Episode 1000754886875

1:01 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

2:19 No, it was longer than that. Come on, fellas.

2:21 Adam It's been a year?

2:22 It's been probably a year.

2:26 Unwritten Law Seems like light years to me. I don't know.

2:28 Drew All right.

2:29 Adam All right.

2:30 Drew We accept.

2:32 Adam Is there a band? Is there another band called like Unwritten Lawn or something that may work? Unmode Lawn.

2:37 Unwritten Law Unwritten Logger.

2:39 Adam Unwritten Lawn wouldn't be a bad garage band. Anyway, Unwritten Law has got a new CD that is coming out on the 29th, which is in what, a week?

2:49 Correct. Right?

2:50 Adam Right at a week?

2:51 Unwritten Law Absolutely.

2:52 Adam And it's called Elva and they'll, what the hell does that mean, Elva?

2:57 Unwritten Law Eternal Love Vertically Ascending. Exactly.

3:00 Adam Oh, it's one of the macronyms. Nice.

3:04 Unwritten Law Put that in your toast. Yeah.

3:05 Adam They're going to be at the Palladium with Sum 41, who I know was in here not too long ago.

3:11 Unwritten Law Yes.

3:11 Adam Okay. Thanks, Drew. And that is tomorrow at the Palladium. There's no tickets available for that.

3:19 It sold out.

3:20 Adam That's what we would think, yeah. But it's cool to mention that it was sold out anyway. And they'll be doing an in-store in San Diego on the 25th at Tower Records, which is like on next Saturday. Or was that Saturday? Tell us the date.

3:37 Unwritten Law I don't know.

3:38 Adam Okay.

3:38 Drew 24th?

3:39 Adam The 25th, Drew.

3:40 Drew The 25th, Friday.

3:41 Adam Friday. You're like a calculator. You got like an abacus up your a**, Drew. It's amazing. And he's reading a dictionary while he's spinning out this information. And all kinds of tour dates. You guys going to Europe or did you just get back or? What's going on with that?

3:59 Unwritten Law We just got back from Australia.

4:02 Adam How was that?

4:04 Unwritten Law It was all right. It was great. It was really good.

4:07 Adam A lot of the bands we talked to aren't too... They're not traveling like old couples, like an old gay couple who wants to travel. They're traveling like because they have to travel and they complain a lot about the food and stuff. Is that you guys?

4:22 Unwritten Law That's us.

4:22 Unwritten Law No, not at all. We love to travel. Wherever our fans are, we will be there for them because they're there for us.

4:30 Adam How much different are the Australian fans than the European fans?

4:35 Unwritten Law Well, from the beginning, since we started going to Australia, it became like a real cult following because they don't get too many American bands there or any outside bands, so they really pay attention. They're really involved with the bands that come there.

4:48 Adam Right.

4:48 Unwritten Law So every time we go there, they're like there to see us off after the show, and they're just really into it. It's like a real, it's a rad love thing.

4:56 Adam Yeah, I guess they appreciate you going all the way out there.

4:59 Unwritten Law And it's right back at them. So it's a good feeling inside. Big time.

5:02 Adam You know, being in a band, it's like being in the military, except for you get to do drugs and bang hookers. Well, I guess you get to do that in the military. But what I mean is you're getting laid. You know, you got all that travel.

5:14 Drew Right. Right.

5:15 Adam I mean, listen, you guys are like, what, 14, 15 years old, right? How old is it? What's the average age of the band?

5:22 Unwritten Law 28.

5:23 Adam 28. Okay. I'm 37. I've never been anywhere because I'm not in the military and I'm not in a band.

5:29 Drew What happens to the guys if they've been in a successful band? Where do they go? They just roll over and die?

5:33 Adam Yeah.

5:34 Unwritten Law Either that or they keep continuing to make sense.

5:37 Drew No, you know what I mean? Where do you go from there?

5:40 Adam You're tired. You want to stay home. You want peace and quiet.

5:43 Unwritten Law You become a normal human being, I believe.

5:45 Adam You want some land in Montana and you start raising emus.

5:49 Unwritten Law You come back from Mars to Earth.

5:51 Unwritten Law Go hunting and bass fishing.

5:53 Unwritten Law Fishing and bass hunting.

5:54 Adam Telling everybody, it's like beef but half the fat. Everyone goes, yeah, all right, give me the steak anyway. Get away with that emu. They can use the eyes. All right, so we're going to hear something from Unwritten Law's newest CD. We'll probably hear a couple of things before the night is through. And I'll also give you some tour dates, some places where you can find the band. And is that going to be with Sum 41? A lot of these dates or?

6:21 Unwritten Law Some of them are. Then we're going to start doing our own headline tour because we believe it's time for that. Our fans want to see us in full production and full mode instead of full torque, buddy.

6:35 Adam Well, that's a good question. I mean, the difference between headlining and opening is not only time but production too, right?

6:45 Unwritten Law Very much. That's what we're learning at this time. You know, we've been opening and touring with other bands for like eight years now. And we're really into our art now. And our art has a lot to do with the promotion of the show, lots to do with the lights. It has to do with a lot of the backdrop and the emotion in each song. And when you're in an opening band, you really don't get that because it's the headlining band that always wants to blow away the whole show.

7:09 Adam Well, do they have rules? I mean, other than you can't take up a bunch of time.

7:15 There's always rules going on.

7:16 Unwritten Law The headlining band's on, torque up the PA, put the lights on, you know.

7:20 Unwritten Law Give us a couple more DBs, come on.

7:22 Unwritten Law But it is kind of fun being the opening band and then blowing away the headliner band that has all that production.

7:27 Adam Well, you always hear those stories throughout the 70s, like Grandfunk Railroad blowing away Led Zeppelin in 1972. Right.

7:38 Unwritten Law Jethro Tull doing that, too. My uncle has some stories about that, my drunkle.

7:45 Adam But the thing is, I guess if I was a band, I wouldn't want the opening guys coming in and blowing the place up before I got on stage.

7:55 Unwritten Law Yeah, but in the name of music, it's good to have a good rock show. The kids need it.

7:59 Adam All right, all right. So let's take some calls. Start off with Catherine who's 30. Catherine?

8:08 Hello, how are you?

8:09 Adam Good.

8:10 So basically my question is about genital warps. I was diagnosed with it about seven years ago.

8:17 Drew You're how old now?

8:18 Excuse me?

8:19 Drew How old are you now?

8:20 Thirty.

8:20 Drew Thirty. All right.

8:22 I've seen about five different doctors, all with different specialties. I've had every treatment under the sun, from acid treatments, to leaks, to the Aldara twice. And the problem is that it still kind of hurts in the same place. I've been told recently by my doctor there's nothing there. Although the last time she said that, I tried the Aldara just to make sure and the symptoms showed up again. So I did another course of it.

8:50 Drew Well, this kind of, warts don't hurt. Warts have no feeling.

8:55 Adam Wade, you'd make a great doctor, by the way. Wade's laughing his ass off over here.

9:01 Unwritten Law Well, as long as you're not trying to pop on the nerve.

9:03 Drew Warts don't pop.

9:04 By the way, let me tell you why they hurt. Why, well, in my experience, I'm not hurt, but in my experience, at the vaginal opening, it's incredibly painful. So all these doctors have diagnosed me with warts, one, two doctors diagnosed me with vaginitis, which is how they explain the pain.

9:22 Drew Vaginitis or vaginismus?

9:25 I thought it was vaginitis, but perhaps I'm wrong.

9:28 Drew But warts do not hurt. They just don't.

9:30 Adam Hey, hold on. Drew, when you see someone like Catherine coming in for the third time in the same week, you're like, oh, Christ, this crazy bitch.

9:38 Well, there's two ways.

9:42 Adam She went to five doctors. They all kind of told her.

9:45 They keep telling her stuff that she doesn't want to hear.

9:47 Drew One is either.

9:48 Adam Would you settle? What did you guys do? Get high before you came in?

9:52 Right.

9:55 Did I offend you?

9:58 Drew Out of these guys. All right, go ahead. That either she is not satisfied and is hell bent on coming back five million times with spurious symptoms, or she's having pain and everyone's so focused on this war thing that they've missed the fact that she has some other cause of pain and that it needs to be taken seriously and really evaluated carefully for why she'd have vaginal pain.

10:22 Adam Maybe it's a little more oriented in the mind than the vagina.

10:26 Drew In the former situation, yes, the brain takes pressure over the vagina. This is the greatest audience we ever had.

10:33 Adam Mike?

10:34 Unwritten Law I love you guys.

10:34 Adam Oh, wait a minute. We don't want to talk to Mike. We want to talk to warts, right. I got warts.

10:39 Unwritten Law Warts don't hurt.

10:41 Drew It's coming.

10:41 Adam It's not going to slow me down. What's that, Katharine? I got a life ahead of me. I got a whole lot of life around the world.

10:47 Drew What's that?

10:48 I acknowledge that part of it could be emotional. I believe that part of it is physical, but I'm open to a lot of it being emotional. That of mine is now that after all these years, and my husband is very patient, I have no sex drive at all. Whether that's caused by physical or that's caused by emotional, I don't know, but I know that I'm being pretty serious.

11:12 Drew Here's what I can promise you. That has nothing to do with the warts. Wart is something that sits on top of your skin. It's a virus that doesn't get through your skin.

11:22 Adam What if one broke off and got caught in her libido?

11:26 Drew Her libido?

11:26 Adam Yeah, like clogged it.

11:27 Drew Like she had a wart embolus?

11:30 I'm not flipping about this.

11:32 Adam All right. Well, let me ask you a couple of questions. You ever had any serious problems? You know, with the lads? Any reason why you'd not want to be open sexually?

11:42 No sexual abuse.

11:44 Adam No any kind of abuse?

11:45 Drew No rape or anything? Or physical abuse?

11:46 No physical or sexual abuse at all.

11:49 Adam And why do you think you, and you just shut down, do you love your husband?

11:54 Absolutely.

11:55 Adam How about oral sex? Do you give him some of that?

12:00 Drew Are you on medication?

12:02 For the warts?

12:03 Drew Any kind of medication?

12:05 No, just the pills.

12:06 Adam Why not some oral sex for him? Take the edge off.

12:09 Well, you're right. It's just that it's sort of...

12:13 Adam These guys are great. Sorry, I know. You pick quite a night.

12:18 Drew It's like having the hyenas in the studio.

12:21 Unwritten Law Oh, geez.

12:23 Adam No, usually I sit here, it's like Easter Island when I look across at the audience and Ann and Anderson. Just stone, tiki gods.

12:33 Right.

12:34 Adam Yeah, but this is great.

12:37 Unwritten Law Oh, life's great.

12:38 Adam Well, it is good.

12:39 Drew One of the... Let's see what pill she's on.

12:41 Adam Oh, please, really?

12:43 Drew Come on, come on. These guys love it. What's her? Let's hit the doc.

12:47 Yeah.

12:47 Drew What birth control pill you're taking?

12:49 Ortho Tri-Cycline.

12:50 Drew Is that a new pill for you?

12:52 No.

12:52 Drew Is it possible you're having a side effect from that? Were that shutting you down?

12:56 Well, I used to be on tri-fasel before that, and I have the same effect. And I've been off the pill for about a year, not right now, but in the past, and it didn't increase.

13:06 Drew Didn't change.

13:07 Okay.

13:07 Drew No.

13:09 So I'm sure that my sex drive is... My theory is that I was in a lot of pain. I didn't want to have sex. Now, I'm not in as much pain, but emotionally, I'm just not there.

13:19 Adam Yeah, but why? Why? How does that work?

13:21 Drew Listen, Adam, you could have seared Adam's penis with some sort of...

13:25 Adam Branding iron.

13:26 Drew Branding iron, and he'd be right back at it the next day.

13:29 Adam Well, first off, what is it with you broads they have to be emotionally there? You don't have to emotionally be there. You just have to physically show up.

13:36 I agree, and there's no physical manifestation of my libido.

13:40 Adam But here's what I'm saying. You love your husband. He's a great guy, he's been very patient, right?

13:46 Yes.

13:46 Adam Can't you just lick yourself up and hold still and let him get on you? I mean, what's the wrong with that?

