Episode 1000737054285

0:15 Voiceover 1-800-LOVE-191 Love Line starts now.

0:21 Voiceover Everybody, Loveline, indeed 1-800-LOVE-191. Rob Schneider with me again tonight. Yes, ready for more.

0:28 Drew Very excited.

0:28 Rob Schneider And we've been sort of piecing you together as the week goes on. I've learned that you don't like women that have been touched by other males.

0:34 Drew Yeah, yeah, who wants that?

0:35 Rob Schneider Or any evidence that they may have ever been touched by other males.

0:37 Rob Schneider Yeah, yeah, right.

0:38 Rob Schneider Yeah. There was a little reference to sort of shaving last night that sounded a little interesting. And then there was all the issue with the prostate the night before. So a picture is emerging.

0:49 Rob Schneider It's coming into focus.

0:49 Drew Well, we'll find out maybe more tonight.

0:51 Rob Schneider I certainly hope so.

0:52 Drew We'll just keep building.

0:52 Rob Schneider How's your day going?

0:54 Drew It was good. It was good. Everything, you know, smooth.

0:58 Rob Schneider You were sore last night from training.

1:00 Drew Yeah, I actually took the day off. I was just so out of it yesterday. I felt it affected the show last night. I went to the Huntington Library.

1:06 Rob Schneider It's a great place, right?

1:07 Drew Unbelievable.

1:08 Rob Schneider You live there?

1:09 Drew Yeah.

1:11 Rob Schneider But it's an awesome place.

1:12 Drew It is fantastic.

1:13 Rob Schneider Did you go to the library itself, not just the art part?

1:15 Drew Yeah, it's spectacular.

1:16 Rob Schneider I mean, the Gutenberg Bible is sitting there. It's a lot of Audubon's original works, paintings sitting there.

1:22 Drew Incredible.

1:23 Rob Schneider Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. Oh, there she wrote it right there.

1:26 Drew It's amazing.

1:27 Rob Schneider Right?

1:27 Drew Did you read the original? No, I didn't read that.

1:29 Rob Schneider They have some of the letters from Lincoln and Washington, just crazy archives. And the Red Sea Scrolls were there for a long time.

1:34 Drew Well, yeah, I missed that. I want to touch some of that stuff, though. I'm going to see if I can throw my celebrity weight around.

1:39 Rob Schneider Get in there and open up the book.

1:40 Drew Let me touch that Bible there. How much does that work? No, it's a pretty remarkable place. The gardens are fantastic.

1:45 Rob Schneider Amazing. You spent the days contemplating things.

1:49 Drew Yeah, and I'm glad that they charge 15 bucks to get in, so I actually joined membership so that it's not... But 15 bucks, I like that because it keeps a riff-raff out.

1:58 Rob Schneider So people around the country know what this is. This is one of the great robber barons of all time.

2:04 Drew It really was. Basically, what the United States... This guy, Huntington, ran the Southern Pacific Railroad. He's one of the main guys, him and another guy. But basically, the government had to deal with him. If they paid for the railroad to be put in, which was a fortune, they would give him land on both sides. And so basically, they would manipulate and force towns along the way to give them stuff, pay them money, or whatever, or give them land or whatever, or just basically demand things from them. If they didn't get it, they would go around their town and turn them into a ghost town.

2:42 Rob Schneider Right, they'd create another town of their own.

2:44 Drew So this guy was a real bastard thief, but he ended up doing something good with it, where what are you gonna do? You can't take it with you. So the last, I think, eight years before he died, he decided to make these fantastic botanical gardens.

2:55 Rob Schneider So in Sanrio, California, he built a library where some of the world's greatest original manuscripts lay, and then he set up a house, which ended up being an art museum.

3:05 Drew Yeah, with some nice pieces of art. I mean, it's a little aristocratic English for my taste. I don't really love it, but... Gainsborough, Lawrence, some nice pieces. He's got a Rodin in his smoking room sculpture. But yeah, I mean, he had decent taste, and his place is a little sterile for my taste, but what a great garden.

3:25 Rob Schneider So it operates a monument to his life. It's going to be less sterile.

3:30 Drew More welcoming. There will be more pot plants in my garden.

3:33 Rob Schneider A little more marijuana. You know, they have something there that like blossoms every 10 years or something that smells like S.

3:40 Drew Really?

3:40 Rob Schneider It's this famous huge, it looks like something out of a little shop of horrors.

3:44 Drew And it smells terrible?

3:44 Rob Schneider And it pollinates by attracting flies, thousands of flies.

3:49 Drew Really?

3:49 Rob Schneider And people line up to walk by and smell it. It smells like a giant pile of dog dew.

3:55 Drew Wow. I'm glad I live close by. I hope that I can go and sit in that.

4:00 Rob Schneider What motivated you to go in there?

4:02 Drew Just writing a new movie and I just wanted to go and hang out there.

4:05 Rob Schneider You filmed some stuff in there, haven't you?

4:06 Drew Yeah, we filmed the hot chick on the balcony of the house there, which is beautiful.

4:12 Rob Schneider And Farley did some films in there, too. They did in the Japanese gardens, that one where he was a ninja.

4:18 Drew Oh yeah, he did the ninja movie there.

4:20 Rob Schneider There you go.

4:22 Drew What was the ninja movie? Black Ninja or no? I don't know.

4:26 Rob Schneider I remember it was with the girl who is now in Desperate Housewives.

4:29 Drew That's right.

4:30 Rob Schneider Nicole, Nicollette Sheridan.

4:31 Drew Classic hottie.

4:32 Rob Schneider And she was one of my favorite guests on Loveline, the TV show. Really?

4:36 Drew Why was that?

4:37 Rob Schneider Because she was sort of in between in her career and she came out and was sort of...

4:41 Drew She's had a few in between careers.

4:43 Rob Schneider Which is amazing, right? And was sort of diva-esque in how she presented herself and then sat down and then the Loveline call started coming and she just dug right in. Did not miss a beat. She just like, okay, here we go.

4:53 Drew Well, she never come off as shy.

4:55 Rob Schneider No, but it was, it was, but it was honest. It was a real, it wasn't just, it wasn't flamboyant or anything. It's just like, okay, we got to dig in and ask these questions. Which is what we're going to do right now. This now is Sarah, who's 20.

5:06 Drew Hi Sarah.

5:07 Hi.

5:08 Rob Schneider Hey, what's up?

5:11 Rob Schneider Hello.

5:12 Rob Schneider You're on the air.

5:13 Drew Hey, what's going on Sarah?

5:14 Rob Schneider You're on.

5:15 Rob Schneider Rob, you're awesome. Oh my gosh.

5:17 Drew Thank you. How are you doing, Sarah? You're in Texas.

5:20 Rob Schneider Yes, I am.

5:21 Drew So what's going on?

5:22 Rob Schneider It's freezing. No, I have a girlfriend and we've been together for like off and on for like four months. I just got out of another serious relationship. And she's like very domineering.

5:37 Drew Now, this is a gay relationship?

5:39 Rob Schneider Yes.

5:40 Rob Schneider Okay.

5:40 Rob Schneider Was that was the previous one you just got out of also with a girl?

5:43 Rob Schneider Yes.

5:44 Rob Schneider Okay.

5:44 Rob Schneider And what do you mean domineering? What do you mean domineering? What does that mean?

5:48 Rob Schneider Very dominatrix. She has her way with me. And I mean, I live her. I mean, because, you know, it feels good. And I'm like, hell, yeah, you know. And but then she gives me like a guilt trip like, and she's like, well, why do you let me do that? And are you weak and this and that? And I'm like, I don't understand.

6:07 Rob Schneider One of the things about being needing to be overpowering like that is sometimes you want to be on both sides of that coin.

6:14 Drew Yeah.

6:14 Rob Schneider A person who does the overpowering also wants to be overpowered. And I wonder if she's trying to evoke something from you.

6:21 Drew Yeah.

6:22 Rob Schneider Sometimes, not always, but I do see a lot of people that way. Are you up for that?

6:27 Drew Do you ever want to just tie her up and beat the crap out of her sometimes?

6:31 Rob Schneider No, we don't beat each other up.

6:34 Rob Schneider Like we have like...

6:35 Drew Well, take your time. You got to build to that. You know, you don't want to do that right away. What fun would it be if you beat each other up on them?

6:40 Rob Schneider What does she do to you? Yeah.

6:42 Drew What kind of things, what kind of dominatrix do you do?

6:45 Rob Schneider She like, when we're having sexual choke me and we have like leather straps and she'll strike it across my back a couple of times, the whole tying up and...

6:55 Drew You like that? That's exciting for you?

6:57 Rob Schneider Oh yeah.

6:58 Drew Okay.

6:59 Alright. Alright.

7:00 Drew But it's a...

7:00 Rob Schneider Yeah, and she's like... She... I don't see her evoking it in any way. Because she keeps her clothes on at all times. I can't touch her.

7:09 Drew Ever?

7:11 Rob Schneider Ever. I haven't. And it's...

7:12 Drew You haven't touched her? You've never touched her sexually?

7:16 Rob Schneider No.

7:17 Drew Okay. How long has this relationship been going on? And do you know this is a girl? It could be a guy.

7:21 No, wait. It's a girl. It's a girl. Alright. Alright. Okay.

7:24 Drew Wait a minute. No, no, no. So you've never actually... How long has this... Have you been seeing this person?

7:28 Rob Schneider For about four months.

7:29 Rob Schneider Okay.

7:30 Drew Four months. And in four months, when you fool around, she fools around and touches you, right?

7:34 Rob Schneider Oh yeah.

7:35 Rob Schneider Okay.

7:36 Drew She touches you. You enjoy it. But she never allows you... What happens when you try to touch her?

7:41 Rob Schneider She'll grab my hand and throw it up.

7:44 Rob Schneider It doesn't... When you're not getting into this S&M stuff, isn't there a time when she wants to be touched?

7:50 Drew Yeah.

7:50 Rob Schneider Like here recently, she started like pulling down her pants and like feeling like skin. I felt her skin, you know, but...

7:58 Rob Schneider During the whole ritual. But how about just in... When the sort of the referee blows the whistle and it's halftime, you know what I'm saying?

8:06 Change sides. Let's go. Let's go, team.

8:08 Drew Come on over here. And she just doesn't want to do that, huh?

8:11 Rob Schneider No, not yet. I don't know if it's like her...

8:14 Rob Schneider That sounds... I'm reading Rob's mind. It's bizarre. What did you say? It's kind of bizarre?

8:19 Drew It is bizarre. Let me just put a little button there. If this is a real call, which I think it is.

8:23 Rob Schneider I think so too.

8:23 Drew I believe this too. I think, in my uneducated actor opinion... Now you know that I'm a professionally trained actor. Yes. I'm going to say that this woman that she's seeing is a lesbian who's had relationships with men and has affected her or has been abused and her sexuality is she's not allowed to letting herself be sexual.

8:46 Rob Schneider You're talking about Sarah?

8:47 Drew I'm talking about her friend.

8:48 Rob Schneider Her friend. So her friend is not gay. She just likes beating people up?

8:51 Drew Well, no, no. I think her friend is gay, but I think her friend has had relationships with guys or been abused by a guy.

8:56 Rob Schneider Oh, I see.

8:57 Drew And so that that is preventing her from feeling sexual in this way. And I think so.

9:02 Rob Schneider How about that? How about the fact that she may have been abused or brutalized by men at some time and therefore sex, her being sexual is sort of scary for her.

9:11 Rob Schneider Yeah. Well, she was abused when she was younger, but she's not.

9:14 Bingo! From way downtown, from 30 feet, he shoots scars.

9:19 Rob Schneider So she has a lot of issues related to that, right?

9:23 Drew So therefore, if she allowed herself to be sexual, she's going to identify that with that abuse or that...

9:29 Rob Schneider Well, she... But in a way...

9:30 Rob Schneider I mean, he's really sexual. I mean, but...

9:33 Drew With you. But she won't allow herself to be touched.

9:35 Rob Schneider Yeah.

9:36 Rob Schneider Well, it's the strange thing about the human being, right? That if something happens that traumatizes us, it sort of gets... it gets structured into our brain and we go forward reenacting that same behavior. So now here she is being the perpetrator on Sarah.

9:49 Drew Right. So basically, Sarah, what she's saying to you is, why are you... when she says, why are you allowing me to do that, she's basically saying to herself, why am I doing... why did I get allowed? Why did they... why did I allow that person to do it to me?

10:02 Rob Schneider Right.

10:03 Drew So that's what's happened.

10:03 Rob Schneider Why am I doing this? Why don't you stop me?

10:05 Drew She's projecting that.

10:06 Rob Schneider Very conflicted, Sarah.

10:07 Drew Either way, I think you should videotape this stuff and put it on the Internet.

10:10 Rob Schneider I'm concerned about this relationship, but you seem happy for right now. You're 20.

10:13 Drew Yeah, you're just having fun, but this is obviously not going to go anywhere.

10:16 Rob Schneider I hope not.

10:16 Drew You need to find some really nice girl who likes you for you and wears lipstick and who also lets you beat her, okay? I think that's a good first call.

10:28 Rob Schneider Jen, 21.

10:30 Drew Hi Jen. Hi babe.

10:31 Hi, how are you guys?

10:33 Okay, so it's kind of a strange question, but I'm on birth control and I've been having sex with my boyfriend for four months.

10:41 Drew Yeah, woo, winner.

10:42 Yes, I'm sorry.

10:44 It's just a really big difference, you know.

10:46 What's that?

10:47 It's just a really big difference without using them.

10:50 Drew Yeah, as long as you both are having, are monogamous in this relationship and you know that he doesn't have any, or you don't have any STDs, then it could be okay.

11:02 I don't know about him, I hope not.

11:03 Well, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

11:05 Drew What if you don't know? Where, how to make him wear a condom?

11:09 Caller No, I really know, I do know. We're monogamous and we've been together for like six months now, but my question is...

11:14 Drew Alright, I'll go with that. Okay, go ahead.

11:16 Rob Schneider What's your question?

11:18 Caller My question is, every time he comes inside of me, like maybe like four or five minutes later, weird burning and I've been checked out, I don't have any STDs, I can't explain it by anything else, and I was reading something and it sounded like there's a potential allergy to semen, and I thought, that's really weird, who can be allergic to sperm, but I wanted to know if there is...

