Episode 1000754886738

1:13 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, and tonight we're honored to have the great Jimmy Kimmel in the studio.

1:28 Best Of CLL #1510 What's up with the guy selling knives and all?

1:30 Adam That's Pan Pan, Pan Pan.

1:33 Best Of CLL #1510 His name is what?

1:34 Drew He called a couple of times ago.

1:35 Adam Pan Pan.

1:35 Drew He actually got through on the show. Tell him the story.

1:39 Adam Okay, here's what happened. I didn't tell you this, Jimmy. Jimmy and I have had a very busy last couple of weeks because we've been wrapping up the man show and on Saturday, last Saturday, I was driving my car about, it was about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and the cell phone rang and it was a gentleman by the name of Pan Pan, which doesn't translate over the cell phone, by the way.

2:03 Drew You thought it was Kirby or something?

2:04 Adam I thought his name was like Doug. But anyway, Pan Pan, he explains that he got my cell phone, cell phone number from Drew's wife and that he liked to sell me some knives. And he wanted to know what I was doing this weekend. And it was 3 or 4 o'clock on Saturday. Wanted to know what I was doing this weekend. And I said, well, you know, actually, and it was the only time I've ever been glad to work on Sunday. I said, you know, we have to shoot something on Sunday, which we did. So today's shot and I got to shoot something on Sunday. He said, what time? I said, pretty much all day. I can meet you early, say about 730.

2:49 Sunday morning.

2:49 Adam Sunday morning?

2:50 Oh, no. To sell you those, oh, I can't curse.

2:55 Best Of CLL #1510 Those wonderful knives.

2:58 Adam You thought we're going to get together Sunday morning at 730. So my reply to that was, are you high? He said, no, I think he took me seriously. But they went on to explain that he was a coach for your daughter in volleyball. Is he really?

3:15 Drew Yes, he is. He went to my high school.

3:17 Best Of CLL #1510 Really?

3:17 He goes to Georgetown.

3:18 Drew This is his summer job.

3:19 Best Of CLL #1510 Really? This is the dumbest Asian person I've ever met.

3:22 He goes to Georgetown.

3:23 Best Of CLL #1510 What? I don't care where he goes. He's not that smart. He's selling crappy knives. He's trying to convince me.

3:28 Drew You're buying them, A-hole.

3:29 Best Of CLL #1510 When I used to sell... I'm not buying anything from this guy. Oh, he's buying it out of guilt. When I used to sell candy bars for little league and that kind of thing, if people like... I'd leave instantly if people didn't seem interested. Be like, you want to buy some chocolate bars? Well, no. That's okay. You don't have to buy. You're an appropriate person. But I've told him to kill himself with the knives. I mean, I've gone through a number of things that he should do.

3:53 Drew Well, wait. People don't understand. He's here tonight.

3:55 He's here tonight with the knives.

3:56 Best Of CLL #1510 So I probably shouldn't be making fun of him. But yet still, he keeps selling me on how much better they are than my very expensive knives that I have at home. They're only in the last three to five years.

4:06 Drew That's what you call a certiveness training.

4:08 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah. He's a good salesman, I guess.

4:10 Adam You know the salesman angle I like? And this is not only knives. This is cars. This is everything where they ask you the question that they know the answer to. So you got the expensive German knives. Do you sharpen them every day?

4:23 Yeah. He didn't ask me that.

4:26 Adam Yeah.

4:27 Of course I sharpen them every day.

4:28 Adam Well, I don't oil and sharpen them every day, but I do run them through the sharpener. Just a sharpening stone. Sometimes I use the cutting oil. Yeah.

4:36 Best Of CLL #1510 The hard sell, though, doesn't work so good when you're an Asian guy. If this is a black guy, I'd have a whole trunk full of knives right now. I had these black guys come to my house and selling magazines, three of them. Give me everything you got. I'll take it. I'll take it.

4:50 Adam I do that too because I feel bad for what we did. And then they got Pearl Harbor. What do we feel bad about?

4:55 Drew Then this guy comes in.

4:57 Best Of CLL #1510 These guys ask me if I have any beer.

4:58 Adam I know they're involved somehow.

5:01 Best Of CLL #1510 They asked me, these guys that sold in a magazine, if I had any beer and it wound up, they came in my house and we started having beers in my house, me and three young black guys.

5:10 And my wife comes home and she's like, what is going on in here?

5:15 Best Of CLL #1510 She asks, that's what this guy needs.

5:17 Drew Oh no.

5:18 Adam I know, I bought three magazine subscriptions from this black woman who came to my door. I've not seen one of them that was about five years ago and I bought like four years worth on all three of them.

5:28 Best Of CLL #1510 I did the same thing. I got one of the seven magazines that I ordered and it comes about three weeks after it hits the newsstands.

5:34 Drew What is it with the two of you that we've been in the air for four and a half minutes and you've insulted every major ethnic group?

5:42 Adam We're not insulting to the blacks. We're saying we feel bad so we'll buy anything from them.

5:47 Best Of CLL #1510 Yes, I will give a little extra consideration.

5:50 Adam The Asians, however, the Chinese guy is bound for Georgetown, I don't feel bad for him. But I'll buy a knife often because he came out here. And he makes a good sell.

6:02 I can't buy a knife to kill your wife for giving the cell phone number out.

6:05 Adam Can you believe she gave my cell phone number out?

6:10 That's excellent.

6:12 Adam But she was just trying to get rid of it, right? I mean, that's a desperate move.

6:15 Best Of CLL #1510 You know who needs knives? Adam. He's got two homes.

6:19 Adam He needs a set for the car.

6:20 Drew Well, when this all came up, he went on a 15-minute diet drive about the knives he gets at restaurants.

6:25 Adam Yeah.

6:25 Best Of CLL #1510 Well, Adam does a lot of cooking.

6:27 I was too.

6:29 Adam I don't like it when you go to a steak place and they give you a butter knife that's serrated on one side to cut the steak.

6:35 Best Of CLL #1510 I know you don't like that.

6:35 Adam I don't like that.

6:36 Drew He wants that in his car as luggage and he needs knives.

6:38 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah.

6:39 Adam Right. I like to travel with knives.

6:41 Drew I can see it at the airport now.

6:41 Adam It's great.

6:42 Best Of CLL #1510 Why don't you travel with Pan Pan? He'll have whatever kind of knife you need.

6:45 Adam I would like to talk to Pan Pan about dropping this knife selling business for the summer and just being my personal valet. And I would love to, because the guy's name is Pan Pan, I'd love to say, I'll get Pan Pan right on it. You'll have to speak to Pan Pan. He's honest as the day is long. He gets up early. He gets up early. He's bold as hell. He's not scared to call a B slash C celebrity on a cell phone called. All right. And Jimmy did take some interest in the cleaver that Pan Pan was showing over there.

7:19 Drew Oh, no kidding.

7:19 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah, but it weighs like nine pounds or something.

7:22 Drew Well, that's, you know, you don't just drop it on whatever you're leaving.

7:25 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah.

7:25 Drew All right.

7:26 Adam So Pan Pan may make a sale yet. Jimmy was cutting some rope.

7:31 Best Of CLL #1510 We'll see. We'll negotiate with Pan Pan.

7:32 Adam Why is it when they demonstrate knives that cut anything but food? They got an engine block. They got an aluminum can. They got rope. Anything but a food product.

7:41 Best Of CLL #1510 Chopped into rope. Yeah. I like if he made me something to eat, I might have bought something. He's like, and look at this. You could use a sandwich. Watch. Let me cut through this beer can.

7:48 Adam Right. Yeah.

7:49 Best Of CLL #1510 Make me a sandwich. Maybe I'll buy the thing.

7:51 Drew Give me some ideas.

7:52 Adam All right. Pan Pan, go out and get some luncheon meats. You might have a sale. All right.

7:57 Best Of CLL #1510 We'll go.

7:58 Adam All right. So Jimmy, what are you here plugging? What are you talking about?

8:01 Best Of CLL #1510 I don't know if you've seen a program called them. Drew, have you seen this? I know you're on the Internet chatting a lot, but it's called The Man Show. It's on television. The Man Show.

8:10 Adam That show. It says Governor Jesse Ventura.

8:13 Best Of CLL #1510 It's just a governor saying that.

8:14 Drew Well, if it weren't for him, that drop, I never would have heard it mentioned.

8:19 Adam Yeah.

8:20 Drew Except every five minutes.

8:22 Adam It is hysterical.

8:23 Best Of CLL #1510 Dr. Drew has made some very comical appearance on the show this season.

8:27 Drew Oh yeah. Thank you.

8:27 Best Of CLL #1510 They have not been aired yet, but they're very good. You did very good work.

8:30 Drew Thank you. God bless you.

8:31 Best Of CLL #1510 You could dump this whole thing. You and Pan Pan hit the road. Song and dance.

8:35 Adam They throw knives at you. You could throw scalpels at him.

8:38 Drew I'm thinking about a new 12-step organization. Adam's going to be my fashion after him.

8:44 Adam Thank you. So again, you're talking about what show, Jimmy?

8:47 Best Of CLL #1510 The Man Show. The Man Show, which is a program for men, hence the title, The Man Show. And the host of the show, I'm one of the hosts of the show. And then Adam Corolla, a very funny gentleman, I don't know if you're familiar with him.

8:59 Adam Super talented.

9:00 Best Of CLL #1510 He's also on the show.

9:01 Drew Did you guys see, by the way, I'm going to take you off topic here. Talking about you guys and your improbabilities, my favorite part of the show is where you guys answer questions from the audience and stuff. Did you see You Don't Know Jack?

9:13 Adam Haven't seen it yet.

9:13 Best Of CLL #1510 They asked me to host that show, actually.

9:15 Drew Both of you.

9:16 Best Of CLL #1510 I wisely said no.

9:17 Drew No, I think both of you were doing great on that.

9:19 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah, that's why I said, I said wisely, I said, no, I think it's doing really well. I said, who's going to watch that? Yeah, I guess.

9:26 Drew No, I thought it was great. I thought it was great. Oh, no, no, no. It's courageous.

9:31 Best Of CLL #1510 I haven't seen it, but I'm going to go with it. It sucks, too, because I don't want to feel like I made a mistake.

9:36 Adam Pan Pan gave it one cleaver down. I love that Pan Pan. I question him on that. Why can't they just call you Pan? Are there other guys in your family named Pan? Is there a Pan Senior, Pan Junior? Be like Pan Pan the Third?

9:51 Best Of CLL #1510 It seems like maybe he should sell pans.

9:54 Drew No, and he said it's a term of endearment. It's like Ling Ling. The real name is Ling.

9:59 Best Of CLL #1510 Right.

9:59 Drew You say it twice, it's like...

10:01 Adam I really do think this. I'd like someone to get on the internet and figure this out. I swear to Christ, Pan Pan was the name of the panda bear that was on the Brady Bunch cartoon series. Where do they have those crazy panda bears?

10:13 Best Of CLL #1510 No, I don't even remember.

10:14 Adam The Brady Bunch had a cartoon series and there were a couple of panda bears and a magpie that could fly around using a sorcerer magpie. Was everyone high back then?

10:27 Best Of CLL #1510 Did your wife buy knives from him?

10:29 Oh yeah, she did.

10:30 Best Of CLL #1510 How many?

10:30 Drew I asked him.

10:32 Best Of CLL #1510 Pan Pan, how many? Hold up whatever fingers you have left.

10:36 Drew What, should I have two knives? Three knives?

10:39 Oh, oh my god.

10:41 Drew Oh my god.

10:43 Best Of CLL #1510 You better get another show, Drew.

10:44 Adam All right. Anyway, ten o'clock, Comedy Central Sunday nights. Rachel?

10:51 Yeah.

10:51 Adam You're 22?

10:52 Caller Yes.

10:53 Adam What's up?

10:54 Caller My situation is I was having intercourse with my boyfriend, doggy style, and he stuck his finger up my bottom. And ever, ever. Well, it's just you make me feel kind of weird.

11:08 Drew And what do you mean by that?

11:11 Best Of CLL #1510 Um, is it still in there?

11:14 Drew You mean you have a persistent, weird physical feeling or weird emotional feeling?

11:18 Caller Emotional.

11:19 Drew You didn't like that he did that?

11:21 Caller I didn't know. I think I just didn't know how to feel. So it kind of worried me and I needed to know like.

11:30 Best Of CLL #1510 You liked it, but you don't think you should like it?

11:33 Caller Well, I think it made me feel awkward more than the fact that whether I liked it or not.

11:41 Drew How long has this guy been your boyfriend?

11:43 Caller Um, about, almost about a year.

11:46 Drew Have you had other sexual partners?

11:48 Caller Yeah.

11:48 Drew And anything, any problem with any of those?

11:52 Caller No.

11:52 Drew And this relationship's been going real well?

11:54 Caller Yeah.

11:55 Drew Has he asked you to do anything else that you haven't liked?

11:58 Adam He didn't ask.

11:59 Drew I understand, but what does any sort of pro, you know, other...

12:02 Adam You don't ask, by the way.

12:03 Drew For that one.

12:04 Adam No.

12:04 Best Of CLL #1510 That's not such a big deal, is it?

12:06 Adam No.

12:06 Drew No. But I'm trying to figure out what's bothering her so much. She feels violated. She feels like, oh my God, what's...

12:10 Best Of CLL #1510 Do you feel violated? Or does it leave you wanting more? No, I guess I...

12:16 Drew Jimmy, you've been on that man show set way too long.

