Episode 1000754886834

1:02 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:10 Voiceover Loveline, coast to coast.

1:13 Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline.

1:15 Voiceover I'm Adam Corolla, it's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, and we are delighted to welcome back to the show a dear.

1:27 Drew Dashing, dashing dear.

1:29 Adam Dear, dear friend.

1:31 Come on, baby, introduce me.

1:34 David.

1:35 Adam Alan Grier.

1:36 What's up, Dr. Drew?

1:38 Drew David D'Artagnan.

1:38 What's going on? Adam, what's going on?

1:42 David Alan Grier That's my sparring partner.

1:45 We worked out once a year.

1:46 That's what we do.

1:48 Drew He talks about it all year, dude. Oh, yeah, dude. We're so sad. My dear, dear friend, David. He's calling me all the time.

1:53 We talk a lot, though. We talk a lot.

1:55 We just don't work out.

1:56 Adam We talk about working out.

1:57 David Alan Grier I can't work out today. Call me tomorrow.

1:59 Okay. I'm going to call you tomorrow. You're going to be busy?

2:01 David Alan Grier I might be.

2:02 But call me tomorrow. Okay.

2:04 Drew Well, Adam and now David. Now listen, I know Adam just walks around in his underpants. So you can get him. No, no.

2:09 Adam He can get me.

2:10 Drew He just had to go downstairs and work out. So what's your deal? I'm busy.

2:14 I'm on the road, man.

2:14 Adam He's got to get together with his riding partner.

2:16 Yeah, because I was doing this. We write on this script. But you've never been over to my house, so you have to come over and work out over there.

2:21 Adam I would enjoy that.

2:23 I don't know.

2:23 David Alan Grier I'd take him out of his element.

2:24 You know what I mean?

2:25 Tomorrow's Turkey Day, gentlemen. I'm going to be feeding the strippers down there. Crazy girls.

2:31 Adam Yeah, where are you going to be? You don't like your family. So what are you going to do? Oh, I love my family. I do.

2:36 Drew They're in Michigan, right?

2:38 Yeah, they're all the way in Michigan. You're going to go over there?

2:40 Drew I'm going to Michigan next week.

2:41 Yeah, but do you really think this is the time, given the whole climate of the country?

2:44 Drew I'm going to Michigan next week. I don't even have a family in Michigan.

2:46 Why are you going there?

2:47 Drew I'm going to speak at Northern Michigan University.

2:50 That is cool. Did you take a flu shot?

2:51 Drew Yeah, I did. Yes, thank you.

2:53 I'm going to take my flu shot on the air.

2:56 Drew I'm ready. Seriously?

2:57 Pump it up, brother.

2:58 Adam That's dynamite radio. Yeah, put something else in there.

3:01 Drew He is such a pussy.

3:02 Speaking of, there's nothing wrong with the vag.

3:04 Right, girls?

3:06 Drew Love them.

3:07 Yes, I love the little love button at the top there, Dr. Drew.

3:11 Adam Let me say this.

3:13 Twinkie Hole, baby.

3:14 That's it, baby.

3:15 Adam Speaking of Thanksgiving travel, I love listening to the news reports where they go, well, airline travel is down 24% this holiday season, and a lot of that is due to the lower gas prices. And I'm thinking to myself, okay, gas was $1.46 a gallon. It's now $1.27 a gallon. Your tank holds 14 gallons, and you're driving to Flagstaff from LA. Is that $5.50? Your car gets 31 miles a gallon. It holds 14 gallons. It's $0.18 more. I mean, do the goddamn math. Is it less than $10 or not?

3:52 Drew And those fuel prices get reflected in airline tickets, which are through the floor because of the drop in travel also.

3:58 Adam I'm just saying, if you're basing your plans on, well, I was not gonna drive to Utah this year to see my grandparents, but now that I know I'm gonna say $5.48, I'm in the car for 14 hours.

4:13 No, it's the plane. Nobody wants to fly.

4:15 Adam That's what it is.

4:16 Drew Well, here's the even funnier, the bigger irony in the newscast. It is all day. Huge lines down here at LAX. There were lines for about an hour and a half this morning, and the airport's been empty the rest of the day. Which are they gonna report? It's empty or it's overcrowded?

4:29 Caller And it's every five minutes. There's nothing new. Back to the line. Adam, you're down further on the line. I'm at the end of the line. And Drew, you're approaching the line. Let's go to Adam in the front of the line.

4:37 Caller Go, Adam.

4:37 Adam Yeah, Dave. Drew, who am I talking to?

4:40 Drew Someone in the line here, I believe. Yeah, you got the gentleman in the line.

4:43 Caller I have a woman in the line. Adam, go ahead.

4:46 Yeah, I got her name.

4:47 Adam It's Sheila Olson. Sheila, how long have you been in the line?

4:52 About two days.

4:52 Drew And they come back in the morning and afternoon, no empty, because it was all the usual rush.

4:57 It happened to the line.

4:58 Drew Yeah, a little extra weight with the security. And there was no story. They kept interviewing people. They're going, well, let's move along. No big deal.

5:04 Caller I was taking pictures with the army men, with the M-60s. They're like, let them go, let them go.

5:09 Caller Get on your knees, come back.

5:11 Drew Don't you fit some kind of profile or something?

5:13 Caller No, not me.

5:15 Caller I am so cool and calm. Take my Xannies, a couple of mimosas. I'm good to go, baby.

5:21 Drew Can you imagine you two traveling together? Think about that.

5:23 Caller I made noises this last plane flight from New York. I just felt bad for the guy. I woke myself up and I was like...

5:35 Caller This is like bizarre noises and this white guy next to me was like...

5:42 Caller I can't say anything.

5:43 Caller I have to hold my anger inside.

5:46 Adam That's right. He'll be labeled.

5:48 Caller I know, I know. Damn that OJ.,

5:50 Caller damn him.

5:52 Adam I told Drew that I have two alternatives now with what's going on in the world and flying. I can either remain sober and vigilant or I can really double down on the booze and not even know where I am when that plane's going down.

6:06 Drew Guess which one he chose.

6:07 Caller Well, there's only one real place.

6:09 Adam Well, also flying back from New York with Tommy Davidson next to me too. He's a bundle of energy, that one. I had him stop the plane in Detroit to get some heroin.

6:19 Caller No, it's for me, Doc. Just taxi down.

6:22 Caller The man's at the end of the runway.

6:23 Drew He doesn't turn off?

6:25 Adam I don't know.

6:25 Caller Boot me off there, buddy.

6:26 Adam I don't know.

6:27 Drop on. I'm ready.

6:28 Drew I got to go to the car. I got the syringe in the car, dude.

6:30 Come on.

6:30 Drew Get your juice. Get your juice, baby.

6:31 I'm ready.

6:33 Caller Adam, you got cranberries.

6:34 Adam Yeah, I got cranberries because I got to give the recipe out tonight. It's a little tradition. I'm tired of people opening the can. But seriously, David, you're not going back to Michigan, right? You're staying out here?

6:46 Caller Well, I'm going to be having Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow at the Laugh Factory with the rest of the Homeless comics. No, I'm having with friends.

6:54 Caller I am.

6:54 Caller I'm having with friends.

6:55 Adam Hi. You're okay?

6:57 Caller Yeah, I'm fine. I'm coming over to the Carolla place. I was here. I'd love to go over to Drew's.

7:01 Caller I'd be so well-behaved. You would not trust me, though. You'd be like, he's going to blow anything.

7:05 Drew I'd just watch him. Watch him.

7:06 David Alan Grier Yes, dear. He's an equal.

7:07 Drew Cut him off.

7:08 But he's my friend, okay?

7:09 David Alan Grier Let's all try and put on a happy face at the Drew household.

7:12 Caller Come on in, David.

7:15 All right.

7:16 Caller Let's heal some babies, kids. Let's get some energy.

7:19 Adam Let me say this. David will be at the Abrea Improv in Abrea Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Two shows, Friday, Saturday. 8 and 10.30 and then 8.30 and 10.30.

7:30 Drew Anderson actually went and saw his last show.

7:32 Adam Yeah.

7:33 Caller He gave me props, man.

7:34 Adam Yeah.

7:34 Caller I want to do a shout out, Dave McKenna. What's up, baby?

7:37 Caller He's over there in Newport Beach, one of my boys.

7:39 Adam He's going to be performing too?

7:40 Caller No, he's just, you know.

7:41 Whatever.

7:43 Adam Yeah. Anderson went and saw David and said he really enjoyed it.

7:46 David Alan Grier Thumbs up or down?

7:47 Caller Thumbs up.

7:49 Adam He told me too and he didn't have to. He could have said, I thought he was really funny on the air, but he kind of sucked. I was disappointed when I saw him.

7:55 Drew I understand it's a big deal for Anderson to talk to Adam.

7:58 Caller Well, people, especially radio people, they'll come and they'll tell you when you suck too. Yeah.

8:03 David Alan Grier Dude, what happened, man? Like you have no talent. What's up?

8:07 Caller I'm like, you know what, man? I'm just in line at the airport, okay? Hey, talking to a reporter, okay? Thanks a lot. Thanks, guys. Enjoy your headliner.

8:15 Adam Yeah.

8:15 Caller David Alan Grier.

8:16 Adam I like, here's my favorite line. You seem nervous. I mean, it was good, but you look, you seem nervous. Were you nervous? And then you always look like an idiot when you go, no, no, I'm not nervous at all.

8:31 Caller Are they going?

8:32 Adam Because you seem nervous.

8:33 Caller You like that guy, Adam.

8:35 David Alan Grier I know that guy. Are you guys friends? Or do you not like him? Is that true? Is he really a doctor?

8:42 Drew Or even better yet, they come down, they go, are you as much of an asshole in real life? He had a 19-year-old chick come up to him.

8:48 Adam 19. Are you an asshole in real life too?

8:51 David Alan Grier That's foreplay.

8:52 Drew And he goes, beat it.

8:53 Adam He's like a 60-year-old guy.

8:54 Caller You're going to get your arm slapped.

8:55 Adam And I just looked at him and I said, beat it. Yes, yes.

8:58 Caller Who was the last guy who went, beat it.

9:00 Adam That's the only thing I said was beat it.

9:02 Caller That's great. And tell him the rest, you're married now.

9:04 Adam She ran.

9:05 Caller Beautiful little boys.

9:09 Adam Melanie? Melanie?

9:11 Yes?

9:12 Adam You're 18?

9:13 Caller Yes.

9:13 Adam What's up?

9:15 I just got a new boyfriend and I want to like know how to approach him to go down on him.

9:21 Adam Well, you should-

9:27 Caller Now, take a whiff. What you're going to smell is yogurt. You're going to smell some yogurt.

9:35 Caller Oh my God.

9:37 Caller A hint of Cabernet.

9:38 Drew But it's mildewy.

9:40 Caller Well, that is the enchilada tortilla pie.

9:43 Drew That is the gastric contacts.

9:46 Caller Oh, gosh.

9:47 Drew Unacceptable.

9:47 Oh, my God.

9:49 Caller That was bubbling around there.

9:51 Caller That's what you call oral flatulence, my friends.

9:53 Drew That is impressive.

9:54 Adam Thank you. Hey, hey, hold on a second, Mellon. Hold on, is it just me or is there something more offensive about that than gas out of the ass?

10:03 Caller There's nothing more offensive.

10:05 Adam No, it's more of an affront for some reason.

10:07 Drew If you had actually vomited on the table, it would not have smelled any stronger.

10:10 Caller Watch it.

10:10 Drew And the problem with that is that you, no, don't. You really do get like you want to vomit yourself when you smell it. Just please, that's what's more offensive.

10:17 Adam Drew, you're stop saying vomit because when a guy has a couple of glasses of Cabernet and a tamale pie before he comes in here.

10:28 Caller I have allergies right now and you know I have my reverse reflux in my rotary esophagus.

10:34 Adam Yeah, it's been a lot of pollen in the air, David.

10:37 Caller You should really take care of yourself.

10:39 Adam And sometimes that allergy medicine does not go down well with wine, Drew.

10:43 Drew Listen, you guys, I'm about to vomit with this conversation.

10:46 Caller Oh, stop.

10:47 Drew That was the smell.

10:48 Caller Let's get back to Natalie.

10:49 Adam All right.

10:49 Drew Melanie.

10:50 David Alan Grier Melanie.

10:50 Caller I'm sorry, no, Natalie.

10:51 David Alan Grier Melanie.

10:52 Drew Melanie.

10:52 Caller Melanie.

10:53 Drew So she wants to approach her boyfriend so that he shouldn't run unless she brings up oral sass or he shouldn't be offended.

11:01 Caller Grab his biscuits, honey, and say, sit down, you homo, and take this. Take this love and mama's going to give you.

11:07 Adam All you got to do is fall asleep with your mouth open. He'll probably do it himself.

11:11 Caller Dude, I love you.

11:12 Caller He's shy.

11:13 Adam He's shy?

11:14 Yeah.

11:15 Adam Well, what base have you gotten to with him so far? How far have you gotten with him?

11:19 All the way, but.

11:20 Adam But no oral?

11:21 Huh, no.

11:22 Drew Was it problematic when you had sex with him?

11:25 No, it was great, but he just never initiated.

11:29 Adam Well, you want some from him too?

11:31 No.

11:32 Drew No, no, here's the deal. He's not an initiator and neither is she.

11:35 Adam Hold on, you can't initiate oral sex on yourself.

11:38 No, on him.

11:39 Drew She wants to know how to approach him.

11:41 Adam I know, jackass, but she's saying that he didn't initiate it.

11:44 Caller Guys, guys, come on. Let's not be ugly. I belched. I'm sorry.

11:47 Drew She didn't initiate sex.

11:49 Caller Muffy, here's what you do. Give him a massage. Try that. Give him a massage.

11:55 Drew No, wait a minute. It's a male we're talking about here. He'd be delighted with whatever she does. The problem is she can't get over the she feels bad being the one to initiate anything.

12:06 Caller Don't feel bad, honey.

12:07 Drew Don't feel bad. Right? Is that right, Melanie?

12:08 Yeah. Women are always told not to initiate things.

12:11 Drew There you go.

12:12 Caller It's oppressive.

12:14 Drew By the way, men are, we're hitting men over the head with mallets trying to get them not to do things sexual. You can't force them not to. They're just touching themselves. They're spending money on it.

12:24 Adam Look, next time you guys are intimate, just slide down there. There's no guys going to think that's out of place.

12:30 Caller Go down in that canyon and do some yodeling, honey.