11:39 Drew I am, by the way. Keep it away from me.

11:42 Rob Schneider That's just an aversion. That's all I'm saying.

11:44 Rob Schneider Allergies feels like an allergy.

11:46 Drew I feel the need to run away.

11:49 Rob Schneider So Jen, there are allergic reactions to sperm that sort of can impede the sperm's ability to get up into the cervix and the uterus and stuff, the sort of an immune attack, but the actual allergy that people talk about, meaning it's called a histamine reaction, where the histamine is released and causes swelling and burning, that kind of thing, from the exposure to semen is rather rare. Much more likely is that you're causing just some irritation from excessive activity.

12:13 Drew Well, I was thinking, are you having sex for four hours and then he does his business in you?

12:19 Caller We've gone for a while before. It can get rowdy.

12:22 Drew Yeah, but not that often, right? So you're saying, like, something... Okay.

12:25 Caller But I just thought, that's really weird, that it would burn every time.

12:29 Rob Schneider How long is it normally that you guys go at it?

12:32 Caller Normally? On a normal night, like, maybe 25, 30 minutes, which is normal.

12:37 Rob Schneider That'll give you burning right there.

12:38 Drew Yeah, yeah.

12:39 Rob Schneider Any more than 10 minutes can give you burning.

12:40 Drew Let me just throw something out of here.

12:42 Rob Schneider Why do you have to go to an allergy when you've got obvious... whatever.

12:46 Drew Well, how about this? Do you guys get together like one day a week?

12:51 Caller Oh, no. It's more than that. I mean, we've been together for six months and we still have sex three to four times a week.

12:56 Rob Schneider Okay.

12:57 Drew Well, then this shouldn't be happening then.

12:59 Rob Schneider No, no. If they're going that long, they shouldn't be having sex that long, which shouldn't be happening.

13:03 Rob Schneider Yeah, yeah.

13:03 Drew It makes us look bad.

13:04 Caller The trick is it doesn't happen until... it doesn't burn at all until after he's done. It's fine the whole time.

13:09 Rob Schneider Right. That's right. But the semen is irritating slightly and it didn't cause some irritation from all the friction and now you put something in there and it burns.

13:18 Caller So is there any way to get around that besides...

13:20 Drew Well, let me ask you, what about wearing it going back to a condom or one of those expensive condoms?

13:25 Rob Schneider Or you can pull out, you can pull out or you can slow down a little bit on the actual intercourse part.

13:32 Drew Get one of those, I got an ask for it, Jen, get one of those tattoos just right above your back, right above the butt, give them some to aim more, and then no more burning.

13:43 Caller Maybe I should get a big X mark to spot right here.

13:45 Drew No, get something better than that. Get something kind of...

13:48 Rob Schneider A big sun.

13:49 Drew Yeah, yeah, something attractive. Something no one else has. Yeah, no one else has those. But anyway, I don't have an answer to that.

13:56 Rob Schneider Dr. Drew, you've been checked out. The allergies are so... really are unusual.

14:00 Drew How long does the burning last?

14:02 Rob Schneider And if you were just having had sex for five minutes and then this was happening, we'd be going down a different path. But 25, 30 minutes, that's plenty.

14:08 Caller Right. But even when it isn't that long, it still burns just as badly. And the burning doesn't hit until three or four minutes after we're done.

14:15 Drew And how long does it last?

14:17 Caller Um, I don't know, five, ten minutes. And usually I just like jump in the shower and rinse myself off and try and get rid of the sting. So... But then I read something that said that you can do like a gradual, like getting used to semen allergies, like you can be exposed to it in large quantities or something.

14:33 Rob Schneider What medical journal did you read this in?

14:35 Caller Wow. Oh, it's SoundTour. Well, it was on the Internet. Of course, you can't believe what you read on the Internet, but...

14:41 Drew I believe everything I read on the Internet. I do. Just in case.

14:44 Yeah, that's right.

14:45 Drew Well, all right. Well, you know what? Sounds like you got it all under control there, Jeff.

14:50 Rob Schneider An allergy wouldn't get better with taking a shower either. But hot water does to reduce irritation. Okay? Okay. Thank you. I wouldn't be so unclear. I mean, it's possible, but I wouldn't be going down that path, especially.

15:01 Drew That was, you know, maybe not the weirdest call, but it's certainly the grossest.

15:05 Rob Schneider She was so happy about it, too. It was certainly... Delightful. Sky 18.

15:09 Drew Women put up with a lot.

15:11 Rob Schneider They do. They really put up with a lot.

15:12 Drew Yes.

15:12 Rob Schneider And they don't really have to.

15:13 Drew If I was having sex with a girl and I was burning... I'm sorry. That relationship is over. Get out of the house. You're never doing that again.

15:20 Rob Schneider If any of your friends had delivered a baby, your male friends, would the species go forward? No.

15:27 Drew We'd have no problems. You know what? If my pee hole felt like it was getting swabbed from having sex with a particular person, that relationship is over. I don't know how Jen can put up with that. It's just a simple thing. Guys will not put up with that. Women continue to put up.

15:41 Rob Schneider On behalf of guys too. It's not like it's for themselves.

15:44 Drew Yeah.

15:44 Rob Schneider Well, he wants to have sex for 25 minutes.

15:45 Drew It feels better for him. So I'm going to let him hit me over the head with that. What's up?

15:53 Rob Schneider Hi Dr. Drew. I love you. You've helped me through so much stuff in my life. It isn't even funny.

15:58 Rob Schneider Oh, God bless you.

16:00 Rob Schneider What's happening?

16:01 Rob Schneider What's up? Well, I just turned 18.

16:05 Rob Schneider Yeah.

16:07 Rob Schneider I'm a senior in high school. Yeah.

16:09 Drew You're a senior in high school. Then what?

16:12 Rob Schneider That's the only fun of the way I talk, right?

16:14 Drew All right. Yeah.

16:15 Rob Schneider I love Puerto Rico.

16:17 Rob Schneider And I've been through so much stuff since I was little.

16:20 Rob Schneider What happened?

16:21 Rob Schneider Like I was in foster care.

16:23 Rob Schneider Oof.

16:24 Rob Schneider Why were you taken out of the home?

16:26 Rob Schneider My parents had a lot of substance abuse and all that happy mess.

16:30 Rob Schneider In addition to being addicted, were they violent or chaotic or neglectful?

16:34 Towards each other.

16:35 Rob Schneider Yeah.

16:36 Drew Towards each other. How about to you?

16:39 Rob Schneider Not really to us.

16:41 Rob Schneider We were. We were around a lot of scary stuff though.

16:43 Rob Schneider Yeah.

16:44 Drew Were you ever sexually abused?

16:46 Rob Schneider No. Well.

16:47 Rob Schneider That came later.

16:48 Rob Schneider Um, yeah.

16:49 Rob Schneider That was a neighbor.

16:51 Rob Schneider No. When I was 14, I hung out with some people that really weren't the best people to be around.

16:57 Rob Schneider Well, cool that you know that now. That's good. And thank God it wasn't nine.

17:01 Rob Schneider Okay.

17:01 Drew Now, are you taking any substances right now?

17:05 Rob Schneider Right now?

17:06 Rob Schneider Yeah. Right this second.

17:07 Drew Well, no. Have you been taking substances the last month?

17:10 Rob Schneider Last month, no.

17:11 Rob Schneider Yeah. No, no, no.

17:12 Drew What substances have you been taking? You're not taking anything right now?

17:15 Rob Schneider No.

17:16 Rob Schneider In recovery?

17:18 Rob Schneider I experimented. Like, never really nothing heavy. I've never.

17:22 Rob Schneider All right. Okay.

17:23 Drew Okay. So what's the deal?

17:24 Rob Schneider What's the question?

17:25 Rob Schneider Well, like, and I've had such a horrible bunch of junk, like, piled on my plate.

17:32 Rob Schneider Yes.

17:32 Rob Schneider And I've always taken, like, a trupe up. But now, I'm a senior in high school. I'm doing great. I passed my MCAT. I'm taking my ACT.

17:41 Rob Schneider Pass your what?

17:42 Rob Schneider MCATS. That's our, okay, yeah, okay. We have to take the graduate from high school.

17:47 Rob Schneider Okay.

17:47 Rob Schneider And I passed it. So it's a really hard test.

17:50 Rob Schneider Great.

17:50 That's good.

17:52 Rob Schneider Like, teachers are...

17:52 Drew You can hear in your voice that even made you feel good. So go on.

17:55 Rob Schneider This is all good.

17:56 Rob Schneider I passed my MCAT, and I'm taking my ACT, and I'm applying for college, and I have a wonderful boyfriend. But just it, right now, I feel like everything is falling apart.

18:05 Rob Schneider Yeah.

18:06 Rob Schneider Like nothing's going to hold together, and everything's going to fall off underneath me.

18:09 Rob Schneider That is a very common feeling when you've been through this kind of chaos much of your life. Not only are you at risk for depression, not only will you probably have sort of post-traumatic stress type symptoms, but just inside you feel very fragile and fragmented. And when you're taken on a lot, it feels like you're barely holding it together.

18:26 Drew Sky, I felt exactly the same thing when I finished Deuce Bigelow, European Gigolo. I felt, what's going to happen now?

18:33 Where am I going to get my marijuana?

18:35 Drew How am I going to leave all illegal prostitution? I mean, I don't, so I know exactly what you're going through, Sky. You just have to suck it up. No, well, I mean, but you are, the thing is, sometimes you can't take it a day at a time or whatever. All you can do is just be present and just, you know, you're doing good. I can hear it in your voice. You're excited about the ACT. It seems like you're excited about this guy you have in your life. So what do you, what do you depress about what you think? How is it going to fall apart in your eyes?

19:06 Rob Schneider I don't know. It's just everything is always, it's going good for a while and then everything's got kind of up underneath me and I guess...

19:12 Rob Schneider All right. Have you ever had therapy?

19:14 Rob Schneider Yeah, continuously. Doesn't really help.

19:16 Rob Schneider So you've got, so you have a therapist now?

19:18 Rob Schneider Yeah.

19:19 Drew That's great.

19:20 Rob Schneider That is great. And...

19:21 Drew Can I get the number?

19:22 Rob Schneider That is somebody that you should learn to lean on and take these feelings to. And because really what this ultimately is, is internal turmoil. You feel fragile and you are in fact very sort of fragmented inside. And so holding together a big apparatus on the outside feels overwhelming. Okay.

19:39 Drew Now, obviously, you know, you know, Dr. Drew, I'm a professional actor. Yeah. So I know what I'm talking about for mental health. Yes. So here's the situation. Go ahead.

19:47 Rob Schneider I've had a few experiences.

19:48 Drew I've had a few. I've had a few experiences.

19:50 Rob Schneider Most actors, right?

19:51 Drew Here's the deal. There's some trauma. I admit that. Now, here's what I'm thinking was Sky from Massachusetts. She's had this bad experience that did happen to her. I mean, the bottom did get dropped out from under her. She ended up going foster care. And so in the back of her mind, she's thinking that it's A, going to happen again or she'll just have the feeling it's happening when it's not happening.

20:10 Rob Schneider There is that tendency to sort of expect the future to present itself. But the real issue here is when she was growing up, she didn't get what she needed to develop regulatory flexible systems so she can feel okay moment to moment. People that go through these kinds of histories can't regulate their feelings. So she needs to rebuild that whole system.

20:28 Drew So she's got this thing where sometimes it could be great and then the next minute she's depressed and she can't get back to that feeling. She doesn't have control over it. That's interesting.

20:36 Rob Schneider Exactly. They get stuck in the duration and intensity of bad feelings are excessive, they're prolonged, and it makes people feel incompetent and then their self-esteem drops. And they literally should, well that's what therapy would do for her, just sitting there letting that person help you. You literally, Sky, would use your therapist brain as something to help heal your own and regulate your own.

20:56 Drew To make you realize that the perception isn't the reality.

20:58 Rob Schneider And real quickly, one more call with Danielle here, 17. This is specifically for Rob. Go ahead, Danielle.

21:03 Rob Schneider Hi, Danielle.

21:04 Rob Schneider What? What?

21:05 Drew What's going on, hon?

21:08 Rob Schneider Yeah, when I go in the shower, I have the urge to like go under the faucet and like, I don't know, just have it.

21:17 Drew Who's making you do that? Okay, go ahead.

21:20 Rob Schneider No, no one's making me do that.

21:21 Rob Schneider This is really tempting. And when I do that, it feels really good. And for some reason, I'm just wondering why it feels better than sex.

21:30 Drew Because you're, how old are you?

21:32 Rob Schneider 17.

21:33 Drew So, and how old are the guys you're with?

21:37 Rob Schneider There's been a variety of ages.

21:39 Drew Oh, good, good for you.

21:40 Rob Schneider How old?

21:42 Drew Around your age?

21:43 Rob Schneider I'm 17.

21:45 Drew All right, now, how old are the guys?

21:48 Rob Schneider Um, there's been 20 years.

21:50 Rob Schneider Who's the range? Oof.

21:52 Rob Schneider Um, there's been guys my age.

21:55 Drew All right, okay, first of all, Danielle, if you're sleeping with guys your age, yeah, honestly, getting hit on the head with a soccer ball isn't gonna feel better than most of your sexual experiences because they don't know what they're doing. They're idiots at your age. So, of course, the shower is gonna feel good. It lasts longer. It can actually stay in one area without moving around. It isn't so selfish trying to please itself. So it makes perfect sense at that showerhead. What's the name of the showerhead so we can give it some publicity? Is it a regular showerhead? Is it something you got at Costco or?

22:25 Rob Schneider It's not the showerhead. It's the faucet. She likes to put, see, the spigot. The what? The spigot. She had the bathtub. Yeah, that's a good one.

22:31 Drew Oh, yeah, no, no, no. That's good. There's some good force there. You should feel good about that.

22:36 Rob Schneider It's fine. It's healthy. It's good. But the question here becomes, if sex is so unsatisfying to you, why all these different partners? Yeah. Yeah.

22:45 Drew I mean, that seems more interesting than the shower head.

22:47 Rob Schneider Right.

22:48 Drew Or the faucet.

22:49 Rob Schneider You'd rather be with the shower head, yet you keep going on with all these. Yeah.

22:53 Drew Well, who are these guys? And how many guys are you having unprotected sex?

