Episode 1000729836015

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Voiceover Yeah, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew. Board Certified Physician and Addiction Medicine Specialist.

1:33 Drew Yeah.

1:34 Adam Yeah. They're supposed to take Dr. Drew to the UCLA game.

1:38 Drew Yeah.

1:39 Adam I didn't get ahold of him yesterday.

1:40 Drew Yeah. So, Drew Physician, Adam Douche Nozzle.

1:43 Adam Douche Nozzle.

1:44 Drew Douche Nozzle. So, instead...

1:47 Adam I forgot about the Douche Nozzle, by the way.

1:50 Drew I did, too.

1:50 Adam Let's just cover that for a second.

1:51 Drew I forgot, too, until I was outside the Rose Bowl. It seemed to you do an eight clap thinking, yeah, I'm Douche Nozzle.

1:57 Adam All right. I'll pick you up, but you're in, buddy.

1:59 Drew They're in.

2:00 Adam They're in.

2:00 Drew Well, I gotta get the boys with me.

2:03 Adam You mean your scrotum?

2:06 Drew They came, too.

2:09 Adam Yeah, I probably should have picked my phone up on Saturday. I had a limo filled with guys. I didn't think I'll have from work going. But when so here's the deal. I won. OK, douche nozzle. I got to write down douche nozzle. We got to get to that. I was supposed to do the coin toss, supposed to do the coin toss at the UCLA, Washington State University, Washington State to watch the game at the Rose Bowl. How dare you? I saw the game. I was supposed to do the coin toss. Evidently, it's something people do every once in a while. Maybe a dignitary or a quasi-celebrity like myself. Here's the thing. As per usual, nothing was worked out in advance and nothing was thought out. No one knew anything. So first thing that happens is the limo can't get in. You know, the limo always does the huge circle around the whatever. Here's the thing, and Drew, please stop me if I'm exaggerating or stretching the truth in any way, shape or form. At least half of the time a limo or a town car picks you up to take you to an event, whether it's the MTV Awards, the Tonys, the Oscars, the whatever, into those, the football game, the lecture hall that you're speaking at, the banquet room you're toasting at, at least half of the time the guy who's driving the car has no idea where you're going in the facility and where you're getting dropped off and neither does anyone around them.

3:40 Drew At least. I count on that 100%.

3:42 Adam Now, it's super important that you get to your house 45 minutes early.

3:46 Drew Especially if it's 7 in the morning pick up.

3:48 Adam But it's not so important that they actually know where they're dropping you off.

3:51 Drew Don't know where they're going and don't know how they're getting there and you can count on 85 layers of security, each of which are not expecting you out.

3:59 Adam Nobody knows anything. Here's the deal. It's the MTV Music Awards. I got Bono and Carson Daly in the town car and they're sending them packing. We don't know. Not this gate. Keep driving. Now here's the whole thing about security guys, which is funny too. They don't know anything about anything ever. Because whenever you do that thing, you see that guy in the yellow windbreaker, you're like, hey buddy, yeah, excuse me. Where's Will Call? I wouldn't know. Why would you know where Will Call was? You only patrol the perimeter of this place. Security people know less about their job than anybody. I think if they see a bomb or they see some fire, they're going to react. Other than that, they have no, it's like, do you know where the main gate is? No. Do you know where Will Call is? No. Where's the celebrities? Is there a celebrity? I don't, nothing.

4:53 Drew It's like the robots given program to do one thing. It's like you, you, dude, put the old jacket on and get cars in this driveway.

5:01 Adam Right.

5:01 Drew Or no cars in this driveway.

5:03 Adam Right.

5:03 Drew Okay, that's it.

5:05 Adam And then the limo, so between that guy and whoever drives the town car, always a huge long lap.

5:10 Drew So anyway, so I'm sitting outside the Rose Bowl and you're doing eight claps and what the hell?

5:15 Adam I'm going around this place. What the hell? Well, let me tell you what happened. So we get out to the Rose Bowl. Now I'm down on the field and I'm doing some long snaps. You know, I got the ball boys doing some snaps, kicking some field goals. Yeah, just screwing around on the side. That game hasn't started yet. And then there's this thing like, you know, I'm just wanting to look. It's not like I do one of these things every year. Tell me what to do. How is this going to work? Well, you're going to be with the captains. They're going to walk straight out on the 50-yard line. You're going to come in sort of at an angle. That's my angle of pursuit. Go on angle and then my liaison will break away from me after about 20 paces and I'll just be on my own to join everybody in center field essentially, you know? So she breaks away. I just walk into center field. There's the three Husky captains. There's the three Bruin captains. There's the refs. There's three or four refs. I just come walking up, just standing there in street clothes. The ref's like, all right, I'm going to flip the coin up. I'm like, huh? Boom, next thing you know, he throws the coin up there. That's like, okay, the Washington Huskies have won the toss. You want to defend what goal? Now I'm standing there and people are being moved around like, okay, we're going to, and I'm like, where do I go? Staying with the UCLA players? I'm not on the team. I feel weird like going, do I just stand in the middle though? I just, you know, I do that thing where I slowly back up, try to get a little space from the area and start sort of around the rest, but I'm getting turned around and stuff. Next thing you know, the captains are jumping up, running off the field. I'm just like standing there. I didn't flip the coin. They didn't mention my name over the PA system. For all anyone knows, there's some dude in Dockers who's just standing out in the field. I was shaking hands with the guys from UCLA and the guys from Cal, I mean from Washington and stuff, but clearly they had no idea. One of the refs had zero idea what was going on, and nobody had any idea what was going on, which made me first realize anyone could just go walk out on that field. You got huevos big enough to decide to include yourself in the coin toss, I think you'd do it. You put a jersey on, you grab a clipboard, or you put a nice suit on, that's your move. I'll tell you what'll get you out there, Drew. You know what'll get you out? It'll get you out at the coin toss for the Super Bowl. Put a nice suit on, a nice suit on, and pull a jersey over the suit. Some sort of ceremonial thing. You got that look, nobody ever stops you. You walk into the White House, you can walk into the Super Bowl, you walk into Fort Knox. If you put a nice suit on, and then put that team jersey on over it, like the ones that, you know, the first round pick guy gets, or the coach, the new coach, or the Hall of Fame. You'll go walk right through the front door of the White House.

7:53 Drew You're right, you're right.

7:54 Adam Nobody would stop you. As it was, I was just wearing a t-shirt, but I was just standing there like an imbecile.

8:00 Drew So what happened? How'd you get all the mic? All of a sudden, I'm watching 15 minutes of your show, and you have a microphone.

8:06 Adam What do you mean?

8:07 Drew Wasn't that you?

8:08 Adam No.

8:08 Drew That was it?

8:09 Adam That was it. I just walked off the field. I didn't know what to do. Now I'm just standing on the sideline. These guys are all warming up and stuff.

8:16 Drew I swear I heard you lead an eight clamp as I was walking in.

8:18 Adam Really? No.

8:19 Drew Oh my God.

8:20 Adam It's a crazy man.

8:21 Drew But there's all kinds of stuff here now, look at that.

8:26 Adam I got a little TLC promotional whatever going on.

8:30 Drew Hit me about 47 times.

8:31 Adam I'm sure. So you went to the game?

8:33 Drew Yes.

8:33 Adam Yeah, buddy.

8:34 Drew Oh, I've gotten this thing.

8:35 Adam Yeah.

8:36 Drew This is a CD, what is it called?

8:37 DVD-ROM.

8:39 Adam CD-ROM or whatever. Anyway, so that was that. The other thing is a douche nozzle. We call people douche bags, but the nozzle, what about the nozzle?

8:48 Drew That's the work in it, that's the disgusting part of the douche.

8:50 Adam That's the business end of the douche bag. It's sort of like saying, well, you could call somebody a horse's leg, but if you called him a horse's ass, that's the working area. That's the insult. Saying the douche bag, eh, nice, but that's the leg, the nozzle, that's the ass. This guy's a douche nozzle.

9:09 Drew And it just rolls off the tongue.

9:11 Sounds good.

9:12 Adam And it's good when you're honking a horn.

9:14 Drew Come on, you douche nozzle. Who started the douche bag thing anyway? Whose idea was that?

9:18 Adam Somebody less creative than I.

9:20 Drew Yes.

9:20 Adam Because I brought the douche nozzle out about five, six years ago and it hasn't exactly caught on, but it's up to us to keep it alive. So you can call a guy at work a douche nozzle, a lazy douche nozzles, you douche nozzles get back to work, shake your ass douche nozzles, couple of douche nozzles, give me a hard time.

9:37 Drew Maybe people don't know what to call that spigot at the end. You may actually come up with the name.

9:41 Adam The douche nozzle?

9:42 Drew Yeah, yeah.

9:43 Adam Yeah, I think they just called it the nozzle. All right, where were we? Yeah, so UCLA won.

9:48 Drew Yeah, it was a good game. Yeah, it was a bad game, but it ended up good.

9:51 Adam Right.

9:51 Drew It was much like that SC game, crazy. You see that one?

9:54 Adam Yeah, I didn't do the coin tossing.

9:57 Drew Well, you didn't do the coin tossing.

9:58 No, I didn't do this one either.

9:59 Drew I could have sworn I heard you with a mic as I was walking in. I could have sworn.

10:02 Adam How does that stuff work? I mean, when I walked out into Centerfield, there was not a person in that area that had any idea what I was doing there. The refs, clearly, nobody spoke to the ref. The ref started flipping the coin before the guys even came to a stop. I mean, the guys just walked down. It wasn't anything like, okay, Mr. So-and-so, this is Mr. So-and-so, I'm your headline official. It was just like, all right, who's watching your way, you're calling the air heads, you know, that's it. Boom, I mean, I barely stopped walking. Just, and it was just over as soon as it began.

10:37 Drew Did you get to stay on the sidelines, watch the game?

10:39 Adam I watched a little bit from sidelines and went up to my seats. Something they didn't tell me. No beer in the Rose Ball. Whoa.

10:49 Drew The guy took it from the Coliseum too.

10:50 Adam Whoa. But why the Rose Ball?

10:54 Drew Same way as the Coliseum. People get a little amped up and... Yeah.

10:58 Adam All right. But, all right. I'm just saying, look, here's the deal.

11:02 Drew I'm sure you were loaded and high by the time you got there.

11:04 Adam I had a couple beers, but it wore off. Here's the thing. If you do not serve beer at your sporting event, I need a dirigible size banner hanging over the stadium that can be seen from outer space. It says, no beer here. Because if I go to a football game, I expect beer. And especially a nighttime foot, I mean, Saturday night.

11:28 Drew Things are changing, Mr. Corolla.

11:30 Adam My God, I would have brought a flask. I really would have. I had no idea. We were shocked and appalled. I went with Dickey from the Boston's came too. He was beside himself.

11:42 Drew Oh boy.