12:32 Drew Can you do that? No, this is her on him.

12:35 David Alan Grier Oh, sorry.

12:37 Caller Thanks a lot, Dr. Drew.

12:38 Adam Yeah, get down on that rope bridge and walk it.

12:40 Caller There you go.

12:41 Caller Play the old skin flute, hey there Adam.

12:45 Adam You're going to hear more of that kind of comedy after the gray improv coming up this weekend.

12:51 Caller It's heady stuff.

12:52 David Alan Grier I'm an intellectual comic.

12:53 Adam Just give him a BJ, Manoli, he'll be fine. Have you done this quite a number of times?

12:58 Drew With anyone else?

12:59 Adam Yes. Yeah. Okay.

13:01 Caller If he's really nervous, he may not go to completion, but you relax. Keep going at it.

13:06 Drew There was a Yale School of Drama, is that where you went?

13:08 Caller Yes, I did. Yeah.

13:08 Drew Got it. Mental note, kids don't go to Yale.

13:10 Caller I'll stop.

13:11 Adam Melanie.

13:12 Caller Yeah.

13:13 Adam Don't tell him you do it all the time or something like that.

13:17 Caller You're not like any of the other guys I've gone down on.

13:19 Adam That's right. You know what I like about you? I can blow you and talk to you at the same time. The other guys, I can barely breathe.

13:25 Drew There are tons of other guys that have oral sex with, but they initiated it.

13:29 Caller Listen, at my age, it's all good.

13:31 Drew It's all good.

13:32 Caller Go, honey.

13:33 Drew Savannah.

13:34 Adam Hey, you're 15. What's up?

13:37 Caller I have a personal problem. Okay.

13:40 Adam Great.

13:41 Caller I'm 15 and I weigh about 137. I work out, I eat right, but I have stretch marks on my breast, and I've tried everything to get rid of them. I don't know if it's a disease or what. It's just really, it's embarrassing.

14:00 Adam Hold on. How big are they?

14:02 Caller I'm a C36.

14:04 Adam All right.

14:04 Drew All right.

14:04 Adam That's fine. I like stretch marks. It means there's some size there.

14:09 Caller But see, I'm embarrassed with that. If I have sex or anything, it has to be in the dark.

14:15 Drew That's a shame. The guys are not going to have a problem with this, number one. There are laser techniques now to help with these stretch marks. She's 15.

14:22 Adam She's fine.

14:23 Drew If she wants, if she wants, you can talk to a plastic surgeon who does laser. There is finally at least now an option with laser.

14:29 Caller The guys wouldn't care if you had one arm, really.

14:31 Caller I have tried vitamin E lotion.

14:33 Drew No, no, no, no. Nothing is going to work that you can do without real serious intervention, either cutting them out or laser them.

14:38 Adam Hold on. You have a boyfriend?

14:41 Caller Yeah. I slept with two guys. The first guy I lost it to, I did it in the dark and I lied to him. I told him that it would be better in the dark. He believed me.

14:53 Drew It's not about believing or not believing.

14:55 Adam Yeah. It's not a tough sell. Yeah.

14:56 Drew He just whatever, whatever.

14:58 Caller Nobody's ever seen him but me.

15:00 Adam Well, listen.

15:01 Caller They're not as bad as you think they are.

15:03 Adam All guys have seen stretch marks. No big deal. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Don't worry about it. Okay. Don't freak out. You'll find a guy who'll like it. Really? No. Actually, I went too far with that. I don't mind a stretch mark. That means big cans. See, it's really, that's what it means to me. Glass half full. I associate it with that. All right, Savannah, don't worry about it.

15:28 Caller You have a cool name, Savannah.

15:30 Adam It's a poor name, so watch out.

15:32 Caller Watch it, mister.

15:33 Caller She's underage.

15:35 Caller Actually, my boyfriend's 25.

15:38 Caller Pump the brakes. Dr. Drew, get involved.

15:39 Drew No.

15:40 Caller See, he's not like that. He's not like one of us.

15:41 Caller He's not like what? An adult?

15:43 Drew Savannah, when you're 25 and you- Savannah, no, you listen to us. When you're 25 and you look back at 15-year-old, you're going to be flipped out.

15:50 Caller See, but that's not- I'm different. I'm like older mentally than I am physically.

15:54 Drew She does sound more mature than a 18-year-old man. Yeah, it's different because it's her. That's the reason it's different. Right.

15:59 Caller See, like everybody I tell that- see, the only person that really understands it is my mom, because my mom knows me, and she lets it happen.

16:09 Caller My mom slept with him too, so it's all cool.

16:12 Caller Yeah.

16:14 Adam Where's daddy?

16:15 Caller Where? My dad, he's in Houston, and when I told him, see, my dad doesn't live with me.

16:21 Adam Shocking.

16:22 Caller Yeah. My dad doesn't live with me, so he told me that he knows what goes on in a 25-year-old's mind, and that's all he said.

16:29 Drew Well, but it's not, it's more than that. Yes, he's right on that count, but it's that a 25-year-old that would be with a 15-year-old, even the most mature 15-year-old on earth, he went with Pajurio.

16:41 David Alan Grier Excuse me. I think I'm, I'm sorry.

16:43 Caller The way I trusted him, the way I knew that he was good enough for me.

16:46 Adam Do we got to get hepatitis just with a plug or a braille show?

16:49 David Alan Grier I don't know, but I just want to get that flu shot.

16:52 Drew We're getting it. Don't worry. It's coming on.

16:53 Caller The way I tested him was I waited two years until he was, you know, until we actually had intercourse.

17:00 Caller So in other words, you started dating him when you were 13?

17:02 Drew Yeah. Oh, my God.

17:05 Caller And you tell everyone, obviously, right?

17:07 Caller Well, I didn't start telling people. It was behind doors until actually I was 14.

17:11 Drew It's illegal what he's doing, you understand?

17:13 Caller Yeah.

17:13 Drew And he knows that. Savannah, there's a reason it's illegal. There's a reason it's illegal to protect you from people like this.

17:19 Caller But also, it's because when you go on the Jerry Springer show, you're not of age, so you don't get those residual checks till you're 18.

17:26 Adam That's right.

17:28 Drew When you're 23, 24, Savannah, you are going to flip out.

17:32 Adam Oh, she's going to be so high on heroin by then.

17:34 Caller She's not going to care.

17:37 Caller You're going to be like, she's going to be there's so much porn.

17:39 Caller I'm in AA right now. I don't need that.

17:40 Caller Oh, this gets better and better. She's in AA already.

17:44 NA.

17:45 Caller Oh, NA.

17:46 Caller I'm in NA.

17:48 Adam What was your drug?

17:49 Caller Oh, that's beautiful. Weed. I pop pills. Pills I don't know of.

17:54 Drew What does your sponsor say about your behavior with this guy?

17:56 Caller Come on, just a second, okay?

17:57 Caller Oh, come on.

17:59 Caller No, just a second, okay?

18:00 Caller She's on another radio station.

18:02 Drew No, it's mom who is...

18:04 Caller Get off of the phone, what are you, crazy?

18:06 Adam Oh, no, mom endorses this relationship.

18:09 Drew I know, it's a point.

18:10 Caller She was spilling the guts.

18:11 Drew Savannah?

18:12 Adam All right.

18:13 David Alan Grier She's holding on.

18:14 Adam It's him calling for more.

18:16 David Alan Grier Dr. Drew, kid, if I come down with the flu without getting this shot, am I going to be all right?

18:22 Drew I will not give you the shot.

18:24 David Alan Grier Am I going to be okay? Because I think I'm getting sick and I'm not hypochondriac either.

18:30 Drew Can you put the gloves on and just work him a little bit?

18:34 Caller No, I'm just saying, I feel like my sinuses and stuff, I may need to get out of the flu.

18:37 Drew I know exactly how to open them up.

18:38 Caller Come on, hit me up, hit me up.

18:40 David Alan Grier Is there a buzz I get off of this stuff?

18:42 Drew See you, Savannah. I got to get the syringe to my car.

18:44 Adam All right, but give it to him under the fingernails. His parole officer doesn't get wise.

18:48 Caller Do a clean one. He starts waxing, reminiscing about his time in the Peace Corps in Nairobi. How they used to pump every native until the needle got blunt. Savannah?

19:00 Caller Huh?

19:01 Caller What happened? Who was on the other line, baby?

19:02 Caller Nobody's on the other line. My mom just needed to talk to me.

19:05 Caller Would she tell you to cool down, take a timeout?

19:08 Caller No, she just, she heard what I was talking about. She's like, I don't know if you want to be telling people this. And I was like, I could trust them.

19:13 Adam Yeah, she doesn't want you telling people that she knows about it.

19:17 Drew Right.

19:18 Caller Well, she knows about how embarrassing this is to me.

19:21 Drew Well, it's not the stretch marks.

19:22 Caller Yeah.

19:23 Drew Yeah, but that, you listen.

19:24 Adam You got to prioritize, you're right.

19:26 Drew That is not the important issue.

19:27 Adam You're junkie, you're having sex with an old man.

19:30 Drew Savannah, what is your sponsor?

19:31 Adam That's what you got to focus on.

19:32 Caller Yeah, I mean, I'm the right side.

19:35 Drew Savannah, hey, listen to me. Savannah, what does your sponsor say about your relationship with this guy?

19:39 Caller What do you mean my sponsor? Oh, the NA?

19:41 Caller Yeah. That little thing.

19:43 Caller I just started telling him, and you know, there's like-

19:46 Drew Telling him?

19:47 Caller Well, no, no, well, it's a group.

19:49 Caller Right.

19:50 Drew Listen, you have to get a sponsor. You're not in recovery until you do the steps with a sponsor, OK?

19:55 Caller Yeah, I mean, well-

19:56 Drew And then you tell that sponsor about what your choices have been, and believe me, they will set you straight, OK?

20:02 Caller Yeah, I just, I mean, I've been so close to this guy.

20:05 Drew Savannah, get yourself a sponsor and talk honestly with her.

20:08 Caller OK.

20:09 Adam All right, Savannah. All right, and-

20:12 Caller Isn't there a lot of boning that goes on in those 12-step joints? You take everything-

20:15 Drew Yeah, there are a lot of sick people that go there and are not serious about their recovery.

20:18 Caller No, but I'm saying the hyperactive sex-

20:21 Drew Yeah, there are a bunch of sex addicts out there, and if they're not interested in their recovery, they will do all kinds of crazy things, including share drugs with each other.

20:27 Adam I feel compelled to give Savannah's mother just a quick safety tip with winter approaching. A hibachi is not a suitable form of radiant heat. You understand? And it will fill a small trailer up in a matter of moments. With smoke and carbon monoxide, and you will pass out and you will wake up dead.

20:46 David Alan Grier With stretch marks on your face and dolls.

20:47 Adam Oh, I mean with stretch marks and dead. So the hibachi is not an appropriate way to warm a trailer.

20:54 Caller I love those hibachis.

20:55 Adam Marguerite?

20:56 Caller Margaret.

20:57 Adam Oh, Margaret, sorry. What's up?

20:58 Caller Hi, I'm so excited to talk to you.

21:00 Adam Oh, we're tickled pink to have you on the show. David Alan Grier is our guest tonight.

21:04 Caller What a night for me to call in.

21:05 Caller You're so excited to talk to Adam.

21:06 Drew Wow, shocking.

21:07 Caller Okay. My question to you is that you guys preach a lot about how people who aren't like the most mentally stable or had kind of screwed up background can't really trust their decision.

21:17 Drew Well, is that what we want? We don't want them to have kids.

21:21 Caller No, no, no. I know that.

21:22 Adam Right, right. Yeah, no. You're basically right, unless they've got some help.

21:27 Caller Yeah. Well, no. I mean, I've gone to some counseling, ACOA counseling. What's ACOA?

21:33 Drew Adult Children of Alcoholics.

21:34 Caller Yeah. Right. And what I want to know is, can I trust that I dislike kids for the right reasons? How old are you? I'm 22.

21:43 Drew What's the age? Now, who?

21:45 Caller I don't want to have kids now. I mean-

21:46 Caller Are you going to get your tubes tied?

21:50 Drew You dislike kids, why?

21:51 Caller I don't know. I have no attachment to them whatsoever. I've had an abortion when I was 17. I didn't want to have it though.

21:57 Drew Are you able to have close relationships with anyone?

22:00 Caller Yes.

22:00 Drew Can you form a relationship?

22:01 Caller Four and a half years and we have a fantastic relationship.

22:03 Drew He's not an addict or alcoholic?

22:05 Caller No, not at all. I would never date someone who drank.

22:07 Adam All right. So why do you think you hate kids? Because you're horrible parents?

22:12 Caller She's 22.

22:13 Caller See, I'm the youngest of nine children.

22:15 Caller Then stop right there.

22:16 Caller That's enough.

22:17 Drew Yeah.

22:18 Caller That's enough, baby.

22:19 Adam Jesus. Yeah.

22:20 Drew But here's what's going to happen, though, I predict. You're going to decide to have a child about 10 years. And magically you're going to have that child.

22:27 Adam Yeah.

22:28 Drew Magically.

22:28 Adam Yeah.

22:30 Caller That's what I was wondering is because, I mean, in my behavior now, like I said, when I was 17, I had an abortion I didn't want to have, but I really had no choice. When I was 19, I gave for a child up for adoption and it didn't bother me at all. Like, I never had any problems with that. I thought that was kind of strange. I'm an egg donor. I just donated. And I'm in the matching process to donate again. Now, am I going to regret all this or?

22:51 Drew I don't. You're going to have different feelings about it when you get into a place where you are attached to these two children.

22:56 Caller Now, why are you an egg donor?

22:58 Drew Money.

22:59 Caller It sounded like a cool thing to do. And I'm not going to use them. So somebody else might as well.

23:02 Adam Who? Do you get paid for it?

23:05 Caller It's very involved. It's not easy.

23:07 Caller Per collection.

23:08 Adam How much you get?

23:08 Caller $2,000 per collect.

23:10 Adam So you're doing it for the money?

23:11 Caller Not really.

23:12 David Alan Grier For the scratch, honey.

23:14 Drew Yeah.

23:14 Caller It's certainly a bonus. I mean, if they didn't pay me, I'd still do it.

23:16 Drew But you're able to empathize with people, you're able to form close relationships, you're not using yourself.

23:22 Caller Yeah. When I was a little kid, I was never physically abused, but I wanted kids just for the sake of spanking them or hurting them. Isn't that terrible?

