Episode 1000754886736

0:55 Voiceover Get an adult audience. Listener discretion is advised.

1:08 Voiceover Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:14 Voiceover Hey, Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Happy Martin Luther King Day.

1:24 Drew You know, radio interrupting our conversation yet again.

1:27 Adam Yeah, we're having a very spirited conversation about shaving cream before the mics heated up. And we're not going to dedicate the night to Martin Luther King, because we rarely dedicate the night to anything. But I did have an experience this weekend that I wanted to relate to the listeners.

1:48 Drew What happened?

1:49 Adam There's a good sign of what I would call race relations in this fair city, state, and country of ours. I was told that the Supercross race this weekend, the Supercross race, you're not going to find any more white people than out at Anaheim in Southern California at a Supercross race.

2:11 Drew Interesting. I talked to a couple of patients this morning who were still hung over. I didn't realize. Yeah, I didn't realize there was such a ritual of intoxication plus Supercross.

2:19 Adam Yeah.

2:20 Drew Yeah. Apparently that's some sort of requisite.

2:22 Adam Folks like to booze it up pretty good over there. And there's 45,000 people at the Edison Field or the Big A's. We used to know it. And the 45,000, I'd say 13 black people and that's security. I'd say seriously, I mean, it's just one of these things. You'd find more blacks at the opera than you would at the Supercross race. Just doesn't exist. It's not out there. They've never been a black writer. I don't think. I never close your eyes. Besides, there will be. There will be. But I'll calm down. Drew thinking, what can I say? What's the right thing to say?

3:06 Drew No, not the right thing. The reason I haven't heard one is because there hasn't been one yet.

3:10 Adam Well, no, but if you remember in the movie Earthquake, the guy Richard Roundtree rode a stunt dirt bike. Remember that? Did the loop the loop? Yeah, that's the only time I've seen a black guy on a dirt bike. But the point is, is there is one black writer, and he rides in the 125 class, which is just under the 250s. It's kind of the minor leagues. It's the 250s, kind of the big event. The 125 guys ride that for a few years and make their way up if they're any good. This guy is a 17-year-old phenom, and he's the Tiger Woods of Supercross. Except for this guy is not half Asian. He's just pure black. And he seems like a nice enough guy, a young kid, 17 years old, and he's a good rider. And in the 125 main event, this guy started by getting the whole shot, as they say. He was out front. They basically, they all line up. They got about 22 riders, and they all take off when the gate drops, and they all funnel into one corner, and it's a little bit hectic, as you could imagine, after a 400-foot straightaway. And this guy was in the lead, but wiped out right on that first corner when all the traffic hit and went down. Well, he got back up, and he was in last place, because everyone had gone past him. And this guy weaved or wove his way through the path, and he was basically passing a rider or two each lap. It was a, I don't know, 15, 16-lap race. It's tough to pass. I mean, you know, if you can make up two or three positions, you're doing pretty good. Well, this guy, you know, halfway into it, had made his way to, you know, 10th, 11th place out of the 22 riders, and in the crowd, 45,000 white people, and not just, you know, these aren't what you call left-wing liberal folks at these things. It's just a bunch of F-250 pickup trucks with lift kits and, you know, gun racks and bumper stickers that say, God Guts and Guns Made This Country Free and Sierra Club Take a Hike to Hell. I mean, these guys, this is as much redneck as you got in Southern California, wouldn't you say, Drew? Yes, you've not been there, but yes.

5:31 Drew Make no mistake about it, we got tons of redneck in here.

5:35 Adam Yeah, in Southern California, but not so much in Los Angeles, Orange County. This is the cream of the Orange County redneck crop, okay?

5:47 Drew Imported redneck.

5:48 Adam If anyone was going to be racist, it would be these people. Not many Democrats are, like I said, left-wing types in this group. The crowd is going nuts for this guy. Each time he passes somebody, and with each lap, and as he gets closer to the front of the pack, the crowd is going more and more crazy. Well, he basically runs out of time and gets second. Had there been another lap or two, the way this guy was going, he would have went from last to first, which is pretty well unheard of. And the guy was a good racer. Now, he was the only black guy who's ever been in Supercross, as far as I know, and certainly the only black guy out on the track with 21 other white racers. And the entire crowd of 45,000 white people was going nuts for this guy. And when he got up on the podium at the end, he got second place, and he got a louder ovation than the guy who got first place. And I thought, well, that's pretty good. I mean, that's not, I know there's a lot of talk of racism in this country and how it's still so prevalent and it still exists. But I'll tell you, if you're out at the Supercross Race Saturday night, you would have seen that things have come quite a ways. And I'll bet you 30 years ago, this guy would have been dodging sniper shots out there rather than having an entire 45,000 group of white people cheering him on. So I thought that was a very telling point. And it's the kind of thing I wish the Al Sharptons and the Jesse Jacks's of the world would experience or open themselves to experience, would be a better way to put it. I'm not sure about the blacks, right? JD.?

7:24 Yeah.

7:25 Adam Year 22?

7:26 Yeah.

7:27 Adam What's up?

7:28 Okay. When I was born, at least is what I was told, the reason I say that is I've never even had my blood taken. I'm never sick. But when I was born, I supposedly had a hernia and it caused one of the boys, I guess, not to grow, right? And one of them is about, I said, my left one's probably five times the size of my right one.

7:55 Drew You're talking about your testes?

7:56 Yeah.

7:57 Yeah. Yeah.

7:58 Oh, yeah. By the way, Adam, I don't care what people say. You're one of the most brilliant people in this world.

8:04 Adam Well, no, that's what they say.

8:05 Drew Even though everyone says you're an idiot.

8:09 Adam Thanks, JD. But that seems to be the general consensus. Thank you.

8:13 Anyway, and so I was wondering, you know what? I was also told that my chances of testicular cancer were higher.

8:23 Drew Who told you that? Who told you that?

8:28 When I was getting my physical exam for football back when I was like 14, I guess when I was like six or seven, the doctor actually thought I had cancer because my left one was so much bigger.

8:40 Drew All right. You're getting this all confused, JD. I think what they were telling you was that there's concern that you might have an undescended testy. That maybe the testy on that one side is still up inside.

8:50 No, it's there.

8:52 Drew All right. Well, that's the only thing that could put you at risk for cancer.

8:54 Huh.

8:55 Drew Okay. And the hernia itself does not do anything to your testy, though. Maybe.

8:59 What is that? I mean, I mean, it's just...

9:02 Drew In fact, I'd be suspicious that there's something growing in the other one. You have some sort of cyst or something. It's making it seem that much bigger.

9:09 Right.

9:09 Drew And you only need one anyway. You only need one.

9:13 Yeah, I was also going to ask, you know, I tried to get through before and I was going to ask what my, I guess, fertility, but I just had my first child in August, so that's not really a question. All right.

9:23 Drew But you got to check out whether or not that test is descended for sure. You should be seeing a doctor regularly in any event. And if the other one is bigger because of something in it, you should know about that. Maybe that's when it now has a hernia. Maybe there's a cystacy on there or something.

9:37 Adam Go to the doctor. This seems like a fairly easy thing for them to diagnose.

9:41 Drew And if it's a non-descended test, then they're right. There is a risk of cancer.

9:44 Adam I know guys have a certain amount of pride in that. They get on a roll. It's like, I'm 22. I've never even had a shot. It's like, all right, but your sack's falling off. You want to go on in? And by the way, 22, most people have an handy major surgery.

10:01 Drew That's right. That's right.

10:03 Adam Would you have your hip replaced at 19, gallbladder at 14, cataracts at, what, 11? No, you just sail through and then parts start breaking. It's like saying, I got a car. This car's got 1,400 miles on it. Never been to the shop. I know. It will. Don't worry.

10:21 Drew By the same token, people have the exact same thinking as they get older. And when they're 80 and they come in with their first, fill in the blank, I've had this car 150,000 miles, never had a problem. What do you think? How could there be a problem?

10:33 Adam I know. People are always, they're mystified by that. Yeah, now you got a prompt. That's how it works. Hey, when I was four years old, didn't have a cavity. What do you think of that?

10:47 Drew Wow, shocking.

10:48 Adam Yeah. Phil?

10:50 Yeah.

10:51 Adam You're 33?

10:52 Caller Yeah.

10:53 Adam What's up?

10:54 Caller How are you doing?

10:55 Adam Good. What's up?

10:57 Caller What is this?

10:58 Adam Hang on, Phil. Hold on. All right.

11:01 Drew All right, guys. Reorient Phil. Tara, talk to Phil. Get him oriented. Time, place.

11:07 Adam Amber?

11:08 Drew Ask him who the president is.

11:10 Adam Amber, you're 13.

11:11 Caller Yeah.

11:12 Adam What's on in the background there, baby?

11:14 Caller Sorry, it's radio.

11:16 Adam That's all right. What's your question?

11:19 Caller About Crystal Meth, what does it do to you in, like, the long run? Like, I know that it can like kill you, but I mean, why?

11:27 Drew Yeah, it doesn't kill you. But it causes a fairly severe form of addiction and you don't have to be using the drug every day to be addicted. It's something that some very often people only use three, four times a week, and yet they can't stop, and that's the feature of addiction. And in spite of not stopping, increasing things happen to them as a result of their drug use. Most prominently, you get mood disturbances, memory difficulty, funny thinking, you get kind of paranoid, you start picking at your skin. It can be a real mess, you lose weight, then you can get heart problems and strokes and other things. Over the long haul, the thing that we worry about most is that it can create a kind of damage to the brain that's very similar to what ecstasy does. It tends to damage the part of the brain that's responsible for sustaining your mood and memory.

12:08 Adam Why? What are you doing, Amber? Not you, Drew.

12:12 Caller Like, what am I doing? Like, what?

12:14 Adam You're doing drugs?

12:15 Yes.

12:16 Adam Yeah, I'm talking about your question. You're doing, you're doing speed?

12:20 Yeah.

12:21 Adam Why?

12:22 Caller Um, I don't know. My whole family does it really, and then I just got into it.

12:27 Adam Really? The whole family?

12:29 Caller Well, yeah, basically, yeah, pretty much.

12:31 Adam Well, all right. I mean, I see the fa- You know, there's a long history of that, certain tradition. Well, certain times the guys, you know, father's a tailor or a moil, and they end up getting into that, too.

12:43 Caller Yeah.

12:43 Adam It's almost like a family line.

12:45 Yeah, I've done just about every drug there is to do.

12:48 Drew All right, Amber, why not get a little help? This is a bad, you're on a bad trajectory.

12:54 Caller I mean, like, who could I get help from so that, it's like I don't want my family to know, but I mean...

13:00 Adam What do you mean? Everyone does speed.

13:03 Caller Well, not my mom. My mom and my grandparents and my dad and people like that.

13:08 Adam Oh, they don't do it?

13:10 Caller Not that I knew of. I know that my brother and his friends and then my uncle, they did.

13:14 Adam Well, that's not really your whole family. It's pretty much your brother.

13:17 Caller Yeah, my brother and my uncle and just their friends.

13:21 Adam How much time do you spend with your uncle?

13:24 Caller Not a lot anymore. I'm trying to quit.

13:26 Drew How old is he?

13:29 Caller 28.

13:30 Drew Remember the call we had? You didn't call here before, did you?

13:33 Caller No.

13:33 Drew Remember the call with the weird uncle with the bathing suit girl?

13:36 Adam Yeah.

13:36 Drew Oh my God.

13:37 Adam I love that call. All right, Amber, you don't think you could stop if you stopped? I've been trying. Okay. All right.

13:48 Drew Why don't you just... 13.

13:51 Adam You haven't done any in how long?

13:53 A couple of days since like Thursday or Friday.

13:57 Adam All right. I know this sounds naïve, but I don't know, 13. Aren't you a little more elastic or something? Like you've stopped. You can't just continue stopping.

14:06 Drew Interestingly, they are. The brain does function differently.

14:09 Adam I know. Well, you know why? Because when you're off something for a week, it's like being off something for a year when you're our age. Maybe ten years.

14:17 Drew They tend not to have much withdrawal either, which is easier to stop.

14:20 Adam But Amber, we think you can do this.

14:23 Caller I want to try. I mean, I'll look like 19 or 20. And I've done about every drive there is to do.

