Episode 1000754886793

1:01 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:13 Hey, we're on.

1:16 Adam Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla.

1:18 That's Dr. Drew over there.

1:20 Adam Dr. Drew, board-certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. I'm looking for the volume on my headphones. Oh, there it is. Okay, yes. You want us to switch mics, Anderson?

1:30 Drew No, they're both going to sound like that, I'm afraid.

1:32 Adam Oh, really?

1:32 Drew Yeah.

1:33 Well, why shouldn't we?

1:34 Adam We're at the Museum of Television and Radio, and we're doing a show. I don't know why we're here, but here we are again. It's been a year, right?

1:42 Drew Yeah, it's been good. It's nice to come back, isn't it?

1:44 I don't know.

1:45 The jury.

1:46 Adam The jury's still out. All right, we're going to switch mics.

1:48 And one, two, three.

1:52 Drew You know it's nice.

1:53 Adam Oh, no.

1:54 Drew You know it's nice. Even in a truly decked out studio, one that is beautiful and at the state of the art, we can still screw up.

2:01 Yeah.

2:02 Drew You know what I'm saying?

2:02 Adam That's the beauty of us. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Clive Barker is our guest tonight.

2:09 Clive Barker Good evening.

2:10 Adam Good to see you again, Clive.

2:11 Clive Barker Is that working?

2:12 There you are. Yeah.

2:12 Clive Barker Yeah, yeah. Okay, good.

2:14 Adam Clive is...

2:15 Clive Barker This is a beautiful studio.

2:17 Adam Yeah, state of the art.

2:18 Clive Barker Yeah, really.

2:19 Adam Everything here, everything's good but the mics, ironically.

2:22 Drew Well, it's just your voice on the mic.

2:25 Adam Is that what it is?

2:25 Drew Yeah, because that was my mic a second ago and it was...

2:28 Oh, now it sounds like crap again.

2:29 Drew That's right.

2:30 Okay.

2:31 Adam Everyone has to excuse me because I got this wisdom tooth or I got this prom with a tooth. It's not a wisdom tooth but it's...

2:39 Drew You're taking Vicodin...

2:40 Adam .Rude Canal.

2:40 Drew You're taking...

2:41 Adam I'm on some stuff. I'm on stuff.

2:43 Drew Yeah, I can see.

2:43 Adam I've been on stuff all day.

2:45 Drew I can see.

2:45 Have my pupils dilated?

2:46 Drew No, they're pinned.

2:47 Oh, really?

2:48 Adam Yeah.

2:50 Clive Barker What does that mean?

2:51 Drew Look at them.

2:51 Adam Are they small?

2:52 Drew They're in a nice dark room. They should be blown. Look at them.

2:54 Clive Barker Yeah, right. You're right. You're right.

2:56 Drew Yeah, his are small.

2:57 Adam Are they little?

2:58 Yeah.

2:58 Clive Barker Are you flying?

2:59 Adam I'm not tracking right, but I thought Drew said I should be blown about two minutes ago.

3:03 I said, so you're Clive who's going to be doing that.

3:06 Clive Barker That's not...

3:07 Or the curator here.

3:08 Adam All right. So, yeah, so I'm a little bit high. I spent the whole day in my pajamas, so. What's unusual about that?

3:14 Clive Barker Yeah.

3:15 Adam Clive is here talking about his 21st book, everybody. Jesus Christ.

3:22 Clive Barker I'm still a child.

3:24 Adam And he's going to be down at Britannos in Century City on Santa Monica Boulevard this Friday doing a signing at seven o'clock. Cold Heart Canyon is the name of the book.

3:36 I think we were talking about it last time.

3:38 Adam Clive is here pimping those figurines, which, by the way, soared out.

3:42 Clive Barker All gone. Are you going to redo them? No, we're not actually.

3:46 Drew Are we doing another set?

3:48 Clive Barker Yes, we are going to do another set. We're going to do six more wild figures. But the first set, 190,000, went in two weeks.

3:54 Drew I had trouble getting over. I had dreams like two weeks after those.

3:57 Adam Yeah, there is an incredible, I don't know, it's not fair to call them models or action figures.

4:04 There were little pieces of kinetic art.

4:09 Adam You know, I was, I don't know, who did that with you, McFarland?

4:12 Clive Barker Yes, Todd McFarland.

4:13 Adam I spoke to Todd McFarland about him purchasing Mark Maguire's 71st home run ball about three years ago for about three million bucks.

4:23 Drew He did do that?

4:24 Adam Yeah. You know how much that ball is worth now?

4:26 Drew Seven.

4:27 Adam Seven what?

4:28 Drew Did it go down because of bonds?

4:30 Adam What do you mean, did it go down because of bonds?

4:32 You're such a retard, Drew.

4:34 Adam I'm Isaac Hyde. I know you're an idiot.

4:36 Did it go down?

4:38 Adam It's not worth anything now. No, he's actually playing with it. He's actually using it.

4:43 Clive Barker He got his ball back?

4:46 Adam Did he sell that thing?

4:47 Clive Barker I didn't lost. Go back.

4:49 Drew He said he bought it for three million dollars.

4:50 Clive Barker He didn't.

4:50 He said that.

4:52 Clive Barker So now Maguire is playing with the same ball?

4:54 Adam No, now, you Brits, you know nothing about sports. The point is, is McFarland, McFarland You heard the way he spoke to me, right?

5:05 Clive Barker He's just being rude tonight.

5:06 Go on.

5:07 Adam The audience knows what I'm saying. McFarland bought this ball for like three million dollars because it broke the home run record three or four years ago.

5:15 Drew Let me put it this way. I would imagine that the ball that Hank Aaron hit out of the park was at Atlanta, that that would still be worth ten million bucks even though the barrier was shattered quite some time ago.

5:28 Adam Well, that's a valid point. It's probably worth less after it gets broken again, but that was 25 years ago, too. This is three years later.

5:37 Drew So he's got to hang on to McGuire's ball, that's all.

5:39 Adam No, no, no. The point is he spent three million bucks on a ball that broke a record that no one thought could be broken. And it's not Hank Aaron's ball. What's his names?

5:50 The one who broke the record.

5:52 Oh, Jesus Christ.

5:53 You guys know what I'm talking about.

5:54 Adam The guy who hit 61 in...

5:56 Okay, the Yankee. What's his name?

5:58 All right, let's just move on with the show.

6:02 Adam Hank Aaron has the most home runs. This is home runs in a season.

6:05 Drew Right.

6:06 Adam The point is his Barry Bonds now holds it and his ball's worth nothing.

6:10 Drew Didn't he also have the most in a season?

6:12 Adam Okay, no.

6:13 Clive Barker Must be tough. You have your balls worth nothing, right?

6:16 Adam You can find Clive. That's right. You can find him signing Saturday.

6:21 Clive Barker Isn't it me or is it getting like a sauna in here?

6:23 Adam It's very hot in here. Did you hear the way he pronounced sauna?

6:26 Clive Barker I'm Sauna. Sauna.

6:27 Adam Sauna.

6:27 Clive Barker I say it jolly good.

6:28 Drew Sauna? You say Sauna?

6:29 Clive Barker Yes, you did. I'm sorry.

6:31 Adam Yeah, it's hot.

6:32 But we'll get the air going.

6:33 Clive Barker Okay.

6:33 Adam All right, so tell us about this book, Clive.

6:36 Clive Barker It's a book about Hollywood. It's my towel book. Well, we talked about it last time I was here. I was doing a book in which I was trying to put all this stuff about Hollywood that I had learned in the last ten years and really try and uncover some stuff about the town and particularly its history. I mean, I was looking back at the early years of Hollywood, the time when it was supposed to be an innocent town and it was a wild place, frontier place.

7:03 Adam Was it worse then than it is now?

7:05 Clive Barker I think it was.

7:06 Drew Are you talking about very beginning?

7:07 Clive Barker Yes, I am.

7:08 Drew I am talking about the teens.

7:10 Clive Barker Yeah, exactly. I am talking about 1919, 1920. And so I get some of that in the book and then I get a lot of modern Hollywood too. And I really tried to, you know, tell it like it is.

7:24 Drew Do you name names?

7:25 Clive Barker No, well, a few.

7:26 Drew It's obvious what you are talking about.

7:27 Clive Barker Yes, it is. It's very interesting. I gave the book to my publicist and she named everybody instantly. I thought I had done a really good job of covering it all up.

7:36 Drew Did you have to research it a ton to know what was going on in the trans-central?

7:39 Clive Barker Oh, yeah. There was a lot of stuff covered up, I think. I think we have a kind of weird idea of what those years were like. I mean, we think of Mary Pickford. Mary Pickford was earning a million dollars a year back then. I mean, that is a lot of money. And they were having serious parties.

7:55 Adam Are we talking about the 30s?

7:58 Clive Barker No, we're talking about the teens now.

7:59 Adam She was making a million.

8:01 Drew Yeah, before the 20s.

8:03 Adam In the teens?

8:04 Clive Barker Yeah.

8:05 Adam Jesus Christ.

8:06 Clive Barker She was the highest.

8:07 Adam Kill that bitch. Is she still alive?

8:09 Clive Barker No, she isn't. Okay. She isn't. She's lucky.

8:12 Adam I'll tell you that. Go put a pillow on her head right now. I believe she made that kind of money.

8:17 Drew You're so effing higher now.

8:19 Clive Barker This is going to be a very difficult issue.

8:21 Yes, it is.

8:22 Adam I just can't believe that Pickford made more money in 1917 than I make now. This doesn't seem fair.

8:29 She's not even on a cable show.

8:30 Drew It's not even funny.

8:34 Adam All right, so you found out, now wait, how do you research this stuff?

8:39 Drew Well, probably those are the people that set the tone for what was to follow.

8:42 Clive Barker Oh, yeah, they were. They were.

8:44 Adam Yeah, well, what's the best?

8:46 Drew I'm not going to say that.

8:46 Clive Barker Well, I don't want to tell too much.

8:48 Drew Douglas Fairbanks.

8:49 Clive Barker He did a lot.

8:50 Clive Barker He did a lot. I mean, they had some wild times, let me tell you. Wild times.

8:55 Adam Aero Flynn.

8:56 Clive Barker Yeah, well, I think all of that, we know all about that. Yeah, we, somebody is going to turn on the air finally. Look at that. That kind lady is going to turn on the air.

9:05 Adam Who's the biggest sleeper? I mean, who's the Hollywood star that you didn't know about that was out philandering?

9:11 Clive Barker I can't tell the ones you don't know about because they're kind of protected. But people like Flynn were very, very wild. I think there was some stories which aren't fair. I don't think he was ever a Nazi, for instance, which was claimed at one point. But, you know, he wanted to name his house Cirrhosis by the Sea because he drank so much. I mean, he was a wild, wild guy, and that was part of his public appeal, I think. I mean, I think people liked the idea that they were watching this guy who was out there. I don't think we have people like that now. I think we're sort of a little PC. Now, that isn't to say that movie stars aren't actually being wild behind closed doors and occasionally locked doors, but I think that by and large we've cleaned up the act, which is perhaps a pity.

9:58 Drew What occurs to me immediately is like, well, Studio 54 people were still that way.

10:01 Clive Barker Well, that's right.

10:02 Drew But then what sort of stopped all that was HIV, and I wonder if that's what helped put a lid on some of it.

10:07 Clive Barker Well, you still got Robert Downey Jr. and a few people around who were doing the drug thing and so on, but yes, I think we all were traumatized by that.

10:18 Adam I don't like to drop names, but Robert Downey Jr. called me today at home.

10:23 Drew Oh, did he call you back?

10:25 Adam Why with the back?

10:26 You have to put the back in there.

10:27 Drew Because I know you called him, I expect him to call back and go, Jesus Christ, how do you get this phone number? Is that why he called you back?

10:33 Adam No, Bobby Downey just called to chew the fat, talk about some projects and things like that.

10:39 Yeah, I did.

10:41 Drew And what's the numbers?

10:42 Adam Yeah, good kid, sweet kid Bobby. I misunderstood too. A lot of, well, people don't know him like I know, but a dear, dear, dear friend.

10:50 Clive Barker What is he saying?

10:52 Drew What is he saying? Although he animated.

10:53 Adam I mean, I'm telling you.

10:54 Drew He just called him.

10:55 Clive Barker Is it true?

10:56 Drew Yeah, yeah, you called him.

10:57 Adam Yeah, you want to know the range of my life? I was on the other line with a guy in Minnesota who made steel fabricated wool sheds. And I was like, hold on, hold on, this guy's, it's snowing. He's sitting in Minnesota and I'm talking to him about purlins and headers and the steel fabrication. And it's like, hi, this is Robert Downey Jr. I'm like, John, yeah, Robert Downey Jr. is on the other. The guys in Minnesota are screaming, no way.

11:25 Clive Barker So, yeah, that's the range I had. What was it?

11:28 Adam Some benefit thing and I called him first. So, he's just returning the call. Let's help the kiddies. Hopefully, we will get him on this show along with Anthony Kitas from Red Hot Chili Peppers coming up real soon.

11:39 Drew Excellent.

11:39 All right.

11:39 Adam You got a call there, Drew?

11:40 Yeah.

11:41 Drew I want to talk about my Highway Patrol experience last night.

11:44 Oh, yeah.

11:44 Drew Drew got pulled over.

11:45 Later.

11:47 Drew John, 16.

11:48 Yeah.

11:49 Drew What's up, John?

11:51 Not much. This weekend, I'm probably going to have sex for the first time.

11:59 Drew How old's your girlfriend?

12:01 Okay. I'm just wondering what you guys recommend for protection and stuff like that.

12:09 Drew Is she willing to get on the pill?

12:10 Adam Pepper spray.

12:11 Drew Pepper spray.

12:12 Yeah.

12:12 Drew Is she? Yeah. Or a knife. That can be tough.

12:14 Yeah.

12:14 Drew Yeah. She should carry that. But aside from that, is she willing to go on the birth control pill?

12:19 Yeah. But I don't think right away she wants to put her arm in stuff. Not in time.

12:24 Drew Well, so one thing you could do is obviously use a condom, which is probably... Are either of you sexually active or have you been in the past?

12:30 No.

12:31 Drew Neither of you?

