Episode 1000754886787

1:01 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline.

1:11 Voiceover Coast to coast.

1:13 Adam Hey, hey, hey, everybody. It's Loveline. We're back doing the show live. When I say we, I mean me and Dr. Bruce. Now, don't panic, kiddies. Dr. Drew will be back. He'll be back Sunday night. He's still on his tour of the Panama Canal, as far as I know.

1:30 Dr. Bruce Drew, for filling in for me. He filled in for you or I've had anal sex and I passed out.

1:35 Voiceover Bruce, it's too early for those kind of revelations. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Bruce is a board certified physician. He also is an addiction medicine specialist, right, Dr. Bruce? That's right. And knows emergency medicine and is an expert with the laser. A lot of people have questions about the laser. They want their tattoos removed. They want their scars removed. They want their stretch marks removed. They want their wrinkles removed. Maybe they have some skin problem. Maybe there's a pockmark or something on their face or an acne scar. You can do this, right, Bruce?

2:16 Dr. Bruce Yes, Apollo Laser Medical, West Hollywood. And I forget the phone number.

2:21 Adam Okay, but let's open that up tonight because that is a field of expertise for you.

2:26 Dr. Bruce Acne scar.

2:27 Adam Right. I did mention that.

2:28 Dr. Bruce A lot of great stuff.

2:29 Adam And people do have those questions. And this laser will work on such things as stretch marks and scarring and that sort of stuff, right?

2:38 Dr. Bruce It really does. No one understands completely why, but.

2:40 Adam And what about something like discoloration, like a birthmark?

2:45 Dr. Bruce Birthmarks? Very effective.

2:47 Adam Really?

2:48 Dr. Bruce Women that have the hyperpigmentation after pregnancy, it's in a mass configuration under the eyes, especially.

2:54 Adam Right.

2:54 Dr. Bruce It's really about the best treatment for that. A lot of the lightening creams, women will find they do not work.

3:00 Adam Okay.

3:01 Dr. Bruce And hair removal.

3:03 Adam Yeah, yeah. Tried that on my neck.

3:05 Dr. Bruce Yeah. Your neck. Other places you might benefit.

3:08 Adam The point is, is Bruce is an expert with this laser. I've seen this retard tote this thing halfway across town, in the back of his pickup truck to work on everybody.

3:18 Dr. Bruce It almost accousts to Christmas you, after having a beer or two, agreed to let me laser your scar and then.

3:24 Adam Yeah. I got a scar on the bridge of my nose.

3:26 Dr. Bruce And sobriety won't let me do that.

3:27 Adam Okay. Well, I'll get drunk again around you. Don't worry. Dr., as I said, Dr. Drew will be back in here on Sunday. Dr. Bruce came walking into the studio just, I'd say, about four minutes ago and had blood all over his hands. I mean, dipped in blood, not speckled with blood, but as if he was reaching to the bottom of a blood bucket. Thank you for the coffee, Dr. Bruce. And I thought it was his blood, but it turned out it was not his blood. Whose blood was that?

4:00 Dr. Bruce Well, it was the poor bloke that was speeding on the freeway ahead of me. It was a light rain.

4:06 Adam It was probably a little more than a light rain.

4:09 Dr. Bruce Yeah. And coming into East LA where it just passed the 710, where the freeway turns and straightens out, he sort of took off hydroplaning into the divider.

4:18 Adam And what was he driving?

4:19 Dr. Bruce It was a small Toyota pickup.

4:22 Adam And what happened to him?

4:23 Dr. Bruce Well, he hit the divider in the center. He sort of went straight.

4:26 Adam You saw this whole thing happen?

4:27 Dr. Bruce It was about 100 feet ahead of me.

4:29 Adam Really?

4:29 Dr. Bruce And then he hit it going. He must have been going 80. And then bounced almost perpendicularly across, spinning around. And if it's paramedics there and stuff, I don't bother them. They're great at doing their business. But I was the first one on site. So the guy was, the motor was revving, and there was smoke coming out. So I shut the engine.

4:47 Adam Jesus.

4:48 Dr. Bruce Yeah, he was.

4:49 Adam Where were you on the freeway, by the way?

4:53 Dr. Bruce What do you mean?

4:54 Adam Hand me the cream is what I'm pointing at, Jackass. But what I'm trying to, you know, I thought to myself here, let me give you my line of let me give my thinking. I got a cup of fresh coffee that Dr. Bruce's lovely wife brewed for me. He has a quart of cream on the other side of the table. He's in the middle of the story. And I know there's no way I'm going to get that cream into this coffee without interrupting a story. But I think it's worth a try. So I think if I just point at the cream in the middle of the conversation, he might tactfully reach over and hand it to me.

5:22 Dr. Bruce But no, listen, Jackass, when you're pointing at that direction, you're supposed to point at the monitor, right?

5:27 Adam I'm pointing at the at the I'm a Pavlov's dog when it comes to that. OK, so where is the car on the freeway?

5:33 Dr. Bruce He's on the right lane.

5:35 Adam So he's in traffic from the.

5:36 Dr. Bruce Yeah. Well, yeah.

5:37 Adam He went from the left into the slow line.

5:39 Dr. Bruce Yeah. Then everybody stopped a lot of traffic. So then I stopped about 50 feet ahead of him and ran back and shut the engine and stuck my hand in his mouth.

5:48 Adam Was he wearing a seatbelt?

5:50 Dr. Bruce Well, there's no telling what he was wearing. The inside of the car. It was pretty much totaled and crunched.

5:56 Adam And it looked like he had made contact with the windshield.

5:59 Dr. Bruce Yes. Yeah. Windshield was when she was broken in the airbags and both deployed.

6:04 Adam Oh, he had airbags.

6:05 Dr. Bruce Yeah. And he had a hole in his nose and he had.

6:07 Adam So he was still with the airbags. He was a bloody man.

6:10 Dr. Bruce Oh, yeah.

6:11 Adam Yeah, it was Jesus. So the blood is coming from where?

6:15 Dr. Bruce His mouth, nose. He punctured his upper upper nose. And so I was just trying to keep his neck stable. He was in a upright sitting position. His neck stable. Keep his tongue.

6:24 Adam Was he lucid?

6:25 Dr. Bruce No, no, no.

6:25 Adam He was in shock.

6:27 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

6:27 Adam He didn't know where he was kind of.

6:29 Dr. Bruce He was unconscious.

6:30 Adam Oh, he was.

6:31 Dr. Bruce Yeah. So his, you know, my goal is just not to move his neck and keep his airway open. And a lot of people, they asphyxiate on their own tongue or their blood, their secretions. So, right. So he didn't have a gag reflex.

6:43 Adam I just kept my, tried to keep his tongue to the floor of his mouth with my finger, which he didn't have a gag reflex because he was unconscious.

6:52 Dr. Bruce If your level of consciousness decreases, you get to the point where you don't have a gag reflex. You're not protecting your airway. And that's when you need to be intubated, have a tube put down. And then if you have a lot of trauma at the front of your face like that, the next thing I would have had to do was if you couldn't breathe because of trauma of the front of the face, nose, mouth, then you have to put a hole in his neck.

7:09 Adam You have to do that emergency tray.

7:10 Dr. Bruce Which I was not looking forward to.

7:13 Adam So you had your hands down this guy's throat?

7:16 Dr. Bruce Well, no. I checked him and then I just pulled his tongue forward and sat there. My 911 was busy. Everybody was trying to call 911. It was busy. Right, right. And I'm thinking if I'm late, Adam Corolla is never going to believe this story because whenever I'm late for basketball, I get reamed.

7:32 Adam I'll tell you what's smart though. You keep that packet of ketchup in your ashtray, your truck, and just smear it all over your hands before you come in. It's always a good story. And we can never question you on that. All right. So you kept the guy alive.

7:47 Dr. Bruce I doubt I kept him.

7:48 Adam I don't know. I don't know. That sounds that sounds pretty heroic to me.

7:52 Dr. Bruce My last patient in my last rave didn't live that.

7:54 Adam Oh, really?

7:55 Dr. Bruce Killed killed the guy did mouth to mouth. Wait a second. He's 46 years old.

7:59 Adam Oh, Jesus, guys dropping in gbh and dropping x. Grandpa deserves to die at the rave if he's doing that. But you waited there until did the paramedics show up?

8:09 Dr. Bruce Yeah, yeah, yeah.

8:10 Adam Paramedics showed up. You stayed with the guy until they stabilized them. Nice work.

8:14 Dr. Bruce Right.

8:15 Adam Dr. Bruce, hero, hero, hero, an American.

8:20 Dr. Bruce So I had anal sex and I passed out a couple of times.

8:23 Adam Gay American hero, Dr. Bruce. Larry?

8:26 Yeah.

8:27 Adam You're 19.

8:28 Caller Yeah.

8:28 Adam What's up?

8:31 Caller I got a problem, obviously. The sick that I've known since I've been like seven, eight years old. And there's always been this thing like between us, you know, but we've always just kind of like dated other people in this whole deal. And about a year, year and a half ago, I just kind of broke out that I just like, straight up said, you know, listen, I love you. And she told me the same thing. And I was like, you know, listen, I actually really love you. And, you know, and it's just been going cool. We've always like, you know, just been talking and just seeing what would happen.

9:08 Adam And she's not interested in you.

9:11 Caller I guess not, dude, because my friend came down from New Jersey and so now we're all chilling together in this whole deal and I'm living in the world, obviously.

9:21 Adam Oh, she gets together with your friend?

9:25 Caller If she has, she's just like trying to do, trying to do without me noticing, but she is all upon him and it's friggin really pissing me off. And I'm just, and this is like the first time I've ever been in love, dude. And dude, I don't know what to do, man.

9:42 Adam I know.

9:42 Caller Because I love her more than life itself, you know, and it's...

9:44 Adam I know...

9:45 Caller .for free and sorry.

9:47 Adam All right. Just calm down there, Larry.

9:49 Caller It's just, I don't know what to do, dude.

9:51 Adam I understand. It's his emotional, turbulent time.

9:54 Caller Very.

9:55 Adam Okay.

9:55 Dr. Bruce So he's hooked up with somebody that it's obviously never going to work with.

9:58 Adam Yeah. He's been into her. You've known her for what, 10 years?

10:02 Caller Yeah.

10:02 Adam And have always been interested in her.

10:05 Caller Always.

10:05 Adam All right. Here's the thing. I don't know a human being who hasn't gone through this. Right. And sometimes it's women and other times it's guys and it's unrequited love and it's the worst thing in the world. But it's like it's like being circumcised. It's some sort of rite of passage for a lot of guys. You just have to get through it. There's nothing you can do about. Now, here's what you got to do. You're going to hurt. Your job is to get through it without you killing yourself, without you destroying her car, without you getting beat up by her big brother, without getting arrested, without punching out some car windows. That's your job. Not to get through it without hurting, because that's an automatic, but to get through it without just screwing up your life permanently, which can happen.

10:53 Dr. Bruce And it's a growth thing. You learn a lot about yourself. Every guy goes through that at least once real bad. And if you stick with it, then the chances are, then you've got some intimacy issues, and there's probably a party that doesn't want intimacy, that seeks out these kind of situations to avoid, just avoid having a relationship that works.

11:09 Yeah. All right.

11:10 Adam So Larry, here's what you got to do. Every time you start freaking out, you got to understand that every single male over the age of 25 has gone through this. And there was another girl who had another name, who was the most important girl on the planet. And now she's married to somebody and has five kids, and we give a rat's ass. Everybody. Me, Drew, Bruce was in the dudes. But even Bruce, had he been in the girls, would have been in to this. And I know you feel special, and I know it feels like you're the only one that's ever happened to. And I know it feels like this chick is the most important one in the world. But no, everybody's done it. And I don't know why it has to feel so unique.

11:54 Dr. Bruce Because.

11:55 Adam I mean, I know why it has to feel so unique, it's you. But I don't know why people can't get outside themselves just a little bit and understand this is going to be looked at and laughed on one day. I mean, you're going to be married, you're going to have kids, she's going to be married and you'll never know her.

12:10 Dr. Bruce But especially as a teenager and this guy's a late teen and a lot of American teens don't fully get out of the adolescent mindset. Adolescents feel like they are on stage and they're the only human being alive. And that's very normal for adolescents. And growing out of that's one of the important things. Just don't go join the Taliban.

12:27 Adam Kyle.

12:30 Caller Kyle.

12:31 Adam Oh, Kyle. Sorry.

12:32 Caller You're too sweet.

12:33 Adam Is that how they spell Kyle? I guess so.

12:36 Caller I said Kyle.

12:37 Adam Yeah. I guess you spell it that way.

12:39 Kyle.

12:40 Adam K-Y-L-E?

12:41 Caller Yeah, Kyle.

12:42 Yeah.

12:44 Caller How are you guys doing?

12:45 Adam Good. What's up there, Kyle?

12:47 Caller Well, I'm 17 and I've been in a few relationships. I've had like a lot of physicalness to them. And I've been noticing a lot also. I know Adam, you'll probably like this, but I like to watch a lot of adult films.

