Episode 1000734760730

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:01 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:04 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content.

1:07 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:13 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:17 Voiceover With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Diction Medicine Specialist, and TLC show's on tonight, by the way. Good episode.

1:35 Drew Turn on Tivoit.

1:37 Adam Tivoit, 10 o'clock.

1:38 Drew Turn the sound down.

1:39 Adam TLC.

1:41 Drew What's the title of this one?

1:43 Adam I don't know. I didn't check that part, but you know, I watched it and I liked it.

1:46 Drew What's it about? What's the story?

1:48 Adam Same thing, people arguing and doing a few jokes. The usual crap.

1:52 Drew Billy and Ray beating the crap out of each other.

1:55 Adam Yeah. Get a little look at the behind the scenes going on. All right. Well, some heavy news. This is my last week on this program. Drew and I have been aware of this for some time, but we couldn't really share the news until now. A lot of you may have been able to do the math because of hearing some stuff about taking over for Stern on the West Coast and other various projects. And my feeling is, and I hope all you guys know this, I personally love this show because I really haven't had to do it for a number of years.

2:29 Drew We haven't needed to do it.

2:30 Adam Haven't needed to do it. Yes. That's a better way of putting it.

2:34 Drew But have wanted to do it.

2:35 Adam I have wanted to do it. And many people have said to me, well, I was doing the man show and Loveline the TV show simultaneously, or the man show and Crank Yanker simultaneously. Where are you going at 930 at night? Better yet, why are you going somewhere at 930 at night? And to me, it's what I did. I did it because I loved it. And anyone who knows me knows I don't love too many things that involve work.

3:02 Drew Oh, I've never heard you use love and work in a sentence together. Well, that's some sort of expletive in the middle.

3:10 Adam You're right. The thing about this show is I feel very gratified by it. I love the people I work with. I love the callers, believe it or not. The dumbest, most pregnant, youngest, white trashiest ones, I still really enjoy.

3:29 Drew I'm sure.

3:29 Adam If anything, just to use them as a springboard to launch us into a conversation. But I really, I really did do this show, and Drew did as well, under very adverse conditions sometimes, working full days during the day and then coming over here and then having to get up and do early calls in the morning.

3:53 Drew Or when we travel, we have to do it till 3 in the morning. We have to get up at 7 for something.

3:57 Adam Yes, we were just talking about being in North Carolina, doing Dawson's Creek from 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. Here. Yeah, doing the show in North Carolina, though 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. in North Carolina.

4:08 Drew And then 6 a.m. call on the set with Katie Holmes and the whole crew.

4:15 Adam Always, always did it and always figured no matter what I did, you just have to carve out a little spot for Loveline. Until the morning show opportunity came along and now I'm going to be getting up at 430 in the morning and there's just no possible way I can do it. And I feel that I've done it as long as I possibly could. But now we've run into some obstacle that I just can't get around.

4:44 Drew What testifies to how much you're attached to this show is you thought about it. Thought about how can I make this work? How can I get up at 330 and do Loveline? How do I do that?

4:54 Adam Yeah, I know. And it's really, you know, I'll tell you, it's one of the things I really have a heavy heart about it. I don't get that sentimental about things, as you well know. I've started a lot of projects, finished a lot of projects and not shed a tear. I did, you know, it's like, oh, the Man Show was great. Working with Jimmy was great. Work with my partners was great. But we did 100 episodes. I still see Jimmy every Sunday watching football over at his house. I'm fine. I'm able to walk away. Loveline, the TV show, Crank Anchors, many other projects. This show, I have a pit in my stomach over leaving. And it has to do with the listeners. It has to do with the sort of dedication of the listeners. Has to do with you. It has to do with the crew. It has to do with all facets of the show. And I really, like I said, you know I love doing this show, or I would have been out of here eight and a half years ago.

5:51 Drew Right. I mean, think about it this way too. It's, you know, both of you, you and I are sort of prone to depression. And this is a way that sort of was a structure in our day.

6:00 Adam Yeah.

6:00 Drew We always have something we enjoy at the end of the day. And, you know, it was a little focus that we enjoy until we're doing something good, right?

6:06 Adam Yeah, no, it's weird. I always looked at it as my huggy blanket. It was something I could keep in my hip pocket. I always knew, no matter what, here's the home. Here's where you go. Yeah. This is essentially your day job or your trade. Yeah. Whatever it is. Other things come and go. The business is up and down. It's a it's a tough town. And then you go to Loveline and you take a whiz with Dr. Drew, talk smack about the people you work with.

6:35 Drew The guests.

6:35 Adam And it is the guests. And it is awesome.

6:38 Drew But the other thing is that it's a big chunk of your my life. Yeah, we're talking about 11 years. Something like that.

6:45 Adam Coming on. Yeah.

6:46 Drew 11 years and a TV show and a bunch of travel. And yes, yes.

6:52 Adam And for those of you who don't know, Drew and I speak during the show, oftentimes just using these microphones like an intercom to speak back and forth to each other. We ought to just put what you know, we ought to do. We're going to put one of those partitions they have in limousines between us. And I could be like, Drew, we're coming up on Sepulveda. Should we turn right or we're going? We just want to go ahead to the four or five.

7:13 Drew That's what we do every night on the way home.

7:15 Adam Right.

7:15 Drew Literally what we're doing.

7:16 Then we got a free way.

7:17 Drew Oh, cop coming on your right. Watch out.

7:19 Adam We go to got a got a bandit at three o'clock.

7:22 Drew And the off ramp open. What are you going to do?

7:24 Adam Yes. So Drew and I then go to the bathroom together every night and have long winded conversations over the urinal. And then we get in our cars and speak on the cell phones to each other. But you know in part because we're in love with each other in part because no one else is up at that hour for us to speak to. But the point is, is, you know, for me, this job has never been a job. It's just been something I do part of your life and a part of my life and something I feel I need to do. And the morning radio thing for me was an opportunity and a progression. And sometimes and I won't get too preachy, but sometimes things don't feel good. And that's important. You shouldn't be too comfortable for too long. And change isn't always a bad thing.

8:11 Drew No, no. Change is rarely a bad thing. It's almost always a good thing.

8:15 Adam Yeah. Unless, unless, you know, death is considered change. Because that's a bad thing.

8:20 Drew Then you get to go to heaven, right?

8:21 Adam Oh, that's right.

8:23 That's right.

8:24 Adam You get reunited with your old dog you had when you were a kid. But here's the thing. It's important to move forward. It's a change is important. And for me, this was an opportunity. And I love radio. And that's why I've been here for 10 years. And the problem is, is there was no TV show that could ever trump this show. No. This show, for me, just got trumped by another radio show. And somebody said, you know, to me, who was a, you know, guy just grown up in the valley, swinging a hammer and listening to, you know, Howard Stern, Loveline, Kevin and Bean. He was listening to all those shows. Somebody said, well, Stern's going to step aside. We'd like you to step up.

9:06 Drew How can you say no to that?

9:07 Adam I can't say no to that.

9:09 Drew Yeah.

9:10 Adam So as much as I love this show, I couldn't say no to that. And because of the funkified hours, we got a math problem.

9:19 Drew And the, the eternal sort of culture of radio, which has it that if you're doing a radio show, it has to be live. Well, it has to be live.

9:30 Adam I know. I know. So this will be my last week. And the other part is, is, well, why is this my last week? Because I don't start until the first or so.

9:39 Drew Of what? Of January or December?

9:41 Adam January.

9:42 Drew Yeah.

9:42 Adam I wanted to go, you know, me. I wanted to go straight through.

9:46 Drew Sure.

9:47 Adam They were like, we're paying you a ton of money. We need you to start focusing on this stuff. And it was really the bosses said, once we announce it, you're out of there. And that was last week. And I said, well, we're not going to announce it on a Tuesday and I'm out of there on a Thursday.

10:03 Drew Disappear.

10:04 Adam Yeah. We need to let it breathe a little bit. So I stayed on one more week. I don't think I'm getting paid. Say I got split, by the way, where I stayed on one more week and that is this week. Now, I didn't get into it yesterday or Sunday just because I didn't want to turn into a dirge the whole week. I figure three days.

10:23 Drew These days aside just to do this.

10:24 Adam Yeah, we cleared the Loveline calendar and here we are. So if you want to talk about it, that's fine. We're going to do the show. And I think Thursday, I'll deliver my farewell speech, put something together. There won't be a dry eye in the house.

10:40 Drew How long is it going to be? How long?

10:41 Two hours?

10:42 Adam A little over two hours.

10:43 Drew Two hour farewell speech?

10:45 Adam Little over two hours. Little over two hours until the satellite comes out.

10:51 Drew Let's clarify that night. That night, no love line calls. Just only farewell calls.

10:55 Adam Well, if you want to do a love line call, that's fine.

10:59 Drew Let's do farewell calls on Thursday.

11:00 Adam All right. Well, I don't want to become too self-serving. And let me say this. We'll play it by ear. I'll write down a few notes, a few ideas, a few thoughts that I have, because I lie in bed and think about it. I really do. Other thing that I want to say, and the other thing that's important to say about this is Loveline was here long before I got here, and it will be here long after I'm here. And I was just privileged to be a part of it. And I listened to this show long before I was a part of this show. I may have even called into this show as a prank.

11:39 Drew But you got it on tape, remember?

11:40 Adam Yeah. When I was like 19 from my crappy apartment.

11:44 Drew Poor man.

11:45 Adam Yeah. And I used to listen to Drew. And the reason I think we clicked so quickly and the reason it was a fairly seamless transition when I did come to do Love Line and do the TV show and the radio show is because I'd been hearing you for 10 or 12 years before I met you.

12:02 Drew So for me, it's already a relationship.

12:04 Adam No big deal. It's like running into the skipper and having them go, Oh, let me teach you the words to Gilligan's Island. And you're going, Whoa, I'm way ahead of you, fat man. I'll tell you how it goes.

12:17 Drew Right.

12:17 Adam That's kind of how I was with this show. So have you ever met Drew?

12:21 I know Drew for 10 years.

12:23 Adam That's how that's I felt. So a couple of important things. A, I don't know who's replacing me.

12:30 Drew B, neither do I.

12:31 Adam That's the beauty of radio, everybody. That is the beauty of radio. So I have no idea who it is at this point. I've not even heard any names thrown around. I'm just saying that Drew, who's going on year number 23 on this program.

12:49 Drew 22, yeah. Will. 83. I remember New Year's Eve, 1984, in the old K-Rock studio and I was already doing this show.

12:57 Adam Right. Now, Drew did do it just on Sunday nights for the first eight years or something like that. But went to five nights a week. Well, you're at five nights a week for about three or four years before I showed up.

13:10 Drew Yes, four years.

13:11 Adam And I'm going on ten and a half.

13:13 Drew So it's really fifteen years. It's a week.

13:16 Adam Right. So here's my point. This show will continue in this show should continue.

13:21 Drew Yeah.

13:22 Adam And you should continue to listen and you should continue to support it. And this show is important. And in a certain way, it's like this shows the news in a certain sense. It's like newscaster moves on. But as long as there's news happening, this show will be on the air.

13:38 Drew That's a very interesting, I'll always remember that actually.

13:41 Adam Really?

13:41 Drew Yeah.

13:42 Adam I didn't think it was too great.

13:43 Drew No, it's interesting.

13:43 Adam Give it a six. Yeah. All right.