14:30 Adam OK, well, that's that's done. That was in your youth.

14:33 Drew You checked that off.

14:34 Adam Now you're 30, you're ripe old age of 13. It's time to act like an adult. Yeah. OK, yeah. So Drew, what do you want to tell her? You got some place for her to go or something?

14:45 Drew I mean, she really needs to look into like an outpatient adolescent chemical dependency program. They're they're they're around. Sometimes I'll meet once a week. It's hard to find a 12 step program that will really suit a 13 year old.

14:55 Adam Really?

14:56 Drew So it needs to be a really a group that's just for.

14:58 Adam What about like an Al-Anon type situation?

15:02 Drew Yeah, Alateen. But that's for not for drug use, though. That's for dealing with your parents or drug users.

15:08 Adam Well, there's elements of that.

15:10 Drew Yeah, you could go to Alateen. You might find people there.

15:12 Adam But what about Al-Uncle?

15:16 Drew No, I really think she had. And I'm trying to figure out how to refer her to do this. She needs to like check with her school. How motivated is she to do this, though?

15:24 Adam Well, I don't know. I mean, she kind of stopped. I mean, it's only been, you know, three or four days.

15:29 Drew But this is, somebody at 13 that's doing that many drugs, it's a bad sign. It is a precedent that's not going to stop. It suggests somebody that's going to have a lot of drug use and a lot of character problems going up if they don't do something now.

15:43 Adam Okay. Talk to a counselor at school?

15:45 Drew Yeah, start a counselor at school and then let them refer you.

15:47 Adam Okay. Is it freezing in here?

15:49 Drew It's for three nights in a row.

15:51 Adam I know, but now it's really cold. It's colder. My mic is freezing. It's hurting my dainty hands. I never complain about it being cold in here, but it is cold.

16:00 Drew You've got like a ski cap on.

16:02 Adam And a sweater, and it's cold. I would be wearing socks, except for I'm too lazy.

16:07 Drew Except you never do.

16:08 Adam Well, the thing is, is, you know, why put on socks at 9.15 in the evening when you're only going to take them off at 1.30 in the evening? That's my thinking. Ooh, Drew with the muck locks.

16:19 Drew Ugg boots.

16:20 Adam I got to get some of them. Where'd you get those? I got to get some.

16:24 Drew Ugg boots.

16:25 Adam I got to get some. Phil.

16:27 Drew Then you go to our socks feels great.

16:29 Adam Yeah. Phil, you're 33. What's up?

16:31 Caller Hey, I met this girl and she's married and we just got to talk about some problems. I heard her husband was having and got to like in one another and I don't want to break up their marriage. But then again, I don't want to stop talking to her. You know, that what if it doesn't work out for them?

16:49 Drew Translate Adam, please.

16:51 Adam Where did you meet her?

16:54 Drew You know, he won't.

16:55 Caller We don't work together, but a place she used to work at. My job kind of made me go there quite a bit. So we found a lot of time to talk.

17:04 Drew What do you do?

17:07 Caller I drive a truck and move cars.

17:10 Adam You transport cars?

17:11 Caller Yeah.

17:12 Adam You drive one of those trucks that holds like ten or twelve cars on it.

17:17 Drew She's one of those dispatch women at the reception desk.

17:21 Adam It's just funny when you're driving around cars, you know, it's an interesting gig.

17:25 Caller Oh yeah.

17:25 Adam Yeah, I like that. I always look up at them. You know what I like now? They put all that protective sticky film on everything. It never used to do that. But sticks, stuff like that.

17:36 Caller They have a chemical on there and they go to the sticky film.

17:40 Adam Oh, cars used to have a chemical on them?

17:42 Caller Yeah. When they... Cosmoline.

17:45 Adam What do you mean, like a clear chemical?

17:47 Caller Kind of like a fingernail polish for nails, yeah.

17:49 Adam You mean like the clear stuff? And would they remove it when they sold it at the dealer?

17:55 Caller Yeah, when it got prepped and detailed.

17:57 Drew Geez, why?

17:58 Adam So they would transport the car with this sort of clear film on it that was just good enough to protect it to be transported. Then they would wash it off.

18:07 Drew Why not just leave it on?

18:09 Adam Well, because it's not probably not... It's not like a clear coat. It's not sturdy enough. It's not that process.

18:13 Caller It's just a temporary coat. It's all of this.

18:16 Adam Yeah. How long... When did they start doing that?

18:19 Caller Oh, it's been a few years since they changed it.

18:22 Adam Okay. And then have they been doing that clear coat thing for 20 years before that?

18:27 Caller I'm not sure about how long, but it's been a while.

18:30 Adam Been a while.

18:31 Caller Yeah, quite a while.

18:32 Adam Like since the 70s?

18:37 Caller At least back when I was 16.

18:39 Adam All right.

18:40 Caller You know, I ain't that far back.

18:42 Drew All right. So, Phil, never get a good answer. I know. You're in love with this or you're sort of in lust with this woman that you met when you delivered cars. She has a husband. She's sort of grooming you for her bullpen to bring you on to the mound when the husband, she finally gets, has had an asshole of him and ready to kick him out.

19:01 Caller That's the way it looks, but we both don't feel that way.

19:04 Adam Well, what's your situation, Phil?

19:07 Caller Well, I'm single and like I said, and it ain't lust. I do like her a lot.

19:13 Drew I really care about her and how long have you known her for?

19:16 Adam Um, since this past summer, she got some kids.

19:21 Caller She's got one. Yeah.

19:22 Drew Have you dated really with her?

19:24 Adam No, we know we haven't. We haven't went out. Do you think she's interested in you?

19:29 Caller Oh, yeah. We've talked hours and hours.

19:33 Adam And how old is she?

19:35 Caller She's almost 25.

19:37 Adam And how long has she been married?

19:41 Caller About three years.

19:42 Adam Is she looking to get out or is she just restless?

19:46 Caller She actually said she'd rather her marriage work, but it doesn't look like it's gonna because the way he acts, he doesn't act like he's interested anymore.

19:55 Drew What's the problem?

19:58 Caller I didn't want her to go into detail with all of that. She just basically said, you don't act like he used to act, you don't show that he loves her or cares like he used to. All right.

20:05 Drew Well, what do you want to do? All right.

20:07 Adam Let's get himself in a position for her to say that to him in four years.

20:10 Drew That's nice.

20:11 Caller No, no.

20:13 Adam We get along great.

20:14 Caller I could see us married and she said the same thing.

20:16 Drew What do you want to do? Phil, what do you want to do?

20:17 Adam I don't know. That's what I'm saying.

20:19 Caller I don't want to stop talking to her, but yet I feel that while I'm there, it's making it more difficult for her to maybe fix her marriage.

20:25 Adam Look, all you can do is you can use the Dr. Drew method, which is, you can tell her you're interested in her. She already knows that. But you can tell her she's married. That's an obligation in a situation that you have no part of. And then you back off.

20:42 Drew It's torture to both of you to do it differently. It's unhealthy for her marriage. Give her some time to try to give it a good shot and leave your phone number and let her know you're available when things do or don't work out.

20:54 Adam I bet she calls within six weeks.

20:57 Caller Well, we tried that once and we called within two days.

21:01 Adam No, but I mean, she can't call until she's extricated herself from this relationship.

21:07 Drew When she's done with the marriage, if that's the direction she goes, then you're available.

21:11 Adam You tell her when she when she backs that miata off of his rig and is free to hit the open road, then it's time to give Big Phil a call. Say that I put that in language you can understand. That's what's called metaphor, Drew.

21:25 Drew Nice. You see open road metaphor.

21:28 Adam Well, the truck being a metaphor for the confines of a relationship and the miata that's traveling on the back of the truck, giving a metaphor for a free and emancipated woman.

21:38 Drew Female, yes, of course.

21:39 Adam You see what I'm saying? Yeah, perfect. And symbolically, when she pulls away from that truck.

21:44 Drew From that truck, onto his truck.

21:46 Adam An open road, and she can get onto his truck. Where then she can then begin the complaining process all over about how he's not fulfilling her.

21:54 Drew And start grooming her bullpen elsewhere.

21:56 Adam I guarantee that is gonna happen. Okay. Well, Phil, if you're really not interested in breaking up a marriage and you got to do that. And also, you're a 33 year old guy, you're single. You got a C-bean, a big rig, and one of those hot plates that plugs into the cigarette lighter. You should be able to find somebody.

22:16 Drew You were just smitten with that. The hot plate in the cigarette lighter.

22:20 Adam Well, whenever I would drive to Vegas, I'd stop at this truck stop.

22:23 Drew The sandwich maker, right?

22:24 Adam The sandwich, there was something called the sandwich maker. They got everything you plug into those cigarette lighters. They got fans and hot plates and coffee makers and tea warmers and they got everything. Everything but something that goes on your penis. Oh, that would be the smart, and that would be the seller.

22:42 Drew I'm certain these guys will figure that one out.

22:43 All right.

22:46 Adam Well, there was one called the sandwich maker and I was interested in that. I wanna know if it made sandwiches. I pictured a small Asian man inside of this box who would whip up a sandwich for you.

22:57 Drew Great. Mrs. Livingston.

22:59 Adam Yeah. All right. Let's think she might be addicted to shoplifting. That's not good.

23:06 Drew It's kind of timely.

23:07 Adam That's no. It is?

23:08 Drew Winona Ryder.

23:11 Adam She got caught ripping something off at Barneys of New York like nine months ago. She had her trial or something, I guess, now. But I don't know. I wouldn't call that an epidemic, is it?

23:24 Drew No, no, no. It's just something that's been in the press a little bit.

23:27 Adam Well, Drew, I'd like to talk to somebody else. I don't deem that a problem.

23:31 Yeah.

23:34 Adam When we come back, we're going to talk to Matt? No? No, we'll talk to our mystery caller, our special mystery caller, after this.

23:56 Caller This is Love Line on 94.7 NRK. Love Line with Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla on 94.7 NRK.

24:18 Adam Yo, Love Line in the Hizzee. That's an honor for the great Dr. Martin Luther King. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Who's coming up here, Drew?

24:35 Drew Unwritten Law and then the cast of that 80s show, Jeremy Graff, Joe Rogan.

24:40 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, when was Unwritten Law in here last?

24:45 Drew Not that long ago, was it?

24:47 Adam No, I don't think so. Six months, Anderson says, Sean?

24:53 Yeah, Adam.

24:53 Adam You're 22?

24:55 Caller Yes, sir.

24:55 Adam What's shaking?

24:56 Caller Not much, man. I'm kind of have a little dilemma here.

25:00 Drew All righty.

25:00 Caller Me and my girlfriend kind of got together under circumstances where she thought I was a virgin. I don't know where. Well, she got the idea from me.

25:09 Drew Right. I don't know where she got it. Well, I told her. Right.

25:12 Caller Yeah. And it's been what? Seven months now and things are working out real good. And I think I might love her. So I don't know if I should finally come clean and tell her that I wasn't a virgin or it was she a virgin? Yeah, she was.

25:25 Adam Well, how is she going to find out?

25:28 Well, see, that's what I've always heard.

25:30 Caller Honesty was the best policy.

25:31 Drew How old is she?

25:32 Caller She's 19.

25:34 Adam No, not useless honesty. This is useless.

25:39 Caller This is useless.

25:40 Adam Yeah, that's it. It makes it has no bearing.

25:43 Caller I'm just scared. Like maybe we run into an ex-girlfriend or down the line.

25:47 Adam How many? Look, how many ex-girlfriends did you have?

25:51 Caller Well, they're not all girlfriends that I slept with, but about eight.

25:54 Adam You slept with a, you know, you didn't sleep with eight. You had eight girlfriends.

26:02 Drew How many did you sleep with?

26:04 Caller How many girls have I slept with?

26:05 Drew Yeah.

26:06 I slept with eight girls.

26:07 Adam Oh, you slept with eight girls.

26:08 Caller Yeah, but they all weren't girlfriends. Some of them were kind of one night stands.

26:12 Adam Okay. You're not going to see any of them.

26:15 Drew What made you lie to your current girlfriend?

26:17 Caller Well, it was kind of like the whole plan. Like when we were at a party, I told girls that I was a virgin, that way I could hook up that night. And believe it or not, I mean, it works real well. I mean, that's like four out of the eight times happened because of that lie.

