Episode 1000731367179

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content.

1:07 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:13 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:17 Voiceover With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Voiceover There, buddy, it's Loveline, man. That's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Yeah. Here we go. Whoo. Get It On.

1:33 Drew Break it down.

1:34 Adam Get It On. Dropping trowel.

1:38 Yeah.

1:39 Adam What's up there, Drew?

1:40 Drew Not much. What's up with you?

1:41 Adam What happened? The Angels won?

1:42 Drew Angels won.

1:43 Yeah.

1:44 Adam Yeah. Do you know how I like to celebrate when the Angels win? I like to drop trowel.

1:51 Drew You know, it's interesting. I was watching the Yankees and the old Gary Sheffield used to play for the Dodgers. Wasn't on the juice, but magically he shrunk.

1:58 Adam Yeah.

1:58 Drew Shrunk. And all the big head and all that's all gone.

2:02 Adam Well, you know.

2:03 Drew Funny how that works.

2:04 Adam Here's how they do it with the juice, which is a weird thing. Like you see what happened to Mark McGuire's body.

2:14 Drew Right.

2:14 Adam Mark McGuire was built sort of like a basketball player.

2:19 Right.

2:19 Adam He was always a tall guy, but he was probably toward the beginning of his career when he's with the A's. He was six, five, you know, 220, 225. You know, and some of that is you're grown in your man bones and you're not there at 22 or something. But his arms grew, his thighs grew. I mean, he grew dramatically. I mean, he was a different. It was a different build. And guys don't have the chance to be sort of reborn from an anatomical standpoint. You can do a little modification, but you can't trade parts in for new parts.

2:54 Drew All you get for the gaining weight, get bigger and smaller versions of the same thing.

2:58 Adam Right.

2:58 Drew You'll get new parts.

2:59 Adam Yeah. And the thing, the thing that I think rammed some technical.

3:03 Drew We are indeed.

3:04 Adam The thing about it is, you know, when they're like Jose Canseco is just yeah, it was clear Jose Canseco was on the juice. It was also clear that a handful of other guys were on the juice. And look, when baseball players start looking like bodybuilders, that's a pretty clear indication, number one. I like the fact that they always do that thing where it's like, hey man, this guy worked out. It's not like he was a CPA in a field with a bunch of other guys who were crunching numbers all day. He was playing with world class athletes.

3:36 Drew The only way you look at it, bodybuilders with steroids. That's it, period.

3:41 Adam I like the fact that we say that a guy is a professional athlete. Well, the reason there was such a quantum leap between his old self and his new self or his teammates and himself, he started working out.

3:52 Drew No way.

3:54 Adam He's dealing with other professional athletes, is he not? I mean, doesn't the guy in right field work out and the guy behind the plate work out? Isn't everyone working out? It's not a softball team. They're playing Friday nights over at Van Nuys Sherman Oaks Park. These guys are all professional athletes.

4:09 Drew Now, granted baseball, you get sort of sloppier physiques, but if Ron Say started working out, he would not look like Barry Bonds.

4:16 Adam No, no, no, he would not. And then there's that thing, too, where when you know, here's a problem with bad people, when when bad people are sort of dubious types like Konseiko start saying, yeah, look, I got no reason to lie. I gave the guy I gave the guy the injection myself.

4:35 Drew What's with Konseiko?

4:36 Adam Well, he's he's a sociopath. There's no doubt about it. But when he said and he says like he's talking about now, the headphones and all kinds of words, everything's going insane. I wonder if I should just save my A material for for 11 o'clock for air.

4:54 Drew Who knows where this is going?

4:55 Is Michelle about?

4:55 Drew Yeah, when he's you're sitting there with wait, so what's going on?

4:58 Did she switch the thing that I asked her to switch?

5:00 Drew Yes, it's switched.

5:01 We still have a problem.

5:02 Drew We have all kinds of problems.

5:03 What do you guys got going on?

5:05 Drew I hear we hear high pitch sounds and our voice coming back in the strange bowl.

5:09 Adam I've heard worse.

5:10 Drew Yeah, it's been one.

5:10 Adam All right. So the point is, is when Kinseko says, yeah, I used to give I told Rafael Palmera how to do steroids. I gave him a shot in the ass myself and everyone's like, he's a liar. You just make that up. I mean, I understand there's bad guys, but even bad people don't just make stuff up like that.

5:30 Drew This is something in it for them. And what?

5:33 Adam Right, right. I'm just going to single out some guys going to the Hall of Fame and say I did it. And then lo and behold, a month later, it turns out Palmera was on the juice. Now makes you think about think, think about Kinseko and his allegations against McGuire. Hmm. There's another guy he said he gave the juice to. And like I said, just look at a picture of the guy when he was 26 and a picture of the guy when he was 36. Yeah. Okay. All right.

6:01 Drew All right. There we go.

6:02 Adam Are we, we straighten our things out?

6:04 Drew Uh, as far as I know.

6:06 Adam All right. Doesn't sound like to me. I want to give a quick plug to the Adam Corolla Project, which is on this evening, if you're listening to us on Tuesday night. It's Monday night. It's on tomorrow night. Yeah. That is a, that is a good show. You must get on board with. Amy? Amy 18.

6:27 Hello.

6:28 Adam You're 18. What's up?

6:31 Caller Okay. Um, I was recently diagnosed with, um, genital wart. And I, I've been with like quite a few guys and I don't know which one to like talk to you about it.

6:48 Adam You mean which, which one of them has it or which one gave it to you?

6:52 Drew Or which one you've exposed to.

6:54 Caller Um, which one like gave it to me?

6:57 Adam Well, why do you need to talk to them about it?

6:59 Caller Because, um, I don't know like if I could have given it to him or what's going on. Cause I've been with 10 guys.

7:06 Drew Yeah, but you could have given it to nine of the guys. For all you know, it was the first guy.

7:12 Adam Alright, where do you stand on this? I mean, if it's HIV, you better get on the phone.

7:17 Drew Yeah.

7:17 Adam Figure something out.

7:18 Drew Yeah.

7:18 Adam If it's something as prevalent as HPV.

7:21 Drew Yeah.

7:22 Adam Should HIV and HPV be one letter apart? Start with the same letter and end with the same letter.

7:27 Drew I kind of like that when things are so close.

7:29 Adam One of them is half the walking population has, the other will kill you. What, really, just one letter? Just one letter? And there are only four or five letters apart in the alphabet, right? That's how I do it. I do proximity letters.

7:43 Drew Just an elemento apart.

7:45 Yeah.

7:45 Adam I'm just getting over micro and macro now.

7:47 This is too close.

7:49 Drew But yes, it develops. The infection is quickly contagious and develops quickly. It could have been the first guy she was with and she could have exposed the next nine to it. It would be wonderful if she could tell all those guys, they send them an email or something, that she now knows she has it and they may likely have it. But boy, what's your obligation? I would say just the guy you're with.

8:10 Adam The last guy? But I don't know if she's with anyone.

8:13 Drew The last guy. The last guy.

8:14 Adam Alright. You know another couple words that are a little too close. Push and pull. Well push and pull are horrible.

8:22 Drew Macro and micro.

8:23 Adam Enter and exit are a little bit bad too. You know, they're sort of the same. Even north and south take a minute to process rhythmically. But I'll give you an example. I came home the other day, the alarm was going off. And in my house, because the dog had set the alarm off because it was set to away and not stay. But they're right next to each other and they say stay and they say away and you have to hit the stay and not the away or the dog will trip the light sensor or whatever. Now when you're talking to somebody and you say, hey listen, because this is what happened, somebody gave somebody the speech, hey listen, don't press away, hit stay. When you leave and if you hit stay it will be good, but if you hit away it's no good. And then you leave and then an hour later that person standing over the thing, and staying away is echoing in their head. I don't think it means anything. Big words that are different we need to get further apart. The ones that are next to each other on a keypad. Do you know what I mean? All right.

9:26 Drew I just think though that...

9:27 Adam We just need symbols.

9:29 Drew Yeah, but I think when you're looking for the fore and aft of the same thing.

9:35 Adam Yeah. I think we have to contain the same thing.

9:37 Drew You know, like east and west.

9:40 Adam Right.

9:40 Drew We tend to think of the same sounds and we just...

9:44 Adam I know, but...

9:44 Drew They're the same thing, they're just backwards and forwards.

9:47 Adam I know, but here's the problem with east and west, quite honestly. A, I don't read well.

9:52 Drew I know. That's the problem here.

9:53 Adam No, no. I'll tell you the problem. They're rhythmically not that far apart and they take a process... And you're driving the freeway and you have the defroster on and it's raining and the wipers are slapping and you're in some part of Northern California and you're heading towards something and you're looking at the thing. It doesn't smack you in the face and say, no, this is the opposite.

10:17 Drew I think when Primitive Man was developing his language, it was like, Ugg?

10:21 Uggah!

10:23 Ugg and Uggah would be better than push and pull.

10:28 Adam I really would, they really would. At least they're not both.

10:31 Drew It requires reworking of our linguistic heritage.

10:34 Adam Ugg and Uggah don't have the same amount of letters in them and start with the same two. They might start with the same two, but they don't end with.

10:40 You know what I'm saying?

10:42 Adam All right, I'm just saying push and yank, everybody. Now we got a utopia going on.

10:48 John?

10:50 Adam Human factors, they're called.

10:53 Drew What's that?

10:54 Adam This whole thing we're talking about, it's obsessed with. Human factors, when they design the aircraft, they have to, you know, they're laying out the control panel of the aircraft. They can't have the ejection seat in the military fighter be the same size button as the three other, yeah, the one that turns the reverse thrusters on.

11:12 Drew Right, right.

11:14 Adam Right. But I just hung up on someone the other day because the phone was doing that thing where it's like the flash button, I'm looking at it and the flash button is the same as the other eight buttons that are on the thing and I just go ahead and hit talk again and hung up on them because the other phone does that thing and I was on the phone inside the garage and you know what I'm saying, human factor.

11:32 Drew Yes.

11:33 Adam Yeah. Here's the deal. I'm either dumb or don't want to waste too much, too much time thinking about things.

11:39 Drew Right.

11:39 Adam Or a combination of both.

11:41 Drew Yeah.

11:41 Okay.

11:42 All right.

11:44 Adam John.

11:45 Caller Yes.

11:46 Adam I'm telling you when I get hold of the TiVo guy, put the power button from front, front dead center to 43 down and 28 to the left on the bottom. I made the smallest goddamn button on the whole effing remote. I'm going to strangle that little chap. I know he's Japanese. I know it. They're effing with us, Drew.

12:04 Drew In ergonomics though.

12:06 Adam For them, not for Roundeye. They're effing with us. It's a payback for WW2. We're almost sure of it. John.

12:14 Yes.

12:14 Adam Go ahead.

12:16 Yeah. This question actually was for Drew. I was wondering if maybe you can help me explain. For the last couple of years, it's actually kind of become more prevalent. I've had a lot of fantasies with watching women with animals. And I mean, I know that ain't normal. I mean, I don't act on it. I've gone and I've seen shows when I've been overseas and stuff like that. But I don't know. I mean, I search for it like on the Internet and it's just there's that sexual attraction there. And I mean, I don't know why.

12:49 Adam Now when you say overseas.

12:52 Spain. I've seen it in Spain. I've seen it in Italy.

12:58 Adam What kind of shows do they do with animals?

13:01 Donkey shows, horse shows, women with snakes, dogs.

13:08 Adam Yeah. I don't know if I believe this.

13:11 Drew My.

13:12 Adam I've looked for the elusive donkey show myself and never did find it.

13:16 Drew And how do they do the horse?

13:20 I haven't seen a lot of water soil.

13:23 Drew Internet's the horse.

13:24 Adam What have you seen in person?

13:26 In person, I've seen dog and snake.

13:30 Adam Okay. All right. I'll buy that. I've seen a polar bear and an owl.