22:58 Um, sometimes.

23:00 Rob Schneider Oh, good.

23:01 Drew Well, then you're on your way. Well, why is that? What are you thinking about? Why are you having unprotected sex?

23:10 Um, I don't know.

23:11 Rob Schneider Just sometimes we don't really have the time to get the condom or something.

23:16 Drew Yeah, yeah. Definitely. It's up to him, isn't it, really?

23:19 Rob Schneider Why don't you pack condoms? Why don't you keep them with you? A. And B. Why all the different guys if it's so unsatisfying?

23:26 Rob Schneider Um, I don't know why a lot of guys...

23:29 Drew How many guys?

23:31 Rob Schneider Um, like, seven.

23:33 Rob Schneider Why don't we knock it off? Maybe try to find a relationship.

23:36 Drew Yeah, I mean, how long do you go out with this guy until you have sex with him? Is it the first date?

23:41 Rob Schneider Um, no. Rarely.

23:43 Drew Rarely. Rarely is the first date.

23:45 Rob Schneider I've never done that, actually. No.

23:46 Drew You've never done that?

23:48 Rob Schneider I think the shortest amount of time before I've had sex with someone was probably about a month.

23:54 Rob Schneider Okay.

23:54 Drew All right, well, that sounds a little better. There's a tad bit of self-esteem creeping its way into your system.

23:59 Rob Schneider By the way, one of the great ironies of humans is that women with very low self-esteem have sex with lots of guys. You know, guys with very high self-esteem have sex with lots of girls.

24:09 Drew Wow.

24:10 Rob Schneider That's well proven.

24:11 Drew I love that. Well, you know what, though? I still don't understand in this day and age the thing about the condoms.

24:18 Rob Schneider No condoms.

24:18 Drew I don't understand. It's hard, huh? Listen, you know what we're going to do, Danielle? You should get like, let your left armpit hair really grow really long, and then I want you to get a needle and thread, and I want you to take like a six-pack of condoms, a six-pack, and just sew them into your armpit hair. So you'll always have it there. You'll always have it.

24:37 Rob Schneider Good times.

24:37 Drew You know?

24:39 Rob Schneider And here's the deal, though, is that she needs to really think about all these different partners, she needs to be practicing safe sex.

24:45 Drew Or have a relationship. I mean, it seems like even a month. Go out to a movie, go do something, there's more to life than...

24:54 Rob Schneider And greed, and in the meantime, stick with that spigot, forget about the guy, it's much more satisfying.

25:00 Drew You're on to something there, stick with the spigot, and just try to have a relationship with that guy without banging him, just for two months. Let's mix it up.

25:08 Rob Schneider That voice, the gentleman advising that young 17-year-old not to bang guys is Rob Schneider. He is Deuce Bigelow, European Jigglelope, out on DVD Tuesday, November 29th. You guys know him from 8 Crazy Nights, Waterboy, Big Daddy, Little Nicky, Hot Chick, Deuce Bigelow's, Mr. D's, it keeps going on Saturday Night Live, of course, and up next, Bench Warmers, which tested very well yesterday.

25:28 Drew Yes, that's the rumor.

25:30 Rob Schneider I'm looking forward to that. So we're going to take a little break here. I'll be back with Rob Schneider after this. Excuse me.

25:35 Drew Yo, don't go nowhere.

25:48 Rob Schneider Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. And just to recap here, Rob Schneider is in the studio, and we've learned prostate massage is good, condom is good, excess body hair bad, other men having touched any females bad, a pretty good sense of trauma, when you're traumatized, what happens.

26:09 Drew I'm kind of into it. You're kind of into it. Water faucet, water spigot, or whatever it is, good, very good.

26:13 Rob Schneider Spigot, better than JO., 17-year-old male.

26:15 Drew That last girl, yes, well, got it from Bed Bath & Beyond, or just from Checking.

26:20 Rob Schneider Talked her off the air, got that straightened out, it's good. I thought it was Speakman. Shane, 26, Shane.

26:26 Drew Hi, Shane. Denver, Shane in Denver, you still there?

26:32 Caller Wow.

26:34 Rob Schneider Let's then go to Jason, 25, Jason.

26:36 Drew Hey, Jason, what's up, man?

26:38 Hey, how's it going?

26:39 Drew Good, good. You're in Oklahoma. What's going on over there?

26:44 Caller Nothing. It's Oklahoma.

26:46 Rob Schneider Managing to miss some of those tornadoes that ripped through the Midwest yesterday.

26:50 Rob Schneider Really?

26:50 Rob Schneider A bunch of them.

26:51 Rob Schneider Wow.

26:52 Drew I got to start watching the news.

26:54 Rob Schneider What's going on there, buddy?

26:55 Drew What's going on there?

26:56 Caller Well, I got a question for you.

26:58 Rob Schneider Yeah.

26:59 All right.

27:00 Caller I don't know if it's just because I'm insecure or what the deal is, but everybody I ever date, I even to a point of being paranoid, I think I'm getting cheated on all the time.

27:09 Drew You think you are or are you?

27:12 Caller Well, I mean, every girl I have dated, except for the one I'm dating now, and one girl I dated in the past has cheated on me. I mean, I was married for four years.

27:20 Drew Well, give this one time. I mean, it's early in the relationship. It's early in it. You know what I mean? I mean, you got to get her to introduce her to some hotter guys, some hotter guy friends of yours. Did you want her to cheat or I'm sorry, I wasn't getting where you're going with this.

27:34 Caller No, I, it's like in just paranoia in the back of my mind. I can't get rid of the thought that something's going on.

27:40 Rob Schneider Yeah, you start up by saying it was nearly to the point of paranoia, and now it's kind of looking like it is purely paranoia.

27:46 Drew So have they cheated on you or not?

27:49 Caller They what?

27:49 Drew Have these, your last girlfriend cheated on you?

27:52 Rob Schneider Yes.

27:53 Drew After you broke up or while you were dating?

27:55 Caller While we were dating.

27:56 Rob Schneider What happened? What's the circumstance?

28:00 Caller Well, I had, it was kind of like a rebound girl after my divorce, and it lasted only about a month or two, but she was sleeping with one of my best friends.

28:08 Rob Schneider Okay.

28:09 Caller And when I'd been married, I've got two kids with my ex-wife, and she told me that there was a point where she wasn't even sure the first one was mine.

28:20 Rob Schneider Okay.

28:21 Drew Well, I don't know, I mean, I'm going to...

28:23 Rob Schneider Could be cultural, could be.

28:25 Drew Okay, well, stop that way. Okay, look, Jason's got this thing now. I got a theory about this, Dr. Drew. Now, if I'm attracted to the same kind of women, the same... You do? Yeah, I find myself like a certain...

28:38 Rob Schneider You like cheating women...

28:39 Drew .common... Well, no, no, no, no, not the same as him. I'm saying the same kind of women.

28:42 Rob Schneider Oh, you go for the same... Yes, yes, that's right.

28:43 Drew Yeah, I find myself, I can actually hear the voice of a woman I'm with that sounds just like the woman I dated 10 years ago.

28:49 Rob Schneider Yes, yes.

28:50 Drew So there's some commonalities.

28:51 Rob Schneider Just like mom.

28:52 Drew Yeah, maybe, but there's some things though that like if you put me in a room with 100 women, I will find the woman that has the same problems as the girls I've had that I like. So, I mean, Jason, you are attracted to these women who are messed up and you're getting something out of this or this is what you're used to. That's what you seek out.

29:10 Rob Schneider It's the only constant in your equations here, which is Jason.

29:13 Drew You.

29:14 Rob Schneider You are the only thing that is the constant. And if you're ending up in the same situations with the same kind of people, with the same kind of outcome, it's because of you.

29:22 Drew It's your behavior or something. You're looking for this. I mean, if you found a girl who probably wouldn't cheat on you, you probably wouldn't go out with her. I'm not going to go out with her. I don't know if she's going to cheat on me. You're either going to sleep with my best friend or you're out of here.

29:35 Rob Schneider So what type is that, Rob, for you?

29:36 Drew What type is that?

29:37 Rob Schneider Well, the type that you need to, what gets under your skin?

29:40 Rob Schneider Well, what do I like?

29:42 Drew I like the quiet girl who's a little.

29:44 Rob Schneider Broken?

29:45 Drew Who's a little crazy. I like the crazy artist kind of thing. I like that.

29:49 Rob Schneider So.

29:50 Drew I like to be the nurturer.

29:52 Rob Schneider You like to take care, you like to co-dependency, you like to take care of folks, that kind of thing.

29:55 Drew Yeah, absolutely.

29:55 Rob Schneider But now you like to be entertained by somebody who's like entertaining to be around?

30:00 Drew Sometimes yeah, when they're sober.

30:04 Rob Schneider How do you know when you found that, what is it, what do you feel, do you have any sense of what they're feeling?

30:09 Drew I just, I feel like comfort level.

30:11 Rob Schneider Is it a sexual attraction?

30:12 Drew Yeah, absolutely.

30:13 Rob Schneider Does that kind of thing become sexually appealing right away?

30:16 Drew Right away.

30:16 Rob Schneider Up front.

30:17 Drew Right away.

30:17 Rob Schneider And I think that's what most guys are sort of wired to do.

30:19 Drew I'm wired that way. I just, I prefer to be in a healthy relationship, to be honest with you. Somebody, you know, but it's just-

30:26 Rob Schneider So does Jason.

30:27 Drew Yeah, but however, you're attracted to who you're attracted to, but the only way to change your behavior is to change your behavior.

30:34 Rob Schneider There, wait, let me write that down.

30:37 Drew Yeah, you can show me. I'm a professional actor.

30:39 Rob Schneider The only way to change your behavior is to change your behavior.

30:42 Rob Schneider Yeah, I'm a professional actor.

30:45 Drew No, you have to change the way you're reacting.

30:47 Rob Schneider No, you're absolutely right. And here's the deal, Jason. One sort of clue that I think people can actually manage is you're going for women that do flip your cookie. The stuff that you find very exciting, guess what happens to be the women that also cheat. So what you got to do is go for sort of what Jason likes light. Yeah, not quite so exciting, but they'll still be some of those same elements.

31:08 Drew You gotta be a girl who you wouldn't look at twice because the chances are she'd be loyal to you, okay? And she wouldn't sleep with your best friend while you were in your pickup truck trying to see if your radio was working.

31:20 Rob Schneider Where is that? It's been a really good one. There we go, thank you.

31:23 Drew However, yeah, I mean, I just put this in the category of take care of yourself, make your own life better. You got two kids to worry about. Worry about them instead of, you know, and make your life better and then hopefully you'll attract somebody better in your life. I don't know.

31:39 Rob Schneider I agree. Let's try now talking to Shane once again, who's 26, Shane.

31:43 Rob Schneider What's going on? Can you hear me?

31:45 Rob Schneider We hear you.

31:46 Drew Hey, Shane, what's going on?

31:48 Rob Schneider Rob, you rock, man. I like all your movies, dude.

31:51 Rob Schneider Thank you.

31:52 Rob Schneider You're welcome. My issue is all my godfathers think I'm insane. I've always had a reputation, I would say, of being sexually open as far as, like, all the girls I've been with previously. I've had threesomes and I've always been okay with that. The girl I'm with now...

32:11 Drew Boy, you're different than everybody else.

32:13 Rob Schneider Yeah, I'm not sure that goes under the category of openness.

32:15 Drew Unless the threesome is including one as a St. Bernard, another one's a guy, and one's a turtle.

32:22 You're open, man.

32:23 Drew You're the most open guy of all the people we know.

32:25 Rob Schneider I agree with you.

32:26 You're too open.

32:27 Rob Schneider Okay, well...

32:28 Drew One of them's a pile of ants, the other one's a sheep, and...

32:32 Rob Schneider The girl...

32:33 Drew One's a koi fish...

32:34 Rob Schneider .for two years, and I'm really, really into her. She was... When we started dating, she was really modest and quiet, and...

32:42 Drew Sure.

32:43 Rob Schneider I kind of...

32:43 Drew You had to go ahead and ruin that, didn't you, Shane?

32:45 Rob Schneider Yeah, I kind of changed her a little. I opened her up to being, you know, talk... She wasn't a real talker or anything, and I've always been real aggressive with that. Not aggressive, but really into talking and fantasy, and, you know, be open and don't worry about it. Just say what you think. So I opened her up to that, and she really got into it. Well, now, she's kind of... I'm in love with the girl. I've asked her to marry me. I want to marry her.

33:08 Rob Schneider Oh, my.

33:09 Rob Schneider I'm starting to calm down.

33:10 Drew You sound like you guys are going to have a great relationship. I just got... I got great feelings for you guys.

33:14 Rob Schneider All right.

33:14 Drew Let me know which trailer park...

33:17 Rob Schneider I'm starting to calm down a little bit, and...

33:19 Rob Schneider Thank you.

33:20 Rob Schneider Okay. Okay.

33:21 Drew What's your question there, Shane? Shane?

33:24 Rob Schneider Now, she's wanting a threesome with another girl.

33:26 Rob Schneider What kind of music is that?

33:27 Rob Schneider Okay. Okay.

33:28 Drew She wants a threesome? Please tell me it's with a guy in there, a threesome. No.

33:35 Rob Schneider She wants to... She wants to f*** with another girl.

33:37 Drew Okay. She wants... That's not what you want, though, right? You want a pile of ants and a St. Bernard.

33:43 Rob Schneider I don't want it, but I think it's going to cause problems with her after it happens.

33:47 Rob Schneider How's it been for you in these other relationships when you had threesomes?

33:50 Drew It sounded like these all went very well.

33:52 Rob Schneider Well, yeah, but that's what she said. Well, why would you do it with him when you won't do it with me? The thing is, I didn't love those girls. I was just there for, you know, while I was there.

34:00 Rob Schneider You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I absolutely do.

34:02 Drew That makes sense. It's the first thing that's made sense.

34:04 Rob Schneider And realize that probably those relationships weren't going to work out in the first place, but certainly having the threesome didn't make things better, did it?

34:11 Rob Schneider No, I mean, it's going to call down later.

34:14 Rob Schneider Yes.

34:15 Drew Was alcohol or other drugs involved during these threesomes?

34:19 Rob Schneider No, I mean, just, I mean, not every time.

34:21 Rob Schneider Not every time, yeah.