12:19 Best Of CLL #1510 Maybe she's worried he's going to take the next step. And I was like, oh, that's how guys are. Let me try this out, see how she responds, and then go to...

12:27 Drew Yeah, if you don't tell him that you don't like it, he may try the next step.

12:31 Adam Right. Big toe.

12:33 Caller Yeah, I think he kind of wanted to, but I just kind of said, hmm, that felt weird. All right.

12:39 Adam Any stuff?

12:40 Drew Why can't you be more honest? Hey, I really didn't like that. I've got to talk.

12:44 Adam But she's not saying that. She's just saying...

12:46 Caller I think I just didn't have time to process it, you know? And then later on, I just felt embarrassed bringing it back up, so I didn't bring it back up. But I left with him knowing, like, I thought it felt weird. And he was like, well, but did it feel good? And I'm like, I guess. I don't know.

13:06 Drew this is the same thing Adam and Jimmy are doing. They keep going to, well, then it must feel good. You just didn't. You're just ashamed of the fact that it felt good. I'm saying he didn't like it. You're embarrassed, you're violated, you're surprised, and you don't know how to express all these feelings to him. I suspect you're even angry.

13:20 Best Of CLL #1510 Maybe delighted.

13:22 Adam How long? I agree with both of you. How long does it take to process a thumb in your ass, by the way?

13:27 Best Of CLL #1510 Was it the thumb?

13:28 Adam Was it a three-day period? How long does that take?

13:32 Best Of CLL #1510 Which finger was it? Do you know?

13:33 Caller I think it was the middle finger.

13:35 Best Of CLL #1510 You're going to have to have a talk with the finger. That's all.

13:38 Drew Why can't you begin telling him how you're feeling and see where it goes?

13:42 Caller Okay.

13:42 Drew Because it doesn't sound like you felt great about it.

13:45 Caller No, I didn't.

13:47 Drew It sounds like you felt awful about it. And it's caused all sorts of ambivalent feelings about him. And you better just see what those are. And I suspect until you start telling them what they are, you're not going to figure it out for yourself.

13:57 Adam And here's the answer. If you tell them it's no big deal, but if you stew about it and start screaming at them about other stuff and cutting them off, sexually and everything, then it turns into a big deal. So just go tell them.

14:09 Caller Yeah.

14:10 Adam All right?

14:10 Caller Okay. So I guess my question was, I mean, is that atypical or is that-

14:15 Drew It's adventuresome, but it doesn't mean anything.

14:18 Caller Okay.

14:18 Drew All right?

14:19 Caller Okay. Thanks.

14:20 Best Of CLL #1510 It's not that adventuresome, though.

14:21 Drew Well, Jimmy, what would be adventuresome?

14:23 Best Of CLL #1510 Oh, I guess like a safari. Yep, your ass would be adventuresome.

14:26 Caller But yeah.

14:27 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah. Camel.

14:28 Caller That's not that big a deal.

14:29 Best Of CLL #1510 A little finger in the ass?

14:31 Drew In yours?

14:31 Best Of CLL #1510 And then.

14:34 Caller Do it in here for a second.

14:37 Adam You ever put any rope up there, Pan Pan?

14:42 Caller Oh, wow.

14:42 Best Of CLL #1510 He just did give us a finger, not in the ass.

14:46 Adam Eric, he really knows how to make a sale. Eric, you're 29. What's up?

14:50 Caller Hey.

14:51 Adam Hey.

14:51 Caller Hey guys.

14:52 Adam Hey.

14:52 Caller Show on radio.

14:53 Thank you.

14:54 Caller The first thing, Dr. Drew, I'm a nurse, so I just want to say I hope you write nice and legibly.

14:59 Drew Yeah, I wish I did.

15:01 Hold on.

15:01 Adam Hey, Eric.

15:02 Caller Yeah.

15:02 Adam You know how male meter maids like to be called traffic enforcement personnel?

15:09 Caller Okay.

15:09 Adam Don't you nurses, don't you male nurses have some sort of euphemism for your job to homosexuals?

15:15 Caller I've been saying that since I've been a nurse because nurse is an outdated term. When I tell people that I'm a nurse, they think of what a nurse was 100 years ago.

15:22 Drew No, now they call them patient advocates.

15:24 Adam Really?

15:25 Drew Yeah.

15:25 Caller Well, I haven't heard that.

15:26 Drew Yeah, patient or patient.

15:27 Best Of CLL #1510 I got the word advocate in there. That's a step in our right direction.

15:30 Drew Patient care specialist. Patient care specialist.

15:32 Adam Your biggest magazine.

15:34 Caller I like that, patient care specialist. I've been trying to think of a new term for the set of nurse.

15:39 Best Of CLL #1510 You just go with the traditional gay.

15:42 Caller I fight that stereotype constantly.

15:44 Adam Really? Turn it into some sort of initials that people can't decipher, and it always makes you seem smarter than they are.

15:51 Drew You know, patient care specialist, you probably get more empowerment out of that too, because it suggests that you have specialty services within a hospital system, which is true.

16:00 Caller That sounds good.

16:00 Best Of CLL #1510 What about assistant doctor or vice doctor or something like that?

16:04 Drew They've got that, the physician assistants.

16:05 Caller Physicians assistants are already out there. All right.

16:07 Adam Well, what's your question there?

16:08 Caller Okay. Well, first of all, Adam, I know that you hate computers, but are you aware of the endless vault of internet porn that you're missing?

16:15 Adam Yeah. I'm told they try to lure me over to the dark side of computers on an almost weekly basis by promising me more porn, but I won't go for it.

16:24 Drew It's also, you got to remember, for Adam, everything is a question of what's the path to least resistance, and so much porn lands on his, what, in your desk, in your house.

16:33 Best Of CLL #1510 In his pants.

16:34 Drew Oh my God. I go to the man show.

16:36 Best Of CLL #1510 Oh yeah. It's like you could really, you could build a shed out of the empty porn boxes.

16:40 Adam Yeah.

16:40 Drew It's bizarre.

16:41 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah.

16:42 Adam Yeah.

16:42 Drew What is that?

16:43 Caller Well, okay. So speaking of the man show, here's the thing. Now, this is going to sound like a joke, but it is not. Now, Adam, I think you'll like this because I remember you saying you used to work at McDonald's. If you remember a couple years ago, that old woman that spilled coffee on herself got burned and got $3 million for that.

16:57 Drew It was like five, six years ago, right?

16:59 Caller It was about six years ago. That's correct. Well, I'm the guy that made that cup of coffee. Wow. No joke.

17:04 Drew Who was the woman?

17:06 Best Of CLL #1510 Estelle Getty.

17:06 Caller I don't recall her name.

17:07 Drew But, I mean, what was she like? What kind of person was she?

17:11 Caller She was old. She was like 90. She was the passenger. She put this coffee between her legs and spilled it on herself and didn't just sat in it, did not get out of the car. That's why she got burned so bad.

17:20 Adam What do you need a vagina for at 90 anyway to hold the coffee? Did you have to just become a cup holder? Is that what happens to the vagina after let's say 75?

17:32 Best Of CLL #1510 They really should close it down.

17:33 Drew Did you have to get paramedics there and all kind of stuff?

17:36 Caller No. Here's the story. What it is, I know that on the Man Show, you guys have said that you can send in a tape and you might air it. So this is something you'll be interested in.

17:45 Best Of CLL #1510 Oh, you have a tape of this happening?

17:47 Caller Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't.

17:49 Best Of CLL #1510 You're going to do it to some old lady?

17:51 Caller No, no, I don't.

17:52 Caller No, I could make a tape.

17:54 Adam A tape that you reenactment of you narrating?

17:57 Caller Yeah, sort of like that. Here's the story. This woman, she comes through at like nine o'clock at night and she ordered coffee. Now you know, Adam, we have to keep fresh products. What, nine o'clock at night? We don't keep fresh coffee.

18:08 Adam But Eric, hold on a second. I'm more interested in the tape you're going to make.

18:12 Caller Yeah, really?

18:13 Adam How are you going to make this tape of an event that happened six years ago?

18:17 Caller Well, kind of what happened.

18:21 Best Of CLL #1510 I'd rather see some pictures of you in the white shoes. Yeah, that would be more entertaining. Do you have to wear white shoes?

18:30 Caller Yeah.

18:31 Drew All right, so what happened? So you made new coffee.

18:35 So I had the headphones on.

18:36 Caller I hear her order coffee, so I run over and start brewing it fresh right away. That's why it was so hot, because it was freshly brewed. So she gets up to the window. I hand it to her. She puts it in her lap, subsequently spills it on herself, gets upset, wants to talk to the manager. So the manager, who is kind of a sarcastic woman, goes in, talks to her for a few minutes, and then they take off, and the manager comes out of the drive-thru window and says, that old bag's just upset because she can't get anything else hot between her legs. Oh my God.

19:02 Best Of CLL #1510 All right, now you should make a tape of this.

19:04 Caller Yeah, yeah, so that is a true story. That was actually what happened.

19:08 Adam All right, well, let's start with an audio cassette. We'll run that on the show.

19:14 Best Of CLL #1510 See how the viewers like it.

19:15 Adam We'll use-

19:16 Caller I've got a great poster for you, too.

19:17 Adam Oh, my God. Wait a minute, now I've got to hear his poster.

19:20 Caller I can't help it.

19:21 Adam What poster? Very fast.

19:23 Caller Okay, well, he took a picture of me standing outside of this McDonald's, holding a steaming cup of coffee, the big smirk on my face, and says, if you want cold coffee, go to Danny's.

19:31 Adam All right. That's great.

19:32 Caller So he's been waiting for years.

19:33 Adam All right. That's why he got in the fast-paced, lucrative world of nursing.

19:41 Best Of CLL #1510 This is why we get paid a lot, because we hear ideas like this all the time. It's not for our skill. It's because of the abuse that we have to constantly endure. Right.

19:53 Adam And I just had this thought about, if I was a male nurse, I'd be wearing some sweat bands and maybe some blackout under my eyes or something. I would really butch it up. I'd try to take, they wear those white polyester slacks with the flared bottoms and those horrible white sort of unisex shoes and stuff, earth shoes. They always have too much soul. What's up with the nurse? Where are they going? You know what I mean? Okay, they walk around a hospital, but construction guys walk around all day in boots. Why do they have to be so goddamn comfortable all the time?

20:28 Best Of CLL #1510 You can't go too much though, because then it looks bad. You look like one of the village people. What you're going to do is like shave your favorite team's name into your head or walk around.

20:36 Drew A big G with the Green Bay thing.

20:38 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah, that would be good. Or with a big foam finger for some team.

20:42 Adam Something with those beer hats. Yeah, something. And I have to butch up my uniform just a little bit. Hey, Jason?

20:52 Yeah.

20:52 Adam You're 18?

20:53 Caller Yeah.

20:54 Adam What's up?

20:55 Caller Well, first of all, I like to say that I love your show, Adam and Drew. You guys are great.

21:01 Adam And The Man Show.

21:02 Caller Yes, and The Man Show. Jimmy, you're great too. Thank you.

21:05 Adam Do you know the names of those cartoon pandas from the Brady Bunch cartoon?

21:10 Caller Yeah, I heard you say that someone should get on the Internet, and I did as you told me.

21:15 Adam Yeah.

21:16 Caller And I found out that their names were Ping and Pong.

21:19 Adam Ping and Pong.

21:19 Caller That's right.

21:20 Adam Pretty close to Pan Pan.

21:22 Caller Yeah, pretty close.

21:23 Caller Let's change his name to Ping Pong.

21:24 All right, Ping Pong.

21:26 Caller Yeah, no problem.

21:28 Adam And what about that magpie that flew around by its feather, tail feather spinning around like a helicopter blade?

21:35 Caller It's name was Foosball.

21:36 We'll put you on hold. We'll put you on hold.

21:37 Adam Look that up, all right?

21:39 Caller Marlon.

21:39 Adam Oh, Marlon. That's right. Oh, he was like Marlon, the magician.

21:43 Caller Marlon, yeah, it's M-A-R-L-O-N.

21:46 Adam Thank you.

21:47 Caller And it looks like he was the guy named Larry Storch.

21:51 Best Of CLL #1510 Sure, yeah.

21:52 Drew Larry Storch is a bewitched. F-Troop.

21:54 Best Of CLL #1510 F-Troop, yeah.

21:56 Caller He got the main billings for that cartoon because he had the...

22:00 Adam Sure, he was...

22:01 Caller He did those three voices.

22:02 Adam He did Marcia. All right. All right, Jason, thanks. Have fun not dating this weekend, okay?

22:09 Drew Hey, Jimmy, now with you as a guest, we have burned through two calls that segment, so I want to thank you. The two of you are just really great radio.

22:16 Adam Oh, please.

22:16 Best Of CLL #1510 You're not helping people.

22:17 Adam Who are we kidding here? All right. I'm going to...

22:20 Best Of CLL #1510 I put a finger in my ass.

22:22 Adam I'm going to...

22:23 Best Of CLL #1510 Call the police.

22:24 Adam Ping-Pong, I want you to make me up like... like what I would call like the vegan set. You know, a very light knife set. All right. We'll take a break and we'll be back. Hey, everybody, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Our guest is Jimmy Kimmel. He, of course, is the co-star of The Man Show. Funniest show on television, according to Governor Jesse Ventura. Sunday nights on Comedy Central, 10 o'clock. And one of the repeats, Jimmy, Wednesday...

23:06 Best Of CLL #1510 They've been running them, right?

