've seen one case of that. A guy was taking 100 Vicodin a day, had sudden total deafness, and I talked to a gentleman at a famous urine clinic who was saying that they're starting to see people trickle in with permanent deafness that becomes progressive even on low dose as prescribed Vicodin.

45:25 Caller Huh?

45:26 Adam Well, look, somebody's going to have to rethink, I think, these painkill, painkills, painkills because this Oxycontin is screwing everybody up and Vicodin, everyone's getting, it seems like everyone's getting strung out on this stuff. Josh?

45:43 Caller Yeah?

45:43 Adam You're 14?

45:45 Caller Yeah.

45:45 Adam What's up?

45:46 Caller Well, my nuts itch bad. It's for like a few weeks now.

45:50 Adam You want me to come over there with a stick and itch them for you?

45:54 Caller Something a little sharper.

45:56 Adam Okay. Butcher knife? Yeah.

45:58 Drew Cleaver?

45:59 Adam You're not sexually active, are you?

46:01 Oh, not really, no.

46:04 Drew Not really?

46:05 No.

46:06 Adam You're not doing anything with anybody?

46:08 No.

46:08 Adam Okay. So maybe it's a little jock itch.

46:11 Drew That's what it is. What? Jock itch. Get yourself some antifungal cream or spray over the counter. Go to the pharmacy, get some Loacherman or Mike-10, any of that good stuff and spray it on or put the cream on. You'll feel better quickly.

46:23 Adam Damian and Tara, no more just Jackoff out of it, kids. Please, please. We're getting callers tonight. These like Jackoff teenage guys that are just completely out of it.

46:33 Caller I had an itchy, itchy rash.

46:36 Adam All right. No more of them. I don't care what the problem is, but we're getting like, Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. It's what it sounds like to me. I don't even hear the prom anymore. I just hear the tone and I just tune out. Well, and then once in a while there's a word in there, girlfriend.

46:58 Drew I said, I love you, dude.

47:00 Caller I love the guy.

47:32 Adam All right, we're going to take a break.

47:33 We'll be back.

47:34 Caller All right, guys, bottom line.

47:36 Caller Here's the deal.

47:37 Caller Looking to hook up. Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

47:40 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:41 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:42 Caller The Dateline.

47:42 Caller 877-889-DATE.

47:48 Caller Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

48:51 Adam Hey, Vint, 38 Bob, Saturday Night, Line 1, where's Bob at?

48:55 Drew What's going on, Vint?

48:56 Caller Hey, Vint, this is Vint.

48:59 Drew Go, Vince.

48:59 Caller This is for Drew.

49:00 Drew Yes, sir.

49:01 Caller On the Emergency Contraceptive, I'm a pharmacist in California.

49:05 Drew All right.

49:06 Caller It's Senate Bill 1169.

49:08 Drew Right, this started this year.

49:09 Caller Right, and the wording is, once a pharmacist has been certified, and the CPHA has a certification program, that's kind of like the California Medical or Pharmacist, and a protocol has been established with local position, a pharmacist can dispense emergency contraception without a prescription. However...

49:33 Drew However.

49:34 Oh my God!

49:35 Caller Somebody hold the phones!

49:37 Caller I can't believe that!

49:39 Caller Many of the chain pharmacies will not be adopting this official policy...

49:45 Drew Why?...

49:45 Caller in the law, nor paying for pharmacist certification under the law.

49:50 Well, I think it's because of the abortion, you know, and of course, fallacy.

49:55 Drew Thank you. God bless you.

49:59 Adam Are they scared?

50:00 Caller They probably set up on the net under the Senate bill.

50:03 Adam Do you think they're scared that they're going to get pressure put on them if they do this?

50:08 Caller Sure. You know, because there's been pharmacists fired for refusing to dispense an autumn prescription.

50:18 Adam I didn't answer my question.

50:19 Drew I know. I think your answer is yes. Here's my question. Why don't we set up a standard protocol on the web that any pharmacist can download? What's to prevent you, whoever pharmacist wants to do that, using say my name for all of them?

50:33 Caller Right.

50:33 Drew You know what I'm saying? Then why don't we create a national network where so effectively it will become sort of over-the-counter?

50:40 Caller I think that's an excellent idea.

50:42 Drew If it needs to be local, then let's in each area get a local physician who will use his or her name. And then again, have these standardized protocols on the web that we just all sign off on and pow, on we go.

50:53 Caller You know what I was planning on doing myself was getting certified, you know, paying for it myself. And seeing if my company would allow it. I don't know if they would.

51:04 Drew You would allow you to dispense something? Oh, I see, allow you to do it.

51:08 Caller Right.

51:08 Drew All right.

51:09 Adam What company you work for?

51:11 Caller Rather not say.

51:12 Adam The Big Chain?

51:13 Caller Yeah.

51:14 Adam What is it?

51:15 Caller Top three.

51:16 Adam Thanks there, Vince. I know Vince can't be calling from- Hey, Vince?

51:20 Caller Yeah.

51:21 Adam You're a pharmacist. You're in California.

51:24 Yeah. You work for-

51:25 Caller I speak English.

51:27 Adam I know. That's why I'm curious. I've never met anyone who spoke English in Los Angeles working behind the counter of a pharmacy. I see you're calling from Stockton. Do you know about the policy about sending the crazy boat people to work behind the counter in Los Angeles? How does that work?

51:47 Caller I'll tell you right now. Pharmacy school was over 50 percent English as a second language.

51:54 Drew Wow.

51:55 Adam What is that about this profession?

51:59 Caller That attracts them?

52:00 Adam That attracts folks that cannot speak English.

52:05 Drew Ask him.

52:05 Adam He doesn't know.

52:06 Drew Well, he was in pharmacy school. Maybe he has an idea.

52:08 Adam What do you think, Vance?

52:11 Caller You know, I guess you would call me an okie. The white people are too lazy to go through the school. And the Asians, etc.

52:22 Adam It's Asian. It's not only Asian, but it's bizarre Johnny Quest villain nationality.

52:27 Caller Yeah, Middle Eastern.

52:28 Adam Hey, Vance, I never thought I would hear myself say this, but I pray for Mexican when I get to one of those places. Anything but one of those crazy Asians.