11:42 Adam It's never would have happened at a Boston College game. Tori?

11:49 Drew Hi, Tori.

11:49 Adam You're 19?

11:50 Caller Yes. What's up? In the last three weeks, I've been having a little bit of blood during intercourse. It's not painful or anything, but it freaks my boy for now. He's kind of scared of blood.

12:05 Drew You've never had that before?

12:07 Caller No. It used to be painful because we've been sleeping together for about six months. For the first couple of months, it was hard. We had to find a groove to get into before we could actually successfully have intercourse. But now there's blood.

12:22 Drew Well, it's common. Very common. If you're on the birth control pill or have an IUD or something, it's especially common.

12:28 Oh, okay.

12:30 Caller Would it have anything to do with my... I get urinary tract infections regularly.

12:35 Drew It wouldn't have anything to do with the infections per se, but with the antibiotics that you take to treat the infections, it would have a lot to do with that.

12:42 Okay.

12:42 Caller Well, I've gone to the doctor and they've never given me an answer. They just always tell me it's made...

12:47 Drew Well, it's normal to have some bleeding within a court. It's normal. It's normal.

12:51 Adam Look, when you go to the doctor and you don't get an answer, that means they're not concerned. That means it's normal.

12:55 Drew I mean, their job is not to sit and give you a physiology lecture. No time for that.

12:59 Adam Yeah, it's just...

13:00 Drew Their job is to find out if something's serious or not, and let's get on with it.

13:03 Adam Yeah, I don't know how many people know somebody whose doctor missed something, but it doesn't happen that often. It's not like everyone knows somebody who's been taken because a doctor didn't catch something early enough or misdiagnosed something. I mean, let's just move forward.

13:19 Drew Given the hundreds of millions of illnesses that are looked at every day, it's amazing that that doesn't have more.

13:24 Adam Yeah, you come in, they take a look at you, they see what age you are, they kick your tires and they send you packing. That's enough. Just believe them. Leanne?

13:34 Caller Yeah?

13:35 Adam 24?

13:36 Caller Yeah.

13:37 Adam What's up?

13:38 Caller Okay. Well, I found out like four months ago that I was pregnant. I'm now five and a half months. And me and my boyfriend, we've been together for about two and a half years. And it's been kind of a rocky relationship, like kind of back and forth. And he's having a really hard time accepting it, like a really hard time. I mean, just every once in a while, we'll just be sitting around watching TV and he'll be like, oh my God, I can't believe this is happening, like out of nowhere. We're not even talking about it, we're not discussing it, and he just like freaks out.

14:05 Adam Is he your age? Is he 24?

14:07 Caller He's 27.

14:09 Drew He can't believe it's happening because he doesn't want it to happen.

14:12 Caller Oh yeah, that's what he keeps saying. He's like...

14:15 Drew Wait, do you not believe him?

14:17 Adam Wait, wait, wait. Did he want to get married?

14:19 Caller No, God no. I don't either. Not at this point. It's because the relationship has been so up and down.

14:24 Drew Yeah, you do want to get married, but the fact that he's not into it, you don't want to get married.

14:29 Caller Right.

14:29 Drew And the deal is he doesn't want to have a child. What do you think he's kidding when he says that?

14:35 Caller No, I just don't know why he's having such a hard time accepting it. I guess we...

14:39 Drew Because, because men, this is an interesting point. Men do not have a drive to have children. It's something they want to avoid.

14:46 Adam We have a drive to drive over children.

14:48 Drew Well, at some point, when he's ready, he'll want to be the head of a family, and when he's ready to do that, then children become a natural sort of... But before that, men will do... There's not only no drive, there's an aversion to having children for most men. What do you say, Adam?

15:05 Adam There is, for most men, because of what it represents, which is a sort of permanent finality kind of thing, which is you're not going anywhere.

15:15 Drew But I want you to put that in contrast with women who actually have an erotic drive to have children. There's a desire to have kids, and men do not have.

15:23 Adam Well, look, hold on a second. Just think about anything guys are interested in and chicks aren't interested in. You know, the marriage itself, the ceremony. Oh, we're going to be picking on dresses. We're going to go look at cakes. We're meeting with planners and we're looking. Oh, okay, please. Guys are like, fat, zero, just not interested. Now, it doesn't mean they're not in love. Doesn't mean they don't want to get married, but just there's no drive there at all. And it's biologically probably about the same with the kid.

15:54 Drew No, no, no, because I'll put you in a different context.

15:56 Adam Once the kid is born.

15:57 Drew Oh, they're in now.

15:58 Adam Then they're in.

15:59 Drew But throughout history, women could look forward to dying in childbirth.

16:03 Adam Yeah.

16:03 Drew Do you think a guy would have it based on his drive? Do you think he'd ever get pregnant if there's a chance of dying? Never.

16:09 Adam No.

16:09 Drew Never. So that puts in context how powerful that is.

16:12 Adam And last time I was raped.

16:13 Drew But that puts in context.

16:14 Adam Horribly, horribly raped.

16:16 Drew But then nothing you could do about that, is there?

16:19 Adam Well, I could fight a fight, but I've seen enough movies to know eventually I would start liking it, because that's in the movies I see. You know, they get into it about half. It's a great message, porn sends one. The victim starts getting into the rape about halfway into it.

16:33 Drew That's porn.

16:34 Adam Not even halfway in. It's about the first, about 15 seconds, then they're into it. There you go. That's a lovely message. Yeah. Okay.

16:43 Drew But think about that drive. That drive has been in, it is in women as a biological drive. And if men look forward to their vagina getting ripped apart, or dying, or being disfigured, or being miserable, there's no drives. They wouldn't do it. They would not do it. They'd avoid it.

16:56 Adam But furthermore, if the guy isn't that into the relationship, then it's even more out. Then it's amplified.

17:05 Drew And if he's not really truly not ready, or not one of those guys that can be in a committed relationship, then forget it.

17:10 Adam Leigh Ann?

17:11 Caller Yeah. But the thing is, that kind of, I mean like during sexual fantasies and stuff, he'll talk about like me getting pregnant and stuff, and like how it turns him on and stuff. But now that it's the reality, he's like completely freaking out about it.

17:24 Drew No, he's saying, he's saying that, no, no, no, no, no. Guys don't say that unless they're prompted by a woman. Have you said stuff like that to him, like that's erotic for you?

17:32 Caller Uh-huh.

17:33 Drew Okay, that's why a guy says that. It doesn't mean anything to him. He's trying to turn you on. Are you kidding, Leigh Ann?

17:38 Adam Let's just try to figure it out.

17:39 Drew Oh my God.

17:40 Adam Let me just try to figure this out. You guys have been together for how long?

17:43 Caller About two and a half years.

17:45 Adam Have you been together straight through or have you broken up periodically?

17:49 Caller We've broken up periodically.

17:50 Adam Anyone cheated on anyone?

17:52 Yes.

17:53 Caller During the times that we've been broken apart, more or less on his end, I've always known, just because it's been such a habit for us to get breakups together.

18:01 Adam What's he do? Something in the restaurant world?

18:05 Drew Drywall.

18:06 Caller Who, him?

18:07 Yeah.

18:10 Caller Him?

18:11 Adam Yes, him.

18:12 Caller I'm sorry. Yeah, he does construction.

18:14 Drew Drywall. Drywall.

18:15 Adam Yeah, that's tough.

18:16 I feel it.

18:18 Adam He does real construction.

18:19 Drew Like what?

18:20 Road construction.

18:22 Adam Road construction.

18:23 Drew You've never mentioned that on your scale.

18:26 Adam Then on the list.

18:27 Drew Boy.

18:28 Adam That's way, that's below roof.

18:29 Drew That's like roofing, right?

18:30 Adam Yeah.

18:30 Drew It's tar again.

18:32 Adam Yeah.

18:32 Caller He does state prevailing wage for the city. I mean, the state, I mean-

18:35 Drew State prevailing wage.

18:38 Adam All right. No, no. That's not bad. That's not bad.

18:40 No, he makes the-

18:41 Caller I mean, he's financially stable. He owns rental properties. He's doing well for himself.

18:45 Adam Okay. All right. My feeling is, is he's 27. He's doing well for himself. He thinks he likes to get laid periodically by someone other than you. And now this feels like he's hemmed in. Yeah.

18:58 Caller He's blaming me.

18:59 Adam And he's freaking out.

19:00 Caller It's all my fault. He thinks like I was like sabotaging my birth control, like taking tic tacs or something like that. I mean, he's-

19:09 Adam All right. Well, okay. Here's whatever it is. Well, maybe she can give the kid up for adoption. Leigh Ann, why don't you give the kid up for adoption?

19:17 Drew How about that? Somebody's a couple that really want to have him.

19:20 Caller That's a whole other issue.

19:21 Adam Well, do you really-

19:22 Caller His mother is like insane. He keeps trying to give me to get the kid to like his brother because they have autism. It's like a whole big mess.

19:30 Drew I wouldn't do that. I would send the kid away somewhere far away.

19:33 Adam Yeah. How about just give the kid up for adoption? This thing ain't going to last.

19:37 Caller Well, I just- Because that's something that he would want. It's not something necessarily that I would want. In the long run, it may be a good decision for both of us.

19:45 Drew For the kid, not for you. For the child.

19:47 Adam Yeah.

19:48 Caller Well, that too. But I just feel like just because he doesn't want it, why should I sacrifice what I want?

19:53 Drew For the child, Leigh Ann.

19:55 Adam Well, because there's a kid.

19:56 Drew There's another person involved here.

19:57 Adam It's not just you against him. There's a child involved. The child's welfare.

20:03 Drew What's good for the child is what...

20:05 Caller I understand that too, but I mean, I came from a family that was, you know, my parents weren't together.

20:10 Drew No kidding.

20:11 Adam We were...

20:11 Drew Shocking.

20:14 Adam No, I mean, look, you made it, but what are you doing? You're 24, you're pregnant, you're in a relationship with a guy that's not so into it.

20:23 Drew Yeah. That's not a good thing.

20:24 Adam That's not exactly a success story.

20:27 Caller But my love life is a little messed up, but in other aspects of my life, I'm doing pretty good.

20:31 Drew Yeah, but in the end, the relationships get recapitulated. Your current relationships are reflections of your family of origin relationship.

20:37 Adam Thank you.

20:37 Caller All right.

20:39 Adam Nicole.

20:40 Yes.

20:42 Adam You're 20, you and your boyfriend are driving around looking to buy porn.

20:46 Caller Yes, yes we are.

20:48 Adam Yeah.

20:48 Caller We're just crossing Huntington Beach right now.

20:52 Adam Are you on the freeway or?

20:53 Caller Yes, on the freeway.

20:55 Adam What are you on?

20:56 Drew 405?

20:57 Caller 405, yep.

20:59 Adam 405? What exit are you coming up on? Because I know all the porn by exit from San Diego to Santa Barbara, a little past Santa Barbara.