26:33 Adam That's almost 50 percent.

26:35 Yeah, I mean, that's not bad.

26:36 That's good enough to get me in the Hall of Fame.

26:38 Drew Did that happen with this girl?

26:40 Caller No, actually, she did.

26:42 Adam Who cares? Do you really care? Sean's just kind of an idiot.

26:47 I don't want to talk to him.

26:49 Caller He's an idiot.

26:50 Adam Just who cares? He goes around lying to girls, tells them he's a virgin. He's got four out of eight times. That's enough to get him in the Hall of Fame.

26:59 Drew Yeah, that's why I was over the top.

27:00 Adam And who cares? So either he tells her or he doesn't. Do you care?

27:06 Drew It's better if he does.

27:07 Adam Why?

27:08 Drew Because it's uncomfortable living a lie. It's not a good... Why?

27:12 Adam If you're Sean, Sean doesn't have anything inside of him. He doesn't... He's bothered by a lie as a lizard is.

27:19 Drew I can't argue with you.

27:21 Adam Okay. So who cares? Heather?

27:25 Yeah.

27:25 Adam You're 17?

27:26 Caller Hi.

27:27 Adam What's up?

27:27 Caller I love your show. I will listen to it every night.

27:30 Adam Well, we enjoy your work as well. Thank you.

27:34 Caller Okay. Well, I think I'm addicted to taking things.

27:37 Caller I can't stop at all.

27:41 Adam You steal?

27:42 Caller Yeah, I do.

27:43 Like what?

27:44 Caller Clothes, food, makeup, jewelry.

27:47 Drew Have you been caught?

27:48 Twice.

27:50 Adam What kind of food do you steal?

27:53 Caller Like really expensive sushi.

27:55 Adam How do you steal sushi?

27:57 Caller You just do.

27:58 I don't know.

27:59 Adam All right.

27:59 Drew You know, Heather, usually in my experience, this is you put on all I'm done with her too. No, come on. Let me talk to her. Listen, how do you steal sushi?

28:10 Adam You just do. That's an unacceptable answer to me. I thought, how does one steal sushi is a fairly legitimate question.

28:20 Drew I think she's talking about sushi. It's packaged specially.

28:24 Adam Well, see, that's where the problem comes because I'm picturing her going to a sushi bar and cutting out.

28:28 Drew Yeah.

28:29 Adam What do you think? It's a package variety like when you go in the upscale market, go to the back, you get a California roll.

28:36 Drew Exactly.

28:38 Adam But it's not dine and dash like we used to do.

28:40 Drew No, that's not fun.

28:42 Adam That's not stealing.

28:43 Drew No.

28:44 Adam Heather, how did you steal the sushi?

28:47 Caller It's just in the supermarket. You know, they have the little like pre-packaged containers.

28:51 Adam Drew's right.

28:52 Drew There we go. Heather, in my experience, in particular the way you're describing this, this usually is part of someone who's dealing with an addiction to something or coming off of something, hmm?

29:08 Caller Not really, actually.

29:09 Caller I mean, like drugs and alcohol?

29:11 Caller Yeah.

29:13 Caller I smoke cigarettes and I drink and smoke pot every once in a while, but it's not like crazy addiction.

29:20 Adam Do you stuff the sushi down your pants to get out of there?

29:23 Caller Girls have bags, Adam.

29:25 Adam Oh, you put them. Yeah. Because I can picture like some, I'm not going to say anything. No, you, Bert, you talk to her. No, bitch smells like yellowtail.

29:39 Oh, okay.

29:41 Adam Oh, yeah, Macro.

29:42 Drew So, I, Oh, my God.

29:45 Adam You just drop it in the purse and people, people don't, you know, are you an attractive white female?

29:53 Caller Yeah, kind of.

29:54 Adam You probably slide under the radar at a lot of these places.

29:58 Caller Yeah.

29:59 Adam But the clothes, I know women do steal clothes.

30:02 Caller But I feel bad, like, but I can't help it. Like I'm in there and I'm like, yes, no, yeah.

30:06 Caller And I can't not.

30:07 Drew Why do you think you do this?

30:09 Caller I don't know. It's just like satisfaction. I like feel really good when I'm wearing something new. Like I like just wear clothes once and I like don't want to wear them again.

30:17 Caller And I just want to get like new clothes.

30:18 Caller I don't even know.

30:19 Adam Do you do you have money? Do your parents have money?

30:22 Caller Yeah, that's like the worst part about it.

30:25 Drew Is it part of the thrill of stealing?

30:27 Adam Oh, yeah.

30:27 Caller Because like in the beginning, it was like, oh, my God, I can't believe I just did that. And now I like walk out with like $500 with the stuff.

30:33 Caller And it's like, no, it doesn't even faze me anymore.

30:36 Adam Yeah, I was going to say, you know, when you do that, you know who pays for it. We do the other people. But then I realized I don't buy clothes. So I've got to take all you want. Burn the store down. I don't care.

30:47 Drew No drugs either.

30:49 Adam Well, I think we drink and smoke and weed, smoke and cigarettes. She's 17. She's dabbling.

30:56 Caller It's typical party life. Come on now.

30:58 Drew Yes, I just think there's something more here.

31:01 Adam Well, let me get it, Drew. Let me weigh in here. You know what the vibe I get from Heather? And interestingly enough, her name is Heather because it was I was thinking of that movie, Heather's, with all those just hot looking rich chicks who didn't have anything to do with their lives. So they had to sort of infuse some excitement into it.

31:20 Drew Strangely, with Winona Ryder in it.

31:22 Adam Heather, yes, very good point, Drew. See, we always come full circle and tie everything up on this show. Heather sounds to me, I'm picturing some Deb type. Yeah, father makes a good money, but good money, but is never around.

31:38 Drew It's an FU to somebody.

31:40 Adam She's bored and she's restless and she wants to be naughty. And she wants a little FU to daddy.

31:45 Drew I know I get all that too.

31:46 Adam It was like an attorney at the office too much.

31:49 Caller Or a police chief or something.

31:52 Adam But here's what I'm saying. Everything in her life is taking care of. She's not worried about eating. She's not worried about money for clothes, for food, for cars and stuff. So she's trying to interject some excitement into her dull life and some resentment.

32:07 Drew Yeah, I bet you. I get like sex addicts and something like an addiction going on here.

32:15 Adam She said cigarettes, booze and weed. She's 17. What do you want her? That is not that's not enough addiction.

32:21 Drew It's getting going. It's usually. Yeah, I think this is all part of the whole thing. Getting going with addiction. Heather, are you sexually active to Heather?

32:28 Caller Yeah.

32:29 Drew Do you have lots of partners?

32:30 Caller No, I just have a boyfriend.

32:32 Drew And have you had multiple partners in the past?

32:34 Caller No.

32:35 Adam What's your dad do for a living?

32:37 Caller He's an insurance agent.

32:39 Adam Does he not pay enough attention to you?

32:41 Drew No, he insures stores against stealing.

32:44 Caller I live with my dad.

32:45 Adam You do.

32:45 Drew Where's your mom?

32:47 Caller I see her a lot, too, but they're divorced.

32:49 Caller They had a divorce when I was young.

32:50 Drew But how has you ended up with your dad?

32:52 Caller I chose to.

32:53 Caller I used to switch off week to week.

32:55 Drew So what is up with your mom?

32:58 Caller I don't know.

32:58 Caller I think my dad, it was kind of a personal choice. Like usually into my life, I like sports and stuff. So it is like he always gave me rides to school and stuff. So it was like easier and he would have gotten lonely because my mom is like remarried.

33:12 Drew Is he a drinker himself?

33:15 Caller He was an alcoholic before I was born. All right.

33:18 Drew Okay. But I think Heather, I bet on this that you inherited that genetics. This just smacks of that to me. And that's why it's so rewarding to you to do these thrilling behaviors. Forget the dynamics that Adam, I agree with what Adam brought, that's sort of the reason. But the fact that it is something so compelling to you is how your brain is made up. And this is a way of managing feelings, a way of feeling good about oneself when one needs arousal in order to feel good.

33:42 Adam Well, what should she do?

33:43 Drew When one feels empty.

33:45 Adam Well, maybe she should.

33:47 Drew Man, these are hard things to do.

33:48 Adam Heather, why don't you rent that movie Scared Straight? Where those guys...

33:52 Drew With the eyeballs that pop out.

33:53 Adam My other tribute to, you know, since it is Martin Luther King, yeah, 700 pound black guys are screaming at you, give me your mother f-ing shoes, give me your shoes, give me them.

34:05 Caller Not so proud now, are you? Don't you eyeball me. You eyeball me, son? Here's my eyeball.

34:14 Adam That's right. You know what goes on in the joint? You know what happened to my eye? You know what happened? You know this eye came out?

34:23 Drew Adam, you're 300-Mount Black Man. Sounds like Tommy Vue.

34:26 Adam Playing Parcheesi. Got through the dice. One of them got in a scratchy corner and got infected.

34:32 Caller But it could have been a shiv.

34:37 Adam Yeah, we had a wreck hall.

34:39 Caller It's pretty nice.

34:39 Adam We got cable now. You're riding here.

34:43 Caller Let me tell you, the only law in here is the law of the jungle.

34:46 Adam Only strong survive in all those other cliches.

34:50 Caller Give me your shoes. What are you doing with all those condoms?

34:54 Adam You sell to friends?

34:59 Drew Every ethnicity distills down to Tommy Boofer.

35:02 Caller You crying boy. You crying.

35:05 Adam You miss your mama, don't you? There's no mama in the joint. Only aunts and grandmothers.

35:16 Caller Yeah.

35:16 Adam Do you think she should rent Scared Straight?

35:17 Drew Yeah. It almost feels empty to give her recommendation because I know she's not going to do anything.

35:24 Adam Well, tell her what you should tell her.

35:26 Drew Until the consequences are so severe that she has to do something. And then meantime, her marijuana addiction is going to evolve.

35:32 Adam I'll give her a little Scared Straight. Heather?

35:34 Caller Yeah. You lily ass, you lily white ass wouldn't last 10 seconds in the joint. I'll break you down like a shotgun, bitch. What? To try.

35:48 Adam Huh? Yeah. All right. That's enough.

35:50 Drew Heather, do you want to do something about this?

35:53 Adam Yeah.

35:53 Drew Heather?

35:53 Adam Yeah.

35:54 Drew Heather?

35:54 Adam Yeah.

35:55 Caller Yeah. I have huge breast.

36:01 Adam That's Minka.

36:02 Drew Oh, it's Minka. They're all the same. All your all your ethnic type.

36:06 Caller Well, how much? How much?

36:07 Drew Minka.

36:09 Adam All right. Put Tommy Boo and Minka in the same room and tell me how much they vary.

36:15 Drew And and the pharmacist and they're all the same.

36:18 Caller They're all the same.

36:19 Drew Black guy prisoner.

36:21 Adam No, the black guy. That's different. Well, how dare you question my range. I was going to answer my blame back to back. So Drew knows what's going on here.

36:32 Drew All right. Tommy Boo.

36:34 Caller I have huge breath and I'm skinny. I'm not fat.

36:36 Drew Minka. OK.

36:37 Adam Here we go.

36:38 Caller What are you doing with all those kind of you sell to friends?

36:41 Drew Pharmacist. How about Tommy Boo? You do it, Tommy.

36:44 Adam It's a stereotypical Asian. What do you want? How much range do you think I have?

36:49 Drew The black guy with the eyeballs out of the same.

36:51 Adam How dare you? That was different.

36:57 Drew All right. But Heather, this is good. I would strongly urge you to see some about this. You're going to end up like Winona Ryder getting busted and being in a world of unhappiness. This is the beginning of a successful actress. This is the beginning of a process that is progressive. This is not going to get worse. And it's only until the consequences are profound that you would be likely to be willing to do something about this.

37:22 Adam You don't want to end up dating male models and living in extravagant houses up on the hill and going to parties with losing all that with power brokers. Sean, you're 14.

37:35 Caller Hey, you guys are really going to play the Adam Boogie.

37:38 Caller Oh, yeah.

37:40 Drew Anderson, it's not.

37:41 Adam It's not called the Adam Boogie.

37:43 Caller Yeah.