13:37 Drew Owl?

13:38 Yeah.

13:38 Drew Wow.

13:39 Adam Yeah. Oh, yeah.

13:40 Drew Owl's head's going shh, shh, shh.

13:41 Spinning around. Who the owl?

13:44 Adam Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've seen that. Yeah.

13:47 Drew Well, I don't know that anyone has a definitive explanation for why men develop this. It certainly isn't kind and loving.

13:55 Adam I think they like to degrade women.

13:56 Drew Right. Certainly not kind and loving feelings towards women. It's aggressive and degrading and that kind of thing.

14:02 Adam Where's your mom? How do you feel about her?

14:05 My mother is in North Carolina. I've got no problems with her. I mean, I talked to her on a monthly basis, at least a couple of times a month when she calls up, checks on the kids and stuff, you know.

14:18 Adam How did you do with her growing up?

14:22 I guess we had our problems. I mean, the typical mother-son problems. She left when I was a little, when I was probably about a teenager, just before I signed. I'm in the service. I mean, just before I signed up, she left. I think that was kind of a driving factor why I went in, but.

14:39 Drew What do you mean she left? What do you mean she left?

14:41 She ran off with her boyfriend or whatever.

14:44 Drew When you were how old?

14:46 I was 18.

14:48 Adam Yeah, there's mama issues. Mama, does she drink?

14:53 No, not that I know of. Well, I mean, the case social drink, but nothing.

14:56 Adam All right.

14:57 Drew Well, it's not exactly what you call a dedicated mom. Takes up their boyfriend at 18. That is not normal mom, son issues.

15:05 Adam Yeah. So here's the thing. Your parent now and he said his kids.

15:10 Drew Checking on the kids, yeah.

15:11 Adam Could be, could be step, whatever. Are those your kids, John?

15:16 The oldest is not mine, but the three younger ones are.

15:20 Adam All right. Do you have any girls?

15:22 Two girls, two boys.

15:23 Adam All right. Well, now you got to start acting like someone who cares about girls.

15:27 Right.

15:28 Adam You have to pretend for the next, how old are they?

15:31 The youngest girl is three.

15:34 Adam You have to pretend for at least the next 15, 16 years you care about girls.

15:39 I love my girls to death and I mean, I.

15:41 Caller All right. All right.

15:43 Adam Look, here's the thing. Most guys, here's the thing. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. There's a handful of guys who say, I don't know. Okay, let's put it this way, Drew. Somebody says, I got the latest terrorist video and a cameraman from CNN is being beheaded. Now there's 10 guys in the room. Depending on how stupid they are and what part of the country they're from and all that kind of stuff. There'll usually be three or four guys who want to see it. And hopefully five or six guys that don't want to see it.

16:20 Drew And then two or three that won't see it, refuse to see it. I mean, there are guys that don't want to see it, but will still kind of look.

16:26 Adam Right.

16:26 Drew Yeah.

16:26 Adam Right. I'd say it's almost the same amount with a horse effing a chick.

16:31 Drew Yeah.

16:32 Adam As a matter of fact, sign me up for the horse before the beheading, because one thing is a crime of passion and the other is just murder.

16:43 Drew Yeah.

16:43 Adam I mean, it's sort of that same guy though. There are guys out there that the guy gets a compound fracture in the football game and they want to watch the film over and over again.

16:54 Drew Right.

16:55 Adam I don't trust those guys. I don't want to hang out with any of those guys, but I recognize it and there's plenty of those guys out there. So part of this can just be that. But when you're sort of getting a little obsessed. Yeah, when you're obsessing about it a little bit, now you got a little problem. So here's the deal. You have four kids. It's time to let that stuff go a little bit.

17:14 Drew We have discussed yesterday about how people get momentum with stuff.

17:17 Adam Yes.

17:17 Drew Go ahead and don't indulge this. It's not going to take you in a good direction. Right. Don't, it's not okay, it's not cool just to get into it just because you're into it. Put the brakes on this right now. You got three girls or how many girls you've got. Let's start being respectful to women. Think about what you'd feel like if that were your daughter under that horse. For God's sake. Oh, but weird because she's three.

17:38 Adam Yeah, you can take, you'd take a pony at three, but not a full horse.

17:41 Drew Shetland.

17:42 Adam Shetland, but not a Clydesdale.

17:44 Drew No, no.

17:44 Adam Not a Clydesdale.

17:46 Caller So, ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba.

17:51 Adam All right, so here's the thing, Drew. So let's just figure this out. Whether it's booze, whether it's animal porn on the internet, whatever it is, there's a certain, there's certain percentages of populace. It's just going to be in. They're just in. They're going to have a problem. They're going to have to bottom out. They're going to have to get divorced. They're going to go to rehab. And then there's a certain amount that's just fa. I want nothing to do with it. And then there's all of us in between. And I think this is a bigger population than we ever talk about. We forget about the sort of in-betweeners that really, if you start hanging around with the wrong people and you start boozing a little too much, you could start sliding.

18:26 Drew You can get some momentum.

18:27 Adam You can get a little momentum. On the other hand, you get a good woman, you get a good gig, you hang around with the right people, you don't start that slide. Let's say there's a larger percentage, it's a silent majority. You people need to sort of check, keep yourselves in check. Thank you, Drew. Damien?

18:45 Caller Hello?

18:46 Adam You're 18?

18:47 Caller Yes, hi, Dr. Gio and Adam Corolla.

18:50 Adam Hello, Damien.

18:51 Caller Hi. My question is pretty much me and my girlfriend have been going out for about seven months or so. And I don't know, like, I have to hear Adam in the background.

19:04 Adam So annoying.

19:06 Drew Turn the radio off.

19:09 Caller She's been going deep throat on me. And I'm sorry about that. She's been on deep throat on me. And it's been it's been hurting me for the past two months or so.

19:19 Adam Hurting her.

19:20 Caller Yeah, hurting the back of her throat because of the sh-

19:22 Liar, liar whore, liar whore, and you know it.

19:25 Caller Like, I pounded in, but-

19:28 Adam It's awesome. It would all work. Everything would work for me except for the part where you're a virgin. Your penis, the only mouth that's been in is part of your own. And that was just barely. Just barely.

19:40 Caller Oh no, no.

19:42 Adam Just barely.

19:48 Caller I'm just nervous. I've been listening to the show for a long time.

19:50 Drew Alright, finish up your story. Go ahead. What's the question?

19:53 Caller And just recently, it's been hurting me a lot. I tried to get dome from her and she doesn't want to do it.

20:02 Drew Trying to what?

20:03 Adam Trying to get dome.

20:04 Drew What does that mean?

20:06 Caller Dome?

20:07 Adam Come on buddy.

20:08 Drew I'm so glad he called. I learned something tonight.

20:11 Adam I know. First off, not a question.

20:14 Drew Is there a question here?

20:15 Adam No, there's not a question. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on, Jacko. Let me explain the rules of bogus engagement. Please, everyone. It is really no different than Marco Polo or now Adam Corolla.

20:28 Drew The Shadow Water. Yes. You're out.

20:31 Adam The person, it's incumbent upon them to keep their eyes closed. It's a gentleman's bet. They must keep their eyes closed. When you are, in fact, on terra firma and running around by the side of the pool and the guy yells, fish out of water, you can't slide back in and not say anything. You can play every game that way, but eventually, why?

20:49 Drew It's no game.

20:50 Adam It's not a game. That's the deal. It's like playing chess with somebody over the phone long distance and you just moving their crap around for them and cheating it. You know what I'm saying? You have some dignity. We've been getting bogus calls. I've been calling people on it, and they've not been giving up the ghost.

21:07 Drew I know.

21:08 Adam I don't go for that.

21:09 Drew It's not right.

21:11 Caller It's just bogus.

21:12 Drew Alright, so what's the question?

21:14 Caller The question is today, this morning is when she started spitting up blood.

21:18 Drew What do you mean spitting up?

21:20 Caller Well, she was spitting, she was walking to my car and she started spitting on the ground and there was red stuff in the spit and she said to like, Mike and Ike.

21:29 Drew Her saliva was red.

21:30 Caller I don't know. So she came in my car and we were...

21:32 Drew Wait, wait, wait. Hang on. So her saliva was red?

21:35 Caller Yeah, partly. So she was spitting up his phlegm with like, sort of like some junk in it.

21:39 Drew Hang on, hang on. Coughing up phlegm is different than your saliva getting red. Your saliva can bleed from your gums. If you're coughing up blood, you're coughing something out of your...

21:51 Caller She was just spitting it out like...

21:52 Drew If you were coughing out of your lung, that's a medical emergency.

21:55 Adam Let him get to the rest of his bogus story, would you please?

21:59 Caller No, it's not bogus, but she sits in the car next to me and we look in the rear view mirror, or yeah, the rear view mirror, and she shows, opens her throat, and there's a big red vein that's really swollen and it goes straight, like a straight line, like going down her throat. And I just wanted to know what that is. We were supposed to go to the free clinic, but we haven't made an appointment. It was just this morning.

22:20 Drew Do you have any STDs or anything you might have given her?

22:22 Caller No, I was pretty much a version before her.

22:25 Drew Pretty much, pretty much Adam.

22:27 Caller She got tested in October, and I was the next partner after that.

22:31 Adam All right, take her to the clinic.

22:33 Drew Yeah, it's probably just a bruise back there. I don't know, the bleeding more, it's probably her sinus or something more than anything.

22:38 Adam Yeah.

22:38 Drew But this whole behavior.

22:39 Adam She should say she tripped while running with a churro.

22:43 Drew Yeah, yeah. An old churro.

22:45 An old churro.

22:47 Adam Are there any new ones, Drew?

22:49 Caller Yeah.

22:50 Adam You think there's anything worse for you than a churro?

22:53 Drew No, that about does it. Got sugar, got fat, fried.

22:55 Adam What's the other Mexicans trying to do? They trying to kill us?

22:57 Drew Dough.

22:58 Funnel cake.

23:00 Adam Funnel cake? No, I don't think that's worse than a churro.

23:03 Drew Churro's a little deeper fried, a little more sugar.

23:04 Adam Yeah, you don't deep fry a funnel cake.

23:09 Caller Absolutely, you do.

23:10 Drew Yeah, I think you do.

23:11 Adam You deep fry a funnel cake?

23:13 Drew Yeah.

23:13 Caller I actually made it from scratch once, and it's pretty bad for you.

23:16 Adam I thought funnel cake was just a cake that was round, that had, that came in that, that.

23:22 Drew No, no, funnel cake is like, is like a, it's like a, it's a deep fried bread, like it's made in New Orleans, right? Is that, yeah.

23:28 No. What's the, what's the, what's the cake?

23:31 Adam What's the cake that has the cake mold or cake, whatever, that has the hole in the middle of it?

23:37 Drew It's got that weird. It's a bundt cake.

23:39 Adam It's a bundt cake? Yeah.

23:41 Drew Yeah.

23:42 Adam You know, it's big, and it has a weird thing, looks like a trumpet mute, and a weird thing with a hole in it.

23:46 Drew Yeah, a bundt cake.

23:47 Adam Oh, that's a bundt cake. Oh, I thought that was a funnel cake, because it sits on a funnel.

23:51 Drew A funnel cake is just these woven, deep-fried dough things.

23:54 Adam Oh, yeah, yeah. All right, well, it's a push. Hey, we ought to try to...

23:57 Drew But it has powdered sugar on it, I think, and not steeped in cinnamon and confectioner's sugar.

24:04 Adam Here's my point.

24:04 Drew Cereals and syrup.

24:06 Adam And syrup. Oh, look, I would like to have a battle of the tards between New Orleans and Mexico. So he's trying to poison each other the fastest. And they're like, our first entry is a funnel cake. You guys match that with the churro. Then they put the po'boy sandwich. And you guys come with the huevos rancheros. And it's just an escalating cholesterol battle to see who's eating worse.

