Episode 1000730533155

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Adam Hey, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew is in Arizona tonight. Why?

1:27 Drew Not anything to do with anyone dropping a nickel.

1:30 Adam Somebody dropped a penny?

1:32 Drew No, my daughter is competing in a national ice skating competition.

1:35 Adam Oh, Drew dropped a couple of nickels.

1:40 Drew Yeah, it was like hemorrhage nickels.

1:42 Adam Yeah, I know. Your wife was telling me how last year skates just wouldn't do. You got to get a new set of skates every, every, every sow cow.

1:53 Drew Yes. There's new boots and then there's new blades. Those are two different things. Oh, dude. Oh, yeah.

2:01 Adam Oh, my God.

2:02 Drew Oh, yeah.

2:04 Adam I am telling you, I didn't know. We should get into this for a second. 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1 is the phone number. Drew over there. Where in Arizona?

2:13 Drew Phoenix.

2:14 Adam Phoenix. How hot is it?

2:16 Drew Let's see. 112.

2:19 Adam Yeah. Oh, well, you dodge a bullet. It's only like 117 here.

2:24 Drew I was there this morning. It was horrible.

2:26 Adam Yeah. Let's talk about Drew and the skates and all that stuff. When I grew up, I grew up like Charlie Brown, really. I had a football, but it had no laces in it. I found it in the park. It was sort of fat and bloated. It was more the shape of a utility ball than it was a football, but it didn't have laces. And I used I used to use this like a kicking tea. I used a cup. It was a trophy I got from some bowl game for being like best defensive player in some bowl game. And I used it like a kicking tea and I ended up busting the cup using it as a kicking tea. And then I got I had a couple of home run balls from Little League where Little League, you hit a home run. They'll write the date on it and give it to you. But I used them for street for street ball.

3:17 Drew Those were your balls.

3:18 Adam That was the ball I had. They ended up in the Ivy somewhere in North Hollywood. But the point is, is I didn't know anyone who owned a pair of skates, a pool cue, a bowling ball, a set of golf clubs. That kind of stuff was crazy.

3:32 Drew Yeah.

3:32 Adam You didn't own that stuff. And if you did, you were pro. If you owned a bowling ball, you were on the PGA Tour.

3:40 Drew Oh my God.

3:40 Adam A PBA Tour, the Pro Bowlers Tour.

3:43 Drew Bowling shoes? What?

3:45 Adam Bowling shoes? Yeah. I mean, if you owned a ball, some shoes, if you owned one stitch, like if you own your own ice skates, you're a professional hockey player or your Olympic caliber figure skater.

3:56 Drew That's right.

3:56 Adam That was it. It was all about the rental growing up. God knows how much disease was passed back and forth with the sweaty, stinky everything going, you know, rental shoes at the bowling alley, rental ice skates, everything was one big rental. But it was, now here's what I want to get to. If you have a kid, don't sign the kid up for sport that everyone else plays in school, because chances are he'll just be in the lower half of the group and everyone will know it. You put your kid on the baseball team, everyone knows he's got a subpar arm, he swings a bat okay, but only warning track power, and he gets picked fifth when they pick 10 guys for a team. You pick a sport like hockey, or a sport, or lacrosse or something, where nobody else in the school can play it, and then he gets to be the best player anyone ever knows.

4:47 Drew Yes, that's right.

4:48 Adam We had a guy, there was a guy named Jeff Katz in my high school. This guy played hockey. He was the only guy I ever knew who played hockey. Nobody else I knew owned skates, owned a stick, owned a puck, knew anything about hockey, because it was from North Hollywood. Our parents were stupid, cheap and poor, and no way were any of them going to buy us a set of Bauer skates for 120 bucks.

5:14 Impossible.

5:17 Adam Unimaginable.

5:18 Drew Yeah, unthinkable, yeah.

5:19 Adam Unthinkable, not in the realm of possibilities. So this guy, Jeff Katz, he was smart. He would walk around in a hockey jersey with his name on the back of it all the time. He would always carry that huge. If you want to play hockey, you have to get a bag that is the size of the tents they use to put over apartment buildings when they fumigate that only has your stick hanging out of it. And you must drag it everywhere because you have seven thousand pounds of equipment that you just drag everywhere. Now, I don't know why hockey players have to drag their equipment everywhere, but everyone else doesn't seem to drag their equipment everywhere. But hockey, it's like you take a bag, you put six bodies in it, and then you hang a stick out of it, and then you just drag it everywhere. This guy, Jeff Katz, would be wearing the jersey, be wearing the thing. Now, first off, he played hockey, so everyone thought he was a badass. Meanwhile, he was a 5'4 Jew who was ponchie and couldn't play any other sport. But yet, he was the greatest hockey player anyone ever knew. And no one could ever question him.

6:20 Drew The only hockey player in California? That's right.

6:22 Adam That's right. No one could ever question him on it. And if you asked anyone at North Hollywood High or Walter Reed Jr. High, who's the best hockey player? Jeff Katz, greatest hockey athlete ever. Better than Gordy Howe. This guy is the great one, they call him. And it was crazy because now that I look back at it, I realize I never saw the guy play hockey. He would always tell us some story about having a hat trick or getting in a fight and kicking some ass or scoring some last second goal. But no one ever saw him play, no one ever knew where he played. He was always this close to making the Olympics. But something somehow never, nothing ever came of it, of course. He just toed that bag around.

7:03 Drew I had a guy who was a ski racer. So every weekend he would have to go up to the Sierras and train. But it was like he would enter a parallel universe. We'd never see him. Who knows what the hell he did up there.

7:14 Adam All right. But I'll tell you, it translates into respect from the gents and pun tang from the ladies as opposed to just hanging out here, getting picked up in a football game and realizing you're not that good. And getting the label of the guy is okay. He's all right. He's kind of second string type guy. So that's my point, everyone. Pick a weird sport for your kid, fencing, something that other people can't do and will never question you at, and you'll be the king of the hill in that sport, at your school. Better to do that than just be sort of riding the pine on the basketball team. Be the eighth best guy on your 13 man team. Know what I'm saying?

7:58 Drew Absolutely.

7:59 All right.

8:01 Adam How'd your daughter do, Drew?

8:02 Drew It's tomorrow morning.

8:04 Adam I'm asking you how she did.

8:06 Drew She's fine, but it's her competition tomorrow morning.

8:09 All right.

8:09 Adam Has your wife got her freaked out?

8:12 Drew Eating disorder. What did you have for breakfast? I'm smelling those burps.

8:17 Adam I just let something fly. Eat some chili. Eat some chili tonight.

8:23 Drew All right.

8:24 Adam You ready to rock?

8:25 Drew Let's do it.

8:25 Adam Oh, multi-orgasmic. Used to be. Used to be. Christina?

8:29 Oh my God.

8:30 Hi.

8:31 Adam Hey, listen, if you were multi-orgasmic, still got it?

8:34 Yeah.

8:35 Adam Drew, come over there and get you started like a Fonzie getting a jukebox started. Pow.

8:41 Pow. Yeah.

8:44 Adam All of a sudden, Derek, I mean, wait, Bill Haley and the comics come flying out of you.

8:49 One o'clock, two.

8:50 Adam Drew, like the Fonz with the multi-orgasmic.

8:53 Boom.

8:54 Adam They open you up like a slot machine. Just come paying off.

8:57 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

8:59 Yeah.

9:01 Adam What's up? So, you used to be multi-orgasmic, but you're not anymore.

9:06 Yeah. I don't know why I used to be. Like, I started masturbating when I was really young. And I would come and everything. But now, since I turned like 17, I haven't been able to. And I thought because I was depressed, that maybe that might have been it.

9:21 Drew Yeah. That's possibly where you want antidepressant medicine?

9:24 No, I didn't get any treatment.

9:26 Drew Birth control pill?

9:28 No, I wasn't on anything.

9:29 Drew And were you, maybe this is one of those situations where you develop what we call sort of a bipolar quality to your sexuality, where you become hypersexual and then you sort of shut down and become nonsexual.

9:41 No, I don't know because I still get turned on. Like when I see pictures of guys and stuff, like I'm still attracted to people and I still like sex and the idea of it. But I just can't, like when I masturbate, I can't do anything, nothing happens.

9:56 Drew Well, but the question I'm bringing up is whether or not there was any sexual abuse.

10:00 Uh, not really, no. Not really.

10:03 Adam I'm dusting.

10:04 Drew Adam, you?

10:09 Adam Not really.

10:10 Drew It depends what you call abuse.

10:13 Adam No, I got abuse, but not abuse abuse. Hey, Christina.

10:18 Yeah.

10:18 Adam Christina, do you have a boyfriend now?

10:22 No, I'm a virgin.

10:24 Adam Oh, you're a virgin?

10:25 Yeah.

10:26 Adam Well, now this is kind of tough because you used to be multi-orgasmic, but you're a virgin, but you're, you know, now you can't pledge yourself. I don't know. What about a relationship? How about a boyfriend?

10:39 Oh, I can't really do that yet. I live with my parents and they're really religious.

10:43 What's the religion? Yeah. What are they?

10:48 They're religious. What?

10:49 Adam What religion?

10:51 They're Muslim.

10:53 Oh, they are?

10:54 Yeah.

10:54 Where are you from?

10:56 Chicago.

10:59 Drew That explains a lot.

11:00 Yeah.

11:01 Adam That's what I figured. What part of the world are your folks from?

11:05 Oh, I thought you meant me. I'm sorry. I didn't hear you. They're from Egypt.

11:10 Adam Mm hmm. And are you Muslim, too?

11:14 I don't know. I don't think so anymore.

11:17 Drew Well, is that part of the problem? Are you getting sort of guilty and feeling funny about all this?

11:21 No, I don't feel guilty about it.

11:23 Adam Are they strict on you because you're a female?

11:26 No, they're not. They just, they don't allow anyone in our family to date.

11:31 Adam Oh, okay. And do you have a brother who can't date?

11:34 Yeah.

11:35 Adam How old is he?

11:37 16.

11:38 Drew Not such a bad policy, by the way. Well, not as realistic, but...

11:43 Adam Well, now how does that work? When do you get to date? I mean, you're 19, don't you?

11:49 Caller You're going to eventually...

11:50 Caller I don't know. My parents are crazy, so I don't know. They're not very normal people.

11:56 Caller Well, why?

11:57 Adam Why do you say that?

11:58 Caller Well, my dad, he lives like... Well, they got divorced when I was really young, and my dad, he lives like a few miles away from me, and he doesn't allow us to go to his house or see our brothers and sisters and stuff like that.

12:12 Adam Do you have either brothers and sisters?

12:14 Caller Yeah.

12:15 Adam From another... he has another relationship?

12:18 Caller No, he's married. They're divorced. He has another wife.

12:21 Caller Which...

12:22 Adam but no kids from that wife?

12:25 Caller Yeah, he has kids from that wife.

12:26 Caller Oh, okay.

12:28 Adam I'll tell you one thing. I got to tip the hat to the Muslims. Muslims are evidently a religion. I'm going to weigh out on a limb here, and I'm going to say basically set up by dudes.

12:40 Caller Yeah.

12:41 Adam I know it sounds wacky, but I'm going to say just from my sort of thumbnail sketch of the Muslim religion, when there's a decision to be made, it seems to land on the side of the dude.

12:53 Drew You know, I know how you say that, Adam. How dare you?

12:55 Adam Yeah, I'm going to, I get to kill you if you cheat on me. Go ahead and put this pillowcase on your head. I can take a few wives. I can bang whoever I want. You got to be a virgin. It's just one of these things when you sit back and really get a good look at the Muslim religion, you realize maybe set up by dudes.

