Episode 1000754886897

1:12 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla, that is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist and I clipped something else on the freeway on the way in tonight.

1:28 Drew Boy, you crabby.

1:29 Adam Big retread tire, whack, right on my beautiful car.

1:33 Drew Fortunately, I can empathize with you, it hurts me. That car of yours is amazing.

1:39 Adam Thank you, thank you, Drew.

1:40 Drew One thing I've noticed though, have you ever noticed about yourself? You know how you've been working hard lately, you've been getting up in the morning, you've been complaining about it every night here.

1:47 Adam Right, right, I do a lot of complaining, yeah.

1:49 Drew Yeah, when you're having to work like that every day, you can be a colossal a-hole at night time.

1:54 Adam Really?

1:54 Drew You notice that? It really affects you, it very much affects you.

1:57 Adam Really?

1:58 Drew Oh, hugely. Work, you hate it.

2:01 Adam I hate work?

2:02 Drew Apparently.

2:04 Adam Well, I don't hate work, I just hate the part of work where you have to leave your house.

2:09 Drew Especially in the morning without sleep.

2:11 Adam Yeah, if they could come over to my place, get filming around noon.

2:15 Drew Oh man, can you imagine that? Hey, hey, I wanna show you something, come on down here. Let's hit the heavy bag for a couple of minutes. I'll just pee over here in the corner of the bucket a little bit. All right, let's go.

2:25 Well, all right.

2:26 Adam I've been a little crabby and I know I've-

2:28 It's the work though.

2:29 Drew It's the work, I think.

2:30 Adam No, I don't know.

2:31 Drew Yeah, because you get that way when the man shows full tilt too.

2:33 Adam Oh really? Well, everything becomes amplified. It's like those headache commercials. You know the headache commercial?

2:39 Drew Yeah.

2:40 Adam Woman's standing in the kitchen, kids playing with the toy, the jack in the box, it starts getting louder.

2:45 Louder, louder, right, right.

2:47 Adam And then, you know, there's a squirrel out on a branch through the window and it's like eating a nut. It's like crunch, crunch, crunch. And then what they do is they break off into squares. It starts circling my head.

3:00 Drew They're going faster and faster.

3:01 Adam That's right, that's right. Drew punching the microphone repeatedly, rattling empty cans, Anderson playing insulting drops, Drew chomping on saltines into the mic. Yeah. All right. Well.

3:17 Drew So it's over. Your work, your stint's over.

3:19 Adam Well, I got a decent day tomorrow, but then we're doing Mad TV tomorrow. Me and Jimmy. And then that's it. But today, yeah, up at six. My God, it is dark at 630 in the morning, everybody.

3:33 Pitch black.

3:34 Drew You know, since, between like November and March. Yeah, that's the way it gets.

3:39 Adam Well, you see, I usually hibernate.

3:41 Drew Oh, I know.

3:42 Adam Not used to being up at that time. Okay, ready to roll?

3:46 Drew You're okay tonight. It's not you're good. No guests to worry about. Look at this.

3:49 Adam No, no troublemakers.

3:51 Drew It's all good.

3:51 Adam I took a nice two and a half hour nap when I got home.

3:54 No wonder.

3:56 Adam Feeling good. All right, let's get to the phones and speak to Gerald. Gerald?

4:01 Hi, how are you doing?

4:02 Adam Good.

4:03 Yeah, I actually made up my question.

4:05 Drew Oh, that was a good one too.

4:07 It is qualified.

4:09 I've actually used it before.

4:10 This is like the third time I've used it.

4:11 Drew To get on the show.

4:12 Yeah, it's great.

4:13 Adam Drew, start doing your job, buddy.

4:15 Drew Wow, you think I'd remember it.

4:17 Well, Damien had never heard it. He's new. Oh. All right. Well, anyway, I wanted to...

4:23 Drew He was a zygote last time he called in.

4:26 Adam All right. Why did we cut him off? What?

4:30 Drew They don't like it. They're offended. They call the screeners and his whole family.

4:33 Adam No, listen, your job is not to cut the calls off when we're talking to people, you a-holes. Jesus Christ, what the F you think we're running here? Are you kidding me?

4:43 Drew Gerald?

4:44 Adam Don't touch that thing unless we tell you to.

4:46 We're rewarding that real prick here.

4:48 Adam That's what we're doing. Well, listen, seriously, if the guy says, you know, uses some profanity, cut him off, but you don't just edit the calls.

4:56 Drew Gerald?

4:57 Yeah?

4:57 Drew What's the deal?

4:58 All right. I just wanted to sing. So are you guys ready?

5:00 Drew You wanted to sing?

5:01 Yeah. It's just an original here.

5:05 Drew You're gay. No, no, no, no.

5:06 Adam Yeah, okay.

5:07 All right.

5:07 Drew There we go.

5:09 Adam Chris? You're 16?

5:11 Caller Yes, I am.

5:12 Caller How's it going?

5:12 Adam What's up?

5:14 Caller Well, I was over at my friend's house with a bunch of friends. We were having a good time. We got in his hot tub. And we're up here in Minnesota, right? So there's snow on the ground all the time. And his hot tub's outdoors. So we have these snow contests. You know, so you can roll in the snow the longest. You can run the farthest.

5:35 Caller Right.

5:36 Caller So, um.

5:37 Drew That was a male thing.

5:38 Caller Right.

5:38 Caller Yeah. It's pretty awesome.

5:39 Drew Yeah. Great.

5:40 Caller So anyway, we have the, of course, the belly down naked snow dive.

5:45 Caller Right.

5:46 Adam Is it thick enough that you can get a real run and start?

5:49 Caller Oh, yeah.

5:49 Drew Are you naked?

5:50 Adam Yeah.

5:51 Caller Yeah.

5:51 Drew Well, maybe they're bathing in the snow. Let's do a nice area. It's Minnesota.

5:56 Caller This is pretty nice. I actually took the record for this one.

5:58 Drew All right.

5:59 Caller Which was? At 40 seconds, which is not bad, I think.

6:04 Drew When you went back in the hot tub, was your penis still stuck in the snow? No.

6:08 Adam Like you licked the flagpole?

6:09 Drew Right. Exactly. No.

6:11 Caller It was just fine. But I was just wondering, how long does it take to get frostbite?

6:17 Drew Oh, you aren't wondering that. You live in Minnesota. You know better than anybody. No, of course not.

6:22 Caller I just want to get on the radio and be like, God.

6:27 Adam What was his question?

6:29 Drew How long does it take to get frostbite?

6:30 Adam What's the screen say?

6:32 Drew Kept his penis in the snow for 40 seconds. Is that bad?

6:39 Adam What is this show deteriorated to, Drew?

6:41 Drew It looks, actually to me, it deteriorated into the television show. Oh, really? That sounds like whenever the TV show used to tease.

6:48 Adam Yeah.

6:48 Drew Yeah. I think it teases the TV show.

6:51 Adam Stephanie?

6:52 Drew Yes?

6:52 Adam You're 20?

6:53 Caller Yes. Next week, I'm going to the gynecologist.

6:56 Adam Oh, BS.

6:57 Caller No, seriously. And since my last visit, I started having anal sex. And I was wondering if it's something I needed to tell my doctor or not.

7:06 Drew Is it male or female, doctor?

7:08 Caller It's a female.

7:09 Drew Do you feel comfortable talking to her?

7:10 Caller Yeah.

7:11 Drew Yeah, you should. Anything going wrong with that? Do you have any problems?

7:15 Caller No, it's fine.

7:16 Drew I think it's worthwhile discussing it. And so if you do get in any trouble, she can be alert. Because things can happen. No, Adam says no. Wait till there's trouble, then tell her.

7:26 Adam Why do you have to give him a heads up? If there's trouble.

7:29 Drew You don't have to, but when she does the exam, she can look around for abscesses and things.

7:32 Adam Drew, would you want a heads up from one of your patients?

7:35 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

7:36 Adam Even if it was a dude?

7:38 No.

7:41 Caller Oh, and Adam?

7:42 Adam Yeah?

7:43 Caller Next time you're in DC., I have a room waiting for you and the hot tub is out back.

7:47 Adam All right. I'm going to do one of my famous...

7:49 Caller Still here.

7:50 Adam I do one of my famous penis-first snow dives.

7:53 Caller Well, there's no snow in the ground.

7:54 Drew Where are you, in Arlington or something?

7:55 Caller Yeah, Virginia.

7:57 Adam Where do you live, at home?

7:58 Caller Yeah, I'm going to school and I live at home.

8:00 Caller Where are you going to school?

8:01 Caller It's called Marymount University.

8:03 Adam What would your folks think if I came by and took a hot tub?

8:07 Caller They won't care.

8:08 Adam Are they cool?

8:09 Caller Yeah. Yeah, they're pretty cool about everything.

8:11 Adam They don't mind if I drink? Because I like to drink when I'm in the tub.

8:14 Caller We have a wet bar downstairs with a big screen, so come on by.

8:19 Adam Are you one of those rich chicks?

8:21 Caller Sort of, yeah.

8:22 Adam Oh, I love that.

8:24 Caller We'll go to the HFS together.

8:26 Adam Yeah. All right, Steph. Are you good looking?

8:29 Caller Yep.

8:30 Adam Wow.

8:30 Drew You know who lives out there is Pete.

8:32 Adam Wow, that's great.

8:32 Drew Pete lives right in this area.

8:33 Adam Who's Pete?

8:34 Drew Pete's your manager's assistant.

8:36 Adam Okay.

8:37 Drew So come by.

8:39 Adam Drew, you realize why I have to say who's Pete?

8:41 Drew I knew you'd say that. If you didn't, I'd explain it.

8:44 Adam Oh, really?

8:44 Drew Yeah, that time I'd actually thought it out.

8:46 Adam All right. I don't believe you. Okay, Stephanie, I'll be by.

8:49 Caller Okay.

8:50 Adam All right, see you soon. Warm up the tub and get them toddies hot.

8:54 Caller I will.

8:55 Adam You know what I like? I like a nice hot booze drink. You know?

8:59 Drew Hot mulled wine.

9:01 Adam That's good. Cider's real good.

9:04 Drew Cider's solid.

9:06 Adam Hot toddies are good.

9:07 Drew You know what you don't do out here that we used to do in New England, believe it or not, was hot chocolate and schnapps. That was a big drink in New England.

9:14 Adam What kind of schnapps?

9:15 Drew I don't know. That was the first thing they sort of thrust at you when you got to college.

9:19 Adam Didn't schnapps have to be like apricot or peppermint or something like that?

9:22 Drew Peppermint. I'm sorry. I didn't know there was different other than peppermint.

9:25 Adam I think there are different schnapp varieties. Jeremy? Yes. Peppermint being the most popular. That's true. Yeah. You're 20. What's up?

9:35 Caller I have a problem with drugs, mainly methamphetamines, one, to escape from reality and two, but it started off for sexual purposes.

9:48 Drew What can be? Wait a second. What's the reality you need to escape from?

9:53 Adam Everything.

9:54 Drew What's the problem?

9:57 Caller I've completely, everything I've built, I just lost. I mean, I'm going to become homeless now.

10:03 Drew So to try to manage depression, you're using amphetamines, right?

10:08 Caller Yeah.

10:08 Adam What do you mean? Hold on. What do you mean everything you've built? Is it an empire or is it a mini truck in a one-bedroom apartment?

10:16 Caller It is a one-bedroom apartment.

10:18 Adam All right.

10:20 Caller I have a wife in the sixth one.

10:21 Drew Oh, boy.

10:22 Caller I just moved from Arizona to Oregon to get away from a lot of problems. I thought I could change and get up here and deal with them.

10:31 Adam Listen, you cannot run from your problems. You must nap from them like I do.

10:36 Drew Doing a geographic, you don't do that. But listen, what was this sexual effect you were getting from the speed?

10:42 Caller For stamina. I had noticed for me and a couple of my friends too.

10:47 Drew It's not stamina. It's just sort of a shutdown. Yeah. It's delayed ejaculation.

10:54 Caller I was just wondering what would be the long-term side effects?

10:58 Drew Well, you can get... Speed will eventually do something very similar to what ecstasy does. It burns out the cells in the limbic system of the brain, and you end up with memory problems and chronic depression.

11:09 Adam You can lose your six-month-old and your wife in one bedroom, too.

11:13 Drew The addiction will take all that away from you, but purely the biological effects of the speed can damage the brain.

