Episode 1000730369990

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

1:17 With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

1:21 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, Dish-Bad, Bad-Bad, Viva. Yeah, baby.

1:32 Drew You're in a good mood.

1:33 Adam Woo!

1:33 Drew How come?

1:34 Adam Get It On.

1:35 Drew How come?

1:35 Adam Got to go home for three hours. And I didn't take a nap.

1:39 Drew Good times.

1:39 Adam Yeah, it was awesome.

1:40 Woof.

1:41 Went home.

1:42 Drew No, no, too late today?

1:45 Adam I did my Comedy Central show during the day. Got out of there about 5.30 or so.

1:52 Drew Oh, nice.

1:53 Adam And sat in traffic for an hour or so. Awesome. This city is like an artery that's getting more and more plaque built up on it and closing and slowing and the blood, the blood passing through the arteries, slowing and slowing and slowing. And it's been going on for 40 years and it just keeps slowing and all the doctors just stand around with their hands on their hips and no one wants to put a shunt up there or do something aggressive. Put something, no one wants to do anything. And then they say, oh yeah, oh yeah, it's a problem. It is a problem.

2:31 Drew Patients gonna die soon.

2:32 Adam Soon, soon.

2:34 Drew Anyway, what's for lunch?

2:35 Adam Yeah, what's for lunch? It's too bad. There's no technology that can solve this that, well, it's been around for a scant 70 years. Well, buses and subways and tunnels and rails and things like that.

2:47 Drew God knows we couldn't invest in building a bunch of signs and redirecting people with, I don't know why we have that.

2:54 Adam You will be glad, Drew, that I had a staff member over at Call? Too late. Yes, Seth McFarland, by the way, family guy on tonight, does all the voices, reads the disclaimer for Major League Baseball.

3:10 Drew Nice, does he?

3:11 Adam Well, he does them all. Yes, that's what I do. I whipped him and made him a bitch. He's on a night at 12 on Comedy Central, but I had my crack staff try to figure out what's going on in the city with those big freeway signs.

3:26 Drew What'd they find out?

3:27 Adam They said the ones that we pass under are down, or the one we pass under is down, but I pointed out there was two.

3:33 Drew It just doesn't work?

3:36 That's their...

3:37 Drew Except when there's an amber alert?

3:39 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

3:40 Adam Look, I mean, come on. Here's what we ought to do.

3:43 Drew That's a classic LA County response.

3:46 Adam Here's my plan. Here's my plan if I'm running the city. I'm just saying, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to do a buyout program. I'm going to go to the DMV. I'm going to go to Caltrans. I'm going to go to Meermades. I'm going to go everywhere, and I'm going to go look. No, I'm not even going to privatize. I'm going to go look. I've done some work. I've crunched some numbers. You fat, slow, angry DMV employee, you fat, slow, angry Caltrans employee, you're 33 years old, you're going to be working until you're 67, you're making 47 grand a year. I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you $5 million right now for you never to come back and not replace them. I still say we save money as a city and are more efficient because we'd have to pay these guys like $7 million over the course of the next 35 years. Let's just front them the money, front them half and they never have to come back.

4:36 Drew It's a great idea.

4:36 Adam Be awesome. And I don't think anyone would know the difference. Yeah, it still is potholes every 10 feet and it's gridlock anyway. What's the difference?

4:44 Drew Best tickets.

4:45 Adam All right. Drew, one other thing as it pertains to this, I heard some story. You know, we always talk about incentives.

4:55 Drew Yes.

4:55 Adam That's how you get people to change. Telling people to carpool, telling people to vanpool.

5:01 Drew I don't want to pick nets here, but you can't make people change, but the incentives are just to encourage good behavior we want.

5:07 Adam Yes.

5:07 Drew They really won't change.

5:08 Adam No, they won't change. Their hearts won't change, but you'll force change.

5:11 Drew Some behavior, yeah.

5:12 Adam Change your behavior. I just heard a study where, you know, GM and Ford and everything came out. They're like quarterly sales and earnings reports. All the big stuff's way down.

5:24 Drew Oh, it's down.

5:24 Adam Way down. Way down. I mean, Ford Excursion and even the Explorer and the big trucks and all that stuff. Boom, all down 25, 30 percent. Why? Gas went up 75 cents over the last six months.

5:36 Drew Who wants an SUV? Impossible.

5:37 Adam That's it. It's $3.25 a gallon. Boom. The date gets, it's $3.25 a gallon. No more Ford Excursions. When it gets to five bucks a gallon, no more Ford Explorers. That's the way it works.

5:48 Drew Well, at five bucks, everyone's in hybrids and civics. That's it.

5:52 Adam Yeah. Well, I'm saying five bucks, you never sell another Explorer again, and then it just keeps going from there. You want to get people to carpool. You want to get people out of the math, right? Make gas $10 a gallon and never buy, never buy another Hummer. That's it. All right. That's how it works. Sarah?

6:11 Hi.

6:12 Adam You're 18?

6:13 Caller Yes.

6:14 Adam What's up?

6:15 Caller Okay. Well, I've been seeing this guy for about a year. You know, we do our thing, have sex and our thing, but it's like every time. I get so wet that it messes it all up. You know what I mean? He goes soft. I don't really feel it anymore. And I don't know if that's normal. If there's something I could do about that.

6:32 Drew It's hard. It's not, it's not, doesn't mean anything's wrong, but it's not typical. And some women do complain about this. I've certainly heard this before. We had something like this the other night.

6:42 Adam Yeah, last night.

6:43 Drew She was having frequent discharge, which is slightly different.

6:46 Adam How about he, I don't know, maybe it's just me watching the Angels game in the back room. How about I put a little pine tar on that bat? You know what I mean? So we get a little grab.

6:53 Drew Well, you just could use the bag. You don't have to put the pine tar. The rosin bag? Yeah.

6:59 Adam Well, I think you throw the rosin bag in there, but then tar up the bat. That's what I'm saying.

7:04 Drew Oh, the bat. I got it.

7:05 Adam Put some pine tar on the bat.

7:06 Drew Got it. Got it. Got it.

7:07 Adam Yeah, get a little grip. Get a little grab.

7:09 Drew That's all.

7:11 Adam All right.

7:11 Drew All right. And so, Sarah, what I said last night that I think still stands tonight is that you could consider a progesterone-containing birth control pill or Depo-Provera. Sometimes that tends to cause a little drying, and that might be helpful.

7:24 Adam Other than that, what else can you think about the Holocaust?

7:27 Drew I guess put a tampon in beforehand. I'm not aware of what you can do. By the way, it's not that big a deal.

7:34 Adam You want to ask Sarah what the Holocaust was?

7:36 Drew Ask her how big the guy's penis is, too, while you're at it.

7:39 Adam Sarah? Two questions. Tell us what the Holocaust was and how big is his dork.

7:47 Caller Wait, what are you talking about? Okay, I'm not understanding, I'm sorry.

7:53 Adam Tell us, explain the Holocaust to us, if you would. The Holocaust? Yeah, and then tell us how big his penis is.

8:01 Caller Alright, well, me and myself, I'm about two fingers, you know what I mean? So it's not that big.

8:10 Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

8:15 Adam She dropped the F-bomb as I was putting her on hold.

8:18 Drew Yeah, we were not talking about, that was the weirdest answer of two specific questions I've ever heard.

8:23 Adam Well, I asked it, I did ask it twice.

8:25 Drew And clearly. And she went, oh, okay, got it now. And then went completely in a different direction.

8:29 Adam And she was about, she was about two, two fingers.

8:32 Drew It's like this one, watch. You a Mormon?

8:34 That's G-14, that doesn't fall into play.

8:39 Drew Are you Mormon? Wow. Let's, I want to, I'm intrigued by Sarah now.

8:45 Adam I know, but I'm, all right.

8:48 Drew All right, Sarah, let's do the Holocaust first.

8:49 Adam Sarah, you can not use profanity on the air. I'm sorry. All right, all right, just think, think fast and talk slow. By the way, this needs to be the rallying call of all stupid people.

9:04 Drew You're fat.

9:05 Adam The rallying call of the dumb is think fast, talk slow. Right now, you guys are talk fast, think slow.

9:10 Drew Yep.

9:10 Adam That's trouble.

9:11 Drew That's bad.

9:11 That is trouble.

9:13 Adam Cause that's the thing where it's like, you get pulled over and the cops like, where are you heading? You're like, over to my girlfriend's house to kill her? Oh Christ. See what I mean? Slow it down, do some thinking. Yes? Yes. That's where the profanity comes out. You ever notice? They just, they get a little head of steam. You know what it's like? You know what it's like for dumb people when you're talking?

9:34 Drew Yeah.

9:34 Adam Talking fast? Remember your kid and you'd be going down a hill on a skateboard? You'd be going too fast or getting a wobble so you try to step off?

9:40 Drew Yeah.

9:40 Adam You take two steps and plow your face?

9:43 Drew Yes.

9:43 Adam Because you're going too fast? Legs can't keep up with the speed. All right. Now, Sarah?

9:51 Caller Yeah.

9:52 Adam All right. Nice and slow. Tell me what you know about the Holocaust.

9:57 Caller The Holocaust?

9:58 Adam Yes.

9:59 Caller With the deuce?

10:00 Drew Yes.

10:01 Caller And everything like that?

10:02 Drew Yes.

10:03 Caller Hitler? All right. Where's this COVID from? All right. Let's see.

10:09 Caller Slow, slow.

10:11 Caller America turned their back on him, pretend it wasn't going on. Hitler almost took over all of Europe, got stopped in Russia. Almost all of that whole thing that he did take over all of Europe.

10:25 Drew The Holocaust was?

10:27 Caller When?

10:28 Drew Was?

10:29 Caller Was. What do you mean was?

10:33 Drew What was it?

10:37 Caller I know this word. I do. Like a mass murder that killed all the people.

10:41 Drew All right. That's good. Well done, Sarah.

10:43 Adam Nice shot.

10:45 Drew Okay. Now we'll listen for a while more.

10:47 Adam No matter what piece of history you explain, there's always something America should have done. We turned our back on.

10:55 Drew That's how it's being educated.

10:56 Adam By the way, when you're across an ocean and something's going on in another land, namely Europe.

11:03 Drew By the way, you've been an isolationist for 150 years.

11:06 Adam Yes. And this is during a time when there's no aircraft that can actually make it from here to there in one hop. How do you turn your back? Like, here's all I'm saying. Here's what I'm saying. Do we ever blame Germany or England for turning their back on the race riots we had here in the 60s?

11:24 Drew Right.

11:25 Adam Germany, France, they turned their back on us, man. What?

11:30 Drew Yeah.

11:30 Adam Huh? What about, oh, you know, I'll tell you what really, really, really steams my bean is the Middle East and Africa turning the backs on this country. The times of what turned their back on us on 9-11, turned their back on us during the civil rights wounds, the riots, turned their back on us. What about when the stock market fell through in 29 or 27, or whatever the hell that was?

11:56 Drew It is kind of interesting when the-

11:57 Adam Africa turned their back on us.

11:59 Drew But it's kind of how the world thinks about the predominant power. I mean, when we were having the Revolutionary War, the French turned their back on us until they came in and blockaded.

12:07 Adam Right.

12:08 Drew So there's something to that.

12:09 Adam Yeah. All right. But I'm just saying, Germany decides to start gathering up folks from Europe and putting them in ovens. And we are 6,000 miles away. Turn our back. Or at least on least where I am. I'm 6,000 miles away. Turn our back.

12:27 Drew So did we finish with Sarah?

12:28 Adam I have no idea.

12:29 Drew Big his.

12:30 Adam Oh, yeah. Well, she's two fingers worse. Sarah.

12:32 Caller That's good.

12:33 Drew How big is your boyfriend?

12:34 Caller He's he's about five, six.

12:37 Drew I knew that was coming.

12:40 Caller I was going to say, what do you mean? I already asked you about how big he was before.