13:03 Adam Let me write this down. Likes to watch adult films.

13:06 Dr. Bruce Do you have any recommendations for Adam specifically?

13:09 Caller Um, tender loving care.

13:13 Adam I actually tried to buy a porno movie today. It, uh, tried.

13:19 Caller Did you get them on cable or something?

13:21 Adam No, no. I went into a store to try to buy a porno movie. And it didn't work out. It didn't work out good for me. Why not? Two problems. A, there was a chick working behind the counter, a young chick, which is no good. Embarrassed you? Yeah, it's a little weird. I don't like a chick behind the counter. And then number two, they were playing K-Rock. The station we're on out here in Los Angeles I felt like you were being watched. was going through the speaker system. And I'm hearing the K-Rock and this chick. And I thought, no, I don't want to deal with this. And the big jug section was like as long as my arm too.

14:01 Dr. Bruce It was like a sensitivity thing. I didn't know you were that sensitive.

14:03 Adam There wasn't a good movie either.

14:05 Caller But I don't mind so much. I figure 50 year old guys go in there all the time into the spank booth. So you find a porn.

14:13 Adam Yeah, that's a good day. You should think that way.

14:15 Caller You're right. I don't question I've I've kind of got the notion and I've heard this around. I think it's pretty true that if you watch too much, you get more desensitized, desensitized towards sex. And since I'm so young, I've been kind of worried about that because I've had girlfriends in the past where I don't really want to push to have sex and stuff. I just push for a lot of kinky things.

14:41 Dr. Bruce OK, absolutely. Now, here's here's the issue. Sex is obviously a normal part of life, and it also can become something you use to stimulate your dopamine system. The same thing as using a drug, alcohol or certain people have compulsive behaviors. And that's where you get into this thing about becoming desensitized and needing more and more stimulation to get the same feeling. So, there's the track you could be on of sex for stimulation and sex outside of a committed relationship and love versus sex in a normal relationship, healthy relationship where it's tied to intimacy. So, it sounds like you're on the track of non-intimacy sex for the excitement, and you can get into real trouble with that. So, it's not a moral judgment about your watching pornography, but at your age, the questions I'd ask you are about addiction history in your family, any kind of traumatic events emotionally in your life earlier on.

15:31 Adam Do you have any addiction, Kyle?

15:34 Caller I don't have any addictions personally.

15:36 Dr. Bruce History, father, mother?

15:38 Caller Actually, not even there. It best I can think about was my uncle died from alcoholism, and so did my grandpa.

15:45 Dr. Bruce Very significant, but I'm just saying that, and that is very significant.

15:49 Adam Yeah, no, it is.

15:51 Dr. Bruce And the things he's describing would be of concern. So, I'd also want to know if he'd had any kind of, what his family life was like, what kind of relationships, how early he had sex, was he exposed to this stuff at home when he was very young. Kids under teen years getting exposed to this, that is a form of sexual abuse. And the brain is, more and more, what we're finding is that things you're exposed to at a very young age can affect you significantly later on.

16:17 Adam Thank God, all I had was a goddamn black and white TV and the parents that were way too cheap for cable. So, if watching too much Let's Rap on Channel 9, it might have been a community forum based shows like that is bad for your brain, that I'm in bad shape. But let me tell you about disappointment. I tried, I ordered my first porno movie over the Internet. Like I'm retarded. I can't do anything with a computer. But I just decided once in a while, here's what I do. About every four months, I say to myself, you know what? You're nothing wrong with you. You're not an idiot. You're not a retard. You can do stuff that other people do. Now just go do it if you want. You want to get on the Internet and get yourself something on eBay or something? You can do that.

17:04 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

17:04 Adam See, it doesn't exist in my world. I've labeled that stuff for other people.

17:09 Dr. Bruce I know. You've asked me to get stuff in the Internet. Right.

17:11 Adam But once in a while, I go, listen, you have average intelligence. You got some money. You got a credit card. You got a computer. You're on the Internet. Why don't you just go be a human being and do what other people do? Why not? Well, that's what I do. Then I try. Then an hour and 45 minutes later, when I can't figure out how to fill out the on-screen thing, I walk away crying and shake my head saying, you're an idiot. Don't ever do this again. Well, I ordered myself the first... It's the first thing I've ever bought over the Internet, porn movie. This was two weeks ago. Two weeks ago? Two long, lonely weeks ago. No, I have not. I have been... But I've run to the mailbox like a retarded kid on Christmas every day. Just looking, just waiting. And like, where is it? And with all these holidays, it's been screwing me up. And I actually said to my neighbor, I haven't even had a conversation with her in a year, I said, did they drop... Did they deliver the mail? They do it on New Year's Eve. I know they don't do it on New Year's Day, but did the mail come today? I'm frantically searching the mailbox. Now, I did this whole thing, and they sent me... And after two weeks, I started to get a little suspicious, but they sent me an email saying, We have confirmed your order, here's your receipt. It will be shipped out tomorrow. Two weeks, and me like a maniac, I did this on the 15th, running to the mailbox like a retard on Christmas. I finally called them today, and they said, Oh yeah, we got you on the computer. Yeah, your credit card didn't go through. I was like... Really? And they're like, yeah, you didn't want to... How about a little email saying the credit card didn't go through? Yeah, we didn't do that.

18:52 Dr. Bruce So you check an email.

18:53 Adam Just run, just... Yep, no email, no nothing. Just credit card didn't go through. Running like a retard to the mailbox.

19:01 Dr. Bruce So you're sort of in porno withdrawal here.

19:03 Adam Yeah, I'm in porno. I'm really having a hard time. And I said... So then I got this group. Now, today is Wednesday, but it feels like Monday to me, or at least Sunday or Monday. So I say, well, what can we do about this? They go, today, we'll FedEx it. We'll do the two day delivery. I said, oh, that's great. They go, it'll be there Monday. And I go, oh, my God. Two days, two days. Monday, that's like two weeks away, isn't it?

19:28 Dr. Bruce San Fernando Valley, too.

19:29 Adam No, no, it's in like Florida. Everything bad is in Florida. All porno comes out of Florida. All terrorists learn to fly planes in Florida. Everything that goes wrong goes wrong in Florida. It all starts in Florida. You could trace anything bad back to Florida. But anyway, two days.

19:46 Dr. Bruce You could probably look off your balcony and watch them film in a porno where you live.

19:49 Adam All right, that's not quite the same. Gina?

19:54 Yeah, me?

19:55 Adam Yeah, you're 19?

19:56 Caller Yes, I am.

19:57 Adam How are you? I'm a little frustrated because we're waiting for two weeks for my porno and it hasn't... They declined my credit card, but go ahead.

20:05 Caller I'm sorry.

20:06 Adam That's all right.

20:07 Caller Actually, I had a question for Dr. Bruce.

20:10 Adam Hi.

20:10 Caller I have... Hi. I am... About six months ago, I got a piercing, those piercings that they get at the top of the ear, you know, that everyone has nowadays, and a little bump formed there at first. It was really small and I didn't think anything of it, but it gradually got bigger and bigger and bigger. So I finally went to the doctor and he said it was a keloid. And now it's pretty big. It's like if you were to take a marble and just glue it to the back of your ear. That's what it looks like.

20:43 Adam No, it's not that big.

20:44 Dr. Bruce Yeah, they get huge.

20:44 Caller Yeah, it is.

20:46 Dr. Bruce So what did your doctor tell you?

20:47 Caller Well, he said to go to an ear, nose and throat specialist. And I have an appointment, but I was just wondering if, how would they remove that, with a laser or?

20:58 Adam No, no, no, no, no. They got to use a rusty letter opener at this point. You can't use a laser to get rid of a marble size thing, can you, Bruce?

21:08 Dr. Bruce Well, on the ear, I mean, I wouldn't attempt it.

21:09 Adam It's a laser or something, isn't it?

21:11 Dr. Bruce No, no, no. It's keloid is an exuberant scar form. It's a type of scar. It's genetically determined. It's very.

21:19 Adam All right, hold on. You ever seen a keloid scar as big as a marble?

21:22 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

21:22 Adam Oh, no, you haven't.

21:23 Dr. Bruce I've seen it.

21:24 Adam How dare you wear?

21:25 Dr. Bruce I've seen it as big as your nose.

21:27 Adam Listen, is that solid?

21:28 Dr. Bruce Yes.

21:29 Adam It could do that in a matter of weeks?

21:31 Dr. Bruce Yes.

21:32 Adam So come. I know you're wrong.

21:35 Dr. Bruce Well, just like you know a lot of the things.

21:36 Adam Yes, I know. I know it's either smaller than a marble or it's not solid. How could something keloid that big and be solid in how long? How long did it take?

21:45 Caller About six months.

21:48 Dr. Bruce It could do it less than that. OK. Ear, nose and throat specialists that has expertise in plastic surgery. I'd go to a plastic surgeon myself. But these guys, a lot of ENT guys are excellent at plastic procedures and they do a lot of that kind of stuff in their training. So that's probably fine. But yeah, they will go over the options with you and ultimately I think look for a surgical remedy for that. And now you know that whenever you have any kind of surgery or any kind of injury that that's the potential when healing occurs. Those are areas that are even more prone to keloid than other areas.

22:23 Yeah, no more piercings.

22:26 Caller Anything of that nature.

22:28 And Adam? Yeah, yeah.

22:30 Caller I just want to tell you that I love Ace Rockolla.

22:33 Adam Oh, yeah. That's all I needed.

22:37 Caller I'm giving you an incentive to do it now.

22:38 Adam That's all I needed. All right. A little yeasty on the peckeroo. All right. That's right.

22:42 Dr. Bruce I don't like genus.

22:44 Adam We'll do some of that Ace Rockolla.

22:45 Dr. Bruce It's almost annoying. Disturbing. Now, can't you form another character like SpongeBob SquarePants equivalent of some sort? You know, something that's, huh?

22:56 Adam Listen, you got those kids, you watch that TV. This is what happens when you have kids. You watch 40 hours of Nickelodeon every day. And then you come in here and Drew wants to have conversations about Thomas the Tank Engine. And I go, I have no idea what Thomas the Tank Engine is. And he's indignant now. You don't know Thomas the Tank Engine?

23:16 Dr. Bruce I don't like Thomas the Tank Engine.

23:17 Adam No, you idiot. I sit around and watch porno. I'm not in sports highlights. I'm not watching Thomas the Tank Engine all day. Drew masturbated to Thomas the Tank Engine.

23:25 Dr. Bruce It's true. But come on, SpongeBob SquarePants is social comment.

23:30 Adam All right.

23:30 Dr. Bruce I mean, Bob Newhart was on there as a guest character.

23:33 Adam And not interested.

23:34 Dr. Bruce OK.

23:35 Adam Not interested.

23:35 Dr. Bruce You're just jealous they didn't ask you.

23:37 Adam They may have. And I just don't. Maybe I turned them down.

23:40 Dr. Bruce You remind me of Patrick the Starfish.

23:43 You'll have to watch it again.

23:44 Adam I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to set up the Tivo immediately so I can find out who Patrick the Starfish is. Dr. Bruce in here tonight after saving a life is hard at work here at Loveline filling in for Dr. Drew, who will be back on Sunday when we come back. We'll speak to Amy once I know why the weed makes her ears burn.

24:05 Dr. Bruce This is an ear night.

24:06 Adam After this. Hey, everybody, it's Love Line. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Bruce. Filling in for Dr. Drew. Saved a life tonight, Dr. Bruce. Got to feel pretty good about that. A little tragedy on the freeway. Bruce pulled over and did what he could do. Saved a life. I'm convinced. Convinced he saved a life. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Bruce in tonight for Dr. Drew, who will be back in on Sunday night. Dr. Bruce is the same as Dr. Drew. Just a little geekier package. But he knows. Drew, Drew all the time, all the time says how brilliant Bruce is and how smart he is. And I'm like, yeah, really, really? And he's like, oh, yeah, no, he's really smart. So Drew really sings your praises.

25:33 Dr. Bruce And you know me better than he does, probably. And you don't think I'm brilliant and wonderful.

25:37 Adam No, I know you got a high IQ, but it's like one of those things. It's like, what's it good for? You know, it's like Rain Man, you know. But but maybe I'll take you to Vegas, see if we can win win some at the Black Jack table. But Bruce really he he knows probably more about medicine than Drew, because, you know, Drew's been kissing the man's ass for the last eight years. He's been in and out of show business, you know, trying to get on the view and whatnot and doing all that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. And well, Bruce has just been banging away, working the ER., taking tats off of hardened criminals, gang members. So Bruce knows the laser, everybody. And if you got a question for him about what a laser can do, whether it's get rid of some crow's feet, some wrinkles or some acne, scarring or stretch marks or other kinds of scars or birthmarks, you can ask him.

26:30 Dr. Bruce Just the group like Drew's brilliant.

26:32 Adam Yeah, this is a genius. It doesn't even know what's going on. You kidding? Amy?

26:37 Yeah.

26:37 Adam You 15?

26:38 Yeah.

26:39 What's up?