11:20 Caller Man.

11:21 Adam Well, you want to get off it, right?

11:24 Caller Yeah.

11:24 Drew Go to NA. Get a sponsor. Get some support. Deal with this. Call NA right now. Put the phone down. Give me the...

11:33 Adam No, no.

11:34 Drew Give me the NA phone number. I know it's a lot to ask you to reach to your right, Adam. It's very difficult.

11:41 Adam Well, what... Drew, let me ask you this. Let me just add, hypothetically...

11:45 Drew Where in Oregon are you?

11:47 Adam Hypothetically, Springfield. What are the chances of you getting your phone book and your book of the anatomy and setting it down in front of you before each show?

11:57 Drew Good idea.

11:58 Adam All right.

11:59 Drew I wouldn't want you to have to reach.

12:01 Adam No, no. We end up getting in the argument. Give me the anatomy book. No, I don't want to give it to you. Get it. Well, you need a little cheat sheet, Drew.

12:10 Drew What is...

12:10 Adam Oh, he can open the phone book and get the NA number. Can he?

12:14 Caller Yes, I can.

12:15 Drew You're willing to do that?

12:16 Caller Yes.

12:16 Caller All right. Can I say one thing, too?

12:19 Caller Yeah. I know it's kind of sad that I'm calling you with this problem, but I've been listening to you guys since 96 in Phoenix, Arizona. It's funny.

12:30 Drew Arizona Phoenix?

12:31 Caller All the way since we moved up here, I've been able to listen to you guys.

12:36 Adam Thanks. Well, you were what, 14, 15 when you started listening?

12:39 Caller Yeah.

12:40 Adam Now you're 20, you got a six-month-old and you're a junkie. Drew, nice work. Hope you should feel good about yourself there, buddy.

12:47 Drew Jeremy sure feels good at the point of his-

12:48 Adam You're really earning your money. That wasn't meant toward you, buddy. That was meant toward Drew. All right, buddy. Open that phone book and do us proud. All right. Would you take care of yourself? It really looks bad on our record. I've got someone who's been listening to the show since they were 15, probably a straight arrow before you got to this show and now you're all messed up. So pick up that phone book and make that call, all right? All right.

13:12 Caller All right, Jeremy.

13:13 Drew All right, Jeremy.

13:13 Caller Thank you.

13:14 Adam All right.

13:15 Drew Yeah, I know you don't care about him. It's just a blemish against our record.

13:18 Adam Well, that could go against our bonus at the end of the year.

13:21 Drew I see.

13:22 Adam Yeah. I was going to get some monogram kid slippers with that. The Spiegel catalog. $378. Kids. No, kid. Kid. Like lamb. Kid gloves. It's kid.

13:41 Drew Is it?

13:41 Adam Yeah, kid is a baby lamb or something, right? You hear the term? I got to put my kid gloves on.

13:49 Drew Okay.

13:50 Adam People screw that one up.

13:51 Drew Okay.

13:52 Adam I don't think people know that one.

13:53 Drew I thought it was kid gloves. I never knew what the reference was to.

13:56 Adam I think it's kid.

13:57 Drew All right, let's look it up. Look it up.

13:59 Adam All right. Isn't that a baby lamb?

14:01 Drew It sounds right. Yeah.

14:02 Adam Isn't there some song with some kiddly-divy-doo? Is that kid? Little lambs. Okay. Let's get in there. Let's look that up. Brad?

14:14 Yeah.

14:16 Adam What's up? You're 15.

14:18 Caller Okay. There's this girl I know that has chlamydia and I was wondering if there was a virus or like how long it would last or whatever.

14:28 Drew I'm not getting the question.

14:30 Caller Okay. There's this girl that I was planning on having sex with.

14:33 Drew And you know that she has chlamydia untreated.

14:36 Caller No. She's taking antibiotics.

14:38 Drew For how long?

14:40 Caller About three days.

14:42 Caller Hmm.

14:45 Drew All right. What's the question?

14:46 Caller I was wanting to know if it was like safe, like if it was a virus.

14:52 Drew It's really more of a bacteria than a virus.

14:54 Caller Okay.

14:54 Drew And these days, most people treat it with a single dose of an antibiotic called azithromycin. And I'm curious to what they'd be using to treat her that would take more than a single dose and what else they might think is going on. So if I were you, I'd wait until she completes her antibiotics before I did anything. Okay. And then she's tested and cleared. God, guys are amazing.

15:17 Adam Yeah.

15:17 Drew She's got three days left of antibiotics. Can we just get on with it now?

15:21 Adam Can I do her anally or do her mom or something? I mean, we are talking about 72 hours. Drew, how does this work? When you're sleep deprived, you want to just like smoke and eat and drink. Like there's something that makes you just want to do. You know when you get drunk and you think it's a good idea at 4 AM to go out and get a chili burger, and chain smoke and drink some more and then eat some chili fries?

15:48 Drew I think that's a different thing.

15:49 Adam It's a different thing? Well, here's what I'm saying. Why is it, you know, I go to bed at 2 AM and I get up at 9, 30 or 10 every morning.

15:58 Drew And you're fine.

15:59 Adam I get up at 10, I'm not even hungry. I go downstairs, I have a yogurt and I leave for work.

16:04 Drew Now, get up at six.

16:05 Adam Get up at six? I'm famished. I mean, I'm like, I'm weak. I don't know if I'm gonna make it out to the car.

16:12 Drew There's probably multiple factors. One is you're interrupting a sleep cycle and what you're experiencing is hunger. Who knows what that has to do with your sleep mechanism.

16:19 Adam You're dreaming about a breakfast burrito.

16:22 Drew Your biology is off. Secondly, I believe when you're fatigued, all kinds of things kick in. For one thing is you want relief. You want to feel okay. You feel like crap and you're trying to get some relief.

16:31 Adam Yeah, you need something.

16:32 Drew And your body's sort of craving something, searching for some sort of energy or some sort of, you know, something to feel better. So it's also, it's regulating to try to feel better and also trying to get something going.

16:43 Adam Yeah, I know. I walked on to the Sun of the Beach set this morning at 7 a.m. and I was like, I need a breakfast burrito and I mean, I need it now. I mean, I'm wasting away here and I'm thinking to myself, you know, if I don't get this breakfast burrito by 7 a.m. or 8 a.m., I may just collapse. And I thought, you don't normally eat for another five hours.

17:01 Drew Yes. And when I was in training, I would get this strange empty, like gnawing feeling in my stomach that was like quasi-hungry, quasi- like ulcer pain. And I would eat, because it was in a county hospital, no food, except graham crackers and inshore gained about 20 pounds. I just, I would eat graham crackers. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't tolerate it.

17:18 Adam Graham crackers and inshore, that supplement for old people.

17:22 Drew It's the only nutritional, I mean, although that was like sawdust, syringes I could chew on.

17:27 Adam They had that inshore 20 years ago?

17:29 Drew Yeah.

17:29 Adam Because it didn't come into commercial use until a few years back.

17:32 Drew It's been around for a long time.

17:33 Adam Wow. I didn't know they sold it.

17:35 Drew Was I in training 20 years ago? Oh my God.

17:38 Adam Yep. Time to kill yourself.

17:39 Caller Oh.

17:41 Drew 20 years ago.

17:43 Adam Let me tell you, I got my 20 year high school reunion thing in the mail the other day. You want to know old.

17:50 Drew I went to my college 20 year reunion. That means my 20 year medical school reunions coming up.

17:56 Adam Pretty soon we'll be celebrating the 20th year of your cremation.

18:02 Drew Thanks. It's nice. Good time.

18:03 Adam We got that to look forward to. That'll be your next milestone. We put them in the oven 20 years ago today.

18:10 Drew Good time we had.

18:12 Adam It was a good time. Let a cigarette off is earned. Amy?

18:15 Yeah?

18:16 Adam You're 19?

18:17 Caller Uh-huh.

18:17 Adam What's up?

18:18 Caller Hi. First of all, I just want to say I'm very glad that there's people I can call and ask because I feel like you guys are my last hope for answers.

18:27 Drew Last hope?

18:29 Caller It's kind of weird.

18:29 Drew It should be where you start.

18:31 Caller Here's my story, okay? About maybe six months ago, I had a bladder infection. Then I was kind of treating it with over-the-counter stuff and herbal stuff, and it kind of went away. My friend and I went to Planned Parenthood one day and we both got the double shot. That was in September. In October, I got my first period after that, and it hasn't stopped since, and I haven't had sex since because I have pain.

19:01 Drew Have you had a follow-up shot?

19:03 Caller No, because I didn't want it anymore.

19:06 Drew Okay. Well, they didn't tell you that you'd bleed the first three to six months from the pill, from the shot rather?

19:12 Caller No, they just said I'd bleed during the time that I was on the shot and a little bit afterwards, and I've just been kind of scared because it hasn't stopped, and I can't even have sex because I have pain.

19:22 Drew Okay. Well, somebody, have you seen a doctor since then?

19:25 Caller Actually, I have.

19:26 Drew A gynecologist?

19:27 Caller Yeah, I went back over there and they said, well, we don't see anything. So they're like, okay, we'll give you a referral, we'll go see a doctor.

19:34 Drew Okay.

19:34 Caller But when I saw a professional gynecologist, he said there's nothing there. I don't see why it should be hurting.

19:40 Drew That's good. That's fine. So did he talk about putting you on the pill?

19:44 Caller He gave me the pill.

19:45 Drew That's what you need to do. That's what you need to do.

19:47 Caller When I read the side effects, I was kind of afraid.

19:50 Drew Amy, take the pill. It will stop the bleeding.

19:52 Adam Who reads the side effects?

19:53 Drew Well, sir, listen, you read the side effects. The pill side effects is like it's a huge panel.

19:59 Adam Yeah.

19:59 Drew I mean, it's just ridiculous. The same as depth will prepare, basically. But take the pill. That will stop the bleeding.

20:04 Adam Hey, remember this joke? Here's a joke you don't see on TV anymore. Guy pulls the wallet out, that big accordion long thing with the credit cards and the family pictures falling all the way to the ground. Somebody figured out that wasn't funny about 10 years ago, and I've not seen it since.

20:21 Drew I tell you, my daughter discovered I dream of Jeannie. She decided that she wished there were a channel that played nothing but I dream of Jeannie.

20:28 Adam It's called Nick at Night.

20:30 Drew But I was watching some of the show, and it's interesting watching these actors play these exaggerated takes.

20:39 Adam You think I dream of Jeannie's a healthy show for a nine-year-old girl to watch, calling the guy master and everything?

20:46 Drew Yeah, that's how my daughter raised.

20:47 Adam Living in a bottle.

20:48 Drew Yeah, it's nice.

20:50 Adam I would have peed in that bottle.

20:52 Caller I would have.

20:53 Drew Peed?

20:54 Adam I would have inadvertently drowned Jeannie by mistake.

20:57 Drew Not with pee though.

20:59 Adam Number three?

21:00 Caller No.

21:00 Drew Yeah.

21:01 Adam Yeah. All right. How dare you, Greg?

21:06 Caller Yeah.

21:07 Adam You're 23?

21:08 Caller Yes. First off, I'd like to say I listen to you guys show all the time. You're great. Adam, I love The Man Show.

21:15 Adam Thank you.

21:17 Caller Yes. I have a question. I've been going out with my girlfriend since July. And just recently, within the past week, we had a great relationship. We had a great sex life, and everything was going smoothly. Within the past week, she has told me that she wants to get out of the serious relationship and date other men as well as myself.

21:43 Drew Well, no. Forget that part. That will not work for you, I bet.

21:48 Caller But she says, I want to date the other guys, but I only want to keep a sexual relationship with you.

21:53 Drew How old is she?

21:54 Caller She is 22.

21:56 Drew She got sort of a chaotic history in her past?

21:58 Adam No. You've been going out since July?

22:02 Yes.

22:02 Caller Like eight months, six months.

22:05 Adam And has she ever said she's in love with you?

22:09 Yes.

22:10 Adam And are you a guy? Well, it's going to be hard to admit this, but have you, you know, when there's a relationship and sometimes it's not 50-50, somebody's doing 60 or 70 percent of the work. Sort of like one of those bicycles built for two. Somebody's doing a little extra peddling. Has that been you in the last six months?

22:32 Caller No, it was pretty much 50-50 until the past, I'd say the last month. She's had a couple of problems.