12:43 Adam Slow, baby. You're saying he wasn't too big and you're about two fingers worse.

12:49 Caller He's pretty big. It's not like a smaller nothing.

12:52 Drew That's what we're asking. There's an anatomical problem.

12:54 Adam Two fingers, two fingers flat or two fingers vertical?

12:57 Drew It's all the same.

12:58 Adam Is it ever?

12:59 Drew I mean, you know, it's a pretty resilient area.

13:02 Adam All right. All right.

13:03 Drew It's average.

13:04 Adam All right. Who can talk to Caitlin?

13:06 Drew Yeah. Caitlin is my hero.

13:08 Adam Why? What she do? See, Caitlin.

13:11 Hello.

13:11 Adam You're 16.

13:13 Caller Yeah.

13:13 Adam What's happening, baby doll?

13:15 Caller I have a question for Dr. Drew.

13:17 Drew Yes, ma'am.

13:20 Caller I'm pregnant. I'm four months pregnant and I'm giving my baby up for adoption.

13:23 Adam Yeah. All right.

13:27 Caller I just need to know, I did drugs for like four years. I got clean in January. I just wanted, do I need to put that on there? Because it asked me on there a lot if I've ever used drugs.

13:38 Drew Yeah, I would because it helps the child in terms of their medical history. It doesn't change the adoption.

13:45 Caller I just wanted to put there the history of drug addiction because there are on both sides of our family.

13:50 Drew Yeah, but it's important to know that you did it too, I got to tell you.

13:54 Caller I just wasn't sure. I wasn't sure if they really need, I asked my mom, she's like, well, they don't really need to know, but I sort of feel like they do.

14:00 Drew It's important for the child, not for anybody else.

14:02 Adam It's interesting that that's an awesome conversation to have with your mom. We should all hope, Drew, you as a parent hope in a few short years you have that discussion with one of your children.

14:10 Drew About her adopted dad.

14:11 Adam Me, pregnant, giving up a kid for adoption, one time about how to fill out the application. Yeah, can't I just say history of drug abuse? I have to check the box. It says marijuana, the one says meth. Yeah, mom. Mom, I'll tell you what, go get your old paperwork.

14:24 Drew Let's take a look at that. Doc Smith says Galleria and Chlamydia. Do I have to put both of them?

14:29 Adam Okay, just write the clap. Caitlin?

14:31 Caller Yeah.

14:32 Adam Yeah, so what drugs were you doing?

14:35 Caller Just a lot. I mean, Oxycontin, mainly Oxycontin.

14:39 Drew Oh, really? And you're sober from that now? You're not taking anything right now?

14:43 Caller No, I've been clean for eight months.

14:45 Drew No, nothing. No methadone, no buprenax. No methadone or anything like that?

14:51 No, no.

14:52 Caller No, I just went to rehab and came out.

14:55 Drew Well, you need to stay with the program. It's easier to manage that biology as a teenager, interestingly.

15:00 Adam Yeah.

15:00 Drew Yeah, the power of the opiates is not quite as intense until the age of 18 when the withdrawal stuff, the syndromes kick in, the intensity of the driers become different. So really pay attention to this. Do not use them again. It will be a bad time.

15:12 Caller No, I'm not going to. I'm not going to.

15:14 Drew All right. Statistically, you are.

15:16 Adam And do you use your dad around?

15:19 Caller Yeah. No, I'm really fine. It's not anything to do with that.

15:23 Adam Okay.

15:23 Drew How did you get strung out of drugs?

15:26 Caller I mean, my brother did them and I just sort of hung out with people at denim. Sort of started, kept going. That's about it.

15:33 Adam All right. Your biological dad's there?

15:37 Caller Well, I was adopted too, which is where I screwed up.

15:40 Adam Now it's coming together.

15:41 Drew Yeah.

15:42 Adam Yeah.

15:42 Drew How old were you when you were adopted?

15:44 Caller I was just a baby. All right.

15:46 Drew How old?

15:46 Adam There you go. Well, a baby.

15:49 Drew But how old?

15:50 Caller Like literally like four days old or something.

15:53 Drew Excellent.

15:54 Caller Perfect.

15:54 Adam There you go.

15:54 Drew Good. All right.

15:55 Adam Good work.

15:56 Caller Okay.

15:56 Adam And you know what the odds of this kid getting pregnant and giving someone up for adoption?

16:02 Caller You know, are bad.

16:04 Drew Actually, actually the probability that the adoption, the pregnancy better than the addiction part.

16:10 Adam Oh, you mean better?

16:11 Drew The addiction is about 50 percent. The pregnancy and the adoption is about 95 percent.

16:16 Adam Well, you know, we bust everyone's shops, but you know, 16, four months pregnant, giving the kid up for adoption, strung out on Oxycontin. And it's like, where's your dad? Oh, he's right here.

16:28 Drew Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

16:30 Adam What? What's up? Because here's the thing. Everything's just a repetitive cycle. That's all.

16:36 Drew There's an equation with you.

16:37 Adam You're giving your kid up for adoption. Well, what happened? You got adopted. Your dad. What's going on? That's how it works. This is why, by the way, we must do nothing but profile. This is why you profile. The whole reason you profile is so you can get to the Caitlin's before Caitlin gets pregnant.

16:59 Drew It doesn't diminish her dignity as a human being or as an individual. It's just her brain is going to operate in her set of principles like every other brain. You can predict what's going to help her and what she's likely to do and intervene.

17:11 Adam Well, that's the other thing too. I think a lot of people, getting to somebody when they're 13 and trying to prevent them from being pregnant by 14, is not an attack on that person.

17:25 Drew Especially by virtue of saying, look, we've looked at your profile and you're at risk, so we want to help you.

17:30 Adam I know. I don't understand why that becomes an assault on their persona. It's like if they were way behind in the reading at age 12 and somebody said, look, you're functionally illiterate right now, we're scared you're going to push through the system and be out trying to fill out a job application when you're 18 and just scribbling a happy face on it. We're going to get to you, we're going to give you some help. Oh yeah, why don't you help this kid over? Well, he's right there should be reading pretty well. So I know it's getting cathartic. It was showing a hold of me.

18:06 Drew A little scary.

18:08 Adam David?

18:09 Caller Yes, sir. Adam.

18:10 Caller How's it going, Bosch?

18:12 Adam Good.

18:14 Caller Yeah, I'm just calling because I wanted to thank you because you gave me a pointer about a year and a half ago to do the puppeteer trick. I'm a male dancer and I've been doing that ever since and it's a huge hit at my butt.

18:27 Drew Hold on, I'm trying to process this.

18:30 Adam The penis move?

18:31 Caller Yeah, the penis move, yeah, with a imaginary string when I kind of bounce it up and down.

18:36 Drew He's a male stripper.

18:37 Adam Yeah, you do the little marionette move where you get a little, you get, I don't know if he's allowed to give.

18:42 Drew He gives himself an erection?

18:44 Adam I don't know if he gives it to him.

18:45 Drew Oh boy.

18:46 Adam I give me mine. Sometimes I trade with other people.

18:49 Drew Yeah, yeah.

18:49 Adam And when we go on the road, I'll give you an erection, you give me an erection.

18:53 Drew And then we trade the Yu-Gi-Oh! cards after that.

18:55 Yeah.

18:56 Adam And you get a little erection, penis sticks out, sticks out about.

19:00 Drew Okay, enough. I get the visual.

19:03 Adam You know, if your torso is high noon, penis sticking out about 245, 230, something like that. Then you put your hand over it about, about 14 inches, like you're controlling a marionette. And you do that move.

19:16 Drew The up and down, like you're making it dance. And this.

19:21 Adam You ever see that?

19:22 Drew Is this part of the Survivor dance?

19:23 Adam You ever see a penis? No.

19:24 Drew This is part of the Survivor dance?

19:25 Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

19:30 Adam I drew to show you hers. I don't want the first one. She needs to be mine.

19:34 Just point the girl.

19:36 Adam Do the puppet. Drew, what? I know.

19:39 Drew So it's this.

19:39 Adam Yeah, it's that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You do that thing. And most guys, it's weird, but you can do it. There's no practice.

19:45 Drew Younger guys, especially can do it. Right. More muscular tone that are right.

19:49 Adam So this is, you know, it's a good time.

19:52 Drew Sure. Sure.

19:53 Caller Yeah.

19:53 Drew David, extra tips. And now the idea of giving yourself and getting an erection face in front of are you.

20:00 Adam Yeah. Well, I bet you he's not fully wrecked when he does his stripper stuff.

20:04 Caller Actually, I am. What I do is I kind of use to stay tight off. And I come out there with a full boner and I do the I do the I call it the birthday bounce.

20:15 Adam Mm hmm. And and is that a little are you totally nude at this point?

20:21 Caller Totally nude. You know, at first I thought it would be corny too. But I came out there and the chicks, they go crazy. It's insane. I mean, just the control that I got, they go nuts. It's crazy.

20:33 Adam Well, these aren't chicks. These are ladies first off. They're just chicks.

20:37 Caller Oh yeah, you're right.

20:38 Adam Correct. And you got there, you're dancing at private parties.

20:44 Caller No, actually, I work at a bar. It's a strip club. But it's Danny the Windsor Cross from Detroit.

20:49 Adam One would hope it's not a general, it's not like a chess and a baccarat club. I get the strip club part because if it's just a standard bar, like just TGI Fridays, you can't come out with the C ring in the erection. That's not gonna last.

21:04 Drew I'm surprised that they can, even in a strip bar, it's like simulating sex acts in a way.

21:10 Adam Well, guys, at the strip, they wear their little banana and hammocky thing and stuff, but I didn't know that the thing was coming completely out with the erection. David?

21:21 Caller Yeah. In Windsor, it's a different law.

21:24 Adam Okay. Yeah.

21:26 Caller We're allowed to do it over there in Ontario, Canada, which full nudity.

21:29 Drew It was in Canada.

21:29 Adam Oh, I see. You're going to Windsor. Okay. Isn't there Windsor, Detroit too?

21:33 Drew Windsor's Michigan?

21:34 Caller Right across. I live in Detroit. I live in Detroit. It's right across the river, 20 minutes.

21:39 Adam Right. But there's a Windsor, Michigan and a Windsor, Canada?

21:44 Caller You know, I believe there is a Windsor, Michigan, but it's probably a little hick town.

21:49 Adam So you're in Windsor, Canada?

21:51 Caller Yes, sir.

21:53 Drew If you're in that GM building and looking across the river, is that Canada across the river?

21:57 Caller Yeah, that's a Canada right across.

21:58 Drew Correct.

21:58 Adam So you go over there and you dance and now when you have the erection and the erection is flying around, what else? Anyone ever grab hold of it?

22:08 Caller No, we're on stage. We're too far away. They don't have the opportunity.

22:11 Adam All right. You ever get with any of the chicks?

22:14 Caller Of course, man, the hotel parties after are insane.

22:18 Adam When how's the hotel party work?

22:20 Caller Worst because the bachelor that's are coming over there and they got their group of girls and then they're like, hey, want to come back to the hotel, hang out party and just the mayhem that goes down is, I don't know, like I tell all my friends, if I die tomorrow, I've experienced everything that I've ever wanted to experience in my life.

22:37 Adam That's awesome. And you ever now, now you ever do it, you ever do anything with any of the like bridesmaids or brides, ever any of the brides to be?

22:47 Caller Oh man, you'd be, I tell you what, if the bachelors could only see what their bachelor had to do when they're not around, I'm sure a lot of marriages wouldn't be happening.

23:00 Adam Really?

23:00 Caller It's kind of sad.

23:02 Adam Really? What is, I mean, you ever just have straight sex with them?

23:08 Caller With the bachelorette?

23:09 Adam Yeah.

23:10 Caller Me personally? No, it's usually BJs and stuff.

23:13 Adam BJs?

23:14 Caller Yeah.

23:16 Adam In a group setting? Or you go to a bedroom with them?