26:40 I want to know why when I smoke weed, it makes like my inner ears like really burn very badly.

26:46 Adam Yeah, it could be a little. Are you are you putting the bong up the side of your head or are you taking it? Do you do the ear inhale?

26:53 No.

26:55 Adam Your inner ear?

26:56 Yeah, like inside my ear, not like around like the outside ear. We can actually feel like inside my ear.

27:00 Dr. Bruce You're not. It's a sign that you're not supposed to be smoking.

27:03 Adam Your inner ear is your brain, isn't it?

27:05 No, it's not.

27:06 Adam And it feels like it's hurting or itching or what's it doing?

27:09 It feels like it's burning.

27:10 Adam Burning? What do you do? What do you do to relieve it? Stick a pencil in there?

27:15 No, I just put up with it.

27:17 Adam How much weed do you smoke?

27:19 Not much. It only takes a couple of hits for the first to start burning.

27:22 Dr. Bruce How often do you take a couple of hits?

27:24 Only like once a week.

27:26 Dr. Bruce Yeah. Well, it'll become more. The reason it burns, you have a thing called the eustachian tube that goes from the back of your throat into the inner ear. And so you're getting smoke up in there basically. Oh, really? Yeah. It's the reason when people smoke, you get cancer of various places, not just your lungs, you get in your throat and other soft tissues in that area. But essentially...

27:45 Adam So you think some smoke is coming out of her ears like she's mad?

27:49 Dr. Bruce No.

27:50 Adam Like in a cartoon when you get mad?

27:51 Dr. Bruce It's the inner part. You don't actually blow smoke out of your ears. Though some people can do that. I suspect if you had a punctured eardrum, it's possible.

28:01 Adam Hey, Stoner, why don't you start eating brownies?

28:04 No.

28:06 Adam All right. Listen, I've not met many 15 year old girls that had the Hesher laugh like you got.

28:11 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

28:11 Adam So that's a problem. But easy on the weed. And I don't normally tell girls this because they don't need their brains as much, you know, later on in life. But, you know, they have the kids and, you know, that kind of thing. But they don't they don't need to do the thinking. It's kind of a man's job. But even a girl's a little spazzy when she smokes too much weed. 15 is too young.

28:31 Dr. Bruce 15 is too young. The stuff sticks around in the brain. If she's smoking it once a week, there's THC in her brain all the time. And now we found there are receptors. It changes your receptors. It changes you for life probably in some way. And puts you at risk later on for emotional problems.

28:46 Adam All right. Don't smoke the weed. Joe?

28:49 Yeah.

28:49 Adam You're 30. What's up?

28:51 Caller Well, actually, I have a question for the doctor. I had a hair follicle exam done or hair follicle test for drugs a couple of weeks back. And I take a lot of medication, one of which is a real heavy opiate narcotic. And when the results came back from the hair follicle test, it showed positive for cocaine. This unbelievable amount or trade-off amounts of cocaine were found in my hair. But my opiates were negative. And it didn't make any sense. Well, I did some research into it and found out that actually the chemical makeup between the opiate and cocaine are pretty close. And I'm wondering what the likelihood of this test being screwed up is.

29:43 Dr. Bruce Who's doing the test?

29:44 Caller An employer? Well, no, it was done through the courts.

29:49 Adam What's it for? You mean you're like on probation or something?

29:52 Caller No, for his family court. My ex-wife, you know, was trying to prove that I'm doing more than prescription medication.

30:04 Dr. Bruce Oh, well, you know, motor oil and gasoline are pretty closely related. And that's about as close comparatively. I mean, cocaine and morphine, they're related in that they're drugs. But there's no way in God's green earth that a drug test, even from a shoddy lab, is going to make that mistake.

30:23 Adam Is he doing morphine?

30:24 Dr. Bruce Yeah, opiates, he's doing a painkiller. Oxycontin is what it is.

30:29 Caller And I've been taking it for five years. And I take 160 milligrams three times a day.

30:36 Adam Is that a lot?

30:38 Caller In fact, I'm having an inter-fecal pump put in to replace, hopefully, some of this oral medication, because...

30:45 Dr. Bruce Yeah, you're totally tolerant to that.

30:48 Adam Hold on a second. What's the inter-fecal pump?

30:50 Dr. Bruce Inter-fecal pump. It's goes into the spine. Fecal.

30:54 Adam Yeah, fecal's funnier, though. But go ahead.

30:56 Dr. Bruce So it goes into the spinal fluid, basically, and provides direct medication to the central nervous system.

31:03 Adam Do you wear it all the time?

31:06 Dr. Bruce Yeah. It's a pump and it continuously... They're different types.

31:09 Adam It's a pump that goes beneath the skin?

31:11 Dr. Bruce Right.

31:12 Adam How do you replenish this pump?

31:13 Dr. Bruce Well, that's that. You know, there's a specialty of pain medicine these days, and they...

31:18 Adam Does the pump have a reservoir in it? And it's filled with this drug?

31:22 Dr. Bruce Depending. Yeah, there's not just one drug.

31:24 Adam And it would administer a dose every so often?

31:26 Dr. Bruce It's a very minuscule dose.

31:29 Adam But if some guy punches you in the back, it might all go at once, and then you just freak out in the wall, right?

31:34 Dr. Bruce No.

31:35 Adam No?

31:35 Dr. Bruce No. Because they're not in the back. The pump, there's a little...

31:38 Adam In your balls?

31:39 Dr. Bruce No. In the fatty tissue of the abdomen under the skin. It depends.

31:43 Adam I put it in the balls. I put the reservoir in the balls. Give them a little exercise.

31:47 Dr. Bruce Well, you're...

31:48 Adam Okay, so I'm a pioneer. I know.

31:50 Dr. Bruce You're scrotally fixated.

31:52 Adam So he's taking a ton of this oxycontin, right?

31:56 Dr. Bruce But over a period of time, you become resistant to it. Secondly, anything you take by mouth goes through the liver and gets chewed up before it gets into the bloodstream.

32:03 Adam So is that why they put the pump on him? Is it screwing up his liver, you think?

32:07 Dr. Bruce Opiates don't screw up the liver long term, as far as we know, but now what happens is people take things like Vicodin, the things that have a little bit of a foul in them, or screw up the liver. Right. But anyway, you just are, first of all, they're not very efficient when they're taking by mouth because you have a first, you have this pass through the liver before it gets in your blood. And secondly, you develop a tolerance very rapidly to opiates anyway.

32:27 Adam What about like when I take a sleeping pill? I should take a rectalino? I'll do it.

32:32 Dr. Bruce You know, that's up to you. I really can't think of any reason that it wouldn't work.

32:36 Adam I'll slap a fecal pump right down there and just start inhaling all my drugs rectally.

32:41 Dr. Bruce I think that would work just fine. It's close to your brain too, probably.

32:46 Adam It's a good plan. How dare you? You're a physician. You can't joke that way.

32:51 Dr. Bruce That's my last name.

32:52 Adam Joe?

32:52 Caller Yeah.

32:53 Adam All right. Maybe you should have this second opinion on this test, have it tested again.

33:00 Dr. Bruce Okay.

33:01 Caller Here's what I know that the two drugs are nowhere related. I know we're talking, you know, vodka to Jack here, but what I'm thinking the likelihood may be is that they didn't run the two tests together. In other words, they didn't do an opiate screen and they at the same time that they did a cocaine screen. So it could be that when they tested for opiates, they marked it as cocaine, because it was through the root.

33:33 Adam Well, that's possible. But why are you taking so much of the Oxycontin?

33:37 Caller I've been running for five years, and I have chronic pain syndrome. I had a pyloroplasty, a cholecystectomy, and a fundoplication, and they messed up royally. I was in the military. I'm medically retired now.

33:56 Adam Okay. All right. All right. Hold on a second.

33:57 Hold on.

33:59 I don't want to, I don't want to.

34:00 Dr. Bruce A bunch of abdominal surgery, and he's got scar tissue that's probably cranking on a nerve and it hurts like hell all the time.

34:05 Hold on a second.

34:06 Adam Let me ask you this. Why is everyone with chronic pain nuts? Is it my imagination or is everyone with chronic pain crazy?

34:13 Dr. Bruce No, they're not.

34:14 Adam They're not?

34:15 Dr. Bruce No, but they're-

34:16 Adam But a lot of them are?

34:17 Dr. Bruce No. It's a situation where people that don't have chronic pain can't imagine anybody actually.

34:24 Adam Oh, you're saying guys like me. Okay.

34:27 Dr. Bruce All right.

34:27 Adam I won't whisper anymore. Turn my mic back down. Thank you.

34:31 Dr. Bruce Perfect. But here's the thing. The hair test is notoriously not accurate, but they're not that inaccurate.

34:38 Adam He's in trouble, but he's the court's order. Take care of yourself, Joe. I don't know who I feel more sorry for, Joe or his kid.

34:43 Dr. Bruce I don't know.

34:44 Adam Imagine being volleyed between these two, Joe with the Oxycontin and the drug testing and picture what kind of shape mama's in and you're the kid and you're in the middle of this court battle.

34:55 Dr. Bruce The raccoon family is the alternative. Let me just say one thing to him, though.

34:59 Adam What? Just say it to him. He can hear you.

35:01 Dr. Bruce Joe, get an attorney, challenge the lab, find out that they have to have a physician that screens these drug tests. And if you challenge it, because that's a legitimate thing to challenge. And hair testing is notoriously in act.

35:16 Adam Take care of yourself. Tony?

35:18 Yeah.

35:18 Adam You're 17?

35:20 Caller Yeah.

35:20 Adam What's up?

35:21 Caller At first, I want to say that I like the main show.

35:24 Adam Thank you.

35:24 Caller If you ever have an opening spot, I'd love to be on this show.

35:28 Adam Bitch! An opening spot? Okay. We'll do that.

35:31 Caller Yeah. I'm an underage stripper, and I'm trying to figure out if I should tell my mom or not, because I'm beginning to think she's suspecting.

35:41 Adam Well, how does an underage stripper work? You guys work like parties and bar mitzvahs, Chuck E. Cheese? Oh, I see. I see. You don't bill yourself as an underage stripper.

35:51 Caller No.

35:52 Adam Oh, I see.

35:53 Caller I lied on my interview.

35:54 Adam They think you're 18?

35:56 Caller Yeah.

35:56 Adam And you're 17?

35:57 Caller Yeah.

35:58 Adam And what kind of club do you work at?

36:01 Caller Oh, this is a club for ladies at the hours club, you know.

36:05 Adam How do you do? You make good tips?

36:07 Caller Yeah. On a good night, I can make about 300 in tips. Wow.

36:11 Adam And how naked do you get?

36:13 Caller All the way down to my socks.

36:15 Adam Oh, I see. You just have your sock over your dick?

36:18 Caller No.

36:18 Adam No, no. Oh, I see your socks are on your feet. Right.

36:20 Caller Yeah.

36:21 Adam Right. And I didn't know they had, like, maybe I'm naive, but I didn't know they had totally naked women's clubs. Like, I thought they kept the G string on or something like that. So your pants are, you're completely naked.

36:35 Caller Pretty much.

36:35 Adam And you're shaking your penis around in front of the women?

36:39 Caller Yeah, that's what you want to call it.

36:41 Adam And now, do you, do you chub, do you chub up a little bit before you head out?

36:45 Caller Yeah.

36:45 Adam Yeah, you got to, right?

36:46 Caller Yeah.

36:47 Adam You get a little blood circulating, right?

36:49 Caller Yeah.

36:50 Adam And what is your, what is, what is your dance? You go out there like a fireman or something?

36:55 Caller Well, me, I dress up as a mailman.

36:58 Adam Mailman. See, okay, hold on. This is, this is my theory, Bruce. I've said this many times. When a man goes, when women go to see a guy strip, the guy has to have a job. It's like part of the fantasy. It's got to be a cop, it's got to be a fireman, it's like a village people up there. It's, it's the, yeah, it's just, it's, it's the sexy guys and military guys in the end. Eventually, it's funny, to me, it's distracting because now the cop has his pants around his ankle and he's dancing around. That's a distraction to me. When women, when guys go to see women dance, you know what they dress as? Strippers. They come out wearing nothing and guys are like, you got too much on. They come out wearing high heels and a thong and guys are like, get rid of the thong and the heels. There's never, there's no fantasy. Women have to fantasize not only about the naked guy, but he's got a job. It's like exciting that the guy has a career too.

37:54 Dr. Bruce You should write a book.

37:56 Adam I knew he had a job. That's why I asked him.

37:58 Dr. Bruce You're a genius about these things.

37:59 Adam Oh, they come out as the UPS guy, the male guy, the cop guy. They're always the guys.

38:04 Dr. Bruce You've been to these places.

38:04 Adam I know, I know, I know the feminine psyche very well. It's a turn on that the guy has a job. It's exciting that he's working for the postal department.

38:12 Dr. Bruce So Tony, how long have you been doing this?

38:15 Caller I've been doing it about six months.

38:18 Adam Yeah, and he's making good money.

