Episode 1000754886799

1:13 Adam Hey everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam Carolla, it's Dr. Drew. I'm not giving out the phone number because this is the best of Loveline. And although we're not here and the show is not live tonight, it does not matter because we have great guests.

1:25 Drew And we're happy.

1:26 Adam And it's going to be a better show than if we were here, believe me. Me complaining about my garbage man and telling high school football stories.

1:34 Drew There's no way he could extract that from the show and still have a show left. You know what I'm saying?

1:38 Adam No, I don't.

1:39 Drew That's bound to be there somewhere.

1:40 Voiceover Oh, I see. That's in every show. Thank you. Nellie Furtado is going to be in here tonight. Violent J from Insane Clown, Posse Crazy Town and Vin Diesel. So be prepared. Hey. Whoa, Nellie is the name of the CD. Speaking to Rich.

1:57 Yep.

1:58 Adam Rich is 24.

1:59 Yep.

1:59 Adam Says him and his friend went down on the girlfriends at five.

2:03 Yeah.

2:04 Adam And sodomy by eight, right?

2:07 No, no. No. I had a dry spell up until about 17.

2:11 Adam Yeah.

2:11 Drew What were you doing? What was your intent at five?

2:16 I don't know how I knew what to do. And I didn't like use my tongue. I just kissed the area.

2:21 Adam Sure.

2:22 But it was my idea. I just don't know how I knew like what to do.

2:27 Drew Was it part of a game of some type?

2:29 Well, I know that, you know, like we, me and the girl would go into like the little toy house and she'd show me hers all the time.

2:38 Drew And so maybe this was something she was up to. Because the young kids will do this when they've been so.

2:43 When they talked me into showing her mind, she screamed, excuse me, she screamed and went and told on me. So I got into trouble. But I didn't get caught doing the other thing.

2:51 Adam Oh yeah. And how are you doing today?

2:55 Well, recent breakup lately, but that's it.

2:59 Adam I see, with a five year old?

3:00 No, no, no.

3:01 Adam This is your own age.

3:01 Drew You're not into child stuff?

3:03 No, not at all.

3:04 Adam You don't like the kiddies?

3:05 Not at all.

3:06 Adam They're smooth.

3:07 Drew And your relationship has been, they have been okay?

3:10 I've had two long term relationships and one that just ended recently.

3:15 Drew Okay, there you go.

3:16 Adam Drew owes me a dollar because he said you're in a kiddie porn.

3:20 Not at all.

3:21 Adam No? Nothing?

3:22 No.

3:22 Adam Come on, a little bit, buddy.

3:24 Not at all.

3:24 Adam Good times.

3:25 No, no, I mean, I haven't had any abuse in my family or anything.

3:29 Adam It's not for you.

3:30 Drew This actually, again, my point to Adam before was when we were peeing together over here.

3:36 Adam Well, we agreed to show each other our dingoing.

3:39 Drew No, it was that it's the intent that's the issue. This guy was kind of experimenting and they're playing a little game, but no intent to stimulate or do anything sexual.

3:48 Adam Well, but what I'm saying, Drew, is you always say in a sort of wholesale way that it's always intent.

3:56 Drew No, no.

3:57 Adam No, I don't. No, no, no.

3:59 Drew Listen. We need to be checked out if you came across this.

4:01 Adam My argument always is that kids are aware of their peers' parts and they're also aware that it's a little naughty and kids will do things that they're not supposed to do just because they think they're not supposed to do them sometimes. It doesn't always mean they were the victim of abuse.

4:19 Drew I agree.

4:19 My friend that did it, he went and told his dad, I thought he was crazy for doing that.

4:25 Drew And?

4:26 But he wasn't allowed to hang out with me anymore.

4:28 Adam Right. All right. And dad just gave him a beer and told him no more hanging out. A bowl. A bowl. With Rich. A bowl. All right. All right, Rich. Thanks for that backup, buddy. All right. We will hop back on the phones and speak to Jeremy, who's 13. Jeremy?

4:46 Yeah?

4:46 Adam What's up?

4:49 I don't know. It's like kind of small.

4:52 Adam Kind of what?

4:53 Small.

4:53 Drew What is?

4:54 Adam Your problem?

4:55 I don't know. It's like an inch long.

4:57 Oh, I'm sorry.

5:00 All right.

5:00 Oh, wait.

5:01 Who's laughing at that?

5:02 Adam I thought it was you, Nellie.

5:04 No, because you didn't know what he was saying.

5:08 Adam We're really on a roll here tonight, Drew. Kevin?

5:13 Yeah.

5:13 Adam You're 25.

5:14 Caller Hey, guys. Hey, Nellie. I just want to let you know you're absolutely beautiful and I love your song.

5:18 Caller Oh, thank you very much.

5:20 Caller No problem. And my question is, me and my girlfriend, or my current wife were going out about four years ago and she had her cervix froze for a general warts. And we've had a couple kids since then. And she, the sex is really bad. She gets a lot of pain and she talked to the doctor about it. He said the average girl is only about three inches deep.

5:43 Drew Is that true? It's about the length of your middle finger.

5:50 Caller Okay. Well, I just kind of found it hard to believe because of the fact, you know, I kind of thought that the average guy was like six inches. I just don't know how it's physically possible.

5:57 Drew Well, there's a cervix at the end of a fingertip. I mean, doctors, when they reach in are feeling the cervix. They get there? Oh, yeah. But there's an area, the cervix can get pushed aside and there's an area that can go back further.

6:12 Adam Yeah. You get into the champagne room, I call it.

6:15 Drew That's right. And also you just can be pushed back a little bit.

6:18 Caller Yeah. After a few minutes, she just gets really sore and I don't know, it goes through a lot of pain and such. It's been real terrible.

6:25 Drew Is she talking to a doctor about it?

6:26 Caller Yeah, she did, but that's basically what he told her and that's about all that's...

6:30 Drew Told her what?

6:31 Caller That the average girl is about three inches deep, so I might be hitting in the back and that's what's causing the pain.

6:36 Drew Yeah. So what? So you're hitting back there and it's painful. What's causing the pain?

6:40 Caller I don't know.

6:41 Drew It would always be painful.

6:42 Caller I'm hitting the back, I guess.

6:43 Drew Yeah, but everyone always hits the back and so very frequently hits the back or hits it in ways that are uncomfortable. But why is it intolerable to her? I don't know. Well, he needs to answer that. I know I'm not trying to make this an issue for you, but he needs to satisfactorily answer that for her.

6:56 Adam Yeah. I'll tell you, though, you know you've arrived when the doctor's telling you your dork is too big.

7:01 Caller No, it is.

7:01 Drew That's why he's accepted it. That's why he accepted it without asking any questions.

7:04 Adam Yeah, I could handle that kind of news.

7:06 Caller I don't tell it.

7:08 Caller And also, have you heard of the phrenic nerve? Because we've been listening to the radio and...

7:13 Drew Well, the phrenic nerve is a nerve that goes down to your diaphragm.

7:16 Caller Oh, your diaphragm. My wife, she's a nurse, and she said something about... Because we're listening to something, and they said, we're talking about anal sex, and she said that you can go into cardiac arrest from having anal sex because of the phrenic nerve.

7:28 Drew No, the vagal nerve.

7:29 Caller The vagal nerve.

7:30 Drew The vagus.

7:31 Adam The phrenic nerve goes, what, down your neck or something?

7:33 Drew Yeah, the phrenic, yeah. Nacking into the chest diaphragm, basically.

7:38 Adam Wow, if you hit that via anal sex, you really are hanging there.

7:41 No.

7:43 Adam That's a good angle on your wife to get out of anal sex, though, by the way. I don't want to go in a shot.

7:48 Caller The whole purpose was, I don't know, we didn't really discuss a whole lot because I know her view on it.

7:52 Drew Yeah. Look, she may have cysts, endometriosis. It could be a lot of things, and that needs to be satisfactorily evaluated.

8:01 Adam So, she said you could, what, like have a stroke or something?

8:05 Caller No, go into cardiac arrest.

8:06 Drew Yeah.

8:07 Adam Yeah. Clamp down, pull your penis off.

8:10 Drew What kind of nurse is your wife?

8:12 Caller She's an LTN. She's just a general nurse.

8:14 Drew She's not doing ICU stuff?

8:16 Caller No.

8:16 Drew Because what you'll see in ICU is that people with severe cardiac disease and critical kinds of illnesses, when they move their bowels, sometimes their heart slows down to the point they arrest. So, that kind of stimulation can be difficult. It's somebody who's predisposed to something. But if you're a normal, healthy person, that shouldn't happen.

8:31 Adam That, by the way, means you're getting old when you take a cramp and your heart stops.

8:34 Drew That's what that means.

8:35 Adam That means you're getting up in years.

8:36 Drew That's what that means.

8:37 Adam That means your days are numbered. What happened? Try to go number two. Number one slows it down. Number two stops it. Jesus Christ. What killed him? Diarrhea. Nicole?

8:54 Yes.

8:54 Adam You're 21?

8:55 Caller I am.

8:56 Adam What's up?

8:58 Caller I have a year old daughter, and I just recently found out, I thought it was, I had been drinking, and I thought maybe because I was drinking that I just didn't know what had happened. But recently I found out that he had slipped GHB into my drink, and my daughter is now a year old, and I want to know if there's any effects.

9:24 Drew We got to reconstruct your question. You were pregnant, and some guy slipped GHB into your drink while you were pregnant?

9:31 Caller No, I became pregnant.

9:32 Drew As a result of him putting GHB?

9:34 Caller Right.

9:34 Drew Okay. You want to know if that then would have anything to do with your daughter's condition?

9:38 Caller Right.

9:39 Drew No.

9:40 Adam What kind of condition is she in?

9:43 Caller She has no health problems now.

9:47 Drew I got to stop you because this is the important thing that people have got to get through their head. What is your concept about when the pregnancy actually occurs?

9:56 Caller Okay.

9:57 Drew And actually, I beg your pardon, it's about two days. Usually, most commonly within 24 hours of ovulation. So even if you had just ovulated on the day you were having sex, it would still be 24 hours before you got the pregnancy to occur. Okay? So it's usually two or three days out.

10:11 Adam How do you know the guy put GHB in your drink?

10:15 Caller His best friend, who's no longer his friend because of this, was a mutual friend of ours.

10:23 Adam I see.

10:24 Caller He just recently told me.

10:26 Adam And is he financially somewhat responsible for this child now?

10:31 Caller No. Originally, when I first told him I was pregnant, he said, you know, whatever you decide, I'm behind you 100%. And I had actually went down to go get an abortion. And when you go to an abortion, they make you go twice. That's the first time for consultation. Consultation, excuse me. And they show you videos and pictures and I just ran out crying. And I went back to him and I told him, you know, I can't do this. It's not in me. I have to have this child. And he's like, well, I want nothing to do with you or this child.

11:06 Adam Yeah. How can you call the cops when he drugged you and raped you?

11:10 Caller I didn't know. I just recently found out that he had used GHB. My daughter was already born when I found out.

11:17 Adam I see. You just thought you were drunk?

11:20 Caller Yes.

11:20 Adam Even so, is this was this guy your boyfriend?

11:23 Caller No, we had been friends for three years.

11:25 Drew It's still rape.

11:27 Caller And he was a bartender at a club.

11:29 Drew Yeah. Why did you report the rape in the first place?

11:32 Caller Well, I didn't think it was rape at first.

11:34 Adam Okay. All right. So can you make him can get some money off this guy so I don't have to pay for it?

11:39 Caller Actually, he's on the run. From last I heard, he's in Fiji.

11:45 Drew Nice.

11:47 Adam Really?

11:47 Drew From you or from some other problem?

11:49 Caller Not from me.

11:51 Adam Something else?

11:52 Caller Yeah.

11:52 Adam More rape? Good. Let him go to Fiji.

11:54 Drew He's out of the country. Yeah.

11:56 Good times.

11:57 Caller And you're not paying for it. I don't use any support whatsoever. I have a full-time job. Go to school.

12:02 Adam Right. Not yet. Eventually, I'm going to have to start paying. All right, Nicole. Take care of yourself. Thanks, guys. All right.

12:08 Bye.

12:09 Adam Good times. What a dynamite lad. And what about, what, they show you films?

12:15 Drew Yeah.

12:16 Adam What is that?

12:17 Drew I wonder if that was one of those. There are places out there that explicitly discourage abortion. You know what I mean? They tell themselves abortion clinics, but they go in and knock you out of it. Which is, you know, let's understand.

12:27 Adam They show you like fetuses getting hit by golf clubs and stuff.

12:30 Drew Yeah.

12:30 Adam And then you run out screaming.

12:32 Drew Yes.

12:32 Adam That's a good plan. Yeah, I don't appreciate that. I'm all for the abortion. How's the abortion going in Canada?

12:40 Caller I don't know.

12:41 Drew Is it legal?

12:42 Caller It's legal. I think.

12:43 Adam How about that? Are you 486?

12:45 Caller I think there was some anti-abortion groups. I don't know. I think there's one province where there's like a lot of anti-abortion groups. I think maybe I'd be Quebec. I'm not sure. I'm really misinformed.

12:54 I don't want to.

12:55 Drew Quebec is a lot of Catholic.

12:56 I don't know.

12:57 Drew Quebec is a very Catholic.

12:59 Caller Yeah. I think. Yeah. Wasn't it? There was like some. There was some. Yeah. No, there was so much. No. So I'm like, nope, nope. Don't remember that one. No, there was some violence that occurred towards an abortion clinic not too long ago in Canada. It happens all the time, but I forget which province. Pretty much the same. Hello. Well, not the same.

13:21 Adam Myra.