23:31 Drew Well, did you hurt animals too?

23:33 Caller No. I love dogs. See, I don't want kids. I want a dog. I can't even really do it.

23:36 Caller Do you want to spank that dog though?

23:37 Drew You know what this is? She was, there were nine kids and she was just sort of left in the crib just to fend for herself.

23:43 Caller She was Boo Radley.

23:44 Caller More than anything, I was raised by my older siblings and not really my parents at all.

23:47 Drew Right. But when you were younger and you needed a parent, there was nobody.

23:50 Caller Yeah. Is that hard?

23:52 Drew That affects your attachment biology, frankly. And your ability to form attachments and the ability to empathize, it gets impaired.

23:59 Caller Yeah.

23:59 Drew And you can repair that. It sounds like your ability to have relationships. Again, I wonder how your boyfriend is as a person. Is he an available person?

24:07 Caller He's actually the most wonderful, kind person. The second we met, actually, he changed my life so much. I was blame for four years severely. And I stopped the day that he found out because he was just so sad.

24:20 Caller So you're saying that now you're nourished by the fumes of his buttocks, right?

24:24 Caller Exactly.

24:24 Adam Yeah, that's an unhealthy relationship.

24:27 Caller And they are wonderful.

24:28 Adam So he likes dogs, hates kids, and is on the fence about chews.

24:34 Caller Actually, no, he doesn't want to have kids either, but I wish he'd like dogs more, but just fully like them. All right.

24:38 Adam Well, listen, have a dog and don't get your tubes tied. And keep up with your Al-Anon or whatever, your ACL. Write and your therapy and do all that stuff and you leave your options open. You don't have to make any decisions.

24:53 Drew I think this is going to kind of work itself out. You'll always have issues around these things, but I think it'll be all right.

24:58 Adam That's nice. That's a nice impulse. I want to have a kid so we can beat it.

25:02 Caller I just beat my kids.

25:03 Drew But she's honest. She's pulling the curtain back for us to listen to what people feel like when they are like that. Think of the ones that want to have kids to have sex with them.

25:13 Adam Oh, yeah. Are there people like that? Yes. Well, not until they're in their 20s.

25:20 Caller Let's get back to some serious problems. Why are my belches so false?

25:24 Adam Are you belching again?

25:26 Caller Well, I belted in my sleeve. Yeah. It mingled with the vapors.

25:30 Caller Oh, is that what you were doing?

25:31 Adam Yeah.

25:31 Caller It mingled with the vapors into my arm.

25:32 Adam Well, maybe you shouldn't be drinking their carbonated soda. Yeah.

25:35 Caller This is cooking up all my little belly fluids.

25:38 Adam Why don't you have a box of baking soda.

25:40 Caller Oh, I should. Yeah.

25:41 Drew I'm going to get some potions.

25:42 Adam And some buttermilk or something.

25:44 Caller Maybe when Drew gives me his little hot shot, that's right, then you can put some bicarbonate in there, buddy.

25:50 Adam Inject them with something and put just a little downer in it or something too.

25:54 Caller No, I want my shot in my butt.

25:56 Caller I don't want any track marks.

25:57 Drew He's not bad tonight.

25:58 Caller I'm not. I'm very cool because tomorrow's turkey day.

26:01 Drew Cranberries. Cranberries.

26:02 Adam Yeah, I'm going to be giving my recipe for cranberries, though. When do we get back with it?

26:06 Caller Guys, don't eat a turkey. Save a turkey.

26:08 Adam David Alan Grier will be back.

26:42 Caller Hi, I'm Jerry Springer, and you're listening to Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

26:47 Well.

26:52 Adam Dagg makes a Jerry Springer reference, and there he is.

26:56 Caller He appears magically now.

26:58 Drew Now we're doing syringes.

26:59 Caller Dr. Drew's booting up the syringe there.

27:02 Adam David Alan Grier's a guest, and he's gonna be over at the Abrea Improv this weekend. That'd be Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Two shows.

27:12 Drew Not to take, you'd be silly if you didn't have to take it.

27:14 Adam And Dr. Drew is just gonna shoot Dagg up.

27:19 Caller He's putting it in the spoon.

27:21 Caller Okay, what's this?

27:22 Adam Fire it up. The black's keloid, so be careful.

27:25 Caller Excuse me, what'd I tell you? I said stop it with your racist talk.

27:29 Drew The black's keloid.

27:31 Caller I'm not.

27:31 Adam I'm looking out for you.

27:33 Caller Hit me off there, buddy.

27:34 Adam Oh!

27:35 Caller Jesus bloody Christ! Ow!

27:39 Adam Come on, wipe him down.

27:45 David Alan Grier Oh, it stings, it stings!

27:46 Adam Yeah.

27:47 David Alan Grier No, it's all right, it's all right.

27:48 Adam You may not be right for a couple of weeks.

27:51 Caller I see two of you, man.

27:53 Caller Nice!

27:55 Caller All right, talk me down, Dr. Drew.

27:57 Caller Let's heal some babies!

27:59 Caller Tomorrow's turkey day.

28:00 Drew You've done your civic duty now.

28:01 David Alan Grier I'm all lightheaded.

28:02 Caller What's in that stuff?

28:03 David Alan Grier Come on.

28:04 Caller He is such a pussy.

28:06 Drew He's such a pussy.

28:08 Adam Fell asleep.

28:10 Drew No, he's going out.

28:14 David Alan Grier I apologize to my people.

28:15 Adam Gwen, you're 20. Yeah, hi. Hey, you know, me and Dag are going to be hanging in Vegas next week.

28:21 Drew Are you really?

28:22 Adam Yeah, and we're going out.

28:24 Caller Oh, yes.

28:25 Adam Oh, yes, we're going out.

28:27 Caller I have to change my flight.

28:29 You're gay.

28:30 Caller I'm coming back. Oh, OK, cool.

28:31 Adam We're going out. Gwen?

28:33 Caller Yeah.

28:34 Adam Go ahead. What's up?

28:35 Caller I think Gwen has something to say.

28:36 Well, I live with my parents and my younger brother and sister. And just recently, like, I don't know why, but my parents have started having, like, really loud sex in the middle of the day. Yeah.

28:48 Adam I probably want you to move out.

28:49 No, well, it's not.

28:54 Caller Yeah. That is tasteless. Let this young lady unburden herself.

28:59 Adam Well, don't they work?

29:01 Oh, well, this is, they did this Saturday and Sunday and then today because they had work off. And, I mean, it's not so much me, like, it's embarrassing, of course, but my little sister, she's, she's 11, and she doesn't know what's going on. And so she'll come to me and she'll be like, Mom's making noise in the bedroom again. And she doesn't, you know, she doesn't know what's going on.

29:21 Caller Did she ask your mom?

29:22 Pardon?

29:23 Caller Did she ever ask your mom?

29:24 Yeah, she did.

29:25 Caller And what's your mom say?

29:26 On Saturday and my mom said that she was doing yoga.

29:29 Caller You know what? Why can't we in America freely and openly talk about sex? If her parents told her that, kids would not want to have sex if they found out their parents were doing it.

29:39 Adam It is true.

29:40 Caller We never would have sex.

29:42 Adam No, just say, do you think she was hurting her or something?

29:47 Yeah, my sister thought that my mom was like hurt, like in pain.

29:51 Drew I have multiple reactions.

29:52 Caller One is, she was like, mama's wrestling, don't come in here.

29:56 Drew Are you sure they're not doing yoga? This is a new behavior for them. It's not like they've been like this the whole lot.

30:04 I wasn't there on Saturday, but I heard it on Sunday, and I'm pretty sure.

30:07 Adam You don't yell a lot.

30:08 Caller Could you recreate it?

30:09 Adam You don't yell, Christ almighty, I'm coming.

30:11 Caller I did it in my chakra, right in my chakra, my third eye, did it right in my third eye, that's my third eye.

30:21 Drew Now, are either of them on medication or getting drugged out?

30:27 Caller No.

30:34 Caller I'm sorry.

30:35 Drew What?

30:35 No, I mean, my parents are totally normal, and this is like, it's just a new thing.

30:39 Caller I have no idea why they would decide to do this.

30:41 Caller Here's what you do. I know how to stop this behavior. You barge in that room with a fire extinguisher.

30:46 No.

30:47 Drew You call the paramedics.

30:48 I know.

30:49 Caller Barge in there.

30:49 Adam They'll stop. They'll stop. Well, listen, why don't you have a little talk with your mom? I mean, she's a progressive woman.

30:57 Drew Yes.

30:58 Adam Look, she's letting this old guy bang the bejesus out of her in the middle of the day on Sunday. I think she's open for discussion.

31:05 Drew These are both your biological parents?

31:07 Yes.

31:07 Caller How old are they?

31:09 They're in their late 40s.

31:10 Adam All right. You tell her that you heard them being intimate the other day and you're worried about your little brother and sister and if you could just include them, bravo, Adam.

31:22 Caller Wonderful comedy this evening. Let's acknowledge Adam, Dr. Drew, Mr. Hoggy Mike Man.

31:28 Drew I just got to say that-

31:29 Adam Dear, dear friend.

31:31 Drew The behavior is so peculiar that it would start up like that never before.

31:35 Caller You know what you're revealing so much about your little relationship, Dr. Drew. It's like it's so peculiar for people in a long-term relationship to actually have sex in the afternoon.

31:43 Drew No, no, no.

31:44 Caller It's bizarre.

31:45 Drew But it's bizarre to suddenly have no awareness of their surroundings like that.

31:51 Caller Maybe there was a time when things weren't happening.

31:55 Drew I understand, but still they'd have an awareness of the world around them.

31:59 Adam All right.

32:00 Caller What do you think is going on?

32:01 Adam Talk to mama.

32:02 Drew We got a brain tumor or something. Something's not right about this. I don't know.

32:07 Caller Is there a shot for that that you can give girls? Make them get a brain tumor?

32:09 Drew The one I gave you.

32:12 Caller Oh, boy.

32:13 Adam Blow jobs all the way around.

32:14 Caller Good night, fellas. What are you doing?

32:19 Caller Hold still, dad.

32:21 Adam Jesus. You got to lose that mustache, bro. Hold on.

32:25 Caller I'm not done.

32:29 Caller Let's heal some babies.

32:30 Adam Drew, you take the right now.

32:32 Caller Hey, stop it.

32:33 Caller Stop it.

32:35 Drew Cranberries. Cranberries. Oh, hold on.

32:38 Caller Cranberries. That's a bad prison name.

32:40 Drew Wait, let's do this. Hold on.

32:42 Caller Sir, what did they call you in prison?

32:43 Adam Cranberry Jones.

32:44 David Alan Grier Cranberries. Cranberries.

32:46 Drew Let's take this one call first.

32:47 Adam Because I'm sweet and tall.

32:50 Drew Is this Drew?

32:52 Hello.

32:53 Drew Hi. What's going on?

32:55 Hi. How's it going?

32:56 Adam Good.

32:57 Good. Long time fan?

33:00 Adam First time fan.

33:01 Drew What's up?

33:04 Me and my girlfriend, we had sex earlier this evening, and we used condom, but it broke. We didn't realize it broke until after the fact. We know about the 72-hour pill. Listening to your show, we know a lot about that, right, that you can take it. So we got on the line immediately and visited Dr. Drew. We got the link to Planned Parenthood, but we called them and they're closed.

33:37 Drew I don't know of any evidence that the difference between six hours and 18 hours makes any difference.

33:43 Adam Well, you said they're closed for the weekend.

33:44 Drew Oh, for the weekend.

33:45 Adam They're closed tomorrow.

33:46 Drew Listen, what holler does he- You got to call, there's a, you're in California.

33:51 Adam A place that's open Thanksgiving.

33:52 Drew Well, the, oh, God.

33:55 Caller Humpy Joe's Free Clinic, isn't there one of them?

33:56 Drew You have to go to an Urgent Care Center, Drew. You may just have to go in. One of the things you can do is call-

34:00 Adam It's by the Fat Burger.

34:02 Drew Try one-

34:02 Adam By the airport.

34:03 Drew This phone number, 1-888-Not-Too-Late. N-O-T number two, late, L-A-T-E. Not too late. 1-888-Not-Too-Late. The Prevent People, I think it is, sets up that hotline to tell you where the drug is provided, who prescribes it, whatever.

34:18 Caller Isn't there a home method where you take some orange soda, shake it up and stick it in the old cave of love and let her spew? Spew? Yeah, won't that do the same thing?

34:26 Adam It's about 85%. I thought it was grape soda.

34:30 Caller You're right. My bad.

34:31 Drew Yes.

34:32 Caller Ah, jeez.

34:34 Drew Well, God bless them for planning.

34:35 Caller Yeah, yeah.

34:36 Drew Just one step short, you gotta keep that morning after pill available around.

34:40 Adam Well, you gotta get stuff before you need it.

34:43 Drew Morning after pill should be like a fire extinguisher in the kitchen.

34:45 Caller Really?

34:45 Caller I've never used one.

34:47 Drew Yourself?

34:48 Caller No, I've never used it in a relationship. If it broke, it was like, oh, man, that's messed up.

34:52 Adam But he's kind of, he's an A, big A. I mean, he does the anal pretty much exclusively.

34:57 Caller Yeah, listen.

34:58 Adam Most celebrities do.

35:00 Caller I like to please my lady friends.

35:02 Drew Most celebrities do.

35:03 Caller Most celebrities do.

35:05 Adam As they can.

35:06 Caller Adam, yeah, Adam does that.

35:07 David Alan Grier Give me the bud, baby. Come on.

35:10 Drew Granberries.

35:11 Adam Yeah.

35:11 Caller And what do you do right after?

35:13 Adam Yeah. I don't say give me the bud. I say present yourself to me. Present.

35:19 Caller Present haunches. There we go. And stay good, girl.

35:23 Adam Now fake orgasm and hand remote. David Alan Grier is here. We're going to come back. I'll give you a recipe for fresh cranberry sauce. Because what day is tomorrow, David?

35:35 Caller Turkey Day. Save a turkey.

35:39 Caller I'm going to sing my Thanksgiving song when we come back. So stay tuned.

35:42 Adam All right. We'll be back.

35:47 Caller Uh, back in a minute.

36:20 Caller I'm Adam Lakers Carolla.

36:23 Adam David Alan Grier is our guest tonight. Going to be at the Bray Improv all weekend, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Two shows, Friday and Saturday. Yeah, I was watching the news yesterday, and I saw Bush pardoning the turkeys. And I thought, doesn't this send a dangerous message to the Afghanistan fighters over there?