23:20 Caller No, you come in there, I mean, you have like four or five girls on you after work in the hotel, I mean, they don't care, it's no shame. I mean, you know, they walk into that place and something triggered and you know, they're pierced.

23:31 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

23:34 Caller It's crazy.

23:34 Adam Nice. Nice. All right. I'm getting all right. I'm getting tipped. I should be getting a piece of this action, by the way. I taught him the puppet movement has led to all this, all the BJs and all the dancing at the hotels and all that stuff. Here's the thing about women. I really feel like once they get whipped up, they become, you know what they are? They're like sharks. You think sharks, sharks you think of are like men, but they're like women, which is sharks are mostly docile.

24:04 Drew They're quiet.

24:05 Adam They're supposed to be killers, but they mainly just swim around and mind their own business. And even if you're in the water next to them, they just swim past you. They get a little curious sometimes. Once you get a little blood in the water and you get them whipped up and you get a little of that frenzy thing, and there's a piece of meat floating around and one of them grabs it and scurries the other two, bite it and stuff like that. That's what it is. You get, there ain't no chicks going to male strip clubs alone. They're not just sitting there alone. There's not two of them. Like the deal is me and my buddy could go to a strip club if we're in Vegas, but there's no two chicks. They're just going to go sit there alone. But they get in a group. They go out. The booze starts flowing.

24:43 Drew Chumps enters the tank.

24:44 Adam That's chum in the waters now. And yeah, then yeah, then they get whipped up. And then the puppet comes flying out with the C ring and pow, they bite.

24:55 Drew But that's not that's not those women would never see a prostitute.

24:58 Adam No.

24:59 Drew Never.

25:00 Adam No, they would never see a prostitute. And they probably, this is why I was sort of poking around, probably wouldn't even just leave with the guy and go to the next room.

25:08 Drew Well, it has to be in the frenzy.

25:09 Adam Now, if this is guys, if this is guys, it's like, listen, I'm gonna go with her in the bathroom for about, about somewhere between seven and 12 minutes. I will pay a little more. Let's understand the sloppy seconds principle.

25:23 Drew Well, also there's that, the eye of the tie, the serious.

25:25 Adam Yeah, everyone, hey dude, hey dude, maintain, serious, hey dude, seriously, seriously.

25:33 Drew And it's so quiet. I'm gonna go over here.

25:34 Adam Just listen to me. I'm taking Chandra and Jade. Like the guy is hoarding. Really taking Chandra and Jade.

25:47 Drew Shh, shh, shh, shh, just listen to me. Just a second. Just a second.

25:50 Adam Dude, okay.

25:51 Drew They're fine with it. They're fine with it.

25:52 Adam Do you understand me, bros? They're quiet and listening. First off, okay, okay, stop. Okay, if I hear anything else about the minibar, I swear, Christ, dude, would you just maintain and listen. I'm gonna take Chandra and Jade into the suite, okay? You need to stay here because I need a point, man. I need someone to keep it cool. All right, now I'm paying three, okay? Someone's gonna make an ATM run. Okay. If you bring up the mini bar, you go down to the casino. I'm gonna give you my pin number, okay, dude? We're gonna need you to be cool. I'll take Chandra and Jade into the bathroom. We're going into the bathroom. Is there a lock on the door of the suite? Okay, we're going. I don't want to hear about the mini bar. That's what guys do. The chicks, they're just having a good time in the pee.

26:44 Ah, don't do it. I dare you. No, don't do it.

26:48 Adam That's what chicks do. But they're like screwing around. Guys get all serious.

26:52 Drew It's funny. It's not funny. Guys, guys, it's not funny.

26:56 Adam Chicks like a cat that kills a moth doesn't want to eat it. It's just, it's flopping around. It's having a good time. It's playing around. Moss dead, but not because the cat hated it or wanted to eat it or was hungry. Cat was hungry. Guys, serious.

27:10 Caller Hey, dude.

27:11 Adam All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

27:16 Caller Hello, is this your radio?

27:19 Love Line will be right back.

27:22 Adam Want to dress up your sex life? Visit durex.com. There's sex and then there's durex. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191er. Yeah, that's my song. System of a Down. Yeah. Hardest rocking Armenian band in the Glendale Burbank area. That's what I got to say about that band. Good guys, good rock, good falafel. That should really just be their creed. Good guys, good rock, good falafel.

28:11 Drew Or just name a new restaurant's banner over the restaurant.

28:17 Adam Reading at the, these guys are heroes in Glendale over at the Armenian joint. Hey, how about we order this?

28:25 No.

28:27 Adam You eat in parking lot. Yeah. You remember the whole thing that was funny about when we went out. We went out to dinner with System of Down. They took us to their favorite restaurant. And the thing that was funny about it is the restaurant's new System of Down, they're heroes to them. You know, these are Armenian rockers and they're idols. And we ordered something that was on the menu, but it was only to go.

28:50 Drew Right. And they'd been talking about it for a couple of days.

28:52 Adam And they'd said, and got to have the chicken sandwich. John or Shava or something said, yeah, I know it's to go, but just let us just serve it up to us here. No.

29:01 Drew Well, bring in the bag. Give it to me. Yeah, he's saying, no. Give me the bag. No. Hand it to me outside the restaurant.

29:07 Adam No, no, can I have autograph for kids?

29:10 That's awesome.

29:12 Adam And they're principled people. Their principle is they love to say no. Michelle?

29:20 Drew Michelle 20, there you are.

29:22 Adam 22, what's up?

29:26 Drew Call her who's going by Michelle, and please.

29:27 Adam Here we go.

29:31 Caller Anyways, before I got married to my husband, I cheated on him and I wanted to know if I should tell him because I do want to stay with him.

29:43 Drew You mean just before you got married?

29:46 Caller No, it was about a year before we got married.

29:49 Drew Forget it.

29:49 Caller Who'd you cheat with?

29:52 Caller Somebody from work.

29:55 Adam And one time or did you have a relationship?

29:58 Caller It was, I don't know, it was weird. We had sex three different times but it was, I mean, we couldn't even finish so it was like.

30:11 Adam Nice. He couldn't finish?

30:13 Caller Yeah.

30:15 Drew How long had you been with your husband at that time?

30:20 Caller Three years.

30:22 Adam How long has it been?

30:25 Caller Since we got married.

30:27 Drew Since you got married.

30:28 Adam Yeah, since you cheated on him.

30:29 Drew We can do the math.

30:30 Caller A year and a half.

30:32 Drew So you've been married, you've been married a year and, wait a minute, you said a year and a half you cheated on him. So you just got married?

30:37 Caller We just got married two months ago.

30:39 Adam All right. And now, yeah, why, now the guy at work, quiet, did you have feelings for the guy at work?

30:49 Caller No, I think I was kind of checked out of the relationship. I didn't really want to be there since then. And I do now. And I just realized how stupid it was, not from cheating on him, but-

31:00 Drew You're basically, you were 20 years old at the time, people in their late teens and twenties treat each other like crap. The relationships were always tumultuous. As it is, you got married young, got married, you committed yourself, just let it go, let it go. The only, the only possible reason-

31:14 Caller I wanna stay with him now.

31:16 Drew Well, the only reason you could have, well, the only reason you could have for wanting to tell him is to screw things up now. That's the only motivator. So if you have trouble tolerating close relationships, that's why you want to tell him.

31:27 Adam All right, well hold on, quiet down and listen to the ace man for a second because I'm windy, baby. Here's the thing, it's good now, I just don't wanna lose him. Let's just go, forget about, we're talking about relationships, let's talk about a job. I had a job two years ago, I didn't like it, I didn't appreciate it, I didn't know what I was doing, and so I stole a bunch of supplies. Now, two years later, I realize how lucky I am to have this gig, I love my boss, I love my coworkers, and I feel bad about stealing, and I'm really worried I'm gonna lose it, so I'm gonna march into my boss's office and tell him I ripped off a copier machine two years ago.

32:02 Drew No way.

32:03 Adam No way!

32:05 Drew Yeah, it's the same exact reasoning in the relationships.

32:08 Adam No, you love your job, you love your boss.

32:11 Drew You'll never do it again.

32:12 Adam Show up early tomorrow and bring some donuts.

32:14 Drew Right. You'll never do it again. Don't do it again. That's the greatest sort of...

32:19 Adam Nobody would ever dream of this scenario if it was that work stealing crap scenario. Not in a million years.

32:27 Drew It's the same. It's a perfect model for a relationship.

32:30 Adam Thank you, baby doll. Michelle?

32:33 Yes.

32:34 Adam Now what's up? So now we're suspicious.

32:37 Well, I was just afraid...

32:40 Caller Just little things make me think he's suspicious. Like, and the way he talks about the guy and I'm just afraid if he doesn't trust me and he suspects if I fess up, if that'll make the trust stronger or...

32:52 Drew No, no, please. No?

32:54 Caller Okay.

32:56 Adam Where's your dad? Is he around? Did he cheat on your mom?

32:59 Caller No, no, he never did.

33:01 Adam And your dad's around and you love him and everything's cool?

33:04 Caller My parents are, yes.

33:06 Drew I think you're just making too much of this.

33:08 Adam Yeah, you're up in your head.

33:09 Drew Let people, listen, young people do screwy things. You're an adult now, you're older. You committed yourself to this thing. Make it good going forward. That's all you got to do.

33:18 Adam This is like a telltale heart.

33:20 Drew But the people named...

33:22 Adam Edgar Allan Poe. But here's the thumping coming from beneath the floorboard.

33:25 Drew Nathaniel Hawthorne.

33:26 Adam Nathaniel Hawthorne. It wasn't a Poe thing.

33:29 Drew No, it was the House of Seven Gables, wasn't it?

33:31 Adam Well, it was the one where the thumping was coming from under the floorboard.

33:33 Drew And he found this heart made of stone down there and stuff or something. Was it that one?

33:38 Adam No.

33:38 Drew Are you talking about the one where the people were buried under the floorboards?

33:41 Adam I'm talking about hearing the thumping. Here's what happened. Here's the story. I think it's Edgar Allan Poe. The person kills his wife or whoever and buries them under the floorboards underneath the house. Then, you know, company comes over, the inspector comes over, the person is hearing the thumping coming from down below. No one else is hearing the thumping. And the person finally yells, I confess, you know what I mean? You're the only one hearing the thumping.

34:03 Drew Right.

34:04 Adam That's my retarded, likely point.

34:06 Drew Oh, another good point.

34:07 Adam Which is, your husband doesn't know anything and even if he says, I know something, he doesn't know anything. Don't crack, don't tell him, it'll screw things up. Stick by your guns, don't guilt yourself into cracking.

34:23 Drew People in their 20s treat each other like ass.

34:25 Adam I know.

34:25 Drew They do in relationships, they just do. Now, you want to be a grown up? You're married now? Fine, stop that. Fine, good, go forward.

34:32 Adam All right, let's keep going. Michelle, look up Telltale Heart, would you?

34:36 Drew It's called the Telltale Heart?

34:37 Adam I thought it was. It could be. I thought it was an Edgar Allan Poe thing with the floor burn boards.

34:41 Drew It could be.

34:42 Adam Yeah, the only book I've ever read in my life is the Phantom Tollbooth, though, so.

34:46 Drew Well, no, I think there is a Poe in Telltale Heart.

34:50 Adam Jessica?

34:51 Yes, thank you.

34:52 Adam 21, what's up?

34:53 Yeah, well, about a year and a half ago, I started having heartburns, but it was only when I was laid down. And about eight months ago, I started having it all the time. And it's like it's I have a stomach pain as well. And I'm just I'm kind of worried that I might have an ulcer. And I'm wondering if I should, you know, I haven't gotten to get checked out because I don't have medical coverage.

35:19 Drew Why does it make a difference to you whether you have an ulcer or esophagitis? Why is that a big distinction for you?

35:24 Adam Well, either way, you got to go get checked out.

35:26 Drew Both are ones in erosion, the duodenum or the stomach, the other is in erosion and esophagus. Both need treatment.

35:32 It doesn't really make a difference to me.