34:22 Rob Schneider Not every second of every time.

34:23 Rob Schneider Not every time, I mean.

34:25 Rob Schneider Shane, what is this girl's...

34:26 Rob Schneider I think I'll calm down a little bit, and I'm ready to settle down and be married, and I don't want my wife.

34:30 Rob Schneider All right, Shane, here's the deal. Your instinct is excellent. Do not do this with this woman. However, what is her family of origin? What was her childhood like? A lot of chaos?

34:40 Rob Schneider From what I can understand, from what I see of it, her family seems pretty normal.

34:45 Rob Schneider All right, I would just examine carefully what it was that's causing her to ask for this threesome. Does she want to sabotage? Does she want to carry on this relationship?

34:55 Drew No, it's all he ever talks about. Yeah, she wants to participate. She wants to please him, and she's all about pleasing him.

35:01 Rob Schneider Such a bad instinct, though. Shane, your understanding of what this will do, your relationship is keen, it's good, it will ruin it. This is the woman you love, don't sacrifice the relationship to that. All right, this is Jamie, 21. Jamie, you're on the air. Jamie, LA. Here we go.

35:19 Drew Hi.

35:20 Rob Schneider Hi. Hi.

35:23 Rob Schneider Jamie, please turn the radio off. Greeners, you guys gotta tell them to turn the radio off.

35:26 Drew Okay, what's going on, Jamie? Jamie, come on, what's going on?

35:29 Rob Schneider Yeah, so I had a question about herpes.

35:32 Rob Schneider Yeah, go ahead.

35:33 Drew Okay.

35:34 Rob Schneider I don't know, I found something and it seems like a wart or something, but I can't tell what it was.

35:40 Rob Schneider Well, that would be a wart then.

35:42 Drew Okay.

35:43 Rob Schneider Warts look like warts.

35:44 Drew You narrowed it down.

35:45 Rob Schneider Is it like, I don't know.

35:46 Rob Schneider Herpes look like blisters?

35:49 Drew Huh?

35:50 Rob Schneider Is that like herpes, like I found something and I never saw that before and then, I don't know, suddenly.

35:56 Drew What color is it?

35:58 Caller I don't know, I can't see.

36:00 Drew All right, that's good.

36:01 Rob Schneider Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. It's like talking to Primitive Man here. Jamie, listen.

36:07 Fire good, fire good, herpe bad, sore new spot, not seen before, where come from, strange spot, not wanted on genitalia, why spot start there? Me no like spot, spot itch and hurt, me paranoid about spot, me want spot go away.

36:31 Rob Schneider Does it itch and hurt?

36:32 It doesn't itch, it doesn't hurt.

36:34 Rob Schneider Okay, her listen carefully. Okay, Jamie, stop talking and just listen. Herpes look like ulcers or blisters, like a cold sore on your mouth.

36:42 You ever burn your finger? Burn your finger?

36:45 I never had one on my mouth or my finger or nothing.

36:47 Rob Schneider All right, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, don't stop talking. Just stop talking and just take it in. It's an ulcer or a blister that hurts and burns. That is not what you're describing. You're describing a wart. A wart is the most common virus of STDs amongst STDs. About 50% of people your age have this thing.

37:04 50%?

37:05 Rob Schneider Yeah. But there's going to be a vaccine out for this for those of you that want to have sex with Jamie in the future.

37:10 But it's too late for Jamie.

37:11 Rob Schneider Too late for Jamie.

37:12 Too late for Jamie because she's got it right now. She's got the wart. She's won the wart, the genital wart lottery. Jamie, you're a winner.

37:21 Rob Schneider We call it the wart award.

37:22 What do we have for her? We have reoccurring warts to come in her future. We have it in her bloodstream for the rest of all her life.

37:27 Rob Schneider Some of them are forever and those are the ones that tend to be causing cervical cancer, but you need to go have a pap smear and take care of any precancerous lesions.

37:36 Drew Jamie, will you go to the doctor?

37:40 Rob Schneider I've been to one a couple months ago.

37:43 Drew All right. Did you have this thing when you saw the doctor?

37:47 Rob Schneider No, but I've been with a friend for a year and a half and he has never had sex before. He's been with me.

37:53 Drew All right. He's lying. Jamie, he's a liar.

37:56 Rob Schneider No, it could be. Jamie has had sex before. Jamie, you could have picked this up from one of the other guys and just it was a lot more fun to think that the guys had manifest until now. You need to go back and get this Jamie.

38:06 Drew What did you do? Will you go to the doctor?

38:09 Rob Schneider I want to.

38:11 Drew Will you? Why don't you? Why won't you?

38:13 Rob Schneider I try to make an appointment and they're like, oh, we can't see you for a month and they don't call me for a confirmation.

38:19 Rob Schneider And then Planned Parenthood. Go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

38:22 Drew There's a clinic.

38:23 Rob Schneider Go to Planned Parenthood.

38:23 Drew You're in LA. They got clinics. Just go down there. Try not to get killed when you're in the area.

38:29 Rob Schneider Yeah.

38:29 Rob Schneider All right. All right. OK.

38:31 Drew Go to a doc. Jamie, will you go to a doctor? Yeah. All right.

38:34 Rob Schneider OK.

38:35 Drew Thank you, Jamie.

38:36 Rob Schneider He won't stop.

38:37 Word, word on weird, weird, weird. Me no like word. Me like fire. Me like food. Me no like warped primitive man getting an STD.

38:50 Rob Schneider Jamie, go see the doctor. Rob Schneider in here with us tonight. His litany of accomplishments. 50 first dates. Two Spigot European Jiggle coming out DVD.

39:00 Drew I just got the book and I've been carrying it with me and I literally haven't had I've just my book. You have to crack it.

39:04 Rob Schneider You're great.

39:05 Drew But crack, crack, putting broken lives together again.

39:08 Rob Schneider To read about 50 pages. You'll like it.

39:09 Drew Okay. Now, now I love the last book. Now, but what is the the essence of the book? And what is it about putting broken lives together again? Can that work?

39:16 Rob Schneider Yeah, it's a story. It's a struggle.

39:19 Drew Isn't it a life struggle, right?

39:20 Rob Schneider Oh, yes, yes. But really what this is, it's a story about codependency. So you'll like it. You'll love it.

39:25 Drew I'm a codependent.

39:26 Rob Schneider And it's a story about fixing traumatized, broken women with addiction and what it feels like to try to do that when you're codependent. So it's a fictionalized story, but it's based on things that I see over and over and over over again in my practice.

39:38 Rob Schneider So I want to, I want to read that.

39:40 Rob Schneider Yeah. So Rob Schneider is in here.

39:41 Fix me, Dr. Drew.

39:42 Rob Schneider He will have read my book by tomorrow night.

39:44 I'm sure of that.

39:45 Rob Schneider Phone number here, 1-800-LOVE-191. Give us a call. We'll be right back. Yep.

39:51 Loveline will be back. Glad to hear it.

40:04 Rob Schneider Rob Schneider here on Loveline 1-800-LOVE-191. He's coming into sharper and sharper focus with each day.

40:10 Drew I'm getting it. You know what, doctor, we just met some on commercial break, talking about getting over things, with things like, because you'll have the ups and downs in life. A normal person will have, I say normal person is relatively maladjusted like me. However, there are people out there that can get stuck, or they can't remember that, you know, they don't go back to that good time, or they're not allowed to, and they'll just wallow in this. And that's pretty common.

40:37 Rob Schneider It's pretty common. Again, if you've not had what you need growing up in order to build a flexible system that integrates and regulates in your brain, you get stuck. Your brain won't do it.

40:46 Drew And so as an adult, you have to kind of build that.

40:48 Rob Schneider To build it, and we build it. It's with very little attention is given to this in our culture, but it's built off of relationships with other people. Yeah. That's how our brains build. And so I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about relationships. Yeah. And sex in fact doesn't build, because sex you're just using those arousal mechanisms again, try to feel good in the moment. So let's, okay, I'm going to get to the top there. I'm going to refocus what I've learned about Rob. I've learned so much about him now. Also girls that are kind of codependency or poorly. Okay. Collie828.

41:17 Drew Hey.

41:18 Hey, gentlemen. Rob, love you and the hot chick.

41:21 Drew Thank you.

41:22 Rob Schneider By the way, that really was a good film.

41:23 Drew Well, thank you.

41:24 Rob Schneider I think I've told you, I've listened to it 37 times, because it plays in my kids, and I'm one driving the car and my kids play it behind me. And I love some of the stuff in that.

41:34 Drew Well, thank you. Tom Brady was his baby, and we just wrote it together. It was funny, but we were both kind of comfortable with... I mean, that's a risky part.

41:42 Rob Schneider It's a great premise.

41:44 Drew Well, it is. You know, the idea of a guy who just has to convince people he's a girl, it was... I felt comfortable playing it. The one thing was great is whether critics liked it or hated it. Not one said they didn't believe me as a woman. So that to me was a gigantic artistic achievement.

41:56 Rob Schneider Amazing.

41:58 Drew Well, thank you for that. I appreciate it, Coley.

42:00 Thank you.

42:00 Drew What's your question?

42:01 Well, my question actually has to do with you. Like 10, 15 years ago, you're a working class stiff, you're getting into the industry in comedy and stuff, and you date a certain level of girl. Yeah. You know, for...

42:14 Drew No, you're right. Being all of five foot five, you know.

42:18 Rob Schneider Great ass, though. That's the part we figured out last time.

42:21 Drew Very nice for her.

42:22 Rob Schneider Filipino ass.

42:23 Yeah, Rob, I, you know, I look just like you, you know, and I'm a fairly OK, good looking guy, or I'm cursed one of the two. But now that you become, you know, very successful, famous, the level of girl, you're getting, you're getting beautiful, stunning models wanting to spend time with you. How, what is that like?

42:45 Rob Schneider He really desperate, a desperate plea to tell him what it is like. Please, what is that like?

42:51 Drew I will email you some photos, so they're very nice. Well, I tell you, well, you know what, you know what, I will say that when you become famous, the women who wouldn't have anything to do with you suddenly are interested in you. It's just, you know, the thing is, if you want that.

43:06 Rob Schneider How do you feel about that, though? Doesn't feel a little bit ingenuine, disingenuine?

43:10 Drew Well, I have to admit, you know.

43:10 Rob Schneider Like you've got to trust it very well?

43:12 Drew Yeah, yeah, but then at the same time, I remember when I was breaking up with one of my old girlfriends, she said to me, Rob, women are only going to go out with you now because you're famous. And I went, yeah, and the problem is, right, I know me, I'm not enough just as me, I need to be famous. But when it comes to that.

43:30 Rob Schneider No, no, that's the way guys are. Guys are, well, if I can have sex, what difference does it make? As long as I get more and better sex, that's great.

43:35 Drew But honestly, from the women I really like the most, have not been like the absolute, like, hottest to me, is the women who have the best sense of humor. Because you cannot be, whether, I don't care, you know, my friend.

43:45 Rob Schneider But that wasn't his question. That wasn't what you like best, just what's it like to have your show?

43:49 Drew It's awesome, it's awesome. No, but you know, the thing is, let me tell you something, you don't have to be famous to get unbelievably hot women. And that's just a fact. You have to be a rock star. Yes, you have to be a rock star. But let me tell you, honestly, women, smart women, I'm talking smart, beautiful women, and there are a few of them out there, believe me, they're actually more than you think. They women, and Henry Miller says this, women have the ability to overlook this thing that men get hung up on beauty. And if you're a strong, artistic man that has a confidence about that, you're gonna get women you never thought you had. So if you're living your life, and if you're, and I mean this, I'm not just saying, you don't have to be famous, but if you are, if you're having an interesting life, it's gonna attract people, and you just, if that's something that you want. But at the end of the day, beauty gets old, man. And it's gonna, you're gonna want somebody that you can hang, you can only have sex for so long during the day, and then you're gonna have to hang out with the person. And that's the thing. So I mean, at the end of the day, yes, there's some really hot women that have totally, that you could not have gone out with ever when you were, absolutely nothing to do with me.

44:52 Rob Schneider But those aren't the people you're having relationships with is the point. They're not making you happy.

44:56 Drew Well, you know what, and also, honestly, supermodels all have problems. Let me just tell you, they all have the thing, whether it's, you know, they think they're, something's wrong with their belly button or something, it's an innie when they want an outie or whatever it is. Everybody has a problem. And my buddy, Max Breen, great prop guy, one of my best buddies, he said, show me the hottest supermodel in the world. I'll show you a guy who's sick of her crap. You know, everyone has their problem. It gets old or whatever. So it may look great on the outside, but it really is.

45:25 Rob Schneider We got to take yet another break. The phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. And we'll be back to recap what we've learned about Rob Schneider. Not everyone gets on the air.

45:50 Drew So you actually screen these phone calls?

45:51 Rob Schneider There are two diligent young folks at the other end. They screen them.

45:55 Drew You mix them up like the boys and girls?

45:57 Rob Schneider Yeah, the boys and girls' ages, that kind of thing. It's Loveline, 1-800-LLVE-191. That voice you hear is Rob Schneider. And Rob is coming into exquisite focus for us now. We're learning who Rob is. Yeah, yeah. We've learned that you don't like body hair. Don't like that. Don't like women that have been touched or played by other men, or any evidence of other men having been in the vicinity.

46:17 Drew But, occasionally think about it.

46:19 Rob Schneider Not into supermodels.

46:20 Drew No.

46:21 Rob Schneider No. So, Speakman Showerheads, number one.

46:30 Drew Yeah.

46:30 Rob Schneider You hear this? Yeah. Condoms good.

46:33 Drew Condoms good.

46:34 Rob Schneider Mom, tough and tough.

46:37 Drew Strong Mom.

46:37 Rob Schneider Strong and tough. Prostate Massage good.

46:40 Drew Good. Well, you know. Be open to it.

46:42 Rob Schneider Codependent to entertaining women, shall we say.

46:45 Drew Absolutely.

46:45 Rob Schneider And women that can entertain. Okay.

46:47 Drew You got me, man.

46:48 Rob Schneider That's in one hour. So, let's see what we learn in this next hour.

46:50 Drew You should do this professionally.

46:51 Rob Schneider Because Jackie was 21. Jackie, what's going on?

46:53 Drew Hey, Jackie.

46:54 Rob Schneider Hey. Hey.

