Episode 1000754886789

1:14 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-E-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist.

1:30 Drew And this is Adam. Where's my goddamn coffee, Corolla?

1:32 Adam Oh, yeah, for Texaco. Well, I had a harrowing experience on the freeway on the way here.

1:39 Drew Was that the most intense electrical storm you've ever seen?

1:42 Adam Yeah.

1:42 Drew Yeah. There's stuff touching down like all around.

1:46 Adam And, you know, California, I mean, especially LA., we don't get much weather and we certainly don't get any good weather. We get smog and oppressive heat and then we get a little rain. But we don't get anything good.

2:00 Drew Nothing exciting.

2:01 Adam Nothing that would make the cover of a phone book.

2:03 Drew No, no.

2:04 Adam You know what I'm saying? You see all those great pictures in the Midwest of those electrical storms. And to me, it's just, you know, maybe it's because it's a novelty, but it's just one of the most dramatic, spectacular things there is to see. And we had a little bit of that tonight. So that was, it's very exciting for us.

2:22 Drew Strangely, directly over the main freeway, right through the middle of Los Angeles. That's what was weird about it.

2:28 Adam But you know, it strikes me, we are so starved for weather in this part of the country that once, I'd say about once every 12 years, a little snow falls somewhere in the valley. Not real snow, just technical snow. Right.

2:44 Drew Something cold and frozen fell out of the sky. Doesn't stick.

2:48 Adam No, no. You're not going to build a snowman or go sledding or anything, but somewhere in Van Nuys, there's a sixteenth of an inch of something on the ground and everyone goes insane. Now, all the turns, it immediately turns into black paste on the ground, and you know, people are injured trying to play in it, cars are getting in accidents, but it's so compelling, it's so exciting, or once in a while, a little water spout will pop up. A little mini twister thing that couldn't knock over a trash can. Still big excitement for us. Jesus Christ. All you folks around the country who are complaining about your weather, I was in the LA Unified School District for what, 12 years, never missed one day because of anything.

3:30 Drew No earthquake days?

3:32 Adam No, never missed the earthquake. The best we could do was stay in because it was smoggy. Yeah, all right, don't go out. No, no Socko or Smear the Queer today. It's stage three alert. I remember talking to a guy when I was a kid who lived in Utah, and he was like, we get two weeks off for the opening of deer hunting season. I was like, holy S. He's like, sure, you guys don't get deer hunting? I'm like, no, we don't get deer hunting. Oh yeah. Then there's snow days. Then we have to elect the snow queen and the ice princess. We take a few weeks off for that. It's like, oh my God. You lucky sons of bitches. Two weeks off for deer hunting season. All right. You ready to go to the phones here, Drew?

4:24 Drew I am, yes.

4:25 Adam Let's speak to Nicole.

4:26 Let's save the babies.

4:28 Adam Nicole is 17. What's up?

4:32 Oh.

4:33 Drew Don't listen to your radio. Turn that off.

4:35 Okay.

4:35 Turn it off.

4:36 Thank you.

4:37 Sorry.

4:37 I'm sorry. All right.

4:38 Drew Go.

4:39 Okay.

4:41 My question is about orgasms.

4:44 I can't have one with my boyfriend, but I can have one by myself.

4:47 Drew All right. So you're actually, you're actually ahead of the curve. That herky-jerky stuff doesn't go very far.

4:53 Adam Is it her radio or sort of her phone line?

4:55 Drew I think there's a little feedback on the phone, and it's the radio. But no, Nicole, you're 17, right?

5:00 Adam Yeah.

5:00 Drew You were able to masturbate to orgasm?

5:02 Adam Yeah.

5:03 Drew And you're just concerned because you don't have orgasm during intercourse?

5:06 I can have one with guys.

5:08 The only way I have one is if they touch my clitoris.

5:11 Drew During intercourse or just?

5:13 During intercourse. If they don't, then I cannot have one.

5:15 Adam Wait a minute. I think she may be confused.

5:18 I'm not confused. I swear.

5:21 Adam You mean while the guy is inside of you and he rubs your clitoris, you have an orgasm?

5:28 I can have one.

5:29 Adam All right. Will you stop complaining?

5:30 Drew That's way ahead of average.

5:32 Adam Way.

5:33 Drew That's good.

5:34 Adam That's way up. That's the most you could hope for.

5:38 Drew At 17.

5:39 Adam No, no. At 117. That is the most you could hope for as a woman.

5:45 Drew Some women actually do, believe it or not, Adam, I know you've never experienced this, do have orgasm during intercourse without direct, I know it exists.

5:53 Adam Some women do.

5:54 Drew Hold your breath now. Some have multiple orgasm during intercourse.

5:57 Adam What was that first word?

5:58 Drew Multiple. Many.

5:59 Adam That means half?

6:00 Drew Many.

6:04 Adam Oh, what percentage, Drew, what percentage of women can have an orgasm through just penetration without any stimulation to the clitoris? What I'm saying here is not even them getting on top and sort of rubbing.

6:23 Drew Right. A guy just said the same thing.

6:24 Adam Just pure penetration.

6:26 Drew It's got to be like 1% under 28 or so and maybe 5% overall.

6:35 Adam So, it just added women who are of age.

6:38 Drew Yeah.

6:38 Adam Let's just say women over 17.

6:41 Drew Okay.

6:42 Adam Under 10%, right?

6:43 Drew Oh, yeah.

6:44 Adam Oh, yeah.

6:45 Drew You're okay?

6:46 Adam God damn right. There it is. Patrick?

6:49 Yes.

6:50 Adam You're 20?

6:51 Caller Yeah.

6:51 Adam What's up?

6:53 Caller I was diagnosed with polycystic kidney disease about a year and a half ago, and was put on an ACE inhibitor. I'm not sure that this has anything to do with my problem, but it might, so I figure I'll tell you first. I've been experiencing for a while erectile dysfunction, and not just when I'm with my girlfriend, but also when I try to masturbate.

7:13 Drew How about when you get up in the morning? Do you have erections then?

7:16 Caller No, I don't.

7:17 Drew Are you diabetic?

7:18 Caller No, I'm not.

7:19 Adam How do you know you're alive if you wake up without an erection?

7:23 Caller It's a good question. I've seen my family doctor about it, and he wasn't too concerned. He gave me some Viagra, which didn't work.

7:30 Drew Wow.

7:31 Caller Yeah. I talked to my nephrologist about it, and he said that as far as he knows, the ACE inhibitor that I'm on has no side effects.

7:41 Drew Well, cough, that's the one. The Molliace inhibitor can cause a little cough. There's a strange sort of tickling in the back of the throat. They can cause worsening change in your renal function, low white count sometimes, but I've never heard of it causing rectal dysfunction. Are you in renal failure?

7:55 Caller No, not at all.

7:56 Drew You're not in dialysis, right? Or this is just, you have a family history of it, and they're watching you.

8:00 Caller It's weird. My grandfather had it. My dad's asymptomatic.

8:03 Drew Phobias has kidney disease. Oh, it's called autosomal domino. It's a bad disease.

8:07 Adam Well, no ass.

8:09 Drew And he's trying to, the phrologist is trying to improve the blood supply, blood flow through the kidney with this.

8:15 Adam What phrologist?

8:16 Drew Nephrologist, kidney doctor. And no, it shouldn't be causing the rectal dysfunction, but boy, I think you deserve a real thorough looking into it. This is not right. It's a shame. I mean, there could be other, you know, sometimes, if I remember right, if I remember right, polycystic kidney disease can be associated with cysts elsewhere, like in the brain and whatnot. I mean, you want to get this checked out.

8:34 Adam Kidney doctor, could not put the word kidney anywhere in that title?

8:38 Drew Neff.

8:39 Adam Does neff mean kidney?

8:41 Caller Yeah.

8:42 Adam Put it in a sentence.

8:44 Drew Nephron, nephron are the units of the kidney.

8:47 Adam All right. But isn't there a nephra, isn't there nephron something for like cold medicine or something? Nephrodephrine or something?

8:56 Drew Neonephronephrine.

8:58 Adam Yeah. Aaron, Eric?

9:00 Yeah.

9:01 Adam You're 19?

9:02 Caller Yeah. Okay, here's my problem. Me and my girlfriend have been going out about six months now, and the only way that she can have an orgasm is through oral sex.

9:17 Drew Right. That would be normal.

9:18 Caller Okay, yeah. I mean, I like giving oral sex to her, but it's just that she has a pretty strong order. And I was wondering if there's, I mean, if there's any other way I could go about it. Because, I mean, I really, you know, I love her a lot, and I just.

9:33 Adam Yeah, I don't believe it.

9:35 Drew Nero's got the thumbs down on this one.

9:36 Adam Yeah. Why don't I believe it?

9:37 Drew Because when we trumped with the question, he went to the next one, and then he had to sprinkle in, I love her a lot, and all this nonsense.

9:46 Adam Hey, I love her a lot. I, over the last two days, I have sat in a studio in Nevada and done 20 hours worth of prank calling.

9:56 Drew Well, what do you explain what you mean?

9:58 Adam Not all myself, but just goofed on people, making prank, what do I have to explain? Prank calls.

10:05 Drew Why you did that?

10:05 Adam We're doing a new TV show that involves this. But here's the point. I have such a keen ear now, I just sit, I sit next to a guy and scribble down jokes on a dry erase board for him to say while he's talking to these idiots, and I just didn't buy an ounce of Eryx.

10:22 Drew Right.

10:23 Adam And I don't even know why. I didn't buy it at the very beginning. I didn't buy it when he cleared his throat.

10:27 Drew Me too. Same thing.

10:28 Adam All right. Listen, Drew, don't do that. Okay. Okay. I'll do it.

10:31 Drew Well, you don't need it.

10:32 Adam Jackass.

10:33 Drew Put it right here.

10:34 Adam Okay. See?

10:35 Drew Why is it over there? That's ridiculous. This is the issue.

10:37 Adam Let's deal with it. All right. Drew moved my carpet remnant.

10:43 Drew Why is it under this thing?

10:44 Adam I don't know. You know why? Because it was. Yeah. Right.

10:47 Drew It's been there for three years. You've been yelling about this. I just finally made the change.

10:51 Adam Hey, Eric?

10:52 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

10:52 Adam Your girlfriend's got a smell down there?

10:55 Caller Yeah. I mean, it's not strong, but it's, I mean.

10:57 Adam What's it smell like?

10:59 Caller Huh?

10:59 Adam Yeah. What's it smell like?

11:01 Caller I mean, it's just like rotten tuna fish. I mean, it's not like, I mean, that can handle, but I just, I was wondering if there was anything else I could do.

11:10 Drew Yeah. So she can go see a doctor and get an antibiotic cream and that will take care of it.

11:14 Caller I mean, I was going to, you know, make her something for her about it, but I didn't want her to, let him go.

11:18 Adam Go ahead, Eric.

11:20 Caller Huh?

11:20 Adam You want to talk to her about it?

11:22 Caller Well, no, I was going to mention something to her about it, but I didn't want her to, like, you know, to cause these problems between us.

11:28 Adam Yeah. Well, you know, tell her that you were listening to the show and somebody called in about an odor and Drew said that the person may have an infection.

11:39 Drew And that can be treated easily.

11:40 Adam And you were worried about her.

11:41 Drew And that can be treated easily.

11:42 Caller Oh, okay.

11:43 Caller All right.

11:45 Adam All right. All right.

11:46 Caller I appreciate it.

11:46 Adam All right. Well. Randy.

11:51 Hello.

11:52 Adam Hey, you're 15. What's up?

11:54 Caller Yeah. What happens is I'm like, I guess you could kind of say like, I'm madly in love with the, I'm not really madly, but anyway, I really, really, really like little kids. Like not like, you know, gross three year olds. No. But like 10 year olds. Like.

12:07 Adam Yeah, right.