52:40 Caller The curriculum is such that the Asian families, etc., they're brought up to go to college.

52:50 Adam Yeah. No, no. That's Drew. You idiot, Drew. I told you not to ask him. We know the Asians study harder and work harder and are smarter. Here's what it is. I think these are people who have trouble with the language and may not be fully indoctrinated into the culture. They're not third or fourth generation Asians and being a doctor might be difficult for them because they would not be able to handle the interaction part, but they work with drugs, not with people. Right. You see what I'm saying? Also, they work the science side of it.

53:27 Drew There is a potential to have a business when you're a pharmacist.

53:30 Adam That's true. All right. I just don't understand with this whole thing why everyone is so chicken ass and so scared that a very small yet well organized, I'll give you, part of society is going to close them down. The people that would protest this are in the minority.

53:50 Drew No, they're the ones that should be supporting it.

53:52 Caller It's a way to eliminate abortion.

53:54 Drew It is.

53:55 Caller It is.

53:55 Adam How many times I got to tell you about the religious nut jobs who are more interested in complaining than they are about abortions. They don't actually care about abortions. They care about complaining. You understand, Daniel? You're 16.

54:12 Caller Yeah.

54:13 Adam Yeah. I mean, you go, boy do these people hate abortions, but no, it's boy are these people in love with complaining. Sorry, go ahead, Daniel.

54:23 Caller Yes, about a year ago, I met this girl and I went out with her for about a month and we broke up. And then I went to summer school and she did too. And we started getting into each other again. And then before school started, we hooked back up. Do what?

54:41 Adam Do what?

54:44 Caller So anyway, we hooked up and we've been going out for about five months now and it's like totally new for me. I've never had a relationship like this.

54:52 Adam Right. Except for the same chick you went out with before?

54:57 Caller Yeah, this is her. She's the same one I went out with about a year ago.

55:01 Drew What's the question?

55:02 Caller Well, the question is that she's now brought up seeing other people. This was about two days ago.

55:09 Drew All right, that's it. That's it.

55:11 Adam You're done, buddy.

55:12 Drew It's over.

55:13 Caller It's over. Well, the thing is, though, that I hate the school I go to.

55:18 Adam All right, hold on. You know what this is? I just got a picture of it in my mind. I've had many of these relationships myself. People ask, how do I come up with these analogies?

55:29 Drew You've been there.

55:30 Adam They flash. It's just a picture in my mind. Okay. He is running up a down escalator. You can run up a down escalator. It's hard. You've got to burn a lot of calories. But you can't stay on it that long. The minute you stop, you go right back down to the bottom.

55:51 Drew That and there's nothing rewarding about it.

55:53 Adam And she kicked him off and he got off and then he got to run up the down escalator again. But he's never in that position where you're just standing there and admiring the view and moving right along. He's always just been hanging on by threat. And now, listen, when someone says they want to see other people, done, they mean other people beside you, by the way. They don't include you in that. I don't even know why they tell you. Daniel?

56:21 Caller Yeah?

56:21 Adam It's over, buddy. I mean, she's always been in charge.

56:26 Caller Here's the thing though, that the reason I stayed at this school was because of her and now that I'm not with her, I'm planning on leaving, going to my best friend to another school. But she's now telling me that not to leave, that to stay there, and that, you know, that not to leave, that we'll probably get back together and we'll commit to how I'm like.

56:48 Drew Yeah, she just doesn't want to be responsible.

56:49 Adam No, hold on. We're going to do a little reenactment here. I'm going to play the part of the downtrodden. Daniel, you play the chick, all right, Drew?

56:57 Caller All right.

56:59 Adam Oh, man, that's it. I'm packing up. I'm getting out of here.

57:02 Drew No, no, no, you don't have to do that. You don't have to do that. No, no, no, Daniel. No, Daniel, listen. No, no, no.

57:05 Adam I'm going to another school.

57:06 Drew It's just something I'm going through right now. I need to see other people. This could be over within a week or two.

57:12 Adam I'm leaving.

57:12 Drew I'm going to another school. No, no, no, please.

57:14 Adam I'm going to go to another school.

57:16 Drew I don't think you should. I know. Listen.

57:17 Adam You don't think I should?

57:18 Drew No, I love you. I'm just not in love with you anymore. And I want to see other people, Adam. I mean, Daniel.

57:24 Adam I'm going to go to another school.

57:27 Drew Get off the escalator.

57:30 Adam Daniel, she just said no because she felt bad when you were talking about packing up. Yeah, you know how that goes.

57:38 Caller Yeah, I know.

57:39 Adam Look, she ain't into you. That's fine. There's other girls that are.

57:44 Caller Should I leave and just leave or should I stay there and hold my ground?

57:49 Drew No, just do what's good for you academically and socially and don't worry about her.

57:54 Adam And don't worry about your ground. She doesn't even know what you're doing.

57:57 Drew Yeah, she's done.

57:58 Adam Just forget it. Look, you have relationships and they end and that's what you do when you're in high school.

58:03 Drew That's what's supposed to happen.

58:04 Adam This is fine. This is what you do in life, okay, buddy?

58:09 Caller Yeah, man, thank you, guys.

58:10 Adam Sorry, but take care of yourself.

58:12 Drew He's all right. Just think of somebody who said that to you at 16.

58:17 Adam You know, it's always funny too, is when he's talking about holding his ground. How many times you said that you had a plan to execute. It's like, oh yeah, she thinks she's so cool. She thinks she can live without me. Well, what's it going to be like when I stop talking?

58:29 Drew Here's the deal.

58:30 Adam Three weeks goes by and she doesn't know it. Meanwhile, you're knee deep into Alpha plan.

58:35 Drew Yeah, here's something you can tell young males. As soon as you start contemplating any kind of plan, as soon as the word plan enters your mind, it's game over. It's just a world of hurt if you actuate any plans. Think about that. I can't think of, like, when there's some sort of battle plans, more maneuver, right?

58:58 Adam I mean, how many schemes and plans and shut up and statements have you tried to make in your life and the other person wasn't even aware you were doing it? You know what I mean? They're dating, they're talking on the phone, they're doing their homework, they're getting on with their life. Meanwhile, you're knee deep in your plan.

