Episode 1000754886894

1:01 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:06 Go!

1:08 Voiceover Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:12 Adam Hey, everybody.

1:14 It's Loveline.

1:15 Voiceover I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board-certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, everyone.

1:26 Drew That's right.

1:27 Adam That's right. Fresh Office Triumphant, Oprah appearance.

1:31 Drew Of course you caught that. No, I'm sure you taped it or you sat in front of the TV waiting. Tape.

1:38 Adam Tape.

1:38 Drew Yeah.

1:40 Adam Here's the way. The only way I can tape a TV show is if I'm physically standing there holding the record button as the show is playing.

1:48 Drew Yeah, the play and record button simultaneously.

1:51 Adam I know people think that's lame and I must be kidding around, but I will be dead, deadly honest with you here, when I want to tape, like if I'm doing, if I'm going to be on Politically Incorrect or something.

2:02 Drew You actually tape yourself?

2:04 Adam I try.

2:05 Drew Really?

2:06 Adam Well, I want to see it.

2:07 Drew I'm shocked.

2:09 Adam How dare you?

2:10 Drew I guess I Tivo it. Yeah, yeah, okay.

2:12 Adam If I'm gonna be on Politically Incorrect or something like the Leno or something, especially, Kilbourne or whatever, here's the way I do it. I leave the house at 9.30 to come here. I take a six-hour cassette, I put it on the channel, and I hit play. Then when I come home, there's five hours of nothing. And then there's me sometimes at the end if the tape hasn't run out. That is as close as I can get. I've had the Tivo unit for a year now. It does not work. I cannot get the thing working. And it's been hooked up now for about three months, and I haven't been able to figure it out. So good times. So any response on the Oprah appearance?

2:54 Drew No.

2:54 Adam No.

2:54 Drew For whom?

2:55 Adam I don't know.

2:56 Drew Everybody thoughts him to like it.

2:58 Adam I think it's on out here at like 12.30.

3:00 Drew 3 o'clock.

3:02 Adam No, but at night it repeats.

3:04 Drew Yeah, that's right.

3:04 Adam It does. So I am annoyed when I come home from work, and I see that big puss on there. And tonight I will not be so annoyed because Dr. Drew's big puss will be on there.

3:14 Drew And then you'll change the channel. Not quite as quickly, but you'll just move right along.

3:17 Adam Well, it is really funny when you do things because my initial thing is, Oh, hey, it's Drew. And then I watch for about a minute and a half, and I go, Oh, hey, it's Drew. And then I change the channel. Like, I get excited to see you. And then I realize, wait a minute, nobody sees you as much as me. So I should go ahead and change it.

3:37 Drew That's right.

3:38 Adam So I will. I think it's on at like 1230 or one o'clock. I will try to watch that tonight. I spent the entire day in Santa Barbara at Ivan Reitman's- Polatial state.

3:52 Drew What's the estate like?

3:55 Adam We'll put it this way. I hope he's not listening. I don't know if he gets angry at this kind of stuff, but Oprah coincidentally bought a place down the street or around the corner, many acres. This is, for anyone who's not familiar with this area, it's about 80, 90 miles out of LA., where a lot of the celebrities and producers and types have their second homes, sometimes first homes, up in the hills above the Pacific Ocean, basically. Oprah's place cost her $51 million. $51 million.

4:30 Drew And one of her many homes.

4:32 Adam This place is better. Oh.

4:38 Drew A lot better?

4:40 Adam I don't know because my mind shuts off at about 450 grand. I can't conceive of houses being more than $700,000.

4:51 Drew Let me put it this way. Let me ask this. Is it worth the extra effort, you know what I mean, to own a house that's that incredible? You understand what I'm asking?

5:03 Adam Yeah.

5:04 Drew Is it really, is it worth it? Is it okay just to stop at 400,000 dollars?

5:07 Adam Well, you got to ask yourself, do you need an amphitheater on your property? Do you know what I'm saying?

5:14 Drew Is that what he has?

5:15 Adam Yeah. Do you want to open a door and look out and not see anything but what is yours? King of all your survey and then the ocean.

5:24 Drew But even that, that's not where all the money is. Is it the land?

5:27 Adam Well, in that, in that area, you're talking about 30, 40 acres. Think about what an acre goes for up on that hillside.

5:36 Drew Hey, I'm just down here.

5:38 Adam Right, think what an acre goes for in Pasadena.

5:40 Drew And is the house spectacular to go with it?

5:42 Adam Spectacular, spectacular.

5:44 Drew But is it worth that? I mean, is it worth whatever it takes to do that? You know what I'm saying?

5:49 Adam I don't know, but if you're making X amount, you know what I mean? I mean, if some movie you made 20 years ago goes to DVD, you open your mailbox and there's 10 million in it, then what do you mean? What's it worth? Do you know what I'm saying?

6:02 Drew Yeah, yeah.

6:03 Adam It's worth what? It doesn't matter. That could be the equivalent of a $20,000 home to you, for all you know.

6:11 Drew Right.

6:12 Adam I'm sure it's not that bad, but you know what I'm saying. So it's all relative, but holy Christ, talk about it. I mean, there's nice houses, there's mansions, and then there's this.

6:24 Oh, really? There's this.

6:26 Adam Using a golf cart to get around the grounds.

6:29 Drew Oh my God.

6:30 Adam People work in not ponds, lakes. I mean, it's just crazy. Crazy. All right. Ready to go here, Drew? I got back to my house. I took a dump on the living room floor. I say, you make me sick, house. You call yourself a house? This is squalor I'm living in. Really. Jimmy and I were driving back from Santa Barbara. I looked at him and I said, how miserable are we going to be when we get to our crappy houses? And we live in nice houses.

6:56 Drew That's what's unhealthy about stuff like that. You shouldn't be exposed to it.

6:59 Adam It's not even a house.

7:00 Drew You shouldn't be exposed to it.

7:01 Adam I live in a gardening shed now. And you people are listening. You live in a box. Matches are kept in.

7:08 Oh.

7:09 Adam Oh. I was miserable when I got home. I was watering my lawn. I was crying. I was watering it with tears.

7:15 Drew And pee.

7:16 Adam And urine. Yes, that's right. Robert?

7:18 Yeah.

7:19 Adam You're 24.

7:20 Caller Yeah.

7:20 Adam What's up?

7:23 Caller Well, ever since my wife and I have gotten married, she wants to have a lot more sex than I do.

7:29 Drew How much is that?

7:32 Caller Pretty much if I'm ready, she would be ready.

7:34 Drew Every day?

7:37 Caller Every hour.

7:37 Drew Every hour?

7:38 Adam Well, what are you good for a week?

7:41 Caller Not much.

7:42 Adam Well, give me a number.

7:45 Caller I don't know. If we're lucky once a week.

7:48 Drew Are you just nodding to this woman?

7:49 Caller I'm sorry, what was that?

7:50 Drew Are you nodding to your wife?

7:52 Caller I find her very attractive. I just, I don't know.

7:57 Drew To me, that, to me, by the way, that would be hell. You know what I mean? To think I'm going to spend the rest of my life with somebody, I'm just sort of, eh, whatever.

8:04 Adam Yeah, but Drew, you'd bang a nod hole if you had a couple of zimas. I mean, you are a very, very passionate, passionate, passionate man. But here's what I'm thinking. Maybe Robert has creeped out a little. Maybe she's pushing.

8:19 Drew Yeah, just the way women get with men when they start pushing.

8:22 Adam Maybe he's getting the vibe that there's something up and it's turning him off.

8:25 Drew But how weird that it would have started just after the marriage. Did you know each other only for a couple of weeks before you got married?

8:31 Caller About two months, maybe.

8:32 Drew Oh, there you go.

8:33 Adam Yeah.

8:34 Drew How weird to get married so quickly.

8:36 Adam Does she have a history?

8:39 Caller A history of what?

8:40 Adam Well, I mean any abuse or any isms, anything that ends with ism.

8:45 Drew What is the history?

8:49 Caller She was raped at a young age.

8:51 Drew To?

8:52 Adam Who did it?

8:55 Caller It was someone, I think it was a friend of hers.

8:59 Drew All right.

9:00 Adam How old was she?

9:02 Caller She was 12.

9:03 Drew Somehow before that too.

9:05 Adam How old was the guy?

9:07 Caller I really don't know.

9:08 Drew It's your wife.

9:11 Caller It was a friend of hers, that's all she really said. So I'm assuming close to the same age.

9:15 Drew We're assuming not.

9:16 Adam Friend of the family maybe. How's her dad?

9:22 Caller He's cool. I don't know, since I've known him, he's been a little out of it, but that's just because he had an accident just after we got married.

9:31 Adam He had a cramp in his pants or had an accident?

9:34 Caller He fell off a roof.

9:35 Adam Oh, okay.

9:36 Drew Roof her.

9:37 Adam Bad times. All right, and he's not an alcoholic or he didn't beat on her or anything?

9:41 Caller No, they come from a very strict religious background.

9:45 Drew Mormon?

9:46 Caller No, seventh day.

9:48 Drew That's Mormon.

9:49 Adam That's Mormon, seventh day Adventist. Hey, Robert?

9:53 Caller Yeah.

9:53 Adam There's something going on with her, and here's what I think. I think there's something going on with her, and I think you're picking up that vibe and freaking out a little bit, or shutting down a little bit. And I don't, I mean, it's easy to define in that she's coming on too strong and you're recoiling, but it's more of a vibe. You know there's something going on beneath the skin with her, right? And I think you need to address that. I mean, forget about the sex. Why don't you just talk about getting some counseling, getting her some therapy, that kind of stuff?

10:25 Caller Yeah, we've been trying to look into that.

10:28 Adam Yeah? How's that going?

10:30 Caller Well, I mean, we just recently got medical, so.

10:33 Adam You got insurance. All right. That's your route.

10:37 Caller Yeah.

10:37 Drew There's got to be something up with him too, because she picked him. Got to be.

10:42 Adam You know what I was thinking about? I always argue, it's kind of weird and ironic, but we always say, I always say to women, look, you're not horny, your husband's being a good guy, you're shut down, you're on some medication, you're having some post-partum depression or something. Just hold still. Let the guy mount up a couple times a week, he works hard, give him a break. But with men, you actually kind of have to work a little bit. I know this sounds like a horrible statement, but you got to get the erection and you got to move your ass up and down. And if you're not motivated, it's going to be hard to even pull that off.

11:17 Drew Even more than I think what you're commenting on is that if a guy is not in the game, a woman is going to know it and be disturbed by it, while a guy is going to be like, eh, whatever.

11:30 Adam Listen, she could have a massive coronary halfway into it and just be lying there. Most guys wouldn't know or stop. Thank you. John?

11:39 Yep.

11:40 Adam You're 16?

11:41 Caller Yeah, I called last Thursday and you gave me some advice about my girlfriend. She said, I love you.

11:48 Adam Oh, and I told you just to tell her you love her.

11:50 Caller Yeah.

11:51 Adam Yeah, did you?

11:52 Uh, no.

11:53 Adam Thanks, idiot. Why not?

11:57 Caller Well, she listened to the radio show and then we talked about it. That you know me and doesn't ever say it. She, her and I both have a big problem with it and we never really say to our parents, even, or anyone that close to us.

12:10 Adam Yeah, well, how long have you been going out?

12:14 Caller Three months.

12:14 Adam Three months and she said, I love you at what?

12:18 Caller Last Tuesday.

12:18 I love you.

12:20 Adam So, is it like two and a half? What's that? Two and a half months or something?

12:25 Close to three.

12:26 Adam Close to three.

12:26 Caller It's been over three still.

12:28 Adam I see. So, at the three month mark, she says, I love you.

12:32 Caller Well, she's been out with a, like, she had a boyfriend for a year and she never said to him.

12:38 Drew Where are we going, John? What's the point here?

12:40 Adam Let me just recap here.

12:41 Caller It turned out really well just talking to her about it.

12:44 Drew Oh, good.

12:45 Caller Oh, good. Thanks for...

12:46 Adam Oh, you're welcome. Didn't she want you to say you love her after the talk?

12:51 Uh, no.

12:52 Drew No, no, but here's what the talk was about.

12:53 Adam Still didn't give it up, huh?

12:54 Drew Yeah, that's how difficult it is for him to say that because it's not said in his family. And she understood that, which is a very mature thing, you know?

13:00 Adam All right, I'm saying, just start throwing it away. It doesn't have to mean that much.