13:14 Caller Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe. Yeah.

13:19 Drew That's interesting.

13:20 Adam But you cannot judge.

13:22 Drew No.

13:22 Adam No, no, you can't judge. It's impossible to judge.

13:26 Drew It's interesting though.

13:27 Adam Because everything's great. Nothing's bad. Only things are different. There's only different, Drew.

13:31 Drew But a lot of Muslim women describe themselves as happy. They like the situation as it is.

13:36 Caller Yeah.

13:36 Drew Which I find fascinating.

13:36 Adam A lot of the dudes like it.

13:38 Caller Yeah.

13:38 Drew No, the women do.

13:39 Adam Yeah. Because the dude standing behind them going, come on.

13:43 Drew Yeah. No, I saw an interview. No, listen, I saw an interview. There was one of Bush's sort of protegees over there in Saudi Arabia trying to bring women up and, you know, empower them. And they had a bunch of physicians and attorneys in the room, females. And they all went, what makes you think we need it? We don't, we're not interested in that. We're happy the way our culture functioned. We like this situation.

14:01 I thought, wow.

14:02 Caller Woo. All right.

14:03 Adam Yeah. Well, you see it in other places. Doesn't necessarily make it right.

14:07 Caller It's called Stockholm Syndrome, Drew.

14:10 Adam Christina? Yeah. All right. So here's the dealio. If your parents are effed up or they're unfair or they're wacky or they're whatever, your job is to get a job and leave the house. Yeah. You're 19. What's up?

14:25 Drew I'm going to go to school, Lee of Cows.

14:27 Yeah.

14:29 Caller I was trying to.

14:30 Adam How about you just get a job and get the hell out of there?

14:33 Caller Yeah. So I would have to have a relationship before I could start working again.

14:39 Adam Here's what I would say.

14:40 Drew It may be. It's possible that might help things quite a bit.

14:44 Adam You're a virgin. Who knows? All bets are off. Get a job. Get some independence. Get some autonomy. Get away from your oppressive parents or crazy parents or whatever they are. Get a job. Get out in society. Have a relationship.

14:58 Drew Right.

14:58 Adam And things will magically start to fall into place.

15:01 Drew And we're not saying have sex. We're saying just the intimacy might help you a little bit.

15:05 Adam Yes. Sam. You're 28.

15:09 Caller Yes.

15:10 Adam What's up?

15:11 Caller Hi. My fiance, she's kind of, I don't know how to say this. She's got to got into this thing with the internet, with pornographic stuff on the internet. And she's wanting to do some crazy stuff on that she sees on it.

15:30 Drew What do you mean? What does that mean? Like what?

15:34 Caller She's wanting to do, I think it's called fisting.

15:37 Drew Oh, be sheesh.

15:39 Caller Yeah.

15:42 Caller And I didn't know if, one, if it was going to be safe to do, or two, what do I need to really do to do it, to be correct to do it? I don't want to, and I can't find the instructions on the whole line to do it.

15:55 Drew Why don't we get this feeling it's something he wants to do? Is this just a rose for getting the information out of us?

16:01 Adam I think he wants to make a bogus call is what Sam wants to do.

16:05 Caller No, I'm afraid not. Cause I've already tried doing the, somebody told me online it was multiple toys or something, but she actually, she's actually wanting to do it, and I'm kind of here to do it.

16:20 Drew What do you mean multiple toys? What does that mean?

16:22 Adam He said fisting a second ago.

16:24 Caller Yeah, two toys and one.

16:27 Drew What does that mean?

16:28 Caller In other words, like stretching it.

16:30 Drew I see, so you can then do the hand, right?

16:32 Adam Right.

16:33 Caller That's the closest I've gotten, but I really don't want to do too much because I like to have children later and I don't want to really mess her up. I don't know if I need to go to the doctor or talk to them or where would I need to go?

16:46 Adam Well, yeah, go to the doctor. Yeah, thanks, Doc. Are you a fisting doctor or a felting specialist? What do you do? Oh, okay. Well, you handle the cooch, all right. Okay, good. Yeah, wife's vagina is out in the car. I brought it here. I'm thinking about fisting. Is that something I should be doing? There ain't no instructions on fisting. You know, you go through high school, they teach you about horticulture and psychology and history, but there ain't no classes on fisting. So I'm fixing the fist.

17:25 Caller I'm fixing the fist.

17:27 Adam And I don't want to, you know, fist her so much that, you know, kid come falling out when he's four weeks old.

17:33 Caller You know what I mean?

17:34 Adam I don't want to have the fishing party go south on me. I got, I got multiple tools, though. You know, making room for the fist. And she wants a good fist, and I seen it on the internet, but there ain't no instructions on fisting. They got books on everything. They got, they got Mac for dummies. They got Volkswagen repair for dummies. They got everything for dummies. They don't have no fisting for dummies.

17:58 Drew They got fisting for fools.

18:00 Adam They got, they got, they got fisting for fools. I heard that on, that's on KLSX. That's a weekend show, Fisting for Fools.

18:08 Caller It's awesome.

18:09 Adam But I don't know how to be, I don't know how to be fisting. I'm just scared. I'm either going to hurt her or I'm going to hurt a knuckle. So, what about, Doc? Is there some kind of fisting advice you can give me?

18:24 Drew So, any doctor you go see, what's his name?

18:28 Adam Sam.

18:29 Drew Sam, any doctor you go see is not going to allow you or tell you to do this. Obviously, you know, you can hurt yourself with this. It's not as though, mostly it's about tearing and causing trauma to the vagina and opening the vagina. You're not going to cause uterine dysfunction or cervical dysfunction with this stuff. So, it doesn't have anything to do with child bearing. Right.

18:50 Adam Now, if I'm holding a cigarette, should I put it in the other hand?

18:54 Drew Yeah, yeah, that would be good, Sam.

18:55 Adam Okay. Now, I got a pretty good-sized class ring because we took state my freshman year. Should I go ahead and take that off?

19:02 Drew Well, yeah, that might be a good idea, yeah. Okay. And get your nails trimmed down a bit.

19:07 Adam Well, I keep my pinky one long for Coke.

19:09 Drew Yeah, I know.

19:10 Adam Now, should I tuck that in?

19:12 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

19:13 Adam Okay. Now, now, supposing I'm holding the TV remote.

19:17 Drew You should leave that behind.

19:18 Adam Put that down or put it in the other hand? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Now, what if I had a waffle iron in my right hand? I was fixing to do some fizzing. Should I go ahead and unplug that or just put it down?

19:32 Drew Both.

19:33 Adam Unplug it and go ahead and set it down there?

19:35 Drew Yes. Definitely both.

19:37 Adam Okay. And what if my right hand was covered with fire ants?

19:43 Drew Those might be interesting, but no, I don't.

19:45 Adam Should I go ahead and wipe that off?

19:46 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

19:48 Adam Okay. What if my sleeve had been dipped in muriatic acid?

19:51 Drew You want to take that sleeve away. Yeah. Keep that sleeve away from the vagina. Yeah.

19:56 Adam Okay. And what if I had one of those zodiac inflatable rafts in my right hand, where you pull that ripcord and they blow up that way? Should I go ahead and set that down?

20:04 Drew That'd be hysterical. It'd be too funny. So you want to include that. And that's every classic 70s. I mean, if we were doing this in the 70s, they would insist you do this.

20:14 Adam And what if I was holding an actual Faberge egg in my right hand? Not a reproduction, but an actual Faberge egg from one of the czar's own. Should I put that down?

20:25 Drew You could put that down. It would show how much you loved your wife.

20:28 Adam Mm-hmm. And what if I was holding one of those conch shells? A pony? I figure that could hurt.

20:36 Drew Yeah, that could hurt.

20:37 Adam Put that conch shell. It's got some sharp edges on it.

20:39 Drew Yeah, and don't try doing that shofar routine with either.

20:45 Adam Let the neighbors know the fisting is going to be good. Did he really have a question, Drew?

20:53 Drew I'm afraid he did.

20:55 Adam He's 28.

20:56 Drew Okay, I think he did.

21:00 Adam I think you could learn about fisting on the internet.

21:03 Drew You probably could. You probably could. If you looked it up.

21:09 Adam Michelle's going to try to look up fisting.

21:11 Drew Yeah. Oh, Michelle. I mean, she doesn't know it already?

21:14 Adam She does. She's just playing stupid.

21:16 Drew She's pretending.

21:16 Adam She has to go look it up.

21:17 Drew She's going to her favorite site. Okay.

21:18 Adam So Sam?

21:19 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

21:21 Adam Don't fist her. She's, she's, she's your lady now. She shouldn't be fisting the lady.

21:25 Caller That's why I'm scared to do it.

21:27 Drew Good. That's a healthy fear.

21:29 Adam No one ever writes, you know, be nice to the nice black soul group sung a song from the 70s. Got to be fisting my lady. And a very fisty girl. Don't ever write a song about fisting. There's a site that tells you how to fist. Got to be fisting my lady. Because I'm going to be fisting on top of the world. Oh, smooth styling. Yeah, pimp, so jazzy. Alright Drew, let's take a little break.

22:04 Drew Wonderful idea.

22:05 Adam When we come back, hasn't had sex in a year, tries to avoid it. Allison, married, hasn't had sex in a year, tries to avoid it. Why?

22:14 Drew We'll see.

22:15 Adam Only had a menstrual cycle, gets sick to a stomach, needs to gag himself, anxiety issues.

22:21 Caller What's going on tonight? What's going on here?

22:22 Adam We'll talk to Allison when we get back about being married and not having sex for a year. All that after this.

22:29 Caller Loveline's phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew, we'll be right back.

22:37 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Vibrations, the award-winning vibrating condom ring at gotvibed.com. Make safe sex great and great sex even greater. You have to try it to believe it. Only at gotvibed.com.

22:52 Yeah.

22:54 Adam Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew, calling from Phoenix.

22:59 Drew Yep.

23:00 Adam Daughter's in a little ice skating competition over there. Yeah. She's doing that tomorrow.

23:05 Drew Yep.

23:06 Adam What category is she in?

23:07 Drew Juvenile.

23:09 Caller Really? That's it?

23:12 Drew Listen, there's like 90 cat, it's crazy all the categories.

23:15 Adam I know, don't they have-

23:16 Drew Pre-juvenile, juvenile, intermediate.

23:18 Adam 11 and 12 expert, 11 and 12 intermediate.

23:21 Drew No, no, then it's like ladies and ladies. It's just, it keeps going. It's crazy.

23:26 Adam Do they have Pounder Puff Division?

23:28 Drew No.

23:29 Adam Yeah. Used to be if you were a girl and you were in a sport, they gave you a slightly demeaning name.

23:34 Drew Yeah.

23:35 Adam Made it kind of fun. Call you something at, you know, as you say, a husky at and then, or they'd be the Pounder Puff Division. Like if you rode dirt bikes and the Chick Division be the Pounder Puff Division. That's my thing. No demeaning names anymore for chick sports. Let's see if we can work on that, huh, Drew?

23:52 Drew All right, let's go.

23:53 Caller Erica?

23:54 Yes.

23:55 Adam You're 20?

23:56 Caller Yes.

23:57 Caller What's up?

23:59 Caller I have amenorrhea and I've only had my period twice in my life.

24:05 Caller Hmm.

24:06 Drew Interesting. Then what does it do to it?

24:08 Caller What?

24:09 Drew Why do you have amenorrhea?

24:10 Caller I don't know. They can't figure. They won't tell me. They don't want to figure it out yet. I guess. I don't know. My doctors aren't telling me anything.

24:18 Drew There's volition in this. They don't want to figure it out.

24:21 Caller No. Well, I don't know if they don't want to figure it out.