46:56 Drew What's up?

46:57 Rob Schneider I wanted to know when a male penis stops growing.

47:01 Rob Schneider About 21, age 21, but why? What are you getting at?

47:07 Rob Schneider Well, like, if it's, like, kind of little right now, it's not going to get any bigger.

47:11 If they're 23.

47:13 Drew How old is the guy you're banging?

47:15 Rob Schneider 23.

47:16 Rob Schneider How little is it?

47:18 Rob Schneider It's like an inch. No, like, three. Like, on a tape measure, it goes up to number three.

47:24 Rob Schneider Number three, meaning three inches, three centimeters.

47:27 Drew What are we talking here? Hello, Jackie.

47:32 Caller What's the question?

47:33 Rob Schneider I forget it. Is it like your pinky?

47:36 Rob Schneider Yeah, no, like, your middle finger.

47:39 Rob Schneider Your middle finger? Yeah.

47:41 Drew What's wrong with that, Jackie?

47:43 What do you have a problem with that?

47:44 Yeah.

47:46 Drew How's the girth on it? Come on, let's talk, Jackie. Is it thick enough for you? Does it please you?

47:51 Rob Schneider No, it doesn't, huh?

47:53 Rob Schneider I think I've just learned something else about Rob Schneider.

47:56 Drew Girth good.

47:57 Rob Schneider No, the middle finger thing.

47:59 Rob Schneider Okay.

47:59 Rob Schneider You seem a little outraged that you would think the middle finger was...

48:02 What's wrong with the middle finger? There's nothing wrong.

48:05 Drew Did I just do that?

48:06 Rob Schneider Okay.

48:06 Drew Let me put her back on.

48:07 Rob Schneider Well, okay.

48:08 Drew Now Jackie is going out with a guy who has a really tiny penis.

48:12 Rob Schneider How dare you? A little tiny middle finger. She said that that's big enough for anybody. Is that what you said, Rob?

48:17 Drew So are you Jackie?

48:19 Rob Schneider Yes.

48:19 Drew So does he whip it out and try to hurt you with it?

48:25 Rob Schneider No.

48:25 Rob Schneider Again, I think I've learned a little something here about how the compensation for the middle finger goes.

48:31 Drew So Jackie, so you're not satisfied sexually?

48:36 No.

48:37 Rob Schneider They're actually, believe it or not, Rob, you're going to love this.

48:40 Drew What's that?

48:40 Rob Schneider There is an operation for this. No. No, just so you know, I'm not recommending it.

48:44 Drew Guys, this is a bad idea for you.

48:46 Rob Schneider I agree with you. But I actually got scrubbed in on one of these surgeries. And what they do is they cut the tendon that holds the penis to the pubic bone. They have the guys wear a weight for a couple weeks after and it pulls it out about an inch. And then they pull the skin down and sew in basically cadaver tissue. Looks like a pop tart. Gives them another inch or so of girt.

49:02 Drew Wow, all that for another inch.

49:04 Jackie's not happy because the middle finger doesn't do it for.

49:08 Drew Well, Jackie, do you like the guy other than that? Does he make you laugh?

49:13 Rob Schneider No, he kind of has bad breath too.

49:15 Rob Schneider All right, what?

49:16 Rob Schneider I don't know how to go about saying that.

49:20 Rob Schneider How about you just sort of avoid this guy a little bit and not be available for dates?

49:24 Drew This guy, do you know what? There are other men on the planet you can go out with.

49:28 Rob Schneider Yeah, I don't think you should, nor should you really destroy this guy with continuing to think that he's sort of inadequate in so many ways.

49:34 Drew Let me just ask this. Jackie, do you make him feel bad about the size of his penis? You go, what is that? Where's the rest of it?

49:40 Good Lord.

49:41 Drew Not all you're packing, mister?

49:44 Good gosh.

49:45 Drew Do you make him feel bad?

49:47 No.

49:48 Drew Do you talk about it?

49:49 Rob Schneider No. Just with our friends.

49:51 Rob Schneider Please put that away. Use your pinky. Give me something I can feel.

49:55 Rob Schneider Now Jackie, you sound unhappy with this guy and frustrated.

49:57 Drew Go out with somebody else.

49:58 Rob Schneider But unfortunate that it has to be based on purely physical dimensions, but there you go. Heather 23.

50:04 Drew She's 21. She's an idiot.

50:05 Rob Schneider Heather.

50:06 Drew Heather, what's up?

50:07 Rob Schneider What's going on?

50:09 Rob Schneider Okay. So first of all, how are you guys?

50:12 Drew Good. How old are you, Heather? Because you sound like you're four.

50:15 Rob Schneider I'm 23.

50:16 Rob Schneider Eight. Something happened when she was eight.

50:19 Rob Schneider What?

50:20 Drew Did you have a problem when you were eight years old?

50:23 Rob Schneider No, I had no problem.

50:24 Drew Your parents divorced? All right. When did that happen? How old were you when that happened?

50:32 Rob Schneider Well, when my mom was first divorced, I was two and a half. And then she remarried. Dad adopted me and they divorced when I was a freshman in high school.

50:43 Drew Perfect.

50:44 Rob Schneider 14.

50:45 Drew Nothing wrong with that.

50:46 Rob Schneider Yeah, so it's a lot of chaos in the family, right?

50:48 Drew That would make you regress to being 14, sounding like a 14 year old. So what's going on?

50:53 Rob Schneider Well, okay, my, I've been dating a guy for a year and a half. We dated for a while, took a break. We've been dating consecutively for six months. And I am wondering why, I mean, you know, guys typically have a big sex drive. And I kind of feel neglected a little.

51:16 Rob Schneider What, what is he good for? What's he looking for?

51:19 Drew Yeah. What, what happens? How often you guys doing it?

51:22 Rob Schneider Well, not every time we hang out.

51:25 Rob Schneider I don't know. A few times a month.

51:31 Rob Schneider Six months in a relationship with 20 year olds. Is he on any medication?

51:35 Rob Schneider No.

51:36 Rob Schneider Has he got any?

51:37 Rob Schneider No, he's not an alcoholic.

51:39 Drew Any drugs or anything?

51:41 Rob Schneider He smokes a lot of pot.

51:43 Rob Schneider That'll shut you down pretty good, Heather. That pot will really shut people down.

51:47 Drew Pot will change your, what's important in your life away from what really is important, is sex.

51:53 Rob Schneider It's true. They get that same sort of nurturance fuzzy feeling from the pot and they're not really interested in much else.

51:58 Drew Yeah, it does lower your sex drive.

52:00 Rob Schneider Absolutely. It makes you depressed eventually and does lower the sex drive and really sort of, it shuts it down, really, as you're not interested in it because you're interested in what the pot does for you.

52:07 Drew How much pot is the guy smoking?

52:11 Rob Schneider A lot.

52:12 Drew Okay. Well, then that kind of makes sense. Can I ask, Heather, can I ask a question?

52:18 Rob Schneider Yes.

52:18 Drew What do you like about this guy? I mean, he's smoking pot like there's...

52:21 Rob Schneider Her dad was an alcoholic and he was an alcoholic and he was an addict, see?

52:24 Drew Was your dad smoking and drinking? Stepdad? Stepdad.

52:29 Rob Schneider Well, my stepdad?

52:30 Rob Schneider Yeah.

52:32 Rob Schneider No.

52:32 Drew How about your real dad?

52:34 Rob Schneider He was actually a cocaine dealer, alcoholic.

52:38 From way downtown, Dr. Drew sinks it from 40 feet.

52:43 Rob Schneider That's what makes her love that kind of thing.

52:45 Drew So you're used to this kind of guy who is just not there?

52:49 Rob Schneider I haven't seen my biological father since I was like four, though.

52:54 Rob Schneider Yeah, but that stuff gets set in cement in your brain. That's your sense of what you love and what you feel close to. And that's dad. And when you go out looking for dad again, that's your sense of what that is. That's locked into your brain. You have to kind of break that.

53:10 Rob Schneider I don't think I'm looking for that in him because he doesn't do coke or anything.

53:15 Rob Schneider Heather, if you weren't looking for that kind of thing, you wouldn't put up with this crap.

53:18 Drew Heather, he's the guy who only wants to have sex with you once a month. That's not normal. What do you like about him? Can I ask you that?

53:25 Rob Schneider Yes, everything. Everything else. What? He is athletic. He snowboards. I snowboard. We have so much in common. Politically, emotionally, our families are alike. We're both originally from the same state, which is not Colorado. I mean, just everything.

53:46 Drew Sounds like a deep, meaningful relationship.

53:49 Rob Schneider Yeah. I don't know, Heather. You do what you do. I would urge you to look maybe...

53:53 Drew Find another guy who's not smoking pot out of every orifice.

53:57 Rob Schneider Here's the deal. You're going to ask him to stop smoking pot? He will not be able to. Yeah, with that little 12-step help.

54:02 Drew And then he'll leave you.

54:03 Rob Schneider You can go to therapy and or 12-step codependency recovery. And maybe take a good look at this. You clearly want to be in this relationship. You clearly have a lot of things you derive that are of benefit.

54:13 Drew You guys have so much in common.

54:14 Rob Schneider You both snowboard.

54:15 Drew You're both from a different state. You have so many things in common.

54:18 Rob Schneider These are all the things that bring soulmate to mind.

54:21 Drew I mean, it's just you're perfect for each other from what I've heard. He smokes pot every day. You have sex once a month.

54:25 Rob Schneider Your dad, he was a cocaine addict. He's a marijuana addict.

54:27 Drew 12 times a year. It sounds like, Heather, you have it all figured out.

54:31 Rob Schneider I think a little talking cure might give you some perspective in what you're doing here. And maybe it's something that'll give you the opportunity to set limits with him to get him to stop smoking pot. So you can carry on normal sex life.

54:40 Drew You deserve to have a guy you're happy with.

54:42 Rob Schneider This is an amazing question. This is Sarah, who's 23. Sarah?

54:46 Drew Hi, Sarah.

54:47 Rob Schneider Hi, how are you guys?

54:48 Rob Schneider We're good. What's happening?

54:49 Drew What's up, babe?

54:50 Rob Schneider Okay.

54:51 Drew Where are you from?

54:52 Rob Schneider I'm from up in California.

54:54 Drew Where is that? Northern California?

54:56 Rob Schneider No, it's the River, Riverside.

54:58 Rob Schneider California, right?

55:00 Drew I've never heard of upland.

55:01 Rob Schneider You've never been to upland?

55:01 Drew No, I've never been to upland.

55:02 Rob Schneider You drive to Palm Springs, you drive through upland.

55:04 Rob Schneider It's a little bit north of Teno in Ontario.

55:07 Yeah.

55:08 Rob Schneider Yeah, okay. There we go.

55:09 Drew What's going on?

55:10 Rob Schneider Okay. I've been with my boyfriend for about the past six months and everything sexually has been pretty good. Pretty amazing. I enjoy it. I love him very much. Well, about five days ago, he brings up this thing that he needs to have bacon in the room. Now, when we're sexually active and that's the only way that he can, I guess, climax orgasm. And I asked him why when we were talking about it, and all he was saying was about something about the smell. He doesn't eat it. He doesn't use it when we're having sex. He doesn't do anything like that.

55:41 Rob Schneider Has he not been able to have an orgasm to this point with you?

55:45 Rob Schneider Yeah, for the past four or five days.

55:48 Rob Schneider Yes, he cannot.

55:50 Drew So you've been going out with him and everything was fine. All of a sudden he says, I can't have an orgasm anymore unless I have bacon in the room?

55:56 Rob Schneider Yes, and I just don't understand.

55:57 Drew I use that, wait a minute. Let me just push the blue button. I use that to break up with chicks.

56:01 Rob Schneider Oh, really?

56:01 Drew I have like, hey baby, I'm sorry. You know what? I can't have sex anymore unless there's a roasted pig at like 500 degrees in the living room while we're having sex and otherwise we're out of here.

56:15 Rob Schneider Being cooked by a clown.

56:16 Drew Yeah, I mean, I can't do that.

56:17 Rob Schneider Otherwise, that's it.

56:18 Drew Unless, you know, we rodeo clowns specifically. Unless you burn your house down. I just can't have sex with you anymore. I just can't do it anymore. Now, I think he's trying to break up with you. This whole bacon. I like the choice of bacon.

56:30 Rob Schneider Really? Making bacon?

56:31 Drew Because it's an interesting it's an interesting choice.

56:33 Rob Schneider Well, it's sort of a little symbolic here.

56:35 Drew So what?

56:35 George Costanza, maybe.

56:38 Drew Is this interesting? So, Sarah, now he is it the bacon cooking or what is the bacon doing? Is it just a package of bacon?

56:46 Rob Schneider It's cooked and it's just sitting on a plate next to the bed.

56:49 Rob Schneider Is his name George?

56:51 Rob Schneider What?

56:52 Rob Schneider Is his name George?

56:53 Rob Schneider No, his name is not George.

56:56 Rob Schneider Okay. Anderson, you want to ask some questions?

56:58 No, George Costanza.

57:00 Rob Schneider I know, but...

57:00 Drew Is this a Seinfeld episode?

57:02 Rob Schneider Yes. Sarah?

57:04 Well, no, in an episode George had to he wanted to eat while having sex because he liked them both so much.

57:09 I see, I see.

57:10 Drew All right, so what did you say about the bacon?

57:13 Rob Schneider I said okay, but now that I'm not getting any more answers about it, I'm kind of freaked out and I just want to...

57:19 Rob Schneider Have you done it?

57:21 Drew How was it?

57:23 Rob Schneider I guess fine. It just smelled like bacon. I don't know. I just thought it was weird. I was weirded out.

57:27 Rob Schneider Did he perform differently with the bacon in the room?

57:31 Rob Schneider I guess. I mean, he climaxed and it was great.

57:33 Rob Schneider And he'd never climaxed before with you?

57:36 Rob Schneider Yes, he has.

57:38 Rob Schneider I am back to Rob's theory.

57:40 Drew You know what? I think it's an interesting way to break up with you. I think he wants to get rid of you. And if the bacon, if that doesn't do it, he's going to come up with something else.

57:49 Rob Schneider I need a shower after this bacon call.

57:51 I need your mom to be in the room, otherwise I can't have an orgasm.

57:54 Rob Schneider We can't. I can't.