12:31 Uh-uh.

12:32 Drew Okay. So...

12:33 Adam Are you scared, John?

12:34 Am I scared? No.

12:35 Adam Yeah. It's probably not going to turn out too good, you know.

12:39 Yeah.

12:39 Adam Yeah. Yeah. It's going to be a disaster.

12:42 Why?

12:44 Adam You know, first time out.

12:45 Clive Barker First time.

12:45 Adam Guy like yourself. Sure.

12:47 Clive Barker Why a guy like yourself? That's unfair on John. Come on.

12:50 Adam I'm just trying to screw with him a little more.

12:53 Clive Barker Why are we choosing this weekend, John? Any particular reason?

12:56 I've always been talking about it a lot and I don't know.

13:00 All right.

13:02 Drew Well, John, here's the deal. Condom is a good protection, but it's only about 80 to 90% effective. And I think it's really important that you keep the emergency contraception around in case the condom fails. Right? And that's something she would take as soon as possible after an unprotected encounter. It suppresses the egg from being released, so you never get pregnant. You never have to worry about is this some sort of abortion pill because it isn't. It just works just like it's just not as effective as a normal contraceptive, normal birth control pill taken before the intercourse.

13:30 Clive Barker And how effective is it?

13:32 Drew It's about taking the first 24 hours. It's in the 80, 90 percent range.

13:36 Clive Barker So if you put that together with a condom?

13:38 Drew Well, if the condom fails is when you're taking the morning after.

13:41 Adam But you don't eat the condom, right?

13:43 Drew No, you don't eat the condom.

13:44 Clive Barker Well, some of us do. Some of us do.

13:47 Drew Oh, yeah.

13:47 That's right, Clive.

13:50 Adam Clive has one of those alternative lifestyles.

13:52 Clive Barker It's Uncle there.

13:55 Drew Bill, 30.

13:56 Adam Bill.

13:57 Yo, how are you doing, guys?

13:58 Adam What's up?

13:59 Clive Barker Hello.

14:00 Yes. Hi. Hi, Clive.

14:02 Clive Barker How are you?

14:04 I'm doing pretty good. Thank you, sir. I'm calling to ask about some, I don't know how to properly classify them as warts or blisters on the tip of my penis that I've probably had since, at least since I was 15 years old.

14:19 Drew First of all, this is, I realized last night when I tried describing to someone what a blister looks like, how is it that people in this country don't know what a blister looks like? Well, by the way, if you had a blister that, hang on a second, Bill, if you had a blister that lasted 15 years, would you then begin to think maybe that's not a blister?

14:34 Adam I'd give it 20 before I, before I.

14:36 Drew Blisters are stuck on, they're on top of the skin, they're a bubble. That's a blister.

14:41 Maybe the best way to classify them is like, actually, I'm thinking like a blood blister, actually, because it actually seems like, you know, like dark blood, that, you know, like when you get a blood blister, the kind of bubble will be cut out.

14:52 Drew There are those things, those things do develop on the penis, usually at an older age.

14:56 Adam It's like a birthmark at a certain point, isn't it?

14:59 Drew There's some stuck on little bloody growths that can, you in fact called me about that one time.

15:03 Adam I did?

15:04 Drew Yes, you did.

15:04 Adam What'd I have?

15:05 Drew In a panic, you called me one time.

15:06 Adam About my penis?

15:07 Drew Yes, you did.

15:08 Adam I was talking about Clive's.

15:09 Drew Yeah, that's what you were calling about.

15:12 Clive Barker How would you know anything about my penis, Adam?

15:14 Adam Listen, you know how you know about those stars?

15:16 Clive Barker Don't even go there.

15:16 Adam That's how I know about your penis. I got my sources out there.

15:20 Drew If it's flesh color, do you think about the pearly penile papules, but these sort of stuck on blood color, dark purple, those are normal also. They're usually more towards the base though.

15:30 Adam All right, well listen.

15:31 Clive Barker Sounds like Bill's okay though.

15:32 Drew Yeah, he's fine.

15:33 Adam Fifteen years.

15:34 Drew Yeah, if it were something.

15:35 Clive Barker He said he had it since he was 15. We don't know how old he is. He's 30 now. How do you know he's 30?

15:39 Drew It's on my website.

15:41 Adam You're probably clever.

15:42 Clive Barker You're mostly saying.

15:42 Adam He said 30 at the time.

15:44 Clive Barker Oh, I'm sorry. I missed that.

15:45 Drew Clive was not as cute a listener as you were. He threw it out. Even high, Adam.

15:48 Adam I have my pupils locked, seriously.

15:50 Drew They're tight. They're pinned.

15:51 Adam They're pinned?

15:52 Drew Yeah. I imagine mine are moderately large.

15:56 Clive Barker Yeah. You're worried now in case.

15:58 Drew You should see a tiny rim of virus, right?

16:00 Adam Right. What do I got?

16:01 Clive Barker Tiny dots.

16:03 Adam What is that, from the painkillers? Okay.

16:06 Drew Good times. By the way, since I'm going to tell a Ohio Patrol story, they should be on the lookout for you. You should be driving home tonight.

16:12 Adam Yeah. Thanks, Dr. Charity.

16:14 Drew 25.

16:15 Adam Give my plate number.

16:15 Drew I will in a few minutes. Stay tuned.

16:17 Jerry?

16:18 Drew Charity.

16:19 Adam Oh, Charity.

16:20 Charity?

16:21 Yeah.

16:21 What's up?

16:22 I have a question for Dr. Drew. What information he has on HPV?

16:28 Drew As far as what?

16:30 Just like if it's curable? Because I mean, I've been told, actually it worked for me. I've been told it had.

16:37 Drew It had what?

16:38 It was curable.

16:40 Drew Well, it's not curable. It's controllable and a certain percent of the time it goes away.

16:45 Adam This is warts again, right?

16:47 Drew Warts. Yeah. You assume it's a papilloma virus. And the complications of HPV. What's the matter, Ann? Okay. Just give us a little bit of a post on. The complications of HPV.

16:56 Adam Why are you taking two wart calls in a row? That's why her post is on.

16:59 Drew Okay.

17:00 Adam Come on, Drew. Use your brain here. You're acting like your pupils are dying. Go, go, go.

17:05 Clive Barker Just take no notice of the high amount in the corner.

17:07 Drew All right. The complications of HPV, the growth, the pre-cancerous growth, that sort of thing, that's curable.

17:14 Okay.

17:15 Drew But HPV itself is controllable and then it often goes away on its own.

17:19 So what's not curable about it, then?

17:22 Drew Well, there are certain viruses that persist and you can't really, there's no way really to tell which one you've got. And the ones that persist tend to be the ones that increase the risk of cervical cancer. So you have to screen more regularly and have to get those little pre-cancerous changes taken off whenever you get them.

17:37 Adam How long have you had it?

17:39 Well, I haven't had a bad pap smear in probably about five years now because I took...

17:43 Drew So it's probably gone.

17:45 I took a bottle of herb and it's called BS-C.

17:51 Drew No, that's not why it went away. It goes away on its own.

17:55 Okay.

17:58 Adam It'll show up in a pap smear?

18:00 Drew Yeah, absolutely.

18:01 Adam Good times.

18:02 Drew This is Guy, who's 28. Guy?

18:04 Clive Barker Hey, how you guys doing?

18:06 Clive Barker Hey, Guy, how you doing?

18:08 Clive Barker Good. First of all, Adam Drew, only two smarter men than me. You guys are geniuses. Clive, I love Candyman.

18:18 Clive Barker Thank you very much. Great.

18:20 Clive Barker I was wondering if any of your other books are going to come out that were as intense as that?

18:27 Clive Barker Yeah, actually, we're doing a movie over at Warner Brothers called The Damnation Game, which is based upon one of my novels, which I think is probably the most intense thing we've ever put on screen. I'm hoping.

18:39 Adam When is that out?

18:41 Clive Barker Just going to screenplay right now. It's a book I published 12 years ago, I guess, 13 years ago, and it's really a heavy book, and I was delighted that a big studio wanted to do it. I think they want to do something which is as intense as The Exorcist. That's what they've been saying. So if we can pull that off, it would be great. The Exorcist is one of my favorite horror movies.

19:05 Drew What made that intense?

19:06 Clive Barker What made the movie intense?

19:07 Drew What is it you're looking for?

19:08 Clive Barker I think it's a kind of relentlessness and a kind of seriousness of tone. Horror movies, to be really scary for me, they just need to be serious. I don't like the tongue-in-cheek kind of stuff. I like movies to be, there you go. That's a serious horror movie, you see? Yeah, the Halloween scared me because it was a scary...

19:29 Drew Exorcist.

19:29 Clive Barker I'm sorry.

19:30 Drew That was the Exorcist.

19:31 Clive Barker You're right, you're right. The Exorcist scared me and the Halloween scared me because they were serious pictures.

19:37 Drew Is that Halloween?

19:38 Clive Barker That's Halloween.

19:38 Drew Yeah, the first one was Exorcist.

19:39 Clive Barker Right, but Halloween... You're right, it was... What's that next?

19:42 Adam This is the Shining. The Halloween did have an Exorcist rep.

19:45 Clive Barker It did, kind of an homage to that. Yeah. Who was that guy who wrote that? Tubula Bells, right.

19:53 Adam Now, this is Halloween.

19:54 Clive Barker Oh, yeah. There you go. Didn't that picture scare you?

19:58 Adam Yeah, it scared the hell out of me. You know, Phyllis Tyler, this girl I like, farted in the theater, it was so scary. It was so startling to her, she squeezed one out.

20:11 Drew What did you say? Nice.

20:12 Clive Barker Nice one.

20:13 Adam I was totally into her and she was sitting right next to me, and Jason came up busting out of the closet or whatever the hell that scene was. What's his name?

20:23 Clive Barker Yeah. Now, Michael Myers.

20:24 Adam Oh, Michael. Right. Yeah, it's now ruined because of the Canadian comedian with the same name. But the point is, he came bursting into the closet and she was like, I thought, wow, this is scary.

20:37 Clive Barker How old were you?

20:37 Drew Did you love her more at that point?

20:38 Adam I was like 15 and a half, 16.

20:40 Clive Barker So she was very embarrassed or not?

20:43 Adam Well, she would have been had she liked me, but it's like, screw it. It's like when you do something stupid in front of a homeless person and you think, no, who cares? Who are they going to tell?

20:53 Drew They start ripping further, doing some more for you after that? Yeah. Yeah, to push you away, repel you. Thank you. You loved her more though, I suppose.

20:59 Adam What the hell was the question?

21:01 Drew He answered it.

21:02 Adam Oh, we did?

21:02 Drew Yeah. Is Phyllis still out there? Yeah, I was going to say, is Phyllis Tyler somewhere?

21:07 Clive Barker I was writing to you even as we speak.

21:08 Adam No, not interested.

21:10 Clive Barker Now that you're famous and high, maybe she would have a different vision of you.

21:15 Adam Well, yeah, now that I'm high, maybe I think she's interested. That's a good point. All right, should we take a break here?

21:20 Drew Yeah.

21:21 Adam All right, Drew, you see, now you're going to have to step it up because I'm a little bit high, my pupils are. Now, this is the opposite of dilated, what do they call that?

21:28 Drew They're pen, they're constricted.

21:30 Adam Constricted.

21:31 Drew Myotic.

21:32 Adam Is this what they look for when they shine the flashlight in there?

21:35 Drew Yeah.

21:35 Clive Barker Is that right? I never, I never knew that before.

21:37 Drew Well, it's one of the things. You're also looking for eye movements and things.

21:39 Adam Well, now, what would booze do to my pupils?

21:40 Drew Make, not the pupils, that makes the eye movement problem. That's why they say look over here. That's when you see the nystagmus.

21:45 Adam All right, now what about weed?

21:47 Drew Weed just gives it a nice red.

21:49 Adam I'm going to go home and experiment with my eyes. Now, I don't actually dump the booze on my eyes.

21:55 Drew No, no, you don't have to drink it. Right? Yeah, yeah.

21:56 Adam All right. Clive Barker's our guest tonight. We're going to, we're out here at the television and radio museum and we're going to take a few more calls and talk to Clive and do all that after this.

22:48 Drew Adam's mic is out. How are we, Clive? We're going to have a good time tonight. I'm Dr. Drew, that's Adam Corolla over there speaking to a dead mic.

22:54 Clive Barker And I'm Clive Barker.

22:55 Drew Clive Barker promoting his new book.

22:57 Clive Barker Cold Hot Canyon. Going to be at Bretano's on Friday. And Adam is still shaking his head.

23:03 Drew Don't worry about that, guys. This is a dream come true.

23:07 Adam Yeah? Oh, there we go.

23:08 Uh-oh, he's back.

23:10 Adam Good times. I'm a little bit, uh, my pupils are small. They're pinned. As I took painkillers all day today because of a screwed up root canal I had a few years ago. So don't worry about it.

23:23 Drew So Adam and I talk on the phone every night. We don't get enough chance to talk here on the radio every night. So we talk all the way home on our damn cell phones. Is that true? Yeah, that's true. And, uh, well, Adam talks, I listen. And then last night I took a different route home and it goes sort of by a mountain. And I started losing him. So rather than having him repeat everything he had been saying, which was quite a lengthy tirade, I thought, I've got to speed around this mountain. It's to make sure I don't disconnect from him so I can keep going. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And I sped around them. I didn't pay attention how fast I was going and got off at my home. And I'm still talking to Adam now. And I go, oh, my God, there's a policeman right behind me. No lights just sitting behind me. I thought, oh, Christ, it's over. And Adam goes, he'll recognize you. Just shut up. Don't worry about it. He's going to let you go. I thought, what are you talking about? I was speeding.

24:05 Clive Barker I'm going to take it.

24:06 Drew And he goes, no, just shut up. He's going to let you go. I swear to God. I thought, oh, the lights come on right then. Right as you said that.

24:11 Adam Yep. Right as I pulled into my garage, Drew was looking at rollers in his rear view. And I thought, oh, I'm so glad I'm home.

24:19 Drew This guy pulled me over and he goes, uh, going 90.

24:22 It's like, oh, my God.