37:43 Adam Oh, you haven't?

37:44 Drew The Adam Boogie.

37:45 Adam It's not called the Adam Boogie.

37:46 Caller Oh, it's not?

37:47 Adam Or maybe it is.

37:48 Drew I don't know.

37:49 Adam I don't know what we call it.

37:51 Drew You guys want to hear it? Yeah.

37:52 Adam Millionaire.

37:52 Drew Millionaire.

37:53 Adam That's called Millionaire. Right. Well, Sean, we'll play it after the break. OK. You got a question, though? Yeah, I got two, actually. With the short and long term effects of mushrooms. Is that two questions, the short and the long?

38:06 No, I got one other than that, too.

38:07 Drew What's the other?

38:09 Caller Well, can you ask the first one?

38:12 Adam OK. Mushrooms get you really high, and long term, they don't really know.

38:16 Drew Long term? Yeah, we don't really know.

38:18 Caller It's like for five days.

38:20 Drew No, no, that's something else. Then it's triggered something.

38:23 Adam You just get really high for like eight hours.

38:25 Drew If you have any kind of a locked in syndrome, that's a bad sign.

38:28 Caller I meant the negative.

38:30 Adam Well, the negative is your side hurts because you were laughing your ass off watching infomercials all night.

38:37 Drew I imagine you could trigger panic attacks and anxiety. Yeah. Are you having panic attacks?

38:41 Caller Well, I haven't like, I'm just like wondering like if I should do them.

38:46 Adam Well, here's the problem, Sean. You're 14 years old. You're getting into hallucinogens. No, no, no. Wait a little while. That's the kind of stuff you're supposed to do in college kind of thing.

38:57 Caller Like a month or?

38:58 Drew No, your brain is growing rapidly until at least 16. And the exposure to these kinds of drugs can, we believe, substantially impair its growth.

39:08 Adam All right. What's number two?

39:12 Caller Well, I have an asshole.

39:15 Adam Yeah, it was funny. He had kind of that... Drew, didn't they, when you were speaking to Sean, you didn't get kind of that jack-off gene going?

39:24 Drew Oh, definitely.

39:25 Adam Like sort of hair in the back of your neck, standing up.

39:27 Drew Absolutely.

39:28 Adam You know, like, I don't want to talk to this guy, feeling.

39:31 Drew Yeah.

39:31 Adam All right.

39:32 Isn't that all our callers want?

39:34 Drew Tonight.

39:34 Adam That's about 65 to 70 percent of them. But Sean, I don't know, Drew, you know what the tone is to that 14 year old guy?

39:43 Drew The jack-off guy?

39:44 Adam Yeah, that tone. It's a cocky tone that immediately rubs you the wrong way.

39:48 Drew Yeah.

39:49 Adam They remind me. It's sort of, although I love this individual, it reminds me of the guy from the computer commercial. You seen this young kid that got this whole campaign? Is it Dell? Yeah. He's standing there talking about Mrs. So-and-so, you should buy the Dell for your son because they all sound like him. Except for this guy is sort of the nicer brother. They're the evil twin of this guy.

40:16 Drew Yes.

40:18 Adam Thank you.

40:18 Drew But this guy, but these guys also seem so like they're like disrespectful, not hostile, but inappropriate.

40:26 Adam You don't like them? Okay. We'll take a little break.

40:29 Drew We'll come back.

40:31 Adam And we'll. Oh, Ed is calling in from Monterey as a sandwich maker, plugs into his truck cigarette lighter. We're going to finally get to the bottom of that one and we'll hear the.

40:44 Drew Millionaire.

40:45 Adam Millionaire, the Adam shuffle after this.

40:51 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready.

40:59 Caller Loveline on 94.7 NRK.

41:02 Caller We'll be right back in a minute.

41:32 Adam Yeah, that's Drew. I'm Adam. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Oh, shut up, you idiot. All right. Come on, Ace. You can't slam the music off. I expect me to have to stop. All righty. Geez, I'd like to take these headphones and line them with fur so I could wear them like earmuffs and warm my ass up in here. It is freezing in this studio. When we left off, we were going to talk to Ed. We're also going to hear the I'm a Millionaire. Is that what we're calling the Adam Boogie? Millionaire.

42:14 Drew All right. Let's hear it. I have not heard it yet.

42:16 Adam Not heard it yet. Okay. This is the Millionaire, Adam Boogie. I'm gonna say something amazingly profound right now.

42:38 Drew My boyfriend literally...

42:42 Caller Why?

42:43 Caller All you screwed up people.

42:45 Adam You can't articulate yourself any better than that.

42:53 Drew Oh, come on.

42:54 Oh, no.

43:16 Caller I mean, because that's all the world is.

43:24 Adam I'm the smartest of all the blue collar guys, and I'm stupid. The point is, if I can do it, anyone can do it.

43:33 Drew My boyfriend is literally a billionaire.

43:36 Adam Yeah.

43:37 Drew Oh my God.

43:39 Adam Yep, that's me. Anderson did it.

43:42 Drew Oh my God, that is funny.

43:44 Adam Yeah, it's a talent that Anderson spent the whole weekend on it. Oh, you weren't here when it aired.

43:50 Caller No.

43:51 Adam He's an idiot. You weren't even on the phone? Where were you?

43:55 Drew I was in South America.

43:56 Adam Oh, yeah. Good times. All right, let's speak to Ed.

44:02 Caller Yes.

44:03 Adam Ed is 40. Ed, do you drive a truck?

44:05 Caller Yes, I do.

44:06 Adam And you have that sandwich maker I've seen at the truck stops?

44:10 Caller Well, actually, I'm sitting at a truck stop right now holding one in my hand because I've been listening to you for about a year and you seem to lose a lot of sleep over it.

44:18 Adam I do. Now, I'm picturing this thing is sort of a hot plate with a top and a bottom on it, like where you'd make a grilled cheese.

44:26 Caller Right. It's basically a cross between a waffle maker and remember when you go camping, they have those sandwich presses that you use over the fire.

44:35 Adam Yeah.

44:36 Caller It's a cross between those two items.

44:38 Adam Nice. And good for grilled cheese. Maybe put a do a Reuben type sandwich in there.

44:44 Caller Basically.

44:45 Adam That's nice. So what else have they got that plugs into the cigarette lighter?

44:48 Caller Oh, my God. Anything you can have. They have frying pans and sauce pans and coffee pots and heating pads and food warmers.

44:56 Adam Nothing for the penis, though. No.

44:59 Caller You could probably use a heating pad for that, though, huh?

45:02 Adam Yeah. I guess in a pinch.

45:04 Caller Especially with how cold it is over there for you guys tonight.

45:07 Adam Oh, yeah. It's rough. I mean, it's twice as bad as it is out on the road, I'm sure. And what kind of rig do you drive?

45:14 Caller I drive a Freightliner Conventional.

45:17 Adam Eighteen Wheeler?

45:18 Caller Eighteen Wheeler.

45:18 Adam And do you have that big sleeper compartment in the back?

45:21 Caller That's right.

45:23 Adam Is it roomy enough up there to get some sleep?

45:25 Caller The newer ones have basically they're dual bunks. You have a bunk on the top and one on the bottom. Wow. About the size of a twin size mattress.

45:33 Drew Do you have a partner that you drive with?

45:35 Nah.

45:36 Adam Well, Jesus.

45:39 Drew You just pull over the side of the road and sleep.

45:41 Yeah.

45:41 Adam And how does that work? Are you worried? Is it lock up pretty good?

45:45 Caller Yeah. You try to find places that are safe to park.

45:48 Drew Wouldn't it make sense to get a partner and just cover twice the territory?

45:51 Adam Well, then you got to split the money.

45:53 Drew Yeah, but you're working double time.

45:54 Caller No, these guys make less money that way.

45:56 Adam Yeah. They just get themselves, you know, they take some speed and they hit the road for 19 hours straight.

46:02 Caller With a partner, you end up driving less miles than you would solo because, like you say, you split it in half, but because there's two of you, you got more.

46:10 Adam Well, it's after about nine hours of me telling high school football stories, the guy just jumped out the window. Man, who do you talk to, though? That's going sane.

46:18 Caller NPR and Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla.

46:21 Adam All right. Hey, do you got that satellite radio?

46:24 Caller No, I was looking at that truck stop while I was here, though. It's not so expensive, though. I know, but you know, how about buying me one?

46:30 Adam All right. For every trucker, I will get one of those. I got one for Jimmy. He likes it. It's pretty cool. You get 100 stations. All right. Let's talk to Tom, who's 13. Tom?

46:44 Caller Hello?

46:45 Adam What's up?

46:47 Um, wow.

46:50 Caller I'm on the air.

46:50 Drew You are, Tom.

46:51 Caller Yes.

46:52 Drew Yes.

46:52 Caller OK. I don't masturbate, I guess, what you would call normally. I can't get off any other way than like humping a chair or something.

47:04 Adam Don't believe him.

47:06 Caller Well, I'm not lying.

47:07 Drew No, I kind of do. Let's see. You mean...

47:11 Adam What kind of chair?

47:13 Caller Well, I have a chair right in front of my computer, so, you know, I'm surfing the net. It's a, you know, it's a pretty padded chair.

47:21 Drew You mean like you put yourself between the pads of the chair and the... is that what you mean? Or you just row up against it?

47:28 Caller It's like an office-type chair.

47:30 Drew We got to go to break. Hold on a second. Hold on, Tom.

47:33 Adam Oh, it's an office chair. Well, now I can see him raping it.

47:37 Caller Yeah. Oh.

47:40 Adam I thought he meant like an electric chair.

47:43 Drew Oh, well, then.

47:44 Adam I didn't know.

47:45 Caller Hmm.

47:47 Adam Well, now it's all making sense. Because I'm sitting in an office chair and I have an erection.

47:51 Drew Oh.

47:52 Adam All right. When we come back, we'll try to figure out how Tom works it on this office chair of his after this.

48:00 Caller Here it is. Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

48:03 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects. Call the Dateline.

48:08 Caller 1-877-889-DATE.

48:13 Caller Love Line will be right back, so get your problems ready. Ready.

48:59 Adam That was a yawn that I turned into some excitement, Drew. Oh, now Drew's yawnin'.

49:04 Drew Here, help him.

49:05 Adam Love Line, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Tom.

49:13 Drew Tom Hums office chairs.

49:15 Adam He's 13. He does not masturbate using his hand. He uses things like chairs, like when he gets on the computer and looks at them.

49:25 Drew That was a nice sound. Thank you.

49:26 Adam He looks at things. Yeah. Now we're asking him how he helps that office chair.

49:32 Drew Tom.

49:33 Adam Tom.

49:33 Caller Hello.

49:34 Adam How do you do that?

49:35 Drew Just rub up against it.

49:37 Adam Don't help him.

49:37 Caller Basically.

49:38 Adam Oh, Drew. Why do you have to do that, Drew?

49:41 Drew Just ask him.

49:42 Adam Why? I'm saying to him, explain to us how you do this.

49:46 Drew You know what?

49:46 Adam And then you slide in and say you just rub up against it. And he goes, yeah, basically. Because now we're done.

49:51 Drew Because you know how our callers are.

49:53 Caller No, I know how you are.

49:55 Adam I want to know how he does this.

49:57 Drew All right.

49:58 Adam Rub up against it doesn't mean anything to me.

50:01 Caller Well, you can tilt the back so that it's almost a flat slope with the seat. And basically, you just turn around and hump the chair, you know, rub up and down.

50:17 Adam You lay on it after it's reclined? Yeah, forward, facing forward.

50:23 Caller No, then the back is too high, but sideways to the monitor of the computer.

50:29 Adam Are you on your belly?

50:31 Drew You happy now?

50:32 Caller Yeah.

50:32 Adam You're on your belly. Damien, demonstrate on the piece of office furniture here.

50:38 Drew Here's the chair.

50:38 Adam Phone screener Damien has the chair. Oh, he's putting, you're going in backside.

50:42 Drew No, no.

50:42 Adam No. Damien, put your dork in a pencil sharpener.

50:49 Ow.

50:51 Adam Okay. So, Drew was right. I have no idea what you're doing to this chair. But why don't you start getting used to your hand because you can't take that chair camping.