57:55 I need your mom to hold me while we're having sex. I need your grandpa to put his hand on my skirt. I need to wear a skirt and have your grandpa touching me, otherwise I can't do it with you anymore, Sarah.

58:11 Rob Schneider There are weird associations people get into, but you know, and what's weird is that they typically have trouble orgasming without those associations. Here's weird.

58:18 Drew Here's weird how Sarah puts up with that and didn't question it more.

58:21 Rob Schneider Yeah, exactly.

58:22 There you go.

58:22 Rob Schneider That's weird. Agreed. Cole 14. Germany or Florida? Hold on, Cole. We got a theme song here, Anderson.

58:29 Rob Schneider Germany or Florida?

58:31 Rob Schneider David Ongreer.

58:32 Rob Schneider Germany or Florida?

58:35 Germany or Florida?

58:40 Rob Schneider Germany or Florida?

58:43 Drew That's good.

58:43 Rob Schneider Cole, here we go.

58:45 Caller Hi.

58:46 Drew Last night I was wrong, by the way.

58:48 Rob Schneider Yeah, I was right.

58:49 Drew Okay, what do you got?

58:50 Caller I love your theme music. Okay. Police in blank got a complaint for loud and violent music at 2 a.m. Florida.

58:59 Go ahead.

59:00 Drew Yeah.

59:01 Caller When police arrived to the house, a suspicious man in all black saw the cop walking down the street and quickly turned around and quickly walked away. As the police went to the door, a man suddenly opened the door. As the police started to talk to the man, another man came to the door, holding a bag of pills and said, Are you the guys who's here for the kiddie porn? The men were arrested and the house contained hundreds of hours of child porn and crystal meth. Florida.

59:34 Rob Schneider Cold Germany or Florida?

59:37 Caller What?

59:38 Rob Schneider We say Florida. You tell us. Is it Germany or Florida?

59:41 Caller Sorry, it's Germany.

59:43 Rob Schneider Crystal meth?

59:45 Caller Yeah.

59:45 Rob Schneider Well, you should...

59:46 Drew people in Florida should be upset that that's...

59:48 Rob Schneider Loud, violent music?

59:49 Rob Schneider Laughing time is over.

59:50 Rob Schneider All right, Cole, thank you.

59:52 Rob Schneider Thank you, Cole.

59:53 Drew I love how nervous he was.

59:54 Rob Schneider I know. That was a nice little break, though, so, okay.

59:57 Drew And the man in the black was talking down and he goes to the door.

1:00:02 Rob Schneider They sound like the old Bee Gees.

1:00:04 Drew And there are no happy times when I think of Lonely Man.

1:00:10 Rob Schneider And there was Crystal Man.

1:00:13 Drew And it was not in Florida, but Germany.

1:00:18 Rob Schneider Nailah 21.

1:00:19 Drew What's up, Nailah?

1:00:21 Hi.

1:00:22 Rob Schneider What's happening?

1:00:24 Rob Schneider Yeah.

1:00:25 I've had a lot of relationship problems in the past. And I'm having I just started in the relationship and it's going really great. And things have been like completely awesome. But I can't shake this feeling that stuff is going to screw up. Something's going to go wrong because it always has in the past. I mean, I'll feel completely awesome in the beginning. And then bam, it'll hit me.

1:00:42 Drew How long you going out with him? Let me just guess.

1:00:45 I've been going out with him about.

1:00:48 Whoa, whoa, whoa, let me guess.

1:00:49 I'll let you guess. I'll let you guess.

1:00:50 Drew Two weeks.

1:00:52 Rob Schneider Four months.

1:00:53 Drew How long?

1:00:54 Five days.

1:00:55 Rob Schneider Two months.

1:00:56 Drew Two months. Okay, I'm close. I'm in the ballpark. So two months. It seems awesome.

1:01:00 Rob Schneider If you take into account the history of the world.

1:01:03 Drew Okay. All right, so Nyla. Yeah. Now, how many days into it? How many days into where you guys sleeping together?

1:01:12 How many days into it?

1:01:13 Drew Yeah. I mean, when did you start sleeping with him?

1:01:16 A month.

1:01:17 Drew You made him wait a month?

1:01:18 Yeah.

1:01:19 Rob Schneider That's good.

1:01:19 Drew That's probably why this relationship is better than the other ones. Did you usually wait a month?

1:01:25 The other ones, I didn't even sleep with them.

1:01:28 Rob Schneider Well, is this your first sexual relationship?

1:01:29 Drew It's not hard for a guy to screw you over. You're not participating.

1:01:32 Not my first sexual relationship either.

1:01:34 Rob Schneider Not your first.

1:01:34 Drew Okay, wait a minute. No, no, no. This doesn't count. Okay, this is Nyla saying she's been screwed over by guys, but you cannot say you've been screwed over by a guy unless you screw the guy.

1:01:42 Rob Schneider Well, you know what?

1:01:43 Drew It's not technically possible.

1:01:44 Rob Schneider This is one of the differences between men and women. Women look at intimacy, men look at the physical part. In other words, if the relationship has not been consummated, like for instance, did you see, you must have seen Adam Sandler's film Spanglish. Remember when he was, he found out she'd been cheating and he sat there in the bed going, did you sleep with him? Did you do it? Did you do it? For guys, that's the line in the sand. He either put his penis in you or he did not. We can tolerate just about everything else. Women, they don't care about that. They were like, did you love her? Did you love her? Were you saying sweet things to her? They don't care about the sex.

1:02:17 Drew Well, then let's find out.

1:02:17 Rob Schneider So much.

1:02:18 Drew I'm going to get your theory here. I'm going to push the button six. Now, Nyla, how did these guys, you said screw you over. How did they screw you over?

1:02:27 Well, the first one, I was in a relationship with him for a month. Well, not a month, a year and a half actually.

1:02:34 Drew Oh, wow. This story is changing.

1:02:36 And I was raped and I told him that I cheated on him because I couldn't remember.

1:02:42 Rob Schneider Whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't follow this. You were raped by who?

1:02:46 I was raped by a co-worker.

1:02:48 Rob Schneider And what do you mean you cheated on him?

1:02:50 Drew Well, I couldn't tell the guy.

1:02:52 It was very fuzzy in my head and I told him. Why?

1:02:56 Rob Schneider Why was it very fuzzy?

1:02:58 Because I couldn't, I was having a hard time, like when I remembered it, I only remembered certain parts of it, just like little flashes.

1:03:04 Rob Schneider Were you loaded?

1:03:06 No, I wasn't loaded.

1:03:07 Drew Were you drugged or you just, you were mentally blocked out?

1:03:09 I was not, I was not anything. I was, I shut down when it happened.

1:03:15 Rob Schneider All right, well that means you were, you'd been abused as a child, and that shutdown experience is something that could get indoctrinated into your brain very, very early. So what happened when you were little?

1:03:26 My father was kind of alcoholic and I was abused a little, but I wasn't, I wasn't much. It stopped now, but...

1:03:32 Rob Schneider Well, it had to have been enough to give, teach you that whole shutdown experience, that whole, what we call dissociation.

1:03:37 Drew And attract guys who do the same thing.

1:03:39 Rob Schneider Right, and then because dad was so abusive and let you down so badly, you gotta go after those guys and get let down again.

1:03:44 Drew However, did you go to therapy for this?

1:03:47 I did for a while, but I was kind of, I don't know, just didn't work out for me. I didn't trust the lady.

1:03:53 Rob Schneider All right, that's again, another very bad sign. That meant the fact that you can't trust people who are there just to help you.

1:03:59 Drew Well, she doesn't trust the person because you're not hearing what she wanted to hear.

1:04:02 Rob Schneider Shouldn't trust anybody is the point. Shouldn't trust anybody, shouldn't trust your boyfriend.

1:04:05 Well, I felt like she was trying to turn me against my family.

1:04:08 Drew Well, maybe, you know what, let me tell you something. Well, let me push a button, the blue button here, so now I can shut the heck up. There is a time to not trust your family when they are abusive and dangerous to you. There is a reason, you know what, if your father has been abusive, and it sounds like you're thinking now that he's okay because he's not overtly abusive, yeah, yeah, but that abuse is still there, and there's like, you know, a therapist is a professional therapist is going to tell you things. Sometimes they can tell you not what you want to hear, but they'll tell you things. Say, listen, this isn't your, this behavior, this bad behavior that's happening to you that's ruining your life, if you continue to associate with these people to do the same behavior, you're going to ruin your life. And that's not what you wanted to hear. What did you want the therapist to say to you?

1:04:55 I wanted, what I wanted was for me to actually be able to feel happy again and not to, like I was living in this point where I couldn't feel sad, but I couldn't feel happy either. It was a problem.

1:05:08 Drew Okay, all right, all right, I'm going to cut you off again, Naila. Naila, life is not about feeling happy. Life is about learning. Life is about, now, you're going to have to like, and life is about dealing with your problems. You need to deal with this problem and learn from this thing and move on to this, because what's happening is you're going to create more situations like this. Dr. Drew will talk, because I'm a professional actor, you know what I'm saying. You're going to create more situations and repeat the same behavior over and over and over again until you deal with this.

1:05:37 Rob Schneider In fact, I think when you do open more to what's actually going on in the home, I think you'll see what Dad perpetrated was actually quite a bit more than you're willing to admit right now. So we're going to take another break and just to recap, let's see, mother tough, prostate massage good, other men bad, co-dependency of interesting women good, supermodels bad, Spiekman showerhead is good, condoms good, small penis good, swinging the small penis around, thick small penis, swinging around like a giant penis good. Okay, with that, we'll take a break and be right back.

1:06:15 Call 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:06:17 Rob Schneider Operators are standing by.

1:06:18 Rob Schneider Loveline will be back in a minute.

1:06:21 Rob Schneider 1-800-LOVE-191. Rob Schneider in here on Loveline. Let's see what else we learn about him by talking to Candice.

1:06:27 Drew Hi, Candice. Where are you from?

1:06:29 Rob Schneider I'm from Mesa, Arizona.

1:06:31 Drew All right. I love the airplanes you guys have got out there.

1:06:35 Rob Schneider In Mesa?

1:06:35 Drew Yeah, yeah, they got this out in Mesa.

1:06:37 Rob Schneider Was that where they have the gliders?

1:06:38 Drew No, they have these old World War II and they got like a cosmonaut.

1:06:42 Rob Schneider Wow. Interesting. All right. What's up, Candice?

1:06:45 Rob Schneider What's happening out there? Whatever.

1:06:46 Drew What's going on?

1:06:47 Rob Schneider Nothing much. I just have a question. A couple of years ago, I got stoned at a party.

1:06:52 Rob Schneider Stoned, yeah?

1:06:53 Drew Good. Good party.

1:06:55 Rob Schneider By the way, I haven't heard somebody call it stoned since 1978.

1:06:57 Drew Well, she's from Arizona. It's a 78 kind of feel when you get honed. Stoned. Go on, Candice.

1:07:03 Rob Schneider Yeah, but I get really horny. I don't know why. I had sex with this girl and I wanted to know.

1:07:08 Drew Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, yo, whoa.

1:07:11 Rob Schneider Making notes like the aggressive females who are highly sexual.

1:07:17 Drew Okay, horny, horny, horny. So what? You get really horny?

1:07:20 Rob Schneider What happened?

1:07:21 Rob Schneider Well, I had sex with this girl and I wanted to know if I was still a virgin or not because like now my boyfriend's asking and I don't know what to tell them.

1:07:29 Rob Schneider Wow.

1:07:30 Rob Schneider Great question.

1:07:31 Drew Tell them you're a lesbo for starters.

1:07:33 Rob Schneider That'll probably calm it down.

1:07:34 Drew Yeah, he'll like that. No, honey, honey, honey. I've never been with a guy before. And say it like that and then see if he freaks out or not.

1:07:45 Rob Schneider True, true, but...

1:07:48 Drew Now, do you like, was that just a one-time thing or do you like girls?

1:07:51 Rob Schneider Well, I don't know. I haven't been with a guy yet. So I wouldn't know every time I get the chance. I was like, wait, I don't know what would happen because I had sex with a girl.

1:08:01 Rob Schneider How far did you, how did, you know, what happened with the girl?

1:08:04 Drew Yeah, yeah, what'd you guys do?

1:08:06 Rob Schneider It was like, I guess we did everything you would consider except we didn't use any toys.

1:08:13 Rob Schneider You used your mouths.

1:08:16 Rob Schneider Yeah.

1:08:17 Drew On each other.

1:08:19 Caller Yeah.

1:08:20 Well, nice party.

1:08:24 Drew That's some good pot.

1:08:25 Rob Schneider What kind of pot was that?

1:08:27 I got to get some of that pot. Boy, oh boy, I missed all the good parties.

1:08:33 Drew Well, so you can say to him that you've-

1:08:37 Rob Schneider Well, let's think about it. Now, for genity-

1:08:38 Drew You can tell him you have not been penetrated by a guy. You don't have to tell him anything. What the heck difference does it make? You're not going to be with this guy for a long time.

1:08:45 Rob Schneider You can, by the way, say, I've not been with a guy.

1:08:47 Drew Yeah, but also just, you know what? It's not if his business, it's not necessarily considered lying if you don't have to tell him everything.

1:08:56 Rob Schneider But let's go through more mystery, less history. Let's go through this a little bit. Now, originally, virginity was a technicality for sort of passing economic goods along, that the woman would have to have a hymen and would have to prove it and blah, blah, blah.

1:09:10 Drew No, no, for not just passing goods along, but for like land. Yeah, if this woman, I want to make sure this is my seed going into this, and so that my, the family lineage can, the Cusprits in land will remain this part of Ireland forever. That's why we're going to make sure you're a virgin.

1:09:29 Rob Schneider So it was a technicality at first, and then it became sort of a reference to chastity. Right? So, and now it's going back to being a technicality again, where I have anal sex, I have oral sex, but no, no, no penis in the vagina. They haven't had that. And I don't know.

1:09:44 Rob Schneider I've had just the tip. Just the tip. I'm basically a virgin. I don't think he went in all the way. I think I'm still a virgin. Not 100% sure. I've had a girl tongue in every orifice, but I'm still kind of a lesbian virgin. I don't know. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't videotape it and put it on the internet. I'm still basically a virgin.

1:10:09 Drew What's that?