13:21 Caller I don't have a Pipe of Belting.

13:23 Adam Thanks for that definitive answer, by the way. Myra.

13:26 Caller Yes.

13:27 Caller Am I allowed to throw things at you?

13:30 Adam I feel like I'm in Canada. I don't know so much about Canada. I don't know. Something, maybe. Never know. Quebec? No, not Quebec. Could be Quebec.

13:38 Caller Come on.

13:40 Adam You're 22 there, Myra.

13:41 Caller Yes, I am.

13:42 Adam What's up?

13:43 Caller Nothing much. I'm just calling in to say hi to Nellie.

13:47 Caller Hi.

13:48 Nellie, do you remember me?

13:49 Caller I'm from Sacramento.

13:50 Caller Yeah, I do. Myra, how are you? Oh, wow.

13:54 Caller She remembers me.

13:55 Drew Which one is she?

13:56 Caller She's the one who was right in the front and she was singing all the words.

13:59 Caller There you go, Nellie. That was me.

14:00 Caller You're a super fan. And you were with your friend who was running after my guitar player.

14:06 Caller Yeah.

14:06 Caller Guess what?

14:08 Caller We're coming to your LA show.

14:10 Caller Oh, you're coming to LA.?

14:11 Caller Great. We're coming down.

14:13 Caller Good stuff. Wish we were coming to Sacramento. We'll be there next time.

14:16 Caller We were going to go to the San Francisco show, but I didn't know those tickets were coming out and I already bought the LA show ticket.

14:23 Caller That's a good venue too, Bimbo's. That's okay. The LA will be happening.

14:26 Caller Yeah, I'm going to both shows.

14:28 Caller Oh, Bimbo's and LA.?

14:29 Adam No, both LA shows.

14:30 Caller Oh, sweet. Oh, you know what? Okay. Saturday, there's a-

14:33 Caller I told you you were tight, girl. I don't know why you don't believe me.

14:36 Adam She believes you.

14:37 Caller I kept telling her at the show, I was like, oh, you're so freaking tight.

14:41 Caller Oh, thank you. I just wanted to say-

14:43 Adam Hold on, let me explain. Tight is a good thing.

14:48 Caller Tight is dope. Jack Johnson is a really great opener on Saturday night. You're going to really love the opening act. Jack Johnson, he's from Santa Barbara, plays guitar. He just got off the Ben Harper tour. He did the whole Ben Harper tour. He's excellent. So make sure you get there early. Doors open at 7.

15:04 I will be there full force.

15:05 Adam You can stay with Drew when you come out to town.

15:07 Caller Full force. But Nellie, I wanted to know what your inspiration is. I know I read a lot up on you and you like De La Soul and Janet Jackson, Mary J. Blige, all them.

15:16 Caller I listen to everything.

15:17 Caller They're from our era because I'm 22 too.

15:19 Caller I know. We're the hip hop generation. We grew up on all the urban stuff. It's in our brains. But yeah, I listen to everything. Obviously, I'm influenced a lot by my Portuguese background. I do listen. I love a lot of Brazilian artists. I love Jeff Buckley, Catana Veloso, Amalia Rodriguez. I love all the urban stuff too.

15:37 I went right up there before Brazil.

15:39 Caller Yes, you got to go there.

15:41 Caller My parents just got back.

15:42 Caller They were there for a month.

15:44 Caller Oh, really?

15:44 I was like, what?

15:46 Caller Maybe I'll make a record there next time.

15:48 Adam Mayra, you two can get caught up Saturday, all right?

15:51 Caller Are you cutting me off?

15:52 Adam Yeah. We're going to help.

15:54 Caller It's been fun talking to you, though.

15:55 Adam We're going to help the kids.

15:57 Friday night, Nellie.

15:58 Caller Okay, have fun.

15:59 I'll be there in front.

16:00 Caller We'll see you in LA. We're bringing you different shows. You'll like it.

16:02 Take care.

16:03 Caller Bye.

16:04 Adam Peace out. Word up.

16:07 Caller Hi.

16:08 Adam Stacey?

16:09 Yeah.

16:10 Adam You're 19?

16:11 Caller Yeah.

16:11 Caller What's up?

16:14 Adam What color was that woman, by the way? She white?

16:18 Caller Yeah, I think so. No, actually, I think she might be like, yeah, or maybe part Native American. I'm not sure.

16:26 Adam Really? I got some Indian. Hold on a second, let me find out. Myra?

16:29 Caller Yes?

16:30 Adam What's your color?

16:31 Caller I am Hispanic. I'm half Venezuelan and half Mexican.

16:34 Caller OK, right. I thought you're Native American. I didn't know.

16:37 Caller No, no, no, no, no, no.

16:38 Caller That's not my parents went to Venezuela a month ago. And I was seeing if they heard of you because Brazil is right under us.

16:44 Adam All right, baby.

16:45 Caller So I don't know.

16:46 Adam Good time. Good time.

16:48 Caller He wanted to check.

16:49 Adam Just want to check. All right. Where were we? Stacey over here. Stacey.

16:53 Drew Now they wanted to hear that part.

16:56 Adam Stacey, you're 19.

16:57 Caller What's up?

17:00 Caller I've been with this guy for like two months. We've done everything but sex and he says that he's not ready.

17:08 Drew How old is he?

17:09 Caller He's 21.

17:10 Drew And you're 19.

17:11 Caller Yeah.

17:11 Drew Is he a virgin?

17:12 Caller No.

17:13 Drew Not ready with you.

17:15 Caller What?

17:15 Drew He's not ready to have sex with you. Yeah. How long have you been with him?

17:19 Caller Like two months.

17:20 Adam Has he had sex just one other time or did he have a girlfriend?

17:24 Caller No, he's had girlfriends.

17:26 Drew Is he wanting to date other people and concerned that you might get too attached?

17:31 Caller I don't know. It's not like that.

17:33 Adam I think he's scared about his performance.

17:35 Drew Why? Really?

17:37 Adam Well, listen, anytime a guy does not want to have sex with a girl...

17:41 Caller Because he really digs and he's scared.

17:43 Drew No. No, no.

17:45 Adam Hold on a second.

17:45 Drew It doesn't happen.

17:46 Adam Yes, it does. No, let me explain. Now put on your thinking cap here, Drew.

17:51 Drew I'm falling.

17:52 Adam Put on your thinking jock. When a guy doesn't want to have sex with a girl, it's usually one of two reasons, either there's some kind of religious conflict. He wants to wait till he's married or something like that. Or if he's had sex a few times in the past and had a few girlfriends in the past, he may have had some difficulty, especially his last time out.

18:12 Drew Don't you think this...

18:12 Adam And he may be freaked out a little bit.

18:14 Drew Don't you think there could also be that he sees that once he's dating other women simultaneously and he sees this one getting super attached and he may have a service agreement somewhere else?

18:23 Adam 21-year-old guys aren't that thoughtful.

18:26 Drew If they have a service agreement elsewhere, that they're... This one is the bullpen.

18:32 Adam Why do they date... Why is a 21-year-old guy dating a girl who's having frequent sex with somebody else? Why is he dating this 19-year-old that doesn't want sex? Now, think about the guy who's got a service deal going on. He's banging everything that walks.

18:45 Drew He may be out of town or something.

18:47 Adam No. No, no, no. Think about that guy who's 21 and has a few things going. He's screwing all of them.

18:56 Drew He's trying...

18:56 Adam Any guy with a service agreement is open for business and servicing all makes and models.

19:01 Drew But the fact is that he won't be as desperate. He wouldn't be...

19:04 Adam He may not be as desperate, but he's not turning away.

19:06 Drew But he wouldn't take into consideration things like, gee, this girl's feelings are gonna get hurt if he didn't have a service agreement.

19:12 Adam Right off there, Drusky. Sorry, but no dice. Nellie, who are you with? Me or Drew? I don't know.

19:17 Caller I'm thinking about that one. Twenty-one year old boys coming all, you know...

19:22 Adam Varieties. Stacey, let's do a little more research on this guy.

19:27 Okay.

19:27 Adam Does he part his hair to the side?

19:30 Caller No.

19:30 Adam Does he go to school?

19:32 Not right now.

19:33 Adam What's he do for a living?

19:36 Caller He's in a band.

19:39 Caller Oh, he's in a band.

19:42 Adam That's an argument for me.

19:43 Drew You know what it could be?

19:45 Adam Wait a minute. What have you done with him so far?

19:49 Caller Everything but sex.

19:50 Adam And oral sex? And how did his penis behave?

19:57 Drew Exemplary.

19:58 Adam How did his penis behave?

19:59 Caller How did it behave?

20:01 Drew Did it perform properly?

20:03 Caller Yeah, it's functioning.

20:04 Adam He got good wood.

20:06 Caller Yeah.

20:06 And I just touched it and then it went...

20:09 Adam Yeah, something pops out, right?

20:11 Yeah.

20:12 Adam How long did it take him to orgasm?

20:15 Caller Oh, it wasn't that long at all.

20:18 Adam I think he's got a premature problem. I think he's a little freaked out. I mean, here's a guy. He's a cool guy. He's in a band. He's had other girlfriends.

20:29 Caller He maybe says he's had sex before, but he hasn't that much.

20:34 Adam What kind of music does his band play? Christian Rock?

20:38 Caller No.

20:40 Adam No.

20:40 Caller It's just rock.

20:41 Adam Just rock. You think he might have, you know, band guys are pretty notorious for having a few chicks. You think there's something else going?

20:50 Caller That's what I'm afraid of.

20:51 Adam Oh, oh. All right.

20:54 Caller Service seat.

20:55 Adam Why do you think that?

20:56 Caller 21-year-olds in bands are usually a bit smarter. They have service agreements, maybe.

21:02 Adam You think he's got something going on the side? Is he your boyfriend? Does he say he's your boyfriend?

21:09 Yeah.

21:10 Drew He said, well, we're dating only each other.

21:12 Yeah.

21:13 Drew That's been stated.

21:14 Caller I have one more question. Is he the guitar player or the singer-songwriter of the band?

21:19 Caller He plays bass and he sings.

21:21 Caller Does he write the songs?

21:22 Caller Yeah.

21:23 Drew Wow. That's really all knowing.

21:27 Adam Did you meet him at a show?

21:29 Caller No.

21:30 Adam No.

21:31 Drew Did you know him before he was in a band?

21:33 Caller No.

21:34 Adam And you've been going out for a few months.

21:36 Caller Yeah.

21:36 Drew Two months.

21:37 Adam And he's not finishing you off.

21:40 Caller No.

21:40 Adam And he went down on you?

21:42 Caller Yeah.

21:43 Drew Maybe he's one of those guys that maybe is a total pig and he's just into oral sex and that's it.

21:47 Adam You think he may just be into the oral?

21:51 It's possible.

21:52 Adam OK. You're really a wealth of information, Stacey. I could get more information.

21:56 Caller I make him a total pig?

21:57 Adam I could talk to myself and get more information about this guy.

21:59 Drew In terms of how he's using her, you know, how he's using her, it's just a way to get the wrong stuff.

22:03 Adam Stacey, you don't know anything. So we don't know anything.

22:07 Drew But wouldn't that be, she's groupie.

22:10 Adam Yes. You certainly sound like a groupie.

22:12 Caller I haven't even heard his band.

22:14 Adam You haven't heard the band.

22:16 Caller I've heard one of their songs.

22:18 Adam So I don't think you guys are boyfriend and girlfriend. Are you sure?

22:23 Caller Yeah.

22:24 Drew How could it be a girlfriend, him not include you in his important parts of his life?

22:27 Adam You don't go to the shows?

22:29 Caller They haven't been playing shows. They've been recording.

22:32 Adam All right. All right. Hey, can we talk to him?

22:36 Caller He's not here right now.

22:37 Adam Can he call his other girlfriend's house so we can talk to him? All right, baby. Keep your eyes open.

22:45 Caller OK.

22:45 Adam Don't get pregnant.

22:46 Drew This doesn't sound good to us.

22:47 Adam No. I don't know. I'm leaning now toward Drew's original theory. Although, a guy is in a band, a guy who's banging around, and a guy, it could be a technicality thing.

23:02 Drew I'm leaning towards the John. I got to go pee.

23:04 Let's go.

23:06 Drew Hello.

23:07 This is Love Line.

23:13 Adam Well, everybody, from... I was going to say from the frying pan into the fire, but Nelly Furtado is not a frying pan.

23:21 Drew No.

23:21 Adam But we're definitely heading into the fire now.

23:23 Drew Oh, yes.

23:24 Adam Yes. Someone by the name...

23:25 Drew Get your lithium. Get your lithium with shotguns.

23:28 Adam Violent J from Insane Clown Posse. So listen, is your face sort of like...

23:33 Drew Get me the skull. Get me the skull.

23:34 Adam No. I don't want to look at any more stuff. What I'm saying, though, is it's kind of like bridges going from one side of the other and up and down in a way, isn't it?

23:45 Drew Well, the zygoma is a brick bridge, but in here, there's big caverns with all kinds of stuff in it.

23:49 Adam Right. And he... no, he had that broken. How many months ago?

23:53 Best Of It was about four months ago. And when he'd take a hit of his cigarette, if you will, he would take a hit of the cigarette. And when he breathed it out through his nose, one line of smoke would shoot up and the other line would shoot down. And that's when we knew things were very bad with his face. You know what I mean?

24:11 Drew And some came out of his eyes.

24:12 Best Of We didn't know exactly that he looked different because of the clown makeup. We never noticed it. Right. But once we saw the cigarette smoke shooting in two different directions out of his nose, we knew that he had not been healed correctly in the facial area.

24:27 Drew Oh, the tears of a clown. I'm kind of hoping these guys smoke a lot more pot.