51:01 Caller Well, I've never been able to have an orgasm before with my hand.

51:07 Adam Okay. Well, you're 13.

51:09 Drew How many times have you done it with a chair?

51:11 Caller A lot.

51:12 Adam A lot.

51:12 Caller Okay. I must read like once a day.

51:15 Adam On the chair?

51:15 Yeah.

51:16 Adam Who else uses that chair?

51:20 Caller Just me.

51:21 Adam Just you?

51:22 Yeah.

51:22 Adam Okay. The chair must be a mess.

51:26 Caller No.

51:26 Adam It must look like a cupcake when you're done with it.

51:29 Caller No. Okay.

51:31 Adam All right. Well, start using your hand. Let's go ahead.

51:34 Drew Problem solved. You're releasing him to use the hand.

51:37 Adam Well, here's what I'm saying. At 13, I remember when I was just getting started. You have no technique. You don't know what to do. And here's the danger. You ever see those people that tie their shoes a weird way?

51:49 Drew Because you get in that habit.

51:50 Adam My dad does this. He ties his shoe in a really retarded way. Only the Corollas could figure out a way, a slow way to tie a shoe. He actually kills time tying a shoe. But he does this thing where he makes the loop and he like threads the other side through. He doesn't do it in a normal way. Now the guy has been doing it for 70 years this way. He's probably lost 5 years of his life tying his shoes. Although he probably wears slippers these days. The point is... That's you. Oh, that's me. Once you get going on something, it's hard to get off it. So start working the hand in. Find a lotion you like. Sarah?

52:25 Caller Yeah.

52:26 Adam You're 24.

52:27 Caller Yes.

52:28 Adam What's up?

52:30 Caller My boyfriend and I broke up this summer. I'm just kind of having a hard time dealing with it.

52:38 Drew How long were you dating him?

52:39 Caller Two and a half years.

52:40 Drew Was it a long distance relationship?

52:42 Caller Yeah.

52:43 Drew Over what period of that two years was it long distance? Whole time?

52:49 Caller Most of it, actually.

52:50 Drew How far away did he live?

52:51 Caller London.

52:53 Drew How often did you see him?

52:56 Caller Average about every four to six months.

52:59 Drew That's not a relationship.

53:00 Adam So you've missed him twice so far.

53:03 Drew Yeah. That's not a relationship, Sarah. Why do you let something like that obsess you?

53:08 Caller I don't know.

53:10 Adam Well, maybe you're depressed.

53:12 Caller Yeah.

53:12 Drew Oh, yeah.

53:13 Adam Yeah. Well, did he break up with you?

53:17 Drew Well, there was no relationship. Did he even have to break up? Did he?

53:24 Adam Maybe he broke up with you six months before you knew it.

53:27 Caller Maybe.

53:29 Adam I know. How did you meet this guy?

53:33 Caller It was just sort of a chance thing, I guess.

53:36 Drew On the Web?

53:37 Caller Yeah.

53:39 Adam Why is it we can never get an answer? How did you meet this guy who lives in London?

53:44 Drew A chance thing.

53:45 Adam Just a chance thing. Oh, yes. When I close my eyes, I now have a vivid and graphic picture of how you guys met. Internet, huh?

53:53 Caller Yeah.

53:53 Adam How old is he?

53:55 Caller He's 19, going to be 20 pretty soon.

53:58 Adam You're 24. That's too young.

54:00 Caller Yeah, I know. It's not like a big surprise. It's over. It's just...

54:04 Adam Well, what's up, baby? What's gone wrong with your life, that you're dating teenagers who live in the UK?

54:10 Drew You're fat.

54:11 Adam Oh, oh, yeah. True. It's true, right? Are you a little bit overweight? Yeah. Yeah. And so you've gone abroad to London, where they don't care as much about that stuff. How about, how about, you know, is this a good time to focus on you, Sarah? You know, diet, lose a little weight, get some exercise, do a little better at your job? See if you can attract some guys stateside.

54:37 Drew What do you do for a living, Sarah?

54:39 Caller I'm a sales assistant.

54:41 Adam Okay. How's work going?

54:43 Caller Just fine.

54:44 Adam Are you living out of the house?

54:46 Caller Yeah.

54:47 Adam You have a roommate?

54:49 Caller No.

54:49 Adam Do you have any friends?

54:52 Caller Um, yeah, I've got friends.

54:55 Drew Do you date, meet any guys?

54:56 Caller No.

54:57 Adam No, she's depressed because she doesn't think she's going to find anybody else.

55:01 Caller I don't want to.

55:03 Adam Well, you're you're in love with Nigel?

55:05 Caller No.

55:07 Adam Well, why don't you want to meet anybody else?

55:11 Caller I'm not sure. I just.

55:13 Adam Well, you're depressed.

55:15 Drew All right. Sarah, also, you have some problem with intimacy that you could get. You could fall in love with someone that you don't have a relationship with. And then as a result of that, not working out in some sort of idealized fantasy, condemn all relationships. I don't want any relationships. I can't stand this.

55:30 Adam I'm picturing the kid from HR. Puff and Stuff.

55:33 Caller No.

55:34 Drew With the flute.

55:35 Adam Yeah. Freddy, the magical flute. Do you look like that kid?

55:38 Caller No.

55:39 Adam How about Davy Jones from The Monkeys? Did he look like that?

55:42 Caller No.

55:44 Adam I'm out of guesses.

55:45 Caller He was about 5'8.

55:49 Adam All right.

55:50 Caller Dark hair, blue eyes.

55:51 Adam Dark hair, page boy?

55:53 Caller No, blonde hair, blue eyes.

55:54 Adam Oh, okay. Well, he was 19. Way too young for a sophisticated woman like yourself. So Sarah.

56:01 Caller Yeah.

56:02 Adam How much overweight are you?

56:05 Caller Quite a bit.

56:05 Adam Well, what are you?

56:07 Caller I don't know. It's been a long time since I've actually been weighed.

56:11 Adam Well, let's say 250.

56:12 Caller Yeah.

56:13 Adam Damn, bitch. That's not me. I mean, that's me. But oh, she can't hear that. Anderson, can they never hear it?

56:22 Caller They usually can't. I just decided to not.

56:23 Adam Oh, okay. Interesting. Hey, Sarah. What? All right. You know what you need to do? You need to exercise and you need to not wallow in your own misery. You need to you need to get out. You need to start taking walks and you need to move a little.

56:38 Drew There's something very, very wrong with your...

56:41 Adam And you're depressed.

56:43 Drew Yeah, you're depressed and there's something very wrong with your sense of yourself in relationships.

56:46 Adam And it's not about this guy. It's about you. So what can you do? I don't know. Well, you're going to have to pull yourself up and get going. Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't want to sound like, you know, I'm an instructor at a fat camp or something, but I use all those cliches about pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps and all that. But you're a depressed person.

57:10 Caller Well, you love fat camp, don't you?

57:12 Drew Lardos, you need to find a way to would be good at that, to to establish real connections with people who actually care about you. You need some real relationships and using their support. Then you need to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and do some things, make some change, take some risk.

57:30 Adam But you can't pull yourself up by the bootstraps if you're 300 pounds. You can't do it by yourself. The straps will break. You got to start moving. I know what it's like. Drew, you've been depressed. What would you say you've been depressed? 48 out of your 47 years?

57:47 Drew No, about 20.

57:49 Adam Right. And you want to do nothing. You want to eat and watch TV. And the only thing that makes you feel better is the thing you want to do the least, which is get up and move.

58:00 Drew I remember at one point when I was trying to make decisions about things, I was looking up at a wall, like a brick wall that went to infinity. Couldn't see the top of it. And I had to just go one brick at a time and just start to cry in the climate.

58:12 Adam Oh, I think you're actually looking at a wall.

58:14 Drew One brick.

58:15 Adam I see.

58:15 Drew Just start out.

58:16 Adam Well, look, I know it sounds like trite and cliche, but you just got to start moving and sweating and doing. Just start doing stuff. And forget about this 19-year-old from the UK, for Christ's sake. Sam, you're 44.

58:33 Caller Yes.

58:34 Adam What's up?

58:37 Caller I'm just kind of curious about an addictive personality and where you go from there. I mean, my entire life, I think I've been addicted to one thing or another. Though I'm not a sleazebag or anything. I have maintained a job. I have a home. I have kids. But it's like everything I do, I get addicted to. I mean, whether it be cocaine, I probably snorted more cocaine than most people see in their life. And I survived that. I passed that.

59:02 Adam Then I go, wait a minute, what if you saw like Scarface like six times?

59:08 Caller Okay, well, maybe not as much as Scarface, but real close.

59:12 Drew You just transfer over to something else. That's not passing that. That's just cross addicting.

59:16 Caller Even if it's gambling. I mean, now, no matter what it is.

59:19 Drew Yeah, well, it's not a personality. It's a biology. And unless you have that biology treated, it progresses.

59:26 Caller What do you mean by biology?

59:27 Drew It's the addiction is a disorder of the reward centers in the brain. And it's a genetic predisposition that once you sort of throw the switch on those primitive cells in that reward system, they perpetuate a drive that grows with time. And it's a part of your brain that does not have logic, does not have reason. It's outside of your conscious influence entirely. It just creates drive. And it also anticipates a certain level of reward. And the longer you're exposed to these things, the higher the level of reward that part of the brain requires.

59:57 Adam Drew, I don't think she understood anything you just said. Do you think she did?

1:00:02 Caller I don't know.

1:00:03 Adam Sam?

1:00:04 Caller Yes?

1:00:05 Adam Sam the female? Did you understand what Drew was saying?

1:00:09 Caller Yeah, I understood completely. But how do you stop it? I mean, how do you stop it?

1:00:12 Drew You get treatment. You get treated. You've had this disease your whole life. It's going to take quite some time to undo it. You've got to go somewhere and get treated.

1:00:20 Caller You mean go see a psychologist?

1:00:22 Caller No.

1:00:22 Drew I mean go to a Comprehensive Chemical Dependency Program.

1:00:25 Adam Why? She's not hooked on anything now. Is she?

1:00:27 Caller Well, yeah, I am. I'm, yes. Of course she is. Now I'm doing methamphetamine, you know, the same thing.

1:00:35 Drew You have to be treated. It will not stop without treatment.

1:00:38 Adam Close your eyes. Can you see Sam? You have kids?

1:00:42 Caller Yes.

1:00:43 Adam How old are they?

1:00:44 Caller But I'm a good mother. That's just it. I mean, I do this really secretly. I mean, no, I'm kidding you.

1:00:50 Adam As opposed to who? Medusa?

1:00:53 Caller No, no, I'm not kidding. I belong to the PTA.

1:00:56 Caller The whole works.

1:00:56 Caller I mean, believe me, I have this all down to the science.

1:01:00 Drew Sam, I know you feel like it's secretive, but it's just two sentences into this phone call. We knew you're an addict.

1:01:06 Caller Really?

1:01:07 Adam Yeah. All right, baby. So how are your kids? Are your kids doing okay?

1:01:11 Caller My kids are great.

1:01:12 Adam All right.

1:01:13 Caller They really are. They're great. They're Ace students.

1:01:16 Adam All right. Real quick, real quick. What are their names? Fast. Come on.

1:01:20 Caller I'm not going to tell you that.

1:01:21 Adam All right. You don't know, do you?

1:01:22 Caller No.

1:01:23 Adam You know one of them, but you don't know the other one.

1:01:26 Caller No. All right. Maybe I don't.

1:01:27 Adam You know you're called the one blondie.

1:01:29 Caller No, I'm not a blondie.

1:01:31 Adam No, not you. You're a kid.

1:01:33 Caller Oh, what does that mean?

1:01:35 Adam Okay, baby. You lose your sense of humor when you get high a lot too, don't you?

1:01:39 Caller No, I didn't.

1:01:40 Adam That sounds like Fred Sanford. All right, baby. You got to get into some treatment now. You can't be doing a bunch of speed and trying to raise kids. All right. Yeah. Where's your husband?

1:01:58 Caller He's at home.

1:02:01 Adam He's home?

1:02:02 Caller Yeah.

1:02:02 Adam Okay. You guys doing okay?

1:02:04 Caller Yeah.

1:02:05 Adam What's he into?