59:18 Drew Oh, you've got a war room with a big long sticks, moving around model figures and sliding around. Said woman moves to point A from point C.

59:26 Adam That's right. You intercept a transpondence from her to one of her friends, talking about the mall, could be useful information.

59:35 Drew Our reconnaissance mission was a success.

59:37 Brian, hey, what's up?

59:39 Adam You're 20, what's up?

59:41 Caller Actually, I was distracted when I told you screen. I'm only 17, my bad.

59:44 Adam Oh, okay.

59:45 Caller Sorry. I don't...

59:46 Drew Whatever.

59:47 Caller Yeah.

59:47 Drew So distracted. You got your name right, yeah?

59:50 Yes.

59:51 Drew So distracted, but couldn't get the age right. Missed the decade.

59:54 Caller I was typing on the computer. It was typing in numbers.

59:57 He's an idiot.

59:58 Caller I am an idiot. Okay. Anyways, my girlfriend went away to college just last year, and she and I have been having a long distance relationship, but it's really hard to keep it going and go to school and work and all that at the same time.

1:00:10 Drew Right. How far away has she gone?

1:00:12 Caller She's just like an hour away. I mean, I can drive and go see her, but I do. But it's like it's a major commitment every time I go.

1:00:19 Drew And I mean, I just don't think long distance relationships are a good idea when you're in college.

1:00:23 Caller Okay. But here's kind of what I wanted to know is like, I mean, we've seriously been going out for, you know, two years. I mean, which is, you know, not that much when you're an adult, but when you're, you know, in your teens, like it's a big block. And like, how do I just let her know without being really, I mean, not mean, but just like, you know, without having any of the problems, any of the people that call into your show have.

1:00:46 Drew There's no way you're going to be able to say anything that doesn't cause a reaction.

1:00:50 Adam Unless she's thinking the same thing.

1:00:52 Drew Unless she's thinking the same thing.

1:00:53 Caller Well, sometimes she does have reactions when I say things like, I mean, I told her I wanted to slow down, you know, like maybe instead of going there three times a week, No, no, no, no, no, no. go there two times a week, like a couple weeks ago. Her reaction was so strong that her butthole was as big as a mason.

1:01:08 Drew Oh, good, Brian. Nice. Nice. Good one.

1:01:11 Adam Thank you.

1:01:12 Drew Thank you. Well done.

1:01:13 Adam All right, everybody.

1:01:14 Drew Have a good night, everybody. All right. Hey, Brian, Brian, Brian.

1:01:17 Adam Hold on, hold on. Quick question.

1:01:19 Caller Yeah.

1:01:20 Adam The whole part about you telling the screener you were 20 and you actually being 17.

1:01:25 Caller Yeah.

1:01:26 Adam Why was that your main?

1:01:28 Caller I mean, I.

1:01:29 Drew Since the whole call was bogus.

1:01:30 Caller Yeah.

1:01:30 Adam I mean, I know it was I know. Oh, because he was sad to say he was in high school.

1:01:35 Caller No, no, no. Well, that was part of it. But it was Alpha Plan. It was me moving things around aboard with long sticks.

1:01:42 Drew You know, now you're screwing up.

1:01:44 Caller All right. Hold on, hold on. Just really quick before I go, I think Adam's funniest bits are when he doesn't actually say anything, when he's blah, blah, blah. That is such a killer act that just kills me every time.

1:01:53 Adam Well, I'll do that. Hey, but now wait a second. I want you to answer my question.

1:01:57 Caller OK.

1:01:57 Adam Are you 17?

1:01:58 Caller No.

1:01:59 Adam No. OK. You do sound like a mature 17 year old.

1:02:03 Caller Well, that's because I've been laid.

1:02:05 Adam And the part about telling the phone screener you were 20, I don't get that part of the ruse, you know? It seems like something to trip over.

1:02:16 Caller Really? I was trying to add a stroke of realism like, Oh, I made a mistake.

1:02:20 Drew Sorry. You know what though?

1:02:22 Adam Yes, I understand. It worked out that way.

1:02:25 Drew It's a good idea, but it's got to ring more true. People don't miss the decade because they're distracted. They don't do that.

1:02:31 Adam Well, here's my question, Brian.

1:02:33 Caller All right.

1:02:33 Adam What's this? Did you intentionally do that?

1:02:37 Caller No, actually.

1:02:38 Adam That's what I was thinking.

1:02:39 Caller I am 20, but I figured that by saying that I had made a mistake, it would seem more realistic. Thanks. Right.

1:02:47 Drew Okay.

1:02:47 Adam Take care. Wait a minute. Then I still didn't get an answer to that.

1:02:51 Drew He wanted to be a young college age.

1:02:54 Adam He wanted to be in high school.

1:02:56 Drew Right. High school age. And he's actually 20. And he thought, well, I'll go ahead and add that in, because it not only does it need to be for my story to work out, it'll have an element of realism, because I stumbled over my age.

1:03:08 Adam Yeah.

1:03:10 Drew What it ended up doing was creating kind of a distraction.

1:03:13 Adam Yeah. No, I don't think that was part of his, it'll seem real because it's sort of flawed.

1:03:18 Drew No. He let it ride because he convinced himself it would seem real. Okay.

1:03:22 Adam I'm still confused.

1:03:23 Caller It didn't work.

1:03:24 Adam No. Worked fine.

1:03:25 Drew No, no, no. I mean that part was one part where you're like, yeah, yeah.

1:03:28 Adam It could have straightened that part out. Yeah. That's all I'm saying. John, go on next time. John, you're 29. Hello. What's up?

1:03:36 Caller I'm 29 years old and my body hasn't really matured yet as far as getting in. It's facial hair, any body hair. I have like underarm hair and pubic hair and like a little bit of leg hair, but I don't know. I'm 29. I have pretty much a baby face. I don't know if that's normal. I don't know if I should see a doctor or what not.

1:03:56 Drew Anything else abnormal about you or unusual?

1:03:59 Caller No, I mean like my body size. Okay, I still I'm like kind of slender. I think that's because of fast metabolism. But I thought that would have slowed down by the time I turn around 25 or so.

1:04:10 Drew Do you have to be able to have normal sexual functioning?