12:08 Caller I love everything about them. Like their smell, the way they act, how like they're pure and innocent.

12:12 Adam Yeah. I mean, it's kind of the way they carry themselves.

12:15 Drew What do you want to do with them? What do you mean? What's your plan?

12:18 Caller Well, I'm going out with a 10 year old right now because my brother is 10 years old and he has a friend that always comes over here.

12:23 Drew Wait a minute. So it's not just you like being around them. You're attracted to them.

12:27 Caller Yes.

12:28 Drew So that means that something happened to you around that age, 8 to 10.

12:31 Caller No.

12:31 Adam Oh, listen, Drew, please don't jump to conclusions. What grade are you in?

12:38 Caller Oh, I'm in ninth grade.

12:38 Adam No, Drew, what grade are you in now? 150th?

12:42 Caller I'm in ninth grade.

12:43 Adam You're in the ninth grade. And what grade is your boyfriend in?

12:47 Caller He is in the fifth.

12:49 Adam Fifth grade? Ten years old, fifth grade?

12:51 Drew Yeah.

12:52 Caller Yeah.

12:53 Drew What did you think?

12:54 Adam Well, I thought it could have been 11.

12:57 Drew Could be fourth grade.

12:58 Adam All right. So he's a younger man, fifth grade though.

13:04 Drew And she should be in 10th.

13:07 Adam Yeah. Well, here's the thing is he could be in the fourth and she could be in the 10th. But anyway, you guys, do you kiss?

13:17 Caller Well, I gave him a little peck on the cheek, but then I kind of got weird and I just want to explain to him that kissing girls is okay. Because I don't know, I don't want to freak him out, but I guess I kind of want to marry this guy.

13:30 Adam Well, you got to understand that first off, he's probably not going to be able to support a family for another four or five years. Okay. I mean, it's going to have to be at least 14, 15.

13:42 Drew Approaching your age, of course.

13:43 Adam Right. Number two, it's hard to kiss these 10-year-olds because of the cootie factor.

13:49 Caller No, he doesn't believe in cooties.

13:51 Adam He doesn't believe in cooties anymore. You got one of the liberated ones. Yeah. Okay. Now, most 15-year-old girls that we talk to are dating guys in their 30s by now.

14:06 Caller Oh, that's disgusting.

14:07 Adam Yeah.

14:08 Caller Yeah.

14:08 Caller Old people suck.

14:09 Caller Yeah.

14:09 Caller No offense to you guys because you're not that old.

14:11 Drew Yeah, we just sound like teenagers. That's all right.

14:15 Adam But you really-

14:17 Caller It's just like you guys seem like teenagers.

14:20 Caller Your voices are like old.

14:24 Adam So, would you, if you had the opportunity, have a physical relationship with this land?

14:31 Caller Yes.

14:32 Drew What does that mean to you?

14:34 Caller You mean what I think it means?

14:35 Drew Yeah.

14:36 Caller You mean like make out, that kind?

14:38 Adam Yeah.

14:39 Drew Is that what that means?

14:40 Caller Yeah.

14:40 Caller Uh-huh.

14:42 Adam How about your brother? Is he weird about this? Does he think this is strange?

14:46 Caller Well, he doesn't really know, but he knows that his friend likes me, and he knows that I like him, but he doesn't know that we're going out.

14:54 Adam How are you in your development? Do you have breasts? Are you a woman?

14:59 Caller Yeah.

15:00 Adam So you're a woman. I mean, you've got pubic hair and all that good stuff, right?

15:04 Caller Uh-huh.

15:05 Adam Uh-uh. This could be trouble, and there's nothing-

15:09 Drew You're being light on this.

15:10 Adam Yeah. Well, I just want to get everything straightened away before we start digging in. Where's your dad?

15:17 Caller My dad is downstairs.

15:18 Adam And you say you have a younger brother. You ever do anything to him?

15:24 Caller No.

15:25 Adam You ever do anything to you?

15:26 Caller No.

15:27 Adam Any- ever make any contact with a kid, or did anyone make contact with you when you were a kid?

15:33 Caller Never.

15:34 Drew No other kids making out with you or anything when you were a kid?

15:37 Caller No.

15:38 Drew Have we talked to you before?

15:40 Caller No.

15:41 Drew What's that no? Remember that no from a couple of nights ago?

15:44 Adam Yeah, but that-

15:44 Caller Actually, I did hear that person, but that's definitely not me.

15:48 Adam You thought it was you saying no though and you confused yourself?

15:50 Caller No.

15:52 Adam No? Okay, sassy pants. And you get along with your peers? Do you have friends your age?

15:59 Caller Yeah, I do.

16:00 Adam And you have girlfriends?

16:02 Caller You mean like sexual?

16:05 Adam No.

16:05 Caller Oh, yeah.

16:06 Caller I have friends that are girls.

16:09 Adam I think she's making this up.

16:10 Drew No, this is her. This is the other caller.

16:12 Adam Oh, it is?

16:12 Drew Yeah.

16:13 Adam Drew's got a good ear for that.

16:15 Drew Randy?

16:16 Adam Yeah.

16:16 Drew Come on. Come clean on this.

16:17 Adam Randy's BS'ing.

16:18 Drew But come clean on this. It's you, isn't it? Well, wait a minute. I want to know if this is-

16:24 Adam It is her. Drew's got a great ear.

16:27 Caller Oh, you guys are smart.

16:28 Adam Well, we're not smart. It's just you sound like you sounded a week ago.

16:33 Caller It was like- Nuts.

16:34 Adam Yeah.

16:35 Drew Who put- Was that you or was that the recording?

16:38 Adam That's the recording. See, here's the deal. We have everyone who's ever called this show banked.

16:45 Drew In my head.

16:46 Adam We're like the FBI.

16:47 Drew Yeah.

16:47 Caller Oh, really?

16:48 Adam Anderson will just pull it right on up and then we'll just do a voice analysis, and that's how we catch most our bunko callers.

16:56 Caller Okay. How many times have I called before?

16:58 Adam Who put you up to this?

16:59 Drew Four times before.

17:00 Adam This is your- No guy?

17:02 Drew I would say twice.

17:02 Adam No guy put you up to this?

17:04 Caller No. No.

17:09 Adam All right there, Randy. Okay.

17:11 Caller Have a nice day.

17:12 Adam You keep calling.

17:13 Drew Well, say yes now, too. We haven't heard a yes. We got to get that down.

17:15 Caller My yes?

17:17 Caller I don't know.

17:18 Caller I don't know.

17:19 Caller You guys are so-

17:21 Adam Hey, Randy. Yes. You do have to keep in mind, though, while you're tying up the lines, we have, you know, heroin addicts ODing and stuff like that.

17:30 Caller Oh, they're lying, too.

17:32 Adam All right.

17:32 Drew I'm afraid not. We can pick out the ones that are lying.

17:35 Adam Keep thinking that.

17:36 Caller I don't want you to be faithful to me. And we were kind of like, you know, I've smoked his friends' poles, like all of them.

17:44 Adam Is that her?

17:44 Drew Was that her? No, that wasn't her.

17:46 Caller No.

17:47 Adam All right. All right. Oh, I see. Anderson was just giving an example of this vast database.

17:52 Drew I see.

17:54 Adam Drew, you do have quite a ear for that.

17:56 Drew Well, what's interesting is when I know it, I know it.

17:59 Adam Yeah.

17:59 Drew You know what I mean? It's like there was no doubt in my mind that's who that was.

18:03 Adam Well, it's an interesting thing. For me, it's like the dent in the car syndrome. When you come walking out, you see that dent in your car and you go, Oh man, who dent in my car? Then you go, Oh Christ, that could have happened a month ago. Then you go, Why did I notice it now? Right. Then you go, Well, I don't know. Then you think, Nope, I got to trust whatever that feeling is. There's a reason I just spotted it and I would have spotted it yesterday, had it been there yesterday. Drew, when your spidey sense tingles, then that means something.

18:38 Drew Also, she didn't have the right history.

18:40 Adam That's right. She had herself a- it was an interesting call.

18:44 Drew Yeah.

18:45 Adam I mean, we'd never talked to any 15-year-old girls that are into 10-year-old boys. She played it cool. She didn't pile it on too thick. She kissed him on the cheek. You know what I mean? Most bogus calls were that she gave him a hand job. Right. You know, Taffy came out of his penis or something. I don't know. What comes out of 10?

19:04 Drew Out of penis.

19:05 Adam Mike and Ike's? What comes out of that?

19:07 Drew Silly string.

19:07 Adam Silly string comes out. But she played it cool with that. She wasn't laying it on too thick. But then we started questioning about it. Dad's upstairs, never had any contact with anybody and it all. But it was sounding way too healthy.

19:20 Drew And when we started digging, it was that same. No.

19:23 Adam Yes.

19:25 Drew Oh God.

19:26 Adam Her telltale.

19:27 Caller No.

19:28 Adam Jenny?

19:29 Yes.

19:30 Adam You're 23?

19:31 Caller Yes, sir.

19:32 Adam What's up?

19:34 Caller I was wondering if I have a phobia of relationships, I guess. I have whenever the newness wears off, I'm done. It's like I like the butterfly feeling, the nervous feeling at first, and then after that's done, I'm ready to move on for another challenge, kind of.

19:52 Drew Well, what you're doing, it's not a positive thing you're doing, it's a negative. In other words, it's not that you are into the challenge so much as you can't stand the intimacy and the vulnerability of a real relationship.

20:02 Adam She knows that.

20:04 Drew And then as a substitute for that, you go for arousal as a way to try to gratify yourself. And then that state of always being in pursuit of someone and longing for someone and getting them and that's all very highly arousing and gratifying but it's not real. It's nothing.

20:22 Caller What do I need to do about this? I mean like I have, it's like when the guys start falling in love or something like that, then I'm out. I don't want anything to do with that.

20:31 Adam Are you good looking?

20:34 Caller I'm not bad looking if that's what you're asking.

20:36 Adam Yeah. Well, part of what needs to happen to women, and it does, is there's a little humbling process that goes with age, which is, well, let me think about this. No, this isn't only that, but just hear me out. Women get started, I'll do a sports analogy here, Drew. They get started 14, 15, and they're like a rookie just trying to make the pro team. They're excited just to be there. That's why, you know, whenever you hear these stories about these playmates, when you see the prom pictures and stuff and who they dated in high school, there's always some sappy, goofy dude who just, he just, right time, right place, right time, he just swooped in. He snaked everybody. It's the equivalent to a...

21:25 Drew Buying some real estate in one of the markets down.

21:27 Adam Yeah, or just finding that Shelby Cobra that had been in the barn for 30 years at some old biddy selling for next to nothing. Okay, so that's like the rookie year. They're just trying to make the team. They're happy to be there. But then as they get into 18, 19, 20, they've had a couple of years under their belt, and they realize now, they're no longer just excited to make the team. They went to the Pro Bowl last year, and now they're getting flashy. They're getting cocky. You see this with pro athletes right through, and then they have that nice run right in the middle there, 17 to like 27, maybe 26, maybe 28. They're cocky, they're on top of the world. It's all pro and Super Bowl all the way. Then something happens. They lose just a little step. They're not quite as fast and they're 40.

22:18 Drew On the rookies coming in?

22:20 Adam There's a new, that rookie who they weren't worried about, because it was the first year and they were just hazing her and everything. Now, starting to get some playing time in. Starting to impress some coaches. Now she's 19 and the coaches are looking at her. Now this chick's getting close to 30. It's a young man's sport and they know it's going to be time to hang it up soon. All of a sudden, what happens in their later years if they're still playing, meaning single? They play for half the prize. They play on the punt and punt return team. They're happy just to platoon with another player and get some playing time in. They become humble. They're glad just to be on the squad at that point. And what's her name? Jenny at 23 is right in her. She knows she's hot and she may be doing this, but she knows she can. Do you see what I mean? I mean, you're right. It's a psychological problem. But on the other hand, if she knew the next guy came around, there wasn't going to be another guy for another two years, she'd think about it a little more. Jenny?