35:35 Drew No, okay. So you have what?

35:39 I have a lot of dental work, so I don't want that to get ruined either.

35:43 Drew Ulcers have nothing to do with dental work.

35:45 Adam I don't know what you're throwing up.

35:48 Drew Sometimes I'll wake up in a big, you know, well, all this is, well, it's still that doesn't, it's an interesting point that if your stomach acid gets all the way to your mouth, it can affect dental work. But that's at 21. That's very, are you obese? No, because that's about the only way that happens. But you're describing gastroesophageal reflux.

36:08 Adam Well, why have you had a lot of dental work?

36:11 I had braces for three years and they weren't properly taken care of. Not by me, but they never took the brackets off to clean underneath and everything like that.

36:22 Adam Wow.

36:23 That's a bitch.

36:24 Drew You don't have bulimia or anything of that sort?

36:26 No.

36:26 Drew You're not using a lot of aspirin or advil or neuprin?

36:29 Aspirin sometimes.

36:31 Drew Okay, well stop.

36:31 I just have headaches.

36:33 Drew Stop all the aspirin and anti-inflammatories. Maybe the whole story here.

36:36 Adam Right, it's tough on the belly.

36:37 Drew Yes, but you're describing reflux and just take some pepsit over the counter and take about 40 milligrams a day. And you should have this evaluated also to see why at 21 you're having such a serious problem.

36:46 Adam Yeah, that pepsit and stuff like that works pretty good and it wasn't available over the counter a few years ago, right?

36:51 Drew That's right.

36:52 Adam So now people are in pretty good shape with that stuff, right?

36:55 Drew Yeah, there's controversy about how long it should be treated before something more aggressive is done. But 21, this should be figured out why it's so severe for her at such a young age.

37:05 Adam All right, we're going to take ourselves a break when we come back, play a little Germany or Florida with young Matt, all that after this.

37:14 Loveline, we'll be right back.

37:31 Adam Yeah, everybody, Loveline. Get it on. Yeah. Gotta get it on. No choice but to get it on. You know what I'm about to do, Drew? This close to dropping trash.

37:41 Drew No, don't do it.

37:41 Adam I'll drop trash.

37:42 Drew I'll drop trash. He might do it. This guy will do it.

37:46 Adam Michelle, you're gonna see his second penis in the last 14 years when I drop trash. If you can see it from there.

37:53 Drew You do the puppet routine?

37:54 Adam I show you the puppet. I give you the marionette. I'll throw in his buddy, Senior Saxus, too. Talking scrotum. 822, 22, after 8 o'clock. Ready to get rocking here?

38:09 Drew Yeah, let's go.

38:09 Adam So, Telltale Heart, Edgar Allen Poe, was the talking from under the...

38:16 Drew Yes, that was Telltale Heart.

38:17 Adam Thank you.

38:18 Drew Nathaniel Potho and Ethan Brand was one I was thinking of with the heart burned in a limestone pit.

38:24 Adam Drew, ever ask yourself why you're always thinking of something different than what I'm thinking? Everything about that one?

38:29 Drew It must be oppositional defiance. Must be.

38:33 Adam He's very clearly in others.

38:36 It wasn't talking under the floorboard, so it was heartbeat.

38:39 Drew Yeah, that's what he said.

38:40 Adam I said thumping or something like that.

38:41 I thought he said talking.

38:42 Drew No, no.

38:44 Adam Speaking of oppositional defiance, Anderson.

38:46 Yeah, I didn't want to get Drew off the hot seat there.

38:48 Adam Thanks, man. You didn't get him off the seat, you just sat on his lap. Matt?

38:53 Caller Hello?

38:54 Adam Germany or Florida, baby? Time to play.

38:58 Caller All right.

38:58 Adam What do you say?

38:59 Caller All right. Can I start off with a story about your sender fat cat in Washington?

39:03 Hold on. Yeah.

39:05 Adam Hold on.

39:05 Is it Germany or Florida? Hey, Germany or Florida? Let's find out.

39:20 Don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't start laughing.

39:26 Adam It's just a painting that ended. Yeah. Give us a story, Matt, or your own personal story. And then whatever. Germany or Florida.

39:33 Caller We had an election today, a little mock debate. And the whole time I just blew hard and just talked about how we need to send a message to the fat cats in Washington.

39:43 Adam Oh, is this in speech class or debate, speech and debate class? Well, awesome.

39:49 Drew Yeah, the blow hard.

39:50 Adam I really do think you could get elected just based on that.

39:54 Caller I think that Mike and just one in front of everyone just blew hard.

39:58 Adam It's smart.

39:58 Caller Yeah.

39:59 Adam Yeah, Matt's referring to what I was talking about a few weeks back, which is I'm convinced somebody could get elected by by just saying a vote for me is a is a message to those fat cats in Washington.

40:12 Drew Well, you know what?

40:12 Adam That's all you'd ever have to say.

40:14 Drew Through American history, it's been a fat cat somewhere. It's Washington was going to get the fat cats in corporate industry, or I was going to become president, get the fat cats at the bank, or I'm going to get the fat cats in Congress. It's always somewhere specific depending on what period of history it is, but the exact same concept.

40:29 Adam Yeah. All right. So go ahead, Matt. Give me the Germany or Florida.

40:32 Caller All right. A man stripped off naked and declared himself a guest exhibit at a respected museum. It happened during an exhibition on antique pictures of Jesus Christ. According to the news, the man, 58, suddenly removed his clothes and climbed onto a table next to one of the pictures. When police arrived, the man was still staying in the same position. He was arrested and charged with exhibitionism and breach of the peace. The museum director called the uninvited addition to his exhibition regrettable, but added, at least none of the real artwork was damaged.

41:02 Adam All right, well, I think we're both going Germany on this one.

41:05 Drew Two strong reasons.

41:06 Adam Well, two, well, one is, well, go ahead, tell me what your thing is.

41:09 Drew He referred to a disturbance of the piece or something, something that Florida doesn't even register on their scales, right? And then art museums and have a museum.

41:19 Adam The only museum they have in Florida is a drag racing museum. That's where, that's a Big Daddy Don Garlet's Swamp, Swamp Ranch. One is Swamp Ranch, two is in Swamp Ranch, three, and they have a drag racing museum. I don't think they have any art. I think they're confused. I think if you brought up art in Florida, they just think you're talking about a guy. Yeah, inform, his full name's Arthur, but he's an informal guy.

41:44 Drew Germany.

41:44 Adam We're going Germany.

41:45 Caller All right, you're right, Germany.

41:46 Adam Yeah. Yeah. But thanks, Matt, and good job.

41:50 Caller And like I said, send a message to the fat cats in Washington.

41:55 Drew Just keep an eye on where the fat cats are. Just focus your venom on them and you get elected.

41:59 Adam Yeah, they're in Washington, but again, they may move to industry or banking or something like that.

42:03 Drew Yeah, I mean, Andrew Jackson got elected by the fat cats in the banks.

42:08 Adam Right.

42:09 Drew Tony Roosevelt, fat cats in the local politics and the political machinery.

42:14 Adam Let's talk, you want to talk to Alex?

42:16 Drew Yeah.

42:16 Adam If he masturbates, sounds good. Alex?

42:20 Yes.

42:20 Adam What's up?

42:22 Well, kind of a two-part question about masturbation. Basically, I was born with a lot of congenital heart problems and respiratory problems. And I wanted to talk about how, on occasion, not all the time, once I, I guess, finish masturbating, I tend to have, well, I get sick. It starts kind of a nauseousness, and it feels literally kind of like a food poisoning, sickness in the stomach. And I've never quite vomited, but, you know, my heart rate's usually pretty elevated and things like that. And it didn't used to be as serious as it has been.

43:09 Drew Yeah, I think this is actually, you're having a biological reaction. What was your original cardiac problem, like tetralogy or something?

43:16 Really hard for me to explain. I don't know. What's the name? I think it's referred to as Kushner's defect or endocardio-Kushman.

43:25 Drew Yeah, endocardio-Kushman's defect.

43:28 Yeah, and I've had a pulmonary banding put around my main artery and like a blood lot toxic shunt into the right line.

43:37 Drew So, that's different. Eisenmenger's, does that sound familiar?

43:41 I'm sorry?

43:41 Drew Eisenmenger's, does that sound familiar?

43:44 I'm aware of that. No, I don't think that.

43:47 Drew That's not what you have to say.

43:48 Adam How did it affect you? I mean, you couldn't play sports, right?

43:54 Actually, they pretty much considered me to be a medical miracle.

43:59 Drew He wasn't supposed to survive the first few days, right?

44:02 Yeah. First surgery was done at six weeks old.

44:07 Adam All right. But how does it affect you now?

44:10 Okay. Obviously, stamina is not nearly normal. My oxygen, my stats are pretty low, but I've been in martial arts on and off for years. I play pretty rough. I've done soccer when I was little.

44:26 Adam Are you small in stature?

44:28 Yeah, very. I'm 27, but I weigh probably 105 pounds. No fat on my body.

44:37 Adam Are you a virgin?

44:39 Oh, no.

44:40 Drew How dare you?

44:41 Adam I got what the prince was doing.

44:42 Drew Do you wear oxygen?

44:44 I'm sorry?

44:44 Drew Do you wear oxygen?

44:48 Not very often. What I do, it's usually at night for sleeping. And I'm seeing my heart rate in the loco.

44:55 Drew All right, so hold on.

44:57 Adam Let me say this. I like to hang out with a guy who was on oxygen just so I could get a hit off it every once in a while when cousin Sal or Jimmy start blowing some ass. You know, you're in the back of the car, they roll the windows up, they turn the heater on, just start blowing ass. And I'd be like, let me get a draw off that. You want to get a couple draws off that?

45:17 Drew You'll be fine. They wear the nasal cannula. You want the mask.

45:19 Adam I'd still get a hit off that.

45:21 Drew I'm sure.

45:22 Adam And then look, take a nice draw and then give me a break. Like we're body breathing, you know?

45:26 Drew You're a regulator?

45:27 Adam Yeah, like we're underwater and I'm trapped. Used to be a lot of guys getting trapped underwater. I grew up, every third guy had something roll over on his foot while he was underwater and he was trapped there. Trapped underwater. No one gets trapped underwater anymore. They just drown, but no one gets trapped.

45:43 Drew Mr. Geniality too had that. You may not have seen that cinematic triumph.

45:47 Adam No, but I'm going to catch it on DVD, but people go swimming. They go down to explore a wreck. If you're going to look in a shipwreck and it's time to head up, something rolled over and got your foot. You get trapped under stuff.

46:01 Drew And never your palisade.

46:02 Adam No, I always get trapped just your leg. There's never any blood or anything. It's just some I beam rolled over and you just couldn't get it out. Let me tell you this, Drew. If I had two minutes of oxygen left and something rolled over on my foot, there's nothing heavy enough for me not to be able to get my foot out. Eventually I just have to break my foot off or something, but I would get it out.

46:21 Drew All right, Alex.

46:22 Adam Yeah.

46:23 Drew What are your current? No, no, Alex.

46:24 Adam Oh, that's Alex. Sorry. I punched up Mark. Yeah.

46:27 Drew Alex, what are your current medications? None. None. Okay. So the real question here is are you triggering an arrhythmia when you get all excited and have a have a ejaculation, that sort of thing? And how fast is your heart going? You know, do you check it?

46:42 Caller I just, um, normal.

46:44 Drew No, you said you said you have a tachycardia, you have a rapid heart rate when you finish MasterBand, you feel nauseated. Do you check how fast it's going? You count it.

46:51 Caller Oh, no, no, I never really have.

46:53 Drew Because anything over 140, and that's real serious. So it sounds like you're actually triggering an arrhythmia, what's called a superventricular tachycardia, and those can make you feel sick. So I would definitely talk to your cardiologist about this and tell him exactly how you triggered it, it's all right.

47:07 Adam Well, you go there, they put the probes on you, and you get on the jackmill.