36:41 Caller Wait a minute. You took a left. You said pardoning the turkeys that we're eating tomorrow?

36:45 Adam No, pardoning, pardoning. Every year, the president pardons a couple of turkeys at the White House. It's like that, it's some sort of tradition. I don't know how long it's been going on, but it makes us look like posies as a country. And is it really news at this point? You know, there's Bush up there. And just, you know what he should do? One year, he should kill him with an axe during the news conference.

37:09 Caller He should slaughter and eat their gizzard.

37:10 Adam Just to keep people guessing like the groundhog.

37:13 Caller I'm crazy, but I'm not insane.

37:16 David Alan Grier God bless America.

37:17 Adam You know what would be great? Here's what I'd love. I'd love to say we're here for the annual pardoning of the turkeys. President Bush is here. And then Bush just pulls out a machete and just butchers the hell out of one and one and looks right in the camera and goes, been lying in your neck, Mo F-er.

37:32 Caller And what would Dr. Drew say?

37:33 David Alan Grier Stop right there.

37:35 Caller Let's go back with the knife.

37:36 Drew Sounds good, right?

37:36 Caller What's the knife?

37:37 Drew Let's go back. Now David has threatened to sing the Turkey song.

37:40 Caller I'm singing my elementary school, Schultz Elementary School.

37:43 Drew But I thought first we had to visit the song you sung last time for us. Last time you sang this one.

37:47 Caller Just like a little plop here, a little skeet there.

37:50 Caller Skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet, everywhere. Everybody, everybody skeet, skeet. That's how you do your three songs with me.

37:58 Caller That's on my CD.

37:59 Adam I'm going to guess that the Turkey song is very close to that.

38:20 Caller That's a cheer, baby.

38:22 Caller That is, baby.

38:24 Caller This is my Turkey song.

38:26 Caller 2001, 200, microphone check.

38:29 Caller What up, what up? Turkey sat on the backyard fence on Thanksgiving Day, and as he sat on the backyard fence, this is what he'd say.

38:39 Caller Oh, gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble.

38:40 Caller I don't like Thanksgiving Day.

38:41 Caller Hey, hey, hey, gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble.

38:43 Caller I would like to run away.

38:45 Caller Pfft, that's it.

38:46 David Alan Grier That's it, baby.

38:48 Caller Thank you.

38:50 Adam Later in the show, I'm gonna sing my YMCA Fun in the Water song.

38:55 Drew I got the Dreidel song coming.

38:56 Adam And Drew's got, well, save that for Christmas or Hanukkah is it worth?

39:04 Caller The Seven Days of Kwanzaa. I'll be singing on the next break.

39:06 Adam Oh yeah, when is that Kwanzaa?

39:08 Caller It was invented in the 70s. I really, I don't know.

39:10 Adam Do you see Kwanzaa fading out a little bit?

39:13 Caller I think it's getting more popular. There's like a concerted effort to make it more popular.

39:17 Adam You know what I always love? I like it when the filling stations, like to kiss a little black ass and put the banner up that says Happy Kwanzaa and stuff. You know, there's a bunch of racist Texas.

39:29 Caller Blacks got their own holiday. One day is not good enough.

39:32 Caller They need seven with the Acker Friend words and whatnot.

39:37 Adam Would you guys get mad if Whitey started participating in Kwanzaa?

39:41 Caller Yeah, man.

39:42 Adam You would?

39:43 Caller Bobo can get down.

39:44 Caller Bobo can get down too.

39:45 Adam You'd be all right?

39:46 Caller Absolutely. Would you be? Absolutely. I don't know anything about it. I really don't. It was invented in the 70s, man.

39:52 Adam I think.

39:53 Caller I got enough pressure on me.

39:54 Adam I think if some of the white Republican leaders start really getting into Kwanzaa, I think it would piss off some of the Kwanzaa leaders.

40:01 Caller Well, you kind of have your own Kwanzaa. It's called the New World Order, okay? So you get 364 days out the gear. Give us one, Adam.

40:09 David Alan Grier That's why we don't spar no more.

40:11 Caller Let's heal some babies, man. Enough with the pain, please.

40:13 David Alan Grier Jason.

40:14 Drew Jason.

40:14 David Alan Grier Jason.

40:15 Caller Hello?

40:15 Drew What's up, Jason?

40:16 Adam 26. What's going on?

40:18 Caller I have an ex-girlfriend. I lived in Ithaca, New York. I had to leave there. She came to my house one night and I broke up with her and went to Cornell. We went out and went partying with my friends. I come home and there's a car in my driveway. I broke up with this girl like two days prior to that. I realized it was her car. I saw my friend scout and went to the front of the house. Now I run to the back of the house, to the woods and went back to the back of the house.

40:41 Drew Hang on a second. She followed you down to Florida?

40:44 Caller No. Death thing. She came up and she had a shotgun. She pulled the shotgun on two of my friends.

40:50 Adam Is this in Ithaca?

40:51 Caller Yeah, in Ithaca.

40:52 Adam Okay.

40:52 Caller She pulled a shotgun on me there and my two my friends there. I went back to the back. She's like, where's Jason? Where's Jason? They're like, well, we don't know. We don't know. They were covering for me. Then I was inside and I was calling the police. Why? She was out front with my friends. The police showed up and she was pulling away. If they're pulling in, I go there. She goes up the road right there. They chased her. She got away that day.

41:13 Caller Wait a minute. She got away from the police?

41:15 Caller Yeah, well, yeah, because they took her. I go, they pulled her. She was pulling out, like, not even like 10 seconds. She pulled out and was going up the road. The sheriff pulled in. I was like, there she was, up the road. That's her. And they went after her. She got away. She came back. She pulled in the driveway. They went past her. She came back on the road. They called her the next day. The sheriff came up for me to fill out a complaint form. And I, you know, said what she did. They found the shotgun. They found two. She had two double out bucks. She was going to put a hole in me. And this is what the cop said. And the cop told me, you know, if I was smart, we'd tell everything I feel to move out of town. So I have a friend in Florida. So I'm down here.

41:47 Caller Yeah, but you got to go under an alias, dude.

41:49 You can't be like Jason.

41:50 Caller It's really, I'm scared.

41:53 Adam Oh, with the S-word.

41:54 Caller Let me ask you something, Jason, pump the brakes for a minute. Was she hot in the sack when you guys were kicking it?

41:59 Adam Yeah, we put him on hold for a second because he used the S-word, but he'll be back in one second.

42:04 Caller He needs to time out Mr. Jason. Hey, Jason, Mr. Foul Mouth, maybe that's why your girlfriend's chasing you.

42:09 Drew Jason, Jason, how long were you with her?

42:13 Caller Two months. I met her at a party. Whoa.

42:15 Drew Just two months.

42:16 Caller I just broke up. I was just with a seven-year relationship. I just got out of that. My friends were like, yeah, there's a girl for you. And I'm like, okay, I hooked up with her and then come to find out.

42:25 Caller Motor Mouth.

42:26 Drew Come to find out what?

42:28 Caller Well, her ex-boyfriend, she had an ex-boyfriend before that. She stabbed him in the stomach, but she gets away with it because she's bipolar and she's schizo and she's nuts. So I'm down in Florida now, in Fort Myers, and she called me up the other day and said, my new girlfriend now answered the phone. And she was like, you know.

42:47 Adam Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How'd she get your phone number in Fort Myers?

42:51 Caller Can we send him to the learning annex to a storytelling class? Because I can't follow this.

42:57 Caller I'll try to explain it the best I can.

42:58 Drew Why did your paying the ass friend give her your phone number?

43:01 Caller Because he's, I don't know.

43:02 Caller He's jerking around.

43:03 Caller Come on, it's fun.

43:04 Adam And how long ago did this happen?

43:08 Caller With Tara?

43:09 Adam I don't know. I don't know what her goddamn name is.

43:12 Drew There she is. She's right here.

43:14 Caller What does Tara do for a living?

43:16 Caller She does nothing. She's worthless. She's 21 years old.

43:19 Caller She's worthless.

43:21 Caller It's time to answer the phone. That's your life calling, Jason. She was worth enough to you, mister.

43:25 Drew So what did she say when she called you?

43:27 Caller She told me she was coming down. And all my friends are like, yeah, she's coming down and all that stuff. Because Amy, my new girlfriend, gave her a bunch of crap on the phone. You know, don't come near. You'll come here.

43:36 Adam How did you get a new girlfriend so fast in Florida?

43:39 Caller Oh, because I'm good.

43:40 Adam You just moved, didn't you?

43:42 Caller No, I've been here for a month.

43:44 Drew That's just moving.

43:45 Caller Weren't you following?

43:46 Adam No, I stopped listening. Listen, do you think she can find you is my question.

43:51 Caller Yeah, I'm scared because she pulled the shot gun at me once. Why won't she do it again?

43:54 Adam No, that's not my question. My question is, can she find you?

43:58 Caller Well, if she found my number, I'm sure she could find the answer.

44:01 Adam Hold on. I think it's BS now.

44:03 Caller It doesn't matter. It's the storytelling, Adam. I don't respect the storytelling, I respect. He's flapping off. I think this is a manic episode and I think Dr. Drew is going to pack me up. This young man has problems himself.

44:15 Adam Jason is weird because my thing is I don't want to see him die, but I wouldn't mind him losing a kidney or something. I have mixed feelings about him being shot. I don't think it would be all bad.

44:29 Caller Adam, if I called you tomorrow and I said, man, at 12 o'clock, I'm coming over, I'm going to kill you, would you be in your house going, oh my god, he's coming, oh, where, oh, no, you'd get out of the house.

44:39 Adam Well, I'm worried about his friend who told this chick where she is.

44:45 Caller Adam, I've always thought you were the best thing, and now you're talking about me like this is some joke. It's not a joke. I'm scared to go.

44:53 Adam Oh, big word again. I think he's BSing, I just do.

44:58 Caller Well, let's spend the whole hour because their soul's hurting, gentlemen. You know, tomorrow's turkey day.

45:03 Drew I don't know, I think it's, my question, though, is what are we gonna do?

45:07 Caller What has happened to you? You're like an old gay couple.

45:10 Caller Get off the stick and let's heal some people!

45:12 Drew Listen, other than tell him to get the local law enforcement involved, that's all he can do.

45:16 Caller All right, next caller. Tara, patch me through the next caller. Caller number two, fifteen. What's your problem?

45:22 Adam What happened to him? What happened to Jason? Did he hang up?

45:25 Caller Patch me through to Brian Jackson.

45:26 Drew You put him on hold.

45:27 Adam I put him on hold all Anderson.

45:29 Caller Christine Anaheim, you're twenty. Hit me off, girl.

45:31 Adam What's up? Who do you want to talk to?

45:33 Drew Christine. Let's get a cranberry recipe.

45:36 Caller Okay, okay, okay, okay.

45:37 Caller You want to hear the turkey song again?

45:38 Caller Uh...

45:40 David Alan Grier Okay, sorry, sorry.

45:41 Caller I was getting overheated.

45:42 Drew Cranberries.

45:44 David Alan Grier I've been much better, though, at this time of the year.

45:45 Drew You haven't been?

45:46 Adam Here's the deal. I am sickened by the amount and appalled by the amount of white trash it opens cans during this holiday season. And for some reason, it would not be acceptable for any vegetables or any of the meat or any of the entrees, but for some reason it has become acceptable for people to open a can of cranberries. And it is not for me. And I will not have it, not when it's so easy to make your own fresh cranberry sauce. And here's just how it goes.

46:16 Caller What's the final insult? When they have it in the shape of a can?

46:19 When it's serrated?

46:22 Adam When it, yes, like a can of dog food, like a can of dog food, it takes on the shape of the can. Drew, was I yelling about that last night?

46:32 Drew Yes.

46:33 Adam How much do I love this man?

46:35 Drew Oh, you sold me.

46:36 Adam We're here. Kindred spirits.

46:37 Caller We're here. Tell me about my black people. We're right here, my friend.

46:40 Adam You know what? I want to do a movie. I want to do a remake of The Defiant Ones, where you and I are chained together in escaping a prison.

46:48 Drew How about that great movie where Rosie Grier's head gets put on? That.

46:53 Adam In that, Robert Culp shoulders and he rides a motorcycle. You're Rosie Grier.

46:58 Caller Where you going, honky? Where you going, honky?

47:01 Adam Shut up, man. Just put this pillowcase on your head because the sheriff's in town.

47:05 Caller We got a winner, man.

47:07 Adam We got to write that up. We got to write that up. Come on, come on. All right, hold on. Now we got to go to break. We got to go to break. All right. But you'll be Rosie Grier.

47:13 Caller I will.

47:13 Adam I'll be Robert Culp.

47:15 Caller Absolutely.

47:15 Adam Ride the motorcycle. Drew will play the mad scientist. And we'll be back.

47:21 Caller All right, guys.

47:21 Caller Bottom line, here's the deal.

47:24 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

47:26 One call is all you need to make.

47:27 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:29 Drew 877-889-DATE.

47:34 Caller Love Line with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

47:36 Caller 1-800-LOVE-1-N-1.

47:40 Caller We'll be right back.

48:13 Caller Hey, everybody. Loveline, I'm Adam.

48:17 Adam Good riff there. That's Dr. Drew.

48:19 David Alan Grier And I'm Davey G.

48:21 Adam David Alan Grier is our guest tonight. Going to be at the Brea Improv all weekend, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Two shows, Friday and Saturday, and one show on Sunday.

48:33 David Alan Grier That's right.

48:34 Adam What do they do? Call that place, they get times and tickets and stuff like that?

48:37 Caller They can do that, they can make their reservations if they want to do that, if their ticket is still available.

48:43 Adam All right. Let me give the cranberry recipe right now. Work it out, man.

48:47 Caller Work it out.

48:47 Adam Let people know how simple it is. It is so simple, so simple, and I know David agrees with me on this. It is. You take a sack of cranberries, one of these just 12 ounce sacks of whole cranberries. You see them lying around the market at about this time of year. So, here's what it says, and you don't need to do anything to this. This works just fine. You take the sack of cranberries, and you take one cup of sugar and one cup of water, and you boil it rapidly until the berries pop open, about five minutes, and then you cool it, and you're done, and it is perfect. It is perfect, and that's it. Dump the cranberries in a pot, one cup of sugar, one cup of water, put the lid on it, boil it, and then turn the heat off, and it's done.

49:39 Caller I never had cranberries until I had like fresh cranberries. I was like, what have I been eating all these years?