23:24 Caller Yes.

23:25 Drew All right. Is that true?

23:28 Caller I don't know if it's that.

23:30 Caller I like the thrill, the taste, I guess.

23:32 Adam Yeah.

23:32 Drew Are you an addict, alcoholic?

23:34 Caller No.

23:35 Drew Is there alcohol in your family?

23:36 Caller I don't do drugs.

23:37 Caller I drink C beers every once in a while, but I don't drink every time.

23:39 Adam Did your dad abandon you?

23:41 Caller No.

23:41 Adam All right. I mean, you're hot and there's a new guy around every corner. Why not if you're enjoying yourself?

23:48 Drew Yeah. You don't have to get into a relationship each time that you hook up with someone.

23:54 Caller I mean, most of my friends are starting to settle down.

23:57 Caller I have kids.

23:58 Drew Well, here are the common reasons those things don't happen. One is you're an alcoholic, you don't know it, but you're very highly rewarded by the experience of arousal. And so thrill and pursuits and that kind of thing are very, very compelling to you. And so you may as an addict begin going from experience to experience. The other is you had some loss or some trauma and intimacy is a very, very scary place for you. And you head towards it, you want it, but as you get near it, you veer off.

24:27 Adam You think that's true?

24:29 Caller Um, I don't think it's necessarily that.

24:32 Adam All right.

24:33 Drew Then just enjoy.

24:33 Adam She's 23, she's got a tight ass, with no cottage cheese on it, and she, she, she's. Now, listen, if some celebrity dude slides down, she'll hang on to him. But she knows the local cats, she can do it.

24:49 Drew Yeah.

24:49 Adam I mean, people, even women, and especially guys.

24:54 Drew Guys certainly do this, but women, some women do this. There's absolutely no doubt about it. But most feel that as sort of unfulfilling and ungratifying. And she's, and she's.

25:01 Adam That's kind of what she's saying, though.

25:02 Drew Yeah. And she's, and even she's feeling it, wondering, should I be or shouldn't I be? She'll get around to it.

25:06 Adam All right. We're going to take a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to John, who's 22, once his friend not to marry a stripper. We'll see if we can talk him out of it after this.

25:18 Caller Love Line, Love Line, 1-800-LOVE-191, we'll be right back.

25:51 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. So anyway there, Drew, I was in Vegas this morning. I flew back this evening. So, you know, I could be here, you know.

26:10 Drew You're a committed guy.

26:10 Adam For the kids, for the kids. I had a sort of ironic thing happen on the way back. Nothing big, but interesting to me. I was driving to the Vegas airport with a guy, Hispanic type guy, maybe in his mid-50s, early 60s. You know, you can't judge those ethnics. I mean.

26:31 Drew Because they look young.

26:32 Adam A Mexican guy could be 35 or he could be 85. And they look about this same age.

26:37 Drew Skin looks good.

26:38 Adam They work. Especially, you know, they look good. They grow that mustache, they get a little salt and pepper in their hair. It works. I mean, this guy was hot. Hot.

26:47 Drew So you got to tell the story about oral sex.

26:48 Adam Oh, yeah. Or something.

26:50 Drew What is happening here?

26:50 Adam So he was telling me he used to live in Van Nuys. And he grew up there in the 60s and 70s. I asked him if he went cruising. Because cruising was big. They'd all go up and down Van Nuys Boulevard in the cars. And he said, oh, yeah.

27:04 Drew But I mean, that's where that stuff was invented, right?

27:06 Adam Yep. California, I guess. Hot rod and all that stuff. This guy said, I said, what kind of car do you have? He said he had a Dodge. He had a 1970 Super B Dodge. Those were those big ones that looked like Daytonas and they had the Road Runner. It had a 426 Hemi in it. Wow. Like the creme de la creme of muscle cars. That car is worth 75 grand today. Wow. You don't know what a Hemi is. You never heard of a Hemi?

27:38 Drew I've heard of a Hemi.

27:39 Adam Really?

27:39 Drew I've never heard of a Super B. I've heard of a Road Runner.

27:42 Adam You think a Hemi is something that holds the bottom of your pants up?

27:45 Drew No, I've heard of Hemi.

27:46 Adam Okay. Anyway, this guy, I said, how old were you when you got that car? He said 17. I said, where did you get it? He said, bought it new from the dealer. I said, you were 17 years old. You're driving around in 1970, lime green, Super B.

28:04 Drew Or an orange?

28:05 Adam Yeah, they came in purple, orange, and green. You don't mean those huge Daytones with a 426 Hemi. It had 425 horsepower in it.

28:14 Drew Weighed 47,000 pounds.

28:17 Adam 17 years old. Just bought it. I said, how did you afford it? He said, it was cheap, 3,500 bucks. I was like, oh my God. So anyway, here's the irony. He's telling me he used to go out and they'd go up and down Van Nuys Boulevard and they'd go drag racing. Later on, he took the Hemi and he brought it into this famous engine builder named Keith Black and they ported it out and they put a hot cam in it and they did something with the induction and they got up to about 650 horsepower. Meanwhile, we're going 19 miles an hour. Okay? I don't know what it is. The more we start talking about this guy's hot rod on days, the slower we get and I'm trying to make a flight and we're just crawling and it's one of those Vegas boulevards where there's nothing but straight for as far as the eye can see and the road's about half a mile wide and it's about 80 miles like I can see my house from Vegas. It's so goddamn straight and I can actually see the earth drop off at the end of it and start curving and he's going like 24 miles an hour, 22. We're down at 19. Cars are like flying past us. He's looking straight ahead but the more he talked about that old Dodge, the slower we got and then it's one of those things where Vegas, they have signals where if you don't make the signal, you should just go up to your room, take a nap and then come back because they have like an eight way signals with 15 arrows and three of them are pointing down and you don't make that signal, you're camped and who were coming up to that big intersection, he's slowing down and I'm looking at that light and I'm seeing the don't walk thing flash. I'm this close just to diving over the seat and hitting the pedal with my hand. You know, now we miss it but had that 426 Hemi in that SuperB.

30:00 Drew Well here's one of the ironies is that when he got up to 650, he was still cruising 14 miles an hour.

30:05 Adam No, he'd actually slowed down a little bit at that point.

30:07 Drew No, no, but I mean he would take it out and cruise.

30:09 Adam Oh, no.

30:09 Drew 14 miles an hour down Van Nuys Boulevard.

30:11 Adam Drew, you didn't let gas go there, did you? Oh, my God.

30:15 Caller Oh, dear Lord.

30:18 Adam Oh, it's so funny.

30:22 Caller Drew farted!

30:25 Adam Drew farted in here, buddy.

30:28 Wow!

30:30 Adam Wow! How did you let me continue with that story?

30:33 Caller Oh, my God.

30:35 Caller No.

30:37 Adam Oh, man. I mean, I'm breathing through a shirt and a sweater and it's not doing anything.

30:44 These days, all of that meanness is going to snap back and slap you right in the face.

30:48 Caller Oh, come on, we're all adults here.

30:49 Adam Drew, just drop the daisy cutter. Wow!

30:54 Caller Wow!

30:55 Adam Wow! What was that? What is that?

30:59 Caller What are you eating?

31:01 Adam Jesus Christ! You eating like a metamucil and manure? What could you eat that would possibly do that to you? Got some matches.

31:12 Caller Oh!

31:14 Caller Oh!

31:16 Oh!

31:17 Adam Wow! Jesus! I can't focus. What are we doing?

31:24 Drew Come on, you're an adult.

31:26 Adam Talk to John for a second. I got to get ready for a second. Wow!

31:30 Drew Wow!

31:31 Caller Oh!

31:32 Wow!

31:34 Drew John?

31:35 Caller Yes?

31:35 Drew What's going on?

31:35 Caller Dr. Drew? Hey, what's up? My best friend has been dating a stripper now for the past two years, and recently he told me that they're getting married, and I want advice to-

31:44 Adam Unacceptable!

31:45 Caller I'm not-

31:46 Adam Unacceptable!

31:47 Caller What's unacceptable?

31:48 Drew No, no, it's just Anderson dropping in a recording, but let me understand, they've been dating how long?

31:52 Caller They've been dating now for two years.

31:54 Drew And she's a stripper?

31:55 Caller And she's a stripper.

31:56 Drew And he wants to get married now?

31:57 Caller And he wants to get married now, and I'm against it. And I'm taking a guess that he's gonna ask me to be the best man. And if he does, I'm probably gonna say no.

32:02 Drew Really?

32:03 Caller Yeah, because I don't think that a stripper lifestyle can do this to a positive marriage.

32:07 Drew Well, there are reasons people make choices to engage in activities like that, and sometimes they can get better. I mean, it's not as though every stripper can never have a marriage and can never have a life after their stripping career. It says something about... Listen, I told you they'd be payback for what you put me through, right?

32:26 Adam Wow!

32:26 Drew Didn't I tell you?

32:28 Adam What?

32:28 Drew I told you they'd be payback for what you put me through.

32:30 Adam You've made your point. It's enough now.

32:34 All right.

32:36 Adam John?

32:37 Yes?

32:38 Adam You're calling about Drew's fired?

32:40 Drew No, I'm not.

32:41 Caller Oh.

32:42 Adam OK, then why are we talking?

32:44 Drew His friend has been with a stripper for two years. They want to get married. He thinks he's going to be asked to be the best man. He's going to say no.

32:51 Adam Yeah. Is she done stripping?

32:54 Caller No, she's still stripping.

32:56 Adam Topless and bottomless or just topless?

32:58 Caller Just topless.

32:59 Adam Yeah, that's not so bad. So is she chaotic outside of this occupation?

33:07 Caller I'm not sure. I really don't like her a whole lot.

33:09 Adam Why? Why don't you like her?

33:11 Caller Because, you know, she's a stripper. She has a bad attitude and I think she probably is a partier.

33:14 Adam Well, listen, John, not all strippers are evil.

33:17 Drew I mean, again, I'm concerned that you're sitting in judgment of her.

33:21 Adam Yeah, that's what he sounds like he's doing. Are you a religious guy?

33:24 Caller Yeah, I'm a religious guy.

33:25 Adam All right.

33:26 Drew But I mean, is this from a religious perspective that you judge her or is it?

33:29 Caller Well, no, I'm just looking out for my best friend. I mean, I want my best friend.

33:31 Drew Yeah, I understand that. But I think if you really want to do what's right for your friend, certainly it's reasonable to raise these concerns and to get him to look realistically at his choices. But beyond that, it's up to him. It's his life. And you should be the best man after you've raised those issues. If he still wants to be the best man, I think you should be.

33:49 Adam John, why are you so uptight? You sound uptight.

33:52 Caller No, I'm not uptight. I mean, I just want... I don't think that their marriage would last a long time.

33:56 Drew Yeah, but that's up to them, though.

33:57 Adam None of them do. But what did this specifically, besides stripping, what did this person do to you?

34:04 Caller Nothing.

34:04 Adam Or do to him?

34:06 Caller Nothing. I'm just looking out for my best friend. No, we hear that.

34:08 Adam We get that. I know you're just... Listen, goofball, you're just looking out for your best friend based on nothing?

34:14 Caller Based on the fact that she's a stripper.

34:16 Adam That's not enough.

34:17 Caller That's not enough? Okay, so if your best friend was marrying a stripper, you'd be all good with that?

34:22 Adam Yeah, I wouldn't care.

34:23 Caller You wouldn't care?

34:24 Adam No, if I thought she was a good person.

34:26 Drew But if someone asked you, you might raise some concerns.

34:29 Adam Well, listen, it definitely raises an eyebrow, and it's worse than a librarian, but it's not a death sentence. You know what I mean?