13:48 Drew Well, Anderson's going to miss you, Adam.

13:49 Adam And here's...

13:50 Drew And I know you'll miss Anderson.

13:51 Adam Who's Anderson?

13:51 Drew You already forgot? He's the guy who used to operate the board.

13:55 This guy?

13:56 Drew That's Marco.

13:57 Marco.

13:58 Drew Marcus.

14:00 Shut up, Anderson.

14:01 Adam Just shut up and do the buttons, would you please?

14:04 Drew That was eight years ago.

14:06 You've had eight years of being antagonized by Anderson.

14:10 Adam Yeah. So my point and then we're going to the phone calls is is this show needs to continue. It will continue. And whoever steps in to my position or my actual on the show doesn't need to be ridiculed or compared to me. They just need to be embraced. If for anyone for Dr. Drew.

14:31 Drew Thank you.

14:32 Adam Andrea.

14:33 Yeah.

14:34 Adam 19.

14:34 Yeah.

14:35 Adam What's up?

14:36 Hey, we were watching Nip Tuck tonight and there was a woman on the show who said that her husband's semen when you put it on her face, it made her skin better. We were just wondering if that was actually true.

14:47 Adam But you love cable.

14:49 Drew That's an old wives' tale that I know of no evidence that that has any use to it.

14:55 Adam Well, Drew, why dissuade the ladies from putting semen on their face?

14:59 Drew It's just mucopolysaccharides. It's like rubbing snot on your face.

15:02 Adam Here's the thing. It can't be put on your face. You understand, your hubby can't do it into a Dixie cup and then have it on your face. It's got to come right from the other.

15:12 Drew Otherwise it loses its effect.

15:13 Adam It will lose its effect if he does it into a brawny paper towel and then you put it on your face. It has to come right. It's got to be still warm from the urethra. First contact. You understand?

15:26 Yes. Yes. Yes. Well, I actually read an article too that said that it's good for your teeth. And what?

15:32 Drew And what? In what? In what scientific journal? In what magazine?

15:37 It was online. It was something about what housework is good for you.

15:41 Well, I thought it was kind of ridiculous, but...

15:42 Drew It is ridiculous. Whenever you're sort of just reaching for things, it just, come on.

15:48 Oh, no.

15:49 I wasn't looking for it.

15:50 I just thought...

15:50 Drew No, no, no. I don't mean you reach. I mean, when the articles are sort of struggling to find, you know, you find this stuff with pod and find this stuff with semen. And I think things in herbs, you know, things that have marginal effects, people will list the litany of wonderful benefits.

16:05 Adam Everybody just close their eyes and think about all the BS they've heard over the last 20 years about, you know, salmone oil and about different herbs and ginseng and mawang and all the stuff that was gonna give you a boner and it was gonna make you taller and it was gonna make your breast firmer and it was gonna make you feel better. You have some ginseng in the morning, it's gonna pep you up. A coffee's bad for you, a red wine's bad for you, you must drink eight ounces of water, eight tumblers of water every day. What? Now, go back and just look at all those headlines in your mind's eye. Just scroll through them. Anything? Anything there?

16:43 Drew No. And not only that, things like guys trying to get their erections to last longer, all the different herbs think they're gonna do that, viral comes along, that all's gone. But when a medication's invented that actually does something, all the rest of it goes away. It all goes away.

16:56 Adam All by the wayside. Yeah. Why does the stuff that's so effective completely go away as soon as there's an effective drug?

17:03 Right.

17:06 Adam Yeah. That's how it works. What about all the experimental things for HIV and AIDS? What about all those? What happened to all the coffee enemas? As soon as AZT came around, pow, everything's gone. That's because they don't work. Of course they don't work. If they work, people just keep using them.

17:24 Drew Yeah, you wouldn't use the other stuff.

17:25 Adam Yeah, you'd be like, oh, why should I pay 25 bucks a tablet for the AZT? I'm getting myself a Folgers enema in Mexico. It's working like a charm. It's eight bucks a glass. It's cheap over there in Mexico. Oh, cop, sorry, yeah. Sorry, I'm gonna burn your hand. Yeah, that's all.

17:43 Drew That's all you need to know.

17:44 Adam That's all you need to know. All right, but really, if you look back at all those things about how Eskimos don't get heart disease and how the French, because they drink, think of all those medical news headlines. Just close your eyes and have them all scroll through your mind's eye and then tell me if any of them are effective, if any of them are still around today, did it make an S lick of difference in your life? Or do you just get up and eat the same cereal, drink the same coffee, and go to the same crappy job? Here's when you feel good, everybody, when you're not depressed, when you like your job. They never talk about that. When you're happy, you got energy, your back doesn't hurt, you're not tired, everything's great. All right. Evan?

18:32 Caller Yes.

18:33 Adam Twenty-one?

18:34 Caller Yeah.

18:35 Adam What's happening?

18:37 Caller Well, I heard somewhere that if, like I was diagnosed with diabetes when I was 12, and I heard that if you don't take care of it, as you get older, it's harder to get an erection.

18:47 Drew Absolutely. The nerves and the arteries to the penis get severely affected by uncontrolled diabetes.

18:53 Adam We have to get some of those herbs from the Orient.

18:56 Drew Are you planning to not control it? You'll also get heart disease and strokes. What's the plan, Evan?

19:01 Um, yes.

19:03 Caller Well, I mean, I'm trying to lead a healthy life. I mean, I'm trying to take care of it. I just recently went to the hospital for the first time because of it, actually.

19:10 Drew So you weren't taking care of it. You got diabetic ketoacidosis, right?

19:13 Caller Yeah, I did.

19:14 Drew All right, so you're not taking care of it.

19:16 Caller Well, I mean, this is the first time since I was 12 that I went to the hospital.

19:19 Adam All right.

19:19 Drew But you need to, it's not just letting... Ketoacidosis is an extraordinary, so your care of your diabetes is completely a disaster at that point.

19:30 Adam How much damage can you cause yourself, irreparable damage, if you have to go to the hospital a couple of times with diabetes when you're young?

19:38 Drew That's my point. It's evidence that he's not controlling the diabetes generally, and finally it spirals completely out of control. You have to try to restore your blood sugar to a normal level. You want to pretend, you want to make your body think it has the right amount of insulin going around all the time.

19:54 Adam When you had diabetes 200 years ago, you just died?

19:57 Drew Oh yeah, that's it. Yeah.

20:01 Adam Well, the Lord has cured that one.

20:03 Drew Yeah.

20:04 Adam Yeah.

20:04 Drew Well, it's faith. Cured that one.

20:06 Adam Faith, right. It's not guys in lamp coats with beakers, not them.

20:11 Drew Well, science is just a way of looking at things. It's just another way of looking at things.

20:14 Adam Yeah.

20:15 Drew It's all relative, Adam. How dare you?

20:16 Adam Yeah. I like the way science is great when your kid has diabetes or your kid needs a heart transplant. Science is great, but then you just go home and crack the Bible, crack the Torah, crack the Koran, and start worshiping some something that got carved out of wood 2000 years ago. That's what you do when you're at home. And then it's off the cedars to let the scientists save your kids' life. And then it's back to look at text written by drunk guys 2000 years ago. Awesome. Makes perfect sense. Perfect sense. Yeah. Jackie?

20:53 Hi.

20:54 Adam You're 21?

20:55 Caller Yeah. I just want to say, Adam, I'll miss you so much. And I'm so sad that Mika didn't get to be on your show one more time for you.

21:03 Drew Mika. That would be a great farewell for you.

21:06 Adam Number one, Asian big boob queen.

21:08 Drew Number one, Asian big boob queen. At least you finally got to spend a night with her. I mean, on the air here.

21:15 Adam Yeah. I like that she couldn't say big boob queen.

21:21 Drew Let's hear it again. Anderson? Number one, Asian big boob queen.

21:27 Caller Don't play tennis no more.

21:29 Yeah.

21:31 Adam Minka had these ginormous, crazy novelty boobs. And I ran into her at a strip club in Vegas. But she had, she kept putting her bony knee into my groin. And then she wanted money. And so naturally we invited her on the show. We. We meaning me and my penis. Jackie. Yeah. Go ahead, baby doll.

21:55 Caller I've been listening to you guys for like eight years. So I wanted your opinion on why I go after married men.

22:03 Drew Is it when you find out that you're married, that they're married, that you go after them, or you go after them and later find out that they're married?

22:08 Caller I've always known that they were married ahead of time.

22:12 Drew All right. So you need to be with guys that are unavailable. It's sort of the Carrie Bradshaw syndrome.

22:19 Adam Sex in the city.

22:21 Drew You'd rather be longing for a guy that you can't have, and by the way, at the same time, out-compete or try to out-compete somebody else, mom.

22:30 Adam Yeah. Where's your dad? Did somebody cheat in your family?

22:35 Caller Well, my dad was pretty much an alcoholic for the first 20 years of my life.

22:41 Drew All right. Those are the unimportant years.

22:43 Adam Yeah.

22:43 Drew And so anyway, so that...

22:44 Adam Formative years are from 21 to 44. Yeah. Those are the formative years.

22:49 Drew You're just cellular. It's just a massive...

22:53 Adam Yeah. You're just so much teenager before that. Yeah.

22:59 Drew So Jackie, so dad was an alcoholic. That explains a lot of why you would have issues with men and it'd be threatening to be with a man that was actually available. So you can either A, cut it out and actually have a relationship with a guy or B, go to Al-Anon or therapy.

23:15 Adam When we come back, we're going to speak to... Gary, hooked up with Cocktail Waitress, now dating her daughter.

23:25 Drew Sounds bogus to me. Just reads bogus.

23:28 Adam Gary?

23:29 Drew Yeah. You're 20? Now it is bogus.

23:31 Caller Yeah, I'm 20.

23:33 Adam You hooked up with a Cocktail Waitress?

23:35 Caller Yeah, she works with me.

23:38 Adam And now you're dating her daughter?

23:40 Caller Yeah.

23:41 Drew How'd that happen?

23:43 Caller Well, we ended up working together and about within the first two months I was on bartending there. Me and the Cocktail Waitress ended up going out and get some drinks after work and went back to my apartment. Everybody left and we just ended up hooking up. Well, a couple about two months ago, I was at a bar with a couple of my friends, you know, went and met this girl up. So, you know, about two weeks ago or so, she's like, oh, well, you know, you want to go over my house and I'll, you know, meet my parents. So we went over her house and her mom was actually the cocktail waitress that I had hooked up with. So being that, you know, I saw her after that and stuff like that.

24:22 Adam Hold on, Drew, you got to push on.

24:24 Drew I don't know.

24:25 Adam What about the part where she goes on, he goes on a date and a half with the chicks, like, you want to come home to my home and meet my parents? Suspicious, Gary.

24:38 Drew Yeah.

24:39 Adam I'm not sure if we're buying the, do you want to come home and meet my parents after a date and a half?

24:43 Drew Suspicious.

24:43 Caller No, no, no, no. We had been, we had been dating for a while after that. It was about a month and a half or so after that we were dating, that I finally went over to meet her parents.

24:52 Adam How old is she?

24:53 Caller She's 20 as well.

24:56 Adam Never came and saw her mom at work the entire time? Your mom worked there with you?

25:00 Caller I'd never seen her at Macau.

25:02 Drew Oh, see now it's bogus.