24:23 Drew I had no idea. I had no idea I was going that fast. And, uh, he let me go.

24:28 Adam He recognized you, right?

24:28 Drew He recognized me and kind of laughed and then said, get out of here.

24:31 Adam Yeah. Good.

24:32 Drew And I felt awful.

24:34 Adam Drew felt bad.

24:34 Drew I had to call him. I wanted to take a shower. Why? Why? Because I was guilty. I should have been. Why let me go? You know what I mean?

24:42 Clive Barker What a puss. Such a moral man.

24:45 Adam He called me and said, I feel so guilty about the cop letting him off. Who else would feel guilty about that?

24:51 Drew I feel awful about that.

24:52 Adam Why would you feel guilty about that?

24:53 Drew Because I did something wrong and I should have to be consequences. You want to be punished. I don't want to be punished. I just want to do what's right. Then I feel bad for other people that don't get let off. Why me? That's my self-worth problem. I'm not worth being let off.

25:08 Adam You're mid-level B slash C celebrity. That's why you got off.

25:13 Drew Please give yourself some credit. The guy was so nice to him. He made me feel worse.

25:17 Adam Listen, I appreciate it. Okay.

25:19 Clive Barker That's nice.

25:20 Drew I'm really appreciative. I'm appreciative.

25:21 Clive Barker He's probably listening and you should say thank you.

25:23 Drew I thank you.

25:24 Clive Barker I am.

25:24 Drew But I still know that I'm walking around feeling like crap all day.

25:27 Clive Barker Oh, Drew.

25:29 Clive Barker I think you're just saying this.

25:32 Clive Barker Yes.

25:32 Drew No, I'm not, actually. I'm serious. I thought that to myself. Am I trying to prove something to somebody? No, no. It's me.

25:38 Clive Barker So can we talk about it?

25:40 Drew Seriously?

25:40 Clive Barker Yeah. Why do you feel as though the guy was being generous and making a gesture towards it? And isn't it okay that people just in general can extend that? Not just to a celebrity, but just generally?

25:54 Drew It's a mix for me of not feeling like I'm the one that's worth having that extended to, because I was wrong. I was just, I screwed up. And there are other people that probably need the break more, and why the hell should I get it? I don't feel right about it.

26:07 Clive Barker That seems fair. You should be punished.

26:10 Drew I am every night in here for two hours, for Christ's sake.

26:13 Adam Clive, you have a dungeon in your house, right?

26:15 Clive Barker I have a dungeon in my house.

26:18 Adam And you live pretty close to where we are right now, right?

26:20 Clive Barker Yeah. I can take her home and punish her.

26:24 Adam Little cat of nine tails.

26:26 Clive Barker Cat of ten tails.

26:28 Adam You ready?

26:29 Drew Yeah, that's right.

26:30 Clive Barker Oh, it's my husband.

26:32 Drew What was he calling?

26:33 Clive Barker Yeah, say what are you doing with Dr. Drew?

26:35 Drew Andrea, 24. Andrea or Andrea? Andrea?

26:40 Hi.

26:41 Clive Barker Hey.

26:41 Hello. Okay, no problem.

26:45 I think I have a great sex drive. As soon as I get into a relationship, right, as soon as I know there's a commitment or something, I don't know, this is what I'm guessing it is, my sex drive disappears. Like, I just have no interest. Not that I don't have any interest in the person.

27:00 Drew There's a lot of reasons that can happen. One is that you're sort of fearful of getting lost in the relationship, that you get sort of sucked in so deeply that you're going to be vulnerable in some way. Does that sound familiar?

27:12 Yeah, yeah.

27:14 Drew Another is, another thing that people do is that if they, if there's no quality of withholding, they're not aroused. So if this guy is completely available, if it's not being withheld, it's not fun. It's not arousing anymore.

27:27 Adam Yeah, but that's not a chick thing normally.

27:30 Drew Yeah.

27:31 Adam But women grow up knowing that guys are good to go.

27:34 Drew Yeah, but they need some, that's where a lot of that desire for the alpha male type comes in. They need that withholding quality to be, that negativity in order to be attracted.

27:44 Adam But is that, is the alpha male withholding quality? Yeah.

27:49 Drew Yeah, it's like, it's striking and leave.

27:52 Adam Well, that's not withholding sex. That's withholding love.

27:55 Drew Right. And this is now someone who's in, there she's going to commit a relationship, and now no arousal because it's not being withheld anymore.

28:01 Adam All right. Well, listen, I don't understand, Andrea, how you have a good sex drive.

28:06 Well, okay, like, let's put it this way. Well, before I really know that they're, you know, like if I have sex with somebody before I get in a relationship or whatever, before I actually know there's a relationship, like, I can have sex all the time with that person. But as soon as I know that there's a commitment there, it seems to disappear. At least that's what my best is, is that it's a commitment. I don't, I'm lost.

28:29 Drew I'm like, Just to cover all bases. First of all, I just want to cover all bases to make sure that when you're in a committed relationship, you don't change your sort of biochemistry by getting on the birth control pill, for instance.

28:39 Okay, well, see, that's the thing. Okay, I'm a lesbian, so I don't ever have to worry about getting pregnant.

28:46 Drew These are always with women, these relationships.

28:47 Adam Hold on a second. A chick can't knock another chick up? Really?

28:51 Drew No, those aren't real penises. The ones you see in the films.

28:53 Adam I was wondering, because it's like the chick is white and the penis is black, and I'm like, what the hell? There's that strap, I'm high, I'm sorry.

29:04 Clive Barker Your dreams have been destroyed, right?

29:07 Adam Yeah.

29:07 Clive Barker You were hoping to meet one of those women, right?

29:09 Adam Right, yeah.

29:10 Clive Barker You finally have the moment.

29:11 Adam Nice white woman, the best of all worlds. You got a woman with a penis, she's white, but the penis is black.

29:18 Drew You want the black penis for yourself. The thing is, you want a man with a vagina. Right.

29:23 Clive Barker No, you're right.

29:24 Adam I don't want a woman with a penis, I want a man with a vagina.

29:27 Drew Okay.

29:27 Clive Barker You want to be a lesbian.

29:29 Adam Yeah.

29:29 Drew No, he wants to be gay, and be gay male.

29:31 Adam I'd like to be gay. Really?

29:33 Clive Barker Yeah. Andrea, can we just break in a moment and ask Adam why he wants to be gay?

29:38 Adam Well, I like the lifestyle. I like the recycling. I like the dual income. The gays take care of the neighborhood. They recycle all the time. I mean, look at Santa Monica Boulevard. I drove down here on... I took Santa Monica all the way down. You could eat off of the street.

29:55 Drew It's beautiful. He likes hanging out with men, not with women.

29:58 Adam Right. I like men.

29:59 Clive Barker Right.

29:59 Adam Right.

30:00 Clive Barker So, the only thing that's stopping you is the sex.

30:02 Drew Is the penis. No, the penis.

30:03 Clive Barker Oh, the penis.

30:04 Adam Right. Right. Yeah, the sex. I can't get past that part. Yeah. But, you know, the whole lifestyle, like, you can have, like, you have separate rooms or you can, right?

30:16 Clive Barker No, no, no, no.

30:16 Adam But, GIO., go for that.

30:17 Clive Barker No, no, no.

30:18 Adam You go to that part of the house, Phil. I'm going to be over here.

30:21 Clive Barker Wait, wait, wait. That's not a real relationship. We have a, oh, I'm sorry, my apologies.

30:26 Drew Did you hear that?

30:27 Clive Barker My husband and I have a big double bed and it's a, is that working?

30:30 Drew That's better.

30:31 Clive Barker Yeah. I don't think that's a true relationship.

30:34 Drew That's the kind he wants, though. That's what Adam wants.

30:37 Adam He's not as needy as a woman, right?

30:41 Clive Barker Needy is good, isn't it? In a relationship, you want to be needed?

30:45 Adam Wanty is nice, needy is tough.

30:47 Clive Barker Okay. Wanty is good.

30:49 Adam I mean clingy. You know what I'm saying?

30:51 Clive Barker Okay. Maybe. But are all women clingy? I think that's a- Yeah. You could go, well, ironically, my mother is not clingy. Oh, really? No, she was never clingy. She just-

31:02 Drew Is that her mom that gave you the story about the male in the public restroom?

31:06 Clive Barker No, that was my father.

31:07 Drew Your father's mother.

31:08 Clive Barker My father's mother. But my mother's mother lived to 101. She was never clingy. She just wanted to have a life. I think that's terribly judgmental to say all women are clingy.

31:18 Adam All right.

31:19 Drew Adam judgmental? Clive. How dare you?

31:22 Adam Listen, I'm trying to compliment the gays by saying I enjoy that lifestyle. Hanging out with guys and recycling and doing work around the house.

31:32 Clive Barker What is this recycling?

31:33 Adam I don't have any literature to back it up, but I know gays recycle much more than any other group.

31:38 Drew Okay. Andrea.

31:39 Adam Born gay, the life is to live gay.

31:45 Drew What? I don't know. Andrea. Yeah. So, do you recall what I said at the opening of your call, that sometimes withholding is something people find arousing or getting into a relationship is scary because people sort of have a fantasy that they're going to get lost in it or become vulnerable. And that diminishes arousal. Right?

32:04 Yeah.

32:05 Drew And if you've had abandoning experiences in your childhood or at other times in your life, that can make being intimate very scary. And when you're scared and you're sort of feeling attentive, it makes it difficult to be aroused.

32:17 Adam Do you use a strap on?

32:19 Occasionally, yeah.

32:20 Adam Oh, really? Yeah. What's the point of being lesbian if you say, here, put this penis in.

32:25 I don't allow people to use it on me. I just use it on other people.

32:28 Adam I see. All right.

32:29 Drew Good times.

32:29 Adam Like on the bus. All right. We didn't help her, but let's keep on.

32:33 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

32:34 Clive Barker I thought she was nice.

32:35 Yeah.

32:36 Adam Jay?

32:37 Yeah.

32:38 Adam You're 15?

32:39 Caller Yes. Hi.

32:39 Adam What's up?

32:40 Caller First I want to say Adam and Drew, I'm a huge fan.

32:43 Drew Thanks, Jay. You're in our favorite city. We love Chicago.

32:47 Caller Yeah.

32:47 Clive Barker Chicago.

32:48 Caller You like Chicago?

32:49 Clive Barker Yeah, I was talking to Chicago last night. That's on a radio show last night in Chicago. It was snowing, they said.

32:54 Caller Oh my God.

32:54 Clive Barker Is it snowing with you?

32:56 Caller Is it snowing yet? Not yet.

32:58 Clive Barker They said it's going to, right?

32:59 Caller I think on Thursday.

33:00 Clive Barker Yeah. Wow.

33:02 Drew Oh my God. It's like what, 95 here? Please.

33:05 Adam Go ahead, Jay.

33:06 Caller Okay. Anyways, there was a kid that went to my school that died. In the paper, it said that he had a reaction from taking cold medicine and marijuana and that he stopped breathing. And I tried looking this up on the Internet, but I couldn't find a single thing on it.

33:26 Drew Yeah. That's probably a little inaccurate.

33:30 Adam I put Nyquil in a bong once.

33:32 Drew No. Good times. Yeah.

33:34 Adam That's sore throat. But I still want to get high, you know.

33:38 Drew Okay.

33:38 Caller So like, is this like a real concern?

33:42 Drew Well, marijuana, I know of no cases of death from marijuana of itself or in relation to other substances being used, really significantly contributing. I suppose it can contribute to seizure. And if you're doing drugs that like cocaine or speed or actually they could risk precipitate a seizure, it might add to that. Seizure can, secondarily, you can die of seizure.

34:03 Adam Jay, why, do you got a plan?

34:06 Caller Um, not really.

34:08 Adam Okay, so what do you care?

34:09 Drew I'm just curious because I think we're talking about stimulants here. I think the cold medicine was probably one of the several stimulants he was mixing together. That's what I would bet.

34:18 Adam Did you know this guy?

34:19 Caller Um, I didn't, but like my sister was pretty good friends with him.

34:24 Drew You have to take a lot of medicine to stop breathing. You can stop breathing from alcohol if you drink a ton real fast.

34:30 Clive Barker There's a lot of alcohol in those cold silks.

34:32 Drew Right, so that's one possibility. But usually people are using for the dextromethorphan and the other sort of elements in there that can cause...

34:41 Clive Barker Sorry, what was that? What is it?

34:42 Drew Dextromethorphan.

34:43 Adam Drew, what about doubling up on the pain medication and having a little red wine, you know, after a radio show, let's say? That's cool, right?

34:51 Drew Yeah, you can stop breathing.

34:52 Clive Barker You're doing some recycling, right?

34:53 Drew Yeah, and recycle.

34:54 Clive Barker Yeah, you could recycle it, huh?

34:56 Drew Maybe.

34:57 Clive Barker You could feel like a gay, you know?

34:58 Adam Name me a group that recycles more than gays. Name it.

35:02 Drew Are you talking about just gay males or gay females, too?

35:04 Adam No, gay females don't recycle. Gay males recycle.

35:08 Drew I see.

35:08 Adam That's my thought.

35:10 Clive Barker I don't think this is true.

35:12 Adam Yes.

35:12 Clive Barker I don't recycle, Ted. I don't recycle.

35:15 Drew You understand. Significantly. You're reacting to him generalizing, but just notice how the language rolls off the tongue. The gays. The gays. I don't like that. He'll talk about the blacks and the Mexicans. I don't like that. He's not racist, though. Make note. Not racist.

35:32 Adam What do I say? Gays or a-gays?

35:34 Drew Gay folks?

35:35 Adam Thinking gays? Gay people?

35:37 Clive Barker Gay guys?

35:38 Adam Gay folk.

35:39 Clive Barker The gays?

35:40 Adam I'm not sure about the blacks.

35:41 Clive Barker No.

35:42 Adam The gays, the blacks, the Mexicans?

35:44 Clive Barker No. I don't like that.

35:45 Adam Okay.

35:45 Clive Barker The gays sounds like some terrible sitcom. The gays.

35:52 Adam It would be great because there's a family called the gays, but they're a straight family, but there's always confusion.

35:58 Drew Antics ensue.

35:59 Adam The gays are coming to open house. Oh no.