24:31 Adam Yeah, it mellows them out.

24:32 Drew Yeah.

24:32 Adam Pot.

24:33 Drew Excuse me. Cigarettes.

24:35 Adam So he had this broken and he didn't have time to correct it through surgery or anything because he had to move on with the tour. And now you have a little pause and it's time to go back and fix it.

24:45 Best Of We have actually six days off.

24:47 Adam Right.

24:48 Best Of Which is plenty for us. That's the biggest vacation we've had in about seven years.

24:52 Adam Wow.

24:52 Best Of So six days off, he is now under the knife. He is receiving reconstructive surgery by the world's greatest surgeons. They flew in Dr. Venmo Bobbs. You may be familiar with these doctors. There is Dr. Orton, who flew in from Germany. There is Dr. Spagnola, who flew in from France. Stop me if you've heard of any of these great facial surgeons. They're all working to reconstruct his face with robotic mechanisms, by the way.

25:21 Adam Yeah, I'm picturing that. I'm hearing the $6 million man theme in the background.

25:25 Best Of Well, he will have what is known as a heat-censoring eye, where he can see animals at night. They got him in the new Cadillac, the night vision, if you will. Or if you won't, it's still there. He's got night vision in his left eye. All of this, I can't really discuss because it hasn't been made public yet.

25:45 Drew Because the government is watching over these things.

25:47 Adam Let me tell you something. If I ever needed surgery, I would want to fly the doctor in, even if I was at the best hospital in the world.

25:54 Drew In fact, you'd fly out of town to fly the doctor over there.

25:57 Adam I would. No, I would insist that he got on a helicopter, circled the hell and land back again, so I could say I flew in the best doctor, the best money could buy.

26:08 Best Of As for the show, just to let you guys know, out of Shaggy and myself, I am a bit nervous, because I usually have Shaggy by my side, rubbing my thigh at this moment. But without Shaggy here, it's quite okay, because I am the more sexually active member of the Insane Clown Posse. In other words, I have sex with probably two, three, four times the women that Shaggy has sex with. If Shaggy does in fact have sex with women, there's heavy speculation that it's been.

26:37 Drew The concern is though, Jay is pretty quiet, and so we didn't make sure he can carry the show tonight. I talked to him before the show, and he was telling me about how much he's having sex.

26:44 Adam We'll see if we can coax him out of a show.

26:46 Best Of I have been having a lot of sex.

26:48 Drew And I asked him, preparing myself for the show. To wear the mask when you're doing it? Oh, no, just the clown makeup.

26:53 Best Of No, see, the mask is like, you know, I came out of my hibernation hotel to do the show with you guys. I wore the mask, you know, but normally I'm in the clown makeup, which I have sex with and it fulfills many a fantasies, you know what I mean? For these women to see makeup. As a matter of fact, I go as far as to say about 80 percent of the women probably wouldn't be having sex with me if I didn't have the makeup on.

27:16 Drew Far from it.

27:17 Adam Right, because they would know you weren't a band.

27:19 Drew Yeah.

27:19 Adam Yeah, I'm speaking of 280, you look like you bulked up a little bit.

27:23 Drew No, no.

27:23 Best Of Oh, yeah, that's strictly muscular.

27:24 Adam No, I don't mean that in a bad way. I'm talking about on steroids or something like that.

27:29 Best Of Well, I'm going to go ahead and leave that one alone.

27:31 Adam But what are you coming in at?

27:34 Best Of What I will say is I'm a rough 280 of solid. Would you like me to take my shirt off?

27:40 Adam No, you're solid.

27:41 Best Of Okay, I will be happy to peel up out of my shirt and show you that what might appear to be sort of loopy, lumpy skin tissues is in fact solid.

27:50 Adam No, no, I've said this about my partner Jimmy Kimmel many times, that he is a rippling 180 pounds of muscle. Unfortunately, he weighs 215. You see, that's the problem. It's the extra 45 pounds sitting, 35 pounds sitting on the 180 rippling muscle.

28:09 Best Of I'm a professional wrestler. I take my health very seriously. You can tell by my outstanding body that I take my health very seriously.

28:18 Adam Your body is a temple.

28:19 Best Of It is a temple that I worship and I live in it and I will be in it for quite some time. So I take it serious.

28:25 Adam And right on. Yes, go ahead.

28:26 Best Of I'm sure you want me to take the shirt off. No. First question, how's your nipples?

28:31 Drew James.

28:32 Caller Yeah.

28:32 Adam What's going on?

28:34 Caller Yeah, I just wanted to know, hey, James, what's up?

28:37 Best Of What's up?

28:38 Caller Not much. Is Bizarre Bazaar the sixth Joker card?

28:41 Best Of Bizarre Bazaar is not the sixth Joker card, but I'm sorry, James, that's his name, James, right?

28:46 Adam Yes.

28:47 Best Of James, how's your nipples?

28:49 Caller Well, I'm a guy, so I don't know.

28:51 Best Of Guys have nipples, James. Yours might have not poked out yet, but they're on their way.

28:56 Adam All right.

28:57 Best Of We're talking about the human body and sex, James. I mean, thank you. Bye. Bizarre Bazaar. But if we can take the next caller, please, concerns about your nipples, your scrotum, whatever. Let's get to this.

29:07 Adam Drew, let's see if we can take some nipple. Let's make it nipple night. Tyler?

29:11 Hey, what's going on?

29:12 Adam You're 16. How are your nipples?

29:14 Caller They're doing all right.

29:15 Adam Good. As Drew knows, I like a little nipple play. I'm not ashamed to admit that.

29:19 Caller Hey, I just got to say one thing.

29:21 Caller We can come up and never die. That's right.

29:26 Best Of You can smack Shaggy's face and break it. We'll never die.

29:29 We'll never die.

29:31 Best Of Even if my nipples caught syphilis in each one of them, I'd never die. Bazaar, bazaar Halloween. Because we just keep living. You guys don't remember this. I was on this show in 1997. Yeah, I remember this. When we got dropped by Disney. Everybody said, so you the big one hit wonder, do you remember every other call that came in was like, you guys are going to be forgotten next year? We're not forgotten. We're all up in that ass. And we're still here, aren't we?

29:57 Drew You know, I got a little resuscitation kit here. This guy's going to blow a hand.

30:01 Adam He put some paddles on it.

30:02 Best Of Come on, you guys, give me props.

30:03 I'm still here.

30:04 Best Of We're not going anywhere. We're here for the juggalos. I'm going to answer questions about your nipples.

30:10 Caller Come on.

30:12 Best Of We're still here.

30:13 Adam Jay, don't shoot your wads. It's a two hour show, buddy. We're still in the first break.

30:18 Drew First break, seven minutes.

30:19 Best Of Everybody give him a little silence for Shaggy.

30:21 Caller Thank you. All right.

30:25 Adam Marla.

30:26 Caller Hi. I just thought I'd inform.

30:28 Adam Drew, hold on. See if we can get a quick rape question while Jay's on a roll. It's always funny.

30:32 Best Of Sharla, where you molested as a child?

30:34 Drew Marla, what's going on?

30:35 Best Of Marla.

30:36 Caller I just thought I'd inform you and the listeners that Ralph Nader is for the legalization of marijuana and the decriminalization of victimless drug crimes.

30:45 Best Of Fine. How's your clitoris?

30:47 Drew I had a discussion. I was on Politically Incorrect with him and I discussed this all with him. I knew he was on board with this, but he was afraid to bring it up. He felt that it was sort of political hot potato that he was being advised not to. So I'm glad to hear that he's standing by his principles.

31:01 Adam Really? He's my hero. All right, Marla. Oh, Jesus. You're 18 and Ralph Nader is your hero? Yes. How fat are you?

31:08 Drew Oh, come on.

31:08 Adam It's true. Come on. Are you a big gal, Marla?

31:12 Best Of No.

31:12 Adam Seriously?

31:13 Drew You're fat. No.

31:14 Best Of Marla, Marla, Marla.

31:16 Caller I just happened to go to school and, you know, worship nice people.

31:21 Best Of Do you finger bang yourself, Marla?

31:23 Drew Marla, thanks for your call. We're saving you from Jay.

31:25 Best Of I'm trying to get into second.

31:27 Adam Thanks. All right. Come on. Let's get some sex calls for Jay. He's all hopped up. I'm scared he's going to jump on one of us.

31:32 Drew Sarah, get him something.

31:34 Adam Sarah, let's have some sex calls, please. Please. Danny?

31:39 Yeah.

31:39 Adam You're 16?

31:40 Caller Hey, how's it going?

31:42 Adam How's it going?

31:42 I'm trying to talk to Jay.

31:44 Adam There he is.

31:44 Hey, Jay. I was wondering what what's up with your guys new tour? Are you guys like kind of doing? I saw Carmine King's and they said you're going to be touring with you guys next year.

31:54 Best Of We've got a tour going out with a group. We're going out with Suicidal Tennessee's. We're going out with. Well, really, we're going out with Nashville. Neddon, I will say, because I don't know if I can pronounce their last Nashville Pussy, right? The name of the group, right? We're also going out with Confrontation Camp, which is Chuck D and Professor Griff's new band. And also we are talking with the Jim Rose Circus side.

32:18 So, oh, my God.

32:20 Best Of What's the name of what's the caller's name?

32:22 Adam Danny.

32:22 Best Of Danny, does your scrotum flake if you scratch it too often?

32:27 No, no, it doesn't flake.

32:29 Best Of OK, keep it moist and it shouldn't flake.

32:32 OK.

32:32 Adam All right, Danny.

32:33 Hey, hey.

32:34 Adam Yeah.

32:34 Oh, I had a question real fast about DXM.

32:37 Drew Yeah.

32:38 I wondered, like, what the, if there's any sexual effects on it.

32:42 Drew Don't know much about it. It keeps coming up. I've never seen anybody. I've not had much clinical experience, people being exposed to it. It comes up in discussions. Whenever I'm talking about ecstasy, people want to blame DXM for the... What's DXM? It's just another sort of designer hallucinogenic.

32:55 Best Of It's sort of like when you eat Chinese food, the MSG's make you tired. It's very similar to that, as Dr. Drew will tell you.

33:04 Drew I'm not clear what DXM is, frankly. I have no experience with it.

33:07 Best Of I will tell you this though. Dr. Drew is very similar sounding to Dr. Dre. And let's just hope when Suge Knight gets out of jail, he doesn't accidentally pick your name out of the phone book, right?

33:19 Adam It's listed.

33:20 Best Of I'm thinking. I'm thinking.

33:22 Adam Jennifer?

33:22 Hello?

33:23 Adam Hey.

33:24 Caller Hi, what's up?

33:25 Adam Hey, you're 16.

33:26 Caller Yeah, hi.

33:27 Caller I've been listening to you guys for a long time.

33:29 Adam Great. What's going on?

33:30 Caller Oh, my God. I love you guys so much.

33:32 Adam Thank you.

33:33 Caller So, so I'm really nervous.

33:36 Best Of Let's hear about those nipples. Come on, babe. Do they are the perky or do they sag already at 16?

33:43 Caller Oh, they're perky.

33:43 Best Of Oh, they're perky. Okay, they should be till about roughly 25 maybe.

33:47 Adam Yes, enjoy.

33:48 Best Of They start to drop.

33:49 Caller Oh, I love them. I play with them all the time.

33:53 Adam I think you added a little playtime for Jay tonight, by the way.

33:56 Best Of I'll be happy to flick them inside out, whatever you'd like.

33:59 Caller I can lick them.

34:00 Adam All right, babe.

34:01 Best Of Come on, you're 16. I got cases, pending as it is. Let's get to the question.

34:05 Caller All right. Well, I've been having leakage for about three months.

34:10 Best Of I'm going to leave this one up to you guys.

34:11 Drew Where's the leakage from?

34:13 Caller Huh?

34:13 Drew Where's the leakage from?

34:14 Caller Like the nipple itself.

34:16 Drew Jay might be into this.

34:17 Best Of You know what?

34:18 Adam Jay, are you into that at all?

34:19 Best Of Did you know that New York is playing New York to share the world?

34:24 Adam I mean, that's crazy, isn't it?

34:25 Best Of I heard about that.

34:26 I couldn't believe it.

34:29 Best Of How about those leaky nipples? I'll tell you something right now about those nipples. What you want to do is you want to go ahead and twist them. Get yourself a ziplock, put it around the nipple, pull the ziplock, it's tight. You can't cut the circulation off. Very good.

34:43 Adam Yeah.

34:44 Best Of Have somebody flick it. If it makes a noise like you can hear, if it stiffens up, it should close the hole of the leakage and go ahead and go to sleep. And let's forget we ever had this problem.

34:53 Adam All right. Would sealing the nipple work or would that not be it?

34:58 Drew I don't know.

34:58 Caller My shirt gets wet.

35:00 Adam I see.

35:01 Drew Any chance you're pregnant?

35:02 Caller Yeah. Maybe. I'm not sure.

35:04 Drew Okay. That would be a cause of this. All right.

35:07 Caller Yeah. But is this supposed to happen that soon?

35:09 Drew They can. Are you on any medication?

35:11 Caller I was on Paxil.

35:12 Drew Paxil can do this?

35:13 Caller I was on birth control.

35:14 Drew Birth control? Kind of can do this. And thyroid problems can do this.

35:17 Best Of I'm on both of them and I have had no problems with my nipples leaking at all.

35:21 Drew But you should preoccupy with nipples. Maybe...

35:24 Adam Jennifer? You're on Paxil and you're on birth control. Why might you be pregnant if you're on birth control?

35:31 Caller I don't know. My boyfriend thinks he has super sperm.