34:38 Drew It means something. It's not the fact that she's a stripper, it's what it's a symptom of, it's what it means.

34:42 Adam Yes, it could mean something, and I agree with John and you to say that it probably means there's a little more there. But I would make an effort to get to know her, and if I thought she was a good person, then I would give it my blessing. I would do it based on what you thought of her as a person. So maybe you should get to know her, John, and then if you still don't like her, then don't be the best man.

35:07 Caller Okay, thanks for the advice, Adam.

35:08 Drew All right, good luck.

35:09 Adam Just get to know her.

35:10 Drew I'd be honest with him. Don't just turn down the best man position and not explain to him why.

35:16 Adam Well, I don't know why. Who cares? By the way, so you're the best man. What do you got to do? Marry her?

35:22 Drew Well, he doesn't want to endorse it. But I think he should raise his objections strongly and if he still wants, the friend still wants him to be the best man.

35:31 Adam Yeah, listen, he's right. Most strippers are kooky. If he had said, interestingly enough, if he'd said bottomless, I would have said forget it because that's extra kooky. But she could be a decent person and he should find out. Mike, I don't know if she's going to like him though. Hold on. I mean, Drew, you didn't, nothing else came out of it, right? How did you even know anymore? Maybe your ass just opened up and something crawled out.

35:57 Drew Could be. Just a spirit entered the room here.

35:59 Adam If you were her.

36:00 Drew You were the one that crapped yourself the other day, I'll remind you.

36:02 Adam Decent point. I got that waiting for me, by the way. I didn't tend to that before I left.

36:08 Drew Great.

36:08 Adam Yeah. If you were the stripper, would you like Mike though?

36:12 Drew As your best man? How about that? It's her wedding too.

36:14 Adam Would you like to hang with Mike?

36:16 Caller No.

36:18 Adam No. You wouldn't want to hang with Mike if you were in an iron lung. Okay. Mike? Oh, not this Mike, the other Mike. Wasn't the other Mike Mike?

36:28 Drew He dropped up the screen.

36:29 Adam Hey, you. What's up there, Mike? You're 24.

36:33 Caller Oh, hey. How are you doing? Good.

36:35 Adam How are you? Well, I was better. I've been better.

36:38 Caller You're fine.

36:38 Adam Wow, Drew. Wow. That's all I got to say.

36:42 Caller Well, hey, you guys made a talk about this last night. I'm on a day delay. But I heard you mentioned something about John Walker. I've been wondering myself on what exactly would drive an American to do something like that. That seems a little unusual.

36:58 Drew Yeah, it does.

36:59 Adam Well, you know, I think we get caught up a little in the way that these psychological defects, these emotional disorders present themselves.

37:12 Caller Right.

37:12 Adam You know, people go, what would cause a guy to kill his own mother? What would cause a guy to join the Taliban? You know, it's all the same thing. It's just screwed up mentally. Some guys go into the church and molest preschoolers, and some guys kill their parents. Other guys get into producing. The worst of them come to Hollywood. I think this is just your run-of-the-mill guy with a screwed up disposition, I mean, with a disorder, and he could have easily just stayed out here and done gay porn or killed his parents or got into the Wiccan religion, or showed up at the medieval renaissance fairs. He could have ended up at any of these places. He just took a unique outlet.

38:02 Drew In my experience, there are two common threads in these kinds of situations. One is the Unabomber type syndrome, which is somebody has a thought disorder, they're paranoid, they withdraw from people, and they look for very peculiar ways to express themselves after that. The other is people who are tremendously empty, who have severely...

38:24 Adam Drew, you're empty now, aren't you, buddy? I heard you say that.

38:27 Drew My nose is full. You better be empty. And in the emptiness, the emptiness then gets filled by them subjugating any sense of self to a larger whole, a system, like a cult. People that are prime candidates for cult membership are these kinds of people.

38:46 Caller So in a kind of layman's terms nutshell, he's just basically doing it to feel cool and good about himself.

38:53 Drew He's making, you know, he's good about himself. That's right. It's his way of managing feelings.

38:57 Adam It's probably a combo between emptiness and aggression.

39:01 Drew Really when you get right down to it, basically what all behavior is, well, not all behavior, for the most part, any sort of organized, routine lifestyle behaviors are ways to manage feelings. Just ways to feel good about yourself.

39:13 Adam I don't know. What should we do with this guy?

39:16 Drew John Walker?

39:17 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

39:18 Drew I don't know.

39:21 Adam I mean, you feel like, well, maybe we should just shoot him. But on the other hand, you go, well, this guy probably has a little disorder.

39:29 Drew So he ought to be tested to see if he's sick. Maybe the parents ought to be shot.

39:34 Adam Right. Maybe they have a disorder.

39:36 Drew Then I wonder, here's a guy that fired on American troops.

39:40 Adam Did he do that?

39:41 Drew Yeah. Apparently, I understand that's being considered as probable what he did. What would have happened to an American serviceman who did that? Think about it. How does that make them feel? If they were to turn their guns on someone, that'd be it. Why shouldn't the enemy be treated? You know what I'm saying?

39:56 Adam You mean if an American serviceman turned his guns on his comrades, be game over? Right.

40:05 Drew Why is it not like that for this guy? Because he's not a serviceman?

40:09 Adam Who the hell knows?

40:10 Drew I don't know anything about this.

40:11 Adam All right. Now, we'll test the guy, and hopefully he'll step on the landmine or something over there. Listen, did they even shoot at us over there, those idiots? Were they ever in any kind of realistic range to even do anything?

40:25 Drew I don't know.

40:25 Adam I've said it once, I'll say it a thousand times, we kill more of our own people than they kill in the last five wars we've been in, and that means we are so badass. It's unbelievable. Think about, just close your eyes. Close your eyes, picture any time and period with any empire, and have me say, you know what, the last handful of conflicts they've been in, let's just say five conflicts they've been in, they have taken more of their own, by mistake, through their superior weapons than the enemy has taken of them. How badass is that? I mean, that's not even close. We kill 300 of our guys in an average war and they kill 11. And they don't even kill 11, they kill three. You know how they kill people? A Huey helicopter sucks a rock into its inlet valve and the thing goes down. That's how they kill us. They didn't even throw the rock. We have mechanical malfunctions. That's how they, they pray, they pray that that spark plug sees. You know what I'm saying?

41:34 Drew Yeah. I hear what you're saying. It's very interesting.

41:36 Adam All right. All right. But don't worry. I'll be stepping in any moment now. Any moment now, he'll take his mighty sword and clean those infidels off your soil. Just getting ready to make his move. Just needs a few more of you guys rounded up, a few more of you whizzing in your pants and getting hypothermia in a cave, just maybe another handful more. Or maybe all is waiting for us to kill more of our own before we end this war.

42:04 Drew That'll teach us.

42:05 Adam Yeah, they should string this war out because each day that goes by, we kill like a quarter. We'll kill like a guy every four days. All right, Drew, speaking of killing, no more farting, please. Please.

42:18 Drew If you behave.

42:19 Adam Hey man, this ain't radio talk, this is man to man.

42:22 Drew I'm serious.

42:23 Adam All right, we'll take a break.

42:28 Caller Um, back in a minute.

42:58 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. That's my theme song in the background. Yeah. Yeah, making the scene. Velvet rope parting. Security ushering me in.

43:10 Drew You in.

43:11 Adam Paparazzi with the snap in the flash bulbs everywhere. Me making my way through the throng. Hot chicks checking me out.

43:21 Drew And this is what they see when they do.

43:27 Caller Oh, shoot.

43:30 Drew Yep, there are those hot chicks checking you out.

43:32 Adam All right. All righty. Oh, Drew. Oh, this is Drew's theme here. Drew, that thing that came out of your ass was acid rock. It was not a symphony, you hear me? Let me tell you about High School Ball. You know what they called me? Captain Crunch.

43:54 Drew No.

43:54 Adam Yeah, yeah, I was captain of the defense.

43:57 Drew No.

43:58 Adam All Central Valley first team. And you know what? No. My parents, they never went to one game. Not a one game.

44:06 Caller No.

44:06 Adam You understand? No. I was out on the gridiron. No. I was busting my ass for more college high, and they didn't go to one game, Drew.

44:15 Drew Dear God, no.

44:15 Adam Do you know what made me feel inside?

44:17 Drew How that, Adam?

44:18 Adam I'll tell you. Well, my stepmother made me shower with the hose outside. Do you understand? I had a bar of soap sitting next to a hose bib out there. You know what that does to me?

44:32 Caller Well, you were off to college.

44:35 Adam Well, you were rubbing elbows with the elite.

44:51 Drew You better stop. I'm percolating.

44:53 Adam Okay, all right, sorry, sorry.

44:56 Drew Good, I like that. All right. Ooh, this is good.

44:59 Adam Did something come out of you?

45:00 Drew No, but just even the suggestion, you're like, behave yourself. This is awesome. When did they put you in the garage?

45:05 Adam It smells like a rancid onion in here, Drew. You must have eaten some onion tonight. It is so bad.

45:14 Drew Are you crying?

45:16 Adam Katelyn.

45:19 Drew Katelyn, Katelyn. Katelyn? All right.

45:23 Caller You guys are so funny.

45:25 I'm just sitting here laughing my ass off.

45:27 Adam Good times, man.

45:27 You guys are just like way too funny. It's been a while since I listened to you, but I love you so, you know.

45:32 Adam All right. You're 14. What's up?

45:36 Caller Well, the other day, my friend was looking really depressed and she wouldn't talk to me. Finally, I took her aside in the corner and I asked her what was wrong. She started crying and she told me that she was bulimic. Yeah. Earlier that day, she had puked up blood and she stood up. Like her body was numb and she thought she was going to die.

45:56 Drew Well, she could. She needs to go to the hospital.

45:59 Caller Yeah, that was a couple of days ago, though. And she's fine now, but I'm really worried about her.

46:03 Drew Well, she's not fine. What happens is when people are bulimic, they force themselves to vomit, obviously, and it can cause tearing in the esophagus. And that bleeding from those tears can be brisk and you can bleed to death. So it is something that needs to be dealt with.

46:17 Caller Okay.

46:17 Adam Yeah. All right.

46:18 Drew And obviously, her bulimia on other levels is life threatening and needs to be dealt with and treated.

46:23 Adam How old is she?

46:24 Caller She's 14.

46:25 Adam Okay.

46:25 Drew Could you tell her parents?

46:27 Caller Did I?

46:27 Drew Could you?

46:28 Caller Would I?

46:29 Drew Would that be helpful?

46:31 Caller I don't know.

46:31 Caller Her mother knew at the beginning of the year that she was doing it.

46:33 Drew Yeah. But does she know that she's barfing up blood now?

46:35 Caller Oh, no. As far as I know, no.

46:37 Drew Well, at least tell the parents. Give them a chance to do their work.

46:40 Caller I just found out, though. And what frustrates me is that other people have known since the beginning of the year. And it's like they didn't try to do anything.

46:46 Drew Well, there's not a lot you can do with this disease, unfortunately. Someone has to really want help.

46:51 Adam And she doesn't know what they've tried exactly either, perhaps. So you're her friend. You know what's going on. Talk to her parents. You'll save her life. And we'll be back.

47:05 Um, back in a minute.

47:41 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Drew, it smells like somebody took a, put a grenade, now, put like an M80, and just a big pile of Hippo Flop.

47:54 Drew Nice.

47:55 Adam And then put it into a hamper and blew it up. If this smells like the inside of that hamper.

48:01 Drew Nice.

48:01 Adam Drew farted in here, had to be a half hour ago. Still bad. I'm not making this up. Drew, am I lying? You noticed something when you walked in.

48:12 Drew I mean, I've met the smell of matches. Smells like sulfur plant.

48:16 Adam I got to survive. I mean, it's all cloth in here. I think it's trapped. It's trapped in the fabric.

48:22 Drew I've had some nice experiences with you here. Hey man. I'm flattering you.