23:07 Adam Thursday, Saturday?

23:09 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah, we should just promote the Sunday, though.

23:11 Adam All right, screw that. Sunday nights, 10 o'clock. And also...

23:16 Best Of CLL #1510 Ooh, we're also in Jane magazine, it looks like. And here's how you know that we're doing well. We're on the same page as Moon Unit Zappa.

23:23 Adam That's right. We've got to get a new publicist. I think Jimmy was telling them about the time he made me believe that the lead singer from the Dixie Chicks was in love with me.

23:37 Best Of CLL #1510 Stalking him.

23:38 Adam Yeah, more than love.

23:40 Drew That was one of the best practical jokes of all time.

23:42 Best Of CLL #1510 You would enjoy being that.

23:43 Drew Well, I want to see the video footage of that.

23:44 Best Of CLL #1510 If you guys all had lost it, it would be really brilliant.

23:47 Adam Yeah.

23:48 Caller Oh. I have a knack for losing things.

23:51 Best Of CLL #1510 I lost it immediately, though, to be fair to me. So it's almost like I didn't tape it.

23:55 Adam Yeah. You know, it was great. One day we'll tell that story again. It was a great story. The thing that was great is the big submarine sandwich.

24:04 Drew It's on the best of coming up next week. He's going to review that whole story.

24:08 Adam All right. Well, listen next week. And you know, is it, Anderson, is it with the Dixie Chicks? Are they in the studio or am I just telling the story?

24:20 Drew You're telling the story to some girl you're trying to oppress and it backfires.

24:23 Adam I see. Interesting. All right. I have no idea. Did we hear him over the air?

24:28 Drew He said that there's a guest, a female guest.

24:30 Adam Yes, I heard that. I don't know if everyone can hear Anderson. He likes to mix it up. Sometimes it seems like I'm just answering nobody and then other times I'm explaining what he said after everyone heard it. Fiona?

24:45 Caller Hello?

24:46 Adam You're 16?

24:47 Caller Hi, Adam and Drew. I love you guys. Adam, I have your name on my shoe.

24:52 That's right.

24:55 Adam That's how you know you've arrived. You're what?

24:58 Caller On my underwear too.

24:59 Adam Oh, that's great. So if you lose them in camp, they'll return them to me.

25:05 Caller Well, I've called before.

25:07 You might remember me.

25:09 Like I used to sleep with my parents.

25:12 Adam Yeah.

25:13 Drew Keep going. Yeah.

25:14 Caller Yeah.

25:14 Well, I'm really messed up.

25:17 Caller My question today is...

25:19 Drew What do you mean you're really messed up?

25:24 Caller I'm whacked out.

25:26 Best Of CLL #1510 Well, you got Adam's name on your shoes.

25:28 Drew But what else are you doing besides that?

25:29 Adam A lot of folks have that, Jimmy.

25:31 Caller I can't believe I'm talking to you, Adam.

25:33 I love you.

25:34 Caller Yeah.

25:34 Drew That's a strike against you, certainly.

25:36 Caller This is what happens when you sleep with your parents.

25:39 Caller I love you so much.

25:40 Caller You're so sexy, Adam.

25:42 Drew But what else have you been in psych?

25:44 Caller And unlike the other girl last night, I know your hobbies.

25:48 Adam Oh, you know my hobbies, right?

25:49 Caller Yeah.

25:50 Drew Have you been in psychiatric hospitals or something? What do you mean you're whacked out?

25:52 Caller No, but I'm on Paxil.

25:57 Adam How long did you sleep with your parents?

26:00 Caller Since I was a little girl.

26:02 Best Of CLL #1510 Until when?

26:04 Caller Until six, I don't know, until I was 15.

26:08 Caller Why?

26:09 I don't know.

26:10 Best Of CLL #1510 Did you have a small house or something?

26:12 Caller No, no, no big house. But I don't know.

26:16 Adam Okay.

26:17 Caller I felt comfortable there.

26:19 Drew That, well, this is not about her, it's about her parent. I think I remember telling you this before. It's your parent's job.

26:24 Caller Yeah.

26:24 Drew To help you individuate to the point that you can feel safe doing things by yourself.

26:28 Caller Yeah.

26:29 Adam My parents were so hell bent on not coddling us kids that my dad actually moved out when I was seven.

26:36 Best Of CLL #1510 You got to live in the garage.

26:38 Adam Yeah, I got to live in the garage.

26:39 Drew Do you know all the details of the garage?

26:41 Adam I have a popcorn bucket.

26:42 Best Of CLL #1510 A popcorn bucket.

26:43 Caller Souvenir popcorn bucket.

26:45 Best Of CLL #1510 I know them all too well.

26:46 Adam Let me just say this because I say it once in a while, but I can never say it enough. Parents, if you're listening, you rolled the dice and it came up snake eyes because now I got the radio show. Smart move. Smart. You play the odds, but you got burned.

27:02 Adam, I really don't know what you see in Jimmy.

27:05 Caller He's like hairy and fat.

27:08 How dare you?

27:10 Best Of CLL #1510 First off, we don't really have a physical relationship. You don't?

27:13 Adam Not yet. We'll see what happens.

27:15 Drew You don't understand, Jimmy. He's been talking about that for quite some time. I guess this is all fantasy at this point.

27:20 Best Of CLL #1510 Yes, it's still all fantasy. Wait till we get older.

27:24 Caller Okay. My question is, like when I was seven and my little brother was three.

27:31 Best Of CLL #1510 One time at bad camp?

27:34 Caller No. I used to masturbate in front of him.

27:37 Adam When he was three.

27:38 Drew Regularly?

27:40 Caller Yeah.

27:41 Adam And how is he doing now?

27:43 Caller I don't know. That's why I'm scared because he's going into puberty and he might remember and I'm scared.

27:51 Drew Did you masturbate to orgasm or were you just sort of being provocative?

27:55 Caller Just arousing.

27:56 Drew Just being provocative in front of him. Yes. What was going through your mind at the time? Do you remember?

28:01 Caller This is fun.

28:03 Drew And what were your sort of intention with it? Did you have one?

28:06 Just to get excited because it felt good.

28:11 Drew But why him? Why did you need him involved in it?

28:13 Caller I didn't need him. I just thought to myself, oh, he's a baby.

28:17 He's not going to remember.

28:20 Adam Well, maybe he won't.

28:21 Drew Well, kids will do these sexually provocative things when there's sort of trauma in the house, when they're hyper aroused because of parents fighting or breaking up or somebody on drugs or something excessive going on.

28:33 Caller My dad was an alcoholic.

28:35 Drew Okay. Well, that's the kind of thing. See, in my patients sometimes, their kids will act out for a short while, they'll masturbate at school and stuff, and there's sort of these bizarre, sort of progressive acts. Not after nine, but before that, yeah. But no, they will do these strange acts.

28:50 Best Of CLL #1510 She has a very, very chipper, though, Goldie Hawn type attitude towards her insanity.

28:57 Adam Yeah, she's very jovial about her disease. I like that. I wish more crazy people. You know, I've said many times, I miss the crazy people who thought they were Napoleon instead of the guys who want to put a broken bottle in your spine at the park, you know. I'd like to get back to that day where, you know, where you chase around with big nets.

29:15 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah, making pronouncements in the park.

29:17 Adam I'm Napoleon in a kind of white suit with Jason with a net. I like that kind of crazy, that fun, innocent crazy. All right, so tell Fiona what to do real fast and we'll get another call.

29:27 Caller I didn't hear a question.

29:28 Best Of CLL #1510 She doesn't have one.

29:29 Adam She doesn't have one. Your brother's fine. He doesn't remember.

29:33 Drew This is not nearly as bad. It's not about you so much as what else was going on with your parents. That's the big issue here. And you know you've got some issues. You might want to get some therapy because this stuff can be traded.

29:43 Adam All right. I want to talk to this vasectomy guy. Scott?

29:48 Yes.

29:48 Adam You're 29?

29:49 Caller Yes, I am.

29:50 Adam What's up?

29:51 Caller Hey, about two months ago, I ended up getting a vasectomy and my nuts ache every day. It's really bothering me.

30:00 Drew Wow.

30:01 Caller Yeah.

30:02 Drew That doesn't sound good.

30:03 Caller No, it doesn't.

30:04 Drew Are you taking any anti-inflammatories or anything like that?

30:06 Caller They put me on that about, actually, it was probably two and a half months ago that I had it done, but about three and a half weeks ago, they put me on it. I went and had everything checked out because I felt it was a problem and still no results.

30:18 Drew What was the anti-inflammatory?

30:19 Caller I was constantly being kicked in the nuts.

30:20 Drew Oh, beautiful. What was the anti-inflammatory they put you on?

30:23 Caller To be honest with you, I do not know.

30:25 Drew Was it once a day, three times a day?

30:26 Caller Once a day. Vioxx? I couldn't quote it to you.

30:30 Drew They may want to put you on something stronger that way. They may want to treat you with some antibiotics.

30:35 Adam Well, what's going on with them?

30:36 Drew I don't know. They may want to do an ultrasound to see what's going on. It just sounds like inflammation, whether it's inflammation of an infection or just some sort of leftover inflammation from the surgery. But it's not, people that have vasectomies should not expect to walk around with painful nuts. That's not okay. Okay. So you should, you want to get that on a loop?

30:55 Adam Yeah, you should be a spokesman for the National Council of Vasectomies.

31:00 Drew No, you should get, you should go back to the doctor until you get something, some solution.

31:04 Best Of CLL #1510 I wouldn't leave. I'd be standing in the doorway till the pain subsides. Yeah. That's the worst ever.

31:08 Adam Doctors are very tricky that way. Cause they go, it's going to hurt for a couple of days. Get the F out of here. And then it should go away. So they clear everybody out. It'd be, it'd be great if every business worked that way. Like if you fix cars, you'd go, it's going to drive like cramp and leak oil for a few days. Go ahead, take it, get out of here. Give me some money. Okay. See ya. And then it'll probably clear up. It's great because you leave, you don't, you feel worse when you leave the doctors after they've done a procedure on you and they get you, get some of the money and it gets you out of there, Drew, right?

31:37 Drew Whatever.

31:37 Adam I mean, is there any other business that works that way where it's actually worse when you leave and it's going to be bad and you should pay me anyway? You know what I'm saying?

31:47 Best Of CLL #1510 No.

31:48 Adam It works great. So Scott, yeah, he told you it was going to be sore for a few days and now it's been a few months.

31:53 Drew It's been too long, yeah. Right.

31:54 Adam So you go back.

31:55 Caller Okay.

31:56 Drew Keep going back. It's not okay that it hurts.

31:58 Best Of CLL #1510 In the meantime, ice them.

32:00 Drew Yeah, you can ice might help.

32:01 Caller Really?

32:03 Drew You try that?

32:04 Best Of CLL #1510 I was kidding, but ice them.

32:05 Drew No, ice them.

32:05 Caller Oh, it works. You never think that ice on your nuts would feel so good.

32:09 Best Of CLL #1510 Really?

32:10 Adam Can you masturbate?

32:12 Caller Oh, very well.

32:13 Adam Oh, you can? I love about that. Of course. No problem.

32:18 Drew Would I be wasting my time calling you if that was a problem?

32:21 Best Of CLL #1510 All right, Drew, did Adam tell you about my terrible medical problem that I had?

32:25 Drew Oh, no. It was more blood out the ass?

32:27 Best Of CLL #1510 It was just headache during orgasm, HDO.

32:29 Adam Have you heard of this?

32:30 Drew Why did you tell me about this?

32:33 Adam I thought he talked to you about it.

32:35 Best Of CLL #1510 No, no, I didn't. I looked it up on the internet. It needs to be worked out. I guess it's fairly common.

32:42 Drew If that's what it is.

32:43 Best Of CLL #1510 Well, no, it's gone now.

32:45 Adam You get a headache during masturbation.

32:48 Drew Oh, just not in sexual act, but just when you're by yourself.

32:51 Best Of CLL #1510 No, no, the first time I got it was in the sexual act. Don't tell my wife. She hit me over the head with a pan.

33:01 Adam Pan pan?

33:01 Drew With a cut-cone knife?

33:05 Best Of CLL #1510 No, and I got this excruciatingly horrible headache. Where was it? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it was really the worst headache I've ever had.

33:12 Drew Did you have any visual changes with it?

33:14 Best Of CLL #1510 I was a mess for like two hours.

33:16 Drew Seriously?

33:16 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah, and then I tried masturbating the next night and I had it again.

33:21 Drew Again, the genius of the male.

33:22 Best Of CLL #1510 I called the doctor. Well, you know, I didn't know it was real. I thought I just had a headache that night.

33:26 Drew Was your neck stiff with this?

33:28 Best Of CLL #1510 Not really, no. The neck wasn't stiff, but I eventually got over it. I read on the internet, it usually lasts about two weeks and it goes away, and sure enough, it did.

33:36 Drew I mean, there is such a thing, but it's always good to look through other causes too.

33:40 Adam But he went and had a CAT scanner.

33:42 Drew Oh, good, good, good, excellent.

33:44 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah, everything looked fine, relatively anyway.

33:48 Adam All right, we were going to take ourselves a break. Jimmy Kimmel is here from the Man Show on when, Jimmy?

33:54 Best Of CLL #1510 Sunday nights at 10 o'clock Comedy Central.

33:56 Adam Fantastic. Of course, Dr. Drew and you, and we'll be back after this. Hey, everybody.

34:07 Best Of CLL #1510 This is it, this is it.