13:53 Of course, but that's not ideal.

13:56 Adam I know, it's good.

13:56 Ideal is for me to get over my emotional whatever.

13:59 Adam I know, but in the meantime.

14:00 Drew In the meantime, he's suffering pretty substantially.

14:03 Unwritten Law You're giving him emotional breakdown now.

14:06 Adam Right.

14:06 Well, and I agree with you, and so we do do that, but my view is that I want to solve the problem.

14:12 Drew Well, then you want to see someone.

14:13 Adam Yes. Go to the shrink.

14:15 Unwritten Law Take one night and just give him a good one. Just go for it.

14:18 Drew No, you need to see a psychiatrist.

14:20 Adam Look, I want to say this to the ladies. You'll not offend a man if you say, look, I'm not really into this. I got to be straight up with you, but I'm going to give you a maintenance BJ. So if you want to turn the TV on or whatever, you don't have to take your shirt off. Leave your boots on. Just unbutton the pants. Let's just take care of a little business here. You're not going to offend a guy. He's not going to be hurt because you're not emotionally into it.

14:45 Unwritten Law Do you know what I'm saying?

14:48 Drew The lick sound?

14:49 Adam Anderson, give it a little lick sound.

14:50 Come on.

14:52 Adam Pay attention there, Anderson.

14:58 Unwritten Law That's a great.

15:00 Adam Everett?

15:02 Drew Oh my God, they're so high.

15:04 Is that for real?

15:07 Adam It's a real fake sound.

15:08 Drew There's a guy backstage here. Yes, there we go.

15:11 Unwritten Law This is real, too.

15:12 Drew Everett.

15:14 Adam What ever, dude. Everett?

15:19 Drew Everett is 24.

15:22 Unwritten Law All right, Everett. Way to go, dog.

15:24 Drew Everett?

15:24 Yeah, you ready?

15:25 Drew Yeah, ready.

15:26 Okay. Majorly since I was 19. After I masturbated, I've been having heart pain and my eyelids are closed and so my eyes won't focus and I can't read because of it, right?

15:44 Adam No.

15:44 And I may vomit.

15:45 Adam No, no.

15:46 Unwritten Law Are you masturbating right now because you sound kind of like it?

15:49 Adam Yeah.

15:49 No, I'm not. Okay.

15:51 Adam Well, this is either bogus or you have some sort of mental disorder. So, you should hope it's bogus, by the way.

15:58 I've seen a psychiatrist.

15:59 Adam Oh, good, good.

16:01 And an MD and a rheumatologist. You're insane.

16:06 Adam Right?

16:07 Unwritten Law Okay.

16:08 They say we haven't heard of stuff like this. So, if you can give us the diagnosis of what it may be, we can investigate it further. But otherwise, they say they don't know.

16:20 Drew Why do you see a rheumatologist?

16:22 What?

16:23 Drew Why do you see a rheumatologist? Why do you see a rheumatologist?

16:27 Unwritten Law You're insane.

16:28 I don't know. Psychiatrist thought I should see it maybe.

16:31 Drew Why? Oh, Everett. All right.

16:35 Because I was like vomiting and I thought maybe it was because it might have been my...

16:42 Adam Oh my God. Hold on a second.

16:45 Drew Attention screeners. People must be able to communicate in English.

16:49 Adam Hey, David.

16:49 Unwritten Law I think he was just getting it on as he was speaking.

16:52 Unwritten Law No, no.

16:52 Drew He's very...

16:53 Unwritten Law He seems sleepy.

16:54 Adam Is this guy unable to form a sentence? Oh, okay. What's up there, Tara? Tara? Whatever. Jesus Christ. What is up? Whatever.

17:05 Yeah. What's going on here?

17:06 Adam You're offended?

17:07 Two for two.

17:08 Adam I don't care. What's up with this guy? You know what I love about this show? If one of our phone screeners is pissed off at us, they think we care. We don't care. Are you kidding me? We're the stars. Jesus Christ. You think I care? Please. I can't go to bed tonight. I called Tara Tara. Holy Christ. Now, don't let people that can't speak on the air.

17:38 Drew Poor Everett, though, has got some serious stuff.

17:40 Adam You think so?

17:41 Drew Yeah.

17:42 Adam You don't think it's bogus?

17:44 Drew Oh, no.

17:44 Adam Too much specific with the rheumatology?

17:46 Drew Too specific and too truly disorganized. It was not bogus answers. It was unable to form.

17:50 Adam Well, let's say something nice to them so we don't go to hell.

17:53 Drew I'm ready.

17:54 Adam All right.

17:55 Unwritten Law We love you, but we just don't understand.

17:57 Drew Everett, Everett, Everett, why do you associate any of this with masturbation?

18:02 It used to happen immediately afterwards.

18:04 Drew I understand, but you have lots of physical problems, right?

18:11 Well, I noticed when I walked faster, my eyelids would close completely. Both of them.

18:16 Drew But you go to doctors because you got a lot of different problems.

18:19 Adam I'm going to answer for it, Everett.

18:20 Drew Okay.

18:21 Adam Yes.

18:22 I used to have a few things that would help, and then they stopped working on me.

18:24 Drew And you're on some medication now. Yes. And the psychiatrist has sent you around to medical doctors to make sure there isn't a medical problem contributing to this. But people keep coming up with snake eyes and telling you that's probably just the psychiatric condition.

18:38 Adam Yes, although I don't know what the snake eye reference means. That's everything. I know.

18:42 Drew Okay.

18:43 Adam See what I'm saying?

18:43 Drew Yes.

18:44 I used to take caffeine pills and that would help. You're insane.

18:46 Drew Yeah. No, that won't help, Everett. But you just keep following the direction of the guys that are taking care of you. And if things are bothering you, document them, go back, have an internist look you over. But it doesn't, it sounds like they've been doing that. It doesn't sound like they're coming up with anything.

19:00 Adam All right, Everett. Take care of yourself. Are you able to work?

19:04 No.

19:05 Adam No. All right. Anything else? You got any girlfriends?

19:09 No, I'm not. I think it's more safer not to mess around.

19:13 Adam Right. Very smart. It's true. They'll break your heart. They'll give you syphilis, steal your wallet, crash your van. That's for sure. Brody on your lawn, bang your best friend, urinate in your hamper. It's all trouble. Steal your booze.

19:26 Unwritten Law Fart in your mouth?

19:27 Adam Fart in your mouth.

19:28 Drew Fart in your mouth?

19:30 Adam It happened to me. And they held my nose, and it blew out an eardrum. And I crapped myself because of the extra pressure. And my system is forced to bow out. Couldn't open your eyes? Couldn't open my eyes. No. Yep. That's right. It's what those ladies will do. They'll break your heart, they'll steal your money, they'll drink your booze, take your dog, steal your car and fart in your mouth and laugh.

19:52 Unwritten Law Bass fishing.

19:53 Unwritten Law Country gravy.

19:54 Adam That's right.

19:56 Woo.

19:56 Adam All right. Let's keep on rolling there. Take care of yourself there, Everett. Mike?

20:00 Yeah.

20:01 Adam You're 15?

20:02 Caller Yeah.

20:03 Adam What's up there?

20:04 Caller I haven't smoked weed in about two and a half months and I'm still dirty.

20:08 Drew Your urine?

20:09 Caller Excuse me?

20:10 Drew Your urine is still showing weed.

20:13 Caller Yeah. Well, I bought probation-style tests from a friend of mine.

20:17 Drew I'm just clarifying that you're not actually a filthy person. Your urine is still...

20:22 Adam We're all involved in the penal system. We're all probation officers here. We're all in the limbo.

20:27 Caller Yeah. There's still THC in my system.

20:31 Drew In the urine?

20:32 Caller Yeah.

20:32 Drew All right. You must have been smoking a big time.

20:35 Caller No. Actually, I've only smoked in my life about five or six times.

20:38 Drew No. No way.

20:39 Caller Yeah.

20:40 Drew Something's wrong with this test. No.

20:42 Caller All of them do that.

20:44 Adam And you've quit for what? You've quit for how long?

20:47 Drew Two and a half months.

20:48 Caller About two and a half months.

20:49 Adam And why are you testing yourself if you didn't have a problem?

20:52 Caller Because I'm getting on probation in about a week.

20:54 Adam Why?

20:55 Caller Because I got caught driving without a license.

20:58 Adam And are they going to do drug tests?

21:00 Caller Yeah.

21:01 Drew No way. It defies any physiology I know of. I never want to say impossible, but I've seen urine, THC show up in the urine a couple months down the road in a, you know, a 10-year, you know, ounce a week smoker.

21:18 Adam Yeah.

21:18 Drew And that's after he fasted and ran a marathon. In other words, he's released from the fat after you lose some weight or exercise vigorously.

21:25 Adam Right. All right. So Mike? Now, don't worry about it.

21:28 Drew There's just no way. Something's wrong with the way you're doing the test.

21:31 Unwritten Law If I could give you a helpful hint, there's a stuff called natural mystic in a system, but you'll feel it for a couple days.

21:38 Drew What is this now?

21:39 Unwritten Law It's called natural mystic. It's just like some stuff you get out of headshot. It tries to clear. I used it a while ago.

21:44 Drew The problem is we test for all those things, and if there's any evidence of you trying to adulterate your urine, it's considered positive.

21:50 Unwritten Law Exactly.

21:51 Drew So he's worse off having any of that stuff show up in his urine, than just going in and having his P test.

21:57 Unwritten Law Where are you getting his testing?

21:58 Drew There's no way he's got it.

21:59 Unwritten Law Where is he getting his testing? I stand corrected.

22:02 Drew But I'm interested in this stuff you're talking about.

22:03 Adam He says he got it from a friend of his, the test.

22:07 Drew The probation test?

22:08 Adam Mike?

22:10 Unwritten Law Where are you taking these tests at? In my house. Are you sure it's not like a pregnancy test? You got the right test going?

22:17 Drew Or his friend is trying to freak him out. You know, somehow. One of the friends somehow adulterated it in some way.

22:23 Adam I don't know. What do you do? Do you pee on a stick?

22:26 Caller Yeah. It's just like a little stick that you pull a little slide down and you pee on it and you pull it back up.

22:33 Adam If it's white, you're clean. If it's green, you're stoned.

22:37 Drew Here's the good news. They're not going to do the test that way. They're going to quantify it.

22:40 Unwritten Law Sounds pretty bizarre, bud.

22:43 Adam Mike, the oldest sounding, most miserable 15-year-old we've spoken to in a long time.

22:50 Unwritten Law We're on a run here. Let's keep it going.

22:52 Adam Yeah, I got busted. I was driving without a license. With a couple of prostitutes. I had to take a urine test. Buddy of mine works for the penal system, so I scored a couple. It's like, you're 15.

23:05 Unwritten Law Suck it up, kid. You'll be all right.

23:06 Drew Jesus Christ. Who is he not aware of for the penal system? 15?

23:10 Adam Buddy of mine's, he's the world's youngest probation officer. He's 13. He's dealing with a lot of cons. Anyway, we were drinking some six-packs at the park. We're talking about them. We're both pretty bummed out because my kid's got, you know, his tea thinks he can keep me up all night. You're 15, buddy. Prostate's acting up. You know how it is.

23:29 Drew Speaking of that.

23:30 Adam What? You got to take a leak?

23:31 Drew I got to pee.

23:32 Adam Unwritten Law is here tonight. We got to take ourselves a little leak break. We'll come back. We'll hear something off the new CD after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Drew. Wade and PK are both here from Unwritten Law.

24:18 Unwritten Law It's cold outside.

24:20 Adam Elva is the name of the new CD, which is going to be out on the 29th of January, and also the San Diego Signing Party of Tower Records is going to be going down on the 25th. Okay. Why don't we take ourselves a call, and then we'll hear something off the new Unwritten Law CD. Perfect. Okay. Let's talk to Ray, who's 32. Ray?

24:45 Unwritten Law Yes, hi.

24:45 Adam What's up?

24:46 Unwritten Law Oh, not much.

24:47 Adam What's your question?

24:49 Unwritten Law My question is, I'm a 32-year-old man, and I'm a cis with, I mean, not that I can't get girls, I'm a cis with strippers, dancers, escorts. And I'm basically like you. I enjoy boobs and all that other stuff.