35:34 Drew Meaning you missed some pills?

35:36 Caller Huh?

35:36 Drew Meaning you missed some pills?

35:38 Caller No.

35:38 Caller I don't need them.

35:40 Best Of No.

35:40 Adam Any guy who announces he has super sperm is almost... is always like borderline retarded and shouldn't have kids.

35:46 Best Of Listen, I could have sex with your mom and I'd get you pregnant. That's how popular and powerful my sperms are.

35:51 This guy is sick.

35:53 Best Of That's a whole other subject.

35:54 Adam So what should she do? Drew.

35:56 Drew She needs to see a doctor because she needs a thyroid check. Sometimes pituitary tumors can do this. There are other things that can do it.

36:02 Adam Yeah. Hey, Sarah, what's going on over there with the phone lines? What's happening? Anderson, you got to slide in there. I've been staring at the same two calls on the screen for the last 40 minutes.

36:15 Best Of Well, it's a very important subject. The wet nipples are something we need to discuss, I think, wholeheartedly, don't you guys?

36:21 Oh, yeah. Yeah.

36:22 Best Of I might be a little bit overweight myself, but I don't particularly...

36:28 Adam No, you're not overweight.

36:29 Best Of Well, I don't have sex with...

36:30 Adam No, you're husky.

36:31 Best Of I don't have sex with large women because like two fat people having sex is like something that just shouldn't happen.

36:38 Drew I thought you were ripped. You're not fat.

36:40 Adam Oh, no.

36:40 Best Of Did I say I was fat? I meant I'm fat ripped with a P-H-A-T.

36:44 I'm fat muscular.

36:45 Adam Get hip to the lingo.

36:47 Drew I see.

36:47 All right.

36:48 Drew How about this one?

36:49 Adam All right. Sarah?

36:51 Best Of Leek nipples.

36:52 Adam Yeah. Anderson, start doing the phones over here or do something. Go ahead. Beth?

37:00 Yes.

37:00 Adam You're 30?

37:02 Caller Yes.

37:02 Caller What's up?

37:04 Caller I've been taking Xanax two milligrams a day for about seven years, six or seven years, and my doctor can't prescribe for me now because I have a different insurance.

37:16 Drew Oh, boy.

37:18 Caller And I can't get an appointment right away with a new doctor and I'm about to run out of the pills.

37:23 Drew You've got to find a way to get more.

37:24 Adam Well, you should take them all once then, right?

37:27 Caller I've tried. Does that work?

37:29 Drew The doctor you're leaving has a responsibility to cover you until you find a new doctor.

37:33 Adam Can't it give you samples?

37:35 Drew That's what I'm saying.

37:35 Caller No, it's not a question of the money. It's illegal for me to pay for myself to see him because I have a different insurance.

37:44 Drew Yeah, but he doesn't matter. He has a responsibility to cover you for prescriptions.

37:48 Adam Drew, what if she doesn't take her Xanax? What will happen?

37:50 Drew You'll have a seizure.

37:51 Adam It's been seven years. She's not taking that much.

37:54 Best Of Well, what does this have to do with nipples? I've got plenty of problems with panic attacks.

37:58 Adam Really?

37:59 Best Of I've actually wound up in a special home twice, but I haven't been in one in like a year and a half. We talked about this last time on the show.

38:05 Drew We did, yeah, yeah.

38:06 Best Of I'm flattered that you remember. Yeah. But I was very ill for panic attacks. My nipples were wet and everything. It was a horrible time in my life. But things are different now.

38:16 Adam Now you give everyone else a panic attack.

38:18 Best Of Xanax, Zolofts, I take Xanax, Zolofts.

38:20 Drew Maybe you take a Zoloft.

38:21 Best Of I take an entire box of NyQuil pills every night.

38:25 Adam What happened when you went to the mental asylum?

38:27 Best Of I didn't know what a panic attack was. Imagine never even heard of what a panic attack was. And all of a sudden you can't breathe and you're terrified and you think everybody's trying to kill you. And you literally can't breathe and you're sweating and you don't know what it is, you know? So I just wigged out and I cut all my hair off and I just totally freaked out.

38:47 Adam And who dragged you to the mental hospital?

38:49 Best Of My brother dragged me home and my mom dragged me into the mental asylum. And I spent three days, because I wouldn't answer, I thought it was a horrible time, man. It's hard to be, you know, it's hard to be advice worthy. Is that the right word? It's hard to help these people with their wet nipples and discuss my panic attacks at the same time, because my panic attack was a horrible, horrible thing. And now I take the Zoloft, the Xanax, and a pack of Nyquil pills and Vicodin, and about six Tylenol PMs every night.

39:19 Drew When you took that, when you had the panic attack, were you coming off some other drugs or substances?

39:23 Best Of It just hit me out of nowhere. I was in the bus one night, and I woke up, and I was just like, it was just a horrible, horrible time.

39:30 Adam What does Tylenol PMs ruin his liver?

39:33 Drew The Tylenol can. But the Vicodin has got Tylenol too.

39:36 Adam We're going to take a little break. Violent J is here from the same clown posse. Drew, I want you to line J out during the break about what he can and can't take, what he can and can't mix, what he's doing to his liver, ways to get him to sleep, maybe to sleep. Maybe it's time, maybe prescribe him something.

39:53 Best Of The liver's been gone.

39:54 Adam No, no, you need your liver. I know that. I'm no med student, but I know that. All right, we'll talk to Roxanne when we come back. She had a breast reduction. Means her nipples may have shrunk, J. And she wants to know if they're going to grow back after this. Yay, kiddies. Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That's my good friend, Dr. Drew, over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Violent J is in here tonight from the Insane Clown Posse.

40:29 Best Of Everybody out there listening, you might think, I don't know about squirting nipples and all that. And I might not. You know, I don't know nothing about your, your, your Neddon.

40:36 Drew Oh, maybe the Zoloft made your nipples leak.

40:39 Best Of Well, my nipples didn't actually leak, Dr. Drew. That was, them was jokes back when I was talking about the leaping nipples. Um, but I will say this, uh, did we, when you, did you hear that? No, that wasn't my nipple, was it? Could've been. When you hear, when you hear the music.

40:57 Adam Yeah, there it goes again.

40:58 Best Of When you hear our music, you'll realize that I might not know about leaking nipples and rusty clitorises. But, I do know about music, because I am a musical.

41:08 Adam That's fine. We got Violent J and that's good enough for us. Bizarre and bizarre.

41:14 Best Of And let's go all the way and get into some phone calls about some drippy nipples.

41:20 Yeah, that's the way I like them.

41:21 Caller Nice and drippy.

41:22 Adam Thomas?

41:23 Yeah.

41:24 Adam What's up?

41:26 I was wondering what connection J and ICP has with the Cottonmouth Kings?

41:32 Best Of Cottonmouth Kings are friends of ours. I used to be on the same label as a couple members of the band. And they are friends of ours. And that is the only connection.

41:44 All right.

41:44 Best Of But they are great. They are awesome in concert. And they are absolutely fabulous. And as far as I know, their nipples are fine.

41:55 How are your nipples doing, J?

41:57 Best Of Mine are wet. We've already gone over this. If you pay attention to the damn show.

42:01 Drew Zoloft. This is Zoloft.

42:03 Adam I think the Cottonmouth Kings were in here two years ago. Year and a half ago?

42:08 Drew At least.

42:08 Adam At least. Two years ago.

42:10 Best Of They like to smoke a lot of marijuana, so I'm told.

42:13 Caller Really?

42:13 Drew I'm kidding.

42:14 Caller Really?

42:14 Best Of That's the word on the streets.

42:15 Adam Well, they should come in. If you see them, tell them to come in here again. George?

42:19 Hey.

42:19 Adam You're 18. What's going on?

42:21 Caller Yeah. Well, I masturbate and I get a climax.

42:26 Adam I see.

42:26 Hold on.

42:27 Adam Hold on. Slow down. Slow down.

42:28 Yeah.

42:29 Adam Slow down. You're 18. You're male.

42:33 Caller Yeah.

42:34 Adam You say you masturbate.

42:35 Caller Yeah.

42:36 Adam Wow. Then as you masturbate, something comes out of your penis?

42:39 Caller Yeah.

42:40 Adam It's not urine? Semen?

42:42 Caller Yeah.

42:42 Adam Okay. All right.

42:43 Drew Adam, I'm not sure I learned about this in medical school.

42:45 Adam I'm trying to stay with him.

42:46 Drew This is bizarre.

42:46 Caller Oh, all right.

42:47 Adam Keep going.

42:48 Drew Bizarre, bizarre.

42:49 Adam Keep going.

42:49 Caller And then it shrinks, like really, really small.

42:52 Adam You mean when you're done?

42:53 Caller Yeah.

42:53 Adam Hold on a second.

42:54 Drew Oh, my God.

42:54 Adam Drew, grab it. I need another scratch pad here. I filled this one up.

42:57 Drew Oh, man. We got to get this kid.

43:00 Adam Hold on. Do you get an erection?

43:02 Yeah.

43:02 Adam As you're masturbating?

43:04 Yeah. Oh.

43:05 Drew Why?

43:06 Adam All right.

43:06 Drew That is my witness.

43:07 Adam Drew, in 25 years of medical profession, have you ever heard of this?

43:11 Drew Bizarre, bizarre.

43:12 Adam Bizarre, bizarre.

43:13 Best Of This kid needs to be smacked in the mouth. That's what you call to say?

43:18 Adam Yeah. Thanks, George. That's it?

43:21 Best Of George, you're an ass. I can't say that.

43:23 Adam No, you can say it.

43:24 Best Of George, can I say that? George, you are an asshole, George. Perhaps, perhaps... What did you share that with us, George? Are you masturbating right now? Is that your fetish you just now completed it? You called them totals, you jacked off, you've nut on your face and your dingy tricks.

43:40 Caller Wow!

43:41 Caller Oh my God!

43:43 Best Of Somebody hold the phones! I can't believe that! George, are you OK? When you nutted, did it hurt?

43:50 Caller Oh my God!

43:51 Best Of George, somebody get his parents on the phone!

43:54 Adam You know what I want? Speaking of parents, I was just having this fantasy about taking Violent J around with me to family functions and things like that, right?

44:03 Best Of George just shared that with the world. I go to school tomorrow, George, just share it with your classmates. I'm sure they're happy to hear it, too. You called, you do the knuckle shuffle on your bump, and you bust a nut. Well, damn, that's quite an accomplishment, George! Why don't you curve your penis around and stick it in your anus and hump yourself, George?

44:24 Adam Very, very solid advice from Jay.

44:27 Best Of It'll probably feel better than the fist, right? I mean, the nice warm butthole?

44:31 Drew Thinking about Jay, you can't say anything to him. It's too scary.

44:33 Adam No, but you know what I'm saying? Wouldn't it be great to bring Jay around with you so he could do your bidding for you? I would like him to just keep my family in line.

44:40 Best Of George Jaxoff, that was something that we really needed to hear.

44:44 Drew What would you tell him to say to your family? How would they go? Sit down, do it. Test the turkey, please.

44:48 Adam I'd give them a little prep on the ride in. You know, my mom, she didn't pay too much attention to me, smoke all too much pot, she didn't cook enough. Jay, why don't you straighten around?

44:59 Drew How do you know it might not turn on you, though?

45:01 Best Of Come on, you guys, Jordan, come on.

45:02 Adam I keep the Xanax.

45:03 Best Of You guys can't.

45:04 Caller That's not a respectable call.

45:06 Best Of That was...

45:07 Adam Right. All right. Now, you're absolutely right. And thank you for yelling at a caller, because usually I'm the one who wastes all my energy yelling at callers all night. And thank God Jay's here to do it for me.

45:16 Best Of I stroke my penis and I nudge it, and then my finger went sauce.

45:22 Caller Oh, what kind of question is that?

45:26 Best Of What is it? I've got a homo! Well, George, you're a man for sharing that with us, George. You're a hell of a man, damn it. Come here, let me give you a pat on the back. Nice to share your feelings with. That's a real man, right? Let's just give a warm, give me a handshake and a hug, because we're men together. You jack off, I jack off, George, damn it. You finally shared it with us. Thanks for opening up. Now open up your butthole and stick your ding-a-ling in it and get the hell out of here.

45:48 Caller I'd like to give him a Yokozuna!

45:53 Best Of Yokozuna died, he just died two days ago. That was the most undisrespectful story.

45:57 Drew Wait, who is he?

45:58 Best Of He's a wrestler, he died and he's making jokes about him.

46:01 Adam I didn't know he died.

46:02 Best Of He's 700 pounds and he died and he's the nicest man in the world in here.

46:05 Drew 700 pounds?

46:06 Best Of And Adam's gonna sit here and bust on him and talk about a satin.

46:10 Adam That was an homage. I said I was gonna give him a Yokozuna.

46:12 He might have a block of door here.

46:13 Best Of His family's listening and now he's dead and they're not over it yet. And you're making jokes about him on national radio. What the hell's going on?

46:19 Adam Drew, get the door.

46:20 Drew Yeah, I'm opening the door.

46:21 Adam All right, we're gonna take a little break. Violent J.

46:24 Best Of George, do it again and call us, you pansy.

46:28 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

46:31 Adam Hey, everybody, Loveline. Best of Loveline, as a matter of fact, I'm Adam Carolla's Dr. Drew. And please enjoy Crazy Town. Crazy Town is our guest tonight, Shifty. Don't call him Seth is here as well as Brett, the epic from Crazy Town. We will hear, I think what we'll do with Crazy Town because they're a relatively new band, but people should know the song Butterfly, is we'll play the song Butterfly. So everyone goes, oh yes, I know those guys, I like that song.