13:04 Drew He doesn't know how, he can't.

13:05 Caller Well, we both listened to that and she wasn't for that.

13:11 Drew She'd rather have him mean it. Yeah, exactly. He'll be honest as best he can.

13:15 Adam She'll be over that in a couple of days.

13:16 Caller And that's what I was really going for when I first called and...

13:20 Adam All right, so you don't love her right now.

13:24 Drew He doesn't know.

13:25 Adam No, but you know, it does kind of corner guys who won't say I love you if you phrase it this way. So you don't love her?

13:30 Drew Well, that's what they do, right? So you don't love me? Yeah.

13:33 Adam You're talking to me, Drew?

13:34 Drew I love you. Yeah.

13:35 Adam You know I love you, man.

13:36 Oh, dude.

13:38 Adam All right, guy. So, John?

13:41 Drew Yeah.

13:41 Adam Do you not love her? I...

13:44 Drew He doesn't know. I feel like I have to rescue this guy.

13:47 Adam Oh, shut up. What'd you do? I'm trying to do some halfway decent radio for a change.

13:51 Drew I love you too, man.

13:53 Caller I do love her.

13:54 Adam You do love her?

13:55 Caller Yeah, but...

13:56 But?

13:57 Caller There's different stages to love, you know?

13:59 Adam Yeah, well...

13:59 Caller Casual, and then there's deep, and all.

14:01 Drew He hasn't capitulated.

14:03 Adam Give her... Give her... Tell her you love her casually.

14:06 Caller I did that...

14:07 Drew I did that last Friday.

14:08 Adam Yeah, well... Okay, good. Alright, John, you'll be fine.

14:12 Caller Alright, yeah, I was just saying thanks for the direction, and it turned out really well.

14:15 Adam Good, John.

14:16 Drew Great.

14:16 Adam This is what keeps me coming back.

14:18 Caller Yeah.

14:19 Adam Callers like John. And my big fat paycheck that I use to buy all my exotic cars. Cory?

14:30 Caller Yes, sir.

14:30 Adam You're 21.

14:31 Caller I am.

14:32 Adam What's up?

14:33 Caller Well, I have this problem when I masturbate. Instead of lotion, I just use Icy Hot.

14:41 Adam No, you don't.

14:42 Caller I do.

14:43 Adam No, you don't.

14:44 Drew Why would you?

14:46 Caller Well, I lost a bet to a friend, and that was what happened, and I haven't been doing it since.

14:53 Adam No. There's no way to enforce that bet. How does he enforce that? Does he watch you do it? That time. He did? Yeah. All right. Well, who might have passed judgment?

15:04 Caller And I was just wondering if there's any long-term effects with that.

15:08 Adam Whacking off with Icy Hot? Yeah. Well, if you ever sprain your penis, you'll be in great shape. Your rehab time will be cut almost in half. What's it feel like? Tingly?

15:20 Caller At first, it's a little hot, but, you know.

15:22 Adam Then the ice kicks in?

15:23 Caller The ice kicks in. It feels real good.

15:25 Adam Yeah.

15:26 All right.

15:27 Adam It's not going to hurt you, is it?

15:28 Drew If you're not seeing any irritation, I don't know of no specific problem with it.

15:32 Adam Do you ever get any on your balls? About once. Does that hurt?

15:38 No, not too bad.

15:39 Adam Okay. Think about it. Why don't you step up to Ben Gay or something?

15:44 No.

15:44 Adam It's got a little more heat on it.

15:46 Caller I see how it's cheaper.

15:48 Adam All right. How much of that you're going through a week?

15:53 Caller About half a tube.

15:54 Adam All right. Good times.

15:56 Drew Twenty-one year old guys.

15:57 Adam Let me try this. Why not? I mean, if it offers some extra sensation. Well, you're jacking off anyway, so who?

16:05 Drew Who cares?

16:06 Adam Who are you kidding? You might as well-

16:08 Drew Who are you trying to impress?

16:09 Adam I might as well grab a handful of pate and sniff something. You know what I mean? If you're going to go, you might as well do it. I'm a dry guy, but I'm thinking about trying out that icy hut. William?

16:22 Yes.

16:22 Adam You're 15?

16:23 Caller Yeah.

16:24 Adam What's up?

16:25 Caller Well, I wanted to know what the side effects of LSD, and I've been taking some meds. I'm taking like three different meds.

16:33 Adam What are you taking?

16:34 Caller I'm taking dexedrine, imipramine, or I'm taking imipramine quantidine and wellbutrin. Because I have severe depression and...

16:48 Drew The other one's an amphetamine, the first one you said, dexedrine.

16:52 Adam What's that for?

16:53 Drew ADD.

16:54 Adam ADD? We're getting a speed for that.

16:57 Caller I need anger management.

17:00 Adam Yeah.

17:01 Caller I've got a problem.

17:03 Adam No kidding. But why are you going to compound it by getting into drugs?

17:07 Caller I don't know.

17:08 Adam It's just not a great idea for you. You're already on shaky ground emotionally.

17:13 Caller Yeah.

17:14 Adam This is going to make things worse.

17:16 Caller Yeah.

17:17 Adam Yeah.

17:17 Drew Plus, theoretically, you can have really quite dangerous reactions. There's something called a serotonin excess syndrome. Some can occasionally fire up with combining these medicines together. There's nothing specific about the ones you're using that would necessarily create that syndrome, but it always worries me when you're on medicines, it could potentially do that. Yeah.

17:36 Caller Because sometimes I'll get these weird shakes for no reason.

17:39 Adam Yeah. See, William, let me explain something. You need all of your brain just to maintain your life, as opposed to a genius like myself who can basically not use any of my brain, and still function quite nicely. Thank you.

17:53 Caller Oh, yeah.

17:54 Adam I don't even use it. I didn't bring my brain tonight, I drew it out of my car and get it during the break. But William, you already have a history. You can't monkey with this stuff.

18:04 Caller Yeah.

18:05 Adam You're going to have to work hard and take your meds and do your therapy and do all that stuff, just to have a decent life.

18:12 Caller Yeah.

18:12 Adam You can't screw with this. So don't do that. It's really a mistake. I'm telling you, as cool as it may sound now, or as many of your friends are doing it, it's just a mess.

18:24 Caller Well, see, that's the thing. All my friends tell me not to.

18:27 Adam Oh, all right.

18:27 Drew But I still do.

18:29 Adam Well, you gotta quit hanging around with them. They're a bad element.

18:33 Drew Do you don't care?

18:36 Caller I do care, but it kinda helps me.

18:40 Drew Helps you do what?

18:41 Caller It helps me feel a lot better.

18:43 Drew Well, if you're not feeling well, then you need to talk to the people that are prescribed the medication to get something that helps you feel better, because if you need that kind of escape, there's something very, very wrong.

18:51 Adam You're saying acid makes you feel better?

18:54 Drew Yeah, some people get a real escape high with that.

18:57 Adam Hey William, you gotta do something about this.

18:59 Caller Okay.

18:59 Adam But it's not the drugs. That's not the answer for you.

19:03 Caller It's not.

19:04 Adam No.

19:05 Caller No.

19:05 Adam No, I think Jesus Christ. I rarely give out Jesus' name. He asked me to stop talking about him on the air. But I think in William's case he may want to find him. Andrew?

19:19 Yes.

19:19 Adam You're 23?

19:20 Caller Yes. Hey, Adam, I met your real parents last night. Whoa.

19:25 Adam Really?

19:25 Caller Real parents aren't your real parents. Do you think they are? See, the way Adam Corolla was actually came into this earth with Gilbert Godfrey and Dennis Miller had sex and now came Adam Corolla.

19:36 Adam Did you meet those two last night?

19:37 Caller I met them last night. The accent from Gilbert Godfrey, the nasally voice, the wit of Dennis Miller.

19:43 Adam Well, thank you. Hey, you know, Gilbert Godfrey is actually a very funny guy. People don't give him enough credit because...

19:49 Caller As well as you are.

19:50 Adam Well, thank you. But he spends, you know, the better part of his career doing voiceover work for toasters and smoke alarms and things like that. But he's really a funny guy. But it always kills me that when people say you look just like Gilbert Godfrey because he's an impish, he is an impish little five foot tall man who will not bathe.

20:07 Drew He was on the TV show, remember?

20:08 Adam Yes.

20:08 Drew They sat you guys together and was like, oh, no, no.

20:11 Adam Thank you.

20:11 Drew Yeah.

20:12 Caller It's probably virgins out there that Adam should have given a long time ago. He's kind of touched upon it, but probably virgins out there think sex is such a big deal. It's not anybody will tell you that if you want to get laid, you want to get this whole thing over with, go to a place Adam Corolla has been many times called Tijuana. Went there myself this last weekend. You've never seen anything like it. Am I wrong?

20:33 Adam Hey, listen, you think you've been to Tijuana?

20:35 Caller I've been to Anderson Yonah.

20:37 Adam You should have been to Tijuana in 1981.

20:40 Caller With the donkey.

20:41 Adam Oh, Mike, a place was a disaster area.

20:44 Caller Oh, it's a utopia now.

20:45 Adam Really, it's Disneyland compared to what the botchery, the pre, go, the Tijuana pre-aids.

20:51 Caller There is a hooker every three feet.

20:54 Adam Of course.

20:54 Caller I bet you not.

20:55 Adam And every two feet, it's a guy hooker, by the way, with his junk tucked between his knees.

21:00 Caller I found out that the hard way, but I don't know.

21:02 Adam You bought it, you got a hooker in Tijuana?

21:05 Caller Oh, several.

21:06 Adam How much did it cost?

21:07 Caller It's only 20 bucks, boys and girls.

21:11 Adam And what did you get? Did you get a BJ or did you get sex?

21:13 Caller I got the whole thing. It brings me to my next point. My buddy, I'm kind of worried about it.

21:19 Adam Wait a minute. Let me ask you a couple of relevant questions.

21:21 Caller Let's go.

21:21 Adam Were you on Revolution Boulevard?

21:24 Caller I was in La Cahuila. I'm not sure. I was kind of spun out on Tquila most of the time.

21:31 Adam All right. What about your buddy?

21:36 Caller Listen to this. He has got severe problems. He is going up to every prostitute that is there asking if he can have sex with her without a condom. Before you freak out on that, he picks up some chick on Santa Monica and La Brea the other night, which I know you're familiar with that area, has sex with her without a condom. And I looked at this whatever it was and it looked like a man. So I'm kind of worried about my buddy there.

22:07 Doesn't really what to do.

22:08 Adam Will he listen to you?

22:10 Caller No.

22:11 Drew He's an addict, I bet.

22:14 Caller Sexual addict.

22:15 Drew Yeah. Sex addicts do that kind of thing.

22:18 Adam Well, what can we do if he's not listening to him?

22:22 Drew The consequences would bring him in.

22:24 Adam Well, let me tell you, as I learned from listening to a PSA on AIDS when I was driving home a week ago, and Drew, you're a doctor, you probably know the answer to this, do you know the only known cure for AIDS? You want to check your medical textbooks or do you think you know the only known cure for AIDS?

22:45 Drew Well, let me see. The word cure suggests you've already contracted it. So, I couldn't possibly be suggesting that not getting it.

22:52 Adam No! Ah! Ha-ha!

22:54 Drew That's where you're wrong.

22:55 Adam No! According to the PSA, I was listening to the only known cure for AIDS is not getting it. Now, let's see if that works with other diseases.

23:07 Drew Let's see. Cure for heart disease?

23:09 Adam Not getting it.

23:10 Drew Cancer.

23:11 Adam Yeah. How about a cure for motorcycle crashes?

23:14 Drew Don't have it.

23:15 No crashing.

23:17 Adam How about automobile and train crashes?

23:19 Drew Don't do it.

23:20 Adam Airplanes?

23:21 Don't. Buses?

23:22 Drew Nope.

23:22 Adam That's right. There you go. That's what you learn from listening to late night radio. The only known cure for AIDS is not getting AIDS. Thank you very much.

23:32 Drew All right.

23:33 And the best way to keep your virginity?

23:35 Adam Don't get screwed. There you go.

23:38 Drew Do they couple those with the second hand smoke ads?

23:41 Adam Yeah.

23:41 Drew Just for fun?

23:42 Adam The one where 50,000 people die every year.

23:44 Drew Every five minutes?

