Episode 1000729232316

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:01 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:04 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content.

1:07 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew is in Pittsburgh tonight. Why? Because somebody dropped a nickel. Come on, Drew, you said it too fast. You got to pace it out. Eric Balfour is here tonight. Eric. You know, from many, many, many movies. Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Can't Hardly Wait, American Sweethearts, but now from Sex, Love and Secrets on UPN Tuesday nights. Nine o'clock. Eric, I don't think I've, when's the last time I was here when you were here? Let's see, October 2003.

2:00 Drew That sounds, you know, if you say so. It's, you know, it's already, tomorrow is in Australia. So good morning.

2:04 Adam Yeah.

2:05 Drew I don't, I think it was when we were, when we were actually promo-ing for Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

2:10 Adam Oh yeah. Yeah. Let me get your mic a little closer to where your mouth is. There we go.

2:14 Eric Balfour What? I'm confused, Adam. So nobody gets the mic for the guest? What?

2:19 Drew I sort of got myself into a funky, comfortable position here. I've got my feet up on the chairs.

2:23 Eric Balfour Unacceptable. What's the first time it ever happened on the show?

2:26 Adam Yeah. Eric and I used to be neighbors, but I moved.

2:30 Drew Moved out. You had to get out of the ghetto.

2:32 Adam I had to get out. I was slumming it. Eric, but there I always pass. I think you drive a cool vintage car, am I right?

2:39 Drew I used to. I used to have that Barracuda. What happened? It went back to my friend. I sold it back to him.

2:45 Adam Here's the thing about being cool. It takes a little work like I've realized. If you want to drive that bitch in 60s cruiser.

2:53 Drew Be prepared not to have power steering.

2:55 Eric Balfour Thinking of being cool. Adam, are you super cool today?

2:57 Adam Yes, I'm super cool.

2:59 Eric Balfour Oh, no.

3:00 Adam Yes, yes.

3:02 Drew Like scene-ster kids super cool or like super cool?

3:06 Eric Balfour He goes in a car super cool.

3:07 Adam Yeah, that kind of cool. Yeah, I want to just say that when you want, like I always think about those guys that have like that rockabilly look and they have to put a lot of.

3:16 Drew I've seen kids.

3:17 Adam Have to put a lot of butchers wax in their hair and they have to put the boots on and they can never just throw on sweatpants and go down to the store and they drive the vintage car but the problem is is the car, yeah, doesn't have power steering and it's got front brakes and no air and it's got to warm up for 10 minutes every morning.

3:34 Drew And they don't believe in deodorant because you know.

3:36 Adam They're that cool. Yeah, I just thought, you don't look cool in the Honda but the Honda's got an airbag and it's ready to go as soon as you turn the key.

3:43 Drew Yeah, it's like the Prius. You know, the Prius isn't the coolest thing in the world. But because it's not cool, it's kind of cool.

3:50 Adam But the Prius at least now is making a statement like that. You know, what's cool about the Prius is the Prius is, is rich guys and poor guys drive it and they're both cool in it because you're doing your thing for the environment.

4:05 Drew But my favorite thing about the Prius drivers are the ones who drive the Prius and then still throw their cigarette butts out the window.

4:11 They're really super cool.

4:13 Adam I just, I'll tell you, there's something I don't understand and I'm going to pitch my my environmental plan again. One is, is the Prius gets 50 miles to the gallon, basically, which is fine, but so did the Honda CRX from 1986 and so did the GIO Metro in 1989 or whatever the hell it was. So first off, the fact that we had a handful of cars that got 50 miles to the gallon 15 to 20 years ago, you'd think, well, the benchmark would be 100 miles to the gallon, somehow that ain't happening. Number one, but here's my plan, and tell me if you're down with this. Freeways, freeways are too crowded, sky is too polluted, everything's a mess, everything's gridlocked or all fall apart, gas is going through the roof. Here's what I want. I say, and they're always telling everyone, we have to give people incentives, get them out of their cars, get them onto the bus, get them into carpools, blah, blah, blah. No one does it.

5:03 Drew Are you thinking stripper poles on the buses?

5:05 Eric Balfour He's thinking five bucks a gallon.

5:07 Adam Hold on, I'm gonna write that down. Here's my plan. You're ready, Eric?

5:10 Drew Yes, I'm ready.

5:11 Adam Gas, five bucks a gallon or ten bucks a gallon.

5:14 Fine.

5:15 Adam Make it ten bucks a gallon.

5:16 Okay.

5:17 Adam If you want to drive, it's ten bucks a gallon. Now, the actual cost of gas, three bucks a gallon. The extra seven bucks, it's going to the monorail. It's going to vouchers for poor people. It's going to vans that will come to your house and pick you up and take you vanpool to work, whatever. Now, here's the deal. If you still really want to drive, ten bucks a gallon. But all the other monies going in the subway, going in the buses, going in the subsidies, we will incentivize people to leave their cars at home.

5:45 Drew Okay, here's my one glitch. The one glitch. For instance, people in New Orleans, Katrina happens. They say get out of town. Get out, get out, get out. All those people who didn't have cars, who the government kept saying, we warned you, get out.

5:59 Adam They couldn't.

6:02 Eric Balfour People in LA still will have cars. Don't make no mistake about it.

6:05 Drew People in LA will have cars if they had to give away.

6:07 Adam The glitch.

6:09 Eric Balfour Well, here's the glitch. The glitch is what happens during those few years when the infrastructure is being built.

6:14 Adam Well, we don't even need the infrastructure anymore because the freeways, which were like prisons, made to house 2,000 inmates. We now have 5,000 inmates in these prisons. Go back to 1,500 inmates. You see?

6:27 Eric Balfour No, no, no. You're missing my point.

6:29 Adam The monorails and everything.

6:31 Eric Balfour Before that stuff is up and running, how are you going to get to work if you can't afford 10 bucks a gallon?

6:35 Adam Here's the deal, Drew. It all begins with buses and van pools and that stuff. Nice new clean buses, nice vans and all that. Put everyone on it. Now, here's the deal, too. How do we escape when the dirty bomb lands? Well, first off, let Darwin do his job for a change.

6:51 Caller That's all I'm saying.

6:52 Adam Let Darwin roll up his sleeves and really get to work around here. I want to do some weeding and not so much seeding. But here's the thing. We know...

6:59 Drew So this is really a question of evolution.

7:01 Adam We know, yes, the people that aren't driving the van... If we gotta evacuate, the van's gotta go to the houses of the people that are on their van list.

7:10 Drew Right.

7:10 Adam That's how it works. So, nice new vans that run off of hydrogen or run off of propane or natural gas or something. Seven bucks off of every gallon. Ten bucks a gallon, I tell ya. Seven bucks. Now, what's everyone do? No more escalates with the spinners anymore. If you want to drive, you are going to pay the price to drive.

7:34 Drew Do you know anybody with spinners on their car? I don't actually know anybody who has, I see them on the street, but I don't actually know anybody who drives them.

7:40 Adam I don't know anyone who actually has spinners, but I don't run with that crowd. I know Drew does, so I don't want to offend any of Drew's buddies.

7:47 Drew How dare you?

7:48 Adam A friend of mine said eventually one of those spinners is going to come off, is going to kill somebody, and that'll be the end of spinners.

7:57 Drew That's the thing, that's the fun part about our show. It's about that whole other side of the city over in East Hollywood like Silver Lake. We don't have to deal with any of that. It's all about, you know, it's that, you know, well it's the scene kids, I guess, a little bit.

8:10 Adam Denise Richards also in here. Yeah man. I love her.

8:15 Drew We love her, too.

8:16 Caller And I watch her every Tuesday at 9 o'clock.

8:19 Adam Also, I have this retarded thing where I think I discovered her because I remember, I saw Starship Troopers.

8:26 Eric Balfour I just saw that tonight and I thought of that in fact. I saw Starship Troopers. Oh my god, this is where Adam fell in love with her.

8:32 Adam I was like, eight years ago, I was like, this chick is smoking hot. And everyone's like, who? Denise Richards, she's piping. And everyone's like, who? And then later on, they're all like, oh, Denise is hot. I'm like, ho ho, hello, I discovered her.

8:45 Drew Well, wait, could you see Denise's breasts in Starship Troopers? Or was that the other girl in the movie? She was on the screen and was like, oh, sorry.

8:52 Adam Yeah, she was in the shower.

8:54 Drew In the shower.

8:54 Adam She was the other girl.

8:55 Drew Something about co-ed military showers kind of does it for me. I don't know why.

8:59 Adam Yeah, it's a good movie. And I felt I laid claim to Denise Richards, the way you would lay claim like when you're in junior high to your month on the Playboy calendar.

9:09 Drew I understand.

9:09 Adam Like, that's mine.

9:10 Caller I'm May. Look at her. She's hot.

9:12 Adam She's hotter in your month.

9:14 Drew And she's like three months out of having a kid, man. And she looks amazing. Another kid? She and Charlie had another kid.

9:20 Adam Are they getting back together?

9:22 Drew You know, that's I honestly don't know. That's, you know, I'm sure they're.

9:25 Eric Balfour They're having kids, but they're not getting back together?

9:27 Drew Well, I'm sure they're trying. You know, it's.

9:28 Adam They're trying to work it out.

9:30 Drew They're trying to work it out.

9:30 Eric Balfour But by having kids, that's the worst way to do it.

9:33 Drew Well, no, no, no, no, no. I don't think that wasn't that that wasn't the lineage of information. I think they they got pregnant and then things happened and, you know, whatever. But, you know, the one of the.

9:41 Adam It's got to be her. It can't be Sheen.

9:43 Eric Balfour No, no, no, no.

9:45 Drew He's an angel.

9:46 It can't be Sheen.

9:47 Adam It can't be a Sheen.

9:48 Drew I got to tell you, he's. I mean, you were you. You know, John Cryer was our neighbor, too. Sure. But in his way, his ex-wife was.

9:54 Caller Well, what a work piece of work.

9:56 Adam But I got to know. Let me just always say.

9:58 I don't even know her name.

9:59 Adam You know what? It is. You know, Drew, you know, Kathy Griffin and her husband broke up. What? Yes. When? John.

10:08 Drew Who marries?

10:09 Adam John Cryer, who used to live next door to me. When did they break up?

10:12 Eric Balfour Up the hill from Eric.

10:13 Adam They broke up. They broke up like two days ago. All I'm saying is, is these Hollywood. You know what it is? People are impulsive in Hollywood, which is, I think if you're from the Midwest and you're a substitute school teacher and he works for the DWP, they, you threaten to break up like several times a month, but you never do it.

10:33 Drew You never do it.

10:34 Adam Charlie was like, pow.

10:35 Drew I gotta tell you a story about John Cryer's wife, but first, Charlie Sheen is awesome. He's an awesome guy.

10:42 Adam I know he's an awesome guy if you're a guy. Well, yeah, but if you married him, you'd be miserable.

10:47 Drew You never, maybe, I don't know.

10:48 Adam Your ass would be so sore.

10:51 Drew I'm not married to him, but you know what? I hear, Denise tells me, because they're still friends, they have the kids and they're still friends. He helps her run her lines for the show and he'll play me in our scenes with her. So I'm waiting to actually go and hear him do me in the scenes. I can't wait to see the, so, you know, do you need a haircut?

11:11 Do you need a trim?

11:13 Drew I'm feeling maybe a hooker. I don't know. But I want to hear him do me.

11:17 Adam Crazy guys who are horrible in relationships are always great guys for other guys to hang out with.

11:22 Drew That's probably true. Oh, well they let the allows to justify.

11:25 Adam Yeah, now hold on. Yeah, Drew. Now look at Drew. Horrible guy to hang out with. Yeah, boring.

11:30 Eric Balfour Boring.

11:31 Adam Boring, like pee whipped to the ninth degree. I mean, you don't want to hang out with Drew. No guy wants to hang out with Drew. But that's just a point.

11:40 Drew Not unless you need medical advice.

11:41 Adam Chick wants to hang out with Drew. Yes, Drew. Anything else?

11:45 Eric Balfour I was just saying that people that have addictions and things often are very entertaining to be around.

11:49 Adam Yes, they're life of the party, but tough to bring home.

11:52 Drew Well, they're entertaining for the first hour until they start having withdrawals or jonesing or puking or sweating.

11:57 Eric Balfour But we, in fact, some of our most sociopathic patients in my program where I treat these people, our nurses will say, I love it, he's great, he's so much fun. And we think, oh Christ, here we go. Because it's a sign of sociopathy.

12:09 Adam What were you saying about Cryer's ex?

12:12 Drew So Cryer's wife, the first time I met her was at the laundry, the dry cleaners down the street over at Holly Hills.

12:20 Adam She was on our show, by the way, Drew. Sorry for cutting you off. She's a pretty blonde who was on...

12:25 Drew She was in that movie, PCU.

12:26 Adam Yeah, she must have been on Loveline, the TV show once upon a time, but go ahead.

12:31 Eric Balfour What was her name? What's her name?

12:33 Drew I can't remember. I don't remember.

12:35 Adam But go ahead.