38:20 Dr. Bruce Yeah, you're making good money. It's not good for you, though, you know. It's that kind of sexual, I mean, that kind of sexual acting out, which it is a form of sexual acting out, you know, it's going to tend to affect you later on in relationships and how you see women and stuff like that.

38:33 Adam Yeah, but look, this guy's walking away with 300 large every night.

38:38 Dr. Bruce He's a teenager.

38:38 Adam When you were 17, you were mowing lawns and getting four bucks a year.

38:42 Dr. Bruce Which is far more normal than being a male stripper at 17.

38:45 Caller Yeah, to me, it was all about the money.

38:48 Dr. Bruce But you know what? There's a payoff, a payback. There's always payback in life. What you're doing is not good for you. It's not healthy for you. I'm not judging you. I'm not saying you're bad because you do this.

38:57 Adam Look, he'd probably be selling coke to miners if he wasn't out on that stage shaking.

39:02 Dr. Bruce This is a Corolla moral creed. Well, hey, I don't buy it.

39:06 Adam Tony, hold on a second. I got to ask a few more questions. What are your hours at this club?

39:13 Caller Well, I work from nine to one.

39:14 Adam Nine to one, and do you do that on weeknights too?

39:17 Caller Well, today I took off, but I work on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays.

39:23 Adam Well, I'm not going to come out and see you, but you're getting some work in. And do you go to school?

39:29 Caller Yes.

39:30 Adam And you go to high school?

39:31 Caller Yeah, I was thinking.

39:33 Adam And your mom doesn't question you coming home at 1.30, 2 o'clock?

39:37 Caller I told her I have a job at the Kmart and Out area.

39:41 Adam All right. All right. Now, are you saving up your money?

39:45 Caller Yeah.

39:46 Adam And what are you going to do? You're going to go to college or something?

39:49 Caller Yeah.

39:49 Adam You are. You're doing okay in school?

39:52 Caller Matter of fact, I already been accepted to the school that I want to go to and everything like that.

39:57 Adam You visited the campus?

39:58 Caller Yeah.

39:59 Adam All right. This guy's way ahead of where I was. Listen, if I was stripping at 17, I'd still be stripping.

40:04 Dr. Bruce You would have been at the circus stripping.

40:07 Adam Here's the deal. Here's what I'll say. He can strip until he goes to college. He can save up so much money. Oh, he's a guy who cares. Which a fat housewife's out there. He shakes his ass.

40:20 Dr. Bruce No, there's more to it than that. Walks for 300 bucks. Yeah. Ask him if he ever goes home with anybody for a share of money.

40:24 Adam Listen, let me ask you this. It's not the most dignified way to make a living. But this guy's walking away with 300 bucks. And I was cleaning the carpet of a colony kitchen when I was 19, making six bucks an hour.

40:36 Dr. Bruce What did you ask him at the beginning?

40:37 Adam Isn't that humiliating? Is that not humiliating?

40:40 Dr. Bruce You're not a good carrot at the end of the state. I mean, your experience, your success, based on your prior history, that's not a good role model for anybody either. And neither is this guy. Here's a question for you. What did you ask him if he does to get the blood flowing there?

40:55 Adam What does he do?

40:56 Dr. Bruce He chumps up.

40:57 Adam He chumps up, yeah.

40:58 Dr. Bruce I thought that was a fishing turn.

40:59 Adam No, he chumps up. He's gotta go back there. He's gotta look at some Playboys or something, get a little blood circulating before you step out on stage.

41:08 Dr. Bruce Okay, just looking at Playboys. There's no, what do you call them in the porno and... Fluff Girls?

41:13 Caller No, they don't have...

41:15 Adam Tony, they don't have fluff girls there, do they?

41:18 Caller No.

41:18 Adam No, you just gotta do your own work.

41:20 Caller Yeah.

41:21 Adam Right, that's fine. What songs do you dance to?

41:24 Caller Well, the DJ plays whatever he wants.

41:26 Adam Oh, really? Yeah.

41:28 Dr. Bruce Any sexual abuse in the past? Did you have any? What was your family like growing up? All that kind of stuff?

41:33 Caller Pretty cool, pretty much.

41:35 Dr. Bruce No abuse? Never had any sexual abuse? Never any?

41:38 Caller No.

41:38 Adam All right. Okay, here's the deal, Tony, if you save your money in that industry, how did you even find one of those places at 17? He's built, leave him alone. Save your money. You don't buy any drugs or jewelry or any crap.

41:49 Dr. Bruce That's not what ROTC is, is it? They don't recruit you there.

41:52 Adam No. Save your money.

41:54 Dr. Bruce Go to college, but you can dance until you're gonna have consequences, Tony. I'd get out of it and I'd go see a therapist. There's something going on, there's something going on. You know, look, the average 17-year-old is not in a male strip club.

42:04 Adam The average 17-year-old doesn't look like Tony Nude.

42:08 Dr. Bruce It doesn't matter if he does. He doesn't go to the strip club. He goes to the gym, plays basketball. I've had anal sex and I've passed out a couple of times.

42:14 Adam And who's paying him?

42:15 Dr. Bruce Hey Anderson, you got any other recording in there of me or what?

42:18 Adam Who's paying him to play basketball, genius?

42:21 Dr. Bruce Who's paying you?

42:23 Adam All right. Are you stoned?

42:25 Dr. Bruce No, this guy's got, this is a very serious problem. This ended long term consequences to this behavior. Those clubs, there's drugs.

42:34 Adam Just like all the guys I knew in high school who were getting laid, boy, they really have held the pay now.

42:38 Dr. Bruce Is this guy, you think he's gay?

42:40 Adam No. All right, we're going to take a break. We'll be back.

42:43 Caller Hello, this is your radio. Loveline will be right back.

42:49 Caller This is Loveline on 94.7 NRK.

42:58 Adam Hey, everybody. Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Bruce. Dr. Bruce doing a great job filling in for Dr. Drew tonight, who will be back on Sunday night. Dr. Bruce, board certified. And very, very competent. Knows as much, if not more, than Dr. Dr. Drew, even if he has difficulty conveying it. Jordan.

43:27 Yep.

43:28 Adam Fifteen years old.

43:30 Adam, I'd like to say before we get to the question that you are a god.

43:34 Adam Thank you. Thank you.

43:36 I watch the man show all the time. I mean, I love it.

43:38 Adam Thank you.

43:39 Dr. Bruce Is Satan a god of some sort or something?

43:40 Adam Yeah. He's a god of hellfire. All right there, Jordan. What's up?

43:47 Well, I'd like to know how big the average penis at my side should be.

43:51 Adam Flaccid about, what, you're fifteen? Between ten and eleven, flaccid, erect anywhere from fourteen to sixteen. I mean, look, listen, I'm not going to kid you. At fifteen, if your penis is, you know, eight or nine flaccid and, you know, ten to twelve or something erect, it's no big deal because some guys, you know, your penis continues growing until twenty one and it's no no big deal. But why? How big is yours?

44:22 Four and a half.

44:23 Adam Oh, man. Flaccid, right?

44:27 Yeah.

44:28 Adam That's not erect, right?

44:30 No, not erect.

44:31 Adam Not erect. That's a four and a half?

44:33 Erect is about six.

44:34 Adam About six. Oh, man.

44:36 Yikes.

44:37 Caller Yeah.

44:38 Adam Okay.

44:39 Dr. Bruce Hey, Jordan.

44:40 Adam You just get good with your mouth. That's all. No.

44:43 Dr. Bruce Jordan, you know the way your voice is a little high pitched right now? Okay. As that deepens, you know, you'll have other effects of the hormones that deepen your voice, including growth of your penis. So you're perfectly normal at your age and you'll go on to bigger and better things.

45:00 Adam All right. Melissa.

45:03 Yeah.

45:03 Adam You're 15.

45:04 Caller Yeah.

45:04 Adam What's up?

45:06 Caller This is guy at school. I like him a lot. And my best friend, she knows how I feel. And she has taken two of my ex-boyfriends.

45:14 Adam Right.

45:15 Caller And she's talking to him a lot.

45:17 Adam And she wants she wants a third boyfriend now.

45:19 Caller I don't know.

45:20 Caller We're not going out because he tells his girlfriend and he's trying to break up with her. And we're on winter break right now.

45:26 Caller Right.

45:26 Adam How long does that process take to break up with someone these days at 15? Is that about 10 minutes? 15 minutes?

45:34 Caller It depends on who it is and if they can break up with them easily.

45:37 Adam Oh, I see. Sometimes, right, it's a little messy. There's a lot of paperwork. She's in Milan. He's in Paris. Difficulty corresponding.

45:47 Dr. Bruce Let me translate Adam's humorous message here. It's very normal to have quickly ending and beginning relationships at that age. And what your friend's doing is not good and doesn't sound like she's your friend, but it would be better to lose her as a friend than to try and get back at her or try and repair the relationships that fell apart because of her.

46:08 Adam Listen, let me say something about you chicks. All you do, you know why you guys have friends? So you can complain about them. This goes well into adulthood, too. This is all women do is they complain about their friends. Either they put on weight or they're wearing something that doesn't make them look good or God forbid they should wear the same thing. You know why guys have friends? So they can have friends. Women have friends. Here's how women, you know why women have friends? They have, if they have three friends, when they're with the one friend, they talk about the one that's not there. And when they're with the other, they talk about the other one who's not there. That's all they do is talk smack about each other. They steal each other's boyfriends and then they get older and they just complain that everyone's fat and how they don't deserve anything. And then as they get older, they start telling you what cosmetic surgery the other one has had done.

46:59 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

46:59 Adam Yeah. Oh, she dies her roots. Oh, her roots, those roots.

47:04 Dr. Bruce You know, you should save your wisdom and put it in a book.

47:06 Adam Thank you. Listen, if you if this girl, this girl steals every boyfriend you have, she's not your friend, right? Dump her. And this guy who is allegedly in the process of breaking up with his girlfriend, but hasn't happened yet, you give him another week. And if it's not done, you move on.

47:23 Dr. Bruce But this is like the 19 year old got the broken heart. You know, they can't 15. These are growing experiences to have to have a boyfriend and then lose them. And then, you know, it's more important to go through them in a healthy way and to move on and then find a friend that's not going to do this to you.

47:36 Adam Good.

47:37 Dr. Bruce We'll be right back.

47:37 Adam She's going to be pregnant this time. That's here and strung out on crack. We'll be back.

47:42 Dr. Bruce All right, guys.

47:43 Caller Looking to hook up.

47:44 Dr. Bruce Call the Dateline.

47:45 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person. Call the Dateline.

47:48 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:49 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:51 Dr. Bruce 1-877-889.

47:53 Caller Date. Love Line on 94.7 NRK.

48:09 Adam Hey, y'all, Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Bruce filling in for Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew will be back. He's on a little tour, going through the Panama Canal, and going to Cuba, and saying he's gonna meet with Castro. He's high, he's so high. I like that. I'm gonna hear all about his crappy stories when he comes back. I guarantee he doesn't meet with Castro.

48:37 Dr. Bruce But Susan went with him in the triplets, right?

48:39 Adam Yeah, the whole family. Oh, man.

48:42 Dr. Bruce Maybe Susan was gonna meet with Castro.

48:43 Adam Ain't no boat big enough for me and Drew's wife.

48:46 Yeah, that's right.

48:47 Adam Let me tell you something. The Titanic, not big enough.

48:50 Dr. Bruce That's right.

48:51 Adam If it was just the two of us on that boat, it would not be big enough.

48:54 Dr. Bruce I'd love to see her.

48:57 Adam If she was on an aircraft carrier, and it was just the two of us, I would be towed behind on a dinghy.

49:02 Dr. Bruce Oh, I agree.

49:03 Adam A 200-foot anchor change.

49:05 Dr. Bruce I get along great with her. I just listen.

49:06 Adam It's a dynamite lady, dynamite lady. All right. She's not listening to the show.

49:10 Dr. Bruce No.

49:11 Adam Okay, fine. Dynamite lady. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Bruce, board certified and all that good stuff. Dr. Bruce saved a life.

49:22 Dr. Bruce Oh, please.

49:23 Adam I think he did. On the way in car accidents, 80 miles an hour on the freeway, airbags deployed, guy careening off the center divider. Bruce coming in covered in blood. A hand that was red, like it was just painted red, like he was the devil for Halloween. Saving a life. Blood coming out of a guy, unconscious. Bruce first on the scene.

49:47 Dr. Bruce I'll probably get sued.

49:50 Adam Yelling, there's no time for backup.

49:52 Dr. Bruce I'm yelling, get me out of here, Corolla's gonna have my ass.

49:56 Adam Going in there, putting his hand in the mouth. And let me tell you something about Bruce. He doesn't care what color you are, what God you pray to, when he's got to save your life. No. You care if you're an atheist, or you're one of them towel heads, or wetback, or darkie, or chink, champ, mick, whop, heeb. He don't care what you are. He don't care who you pray to. He'll go in and he'll save your life, because that's what he's sworn to do. That's Dr. Bruce, everybody. That's right. Oh, yeah, yeah, you kissed George Clooney's ass because he's making a mint playing some guy on TV that barely gets his hands dirty, but not Bruce. He's out there patrolling the nation's highways and saving lives.