24:23 Adam They're punishing her.

24:24 Drew Yes. They're not able to figure it out, which I'm sure they explained to you usually means that some problem with the cycling mechanism.

24:31 Adam Let me say this, Drew. I know it's subtle. I know it's subtle. But what is that part where people have to sort of become a victim, you know, place blame, like just in the way they word it. It's like they don't want to figure it out.

24:45 Drew They don't want to tell me anything. And yet you say, well, they explained to you this abnormality of cycling. Yeah, they did explain it to you. That's the problem.

24:51 Adam They don't want to figure it out yet. Like, what are you talking about? And how narcissistic is that? That there's some sort of plot, like you're Hitler and they're trying to assassinate your vagina?

25:01 Drew Right.

25:02 Adam Write that down, Drew. That's another good movie idea. It's a great idea. Hunt for Hitler's vagina. Fist, mine fist.

25:10 Drew Also, Red October, hunt for Red October.

25:13 Adam Hunt for Red, mine fist. But here's the point. Either they don't know or you're saying something, but they don't want to tell me it's a weird victim thing or a weird plot thing. Everyone with this sort of thing, like people get hit by, somebody rolls in and hits them behind them in their car and they're like, that person rammed me.

25:34 Drew They tried to aim for me and rammed. Right.

25:38 Adam Here's the thing, everyone, please understand. Nobody knows you're alive, but you, nobody, nobody, nobody but you and your crappy parents. Stop acting like the world is plotting against you. And it's, it's just, it's just a big a form of narcissism, maybe even bigger to think the world is plotting against you than think the world loves you.

25:58 Drew Well, it's one of the outcomes of abuse is that when somebody is being abused, the young mind cannot tolerate true helplessness. The being completely powerless is unacceptable. So you flip it. You go, if your dad's beating you with a belt, you flip that into, I caused this situation. This perfect person knows what I need and I'm making it happen. And then they go out in the world expecting that all the time. There's being in control of everything, expecting everything they do causes bad things to happen to them.

26:27 Adam Erica?

26:28 Caller Yes.

26:29 Adam Sorry about Drew's rant there. All right, so they won't tell you what's going on with your vagina.

26:35 Caller Not really that they won't tell me. It's just that they said that it's not time to figure out why. They said that they want to wait until I'm 21, which is like three months away, and I just, I, they're not.

26:49 Adam Why 21?

26:50 Caller I don't know. That was just the number she gave me, that they don't worry about until I'm 21, they said, but.

26:55 Caller Are you overweight?

26:56 Caller I'm sorry?

26:57 Drew Are you overweight?

26:58 Caller A little bit, yeah.

27:00 Drew That's one of the things that can suppress cycling. Do you have polycystic ovaries?

27:03 Adam By the way, I'm sorry. This means, yes, I'm overweight. Just apologizing for being fat, Drew. You misunderstood.

27:08 Drew You're fat. I got it.

27:09 Adam She's like, I'm sorry.

27:11 Drew I understood.

27:12 Caller Okay.

27:13 Adam How much do you weigh?

27:15 Caller 200.

27:16 Adam And that's not much. And how tall are you?

27:20 Caller Five, six.

27:22 Caller All right.

27:22 Adam So you're a little bit overweight.

27:25 Caller Okay.

27:26 Adam And anything up from the past that we need to know about?

27:29 Caller No.

27:30 Adam All right. So what else, Drew?

27:34 Drew So do you have polycystic ovaries?

27:36 Caller No.

27:37 Drew That's been checked into?

27:38 Caller Yeah. They've done some tests so far, like pre-marmillary tests and everything. The only thing that they said is that I have polyps on one ovary, but that was normal, they said.

27:48 Drew Cyst, you mean? Not polyps. Cyst?

27:51 Caller No. Polyps, they said.

27:53 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

27:55 Caller No.

27:56 Adam What's up? You a virgin?

27:58 Caller Yeah. That's a whole other.

28:01 Adam What's up? You want to get a boyfriend?

28:03 Caller Yeah.

28:04 Adam You do? You're calling from Phoenix?

28:06 Caller Yes.

28:07 Adam Bruce in town.

28:09 Drew Over here in Central Avenue.

28:10 Adam Over here in Central. In the neighborhood?

28:13 Caller No. I'm actually in Chandler.

28:15 Adam All right. Well, it might be worth it to hop in that Taurus and pay a visit to the man of passion. Well, here's the thing, Erica. You need to lose a couple pounds and find yourself a man.

28:30 Drew Yeah. And the very, very rare periods may not mean it. They may not need a treatment. They may put you on a pill or something to get the cycling going. When fertility time comes around, there may be some things that have to be dealt with, but it's not as though it's a major health issue at this point. Okay.

28:47 Adam What about getting a boyfriend?

28:49 Caller What about it?

28:50 Caller Well, what's up?

28:52 Caller Nothing. I've never actually been in a relationship before.

28:55 Caller How come?

28:56 Adam I don't know.

28:57 Caller I just sheltered life, I guess you could say.

29:00 Adam Hmm. Well, leading a sheltered life is usually a good thing, but I don't think this is a good thing.

29:06 Drew It sounds sort of imposed shelter life, like self-imposed.

29:10 Adam Yeah. What's going on? Where's your dad?

29:13 Caller He's at home.

29:16 Adam And everything's cool?

29:17 Caller Oh, yeah. Everything's fine.

29:18 Adam Why don't you drop a couple pounds and get a boyfriend?

29:22 Caller I don't know. I've tried before, but I mean, I don't know.

29:26 Drew For your overall health, get a dietitian, get some exercise going. Come on. You're not in a healthy range.

29:32 Adam Get on the nose, Kenny. Yeah. Okay.

29:35 Drew Here we go.

29:36 Adam All right.

29:36 Drew Good times.

29:37 Caller Yeah. Well, that's nothing you can do.

29:39 Adam I know it sounds, I mean, look, maybe I shouldn't pry, but you're 20, you're 200 pounds. And by the way, that's 200 pounds on the radio. That's probably a little more like 212.

29:50 Caller Yeah.

29:51 Adam And you're 20 years old. You're you're calling from a very warm weathered place. And you're dragging around extra 60 pounds. Go ahead and work on that. Get yourself a guy and start living your life.

30:05 Caller What's up?

30:06 Adam I know it always strikes me, Drew.

30:08 Drew What?

30:09 Adam Well, I mean, tell me if you agree or disagree, but you show me a 20 year old woman who's obviously intelligent. Erika was intelligent, her vocabulary was fine. She was educated and everything. And she's carrying around extra 50, 60 pounds and she's pulled herself out of the game. And she doesn't want to get back in the game.

30:30 Drew Yeah.

30:31 Adam Doesn't appear eager to even put her foot on the field.

30:34 Drew Now that's usually using the way to insulate yourself from other people.

30:39 Adam Yeah. I mean, what she's saying is, is if I get involved with a guy, I could get pregnant, I could get venereal disease, or worse yet, I could get my heart broken. And I just don't want to do that.

30:51 Drew That's right.

30:51 Adam So, and it's, you know, sticking with the sports analogy, if I get out on that football field, I could get injured. So I'm just going to sit here on the bench. I'll put some ice on my knee. People will walk past me when they see the ice bag. And that'll be it.

31:05 Drew Yep.

31:06 Adam Hopefully, four quarters will go by pretty quickly and I'll head to the locker room.

31:10 Drew There you go.

31:12 Adam Hold on. That's not a bad boy. You know, I started off like I was making fun of that kind of life and I realized, not too bad. There's not a whole lot going on on that field that it results, you know, one guy scoring the touchdown is not going to be you. No matter what, you're probably just going to get a compound fracture, your tibula. And, you know, they'll do that thing where the where they come down and look at you and then sit up and do the steering wheel thing. Get the car. Get the cart. You see that steering wheel thing? They need to do something else for that, get the cart thing. That steering wheel thing just scares me.

31:46 Drew Yeah, they should do that sort of that when you put your index finger in the air and circle it around. Yeah, that looks more upbeat.

31:53 Adam Yeah, it's like you're partying. You're having a party on New Year's Eve. Yeah, that wheel thing, get the wheel. That's bad. When that guy comes out there in the Cushman, there's trouble.

32:08 Drew When you separate your shoulder, how will you hold off the field?

32:11 Adam When I separated my shoulder playing football, they didn't have one of those carts, although the guy still did it for 20 minutes. Still slaying over to the cart thing, so I actually point out. Don, yeah, no cart, no carts, not doing the wheel thing. They called an ambulance. They left me on the middle of the field. And they called an ambulance. And they wouldn't move me off the field, and they stopped the game. And they told each team just to go to their end zone and go sit around or go to their locker room or whatever, wherever they went, they just split. And the ambulance showed up like half hour later.

32:47 Drew You mean that the end game just ended, the team split?

32:52 Adam No, it was somewhere near half time. And what they did is they just called an early half time. And by the way, here's how you know you have a bad football injury. When they stop the game and call half time.

33:10 Drew Never actually seen that done before.

33:11 Adam I never seen it done either. Now obviously, if you don't have one of those carts and you don't have paramedics and someone has the kind of injury where the person really shouldn't be moved, like there's no way a bunch of dads are going to drag some kid whose shoulder looks like it's poking through his skin out. You know, there's no dad got way of us enough to, you know, these guys are school teachers and own their own shipping companies. They're not going to take some kid who looks like he needs to be, you know, put in some kind of neck restraint or something and carry him off the field. So they just left me there. I mean, they didn't leave me there. They just hung there with me and they called an ambulance and they rolled a gurney. They rolled the gurney out, got me on to the gurney. But they called that early, early half time.

33:55 Drew Nice.

33:57 Adam I never really thought about that, but how many people can claim you had a injury in a football game where they stopped the game and left you in the middle of the field? Yeah. Now that wasn't one of those like, hey, we'll help you up son and we'll get you over to the sideline here. We'll wait for the guy to come. That was the cut my jersey off. They cut my shoulder pads off and they called an ambulance. And I just sat there until the ambulance came. And it took a good half hour.

34:24 Drew Nice.

34:25 Adam Yeah, it was good times. You know what I remember very specifically? Running over the speed bumps, the parking bumps in the parking lot, in the back of the ambulance, and wincing in pain every time the ambulance hit one of these bumps. Seemed like there's a hundred of them. Yeah. Let me say this. I was on my way to this radio station, one we're at now, a couple of mornings ago, sliding down a side street. Was it one of those side streets that people sort of used to, you know, run parallel with and make up a little time in traffic? So they put the bump, put the speed bump in it. Yeah, it was labeled. It was not labeled bump. It was labeled hump.

35:07 Caller Speed hump.

35:08 Caller It just said hump.

35:10 Adam It's like a declaration. And it was funny. It was funny because on the way back, I ran down an old street and that one said bump. And it was the same thing. And one was 20 years old and the other's, you know, 20 minutes old. Somebody decided that it should change from bump to hump. And I'm sure that cost us 150 grand somehow. But really, that's the kind of time this city has. They're going to redefine hump and bump.

35:39 Caller Wonderful.

35:42 Drew They've got the converse sign going, the inverse sign going too, which is a dip.

35:46 Adam Yeah, well, dip I understand and bump I understand. But hump, I'm not so sure about. All right, let's take ourselves a little break.

35:56 Drew No, we got to take a call first.

35:57 Adam Time to take a break, buddy. Yeah, someone's pregnant as HPV.

36:03 Caller What?

36:03 Adam Pregnant HPV.

36:06 Caller Sarah?

36:07 Caller Yeah.

36:09 Adam You have the warts and you're pregnant?

36:11 Caller Well, I'm not really the ward. They just said it was a human papilloma virus.