25:05 Drew Boobs and blowjobs, Adam, it's you.

25:07 Adam Yep. Oh, yeah. That's my motto. And, right?

25:11 Drew Right.

25:12 Adam So, poor Wade.

25:14 Drew Wade's going to have an aneurysm.

25:16 Unwritten Law I really, I don't find nothing wrong with that.

25:18 Adam No.

25:20 Unwritten Law Let's finish the problem here.

25:21 Adam Yeah. So, are you spending money on escorts?

25:24 Unwritten Law I've spent about a thousand a month.

25:26 Adam Wow. What do you do for a living?

25:28 Unwritten Law I help my dad. He owns his own business. He has a nursery and I help him deliver and wherever they need delivery.

25:35 Adam All right. So, you're not making a ton of money.

25:38 Drew A thousand a month is a serious bit of money.

25:40 Unwritten Law Well, my dad owns a business, so he pays me well, so I'll struggle.

25:44 Adam Well, what's he pay you? I mean, unless you're driving a truckload of sod over to the Johnson Ranch.

25:49 Drew Unless you just pull money out of the business whenever you feel like it.

25:51 Adam How much is he giving you?

25:55 Drew He just pulls money out whenever he wants.

25:56 Adam What do you get an hour? He's like, enough.

25:58 An hour?

26:00 Unwritten Law He's paying me about 10 bucks an hour.

26:04 Adam Chiching.

26:06 Unwritten Law Chiching, yeah.

26:06 Adam Yeah. You can retire in about 200 years. Hold on a sec. You know, I had to know because I love when guys go, yeah, I'm making pretty decent coin. 10 bucks an hour. The minimum wage is like 7.35. By the time taxes are taken out, I mean, 10 bucks an hour, a thousand bucks on a hooker.

26:27 Drew I don't believe what he makes. I believe he just pulls money out of the business where he feels like.

26:31 Unwritten Law Yeah. Spill the beans, buddy.

26:32 Unwritten Law Does daddy know what you're doing?

26:34 Unwritten Law Yeah.

26:34 Adam You mean like, oh, he's one of these dudes who's like.

26:37 Drew He just support it.

26:38 Adam He's hanging out. He's talking to dudes. He's like, hey, man, you need some bulbs or some fertilizer.

26:43 Drew Right.

26:44 Adam Yeah. I can get you a deal.

26:45 Drew Right.

26:46 Adam One of those guys, you know, those guys you run into trying to sell you plant goods, seeds, stuff like that.

26:50 Unwritten Law No, I'm not bogus. I own my own home.

26:53 Adam You own your own home?

26:54 Drew On 10 bucks an hour.

26:55 Unwritten Law Damn. Well, I'm 32, so I mean.

26:59 Adam Yeah, it's pretty good cash. 32, right?

27:02 Unwritten Law Oh, yeah. Well, it's $34,000 home, so I might be.

27:06 Adam Okay. Well, you're riding high. 10 bucks an hour.

27:10 Unwritten Law Where do you live?

27:10 Unwritten Law Victorville or something?

27:12 Unwritten Law No, here in San Juan, California.

27:13 Adam All right.

27:14 Unwritten Law And you want to stop this, right?

27:16 Unwritten Law Well, part of me does, part of me don't.

27:19 Drew Well, is it the you fit a pattern of sexual compulsion?

27:23 Unwritten Law Well, actually, I am. I mean, to me, it feels like it is, but...

27:26 Drew It is a sexual compulsion, and the consequences are really what usually bring people to terms with this. That and the fact that they tend to feel very ashamed of what they're doing, because oftentimes, these kinds of behaviors are very different from how you, say, Ray, present yourself to the world. You know, oftentimes, people would say, oh, yeah, you don't feel right about doing this.

27:45 Adam But it's tough when a $10 an hour man comes into a club and all the girls start talking. They see you pull up in that Bentley, wearing the fur coat, you know, the fedora hat, lightening your cigar, your Cuban with $100 bills. I mean, they know there's a $10 an hour guy on the floor. There's a buzz. There's a buzz around the place. It's palpable, Drew. You ever been there when a $10?

28:08 Drew No, I've never seen that.

28:08 Adam You've been there when $6 and $7 an hour dudes hit the floor. Even that's pretty good. But $10 an hour, the chicks are all over him. They want a piece of that action. I mean, it's like he's the candy man. What they want to do, and be careful Ray, because one of these chicks, what they want you to do is knock them up, then all of a sudden you have a kid, and the next thing you know, they're pulling in $65 a month child support. You know what I'm saying? I do have a kid. Oh, okay.

28:37 Drew All right, but Ray, listen, do you get what I'm saying? That this is something people often are very ashamed of. And sometimes that shame even fuels the desire to get away and sort of connect with these people in this very primitive way. It fuels it even more.

28:50 Adam Hey, Ray?

28:51 Drew Ray's not interested.

28:53 Adam Are you having sex with the Escorts?

28:56 Unwritten Law Escorts, strippers.

28:58 Adam How do you have sex with the strippers?

29:00 Unwritten Law Well, I'm basically...

29:03 Drew 10 Buck An Hour Man.

29:04 Unwritten Law There's the 10 bucks an hour throw down.

29:06 Unwritten Law Get them here and see what they do, what they don't do.

29:12 Adam I'll tell you, between that velvety tongue of his and that big bank account, and I can see where the ladies' campus is.

29:18 Unwritten Law You must be kidding.

29:19 Adam Well, what's going on over here? Listen, hold on a second, who's this guy? Tommy Lee? I mean, you go into a strip club, you don't get the 10 bucks an hour. I work for my dad's fertilizer shop. Yeah, I got an El Camino, the pasture side door's caved in. I got T-boned on the five, but you just crawl in through the driver's side and slide over, it's a bench seat. I got a kid at home, is he getting, what's going on here?

29:54 Drew Here's my question. What's his question?

29:56 Unwritten Law I don't know, but what the hell are we talking about?

30:00 Unwritten Law Come on, playboy.

30:01 Adam I can't believe this.

30:02 Drew Ray, what's your question? Let's just get to that.

30:03 Unwritten Law My question is, I just...

30:07 Drew Oh, no question.

30:08 Unwritten Law Well, I kind of went blank there.

30:10 Adam Oh, okay, then.

30:10 Unwritten Law You idiot!

30:13 Adam How about going to SA? SA?

30:16 Drew That would be the thing to do, if you're interested. But I haven't heard a question yet.

30:20 Adam He thinks he's addicted to sex.

30:22 Unwritten Law I'm addicted to sex. In other words, to dancers, strippers.

30:25 Drew Yes, you are.

30:25 Unwritten Law I mean, I spend a thousand a month.

30:27 Drew There's an organization called the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity. They have a website, ncsac.org, give you some referrals and some information, too.

30:38 Adam Do you have a computer?

30:40 Unwritten Law No, I don't. Oh, OK. I'll get it off my dad's hook.

30:43 Caller Yeah, I bet you will.

30:45 Unwritten Law That's where all the good porn's at, buddy.

30:47 Unwritten Law Of course.

30:48 Unwritten Law And the money.

30:48 Unwritten Law Look, look, I don't know no outcome. I have a Silverado.

30:53 Adam Oh, Silverado.

30:54 Unwritten Law 2001.

30:55 Drew Silverado.

30:55 Caller Oh, playboy.

30:57 Drew Playboy.

30:57 Adam No, Silverado is like a truck.

31:00 Unwritten Law Oh, exactly.

31:01 Drew Oh, I see.

31:02 Adam Sweet. All right, everybody, sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. With a different truck.

31:07 Caller But you did.

31:09 Drew Listen, that was the deal with Ray. Man child. That's why. He just quickly still.

31:15 Adam Man child. Man child. Man zygote.

31:17 Drew No, but he's not.

31:18 Adam He was no child.

31:19 Drew He's not even like, doesn't make a living. He doesn't make an hour anyway. He's just giving money by his dad. Just money, money, money, whatever he wants, probably.

31:24 Adam Yeah. Well, his dad probably thinks he's retarding.

31:27 Unwritten Law Oh, pops.

31:28 Adam Give him a couple hundred bucks, give him a client. Probably paying him with like monopoly money or something.

31:33 Unwritten Law Okay.

31:34 Unwritten Law Playboy.

31:34 Adam So he just waltzes into strip clubs and brings a stripper home every night?

31:39 Unwritten Law I don't think it's that easy to bring home a stripper.

31:42 Adam No, it is not. I mean, I have to drag him out.

31:44 Unwritten Law Come on, now that $10 an hour.

31:47 Adam I have to drag him out of that place kicking and screaming. They don't want to go.

31:50 Drew You have to time up.

31:51 Adam Nails dragging along the wood floors. I pull them out through the front door. It's always a scene.

31:56 Unwritten Law Caveman style.

31:57 Adam Yeah. I started doing the ether rag. It knocks them out, quiets them down. And you know what? They don't get hurt. Yeah. It's just for them. It's for their safety.

32:04 Unwritten Law They feel like, just come on.

32:05 Adam Their body goes limp. They drop right into the trunk. It's natural. No problems. Okay. We're going to hear something from Unwritten Law. Anderson, you're cued up there. Yep. This one's called Seeing Red. Yeah, thank you there, Anderson. What a pro. Excuse me, Ben turns the mic on.

36:05 Drew He's trying to have as little time as possible with your voice going out. It's good.

36:09 Adam Smart.

36:10 Drew Nice strategy.

36:10 Adam Unwritten Law is here tonight. We will take ourselves a little bit of a break, and then when we come back, who are we going to make fun of, Drew? Christopher. Christopher is 15, 5, 8, 140 pounds, has two boobs that get bigger every month. Wait, this a guy? Oh my God. Christopher? Yes. You got that gynochlamastia? Uh-huh.

36:35 Unwritten Law I don't know.

36:36 Adam All right, everybody.

36:37 Nice rack.

36:38 Adam Hold on a second now, right?

36:39 Unwritten Law Wait a minute.

36:41 Caller All right.

36:42 Adam We're going to take a little break.

36:44 All right.

36:45 Caller All right, Tony.

36:46 Adam All right. All right, Wade?

36:47 Drew Tony?

36:48 Caller Yeah. Tony. Corolla. Tony Corolla.

36:50 Drew Oh, Tony. You.

36:53 Adam Oh, Tony.

36:53 Drew Yeah.

36:54 Adam That's my name. Yeah. Wade, get ready now, buddy. Because there's going to be some laughter coming.

37:00 Unwritten Law I need it. Thank you, fans.

37:01 Adam We got a teenage boy with man boobs on him.

37:04 Caller Nice rack.

37:05 Drew I'm going to run down to the pharmacy and pick up a little haler for Wade while we're out of here.

37:10 Adam All right. We'll take a break. We'll be right back.

37:13 Caller Hello, this is your radio.

37:54 Caller What's up, this is Marcos. This is Sonny.

37:57 Adam This is Trey.

37:57 Caller And we're POD and you're listening to Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla on LoveLine.

38:03 Adam Yes, you is. Unwritten Law is our guest tonight. We have Wade and PK here from the band. Wade is finding his way back to the studio, but don't worry. He's at MIA. PK is still here. These guys are going to be at the Palladium tomorrow night with Sum 41, but don't worry, it's sold out. And what you can show up for if you're in the areas, the San Diego record signing at the Tower of Records on the 25th of January. That would be, what did we decide, Drew? Friday?

38:34 Drew Friday.

38:35 Adam And also on the 29th, next week is when the new CD-ELVA comes out. All right. So when we left off, we're talking to Christopher, 5'8, 140, 15 years old. Got them man boobs. Christopher?

38:49 Caller Yeah. All right. Yeah. I called about two weeks ago. You guys should remember, I told you guys about the Armadildo.

38:57 Adam Right.

38:57 Drew Armadildo.

38:58 Adam I remember that.

38:59 Drew Is this the Bajart guy?

39:01 Adam No.

39:02 Caller Yeah.

39:02 Adam Different guy.

39:02 Caller I made that up. I mean, not the Armadildo, that's awesome, but this part, the man boobs.

39:08 Adam All right.

39:09 Drew So you just called back to say hi again?