25:04 Adam Sorry, buddy. It's a good try, though.

25:06 Drew Way to cram the name in there like that.

25:08 Adam Yeah, very subtle.

25:09 Caller Yeah, you know, I do what I can.

25:11 Adam Seamless. All right, bogus.

25:14 Caller My question is-

25:14 Adam Bogus, bogus. Your question is nothing. My statement is bogus.

25:21 Caller Okay.

25:22 Adam All right.

25:23 Caller Liar, liar whore, liar whore, and you know it.

25:27 Adam I'll tell you one thing I'm not going to miss on the show is people's code of honor, which is completely wanting to crapper when it comes to bogus phone calls. When we say the call- here's the deal. We do not have confirmation, of course, 100% confirmation that a call is bogus. We just can say we can cry bogus and you can cop to it like a man. But if you're just going to keep piling forward, we have no choice but to listen to it and take it seriously, especially since I've given the bogus goddamn code 350 times. You attempt to make a bogus call.

26:03 Drew Fine.

26:03 Adam That's fine. If we call you on it and we cry bogus, then you must fess up.

26:09 Drew Then, that moment.

26:11 Adam At that moment, do not keep piling forward, you jackasses. Plus, I've made the proclamation so many times that I just assume, well, I made the bogus call and he kept going forward. He knows the rules of the game.

26:24 Drew Well, you can't, in some of these situations are so dangerous, you can't sort of not give them something.

26:29 Adam Well, you have to sort of honor it and respect it. Yeah.

26:32 Drew Bogus, it's just, it's...

26:34 Adam Right, right. Yes, you can't call 911 and say, there's a goblin on my roof and have them go, please give me a break and go, no, seriously, get over here. They have to send a car over.

26:46 Caller Right. Okay.

26:49 Drew And it takes away from all the people who actually have goblins on their roof.

26:52 Adam That's right. The millions of Americans with goblins on their roof. So what happened to the goblin, Drew? Goblins used to be...

27:00 Drew He's with Devil's Triangle and the Devil and they're all in the same place.

27:04 Adam Goblin too was like, what is a ghost? What is a goblin? Well, he's not a ghost. He's not Satan. He's not a gargoyle. But he's sort of a cross between Satan and a gargoyle and a joker and a clown and a ghost.

27:18 Drew Satan's pets. Satan's minion.

27:22 Adam What was a goblin?

27:25 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

27:27 Adam I think that's right. I think that's why goblin. I know they had the green goblin over with Spider-Man, but I think goblin has sort of gone the way of the dodo because people are having trouble defining the goblin.

27:39 Drew Yeah.

27:40 Adam What is a goblin? Yes.

27:42 Drew Yeah.

27:43 Adam All right. Let's take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this. Eat things up with new Durex warming condoms. There's sex, and then there's Durex. Yeah, Loveline! Get it on, baby. Get it on. This close to dropping Trow. This close.

28:28 Oh, dear.

28:30 Adam I will drop Trow.

28:33 Drew Hey, now, listen, I have a question. Should we continue the Mahalo closure of the show in your honor, or do you take it with you?

28:41 Adam No. I don't care about that kind of stuff.

28:45 Drew No, I mean, what would you like?

28:46 Adam Well, no, here's what I'm what I'm saying. I mean, I don't care. Like, I don't have an opinion. I just mean I'm not one of these guys. It feels like I have intellectual property over things.

28:55 Drew I understand.

28:56 Adam I like it.

28:57 Drew And would you like to leave that behind?

28:59 Adam Would you say I would look at it as an honor?

29:01 Drew Yeah, OK.

29:03 Adam I really would. I'll still use it to use it. I don't care. Yeah, go ahead. No problem with that. I would look at it as a little tip of the hat to the Ace man. Yeah. And then 20 years from now, it would be like, who came up with that mahalo? Poor man.

29:19 Wow.

29:20 Adam I thought that was Corolla and Anderson. I'd be like, no, no, it was definitely Rackman or poor man or third guy. I never hosted the show. Swedish fish. Wasn't...

29:31 Drew Swedish fish.

29:31 Adam It was just... Swedish eagle. The Swedish eagle.

29:34 Caller That's what I meant.

29:35 Adam The Swedish fish.

29:36 Drew What the hell was that? Shed the fish. Swedish eagle.

29:39 Yeah.

29:40 Adam It's horrible.

29:40 Drew The Swedish eagle was on the show very beginning. 82.

29:44 Adam Yeah, I was trying to... You know, I was trying to think when I was telling people about the show, I was like, well, poor man hosted it. Ricky Rackman hosted it. There's a couple other guys who hosted it.

29:55 Drew Scott Mason.

29:56 Adam Scott Mason.

29:57 Drew Hosted it.

29:58 Adam One of the greatest radio personalities of all time. Scott Mason and the Swedish eagle.

30:05 Drew At the beginning.

30:06 Caller Really? Oh, yeah.

30:08 Adam And you were there.

30:10 Drew I was asked to come on to help them basically make it sort of a community service show. And I was in medical school. They're like, hey, get that guy. Maybe he can help us out.

30:20 Adam So let's just take a little walk down memory lane here. But Drew started hosting the show before Drew was married.

30:28 Drew Before I was a doctor.

30:29 Adam Before he was a doctor. Medical school, single, banging the bejesus out of everything that moved in a candy striper outfit, doing tons of medical grade coat. Now triplets, all in medical school themselves.

30:44 Drew Not yet.

30:44 Adam But starting to think, taking a calculus class or so, or getting to it, getting close to high school. Oh my God. Oh, Gerald Ford was in office.

30:59 Drew It was the beginning of the Reagan years.

31:00 Adam No one ever heard of the Taliban.

31:02 Drew No. It was an exuberant time. I mean, we just come out of the 70s.

31:07 Adam Yeah.

31:07 Drew And it was sort of like this sort of explosion of enthusiasm that came with the whole alternative music thing.

31:13 Adam Paint was still drying on the World Trade Center.

31:16 Drew Yeah. That's right. Those are six years old.

31:18 Adam Trouble in the Middle East. But you know.

31:20 Drew Different kind. Israel and Egypt had made up.

31:24 Adam Yeah, for 10 minutes.

31:25 Drew No, they've been fine ever since.

31:26 Adam Oh, Egypt. I'm sorry. I was thinking of Israel, Palestine. Yeah, they're cool.

31:32 Drew Both of them. It was an interesting period of history. And here's the part that you really got to take in. We were calling AIDS, Gay-related Intestinal Disease Syndrome.

31:41 Adam GRIDs.

31:42 Drew We were calling it GRIDs. HIV had not been identified. They had no idea it was causing this thing. The syndrome of AIDS had not been characterized yet. The term safe sex hasn't been invented. And what motivated me to stay on the air, one of the things was. No, there was no money then. Was saying, look, there's this thing coming. You need to know. I can see it. We were taking care of it at the County Hospital.

32:01 Adam Sure, potential payday.

32:02 Drew Potential payday. And everyone was freaked out about herpes. And I kept saying, you're talking about a skin rash as compared to a deadly illness. You need to pay attention to what's coming.

32:12 Adam Was herpes making its way onto the scene at that time too, or had it been around for a while?

32:17 Drew It had been around for a couple of years. And I remember right around the time I was getting started, it was on the front page of Newsweek. There was a story about it. And people were flipping out about it. And I kept saying, you don't understand. There's this thing we're seeing at the hospital. This is something to worry about.

32:29 Adam So AIDS was grids, gay related intestinal disease. Good trivia answer, by the way. And Drew, by the way, how dare how dare they call it gay related when anybody could get AIDS? Then how dare you? I'll not listen to these lies, Drew. Straight people have just as monogamous heterosexual couples have just as good a chance as guys manning the glory hole, Drew. And I'll not listen to anything else because I know you cannot judge. You cannot judge.

33:01 Drew And by the time I was a fourth year student, that had all kind of come into focus.

33:07 Adam The grids.

33:07 Drew Yeah. And now the AIDS. He was starting to call it AIDS.

33:09 Adam How long, how long was it grids before it became AIDS?

33:12 Drew Year or two.

33:14 Adam I do remember when it was called grids and it was a couple of years.

33:17 Drew It might have been five or six years, but in my training, it was like a year or two and then boom, we got it in focus here.

33:23 Adam I always think, I always think of those poor companies, AIDS, the diet candy. There was also an AIDS, there was also an AIDS ambulance company too.

33:33 Drew They all had to change their names.

33:34 Adam And it's like, I imagine somebody coming in to work that morning and going, bad news fellas. Yeah. You know, grids, gay related intestinal disease. Oh yeah. No man, that is some scary ass right there. I mean, that'll, that'll drop you in four months.

33:50 Caller Yeah.

33:51 Adam Well guess what its new name is? Uh, what? Look out your window, Phil. See the 400 vans you got parked out there?

33:59 Caller Yeah.

33:59 Adam What's it say on the side? AIDS? That's the new name.

34:03 Drew Enjoy.

34:04 Adam Enjoy. I would be like, why do you have to change the name? Well, grid sounds pretty good to me.

34:12 Drew Let's just call it RIDS.

34:13 Adam Let's go for RIDS or just call it, well, OK, don't go gay, but go great related intestinal disease or something. Use a G for something else. We got grids. You can't change grids. Going AIDS. Guys are making, guys are making AIDS diet candy, AIDS, everything. There's tons of AIDS stuff rolling around because AIDS was a good thing. You want your ambulance company called AIDS.

34:40 Drew It's hearing AIDS.

34:42 Adam Right.

34:42 Drew Aiding things. No, no, no.

34:45 Adam Somebody needed to give AIDS a little thought before they just let that genie out of the bottle. So many good companies.

34:51 Drew Well, actually, we were actually calling it HTLV-3 back then. Remember human T cell lymphotropic virus.

34:57 Adam I don't remember. I do remember grids. Point is, is this stuff had just been brought over here by the monkeys that the CIA infected to exterminate all people of color.

35:09 Drew I went through years of that god damn spin magazine, putting out just propagandistic s about close about how it was all invented by the Gallo Institute. And this was all nonsense. And it never was. Oh, for God's sakes. Right.

35:24 Caller Right.

35:24 Drew I mean, really, the print. I've always had trouble with print ever since that.

35:28 Caller Right.

35:28 Drew It was so irresponsible.

35:30 Adam Then here's what happened. This thing killed people. It was a death sentence and enough drug companies spent enough money on R&D and they developed products and a chronic illness. Now become a chronic illness.

35:43 Drew I look at Magic Johnson.

35:44 Adam Yes. And I know how all you folks hate the man. And I know you hate the big pharmaceutical companies, but your gay buddies ain't in the ground, are they? They're living with it. So kiss their ass. That's it. They saved lives. And what a shocker. They want to be compensated because they spent $2 billion on research and development. That's their business. That's it.

36:07 Drew They're almost there, right?

36:08 Adam You don't have to give crap away. You don't have to spend a few million dollars on research and development and then give everything away to Africa. That's not how business works. And by the way, the day you force them to do that, that's the day they stop doing that. The research and development, that's the day the gays die. Write that down, Drew. It's a great song. The day the gays die. So, the man went to work on this problem. It was grids, it was a death sentence, it was AIDS, it was a death sentence.

36:42 Drew And if people could please put it in context, syphilis, it took something like 4,000 years to characterize and figure out what caused it and come up with a treatment. AIDS took less than a decade.