1:10:10 Rob Schneider I said I didn't enjoy it. I did not say I did not enjoy it.

1:10:13 Rob Schneider She did enjoy it. How dare you, Rob Schneider? How dare you? But here's the deal. You, I mean, you could call yourself a virgin.

1:10:21 Rob Schneider The orgasm I had was like a seven. It wasn't anywhere near a nine or a 10.

1:10:25 Rob Schneider But you were not chased, right?

1:10:27 Drew You're still, you haven't had a guy's wee-wee in your thing thing, right? So you're still a VV.

1:10:33 Rob Schneider Yeah, we'll give you a virginity out of technicality.

1:10:34 Drew You're still a virgin, tell them you're a virgin. But if you tell them you've been with another-

1:10:37 Rob Schneider Tell them you've been on a radio show and they've declared you a virgin.

1:10:39 Drew If you tell a 17-year-old guy you've been with another girl, he's going to find that hot and then when you go out with him, he's going to think you're a freak and get completely insecure about it. That's what you get when you date a 17-year-old guy. Next call.

1:10:50 Rob Schneider Cameron, 21.

1:10:52 Caller Hello, how are you guys doing?

1:10:53 Drew We're good.

1:10:54 Rob Schneider What's up, Cameron?

1:10:54 Caller Not so much.

1:10:55 How are you doing, Adam?

1:10:57 Rob Schneider Adam.

1:10:57 I am Dr. Drew Pinsky. Yeah.

1:10:59 Drew I'm good. I'm good. As Adam Corolla is here, yeah, what can I do for you?

1:11:06 Caller Well, my wife and I, before we got married, she could have an orgasm. And, you know, we did it for about two years.

1:11:15 Drew Yeah.

1:11:15 Caller And after we got married, she just, she can't have one anymore.

1:11:19 Drew And that's why, that's why you got to videotape your sex. So that way, if you get married to her after she can't have an orgasm, you can rewind and go, honey, what happened to that?

1:11:29 Rob Schneider Right there, you had an orgasm.

1:11:32 Drew What happened to you?

1:11:33 Rob Schneider Okay.

1:11:34 Drew So go on now, Cameron. So she can't have an orgasm now after you got married?

1:11:37 Caller No, she can't and I listened to your show and I know that you said that you know, try some foreplay, you know, try some oral and maybe she's not good at it. I don't know.

1:11:49 Rob Schneider Hold on, there's a couple of possibilities here. Is she on medication?

1:11:53 Rob Schneider No.

1:11:54 Rob Schneider And was she having an orgasm before during intercourse?

1:11:59 Caller Yeah.

1:12:00 Drew Okay, Cameron, let me ask you.

1:12:01 Rob Schneider Wait, Rob, she was faking. Oh, she was faking before.

1:12:05 Drew Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, Cameron.

1:12:07 Rob Schneider Let me ask this.

1:12:08 Drew Now, Cameron, I'm going to ask you a question.

1:12:09 Caller All right, shoot.

1:12:10 Drew I'm going to ask you and I need you to answer this honestly. Usually when you're with her the first couple of days, when would you do oral?

1:12:20 Caller Not all the time.

1:12:21 Drew Okay, so that means never. Okay, you got to go back, you got to divide that in half and then divide it in half again.

1:12:26 Rob Schneider Yes. So no, he didn't. Magically, she couldn't have an orgasm with oral but magically could with intercourse.

1:12:32 Drew Yeah.

1:12:32 Rob Schneider Which is a rare, not rare, but unlikely.

1:12:35 Drew It's just not what women do. Women need to have other stimulation there, not just a guy plays himself.

1:12:43 Rob Schneider Cameron, what you got to do is get good at the oral. So Rob, here you go.

1:12:47 Drew Okay, here's the deal. Cameron, she's got a thing called a clitoris. You should ask her to point it out to you, find that and then give it some attention with your mouth.

1:12:59 Rob Schneider How old were you when you figured all that out? No, I'm talking to Rob.

1:13:03 Drew 38. So we're on that area.

1:13:05 Rob Schneider So he's got a couple more years to go.

1:13:06 Drew So anyway, here's the deal. Here's the deal. You need to talk to your wife about how to please her. And you can do it by showing her where it is. Or hey, honey, why don't you touch it and say, do you like it on the side? Do you like it on top? Do you like a baseball bat hit to it? Do you want me to go in the other room, put on a clown mask and come back in? Do you want me to draw pictures for you while I'm touching you? Do you want me to touch you with my fingers, my toes? Do you want me to knee you in the crotch? You need to explain, work things out, talk to her.

1:13:34 Rob Schneider I think we have a tape of the Insane Clown Posse describing how they like themselves to be manipulated in a similar fashion. Anderson, can you oblige us that?

1:13:42 You can caress the balls, you can gently pet them, you can stroke them, you can juggle them from side to side to side to hand to hand, but don't punch the ball!

1:13:53 Rob Schneider See? That's what you expect from your wife.

1:13:55 Drew Do you know when your wife is down there and she's treating your genitalia like it's some sort of exercise equipment and it's causing you pain and you go, no, honey, don't do that, that hurts. You need to have her have that same kind of communication with you.

1:14:14 Rob Schneider She may not really understand what's going on here because she may be a little reserved, sort of ashamed that she's been cheating. Don't even get into cheating or not cheating, just get to work on focusing on what works for her.

1:14:23 Drew Cameron, let me just tell you this, you may have to go down there for more than five minutes. Let me just throw that at you.

1:14:27 Rob Schneider Oh, yeah.

1:14:28 Drew Okay, it may take like eight, nine or a half hour, but it may happen.

1:14:31 Rob Schneider You better set aside 30 minutes.

1:14:33 Drew Yeah, give yourself a half hour.

1:14:34 Rob Schneider For the first 35 times you do this.

1:14:36 Drew And then it's her problem, she can't do that.

1:14:38 Rob Schneider So here we go. This is Angel's 25.

1:14:40 Drew Hey, Angel.

1:14:42 Hello?

1:14:42 Rob Schneider Hey, what's up?

1:14:43 Drew Hi, where are you driving to?

1:14:45 I'm driving home.

1:14:47 Drew Perfect. Okay, so what's going on there, Angel?

1:14:49 Well, I was molested for two years when I was from four to six. And then I was in counseling for 10 years till I was 16. And I don't remember anything that happened. I don't remember going to court or testifying. I don't even, I mean, I don't-

1:15:05 Drew But this was a fact. I mean, it was, you did go to court and you did testify. Your family told you that, right?

1:15:10 Yes.

1:15:11 Drew Now, who molested you?

1:15:12 Caller My, it was my great uncle. Wow.

1:15:18 Rob Schneider We really need to bring back, we need to bring back burning people in oil. I think that will stop some of this stuff.

1:15:23 Drew Yeah, that's pretty much as bad as it gets. Now, you're married now and you got kids?

1:15:27 Caller I am engaged and have two kids.

1:15:30 Drew Oh, all right.

1:15:32 Caller And I was wondering if because I went to counseling and I don't remember anything that happened, if that has to do with me not remembering some of my childhood memories.

1:15:44 Drew Let me put you on hold for a second. Let me tell you. All right.

1:15:47 Rob Schneider I'm not sure I understand your question.

1:15:49 Drew I don't remember a couple of crappy movies I made, but they're still in the video store.

1:15:54 Rob Schneider Right.

1:15:54 Drew You know what I'm saying?

1:15:55 Rob Schneider Yes.

1:15:55 Drew Angel, it happened. It's part of your experience. It's part of your life. It's there and it's there forever. And obviously, it's so traumatic that you had to block it out. So it's something now, but I still don't understand.

1:16:10 Rob Schneider I mean, you had to have years of therapy to deal with those movies of yours that are in the video store.

1:16:15 Drew I've had, I'm in the middle of years of therapy. I'm trying to block them out.

1:16:18 Rob Schneider That's just a bad movie. I'm trying to block them out.

1:16:20 Drew I'm also trying to block them out. The people have seen them. Hang on. Which is very hard. So Angel, what exactly is your question?

1:16:26 Caller My question is if, because I blocked it all out is, I don't remember like, third grade, fourth grade, I, a lot of my childhood-

1:16:36 Rob Schneider It's very common for long periods of a childhood to be blocked, so to speak, when there was heavy duty trauma. And just forget the fact that you were sexually abused, then you had the trauma of the chaos and God knows how people reacted emotionally and then going to court. This is a lot for a child to process. In fact, when they look at brain scans of children that have been through a lot of trauma, you actually see shrinkages in the area of the brain that's responsible for memories.

1:17:03 Drew That would make sense, self-preservation instead of kicking in.

1:17:06 Rob Schneider And although the memories have been, let's call it, dealt with, the reality is the abuse leaves an imprint in terms of how your brain develops. And as we talked earlier tonight, the main thing that sort of falls out of this is difficulty with feeling regulation, emotional regulation. Emotions that are too long, too intense, too negative. And it's hard for you to regulate yourself.

1:17:26 Drew Let me ask you, how's your relationship with your husband?

1:17:29 Caller It's good. I have, you know, a little bit of depression going on, but that, I think that's just, I don't know, I don't think that's related, but...

1:17:38 Rob Schneider And listen, the therapy you had may be the reason that you sort of process these things through while you're able to have relationships now, although chaotic, two kids and I get married, whatever. But you know, you sound okay and you don't sound, we don't give us the feeling that a trauma survivor normally does. But I would urge you, in terms of helping your kids out, it's a good idea when you've been through some heavy stuff to sort of be watched by a mental health professional.

1:17:58 Drew But let me ask you this though, Angel, do you want this therapy to block out these childhood memories?

1:18:03 Caller Oh no, I'm not in therapy now. I was, I did, I went to therapy due to the, because of the molestation, but I haven't been in therapy since I was 16.

1:18:13 Drew Let me tell you something, you should be in therapy now. You should, you know what, because you're still having to process some of this stuff, and especially now that you are still a single mom with two kids, I mean, I think any single parent should be in therapy, no matter what. Any parent, period.

1:18:33 Rob Schneider But I'll tell you what, Angel, just talking to you, it's clear that whatever mental health services you did have had a very beneficial effect on you. You really seem to be doing pretty well.

1:18:40 Drew You don't seem like you're about to drive into upcoming traffic.

1:18:42 Rob Schneider No, you seem good, but still at risk for trouble. Eddie Fortier, Edie, Edie?

1:18:48 Rob Schneider Yeah, Edie.

1:18:49 Drew Hey, Edie.

1:18:50 Yeah, like Edie, I mean like Edie.

1:18:52 Drew Yeah, Edie, I mean, why wouldn't you want to be named after that? Yes, go on.

1:18:55 Come on, you know how to me.

1:18:57 Drew I know what you're saying. Okay, what's going on here, Edie?

1:18:59 Hi, this is my question. Okay, I have a boyfriend.

1:19:03 Drew Yeah.

1:19:03 And we have sex. Well, we have sex.

1:19:06 Drew You guys have sex with a boyfriend?

1:19:08 Come on now.

1:19:09 Drew Okay, I'm sorry.

1:19:10 He asked me, he asked me.

1:19:12 Drew He asked you what?

1:19:13 To strap on and, you know, pleasure.

1:19:17 Drew Strap on what?

1:19:19 Amily. Now, I want to know, did that make him gay in any way? Gay curious? I mean, what's up? What's up with that?

1:19:26 Drew No, so did you do it?

1:19:27 Of course, I did. Yeah, I did.

1:19:30 Drew You didn't think that was a little strange?

1:19:32 Yeah, I did. I did think it was a little strange.

1:19:35 Drew Did you talk about it for a few minutes?

1:19:36 Rob Schneider I'm feeding you some kudos here. She's trying to make her man happy. At least she does it in such a way she doesn't have to bring anything on herself.

1:19:42 Drew Okay, all right. So then you did. And then does he want you to do it again?

1:19:48 No, he didn't actually bring it up anymore. I would say like 30 days, 40 days later, he was like, yeah, how do you think about that? What do you feel? What would you do again?

1:19:58 Rob Schneider Did he just get out of jail?

1:19:59 I'm like, that's really kind of sick to me. So what do you think? I mean, does that make him curious?

1:20:06 Drew Did you ask him if he was gay? No, he never had a gay experience. Did you ask him that?

1:20:12 No, of course not. Why not?

1:20:14 Drew Why not? You guys got to talk about these things. You say, listen, I'm allowed to ask you a certain question because you had me put on a strap on and entered you anally. I'm going to have to ask, are you gay? That's not an insane question for a guy you just entered with a strap on. Edie, come on, don't be so shy.

1:20:34 No, no, no, wait a minute, wait a minute. I guess one of the main reasons why I didn't ask him, I know this is going to sound kind of weird.

1:20:39 Drew Why didn't you ask him?

1:20:41 I was the first person he had sex with. I was the first person that performed oral sex on him.

1:20:46 Drew How old is this guy? How old is he?

1:20:49 Right now he's about 34, probably 34, 35.

1:20:53 Rob Schneider No way. No way.

1:20:55 Drew How many years ago was this when you had sex with him?

1:21:00 When I did anal sex, I was probably two years ago.

1:21:04 Drew So you're saying he never had sex before until he was 32?

1:21:07 Exactly.

1:21:08 Rob Schneider No way.

1:21:08 Drew That's not possible.

1:21:09 I promise you on everything. I mean, you know, I'm not going to go into details because I don't, you know, I hope nobody's listening that I know or anything, but he's kind of overweight, you know, he was insecure, very insecure.

1:21:20 Rob Schneider Was he incarcerated or anything?

1:21:22 No, never, ever, never been incarcerated in his life.

1:21:26 Rob Schneider So he's, I don't know how to interpret this, he's got issues, but whatever, you guys have a relationship that's going along?

1:21:32 Drew Let me tell you, is he a plushie? Does he like to put on...

1:21:35 Rob Schneider What are they called?

1:21:37 Drew They put on, does he like to put on...

1:21:38 Furries. Furries.

1:21:40 Drew Does he put on, does he like to put on an outfit on and feel sexual?

1:21:44 No, you didn't do it. I like to do it, or did he want me to...

1:21:47 Drew No, I'm saying, did he like to wear a furry animal costume and have sex with you?

1:21:51 Stop it, no.

1:21:51 Rob Schneider How dare you, Ron. How dare you?

1:21:53 Drew I'm just trying, I'm trying.