39:11 Caller No, I have a new idea. All right. See, this one's more useful than the Armadildo, okay?

39:19 Drew What did the Armadildo do?

39:20 Caller It didn't do anything, it's just the name.

39:22 Adam All right.

39:23 Unwritten Law What's an Armadildo?

39:24 Caller Do you want me to explain to them?

39:26 Drew No, sorry.

39:27 Adam It's a dildo, basically.

39:28 Unwritten Law Baby arm?

39:29 Adam Go ahead there, Christopher.

39:31 Caller All right. Well, anyway, this one, okay, have you guys ever been in public and need to scratch your balls like crazy?

39:39 Unwritten Law All the time.

39:39 Adam Every day.

39:40 And you can't.

39:41 Caller There's too many people.

39:42 Unwritten Law Right. You know? Yeah, sure.

39:44 Caller I found a solution. All right? It's kind of a it's underwear. All right? It has a built in massage that scratches your balls for you. Okay.

39:56 Unwritten Law Oh, are you high on crack cocaine? What the hell is wrong with you?

40:01 Drew I'm worried about humanity.

40:02 Unwritten Law Just scratch them.

40:04 Caller Listen, and you know what this called? It's called the stupendously smooth, super scrotum scratcher.

40:11 Adam Okay. Very funny, ha!

40:13 Unwritten Law Stupendously.

40:14 Unwritten Law Hey, buddy? I'm clever, clever.

40:15 Adam Buddy?

40:16 Unwritten Law Yes?

40:17 Adam I'm going to see you in junior college in about three and a half years, all right, pal?

40:21 Unwritten Law You're done.

40:23 Caller That's a good idea though, isn't it?

40:24 Adam No.

40:25 Drew No, Chris.

40:25 Adam This is zero. Zero intelligence.

40:27 Drew Do not speak publicly about any new ideas until you pass 18. Believe me, take my advice. You'll be a much happier, less shamed person if you do that.

40:35 Adam That's the lamest idea I've ever heard. And I love bad ideas.

40:40 Unwritten Law Hey, I'm still scratching my head over here. I don't know what the hell just happened.

40:43 Adam Well, he's got an invention for that. It's a ski beanie that massages your scalp. Idiots.

40:50 Drew These are the guys that think of like the electrical belts, the stimulatory abdomen, you know?

40:56 Adam Yeah. It's equivalent to doing 32,000 sit ups.

41:00 Drew Yeah. Equivalent. Same thing.

41:01 Adam Except for you're just watching TV.

41:02 Drew Right.

41:03 Unwritten Law How is that one creepy one with Linda Evans, Dynasty Lady with that mask?

41:07 Adam The hockey mask?

41:07 Unwritten Law Oh, my God. I didn't see this.

41:10 Drew What is it?

41:10 Adam Yeah. There's this one. I mean, this is...

41:12 Drew Is there an infomotion you haven't seen, Adam?

41:14 Adam No. Well, there's some that are in production that I haven't got. I haven't got the dailies on yet, but I got my people working on this.

41:20 Unwritten Law That one's straight wrong, though. Imagine waking up in the morning and you're like, hi, honey. You're like, ah.

41:26 Adam This thing massages your facial muscles and tightens them up and tones them. But the thing that's spooky about it is it looks like an old time hockey mask. And basically, you know what the mask looks like? You ever see that weird torso thing that you punch? They advertise it in some magazines and stuff. It's like this torso is shaped like half a man and you punch it and it keeps the count of the amount of punches you throw at it. It's got that weird sort of blank Westworld kind of face to it. And this thing's freaky.

41:59 Drew Freddy Krueger.

42:00 Adam Couldn't possibly work. And the other one, what is it, Drew, with, explain, because probably people see these ads. These things have been around for a million years. You strap on these stimulators, strap on your biceps and your abdomen and stuff, and they shoot these electrical pulses to your muscles and your muscles kind of jumps or jiggles a little bit. And these things, I've seen these things in magazines since like the 70s and they say it's equivalent to do this many push-ups or this many sit-ups. How does that work? Doesn't?

42:28 Drew Total BS. Complete and total. Absolute garbage. Well how do they get away with saying things that aren't true?

42:36 Adam No, but what I mean is what, is it that same sort of principle of like the penis pump?

42:41 Drew Yes. Where? Just yes.

42:43 Adam A and B does not equal C?

42:46 Drew Right, which is the fallacy in so many sort of medical scams. Which it sounds good and may make sound principled sense if you look at it sort of on paper, it may add up on paper, but the reality is it doesn't work that way.

43:00 Adam Right. It's like the penis pump. They go, how do you enlarge your muscles when you work out? Well, you move them, you pump blood to those muscles and enlarge the muscles. So the penis pump draws blood to the penis, therefore enlarging the penis muscle. It's like, no, A and B don't make C. Okay, so it can't work. All righty. Chris?

43:18 What's up?

43:18 Adam You're 18, what's up?

43:21 Caller Well, I had two things. The first one was, I was curious about mixing alcohol and antidepressants.

43:28 Drew Yeah, well, probably not a good idea, huh?

43:31 Caller Yeah, I know, obviously not a good idea, but.

43:34 Drew Even the question cracked way up.

43:37 Adam Is that what you've been doing?

43:38 Caller Well, no, it's not like I was trying to get high, but I'm on antidepressants anyway.

43:43 Drew Are you just drinking occasionally, or are you really going to it? Well, at 18, drinking, unable to contain it in spite of being on antidepressants.

43:52 Adam What's up there, buddy?

43:53 Caller What's up there? Nothing's up.

43:54 Adam Well, what's going on with life there?

43:57 Unwritten Law Why are you on the antidepressants?

44:00 Caller I just didn't really like going to school. Was just chilling at home during the day, and I eventually went to a psychologist, and I was prescribed. And I don't know if they're really working or not, but I'm going to school again.

44:14 Drew Just hang on a second, Chris, we're going to talk about what's behind your back for a second. Think of that, but how do you get through that level of insolence? It's like, hey, I just didn't feel like going to work. It's like, just hanging out at home, what's the big deal?

44:25 Adam I don't know.

44:26 Drew I just didn't feel like it. And there's like no grounds for discussion.

44:30 Adam Yeah.

44:31 Drew Why don't you go? Because I don't feel like it.

44:33 Adam Yeah. I'm going to, if I have a kid like Chris, I'm going to erect a Guantanamo Bay type facility to keep him in the backyard. Just a caged thing, a little arrow toward Mecca. You know, let him hang out there for a few nights and just torture him and then make him so happy to be back in the class and back in the house. Just because of my ass. Do you think that will work?

44:54 Drew Yeah. That's what happened to you. It worked.

44:55 Adam Yeah. That is true. Hey, Chris?

44:57 Caller Yeah.

44:57 Adam Okay. So which antidepressants are you on?

45:00 Caller It's Zilla.

45:01 Adam Okay. Well, why don't you focus on taking care of yourself, you know? It's going to be a long life otherwise.

45:08 Drew No, no, no. Chris needs to focus on getting his ass together.

45:12 Adam Yes.

45:12 Drew Not taking care of himself. That's all he's doing is don't take care of himself. He needs to get a structure and get with it.

45:20 Adam Well, so here's the rule of thumb, Chris. If you want to do something, don't do it. Only do the things you don't want to do.

45:27 Drew That's life.

45:28 Adam And you'll be fine.

45:29 Drew And you'll be able to succeed in life.

45:30 Adam Eventually, you'll learn to sort of tolerate those and then you'll be fine.

45:34 Caller Well, it's actually cool. I'm going to have enough Chris to graduate, and I'm planning on going to college next year.

45:38 Adam Which college?

45:40 Caller I'm going to have to transfer to the University of Wisconsin from a...

45:44 Adam Junior college?

45:45 Caller Yeah, I'm going to have to transfer.

45:46 Drew Shocking.

45:47 Adam Let me check my Chris Stoner transfer chart. What month are we in?

45:52 Drew We are in 2002.

45:54 Adam 2002, January. You're starting junior college when?

45:59 Caller Probably next fall.

46:00 Drew Next fall.

46:00 Adam 2002.

46:01 Drew We'll flip that over. Flip it over. Flip it over again.

46:03 Adam Oh, geez. There's a lot of pages here. Yeah. You're going to be 87 years old. Actually, in the page before it says you will have died by prostate cancer before you actually transfer into University of Wisconsin.

46:14 Caller It's looking bleak. Yeah.

46:15 Adam All right there, buddy.

46:16 Drew At least you admitted that.

46:18 Adam Listen, it's just no easy road. You just don't give in. Just get motivated. Be a little harder on yourself. Everyone, feel free to push yourself just a little bit.

46:28 Unwritten Law Rough seas make a sharp sailor, buddy.

46:30 Adam Yeah. Oh, wait. I like that. And the devil makes work for idle sailors.

46:37 Drew You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. Your turn.

46:39 Adam No, I think it's...

46:40 Caller But I believe in the devil, all right. TK.

46:42 Caller You know why?

46:43 Caller Because the prick keeps doing commercials.

46:46 Caller What?

46:47 Adam I have no idea what that is. We're going to take a little break. We'll be right back with Unwritten Law.

46:52 Caller All right, guys.

46:52 Adam Bottom line.

46:53 Caller Here's the deal.

46:54 Caller Looking to hook up.

46:55 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

46:57 Caller One call is all you need to make.

46:58 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:00 Caller 877-889-DATE.

47:05 Caller Love Line with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

47:07 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

47:11 Caller We'll be right back.

47:45 Adam Hey, Loveline, everybody. I'm Adam, that's Drew. Wade and PK are both here from Unwritten Law. The CD is coming out next week. Wade likes his coffee.

48:00 Drew With sugar.

48:01 Unwritten Law My sugar with coffee.

48:02 Caller Lots of sugar. That's right. Right.

48:04 Adam He takes, oh man. Hey Anderson, we got to oil these chairs. They're starting to dry me nuts.

48:11 Caller Can I just give you the WD-40 like last week?

48:12 Unwritten Law That's just Wade opening Cokes.

48:13 Adam You gave me the WD-40 a couple of months ago and I sprayed our chairs with it, but I didn't spray the guest chairs with it, which I should have done. Yeah, let's do that.

48:23 Usually our guests don't move around quite so much.

48:25 Adam Well, Wade drinks 14 cups of coffee. They both have 13 sugar packets in them, so he's a little wound up.

48:31 Unwritten Law The spoon's standing up.

48:32 Caller Come on.

48:35 Adam Where is that WD-40 Anderson? I'll make some.

48:38 Caller Come on.

48:39 Adam Somewhere? All right.

48:40 Unwritten Law I'm not going to bring him a dirty magazine.

48:42 Drew This is our caller, Anderson. Where is the WD-40? Somewhere.

48:46 Adam Somewhere.

48:46 Drew Thanks, Anderson.

48:47 Adam It's somewhere around here. Like at the hardware store? All right. Send somebody out to go find it. I'm going to recon mission.

48:53 Go get it, Tara.

48:54 Adam Yeah. Tara, you get that.

48:55 Drew Tara.

48:56 Adam Yeah.

48:59 Ray.

49:00 Unwritten Law Hey.

49:01 Drew Tara, I won't call you Tara.

49:03 Unwritten Law Oh, Tara.

49:04 Adam Ray, you're 18.

49:05 Unwritten Law There it is. Right there. There it is.

49:07 Unwritten Law Yeah. I just wanted to...

49:08 Caller I saw Unwritten Law last night at the Glass House, Pomona. Right on.

49:14 Unwritten Law Right on.

49:14 Caller All right. Yeah. I thought you guys were really cool.

49:16 Drew Thanks.

49:16 Unwritten Law You're really cool, buddy.

49:18 Caller Thanks, man.

49:19 Drew That's it?

49:19 Unwritten Law No.

49:20 Drew You're gay.

49:21 Caller No, no, no, I'm not. I saw a bunch of camera crews there, and I was wondering what you guys were filming.

49:27 Unwritten Law We were just filming a live video for... just to have... we're putting together, like, a movie thing, and we just wanted to get live shots. And we like the Glass House a lot.

49:39 Drew You were filming to collect film?

49:42 Unwritten Law We were filming to collect film. We were filming a porn.