36:53 Adam Less than a decade.

36:54 Drew It took something to develop, characterize, causative agent isolated, and effective treatments developed. Unprecedented in the history of mankind.

37:03 Adam Right, and who do you think came up with that? Your hippie herbalist buddies?

37:09 Drew Must have been from the Orient.

37:10 Adam Must have been from the Orient. Must have been, because those folks, they don't miss over there with their herbs. That's right, that's right. What do you think cured it? Clean livin, green tea, huh? Enemas, what about a nice enema? Did that clear it? Or is it just a bunch of drugs from the man? Of course, when you really get something, then you really need to cure it, and you need to give it drugs from the man. Not a bunch of, you know, I have Newton, horn of rhino, you idiots. All right, but it should be free, shouldn't it, Drew? Of course, you're right. They're giving everything away for free. Fives are up, John. They should be giving their product away. Hi, Drew. So, AIDS back then are grids. How long did you have to live if someone came in with that?

37:52 Drew Well, we would tell them, we literally would tell them if they came in with their first, what was called, pneumocystis pneumonia, we would tell them you have six months. And we were never wrong, by the way.

38:02 Adam And that is...

38:03 Drew That was optimistic.

38:04 Adam Now, that's if the HIV went to AIDS.

38:09 Drew But you're right, right.

38:10 Adam But it would go pretty immediately, right?

38:12 Drew We wouldn't really know.

38:14 Adam The difference between it.

38:15 Drew Yeah, we would just, people would only present with the stuff, with the goods, with the waiting centers.

38:19 Adam And people, you guys must have been freaked out that these guys were gonna sneeze on you and you were gonna get something or make contact.

38:25 Drew No, on the contrary, we had this sort of spirit, esprit, that we knew it was only sexually transmitted and blood, so we would like, we wouldn't wear gloves, we would just go at it.

38:37 Adam Oh, really?

38:37 Drew I mean, I didn't be up to my elbows and cerebral spinal fluid and stuff. And then all of a sudden we started going, uh, hey guys, maybe that cuticle thing, I mean, he's pretty serious. So, and we had no idea about viral loads and that kind of thing and how it would, we actually figured they were less infected when their immune system was dropped out. We figured they'd be less contagious. We figured that wrong, wrong.

38:59 Adam So when, when it, when originally AIDS patients or grids patients or HIV patients started showing up in the hospitals, you figured, look, you got to be getting it on sexually in order to get this or to pass it.

39:13 Drew We were trying to stem the tide of hysteria and saying, look, we're not worried about it. We're going to be here with our gloves off. Right. You guys need to calm down about this. You remember the crazy stories about policemen got spit on in his eye and therefore we were like, no, no, no. Look, we're going to take red. Then no one ever got it. Then we got a little more rational about it. Yeah. But by the way, stayed reasonable.

39:35 Adam But it does make sense that guys are getting it from vigorous cornholing and why should you get it if you're just putting the tongue depressor on the guy?

39:44 Drew We had already identified the fact that you had to have sex, had to have blood contact. I mean, that was clear about it.

39:49 Adam All right. We will take ourselves a break and then we'll take some phone calls after this.

39:55 Loveline. Okay.

39:56 Drew Wait.

39:58 My hair.

39:58 Drew My hair.

39:59 Adam We'll be right back. Yeah, Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191-ER.

40:19 Drew Adam, it's your show, you pick. I'm feeling wild. Normally, I pick the calls, I put a little piece of paper up there.

40:26 Adam Mail enhancement drugs. Man, that's never worked.

40:29 Drew There's a girl now, Janet, it's the only girl up there, so there's more crystals up there too.

40:33 Adam I'm going Janet. Janet?

40:35 Hey.

40:36 Adam What's up?

40:37 Drew Yeah, hey. Hey, by the way, tomorrow, unless a couple of nights, do you want to play tapes of stuff from the past?

40:43 Adam Yeah, might as well do a little walk down memory lane.

40:46 Drew, what are you doing?

40:47 Drew I'm creating some work for you, but here's what I suggest, is you just pull out the sub-cartoon and the...

40:56 Caller I don't even know what you're talking about.

40:58 Drew No, the cartoons, the Michael Nairn cartoons, just play those.

41:01 Adam Yeah.

41:01 Drew I can just do that without the internet. That's what I'm saying.

41:04 Adam Yeah, the, by the way, if you want to see any of those... Those animated things, you just go to the Loveline Companion. And I'll be giving a special thanks and shout out to those good people too, because they've been big fans of the show and supporters of the show. Well the guy does it, but then the people support it and the people are on it and people are leaving messages.

41:24 Drew Anderson, stay positive, right? I'm very positive.

41:27 Adam That's the only part I look forward to.

41:29 Drew I know you're going to miss Adam. You always said you liked him. He was funny. You liked working on the show because he was entertaining. I never said such things. You said that. Was I drunk? Yes. Well, I don't know.

41:38 Adam Good point.

41:39 Caller Janet?

41:40 Caller Yeah. Hello?

41:44 Drew Hello, here we go.

41:45 Adam Hello, what's up?

41:48 Caller I was kind of wondering if it's possible for me to have post-traumatic stress disorder.

41:52 Drew Yes, it's possible. What's happening?

41:55 Caller Well, I blacked out last night for the first time.

41:58 Drew Were you drinking?

42:00 Caller No, I wasn't drinking.

42:01 Drew You blacked out and did you do anything weird while you were blacked out?

42:05 Caller Yeah, I threw everything. I threw anything I could. I was throwing just hangers at one point, I guess. I finally fell asleep. He held my boyfriend, held me down, and I finally fell asleep. But when I woke up, my heart's racing talking about it. Everything was everywhere and I was like.

42:22 Drew Oh, Janet, it was a good story.

42:24 Adam It was good until she dropped the F-bomb. But let's just say I will not use the F-bomb. I will replace the F-bomb with the word.

42:36 Drew Fudge.

42:37 Adam I was going to say fudge, but I was looking for something that's a little more realistic. But I'm trying to think of one, one. What is something? Start with an F that's just one syllable.

42:47 Drew What the?

42:49 Adam Fridge.

42:50 Drew Fridge, yeah.

42:51 Adam Is that one syllable? Yeah.

42:53 Drew Fridge.

42:53 Adam Yeah. It's a long one syllable word. Flick.

42:55 Caller Okay.

42:56 Adam I'll say what the fridge, the way she said it.

42:59 Drew Okay.

43:00 Adam Because we do, we hear the S bomb and the F bomb sort of sneak in, but we rarely have it just come knocking on the front door, come right through into the entry hall, you know? It usually goes in through the back or into the kid's window.

43:12 Drew This was the main course.

43:13 Adam Yeah. She was like, and I had a black guy start throwing stuff all over the place, and I woke up the next morning and I looked around and I was like, what the French? Hell yeah. Now look, a lot of people don't look at that as a sort of indicator of stupidity. I do. When people either don't know where they are, you want to know what stupid is? You know when you turn on cops and you see the guy in his underpants and he's got a wiffle ball bat and he's holding the cops at bay on his front lawn?

43:50 Drew That's another tape we need to hear by the way.

43:52 Adam That's stupid. He doesn't know where he is.

43:54 Drew It's also intoxicating. It's also unregulated aggression too. When people have really serious aggression, it comes out.

44:01 Adam Yeah, but let me say this too. I go to Jimmy Kimmel's house every Sunday. I sit there amongst a bunch of guys who put down six, seven beers. Nobody jumps up on top of the TV set with a bat or the fireplace poker and tries to take other people on.

44:15 Drew But you had friends like that, remember? Who would run around the hall.

44:18 Adam That's true. I did.

44:20 Yeah.

44:21 Adam Janet.

44:22 Drew Yeah, please.

44:23 Adam My God, are you dumb?

44:24 Drew Please. I'm sorry.

44:26 Adam OK, so obviously you're abused. Speak slowly, because again, when you're dumb and you start, it's like jumping off a skateboard going down a hill. You take a step and a half face plant. Go slowly. Your your your mouth will move faster than your brain.

44:42 Caller Sorry.

44:43 Adam Go ahead, Janet.

44:45 Caller I was abused. I was sexually abused by my brother.

44:48 Drew All right. So having having had experiences like that, you know, I don't want to say guarantees you, but it sets you up very likely to have post-traumatic stress type of issues, dissociative disorders, unregulated aggression, mood disturbances, personality issues. And of course, chaos in your relationship.

45:05 Adam How long did this go on for?

45:08 Caller I honestly don't remember much about it. I was between it happened for two years, supposedly after I confronted my brother about it recently through counseling. And what he said was it was between ages three and five for me. And my mom figured it out because I was lying and telling people stories about random things.

45:28 Adam Was he, was your brother in the counseling session with you?

45:31 Caller When we, when my mom figured it out, I guess he had to move out and went through counseling and did jail time and yada yada yada. But well done. And then I went through counseling for quite some time. And then when I got to puberty and started having sex, it was like I finally realized what he had done. And so we had to go back to counseling because I couldn't even be in the same room with him. Like I had forgave him when I was younger because I didn't really understand.

46:00 Adam Yeah.

46:02 Drew The wiring, the issues that that sets up really develop fuel when the puberty hits. And what you experienced the other night was not so much post-traumatic stress disorder so much as a dissociative episode. And dissociation is how children manage these overwhelming experiences like sexual abuse and it affects how your brain develops. And so you have to go back into counseling and work specifically on these kinds of issues.

46:24 Adam No, no kids in the meantime. Let me just say this again one more time. We need to punish these people. And the reason these people need to be punished is for this reason. You shouldn't be punished for the year or the episode or the whatever. You should be punished because you have a 20-year-old adult woman now who's still reliving this horror.

46:46 Drew And will do so and will bring it upon many, many other people.

46:49 Adam That's right. Like the Ace Man. Take a quick break. Be right back after this.

46:55 Alright, guys, here's the deal.

46:56 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:00 Drew One call is all you need to make.

47:01 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:02 Drew 877-889-DATE.

47:05 Call the Dateline.

47:44 Adam Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Now, I gotta tell you something, Drew, we didn't talk about the changing of the time over the last few days.

47:53 Drew It's kind of weird.

47:54 Adam It's good. We're always into it.

47:56 Drew Because it gives us that extra hour.

47:58 Adam Yeah, we come in here.

47:59 Drew Very grateful for that.

48:00 Adam Yeah. Six months ago, we can't come in here. There's a funeral going on because we've lost an hour on a Sunday.

48:06 Drew Right.

48:07 Adam Can't believe it. I go to bed with a with a S eating grin on Saturday night because I know when I wake up the following morning at nine, it's going to be eight. And I'm loving it. But let me tell you where I got jammed. I have one of these clocks. And I would suggest everyone get these things. They're cheap. They're 25 bucks or whatever. It actually projects the time on the ceiling. And it's nice because you don't have to roll over and find the alarm clock kind of thing. So I will check this thing 300 times a night because I don't sleep. I don't sleep right. I'll watch. I'll watch it. You know, it's 431, it's 435, it's 441, it's 454. I go right on through. And then sometimes in the morning, that same thing, I literally check it like 12 minute intervals. I was looking at this thing laughing. And I'm like, yeah, 730. Yeah, right. 630, that's what time it is. That's my whole thing was, no matter what it says up there, I can just go ahead and deduct an hour. So I'm lying in there at 930. I'm like, yeah, but it's 830. Feeling good about myself. Until my wife points out, oh no, it changed on its own at 4am. And I was like, what? Yeah, the clock changes. You know, it's a smart clock. It gets an impulse from a satellite or something. And it just go ahead and changes the hour for you. And I'm like, so it's it's really 10 10 pointing at the ceiling. Yeah. Mocking me.