24:33 Caller With New Orleans, though, I think that was like evolution because they lived below sea level so that they'd float if they ever got caught.

24:41 They'd just be a great battle.

24:43 Adam They'd win. New Orleans would win on a technicality because on the double fried taco, the Mexicans actually put some actual lettuce. Some of it didn't make it into the deep fryer. And I'm sorry. That looks to me like it grows somewhere. And it was not battered and it was not fried. It was not rolled in sugar. Sorry, New Orleans. You guys take it.

25:03 Drew With the beignets.

25:04 Adam Yeah. And the Mexicans are arguing. They can't believe it. Somebody should have somebody should have brought the breakfast burrito out earlier. All right. Let's take ourselves a little break. When we come back, I'll talk to Justin. Who do you want to talk to?

25:20 Drew Anna Sativa.

25:22 Adam Religious parents that she's by. Oh, that's going to be good. Sativa feels ungovernable when she tries to turn herself on. All right. All that after this.

25:31 Caller Thank you for calling Loveline. Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

25:39 Adam Ready for something new? Try Durex Tingling Condoms. There's sex, and then there's Durex. Yeah, buddy, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191.

26:03 Caller Oh, yeah.

26:05 Adam We're talking during the break about cake. Getting hungry. Deciding that a nice bunt cake would be good.

26:12 Drew That you're not a cake fan.

26:14 Adam Not a cake guy.

26:15 Drew And however, you could be brought around somewhat on the bunt matter.

26:19 Adam I love a lemon cake.

26:20 Drew Lemon bunt.

26:21 Adam And that comes in a bunt form.

26:22 Drew Cinnamon bunt.

26:23 Adam Cinnamon bunt is fine.

26:25 Drew Rum.

26:25 Adam Rum cake, which often comes in a bunt form, is nice.

26:29 Drew And then you mention.

26:30 Adam And then I mentioned the poppy seed.

26:31 Drew We all went wild.

26:32 Adam Delightful. Delightful. Doesn't seem like it, but works very well on the cake. But a nice moist lemon cake. And here's what I realize. I like bunt cakes. They make lemon cake in the sheet cake variety. But you don't see the poppy seed. You don't see the rum. And you don't see the lemon that often. And the non-bunt form, the circular bunt form. And here, the thing I like about the bunt is it symbolizes life eternal. The circle of life. Yeah, it's a cuna macaica. The point, no, it's caca, Drew.

27:08 Caller Drew, you ever realize you always correct me, but it's worse?

27:10 Drew I'm not correcting.

27:11 Adam Well, not correct, but you do a one-up that's worse.

27:13 Drew I can never be as good as you.

27:14 Adam I know, but here's the thing. You gotta do a better one or you can't do one.

27:18 Drew Oh, okay.

27:18 Adam That's the way it goes.

27:19 Drew Got it, but we lost our call now.

27:21 Adam Oh, please, see? Now you're trying to make me feel guilty. Here's my point. If somebody would start decorating bunt cakes for birthday parties, I would be down. Get a nice lemon bunt cake, put a few candles on it, and I would enjoy that, but instead they do the sheet cake and that's where I gotta get off. And Drew is a doctor. Coming up on the cold and flu season, can't we get rid of this archaic practice of people blowing all over their food before it gets distributed amongst the guests?

27:53 Drew Well done. Agreed.

27:54 Adam How come no one has put a stop to this before?

27:56 Drew I know, it's barbaric.

27:59 Caller You think about it.

28:01 Adam Here's a guy, yeah, he's turned 62. That's sick. We're going to put 63 candles on there because one for next year, and then this guy's going to blow his lung out on the cake, and then we're going to split it up. Let's just put it this way.

28:15 Caller Forget it's cake.

28:17 Adam What if it was just lasagna? If it was a pan of lasagna, and a guy was like, would you want any of that lasagna?

28:26 Drew Absolutely not. Here's the other thing. That 62 year old blowing out 62 candles won't have half the viral burden of the three year old blowing out his three candles. These are viral cultures.

28:34 Adam What if my kids are, they're at a birthday party every other week and there's some kid over there who's got a drool bucket hanging on her, and then the retards that put the gag candles on the cake, and to me, who's the joke on?

28:48 Drew Yeah, the public health department should be notified.

28:50 Caller This guy just blew a third snot rocket on your cake.

28:53 Adam Who's the joke on?

28:55 Caller Oh, that's funny.

28:57 Adam I'm going to be eating Snuggies. That is, we are now married.

29:00 Caller Whatever this guy has, I have.

29:04 Adam If this guy is an arthritic hip, I now have it. Through eating this cake.

29:07 Caller Hep C, I have it all.

29:10 Adam Whatever food allergies this guy has, we are now essentially connected. We are Siamese twins because JO over here thought it would be funny to get the candles that don't blow out. We didn't realize it until the guy's fifth heave on to the cake. By the way, sparking, wax dripping all over the place. The company that makes those gag candles should be sued out of business. He could sue everyone for everything. Why not have a guy spitting all over your cake?

29:34 Drew And people passing out from hyperventilating.

29:42 Adam I like it when the gang bang a tape too.

29:46 Caller It's like, all right, now all three of the brothers, everybody make a well, Christ. All three of you got to get, well, they're all birthdays in May.

29:54 Adam So this is everybody, they'll do that with the daughter and the son will gang up on the cake. Or there's this one, grandma is old, but we're going to help her.

30:04 Caller Timmy, help, yeah, it's great.

30:06 Adam Let's spread a little more phlegm. Now there's three or four things rolling around on top of that cake. We don't need to get the candle.

30:13 Caller I'm going to light a fire on top of this dessert.

30:15 Drew Well, let's go ahead and develop some sort of device that we light and people blow out. Some sort of instrument. You know what I mean?

30:22 Adam How about just a digital clock that you can hit a switch on?

30:25 Drew A birthday pyre. A birthday pyre, we light a birthday pyre and it can take a little work, a little challenge too to it.

30:32 Adam Pull you aside.

30:33 Drew Yeah, and a little log for each year.

30:36 Adam I'd be satisfied if someone just plugged in, plugged in just a little light up placard that said birthday and you just pulled the plug out.

30:45 Drew Yeah, there you go. That's all.

30:46 Adam And we don't have to slobber on all over the goddamn cake.

30:49 Drew Yeah, but the pyre was separate from the cake, see?

30:51 Caller I love that part.

30:52 Caller Help me, come on, I'm going to need help on it. Really?

30:55 Adam Why don't you just rub your ass on it and we'll eat that. Better, better chance, rather go that route. True, that's enough, that's enough, that's enough with the candles. Enough already. What more reason to eat pie at home, alone. Anna?

31:13 Caller Yeah?

31:14 Adam You're 14?

31:15 Caller Yeah.

31:16 Adam What's up?

31:17 Caller Well, like, yeah, I'm bi, so yeah.

31:21 Drew How do you know you're bi at 14?

31:23 Caller Well, how do you mean how? No.

31:26 Caller Have you ever been with a girl?

31:28 Adam Have you ever been with a girl?

31:29 Caller I'm with a girl right now.

31:31 Adam Oh, is she there? Is she in the room?

31:36 Caller Oh, yes. No.

31:39 Adam What grade are you in?

31:41 Caller Eight.

31:43 Adam And what grade is she in?

31:45 Caller Eight.

31:47 Adam Eight.

31:48 Drew How do you know you're not lesbian? How do you know you're not lesbian?

31:52 Caller Because I have like a physical attraction to guys, too. So, yeah.

31:57 Drew Were you sexually abused?

31:59 Caller Yeah.

32:00 Drew Okay. Well, this isn't bisexuality. This is the consequences of sexual abuse. What do you mean? When people are sexually abused, they get very sort of confused about their sexual orientation. It's hard to tell what you are because sexuality has all kinds of overwhelming feelings associated with it. Have you had any treatment for that? No. Okay. Well, why don't you get that going? Don't worry about declaring what you are or you're not. You've had some serious trauma. You need some treatment. Why don't you look into that?

32:29 Caller Well, I'm poor.

32:31 Drew I know, but there are those county facilities.

32:32 Adam Kobe is, yeah.

32:34 Caller Hi, uncle.

32:35 Drew Does anybody in your family know?

32:37 Caller Oh, my...

32:38 Caller Yeah, everybody knows now.

32:39 Caller Okay.

32:40 Drew Did the Child Protective Services come in and make a report?

32:43 Caller Well, the cops did.

32:45 Drew All right. Then they try to refer you to somebody for treatment?

32:48 Caller No.

32:49 Drew Okay. Well, that's what needs to happen.

32:52 Adam Hey, uh, Anna. Look, I'm going to give you a couple of choices. You should either get yourself a little help, try to get yourself a little counseling, and contain yourself, or you should just see if there's a strip club open to the junior college somewhere that you could actually... That's a smart thing. That's my new plan. Let's just start putting the strip clubs in the junior college, is that way the chicks don't have to commute? They cover a lot of ground, drunk on champagne and wine coolers, they get in accidents, people get hurt, sometimes innocent.

33:27 Drew What's it going to be?

33:28 Adam Junior strip club, community strip club.

33:31 Drew Community strip.

33:32 Adam I'll go with community. I usually just call it junior college, but I'll go with community in the community college if you put strip club after it. It's also something I could get away with. Where are you going? Honey, I'm going to community strip club. That's like you're going to pitch in. You do a little volunteer work over there. Ladies and Amy, Anna.

33:52 Caller Yeah.

33:53 Adam All right, baby, don't get pregnant. Could you not get pregnant?

33:58 Caller Yeah.

33:59 Adam Could you study and like, what do you want to be? What do you want to do?

34:03 Caller What's your plan?

34:05 Drew Tell us, veterinarian.

34:06 I want to be a rock star.

34:08 Drew Rock star.

34:08 Adam All right. And what do you do? Do you play an instrument?

34:12 Caller Yeah, but I'm a beginner.

34:14 Adam Okay. What do you play?

34:15 Caller Guitar.

34:16 Adam Oh, that's just gonna say harp, you know, the big classical style harp. Hey, Anna. Why don't you channel all your energy and your time into getting really good on the guitar?

34:29 Caller I don't have a guitar.

34:32 Drew You don't have a guitar?

34:33 Caller Oh, okay. Yeah, I get guitar lessons, so.

34:36 Adam Okay. Could you, by the way, what is a guitar these days? Like 40 bucks, 20 bucks? Can't you just go to Walmart and get a guitar?

34:47 Drew No. No?

34:49 Adam Can you get a guitar?

34:50 Drew No.

34:51 Adam Well, guitars are pretty, is it just me because I'm literally a millionaire, or is almost everything beside gas cheap now? I get angry. You know what I mean? You know, electronics, just, but stuff like a baseball mitt or like some equipment or something like that. Like if you wanted to buy a motorcycle helmet when I was a kid, it was, oh, it's 300 bucks and that's a $19.75.

35:12 Drew Right.

35:13 Adam Now it just seems like there's 10 of everything everywhere. It used to be, oh, yo, you want to get a motorcycle helmet, you have to go down to Kawasaki of a Zuzu and wait, you know, and order one. Yeah. And now it's just like, I just go to Sporting Good Story, grab one.

35:27 Drew Go on the computer.

35:28 Adam Go on the, whatever. Everything's around.

35:30 Drew Yeah.

35:31 Adam I know a guitar is, you know, it's made of wood and it's got strings and it's not going to be free, but it's not a thousand dollars. You get one if you're learning to play the guitar. I'm yelling Ann about that. Ann, go get a guitar and spend all your free time and all your extra energy working on the guitar. All right, just don't get pregnant, would you? I'm on damage control now.

35:56 Drew And then look into social services, see if you can get a referral to somebody to talk to because you're going to need some of that, Ann. You really are. All right?

36:03 Caller I guess.