23:45 Adam Right. Except for, it's really about five people. I really like to get hold of those people. And then I hear the one on airplane turbulence safety. And that's when I just punch my head right out the sunroof of the car and start screaming like a mad man. OK. We're going to take ourselves a break. And when we come back we'll speak to Grace, 18, exposed to herpes three weeks ago. Is it too early to get a test for it? We'll find out after this. Hey, chandala, chandala, chandala. I'm Adam Carolla, and that is Dr. Drew over there. Chandala was the noise Frank used to make, a guy I used to work with, when I installed closets with born again Christians.

24:35 Drew He just started talking in tongue.

24:37 Adam 1989. Well, he spoke in tongues, but not really.

24:43 Drew Just one word.

24:44 Adam It was like he spoke in tongue. He was no Rich Little. Mexican guy with a tattoo on his neck and a teardrop tat in his eye. Chandala, carrying around a Bible.

24:56 Caller Oh, yes.

24:58 Adam Those were the good old days. Vanessa, you're 18? Yeah. Oh, wait a minute, Drew, weren't we going to talk to the herpes guy? I will talk to him after you. Did you promote that? I've been promoting it all weekend.

25:10 Drew No, but I mean, you didn't even...

25:11 Adam I back sold.

25:12 Drew He teased that.

25:13 Adam I teased.

25:14 Drew All right. Go ahead and answer.

25:16 Adam What's back selling?

25:17 Drew I have no idea. Oh, we just heard.

25:19 Adam Oh, okay, sorry. Go ahead.

25:21 Caller Okay. Adam, I love you. You're incredible.

25:23 Adam Thank you. Thank you.

25:24 Caller Okay. Like last Saturday, I met this guy and I was at a party and we were drinking and everything and then I ended up giving him oral sex.

25:34 Adam In where?

25:35 Caller At a party.

25:36 Caller Like...

25:38 Drew You said something that you gave him oral sex in?

25:40 Caller Oh, no. I was just... I just was giving him head and then now my tonsils are like double size.

25:47 Adam Oh, when she says now, it sounds like she says narrow.

25:49 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

25:50 Adam I thought she said in a...

25:51 Drew Oh, good.

25:51 Caller I can't talk because they're humongous.

25:53 Drew Okay. So you have an infection, right? Tonsil infection. We hope it's not chlamydia or gonorrhea because it can be.

26:01 Caller Yeah.

26:02 Adam So how long ago was the BJ?

26:04 Caller This is on Saturday, on Saturday night.

26:06 Drew Oh, my God. It's probably just strapped something, but why don't you see that?

26:09 Caller They have like little white patches, like...

26:11 Drew I know. You had tonsillitis.

26:13 Caller Oh.

26:14 Drew And you do...

26:14 Adam What did the BJ have to do with that?

26:16 Caller Well, maybe I just thought that it was from giving him a headache.

26:19 Adam No, I know. I know that's... I'm asking Drew, though.

26:22 Drew You know, gonorrhea and chlamydia can look like that. Oh. Yeah.

26:26 Adam No, no condom, obviously.

26:28 Caller No. Well, no.

26:29 Adam No. Listen, I don't blame you.

26:30 Caller I was drunk. Yeah.

26:32 Adam All right. Well, as long as you were loaded.

26:34 Caller So then it makes it all okay.

26:36 Adam How old was the guy?

26:37 Caller He was 28.

26:39 Drew You do need to tell the doctor, okay?

26:41 Adam 28, going to a party, getting a BJ from a nice 18-year-old.

26:45 Drew He's scum. You do need... And giving her GC, you know, gonorrhea. But listen, you need to tell your doctor about this. It's important because the kind of culture you got to do for both chlamydia and gonorrhea is very specialized. And it might change the antibiotics he or she would give you too.

27:01 Adam How does she tell the doctor what she's talking about?

27:03 Drew Just say, I had oral sex on Saturday and I'm worried that this is an STD. Or just even just say, I'm worried this could be an STD. I had a new partner. Just leave it at that. And the doctor knows what you mean. Okay?

27:15 Adam Alright, baby.

27:16 Drew Okay.

27:16 Adam Hey, you do a lot of that?

27:19 Caller Well, why? Why do you want some?

27:22 Adam Well, not now. Five minutes ago I did.

27:26 Caller Well, like, I just broke up with my boyfriend.

27:28 Adam Well, I see.

27:29 Caller And I've just been, like, lonely.

27:32 Caller So why are you acting stupid like that?

27:35 Right.

27:36 Adam You're lonely, so you give guys BJs?

27:38 Caller Well, yeah.

27:39 Caller What?

27:41 Adam Listen, she's like a kitten being petted now.

27:44 Caller Well, I didn't have a dad when I was growing up.

27:46 Adam Uh-huh.

27:47 Drew Thank you. Thank you for getting right to it for us.

27:49 Adam Now everyone's dad, except for you're blowing them.

27:51 Caller Mm-hmm.

27:52 Drew It's a way to control them.

27:53 Adam But it's a weird thing. It's like, look, if you're going to look at the guy's dad, don't give him the BJ. You wouldn't blow dad, would you?

27:59 Drew Give him a tie.

28:01 Adam Yeah, give him a nice clip on.

28:03 Caller I'm confused.

28:04 Adam Yes.

28:04 Caller I'm confused, young lady.

28:05 Drew Yes, yes. You sound like a very nice young lady. And it would suit better if you treat yourself better. Yeah?

28:10 Adam Yeah.

28:11 Caller I know. Like, I know everything that I should do, but it's just...

28:14 Adam Right...

28:14 Caller .doing it is the hard part.

28:16 Adam Yeah. Okay, but how long ago did you break up with your boyfriend?

28:19 Caller In April.

28:20 Adam Okay.

28:21 Drew Two months ago.

28:22 Adam How many guys have you blown since then?

28:24 Caller About seven.

28:26 Adam Really? Sneezy, grumpy, doc, who else?

28:29 Caller Yeah, the whole game. And I've slept with like four.

28:32 Adam Okay. Vanessa. Okay, but listen, Vanessa, as crazy as the last few months have been for you, you still have not crossed the threshold into wild numbers or making movies or doing anything crazy.

28:47 Caller Not yet.

28:48 Adam Okay. Here's my point. You can stop that now. I don't mean stop having sex. I mean, stop doing what you're doing to yourself. You can stop acting out. You want to do that? Okay, but listen, Vanessa, let me explain what's going to happen. And this goes to people who are getting into heroin or giving 28-year-old BJs at parties in the back of the guy's Camaro while he's giving her STDs. Here's the thing. At this point, you can stop No Harm, No Foul. Two years from now, when you've blown 4,000 guys and you got herpes and hepatitis and your new fiancé gives you that penny for your thoughts. Well, and he gives them that speech, you know. I've been with, well, 7 and a half, technically, well, technically 7, but I say 7 and a half because one time I got to second base and she says, I've blown the last 4,000 guys I've been. You've already crossed, you understand?

29:52 Caller Yeah.

29:52 Adam Stop now.

29:54 Caller Okay, I'm sorry.

29:56 Adam All right, or just, no, forget it.

29:58 Drew Get some friends, get important people, keep them close to you, talk a lot.

30:02 Adam Just stop acting out. I don't care if you have sex, as long as it's not acting out, which is what it is when you go, hey, if you find a guy you like, you go on a couple dates, you want to have all kinds of crazy monkey sex with him, that's your business. But you getting drunk at a party and blowing some guy who's near 30 is not a good plan for you.

30:21 Drew You understand the difference?

30:23 Caller Yeah, I do.

30:23 Drew Because the guy with the date, you're probably going to see him again.

30:26 Caller Yeah.

30:27 Adam Okay.

30:27 Drew And he's probably somebody who has some concern for you as a person.

30:29 Adam Listen, your dad left, okay? Big deal. Everyone's dad leaves who calls this show.

30:34 Caller It's hard because I'm like, I can't find any guys that like want to actually like go out on a date.

30:40 Drew But you're not looking for those guys.

30:43 Adam Well, why should they go? They're getting a BJ in the parking lot of the restaurant.

30:46 Caller Well, like, well, because I'm like, I'm kind of overweight, so.

30:49 Adam Okay, listen. Drew, Drew wrote that down, by the way. He thought it was. No, he didn't. Vanessa, here's your big problem. Forget about finding the guys right now. You've had plenty of guys in the last few months. You've had three years' worth of guys in the last three months.

31:04 Drew No, you can get, you can track their attention.

31:06 Adam No problem. You can give anyone a BJ, give a cigar.

31:09 Drew Congratulations.

31:10 Adam A woodney need in front of a cigar store, you could get to come. You understand? Now relax. It's not all about guys and what they're gonna do for you and how they're gonna fix you and how they're gonna make you a hole. You gotta fix that, you gotta work on that. That's you. That's not them. Stop looking for them.

31:26 Drew You know, I was thinking today, I was gonna ask you if you're doing any work with your therapist so you're still being a son of a... No, thank you. Oh, this is nice. I thought you were sleeping. But obviously you are doing a little bit of work. You started talking about your therapist, huh?

31:38 Adam No.

31:39 Drew You're talking about the masturbation?

31:40 Adam How dare you? My therapist could be listening, Drew. No, I don't talk about such things. I told you I can't...

31:48 Drew Such things? I beg your pardon? Such things? Such improprieties?

31:54 Adam In the company of strangers?

31:56 How dare you? Never mind.

31:57 Drew You talk about two minutes of people on the radio every night. A million.

32:00 Did you beat off?

32:01 Adam Listen, Drew, I've told you why I do not talk to my therapist about masturbating. Because I can not talk about masturbating without masturbator. And if he wants me to beat off right there in the office...

32:12 Drew Plus, it takes that full hour to discuss the Laker game.

32:17 Adam How dare you? I've not been discussing anything of any relevance or importance with my therapist. I've not even been going the last few weeks because I've been having to work all those days. Grace?

32:28 Hi. I had sex with someone like five weeks ago. And I heard from all his friends that he has herpes.

32:36 Drew Did you say five weeks ago?

32:38 Yeah, like a month and a half ago or like two months ago around then.

32:40 Drew Was it unprotected sex?

32:42 No, it was protected, but I heard you can get it even though you're wearing a condom. I had oral sex with him too.

32:47 Adam No condom?

32:49 With no condom on the oral sex.

32:51 Adam You didn't see any breakout or anything like that?

32:54 Drew No, I didn't. They're less likely to be contagious if there's no breakout.

32:59 Okay, and I also have a question about it. I got tested though like three weeks ago.

33:03 Adam For what?

33:04 For everything. I just went into general and I just got everything tested like HIV and everything.

33:09 Adam They can't really test for the herpes though.

33:12 Drew Not without an outbreak.

33:13 Adam We got to see something.

33:14 Yeah.

33:15 Drew But it's all right. You don't have anything. Then to see, right?

33:19 Right.

33:19 Drew And they can culture. A lot of women don't know that they have herpes and they will do cultures.

33:23 Yeah, they do the culture.

33:24 Drew Yeah, it was negative?

33:26 Well, I think so because she never called me back. You're fine. I don't hear from her.

33:29 Adam Well, maybe you're dying and she didn't know how to get the words together.

33:33 Drew The place we got to worry about actually is your mouth. You've not had any outbreak around the mouth?

33:37 No.

33:37 Drew All right, relax. Hold on.

33:39 I told her about that. But about HIV, though, like HIV, you know how it could show up six months after even though you got tested before that? Is herpes like that?

33:47 Drew Not so much. Herpes, most will have something within two to four weeks and that's pretty much it.

33:54 Adam Hey, if you get herpes, you have no outbreak. You've never had an outbreak, but somehow you've contracted it. They can culture that?

34:03 Drew No. It's more that you've had an outbreak but didn't know it.

34:10 Adam I see. I know a woman's got a lot of inside parts.

34:12 Drew The women commonly can be just on the cervix and they think they're having a bad period or they're just kind of sick, they have a urine infection, they have a yeast infection, they can masquerade and all sorts of things.

34:26 Adam That herpes way up there? Bad times. Jay? You're 25.

34:32 Caller Yeah.

34:32 Adam What's up?

34:33 Caller Yeah, I had a question for Dr. Drew, well, you know, for you too, Adam, but I've been smoking pot, well, I recently quit, but I've been smoking pot, you know, since I was 12 or 13 years old, in the last, you know, eight or 10 years, really heavy smoker. And I quit in January and I always had a really great memory. You know, people say that pot really affects your memory. I didn't really have any of that kind of problem. You know, people will tell me their phone number, I'd remember right away. But when I quit smoking, I lost my memory, basically. Like the first couple of days, I forgot how to drive a car. I was like, you know-

35:16 Drew Well, you're detoxing though, that'll take a few weeks.