49:37 Caller Damn you.

49:38 Adam It's that thing where the camera jib shot pulling away from me. Birds flying away. I was like, well, it's 9 10, right? No, 10 10. All of a sudden, I'd been raped.

49:50 Drew I was like, oh, at least you got to think I think positive. At least it's not 11 10.

49:55 Adam No, but whatever I got out of that hour was completely taken away, nullified by me, looking at this stupid thing on the ceiling since 4 30 in the morning and laughing each hour. So pathetic.

50:08 Drew That's pathetic.

50:09 Adam God damn, that is pathetic. I don't even think I'm going to talk about that. It's so pathetic. I'm going to keep that to myself. Where were we?

50:18 Drew You go Dave's fine.

50:19 Adam Dave? All right. Dave?

50:22 Caller What's up guys?

50:23 Adam 24?

50:24 Drew Yep.

50:25 Adam What's up?

50:29 Caller I wanted to know if any of the quote unquote male enhancement drugs on the market like Anzite actually work.

50:36 Adam No.

50:37 Drew Viagra works. That's it.

50:39 Adam Nothing works. Here's the thing that works.

50:42 Drew Surgery? Vitra, Viagra, and Salus will give you an erection that doesn't go away.

50:47 Adam The boner drugs work and the surgeries work.

50:49 Drew Surgery gives you about 30% more girth and about another inch, inch and a half length.

50:53 Adam And look, it's one of these things too where it's like, look, if you're willing to hook yourself up to some 2000 PSI pump for four hours a night, you might get an extra three sixteenths of an inch on the dork length. Or if you want to just go ahead and hang dumbbells from it and walk around, you might get a little something. On the other hand, if you put yourself on a rack, if you slept on a rack and stretched yourself, over the course of 20 years, you might go from six one to six one and a quarter. You know what I mean?

51:22 Drew Right.

51:23 Adam I'm not saying that you can't get an extra half inch if you tie weights to your junk, but, eh.

51:30 Drew For what ends, and it almost, with that exception, means you have something wrong with your self-esteem.

51:35 Adam Yes.

51:35 Drew Or unless you really have a serious anatomic problem, because 85% of men are in this five and a half to six and a half range.

51:42 Yeah.

51:43 Adam Oh.

51:44 I mean, oh.

51:45 Adam I mean, man, I feel sorry for those dudes. Yeah.

51:48 Drew Me too.

51:49 Adam Yeah. And they manage to get laid, and it's not like, here's the thing that always drives me nuts with the dudes and the dorks and the chicks. Chick don't know how you're hung before you get her home and really doesn't usually care.

52:02 Drew We don't get calls every night about that. They're not being the right size.

52:06 Adam The chicks say the guy is too small.

52:07 Drew We get the call rarely when guys are really like, you know, pinky fingernail kind of thing.

52:12 Adam Here's the deal. When you're out meeting women, your job is to act like a guy who symbolically has a huge penis. Right. Symbolically. Don't act like the guy who's self-conscious about his penis. That guy doesn't get laid. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The guys with the small penises aren't getting laid, are not getting laid, not because they have a small penis, but because they act like a guy with a small penis.

52:40 Drew They don't, right. The penis is just a symbol. Just a symbol.

52:44 Adam That's right. All right.

52:45 Drew Talk to Matt.

52:46 Adam Matt. All right. Matt.

52:49 Caller Hello?

52:50 Adam 24. Yes. What's up?

52:54 Caller Yeah, Adam. I just like to point out in case, I don't know if you read the entertainment news, but recently, you know, your Too Late Show where you had Andy Dick and you played that game, Gay, Straight, or Dead.

53:04 Adam Yeah.

53:04 Caller You might have influenced someone to come out of the closet because have you seen that George Takei just came out of the closet?

53:13 Adam Yeah.

53:13 Drew What's this then?

53:14 Adam George Takei. Well, Andy Dick was on the show last week or the week before. We decided to play a little game show called Gay, Straight, or Dead. I named the celebrity, you tell me, Gay, Straight, or Dead?

53:26 Drew This is where the whole Richard Dawson thing came up?

53:28 Adam Richard Dawson, the old Family Feud host came up. It was a little bit confusing if you picked the right people.

53:34 Drew Yeah.

53:34 Adam And we sort of had fun because we'd pick Richard Simmons and say, no, straight. We called this publicist today. Promised he was straight. So we picked George Takei, who was Sulu from Star Trek.

53:51 Drew Right.

53:52 Adam And you remember him?

53:54 Yeah.

53:55 Adam And Gay, Straight or Dead. And I think Andy Dick said dead. And we were like, no, straight. He's alive and straight. And then two days later at age 90 or whatever he is, he comes out. Oh, by the way, everyone who doesn't care, I'm gay. So it's a weird thing that you're playing some stupid trumped up game called Gay, Straight or Dead. And one of the guys who's 80 years old comes out and decides to let everyone know two days later he's gay.

54:27 Drew Maybe maybe had an influence.

54:28 Adam I never, ever, ever think that way.

54:31 Drew I know.

54:32 Adam Pure coincidence.

54:33 Drew Yeah.

54:34 Adam But interesting. And nice of you to bring it up, man.

54:37 Caller Thanks.

54:38 Drew That's it?

54:38 Caller The reason I called in is I've had an on again, off again problem with insomnia for basically as long as I can remember. I mean, not, not the complete words, like I'm up all night, you know, not sort of like, you know, the movie kind of insomnia, where I just, I have extreme trouble getting to sleep. And the funny thing about it was it wasn't until like it got serious when I was in college, that it started, like I started actually checking it out, wondering if there was any problems. Well, checking it out kind of long. I never actually saw anyone. But when I was, because when I was young, I remember like at times I'd ask my parents, I was like, how am I supposed to get to sleep? And they'd be like, well, you just kind of lie down and you close your eyes. And I'm like, damn, that's what I'm trying.

55:17 Drew How much do you, how much sleep do you need a night?

55:20 Caller I need like between six and eight hours because if I get less than, yeah.

55:25 Adam Dave Lincoln only slept for 10 minutes a night. Donald Trump sleeps for less than that. I hate those blowhards.

55:33 Drew I know.

55:33 Adam And hold on, don't you hate those a-holes? And how does that ever really work? They're like, George Washington slept for three hours a night. And it's like, and they always name these greats, Thomas Edison, whoever. Now I think they'll say guys like Trump and stuff. But hold on, did they go to bed at four a.m. and get up at seven a.m.?

55:57 Drew No, I know guys like that.

55:59 Adam Or.

55:59 Drew They're all surgeons now. And they would go to bed at two and get up at six.

56:03 Adam For a period of time to go to work or whatever. For years. They'd sleep 14 hours on a Sunday, though.

56:09 Drew These guys didn't seem to need it. It's weird. Some people don't need them.

56:12 Adam I'll tell you, I've always been fascinated by this. This is, it's one of those things, like to me, it's like the razor blades in the candy thing. Like really, whoever got one of those? And what do you mean?

56:25 Drew They were a bunch of them in medical school. And they were not walking. If that were me, I'd walk around tired all the time. No, no, no.

56:31 Adam Well, they were getting in the pharmaceuticals. But the point is, a lot of nose candy back then. It was the 80s, true. My point is people can rally. Actually, guys can rally. Chicks can't do this, but guys will do this. I've done it, you've done it. I've done it for extended periods of time. You have too. But let's face it, three days in a row of sub four sleep nights and you're walking around like a zombie. I don't trust, here's all I'm saying. These greats from the past, what do they do? Go to bed at 10 o'clock at night, just wake up at 1 a.m.?

57:03 Drew Most of them had bipolar disorder.

57:05 Adam Right.

57:05 Drew Most of them were manic and all that. And when they are manic, sleep a couple of hours a night.

57:09 Adam No, I understand that, but there are people that say I didn't sleep a wink. You know, my wife will say I didn't sleep a wink all night. I look at you five times, you're sawing logs. It feels like they're not sleeping.

57:20 Drew That is sleep hygiene. All my addicts get that when they get sober for six months. We can watch them snore for eight hours and they will get up and go, I didn't sleep at all last night. And what happens is they have frequent arousals. Every three minutes, like you, they look at the ceiling. And they have arousals and they don't have deeper REM sleep. They have normal kinds of sleep cycles.

57:39 Adam It's crappy sleep, but your head hit the pillow at midnight and lifted off at 7.45 and let's not call that two hours sleep.

57:46 Drew Right. All right.

57:47 Adam I'm just saying I don't know that these people exist. I know they can exist for a period of time. I just want to strangle all the people that do that. I would like to add another few hours in the day so that I could sleep more.

57:58 Drew So Matt's none of these guys because he needs 6 to 8 hours sleep a night. Now my question for Matt is was when you were a little kid, was there a lot of chaos or trauma or drama going on in the house when you were at night? When you were in bed?

58:09 Caller I wouldn't say so relative to most of your colors. I mean, not a lot of chaos when I was younger. When I got older, I got kind of, I don't know, I ended up becoming more like my father, which is more sort of, I kind of got more tense. And I mean, that's sort of the way I am now. I'm very kind of internal in how I-

58:30 Drew Do you have an anxiety disorder? And there's many reasons people have trouble going to sleep. Depression is one, anxiety disorder is another. And a common one is nocturnal trauma. If you were sexually abused in your bed or your dad would come home drunk and burn the house, that kind of thing. That stuff that would make sleep permanently altered.

58:46 Adam Did you not feel safe when you went to bed?

58:49 Caller No, that was not the case.

58:51 Drew All right. He's described really kind of an anxiety disorder, which is a common cause of insomnia. And that's something that could be treated. The SSRIs treat that very effectively. And if you really have trouble, why not check it out?

59:03 Adam The serotonin reuptake inhibitors?

59:05 Drew Yes, that can help with anxiety.

59:07 Adam Really? Well, that helps with anxiety, but is that with the sleep?

59:11 Drew If you can treat the anxiety, the sleep will come on normally.

59:15 Adam I think I'm a bad sleeper because I was frightened when I would go to bed as a kid. I was always on guard.

59:21 Drew Because you didn't have a safe home. Right.

59:25 Adam My house was dark and ugly and scary and weird, and my mom would lock herself in a room, and I felt like I had to sleep with one eye open in case there was trouble. I think I kept that vigilance. Yes. And that's why I notice everything. Now, where are we going, Drew?

59:43 Drew And there are many other psychiatric symptoms associated with sleep disturbances and bipolar disorder, even things like certain, like you're talking about, ADD type things where people have super vigilance about things.

59:53 Adam Yeah. Well, let's talk to Russ. Russ?

59:56 Yes?

59:57 Adam You're 27?

59:58 Caller Yeah.

1:00:00 Adam It says on the screen that you suspect your dad wants to molest your yet to be born daughter.

1:00:05 Caller No, that's not really right.

1:00:07 Drew She's been conceived yet?