12:35 Drew So I'd seen her in the neighborhood and she drives by me. She's driving the Mini Cooper that has the British flag on it, which immediately is a symbol of just nuttiness at the back.

12:43 Adam Yes.

12:44 Drew So she's driving by me on my street and she gives me this funny look as I'm standing in front of my house getting my mail. So I see her a couple of weeks later at the dry cleaner. She goes, do you live in my neighborhood? I go, yeah, I saw you the other day. She's like, I'm married to John. I'm like, all right, I see him driving by. He's a really nice guy. She's like, yeah, so funny. I saw you on the street in front of that house. I thought you were a male prostitute. Oh, I'm like, what? I'm like, why would that be your first assumption? She's like, well, you were just standing in front of it. I'm like, so you see someone standing in front of a house in a neighborhood in your first instinct? Oh, well, he's definitely a hooker.

13:19 Eric Balfour Abnormal thinking.

13:20 Drew I had no response to that.

13:21 Adam Wow. And she wasn't kidding.

13:23 Drew She was not kidding at all. She was so serious.

13:26 Eric Balfour A, bizarre thought, B, bizarre to tell you about it.

13:28 Adam That's the most bizarre thought.

13:30 Drew Just to share it with me, because I don't know if she thought I was going to maybe be like, well, you know, I'm not working right now, you know, 250 an hour.

13:38 Eric Balfour Well, right.

13:39 Adam He he is the nicest guy in the world. He's a sweetheart. So it must be her. That's all I'm saying. But they had a newborn. And it's so it's weird because you live next. I lived across the street from them. And they're like, I said, they're walking the dog. They're pushing the newborn around. And the next thing you know, it's like, they're gone.

13:57 I just gave him a blowjob.

13:59 Drew The illusion of safety.

14:00 I tell you.

14:01 Eric Balfour Hey, listen, before you go to calls.

14:03 Adam All that I had, I had.

14:04 Drew But I mean, theoretically, it's always them, not us. Pretty much.

14:08 Adam Yeah. Sarah. I'm sorry.

14:09 Eric Balfour No, no, no. Before you go to calls. It's the last chance tonight to win the iPod Nano. And the last time I have to read this. So each night, okay, tonight, you have to listen for Corn Twisted Transistor. The song is Twisted Transistor by Corn. As a bumper music, when you hear us come out of commercial, first person to say iPod Nano gets through on the Loveline and talks to the Loveline screener. You win, you'll also get a gift certificate from iTunes for 10 free downloads. You've got to be 18 years of old, of age or older. Wow, I'm tired today.

14:37 Caller It's very exciting.

14:38 Adam Drew.

14:38 Drew We can try that again in the next break.

14:39 Adam You have had to crap out of that five straight nights.

14:42 Eric Balfour No, but this was the worst.

14:43 Adam You know who's excited this promotion is ending? iPod. They're the most excited that this is coming to an end. Sarah, you're 19?

14:55 Caller Yes.

14:55 Adam What's up?

14:57 Caller My question is, I'm still wetting my bed.

15:02 Adam Still wetting your bed?

15:04 Drew Stop drinking.

15:04 Caller I take medication, but.

15:07 Adam Take medication? Are you on a phone? Are you on a landline?

15:12 Caller No, cell phone.

15:13 Adam Cell phone. All right.

15:14 Well, hold still.

15:15 Adam So you wet the bed every night?

15:18 Caller Yes. I let her take my medication.

15:20 Eric Balfour What medication are you taking?

15:22 Caller Decimal Presin, at the same time, something like that.

15:25 Eric Balfour Do you sniff it in your nose?

15:27 Adam Oh, really? It's basically a line of speed so she doesn't go to bed?

15:30 Eric Balfour No, it's called DDAVP. It prevents the kidneys from producing urine.

15:35 Adam Oh, look, I can cure this. Okay, hold on. I'm putting you on hold. I haven't told this story in a while. I used to wet the bed.

15:42 Drew But that was because you drank a lot.

15:44 Adam Well, no, this is before I even had a problem with alcohol. Oh. Maybe now. Different story. But this is before the problem. I used to wet the bed and I wet the bed. I stopped for a while and then I started again when I was like eleven or something. And no one really seemed to care. But once every so often when I would go to sleep over at my grandparents' house, my grandpa didn't want me up the sofa. So he put a bucket by the side of the bed or by the side of the sofa. And I would go to bed at like nine o'clock, nine thirty at night and he would go in and watch Charo on The Tonight Show. And that would end at eleven, you know, twelve thirty, one o'clock. And when he would go to bed, he would pass me on the sofa, he'd wake me up and he'd say whiz in the bucket. And now for me, I went to bed about nine, nine thirties, so it's about the three, four hour mark. I would take a good long whiz into that bucket and then set it down and go back to sleep and I never wet the bed. Why? Because I got up in the middle of the night and took a whiz.

16:47 Drew So basically you need to have dreams of Charo going, no baby, take a piece, go come on, come on, you got to take a piece in the bucket, you got to love it, take a piece, come on baby.

16:55 Eric Balfour And if you remember Adam, I brought in some literature, a medical article that said that those behavioral interventions such as having timers and that kind of thing are as effective as anything else.

17:05 Adam Well people are taking pills, people are going to see therapies, people are having sheets that shock them. Here is how you do it everybody.

17:15 Drew Don't drink a couple hours before you go to bed for one.

17:17 Adam That ain't gonna hurt. The other thing you need to do is go to any supermarket, any store and get yourself one of those little digital timers, just 10 bucks, they put them in kitchens, you can press the hour, you can press the minute, just tick tick tick and hit set and you got it for two hours, three hours or whatever. So if you're sarin, you're going to bed at midnight, hit your little timer for three hours. It'll go off at three in the morning. When it goes off, you get up and take a leak and then go back to sleep again. The next night, you could do it for four hours, but if you wake up wet, set it back.

17:51 Drew And if all else fails, I would suggest just get a catheter. The pills, I mean, get off the pills.

17:57 Eric Balfour Well, the catheters are actually very dangerous. Those are very dangerous.

17:59 Adam Sarah.

18:00 Drew Will they back up or something?

18:01 Eric Balfour Well, no, you become permanently dependent on them when you take it out. You can't hold your urine. You get infections. You get your kidney.

18:07 Drew Sorry, Sarah.

18:08 Adam Sorry, Sarah.

18:09 Drew I didn't mean to give you bad advice.

18:10 Adam Leave him alone.

18:11 Drew I'm sorry, Sarah. I didn't mean to give you bad advice.

18:13 Adam Sarah.

18:13 Caller Yes.

18:14 Adam What about my timer idea?

18:17 Caller I've tried it. I've tried everything. I've tried.

18:19 Adam Oh, OK. Now, no, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Now, how can the timer not work? How long did you set the timer for?

18:27 Caller And like every three hours, like you were saying, like I would go to sleep even if I went to bed, like even midnight, I would wake up at three o'clock.

18:34 Adam And had you wet the bed?

18:36 Caller Yeah. If I don't take that medication.

18:39 Eric Balfour I mean, I would do it every hour. Wait, now, wait a minute. Do you have mechanical problems?

18:43 Drew Do you rest if she's waking up every hour?

18:45 Eric Balfour No, I do.

18:46 Caller Every hour.

18:47 Eric Balfour But are you, do you have any other physiological problems? I mean, do you have a spinal injury or something, or spinal, you know, spina bifida or something?

18:55 Caller No.

18:56 Eric Balfour No, okay.

18:56 Adam Were you ever abused?

18:58 Caller Yes.

18:59 Adam Yeah.

19:00 Eric Balfour Of course.

19:00 Adam So it was, you were sexually abused, right?

19:04 Drew Do you use any drugs?

19:06 Caller No.

19:06 Drew Recreation or nothing?

19:07 Eric Balfour No.

19:08 Adam Who sexually abused you?

19:12 Eric Balfour Um, my dad at night.

19:13 Caller My dad, my brother-in-law.

19:14 Adam Your brother-in-law?

19:16 Caller Well, back then was my sister's boyfriend.

19:20 Adam Boy, and then they got married?

19:22 Caller Yeah. Well, I never told anyone.

19:24 Drew Is he still around?

19:26 Caller Yeah.

19:27 Drew So you have to see this person?

19:29 Caller Oh. I try not to.

19:31 Drew Right.

19:32 Adam How old were you and how old was he when he did this?

19:38 Eric Balfour It also means that dad's got to be a piece of work.

19:42 Adam Drew, don't talk over the part where she says how old he goddamn was. Would you please? You were 11.

19:49 Caller 18 or 19. I'm not sure which. All right. But he's finishing high school.

19:54 Adam So he's an adult and you were 11. So he's an animal. And now I'm sure he's got a few kids with your sister. Perfect. Perfect. I'm going to I'm going to get some coordinates and call in an airstrike so we can stop the nest.

20:10 Drew Sarah, before before you even worry about the bedwetting, man, you got to go deal with this. Go handle this and get some help with this, because that's a big issue. That's a big deal.

20:19 Eric Balfour But again, her dad's got to be a piece of work, too, given that sis decided to marry this a-hole.

20:23 Caller My dad is not alive, he said.

20:26 Caller Your dad's not alive?

20:27 Caller He's not wrong, he's never been alive. He died when I was born.

20:30 Eric Balfour What happened? Drug driving?

20:38 Caller I'm not sure. I mean, he wasn't drunk, but he was.

20:40 All right, all right.

20:41 Adam Sarah, here's, let me tell you. Use, try my timer plan again and try it this time, would you? Get some therapy and don't have any kids.

20:50 Eric Balfour Please.

20:51 Please?

20:51 Eric Balfour Uh-oh.

20:52 Adam Do you have any kids?

20:55 Eric Balfour No.

20:55 Adam Uh-huh.

20:56 Caller No.

20:57 Adam Okay, no kids.

21:00 Caller I'm not.

21:00 Adam Okay. All right. All right. Listen, I, you know, here's my feeling and I'm, I'm a little tough in the love department, but I want guys like this just sort of destroyed because it's like, it's like he is taking a dump in the well that we're all trying to drink out of and I want him stopped. Like he is going to molest this chick, screw her up. She's going to hook up with an abusive guy. She's going to get pregnant. Their kid's going to get screwed up. Imagine what this guy is doing to his young kids, what he's exposing them to.

21:31 Drew It amazes me that they actually can, they can, you know, have punishments they think are feasible for these things like five years, seven years, like that's going to fix a creature like this.

21:43 Adam And the same thing you'd get for selling some tabs of acid at a Grateful Dead concert, you get for banging an 11-year-old.

21:50 Drew No, these guys, you just get rid of them. Slowly but surely, you just, you know.

21:54 Adam I'm telling you, what was my idea, a pedophile island? Oh, Eric.

21:58 Drew Do they just rape each other all day long?

22:00 Eric Balfour It's a reality show. It was pedophile.

22:02 Pedophile. Yeah, all right.

22:05 Adam Eric, just please dig on this. I know you're a pretty decent-sized player in this community, and I know you know some pretty heavy hitters, too. Now, dig this.

22:14 Drew Okay.

22:14 Adam This could be a TV show. The year is 2031. What do we do with the pedophiles? You know, we can't have them killed, but all they do is get out and repeat their horrible crimes against society. We put them on an island. Pedophile.

22:32 Drew And then we could have competitions every week.

22:34 Adam No, no, no. It's not a reality show. It's a drama. It's an hour-long drama. That'd be good, too.

22:38 Drew Oh, so you're saying it's not a reality show. It's not the actual pedophiles.

22:41 Adam No, it is. This could be a feature. This is a feature.

22:44 Drew Sort of similar. Well, there was that movie with Ray Liotta.

22:46 Adam That's right. It was an excellent movie. It's so good, we can't think of the name, but.

22:51 Drew Kevin Dillon was really good. Yeah, here's the deal.

22:53 Adam Me and Eric could think of the name of it eventually. You, Drew, under the head of you and everyone in your family and gave you seven months, you come up with zero. But Michelle will get on the island or that something escape. It was a good move. OK, here's my point. We have an island and every pedophile from the world, around the world, ends up at this island. And our whole thing is like, we're not going to kill you. But look, there will be no children for you guys to apply your trade. And you can just, you know, have your hierarchy and whatever. Until until a plane filled with Cub Scouts crashes on its way back from a jamboree.

23:30 Drew Right.

23:30 Adam And in in Oahu crashes onto the island.

23:34 Drew The detail of Oahu is nice, too.

23:36 Adam I like this is South Park information that now there is a group of Cub Scouts who must use their training.

23:45 Drew So it's Lord of the Flies. Lord of the Flies, because you got to have a tag for it. Lord of the Flies meets the movie with Brad Pitt and Michael and Michael Patchett. Meet Lost. Well, Meet Lost.

23:56 Adam Meet Lost in that movie. We're going to find out the name of now. Now there's the one kid that could never get his merit badge for whatever, skinning a rabbit or starting a fire. That's at the end. That's what it comes down to. He has to start that fire. Yeah. Now I see you as the head of the pedophile. No, I see you as, you know who you are?