49:45 Drew They're filming to get footage.

49:47 Adam They're documenting. All right.

49:49 Caller Yeah. You guys playing? I'm playing there again? Yeah.

49:52 Unwritten Law We always like playing the Glass House. It's really cool there.

49:55 Caller It's really cool.

49:55 Unwritten Law Oh, it's for MTV, too. It's for MTV, too. Oops. I forgot about MTV. I'm still into MTV, you know? All right.

50:02 All right, Ray. All right.

50:03 Adam Thanks, everybody.

50:04 All right. All right.

50:06 Adam It's a simple man, that Ray. Sarah?

50:09 Yeah.

50:10 Adam You're 18?

50:11 Caller Yeah, I am.

50:11 Adam What's up?

50:12 Caller Hi.

50:12 Adam Hi.

50:14 Drew Go.

50:14 Unwritten Law Oh, well, my question is...

50:18 Adam How does that work?

50:20 Drew I don't know. It happens a lot. It's got to be on our end because, again, as you say, we're the only variable that doesn't change in here.

50:25 Adam Well, let's do a re-enactment, Drew.

50:27 Drew Sarah, you're 18.

50:29 Adam Hi.

50:29 Drew Sarah, what's up?

50:30 Adam Go. Hi.

50:32 Drew Go.

50:33 Adam You go, they go, you go, what's up? They go, hi. You go, hi.

50:38 Unwritten Law Go.

50:39 Adam Then there's a long pause. You're supposed to say hi twice or what are you supposed to do?

50:43 Unwritten Law You're supposed to say go and go now.

50:44 Adam Okay. Go.

50:47 Caller Okay. My question is, about five months ago, I pierced my nipples and my mom just found out a couple of days ago. She was disappointed, but she was okay with it. But she pointed out that there's breast cancer that runs in my family. And so we were kind of wondering, was that going to trigger it?

51:02 Drew No.

51:03 Caller No?

51:03 Drew No way.

51:03 Caller Okay, because I'm going to the doctor in a couple of days.

51:05 Drew No association.

51:06 Caller She just wanted to make sure so.

51:08 Drew Zero association.

51:08 Adam How'd your mom find out?

51:10 Caller She found out because her friend, well, yeah, her best friend, I had told her. And then her best friend has a daughter that's my age. And when her daughter found out, she went and did it too. And then her mom kind of thought I was the influence of it.

51:24 Adam Well, wait a minute, wait a minute. Didn't you tell her best friend?

51:27 Caller Well, yeah, I told my mom's best friend.

51:29 Adam Wouldn't you figure on her telling your mom?

51:34 Caller Well, no, she didn't tell her. She found out a couple months ago and she didn't say anything. It was when her daughter did it. She was like, oh, well, there is the influence. So she decided to tell my mom.

51:43 Adam Wade is going to oil up his squeaky Loveline seat. So you told your mom's best friend, but she didn't snitch on you.

51:52 Caller She was fine with it. She was...

51:54 Drew But until her daughter did the same thing, then all of a sudden it changed.

51:57 Caller Yeah, then it became, oh my God.

51:59 Adam Okay. Did you have it done or did you do it yourself?

52:02 Caller Oh, no, I had them done professionally.

52:03 Drew Both.

52:04 Caller I researched it. I didn't just do it.

52:05 Drew You researched it.

52:06 Caller Well, that was... I kind of got some feedback from people and then I went and I read, like, it is hurt and all kinds of articles about it and the risks or whatever.

52:15 Drew Where did you get the articles?

52:17 Caller bmefreak.com.

52:19 Caller It's like a site for piercings and tattoos and stuff like that.

52:21 Drew bmefreak.com.

52:22 Adam Okay.

52:23 Drew I'd go to sites that wouldn't name freak in it. I look for that URL with the term freak.

52:30 Adam All right. So you're all right there. You won't get the cancer.

52:33 Drew All right. Well, thank you.

52:34 Adam Good. Your mom's disappointed.

52:35 Unwritten Law That was actually a good question.

52:37 Adam You got your nipples pierced. You disappointed your mom.

52:40 Drew It'll make it difficult to breastfeed.

52:41 Caller Will it? Because I heard that it wouldn't.

52:43 Drew No, it doesn't make it impossible. It makes it difficult. I'm sorry.

52:46 Unwritten Law Babies aren't used to nipple rings yet. I don't think we're that far in the ladder yet.

52:49 Adam You know what I love about you, Drew? When I'm just trying to lead in a little thing there.

52:54 Drew You should be used to it by now. Obviously, I don't have any ability to do it.

52:57 Adam No vibe at all.

52:57 Drew No vibe.

52:59 Adam So I was like, I go, well, you pierced your nipples, you've disappointed your mom, you're quiet on your, you can breastfeed. That doesn't, no?

53:08 Drew Come on, playboy.

53:08 Adam You don't think there's a third one coming there? Come on, playboy.

53:13 Drew I can't even predict where you're going, even with you bringing it up. Tell me, tell me now, maybe this is part of the problem, you never finish it when I do this to you, so I never learned what it was you were gonna do.

53:24 Fight.

53:25 Unwritten Law Yeah.

53:26 Adam Well, listen, you know, like if someone says, if someone says, like, you crashed a car, you got an F's in school, you're well on your way, do you just jump in at that point?

53:37 Drew You might go, and you just want your dad, just pile it on, pile it on, make your breastfeeding worse. I'm just piling out, you're listing negatives, and I'm piling it on.

53:44 Unwritten Law Hey, you guys should arm wrestle.

53:45 Adam Good, good job there.

53:46 Drew That's what I think I'm doing. See, I don't get your guard fight. No, no, I want to know what the joke is you're going to.

53:52 Unwritten Law Come fight, come on.

53:54 Adam All right, all right, that's good radio. Nada?

53:59 Yes, I'm here.

54:00 Adam You're 45?

54:02 Caller Yes, I am.

54:02 Adam What's up there?

54:04 Caller What's up, well, before I start, I need to say that unwritten law, what I've heard, I think I like. I want to hear more.

54:13 Adam Okay.

54:14 Caller And Ray's drinking sugar and coffee.

54:17 Drew Hold on.

54:18 Caller Add some creamer to that and I'm with him. What does PK drink?

54:23 Unwritten Law I like Jameson.

54:24 Drew Jameson?

54:25 Unwritten Law Jameson. He likes Jameson.

54:28 Unwritten Law I like chocolate milk. All right.

54:30 Adam Hey, Nada? Okay.

54:31 Caller Yes.

54:32 Adam You got a question there, weirdo, or what are you doing?

54:41 Caller My son was recently switched to Selexa and he has this flatulence problem. He has gone from sometimes now and then to almost constant with a 3 to 10 hobo power.

54:59 Adam Oh, wow. Turbo.

55:01 Caller No, hobo.

55:02 Drew Hobo power.

55:03 Adam Well, 3 to 10 is a pretty good range. I mean, 3 is not too bad, but 10 is a package of power.

55:09 Caller But yes, I have to leave the room sometimes.

55:13 Unwritten Law Has opening cokes?

55:15 Drew Well, in nature, has it been recorded more than 10 hobo power?

55:18 Adam No.

55:18 Caller No.

55:20 Caller I don't know.

55:21 Adam Okay, now hold on. Can he control himself or is he just let him fly?

55:27 Caller Mostly he just lets him fly, but every once in a while he saves one and leaves the room so he doesn't kill me.

55:36 Drew Has the Selexa caused a change in his diet?

55:39 Caller Well, the diet has not changed.

55:42 Drew You sure?

55:43 Caller I am sure because I am the cook.

55:45 Adam Still just Pepsi and Pinot Beans.

55:48 Unwritten Law Now you know what you do is...

55:49 Caller And Drew, I could absolutely love you except you can't take garlic and I am sorry.

55:57 Drew That's a deal breaker for you?

55:58 Caller Oh, yeah.

56:00 Drew Are you giving that to your son? Maybe that's part of the problem here.

56:03 Caller You're insane.

56:04 Caller No, it's just the same thing. He's always eating and as far as Drew is concerned, a couple of years before I gave up makeup and worrying about my hair, I said, yeah, screw it, whatever I see, I looked like his wife. Oh, really?

56:23 Unwritten Law Just roll up all the windows and turn on the heaters though.

56:26 Caller Oh, no, no, no. That works. No, no, no.

56:29 Unwritten Law You could have him fart down my mouth.

56:31 Unwritten Law In your mouth.

56:32 Caller If you want him to fart down your mouth, that's okay.

56:35 Drew All right. Here's the deal.

56:36 Caller I'm not doing that. We open the windows.

56:38 Drew What kind of name is Nada anyway?

56:40 Caller Nada is my nickname.

56:42 Drew Nada.

56:42 Unwritten Law Nada fart in the room.

56:45 Drew Nada.

56:45 Adam Nada two brain cells.

56:46 Drew Nada.

56:48 Caller For all those other people, I am not a sister. I am not a mother. But I will act on the same level. But I do not recycle.

57:00 Adam Let me ask Nada a couple of questions. Nada, are you high?

57:04 Unwritten Law On crack cocaine?

57:05 Caller No.

57:06 Adam You're not high. Are you crazy? Are you a little nuts?

57:09 Caller No.

57:09 Adam Surely people have told you you're insane.

57:11 Caller No. Really? Yes. A little bit of depression and anxiety just like my son.

57:19 Adam Are you able to work?

57:21 Caller Yes.

57:22 Adam You are?

57:23 Caller Yes.

57:23 Adam What do you do?

57:24 Caller I work many hours for a, shall we say, a semi-private agency of the Federal Government.

57:34 Drew Semi-private?

57:35 Unwritten Law What's semi-private?

57:37 Unwritten Law That's like Patriot Games talk. I don't understand.

57:40 Drew That's like a Jeopardy question.

57:41 Caller We are trying to be privatized, but we are...

57:45 Drew What is the mail service?

57:46 Unwritten Law It must be Aliens Anonymous.

57:49 Adam You do something with the mail?

57:51 Caller You betcha.

57:52 Adam What is it? Let me ask this. I know these guys get a lot of crap, these mailmen and the general guys who are involved with the mail distributing, but why is it some sort of sieve that just psychopath loners sort of get caught up in for careers? What's up? Why mail? Why all the weirdos in mail? You know what I'm saying?

58:15 Drew What do you imagine you're doing if you're working for the mail service? Just think what your job is.

58:21 Adam I think it's one of these jobs where you want people to leave you alone and you want to just sort of walk your route or sort your box and not have some guy looking over your shoulder cracking a whip. It's for people who don't work well and don't do well in settings where there's groups of people around. So you become like a...

58:40 Unwritten Law Solo artist.

58:41 Adam Right, right. Yeah, I like the way I hit the... I don't think NADA is delivering this stuff though. NADA?

58:46 Unwritten Law Not a chance.

58:47 Caller No.

58:48 Adam You're not.

58:49 Caller I'm not delivering the mail.

58:51 Adam Okay.

58:51 Caller But what I do is that the mail that people, they write like the wrong address on the envelope or they...

59:03 Drew NADA is Santa Claus...

59:04 Caller .have bad handwriting.

59:06 Adam That you can't write. You figure that out.

59:09 Caller I am the person that helps sort that stuff out.

59:12 Drew All right.

59:13 Adam You're doing God's work.

59:14 Drew All right. So here's the deal.

59:15 Caller I am getting it where it goes.

59:17 Drew NADA.

59:18 Unwritten Law NADA. All right. All right.

59:19 Drew NADA. Here we go. Here we go.

59:20 Adam No big deal.

59:21 Drew Everyone e-mails it. Can the medication cause stinky farts? Yes. Yes, it can. Can it cause changes in your diet? Yes. Can it change the... alternate the way the bacteria sort of processes what he had been eating? Yes, it can change that. So it may not be directly the medicine. It may in fact be the diet. So what you got to do is if he's going to stay on the Selexa, that medication is working for him, is try to...

59:47 Adam A little beano or something.

59:48 Drew Try to work with the diet in such a way that he's not, you know, cut out dairy, cut out spices, cut things out and see what helps reduce this.

59:55 Adam Give him cabbage. Hey, Nada.