47:11 Drew You start checking yourself out. And Adam has become an expert at jacking in doctor's offices. That's what he does?

47:16 Adam That's my new gig. I will take a break, we'll be right back after this. It's the Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. 1-800-LOVE-191. Who's that, Anderson?

48:14 Fort Miner.

48:15 Caller Yeah.

48:16 Drew Oh, sure.

48:17 Adam Those are my boys. 1-800-LOVE-191 is the phone number. I'm Adam, that's Drew.

48:24 Caller Everybody take some phone calls now.

48:25 Drew Yeah, I'm ready.

48:26 Adam Let's speak to Mark or James. Mark.

48:28 Mark.

48:29 Adam Mark.

48:31 Caller Yeah.

48:31 Caller Oh, Adam, you're God.

48:34 Caller You're.

48:34 Adam Oh, yeah. Thanks. Thanks, buddy.

48:38 Caller And Dr. Drew. We'll take all the dime. That joke that you made.

48:45 Adam Oh, yeah.

48:46 Caller The dime for the one that was actually dying for scale. I couldn't stop laughing for like half an hour.

48:52 Adam Man, that was what was noted that Drew made a joke in a very funny joke.

48:59 Caller About what's it about?

49:00 Drew I don't remember anymore.

49:01 Adam And I wonder how long ago it was. Is it eight months? A year?

49:05 Yeah.

49:05 Adam A year. But whatever it was, Drew said something funny.

49:09 It was funny. I just thought about that tonight.

49:11 Drew What was it we were talking about?

49:12 I don't know. But tonight was one of the first times she made a joke again. And I can't remember that.

49:15 Drew I made it. I made a joke tonight.

49:17 Yeah, it was funny. That was the first one since the dime.

49:22 Adam Thank you.

49:23 Drew Thank you.

49:24 Adam Good, Mark. Do you remember Drew's dime for scale joke?

49:28 Caller Yeah, it was the Hymen. And you wanted to report back, some girl to report back to you in six months. And you wanted to see her Hymen. And Drew said, and use a dime for scale.

49:41 Drew Put a dime in there for scales. Yeah, like when you take, You said put the newspaper in, I think.

49:47 Adam Oh, I said, yeah, I had to get you started on the joke road. Yeah, when a picture of the Hymen with a current newspaper in there, so with the date showing, so we could see like they do.

49:57 Drew And then I said, and I want a dime in there for scale.

49:58 Adam Dime for scale. And what that basically means, kiddies, is like, you know, it's like when they're saying, this battery is micro small or something, and they'll put a quarter or a dime or something.

50:09 Drew In relation to something.

50:10 Adam In relation, that's right. Go ahead, Mark.

50:13 Drew And by the way, I wasn't meaning it as a joke. I was serious.

50:16 Adam Dead serious.

50:17 Caller Go ahead, Mark. All right, well, my dad, he's been doing drugs for forever. And as long as, you know, my mom's been telling me, and it turns out like a lot of my family, like my brothers, and he has other family and, you know, different, I guess, wives or whatever. And a lot of them are drug addicts. And his drug was cocaine.

50:45 Drew What's your question?

50:47 Caller Two of my brothers are drug addicts.

50:48 Drew Got it. What is the question? What is the question, Mark?

50:51 Caller Does it run in the family?

50:53 Drew Absolutely. Addiction is a genetic disorder. And we've isolated a couple of genes. There's one called a proline serine substitution in a part of the brain called the GAVA-A receptor. And there's also the LL allele of the serotonin transporter, both of which are genetic mechanisms.

51:08 Adam Oh, hard.

51:09 Drew That tend to cause the evidence of the existence of these genes is resistance to intoxicating effect of alcohol. It makes it harder to get loaded. Harder to have personality changes, but you don't have the motor intoxicating effect so readily.

51:23 Adam Now say that again.

51:24 Drew Well, you know, if you notice alcoholics, they very quickly get kind of a, you notice that they're drinking. But if you put them on a motor skills measurements, they do better than the average person.

51:33 Adam I know. That's why I want my heavyweight designation on my license.

51:37 Drew That's what I'm saying.

51:37 Adam I blow.08. That ain't, that ain't it. That dude like me. That's three beers. Are you kidding?

51:43 Drew That's that LL Serotonin Transporter. And it's about 50% per child. The only exception I've seen to that, the probability is so if you get a mark, it doesn't sound like you have the gene. And the other corollary is the gene is not destined to happen.

51:56 Adam It's a horrible family too, which is going to help.

51:59 Drew Having the gene though does not mean you're necessarily going to have the disease. The only other exception to the 50% rule that I've seen is Cherokee Indian. North American Indian tends to have more like a 100% gene.

52:11 Adam That's where I get my tenacity. I'm 126 Cherokee.

52:15 Caller Mark?

52:16 Caller Yeah, so is there anything I could do about my brothers? Like, what could I, you know?

52:19 Drew They can go to treatment.

52:22 Adam Mark, the best thing you can, here's the best thing you can do though, is take care of, you know.

52:27 Drew Take care of you, yeah.

52:28 Adam Yeah, make sure you have a good profitable life and then you can pay for everyone else's ass later on.

52:32 Right.

52:33 Drew And to confront them about their disease and how it affects you and what you see happening to them and ask them to please get some treatment. They will probably not be willing to do that.

52:42 Caller Alright, well, thanks anyways.

52:43 Adam What are you doing, Mark? What's your plan?

52:46 Caller Well, right now I'm just taking real estate classes.

52:49 Drew Oh, good.

52:50 Caller Yeah.

52:51 Adam Alright, listen.

52:51 Caller Real estate agent, yeah, so.

52:53 Adam Mark, you're fine, buddy.

52:55 Caller Alright.

52:56 Adam I'm sorry that your family is the way it is, but, you know, we've heard much worse. Of course, we've heard better, but we've heard much worse still. You'll be fine. Stick with that real estate.

53:06 Caller Alright, cool.

53:07 Adam Stay away from drugs and keep remembering Drew's jokes. He makes a yearly joke.

53:12 Drew Repeat them worldwide.

53:14 Adam Yeah. Yeah. How about this, Drew? Another marker for alcoholism. What about not being not going down? What about what I have where I have? I have an ambient and a couple of Bloody Marys. I'm standing in the galley of the airplane talking to Alec Baldwin for an hour and 45 minutes. I'm fine.

53:32 Drew Yeah.

53:33 Adam I mean, I don't think he knows I'm jacked up.

53:35 Drew Right.

53:36 Adam He doesn't know I'm out of my mind. I'm standing in an airplane talking to him for an hour and a half. I have an ambient and two Bloody Marys in me.

53:42 Drew It's hard to know with you because...

53:43 Adam I slept for four hours the night before.

53:44 Drew You have the hypervigilance thing that's a separate phenomenon. It's not just that you're resistant to intoxication. You have hypervigilance all the time.

53:53 Adam Right.

53:53 Drew And you may just be the hypervigilance maybe over driving the intoxication, which is different than not getting intoxicated.

54:01 Adam Right.

54:01 Drew See what I'm saying? Yeah. So I'm not sure with you whether it's addiction or just that hypervigilance syndrome.

54:06 Adam Well, let me just ask you this. If you took ten alcoholics and ten non-alcoholics and you gave all of them an ambient, what do you think would happen? What do you think the difference between the two groups would be?

54:19 Drew I don't know. I'd imagine the alcoholics would be harder to take down.

54:23 Adam I bet the alcoholics would sort of stay up and enjoy it a little bit, and worse, the non-alcoholics would just doze right off. I agree.

54:29 Drew They would get more euphoria, because they do tend to get more euphoria.

54:32 Adam They'd be like, yeah, this is bitchin.

54:34 Drew Yeah, and they would be harder to sedate.

54:37 Adam Yeah, they might just be effed up and watch TV for two hours, and if you get non-alcoholic debt, they go down like you got hit with a tranquilizer dart.

54:46 Drew Yes.

54:48 Adam Okay. That's all I'm saying is, when you prescribe drugs or medicines, you like to call them, when you score drugs, like this, this should factor in.

54:59 Drew Well, we're talking now in the next 30, 40 years about having genetic testing and using medication specific for your genetic profile.

55:08 Adam Right.

55:08 Drew So we're gonna get there.

55:09 Adam Because, yes, it's the same medication. It's totally different on my wife than it is on me. So don't I, why don't I get more?

55:18 Drew And that's just intoxicating and sedation, that sort of thing. Imagine you're trying to control blood pressure or mood or right, all these other things. I mean, they all.

55:25 Adam So saying now we get a little, in the future, we'll get a little DNA thing on you and we'll dial your drugs in.

55:31 Drew Exactly. And say, Oh, Adam's got the LL serotonin transport. We're going to double down on his Ambien. But when we do, he's going to get addicted in four days. We're going to watch out for that.

55:40 Caller Oh, OK.

55:42 Adam Well, addicted to good night's sleep. I say, bring it on. Lauren Huzzah. Huzzah, I say to that. And I also say good day to you.

55:51 Drew I say good day.

55:52 Adam I say good day. Lauren.

55:53 Caller Yes. Yeah.

55:56 Adam That's my sister's name, Lauren.

55:59 Drew Yeah.

56:00 Adam You spell it. L-A-U-R-E-N, right?

56:03 Caller Yeah.

56:04 Adam Yeah. My sister tried to do the L-A-U-R-Y-N for about ten minutes. I was like, I said good day. I said good day to that Y. She's like, no, that's how I'm smelling it.

56:12 Drew I'll have your seconds call my second.

56:13 Adam I was like, God. She's like, that's how I'm smelling it now. And I'm like, yeah, that's right. That's how you're smelling it. That's exactly how you're smelling it. I'm not going to, I'm not falling for this crap. What's the while when your J-O buddies, once the guy you known as Chris for a hundred years, once starts being called Christopher, something like that. Sorry, buddy. That, that window got closed and painted shut many years ago.

56:33 Drew Yeah.

56:34 Adam That's how it works.

56:35 Drew Next slide. What's the window of opportunity for changing one's name before it's an F-top thing to do?

56:42 Adam Before I meet you.

56:43 Drew No, no.

56:43 Adam Once I know he is, whatever, that's it.

56:45 Drew But seriously.

56:46 Adam If I meet you when you're 35 and you tell me your name is Christopher, I'll call you Christopher. But if I met you when you were 11 and your name was Chris, your name is Chris.

56:52 Drew Yeah, but if Christopher told you it was Stu until I was 31 and I declared Christopher, you'd go, oh, no, no, no, no.

56:59 Adam Even if you knew him as Christopher, you go, oh, you can't make any declarations or proclamations after I know you. Whatever you stick your hand out to me to introduce you.

57:08 Drew But I also would say that first year in nursery school is about as far as you can go before you. You know, nursery school, that's your name.

57:15 Adam That's it. I'm with you on that. I'm just saying if I meet you tomorrow and you tell me your name is Christopher, I have no choice but to believe you.

57:23 Drew I got you on that. But I'm just saying if we were going to say if you have changed your name during your lifetime, what's the window during which it's sane and after which it's a sign of problems?

57:33 Adam I think anytime you decide that it should change, that means there's trouble. Thank you. Lauren?

57:41 Caller Yes.

57:42 Adam Sorry. Go ahead.

57:43 It's okay. I was wondering what may cause from intense sex and not necessarily rough sex, just very intense.

57:55 Drew What's the difference between rough and intense? What does that mean?

57:58 I'm sorry. What do I mean by intense?

58:01 Drew Yes. What do you mean?

58:02 Just very passionate, very involved, like half hour.

58:10 Adam Yeah. Just banging the bejesus out of her. That's what that is.

58:14 Drew Right. You have a...

58:14 Adam It shouldn't mean the guy wasn't punching her in the face while he was doing it, but...

58:19 Drew Nearly. Wherever. Yeah.

58:21 Adam No. He was going after, you know, penially.