24:21 Drew That's a role for Kevin Bacon.

24:22 Adam Here's who you are. Your dad is the Cub Scout troop leader.

24:27 Caller Right.

24:27 Adam And you're the former Eagle Scout who sort of turned his back on scouting.

24:31 Caller Right.

24:32 Adam But agreed to go on this trip with your dad. And your dad's telling you about discipline and about honor. And you've kind of turned your back on it. But after the plane crash, your father dies. And you have to take over as the leader of the troops.

24:45 Drew So he's the reluctant hero.

24:47 Adam The reluctant leader of the troop.

24:49 Drew My manager's here. Can we get Jerry Bruckheimer on the phone?

24:52 Adam Powerful stuff.

24:53 Drew I did something for them. I think Bruckheimer would be into this.

24:56 Adam Petif Isle.

24:57 Drew Petif Isle. This is a Michael Braid project if I've ever heard one.

25:00 Huge, huge.

25:02 Eric Balfour This is a Michael Naran project.

25:04 Adam There's a volcano that's going to go off. You're being chased by these things. The predators. These horrible predators.

25:10 Drew And then there's that scene with the weakest kid. The one who couldn't run as fast as everybody.

25:15 Adam Breaks your heart.

25:17 Caller Breaks your heart.

25:18 Adam You can still hear the squeals.

25:19 Drew He's a little chubby. He couldn't run as fast as the other kids.

25:23 Eric Balfour But cute. He's cute.

25:24 Drew He's like, he's like, he's like, Aunt Piggy from Lord of the Flies.

25:27 Adam There's an element of warriors in it too, because the pedophiles have broken off into their own gangs and cults.

25:35 Drew And they, you know, they're a little gay anyway, so they have like baseball uniforms or...

25:39 Adam Yes, and there's the French ones and the Canadian ones. Yes, Drew.

25:43 Eric Balfour Given that Michael Nairn's going to make a cartoon out of this, what's my role in this?

25:46 Adam Oh.

25:47 Drew You're the omnipotent voice. You're the narrative.

25:49 Adam Yeah, you're the narrative.

25:50 Eric Balfour I'm the volcano. I'm the volcano.

25:51 Caller You're the volcano.

25:53 Adam You know, you are the... I'll tell you who you're the voice of. You're the narrative. You're the voice inside Eric's head of his dead father who tells him to lead, who tells him to be strong, who gives up and revolt.

26:05 Eric Balfour No, no, it's like Lion King where I'm up in the sky and he talks to me. I'm the star.

26:09 Adam Yes, but you remind him he was once an Eagle Scout.

26:13 Yes.

26:14 Adam Go ahead, Drew.

26:14 Eric Balfour Know who you are. Know who you are.

26:18 Adam Few more.

26:18 Eric Balfour That's the best I can do.

26:19 Adam Give me five.

26:20 Eric Balfour Remember the circle of life.

26:22 Adam No, hold on. You still hold on. You deliver that one like the iPod commercial. Let's go, buddy.

26:26 Eric Balfour Let's focus.

26:27 Drew Give me some clean tape. It'll work too because we got one of these narratives on our show and it's like the omnipotent voice sort of commenting on society and relationships and it works really well. It's going to be...

26:41 Eric Balfour Yes, here it is. Here it is. Yes, like the Desperate Housewife, the guy that tells the story at the beginning. It'll be my voice because I'm a ghost. I'm ever-present. I'm there everywhere. I'm watching this happen. I went and talk about setting the scene and just when they thought things were safe, my dear son, I worry about him constantly.

26:59 Drew I don't think it's my dear son. I think you say, listen to me, boy.

27:03 Adam No, no, then...

27:04 Eric Balfour Then, no, no, no. But when I'm talking to the audience, I'm kind and gentle. But when I talk to you, I mean...

27:09 Drew Oh, I like it.

27:10 Eric Balfour I'm a Fossa. I'm a Fossa.

27:12 Drew It's tough love. Yeah.

27:13 Eric Balfour Yes.

27:14 Drew Yes. You should come and get some practice. You should come and do some of the narrative on our show. You could come talk about love and sex and see what's going on.

27:22 Eric Balfour I know, Eric. Be serious.

27:24 Adam Drew, seriously, give me three clean lines, and then we're going to break. Uh-oh.

27:28 Eric Balfour Wait a minute. Give me a theme. Give me something. About what? So let's remember who you are.

27:33 Adam Yeah. Come on, Drew. Come up with them yourself. You went to college for 70 years. You can't come up with three things.

27:39 Eric Balfour There's a scientist.

27:40 Drew They don't write anything. You get a degree after 70 years?

27:43 Adam True. I'm done doing the thinking on this show. Now come up with three good ones and come up with them now. Go.

27:48 Eric Balfour Remember who you are.

27:50 Adam One more clean one of those.

27:53 Eric Balfour Remember who you are.

27:56 Adam Okay.

27:56 Eric Balfour What's your name going to be? What's your name going to be in the thing, Eric?

27:58 Adam Dax.

27:59 Eric Balfour Dax.

28:00 Drew Dax or Christian? Biblical.

28:02 Adam Yeah. Either one, Drew.

28:04 Caller Go ahead.

28:05 Eric Balfour Dax, I am Lord. Just kidding.

28:08 Drew This week on Petifile.

28:11 Adam Come on, Drew, give me three clean ones. Come on.

28:13 Eric Balfour All right. Dax, remember who you are. What's your last name? What's your last name? What's your last name?

28:20 Drew Dax McClintock.

28:21 Eric Balfour Oh, McClintock. Dax, remember who you are. You are a McClintock. You're from Proud Stock. You know what's right. You know what you need to do. OK, Dax.

28:33 Adam Try one more.

28:34 Tighten it up and really hit Tuesdays at 9 o'clock on UP.

28:38 Adam There we go.

28:39 Eric Balfour Dax, remember who you are. You come from the proud McClintock stock. Remember. Is that good?

28:48 Drew I think you should add one more. I think you need one more. You should do it with an accent. Let's just get three.

28:53 Eric Balfour Let's get three.

28:54 Drew You should do it. It should be.

28:55 Caller Remember who you are, boy.

28:57 It's one to twelve, it's eleven thirty.

28:59 Drew You're from the McClintock clan.

29:00 Adam Drew, give me three wild lines. Give me three runs, three different runs. Just wild like run, run. You know what I mean?

29:07 Three wilds and we'll go to bright.

29:09 Drew I'm going to give them a little soundtrack.

29:12 Dax, run!

29:15 Eric Balfour Run, Dax.

29:17 Caller Run.

29:19 Adam All right, that's very good. Dax McClintock in studio tonight. Here's a little project called Pedophile. It's coming out this Friday Nationwide. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this. Boring bit.

29:34 Loveline's phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

29:49 Adam What's happening, everybody? It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew in Pittsburgh. Why? Because somebody dropped a nickel.

29:58 Eric Balfour That's right. I was thinking off the air here that you guys were advocating, you and Adam were advocating that girl get up every hour and pee, but that DDAVP was working for her. It's a hormone with no side effects. Why don't let her, what's the difference between her having disturbed sleep all night and not feeling good and taking a medicine that makes her not pee?

30:16 Adam I'll tell you why. Well, A, one of them is my ID and the other one isn't.

30:21 Eric Balfour You're right. That's much better.

30:22 Adam That's number one. Number two, I feel like in terms of the message she's sending herself, especially someone who is victimized in the past, that she should be proactive. She should say, I can take care of this. I can solve this. I don't have to take a pill. I can take care of it. Let me do a quick plug.

30:40 Drew The difference is being in effect of something or being at cause over it.

30:44 Adam Yes. Thank you. Truer words were never spoken. Eric Balfour is here tonight. Sex, Love and Secrets on UPN Tuesday Nights, 9 o'clock with the smoking hot Denise Richards as well. And the now new narrative voice of Dr. Drew, who plays Dax McClintock's father.

31:02 Drew Dax McClintock's senior.

31:04 Adam Senior. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right. Dax senior. Yeah, right. Die in the plane crash.

31:08 Drew Yeah, it's rough.

31:09 Eric Balfour But you know, my name is actually Donald, but that's your name.

31:14 Drew Yes.

31:14 Eric Balfour Yeah, we just call you Dax for short.

31:16 Drew Right.

31:17 Adam And the thing too is.

31:18 Drew And I kept his glasses.

31:19 Adam You spent so much time, which you didn't need, but you used to magnify the sun's light to start a signal fire.

31:28 Drew That's right.

31:28 Adam Now here's the other thing too. You spent so much time rebelling against your father, but after he passed, you realized you guys had a lot, a lot, a lot. You guys shared a lot in common.

31:37 Drew Do I have his Journal of Cub Scout knowledge with me that I referred to?

31:42 Adam The one you always refused to look at, but now it's like your Bible.

31:46 Drew Yeah.

31:47 Adam And some of that old Eagle Scout training is coming back to you too.

31:51 Drew Oh yeah. Of course. Digging the little, building the fire, and then digging the little patch in the dirt, and then laying holes.

31:56 Eric Balfour Yeah, we see how that works on Survivor every week.

31:58 Drew Putting the dirt back over it, and making a little warm bed for yourself.

32:01 Adam Wow. The movie's done, by the way. It's already in the can. It's gonna be at Sundance in a few weeks.

32:07 Eric Balfour What's Denise Richards gonna be doing in the show?

32:09 Drew Denise plays a publicist on the show.

32:13 Caller She plays this very...

32:15 Adam Oh, I thought you were talking about Petaphile.

32:16 Drew No, no.

32:17 Eric Balfour Yes, yes, I was.

32:19 Drew Oh, no, on Petaphile?

32:21 Adam Yeah.

32:21 Drew Denise on Petaphile will actually be...

32:23 Adam I already know what she's doing.

32:25 Drew I figured it out. I thought she was gonna be a native. No, no, she's not a native to the island.

32:30 Eric Balfour That's awesome.

32:30 Adam It's not bad. It's not bad.

32:32 Drew I think a native in a very skimpy little outfit.

32:34 Eric Balfour Yes, of course.

32:35 Adam It's good. It's solid. Oh, don't worry. We'll get her in something light. Don't worry. Here it is, though. Are you ready? She is an Eagle Scout that's accompanying the Scout troop with her, who looks like a nerdy guy. Is it for an exchange student? We find out she's a woman. Whoa. We think she's a 17-year-old Norwegian boy for the first half of the movie.

32:59 Drew She was a soccer player.

33:00 Adam At a certain point, find out she had to pose as a boy in order to make the trip, in order to be an Eagle Scout, because we don't let women become Eagle Scouts. We find that in the bathing scene at the lake.

33:10 Drew Right, and then the Eagle Scout hat comes off, and the hair falls.

33:13 Adam Yes, yes, she had glasses too.

33:16 Wow. Wow.

33:19 Eric Balfour I'm in. Let me...

33:20 Drew You know what? Maybe I'll get her on the phone.

33:23 Adam Get her on the horn.

33:24 Drew See if she's into this.

33:25 Adam This will break her water, for sure. Tiffany?

33:29 I'm here.

33:30 Adam You're 18?

33:31 Caller Yes, I'm 18.

33:33 Adam Not amused by pedophile.

33:34 Eric Balfour No, not at all. You can tell.

33:36 Adam Just go ahead.

33:39 Oh, well, my fantasy is that, I don't know, I can't get turned on by any guys or girls, but I have sex with kitchen appliances.

33:48 Adam Like Cuisin Arts and things or toasters?

33:51 Drew Egg beaters?

33:52 Anything basically that could penetrate me.

33:55 Caller Okay, I think that's all of it, Bob.

33:57 Drew I mean, you're not talking about, like, carving knives or anything, are you?

34:00 Caller Oh, no, not that.

34:02 Eric Balfour How dare you?

34:03 Adam So, well, yeah, you know-

34:04 Caller I'm way out of line.

34:05 Adam You know what you don't want to use is one of those corn cob holders.

34:08 Drew Yeah.

34:09 Adam That, you know, the shape like corn?

34:10 Drew Yeah, the little fork thing.

34:11 Caller Yeah, that's right.

34:13 Adam I'll just tell you from personal experience, that is rough going in.

34:15 Drew Now, what does it, for you more, something hard and like metal or something more soft and like a like a sponge or like one of the, you know, the sponge that have the soap inside the stick of it?

34:24 Adam Oh, nice. Yeah. What do you use, Tiffany?

34:28 Basically, I've been using like kitchen utensils, like, you know, that you like mix stuff up with, like from the like you bake with stuff like that.

34:36 Drew Can openers.

34:37 Adam Hold on a second.

34:39 Caller She said yes.

34:40 Drew She said yes.

34:42 Caller Here's the thing.

34:42 Adam Can we ever get any good specific information out? Yes. Basically. And here's the thing. When you hear the sentence start with basically be prepared to be let down.

34:52 Drew Is this ball BS.?

34:53 Adam Not necessarily. It just went. When you think about it, when you say to somebody, when you say to somebody, look, I want specific details. Tell me what you use on yourself. Well, basically to might as well stop right there because you're never going to get what you want out of it. Yes. Things that you mix things up with.