48:28 Adam I know. But we're cool, right?

48:31 Drew We'll see.

48:32 Adam Hey, seriously buddy. I mean, I know.

48:33 Drew Seriously.

48:33 Adam Well, I mean, listen, I break your balls, but that's just part of the act. I mean, we're cool, right?

48:38 Drew Right, right now, yeah. But don't, don't have to be mad.

48:41 Adam Oh, no, man.

48:42 Drew Okay. You cool?

48:43 Adam No, man. I mean, you know, you respect my ass. I respect your anus. And, you know, we're cool that way, right?

48:49 Drew Yes, works out right.

48:51 Adam Buddy?

48:51 Caller Sure.

48:53 Adam Erica?

48:54 Caller Yes.

48:54 Adam You're 28?

48:55 Caller Yes.

48:56 Adam What's up?

48:58 Caller I just had a question, like, okay, like, I don't even know where to start. I have this, I don't know if my ex-boyfriend, I guess, but we still sleep together. And it's been going on for like 11 years.

49:13 Drew How long has he been your ex?

49:15 Caller Probably for the last four or five years. We got two kids.

49:20 Drew Oh, boy. Are you, do you believe that somehow he's going to come back to you just because he's sleeping with you?

49:26 Caller I don't know.

49:27 Drew Do you want him to come back to you?

49:31 Caller I don't know.

49:32 Adam Well, why wouldn't you? What's wrong with him?

49:36 Caller I don't know what he wants yet.

49:38 Adam What's wrong with him?

49:39 Drew Why wouldn't you want him back?

49:41 Caller Because of all the girls he's been with.

49:43 Drew So he doesn't, he can't be in a monogamous relationship and that is impossible for you?

49:47 Caller Well, the thing is that I found a list of all the girls that he's been with and I confronted it to him and he said that it was in the past and he's been playing the field and he's ready to make a commitment.

50:05 Drew Then after you slept with him, what did he do?

50:07 Caller I didn't sleep with him yet. I'm still mad at him.

50:10 Caller All right.

50:11 Adam How many girls were on the list?

50:13 Caller Um, like 30. And I was his first.

50:18 Drew Oh, but he made a list of people he had slept with?

50:20 Adam Yeah, he found a list.

50:21 Drew The list?

50:22 Adam Yeah.

50:22 Drew Oh, every guy has a list?

50:24 Adam Well, a lot of guys do.

50:25 Drew The list? Not in their head, but they had to write it down?

50:27 Caller Well, he knew some of the last names, but some of them he didn't even know the last name. And I was like, oh my God, I even know some of these people. I mean, they're girls, they're not women, they're...

50:38 Adam Twelve and thirteen year olds?

50:40 Caller No.

50:41 Adam All right. Hey, listen, mama. Mama, you got two kids. Stop acting like a high schooler.

50:49 Caller I know.

50:49 Adam What are you doing? How old are those kids?

50:53 Caller Six and nine.

50:54 Adam I pray they're girls. Are they girls?

50:56 Caller I want boy and a girl.

50:58 Adam All right. You sterilize a girl and you keep the boys. You put them in prison now. So we don't have to go find them later.

51:05 Caller Well, the thing is that he said he wants to get married now.

51:09 Adam He does?

51:09 Caller Yes.

51:10 Drew Why? Because you cut him off sexually?

51:12 Caller I don't know.

51:13 Drew Did you cut him off?

51:16 Caller He said-

51:16 Drew Did you cut him off?

51:18 Caller Like what? Sexually?

51:18 Drew Yeah.

51:19 Caller Well, right now I'm mad at him.

51:21 Drew When did you cut him off?

51:22 Adam Stop trying to talk.

51:23 Drew But you know what I'm saying? When she cut him off, we don't know what's going on.

51:25 Adam But listen, I have a better time using a fire, an Indian blanket to talk to Erica. Erica, listen, if you've been carrying on with this guy for 11 years, right? Don't worry about whatever his past is. Hopefully, it's his past, okay?

51:43 Drew I don't believe this guy.

51:46 Adam When is the last time he slept with another woman? Do you know?

51:49 Caller He said it hasn't been a-

51:51 Adam Do you know?

51:53 Drew What?

51:54 Caller I'm just confused. I love him to death. He's the only man I ever loved.

52:02 Drew Yeah, but he's not who you- he's not who- the fantasy that you built. He's not that fantasy. He's not that person.

52:08 Adam Well, he says he wants to get married. Why don't you just get married?

52:12 Caller But I'm afraid that I'm getting hurt. Like, he'd probably cheat on me and-

52:19 Adam Yeah.

52:19 Drew Right. So what's not to love about this guy?

52:21 Adam All right.

52:21 Drew He's an awful guy.

52:22 Adam Listen, these kids need a dad. What's this guy do for a living? Drive a forklift? Yeah.

52:29 Drew Seriously?

52:30 Caller Yes. And he's like-

52:33 Drew Wait a minute. It's just a moment. Just take a moment. Take a beat here and kiss Adam's ass a little bit. How did you get forklift out of this?

52:41 Adam I'll tell you how I got forklift. I thought, what does this guy do for a living? And I immediately went to one of the trades. Carpenter, drywaller. And then I thought, no, he drives a truck. And then I thought, no, he doesn't drive a truck. He drives something and he probably drives something that moves. You know, I had the drywall and the movement. And the middle of that was a forklift. What's he do with that forklift?

53:11 Caller I don't know.

53:13 Drew He's wrote this again. Boxes and stuff.

53:15 Adam Hold on, let me write that down. Boxes and stuff.

53:18 Drew This is what you mentioned last night about women having a clear idea about what their dads and their male partners do.

53:23 Adam All right, listen. Here's the deal. You have to establish a steady environment for those kids. You have to take care of those kids. And if this guy's a troublemaker, then he doesn't belong in their life. But if he wants to make amends, and he wants to get married, and he wants to become spiritual or religious and start becoming a good family man, then you can do that.

53:51 Drew But if it's just that you sort of cut him off physically, that he suddenly...

53:55 Caller No, but this is like the first time he's ever said that to me.

53:57 Adam All right, doesn't he want to be the father of these kids?

54:00 Caller Yes, and his daughter, that's his... I mean, she's so into her dad, daddy's girl.

54:07 Drew Does the son belong to him?

54:09 Caller Yes.

54:10 Adam Okay, listen, no more kids, though. Do you understand me?

54:13 Caller Yes, I know.

54:14 Adam Okay, all right, no more kids, and look, baby, I know you got a lot of energy, but just let it go. Just let it go. Stop thinking about the list. Start thinking about creating a family for these kids, okay? All right, so just forgive him.

54:29 Drew I don't trust that he's going to fall through on the marriage thing, though.

54:31 Adam I don't know. He's not a great guy, but half this list could have been compiled over 10 years.

54:39 Drew Yeah, I understand. I understand. But I just get the bad guy from it. Who knows?

54:44 Adam Listen, I got forklift from this guy.

54:46 Drew Yeah. So you've got a pretty good read on him.

54:48 Adam Yeah. I don't know how that stuff works. How often do I say forklift?

54:52 Drew Never.

54:53 Adam I say truck, and I say construction.

54:57 Drew How about working at the batting cage? Remember that one?

55:00 Yeah. Yeah.

55:03 Drew That was the best one of all time. And the girl who was...

55:07 Adam The girl whose boyfriend did work at the batting cage was not impressed with my dad.

55:11 Drew None of them would stop her monologue. She wouldn't stop her diatribe.

55:16 Adam I know. All right.

55:18 Drew Louis?

55:19 Caller Yeah?

55:19 Adam What's up?

55:21 Caller Oh, yeah. I want to know why am I always like horny, you know?

55:27 Adam Hey, put your goof-off buddies on the phone, would you, please?

55:30 Drew Yeah, absolutely.

55:31 Adam No.

55:31 Drew Yeah.

55:32 Adam Screwball.

55:33 Drew I wonder if in the same house is Randy. Is Randy over there with you?

55:37 Caller Who?

55:38 Adam Louis, put your buddy on the phone.

55:40 Caller Oh, she's gone.

55:41 Adam Oh. Put him on the phone.

55:44 Drew No, she's gone. Randy's gone.

55:46 Adam No, it's not Randy. Look, I heard you start the recorder. Do you hear me, goofball?

55:52 Caller Yeah.

55:54 Adam So, please stop wasting everyone's time.

55:56 Caller All right.

55:56 Adam You beat off and go to bed. I heard him hit the switch to record the call.

56:03 Drew Yeah.

56:04 Adam She's this my karma. I sit in Vegas all week making prank phone calls and now this. Wes?

56:12 Yeah, what's up dude? I need to break up with my girlfriend.

56:15 Adam All right. You have our blessing.

56:17 Okay. Well, the thing is, before I met her, I knew all of her exes except I didn't know that they were her exes.

56:26 Drew You're gay.

56:27 I'm not gay.

56:28 Adam Drew says you're gay.

56:30 I don't care.

56:31 Adam Well, Drew's right.

56:32 Drew I didn't say anything, Wes. Keep going.

56:34 Okay. Anyway, so it comes out that she's been around with all my best friends.

56:42 Adam All righty.

56:42 That's not good.

56:43 Drew What do you mean get around with? What happened with them?

56:46 Well, let's just say she's been around.

56:50 Drew No, let's not. Let's not.

56:52 Adam All right. Hold on. Let's just put you on hold for just a few minutes, all right?

56:55 Right.

56:56 Adam All right. Well, I think what he's saying is, is she's probably had a physical encounter with them.

57:05 Drew I'd be curious what that means and what his level of sort of anxiety and paranoid is about this stuff.

57:09 Adam West, is she had sex with these guys or fooled around with them?

57:13 Caller Actually sex, yeah.

57:14 Adam Actual sex.

57:15 Drew How did you find out about it?

57:17 Caller Well, I went and talked to them. Okay, see, first guy comes up when I'm hanging out with her, he goes, oh, you and Monica are going out. I was like, yeah. So I talked to him later and he told me all about it, which was sick because just thought of him naked is. So I go and I'm talking to my friends, I'm telling them about Monica. All of them have gone out with her and Monica.

57:41 Adam Yeah, Monica, are you? That's another don't want to put her last name in there and name of the high school you guys are from.

57:49 Drew Maybe he's out of it enough that might be real. You know what I mean?

57:52 Adam Yeah, I don't care. I just don't want him to, you know, shout out her. Yeah, her name, her Christian name, for Christ's sake. Okay, so she's been around with your boys and you want to break up. He doesn't sound like he's been late though.

58:07 Drew Right, so this is another situation where if you talk to Monica, she might not say that she has a boyfriend.

58:13 Adam Wes? Yeah? Have you had sex with her?

58:16 Caller Yes, I have.

58:17 Adam Alright.

58:18 Drew Bogus.

58:19 Adam Bogus. Bogus, this is not the voice, this is the voice of a virgin, Wes.

58:26 Caller My ass.

58:26 Adam You have never gotten your pepe wet a day in your life, if not counting the kiddie pool.

58:32 Caller My ass.

58:35 Adam You are so busted.

58:37 Drew Well, we have my put my peepee in and then she feels like tummy pain.

58:42 Adam See, Wes has never been laid. I know that voice.

58:46 Drew We're never wrong about that one either.

58:48 Caller No.

58:49 Adam Alright.

58:50 Drew Well, wish someone could actually chronicle our data.

58:53 Adam Everyone just break up with everyone.

58:58 Drew The deal is for Wes is if he is involved, he needs to look realistically. I bet if there was a Monica, if we talked to her, she would say she didn't have a boyfriend.

59:07 Adam Interesting. Greg. Greg, you're 24. You're losing my voice. You at work?

59:15 Caller Yes, I am.

59:16 Adam You work at a convenience store?

59:17 Caller No, I do not.

59:18 Adam Gas station?