36:04 Adam All right, baby, just don't call the show anymore, all right, please? It's so angry. Sorry.

36:11 Drew You or she?

36:12 Adam Both are. Well, I'm sorry you're sexually abused, but oh man, what a life. What a life. I was just talking to people today about all the people that got effed with that then ruin everyone's life. And that's why.

36:26 Drew No, none more than their own.

36:27 Adam Oh, none more than, well.

36:30 Drew Yeah, as much as the people close to them, I guess.

36:33 Adam Here's the deal though. It's one thing when you see a guy in a wheelchair, it's another thing when the guy hops out of his wheelchair, hits you with a bat and puts you in a wheelchair and then sits back down in his wheelchair. That's what these abused people do.

36:46 Drew They want you where they are.

36:48 Adam They put you right where they are because they sue your company out of business or they say you raped them when you were tutoring them in school or they do whatever. Or they just kill you. I mean they just get out of their car and shoot you.

37:03 Drew The conundrum of all this is who do we blame? The Annas or the F'd up uncles that thought it was a great idea to screw their four year old niece?

37:13 Adam I who do not like to blame the man that much, blame the man on this one. The same way I would blame the man if we said, we don't need an army, we don't need a homeland security, we don't need a police force and then we're caught, we're shocked when we're invaded by Canada.

37:31 Drew Right.

37:32 Adam You know, it's like, wait a minute. We, of course, they're dangerous people out there that do horrible things. We need to recognize it and we need to put up.

37:39 Drew Deal with it.

37:40 Adam We need to deal with it appropriately.

37:42 Drew We need to do it eternally.

37:43 Adam The annas of the world need to be gotten to early and often before they start crapping out kids at 16 and ruining, giving another base of non-tax payers that are in rehab.

37:55 Drew Huzzah.

37:55 Adam Huzzah, I say, and I say good day. All right, let's take a little break. We'll be right back after this.

38:21 Caller Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

38:22 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOV. That's the good doc on the Ace man. Couple of plugs. My show, if you're listening on a Tuesday, the Adam Corolla Project on TLC, it's on As We Speak. Oh, it's getting toward the end. Yeah, it's a good show. And you get to see what everyone actually looks like. You can see what Ozzy looks like and Ray looks like and the whole cast and crew. Yes, Drew?

38:52 Drew I have a show with Lance Armstrong. It's airing all week on Discovery Hill Channel, if you have a chance.

38:56 Adam Now, how do we do that?

38:57 Drew You know, I don't know what time it's airing. I think it's about eight, nine o'clock.

38:59 Adam What if we T-vote something?

39:00 Drew Yeah, that's what I would do.

39:01 Adam Like, I'd just type in boring?

39:03 Drew Boring or Lance Armstrong.

39:06 Adam You know, if you do Lance, you might get some Tour de France special or something.

39:09 Drew No, no, but if you're boring and Lance Armstrong, you get.

39:11 Adam But I just go boring. I know I'm going to get all this stuff that you-

39:14 Drew I can get some of my other things, too.

39:16 Adam I can sift through that. OK, I just want to play it safe, buddy. I'm a fan.

39:19 Drew I appreciate it.

39:20 Adam I'm a fan.

39:21 Drew Supportive.

39:23 Adam I love when people explain to you that they're complimenting you. No, no, no. I know saying you've lost that. Wait, no, no, I'm saying no. It's always hard to talk people out of that.

39:35 Drew You're always very husky.

39:36 Adam It was always funny. It was funny when Drew's kids, Drew brought his sons over to my house a few years back and they're making us pine derby racers. And they knew Uncle Ace knows his way around a belt sander and a scroll saw. So he brought the stuff over and I cut the little shapes, a little pine, little Cub Scout thing. I cut the shape out, gave it to the son. Son was happy. And then they were leaving and Drew was like, Jordan, say thank you to Adam. And he's like, I already said thank you. And he's like, say thank you. I said thank you when he gave me, say thank you. I told him thank you, dad, when he gave me.

40:16 Caller Thank you, thank him.

40:17 Adam And I was like, okay, see, Drew, the sixth time you ask him while I'm standing here, it loses some of its allure. You know what I mean?

40:24 Drew It's not for you, for that.

40:25 Adam It's like if I'm screaming at a chick, orgasm, now, do it.

40:30 Drew Ooh, maybe that, ooh, write that down.

40:34 Adam She was like, okay, okay. Are you satisfied? Yes, counting that. Screaming at the kid to thank me. I know it's for them.

40:48 Caller Justin?

40:49 Yeah.

40:50 Adam 25?

40:51 Yes.

40:52 Adam Ooh, you sweat excessively from your armpits.

40:55 Yeah, but it's not overly unattractive. It's just uncomfortably sweating.

41:01 Drew Well, there's some...

41:01 Adam Well, first off, we'll decide if it's unattractive, not you.

41:06 Drew There are some procedures out there to try to rectify that. As they sort of clip the sympathetic input to that area.

41:13 Adam Yeah. Okay. It's a couple of things. First off, I was talking to a makeup artist a few weeks back who told me that there's this sweat-off stuff or whatever. You have to go to one of these beauty supply stores, and, oh, you're calling from Kansas City, so I'm sure there's a theatrical makeup place on every corner.

41:34 Every other corner, yeah.

41:35 Adam Yeah. You got it. Joe Blasco's right there. Probably 24-hour place over there. It's all the Kansas City and it's going through there. But so here's the thing. They have developed a potion or a liquid. I think it's called like sweat-off or sweat-stop or something like that. It was developed to put under prosthetics. So if you have a fake arm, no. If you're putting body facial makeup on and bladders and prosthetics and fake mass, if you're doing the Grinch and you're Jim Carrey and they can't have that stuff sweating and loosening and bubbling and falling off, they hit you with this stuff first and then put it on, which suggests to me it's probably pretty effective. So Justin, tell me what you gathered from our conversation thus far.

42:24 Caller Well, I definitely don't know where the nearest makeup store would be located here in Kansas City.

42:29 Drew Beauty supply.

42:30 Caller That might work. I mean, honestly, I've tried tons of different types of deodorants, antiperspirant and deodorants.

42:36 Adam Yeah, that's nothing doubt.

42:37 Caller It doesn't help.

42:38 Drew Beauty supply and then surgery. There are surgeons that do this procedure.

42:42 Adam Well, yeah, but here's the thing. They have this topical stuff now.

42:47 Drew Look up hyperhidrosis on the internet. You'll see a lot of different options out there.

42:52 Adam Yeah, go get this stuff. Here's what it is. It's the aluminum chloride.

42:57 Drew Right, little hydroxide.

42:59 Adam That is present in deodorants, but this is present.

43:04 Drew High concentration.

43:05 Adam Yeah, it's 90% instead of 3%. Right. Not that. Let me ask you something about deodorant. Somebody gave me some, I don't know where I got it, but I got like some Old Spice spray-on stuff, you know? And I spray it on sometimes, and I'm too lazy or it's upstairs or something like that. And my wife always complains that I smell like deodorant. And then I realized there's a lot of deodorant that just smells like deodorant, which is stupid to wear. I don't care. But you know, you're better off just getting a little Tom's of Maine or something that smells like nothing or smells nice. You don't want to smell like deodorant. You know the guys that smell like deodorant? And it's like, it's really the equivalent to you walking into a bathroom and smelling the wizard. Like, okay, someone asked this place up, I'm smelling, I'm smelling Rocky Mountain Pine with a little S sprinkled in by the way. Yeah, even if there's no, yeah, someone crapped on a pine cone and threw it in a fire. That's basically what it smells like. Even if you don't get the S smell, the presence of the air freshener suggests that somebody was doing their business in there. Why would you, if you're designing deodorant, why do you do that crappy stuff? It just smacks of, it's like, it screams deodorant. When people smell you, they realize, okay, I'm smelling this guy's BO that's been covered up with some of the deodorant.

44:22 Drew Yeah.

44:23 Adam All right. That's all I'm saying.

44:24 Drew I know, retarded.

44:25 Adam That's all I'm saying. Karma, you know what's nice? Secret.

44:29 Caller Yeah.

44:30 Adam A little white stick.

44:31 Drew Little lady stuff.

44:32 Adam Ah, it's for the gents, too. For the gents.

44:35 Drew Karma.

44:37 Adam Karma.

44:37 Drew 22.

44:38 Caller Yes?

44:39 Caller What's going on?

44:41 Caller Okay, I was recently diagnosed with cervical cancer. And they did the freezing.

44:48 Drew How far advanced is it?

44:50 Caller It was dysplasia 3.

44:52 Drew So it's just localized. They cut it out, basically. Right.

44:55 Caller They froze them. They froze them.

44:56 Drew Yeah, okay.

44:57 Caller But now the doctor is pushing chemo because it's genetic. And I really don't know if I want to go through with it or not.

45:05 Drew Because it's genetic. What do you mean? Because it's genetic.

45:08 Adam Family members have it?

45:09 Caller My mom had it and three of my aunts have had it.

45:12 Drew Cervical cancer. Wow. And they survived it? Yeah.

45:17 Caller My mom actually had to go through chemo before I was born.

45:21 Adam Wow.

45:22 Caller Yeah.

45:23 Drew And why wouldn't you want to protect yourself the same way?

45:26 Caller Well, because hers was more advanced. And he can't promise me it won't come back even if I go through with chemo.

45:33 Drew Right.

45:34 Caller So I don't know if I want to go through it.

45:38 Drew Yeah, of course you don't want to. But boy, cervical cancer is so deadly and so aggressive.

45:44 Adam I just had a friend die of it.

45:46 Drew Yeah. If you have even a hint that this can help protect you, you want to be as aggressive as possible. Maybe you want to get another opinion about it, see another oncologist, see a gynecological oncologist, maybe go to City of Hope or something, or go to UC Irvine, go to a teaching center, see, go to gynecologic oncology, get an opinion, and do what they tell you to do. They're not doing this just to amuse themselves. They're doing it to save your life.

46:11 Adam All right, the ironically named Karma.

46:14 Yeah, I know, my bad karma.

46:16 Adam Take care of yourself, would you?

46:17 Okay, thank you.

46:18 Adam Please, I'm telling you, I had a friend die of this six months ago. She was 34.

46:23 Drew Yeah, cervical cancer kills young people, it's awful. About to have a vaccine to take care of this, though.

46:30 Adam That'll be awesome for her family.

46:32 Drew I'm just saying.

46:33 Adam Come on, Drew, come on, buddy.

46:36 Drew All right, here we go.

46:36 Adam All right. We're going to take a little break. We'll be right back after this.

46:50 Caller 1-877-889-DATE Get It On.

47:19 Adam Yeah.

47:21 Drew You're Ace Corolla?

47:22 Caller I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew.

47:24 Adam Phone number 1-800-LLV-E-191. Drew, what do you think of this stuff?

47:28 Drew What's the?

47:30 Adam The following.

47:31 Drew Okay.

47:32 Adam I was watching the news earlier tonight, and they had this kid who, he's nine years old, and he swam from Alcatraz to San Francisco. He swam.

47:45 Drew Nine years old?

47:46 Adam Nine years old.

47:47 Drew With the sharks and stuff?

47:49 Adam Swam the bay.

47:50 Drew Crazy.

47:50 Adam Swam the bay.

47:52 Caller Frigid waters.

47:53 Adam By the way, who cares about frigid when you don't have nuts? You handle anything at night. That's true. I'll throw in the bottom of a lake for a month. Come right out, pow, you're fine. My foot hits it. I have a heart attack and die. But the currents are horrible. And obviously, dad didn't throw him in the bay and then go home and say, I'll see you at home. It's probably a guy next to him in a boat, another guy next to him, whatever. But just that kind of weird stuff with your kids.

48:24 Drew Like when you had that one young girl fly a plane around the world and she crashed and died. Remember that little thing? Yeah. It's over the top. It's not good. Yeah.