49:43 Adam You've been eating that gelatinized crap that looks like dog food.

49:47 Caller Yeah.

49:48 Adam And then they slice it into those medallions.

49:52 Caller And that's abuse, isn't it, Dr. Drew? Get involved.

49:55 Adam It is.

49:55 Drew I don't know much about those words to describe that.

49:58 Adam Let me tell you how...

49:58 Caller And you can get addicted to those cranberries.

50:00 Adam Let me tell you how pissed off my Aunt Pat was two years ago when I brought a Tupperware container of fresh cranberries to her house. And when she pulled out the can, I pulled out the Tupperware. There's a little showdown there.

50:14 Drew That was last year, right?

50:14 Adam Well, OK Corral going on in the kitchen of their two-bedroom apartment in Santa Monica.

50:19 Drew As I recall, the ultimate irony was everyone else ate the canned stuff.

50:22 Adam No. And you ate the... No.

50:24 Caller Was it like Planet of the Apes and you're like...

50:25 Caller They wanted my stuff...

50:26 Caller .poking it and stuff? Did you... but your memoirs, Adam, as I recall, it's the title... It's Not About the Cranberries, right? It's...

50:35 Adam no, it's... my memoirs are called Listen to Me.

50:37 Drew Everyone Listen to Me.

50:38 Adam Everyone Listen to Me. Thoughts on Cranberries and other subjects. Everyone Listen to Me.

50:45 Caller Ah, hey, you a-hole, I know the answer.

50:48 Adam Jessica? Yeah? Hey, you're 16. What's up?

50:52 Caller Yes, I was wondering if there's like a tick version of Blue Balls that you can get?

50:58 Drew Women can get some pelvic congestion, but no, it doesn't progress to like that kind of discomfort that man times sometimes get.

51:03 Adam There's Green Clit.

51:05 Caller Oh, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, you're talking about that love button.

51:12 Drew What have you experienced, Jessica?

51:14 Caller I've been away from my boyfriend for like two months, and I'm used to sex on a regular basis. Since I've been away, I've been like totally faithful and I haven't done anything with anybody, and I have like the veins on my boobs. They're very showing and it hurts very much.

51:31 Caller Have you been masturbating at all?

51:33 Caller No.

51:33 Adam Why not?

51:34 Caller That's cheating.

51:35 Caller Because I don't believe in it.

51:36 Caller Why not?

51:37 Drew What do you mean believe in?

51:38 Caller I don't believe in female masturbation.

51:41 Drew What? You mean you don't believe it exists?

51:43 Caller No, I just think it's wrong.

51:45 What's wrong with it?

51:46 Caller It just is.

51:47 Caller It's safe sex, honey.

51:49 Drew Help us understand.

51:51 Caller I think it's gross.

51:52 Drew It's gross.

51:53 Caller Okay.

51:54 Adam How old do you eat meat? You're not vegan or anything, right? I'm just trying to figure out where your belief system is.

52:01 Drew Is there a chance you're pregnant?

52:01 Caller I'm Christian.

52:02 Drew Any chance you're pregnant?

52:03 Caller No.

52:04 Drew How do you know that?

52:05 Caller Because I'm on the depot shot. I just got pregnant recently.

52:09 Adam When is your boyfriend going to be paroled?

52:13 Caller He gets out on Wednesday.

52:14 Adam On Wednesday?

52:15 Caller Yeah.

52:16 Adam What's he in for?

52:18 Caller Violation of probation.

52:19 Drew Oh, she is the perfect loveline caller.

52:22 Caller That's right.

52:23 Caller And she said she's... You're Christian?

52:26 Drew Hold on a second.

52:27 Adam First off, does it say on the screen anything about her boyfriend being incarcerated?

52:31 Drew No, we didn't know anything about him being incarcerated.

52:32 Adam Don't give the wee crap.

52:34 Drew No, no, but here's what I'm going to give you kudos, but the fact is our callers, Adam will come up with something incredibly insightful that there's no way he should have known, and they'll just go right on like, of course. It's me we're talking about, so you must already understand that.

52:46 Caller They'll be trying to kill you?

52:47 Caller Yeah, just once.

52:49 Drew No, no, it will be that last time, but ever since then, it's been-

52:54 Adam Well, there's a couple of things. First off, because of her Christian beliefs and her delicate sensibilities, she does not believe in masturbation, although the dating felons, she has no difficulty with that.

53:07 Caller She gets pounded by a felon regularly.

53:09 Adam Number two, I always love what's he in for, for parole violation, as if everyone is born on to parole.

53:16 Caller Right, what happened before that? Well, he violated his other parole.

53:21 Adam He was born into the parole system and then he violated it.

53:24 Drew Let's make a prediction. What was the original event? Well, he was with some guys and one of the guys brought out a gun and he was there and the police just said he was accomplice.

53:33 Adam I'm going drugs. Jessica?

53:34 Caller He's originally from Grand Theft Auto.

53:40 Adam How old is he?

53:41 Caller 19.

53:42 Adam 19. This was his first offense, the Grand Theft?

53:48 Caller Yeah.

53:48 Adam What happened?

53:52 Caller His friend came over and he didn't know the car was stolen and they went out and it's accomplice to it.

53:57 Drew He didn't know. It's strangely, we've talked to thousands of people probably that are in jail. None of them strangely committed the crimes that they have.

54:05 Caller I'm in jail right now and I'm on a phone link and I tell you what, I am totally innocent.

54:10 Adam He's writing a book.

54:12 Drew It's always somebody else.

54:13 Adam You know what I like to do though, I love the explanation which is, so here's what happened. He was sitting at home, his friend came by and said, I got a new car, you want to go for a ride? He jumped in the car, the cops pulled him over and he did hard time.

54:27 Caller He took the rap because that was his best friend.

54:29 Adam Is that what happened?

54:30 Caller No, they both got time. It's just that my boyfriend got less time.

54:33 Drew That's what happened.

54:34 Adam Your boyfriend got time for getting into a car that he didn't know was stolen when his friend came by to give him a ride? Yes. He has the world's worst representation. No, that did not happen. He had to have some priors or some history or something like that. Did he have that? Did he get into trouble before? Not as far as I know. So, this could happen to any one of us on any day.

54:59 Drew You can't put time and kill for killing people, for Christ's sake.

55:02 Adam Right.

55:02 Drew It's true.

55:03 Adam Okay. All right. So, and then what was the parole violation?

55:07 Caller He was carrying a pocket knife.

55:09 Adam I see. So, this guy's basically done nothing and he's doing all this time.

55:13 Drew Carrying a pocket knife and then whipped it out and tried to kill someone.

55:17 Adam He threatened a pilot.

55:18 Caller Yeah.

55:18 He was trying to kill somebody.

55:19 Adam What's that?

55:20 Caller Somebody thought he stole something, so they had to search him.

55:23 Adam Right.

55:23 Caller And he had a knife on him.

55:24 Caller Did he happen to have this on him?

55:25 Caller Somebody thought he stole something, like shoplifting or something. Yeah. He's a keeper, honey.

55:30 Caller Marry him right now.

55:32 Adam All right. So, and he's 19.

55:34 Caller Yeah.

55:35 Adam And you're underage.

55:36 Caller Yeah.

55:37 Adam Fantastic.

55:38 Drew That's a parole violation, by the way.

55:39 Adam What do your folks think about this?

55:41 Caller They hate him.

55:42 Adam Okay. And are you doing this because they hate him?

55:45 Caller No.

55:46 Drew Do you hate your parents?

55:48 Caller Yes.

55:48 Drew Okay.

55:49 Caller Do you hate me?

55:50 Caller No.

55:50 Drew Let's see. When you hate your parents, bring somebody in that they hate. That's payback. That's good.

55:54 Adam Right. Okay.

55:56 David Alan Grier I'm usually that guy that's being injured.

55:58 Adam Jessica? Yeah? So don't masturbate. Yeah?

56:02 Drew Yeah. She's too damn. She's a vanishing flower.

56:04 Adam You could possibly, but you can't be pregnant because you're on the depot shot. Yeah. Are you around your period or something?

56:10 Caller No.

56:10 Drew Have you been pregnant in the past?

56:12 Caller No.

56:13 Drew And when was the last time you had a period?

56:15 Caller Like three weeks ago.

56:16 Caller How many kids do you have?

56:18 Caller None.

56:19 Drew How many shots have you taken?

56:19 Caller Are you sure?

56:20 Drew Depot.

56:21 Caller Hold on, Dr. Drew. I'm getting somewhere.

56:23 Drew How many cycles of the depo have you done?

56:25 Adam Four.

56:26 Drew So 12 months on depo?

56:27 Yeah.

56:29 Adam What do you think, Drew?

56:30 Drew I don't think it has anything to do with the sex.

56:32 Adam Okay. All right. So he's out soon?

56:35 Caller Yeah.

56:36 Adam All right. Well, good. You guys have some sex then and you can relieve all that congestion you have, pelvicly, all right?

56:43 Caller Okay.

56:44 Adam Good times there, baby.

56:45 Caller Thank you.

56:45 Adam All right.

56:46 Caller Hey, Dr. Drew.

56:46 Adam Good Christian.

56:47 Caller What do you think of this new patch, this contraceptive patch?

56:52 Drew It's going to be good.

56:54 Caller How is that different from the shot? It's a lower dose. That's what they said, right?

56:59 Drew I think it has some estrogen in it too or just progesterone?

57:02 Adam Dude, I'm confused on both.

57:05 David Alan Grier I think it has progesterone with the testosterone and the esterotosterone.

57:11 Adam I don't know how this works. You actually jack off onto the patch?

57:15 Drew You do. Then stick it on.

57:18 Caller It's a wipe up. No, it's ripping off her wife over to go.

57:21 Drew There's some newer methods. There's a male contraceptive.

57:22 Caller Adam, do you know what I just said? I said, you're ripping off the right person. Sorry, Dr. Drew.

57:25 Drew There's a male contraceptive coming.

57:27 Caller Really?

57:28 Adam That's going to work. See, I said to Drew that I think the male contraceptive will result in more pregnancies by scum balls saying that they are on it.

57:39 Caller Baby, I'm cool.

57:41 Caller Do you know they're developing a Viagra? I met a Viagra salesman in Miami at the Delano Hotel. He told me that they're coming out with a Viagra that goes under the tongue and it hits you in 30 seconds. I'm like, do you need that?

57:51 Drew Yes.

57:52 Caller I don't have sex with you now.

57:55 Adam What's the regular Viagra take, 15 minutes?

57:57 Drew 20, 30 minutes.

57:58 Caller Can't wait. Can't wait.

57:59 Adam Don't you know when you're going to get laid?

58:01 Caller Can't wait. You may jump up on something at a stoplight or something.

58:04 Drew Let's say your partner is suddenly ready. You go, hang on, just 20 minutes. Just Murphy Brown, one episode. Here we go.

58:12 Caller He said under the tongue.

58:15 Caller It's crazy.

58:16 David Alan Grier It's a crazy world, Adam.

58:17 Caller Gene?

58:19 Adam Yeah. You're 40. What's going on?

58:22 Caller I have a question. First of all, I want to tell you guys you guys are awesome.

58:25 Adam Oh, thanks.

58:26 Caller Hope you guys have a great Thanksgiving.

58:28 Adam Thank you, Gene.

58:29 Caller Listen to you every night coming home from work. I have a question in regards to if a guy was to receive head, is there any way he could pick up any diseases?

58:40 Caller Sure.

58:41 Drew Herpes, Chintrivitus, Halitosis, Hepatitis, HIV.

58:48 Caller You can get everything.

58:50 Drew Anything you can get.

58:51 Caller Gonorrhea, right?

58:52 Drew Yeah. Anything you can get from the genitals, you can get to the mouth.

58:55 Adam You get gonorrhea, really?

58:56 Drew Sure. But does it happen frequently? No. I've seen like-

58:59 Adam It could happen.

59:00 Drew I think I've seen one case.

59:02 Caller Really? Yeah.

59:04 Caller Where do you live, Gene? I mean, yeah, Gene, he lives in-

59:08 Caller Tracy.

59:09 Caller Right. Wasn't that where the patient was from, that one case?

59:12 Caller Yeah.

59:15 Caller Oh my God.

59:17 Adam Gene, what happened? Who did you get this from?

59:21 Caller The coworker. Long story, but make it short. Last August of 2000, I'd been without sex from my wife for almost a year. Got weak at a party, a work party, and this lady that I work with gave me head.

59:39 Adam Wow.

59:40 Caller I mean, that's been over a year.

59:41 Adam It's better than 401K.

59:43 Drew So what's happened since that year that caused you to call now?

59:45 Caller Well, the reason I'm questioning it is because the wife's been acting weird lately and she went to the doctor today and hadn't said anything and we'd had sex about, actually had sex about a month ago and so it just occurred to me, it's like, dang.

1:00:01 Adam Well, did the old lady never found out about this, right?

1:00:05 Caller No, you're fine.

1:00:06 Adam Oh, no, no, no, no. No, all right, you're good.

1:00:07 Drew You're fine. Why weren't you having sex with your wife?

1:00:10 Caller Oh man, that's a long story and it has nothing to do with infidelity, it's just, she's, ever since she had our kids, unfortunately, I think she's been kind of off. I'm fat.

1:00:22 Adam Did she, is she back now?

1:00:25 Caller No. How old are your kids? Eight and three.

1:00:29 Drew Wow, is she getting treated?

1:00:31 Caller Nope.

1:00:32 Caller You know what, there's a book, though, there's a book that you should read, it's for women only. I'm swear to you.

1:00:38 Adam It's called Spread Them Bitch.

1:00:39 Caller It's called For Women Only and it's like, it's a sister team that they have a sexual dysfunction clinic here in LA. One is a psychologist and the other is a gynecologist, and it's about women's sexual dysfunction. You should read that book.

1:00:55 Caller It's very informative.

1:00:57 Adam Well, she should read it, right?

1:00:58 Caller Yeah, but he should read it so he can understand his wife. If you love her, if you're a man, if you're not going to run away and give your little head from your co-worker to my daughter.

1:01:08 Adam They also have it as a book on tape. It's read by Brenda Vaccaro.

1:01:19 Caller All right.

1:01:20 Adam Hey, Jeannie, you need to talk to her. This is unacceptable.

1:01:23 Caller You do. Tell baby doll, give you a reach around or something, man.

1:01:25 Drew Come on. You guys need some work. You're right.

1:01:28 Caller Believe me, I understand.

1:01:29 Drew On behalf of your kids, why don't you get a little professional assistance on this?