58:25 Drew Yes. Bleeding after sex is very common, whether you're having rough sex or passionate sex or whatever. It's very common. Obviously, the more you stimulate, and if you have some instability of the lining of the uterus, the more likely you are to get some bleeding. There you go. Doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong. Definitely get pap smears regulated like you normally would.

58:43 Adam Maybe a little more lube and, you know, keep it keep it down to, you know, 20 minutes. Lauren?

58:52 Drew Yes.

58:53 Adam Okay, maybe you should maybe you should shorten your your sexual stay. I mean, not do it as long.

59:01 Is there pain?

59:03 Drew Is there pain with it?

59:04 No, no, it's just I'll notice about like five minutes after I go up to use the bathroom, then I notice that I'm bleeding.

59:11 Drew And I was fine.

59:12 This doesn't happen two or three times and I started to worry me.

59:17 Adam All right. Well, you may have to reel it in just a little bit.

59:21 Drew It doesn't. Are you on the pill?

59:23 Actually, I'm on the depot shot. I've been well, the bleeding is all right.

59:27 Drew Well, the bleeding is all kinds of irregular bleeding is very common on depot. So that's probably what this is.

59:31 Adam Why are you on the depot shot?

59:33 I really like it. I only have to do it every three months. I don't have a period. It's very good.

59:41 Drew Now, a lot of women are shut down sexually by the depot provera shot, but there's a small subset that actually get a little boost from it.

59:50 Adam I've experienced that.

59:51 Drew Well, Lauren, and those who intend to be very sort of lean and androgenic kind of thing.

59:55 Adam Andogenic meaning masculine?

59:58 Drew Not masculine, but they sort of respond to male hormones and things.

1:00:02 Adam Lauren sounds like one of them. Lauren.

1:00:05 Yes.

1:00:06 Adam What's your height?

1:00:07 I am about 5'5.

1:00:10 Adam What's your weight?

1:00:11 About 135, 140.

1:00:15 Adam All right. And do you like being in the presence of men?

1:00:21 I don't spend a lot of time with men. I work in a nail shop, so I pretty much just spend time with my boyfriend when I get to.

1:00:29 Drew Are you athletic?

1:00:31 I used to be. I'm not so much now.

1:00:34 Adam You work at a nail shop, even they do like manicures and pedicures? Okay.

1:00:40 Drew Did the depo affect your sexual functioning at all?

1:00:44 No. I've only been having sex for the last three years, and that's just since I've been on the shot.

1:00:50 Drew It didn't affect your ability to have orgasm or anything like that?

1:00:53 No. I've never had a problem with that.

1:00:55 Adam Do you work with a lot of crazy Asian broads?

1:00:58 No. Actually, we don't have any in our shop. One of the very few.

1:01:02 Adam Wow. I put that right on the sign. Yeah. All right.

1:01:08 Drew And how would you express that?

1:01:11 Adam Well, you have to do it tastefully. You have to do it tastefully. Yeah. We employ only round eyes. And do you work with really stupid chicks? Yeah. Okay. I have this theory that put together that these people who work in these settings are even a notch below the hairdressers.

1:01:37 Drew Oh, oh.

1:01:38 Adam Now, here's the thing I've figured out. Female hairdressers are sort of borderline retarded in terms of their intellectual prowess. Prowess, I should say. The males are just high-falutin but stupid but have long on style, short on brains and very self-important.

1:01:59 Drew Some of them.

1:01:59 Adam Yes.

1:02:00 Drew You're thinking of Jonathan.

1:02:01 Adam Well, I'm thinking of most male hair salon guys. They act like they're working with retarded dolphins for a living or teaching language to children who have no sight or something. Really, they're doing nothing.

1:02:14 Drew Right.

1:02:14 Adam So they act like what they're doing is more important than what they have. Self-important. The beauticians or the estheticians, the ones who works on the skin and the cuticles and stuff like that, these are people that are sort of below dirt in the stupid department. I've never met people that know less than these people. I don't know how that works. I mean, obviously, you know how it goes. Well, they didn't... You know what they are? They're good-looking chicks who didn't go to the military. Now, let me explain. When your family doesn't have a ton of bucks, and you're some color other than white, and you barely graduate high school, you go to the military. You go to the army. You don't see the hot blonde chick who's just going in to be a radio operator. But if you're something, if you're black, Latina or whatever, you'll head into the military. This is the white version of that troop who heads to the salon.

1:03:14 Drew Except they're all Asians in there.

1:03:16 Adam Drew, do not crap on my point.

1:03:17 Drew I'm just saying. For this particular salon.

1:03:20 Adam The stupid ones are white. The Asian ones, I don't know what they're thinking. I think they're planning something, but I don't know. I can't confirm that. I do. I am collecting some data. I can't. You know what? I shouldn't even said that. I already said too much. Don't worry. There'll be answers. Point is, is I've done. No, the Asians do it that because that's what they do. Yeah. The white chicks are dirt, dumb, and that's why they do it. All right. But you can't generalize. That's all I'm saying. Jeremy?

1:03:51 Caller Yes.

1:03:51 Adam 26?

1:03:52 Caller Yes.

1:03:53 Adam What's up?

1:03:55 Caller I have a question. I'm a pre-med student at St. Louis University in St. Louis and I've been dating this girl for about two months now. And I was looking through one of my medical books and I believe I'm suffering from a really bad case of jock itch and she won't have sex with me because she's afraid that it might transfer over to her.

1:04:20 Drew How many dermatology rotations have you done, Jeremy? You have no business diagnosing yourself. Even if you did, you need to see somebody because obviously doctors don't take care of themselves. What are you thinking?

1:04:32 Caller No, I was looking through one of my medical books and I just-

1:04:35 Drew Hey Jeremy, I don't care what you were doing. Hold on. It's ridiculous.

1:04:38 Adam What year of med school are you in?

1:04:40 Drew He's not even in medical school, he's in college.

1:04:43 Caller I'm not even in medical school, I'm pre-med.

1:04:45 Adam Oh, well, everyone who's not a physician is pre-med. I'm pre-med too.

1:04:49 Drew Even if you had a three-year dermatology residency under your belt, you would have to go see someone about this condition.

1:04:56 Adam You get it under your belt, jock itch?

1:04:58 Drew Yes, it could be jock itch, it could be crabs, it could be toxic epidermal necrolysis. I don't know what the hell. You've got to get this looked at. There are a lot of things that can look like this.

1:05:09 Adam When are you starting med school?

1:05:12 Caller Actually, I will start in 2006.

1:05:15 Adam All right. I wish I could put a little money on that.

1:05:19 Drew That means you haven't applied yet.

1:05:21 Caller I have not applied yet.

1:05:23 Drew You have to get in before you can start.

1:05:25 Exactly.

1:05:27 Adam All right, buddy. How are you doing? How's your grades?

1:05:30 Caller What's that?

1:05:31 Adam How are your grades?

1:05:33 Caller My grades are doing great.

1:05:34 Caller It's about a three five to about three six.

1:05:37 Adam Awesome. And that's out of Tendra? Why can't we just do that out of ten? Can't we do everything out of ten? What is it for?

1:05:46 Drew I don't know. I'm just so focusing on his rash.

1:05:48 Adam And then someone with the over, someone explain that it goes over four now.

1:05:53 Drew But, Jeremy, I would have, I know that's crazy.

1:05:56 Adam Everything should be zero to ten. You know what it is. You know, I don't like that. It's like, what do you got? Well, a movie's got three and a half stars. Or it's got two stars.

1:06:03 Drew Minus four stars.

1:06:04 Adam And then, well, I get stuff that's minus stars. I got minus four stars. And then, like, minus three. Actually, I think I may have got minus three.

1:06:11 Drew You collected more minus stars than all your recent shows? You want to check into it?

1:06:15 Adam I'm sure if I checked into it, I could find some minus stars. Yeah. I'm already minus a galaxy in the minus star review thing.

1:06:22 Drew But you're becoming a black hole.

1:06:24 Adam Yeah. It's from a vacuum in space.

1:06:27 Drew But Jeremy, listen, I'm being firm with you because you don't treat yourself. Now, there are over the counter products, all the anti-fungal creams, Loatrimin, this sort of thing, that you could try. But they may not work. There's a systemic medication called Di-Flu-Can. You certainly can't take on your own. And there are many other conditions that can look like jock itch that are more serious amongst them is crabs. And that can be transmitted to your girlfriend. So she's right in having you seen by a physician before you do anything. And once you are a physician, you do not take care of yourself.

1:07:01 Adam Well, you would if you had jock itch.

1:07:03 Drew No.

1:07:04 Adam Jock itch. Come on, buddy.

1:07:06 Drew Well, if you have over-the-counter stuff, if you have stuff that's over the counter, you can try, I can say you can try the Lotrimen and the Lamacil and that kind of stuff.

1:07:13 Adam Yeah. You're not a dentist, but you brush and floss. Know what I mean? You handle yourself a little bit. You got to look, you got to handle yourself a little bit.

1:07:21 Drew I'm saying try the Lotrimen, try the Lamacil.

1:07:23 Adam If I was a doctor, that'd be it. I'd just homeschooling for the kids, never leave the house.

1:07:28 Drew You'd just be doing drugs all the time?

1:07:30 Adam I'd be doing very uncomfortable pap smears on my daughter when she was like 17 and stuff.

1:07:34 Dad!

1:07:36 Adam Hold still.

1:07:37 Drew Good boy.

1:07:38 Adam Yeah, gonna save that $18 deductible. Hold still. Dad, your makeshift stirrups are giving me splinters. Hold on. Hold on. That'd be awesome, right, Drew?

1:07:49 Drew Wait, we've talked to Joe already.

1:07:50 Adam Oh, we did? Oh, we're gonna take a break?

1:07:52 Drew Yeah.

1:07:52 Adam All right, let's take a break. When we come back, uh... Michael. Gay?

1:07:56 Drew Michael.

1:07:56 Adam Michael's gay?

1:07:57 Drew Yeah.

1:07:57 Adam He wants to get a, uh, surrogate to have kids of his own. He's 19. Hold on a second. Michael? Yes.

1:08:04 Drew You're 19. What do you... 19-year-olds shouldn't be having ferrets or raccoons to raise.

1:08:10 Adam Right. What are you doing?

1:08:12 Caller Um, I just... It's been a passion of mine just to have kids of my own.

1:08:16 Drew Uh-oh.

1:08:16 Uh-oh.

1:08:17 Drew That's not necessarily a good impulse.

1:08:19 Adam Right. Right.

1:08:20 Drew I mean, to be at 19 and insist upon that as a passion, that's what Michael Jackson does.

1:08:25 Adam Do you have a partner?

1:08:26 Caller No, not right now.

1:08:27 Drew All right.

1:08:28 Adam All right.

1:08:28 Drew All right.

1:08:29 Adam Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. We'll get back to you. We'll see if we can do a surrogate thing. But what about it, Drew? Do you think...

1:08:34 Drew Yes. Eventually, yes. When he's 25, 28...

1:08:37 Adam No, no. I just mean in the, I don't know, eyes of the law. There's no... Is there anything on the books or anything that says a 19-year-old gay man can't...

1:08:45 Drew No. No.

1:08:46 Adam Find a host and, uh, put a little seed in her?

1:08:49 Drew I don't see why not.

1:08:51 Adam You should see the look on Drew's puss, right? That looks like my grandma when she's trying to eat, not mess up her lipstick.

1:08:58 Drew Sucking lemons.

1:08:58 Adam It's got a look like, oh, Corolla DeVille over here. What a puss. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll get back with Michael and the surrogate question after this.

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1:09:42 Adam Yeah, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191-ER. Everybody, let's talk to you while Michael, 19, gay, has a passion for children.

1:09:55 Caller Yes.

1:09:56 Adam Michael? Yes. So you don't have a partner right now.

1:09:59 Caller No.

1:10:01 Adam But you would like a child.

1:10:03 Caller Yes.

1:10:05 Adam Do you feel that it would be hard to adopt?

1:10:08 Caller Well, depending on my sexual preference, yeah.