59:57 Unwritten Law Give him a lighter. Let him light him on fire.

59:58 Adam Does the guy, does the kid see his dad?

1:00:01 Caller Yes.

1:00:02 Adam Where? When?

1:00:03 Caller Well, when his dad has time off because he works two jobs.

1:00:07 Adam All right.

1:00:08 Caller Yeah.

1:00:09 Adam Okay. And he does see his dad.

1:00:12 Drew Wait a minute. Do you like, do you have a, I'm all right. I'm like charmed by Nada. She's pleasant.

1:00:17 Adam Well, let's not overdo it. But Nada is, you're like irritated. No, no, it's fine. I just, I just, I just worry that she's driving the kid nuts. Is he doing all right?

1:00:27 Caller He is trying to do all right with his social anxiety. And the reason he has medication and goes to therapy is because he triggers my problems because he's controlling my life. Okay, wait a minute. I don't have a life. You need help. I need to fix me.

1:00:46 Drew Yeah, hold on.

1:00:47 Adam That's okay. This kid's camped in a one bedroom apartment with Nada and he's going nuts. That's what I'm saying. And he lets a good ass blast out just to get her the hell out of the room.

1:01:00 Unwritten Law Opening cokes.

1:01:03 Drew How can you help Nada? Don't don't overthink things.

1:01:05 Adam Yeah, okay.

1:01:06 Unwritten Law It's just a fart.

1:01:07 Adam Hey, Nada.

1:01:08 Drew No, it's no more.

1:01:09 Adam I mean, oh, no more. Oh, that's right. Jesus. What is this crazy ethnic night? Nada, here's here's here's all I want you to do. Stay downstairs. All I want you to do is I know I know your son's got some problems and you're doing your best to take care of him. But make sure you give him a little little room to grow to spread his wings.

1:01:28 Caller He's doing that.

1:01:29 Drew How old is he?

1:01:30 Adam 15.

1:01:30 Caller 17.

1:01:33 Adam Is he doing all right? Is he doing all right in school?

1:01:36 Caller Well, he's waiting for a GED test results.

1:01:40 Adam What's his plan?

1:01:43 Caller To figure out life as it comes at him.

1:01:46 Drew No, what's his plan? No, no, stop. We're going to practice this for the first time now. What's just a straight answer. What's his plan? What's his plan? Just state it out. Do you over think it?

1:01:59 Unwritten Law No, no.

1:02:00 Caller Zip it, you nag.

1:02:01 Unwritten Law All right.

1:02:01 Adam Do you see why this guy is...

1:02:03 Caller You're out.

1:02:04 Adam What's the shot of this guy? This guy is better off raised by Koala Bear.

1:02:09 Unwritten Law I think Nada's kid will probably be all right. If he joins a band, Nada, tell him to give me a call. We'll give him an opening in the slot.

1:02:14 Adam I think it's going to get him out of there.

1:02:15 Drew Nada's got to stop with the crazy verbiage, nonsense. Yeah. Just keep it simple. Keep it simple. Because she thinks she knows what she's talking about in terms of all these...

1:02:27 Adam No, but Drew, do you understand you talk to crazy people and then you wonder why they don't make sense?

1:02:33 Drew I'm not sure she's crazy. She's just controlling. She's so controlling that she has to know everything and she's got it all figured out. No, you don't. No, you don't. Just keep it simple.

1:02:41 Adam No, she's functional, but she's wacky. She's wack. I mean, look, imagine if she sat next to you on a flight to New York. All right.

1:02:48 Drew I'd jump out the window.

1:02:49 Adam Drew would make a run for the cabin, have the guard take him down, the air marshal put a few slugs in his back and consider himself a lucky man, right? All right. Let's talk to Nomar. Hey. You're 15.

1:03:03 Caller What's up?

1:03:05 One word for that, Nada, Napalm.

1:03:07 Drew All right. Hold on. Hold. Put on hold. No. We have two versions, two bogus calls. What are they? One is, I slept with my best friend's mom.

1:03:18 Adam Right.

1:03:18 Drew The other is.

1:03:19 Adam I don't know what the next one is.

1:03:20 Drew It's up here on the board here.

1:03:22 Adam Is this Nomar?

1:03:23 Drew Yeah.

1:03:24 Adam Is having feelings for his best friend?

1:03:25 Drew There you go.

1:03:26 Adam Is he gay?

1:03:27 Drew Right.

1:03:27 Adam Yeah.

1:03:28 Drew That's our next number two bogus call.

1:03:30 Adam All right. All right. Although we've had some of those more bogus.

1:03:33 Drew Of course. We've had to have the boy with the best friend's mom not be bogus too.

1:03:37 Adam Nomar?

1:03:38 Yeah. This isn't my best friend's mom.

1:03:40 Adam All right. It's your best friend.

1:03:41 Yeah.

1:03:42 Adam You're having feelings for him?

1:03:44 Yeah.

1:03:44 Caller I guess.

1:03:46 Like I've known this guy for like a long time. And like just recently, like maybe in the past month or two, I've just been getting, you know, like sort of feelings for him.

1:03:59 Adam Right.

1:03:59 Like, not like, like if you ask me, not like, Not like what? Not like want to get in him, you know, but like.

1:04:09 Adam More like, more like jizz on him.

1:04:14 Well, I'm looking for a little more classy.

1:04:16 Drew See what I'm talking about?

1:04:17 Yeah. Yeah.

1:04:18 Adam All right. No, I believe him. Oh, please. I do.

1:04:20 Drew Oh, come on.

1:04:21 Adam Hold on a second. Turn him down so I can't hear this, Anderson. But listen, if this is Bogus, he'll work the guy's name.

1:04:30 Drew Right. Of course. Of course.

1:04:31 Adam All right. So let's just see if he works against him. No more? Yeah. Okay. So.

1:04:38 Caller That is tough.

1:04:38 I always listen to you guys on the radio and I can hear when you're talking behind the back.

1:04:42 Adam Right. Did you hear me?

1:04:43 Caller No, I didn't.

1:04:44 Adam Yeah. We worked that out. So what's up? Do you want to talk to him about it?

1:04:50 No, I don't really think so. Like he has a girlfriend right now. I know he's straight.

1:04:54 Caller Right.

1:04:55 But I don't know if this is just sort of leading towards like something else. Like if I don't think I'm homosexual, but.

1:05:04 Caller Right.

1:05:06 Adam See, I believe. You don't think you're gay. You ever been with a guy?

1:05:09 No, no.

1:05:10 Adam Well, they'll knock it and tell you.

1:05:12 Yeah, I don't watch gay porn or anything like that.

1:05:14 Adam You ever been with a girl?

1:05:17 Like making out, grabbing boob, but no intercourse or anything.

1:05:22 Caller All right, all right, all right.

1:05:24 Adam He's 15, he's confused. Well, listen, you're not going to do anything with this guy. He's got a girlfriend. He's obviously straight. So don't dilute yourself and don't do anything weird.

1:05:33 Drew What are the feelings you're having?

1:05:35 Well, like...

1:05:39 Drew Come on, come on, come on. If we're going to take this seriously...

1:05:41 Adam I've been taking it seriously.

1:05:45 Drew Wade obviously has been, too.

1:05:46 Adam Wade's done for the night.

1:05:49 Drew What are the feelings?

1:05:50 Caller You know, it's just like...

1:05:51 Like, sometimes I'll think, like, about, like, kissing him or... Or, like, about his butthole.

1:05:59 Caller Yeah.

1:06:01 Drew This guy's called before. This guy's called before.

1:06:06 Caller No more.

1:06:08 Drew Hang on a second.

1:06:08 Caller No more?

1:06:10 Drew He's called before. I recognize his voice.

1:06:11 Caller Yeah? Yeah.

1:06:14 Adam No more.

1:06:15 Drew Hold on a second. No more. Hold on a second. We got a problem in the studio here.

1:06:19 Adam Tell us when he called last so you can be good for Drew.

1:06:22 Drew He called about two weeks ago, right?

1:06:24 Caller I actually never called Joe before.

1:06:26 Drew You've never called before?

1:06:27 Caller Never called before.

1:06:28 Caller All right.

1:06:29 Adam Never called, Drew. You're starting to lose it.

1:06:32 Drew But I definitely knew it was bogus before we even got drawn.

1:06:34 Adam You did know it was bogus. Drew knew it was bogus. I got to give Drew credit for that.

1:06:40 Drew But I'm actually glad he called just to entertain our guests. Yeah.

1:06:43 Adam No, Drew, Drew announced it was bogus.

1:06:49 Drew You guys all right?

1:06:50 Adam Yeah, you guys cool?

1:06:51 Caller It's just a butt hole.

1:06:58 Drew I wish people could get the visual. Wait, trying to wiggle out of his body. He's laughing so hard.

1:07:04 Adam He can't stand it.

1:07:04 Caller He's fish out of water.

1:07:05 Drew He can't stand it.

1:07:06 Adam He's flailing. Yasha.

1:07:09 Caller Hey, how's it going?

1:07:10 Adam Thank you, Wade. Nomar and the, kind of, what was that chick's name?

1:07:15 Drew Nada. Nada, Nomar, and Yasha.

1:07:18 Adam Yasha. Jesus Christ. You know, these are names of dogs on a sled team.

1:07:24 Drew Let me just read you the board. Yasha, Nada, Nomar, Miko, and Ivy.

1:07:29 Adam This is crazy. These are waitresses at a sushi bar.

1:07:33 Unwritten Law Nada, what is that?

1:07:35 Drew Nada sister, Nada mom.

1:07:37 Unwritten Law Not a real name.

1:07:40 Adam All right, well, we're sorry there, Yasha. What's up?

1:07:43 Caller No problem. I just wanted to talk to a hundred and a lot of guys. Hey, guys, I've listened to you since I've loved punk and you guys are just great.

1:07:50 Adam Thanks, bro.

1:07:51 Unwritten Law Thanks, bud.

1:07:52 Caller And Wade, you are a kick-ass drummer. I've been trying to be like you, but I don't know about that one.

1:07:57 Unwritten Law You are correct.

1:08:00 Caller I'm taking you guys out tomorrow and stoked on that.

1:08:03 Caller But I had a quick question.

1:08:05 Caller I just want to know what your influence is, like what influence you change you guys' style from like Blue Room now like Elva. They are so different.

1:08:12 Unwritten Law Well, like from the Blue Room, back then when we started, it was more like a vision just to piss the world off and to make our music evolved around that. But now it's like we are just evolving. There is a lot more emotion now that comes from different dynamics of music from Led Zeppelin to Black Sabbath, to to Tori Amos, stuff like that. So whatever is inside you, your art, let it come out with no boundaries. That's kind of our motto now.

1:08:41 Caller That's what really kept me like, that's why you guys are so like great because you guys change every single album. So you bring out something different every time.

1:08:48 Unwritten Law Well, thank you. Are you an artist at all?

1:08:50 Caller Yeah, actually I do tons of stuff, so.

1:08:52 Unwritten Law Well, keep it going. We need your help, buddy. The world needs your help.

1:08:55 Caller Cool. And I can't wait to see you guys tomorrow.

1:08:57 Unwritten Law I can't wait to see you too, dude. Rock on.

1:08:59 Adam Thanks, Yasha. There's a nice, normal call.

1:09:03 Unwritten Law I'll tell you what, that butthole thing is still cracking me up, dude.

1:09:06 Adam We're going to take ourselves a little break. We'll come back. We'll hear something from Unwritten Law, and we'll do that after this.

1:09:41 Caller Jim and Fletcher and Randy from Pennywise. You're listening to Love Line with Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla.

1:09:49 Caller Thank you.

1:09:53 Caller It is Love Line.

1:09:55 Adam Unwritten Law is here. Elva is the name of the new CD that is out on the 29th next week.

1:10:01 Drew Oh my God.

1:10:02 Adam Wade and PK are both here.

1:10:04 Drew Smells like hydrocarbons.

1:10:05 Adam I sprayed some WD-40 in there.

1:10:07 Drew Some? My God.

1:10:07 Unwritten Law There's no more squeaky chair.

1:10:09 Adam I can't breathe. Oh, Drew, you're fine, puss.

1:10:12 Unwritten Law Let's go.