50:47 Dr. Bruce Back to reality, Christina wants to go to the prom with you, Adam.

50:49 Adam All right, and speaking of the highways, and let me just say this, that accident was probably caused because the roads were slick, because it was raining, right?

50:58 Dr. Bruce Going too fast.

50:58 Adam Now, let me just say this. I say this every so often, but I've not said it in a while. Weathermen, Southern California weathermen. I give you guys a couple of options of what you need to do with your life. You either need to go to work for your cousin stuffing sofas at the factory, put a bullet in your head, or just crawl under the desk and start giving oral to whoever the anchor is. Because you are totally not... Let me finish. Not only are you people useless, but you're actually worse than not being there because you hand out erroneous information. And here's what I'm saying. Now, just shut up and let me rant here, Bruce. If I'm driving down the road and I stop for directions, I'd rather have the guy say, I don't know where Forth and Elm is rather than point me the wrong direction and have me go way out of my way. And I'm sitting home watching this is on New Year's or the New Year's Eve and I'm watching the five day weather report. And let me tell you something. You jackasses given the five day weather report when you can't figure out what's going on the following morning is ridiculous. Do you understand? This is ludicrous. And these guys are telling me that tomorrow is going to be a little overcast, then it'll clear up. It's going to be beautiful on New Year's Day. It's going to be sunny and then some clouds and more sun and more sun and as the week goes on, more sun and spectacular weather. And the guy says, I guarantee it. It has been nothing but pea soup out here, cold. Might as well move to Seattle. But here's another and it's raining as I'm driving in tonight. I'm thinking to myself, what are you people good for and who holds you accountable?

52:36 Dr. Bruce But you ever notice the guys are always perfectly clothed, they're clothes horses and they're always a comedian. They got some gig on the side.

52:41 Adam That's right.

52:42 Dr. Bruce That's what by the perfect tan, the hair's never out of place. And they're promoting the self promotion to the.

52:48 Adam Here's my point. You homos spend a little less time at the tan salon and a little more time at the college. They figure out what you're doing.

52:55 Dr. Bruce Did you hear Rio de Janeiro? Listen, on New Year's Eve, he said that there are going to be severe thunderstorms and horrible rain. And they they are prosecuting him in Rio de Janeiro for a violation of the public trust. Good like that first time a weatherman has been.

53:10 Adam I hope they stone him to death. Listen, you pricks, you don't know what you're talking about. And here's the deal. I don't know what I'm talking about either, but I don't do weather. I just shut up about weather. And you just shut up too. Let's just expand sports. Can't we just expand the sports? Do we need these idiots up here pointing at the map, talking about what to wear, talking about mother nature, doing that crap where they say, sun up at 548 in the morning, sun down at... Who cares when the sun's going down? The sun goes down when it's dark.

53:41 Dr. Bruce I don't want to expand sports.

53:43 Adam Expand the sports.

53:44 Dr. Bruce What's with Australian rules soccer results?

53:46 Adam I don't...

53:47 Dr. Bruce When I'm driving home at two in the morning on national public radio, why am I hearing British soccer?

53:51 Adam I don't care. I would rather have more sports than these idiots talking their ass off. It's raining and it's supposed to be nothing but sunny now. And the point is, is these people don't know and we shouldn't listen to them.

54:02 Caller Let's heal some babies.

54:04 Adam All right. Christina.

54:05 Caller Hello, Adam.

54:06 Adam Hi.

54:08 Caller Yeah.

54:09 Caller I was wondering if you wanted to go to my prom with me.

54:11 Adam Yeah.

54:12 Caller Yeah.

54:13 Adam Where is it?

54:14 Caller It's at Wood Creek High School. It's located in Roseville, like right by Sacramento.

54:18 Adam Oh, yeah. That's a little out of my range.

54:21 Dr. Bruce I was just there yesterday.

54:22 Caller Oh, really?

54:22 Dr. Bruce I was in Roseville.

54:23 Adam Why don't you go to the prom with her?

54:24 Dr. Bruce No, it's okay. She's underage. You can't go either.

54:26 Adam You know, I don't think you want to go with me because my prom date died. I'm serious.

54:33 How did that happen?

54:34 Adam She died of like some kind of like a brain aneurysm or something.

54:38 Dr. Bruce Seriously?

54:39 Adam Yeah. Not that night, but just a couple of years later, just dropped dead.

54:45 Dr. Bruce That happens. People have a...

54:46 Adam Yeah. I'm the kiss of death.

54:47 Dr. Bruce Have you ever seen Adam, Christina?

54:49 Caller In person?

54:50 Dr. Bruce Do you know what he looks like?

54:51 Caller Yeah, I know what he looks like.

54:53 Dr. Bruce All right.

54:53 Adam Yeah.

54:54 Caller Come on, please.

54:55 Adam Yeah, I mean, you want to... But like, I mean, if I go to prom and we really got to do it right, like we got to get an eight ball in a hotel room and that kind of thing. I mean, are you cool?

55:06 Caller I don't know.

55:06 Dr. Bruce Do you have parents?

55:07 Caller Yeah.

55:08 Adam You got friends?

55:09 Caller Yeah.

55:10 Adam Because I may need more than one date.

55:12 Caller That's cool. I can get you one point.

55:13 Adam I can take like four or five chicks.

55:14 Dr. Bruce You might need a couple of chaperones if you've got parents.

55:18 Adam No, you listen. And what do you like, by the way? You want a pin-on corsage? You want a wrist corsage? I want a wrist. Okay. How about a knee or ankle corsage? I'm thinking of shaking things up a little this year. I don't know. Do you have a theme to your prom?

55:33 Caller We don't know yet, actually.

55:35 Adam Do you? Is it a hotel or do you do it at the gym?

55:38 Caller It's going to be at a hotel.

55:40 Adam Okay. Four star?

55:42 Caller Probably.

55:42 Adam Okay. We'll get a room there, right? Maybe. Do you think your parents will be cool with that?

55:48 Caller I don't think so.

55:50 Adam Okay. Well, I guess, I guess we could break away from the prom, maybe do the coke, get it on, and I just get you out of there, sitting on a cab back, and I just stay in the room, raid the minibar. Can you get your dad's credit card or something?

56:04 Caller I have a credit card.

56:05 Adam All right. Well, I'm going to need that for incidental.

56:07 Dr. Bruce Do you have a boyfriend?

56:08 Caller Me?

56:09 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

56:09 Caller Not at the time.

56:10 Adam No.

56:10 Dr. Bruce Do you have, would you like an autographed picture of Adam?

56:13 Caller Oh, seriously.

56:14 Adam Yeah. Do you, what do you look like? Do you think you'll get a prom day?

56:17 Caller I'm totally going to get one. I just wanted to know if you want it.

56:19 Adam Oh, are you hot?

56:21 Caller I don't know if I'm hot or not.

56:23 Caller I think I look cute.

56:24 Adam Well, like, do you think, like you're senior, right?

56:27 Caller Yeah.

56:28 Adam Do you think you might have to stoop to asking like a junior or sophomore or something like that?

56:34 Caller No.

56:35 Adam Because that's how you know the desperate people are when they're going, like when the chick, the chick's a senior, she's going with the freshman. That means she had to, that was a last-minute job. You're fat. True, please. What's that?

56:46 Caller I know a couple of people who have done that.

56:48 Adam Yeah. When is your prom? In April, they say?

56:51 Caller Yeah, it's 420.

56:52 Adam Oh, really? Why? Shouldn't it be a little later on? I thought there were more, more May. No? All right.

57:00 Dr. Bruce Christina, I'm just curious. Do you have any abuse issues in the past?

57:02 Caller I don't know.

57:03 Dr. Bruce Why would you ask Adam Carolla, all the people, why not, you know, ask, you know, somebody that's in the sports or somebody with an upstanding image?

57:12 Adam I think we could have a good time.

57:13 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

57:14 Caller He's such a cutie pie.

57:15 Adam Yeah. All right. Hey, Christina. Yeah. I may have to run this through my publicist or manager or something. We'll fax over the appropriate material. We'll see what we can do.

57:26 Dr. Bruce Yeah. Why don't you ask Dr. Drew? I mean, if I had a choice between Adam and Dr. Drew.

57:30 Caller I don't want to go with Dr. Drew.

57:32 Dr. Bruce That would be the healthy choice. I'd recommend therapy for you, Christina.

57:35 Adam Yeah. We'll make a man show bit out of it. Listen, I'm going to give out a... Who am I talking to? Damien. Damien, quit making small talk over there. Get Christina's phone number. All right.

57:49 How long have you been blind, deaf, and dumb?

57:52 Adam Christina, this probably isn't going to happen, but it might. So I'm going to get your phone number, all right?

57:57 Dr. Bruce Okay. All right. Christina, I want to talk to your parents.

58:00 Adam No, she's fine.

58:01 Dr. Bruce I'll pass the parents' number to Dr. Drew.

58:03 Adam She's fine. We'll get a limo.

58:04 Dr. Bruce We want to keep her fine, Adam.

58:06 Adam We'll do a little coke.

58:09 Dr. Bruce Coca-Cola.

58:11 Adam We'll do a little nose-can. We'll go to the party.

58:13 Dr. Bruce Have some ear candy.

58:14 Adam Do some, like, Jaeger shots or something, and then it's up to the room.

58:18 Dr. Bruce These are your fantasies from high school. What never happened is what these are.

58:22 Adam Yeah.

58:25 Dr. Bruce The prom experience you never had. Tell us, Adam, share with us.

58:31 Yeah.

58:33 Adam It's tough.

58:33 Dr. Bruce Tell us about it.

58:34 Adam Prom's tough. I didn't have any money. I was like, I want to go to the beach and get a tan that day. It's like ditch day. Prom day is like senior ditch day, too. So everyone ditched and went down to the beach and, like, fell asleep out on the sand and got sunburned, so I look like a beat in my picture. Yeah, it's a mess, a mess. And now my prom date's dead.

58:54 Dr. Bruce I'll tell you.

58:55 Adam She died. I mean, like I said, not of that night. Probably. I think what helped killer is the constant memory harassment she's taken from society.

59:05 Dr. Bruce Her blood pressure went up and burst that aneurysm.

59:07 Adam Billy?

59:08 Yep.

59:08 Adam You're 18?

59:09 Caller Yep.

59:10 Adam What's up?

59:10 Caller Well, I got fired from my job a few weeks ago. And I've just been drinking a lot.

59:16 Adam All righty.

59:17 Caller And I've been drinking for a while now. I need to know when you're passing the limit of just getting drunk and like getting to like the alcoholism stuff.

59:26 Adam Yeah. Well, how long ago did you get fired?

59:30 Caller I don't know. A while ago.

59:31 Adam Why did you get?

59:31 Caller Like a week or two.

59:34 Adam What's that?

59:34 Caller Oh, why did I get fired? I met my friend's job at a gas station.

59:37 Adam Oh, OK. You just go over there to steal some free beer?

59:41 Caller No, a little bit, but I'm not redneck.

59:44 Adam Why did you? Why did you get fired? Yeah.

59:46 Caller Well, there were there were budget cuts and a whole like 52 people got laid off.

59:51 Dr. Bruce How old were you when you started drinking?

59:53 Caller I don't know.

59:54 Caller Well, I don't know. 15.

59:56 Dr. Bruce Any family history of drinking problems? Like your father have any drinking problems or uncle or grandfather or anything like that?

1:00:03 Caller No, not drinking problems, but drugs. Oh, my uncle likes to drink.

1:00:07 Adam How much how much you drink it?

1:00:10 Caller I don't know. I know I drink every day in the month of December. I was drunk.

1:00:15 Adam OK. Yeah, I've been drunk almost every day, too. But it's not that, you know, I don't drink that much. I have a couple of glasses of red wine.

1:00:21 Caller I don't I'm not the beer type. Yeah, I like hard liquor. And I just drink as long as I got a bottle of 151. I'm happy.

1:00:29 Adam All right.

1:00:30 Dr. Bruce OK, so we've we've established you have it. You have a drinking problem. The fact that you're calling here and you're thinking and thinking that you might have a problem, I can tell you, you do have a problem. And if it's only drinking Bacardi 151 every day and getting smashed for a month and drinking to deal with feelings, all these things. You can continue to drink and really know you're an alcoholic with a lot more severe consequences in the future. Or you can be a smart guy and realize at this point that even though you haven't had the tremendous consequences, some people do, that you've got the genetics and the reactions that people do when they are alcoholic. I'd say go to an, start going to AA.

1:01:09 Adam He's not going to do that.

1:01:10 Dr. Bruce I think he is. Hey, wait a second. Yeah, because how many guys at this point would call here and... Let me tell you something.

1:01:16 Adam I just think he's being a jag ass. I don't really think he's going to do anything about it.

1:01:21 Dr. Bruce I can't. You know what? I don't know. That's not my problem.

1:01:23 Adam Billy?

1:01:24 Caller Yeah?