22:43 Drew What's the problem?

22:44 Caller Just work-related.

22:46 Adam Yeah, she met some dude at work. What's going on?

22:50 Caller She works in a chiropractic office. She sits there alone all day and she's trying to start her own business, running it out of her house.

23:00 Adam Hold on. You know what I love about guys? Guys are like, well, she's been under a lot of stress. Her folks had just had their house retrofitted with the double glazed windows.

23:14 Drew Yeah.

23:15 Adam So you can see why she's going through some changes.

23:20 Drew Yeah, they missed the point. They're like lost in the forest.

23:23 Adam I can turn it around in the form which is when a woman who's in love with you is going through a little bit of stress or some family heartache or something like that, they get closer to you. They don't pull away. That's the time they need you.

23:38 Drew But this is not about that. He's just struggling to find some reason for her distance.

23:43 Adam She does work at a chiropractic office, Drew.

23:46 Drew All right. Here are the possibilities. Either she can't handle intimacy and she's sabotaging, or she's trying to let you down easy and this relationship is over.

23:53 Adam In either case, she wants out.

23:54 Drew In either case, lay back.

23:56 Adam She's out. That's it. It's done. Here's the deal, Greg, and I swear to God, I wish I had me when I was younger me. I wish the older, lazier, fatter me could have come on by, like a hairy ghost floated above me.

24:12 Drew The ghost of Adam Future?

24:15 Adam Yes. You will literally be a millionaire one day. Forget this stripper bitch. You won't be driving that mini pickup truck for much longer. It will only be another 12 years.

24:28 Caller Well, see, I have a really good job, and-

24:31 Adam Good, then you're fine.

24:32 Drew Fine, relax.

24:34 Adam Look, here's what-

24:35 Drew Stop trying to figure it out.

24:36 Adam Here's what we're saying.

24:37 Drew It's not a car.

24:37 Adam Here's what we're saying, Greg.

24:38 Caller Okay.

24:41 Adam If she wants you back and discovers she loves you, she will do all of that, and she'll do it more quickly when you tell her, hey, this isn't for me. I'm not one of those guys. So I hate to see you go, but I'm moving on. That's your only choice. And if she doesn't come back, then you've saved yourself some heartache and spared your dignity. And dignity.

25:06 Caller Hopefully, I will have saved myself some money because I make about $1,200 every two weeks.

25:11 Adam Two weeks? Wow. You're doing pretty good for yourself.

25:15 Caller Yes, I work for the government.

25:17 Adam I see. All right, $1,200.

25:19 Drew That's IRS is coming to get you.

25:20 Adam That's $600 a week.

25:23 Caller Actually, I work for a company called HOO.

25:30 Adam I don't know. I just dumped them because-

25:33 Drew That's enough.

25:34 Adam I was just giving a plug to his company for the government. Okay. I think it was that bogus? I don't care.

25:42 Drew No?

25:42 Adam You don't care?

25:43 Drew Yeah. I don't think it was bogus. I think it was just bad judgment.

25:46 Adam It's time to give this speech one more time. Thank God we don't have to do like four good calls a night, because I'd be outraged. Do you know what I'm saying? Like if this show ran on, you guys don't go home until you get in four good calls, I would say so far we've gotten in half a good call and we're screwed. We're going to be here all night. Well, we just leave at midnight. So it doesn't matter, right, Drew? All right. Drew, we're going to break, Anderson. Nowhere. How does this work that everyone who's been listening to the show since they were 15 is now strung out?

26:19 Drew Yeah, it makes me feel good.

26:21 Adam Have we ever spoken to anyone who hasn't announced that they've been a big fan of the show and isn't really screwed up right now?

26:27 Drew Let's be clear here, anyone that continues to listen to the show more than three or four years by definition, screwed up.

26:33 Adam Good point. Okay. So we're going to take a break. We'll be back.

26:38 Drew Hello?

26:39 Caller Is this Loveline? Call 1-800-LOVE-191. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

27:18 Adam Hey, Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew over there, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Just conferring with the Webster's Dictionary, and we're talking about this at the beginning of the show, Kid, like as in kid gloves, is a goat, that's soft goat skin. So everyone screws that up. They say, we have to handle this person with kit gloves or we have to handle this person with kitten gloves or whatever, anything but kid gloves. We got to handle this with kid gloves just means soft gloves. Yeah. I don't know how anyone's supposed to know that. But wait a minute, I did. Anna, you're 17.

28:09 Caller Yeah. Basically, I was playing with this guy for a while, but we're not going out anymore and I would like to do anything to get him back, like anything.

28:24 Drew Hold on, hold on, hold on. How long had you been dating this guy?

28:27 Caller Like three years.

28:28 Drew Three years. Why did you break up?

28:31 Caller Well, he moved.

28:32 Drew Did he go to college?

28:33 Caller No.

28:34 Drew Why did he move?

28:35 Adam He moved to prison.

28:37 Drew His parents moved?

28:38 Caller Yeah.

28:38 Drew How far away is he?

28:39 Caller He moved far. Like far enough that I had to take a plane.

28:44 Drew Have to take a plane, she said.

28:45 Adam Alright, alright.

28:46 Drew That was good. That was good.

28:47 Adam Very close. She started with far.

28:49 Drew Yeah.

28:49 Adam And she turned that into very far and the finger started dropping at that point. But then she got specific with the plane.

28:57 Caller Yeah.

28:58 Drew Alright. Alright. So far enough you'd have to take a plane to see.

29:00 Adam Can't tell us the city he moved to?

29:03 Caller I'd rather not.

29:04 Drew Why?

29:06 Caller What if his friends are listening or he's listening or something like that? He's listening. I'm already kind of. Well, whatever.

29:12 Adam Well, he knows you love him, right?

29:14 Caller Well, yeah, he does. And like, see, because I had always like never been completely out of him before. And that's.

29:22 Drew You never told him how you felt. Anna.

29:26 Caller Oh, boy.

29:28 Adam Hey, let me ask you this, Drew. I know we're going through a radio station here, but. Is is every fourth line in America really f'd up?

29:39 Drew I in my head, I convert that into people are talking on, you know, sports illustrated phones that they, you know what I mean?

29:45 Adam Yeah, what you get with the subscription.

29:47 Drew I mean, it's young people in their room by themselves. I mean, how many of those quality phones are you going to find?

29:52 Adam But that sounded like the line was bad. Hey, here's what I'm saying.

29:56 Drew I think it's the phone.

29:58 Adam You think it's the phone?

29:58 Drew I think it's the phone. I know you're making the case the line, but there are no lines anymore. It's all satelliteed anyway. I mean, how, you know, I mean, it's what are we talking about here?

30:06 Adam You want to try to talk to her and ask what kind of phone? From now on, when we get that really bad sound, shouldn't we ask them if there's something up their phone? Anna?

30:14 Caller Yeah?

30:15 Adam What kind of phone do you have?

30:17 A cell phone.

30:18 Adam A cell phone? Why are you on a cell phone?

30:20 Caller Well, I go to boarding school and they turn our phones off.

30:25 Drew Did you move away from your boyfriend or did your boyfriend move away from you?

30:28 Caller Oh, he moved from me, but I was at boarding school. It's just a long story.

30:30 Adam Okay. You don't have a landline there? You have to use a cell phone?

30:34 Caller Yeah, I have to turn my phone on.

30:36 Adam Okay.

30:37 Drew All right. Well, does he know you're dying to get him back?

30:42 Caller Well, yes. He knew as of December, and I'm dating a different guy, but I'm dating because it's just dating.

30:50 Drew Hold on a second. Oh, slow down. Does he want to get-

30:53 Adam I can't take her phone anymore.

30:55 Drew All right. It's over.

30:56 Adam She's dating another guy. She's away in boarding school.

30:58 Drew There's no way it's going to work. No way.

31:00 Adam It sounds like she's maybe a little lonely, a little depressed, and is putting all her eggs in his basket.

31:08 Drew Why don't you visit her as the voice of Adam Future? This could have been you. You know what I'm saying?

31:14 Adam Yes.

31:15 Drew At that age, you would have been talking about God knows who, but it could have been you. It wouldn't have been a three-year relationship, might have been a three-week relationship, but you have the same kind of obsession.

31:23 Adam She was in a three-year relationship?

31:25 Drew Yeah.

31:25 Adam Yeah. The voice of Adam Future doesn't work on chicks. It's got to be a dude. Well, there's gender problems there.

31:32 Drew This is a stretch for you. I know, but just stretch.

31:34 Adam Okay. There's nothing we can say to talk people out of this once they get momentum with it. As a girl, I believe you have it much easier. She's dating another guy already or has been. She sounds perfectly attractive.

31:51 Drew You're stuck with your own ass. You're just stuck by yourself because when you get that stink of failure on you, forget it.

31:59 Adam Imagine this. You got the stink of failure on you. You're 20, I don't know what I was, 21. I'm working with a bunch of Mexicans all day digging holes for a living, or born-against installing closets. You work with dudes all day. You're driving a beat up pickup truck and you got a one-bedroom apartment with three guys. You're not getting laid. You're not getting anything.

32:22 Drew You're not getting something to talk to you.

32:24 Adam No, you're in that horrible no-man's land, that 21, 22, no money, nothing going. You can't date chicks in high school. What are you going to do? Show up at the campus and try to find yourself a nice 10th grader? That's off. The high schoolers are all going at each other. You're not in college. You're having a hard time dating a college chick when you're driving a pickup truck and like I said, digging ditches.

32:46 Drew But when you got that-

32:47 Adam Where are you going? What are you doing?

32:48 Drew Even when you got that failure stink on you, even if you were been in college, you would have had the same experience. You're still nowhere.

32:53 Adam Yes. That may be so, but at least you're in an environment where there's physically girls there.

32:59 Drew You're right.

33:00 Adam If you work construction for a living and you don't have any money to do anything or go out, where are you going to find chicks? You don't see them the whole day. People don't realize that. When you're young, you got college or you got a job where there's some women around. You eliminate those two, you're beating off all the way to the poor house. That's what my grandfather used to say.

33:22 Drew But to tell Anna.

33:24 Adam You're killing me, Drew. You're killing me.

33:26 Drew Just tell Anna to get on with things.

33:27 Adam No, I'm going to kill myself.

33:28 Drew Forget about her. Now experience the relief at which you live in now.

33:34 Adam And then once in a while, you drag your pathetic, sorry ass out to some crappy place, like taco peddlers or the red onion or some nonsense like that, and you just go out and you got stink all over you. Loser. Desperate. And you're going up to chicks that you're not even attracted to.

33:55 Drew Just to get somebody to talk to.

33:56 Adam And they're just shutting your ass down.

33:58 Drew Yeah.

33:59 Adam Mind if I sit down? Girl looks up from the table. Why? Okay, I'm going to go kill myself. I was like, bitch, you're fat. Jesus Christ, I didn't even want to hump you. I thought I was going to do you a favor. Oh man, I mean, then it's time to really assess yourself. You got some drunken chick over at the sagebrush cantina, you can't even pick her sorry ass up?

34:23 Drew No, not pick up. You can't even talk to.

34:26 Adam You can't even sit down at the goddamn table?

34:28 Drew Yeah, you were a long way from the pick up part.

34:31 Adam Oh, am I going to kill my parents when I see them next? Don't ever, listen to me, listen to me all you guys. Don't you get a job where you're isolated from women, it's horrible. You get a job bartending. Imagine the difference between a 22 year old guy who's working with a bunch of born-again's and stalling goddamn custom closets or digging ditches with a bunch of Mexicans out in Sun Valley or a guy who's working at a bar. Chicks coming in getting them drunk every night and then tipping them. Phone numbers up the wazoo. You guys all become bartenders. Anyone who doesn't go to college become a bartender so you can get laid.

35:06 Drew Adam, without the man show you got no girls in here either.

35:10 Adam That's right. That's very true. I'm still not in an environment where there's any chicks. Good. Anderson just brought that up. Drew, I'm going to have to take you. You have to leave. Again? You're the dude here with the least hair on you. Sorry, brother. Maureen?

35:26 Yeah.

35:26 Adam You're 47.

35:28 Caller I am.

35:29 Adam What's up?

35:30 Caller Well, my boyfriend's 22. He's 25 years younger. And we've been together for two and a half years. And I wanted to know if there's any statistics of if it works out or, you know.

