Episode 1000754886795

1:13 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, it's Dr. Drew over there, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board-certified internist and addiction medicine specialist, everybody. Drew is consumed with smallpox and anthrax and all the other various...

1:32 Drew Good things like that, yes.

1:34 Adam Look on the bright side, Drew, you'll probably only get one of them.

1:38 Drew Yeah, that's nice.

1:39 Adam Drew is squirreling away canned food and water.

1:44 Drew It's getting a little freaky. My colleagues are coming up to me and asking questions about, you know, what do you do when people ask you this? How are you doing? Dealing with that? And then they tell me what they're doing at home in terms of their stockpiling.

1:54 Adam Yeah.

1:55 Drew These are physicians.

1:56 Adam Yeah, Drew, you'll be like Charlton Heston in Omega Man. It will be your job to repopulate the planet after the Armageddon. And it's a good thing you're a passionate, passionate man because you'll get around to all the survivors, regardless of race, creed or weight. Although there will be an order.

2:16 Drew And where was I?

2:18 Adam Yeah, colleagues.

2:20 Drew Colleagues getting freaked out. And, you know, in every cough I see, I have to think about the most bizarre illnesses.

2:27 Adam Yeah.

2:28 Drew That's a bizarre experience to think about plague.

2:31 Adam Well, Drew, once again, once again, like Atlas, you've decided to put the world on your shoulders.

2:37 Drew That's usually my thing.

2:38 Adam That's your problem. You have taken responsibility for this whole thing. Not responsibility for it, but you feel now you're responsible to take care of all the woes.

2:48 Drew The ultimate retarded narcissism, isn't it?

2:51 Adam I was about to say that. How grandiose can you get? It's up to me to save the planet, everybody. Just relax. You'll go as the world goes.

3:01 Drew That's narcissism's retarded brother. You know what I mean? You can't even enjoy yourself.

3:05 Adam Narcissism meets neurosis. You got the worst of all worlds. All right. We're going to we don't have a guest tonight, so we're going to take ourselves some calls. Coming up, Angelica Bridges, Save Ferris, Lit, Ozzy Osbourne.

3:21 Drew Yeah, nice week.

3:22 Adam Yeah. That's coming up next week. I've never met the Oz man before.

3:27 Drew Really?

3:28 Adam No, have you?

3:29 Drew Yeah.

3:29 Adam You have?

3:30 Drew Oh, yeah.

3:30 Adam He's been on this show?

3:31 Drew He has been on this show.

3:32 Adam Years ago.

3:33 Drew I didn't realize it was that long ago, but you're saying so.

3:36 Adam Well, it's got to be at least six, seven years. How was he? Coherent?

3:42 Drew Depressed.

3:43 Adam Oh, really?

3:43 Drew Profoundly. And he was sort of, from that moment, was the poster child for not doing too many hallucinogens.

3:49 Adam Right.

3:51 Drew He talked about how all he wanted to do was be able to enjoy, it wasn't quite that pathetic, but he wanted to be able to enjoy fishing with his son. It was one thing he wanted to do and he'd go and he'd just flat, without medication, nothing.

4:05 Adam Really?

4:05 Drew He couldn't enjoy it anymore.

4:06 Adam I heard he had the pole in the water and was holding the bait and hook in his hand.

4:11 Drew Yeah, it might have hurt.

4:11 Adam He might have been confused. All right. So Ozzie coming up on days ahead. Kim?

4:20 Yes?

4:20 Adam Year 25?

4:22 Yes.

4:23 Adam What's up?

4:25 I couldn't help. I was listening to your show last night about the breast cancer that was a 23-year-old girl on your show and she had breast cancer in her family, her mother, aunts and stuff.

4:38 Adam Right.

4:39 And I was just curious. I'm 25, a rather large, actually overly large, breasted woman.

4:47 Adam Nice.

4:48 And I was told by a gynecologist at one point in time that I should get a breast reduction because my breasts are so dense, so big that I would never be able to detect a cancerous lump.

5:02 Adam Dense. I like that.

5:04 Drew Well, what about with their newer ultrasound techniques and mammograms, regardless of size and density, that should be able to pretty accurately screen you. Unless you had one of these genetic predispositions that really increased the probability of a breast cancer.

5:20 My grandmother on my father's side, my father's mother.

5:24 Drew No, no, no. Breast cancer is a common cancer. It's going to be in many family histories. That girl I was talking to last night, all the aunts, the mom, everybody, all the women had it and had it at young ages.

5:34 Adam Let's get back to the density part of your breast. I've never heard the breast described as dense. Would you say your breasts are thicker, I mean, more packed than most?

5:47 They're lumpy. It's not exactly, and they are rather firm for a large breasted woman.

5:54 Adam Yeah, we're talking. What cup size are you?

5:59 I got myself into a 42 Triple D.

6:02 Bouncy, bouncy.

6:03 Yeah. They're actually, the bra is actually not big enough for me.

6:08 Adam Nice.

6:09 I got them all squished up and put them together because if I get anything any looser, if I try to do anything physical, they fall out. They're, if I could get a reduction, I would.

6:27 Adam Okay, Drew, let's, should we break or we're going to take some more calls? Hey, Kim, how big is the rest of you? Just so I can come down a little bit.

6:39 What was that?

6:40 Adam How big is the rest of you?

6:43 I'm a little bit on the heavy side.

6:45 Adam All right. That's all right. That's all right. Say no more, my dear. Don't utter another word. I'm finished. That's fine. All right, baby. So what do you want? A breast reduction.

6:56 Drew Yeah, I would not go down that path for cancer screening purposes.

7:00 Adam But you know, if you want to lose some bust size, you lose a little weight and you might lose some bust size too.

7:05 Oh, we're working on it.

7:07 Adam All right.

7:07 Drew Kim, I think with-

7:08 It's easier said than done.

7:10 Adam I know. I know. Take care of yourself.

7:13 We're going to try.

7:15 Adam All right. You still get a lot of dudes because of those big cans, right?

7:18 Oh, God. The guys love them.

7:20 Adam Yeah.

7:21 They all tell me, oh, don't do anything. They're beautiful.

7:24 Nice rack.

7:25 Adam You know, I don't know how this is going to sound, but guys will go even the curious, you know what I mean? Will go even with the big ass, will go with the big boobs just to grab hold of those things. I think it's the way of God sort of evening things out.

7:42 Drew Again, not all guys.

7:44 Adam No, not all guys.

7:45 Drew But those that are in are in.

7:48 Adam Right, right. And I always tell that to, guys always say that to me. Why do guys always have that sort of bizarre, perverse rationale or thinking? When I tell them I'm a boob guy, they'll go, you mean even if the chick's ass is like four feet wide and it's all covered with hair, it's got divots in it, you still? And I go, no, you idiot. I like boobs, but there's a cutoff someplace. Jean?

8:20 Hey.

8:20 Adam Hey, you're 20, what's up?

8:22 Caller Okay, nothing really, but how are you guys doing tonight?

8:25 Drew Good.

8:27 Caller All right, every time, like this has become a recent problem, I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years, and I guess he's my fiance, if you want to get technical.

8:35 Drew I'm going out to Atlanta to talk at the Roslyn Carter Center.

8:39 Adam Jean's calling from Atlanta, by the way. Yes, thank you, Drew.

8:42 Caller Recently, we start, well, every time we have sex, he like breaks out in a rash.

8:47 Drew On his penis. Penis.

8:49 Adam Is it a rash or is it just chafing?

8:51 Caller In his skin, he like dries all out and then peels. It's all like deep red and nasty.

8:57 Drew Yeah, that's not rash, that's just sort of you, actually, the stuff that dries and peels off.

9:01 Adam Ooh, yeah. Do you have any yeast or anything?

9:07 Caller No.

9:08 Drew No, the redness made, how long do you guys have sex before you stop?

9:12 Caller Well, maybe, well like the last time was like maybe 30 minutes.

9:16 Drew Yeah, maybe it's just a little irritation from all that and then the...

9:19 Caller It happens every time now, like it didn't do this at first, but like the past month, every single time it's like this and it hurt me too, but not like it hurt him.

9:29 Adam Are you sure she's not passing some yeast onto the Peckeroo, as I like to say?

9:35 Drew Well, the rash vanishes from the Peckeroo by morning, right?

9:39 Caller No, it's like a couple of days it's there.

9:41 Drew Oh, it is.

9:41 Caller And then it gets away.

9:42 Adam See, I had a little yeasty on the Peckeroo. Right. I mean...

9:46 Drew Jeez, but what goes away in two days is just irritation, right?

9:50 Adam Maybe it dries out. Does his penis get flaky after that?

9:53 Caller Yeah, it's nasty. It's like the next day it's like that, but then if we do that in the morning, the rest of the day it's all red.

10:01 Drew It could be.

10:01 Adam It could be.

10:02 Caller Like a cherry tomato.

10:03 Adam Maybe you should get yourself.

10:04 Caller Oh, really red.

10:05 Adam Yeah, it's red.

10:06 Drew Okay.

10:07 Adam Why don't you get yourself checked out?

10:08 Drew Yeah, this needs to be checked out. And you have some soreness too?

10:12 Caller Yeah, but not... Well, he's large and that's why I always hurt, but I just went and I'm fine.

10:17 Adam Yeah, that's just friction.

10:18 Drew Yeah, it's just irritation. It really is.

10:20 Caller All right.

10:20 Adam Well, why don't you try using lubricant?

10:26 Caller We did, but I broke... I'm allergic to it, the kind that we had.

10:31 Drew Oh, you're wearing condoms all the time?

10:33 Caller No, we can't because I'm allergic to latex.

10:35 Drew Well, why don't you use polyurethane or animal skin?

10:38 Caller All right. Well, I've been on a pill for so long and...

10:42 Adam What kind of lube would you use? Like pig fat or something?

10:46 Drew Presco?

10:47 Adam Yeah, you got to try something else.

10:49 Caller Yeah, okay.

10:50 Adam Do you use like one of those water-soluble lubes?

10:53 Caller Yeah, it was water-soluble. It was...

10:55 Drew And if he's wearing a condom, maybe he's allergic to latex.

10:58 Caller I know. I think he is too.

10:59 Drew That sure could be. Absolutely.

11:01 Caller We don't use them for the me though, mainly. And then actually, I have one other question for you.

11:05 Drew Yeah?

11:05 Caller With all the new ADD meds on the market, is there anyone in particular you recommend above the other ones? Because they just stuck me on Adderall. I don't actually... I have ADHD and I can't...

11:16 Drew Adderall is a good medicine. We use properly Adderall. There's long-acting Ritalin now. I have no quarrels about Adderall used properly. So that's fine if it works. All right.

11:26 Adam Let's talk to young Doug who's 29.

11:28 Caller Hey guys, how are you doing tonight?

11:29 Adam Hey Doug, what's going on there?

11:31 Caller Well, I'm giving you a call. It's now 1:15 a.m. from West Palm Beach, Florida. And I hate it.

11:37 Caller Here's the situation.

11:38 Caller I moved down here last December after a month-long hospitalization in New York for severe depression. I've been diagnosed as bipolar manic depressive for red syndrome, basically a high-end 57 of any psychosomatic disorder you could have.

11:53 Drew You're on the high side of things right now.

11:55 Caller Oh, well right now I'm bouncing off the wall and about 1.30 in the afternoon tomorrow I'll be down.

12:02 Drew So you're fairly rapid, rapid cycling.

12:05 Caller Oh yeah, Dr. Drew, I am a very rapid cycling person. I could be up for maybe three days and then I crash. The problem is I take a lot of medication and because of that last year I was at 195 pounds with a 30 inch waist and I was in the best shape of my life. Now 225 pounds with a 44 inch waist and I have like no confidence. When I live, where I live, I'm an hour and a half out of South Beach which I will never go to because I'm terrified of it. Not that one day I won't have money or one day I won't be able to live or something. It's just that the way I look right now and the way I feel about myself, I don't feel that I can compete with these guys that, put it this way, I was walking down the street down.