1:04:13 Caller Yeah, it's no problem at all. Like I have friends of mine which are Armenian and they have like a lot of facial hair. Their voices haven't really changed. But I mean I know it's like a different race.

1:04:25 Drew What's your race?

1:04:26 Caller My race is white. I'm Caucasian.

1:04:29 Adam Armenians come out with like three days growth on their face. And that's the, that's the chicks.

1:04:33 Drew The women, yeah.

1:04:34 Adam Yeah. Yeah, they're very, they're very manly. Very manly group, those Armenians. Yeah. You know why? It's from drinking all the cuckoos. With the goat milk and the buttermilk. Very refreshing. That's refreshing.

1:04:47 Caller Refreshing!

1:04:48 Adam Yeah. All right. Well, John. Yeah. I'm going to put him on hold because there's like some sort of circus going on in the background. What the F was going on behind John? I don't know. John.

1:05:01 Caller Yeah.

1:05:02 Adam What's going on in the background there?

1:05:04 Caller Nothing. I'm sitting in a car in a parking lot.

1:05:06 Adam Well, what was going on?

1:05:08 Drew The radio was on?

1:05:09 Adam No.

1:05:10 Caller No. I was told to turn my radio off.

1:05:11 Caller So I don't...

1:05:13 Drew Now what are we hearing now? Are you at a drive-in, drive-through or something?

1:05:16 Caller No. I'm sitting in a parking lot.

1:05:18 Adam Alone?

1:05:19 Caller Yeah. I'm by myself.

1:05:20 Drew It sounds like there's a crowd outside.

1:05:22 Caller No. I have friends with me, but they're not with me in the car.

1:05:25 Drew They're outside?

1:05:27 Caller No. They're outside, but they're not even near my car.

1:05:31 Adam Okay. You don't hear those sounds in the background?

1:05:34 Caller I can't hear anything.

1:05:36 Adam Okay. All right.

1:05:38 Caller I don't know.

1:05:39 Adam All right. So what? Go to a doctor? Get some...

1:05:41 Drew No. I'm not sure it's anything. It's a normal function.

1:05:43 Adam He's got a baby face. He's got hair on his nuts.

1:05:46 Drew It's the other end of the normal spectrum from, say, you. Or your lower half, what's below your belly button.

1:05:54 Adam Yeah. Yeah. I know guys that are like baby face guys or kid, you know, cute little guys. It works fine. They got a ton of tail, those guys. Amber?

1:06:05 Yeah.

1:06:05 Adam You're 19?

1:06:06 Caller Yeah.

1:06:07 Adam What's up?

1:06:08 Caller Well, I have this problem, so I figured I could call you guys and you guys could tell me what's wrong.

1:06:12 Drew All right.

1:06:13 Caller Okay. Well, with the boyfriend that I have right now, I'm really in love with him and everything. But when we have sex, I can't orgasm at all through oral sex or through intercourse.

1:06:23 Drew Have you ever been able to?

1:06:24 Caller Yes, I have. With my first boyfriend, I've been able to through oral sex.

1:06:28 Adam What's going on in the background?

1:06:30 Caller Oh, I'm at work.

1:06:32 Adam Okay. That's all right.

1:06:33 Caller My boss isn't listening right now.

1:06:35 Adam That's all right. Where do you work?

1:06:37 Caller I work at a security company. I don't want to say the name over the air.

1:06:40 Adam You're in Bakersfield?

1:06:41 Caller Yeah.

1:06:42 Adam Couldn't you just kill yourself and then that way you wouldn't have to spend any more time in Bakersfield?

1:06:48 Caller I hate it here too. I want to move to San Francisco, but I don't have that much money right now.

1:06:53 Adam You shouldn't move directly from Bakersfield to San Francisco. You shouldn't move directly from Bakersfield to anywhere. What you should do is you go, if you've lived in Bakersfield for more than like 18 months.

1:07:05 Caller Oh, I've lived here for 18 years.

1:07:07 Adam Okay. Well, then what you should do is go spend like to decompress.

1:07:12 Drew You need a re-entrant time.

1:07:13 Adam Yeah, you need to go to like some place like somewhere between San Francisco and Bakersfield like let's say hell.

1:07:19 Caller Hell?

1:07:20 Adam Yeah, like go to hell for like a year and decompress. So it's not as big a jump when you actually move to San Francisco.

1:07:27 Caller Yeah, that's true.

1:07:28 Adam Oh, God, is that Bakersfield an asshole?

1:07:30 Caller I hate it here, too.

1:07:31 Adam Everyone hates it there.

1:07:33 Caller I'll move one day.

1:07:35 Adam No, Bob Bakersfield hates it, the founder of the town.

1:07:38 Drew Back to Amber's question. What is different about this relationship or this guy?

1:07:42 Caller Yeah, see, okay, with the first boyfriend, I was able to have an orgasm through oral sex. And then I slept with a lot of guys after him. And then I got with my boyfriend I'm with now, who I really love. And we have really good sex. He's really sexy. I just get to the point to where I'm about ready to orgasm, and I don't get there.

1:08:00 Drew Why?

1:08:01 Caller I have no idea. It feels really good.

1:08:03 Drew What was different about the first guy?

1:08:05 Caller What was different about the first guy? I don't know. It's just I was able to have an orgasm with him.

1:08:10 Drew Were you able to do that with any of the other guys?

1:08:12 Caller No, no one in between.

1:08:13 Drew And how long have you been with your current boyfriend?

1:08:15 Adam Eighteen months?

1:08:16 Caller Yeah, about a year and six months.

1:08:18 Drew Are you communicating with him about this stuff?

1:08:19 Caller Yeah, we're very communicative. Yeah, we communicate.

1:08:24 Adam Oral sex ain't working either, huh?

1:08:26 Caller No, none of them are. It's like I get there, and I can orgasm while I'm masturbating. So I figure, do I need to speak to a doctor or a psychologist or what?

1:08:35 Adam No, not unless something weird happened to you. Anything weird? I mean, besides the trauma of growing up in Bakersfield.

1:08:43 Drew Something between you. Yeah, something.

1:08:46 Adam You think there's something going on with the guy?

1:08:48 Drew I think. And her? I wonder if he sort of doesn't know what he's doing, and she idealizes him and romanticizes the relationship so much, she can't really identify that he's not.