36:04 Drew Get up my two dads.

36:06 Adam Drew, you want to, let's squeeze in one more call for it.

36:08 Drew Dwayne is 31. Dwayne, what's up?

36:10 Clive Barker Hey guys, how's it going?

36:11 Clive Barker Good.

36:13 Clive Barker I had a question for Clive.

36:14 Clive Barker Yes.

36:15 Clive Barker Hi, you are awesome, by the way.

36:17 Clive Barker Thank you, Dwayne.

36:18 Clive Barker You are my favorite author, actually. Thank you. I'm psyched to hear about the damnation game going to movies. I can't wait.

36:25 Clive Barker It's going to be a while, but I think it's going to be a cool movie.

36:27 Clive Barker I'll be there. I was also wondering, I'd heard about a year ago that Steve of Always was going to be put into a movie. Is that-

36:34 Clive Barker Yeah. Well, we've been trying that and it's gone into turn around at Universal, which means that the script is now available for anybody out there who wants to make the movie. But I'm hoping we're going to still get it set up at a major studio. I can't say too much, but still hoping it will happen. It's just, it's hell out there right now. There aren't a lot of movies being made right now. And it's very-

36:57 Adam Well, there's not a lot of horror movies or movies.

37:00 Clive Barker No, there aren't a lot of movies.

37:01 Drew Because of the hysterics thing, people can't decide which way is up.

37:05 Clive Barker It's very, you know, a lot of movies got turned around immediately after the events of September the 11th. People are very doubtful about what kind of movies to make. I don't think horror movies are really high on people's agenda right now.

37:19 Adam You know, I had, and Drew, you know, because I was on the painkillers, you told me, you talked about this before, but I had what I thought was an ingenious idea just the other day, which was, remember-

37:30 Drew Condom Loader again?

37:31 Adam No, no.

37:31 Drew No.

37:31 Adam Yakov Smirnov, the Russian comedian.

37:35 Drew Yeah, yeah.

37:35 Adam He was real big in the 80s.

37:36 Clive Barker Is this a real comedian?

37:38 Drew Yeah.

37:39 Adam Yakov Smirnov, he'd just get up there and tell really bad jokes that would beat up Russia during the Cold War.

37:45 Drew Yeah.

37:45 Adam And he made millions out here, millions. And now he has like a theater in Branson, Missouri.

37:50 Drew Now you need the Osama version.

37:52 Adam Right. Abu Kous Kous. And he gets up there and we do the exact same routine that Yakov did.

37:59 Drew With a different accent.

38:01 Adam Well, yeah, no job with the accent. But all we do is swap out Brezhnev and Bin Laden and we're there. You know, like Yakov was a horrible hack comedian who made millions because he had this whole thing where he would beat up Russians and Americans would pay millions to hear him talk.

38:17 Drew He'd get up there and he was a Russian guy, allegedly.

38:19 Clive Barker I never heard of this guy.

38:20 Adam You never heard of Yakov Smirnov? No?

38:23 Drew No audience?

38:24 Adam Yeah, Yakov. He did like commercials. He was huge in the later 80s.

38:29 Clive Barker Really?

38:30 Adam Mid 80s. He'd get up there and he'd do like really bad jokes. He'd go, in America, you can say whatever you want about Reagan. In Russia, it's the same way. We can say whatever we want about Reagan. Yeah, and I could have millions of dollars for this garbage material, but the audience would eat it up because we hated the Russians. So I'm just saying, if we get some sort of Afghani stand up, the Afghani stand up. Yeah, but his name is, what was his name?

39:06 Drew Abou-Kous-Kous, we got to go to bed. We got to go to bed.

39:09 All right?

39:09 Caller No, not all right.

39:11 Adam That's him. Clive Barker, our guest tonight, will be right back after this.

39:21 Caller Really?

39:54 Dr. Drew Pinsky, Dr. Drew Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla, that is Dr. Drew over there.

39:57 Adam We're at the Museum of Television and Radio. Clive Barker is our guest tonight. Clive is going to be down at Brentano's in Century City at 7 o'clock this Friday, signing his new book, right Clive?

40:10 Clive Barker Yep, Cold Hawk Canyon, my Hollywood ghost story.

40:14 Adam And you can meet Clive there, shake his hand in person. All right, Drew, got some calls lined up.

40:21 Drew This is, I think, Bill or Bell, 17.

40:25 Clive Barker Hello.

40:25 Drew Bill, hi.

40:26 Clive Barker Hi. Um, Adam?

40:28 Caller Yeah.

40:29 Clive Barker I love you.

40:30 Adam I'm into you, too. But, uh, I'm into just about everybody today.

40:35 Drew She's from Bakersfield, though, yeah.

40:36 Caller Uh-oh.

40:37 Adam We'd have to move you out of that dump.

40:41 Horrible.

40:43 Adam What kind of maniacs raise kids in Bakersfield?

40:46 Clive Barker My parents.

40:47 Yeah.

40:48 Adam All right. So what's wrong, baby?

40:50 Clive Barker Well, my boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago. I'm just, like, dying right now. And I was wondering, like, I don't know. I was going to marry this guy. I know it sounds stupid because I'm 17, but I really loved this guy. I don't know. It was, like, a long-distance relationship. But, um, we were together for a while. And everything, we even talked about marrying and, like...

41:13 Drew Would you read a book from... If I gave you a book, would you read it?

41:16 Clive Barker Um, maybe.

41:17 Drew No.

41:18 Clive Barker But, um...

41:19 Caller Maybe?

41:21 Clive Barker He broke up with me, and I was wondering what's the best... I know, I keep hearing different things, what to do, like, to get him back. And I was wondering, from your guy's point of view, what's the best way to, like, win a guy's heart back?

41:33 Drew Getting back is one of the worst plans of all time.

41:36 Clive Barker I know, but I can't help it.

41:39 Adam Well, why did he dump you?

41:40 Clive Barker I don't know. He, I don't know, he said his feelings changed. The thing is, like...

41:45 Drew He has another girl.

41:46 Clive Barker No, no, no, the thing is, um, like, he did, like, the first time we did it, you know?

41:52 Clive Barker Yeah.

41:52 Clive Barker Like, we've been together for a while, and we did it for the first time, and he started acting all weird. I don't know. I mean, he was all loving and stuff with After, but then he started acting with it, and...

42:02 Adam Where is he?

42:03 Clive Barker Yeah, well, how long distance was he?

42:05 Clive Barker He's in London.

42:07 Drew Oh, my God.

42:08 Clive Barker That's long distance.

42:09 Clive Barker Yeah.

42:10 Drew And how long has he been there for?

42:11 Huh?

42:12 Drew How long has he been there?

42:13 Clive Barker Um, for a while.

42:15 Drew Is he English? What makes you think he doesn't have another girlfriend?

42:18 Clive Barker I trust him.

42:20 Drew Oh, no.

42:20 Caller Val.

42:21 Adam First off, London and Bakersfield are virtually the same place. I don't know why he would feel the need to move. Number two, he's probably gay if he's...

42:30 Clive Barker He's English.

42:31 Adam He's English, right?

42:32 Clive Barker Yeah, yeah. A lot of gays in England.

42:34 No, he's not gay. Sure, the gays in England.

42:35 Adam The gays are all living in London.

42:37 Clive Barker The gays and the English.

42:39 Clive Barker Actually, a lot of people think he's gay. I don't know why.

42:41 Drew Who?

42:41 Adam Well, there you go.

42:43 He's not gay, though.

42:44 Adam Does he recycle?

42:45 Clive Barker No.

42:46 Drew What's he doing in London?

42:48 Clive Barker He has a job there for studying and he goes to conferences and...

42:54 Clive Barker Is he older than you are?

42:55 Clive Barker Huh?

42:55 Clive Barker He's a lot older than you are?

42:57 Clive Barker He's 21, too old.

43:00 Drew He has another girlfriend.

43:02 Clive Barker No, I really don't think he has a girlfriend. I'm pretty sure he doesn't.

43:06 Adam Okay, but the point is he was very plain with you by saying his feelings changed.

43:10 Clive Barker He wanted to marry me and he said he loved me and he used to write me poems and...

43:16 Adam He had an orgasm.

43:16 Clive Barker Oh, he wrote poems. Come on, he's gay.

43:19 Clive Barker He's not gay. No, no, no. He's not gay.

43:21 Adam He's probably writing a poem about recycling right now.

43:24 Clive Barker No.

43:24 Drew Then he had an orgasm and it was over, right? Is that what happened?

43:27 Clive Barker I don't know.

43:28 Adam He's like, what rhymes with vulcanized rubber?

43:33 Clive Barker He wants all this relationship and we had a really deep relationship. Then he said, his reasoning when he broke up with me is like, that I'm not ready for the relationship you want. Then he said something when he was on the phone. He wasn't sure how you felt and then he thought, I can't explain how I feel. I have to write it in a letter and I'll send it to you. He just sounded really upset and he was like, I have to go, I have to go.

43:59 Drew He just wanted to push you away and get it over with. That's it. He feels guilty, he feels bad, but it's over. You've got to accept what they are.

44:06 Adam Don't hang on to this.

44:07 Drew Do not.

44:08 Clive Barker Here's my verse though.

44:09 Drew Bell, it's normal to feel awful. Everyone has to go through this. Let's get through it.

44:14 Adam Yes. It's an important right of passage for everybody. I don't know why, but it is. So, let it go. You understand, Bell?

44:22 Drew Thank God he's in London. You can't get at him. Thank God.

44:25 Adam Yeah. Listen, one day, God willing, you'll be living in a double-wide in Bakersfield on some salt flat with 15 kids and an out-of-work husband, and you'll be laughing.

44:37 Clive Barker And he'll come over with his boyfriend and we'll have a party together.

44:40 Adam He'll pull up in his Bentley and he's a chauffeur, a roll out of red carpet, and him and his male entourage will come out. What's that, Drew?

44:48 Drew Sean, 23.

44:49 Adam Sean?

44:50 Caller Yeah, I was going to ask.

44:51 Adam Yeah, what's up?

44:53 Caller Hey, this question is actually for Clive Barker.

44:56 Clive Barker Hey there, Sean. How are you?

44:57 Caller I'm doing all right.

44:58 Clive Barker Good.

44:59 Caller Hey, my question is actually, how do you feel about the horror movies that are coming out today?

45:07 Clive Barker Not too good. Not too good. I was saying a little while ago that I like my horror movie series. And there's been a lot of tongue in cheek stuff recently. There's actually a cool movie out right now called From Hell.

45:22 Clive Barker Yeah, is that good?

45:23 Clive Barker I thought it was a really good movie, yeah.

45:25 Drew It's about Jack the Ripper?

45:26 Clive Barker Yeah. And Johnny Depp's in it and I thought he was great. I really like the movie. And it was pretty bloody and scary.

45:35 Adam What about the English accents? Were you okay with that?

45:37 Clive Barker Very good. Very, very good.

45:40 Drew Did Heather Graham do an English accent?

45:41 Clive Barker She put on a good English accent, I thought, yeah. And the picture felt kind of real. It was kind of gritty. And I don't know much about the Jack the Ripper murders, but the little bit I knew, it seemed like they were really trying for something. I thought it was a pretty good movie. But it was very serious. I liked that stuff. And actually, you'll like this in your present state because Depp plays this detective who is an opium fiend. Oh, interesting. And that's actually a really interesting take on it. And he has these Lordenum visions. We take Lordenum and Absinthe as well.

46:17 Drew Yeah.

46:17 Clive Barker And he has these visions of the murders. I think it's a pretty cool movie.

46:22 Adam You know, don't you hate, I hate the fact that him and Brad Pitt are great actors. You know, these pretty boys.

46:27 Drew And he's a musician too.

46:29 Adam I just want to kick him in the nuts.

46:30 Drew Too much.

46:31 Adam Yeah. I hate that. I hate when really good looking guys are really talented and versatile.

46:36 Drew Doesn't seem fair.

46:37 Adam No, that's not right.

46:38 Clive Barker No, he's very talented.

46:39 Drew He's misplanned. It's all right. Don't worry.

46:40 Adam You know what I was thinking?

46:42 Drew Miserable.

46:42 Clive Barker Oh, he's no use.

46:44 Adam I was watching TV. I was real high today watching TV and drugs. And I thought, if I was a chick, I'd have a huge ass and a flat chest. That's what I thought. Is that horrible thinking? I don't know. I don't know why.

46:58 Drew We got a break.

46:58 Adam That's a little self-esteem.

46:59 Drew We're at the Museum of Radio and Television. Clive Barker is our guest.

47:03 Adam We'll be back after this.

47:05 Clive Barker All right, guys.

47:06 Caller Here's the deal.

47:07 You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:10 One call is all you need to make.

47:11 Clive Barker Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

47:15 Call the Dateline. Loveline, I'll be right back.

47:56 Clive Barker Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

47:58 Adam I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. We're at the Museum of Television and Radio doing our show tonight. Got it right. Oh, I'm reading it. You kidding? Clive Barker is our guest tonight. He's gonna be at Brentano's in Century City. He's gonna be signing his book on Friday at seven o'clock. That's October 26th. Cold Heart Canyon is the name of the book. It's a book that Clive spoke about when he was on the show just a few months back and is now out or will be out.

48:29 Clive Barker No, it's actually out. It's been out about a week, week and a half.

48:32 Drew Given that, now, before we, when we last talked to you, when we last had you on the show, it was before September 11th.

48:36 Clive Barker Yes.

48:37 Drew And given that you've only been in this country for nine, ten years.

48:39 Clive Barker Yes.

48:40 Drew What are your perceptions on all this?

48:41 Clive Barker I think they're pretty universal, aren't they? I mean, I called my mom the day after and she was sitting in Liverpool in tears, you know. This is a human response. It's not an American response or an English response. It's an appalling, it was an appalling sight. It's an appalling thing to keep living with, don't you think? Turning on the news and there it is and the images and the images of loss, those images of the flyers on the wall. I found...

49:06 Drew Have you gone to New York and seen that?

49:08 Clive Barker No, I haven't.

49:08 Drew It's extremely moving.

49:10 Clive Barker Man, I mean...

49:10 Adam Yeah, I've seen it too.