1:00:08 Caller No, she's going to be born in about two months. I suspect that he may have, I think he may have abused me. I'm not sure. But basically, my dad and I don't spend a lot of time together. But he has expressed that when she's born, he's going to be around a lot. And I actually want to just flat out tell him that he cannot. I certainly don't want him to ever be alone with her.

1:00:40 Adam Okay. Well, let's try to break this down.

1:00:42 Drew Why is he not in your life now?

1:00:44 Caller He is. He lives an hour from me. I see him every few months. We get along fine. I'm just not close with my family, really. We don't talk on the phone. I don't see him regularly. Maybe I'll see him once every two or three months.

1:00:57 Drew Why don't you just keep it that way and keep him under careful supervision?

1:01:00 Caller Well, he has told me he's going to be around a lot.

1:01:03 Drew Well, you're a big boy and you can determine. It's your household. You can determine how much he's around.

1:01:09 Caller But what I want to know is, again, it's just a suspicion. I have memories of things and I don't want to really confront him. And actually, what I'm worried about is that I'm wrong, that he never did anything too serious. And is there a way with therapy or with hypnosis or something where I can actually find out for sure?

1:01:31 Drew The easy answer is no.

1:01:35 Adam You got to come out here and we got to thump you like a melon. We can tell.

1:01:39 Drew Based on your relationships and your sexual orientation, that kind of thing.

1:01:42 Adam Yeah, let me, let me, let's just put it this way. If your father sexually molested you, you should be a basket case. That is a tough one to get past.

1:01:54 Drew You should have a lot of confusion about your sexual identity. You should have difficulty being close to people. You should feel overwhelming and threatening.

1:02:01 Adam Male on male experimentation in the high school.

1:02:05 Caller Yeah.

1:02:05 Adam You, you monkey around with other kids when you were younger sexually.

1:02:09 Drew Right.

1:02:09 Adam Any of that?

1:02:10 Caller I did a little bit of that, yeah.

1:02:12 Adam Ooh. Little, little of that when you were younger. What about after that?

1:02:17 Caller I've thought about it when I got older, but I've never actually did anything.

1:02:20 Drew Could it be that the kid on kid stuff was perpetrated on you? And maybe that's where some of your stuff confusion has come from?

1:02:28 Caller You mean another child on me?

1:02:29 Drew Yeah, maybe the child was the one that first was the one that actually acted out sexually on you? Maybe it wasn't your dad?

1:02:35 Caller I really don't know who it could have been.

1:02:36 Drew I mean, you said you did it to other children.

1:02:40 Caller Well, no, I didn't really hurt anyone, but I remember like dry humping, like when I was 11, some nine-year-old girl, I remember kind of rubbing against her.

1:02:53 Adam Yeah, we'll label that abnormally normal.

1:02:57 Caller Yeah. But hold on. I don't know if it's, I know it's not normal what he did, but the thing is the memory...

1:03:04 Adam Hold on a second.

1:03:05 Drew There's a bogus quality.

1:03:05 Adam There's a bogus quality.

1:03:06 Drew I just got it from the moment he started talking.

1:03:08 Adam Yes, yes.

1:03:09 Drew I don't know what, but he's good though. He's good, so we got to go with it.

1:03:12 Adam He's good, but not so good that we both weren't thinking bogus.

1:03:15 Caller Yeah.

1:03:16 Caller Hello.

1:03:17 Caller Hello.

1:03:18 Adam Yeah.

1:03:18 Caller I'm sorry. I'm not, it's not bogus. I'm just really, this is a kind of, I'm nervous. But can I just tell you about my father? Because I don't know.

1:03:27 Adam Yeah.

1:03:27 Drew Here comes.

1:03:28 Caller The thing that I know for sure is that he used to-

1:03:30 Drew Mason Jar.

1:03:31 Adam Hold on a second. Here's how you know it's not coming, Drew. You announced it was coming.

1:03:35 Drew Right.

1:03:36 Adam Now I know it's a real call.

1:03:37 Drew It's a real call, you're right.

1:03:38 Adam Drew made his proclamation.

1:03:40 Drew All right, Russ, what's that again about your dad?

1:03:42 Caller Well, he used to, I used to wake up in the middle night and he was, he would have his tongue in my ear or on my neck and he would be kissing and sucking my neck and my ear. So I don't think there's anything like rape, but to me that's, I don't want it. I mean, that's not normal, I know, but that's not necessarily.

1:04:04 Drew I declare this bogus.

1:04:06 Adam I declared bogus too. We both declared bogus, Russ.

1:04:11 Caller Well, I understand the Geneva Conventions of boguosity and I'm not, it's not bogus.

1:04:18 Drew All right, we'll keep going.

1:04:19 Adam Okay, we understand now, we understand the convention of boguosity, that if this is bogus, we're obliged, you are liable to be crushed by a crane tomorrow, if you continue down this karmic path.

1:04:33 Caller 100% true.

1:04:34 Adam Okay, well then we will continue.

1:04:36 Drew All right, so dad is good.

1:04:37 Adam It sounds to me like your dad did some drinking.

1:04:41 Caller He did no drinking. He's a very straight-laced. He doesn't even smoke.

1:04:46 Adam Exactly what I was thinking, exactly.

1:04:49 Caller He is a, he's not diagnosed, but I think it's pretty clear to me that he has some kind of OCD or something because he does things with counting and he-

1:04:58 Adam Well, the nibbling on the-

1:05:00 Drew I wonder if he's schizophrenic. I mean, that's a bizarre act.

1:05:03 Adam All I could think of was the nibbling on the ear and the licking on the neck, which is a guy who just came in sloppy, drunk.

1:05:08 Yeah, just who was next to him.

1:05:10 Caller Like, ehhhhh.

1:05:12 Caller It's just a guarantee. He's just definitely not drunk.

1:05:15 Adam What-

1:05:15 Drew tell me about this counting and ritualistic stuff.

1:05:17 Adam He's a hoarder.

1:05:18 Caller He hoards things.

1:05:20 Drew Yeah, I bet you he's schizophrenic. I bet he's a low-level schizophrenia.

1:05:23 Adam My dad's a hoarder too. He hoards air. Open his wallet, poof, poof. Big breeze hits you right in the face.

1:05:34 Drew Must be nice, refreshing.

1:05:35 Adam Poof.

1:05:37 Caller He's an air hoarder.

1:05:39 Drew So having a dad.

1:05:40 Adam My dad had one of the greatest, most extensive collections of air on the West Coast. Oh, as a kid, it was a joy walking in the living room, seeing his air, walking into the garage, seeing his air collection, having him open his wallet.

1:05:55 Drew Poof. Air where the television should be.

1:05:58 Adam Air where the stereo should have been there. Hey, I could remember playing a little Pop Warner or high school football, looking off into the stands.

1:06:07 Caller Poof.

1:06:08 Adam Just air where my dad would be standing. Yeah, what a collection of air. Awesome.

1:06:14 Drew Unfortunately, not even hot air.

1:06:16 No, just air.

1:06:18 Drew More vacuum than air.

1:06:19 Adam Just air. Air when it came to travel, air when it came to hobbies, air for everything.

1:06:26 Drew It's good.

1:06:27 What a collection.

1:06:28 Drew I'm curious about mom. Russ, what was your mom like?

1:06:32 Caller She kind of ignored us.

1:06:35 Adam What did your dad do for a living?

1:06:37 Caller Worked, he drove a forklift, a warehouse.

1:06:43 Drew Tell me about mom again. What was she like?

1:06:45 Adam Well, you can't drive a forklift in a china shop.

1:06:47 Drew Not how she treated you.

1:06:48 Adam It's gotta be a warehouse.

1:06:49 Drew Not how she treated you. What was she like? What kind of person was she?

1:06:52 Caller She talks about it now like she was a great mom, but she ignored us. She locked herself in her bedroom and locked on the phone and we were out alone together.

1:07:03 Adam So your mom was depressed. Would that be right?

1:07:07 Caller Definitely.

1:07:08 Adam And poor woman was married to your dad.

1:07:12 Caller Yeah.

1:07:12 Adam Yeah. All right. Here's the thing, Russ. You have not done anything that would lead us to believe that you were really traditionally sexually overtly sexually abused. Your mom sounds like she was abandoning and depressed.

1:07:32 Drew That's traumatic.

1:07:33 Adam Your dad seems like he probably could have been medicated for whatever he was on.

1:07:36 Drew Was he ever like, we ever talking to himself or responding to things that weren't there?

1:07:41 Caller I think, yeah, he would he would mumble to himself.

1:07:43 Drew Yeah, yeah, this all sort of adds up to that.

1:07:46 Adam I'm going to go ahead and label the families F'ed Up but Harmless.

1:07:50 Drew Yeah, it just just and you and Russ actually sounds okay. But he's got anxiety because he was living in that sort of unsafe, chaotic, unavailable environment. He's got to sort of get a handle on that.

1:08:01 Adam Well, here's the thing too. Sometimes people are horrible parents and there's nothing to hang your hand on. Well, your dad was horrible.

1:08:10 Drew Well, he's mentally ill, too, his mental illness.

1:08:12 Adam Yeah, and that's in a way, it's hard to blame him. But there is that kind of thing where it's like, your dad was a horrible dad. What was he an alcoholic? No. What did he sexually abuse you? No. He physically abused you? No. Verbally abused you? No. Well, how bad could he have been? Still pretty bad.

1:08:29 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:08:30 Adam And I think Russ is looking for something to hang his hand on. It won't stay.

1:08:33 Drew He's listed to our show where we mostly talk to trauma survivors and there's ways to be traumatized sort of chronically that don't include these sort of explicit events.

1:08:42 Adam So I would say to Russ, who I like because he's not going by Russell, he's Russ, I would say have your child, do not make the same mistakes your parents made with you on your child.

1:08:52 Drew Your parents deserve supervision when they're around the kids.

1:08:55 Adam Yeah, but I wouldn't look at your father as a threat.

1:08:58 Drew A predator. He's not a predator.

1:09:00 Adam Okay, let's take a little break. We'll be right back after this.

1:09:03 Caller Loveline, Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

1:09:06 Caller The phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:09:08 Caller We'll be right back.

1:09:10 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Zestra Feminine Arousal Fluid.

1:09:13 Caller Rediscover your intimacy.

1:09:14 Adam Rediscover yourself with Zestra. Yeah, Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Rachel likes older men, specifically her 40-year-old boss. Rachel?

1:09:38 Yeah.

1:09:39 Drew Is that right?

1:09:40 Caller Yeah.

1:09:41 Adam You're 20?

1:09:42 Caller I'm 20.

1:09:44 Caller And?

1:09:49 Caller For probably like, as long as I can remember, I've just been like super attracted to older men, like much older men. And I just want to know like, what the heck is going on? Because that's kind of weird.

1:10:04 Adam Your boss is 40?

1:10:06 Caller Yeah.

1:10:07 Drew What kind of work do you do?

1:10:09 Caller Like at a sandwich store, kind of cafe.

1:10:12 Drew He must be something. Yeah, a 40 year old sandwich store owner.

1:10:16 Adam There's got to be a word that's sort of, is it notch above mover and shaker that can describe this guy. Trend center.

1:10:23 Drew Dapper.

1:10:24 Adam Entrepreneur.

1:10:26 Drew He's hot.

1:10:27 Adam No, I'm talking from a business standpoint.

1:10:29 Drew Just in terms of the substance of this man.