35:18 Caller Uh-huh. And still I haven't quite got my memory back. Like I forgot how to play the guitar, you know, I forgot, I forgot all sorts of things.

35:27 Adam Well, maybe you just thought you know how to play cause you're baked. I thought that.

35:31 Drew Well, what's interesting, there's something called state dependent learning. So maybe you learned those things when you were high.

35:36 Caller Well, yeah, I mean, I definitely started smoking before I started.

35:39 Drew Yeah.

35:39 Adam I know, like I'm almost a professional caliber jazz drummer when I'm stoned. That I know. But I can't play at all when I'm not.

35:48 Drew But the memory issue is more about new learning. In other words, when something down tells you your phone, do you have any trouble remembering them?

35:56 Caller Yeah. I can't remember it as well or I don't seem to retain it as well.

36:00 Drew The other thing is you usually will get depressed for the six months after you stop smoking pot. Is that starting to happen to you?

36:05 Caller No. Not really. I kind of wish I could smoke, but I can't.

36:13 Drew Are you doing something else? Taking any other drugs or alcohol?

36:18 Adam Dr. Drew, have we heard this?

36:19 Caller I drink, but I don't. Like I used to drink a lot more and I used to do a lot more drugs just in general. And no, I don't drink. I mean, you know, I drink beer.

36:30 Drew You haven't stepped anything else up to replace the pot.

36:33 Adam Haven't we heard this before?

36:35 Drew Yeah, but it's usually people who are getting memory problems when they stop. That's why they stop. They're getting frustrated with the fact they can't remember stuff.

36:41 Adam All right. So what's this from?

36:43 Drew Here's the good news about pot is this, in my experience, the vast majority of the symptoms get better, but it will take at least six months.

36:49 Adam Where is the part of the country where people learn to say, huh-uh? Huh-uh.

36:55 Drew That's right. Yeah.

36:57 Where is that?

36:58 Drew Seventh grade.

36:59 Adam Oh, is it?

36:59 Drew Which is when he started smoking pot.

37:01 Adam Interesting. Because we do hear that about every sixth caller. We hear the, huh-uh.

37:08 Drew My kids say that.

37:09 Adam Oh, so it's what you do when you're a kid. Yeah. And if you never really got out of that.

37:12 Drew When you start smoking pot, then you don't develop.

37:14 Adam Interesting.

37:15 Drew Isn't that wild?

37:16 Adam All right.

37:16 Drew That's like our girls with the little girl voices.

37:19 Adam Right. So the male equivalent to the little girl voice is, huh-uh. I mean, not progressive. I'll tell you, I saw some like A&E special on Marilyn Monroe just a few nights back, and I was listening to her with my new Loveline ears, and I was, you know, watching her sing Happy Birthday to Mr. President, and just multi-interviews and movie parts, and I realized, oh my god, somebody did something awful to that poor woman, and for a while. I mean, you listen, go back, watch a watch a movie or better yet, because you could, you know, you could chalk that up to acting, but watch just an interview or something with Marilyn Monroe, listen to her voice, and then listen to the type of people we're talking about on this show, and you'll realize, wow.

38:11 Drew That's where we got off on the wrong foot in terms of understanding these people. It became, look how sexy she is.

38:16 Adam Right, instead of just an abuse victim. Yeah. All right, should we go kill ourselves?

38:21 Drew No, let's have some more nuts. Okay.

38:23 Adam Remember, guys, all good-looking women have been raped. We'll be back.

38:29 Drew Hello?

38:30 Caller Is this Loveline?

38:31 Call 1-800-LOVE-191.

38:33 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

38:37 Hi, this is Chris from The Living End, and you're listening to Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Don't touch that dial.

38:44 Caller All right.

38:45 It's Loveline.

38:46 Adam I'm Adam. Hey, that's Drew. Just like the guy said. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Who's on here tomorrow? The cult will be in here tomorrow. That is a good band. And I think they're back. So we'll talk to those guys tomorrow.

39:04 Caller There you go.

39:06 Adam That's the cult. Where's that real signature cult sound? There it is. Now you know it's the cult. All right. We'll talk to them tomorrow. Weren't they in here a few years ago?

39:18 Drew I thought it was a few months ago. Like eight months ago, ten months ago.

39:22 Adam A year ago? I don't know. Ask Ann when the cult was in. Anderson, you remember about a year ago?

39:27 Drew Yeah.

39:28 Adam Jamie?

39:29 Yeah?

39:30 Adam You're 39. What's up?

39:34 Caller I was physically abused as a child and beaten and battered left and right, but it wasn't until I had a small procedure done at the gynecologist that I found out that I was sexually mutilated.

39:49 Drew What do you mean you found out? Where were you when that happened?

39:53 Caller I had a cyst that needed to be lanced.

39:56 Drew No, no, why didn't you know you had been?

39:59 Caller As far as I can, I have no memory of it whatsoever. I always felt that my mother never crossed that line. But...

40:08 Adam My mother?

40:10 Caller Yeah, my mother. She was psychotic, drugs, you know, the whole work.

40:16 Adam So she was the one perpetrating the abuse?

40:18 Caller Yes.

40:19 Adam Physical abuse?

40:21 Caller Physical, mental, and I always thought that there was this little line she never crossed that was sexual.

40:28 Adam So you never remembered any kind of sexual abuse from her?

40:32 Caller None.

40:33 Drew None whatsoever. How about her drug addict friends?

40:37 Caller Well, no. She stuck to prescription drugs and she was very paranoid, so she isolated herself. She drove my father away, my brother away, got everybody out of the house. So it was just her and me. And all I could think of was that she did this mutilation when I was a baby.

40:53 Drew Well, what has they noticed?

40:56 Caller According to the gynecologist, there were straight line scars all over my vaginal injury area. And there was a large purplish area that looked like a permanent bruise. And I could identify that because I have been kicked down there by my mother. But, you know, the doctor started to ask me questions about did you have any surgeries that you know of?

41:23 Adam How come nobody picked this up before?

41:26 Caller Well, when I started seeing gynecologists, I never had to shave. But because they were dealing with a cyst, I had to shave the area for them to drain the cyst.

41:37 Drew A Bartholin cyst?

41:38 Caller Huh?

41:39 Drew Something like a Bartholin cyst?

41:41 Caller Actually, it turned out to be not as crucial.

41:43 Adam I do my own draining, as you know, Drew, so I can't identify it because...

41:46 Drew Lansing is what you do.

41:47 Adam Thank you. Lansing drain.

41:49 Caller Anyway, the area had to be shaved, so that was the first time somebody saw the scar.

41:53 Drew Okay, that makes sense.

41:54 Adam Okay.

41:55 Drew All right, so what's the question?

41:56 Adam Yeah, good time.

41:57 Drew Yeah, mom's nuts. Okay.

41:58 Adam Is mom dead?

42:00 Caller Yeah, yeah. Oh, good. I was quite happy to planter, as a matter of fact.

42:04 Drew That's great.

42:05 Adam I would have loved to have been there and watched you deliver that eulogy.

42:09 Caller No, I actually had nothing to say, neither did my brother. It turned out he was abused as a child, too.

42:14 Drew Shocking.

42:15 Adam And how have your relationships been?

42:18 Caller Well, I haven't had that many relationships, but until I married my husband, I did fixate on older men, seeing that my father was out of the picture.

42:30 Adam Do you have kids of your own?

42:32 Caller No. No. I don't think I'm able to have children. I miscarried before the first trimester.

42:38 Drew Oh, interesting.

42:40 Adam Do you think that could be a product of the abuse?

42:42 Drew Do you have warts or do you need any cervical procedures or anything?

42:46 Caller Well, for a very, very young child, I had a lot of vaginal infection related to unclean underwear, etc.

42:57 Drew If I remember right, the first trimester is more the genetic disorders of the developing fields, while the second third is the cervical competency.

43:05 Adam Jamie, as you know, I'm a big fan of denial. Your mom's a horrible person that abused you horribly. This may have been something that she caused, or maybe it wasn't. I mean, I don't know. I don't know if there's some sort of a vaginal pathologist who could figure this out.

43:22 Drew Is that your question?

43:24 Caller Well, basically, the way the doctor described it, it looked like somebody took a razor blade to my private area.

43:29 Drew Very nice. Is that it? What's your question about that, though?

43:33 Caller Well, I was something of an infomaniac. As soon as I became sexually aware, I didn't have that many partners, but I was sex-obsessed.

43:46 Drew But that could be just the abuse of...

43:48 Adam But what's the question still?

43:50 Caller Well, since this has happened, my sexual desire has gone to nothing.

43:55 Drew Since what has happened?

43:56 Adam They found the scars?

43:58 Caller I'm sorry?

43:59 Adam Since they found the scarring?

44:01 Caller Since they found the scarring. It was so severe that the doctor even wanted to find out if my husband had done this because he was ready to report him for abuse.

44:13 Adam Alright.

44:14 Drew And you don't have any kind of multiple personality or anything like that?

44:17 Caller No, no. I'm... Okay.

44:19 Adam Well, listen, I'm sure when you got this report, it dredged up a lot of feelings. And for women, that's what sex is about, feelings, and it shuts you down for a while. You'll be back on that horse. Also, perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

44:36 Of course.

44:36 Adam Also, for women who have been through what she's been through, we were just talking about it last night, you get into that manic hyper sex time, and then you have those dormant periods.

44:47 Caller Right, right.

44:47 Adam She may be entering that.

44:49 Drew Yeah. I'm also interested in how you, how you talk about women's connection with their feelings and sex. You say it with outrage, outlandish.

44:56 Adam How dare you?

44:57 Drew How dare they? Sex is about feelings, right? Can you imagine that?

45:00 Adam It could, it could be, it's connected to the news, I'm sure. Not the scarring, because you're having plenty good sex before you knew about it.

45:08 Drew I wonder if she did that to herself, because sometimes people that are badly abused will cut on themselves, and that's a place they cut.

45:14 Adam Kimberly?

45:15 Yes.

45:16 Adam Well, don't freak around. You're 22. What's up?

45:19 Caller Yeah. Good evening. Thank you for taking my call.

45:22 Adam Thank you for calling the show.

45:25 Caller My problem is that I had a second trimester abortion about four years ago. Why? I just couldn't have it. I didn't want to have it.

45:38 Adam Wait. Hold on a second, Drew. We got to go to break. But what is this? Is the next call someone got an M-80 put in their vagina? I'm going nuts here. All these women with these crazy vaginal problems. Well, take some guy who got his dork caught in a blender or something, for Christ's sake. Damien. Enough with the vaginal mutilations. Bring me down. Tara. Easy with all the vag stuff. Who knows what goes on in the old vagina, the old vagina, the old vagina. I'm about ready to sprout a vagina. And it's not going to be in good shape either. We'll take a little break. We'll ramp up with Kimberly and then we'll get to some good penis questions after this. Howdy, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Drew. The Colt is gonna be in here tomorrow night for all you Colt fans. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Let's hop back, and you don't want to finish up that last one?

46:56 Drew We didn't do that one at all.

46:58 Adam I got into her vagina.

47:00 Drew Yeah, but you got off it into Penisville.

47:03 Adam But I was knee deep in her vagina.

47:04 Drew All right, let's do it. That was four, wasn't it?

47:06 Caller Yeah.

47:07 Adam I think so. Kimberly?

47:08 Caller Yes. Hi. Okay, this is my problem. My problem is that I had a second trimester abortion throughout the pregnancy. I was using Speed heavily. I mean, every day, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, it was just crazy. And ever since about two months after I had it, I've been having these crazy symptoms. I've got a lot of fatigue, bad digestion, recurrent yeast infections, memory loss, headaches.

47:35 Drew Well, that's Speed. That's what Speed does. How long have you been off Speed?

47:38 Caller I've been off for four years ever since I had the abortion.

47:40 Drew Well, unfortunately, it's the memory problems, the mood disturbances, the feeling not right can be permanent from Speed.

47:48 Caller But I also have body odor and skin rashes that doctors say is fungus. I've got low blood pressure, iron deficiency and all these kinds of things. And it's really driving me crazy. I sent a blood sample to the UK to be tested for Candida albicans overgrowth.