12:50 Drew You're fat.

12:51 Adam Drew, please go ahead.

12:53 Caller I'm sorry I'm being so-

12:54 Adam That's right. You're walking down the street and some guy who's all shaved and bronze.

12:58 Caller He was in front of his car. It's a Corvette. It's got the lights going and the stereo going and all these women are walking up, can I sit in it? I'm walking down the street and I'm like, gee, let me go get on my 10 speed and impress them.

13:11 Drew Right.

13:11 Adam Listen, hold on a second.

13:13 Drew This is my penis is too small.

13:14 Adam Yeah. Hey, Doug.

13:15 Caller Yes, my friend.

13:16 Adam You want to know what women really hate? They hate as sort of desperation mixed in with anger, which is what you got right now.

13:24 Well, hold on.

13:25 Caller Hold on. I can tell you something. I have no problem with going to a nightclub and, you know, just sitting and hanging out and being a friendly outgoing, you know, nice guy. I really am. The problem is, it's just that I lack confidence now.

13:41 Adam Right. Here's what women are looking for. I'm going to put Doug on hold because he's got a full boost of high octane jet fuel in him, and it's going to be hard to talk. But, Drew, stop me if I'm wrong here. Women don't see... Okay, here's what I want to say to all you screwballs out there. You're constantly trying to mold yourself into a type that you think a woman would be attracted to. Women are attracted to all types, but the through line for the type is comfortable in their skin. They love a guy who's confident enough to be comfortable. And I don't mean a braggart, and I don't mean a guy who's necessarily driving a Corvette. But there's nothing that a woman likes more than a guy who's kind of quiet, not pushing too hard, and kind of present.

14:25 Drew And remember that experience we had in Rosantia? I brought this up the other day, where they couldn't separate out what a guy does and that sort of quality of being confident from how he looked. They couldn't do it.

14:37 Adam Yeah, what, Drew, yes.

14:38 Drew You want to tell, is it worth telling the story?

14:39 Adam No, I don't know. I'm trying to take a sip of coffee for the first time in 15 minutes. You need a response from me after I did the mm-hmm?

14:48 Drew All right, let me get back to Doug then. I'll tell the story later. But the fact is, and Doug is bipolar, Doug is on medication. Doug knows he can have a 30 inch weight. Doug knows how to get in shape. Doug can do it. He is handicapped by the medication. But the fact is, he needs to start moving down the path towards health. He needs to get on the diet, start exercising again.

15:06 Adam All right.

15:07 Drew Go ahead and do what he can do. He's lucky enough that he can do that. Some people could never do that.

15:12 Adam So, Doug, don't just relax. Okay. Don't pick an angle with the ladies. And don't judge yourself just yet. Just stop judging. See, that's what you're doing. You're judging and you're beating yourself up. You're saying, I can't compete with this guy. I can't compete with that guy. Here's what you need to do. Compete with yourself. Okay. Be as good as you can be. Be as smart as you can be. Be as present as you can be. If it means dropping a few pounds and getting on an exercise regimen, do that.

15:45 Drew But let me tell a story now about the Roseanne thing.

15:48 Adam I'm going to take a crap.

15:49 Drew No, take the coffee. We were on this daytime talk show and we were trying to, Adam was describing his theory about the numbers, that people have a ranking and people should match up with their ranks. He was using himself and me as an example and he says, well, Drew and I, we're like four or five. Isn't that what you said? Four or five, something like that.

16:06 Adam I can't have given us a higher number than that.

16:08 Drew I think so. Maybe he said six. They went, and Roseanne goes, no, no, you're eight, nine. He went, no, no, you understand. Look, we are five, six. That's what we are. Maybe in our, sort of, what we call that career, what's that category you have, position in life. Position in life, maybe in eight, nine, but look, we're like a six. No, you're not. They wouldn't even accept the point we were trying to make because they couldn't separate out position from appearance.

16:34 Adam Right, but what's your point? Oh yes, they couldn't separate the categories. That's right, because women look at you as a TV dinner that's been put through a paint shaker.

16:46 Drew That's right.

16:47 Adam There's not the peas, the apple strudel, and the fried chicken. It's just one big mess of calories.

16:53 Drew It's just stalled.

16:53 Adam And either they like it or they don't.

16:55 Drew Yeah.

16:55 Adam You are a fruit compote.

16:57 Drew Well, even though each, even though the apple turnover factors in.

17:00 Adam It all factors in, but guys who get caught up with trying to figure out, try to mold themselves into some kind of package that women are going to like, it does not work. You come across like a used car salesman. Doug needs to just work on Doug, not for women, for Doug, and women will then magically be attracted to him. Jay?

17:22 Yeah, that's me.

17:23 Adam You're 29. What's up?

17:24 Hey, I heard the president say something last week, Dr. Adam Corolla, that you would just love. I know there are certain phrases in the world that you think people should use more, and good old George Doug used one.

17:35 Adam Yeah, I think I heard him say it too, but go ahead.

17:38 Drew Is this Phil Henry?

17:38 He said that fighting the war on terrorism is going to cost us somewhere to the tune of 60 to 65 million dollars.

17:45 Adam Right, and it was a perfect use of the phrase to the tune of, which I'm scared, and I'm glad you brought this up, Jay. There's certain things that I think will just die. It's like, you know when you hear the American Indians constantly talking about if the next generation does not learn the ways and the customs, and the language of the Cherokee and the Comanche, it will die off.

18:08 Drew This is your calling. The comedy from the 70s needs to be resurrected.

18:12 Adam This isn't even comedy. This is just a good old, this will go the way of 22 Skadoo if we don't keep it alive. We've already lost quicksand as a means of slow death.

18:23 Drew But that was another sort of comedy technique that we need to resurrect.

18:25 Adam But it was in the Tarzan movies too, and the point is, is it's gone now. I don't think kids know what quicksand is today. The point is, is if you guys could work in to the tune of, and then put a dollar amount after it, it would really be great.

18:38 Drew I heard you talking last night as we came in here about needing to have more elephants around mice. Wasn't that?

18:44 Adam Yes. There are also things I think kids don't know growing up is that, we were taught growing up that elephants are deathly afraid of mice, and that if you let a mouse go in front of an elephant- Total stampede. That is the way to cause a stampede. You just take a mouse and you let them go at the circus.

19:04 Drew In fact, no, better yet, if elephants are stampeding towards you, just throw a mouse in front of them.

19:08 Adam Right. And they'll scatter. That's another thing I think kids today don't know. Natalie?

19:14 Hi.

19:15 Adam You're 22?

19:16 Caller Yes.

19:16 Adam What's up?

19:17 Caller I have a quick question for you guys. I don't want to take up all your time here, but I am 22 years old. I've been sexually active since about 16, and I have a problem. I cannot have an orgasm no matter what I do.

19:32 Drew By yourself?

19:34 Caller With a partner or with me or anything.

19:37 Drew Medication?

19:39 Caller Nope. I've tried just simple things. I've had different boyfriends try different things, and it feels good, but it just doesn't feel like insanely great to the point where it's just like, How? Oh, my gosh.

19:53 Drew Have you been in love?

19:55 Caller Have I been in love?

19:56 Caller Yes.

19:57 Drew And they have sex with that guy?

19:59 Caller Yes.

19:59 Caller That's actually my boyfriend right now that we've been dating for almost a year now, and hopefully soon we're going to try to think about maybe getting married, but we still have some things to talk about but that.

20:11 Drew What are those things?

20:12 Caller Pretty much just I want to be financially ready. He wants to be financially ready and things like that.

20:19 Adam All right. You've masturbated but to no avail.

20:23 Caller Yes.

20:24 Adam You ever use a vibrator?

20:27 Caller Once, just to try to see if it would work, and it started to feel pretty good, but it still just was not happening, and it was almost for like an hour I tried.

20:36 Drew You're on no medication?

20:38 Caller No.

20:40 Caller I don't know what's wrong with me.

20:41 Adam You tried for an hour?

20:43 Caller Well, here and there, yes.

20:45 Adam That thing must have been red hot.

20:46 Drew Here and there? You mean like a minute 60 times?

20:50 Adam Yeah. Minute on, minute off.

20:54 Caller No, not like that, but I definitely did try, and it just doesn't seem to happen. I don't know if maybe it's just I'm too self-conscious, and I'm just not able to relax.

21:06 Adam See, has your boyfriend gone down on you?

21:08 Caller Yes.

21:09 Adam Yeah, nothing, huh?

21:10 Caller I mean, it felt really good, but it just wasn't to the point where, oh my gosh, it was so good.

21:16 Adam Are you a religious person?

21:18 Caller Yes and no. I went to pretty much like a Christian school, but I'm not very heavy duty into religion, but I do believe in it.

21:27 Drew Do you have issues with being sexually active before you're married?

21:31 Caller No, nothing like that.

21:32 Drew Maybe he needs a little technical supervision. You know, the boyfriend?

21:37 Adam He can call one of our field raps and probably be able to assist him. How does he do? Well, you don't have anything really to compare him to, right?

21:48 Caller Yes and no. I've had other boyfriends that I've been with and that kind of thing, but it just still isn't the same.

21:55 Adam Yeah. All right. Well, look, hey, Natalie and Drew, you object if you hear any of these numbers you don't like, but 22 year old women, there's probably about 15, 20 percent of you have never had an orgasm and it's not going to come easily. It doesn't mean you're never going to have one. And it usually most women by their mid 20s, that number goes down to 10 percent. Wouldn't you say, Drew?

22:24 Drew Yeah.

22:25 Adam So there's good times ahead. So, you know, good times. So you got to look forward to it.

22:30 Drew Don't expect it during intercourse. That's probably not going to happen.

22:33 Adam No, not going to do it that way. Could you apply yourself with a little booze and just try to, you know, put some yanny on and relax and let them go down on you?

22:41 Caller Hey, I'll try it. I'm pretty much coming to the conclusion. I'll try anything.

22:46 Drew Well, try it, but don't work at it so much.

22:48 Adam Right. You have to try without trying.

22:50 Drew You have to be open without trying.

22:53 Adam Right. You have to somehow let it happen. I would think, wouldn't you think, Drew, with most women who can't have this, they get too far up in their head.

23:03 Drew Yeah.

23:05 Adam Then they start working too hard and it's weird. It's like if someone was trying to hypnotize you and you were thinking about doing it too hard, and it wouldn't work.

23:16 Drew That's right.

23:17 Adam All right. So she needs to relax. Nothing wrong with a little red wine, a little weed or something. She needs to screw herself up just a little bit. Okay. Good advice. We'll take a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Jason, his 27th girlfriend has a relationship with the vibrator and it's taken over after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, it's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Maybe a little lightning round tonight.

24:28 Caller Liar, liar whore, liar whore, you know it.

24:30 Adam Yeah, yeah, might have to pull that one out. All right, let's talk to Jason who's 27. Jason?

24:39 Caller Yeah.

24:40 Adam Your girlfriend's got a vibrator?

24:43 Caller Three or four of them.

24:44 Adam I see. And she uses them how often?

24:51 Caller Well, actually not very often at all. It's just the only problem is that when we've been together for almost three years now, and when we got together, you know, it's pretty much like most relationships of what I know. You guys have a lot of sex to start off with, you know, every day, a couple times a day, you know, whatever. You set aside a whole weekend just to go for it. And it used to be like that. And then at times it'll go more and then it'll go less. Well, lately it's died down a pretty decent amount. And, you know, she was molested by an older brother and things like that. And I understand, like, she'll have a problem with, like, you know, being touched and things like that.

25:35 Adam Yeah.

25:36 Caller And she's been through counseling for... She went, like, 12 years or something and then stopped and then recently went back and then stopped again.