21:07 Caller Valley View.

21:09 Adam Valley View.

21:10 Drew It's Fountain Valley.

21:12 Adam Yeah, there's a Venus Fair that's off of that exit.

21:17 Caller Venus Fair?

21:18 Adam No, no, no, don't write it down.

21:20 Caller Oh, now I feel I'm stupid.

21:22 Adam No, no, that's all right. You want to go out and buy porn?

21:25 Caller Yes, I've never seen any before and it's Wow.

21:29 It's an adventure for me.

21:31 Adam Yeah, okay. Well, here's the thing. I think you can buy porn at places. Yeah, you can get at car washes, synagogues, churches now. I think they're selling porn. Places that just specialize in Christmas decorations.

21:44 Drew Liquor stores, they have it?

21:45 Caller Liquor stores?

21:46 Adam Those stores that are open at the mall only two weeks out of the year. They sell porn, they sell garlands and porn.

21:52 Caller Write that down.

21:53 Drew Simply garlands and porn.

21:54 Adam Yeah. Yeah, if there's a good dicey liquor store, you can buy some porn.

22:00 Caller Oh, but I want something I can watch.

22:03 Drew Oh boy, Nicole.

22:04 Adam Well, what do you mean something you can watch?

22:06 Drew That's not porn then, Nicole.

22:07 Adam Yeah, that's a Manuel goes to space.

22:10 Caller Dr. Drew, this is probably the most exciting thing that's happened to me in my entire, since I was 14, I have had this raging crush on you. And I mean-

22:22 Adam Keep driving, baby. You can be on top of him in about 20 minutes.

22:27 Drew But you called in to ask Adam about porn?

22:31 Caller It was a very spur of the moment thing.

22:32 Drew That's not the way to impress me. What are you doing now? What do you do in school?

22:36 Caller I'm sorry?

22:37 Drew Are you in school now?

22:39 No, it's 10 o'clock.

22:40 Drew No, no. I don't mean to say-

22:42 Adam I think the answer to that is no.

22:44 Drew Oh, Nicole, come on.

22:45 Adam I think that would be a big old negative. That's negatory. Sometimes you don't have to say no.

22:51 Drew Well-

22:51 Adam I mean, no.

22:52 Drew What's this for? Orange Coast College?

22:54 Adam Like-

22:54 Drew Let's see.

22:55 Adam No, but like if you said to someone, oh, are you a pastry chef? And they said, pirate chef?

23:05 Drew Right, right.

23:05 Adam The answer would be no. That's how you know it's no. Right. You see what I'm saying?

23:09 Drew Yeah.

23:10 Adam Are you in school right now? No, it's 10 o'clock. That's no. That's how you know it's no.

23:16 Drew Well, it could be Junior College.

23:17 Adam Oh, yes it could. Nicole?

23:21 Caller I'm an English major at UCI.

23:23 Drew There we go. Yeah.

23:24 Adam What's UCI?

23:25 Drew Irvine.

23:25 Adam Oh, Irvine.

23:26 Drew It's a good school.

23:28 Adam All right, maybe not.

23:28 Drew That's a bunch of Nobel laureates from the chemistry department.

23:31 Adam Go over to any liquor store or you can break into a car wash.

23:36 Drew Thanks for the call, Nicole.

23:37 Adam Because that's where you get porn at this hour. I don't know, I don't even know what they have and what the adult books, Star Garden? No. What do they have in Irvine?

23:47 Drew What, in Orange County?

23:48 Adam Yeah, I'm trying to think of what the...

23:50 Drew Do they need porn in Orange County? Just go down the beach?

23:53 Adam Yeah, just get it on. You're 20. We'll take ourselves a quick break. When we come back...

23:58 Drew We'll find out what we're going to do.

23:59 Adam Ooh.

24:00 Drew Yes.

24:00 Adam Wild Lines after this.

24:03 Caller Loveline's phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

24:09 Caller We'll be right back.

24:11 Adam 1-9-1-er. Let me tell you the second most disturbing thing about the UCLA game, beside them not selling beer at the Rose Ball. Actually, them not selling beer at the Rose Ball is one through five.

24:24 Drew I figure.

24:24 Adam It's not just one. But I'll tell you the next one. The UCLA marching band wearing the Cal colors. The UCLA...

24:34 Drew Wait a minute. Wait till you go and see UCLA play Cal. They have the same fight song done at different tempos. Because they're UC schools.

24:43 Adam Hello. The teams have different uniforms. The band needs to wear the goddamn colors that the team wears. I didn't know what band was out there. I thought the Cal marching band was out there. They wear a gold or yellow or whatever in a royal blue. Whereas the team wears a powder baby blue. Let's just get... What? Get the stuff in the powder blue.

25:11 Drew Yeah, you're right.

25:12 Adam And look, here's the whole thing, the royal blue... You're already wearing a sash, a hat with a feather sticking out of it and half a cape. You go royal blue, you spring a vagina. You automatic... Yeah, but a baby blue. A powder blue. You go powder blue. You try to pull that cape, gold sash, feather in the hat, and powder blue, and you just get a penis in your ass. That's it. You could not go gayer. And here's the thing too, the marching band, it's funny because they wear the cape, but the cape's only hanging off one shoulder, which I don't know if it's still technically a cape, but to me, if I'm in that band, I wear it superhero style. Yeah, not, you know, Conquistador style or whatever, the bullfighter, I don't know what that thing is when it's hanging off one shoulder. It just looks like a drape, it looks like a curtain where the rod fell off half of it's on the floor, like somebody broke in your back. Yeah, yeah, I wear the, I do my cape superhero style.

26:12 Drew You see they do that UCLA cursive thing where they pull the.

26:16 Adam Spell it out. Then there's that poor guy who has to get up there in the shorts and the sweater. I don't mind the young guy, the drill team guy, but I'm talking about the guy in his 50s, who's up there.

26:25 Drew He got that, where were you sitting? What tunnel?

26:28 Adam I was 17 or something.

26:30 Drew Did you see how he got that group going though, during that final defensive rally?

26:34 Adam No, no, we split right before that.

26:36 Drew He got the stadium going. That turned the game around.

26:40 Adam Let me tell you something.

26:41 Drew Otherwise, he's a pain in the butt.

26:42 Adam This guy.

26:43 Drew Is this Cowbell?

26:44 Adam Yeah, this guy's Cowbell. This guy didn't make a move until somewhere around the second or third quarter. Then I saw him stand up and he's like, All right, we're going to do the defense chant. Count of three defense. Cut to the field, 33-yard game. See the guy come up like 10 minutes later. Now, we're into the third quarter. He does the defense again. It's a 17-yard thing. He tries to defense one more time. There's a touchdown. And I just turned to Dickie who was sitting next to me and I said, If we were natives, we would have tossed this guy in the volcano a long time ago, because every time he stood up and yelled defense, they went for a TD.

27:21 Drew He is a fixture at those games.

27:23 Adam Well let me say that. I had another thought about this guy too, which is he's got that piece of cardboard on the front side says defense and on the back it says touchdown.

27:34 Drew He's got a couple. No, no. He's got defense. He's got go Bruins.

27:37 Adam Oh yeah. Okay. Well here's my point. On the defense one, the back side of it, because he's efficient, says touchdown or something on it. All I'm saying is one time he's going to get a little disoriented. He's going to stand up there and hold the touchdown up when Arizona's got the ball.

27:53 Drew As he ages.

27:53 Adam And he's going to get pelted with a Mickey's bottle that I smuggled in.

27:57 Drew Yeah. Will you cover those games with me?

27:59 Adam Yeah.

28:01 Caller Yeah. All right.

28:02 Adam Let's go. Let's go Bruins.

28:03 Drew I thought you'd be down with the cheerleaders and stuff. I was shocked.

28:05 Adam I was down with the cheerleaders. You know the thing about cheerleaders in general? They're cute, but they're not rangy. They're short. Cheerleaders are not a whole breed. Yes, they have to be gymnast and they all go about 5'3. You know, they're not, they're not, you know, if you think about cheerleaders, they're not models. They're cheerleaders. They're not waifi. You know, they're not long and stretched out. They're sort of short and they got, you know, they got calves on them. Don't mind it. Don't get me wrong. Anna?

28:34 Hello?

28:35 Adam 24?

28:35 Yes.

28:36 Adam What's up?

28:37 I can't get pregnant.

28:39 Drew Okay. Well, that about summarizes it.

28:41 Adam Are you married?

28:42 Yes.

28:43 Drew And what's the situation?

28:45 I was on the IUD for about four years and I got it taken out a year ago and I can't, my periods are all screwed up and I had to get on hormones last month just to get my period.

28:57 Drew You mean birth control pills?

28:58 No, it's like the estrogen.

29:01 Drew Well, no.

29:02 Adam That's just birth control, right?

29:03 Drew Well, did they put you on Provera? You had like a progesterone challenge to get you to bleed?

29:08 I'm not sure what it was. I had to take it for 10 days.

29:10 Drew Right, it's progesterone.

29:11 Adam I like to take the progesterone challenge.

29:13 Drew It's a progesterone challenge.

29:14 Adam You challenge you. Put your progesterone away and take our progesterone for 10 days. Yeah, I don't know. It's always 10 days of challenge.

29:23 Drew Is there a vacuum trial that goes with it or something?

29:25 Adam Yeah.

29:26 Drew Is there, are you overweight?

29:28 Huh?

29:28 Drew How much do you weigh?

29:30 165 pounds.

29:31 Drew How tall are you?

29:32 5'11.

29:33 Drew All right, so it's not too bad.

29:34 Adam You're not a woman.

29:35 Drew Well, but that's not, I'm worried about sometimes when you're very much overweight, you can get polycystic, you know, the own cycle normally. Do you have polycystic ovaries?

29:42 Adam Let me say this. Let me just jump in here. Are you overweight followed with the huh is the equivalent to the are you working? What kind of job do you have?

29:52 Drew Well, right now, that's the equivalent of, No, you know, more accurately, it's am I working?

29:58 Adam Am I working? Well, right now. All right, Anna. So, what about it, Drew?

30:06 Drew Well, do you have any, have you been diagnostically worked up? I mean, do you have polycystic ovaries? Do you have something wrong with your hypothalamic pituitary ax?

30:13 It's because of all my blood. Nothing wrong.

30:16 Drew You had an ultrasound of the ovaries?

30:17 Adam Did they test your hubby's sperm?

30:20 No, we haven't gotten that far yet because insurance won't cover it.

30:22 Drew How long have you been trying to get pregnant?

30:24 For about a year. Since we took out the IUD.

30:27 Drew Well, stop blaming the IUD. That's not likely to be your problem.

30:30 Adam All right, what about getting one of those things with the thermometers and everything? Yeah, checking your base.

30:36 The fertility monitors and everything.