48:33 Adam And they always do that thing where it's like, it's like this stage mom thing where it's like, little Ashley wanted to act. She used to, she was three when she did that Charmin commercial. What do you mean she wanted to act?

48:46 Drew I hear that all the time. The parents say, please. She's just so perfectionistic. She insists on going out there.

48:51 Adam She dragged me to auditions.

48:52 Caller A what? A big wheel?

48:54 Adam What do you mean she dragged you to auditions? Oh, she would do make believe in front of the... Every little girl stands in front of the TV set and puts on a little show or does whatever. That doesn't mean you hustle them, pull them out of school and drag their ass all over town going to audition for one audition. What? She get the head shots taken? She do all that stuff? Do the mass mailing for the agents? She wanted to... And so by the way, since when do you listen to your kids?

49:22 Caller She wanted to be a junkie. Oh, okay, yeah.

49:25 Drew Or an astronaut.

49:26 Adam Let me go get a rig. Yeah.

49:28 Caller Do you want to shoot up, baby?

49:29 Adam She wanted...

49:30 Drew She wanted to fly.

49:30 Adam She wanted to be a prostitute. Yeah. She wanted to drop out of school. She wanted to give... She wanted to set the oral record. She... Yeah, yeah, yeah. She wants to eat jelly beans for breakfast. She wants to do a lot of things. Don't get to. You're five.

49:51 Drew Yeah.

49:52 Adam I don't like that.

49:53 Drew Yeah, you're right.

49:54 Adam And the nine-year-old is like, all right, but I mean, it's like, I just think of the parents sort of narcissistic basking in the kids' glow.

50:02 Drew Parents at the press conference. That's the only kids get what they need out of the parents is by reinforcing what the parents idealize needs of the child are.

50:09 Adam Yeah.

50:10 Drew And the parent, they get so much out of that from the parent, they keep going that direction.

50:14 Adam I just don't think your kid should be setting any records when they're nine.

50:17 Drew It's not a great, you know, not a great thing for kids usually.

50:22 Adam I made a pretty serious run from nine to 11 at the consecutive bedwetting days.

50:28 Drew Oh yeah?

50:28 Adam Records, yeah.

50:29 Drew How close you got?

50:30 Adam Well, it was 728.

50:32 Drew Great, that's quite an accomplishment. Then you almost made it in the masturbation abstinence record, the windbreaker. You almost did that, did you?

50:42 Adam No.

50:42 Drew Oh, you were the one that was out quick.

50:43 Adam No, I set the speed record on that. The consecutive bedwetting days, which was 787. Chip Bermaster, the guy was out of Wisconsin. I did a little research on it, I think I forgot. But he was from the 60s, he's an adult now. But he set the consecutive day record back in the late 60s, probably into the early 70s. It was a couple years span. I made a run at it. Look at the 529.

51:11 Caller Impressive.

51:12 Adam Yeah, I don't know what happened on 530. I just woke up or I didn't drink enough.

51:18 Drew I think that was the night of the 71 quake. I got to bed early. I had a chance.

51:21 Adam I blame myself. I got no one to blame but myself. It would be easy to look around. A lot of lesser men would blame their parents.

51:29 Drew You take the responsibility.

51:30 Adam It was a personal best. And it may have been some sort of regional record. I think I may have done it for the North Hollywood, San Fernando Valley area. May have had the consecutive bedwetting days.

51:39 Drew That's good.

51:39 Adam But again, nationally, that's what gets you. That's what Gramps headlines.

51:43 Drew Mark of distinction.

51:44 Adam That gets your name in the papers. Yeah, that's what gets ink. That's what gets ink.

51:49 Drew Well done.

51:50 Adam Urine gets ink. Linda?

51:55 Yeah.

51:57 Caller Yes.

51:58 Drew What's up there?

51:59 Adam Has foursomes with husband.

52:02 Yeah.

52:02 Drew It doesn't go well. That will be trouble soon.

52:06 Well, that's why I'm calling because it's already kind of I feel like I'm being phased out by the other girl.

52:14 Drew So well, what's the big deal? You're cool. You just like having sex with people.

52:17 Adam What's the big deal?

52:19 Drew Let him have sex with her more than you. Who cares?

52:22 You're uptight.

52:23 Adam Why are people so uptight? And that's where the clothes are.

52:25 Drew That is so much.

52:26 Caller Yes.

52:28 Adam People just love and just, you know, I mean, that's the way that it's the way nature plays.

52:32 Drew Oh, yes. Yes.

52:33 So should I just end it before it gets like really bad or?

52:38 Adam Well, what's what? Give us an example of you being phased out.

52:42 Well, well, at first, you know, all four of us would get together and, you know, it'd be cool. We'd all, you know, you know, everybody take turns with everybody, you know, everything. But like lately, it's starting to be where she's mostly wanting to be with my husband. And then it's like she's not really like allowing her husband to do much with me.

53:08 Adam You know, how does that work in the heat of battle? I mean, how do you pull that off?

53:20 She's got her husband to wear. I mean, he'll sit back and he'll like just, you know, play with himself for watching.

53:29 Adam Oh, it's so funny because to me, there's a sort of countdown to profanity. I know when I when I see translucent white trash like Linda, I was just waiting, but she she wasn't usually the tempo. She didn't have the tempo. She was slowing it down, but she brought it in to drop the bomb.

53:50 Drew Very casually, too.

53:52 Adam Yeah, there are many other words she could have used in that instance.

53:56 Drew Many, many.

53:57 Adam Yeah. I the smart money was on coitus. Performed coitus.

54:03 Drew I just thought having sex with the money was cheap.

54:06 Adam If you say having sex like they're having sex and you say 13 times and then you end it with watch a math, you don't we got it. Linda, I know you're dumb, but I'm going to have to ask you. Well, it's true. Obviously, obviously you're inferior. I mean, please, you have to be stupid. If you were smart, if I was smart, what?

54:28 Drew Well, you wouldn't have the life you have or you wouldn't be using expletives on the radio.

54:32 Adam You wouldn't be dropping the bomb on the radio.

54:34 Drew You would have the self-consciousness.

54:36 Adam Listen, I'm making excuses for you and you should buy into them. If you were smart and carved out this horrible life, you'd have to be responsible for it.

54:44 Okay, I apologize to drop it.

54:47 Caller All right.

54:48 Okay.

54:49 Caller All right.

54:49 Adam Do you have any kids?

54:51 Yes.

54:53 Drew Then you got to get some marital counseling.

54:56 Well, we've been married for eight years and it's-

54:58 Drew Oh, forget it. You don't need marital counseling.

55:00 It's just, you know, this other couple, now she's kind of like, kind of weird.

55:05 Drew Linda, this fight isn't between- It is. Hold on. This is amazing.

55:09 Adam I'll tell you the number one, the component of white trashery in females that I love is going after the other chick.

55:16 Drew Oh my God, that's bizarre.

55:19 Adam This exists and it's not universal to the white trash. It just exists. This is in Jerry Springer. This works in blacks and Mexicans. Doesn't seem to take in Asians, or Jews. But when they go at it on Jerry Springer, the guy sitting in the middle of the two chicks, he's effing and they're leaning over him, beating the crap out of each other.

55:39 Drew It's incredible. But to hear her say that, it has nothing to do with us. It's this girl.

55:43 Adam It's awesome. Yeah.

55:45 Drew Linda.

55:46 I was gonna ask if it was me.

55:48 Drew No, it is. This relationship is very disturbed. I definitely feel addiction here. Somebody is an addict. I don't know, your husband or whatever. You were okay. Well, I just definitely feel addiction here. And this is addiction not in recovery. This is addiction still rearing its head and still sort of affecting your relationships. And maybe you're not actively using, but this is part of the addictive process.

56:13 Adam How many kids do you have, Linda? Two. Linda, here's what I'd like you to do with the kids, all right?

56:20 Drew Slingshot.

56:20 Adam Are you listening? No. I have a better plan. I need you to put some duct tape over their mouth so the air doesn't escape. And then I need you to put a helium hose and go ahead and put that in their ass and then fill them with helium until they become like weather balloons.

56:36 Drew And just send them up.

56:37 Adam And then let them go up and see if they can catch the jet stream, okay? And that will carry them to a better place, wherever it is, whether it be the middle of the Pacific Ocean or whether it be a timely neighbor or whether it be a Lilliput. It doesn't matter. That would be much better for the kids than having you two numb nuts raising these kids.

56:59 Drew So you can get back into recovery and work a program, both of you, or you can get some couples counseling, which I think you're going to need anyway. And you must stop the craziness in your relationship immediately. Stop the boundary issues. You stop violating the boundaries of your relationship. I bring other people in. That's it. That's what you do. Anything short of that. And this is going to continue to break down into real serious trouble.

57:22 Adam All right. I'm sorry for whatever atrocities your dad or stepdad did to you. But you're effing up your kids. Let's stop it now.

57:32 Drew There you go.

57:32 Well, no, I've never been sexually abused, but my...

57:36 Drew Well, physically abused or whatever. Whatever.

57:38 Adam Whatever.

57:38 Horrible. My therapist seems to think otherwise, but I don't know.

57:44 Drew Well, this is addiction in operation. I bet your husband's an addict, too.

57:48 Adam Here's the thing, Mommy. You gotta stop now, okay, Mom?

57:51 Caller Well, see, we're good parents. We're like, you know, and then we go out with this couple when, you know, it's when my husband stays off every so often, and we have the kids over at my grandparents'.

58:03 Adam I understand, but they have to come home to the retarded swinging couple, and Mom's all filled with energy and rage because Dadda was on top of his other girlfriend.

58:14 Drew If you don't think they'd pick up on this, you better think again.

58:16 Adam Come on.

58:19 Drew They know the emotional state you're in every second of the day, and they react to it, they pick up on it, their personality is built on it. Stop it, Linda. Come on. Stop it. Listen to your therapist, for God's sakes, and get back into recovery.

58:34 Caller Come on.

58:35 Drew Well, you tell your sponsor what you're doing. You tell your sponsor what you've been up to, and believe me, there'll be a reaction.

58:41 Adam Actually, sponsors the dude who's playing with himself.

58:44 Drew It's their sponsor.

58:44 Adam All right, Linda, keep going. It'll be awesome. I'll see you kids. I'll go, I'll visit them in the joint. It'll be awesome. Keep going.

58:51 Drew It's not funny.

58:52 Adam It's not funny.

58:53 Drew Nothing funny.

58:54 Caller Junior college.

58:55 Drew Nothing funny, but...

58:56 Adam Believe me. Laugh it up, baby. Laugh it up. Laugh it up and enjoy.

59:00 Drew There's nothing funny about any of this.

59:02 Adam Enjoy it. Enjoy it. Because one of them's gonna put a crocheting needle in the neighbor kid's neck when they're 11, and the other one's gonna be turning tricks when she's 13. It's gonna be awesome. Keep going, baby. Keep cranking them out. Be perfect. Yeah. They don't know what's going on. Kids don't know when mom's a junkie. Kids don't know when the parents are having difficulties. Kids don't know when the parents are swinging.

59:26 Drew We're perfect parents. We put them over the ground.

59:28 Caller Yeah. They don't know if they're rich or poor.

59:30 Adam They don't know if you live on Maui or live in Burbank. Kids don't know. They don't know. They don't know if you're living in a crappy little apartment and sleeping in the same room as the parents and fighting all day long or dining at five-star restaurants and sleeping on goose down pillows and 60 count thread sheets. 600 count. Yeah. They don't know. They don't know. They don't know. Every one of I talk to seems to find out at some point.

59:58 Drew Well, and we talk to your kids in about five years.

1:00:01 Adam Yeah.

1:00:01 Drew And they tell us what they've been living with all this time.

1:00:04 Adam Yeah. They don't know. They send them away. Liz.

1:00:08 Caller Hello.

1:00:09 Adam You're 20.