25:44 Adam Well, hey, Jason, let me cut you off for a second. If you've listened... We weren't getting anywhere, but I did appreciate some of the information we got. And one of the things that we've talked about on this show all the time is people that were victims of the sexual molestation, they're streaky sexually. They have tons of sex and then they shut down.

26:05 Caller Right.

26:05 Adam You see what I'm saying? So you may be going through that cycle with the same person.

26:11 Caller Okay, well, what I'm wondering about is why... We'll go and we'll, like, for a week, we'll have sex four nights in a row and everything will be fine and she'll have an orgasm three times and then we won't have sex for two or three days and I'll be laying in bed, gonna fall asleep and she'll say something not really having to do with anything and she'll kind of move and I'll be laying there trying to fall asleep and all of a sudden I'll kind of hear meh and what the hell is that and then I look over and she just kind of like pushes me off or whatever and then I kind of have to ask her if I can you know basically participate or if she's gonna do that by herself and she tells me if you're gonna masturbate you go in the other room.

27:02 Adam So you're lying there trying to fall asleep and she pulls the vibrator out?

27:07 Caller Well not so, sometimes yes and sometimes no like I've been kissing on her or whatever and then she's kind of told me no or kind of gave me the no.

27:17 Adam All right listen Jason she she was victimized and because of that it's going to be hard to make heads or tails of her sexuality. I mean it's going to be erratic. There's going to be times of great passion and then there's going to be times of anger. You see that's what you're getting. It's exactly you know it's essentially what I was saying earlier.

27:43 Drew Yeah it's sounds sort of.

27:45 Adam But here's the number one thing. I think what you're going to get from some anybody who's effed up especially a woman and especially sexually. Tons of mixed messages.

27:58 Drew Chaos yeah.

27:59 Adam Just it's going to be.

28:00 Drew Disorganized.

28:01 Adam Yes if you ever watch the lottery when they draw the ping-pong balls out of there. That's the randomness of it.

28:09 Drew When the balls are spiraling around.

28:11 Adam Yeah they're just spiraling around and one shoots in. And sometimes for some reason they're all even numbers. But you can't put too much stock into it because the next time. Pow. There'll be something totally different. And that's what Jason is up against. And as guys and guys I think think a little more lineally than women do. We try to make sense of everything. We can't figure this out. Well we got it on all last week. It was great. She was lovey-dovey.

28:35 Drew We're trying to find a system. Well wait a minute. What's the system? What's the plan?

28:39 Adam I'm looking for a pattern. Yes. And the pattern is no pattern. Which I'm not sure is a pattern. But I think eventually, if you can have no pattern long enough, eventually falls into the pattern category. Right, Drew? Thank you.

28:50 Drew Chaos.

28:51 Adam Chaos. All right. So young Jason needs to just be compassionate. And she needs to continue doing her work. But he can't keep reading so much into this. She's a victim who's going to send mixed messages. Thank you. Brian?

29:07 Yeah.

29:07 Adam You're 29?

29:09 Caller Yeah.

29:09 Adam What's up?

29:11 Caller Well, I used to do a lot of drugs when I was in high school.

29:16 About five and a half years ago, had my first son.

29:22 Caller And about six months ago-

29:23 Adam All right. Hold on. Hold on. I think Brian's line is too bad. Damian, did the line sound that bad when you were talking to him? No? Maybe.

29:35 Drew Maybe he's getting, let's see if he can get into a better spot.

29:38 Adam Talk to Brian on line two and see if we can't straighten out his line. It's tough to listen to.

29:44 Drew We have a lot of emails here.

29:45 Adam Serenity? We do? You see anything you like?

29:48 Drew This is a really good one going from Kelly Riley.

29:50 Adam Hold on a second, Serenity. Now, Drew, don't bring it up, all right, as I punch up a call.

29:54 Drew Punch up, let's go.

29:55 Adam No, now you brought it up.

29:56 Drew That was just a litertitial to get you to the call. Let's go.

29:59 Adam The interstitial to get me to call was Serenity, and then you're saying we got a lot of good emails here.

30:05 Drew I'm not going to read any of them.

30:06 Adam Now read one, read one, please.

30:08 Drew Remember we were talking about mitochondrial DNA the other night?

30:11 Adam Sort of.

30:11 Drew That plasmid, apparently that comes from the female only.

30:14 Adam We were talking about identical twins, and if there was a way to separate them, if one of them had sex with the other one's wife, you'd be able to figure out whose kid it was.

30:26 Drew I guess you'd be able to tell if there's a different mother, if you get the mitochondrial DNA, but even then there might be some similarities.

30:32 Adam What do you mean if there's a different mother?

30:34 Drew In other words, that didn't work.

30:35 Adam No, I don't think that works.

30:36 Drew It was impossible.

30:38 Adam All right. Is this what you're saying? If you're identical twins, two brothers, and one or the other has sex with one or the other's wife, and you're trying to figure out whose kid the baby is.

30:53 Drew Can't do it.

30:54 Adam You cannot do it.

30:55 Drew Cannot do it.

30:55 Adam But if it was identical females, you could figure it out somehow. You still can't do it.

31:02 Drew You still can't do it. All right.

31:03 Adam Whatever. Riveting, Drew.

31:05 Drew I just like the emails here.

31:06 Adam That's it?

31:07 Drew Well, lots of them. This guy whose dad's watching porn of women eating poo. He wants something wrong with that. What do you think, Adam?

31:14 Adam What kind of poo? I mean, is it solid?

31:16 Drew Solid, yes.

31:18 Adam Yeah, no, that's not right.

31:20 Drew If just plain devil's advocate, if it was loose bowel.

31:22 Adam If it was loose bowel and the chick was doing it and had a sense of humor about it, like with a crazy straw or something.

31:30 Unacceptable.

31:31 Adam Yeah, that's probably bad.

31:34 Drew Another woman found a, husband found a condom. He had a condom in his bed stand. He said he masturbated into the condom.

31:41 Adam Oh, yeah.

31:41 Drew No, she believed it.

31:43 Adam I love it when guys pull that crap. Guys are great because here's what guys do. They're boffing some secretary or their neighbor or their wife's sister and they use the condom, which is smart, but in the heat of, see, nobody takes the time to properly dispose of a condom because you're covered with sweat, you're glistening, you're glowing. You just want to get rid of it and you say, I'll get rid of it. You know, I'll take care of it in a minute, but you don't because you've had a few beers and then your wife pulls up in the driveway and you're all freaked out and she finds a soiled condom. Listen, ladies, do not believe that.

32:20 Drew Even an un-soiled condom, if you aren't using them with your husband, any kind of condom, any kind of paraphernalia.

32:26 Adam You mean if you find it in the package?

32:28 Drew Yeah.

32:29 Adam Yeah, but that kind of stuff has happened to me before, where people hand you condoms at concerts and events.

32:36 Drew Yeah, but you're you.

32:37 Adam I'm me. Yes, that's true. But no, I think you could pass that one by, which is you go to a concert and there's some condom Trojan mobile and some jackass handing them out to everyone and you just put it in your pocket, and then you get home that night and you throw the thing out on the desktop. That one you could lie about, but the open condom and here's my deal. Whether the guy was cheating in using the condom or even if he wasn't, what if he actually was beating off into a condom, still grounds for dismissal. I would not trust a guy beats off into a condom.

33:10 Drew That's scary.

33:12 Adam Yes, I would not want to be around that guy. I wouldn't trust that man with my kids. Serenity.

33:18 Caller Hi.

33:18 Adam Hey, you're 14. What's up?

33:20 Caller I wanted to thank Dr. Drew for his help.

33:23 Drew What happened?

33:24 Caller I called in about my stepbrother who wouldn't wipe himself.

33:29 Caller Yeah.

33:29 Adam Really? Was I here for this?

33:31 Drew It was Chris Hardwick. Not Chris Hardwick. I mean striker.

33:36 Chris Hardwick.

33:37 Drew Wow.

33:38 Adam You're digging deep.

33:39 Drew I'm distracted tonight.

33:40 Adam So what about his wiping? Was he retarded? No. Why wasn't he wiping?

33:47 Drew He was defiant, oppositional defiant.

33:50 Adam Wiping what? His ass?

33:52 Caller Yeah.

33:54 Adam How old is he? Fourteen. Fourteen. Not wiping himself? How do you know he's not wiping himself?

34:01 Caller Well, it's like...

34:03 Drew She found his pants.

34:04 Caller I have to help with the laundry and stuff.

34:06 Drew She found the drawers.

34:07 Adam And did he admit he wasn't wiping? Because some guys wipe, but they don't do a great job.

34:13 Caller Yeah.

34:14 Drew So what did you do with him? What happened?

34:16 Caller Well, he gave me a number and I messed up. Stepdad's gone.

34:20 Drew Yeah. Oh, the stepdad was beating the crap out of this kid. Literally.

34:25 Adam Oh, really?

34:25 Drew Yeah.

34:26 Adam So, Serenity? Good for you. You're not doing a great job, but you're saying everything's good.

34:33 Caller Yeah.

34:34 Adam Oh, good. Great. All right, so your stepdad's out of there. And your brother's wiping himself.

34:39 Caller Yeah.

34:40 Adam And now laundry detail isn't as painful anymore, right?

34:43 Caller Yeah.

34:44 Adam All right.

34:44 Drew Good job, Serenity.

34:46 Adam We're glad it all worked out for you. My laundry is a mess too, and I actually do it. I've told you this many times, it's humiliating, but I do it. I don't let my maid do it. I think you could probably tell a lot about a person.

34:59 Drew I think you'd have a legal problem if you made her do it. I really do.

35:04 Adam I think she could get pregnant.

35:05 Drew I just, the liability is too high. No wonder you scuttled down.

35:09 Adam Yeah, why can't it?

35:09 Drew Yeah, it's the only thing you hustle to every couple of days is to get that laundry work done.

35:12 Adam Oh, she's gotta be on to me. I mean, she's just gotta be. The entire house is a filthy mess, yet there's a fresh load of laundry in the dryer every time she shows up. It's like, she's gotta do the math on that, because it's just such a disaster. It's a Rorschach test, my underpants. It's a mess. I use them, like I said, when the underpants come off, from the time they come off to the time they get to the hamper, they have about 14 different uses before they get to the hamper. Their job is not done when they come off of it.

35:43 Drew I know what I'm getting you for the holidays. I just figured this out. Christmas? When we had babies, we had triplet babies, right? We had all kinds of poo and stuff, secretions and things. We had a diaper service and we just used the diapers for wiping and spitting up on and stuff like that. So I'm gonna get you a diaper service.

36:00 Adam Oh, you see, you would use like disposable diapers.

36:03 Drew No, nice cloth, clean.

36:05 Adam No, no, I know, but you said you used...

36:06 Drew Disposable for the diapering.

36:08 Adam The diaper used a disposable diaper. Yeah. And then you would use the diaper service as almost rags, like baby rags.

36:15 Drew Right. Adam, this is for you. Oh, come on.

36:19 You should be excited.

36:21 Adam No, you know, I was just thinking, I was thinking, you know what I need? I need a paper towel roll necklace. No, I just wear a roll of paper towels around my neck, because that's really where the problem is.

36:35 Drew That's rough. That's harsh, the paper. It makes you get chafing and rashes.

36:39 Adam No, no, I'm pretty tough because I got a layer of oil and hair on me.

36:44 Drew No, you need a nice, soft diaper.

36:44 Adam That protects me from the elements. I don't know, this roll of paper towels I wear around my neck, like this paper towel medallion sort of thing.

36:52 Drew How about just toilet paper around your neck?

36:54 Adam No, I don't like toilet paper because my belly becomes like a decoupage. It looks like a piñata.

37:02 Drew Paper mache.

37:03 Adam Yeah, it's a mess. You guys know what I'm talking about. You try to blotch yourself off with some tissue paper, and the one layer peels off, but the other layer is now permanently stuck to you.

37:13 Drew Let's get in this a little bit here.