1:10:13 Adam Let's take a call and we'll hear something else from Unwritten Law. What do you say? Ivy.

1:10:19 Caller Hey.

1:10:20 Adam Hey, you're 14. What's up?

1:10:22 Caller Yeah.

1:10:22 Caller Well, first, I want to say that I love your show.

1:10:25 Adam Thanks.

1:10:25 Caller And Unwritten Law, I'm going to come see you when you guys come to Maryland.

1:10:29 Drew Maryland?

1:10:30 Caller Yeah.

1:10:30 Drew All right. It says here you're from Tacoma.

1:10:32 Caller Tacoma Park, Maryland.

1:10:34 Drew Oh my God.

1:10:35 Adam Yeah.

1:10:35 Drew All right.

1:10:36 Adam Do you see my plan straightening all this out? Rochester, Minnesota, Rochester, New York, Salem, Oregon, Salem, Mass. Very confusing.

1:10:47 Drew One name per country.

1:10:48 Adam Whoever got there first? If Salem, Mass, I'm guessing is older than Salem, Oregon.

1:10:53 Drew How about the bigger city prevails? Because if it was Tacoma, you're not thinking Maryland. I don't care who was first. You're thinking Tacoma, Washington.

1:11:00 Adam Fine. Whatever the population is. And the other the other one's got to just change the name.

1:11:06 Drew Yeah.

1:11:06 Adam Just be like, you know, Smithville.

1:11:09 Drew Nada. Just call it Nada.

1:11:10 Adam Nadaville.

1:11:12 Unwritten Law Nadaville.

1:11:13 Adam You have to name yourself.

1:11:14 Drew Nomar. Nomar. It's a good name for a town.

1:11:16 Adam You name yourself after like NFL quarterbacks or muscle cars, you know.

1:11:22 Drew Yeah. Bradshaw.

1:11:23 Adam You could live in Barracudaville.

1:11:26 Drew Maybe the villa. Just Barracuda.

1:11:27 Adam Dodge Chargerville or something. Yeah. All right. Ivy?

1:11:32 Caller Yeah.

1:11:32 Adam Sorry, baby. So what's up?

1:11:35 Caller I have hyperhidrosis.

1:11:37 Adam Sweat a lot?

1:11:38 Drew So does Adam.

1:11:39 Caller What?

1:11:40 Drew So does Adam.

1:11:40 Adam Yeah. I do a lot. I do a fair amount of sweating.

1:11:42 Drew Except Adam, it's solely on the forehead and brow.

1:11:46 Adam Oh, really? You have to mop my brow all the time.

1:11:49 Caller Well, mine's like bad.

1:11:50 Caller It's like gross. It's nasty.

1:11:51 Drew Where? Where is it?

1:11:52 Caller Like armpits.

1:11:53 Drew Yeah. Yeah. It's a tough thing to handle. There are creams. You're trying the creams, like from Xerac or anything like that?

1:12:00 Caller Cremes? No.

1:12:01 Like, I talked to my doctor.

1:12:02 Drew Yeah.

1:12:03 Caller And she was like, I'm not really familiar with it. And like, I don't know of a treatment of it or anything.

1:12:09 Drew I'm like, oh, no. Well, one big consideration is that it may change as you mature.

1:12:17 Caller Really?

1:12:17 Drew Yeah, it may change.

1:12:18 Caller Yeah, it's gotten like a little better over the last year. It was so awful. All right.

1:12:21 Drew So I predict that it's going to get better. Number two, if it stays bad, there are creams that don't typically work in the armpit area. And there are at least two different procedures that can be done. One is where they take all the glands out of your armpit. That's one of the things they do. And it's not a good thing.

1:12:36 Adam But they donate them to people who can't sweat.

1:12:38 Caller That's right.

1:12:40 Drew And the other is there are things they can do with the nervous input to that area, the sympathetic tone. They destroy some sympathetic input to the...

1:12:51 Adam Oh, that's too much. What about some of that Xerox stuff?

1:12:54 Drew Yeah. Right now, just give it time. Give it 3 or 4 years.

1:12:57 Unwritten Law 3 or 4 years?

1:12:59 Drew Yeah. In the meantime, that would be Xerox.

1:13:02 Adam Yeah. Why don't you talk to your doctor about... There is a thing that will... Like topical stuff that you rub on there that does stop you from sweating.

1:13:13 Drew Or ask to see a dermatologist if she's not comfortable doing that. I gave Adam that Xerox. It worked, didn't it?

1:13:19 Adam Yeah. I don't really use it.

1:13:21 Drew But when you needed it, it worked, right?

1:13:23 Adam Yeah. It kind of dries you up a little bit. You just rub it on my forehead because I'd sweat all the time. We'd be doing the TV show and my forehead would be all sweating. People think I was high on crack. You know what I'm saying? They think you're dicey. It's a weird thing. It's a subtle form of sort of, I don't want to call it racism, but it's something-ism.

1:13:46 Drew Discrimination. Discrimination based on sweating.

1:13:48 Adam There's certain people that sweat more than other people, and those people that sweat are sort of made fun of, or thought to be lying, or nervous, or dicey, or high on drugs, and they just sweat more.

1:13:58 Drew Could be, or?

1:13:59 Adam Or they could be nervous, high, dicey, or taking drugs. That's right.

1:14:04 Drew Yeah.

1:14:05 Adam All right. Let's hear something from Unwritten Law. Anderson, you're ready to rock here?

1:14:10 Drew What's this one called?

1:14:11 Adam It's called Up All Night.

1:17:12 Caller Wow.

1:17:14 Adam That's a good one from Unwritten Law. New CD is coming out on the 29th, 25th record signing at the Tower Records in San Diego. So all things to look forward to from Unwritten Law. Get back to the phone, speak to John, who's 30. John?

1:17:34 Caller Yeah, how are you doing? Good.

1:17:35 Adam What's up?

1:17:36 Caller Well, I ordered a GHB kit over the Internet, and I mixed some chemicals together and did it, and I took it, and...

1:17:46 Drew Wow, that's interesting. What's in that kit?

1:17:49 Caller It's just got like, I can't remember the chemical names, but like two different chemicals. They sell it as like a rubber cement or a rubber cement remover.

1:17:58 Drew Wow.

1:17:59 Caller And you just mix together with some denatured water, I think it is, and I don't know, be it.

1:18:06 Drew Denatured means protein. Denatured means a protein.

1:18:09 Adam Yeah, it wouldn't be water.

1:18:10 Caller It's just, I can't remember what it's called, but just purified water, basically. And it does a little reaction, and then you put it into bottles and you seal it up.

1:18:21 Drew So you drink nail polish remover.

1:18:24 Adam Yeah.

1:18:25 Caller Basically, I guess, I don't know.

1:18:27 Adam You couldn't just make bathtub gin or fire up a still or something. I mean, here's what I'm saying. These are like the guys I know make beer, and it takes them six months to make a six pack. And I'm like, how much time do you have to get effed up? I got to get effed up now. You understand? I'm not interested in the fermentation process. I mean, when you're ordering, from the time you put the order until the time you catch a buzz is like a month, right?

1:18:53 Caller Yeah. Well, it didn't really do it for a buzz. It just did it so I can sleep better. But it contains sodium hydroxide and the other bottle is like contact cement cleaner remover.

1:19:06 Drew Wow. That's it?

1:19:09 Caller Yeah. And then you just mix it with the water.

1:19:10 Adam Where do you get it? On the Internet?

1:19:12 Caller Yeah.

1:19:12 Adam And they claim it's for removing something?

1:19:15 Caller Yeah. That's the way they can sell it legally.

1:19:18 Adam Right.

1:19:19 Drew Sodium hydro... Does it say what the chemical is in the solvent?

1:19:25 Caller I could look again.

1:19:26 Adam There it is.

1:19:26 Drew It doesn't sound right to me. What if this guy got something weird?

1:19:30 Adam He probably just actually got a shipment that was going to a paint store or something and just drank it.

1:19:36 Caller Well, actually, it doesn't say...

1:19:37 Adam Well, anyway, John, what have you done to yourself?

1:19:40 Caller Well, anyway, I took this stuff and it works. It does just like the normal stuff, the normal GHB. And it's been sitting around for probably about... I don't know, probably three, four months. And I took this stuff and, again, just like about a week and a half ago. And for the last four or five days, I've been peeing blood.

1:20:00 Caller Don't!

1:20:02 Caller So I went to the doctor after feeling real bad, and they checked me out, did a blood test and urine test. And I didn't have any kidney stones. They did an x-ray.

1:20:12 Drew What about your kidney function? How's it doing?

1:20:14 Caller It's fine. I haven't had any problems with it.

1:20:17 Drew I'm worried that you have something called glomerulonephritis, which is an inflammation of the basic units of the kidney. It can be quite serious. Now, I don't know. I understand they're looking around for something structural. Maybe the bleeding was unrelated to the GHB, and kidney stones are the most common cause of... Kidney stones and infection will be the two most common causes of blood in the urine. But if you're looking for some sort of reaction to a chemical, you're looking at the kidney units themselves, and that's something that really needs to be looked at very carefully.

1:20:50 Adam So what should you do?

1:20:51 Drew I'd go back again just to make sure things are okay. Because sometimes it takes a while for it to really reflect in the blood test.

1:20:57 Adam What has everything else going on in life? Going pretty good.

1:21:00 Caller Going real good.

1:21:02 Adam You got a woman? Yeah, a couple.

1:21:05 Caller A couple.

1:21:06 Adam Playboy. Playboy. You sure you're not talking about one fat one or? A couple. You working? Yeah. What do you do?

1:21:15 Caller I do networks and theaters.

1:21:16 Adam Okay.

1:21:18 Drew The GHB, you're not doing any of the drugs right now?

1:21:20 Caller No, absolutely not, no.

1:21:21 Adam Why don't you talk to the doctor about getting some sleeping pills?

1:21:24 Caller Yeah. Well, I definitely do have those, but it's like if I am faced with a for sure lack of sleep, I take this stuff and it gives you like four hours of really deep sleep and then you feel like you had ten hours sleep.

1:21:39 Drew John, I promise there is medicine that's far safer that will do the same thing. The GHB is not safe for your brain. I wish I could introduce you to some of the guys that take that drug regularly. It screws you up pretty good.

1:21:51 Adam I think they have been calling the show tonight.

1:21:52 Drew Yeah, I think so too.

1:21:54 Unwritten Law I have seen some bad things happen on that drug to people.

1:21:56 Drew Yeah, and I do not think a lot of it. We really don't know all that it does to the brain. It's not a safe drug to be taking.

1:22:03 Adam All right. Let's now talk to...

1:22:05 Drew But it's not the man's drug, Adam, so at least I can't take anything from the man because that's designed to hurt you.

1:22:10 Adam Right, pharmacies, they're working for the man. Or are they the man? Who's the man? White guys who invent stuff?

1:22:19 Drew Well, it's conspiracy.

1:22:20 Adam Right, right. So don't take anything they do. You just get that roots and whatnot, poison yourself. Mara?

1:22:28 Hello.

1:22:28 Adam You're 27?

1:22:29 Caller Yes.

1:22:30 Adam What's up?

1:22:32 Caller Well, my thing is I'm involved right now. I guess I can't call it a relationship, but I am involved.

1:22:39 Drew I want to bet right away.

1:22:40 Adam What's going on in the back radio at Mara Voices?

1:22:43 Caller No, I just wanted to ask.

1:22:44 Caller Oh, okay.

1:22:45 Caller I'm involved at the moment with a married man. You know, he was my friend before for several years.

1:22:54 Adam Right.

1:22:55 Caller And he just got married last year. And the thing is I wasn't that interested in him when he was not married. He has, I guess I could say, he's been pursuing me for a good four years about a friendship. And I didn't want to pursue anything further because he was just my friend. Well...

1:23:13 Drew But when he got married, suddenly he was...

1:23:14 Caller I don't know. It seems that way.

1:23:17 Caller Yeah. All right.

1:23:17 Caller And we've been together, I guess... I don't want to say a relationship again because that's not what it is. But we've been seeing each other, I guess, for the last seven months. And he's been married for only eight. And it seems like the minute that I... He got married and I realized that, you know, he's been my friend for so long. And, you know, and I started thinking like maybe I messed up. You know, I should have went for him when I did.