35:13 Drew But I want to name it. Give us a specific time and date. What was the last time and what did you use?

35:18 Right. The last time was a wisp about two hours ago.

35:22 Drew A wisp.

35:23 What's a wisp?

35:24 Adam That's a wisk.

35:25 It's a wisk.

35:25 Adam It's the thing you use to make, like, beat eggs.

35:28 Yeah.

35:28 Drew Whoa. Wait, do you use it, you mean you insert it or you just use it to, like, rub?

35:33 Adam This is the handle part.

35:35 No, actually insert it, twist it.

35:38 Eric Balfour No, here's the deal. Here's the deal. Now, did somebody, did somebody when you were very, very young do some weird insertions on you?

35:46 No.

35:48 Eric Balfour Do you know that?

35:49 Adam What's wrong with you? You sound horribly depressed.

35:52 Caller No, I'm not depressed.

35:53 That's just like my, that's what gets me off.

35:56 Adam All right. I know, I, I.

35:58 Eric Balfour Listen, you know, Adam, you know how people work, that's traumatizing stuff in childhood becomes what's sexual in young adulthood.

36:03 Adam And then they keep going back to it. So let me just try to get to the bottom of this. Where's your dad?

36:08 Caller My dad's dead.

36:10 Adam What happened?

36:11 He died in a car accident.

36:13 Adam Oh, we got a little theme going tonight. What, how long ago did that happen?

36:18 Caller Three years ago.

36:20 Adam That's pretty traumatizing when you're 15, right?

36:23 Caller Yes, it is.

36:24 Adam Was he living, was he living with you at the time?

36:27 Caller Yeah, he lived with me and my mom.

36:29 Adam So your parents were married?

36:31 Caller Yeah.

36:32 Adam And would you say happily married?

36:34 Caller No, not at all. All right.

36:35 Adam Was your dad abusive or an alcoholic?

36:38 Caller He was an alcoholic, yes.

36:39 Caller Okay. All right.

36:40 Adam And did that contribute to the accident?

36:43 Caller Yes, he was driving drunk. All right.

36:46 Adam So now you have these horrible mixed feelings because you know what? There's a part of you that probably wished your dad was gone. Yes, many times when you're hearing these horrible arguments he's had with your mom going through the paper thin doors of the Grampy apartment. What did dad do? What did dad do to you?

37:03 Caller He didn't do anything.

37:05 Adam He never physically abused you?

37:07 Eric Balfour No, who did then?

37:09 Adam Who sexually abused you?

37:09 Drew Something's going on because it's a strange lineage though. I mean, I get that there's something going on in the past, but to go from that to then...

37:16 Eric Balfour Well, she's making his ringer like a bar.

37:18 Adam Yeah.

37:19 Drew I mean, you've never had any sexual contact with a man or a woman?

37:22 Caller I tried, but it just doesn't work.

37:25 Drew Doesn't work at all.

37:26 Adam How much do you weigh?

37:28 Caller 125.

37:29 Adam All right. So please tell us who sexually abused you. Babysitter?

37:33 Family member?

37:34 Caller No. No one has.

37:35 Adam Are you a virgin?

37:37 Caller Yes.

37:38 Okay.

37:39 Adam And your dad never physically abused you?

37:41 Caller No.

37:41 Eric Balfour Is there another chaos in the home right now? No.

37:45 Caller I live by myself right now.

37:46 Eric Balfour You do?

37:48 Adam Why do you live by yourself?

37:50 Caller I just like to be alone.

37:52 Eric Balfour There's some heavy stuff going on here.

37:54 Adam Wait a minute. Hold on a second.

37:56 Drew Do you use drugs at all?

37:57 Adam Hold on a second. Let's try to break this down. Let's try to figure this out.

38:00 Drew She's depressed.

38:00 Adam She's definitely depressed. Her dad died. Dax. Her dad. That's the voice of her dad. Take the blender out of your crotch. OK. Her father died. Her dad was an alcoholic. No sexual abuse, no physical abuse.

38:17 Eric Balfour Parents abusing each other.

38:19 Adam Horrible abuse, at least between the parents at home. She moved out of there.

38:24 Eric Balfour All right.

38:24 Adam What about mom? What was up with mom?

38:27 Caller Something good.

38:29 Adam Tiffany, what about mom?

38:32 Caller My mom, I don't really know her that much. She was gone working half of the time.

38:37 Drew Do you have a relationship with her at all?

38:39 Caller No, not really.

38:41 Adam And what do you do for work? What do you do for work?

38:43 Caller I work at Pizza Hut.

38:45 Eric Balfour All right. Brothers and sisters?

38:48 Caller Two brothers.

38:49 How are they?

38:51 Caller They're kind of twisted in the head.

38:52 Caller And she doesn't use a slicer in Pizza Hut, does she? Yeah. All right.

38:56 Drew So what happened with your brothers?

38:58 Eric Balfour How dare you?

39:00 Caller Well, they were molested when they were littler.

39:03 Eric Balfour All right. Listen, you were molested. You don't remember it. I'm declaring this. I'm declaring that's what happened to you. Somebody did something weird to you. I virtually guarantee it. That's what this is.

39:13 Adam Who molested your brothers?

39:14 Eric Balfour My dad. Oh, please. Of course he got to you. Of course he got to you.

39:19 Adam First off, hold on a second. I'm not a, nor I'm not a religious man. I'm normally an atheist, but thank you, God Almighty, that you put this guy in the ground. It is so awesome that your dad is dead. I feel that in my deepest hearts of hearts. Everyone does that thing where every life is sacred. No, you molest your two sons. You go out drinking and driving. You get put in the ground. Awesome. That's exactly the way the world should be. It would have been great if Hitler was killed with a pencil when he was five. Through the eye socket. It would have been awesome. Awesome.

39:55 Drew Or if his dad who abused him had been killed.

39:57 Adam Or at least after he molested him had been killed. That's right. Right. Here's the whole thing. All this stuff is great. So I'm glad your dad is dead. And Tiffany, we now know he did something to you. We thought he did something to you for the first, what felt like 45 minutes of this phone call. We now know he did. Tiffany, you're a mess. You're depressed and you're a mess. Now, here's the deal. You are going to have a horrible life. Horrible unless you help yourself. And you, pouting around and shoving. You are gonna have to A, not get pregnant. Please do not get pregnant. A, B, C, and D, do not get pregnant. Also, I think you need, I know you don't have any money. I know, I think you need to get in like a 12-step program. I think she needs to throw herself on Al-Anon or Alateen.

40:48 Drew Are you using drugs at all?

40:50 Caller No.

40:50 Drew You don't do drugs at all?

40:51 Caller No, I have in the past.

40:53 Drew You have in the past.

40:54 Adam Go to Alateen. How about that?

40:56 Caller All right.

40:57 Adam Go get some help, Tiffany. There's nothing wrong with you. You just got abused.

41:02 Caller Okay.

41:02 Adam Now you have to help yourself like everyone else who got abused and calls a show. Unfortunately, your mom's not there for you. Your dad, thank Christ, is in the ground. And now you're smart, you're independent, you're 18, you're an adult. It's time to take care of yourself.

41:17 Drew And there's definitely people who are out there and willing to help you.

41:19 Adam Absolutely.

41:21 Drew Go to Al-Anon, go to Narconon, go to wherever you want to go.

41:24 Adam Go to Alateen. Just go somewhere and talk to a whole bunch of other people that have gone through exactly what you've gone through. Some worse, by the way. All right. Do we have to take a break? Where are we? Oh, I think it's break time. Eric Balfour is here tonight. Sex, Love, and Secrets. Name his show. 9 p.m. UPN. Tuesday Nights. Denise Richards also in that. Also, she plays the young Wee below, who's gonna be a pedophile starring Eric as well. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

41:59 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline in just a minute or two. Call 1-800-LOVE-191.

42:12 Adam Yeah, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That's Dr. Drew. Calling from Pittsburgh tonight. Why? Because someone dropped a nickel. Eric Balfour is our guest tonight. Sex, Love and Secrets is the name of his show, UPN. Nine o'clock, Tuesday nights. I'll give a little plug on my show too. Too late with Adam Carolla on Comedy Central. Every night on midnight. And got my TLC show coming up this Tuesday, 10 o'clock.

42:38 Eric Balfour Oh, that starts at 10. Is that Tuesday?

42:40 Adam 10 o'clock this Tuesday. All right.

42:42 Eric Balfour Oh, wait, wait.

42:43 Drew They can watch my show, then your show.

42:44 Adam Oh, perfect.

42:45 Drew Oh, perfect.

42:46 Eric Balfour I want to meet you again.

42:48 Adam Yeah.

42:48 Eric Balfour Adam at the Rose Bowl on Saturday.

42:50 Adam Oh, you do. Yes. OK. I'm going to the UCLA game. Yes, we can. But Drew, you must drink a beer. Do you understand?

42:59 Eric Balfour God, no.

43:00 Adam You must drink a beer. Here's the deal.

43:02 Caller I'm back.

43:03 Drew Does non-alcoholic count?

43:05 Adam I'm doing none of that LA crap. I'm doing the coin toss at the UCLA game on Saturday and they're playing, I don't know, Oregon or something. Yeah.

43:15 Caller No.

43:17 Adam I'll figure out. Washington. Washington. So that'll be awesome. Drew lives right by the word as well. Yes, we'll work that out, Drew.

43:24 Eric Balfour All right.

43:24 Adam Let's take a phone call. Let's play a little Germany or Florida, shall we?

43:27 Eric Balfour Before you do, before you do, again, last chance to get the iPod Nano when we play the song Twisted Transistor by Korn in our bumper music out of commercial. Be the first person to get through on Loveline and say iPod Nano to the screener. You'll win the Nano and a gift certificate from iTunes for 10 free downloads. You got to be 18 years of age or older.

43:44 Caller Oh, we were about to clap for you.

43:48 Drew We had our hands up in the air ready to clap.

43:51 Adam You know what we were? We were like proud gay parents watching our son on the ice.

43:55 Drew No, he's fantastic.

43:56 Adam He almost completed his routine.

43:59 Drew He read it and it was great.

44:00 Adam We were about ready to stand up and applaud and he hit the ice in the last ten seconds.

44:05 Drew No, it was perfect up until the last little ass plunge you did. No, I don't know.

44:09 Adam William? Yeah, hello? Yeah, 22.

44:13 Drew Hello, William. How are you?

44:14 Adam Little Germany or Florida?

44:16 Caller Yeah, I got a little Germany or Florida. It's a show that I read now. Okay, a family admiring the view from a fairground fairsville at the local fair got more than they bargained for when a porn shoot suddenly began inside their cabin, authorities said on Friday. I'm sorry?

44:33 Eric Balfour I didn't hear that.

44:34 Caller What?

44:34 Adam They were admiring the view from a ferris wheel?

44:37 Caller Yes, at the local fair and they got more than they bargained for when a porn shoot suddenly began inside their cabin.

44:43 Adam A porn, Drew, porn. Pornography. It's when adults have sex and they film it.

44:48 Eric Balfour A porn shoot. I see it. They were shooting pornography guys.

44:50 Adam That's what they call it. Yeah, in the industry, Drew.

44:53 Eric Balfour Okay.

44:54 Caller Wow. It goes on to say, having settled down to Joy, having settled down to Joy, a leisurely spin wheel, the fair patrons were quite unprepared for the arrival of two men toting cameras and a woman who started to use a vibrator.

45:10 Drew Wait, they were toting the woman as well?

45:12 Caller Well, it said they were toting the camera, but I...

45:14 Eric Balfour Germany, Germany, whatever, Germany.

45:16 Adam Hold on a second. Now, he said cabin.

45:19 Eric Balfour I know, that doesn't exist. The ferris wheel. Yes, right.

45:22 Adam You mean one of those big ones like they have in England where multiple people climb into the thing?

45:27 Eric Balfour Like they don't have in Florida.

45:29 Adam Like they don't have in Florida, yeah. So if it's a ferris wheel and there was a cabin in the ferris wheel, it must have taken place in Germany.

45:36 Eric Balfour And if they had something that was closed, they wouldn't call it a cabin in Florida.

45:40 Drew It'd be a cottage.

45:41 Adam Yeah, I thought they were watching a cabin from the top of the ferris wheel.

45:46 Eric Balfour That's what I thought at first too.

45:48 Adam All right. So, William, this took place in the same on the ferris wheel. This porn movie.

45:55 Caller It seems to be.

45:55 Adam Yeah, they are. OK, we're all going Germany. We're going Germany.

46:00 Caller OK, yeah. And it was Germany. Yeah, of course.

46:04 Adam Yes, thank you. That was weak.

46:06 Caller I think there are some.

46:08 Adam No, no, no, no, please.

46:10 Drew They're not cabins in Germany.

46:12 Adam They don't call ferris wheel seats cabins in the United States. Yeah, they're ass holders.

46:18 Caller All right, let's take a little break.