37:14 Adam I had to go down to the car wash to get it off.

37:17 Drew When you sneeze, do you like sneeze on to your shirt and then try to clean it off?

37:22 Adam No.

37:23 Drew No.

37:24 Adam You're right. When you ejaculate, hold on. I'm writing. Slow down. Another thing that should have been taught to me as a lad, yes? Go ahead. You're saying to jack off into my nose? What are you saying?

37:40 Drew When you jack off into something, not onto your belly.

37:43 Adam Don't let it contact you.

37:44 Drew There you go.

37:45 Adam Well, that's why the paper towel necklace works. The roll I wear around my neck like a wrapper.

37:51 Drew But if you're still not, yeah, you got to take the tip taper off the roll.

37:54 Adam It's not all masturbation. There's wiping the nose on the sleeve. There's spilt stuff that I use.

38:00 Drew Again, though, the idea is to get these secretions before they land on the corpus, on the clothing.

38:06 Adam Got you. All right. All right. So, you're signing me up for the diaper service?

38:11 Drew I think I'm in.

38:12 Adam It's going to be humiliating when they find out I don't have kids, though. I got crap all over this. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. We'll speak to Katherine when we come back. She's 16. She was raped by ex-boyfriend. Should she press charges? We'll tell her after this.

38:31 Caller Loveline will be right back. So get your problems ready. Ready.

39:08 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Damien, phone screener Damien, reminded me that The Man Show got picked up for 22 more episodes. So I tell that big fat homo, Tom Shales, the TV reviewer who had a bone to pick with me many years ago.

39:31 Drew Be fair, you have no showmanship.

39:34 Adam Many years ago, many years ago. So, Tom, keep writing, you big fat queer.

39:38 Caller What's so special about you?

39:41 Adam Keep writing, buddy, 22 more episodes. Keep it coming. You're my good luck charm. Go minus four stars. I've had minus four stars on a couple occasions. Go for minus five. I think I'd get a bigger pickup next season. Keep writing, you worthless sacks. Keep it coming. Four season. Keep them coming. Keep them coming, Tom. Everyone's listening. You have the ear of America, apparently. Another big pickup. Keep it coming, you worthless, fat sack. Thank you. Catherine?

40:14 Caller Hi.

40:15 Adam Hey, you're 16.

40:17 Caller Yes.

40:17 Drew What's going on? I'm listening to that voice.

40:20 Adam You were raped, huh?

40:21 Caller Yeah.

40:22 Drew You were your first rape must have been when you were about one and a half or two.

40:26 Caller No.

40:27 Drew Huh?

40:28 Caller No, I was raped last May.

40:30 Drew You were never sexually abused?

40:31 Caller No.

40:33 Drew Why can't I believe that?

40:35 Caller Well, I swear.

40:37 Caller No, I don't know.

40:39 Drew It doesn't fit.

40:40 Adam It doesn't work for me either.

40:42 Caller Okay. Well, I don't know if I should press charges because I really don't want my mom to know because I'm an only and I don't.

40:50 Drew Where's your dad? What about your dad?

40:53 Caller My dad? What about him?

40:56 Drew Why would you be concerned about him finding out?

40:59 Caller Because he's really old and he's disabled and he's sick and if he found out, he'd like have a heart attack and die.

41:07 Drew Why is he saying that?

41:08 Caller That's what he says. I don't know.

41:11 Adam He said if I ever find out you're raped, I'll have a heart attack and die?

41:14 Caller No. He says like they would blame me and they get mad at me. So he said if you do one more thing, you know I'll come out and die.

41:24 Drew You've been having some behavior problems?

41:27 Caller No. Just like whatever I do, like grades or whatever, you know?

41:31 Caller So I'm doing really well.

41:33 Adam I miss that. That's a good angle, that Fred Sanford, I'm coming, Elizabeth, where you clutch your chest. Hey, Catherine, this is the first time anything like this has happened to you?

41:48 Caller A few slides now.

41:49 Drew Yeah.

41:50 Adam What happened? That's what we're asking.

41:51 Drew That's what we're asking, yeah.

41:52 Caller OK. I was adopted. And before, like, I can remember stuff from before when I was one, like, two years old.

41:59 Drew Didn't I say two?

42:00 Adam What happened when you were one or two?

42:03 Caller Yeah. My birth mother and my sisters, they would put their cigarettes out on me. They would, you know, beat me, stuff like that.

42:12 Drew All right. There you go.

42:13 Adam All right.

42:14 Drew Now you're starting to make sense.

42:15 Adam Drew started the call by saying, what happened to you when you were one or two years old?

42:19 Caller OK.

42:19 Adam I mean, he did say sexually. And maybe nothing sexually happened to you, but you were the victim of abuse.

42:27 Caller Yeah.

42:27 Adam And that's where you get that voice. I mean, that's how we know.

42:30 Caller Yeah.

42:31 Adam That little girl voice.

42:32 Caller All my life, all my life, I've been like verbal abuse. You know, like I've been like a poor thing.

42:37 Adam All right. So now let's talk about this guy. How old was this guy who raped you, this boyfriend of yours?

42:42 Caller Seventeen.

42:43 Adam Seventeen. And what happened? Had you had sex with him before?

42:46 Caller No. The reason why he raped me was because he was mad at me for not having sex with him because I knew that he was diseased and he was a sex addict. And I tried getting out of the relationship months before. He was just really abusive. And I had to put on makeup on my arms to cover up the bruises.

43:03 Drew Well, Katherine, well, I mean, you found one. You found a good one.

43:06 Adam Right. So now, so you'd never, you hadn't had sex with him before this?

43:12 Caller No.

43:13 Adam OK.

43:13 Drew And your question?

43:14 Caller I was a total virgin before that.

43:15 Drew And your question is, should you report this?

43:18 Caller Yeah.

43:18 Drew Absolutely.

43:19 Adam Yes.

43:20 Drew Absolutely.

43:20 Adam It'd be good for you in your recovery.

43:23 Drew In terms of becoming less of a victim. The fact that you have to ask us, should you report this, suggest how profoundly entrenched in that victim role you are. Now, the trick here, though, is that within really a few hours of the rape, it's hard to collect evidence that proves that you were raped.

43:40 Caller Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

43:42 Drew How long ago did this happen?

43:44 Caller How long ago?

43:44 Yeah.

43:46 Caller It was last May.

43:48 Caller All right, well, it's a while ago.

43:49 Drew We're not going to be able to collect any evidence on that.

43:51 Adam Well, listen, listen. But still, filing a report would be...

43:52 Caller I mean, that's like six months ago.

43:55 Adam Catherine?

43:56 Caller Yeah?

43:56 Adam You're doing real good for somebody who's been through what you've been through, and maybe nothing will come of this.

44:03 Drew For him?

44:04 Adam For him or for anybody. But it's still important to do. And this is a good point. I gotta go on a jag here. It's important to do... See, here's what everyone has to learn. Not everything comes from everything. People do this all the time. Why should I do this? I'm not gonna get that.

44:21 Drew Right.

44:21 Adam From that. Yes, you will. You may not get what you're going out for.

44:24 Drew Not that time.

44:25 Adam Not that time. But it builds you as a person. It really does.

44:30 Drew It's equivalent to guys asking girls out, right? She'll never go out with me. I shouldn't ask her out.

44:35 Adam It's equivalent, yes, to that. It's equivalent to, I mean, the first ten years of my career, all I did was stuff for free that nobody cared about. People would say, what are you paying to do that for? Why are you taking this class? Or why are you doing that for free? Or shouldn't they pay you? Now I get paid for it. So was it for free? Yeah, it was for free when I did it. But was it for free? No, it wasn't because I'm a millionaire now. Literally, a millionaire. But that's what everyone- Literally, yeah.

45:04 Literally.

45:05 Adam Literally.

45:05 Caller Literally?

45:06 Adam Literally. Everybody has to learn this. Whether this guy does five minutes in prison or not is really not for Katherine to decide is a human being. She needs to prosecute.

45:17 Drew Yeah, she needs to be less of a victim.

45:18 Adam She needs to do it for her.

45:19 Drew Yeah, she needs to understand what that feeling is. And it's going to be hard for her. People are victims. They don't want that.

45:24 Adam But that's why it's important that she does it. And furthermore, and hear me now, everybody out there who gets involved with one of these A-holes, even if they don't have a case against them and do any time, it is on their records, that somebody pressed a rape charge against them. And the next time it happens, and there will be a next time for these guys, they have now something in their file, which is going to help the next person they victimize.

45:50 Drew Couldn't you hear Catherine two years ago? Couldn't you just hear two on her?

45:53 Adam Yeah, she wasn't.

45:54 Drew She was two.

45:55 Adam And here's the thing that's funny is, we usually say, what happened when you're five? What happened when you're six? What happened when you're seven? Drew went one or two, I mean, sort of pre-speech one or two. That vibe was so strong.

46:08 Drew It's so strong. It was just two. Pow, that was it.

46:10 Sam?

46:12 You have a question. As long as you don't abuse GHB, like if you don't take too much, how bad is it for you? Or as long as you don't mix with alcohol, how bad is it for your health?

46:20 Drew We'll have to answer that after the break.

46:23 Adam Didn't some high schooler just die to that recently?

46:26 Drew Not surprised. Happens all the time.

46:27 Adam All right. But still not as many deaths as there are from airplane turbulence.

46:32 Drew Or secondhand smoke.

46:33 Adam As we've learned. That's right. We'll take a break. We'll be back.

46:37 All right, guys, here's the deal.

46:39 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

46:42 Drew One call is all you need to make.

46:43 Caller Call the Dateline.

46:44 Caller 877-889-DATE.

46:47 Call the Dateline.

47:30 Adam Hey, y'all. Love Line. I'm Adam Corolla. It's Dr. Drew. Our old friend, Say Farris, will be in here tomorrow night. Be good to talk to Monique and the gang about what they're up to tomorrow night on the show. And when we left off, we're talking to Sam. Sam wants to know about the downside of GHB, and we'll talk to him, Sam.

47:54 Yeah, I was wondering, as long as you don't abuse it, like you don't take too much or mix it with alcohol, how bad is the GHB for you?

47:59 Adam What are you taking it for? Just to get high?

48:03 Caller Yeah.

48:04 Adam Because don't some people take that as a supplement, or didn't they take it as a supplement?

48:08 I guess it used to be a supplement, like for sleep or something, that they used to sell at GNC, but then...

48:12 Drew Actually, it raises growth hormone levels a little bit, so bodybuilders started using it. It is an intoxicant. It's hard to say what the side effects are of abuse of GHB, because I've never seen it. I've only seen it really seriously used, and really it's an addiction of what I see. And then the side effects are profound, just a mess. People become like manic depressive, their personality changes. It's like using a lot of hallucinogenic. It seems like that should all go back to normal, but it takes a long time. People are messed up for quite some time. They don't think right. They have like a funny stare. They just aren't themselves at all for months, and they go back very easily.

48:51 Adam Isn't it tough to manage the dosage?

48:53 Drew Well, that's the abuse problem. There's a very narrow margin from intoxication to seizure and death, and it's extremely hard to sort of maneuver that. So death, seizure, those are potential side effects. Whether or not there's any kind of brain effects from occasional use once every couple of weeks, we don't know.

49:15 Caller Really?

49:16 Adam But let's say the problem is it's just hard to tell. I mean, the difference between a good high and death is so marginal that it's easy to screw up, especially when you're on some sidewalk and you're out front of a club. You know what I mean?

49:32 Caller Yeah.

49:33 Adam You're kind of playing with fire there.

49:35 Okay. I hear you say.

49:36 Adam Whereas with other forms of intoxicants, you know where you're at. You know the difference between a 12-pack and three beers. You can figure that out. Although I had to learn the hard way on many occasions, I must say. All right, Sam. Not a great road to go down.

49:54 Thank you, Roger. Adam, you're the man.