47:03 Caller Killer.

47:03 Adam And then for the rest of the show, you guys will get the respect that you deserve.

47:06 Caller All right.

47:07 All right.

47:07 Adam So why don't we just play the Crazy Town song, play Butterfly right now. And then we'll get back, do a little interview and take some calls.

47:15 Come on, baby.

47:16 Adam You good Anderson?

47:17 Bring it on.

50:41 Adam There you go. Now, poor Anderson doesn't play the applause sound effect anymore.

50:46 Caller If you don't know, now you know.

50:48 Adam Yes, you can do that, Anderson. You get a green light on that. That is a crazy town. The gift of the game is the gift of game, pardon me, is the name of the CD. All right, Drew, you ready? Is that your...

51:00 Drew That's my strength.

51:00 Adam You got work out there? Helen?

51:03 Caller Yes.

51:04 Adam You're 22?

51:05 Caller Yes.

51:05 Adam What's up?

51:06 Caller Hello, a gentleman had told me that Time Life magazine published an article that if you were to swallow the semen, that it would enlarge your boobs.

51:18 Drew Let's see, Time Life, Time Life, that has been published as Time Life in about 50 years.

51:23 Adam It hasn't?

51:24 Drew So that would have been a nice little article about 1947.

51:27 Adam What is it? Just Time or Life?

51:28 Drew Just Time magazine. What happened to Life magazine? That's, Life's still around here now, but...

51:35 Caller If your boobs are big, you're allowed to swallow the semen.

51:37 Drew Adam's been saying this for years.

51:39 Adam Yes.

51:40 Caller Alright, well thank you.

51:41 Adam Yeah. Hey, how's it going through life that way? I mean the way you are, Helen. Okay, I guess we got our answer. Just sometimes I just stop and think, what must it be like to go through life that way? You know what I mean?

51:56 Drew Believing everything.

51:57 Adam Well, just not only some guy tells you, but you're going to call a radio station, see if you can't suss it out. Alan? Alan?

52:06 Hello?

52:07 Adam Yes, you're 15.

52:08 Caller What's up there, Squirrel? Say, Adam, you're God.

52:11 Adam Oh, thank you.

52:11 Caller And Dr. Drew, I have great respect for you and for your doctoral business. Yeah. And, uh, Crazy Town? Yeah. Thank you, man.

52:20 Thank you. Thank you.

52:21 Caller We appreciate it. My question is, I've been having wet dreams literally, like, this entire week, and it's really freaking me out. I mean, I don't know what's going on. I've never had them before. And all of a sudden, just... Sounds like you're having fun.

52:33 Drew You've never had them before, and then they turn on. Well, there you go.

52:36 Adam I'll tell you, I don't have them because I masturbate feverishly every night before I go to bed. But I'd pay... I'd pay a hundred bucks per wet dream now as an adult, as a working adult. I really would. I haven't had one in, you know, 15 years.

52:51 Drew You could skip one session and you'd have one.

52:54 Caller I remember that.

52:55 Adam If you could guarantee that, I would skip a session.

52:58 Drew You'd pay me a hundred bucks?

53:00 Adam You know, you'd pay me a hundred if I didn't have one. Or you'd just come over and have to finish me off. Whichever one you wanted to do.

53:08 Caller What are you dreaming about?

53:11 Caller Just, I mean, it can be everyday stuff. Sometimes it's something sexual, but other times it's just...

53:15 Caller The same girl?

53:15 Caller I'm playing with my dog. And I'll just... And you just nut?

53:19 Caller Nut all over yourself.

53:20 Caller Yeah.

53:21 Adam And this is five nights in a row?

53:24 Caller It's been the past three nights, and before that it was about five after that. And I wake up nervous every night that there's going to be something down there.

53:30 Adam Who's doing the laundry?

53:32 Caller My mom, which I'm really worried about.

53:34 Adam You should. Yeah.

53:36 Caller Just start bringing some food to bed with you and just tell her you spilled it.

53:39 Adam Yeah, bring that.

53:40 Caller That's what we do.

53:41 Adam Nice big court of.

53:43 Caller Sticky situation.

53:44 Adam Pineapple kefir.

53:46 Caller Well, are you enjoying it?

53:48 Caller No, it's very nerve-racking. I mean, I don't masturbate, so.

53:52 Adam Yeah, well, why don't, you know.

53:53 Caller That's what it means.

53:54 Adam You got God giving you a hand job as soon as you fall asleep. Why don't you take care of yourself before you go to bed?

53:59 Caller And then you'll be on empty for a minute.

54:01 Adam Right.

54:01 Caller I'm very religious, so I kind of.

54:04 Adam No, he's a jack off. I don't believe him.

54:06 Caller I agree.

54:07 Adam I'll see you in hell, brother.

54:08 Caller Thank you.

54:08 Adam All right, you idiot. He's full of crap.

54:10 Drew Yep, I agree.

54:11 Adam You know why? Because biologically, you would not have a wet dream three nights in a row.

54:16 Caller Right.

54:16 Adam You just wouldn't. As I say, almost impossible from a biological standpoint.

54:20 Caller Well.

54:21 Adam Secondly.

54:21 Caller Yeah. Five.

54:23 Adam Yeah, it's impossible.

54:24 Drew It's just unlikely.

54:25 Adam Yeah.

54:26 Drew Some people are super hypersexual.

54:27 Adam I. Yes, go ahead.

54:29 Drew Maybe twice.

54:30 Caller Well, you know, really, really, it was a recurring if it was like the same girl and the same dream.

54:35 Adam Yeah. But you see, the whole thing about the sex dream, the whole wet dream is it's like a relief valve when too much pressure is built up. So it's a safety valve.

54:45 Caller Right.

54:46 Adam It's when your nuts are going to explode. So you have to release some pressure off in the night. But it just wouldn't work two nights in a row.

54:55 Caller Right.

54:55 Adam I wish it would. Drew, do you seriously think I could have one if I backed off myself a little bit?

55:00 Drew The pace you're going, yeah. Your nuts might explode if you didn't.

55:03 Caller Alright. Alright.

55:04 Adam I'm going to try that tonight. But like I said, I'm going to be over tomorrow night if nothing happens. James?

55:10 Caller Yeah.

55:10 Adam You're 30.

55:11 Caller Yeah.

55:12 Adam What's up?

55:13 Caller I got this girlfriend and she's just like, I mean she's great looking, right? But she's just, she's at my work all the time. She's at my home all the time. She's, she's just like all over me and she's great looking. I really don't want to turn her away.

55:36 Adam Yeah. You got to kill yourself, brother. I mean hot looking chick.

55:40 Caller Yeah.

55:40 Best Of All over you, you know, knocking down your door.

55:43 Adam No, that's right. Hey, I sympathize, man. I remember when I had that.

55:47 Caller I never thought it would be like this, but she is like just the most aggressive woman you could ever imagine. I mean, she comes to my work and I'm a manager of my work, right? She comes to my work and just the roses, I mean, she comes to the office and just takes everything off.

56:04 Adam Don't you mean freezer?

56:06 Caller Freezer. You want us to take her off your hands?

56:10 Adam Where are you working, James?

56:13 Caller We're working at a retail store.

56:15 Adam I see.

56:15 Caller So it's kind of a very public place.

56:17 Adam We're going to a store that's retail where you sell things. I see.

56:22 It's a very public place.

56:23 Adam I see. All right. Well, why don't you tell her to just tone it down a little, or she's not going to get any more penis.

56:29 Caller How old is she?

56:29 Adam Threatener.

56:30 Caller She's 28. She's a redhead.

56:32 Caller 28?

56:32 Caller Yeah. Gorgeous. All right.

56:35 Caller Drop that gorgeous.

56:36 Adam James?

56:37 Caller Yeah. All right.

56:37 Adam Forget it.

56:39 Caller Listen.

56:39 Best Of There's worse problems in the world.

56:42 Adam I'm not here to advise guys are getting laid too much in their thirties. There's a problem. Well, my problem is I have to bang the bejesus out of her on my desk about three days a week. So I'm thinking of killing myself. What do you say? Listen. Have a talk with her. If she can't figure out that your job may be important to you, then you got to dump her no matter what she looks like. You know, it's funny about guys, though. If a girl's really hot looking, it'll trump anything else. Right. It's like she banged my dad and my cousin, and my grandfather, and she tried to kill me. And she put sugar in my gas tank and she ate my dog. And she she goose steps around like like a Nazi youth. But she's hot.

57:27 Caller Yeah. You never hear that with like, but she's a troll.

57:29 Adam But she's fat. What am I going to do? But she's missing teeth. No, it is so true. I mean, how much leeway does your average dorky guy cut a good looking girl? And how short is the leash that's on the fat, ugly chick?

57:43 Caller Yeah.

57:44 Adam Yeah, it's like, honey, I told you take the shoes off before you get in the El Camino. That's it. It's over. It's over.

57:51 Caller Yeah, you look for any reason.

57:53 Adam Get in the back, honey. No, no, I told you what. Get in the back. I don't don't give me December. Don't give me Iowa.

57:59 Caller Get in the back.

58:00 Adam You ride in the cold. You learn a lesson.

58:02 Caller It's a dictatorship.

58:03 Caller Right, right.

58:04 Adam That's right. You become a castrum instead of castrated, which is what happens when they're good looking. Carly, Carly.

58:13 Caller Hello.

58:14 Adam A little difficult to get through tonight.

58:17 Drew What's up, Carly?

58:19 Caller Me and my boyfriend have been together for nine months, like on and off. The first month we were together, I cheated on him twice. And I didn't tell him at first. I denied it and denied it. But it finally came out and I talked to him about it. And I told him, you know, what happened. And we have now been together for eight months. After the first month, like in the eight month period that we've been together now, I lost my virginity to him. And he still does not trust me.

58:47 Drew What do you mean you cheated with two guys?

58:50 Caller Well, one guy, it was just a kiss. It happened and it was really nothing. And then the other guy, I ended up going down on him at a party. And I told my boyfriend, I'm not cheating on him now, but he thinks that I am. And I want to get through to him and I'm not. And I don't know how.

59:09 Adam But don't you keep stressing that you're not currently cheating on him?

59:14 Caller Yes, I do. And like, I just got a new job. And he insists that there's guys at my work that I'm messing around with. And he even came to work to see me one day. I work with, I work at a pharmacy with a bunch of older ladies. And I mean, there's no way I'm cheating on him. And I try to tell him that and he doesn't believe me.

59:30 Adam I see. But you got to understand, you guys, you did get off to a little bit of a shaky start.

59:35 Caller Yeah, we did.

59:35 Drew I thought it was eight months ago.

59:37 Caller I mean, I really do love him with all my heart. I don't know why.

59:39 Drew And many relationships start out that way.

59:41 Adam All right. But has he paid you back for cheating?

59:44 Caller No. And he, like, he lately has been like, like, we've been separated this last week and he went to, like, a dance club and he's like, yeah, I had a lot of fun or whatever. And I'm like, I tell him I miss him all the time. And he's like, well, I want to get over you, but I miss you and.

59:58 Adam Yeah. How old is he?

1:00:00 Caller He's 17 also.

1:00:01 Drew Oh, that energy.

1:00:02 Caller It doesn't sound like he believes you.

1:00:04 Caller Like, I don't know, I don't know how to get through to him. Like, I want him to trust me, but I don't know how to get him to trust me.

1:00:08 Caller All right.

1:00:09 Adam Here's.

1:00:09 Caller Time to move on.

1:00:10 Adam Now, here's what I think you have to do.

1:00:12 Caller Tough love.

1:00:12 Adam We talk about this from time to time. Tough love. And I wish someone would have done it to me when I was 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, all the way to today.

1:00:20 Caller Yeah.

1:00:20 Adam And you guys tell me if this sounds familiar. When you're young, especially 17, you got a ton of that energy.

1:00:26 Caller Right.

1:00:27 Adam You're always looking through pictures, photos. Who's this dude? Who's Johnny Boutonniere?

1:00:32 Caller Yeah.

1:00:33 Adam That was the ninth grade Sadie Hawkins. Yeah.

1:00:35 Caller Yeah.

1:00:36 Adam What happened after the dance? He died in a car crash. Yeah. He's lucky he died. I kill him by song. Yeah. You know, it's like, and you have all this energy. And in the girls, what they usually do is they just backpedal. No, no, no. He didn't mean anything. No, I don't know. It's all about you. What you need to do is you need to get a little aggressive. You need to go, hey, listen.

1:00:56 Caller And that's like shut up.

1:00:57 Adam I'm giving you a speech here. So yeah, but that's good. It's good. You're assertive. You need to say, listen, I screwed up early and I'm sorry. But that was a mistake I made. It was a long time ago. I love you. I don't cheat on you. And you've got to get over it. Yeah, because we got to move on.

1:01:14 Caller And it keeps going the way it's going. It's really painful.

1:01:18 Adam If you keep going, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I love you. No, no. He's just going to keep steamrolling and spinning out of control.

1:01:25 Caller Like all my friends are like, you know, you have to get more aggressive. And like he swears that something happened to me when I was younger. Like the other day we were talking and he's like, you never like I don't. I'm not a strong person. I can't stick up for myself. And I've always had that problem. And he swears I was like molested or something. Like the other day he told me he was like, he's been listening to this show. No, he was like, you never stick up for yourself. He was like, did something happen to you when you were younger? And I'm like, no, nothing happened to me, you know? And he's like, you know, something happened. You can tell me, but nothing did.

1:01:55 Caller And he's suspecting intimacy issues, I think.

1:01:57 Caller Like, there was something wrong with me.

1:01:59 Caller Right.

1:01:59 Caller Not at all.