1:10:11 Adam That's why, that's, I'm going to try to factor that in.

1:10:15 Drew What does that, I understand what that means.

1:10:17 Caller Well, with me being gay, it's not going to be that easy for me to adopt a child through some type of city or thing.

1:10:25 Adam I agree with that. And I also agree with, I also understand why. I mean, let's not be naïve here. Better to have a mom and a dad than two dads or two moms. Now, not that stupid thing that everyone does. Oh, you're saying a loving, a loving gay couple, a loving, working, Christian gay couple would not be better than a heterosexual couple where the dad was a pedophile and the mother was wicked and practiced Santeria in the kid's crib? Are you telling me with a meth lab and storing the methamphetamine in the kid's diaper? Are you telling me that's better? Yeah, yeah, no S, Sherlock. I love when everyone thinks that they're making a great example by doing these stupid extremes. No, you can't do that. It is the exact, here's the example, the exact same couple. Exact same gay couple, exact same heterosexual couple. Same house, same income, same neighborhood. Okay, now you go heterosexual because you get a mom and a dad. Call me old fashioned.

1:11:29 Drew And the studies need to be done, though. We don't know that there's a difference. We really don't.

1:11:32 Adam Oh yeah, we do.

1:11:33 Drew No, we don't.

1:11:33 Adam Sure, we do.

1:11:34 Drew No, we don't.

1:11:35 Adam Look, Drew, you want your kids raised by two of the same sex? Two of you?

1:11:40 Drew I'm not saying.

1:11:40 Adam Oh, worse, two of your wife?

1:11:42 Drew Oh. You know what I'm saying? I'm not saying what my preference is. I'm saying that the science needs to be done to see if there's actually a difference in terms of the outcome on kids.

1:11:50 Adam Oh, look, if you have a loving, if you have loving parents, you'll be fine.

1:11:56 Drew Yes.

1:11:56 Adam Don't get me wrong.

1:11:57 Drew Yes.

1:11:57 Adam Better to be a male and a female.

1:11:59 Drew Probably. Oh, yes.

1:12:02 Adam That's for sure.

1:12:03 Drew Well, we know that the females tend to go for unavailable males if they didn't have a male there regulate through their life. We know that the males tend to have trouble regulating aggression if they don't have a male around. So yeah.

1:12:16 Adam I'm going to go way out on a limb and just say, I don't have to wait for the dad on this one. But does that mean that, you know, Melissa Atheridge and Dyke DeJure could not raise a good child? No, they'll be fine. They got a few ducats to throw at the problem and everything will take care of itself.

1:12:35 Caller All right.

1:12:36 Adam I'm not sure if that's you though, Michael, because you're 19.

1:12:39 Drew No 19.

1:12:40 Adam And you don't have a partner.

1:12:41 Drew No way, Michael. No way.

1:12:44 Adam Dyke DeJure would be a good poor name. Dyke DeJure. Yeah. So Michael.

1:12:52 Caller Yes.

1:12:52 Drew No way.

1:12:54 Adam Thank you. Why do you have money to do this whole surrogate thing?

1:12:59 Caller Well, I'm working full time at a local hardware store. And if that doesn't cover it, I have inheritance that I can access if need to be.

1:13:09 Adam You work at a hardware store?

1:13:10 Caller Yes.

1:13:10 Adam What department?

1:13:12 Caller Hardware.

1:13:13 Adam Okay. What's the difference between a carriage bolt and a toggle bolt?

1:13:17 Caller Toggle bolt is mostly for anchoring. Carriage bolt is there to have a cap top to...

1:13:24 Adam Okay. All right. All right, buddy. You passed that test. Just checking. See, that's how it works. He works at a hardware store.

1:13:34 Drew Yeah. This preoccupation with having a kid is not healthy.

1:13:38 Adam How much inheritance do you have coming?

1:13:41 Caller Well, it's a cumulative of about three years now. My father got stabbed in the liver when they're working on his kidneys and gallbladder.

1:13:52 Adam What? It was a medical malpractice.

1:13:55 Caller Yes. And he over... And I'll probably be getting it within the next couple of years, about $5 million.

1:14:02 Adam Is your dad still alive?

1:14:04 Caller Struggling. And he put me down as his only beneficiary because I'm his only son.

1:14:11 Adam Wow. And he didn't do any of that, that you're gay, I'm going to disown you stuff?

1:14:15 Caller No, actually he is quite understanding. He is a little upset about my preference, but he still loves me no matter what. We sat down and we had a long discussion.

1:14:26 Adam That's a good man. Yeah. All right. Sorry to hear what happened.

1:14:30 Drew Why were they working on his kidneys and his pancreas?

1:14:33 Caller Well, no, they're working on his kidneys and his gallbladder. He has a history of drug abuse and his liver wasn't as best as it could be. So something happened with his kidneys or his gallbladder and they're doing surgery on it and they stabbed his liver on by accident.

1:14:53 Drew Wait a minute. Did he have what's called a portacable shunt?

1:14:56 Caller I don't think so.

1:14:58 Adam The portacable makes a hell of a router, by the way. If you work in a hardware store, you'll know how to do that.

1:15:04 Drew It's a huge operation. It's very dangerous that hitting the liver would be just sort of part of the risk of the procedure. That's not going to get a huge malpractice settlement.

1:15:13 Adam Is it all coming from the hospital?

1:15:15 Caller The doctor has had histories of messing up, too.

1:15:18 Drew Yeah, but these operations are highly risky. They're extremely risky to do. And things happen.

1:15:24 Adam He's not an attorney or physician. He's 19 years old. He's going to get a few ducats in a few years.

1:15:29 Drew The case has gone to trial or it's been settled?

1:15:32 Caller It's still on process. They have guaranteed that he is going to get money through it. It's just it has not been settled.

1:15:40 Drew Not five million dollars. No. No way.

1:15:42 Adam Okay.

1:15:42 Drew No way.

1:15:43 Adam All right. Michael, keep working at the hardware store. All right.

1:15:48 Caller Okay.

1:15:50 Adam And work on having a nice relationship. A nice, steady relationship.

1:15:55 Drew Look towards having a child when you're 28 and 29.

1:15:58 Adam Right.

1:15:59 Drew When humans should be having other humans, not 19.

1:16:02 Right.

1:16:03 Adam Know what a carriage bolt is, Drew?

1:16:05 Drew No idea. I know a toggle bolt. It's a little toggle thing that opens up.

1:16:08 Adam Yeah, nice. Yeah. Carriage bolt is a regular bolt, like a machine bolt, not a wood screw, not pointed. You know, but a machine, you know, like a machine screw, put a nut on the end of it. But the end of it, instead of having a hex head, like you put a wrench on, it's just smooth. Oh, like a saucer ground over. See like a, we put like a basketball hoop up and you put the board.

1:16:29 Yeah.

1:16:29 Adam You see, you don't see bolts hanging out. I think I'll see like a little smooth hump.

1:16:33 Yeah.

1:16:33 Adam Yeah.

1:16:33 Yeah.

1:16:33 Adam You know, I see a little round humps.

1:16:35 Yeah.

1:16:35 Adam It looks like a little frisbee.

1:16:38 Oh yeah.

1:16:39 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you can't, yeah.

1:16:42 Drew It's got, it's got the thing. It's got it.

1:16:44 Adam No, it's no, no, no, just smooth, just smooth.

1:16:46 Drew How does it go in?

1:16:47 Adam How do you, how do you, the, there's a, it's, it's sort of, it's a little square inside of it. It sort of pulls in and locks in. You tighten it up on the other side, put the nut on the other side. You see it now, right?

1:16:58 Drew Yes. Got it.

1:16:59 Adam Carriage bolt. Got it?

1:17:00 Got it.

1:17:02 Adam Michelle had to explain to Drew what the carriage bolt was. Yeah. Don't believe the lesbian stereotype, but on occasion it hits. Michelle just pulled one out of her pocket.

1:17:14 With the wrench.

1:17:15 Adam She wants to know if you want the metric or standard. Five-sixteenths coarse thread. Yeah, that's good.

1:17:22 Drew What's going on, Ed?

1:17:24 No.

1:17:25 Adam Electrostatic galvanized is good. She wants to know if you want the galvey one.

1:17:28 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:17:28 Adam Bondarized.

1:17:30 Drew Bondarized? She has that in her pocket?

1:17:31 Adam She got them all.

1:17:32 Drew That's awesome.

1:17:33 Adam She got the whole index all the way through. From three-sixteenths up to an inch and a quarter. What do you want? You want self-locking nut on it? Of course. She's an engineer. Michelle is a lesbian, so she drags a hardware store behind.

1:17:47 Drew Is our last caller in there?

1:17:49 Adam Ed? Yeah, I'm here. What's happening?

1:17:51 Hey, yeah, okay. I have a question. Last three times my girlfriend has had sex, she's been crying afterwards. I shouldn't say it's because of pain or anything like that. We've been together for about 10 months.

1:18:05 Drew What does she tell you the reason is?

1:18:08 She doesn't give me reason.

1:18:11 Drew Do you ask her?

1:18:14 Yeah, she pretty much the first time she said because she was happy.

1:18:22 Drew I'll tell you, at 18 when that kind of thing starts happening, it makes me concerned that she's kind of checking out of the relationship and that she really...

1:18:32 Adam Really?

1:18:32 Drew Yeah, they kind of feel in that intimate moment when they're not really feeling the connection and the excitement about it, it stands out in more bold relief for them when they get upset.

1:18:42 Adam Really?

1:18:42 Drew Yeah, and teenagers and young adults have heard that. Well, yeah, the path we would go down normally as well, maybe she was sexually abused and having flashbacks, that kind of thing. That's always a possibility. But if she wasn't and you're a teenager, you've had a long relationship and suddenly this starts happening, that's a concern.

1:18:59 Well, that sounds kind of weird. Like, well, she's she's saying like that I'm only with her because of the sex pretty much.

1:19:07 Drew She's starting to make noise.

1:19:08 Adam Oh, is is. What about her past? What do we need to know? Is her dad around?

1:19:14 Well, her stepdad now, she's she had a dad before that was abusive, sexually abusive or no, no, no, no, not sexually abusive, just pretty much verbally abusive.

1:19:26 Drew And I think you might like so she would have trouble staying in a relationship. I mean, that's here.

1:19:32 Adam Here's. Oh, boy. Yeah. And you're going to have your work cut out for you. I mean, it's going to be tough. When did you know I know I know already and where's your dad? Where's your dad? Florida?

1:19:46 No, no, her dad's in the actually town next to ours. About 10 minutes away.

1:19:50 Adam Right. He's in Fort Lauderdale. So he's around. Does she see him?

1:19:59 Yeah. She sees him once in a while. He's remarried and he's got another kid.

1:20:05 Adam New family. I'll tell you something. That that hurts a woman that kills young girls. When when biological daddy sort of dumps them off with mom and stepdad or whoever, whoever, whoever you're calling uncle this week is crashing out on the sofa and moves, moves away, marries a new lady and then craps out a new kid with the new lady.

1:20:28 Drew The ultimate negation of the mom and the daughter.

1:20:33 Adam I don't know. Yes, I completely agree with that. I don't know symbolically that you can do more damage to your daughter. And obviously, there's sexual abuse, there's physical abuse, and that's a good start. It's a good step in the right direction. But fellas, we're not completing the trifecta here. That's the hat trick is going to be the sexual, the physical and crap out the new kid. But for a young woman in her psyche, you are saying, you know, when dad mom break up and dad moves out, that's a little scarring. Daddy's abandoning us. But daddy can come around and hang out and be present and all that. And eventually daddy gets a new woman and you introduce and hopefully make things nice with the new, you know, smell the hand and make nice with the new woman. But when daddy moves away and has a couple more kids with that woman, you were never born, at least not from him. And if you think about it, is there a big difference between other friends of yours who parents live over there and have a couple of kids and you? It's like you have the same relationship. As a matter of fact, these guys live further away.