46:20 Adam Eric Balfour here tonight. Sex, Love and Secrets, UPN, Tuesday Nights, nine o'clock, Denise Richards also in there. Don't don't forget, I discovered her. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. This is Dr. Drew. He's in Pittsburgh. Well, you know why. Eric Balfour's here tonight. Sex, Love, and Secrets on UPN Tuesday nights. Nine o'clock, Denise Richards in that as well. Premiered, oh, just yesterday.

47:30 Caller Oh, day before yesterday.

47:31 Drew Super hottie.

47:32 Caller Yeah.

47:33 Drew Denise Richards, super hottie.

47:34 Adam Yeah, she is, she really is. Really, she got all, seems nice, too.

47:39 Drew She's the sweetest, sweetest girl.

47:41 Eric Balfour So cool.

47:42 Drew Yeah. Come down to the set and meet her.

47:45 Eric Balfour Uh-oh, no, no, Eric, Eric, please.

47:47 Drew What? Am I causing problems?

47:49 Adam I discovered her.

47:50 Drew No, no, no, no.

47:50 Adam I discovered her.

47:51 Drew He has a right. He discovered her. She would be, I think she would be honored to finally.

47:55 Eric Balfour Yeah, but he may make claims of that right.

47:57 Drew That's okay. She, you know, she's, she's, you know, she's a midwesterner. She's polite that way.

48:01 Adam Where, where is she from?

48:03 Drew The Midwest.

48:04 Caller I know, but where?

48:06 Caller I don't know.

48:07 Eric Balfour Look it up, where is Denise Richards from?

48:09 Adam I'm gonna find out what she does. Oh, by the way, that movie we're talking about with Ray Liotta about an hour ago was called No Escape, 1994, an island movie, Prisoners on an Island. Yes. I like when they do those radical things, but it's not too far in the future. It's like the years, 2019, New York City's been turned into a maximum security prison.

48:31 Drew Right.

48:32 Adam It's like, really think in the next seven or eight years, that's going to happen.

48:35 Drew And cars are flying already, finally. Right. Finally. Yeah. They haven't figured out pollution, but cars are flying.

48:41 Adam Yeah. I would really like to go back and take a look at so many of those movies that were made in the 70s, where it did that things like, the year, 1989. Man, it's colonized Mars. You know, it's like, what?

48:53 Drew Well, when was like Escape from New York supposed to be?

48:56 Adam That would have been like 2004, 2011 or something like that.

49:00 Drew It's like around the corner.

49:01 Adam Well, here's the whole thing, Drew and I always discuss is, when you were making movies in the 70s and the 80s, the year 2000 didn't seem like 12 years away. It seemed like 2012 years away. That was the whole thing. You're making a movie in 1989 and you're like, the year is 2002. Men and women have become one to create an androgynous form. It's like, hello, that's 13 years from now.

49:29 Drew Well, come on, the movie was called 2001, Space Odyssey.

49:33 Eric Balfour The other thing, though, is there was a profound narcissism back then where no one was ever going to get old, time was never going to pass, and if time did pass, it would be into this glorious, bizarre future.

49:43 Drew Cocaine was a great drug, huh?

49:46 Adam Logan's run probably was supposed to have taken place in 1989 or something.

49:51 Eric Balfour Soylent Green.

49:52 Drew Right after Bobby Brown went solo.

49:54 Adam Soylent Green. All right, let's talk to Megan, who's 17. Megan.

50:01 Eric Balfour Hi.

50:02 Drew Hi, Megan.

50:03 Adam What's up, baby doll?

50:05 Eric Balfour About a year and a half ago, I was raped and nobody believed me, and all my best friends turned on me and stuff. And now I kind of want it to happen again, but to be able to have proof of it so everybody can act like they actually care.

50:24 Adam Yeah, we take it. That's because your camera phone this time.

50:26 Drew That's because you were invalidated, sweetheart.

50:29 Adam Something happened. But here's that part I never get, which I always think is BS. You know, I was raped. No one believes me. All my friends turned on me.

50:38 Eric Balfour How does that work for them?

50:40 Adam Yeah, you say to your friends, I think I was raped and like a liar. Forget you. And they leave. And that how it works.

50:46 Eric Balfour That's pretty much what happened.

50:49 Adam No, that's it. Well, that's that's how you feel. Every time you are in contact with somebody.

50:53 Eric Balfour That's not how it happened.

50:55 Eric Balfour Well, actually, to me, they acted like, you know, oh, we love you and we'll go to the cops with you. But then they told my boyfriend at the time that they were there supposedly. And they knew I was lying and that I just cheated on him.

51:09 Adam Well, tell us the story.

51:11 Eric Balfour Tell us the story. Me and a couple of my friends were out kind of in the country and I needed a ride home. And this guy said that he would give me a ride or his friend would give me a ride. And so we went.

51:24 Eric Balfour Who were these guys?

51:25 Eric Balfour Huh?

51:26 Eric Balfour Who were these guys?

51:28 Eric Balfour Some of my boyfriend's friends and my best friend's boyfriend's friends. Like, I didn't really know him that well, but.

51:36 Eric Balfour What were you doing out in the country with these guys?

51:38 Eric Balfour Parking.

51:40 Adam Well, hold on. Why were you partying with a bunch of guys you didn't know very well?

51:45 Eric Balfour I was with my best friend and it was at her boyfriend's house.

51:48 Eric Balfour Let me put it all together here. Indeed, she was raped, but she was sexually abused growing up. And Adam, you know how victims behave when they are. They lay themselves out there for victimizers, put themselves in situations where it doesn't. It seems like they're encouraging the victimization, but they become great victims. So I would predict that in this situation.

52:08 Drew It's a condition of apathy, when you're in an apathetic state and you're feeling like you're constantly in effect of everything else going on around you, you allow that.

52:17 Eric Balfour Well, no, they actually seek it out. They actually, first of all, they wear signs on them that says victimize me, and victimizers can sense it.

52:24 Drew Almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

52:26 Adam Yes, but let's not jump the gun just yet. Make sure. Were you abused in the past? Yeah. All right, well, there it is. This is, by the way, my sort of Kobe Bryant theory, which is, okay, let's just go over the beats just so everyone can understand it and doesn't think we're just being cruel or piling on. When you get sexually abused when you're younger, as a woman, guys do their own thing. They just become predators later on, or they go gay to one or the other. Not usually both, but anyway. Women then end up getting victimized again and again and again. Now they put themselves in dangerous situations with people who are capable of this. They're attracted to it like a moth to the flame. Not that the flame is good for the moth, but still get a powerful attraction. Usually you start scratching beneath the surface and it's like, well, what do you mean you were raped in the middle of a party? Well, we were in it. Well, why didn't you just yell for help or kick the guy off you? I froze. I told him to stop.

53:32 Eric Balfour Which is in fact the case that people who have been sexually abused as children get what's called a freeze response. It's a death feigning behavior, primitive death feigning behavior that now becomes ingrained in them. So when they're in these situations, they do freeze.

53:45 Drew Right. It's a re-stimulation of an earlier past event.

53:48 Adam Yes, it is. And so what ends up happening is the guy, in the guy's mind, he didn't rape anybody. He got drunk with some chick and they went at it. In her mind, every physical contact goes away, goes down, is rape. Some of it is rape, some of it isn't rape, and then some of it is just that weird gray area.

54:09 Drew And we're not in any way trying to invalidate what you're saying.

54:12 Eric Balfour No, she was raped. She was raped. But also then she feels victimized by her friends, victimized by her parents. Everyone's victimizing her all the time. That's the feeling.

54:21 Adam All right.

54:21 Drew Have you done anything to try to kind of take responsibility for what you're going to do to help yourself now?

54:27 Eric Balfour Not really. I don't think like anything would ever be able to help.

54:32 Adam Who sexually abused you when you were growing up?

54:34 Eric Balfour My best friend's dad.

54:38 Adam How old were you?

54:40 Eric Balfour Five or six.

54:41 Adam Did he ever go to prison?

54:43 Eric Balfour Yeah. Well, I don't know if he ever actually went to jail. I know he was on America's Most Wanted, though.

54:48 Eric Balfour Oh, my God.

54:48 Adam Awesome.

54:50 Eric Balfour But then he took off. I don't really know.

54:53 Eric Balfour I'm worried now about your parents for letting you go to that house.

54:55 Adam Yeah. What about your parents?

54:57 Eric Balfour Well, he did it to my friend and her sister and all of her sister's friends. And I guess tapes were found of him doing it to the other girls.

55:05 Eric Balfour Oh, my God.

55:07 Eric Balfour But my parents never believed that it happened to me.

55:11 Adam Meanwhile, this guy's doing yard work at Drew's house, right?

55:15 Eric Balfour Yeah.

55:17 Drew The reason your parents don't want to believe that it happened is because it's hard for them to know that they couldn't.

55:24 Eric Balfour No, no. The reason is, here's the reason. I'm going to play car neck again to fill the rest of this in. Her mom was sexually abused and the fact that she let her child go into that situation and that happened to her daughter is too overwhelming to go near.

55:36 Drew Right. Yeah.

55:38 Adam What do you think, Megan?

55:39 Eric Balfour I don't know.

55:40 Adam What about do you see your grandparents?

55:43 Eric Balfour No. My grandpa is in jail. My other one is dead.

55:46 Eric Balfour For sexual abusing her. The mom.

55:49 Adam What's grandpa in jail for?

55:51 Eric Balfour I think something. I knew it had something to do with two girls.

55:56 Eric Balfour You see? Thank you.

56:00 Drew Thank you.

56:01 Adam You kidnapped some girl.

56:02 Drew Oh my God. Megan, there's definitely people out there who can help you and you can definitely do something to help yourself with this situation. It's not hopeless.

56:09 Eric Balfour So put it in context though, Megan, your mom can't acknowledge this. She's incapable of it. It's too overwhelming for her. You're not going to be able to look to your parents to get what you need.

56:23 Adam God knows what her dad is.

56:25 Eric Balfour Right. Of course. And then the other thing is your friends, they're 19 or whatever. There's no way they can understand what's going on here. You can't expect them to put this in the context either. Get professional help, Megan. It's the only thing you can do for yourself right now.

56:40 Adam Get help and do not get pregnant. Do you understand me?

56:44 Eric Balfour I have a three month old baby right now.

56:49 Adam Please put it in that wicker basket and throw it in the Nile. Would you please?

56:53 Eric Balfour He'll be the king of Egypt in no time.

56:56 Adam Is it a boy?

56:57 Caller Yeah.

56:59 Drew Yeah, Megan, don't pass on what happened to you to that kid. Go get some help. Get better somehow. There's people who can help you.

57:06 Adam Okay, would you give the kid up for adoption? It's too late. Let somebody three months. Let somebody say and raise the kid. Huh?

57:14 Eric Balfour The guy I'm with, we're in love and we want to keep him.

57:19 Adam Oh, Dax.

57:21 Drew Are you able to take care of this child financially?

57:23 Eric Balfour Yeah, I've been really good so far, I think.

57:25 Eric Balfour We need the Cub Scout handbook.

57:27 Eric Balfour I've quit all my drugs and...

57:30 Adam Okay, awesome. 12 step, 12 step. The kid's three months old?

57:33 Eric Balfour Yeah.

57:34 Adam Okay, let me just go on a minor jag here. If I want to put an addition on top of my garage, I have to go down to City Hall and suck off every single guy who has a dork. And when I'm done topping off with semen, then I can pull out my checkbook and write a check for about five grand. And then if they grace me with their appearance three months later, a guy with a tape measure on his belt is going to come by every other day and tell me every goddamn thing I can do at my own house before, you know, he's going to tell me whether the foundation is ready to go. He's going to tell me when I can put the stucco paper on it. He's going to tell me how the scratch coat is going. He's going to tell me how the brown coat is going. I'm going to have to wait for him before I put the drywall mud on because he has to inspect the nailing on the drywall. That takes permits, that takes work, that takes money, and not just anybody can just go around and start building on their house willy-nilly. But if you're 17 and you're victim of abuse, and you're hooked on drugs, and you have an a-hole abusive boyfriend, you can crap out a kid and do, hey, you know what? Do your best raising him. And don't worry. Society will jump in and pick up the tab later on when the kid goes AWOL.

58:51 Drew Would you ever have thought that Keanu Reeves would have had one of the most prolific statements of all time from that movie Parenthood? Remember, any A-hole can get a fishing, you know, can, you know, you have to get a license to go fishing, a license to drive a bus, but any A-hole can have a kid.

59:04 Adam Right.

59:05 Drew Never thought it would come out of Keanu Reeves.

59:06 Adam Well, he didn't write it, so I figured it might come out of it. But no, he didn't sing it. Yeah.

59:13 Drew It's, you know, it is.

59:15 Adam It is so goddamn pathetic that people like Megan and Anne, here's the scary part, too, has a son.

59:22 Drew Right.

59:23 Adam Now, the problem is, if he has a daughter, well, that's just one more stripper to bachelor party. That's fine. It's one more victim. But the son, he can do damage.

59:31 Drew He can be a predator. Is it true? Drew might actually know this better than Keanu. Yeah, exactly.