35:44 Adam What do you mean? Marriage?

35:45 Caller Yeah.

35:46 Adam Well.

35:46 Caller He wants to get married.

35:48 Drew He wants to get married?

35:49 Caller Yeah, I do too. We both do.

35:50 Adam We gotta look at it this way. 50% of the marriages don't work out anyway, so who cares?

35:55 Caller Yeah, we had one of those.

35:56 Drew Yeah, we both. Yeah, we know.

35:57 Adam We know. Amanda, we know.

35:59 Drew You fit a profile, Maureen. That's what happens when people have a relationship go bad, is they try to find something a little less threatening.

36:06 Adam The guy was in a hole and you hung on for a while?

36:09 Caller No, he was a really good guy. He had an emotional breakdown, so he just kind of left. And then when he came back, I didn't trust him anymore, so it wasn't. We had a good marriage, though. For how long? Five and a half years.

36:26 Drew When did that end? How long did that end?

36:28 Caller Well, we're good friends now. I'm like his best friend.

36:30 Drew How long ago did that end?

36:32 Caller How long ago? 1985.

36:36 Drew Ended in 85, 15 years ago.

36:39 Adam Well, what have you been doing for the last 18 years or so before you met this guy?

36:44 Caller Working really hard to support my children because I was the only person. He didn't help us with financial reasons, so I had to work a lot. And then I had a son who needed a lot of extra care. So I dated, you know, I dated off and on between that time.

36:58 Drew What's up with your son?

37:00 Caller How old is he?

37:00 Drew What's up with him?

37:01 Caller Oh, he has attention deficit, but he has, he's angry at his dad, and you know, he had all those other things going on.

37:08 Adam Well, hold on, it's time.

37:09 Caller He just needed a lot of attention.

37:10 Drew Actually, the thing I find, let me just say, the thing I find most unsettling about this is the 22-year-old that wants to get married.

37:17 Adam Yeah.

37:17 Drew That's the part I don't trust.

37:18 Adam Well, Maureen.

37:20 Caller He doesn't want to get married, right?

37:21 Adam All right, hold on. I'm going to keep with the theme tonight to find out what phone she's using.

37:28 Drew It's a cell phone. That's a cell phone.

37:29 Adam You think so?

37:30 Drew Oh, for sure.

37:31 Adam I don't know anymore. I don't know. Maureen?

37:33 Caller Yes.

37:34 Adam Are you on a cell phone?

37:35 Caller Yes, I am.

37:36 Adam Oh, okay. You're not at home. That's all right.

37:38 Caller No, I'm driving home from work.

37:39 Adam All right. Listen, everybody. That's fine. You know, there's always a reason for something. It's just when you're on your cell phone and there's a good phone right next to you, then I'm pissed. But you're driving, that's fine. All right, this guy wants to get married.

37:53 Drew No, but now she said he doesn't.

37:55 Adam Oh, he doesn't?

37:56 Caller No, he does. But, I mean, we don't want to get married tomorrow. We want to get married. He's almost 23, so maybe when he's like 24.

38:02 Drew That's right.

38:05 Adam Wait till he's 25 and you're 70.

38:09 Caller That won't happen.

38:10 Drew All right. What's his motivation? Why is he in a hurry to get married?

38:15 Adam Okay, hold on.

38:15 Drew You know what I'm saying?

38:17 Adam No, I don't know what you're saying, because we talk or she talks simultaneously when we talk and then you talk simultaneously. You know what I'm saying?

38:26 Drew Listen to what?

38:27 Caller Okay, is it my turn to talk?

38:29 Drew Yes.

38:30 Caller Okay. The thing is that I am really, really young for my age. Everything that I like is the people in the 20s, they like the same thing. The music, my hobbies, sports, everything about me.

38:44 I love music.

38:45 Caller Most people ask me if I'm 32 or I think I'm 32. So I don't really... The guy is my age. I feel like I'm with my dad.

38:54 Drew Maureen, Maureen, Maureen. Well, thank you by the way. But Maureen, the thing that troubles me is not her. I already knew that about her.

39:02 Adam No, she's young. 47, she's into snowboarding and speed metal.

39:07 Drew Whatever. The unsettling part I have here is, what's the 22-year-old up to? You know what I'm saying?

39:14 Adam Yeah.

39:15 Drew What's the motivation there with him? She has kids, she is super wealthy. What's he doing? What's he up to here?

39:22 Adam I'm going nerd patrol.

39:23 Drew With him?

39:24 Adam Oh yeah. Big time, big time. Maureen?

39:28 Caller What do you think?

39:30 Adam What's your boyfriend do for a living?

39:32 Caller He's a college student.

39:34 Adam All right.

39:34 Caller And he has a job. He works for a company that builds furniture.

39:39 Adam Okay.

39:39 Caller And so he's working really hard to get his degree.

39:41 Adam All right. Well, get married. What the hell?

39:44 Drew Don't you have the same concerns I have?

39:47 Adam You know what? This happens once in a while. Well, I mean, I've known people who have done this. My stepdad is quite a few years younger than my mom.

40:00 Drew 25 years?

40:02 Adam No, no. He's, oh, who knows?

40:05 Drew But 25 years.

40:06 Adam I think my mom's like 180 and he's like, you know, 150.

40:11 Drew She needs to think about this, though. When he is her age, this is reality. When he is her age, Maureen's boyfriend is her age, she will be 72. That is reality.

40:22 Adam Yeah.

40:23 Drew 72, he's 47.

40:25 Adam She's very young though. She'll be into what all the kids are into.

40:27 Drew At 72, that's real.

40:29 Adam She should be one of the skateboarding grandmas.

40:31 Drew That she could find herself alone when this guy's, I mean, this guy's my age with a 75-year-old. Think about that.

40:38 Adam Oh, Drew, you'd be breaking hearts and breaking hips, buddy. Tell you what, you're too passionate for a woman of that age. You're passionate, passionate man. Okay, but look, this thing ain't going to go 25 years. You know what I'm saying?

40:53 Drew Well, but I've seen situations where they have and people are devastated when they realize what they've got themselves into.

40:58 Adam Devastated. You don't wake up and your wife is 72. You do it a day at a time.

41:02 Drew Yeah, they don't realize what's happening until people start getting medical problems. It's very painful. I don't know. I'm not saying there's a reason not to do it necessarily, but something to think about.

41:12 Adam Look, if you guys are in love, I'm all right with this guy. I'm with Drew. I worry, but I do meet these guys once in a while. They're just dedicated guys. They're not into any nonsense, and they just find some woman who becomes mommy, and they like the idea that they're kind of daddy to the kids, and the kids are their age, and oh, you don't want to find out how old their kids are. Got to be his age. Older? Older?

41:34 Drew No? Well, 85, the marriage broke up. That's 15 years ago. They already had kids.

41:38 Adam That's what I'm saying.

41:39 Drew Maybe older.

41:40 Adam Maureen?

41:41 Caller Okay.

41:42 Adam Kids older? Kids older or not?

41:45 Caller What?

41:45 Drew Are your kids older than him? Yes or no?

41:47 Caller They're younger. My daughter's 21 and my son is 15.

41:50 Drew They're all younger. They're fairly younger.

41:51 Adam All right. We got to take a break. Maureen, I give it my blessing. What the hell? Get married. What are you waiting on? The clock's ticking. The Grim Reaper's going to be at that wedding with you. Get married. Enjoy. We'll be back. Oh, hey, Drew and I are just talking about our days of dating the older ladies. Nothing wrong with that. All right, let's hop in.

42:45 Drew We're torturing ourselves tonight, aren't we? Well, we're reliving our loser days and then the pains of dating.

42:53 Adam Well, Drew, you see, here's the thing. You felt like a loser, but you weren't actually a loser.

43:00 Drew I see. I don't know what's worse.

43:01 Adam I don't know.

43:02 Drew You actually were a loser. At least you could embrace your reality. Can we please just go back and soothe ourselves? Just go back to when we were 19 and just say, it's okay.

43:17 Adam That's all I wanted. I've just been able to visit myself at 19 and just saying, just 12 short years, just three more presidents and like 24 more Olympics or like six more Olympic seasons from now. You'll be fine. You'll pay off that fees of bill. Lola?

43:43 Caller Yeah.

43:44 Adam You're 14?

43:45 Caller Yes, I am.

43:46 Adam What's up?

43:51 Caller Well, I think I'm addicted to speed, but I just want to know how do you know if you are?

43:57 Drew If you can't stop doing it and you want to stop.

43:58 Adam Well, you call radio shows, stuff like that.

44:01 Drew It's very simple. If you can stop, stop. If you can't stop, you're addicted.

44:06 Caller Okay.

44:07 Drew Well, very simple.

44:09 Caller I took therapy and stuff, but it didn't help. I mean, I don't know how to stop. It's really hard.

44:15 Drew Well, you should be living somewhere for several months in a sober setting, working program all day, working with a sponsor. It takes a long time and a lot of work, especially at your age.

44:26 Adam Can you... What's going on in the background there, Lola?

44:29 Caller Oh, it's just the radio.

44:31 Adam Is it our radio station?

44:33 Yeah.

44:34 Adam Oh, okay. You got to turn that down.

44:36 Yeah.

44:37 Adam Let me pose this question, Drew. Is there a call that we take where there's not some sort of something going on that we have to address?

44:44 Drew No, these are busy people. They got a lot of things going on in their life. They need to share it with us.

44:48 Adam Right.

44:49 Drew Even if it's the Santa Fe Pacific pulling up behind their house, it's always something.

44:54 Adam All right. So, Lola?

44:56 Drew Yeah.

44:56 Adam All right. Time to get back to work on that.

44:58 Drew You've got to be somewhere. You're going to need to be in a very, very structured environment, a sober treatment center.

45:05 Adam Do you have parents?

45:07 Caller Yeah. I live with my mom.

45:10 Adam Is she cool?

45:11 Caller Yeah, she's cool, I guess. Well, she kind of pisses me off sometimes.

45:15 Adam Sure. But is she aware that you have a problem?

45:19 Caller No.

45:20 Drew We talked to her about it.

45:21 Adam Can you talk to her?

45:23 Caller No. I don't associate with my mom that way.

45:27 Drew Well, she's going to need to know about this. She really is. You've got to get help with it.

45:31 Adam Well, I don't get it. How long have you been doing Speed?

45:34 Caller Since sixth grade.

45:37 Adam That was two years ago?

45:39 Caller Yeah. No, no, no.

45:41 Caller Four years ago. Three years ago.

45:43 Caller I'm in high school now, freshman.

45:46 Adam Okay. So you're in the ninth grade now.

45:48 Caller Yeah.

45:49 Adam So it's three years ago. You haven't been able to quit?

45:54 Caller No. I went to therapy several times.

45:57 Drew Did you talk to them?

45:58 That didn't work.

45:59 Drew Well, did you tell them you were addicted to Speed?

46:02 Yeah.

46:03 Drew Did they say you need to go to some meetings and get a sponsor?

46:07 Caller Yeah. And I tried that, but it didn't work.

46:10 Drew Okay. You have to do it, make a regular... It has to be all day. You have to be focused on this every day. It's not going to get better. You're not doing it. Nothing's not working because you're not doing anything.

46:20 Adam Starting doing Speed in the sixth grade.

46:23 Drew Yeah, and then all of a sudden...

46:23 Adam What does this world come to? Jesus Christ, do you need Speed in the sixth grade? What's the deal? You're burning the midnight oil?

46:30 Drew Imagine you and Ray and Chris on Speed and say, oh.

46:33 Adam What do you need Speed for? You're staying up all night crunching numbers in your Sullivan book?

46:37 Drew All right, pops.

46:38 Adam What are you doing?

46:39 Drew You're just getting high on being young.

46:41 Adam No, I'm just saying...

46:42 Drew What starts you?

46:43 Adam What gets you going?

46:44 Caller Yeah, yeah.

46:45 Adam You're running around like an a-hole all day. Has your Socko game suffered? Four squares not working the way it used to? Smear the queers we used to call it? All right, we'll take a break.

46:57 Caller We'll be right back.

46:59 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal.

47:00 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:03 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:05 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:06 Drew 877-889-DATE.

47:51 Adam You, Loveline, Adam, that's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Well, I could do 20 minutes on Retreads, or we could just take some calls.

48:03 Drew Calls.

48:04 Adam All right. Kim?

48:06 Caller Let's heal some babies.