49:56 Adam Thank you.

49:57 Drew It's not a great road. Sam, you have a pretty heavy pot.

50:00 Adam Is he?

50:00 Drew You get that in the north. That's a piccoli thing. Ask him.

50:03 Adam Okay, let's see. Sam? You smoke a fair amount of weed?

50:08 Oh, no.

50:10 Probably a couple of times a week.

50:12 Drew All right. How long is your week?

50:15 Adam Three days.

50:16 Drew Yeah.

50:18 I'm in good shape. I work out.

50:19 Drew You're right.

50:20 Happen to smoke pot every once in a while to relax.

50:22 Drew That's fine. Just what's every once in a while? What's every once in a while, honestly?

50:26 Maybe like two, three times a week.

50:29 Adam All right. Three, four times a week. Hi, buddy.

50:32 Drew His laugh hasn't been affected yet, so it's all right.

50:35 Adam Well, Drew, Drew knew you smoke weed, though, Sam. That's always a bad sign.

50:40 Caller All right.

50:43 Adam You know, it's always funny whether it's somebody who was molested at age two or someone who smokes weed. When they try to sell it to us as, well, it's not a problem, it's like, hey, we've been talking to you for 30 seconds. It's not on the screen. If a couple of guys know you smoke weed from talking to you for a couple of seconds and your question wasn't about weed, doesn't that sort of mean there's a problem? I mean, I don't want to be pop squared them over here. And I think it's fine to smoke a little bit of weed.

51:14 Drew The same thing is true of the caller who goes, you know, I say, you're molested when you're five. No, it's nothing to do with it. Well, right.

51:22 Adam How did you know then?

51:23 Yeah.

51:23 Adam Thank you. Okay. Ed?

51:25 Yeah.

51:26 Adam Ed, you're 22. What's up, brother?

51:28 Caller First thing I want to say, Adam and Drew, you guys are gods.

51:30 Caller I love both of you.

51:31 Adam Thanks. Thanks, Ed. We appreciate that. Okay.

51:34 Caller Well, I had a question for you. I share a bathroom with a female housemate. And the other day I was masturbating in there. And normally I try to clean up the semen pretty good.

51:44 Drew Hang on one second, Ed. He's got a little bit of a...

51:47 Adam Well, he's got to keep a low profile.

51:50 Caller I don't know if she's in the house right now.

51:51 Drew So you have a housemate who's a female, right? Yeah.

51:53 Adam What do you want them to do? Get on the intercom? Is that what they're talking about? Beating off in the same bathroom they use together?

51:59 Caller Well, anyway...

51:59 Adam Thank you, Ed. Yes, I appreciate it.

52:01 Caller Okay. Well, what happened was I accidentally left some on the toilet seat. I normally try to clean it off pretty well.

52:07 Adam How do you know you left it there?

52:08 Caller Well, because I think I felt the residue later. It didn't look like urine.

52:14 Adam Dried up.

52:15 Caller Yeah. And I'm pretty sure she used it in the time between...

52:20 Drew Maybe that came out of her.

52:21 Caller I found it.

52:22 Adam Right.

52:23 Caller And I was just wondering, you know, what effects could that possibly have on her?

52:26 Adam Well, if she finds out, she could need some therapy. But physically, she shouldn't have any.

52:31 Caller Okay, I mean...

52:32 Drew It's just getting on her leg then, right?

52:34 Caller Well, I mean, I would assume not getting up farther, would you think?

52:38 Drew No, I wouldn't think.

52:38 Adam She didn't ram the toilet seat up her cooch, did she?

52:41 Caller Oh, I hope not.

52:44 Adam We've heard worse on this show.

52:46 Caller Yeah.

52:46 Adam All right, Ed, you're good. Now, let me get something straight.

52:48 Caller The cooch?

52:50 Adam Let me see if I can envision your technique for a second here. You stand up in front of the toilet or you do it sitting on the toilet? Sitting.

52:59 Drew Oh, that's quite a...

53:02 Adam Knees bent.

53:03 Drew Yeah.

53:04 Adam Basically, he's running a chair. How... Wow. And heels just sitting there like you're going number two.

53:14 Caller Pretty much. I mean, leaning forward, kind of.

53:16 Adam Leaning forward.

53:16 Drew Well, that's got to get the thing into the hole there.

53:19 Adam Leaning forward a little bit, huh?

53:21 Caller That way it goes right into the toilet.

53:22 Drew Into the bowl. So, here you go.

53:23 Caller Yeah.

53:26 Adam It seems like it's a little tight, though. You must have no ass on you.

53:29 Drew Or no...

53:30 Adam Or no penis. Thank you, Drew.

53:32 Caller I'd say it's a good five inches.

53:35 Adam Nothing good about five inches, brother. No, wait a minute. Drew's a passionate man. A passionate, passionate man who's very well in town, so it's easier for him to make fun of the kids. But I'm a little closer to you, Ed. Now, I'm trying to picture this because you're sitting all the way back on the toilet, right? Right. I mean, your ass is pressed up against the bowl. I mean, the tank, right? And you're masturbating and your feet are down by your side, and just like they would be if you were, you know, just using the toilet for the reason God intended the toilet. And then as you have your orgasm, you bend your penis down and sort of lean forward and go into the bowl.

54:20 Drew That's conceivable.

54:21 Adam But sometimes it catches the seat.

54:23 Caller Uh-huh. That's basically what happened.

54:26 Drew And there's something.

54:27 Adam It's pretty diabolical that beating off on the commode that way because you could never be busted. You know, I mean, people walk in and it's like, hey, I've taken a crap.

54:36 Caller That's why I do it that way. It's because, like, I've always been concerned about getting caught in that way.

54:41 Adam Right.

54:41 Caller No, no.

54:42 Adam Genius. Genius, Ed. Because someone walks in on me and I'm standing over the sink with my pants around my ankles holding a jugs. And it's like, uh, I'm washing my hands.

54:53 Caller I think you're a sick bastard.

54:56 Adam Why are your pants around your ankles? You're washing your hands.

55:02 Drew So Ed's a genius.

55:03 Adam No, this is smart. I mean, think about this. He can never be busted. There can be accusations, but no, no proof. You're on the pot. But still that leaning. I mean, you know, I mean, like, I'm all for you see. Here's what here's OK. Here's what I want to say.

55:20 Drew What do you want to say?

55:22 Adam You have to weigh pleasure against convenience. You know, I mean, like, it would be great to just hang your dork out of a moving car and beat off because there would be no mess.

55:36 Drew Right.

55:37 Adam But it wouldn't be very convenient. It'd be hard to drive the car.

55:41 Drew Yeah.

55:42 Adam You know what I mean? People would be honking the horn.

55:44 Drew Taking you out of your ninja zone is quite a difficult concept.

55:50 Adam Right.

55:50 Drew Even like putting down a tarp, diaper, or using a towel.

55:54 Adam Yeah. That's what it is.

55:56 Drew It's like, nope, not possible. No.

55:58 Adam You know, it's the equivalent to putting the condom on during the sex. It breaks the moment. It breaks the rhythm for me if I have to go in for something. You see what I'm saying?

56:09 Drew Yeah.

56:09 Adam If I have to go out back, pull the all-weather tablecloth that's over the picnic table out, poke my penis through the hole that's normally meant for the umbrella, and beat off into the big Sinzano thing there, it's not going to work for me. I've tried. You see what I'm saying?

56:27 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

56:28 Adam But that's why these guys who beat off in the shower or on the toilet this way are genius. My hat's off to you. Although I really, Drew, you couldn't pull that off, could you? You could.

56:38 Drew Sure.

56:39 Adam You could pull off sitting down. But what about into the toilet?

56:42 Drew It's not possible. Why is it impossible?

56:45 Adam Well, because you're sitting there and your penis goes up when it's erect. It's not pointing straight out when you're sitting.

56:52 Drew You have to move around a bit.

56:54 Adam Drew's done this before apparently. Drew, in a standard size round bowl toilet, not the elongated commercial ones you see at the airport.

57:04 Drew It'd be a tolerator.

57:05 Adam Yeah, and who wants to do the shifting right at the point of ecstasy?

57:10 Drew But that's you and your ninja thing again. You cannot be disturbed.

57:13 Adam You don't mind taking on small tasks while you're coming essentially?

57:19 Drew No, whatever that may be.

57:22 Adam I don't agree with that at all. But here's what I want to say. Whenever I go use a toilet, like at a airport or a restaurant or something, and it's got that, you know, the ones are wishbone shaped, they don't make a full circle, I like that. Why not work that in to residential use? That toilet seat?

57:42 Drew Why not?

57:43 Adam That's what I'm saying.

57:44 Drew Why not? Who decided that there has to be a complete circle?

57:48 Adam I don't know who decided it had to be a full circle, and it's half the reason.

57:52 Drew And when it goes up, it doesn't make that big noise, it doesn't snap against the back of the seat.

57:57 Adam And I don't pee and fill my pants like a trough because the urine is going underneath the front of the toilet seat and above the bowl and hugging the contour of the bowl and filling my pants. I would be able to see what's going on.

58:08 Drew And think of the millions we'd save in plastic.

58:11 Adam For that little three inch piece of plastic?

58:13 Drew Every toilet and the concrete.

58:14 Adam Yeah, if we could do a seat, every ten seats we could do another seat.

58:18 Drew That's right.

58:19 Adam Okay, I'm with you on this. I would like the commercial style toilet seats in my place. I'm going to look on making a transfer.

58:28 Drew Could you?

58:28 Adam I'm going to retrofit my toilets tomorrow.

58:30 Drew Could your ass cleaning seat accommodate the horseshoe?

58:33 Adam My ass cleaning seat is a horseshoe variety. Yeah. Uh-huh. Because they're smart over there in Sweden. I think that's where it comes from.

58:40 Drew Japan.

58:40 Adam No, mine comes from like Stockholm or something. Here's the seal. The seal, right? There's a picture of the seal on it.

58:46 Drew It's Japan.

58:47 Adam It is?

58:47 Caller Yeah.

58:48 Adam How do you know?

58:48 Drew Because that's the one they had at that hotel.

58:50 Adam No, mine's got a weird name to it. John?

58:54 Caller What's up, man?

58:55 Adam Hey, what's up?

58:57 Caller Nothing much, man.

58:58 Adam No, we just spent 15 minutes talking about toilets. Oh, yeah.

59:02 Caller Well, I got to admit, man, jacking off into the bowl is a good idea.

59:06 Adam Yeah, but while you're sitting on it and having to bend your penis forward when it's erect and stuffing it into the bowl, it just sounds like too much work.

59:13 Caller Well, I mean, you know, you get used to it.

59:15 Adam All right. Go ahead there, John.

59:17 Caller Well, I love your guys' show.

59:20 Adam Thank you.

59:21 Caller You guys are awesome. I'm just wondering, you know, I really like this girl at school, right? And I'm always having trouble finding some of the say to her, and you know, pick up lines. I was wondering if you had any pick up lines for me, Adam?

59:34 Drew Pick up lines by definition don't work.

59:36 Adam They're always flawed. Hey, do you talk to her? Do you have a dialogue with her?

59:40 Caller I mean, you know, I try, you know, like you say something like, so you're hot, you know?

59:44 Drew Well, that doesn't work.

59:46 Adam No.

59:47 Drew I mean, it's got to be more in the order of, I guess I know you're hot, but I never thought of you that way. But are you interested in what?

59:56 Caller Hold on.

59:57 Adam I got a fart coming up. I was just going to ask you all, hold on and listen to this, John. Listen.

1:00:02 Caller Fart.

1:00:04 Adam Oh, it's like a low, wow, it's like a bass tone.

1:00:08 Drew That's not going to do it.

1:00:10 Adam No, I don't think that's bad. No, it's not bad. You're fine. You dodged a bullet there. No, it's good. It's fine. It's cool. Hey, John.