1:00:10 Caller I am 20.

1:00:11 Adam What's up?

1:00:13 Caller Wow. I can't believe I made it on the show. You guys are awesome. Sorry. My boyfriend and I have been going out for about eight months and he's starting to lose his sexual drive. And I'm not really sure why. Like, I don't know whether it's just he's not attracted to me anymore or I don't know. He's kind of just I don't know.

1:00:34 Drew Well, is he doing drugs?

1:00:36 Caller No, is he on medication? He actually just quit smoking.

1:00:39 Drew Is he on medication for that?

1:00:41 Caller No. You sure he's not? The reason he actually quit smoking is he had pneumonia and he was on Welbutrin, which apparently used to be an antidepressant or something, but he used it to quit smoking and he's not on it anymore. He hasn't been on it for like months.

1:00:54 Adam Zyban is Welbutrin, right?

1:00:56 Drew Yeah, that's the trade name for the smoking stopping version of Welbutrin. Yeah.

1:01:01 Caller All right.

1:01:01 Drew Is he on anything else? Nicotine patches?

1:01:04 Caller Oh, no, he's completely quit. He decided that cold turkey is better than anything else or something. I don't know. But yeah, like for the past like couple of months.

1:01:14 Adam Well, wait a minute. Why did he get on Welbutrin?

1:01:16 Drew To stop the nicotine patches.

1:01:17 Caller Well, he was originally like he had pneumonia and bronchitis at the same time. And his doctor gave him some prescriptions and one of them happened to be Welbutrin. So he could quit smoking because he thought he would get better faster.

1:01:28 Drew If he stopped smoking, sure.

1:01:30 Adam But how come every time you bring up, he's like.

1:01:34 Drew She has to qualify it.

1:01:36 Adam He took Welbutrin so he could quit smoking. You're like, is he on any kind of patch or nicotine? Oh, no, no, no. He did it all in the natural way. He did it cold turkey.

1:01:46 Caller He did it all.

1:01:47 Adam So he's on Welbutrin for bronchitis.

1:01:51 Drew No, for stopping smoking.

1:01:52 Adam Yeah.

1:01:54 Caller I know.

1:01:55 Adam His doctor put him on medication so he could stop smoking.

1:01:57 Drew The best combination is nicotine patch and Welbutrin.

1:02:00 Adam No.

1:02:02 Drew Yes.

1:02:02 Adam Okay, Liz.

1:02:04 Caller Yeah.

1:02:05 Adam All right. Didn't stop defending your boyfriend so much. All right. So he was on something and he's not anymore.

1:02:12 Caller Yeah, he hasn't been on it for, I think, about three months.

1:02:15 Adam All right.

1:02:15 Drew He's had no other medication.

1:02:17 Caller Nope.

1:02:18 Drew And otherwise, he's feeling okay. He's sleeping well. He's not excessively working or, you know what I mean?

1:02:24 Caller No. The only thing different is that we started school at the end of September. But, I mean, things were like this before. Like, I was out of town in LA for two weeks. And I came back and, like, things were okay again. And now he's back to the, I don't really want sex nearly as much as you do thing.

1:02:39 Drew Well, what does he want? What is his rhythm?

1:02:42 Caller It's kind of like he wants it, like, maybe like once a week or twice a week sometimes. And I like it a little more often. I mean...

1:02:50 Drew Okay, well, twice a week is normal. And that's probably just his rhythm.

1:02:54 Adam You guys have been together for how many months?

1:02:57 Caller Eight months now.

1:02:58 Adam That's what I thought.

1:02:59 Drew Yeah, he's just getting into his normal rhythm. Twice a week, that's normal.

1:03:02 Adam Sliding into his rhythm.

1:03:03 Caller Is it because he's, like, older than me?

1:03:05 Drew It's actually, no, no, no. That's normal at any age. It's actually a little more than normal.

1:03:11 Adam What are we doing in LA.? What are we doing in LA for two weeks?

1:03:15 Caller I went to go visit my mom.

1:03:19 Drew Now, I'm not saying that's normal for a relationship that's two months old. Two months old, you're having sex every day, sure, but eight months a year, yeah, you're getting into your normal rhythm, and that's one to two times a week.

1:03:28 Adam Well, it also depends how everyone's schedule is.

1:03:33 Drew And what's going on in their life and stuff, too. I mean, he may be stressed out about it.

1:03:36 Adam Is your boyfriend, is he doing all right?

1:03:38 Caller Yeah, he's been okay. He was a little nervous about going back into college because he hadn't really had any schooling. Since he went to a place called Chubb Institute, it's like an ITT on the East Coast because he grew up in New Jersey.

1:03:52 Adam That would be good because you don't want to commute from the West Coast out to Chubb Institute. It's a long drive to go to a place called Chubb Institute. All right, so listen, here's the thing. Don't put the pressure on him. Don't freak him out twice a week. See if we can strike that balance.

1:04:11 Drew Look, you want more than him. That's your natural rhythm. You guys need to write your compromise some kind. He needs to kind of step it up a little bit and you need to realize that it's normal for him to be at twice a week.

1:04:19 Adam But don't get all weird and insecure about it.

1:04:21 Drew Yeah, it has nothing to do with anything other than that's just his biology.

1:04:24 Adam Let me explain something too. It doesn't take a graduate of Chubb Institute to know this either. She said Chubb, didn't she?

1:04:33 Drew She said Chubb.

1:04:33 Adam All right, here's what I'm saying. Drew, I don't know, I know you can, I know you've, you know, you got your own crosses to bear and you were depressed and you're miserable and hate your parents and all that good stuff. But I don't know. And if you realize a lot of guys when they're 25 and they're sort of, you had a horrible path, but you were on a path from the ninth or 10th grade on. And it was just like, it was like, it was like, no, it was like two a day football practice, tough, hard, but you had structure and you had some place to go and you had someone yelling at you, but you knew what to do. And you could handle it. I think the worst thing for a guy anywhere between the age of 18 and 30 is just when they're sort of floating.

1:05:13 Drew Even now, no structure.

1:05:15 Adam I could go, well, you have a degree in your pocket and you have a diploma.

1:05:20 Drew But the point is structure is good for people.

1:05:21 Caller No, structure is good.

1:05:23 Adam I'm just saying there, guys, it's not the same being a 20 something year old guy, early 20s guys thinking about going back to school or thinking about going full time at his work or looking for a new job. And a girl who's doing some cocktailing and sort of enjoying herself, there is a weird pressure on a guy which is, I gotta get it together. First off, I'm gonna be with you for the rest of my life. I don't get it together. I gotta get some hot chicks. Number one. Number two, I gotta support a family. I gotta be the breadwinner. I know you think this is Lucy and Ricky, 50s television thoughts. I'm telling you, this is how guys think. You show me a 24 year old chick, I'll show you a girl who can afford to have a good time for a couple of years. You show me a 24 year old guy who's not doing anything, kind of floating around. I'll show you a guy who feels something nipping at his heels, just a little bit.

1:06:09 Drew Remember the guy we talked to the other night that was that stripper that said he'd done everything everyone do in his life by the time he was 25?

1:06:14 Adam Yeah.

1:06:14 Drew Except there's a little percentage of guys that just do that. Well, that ends up not being a very happy life, by the way, those guys.

1:06:20 Adam Yes, but when you're stupid, you don't know. It's a blessing.

1:06:23 Drew It's a mitzvah.

1:06:24 Adam It's a mitzvah, except for he would never use that term. But I'm saying this guy's 25, he's thinking about going back to school, which means he's not quite established himself in any one field, and he's probably a little stressed out about it. And you're 20, and you want to just have a good time, and he's probably walking around thinking about it a little bit. Just started working in a porn shop. All right. See, here's a guy on a fast train.

1:06:51 Caller Yeah.

1:06:52 Adam You're 19?

1:06:53 Caller Yeah.

1:06:54 Adam Just started working in a porn shop?

1:06:55 Caller Yeah.

1:06:57 Adam What do you do over there?

1:06:58 Caller I'm just one of the clerks.

1:07:00 Adam Mm hmm. Do you guys have those booths in the back?

1:07:04 Caller Yeah, we do.

1:07:05 Adam Do they have doors on them these days?

1:07:07 Caller Yeah, they do.

1:07:08 Adam They do?

1:07:09 Caller Yeah.

1:07:10 Adam Do the doors lock?

1:07:11 Caller I'm not too sure. I've never actually been back there.

1:07:15 Adam Yeah. You should really get out there. Get on your hands and knees and crawl over there and really check that place out, you know? All right. And OK. So they have locks? Do they have paper towels? Do they have paper towels, Spencer?

1:07:27 Caller Oh, no, there's not.

1:07:29 Adam And who goes back there? Do guys go with other guys?

1:07:32 Caller Um, we're at it's only actually one person per booth and we get just pretty much anyone going back there.

1:07:39 Adam Yeah, it's one person.

1:07:41 Drew It's only guys.

1:07:42 Caller Normally, yeah, I've never seen any ladies go back there yet.

1:07:45 Drew Now, you cannot profile like that. How dare you?

1:07:48 Adam No, but here's here's why I'm asking. Hold on a second. But I think that the porn booth is the new gay bar for guys. Because what does a guy solo need to go to the porn booth for when a DVD recorder is 29 bucks?

1:08:06 Drew Right.

1:08:06 Adam And you can get you can get DVD porn at any gas station. What the hell are you driving across town and standing in a booth like masturbating like an animal? Like an animal would masturbate like a cow. Master, you know, or, you know, a coyote or, you know, one of those masturbating animals. You know what I'm saying? Like a common animal.

1:08:26 Drew Reeses monkey or something.

1:08:27 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's one. There's one. Yeah. Like a dolphin. Pick bad examples. But you know what I'm saying?

1:08:35 Drew Yeah, I hear you.

1:08:36 Adam All right. So they go there to hook up with dudes and gay off.

1:08:40 Drew Makes sense.

1:08:42 Adam And gay off.

1:08:44 Caller That's it.

1:08:44 Adam That's the term. Chris? Yeah. So do you have to test the vibrators out before you let them go out the door?

1:08:52 Caller Yeah, we actually have to put batteries on them and test them before they can leave.

1:08:56 Adam That's my favorite part about working at the porn show.

1:08:58 Drew What did they tell you the reason for that is?

1:09:00 Adam No returns.

1:09:01 Caller California state law to where they're not returnable. We just have to make sure that they are.

1:09:06 Drew Why don't you just say, do you realize this is not returnable? Just let them go like every other, this is sale is final in the world. You don't take out the television.

1:09:15 Adam But here's the thing, if you bought a television from Best Buy and you took it home and you plugged it in and it didn't work, you'd return it.

1:09:22 Drew There are things, it's a sale item, sales walk out the door, that's it, sales final, this is it.

1:09:26 Adam Well, that might be for a t-shirt or a pair of jeans.

1:09:30 Drew Right, it's $8 vibrator, it's the same, you know what I mean?

1:09:33 Adam No, I know what you're saying, but hold on there, Drew.

1:09:36 Drew Because it's mechanical, you got to try it.

1:09:38 Adam It used to be you couldn't return tools that you bought. And they would fire the tool up so you wouldn't go out, break it and then return it and say it doesn't work or whatever. I understand that. Now, the part where Chris puts it up his ass, I find that to be a little excessive.

1:09:54 Drew You've got to see if it works. How do you know?

1:09:57 Caller Where does the works part end?

1:09:59 Adam Because one could argue that shirt moved around, but my girlfriend didn't get my girlfriend on.

1:10:04 Drew That's what I'm saying.

1:10:05 Adam Yeah.

1:10:05 Drew Look, all sales are filed. Enjoy. There you go, out.

1:10:10 Adam I was at a porn store many years ago and there was a guy arguing to return. And it's like, oh my God, my friend, you have bottomed out and now I've been sucked into your vortex too because I'm getting, I'm being sucked in this horrible conversation of you arguing with this guy like he's Judd McElveen or something. Oh, painful. So anyway, Chris, sorry there, buddy.