48:08 Caller Hello?

48:09 Adam You're 16.

48:10 Caller I'm 19.

48:11 Adam You're 19.

48:12 Caller I'm 19.

48:13 Adam So 16 up there. All right, what's up?

48:16 Caller First, I want to say you guys rock. I love you guys. I've been listening to you since I've been like 14. I love The Man Show. No, I am not one of those crazy ones who got strung out or something because I've been listening to you forever.

48:27 Drew Hallelujah.

48:28 Caller I'm not on drugs. I'm not an alcoholic and I haven't been beat.

48:32 Great.

48:34 Drew People should go through a little checklist like that when they start their call.

48:37 Yeah. I'm perfectly fine.

48:38 Caller I'm an Ace student.

48:39 Drew Got it. Okay, good. We got the whole picture.

48:41 Caller All that stuff is good. But I've been with my boyfriend for on and off three years, almost three and a half years. He was my first boyfriend, first love, first everything. He broke up with me last year on June because he said that he needed his space and his time or whatever. Then like two days later decided he wanted to get back together and he made a mistake.

49:04 Drew First of all, we're going to tell you what went on in his life.

49:07 Caller He thought he was going to hook up with somebody else.

49:09 Drew No, he thought he was going to hook up.

49:11 Adam Well, guys get false confidence when they start getting regular tag.

49:17 Caller Yeah, that could be it. He was a little too good there, I guess.

49:22 Adam They think that's going to translate into the real world. How old is he?

49:27 Caller He's 22.

49:28 Adam Yeah, he's in no man's land for a guy. Too old for high school and too young for the college kids. Not going to work.

49:37 Caller He's in college now.

49:39 Adam Yeah, what's he do?

49:40 Caller He's a student and he works with his brother. His brother is a lawyer so he works with him. But then he did the same thing like a week before my birthday last year. And then got back together two weeks later and then he did the same thing. This is the third time he did this last year. He broke up with me like two weeks before Christmas and didn't talk to me for two weeks. So I was like freaking out. I've been with this guy so long. Christmas Eve he calls me and he's like, well, I think we should get back together. I was going through problems and his excuse is always the same each time he breaks up with me. He wants to be by himself and he wants his own time or whatever.

50:16 Adam This thing's coasting.

50:18 Drew He needs his own time but he doesn't have the nuts to hang in with that.

50:22 Adam You know what I like about chicks and this is something I don't think a guy's ever done. I don't think I've ever done this. You tell me if you have, Drew. Chicks will weave that birthday in. He called and broke up four and a half months before my 20th birthday.

50:39 Drew 37 days before my half birthday.

50:42 Adam It was a week before my birthday. What is your birthday? Some kind of god damn national holiday? And listen folks, birthdays, Christmas, Hanukkah, Passover, Arbor Day, there's always a day.

50:57 Drew There's a holiday coming, wherever you are in the calendar.

51:00 Adam If you...

51:01 Drew Monday the King Day is coming up.

51:02 Adam It's hard to time a breakup that's not near Valentine's Day, Christmas, her birthday. Women do that all day. Groundhog Day was just around the corner.

51:14 Drew How inconsiderate. How dare he?

51:16 Adam Then, four months before Christmas, he drops another bottle. I just want to know as a guy, has that ever been a factor? Have you ever held that against anybody or said anything? Chick could dump me at my surprise party. I wouldn't have said anything.

51:32 Drew It's all bad. You know what I mean?

51:35 Adam It's all bad, but I'm not extra insulted because my birthday was mere 17 days away from the time she dropped the bomb.

51:43 Drew But Kim is describing symptoms of someone who's in a relationship with their first love, their first relationship. They don't know how to end it. They can't let go. They can't imagine living without it. It's normal for it to end. It needs to end. It's hard, but you need to have a moratorium on any contact with him. He knows he needs to go to it, but he doesn't really have the way for us to stay out there in the real world by himself.

52:03 Adam And three times this guy has done this.

52:05 Drew You need to cut it off. It's over. And maybe someday it will work out, but it's not supposed to. You're 19.

52:12 Adam Let me float this thought here, Drew. Don't most these end this way and it's for a reason. Each person knows this thing has run its course. And it's gone on an extra year.

52:24 Drew Right.

52:25 Adam Or nine months from her birthday. And it's roll on, but no one can do anything. Then somebody meets somebody at work or at school.

52:33 Drew That precipitates it. Pow.

52:34 Adam Now, all of a sudden, they have the strength to break up and they have the strength to stay out of it because they've hooked up with somebody.

52:42 Drew And also, it's an emergency to break up now.

52:44 Adam Right.

52:45 Drew He's been lingering for six months. Today has to end.

52:47 Adam Somebody's going to have to meet somebody to do this.

52:49 Drew But that's bogus and that's a bad way to end a relationship. And it's not good for the individual that needs to get out there and sort of be by themselves. This guy's right. He needs to be by himself. He doesn't need to hook into another relationship.

53:01 Adam Oh, my old lady moved out.

53:04 Drew With a stripper?

53:05 Adam A stripper girlfriend moved out.

53:07 Drew With, moved out from you and moved in with your grandmother, as I recall.

53:11 Adam She moved into my grandparents' house.

53:13 Drew Yeah, that must have felt good. Yeah.

53:15 Adam Thank God. It was a whole six blocks away from my apartment. Then started dating a dude who rode a motorcycle. I used to see this dude's motorcycle parked in front of my grandparents' house. Now, my grandparents were out of town for like five weeks. My grandparents, you know the Corollas. Nobody's better than anybody else.

53:39 Drew How do you even speak to your grandmother after all that?

53:42 Adam Well, my grandfather's dead, so I don't have to talk to him anymore. But no, you know, what's fair is fair. We're all the same. Doesn't matter if it's your kid or some stripper's kid whose parents live in England. Doesn't matter. You're moving out, moving into the grandparents' house. Yeah, that felt good. I had no feeling like going on a late night recon mission. Just driving over to the grandparents' house.

54:08 Drew Sitting outside the house there?

54:09 Adam About 2.30 in the morning on a Tuesday night. Seeing the dude's motorcycle parked out front.

54:14 Drew I mean, what are you doing? Just sitting in the car, crying and masturbating?

54:17 Adam Yeah, it wasn't a car. It was a beat up pickup truck.

54:20 Drew Pickup truck, yeah. You couldn't roll the windows down and scream obscenities.

54:22 Adam Yeah.

54:23 Drew The window wouldn't go down.

54:24 Adam Yeah. But at least I got to go install closets with the born again Christians the next day, who really understood my predicament.

54:30 Drew I wonder how many males actually experience the depth of loserdom that we enjoyed.

54:36 Adam I don't know if it gets any worse than your girlfriend getting banged in your grandparents' bed by some dude on a Harley.

54:43 Drew Well, but then it was that she was a stripper you were dating. A lot of guys don't even get to do that.

54:48 Adam Yeah.

54:49 Caller And you had a car for what it was.

54:53 Adam Anyone who's got 700 bucks can have that same car, by the way.

54:56 Drew With the retreads and all.

54:58 Adam And then I'd climb into this truck with six born agains. One guy, Frank, spoke in tongue, Shandala, Shandala, Shandala! Start yelling. And they'd pull out their Bibles and they'd start asking for traveling mercy. You know, I'm not talking about, you know, religious. Another guy goes to church on Sunday. I'm talking about toting the Bible to install the goddamn closet. Dear Lord, please give us traveling mercy. Please use your guidance over these closets that we install. Oh, my God, I would sleep in the back back of a cube truck was it fell as I'm going to the back of the cube truck. I'm going to cover myself in furniture pads bang on the rolling door when we get there. And I've just lying there thinking, Jesus Christ, I hope we I hope we die. I hope this truck gets hit by semi and I just burned back here.

55:51 Drew I think they've not come that far, have they? I mean, after all this morning, you're wishing the same thing.

55:55 Adam No, I just wanted a breakfast burrito and I was going to die if I didn't get it. That was different.

56:01 Drew Rhiannon?

56:02 Adam Hello?

56:03 Drew Hi there.

56:03 Adam Rhiannon? What did he say your name?

56:06 Caller Rhiannon.

56:06 Adam That's perfect. Yeah, it's like that Fleetwood Mac song.

56:09 Caller Yeah.

56:10 Adam Except for that's Rhiannon.

56:11 Caller No, it's Rhiannon. And I also want to tell you that a baby lamb is a U.

56:18 Drew Right, but a baby goat is a kid. Yeah.

56:20 Adam A female lamb is a U.

56:22 Caller No, I thought all of them are.

56:23 Drew A baby lamb is a lamb.

56:24 Adam Yeah.

56:25 Drew A baby sheep is a lamb.

56:26 Adam A baby sheep is a lamb and a female...

56:27 Caller A lamb isn't the same thing.

56:30 Adam A U is just a female sheep.

56:32 Caller Okay. I thought it meant baby.

56:34 Caller All right. Go ahead.

56:35 Caller Okay. I got diagnosed with bipolar when I was 15. And they put me on lithium. And I gained like 25 pounds.

56:45 Caller And I was on it for about a year.

56:46 Caller And I would sleep constantly. And then I tried Taggartol. And that didn't work either.

56:52 Drew How about Depakote? You've been on that?

56:54 Caller No.

56:54 I didn't want to try that.

56:55 Caller Because I'm afraid I'm going to gain weight again.

56:57 And I feel like if I do, you know what I mean?

56:58 Drew In my experience, the weight gain from Depakote has been relatively uncommon.

57:02 Caller Really?

57:03 Drew Yeah.

57:03 Caller Because they put me on Neurontin now.

57:05 Drew I guess. Neurontin is good. Depakote is good. These are very good medications. There's a lot of good stuff for bipolarity right now. So just it's more important you get your bipolar taken care of. Get an exercise program going. Monitor your diet carefully. But you don't have to gain weight just because you're on bipolar meds.

57:21 It just seems like the water retention or something.

57:24 Drew From lithium, sure, but not from Depakote.

57:28 Adam I think the real problem is being named after that Fleetwood Macs. How high are your parents? I guess you could have been named Tusk or something. How high really were your parents?

57:39 Caller They were hippies.

57:41 Adam They were, right?

57:42 Yeah, of course.

57:44 Drew Except hippies really didn't follow Fleetwood Macs.

57:47 Adam No, they did. They were cool. Oh, God, do I hate that crappy Fleetwood Macs. They're a hugely overrated band. Hugely.

57:56 Drew Nick Fleetwood was on our television show, remember that?

57:58 Adam Yeah, he was a cool guy. I'm not just saying, Fleetwood Mac and the Eagles, and there's a handful of other bands where they had four good songs, but we had to hear all 25 of their songs. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. We got to hear the Eagles sing Witchy Woman for the 300th time. Please. All right. Same with Fleetwood Mac. All right. Rihanna. They don't say Rihanna, they say Rihanna.

58:23 Caller No, it spells R-H-I-A-N.

58:25 Drew It must be on the album cover.

58:26 Adam What's it end with? An N or?

58:27 Caller An N.

58:29 Adam Wow. Okay, baby. Did you help her, Drew?

58:32 Drew Yeah, she's all set.

58:35 Adam Rihanna. That's what they would say. They say Rihanna. Wouldn't pronounce that N.

58:44 Drew Yeah, but they were British.

58:46 Caller No, they weren't.

58:48 Adam Mick Fleetwood was, I think, and Lindsay Buckingham.

58:51 Drew That's the point.

58:52 Adam They may have been.

58:52 Drew They might have been. That N and that E-R thing they do.

58:56 Adam The one chick was, but the other chick wasn't. Ron? Oh, wait a minute. You're right. That's what happened.

59:03 Caller Yeah.

59:04 Drew It's like they probably said Wata also.

59:06 Adam Okay. Ron?

59:08 Yes.

59:08 Adam You're 26.

59:10 Caller Yes.

59:10 Adam Can you contribute anything to our Fleetwood Mac discussion?

59:14 Caller Not really, no.

59:15 Adam Okay.

59:15 Caller Never really listened to Fleetwood Mac.

59:17 Adam Good for you. Good for you. What's up?

59:21 Caller Well, I kind of got a problem with my father and me. I try to talk to him about my problems and he just, acts like he really doesn't care, you know, doesn't want to listen.

59:30 Drew What are your problems?