1:00:18 Caller Yeah.

1:00:18 Adam She knows who you are? Yes. Why don't you just ask her out then?

1:00:24 Caller Okay.

1:00:25 Adam Just ask her out.

1:00:26 Drew Just straight out.

1:00:27 Adam Go for it, bro.

1:00:27 Drew Straight out.

1:00:29 Adam Don't try to pull anything fancy.

1:00:30 Caller Okay.

1:00:31 Adam You're not going to be able to pull it off. Just ask her out.

1:00:33 Caller All right.

1:00:34 Adam Can you do that?

1:00:35 Caller It sounds good. She's really hot.

1:00:37 Adam Will you do it tomorrow?

1:00:39 Caller Yes, I'll try.

1:00:41 Adam Please. Please do it tomorrow. How does it work with the eggs and the chicks? What the hell was that from? All right. I say eggs or AIDS. How does it work with the eggs and the chicks?

1:00:57 Drew What were we talking about?

1:00:58 Adam Chicks and their eggs?

1:00:59 Caller That was your pick up line, I think.

1:01:00 Adam That was my pick up line?

1:01:02 Caller Really?

1:01:03 Adam That doesn't sound familiar to me. Amanda?

1:01:06 Caller Yeah.

1:01:07 Adam You're 15?

1:01:08 Caller Yeah.

1:01:08 Adam I usually use that the world's your oyster line. I'm trying to pick up a lady. How does it work with the eggs and the chicks? Amanda?

1:01:16 Caller Yeah.

1:01:17 Adam All right. 15. What's up?

1:01:19 Caller I wrote a really violent essay for school and I turned it in. My parents and my teachers are concerned and they're taking me to see a psychologist.

1:01:27 Adam Yeah.

1:01:28 Caller They think I'm depressed and psychotic and I'm not. I'm really cheerful.

1:01:33 Adam What was the essay?

1:01:34 Caller It was about, well, the prompt was like what started it because we had to write from the point of view of this guy who like saw another guy dying and didn't try and help at all.

1:01:46 Adam What was, what was, what started it?

1:01:49 Caller Well, we had to write an essay about this guy who saw this other guy, like...

1:01:53 Adam I got that part. You said the prom?

1:01:55 Caller Prompt.

1:01:55 Drew The prompt.

1:01:56 Adam Oh, the prompt. Oh, this is the motivation for the essay?

1:01:59 Drew Yeah.

1:02:00 Adam Okay. What prompted you to write it? They call those prompts?

1:02:03 Drew Yeah.

1:02:04 Adam Well, if Drew doesn't know, it doesn't exist. Good. Alright. So the, the motivation was you had to write about a guy who...

1:02:11 Drew Was it his story you read or saw a movie about?

1:02:14 Caller Yeah, we read it in class.

1:02:15 Drew You read his story?

1:02:16 Caller Yeah.

1:02:16 Drew And you had to write your own reaction to that story?

1:02:19 Caller No, we had to write like what the guy who saw him dying and didn't do anything was like thinking.

1:02:23 Drew Experiencing.

1:02:24 Caller Like why he didn't help.

1:02:26 Drew What happened with you? What did you write?

1:02:28 Caller I wrote that the guy was like a psychotic serial killer cannibal and he was like butchering this guy in his kitchen and he saw the other guy like out the window because it was like on the street and he was like I'm not going to help him but I'll watch just in case he does die. Then the guy didn't die and so he was like okay he's my next victim.

1:02:51 Drew Were you trying to be funny?

1:02:53 Caller Well kind of.

1:02:54 Caller I mean it seemed like a really good plot because it like tied it together really well.

1:02:58 Drew Yeah it's imaginative.

1:02:59 Caller And like all my friends said it was really well written and stuff.

1:03:01 Adam Yeah well what do they want? They picked death as a topic or a prompt for this essay and then you start basically take their topic of death and run with it a little bit. You do creative like you would do in creative writing and now you're being penalized for it.

1:03:17 Caller Yeah well I want to know what I should say to this psychologist.

1:03:19 Adam Well let me tell him he's next.

1:03:22 Drew Let me hear a little more about what colors your fingernail polish.

1:03:26 Caller I don't wear polish.

1:03:27 Drew You wear a lot of black clothing?

1:03:29 Caller Not really. Most of my clothes are red, gray.

1:03:33 Drew All right and you've not been depressed?

1:03:35 Caller No.

1:03:35 Drew Your grades are good?

1:03:37 Caller Yeah.

1:03:37 Drew Do you ever hear voices or think strange thoughts about people?

1:03:42 Caller No.

1:03:43 Drew Talking about or anything like that?

1:03:45 Caller I want a puppy but my parents won't get me one.

1:03:47 Adam Scared you're going to eat it.

1:03:48 Drew Scared me. What's wrong with being evaluated? Don't just tell the truth. You're going to be fine. Don't worry. They're going to clear you.

1:03:56 Adam It's no big deal. Yeah, go ahead.

1:03:58 Caller I have another question. What if I use the excuse that I was PMSing when I wrote it?

1:04:02 Drew No. You start to get manipulative and then they will have a problem with you.

1:04:07 Caller Okay.

1:04:08 Drew Just tell the truth.

1:04:09 Caller Well, they're going to be like, why did you write something in this style when it's totally stupid?

1:04:13 Drew You know what? Stay on the academic plane with them. Just like this was, I was being creative. This was where my fantasy took me. I don't have fantasies like this all the time.

1:04:25 Adam Well, it's not even a fantasy. I wouldn't even label it a fantasy.

1:04:29 Drew It's fiction.

1:04:30 Adam Yeah. Well.

1:04:31 Drew That they asked for.

1:04:33 Adam Listen, what do you want to do? Arrest Stephen King?

1:04:36 Drew Exactly.

1:04:37 Adam I mean, what is creative writing?

1:04:39 Drew Clive Barker.

1:04:40 Adam Clive could be arrested by the gay police, which was the gay police was the guy who was in the Village People, by the way. A lot of people don't know that.

1:04:49 Caller Clive? Hey, I'm Clive Barker and you're listening to Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Corolla.

1:04:54 Adam Corolla.

1:04:54 Drew Yeah, there it is.

1:04:55 Adam And not an English man in the world can explain to me why you sons of bitch Englishmen got to take the A, your beloved A, the one you put at the end of water. You know that A? The A that turns water into water.

1:05:13 Drew Every E-R is A.

1:05:14 Adam Every E-R is an A to you sons of bitches. Why when you have a golden opportunity to use an A, like in the name Corolla, do you have to put the E-R on the end of it and turn it into Corolla?

1:05:27 Caller Adam Corolla.

1:05:28 Adam Okay, that's passive aggressive, is it not?

1:05:32 Drew Of course.

1:05:33 Adam There is your beloved A. Here is a chance for you to use it correctly. Nope, going to put the E-R in there.

1:05:41 Caller Adam Corolla.

1:05:43 Adam Can't say the word spa, it's spar. What is that? And how come no one can explain it? And what other language do they can't say it when it should be used and then can say it when it shouldn't be used? Because you can't use the excuse that they can't say it. There's plenty of Latino guys who just cannot say certain letters or certain combinations of letters that's not in their language.

1:06:08 Drew In the Hispanic tongues though, they've managed to incorporate that phenomenon into their B's and V's.

1:06:14 Adam Right. They've swapped those around.

1:06:17 Drew Yeah, same thing.

1:06:19 Adam Shala?

1:06:20 Drew Shala?

1:06:20 Adam Shala?

1:06:21 Caller Shala?

1:06:23 Adam Shala? Okay, if you're going to write something phonetically, but S-H-A-Y if you want me to say Shala.

1:06:30 Caller That's how I spell it.

1:06:32 Drew No, he's not yelling at you.

1:06:34 Adam That's how you spell it?

1:06:35 Caller Yeah.

1:06:36 Adam Hold on a second. Let me yell it. What's his name over here?

1:06:39 Caller Former employee.

1:06:40 Adam How else would you pronounce S-H-A-Y-L-A? Give me a possible way to pronounce that. It isn't Shala. No, there's no answer.

1:06:55 Drew Let's go on with Shala. Shala, what's going on?

1:06:57 Caller Well, I'm curious if this is at all normal because I sort of discovered a new phenomenon that they don't write about in magazines and I've never heard you guys talk about. So I don't know if I'm normal. Recently, like, I just started working out again and I've been doing sit-ups and I got one of those rollers, you know, things, the ab rollers. And I have been experiencing some of the most, like, intense orgasms of my life, like, while doing sit-ups. Is that normal? I mean, you guys talk about the tub and, yeah, that's okay. But, I mean, you know, I've used vibrators and it's all good. Like, I can have...

1:07:34 Adam Let me ask you, how far up your vagina do you put this ab roller?

1:07:41 Caller No.

1:07:42 Adam Is it the handle part that you use?

1:07:44 Caller I mean, there's no, like, actual physical touching.

1:07:46 Adam I see. Oh, okay. Then I was confused.

1:07:49 Caller I'm totally in my mind going on.

1:07:50 Adam No, women do this. Women have orgasms at the gym.

1:07:54 Drew It's very normal. Some men do. There's even a few guys that will do this doing left lifts like faking.

1:07:58 Adam Gay guys are beating off in the shower room. No, no.

1:08:00 Drew There's a very rare guy. But for women, this is part of that magical range that women sort of encompass.

1:08:06 Adam Right. You're 22. We spoke to a 23-year-old who tried to vibrate her and had 10 different tongues down there.

1:08:12 Caller That's totally why I called. I mean, she needs to start doing this and she'll be fine.

1:08:15 Adam No, it won't happen, Salem.

1:08:17 Drew No, no, no. You're at the other end of that spectrum.

1:08:20 Caller Wow.

1:08:21 Drew You're the lucky end, the luckier end.

1:08:24 Caller I mean, it's so much more intense than any other method.

1:08:30 Adam Oh, really? But you can have one when you're masturbating.

1:08:35 Caller Absolutely.

1:08:35 Drew Why don't you start doing kind of sit-ups when you're having sex? What would happen then?

1:08:41 Caller Well, I mean, I guess that works.

1:08:42 Adam Well, wait a minute. You're doing like an...

1:08:43 Caller I don't have a problem normally, but I mean, it's just like to such another level.

1:08:47 Adam You're doing that ab roller thing where you're on your knees and rolling forward?

1:08:51 Caller No, I'm like laying down.

1:08:53 Adam Oh, no, no. She's doing the ab rocker.

1:08:56 Drew Yeah.

1:08:57 Adam I thought you're talking about that rolling device. No, no, no. You do the rock thing.

1:09:01 Drew Yeah.

1:09:02 Caller Yeah, and you rock up, sort of like you're doing a crunch, but I just like...

1:09:05 Adam Yes, which I... Drew, how many years ago did I invent that? I've always told you that with the timed thing. All right.

1:09:13 Drew Oh, that thing we did. Yeah, that's what we do. Yeah.

1:09:16 Adam All right. So, hey, yeah, you could do that.

1:09:19 Drew Did you have an orgasm during that?

1:09:20 Adam I had three. You could do that while the guy was nailing you, right?

1:09:24 Caller But do you think it's just like the pelvic dusting thing?

1:09:27 Adam I think it is, but it's also the fact that your knees may be together.

1:09:31 Drew It is. Women need to tighten those muscles, and sometimes when they do it, it can actually induce orgasm. That's part of the whole arousal process.

1:09:39 Adam But now, can you have an orgasm, like could you be the gym and not make a scene?

1:09:46 Caller I mean, I think I kind of get into like a zone, and then it's just like intense. I mean, I don't think I need to like scream or grunt or anything, but I can lay there still for like a couple of minutes.

1:09:57 Adam You could do it and no one would know. No one would know, right?

1:10:01 Caller I guess, yeah. Right. Like the undercover orgasm.