1:10:32 Caller Yeah.

1:10:32 Adam How do you like it? Lots of, lots of gents coming in there.

1:10:37 Caller Yeah.

1:10:38 Adam Ever, ever seen any chicks walk into the place?

1:10:41 Caller Yeah, we actually had one girl come in a while ago, ended up buying some stuff and she was talking on her cell phone about a photo shoot.

1:10:49 Adam Oh, really?

1:10:50 Caller Yeah. And that's where I've seen her before online or something.

1:10:53 Adam Yeah.

1:10:54 Drew All right. So one girl brings this professional equipment.

1:10:58 Adam Right. OK.

1:10:59 Drew How dare you? How dare you? Huzzah.

1:11:01 Adam What's your question?

1:11:02 Caller I was just wondering how working here is going to sexually be.

1:11:05 Drew You're there now.

1:11:06 Adam Yeah. What's one of the hotter items over there now?

1:11:11 Caller Mostly just our DVDs. I'm not sure if you've ever heard of it, but we have something called the rabbit. Yeah.

1:11:18 Drew People have mentioned that before.

1:11:19 Caller Yeah.

1:11:20 Caller Yeah. Those are pretty hot right now, too.

1:11:22 Adam Those are moving pretty good.

1:11:23 Caller Yeah.

1:11:24 Adam What are you doing? Are you stocking now?

1:11:26 Caller I'm just organizing empty DVD cases.

1:11:30 Adam And you guys, you guys rent?

1:11:32 Caller Yeah, we rent or sell.

1:11:34 Adam All right. I like that. You should put a sign up that says, be kind, quit beating off onto the actual DVDs, you sick ass. I know it doesn't. You think you're going to hear something that rhymes with that, but it's just a little bumpy at the end, but it would be fun to put up there.

1:11:50 Caller Why not?

1:11:52 Adam How about the idea of just renting porn in this day and age, Drew?

1:11:56 Drew I know it's weird.

1:11:57 Adam You can no sooner, no more easily explain that to me than you're going to have to have that explanation with your kids about people going to porn, actually going to movie theaters to watch porn. Here's the thing. You had to go to a movie theater to watch porn because that's the only place you could see porn. DVDs are $7.99. What's your excuse for going in and renting one? And by the way, that DVD, boy, if you ran a wood slide across that, you know, every once in a while, they go to the hotel room and they run the swatch, they do a little sampling and they find the hooker blood and like a rhino semen and stuff in there. Imagine what you'd find. You'd find bird flu all over that stuff.

1:12:36 Drew I don't know that we can say that they'll do anything specific to your feelings about yourself as a sexual being. It certainly desensitizes you to a lot of things.

1:12:45 Adam Don't make a career out of it.

1:12:47 Drew Yeah.

1:12:47 Caller Okay. Also, Adam said DVDs were about $7.99. We actually have, we don't have any that are that cheap. The cheapest ones we have are the sale rack, which is $9.99. And most of them are like $39.99.

1:13:00 Adam Wow.

1:13:01 Drew So that's why.

1:13:02 Adam Do you have the You Bang Us Uranus series?

1:13:06 Caller I don't recall.

1:13:07 Adam Look that up.

1:13:08 Caller Okay.

1:13:09 Caller Okay.

1:13:11 Adam He was insulted that I downgraded his product, his noble product from $9.99 to $7.99. As long as, that's what I'm saying. I'm not using as example the most expensive DVDs. You can get one for under $10.

1:13:25 Drew But here's the deal. These guys must be making a career of this, studying these things. If they want to stay up on what's, you know what I mean? They'll rent more because they want the new stuff they don't pay 40 bucks for. You know what I mean? That's because you're making a career of this. You know what I'm saying? You've seen the old stuff a lot, right? Isn't that what that implies?

1:13:44 Adam Look, you can turn on any computer in any house in America and type in a couple of words and pow, you're home. You know what I mean? All right. Let's take a break. We'll be back after this.

1:13:58 Caller The phone number for Loveline is 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:14:03 Loveline, I'll be right back.

1:14:05 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Vibrations, the award-winning vibrating condom ring at gotvibe.com. Make safe sex great and great sex even greater. You have to try it to believe it. Only at gotvibe.com.

1:14:22 Adam Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. The TLC show, the first one is on at 8 o'clock. So I've just found out on Tuesday night. And then the new episode, the Adam Carolla Project runs at 10 o'clock. So if you missed that last week and want to get caught up, it's great that the market department keeps you on top of the... Yeah, I don't blame them. They're doing their thing.

1:14:48 Caller I gotta say, Corolla, it's a good show.

1:14:50 Adam You like it, huh?

1:14:50 Drew Oh, my God, Anderson.

1:14:52 Caller I was watching it and I said I must tell him that I like it as hard as that will be for me.

1:14:56 Adam Thank you.

1:14:57 Caller Except for the Adam Carolla. Adam, I can't stand that part. You should cut that all out.

1:15:03 Adam The...

1:15:04 Caller Marco Polo crap.

1:15:04 Adam Oh, yeah. Well, that's only episode 1. Thank you, Anderson. Yeah, people really, people enjoy the show. And believe me, I do other shows that people don't like. I know the difference. Oh, I know.

1:15:18 Caller I know.

1:15:19 Adam People always do that thing where it's like, oh, maybe they're just saying that they like it. Well, you don't realize who I hang out with, be it my family or my friends. There's plenty of stuff I do that they don't like.

1:15:29 Caller No, I hate you, but I like the show. So that's the thing.

1:15:32 Adam How? Well, what an endorsement for the show. I don't like me that much either. And I enjoy the show.

1:15:37 Drew That's the point.

1:15:38 Adam Thank you. Sammy?

1:15:41 Hello?

1:15:42 Adam You're 19?

1:15:43 Caller Yeah, hi. How are you doing?

1:15:44 Adam What's up, baby doll?

1:15:46 Caller Yeah, yeah. No, I was just calling in because my question is, I had an abortion, I guess, about a little under a year ago, last December, and I'm still with the same guy that I had, that I got pregnant by. And by the way, I do want to say that I was on the pill.

1:16:04 Adam Wow.

1:16:05 Caller I know. Interesting, huh?

1:16:07 Drew Taking it properly?

1:16:08 Caller Yeah.

1:16:09 Drew And didn't take any antibiotics?

1:16:10 Caller Actually, after I had the abortion, I told my mom about it a few months later, and she ended up telling me, you know, she had three kids after she was like 35, but she had also had, I think, three abortions before she was 30.

1:16:21 Drew Whoa.

1:16:22 Caller Yeah. So she, I guess, just fertility runs like crazy in my family. Anyway, so I never have really had a problem.

1:16:29 Drew Hang on a sec. What pill were you taking?

1:16:31 Caller Or the Tri-Pycline.

1:16:32 Drew And then you took it properly every day?

1:16:35 Caller Yeah. Yeah. And I was on it even before I was my boyfriend that I think I got pregnant four months into our relationship.

1:16:43 Drew And you weren't taking any antibiotics or anything like that because it could screw up the pill?

1:16:46 Adam Is there, Drew, is there any legal recourse for something like this or you would have to prove that you're taking it at the same time every day, which seems pretty hard to prove.

1:16:59 Drew It doesn't pretend to be 100% effective.

1:17:01 Caller Right.

1:17:01 Caller It's like 98.9 or 99.

1:17:03 Drew It's 99.97.

1:17:05 Caller Right.

1:17:06 Adam I'm just, I understand that. I'm just saying everyone sues over everything these days. Somehow you never hear about this one.

1:17:13 Caller Yeah. Interesting. I mean, honestly, I wouldn't even be interested in doing that.

1:17:17 Adam Good. It means you're a good person.

1:17:19 Caller Yeah. It's just not my thing. Me neither. I mean, I had been taking a pill before I met the guy. I had been on the pill for like six months or something by that point when I got pregnant. But my question is, I don't really have any moral issues. I'm not upset about that or anything. My only problem is that I kind of ever since then, I go through these waves where I really just don't want to have sex. I mean, at all.

1:17:44 Adam All right.

1:17:45 Caller And I just don't know what to do. I don't know what to do because I'm...

1:17:48 Adam Well, how long does this wave last?

1:17:50 Caller I mean, it'll go anywhere from a month where I just don't want to have sex. And I can barely do it. I can only, you know, if we do have sex, I can only have it for like ten minutes or something, five minutes.

1:18:01 Adam Before what?

1:18:02 Caller Before I just have to stop.

1:18:04 Adam I know, but why?

1:18:05 Drew What's the feeling?

1:18:06 Caller I don't know. I just can't do it. It's like I just...

1:18:10 Adam It's not a painful feeling, though.

1:18:12 Caller Yeah, like it's like it's like it's not painful physically. I just can't do it.

1:18:16 Drew Are you still on the birth control pill?

1:18:18 Caller Yeah.

1:18:18 Drew Oh yeah. Same one?

1:18:20 Caller No.

1:18:21 Drew What are you taking now?

1:18:22 Caller The asthma or whatever?

1:18:24 Drew Well, that one, that's a low dose mini pill, and that one can affect your sex drive. So it may just be the pill.

1:18:30 Caller Oh, I just switched to that one, though. And before that, I still was on with a try for a long time.

1:18:36 Drew But the asthma can affect your sex drive sometimes and can cause dryness and things like that that can make sex painful after a while. Having said that, there is very little made of the emotional reaction, the sort of visceral, almost biological reactions that women get having had abortions. I've talked to a lot of women that have had them, and there's something about going from that pregnant state to that un-pregnant state that is profoundly impactful on women, even when they have the abortion very, very early. Sometimes it's a depression, sometimes it's a grief or a sense of loss. It's something very, very deep. And do you feel anything like that? Are you aware of that?

1:19:12 Caller I mean, yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, that's pretty much what it's been.

1:19:17 Drew It's like, if that's what I mean, like why it comes in waves, you know, and you know, and people make very little of the maternal drive. There is a sexual drive to reproduce in women. And that gets kind of f'ed up by having had an abortion. It kind of gets scrambled.

1:19:30 Adam Well, I am a lay person, but I know if a chick can get a little wiggy from watching a tearjerker movie or if it's that time of the month, having a pregnancy interrupted could send them into a tailspin. But the fragile, the fragile.

1:19:47 Drew You can remember maybe six weeks to eight weeks into the pregnancy. I mean, they're not really knowing or showing a pregnancy. Well, that's a biological change.

1:19:56 Adam What I'm saying is, is if this piano could get out of tune from a five-year-old bouncing around on it, sort of hitting the keys too hard, then if you threw it off a cliff, right, it's definitely magic. It could get way out of tune.

1:20:07 Drew Yes, exactly.

1:20:09 Adam But you women are, except for the lesbians, they're just one of those tub basses, big wash tub bass. Yeah, dent in the side, not going to hurt the sound of that wash tub bass. Nothing to get out of tune. That's what I like about them. Nothing fragile about them. Hell no. Who are we talking to?

1:20:33 Drew Sam is who we're talking to.

1:20:34 Adam Yeah, she's fine. That's the other thing, too. She sounds depressed, like she could be depressed.

1:20:39 Drew Yeah, a little bit. I think she will get over it. Maybe that birth control pill needs to be switched on her.

1:20:43 Adam Esther?

1:20:44 Caller Yes?

1:20:46 Adam You're 17?

1:20:47 Caller Yes.

1:20:48 Caller What's up?

1:20:50 Caller I had a baby about five months ago.

1:20:54 Drew 17.

1:20:55 Adam Calling from Selmar, Jewish.

1:20:57 Caller Yeah, I'm sure.

1:20:58 Caller I know, I've heard it already.

1:21:00 Adam All right, baby. Still two months older than your mom before she had your oldest brother, though, right?