48:02 Drew Kimberly, you're a severe drug addict. You damage parts of your body from that. It's not going to be the same. You're going to have weird symptoms. That's what happens when you've been doing a lot of drugs.

48:12 Adam Why did you send a blood sample to the UK?

48:15 Caller Because I kind of suspected Candida albicans overgrowth.

48:21 Drew Kimberly, you don't need any of that. You have plenty of reason to have problems. Just with the Speed. What are you doing for your addiction? Are you using anything else now?

48:30 Caller No, I'm completely off of everything. I'm cold turkey and I never missed it.

48:36 Drew Are you on any medication?

48:38 Caller No, I'm not.

48:42 Adam What's with the UK and the Canada? Shouldn't you send your stuff to Canada?

48:47 Caller Well, the thing is that nobody wanted to do that blood test for me here. They were like, no, you have depression. All these are...

48:57 Drew Yeah, that's right. This is all typical of people that have done a lot of Speed and then come off it. It damages the brain. I would say if you want to check out the National Institute of Drug Abuse, they have a bunch of an area in there that shows what happens to brain after periods of Speed exposure, particularly heavy Speed exposure, and depression, all sorts of funny feelings, or normal memory disturbances.

49:20 Adam This could have nothing to do with the abortion?

49:22 Drew This has nothing to do with the abortion.

49:24 Adam What about the fact that she was doing a lot of Speed when she was pregnant? Does that change anything?

49:30 Drew Not to my knowledge.

49:31 Adam What about getting an abortion when you're doing a lot of Speed?

49:35 Drew Not to my knowledge.

49:36 Adam Okay.

49:37 Drew Good questions, but I don't think it makes a difference.

49:39 Adam Well, here's the thing that Drew has alerted me to. We always hear about these success stories of all these people are strung out on heroin or Speed or whatever the hell it was, they're on death's door, and that two years later they've been sober, they've been working out, they got it back together. That does happen, but sometimes people don't snap back.

49:57 Caller Oh, you got to understand.

49:58 Drew There are three drugs in which you will not snap back, Ecstasy, Speed, and LSD.

50:02 Adam Really? I didn't know Speed was in there.

50:04 Drew You got to do a lot of it, though, you got to do a lot of Speed.

50:07 Adam You're saying I should do a lot of Speed?

50:09 Drew You need to, you personally need to do a lot.

50:10 Adam You got to do a lot of Speed.

50:10 Drew Yeah, you got to do a lot.

50:11 Adam That's what I heard.

50:12 Drew And Kimberly, when you don't replace the drugs of addiction with a process like recovery, the mood disturbances and the anxiety are usually profound, so I suggest you get involved in the program of recovery.

50:22 Adam Alright, let's talk to Casey, who's 14. Casey?

50:26 Caller Hey, Adam. I heard the guy with the Icy Hot earlier.

50:29 That guy was still full of crap.

50:31 Adam Yeah.

50:32 Caller You don't do that on purpose if you don't do it more than once. That hurts so bad.

50:37 Adam It does, putting the Icy Hot on the penis, huh?

50:39 Caller That guy was still full of crap.

50:41 Drew What happened to you?

50:42 Caller Well, I was playing, I was at a baseball game and my arm hurt, and I got it, I used it with my left hand to get it on my right arm, and I went to the bathroom, and it burned for like half an hour.

50:51 Adam Was it Icy Hot?

50:52 Caller Yeah, it was Icy Hot.

50:53 Adam Yeah. Well, I suspected the guy had a bogus call, but I've never really used that Icy Hot, and because the word Icy was in it, I thought, well.

51:04 Caller Yeah, I don't know, but Adam, I'd like to tell you, I've gone beyond the writing on my shoes. Your name, Ace Rockolla, is actually in my screen name online.

51:15 Drew You're gay.

51:15 Caller Wow.

51:17 Adam That is great news.

51:19 Caller Yeah.

51:19 Drew Did you used to go to drdrew.com?

51:21 Caller I went there once and I didn't like it.

51:25 Drew There's a guy with that screen name used to go to the chat room.

51:27 You're an asshole.

51:30 Adam See, Drew, what happens when you ask questions?

51:32 Drew Well, I'm curious, what didn't you like?

51:33 Caller Dude, I don't know, it's just the chatting is weird.

51:35 Adam Lame, right? Lame, oh. Lame with a capital L. Thanks, brother. Hey, you keep up God's work, all right? All right. All right. It's a kindred spirit there. Ace Rockolla is the screen name.

51:49 Drew There's a lot of those. I used to run into some of those guys.

51:52 Adam Yeah, yeah. You know, it's funny is, I don't know, it just popped in my head, but I remember about, and it was about four years ago, five years ago, somebody had bought the name of like adamcarolla.com.

52:03 Drew Yeah.

52:04 Adam Because that was back during the days when they would scam you. They'd spend 65 bucks, register the thing, then they'd have it, and then theoretically, I would buy it back off of them one day when I was ready to launch my website or sell my merchandise.

52:16 Drew Yeah.

52:17 Adam I still can't turn on the goddamn computer. I'll tell you, that was the worst money, that was the worst money management decision anyone has ever made buying my name for something that has something to do with a computer. I still have no idea what the internet is. I have no idea how to work a computer. I can't type my name.

52:35 Drew That's good.

52:35 Adam I've never been on the internet.

52:37 Drew That's good, because even if you could get on, you couldn't read it that was there.

52:39 Adam No, I could not read that. That's good. And let me tell you something, if anybody, and this is really funny, sometimes people will say, yeah, some one time someone reported back to me, anyone who knows me would laugh their ass off. Some guy was doing the X, was on like the X show website, which is amazingly cancelled.

53:00 Drew No.

53:00 Adam Hey.

53:01 Drew Well you ripped them off, of course, now they're going to.

53:03 Adam Sure, sure, that's right. I remember when the Man Show came out, everyone said, what about the X show? Everyone said, what about the Happy Hour? What about all these other shows? And what was my answer, Drew?

53:15 Drew You'll see.

53:16 Adam We'll see. Oh, and the Man Show is going for its fourth episode coming up next. Four season coming up next year. But wild coincidence. But somebody said some guy named Adam Corolla got on the website, the X show website, and they were sure it was me.

53:33 Drew No way. No way.

53:35 Caller No way.

53:37 Drew No way.

53:38 Adam This guy was typing in all sorts of crap.

53:40 Drew Typing.

53:41 Caller Typing sounded just like Adam Corolla.

53:44 Adam We're sure it was him. Drew, you're knowing me.

53:48 Drew You have an ironclad alibi in me. No way. Right.

53:52 Adam As a doctor.

53:54 Drew No way. No way.

53:55 Adam Thank you. Laurie?

53:57 Yeah.

53:58 Adam You're 20. What's up?

53:59 Caller Well, I was raped five years ago back when I was a freshman in high school.

54:03 Adam Good times.

54:04 Caller No, not really. But I used to have nightmares about it, but just here since I hit the fifth year, they've gotten really bad and I just don't know how to get rid of them.

54:16 Drew How did you deal with this when it happened?

54:19 Caller Well, when it happened, my mother put me into counseling and I was put on Prozac for a while and pretty much isolated from all my friends.

54:29 Drew And you isolated yourself?

54:30 Caller No, my mother isolated me.

54:32 Drew Why?

54:33 Caller Because, well, I lived in a real small town in Arkansas and, I mean, it happened on a Saturday night. Everybody found out about it by Sunday morning and it just, it did a lot of damage to me and my mother, I think she really couldn't handle it.

54:47 Adam You were 15?

54:48 Drew Why does you being raped do damage to you in terms of your ability to feel ashamed of yourself?

54:55 Adam Well, you know, small town and people and...

54:57 Drew Wait a minute. You were a victim of a violent crime. Why should the town come down on you?

55:03 Caller Yeah, well, I mean, they did. I mean, pretty much everybody thought it was my fault and I was the one that wanted it. And, what I mean, the guy got his...

55:10 Drew You've got to be kidding me.

55:11 Caller No, the guy got his...

55:12 Adam No, listen, that's her interpretation of it.

55:15 Caller No, listen.

55:16 Adam Go ahead.

55:17 Caller Okay, I mean, the guy bought his way out of it and everything. I mean, my town, there's only like 1500 people in it. I mean, his cousin was the sheriff and what not. So, he pretty much bought his way out of it. And so, I never really had closure from it.

55:31 Adam How old was the guy?

55:32 Caller Twenty.

55:33 Adam And what happened?

55:34 Caller Well, I was spending the night at a friend's house and we thought, hey, we're going to be cool and sneak out to this older guy's party or whatever. And, I mean, I liked him and I thought I could trust him or whatever and we ended up drinking. I drank, I don't even know how much ever clear and got really drunk. And, I mean, I can remember everything that happened that night. I mean, just saying no and everything else.

56:01 Drew How old were you again?

56:02 Caller Fifteen.

56:04 Adam So, did he held you down?

56:07 Drew Did he hold a knife to you or something?

56:08 Caller No, he just, I mean, he was bigger than me.

56:10 Adam Right.

56:11 Caller I mean, I'm not that big.

56:13 Adam So, the next day you told your mom.

56:15 Caller Well, actually, our moms were looking for us that night because they came in, like, her mom came into the room to tell us something and we weren't there and called my mom and my mom knew exactly, you know, she's like, I know exactly where they are. And right after it happened, my mother showed up. I had, you know, just, I had blood all over me and my mom showed up.

56:36 Adam Blood?

56:37 Caller Yeah.

56:38 Adam What happened?

56:39 Caller I mean, I was, I have a huge scar on the inside of my vaginal wall from it, from where he was, where he forced himself in, because it was my first time and everything.

56:49 Adam Oh my God.

56:50 Caller Yeah.

56:51 Adam So, okay, so you brought charges up against the guy.

56:55 Drew Had you ever been victimized before that?

56:56 Caller No, I wasn't.

56:58 Drew Never.

56:58 Adam And what, and what happened? How did he buy his way out of it?

57:02 Caller I mean, he pretty much just said, I mean, had all his friends up there, started going against me and saying no. You know, she was the one that was saying, yeah, I want it, I want it. And I mean, in the town, it depends on how much money you had to see where things would go. You know what I'm saying?

57:21 Adam What do you mean, how much money you had?

57:23 Caller I mean, the more, the people that had the most money, you know, they could get anybody to believe them. Why? Just the way small Arkansas hick towns are.

57:30 Adam Did they pay them? Did he pay the jury?

57:33 Caller There, it never got to court or anything. I mean, everything was just dropped before it could get anywhere.

57:39 Adam He paid the judge?

57:41 Caller Like, I don't know what happened. I mean, it never, we were never called to court about it or nothing. I mean, my mother did what she could. I mean, we had like thousands and thousands of dollars worth of hospital bills that, you know.

57:55 Adam Why didn't, and those, the medical records weren't brought into the court?

57:58 Caller They were, but they also looked at my blood alcohol level, which was four times the legal limit, and they were trying to pin it on my mom, saying she wasn't taking care of me or whatever, because I was a minor and...

58:09 Drew Well, it was something to that.

58:11 Caller I mean, it was just, it was a real horrible ordeal.

58:13 Adam How did your mom know where to look?

58:16 Caller Well, because she knew I liked the guy, and like, and I was like, you know, I was like, oh, that's where he, that's where his friends live and they party or whatever. My mom has a photographing memory. She remembers where they lived.

58:27 Adam Okay. Where's your dad?

58:29 Caller I've never known my dad.

58:32 Adam All right.

58:32 Drew Does your mom drink a little bit, too?

58:33 Caller No, she doesn't. She had heart problems, so she has to, she can't.

58:39 Drew Dad did, though.

58:41 Caller I guess. I don't know. My stepdad drinks a lot.

58:43 Adam Oh, okay.

58:44 Caller He drinks and smokes a lot.

58:46 Adam Bad times.

58:47 Caller Yeah.

58:48 Adam All right. So now you're looking for what?

58:50 Caller Just, I don't, I mean, is there, should I go back to counseling?

58:54 Drew Yes.

58:55 Adam Oh, yeah.

58:55 Drew Yeah.

58:55 Caller Because, I mean, it's just, I used to, I'd have nightmares about it, and I wouldn't remember.

59:00 Drew Laura, there's a ton going on here, a ton. Just dealing with the alcoholic stepdad, the abandoning father, those two things by themselves enough to get back and do a little work. And now with all the trauma and you have to move, you have friends now?

59:11 Caller Uh-huh.