49:12 Clive Barker Just the film of it. Overwhelming, overwhelming. And I think, you know, I'm really proud of this country right now. I mean, I feel like I want to be an American. I want to become a part of this community in a more solid way. So I'm going to, you know, not be a resident alien very soon and become a... A citizen. A citizen. And I think that that's being pushed towards a... That decision has been pushed forward by what happened on September 1st.

49:44 Adam And what's involved with that?

49:45 Clive Barker A lot, actually. You need to answer a lot of questions about the country. You need to, you know, go down to the court and raise your hand and swear yourself in. And I think that's cool.

49:55 Drew You have to apply for it, too, right?

49:56 Clive Barker You have to apply for it. It actually takes, I think, a couple of years to actually do. But I want to be an American.

50:03 Adam Why are you, hasn't your visa run out? I mean, shouldn't you be getting out of here by now? Nine years.

50:09 Clive Barker I pay too many taxes.

50:10 Adam Oh, really?

50:11 Clive Barker Yeah, they keep me here.

50:12 Adam Yeah, they love you.

50:13 Clive Barker They love me.

50:13 Adam You got no kids using up the schools.

50:16 Drew Recycling.

50:16 Clive Barker Well, I actually do. My husband has a kid, so we have a kid.

50:19 Drew We met her last time.

50:20 Adam Yeah, in the car.

50:20 Drew Wonderful.

50:21 Adam Yeah, but she's going to private school, right?

50:22 Clive Barker No, she is not. She's going, I'm not going to talk about my child's schooling right now.

50:25 Adam Going to public school?

50:26 Clive Barker I'm not going to talk about a child's schooling.

50:27 Adam Yeah, private school.

50:28 Clive Barker No.

50:28 Drew Okay, Vinnie is 14. Vinnie?

50:31 Caller Yeah?

50:32 Drew Hey there.

50:33 Caller Hey. See, my dad drinks a lot and I wanted to know how I can talk to him about it.

50:41 Drew Does he get kind of irritable and angry if you try to bring it up?

50:45 Caller Yeah, like he'll bring home a pint of liquor every night and a 12K beer.

50:52 Drew Is there anyone else you can sort of enlist in your task here? Is it mom or do you have any siblings?

50:57 Caller No, it's just my dad.

50:58 Drew Just your dad and you?

51:00 Caller Yeah.

51:01 Adam You're just living alone with your dad? Yeah.

51:04 Caller Wow.

51:05 Adam How'd that work?

51:07 Caller Well, the thing is, when I was four, my dad left and I lived with my mom and then I came down here to live with my dad.

51:16 Adam Your mom must be a real piece of work if the alcoholic parent got the...

51:21 Drew The preferable, yeah.

51:22 Adam Yeah. Is your mom a piece of work?

51:26 Yeah.

51:28 Drew Yeah. Vinnie, you can't change your dad. You certainly can put him on notice that his alcoholism is affecting you badly. The best thing you can do for yourself, believe it or not, there's two things. One is you can take care of your own stuff. You can really spend time out of the home, stay away from him, focus on school, take care of yourself properly. Secondly, you can go to something called Allateen, which is actually an organization that, if you do, might get his attention in a way that would cause him to make some changes. In my experience, involvement in these codependency recovery programs have about the highest probability of anything, of getting an alcoholic to begin wanting to change.

52:05 Adam You think he would freak out if he knew you were going to Allateen meetings, Vinnie?

52:10 Caller Probably.

52:11 Drew Well, that's too damn bad. That's his problem. You know what I'm saying?

52:13 Adam That's his problem until he strangles him with his rope belt.

52:17 Clive Barker Is he violent, Vinnie?

52:19 Caller Um, sometimes, yeah.

52:21 Clive Barker So you gotta watch that.

52:22 Drew I mean, you gotta get out of there whenever he's like that. This is not something you have to put up with.

52:26 Caller See, I try to stay out of the house, but see, he'll make any little thing that I do into a big deal and ground me a lot.

52:36 Adam Yeah. Hey, Vinnie?

52:38 Caller Yeah.

52:39 Adam Here's the good news. Well, the bad news is your dad's a A-Hall. The good news is in a year or so, you'll have your own life. You'll be spending time at school. Well, I don't mean you're moving out, but you can essentially, by 15, I was out of the house all the time at 15. You hang out with your friends, you play sports after school, you do all that extracurricular activity crap, and you just get out of there. Home is a place where you keep your clothes and you go to sleep and you leave the next morning. It's like living at the Y.

53:11 Drew You have your popcorn can you crap into.

53:13 Adam Oh, Drew, what was that? It was a decorative tin of popcorn. I was locked out of the house.

53:19 Clive Barker You had decorative popcorn?

53:21 Drew No, it was. Those Christmas tins that they sent around the big pop play. He is gay. No, no, no. No gay male would ever.

53:27 Clive Barker Oh, okay.

53:27 Drew They wouldn't do this. Those tins that you send around, this was his Lou, as it were.

53:36 Clive Barker His what?

53:38 Adam I was not skipping to it either, by the way.

53:40 Clive Barker You are kidding me.

53:42 Drew This is what he would crap into. Yes, no. Wait, wait, wait. It's okay. He'd dump it once every three weeks or so.

53:47 Clive Barker Wait, wait, wait. I'm sitting opposite a man who crapped in a popcorn can.

53:53 Adam Well, if you want to put it that way. Decorative popcorn can, but yes.

53:57 Clive Barker That changes everything.

53:58 Adam Well, it had a nice snap lid on it. It was a metal tin.

54:01 Clive Barker Oh, okay, so it could keep the smell down.

54:02 Adam It wasn't, you see, everyone understand. It's not like there was, to the right is the popcorn can, to the left is Zsa Zsa Gabor's toilet. To the left is a slab of concrete. I was exiled from the house. I was living in the garage.

54:19 Clive Barker Oh, okay.

54:20 Adam We didn't have plumbing in the garage. I had to shower with the hose.

54:25 Clive Barker Why was he exiled? I want to know this.

54:27 Adam Why was he exiled? Because my stepmom was evil and my dad was a pussy. And dad, if you're listening, you know you're a puss. He just sat there. He was spineless. And she didn't want me in the house, so I was living. I was like 18. It was time to get out. So I got out.

54:43 Clive Barker And she knew you had the popcorn thing going?

54:46 Adam Uh, I'm not so sure she knew about that. I didn't want her to find out.

54:50 Drew That's how they clean the cat box.

54:51 Adam And I didn't want my uncle Vince to find out because he was the one who gave me the decorative tin for Christmas. And I'm sure that I'm sure that was not part of the plan for him. I'm sure he didn't say to my aunt, you know, well, when he's done with the cheesy corn, he can go ahead and take an ass in it. Yeah, it was bad times. Well, look at me now.

55:10 Drew Yeah, you're literally, literally a millionaire.

55:13 Caller That's good.

55:13 Clive Barker Transformed.

55:14 Caller Yeah.

55:17 Adam Nicky, I don't know, Nicky.

55:20 Clive Barker Sounded like weeping.

55:22 Adam I think Nicky hung up.

55:22 Clive Barker I think it was your father.

55:24 Caller Wow.

55:25 Adam The puss.

55:27 Drew Check on that line, see what that was.

55:29 Clive Barker It did sound like somebody. Yeah.

55:31 Drew Amber?

55:32 Clive Barker Yeah.

55:33 Drew Seventeen, what's up?

55:34 Caller Huh?

55:36 Adam You got a question, Amber?

55:37 Clive Barker Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I just moved out of my mom's house, like, three months ago, and I moved in with my boyfriend, and her and him don't get along at all. She thinks he's, like, way too controlling.

55:52 Drew How old is he?

55:53 Clive Barker He's almost 19.

55:56 Drew And what is it that she specifically doesn't like? Give us an example of something he did that she didn't like.

56:00 Clive Barker Well, like, I cut, like, when he's, like, at work right now, and when he's at work, I, like, stay home, and she thinks that it's just because of him that I stay home, which, I mean, he doesn't like me to go out with my friends a lot.

56:17 Adam Okay, well, wait a second. You're living at his place, right?

56:21 Clive Barker Yeah.

56:22 Adam And why did you move out of your place?

56:24 Clive Barker Because me and my mom don't get along that well. When we live together, we just...

56:30 Adam Where's your dad?

56:31 Clive Barker My dad? I don't know where he's at.

56:33 Adam Okay. And so is your mom, is she a good woman? Is she a hardworking woman?

56:39 Clive Barker Yeah. I mean, she has my little brother. He's four and, I mean, she's a single mom.

56:45 She's really good.

56:46 Clive Barker I mean...

56:47 Adam Okay. And is she all wrong about this guy?

56:52 Clive Barker Well, not all wrong, but I mean...

56:54 Drew There's got to be something altogether different on my mom's mind than he's just preventing from going out at night. There's something substantially wrong with her. She has some heavy feelings about this guy.

57:05 Clive Barker Yeah. All right.

57:06 What are they?

57:08 Clive Barker She just thinks that he's acting more like my dad than my boyfriend.

57:12 Drew Amber, that's not obvious.

57:15 Adam If we were speaking to her, what would she say? It wouldn't be that he's out at work at 11.15 and she's at home.

57:23 Drew Yeah. That would not be what she would tell us.

57:24 Adam What would she tell us?

57:26 Clive Barker She would say that she, that Amber has to check in with him all the time.

57:30 Drew Would she talk about how he looks or what he does for living or does he do drugs or alcohol? Are there these kinds of concerns?

57:36 Clive Barker He doesn't do any drugs or alcohol. I don't and he, I mean, everything is fine. I mean, it's like perfect.

57:42 Adam What does he do for a living?

57:44 What does he do?

57:45 Clive Barker Yeah.

57:46 He works security.

57:47 Adam Oh, bad times. And does he have like a three-story mullet or something?

57:53 Clive Barker No.

57:53 Adam Does he got a bad hairdo?

57:55 Clive Barker No.

57:55 Adam What's up? Tell me what kind of hair he has. Because I'll tell you, if I was a judge, I would just focus on the hair.

58:02 Clive Barker He like, it's like a short buzz cut.

58:06 Adam All right. And he's never hit you?

58:09 No.

58:10 Adam He's good to you?

58:12 Clive Barker What?

58:12 Adam He's good to you?

58:13 Yeah.

58:14 Adam All right. Well, then you just stay with him and your mom will come around.

58:17 Drew Yeah. I don't know what the problem is.

58:19 But what if she does it? I mean, I want to...

58:21 Adam Well, who cares? What's she gonna do? I mean, you're living with him, right?

58:25 Caller Yeah.

58:26 Drew That's what she doesn't like. Wait, that's what she doesn't like, Amber. She doesn't like that her 17-year-old daughter has moved in with him. What?

58:34 She didn't like him when I didn't live with him.

58:35 Drew Well, maybe she saw the direction this was all going. She didn't like the sort of intensity of this relationship for you at your age, perhaps. You're going to have to ask her precisely what really is going on with her because whatever it may be, well, maybe it's something that's really genuine and you could learn from and help get some guidance based on her feelings. But what all you've got now is smoke and nothing, BS.

58:59 Adam All right. You really helped there, Drew. You got nothing.

59:01 Clive Barker Well, you didn't ask whether she loved him.

59:04 Drew Yeah, she said I loved him. They all love him. Yeah, I guarantee they'll say that.

59:08 Adam Oh, okay. Oh, you want to bet on it?

59:09 Clive Barker No, you guys do this every night.

59:12 Drew I'm sure you're right.

59:13 Adam I'm sure.

59:14 Amber?

59:16 Drew Amber?

59:16 Clive Barker She's gone. He told us to get off the line.

59:19 Drew Amber?

59:19 Adam All right. Here's the deal. Oh, who cares? Go ahead. I'm done helping.

59:26 Drew Dank is 20.

59:27 Caller Dank?

59:28 Drew What's that, dude?

59:29 Caller Not much, man. I actually had a kind of an interesting question for y'all. I've been kind of seeing this girl for a little while, and we were out drinking some beers the other night. I actually started to kind of get freaky.

59:42 Drew I'm shocked that they think so.

59:44 Caller It happens. But anyway, what we were doing, she kept kind of grabbing her hair, twirling around, and going like, no, no, no, no, kind of repeating it over and over again. So I kind of stopped. What the hell is going on here? And she'd be like, no, no, no, don't stop, don't stop. Keep going, keep going. So I keep going. And she'd keep doing it. Like she just kept like kind of, I don't know, putting her head back and saying, no, no, no, no, she kept like kind of just doing it over and over and over again. I couldn't figure out what the hell was up with it. Like she didn't even seem to know what was going on. And I mean, I thought it was an isolated incident. So I just, you know, I kind of forgot about it. And then next, I don't know, a couple of days, more or less same thing happens, and she keeps doing it. So it seems to me like it's some kind of track record. Like something might have happened to her. I was just wondering if you guys had any decent idea of what was going on.

1:00:35 Drew Did you ask her?

1:00:37 No, I mean, I don't know.

1:00:38 Caller It just didn't seem like the thing to do. Like hey baby, why you...

1:00:42 Drew Let me interrupt. What the balloon over his head is. She might stop having sex with me if I bring this up.

1:00:46 Adam Yeah, that's not to talk.

1:00:47 Drew Yeah, just saying. Still going with that. Yeah, of course, thanks.

1:00:51 Caller More or less, man. But I think you guys might have an interesting idea.

1:00:54 Adam You say she was pulling her hair?

1:00:56 Caller Yeah, she was kind of like pulling her hair to the side. I mean...

1:00:59 Drew Twirling her hair?

1:01:00 Clive Barker Did she look like she was having a good time? Well, yeah, yeah. Did she look, yeah?

1:01:03 Caller Every time she'd be like, no, no, that was great. Yeah, keep going.

1:01:06 Clive Barker So at the end of it, she's comfortable, she's not being hurt in any way.

1:01:10 Caller Yeah, exactly, exactly. Like, I honestly thought I was like hurting her or something, so I just completely stopped, and she kind of like, you know, gathered...

1:01:17 Clive Barker Maybe she's playing out some kind of fantasy. I mean, once in a while, you know, I mean...

1:01:23 Adam Was she on top of you?