34:09 Adam It's the Love Line. I'm Adam Carolla. That's Dr. Drew. Pan pan. Hit the road, Rob.

34:16 Caller The knife shell's been kicked.

34:17 Drew Yeah, don't leave this in.

34:18 Best Of CLL #1510 It scares me. The kid who's selling knives.

34:21 Drew You left me in a room with Jimmy and Adam and swords.

34:24 Caller Swords. There you go, Pan.

34:27 Adam Phone number for Love Line, 1-800-LOVE-191. Jimmy Kimmel is our guest tonight from the Fox Sports Pre-Game Show. And, of course, the Man Show, Sunday nights on Comedy Central, 10 o'clock.

34:40 Drew Jimmy, are you going to play in the Dodger game this year?

34:43 Best Of CLL #1510 I was invited to play in the Dodger game.

34:44 Drew Yeah, me too.

34:44 Caller What do you think? Going to go? We were both invited. Going to play?

34:49 Best Of CLL #1510 Adam was specifically not invited. I'd love to have to go to a wedding on that portion of it.

34:53 Drew I sent a team in to try to get him in. I did. I knew he'd like it.

34:56 Caller Really?

34:57 Best Of CLL #1510 I sent a team in to keep him out.

34:59 Caller It's a lot funnier.

35:00 Drew You didn't have to.

35:02 Caller Really? Yeah.

35:03 Best Of CLL #1510 Adam is not welcome at Dodger Stadium. Not just for the Celebrity Game, but even as a spectator.

35:09 Drew He's not allowed to wear blue.

35:12 Adam Well, I'll now become a Crip. I had a little problem there a few years back, and I've not been asked to play in it again. It's too bad, too, because to get out in Dodger Stadium...

35:25 Caller Oh, yeah, it's great.

35:26 Best Of CLL #1510 Drew and I love it. We love it every year.

35:28 Caller We enjoy it.

35:30 Adam Drew, you don't even play, though. You go there and tell them you don't want to play.

35:34 Drew Yeah, I go because I want to get my kids out in the field and let them meet the Dodgers. I love the batting warm-up part.

35:39 Best Of CLL #1510 He likes to shower with the guys afterwards.

35:41 Drew It's fun just to hit a ball in a Dodger Stadium.

35:42 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah, it's great when you're standing in line and that jackal Tony Danza shoves his way to the front and then he puts on a little show of his batting and then he demands a wooden bat because a real player wouldn't use an aluminum bat. He takes two cuts with a wooden bat and goes, where's the aluminum?

35:59 Adam And Corbin Bernsen and throwing his curve balls. Who are the other a-holes of that group? And they don't have any real celebrities anymore. They used to be Billy Crystal and Tom Selleck and guys like that. I mean, in years past, they used to play at night and they'd play a good long game and there'd be like John Wayne out there and stuff and it's fallen apart. It really has. It's not even worth going to. That's why I don't go.

36:25 Drew Think how different it would sound if he were actually going. The greatest celebrities on earth go.

36:31 Adam Steve, what's the name of the guy who didn't let me play again?

36:35 Best Of CLL #1510 Jack Jilardi.

36:36 Adam Jack Jilardi.

36:37 Drew Valerian Jilardi.

36:39 Best Of CLL #1510 I think it's Jilardi.

36:40 Adam Jack, you know you always have an open invitation to kiss my hairy ass.

36:44 Best Of CLL #1510 He's been in bed for four hours.

36:47 Adam Yes, cramping into a bag. Steve?

36:50 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah.

36:51 Adam You're 25.

36:52 Caller I'm 25.

36:53 Adam What's up?

36:54 Caller I love your show.

36:55 Caller I listen all the time and you guys rock. Thanks, Steve.

36:58 Caller You the man.

36:59 Adam Oh, you got a good question. You want to know what...

37:01 Caller I do have a good question.

37:02 Adam You want to know what Jimmy...

37:03 Caller I'm so glad I got through...

37:03 Adam .what Jimmy did on Killborn a few weeks ago.

37:06 Caller Yeah, he was on Killborn a few weeks ago and he was dressed up as a... Who was it, Jimmy?

37:11 Adam Richard Simmons.

37:12 Caller Richard Simmons, yeah.

37:13 Caller And you stood up and I don't know, did you... I don't know what words I can say, but you pulled your penis...

37:17 Drew Expose yourself.

37:18 Best Of CLL #1510 A testicle came out. It was a testicle.

37:21 Caller It was a...

37:22 Caller Was it your testicle?

37:24 Caller It was somebody's testicle.

37:26 Adam Jimmy, Drew, you didn't know about this.

37:28 Caller Because it was great.

37:29 Caller They blurred it.

37:30 Caller And Killborn made a big scene.

37:31 Best Of CLL #1510 He almost had a heart attack.

37:33 Adam He tried to grab it. Jimmy did Killborn about three weeks ago and he, for some reason, decided to dress as Richard Simmons, which...

37:42 Best Of CLL #1510 It seemed like a good idea.

37:43 Adam It turned out to be really funny. And then also the joke was he was going to wear those short, you know, dolphin shorts. And when he stood up at a certain point, he had our prompt department make a big set of novelty nuts that looked pretty realistic, though. Yeah. I mean, I saw them. They looked good.

37:59 Best Of CLL #1510 All too realistic.

38:00 Adam Yeah. And the idea is when he stood up, these would fall out of his shorts when he was demonstrating something. And I watched it that night and they just blurred it out. And Killborn was kind of going nuts because I don't think he knew what to expect.

38:14 Best Of CLL #1510 I didn't tell. I didn't tell anybody. And it's funny if they don't know.

38:17 Adam I think it read real to him, didn't it?

38:20 Best Of CLL #1510 He didn't know what was on, but he knew that he needed to step in and do something.

38:25 Adam It was groundbreaking television.

38:27 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah. Thank you.

38:28 Caller They ruined it for me.

38:30 Best Of CLL #1510 Thank you.

38:30 Caller And all the people at home. Thanks, Steve. It must have been nice to be the one to say that I made those testicles for Jimmy Kimmel.

38:37 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah.

38:38 Caller In the prop department.

38:39 Best Of CLL #1510 Oh, yes. Yes. They did fine work. I think they actually took quite great pride in making those testicles.

38:44 Adam It's on their mold of yours. No, they just they just used a set, you know, for basically about a 200 pound guy set of nuts. But it's on their reel, they were telling me. All right, Steve. OK. Now, you know, what up the pan pan? Yeah. First shout out for Pan Pan tonight. The knife salesman, Jamie.

39:06 Drew Jimmy got a little working during the break here, too.

39:08 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah. He came back in. He cut through some leather. What his mom is cooking him. Again, I mean, knives that cut leather.

39:15 Adam Leather. I've seen him do it. He cut a penny with some shears. He's done leather in a rope. Still not seen food cut. Yeah. Jamie.

39:23 Drew Hello.

39:23 Adam You're 17. What's up?

39:25 Caller Sorry, I didn't have a really interesting question, but I feel too weird asking my psychiatrist if Prozac doesn't make it harder for you to have an orgasm or just doesn't make you less horny.

39:35 Drew It can do both or either. You really do need to talk to your psychiatrist about this. These are some of the more common and uncomfortable side effects. Prozac does it very powerfully, suppresses your libido and can impair orgasm, and it does it for women rather severely.

39:53 Caller Is there anything else that doesn't do it?

39:54 Drew Yeah, a lot of things. Sarazone, Wellbutrin, Remeron.

39:57 Adam Well, don't you take the Wellbutrin with the Prozac?

40:00 Drew That's one of the ways to do it. If it's important for her to be taking Prozac, or you can switch to Wellbutrin or switch to Sarazone. And I suggest you talk to your doctor about it.

40:07 Adam So you were having orgasms before you got on the Prozac?

40:11 Caller Well, yeah. So psychiatrists won't be like, oh, this is for...

40:15 Drew Jamie, they're psychiatrists. Sexual functioning is sort of their foundation of what they do and talk about. Even though Adam won't talk about his masturbation. It's not a problem.

40:25 Adam When it becomes a problem...

40:28 Drew How many times a day is a problem?

40:29 Adam When I get in my second accident because of driving, because of masturbating, then I'll bring it up. Drew wants me to sit in his therapist's office and I told him...

40:39 Best Of CLL #1510 He talks about it on TV and the radio all night. How much more can he talk about it?

40:42 Drew Do you find it slightly bizarre that he talks about it everywhere else but will not? He's afraid to mention it to his therapist?

40:47 Best Of CLL #1510 Well, I don't think he thinks of it as a problem.

40:49 Adam Once a day.

40:50 Best Of CLL #1510 Come on. Yeah.

40:51 Adam Once a day plus once a day.

40:53 Best Of CLL #1510 Oh, yeah.

40:55 Drew Once a day. But even when he has a partner, it's like, it's not the real thing. The real thing is more important than working with a partner.

41:02 Best Of CLL #1510 Oh, that's just a line, right?

41:04 Adam Yeah. Sex is good. It's just not the real thing. Look, and I've also told you this, Drew. If I am comfortable and I'm sitting on a sofa and I begin talking about masturbation, I will masturbate and I'm scared that's going to happen.

41:18 Best Of CLL #1510 Once it enters into his brain, it's done. I do the same thing. If I'm laying there in bed and I think, I masturbate, there's no use fighting it. I better get up and get it over with.

41:28 Drew His concern is sitting on a couch, talking to a therapist on the couch, sitting, talking about masturbation.

41:33 Caller How?

41:34 Adam How it's going to happen.

41:35 Caller Yeah.

41:36 Adam Maybe if I timed it for just the last three minutes of the session, I could run out and do it in the car on the way to cars.

41:42 Drew Maybe if you take a bullet out of the chamber before you go into the session.

41:46 Adam In the dressing room, in the waiting room, you squeeze one off? Yeah.

41:50 Best Of CLL #1510 Instead of signing in.

41:51 Adam I'll do that next time, Drew. Daring you. Sarah? And by the way, normal guys that we know are good for once a day.

41:59 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah.

42:00 Adam You think that's absurd.

42:02 Drew Pot smokers hang around pot smokers.

42:06 Adam That's the attraction?

42:08 Caller Yeah.

42:09 Drew Alcoholics hang around out here.

42:11 Best Of CLL #1510 You would guess, though. I mean, you know this stuff that more guys masturbate once a day than the majority of guys masturbate once a day. Pan pan? How many? Pan pan?

42:23 Caller Five times a day?

42:24 Adam Five times a day.

42:25 Drew No, listen, it's, it's, it was actually what you used to do that was more of a concern to me. That was like three to five times a day kind of thing. And the fact-

42:34 Caller With the fist?

42:34 Drew Yeah. And that it would be a preference. I really-

42:39 Adam Preference.

42:39 Drew Well, you, you, you were, I forget what you were talking about, but you, you know, you had a partner and-

42:43 Adam Three to five times a day. I never told you three to five times. That was high school.

42:48 Best Of CLL #1510 Every time you say had a partner makes him sound gay.

42:51 Adam Yeah.

42:52 Best Of CLL #1510 Just say girlfriend.

42:53 Drew A girlfriend.

42:53 Adam Say lover.

42:54 Caller Lover.

42:56 Adam Or life partner.

42:57 Drew A husband.

42:58 Caller All right.

42:59 Adam I'm done with this, Drew. Sarah?

43:01 Caller Me?

43:01 Adam Yes.

43:02 Caller Hi.

43:03 Adam Hey, you're 14. What's up?

43:05 Caller Well, first, I just want to say I love all of you, all three of you, and I have you on my shoes and my socks.

43:12 Caller Whatever. Whatever.

43:13 Adam Thank you. What? Thank you.

43:15 Caller Oh, okay.

43:16 Adam And your socks.

43:16 Caller Drew, you're a passionate man.

43:19 Adam Passionate. He's a very passionate man.

43:21 Caller Yeah. I love you, Drew. Okay. I'm sorry. I made up my question. Oh, okay.

43:26 Adam That's all right.

43:27 Drew Well, that's better to finish the hour anyway.

43:29 Best Of CLL #1510 Drew is a passionate man.

43:30 Adam He really is. He really is.

43:35 Caller I mean, he loves women.

43:39 Adam I mean, he really does. I don't know what's so funny about that.

43:44 Caller He's rolling around on the ground right now.

43:46 Drew What was this seriously? I don't know.

43:50 Adam No, he's his sexual metronome.

43:53 Best Of CLL #1510 I mean, he's not that passionate.

43:55 Adam Well, he doesn't stray. Yeah. But he really likes to give a woman a good bang on a frequent basis. When he was in high school, for Christ's sake, he was buying condoms in Chinatown. I mean, that's a passionate man. Don't you love that story? Your dad knows every pharmacist in Pasadena, so you schlep out to Chinatown once a month and buy a case of condoms.

44:21 Caller What do you do with all those condoms?

44:23 Adam You sell to friends? No, I'm a whore. Don't I know you?

44:28 Best Of CLL #1510 He nailed his wife so vigorously, triplets came out.

44:31 Adam That's right. All right, we're going to take a little break. Jimmy Kimmel here, Man Show, Sunday Night, 10 o'clock. And we'll be back with the passionate one after this.

44:41 Best Of CLL #1510 What's up with the guy selling knives and all?

45:14 Adam I can't remember the name he gave me yesterday. What's up with the Pan-Pan? Pan wouldn't cover it.

45:28 Caller Can I call you Pan?

45:29 Caller You can call me whatever you want.