36:16 Drew Which is the ward virus.

36:17 Caller That is the ward virus. I haven't gotten any warts, so.

36:21 Drew You haven't seen any warts? But they're there. You know, there was a huge announcement today about the Merck and Glaxo vaccines against the ward virus that by 2006, I bet you by the summer, next summer, we're going to have this vaccine out. And Adam, what are the-

36:37 Adam I'm going to go hog wild.

36:39 Caller Hog wild.

36:40 Drew It's going to eliminate HPV as an issue.

36:43 Caller Hog wild.

36:44 Drew It's 100% effective in preventing the transmission and from catching the virus that causes the cervical cancer, which is what we're talking about here, HPV. And what I find curious is what are the anti-condom people going to hang on then? Because that's the point of contention. Well, it's not 100% effective against HPV. So how can we suggest condoms are a good thing?

37:05 Adam Oh, believe me, they'll stick with it. I'm just looking forward to the commercials with the chicks, hot chick kickboxing, alone in a gym with the spotlight on her. Fields of Wheat, fields of wheat, all those great commercials, hot chicks doing stuff independently.

37:21 Drew And they're dressed in like a jumpsuit kind of.

37:23 Adam Flowing, a lot of wind blown, wind blown. All right, hold on a second, Sarah. We got to take a break. So she's pregnant, she's got the HPV. We'll find out, Drew, you'll tell us the implications and the complications of that. All that after this. Want to dress up your sex life? Visit durex.com. There's sex and then there's durex.

38:01 Caller Yeah, Loveline.

38:02 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. All right, now. Now, Drew in Arizona tonight. Sarah.

38:15 Caller Yeah.

38:15 Adam 20. Sarah?

38:17 Caller Yeah.

38:17 Adam Prager's? Prager's. Got the HPV. You have a man?

38:24 Yeah.

38:25 Caller Are you married?

38:26 Caller No, we've been together for like five years.

38:29 Caller Oh, okay. All right.

38:31 Adam Are you going to get married?

38:34 Caller In like another three years.

38:36 Caller All right.

38:37 Adam Take it slow.

38:38 Caller Don't rush in anything.

38:40 Adam Not ready for that responsibility yet.

38:43 Drew As compared to a child, which is only 18 years, what can you do?

38:47 Caller I have another one.

38:48 Drew Oh, of course. How dare I? Forgive me.

38:53 Caller All right. Listen.

38:54 Caller I have a three year old.

38:55 Adam OK, hold on a second, Drew. Now I know. I know Mo for the last forty one on these. This usually I'm pretty I'm pretty intuitive.

39:04 Caller I'm pretty intuitive. You have got it.

39:07 Adam I'm somewhere between lucky and intuitive on almost all my guessing.

39:10 Drew You're going to get this one. It's not guessing. This is telling.

39:14 Caller She called what part of Arizona?

39:16 Adam Where are you calling from, sir? What part of Arizona?

39:20 Drew Mesa.

39:21 Adam Mesa. OK, that's OK. Now that's it. Now that's it. She's calling from Mesa. She's got a couple of kids. She's been with a guy. She's not married to him. She's got HPV. She's she's pregnant.

39:34 Caller Jew.

39:34 Adam Just Jewish. Right, Sarah, please. No, I'm not.

39:37 Caller Oh, my God.

39:40 Adam Oh, my God. I'm so right almost everything else with the father welding and all that and the abuse stuff. Even Germany or Florida. I'm 80 percent on. But boy, this one I've been off every single time.

39:59 Caller Wow. All right.

40:02 Adam I'm sorry. Japanese.

40:04 Caller Japanese?

40:05 Caller Filipino.

40:06 Caller Oh, a little curve ball there.

40:12 Adam All right. So now what about her having HPV, Drew?

40:16 Caller What about it?

40:16 Adam Can the kid, what does any present any danger to the kid?

40:20 Drew I don't think so. I'm not an obstetrician, but I really doubt that that would be a significant issue. Given that this is something that almost, I dare say most people have, you don't hear about a lot of problems in childbirth, right? Or you don't hear about a sudden spike in cesarean sections to avoid it. It's not a big deal. The issue is it with you causing cervical cancer. And again, it's the virus that is persistent, certain subtypes of the HPV that causes the cancer. So you need to get your Pap smear done very, very regularly.

40:50 Adam What's your man do? What's your man do, Sarah?

40:53 Caller He works security.

40:55 Adam Oh, maybe you should slow down on the kids a little bit until he gets a job that pays.

41:01 Caller Yeah. What I'm working for, actually, I got a pretty good paying job right now, too. So we're doing pretty fine for where we are right now.

41:11 Adam All right. But someone's going to have to take care of the kid, right?

41:14 Yeah.

41:15 Caller OK.

41:16 Adam Hi there, baby doll.

41:17 Drew Whatever.

41:18 Adam Here's all I'm saying, everybody. I don't know if people are pretty careful.

41:20 Drew Mr. Man, Mr. Man, whatever.

41:23 Adam He's making $6.75 an hour. I'm thinking about having a third. Why put yourself behind that eight ball, everybody? Why hobble yourself? You know what I mean? Why not have a little more money than you need?

41:38 Drew Two commas like Adam.

41:40 Caller Yeah.

41:41 Adam Literally a millionaire. No, but here's the thing, Drew. Let me tell you something about kids and all that. People always talk about, well, you want enough money, you want to send your kid to the right school, you want to be able to, you know, educate them and get them the medical care they need and all that kind of stuff. You know what? Probably the biggest danger to a young child is for parents that don't have money. It's probably the car they're driving because you're driving around 87 Mitsubishi mini pickup truck with a bench seat and no airbags. And mom is holding the baby in her arms in the passenger seat and ain't no crumple zones and there ain't no nothing. And that's probably how you buy it when you're poor. That's probably the number one thing that costs you. You're driving a car that's 20 years old. You don't got no crunch zones, no airbags, nothing like that. And that's how your kid is going to get it. You ever think about that, Drew?

42:39 Caller Yeah, yeah.

42:40 Caller Yeah, yeah?

42:41 Drew No, I do think about that. I think about the kinds of stress and preoccupations and the fact that people don't take necessary precautions and take care of themselves. I mean, there's a lot of issues just like that. It's a probability equation. You put yourself in the probable category for trouble.

42:56 Adam Right. You put yourself in a crappy neighborhood in a crappy apartment, and you've got a dude underneath you who's cooking meth, and your kids are sleeping in the room above him. That's what you do when you don't have a couple of bucks and you start cranking out a bunch of kids. All right. Where are we, Drew? I paint a rosy picture, don't I?

43:16 Drew Yes. Of upbeat lifting.

43:18 Adam Bladder has fallen into cervix. That's a good one. I'm almost sure that happened to me.

43:24 Drew I'll tell you about it in a second. Let's hear her situation.

43:27 Adam Needs to gag himself to feel better.

43:29 Drew I don't hear about the bladder falling.

43:30 Adam Has anxiety issues. Can't even see doctor. Steals pills.

43:34 Caller All right.

43:34 Adam You want to hear about that? Because I swear I've had that.

43:37 Caller Mariah?

43:39 Yes.

43:39 Adam You're 23?

43:40 Caller Yep.

43:41 Adam Your bladder is falling into your cervix?

43:44 Caller Yeah. I don't really think that's quite happened to you, but okay.

43:50 Adam First off, you don't know what's going on inside of me. Okay?

43:56 Caller I would hope not.

43:57 Caller It's not a problem.

43:58 Caller Okay.

43:59 Caller Okay.

44:00 Okay.

44:02 Adam Okay. I think I know a little better. Just a little better what's going on inside of me. Okay?

44:08 Caller Okay.

44:10 Adam Go ahead, Drew.

44:11 Drew Well, that comes from having babies, right?

44:13 Caller Yeah.

44:14 Drew And that's, you know, it's a reason that some women prefer to have cesarean sections is that when you have a few babies, it rips apart your pelvis. In fact, in Africa right now, hang on a second, in Africa right now, because they're not getting a lot of good medical care, the sort of consequences of true natural childbirth are coming to bear, and people have rectovaginal fistulas, and they have tears that never heal. It's just a mess. In the best of situations, what you get is something called a rectocele or a, what's the latter one called, a cystocele, and in which case basically the vagina sort of gets stretched out, and either the rectum and or the bladder descend into the cavity, into the vagina.

44:56 Adam I'll tell you, I don't want to bring up Africa. I'm still angry at them for them turning their back on us when New Orleans was flooding a few weeks back. That country turned their back on us. They turned their back on us. Do you understand, Drew?

45:09 Caller Just like we turned our back.

45:11 Adam We had flooding, we had people displaced, people on roofs, people that were hungry, people that were living in shelters and squalor and horrible conditions. Africa, they turned their back on us. Yeah. See how crazy it sounds when other people say we turned our back on their country? Yeah. Go ahead and try that with the United States in another country. See how good it sounds. Africa, turn their back on us. Turn their back on us. Mississippi, Louisiana, underwater. And what's Africa? Do they turn their back on us? I will not soon forgive Africa for turning their back on us. 9-11, they turn their back on us. Race riots, they turn their back on us. I've forgiven that Africa. Turn their back on us, Drew. Yeah. Mariah? Yeah, it sounds crazy. How come we're the only country that can turn our back on another country? Mexico, turn their back on us, Drew. They turn their back on us. How come we get, how come we're the only ones who get to turn our backs on anyone?

46:13 Drew It's a privilege. It's a myth.

46:14 Adam Yeah. All right. Tell Mariah what to do.

46:18 Drew Well, it's an operation. There's a few different operations for that and they're quite successful. Are you having incontinence where you, if you cough or laugh and you pee? Yeah. Yeah. Are you having...

46:27 Caller Oh, that's wonderful stuff.

46:28 Drew Yeah. Do you have orgasmic incontinence?

46:31 Caller Um, I think I have once or twice.

46:34 Drew That can be pretty, people get pretty upset about that one. And yeah, it's something that needs to be repaired. There are medications for it as well, but in there, there may be some macaque exercises, that kind of thing. But once things are torn apart down there, really the only solution is surgery. So you're young to be having this. It's something you look forward to getting worse as you get older. Eventually, not only does the rectum and the bladder descend into the vagina, but the uterus itself falls out. That's what happened to me. You get uterine prolapse. And that's all good times.

47:02 Adam Listen, I'm just, I'm steamed at what Africa did. They turned their back on us, Katrina. I'm angry, but I got to take a cool down period.

47:11 Drew All right, let's do that.

47:12 Adam I'll not soon forget this. We'll be right back after this.

47:16 Caller Alright, guys, here's the deal.

47:18 Caller You're looking to hook up, hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:22 Drew One call is all you need to make.

47:23 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:24 Caller 877-889-DATE.

47:26 Caller Call the Dateline. Yeah!

47:49 Adam Love Line, everybody! Woo! Yeah, get it on.

47:56 Get it on.

48:00 Caller Woo!

48:02 Drew All right, here we go.

48:03 Adam Yeah, here we go. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191er. Dr. Drew calling in from Phoenix tonight. Where are you in Phoenix, Drew?

48:12 Drew Central Avenue.

48:13 Adam Are you at a radio station?

48:14 Drew I'm at a radio station, yeah.

48:16 Adam How far are you from the hotel?

48:17 Drew From where I live, from where I'm staying, a half hour. I was in Scottsdale.

48:22 Adam What do you got, a rental car?

48:24 Drew Yep.

48:25 Adam Nice. You guys going to spend the weekend out there?

48:28 Drew I'm coming back Saturday, yeah.

48:31 Adam Saturday, so you could spend tomorrow there, enjoy yourself, go out to dinner.