1:01:24 Caller No, I was on top.

1:01:28 Caller I can't...

1:01:29 Adam I'm having confusion with the hair falling apart.

1:01:32 Caller I mean, the head goes back.

1:01:34 Adam Now, I know you don't understand it either, but we don't understand it even further because we don't understand what you're saying. You're on top of her.

1:01:42 Caller Right.

1:01:43 Adam And she's on her back.

1:01:45 Caller Right.

1:01:45 Adam And she's pulling her hair to one side.

1:01:48 Caller No, both sides. She's like pulling it both ways. Whoa. Moving your hands. Two hands.

1:01:52 Adam Two hands like pippy long stocking.

1:01:54 Caller Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like coming, you know, just like grabbing handfuls of hair, like pulling it side to side and saying, no, no, no, no, no.

1:02:02 Clive Barker I think she's just having a good time. I think it's playful. I think it's play. I think there's nothing wrong with play. If she's having a good, can I say this? If she's having a good time and she's not being hurt by the experience, you know, pull your own hair.

1:02:15 Caller Yeah.

1:02:16 Clive Barker What's wrong? You know?

1:02:17 Drew But you think if you...

1:02:18 Clive Barker Match her.

1:02:19 Caller Match her.

1:02:19 Adam I agree. Let her relive the rape of... 20 years ago at her father's hands. Mazel Tov. I agree with Clive.

1:02:26 Caller That's a long line. I was thinking, I mean...

1:02:28 Clive Barker If she's having a good time, what's the deal?

1:02:30 Drew Let's put it this way. There's nothing characteristic about that behavior that we can share with you that will sort of crack the code of what's going on here. The only way you're going to find out is when you ask her.

1:02:40 Oof. All right.

1:02:41 Drew I know. It risks, of course, the sex of perhaps being interrupted.

1:02:45 Clive Barker Or maybe getting better. I don't know.

1:02:46 Adam That's right. No, no, no. Drew, are you manning this thing?

1:02:51 Drew Yeah, I didn't know you were down there.

1:02:52 Clive Barker That was a moment. That's an image, isn't it?

1:02:55 Adam Yeah. The push me, pull me thing with the hair. I think he's scared that if he opens Pandora's box, he's going to get more information than he wants.

1:03:08 Drew That's right.

1:03:09 Clive Barker Some other box is going to get closed.

1:03:11 Drew She was quite literally. Sean, 29.

1:03:13 Clive Barker Hey Adam, I'm Drew. How are you doing?

1:03:15 Adam Hey, say hi to Clive Barker too.

1:03:17 Clive Barker Hey Clive.

1:03:17 Clive Barker Hey man, how are you doing?

1:03:19 Clive Barker I'm good. How are you?

1:03:20 Clive Barker Good. Thank you. Good.

1:03:21 Clive Barker I actually called to talk to you. Oh. First, can I say something real quick? Of course.

1:03:29 Clive Barker It's not my show, but go to it.

1:03:31 Clive Barker Well, I was asking Adam. I wanted his permission. But to all you Loveliners.

1:03:35 Adam Listen, all you idiots.

1:03:36 Clive Barker That know how to read.

1:03:38 Adam Yeah.

1:03:39 Clive Barker I just wanted to say that Clive is the true king of horror.

1:03:43 Clive Barker Well, thank you, sir.

1:03:44 Clive Barker And I was curious.

1:03:46 Adam By the way, you just spoke to about 8 percent of our audience.

1:03:49 Clive Barker Well, the 8 percent that know how to read, yeah. Right.

1:03:51 Clive Barker Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But the very smart 8 percent.

1:03:55 Clive Barker Yeah.

1:03:55 Clive Barker A very influential 8 percent, right?

1:03:57 Adam Oh, seventh grade level.

1:03:58 Clive Barker Stop that. Go to it. What?

1:04:01 Clive Barker Well, I was just curious if you are still writing plays, and if you were, how does somebody go about checking one out?

1:04:09 Clive Barker Well, we've got two books of plays out there, one called Forms of Heaven, another one called, damn, what's the other one called? Incarnations. I forgot my own title there. You can actually get the plays performed. If you want to perform one, is that the deal or you're just wondering how to read them?

1:04:30 Clive Barker I'd be in the audience watching one.

1:04:32 Clive Barker Well, we actually have productions going on right around the country all the time. If you go on to clivebarker.com, you'll find out where they are at any given time. Where are you? Where are you located?

1:04:43 Clive Barker I'm in Arizona, Phoenix.

1:04:45 Clive Barker Well, there are productions out there for sure. Why not mount your own though? I mean, you know, just get to the plays and do them yourself. It costs a dollar to do it. I give the rights out for a dollar and people do them. Really? Yeah. We got productions going in Paris and Sweden and Germany. It's cool.

1:05:03 Adam Why a dollar?

1:05:04 Clive Barker It's just a nominal sum and then I just want people to just go out and have the freedom to do the plays. I just don't want to make money from it. I just want people to have the fun of doing them.

1:05:13 Adam It's funny. You sound better saying charging a dollar than you would be doing it for free.

1:05:17 Clive Barker Well, legally for some reason you can't do it for free. There's a reason why it's a contract. If you actually have the passing of a dollar. So it's a nominal sum and then people just go and do them. We've got actually one of the plays being turned into an opera right now in Paris. It's going to be fun.

1:05:33 Adam Pinhead the Opera?

1:05:35 Clive Barker Why not? Why not?

1:05:38 Adam My head hurts.

1:05:39 Drew Pinhead the Musical.

1:05:40 Adam Yes, I'm sorry.

1:05:41 Clive Barker Where's Andrew Lloyd Webber when you need him?

1:05:44 Adam You really could do something. Someone should do it. I mean, the Phantom of the Opera is the only one. Is there something like a horror opera or a horror musical?

1:05:53 Clive Barker I'm not very up on operas, but aren't there some operas which are kind of scary? No?

1:05:57 Drew Yeah, there are a lot of violent, scary, and awful. Violent.

1:06:00 Clive Barker Horrible things happen to people.

1:06:02 Drew It's all about Italy in the 15th century and all the murder.

1:06:06 Clive Barker There's murder, poisonings, and people killing each other's kids.

1:06:10 Adam A 400 pound chick in a viking helmet, that's pretty scary.

1:06:12 Clive Barker Yeah, that's my image of opera right there.

1:06:15 Alright, Drew, you got one more before we go to break?

1:06:17 Drew No, we're going to break now.

1:06:18 Oh, we are?

1:06:18 Drew That's what Ann says.

1:06:19 Adam Alright, we'll do that. Clive Barker is our guest. We're here at the Museum of Television and Radio, and we'll be right back. Hey, everybody, I'm Adam Corolla, that's Dr. Drew, this is Loveline, Tony Hawk coming in tomorrow night. Yes, the great Tony Hawk.

1:07:07 Drew How come we didn't have any system of the down music tonight? I don't know.

1:07:11 Adam All right, well, we'll hear it later on. The night is still young, Drew. We're at the Museum of Television and Radio. There we go.

1:07:17 Clive Barker There it goes.

1:07:18 Adam Yeah, Clive Barker is our guest. Clive, you can find at Brantano's in Century City. That's one of those places where the books are kept, but not the one where they lend them to you, right, Drew?

1:07:31 Drew Where you buy them.

1:07:32 Clive Barker You have to buy them.

1:07:33 Adam What is that one called where they hand them to you?

1:07:35 Drew Library.

1:07:36 Adam What's that?

1:07:36 Drew Library.

1:07:37 Adam And again, no book.

1:07:39 Drew No, you don't buy them. No, they give them to you for a short period of time.

1:07:41 Adam I know what I'm saying. It's so confusing. Why not put the name Book in Book Lender or something? You know? All right. Anyway, I remember people talking about that play one more time. Library. Library. When I was in grammar school. No, I think it was the further one. The school, the one school. Yeah, I think no, no, the one between the first one and the last one. Junior high school.

1:08:05 That library.

1:08:07 Adam Right.

1:08:07 Library.

1:08:08 Adam Library. People used to go there. I remember it to do. I don't know what went on. I didn't even know where it was. And I really I'm serious about that. And I think that means you're a bad student when you, when you go to school for three years and it's not that big a school. And then you think back on where the library was and you realize you don't know where it was. Yeah.

1:08:26 Drew But you know where the ceramic kiln was.

1:08:29 Adam Yeah. I knew where the potter's wheel was. I would say ceramics major, Clive.

1:08:33 Clive Barker Well, that's okay.

1:08:34 Adam Yeah.

1:08:35 Drew No, it isn't.

1:08:36 Clive Barker No, that's fine.

1:08:36 Drew Oh, you probably get it right.

1:08:37 Clive Barker He's probably gay. Come on, ceramics. Come on.

1:08:39 Adam Gays love ceramics, right?

1:08:40 Clive Barker The gays love ceramics. I'm going to get them on a T-shirt.

1:08:47 Adam You would not find an argument from anybody who read it.

1:08:51 Clive Barker No.

1:08:51 Adam You can't argue.

1:08:52 Clive Barker I'm going to go into rage with a T-shirt that reads, the gays love ceramics.

1:08:57 Adam They love ceramics if there was only a recycling of clay. All right. Drew, where were we?

1:09:03 Drew We're talking to Vanessa. She's 16.

1:09:04 Adam All right.

1:09:04 Drew Vanessa.

1:09:05 Hi.

1:09:06 Drew Hey.

1:09:07 Hello.

1:09:08 Drew This is where you talk. I don't know why people are starting to talk.

1:09:10 Adam Hold on a second, Drew.

1:09:12 Drew Yeah.

1:09:12 Adam Let me just say this. Whenever we do one of these remotes, it's always a little touch and go to say the least. But it's always compounded by the stupidity of our collars. We haven't had one of these nights in a long time. It's not even a technical thing. It's more like the rhythm. You think you're screwing up, we'll punish you just a little bit extra. That's what we got.

1:09:33 Clive Barker Hello, Vanessa.

1:09:35 Adam Hi, baby.

1:09:36 Hi. Yeah, I had a question. I'm 16. About a few months ago, I had sex. It was for the first time. I didn't bleed and I didn't cry or anything. So I went to the doctors to get on birth control. They have to examine you and stuff. So the lady, she used one of those things that go inside. I don't know what they're called.

1:09:59 Drew Speculums.

1:10:00 Oh, a speculum. It hurt. So she moved to the smallest one that they have. It still really, really hurt. So she's like, are you sure you've had an intercourse before? I'm like, well, yeah. Then because I think I know. She's like, well, you seem to me like you're still a virgin. Did you bleed? I'm like, no. She's like, did you cry? I'm like, no.

1:10:21 Adam So like you really work in the crying angle here.

1:10:24 Drew Did you bleed? Did you cry? I've never asked a patient that before.

1:10:27 Clive Barker Medi-evil.

1:10:28 Adam Yeah. I mean, they cry when Drew slaps the bill on them, but normally that's the only tears that are shed. She really asked you if you cried?

1:10:37 Well, well, no, because I told her that I didn't. So I mean, that's how I was like.

1:10:42 Drew She kept pushing. I didn't cry on the doctor.

1:10:44 Well, she kept on.

1:10:45 Drew I didn't cry. I didn't cry. I don't know. I didn't cry.

1:10:47 Because, like, she kept on saying, like, are you sure you had it? Are you sure you had it?

1:10:50 Clive Barker You're going to say, did your boyfriend have a very small penis? That's what you're going to say, right?

1:10:53 Adam No, I was going to say, did your boyfriend give you a lollipop for being such a brave soldier? Thanks, Glenn.

1:11:04 Drew Nice having a good audience, isn't it?

1:11:05 Adam The gays love lollipop humor.

1:11:08 Clive Barker The gays love lollipops, full stop.

1:11:09 Adam The pottery and lollipop humor.

1:11:12 Clive Barker The ceramics and lollipops.

1:11:14 Drew So, Vanessa, how could it be that you didn't have intercourse? It's not the case, right?

1:11:19 Well, I mean, I know I did.

1:11:21 Drew All right.

1:11:21 So that's it.

1:11:22 Drew So you had intercourse and you were having some, maybe some spasm or you were nervous when you were at the doctor.

1:11:27 Adam Maybe her hymen wasn't ruptured fully by the intercourse. The doctor was saying you have a hymen?

1:11:36 I don't remember any of that.

1:11:37 Drew Was this a doctor you were seeing?

1:11:39 Yeah. I went to the doctor to get breath control.

1:11:41 Drew I was a gynecologist.

1:11:42 Yeah, a gynecologist.

1:11:43 Adam Do you know what a hymen is?

1:11:44 No.

1:11:45 Drew Oh, boy.

1:11:46 Adam You think it's a Jew, right?

1:11:48 A what?

1:11:50 Adam Do you think it's a derogatory term for a Jewish person?

1:11:54 Is it?

1:11:55 Adam A hymen? Hold on. You're a 16-year-old girl. You don't know what a hymen is?

1:11:59 No.

1:12:00 Adam You know what a cherry is?

1:12:01 Yeah.

1:12:02 Drew That's what a hymen is.

1:12:03 Yeah. Okay.

1:12:05 Adam Hey, Vanessa?

1:12:06 Yeah?

1:12:07 Adam I want you to drop out of school right now. It's not working. It's just not taking.

1:12:12 They don't teach me that. I never heard of hymen.

1:12:14 Adam Believe me, it's been brought up. It's just your Teflon. It's all that knowledge slides right off you. You start working, baby. You hear me?

1:12:22 Yeah.

1:12:22 Caller Okay.

1:12:23 Adam And listen, use protection, okay? Yeah.

1:12:25 Drew What did you do for protection? Because you are not a virgin, okay?

1:12:28 Well, that time I used a condom, but now I'm on birth control, so I figure...

1:12:31 Caller All right. Good.

1:12:32 Yeah.

1:12:32 Drew All right.

1:12:33 All right.

1:12:33 Drew Take care. All right.

1:12:34 Adam Take care of yourself. What percentage of 16-year-old girls don't know what a Heimann is?

1:12:40 Drew You know, we get that not uncommonly here that the cherry is the term that they comprehend. That was actually very shrewd on your part.

1:12:47 Clive Barker Isn't that okay? I mean, who uses the technical terms anyway?