1:08:57 Adam I mean, he's a klutz down there?

1:08:59 Caller Yeah.

1:09:01 Adam I don't know why you're getting that.

1:09:03 Caller He really tries his best.

1:09:04 Adam Well, listen.

1:09:06 Drew Trying your best and knowing what you're doing could be different things.

1:09:08 Adam He could try his best at painting or being an astronaut. Doesn't mean he wouldn't screw it up.

1:09:12 Caller Yeah, and I've slept with a lot of guys before him too, and none of them have been able to do anything either, so I'm thinking it's me.

1:09:18 Adam All from Bakersfield.

1:09:19 Drew See the deal here?

1:09:20 Caller Not all of them from Bakersfield.

1:09:21 Drew The one, no problem, but all the rest of them didn't know what they were doing, neither does this guy, so therefore all guys don't know what they're doing.

1:09:27 Adam Wait a minute, does this guy not know what he's doing?

1:09:30 Caller No, this guy knows what he's doing. He's been with like tons of girls before me. He knows, I've never had a problem. He's never had a problem. I think it's just me.

1:09:38 Drew Yeah, you need a little more sort of attention for this.

1:09:41 Adam Did the first guy know what he was doing?

1:09:44 Caller I don't know. He was my first guy I've ever slept with.

1:09:46 Drew Yeah, but he seemed to have had some...

1:09:48 Adam I don't know, Drew. I don't know. You're pursuing this sort of...

1:09:54 Caller No, no, no.

1:09:56 Drew It may just be sort of awareness, you know, paying attention.

1:09:59 Adam For her?

1:10:00 Drew Yeah.

1:10:00 Caller Okay.

1:10:02 Adam I like that word, cocksman. It's a good one, right?

1:10:05 Drew Cocksmith?

1:10:06 Adam Yeah, you're allowed to say it. Sure you can. That's an old word. Anderson, you can say cocksman. I'm telling you, it's like from the turn of the century. It's not a swear word.

1:10:18 What's it mean?

1:10:20 Adam It's ladies man. I don't even know if the C word is even relevant in it.

1:10:26 Drew Right.

1:10:27 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:10:28 Drew I go to dictionary.com and see.

1:10:30 What's cockles mean?

1:10:32 Adam Cockles is-

1:10:33 Drew It's shells.

1:10:34 Adam Shells, yeah.

1:10:35 Caller It's a conch.

1:10:36 Adam Conch is a big shell you blow. Conch is like a chauffer.

1:10:43 Drew Chauffer.

1:10:43 Adam Chauffer. When a Samoan guy blows it, it's a conch or conch. Yeah. When a Jew blows it, it's a chauffer. Is it true, Drew? True. I'll bet you one of them big Samoans can out blow one of them scrawny Jews any day, Drew. Any day. You want to-

1:11:03 Drew No way, Drew.

1:11:04 Adam You want to take one of your scrawny Jews against one of my fat Samoans in a conch blowing contest? I didn't think so. Okay, we're going to look up X-Men and then we'll be back.

1:11:15 Caller Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, back in a minute.

1:11:49 Caller Hi, this is Jonathan from Korn, and you're listening to Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew on...

1:11:56 Adam Yeah, old friends Korn, speaking of Bakersfield. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. It's Drew, I'm Adam. We just spent the last four and a half minutes looking up Cotsman. Couldn't find anything. Anderson, relax with that. I'm telling you, it's slang, it's cool. It's a cool word. It's cool for the air. My grandmother says it.

1:12:20 Caller Cool.

1:12:22 Adam All right, let's talk to Lianna, who's 20, she's got a problem with us calling Armenians Harry.

1:12:31 Caller That's right, we're not all Harry, that's terrible.

1:12:33 Adam Well, the chicks aren't as Harrys to do this.

1:12:37 Caller It's true, the guys are Harry.

1:12:38 Adam Oh, my God.

1:12:40 Caller You said the chicks are Harry, that's mean.

1:12:42 Adam Have you seen System of a Down? Yes, I have. They're like tribbles.

1:12:47 Caller Are they going to be here tomorrow?

1:12:48 Caller Yes.

1:12:49 Adam Yeah, we'll see them.

1:12:52 Caller People talk smack about that.

1:12:54 Adam Listen, I'm a Harry guy myself. To me, it's a masculine feature.

1:12:58 Caller But you said the women have hair.

1:13:01 Drew No, no, no, he said the babies had hair. Not only that, it was the female babies.

1:13:07 Caller I heard what he said.

1:13:08 Adam But you're not Harry, Leanna?

1:13:09 Caller Of course I'm not Harry.

1:13:11 Adam All right, baby. That's cool.

1:13:13 Caller Unless you like that kind of thing, Adam.

1:13:15 Adam No. But you don't do that crazy eyebrow thing, do you? No, no, no. Armenian chicks go nuts with the eyebrows.

1:13:21 Caller What's that?

1:13:22 Adam It's just a crazy eyebrow makeup. Too much eye makeup.

1:13:26 Caller There's a lot of chicks that wear a lot of makeup.

1:13:28 Caller It's not just Armenian girls.

1:13:29 Adam Yeah, but it's important for me to categorize and then denigrate.

1:13:32 Caller Oh, terrible.

1:13:34 Adam Okay, baby.

1:13:35 Caller Well, thank you, so I want you to say out loud, Armenian women are beautiful.

1:13:39 Adam Armenian women are beautiful.

1:13:41 Caller Oh, hey, come on.

1:13:43 Adam All right, all right. Please, everybody, be you. Don't worry about your nationality. Your nationality doesn't owe you ass. Just dump it. They're going to bail you out and you get thrown in jail. You got you and you got your friends. Everyone just drop your nationality. Just leave that for the professionals to make fun of. Don't worry about it so much. Paul?

1:14:08 Caller Yep.

1:14:08 Adam You're 25?

1:14:10 Caller Yeah. I had a question for Dr. Drew. He always talks about obtaining or sense of self, like a loss of sense of self. That's it. I'm 25. I have a decent job. I have my own apartment. I am divorced.

1:14:27 Caller I have two kids.

1:14:29 Caller But I love my kids. But, man, I'm just totally lost.

1:14:37 Adam Well, why do you feel lost?