59:32 Caller Well, kind of loneliness, you know, and we just moved out here to Oregon and I've kind of been alone a lot. He's really the only person I talk to and it's just anymore, we just don't talk, you know. It's been like that most of my life.

59:45 Adam When you said we moved to Oregon.

59:47 Caller Me and my dad.

59:49 Drew Why did you move with him?

59:50 Caller Well, he's 73 years old and I really didn't want him to live by himself.

59:54 Drew Why did he move?

59:55 Caller Well, he has a big thing with his back and I came out here to go to the medical VA hospital in Portland and my cousin was out here and they kind of wanted him to move out here.

1:00:06 Drew He's on Vicodin.

1:00:07 Caller What's that?

1:00:08 Drew He's on Vicodin.

1:00:09 Caller No, no. He has a bad back and he had problems in the military.

1:00:15 Drew What pain medicine is he on?

1:00:17 Caller I don't get into that with him.

1:00:18 Drew Okay, well he's probably strung out on pain medication. So his ability to hear you is blunted. He's on drugs. You're not going to be able to reach him. That's why you feel abandoned by him. He's loaded.

1:00:29 Adam Well, he never did listen though.

1:00:30 Caller Well, I really don't think he takes any pain medication for his back. You know, I don't think he just takes anything.

1:00:36 Adam Wait a minute. The guy moves out to Oregon so he can be closer to the VA hospital because of his back.

1:00:43 Drew He's not taking any medication for it.

1:00:46 Adam Your back, I would say the number one thing you take pain medication for would be your back. He's had problems for years with his back. He moved so he can be in proximity of the hospital. He doesn't take pain medications, Ron?

1:01:01 Caller Well, he has a lawsuit going on against the military. My cousin is the lawyer. That's kind of the main reason why we moved out here.

1:01:07 Adam I see. All right. Well, now that explains why he's not taking pain medication.

1:01:14 Caller I don't know if he takes anything or, you know, I don't get in that set with him. Basically, it's been, you know, all my life I've tried to talk to him and it's, you know, talking to a wall.

1:01:24 Adam Oh, good. Then dump him. He's an idiot. You can't, listen, you can't beg your dad to take an interest in your life. This guy's an a-hole. Screw him. Your only problem is following him.

1:01:37 Caller Yeah.

1:01:38 Adam Screw him.

1:01:39 Caller He's put up with me my whole life. You know, I was kind of a troublemaker. I got into a lot of trouble and he got me a lawyer. He got me out of it. And you know, I can't really do that to him. I can't just leave him, let him say, well, go on your own.

1:01:51 Drew You know, you can certainly, Ron, he's your, he as a parent has an obligation to allow you an independent and separate a whole life. Go ahead and live that life. You can support him and be a good son and still live a life separate.

1:02:05 Adam Well, that's the thing. Look, here's the deal, Ron. I've run into this in my own family and Drew probably has as well and many people listening have. You spend your life trying to get something from your family that they're not going to give you and trying to make them into the kind of person that they're not going to be and will never be. OK, especially your dad at seventy three with these back problems and God knows what kind of medications going through his body. He ain't going to change and he's not changing for you and I know that hurts, but you are now ruining your life, beating your head against a wall with this guy. You're twenty-six years old, you need to move out, you need to make some friends, have some relationships, start your own family and be a better father than your dad.

1:02:56 Caller Yeah, I think so.

1:02:57 Adam OK, so here's the deal. You don't owe this guy anything. Yeah, you were a troublemaker, but you're probably a troublemaker because he didn't pay any attention to you growing up, so you started acting out. And if you don't want to blame it on your dad, blame it on my dad.

1:03:11 Caller Yeah, that's fine.

1:03:12 Adam I'd like everyone to start blaming the troubles of my dad as well. I don't think I'm giving him enough service.

1:03:17 Caller I'm trying to blame it more on myself than anything.

1:03:19 Adam Yeah, I know.

1:03:19 Caller Well, stop.

1:03:21 Drew It's good that you take responsibility. That's great.

1:03:23 Adam I know. But listen, Ron is emotionally like 11. He's one of these dudes. He's one of these dudes I would have to work with.

1:03:33 Drew So you're going to find the 47-year-old early thing?

1:03:36 Adam Just run, move out of the house and stop using your dad as a crutch. It does become a crutch when people get into that, I owe him this. I have to take care of that. He's 73. So what? How old's your dad, Drew?

1:03:49 Drew 75.

1:03:50 Adam Okay, my dad's 70. You know, everyone I know has got a dad who's 70, 71. We all go move in with him. Screw him. Look, if he needs you, okay, he needs you. He picks up the phone. You help him out. What he needs is a son who's independent, not one that's sitting around waiting to crack a bud and have that heart to heart that's never going to happen.

1:04:12 Drew And for all we know, Ron's dad may find him a pain in the ass.

1:04:15 Adam Yeah, or at least the back. But meanwhile, Ron's life's going away. Just go out and make some friends and don't be bitter. Thank you. Don't be bitter.

1:04:25 Drew Yeah, that's coming from you.

1:04:27 Adam Hey, I got friends.

1:04:29 Caller Yeah, don't be bitter, Adam.

1:04:30 Adam I have bought many friends in the last few years, Drew. How dare you? David?

1:04:35 Hello?

1:04:36 Adam You're 13?

1:04:37 Caller Hey, Adam, you are my god.

1:04:39 Adam See?

1:04:40 Caller See? You and me and my best friend Terry, we worship you. Like everything we believe in is based off of your teaching.

1:04:47 Drew Oh, that is so scary.

1:04:49 Why?

1:04:50 Adam Yeah.

1:04:50 Caller Because he is the man.

1:04:52 Drew That is so scary.

1:04:54 Caller And why?

1:04:55 Adam How much weed you've been smoking there, James?

1:04:58 Caller I don't smoke weed.

1:04:59 Drew Oh, please.

1:04:59 Caller I swear to Christ.

1:05:01 Adam Oh, okay. All right. I believe you. What's your question?

1:05:06 Caller My question was whether you could get hepatitis from bloody knuckles or not.

1:05:11 Drew What's a bloody knuckles?

1:05:12 Caller It's a game you play where you shoot quarters at each other's knuckles.

1:05:17 Adam How far do you shoot them away?

1:05:20 Caller Two feet. Two feet?

1:05:21 Adam How do you shoot them?

1:05:22 Drew What do you mean shoot?

1:05:23 Caller You shoot them with your stomp and you just fling them.

1:05:26 Drew You hold knuckles out there as nuggets?

1:05:29 Caller You set them down on the table.

1:05:31 Adam Yeah. Does it cut them up?

1:05:35 Caller Yeah.

1:05:36 Drew Then what? Do you lock knuckles once you're bleeding? You intermingle the blood?

1:05:41 Adam You fist his friend.

1:05:42 Caller No, you don't.

1:05:43 Drew Do you fist your friend?

1:05:44 Caller I do not.

1:05:45 Drew Okay. So how would the blood get?

1:05:48 Adam He doesn't care.

1:05:49 Drew How can somebody play a game like that and not smoke pot?

1:05:51 Adam Listen, I had friends that didn't smoke pot. My friends Ray and Snake, whenever they got in a pool, I don't know why it was in a pool, but they would have this. I would, this is one game I wouldn't play. They would get in a shallow end. And again, I don't know, it had to be in a pool because it was kind of messy. And they'd get about five, six feet away from each other. And they would open their mouth and take turns trying to spit across.

1:06:20 Drew You couldn't do a loogie, that's why.

1:06:21 Adam I couldn't do a loogie. But here's the deal. They would have to sit there perfectly still with their head tilted back and their mouth wide open while the other one from about five or six feet tried to hawk a loogie into the other mouth. And you know it's a bad game when the thing hits you in the eye and you're laughing. Loser! You've got a loogie hanging from your eyebrow.

1:06:44 Drew Where's the vomit sound? Please come on. Is there ever more?

1:06:56 Adam Yeah. That probably wasn't a good idea. I didn't participate in that. No thank you. Should we take a little break here, Drew? When we come back we're going to speak to Jason. He's 23. Want to talk to Jason?

1:07:10 Drew That or Ron? This is interesting.

1:07:12 Adam Ron's wife is six months pregnant. They can't have sex because of acid discharge.

1:07:20 Drew Something out of the 70s.

1:07:21 Adam Wow.

1:07:22 Drew She's emitting an acid.

1:07:23 Adam Let me tell you, there's a pregnant girl on the set of Son of the Beach in a bikini. I'll tell you, I'm turning it around. It's a little bit sexy. I've been enjoying this. It's a little naughty, but it's nice. One of the girls from Son of the Beach, really hot blonde, is like five, six months pregnant and her boobs are all swollen and everything.

1:07:50 Drew I figured that was the deal.

1:07:51 Adam And they've got that sort of belly sticking out and there's something sexy about a slightly pregnant woman, not nine months but just five and a half, six months in a little bikini bottom. Sort of the belly hanging over the bikini top there, the swollen boobs. I'll tell you, it's sexy. I never thought this way before.

1:08:14 Caller You're getting older.

1:08:15 Adam Yeah. We'll take ourselves a little break and we'll be back with Ron and his alien vagina wife after this.

1:08:54 Caller Loveline.

1:08:56 Adam I'm Adam. That's Drew over there. Let's get back to the phones and we'll-

1:09:04 Drew We think about this night, we've been just commuting on our loser past.

1:09:08 Caller Yeah.

1:09:09 Adam Well, that's a good thing about Drew.

1:09:12 Caller He- Yeah, what?

1:09:15 Adam Well, I think I know my past was horrible and I was a loser and you think your past was horrible and you're a loser. That's good enough. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. That's what works for us.

1:09:30 Drew Yeah.

1:09:32 Adam We play tennis except for instead of using a ball, we complain. We go like, yeah, yeah, high school sucks.

1:09:40 Drew It's a volley.

1:09:41 Adam And Drew returns once in a while, there's a game set match or something.

1:09:47 Drew Yeah, you can trout me sometimes.

1:09:49 Adam Yeah, like the girlfriend who's getting laid on my grandparents' bed, their blessing.

1:09:54 Drew But then you know what that doesn't mean?

1:09:55 Caller Don't play tennis no more.

1:09:56 Drew Somehow that like puts me in touch with such intense loser feelings that I'm back in my own crap. Completely, completely back.

1:10:04 Adam Well, thank you. You're 26. So, your wife's six months pregnant.

1:10:14 Caller Correct.

1:10:15 Adam And how do you like that?

1:10:17 Caller Well, I was going to say I have to agree with you. I think pregnant women are pretty damn sexy.

1:10:24 Adam I never thought about it. But if you find a really hot one and she walks around in bikini all day, you'll go there.

1:10:32 Caller Yeah.

1:10:35 Adam Alright, so what's going on with your wife then? You're trying to have sex?

1:10:39 Caller Well, yeah. It ends up only happening about once every two weeks or two to three weeks. And I don't know what it is. She's got some kind of acidity. It's just her vaginal fluid is real acidity and it burns.

1:10:53 Drew It burns your urethra?

1:10:55 Caller I'm sorry?

1:10:55 Drew Where does it burn you?

1:10:57 Caller Oh, it don't burn me. It burns her. It gets like, I don't know, chapped or raw after sex and actually even just normally.

1:11:09 Drew Is she lubricating normally?

1:11:11 Caller Oh, yeah, definitely.

1:11:13 Drew Yeah, so she gets irritated. How long are you guys sort of doing this before she gets irritated?

1:11:18 Caller Well, it won't happen. I mean, she won't get irritated right away. But what I guess what happens is, you know, the next day or whatever.

1:11:30 Drew Have you talked to her obstetrician about this? Yeah.

1:11:33 Caller Yeah. He says everything's normal. He said, actually, he told her not to wear underwear, like the bed and stuff. I don't know what that's all about.

1:11:43 Drew Did he see a yeast infection there or something?

1:11:45 Caller No.

1:11:46 Drew Because I'm asking these kinds of questions because vaginitis, which is normally not a big deal for a non-pregnant person, but can cause irritation. It can be passed back and forth. It can be a rather significant thing or important thing for someone if they're pregnant.

1:12:01 Adam Why would he say not to wear underpants to bed?

1:12:04 Caller That's usually the yeast.

1:12:06 Drew Air it out.

1:12:08 Adam Well, maybe he's just playing a hunch or just sometimes-

1:12:12 Drew Maybe just trying to help.