1:01:25 Adam You think you want to stop drinking?

1:01:27 Caller Well, sometimes. But I know, like, a lot of people told me I'll quit. And I joke around and I did quit. I quit quitting. And I was drinking again.

1:01:37 Dr. Bruce Right. You know what? You're so clad. I mean, just a little bit talking, you got the feel of somebody that's got an alcoholism problem. And it's going to be tough to quit. You'll find it's a lot harder than you think. And the joking about it that you're doing is pretty characteristic. So if you know anybody that's gone to AA or just anywhere in the United States, anywhere in the world, you can open a phone book and look up AA and find a meeting. And you know, you don't have to sign up. You don't have to make reservations. You just walk in and you'll meet somebody that's meet a lot of people that are a lot like yourself. And you'll really save a lot of heartache and misery in your life.

1:02:14 Adam Well, yeah, here's the deal. Or you could just keep drinking, lose a bunch of money, screw your liver a little bit, punch out your stepdad and get a couple of 502s, wrap your car around a telephone pole, maybe kill one of your friends when he's in the passenger seat, not belted in, and then get sober eight years from now with that sort of the wreckage of your past behind you. Or you could just go, screw it, I'll do it now.

1:02:41 Dr. Bruce Yeah, I think there's a lot more going on in Billy's life. And I think he's...

1:02:45 Adam Really? I don't know. I don't think there's that much...

1:02:47 Dr. Bruce Probably had some blackouts and consequences.

1:02:49 Adam I thought you meant good stuff.

1:02:50 Dr. Bruce No, bad stuff. I think he knows, and I think he's probably in a bad place. And you'd be surprised at the help you can get, and the recovery that you'll see, the success you'll see, people that were just like you are now, quit drinking and didn't think there was any hope.

1:03:06 Adam Good enough. Mark?

1:03:08 Dr. Bruce Yeah?

1:03:08 Adam What's up?

1:03:09 Yeah, I have a question for you guys. Actually, a couple of questions. Okay, we'll start with the first one. I'm 23. I'll be 24 next month. And I've never been in a serious relationship. And it's because of my penis problem that I have. I'm not cut. And when I have sex or when I pull it back, it's too sensitive. And when I put on a condom and try to have sex with someone, I cancel nothing.

1:03:38 How gay are you?

1:03:39 Caller Right. Yeah.

1:03:40 Adam Well, that guy's ass is pretty tight. It could cause damage to the head.

1:03:44 Caller Well, yeah.

1:03:44 And I'm just kind of sick of faking orgasms or, you know, I need to pull out and masturbate. And I don't know if it's the past couple years. I mean, basically, my life is one night stands. I haven't been in a relationship.

1:03:58 Adam Are you gay?

1:03:59 I'm gay. Yeah. And I another thing is, I don't know if it's because I'm smoking too much pot. I don't know if that's that's not letting me have an orgasm. If it's if I'm watching too much porn, I mean, I really don't know. You know what I'm saying? And my thing is like, should I maybe go in and get circumcised? And is that painful?

1:04:20 Adam Well, let me let me ask you a couple of questions here, Mark. First off, do you think gay guys smoke more weed than straight guys? I think they do.

1:04:30 Oh, gay, gay, gay boys know how to party. I mean, not that straight men don't, but no gay boys party. I mean, we. Yeah. Well, no, I'm not going to every bit of a spot. Whatever.

1:04:41 Adam I know. But I think I think here's what I think. I think gay men like like maybe at 19, but at age 40, gay guys smoke weed and straight guys have given it up by then, or at least a lot of them have.

1:04:55 Caller I agree with you. Just like what is that? I think I think when I go to a bar, I see a lot more 40, 30, 40 year old men, you know, dancing like, you know, well, because they got it because they're cruising their whole life. Right, right.

1:05:10 Adam And I mean, when you're a straight guy, you're 40, you're home, you got four kids, you're waiting to die like Dr. Bruce, you're like, please, Lord, take me. Please have something fall on the house. I could just go peacefully in my sleep. But these gay guys are out whooping it up because every day is a holiday when you're gay.

1:05:26 Caller Every day is fun. And I know and everyone's cruising and stuff, you know, and it gets it gets old.

1:05:31 Adam Yeah, I know. But I'd still like to be gay. Yeah, I'm sure it's a better life.

1:05:35 Caller Yeah, well, it's fun. It's fun, you know.

1:05:38 Adam But let me ask you this is also to with gay guys, you want to get high is code for can I blow you pretty much, right? Like you want to go somewhere.

1:05:48 Caller Oh, yes.

1:05:50 Caller You know what? I don't know. I just I always get pretty lucky every time I, you know, need to get laid.

1:05:55 Adam I get laid. Yeah, you know, you know why? Because you have guys deciding whether you're going to get laid or not. And that's a sure thing.

1:06:01 Caller Yeah.

1:06:02 Adam Can you imagine that? See, that's code like whenever I used to hitchhike, a gay guy picked me up. He's always like, you want to get high?

1:06:12 Caller You want to get high?

1:06:12 Adam Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's what the crew asked me when he picked me up. You want to get high? You know what it means? It means you want to go back to my apartment, hang out a little, smoke a little weed and see what happens.

1:06:24 Caller I like it. I don't get high because I need to get laid.

1:06:27 Adam No, I know. I know.

1:06:28 Caller All right.

1:06:28 Adam So your penis, you have a little stenosis there. You have the pre-pews and it pulls back, it cracks, it gets broken. It's shrunken a little bit.

1:06:39 Caller No, I have a large penis. I have a really large penis.

1:06:42 Adam No, not your penis. I'm not questioning your penis size, but I mean the foreskin.

1:06:46 Caller Right.

1:06:46 Adam When the foreskin gets pulled back over the end of the penis, does it bleed then? Does it crack?

1:06:52 Caller It doesn't bleed. It just, you know, the head becomes very sensitive. Like you can't even touch it.

1:06:58 Caller Oh, right. Right, right. Okay.

1:07:01 Caller And then when I do have sex, I don't have sex without a condom. I've never had sex without a condom, and I'm really afraid to have sex without a condom. But then again, I'm also like, God, I'm going to be 24 next month, and I haven't experienced an orgasm by, you know, screwing someone. I have to like stop masturbating. To me, that's, and maybe that's a reason of why I'm not in a relationship is because when it gets that far, I get kind of embarrassed.

1:07:28 Adam Yeah. No, that's not the reason you're not in a relationship. When you get in a relationship, you get to do all that embarrassing stuff without being so freaky about it. Okay, let me give you some advice. A, start focusing on a relationship. Right. And B, you got to toughen up the end of your penis. Let me tell you how to do that. Let me tell you how to do that. When you're just putzing around the house in your underpants, those thong backs or bikini cuts you guys wear, right? You wear the bikini cut?

1:08:03 Caller I don't know what you wear, but I wear boxers.

1:08:06 Adam Boxers? I can't wear boxers because the fly always comes open and my penis comes out when I'm standing around. It feels weird. I have to pull it back in. Okay, listen, Mark, here's what you need to do. You need, when you're just flaccid, right? And you're just walking around in your boxers around the house. Watch an opera or whatever you guys do all day.

1:08:30 Caller I watch porn all day.

1:08:31 Adam Okay, okay. Gay porn?

1:08:33 Caller No, I like gay and straight porn.

1:08:34 Adam Oh, really?

1:08:35 Caller And you know, I'm expecting one to come into the mail soon.

1:08:39 Adam Okay, good, good. Me too. I hope ours don't get mixed up. I pray they don't. Just listen to me. Listen to me, Mark. I want you to pull your foreskin back and let your head of your penis just dangle in your boxer shorts. As you walk around. Do this every day. Even if it's a little bit uncomfortable. Every day. Let the air hit it. Let the sun hit it. Let it rub up against the side of your boxer shorts. It will begin to toughen up. Just like a man who gets a circumcision. If you got circumcised, you'd have to deal with the same thing.

1:09:16 Caller For a while?

1:09:17 Adam Yes. So you pull that skin back, do it on your own. Will it stay back on its own? If it doesn't stay back, you can use one of those twist ties that come with the hefty bag. No, pull the skin back, do this every day for an hour. That's good.

1:09:34 Dr. Bruce Come on.

1:09:34 Adam I'm serious. Every day for an hour. Let that sensitive penis, it's not used to touching air. See, it's too sensitive. Here's what it is. Here's what's going on. He has a foreskin over his penis all day and all night. Then he gets with one of these guys. He gets him back. He gets ready. He gets behind. He starts getting ready to do that act against nature of God. The head comes out of the penis and it's painful because it's not been exposed to anything. He needs to pull the foreskin back, walk around the apartment, let it dangle. Let's bang it up against the table, bang it up against the counter. Let it bang up against the underpants, toughen it up.

1:10:14 Dr. Bruce Mark has real issues. Mark, I'd like to ask you about his... No, yeah, no, substance abuse is rampant in the gay community.

1:10:21 Adam They like it. You know what they love? They love that amyl. They love those poppers.

1:10:25 Dr. Bruce I don't know what they like.

1:10:26 Adam That's what they like.

1:10:27 Dr. Bruce Wait a second.

1:10:28 Adam That's enough. He's fine.

1:10:30 Dr. Bruce He's not fine.

1:10:31 Adam Mark, Mark, I swear to God. Hold on a second.

1:10:34 Dr. Bruce Mark.

1:10:35 Adam Mark, don't listen. Don't talk. Mark, don't listen to Bruce. Mark, gay Mark. Okay, you pull that penis out, even if it's uncomfortable and it hurts a little bit. a couple of hours a day that way.

1:10:49 Dr. Bruce Quit smoking pot, quit watching pornos for a while.

1:10:52 Adam And then you call back in two weeks and tell me.

1:10:55 Dr. Bruce Wait a second, get to a therapist.

1:10:56 Adam No, that's fine.

1:10:57 Dr. Bruce Wait a second, gay relationship, straight relationship, intimacy. This guy's got an issue with intimacy. This guy's got a substance abuse problem and he's watching porn. That much...

1:11:06 Adam Smoke's a little weed.

1:11:07 Dr. Bruce He's probably had some history of some sort of issues in the past and I'm not saying that's why he's gay, but certainly this guy's got some very unhealthy behaviors. Get that Bible out. Excuse me.

1:11:18 Adam I know you're very religious, very pious man, Dr. Bruce.

1:11:21 Dr. Bruce I'm offended.

1:11:23 Adam He's a doctor, but he believes the earth's only 2,000 years old.

1:11:26 Dr. Bruce I didn't... I said I believe in creation. The bad religion conflict.

1:11:30 Adam Oh, my God. Quiet down with your voodoo over there. Jane? Call her Jane?

1:11:37 Dr. Bruce Wake up.

1:11:38 Adam 18 years old. You put her in a dream with your name right up like...

1:11:41 Dr. Bruce She's having dreams about her father is the problem.

1:11:43 Adam Jane's having dreams about her father, sexual dreams about her father. We got to take ourselves a little break.

1:11:49 Dr. Bruce This is ear, nose and throat night.

1:11:50 Adam Has been able to breathe through his nose for 2 years. That's not a good question.

1:11:55 Dr. Bruce OK, this is better. This...

1:11:56 Adam Well, Melissa wants to know why this guy had an orgasm in 30 seconds. Wants to know if it's normal. And she asked her mom about it.

1:12:05 Dr. Bruce This is a better one. No, we haven't had General Warts calling.

1:12:09 Adam I don't care. I'm tired of those General Warts. We're going to talk to Melissa's 16. I have warts. When? Is that me?

1:12:18 Caller That's pretty good.

1:12:20 Dr. Bruce I can cure him, Adam. My laser. I'll laser your warts.

1:12:23 Adam I don't have warts. I have warts. True check. I won $100 from Drew because he checked my penis with a woods light.

1:12:32 Dr. Bruce He did?

1:12:32 Adam In merionic acid.

1:12:34 Dr. Bruce What's happened to his standards?

1:12:36 Adam I don't know. Next thing I know, I got my penis out. He's checking it with a black light.

1:12:41 Dr. Bruce That's a mental picture. I don't want to read.

1:12:43 Adam That's right. That's right. And I came out on top like I always do.

1:12:47 Dr. Bruce Really?

1:12:48 Adam He said my penis looked like it was never used.

1:12:51 Dr. Bruce You probably switched out the light bulb in this woods lamp.

1:12:54 Adam Suspicious.

1:12:56 Dr. Bruce Maybe it hasn't been used. You can't get general warts masturbating, can you?

1:13:01 Adam I'm going to flog you with my penis. We're going to take a break. We'll be back. Dr. Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Bruce filling in for Dr. Drew. Dr. Bruce doing a nice job tonight. I don't care if that Drew ever comes back.

1:13:48 Caller Unacceptable.

1:13:53 Adam Dr. Bruce, a good guy because he's a human being whereas Drew's more of a robot.

1:13:57 Caller Unacceptable.

1:13:59 Adam You get to talk to Bruce about stuff, cars, guitars. He likes junk. He's a kind of a human being. Is someone's phone ringing out there? Something's driving me nuts. What is that?