59:19 Caller No, I do not.

59:21 Adam What did I hear in the background?

59:23 Caller I don't know.

59:25 Adam All right, Greg, what's up? Where are you working?

59:28 Caller I'm up in Bel Air.

59:30 Caller Where?

59:32 Adam What do you do?

59:32 Caller What are you doing?

59:34 Caller I shouldn't really say.

59:35 Adam Well, what do you do?

59:36 Caller Security.

59:38 Adam Did I hear a ding-dong like somebody came in or passed something?

59:41 Caller Yeah, when cars drive by, a ding-dong.

59:44 Adam Okay. Just go ahead and announce that when I'm confused.

59:49 Caller Okay.

59:49 Adam I heard the ding-dong like someone walks into a 7-Eleven.

59:52 Caller Gotcha. I don't even hear it anymore.

59:54 Adam Oh, okay. What's up there, Greg?

59:57 Caller Well, I've been seeing this girl for a couple of months now, and she has a lot of guy friends that she hangs out with, and they do stuff together. I guess I kind of have a problem with that. I mean, not too much. I just have a problem when she goes out with them alone. Like when she goes out with one guy friend, and they go to a movie or something. I know the guys actually like her.

1:00:18 Adam How do you know they like her?

1:00:19 Caller Because she says so.

1:00:20 Drew Oh boy. How long have you been going out with her?

1:00:22 Caller It's a month.

1:00:23 Drew How much?

1:00:24 Caller Two months.

1:00:25 Drew Two months.

1:00:25 Adam How old is she?

1:00:26 Caller She's 18 and she's in college.

1:00:28 Adam Have you had sex with her?

1:00:29 Caller Yeah.

1:00:30 Adam You have?

1:00:31 Drew Wait, wait, wait, wait. You're just dating. She's dating lots of people.

1:00:35 Caller Well, no. She says she's completely monogamous with me, and she says it's not like that. They're just friends. Just that and the other thing.

1:00:41 Adam Are these guys she knew from high school?

1:00:44 Caller Some of them. Like, and for instance, like tomorrow, she's going out with her ex-boyfriend. She was, you know, back at her parents' place for the holidays.

1:00:54 Adam Hey, Greg.

1:00:55 Caller Yeah.

1:00:55 Adam Let me, let me see. Hold on a second. See, Drew, what I got to do now is I got to assess the number here to find out whether she's here.

1:01:04 Drew The numbers match? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

1:01:06 Adam Now, he's working swing shift in a security box. So that's probably bad.

1:01:11 Drew Yeah, she's 18 in college.

1:01:13 Adam And she's in college. She may be Belle of the Ball.

1:01:17 Drew That's what I'm saying. She's just dating.

1:01:18 Adam Greg?

1:01:19 Caller Yeah?

1:01:19 Adam Um, where did you meet her?

1:01:21 Caller Uh, I met her through a friend that goes to college with her.

1:01:25 Adam And does she go to a regular college?

1:01:28 Caller Yeah.

1:01:28 Adam Like which one?

1:01:29 Caller A university here in Southern California.

1:01:31 Adam Alright. Could be like UCLA or USC or something like that?

1:01:35 Caller Yeah, something like that.

1:01:36 Adam Alright. And what about you? You're working security?

1:01:39 Caller Yeah.

1:01:40 Adam You're going to college?

1:01:41 Caller Uh, I did. I went to Davis for a few years, but it didn't work out.

1:01:45 Adam You see Davis.

1:01:47 Caller Huh?

1:01:47 Adam That's a good school.

1:01:48 Caller It is a good school.

1:01:48 Adam And do you have hopes and dreams?

1:01:52 Caller Not at the moment.

1:01:53 Adam Well, what would you like to be doing? Something other than security, right?

1:01:56 Caller Well, I was, I mean, I was working in Silicon Valley for a while on some high-tech stuff, like particle accelerator machines, ion implant machines.

1:02:04 Adam Right.

1:02:04 Caller And it kind of fell through. I was commuting from Sacramento to Silicon Valley every day, and I just couldn't handle it. My grandma got real sick, so I came down here to take care of her, and the only job I could really get is security. Wow.

1:02:16 Adam And, and so, but do you drive a decent car? Do you have a little money in the bank?

1:02:22 Caller I drive a fairly decent car and I have some money. I was out of work for three months.

1:02:26 Drew They built linear accelerators.

1:02:28 Adam I know.

1:02:28 Drew Well, you weren't doing security.

1:02:30 Caller I worked on them, I refurbished them, ion implant machine.

1:02:33 Adam Right. Well, so, and now you're, you're working.

1:02:36 Caller Now I'm working security, doesn't it sound pretty bad?

1:02:38 Adam Subterranean parking over at some high-rise in Well, it's fine. Okay. I'm just trying to figure out, are you, are you a good looking man?

1:02:47 Caller Um, I'm not horribly looking.

1:02:48 Adam Yeah, but you can't be too hot if you know enough about particle acceleration.

1:02:53 Caller Yeah, I probably fit the stereotype of a normal guy.

1:02:56 Adam Is she good looking?

1:02:57 Caller Oh, she's fairly good looking, yeah.

1:02:59 Adam Is, would she be in demand out in the open market?

1:03:03 Drew Yeah.

1:03:04 Adam Hmm. So it might be, see here's the thing, there will be a swing in power, but right now you work in the photo booth at the front of the parking lot and her going to frat mixers, it's a bad, bad power mix.

1:03:21 Drew Fast forward eight years, he owns a chip company.

1:03:24 Adam Right.

1:03:24 Drew Yeah.

1:03:25 Adam Right. And she's got three kids and is missing four teeth.

1:03:29 Caller Yeah. I mean, it would probably revert to that because I know she's in that phase, you know, be young, have fun, go to parties.

1:03:34 Adam Right. All right. Well, Greg, I would, I would trust her for the time being. I would keep your both eyes open. And I would say to her though, if she said she's your girlfriend, hey, it's, you know, Friday night, where are we going out?

1:03:48 Drew That and some of the stuff bothers me. There's certain I can tolerate some of it. Some of I can't as boyfriend, girlfriend, we're supposed to protect each other's feelings, care about how each other feels.

1:03:58 Adam Drew, you've been there and Lord knows, I've not only been there, I lived there for many years, which is you feel that you know the answer is going to be no, or pack it and move on if you start putting the screws to somebody. There's you have those relationships, you're not exactly sure where you're at, it's two months, her score is a little higher than yours, she's acting out a little bit and you know if you put the screws to her and say, hey baby, what's up, it's my way, the highway, she's just going to go.

1:04:31 Drew It's even worse because I've come over to situations where you started getting anxious and putting the screws to it and they go, they first they want to argue about it and then they're going to do it anyway, under the radar and it's going to be a little worse because you've made them feel somehow like they deserve better.

1:04:50 Adam And it's the kind of thing, at least, I've found, which is they're not going to break up with you on the spot. They'll just nod their head and smile and then next weekend they'll roll around and all of a sudden you've called them eight times and they'll call you back. They just start drifting out. They just sign off on you.

1:05:06 Drew Then you get desperate.

1:05:07 Adam Yeah. Yeah. You know what you are? You're like some foreign exchange student or some roommate, some friend of a friend who's staying in their basement. And you can hang as long as you stay out of the way and do a load of laundry. But the second you start eating their grape nuts and watching too much TV, they'll just give you the boot. So if you want to just stay in the basement and keep a low profile, as long as they don't know you're there, cool. You guys can watch a little TV once in a while. But you come upstairs and demand this and demand that and tell them the car's blocking yours or something and you're gone. That's the way it is.

1:05:44 Drew And then you try to get back into the basement.

1:05:47 Adam Yeah. Then you get kicked out onto the lawn and you just now all you can focus on is getting back into the basement. Oh, that dank root cellar. I miss it so. Sierra?

1:05:58 Caller Hello?

1:05:59 Adam You're fourteen.

1:05:59 Caller Oh, yeah. I just, my mom lost custody of me because like about six and a half months ago, and now I'm living with my dad. And well, it's really hard because like my mom, she's an alcoholic and I used to drink with her and I used to smoke with her all the time. Wow. And now I just barely, I don't know, I got tired of it because I came over here to visit my dad and after a while I was like, okay, that's not what I want to like lead my life up to, you know, just like an alcoholic. So and then me and my mom were like best friends until like when her boyfriend like molested me and then her boyfriend's friend had raped me and then so and then she started telling me that it was my fault and then so right now she won't talk to me and she's, I'm from Texas and she won't talk to me and I don't know what to do because I'm like hurting really bad because I want to talk to her but I don't know if I should call her up and tell her I'm sorry but I don't know what to do.

1:06:59 Adam Other than that everything's cool? Other than that everything's cool?

1:07:04 Caller Yeah.

1:07:06 Caller She just doesn't want to talk to me and I don't know what to do.

1:07:09 Drew Well isn't this amazing what kids will go through on behalf of their parents? Of course it's always these despicable parents that the kids have the most affection for.

1:07:17 Adam I just heard, I just had this great fantasy of your mom spelunking through a cave. All of a sudden there's a rumbling and she looks up to see a giant stalactite fall straight down. As she opens her mouth it just goes into her mouth, goes right through her gut and comes out her ass. She's dead before she hits the ground.

1:07:39 Drew And then a round of applause.

1:07:41 Adam And then bats who are awoken from the rumbling come and devour her body. This is a horrible, horrible, thank you. Thank you. This is a horrible, horrible woman, Sierra. And listen, I know she's your mom. But trust me, you don't have to like your parents. This woman, this woman is going to cause you so much.

1:08:02 Drew It has caused so much.

1:08:03 Adam Caused so much. And her boyfriend or her boyfriend's friend, that's all her. All roads lead to her. And I'm sure something horrible happened to her growing up. And I'm sure her father was a real piece of work. And I hope he's dead. Is he dead? Is Grampy dead? Yeah, he's dead. Good. Good stalactite?

1:08:27 Drew Huh? A lightning rod fly off the roof?

1:08:29 Adam Yeah. What did he do? Dive? His liver exploded on his 50th birthday? Good. Anyway, I don't know what you know about him, but I'm sure he was a piece of work. So here's the deal.

1:08:40 Drew You need some treatment. You need treatment. That's what you need. That's why you're confused. You're dealing with a tremendous burden. Get treatment. Don't worry about what you do with your mom right now. Get some help, okay? Please.

1:08:50 Adam So don't make a move on your mom right now. Just make a move for yourself. Get some help. Get some counseling.

1:08:56 Drew Sound great. You're somebody that could really work well in the therapeutic setting. Take care of it.

1:09:01 Adam Does your dad know what went on?

1:09:02 Caller Yeah. I told him everything.

1:09:04 Adam All right. Is he a decent guy?

1:09:06 Caller Yeah. He's really decent now.

1:09:08 Drew Then have him get you to some professional interventions and professional help.

1:09:11 Adam Oh, we were just talking about this last night. But imagine his dad, little daughters coming over to him. Let me fill you in on the last few years over at Mama's Place.

1:09:23 Drew You know, mom's boyfriend?

1:09:24 Adam You know, uncle Stu. Yeah. Well, he's got a friend, too.

1:09:32 Drew Well, he ripped me first.

1:09:33 Adam Yeah. I mean, as a dad, like, what are you doing at that point? You know what I mean? I mean, I could see myself like a Schwarzenegger movie where I hit the I hit the garage opener and a wall turns around and it's just shotguns and machetes and grenades and grenade launchers. You know how in movies these guys have not only do they keep weapons, but it's decorated. It's well lit. They have halogen lighting and it's backlit and stuff. There's a lot of loose sight and stuff like that. I love that guy hits the button. The thing turns around. There are all the guns. They're all displayed up there and everything. I quickly assess the wall. Let's see, I'll need the grenade launcher, flamethrower, bowie knife and a handful of a handful extra rounds and clips. I see, you know, and then there's that whole thing where I'm packing up. I'm zipping up the Kevlar vest. I'm smearing the cami paint under my eyes and on my face. All the zips and ties of the boots and the straps. And then I just get a chart of the nearest jet and fly over there and just kill everybody. Drew, wouldn't you do that? Yeah. What could you imagine? Yeah. Yeah.