45:36 Caller You can call me whatever you want.

45:38 Adam Because the guy's name is Pan Pan, I'd love to say, I'll get Pan Pan right on it. He gets up early, he's not scared to call a celebrity on his cell phone. He'll use his brain and his assertiveness.

45:47 Best Of CLL #1510 He'll work his way up through the system.

45:49 Adam He'll climb the top of the corporate ladder. Are you Chinese?

45:55 Best Of CLL #1510 He's not that smart. This is the dumbest Asian person I've ever met.

46:00 1-800-LOVE-191.

46:09 Adam Yep, it is Loveline, everybody. I'm Adam, that's Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Jimmy Kimmel is our guest tonight from The Man Show. Sunday nights, 10 o'clock, Comedy Central. Best show on television according to Governor Jesse Ventura. And of course, coming up soon with the-

46:28 Best Of CLL #1510 And other wrestlers.

46:29 Adam Fox pregame.

46:30 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah, other wrestlers like it too. Rowdy Roddy Piper.

46:34 Drew Oh, really? Yeah.

46:35 Adam Yeah.

46:35 Drew We met him, didn't we?

46:37 Best Of CLL #1510 No.

46:37 Drew Who's the one I met him? Randy Savage's appearance, right?

46:41 Adam Oh, yeah.

46:42 Drew Remember that?

46:42 Adam Oh, maybe.

46:44 Drew Yeah, there he is.

46:45 Adam That's him all right. Even he sounds like he's doing an impression of him. Yeah.

46:50 Drew It's Randy Savage as Randy Savage.

46:53 Adam Yeah, in the Randy Savage story. All right. I told- I told Pan Pan I was going to buy two Cleavers from him. You did?

47:01 Best Of CLL #1510 Two Cleavers.

47:02 Drew One for Jimmy.

47:02 Adam One for me, one for you. And that wasn't good enough for him.

47:05 Best Of CLL #1510 Really?

47:05 Drew Oh, he's not done with you.

47:06 Adam He went right for the catalog. Well, he gave us two Cleavers.

47:09 Best Of CLL #1510 There's nothing that's going to be good enough for him. He's one of these persistent guys.

47:13 Adam And he's reliant on-

47:14 Best Of CLL #1510 What's he studying there at Georgetown?

47:15 Drew International Relationships.

47:17 Best Of CLL #1510 Really?

47:18 Adam Pan Pan.

47:18 Best Of CLL #1510 Which country is he representing? I hope not ours. Pan Pan?

47:23 Adam He just did the shape of the country.

47:25 Drew He's been working for the National Terrorist Group.

47:27 Best Of CLL #1510 US something.

47:29 Adam No. Spell it out again.

47:30 Drew United Arab Emirates.

47:34 Adam Pan Pan is spelling things out like he's on the sideline of a USC game.

47:38 Drew China.

47:38 Adam China? He did C and C. Oh, is it?

47:41 Drew CCCP.

47:43 Adam All right. Okay. Yeah. You can't go over there and represent him from China? You have to do it from the United States? He doesn't know what's happening. All right. He's going to sell me these cleavers. Here's my prediction for Pan Pan. He'll graduate Georgetown in like two and a half years. He'll work his way up through the system. He'll use his brain and his assertiveness. He'll climb the top of the corporate ladder and his wife will kill him. When he's trying to sell her some knives on their honeymoon.

48:19 Best Of CLL #1510 With one of those cut-cone knives.

48:20 Adam What's the knife?

48:22 Caller Rose?

48:24 Adam Rose?

48:24 Caller I am not only obsessed with the three of you, but just the show in general. But since I'm older, I don't have you guys on my shoes. Sorry. But I do pay attention to everything that you say. So with your permission, before I ask the question, I'm just going to run through the list of the stuff that I know about you and Jimmy.

48:43 Drew It sounds like you're next door or something.

48:45 Caller I practically am, because I'm in Culver City.

48:49 Adam Come on out and buy a knife.

48:52 Best Of CLL #1510 What do you mean, stuff you know about us?

48:54 Caller Okay. So I listen to the Kevin and Bean show every single day. So I totally miss both of you from the show.

49:03 Adam Oh, and for those of you who are not from LA, that is the sister, the flagship station that carries the show. It's the morning show where Jimmy and I first met and fell in love six, seven years ago.

49:15 Exactly.

49:16 Caller And you met each other at Body's Emotion because Jimmy was needing to box and you were boxing there.

49:21 Adam That's right.

49:23 Caller I know that you landed to boil yourself.

49:25 Drew Where was it?

49:27 Oh, that was the car.

49:28 Caller It was Carbuncle or whatever.

49:30 Drew Where was it? Where was it?

49:33 Caller Like on his ass, right?

49:34 Adam No, you're wrong. North Hollywood. It was almost in my asshole.

49:42 Caller Almost in your asshole.

49:43 Best Of CLL #1510 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like you were saying it gently. Almost in my asshole.

49:49 Adam Do you realize that I had to bounce a beam from a flashlight off of a mirror onto the ass because it's the only way I could see it?

49:58 Caller Exactly.

49:59 Adam It's the way the Egyptians used to get light to the center of the pyramid. They theorized.

50:07 Caller I know that you played football. I know that your dad's a therapist. I know that your mom was pretty much emotionally absent and provided little structure for you.

50:15 Adam That's right. Wow. That's right.

50:17 Caller Of course, you like the porn and the big boobs and you have the whole boobville going on.

50:21 Drew Oh, we have the boobville.

50:22 Adam I forgot about that.

50:22 Caller The masturbation and the napping is all, you know, that's talk about that too much. Right.

50:27 Adam Well, took care of both of that.

50:29 Caller You are obsessed with people that are able to fart on command.

50:34 Adam I think that is being touched by the hand of God. They talk about people who are, you know, clairvoyant, those people, the healers, but to me, it's the people who can fart on command.

50:44 Caller Exactly. I believe you were atheist. You did the Big Brother with Team, right?

50:53 Adam I was a Catholic Big Brother. Catholic Big Brother. No, Team was not my Big Brother.

50:57 Best Of CLL #1510 Here it comes right after atheist.

50:59 Caller Team was the friend.

51:01 Adam Nate was my young warden. Team was his fat Russian friend. Beaches ain't shh, but holes and freaks suck on these balls and leak on these dee...

51:18 Best Of CLL #1510 That's one of your worst renditions. Yeah.

51:21 Adam Thank God he captured that. All right. Well, anyway, Rose, I'm boring myself.

51:25 Caller So you're boring yourself.

51:26 Adam Do you have a question?

51:28 Caller Well, I know that since Jimmy and you are both geniuses, I'm curious to know what other projects you have coming up after the man show.

51:38 Best Of CLL #1510 We're building a gazebo.

51:40 Caller Aside from that, like movies or anything like that.

51:45 Drew You aren't at liberty to discuss this.

51:46 Adam No, we can. We're trying to work on a movie and hopefully we're gonna do it with Ivan Reitman. But you know, nothing's carved in stone yet, but it looks pretty good. And then we did this development deal with Comedy Central. We're gonna try to do some more shows for them that we're not necessarily in.

52:07 Caller You're not necessarily in. But you're just attached to them.

52:10 Adam Well, we'll produce them.

52:12 Caller Okay.

52:13 Best Of CLL #1510 Right.

52:13 Caller And Jimmy, how's your cousin Sal?

52:15 Best Of CLL #1510 Cousin Sal's doing well.

52:16 Adam He's a dynamite.

52:18 Best Of CLL #1510 He's a dynamite lady.

52:19 Drew Rose, I know these guys love to talk about themselves, but it's been about six minutes now. So we gotta go.

52:24 Adam Thank you, babe. Let me tell you something about cousin Sal. We had his birthday over at the party house, which by the way, is paying for itself a couple days back in Jimmy, because Jimmy's really, I gotta take this time to talk about Jimmy for a second, because a lot of people think he's in a hole. Jimmy is the most fiercely loyal, generous guy you'll ever want to meet. I mean, he will do more for a stranger than your own family will do for you. And his cousin, Sal, I mean, he's a moderately talented guy, who's extremely funny and has a lot of good mascot qualities. He's just a great guy to hang around with, and he was in New York doing nothing with his life. He was going to be an attorney, but Jimmy decided it was dead end, and he brought him out here and he got him a good gig, and he's taken him under his wing, and Sal has really blossomed. And for his birthday, he got him Rowdy Roddy Piper. He flew him in to come to the birthday party, and Sal's a fanatic about Rowdy Roddy.

53:27 Best Of CLL #1510 Boyhood idol.

53:28 Adam Sal almost started crying when Rowdy approached him. It was a great, great moment. Sal's usually not at a loss for words, but he was like a deer in the headlights when Rowdy came out. Rowdy wore the kilt and the wrestling shoes, got him in the headlock. It was really a great moment. Crystal?

53:49 Caller Oh, hi.

53:50 Adam It's like Jimmy's to make a wish foundation for guys who aren't dying. We just want to have a good time.

53:57 Caller I held out all week to be on the date Jimmy Kimmel was on too.

54:02 Adam Oh, you did?

54:02 Drew What's up, Crystal?

54:04 Caller I almost called yesterday too.

54:05 Drew What's your question?

54:07 Caller I was masturbating with my baton, my toilet baton.

54:12 Adam Those half-time shows are getting really liberal. It's been a while since I've intended a high school football game, but a lot has changed.

54:20 Best Of CLL #1510 I've seen the ass tuba, but never this.

54:25 Caller And I was wondering if I could injure myself if I put it in too far.

54:29 Adam Oh, yeah. Well, isn't that why they put those rubber balls on the end of it so you don't cut? No.

54:35 Drew What are you doing, Crystal?

54:39 Caller Well, I don't see my boyfriend for like weeks at a time.

54:42 Adam Oh, okay.

54:44 Caller And I don't have like a real...

54:46 Drew This is why I want to make Adam talk to his therapist, is for behavior like this.

54:49 Best Of CLL #1510 What, are you in high school or something?

54:51 Caller No. I graduated.

54:53 Adam What do you do with the baton? I mean, why do you have a baton?

54:56 Caller Well, I used to be in baton when I was like eight and stuff. I was in parades.

55:01 Best Of CLL #1510 Well, I think it's great. I mean, most people just throw those things in the closet. At least you're using it.

55:04 Caller Yeah. Mine is like in my Alhambra bottle next to my bed.

55:07 Caller So.

55:09 Adam I don't know what an Alhambra bottle is.

55:11 Caller I put money in it.

55:12 Best Of CLL #1510 Oh, of course.

55:13 Drew Can you invest some of that money in maybe a more practical device?

55:19 Caller I don't know.

55:22 Adam You're not using one of those novelty wooden guns that the drill team uses.

55:27 Best Of CLL #1510 Good thing she wasn't a flag twirler.

55:30 Adam Crystal, what's wrong with you? Are you nuts? Do you have problems?

55:34 Caller Probably. I always talk to my friend about how I have problems and that I should call the show, but I've really never had a question.

55:41 Drew Well, here you are.

55:42 Caller Yeah.

55:43 Drew What are the kind of problems you have?

55:45 Caller Yeah, I don't know. I've been manic depressive for a while, but I'm just self-diagnosed. I mean, I tried to see a psychologist, but she just pissed me off the way she was like judging me and the way she looked at me. I just didn't like it.

55:57 Best Of CLL #1510 Right, right. You can't have that. You can't have them looking at you.

56:00 Adam They should tell you you're completely self-actualized and send you on your way with your baton. Hey, Crystal, what are you doing now? You graduated high school.

56:09 Caller Yeah.

56:10 Adam And are you working? Do you go to college?

56:13 Caller No. I've been filling out applications for a job.

56:18 Drew Crystal, why don't you get somebody to take a look at you? You know, if you really feel you're bipolar.

56:22 Best Of CLL #1510 She doesn't like them looking at her. That's why, Drew.

56:25 Caller Yeah. And I don't think I like women psychologists either. She was like a counselor. I wanted a psychiatrist.

56:31 Drew All right. Get yourself a male psychiatrist and see if there's something to help you with this. To me, this sort of has a self-destructive sound to it.

56:41 Caller Well, it's not like I was really shoving it. I had like one end in my feet and I was laying down.

56:49 Adam Oh, interesting.

56:50 Caller And so it's not like a...

56:52 Adam And with your hands, you were leading the band? Listen, Crystal, forget about baton in the vagina aside, which I end up saying almost every week on this show. I can hear in your voice that you're depressed and that you have some issues to work out.

57:10 Caller I'm just nervous, really. I get like weird...

57:13 Adam Okay, but listen, you're living at home, you got a baton in you.

57:16 Best Of CLL #1510 You got to give her points for creativity, you know, right?

57:19 Adam That's true.

57:20 Caller Right?

57:21 Caller It was pretty good.

57:23 Adam Get a little therapy. And what about your boyfriend? Where is he? In prison?

57:26 Caller No, he's not in prison. I just don't see him much because he like works and he doesn't have his own car and he lives far away. He's working on his car, though.

57:34 Adam All right. All right. Where does he live? How far away?

57:38 Caller I don't know.

57:40 Best Of CLL #1510 Maybe try to put a pogo step up and you hop over there.

57:43 Drew You don't know?

57:44 Caller I don't know. I've ridden the bus over there and I don't really pay attention in car rides. I just stare out the window.

57:50 Adam Right.

57:50 Drew How old is he?

57:51 Adam Even when you're driving?

57:52 Caller He's 22.