1:23:40 Adam No, no, you weren't into him. You're just into him now because there's no chance of having a real relationship. That's not the thing.

1:23:46 Caller He doesn't treat me like that. I mean, I don't want to sound like a typical mistress because...

1:23:50 Adam What's she saying?

1:23:52 Caller He doesn't. I mean, he treats me like...

1:23:53 Adam Hold on. Treats you like what?...

1:23:54 Caller he did five years ago when there was nothing going on.

1:23:57 Drew We're not saying anything about that.

1:23:58 Adam You know what people do with this show? They preload their answer or response.

1:24:02 Drew They don't listen to him.

1:24:03 Adam No matter what I say to him, I get response number 2B.

1:24:06 Drew Right.

1:24:07 Adam Right.

1:24:07 Caller I think she just watched that movie, My Best Friend's Wedding.

1:24:10 Drew Usually it's preface with, You Don't Understand.

1:24:13 Adam Yeah. What I'm saying is, here's a guy you knew was in... she knew was into her for years. She never wanted to get into it with him. They were just friends. Then he gets married. All of a sudden she's attracted to him. Well, that's because she's scared of intimacy. And now that he's off the market, she can get into it with him because there's no chance of it going anywhere.

1:24:36 Drew There's some other kind of weird aggression stuff here too. I've got to take somebody else's.

1:24:39 Adam I didn't say aggression. Mara?

1:24:43 Caller No. I mean, he just...

1:24:45 Adam No.

1:24:45 Drew Forget about him. This has nothing to do with him.

1:24:47 Caller Okay.

1:24:48 Drew We're talking about you and why you would choose to get involved with a situation that's unreachable, unavailable.

1:24:54 Adam Why choose to do it now after four years of knowing nothing to do with him?

1:24:58 Drew This is your choice.

1:25:00 Adam Why now?

1:25:02 Caller Because it seems that now I just realized like he just, his attitude hasn't changed towards me.

1:25:10 Drew Forget stop with him. Why are you choosing to do it?

1:25:14 Adam Hey, hold on. Earth to Tard. Earth to Tard. Come in. Come in, Tard. Can you hear me?

1:25:20 Caller And Drew, I know you're going to probably say it has some like thing to do with my childhood or I've been, you know, nothing. I'm not, I'm a trapped person.

1:25:28 Unwritten Law When did your dad rape you?

1:25:30 Caller No.

1:25:31 Drew You know? I'm actually, you know, I don't have a problem with it. Mara, you are completely disconnected from what's going on here and you're searching for reasons why you're doing this thing.

1:25:40 Adam And just because he was gentle doesn't mean it's not rape still.

1:25:44 Caller I think some of the best relationships are based on friendships and I missed that opportunity. I think that it was my fault.

1:25:50 Adam Okay, but let me, let's ask you, we're going to go over this one more time here, Mara. And again, we're not asking about him. I don't want to know anything about his attitude, anything about him, only you, right? Why is it you think that you would be friends with him for a number of years, that you would know he was attracted to you and wanted to have a relationship, and yet you would not participate in a relationship with him until he was married, and now you're attracted to him. Why do you think that is?

1:26:23 Caller Because it was too easy before, I guess.

1:26:26 Drew Here's the correct answer I think Mara. The correct answer is I don't know. Because you're searching for reasons, but you really don't quite get it, do you?

1:26:36 Caller I don't.

1:26:37 Drew Okay, that's good, that's good, that's fine.

1:26:39 Caller I feel like even if nothing else, we still have a great friendship, and I don't want to know that.

1:26:43 Drew Mara, you don't know why you're doing what you're doing, and that's real, that's for sure.

1:26:49 Adam That's fine.

1:26:50 Drew Yeah, that's fine. Stop trying to make sense of this behavior, because it doesn't make sense.

1:26:55 Adam All right, so.

1:26:56 Drew It's not going to have a rational reason.

1:26:58 Adam Here's the question. Have you had difficulty in intimate relationships, keeping them going?

1:27:03 Drew In the past?

1:27:04 Adam Yes, you have. Okay.

1:27:06 Drew So this is another version of that.

1:27:07 Caller But it's not for the reasons that, you know, it might come up like, oh, she's, you know, had a traumatic childhood or she's ugly or, none of them. I don't get it.

1:27:16 Drew Mara, Mara, we're not, we're not, have we brought any of that stuff up? You're fat.

1:27:22 Adam No, first off, when do we say you have trouble with intimacy because you're ugly?

1:27:26 Drew Yeah.

1:27:27 Adam The ugly you are, the more better you are in intimacy. You see those two ugly people at the mall, they're joined at the hip. They never let go. Like, I may never find anyone to love me. All right. Now, listen, baby, it's usually, usually because there was some loss or some disappointment or some unavailability early on in life.

1:27:46 Drew Something where love is about longing.

1:27:48 Adam Now, anything like that, did your dad leave the family or was he killed or something?

1:27:52 Caller Well, no, but my parents, you know, divorced when I was very young and I wasn't raised by my parents. I was raised by my grandparents, but yet I did not lack any love or any support.

1:28:01 Drew Yeah, but you lacked connection with your parents. And that?

1:28:04 Caller I speak with them. It's not...

1:28:05 Drew Yes, but you lacked the kind of connection that children need to grow without a consequence.

1:28:11 Adam You were, at what age did you go on with your grandparents?

1:28:16 Caller Four.

1:28:16 Adam And they raised you for how long?

1:28:18 Caller Up until I was about 21.

1:28:22 Adam Okay, that's a big thing. That's a weird connection thing.

1:28:26 Drew That's a huge deal. There it is. There it is. Thank God you had the grandparents and thank God that that sort of kept you growing psychologically, but it will cause issues with your ability to attach. And here it is. Attachments become longing. They don't become attachments.

1:28:44 Adam Yeah, that was your loss. Both your parents abandoned you at age four and dropped you off at the old people who smelled weird.

1:28:50 Drew That is a big, big deal.

1:28:52 Adam Okay, and by the way, you know, you picture this dude, he's just friends. He's such great friends with her for over these years.

1:29:01 Drew Right.

1:29:02 Adam What do you think they were talking about? You know, I mean, like, I talk to Mara for four minutes. I got an ass fall. I'm done. Do you know what I'm saying? What do you think they were talking about? This guy wanted in her pants the entire time.

1:29:15 Drew Standard. And this is the same swarmy guy that would a month into his marriage go for it because now she's ready.

1:29:21 Adam The guy, yeah, the guy's four weeks into, he's a newlywed and he's finally in the pants of the chick. He's been trying to get in the pants of such great friends.

1:29:30 Unwritten Law What happened?

1:29:31 Adam Mara, this guy's an a-hole. Don't trust him.

1:29:34 Drew Oh, yes.

1:29:35 Adam Get a little therapy, baby. You got stuff to sort. Get a lot, a lot, a dump truck. No, a barge. You know those trash barges? One of those full of therapy.

1:29:45 Drew Yes.

1:29:45 Adam Thank you. We'll be back.

1:29:48 Caller Hello? Is this Loveline?

1:29:49 Caller Call 1-800-LOVE-191. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

1:30:31 Adam It's Loveline, Wade and PK are both here from Unwritten Law. Elvis is the name of the CD. It is out on the 29th. A couple of people have been on hold for a real long period of time, so let's see if we can get to them real fast. Danielle?

1:30:45 Caller Hello?

1:30:46 Adam You missed your period?

1:30:48 Caller Yes.

1:30:49 Adam Your pregnancy test came up negative?

1:30:52 Caller Yes, I took two just to make sure, and they both came up negative, but I'm always pretty accurate. I get my period like once a month on the same day.

1:31:03 Drew Any medication?

1:31:05 Caller I got sick and I was taking amoxicillin.

1:31:08 Drew There you go. Next time you'll be all right. Next period, you'll probably be okay.

1:31:12 Adam So that screwed it up.

1:31:13 Drew That probably just screwed it up. All right. She could still be pregnant, she had to take another test.

1:31:16 Adam Well, she took two tests.

1:31:18 Drew Okay.

1:31:18 Adam That seems like enough. Let's talk to Miko.

1:31:22 Caller Hi.

1:31:23 Adam You're 16?

1:31:24 Caller Yeah.

1:31:25 Adam Your parents are abusive?

1:31:27 Caller Emotionally, yes.

1:31:28 Adam What do they do?

1:31:31 Caller They're very, very controlling. They check her. Like I have siblings.

1:31:37 Drew Eight siblings? You have eight siblings?

1:31:40 Caller No. I have a sister and a brother, and then I have another sister that doesn't live here anymore.

1:31:46 Adam Okay. I thought she said that too. And what do they do?

1:31:50 Caller They go to our email, and it's like something we aren't allowed to argue against. It's just a given rule.

1:31:57 Adam Okay.

1:31:57 Caller And we aren't allowed to wear what we want, and they don't mean like really extreme things. I mean like at all.

1:32:03 Adam Right.

1:32:03 Caller And make up, haircuts.

1:32:06 Adam Whether they have a nationality or a religion or something?

1:32:10 Caller Oh, religion, yes.

1:32:12 Adam Taliban?

1:32:13 Caller We all have to be.

1:32:16 Adam What are they?

1:32:18 Caller My dad's Baptist and my step mom is a Presbyterian Reverend. God apparently hates me.

1:32:25 Unwritten Law Want to join my band?

1:32:27 Caller My dad is one of the church elders.

1:32:30 Adam That's hell.

1:32:31 Caller Yeah, I'm pretty sure you know all the higher powers are plotting against me.

1:32:35 Adam Well, listen, babe, I'm sorry you had these two nut jobs bring me into the world, but here's the deal. You should be highly motivated to just, all you can do, you got two nut jobs, you're not going to be able to talk them out of it. You just get your braids up and you go far, far away to college. You get into drugs, you become a lesbian.

1:32:54 Caller I'm bisexual.

1:32:55 Adam There you go. That's my point.

1:32:57 Caller There you go.

1:32:58 Adam That's right. You'll show them.

1:33:01 Caller I honestly did not do it on purpose.

1:33:03 Adam No, I know. That's what it feels like. I know. I know. Listen, hey, beat me with the Bible, I'll go down on a check. Have fun, dad. Does he know?

1:33:12 Caller Well, it gets worse.

1:33:14 Drew It gets worse?

1:33:15 Caller I'm Hispanic, depressive, and I did self-mutilation for about two and a half years.

1:33:23 Adam Okay, baby.

1:33:24 Drew Will they let you be treated?

1:33:24 Caller They knew about it for a year and a half. The only thing they did was make me wear long-sleeved shirts.

1:33:29 Adam Did you tell your dad you're bisexual? Does he know about this yet?

1:33:33 Caller No, I'm not going to tell them until I'm 18.

1:33:35 Adam Soon, yeah.

1:33:35 Caller Once I'm out, but I need to run away from home because they're making me very depressed.

1:33:41 Drew Running away never makes things better, just it doesn't.

1:33:45 Adam No, but talk to a school counselor.

1:33:47 Drew Do get treatment, make sure you get treatment. They don't let you call Child Protective Services. You have your right to be able to have treatment.

1:33:54 Adam Talk to a school counselor and start there. We'll be back.

1:33:57 Unwritten Law Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me.

1:33:59 Caller So what's up?

1:34:00 Unwritten Law So I was like you and I used to think that these datelines were totally cheesy. Why can't I meet anybody?

1:34:03 Caller But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell? So I called the dateline and actually met a cool guy.

1:34:07 Caller I called the dateline and I hooked up with some cool people.

1:34:09 Caller Believe it or not, other normal people are out there looking too.

1:34:12 Drew 877-889-DATE.

1:34:15 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:34:17 Adam We'll be right back. All right. Well, where did the time go? I want to thank Pete Kane-Wade for coming in here from Unwritten Law. 29th is when Elva comes out, and they're going to be everywhere, so go find them. Thanks, guys.

1:35:08 Unwritten Law Thank you very much. Have a good time, guys.

1:35:09 Adam Always a good time with Unwritten Law. Until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:35:14 Caller Excuse me. Excuse you.

1:35:19 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, January 22, 2002