1:12:13 Adam Giving her something to do. All right. So you don't know anything Ron can do though, right?

1:12:18 Caller I don't.

1:12:19 Drew Lubricant should set.

1:12:22 Adam Ron. Yeah. Yeah. She's on BJ Patrol for the next four months, buddy.

1:12:28 Caller I agree, but she doesn't think that way, so she won't go there. Well, very seldom anyway.

1:12:36 Adam Really? Why not?

1:12:38 Caller Hell, man. I don't know.

1:12:40 Adam Yeah. That's something you got to get in writing before you get married, buddy. You should have had your attorney look at that. Really? Not her cup of tea? Not her cup of jizz, huh? Yeah. Yeah, that's bad times.

1:12:53 Caller I hear you, buddy.

1:12:54 Adam She's downstairs. She's like a snowmobile battery and an acid down there, and then upstairs, she's closed for business. All right, Ron, you got to kill yourself.

1:13:07 Drew At least he's got a good sense of humor about it. He sounds like Santa Claus.

1:13:10 Caller He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1:13:11 Adam Well, he sees from Idaho, so I worked the snowmobile battery in him, you see?

1:13:15 Caller Oh, good, good.

1:13:16 Adam Didn't work the motorcycle, especially during the winter months.

1:13:18 Caller Of course.

1:13:22 Adam I want to talk to Tracy.

1:13:23 Drew Go.

1:13:24 Adam Sure. Tracy the chick?

1:13:26 Drew No, male.

1:13:27 Adam No. How do we know that? Oh, he's got to. Yeah. Tracy?

1:13:31 Caller Yeah, go ahead.

1:13:32 Adam What's up there, Tracy?

1:13:34 Caller It's a guy, not a chick.

1:13:35 Adam That's right, Tracy.

1:13:37 Caller What's up?

1:13:38 Caller Well, I'm 39 years old. About three months ago, I weighed 467 pounds.

1:13:45 Adam Oh, is this a chick?

1:13:46 Caller No, it's a guy.

1:13:47 Drew What do you weigh now?

1:13:49 Caller I'm down to 430. And I started having somebody, something felt like it was choking me, so I went to a doctor and he looked at me for two seconds, told me I had pulmonary epidemic and go see a cardiologist. The next week I was out in Denver and I wasn't feeling good, had a fever, went to the hospital. They did a complete blood workup, urine workup, did an EKG, chest x-rays and stuff. The lady came out, the doctor came out, gave me three aspirins, told me I was in perfect health, I was just fat.

1:14:20 Drew What happened to the pulmonary edema?

1:14:22 Caller She said there was no such thing. She said your heart's fine, there ain't nothing wrong with your heart.

1:14:26 Drew Alright, that's good news because if you were in heart, pulmonary edema is heart failure.

1:14:30 Caller Alright.

1:14:30 Drew If you were in heart failure that would not be a good thing.

1:14:32 Adam What do you do, drive a truck? Yeah. Alright.

1:14:35 Caller And then I went to see a cardiologist.

1:14:38 Caller Again, hold everything, hold everything.

1:14:42 Drew You're getting an applause. Did you hear the truck or did you just guess? Wait, no. Staying on Tracy.

1:14:46 Caller Yeah.

1:14:47 Adam What?

1:14:47 Drew Did you just guess or did you hear something that led you to believe truck?

1:14:50 Adam Oh, I, fat guy, fat guy. It was in Denver.

1:14:55 Caller Truck.

1:14:56 Adam Yeah. Fat guys can't fly.

1:14:57 Caller They're too fat.

1:14:58 Adam You gotta drive a truck. He was a trucker. I just knew he was a trucker the second I heard his voice.

1:15:04 Drew Interesting.

1:15:04 Adam Yeah. That's, that, that, I would consider that an easy one. But as per usual.

1:15:10 Caller You wouldn't have a caller. Nobody bats an eye.

1:15:12 Adam I, I, I tell, for people call, I tell them what they do for a living and they just keep...

1:15:17 Drew Well, I like Tracy the answer. Yeah. Yeah, that's me. Okay. So, anyway.

1:15:22 Adam You know what I think it is? I, I think people who call the show think we must pull their file. See, Tracy, 39 years of age, Sagittarius, born in Ontario, California, got his Class 3 driver's license in 1974.

1:15:38 Drew No, we got nothing. We got, we got a sentence. At an age.

1:15:42 Adam They must think we know some, there must be some sort of magic screen that tells us all what you do for a living or something. I like that guy the other night, that, that bitch who called. She's like, yeah. I said, wait, are you a nurse? Yes. I said, you don't think that's interesting that I guess you're a nurse? Well, who else would be calling at this hour? I just came home from work. Okay.

1:16:08 Drew And we have only nurses calling, only nurses listening.

1:16:11 Adam Yeah, only nurses. Yeah. And by the way, aren't there nurses at the hospital at noon, at three? I mean, there's nurses. Nurses not, it's not like a graveyard shift job per se. You wouldn't say nurse. I mean, they do work it, but it's not a popular one. It's not a classic. It's not like the guy works at a 24-hour convenience store or something like that. All right, Tracy, anyway, 430 pounds.

1:16:38 Caller Yeah.

1:16:38 Drew So then you went to the...

1:16:39 Caller I worked my way down.

1:16:40 Drew Hold on. So you went to the cardiologist.

1:16:42 Caller He told me my heart was a normal size and functioning normally.

1:16:45 Adam Excellent. How did you work your way down, weight-wise?

1:16:51 Caller Basically, went on a diet and started exercising.

1:16:53 Adam All right.

1:16:54 Caller Well.

1:16:54 Drew Fair enough.

1:16:55 Adam So can you just stick with that?

1:16:57 Caller Well, he sent me to he wanted to do a stress test, but I weighed too much and he sent me to a breathing doctor and come to find out I have sleep apnea.

1:17:07 Caller Yeah.

1:17:08 Caller Yeah, that's it.

1:17:08 Drew Yeah.

1:17:09 Caller Will that go away as I lose weight?

1:17:11 Drew Usually. You're going to have to lose 150 pounds before that really goes away.

1:17:16 Caller All right. Second problem is I constantly think I'm going to die all the day and time. It just I mean, I wake up in the middle of night thinking this.

1:17:24 Drew Well, you wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air.

1:17:27 Caller Yeah, that too.

1:17:28 Drew And that's the sleep apnea. The thinking you're going to die thing is more panic and somehow you've sort of converted all these genuine physical symptoms into a panic, a sense of impending doom. And you've been checked out properly. They told you, you have no significant risk for or at least unusual risk for sudden death. You have a real condition that will harm you over time, but you're doing something about that. Everything else is fine. You're not going to die, but you're having some panic feelings and that's, you know, that's just panic.

1:17:58 Caller That is terrifying, let me tell you.

1:17:59 Drew Well, I'm glad it's got your attention and you're going to do something about it.

1:18:02 Adam You just stick with that diet and the exercise and this is going to happen for you.

1:18:06 Caller Oh yeah, I started out being able to walk from one front of my truck to the back and I was out of breath. Now I can walk around our whole warehouse.

1:18:13 Drew There you go.

1:18:14 Adam Hey, Tracey, you know they got all that stuff at the truck stops that plugs into the cigarette lighter?

1:18:20 Drew Yeah.

1:18:21 Adam You know, there's that one called the Sandwich Maker. You ever seen that one?

1:18:24 Caller I don't use it.

1:18:26 Adam Yeah, but what is that thing?

1:18:28 Caller I wouldn't know. I don't even... The only thing I have in here is a coffee maker and I don't even drink coffee.

1:18:32 Adam All right.

1:18:33 Caller I don't even smoke cigarettes.

1:18:34 Adam Wow. You got to start smoking and drinking, buddy. That's where the weight...

1:18:38 Caller All right.

1:18:39 Adam Good time. Hey, keep the mounties off your tail, keep your wheels on the road, keep your powder dry and 10-4.

1:18:48 Caller Smoky.

1:18:50 Adam Well, being a trucker, back in the day, it was a cool thing. About the mid-70s, people writing songs about it, making movies about it. You're like a modern day cowboy.

1:19:01 Drew Cowboy. Yeah, I was always a cowboy.

1:19:03 Adam Now, you're just some fat meth addict. Who's that doing up he-she hookers at a truck stop in Pomona somewhere? You know what I'm saying?

1:19:12 Drew Well, I hear you. I don't know what you're saying, but I hear you.

1:19:14 Adam I'm just saying, I don't think truckers are getting near as much tail as they were in 1975. Oh, I see.

1:19:20 Drew They were young hip guys then, wearing cowboy boots and a hat.

1:19:23 Adam Well, think about it. When somebody decides to make you some kind of hero-

1:19:29 Drew Folk hero.

1:19:30 Adam Yeah, all of a sudden, start writing songs about CBs and trucking and convoys, and then start making movies about trucking and convoys and everything.

1:19:38 Drew Yeah, I hadn't thought about that.

1:19:39 Adam All of a sudden, for like 18 months, you're riding high. Yeah, you're driving a truck. Now, you're driving a truck. You see what I'm saying?

1:19:49 Caller Okay.

1:19:50 Adam Jason?

1:19:51 Caller Yeah. Yep.

1:19:53 Adam What's up?

1:19:55 Caller Well, I've been dating. Well, I've had a girlfriend for five years, and she's been using the pill actually, you know?

1:20:04 Drew Right.

1:20:04 Caller And we're going to get an apartment together here pretty soon, and I just wanted to, like, start using condoms just to be, like, more safe. Condom and the pill, you know?

1:20:14 Drew Why?

1:20:15 Caller Just because, you know, we're going to be living together. I don't want to, like, have kids or anything right now, you know?

1:20:20 Drew Have you been having sex with her on the pill previously?

1:20:23 Caller Yeah. Yeah. For, like, the past five years.

1:20:26 Drew And so what's... I don't get it. Why the extra need for safety now?

1:20:30 Caller I don't know. I just feel like we're going to be living together. There's more of a risk.

1:20:34 Adam It's really his way of saying, slow down, honey. It's a little statement being made by the penis, which is, yes, we're moving in together, but, you know, don't think that means we're starting a family. Psychologically, this is a barrier. What he's... Listen, I think what he's saying to himself and to her is she's moving in, this thing's moving on, and he's seen himself married with five kids in three years.

1:21:02 Drew Oh, I see.

1:21:03 Adam And he's sort of making a little statement, I'm going to wear the condom too, which is...

1:21:07 Drew No way. Don't think this is going to something more.

1:21:11 Adam It's cool that you're moving in, but let's not get crazy.

1:21:14 Drew And you might miss a pill accidentally.

1:21:16 Adam And let's not let this move in. I don't want you to be on a roll with this.

1:21:21 Drew Right.

1:21:21 Adam That's what I think he's saying. Jason?

1:21:24 Caller Yeah, that sounds about right, actually.

1:21:26 Drew Why don't you just say that and go ahead and keep using the pill, because that's plenty of birth control.

1:21:30 Adam Are you a little apprehensive about her moving in?

1:21:34 Caller No, actually a little bit, but I think it's going to be good. Like you said, if she misses a pill or something like that.

1:21:40 Drew Are you worried that she's going to intentionally miss a pill?

1:21:44 Caller No, I don't think she should do that. You know, accident or just I missed the pill or something like that. I just don't want to hear an accident happen.

1:21:54 Adam Yeah, all right. But I think this is all sort of stemming from the, this is moving along maybe a little too quick, maybe feel like your territory is being invaded a little bit or something. And you don't want to be married and have kids a year from now.

1:22:11 Caller But she's like pissed off about it, like, oh, why do you need condoms, you know, or she thinks I'm going to like cheat on her or something.

1:22:19 Adam She's got a point. Listen, you do what I do. I do that with all my bitches. I take that pill out just like they do at a mental hospital.

1:22:28 Drew Make her show it to you.

1:22:28 Adam I put it, put it on her tongue. Every day we do it same time at noon. She gets off of work. I meet her at a park. And yeah, then she puts on her tongue and I make her stick it out. Then when she swallows, then I take a mini mag light. Look at her mouth, pull her nose back and I check around and I put a glove on and feel around and make sure she doesn't try to store it on the roof of her mouth or somewhere the flashlight couldn't get to.

1:22:53 Drew Cheek, they cheek it. There is now the transdermal contraceptive. There are patches you wear once a week. If you're someone who can't remember to take the pill, get the patches.