57:54 Adam All right. I don't trust him. I don't know why. I worry a little about you. Is your dad around?

58:01 Caller Well, no. I used to visit him every Friday when I was a little older, but then around 6th grade, I just didn't care anymore and I didn't really want to go.

58:09 Adam And you don't like your mom?

58:12 She's okay.

58:13 Caller She's drunk most of the time.

58:14 Adam All right.

58:15 Best Of CLL #1510 Well, there you go.

58:15 Yeah.

58:16 Caller I told you I had problems.

58:17 Best Of CLL #1510 Drew, why is it that, and this could just be my perception, but it seems like so many more people are on these drugs and they're able to be medicated and hopefully be regulated and all that stuff. But it seems like there are so many more crazy people. Are we building a tolerance to these drugs?

58:35 Drew No. And I don't know that it's true that more crazy people, but they're true that there's more effed up families and that's creating more effed up people.

58:43 Best Of CLL #1510 Interesting.

58:43 Drew And they may not be crazy, but there's a lot of effed up qualities about people.

58:47 Best Of CLL #1510 And by effed, you mean what?

58:52 Drew Just a generic term.

58:53 Caller Oh, I see.

58:54 Drew But that the behavior is the lack of self-worth, the lack of ability to regulate.

59:00 Best Of CLL #1510 When I was a kid, there was one kid in the class that was crazy, the crazy kid in the class. And around 2 in the afternoon, he had to go to the nurse and take a pill. And then he'd come back, and we'd all make fun of him because he had to go take his pill. But there was only one. And now it seems like maybe there's like 26 kids that have to go take the pill, while the one normal kid sits behind him.

59:18 Adam Listen, do you ever see those roach commercials for Raid? They talk about how they lay eggs and how they expand and how you start off with one crazy family and they pop out a couple of kids and then they have a few kids. And before you know it, it's like if you see those maps of World War II when they had the Nazi Germany taking over Europe, it's that kind of thing. It's just that big sea of crazy people that are producing kids. She'll have a couple of kids with her crazy boyfriend who's whereabouts she does not know and then there'll be more crazy people.

59:52 Drew We used to live in a time when people were helped to contain their behaviors. The last 20 years, it's like, hey, let it all hang out. It's whatever you want. Well, part of that is, you know, have a bunch of kids, do whatever they want. Let the kids live in the garage with a popcorn tin. And it creates a lot.

1:00:05 Best Of CLL #1510 I blame those Have It Your Way commercials.

1:00:07 Drew No, it's the Nike, your world.

1:00:09 Adam It's the Reebok, your world. I blame.

1:00:11 Drew Yeah.

1:00:13 Adam Jason, Have It Your Way. You're 19. What's up?

1:00:18 Caller Yeah, I noticed a bump the other day, like just at the top of my pubic hair region.

1:00:25 Drew Is it got a little white, like hard thing on top of it?

1:00:29 Caller It looked kind of similar to like an ingrown hair. Right, right. And it, like I pinched it and it kind of got that yellow stuff like a zit would.

1:00:37 Drew Oh, so that's probably what it is, an ingrown hair then.

1:00:42 Caller It's really, really, really sore.

1:00:44 Drew Well, you might be getting an infection, a serious infection, so you need to have somebody look at that. It's got a lancet.

1:00:50 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah, you gotta pour some gasoline on that thing and keep pinching it.

1:00:53 Adam Right.

1:00:54 Drew I mean, it could be, you can get really serious infections from that.

1:00:56 Adam Just put some zit cream on it.

1:00:58 Drew Right now, hot towels would be the best thing, hot compresses, okay? But if it starts, if you get fevers, if you feel sick, you've got to be seen immediately. You can get pretty serious infections.

1:01:10 Adam Jimmy, do you remember when the second carbuncle one on my ass, you were in my life at that point. Yes, yeah. And we went out to eat Mexican food to celebrate. I had a gift certificate. It's destruction. I had like a half-off over at the Rusty Burrito or something. One of those crazy... What place did I have? It was in like Glendale. I was celebrating the fact that this... I had been limping for a week.

1:01:37 Caller Yeah.

1:01:38 Adam Let me tell you, it was like giving birth. It really was.

1:01:42 Caller It blew?

1:01:43 Drew Did it get all over the room and stuff?

1:01:45 Adam It went.

1:01:45 Drew Oh yeah.

1:01:46 Best Of CLL #1510 I mean, I'm telling you... It's something you never forget.

1:01:48 Drew It was under pressure.

1:01:49 Caller There was a lot.

1:01:50 Adam I don't want to be too graphic.

1:01:52 Drew There's a nice bouquet.

1:01:53 Adam But a lot of this white substance came out and sort of dripped down and it really looked like gay porn. It really looked like the end of a gay porn on my ass. It was really horrible.

1:02:04 Drew How do you know what that looks like?

1:02:06 Adam I can close my eyes and imagine what that looks like. I did some gay porn in the late 70s. Ryan?

1:02:13 Yeah.

1:02:13 Adam You're 14?

1:02:14 Caller Oh yeah. I have some girl problems right now.

1:02:17 Adam All right.

1:02:19 Caller I've been dating this girl, Erica, for about two months already. And she's been like, I don't know if I should give her another chance because she's been telling me all this kind of stuff. Like she's been going out with like this. Well, actually, no, no. She's been telling me like, like every other day she'll be telling me that a couple of. A couple of.

1:02:46 Best Of CLL #1510 What was that? I think mom popped in.

1:02:49 Adam You know what I love about this show? I love the fact that it just starts at 10 and it's over at midnight. And it doesn't matter if we don't help anybody or if they hang up or they just tell these rambling stories with no end to them. Or I talk about my carbuncles. It doesn't matter. I go home at midnight. I love that aspect of this job. I really do. Because other jobs, if this was a regular job, like when I worked carpentry, I couldn't leave because nothing would have gotten done. I'd be like, the door you were supposed to hang is still not hung and it's been six hours. You're not leaving until it's hung. But this is great. That's what I love about it. I mean, you get fired, I guess. Right?

1:03:29 Drew Yeah, it's good. Anderson, do you saw the tape of that woman that was talking about that opening call with that one night when the girl was talking about something really explicit, and her mom, what's going on?

1:03:39 Adam Her mom came in. Yeah.

1:03:41 Drew So, hi mom, good night, I love you.

1:03:43 Adam Then back to crazy finger-banging hand job stories. Sylvia?

1:03:51 Caller Yeah.

1:03:51 Adam You're 18?

1:03:52 Caller Yep.

1:03:52 Adam What's up?

1:03:55 Caller After my last couple of periods, well, maybe three or four, I've had a reoccurring yeast infection. I went to my doctor, and he didn't seem concerned about it at all. He prescribed a pill to take once, and then it should go away. He gave me a couple of refills on it so I could get rid of it.

1:04:16 Drew When was this?

1:04:19 Caller A couple of months ago. So I got the prescription when my yeast infection came back, and then the last couple of times it hasn't totally gone away. So I don't know what to do because I've tried the over-the-counter.

1:04:32 Drew No, the Di-Flu can that they gave you is the most powerful stuff, so that's fine. Have you gone back to talk to the doctor about it?

1:04:38 Caller Not yet.

1:04:39 Drew Well, why don't you do that?

1:04:40 Adam Why can't you buy that under the counter?

1:04:42 Drew Di-Flu can?

1:04:43 Adam Or over-the-counter?

1:04:45 Drew I didn't read the article, but there was a headline in the LA Times today that they're going to allow for internet purchases of drugs. So there may be some in opening up.

1:04:54 Best Of CLL #1510 If that gets in the wrong hands though, I mean, they could wind up never have any more bread.

1:04:59 Adam Yeah, kids with a tube of anti-fungal cream, they could really run amuck.

1:05:03 Best Of CLL #1510 They start making pizza dough.

1:05:05 Adam Eleven-year-old gets hold of that Di-Flu can, start sniffing it with his buddies out in the alley.

1:05:11 Drew So, Sylvia, just, you know, they're certainly well-known that it can cause blood sugar problems, can cause recurrent yeast infections. Inadequate sort of eradication of the yeast from the Di-Flu can can do it, but that's usually a very good medication. Other alterations of the immune system, if you have something else going on in your system, your body that hasn't been detected yet, and maybe it's not a yeast infection. There are other sorts of things that seem like yeast infections that are not, and so you need to get back there. And if this is a gynecologist you were seeing? It may be time to see a gynecologist.

1:05:39 Adam It's really like a whole ecosystem, the vagina, and if you introduce something new into it, it can destroy it. It's just bizarre to me.

1:05:49 Drew Yeah, it sets up a whole new wildfire, so it's like bio-

1:05:53 Adam Yeah, it's like you hear those stories about some frog jumping on some freighter and going to some continent that doesn't have any natural enemies against it and eating. Like what happened in Louisiana, right?

1:06:08 Drew What happened in Louisiana?

1:06:09 Adam With the nutria, those giant rats.

1:06:11 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah, the guy who invented Tabasco, Michael Haney, he brought in the nutria, these rats, these horrible rat creatures, to hunt them. But, you know, he brought in like a couple of dozen, but they multiplied.

1:06:22 Adam No, he brought them in to do a fur business.

1:06:25 Best Of CLL #1510 Oh, he did, that's right. I thought they were for sport hunting.

1:06:28 Adam No, no, it's like hunting rats. No, here's, now they're hunting them. Okay, so here's what it is. There's these giant rats. I mean, they're sort of like a possum, but they're more like just a giant rat. And they're called Nutria, and they have fur that's kind of decent. And so the guy brought them in, I don't know, turn of the century or something, or maybe early in the last century. And he was raising them to use their fur. And then like a typhoon blew all the cages over, and they all got out, and then they multiplied like rats do. And now they eat roots and the bridges fall down and stuff, and they're all over the place.

1:07:06 Best Of CLL #1510 And they're vicious.

1:07:07 Adam Horrible, vicious rat creatures that are running all over Louisiana, and they just keep multiplying, and they put like a bounty out on them, like a dollar a nutrient.

1:07:17 Best Of CLL #1510 These geniuses have also tried to convince people they taste good. But they got pictures of cooking them and the big tails hanging out of the pot and stuff. It's terrifying.

1:07:27 Adam Yeah, it's like, here's the thing, I like eating stuff with furry tails, not bare striped tails. That's a rat tail or a possum tail, that prehensile tail, you know, the tail that actually does something.

1:07:39 Drew That fleshy tail.

1:07:41 Adam Yeah, the fleshy tail is no good. I'm trying to think.

1:07:43 Best Of CLL #1510 They could eat a nice monkey or something like that.

1:07:46 Adam Right, that nice furry tail. Or a cute tail like pigs. Pigs got a nice tail. What do pigs even have tails for? Do they really need those? They're 400 pounds, they got an ounce and a half worth of curly tail hanging over their anus. What does that do?

1:07:59 Best Of CLL #1510 It's so the curly penis doesn't feel bad.

1:08:02 Adam Oh yeah, they got a curly penis.

1:08:04 Best Of CLL #1510 They got a corkscrew penis and a curly tail.

1:08:07 Adam Maybe everything is corkscrewy on those pigs. Let's look into this.

1:08:13 Best Of CLL #1510 Can't somebody get on the internet.

1:08:14 Adam Alright, when we come back, we're going to find a good call on there. What did you, Drew? The Masturbation, the Epidinamitis. You want to do that one?

1:08:25 Drew These are the only two knowns we have up here.

1:08:26 Adam Alright, well we're going to get the world's best call when we come back with Jimmy Kimmel Man Show, Sunday Night Comedy Center. Hey everybody, it's Love Live. I'm Adam Corolla, that's Dr. Drew, Jimmy Kimmel and Fen Fen, the knife salesman is here tonight.

1:08:49 Caller What are we going to do with this guy?

1:08:52 Best Of CLL #1510 You know what we're going to do is just make a run for it.

1:08:55 Adam Look, listen, I told that joker I'd buy two cleavers off of him. It's not enough.

1:09:03 Drew He told you.

1:09:03 Best Of CLL #1510 It's not enough.

1:09:04 Adam To the tune of $115 a cleaver.

1:09:08 Best Of CLL #1510 Really?

1:09:09 Adam Yes. And that's a lot of cleaver.

1:09:11 Best Of CLL #1510 You know what? You got to put your foot down. You can't give in to this. The guy calls you on your cell phone.

1:09:17 Drew I got to sell more. It scares me what my wife did.

1:09:18 Best Of CLL #1510 To come to your home at 7.30 in the morning?

1:09:21 Drew Anti-venom. An anti-toxin to venom.

1:09:25 Adam Right.

1:09:25 Drew Anti-venom.

1:09:26 Adam Here's what we were talking about during the break. Why is it that what comes out of a snake or spider is called venom? And the thing that they inject into you to cure that is called anti-venom.

1:09:42 Best Of CLL #1510 See, you guys thought it was boring what goes on in between the breaks.

1:09:47 Adam Where did the M go? And I'm saying, someone just did that to confuse us people who don't like to think that much. Mike?

1:09:53 Caller Yes.

1:09:54 Adam You're 18?

1:09:55 Caller Yes, I am.

1:09:55 Adam What's up?

1:09:56 Caller Well, first of all, Adam and Jimmy, they're both brilliant, brilliant men.

1:10:00 Adam Thank you.

1:10:01 Caller I have to say that I watch The Man Show religiously.

1:10:05 Drew All right, Mike.

1:10:06 Best Of CLL #1510 As a doctor, how does that make you feel, Drew?