1:10:04 Adam Yeah, I mean, especially if you were sort of grunting and working and sweating. Are you working hard?

1:10:10 Drew Are you working in the gym or at home?

1:10:12 Caller At home, but no public display. Sorry.

1:10:15 Adam Nice. All right. You consider yourself blessed.

1:10:18 Caller Wow.

1:10:19 Caller Awesome.

1:10:20 Adam And thank you. And imagine, I mean, you know how tough it is to get people to exercise?

1:10:26 Caller Yeah.

1:10:26 Adam Imagine if you get an orgasm with it. How apt you'd be to exercise. All right.

1:10:34 Drew Take a break.

1:10:35 Adam Okay.

1:10:35 Drew Do some setups.

1:10:36 Adam All right. We'll be back. We'll be back.

1:11:08 Caller This is John Stewart, you're listening to Lovelines, and the answer to your question is Point Neck.

1:11:14 Adam Hey, John Stewart.

1:11:15 Caller Yeah.

1:11:17 Adam He's a friend of mine. He's a dear, dear, dear friend of mine. I think I could actually call him a friend. When I go to New York, I see John Stewart. He's a dear friend.

1:11:28 Caller Is that why you called it Lovelines?

1:11:30 Adam Yeah. Why did you call it Lovelines? Well, I usually call him John Stewart. So I guess it's a little payback time. Everyone calls the show Lovelines. I call it Lovelines half the time. All right. But thanks for taking away from my relationship with John Stewart. Anderson, I appreciate you doing it. Think about that party of Anderson that takes such great pleasure in knocking me down off of my high horse. Thank you. All right. Let's hop back to the phones and speak to Jake, who's 20. Drew, put the jumbo sack of nuts away. And we're going to talk to Jake.

1:12:17 Caller Yeah, Jake.

1:12:18 Adam Jake.

1:12:19 Caller Yeah, what's up? How's it going, guys?

1:12:20 Adam Good. What's up?

1:12:22 Caller Yeah, I just, we were like, I was with some friends this weekend who were doing, like, a lot of cocaine this weekend, and my friend, he went home afterwards, and I guess he did some crack, and he overdosed on it, and he died on it.

1:12:37 Drew Well, you don't have to overdose on crack to die. He just plain old did it and died.

1:12:41 Adam But if it kills you, didn't you overdose?

1:12:43 Drew No.

1:12:44 Adam Why not?

1:12:44 Drew Because you can have one first hit off the pipe and die.

1:12:47 Adam Then that's overdosing.

1:12:48 Drew No, no, no. That's a heart attack or a stroke from the crack. Overdose means you take so much that your system becomes overwhelmed by it. That's very hard to do.

1:12:58 Adam I know, but I think the looser interpretation is that the drug kills you in one night. Jake, sorry, go ahead.

1:13:07 Caller Yeah, we were like hanging out, and we were doing massive amounts of cocaine that night, and I guess he went home and mixed it wrong, and he ended up overdosing on it. And I don't know what to do now, yeah.

1:13:19 Adam How good a friend was he?

1:13:22 Caller He was my best friend. We've been friends for like five years now.

1:13:26 Drew Well, sometimes when one addict dies, it's a gift or a blessing to the surviving friend, because it gets your attention. That's what actually gets you to go get some treatment and get over your disease before you die.

1:13:41 Caller Yeah.

1:13:42 Drew And if you really want to do something to honor your friend, perhaps that would be the thing to do.

1:13:46 Caller We've been trying to cope. It was only three of us that kind of did this. And we've kind of like just kept moving with it, like trying to cope with it. And we've done a lot more coke. And we've been drinking a lot more lately.

1:13:57 Drew I'm sure that's just, again, trying to suppress those awful feelings. How about doing something to actually pay tribute to your friend, such as taking care of yourself and going to get some treatment?

1:14:08 Caller At this moment, it's just really weird. We just don't know what to do. I don't understand this right now.

1:14:12 Adam Well, listen, because you're high. Jake, here's the situation. Forget about your buddy for a second. Here's the way you got to look at a lot of tragedy. What the hell?

1:14:27 Caller That was my nose. I'm just trying to get the last of it in there.

1:14:30 Adam Oh, please. He's not. He's full of crap.

1:14:34 Caller Yeah. Ha ha ha.

1:14:37 Drew Because that's not how you do crap.

1:14:39 Adam You don't snort crack? Well, they wasn't doing crack. He was doing coke.

1:14:45 Drew You say crack.

1:14:46 Adam They say he's doing massive amounts of coke. I just don't believe him. Now he was like, yeah, sucking it up his nose. All right. Listen, here's the deal. If your friend did die, Jake, the legacy that he could leave is you being alive and you not Odean or having a heart attack. Oh, and that's what see to me. Not to spin everything this way, but the people that died at the World Trade Center.

1:15:17 Drew Did us all favor.

1:15:18 Adam They did in the sense that we are now safer and more aware and could possibly get away from a situation that could be potentially dangerous to us.

1:15:30 Drew Right. We didn't know we were in that world where that kind of thing could happen. But now that we know it.

1:15:36 Adam Yes. And it took their lives to awaken us to that. And in a way when your drug buddies kicks off because he OD'ed or had a heart attack. That can be the same thing on a smaller scale to you. And then it will be worth something in a sense. But if you OD'ed.

1:15:58 Drew He won't have died in vain.

1:15:59 Adam If you OD'ed a month later then it meant nothing. Okay. Let's talk to Kia. Kia?

1:16:08 Caller Hello.

1:16:10 Adam How bummed were you when that Kia started coming out with those crappy cars? You're named after a bad Korean automobile.

1:16:19 Caller You know what? I'm part Asian so it really doesn't matter.

1:16:23 Adam What's Kia mean? Four Speed?

1:16:26 Caller I was told that it was actually an Asian porn star.

1:16:32 Adam Were you named after an Asian porn star? Because there's only one and her name is Minka. Thank you.

1:16:39 Drew Now wait a minute. This was your mom's way of honoring her child?

1:16:43 Adam Who is number one? Minka? Number one Asian big boob queen.

1:16:50 Drew Number one Asian big boob queen. What's your question, Kath?

1:16:53 Caller Okay. Since I was an exotic dancer for about three months and I was only 18 and I was like homeless at the time and everything, after I quit, I just kind of turned into kind of recluse and I just kind of feel like I don't want to spend my life like a normal kid my age. I just want to get married and get everything done with.

1:17:19 Drew What's that? You want to what?

1:17:21 Caller Get everything done with.

1:17:22 Adam You want to get married, pop out some kids and die.

1:17:25 Caller That's normal.

1:17:27 Drew Because what? You fear that you're going to go back down that road or?

1:17:30 Caller Oh, no.

1:17:33 Caller I don't know. I just kind of feel like I don't want any of my old customers or any of my old dancers that I danced with to see me.

1:17:40 Drew So is this an attempt to sort of redeem yourself?

1:17:43 Caller No, it's not that.

1:17:44 Adam It's just I don't know.

1:17:47 Caller I don't know.

1:17:48 Drew Well, I don't either. I'm trying to figure it out.

1:17:50 Adam She doesn't know, but she does know whatever your suggestion was is no.

1:17:56 Drew She knows what it isn't.

1:17:57 Adam Okay. So how long has it been since you danced?

1:18:00 Caller A month.

1:18:01 Drew Did it for three months, off for a month. Here's all I know. You're depressed.

1:18:05 Adam Yes. How do you support yourself?

1:18:08 Caller Well, after I quit, I moved back home.

1:18:11 Drew Why were you homeless?

1:18:13 Caller Because I got kicked out of the house.

1:18:14 Drew Why?

1:18:16 Caller Just not following the rules, coming home after spending the night with a boyfriend, smelling like whiskey.

1:18:21 Adam How many times have I told you no dancing at a nudie bar, young lady?

1:18:25 Caller My parents?

1:18:26 Adam Yes. Now take a time out.

1:18:29 Caller Well, see, I was raised Mormon and everything. And so they just made jokes about it after they found out. I was on my own.

1:18:38 Adam All right, baby. Well, hold on. What turned you into such a mess? What happened to you?

1:18:43 Caller A lot.

1:18:44 Adam Yeah. What happened? Give us the name.

1:18:46 Caller Everything that could possibly go wrong with a person.

1:18:50 Adam Somebody molest you?

1:18:51 Caller Yeah.

1:18:52 Caller Who?

1:18:53 Caller Grandfather.

1:18:54 Adam Yeah. And how's that old bag? Is he dead yet?

1:18:58 Caller No, he's in prison.

1:18:59 Adam Oh, good.

1:19:00 Drew It's going to work.

1:19:01 Caller Yeah.

1:19:02 Adam Good. I hope some guy makes a shiv out of like a spatula and just sticks it right in between his third and fourth rib and punctures a lung on that old F. That's good. What's he in jail for? That?

1:19:15 Caller Molesting my cousin.

1:19:17 Adam Oh. He's getting around.

1:19:18 Caller It's kind of like a whole family deal.

1:19:20 Adam What a delight. What a delightful gent.

1:19:22 Caller Come here and give me a hug.

1:19:28 Adam We can't just put a slug in that old F's head. You know what I mean? Like, how many folks did he need to get around to? He got your mom, right?

1:19:36 Caller Oh, no. It was my dad's dad.

1:19:39 Adam Oh, well, he got your aunt then.

1:19:41 Caller All of everyone's daughters, so, you know, he's a school teacher, so who knows.

1:19:46 Drew Oh, my God.

1:19:49 Adam What a delightful gent.

1:19:50 Drew Oh, my God.

1:19:51 Adam All right, baby. So now you got some energy. And now you're going to have to work a little bit to work around this, OK? Yeah. You can't act out. No more dancing. That's all right. You don't have to correct everything in six months. You know what I'm saying?

1:20:07 Caller Yeah, it's just, I don't know.

1:20:08 Caller I just, I was a really outgoing person, and I always hung out with people, and now I'm just kind of like, ah, just leave me alone.

1:20:14 Adam You're depressed.

1:20:14 Drew You're depressed. You're looking for sort of a rescue. You're looking for a life preserver right now, and that's not a great way to get in a relationship. Certainly not a great way to start a marriage.

1:20:22 Adam Listen, you need friends. You need exercise. You need that kind of stuff. You know, the whole depression thing. Listen, everybody, it's here's what happens. You get depressed and you want to stop moving. And it's like you have arthritis and your joints just stop working. And what you need to do, and it's tough because it's painful because your joints hurt, is you got to move them. Because if you stop, then they'll really seize up and you'll really be screwed. So what you have to do is almost force yourself to get on a schedule. You have to get up at a certain time in the morning even if you don't have anywhere to go. And you have to walk and you have to exercise. You got to sweat. I mean, Drew, I know I sound like Richard Simmons when I say this. And everybody laughs at me. But look, all of you who are depressed out there, you need to sweat a little bit every day. You'll feel better. You really will. And I'm not talking about sweating to the oldies. Just go for a walk and listen to some classical music and do some push ups. Listen and eat some good food.

1:21:21 Drew Aerobic exercise compares favorably with antidepressant medication for the treatment of depression.

1:21:26 Caller I can do it.

1:21:26 Caller They can do it.

1:21:27 Caller You can do it.

1:21:28 Drew Is that Richard Simmons?

1:21:29 Adam No, that's Christopher Lowell.

1:21:31 Drew Fill that space.

1:21:34 Caller Look for the areas. Fill that space.

1:21:37 Adam Today we're going to take PVC pipe and make it look like bamboo. And then we're going to make a lovely, lovely pedestal end table out of this PVC pipe. Now, all you do, you start off with 700 lineal feet of PVC pipe. And then you'll have to cut it in half using your bandsaw. I hope you have a bandsaw out there. And then what you do is you put a coat of primer on it. Now that takes a day to dry.

1:22:01 Drew Okay.

1:22:01 Caller I want to jump out of the window.