1:02:00 Caller Yeah, maybe he wants to, you know, let you know something.

1:02:03 Adam Hey, Carly, why? Now I'm going to I'm going to retract my last statement. Why are you fighting so hard for something that's sort of chaotic and a mess?

1:02:10 Caller I don't know. Like, I love him so much. And like, I lost my virginity to him.

1:02:14 Caller I think that's what it is.

1:02:15 Caller That's it. You're comfortable and special. It's a special thing.

1:02:19 Caller I'm so comfortable around him. Like, I've never been this comfortable around everyone.

1:02:22 Drew Everyone has great pain giving up that first bond. That's one of the reasons it's important to wait for sexual activity to fit.

1:02:27 Caller I should have waited.

1:02:28 Caller And I always said, I'm going to wait, I'm going to wait. But I thought he was a guy and like, I always tell him, I love you. I'm not cheating on you. But he doesn't get it.

1:02:37 Drew Well, here's the thing. If you're 24 or under, it's not the guy.

1:02:40 Adam Right.

1:02:40 Drew It's not.

1:02:41 Adam No. Carly?

1:02:43 Caller Yeah.

1:02:44 Adam Tell him as forcefully as you can that you love him and you're not cheating. And if you don't buy it, hang him out. That's it. That's it.

1:02:50 Caller And if he says, you know, I don't want to like he's lately been telling me, I don't want to talk to you. I want to get over you. Like, don't call me.

1:02:55 Adam All right.

1:02:55 Drew Well, then don't do it. Yeah, don't call.

1:02:58 Adam Don't listen. I don't know. I wish there was some pill I could give all our listeners. That first relationship you think is going on forever. It's so powerful. It's got its hooks in you. You keep thinking you think the idea of never seeing this person again or never talking to them again again is unbearable. Yeah. Now you get older and it's like.

1:03:18 Caller What the hell was that? Why did I care so much?

1:03:20 Adam What was I thinking? Yeah, how do I get out? You know what I mean?

1:03:24 Drew You would have ended it years prior. Within weeks, it's supposed to be years.

1:03:28 Adam Yes. Every relationship goes on about three times as long as it should when you're under money.

1:03:34 Caller It could totally screw you up for the future if you don't get out of it.

1:03:37 Adam How many people have killed themselves over this? How many of us have been in a situation where we were, if someone put a gun in your hand at the right time and told you, just go ahead and do it, you'll be in less pain? I may have done it at a time, maybe twice. Drew, can you kill yourself twice? You could. Heather?

1:03:55 Caller Yeah.

1:03:56 Adam You're 16. What's up?

1:03:57 Caller Hi.

1:03:59 Caller I love you guys.

1:04:00 Caller I listen to you every night.

1:04:01 Caller Thanks.

1:04:03 Caller I have a question. When I masturbate, I fantasize about girls. I can only get off when I fantasize about girls. And I can't when I'm thinking about guys. But in real life, I am totally attracted to guys. I go out with guys.

1:04:19 Caller And girls just aren't attracted to me in that way.

1:04:22 Caller I'm just wondering what's up.

1:04:23 Caller I think you should come here and we'll talk about it maybe.

1:04:26 Drew 16.

1:04:26 Caller 16. Oh, no. Don't come here. Wait two years and then come here.

1:04:30 Adam You have a younger sister you could sign over? Yeah. You know, this is the beauty of women. Guys could never ever do this. Never. It never would.

1:04:40 Caller Yeah, it doesn't work.

1:04:41 Adam Really chicks, but you're picturing a guy blowing another guy whacking off.

1:04:45 Caller Yeah, as long as you're getting off, you know, I wouldn't worry about it.

1:04:48 Adam Come on, Barry, go down on it. Yeah.

1:04:50 Drew You know, in real life, you're trying to demand and this is sort of a fantasy.

1:04:54 Adam Right. But let me float a theory here. Speaking of floating stuff, boy, I had some great gas on the way over, Drew. Huge, epic, but novelty gas.

1:05:06 Drew It was novelty smelling or novelty sounding?

1:05:08 Adam Smelling and sounding, both. High scores from both, both by both judges. But Heather, here's what I think. I think for women, when a lot of them masturbate, it's like a little naughty. It has to do with being a little naughty. And the idea of thinking about women makes it a little naughtier. I'm getting some looks from the female peanut gallery out there. Is that true? A 16-year-old girl. When a 16-year-old girl...

1:05:33 Caller I'm not that young.

1:05:35 Adam I know, but I'm saying, when a man masturbates, it's mechanical, it's business.

1:05:41 Caller Biological function.

1:05:42 Adam It's a biological, mechanical event. For women, I think they go to a little naughtier place.

1:05:47 Caller It becomes like erotica, fantasy.

1:05:50 Adam Yeah. So, what guys do is guys masturbate in lieu of having sex. I mean, they would like...

1:05:59 Caller like women...

1:06:00 Adam ah, ah. Here you go. Women will masturbate to a guy who they wouldn't have sex with. You know what I'm saying? You see the kind of retarded logic? That's why they're stupid. Women will masturbate to like some guy at an office who they know, but may be attracted to, but would never get in bed with. Where if a man masturbated to a woman, he would definitely be on that woman. He's only masturbating to her because he can't be with her.

1:06:28 Caller Right. Right.

1:06:29 Caller So he's waiting for the opportunity. As soon as he gets a chance, he's in there.

1:06:33 Adam Obviously. So, Heather, maybe this is a little naughty place kind of thing, and maybe two women going at it makes it just a little extra fantasy.

1:06:43 Caller Probably, because I don't think I'm like a lesbian at all.

1:06:46 Adam No, no, we don't think you are.

1:06:48 Drew A lot of women like the...

1:06:49 Adam No, you're good times, baby.

1:06:50 Caller And there's nothing wrong with being a lesbian.

1:06:52 Drew Yeah, but there's a lot of images of a lesbian out there, and a lot of women like the warmth and sort of intimacy portrayed in those interactions.

1:06:59 Adam Yeah. A lot of women like to keep the penis out of the masturbatory session.

1:07:02 Drew Well, it's also a way porn portrays the male-female interactions. It's very regressive.

1:07:09 Adam Yeah.

1:07:09 Caller I don't know if you don't like that.

1:07:10 Adam All right. They want it to be like a Calgon bath commercial.

1:07:13 Drew Yeah, exactly.

1:07:14 Adam Take me away.

1:07:15 Drew Yes.

1:07:15 Caller All right.

1:07:15 Adam Crazy Town is our guest tonight. We're going to take a little break. When we come back, we'll talk to more screwed up teens after this.

1:07:23 Caller Love Line will be right back. Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:07:28 Adam Hey, you're listening to the best of Love Lines that don't bother calling. This next guest was in here before this very successful movie, The Fast and the Furious.

1:07:38 Caller That's right.

1:07:39 Adam This is Vin Diesel.

1:07:40 Drew Right.

1:07:41 Adam D is 27 and on hold.

1:07:44 Drew We're trying to figure out what his career is.

1:07:47 Adam Oh, yeah. That's right. He does many things. He wears many hats.

1:07:51 Drew But not really.

1:07:52 Adam He wears many hats, all of them hard.

1:07:54 Caller More importantly, the pie tie was eaten a little too fast. Stomach is a little bit nuts. Dr. Drew?

1:08:04 Drew Eat slower next time.

1:08:06 Caller Vin, uh...

1:08:07 Adam Vin polished off a bucket of pate noodles, like when it... You know, like when your dog hops the fence and gets into something?

1:08:16 Drew Like three pounds of box of candy or something?

1:08:18 Adam Yeah, yeah.

1:08:18 Caller Like the creatures in Pitch Black, how they devour people.

1:08:21 Adam Very good. He ate a family-sized trough of pate to his head in about eight minutes.

1:08:28 Caller Hey, I offered you.

1:08:29 Adam I offered all of you. I should have. And now I bet you'll wish I did. D, hey, drive a forklift once in a while.

1:08:37 Caller Yeah.

1:08:38 Adam You work for the city.

1:08:39 Caller Yeah.

1:08:39 Adam You do a little maintenance then, right?

1:08:43 Caller A little more than that, but we'll leave it at that.

1:08:45 Adam Well, what do you do? You work on the parks, the roads? What do you do?

1:08:48 Caller I take care of the bridges.

1:08:49 Adam The bridges.

1:08:51 Caller Yeah, everything you guys drive across. All you people out there drive across these bridges.

1:08:57 Adam Hey, D, I don't want to burst your bubble, but I'm from the Valley. I don't know what a bridge is. There's no bridges in the Valley.

1:09:05 Caller No bridge and tunnel out here, huh?

1:09:06 Adam I once did a little coke with Jeff Bridges. That was it.

1:09:09 Caller Well, you get in the city or even you get out in the country, you have to cross the bridge sooner or later.

1:09:15 Adam That's right.

1:09:16 Caller Yeah, okay. All right.

1:09:17 Adam D, what do you do on those bridges?

1:09:19 Caller I paint them.

1:09:20 Adam Oh, you paint them?

1:09:21 Caller Yeah, I make sure that structural steels they use.

1:09:25 Adam That's right.

1:09:27 Caller Otherwise, the elements and the atmosphere will deteriorate them.

1:09:33 Adam Let me write that down.

1:09:34 Caller If it ain't for me, then makes it.

1:09:37 Adam Hey, D?

1:09:38 Caller Yeah.

1:09:38 Adam I don't want to burst your bubble, but if it wasn't for you, they'd hire some other drunk guy to do it.

1:09:42 Caller Well, that's true.

1:09:44 Adam That's true.

1:09:44 Caller There's plenty of us out there today.

1:09:46 Adam That's true.

1:09:47 Caller All right, D.

1:09:47 Adam So your woman, she doesn't-

1:09:50 Caller My woman is, I don't know, she seems like she's stuck back in the 80s or late 70s, early 80s, back when it was disco and all this and that. I don't know. Say if it is, how do you tell a woman that she needs to get up to date or to get with the program? And what about a few magazines?

1:10:18 Caller Watch TV with her?

1:10:20 Drew Make a game of it? Do yourself?

1:10:21 Adam D, I'm guessing you ain't using your Palm Pilot and your new electric car yourself. What do you wear?

1:10:29 Caller What designer clothing are you wearing?

1:10:31 Adam I'm picturing Dean a pair of Zeppelin jeans and some gas earth type shoes with maybe a Kennington velour shirt.

1:10:41 Caller You think?

1:10:42 Adam And a lot of beard. You got some beard on you?

1:10:44 Caller Yeah, I got a few beard.

1:10:45 Adam Yeah, I could smell that beard.

1:10:47 Caller Can you?

1:10:49 Adam You got beer in you or beard on you?

1:10:51 Caller I got them both, man.

1:10:53 Caller That's right.

1:10:55 Adam Three for three with this D. What do you care what kind of shape her crotch is in when you've got that big old Dan Haggerty beard down there? How do you know where you end and she begins?

1:11:04 Caller Well, because it's like this, man. It's like she tries to take care of me, but she really don't know how to go about it.

1:11:14 Adam All right. Well, D, you get yourself a new woman.

1:11:16 Caller Nah.

1:11:17 Adam I'm sure a guy like you have no trouble.

1:11:19 Caller She's a good woman. It's what it is. She's been in a relationship where it was like barefoot and pregnant. Yeah. That's the way you need to be.

1:11:28 Caller Well, take her shopping.

1:11:30 Drew That was with her dad.

1:11:31 Adam D?

1:11:32 Caller Yeah.

1:11:32 Adam Listen, you take her out. Yes, I agree with Vin. You take her out, you treat her like a queen. You get her a nice manicure, pedicure and a pubicure. And, you know, get her some nice clothes. You make a lot of money working for the city. You buy her some nice updated clothes and maybe even some shoes. Get her a new rope for a belt. Yeah.

1:11:53 Drew And then close your eyes. Think how old is he? How old does he sound?

1:11:55 Adam D is 27 years old.

1:11:57 Drew He's a son of 50.

1:11:59 Adam Sound like Ansel Adams I was picturing.

1:12:02 Drew That's right.

1:12:02 Caller Oh, my God.

1:12:04 Adam You know, seriously, I was picturing Uncle Jesse from The Dukes of Hazzard. But the guy's 27, everybody.

1:12:12 Caller Nicole?

1:12:13 Caller Yeah.

1:12:14 Adam You're 18?

1:12:14 Caller Yeah.

1:12:15 Caller What's up?

1:12:15 Adam See, the syndication's great.

1:12:17 Drew Yeah, he's an interesting character.

1:12:19 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:12:19 Drew Where did you find out where he was from?

1:12:21 Adam I don't know. Hold on. I got to find out.

1:12:25 Caller Hey.

1:12:25 Adam Where are you calling from, brother?

1:12:27 Caller This is D. Yeah, man. What did you do? Cut me off.

1:12:30 Drew D. Where are you calling from? D. Where are you calling from? D. Where are you calling from? Go ahead, D. Speak up.

1:12:37 Adam Cincinnati. There you go. I was just there last weekend, wasn't I?

1:12:41 Drew Spent a lot of time in that lovely airport.

1:12:43 Adam Beautiful country over there, at least the airport. John? Yeah. All right. Wait a minute. Well, no, I was supposed to talk to Nicole, wasn't I, Drew? Yes. All right. I screwed up. Nicole?

1:12:52 Caller Hi.

1:12:52 Adam All right. So you're 18.

1:12:53 Drew What's up?

1:12:54 Caller Hi.

1:12:55 Caller I have a question.

1:12:57 Drew Yes.

1:12:58 Caller Hello?

1:12:58 Drew Yeah.

1:12:59 Caller Okay. Am I on? Hi, guys.