1:01:33 Caller Yeah.

1:01:33 Drew Relationship is in.

1:01:34 Caller Then when you get when you get healthy, you'll start hitting it in the afternoon with her.

1:01:38 Caller I did a call back.

1:01:39 Caller Remember one of those earlier calls?

1:01:40 Caller Yeah.

1:01:41 Adam On Sunday.

1:01:41 Caller Yeah. On Sunday. Dr. Drew, what's going on? I remember now. The short term is gone.

1:01:47 Adam Chris.

1:01:48 Hello.

1:01:48 Adam Hey, you're 14. What's up?

1:01:51 Caller I have man boobs and I wanted to ask Drew why they're here and how can I make them go away and stuff?

1:01:57 Drew You are 14. That's sort of the age in which guys get that. And that's the result of estrogen produced from your adrenal glands. Nice rack. And converted. It's the hormones produced by adrenals converted into a estrogen like compound. And they usually do go away, though they can stay. And if they really trouble you, they can be surgically taken.

1:02:16 Adam Are you overweight?

1:02:18 Caller No.

1:02:19 Adam No, really?

1:02:19 Drew Do you smoke a lot of pot?

1:02:20 Caller No.

1:02:21 Drew No.

1:02:21 Caller What does that happen with kids that aren't overweight at all?

1:02:24 Drew Yes.

1:02:25 Caller Yes.

1:02:25 Drew Very common.

1:02:25 Adam What cup are you?

1:02:26 Caller I see your breaths are fabulous, Dr. Drew.

1:02:30 Drew Stand ahead of my hands.

1:02:31 Caller Very nice. Very nice.

1:02:33 Adam Hey, Chris?

1:02:34 Caller Yeah?

1:02:34 Adam Yeah. Chicks dig that though because it makes them feel by.

1:02:40 Caller They like to cup them gently in their hands.

1:02:42 Adam Right.

1:02:43 Drew There's a lot of experimentation these days.

1:02:44 Adam Yeah. So what can he do? I mean, does he get surgery?

1:02:48 Drew No, no, just hang tough. They will probably settle down. Work out, keep watch your diet.

1:02:52 Adam Wait, should he be doing some flies or some pushups?

1:02:55 Caller Does he tell you something? My pops, my dad, God bless him. His answer for everything was do some pushups.

1:03:01 Caller Do some pushups, son.

1:03:03 Caller Now go on. Seriously?

1:03:05 Drew You're going to let him man your dad.

1:03:08 Caller Yeah. He's a psychiatrist.

1:03:11 Adam Is he proud of you or kind of embarrassed?

1:03:14 Caller It depends on the day. He's seen a lot of my work.

1:03:16 Drew Yeah, he's seen what? McHale's Navy? Embarrassed.

1:03:18 Caller Yeah, he did.

1:03:19 Caller We were in session that day.

1:03:21 Caller We were in session and we were in session.

1:03:23 Caller What are you thinking?

1:03:24 Caller I want to know your thoughts. I don't want to interrupt.

1:03:25 David Alan Grier Just free flow.

1:03:26 Caller Tell me where you're at right now.

1:03:29 Caller Come on, guys. We're lagging. Turkey's tomorrow.

1:03:32 Drew When did Dad stop? I like that show.

1:03:33 Caller What?

1:03:35 Caller It was on till the end of the last season and then it wasn't picked up. A lot of heavy pain there, Drew. Thanks for opening that door.

1:03:42 Drew No, but it was a good show. You should feel good about it.

1:03:43 Caller Well, yeah, I do feel good and stuff.

1:03:46 Drew Good thing about TV. Everything bad gets ruined and canceled. Everything good, I mean, gets screwed up by TV.

1:03:51 Caller Yeah.

1:03:53 Adam All the stuff I heard about Dag was that it was good.

1:03:57 Caller I know, but it was the writing stunk, so they took it off. But, you know, you move on with your life and with the aid of drugs and counseling. Thanks a lot, Dr. Drew.

1:04:08 David Alan Grier You get me through these, what I call my dark days, you know, under the couch with the cat. Dr. Drew is talking to me.

1:04:15 Adam Christine?

1:04:16 Yeah.

1:04:17 Adam You're 20?

1:04:17 Caller Yes.

1:04:18 Adam What's up?

1:04:19 Caller Um, I've got this problem about eating and going out in public, and it's really hard because I work nights at my job, so I go like all day without eating and I go home and I eat real quick and then Is it the eating or the being out in open spaces in public? It's not the eating because I'm fine if I'm home all day, I'll eat all day.

1:04:39 Drew Right. It's when you go out in the big crowds and things.

1:04:41 Caller Yeah, it's if I have to go somewhere.

1:04:43 Adam Wait, I don't understand the eating part.

1:04:45 Drew It's just a coincidence. That's when she has to go out in the crowds in public.

1:04:48 Caller Yeah, I'm afraid of eating and going out.

1:04:51 Caller I'm afraid of getting sick or something.

1:04:53 Drew Well, this is agoraphobia.

1:04:54 Adam You're scared of eating agoraphobia. You're scared of eating at home and then going out.

1:05:03 Caller Yeah, if I have to go somewhere, I won't eat.

1:05:07 Adam But you have no difficulty going somewhere if you don't eat.

1:05:10 Caller Yeah, I'm fine.

1:05:11 Adam Zero. You go on a crowded subway?

1:05:14 Caller I'm fine if I don't eat.

1:05:17 Caller Have you ever suffered bouts of bulimia or anorexia?

1:05:20 Caller When I was about 13, I was anorexic for a little while. I'm a manic depressant, and I was anorexic for a little while.

1:05:27 Adam I wish David wouldn't have eaten before he came out to the studio.

1:05:31 David Alan Grier Have you ever loaded up on tortilla pies?

1:05:34 Drew And choritos.

1:05:35 David Alan Grier A couple of choritos, a couple of glasses of Merlot, and some yogurt?

1:05:40 Drew Christine, I still think this may be a form of agoraphobia, because it's more about being out in open spaces, and you've somehow coupled that with the eating experience. And what happens is sometimes people have it in real isolated experiences and it starts to sort of generalize into more and more areas of their life. You know that you've got psychiatric stuff going on, you're under treatment. Do you talk to your psychiatrist about these particular symptoms?

1:06:04 Caller No. I mean, when I was diagnosed back when I was like 13, I saw a therapist, but then I got pregnant at 16, and I just stopped going to my therapist and stuff.

1:06:14 Drew What about the psychiatrist who's treating you?

1:06:16 Caller I don't see a psychiatrist.

1:06:18 Drew Are you on medication? You're untreated bipolar?

1:06:20 Caller Yeah. I was treated. I was on some antidepressant medicine.

1:06:24 Drew I understand, but that's not too smart to go around untreated with. That's a chronic illness, bipolarity.

1:06:28 Caller You're insane.

1:06:29 Drew Let's get back to the psychiatrist and see what really is going on here, because you need a diagnosis right now for what you're experiencing.

1:06:34 Caller What if she's not really bipolar?

1:06:36 Caller I mean, she's-

1:06:37 Drew That's possible, but she's having symptoms right now. What if that's a hoax?

1:06:39 Caller I know, but you said I'm bipolar just because now I'm all calm and stuff, and I keep talking, and I don't have that control, and I can't shut up, and I keep talking about all my problems. Me, me, me, me, me.

1:06:49 Caller I'm not bipolar.

1:06:50 Adam And doing the turkey song.

1:06:52 Drew Do that meat thing again.

1:06:54 Caller Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

1:06:56 Caller Turkey song. I'm coming over to Dr. Drew's tomorrow, man.

1:07:01 Caller I'll give you the address.

1:07:02 David Alan Grier We're going to have a soul.

1:07:05 Caller You have a girl?

1:07:06 Adam We have to stop that place.

1:07:11 Caller That was my car racing. Let's save the babies.

1:07:14 Caller All right, put caller five through.

1:07:16 Drew Here, it's Adam.

1:07:17 Adam Hold on, I want to say something. I don't care about Christine, but I was thinking about yogurt. And I was thinking about the fruit on the bottom yogurt and how I'm so goddamn lazy that I'm discouraged now when I see the fruit on the bottom. It's like, I can't mix that up. I got to get my assistant to do that. But here's the reason why I don't like the fruit on the bottom. Not enough lip on the top of the yogurt cup to stir it. So here's my invention. I just wrote it down. Fruit in the middle. Fruit in the middle. That would be a huge seller.

1:07:49 Caller Fruit in the middle.

1:07:50 Caller And that's a song for the throat.

1:07:52 David Alan Grier I like a girl with fruit in the middle.

1:07:58 Caller Fruit in the middle.

1:08:02 Adam Seriously, fruit in the middle or fruit at the bottom with an extra half inch of lip on the cup so you can get some stirring action in there.

1:08:10 Drew Just to reinvent the yogurt cup.

1:08:13 Adam Yeah, just a little extra lip there.

1:08:15 Caller You're going to be on QVC in about ten years Adam, or just a crazy old man.

1:08:19 Drew Or just a manufacturing process where you put the can upside down in a new cup that has room to spin.

1:08:26 Adam Now you're getting too crazy now, Drew.

1:08:28 Caller Have you had a flu shot, Dr. Drew?

1:08:29 Adam I have in fact. Fruit in the middle, fruit in the middle yogurt.

1:08:33 Caller Fruit in the middle, like a girl with a big bite, but fruit in the middle.

1:08:40 Adam Ian?

1:08:41 Hey, how's it going?

1:08:42 Adam Hey, you're 36. What's up?

1:08:45 Caller How are you, Adam?

1:08:46 Adam Good.

1:08:47 Caller Hi, Dr. Drew.

1:08:48 Drew Hi, Ian. What's up?

1:08:49 Caller Well, I've just been listening to your show since very many years, a lot of years. And tonight, I had a strange feeling. I needed to call to let people know that it's okay. It's really okay. I've been listening to people say they don't like to masturbate, things like, it's okay. It's a great, I mean, we can't do that.

1:09:22 Caller All right, all right, all right.

1:09:23 Caller Okay.

1:09:24 Caller The pleasure ourselves is the best. Yeah.

1:09:27 Adam And then who you're preaching to the choir here, buddy.

1:09:30 Caller One caller said, You're masturbating right now. You know what I'm saying?

1:09:33 Caller Hey, the one caller says she's 15 and she's dating a 25 year old man.

1:09:40 Adam Right.

1:09:41 Caller Can't understand that. That's very unsafe. And I don't like that. I was very disturbed about that.

1:09:47 Adam Well, we'll put you down as a nay on that one. What's going on with your life, Ian?

1:09:53 Caller My life is wonderful. I, you know, for about a good portion of it, actually, I did a lot of drugs and...

1:10:02 Adam You're kidding.

1:10:03 Drew Shock.

1:10:03 Caller I know.

1:10:04 Adam Shocking. No.

1:10:05 Drew You're not drinking now?

1:10:06 Adam Not my Ian.

1:10:06 Caller I had a lot of alcohol, but when I reached 27 years of age, I found something that completely changed my life.

1:10:16 Caller What is that?

1:10:16 Caller Alcoholics Anonymous.

1:10:18 Caller Oh, good for you.

1:10:18 Caller Very good.

1:10:19 Caller Yeah.

1:10:20 Caller Completely changed my life.

1:10:22 Adam What are you doing now? Are you working?

1:10:24 Caller Oh, yeah. Got a nice job. I've been working at the same job for about 10 years.

1:10:29 Adam What job is that?

1:10:31 Caller Grocery store. I work in Vaughn's grocery store. Union? Yes. Union?

1:10:36 Adam Hey, how about you float my fruit in the middle yogurt idea tomorrow?

1:10:41 Caller You like it in the middle?

1:10:43 Adam Yeah, like when the Yoplayer, the Newton guy comes around?

1:10:47 Drew Or the new container, just the container with his room and his stirrer.

1:10:49 Caller No, but seriously, Dr. Drew, I want to ask you a very important question.

1:10:52 Drew All right, Ian, go ahead.

1:10:53 David Alan Grier It's sweet, it's juicy, it's fruit in the middle.

1:10:59 Caller Why do so many young people have so many sexual issues?

1:11:03 Caller Because we don't talk about sex in a normal, free, and open, and healthy way.

1:11:06 Drew No, I actually disagree with that. I think that a lot of the abuse and abandonment in childhood gets converted into strategies that include sexuality in adolescence.

1:11:16 Caller Because sexuality is hidden and it's not talked about openly.

1:11:20 Drew We talk about it all the time.

1:11:21 Caller These are my genitals, Dr. Drew.

1:11:23 Caller Don't close your eyes.

1:11:24 Caller Look at them.

1:11:24 Drew Put them away.

1:11:25 Caller No, touch them.

1:11:26 Drew They're beautiful.

1:11:27 Caller Stroke them.

1:11:28 Caller It's just skin, Dr. Drew.

1:11:31 Drew I don't know. I've never heard a scrotum described as just skin.

1:11:33 Caller Would you let go of it now, please?

1:11:35 Drew The dartos tunic here has a special quality to it. But the fact is that they do see sexuality as a way of managing feelings. So just like the way you use drugs, they use sex. It feels good and works for them. The attractions they have are completely screwed up because of the abandonments and the dysfunction in childhood.

1:11:54 Adam Hey, Ian, how are the cranberries selling this year?

1:12:00 Caller You know what? People don't buy bagged cranberries.

1:12:05 Caller You're breaking my heart, brother.

1:12:06 Caller I worked out with you at the produce department.

1:12:08 Adam You are breaking my heart.

1:12:09 Caller You know what? When you said cranberries, he chuckled very knowingly.

1:12:14 Caller People just like an easier way out of things.

1:12:16 Adam They buy the can.

1:12:17 Caller But you know, Ian, people would buy a relationship in a can if they could. Right, fellas?

1:12:21 Adam That's right. Hey, bravo, bravo.

1:12:23 Caller How do you guys want to buy a relationship in a bag?

1:12:27 Adam Ian, here's the deal. The next time you see some MFer walking out with a can of cranberries, especially around this season, I want you to tackle his ass in the aisle and start yelling about, why not grab a canned turkey? Why not some canned stuffing?

1:12:44 Drew Spam.

1:12:44 Caller Stuff your wife and kids in a can.

1:12:46 Adam Shut up, Drew. I'm trying to make a point here about the holidays here. You don't eat spam during the holiday. You see what I'm saying? Why not the can?

1:12:53 Caller That's not a good improvisation.