1:12:51 Drew Everybody.

1:12:52 Clive Barker Really?

1:12:53 Drew No.

1:12:53 Clive Barker They're all saying Heimann? I don't know.

1:12:55 Drew I think yeah, cherry is the one.

1:12:57 Clive Barker Yeah, I think that's right.

1:12:58 Drew Debbie.

1:12:59 Yes.

1:13:00 Drew Okay.

1:13:01 Clive Barker That was a good, solid yes.

1:13:03 Drew Let's see if we can follow through. What's up?

1:13:06 Okay. Oftentimes, not every time, but when I'm having sex, I have a discomforting pain and I have to stop having sex and it's very, it's like a cramping type pain.

1:13:22 Drew Like a period pain?

1:13:25 Way more intense than that.

1:13:27 Drew So it's a deep visceral pain, right?

1:13:29 Yes, very deep pain.

1:13:31 Drew Have you had a pelvic exam recently?

1:13:33 Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely.

1:13:35 Drew Of course. And do they see anything?

1:13:37 Oh, no, I'm totally good like that.

1:13:40 Drew Well, the common kinds of things that cause this are infection, there are going to be infections in the uterus, infection in the tubes, ovarian cyst, endometriosis.

1:13:49 Adam Well, wouldn't you feel that pain without the sex? Why does the sex bring that on if you have an infection?

1:13:55 No, I'm good like that.

1:13:56 Drew Obvious reason. Hold on, shut up. If you had a little cyst on your hand and you pushed on it, it would hurt.

1:14:01 Adam Hold on a second. Would you shut up? Please.

1:14:04 Drew Is that talking to you, Debbie, not just me?

1:14:06 Adam No, I'm talking to Debbie. Yeah, we're trying to fix your broken vagina over here. And you keep chiming in.

1:14:11 I'm fine, Adam.

1:14:12 Clive Barker Thank you very much.

1:14:14 Adam Yeah, yeah. It's so great you're calling this crappy show.

1:14:17 No, you're... Listen, I like you a lot, Adam.

1:14:20 Don't start with me, all right?

1:14:22 Adam Yeah.

1:14:22 Clive Barker Too late he started.

1:14:23 Adam Listen, I'm high as a kite.

1:14:26 Clive Barker He's taking no prisoners tonight.

1:14:28 Adam Yeah, that's right.

1:14:29 Drew What's happening now is he's actually coming down.

1:14:31 Clive Barker That's why it's getting bad. Yeah, that's really... Yeah, give him another pill.

1:14:34 Adam Don't you two start up with me. I'll turn this place into a car wash. I'll tell you right now, I'll take this whole place down.

1:14:40 Drew All right.

1:14:40 Adam Hey, she has cramping though. What I'm saying is...

1:14:43 Drew Yeah, but that's how viscera hurt that way. And if it's just sitting there, it's okay. And you hang on, Debbie, and you push on it. It's like pushing on an infected, like a piece of... Imagine you're soft tissue.

1:14:53 Clive Barker She isn't infected. She's telling us she isn't infected.

1:14:56 Drew No, she may... Did you go tell them that you're having these kinds of pains?

1:15:00 It's just when he's hitting it, like, really deep, you know?

1:15:02 Drew Well, maybe it's just... It can be normal, too. It's just too deep. You're actually stirring up viscera.

1:15:08 Caller Right, but it's like a really...

1:15:10 It's a really deep pain, though.

1:15:11 Adam Do I have viscera?

1:15:12 I can't even urinate or anything like that. I can't have a bowel movement or anything.

1:15:17 Drew Yeah, so maybe there's a spasm, a muscle that can spasm the puboconclusion muscle.

1:15:20 Clive Barker Right, right, definitely.

1:15:21 Drew And again, that creates kind of a visceral discomfort sometimes.

1:15:25 Adam How long is this guy's penis?

1:15:27 Clive Barker Yeah, that's the next question, isn't it? Do you have a very well-hung boyfriend?

1:15:32 No, it's about Adam's size.

1:15:34 Oh, so sorry.

1:15:36 Adam You wouldn't even know I was in you.

1:15:40 Clive Barker Are you in yet, dear?

1:15:41 Adam I'm in, I'm in your ass.

1:15:42 Caller Come on.

1:15:44 Adam How dare you? I'm finished.

1:15:49 Clive Barker So it's a normal thing, then, right?

1:15:50 Drew Well, it can be. Again, I would make sure you discussed it thoroughly with the doctor's treating and make sure they hear that there's a lot of pain and they look for infections. You've got to look for these things. Art, 18.

1:16:02 Caller What's up, Dr. Drew?

1:16:04 Drew Not much, Art. What's going on?

1:16:06 Caller My girlfriend has a question, which she wouldn't get on the phone. She just wants to know that, as it's safe, it's been 17 days that she's been on birth control. She just wants to make it safe to have sex here.

1:16:18 Drew Which pill?

1:16:19 Caller What kind of pill are you taking?

1:16:22 Caller Orthotriacyl.

1:16:24 Drew Orthotriacycline?

1:16:25 Clive Barker Yes.

1:16:26 Drew That's safer than the monophasic pills, but really you're supposed to wait until your second packet.

1:16:32 Clive Barker Boring.

1:16:34 Drew What?

1:16:34 Caller Until your second packet.

1:16:36 Caller That's pretty long. She's that pair, and she wants to...

1:16:40 Caller She's what?

1:16:41 Caller She said it said two weeks on the packet, and the doctor said it's allowed to wait two weeks.

1:16:47 Drew Yeah, I'm saying it's possible. I for a while was saying on the triphasic pills, people could go ahead and have sex during that first month, but I think I've reconsidered that, and to be really safe, you should wait till the second packet.

1:17:00 Adam But the doctor said it was fine, go ahead.

1:17:04 Drew Yeah, I mean, I don't know why you're questioning his advice. Why are you calling Drew? All right, Wayne, Arizona.

1:17:10 Clive Barker Hi, I have a question for Clive Barker.

1:17:12 Clive Barker Hey, Wayne, how are you doing?

1:17:13 Clive Barker Pretty good. I love your stuff. I think Hell Rage was one of the best movies, horror movies ever.

1:17:18 Clive Barker Thank you.

1:17:18 Caller But there was a movie recently called Jeepers Creepers.

1:17:21 Clive Barker Yes. You hated it and I loved it, right?

1:17:25 Clive Barker I saw a commercial for it and I thought it looked hopelessly retarded.

1:17:27 Clive Barker Yes.

1:17:28 Clive Barker But every ad I ever saw for it said you loved it. And I don't know, I went to go see it based on that and it was hopelessly retarded. You didn't like it?

1:17:37 I was just wondering if you really liked that one?

1:17:39 Clive Barker Yeah, I really liked that picture. The two horror pictures I liked is some of that and a picture called The Others.

1:17:45 Adam I saw The Others.

1:17:46 Clive Barker Yeah.

1:17:46 Adam It was good.

1:17:48 Clive Barker I thought it was a cool movie, you know, difference of opinion, but I really liked the picture.

1:17:52 Adam Well, what was Jeepers Creepers?

1:17:54 Clive Barker It was one of those kind of movies. Wayne's got a point in terms of the retard of the plot, but it just kept going and going, and I was scared by the picture. In the end, horror movies are like comedies. They either work for you or they don't. You can't be intellectual about them. They either scare you or they don't scare you. Some people find Jim Carrey very funny. Some people sit there with an expression on their faces like, What the heck is this?

1:18:22 Adam Right. That's us.

1:18:23 Clive Barker Is it really?

1:18:24 Adam Well, I mean, I find Jim Carrey is talented.

1:18:29 Clive Barker Okay.

1:18:29 Adam But I don't find him as funny.

1:18:31 Clive Barker You see, I watch Dumb and Dumber and the tears run down my face. Oh, really?

1:18:34 Adam Well, I guess it was. He was funny in that.

1:18:36 Clive Barker Just a question of taste, I guess.

1:18:37 Adam He's, yeah, I mean, he's definitely a talent.

1:18:40 Clive Barker Yeah.

1:18:40 Adam No doubt about that. But there's a lot of guys that are really talented that I just recognize as talented, but I don't really like their stuff that much. It's like musical taste.

1:18:49 Clive Barker That will be my point about horror movies. Exactly. You know, you either like them or you don't. You can't sort of intellectualize them.

1:18:54 Adam Drew got The Shining the other day, by the way, which he is still not seen.

1:18:59 Clive Barker I don't think that's a scary movie.

1:19:00 Adam Oh, you don't think The Shining is scary?

1:19:03 You're unacceptable.

1:19:04 Clive Barker Sit there.

1:19:05 Adam No wonder you like that cheapish, creepish crap.

1:19:07 Clive Barker Don't be mean about a movie I like.

1:19:09 Adam You didn't. You're being mean about The Shining. I like The Shining.

1:19:14 Clive Barker Kubrick's dead. It doesn't matter.

1:19:15 Adam Is it overrated?

1:19:16 Clive Barker I think so. I think it's a very overrated picture. I think it's a great book. I think it's a great book and a mediocre movie.

1:19:25 Adam Yes. See, all you geniuses, you screw yourselves because you read the book and it never holds up.

1:19:30 Clive Barker Well, sometimes.

1:19:32 Adam We're having a conversation here, Drew. Dell?

1:19:35 Caller Yes.

1:19:35 Caller What's up?

1:19:37 Caller I've got a situation where I've been seeing this girl, and she's a girlfriend of mine for about six months, and she seems to be well experienced in the lovemaking field, and I'm just a little concerned about it.

1:19:51 Drew You're gay.

1:19:51 Caller She's really my first real girlfriend, and she just is wanting me to always try new things, and we've only been dating for a short while, and the stuff we're already doing, I think, is plenty. I'm afraid to tell her I'm not really interested in the unusual thing that she's asking me.

1:20:06 Adam Well, give us an example.

1:20:08 Clive Barker How unusual?

1:20:09 Drew What is this unusual thing she's asking for?

1:20:12 Caller Oh, like when we're having sex, she'll want to put something, she thinks I want something in my, in my rear, or my butt, I guess. She thinks that'll make it better for me, but I'm already fine with everything, you know?

1:20:31 Adam You're saying you're functioning okay without something rammed up your ass?

1:20:35 Drew Can you imagine that?

1:20:36 Adam Yeah, I mean, whatever. It takes all kinds, I guess.

1:20:40 Drew You think she's asking for something like that to be reciprocated to her? Maybe that's what the message is?

1:20:45 Caller Well, I guess I haven't thought about that. She's asked me to slap her a couple of times, so, you know.

1:20:50 Caller Oh, boy.

1:20:51 Caller You know, so I wonder if it's just the fact that she's, you know, she's almost two years, you know, two years older than I am, and I just wonder, and she's really my first girlfriend, but I got a feeling that maybe she's had quite a few.

1:21:03 Adam I don't know why this sounds bogus to me.

1:21:05 Caller Me too.

1:21:05 Drew It's absolutely what I was saying.

1:21:07 Adam Why does this feel bogus?

1:21:08 You know why it feels bogus?

1:21:09 Adam Because this chick would not be sleeping with Del.

1:21:12 Drew Well, not only that, nobody 20 that sounds intelligent like Del would think that this is because she's been with too many guys.

1:21:21 Adam Yeah.

1:21:21 Drew That doesn't fit.

1:21:22 Adam Del, we don't believe you.

1:21:24 Caller Okay.

1:21:25 Drew Well, I think I just have to talk to her.

1:21:27 Adam Yeah. Is she around?

1:21:29 Caller What's that?

1:21:30 Adam Is she? Can we talk to her?

1:21:33 Caller Yeah, actually.

1:21:34 Adam Where is she?

1:21:36 Caller Well, she's in the other room, but.

1:21:37 Adam Well, go get her, go get her. And put her on and do a good voice.

1:21:43 Caller You're still reading.

1:21:46 Caller I didn't tell her that I'm calling, so she's going to be saying.

1:21:49 Clive Barker Oh, this is going to be a moment.

1:21:51 Adam We'll put our kid gloves on.

1:21:53 Caller Okay. And the thing about, you know, putting that thing in my bottom.

1:21:57 Adam We shouldn't mention that.

1:21:59 Clive Barker We shouldn't talk about it.

1:22:00 Adam It's going to be very delicate when we broach that.

1:22:01 Clive Barker Now, what's her name, Del?

1:22:03 Caller Roberta.

1:22:04 Clive Barker Roberta.

1:22:05 Clive Barker All right.

1:22:06 Clive Barker No way.

1:22:07 Caller I've got a rear end the size of a mason jar.

1:22:10 Clive Barker There we go. Finally, the punchline.

1:22:13 Caller Thanks, Del.

1:22:13 All right.

1:22:14 Drew I got focus. I feel good about myself.

1:22:16 Clive Barker We got there eventually.

1:22:18 Adam All right. Good try. Good try. Yeah. What is it?

1:22:22 Clive Barker You guys are really, can I just say, you guys are really good, because I would always, I think, give people the benefit of the opinion in case I was wrong.

1:22:29 Drew I swear, when you get that feeling that it's not real.

1:22:32 Clive Barker But have you ever been, have you ever sort of called somebody and it means...

1:22:36 Drew You know, we have, I think it's been quite the other way. We've had the feeling, but the content of the call has been so serious that we couldn't really address it.

1:22:45 Clive Barker Just in case you were wrong.

1:22:46 Drew Just too serious. People really sort of, they sort of hamstring us with that. They'll talk about, you know, somebody's suicidal and they're either...

1:22:52 Clive Barker Yeah, well, you wouldn't want to be wrong. Even if it was a 1% chance, you wouldn't want to be wrong.

1:22:57 Drew It would be inappropriate to even discuss about it.

1:22:58 Clive Barker Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:23:00 Adam But as we've talked about many times, you know, people always say to us, how can you comment on these people's lives? You don't even know them. And I always say, that's the point.

1:23:11 Clive Barker You can't.

1:23:11 Adam Not knowing them helps. Because, and you can't see them. That helps, too. It's just the quality.

1:23:17 Drew I mean, that's why...

1:23:18 Adam It's like a vibe.

1:23:19 Clive Barker You did television. Did it change when you were on television?