30:38 Adam How much does it cost to get your sperm tested, Drew?

30:41 Drew I don't know. I think it's like $200 to $250 bucks.

30:43 Adam All right, well somebody...

30:44 Drew Well, not for testing. That's for like spinning it down. That's $800 to spin it down.

30:47 Adam Well, just to test mobility and whatever.

30:50 Drew Yeah, it's probably $100 bucks.

30:51 Adam Yeah, that's no big deal. Anna.

30:53 Drew But Anna, here's the deal. Lots of couples have trouble getting pregnant.

30:57 Caller Right.

30:57 Drew You're already decided that something to do with IUD. That's a huge mistake to conclude that.

31:02 Caller Okay.

31:02 Adam What's your husband do?

31:05 Caller He works at bars.

31:07 Drew Does he drink a lot?

31:08 Caller No.

31:09 Adam He works at bars?

31:10 Caller Yeah.

31:11 Drew But he's not a bartender?

31:12 Caller He works for a distributor.

31:14 Drew He distributes beer, alcohol?

31:16 Caller Yeah.

31:17 Adam Well, we should stop by the Rose Bowl yesterday. Could have used this as...

31:20 Caller I knew you were going to say that.

31:21 Adam Right. So he has a decent job?

31:24 Caller Yeah.

31:24 Adam All right. Well, just spend a couple of the bucks that he makes and get a sperm test.

31:28 Drew Well, and see a board-certified fertility specialist. You're just getting started. You've tried for a year. Now it's time to go check things out, see what's going on. You had a regular period. So already, you know, there's something going on hormonally and cycling-wise with you. And that needs to be more carefully sorted out.

31:41 Adam You know, wives and their description of what their husbands do or their military service or what the dad does in the military, not only is it inaccurate, but it always... It's really... It's like when my family, I think, describes me, it always falls under the side of sort of downgrade. You know what I mean? Like, what's your husband do? He works at bars. What's he do? Clean up vomit or reprogram that sex machine thing? Like, are you a sex... You know, like, handle things? You recalibrate that thing or... Breath mints. What's he refill the mint jars? He put the mint in the toilet. No, he works for a distributor. Oh, okay. All right. Well, now he's been upgraded. It's not so bad. It's better working at bars. Why does he never... I don't know if your wife... At least you're a doctor. Your wife just... Oh, he's a doctor. He's covered. You know what I mean? Yeah.

32:32 Yeah.

32:34 Adam Chrissy? Hi.

32:36 Drew What does your wife say?

32:37 Adam I have no idea. I don't think she'd admit she's married.

32:39 Drew No, I agree.

32:40 Adam Chrissy?

32:41 Hi.

32:41 Oh, my God.

32:42 Adam, I love you.

32:44 Adam Thanks, Chrissy. What's up?

32:46 Caller It's so cool.

32:46 Adam 14. So valuable.

32:48 Yeah, I was called before.

32:50 Adam Yeah.

32:51 Caller Yeah.

32:52 Do you remember me?

32:54 Drew Tell us more.

32:55 Caller I was called about being hypersexual.

32:57 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Not too long ago, right?

33:00 Caller Yeah.

33:02 Adam Okay. Well, how long ago? A few weeks?

33:05 Caller A few, one or two months.

33:07 Adam Okay.

33:08 I'm in treatment.

33:10 Drew Good. Oh, you're living in a residential facility, right?

33:14 Caller Yeah.

33:15 Drew I remember this. I was actually out of town when she called me.

33:18 Shocking.

33:18 Drew Yeah. I know.

33:19 Shocking.

33:19 Drew Hard to do the math.

33:21 Adam Shocking.

33:22 Caller Okay.

33:23 Adam Yeah.

33:23 Drew But you're living in a place for young people with issues.

33:28 Caller Yeah.

33:29 Drew Yeah. And you were starting to act out sexually, and we were urging you to follow the advice or listen to the team.

33:35 Adam Did they give it a good name?

33:36 Drew What? The facility.

33:38 Oh, yeah.

33:38 Adam It's usually named after someone you haven't heard of or some euphemistic like Covenant House or something like that.

33:44 Caller You know, the name of the city is Plus Children's Home.

33:47 Adam Oh, OK.

33:48 Where?

33:49 Drew Plus?

33:50 Adam Yeah. The Children's Home tacked on to the end of the city name.

33:53 Drew But the name of the city is Plus?

33:55 Adam No, no. Plus.

33:56 Drew Oh, Plus.

33:57 Adam Oh, my God.

33:58 Drew Oh, my God. You going to school right now?

34:01 Adam Right now?

34:01 Caller Yeah, I live there. Wow.

34:04 Adam Yeah. So give us the give us a full name just just because we're curious.

34:07 Caller St. Cloud Children's Home.

34:08 Adam OK.

34:09 Drew What am I? Something on my ears tonight. St. Cloud. Oh, it's St. Cloud.

34:12 Adam Children's Home.

34:13 Drew There's a university up there.

34:15 Adam You think it's like a cost plus place, right?

34:17 Drew Yeah.

34:17 Adam Yeah. Kids Plus. It's great. What do you need? You looking for kids? What do you look for? Asian? We're out of Asia. We got plenty of Blacks and Mexicans. But a white kid? We'll see what we can find.

34:28 Drew We'll send you out to Kids Are Us for that.

34:30 Adam Send out to Kids Are Us. Kids Plus out there. Yeah.

34:34 Caller All right.

34:35 Adam So, uh...

34:36 Caller I am very male dependent and I have a boyfriend. Everyone in my cottage is telling me to go single for a week for a month. Because I did it when I was in lockup for five months. And I hated it. Now I'm in the open cottage.

34:51 Drew Yeah, but Chrissy, this is all part of that same drive you had to be sexually intimate with other people, to fuse with other people. That's a very powerful drive to sort of lose yourself into another person. And that's a very, it's a common urge, but in your situation where you have all these issues, it can become a problem. And part of what you're going to need to get better is to spend some time just alone, examining how you feel when you are alone. Because when you are in those fused relationships, you refuse and you can't look at anything else. All you feel, you know, you feel disconnected to the other person and what he feels you feel. And that's a pathological situation.

35:27 Adam It's not that many places that have lockdowns and cottages.

35:31 Caller Cottages in the children's home.

35:34 Adam Right. Now, you know, my dad used to work at a place like that. Cool. Yeah, they had little cottages. They got little den parents. They have their meals, say their prayers. It's nice, except for there's boys there who are troubled, too, and people are bound to act out.

35:50 Caller Well, when cottage shoe may lock up, it was co-ed, and now I'm in the open cottage with all girls.

35:58 Drew Yeah, stay, stay. I agree with your, your cohorts, or whoever's telling you to spend some time alone. You need to examine things. If you don't change and grow now, when are you going to?

36:07 Adam Where do you, do you go to school outside of the, the residence?

36:11 Drew No, it's part of it.

36:12 Adam Part of it. Well, cause sometimes, sometimes they'll let some of the kids go out to local whatever, and then some hang in.

36:18 Drew You're right.

36:18 Adam Depending on what they can handle. If you're under 12.

36:22 Caller Yeah, then you go to another school.

36:23 Drew Oh really? These by the way, the kind of facility that Chrissy is in are really good. I mean, they get a lot of good work.

36:29 Adam Yeah.

36:29 Drew It's a good thing you're there, take advantage of it. Follow directions, trust other people, and see what happens.

36:34 Adam I mean, imagine if you're in one of those places 75 years ago. Some alcoholic priest banging you and beating the crap out of you. Just raping you with a Bible. I mean, think of the weird dark tales that went into place.

36:49 Drew Places like that in the past.

36:51 Adam No medications, just basic exorcisms basically.

36:54 Drew Right. And they knew they were going to have kids who couldn't defend themselves and who were victims, and victimizers were drawn into them.

37:00 Adam Yeah. Father O'Malley is here to preside over the entire place. He's a pedophile. No one's going to listen to what you have to say. You just get the crap beat out of you if you do pipe up.

37:13 Beesh.

37:15 Adam Movie. Yeah. Father Pedophile. Wait a minute. All right.

37:20 Gotta get that down.

37:22 Drew Father. Yes. Well, during the break.

37:24 Adam All right. Well, we'll hash it out. When we come back, Drew, you want to talk to testosterone injections?

37:29 Drew Yeah, Brian.

37:30 Adam Possibly get a girl pregnant. Okay. All that. Why would you get testosterone injections?

37:34 Drew Steroids probably. I mean, it's probably bodybuilding.

37:38 Adam It says he gets them, like some medical thing. Brian?

37:42 Drew Yeah.

37:44 Adam Are you getting this? Why are you getting this testosterone injections?

37:47 Caller Well, I'm a bodybuilder.

37:50 Adam Oh, all right. Well, Drew's right. Hold on. Take a quick break. Be right back after this. Yeah, tell you what, man, gotta get it on. Yeah. Hell, yeah. Get it on. Oh, Drew.

38:19 Drew Yeah.

38:20 Adam You were out of town the last couple of nights. They've been doing major freeway work.

38:25 Drew Nice.

38:25 Adam Shocker. Yeah.

38:27 Drew Well, let me guess. There's those those freeway signs that are there every night that spent probably 100 million dollars setting up. They must give you detailed accounts of detours and where to go, what the routes are that are their blood. No. Really? Those freeway signs that are those huge, huge billboards, the ones that always light up and tell you about the Amber Alerts and what's going on on the DeVore Pass.

38:51 Adam Yes. This is how I know no one in this city gives a rat's ass. This is how you know. Here's how you know when people don't care. When people don't do things that take a lot of work and a lot of effort and bend over backwards in a lot of trouble, that doesn't mean they don't care. That just means they're not going to spend a whole bunch of time and money making your life better. Right.

39:15 Drew They don't care a lot.

39:16 Adam They don't care a lot. But when they just don't do things that they could easily do, that are totally reasonable in the flip of a button, they're just telling everyone just to F off.

39:27 Drew Yes.

39:27 Adam They just don't. This city cares less than any city I've ever experienced or ever lived in or ever been around.

39:34 Drew Yeah.

39:35 Adam Here's the thing. Every single night, Drew and I drive home the same direction. They're doing major work on the freeways now, and I get spat out in the middle of downtown, can't get back on the other direction, and I'm now just driving through the badlands in the middle of the night.

39:51 Drew And some people appreciate we probably cover 20 miles to get home. I mean, not a small distance.

39:56 Adam No, and the other night, you're out of town, but couldn't get back on. And then when I got back on, couldn't get on to the 101, heading for Dodger Stadium after I fished my way back on. Now, the thing that makes me want to dive on Mayor Reardon or Viragosa or whatever retard and just bite him in the carotid artery with my incisors, the thing that makes me want to leap on him and do that is we pass under these huge freeway signs that are just blank. Then normally they light up when a kid's missing or they'll light up, well, only when a kid's missing.