1:10:46 Drew In fact, I have to run that scene in my head until I could actually do it.

1:10:51 Adam Yeah. These guys never keep their, they never keep their guns in a vault, you know, like a gun safe and they never keep them in like a military duffel bag in the garage. They're always displayed. It seems like a lot of work for just this sort of humble commando. It seems like one put that kind of time and money into the displaying of the weapons, when no one's supposed to see them. But it's important.

1:11:13 Drew I guess so.

1:11:14 Adam We'll be right back. We'll be back.

1:11:16 Caller Hello, this is your radio. Love Line will be right back.

1:11:57 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That's Dr. Drew. I was explaining to Drew when we were just talking about gambling. I was explaining to him how he was cursed, and he described his luck as negative luck.

1:12:10 Drew Anti-luck, yeah.

1:12:12 Adam So, makes good sense for folks like ourselves that are cursed.

1:12:16 Drew Not to.

1:12:17 Adam Not to gamble.

1:12:18 Drew Not to gamble.

1:12:18 Caller All right.

1:12:20 Adam Julie?

1:12:21 Caller Yeah.

1:12:22 Adam You're 19?

1:12:23 Caller What's up?

1:12:24 Caller Well, I guess I'll start. About five years ago, I was diagnosed as clinically depressed, and they put me on all kinds of drugs like Zoloft and other things to help me sleep. I got married last year, and we have a baby, and my husband's in the Navy, and he was deployed three days after she was born, so I was taking care of her by myself. And she's four months old now. And I don't know if it's just my depression coming back, or postpartum depression, or just, you know, circumstantial, but just this past week or so, I've just been wanting to sleep all the time, and I don't want to get up and take care of the baby.

1:13:04 Drew Well, at this point, it almost doesn't matter what the cause is. The fact is, you're severely depressed, and the biological changes of pregnancy absolutely contribute to this. The stress of raising a child, absolutely. The loss of your, not loss, but the departure of your husband. The fact that you were depressed previously suggests that you have at least a 50% probability of this coming back. You need to get back on medication, at least if for no other reason than to be able to care for your child. Because a depressed mom is an abandoning mom, and that is damaging to the child. You need to be treated. And it can be dangerous. And we've heard stories in the press in the last year what women can be brought to by this biology of this disease.

1:13:43 Adam When is your husband coming back?

1:13:45 Caller Not until March.

1:13:46 Adam Where is he now?

1:13:47 Caller In the Gulf.

1:13:49 Adam Oh, what's he on?

1:13:51 Caller He's on an LPD. It's a carrier. It does helicopters. They transport marines.

1:13:57 Adam Good times. Yeah, I like that. Just remember, the only chance he has of being killed over there is by one of his own men.

1:14:08 Caller I don't worry about that so much. Him being mentally okay. He was with us and the baby and, yeah.

1:14:16 Adam Yeah, right. Yeah, that's a pretty good long time to be put out at sea. When did he leave?

1:14:23 Caller August 12th.

1:14:24 Drew Wow, before September 11th.

1:14:26 Caller Yeah, and he was in Australia when that happened. He went straight from Australia to there.

1:14:30 Adam So he would have come home earlier.

1:14:32 Caller Yeah, he was supposed to be home on February. He's got an extension until March.

1:14:37 Adam I see. All right. Well, at least you know where he is. He's just floating out there off the gulf somewhere. All right. You know, they say those carriers are like a city, a floating city, Drew.

1:14:50 Caller Yeah, there's thousands of people on the ship.

1:14:53 Adam All right, Julie.

1:14:54 Caller All right.

1:14:55 Adam You get some help.

1:14:55 Drew Please, please. Okay.

1:14:57 Caller Do you have any numbers that I can call?

1:14:59 Drew Who treated you before?

1:15:01 Caller Just my doctor. But I mean, that's changed. That was a long time ago.

1:15:05 Adam Well, the military should be able to help you.

1:15:08 Caller Right.

1:15:09 Drew Okay. And ask to see a psychiatrist. You really want some sophisticated help here. Okay?

1:15:13 Caller All right.

1:15:15 Adam They're getting more into that these days, right?

1:15:17 Drew What? The military?

1:15:17 Adam Yeah.

1:15:18 Drew Treating wives? Just treating mental health.

1:15:22 Adam Yeah. Instead of saying, pull yourself up by your boots there, honey, and get back to work.

1:15:26 Drew That's right. Run a few laps.

1:15:28 Adam Right. Steven?

1:15:30 Yeah.

1:15:30 Adam You're 23?

1:15:31 Caller Yeah.

1:15:32 Adam What's up?

1:15:33 Caller I'm looking for some calling to find out. My wife wants me to get a penis enlargement, but I'm not sure if I should get it or not.

1:15:40 Adam I don't believe this one either.

1:15:42 Drew Another bogus call. Wow.

1:15:43 Caller Wait, no. This is real. I'm serious.

1:15:45 Adam How big is your penis now?

1:15:47 Caller Four inches.

1:15:49 Adam What? Isn't that funny? And what would she like it to be? Just bigger?

1:15:53 Caller Yeah. She wants it to be 14 inches.

1:15:55 There we go.

1:15:56 Caller Wait, wait, wait. They want to know what?

1:15:58 Caller No, no.

1:16:00 Drew This is like bogus call night.

1:16:01 Caller Hey.

1:16:03 Adam Listen, as I was explaining, and I've said this many times, but as I was explaining to the guy who wasn't there, at the, every time I show up to the Vegas studio, where I broadcast it out of last night, they're never prepared and I always have to bang on the door. It's always a surreal, pulling up to a radio station at night, late at night is always surreal because there's no cars there, there's nobody there, there's nobody there but the overnight jock in his, now you can see him as you go up the stairs and as you walk down the pathway, you can see the overnight jocks back through the window, but it's a isolated studio with double glass. So you bang on the door and nobody comes to the door. Then you bang on the window and you're looking at the guy's back and you're eight feet away from this guy's back and you're banging on the window and he doesn't hear anything because there's a double window.

1:17:02 Drew No, that is not unique to the Las Vegas Radio Station. You know I do a few of these sites and it's every single one of them and some of them which you'll bang on the window and you'll catch some guy crossing through the hall and he'll call the police.

1:17:14 Adam Well, at least that's something.

1:17:16 Drew And also the instruction is always to just push the button. They'll get you on the squawk box.

1:17:21 Adam No. Never. Well, the point is every time I show up there the engineer that was supposed to hook us all in is never there and there happens to be one guy who is coincidentally there working late. It's always the same guy and he never knows what to do and he's a nice guy but he's always panicked and nobody told him I was showing up. And so as this is leading to the bogus call thing, as he said to me last night in a panic at about 1204 after you had been on the air with a puddle of mud for 4 or 5 minutes already and he's frantically pushing buttons in the studio he turned to me and he said I am so sorry about this and I said hey I'm on the clock anyway you slice it so if I don't get on for another hour I still get paid.

1:18:06 Drew Now what does that have to do with the bogus call? Oh I see.

1:18:08 Adam Make them all night? I don't care if I take a thousand bogus calls and never take another regular call. As long as I get paid for the two hours I work I drive home laughing like a maniac.

1:18:20 Caller All that stuff that was going on last night before you got on air I could hear all that and I was very tempted to put you on because you couldn't hear us but we could hear you.

1:18:26 Adam Did you hear me say it?

1:18:27 Caller Yeah I heard you say that.

1:18:29 Adam All right well at least you know I'm not making the stories up. That's fine. I didn't say anything bad about you did I?

1:18:34 Caller No.

1:18:34 Drew For a change?

1:18:35 Caller As usual. I mean you normally do but I felt bad for that guy he was panicking.

1:18:40 Adam I know but I don't understand how that guy, that poor guy always ends up there and the engineers never run out of the guy poor guy panics. Here's the irony. I'm the one who's supposed to be on the air in 10 seconds and this guy's wearing gym shorts and he's in some station in Vegas and he's going insane. But anyway I want to thank the like I said the kid that made me the puddle of mud speaking of the band for coffee that night. Ron?

1:19:09 Caller Yes.

1:19:09 Adam You're 32?

1:19:11 Caller Yes I am.

1:19:12 Adam What's that?

1:19:13 Caller Well basically I have to thank you guys for the hours of information and enjoyment that you've given me. I've learned to respect you guys quite a bit and I enjoy your show.

1:19:22 Adam Thanks Ron. Thank you.

1:19:23 Drew What's up there Ron?

1:19:25 Caller Well basically I have a couple questions. I have a girlfriend who's around the same age I am. I've been going out with her for about a year and a half and she's into a lot of methamphetamine use. I mean she probably is off methamphetamine probably three days out of a month.

1:19:42 Drew Well she's not off it at all. I mean most amphetamine users only use it three to five days a week. So she is heavy, heavy duty into it.

1:19:50 Caller She smokes it where I know a lot of people that snort it and do other things. I haven't done drugs or anything. I don't even drink.

1:19:58 Drew The point Ron, this is profound methamphetamine addiction. Profound.

1:20:02 Caller Well is there a difference between smoking it and doing it some other way?

1:20:06 Drew Yes, it makes it worse.

1:20:07 Caller It does make it worse?

1:20:08 Drew Yes.

1:20:09 Adam Well worse than mainlining it?

1:20:13 Drew Listen, the stimulants are actually delivered more quickly in larger doses to the brain through being inhaled than IV.

1:20:20 Caller But it doesn't last as long.

1:20:21 Drew It doesn't last as long. But it is in a sense more addictive. It's not quite as much of a total dose.

1:20:26 Adam Hey Ron, your angle of she only smokes meth is a very bad angle.

1:20:33 Drew This is profound.

1:20:35 Caller I mean understand, I love this girl with all my heart. I would do anything, anything. All right.

1:20:40 Drew Well, if that's true, let's test that a little bit because she's going to die of this disease if you don't step in here. And if she doesn't die first, she's going to start to get terribly paranoid, terribly irritable, begin to think that you're sort of plotting or people are plotting against her or talking about her.

1:20:54 Caller Oh, it's already become an emotional rollercoaster.

1:20:58 Adam How long have you guys been together?

1:21:00 Caller All for about, I would say about almost close to 18 months.

1:21:05 Adam And she's been into this the whole time?

1:21:08 Caller No, she used to have a problem with it from what I've known from her friends and everything and she wasn't into it but in the last, I'd say about eight months she's gotten really heavy into it.

1:21:19 Drew She's been into something the whole time.

1:21:22 Adam I don't understand how you could take three days of this. I mean this sounds like hell for you.

1:21:28 Caller I'm a full-time student. I'm about one more semester from my master's degree in computer information.

1:21:33 Adam So you don't have to deal with it that much?

1:21:35 Drew There's a numbers issue here I think.

1:21:37 Caller I mean I keep pretty busy but I take care of her and everything is on the side. Because what I'm wondering is I'm asking you too, there's other issues involved. Now both her sisters and her mother have bipolar disorder.

1:21:50 Drew Yeah, well you can't tell anything when she's strung out on the speech. She may be bipolar, she may not be. The speech can actually cause her to be bipolar. It's sort of moot at this point. Ron, you said you're willing to do anything for her. Here's what you have to do. You have to go to Al-Anon and you have to be willing to leave her if she doesn't give up the drugs. If you love her as you say you do and if you're concerned about her well-being and her health, that's what you have to do. You have to begin to go to Al-Anon immediately and you have to go every day and you have to get a sponsor and you have to work the steps and you have to put some limits down on her to cause her and require her to get some treatment or she's not going to be around very long.