48:35 Drew Yeah.

48:35 Adam You got all the kids there?

48:37 Drew No, the boys didn't want to go.

48:39 Adam Yeah. Can you blame them? No. You want to go to your sister's ice skating competition in Phoenix? They're like, I think I'll stay home and masturbate that day. I mean, did I say that out loud? I meant stay home and study. I said study, didn't I?

48:51 Drew Study, yeah, you said study. I heard study anyway, I heard that. I don't know if you meant that, but I heard study.

48:56 Adam Yeah, boys don't need that. So what division is Pauline in?

49:01 Drew Juvenile.

49:03 Adam That's it, just juvenile. Not expert or novice or anything.

49:07 Drew Didn't we have this, are you high tonight?

49:09 Adam No, I know you brought it up, but you didn't say anything other than just juvenile.

49:12 Drew No, I didn't. I said that the levels are very bizarre. It's like intermediate and ladies and pre-pre and pre-this and pre-that.

49:20 Adam No, but they just, juvenile just means there's under 18 and you skate with everyone who's under 18?

49:26 Drew I think once you get to the highest level, it's called ladies.

49:29 Adam Oh really?

49:30 Drew Yeah, it's got crazy names for each level.

49:33 Adam All right, what are the levels, you know, like Gremlin, Tiny Mite, Pee Wee?

49:37 Drew I mean, there was an alpha and a pre-alpha and it just, it's all kinds of crazy names.

49:42 Adam What move is she going to try to pull off tomorrow? Does she have a, is there something she's going to try that she might not get away with?

49:50 Drew There's like a double toe, double, double toe, double toe combo or something, or double sow, double loop.

49:58 Adam What, you know the sow cow?

50:00 Caller Yeah.

50:01 Adam It's called a sow cow?

50:03 Drew Yeah.

50:04 Adam Like a female pig and a female cow?

50:07 Drew I think sow cow was like an Austrian skater at the turn of the century or something. Just somebody's name.

50:13 Caller Oh, it's a horrible name.

50:14 Adam It makes me think, it makes me think fecal matter and farm.

50:19 Caller Sow cow.

50:20 Drew But then everything sort of triggers that in your mind, doesn't it?

50:22 Adam Yeah, you say incense. I think fecal matter and farm. All right. Let's see, married has that sex in a year and tries to void it. Oh, yeah. Wasn't that the one we're going to talk to? Yep. Allison?

50:35 Caller Uh-huh.

50:36 Adam You're 28.

50:37 Caller Yeah.

50:38 Adam You've been married for how long?

50:41 Caller Um, almost two years.

50:43 Adam And you haven't had sex for a year?

50:47 Caller Not exactly. You're like maybe seven or eight months. And before that, it was sparse anyway. It was like maybe once every couple months.

50:59 Drew Has it always been that way in your relationship?

51:04 Caller Um, in the very beginning when we met, the relationship was more friendship-oriented.

51:15 Caller All right.

51:15 Adam What did your dad do to you?

51:17 Caller Nothing.

51:18 Caller Everything's cool?

51:19 Caller Yeah.

51:20 Adam Why do you sound so depressed?

51:24 Caller Um, I guess because I'm not happy with the state of the relationship.

51:29 Drew Because she's having sex only once a year. But be that as it may, there's something obviously terribly wrong with this relationship, so tell us about that.

51:38 Caller Um, that's the part that's kind of difficult because I love him very much. And I know he, um...

51:47 Drew Just tell us what's wrong with the relationship. What's going on?

51:49 Caller I love Christ.

51:50 Adam Here's the thing. She ain't into him. He's not a bad boy.

51:53 Drew No, no. It's... No, no, no. I don't feel that at all. I just feel that he's just not... There's no relationship. He's just checked out. She would be in if he were available. He's just not... Not there.

52:03 Caller Right?

52:04 Caller Yeah, I guess there's, um...

52:07 Drew There's somebody else?

52:10 Caller For him or for me?

52:11 Adam I don't know.

52:12 Caller Both of them.

52:12 Adam Just start talking. What's your goofball? Titus is ringing you, Wade. It's like a sponge.

52:20 Drew Go ahead.

52:24 Adam So you guys haven't had sex in a year? More like seven months. Let's go, baby. I don't care enough to ring you. You understand? Let's go. Let's pick it up. Here we go now.

52:42 Drew Break it down.

52:42 Adam We're gonna start asking you questions, you're gonna start giving us answers.

52:45 Caller Ask me questions and I'll answer them.

52:47 Adam All right. But don't give the big groan and the drag. Just spit it out. Do you think he's seeing somebody else?

52:54 Caller No, I don't.

52:56 Adam No. Are you interested in someone else?

52:58 Caller I was for a while.

53:01 Drew Because there was just nothing in this relationship?

53:03 Caller Yeah.

53:05 Drew Why is there nothing in this relationship? Why?

53:10 Caller I don't know.

53:11 Adam You said it was a friendship before.

53:13 Caller That's how it started.

53:15 Drew And then it became sexual?

53:17 Caller Right. And then we got married.

53:19 Drew Why did you rush? How old are you?

53:21 Caller 28.

53:23 Adam Why? Well, you say it was a friendship. I mean, it feels like there's always been a component missing. And I'm going to go back to the this guy just ain't flipping your cookie. He's a good guy. He's the kind of guy you wish you were more into. But you're just not that into him.

53:40 Drew Is it that?

53:42 Caller Yeah.

53:44 Drew Because that's a different situation.

53:46 Adam Okay. So, Allison, let's just try to get on the same page here. Drew is saying he's checked out. He's not into the relationship. I'm taking another angle, which is this guy was a friend of yours. Nice guy. You ended up getting married to him. And now you sort of realize he's just a friend. You love him. He's a good guy. You wish you were more into him physically. And a woman needs to be into a guy for reasons that are not always clear to, you know, good scholars or good. But whatever it is, he is not floating your boat. Is that true? Not that way. But he's not that way. Yes. And women always get hold on a second. They always get real apologetic about it. And they're always they get evasive about it. They're always like, oh, no, but I love him. I know. But he doesn't float your boat. But he's a great guy. Right. I know. But you have no feelings for him. You should see how he is around kids. No, I know. But it's not there. That thing, that spark. That thing Drew has for everything that moves. Not there for you and him.

54:49 Caller Right.

54:50 Adam Right.

54:50 Drew Is he wanting to have sex more than once every seven months?

54:54 Caller That's part of it too is since the very beginning he was hard for me to know. I didn't even know he was attracted to me in the beginning. He's sort of passive and it just gets boring to have to initiate and.

55:13 Drew Oh, he's angry about that.

55:15 Adam Well, Alison, do you want a guy who's more...

55:18 Caller I'm just going to stop trying.

55:20 Adam Do you want a guy who's more exciting or more passionate or more whatever? But the question is, we're trying to figure this out. Are you one of these girls who sort of wants a bad boy and this guy's a boring boy?

55:36 Drew Usually that means you had some brutality in your previous relationships. Then you turned to the good guy because you should be with the good guy, but you can't hang with it. Yeah.

55:44 Adam Have you had boyfriends in the past that were sort of dangerous and exciting?

55:50 Caller Um, not dangerous. I wouldn't call them bad boys, but I mean, I know what it's like to be with someone I'm really, really attracted to.

56:02 Drew Why did you marry somebody you're not really, really attracted to?

56:06 Caller Because he had other qualities that I guess at the time I thought.

56:13 Adam All right, let me explain. Drew, it's interesting.

56:16 Drew Yeah, I can't get it.

56:19 Adam Here's what happens. Please listen up, ladies. And it's funny, Allison is about that age. All chicks like the dangerous guy. That's why whenever you go out and shoot Melrose Place and you cast the part of Lucky, he's not a chubby, red haired guy who rides a moped and works at the Cinnabon. He's the guy who never shaves, who's got the, he's always troubled. He rides the Harley. He's got the leather jacket. He's a loner. Nobody can reach him, man. If I could just get to him, but I can't make him understand and no one will ever know him. That guy, that quiet guy with the cleft in his chin. That's what, that's that guy. That's the mysterious man. Not dangerous in, oh, I'm going to stab you when you're sleep dangerous, but dangerous in, I have a few boozies and get into a brawl every once in a while, or sometimes I just need time to think, man, so I get on my bike and I ride. That's that guy. Now, that's what all chicks are into. Whether you were abused or not, you're into that guy when you're 17. Hopefully, somewhere around 24, 25, you realize that ain't a great guy to marry. The guy just has to hop on his bike and ride every time you guys get into an argument. Ramblin. Because the ramblin, man, because you have bills to pay, kids to raise, and a roof that's leaking. So somewhere in your mid-20s as a chick, you realize, eh, it'd be nice just to have a guy who's a little more settled, a guy who pays the bills, a guy who comes home to me every night, and it's not quite as exciting, but on the other hand, a little more stable. Sometimes women don't give up that ghost too easily, and it doesn't happen until they're 30, early 30s or something, but somehow at age 26, 27, they decide, you know what, I'm gonna get married. This guy's stable, this guy's a solid guy, and I'm gonna marry him, and I'm gonna force myself into a steady relationship. And then a year into it, they're bored. They miss the excitement. It ain't out of them yet. They're not done. They're like an athlete that retired too soon.

58:23 Drew Or you've had some intimacy problems and can't tolerate the closeness of an available person, and you have to screw it up.

58:30 Caller Yeah.

58:32 Caller You know what?

58:32 Adam I gotta get on my bike, man, cause I gotta think. And the only time I feel, the only time I'm free, Drew, is when I'm on the open road.

58:40 Drew I'm looking at a poster, believe it or not, of Easy Rider right now. An original poster.

58:43 Caller It's the only time I'm free, man.

58:45 Adam Gotta be free.

58:46 Drew Gotta be free to be what we wanna do.

58:48 Caller That's right, man.

58:50 Drew Do you have that? Here it is. Here it is.

58:52 Caller We wanna be free.

58:54 Caller We wanna be free to do what we wanna do.

58:57 Drew And we wanna get loaded.

58:58 Caller And we wanna have a good time. And that's what we're gonna do.

59:00 Drew Well, wait baby, let's go.

59:02 Caller We're gonna have a good time.

59:04 Caller We're gonna have a party.

59:05 Drew Yeah. Peter Fonda.

59:12 Caller We're gonna get loaded.

59:13 Drew We're gonna be free to do what we're gonna do.

59:15 Caller We're gonna get high. We're gonna get loaded.

59:18 Adam Yeah. If you want to know what growing up with my mom was like, that's about it.

59:22 No.

59:22 Caller Ha ha ha.

59:24 Caller That's what your mom's talking about.

59:25 Adam She wanted to be free to do everything but work and cook.

59:29 That's right.

59:30 Caller Oh my.

59:31 Caller Yeah.

59:32 Drew That's awesome.

59:33 Caller Yeah.

59:33 Caller And by the way, let me define party.

59:35 Adam Her and her friend, Pat Sunshine, sitting on a broken down rattan chair in the backyard smoking spleef all day.

59:41 Caller Ha ha ha.

59:44 Adam Allison.

59:45 Caller Uh huh.

59:46 Adam Where's your dad?

59:48 Caller I have a great dad.

59:50 Adam Did he cheat on your mom?

59:51 Caller No. My parents are still married.

59:54 Adam Everything's good. All right. Here's the problem. This guy ain't floating your boat and maybe you ain't floating his boat and maybe this is why friends shouldn't get married.

1:00:04 Drew I must tell you, there's just more going on here than I can get out of this.