1:02:06 Caller What is he into? Well, he does. I mean, he does a few things, but he's not like crazy or nothing. We are crazy for doing it. That's what I'm saying. It's just I know that it's a dead end.

1:02:18 Adam Yeah. He's an addict, too. Look, your kids are being smoked pot.

1:02:23 Drew He's beer and marijuana.

1:02:24 Adam Your kids are being raised by a couple of addicts. Come on. That's horrible. You got to get some help now.

1:02:31 Drew Do something about that.

1:02:31 Adam Yeah. You're 44. What do you want to get high? You've been getting high for 30 years. That's not enough?

1:02:38 Caller Yeah, it is enough.

1:02:39 Adam You think 30 years are getting high? You haven't got your fill? Come on, baby. It's time to grow up. They have 44 years young. That's a good one. Yeah. So you got to get into a program now. You got to get serious about this, Sam.

1:02:55 Caller So where do you find these programs? What do you call them?

1:03:00 Drew Chemical dependency treatment center. Just call local hospital and ask if they have chemical dependency treatment. And you want to be on a comprehensive program.

1:03:08 Adam How do you make it? I know it's amazing when you make it 44 years and you just never heard of anything. You don't know anything. I guess that's what drugs is, right?

1:03:17 Drew That's when you're just focused on drugs. Nothing else matters. You know, nothing else really gets in.

1:03:22 Adam So you're either high or you're focused on drugs or both.

1:03:27 Drew You're busy pursuing drugs, thinking about drugs.

1:03:30 Adam It's weird. It's like it's as if you're a gymnast in the former Soviet Union for 30 years and you never, you didn't know there was a man on the moon and you never heard of anything and everything's new. This is kind of an interesting way to go through life.

1:03:47 Drew It is as a workaholic. I can tell you, I missed those 10 years when I was working excessively.

1:03:52 Adam Yeah, but you're lucid at least, but you can absorb information.

1:03:57 Drew Now I can, but I still don't know what happened for those 10 years. That's what you can be asked about.

1:04:00 Adam Yeah, but the only thing she knows is how many grams are in an 8-ball.

1:04:04 Drew Right.

1:04:06 Adam Is that three and a half? And we never did figure out why they call them 8-balls if it's a gram. You know, if it's like three and a half grams.

1:04:14 Drew Eighth of an ounce.

1:04:15 Adam Oh, is it eighth of an ounce? Is it three and a half grams and a four grams?

1:04:19 Drew 24 ounces. 24 ounces. 24, I don't know.

1:04:22 Adam Figure this out.

1:04:23 Drew Yeah.

1:04:24 Caller Okay.

1:04:25 Adam Not every answer is in the dictionary.

1:04:27 Drew Let's see what this one is.

1:04:28 Adam Tracy?

1:04:29 Caller Yeah.

1:04:30 Adam You're 21?

1:04:31 Caller Yeah.

1:04:31 Adam What's up?

1:04:32 Caller I've got a problem with my relationships.

1:04:34 Adam All righty.

1:04:35 Caller Every time I start to date anybody and they get interested and semi-serious, I just drop them. And last year, in January, I got pregnant and the father, you know, he's not around anymore. And so basically I was single for a year. And I thought, you know, this problem would go away because I understood how it felt being lonely and needing somebody.

1:04:55 Drew But so you have the child? Yes.

1:04:57 Caller Yes. She's here with me right now.

1:04:59 Drew And so you need someone to help you with that child.

1:05:01 Caller No, no, I'm very sad. You know, I'm going to medical school. I'm about to go to medical school. I'm taking my prerequisites right now. So I need a man to support me. It's just, you know, I would like to have a mate, you know, and I started dating a guy in December, this December, and it's happening again. He's becoming less attractive and little things that he's doing is getting on my nerves. And obviously it's me.

1:05:25 Drew Yeah. You've got some real intimacy problems.

1:05:27 Caller Do you really think so?

1:05:28 Drew Yeah. Profound.

1:05:30 Adam I thought she was being sarcastic.

1:05:31 Drew Yeah, I didn't.

1:05:32 Adam I thought she said really think so.

1:05:33 Caller No, no, no. I'm being serious.

1:05:35 Adam No, I know you are. That's the scary part. Yeah, you do. You got intimacy problems.

1:05:40 Caller Yeah.

1:05:41 Drew Here's a book.

1:05:41 Adam You can't tolerate people tolerating you.

1:05:44 Caller Exactly.

1:05:44 Adam That's my problem.

1:05:45 Drew Here's a book for you called Dreams of Love and Faintful Encounters. Go read that book. It talks very nicely about how this is all put together in your brain.

1:05:55 Caller Can you read that title again?

1:05:56 Drew Dreams of Love and Faintful Encounters.

1:05:59 Caller Okay.

1:06:00 Drew And you read that and you're a smart person. It's a very accurate rendition of how your head works.

1:06:07 Caller Okay. So you think I could overcome this or something?

1:06:11 Drew The purpose of reading that book will be to convince you that you need to get some help.

1:06:15 Caller Okay. And this is what I go about getting home.

1:06:17 Drew Well, you're a student. I had to go to Student Health Services, Mental Health Services. This is probably issues of attachment.

1:06:25 Caller Yeah, because I had some extremely bad alcoholic parents.

1:06:29 Drew There you go.

1:06:29 Adam You're going to be a doctor?

1:06:31 Caller Yeah, hopefully.

1:06:32 Drew Not a nurse?

1:06:33 Caller I don't really want to be a nurse, but if I had to, I'd be an Oran.

1:06:36 Drew That was a joke for Adam.

1:06:37 Adam The only crazy broads are nurses.

1:06:39 Drew I don't know.

1:06:41 Adam Where are you going to school?

1:06:42 Caller UTA.

1:06:43 Adam All right. Can we go there? Yeah. All right. Good times there, baby. I was just thinking of Dee Dee Pfeiffer's husband.

1:06:58 Drew He's a dentist.

1:06:59 Adam Oh, no.

1:06:59 Drew Wait a minute.

1:07:00 Adam Oh, Jesus. Did I have to bite my tongue? There's nothing. Drew doesn't want any. Drew believes that now that he's a doctor, no one else can be one.

1:07:08 Drew No, it's not that.

1:07:08 Adam Yeah, that's what it is.

1:07:09 Drew No, it's not that.

1:07:10 Adam And I make fun of everyone who goes to junior college. And we're talking to Deedee Pfeiffer, and she was saying that her husband was such a normal guy, great guy, not in the industry. And I said, yeah, what did what's he do for a living? She goes, well, he's a dentist. Well, not quite a dentist, but just about. And Drew said, what was he going to? What was your question?

1:07:31 Drew I said, where's he going to dental school? Well, USC UCLA.

1:07:36 Adam He was going to junior college at the time. That was essentially I was as close to being a dentist as he was. And actually, yes, I think I think Damian was actually closer to being a dentist because he went to them. You own flaws? Yeah, I think you're closer. Oh, no, no. Interesting. So we didn't say anything, but you know, it's hard for me not to say something when I hear about junior college and she's a very nice woman and by all accounts, he seemed like a nice enough guy. But I just heard junior college and I almost had to say something. But I minded my P's and Q's.

1:08:13 Caller Hey, he hadn't fallen asleep yet, then?

1:08:15 Adam He hadn't fallen asleep yet on the sofa.

1:08:17 He was asleep for the second half.

1:08:19 Adam I know. I have a way of doing that to people. Martha, you're 18. You're a virgin.

1:08:27 Caller Yeah.

1:08:28 Adam Boyfriend is tired of trying to have sex with you.

1:08:31 Drew No, no. I'm not really tired.

1:08:34 Adam I mean, he tried to have sex with you. He's not tired of trying to convince you.

1:08:38 Drew He can't make it happen.

1:08:39 Caller I'm not. Like, we tried and it's like, I don't know, like we'll be to the point of it and we'll be like, you know, you know, close off everything going on. And then, you know, he'll be like almost going in there. And once he's about to like go through there, it's just like stop and get away from me.

1:09:01 Drew Have you had any sexual abuse or any trauma or anything that would make you freak out about that?

1:09:06 Caller Well, when I was 13, I guess I almost got raped by my own uncle.

1:09:11 Drew And that's nice. You deal with that at all? Do you have any treatment for that?

1:09:16 Caller Well, I really never like went to therapy for it or anything because I just like.

1:09:20 Drew Anything happened to you before that?

1:09:22 Caller No.

1:09:23 Drew You sure?

1:09:24 Caller Yeah.

1:09:24 Adam Well, other than being raised in a sort of environment where the uncle was going to have a pass at her at 13.

1:09:31 Drew Wow.

1:09:33 Adam What happened? How did it break up? How come he didn't rape you?

1:09:38 Caller Because I guess he was in drugs or something. I guess he was.

1:09:43 Drew But how did it not happen?

1:09:45 Caller He at the end, he had told me when I had all my clothes off and everything, he was like grabbing my legs and kissing me in my legs. And I guess he just like suddenly reacted and goes with he noticed he knew what he was doing and he just like. That there and right, he goes, Oh, put your clothes back on.

1:10:04 Adam Yeah, that happened to me. Yeah, let's just have it. Just give me a hand job. Does that he didn't settle for that?

1:10:11 Caller No.

1:10:11 Adam OK. Well, that's I don't know. Something something struck him. I guess that's good. That's a little weird.

1:10:18 Caller But that doesn't like I just like that happened to me when I was 13 and I just like put it off like I don't even think about it. But when I'm with my boyfriend, I just it doesn't come to my head.

1:10:28 Adam So it's like, you know, but it goes to your vagina.

1:10:30 Drew Right. It's still affecting you.

1:10:32 Caller Yeah, like enough. Like sometimes I feel bad because sometimes like when we'll be together, like I'll get it started. And it's like, I can't.

1:10:41 Drew All right.

1:10:42 Adam Are you using any birth control?

1:10:44 Caller Oh, no, no.

1:10:45 Drew Why not?

1:10:47 Caller Because I don't know, because I haven't really done anything yet.

1:10:51 Drew Or will you?

1:10:51 Adam You're going to.

1:10:52 Drew If you're going to, you better get on the pill, right? Or at least have the emergency contraceptive pill.

1:10:56 Caller Yeah, that's true. But I feel like, I don't know, it's weird. All right.

1:11:00 Drew You got to take it a month before you can actually be protected.

1:11:03 Caller Oh, I didn't know that.

1:11:04 Drew Yeah. So let's get on it. OK.

1:11:06 Adam Hey, baby. Oh, look, how long have you been with this guy?

1:11:09 Caller For six months. I've known him for a couple of years.

1:11:13 Adam Six months. OK. You love him?

1:11:17 Caller Too much.

1:11:18 Adam Too much?

1:11:19 Caller Yes.

1:11:19 Adam OK. But look, here's the plan. What are you doing right now? You in high school?

1:11:24 Caller No, I'm actually going to college.

1:11:26 Adam Junior college.

1:11:27 Caller Yeah.

1:11:27 Adam All right. That's not college. Oh, yes. What are you going to do? Go to that junior college for 14 years?

1:11:34 Caller No, I'm going to Bakersfield College right now. I'm going to go be a teacher for teachers, student development.

1:11:43 Adam All right. All right. All right. You won't be able to do any of that if this guy gets you pregnant.

1:11:48 Caller Oh, I know that.

1:11:49 Adam It will work out soon and you won't be prepared. So go down to Planned Parenthood. You're a smart girl. You're in college and you go get yourself some birth control, get that worked out. Then you just relax with the guy. I mean, you work into it. I'm sure Martha's seen a little chaos in her day with the crazy drugged up uncle and everything and God knows what else.

1:12:10 Drew Probably she really likes this guy. If he's a decent guy.

1:12:12 Adam She loves the guy.

1:12:13 Drew She can overcome this.

1:12:14 Adam And it's just a sort of familiarity. Once you get it down, you'll be fine. But again, birth control. Okay, we'll take ourselves a little break.

1:12:22 Caller We'll be back.

1:12:24 Caller Here it is.

1:12:24 Caller Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

1:12:27 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects. Call the Dateline.

1:12:32 Caller 1-877-889-DATE. Loveline.

1:12:37 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready.