59:12 Caller Well, I moved in with my mom's younger sister back that summer, my freshman year, because I got a job in Texas at an amusement park, and I've just stayed here, and I mean, I've got great friends down here.

59:22 Adam At 15, you got a job at an amusement park?

59:24 Caller Uh-huh.

59:25 Caller Yeah.

59:26 Adam You moved to another...

59:28 Drew Are you in college now?...

59:28 Adam was in Texas from Arkansas?

59:30 Drew Well, that's not that far. Are you in college now?

59:31 Adam Well, I know. It's just weird moving to another state at 15 and working there.

59:36 Caller Well, it was all my choice, and I came down here and started working, and I just made all kinds of friends. I was like, I don't want to go home.

59:41 Drew Are you in college now?

59:42 Caller I will be in the fall again.

59:44 Drew All right. So there's a lot of good stuff happening, but it could sort of derail if you don't take care of some of this stuff, and the symptoms you're having now I think can really be dealt with. Yeah. And it may actually be time for some pharmacotherapy, some medication too. Really?

59:56 Adam Why?

59:57 Drew Just because the affect attached to all this is going to start to surface, and it could get difficult for her to manage while she's trying to deal with school and other things.

1:00:05 Caller Yeah.

1:00:06 Drew She's complaining about symptoms. That may be a little control of medicine.

1:00:10 Adam Annika?

1:00:11 Caller Hey.

1:00:11 Adam Hey, you're 19.

1:00:12 Caller Yeah, I want to give a shout out from IV.

1:00:15 Adam Yeah. I was damn close to IV today.

1:00:18 Caller Really?

1:00:19 Adam That's Isla Vista, everybody. That's where University of Santa Barbara is, or UC Santa Barbara.

1:00:25 Caller Yeah.

1:00:25 Adam Yeah, good times.

1:00:27 Caller Yeah, it's final week right now. Real good times.

1:00:29 Adam Yeah, you know what I was remembering as I was driving back from Santa Barbara today? You know the good thing about growing up in a town and remaining there your whole life is you don't have to go back and visit the old neighborhood. You can drive down. You know, you hear those stories that the, you know, some prize fighter says that he drives down to his old neighborhood in Brooklyn. Except for this time, he's wearing a fur coat. He has a pinky ring and he's driving in a limousine.

1:01:01 Drew Right.

1:01:02 Adam All I got to do is go to my dad's house and I get to drive that route. You know, I just drive everywhere I go.

1:01:08 Drew Hasn't changed.

1:01:09 Adam I've been.

1:01:10 Drew Which is why it's good. You've built yourself a house three blocks from there.

1:01:13 Adam Right.

1:01:14 Drew It's nice.

1:01:14 Adam The party house. But here's my point. I was driving home from Santa Barbara today. It was a beautiful day. I was in a beautiful car and I had a beautiful meeting and everything was great. And I was thinking as I was driving back about the time I drove to Isla Vista, which is ten miles further than Santa Barbara, which is a hundred miles. Takes an hour and 45 minutes to get there. I was on my motorcycle.

1:01:38 Drew Oh, in the rain.

1:01:39 Adam It started raining when I got on the freeway off of Laurel Canyon in North Hollywood. And it poured and it was at night and it was during the winter. And I just, I was hanging on the white knuckled on to these blue knuckled on to my handlebars. I was going, when you drive at 75 and it's raining hard, it beats on you. And I, and I peed on myself.

1:02:00 Caller That was the thing.

1:02:01 Adam I, that's, that's, that's the part I was remembering.

1:02:03 Drew Was the girl you were going to visit impressed when you were riding?

1:02:05 Adam No, no girl.

1:02:06 Caller Guy.

1:02:07 Adam Somewhere around Oxnard. I just myself. I said, look, I couldn't get any wetter. I couldn't get any colder. Why not just pee on myself?

1:02:16 Drew I didn't even get the pee out when you're leaning over your handlebars, frozen to death.

1:02:20 Adam You'll go. Well, I could have had to start going in, in like West Hills and just started flowing around Oxnard or Ventura. Well, anyway, good time.

1:02:30 Drew I think everyone who's a loser in college makes that trip to Santa Barbara. I was different before I did that.

1:02:36 Adam Yeah. Good times over there. What's up there, Annika?

1:02:39 Drew I don't mean people who are there are losers. I mean, those of us that were down here at any period of time, we always try to go up there.

1:02:45 Adam They used to have a good Halloween party out there.

1:02:47 Caller Yeah. Not so much anymore. There's like 20 foot patrol to every block now. Yeah.

1:02:52 Adam They used to block off the street. Everyone would do drugs and just wander around.

1:02:55 Drew Your car almost turned over. Remember that? Wasn't that in Halloween?

1:02:59 Adam No. Where?

1:03:00 Drew In Santa Barbara.

1:03:01 Adam A lot of weird stories there.

1:03:03 Drew Remember you were there, right? Do you tell people to gun it and run the people over?

1:03:08 Adam Oh, yeah. That was later in life. That was in a van. Yeah. I'm sorry. Go ahead, Annika.

1:03:13 Drew Yeah.

1:03:13 Caller So I was dating this guy for like a month and he had these little brown spots on his penis that looked like freckles and I've never seen freckles on a penis before.

1:03:23 Drew You may see them again.

1:03:25 Caller Oh, it's totally normal.

1:03:26 Drew Yeah.

1:03:27 Caller Oh, okay.

1:03:27 Adam Really?

1:03:28 Drew Yeah.

1:03:29 Adam I've seen a lot of schvanz and I've never seen freckles on a penis.

1:03:32 Yeah.

1:03:32 Caller He didn't have them anywhere else on his body either, which was...

1:03:35 Adam What color is the guy?

1:03:36 Caller He's white.

1:03:37 Adam You know? Sometimes guys who have dark pigmented skin have things going on with their dork.

1:03:43 Drew This was a little bit raised though, right?

1:03:45 Caller What, the freckles?

1:03:46 Drew These things are a little raised or they flat?

1:03:48 Caller They seemed flat. I didn't. I mean, yeah, they were flat.

1:03:51 Caller Oh, you know.

1:03:52 Drew There can be discolorations and things. It's normal.

1:03:55 Adam Did you ever ask him about it?

1:03:56 Caller No, no.

1:03:58 Adam You were dating the guy.

1:03:59 Drew I know.

1:03:59 Caller It's not odd that I didn't ask him, but no, I didn't.

1:04:01 Adam Well, I don't blame you. I wouldn't ask either.

1:04:04 Caller Yeah. Well, I was thinking maybe it was like scars from warts or herpes.

1:04:08 Drew It's possible. They can pigment. That can happen.

1:04:11 Adam Yeah?

1:04:11 Drew Yeah, that can happen.

1:04:13 Adam Well, she's not going out with him anymore, right? Jason? Yeah? You're 26. What's up?

1:04:19 Caller Oh, hey. Yeah, I got in a truck accident a while ago and I hurt my back and stuff. And anyways...

1:04:28 Adam These say truck, truck or track?

1:04:30 Caller Truck. Track.

1:04:33 Drew Track.

1:04:36 Caller Anyways, I get bad migraines now. I've been having them ever since the accident. And the doctor prescribed me, I'm a track. But like he never prescribed like the amount I should be taking daily or whatever. And like he gives me their 50-milligram tablets.

1:04:53 Drew Yeah.

1:04:53 Caller And the only thing he told me to do was to break them in half.

1:04:56 Drew You definitely should not be taking more than 100 milligrams a day. And you should definitely not be taking them every day.

1:05:02 Caller See, I take them like, I take 25 milligrams, like usually around 11 or noon. And then I take another 25 milligrams.

1:05:08 Drew Well, basically these aren't migraines. And so the image track, well, there's something to do with the neck. It's either muscular headaches with scalp muscle headache from the neck injury or it's something else.

1:05:21 Adam I know they're not migraines. Because they wouldn't be connected to the accident.

1:05:26 Drew They aren't day in and day out like that. And they go away with image tracks. They go away.

1:05:31 Adam Migraines, yeah.

1:05:33 Drew Migraines. You're just popping pills. So what other pills are you taking?

1:05:35 Adam Yeah, junky.

1:05:38 Drew Darvuset. Yeah, there you go. That's why you have the headaches and back pain.

1:05:41 Caller Well, I take a half a darvuset with the imitrax. And he said, Imitrax, ibuprofen, or Motrin 800s, and then the darvusets. And I could take like, you know, he said I can take them all together because they're, you know, I guess in the same family.

1:05:59 Drew How much darvuset are you taking a day?

1:06:01 Caller I just take a half a darvuset. I think they're 500 milligrams.

1:06:04 Drew Once a day?

1:06:06 Caller No, I break one and a half and I take a half with my half imitrex and half with my other half.

1:06:10 Drew No, I'm going to ask you again, how many darvusets are you taking a day?

1:06:13 Caller Just the one.

1:06:14 Drew One tablet a day?

1:06:16 Caller Just one, yeah, one full tablet a day. But like, he doesn't...

1:06:20 Drew The imitrex can start giving you headaches if you use too much of it. So just, you know, you need to get evaluated by somebody specialized in headaches.

1:06:26 Adam Hey, can you get migraines from an accident?

1:06:29 Drew Not that, no.

1:06:30 Adam Not really?

1:06:30 Drew Not really, no. Not classic migraines. How do you get headaches? Bad headaches.

1:06:34 Caller I got migraines before. I don't know if they're actually migraines. It's just a real severe headache.

1:06:38 Drew Yeah, bad headaches.

1:06:40 Caller Right, but I mean, I don't know. It's just he didn't, he never, he never told me don't take more than this.

1:06:46 Drew I'm telling you, don't take more than a hundred milligrams a day. But I think taking it every day is way too much. And you really don't even have a migraine. So the use of Imitrex is sort of questionable here.

1:06:54 Adam You get strung out on that stuff?

1:06:56 Drew Yeah, migraines, headaches can have multiple causes. And these medicines like Imitrex can be useful even without classic migraines. But I've seen people get, you know, with this kind of thing, he just sort of, he's threading water, he doesn't have a good treatment plan.

1:07:10 Adam No easier thing for your body to produce than a headache if it wants something too.

1:07:14 Drew Oh yes.

1:07:15 Adam I mean that's the easiest thing to sum it up.

1:07:17 Drew That's absolutely what happens. And the withdrawal from the medicines cause headache. Right. So you got the pain reward mechanism and the withdrawal.

1:07:25 Adam John?

1:07:26 Caller Yes.

1:07:27 How are you doing?

1:07:28 Adam Good. You're 38. What's up?

1:07:30 Caller Yeah. I have this problem with, I am very large. And my other half is having a problem taking the whole thing.

1:07:43 Adam Is that your balls? Are you talking about, oh you're talking about your wife?

1:07:47 Caller Yeah, my wife.

1:07:48 Adam I see.

1:07:49 Drew By the other half, you mean?

1:07:50 Adam Yeah, so usually sometimes when I talk about my other half, I talk about my balls.

1:07:54 Drew I see.

1:07:54 Caller Oh, well, no, I'm not talking about my balls.

1:07:56 Adam I see. And what are you measuring at?

1:08:00 Caller About 10, 10 and a half.

1:08:01 I'm a big boy.

1:08:03 Adam Boy?

1:08:04 Caller I'm a real big boy.

1:08:05 Adam Yeah, hold on a second there, John. We got to take a break, but we're going to get back with this, all right?

1:08:10 Okay. All right.

1:08:11 Drew He's checking people out now.

1:08:12 Adam By the way, I love that my penis is so big, I didn't have to sweat that other half-inch. You know what I mean?

1:08:19 Drew Ten and a half.

1:08:20 Adam Ten, ten and a half. Me, I'm like, hey, I'm five and thirteen sixteenths. Ten, ten and a half.

1:08:31 Drew Two of your penises. Isn't that nice?

1:08:33 Adam What's that?

1:08:33 Drew He's got two of your penises.

1:08:35 Adam How dare you?

1:08:36 Drew He does.

1:08:37 Adam How dare you?

1:08:38 Drew He does.

1:08:38 Adam How dare you? He does not have two of my penises. Two of my penises would be nine.

1:08:47 Caller No.

1:08:51 Adam No, two of my penises would be twelve.

1:08:54 Drew Oh, good times.

1:08:55 Adam Maybe twelve and change.

1:08:56 Drew Oh, I'm impressed.

1:08:57 Adam Oh, yes.