1:14:39 Caller You know, probably just like past abuse issues. My family screwed up. I know that. I listen to this show all the time. I can give great advice to my sisters, my friends. But when it comes down to me and Brax getting over things, I just keep screwing myself over.

1:14:59 Drew What's the primary issue in your family of origin? Well, why would this screw it up?

1:15:05 Caller Molestation, rape. Stepdad is psychotic, kind of. He would just get like really angry. And like he threw a chair through the Arcadia door.

1:15:18 Caller Where's my bourbon?

1:15:20 Caller Still hasn't fixed that door, you know.

1:15:22 Adam What's an Arcadia door? Huh?

1:15:25 Caller It's one of the sliding glass doors.

1:15:27 Adam Oh, they call that Arcadia door?

1:15:28 Caller They used to, I know, when I was little.

1:15:30 Adam Yeah, good times. Maybe I always just call them sliding doors or bay windows.

1:15:35 Caller Sliding glass door. And you know, it's just, you know, I know I've been depressed for, since I was like a little kid.

1:15:41 Adam Yeah. Have you ever got any therapy?

1:15:44 Caller I was, from the time when I left home, I went to live with my cousins. And she had a really, she could press my buttons really well.

1:15:53 Drew Who, your cousin?

1:15:53 Caller Yeah, my cousin, she was quite a bit older than me. And she kind of didn't want me living there anymore. So I kind of went nuts a little bit, you know.

1:16:03 Adam Right.

1:16:03 Caller I started cutting on myself. And they put me in a, you know, like a rehab kind of place with, you know, any people that are like anorexic, drug problems.

1:16:13 Adam Hey, Paul.

1:16:13 Caller Yeah.

1:16:14 Adam You ever got any therapy?

1:16:17 Caller Not consistent.

1:16:18 Adam Well, that's the answer. You're torturing yourself and you're going to end up screwing up your kids. Nowhere, you're not going to pull the number on them that your parents pulled on you. But it's just hard to have a parent that's troubled. Kids sense that. Even if you're being good to them, it's hard when, you know, daddy's in pain.

1:16:37 Caller Yeah.

1:16:37 Adam Okay.

1:16:38 Caller You know, I just.

1:16:39 Adam You got it.

1:16:40 Caller I don't stick with it because.

1:16:41 Adam Well, stick with it.

1:16:42 Drew Because why?

1:16:43 Caller Because it seems like every time I talk to, I've gone and I've talked and I've gotten a therapist. It seems like every one I've gone to wants to just find out the dirt, the bad things that I've done, you know, instead of like, you know, helping me just grow past it, you know, or, you know.

1:17:02 Adam Well, look, you can tell them whatever you want to tell them or not tell them, whatever you don't want to tell them.

1:17:07 Drew That is up to you.

1:17:08 Adam That the dirt, as you call it, is kind of the part that you do need to get to.

1:17:12 Drew Absolutely.

1:17:13 Adam But you don't need to get to it all at once. But let me tell you, everybody, going to the shrink and saying, I went a few times and it didn't work, it's like announcing you're going to be a black belt in Taekwondo.

1:17:25 Drew Yes.

1:17:25 Adam Going to the dojo three times and going, where's my black belt? This sucks. I can't kick any ass. I'm going home.

1:17:31 Drew That and people go to therapist and whatnot expecting to feel better. That's not going to happen right away.

1:17:39 Caller No.

1:17:39 Drew In fact, you're going to feel worse.

1:17:41 Adam There's a sort of breaking down before you build that.

1:17:44 Drew That can be a long time, but it's what you have to go through. If it wasn't uncomfortable, you'd do it already yourself.

1:17:50 Adam Right. I masturbate and I mutter my mother's name. That's what I do with the therapist. You don't just go, That's what I do with my therapist. I sit there and I go. I come back the next week, Where did we leave off? And he says, I think we were at Hubslop-a-Dop. And I go, Oh yes, yes, that's right. That's what I was talking about.

1:18:46 Drew That's what he hears.

1:18:48 Adam Crystal?

1:18:49 Caller Yeah.

1:18:50 Adam That's what he hears because that's what comes out of my mouth. I don't get into anything. I just do it to say I'm going to therapy. Crystal?

1:18:56 Caller Yeah.

1:18:57 Adam You're 17, what's up? Hold on. You know what's weird? You got a therapist and you see somebody in the waiting room and it's kind of weird, weird little eye contact thing. You don't know what to say. It's not like other waiting rooms, not like the hey what's up waiting room. It's like the oh okay. And occasionally there's something weird like everything in the therapist's office that has to do with the therapist's office is extra weird. I don't know why. I guess there's a stigma attached to it but it's just weird. And once in a while, when you get to the shrinks office, you'll hit like a switch and that will let them know you're in the waiting room, right? But there's a couple of switches and there's other therapists sometimes working sharing the same waiting room.

1:19:40 Drew You're the wrong one sometimes?

1:19:41 Adam Well, no. What happens is you hit your switch and then you stand there by the door, but the door opens, but it's not your therapist, it's the other therapist who's there waiting on their patient and hit the switch two minutes earlier and you're like, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. You go sit down. They always have crappy magazines. They don't have any good like big jugs magazine or... and there's no car magazines. It's all country homes and country living. I guess they're trying to relax you or say, look, here's what you should aspire to. Shouldn't be worried about tractor poles. Okay. You know what I'm talking about, Drew, that weirdness? Yeah. And then every like, every ninth time you go to the therapist, there's a strange person in the waiting room that you don't know what to make of. You're like, who's that dude? I've never seen that dude. I've come here for three years. I've never seen that dude. And he's sitting there and you don't know where... you don't know how to say anything to him or not. He's telling that you don't want to stay in front of any eye contact.

1:20:44 Drew Kind of like standing next to somebody in the john, the latrine.

1:20:47 Adam It's a combination between taking a leak next to someone at the urinal with no divider between you and renting porn. Strange kind of energy. Like when you go to the port, when you rent porn and there's another dude renting porn and you brush up against them or bump into them, you don't say anything. You don't go, oh, pardon me. It's like, dude. Or in fact, you don't say anything.

1:21:10 Drew Do you look up even?