59:37 Adam Right.

59:38 Drew But is it true that every woman who is pregnant, if want to, if she gave up that child for adoption before it was born, it would be adopted into a family? And is that true that every child in America is so absolutely absolutely?

59:52 Eric Balfour OK. Oh, oh, my goodness. I actually I heard that man.

59:55 Drew OK, I wasn't sure because I heard that statement and that sounded, you know, sounded pretty incredible to me. So you're saying every mother who was pregnant and says, when the baby's born, I'm going to give it up for adoption. Every one of those children find the home.

1:00:07 Eric Balfour Listen, people are going by the hundreds of thousands to China because there aren't enough here.

1:00:12 Drew Well, there you go. Come on, everybody.

1:00:14 Adam And here's here. Here's the thing, too. And you mean everyone is currently pregnant now or just everyone who was thinking about everyone was thinking about it?

1:00:21 Drew Every woman who says, I'm going to give up my baby for adoption. Especially whitey.

1:00:25 Adam You got a white kid, pow. He goes in the first round.

1:00:28 Drew Even if it's got like one of the little short legs and has to wear the special shoe?

1:00:31 Adam No problem. All right. No problem. White kid. He goes in the first round. Yeah, that's how it goes. Yeah, she could give this kid up and go in seconds, even at three months. Who cares? And also, here's the deal. It's 17, not allowed to buy liquor, not allowed to vote, not allowed to enlist in the armed services. You're 17. You're a minor. You understand?

1:00:56 Drew Drew, all of those so far sound like attributes for that child.

1:00:59 Adam Yeah, it'd be awesome if she drank and joined the service.

1:01:02 Drew So far, she's doing all right if she can't drink or join the army.

1:01:05 Adam Point is, is there's a whole bunch of stuff you cannot do because you're not an adult yet, but you can rear a child. You can raise a kid. That's not abuse.

1:01:17 Drew Welcome to the Bush League.

1:01:18 Adam Oh, my God. No child left behind. What the F does that even mean, these retarded platitudes that these pussy politicians crap out? They mean nothing. Nobody says anything. You want to cure whatever ill's this society? Let's get the Megans of the world on Norplant. Let's find them. Let's get to them. Let's put something in their arm and let's not let them get pregnant because they're unhealthy. They're unfit. They can't raise a healthy child because they're not healthy. Please. You know what, Drew? Here's the deal. When you're on Accutane, when you're on Accutane, they put you on birth control.

1:01:56 Eric Balfour They make a big deal out of it.

1:01:58 Adam They make a huge deal out of it. Why? Because if you're on Accutane and you get pregnant, you will give birth to a defective child. If you were molested and ritualistically abused your whole life, you are going to give birth to a defective child. Believe you me.

1:02:13 Eric Balfour If you haven't gotten help, if you haven't gotten help and dealt with it. You're going to find a victimizing partner to defectify your child. Right.

1:02:21 Adam Right. Nobody wants to talk about it. Nobody gets the correlation. Nobody has done this math. And as far as I'm concerned, shouldn't politicians be focusing on this? Why do we just focus on the aftermath? Oh, we'll build more prisons. Oh, we'll have more detox centers. Oh, we'll have more this. We'll build more that.

1:02:41 Drew Any of them were saying, we'll build more detox centers.

1:02:43 Adam Well, what I mean is more prisons, more money allocated for these people that are of need, more money for services and job training, or more whatever. We need money to correct the problems that affect society, but not the steady supply of people who need it.

1:03:02 Drew Right. Well, it's never an issue of fixing the problem before it happens. It's always a question of damage control.

1:03:11 Adam Right. That's all it is. Let's wait till the levy breaks and then we'll come in. Let's not fortify the levy before the storm hits.

1:03:18 Drew But only after my massage and golf run and birthday party.

1:03:23 Adam Damn fat cats. Let me tell you something. When I'm in charge, I'm going to send a message to the fat cats in Washington.

1:03:28 Drew Dude, let's get Warren Beatty to run for governor. Let's get Warren Beatty and then we get him in the office.

1:03:32 Adam He's going to be awesome.

1:03:33 Drew Dude, he'll be, you know, up there smoking blunts.

1:03:36 Adam He's not banging a 14 year old. He is going to be awesome. Awesome. Yeah, here's my plan. I want to grow huge facial hair. I want a guy with huge beard, huge beard.

1:03:49 Eric Balfour Burnside.

1:03:50 Adam Burnside, General Burnside. All I'm going to do is every time I do a speech, I'm just going to yell, I'm going to send a fat cat. I'm going to send a message to the fat cats in Washington. Everyone's just going to cheer and that'll be it. I'll never tell anyone what I'm going to do other than send a message to these people. And I spin it this way too. A vote for me is a message sent to the fat cats in Washington that we're not going to take it anymore. And everyone just erupts. Huge beard. No one even knows.

1:04:21 Caller This town needs an animal.

1:04:23 Adam No one knows if I'm Republican or Democrat. They don't know where I'm from. Adi? O-D-B? 29?

1:04:32 Hello?

1:04:33 Adam Hello. Oh, boy. How do you say your name?

1:04:36 Oh, my name is OT.

1:04:38 Adam OT.

1:04:39 Yes. I have a question and I've never been sexually abused or anything like that. But I have we've been together for 12 years. And when I blow him and I love to do it every night.

1:04:56 Adam Every night?

1:04:57 Drew You're a good American.

1:04:59 Love it. I love to follow his stuff.

1:05:01 Eric Balfour All right.

1:05:02 Drew All right. All right.

1:05:03 OK, because. OK.

1:05:05 Eric Balfour Yeah.

1:05:05 Drew You know, just so you know, it's two men sitting in a room alone together. This really isn't doing it for us. But go on.

1:05:12 OK. After I do it, he doesn't want to kiss me. Is there a problem with me or him?

1:05:21 Caller Oh, do you do it really?

1:05:23 Adam You're twenty nine years of age. This is really your question.

1:05:26 Yes. I've been just doesn't what the hell is going on?

1:05:29 Drew Because, you know, he doesn't want his own sperm coming back in his mouth. It's as simple as that. Go have a have a little cup of mouthwash next to the bed. Rinse your mouth and you'll be just fine. Ask him if that's OK. It'll solve all your problems.

1:05:41 Adam No one wants to kiss after they ejaculate.

1:05:44 What's the big deal?

1:05:45 Adam Why? We're done. That's why.

1:05:47 Go brush next to the.

1:05:48 Adam All right. Listen.

1:05:49 Caller Oh, my God.

1:05:52 Adam It seems so simple.

1:05:54 Eric Balfour I feel like I've been dropped out of the sky into some foreign land.

1:05:57 Adam Doesn't Odie sound like almost like like if if if if an animal could talk?

1:06:03 Caller Yes.

1:06:03 Eric Balfour You know what I mean?

1:06:04 Adam This is what it would sound like.

1:06:05 Drew How come? How come when I wipe my ass with my hand, nobody will shake it? Why is that? Explain this to me, brother.

1:06:12 Adam Odie, I really feel like if my dog could talk before, you know, a huge laundry list of, you know, things, things that you didn't want me to do anymore, at the top of the list would be masturbating in front of it. But but it would sound like Odie.

1:06:26 Drew Kiss me.

1:06:27 Caller I know I don't lick my own ass, but will you kiss me? Please kiss me.

1:06:30 Adam Odie.

1:06:32 Caller Oh, my God. You guys are weird.

1:06:34 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:06:35 Caller What do you do?

1:06:35 Adam We're the weird ones. What do you do for a living?

1:06:38 Caller I own my own business.

1:06:41 Caller All right.

1:06:41 Adam What kind of business is that?

1:06:42 Caller A restaurant.

1:06:44 Caller Really?

1:06:44 Caller And that's what I was I was talking about. You guys talk about so much rape and this and that.

1:06:53 Drew You don't want you. You want to have a little fun?

1:06:55 Caller No, I think this is like love and sex.

1:07:00 Drew Well, no, that's the name of my show.

1:07:02 Adam Yeah.

1:07:02 Drew Name of my show is Sex, Love and Secrets.

1:07:05 Eric Balfour I'm a rapist.

1:07:06 Adam Drew, please. Tuesday nights, nine o'clock UPN. I'm guessing.

1:07:09 Drew Thank you for that was a perfect segue.

1:07:12 Adam I'm guessing you serve French cuisine at the restaurant.

1:07:17 Drew Oh, wait, I'm going to take a crack at this.

1:07:18 Adam I can't believe it's not French.

1:07:20 Drew Is it Argentinian?

1:07:21 Caller Argentinian?

1:07:23 Eric Balfour Kosher.

1:07:24 Adam Yeah, kosher. Jewish Adelie kosher kosher.

1:07:27 Drew Those turkey hot dogs from the kosher delas are awesome.

1:07:30 Adam A tongue sandwich to die for.

1:07:32 Caller Yeah, you wish.

1:07:34 Drew Korean barbecue.

1:07:35 Caller Bye.

1:07:36 Caller Hold on. Oh, she.

1:07:37 Adam Wow.

1:07:39 Caller She hung up on us.

1:07:44 Adam Odie sounded like a delight, didn't she?

1:07:46 Drew Could you imagine? While she's still got it in her mouth, she's going, Kiffry, no, taste it. Don't you want to taste it?

1:07:53 Adam Well, OK, let's just see if we can break this down.

1:07:56 Drew Have you ever had a girl do that to you? I had one try once. I had one. She had it. And she like I was on my back and she tried to put it in my mouth.

1:08:04 Eric Balfour Oh, my God.

1:08:05 Drew I couldn't believe it.

1:08:06 Adam No, I would.

1:08:07 Drew That was I don't remember her name anymore because I blocked her out.

1:08:10 Eric Balfour That's that's aggressive, angry. Like, I'll show you.

1:08:14 Drew Yeah. I was she thought it was so funny. I'm like, you know what? It's going to be really funny when I when I have you on your toothbrush.

1:08:21 Adam The other you know, the other thing too is, is it's not that we don't want to kiss you because there's some of our seed in your mouth.

1:08:28 Drew Although that's exactly why.

1:08:30 Adam No, that's part of it. The other part is, is I don't like smooching after the orgasm. I'm done. I'm done with the smooching part.

1:08:38 Eric Balfour Beware the female who tries to pass you your own seed.

1:08:44 Adam OK, we got to take a break, but let's break Odie down for just one second.

1:08:49 Eric Balfour Oh, it's a waste of time.

1:08:50 Adam Not not sexually abused, but sort of angry that we're talking about it and angry in general.

1:08:56 Drew I would go so far as to say she's probably a violent masturbator.

1:08:59 Eric Balfour Physically abused.

1:09:00 Adam She was physically abused, right, Drew? Yeah, she was angry and she needs her man's seed every night. Something.

1:09:10 Drew It's a form of addiction. It's almost like vampirism, but yeah, semenism.

1:09:16 Caller It's called succupus.

1:09:17 Eric Balfour It's called oral aggression. It's a little aggressive.

1:09:20 Adam Please find me one of them.

1:09:22 Drew Let's take ourselves a little break. She like beats the back of her throat with it and her tonsils are raw. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:09:26 Eric Balfour Okay.

1:09:27 Adam Eric Balfour here tonight.

1:09:28 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:09:29 Adam 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:09:36 Eric Balfour I feel so liquidy.

1:09:38 Adam Really? Love Line will be right back. Yeah, Loveline, everybody. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Eric Balfour is here tonight. He's got himself a little show on UPN. Sorry. Tuesday night, it's nine o'clock. Sex, Love and Secrets. We have a phone call to take. Dr. Drew is in Pittsburgh tonight. Also, I think that may have been our iPod song.

1:10:19 Eric Balfour Yes, I believe so. We'll find out when.

1:10:21 Drew That sounded like a corn song.

1:10:22 Adam Well, Drew is a ravenous corn fan.

1:10:26 Drew I didn't hear Jonathan Davies' voice, so I don't know for sure, but it sure sounded like corn.

1:10:29 Adam I think I heard a bagpipe. Here's why the bagpipes are a great instrument to play. Nobody knows you're playing it badly.

1:10:38 Drew Yes, it's true.

1:10:39 Adam Like, if you're playing-

1:10:40 Eric Balfour And it's not an accordion.

1:10:42 Adam If you play the piano or you play the violin, people know immediately when you suck. But if you play the bagpipes, no one really knows if you suck and everyone's scared to say anything.

1:10:51 Drew Right, and it's just kind of cool.

1:10:53 Adam Yeah, it's just cool.

1:10:54 Drew Bagpipes always make you feel like ready to rival up and, you know-

1:10:57 Adam Yeah, rise up and fight with Mel Gibson. 1-800-LOVE-191 is the phone number. Franklin is 18. He's been on hold for 70 minutes.

1:11:08 Drew What's going on, Franklin? Way to stick it in there.

1:11:10 Caller It's not much. It's so cool to finally talk to you guys and listen to you all the time.

1:11:13 Adam Thanks. What's up?