1:23:03 Adam Right, right. Right. You just eat that patch once, one patch a week and you're fine, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's a little ritual I do with the pill taking. All right. Drew, can you read to check anyone's mouth, see if they took a pill?

1:23:18 Drew Every day.

1:23:19 Adam Every day? Oh, yeah. Your wife?

1:23:21 Drew No, no. At the hospital, we just constantly do this shit.

1:23:24 Adam You do?

1:23:24 Caller Constantly.

1:23:26 Adam How do you do it?

1:23:28 Drew You do exactly what you're saying. You look around, you look under the tongue.

1:23:31 Caller You damn right.

1:23:34 Drew That's right, dude.

1:23:34 Adam That's right, brother.

1:23:35 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:24:09 Adam Hey, y'all, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew over there. Oh, I forget about that. All right. Let's take ourselves a call. Nicky. Nicky.

1:24:21 Hello.

1:24:21 Adam You're 18. What's up?

1:24:23 Caller Yeah. I wanted to know about the effects of ephedrine and what it is just like a dietary supplement that I pick up at 7-Eleven.

1:24:33 Drew Well, it's not just a dietary supplement. It's what speed is made of.

1:24:37 Caller Yeah.

1:24:37 Drew And people.

1:24:38 Caller Yeah. I found out that it's like legal doses of speed, basically.

1:24:41 Drew Yeah. It's not.

1:24:42 Caller But I just wanted to know like if there's any like really bad effects of it, because we don't use it a lot. It's just like a weekend thing for a body.

1:24:48 Drew Well, except for heart attack and stroke and mood disturbances. No, nothing other than that.

1:24:55 Caller But are those caused from like extent like...

1:24:59 Drew Ephedrine is an awful drug for your body. I mean, really awful.

1:25:03 Adam What is it for weight loss?

1:25:06 Drew It's pseudo-Ephedrine is what you take for nasal congestion. It's a vasoconstrictor.

1:25:10 Adam Why do they call it pseudo-Ephedrine? It's not real Ephedrine?

1:25:13 Drew Yeah, it's altered. I haven't looked at it.

1:25:16 Adam Say you don't know.

1:25:17 Drew I don't know. I don't know the difference. There's a slight structural difference. But Ephedrine is a stimulant that has vasoconstrictor properties. It is very tough on your body.

1:25:27 Adam But...

1:25:27 Drew Very difficult.

1:25:28 Adam But they sell it for diet pills, Nicky?

1:25:35 Caller Yeah, they say on the package that they're a dietary supplement. But we use it for the body high that you get from it.

1:25:43 Drew Yeah, it is an awful drug.

1:25:46 Adam No, you say the body high?

1:25:48 Caller Yeah, like what it does is like makes your body ultra-sensitive to touch or like just to anything. Like you put, like.

1:25:57 Adam And then what do you guys do? Get It On?

1:25:59 Caller Yeah.

1:26:00 Drew I've seen, I've treated.

1:26:01 Adam Hold on, Drew, you glossed right over that.

1:26:02 Drew I know, I know, we're good with that.

1:26:04 Adam You guys lez off?

1:26:06 Caller Huh?

1:26:06 Drew No, it's a guy.

1:26:08 Adam Hold on a second. Is Nicky a dude?

1:26:12 Drew No, no.

1:26:15 Adam I thought Nicky said her and her girlfriend.

1:26:17 Drew Oh, no, I thought she said boyfriend. I didn't, maybe I didn't hear her.

1:26:21 Adam I was picking through the nut bag here and trying to figure out what to eat. Nicky?

1:26:25 Caller Yeah?

1:26:27 Adam It's you and your boyfriend or you and your girlfriend?

1:26:29 Caller My boyfriend.

1:26:30 Adam Oh, okay. You guys are lezing off?

1:26:33 Caller No.

1:26:34 Adam Oh, okay.

1:26:34 Caller Sorry, I didn't understand you. All right.

1:26:36 Adam Hey, hey, hey, hey, baby?

1:26:37 Caller Yeah?

1:26:38 Adam Listen, at 18, sex should be good enough.

1:26:43 Caller It is.

1:26:44 Adam Okay, then why do you got to pop pills and then have sex?

1:26:47 Caller Oh, it's just because it keeps you up all night.

1:26:51 Adam I know. Why? Why do you want to stay up all night? Here's what I'm saying. This is bad for you. Drew is scared of this stuff and to me, it's just a bad precedent to set for yourself. You're 18, you're getting high, you need more out of sex than sex itself.

1:27:10 Drew It's also an addictive drug, make no mistake about it. I've treated several cases of a federal addiction.

1:27:14 Caller Well, that was another thing I just wanted to say. I mean, I basically just wanted to know what like any, because we don't use a lot.

1:27:20 Drew Okay, Nikki, I've now said three times to you that there are profound effects.

1:27:24 Caller Right.

1:27:24 Drew You don't want to hear it. So go do whatever you're going to do.

1:27:27 Adam All right. All right, have fun, baby.

1:27:29 Caller Bye.

1:27:32 Adam Uh, well, I mean, here's the whole thing. I know people call the show, they want an answer from Dr. Drew. I'll be, I'll give the, I'll give the fantasy. You give the fantasy answers.

1:27:43 Drew Oh, fantasy answers. Yes. Okay.

1:27:46 Adam We need to drop fantasy answers. Okay.

1:27:50 Drew All right. You're nicking.

1:27:52 Adam Um, I get this, uh, a Fedrin from, uh, 7-Eleven.

1:27:56 Drew Oh, I love that stuff.

1:27:57 Adam And I-

1:27:58 Drew It's great to get it over the counter still.

1:28:00 Adam You get over the counter.

1:28:01 Drew Oh, and you can take as much as you want. It's great.

1:28:03 Adam Well, I don't even take that much.

1:28:05 Caller But I take it. Well, first of all-

1:28:07 Adam I get a body high, and-

1:28:09 Drew That's just the start. You should really be getting a bit more, because when you take enough, you'll see a bright white light bleed directly into your brain tissue. It'll be great.

1:28:18 Adam And so, this is cool? This is okay?

1:28:20 Caller Oh, of course.

1:28:22 Adam I do it every weekend.

1:28:23 Drew Good.

1:28:23 Adam I don't take that much.

1:28:25 Drew Why? Why don't you beef it up a little bit?

1:28:27 Adam Well, I'm no junkie.

1:28:29 Drew No, I'm junkie.

1:28:30 Adam I'm just saying.

1:28:31 Drew Please.

1:28:31 Adam They sell it over the counter, so it must be safe, right?

1:28:33 Drew Of course. Would you think that they would sell some over the counter that's not safe?

1:28:37 Adam Thank you. Thank you.

1:28:38 Drew In fact, I'd recommend five partners all at once. Of course.

1:28:41 Adam Chris? Hey. You're 27.

1:28:44 Caller Okay, cool. Well, first of all, continuing the theme of your radio show tonight, am I on the cell phone or landline?

1:28:52 Drew Landline.

1:28:53 Adam Cell phone.

1:28:54 Caller Cell phone.

1:28:55 Drew It's a good one.

1:28:56 Adam Wait, you know why? Let me explain something. Why you know nothing about anything?

1:28:59 Drew Because he wouldn't have said that if he...

1:29:01 Caller Of course. He's calling from home.

1:29:02 Adam He's proud of his connection. And by the way, remind me to do... I gotta do some time on cell phones.

1:29:11 Caller All right.

1:29:11 Drew Well, he's got to ask his question quickly.

1:29:12 Caller What's up, Chris?

1:29:13 Caller Okay. My question kind of pertains more to Adam than Drew, I think. My wife, we got married two years ago. We had sex like rabbits for the first six months and everything. The past year and a half, it's been, like, very sporadic. The last six months, it's been absolutely nothing. She says she can't have sex with me because she doesn't respect me, because I don't have goals and whatnot. So I'm wondering, is this some kind of ploy or is this...

1:29:38 Drew She's angry at you. She's angry and she can't be sexual when she's that angry.

1:29:42 Adam Yeah. I'll tell you, man, if a woman has an ounce of resent in her vagina... Let me tell you something. An ounce of resent in a woman's vagina is as much as twenty pounds in a man's heart.

1:29:56 Drew Hey, brother. See you, brother.

1:29:59 Caller So, I gotta buy her a lot of flowers?

1:30:02 Adam No. No, because that's just a band-aid.

1:30:05 Drew You gotta get a job.

1:30:07 Adam You gotta do something.

1:30:08 Caller I've got a job. I'm making $42,000. It's just that she's making $100,000.

1:30:13 Adam Really? What's she doing?

1:30:15 Caller Software engineer.

1:30:16 Adam All righty.

1:30:17 Drew All right.

1:30:18 Caller I'm only doing networking right now, putting the computers together.

1:30:21 Adam I see. Well, listen. Boy, you guys are gonna give birth to a super nerd. And super nerds.

1:30:28 Caller We're snowboarding every weekend, though.

1:30:30 Adam We're cool. Do you have kids?

1:30:32 Caller No, no. Not for another two or three more years.

1:30:34 Adam Oh, okay. Look, she can't base this on your income, but you can base it on your effort. Is there something? And look, it's not about what you're bringing down. It's not about your paycheck, I'm sure. It's about, you know, commitment to her and what you're doing around the house and all that kind of stuff. Are you taking care of business?

1:30:56 Caller Yeah, I mean, I'm taking out the garbage, doing the laundry and, you know, doing the grocery and whatnot.

1:31:01 Adam All right. You're working on the house and, you know, fixing it up and that kind of stuff?

1:31:05 Caller Yeah, I'm fixing my end and whatnot. We went out and got her a new car, you know, I haggled with the salesman. I got it down to invoice.

1:31:12 Caller All right.

1:31:13 Caller So I figure I'm doing my part, but I just don't understand why won't she give it up and stuff.

1:31:18 Caller She's angry.

1:31:19 Adam I don't know. Why don't you ask her why she doesn't respect you and why she's angry at you? Did you get caught cheating on her?

1:31:26 Caller No, no, I haven't. I mean, I'm about to now because I haven't had it for so long.

1:31:30 Adam Listen, though, if we talked to her, she would give us a long, long laundry list of things you weren't doing for her.

1:31:38 Caller Yeah, I bet. I mean, she'd just say, you know, I want you to have some career. Where are you headed in? Where do you want to do with your life?

1:31:46 Adam Yeah, but listen, you know, you make over 40 grand and you're doing, you're doing professional work. I mean, okay, listen, you got to talk to her. But oh boy, you know what guys do? If they give you the answer, that ain't the answer. If he's sticking to the career, believe me, it's emotional. Yeah, nothing to do with his, his work, right? He's doing his job. She don't care about that, right? Guys love to do that. They love to use that as money. They love to use that money stuff. Women are much less interested in that than we, than we portray them. Right. Absolutely. Yeah. There's a handful of gold diggers out there. But you know what? Most chicks, as long as you can pay your bills and you treat them right, they're completely fine with it. He's doing something wrong. He's got to talk to her. I don't think he wants to know.

1:32:35 Caller After this, we'll be back.

1:32:37 Caller Okay.

1:32:37 Caller So I know there's nothing wrong with me.

1:32:39 Caller So what's up?

1:32:39 Caller So I was like you and I used to think that these datelines were totally cheesy.

1:32:42 Caller Why can't I meet anybody?

1:32:43 Caller But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell? So I called the dateline and actually met a cool guy.

1:32:47 Caller And I called the dateline and I hooked up with some cool people.

1:32:49 Caller Believe it or not, other normal people are out there looking too.

1:32:52 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:32:55 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:33:27 Adam Well, that's it for a solid week of The Loveline. I want to thank Damien for doing a great job on the phones.

1:33:34 Caller Whatever.

1:33:34 Adam Coffee and water all week long. I want to thank Tara, don't call me Tara, God damn it, for doing a wonderful, wonderful job on the phones as well. I want to thank Lauren for doing a great job, doing a little junior producing, well, co-producing, I guess. I want to thank producer Anne for doing the head producing on the show. Yeah, she's still with the show, right Anne? Sure. And of course, the one with the magic fingers, Engineer Anderson.

1:34:03 Caller He's the one who sucks.

1:34:04 Adam So, until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo. I get this, a Fedrin from 7-Eleven.

1:34:11 Drew Oh, I love that stuff.

1:34:13 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Anne Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, January 17, 2002