1:00:07 Adam I totally agree, but Allison is too slow and too angry to talk to, so we're going to move ahead. There's a reason you're angry and I don't know what it is, but I'm feeling it maybe, so there's something going on. Spidey sense is never wrong. Can always tell an angry chick, I don't know what made you angry, and I don't care. Just do you have any kids with this guy?

1:00:26 Caller No.

1:00:27 Adam Good. Then break up. Even the kid got to give a little beat to before you give the answer. Have any kids?

1:00:33 Caller No.

1:00:35 Adam All right. You had to think about that one. You sure you don't want to check under the sofa? Might have a couple. Break up then.

1:00:44 Caller Get a divorce from me.

1:00:45 Adam See? Three Mississippi rule. Give me free. Hey, Allison, you are pissed off. I always know you're pissed off because I'm pissed off. Yeah. You ain't into the guy. You're not having sex. You don't have any kids. You ain't into him. You married your friend. He doesn't seem like he's into you and you are angry as hell.

1:01:05 Drew Yes.

1:01:06 Adam So do yourself a favor. Do him a favor and do me a favor and call the whole thing off. You don't have any kids. What you don't want to do is get pregnant and then realize on the kids' second birthday that this shit was never meant to sale.

1:01:21 Drew That's not right.

1:01:22 Adam Anderson, let's hear that again. This is what the 60s and 70s were, my friend.

1:01:27 Caller Just what is it that you want to do?

1:01:30 Caller We want to be free.

1:01:32 Caller We want to be free to do what we want to do. We want to get loaded and we want to have a good time.

1:01:37 Caller That's what we're going to do.

1:01:40 Caller We're going to have a good time. We're going to have a party.

1:01:43 When, baby, let's go.

1:01:47 Adam These guys are all fat and bald now.

1:01:50 Drew Oh my God. Oh my God.

1:01:53 Adam That's what it was, baby. Yeah.

1:01:55 Drew We had Peter Fond up on the show many years ago. Really?

1:01:59 Adam Was that him talking?

1:02:00 Drew Yeah. He was complaining that he was known that as Bridget Fond's dad.

1:02:04 Adam Wow.

1:02:05 Drew And that made him angry.

1:02:07 Adam Squaresville, baby.

1:02:08 That was Dennis Hopper in the background. Yeah, yeah.

1:02:10 Adam That was Hopper.

1:02:11 Caller Just what is it that you want to do? We want to be free.

1:02:15 We want to be free to do what we want to do.

1:02:18 Caller And we want to get loaded.

1:02:19 Caller And we want to have a good time. And that's what we're going to do.

1:02:22 Caller Well, when, baby? Let's go.

1:02:24 Caller We're going to have a good time.

1:02:25 Caller When, baby?

1:02:25 Adam Let's go.

1:02:26 Caller We're going to have a party.

1:02:28 Drew Sounds like he's like on helium.

1:02:30 Adam Let me give you, I know it sounds like it's compressed and sped up. Let me tell you something about these movies, such as Easy Rider, these classics, these treasures, such as Easy Rider.

1:02:40 Drew Anderson, do you like that one? Anderson's a movie aficionado, you know.

1:02:43 Yeah, I love that film.

1:02:44 Adam I'm sure he does. I'm sure if you went back, not you, Anderson.

1:02:48 No, I just watched it a few weeks ago.

1:02:50 Drew Really? You still like it?

1:02:51 It's the tragic ending that makes it really great. Without that shocking ending, I wouldn't be much of a film.

1:02:57 Adam Still, it's the two hours before the shocking ending that you have to drag.

1:03:01 I think the script probably has like 15 pages. It's just like long shots of them riding down the open road.

1:03:07 Adam Yeah, I think people used to just get a couple grand together, get high, get a few people and just go out to the desert.

1:03:13 Dennis Hopper goes on and on, but that's how he made that film because he directed it. It was his first film.

1:03:18 Adam Yeah, everyone just get a couple of grand, get a couple of lids, get a few choppers. Let's start going. Let's do it. And here's the whole thing. Back then, that movie could be in the theater. It didn't have any competition. I mean, it wasn't like it was going up against Star Wars or some Pixar job. It was going against In Search of Historic Jesus by Sun Classics International. Leonard Nimoy narrates Sun Classics International in search of Noah's Ark. Two hours and 55 minutes of archival footage. For the love of Christ, in the same theater playing next to my house for three years.

1:04:07 Caller You know what the biggest film was that year is 2001. But I mean, talk about boring.

1:04:14 Adam Is that 69 or what year is that?

1:04:17 Drew You didn't like 2001?

1:04:18 Caller No, I love it. But I'm just talking, I mean, obviously I love it because it's Kubrick. But talk about, you know, long, long, long shots. You got to be high to watch those things.

1:04:26 Adam Yeah, Drew, and that's what we're going to do. We're going to load it.

1:04:29 Caller We're going to go to a party.

1:04:31 Caller Yeah. Yeah, baby.

1:04:32 Drew We're going to go.

1:04:35 Adam Jerome, yes, Drew hates the 60s. Now, to be fair, you don't really hate the 60s, the early and mid 60s. What what you think of is the 60s and this is how it goes. Is probably 68 through 74, maybe 73.

1:04:56 Drew Absolutely.

1:04:57 Adam Now, that's the end. So when you know, it's hard to say you hate the 70s because 70s was the disco era at the end in Reaganomics or whatever. But at the beginning, 71, 72. Oh, and the 60s, the 60s were, you know, Elvis and Beatles and all that stuff. But that's not the late 60s. So it's really, Drew, you're pretty much 69 through 73. That is your wheelhouse right there.

1:05:26 Drew I really think 68, 72. But it really goes.

1:05:29 Adam I'm telling you, didn't like 73 or 74 either. That was more badness going on.

1:05:34 Drew Or 77 or 78. 78 started coming around a bit.

1:05:38 Adam Jerome.

1:05:39 Caller Yes.

1:05:39 Adam Drew start getting late. Jerome, you're 25.

1:05:43 Caller Yeah, I had a question for Drew, actually. I was inquiring about the male birth control pill.

1:05:48 Drew Yeah.

1:05:49 Caller I know it's still under development now and they said it's still under development.

1:05:51 Drew Well, there's many different things being developed.

1:05:54 Caller And the reason I was asking is because my girlfriend has complex partial seizures. The medication that she's on, her gynecologist told her that if she were to go on birth control, she would need a massive dose of it in order for it to be effective.

1:06:07 Drew Of the birth control pill?

1:06:08 Caller Correct.

1:06:09 Drew Yeah.

1:06:10 Caller And we've also looked into the patch and everything, but obviously the doses aren't high enough.

1:06:15 Drew Same thing, yeah.

1:06:17 Caller And I was just inquiring because obviously we use condoms right now.

1:06:20 Drew Yeah, there's nothing, unfortunately, nothing you can do yet to participate in all this. Okay. Strangely, we've left this all, you stay with the condoms.

1:06:30 Adam Yeah.

1:06:30 Drew I mean, there are barriers for her, too, the sponges and caps and rings and things, but the condoms I think should be part of the mechanism we use, in my opinion.

1:06:41 Adam Yeah. I worry about the male birth control pill because I think there's gonna be a lot of guys saying they're on it.

1:06:47 Drew And then they'll take it.

1:06:49 Adam Well, they never did. Right, right.

1:06:51 Caller Pretending. Yeah.

1:06:52 Adam I mean, here's the whole thing. You're gonna have to do something where there's gonna be some means of certification, like it's gonna have to turn one earlobe blue or something, or you're gonna have to get some sort of stamp on you, branded into you or something. You can't just say you're on it.

1:07:09 Drew Right.

1:07:10 Adam There's gonna be a lot of guys not pulling out saying, don't worry about it, baby. A lot of venereal diseases flying around. I'm not sure if this is gonna be a windfall for society. Know what I'm saying? Also, it's gonna take 500 years for guys to get used to taking a pill every day as it pertains to birth control. Okay, Drew, I'm gonna take that nostril sound of yours as a knowing not.

1:07:38 Caller Yes.

1:07:39 Adam Yeah.

1:07:39 Caller Okay, buddy. That's good.

1:07:41 Adam Yeah, no, no, too. Too quick exhales means no, but a long, slow one means yes. But Drew is like, can you hear? That's, he disagrees. But if you hear that means right on board.

1:07:54 Drew Or I'm sleeping.

1:07:56 Adam True. Do you really open a radio school? First, first, and I can see you talking to your students and the guy's like, Yeah, I'd like to, I'd like to do a speed round. I'd like to do a lightning round. He's like, a buddy. You have not mastered punching the microphone yet. What makes you think you're ready for a lightning round? Get back, work on the fundamentals. And he's like, Well, I think I'm pretty good. You're good at punching the mic with your fist. But what about using tools like coffee mugs and cell phones and things like that? Okay. And then you master that. And the guy's like, Yeah, I think I'm ready, ready to do a speed round. Listen, son, first off, how many CD jewel cases have you broken on the air? That's what I thought. Get back in there. It's going to be awesome, Drew.

1:08:44 Caller All right.

1:08:47 Adam We'll take a break. We'll be right back after this. It's the Blowhard Dr. Drew.

1:09:29 Caller Oh, is that me?

1:09:31 Adam No, that's me.

1:09:32 Drew Oh, right, right.

1:09:33 Adam I'm the Blowhard, buddy.

1:09:34 Drew Yes, yes. You've been blowing pretty hard tonight.

1:09:38 Adam Blowhard, baby. I'm just blowing hard to Michelle.

1:09:42 Caller About what?

1:09:43 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:09:44 Adam You know.

1:09:45 Caller The usual.

1:09:46 Adam Blowhard about anything. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191-R.

1:09:54 Caller Whoo.

1:09:55 Drew But you don't bust the chops of your employees. We established that last night.

1:09:59 Adam No, we don't.

1:10:00 Drew Yeah.

1:10:01 Caller Yeah.

1:10:02 Adam Anderson probably thinks I bust his chops.

1:10:05 Caller Balls.

1:10:07 Adam Balls. But what Anderson doesn't realize is he's just like a nail that's sticking up that gets hammered. If he would just stay flush with the wood, like all the other nails, he wouldn't get hit with the hammer.

1:10:20 Caller I was flush when I came in. When you started breaking those balls, I came up a little bit and then a little bit more.

1:10:25 Adam Flush means high to Anderson. All right. Where are we? Get sick to a stomach and needs. Yeah. Let's talk to this guy. Jonathan.

1:10:34 Caller Yeah.

1:10:35 Adam Twenty one.

1:10:36 Caller Yeah.

1:10:37 Adam What's up?

1:10:38 Caller Well, about three. OK, maybe about going on four years about. I started getting sick.

1:10:46 Adam Hold on. Drew, are you building a jungle gym over there?

1:10:50 Drew Changing chairs.

1:10:51 Caller What?

1:10:53 Adam What about the last five minutes you had to change your chair?

1:10:56 Drew I know.

1:10:57 Adam I know.

1:10:59 Caller Hold on.

1:11:00 Drew Became an urgent man.

1:11:01 Adam Michelle, Michelle, I'm going to tell you how I would write.

1:11:03 Caller Drew is horrible, right?

1:11:05 Caller That's it. She's laughing now.

1:11:08 Caller All right.

1:11:09 Adam Go ahead, Jonathan.

1:11:10 Caller OK. About three going on four years ago, I just out of nowhere start getting sick to my stomach. Originally, I thought I was just getting stomach flu. All right. Maybe have to vomit, whatever. However, it persisted. I just kept getting sick and the only way I ever feel better is to encourage myself, more or less make myself vomit. Sometimes it comes naturally. I just need to vomit. I just feel sick to my stomach. Other times, I more or less have to force myself. I have to gag myself and vomit on my own.