1:12:54 Adam Yeah, that's bad. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. David Alan Grier is our guest of the day.

1:12:59 David Alan Grier I like a girl with a big butt but fruit in the middle is juicy, is sweet because it's fruit and in the middle.

1:13:09 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:13:11 Caller We'll be right back.

1:13:45 Caller Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew.

1:13:51 Caller And I'm David Alan Grier.

1:13:52 Adam David Alan Grier, me, Drew, and David, all talking smack about people who make more money than we do.

1:13:58 I like my fruit in the middle.

1:14:01 Drew I like a girl with a big butt butt, fruit in the middle.

1:14:04 Adam Fruit in the middle.

1:14:05 David Alan Grier That's it, baby.

1:14:06 Caller I'm going to be in Vegas going, look here, girl, you got some fruit in the middle, because give me that, give me that, give me that.

1:14:10 Drew Oh, wait a minute, listen to this. Adam, you'll be done, just go back to this call.

1:14:13 Adam All right, somebody's got a yoga name?

1:14:16 Drew Cranberry.

1:14:16 Adam Oh, cranberry.

1:14:17 Oh, oh, oh.

1:14:18 Drew Here you go.

1:14:19 Adam Jessica?

1:14:20 Caller Yeah.

1:14:20 Adam You're 18? You work at a grocery store?

1:14:23 Caller Yeah, I work for Albertsons.

1:14:24 Adam All right.

1:14:25 Caller I just wanted to say that the last guy who worked at Vaughn's, I don't know where he works, but over here in Corona, everyone's buying the, they're making their own cranberries this year.

1:14:43 Adam Good time. You're not just saying that so I can sleep tonight, Jessica?

1:14:47 Caller No, no. I'm serious.

1:14:49 Drew Did Ethel Marman just come in here? Yeah.

1:14:50 Adam Okay, good.

1:14:51 Caller You know, I was on Broadway, gentlemen.

1:14:53 Caller Oh, you were? Absent Scrutleys.

1:14:54 Drew What did you play?

1:14:55 Caller I played a young black man.

1:14:57 Drew In?

1:14:57 Caller The first Negro baseball player. Now, if that's not the makings of a broader look at Adam's face, we're on the radio. Guys, dang, I wish you could see. Adam's just cutting up here. His eyebrows are jumping all over everywhere.

1:15:07 Adam I'm trying to figure this out.

1:15:09 Caller Yeah. Jackie Robinson.

1:15:11 Adam You play Jackie Robinson?

1:15:12 Caller That was my first job, and I had songs like, I can play this game as good as the white man.

1:15:21 Drew Genius.

1:15:22 Caller Yeah.

1:15:23 David Alan Grier We closed very early. It lasts like three weeks.

1:15:28 Adam The Grand Slam for equality.

1:15:31 Caller He can't because he's a don't say that word.

1:15:35 Caller Not here in my office.

1:15:37 Caller You know, stuff like that. There was one of that. There was really bad.

1:15:42 Caller Joel Siegel wrote it up very good.

1:15:45 Adam Jessica? Well, Jesus. What critic could really tear that show a new way hole? You know, I mean, they did. They went to the front.

1:15:53 Caller They went to the part. It was Broadway.

1:15:54 Adam So you're selling lots of cranberries.

1:15:56 Caller Yeah.

1:15:56 Adam Well, you're doing the Lord's work over there.

1:15:59 David Alan Grier You are. Spread the gospel, baby.

1:16:00 Caller I just wanted to say Dag. Dag was awesome.

1:16:03 David Alan Grier Thanks, baby. You know what I'm making for you tomorrow? I'm making some cranberries. Because you know why? I like my fruit in the middle.

1:16:09 Caller By the Albertsons.

1:16:11 Caller And here in the middle.

1:16:12 Adam Let me tell you the real the real tragedy of Dag. It's just another 87 episodes and they could have got to syndication.

1:16:19 Caller I would have been a bloated, drug-addled happy man.

1:16:26 Caller David, it's Dr. Drew.

1:16:27 Caller Open up.

1:16:28 Caller I got the syringes.

1:16:29 Caller Come on.

1:16:29 Drew No, no, no. It would be the intervention team.

1:16:31 Adam Yeah. Crash unit would be in there. Well, he comes out once a week in a journey to collect his residual check.

1:16:40 David Alan Grier Last week in the Beverly Center.

1:16:41 Drew Yelling about his scrotum every time. Look at this.

1:16:46 Caller Just don't want to wind up on behind the music.

1:16:48 Caller The real Dr. Drew.

1:16:50 Caller I love that.

1:16:52 David Alan Grier I love behind the music.

1:16:53 Drew They'll never do it about us. It's like, be in front of the border.

1:16:57 Adam Now, I think if Dag got this indication, I would say that David would be like an Eric James type place in just a matter of months.

1:17:06 Caller I would. I would.

1:17:07 Adam A lot of people would tie up, tied to the bed.

1:17:11 Caller He's still living though. Now, he looks like just a maternally man, you know? Right.

1:17:18 Adam No, he looks like Donna Summers now.

1:17:21 Caller I know.

1:17:23 Caller Love to love you, baby. Love to love you.

1:17:26 Caller Let's heal some babies, guys.

1:17:27 Adam Dustin?

1:17:28 Yes.

1:17:29 Adam You're 15?

1:17:30 Caller Yes.

1:17:31 Adam What's up?

1:17:32 Caller Well, I had a spoon and I was flipping it around my finger.

1:17:36 Caller And it hit me on my testicle. And, well, it hurts.

1:17:42 Adam I got a spork caught up my ass once.

1:17:45 Spork? Yeah. What's a spork?

1:17:47 Adam Well, it's a spoon and a fork.

1:17:49 Caller Dustin, I think Adam, in his I Don't Want to Deal with Emotions way, his man way, he's trying to tell you maybe he doesn't quite believe your story. I do. Go ahead.

1:17:59 Adam What size was the spoon?

1:18:01 Caller Well, let's see. It was a soup spoon.

1:18:04 Drew Is your testy swelling or anything? Is the testy swelling?

1:18:08 Caller Well, a little bit.

1:18:10 I can't really tell.

1:18:12 Drew Well, how bad is the pain right now?

1:18:14 The pain?

1:18:15 Caller Well, it hurts a lot.

1:18:16 Caller I'm wondering what I should do.

1:18:19 Drew How long ago did this happen?

1:18:21 Caller About an hour, hour and a half maybe.

1:18:24 Drew If it's still swollen or painful tomorrow, go to an emergency room. You need to get an ultrasound. You can actually fracture your testy.

1:18:30 Adam What about ice on the sack? How come you don't do that?

1:18:32 Drew You can put some ice on it. I had a guy take a hockey puck, direct hit like an egg.

1:18:39 Adam Really? So you mean crank the testy open like an egg?

1:18:42 Drew No, it didn't open to the surface, but the ultrasound was fractured.

1:18:47 Adam No, I didn't open to the air, but the testy was just broken open.

1:18:52 Drew Broken open.

1:18:52 David Alan Grier Ow, ow, ow, that hurt.

1:18:56 Drew It was out.

1:18:57 Caller Now, what are the little, what are the little, like, extension cords that attach the-

1:19:01 Drew The spermatic cord?

1:19:02 Caller Yeah, I had a friend in college where they became tangled.

1:19:04 Drew Oh, that's the torsion.

1:19:05 Caller Yes, he was on the floor of his apartment. He could not get up and he was banging on the floor for hours until finally the landlord, they broke in and they took him to the hospital.

1:19:16 Adam I mean, he couldn't get up, make to the door.

1:19:17 Caller He could not stand up. No, he could not stand up and he was like, he wasn't passed out, but he was just banging on the floor. You know, and he couldn't get to the phone because imagine the wires on your sack get, oh, ow.

1:19:29 Drew What happened to Doug, Ann's husband last night? Anybody know, Lauren?

1:19:32 Adam All right. We will.

1:19:34 Drew He's all right.

1:19:35 Caller Did his sack got wrapped around fingers?

1:19:40 Drew Well, he had a bowel obstruction last night.

1:19:42 Caller Bowel obstruction?

1:19:43 Adam Well, no, he doesn't have a sack. The producer, Ann, keeps that in a mason jar in the basement of the house.

1:19:51 Caller Did they find, did they get the turkey lodged in his lower bowels?

1:19:54 Drew The turkey?

1:19:56 Caller She shoved the yard bird up the old poopy chute.

1:20:01 Adam Robert?

1:20:01 Yeah.

1:20:02 Adam You're 19, what's up?

1:20:04 Caller Hey, man, can I start by saying David Alan Grier is one funny, funny man.

1:20:08 Caller What's up, man?

1:20:09 Adam He is.

1:20:09 Caller It's not about funniness right now, brother. We're trying to help you.

1:20:12 Drew It's about fruit in the middle when it comes to David.

1:20:14 Caller Because you know what I dig?

1:20:15 Drew Fruit in the middle.

1:20:17 Caller I like a girl with a big butt. All right.

1:20:19 Caller What's up, babe? What's going on?

1:20:21 Caller I got a 17-year-old girlfriend. And there's a girl on earlier talking about she wanted to give her boyfriend head. And I'm wondering how do I get my girl from a guy to girl's perspective.

1:20:32 Drew That's a more usual kind of concern.

1:20:35 Caller Some girls don't like it.

1:20:38 Caller That's the thing. She's pretty straight, too.

1:20:40 Adam She's not very experimental. Yeah. Not a free spirit.

1:20:45 Caller Here's what I do. Cut to the chase. Get her loaded.

1:20:47 Adam Right.

1:20:48 Caller You tie her to the bed. Spank her lightly on the butt cheeks.

1:20:51 Drew How old is she?

1:20:52 Caller She's 17.

1:20:53 Drew 17.

1:20:54 Caller Way to go.

1:20:55 Drew Spank her.

1:20:55 Caller Call her. Talk dirty.

1:20:58 Drew 17.

1:21:00 Adam How long have we been together?

1:21:01 Caller About five months.

1:21:02 Adam Are you having sex?

1:21:03 Caller No.

1:21:06 Caller You may want to wait till you start getting, you know.

1:21:08 Caller Yeah.

1:21:08 Adam How far are you getting with her?

1:21:10 Caller Just hand jobs.

1:21:12 Adam Nice. Really?

1:21:12 Drew That may be where she wants to keep it. You know what I'm saying? It's sort of a natural, you know what I mean? There's a sort of progression around the hand.

1:21:19 Caller Let me ask you something. Can you transition to just getting the hand jobs?

1:21:23 Drew Back to that?

1:21:24 Caller Yeah.

1:21:24 David Alan Grier If you've been hitting it like really hard.

1:21:25 Drew It sounds kind of nice to you.

1:21:27 Caller Kind of transition out just like, look at you go. Yeah. Hook me up real quick.

1:21:32 Drew Helps you relive your high school experience.

1:21:33 Caller That's nice.

1:21:34 Adam No, not me. It would be like driving an old Mazda pickup truck.

1:21:39 Caller A good technique is hard to find. Yeah, it's hard. Good technique is hard to find.

1:21:43 Adam Besides, about halfway into the hand job, I would go, get out of there.

1:21:47 Caller You don't have to.

1:21:49 Adam Give me that.

1:21:49 Caller Let me have that.

1:21:50 Caller Drip it firmly like a handshake and work it out.

1:21:55 Adam Hey, Robert.

1:21:56 Caller Yeah.

1:21:57 Adam You need to be patient. What if you went down on her?

1:22:01 Caller There's an idea.

1:22:02 Adam Yeah, that's always a good. There's a good way to get what you want out of somebody.

1:22:07 Drew Use guilt.

1:22:08 Caller I got a problem with that, though.

1:22:09 Adam What's the problem?

1:22:10 Caller She doesn't shave. So?

1:22:13 Drew Well, wait a minute. BS.

1:22:15 Adam We don't believe her?

1:22:16 Drew No.

1:22:17 Caller There's no girl in America who doesn't shave.

1:22:18 Drew No. How does he know?

1:22:20 Caller Because I've been going down on her with my hand. That's true.

1:22:23 Caller That's true.

1:22:24 Caller All right.

1:22:25 Adam Just get down there and deal with it.

1:22:27 Caller Yeah, but you can trim her up.

1:22:28 Caller What if it itches my nose and makes me laugh or something?

1:22:33 Adam See, we try to help.

1:22:34 David Alan Grier We try to help these babies.

1:22:35 Adam We try to help. Listen, you guys, you don't know what it was like back when you had to deal with that. Deal all that hair. Yeah.

1:22:45 Drew When that was the norm. Yeah. Just check out some of those playboys from the 70s.

1:22:49 Caller Yeah. I tell you what, that vintage 70s porn. They had muffs down there.

1:22:54 Adam Little afros. You in New England in the winter, mid-late 70s.

1:23:01 Drew You were there then too?

1:23:02 Caller You were chomping. You were chomping on hair a lot of times. Yeah. In the early explorations before you found that little love button.

1:23:08 Adam Trying to eat a Tribble.

1:23:11 Caller Yeah.

1:23:11 Adam Right?

1:23:12 Caller But does every girl have to shave bald now? I mean, it's like...

1:23:16 Adam Yeah. No. I don't like the shave bald thing because it's a real weird adolescent thing.

1:23:21 Caller I know. I don't like hearts. I don't want a lightning bolt. Just, you know, trim it.

1:23:27 Adam Right. Right.

1:23:28 Drew Make it look natural?

1:23:29 Caller Yeah.

1:23:30 David Alan Grier Well, I don't want it to look...

1:23:31 Caller You mean like natural, like real?

1:23:33 Adam Like people don't want it to look...

1:23:33 Caller No, no, no.

1:23:34 Adam It should look...

1:23:34 Caller Like, don't adorn our bodies or shave hair or bathe or... No, I'm just saying.

1:23:37 Drew You want it reminiscent of natural.

1:23:40 Caller Listen, I like labia jewelry.

1:23:41 Caller I like labia jewelry as much as the next man.

1:23:44 Adam No, you don't.

1:23:45 Drew Oh, he does. No, he's serious.

1:23:46 Adam No, he doesn't.

1:23:47 Drew We were talking about it during the break.

1:23:48 Caller Well, you know.

1:23:49 Adam Does that turn you on?

1:23:50 Caller Get my freak out. Listen, if the person is into it, you know...

1:23:55 Drew How do you feel about clitoral jewelry?

1:23:57 Caller No, don't mess with it. Don't mess with that. Because here's what we talked about.