40:33 Drew They'll light up within three minutes of that.

40:34 Adam They'll say click it or tick it.

40:36 Drew Oh yeah.

40:36 Adam Yeah, nice little positive things like slow down or you're gonna get a ticket.

40:39 Drew Occasionally, you know, wildfire off the DeVore Pass or the El Toro wire. Right. And things like 60 miles from where we are.

40:46 Adam God damn forbid they tell you that the entire downtown freeway is shut two miles from where you are. No, they wouldn't want to give you a heads up on that. No, you could get off and do something. I'd get off on La Brea and drive through town. But no, I can just get spat out in the middle of downtown and some barrio.

41:04 Drew You know, part of the problem is although everyone here comes from everywhere else, people don't spend a lot of time visiting other cities. You know, when you're LA, you're sort of busy and you're here. We see how nice other cities cause some pilot and how well other cities take care of their population.

41:18 Adam Yeah.

41:18 Drew It really gets you going.

41:19 Adam I know. It's just it's here's the deal. People didn't come here to start a community.

41:24 Drew Right.

41:24 Adam It's every man for themselves. And I think it's the same with the officials and the same with everyone who works in this place. It's just F you every man for themselves. And I'm going berserk. Now the problem is, is I don't know when the freeway is going to be closed off and when it's not, because it's every third day, it's every other day. I'm not sure if I should get on it and try it. And you won't find out until it's too late. Now you just go to downtown. You're in the warehouse district and you can try to fish your way through a winding labyrinth of one way, one way streets. And then if you get back on the freeway, it's not sure that you're not going to have to get off again. That's the awesome part.

42:03 Drew Yeah.

42:03 Adam It's awesome.

42:03 Drew Let's finish with Brian real quick.

42:04 Yeah.

42:05 Drew So Brian, you're taking androgens for bodybuilding, right?

42:09 Caller Yeah. What's up, guys?

42:10 Drew And you understand that's not the safest thing in the world to be doing.

42:13 Adam By the way, once I get spat out into downtown, it is Omega Man time for me. I ran 11 red lights.

42:21 Drew I follow you, by the way.

42:22 Adam Drive right through them. My whole thing is, please, first off, I'd love to see a cop right now because I'm scared. I'm scared assless. That's it. Number two, if you give me a ticket for running through this red light, I swear we're going to have a Waco Ruby Ridge situation here. Because if you idiots had taken your job seriously at all and put something on that goddamn multimillion dollar sign that I bought, the three that I passed under, I wouldn't be in the middle of downtown at four in the morning driving in a circle. Gee, I swear. Look, I think we could sue them.

42:55 Drew I hope so. I'll be on that class action.

42:58 Adam Oh, I'm telling you, I gotta go on some kind of website and find out if the freeway is closed or not because who put it on the sign?

43:06 Drew Let's see if there is something like that. So Brian, you understand that taking androgens and anabolic steroids is a risky thing, right?

43:15 Caller I do understand, yeah.

43:17 Drew And it's common in my world to see people get addicted to steroids and it often coexists with opiates and or stimulant addiction.

43:25 Caller And say, watch out.

43:26 Adam The world of ex-gay porn stars?

43:28 Drew No.

43:29 Adam What world is that?

43:30 Drew The what?

43:32 Adam Yes.

43:32 Caller About the addiction? Oh yeah, I understand. The thing with me is that it kind of keeps me, it kind of actually keeps me out of trouble. I'm not promoting them at all, but they are a risk and they are bad for you in a lot of aspects, but it kind of keeps me living healthy. It gives me a reason to live healthy. But you are correct.

43:51 Drew So you're an addict then?

43:54 Caller Well no, this is actually my second time around, but I can definitely see how it would become an addiction for the way it makes you feel and the results you get. I can definitely see that, yes.

44:05 Drew I was just waiting to just sort of parrot back to your logic. My logic is I take dangerous drugs that could kill me and have an adverse impact on my health to keep me living right.

44:15 Adam That's what keeps them on a straight and narrow drug. For some it's heroin, for others it's coke, for Brian it's testosterone. That's what keeps you on a straight and narrow.

44:25 Caller You know what? I tell my friends this is my drug of choice. They can do their coke and their heroin, but it's different.

44:33 Adam What keeps me upright is arson.

44:35 Drew I've lost it.

44:36 Adam That's what keeps me on a straight and narrow drug.

44:37 Drew I've lost a number.

44:38 Adam It keeps me on the prize.

44:39 Drew I've lost a number of patients to androgenic steroids, either from stroke, heart disease, manias, and depression with suicide.

44:48 Adam Well here's the deal, because I saw a whole special on this. They don't have a ton of definitive evidence about what these things do. You're playing, you're screwing around, you're playing with nature a little bit, and it does have a way of biting you in the ass. It doesn't have to, but it usually does have a way of biting you in the ass. So at 19, because, look, I understand if it's a business. I mean, hey, if you're a pro wrestler and you've got to make hay while the sun shines and everyone else is on the juice and you're essentially being punished for not being on it because everyone else is on it or you couldn't do it, then you go do it. If you're 19 and you just want to look good in a tank top, you should get over that.

45:30 Drew Well, let me ask a question real quick before we go to the break. What's the question, Brian?

45:34 Caller Okay, well, the question is, I had sex with my girlfriend last night, and I don't know if you're familiar with Dr. Drew, the testosterone injection is actually reducing your sperm count to very, very minimal numbers like that.

45:47 Drew Well, it's hard to predict what that number is going to be, though. First of all, it will spring back after a while, if you've been on it for a while, and whether or not it's enough to get a girl pregnant, it's almost impossible to predict, so she has to take the morning after pill.

45:58 Caller Okay.

45:59 Adam All right. All right.

46:00 Drew It does, of course. Whenever you take some hormone from the outside, it shuts down your body's normal hormone production, as it has a compensation to try to get you back towards normal levels, and you're taking extra super high levels, so it shuts things down very substantially. But whether or not it shuts it down enough to not cause a pregnancy, I wouldn't count on that.

46:18 Adam We'll take a break. We'll be back after this. Drew, phone number 1-800-LO- All right, you ready to go, Drew? We got on the Caltrans website and tried to figure out about these freeway signs and freeway closures, and it was last updated in February 2004.

47:13 Drew Yeah.

47:14 Adam 2004.

47:15 Drew That's probably the last time they had something on one of those signs.

47:17 Adam Yeah.

47:18 Drew I think that's about right, by the way. I haven't not seen any messages up there in a couple, a year and a half.

47:22 Adam Yeah. Yep. Well, they don't care, everybody.

47:27 Drew Oh, they care. Your city cares.

47:28 Adam Oh, yeah.

47:29 Drew How dare you?

47:29 Adam They care about my goddamn tax money. That's where it ends. Look, here's, I don't know who I was talking to about this, maybe just a group of horrified people that are paid to listen to me. But I really started breaking down the difference between people that are just being paid and there's no competition, sort of basically communism and capitalism. And you know, I said, well, I'll tell you, it's pretty much the difference between UPS and the post office. UPS guys, you see run. They are running. Maybe they don't even have doors on their cars. They're just running. I think we were talking about in here one night. I'm not sure if you're in here or not, but they run, man. I mean, they haul ass. People, they wear shorts because they have to. They wear shorts.

48:21 Drew Running shorts.

48:21 Adam They wear shorts not because it's hot. They wear shorts like basketball players wear shorts. You just couldn't do it in jeans. Chicks are running. Dudes are running. Everyone's running. Why? Because they get paid like some kind of base amount, like 40 grand or whatever. And then the next 50 is based on performance. That's that's where the running part comes in. Cart trucks still rolling. Dudes doing a shoulder roll out of the thing, sprinting upstairs, a bunch of packets, bunch of parcels. Now, when's the last time you saw a postman running? Garbage man running, DMV employee. Ever seen you running? Seen you post? They seen you running going on? No. BCUPS guys run.

49:01 Drew Oh yeah, and FedEx, woo, woo, woo.

49:03 Adam Those guys are running. Why? A, they got each other, and then B, they get paid based on performance. Don't see the Caltrans guys doing too much running unless a drunk driver gets sideways. Other than that, a lot of hanging. Not so much running. And that's the way it works, everyone. And this is why, this is why communism could never, ever, ever, ever work in a billion years. All right. Tara?

49:34 Yeah.

49:34 Adam You're 20?

49:36 Caller Yeah.

49:36 Adam Here's a deal.

49:37 Drew Hold on a second, Tara.

49:38 Adam The second you tell the UPS guy, look, you're getting 50 grand a year, whether you deliver 100 packages a day or two packages a day.

49:45 Drew Jeans.

49:45 Adam Jeans come in. Slacks. And the running stops. In go the Nikes, on go the wafer thin tassel European loafers and the two hour lunch break.

49:56 Drew Thongs.

49:57 Adam Flip flops. Yeah. That's it. That's the day the running stops. Go ahead, Tara.

50:04 Caller For three days now, my clitoris has been swollen really bad, not in any way pleasurable. And I ruled out a yeast infection. I haven't been wearing anything that's been irritating it, and not to sound like a floozy, but in the last three days, I've been wearing skirts and airing everything out.

50:25 Drew How did you rule out a yeast infection?

50:27 Caller I've had one before, and I didn't have any of the symptoms. It's not itchy. I didn't have an irregular discharge or anything.

50:36 Drew You still might want to put some anti-yeast medicine on there, just to be sure. But have you had any recent...

50:41 I'm sorry, go ahead.

50:42 Drew Have you had any recent sexual contact?

50:44 Caller Yeah. I mean, my boyfriend and I have sex like every day, and I don't know, I just don't know why it hasn't gone down, though.

50:53 Drew Because you've continued to have irritated sex every day. That's ridiculous. You've got to take some warm baths and give yourself about a week break here. You've just overdone things.

51:05 Caller Okay. Do I put an ointment on it? No, hot baths, hot baths, hot baths, water, nothing on it.

51:11 Drew Yeah, just hot baths and time and nothing that you're touching.

51:14 Adam Little A1.

51:16 Drew A1.

51:17 Adam Meat tenderizer brings swelling down. Believe it, man.

51:20 Believe it.

51:21 Drew The model's secret?

51:22 Adam Yeah. So your boyfriend's gonna have to go back door for a couple of days until the swelling goes down.

51:26 Oh, no, none of that.

51:27 Drew Now, Tara's from Laguna Beach. She's about the same age as all those kids on that show. I spent a lot of time in Laguna.

51:34 Caller Oh, I didn't even want to stay where I was from because of this.

51:36 Drew No, I spent a lot of time in Laguna. I kind of grew up in Laguna.

51:38 Adam Nice.

51:39 It's a very nice area.

51:40 Drew You know, down by what where Dukes used to be and now it's a Ruby's?

51:43 Adam Yeah, he's talking to me right there. Wow. Nice.