1:21:11 Adam You don't acknowledge it. You don't acknowledge it. You just keep looking. Keep looking down. It's the same, same vibe. Yeah, that when you're urinating. Same thing. Crystal?

1:21:21 Caller Yeah.

1:21:21 Adam All right. I'm sorry. Seventeen?

1:21:23 Caller Yeah. First time caller. And you guys are great. I want to tell you that. Okay. Actually, I have a lot of things going on in my life right now. Like I said, like you said, I'm 17 and I'm pregnant. I'm almost seven months pregnant. And the real question or like concern or something in the future I just want to get through is like I haven't had a real boyfriend, you know, in my past.

1:21:55 Adam Who knocked you up?

1:21:57 Drew Wasn't a boyfriend.

1:21:59 Caller No, it wasn't. It was just a fling. And well, I was, you know, because I haven't had a boyfriend, a real boyfriend. You know, how am I going to deal with having a kid and having a relationship later on in life?

1:22:18 Drew Well, oh, but you mean is having a kid going to prevent you from having a boyfriend?

1:22:24 Caller Yeah.

1:22:24 Drew I mean, or is it? Are you asking that you've never been able to have a boyfriend? Are you ever going to be able to handle intimacy?

1:22:32 Caller Yeah. I mean, both.

1:22:33 Drew Both. Okay, both.

1:22:35 Adam Well, why don't you give the kid up for adoption?

1:22:39 Caller No.

1:22:40 Drew How come?

1:22:41 Caller It's a part of me.

1:22:43 Drew No, it isn't. No, it isn't. It's a separate person.

1:22:46 Adam True. Go, buddy.

1:22:48 Drew It's a separate person. You start thinking of it as a part of you and you're going to raise a severely disturbed, emotionally disturbed person.

1:22:58 Caller It's my responsibility and it's something that I did and I have to take care of it. It's not a problem.

1:23:05 Drew And wouldn't taking care of it be...

1:23:07 Caller I can't just shove away the problem.

1:23:09 Drew Right. You could get it. You make sure it's cared for by loving parents who really want to raise kids.

1:23:15 Caller No, because I love my baby and I want to be there for it.

1:23:21 Adam I know. It's all pie in the sky.

1:23:24 Caller Okay.

1:23:24 Adam All right, so what are you going to do, live at home?

1:23:27 Caller No. Actually, I'm going to be kicked out pretty soon.

1:23:30 Adam You're going to be kicked out?

1:23:32 Caller Yeah. Well, you know, I'm going to be 18, so...

1:23:34 Adam Well, yeah, but you're going to have a kid in two months, so what are you going to do? How do you know you're getting kicked out?

1:23:41 Caller I'm still going to school.

1:23:42 Drew Yeah. How are you going to support a child? That's her question. And how do you know you're being kicked out?

1:23:46 Caller What?

1:23:47 Adam How do you know you're getting kicked out at 18?

1:23:49 Caller Well, because my mom told me.

1:23:51 Drew And then how are you going to support the child?

1:23:53 Caller Well, my parents are going to give me some money. They're going to give me a car. And I'm going to move out with my friend.

1:24:01 Drew Wow. Listen, if that's your idea of how you support someone, is somebody gives you a car and magically I'll be able to put food on the table.

1:24:09 Caller No, no, no. See, when I'm going to be moving out with my friend, I'm still going to be going to school, but they have a daycare at my school. During that time, I can, she, my friend can babysit my kid.

1:24:22 Drew Who's going to buy food? How are you going to afford?

1:24:24 Adam Their parents are going to give her money.

1:24:26 Caller She's pregnant too. So she's going to be staying at home, and she's working right now.

1:24:31 Adam All right, baby. You both should give the kids up for adoption. I mean, obviously, it's the right thing to do, but fine. Here's all I'm saying. And as I'm saying this to you and every other young girl in your position, keep the kid. I understand fully why you're keeping the kid. But don't look at that as noble. That's the part I don't like about this whole thing. I understand it's yours. It's grown in you. You feel attached to it, and you're going to do it. But don't so many people turn this around into I'm doing the right thing. I'm doing the noble thing. I'm fulfilling my responsibilities. No, you're being selfish by not giving the kid up. You've got two screwballs who are 17 and don't know their ass from the hole in the ground. You're going to be living together, and you're going to screw these kids up. Yeah, I don't know if they're going to be serial killers. They might be all right. But it is not a noble thought.

1:25:31 Drew The noble thing is to put your feelings aside and do what's really right for the kid.

1:25:35 Adam Yes, you are jeopardizing the welfare of the kids to some degree. And as far as, Crystal, you getting a boyfriend, it's sort of academic at this point. I mean, right now. Well, it is academic. You give your seven months of pregnancy, it's going to be hard to land a man.

1:25:53 Drew For a couple of years, you're going to be busy.

1:25:55 Adam You're going to have your child and then do all that that takes.

1:25:59 Drew They also have no idea what they're getting into with a baby and stuff. They want them to go to school and have... No, no, no, not for a while.

1:26:06 Adam Well, look at it this way. Seventeen year olds are retards. I was a retard. I'm not saying Crystal in general. I just mean, at seventeen, you couldn't run a business. You couldn't do many, many things that you can do as an adult. At seventeen, you have difficulty navigating through life. It is enough to take care of you. And there's many things you can't do at seventeen. I don't know why magically this will be one of the things you'll do. And here's the problem with parenting. No one ever gives you a grade on it. It's like, well, the kid didn't die, so you passed. Meanwhile, we got a world full of screwed up kids because everyone's getting doing D and F work. Thank you, Drew.

1:27:03 Drew Well done.

1:27:03 Adam We'll take a break.

1:27:05 Caller Hello, this is your radio. Love Line will be right back.

1:27:44 Adam Hey, hey, yo.

1:27:50 Caller Hey, Drew.

1:27:54 Adam Bob Sabat, man. We're bad on the phone. What's happening to them? Tina. 20 and the same.

1:28:01 Caller Hi.

1:28:02 Drew Hi, Tina.

1:28:03 Adam What's going on with them today?

1:28:05 Drew What's up, Tina?

1:28:06 Caller Oh, okay. Hi. I just wanted to say that I absolutely adore you guys. And I really believe you guys help a lot of people.