1:24:02 Drew What's your favorite thing in the labia?

1:24:05 Caller I don't really. This is removable. I'm not talking about... Oh, you got me in a hole. I hate you. I'm attracted to that.

1:24:12 David Alan Grier Oh, you are good. Bravo.

1:24:14 Caller Ladies and gentlemen, you just witnessed me being had by Dr. Drew.

1:24:20 Adam David's a freaky... I mean, he's a troubled, troubled guy. I mean, he really is a troubled guy. I mean, he's funny, but he's troubled.

1:24:26 Caller But you have taken such an interest, you know? And as soon as we work out, as soon as we work out, Adam's like, now get out. Get out!

1:24:34 Adam Oh, please. Please. How dare you?

1:24:37 Drew Get out! Get out!

1:24:39 Adam How dare you? He comes over, works out, and he's hitting the mitts and backpedaling toward his car at the same time.

1:24:46 Drew How come you never come to my house, David? You never come to visit me.

1:24:48 David Alan Grier Well, because you're not down...

1:24:51 Caller In more ways than one, Mr. I'm not down. It's a man club.

1:24:56 Adam David, you're coming over tomorrow. We're doing some boxing.

1:24:59 Caller That's sacrilegious. Don't you think to work out on St. Thanksgiving?

1:25:02 Adam No.

1:25:03 Caller Do you really think, given the climate...

1:25:04 Drew It's a holiday for him every day.

1:25:05 Adam It's the way the pilgrims wanted it.

1:25:06 Caller Do you really think, given the climate, where the country's at right now, we should be working out, really?

1:25:09 Adam Well, listen, if we don't work out tomorrow, then they win.

1:25:12 Caller That's true.

1:25:13 Adam You understand?

1:25:14 David Alan Grier You're right. Let's heal some babies. We got 20 minutes.

1:25:16 Adam All right. We got to take a break.

1:25:16 Caller Let's double dip. Hold on. Hold on. Put five and six. I'll get to both of them. Guys, talk at the same time.

1:25:22 Adam We'll talk to them at the same time, five and six, when we come back.

1:25:25 David Alan Grier Oh, man.

1:25:26 Caller Hello? Is this Loveline?

1:25:28 Caller Call 1-800-LOVE-191. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

1:26:07 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, David Alan Grier, dear, dear, dear, dear friend is on the show tonight. He can be seen at the Brea Improv all weekend. That is Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday. All right.

1:26:24 Caller Sunday. Hey, Adam, why don't you come down for a show? It's only an hour away. Why don't you come out?

1:26:30 Adam Come over tomorrow.

1:26:33 Caller No, but I'm saying like, you know, why don't you come, you know, like this is your workplace. This is your kingdom. Come to my kingdom. Come to my neighborhood, you know, right? You know, I'm tired of like going to Mr. Rogers' house. You know, come over. You know, hey, what do you know? Come like you live over there and I live over here. Why don't you come out of your like you walk down the street.

1:26:49 Adam You come here to plug that work. Yeah, but you could, you know, what I do stand up and yell at all 80 people.

1:26:56 Caller You could do something like that, man.

1:26:58 Caller You know, man, look at me.

1:27:01 Caller You could bring your cranberries. We could.

1:27:04 David Alan Grier Hey, guys, a little friend of mine up here to make some cranberries. Let him know you love him. Adam Corolla. Let him go.

1:27:11 Adam Yeah.

1:27:14 Caller There you go. Let's let's heal some babies. Dr. Drew's fading.

1:27:17 Adam Katie.

1:27:18 Drew Yeah. You want to do Katie?

1:27:19 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:27:20 Caller We're going to double dip.

1:27:21 Adam Hold on. Put them on at the same time, Drew. All right.

1:27:25 Caller Katie, Amy, at the count of three, we want you to both at the same time. Tell us your problems. We're running out of time. We've got to heal you both. One, two, three, go.

1:27:35 Caller I have an addition to Adam's recipe.

1:27:36 Caller Amy, get involved.

1:27:37 Caller Okay.

1:27:39 Drew Go ahead.

1:27:39 Caller Come on.

1:27:40 Drew We're listening.

1:27:41 Caller I have a discharge thing.

1:27:43 Caller Okay. Amy, tell us your recipe. Come on, girl. We run out of time.

1:27:48 Caller You add-

1:27:49 Drew Katie, is the discharge smell?

1:27:50 Caller Ground ginger and amaretto. Katie?

1:27:53 Drew Is there a smell to the discharge?

1:27:55 Caller Well, my boyfriend said there was, but I went down to the teen clinic and they said that I was fine.

1:28:00 Caller Does it smell like amaretto or pears? Because if so, you could make a sauce out of it, put it on some bagels.

1:28:06 Drew Did they culture you, Katie?

1:28:08 Caller They took a swab and microscope and hold it.

1:28:11 Drew That looked okay.

1:28:12 Adam They put a pear up her?

1:28:14 Drew No, no. Keep listening. Just listen. It's all flowing.

1:28:17 Caller Right?

1:28:18 Adam Keep it going. This may be a new way to do the show. We'll be out of here by 11.

1:28:21 Caller Now, Amy, how do you do the sauce, sweetness?

1:28:24 Caller You just basically do it exactly the same as Adam does it, but you just throw in some pear and ginger and you throw in some amaretto at the end.

1:28:30 Caller Let me ask you this.

1:28:30 Adam How much amaretto?

1:28:31 Caller Spices it up a little bit.

1:28:32 Adam How much amaretto?

1:28:34 Caller Like fourth or half a cup or something. Not that much.

1:28:36 Caller What is the consistency of the sauce? Is it a jello-y?

1:28:41 Drew The discharge of the sauce.

1:28:42 Caller It's sort of true to the original.

1:28:44 Caller I'm sorry, Amy. I'm talking to Katie now. I'm talking to Katie. Is your discharge watery? Is it jello-y?

1:28:51 Caller It's kind of thick like my underwear.

1:28:53 Drew I hear you.

1:28:54 Caller But if you put it on your fingertip and smack it on the wall, will it stick or will it roll down? Amy, Amy. I'm sorry. I'll switch back to Amy now. But Amy, it will?

1:29:02 Drew Katie, have you tried any creams? Katie?

1:29:05 Caller We also have to talk to David Alan Grier too.

1:29:07 Adam Hold on. Katie, go ahead. Katie, if we put the discharge on white meat, like the breast meat, which can traditionally be dry, would that help it go down?

1:29:15 Caller Hold on. I'm brainstorming. I'm brainstorming. Adam, Katie, sit down. We're going to make a product out of your discharge. Katie's discharge the other mayonnaise. That's it. We're going to make a million dollars. Move over.

1:29:29 Caller Mayonnaise.

1:29:31 Adam Move over, Dijonais.

1:29:32 Drew There you go. Katie, have you tried any cream for that?

1:29:37 Adam No.

1:29:37 Drew Nothing.

1:29:39 Adam How about adding some of that Metro Gel to the mix?

1:29:41 Drew Right.

1:29:42 Adam I mean with the cranberry.

1:29:44 Drew Have you, Katie, have you douched or anything? Tried douching?

1:29:49 Caller No. I haven't done anything. I just, I don't know.

1:29:53 Adam Do they have cranberry juice?

1:29:55 Caller Listen, let me tell you something. First of all, tell your boyfriend, Katie, to quit being a punk.

1:30:00 Caller Well, I'm not with him anymore, actually. He kind of told everyone and then...

1:30:03 Drew Oh, he's an idiot. You go check yourself out. You're fine. Relax. All right.

1:30:08 Caller You know, the smell of a woman's loins when properly marinated is...

1:30:11 Drew Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. Katie, Amy wanted to talk to David Alan Grier, right?

1:30:15 Caller Amy, what's up, baby? What's going on?

1:30:16 Caller I just want to tell you guys, it's the combination of the cranberry recipe and David Alan Grier is the only time I've ever felt compelled to call on. He's the only person who's made me laugh out loud for this whole two hours.

1:30:27 Drew What was the funniest thing you did?

1:30:30 Caller Probably just his little screams.

1:30:34 Drew Isn't the skeet song pretty funny?

1:30:35 Caller I can crack me up.

1:30:37 Drew Wait, no, no, the skeet song, please. One more time.

1:30:41 Caller What about a little skeet there?

1:30:43 Caller Skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet, everywhere. Everybody, everybody skeet, skeet. That's how you do your three-some to me.

1:30:50 Adam That could be on the B side.

1:30:52 Caller Hey, I get laid in clubs with that, gentlemen.

1:30:54 David Alan Grier Anything can cause addiction, Adam.

1:30:57 Caller Did you know that?

1:30:58 Adam That could be on the B side of fruit in the middle.

1:31:02 David Alan Grier Adam, I think you're addicted to cranberries. Dr. Drew, get involved, please. Don't sit on this.

1:31:06 Caller Amy, Amy.

1:31:06 David Alan Grier Like a girl with a big butt, but fruit in the middle is juicy, is sweet, cause it's fruit and in the middle. F, cause you're fine.

1:31:16 Caller R, cause you're responsible.

1:31:18 David Alan Grier And U, cause you are you. And I, cause you're intelligent. And T, cause you're tasty, is fruity.

1:31:24 Caller Now, Amy, what you look like, girl? She's of age, so I can tap this. No, no. Amy, what you wearing? Santa Barbara, come on, girl. Come on, come on. Hey, hey, fellas, don't cut me off now. Amy, Amy, Amy, pumpkin.

1:31:37 Adam Now, you like labia jewelry and that's not Amy's cup.

1:31:41 Caller Bubble gum lips.

1:31:41 Adam Come on, you're on a tartar.

1:31:44 Caller Dude, I just bowed two chicks.

1:31:47 Caller Aaron.

1:31:48 Adam You like them to look like that one Cosby kid downstairs?

1:31:52 Drew Aaron, I'm here.

1:31:53 Adam That one Cosby kid with those huge lips. I'm going to go up with Adam.

1:31:57 Caller It's going to be downstairs.

1:31:59 Drew Aaron, Aaron.

1:32:00 Adam Is that a racial thing?

1:32:03 Drew No, that's a scene. Wait, I want to talk to Aaron.

1:32:04 Caller All right, Aaron, go.

1:32:07 Drew There you are. Yeah. All right.

1:32:09 Caller I got a question for Dr. Drew.

1:32:10 Drew Yes, sir. Go right ahead.

1:32:12 Caller I'm curious. I'm going into drug treatment on Friday.

1:32:15 Drew Cool.

1:32:15 Caller For cocaine.

1:32:16 Drew Great.

1:32:17 Caller Yes, I seem to every five years or so really mess up my life with it. I've never really worked a program. I think that may be why. But my question is, is there anything over the counter or that my doctor can prescribe that I can take to help me with the withdrawal symptoms?

1:32:37 Drew Yeah, there's a lot of things that can give you a ton of things that may help. But that's why you're going inpatient. It's sometimes barbiturates, there's a lot of stuff that can use to smooth things out. A lot of the malleability can be treated, it's a sleep problem that can be treated, but the cravings are what are going to be your issue, and those can be treated, really. Sometimes barbutrin will help with that a little bit, just like it does with nicotine. Hold on, you're supposed to fast. I know, because we have no time. Bottom line is, you got to get the program, you got to work the steps, you don't do that, this disease will progress guaranteed.

1:33:06 Adam Dr. Drew, can you give me a subscription for Dilaudid?

1:33:11 Drew I'll give you a subscription.

1:33:12 Caller Dr. Drew, can you give me a subscription for Dilaudid, please?

1:33:18 Adam The Don King of Comedy here.

1:33:21 Drew We've had fun tonight. Right now, we got to go to bed.

1:33:24 Caller No, we don't.

1:33:24 Drew Yes, we do.

1:33:25 Caller All right, put caller six in. Amy, Amy 23 from Santa Barbara. What you wearing, baby? Let me get in them drawers.

1:33:31 Drew Come on.

1:33:31 Adam One more thing about yogurt.

1:33:32 Caller I need a booty call. Amy.

1:33:34 Adam Yogurt. How come no one makes a good banana yogurt?

1:33:37 Drew Oh, the banana and strawberry.

1:33:39 Caller And peach, peach always smells like buttholes.

1:33:41 Adam That's banana and strawberry. He's right. I want banana, straight banana. Somebody come out with a straight banana yogurt and fruit in the middle.

1:33:49 David Alan Grier It's juicy, it's sweet, because it's fruit and in the middle.

1:33:54 Caller Here it is. Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

1:33:57 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

1:33:59 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:34:00 Caller Call the Dateline. Call the Dateline.

1:34:02 Caller 1-877-889-DATE.

1:34:07 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready. Ready.

1:34:46 Caller All right, everybody.

1:34:47 Caller All right, let's try and save one more life. No.

1:34:49 Caller David Alan Grier.

1:34:51 Caller From Santa Barbara, you sound cute, pumpkin with the emerald. I want to get in the pairs, baby.

1:34:55 Adam It's going to be the Irvine Improv. He shuts up when I do the plugs. Friday and Saturday, two shows, two shows Friday, two shows Saturday, and a half show Sunday because he's tired.

1:35:13 Drew Sing now.

1:35:14 Adam And you can hear him sing all the songs, the turkey song, the skeet song. He's going to do the cheer, and he's going to do the fruit in the middle medley.

1:35:26 David Alan Grier I like him to do it with a big butt.

1:35:28 Adam So until next time.

1:35:28 Caller I'm going to be belching in like plastic bags, passing it out.

1:35:31 Drew Happy Thanksgiving everybody.

1:35:32 Caller Happy Turkey Day.

1:35:33 Adam Yes, Happy Thanksgiving. Make that fresh cranberry sauce. Pizza, chicken, grease.

1:35:37 Caller Don't get none on you.

1:35:38 Adam That's right. Until next time, Adam Corolla from Dr. Drew is saying mahalo.

1:35:44 Caller Turkey sat on the backyard fence on Thanksgiving Day. And as he sat on the backyard fence, this is what he'd say.

1:35:50 Caller Oh, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble.

1:35:52 Caller I don't like Thanksgiving Day.

1:35:53 Caller Hey, hey, hey, hey, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble.

1:35:55 Caller I would like to run away.

1:35:58 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

1:36:13 Adam I'd like everyone from Berkeley and Santa Monica just to pack up and go to Afghanistan so you can be with your people over there. Go ahead, hand some bread out. Help the kids. Enjoy.

1:36:22 Caller Please.

1:36:23 Adam We'll be back.

Episode Feedback

Wednesday, November 21, 2001