1:22:23 Adam All right. Let's, I know we're running late for break. Let me just get rid of Stephen over here. Stephen?

1:22:30 Caller Yeah.

1:22:30 Adam You're 23?

1:22:32 Caller That's right.

1:22:32 Adam You took objection to me making fun of the guy who was a security guard?

1:22:36 Caller Yeah.

1:22:37 Adam I'm just saying it's not a great gig.

1:22:39 Caller Wait, it's good money at least. Really? Because this job where I'm working at, it's paying $15 an hour.

1:22:49 Adam That's pretty solid. Why are they paying so much?

1:22:53 Caller I don't know because it's a big company. Yeah, I'm working for Washington Mutual.

1:22:58 Caller It's an easy job.

1:22:59 Caller I just watch TV and watch porno.

1:23:02 Adam Yeah, no, it's a very laid back job. I mean, I know from me dealing with security, I know, I mean, the biggest work you have to do is as a security guard, at least in my life, is keeping a band member off stage or keeping a celebrity who's going to announce a band off the stage.

1:23:18 Drew Or out of the building that you're scheduled to go into.

1:23:20 Adam Or keeping you if you're playing a college gig or doing something like that, keeping you off the stage that you're supposed to be on. That's the only time I've seen a security guy actually stop somebody, is when an actual person who is supposed to be on stage try to get up on stage. But look, it's a great gig. It's usually a gig that guys do for a while and then move on to something else. But if they're going to pay 15 bucks to whack off the porn, that's fantastic. All right, we got to take a break. Let me just say something real quick. I was visiting the bathroom the last break. What is it that guys don't think they need to flush a urinal? Like that's an option. You know that they're not really into?

1:24:06 Drew Bad parenting.

1:24:08 Adam I see it at the airport all day. I've been to 100 airports in the last two months. The urinal is bright yellow. I go into the bathroom here. The guy just left. I was a cleaning guy, ironically. It just smelled like vinegar coming out of it, like asparagus vinegar. And I realized he did not flush the urinal. And I also realized that a lot of guys don't flush the urinal. You see guys just walk right away. And my thing is the best part of my day is flushing that goddamn urinal. I love that satisfaction. Pow! It's got that handle. It's like a porcelain slot machine, that urinal. Let them ride. I slap that thing down. I like it. I would feel like an idiot whizzing up a toilet and just walking away. Guys do not do that with the commode, but they do do it with the urinal. And I worry about that. And I worry about us. And I worry for the kids. Yeah, it is Loveline, everybody. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew on the homestretch here. We'll see if we can. I won't go off on any jags.

1:26:13 Caller I actually have it all set up for next week.

1:26:16 Adam How big are those breasts?

1:26:18 Caller They're big enough.

1:26:19 Adam Come on, you got to tell us.

1:26:21 Caller 38 triple D. Nice rack.

1:26:24 Adam How big is the rest of you?

1:26:26 Caller Not as big.

1:26:28 Adam How big? What size are you?

1:26:31 Drew Normally when a caller gives you an answer like that, pow, they're gone. But because you're following this line of questioning, you have tremendous patience.

1:26:39 Caller I'm not going to get my question.

1:26:40 Adam How big are you? You give me your dimensions and then you can talk to Drew.

1:26:43 Caller I'm a size 16.

1:26:44 Adam 16. All right. So you're a plus size gal.

1:26:47 Caller Yeah, I'm plus size.

1:26:49 Caller Anyway, I'm looking to go have my surgery done on Wednesday, but I'm leaving on Friday to go on vacation. I'm flying to LA actually. So I'm wondering what kind of-

1:26:58 Adam Lose the boobs then come into town.

1:27:00 Drew Have they released you for that?

1:27:03 Caller Yeah.

1:27:03 Caller Well, the surgery works that I could either leave the night of the surgery or the morning after.

1:27:08 Drew The surgeon is going to allow you to do that?

1:27:10 Caller Yeah.

1:27:10 Caller I mean, that's typical of the surgery apparently.

1:27:13 Drew That they let you go just go about your business? Right. All right.

1:27:18 Caller So, but I'm wondering like if it's really going to be, you know, well, I'm looking to go on vacation, you know, to visit some family and stuff, but I'm just trying to figure out if that's the safest thing for me to do, because I'll be flying in a plane.

1:27:29 Drew Obviously not, right?

1:27:30 Adam Well, why obviously?

1:27:31 Drew You've got wounds, you can get infected, you can bleed, it would be nice to stay around the surgeon.

1:27:35 Adam No, we got plenty of plastic surgeons out here.

1:27:38 Caller Well, that's what I was going to try to do is get in touch with somebody in my network out there.

1:27:42 Adam All right.

1:27:43 Drew Well, yeah, I can't believe the surgeon just says, hey, I'm going to play in two days. It just seems to me they want a week or two under your belt.

1:27:48 Adam Is it the following week or is it that week?

1:27:51 Drew Two days later. Yeah. Two days after the surgery. That to me doesn't fit.

1:27:55 Adam Hey, Bridget?

1:27:56 Caller Yeah.

1:27:58 Adam Why this timing? I mean, you knew what was going on.

1:28:01 Drew It's an elective procedure.

1:28:02 Caller I start work in January and if I don't do it now, then I have to wait till July.

1:28:08 Drew Yeah, but you can go on a trip in two days, but you can't go back to work. Think about that logic.

1:28:13 Caller Right. But I mean, the situation itself is going to be relaxing, just hanging out with family.

1:28:17 Drew No, no, no. Surgeries are very stressful. You're weak. It'll wipe you out. You don't realize quite what you're getting into here.

1:28:25 Caller Okay.

1:28:27 Adam But if you want to do it, you make sure you got a number to call.

1:28:31 Caller Right.

1:28:32 Adam If there's any complications.

1:28:33 Drew Well, you're 35,000 feet. Now what?

1:28:35 Adam Oh, please. I think she's fine. Now, what about losing some weight and getting rid of the boobs that way?

1:28:44 Caller I've tried that. I actually have lost some weight and they haven't got it.

1:28:46 Adam Oh, really?

1:28:47 Caller Yeah.

1:28:47 Adam Nice. All right. Well, good luck to you.

1:28:50 Caller Well, thank you. I just needed that second opinion.

1:28:53 Adam I have Drew's sort of semi not really passing.

1:28:56 Drew Yeah.

1:28:57 Adam Let's talk to Mark over here. Mark, you're 31?

1:29:03 Caller Yeah. How are you doing?

1:29:03 Caller Good. All right.

1:29:05 Caller I was just calling in about that girl that called in saying that her husband was in the Navy and she's got depression real bad.

1:29:10 Caller Right.

1:29:12 Caller I've been through the depression thing myself and I was in the Air Force for years. I know that the Air Force has a department, it's called the Family Support Center, and basically what they do is they help military family members get different types of counseling or financial help or things like that that can help them while their husband, wife, whatever is deployed.

1:29:35 Drew So how would she get in touch with them?

1:29:38 Caller Normally if she can get a hold of somebody in her husband's unit, I don't know exactly how it works for the Navy, but he's got to have some sort of land-based facility where he comes home to. If she can get a hold of his commander there or somebody within that association and get a number for the Family Support Center, then they can guide her two different types of counseling or financial support if that's what she needs. It's basically what they're there for.

1:30:08 Drew Okay.

1:30:09 Adam Thanks, Mark.

1:30:09 Drew Appreciate it.

1:30:10 Adam Yeah. That's very good of you. And I'm sure she can figure that one out. She must have names and numbers and emergencies and the way to contact her husband.

1:30:19 Drew And by the way, for our naysayer callers earlier, were just subjecting us to ridiculous bogus calls because all of them are bogus. Mark wasn't exactly bogus.

1:30:28 Adam No. That's good.

1:30:29 Drew That's the point.

1:30:30 Adam Still get paid the same, though. Scott? Boring. 35?

1:30:35 Caller Yes, sir.

1:30:35 Adam What's up there, Scott?

1:30:37 Caller Hey, I just wanted to say, first of all, Adam, you are like a genius. I've learned so much from Girls on Traplines.

1:30:44 Caller It's not even funny.

1:30:46 Adam Thank you.

1:30:47 Caller And Dr. Drew, you're just hilarious. I'd laugh my ass off every time I see you on Mars Venus. And I even fell for the free condom trick on Dr. Drew.

1:30:58 Drew Well, that's good. I'm not sure it was meant to be hilarious, but that's good.

1:31:01 Adam Anyway, your wife was raped the first time she had sex.

1:31:08 Caller My actual question, Adam, is, I need to get your cranberry sauce recipe.

1:31:16 Adam Oh, okay.

1:31:17 Caller They won't let me on the phone with that. My question is true, but that's not an issue.

1:31:22 Adam I see. Okay, you want the cranberry sauce recipe for the holidays?

1:31:25 Caller The cranberry sauce recipe is bad.

1:31:27 Adam Okay, listen everybody, here's what I do. I take one sack of whole cranberries. No, how dare you? How dare you taint my recipe with your can opening sound effects? That's right, that's what you have to avoid like the plague. I got to whip up a new batch for the holidays. One sack of cranberries, whole cranberries, you dump them in a saucepan, just a pot, just a pot you'd make a macaroni in, and then you put a cup of water in there, and it says a cup of sugar, but I like mine a little tartar.

1:32:02 Caller Oh really?

1:32:02 Adam That's a little too much. You put three quarters of a cup of sugar in there, and then I like to take some zest of lemon. You know, take a little lemon peel, chop it up, throw it in there.

1:32:12 Drew Zest.

1:32:13 Caller Ha!

1:32:14 Adam That's solid. And I make two sacks. I'm a double bagger. Put the two sacks in there, two cups of water, about a cup and a half of sugar and a little lemon peel. Put the lid on it, bring it to a boil, turn the flame off, leave the lid on. Four minutes, you're done. As fast as you can make top ramen. Done and delightful.

1:32:33 Drew Done and done.

1:32:34 Adam Done and done and delightful.

1:32:36 Caller Here it is.

1:32:37 Caller Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

1:32:39 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects. Call the Dateline. Call the Dateline.

1:32:43 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:32:44 Adam 1-877-889-DATE.

1:32:50 Caller Loveline will be right back. So get your problems ready. Ready.

1:33:24 Adam Well, there we go. All right. Well, fantastic. Another fabulous week of Loveline, safely, safely in the ground. I want to thank Tara, don't call me Tara, god damn it, for doing a great job on the phones all week. Can I have a job, Damian, for doing a great job on the phones all week as well.

1:33:45 Drew That's like when you hire me.

1:33:47 Adam I want to thank Lauren for doing a great job. I'm still unclear what she does, but I know she does a wonderful job at it, or at least I'm not mad about it. No complaints is what I'm saying. Producer Ann for, I don't know what she was doing, tanning herself this way. She's on vacation, but we still appreciate her. And of course, the one with the magic fingers, the one who makes it all possible, Engineer Anderson.

1:34:11 Caller He's the one who sucks.

1:34:12 Adam For doing a great, great, great job. And no fanfare for Anderson, except for when he pushes the fanfare button for himself. So, until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Drew, you got to smack the mic down.

1:34:26 Drew Got to do it.

1:34:27 Adam No, that was, that was, Two and a half seconds for the finger, finger goes. Really? You actually have to audibly hear the clank. Interesting.

1:34:36 Drew All right.

1:34:37 Adam You okay there, Drew?

1:34:38 Drew I'm going to bang the mic again.

1:34:39 Adam So until next time, this is Adam Corolla. What clip, what are we playing? Oh, I don't know. Are we playing a thing?

1:34:47 Drew A quick clip on the way out.

1:34:48 Adam All right. We're going out with a perverted favorite of the Loveline crew. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:56 Caller Came after her in the shower with a knife. The use of her hand.

1:35:01 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, but management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, December 20, 2001