1:21:07 Caller My mom was 20-something.

1:21:10 Adam When she had you, but she was 11 when she had your old brother.

1:21:14 Caller No.

1:21:17 Drew How old was she when she had her first baby?

1:21:19 Caller Well, my oldest sister's 25.

1:21:22 Drew How old was she when she had her first baby?

1:21:25 Caller 25, I believe. No.

1:21:26 Adam Your mom's 50 now?

1:21:28 Caller No, she's 49.

1:21:30 Adam All right. She was 24, all right. All right. Usually when you have kids young, your mom had the kids young, too.

1:21:39 Caller Oh, no. She wasn't young. My grandma was really strict.

1:21:43 Adam Grandma what?

1:21:44 Drew Strict.

1:21:44 Caller My grandmother was really strict.

1:21:45 Adam Oh, okay. Smart. Because grandma had her when she was 11. I'm doing the math. All right. How old is your grandma, by the way, just for kicks?

1:21:53 Caller I have no idea.

1:21:54 Adam All right.

1:21:55 Caller I'm really like 48.

1:21:58 Drew Oh, all right.

1:21:59 Adam I like you because you don't sweat the details. I don't either with my family. People are like, when's your dad's birthday? I don't know. Then they're like, how old is he? What do I? I don't know. He's old. What's his name?

1:22:10 Caller I don't know.

1:22:11 Adam I heard my stepmom call him James once, but I'm not sure that was just like home, James, like she was kidding around, like you do with it, like, you know, chauffeur or actually his name. I'm going to I'm going to grab his wallet next time he takes a nap don't see if I can get to the bottom of that. Also, I think it may be Corolla. Oh, yeah, I'm not sure if it's Corolla.

1:22:30 Drew That's interesting.

1:22:30 Adam I heard I heard recently that there's East there's East Coast Corolla's that go by Corolla. Right. All right, Esther. So what's the plan?

1:22:40 Caller OK, so lately or not lately, but since I've had the baby in the beginning, I was still kind of like, I guess you can say loose down there because, you know, still kind of like restoring and stuff. And it hasn't gone away. Like I'm still really, you know, loose down there and who's that?

1:23:01 Adam Is the father around?

1:23:03 Caller Yeah.

1:23:05 Adam And you guys are still together?

1:23:07 Caller Yeah.

1:23:08 Adam OK. What about it?

1:23:10 Drew Is he reporting something that something feels different to him?

1:23:14 Caller Well, because I don't feel anything. I haven't told him that, but he kind of notices because I, because he tells me, you know, you know, start moving and he tells me to start, you know, but I don't feel anything. So I can't because I don't know. I guess it's because I just not.

1:23:33 Drew This has nothing to do with no, there's nothing to it tight enough that after you have a baby, it's your sex drive goes way down. Are you still breastfeeding?

1:23:40 Caller No.

1:23:41 Drew Are you on anything else? Any new medication or birth control pills or shots or anything?

1:23:45 Caller I'm on the patch.

1:23:47 Drew Okay.

1:23:47 Adam Good. Good for you.

1:23:48 Drew Is that new for you?

1:23:50 Caller Yeah. No. Well, I had, I started taking birth control of the pills, but they were bad on my stomach. Like it started irritating my stomach and stuff, so I just stopped doing it and that's when I started.

1:24:02 Drew Good times.

1:24:03 Adam Where do you, Sylmar, you got a Sylmar, huh? You got a poly? Where do you go?

1:24:08 Caller No, I graduated already.

1:24:09 Adam All right.

1:24:10 Caller Yeah.

1:24:11 Drew All right. Quagmire.

1:24:14 Adam All right.

1:24:14 Drew But Esther, here's the deal, that it's very common for a woman to have very rather dramatic drop in their sex drive for up to a year after a baby is born. It gets especially worse if you're breastfeeding, especially worse when they give you the depot shot, which I fully endorse, but they can certainly drive the sex drive down further. Some women, the patches will drive their sex drive down, so they may have a role to play here, though I think that's unlikely. A depression can figure into this, but the point is, give yourself a little break, give some time, and do talk to your husband about, or your, dare I say, father's daddy, toy, baby's daddy, about what you are or are not feeling. There may be things you can do to kind of pay more attention and bring things along a little bit, but there's little or nothing to do with looseness. Here's the thing. Just bring it back very nicely.

1:24:59 Adam A high school diploma is not really worth the paper it's written on anymore, at least around here, it doesn't really matter. I know people are interested in getting it, but it's not good for anything. And I realize, you know what will ruin most folks? They always talk, you know one thing they never talk about, they're always talking about getting good grades and staying in school and that kind of stuff, attendance and paying attention. Once you start getting laid, it's really hard to hang, unless you're a man of passion, but your parents are up your ass and they're whipping the crap out of you. But most of the guys I knew who were good students weren't getting laid. And then most of my buddies, once they started getting laid, all of a sudden, homeroom became really tough to make, especially the choice of, I could go to this one place where I'm sort of being warehoused and I'm getting a C-, maybe a D on a good day and I've been going for the last 11 years and it sucks and I hate it, or there's this new novel thing I could do. And the folks go to work, so I got the run of the department.

1:26:06 Drew Our buddy Adam's got a house across the street from school.

1:26:08 Adam That's right. You bang away on his futon. He'll never know the difference. That's the point. Once you start getting laid, it's hard to focus. Especially, your 16 year old boy, are you kidding? Drew, you don't let those kids of yours get laid. Not at the high school level. That's when they lose focus. Not everyone is able to-

1:26:30 Drew They need that eye of the tiger.

1:26:31 Adam Right, that's right. They need to be hungry. Boys lose their hunger. My buddies, you know, I was just talking about that. My buddies Chris, my buddies Ray, these guys were stars of the football team. These guys were like in their junior year of high school, were second team, Old Valley or whatever, is 11th graders. They never played their senior year. They probably could have got scholarships.

1:26:58 Caller Wow.

1:26:58 Adam Just getting light.

1:27:00 Caller Wow.

1:27:02 Adam You guys be out. Oh, you guys be out in the San Fernando Valley doing two days. I'm going to be at the reservoir getting a BJ. I'll check you later. No way.

1:27:11 Drew Wow.

1:27:11 Adam Especially those kind of guys. Can't talk them out of that stuff.

1:27:14 Drew Yeah.

1:27:15 Adam I'm going to strap on the equipment. Let's get out in the field and start doing some wind sprints. No way. Take a quick break. Be right back after this. Yeah, Love Line! I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Trying to screw my fix my mic thing.

1:27:57 Drew Stranger, we're both doing the same thing here.

1:27:59 Adam Yeah, I think I started and you're comping me. That's Drew, I'm Adam. Let's get to the phones, Drew. What do you say, buddy? Let's help them kitties. Let's talk to Pete, 20. Pete?

1:28:09 Caller Yeah.

1:28:10 Adam What's up?

1:28:11 Caller Oh, nothing. How's it going, guys?

1:28:13 Adam Doing well, thank you.

1:28:15 Caller Good, good. Hey, I just had a, it's kind of a weird question for me to ask, but I'm kind of like concerned about it. I've been going out with my girlfriend for nearly four years now. And basically, I just would like to find a way to get her to start experimenting with different things during sex.

1:28:39 Adam Yeah, like what?

1:28:40 Caller Well, here's what I mean by experimenting. This is why I'm asking for it, is that after the four years of being with her, we've only done like missionary, just one position. And as, you know, you know, as as fun as it is, whatever, I would like to try something new, you know, it's getting kind of boring.

1:29:00 Adam Well, let's go back to the question I asked 45 minutes ago. Like what?

1:29:07 Drew Like what?

1:29:08 Caller Like, well, I don't know, like even if we're on top or even in fourth place, he wants her on top.

1:29:15 Drew That's his sort of sweet spot. He can't get her to pull out.

1:29:17 Adam Well, tell her. If you told her, would she do it?

1:29:20 Caller Well, this is the thing is I have told her before, like countless times. And what seems to happen when I bring it up, it just seems to like anger her. Like, why you, you know, ask me for is what I'm doing.

1:29:37 Adam Not going to knock her out. All right. All right. Could be bogus. No, no, I think here's the here's the other thing too. I did four years. Let's let's call it a day.

1:29:46 Drew 16 to 20. Yeah, you're right.

1:29:47 Adam 16, 20. It's been long enough. None enough for the missionary. Look, she's not into it. They should not into you. Maybe someone was too into her too early, too often. Who the hell knows?

1:30:01 Drew No, something's not right here.

1:30:02 Adam Here's the thing. If you've been on top of someone literally for four years and you say, honey, how about we switch it up? Tomorrow you hop on me and she says no and then gets angry. That's not good enough. They need to provide an explanation.

1:30:16 Drew Yeah, that and again, I think that relationships that start at 16 are supposed to end at some point.

1:30:22 Adam Yeah, 16 and a half is when they're supposed to end.

1:30:25 Drew Yeah.

1:30:26 Adam Justice?

1:30:27 Drew Yeah.

1:30:27 Adam Justice. You're 20? Yep. Smoke a lot of pot?

1:30:33 Caller Yeah. I have since the sixth grade.

1:30:38 Drew Yeah, we can hear it. Wow.

1:30:40 Adam It's always ironic when a guy named Justice is locked up.

1:30:42 Drew You know, we do MRI scans on guys like you and you can see the shrinkage of the right frontal lobe.

1:30:48 Adam Well, not Justice. He sounds razor sharp. Justice?

1:30:53 Caller Yeah.

1:30:54 Caller Like I was diagnosed with ADD in eighth grade.

1:30:58 Drew Yeah.

1:30:59 Caller And, you know, I've been put on all sorts of different medications for it since then, you know, like when I was in high school, I did graduate. So, like, you know, I've been through Ritalin. I've been, you know, what is your question? I was wondering, you know, like I heard a while back, you guys were talking about a connection between people that smoke pot and, you know, like people that have ADD and ADHD.

1:31:29 Drew Yeah, the people with ADD who tend to be more likely to respond favorably to pot, the people that become marijuana addicts become addicts because they have this tremendous euphoric response to the drug. And one of the coexistent conditions that have been has been correlated with that is ADD.

1:31:48 Adam All right. Let's just say hi to Holly. I feel bad. She's been a hole for a whole five minutes. Holly, you're pregnant. You're taking Wellbutrin and Paxil.

1:31:59 Drew Did your doctors talk to you about going off of that now?

1:32:02 Caller I've actually talked to several pharmacists and several different doctors. Might have even talked to the number that they gave me. And I've heard several, several different.

1:32:10 Drew What are the doctors saying that are prescribing the medicine?

1:32:13 Caller The doctor says it's fine. And then. All right.

1:32:15 Drew Then that's it.

1:32:17 Caller Really?

1:32:18 Drew And it concerns me. It concerns me a lot.

1:32:20 Adam It does, a lot.

1:32:21 Drew Yeah, it does. Yeah, it does.

1:32:23 Adam Well, maybe you should talk to them a second time.

1:32:26 Drew Yeah, there've been some more recent study that suggests it's not as problematic as we once thought. But it's still something that needs to be carefully thought through.

1:32:33 Adam How can she talk to a pharmacist, by the way? They don't speak English. Oh, she's in Sacramento. All right, maybe they do. Take a quick break. Be right back after this.

1:32:43 Caller Alright, guys, here's the deal.

1:32:44 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:32:48 Caller One call's all you need to make.

1:32:49 Drew Call the Dateline.

1:32:50 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:32:53 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:32:59 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Vibrations, the award-winning vibrating condom ring at gotvibes.com. Make safe sex great and great sex even greater. You have to try to believe it. Only at gotvibes.com.

1:33:25 Caller Yeah. Okay.

1:33:28 Adam Well, that's it. That's the show, everybody. God bless. And until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying Mahalo.

1:33:36 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:33:41 Adam The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, October 10, 2005