1:13:01 Caller How are you?

1:13:04 Caller I was giving oral sex to some guy who I've known for a while. And I think, like, I'm not sure, but I have, like, bumps in my mouth now and I never had it before. And, like, I'm just thinking, like, I have, like, an STD. I don't know if I'm getting paranoid.

1:13:22 Drew Where are the bumps?

1:13:23 Caller They're, like, in, like, the side of my cheek, like, inside, like, my mouth.

1:13:27 Drew Do they hurt?

1:13:29 Caller Like, they hurt when I drink orange juice. Like, they're definitely visible. They do hurt, but...

1:13:34 Caller How many?

1:13:36 Caller Um, there's a few. I'd say there's at least five. Like, I made an appointment for the doctor for, like, a cut, it's in, like, three days. But I don't know, I'm just going crazy.

1:13:45 Drew It's symmetrical? It's symmetrical on both sides?

1:13:48 Caller No, they're not. They're only on the left side.

1:13:51 Drew I wouldn't worry about it.

1:13:52 Adam What side of your mouth is the penis side? I chew my penis on the left. You know what I mean? You kind of have a side, you know, for like smoke cigarette, smoke on this side of the mouth, or that side of the mouth. What's your penis side?

1:14:04 Caller I guess it would be the right, though. And it's on the other side.

1:14:07 Adam For Drew, it's his backside. It's a little different.

1:14:10 Drew It's good you're getting seen, but I think you should relax.

1:14:12 Caller You don't think it's anything?

1:14:13 Adam No, we've never really heard of this, have we?

1:14:17 Caller Like, you can catch an STD just from that, right?

1:14:19 Drew Yes, you can. Yes, you can. Oh, you can. Absolutely, you can. Of course you can. And they just said, the study just came out that showed you can get HIV that way, I think.

1:14:27 Adam Sleep like a baby tonight, okay, Nicole? No, listen, you don't have that. Did the guy have anything on his penis that you could taste or see?

1:14:35 Caller I couldn't see, because it was dark out there. There was one little candle in the room, you know, like, I really couldn't see anything.

1:14:41 Adam Oh, in the room? Because I usually tell the guy to turn the dome light on.

1:14:45 Caller No, I don't think so.

1:14:47 Caller Like, I couldn't see anything. I've known he slept with a lot of people. I've known him for a while, you know. I just assume he has a lot of sexual experience, but I just hope he doesn't have anything, you know?

1:14:58 Adam Yeah, I'm sure he doesn't.

1:15:00 Caller Okay.

1:15:00 Adam All right, you go to the doctor, get checked out. But, Drew, we never hear about... I mean, it's not like a herpes type thing. It doesn't sound like it.

1:15:08 Drew It doesn't sound like it, though.

1:15:09 Adam And it warts... It doesn't get the warts in the mouth. I'm trying to think what it is. John?

1:15:15 Drew Yeah.

1:15:15 Adam Okay, so you're 18, what's up?

1:15:17 Drew You can't get warts.

1:15:17 Caller Okay, I'll do warts.

1:15:18 Adam Inside your mouth?

1:15:19 Drew Yeah, you can.

1:15:19 Adam Really?

1:15:20 Caller Canker sores?

1:15:21 Drew Well, that's herpes, canker sores.

1:15:23 Adam John?

1:15:24 Caller Yeah.

1:15:24 Caller Go ahead, buddy.

1:15:26 Caller Okay, I smoked pot like three weeks ago, three to four weeks ago, actually. And I was wondering how long it would stay in your system.

1:15:34 Drew It depends. How many months before three or four weeks ago were you smoking it every day?

1:15:38 Adam Apparently, it stays in for a while.

1:15:40 Drew Yeah, we hear it.

1:15:42 Caller Well, I didn't...

1:15:43 Drew You're a daily user for several years, huh?

1:15:45 Caller No, not really. I just started about like a couple months ago, maybe.

1:15:50 Drew And using it every day?

1:15:51 Caller No.

1:15:52 Drew How often are you using it?

1:15:55 Caller Like once in a while, like every other week or something like that. Really?

1:15:59 Drew That's it? So are you sick now or something?

1:16:01 Caller Yeah, I'm just sick.

1:16:02 Drew You got a bad, bad cold?

1:16:04 Caller Yeah.

1:16:04 Drew It's interesting. Bad cold makes me feel like a stoner.

1:16:07 Adam Well, listen, everyone who calls this show is a stoner until otherwise proven.

1:16:15 Drew If you're giving me an accurate rendition of Reality here, and it is just every other week or so, and your last use was three weeks ago, it's gone.

1:16:23 Okay.

1:16:25 Adam You're applying for a job?

1:16:26 Drew Yeah. Don't do a lot of physical exertion or lose weight before you go in there, because that can sometimes liberate some from the fat cells.

1:16:33 Caller Oh, okay.

1:16:34 Adam Where are you applying, John?

1:16:36 Caller Walmart.

1:16:37 Adam Yeah. It's funny. I was going to say that because the last one we had was Walmart. Hey, the worse the job, the less pot you can smoke. It's very ironic. You know, you get a job as a CEO or an actor or producer or something, you don't do any, there's no testing. You know what I mean? It's just ironic. I guess that's how you keep the man down or something. It's just ironic that the crappier the job, the more stringent the testing is. Deborah.

1:17:08 Caller Hi. I wanted to ask about birth control for women, either the pill or Depo-Provera, which you think is better and-

1:17:18 Adam Wait, hold on a second, Deborah.

1:17:19 Caller He's gone.

1:17:20 Adam Okay.

1:17:21 Caller Perfect.

1:17:23 Adam Show's such a well-oiled machine.

1:17:24 Caller Sorry, Deborah.

1:17:25 Adam Go ahead. Depo? Yeah?

1:17:27 Caller What?

1:17:28 Caller Did I do something wrong? No, no.

1:17:29 Drew Something happened in the studio here. Don't worry.

1:17:31 Caller Oh. What are the side effects to Depo-Provera shots?

1:17:37 Drew A lot of bleeding between your periods and then losing your periods altogether and sometimes some weight gain and sometimes some mood disturbances and sometimes some hair.

1:17:46 Caller That doesn't sound good.

1:17:47 Drew But that's it. That's the only thing. That's not-

1:17:49 Caller That's all.

1:17:50 Caller Are there-

1:17:51 Drew Deborah?

1:17:52 Caller Yeah?

1:17:52 Drew Because those are potential side effects, it doesn't mean you're going to get them.

1:17:56 Caller Oh.

1:17:57 Caller Well, what-

1:17:58 Caller I'm also on antidepressants. Is it bad to mix the two because of the-

1:18:03 Drew The birth control pill can affect mood. Well, hormonal contraception can affect mood in either direction. In my experience, Deborah Povera has usually made it a little bit worse. Yeah. And the more routine kinds of pills, the packets, particularly the triphasic pills, are more, in my experience, a little more on the positive side.

1:18:23 Adam Why don't you just take the pill, Deborah?

1:18:26 Caller Um, I- I- I don't know.

1:18:31 Drew I-

1:18:31 Caller I already- I'm already taking two pills a day, and I think I just want to just have something that I didn't have to think about for three months.

1:18:37 Drew What's the pill?

1:18:38 Caller What?

1:18:38 Drew What pills are you taking?

1:18:40 Caller Um, Paxil and Synthroid.

1:18:42 Adam What's the second one, Drew?

1:18:44 Drew Thyroid medicine. Oh, I see. So, Synthroid can be taken the rest of your life.

1:18:46 Caller Yeah.

1:18:47 Drew So, why is it more difficult just to take two pills every day?

1:18:50 Adam To me, it's easier.

1:18:51 Drew Yeah, you're already taking something. Just take this with it.

1:18:52 Adam It's like a pill carpooling.

1:18:54 Caller Yeah.

1:18:56 Adam You're already popping something in your mouth at a certain time every day. Why don't you just pop a third thing in there?

1:19:00 Caller I think, because I, it's kind of just a mental thing, just like taking one more medication per day. It just bothers me a little bit. So.

1:19:08 Caller All right.

1:19:09 Drew Well, the thyroid is just replacing the hormone that your body wasn't making enough of, right? Or you're taking it for mood disturbance.

1:19:15 Caller No, no, no. I've been taking it since I was 10 years old for hypothyroid.

1:19:20 Caller All right.

1:19:20 Adam Now get that depot shot.

1:19:23 Caller And also, is there anything to increase sensitivity?

1:19:26 Caller To what?

1:19:28 Caller For orgasms or for sex?

1:19:31 Adam You gotta fall in love.

1:19:32 Caller Okay. All right.

1:19:35 Adam All right there, Debra.

1:19:36 Drew The triphasic pill might increase it sometimes.

1:19:38 Adam We're having difficulty rhythmically with our callers.

1:19:43 Drew And by the way, Debra is the kind of person who also takes 14 vitamins. They think so? No problem taking those pills.

1:19:48 Adam Yeah. It's really like playing handball against the curtains tonight. It's just having, you know, answers kind of coming a beat late. You know, like when you talk to people and you ask them a question, and there's too long a pause, so you start to talk again as they begin to talk. We got a lot of that with our callers.

1:20:05 Caller Have we gotten really good calls yet?

1:20:07 Adam No.

1:20:08 Caller No. We're waiting for some good calls.

1:20:10 Adam We're getting strange calls and in weird rhythms.

1:20:13 Caller And uncommitted calls.

1:20:14 Adam That's right. But that's all going to change with young Matt who's 14 years old. Matt?

1:20:18 Caller Yeah?

1:20:19 Adam What's up, buckaroo?

1:20:20 Caller Yeah, I got a question.

1:20:22 Caller Okay, first of all, Adam, I want to say, man show rules, man.

1:20:24 Adam Thank you.

1:20:25 Caller Coolest show ever. And Dr. Drew, you're hella smart.

1:20:28 Caller That's good, Drew.

1:20:29 Drew Okay.

1:20:30 Caller Okay, me and my friend got a question here. Both of us are not circumcised, and we were just wondering, like, how it's going to affect us, like, later when we're having sex, and, like, pimping our hose?

1:20:41 Drew Pimping your hose?

1:20:42 Caller Yeah.

1:20:43 Drew Is this, is this?

1:20:44 Adam Is that the same as crimping your hose?

1:20:46 Caller No, no, no.

1:20:46 Drew Is this Tim?

1:20:47 Adam I see.

1:20:48 Caller What does pimping your hose mean?

1:20:49 Caller You know, like, I got to go pimp my hose.

1:20:51 Adam Yeah. When he's, later, he's 14 now, when he's 27 and he's getting laid. No, no, like, nearly.

1:20:56 Drew You know what's bizarre? I've heard Adam tell the team story many, many times, but I really feel like I'm living it at this moment.

1:21:02 Adam Yeah, but he doesn't have an accent, this man.

1:21:04 Drew But still, hearing a 14-year-old say something like that, I'll say it for you, Adam.

1:21:08 Adam All right. Don't cuss.

1:21:10 Caller Okay.

1:21:11 Adam Go ahead.

1:21:11 Caller Say, what do you want me to talk like?

1:21:12 Adam Say, say, pimp in the hose in Russian.

1:21:20 Caller Yeah.

1:21:23 Adam It is German, right?

1:21:25 Caller Yeah.

1:21:25 Adam Are you guys German?

1:21:26 Caller No.

1:21:27 Adam Do you take German class?

1:21:29 Caller Uh, kind of.

1:21:30 Drew He's just cussing in German for you.

1:21:32 Caller Oh, okay.

1:21:32 Caller What are you talking about?

1:21:33 Caller All right.

1:21:34 Adam You just watch a lot of Hogan's Heroes? Hey, hey, man. Yeah? Just keep it clean and the hose will appreciate it. Don't worry about it. Yeah.

1:21:42 Caller All right. I'll pimp him a lot. I have another question.

1:21:44 Caller Yeah. What, what, like, I've heard, like, color-shade, like, rips and stuff.

1:21:48 Drew Yeah, that can happen. Uh, and that's really the only downside to that. It can rip and have difficulty sort of coming out. The tetherpane is getting out. It can narrow and become uncomfortable. But just take care of it. Be careful.

1:21:59 Adam That's right. Just keep it clean and go ahead and pimp them hoes. James?

1:22:05 Drew Oh, my kid's going to be 14 so soon.

1:22:07 Adam Oh, and they're going to be talking about pimpin hoes at 9 and 10.

1:22:10 Drew Don't worry. No, no, no.

1:22:12 Adam Your sons will have probably pimp their first hoe by their 11th birthday.

1:22:15 Caller Mental note.

1:22:17 Adam Don't let them outdoors.

1:22:18 Drew I just build it, yeah, build it, build up a dungeon.

1:22:20 Adam And smash TVs and radios. We'll be back with Joey after this. He has a semen, is like cottage cheese. Small curd or large curd? We'll figure out after this.

1:22:34 Caller Once again with the Love Line. Love Line, the Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew will be right back before you know it.

1:22:45 Adam It's the Love Line. I'm Adam. That's Drew. Vin Diesel is our guest tonight. He is from Pitch Black. He plays a convict who can see in the dark because he was kept in a cave while in the basement.

1:22:57 Drew Maybe an operation on him.

1:22:59 Caller Yeah, huge operation.

1:23:00 Drew This is surgically enhanced. You see on the web.

1:23:02 Adam This is the future. What planet is this? Is it?

1:23:05 Drew Don't know.

1:23:06 Caller It's some stranded miscellaneous planet.

1:23:08 Adam And they make like a penal colony out of it?

1:23:13 Caller There was probably a colony that existed before they crashed land on the planet.

1:23:18 Adam What year is it?