1:11:48 Drew How long has this been going on for?

1:11:50 Caller I'm sorry. Going on four years.

1:11:51 Adam Drew, what is going on?

1:11:52 Caller Drew, can you get on the mic that works?

1:11:54 Drew This mic isn't working? What's happening?

1:11:56 Caller It sounds like you rolled your chair back to a dead mic.

1:11:59 Drew Oh, great. I'm sorry? It's the same mic. The same mic I've been using.

1:12:02 Caller Really?

1:12:03 Adam And you're on it?

1:12:04 Drew Yeah.

1:12:08 Caller Hold on.

1:12:09 Drew Oh, there we go.

1:12:11 Caller Were you on the wrong mic, Drew?

1:12:13 Drew You didn't want to know.

1:12:14 Adam He was talking into a mop handle.

1:12:17 Caller Ah.

1:12:19 Adam Drew's not real sharp.

1:12:21 Caller Could you repeat that, please?

1:12:24 Adam He was actually using a toilet brush. He was talking to a toilet brush.

1:12:27 Drew It's been four and a half years, right?

1:12:29 Adam That's right.

1:12:30 Drew And have you been evaluated for this?

1:12:32 Caller Actually, I went to my doctor. He said that it's totally normal, you know, if it stops, okay, if it continues, then don't worry about it.

1:12:41 Drew How long, don't worry about it? Wait, wait, wait. He told you if it stops, don't worry about it. If it continues, what?

1:12:47 Caller He said if it stops, then it'll stop. He said if it continues, don't worry about it, it'll eventually stop.

1:12:55 Drew When did he tell you that? How long ago?

1:12:57 Caller About maybe two years ago.

1:12:59 Drew Okay, he didn't mean wait another two years. He meant in a couple of weeks, it'll stop.

1:13:04 Caller I have seen my doctor recently and he more or less, he sounded as though he didn't believe me that it had continued.

1:13:12 Drew You have to see, you need to see a gastroenterologist. You need an endoscopy, you need an ultrasound to make sure your gallbladder is clear. You need a medical evaluation. This is ridiculous. You may have a gastric outlet obstructions. A lot of different things can be going on here. You need this taken care of. This is not okay.

1:13:31 Adam You're saying this is okay?

1:13:33 Drew Not okay.

1:13:34 Caller Not okay, okay.

1:13:35 Adam Just heard the okay part.

1:13:37 Caller That's all I heard.

1:13:39 Adam Meredith?

1:13:40 Drew Yes.

1:13:41 Adam 21?

1:13:42 Caller Yes.

1:13:43 Adam Your friend's fiance groped you?

1:13:47 Okay. Well, I was asleep and then I woke up and he's like groping me and stuff and I just kind of rolled over and just like sprawled my legs all over my boyfriend and stuff. And at one point he actually kind of, well, sodomized me. But for like three seconds it didn't go in. Like anyways, and I roll on my back and then there's like, that was the end of it basically. And so now he's in AA I guess is what they're telling me. And I just don't.

1:14:17 Adam Hold on one second. Sodomized Drew.

1:14:20 Drew Yeah, yes.

1:14:22 Adam The, now, now, most people think of that as, you know, anal penetration.

1:14:27 Drew I do.

1:14:28 Adam And I know you do too. I, you know, I think it's defined as almost any kind of, I think you could sodomize one's vagina with one's fingers.

1:14:38 Drew From, it's any kind of unwanted entry or something?

1:14:42 Adam I, there's a sort of thing that's involved that, that you look at sodomy is, is strictly the domain of the anii and it is, it is not. It has a broader definition than that, as I recall. Meredith?

1:14:56 Drew You're looking it up.

1:14:57 Adam Okay. But when you say sodomize, do you mean he put his penis in your arse?

1:15:05 Basically, like, the tip. I mean, like, come on now. Like, I wasn't really wanting it, so it wasn't really going to go in.

1:15:11 Drew But it went in the anus.

1:15:14 Not. Yeah. Kind of like there was an effort made.

1:15:18 Adam This is your fiance's boyfriend, your friend's fiance.

1:15:23 My best friend's fiance.

1:15:25 Adam Right.

1:15:25 He's actually kind of like my best friend too. I mean, we've all like the three of us have been like a little three some of best friends for years.

1:15:32 Adam Yeah. And here's the thing. And then this is this is the same time where you were asleep or passed out next to him.

1:15:39 Caller Yeah.

1:15:40 Drew Oh, Adam, any of various forms of sexual intercourse held to be unnatural or abnormal, especially anal intercourse or bestiality?

1:15:51 Caller So I thought.

1:15:52 Drew So although these days, I don't know quite where the various forms held to be unnatural fits in.

1:15:58 Adam Well, I think I would say we spoke earlier in the program about fisting, Drew, for instance.

1:16:05 Drew That would be so out of me.

1:16:07 Adam See what I'm saying?

1:16:08 Drew Yeah.

1:16:09 Adam Just when you think you know, Drew. Wow.

1:16:12 Drew Learn something tonight.

1:16:13 Adam From a guy who was put on academic probation at the LA Junior College. Yeah. Meredith. Mm hmm. I'm interested in the part where this guy. I mean, here's the thing. You know, chick falls asleep next to you. She's had a few wine coolers. Maybe you try to grab a boob. Sodomy. Ambitious.

1:16:34 Caller Yeah.

1:16:35 Adam That's a guy I'd like to party with. That is an ambitious man. That's a go-getter.

1:16:39 Caller Yeah.

1:16:40 Adam He's got what we call it or what we call something that rhymes with it on his penis. He's done doing that because you don't do that to a woman who's not ready. You know what I mean? Yeah.

1:16:51 Drew Alcoholics, addicts do very strange sexual stuff sometimes. Things they're terribly ashamed of. They think certain things are a good idea that are really just atrocious ideas. And good, he's in recovery now. Maybe he'll come back when he's working on his amends and give you a call. You may get that uncomfortable phone call someday. Imagine how that one goes, Adam.

1:17:10 Adam I've had it with Margaret Cho.

1:17:13 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:17:14 Caller Yeah.

1:17:16 Adam I've been on, what is that, the eighth step, Drew?

1:17:19 Drew You know, I think it's actually the seventh.

1:17:23 Adam It's the seventh, eighth, and ninth with me. I've had that uncomfortable conversation from people who have gotten sober and then had it seventh, did you say ninth, Drew?

1:17:34 Drew Well, unfortunately, I can't really remember which one it is.

1:17:37 Adam Eight or ninth?

1:17:38 Drew It's in the last half of the thing.

1:17:40 Adam Yeah. Did they actually mention my name on that, or is it just call people you've done wrong in a podcast?

1:17:46 Drew They gave them an embossed version with your name on it.

1:17:50 Adam You know how uncomfortable I am with any kind of confrontation or any kind of feelings or anything like that?

1:17:55 Drew Yeah.

1:17:56 Adam I get that feeling like, hey Adam, yeah, who's this?

1:18:01 Caller John.

1:18:03 Adam What's up, buddy?

1:18:06 Caller We need to talk.

1:18:08 Adam About what? Remember when I was drinking? Yeah, I remember that. That was cool. That's fine. Fantastic.

1:18:14 Caller We got to talk.

1:18:17 Adam Why? I said some things. Hey buddy, that's fine. No, it's not fine. I got that from Margaret Cho. She got drunk and said a few things to me and then confronted me and it was like, I'm like, it's cool. And she's like, no, it's not. And I'm like, yeah, it is. And it's like, no, it's not. And I'm like, this is worse. This is worse than whatever you're, you're apologizing for. It was cool before because you were loaded and I know you didn't remember what you said or you didn't whatever. Here's what I'm saying, Drew. Can't people just like come clean to a piñata? Do they have to actually have flesh and blood? You know what I mean? Do they actually have to have the person, have to corner the person they made feel uncomfortable so many years ago and make them feel more uncomfortable again in the sober light of day?

1:19:10 Drew Yes, they do. Yes, they do.

1:19:12 Adam How about they do it to somebody else? How about you go get yourself a day labor and then just pull the guy aside, put the guy in your truck, drive around the block for a while. And it's like, I'm sorry, I caused all the, okay? What's your name again?

1:19:29 Caller Manuel?

1:19:31 Caller Manuel, I'm sorry.

1:19:32 Adam And just use him instead of me. Because that weird step where you have to talk about all the things you've done, it's so uncomfortable. And then you always try to let them off the hook. That's cool. No, no, listen, I've done a few. No, it's not cool. No, hear me out. It's just weird, Drew. Go ahead. Do we need 12 steps? Why don't we make it 10?

1:19:54 Drew Just skip the one.

1:19:56 Adam Well, I'm just going to say there's got to be another step on there we could get rid of, too. Twelve step program. How about a 10 step program? Cleaner. You know what I mean? More accessible.

1:20:07 Caller You know what I mean?

1:20:08 Adam Nobody says, go give that chick a rating on a scale of one to 12. It's one to 10. Everything's one to 10. Make it a 10 step program. Get rid of that nine step where they confront me and then get rid of another one too. I'll let you pick that one. I don't care what it is. As long as the ninth one is gone.

1:20:24 Caller Nicole?

1:20:26 Caller Yeah?

1:20:26 Adam You're 21?

1:20:28 Caller I am.

1:20:29 Adam What's up?

1:20:30 Caller Well, I just, I was actually wanting to know because I've been looking at labiaplasty. Like, I mean.

1:20:38 Drew Who hasn't?

1:20:38 Caller My labia, it's not like a big deal. But I just, was it not being super important? I just want to know if it, if they have that side effect or if there's a concern about maybe not being able to come if you have it done or?

1:20:50 Drew No, no, no, nothing like that. But it, there are various procedures out there and people get very heated on this subject. Why should women have to feel shame and guilty about this? Or why should, again, why should it be limited to living up to some standard they see on Playboy pictures? And it's sort of silly on certain levels. On the other hand, I've actually scrubbed in on these surgeries and they're pretty interesting surgeries. They're pretty benign. They're pretty easily done, though there's a laser procedure out there that I was very impressed by. And they just sort of snip stuff down and that's the end of it.

1:21:17 Adam That's got to smell like something, though.

1:21:19 Drew Oh, it's good times.

1:21:20 Adam Hey, wait a minute, Nicole. Here's what I don't understand. You say you don't have a problem with your labia?

1:21:26 Caller Well, I mean, like, it's not incapacitating. It's not like I'm embarrassed or it stops me from doing anything. It's just if it can be better and there's no harm to it, why not kind of thing?

1:21:37 Adam Yeah.

1:21:38 Caller Well, hold on.

1:21:40 Adam Wait a second. Hold on, Drew. That is not answering the question. It's you know, we're not talking about a male's physique who says, well, I'm not exactly Schwarzenegger, but I could probably pump a few more weights and look a little better with my shirt on. Why are you calling? I don't understand this. What are you talking about? Everything's fine. Everything's great, but it could always be improved. What does that mean? Do you have a problem with the way your labia looks or not?

1:22:12 Caller Well, I guess I do, but it's not a big enough of a problem that if it did have a side effect, I wouldn't be willing to sacrifice good sex for something like that.

1:22:22 Adam What is the problem with it?

1:22:24 Caller I just I'd like them to be smaller.

1:22:26 Adam Smaller? Is the inner ones to be smaller or the outer ones to be smaller?

1:22:31 Caller The inner ones.

1:22:32 Adam Because they come out past the outer ones?

1:22:34 Caller Yeah.

1:22:35 Caller It's not like I've looked into it and there's some people that it looks like it would probably be hard to even walk.

1:22:42 Drew Yeah, it can be pretty substantial.

1:22:44 Adam Ever had any complaints from the boys?