1:13:13 Adam See that pumping out of my Ferraris, I pull out in front of the club with the target top stowed in the back. Chicks checking me out, leather jacket on, driving gloves perhaps, Tipperilla cigar coming out of my mouth, paparazzi snapping shots, jump out of the Ferrari Speed Racer style, slide across the hood and then it's right over the velvet rope. This way Mr. Corolla. A couple of hot supermodels have checked me out. They want to ride in the Ferrari.

1:14:06 Caller Huh?

1:14:06 Adam But I back them off a little bit.

1:14:08 Drew It says what? Oh, we're back on the air.

1:14:09 Caller OK.

1:14:11 Adam You didn't hear my story, Drew?

1:14:12 Drew No, I, yeah, I did. Oh, yeah. OK.

1:14:16 Adam Sometimes I don't think you're listening, you know?

1:14:19 Drew No, no, no, don't start it again, please.

1:14:22 Adam Michael?

1:14:23 Caller Hello.

1:14:23 Adam You're 23?

1:14:25 Caller Yeah, what's going on, guys?

1:14:26 Adam What's up?

1:14:27 Caller Man, I'm glad to finally get on the show. I've tried calling a lot and finally great to talk to you guys.

1:14:31 Adam Good to have you on.

1:14:33 Caller Just wanted to let you know, Adam, I love your comedy and Dr. Drew, I wish you were my doctor, man.

1:14:40 Adam Thank you.

1:14:41 Drew What's up there, buddy?

1:14:43 Caller Actually, I was just calling because a couple of reasons. Been having a problem with, I think, depression lately. Could be for a few reasons, not really too sure. But I have a bottle of Wellbutrin, about a month and a half supply that I was going to start taking. And I just want to get your thoughts on that, Dr. Drew.

1:15:03 Drew Well, depression is not, if you really are having a major depressive episode, it has about a 20% chance of being fatal. So if you take any other medical condition and say it's a one to five chance of dying from it, you're not going to run around treating yourself. These medications are actually very difficult to manage. There's no way you can assess them yourself whether or not they're having an adequate effect. You need an objective monitoring.

1:15:27 Adam Well, where did you get the Wellbutrin?

1:15:29 I actually got it. It was my brother's.

1:15:31 Caller But just kind of give you a background on it. About three and a half years ago, I started taking it to quit smoking. And it worked for a while, of course. I mean, I quit smoking for about four months, but eventually started. And about six months ago, I went to see my doctor. I was having problems with anxiety and he I was first taking Zoloft for a while, but I had just awful side effects. And that's why I just continued taking it. And he wanted to switch me to well buterin. I was a little wary about switching to another anti-depressant. I was a little concerned about the side effects. But, you know, from listening to the show, that's kind of one of the ones that you recommend, Dr. Drew.

1:16:12 Drew It doesn't have the sexual side effects. But if you're having a lot of if you're having a lot of anxiety, it's not necessarily the best one for you.

1:16:18 Adam Well, Drew, what if he took a pill in the morning?

1:16:21 Drew Well, I don't even know if he has depression.

1:16:23 Adam You understand?

1:16:24 Drew I mean, do you mean, is there anything else going on? You doing drugs or?

1:16:28 Caller Well, I mean, I have been on. And this is one of the other things that I was talking about. I've been taking narcotic painkillers for about three months.

1:16:36 Drew Forget it. Forget. Forget the antidepressants. Forget it.

1:16:39 Adam What are you saying? Forget it?

1:16:40 Drew Forget it. No way it's going to have any effect. You need to deal with that first.

1:16:45 Caller Yeah.

1:16:45 Drew Period.

1:16:46 Caller I'm actually about to start weaning off of it next week.

1:16:49 Drew Well, when you've been off it, you're in a recovery program, and you're six months, yeah, 60 days sober. If you're still having depression, you're still going to feel like just crap for 60 days. And you're going to feel an intense dysphoria, a depression that's profound. They usually will go away by itself, about 60 to 80 percent of the time.

1:17:06 Adam All right, buddy. Good luck.

1:17:07 Drew We're all behind you. You don't have depression at this point. At this point, all I know you have is opiate addiction. So we'll see if it actually turns out to be a depression.

1:17:15 Adam Terrell, yes. You're 30.

1:17:18 Caller Yes, I am.

1:17:21 Adam Yes, you have our eight ball answer.

1:17:23 Caller Yeah, because it's about the size of a golf ball.

1:17:26 Caller If you cut an ounce into eight pieces, the weight is three and a half grams.

1:17:32 Adam You're doing ball. You're doing blow right now.

1:17:34 Drew Terrell, his question was how many grams in an eighth of an ounce? Eight ball.

1:17:39 Caller Three point five.

1:17:41 Adam That's three and a half in a eight ball.

1:17:44 Caller That's right.

1:17:45 Adam And what is an eight ball? Is that an eighth?

1:17:47 Caller Yes, an eighth of an ounce.

1:17:48 Adam All right.

1:17:50 Drew Oh man, he's no stop. Maybe he sounds like he's really high.

1:17:53 Adam Terrell, are you doing blow now?

1:17:55 Caller No, I don't do blow.

1:17:56 Adam They just sell it?

1:17:58 Caller No, I can get it for you. All right.

1:18:00 Drew Speed.

1:18:00 Adam How much? What are you doing? What drugs are you doing?

1:18:03 Just smoke weed.

1:18:04 Adam Oh, OK.

1:18:04 Drew No speed.

1:18:05 Caller No.

1:18:06 Adam How much is how much is coke and a gram now?

1:18:10 Caller A gram.

1:18:11 About 40 bucks.

1:18:13 Adam Got to get into that mental note. Get into coke.

1:18:17 Caller No, I don't do coke.

1:18:18 I go to sleep.

1:18:20 Adam No. OK. What's going on with Terrell and his life, by the way? And Drew, stop throwing that pen. Terrell.

1:18:28 Caller Yes.

1:18:28 Adam What happened to your plan?

1:18:30 Caller My plan of life.

1:18:32 Drew Being a dentist.

1:18:33 Adam What's going on, buddy?

1:18:35 Caller I live in a small town where nothing happens.

1:18:37 Adam OK. Are you able to work?

1:18:39 Caller Oh, yeah, I work.

1:18:40 Adam All right.

1:18:41 Drew What do you do?

1:18:41 Caller I'm a cook.

1:18:42 Adam OK. What kind of what kind of cook?

1:18:44 Drew A lot of addiction.

1:18:45 Caller Short order cook.

1:18:47 Adam Short order? Yeah. That's a tough job, man. It is. Yeah. Does the time pass quickly or does it go slowly?

1:18:54 Caller Depends on if I'm busy or not.

1:18:56 Adam You're busy. It goes by pretty good.

1:18:57 Drew Yeah.

1:18:57 Caller If you're cooking burgers and flipping steaks all night, then yeah, it goes pretty fast.

1:19:01 Adam Yeah.

1:19:02 Drew You do that smoking pot every night?

1:19:04 As often as I can.

1:19:05 Adam Okay.

1:19:06 Caller Kind of mellow it out.

1:19:07 Adam Geez, I could go for a Denver omelet right about now.

1:19:10 Caller I don't do breakfast.

1:19:11 Adam Oh, you don't? No. I really want a Denver omelet. Yeah. You know, they should have an omelet named after California. Why don't other cities or states? Well, like LA omelet. You know, like...

1:19:25 Drew San Diego omelet.

1:19:26 Adam San Diego. Why does Denver get their own omelet? And then there's other ones. There's that kind of Southwest stuff, but that's just regions, you know? I think LA is a big enough city where we should have our own omelet.

1:19:41 Drew Doesn't roll off the tongue kind of nicely. I can see a Tucson omelet.

1:19:45 Adam Give me an LA omelet. LA omelet sounds like there'd be...

1:19:48 Drew Vegas omelet. That rolled.

1:19:51 Adam LA omelet would be like a syringe and a piece of shopping card in there. Like, that doesn't sound right, does it?

1:19:57 Drew It doesn't.

1:19:58 Adam Oh, well, what's in it? Well, one of those bean bags a SWAT team fires at a hostile crowd and a syringe. Oh, and Jack cheese. Go for that Denver omelet.

1:20:12 Drew Santa Barbara omelet?

1:20:13 Adam You know how I get my omelet, Drew? It's a hot tip for all you Loveline listeners to enjoy your omelet. You get them scrambled. It's nicer that way.

1:20:21 Drew As opposed to flipped?

1:20:22 Adam Yeah, flipped. Fliped, you kind of... You get that rubbery outside and then all the innards are sort of watery and in there. You get the whole thing scrambled together, much nicer, much more consistent.

1:20:35 Caller You know what I'm saying?

1:20:36 Adam Yeah. Hey, Drew, I'm trying to help.

1:20:39 Drew I'm hungry.

1:20:40 Caller I know.

1:20:41 Drew Dina?

1:20:41 Caller Yes. Hi, what's going on?

1:20:44 Caller Back in 94, when I was in college, I had Bell's palsy on the left side of my face. And they diagnosed it as like a sinus infection. But they didn't, I mean, doctors were bringing in medical books and reading them to me, which didn't make me feel very good.

1:20:58 Drew Yeah, Dina, there really is no definitive known cause of Bell's palsy. It's thought to be a virus.

1:21:04 Adam Is your face paralyzed or is it tick?

1:21:07 Drew No, it just goes out.

1:21:08 Caller But actually, on Friday, the right side of my face went paralyzed. The left side healed in six weeks back in 94. But on Friday, it happened again to the right side.

1:21:19 Drew Okay, I would urge you to see an infectious disease specialist.

1:21:22 Caller Okay, because I read on the Internet that they found like herpes simplex 1, may be the cause. So I don't get cold sores. Well, my face goes numb.

1:21:32 Drew There's a number of viruses, some of them varying degrees of seriousness that have been associated with recurrent cranial nerve palsies. And a facial nerve is one of the cranial nerves.

1:21:43 Caller Okay, so this is, you know, it's no fun, but...

1:21:45 Drew Yeah, there's something going on here.

1:21:47 Adam What do you look like when you have it?

1:21:49 Caller I look like Popeye because I try to smile when it's like halfway.

1:21:52 Adam Yeah, yeah. Couldn't you just, you know, form a piece of plastic you could put in your mouth to prop up the sagging side?

1:21:59 Caller That would help.

1:22:00 Drew Like Jack Nichols when he played the Joker or something? Yeah.

1:22:03 Adam Hey, you know what they say, though? I mean, this, you know, there's maybe you can make some lemonade out of the Bell's Palsy Lemons, but, you know, they say when people get like facial paralysis, they don't get the wrinkles. You know, they don't get all the crows feet and everything because they're not smiling or laughing, you know. All those wrinkles that are in your face are basically from you scrunching it up. Right. A little piece of notebook paper. If you just sit there, that's sort of all flat, drooling with that kind of, I can't control my bladder look.

1:22:37 Drew That's why you put that toxin, that Botox, toxin. Yeah.

1:22:41 Adam Yeah. It makes you can't move anything.

1:22:43 Drew That's right. Muscles are flaccid. But listen, there are disorders of bone that can cause the bone to grow in around the facial nerve, the growth hormones, creating tumors in the pituitary gland.

1:22:55 Adam Yeah.

1:22:56 Drew Their HIV has been associated with recurrent facial, you know, recurrent cranial nerve palsy. So this really needs a very thorough evaluation.

1:23:04 Adam Well, so get that. Yes?

1:23:06 Drew Yes.

1:23:07 Adam Okay. I wouldn't mind a little bit Bell's palsy. Give me an excuse, you know.

1:23:13 Drew For what?

1:23:14 Adam Not to work. People tell you stories and they want a reaction.

1:23:17 Drew No, you have to not work.

1:23:21 Caller All right.

1:23:21 Adam It couldn't work.

1:23:21 Drew You could work here. You could do radio, of course.

1:23:23 Adam I could do radio, but not TV.

1:23:25 Caller Why?

1:23:25 Adam I couldn't be the Bell's palsy guy.

1:23:27 Drew Remember Ralph Nader when he had that?

1:23:29 Adam No, I don't remember when Ralph Nader had that. Ralph Nader looks like he's had it since he was bar mitzvahed.

1:23:36 Caller All right.

1:23:36 Adam Let's say we got to take a break. But, Eric?

1:23:39 Yeah.