1:22:02 Drew I want to jump out of the roof.

1:22:04 Adam Hey, Chris, isn't bamboo about a nickel a foot? How's about you just get the real goddamn bamboo and stick it on the table. You know the thing about that show. Okay. You guys got to watch it. Okay. Nobody knows what I'm talking about. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

1:22:21 Caller What?

1:22:23 Adam Tara.

1:22:24 Drew Tara.

1:22:24 Caller Tara.

1:22:24 Drew Don't call me Tara.

1:22:25 Adam Don't call me Tara.

1:22:26 Drew God damn it.

1:22:27 Adam Knows the show that I'm talking about.

1:22:29 Drew Oh, she's excited about it too. I wonder why she leaned forward.

1:22:32 Adam It's officially it's time to kill myself because in the year you've been here, this is the first time I've mentioned something on the air that you've been aware of, correct?

1:22:39 Drew That I've seen her listening.

1:22:41 Adam You love Christopher Lowe? He's the world's gayest man.

1:22:48 Caller I think he's hilarious.

1:22:49 Adam He's excellent.

1:22:50 Drew He's not meaning to be funny though.

1:22:53 Adam I think he is.

1:22:53 Drew We think he's funny too.

1:22:54 Caller I can do it.

1:22:55 Caller They can do it.

1:22:56 Caller You can do it.

1:22:58 Adam Alright, we'll take a little break. We'll be right back.

1:23:02 Caller Come on, back in a minute.

1:24:05 Adam Yeah, everybody. Let's check the time real fast. Let's check the time real fast. 1145 and 59. No, 1146 straight up, 14 minutes away from the top of the hour, straight up. I'm Ace Rockolla, your humble host. That's my partner over there, Dr. Drew. Hot, hot, hot, board certified ladies. And let's check the weather before we hop back on the phone. And then we got to do some traffic and server board too. Irvine checking in at 49, Manabella 55, Ilko, Chilli 53, wear your dickies out there, kids. City industry, 63. Monrovia, 66. Warm over there, Manabella, God bless, Monrovia. Studio City, 61, 59. Serino's checking in at 56. Lancaster coming in at 61. Checking in at 46. Pomona, Altadena, 50. Demecula, 52. And in even, 49 degrees in Valencia. Now it's time to check a little driving, a little slow and go on the 101. Look out for brake lights.

1:25:12 Drew Caltrans.

1:25:13 Adam Caltrans. Come on, give them a break out there. Debris on the 405, a flatbed truck, lots of furniture over there. So look out for that one.

1:25:21 Drew Mattress. Mattress.

1:25:22 Adam Slow and go. Slow and go out there, southbound.

1:25:24 Drew High-repress setting up.

1:25:25 Adam Jackknife, bobtail in the third lane in the 118. So watch out for that. Caltrans in a pylon. Look out for flares and cones out there. And a motorcycle down on 110 and 101.

1:25:34 Drew With injuries.

1:25:35 Adam Collided with a nuclear armament truck. So it's going to be an airlift going on over there. Let's hop back on the phone. So what do you say there, Drew? Oh, by the way, Zuma coming in at three to five. It swells out of the door. Trestles coming in at six and overhead with sets of eight foot. So you surf as we're able to get out there.

1:25:49 Drew How frequently do the sets?

1:25:51 Adam Coming in every 30 seconds. Coming in from the northeast, west, south, south, swell. And Long Beach coming in at three with sets of five. The Wedge coming in at six feet with sets of eight. And Newport coming in three to five feet. Swell out of the north, out of the south. The big hurricane Iris out there has really set it off up there. Sunrise at 553 a.m. Sunset at 622 p.m. Let's check.

1:26:18 Drew High tide.

1:26:18 Adam High tide rolling in at 12 noon.

1:26:21 Drew All right.

1:26:21 Adam Watch out for reptiles up there. Let's hop back in the phones, Drew. Let's check the time real fast. It's 1147 and no 1148 straight up. 12 minutes away from the top. The Army's Rockoal is a good partner over there. Dr. Drew. No. Smackdown in the middle of the night. Let's hop out of the phones and speak to Vanna. I can't pronounce your name, babe. We got to move on to the next one. What's your name there, Dr. Drew? Vanna. Vanna. 24 years old, Vanna. What's going on?

1:26:48 Caller Okay. My ex-boyfriend gave me my first orgasm.

1:26:54 Caller And then the boy...

1:26:56 Drew How old were you when that happened?

1:26:57 Caller This is last year. 23.

1:26:59 Adam 23.

1:27:00 Caller So first boyfriend.

1:27:01 Adam Irvine checking in 49, Manabella 55. Go ahead.

1:27:04 Caller Okay. So then, my boyfriend now, every time I have sex with him, all I can think about...

1:27:10 Adam Hold on. Your current boyfriend? Or his name is now? She said her boyfriend now.

1:27:17 Caller I don't know.

1:27:17 Adam The guy was like a Korean guy or something. You know. I'll go check in at 53. Go ahead.

1:27:24 Caller Okay. Well, anyway, all I can think about is my ex-boyfriend.

1:27:31 Adam First guy.

1:27:31 Drew Hold on.

1:27:31 Adam We got a Bobcat big day. This coming in. Look out for brake lights on the 405. A little Sloan go over there.

1:27:36 Drew Why don't you get back to your ex-boyfriend if you're really into him?

1:27:39 Caller Well, I don't know. I don't know if it's that. I mean, I really like him, but it's like... I don't know if I just keep thinking about him because of the orgasm. It's only when I'm having sex.

1:27:49 Adam No, we haven't. Hold on a second.

1:27:51 Drew Maybe it's just that you're not into the current guy.

1:27:53 Adam Sorry, Drew, I got to check the time here. 1149 and 30 seconds. That's 10 minutes and 30 seconds away from the top of the hour, straight up smack dab in the middle of the line around fast, 12 and a half minutes of radio. I'm Ace Rockolla. That's my good over there partner, Dr. Drew, going to be with you in about another 10 minutes. City coming in for 61. Upland, 59, 56. Torino's Linecast, 61. Let's hop back on the phones now and talk to Danielle. Danielle, you're 15 years old. I'm Ace Rockolla. What can we do you for?

1:28:20 Caller There's stuff coming out of my nipple.

1:28:21 Adam Hold on. Let me check the time. It's 11, no, 11, 50 straight up, 10 minutes away from the top of the air. What's coming out of your nipple, Sweetie?

1:28:29 Drew Any chance you're pregnant? No. Are you on any medication?

1:28:33 Caller Yeah, I'm on Risperidone effects.

1:28:35 Drew Okay. Those cause breast milk production as one of the side effects. You want to talk to your doctor about that. Occasionally, there can be little tumors in the pituitary gland that can make that more prevalent, but it is also a normal side effect of that medicine.

1:28:50 Adam Yeah, let me say this. Got milk?

1:28:52 Caller Yeah.

1:28:59 Adam Lancaster checking in, 61 Ponddale coming in at 57, Pomona 46. Let's hop back on the phones here, Drew. We'll check weather, traffic, surf, and I'll give you the sunrise and sunset coming up. Again, we'll check the time real fast. Let's talk to Mike. Mike, 17 years old. What's going on, Mike?

1:29:16 Caller Tweaky hole, baby. What's up, guys?

1:29:20 Adam It's 11.55. No, it's 11.50 in 55 seconds. No, wait a minute. 11.51 straight up. Nine minutes away from the half the hour. I'm Ace Rockolla. It's a good partner over there, Dr. Drew. What's going on there, Mike?

1:29:32 Hey, you guys are great. Say that first.

1:29:35 Adam Thank you, buddy.

1:29:37 Okay. When I drink alcoholic beverages, sometimes, like, actually, most of the time, like, I throw up.

1:29:46 Adam Hey, hey, hey, Mike, let me ask you a question. I'll tell you something. Ace Rockolla has done it a few times. You put them beer goggles on, huh? You have a few beers, and you get them beer goggles. You take home them fat, putrid bitches, and you have them all night.

1:30:00 Caller Put them beer goggles on.

1:30:03 Adam It makes the fat, ugly ones you don't want to have. Have them all.

1:30:07 Actually, no.

1:30:08 Drew Hey, Mike.

1:30:09 Adam Hi, buddy. It's a Manabella coming in at 49 degrees.

1:30:12 Drew You mean you have any alcohol, you sip on it, then you vomit, or you mean you drink to excess, and then you vomit?

1:30:17 No. Sometimes I'll drink two beers, the bubbles will build up in my stomach, and I'll throw up, or sometimes I'll have six, and be like, oh.

1:30:27 Drew Are you Asian?

1:30:28 Adam Temecula coming in at 52. Valencia, 49, by the way, 46, and Pomona, Altadena, 50. Yeah, is that what, white?

1:30:34 Caller I like it as white as they come.

1:30:36 Adam Well, there's your problem, Elbino. All right. Well, look, man, don't drink there, buddy.

1:30:42 Drew Are you on any medication?

1:30:43 Adam You get them beer goggles on. We've been there. You've been there. Hey, I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you.

1:30:52 Drew Are you on any medication at all?

1:30:53 Adam Bang, that's my bitch.

1:30:55 Drew Nothing, no anti-inflammatory, no Tylol or anything.

1:31:00 Adam I'll tell you what happens is you put them beer goggles, and they're not actual goggles. It's what happens to your eyesight after you tilt a few at the bar. Then them fat, skanky, herpetic bitches, you go home and you bang them all night on it. You wouldn't have them with B. Arthur's dung, you know what I'm saying? But after you put them beer goggles on, you have sex with them fat, butchered bitches. It's 1153 in 10 seconds. That is 6 minutes and 50 seconds away from the top of the hour straight up. Now, Montebello coming in 49. We got a surf coming out to the northeast, a zoom is coming in 3, 5, 6. Sunset at 6.51 in the morning, sunset at 6.09 in the evening. We got a hot back of the phones here, Drew. We got slow and go in the 405. Look out for brake lights. We got debris on the 118 and we got a bobtailed big brake out there too. A Bobcat, a Batec knife is a big guy with a bobtail. Look out for brake lights and lane closures over there, Caltrans. Hey, give them a break. Give them a break. All right. We want to hop back on the phones here, Drew, is there anything we can do?

1:32:09 Caller No, I'll go out here.

1:32:10 Adam I'll tell you what, during the break, I'm going to tell you about these beer goggles. You end up drinking, and oh, man, women who don't deserve you to have sex with them, you end up having sex with them. You kick those fat pigs out of bed. When you age?

1:32:22 Caller No way.

1:32:23 Adam I'll tell you what I do. I do my coyote thing, man. I wake up the next morning like, whoa, look what I put my penis in.

1:32:29 Caller I actually chewed my arm off to get out of bed.

1:32:32 Adam It's like, I wasn't proud of it either, I got to tell you. Fat, ugly women don't deserve to have sex. I'm really hot. I shouldn't have sex with them. All right, we got them goggles on. All right, we'll take ourselves a break. We'll be right back with more Loveline after this.

1:32:48 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me, so what's up?

1:32:50 Caller So I was like you and I used to think that these datelines were totally cheesy.

1:32:53 Caller Why can't I meet anybody?

1:32:54 Caller But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell? So I called the dateline and actually met a cool guy.

1:32:58 Caller I called the dateline and I hooked up with some cool people.

1:33:00 Caller Believe it or not, other normal people are out there looking too.

1:33:03 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:05 Caller Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:33:45 Adam Well, there you go. Another fan-fabulous episode of Loveline, deep, deep in the ground. Save Ferris, our good friend Save Ferris will be in here tomorrow night, and I'll see Osborne next week, everyone, along with Lit, or a bunch of good guys too. So, I ran into one or two of them at a swap meet not too long ago, but good times. Yeah, good times. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. And you get them beer goggles, you take home them fat putrid bitches, and you have them all night with them beer goggles on.

1:34:25 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, October 9, 2001