1:14:11 Dr. Bruce Unacceptable.

1:14:12 Adam All right, listen. You hear that?

1:14:14 Dr. Bruce No.

1:14:15 Adam Anderson, you hear that? Ann, you hear that?

1:14:19 Caller All right.

1:14:20 Adam What's the thing about, what is it? How does this work? The higher your IQ is, the less you notice anything in life. Do you know what I mean?

1:14:28 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:14:29 Adam It just turns you into a retard. Like, you become so caught up in your own cramp and your high, your genius IQ that you just don't notice anything.

1:14:37 Dr. Bruce Drew is extremely focused.

1:14:39 Adam He just doesn't know anything. He doesn't know anything.

1:14:42 Dr. Bruce He continues to read.

1:14:44 Adam He knows nothing.

1:14:45 Dr. Bruce No, he knows a lot.

1:14:45 Adam He knows nothing. Jeff?

1:14:48 Caller Yeah?

1:14:48 Adam You're 14?

1:14:50 Caller Yeah.

1:14:50 I can't breathe through my nose and I've been doing that for two...

1:14:54 Adam All right. Hold on. We're going to talk to him. We're going to talk to Melissa.

1:14:59 Caller Hi.

1:14:59 Adam Hey, you're 16.

1:15:00 Caller Yeah, I'm 16.

1:15:01 Adam What's up?

1:15:03 Caller Well, a few days ago, me and my boyfriend were fooling around and I decided to give him oral sex. And he orgasmed in about 30 seconds.

1:15:13 Adam Yeah.

1:15:13 Caller And I was talking to my mom. Of all people, I talked to my mother and she thinks there's something wrong with that. And so do I. And I was wondering if that's normal for a guy to like, you know, come in 30 seconds.

1:15:25 Adam Yeah.

1:15:25 Dr. Bruce Your mom wasn't concerned that you were at 16 performing oral sex on somebody?

1:15:29 Caller Well, my mom, I mean, what could she possibly say? I mean, she did the same thing when she was my age.

1:15:35 Dr. Bruce Well, that's why she's not concerned.

1:15:37 Adam How do you know she did the same thing when she was your age?

1:15:39 Caller She told me.

1:15:40 Adam Oh. And she's only 11 years older than Melissa. So she did the same thing.

1:15:46 Caller You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

1:15:47 Adam She told you she did the same thing?

1:15:49 Caller Yeah.

1:15:50 Adam She said, you know, back in the day, I used to blow a lot of guys.

1:15:54 Caller Well, not exactly. She didn't put it that way.

1:15:56 Dr. Bruce How old is your boyfriend?

1:15:57 Caller My boyfriend is 17.

1:15:58 Adam 17.

1:15:59 Dr. Bruce And does he have a lot of experience sexually?

1:16:01 Caller Yeah. He's had sex with a lot of girls. And I did not think that was normal because I've like gave oral sex to more than one guy. Not a lot. But it took them like 20 minutes about and took him 30 seconds. And I think that was right.

1:16:17 Adam Well, maybe you've refined your technique.

1:16:21 Caller Refined my technique. Well, what's there to really say?

1:16:25 Adam Yeah. Well, you can just say thank you. Yeah.

1:16:29 Dr. Bruce The last thing in the world that you never want to say about 17-year-old.

1:16:33 Adam Your dad is not around, is he?

1:16:35 Caller No.

1:16:35 Dr. Bruce No.

1:16:36 Adam He killed himself a long time ago. What happened to him?

1:16:39 Caller He's at work.

1:16:40 Adam He's at work. I mean, is he with your mom, though?

1:16:44 Caller Yeah. He's with my mom. They're married.

1:16:45 Adam Oh, but she doesn't tell. Does she tell him about this? No.

1:16:49 Caller No.

1:16:49 Adam Let me tell you, Bruce, you have some daughters, right? Yeah. Here's what I tell Drew. Here's what I tell Drew. He's going to do this, Drew, when his daughter, he's going to do this, when his daughter gets a little bit older, she's like eight or nine now, he gets 15, 14, 15, 16. He's going to keep, I told him, just keep a cyanide capsule and just keep it in your cheek, between your cheek and gum, just tuck back there and if you walk into a room and she's blowing a guy or she starts telling you about this guy's semen tastes bad or something like that, you just chomp down on it and you're dead before you hit the floor. Or you understand, you just boom.

1:17:21 Dr. Bruce If his daughter had called the show, that would be the ultimate.

1:17:25 Adam Drew, I said keep that in your cheek. You open the door, your daughter's on top of some dude and it's just you just chomp down. You don't even ask questions. You don't do anything. You chomp down, you go straight down on the floor. She probably finishes up with the guy and then calls the paramedic.

1:17:40 Dr. Bruce For the same reason you asked Melissa about her dad, it ain't going to happen with Drew's kids. Ninety-nine out of a hundred.

1:17:45 Adam Are you kidding me? He's an involved dad, aching in his ass. Involved dad? People give oral sex. You got your first BJ when you're well in your thirties.

1:17:57 Dr. Bruce It's strictly an anecdotal example. Doesn't matter what I did. The bottom line is, Melissa, at your age, you're having quite a bit of sexual experience, experimentation. It's not healthy. And it's like I've heard Adam say before, where are you going to go from there when you're 17, when you're 18? You start having sex too young, you set up a pattern of behavior that's not healthy, not good for you, and it destabilizes future relationships.

1:18:19 Adam It's too late. The whore's out of the barn.

1:18:21 Caller I mean whores. I mean, I haven't had sexual intercourse yet.

1:18:25 Dr. Bruce No, but you sound like a reference manual for oral sex with that.

1:18:28 Adam Oh, please. How dare you call her whore.

1:18:32 Dr. Bruce You called her a whore, right?

1:18:33 Adam Hey, Melissa.

1:18:34 Caller Yeah.

1:18:35 Adam What are you going to do? Seriously, at 17, you're going to talk about anal with your mom? Where do you go from here with the mom?

1:18:42 Caller I told my mom that when I am ready to have sex, that I will come to her about it. But that's one thing I am going to wait for.

1:18:48 Adam Okay.

1:18:49 Dr. Bruce Oral sex is sex.

1:18:51 Adam Hey, Melissa, some guys do this. That's it. I mean, you just ran into a guy who's got a short fuse.

1:18:58 Dr. Bruce Listen, Melissa, you can get gonorrhea, you can get all kinds of stuff having oral sex. So saying when you're ready to have sex, you've heard, I mean, you haven't had intercourse, but you've had sex. That's the way I look at it.

1:19:06 Adam But Melissa, if you're not planning on having sex with the guy and he has the orgasm in 30 seconds, isn't that good? I don't know. You know what I'm saying? Like if you're not going anywhere, you just finish him off. True. OK, so think of it that way. You're more efficient.

1:19:23 Dr. Bruce Medically speaking, there's no way to say that this is abnormal for the 17 year old guy because there aren't normals and abnormals for this kind of sexual activity at that age. And the longer you can put off...

1:19:34 Adam What do you mean there's not normals and abnormals?

1:19:36 Dr. Bruce OK, if this is a 30 year old guy coming to my practice saying that he has premature ejaculation, that's one thing. But a 17 year old guy getting oral sex from a sexually overly wise 16 year old girl that's been around the block a few years...

1:19:50 Adam You stinking whore! Yeah.

1:19:52 Dr. Bruce Bruce, as Adam would say...

1:19:54 Adam Most girls at 16 have done this at this day and age.

1:19:59 Dr. Bruce Well, you know what? I don't think it's most. No, I don't think most 16 year olds have performed this. No, not from a moral standpoint.

1:20:05 Adam I would say, I would say, why don't you just go, why don't you move to like Pennsylvania and raise your kids Amish?

1:20:12 Dr. Bruce Philadelphia?

1:20:13 Adam Yeah, that's what you want to do. You'd be like an Amish guy.

1:20:16 Dr. Bruce I'm from New York, man.

1:20:17 Adam Pro that red beard.

1:20:18 Dr. Bruce That's high school in New York City. I'm not that angry.

1:20:21 Adam Loosen up, loosen up.

1:20:22 Dr. Bruce It's loosen up. She should tighten up.

1:20:25 Caller I mean, she should be an idiot.

1:20:28 Adam Just pick a call. Would you stop casting?

1:20:31 Dr. Bruce You don't want to breathe through the nose.

1:20:32 Adam Then let me talk to him real fast. Jeff?

1:20:36 Yeah.

1:20:37 Adam You got a problem with your nose?

1:20:38 Yeah, I just want to say I'm a first time caller, a long time listener. I've been listening for about four years every night.

1:20:44 Dr. Bruce You're 14.

1:20:46 Yeah.

1:20:46 Dr. Bruce Oh, my God. Ten years old. You started listening to the show.

1:20:48 Yeah.

1:20:49 Dr. Bruce You know, there's brain damage from listening to Adam when you're ten years old.

1:20:52 It's gonna be a lawsuit. I got dropped on my head too many times.

1:20:55 Dr. Bruce Okay. Well, that explains it.

1:20:56 I gotta say, I love the Man Show.

1:20:58 Adam Thank you.

1:20:58 Dr. Bruce Wait a second.

1:20:59 Adam Thank you.

1:21:00 Dr. Bruce Do your parents know you watch the Man Show?

1:21:04 Well, I told them about it, but they won't ever watch it.

1:21:06 Adam Well, listen, obviously, his parents are neglectful of Jeff. I mean, he's been listening to Loveline since he was ten. So they don't think the rats ask about you.

1:21:14 Dr. Bruce It doesn't matter if your dad likes the Juggies or not.

1:21:16 Adam Just shut up and answer his question about his nose, please. What's the nose question?

1:21:21 OK. I've had a clogged nose for like about two years now. And I don't know why. And I want to know what I can do about it.

1:21:31 Dr. Bruce Respectfully asking you this question. You don't snort, need drugs, no coke, or speed.

1:21:34 No, I've never done a drug in my life.

1:21:36 Dr. Bruce OK.

1:21:37 Yet.

1:21:39 Caller Just breathe in and out like very...

1:21:41 Dr. Bruce OK, do you have out?...

1:21:42 Caller breathing like...

1:21:46 Dr. Bruce Just guess who's that?

1:21:47 Adam That was Anthony Kitas, everybody. Hot Chili Peppers.

1:21:50 Dr. Bruce Yeah, he didn't remember me.

1:21:51 Adam The past of Loveline. Alright, shouldn't he just go to ear, nose, and throat?

1:21:55 Dr. Bruce No, just go to your family practitioner. First, if he has allergies, he may have a deviated septum, and he may have... With that beautiful Wisconsin air there, maybe there's a little bit of too much pollen or too much contamination in his air filter and his home heating system. But, yeah, a family practitioner can look up your nose with the otoscope and the ear.

1:22:19 Adam You done?

1:22:20 Dr. Bruce Your scope. Yep.

1:22:21 Adam Alright, go to your doctor.

1:22:22 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:22:23 Adam Alright, I think we're going to do a little Ace Rockolla when we come back. Oh, yeah. Please. Yeah. Oh, yeah? Alright, we'll take one more call. So we don't have to expose you to too much Ace Rockolla when we come back. But I'll tell you, I'll be giving the weather report, and Ace will be giving a traffic report. We might even get a little surf report in. Absolutely. This will be very informative.

1:22:48 Dr. Bruce I have a dock rock hole.

1:22:49 Adam Let me go get my cowbell here. Alright, get ready, everybody. Tim? Yeah. You're 26. What's up?

1:22:57 Caller Hey, what's up, guys? You guys are out of control.

1:23:00 Adam Oh, great.

1:23:01 Dr. Bruce Well, at least one of us is out of control.

1:23:02 Caller OK, let me run this by you guys. The last four serious relationships that I've had, the girls, after I've broken up with them, have gotten married to the next guy.

1:23:16 Adam You're right. You broke up with them?

1:23:19 Caller I broke up with a couple of them. A couple of them broke up with me.

1:23:24 Caller And I just wanted to run that by you guys.

1:23:26 Caller Are they doing this out of spite? Or is it just my dumb luck? Because these were girls that I actually considered marrying at the time.

1:23:34 Adam Alright, but you broke up with half of them.

1:23:36 Dr. Bruce Yeah. Are you dysfunctional or what? I don't know. Were they really back and forth, emotionally?

1:23:49 Caller Actually, three out of four of them have been emotionally pretty effed up, I guess.

1:23:53 Adam What do you do for a living, Tim?

1:23:56 Caller I'm an electrician.

1:23:57 Adam Oh, yeah? Yeah. What kind of work do you do?

1:24:00 Caller Just outside, electrician.

1:24:02 Adam Do you do residential stuff?

1:24:05 Caller Residential and commercial.

1:24:06 Dr. Bruce Was there a lot of turmoil in your family of origin?

1:24:09 Caller Not really.

1:24:10 Dr. Bruce Parents still married?

1:24:12 Caller What's that?

1:24:13 Dr. Bruce Parents are still married? The stable relationship?