1:10:08 Drew It makes me feel?

1:10:09 Caller And he declares us brilliant.

1:10:11 Drew Yeah, that's why I want to get right to the question. I don't want to waste any more time with this individual.

1:10:16 Caller Okay, I'm sorry.

1:10:18 Caller Okay, but I'm afraid Dr. Drew is a genius, so I have to ask him. My question is, can you get Epididymitis from masturbation?

1:10:28 Best Of CLL #1510 Yes, yes, you can.

1:10:29 Drew And Jimmy, Jimmy seems to have experienced this.

1:10:32 Best Of CLL #1510 You know what that is. What is that Epididymitis?

1:10:36 Drew That's the inflammation of your urethra or Epididymis.

1:10:39 Adam Well, right up under your nuts there.

1:10:42 Best Of CLL #1510 Did you just fart?

1:10:43 Adam No, I didn't.

1:10:43 Best Of CLL #1510 I thought I heard something.

1:10:45 Drew Sorry to disappoint you.

1:10:46 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah. Holding up a big book, Drew, on the radio.

1:10:50 Drew See that packaging center up on top of the test to here? This little cap gets inflamed.

1:10:55 Best Of CLL #1510 How come the guys in the drawings always have a bigger penis than I do?

1:10:58 Drew Well, just think of the probabilities.

1:11:01 Adam Jimmy just farted into the microphone.

1:11:03 Drew You just have to do this big thing. Yeah.

1:11:05 Best Of CLL #1510 Drew, you're on the radio. You're disproving this guy's theory that you're a genius here.

1:11:10 Adam I have explained to Drew many times how visual aids do not work on the radio, but he refuses to listen to me.

1:11:16 Caller Drew has now become taken away by the male penis.

1:11:20 Best Of CLL #1510 He's gone into a real trance. Yeah.

1:11:23 Adam Hey, Mike.

1:11:24 Caller Yes.

1:11:24 Adam Yeah. So it can.

1:11:26 Caller Okay. Great.

1:11:27 Adam How many times are you doing it a day?

1:11:29 Caller Well, it's not really excessive. It may like once in a while, but the really I have it. I have it as a recurring problem. I've had it a couple of times in my life. And I understand that once you have it once, you're probably going to get it. Yeah.

1:11:42 Drew You're prone to it.

1:11:42 Caller So when, you know, I, when the doctor asks, usually I'm not, I'm not sexually active, but I, you know, I do masturbate. So I guess, so I guess when the doctor asks, I should probably say that I, I do do that.

1:11:54 Drew Yeah.

1:11:54 Best Of CLL #1510 And then high five them. And that's what you do.

1:11:56 Drew If you say no.

1:11:56 Caller Yeah.

1:11:58 Drew What do you say? No, I don't masturbate. I'm 18. The urologist is going to.

1:12:03 Best Of CLL #1510 And, and you know what? When I was a kid, I used to masturbate without, I hadn't figured out the used lubrication thing.

1:12:10 Drew Yeah.

1:12:11 Best Of CLL #1510 And I used to, I used to really rub myself to the point where things mushroom out.

1:12:16 Drew I know that because Adam has told you a story many times on the air.

1:12:19 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah. It was really scary. Like a full size, like a portobello mushroom. We're talking about it. I remember I went to the gym with my dad one time. I really had to hide in the corner when I changed. Cause I didn't, I know he would have rushed me right to the doctor. And then that would have been it.

1:12:36 Adam I'm not a lube man, as I've explained to Drew.

1:12:39 Drew I understand. But Jimmy, remember when you were justifying Adam's masturbatory habits? Consider your own.

1:12:44 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah, but I was a kid when I was a little, you know.

1:12:46 Drew Yeah, that's what he says too. Yeah, that's when I was in high school.

1:12:49 Best Of CLL #1510 Right. But I'm saying this, Drew, is I venture that we hang out with a lot more guys than you do.

1:12:54 Drew Yeah, but no.

1:12:54 Best Of CLL #1510 You're amongst the male nurses, the...

1:12:57 Drew It's not necessarily normal for all men to rub their penis until it nearly rubs off.

1:13:01 Best Of CLL #1510 Well, I didn't know until I discovered, I discovered, I mean, this is what people should be learning.

1:13:09 Drew This is what, you know, that it is a flesh that can be removed. Yeah, yeah.

1:13:13 Best Of CLL #1510 Use something on that. You know, even if it's, you know, even if you have to go get out a handful of margarine from the...

1:13:18 Drew I see.

1:13:19 Adam Yeah, but don't use shampoo.

1:13:21 Best Of CLL #1510 Not shampoo. That, that you'll learn quickly, though.

1:13:23 Adam Right.

1:13:24 Caller Or soap.

1:13:25 Best Of CLL #1510 Soaps bad, too.

1:13:27 Adam Janna.

1:13:27 Best Of CLL #1510 Drew acts like he doesn't masturbate.

1:13:29 Adam No, he does.

1:13:30 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah.

1:13:31 Adam What do you want, Anderson? You want a lightning round? No, I don't do lightning round. I only do lightning round when there's no guests. You can't do lightning round with a guest. Unacceptable. Thank you.

1:13:40 Drew Janna, what's up?

1:13:41 Adam You know that.

1:13:43 Caller Hi.

1:13:43 Adam What's up?

1:13:45 Caller Well, my question is, I was told that women reach their sexual peak around 30 years old.

1:13:51 Drew 30, 35, yeah.

1:13:52 Caller 30, 35? Okay. Well, I was just wondering because my recent current partner, I have orgasms and they're multiple and they're not the clitoral orgasms and it's the first time I've had orgasms like that and I'm wondering if that has something to do with it or...

1:14:15 Drew Is this a new partner?

1:14:16 Caller Yes.

1:14:17 Adam Well, how do you know the difference between the vaginal and the clitoral?

1:14:20 Drew You just mean during intercourse you have orgasm and you didn't have it during intercourse before.

1:14:26 Caller Right.

1:14:26 Drew Yeah, that was good. It's all clitoral. I mean, no matter what, really.

1:14:30 Adam Right.

1:14:31 Best Of CLL #1510 It's all clitoral.

1:14:32 Adam Yeah. That's what my grandfather used to say that. But you can now have the orgasm via intercourse.

1:14:40 Caller Yes. I've been able to have clitoral orgasms before, but this is...

1:14:45 Drew So that's an answer to Adam's question.

1:14:47 Adam I'll tell our listeners, I've said this many times, I've matched her stupidity up against any other talk show, any regional or national. Because they will give you any answer but the easy answer. They'll just go ahead and phrase it a different way. Starts with no, and then they usually repeat back what you just said.

1:15:05 Best Of CLL #1510 Maybe it's the guy, maybe he pumps harder, his penis is bigger, you're more excited by him.

1:15:09 Drew You're just into this guy, right?

1:15:11 Caller Well, yeah.

1:15:11 Drew You're really into this guy.

1:15:14 Caller I guess.

1:15:15 Adam Okay. Hey, hey, miss excitement. What do you do for a living? You're an auctioneer or you're a, what do you do?

1:15:24 Caller I'm a retailer. I sell things.

1:15:27 Adam Really?

1:15:28 Best Of CLL #1510 We're selling knives.

1:15:30 Adam Are you high right now?

1:15:32 Caller No, not at all.

1:15:33 Tired?

1:15:34 Caller No.

1:15:35 Adam Do you think that we called you and asked you about your orgasms? All right, we're gonna let you go. Enjoy the orgasms. Thank you.

1:15:45 Drew It's not about aging. Although that helps, it's about the person you're with.

1:15:49 Adam Now, I've said this many times, that the vagina breaks in like a good catcher's mitt does.

1:15:55 Drew But you've also said that there's a lot of the stuff that goes into the vagina that makes it work.

1:16:01 Adam But I also think... What are you saying? I don't know what that is.

1:16:05 Drew There's an emotional connection.

1:16:06 Adam Oh yeah, but I also think it's like this. If I could use an example, that the vagina is tight early on in life and it's very stingy. It's like a slot machine that doesn't pay off. And it starts to loosen up.

1:16:21 Drew It accumulates quarters of dollars.

1:16:24 Adam As it gets older and the orgasms start coming out more frequently and more easily. And you talk to all the 17, 18, 19-year-old women who call this show, they're not having orgasms. And all of a sudden, magically at 29 or 30, they're having them, the same woman. And ladies, you can look forward to this. Your vagina at 19 will not be the vagina you'll have at 29 or 35, whereas we'll have half the penis we had at 19 at 35, which is what we have to look forward to. But that's all right because we'll make up for it in the form of shoes and cars.

1:17:02 Best Of CLL #1510 Right.

1:17:04 Adam We'll get boots and sports cars and make up for that. Edith?

1:17:08 Caller Yeah.

1:17:08 Adam You're 21?

1:17:10 Best Of CLL #1510 Wow, that was my grandmother's name.

1:17:12 Adam I was going to say, were you named after your grandmother?

1:17:14 Caller Yes.

1:17:15 Best Of CLL #1510 You were named after my?

1:17:16 Caller My great-grandma, actually.

1:17:17 Adam Really? Yeah, because nobody would name their kid Edith otherwise.

1:17:21 Caller My daughter's middle name.

1:17:22 Adam Really? I had no idea. All right. Well, somebody would name their... Really? I got to make fun of her.

1:17:28 Best Of CLL #1510 I would never go with it for the first name.

1:17:30 Adam No. Yeah. It's like Gertrude.

1:17:32 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah.

1:17:33 Adam So what's up there, Edith?

1:17:35 Well, I just had my second child five months ago, and for the pap's parent came back abnormal, and the second one came back abnormal, and then they took a biopsy. And from in between those times, I haven't been able, I hadn't been able to have an orgasm.

1:18:02 Drew Have you been nervous about this?

1:18:05 Well, yeah, because I try, but I mean...

1:18:08 Drew Have you been nervous about the dysplasia?

1:18:12 Yeah, kind of, but I really, I really haven't, because I mean, I started having sex when I was 18.

1:18:19 Drew Are you nervous about the dysplasia?

1:18:20 Adam Hold on, Drew, I'm going to go take a leak, all right?

1:18:22 Drew I'll ask one more time.

1:18:23 Adam I just keep banging away on the same question over and over again.

1:18:26 Drew Are you nervous about the dysplasia?

1:18:29 Adam Hold on, let me answer for her. I got my learner's permit when I was 15 and a half, and my daddy had a tractor, and I used to sit on his lap.

1:18:40 Best Of CLL #1510 And we keep going, and we puff into our jugs, and we just have a good old time riding up and down, stacking hay, unstacking hay, stacking it up again.

1:18:50 Adam Edith, just say you're nervous. What did you say we could move on?

1:18:54 Caller Just hang up on it.

1:18:55 Adam Okay, good. Well, listen, and by the way, any of you think that you're breaking my heart when you hang up? No way. That's more me time on the air.

1:19:07 Caller Michelle?

1:19:08 Hi.

1:19:08 Adam You're 20.

1:19:10 Caller Yeah.

1:19:10 Adam What's up?

1:19:11 Caller I had a question about general warts. I'm fortunate enough to have them on my anus.

1:19:19 Caller Oh, wow.

1:19:20 Adam Bad times.

1:19:21 Caller Hold on.

1:19:22 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

1:19:25 Drew I'm gonna ask now, are they just on the anus? They don't go anywhere else?

1:19:30 Caller I'm not really sure. I think that they're pretty much contained in that area.

1:19:34 Drew Is that where you've been having some activity?

1:19:37 Caller No, I was raped when I was 17. I guess that's where I got them. Not my other partners have had them.

1:19:44 Best Of CLL #1510 You think that's where you got them?

1:19:47 Drew Say it again?

1:19:48 Caller I think that's where I got them. None of my other partners have had them.

1:19:54 Adam Were you sodomized?

1:19:56 Caller Were you raped?

1:19:57 Adam Yes. How does that work?

1:20:02 Drew It's like taking a cat and...

1:20:04 Adam No, I know this is...

1:20:06 Best Of CLL #1510 Ask every guy in prison.

1:20:08 Adam I guess. Really, I can barely just have consensual straight sex sober. I couldn't imagine holding someone down. First off, I know this gives them the erection, but how do you sustain and keep an erection when someone is screaming and scratching you? I guess that's what gives them the erection. But then how do you do that against... You know, I mean, I couldn't get a dog to take a pill. I couldn't figure that one out. I couldn't get my dog into one of those carrying cases to go to the vet for a time. Michelle?

1:20:43 Caller Yes.

1:20:43 Adam What happened with this? I mean, did you have a gun or a knife or were you screaming?

1:20:48 Caller Yeah, well, I was screaming, but he turned the music on really loud, and I was actually at a party, and I was already kind of drunk, and I had been smoking, and I just was overtaken by him.

1:21:01 Adam And there were a lot of people at the party?

1:21:03 Caller There were people at the party, but it was his friend's house, and he knew the house pretty well, and he just locked the door, and it was actually somebody who went to high school with him.

1:21:14 Adam Did you bring charges against him?

1:21:18 Caller I actually didn't. I reported it to the police, but I didn't bring any charges against him.

1:21:22 Drew How come?

1:21:24 Caller I was really just too freaked out, I guess. I didn't have the energy to deal with it. And actually, I ended up also getting pregnant from it.

1:21:33 Caller Oh, wow.

1:21:35 Drew Did you have the child?

1:21:37 Caller No, I actually had a miscarriage.