51:46 Caller I had breakfast there this morning.

51:48 Adam You had breakfast at Ruby's?

51:50 Caller Yeah. Why not?

51:52 Adam No, I know. You don't find it strange.

51:53 Drew So did you go high school? Did you go high school? Yeah, I pulled that up.

51:55 Adam Brought up the name of the place you ate breakfast?

51:58 Caller Yeah. I don't mind.

52:00 Drew Okay.

52:01 Adam I know you don't mind. I understand we don't have a Terra cam that we check in with.

52:05 Drew Do you think it's weird that I brought that up?

52:08 Caller No.

52:08 Adam No.

52:09 Drew Okay. It's about Terra.

52:10 Adam You must be hot, Terra.

52:12 Caller No.

52:13 Adam Yes.

52:14 Drew Do you go to school with it?

52:14 Adam Let me tell you something about hot chicks. Let me tell you something about hot chicks. They're rarely impressed. When you know stuff about them, they're like, you know, you get a hot chick and you're like, you're Virgo, your grandmother died on your ninth birthday, and your first car was a red 87 Toyota Tercel. They'd be like, uh-huh. So anyway. So what? Yeah, I'm hot. Of course you know about me. It's your job. I'm hot. I'm not supposed to know about you. I'm not supposed to know about wars. I'm not supposed to know about politics. I'm not supposed to know anything. You're supposed to know about me. Who's the hot one here?

52:47 Drew Yeah. Let's see if she knew those kids that went to.

52:49 Adam I just want to make sure it was okay with her that you knew the place she ate breakfast today.

52:53 Drew Isn't that weird?

52:53 Adam She seemed like it was okay. She gave you a pass on it, but I don't want you to offend her.

52:56 Drew Let me ask some more questions. Yeah. Hey Tara. Yeah. Do you live in LaGoneta or Victoria Cove?

53:02 No, no.

53:03 Drew How dare I? Yeah. Did you go to high school with any of these kids from that show?

53:08 Caller Unfortunately, yes.

53:11 Drew Give us some insight.

53:12 Adam What's the problem? You're talking about the real Laguna, the real OC?

53:15 Drew My daughter and wife watch that thing like it's the Zabruder type.

53:18 Caller It's really bad.

53:19 Caller I feel like you have to read a book afterwards.

53:21 Caller It's so unintelligent. It's hard on our town.

53:28 There's five million more people in it now.

53:30 Caller It's already small enough and touristy enough.

53:33 Adam Oh, it's drawing people.

53:35 Drew I was there a lot this summer. I was there quite a bit this summer. I did not notice any more people than usual. It's always crowded in the summer.

53:42 Caller Well, I work in town as well. I won't say where.

53:45 Drew Why not? Tell us where you work.

53:46 Caller No, no, no.

53:48 Drew The White House.

53:49 Caller No, no, no. But I know art. It's just a small town. It's like you live here and you don't want the tourists. But when you work there, you need them. So, it's kind of...

53:59 Adam All right. Well, you need them, right? Because you work there. All right. Quit your whining there.

54:02 Caller Drew, she has a huge clit. She doesn't want everyone to know who she is.

54:05 Adam Yeah. Drew, you keep... I know you're... Drew, you're so thick. The word for Drew would just be thick. Doesn't know what's going on around him. Lives in his own world of make-believe. Unicorns, rainbows, leprechauns, fairies. A poor girl. So you got a clit that looks like Fred Flintstone's thumb after he hits it with a sledgehammer.

54:28 Drew Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

54:31 Adam It's red, it's throbbing. You're like, what's your home address? We're just sitting here out of Windraker. What's your full name, sweetie? That's what it says on your driver's license? Well, where are you working? I'm sending some folks in there tomorrow, say hi. Come on down. I don't feel bad. All right, good. She was trying to be tactful, Drew. Drew is so immersed in the Laguna Beach lifestyle. Elizabeth?

55:00 Elizabeth?

55:01 Drew We can barely hear you.

55:02 Can we hear you?

55:07 Adam We're having a tough time. I'll put you on hold for a second, see if things clear up. Now gets headaches every time he chanclizes a custody 15-year-old sister. Oh, this sounds hairy. Tiffany?

55:20 I'm on. Hey, what's up?

55:22 Adam What's up? 23. What's going on?

55:26 Not much. So my question is, like last time my mom came to visit, cause my 15-year-old sister lives with me. And we live in Los Angeles and they live in Needles, California. But my mom is dating an 18-year-old who she met through my sister, cause my sister was dating him.

55:45 Drew Oh, God.

55:46 And it, like, messes with me.

55:47 Adam Hold on. Jew, am I right?

55:50 What?

55:50 Adam Jewish? You guys are Jews?

55:53 No, we're not Jewish.

55:54 Adam Oh, my God.

55:56 Drew You are 100% right. You talk about me being thick. What do we call you?

56:01 Adam I don't know. I usually have cat-like instincts. I know people.

56:05 Drew No, fair, fair. I say fair.

56:07 Adam I go off 100% of the time when I make that Jew call. I'm sorry. I hear mother dating an 18 year old, Needles, California, sister raising the younger sister. I think Jew.

56:20 Drew Yeah, you're on to something.

56:21 Adam Wow. Just never been more wrong. Never. It's crazy.

56:25 Drew They've never been right, so.

56:27 Adam She's got them right in everything else. Wow. It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong.

56:35 Drew How old is your mom? Just out of curiosity.

56:37 44.

56:38 Drew 44.

56:39 Adam Dating an 18 year old.

56:40 Drew She's dating an 18 year old who is your sister's ex-boyfriend and you have custody of your sister because your mom's a drug addict?

56:48 No. That's a weird thing. I think she's smoking pot and drinking and smoking cigarettes now but she doesn't do hard drugs.

56:57 Drew Anymore?

56:58 Yeah. Not since like my sister was born. Or I was born. I don't remember.

57:05 Adam It's funny. It's weird when you're a junkie and you're living in needles.

57:10 Drew No. That's not so weird.

57:11 Adam No. It's not uncommon but I find it ironic.

57:14 Drew Ironic. Yes.

57:15 Adam Yeah. It's like if you're a stoner and you lived in Balm County.

57:18 Drew Right. It's a little cartoon like.

57:19 Adam It's funny.

57:20 Drew Yeah.

57:21 Adam You know, not funny. Ha ha funny queer but not gay.

57:24 Drew Yeah.

57:25 Adam Tiffany. Yeah. So you're living in Los Angeles. Have you noticed those freeway signs are not high on Tiffany's priority list? No. So those big freeway signs are always blank.

57:38 Drew Tiffany's not driving a car. I'm sad.

57:41 I don't know.

57:42 Adam I can't hear Tiffany anymore.

57:44 Drew I got you.

57:45 OK. Yeah.

57:46 Adam We got you ever got any useful information off one of those freeway signs?

57:51 Drew No.

57:51 But there's one where there's an exit where it's like Culver City, two miles, something else, two miles, but it takes like two hours to get there.

57:59 Drew Oh, those aren't those are actual.

58:01 Adam Yeah. No, they have they do. They do once in a while put some thing up that says no.

58:05 Drew She's talking about the signs. I mean, just the plain old exit, the green exit signs.

58:11 Adam No. No. I mean, we're talking about the electronic ones.

58:14 Drew Shouldn't know they exist. Yeah.

58:16 I've only seen those for the amber alert.

58:20 Drew Right. Right. Right.

58:22 Adam It's the only thing they it's it's.

58:24 Drew No one knows you're talking about.

58:25 Adam No, she knows what we're talking about.

58:26 Drew I have to explain.

58:27 Adam Here's the whole thing about here's why I'm tortured. I am not only sort of irritated, but out of my skin, beside myself, pissed off about things that no one else seems to notice around here.

58:41 Drew And when you try to explain it, they don't.

58:42 Adam That are, in my eyes, egregious in the reason this city sucks and doesn't move. And everyone else is just a sort of brain dead lemming who's either stoned or apathetic. They're thinking about their hometown of Buffalo, New York, and they're not interested, not interested in turning right when they can turn right legally on a red, not interested in the left turn arrows that they're all dying behind, not interested in anything. Where's the outrage? Where's the indignation? We should be rising up.

59:13 Drew Here's a good, Tiffany's a good example of where it is. She's busy with some other stuff.

59:17 Adam Ah, Tiffany?

59:19 Yeah.

59:19 Adam Alright, so the question is...

59:22 Drew What's the question?

59:23 Adam What is the question?

59:23 Well, it's like, last time my mom came down, she brought her boyfriend, she always brings them, and she goes to like, Huntington Beach all the time, and goes to punk rock shows that I went to when I was 16, at like the same venues and everything. And I already made it very clear that her and him cannot spend the night. But when she comes to visit us, she still brings him. And last time she brought him, like, I went out that night and I came home to my sister and her other friend, totally just drunk, throwing up all over, and it really, you know, affects her emotionally to where, like, she acts out in this way. And it's like, how do I tell my mom without hurting her? My mom's kind of like a child. How do I tell her that she can't bring him over anymore? That's why I'm like, I'm like an oyster and everything.

1:00:09 Drew Tiffany, Tiffany, you treat her like a child. It's awful that you have to become the parent of your own mom, but you treat her that way. It's like, no, this is not okay. Well, it's not gonna work. You can come stay with us, but you can't-

1:00:19 She's kind of like excuses and manipulates, and, you know, she's asked me like a thousand times if they could spend the night and how she would rather give us the money for food and instead spend it on a motel and la da da da da.

1:00:30 Drew Whatever, you just gotta stand firm.

1:00:34 Adam What do you do for a living?

1:00:37 I work at Ralph's, so I don't make very much money. So it's hard enough.

1:00:41 Adam Alright.

1:00:42 Drew But they back off on the cigarettes a little bit.

1:00:44 Adam That'll be a few few ducats that way. What do you do over there?

1:00:50 I work in the deli.

1:00:51 Adam Alright. Well, you got a union, right?

1:00:53 Drew It's good.

1:00:54 Yeah, but it's not really the same. Same as you don't make money like everyone thinks you make money. I make $7.55 an hour. They don't make $18 unless you give them like half your life.

1:01:06 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

1:01:07 Alright.

1:01:09 Adam Yeah. No, you got bigger and better things. What do you want to do?

1:01:13 I actually want to be a kindergarten teacher.

1:01:16 Adam Awesome. So here's the thing, Tiffany. Your mother's a horrible mother. Otherwise, you wouldn't be raising her other daughter, right? You owe her no respect. But here's the thing, everybody. Here's what everyone does. Everyone has these horrible relationships, horrible relationships with their father, their mother, their families. Chaotic. It's horrible. It's a mess. But yet, like the siren song, they're drawn to it. It's the chaos. They're attracted to it. Here's the thing. Your mom is an alcoholic. She's a drug user.