1:24:15 Caller No, actually, no.

1:24:16 Caller Both of them are divorced.

1:24:18 Dr. Bruce Alright, man.

1:24:18 Caller I guess I'm a product of a divorce.

1:24:19 Adam Alright, that's alright.

1:24:20 Dr. Bruce At what age? What age? How old do you think they got divorced?

1:24:25 Caller Um, young, like five or six.

1:24:27 Adam Alright, well, not the world's healthiest thing, but look, here's the deal. You're 26. You don't need to get married now anyway. Number two, a lot of women, as they get into their mid-twenties, are looking to get married. And so, you know, it's probably not a coincidence. I mean, it's not you that has caused them to get married. It's their next serious relationship that comes around. I mean, I don't know what the average marrying age is, but I would guess it's mid-twenties. And if he's dating women in their mid-twenties, then...

1:24:57 Dr. Bruce I'm not paying any attention to the fact that they've gotten married after they date them. In fact, he's been in four tumultuous, sounds like pretty, like he said, effed up relationships that were tumultuous. Four in a row, he's got a divorce at age five, which tends to screw people up later on if they don't get some insight into it. And, you know, we haven't asked him about any other substance abuse issues. But when people call here, they've got an inkling something's wrong generally. It's not that they're, you know, ax-murderers, but they have issues from their family. Divorce does tend to set in motion some unhealthy behaviors. And that's probably what he needs to do, is see somebody and sort through it.

1:25:31 Adam Yeah, yeah. I just saw Boob's question here.

1:25:35 Dr. Bruce Oh, my God. If that puts off Ace Rockolla for 30 more seconds.

1:25:39 Adam Bouncy, bouncy.

1:25:40 Dr. Bruce General warts, come on.

1:25:41 Adam No.

1:25:42 Dr. Bruce Look, you may save a life.

1:25:44 Adam Listen, Vanessa?

1:25:45 Caller Yeah?

1:25:46 Adam You're twenty three.

1:25:47 Caller Yeah.

1:25:48 Adam You you were an A cup.

1:25:50 Caller Yeah.

1:25:50 Adam And now you got the implants to a D cup.

1:25:53 Caller Yeah.

1:25:54 Adam And why did you go D? Shouldn't you have gone C?

1:25:57 Caller No, no, no.

1:25:59 Adam It isn't going from an A cup to a D cup. A little, little too big a jump.

1:26:04 Caller Well, yeah, I just want to be sexy.

1:26:07 Adam Oh, yeah. What do you do for a living?

1:26:10 Caller I work at a daycare.

1:26:11 Adam You work at daycare, work with kids?

1:26:13 Caller Yeah.

1:26:13 Adam Fantastic. Fantastic. And you needed a D cup to work around the pre-predescent toddlers.

1:26:23 Dr. Bruce Any family of origin, abuse issues, any kind of problems in your distant past?

1:26:29 Caller No. No.

1:26:30 Dr. Bruce Little girl voice.

1:26:31 Adam I don't get it. Never sexually abused? Were you sexually abused?

1:26:37 Caller No.

1:26:37 Adam Never molested?

1:26:38 Caller No.

1:26:38 Adam When did you lose your virginity?

1:26:41 Caller I was 18 and a half, actually.

1:26:42 Adam All right. That's an old maid.

1:26:43 Caller The only thing that bothered me is that my sister was always bigger than me and she was younger.

1:26:47 Adam She had a bigger chest?

1:26:48 Caller Yeah.

1:26:49 Adam Listen, I can understand this. If I was walking around with a smaller penis and someone gave me a choice of, oh, look, you want eight or do you want the black rhino? I'd step it up. But as long as we're doing it, let's go. Let's do it right. Wouldn't you? I mean, I would do it.

1:27:06 Dr. Bruce How would you know? You don't go around comparing it.

1:27:09 Adam I would. I would know.

1:27:10 Dr. Bruce I would do it from all the pornos you're seeing.

1:27:11 Adam I'm just saying I would do it. I don't blame you for going with D. But now you got stretch marks, right?

1:27:16 Caller Yeah. And that's not like I kind of regret going D because it's like a little too big.

1:27:20 Adam OK. So what can she do for these stretch marks?

1:27:22 Caller That's what I want.

1:27:23 Adam It's pretty much just laser, right? There's no cream or anything.

1:27:26 Dr. Bruce No, they generally don't work. Laser doesn't work for everybody, but it seems to be.

1:27:31 Adam So what? Consult the plastic surgeon.

1:27:33 Dr. Bruce You could see a plastic surgeon or somebody that does laser medicine. Plastic surgeon would be great.

1:27:38 Adam Creams aren't going to do it. Although I've said this a thousand times, ladies. You never listen to me. Stretch mark? Not a big deal.

1:27:46 Dr. Bruce No, but you know what? Don't even go down that road. Because as a dude, not a big deal. But you have to ask the woman, how do you feel about it?

1:27:54 Adam And that they will listen.

1:27:55 Dr. Bruce Even if they're miniscule, they're almost impossible.

1:27:58 Adam Women worry about what guys think. Everything they do is based on what guys think.

1:28:04 Dr. Bruce It's based on their body image.

1:28:07 Adam Which is based on what we think is good looking.

1:28:09 Dr. Bruce I got news for you.

1:28:10 Adam What we think is good looking is what decides their body image.

1:28:14 Dr. Bruce What Cosmo says is good looking. And that's the problem today is too many women are influenced by what they perceive to be required. To be ultra skinny.

1:28:25 Adam Listen, women would gladly do away with what they thought of themselves if they thought this is what guys are into.

1:28:30 Dr. Bruce Women would gladly do away with what they... They should really think a lot longer before they have augmentation surgery or plastic surgery. And the concern is that they feel like they're not adequate and they need larger breasts. They're not adequate and they need to have larger breasts.

1:28:46 Adam Don't worry about the stretch marks, lady. Right. Hey, listen, if you got a bunch of stuff, you know, because you gave birth to a 16 pound kid and you had triplets, you had big litter of kids, you got a bunch of weird stuff around your bellies hanging over over your bikini bottoms. That's one thing. But if you got a little on the ass or the thigh or a little around the breast, no problem there. I got no problem with that. That's fine.

1:29:06 Dr. Bruce But also you have to wait months, a year after pregnancy. And a lot of those things go.

1:29:11 Adam Bruce, we got to start preparing for the big lightning round here.

1:29:15 Dr. Bruce What do you suggest I do? Maybe go out in the car and play my radio and listen to it.

1:29:18 Adam Go take a leak or something. I'll let you work the cowbell.

1:29:21 Dr. Bruce Oh, really? Can I wear it?

1:29:23 Adam Yeah, put it around your neck so we know where not to find you. We'll be back.

1:29:27 Caller You know what I'm saying, I'm dead?

1:29:29 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Love Line.

1:29:36 Caller Love Line on 947-NRK. Love Line with Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla. 947-NRK.

1:30:18 Caller Let's check the time real fast.

1:30:20 Adam 11 51 and 30 seconds.

1:30:22 Caller That's eight minutes and 30 seconds away from the top of the hour.

1:30:25 Caller You smack them in the middle of the line around five times.

1:30:27 Adam That's the radio. All right, for me to move on, let's check the time and weather real fast. La Harva coming in 41, La Puente, 40, North Hollywood 39, Pomona 37, La Cajonah, Fluton Ridge area coming in 35, Encino 44, New Hall, Saugus 51, Hawaiian Garden 42 degrees, Panoramas, Van Nuys 41, Pasadena 39, and Southgate 46 degrees. Let's check the time real fast. Time 11, no, 11 52 exactly 8 minutes away from the top of the hour.

1:30:59 Caller Let's check the weather.

1:31:01 Adam No, the traffic coming in.

1:31:02 Caller Slow and go on the 101.

1:31:04 Adam Look out for brake lights on the 110. Debris on the 4 level. Look out for that jackass. Dropped a mattress out there. Another mattress out. A box spring on the number 3 line of the 405. And jackknife big rig on the 118.

1:31:17 Dr. Bruce General warts on line 6.

1:31:19 Adam And look at this. Just look out for a pickup truck in the number 4 lane on the 10. Dr. Bruce in there getting covered with hepatitis.

1:31:26 Caller And let's have a lab exam.

1:31:28 Adam The guy checking a real fast phone at the time the callers are the show.

1:31:35 Caller Chris.

1:31:36 Adam Yeah. Chris, I'm saying, you're back there like it's Rockolla. What's going on? What's that? The hardware checking in 41.

1:31:45 Caller You have some? Mm hmm. Yeah.

1:31:48 I got a little situation.

1:31:51 Adam Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Hey, buddy. Hey, Chris. Hang on. Let's say first off, the callers are the show. These guys are the show. You guys have shows. Not my show. It's your show. You understand? Okay. It's not your show. No, it's my show. No, it's not your show. Let's check the time real fast. 1153 in 15 seconds. That is six minutes and 45 seconds away from the top of the hour straight up. You smack the head in the middle of the fast. I mean, it's like always good old times. La Harbour, checking in at 40 degrees North Hollywood 39. Yeah, Chris, what's up there, buddy?

1:32:23 Caller Okay, so...

1:32:24 Adam Slow and go on the 101, by the way.

1:32:26 Dr. Bruce Chris has two chicks at once.

1:32:27 Adam Yeah, look out for break lights on the 110. What's that there, Chris? I'm 16. 16 years old. I'll tell you what. Speaking of 16, let's check the time. 11 53 and 45 seconds, everybody. Six minutes and 15 seconds away from the top of the hour show. Dr. Drew is there. Felling over time. Chris, 16 years old. I just found two chicks. Two chicks. You want someone to add? Two chicks.

1:32:52 Yeah, I'm juggling two chicks. I live in Ventura.

1:32:56 Caller Twinkie Hole, baby.

1:32:57 Caller Wow!

1:32:58 Adam Let me tell you something. I had a threesome when I was 16.

1:33:01 Caller No, no, no. It's not a threesome, dude.

1:33:02 Adam No, but let me tell you. Let me tell you. Let me tell you. It was Ace Rockolla. I had a threesome. I beat awful two of my friends' watch. All right. Now, seriously, Chris, shows. It's your show. The show's about you.

1:33:17 Caller Okay. All right.

1:33:18 Adam Your listeners are the show. The people that call in. That's the show. That's the show. It's not me. It's not...

1:33:24 Dr. Bruce What's your question for Ace Rockolla? There's a short attention span.

1:33:27 Adam New Hall Socks coming in 51, Hawaiian Cards 42, Panoramic City 46, Pananis checking in 41, Pasadena City 39.

1:33:34 Caller I got a chick in town and I also got a chick like out in Chatsworth.

1:33:38 Caller Yeah, the two chicks.

1:33:41 Adam Chatsworth coming in at 41 degrees, by the way.

1:33:43 Dr. Bruce Do you have a traffic or weather question for us?

1:33:46 Caller Neither.

1:33:48 Dr. Bruce Two chicks at once.

1:33:49 Adam Yeah, look out for brake lights on the way.

1:33:50 Caller It'll be right there. So the chick in town is like...

1:33:52 Adam Oh, OK. All right. Well, that about does it. And I want to thank you all for calling in because I have to tell you something about this show. This show is not about me. It's about you.

1:34:01 Caller You are the show. The callers are the show.

1:34:04 Adam That's right. You understand? You're the most interesting guest we ever had on this show. You're the caller. And we thank you for calling in. And without you, the show would not have been set up. I'll check the time to check the weather. I'll check the server. I'll check the traffic. And we'll have a phishing report too when we come back.

1:34:18 Caller All right, guys.

1:34:19 Adam Bottom line.

1:34:20 Caller Here's the deal.

1:34:21 Caller Looking to hook up. Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

1:34:24 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:34:25 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:34:26 Caller The Dateline. 877-889-DATE. Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:34:41 Caller Loveline on 94.7 NRK is brought to you by Car Toys.

1:35:04 Adam All right. Well, there you go. Another fabulous Loveline show, Safely in the Can.

1:35:10 Dr. Bruce Yeah, I risk brain damage, two hours of Corolla.

1:35:14 Adam Oh, you wouldn't trade it for the world. I want to thank Dr. Bruce for coming in here and doing a fine job filling in for Dr. Drew. And we don't need that Drew back. I hope he gets detained in Cuba.

1:35:29 Dr. Bruce Unacceptable. Unacceptable.

1:35:31 Adam All right, tomorrow night, we're going to have a gynecologist in here and I got a thousand million questions for him.

1:35:36 Dr. Bruce Unacceptable.

1:35:36 Adam Yeah. So again, thanks to Dr. Bruce for doing a great job.

1:35:41 Dr. Bruce Quite welcome.

1:35:42 Adam Don't talk anymore. You did a great job. Let's not spoil it. You know what I'm saying?

1:35:46 Dr. Bruce You could screw up.

1:35:48 Adam So until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Bruce. Say mahalo. Listen, if I was stripping at 17, I'd still be stripping.

1:35:56 Dr. Bruce You would have been at the circus stripping.

1:35:59 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, January 2, 2002