1:11:15 Caller Well, for the past two weeks, or about a week or so, maybe two, but every time I masturbate or something and I come into orgasm, it feels like nothing is really going on at all, but I still ejaculate and there can be tons, there can be little, but I don't get the intensity, I don't get anything really like it's an orgasm at all.

1:11:38 Eric Balfour Are you on medication?

1:11:40 Caller No, and that's kind of, I have been on antidepressants before and that totally sucked, it made me depressed because I couldn't get off.

1:11:47 Eric Balfour When were you last on them?

1:11:48 Caller I'm not on any medications right now.

1:11:50 Eric Balfour When were you last on them?

1:11:52 Caller Like a year and a half, two years ago.

1:11:54 Eric Balfour When did this problem start?

1:11:56 Caller About a week and a half or two weeks ago is when I noticed, so I don't think it started before then.

1:12:01 Eric Balfour How often are you ejaculating?

1:12:04 Caller Maybe, it's been a while between each session because I'm moving or pretty stressed out with the work.

1:12:12 Adam Moving?

1:12:13 Caller You're 18.

1:12:15 Caller Yeah.

1:12:15 Adam Moving? I could have my foot caught in a bear trap when I was 18 and still squeeze average three a day. Low on fluids.

1:12:23 Drew Yeah, that is weird because I was going to say, my first thing to you was, well, maybe you're just doing too much and you're bored, but you're not doing it that often.

1:12:28 Adam How long has it been, seriously?

1:12:31 Caller Well, I mean, I tried again last night and that was the last time, but before then it was probably like three or four days.

1:12:38 Drew Wow.

1:12:39 Adam Yeah.

1:12:40 Drew Lifetime, I think you'd have some major build up by that point.

1:12:43 Adam Yeah.

1:12:44 Eric Balfour Well, here's the deal.

1:12:44 Caller What I'm saying is when I do, it doesn't feel, you know, sometimes when you wait, it feels great. You get a huge orgasm, huge load, all that stuff, but this time...

1:12:54 Drew I'm comfortable talking about this with you.

1:12:56 Adam Yeah. Thanks for making us picture that. All right.

1:12:59 Eric Balfour Third time I wanted to vomit tonight.

1:13:01 Adam All right. So what about it, Drew? What does he do?

1:13:03 Caller I feel for you.

1:13:06 Eric Balfour Here's the deal. It may just be that he has been depressed and very anxious and his sex drive is down, testosterone circulating levels can drop and some guys can be very sensitive to this. It may also be that you're getting some illness or something. I mean, if this goes on in a couple of weeks, I would definitely see a medical doctor just to make sure. I mean, if you've got hypothyroidism or something, not even anything very, very serious, but it could affect this kind of thing.

1:13:30 Adam I had to give a sperm sample on a weekend. Another one? No, no, same one, Sunday. Sperm sample on Sunday, by the way, which is, you know, my people say it.

1:13:40 Eric Balfour Sperm sample Sunday?

1:13:42 Adam Sperm sample Sunday. But there's this part.

1:13:44 Drew It's like a potluck.

1:13:45 Adam There's this part where you have to check off in the box, like last time you ejaculated, and I was like, so I just, I thought, oh my Christ, I must have beat off last night or the night before. So I was just, I wrote a week. You know, I just wrote, I physically wrote week in there cause I had no idea. And then when I pulled into the nurses station, she was like, it says a week, is that seven days? And I'm like, well yeah, why, why, yeah, why, why? What is this, some kind of interrogation? What is this, Abu Graib over here? What's going on? I just thought I was trying to get my wife pregnant. Is that a crime? Maybe I protested too much.

1:14:24 Eric Balfour Oh, that's funny.

1:14:25 Adam Yeah. And by the way, when I say week, I don't count the eight minutes ago when I was beating off the broom closet over there. Hearing you goddamn chatty cathedrals talk about what's going on over the weekend and, you know, a desperate housewives for the love of Christ. Jesus Christ, could there be some decorum at these places? I've done this two times now and each time I've heard these fat nurses just in the nursing, it just sounds like this. He did not say that. He did? Oh my God. Oh my God. Judy, if he... Shelly, come here. Shelly, did you? I'm like, come on. Shelly, did you? Judy said, no, she said it. Come here. Would you please come here? He doesn't know. Well, he doesn't know what he's got. I'll tell you, he will. He will when he loses it. I'll tell you that. He won't know. But no, you have to send him out. I'm like, would you? Could you see? Shut up for 10 seconds.

1:15:15 Drew Shut up. Poor Adam's brain is going, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.

1:15:21 Adam Oh, my God. It was it was as if I raped myself. It was that unsatisfying. You know, the thing the thing about these, the thing about these places, these fertility places, they weren't built to be fertility places. They could have been a dentist office or an architect's office. Or they just decide it's not like a sound studio or something. It's like, yeah, here's the B, here's the J room right over here. Well, the J room is two feet from the nurses station. It's got a hollow corridor and it's been undercut four inches because they had shag in there.

1:15:53 Drew So every time every time you look down, you see a shadow of someone walking by.

1:15:56 Adam Right. It's like, oh, you hear people talking and yapping. And where's that? And then once while your name will pop, is he in there?

1:16:03 Caller Oh, OK. What?

1:16:05 Drew Oh, OK.

1:16:06 Adam So when you expect, OK, you added 10 minutes. You want to go for 20? You want to keep talking, baby. Keep talking.

1:16:12 Drew How is the selection of of material?

1:16:16 Adam Well, I'll tell you about the I'll tell you about the porn. First off, there's nothing but chicks that work there. They should really be staffed with like 18 year old dudes. Hey, buddy, have at it. I'm going next. Why are you trying to get your old lady? No, no, I'm just on my break.

1:16:31 Drew So you're saying there's definitely no girl on girl stuff.

1:16:33 Adam There's a pile of porn, but the thing is, is you have to keep a stiff upper lip because they're like, would you like to see some? And you're like, no, no, no, I got it. I got it. You know what it's like? It's like when you fall down and you trip in the supermarket and some guy's like, hey, you need some help? No, no, no, I'm good.

1:16:49 Drew I know my kidney's bleeding, but I'm okay.

1:16:52 Caller You had a rib poking out.

1:16:53 Adam You're like, you're so humiliated that you're going to get adrenaline is going to get you back on your feet.

1:16:57 Drew No, my rib pokes out like this all the time. I do this.

1:16:59 Adam That's how I keep it.

1:16:59 Drew Yeah. Just for relief sometimes. You let my lungs expand. I'm fine. No, no.

1:17:03 Adam So I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. I don't need any porn. There's a weird little sofa there with like a sheet on it and stuff. Yeah. Well, thank God I've trained myself to go stand in up.

1:17:14 Drew That must be a pleasant door knob to turn. Oh my God.

1:17:17 Adam I use my shirt. So here's the funny thing. So I thought, I thought, well, I thought, look, I told her I didn't want any porn, but I might as well take a quick look and see what they got in the cupboard, you know, as long as I'm here. And there's another aspect of it is, is I would like this brought into almost every professional setting, like the dentist office, the hairdresser, the optometrist. Would you like to see some porn? Thank you. Thank you. Yes, I would like to see some porn.

1:17:44 Caller I could go.

1:17:46 Adam It wouldn't offend me.

1:17:47 Drew It would pass the time.

1:17:48 Adam If I was at the Jiffy Lube and I was waiting 20 minutes with the car, and the guys would be like, some porn, Mr. Corolla?

1:17:53 Drew Except for if, you know, Rafael, the store manager is watching it with you.

1:17:56 Caller Right.

1:17:57 Adam So, I open the cupboard to see what porn selection they have. And they got everything. They got weird sort of soft core stuff, and they got some hard core stuff. But then I come across the movie Pretty Woman, and I think, wow, well, maybe the guy is a big Julia Roberts fan, or maybe you got some guy who is like a born again Christian, who is in here who doesn't want to look at pornography, but still needs to get going. Then I come across the movie Jerry Maguire, and now I'm messed up because I'm thinking, what the hell is going on with this Jerry Maguire? Why is it with the porn? Is somebody beating off the Jerry Maguire, or it's just, they just keep all the movies in here, and what else is going on that they need Jerry Maguire in here? And I don't like it mixed with my porn.

1:18:45 Drew Well, I understand, and I'm sure there probably are some, you know, homosexual men who come in, and you know, Cuba Gooding in those football uniforms, right? I just, or Richard Gere in the bathtub when she's like massaging his nipples. And he had that, and remember he had those weird, like he didn't really have hair on his chest, but he had the weird hairs around his nipples?

1:19:04 Adam Small areolas.

1:19:05 Drew Freaked me out, man.

1:19:06 Adam Tiny areolas.

1:19:07 Drew I was always, I remember when I was, I was a kid when the movie came out.

1:19:09 Adam Like pins.

1:19:10 Drew Yeah, I was terrified as a kid that one day I'd have like weird little hairy nipples growing up.

1:19:16 Adam I know. But look at you, you're beautiful and strapping.

1:19:18 Drew Thank you.

1:19:19 Adam So I took care of my business minus the porn. And then afterward I opened it to take a second look. And then I felt like I was bitten by my own snake because I saw busty natural euro babes. And I was like, whoa, I could have used that. I could have used that. I should have just stole it.

1:19:37 Drew Drop the ball on that one.

1:19:38 Adam I should have stole the porn.

1:19:39 Drew What does it take to steal porn from a fertility clinic? Who is that guy? Who is that guy?

1:19:44 Adam Look, I'm just saying, this is what you guys get. This is what you get.

1:19:48 Drew He's on Pedophile Island.

1:19:49 Adam This is what you get for yapping it up in the nursing station while I'm trying to take care of business. Keep talking, honey. I'll be here all day.

1:19:56 Drew Hi.

1:19:57 Adam Yeah, I'm gonna come out in 45 minutes. Are you done? No, I need some Gatorade. You guys want to keep talking?

1:20:01 Drew Yeah, and I'm taking your busty blondes from Europe video just for talking.

1:20:06 Adam Keep talking. All right, we'll take a little break. Eric Balfour is here tonight. Sex, Love, and Secrets, name of his show, Tuesday Nights, UPN, 9 o'clock. Drew out in Pittsburgh, PA, and we'll be right back after this.

1:20:19 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:20:22 Caller With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

1:20:35 Adam Yeah, Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew in Pittsburgh, PA tonight. What is it, three hours difference over there, Drew?

1:20:43 Eric Balfour Three hours later, yeah. It's been a long day. Hey, you're gonna come by our house before you go to the game on Saturday.

1:20:50 Adam Um, I'm gonna be in a limo, Drew.

1:20:51 Eric Balfour I'm not sure if we can make it up that time.

1:20:53 Caller Come by, pick me up.

1:20:54 Eric Balfour Come on.

1:20:54 Caller Pick you up.

1:20:55 Eric Balfour Come on by, come on.

1:20:56 Drew It's like Ferris Bueller.

1:20:57 Adam Hi, Drew, I will, I will.

1:20:58 Drew If you're not over here in 15 minutes, you can find yourself a new best friend.

1:21:01 Adam I will pick you up before I go to the UCLA game, but here's the deal. Well, you, you may be walking home because we're going to watch the game. We're going to drink some beers. You might hook up with some coeds or something. You know what I mean? Party in the limo. All right, Drew, I'll pick you up. But you're in, buddy. You're in.

1:21:19 Eric Balfour Well, I got to be in the boys with me.

1:21:21 Adam You mean you're scrotum? What do you mean the boys?

1:21:25 Drew So it's going to be the coeds, the alcohol and your kids.

1:21:29 Eric Balfour Oh no. 12 year olds.

1:21:30 Adam No, no, no, no. We're going to be shooting.

1:21:32 Eric Balfour We'll drive behind you. We'll drive behind you.

1:21:35 Adam Yes. Yes. That limo is going to be like a Cheech and Chong's van. You understand? You don't want the kids in there.

1:21:42 Drew Smoking billowing out of the sand. Yes.

1:21:43 Adam Yes. Eric Balfour is here tonight. Sex of Love and Secrets is the name of his show. Tuesday nights, 9 p.m. UPN. All right. So where are we? Oh, we have the winner of the iPod Nano. That's Trent 22. And I'm guessing his last name isn't Burbank. But I bet he's from Burbank.

1:22:03 Caller Yeah.

1:22:04 Adam He's our Nano winner for tonight.

1:22:06 Drew I hope everyone's OK there with the fires and everything.

1:22:08 Caller What?

1:22:09 Eric Balfour There are fires tonight? What happened?

1:22:10 Drew There's fires in Chatsworth that are taking over the valley. And then another one came up in Burbank.

1:22:16 Adam Yeah.

1:22:18 Drew The whole city is covered in smoke.

1:22:20 Adam I don't want to tell you, but I saw it on the news. Your house is on fire.

1:22:23 Eric Balfour Oh, my God.

1:22:24 Adam Yeah. I saw your wife and your family in the pool with all your belongings. I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to ruin your night. I'm going to know you're a professional.

1:22:33 Drew The dog made it, though.

1:22:34 Adam I swear to you, Drew, out here in Southern Cal, it was 107 degrees today.