1:01:52 Drew And by the way, don't assume she's just smoking pot and drinking. She's into it again. Big time.

1:01:56 Adam She is. She's a horrible parent, even by Loveline standards. She's dating some 18 year old who's her youngest daughter's boyfriend. It got. God knows, you know, what he's a drug addict. What planet this guy's from. You owe them nothing. And you don't have to get reacquainted with them. You don't have to be courteous to them. You don't have to afford them the same respect that you would others. You owe them nothing. You're doing enough by raising her daughter.

1:02:25 Drew Yeah.

1:02:25 Adam So you go out and work hard. You set limits. You set parameters. That's it.

1:02:30 Drew Preserving your mother's delicate sensibilities. You're not going to hurt her. Listen, just be firm. That's all.

1:02:37 Adam I'm going to give everyone a sagely piece of advice. You do not need to worry about what bad people think of you. People seem to think that everyone's opinion or everyone's vote is the same. When a really good person, somebody you respect and someone you admire says, wow, that hurt me, or wow, I don't like that, or wow, you broke my heart, that's something you should listen to. When a drug abuser, horrible parent, abusive parent, whatever, out of hand neighbor, whatever, abusive boss, whoever it is, if you don't like them or they're not treating you right or they've done you wrong and they don't like you, good.

1:03:19 Drew But not just the like or dislike part, don't worry about preserving their delicate sensibilities. They need, by the way, you're helping them when you contain them.

1:03:26 Adam Right.

1:03:27 Drew They can't contain themselves, fine, you put the limits up.

1:03:29 Adam People don't understand the difference between Gandhi and Hitler, it's like they're both human beings and I don't want to disappoint either one of them. You should hope that bad people don't like you. I like the fact that a lot of who I've labeled A-holes don't like me. I'm fine with that. You should strive for that.

1:03:46 Drew Speaking of A-holes, you see where you made the clip of the week on The Soup with Steve-O?

1:03:52 Adam No, my wife told me something about that. Was there some sort of weekly something?

1:03:57 Drew The Soup, yeah, just as a review of the talk show stuff.

1:04:00 Adam Yeah, I know the show.

1:04:03 Drew We did it. We hosted it. It used to be called Talk Soup.

1:04:06 Adam You remember how much trouble we got doing that?

1:04:10 Drew We've had the host, the current host up here a bunch, just a couple of times.

1:04:12 Adam We, Drew and I, hosted Talk Soup one time. I think Jimmy and I hosted it one time. Maybe I did it alone, or maybe we did it, maybe we've done it three times, but anyway. Drew and I, we did it the one time, right? You and I. And do you remember that? Do you remember why they got PO'd at me?

1:04:29 Drew Because you wouldn't read the prompter.

1:04:31 Adam But do you remember the week leading up into that?

1:04:35 Drew Where they wouldn't send you the scripts and stuff? No.

1:04:38 Adam Remember the part where I said, just clear the prompter. I'm not going to read the teleprompter.

1:04:42 Drew Oh, yes.

1:04:43 Adam Clear the teleprompter.

1:04:44 Drew I said it repeatedly.

1:04:45 Adam Put the beats in. Just put the story and put the time and we'll riff and then we'll throw it to the next clip. Instead, let me tell you something about Talk Soup or now Soup Now. It is a thesaurus worth of words just streaming past. I mean, they write it out and it's good writing.

1:05:04 Drew It's every word.

1:05:05 Adam But they write it verbatim. They write it word for word and they write it well. It doesn't work when two people try to face each other and say, you know, hey, Drew, but what about this? And then turn back and look at the camera and then look back and say, are you crazy? I disagree. Because the prompt, there's just, and then when you look at it, for me, especially, you know, when you read at a fourth grade level.

1:05:25 Drew Back then, your reading wasn't as good as it is now.

1:05:27 Adam Yeah, I probably read at a second grade level back then. When I look at the prompt, believe me, back then, there were, you know, Japanese zygotes that could read better than I. I would look at the prompt there and just see a sea of words. And now I wasn't sure what clip to throw it to or whatever it was. So we told them, I told them three days in advance, I'm not going to read the prompt or put the beats in. Just put the clips in, put the big beats and we'll throw it to, you know, boom, boom. Did it called on the way in and told them to clear the prompt there. Now then we sat down, Jumbotron full of the stuff.

1:06:04 Drew I remember going into the, so make of them going, well, here it is. It's like, we told you, oh, it'll be fine. Just here it is, here it is. It's like, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, here, here, here.

1:06:12 Adam Right. And you went, clear the prompt there. So then we sat down, they didn't clear the prompt there. We tried to muddle through the whole thing, but we couldn't find out what the next clip was and what the time was. I think at the very end somebody said, why don't we just clear everything out but the time in the next clip? And that way these guys can do their beats and throw it to the clip. And I had the, like, the temerity, the audacity, or the nerve after a thing to say, why didn't you guys just do this the four times I told you to do it before I got here? We could have got through this an hour faster. And they're like, whoa, wow, what was that?

1:06:50 Drew You're quiet down, Mr. Celebrity.

1:06:52 Adam Oh my god, it was an attack. It's like I took a folding chair and just took a swing at somebody. It was like, oh, this guy's a problem now. Drew, what is that? People want apologies now. Somebody wanted an apology. The feelings were hurt. Just do what I told you to do. All right. Drew, but can I get a witness?

1:07:14 Drew Is that not this town, though? Just summarize everything that goes on here.

1:07:18 Adam You tell someone to do something 140 times, the 145th time you raise your voice, they're like, whoa, now I'm not going to stay if you're going to be abusive.

1:07:28 Oh, my God.

1:07:29 Drew Remember that? Oh, yeah.

1:07:31 Adam They wanted an apology.

1:07:33 Drew Yeah.

1:07:33 Adam I was like, screw yourself. Do your job.

1:07:36 Drew Anyway, you're on it again.

1:07:38 Adam Fantastic.

1:07:39 Drew Courtesy of Steve.

1:07:40 Adam We'll take ourselves a quick break. Be right back after this.

1:07:45 Caller Loveline, Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew.

1:07:47 The phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:07:49 Drew We'll be right back.

1:08:01 Adam Yeah, Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191-er. I'm gonna talk to Elizabeth, whose fiance passed away two weeks before their wedding. Wants to hook up with dad?

1:08:17 Drew His dad?

1:08:20 Adam Let me just say something, then we'll talk to Elizabeth. I work with a bunch of guys that are Red Sox maniacs.

1:08:30 Drew There you go again.

1:08:31 Adam And every year, it just comes down to this stuff where their whole mood, everything is sort of based on what goes on. And of course, it's hard to get work done because they're obsessed. You know, the game's going on. Now, here's the thing, football's played on a Sunday. Nobody ever misses any work on a Sunday afternoon. Baseball, it's all week, it's all day, it's all whatever. The Sox game's on at four in the afternoon, three in the afternoon, one in the afternoon, you know, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, games on. When you're obsessed with it, are you kidding me? You think you can just go to work? Or you think once you're at work, you can just work? You can't do it.

1:09:08 Drew That's what obsession's about.

1:09:10 Adam Now, I'm watching the football games, I'm watching the Raiders game, and I've seen playing half the goddamn game is played on the infield now. It's all in the dirt, it's all in the diamond. You know, this is that time of the football season when the baseball season is still going on, even though the A's have been eliminated. And I'm watching Oakland play at home, and every single thing takes place on the infield, because the infield runs right through the middle of the field and right between like the 30-yard lines and right in the middle of the-

1:09:37 Drew Are there any cities that still have it?

1:09:39 Adam Are you kidding? Half of them are that way. Still run around on the dirt. And I think to myself, how much baseball do we need? 163 games. You can't settle it in 100. We couldn't figure out who the best team was in 100 games. It's got to bleed in and ruin the sanctity of the nobility and the beauty of football with this crappy baseball and everyone with their obsessions and the rotisserie leagues. Now I got guys who can't come to Jimmy's house and watch the game today, the die-hard football fans because the Sox are playing today, because the Yankees are playing, you understand? There's baseball going on today.

1:10:18 Drew They can't watch both at his thing?

1:10:20 Adam Well, over at Jimmy's house, we're going to watch nine football games. They're scared they're not going to have time with their beloved Sox, beloved Yankees, beloved fill-in-the-blanks. So now there's a game on Sunday, so they have to stay home and watch that and can't socialize with us, because really 162, 163 games, really? Each game has to count for less than one. Couldn't we just do it 100? What other sport do we need more than 100?

1:10:46 Drew But it's not, it's about the whole experience of going out in the park and blah, blah, blah.

1:10:50 Adam I'm tired of it. I'm tired of baseball. I'm tired of people talking about it. It's a pussy sport. It's enough. It's enough already. God, please, I can't take it. I work with Sox fanatics, and it's the same. They live and they die. They're depressed. You can't talk to them. You know, oh, God forbid they lose or they get eliminated or something. Oh, well, they're not going to be right for a few weeks. It's just like working with a bunch of moody alcoholics. It's like having your dad, you know, when you go in and ask for a raise in your allowance. I don't think so. He just got fired and he's sitting in his boobs pretty good. I'm not going in there. It's good times. How far does baseball season need to bleed into football season?

1:11:33 Drew Halfway, evidently.

1:11:34 Caller All right.

1:11:35 Adam Just a hundred games. That's enough. Elizabeth?

1:11:40 Caller Yes. Can you hear me now?

1:11:41 Drew That's better.

1:11:42 Adam Twenty-three. Yeah. So your fiance passed away two weeks before your wedding.

1:11:48 Caller Yes, he did.

1:11:49 Drew What happened?

1:11:52 Caller We don't know exactly. They just found him on a couch and he had gone and they did an autopsy. They came back with nothing, essentially. They told us it was a seizure disorder, although he'd never had a seizure in his life. He's 24 years old and perfectly healthy.

1:12:11 Drew Was he drinking or doing drugs or anything?

1:12:13 Caller No, he didn't drink, didn't do drugs or anything.

1:12:16 Drew No medication?

1:12:18 Caller No, no. I mean, he was an athlete and he was perfectly fine.

1:12:23 Adam Wow.

1:12:24 Drew That does not make sense. Yeah, it doesn't.

1:12:26 Adam Well, it doesn't make sense that they didn't give you any...

1:12:28 Drew Well, first of all, cause for the seizure and B, to have seizureing severe enough. What?

1:12:34 Adam Well, you hear about athletes dropping dead, but it's usually after hot football practice.

1:12:39 Drew That's a cardiac thing.

1:12:40 Adam Not on the sofa.

1:12:41 Drew Right. This is a seizure related phenomenon that they say, and how the hell they knew that. It's very bizarre because you can have seizures from low oxygen to your brain caused by heart problems and other things. So it's weird that they would conclude seizure and then not give you a cause for the seizure and then for seizureing to be severe enough to be the primary issue to causing death, they have to be severe. That usually seizures don't hurt people.