1:08:58 Drew Good times.

1:08:59 Adam Oh, yes. We'll be back.

1:09:03 Caller Love Line with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:09:08 Caller Hi, this is Brian and Gordon from Violent Femmes, and you're listening to Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew on Love Line.

1:09:18 Adam Yes, you is. Phone number, 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Want to give Dr. Bruce a plug?

1:09:27 Drew Yeah, he doesn't. I need his phone number, though.

1:09:30 Adam He doesn't have it?

1:09:31 Drew I'm sure he has it, but Bruce, again, is here with three people lined up out the door to get his special treatments.

1:09:36 Adam His laser treatments.

1:09:37 Drew His laser and his microdermabrasion. He's really become quite an expert in this stuff, but the thing he's becoming known for is tattoo removal.

1:09:43 Adam That's right.

1:09:44 Drew And he also can do these laser facials and get rid of wrinkles and all kinds of fun stuff.

1:09:49 Adam He came over and played basketball on Sunday. Yeah. Dr. Bruce fills in for Dr. Drew from time to time. Anyone who listens to the show knows his name. He is all Adam's apple and elbows that guy. I mean, I said to a guy, when he guards you, it's like an evil sorcerer put a curse on a scarecrow and animated it, brought it to life and had it guard you.

1:10:16 Drew Ichabod Crane?

1:10:18 Adam Yeah.

1:10:18 Drew Oh, no.

1:10:19 Adam Crazy, crazy out there. John?

1:10:23 Caller Yes.

1:10:24 Adam All right.

1:10:24 Drew John with the...

1:10:26 Adam Ten, ten and a half on the penis.

1:10:28 Caller Yes.

1:10:28 Adam And what size is your wife?

1:10:31 Caller What size is my wife?

1:10:32 Drew How tall is she?

1:10:33 Adam Yeah.

1:10:34 Caller She's about 5'7. All right.

1:10:36 Adam Mm-hmm. And she can't take all that.

1:10:39 Caller No, she can't.

1:10:40 Drew What happens?

1:10:41 Caller I just can't go in all the way.

1:10:43 Drew Well, that's all right.

1:10:44 Caller It really hurts.

1:10:46 Drew So why do you have to go in all the way?

1:10:50 Caller I guess it's a man thing. I have no idea. I mean, it feels good, but it just doesn't feel like I'm being pleased like I should.

1:11:00 Drew With the work it ends with.

1:11:02 Caller I've been in relationships before. I was always with men before, too. And this is my first experience with a woman. I've been with her for four years now.

1:11:18 Drew Well, the...

1:11:19 Adam Oh, hold on. You put that Redwood log in some guy's ass?

1:11:26 Drew Yeah. Oh. Well, the thing about the rectum is that there's no sort of dead end like there is in the vagina. Vagina dead ends.

1:11:38 Adam What do you mean dead end? You'll have a dead end if this guy gets you with that big door.

1:11:43 Drew The vagina dead ends into the cervix, the uterus. The rectum, if you can make that sigmoid curve, it keeps going.

1:11:50 Adam Well, the rectum's more of a cul-de-sac.

1:11:52 Drew No, it's nine feet.

1:11:54 Adam I just want to get sack in there. So you're saying, with the rectum, you theoretically could fish a jump rope up there, and it would keep going. There's no end to it.

1:12:07 Drew So he got used to being able to go in as far as he wanted to, which is not a good thing.

1:12:11 Caller Yeah, and see, it was a friend of mine, and I talk to him all the time. And am I allowed to say his first name?

1:12:20 Adam What are you talking about? This is bogus.

1:12:23 Caller I mean, there's a lot.

1:12:25 Adam All right. Hold on a second. I think this guy's bogus.

1:12:27 Drew Yeah. I don't know why he needs to say anybody's name. Let's hear what he was trying to say about it. I'm curious.

1:12:34 Adam Well, okay. But why would you say, a friend of mine told me, am I allowed to say the guy's name?

1:12:40 Drew Yeah. It doesn't make sense at all.

1:12:41 Adam Yeah. Like if we went, oh, Christ, that was Paul. But maybe... But he's good people.

1:12:45 Drew I'm just wondering if what he said would somehow make sense. All right.

1:12:48 Adam Well, let's find out. John, why did you want to say the guy's name?

1:12:53 Caller Well, I don't want to say him all the time.

1:12:57 Adam You say your friend.

1:12:58 Caller There's been other people I've had, but this is the one person I've been talking to all the time. All right. He's my ex-lover.

1:13:05 Adam All right. That's your friend. We'll just call him your friend.

1:13:08 Caller Okay, my friend.

1:13:09 Adam Okay.

1:13:10 Drew What's the question about your friend?

1:13:12 Caller He tells me that it's like you guys were explaining before, that it's on a woman. They can't take it as deep as a man can.

1:13:23 Drew Well, that ends.

1:13:25 Caller Thank you, John.

1:13:26 Adam Hold on, Drew, where's your scratch pad? Yeah, didn't we just get into that?

1:13:31 Caller Yeah, that's what I'm saying. And I don't understand. She says it hurts her every time I go inside of her.

1:13:37 Drew That's right.

1:13:37 Caller Hey, hold on. I'm not sure if I should go back to my friend or if I should stay with her.

1:13:42 Drew Is this your girlfriend?

1:13:43 Caller Yes.

1:13:44 Adam I thought this was his wife.

1:13:46 Caller No, no.

1:13:46 Adam Oh, girlfriend. Okay, John, let's put your penis aside for a second.

1:13:51 Caller Okay.

1:13:52 Adam As difficult as that is with the size that it is.

1:13:54 Caller It's not that difficult.

1:13:55 Adam Let's talk about you for a second. Are you doing any drugs?

1:14:00 Caller No.

1:14:01 Adam No.

1:14:02 Drew You got a job?

1:14:03 Caller Excuse me?

1:14:03 Drew What do you do for work?

1:14:05 Caller I work on the highway.

1:14:07 Adam I see.

1:14:07 Drew What does that mean?

1:14:08 Adam I work on raping young men. No. You work?

1:14:13 Caller I work on bridges and road crews.

1:14:16 Adam Oh, wait a minute. This is not a gay man. He does not sound gay. He works on bridges. What's up? What happened? What are we missing?

1:14:27 Caller What do you mean, what are we missing?

1:14:28 Adam What happened with you growing up?

1:14:31 Caller I don't know. I have no idea. I was never raped, never molested, nothing. I have no idea. I always had this thing for men.

1:14:40 Adam But why are you with a woman now?

1:14:42 Caller Because she, if it's any different.

1:14:44 Adam And is it?

1:14:49 Caller No, it's not.

1:14:50 Adam You still like men, right?

1:14:54 Caller Yes.

1:14:54 Adam And you're not like, the guys you work with don't know you're gay?

1:14:57 Caller No, they don't.

1:14:58 Adam Because you don't have any of that affect?

1:15:01 Caller No.

1:15:02 Adam You don't seem gay.

1:15:03 Caller No.

1:15:03 Adam This is true gay.

1:15:05 Caller Yeah.

1:15:05 Adam Born gay, the life is to live gay. This is born gay. I appreciate that. No, because if you think about all the guys with all the affect, all the guys that just make the guys you want to throttle because they're gay on top of gay with some gay sprinkled on top of it, that's all because they got effed with and now it's gay for the world and it's hostile gay and it's gay that we have to know but this John, he's born gay. It doesn't affect other parts of his life.

1:15:39 Caller Yeah. No, it doesn't.

1:15:40 Adam He's just gay though.

1:15:41 Caller And there's not too many people out there when I work, they know I'm gay.

1:15:44 Adam No, you know, he's gay to the bone, inside his bone, not marrow, semen, another man's semen in it. Well, first off, forget about women if you're gay. I mean, you know, if you're going to be gay, be gay. I think you got to stick with men and you don't have to worry about hurting them because they got a bottomless salad bowl.

1:16:06 Caller It's like a bottomless pit.

1:16:07 Adam Right. But still, doesn't it hurt him, that huge penis of yours?

1:16:13 Caller I've only found one person and it doesn't seem to bother him.

1:16:19 Drew So he's your boyfriend?

1:16:20 Caller Yeah.

1:16:21 Adam Are you still boyfriend with him, boyfriend and boyfriend?

1:16:24 Caller I haven't slept with him in a while.

1:16:27 Adam Okay. Well, maybe you're done with the female relationship you're in.

1:16:31 Caller Yeah.

1:16:31 Adam Does she know about this?

1:16:33 Caller No.

1:16:34 Drew She doesn't know you were gay?

1:16:35 Caller She knows. He comes over all the time.

1:16:37 Adam Right. Has no idea.

1:16:39 Drew Does he wear it out by the fact that you have a girlfriend?

1:16:42 Caller Excuse me?

1:16:42 Drew Does he freaked out by the fact that you have a girlfriend?

1:16:45 Caller He knows that I wanted to try it.

1:16:48 Adam Okay. Well, you tried it and maybe it didn't work.

1:16:51 Caller Yeah.

1:16:52 Adam I mean, is that what you think? Don't let me put words in your mouth.

1:16:57 Caller Yeah.

1:16:57 Adam Okay. Well, maybe it's not working out.

1:17:00 Caller No, I mean.

1:17:00 Adam Okay. You tried. It was like me in school. Hey, I gave it a shot in the sixth grade. It just didn't work out.

1:17:07 Drew This gentleman gave it a much more sincere shot than you gave at school.

1:17:12 Adam I don't know. I put in a pretty good couple of weeks there in the sixth grade. It just didn't work out.

1:17:17 Drew A couple of weeks, yeah.

1:17:18 Adam And so he's gay.

1:17:19 Drew Yeah. Yeah. You seem fascinated by this guy. Well, this is the gay man you've been looking for. Yeah. Yeah. This is the one.

1:17:26 Adam I don't know, though. He's pretty big.

1:17:28 Drew Yeah.

1:17:29 Adam Well, no. I like to start with a smaller penis and work my way up to that.

1:17:32 Drew You could get you these graduated...

1:17:35 Adam Oh, my God. Graduated butt plugs?

1:17:37 Drew Yeah.

1:17:38 Adam Okay.

1:17:38 Drew And, you know, this is the guy. This is the one that could do construction with you and hang.

1:17:44 Adam I just...

1:17:45 Drew He's a guy gay guy.

1:17:47 Adam He is a real gay.

1:17:48 Drew Yeah. Adam, this is it. I no wonder you're so intrigued by this guy.

1:17:51 Adam Not that pain in the ass guy who sounds like he's from France or England, but he's born in Vanna.

1:17:57 Drew This is the guy you've been looking for for so many years. Jimmy's got to watch out.

1:18:00 Adam Now, this makes me hate the affected gays more. Hey, Chris?

1:18:04 Yeah.

1:18:04 Adam You're 15. What's up?

1:18:06 Caller Yeah, I kind of... I recently have a new girlfriend, right?

1:18:11 Caller Yeah.

1:18:12 Caller She's 15 also. And I found out that she tried to kill herself recently. Well, not recently, but before I was with her.

1:18:23 Caller Right.

1:18:25 Caller Hey, there?

1:18:25 Drew Yeah, we're listening.

1:18:27 Caller And I don't know kind of like how to deal with it, how to like...

1:18:33 Adam Well, how long ago did she try to kill herself?

1:18:37 Caller I think last year. Okay.

1:18:41 Drew She's on medication?

1:18:43 Caller I don't think so.

1:18:44 Drew She's following with her doctors?

1:18:46 Caller She recently went with a psychiatrist.

1:18:49 Adam Ask him another question. Just ask him.

1:18:53 Drew Has she been depressed lately?

1:18:55 Adam Oh, he didn't do the um. I was banking on the um.

1:19:00 Caller Um?

1:19:01 Adam Um?

1:19:02 Caller Um? No, um, um, yes, he has been depressed.

1:19:08 Drew All right. Well, make sure she's seeing the people that are taking care of her. It's not your job to be caring for her.

1:19:14 Adam Are you having sex?

1:19:16 Caller No.

1:19:16 Drew Good. Your job is to, oh my god, not when she's depressed. That'll destabilize things more.

1:19:21 Caller The hard thing is when she was 13, when she went out to the sky, he was 20. And so they, they went out and then her mom broke him up and, and she was really depressed. They were in love. And so she's kind of like, um, I'm not, I'm not falling in love with you yet. I'm not going to tell you I love you until I really do. Cause then it'll, it'll hurt me if like we break up.