1:22:41 Eric Balfour Oh, no.

1:22:42 Adam It is 90 degrees tonight.

1:22:44 Drew And raining ash.

1:22:46 Adam The entire place smells like smoke.

1:22:48 Eric Balfour Oh, God.

1:22:49 Drew And it's been raining ash everywhere.

1:22:51 Eric Balfour Is it Santa Ana? Is it windy?

1:22:53 Adam It's not that windy, but it was well over 100 everywhere in the Southern California area. I mean, in the city, in the valley, it was over 100, and it's smoke everywhere.

1:23:07 Eric Balfour Well, you've been putting spells on Burbank for some time. Don't you feel bad now?

1:23:11 Adam Well, I just wanted them to stop riding chicken ass jaywalking tickets over there. I didn't want the entire city to burn down. But I think it's just the foothills and all that.

1:23:20 Drew Burbank's the only town you can get pulled over for not having mud flaps on your car. I speak from experience.

1:23:25 Caller Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

1:23:26 Drew I couldn't believe it. The guy wrote me a ticket for not having mud flaps on my truck.

1:23:30 Adam One day, I am going to assemble a huge group. They do this on like 2020 and 48 hours every once in a while. You find out the people that were victims of this guy, this pedophile, the serial rapist or whatever. But nobody knows that everyone was being victimized. One day, I will get together the victims of the Burbank PD. And there will not be people that were beaten by the Burbank PD or falsely accused of anything. It will be people that have gotten chicken ass tickets. There will be some guy and his voice. He's too ashamed to speak of it. So we've altered his voice and we put sunglasses on him. He's going to talk about the time he got a jaywalking ticket.

1:24:10 Caller I was going 27 in a 25 mile zone and he arrested me and impounded my vehicle.

1:24:18 Adam I had no front license plate and I was cuffed.

1:24:22 Drew Who has a front license plate anymore? Did they write me that ticket now?

1:24:26 Caller And I laugh at them.

1:24:27 Adam That's the one I got most recently. I had a buddy who got a jaywalking ticket in Burbank on a side street. Crossing on a side street? I got a jaywalking ticket in Burbank crossing at a crosswalk on a light that was green that was going my way. The guy said it was flashing when I was walking across it.

1:24:48 Drew And can you imagine the people who are living paycheck to paycheck?

1:24:50 Adam Oh my God.

1:24:52 Drew I mean, I mean, God, God bless that you and I can, you know, we flip them off and laugh. But there's there are people out there going, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. If I get this, I don't I don't feed my children tonight.

1:25:02 Adam Yes. Yes. Burbank. I am telling you, Burbank needs a huge bronze monument of a Burbank citizen just bent over spreading its cheeks and a traffic cop just cornholing the bejesus out of them. That should be right in front of the airport because that's what happens in Burbank. Or as I like to call it, Rape Bank. I've changed the name of it. No mud flaps. That's awesome. That's a nice twist because I've heard all the chicken SJ walking ones and I've heard the illegal tint ones and I've heard the no front license plate ones but the mud flap one.

1:25:37 Drew No mud flaps.

1:25:38 Adam Awesome.

1:25:39 Drew It was spectacular.

1:25:40 Adam No mud flaps on his car. I'm sure you weren't driving a dune buggy either.

1:25:46 Drew I was 16 years old and I was driving a Ford Bronco II that had like, you know, it had like a four or five inch lift on it.

1:25:51 Adam You put a little lift on it, put some all-terrain tires on it.

1:25:54 Caller And they were like, no.

1:25:55 Adam Awesome.

1:25:56 Drew You could kill somebody.

1:25:57 Adam Yeah, sure.

1:25:58 Drew Mud could fly out of the back.

1:25:59 Adam Sure. Well, we all.

1:26:00 Drew Mud could fly in someone's eye and they could die.

1:26:02 Caller We all lost somebody to that.

1:26:04 Adam We've all lost somebody to Jay walking on a side street or getting hit by some mud off a 16 year old Bronco.

1:26:10 Drew Drew's dead. He was killed by flying mud from a Bronco II. What happened? Wait, the mud killed him? No, no, no, no, no. It was an accident? No, no, no. This mud tracked Drew down and sawed him out. The mud killed Drew. The mud murdered Drew.

1:26:24 Adam Demon mud. Ashley?

1:26:28 Drew Remember.

1:26:29 Adam Ashley. I know when I got to go to the Burbank airport, I drive through Hollywood and then when I hit Burbank, I get out of my car and I push it the last couple of miles. Now I've actually worked out a harness where I can drag the car. It's better. It's like one of the strongman competitions. I'm in front of the car.

1:26:46 Drew Make sure you put your hazards on. They'll take you to for that. Now you can't push a vehicle without your hazards on, sir. Ashley?

1:26:53 Caller Hi.

1:26:54 Adam You're 19.

1:26:55 Drew Hi, Ashley.

1:26:56 Caller Hi.

1:26:57 Adam What's up, baby doll?

1:26:59 Caller I was in a car accident in June. And the guys hit me and I was pretty injured and sore for a couple of weeks. And I had a good sex drive before then. But afterwards, it's kind of like my boyfriend has to push me for it now.

1:27:18 Eric Balfour How long ago did this happen?

1:27:21 Adam June?

1:27:21 Eric Balfour June?

1:27:22 Adam June?

1:27:23 Caller June. And now it's almost October. And he kind of has to motivate me.

1:27:30 Adam We'll do the now math, by the way, on the date. But we do need when the accident did happen. So what happened with the accident?

1:27:39 Caller We were turning onto the freeway and a group of sixteen-year-olds hit my car and told it.

1:27:44 Eric Balfour With their mud, with their mud.

1:27:45 Caller No mud flops.

1:27:46 Caller No mud.

1:27:48 Adam So, and you were, were you injured?

1:27:52 Caller He got a concussion and was in the hospital for a day. And I was wearing my seatbelt and only got a couple of bruising. But I, I...

1:28:02 Eric Balfour Why was this so, well, this sounds like it was kind of traumatic for you. What happened? I mean, what, what did, this sounds...

1:28:07 Caller Well, I, I, I've already been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.

1:28:13 Eric Balfour Right. I mean, that's really what you got to...

1:28:15 Drew From this event?

1:28:16 Eric Balfour What?

1:28:16 Caller No, from, I, I had a lot of issues when I was little with trauma.

1:28:21 Eric Balfour Well, here's the deal. Relatively minor trauma can trigger a reaction, really bring on the post-traumatic stress disorder. If you already have sort of PTSD features, really relatively minor things can have a profound effect.

1:28:36 Caller And that's just kind of...

1:28:38 Eric Balfour This just re-stimulated something. Panic attack, sleep disturbances, nightmares, mood disturbance, and lack of sex drive would be very consistent with all that.

1:28:46 Adam What happened to you in the past?

1:28:50 Caller I was made fun of in elementary school, and we had a lawsuit over it when I was like eight years old.

1:28:57 Drew What do you mean made fun of?

1:29:00 Caller About my weight when I was little. I'm fine now with my weight and everything, but...

1:29:05 Adam What were you? Were you? You were heavy?

1:29:07 Caller Heavy, yes.

1:29:09 Adam And you were made fun of in, you say junior high or grade school?

1:29:13 Caller Sixth grade.

1:29:14 Adam Sixth grade? And there was a lawsuit?

1:29:17 Caller Yeah.

1:29:17 Eric Balfour Is your mom an attorney?

1:29:19 Caller No.

1:29:20 Adam No, but she's... Yeah?

1:29:22 Caller Yeah.

1:29:23 Adam She's calling from San Francisco where that kind of stuff probably goes on regularly. Imagine how much we would have been sued when we were in junior high. So, you were heavy, a kid made fun of you, and there's a lawsuit against the school or against the kid, or...

1:29:38 Caller Against the school, yeah. Like, I was beat up by the boys and made fun of by the girls, and it was like this whole big issue.

1:29:44 Adam Really?

1:29:45 Caller Yeah.

1:29:46 Adam Boys beat you up for being overweight?

1:29:50 Caller It got worse than that, but I don't want to get into too much detail because I'm trying to say anonymous here, but...

1:29:55 Adam Wow.

1:29:56 Drew Well, that sucks. I'm sorry to hear that.

1:29:57 Adam How much money did you make?

1:29:59 Caller I'm not allowed to say, actually.

1:30:01 Adam Into the millions?

1:30:03 Caller I don't know, definitely not.

1:30:05 Adam Not enough to buy a car with airbags, evidently.

1:30:08 Caller No, I don't get the money until I'm older, but my car was good.

1:30:14 Adam Hold on, I got a plan. I am going to fatten my kid up, send him to school in San Francisco, have a couple bullies kick him around, sue, and then not worry about saving for college.

1:30:27 Drew It's a way to go.

1:30:28 Adam It's a chunk? Wow, Ashley, this is my plan. That's incredible. But now you're not overweight.

1:30:37 Caller No.

1:30:38 Adam That's awesome. So now you're thin and you're going to get a nice chunk of change.

1:30:43 Eric Balfour Do you have an eating disorder?

1:30:44 Caller No, no, no, not at all.

1:30:46 Adam What made you overweight when you were younger then?

1:30:49 Caller I don't know. I was depressed a little bit.

1:30:52 Drew Were we depressed then?

1:30:53 Caller My weight?

1:30:54 Drew No, no, no.

1:30:55 Adam No, what do your parents do?

1:31:00 Caller One owns a business and I don't want my friends to know I'm calling so if they hear this they'll know but my dad has a good job.

1:31:11 Adam Who decided to sue?

1:31:14 Caller My psychologist. And I skipped a grade.

1:31:19 Adam And you skipped a grade?

1:31:20 Caller Yeah. I graduated early.

1:31:23 Adam I see. So you're young and overweight and people.

1:31:27 Caller And I had to keep a certain average.

1:31:29 Adam All right.

1:31:30 Eric Balfour Well, in any event, something has happened as a result of this car accident. Maybe go back to the psychology you were seeing way back when.

1:31:36 Adam Yeah. Because here's the thing with this post-traumatic stress stuff is it becomes like an old injury where you have something that never quite healed right and then you get into a car accident and all of a sudden it didn't look like too bad an accident but because your back was so bad from this horrible motorcycle accident you had 10 years earlier, you're jacked up. This is this it's this version of that emotionally. Right. Wow.

1:32:01 Eric Balfour That's right.

1:32:02 Adam Only in San Francisco, everyone. Kira?

1:32:05 Eric Balfour Oh no, we got to take a break.

1:32:06 Adam Hey, baby. 28?

1:32:08 Caller Yes, I am.

1:32:08 Adam You got a fear of dating, only been in one relationship.

1:32:11 Caller Yeah, I didn't think I was going to get on. Thanks.

1:32:13 Adam Yeah. Well, we're out of time. But here's the deal. You're not damaged goods. You can be in relationships. Yeah, I don't, you know.

1:32:22 Eric Balfour So let her be the first call to Martin, or Martin, Sunday night.

1:32:25 Caller Okay. Yeah.

1:32:26 Adam All right, Kira. All right, baby. But don't take it personally. I don't want you to slide into that shame spiral.

1:32:33 Eric Balfour That Adam's in.

1:32:34 Adam Yeah. Eric Balfour here tonight. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

1:32:40 Caller All right, guys.

1:32:40 Eric Balfour Here's the deal.

1:32:41 Caller Look in the hook up.

1:32:42 Eric Balfour Call the Dateline.

1:32:43 Caller Stick a waste in time with the wrong person.

1:32:45 Eric Balfour Call the Dateline.

1:32:46 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:32:47 Eric Balfour Call the Dateline.

1:32:49 Caller 1-877-889. Date.

1:32:54 Caller If you need to.

1:32:56 Caller Call Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:33:06 Adam Yeah, I want to thank Eric Belfer for coming out here tonight. Sex, Love, and Secrets, name of the show. Tuesday nights, nine o'clock, UPN, and you can watch.

1:33:14 Eric Balfour Eric did a good job. Thank you very much. He certainly did.

1:33:16 Adam You can watch my show Too Late with Adam Corolla on Comedy Central right now.

1:33:21 Eric Balfour And we'll see you at the Rose Bowl. I'll see you Saturday morning. We'll see you at the Rose Bowl Saturday.

1:33:24 Adam Drew, call me on my cell phone so we can try to hash this out.

1:33:27 Eric Balfour All right, so. Oh, can I use your phone? Okay.

1:33:30 Adam Work it out, buddy. All right, I want to thank, oh, man, junior producer Lauren and producer Anne and Lauren and I mean, Michelle and Anderson and Patricia and Curtis and Vic and Nick and Mark and Tykin.

1:33:47 Drew I think Nicole's still here reading the news.

1:33:48 Adam Cubby and Nicole. So until next time, Sam Crawford, Dr. Drew saying mahalo. All right, you're all picky up, but you're in, buddy. You're in.

1:33:56 Eric Balfour Well, I gotta mean the boys with me.

1:33:59 Adam You mean your scrotum?

1:34:03 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, September 29, 2005