1:10:32 Adam Oh my God. Sandwich shop. He's a good looking guy?

1:10:37 Caller Um, yeah. He's like in shape and stuff.

1:10:40 Adam Does he own the place?

1:10:42 Caller Yeah.

1:10:44 Drew Mm-hmm. So you want to give us some clues? Did your dad abandon the family when you were 10?

1:10:50 Adam What do you guys do? You do fries? Or you do that cop out potato chip stuff?

1:10:54 Caller No, we're all homemade. Everything.

1:10:57 Drew With Seattle.

1:10:58 Adam You guys have coleslaw?

1:11:01 Caller I know.

1:11:03 Drew I know. How dare you?

1:11:04 Caller Well, kind of.

1:11:05 Adam Hold on a second.

1:11:07 Drew Good coleslaw is great.

1:11:09 Adam Bad coleslaw is great.

1:11:11 Drew Bad coleslaw is just mayonnaise.

1:11:13 Adam I don't care. It's just a bunch of corn syrup, vinegar, and mayonnaise. It still tastes good. I'll tell you how you know bad coleslaw is good. The Colonel's coleslaw is excellent, and you know it's horrible coleslaw.

1:11:24 Drew You'll eat it. Yeah.

1:11:25 Adam Oh, you'll eat it.

1:11:26 Drew Yeah.

1:11:27 Adam Kentucky Fried Chicken has great coleslaw, and I'm sure it's horrible coleslaw.

1:11:30 Drew Right, right.

1:11:31 Adam And if that coleslaw can be good, any coleslaw can be good. Well, that's how you know coleslaw is good.

1:11:36 Drew You're right.

1:11:37 Adam I am so tired of the homos that have hijacked this town and got rid of all the real food. Do you know what's happened? Here's what happened. Every gay guy in Los Angeles has opened a restaurant or a sandwich place or a cafe, and now they stop serving real food.

1:11:55 Drew It's all sort of designer food.

1:11:56 Adam Oh, hoity-toity. You'll go in there and it's like, what do you got for soup today? What's the soup special? They're like, we got the gazpacho, we got the ginger carrot. Of course, nothing has, there's no animal products. It's all cold. We serve cold soup. The ginger carrot is a broth. It's really just a clear cold liquid. But it's essentially water with a carrot floating in it. And the gazpacho, that's carrot ginger too. We just call it gazpacho. It's like, you guys got any beef and barley or vegetable? Or how about a chicken noodle?

1:12:37 Drew Lentil.

1:12:38 Adam No, no, just that we got the ginger carrot. Okay, how about some coleslaw with that sandwich? No, we don't have coleslaw. We got like a Caesar salad. We have an endive and grass clippings and greens.

1:12:51 Drew Walnuts.

1:12:52 Adam Yeah, we got some, yeah, with candied walnuts.

1:12:55 Drew And grapes.

1:12:56 Adam And grapes and green apples. Okay, you got something though that's got a little cheese on it and some iceberg lettuce and maybe a little chicken or something? No.

1:13:07 Drew Cheese, you know, has tyramine and estrogens and therefore we only serve the most healthy organic products.

1:13:14 Adam Oh, could we get a straight guy to buy a sandwich place in this goddamn city so I could get some coleslaw? And here's the thing too, you should not be able to have a sandwich shop and not have coleslaw. There's nothing worse than that. There's nothing worse than when you order the burger, even the burger, the burger. Oh, okay, give me some fries and some coleslaw. Then we don't have, we have an herbal chip that's made of arugula and mixed in with the bark of the jubanji tree.

1:13:45 Drew I had In-N-Out tonight. Oh, that's hamburger.

1:13:48 Adam Let's look, here's the thing, people listening nationally don't know because they won't expand. But look.

1:13:54 Drew It's just your White Castle.

1:13:56 Adam Oh, no, it's not.

1:13:57 Drew I mean, it's, it's how you're attached to it.

1:13:59 Adam Yes, but it's quite a notch up from that. That's it. Everybody else, look how they do it and try to copy them. That's your plan. Don't go your own, don't go your own direction. All right?

1:14:12 Drew So let's finish with Rachel here.

1:14:12 Adam Where? Rachel?

1:14:14 Drew She can tell us about her family of origin. Anything? Anything in your family of origin? Anything we should know about?

1:14:21 Caller My parents had like a really relationship my entire life, but they stayed together for my sister and I were like an upper class, like upper middle class probably. And it was just a horrible relationship. And I have like eating disorder problems and things like that. But I don't know if I'm looking for like a father figure and it's just the size.

1:14:44 Drew It's, I never think it's that simple as, gee, I want to find dad. It's certainly that it's more, I kind of know the way humans operate. It's more that when a guy was traumatizing with an older man was traumatizing to you in the sense that he was maintaining a chaotic relationship with your mom or was unavailable or abandoning, that becomes your focus. So it's not that, it was, the things weren't ideal and I had a good relationship with dad and I really loved him and I want to recreate that. It's more that dad was kind of an a-hole and it was painful and traumatic for me. Now I got to have it in my adult life.

1:15:21 Adam Is this guy married, the 40-year-old sandwich shop owner?

1:15:25 Caller Yeah.

1:15:26 Adam He is?

1:15:27 Caller Yeah.

1:15:28 Adam All right.

1:15:28 Caller Sort of today he just found out that I kind of like him, but he's been giving me pretty clear signs also, but I know, I don't think he'd ever do anything with me, but.

1:15:40 Adam Why did he find out or how did he find out?

1:15:45 Caller We were just talking about it because we talked about a lot of things like explicit things and then just like regular everyday life stuff and when it came up.

1:15:54 Drew He's not a good guy.

1:15:55 Adam He's talking with you about you being attracted to him?

1:15:59 Caller Well, I'm like pretty hot. It's weird to say that, but.

1:16:04 Caller I'm pretty hot?

1:16:05 Adam You're a little loveline reenactment. Drew, you be me.

1:16:08 Drew So you've been talking to him about the fact that you like him?

1:16:11 Adam Well, I'm pretty hot. It's not like she's going to say Holva. I'm pretty hot. Wow. That either means super hot or not so hot. I'm trying to figure it out. I'm going, I'm going hot for a smaller market. You know what I mean? LA, she'd just be hot. But in Seattle, she's and if she was in like Idaho or Alaska, she'd be like. You know, Rachel, I don't think hot's a good word for you. I think you should start using attractive.

1:17:06 Drew It'll roll off your tongue a little better.

1:17:08 Adam All right. So you're good looking. That's all right.

1:17:11 Caller Well, I guess I'm not now.

1:17:13 Drew But here's the deal, Rachel.

1:17:14 Caller This guy's your boss.

1:17:16 Drew He has a responsibility to maintain certain boundaries with you.

1:17:19 Adam That's it, the sandwich shop.

1:17:21 Drew Yeah, but still, it's really, it's sort of quasi-criminal behavior to prey on younger employees and things. It's just a bad, signs of a bad guy. And that you're being hot doesn't excuse him.

1:17:33 Adam Right. Do you understand?

1:17:36 Caller Don't I kind of bring it on myself, though?

1:17:38 Drew No, well, it's interesting you would. Good instinct to evaluate your own role in all of this. That's fine. And I'm certain you do play a role in this. But the guy going forward at 40 with a wife and children, yeah, you may sort of set the soil there, but the guy the guy is rolling down that hill. Bad guy.

1:17:59 Adam Rachel. OK, so today it actually came out that he was attracted to you or you were attracted to him.

1:18:08 Caller I was attracted to him.

1:18:10 Adam And how did you tell him?

1:18:12 Caller Well, he sort of guessed it just kind of like came out.

1:18:18 Adam I would guess it would go a little something like this. As you know, I'm very I like to say, you know, you go to the sandwich shop, you go like the subway and they're wearing the the plastic gloves, like they're disposable plastic gloves. Well, they're not even gloves, they're like wearing a couple of sandwich bags on your hand.

1:18:44 Drew Yeah, yeah, sandwich bags.

1:18:46 Adam Yeah, really?

1:18:46 Caller Parachutes, like, come on.

1:18:48 Adam What's what's the latex ones going to set you back? They probably whip one off on every sandwich, but Rachel, if you guys are talking about you being then you are one step away from making a move and he is one step away from making a move.

1:19:03 Drew And you've mentioned that you talk about explicit stuff.

1:19:06 Adam Yeah.

1:19:06 Drew The guys, guys that their sort of thing is if you can talk dirty with me, you can, you know. Yeah.

1:19:12 Adam Oh, you know, here's the deal. If you're not if instead of being, oh, you're fine. Then we don't get into that. We don't get into that talk. That's how guys are. It chicks out attractive. It's like I had a date this way. That's fantastic, sweetie. Hand me the cornbread. Fantastic. Keep going. He was cute and we went out and OK, there you go. There you go. That's a date. Oh, who's going to cut those tomatoes because they're not going to cut themselves? He took me to a movie. OK, then.

1:19:47 Drew Nickle holding up a dime.

1:19:48 Adam We got a dime holding up a dollar. It's what about that bathroom? It's the last time we dushed that out. Go dush out that bathroom, which we don't cut the tomatoes here. Right. Ugly chicks, we don't want to talk. It's so funny because we don't want to go down that path with them because maybe they're thinking the way Rachel's thinking and we don't want them to think that way. So funny. It must be incredible for those chicks to like go back and be like, I started talking to my boss about sex and he was totally professional. He just kept changing. I don't think there's a sexual bone in his body. Yeah.

1:20:23 Drew Put Rachel in there with him.

1:20:24 Adam Put Rachel there with him. I bet he turns a corner a little bit.

1:20:29 Drew It cracks.

1:20:30 Adam Yeah. So funny. I would love to have like that homely chick version of the guy. Like I think he's gay or asexual. Certainly not into women. And then plug in the hot young chick who want to talk a little naughty at work. Oh, yeah. Guys clearing time on his schedule, his verbal schedule for that. Yeah. Drew, you'd laugh like a maniac if you saw tapes of you, the man of passion. Well, just talking to women you weren't attracted to. It's so funny like them going, well, it's still pretty early. We should maybe go have a night. Come on. I think we're good. What time? Wow. I could be up by noon tomorrow. We should, yeah. And them going, I don't know, he may be gay. No, not into you. That's how it works. All right. So, don't do anything with this guy. He's going to get divorced, crazy. Oh, God, it's a disaster. He'll work around a lot of knives, crazy. Crazy wife's going to come in there.

1:21:35 Drew Yeesh.

1:21:36 Adam Yeah, he's got kids. I'm sure he has kids. Any guy who's 40 and owns a sandwich shop has kids.

1:21:42 Drew Got kids, yeah.

1:21:44 Adam That's a decent gig for your dad to have when you're a kid, though. Sandwich shop.

1:21:48 Drew Oh, for you. Oh, God, the grail.

1:21:53 Adam All right. Should we take a break?

1:21:55 Drew Yep.

1:21:55 Adam Who are we going to talk to when we come back?

1:21:56 Drew One of those two.

1:21:57 Adam Yeah, poor Adam. He's been on hold for 71 minutes.

1:22:00 Drew Let's talk to Adam. Crystal, too.

1:22:01 Adam Poor Crystal's been on hold for 71 minutes.

1:22:03 Drew Let's talk to them both together.

1:22:04 Adam Actually Crystal has Adam beat by almost 35 seconds.