1:28:14 Adam Well, we've got them.

1:28:17 Caller And I was calling, I'm 20, and I guess I live a pretty sheltered life, because recently my uncle had passed away, and I was really, really close to him, and he was found in his home, nude, with a zipped, a releasable zip tie around his neck.

1:28:36 Drew And, Oh, yeah, this is a case in point for your service.

1:28:40 Caller Yeah.

1:28:40 Drew What was that clean up service called? Um, Rest In Peace?

1:28:45 Caller Rest Assures.

1:28:46 Adam Yeah. See, if you subscribe to my service, $22 a month, when you kick off, we come in and clean things up just a little bit before the folks come in and find you with the junk in the hand and the ziplock on the head. I would have clothed them, put them on the sofa, put a Bible in this lap, and removed all pornography from the house before the authorities showed up.

1:29:10 Caller Oh, well, I don't know exactly all in detail because, like I said, I must live a sheltered life.

1:29:15 Adam Well, who told you about this much?

1:29:17 Drew Well, why was that public knowledge?

1:29:19 Caller Yeah. Well, actually, I was at his house. Like, we hit my uncle.

1:29:24 Drew You found him?

1:29:24 Caller We have a very close family. Did you find him? We hadn't heard from my uncle in a day. So my mom called me and told me that she was going to stop by my uncle's house.

1:29:33 Drew Oh, boy.

1:29:33 Caller And she walked by, went to his house, and the door was open and she pushed open and found him.

1:29:39 Drew And you were there with her?

1:29:40 Caller Well, she called me on her cell phone and she was panicking, so I left work and rushed out there. By the time I got there, the coroners were there and I saw them.

1:29:49 Adam Wait a minute. Why was the front door open?

1:29:51 Caller It was unlocked and she knocked because his truck was there and she pushed open the door and there he was.

1:29:56 Drew She went in.

1:29:56 Adam How old was he?

1:29:58 Caller He was 37. And he was my godfather, so I didn't really know this side.

1:30:04 Drew He was your godfather?

1:30:05 Caller Yeah, and he was supposed to walk me down the aisle. He's been like my father figure.

1:30:09 Drew That can't even be a bogus quality. You're thinking a little too much.

1:30:12 Caller No, not like that. But, you know, he'd always been there.

1:30:16 Drew Hold on a second. Hold on a second. You should push that a little too hard. You know what I'm saying?

1:30:20 Adam Too many.

1:30:21 Drew Too many, yeah. Too many.

1:30:23 Adam It's becoming too ironic, too bizarre.

1:30:25 Drew Right.

1:30:25 Adam Push the door open, call in the cell phone. Autonomous asphyxiation.

1:30:31 Drew Walk me down the aisle. Godfather.

1:30:35 Adam What happened to your godfather? I died of autonomous asphyxiation.

1:30:39 Caller Same here.

1:30:40 Caller Same thing happened.

1:30:42 Adam Is that my godfather or what?

1:30:44 Drew Let's see what the question is.

1:30:46 Caller The question is, how do people get involved in something like that and what is erotic asphyxiation? I mean, I kind of assume that it has to do with a pornography type of thing, but I don't understand why you would put something around your neck for that type of purpose. A hollow person would get involved in that.

1:31:05 Adam What do you mean? Did he have the bag on his head when you showed up?

1:31:08 Caller It wasn't a bag. It was a releasable zip tie.

1:31:12 Adam He was strangling himself that way?

1:31:15 Caller Yeah, but they said that it could have been an erotic asphyxiation with him.

1:31:18 Drew What's a zip tie?

1:31:20 Adam A zip tie is something you use to tie wires together. Electricians use it.

1:31:26 Drew But doesn't it locks though, right?

1:31:28 Adam Yeah, it locks. It's not releasable.

1:31:30 Caller No, they have releasable kind if you go to Home Depot and stuff like that.

1:31:35 Drew And you examined this instrument sufficiently to know exactly what was around his neck?

1:31:40 Caller Well, I got a copy of the corners report because I didn't have any closure. I needed to know what happened.

1:31:46 Drew All right. Well, let me just answer the question. Okay. Qualities about your story that sort of don't work for us, but be that as it may. What people do is they find ways to cut off the oxygen supply to their brain because it intensifies orgasm. It gives sort of a hallucinatory, euphoric experience. It's what many other things like sniffing glue and these sorts of things can do as well. It basically cuts the oxygen supply off your brain and it's probably what the white light is. You see when you're dying, when you have no blood pressure, it's just your brain gives you these intense experiences. If you had somebody discovered that if you had orgasm to that, it's pretty intense. So he must have liked what that was. I'm sorry that happened.

1:32:26 Adam He died doing what he loved.

1:32:27 Drew God's work.

1:32:30 Adam Can you imagine him finding me tonight with my night vision, porn goggles on? He had a massive coronary. Our hypothesis is that the surround sound, the sensory deprivation goggles he had on just became too much, too much. And it was the eighth time he beat off. As best as we can tell from the scene, the reason the lamps knocked over, of course he probably pulled the calf muscle about four minutes into his masturbatory session, but apparently he had then recovered and moved on. So the lamp, I know, initially we thought there was a struggle.

1:33:20 Drew Of course, he wouldn't have never thought of removing the glasses, so he may not have been aware that the lamp was knocked over.

1:33:28 Adam I'm telling you, you've got to see these things, a DVD with the virtual reality goggles. It's crazy, crazy. Pants around my ankles, virtual reality goggles on, flipping them up, looking to see what time it is. We'll be back.

1:33:49 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me, so what's up? So I was like, you know, I used to think that these datelines were totally cheesy.

1:33:55 Caller But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell?

1:33:57 Caller So I called the dateline and actually met a cool guy. I called the dateline and I hooked up with some cool people. Believe it or not, other normal people are out there looking too.

1:34:04 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:34:07 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:34:46 Adam All right. Loveline, Dr. Drew Loveline, System of Down, Harry Bell, Armenian.

1:34:58 Drew Dinner.

1:34:58 Adam Dinner. Farma. So until next time, push, push. This is Blam Loro for WSan Cabal.

1:35:06 Drew I love you. I'm just not in love with you anymore. And I want to see other people, Adam.

1:35:11 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, January 9, 2002