1:23:21 Drew Yeah, we were doing them on the phone most of the time.

1:23:24 Clive Barker Yes, okay. But then, you still had guests who were looking at...

1:23:27 Adam But it is true. When you're looking at somebody, you're factoring that in.

1:23:31 Clive Barker Yeah, sure. Making a judgment on their appearance.

1:23:34 Adam You almost have to, as a human being.

1:23:37 Drew And also, there's a difference in your interaction when they're face to face with you. I mean, there's no doubt. I had a definite, bogus feeling, two sentences into that guy.

1:23:45 Adam Right. And also, there's a certain math, which is this chick who's been around the block a thousand times is not going to screw around with a delt or was.

1:23:54 Drew You know what? I think that was just you trying to figure out why you're feeling wasn't right, why it wasn't working.

1:24:00 Adam All right.

1:24:00 Caller We'll be right back.

1:24:01 Adam We're going to take ourselves a little break. Clive Barker is our guest tonight. And we'll be right back after this.

1:24:07 Hello. This is your radio. Loveline will be right back.

1:24:51 Adam Hey, everybody, a little more Loveline to go. Clive Barker is our guest here tonight. Tony Hawk in the studio tomorrow night, world champion skateboarder Tony Hawk. Clive is going to be out with Brentanos. I forgot about him. So out of it. My drug haze. I forgot to sing along. That's right. A system of a down. So where was I? Yes?

1:25:18 Drew Brentanos.

1:25:18 Adam Brentanos, right. Friday, seven o'clock. And Clive will be there. That's the 26th. He'll be signing his new nude book.

1:25:27 Clive Barker My nude book.

1:25:28 Adam That's Freudian, baby.

1:25:29 Clive Barker That's going to be a moment there.

1:25:30 Adam That's a Freudian Brody.

1:25:32 That is much more than a slut.

1:25:36 Adam I wouldn't mind seeing you naked just to tell people, you know.

1:25:40 Clive Barker You saw my willy.

1:25:41 Adam Yeah.

1:25:42 Clive Barker You're never going to do it.

1:25:43 Adam Really? I've seen Drew's. Do you know my controversial plan?

1:25:48 Clive Barker How did that work?

1:25:49 Adam How I saw Drew?

1:25:50 Clive Barker Yeah. How did you see Drew's willy?

1:25:52 Adam We were in an airport in.

1:25:55 Drew And there was no partition. No partition.

1:25:59 Adam Yeah. Oh, you got a look.

1:26:00 Clive Barker And you looked.

1:26:01 Adam You got a look.

1:26:02 Clive Barker Why have you got a look?

1:26:04 Adam Well, you see, you're.

1:26:05 Clive Barker He's one of the gays.

1:26:07 Adam As one of the gays, you probably feel weird about looking because it feels weird, right?

1:26:11 Clive Barker That's that's inappropriate behavior.

1:26:13 Caller I look inappropriate?

1:26:14 Clive Barker No, it is. That's inappropriate behavior for a straight man.

1:26:18 Caller Come on. Oh, yeah.

1:26:18 Adam No, no. But see, I would say I would agree on this.

1:26:21 Clive Barker Come on. It's very suspicious.

1:26:23 Adam I would argue it's a heterosexual.

1:26:25 Clive Barker I get to do it. No, come on.

1:26:28 Adam Black guys saying nigger. Do you know what I'm saying?

1:26:30 Clive Barker No, I don't.

1:26:31 Adam They can say it.

1:26:32 Clive Barker No, no, no.

1:26:33 Adam They can say it. It's cool for them. But we can't say it.

1:26:35 Clive Barker You were comparing. You were comparing.

1:26:38 Adam Oh, Drew? Yeah.

1:26:39 Yeah.

1:26:40 Adam Big mistake, by the way. Drew's a passionate, passionate man with a passionate, passionate penis. I mean, that's a weapon. I'm surprised you got it on.

1:26:49 Drew Bunker busting.

1:26:50 Adam I'm surprised you got it on to the plane. Yeah, the Bunker Buster is what his wife calls it.

1:26:54 Clive Barker Really? Yeah.

1:26:56 Adam You go through three chastity belts with that thing.

1:26:59 Drew Wow.

1:26:59 Adam And then it doesn't explode until it gets in. You got it. You got it. All right.

1:27:04 Drew Drew, where are we? Oh, yeah. That's right.

1:27:05 Adam I'll take some calls here.

1:27:06 Drew Hold on a second. There we are. Chris.

1:27:09 Yeah.

1:27:09 Adam What's up?

1:27:11 Well, first off, Adam, long time listener, first time caller.

1:27:15 Adam Thank you.

1:27:15 And, Drew, much respect. Thanks, Chris.

1:27:18 Caller Whatever.

1:27:20 Clive Barker Yeah, don't take any notice of that.

1:27:23 Clive, I've been a real big fan of yours for a lot of years. And thank you. One of my favorite books you wrote was Cabal.

1:27:29 Clive Barker Yeah.

1:27:30 And I was just wondering, are you ever going to write anything more about those characters?

1:27:35 Clive Barker About the Nightbreed? Yeah, absolutely. I've promised that as recently as last night, I was doing this interview with these people in Chicago and somebody asked the same question. And I said last night, I would absolutely return to those characters. I'm actually going to write. The other thing I'm going to write pretty soon is, is the death of Pinhead. I've decided to do that and just finish the guy off.

1:27:57 Adam And he's not dead, isn't he sort of undead already?

1:28:01 Clive Barker No, there's ways of doing it. It's time to finish that guy off. Too many movies.

1:28:06 Adam You feel like a plate spinner on Ed Sullivan sometimes. You've got too many characters going and too many unfinished books and characters.

1:28:16 Clive Barker I'm a young man. I mean...

1:28:18 Adam No, no, you're not. I mean, you look good, but you're old, you know. You look great.

1:28:23 Clive Barker I'm going to just shut up now.

1:28:26 Adam I mean, I'm saying, you know, you have people wanting...

1:28:29 Clive Barker I hate violence, but come on.

1:28:30 Adam You have people wanting everything from you.

1:28:32 Clive Barker But that's fine. I mean, I've got another 20, 25 years of writing.

1:28:36 Adam And you write how much each day?

1:28:38 Clive Barker About 2,000 words.

1:28:40 Adam And it's different words or...?

1:28:41 Clive Barker I use the word the and I am quite often.

1:28:43 Adam Oh, OK. That's kind of a cheater. More like a thousand words.

1:28:46 Clive Barker This guy is a pain in the butt.

1:28:48 Adam And what is 2,000 words? How many pages? Did you say 2,000 words?

1:28:53 Clive Barker Well, handwritten 2,000 words, yeah.

1:28:55 Adam Christ.

1:28:56 Drew I've written about 40,000.

1:28:59 Adam But how many a day? I mean... Really?

1:29:03 Clive Barker That's a lot.

1:29:03 Caller Isn't that a lot?

1:29:05 Adam No.

1:29:05 Drew But when you're going...

1:29:06 Clive Barker He's an illiterate guy.

1:29:09 Drew That's where the problem is. That's why he's holding out.

1:29:11 Adam The most writing I did in high school was fake notes to get me out of high school.

1:29:17 Clive Barker Did they work?

1:29:18 Adam Yeah. Sign my dad's name, yeah.

1:29:21 Drew Liz, 26.

1:29:23 Hi. First, I want to say that I think you're doing incredible work, Clive. Thank you. And I think that Damien and Tara Don't Call Me Tara both need a raise because they're doing great jobs.

1:29:35 Adam Yeah, those are phone screeners, by the way.

1:29:37 Yeah, whatever.

1:29:39 Back to the baseball thing, Adam, it was Roger Maris who broke the record.

1:29:42 Adam Thank you.

1:29:42 You were having trouble with the name.

1:29:43 Adam I was high as a high at the time.

1:29:45 Clive Barker Thank you. It's been a night.

1:29:47 But my question is actually for Dr. Drew. Probably in the last two to three weeks, I'd say whenever I masturbate, I can't reach orgasm.

1:29:56 Drew All of a sudden this happened?

1:29:58 Yeah, it was, I mean, I kind of noticed before that that maybe my orgasms weren't as strong, but...

1:30:04 Drew Any medication lately?

1:30:05 No, uh-uh.

1:30:06 Drew You've been sick or depressed? Anything else happening?

1:30:08 No, uh-uh. It's really weird. I mean, it feels good, but I just can't...

1:30:13 Drew Any chance you're pregnant?

1:30:15 I'm sorry, what?

1:30:16 Drew Any chance you're pregnant or anything?

1:30:17 Definitely not.

1:30:18 Adam Do you have a man in your life?

1:30:20 Um, not right now, no, but I mean, I have other things going on, so...

1:30:24 Drew So let me be sure I understand this. You were functioning normally and then all of a sudden, it sort of tapered off over what period of time?

1:30:32 Um, I'd say probably, I mean, the last two to three weeks is when I haven't been able to orgasm at all, so probably over the last, I don't know, I guess, six weeks.

1:30:42 Adam Have you checked the batteries and vibrator?

1:30:44 Have you changed your technique at all? I don't use a vibrator.

1:30:47 Adam Well, there's your problem. If I was a woman, I'd have a vibrator on my keychain.

1:30:53 Drew No doubt.

1:30:54 Adam I mean, what a device. Why don't you have one of those?

1:30:58 Drew Are you kidding? You have one of those remote control ones you just insert in you and fire up whenever you want.

1:31:03 Clive Barker You can just have it in there and just go about your daily work. You could get one for your backside.

1:31:08 Adam I could. With a solar paneled helmet that I wore.

1:31:12 Clive Barker Keep the power going right through the day.

1:31:14 Adam Just a wire going down the back of my neck.

1:31:16 Drew Liz, nothing else going on in your life that could be interfering with this?

1:31:19 No.

1:31:19 Drew You're sleeping normally. You're otherwise feeling healthy. You're eating normally. You haven't started any new vitamins or any strange medications.

1:31:25 No.

1:31:26 Drew Nothing.

1:31:26 That's why I thought it was so strange because I haven't changed my routine.

1:31:30 Drew No birth control pills.

1:31:31 No.

1:31:34 Clive Barker Can I say this? Yeah. Maybe you need to change your routine.

1:31:38 Drew Maybe.

1:31:38 Clive Barker Okay. This is just a layman's observation but when it isn't working, change it so it is working. Do you know what I mean? Maybe your body is just a little bored with what you are doing.

1:31:51 Adam How about getting that vibrator?

1:31:54 Clive Barker Oh yeah.

1:31:55 Adam Why not?

1:31:56 Clive Barker Why not?

1:31:57 Adam Give it a try.

1:31:58 I guess I have been kind of intimidated by the idea but...

1:32:01 Adam Yeah. Well go get drunk and go buy one. Go to town. Don't get the big one. Don't get the badger.

1:32:10 Clive Barker The badger?

1:32:11 Adam The widower maker or something like that.

1:32:14 Clive Barker The Dr. Drew.

1:32:15 Adam Right. Right. Don't get the Dr. Drew's Bunker Buster.

1:32:18 Clive Barker Don't get the Bunker Buster.

1:32:20 That would be a great name for a vibrator.

1:32:24 Adam Drew, we got a pat on that. Good. Alright. Real quick. One more? No, no.

1:32:27 Drew We got to go to break.

1:32:28 Adam That's it?

1:32:29 Drew Yes, sir.

1:32:29 Adam Alright. We'll be back to wrap up and wrap down with Clive Barker after this.

1:32:34 Drew Alright guys.

1:32:35 Clive Barker Bottom line. Here's the deal.

1:32:36 Caller Looking to hook up.

1:32:37 Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

1:32:39 Caller One call is all you need to make. Call the dateline.

1:32:42 Clive Barker 877-889-DATE.

1:33:21 Adam All right, well, that is it. I want to thank the Museum of Television and Radio for having us. They got a bunch of stuff. Just check their website or something. I don't know what the hell it is.

1:33:33 Drew Let me read it. Let me read this.

1:33:34 Adam It doesn't make sense to me, Drew. No kidding.

1:33:36 Drew You can't read.

1:33:37 Adam Well, yeah, I missed the 2,000 words a minute over here.

1:33:40 Drew Seminar tomorrow, radio response to the crisis, radio broadcast Canadian for the rest of the week out of this studio. Live music performances on the roof.

1:33:47 Adam By what band? The Beatles? U2?

1:33:49 Drew For a complete line up of broadcast and events, log on to mtr.org or call 310-786-1010.

1:33:57 Adam Okay. Drew, read the top one one more time.

1:34:00 Drew Seminar tomorrow?

1:34:01 Adam Yeah.

1:34:01 Drew That one?

1:34:02 Adam On what?

1:34:02 Drew Radio response to crisis.

1:34:04 Adam Okay. Does that make sense to you? Yeah.

1:34:05 Drew How the radio has dealt with this.

1:34:07 Adam They play that loud noise, right?

1:34:10 Caller No.

1:34:10 Clive Barker There's a radio response to the crisis.

1:34:12 Adam No.

1:34:12 Drew How the radio, not just-

1:34:13 Clive Barker The radio.

1:34:15 Caller No.

1:34:15 Clive Barker White noise?

1:34:17 Adam No.

1:34:17 Drew He's talking about the public defense and other things.

1:34:19 Clive Barker He's just being annoying. All right.

1:34:21 Adam Good. Listen, Clive, you're banned. You have to leave now.

1:34:26 Clive Barker No, you're banned. I'm taking over the show.

1:34:27 Yeah.

1:34:28 Adam I'm going to Clive's house.

1:34:29 Clive Barker It's going to be Dr. Drew and Clive.

1:34:31 Adam I'm going to go number two in his basement in his dungeon.

1:34:34 Yeah.

1:34:34 Clive Barker I got a bunch of popcorn cans for you.

1:34:37 Why do you have to get it?

1:34:39 Adam Brintano's, everybody, Friday, 7 o'clock. Go see our good friend Clive Barker out there signing his new book. Thanks, Clive.

1:34:46 Clive Barker It's good.

1:34:46 Adam My pleasure. Tony Hawk tomorrow night. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:51 Clive Barker The Gays Love Lollipop.

1:34:54 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, October 23, 2001