1:22:09 Drew No, no. Adam's got, oh you're right. I was 20 to 72. I beg your pardon.

1:22:12 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:22:33 Caller Yeah!

1:22:35 Adam Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Get it on! No choice but to get it on. So, when we left off, we're going to speak to either Adam or Crystal. Crystal, on hold 77 minutes and five seconds. Adam, 76 minutes and 30 seconds. So, we're going to talk to Granny, who's been on hold for eight minutes.

1:23:01 Drew Perfect.

1:23:01 Adam Now, let's talk to Crystal. Crystal?

1:23:05 Caller Hi.

1:23:06 Adam Go ahead, baby doll. Sorry for the wait.

1:23:08 Caller That's okay. So, like whenever I make out with someone, like I start feeling sick to my stomach. And like I, like afterwards, like I get uncomfortable around them. And it's like, you know, I just don't like want to ever see them again.

1:23:23 Drew Well, some of that's normal, right? The feeling of nausea and whatnot, is sort of an anxiety symptom. And then you don't know how to behave afterwards. And you rather just go away. Have to be confronted with trying to negotiate a relationship.

1:23:36 Adam We do, we always talk on this show about, look, guys, if the lady likes you, you will know about it. But there is a small percentage that sort of gets a little freaked out about guys. And even if they do like the guy, they're sort of mixed ambivalent feelings.

1:23:51 Drew They can't manage it. Can't negotiate it. And that's all right. You'll figure it out. You've got to kind of hang in with this little bit. This is how you learn how to have relationships.

1:23:59 Adam Are you a virgin?

1:24:01 Caller Yeah. I've never made out with a guy that I've actually liked. It's always one or two night stands.

1:24:07 Caller Yeah.

1:24:08 Drew Why don't you go after guys you like?

1:24:11 Caller It's like when I do, when I get really close to them, I end up kind of pushing them away. Like right when we're about to get together, I lose interest in them.

1:24:22 Drew I consider that protective.

1:24:23 Adam Yeah.

1:24:23 Drew That's good. Those are good. Those are healthy impulses at 15. If you're still doing that at 21, give us a call.

1:24:29 Adam What's the over under on the virginity? I turned that into 30 syllables.

1:24:33 Drew 18.

1:24:34 Adam 18. When are you looking to lose it?

1:24:38 Caller I don't know. Maybe like when I'm around like my 20s.

1:24:44 Adam 20s. 20s? When's your birthday? I'll pencil you in if you like. When's your birthday?

1:24:51 Caller September 9th.

1:24:53 Adam September 9th.

1:24:55 Drew Adam can be blind.

1:24:56 Adam What are you looking for? Again, I usually just go on the 18th birthday, but if you want to go ahead and get a spot for your 20th or 21st birthday, I can put you on the calendar. September 9th. What are you looking toward? 20. Let's be realistic. Okay. You know, I know it's all pie in the sky.

1:25:15 Drew Every sign up for 20. You can always put it off.

1:25:18 Adam I've not talked to a 15-year-old chick that wasn't going to be veterinarian and that was going to keep her virginity until her honeymoon. But let's face it, few years later, you've been with 30 guys and you're going to junior college. You're majoring in hacky sack. So let's just be realistic. I'm not saying that's going to be you, Crystal, but I'm saying, let's get away from the pie in the sky, 25, 28. Let's put you down for 19.

1:25:43 Caller 19.

1:25:44 Adam Yeah. I'm going to ink you now.

1:25:47 Caller OK.

1:25:48 Drew It's going to be your place or hers?

1:25:50 Adam Were you out in Modesto?

1:25:51 Caller Yeah.

1:25:53 Drew She'll have to come down.

1:25:54 Adam I'll either fly in or I'll take the van out. OK. OK. All right. We'll get your address off the air. September 9th.

1:26:03 Drew Oh, 2010.

1:26:04 Adam I've run into this. I've run into this before.

1:26:06 Drew 2011.

1:26:07 Adam 2011. Go ahead and get that on the calendar. Real quick. What time were you born? Because I have been screwed on a technicality. Oh, no, you're going to be 19. We're cool. You know, the 18 year olds I've got. I go ahead and do is I'll go ahead and get your birthday date of birth. Go ahead and confirm that. Then I'll put you on my calendar and then I'll deflower you on your 18th birthday. Some people were born late in the evening.

1:26:30 Drew I think the law lets you off on that one.

1:26:33 Adam You think.

1:26:33 Drew Oh, boy.

1:26:34 Adam Oh, you think. But I know differently.

1:26:36 Drew We have a whole bunch of cases now.

1:26:38 Adam Five thousand hours of community service.

1:26:39 Drew Oh, God.

1:26:40 Adam Yeah. Yeah. And that's in Montana. So I got to get back there every weekend for the next 11 years. It's tough. Yeah. Chicks born 1045 in the evening. I came by noon. They're also looking at watch. You know what I mean?

1:26:55 Drew Who knew?

1:26:56 Adam Not me. Not me or any of my van drivers. Yeah. Let's keep moving. We speak to know. Oh, Adam. Yeah. Adam, when's your birthday? So there's a guy still. Oh, that's an expand. Hmm.

1:27:09 March 29th.

1:27:11 Adam March 29th. How's your behind me? Still intact?

1:27:16 Yeah.

1:27:17 Adam OK. Oh, I'll see about noon on the 29th, 2006. You know, OK, it's coming up. Let's get that on this calendar. What's your question?

1:27:28 Yeah, my girlfriend, she has any time like anything touches her vagina or the vaginal area, whether she wearing pants or not, she'll just uncontrollably pass out.

1:27:38 Adam When's her birthday?

1:27:40 Um, June 22nd.

1:27:43 Adam How old is she?

1:27:45 She's 17.

1:27:46 Adam 17. All right. I'll see her before I see you. Oh, no, no, you're going on March. That's right. She's way out in Sunnydale.

1:27:53 Sunnyvale, yeah.

1:27:54 Adam Sunnyvale.

1:27:55 Yeah.

1:27:56 Adam Is that in Southern California?

1:27:58 Um, it's Bay Area, so central.

1:28:02 Adam Okay. What I like to do is I like to line up a few stops. I'll probably make a San Francisco, Oakland stop.

1:28:07 Uh, no, the military would probably kick me out if they found out about that.

1:28:11 Drew You're in the military at 17?

1:28:12 Caller Yeah.

1:28:14 Drew You're ROTC?

1:28:15 No.

1:28:17 Adam You're actually enlisted in this man's army?

1:28:19 Yes.

1:28:20 Drew At 17?

1:28:21 Adam Well, no, you won't go in until after you're 18.

1:28:24 Caller No. Well, I ship out June 22nd, so yeah.

1:28:28 Drew On your 18th birthday?

1:28:29 Caller No, on her 18th birthday.

1:28:31 Adam Her 18th birthday.

1:28:32 Caller Yeah.

1:28:33 Adam Yeah. Why the answer? Why is this? You're 17, you're in the military. Yes, yes I am. 17. Yes I am.

1:28:42 Caller Yes I am.

1:28:43 Adam And you're ROTC. No, I'm in the military. 17 in the military. Well, you won't, but you won't be in the military officially until you're 18. No, untrue, untrue, untrue. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Three months after my 18th birthday.

1:29:00 Drew Yeah.

1:29:01 Adam Because I don't take you before. Well, they'll sign you up and then you start bootcamp or basic or whatever, you know, a month after you turn 18. I like the guys on World War II was like, yeah, I was 13 when I went to Korea. But I told my CO, I was 19 and he gave me a gun. Wow. That's how we used to do it. And during World War II, it's like, look, if you want to say, if you're 15, I want to say you're 18, climb on board, baby. We'll put you right up, ship you right to the front.

1:29:33 Drew What do you mean by any vaginal stimuli? What have you tried and what actually happens?

1:29:38 Caller We were making out and I started groping her and she had warned me before that she might just pass out. And so sure enough, she just dropped.

1:29:48 Drew She was standing up and she fell to the ground.

1:29:51 Caller Yeah. Well, I kind of caught her before she hit the ground. But...

1:29:55 Drew What does she describe?

1:29:57 Adam It's like Spock.

1:29:58 Caller Yeah.

1:29:58 Adam Except for instead of pinching the trapezoidal muscle, boom, backhanded Spock.

1:30:05 Caller It's any sort of stimulation to that area. Even if she does it, she'll pass out.

1:30:10 Adam That is a horrible sign.

1:30:12 Drew Is that a good feeling?

1:30:14 Caller No, it's bad. She generally starts having nightmares and thrashes around in her sleep.

1:30:22 Drew So we know what that means.

1:30:24 Adam Do not get her pregnant.

1:30:26 Caller No, I don't plan on doing so.

1:30:28 Adam Well, nobody plans on doing it, but it happens.

1:30:31 Drew So I would think sexual abuse at a very young age.

1:30:33 Caller Yeah, she already has admitted that.

1:30:37 Adam Are you a virgin, Adam?

1:30:38 Caller Yeah.

1:30:39 Adam Yeah, I think the name Adam adds about three years on to a guy's virginity. This is my personal experience. Going into the army as a virgin, it's tough. Let me tell you this. I'll tell you this. All right, work with her, stay with her. She was abused. It's gonna be tough. A couple of things, Drew. First off, if I'm the military, first thing, first day of boot camp, who here is a virgin? All right, you eight guys, get over here. We got some comfort women over here. They're gonna sexy down and it's gonna be checked off the list. And now you're going into this man's arm because you cannot do battle while you're a virgin. Number one. Number two, imagine going to Iraq, car bomb blows up second day or there. You die with your hymen.

1:31:27 Drew Bad.

1:31:28 Adam Buried with your hymen. Boots on and hymen. Hymen high. Boots on hymen high.

1:31:35 Drew Bad. Bad times.

1:31:36 Adam Bad times. Yes?

1:31:39 Drew Yes.

1:31:40 Adam Drew, imagine being buried a virgin. And here's my thing. You know, they always talk about ghosts that are haunting the house because it's always like she died on her honeymoon and now the beautiful woman in her white dress walks up and down the halls looking for her. I like this idea by the way that these ghosts have some sort of agenda. Like, hey, I'll tell you, after I die, that's when the agenda starts. That's when I get to work, brother. After I'm in the ground.

1:32:11 Drew I'm asserting myself.

1:32:11 Adam That's how I'm going. Unfinished business. Hey, all you people that aren't in trouble now that I'm alive, your ass is grass when I hit the grave because I'm going to be looking for my whatever. But I'll tell you, you tell me the guy died a virgin and he's looking to get laid. I will buy that story.

1:32:28 Drew Well, imagine what you could do if you're invisible.

1:32:30 Adam Yeah. And then what I do is we zoom in, we open the casket, we throw in a hooker, we're like, now he can finally rest. She's in a bad way, but he can finally rest. All right, let's take a little break. We'll be right back. Oh, let me just say this, too. It's great that you're with someone that was horribly abused, but oh man.

1:32:55 Drew He's in for a ride.

1:32:56 Adam He's in for Mr. Toad.

1:32:58 Drew The military is not a bad place for him.

1:33:00 Adam No, gets to go away. Take a quick break, be right back after this. Yeah! Well, that's it, kiddies. We'll be back for the farewell tour tomorrow night. And until then, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.

1:33:52 Caller This has been Love Line.

1:33:57 Adam The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, November 1, 2005