1:21:39 Drew On a very primitive level, and this is not to be in any way a stereotype, but on a primitive level, a female drive is to find dad and procreate. And here's dad leaving that fantasy and going to do that with somebody else. And so the mom who the daughter identifies with very strongly is now negated. And daughter is now completely abandoned. And the whole fantasy is ruptured and that's the end of that.

1:22:02 Adam So then, when the boyfriend happens along at 17 or 18, look out, baby. You got a project.

1:22:10 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:22:11 Adam You got to fix her upper. And you don't even know it. Because you can't tell from the outside. It looks pretty good in those tight jeans. You got no idea what's going on on the inside. And you know, they always have that sort of retarded aphorism where it's like, look inside. People should be looking at what's inside. Yeah, they should be looking at what's inside. Not how great your heart is, how effed up you may be, and how you're way over your head. You're in over your head on this one.

1:22:36 Drew And realize you're not going to solve that with loving her and taking care of her and being a nice guy. Oh, no, no, no, no.

1:22:42 Adam And now guys like, who was I talking to, Ed? Guys like Ed can be destroyed because the chick like this might, might drive. I mean, the guys kill themselves sometimes if they, if they get driven, if they're new at it, I think it can save you with a nutty chicks. Have a few notches on your belt. Have that feeling of love and loss moving forward.

1:23:04 Drew Yeah, it's not the fantasy of this never ending and being the ultimate is dead.

1:23:09 Yeah.

1:23:09 Adam You've been laid before.

1:23:11 Yeah.

1:23:13 Adam Oh, what number is she for you to?

1:23:15 She is number three.

1:23:17 Adam Number three.

1:23:18 Yeah.

1:23:18 Adam All right. Sister, step sister. Now, now her.

1:23:22 Why?

1:23:23 Adam Okay. That was a knowing life. That's a.

1:23:27 Oh, one, one thing before you guys cut me off. Talk about pedophile a little bit more. Pedophile.

1:23:36 Drew Pedophile.

1:23:37 Adam Yeah, pedophile. Not pedophile. My story, my movie idea.

1:23:43 Drew I think he wants to get more grist for Michael Nairn for cartoons.

1:23:47 Adam I'd like to see one of those cartoons. I let's take a break.

1:23:51 Drew All right.

1:23:51 Adam All right.

1:23:52 Drew We'll be back when we return.

1:23:53 Adam All right.

1:23:55 Drew Loveline.

1:23:56 Caller Okay.

1:23:56 Drew Wait.

1:23:56 Caller Wait.

1:23:58 Drew My hair.

1:23:58 Adam My hair. We'll be right back. Yeah, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Pedophile. Yeah, this is a movie I'm working on. It's really, it's really too good to talk about on the air because it's so...

1:24:38 Drew Someone might steal it.

1:24:40 Adam Oh, I'm sure it's already been stolen, but here's the story. It's a movie, it's a feature. Drama, action, it's got it all. It's got it all. It is, it's basically, it takes place in the year 2032.

1:24:57 Drew We have hovercrafts and hinges have been outlawed.

1:25:00 Adam Doors all open like apertures, camera, lenses. There's no more hinges and there's no more denim.

1:25:07 Drew Right, no more jeans, yes.

1:25:08 Adam No, no more jeans.

1:25:09 Drew Everything's polyester.

1:25:10 Adam Yeah, well jumpsuits.

1:25:11 Drew Jumpsuits.

1:25:11 Adam Great jumpsuits. Get in line and we all dress the same. That's going to happen. And it's year 2032.

1:25:18 Drew We'll have a little Nike check on our chest.

1:25:20 Adam 2032.

1:25:22 Drew Yes.

1:25:22 Adam And what we've done with pedophiles is we put them on all on one island.

1:25:29 Drew We finally have finally taken care of them.

1:25:30 Adam We realized.

1:25:31 Drew We didn't kill them.

1:25:32 Adam We're too evolved to kill them, but we were also smart enough to know they can't be cured and they can't be released back into society. So we trapped them all in one island. And this is international as well, because it's year 2030, there are no more countries anymore, no more borders, one national federation.

1:25:48 Drew Of course.

1:25:49 Adam Federation.

1:25:50 Drew Yes.

1:25:50 Adam Federation. We're all become one. We all wear the same uniform and stuff. Okay. So we put them all, make it 2028. We put them all, they're all- 2009. Three years from now. We put them all on the same island. And that's where they live. And of course, they break up into smaller tribes. You know what I mean? It becomes like the Warriors, different gangs. Sure, of course. Because there's the Butch pedophiles, and then there's the Feminine pedophiles, and then there's the Canadian pedophiles.

1:26:22 Drew And then we have the evil sort of governmental officials that sort of turn a blind eye to all this and let them fight it out.

1:26:30 Adam Oh yeah. Every man for themselves, sure.

1:26:32 Drew We take good care of them.

1:26:33 Adam They airlift in some provisions every once in a while, but they let them fight like rats for it when they airlifted in there. Okay. Now, now our story begins. Now, a Cub Scout troop who's going to a jamboree in the Canary Islands, seaplane crashes and into pedophile. Pedophile. Okay. And now here's the story. All filled with young Cub Scouts, maybe a handful of Weeblos just came back from, they use them like appetizers, who came back from this jamboree in the Canary Islands. And of course, the father, the one, the one, one Stacey Keech.

1:27:16 Drew Yes.

1:27:16 Adam He dies on impact.

1:27:17 Drew Oh, does he?

1:27:18 Adam Dies on impact.

1:27:19 Drew Okay.

1:27:19 Adam But his young son, who's that actor was in here? We got to figure that out.

1:27:23 Drew Picks up the mantle.

1:27:25 Adam Now, he used to be an Eagle Scout, but he's since grown his hair out.

1:27:29 Drew Right.

1:27:30 Adam He's rebelled against his father.

1:27:33 Drew In fact, he didn't go to the Jamboree. He was just coming along because dad made him.

1:27:36 Adam Dad made him go along on the Jamboree. Now he realizes he has to take control of the troop. Dad is gone.

1:27:43 Drew He used the vital skills that he developed as an Eagle Scout.

1:27:45 Adam He's a reluctant leader, but yet he's forced to lead and yes, falls back on those skills.

1:27:50 Drew Yes.

1:27:51 Adam Now, here's the second story. There's three or four lead troops and the kids are, you know, guys whose names, you know, in the troop of Cub Scouts. They have had trouble with their merit badges, whether it's tying a knot or skinning a rabbit or starting a fire. Of course, as the story wears on, they all have to complete those tasks, not to win a merit badge, but to win life, I tell you.

1:28:16 Caller Life itself.

1:28:18 Adam Precious life, I tell you. Yes?

1:28:21 Drew Yes, yes.

1:28:22 Adam They're on the run.

1:28:23 Drew Yes.

1:28:24 Adam Now once they land.

1:28:25 Drew Pedophiles.

1:28:26 Adam Pedophiles. Now as they move, as they run through pedophile islands.

1:28:31 Drew How do they become aware of what they've dropped into?

1:28:33 Adam Oh, they're aware of it.

1:28:35 Drew But what do they encounter that lets them know they're in trouble?

1:28:39 Adam Oh, that's a good, the bones.

1:28:41 Drew That scene will be awesome.

1:28:43 Adam When they find out.

1:28:44 Drew When they find out.

1:28:44 Adam Yes, at first they think.

1:28:46 Drew Puppet scene.

1:28:50 Adam At first, at first they think, at first they think they've just landed on a deserted island. And then they, but they smell meat cooking at night. They come up on a fire and they see the pedophile standing around the fire doing the boner puppet thing, the penis, and realize, this is pedophile. The Cub Scout, the Eagle Scout, he knows.

1:29:14 Drew Immediately.

1:29:15 Adam He's, you know, he's, everyone else is like 11 or 12.

1:29:18 Drew Because, because.

1:29:19 Adam He knows about pedophile.

1:29:20 Drew Because the penis marionettes are talking to children.

1:29:23 Adam No, he put it, well, they're doing the.

1:29:25 Drew In their little show.

1:29:26 Adam Yeah, in their little show.

1:29:27 Drew In front of the bonfire.

1:29:28 Adam No, that's important, yes. Yeah, and also, he's new, he's read the newspapers. He understands.

1:29:33 Caller The people know there's a pedophile.

1:29:35 Adam That's what he realizes. Right, trying to stop one of the young weeblos who's intoxicated by the smell of the wild boar cooking over the open flame. Can't stop it. No! As he steps into the clearing and is devoured by the pedophiles orally. Literally and figuratively devoured by the pedophiles. Powerful. That's where he runs back and alerts the rest of the troupe or on Pedophile Island.

1:30:04 Drew And they go on the run.

1:30:05 Adam Now they're on the land. But they're running in to the different gangs that inhabit Pedophile Island. All the different ones. Again like the Warriors. He's able to use a small mirror, the reflective band on his watch to communicate with a Russian trawler. But they're unable to...

1:30:24 Drew No, no, no. It's our man in the submarine with the fancy car.

1:30:27 Adam I don't know, Drew. I think you're going too far now. I'm trying to tie this in. But I'll tell you what it is. Aha! These are international waters. The waters around Pedophile... Whaling. No, no. They're a no-fly zone. They're a no-boating, no-flying. They can't be. No one can breach this. That's where the evil man comes in. Because the evil man whose state side knows what went on. There's an evil component. It always has to be the evil man. Yes, yes. Okay. Here's what it is. The evil man who's state side, sorry, he's in the United States, he knows about pedophile, but he also knows if we rescue these, the world will find out. I'm taking it back. The world doesn't know about pedophile yet. And he knows if we try to stage a rescue of these Cub Scouts, the world will find out about pedophile and be outraged.

1:31:26 Drew And the guy loses presidency.

1:31:28 Adam Right, so he can't let anyone find out. And then there's the one guy, there's the Coast Guard, he's the maverick.

1:31:38 Drew The good guy.

1:31:39 Adam He's the maverick helicopter pilot. Says kids are in there, they're going to be devoured. Re-election is coming up.

1:31:47 Drew Won't allow it to be breached.

1:31:47 Adam Won't allow it to be breached. He steals a chopper, goes on his own. He's able to communicate with the Eagle Scout. I've got to work some of the pieces out obviously. Flesh it out. Obviously there's going to be some fleshing out to do, but solid, solid base. This is a foundation.

1:32:04 Drew I'd watch that. I think it's a series, not a movie, not a feature. It's both.

1:32:10 Adam It's both. It's a movie that spawns a series. It starts as a feature and then it turns into a series.

1:32:17 Drew Meets Eubanks.

1:32:19 Adam Eubanks, Uana, Uanas. That's the name of the volcano. Mount Eubanks, Uanas. Rumbling. The gods are mad. We climbed to the top of Eubanks, Uanas. That way we can see 20 nautical miles. That's where we set our signal fire.

1:32:36 Drew There could be a good troop of local natives there to help out, but they're very primitive and they get spooked and have to throw somebody in the fire, maybe one of the kids.

1:32:45 Adam Oh. Oh.

1:32:48 Drew Oh. Lots of opportunities here.

1:32:48 Adam Felchman. Native Felchman. Indigenous Felchman. Oh, this is, oh, this is Andrew. Are you writing this down?

1:32:57 Drew This is genius, I tell you.

1:32:58 Adam All right, let's take a break. We'll be back after this.

1:33:02 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal.

1:33:04 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:33:07 Drew One call is all you need to make.

1:33:09 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:10 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:12 Caller Call the Dateline. Loveline will be right back.

1:33:38 Adam Yeah, Anderson's laughing, but Anderson, think about all the times that busted your balls that didn't start with a little jab thrown from Anderson.

1:33:46 I was just thinking of the commercials, just trying to get to commercials and all the all the ball busting I put up with. Oh, man.

1:33:53 See, there you go.

1:33:54 Adam All right, we will take a little extendo break. We'll be back in 22 hours or so. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:34:05 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, October 5, 2005