1:19:44 Caller So like, what would you suggest?

1:19:47 Caller Dr. John?

1:19:47 Drew I would suggest you take your time. You not be concerned with managing her psychiatric status. You make sure she gets the care she needs and that she's following up properly. And other than that, be a, be a caring boyfriend.

1:19:59 Adam I know this has come up before Drew. Um, um, but I just keep, it keeps coming back to my mind and I can't get my mind around it, which is we talk to these girls and all the hell they've been through.

1:20:14 Drew Yeah.

1:20:14 Adam All they've seen and how fast they mature, how quickly they become sexual. She's 13. She's in love with the 20 year old guy. She tried to commit suicide. Maybe some sexual abuse, maybe a little physical abuse. We don't know for sure. You know, there's maybe a little substance abuse and a dad that went AWOL. God knows when. Now she's hooked up with 15 year old Chris. Chris' life has existed basically. He's lived on Pac-Man and Nintendo and watching Dukes of Hazzard reruns. He likes giving his buddies wedgies.

1:20:53 Drew And collecting Pokemon. Now he's dealing with this.

1:20:59 Adam Now he's got this and he's lost and they're talking about love and they're talking about commitment. He doesn't even know where he is. I mean, you would rather have a chipmunk perform brain surgery on you than have this poor guy deal with this baggage known as his 15-year-old girlfriend.

1:21:16 Drew Well, just think about the fact that his penis just turned on too. He just became interested in all this about a year or so ago.

1:21:22 Adam He's horny, he's producing sperm, he's in love, and he's got a handful. You know what I mean? This is like you getting your learner's permit and somebody giving you a Ferrari Testarossa and a pair of pliers and saying, hey, good luck. You got to keep it up, it's all yours, just whatever. How long before the guy just wrapped it around the telephone pole?

1:21:48 Drew No time.

1:21:50 Adam Right. I mean, what do you do? What do you tell this guy? Don't do it.

1:21:56 Drew No, just don't get it.

1:21:59 Adam You know he's going with her.

1:22:00 Drew I know, but don't try to be.

1:22:02 Adam He goes, she's going to suck him in and then pull him into this crazy universe.

1:22:08 Drew I know.

1:22:09 Adam And he'll have no defense.

1:22:10 Drew Yeah, but think how many people go through relationships like that.

1:22:14 Adam Wouldn't it be easier for him to just get in the ring with Tyson?

1:22:16 Drew Oh yeah. Yeah, just get it over with.

1:22:19 Adam Right.

1:22:19 Drew Yeah.

1:22:20 Adam Okay. We'll take a little break.

1:22:21 Caller We'll be back.

1:22:30 Adam Hey everybody.

1:22:31 Caller It's Loveline.

1:22:33 Adam Engineer Anderson is going to find the Airplane Turbulence Public Service announcement. Because let me say something, everyone. I've got to be quite honest with you all. It's my job to take your calls and try to help you and do that every night.

1:22:50 Drew No, it's my job to help you.

1:22:51 Adam Oh yeah, that's right. It's Drew's job. It's part of my job. But I need to entertain myself as well. Otherwise, I won't be... You know, it's like you got to let your employee play a little hacky sack every once in a while in the hall so he can be more productive.

1:23:05 Drew In these creative environments where they put like basketball hoops in the middle of the office.

1:23:09 Adam Right.

1:23:09 Drew This is that for you.

1:23:10 Adam I need to go off on this Airplane Turbulence Public Service announcement, which we have not heard in what, two years? On this show?

1:23:19 Drew Oh, I've heard it in the background a number of times.

1:23:21 Adam Oh, I've just not caught it. I've been out.

1:23:23 Drew We've just not been listening.

1:23:24 Adam It's been around? Well, I caught it this time.

1:23:27 Drew How long has it been away? Anderson.

1:23:29 Adam Okay.

1:23:30 Drew All right.

1:23:30 Adam Leave Anderson alone.

1:23:31 Caller It was gone for like a year and a half.

1:23:32 Drew I just...

1:23:33 Adam Really? Yeah.

1:23:34 Drew I swear to God, I've heard it. I've heard it.

1:23:35 Adam No. It's been gone.

1:23:37 Drew When did it... Has there been a different one? A different Airplane Turbulence?

1:23:39 Caller I just brought it back like a month ago.

1:23:41 Drew A month ago.

1:23:42 Adam All right. Well, there you go. All right. Now, do you have it, Anderson? Because I would like to critique this for a second. Please, we're not going to help anyone.

1:23:49 Drew First of all, let's just guess how much money was spent developing this thing.

1:23:53 Adam I don't know. I don't care. But what they do...

1:23:56 Drew But your tax dollars go into crap like this.

1:23:58 Adam Right. Well, it doesn't matter whether it was a nickel or $5 million. It's too much. Here's the point.

1:24:06 Drew The scary thing is probably more than $5 million.

1:24:08 Adam No, it is not. To produce a public service announcement?

1:24:11 Drew And then do they pay to put them out?

1:24:13 Adam Well, the stations have to do it. They have to play a certain amount of these things. Here's the deal. In order to keep your FCC license, you have to play a certain amount of these public service announcements. These are things that are put together by different organizations in order to sort of better the community that the radio station serves. And that's great. They're talking about AIDS. And of course, you know, the only cure for AIDS is what?

1:24:37 Drew A cure?

1:24:37 Adam Yes.

1:24:38 Drew Don't get it.

1:24:39 Adam Don't get it. Not getting the AIDS, right. So there's that brilliant little aphorisms like that. But they come out with them, and some make sense. Now, I would like to just yell, hey, listen, all you, Mongoloids, stop breeding. That would be my PSA. And let's get that morning after pill going. But no, they want to talk about airplane turbulence, which, to my knowledge, is not a big social problem in this country. Drew, are you aware if anyone's ever been injured? And everyone, close your eyes. Here's what I'd like you to do.

1:25:07 Drew You know, when you go on planes, they usually don't give you any instruction about...

1:25:12 Adam Oh, no, no. I was on a flight just the other week where they mentioned something about a seatbelt. Drew, you're wrong.

1:25:18 Drew A what?

1:25:19 Adam See, it's called a seatbelt. Yeah, she talked into that thing that, with the speakers in the cabin. PA system. She said something about a seatbelt.

1:25:27 Drew Seatbelt?

1:25:28 Adam It's this thing that, you know what you have in your car? Or it goes around your lap? Oh, oh, oh, oh. They got that in airplanes, still.

1:25:34 Drew But then you shut the door, it goes across.

1:25:35 Adam That's right. They don't talk about it much. Probably only between 750 and 800 goddamn times when you get on an airplane. So they come out with PSAs like the following. Anderson?

1:25:49 What a tough thing your body is.

1:25:51 Adam Anderson, can you stop this?

1:25:52 Caller It's built to withstand bent.

1:25:53 Adam Can we go back and forth with this? I really like to break this thing down. Can we start from the top here? All right, I'll tell you when to hold it. All right.

1:26:01 Caller What a tough thing your body is.

1:26:03 Caller All right.

1:26:04 Caller It's built to withstand bending.

1:26:06 Caller Right.

1:26:06 Caller Pinching. Tattooing. Swimming.

1:26:11 Caller Bumping.

1:26:12 Caller Tickling. Shaving.

1:26:16 Adam They changed it.

1:26:17 Caller Yeah, it's a different one.

1:26:19 Caller Childbirth.

1:26:22 Drew There we go.

1:26:23 Caller Football.

1:26:25 Caller Cooking. Rollerblading.

1:26:28 Adam Rollerblading.

1:26:31 Caller Even company meetings.

1:26:34 Caller All right.

1:26:35 Caller But there's something the human body isn't built to withstand. Unexpected turbulence.

1:26:41 Adam All right. Now, stop it there. Stop it there. Now, let me just shoot a hole in this PSA premise, which is, and I would like to talk to the that make this thing, because I guarantee there are more injuries in football. Pop Warner High School, College, Junior College, and at the pro level. I guarantee that there are 1000 injuries for every one injury caused by airplane turbulence in just football.

1:27:10 Caller So you bring up the goddamn thing that causes more injuries than the thing you're going to warn us about. In your example, how about rollerblading? What kind of son of tarred are you?

1:27:24 Adam I guarantee that if you combine football and rollerblading, it would dwarf the amount of injuries that happened during airplane turbulence.

1:27:33 Caller Infantessible. Infantessible. Why is that in your example? Why? Why in your example? Why put two things?

1:27:44 Drew Why not just put motor vehicle accidents? You're meant to withstand motor vehicle accidents, or auto versus pedestrian.

1:27:50 Adam Why not cancer?

1:27:52 Drew Cancer.

1:27:52 Adam Why not just put the goddamn cancer in there or heart disease, everybody? Okay, so now everyone close your eyes and think about anyone you've ever known has been injured via airplane turbulence. Okay, now I'm going to expand that. Anybody you've heard of, any celebrity, any dignitary, any public figure, any, ah, here's a good example, pro athletes, Los Angeles Lakers flying back and forth to Philadelphia. Baseball teams play 85 games a year on the road, millions and millions and millions of miles logged every year by professional athletes. Is there ever heard of one of them who could not make the game because of turbulence?

1:28:35 Drew As opposed to the injuries they incur while playing the games, such as football.

1:28:39 Adam Yes, yes. Half of the Philadelphia 76ers are not playing in the series because of injuries, not because of airplane turbulence. And yes, get around playoff time in the football season, check the roster out.

1:28:54 Drew Should we hear the rest of this?

1:28:55 Adam See how many of them are related to airplane turbulence. But let's go ahead Anderson.

1:29:00 Caller Happily though, planes are built to withstand that really well. All you have to do is wear your safety belt the entire flight.

1:29:07 Caller Hold on, what is this new?

1:29:08 Drew They changed the name, I'm confused.

1:29:10 Caller Safety belt, what is this new innovation?

1:29:14 Adam How come it's never been brought out when I was on the airplane? I've never heard a tale of this.

1:29:18 Caller How would you use it?

1:29:19 Adam I'll tell you what, I spend my entire flight in a lotus position upside down on my seat drinking and I've never been told otherwise. Never had anybody, there's no goddamn light that come. What about that noise that the pilot kicks the thing on and off? The pilot said you can take your seatbelt off but go back to your seat, go where we're landing.

1:29:40 Drew Does he have to explain to them what to do? He must. Safety belt.

1:29:44 Adam Keep going, Anderson. This is where your taxpayer dollars are going, everybody.

1:29:48 Caller So next time you fly, stay buckled up the whole time because after all, turbulence happens and you're just not built for it. This message is a public service of this state.

1:29:59 Adam Now, everyone knows that being jostled in a padded seat is far worse than being blindsided by 270-pound linebackers blitzing or running into a lamp post when you're rollerblading. Of course, that is the worst goddamn PSA I've ever heard in my life. And the only thing worse than that is the 50,000 people that die every year from second-hand smoke. I would like to get those two people who constructed those PSAs to get together and have a class action lawsuit against them on behalf of radio stations and their consumers.

1:30:29 Drew We could be spending more time on airport laptop computer theft after all.

1:30:33 Adam That is the other PSA that drives me through the effing roof. Please, I don't know who these groups are. Is there some lobby group for turbulence? What is going on? Is that the biggest fish we have to fry in this country? Airplane turbulence? We got junkies, we got school shootings, we got unemployment, we got domestic abuse. That's all we can talk about. And laptop theft at the airport with McGruff. Oh, wait till I'm in charge. Wait till I'm in charge. Okay, I'm going to pee.

1:31:07 Drew Me too. We'll be back.

1:31:09 Caller Hello, this is your radio. Loveline will be right back. Love Line?

1:31:22 Drew Hey, for those of you that are interested in Dr. Bruce and the tattoo removal and the skin rejuvenation, and the wrinkle removal system, these guys, it's 888-340-779-0. Good time. 888-340-779-0. He's LA based. For those of you around the country, this is Los Angeles, no hurts. 888-340-779-0.

1:31:43 Adam Let me get another fart.

1:31:44 Drew 888-340-779-0. That stinks too.

1:31:49 Adam That's psychosomatic.

1:31:51 Drew Oh, no.

1:31:52 Caller No. You heard the sound and you're reacting.

1:31:59 Adam That's placebo fart. You're a doctor. All right, so until next time, cult tomorrow night, everyone. This is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Born gay. The life is to live gay.

1:32:13 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, June 11, 2001