1:21:39 Drew Well, and now another present from him. And you should know that, I mean, it is important to have these treated. There is an increased risk of anal cancer with these warts.

1:21:51 Caller Right. And I'm worried that I might have them internally because obviously he was...

1:21:56 Drew Yeah, also, have you had abnormal pap smears?

1:21:59 Caller Yeah, I've had normal pap smears. Everything's been fine. But I don't know how, like, how contagious are they? And what, like, what am I supposed to be doing? What am I not supposed to be doing?

1:22:08 Drew Condoms, condoms, condoms.

1:22:09 Caller Condoms the whole time?

1:22:10 Adam Well, condoms, hold on. Condoms with the vaginal sacs?

1:22:14 Drew Yeah, I would. Because this guy also put his penis in her vagina.

1:22:17 Adam But she doesn't have warts there.

1:22:19 Drew Not that she can see.

1:22:20 Caller Not that I can see, and not that, but, I mean, if I carry it, like, what happens if we're just having sex and it, you know, his penis happens to brush against one? Like, is that contagious, or does that count?

1:22:31 Drew Yeah, it counts.

1:22:32 Caller Oh, that sucks.

1:22:33 Drew Yeah, but they get them controlled. They tend to sort of burn out. I brought out some data the other day where it showed that between 19 and 42% of people have these, so it's extremely common.

1:22:44 Adam Yeah, I don't, but...

1:22:46 Drew Not less than one in five.

1:22:48 Adam When I have sex, that's why I try not to hit the sides. I thread it. I thread it right in.

1:22:54 Drew You have no problem, dude.

1:22:55 Adam You know, there's that game where you take the ring and you pull it along that metal thing, and then the buzzer go off. It's the same theory. I can do that with my penis.

1:23:02 Best Of CLL #1510 It's like when I tore down that clutch, you know?

1:23:05 Adam That's right, threw a rebuilt kit on a slave cell. Hey, Michelle? That's a horrible, horrible story, and I'm sorry for what happened to you. I'm hoping... I'm a little worried. Did anything like this ever happen to you before?

1:23:21 Caller Yeah, I had a lot of abuse as a child.

1:23:22 Adam That's what we figured.

1:23:24 Drew Yeah, because a non-abused individual would have reported the hell out of that.

1:23:27 Adam Well, here's the thing, too, and I don't want to dump any salt in the wound, but here goes. If you had not been abused as a child... You would have bit this guy's penis off. Do you see what I'm saying? Your dad or your family sort of gave you the victim posture and this guy seized it and kept it going. And it's sad that the people who get abused end up getting more abused. But you're 20, and you can do some therapy and take charge of your life. And listen, I don't want you to be ashamed of this, but you get the new boyfriend, and don't go into the whole rape with the anal warts story. They'll freak the guy out.

1:24:10 Drew Yeah.

1:24:10 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:24:11 Best Of CLL #1510 Just tell me about a frog as a kid.

1:24:13 Adam Tell me, put a baton up there.

1:24:15 Drew A baton.

1:24:17 Adam All right.

1:24:18 Caller You need to be wearing condoms all the time.

1:24:20 Drew Yeah, and not necessarily forever because there is evidence these warts kind of die off by themselves.

1:24:25 Caller Right, because last time I checked, or they checked, they said that there weren't any because they burned them off or whatever.

1:24:31 Drew Well, but the virus may still be present, and certainly the virus is present in the anus area. So just kind of be safe.

1:24:37 Adam I'll tell you, if I had warts burned off my anus, I would want more than a local anesthetic. I would want to be a national anesthetic.

1:24:47 Drew Spinal.

1:24:47 Adam I would have said like my family to be out too. All my loved ones and friends, everyone to go under. I want it to be like just a black day. It would not be recorded. The next day, you know, the paper would just have the following day. It would not.

1:25:03 Best Of CLL #1510 That day would be a day of numbness and sorrow.

1:25:06 Adam Right.

1:25:07 Caller Yes.

1:25:09 Adam Oh my God. Could you? And I'm going to break in the little poof of smoke that comes up.

1:25:14 Drew It's beautiful.

1:25:14 Adam Although that would be kind of lovely.

1:25:16 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah. There's got to be some good to it. There's got to be some good about it.

1:25:20 Drew What?

1:25:20 Best Of CLL #1510 I don't know. It's like the carbal gum. There's got to be a certain amount of satisfaction that goes into destroying them. I like the idea of destroying things that are bad. In that situation.

1:25:30 Adam Right. Maybe we could work out some sort of plan where we let Nutria eat the warts that were in the anuses and sort of find a good cause for them.

1:25:38 Caller Good time.

1:25:39 Best Of CLL #1510 Ask a guy on the job.

1:25:40 Adam All right. We'll take a break. Jimmy Kimmel here from The Man Show, Sunday Night, Comedy Central, 10 o'clock, and we'll be right back.

1:25:53 Caller We'll be right back.

1:25:54 Drew On 100.5 The Zone.

1:26:03 Adam Yep, we are back with More Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Drew. Jimmy Kimmel is our guest tonight. Of course, you know his stellar work from The Man Show. Comedy Central, 10 o'clock, Sunday nights. Find out what all the buzz is about. Not buzz created by Comedy Central, as I've not seen one goddamn billboard for our show.

1:26:23 Drew Another show for you that's not advertised. Adam, every show you're involved with does not get any promotion.

1:26:27 Adam What do you mean? MTV? Oh, you're right. They did nothing for us. No, nothing for this show.

1:26:32 Drew Man show?

1:26:34 Best Of CLL #1510 No.

1:26:34 Adam In the past, we have had a billboard or a bus stop or two. But if you notice, Comedy Central will get behind a show or two.

1:26:43 Best Of CLL #1510 Briefly.

1:26:44 Adam Briefly. They'll have a run. You'll see That's My Bush and you'll see full size billboards and Glick and all that kind of stuff. But you don't see a whole lot of the man show. But that's all right because it's a show that sells itself.

1:26:59 Drew That's right. That's right.

1:27:00 Adam And me mentioning it 140 times a night on the radio. Annette. Oh, wait a minute. I got to push a button. Annette, you're 31.

1:27:09 Caller Hi, Dr. Drew Adam Corolla. How are you doing?

1:27:11 Adam Good.

1:27:13 Caller Mr. Kreml, I love this show. It's beautiful. Thank you.

1:27:17 Best Of CLL #1510 Mrs. Kreml, thanks for watching.

1:27:19 Caller I hope you're having a nice evening.

1:27:21 Best Of CLL #1510 We are.

1:27:22 Adam Are you drunk or are you Asian or what are you?

1:27:25 Caller No. I'm a clean, pure human being. But my question is for Dr. Drew.

1:27:29 Adam Yeah.

1:27:30 Caller Dr. Drew, I want to be a substance abuse counselor. Okay. I want to know where you recommend the best place to get training and education.

1:27:38 Best Of CLL #1510 Let me take this. Drew Disneyland actually is.

1:27:41 Drew Well, Analia, are you a recovering person?

1:27:43 Caller Am I? No, I'm not.

1:27:44 Drew No.

1:27:45 Caller I just want to help.

1:27:46 Drew You want to be a KDAC or what kind of degree do you want?

1:27:50 Caller Just a certificate program or some aid degree, something like that.

1:27:55 Drew Well, you're calling from Glendale, California?

1:27:57 Caller Yes.

1:27:57 Drew You can check out Glendale College. They've got a good program. Okay?

1:28:00 Adam Hey, Annette.

1:28:00 Drew Glendale Community College.

1:28:01 Adam I'm still not done with your nationality.

1:28:04 Caller I'm Persian-Armenian.

1:28:05 Adam Okay. Because you had something going on. I thought it could have been gender reassignment for a second, but it just turns out Armenian.

1:28:13 Caller Okay. Also, Dr. Drew, real quick. Yeah. What's the most addictive drug that adults are using right now?

1:28:20 Best Of CLL #1510 Skittles.

1:28:20 Drew Well, the drug that causes the worst addictive disease is heroin. But, the one that becomes most rapidly addictive is actually cocaine.

1:28:28 Caller What about alcohol?

1:28:30 Drew What about it?

1:28:30 Adam Hey, Annette?

1:28:32 Caller Yeah.

1:28:32 Adam You think he's going to give you a degree tonight? Go to the goddamn college and find out all this stuff, would you?

1:28:39 Caller What about alcohol?

1:28:41 Best Of CLL #1510 Yeah, have some.

1:28:42 Adam She's going to be a delight.

1:28:45 Best Of CLL #1510 People are going to go on drugs.

1:28:46 Caller Yeah.

1:28:48 Adam It's just going to have like the only alcoholic meeting where people are actually nipping from flasks halfway into her speech.

1:28:56 Drew Pass around.

1:28:57 Adam Pass around a bottle of each other standing over a trash can in Chicago. Carrie?

1:29:02 Caller Yeah.

1:29:02 Adam You're 25?

1:29:03 Caller Yeah. I had a question. I noticed the other day that my husband has a yellow tint to his sperm. I'm wondering if that's normal.

1:29:13 Drew It can be. It can be infection.

1:29:14 Best Of CLL #1510 Is it Chinese?

1:29:15 Drew It can be blood. It can be blood, but it doesn't have to be anything if it's not having any other symptoms.

1:29:20 Best Of CLL #1510 I had blood in my sperm recently.

1:29:22 Drew Recently?

1:29:23 Best Of CLL #1510 You know what I've found?

1:29:23 Drew These damn masturbating habits you guys have.

1:29:25 Best Of CLL #1510 With the yellow sperm, if I'll wait like, you know...

1:29:29 Drew It's cowardly. It goes back in.

1:29:30 Best Of CLL #1510 What?

1:29:31 Drew Nothing.

1:29:32 Best Of CLL #1510 If I wait, I mean, it doesn't happen much, but if I haven't masturbated for a week or something like that, it tends to have a little bit more yellow consistency.

1:29:42 Drew That's true.

1:29:42 Best Of CLL #1510 Maybe he's not masturbating that much.

1:29:44 Drew And more lumpy too.

1:29:45 Adam I, true story, took a spill on a moped when I was 19. I whacked my head. I was in a coma for a week, and I only jacked off twice. And I remember Ray telling me it came out kind of yellow.

1:30:00 Best Of CLL #1510 Like country croc marjoram.

1:30:02 Adam Right. Yeah. All right. You'll be fine there, Carrie.

1:30:06 Drew If he has no other symptoms, he's otherwise okay. I wouldn't worry about it. But you could mention to his doctor, I'm saying.

1:30:12 Adam Yeah, it's true. Yeah, Jimmy had some blood in his semen.

1:30:16 Best Of CLL #1510 Good deal of it.

1:30:16 Adam Yeah. A good deal of it.

1:30:17 Drew A good deal of it. Wow.

1:30:18 Best Of CLL #1510 I even laid off masterbating for a couple of days.

1:30:20 Drew That's what I'm saying, guys.

1:30:22 Best Of CLL #1510 But I looked it up on the Internet. You doctors have become obsolete. I looked it up on the Internet. And it said it should be, you know, it could be some, but you should look at it the same way. You look at there's blood in your snot or something like that.

1:30:34 Drew That's right. That's right.

1:30:35 Best Of CLL #1510 See, the Internet. There you go. I called Adam, too, and he diagnosed me as fine.

1:30:40 Drew He brought it up in here on the Internet. He did? Who do you think he's not going to bring it up?

1:30:45 Best Of CLL #1510 I didn't even tell my wife.

1:30:47 Adam I could just see me eulogizing Jimmy going, well, first he got the incredible migraines with the masturbation. We laughed that off. Then blood came out of his semen. Who knew he was going to be struck by lightning while masturbating? What a way to go. I guess we, you know, hindsight being 20-20, I guess we should have paid attention to some of the earlier signs. But what can you do now?

1:31:10 Best Of CLL #1510 I can't tell my wife any of these things because she will seize any perceived problem as a reason not to have sex with me. That's not her fault. You know, oh no, we can't. You've got to, you know, become a whole deal.

1:31:21 Adam Right. Yeah. You'll give her some blood borne disease. All right. All right. Let's take a break. We'll be right back.

1:31:28 Hello. This is your radio. Love Line will be right back.

1:31:34 Adam All right. Well, fellas, that is it. I want to remind everyone to support our, and I think of Jimmy's a friend of the show. And as you know, we want to support our friends. So I'll tell you one more time, Comedy Central, The Man Show, Sunday nights at 10 o'clock.

1:31:49 Best Of CLL #1510 Well, you know, you guys are terrific and you're a terrific team. And I mean, I really think this is going places. I'd like to see the two of you put the show on television.

1:31:59 Adam Well, we have talked about it.

1:32:00 Drew We're looking for the right, I don't know if that'll work.

1:32:02 Best Of CLL #1510 The right venue.

1:32:04 Adam Yeah. Well, we'll discuss it. I want to thank Tara. Don't call me. No, Tara. Don't call me Tara, God damn it, for doing a great job on the phones all week. And Damian for doing allegedly a good job on the phones. At least that's what he claims. I want to thank producer Anne, even though I'm not sure where she is. And of course, Anderson, whose magic is done on a nightly basis. The Lauren. Behind the boards. And of course, Lauren for bringing her dog in here and bugging the guests. So until next time. Anne Pan Pan, the biggest pain pain I've ever met. In the ass ass. In the ass ass. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:32:46 Caller I really don't know what you see in Jimmy. He's like hairy and fat.

1:32:51 Best Of CLL #1510 I dare you.

1:32:52 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or the station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, December 25, 2001