1:22:46 Caller No, and it's not painful. It's just personal. For me, it looks better when they don't. But if people would sacrifice me not being able to come or have good sex, it's not worth it.

1:22:57 Adam I understand. Do you have a boyfriend now?

1:22:59 Caller I do.

1:23:00 Adam Is he cool with it?

1:23:01 Caller Yeah.

1:23:02 Caller All right.

1:23:03 Adam Look, I know there's that whole thing where it matters to me and all that. I'm caught somewhere in between. But look, if you're with a guy or you're with a girl or whoever you're with and whatever sex you are and you have a problem and your partner is completely cool with it, see if you can get over it.

1:23:21 Drew Right. I agree.

1:23:22 Adam If you and now now see and I'm glad you agree with that, Drew, because sometimes you would say, look, she doesn't feel good about her parts. Why not? Blah, blah, blah. But what if I was a guy and said, my penis is small. I'd like to enlarge my penis and you'd say, will you have a girlfriend? Yes. Does she have an organ? Do you have good sex? Does she have a problem? No, everything's fine. You'd say, well, then please. What are you talking about?

1:23:45 Drew Yeah.

1:23:45 Adam Well, I would say the same thing to her.

1:23:48 Drew Although there's one caveat with this that's hard to understand as a male is that women, if they don't like how they look, it's hard for them to be, they don't feel sexual. Therefore it's hard to be sexual. And so when you say to her, I don't mind, it's great. There's no problem. I like, I love you as you are. It doesn't feel anything different. Then she feels not understood. And now she's even angrier and less likely to have sex with you.

1:24:07 Adam I understand that because that's the way women are. But she doesn't want to jeopardize her good sex life and her orgasm. I'm I'm guessing she is having a pretty satisfying sexual life.

1:24:19 Drew I agree.

1:24:20 Caller Thank you. We'll take a break. We'll be back.

1:24:25 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline in just a minute or two.

1:24:33 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Vibrations, the award winning vibrating condom ring at gotvibes.com. Make safe sex great and great sex even greater. You have to try to believe it. Only at gotvibes.com.

1:24:59 Caller Get It On!

1:25:01 Adam Drew, you know what I'm this close to doing?

1:25:03 Drew Drop and trow.

1:25:04 Adam Drop and trow.

1:25:09 Drew You're good at that, man, you can drop trow anywhere. These guys will go out in public and drop trow.

1:25:14 Adam I'll tell you what, I could tell you the last time I dropped trow, but I have to kill you.

1:25:20 Caller You were so Corolla, you were so Pavlovian with that song. I'm gonna kill you. Every time I play that song, you're dropping me.

1:25:26 Adam That makes me want to drop trow.

1:25:29 Caller I'm erasing the song.

1:25:31 Adam I will. I'll tell you, I'll drop trow. Hey everybody, Dr. Drew, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Drew over there in Phoenix tonight. Daughter's gonna do herself a double sow cow. Out on the ice tomorrow.

1:25:47 Drew Double flips, double loops.

1:25:49 Adam Not flips.

1:25:50 Drew Double Lutzs.

1:25:51 Caller Lutzs.

1:25:52 Drew The flip is a jump. It's not a flip.

1:25:55 Caller It's not a full-blown flip.

1:25:56 Drew No, no, no, no.

1:25:57 Adam All right. Let's do a little phone calling here. Talk to Amber, who's been on hold for 112 minutes.

1:26:05 Drew Well done, Adam. Well done.

1:26:07 Adam Sorry, baby.

1:26:09 Caller Hello?

1:26:10 Adam Amber?

1:26:11 Caller Yeah.

1:26:12 Adam You're 19? You're calling from Salt Lake City?

1:26:17 Caller Yeah.

1:26:17 Adam Mm-hmm. Drew probably has a question for you.

1:26:21 Caller Shoot. Go for it.

1:26:24 Drew Are you a Mormon?

1:26:25 Caller No.

1:26:28 Adam That was real, Drew.

1:26:31 Caller That was real?

1:26:32 Adam Yeah.

1:26:33 Caller All right.

1:26:34 Adam Go ahead, Amber. What's your question?

1:26:37 Caller All right. Well, I just I have bad anxiety, and I'm scared to go to the doctor, so I take my brother's medication.

1:26:46 Drew That's not good. What medicines are you taking?

1:26:49 Caller Clonopin or Clonazepam, so I'm not sure.

1:26:51 Drew Yeah. It's the same thing. Well, that's a good anti-anxiety medicine when it's managed carefully, but it can be terribly addictive and it's a withdrawal. If you are an addict, that can be super miserable. It can last up to a year.

1:27:07 Adam What's your brother got going?

1:27:10 Caller He has ADD, anxiety, depression, all of it.

1:27:15 Drew Why is everybody so messed up?

1:27:17 Adam It's your day late, a dollar short with that one Anderson.

1:27:20 Caller Yeah.

1:27:22 Caller I don't know what's wrong with him. He's an addict. He is. My dad is an addict.

1:27:26 Drew Okay. Well, there you go.

1:27:28 Adam What else is going on? You're 19. You're living in Salt Lake. Are you working?

1:27:33 Caller Yeah, I'm working. I have a good job, but the anxiety is kind of taking a toll on that too.

1:27:41 Adam Are you living away from home?

1:27:43 Caller Yeah, I live on my own.

1:27:45 Adam Do you have a roommate?

1:27:46 Caller I'm getting one.

1:27:48 Adam Okay. And what's your job?

1:27:50 Caller I work at a call center.

1:27:52 Adam Mm-hmm. And you like it?

1:27:54 Caller I do like it.

1:27:56 Drew What does that mean, a call center?

1:27:59 Caller Well, I don't want to give it away.

1:28:01 Drew Describe to me what you do. I mean, do you make cold calls and try to sell things? I mean, what do you mean?

1:28:06 Caller People call me.

1:28:08 Caller Sex?

1:28:09 Adam Phone sex?

1:28:12 Caller No.

1:28:13 Caller Oh, okay.

1:28:14 Adam Sometimes a long laugh means yes. All right, look, if you're 19 and you have a job you like, you are way ahead of the game. But you need to treat your depression or get your whatever under control. You just, you know, nipping off your brother's meds is not going to be a good long-term solution for you, Amber.

1:28:35 Drew I know, agreed.

1:28:37 Adam You're smart, you work hard.

1:28:39 Caller I'm scared of the long-term, you know. I don't want anything bad to happen.

1:28:46 Adam Yeah, well, can you not take his meds and see how that goes? Or do you feel like you're going to have to get into some kind of rehab?

1:28:53 Caller No, I mean, I'm not that bad. It's just I have good days, bad days. I try to spread the pills out so that he doesn't notice it.

1:29:01 Drew Look, you need to get this managed. Why don't you get proper treatment? What's holding you back?

1:29:06 Adam Well, you know, she's 19. She doesn't think she has a problem. Amber, get some treatment.

1:29:13 Drew Go see who was treating your brother. You know, maybe you too.

1:29:17 Adam Who's treating your brother? You have it? He has a doctor?

1:29:20 Caller Well, he has insurance through my mom and I have my own insurance.

1:29:24 Adam OK, talk to your mom or talk to your brother about seeing his doctor.

1:29:28 Drew I have mild concerns about this doctor because whoever he is or she is prescribing clonopin to an addict. And that's a bad move.

1:29:35 Caller Really? Yeah.

1:29:37 Adam It's obviously it's a dude. There's no chick doctors.

1:29:42 Caller Huh?

1:29:43 Drew Yeah.

1:29:44 Caller Well, why are you laughing?

1:29:45 Drew I'm just saying. Just saying.

1:29:49 Adam Marcus Welby, not Maria Welby.

1:29:52 Caller You understand?

1:29:55 Adam Let's talk to, let's see, Maya. Lisa only had sex when she was on math. Lisa.

1:30:06 Caller Hi.

1:30:07 Adam You've only had sex when you're on math?

1:30:09 Caller No. I mean, I've had sex before. But I had a few boyfriends, but on my last boyfriend, I started having math while, I started doing math while having sex.

1:30:21 Drew You started, you started doing math. Okay. All right. Yeah. And?

1:30:25 Adam That sounds, sounds bad.

1:30:26 Caller Yeah. I mean, I used it as an enhancer for a little bit, you know, to help enhance some stuff. And then after a while I was addicted, and now I'm not. I'm actually doing really well. But I've never been able to have an orgasm while having sex. And I'm wondering if that decreases in my chance of having an orgasm while having sex.

1:30:44 Drew No.

1:30:44 Adam You never had it when you were on the math either, right?

1:30:47 Caller Yeah, that's true. But I'm worried I made it super worse now.

1:30:50 Drew Being a woman makes it so you can't have an orgasm while having sex. That's a normal condition.

1:30:54 Adam That's right. Being a woman and being with me actually cements it in.

1:30:58 Drew Guarantees it, guarantees it.

1:30:59 Adam Yeah. That's called a lock in the gambling world. They call this locks.

1:31:05 Drew And you should expect to primarily be able to have orgasm with oral sex.

1:31:11 Adam All right, Drew, let's do a little plug-in here. Don't you, do you have a Lantz?

1:31:17 Drew I do. I have a special coming out at 8 o'clock on Sunday on Discovery Health Channel. It's a pretty good show. I just finished all the voice stuff for it today. And it's about surviving cancer. And I did a long interview with Lantz Armstrong. It's so frustrating, as you know, television, Adam. I did this like two-hour interview with him. All this amazing stuff he told me. Yeah, eight minutes of it. Yeah.

1:31:36 Adam Backed in to 33 seconds.

1:31:38 Drew Yeah, eight minutes of mixing in.

1:31:39 Adam It's awesome.

1:31:39 Drew It's like, oh, man.

1:31:41 Caller Yeah.

1:31:41 Adam And you're like, what about this?

1:31:42 Caller What about that? Yeah.

1:31:44 Adam I know. When you start telling good jokes and they start cropping all that crap out.

1:31:49 Caller At least your stuff's boring. Right.

1:31:51 Adam I mean, you know what I'm saying.

1:31:53 Drew Yes, yeah, yeah. Of course.

1:31:55 Adam Yeah. And I'll give a little plug in myself. Too late with Adam Carolla on tonight. Oh, Andy Melonakis on tonight's show on Comedy Central. And also Adam Carolla Project, which you guys need to watch because that's a good show. I think they re-air that on Saturday at 11 o'clock on TLC. Drew, you're going to have to get caught up on that. You don't want to fall behind.

1:32:20 Drew I watched one episode. I just didn't hear it.

1:32:23 Adam Yeah, I know. Now you got to hear, baby. All right. We will, by the way, it is the ninth step where you make amends.

1:32:29 Drew Ninth step. Thank you, partner.

1:32:30 Adam We'll take a quick break. Oh no, you were right.

1:32:33 Drew No, I kept saying seventh or ninth. I couldn't remember. I knew it wasn't eighth.

1:32:36 Adam All right.

1:32:37 Drew Because I used to say eighth and I found out that was wrong.

1:32:39 Adam I know. When I listened to you and I found out I was wrong for listening to you.

1:32:44 Drew We'll take a quick break.

1:32:45 Adam We'll be right back after this.

1:33:04 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:33:23 Caller Yeah, well, that's it.

1:33:25 Adam That's it for the week. I want to thank Patricia for doing a great job handling the phone calls all week. I want to thank engineers Richelle and Marcus, and I want to thank Anderson, of course, and Nimblefingered1. Also want to thank, oh, Rick, engineer Rick, and Patricia's the name. And until next time, is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew? Yeah. Oh, Drew, give me a call. Sayin mahalo.

1:34:21 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, October 6, 2005