1:23:40 Adam You're twenty-three?

1:23:42 Yes.

1:23:42 Adam And your girlfriend's dad touched your penis?

1:23:47 Yeah.

1:23:48 Adam How did he do this?

1:23:49 Well, I just met him when we were leaving. And then as we were going out the door, he said, you know, have her back by midnight. And she kind of walked down the steps. You know, when I came out, I was being ready to walk out, and he turned around and just kind of, he didn't like grab it, grab it, but he just kind of tapped it and like kind of lifted up a little bit.

1:24:07 Drew I mean, I grabbed your nuts and said, you better take care of her.

1:24:10 Right. That's kind of how I took it. I don't know.

1:24:14 Drew You understand what I'm saying?

1:24:15 If you have issues or problems or what, I don't know.

1:24:17 Adam Well, wait a minute. You're saying, you're saying it wasn't a gay move, was a Godfather kind of move.

1:24:22 Drew It's like, yeah, it'll tear your nuts off if you make the wrong move.

1:24:26 Adam Interesting. Do you want to hear my Godfather impersonation?

1:24:35 Caller Why you buy all these condoms? You use enough for a whole regiment. You bad for business, round eye. Huh?

1:24:46 Adam Not bad.

1:24:55 Caller This is Ruffine on 94.7 NRK.

1:25:22 Adam Love in the love line. Oh, madam, that's true. Right back to the phones. Eric?

1:25:30 Caller Yeah.

1:25:30 Adam All right. So how long have you been dating this girl whose father touched your genitalia as you left to take her on a date?

1:25:39 Caller We've been dating about a month now.

1:25:40 Drew Was that the first time you'd met him?

1:25:43 Caller Yeah, that was the first time.

1:25:49 Drew You want to step with my daughter?

1:25:51 Caller No, he just kind of like reached over and like patted it and like just kind of lift it up a little bit. He didn't like grab it, grab it.

1:25:58 Drew Is he crazy?

1:26:00 Adam I don't know.

1:26:02 Caller He seemed like he was pretty straightforward.

1:26:04 Adam How is she doing? Is he married?

1:26:06 Caller Yeah, he's married.

1:26:07 Drew Either way, no matter what his intent is, seems like the kind of guy you want to stay away from.

1:26:11 Adam Just steer clear of him.

1:26:12 Drew No matter what.

1:26:13 Adam Focus on her.

1:26:14 Drew It just seems very inappropriate. No matter what his intent is.

1:26:18 Adam Right.

1:26:19 Drew Right.

1:26:20 Adam Yeah. Yeah. I think so. You want to hear my Joe Pesci from Raging Bull?

1:26:29 Drew I think I know how it's going to go.

1:26:30 Adam You ever heard my Joe Pesci? You ever see Raging Bull?

1:26:32 Caller Yeah.

1:26:33 Adam There was that...

1:26:35 Drew Hit Me Again.

1:26:36 Adam There's a scene where he was in there with De Niro. De Niro kept saying to hit him. He said he didn't want to hit him. That's the scene I'm going to do.

1:26:46 Caller Why do you buy all these condoms? What's wrong? How many penis you have? You have five penis? Pretty good, right?

1:26:58 Caller You gotta do the actual dialogue, though.

1:27:02 Drew He was looking up.

1:27:03 Adam Yeah, I can't remember how that goes.

1:27:05 Caller Why do you want me to hit you again? I can't hit you. I'm your brother.

1:27:13 Adam What you mean?

1:27:15 Caller Ow, don't hit me. Take that. I hit you. See how you like it now. I cut you open.

1:27:24 Adam Yeah, that something like that. Yeah, I have to get the actual dialogue there. I'm going to do later on, I'll do my Tony Montana. I'll do my Scarface.

1:27:33 Drew Forrest Gump.

1:27:37 Adam Forrest Gump.

1:27:37 Drew Josh. Oh, come on.

1:27:39 Caller Life is like a box of chocolate. You never know what you get.

1:27:48 Drew Josh 19. Hey, Josh.

1:27:50 Adam Wait a minute.

1:27:50 Drew Oh my God.

1:27:52 Adam I'm going to do Sling Blythe now.

1:27:53 Caller Okay.

1:27:55 Adam All right. What's his name? Billy. Billy Bob Thornton. All right. Sling Blythe.

1:28:01 Caller Mm-hmm. I like French fries, potatoes.

1:28:07 Adam Let's see. Here's why.

1:28:10 Caller I seen him raping my wife, so I hit him with Sling Blythe.

1:28:15 Adam Yeah.

1:28:16 Drew Good. It's all good.

1:28:17 Adam Okay.

1:28:18 Drew Josh 19.

1:28:20 Adam What's up, Josh?

1:28:22 Caller Hey, guys.

1:28:22 Caller What's up?

1:28:24 Adam What's up? What's your question?

1:28:27 Caller Lately, I've been having problems keeping erection. Lately? With the girls.

1:28:32 Drew You never had that a problem before?

1:28:34 Caller I guess about a year ago, I was dating a girl a couple times during sex.

1:28:39 Drew And is this currently with the same girl or with different ones?

1:28:44 Caller I was dating this girl for about a month, and it happened like two or three times. My erection would go down.

1:28:49 Caller I couldn't get it back up.

1:28:50 Drew And has it happened with other girls since?

1:28:53 Caller Yes, it has.

1:28:54 Caller Very funny, ha ha.

1:28:55 Drew And are you nervous?

1:28:56 Adam Wait a minute. I want to do Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof. Let's sing that song.

1:29:04 Caller Matchmaker! Matchmaker! Make me a match! Find me fine! Catch me catch!

1:29:11 Adam Huh? Wait, did Tevye sing that? Who sang that? Fiddler on the Roof?

1:29:15 Drew Yeah, it's the daughters actually.

1:29:16 Adam The daughters sang that?

1:29:18 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:29:18 Caller Okay.

1:29:18 Adam But from Fiddler on the Roof, right?

1:29:20 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:29:20 Caller Okay.

1:29:21 Drew Good times.

1:29:21 Caller All right.

1:29:22 Adam What line was this guy on?

1:29:24 Drew Josh? Yeah. Are you on any medication?

1:29:27 Caller No.

1:29:28 Drew You have any medical problems?

1:29:29 Caller I was on medication about four months ago. I was on a PPD medicine, tested positive.

1:29:38 Drew So you're on INH.?

1:29:40 Caller Right.

1:29:41 Drew And you got to take that for like six months, though, right?

1:29:44 Caller Right. I already finished.

1:29:46 Drew You finished that? Right. And anything else going on? You doing POD or speed or?

1:29:50 Caller No, I don't do drugs at all.

1:29:53 Drew Are you drinking when this happens?

1:29:55 Caller No.

1:29:55 Drew Are you nervous about it possibly happening? I mean, are you thinking about it?

1:30:00 Caller A little bit.

1:30:01 Caller I'm not thinking about it. But when it happens, you know, it's like then it's there.

1:30:05 Caller And then here comes again.

1:30:06 Caller I'm stupid and uncomfortable.

1:30:09 Adam So he's got a girlfriend?

1:30:11 Caller Yeah, not anymore.

1:30:12 Adam Oh, all right. He's got to get a girlfriend. He's got to get in that groove. He's got to get in a rhythm. He's got to find that practice girl.

1:30:19 Drew Yeah, he's got to be with somebody that he doesn't feel overwhelmed and anxious around. But if it starts to happen again, it's like, well, whatever. It's no big deal. Do something else.

1:30:26 Adam OK, you tell me what movie this is from. So good my personation is.

1:30:31 Drew They've been just great so far.

1:30:33 Adam OK, let's see. Let's see how good I am. You can tell me what movie this is.

1:30:38 Drew OK, Peter Pan.

1:30:39 Caller No, Adrian.

1:30:44 Adam I'll do one more. OK, I'm going to tell you this.

1:30:47 Caller Stella.

1:30:49 Adam OK, I'll do one more. It's me. Another another Brando is from On the Waterfront.

1:30:54 Drew Oh, I could have been.

1:30:56 Caller I could be contender instead of bum, which is what I am. You my older brother. You should look out for me.

1:31:04 Drew These are my toys.

1:31:04 Adam These are my toys. All right. Oh, yeah. What are you talking to me? Is that is that a taxi driver? Oh, it's a taxi driver. Yeah.

1:31:14 Drew Looking at me.

1:31:15 Adam Yeah. Yeah. I got to I got to come up a few more. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I got one more. Now you got to guess. You got to guess what?

1:31:24 Drew These have been brought. These have been stretches for me.

1:31:27 Adam Well, I've been pretty good. You've been able to guess them. You've been guessing.

1:31:33 Caller Baby, you are shagadelic.

1:31:39 Drew Good times.

1:31:39 Adam That's a newer movie. That's my hint.

1:31:41 Drew Annie 20. Annie.

1:31:43 Caller Hi.

1:31:44 Drew What's going on?

1:31:45 Caller Oh, not much.

1:31:46 Caller What's going on with you?

1:31:48 Drew I'm just having delightful time here.

1:31:51 Adam Annie, you're 21. You want to know what it means when guys say, I love you, but not in love with you?

1:31:57 Caller Yeah.

1:31:57 Caller What's going on with that?

1:31:58 Drew I suspect that means two things. I want to break up and I don't know how to tell you.

1:32:04 Adam If you're going together, that's what that means.

1:32:06 Drew If you're not going to get it, it means I want to have sex, but I don't want to have a relationship.

1:32:09 Caller Right.

1:32:09 Adam And if you are, it means I still want to have sex, but I don't want to relationship. Either way you break it down. It means I'd like to keep sex going, but I'm breaking things off.

1:32:18 Drew Yeah.

1:32:18 Caller Why?

1:32:19 Adam Who is this?

1:32:20 Caller It was just my ex-boyfriend and I dated for like a year and a half.

1:32:24 Caller And then all of a sudden, one day he says that to me and I'm like, what?

1:32:28 Drew It's just a crazy way of breaking up and he may not know why he wants to break up. Even he just knows that it's just doesn't feel right anymore.

1:32:36 Caller All right.

1:32:36 Drew Did he try to keep having sex with you though?

1:32:38 Caller No, but I mean, he was like, yeah, we should totally be friends.

1:32:41 Drew And I'm like, yeah, that's what you need. The translation on friends with benefits is what he's looking for.

1:32:47 Adam He's out. That's it. You're too good for him. You find somebody else.

1:32:52 Drew You find somebody.

1:32:53 Caller You find somebody now.

1:32:56 Adam All right, Annie.

1:32:57 Caller All right. Thank you.

1:32:58 Adam All right, baby. Take care of yourself. Anyone want to hear any more impersonations? Any more impressions? We got one. Tara. Yeah. You got something? They just raising your hand. Oh, I see. I see. You want to hear more. But you don't you don't have any more. Let's see. You got to give me give me a famous famous movie. I can do women too.

1:33:21 Drew What's the television?

1:33:24 Caller What is it that you want?

1:33:25 Caller Oh, we want to be free. We want to be free.

1:33:28 Caller We want to be free to do what we want to do. It loaded in a body. Do it in a smoke opium.

1:33:36 Caller We're going to have a good time.

1:33:37 Caller Yeah, we're going to have a party.

1:33:39 Caller We're going to have a party.

1:33:41 Adam Okay, I'll give it this one.

1:33:42 Drew What, Gilligan?

1:33:45 Caller Skipper! Pow! Right to moon!

1:33:49 Adam Yeah, there was a little Jackie Gleeson there. All right, we'll take a little break. We'll be right back.

1:33:56 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up? So I was like, you know, I used to think that these datelines were totally cheesy. Why can't I meet anybody?

1:34:03 Caller But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell?

1:34:05 Caller So I called the dateline and actually met a cool guy.

1:34:07 Caller I called the dateline and I hooked up with some cool people.

1:34:09 Caller Believe it or not, other normal people are out there looking too.

1:34:11 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:34:18 Caller Love Line on 947NRK is brought to you by Car Toys and by the...

1:34:44 Adam Here's some beat. All right. Well, that's it. Unwritten Law coming in tomorrow night. I'll be glad to see them again until next time. This is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:57 Caller Give me your mother f-ing shoes! Give me your shoes!

1:35:01 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, but the management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, January 21, 2002