1:23:21 Caller As David Tewy would say, not so far off into the distant future.

1:23:26 Adam That's good. I like when they don't commit. Smart. Because all those things like I remember... Yeah, it was like Battlestar Galactica, 1987. People are transporting through time and space in these pod shuttles and stuff. Just a bad idea.

1:23:52 Caller Keep it loose. 2001, good one.

1:23:55 Adam Well, you know what it was, is there was something magical about the year 2000. The difference between 1979 and 1980 was just a year, but the difference between 1999 and 2000, that was a thousand years.

1:24:09 Drew It's the future.

1:24:10 Adam So as long as you got past 2000, even if it was 85, it was like 1985, nothing's really changed in 10, 15, 20 years. You go, 2002, we'll colonize Mars. And I think they just sort of dropped all that. It's smart. Because now that we're in 2000, you can't say 2015, 2025. It doesn't have the same effect.

1:24:32 Drew It doesn't make any sense. It's also, things change so fast in science from 1945 to 1965. I mean, the world just changed. And in the 70s, they tried to figure out what the hell to do with it and screwed up.

1:24:43 Caller Right.

1:24:43 Drew And now, nothing's changed in 20 years.

1:24:45 Caller They're the same, man, except computers and the web.

1:24:50 Adam Joey?

1:24:51 Yeah.

1:24:51 Adam You're 18?

1:24:52 Caller Yeah.

1:24:53 Adam You have a cottage cheese-like problem in the semen?

1:24:57 Caller Yeah.

1:24:58 Drew Is it cottage cheese or like tapioca?

1:25:01 Caller It's...

1:25:02 Caller yeah.

1:25:05 Caller It's almost the same.

1:25:06 Adam That's David Allen Grier vomiting on the show a couple of nights ago, by the way. I'm sorry. Go ahead.

1:25:11 Caller It's more like cottage cheese type, not as thick, but...

1:25:15 Drew All right. So, it's normal.

1:25:17 Caller It's normal?

1:25:17 Drew Yeah.

1:25:18 Adam You're fine.

1:25:19 Caller Because I know that I have engaged in a risk, you know, I feel myself, I risked...

1:25:25 Drew Well, get that checked out. But yeah, get that checked out. But I don't think the cottage cheese is a symptom of that, of any problem.

1:25:32 Adam No, there's no pain or anything. It's just the viscosity. Andy?

1:25:37 Drew Andy.

1:25:37 Caller Yes.

1:25:38 Adam You're 17. Turn down whatever's up.

1:25:41 Caller I had to leave the room.

1:25:42 Adam Okay. What's going on there, Andy?

1:25:44 Caller Yeah. Every time I have sex with my girlfriend, she cries because of my big.

1:25:50 Caller Oh, all right.

1:25:51 Caller I use lubrication.

1:25:52 Caller They were thinking that this don't work.

1:25:53 Adam Yeah. You got to go faster.

1:25:55 Drew Are you sure that's why she's crying or maybe just the whole experience is overwhelming to her?

1:25:59 Caller Huh?

1:26:02 Caller Does it hurt her or is she emotionally attached?

1:26:06 Caller No. No, it's not that.

1:26:07 Caller She said it hurts real bad.

1:26:09 Adam It hurts.

1:26:10 Caller Yeah.

1:26:11 Adam Well, sometimes it hurts because they're not really wanting to do it or prepared to do it or ready to do it.

1:26:17 Drew They don't know what's bothering them.

1:26:19 Caller Is there enough foreplay going on?

1:26:21 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:26:22 Drew Why don't you stop before she actually cries?

1:26:25 Caller Because she starts crying in the middle of it, you know?

1:26:27 Caller Does she think that turns you on?

1:26:30 Drew No, this is not. This guy must have enough of a jerk maybe to create this kind of situation, but I don't think that's what the problem is.

1:26:35 Adam All right. All right, Andy, enjoy the hell that is your life and all that you bring into it.

1:26:41 Caller I am the big boy.

1:26:43 Adam Jesus Christ. What an a-hole. Daisy?

1:26:48 Caller Hi.

1:26:48 Adam You're 24. What's up?

1:26:50 Caller Oh, I've been on the pill for about seven years now, and I have a daughter. She's about seven years old. And I was wondering, Dr. Drew, if I'm going to have problems with having kids later on.

1:27:04 Drew No.

1:27:05 Caller No? Is there like a time limit? Do I need to get off the pill and then get back on or?

1:27:09 Drew No.

1:27:10 Caller No?

1:27:10 Drew Just continue on the pill until you want to have a child. It takes about, pretty much everyone becomes, it restores fertility within six months.

1:27:18 Caller Okay. So I'm not going to have to go on fertility pills or anything.

1:27:22 Drew No. If that were the case, don't you think most of this country would be in trouble?

1:27:26 Caller Well, definitely.

1:27:27 Drew Yeah. So no, no, no.

1:27:28 Caller Okay. That was all I was worried about.

1:27:30 Drew Okay.

1:27:31 Caller But thank you very much.

1:27:32 Adam All right, Daisy.

1:27:33 Drew We got to get this male contraceptive going here.

1:27:35 Adam We do?

1:27:37 Drew I was reading an article, really they've discovered an aphetepine really paralyzes sperm. That's a harmless drug. They got to get that out.

1:27:44 Adam What did they create it for originally?

1:27:46 Drew Blood pressure medicine, basically.

1:27:50 Adam All right.

1:27:50 Caller Ready to go?

1:27:52 Adam You couldn't drag your answer out a little longer than that, so I could swallow the thing I tried to take a sip of.

1:27:56 Drew I didn't know what I just I did until you swallowed and then I wanted to.

1:27:58 Adam Blood pressure medication. Cleveland?

1:28:01 Caller Yo.

1:28:02 Adam You're 17.

1:28:03 Caller What up everybody?

1:28:04 Drew What up?

1:28:04 Caller Drew, you're a superhero in my eyes.

1:28:07 Drew Thank you, Cleveland.

1:28:08 Caller And Adam?

1:28:10 Adam Yeah.

1:28:11 Caller I don't know. No, wait.

1:28:13 Drew Cleveland, what's the question? Cleveland, what's the question?

1:28:15 Caller Yeah, I started taking Prozac about a year ago, then I went off it for a while because I was feeling a lot better. But, let's see, about two, three months ago, I started taking it again. And actually the first time I was taking Prozac, it killed my sex drive. And I really liked that.

1:28:34 Drew That's usually what it does.

1:28:35 Caller What's that?

1:28:36 Drew That's usually what it does.

1:28:37 Caller Yeah. But now it's actually like increased from when I was off.

1:28:42 Drew Are you on anything besides Prozac? No. Do they think you might have manic depression?

1:28:47 Caller No, it's just genetic depression.

1:28:51 Drew The reason I ask is sometimes the antidepressant will induce a manic phase in people who are prone to manias.

1:28:56 Caller Yeah.

1:28:56 Drew And then the sexuality becomes more intense and you sound a little manic.

1:29:00 Caller Oh, yeah. I'm nervous because I'm talking to America here.

1:29:05 Adam Yeah, but they're stoned and they're asleep and they're not that interested, so don't worry about it, Cleveland.

1:29:12 Caller All right. All right. I was just wondering if there's an antidepressant that I could take to really lower like my sex drive, because I'm like giving myself the secret handshake like three times a day, and I want to definitely, I just want to cut down like.

1:29:28 Drew Ms. Cleveland, this is very suspicious for manic depression. You got to talk to the doctor that's been prescribing. There are medicines that you can add to it to sort of bridle this in a little bit.

1:29:35 Adam Yeah, three times a day at 17 is a little light, but that's not bad. Yeah, I like to see him up around five, six, but three is acceptable, especially if he doubles down on the weekends. So I don't think it's a big problem. Rolanda, year 17, what's up?

1:29:53 Caller Well, I was seeing my ex-boyfriend for like two months, and we weren't really messing around at all, and then we quit seeing each other, and I quit talking to him, and then like six weeks later, we saw each other again, and we ended up having sex.

1:30:06 Adam Drew, you can't stop making noise over there.

1:30:08 Caller Wow.

1:30:09 Drew Even I'm amazed.

1:30:10 Adam He either punches his mic or knocks his cup over, or he knocks the bottle over, and he rattles around the altoids can. All right. I swear to God, you know what I'm going to do, Drew? You know when... Well, now his mic's up.

1:30:22 Drew It's on me.

1:30:23 Adam No, here's what I'm going to do.

1:30:24 Caller He pulls the mic cord out. God, this is going crazy.

1:30:27 Adam You know in crampy apartment buildings, they take that shag carpet, and they wrap it around the pole so you don't scrape your carpet. I'm just going to carpet that whole section. I'm going to put carpet down there, put carpet on the mic, carpet the coffee cup, carpet your hands. We'll be fine, a little insulation there. All right, so what, you slept with your ex-boyfriend, and after you broke up and now he's ignoring you?

1:30:51 Drew Yeah.

1:30:52 Caller Well, why did you break up?

1:30:54 Caller Well, we were just kind of seeing each other, and then we just quit talking for a while. We just quit, like completely quit talking, and then I ended up seeing him again, and we ended up having sex, and now I talk to him like every three days.

1:31:06 Adam All right, so let me explain why they broke up. They were seeing each other, and then I stopped talking. I see. I see. You know what I love about our callers? They're so concrete in their thinking. When you say like, why, or like you'll go, why did you get fired?

1:31:25 Drew My boss fired me.

1:31:26 Adam My boss fired me.

1:31:28 Caller To be like, it'd be like, Oh, God, they lack deductive reasoning.

1:31:34 Drew No, it's concrete thinking.

1:31:36 Adam It's so concrete.

1:31:37 Drew It's a certain, it's a sign of certain kinds of psychological problems and a certain developmental phase.

1:31:42 Adam Yeah.

1:31:42 Caller Yeah, there's a lot to that.

1:31:44 Adam Yeah. You go, why'd you and your boyfriend break up? And they go, cause we broke up. Cause we stopped seeing each other.

1:31:51 Drew In fact, in mental status examinations.

1:31:52 Adam They don't know what you're asking. It's frustrating.

1:31:54 Drew When doctors do, when doctors do mental status examinations, one of the things they do is do proverbs. They'll say, tell me what this proverb means. You can leave, people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. The people will go, well, if you live in a house of glass, you shouldn't throw things. They'll break.

1:32:10 Adam Right, yeah.

1:32:11 Drew And they do it all the time.

1:32:12 Adam Well, to be fair to them, I think they say greenhouse.

1:32:15 Drew Yeah.

1:32:16 Caller That's funny.

1:32:17 Adam Rolanda.

1:32:18 Caller Yeah.

1:32:18 Adam So you guys broke up because you guys stopped talking, right?

1:32:21 Caller Well, we didn't really break up. We just kind of quit talking.

1:32:24 Adam I see. Okay. And you're very much in love. You just, you know, just stopped talking.

1:32:29 Caller Yeah. I see.

1:32:30 Adam Okay.

1:32:31 Caller And he needed some ass.

1:32:32 Adam It happens every day. People are very much in love and they're planning a wedding, but all of a sudden their mouth stops working and, well, the relationship ends.

1:32:42 Caller So you broke up and then he just wanted to have a little action and called upon you.

1:32:46 Caller Well, he talks to me every like couple of days now because it's no one's action, but we're not going out or anything.

1:32:52 Caller And what would you like?

1:32:54 Caller To go out with him.

1:32:55 Drew Yeah, he just has a service agreement here.

1:32:58 Adam Yeah. How old is he?

1:32:59 Caller Um, 19.

1:33:01 Adam 19 or 20.

1:33:02 Caller Are you calling him?

1:33:04 Caller What?

1:33:05 Caller Are you calling him more than he's calling you?

1:33:07 Caller Um, well, I'll page him, like.

1:33:09 Adam Oh, boy.

1:33:10 Drew And then he calls me. Therefore, he's calling me more.

1:33:12 Adam Because this guy's an idiot and he's a player and he's got a pager and he's 19. He's going to get you pregnant.

1:33:18 Drew When was the last time you had sex with him?

1:33:20 Caller Like six weeks ago.

1:33:21 Caller I've only had sex with him once.

1:33:24 Caller Okay, you're going to get pregnant.

1:33:26 Adam You understand?

1:33:27 Caller Yes.

1:33:28 Adam Okay.

1:33:28 Caller I got that.

1:33:29 Adam Okay, listen. I just read a study in JAMA where guys with pagers under the age of 25 had a 65% higher incidence of getting women pregnant. It's true. I don't trust guys with pagers who don't need them. What the hell is this? I'm paging everybody.

1:33:46 Caller How could you dispute that fact? You can't argue with it. That is like...

1:33:51 Adam I swear to God, I've never read that anywhere, but think about it.

1:33:54 Caller I'm going to go with it.

1:33:56 Adam Go with it. I'm right. All right. Vin Diesel's our guest tonight. We'll take a little break.

1:34:02 Caller Let's have some more fun.

1:34:04 Caller Okay.

1:34:13 Adam Well, that about does it for the best of Loveline.

1:34:16 Caller It's on tomorrow night.

1:34:17 Adam I'll tell you what's on tomorrow night, Drew. None other than Carrot Top.

1:34:21 Drew Oh, your favorite.

1:34:22 Adam Destiny's Child. They are my favorite. Sean Patrick Thomas and Jamie Presley will be in here. So until next time.

1:34:31 Drew The one, the other one you insulted.

1:34:32 Adam Well, I just called her nuts, but I think we buried the hatchet.

1:34:35 Drew You did.

1:34:35 Adam You were right. Well, you'll listen tomorrow night and find out. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:42 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, July 17, 2001