1:21:55 Weirdo, are you? I did my research before I come here.

1:21:58 Drew No, I'm just saying. Okay, so you didn't ask him if he's gay curious? He's definitely gay curious. No, I love that you're asking that.

1:22:05 I'm serious on everything because I'm thinking that I was the only one he was ever with in any kind of sexual way. I knew for, I'm telling you, I know for a fact he hasn't been with anybody.

1:22:15 Drew Okay, do you like this? Okay, what are you getting at in this relationship, Edie? I'm more worried about you than him. What do you like about this guy?

1:22:23 Well, it's other things, you know, it's other things. It's just not sex, it's really not all about sex.

1:22:29 Drew It doesn't sound, it better not be.

1:22:31 Rob Schneider All right, here's the deal, Edie, you don't know, maybe he was physically with sexual abuse growing up, and then he shut down for many, many years. You know, being overweight and stuff, sometimes people do that to keep people away.

1:22:41 Drew Sounds like he's had some terrible trauma.

1:22:43 Rob Schneider It doesn't.

1:22:44 Drew Sounds like something happened to him.

1:22:46 Rob Schneider The whole, in the locker room. The whole rear end love thing.

1:22:49 Drew Get off me.

1:22:50 Rob Schneider Sometimes it's more about aggression than it is about homosexuality, anything like that, and so maybe he was beaten and things to kid and this is sort of something else.

1:22:56 Drew He obviously has some bad feelings about his body.

1:22:57 Rob Schneider Whatever. They have had a relationship. It's stable. It's going on. It's his first love. They're good. She sounds fine. Enjoy. Enjoy. Yeah.

1:23:05 Drew You sound like you're not that bummed about it.

1:23:06 Rob Schneider Brendan, 17. Oh, you know what, Brendan, are you there? Yeah. All right. What's the question? We got to take a break.

1:23:11 All right. This is the first time we're calling. I'm a little nervous, but yeah, my girlfriend and I have been going out for six months, and she and I, I mean, the sex was great at first, but now, the more times we've done it, it's just the pleasure has decreased for me, but it's been great for-

1:23:28 Drew Well, you're 17. You want to bang other girls.

1:23:30 Rob Schneider Sounds bogus to me, but anyway, we're going to explore this a little more.

1:23:34 Drew I mean, I'd be bored too when I was 17.

1:23:36 Rob Schneider Just to recap, not in the supermodels, but in Showerhead, Condoms Good, Codependent to Interesting Women or how we say, Artistic Women, Entertaining Women, Other Men, Can't Have Touched, No Body Hair, Mother Tough, Prostate Massage God, Middle Finger, Thick Middle Finger Good, Swinging Around Like Something Aggressive, Sexual Female Good, Strap On No Good, and Don't Axe, Don't Tell. Okay, very good. Some more Loveline at 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll be right back.

1:24:03 Yep, Loveline will be back.

1:24:05 Glad to hear it.

1:24:08 Rob Schneider Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191. I'm Dr. Drew. He is Rob Schneider. And we are going back to Brandon. We have just a few minutes to sort of flush out our image of our, our characterization of Rob Schneider. Brandon, 17. So you're saying...

1:24:23 Drew Sex isn't good.

1:24:23 Rob Schneider Sex no longer good, right?

1:24:25 Drew Brandon, where are you from in Canada?

1:24:26 What's that?

1:24:27 Drew Where are you from in Canada?

1:24:29 Windsor, Ontario.

1:24:30 Drew All right. Well then, the good-looking girl, the sex is fine up there.

1:24:33 She's American too.

1:24:34 Drew Here's why this is bogus, Brandon.

1:24:36 Caller What's that?

1:24:37 Drew Here's why this is a bogus call.

1:24:39 Rob Schneider I don't want to put you on.

1:24:40 Drew Because any 17-year-old guy having sex is great.

1:24:43 Rob Schneider Correct. That's... I agree.

1:24:44 Drew There is no bad sex society. You could... If I'm 17, I'm having sex and I...

1:24:50 Rob Schneider You're over the top.

1:24:51 Drew Get into a terrible car crash, fall off a cliff, it's the greatest sex.

1:24:53 Rob Schneider Yeah. Yeah. You could wear your kneecaps off.

1:24:56 Drew I mean, just the fact that you see...

1:24:57 Rob Schneider Or rub your penis right off your body or whatever. It's fine.

1:24:59 Drew If it's a sandpaper vagina, it's... I'm the happiest.

1:25:02 Rob Schneider Yes. Glass, whatever. Okay. I agree. So it's bogus. Sarah, 18.

1:25:07 Rob Schneider Hello?

1:25:08 Drew Hi, Sarah.

1:25:09 Rob Schneider Hi.

1:25:10 Rob Schneider Hi. How are you guys?

1:25:11 Rob Schneider Good.

1:25:11 Drew How are you doing?

1:25:12 Rob Schneider Pretty good. How are you doing?

1:25:14 Rob Schneider Good.

1:25:15 Rob Schneider I'm just about to get into bed, actually. Good. Yeah. I have a question.

1:25:20 Rob Schneider All right.

1:25:21 Drew Bring it on.

1:25:22 Rob Schneider Yeah. Well, I'm really like... Like really, really, really uncomfortable around guys sometimes when like intimacy occurs. And yeah, like...

1:25:31 Rob Schneider You mean, but you're a virgin? You mean like making out that kind of intimacy?

1:25:36 Rob Schneider Yeah. No, I like that. But it's just like, you know, when it gets like more into it, it's like I want to. But then it's almost like I have this image in my mom's head, like in my head of my mom, like telling me like, no, like you're not supposed to do that. Like, you know, I was like raised, you know, to stay a virgin until I get married.

1:25:54 Rob Schneider You are a virgin.

1:25:56 Rob Schneider Yeah, well, I know. But, you know, that's kind of unrealistic for me.

1:25:59 Caller Like, I don't.

1:26:00 Drew Well, you've done pretty good till now. Are you still a virgin?

1:26:03 Rob Schneider Yes, I am.

1:26:04 Rob Schneider Well, you've done great.

1:26:05 Drew You've won. You can go get laid.

1:26:07 Rob Schneider Are you in high school, college?

1:26:09 Rob Schneider I'm in high school, my last year of high school.

1:26:11 Rob Schneider Where are you going to college?

1:26:13 Rob Schneider Maybe Arizona or Oregon.

1:26:15 Drew Well, if you go to Arizona, you're definitely going to get laid.

1:26:18 Rob Schneider Maybe you want to just kind of wait till you're out of high school until you've gotten away from your family.

1:26:24 Drew The idea of waiting for sex and your mom did a good job. I mean, your mom is just like, Don't do it.

1:26:30 Rob Schneider Imagine Rob's daughter, she sees an image of his head saying, Don't do it. Oh my God.

1:26:35 Drew That'll keep her from having sex. Hey, but now, are you dating a guy seriously or just nobody says?

1:26:42 Rob Schneider Well, I just got out of a relationship and I have a feeling that the reason we broke up is because he started getting more distant. When we'd get intimate, he would notice I would be really frustrated. I wouldn't really want to get into it too much. After six months, we broke up.

1:26:58 Drew Well, let me tell you, Sarah, six months, that guy's a saint. To hang in there for six months, knowing and to not get any, were you guys doing other things?

1:27:13 Rob Schneider Well, yeah, I guess. He was like my first, almost like, well, I had like an oral experience with him, but I didn't do it. He did. I didn't do anything.

1:27:22 Rob Schneider There's a good guy, right?

1:27:23 Drew Hey, what a nice guy.

1:27:24 Rob Schneider Here's the deal.

1:27:25 Drew Go back with him, Sarah.

1:27:26 Rob Schneider You need to figure out what your values are in relation to those with which you were raised. I would suggest you not try to really sort of barrel your way through in high school.

1:27:37 Drew Yeah, you can't be your mom. You can't be the sluts that you go to school with and recede it.

1:27:40 Rob Schneider But I would suggest that you focus on getting away, going to school, establishing an identity and sense of yourself away from your family origin and then see what you want to do.

1:27:50 Drew But think about going back to that guy who went down on you without getting anything in return.

1:27:53 Rob Schneider That is not bad, right?

1:27:54 Drew That's a pretty generous guy. No wonder he's frustrated and wants to hang himself right now.

1:27:57 Rob Schneider Lila, 18.

1:27:58 Drew What's up?

1:27:59 Rob Schneider Yes, hello.

1:28:00 Drew Hi, Lila.

1:28:02 Rob Schneider Good evening, doctor. Good evening, Schneider. Well, my question, I'll get to the point.

1:28:07 Caller My question is that-

1:28:08 Rob Schneider Everyone sounds like Rosie Perez tonight.

1:28:09 Caller Yeah.

1:28:10 Drew A couple of years ago, I had this thing on me and I don't know where it went away. Now it's back and I don't know what I have worked in two years. What?

1:28:19 Rob Schneider Yeah. Eight months ago, I had a baby.

1:28:22 Drew Had what? Had a baby?

1:28:24 Rob Schneider Yeah. I'm not interested in sex. Nobody, no girls, no guys. People think I'm gay or something. But the point is I developed this little ball on the side of my down there.

1:28:37 Rob Schneider On the outside? On the outside or way up on the inside?

1:28:39 Rob Schneider No, it's like in the inner outside, like in the entrance.

1:28:42 Rob Schneider Got it.

1:28:42 Rob Schneider All the way in the bottom. And the bottom of the left hand side.

1:28:45 Rob Schneider All right. Got it.

1:28:46 Rob Schneider And I got one of those.

1:28:49 Drew So what is it?

1:28:50 Rob Schneider No, you have two. No, the doctor said it was a Hymen or something. And he like burned it off or something.

1:28:55 Rob Schneider But Hymen remanent, Hymen remanent.

1:28:57 Rob Schneider Okay. Go ahead.

1:28:58 Rob Schneider Yeah. And I didn't have a period for like five months.

1:29:01 Drew I drove a Hymen remanent for a while.

1:29:04 Rob Schneider Yeah, I'd get pretty good gas mods on Hymen remanent.

1:29:06 Drew Hymen remanent did pretty good.

1:29:08 Rob Schneider Wow.

1:29:08 Drew You know, honestly, the Freeride didn't have enough, you know, get up and go for me. But it's a pretty nice vehicle. Check it out.

1:29:13 Rob Schneider Four dollar lead gas.

1:29:14 Drew So go ahead. I'm sorry.

1:29:15 Rob Schneider So the Hymen remanent was burned off and then what?

1:29:17 Rob Schneider It came, it's still there, actually. And every time I like, I'll have sex only when I want to. And then as soon as I orgasm, you know, I won't get interested. And I'll be like, it'll get off me, you know. Or my baby's dad.

1:29:30 Rob Schneider Right, right, right. How old are you? The baby's dad? 18.

1:29:33 Rob Schneider Yeah.

1:29:34 Rob Schneider When a woman describes her partner as the baby's dad, it's a bad sign. But hey, what's the question?

1:29:38 Rob Schneider The question is, how come I'm not interested in sex anymore and what is that?

1:29:42 Rob Schneider Because you had a baby eight months ago. And when you had a baby, it significantly affects your sex drive, significantly. For that first year.

1:29:48 Drew You know, it's your way, it's the...

1:29:50 Rob Schneider It's God's way of preventing babies from stacking and biting up one another.

1:29:53 Drew And here's another thing. You should thank your lucky stars. You don't want... You're not interested. Because you're 18, you already got one.

1:29:59 Rob Schneider That's right. So it's whether you...

1:30:01 Drew How many more are you going to need?

1:30:02 Rob Schneider Just the hormonal shifts of having been pregnant drops the sex drive down. There's lots of depression postpartum very commonly that drops sex drive. If you're breastfeeding, it drops sex drive. You're tired and burned out and focused on raising a kid that drops your sex drive.

1:30:15 Drew So please tell me that Hymen Remnant could make her sterile so she doesn't have any more kids.

1:30:18 Rob Schneider How about that? I think that what's happening here is that Hymen Remnant, they keep coming back, is trying to close her vagina so we can save her from further children.

1:30:26 Drew Please, your Hymen Remnant is saying, please no more.

1:30:29 Rob Schneider What were you thinking?

1:30:31 Caller Put a condom on him or I'll grow and close this whole area off and the other side with it.

1:30:37 Rob Schneider It's Loveline. We have to get one more break. We'll be right back.

1:30:51 This is Loveline.

1:30:55 Rob Schneider Okay, now, if other men have been there, no good. Like, artistic, entertaining women, no hair, not in the supermodels, shower head's good, condom's good, mother tough, prostate massage good, middle finger good, but thick. Swinging around like a big, aggressive, sexual, female's good. Strap on, no good, don't axe, don't kill. And tomorrow night, I want to find out when you lost your virginity, we'll figure out how that went down.

1:31:18 Drew And when did this become the Ricky Martin Puerto Rico hour? I don't know, we had a lot of Puerto Ricans, hopefully more tomorrow.

1:31:23 Rob Schneider Every caller, Rosie Perez tonight. Well Rob.

1:31:26 Drew So I'm gonna do it again tomorrow.

1:31:29 Rob Schneider Good show tonight Rob, well done. Thank you for joining us. It's a pleasure Dr. And we'll be in here again tomorrow night, Rob and I to...

1:31:34 Drew Listen to the last night of The Great Loveline. You can do it!

1:31:39 Drew, what were you saying to me?

1:31:40 Rob Schneider That Rob wants, Rob wants a drop. A drop, what happened to the drop? You know at the end of the show, how you're sticking to the drop?

1:31:45 Drew First two nights I get a drop and last night I don't get a drop.

1:31:47 Oh yeah, I heard something about that, that he was upset about that. I'm sorry, Rob.

1:31:50 Drew I wouldn't say upset, I would say...

1:31:51 I heard that you sat around waiting a half hour after the show.

1:31:53 Drew Yes, I said mildly disappointed.

1:31:55 Rob Schneider You gonna give us something tonight?

1:31:56 Yeah, I got something.

1:31:57 Rob Schneider All right, here we go. We'll see you tomorrow.

1:31:59 Caller Fire good, herpy bad, sore new spot, not seen before, where come from, strange spot, not wanted on genitalia, me no like spot, spot itch and hurt, me paranoid about spot, me want spot go away.

1:32:22 This has been Loveline, Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005