1:13:05 Caller It's been very difficult to accept that answer. There's really nothing we can do about it.

1:13:09 Drew Was it a coroner's case?

1:13:12 Caller I'm sorry what?

1:13:13 Drew Was it a coroner's case?

1:13:16 Caller Yeah. There was a coroner that...

1:13:19 Drew So the coroner did the autopsy, right?

1:13:22 Caller I gosh, I'm really not sure. You guys should report from the medical examiner's office.

1:13:27 Drew That's the coroner.

1:13:28 Adam Yeah.

1:13:28 Caller Okay.

1:13:30 Adam Well, did they suspect any foul play or anything? Any of the family members?

1:13:35 Caller No, because when they found him, his apartment was locked from the inside and, yeah, there was no evidence of any foul play.

1:13:43 Drew Oh, how awful.

1:13:44 Adam Oh, two weeks before you were going to get married to him.

1:13:49 Drew Contrary to all what you see on TV and the CSIs and all that stuff, sometimes you want to hire a private pathologist to do an autopsy, because corners aren't what you're watching on CSI Miami. They ain't. They're not.

1:14:04 Adam No. I mean, the morbidly obese folks with the crazy nationalities who don't give a rat's ass. They're not doing a great job.

1:14:10 Drew You have to do 400 autopsies a month and...

1:14:12 Adam Have a pile of junkies stacked up behind this guy.

1:14:15 Drew Yes, right.

1:14:16 Adam What do you do? You hire a private doctor?

1:14:18 Drew Yeah, have a separate autopsy.

1:14:20 Adam Interesting. Well, he's already been put to the ground. But it's too late, yeah.

1:14:24 Drew I don't even want to mention it, because I don't want to make Elizabeth feel bad. But it's fine. It wouldn't change anything. So what...

1:14:30 Adam Whenever they exhum a body, they're always surprised at how remarkable, remarkably intact the body is. And I'm just saying, eventually you should stop being surprised. Evidently, bodies do okay in their casket. Whenever I see those autopsy shows, they're always like, we exhumed the body three years later and found that there was still quite, quite a amount of tissue and blah, blah, blah. It doesn't look pretty, but I mean, you can get some information.

1:14:57 Drew So how long ago did this happen?

1:14:59 Caller He died about four months ago.

1:15:01 Drew Wow. Oof. All right. What's your question for us?

1:15:04 Caller Well, my question is that ever since then, I've been obsessing about his father and sleeping with his father. And I'm not really sure how to approach this or what to do if this is something I should act on or I'm just gonna keep thinking about it until I approach him with this or I'm really not sure what to do.

1:15:24 Adam Who are you approaching? You said you've been sleeping with him.

1:15:27 Drew No, no. You want to approach the dad?

1:15:29 Adam You've been obsessing on sleeping with his father.

1:15:33 Caller Yeah, I haven't at all. But I don't know if I should act on this and if I should confront him.

1:15:43 Adam Do you think he wants to have sex with you?

1:15:46 Caller I think that he would be willing to.

1:15:49 Drew Where is your ex-fiance's mom?

1:15:53 Caller She is not in the picture.

1:15:57 Adam Where is she at?

1:16:00 Caller She is in jail in Florida.

1:16:05 Adam Hold on.

1:16:05 Drew This whole thing could be Germany or Florida.

1:16:07 Adam Let us convene here for a second. What a shocker in a Florida jail. Yeah. I'm surprised they even have prisons in Florida. I mean, all the upstanding citizens over there.

1:16:18 Drew It's just a home for wayward parents. Let me get back with Lizbeth.

1:16:26 Adam What's going on here?

1:16:28 Drew Lizbeth, forgive us for finding it bizarre that you would even contemplate. It's one thing to have this obsession and to sort of want to somehow touch in some way the memory of your boyfriend. I mean, all right, whatever. But it's bizarre that you would even contemplate acting upon these bizarre impulses.

1:16:45 Caller Well, I don't necessarily want to. I just want to know, to find out what is gonna be the best thing for me to get over this.

1:16:52 Drew All right, well, don't even consider.

1:16:54 Adam Not doing it would be a good start.

1:16:56 Drew Yes, don't even consider it.

1:16:57 Caller Okay.

1:16:59 Adam What's the father do for a living?

1:17:03 Caller He works in some kind of factory.

1:17:07 Adam Why were you gonna get married to the boyfriend? Were you pregnant?

1:17:12 Caller No.

1:17:13 Adam No?

1:17:14 Drew What's the hurry to marriage?

1:17:16 Adam Just wanna get married?

1:17:18 Caller Yeah, because we loved each other. We've been together for a really long time. We wanted to make that commitment to each other.

1:17:24 Drew How long have you been together?

1:17:26 Caller Two and a half years.

1:17:27 Drew And during that two and a half years, he never did drugs or alcohol or anything?

1:17:31 Caller No, I mean, he would drink occasionally, but you know, not excessively.

1:17:36 Drew And your relationship was stable and everything was good?

1:17:38 Caller Oh yeah, yeah, definitely.

1:17:41 Adam And what kind of factory is dad working?

1:17:45 Caller I don't know. I'm not really sure. I wasn't really close with his family until all this happened.

1:17:51 Drew But then you want to sleep with him.

1:17:52 Adam How often do you have contact with the father?

1:17:57 Caller Right now, once every couple of weeks.

1:18:01 Adam What do you guys live in the same town?

1:18:04 Caller No, actually, we don't. We're straightening out money issues and selling his estate and things like that right now.

1:18:12 Adam All right. What did your boyfriend have some, your fiance have some assets?

1:18:19 Caller He had quite a nice life insurance plan and he had a lot of money saved up in his bank account.

1:18:25 Adam Wow, life insurance at 24, 23, 24?

1:18:29 Caller Well, I mean, it was through his employer.

1:18:31 Drew Oh, okay.

1:18:33 Caller He had recently graduated from college and gotten a pretty good job and-

1:18:38 Adam Wow. So are you going to get some money?

1:18:43 Caller I don't know. It's looking like I'm not going to because my name wasn't on anything, which that's fine with me. I'm not after the money.

1:18:51 Drew All right, Elizabeth, here's the deal. It takes months, if not years, to get over something like this and by sort of clinging to any vestige of what exists of him now is not going to help. It just actually makes things worse. If you're having trouble getting depressed, if you're in trouble grieving effectively, A, check with the local hospitals, see if there are any grieving groups that you can get associated with, or B, get a private therapist to kind of help deal with this. Your thinking is off on all this stuff.

1:19:15 Adam Well, and also-

1:19:16 Drew It's not a horrible way, but just off.

1:19:18 Adam Well, chicks especially, but guys do this too. When this kind of tragedy strikes, they can just seek sort of a shelter of relief in pretty bizarre ports.

1:19:30 Drew Yes, absolutely. Whether it's drugs and alcohol, or relationships that are just basically life preservers, whatever, people will do that.

1:19:38 Adam I think it's funny that she should confront him with this.

1:19:41 Drew There's a bogus quality to that call, by the way.

1:19:43 Adam There is.

1:19:44 Drew There was, right? Well- The language she used by confronting him with this.

1:19:48 Adam I just think she was trying to pose it as a question, but you don't have to confront guys with free sex.

1:19:54 Drew Yeah.

1:19:55 Adam It's like-

1:19:57 Drew At any age.

1:19:57 Adam The guy at Hickory Farms who's given out the samples of the kielbasa, he doesn't have to confront you. You walk over and go grab, and he has to tell you, limit yourself to four, would you, Porko? There's other people in the mall that like to get a little smoked sausage loaf in them, if you don't mind. So here's the thing, it's not a sample. It's not a sample if you eat enough to actually make an entire kielbasa.

1:20:16 Drew It's not a sample then. It's a kielbasa.

1:20:18 Adam It's a kielbasa that you broke in 133 pieces. All right, what happened to free samples?

1:20:24 Drew Gone, gone the way of the dodo, I tell you.

1:20:26 Adam I'll tell you the way the dodo is gone the way of the dodo. That's right. You don't even hear about that anymore. Yeah, there's about the only thing you could look forward to going to the mall for, some free samples. They don't have that anymore. Where's Hickory Farms?

1:20:41 Drew Oh, I don't think that exists anymore.

1:20:43 Adam Everything's mail order. Now you just got to go there and sit around. Look at the cheap tennis shoes, bookstores and tennis shoes, and then those crazy places that are just nothing but places to put pictures. The weird things with picture go rounds and wallet size, whatever. You always wonder, what are you doing selling drugs out of here? Well, you're keeping this place afloat. Jeff?

1:21:08 Hello?

1:21:10 Adam What's going on over there, Jeff?

1:21:11 Oh, I'm sorry. I was watching Platoon. Great movie.

1:21:15 Adam You're watching Platoon? Yes. Wow, that's a good movie. Yeah, it's very intense.

1:21:22 Actually, BS, to get my way in, I wanted to ask about TB. I just got a TB test. I'm sorry about lying and everything, but...

1:21:30 Adam Yeah, I don't care. You got tuberculosis?

1:21:32 Drew What about the TB test? Pardon? Yeah, what about it?

1:21:36 Okay, I got a TB test on like last Monday, and it came out, and it had a big, about the size of a quarter, and it sent me to go get an x-ray on my chest. I mean, what is the percentage that I might have TB?

1:21:49 Drew Oh, very low, but you're gonna need treatment for about six months with antibiotics, because if you get re-exposed to TB, or if you ever get any conditions that suppress your immune system, then the TB activates. So you have to take antibiotics for about six months.

1:22:00 Adam So tuberculosis is still around, but it's treatable.

1:22:04 Drew Yeah, there's some resistances, but it's around big time. Not just kind of, boy, when I was in training, it was huge for a while there, but it's still very much around. And if you get a positive skin test-

1:22:12 Adam It used to kill you, right?

1:22:13 Drew Oh yeah, way back.

1:22:15 Adam It killed millions of people, right?

1:22:16 Drew Yeah, we can deal with it now. But the problem is that it can really get gone and do some damage before you really realize you have it. It's sort of a subacute illness.

1:22:23 Adam And you say do some damage to your bronchial system?

1:22:26 Drew You can destroy lung, you can destroy kidney, you can do a lot of different things.

1:22:28 Adam Oh, really? Oh, TB, first rate. We'll take ourselves a little break, whether or not the circumcised kid when born risked chose 19 and got himself a new kid. Take a quick break, we'll be right back after this. Yeah, Loveline and Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Back to the phones we go. Speaking to Joe, who's 19, Joe.

1:23:24 Caller Hey. Hi, Joe. Joe. Yeah. I'm 19. I just got married. We're expecting a child. And the dilemma is she does not want it to be circumcised. However, I'm kind of for it. I was just curious as to maybe your views on that, like possible health issues.

1:23:46 Drew Yeah. You know, there's constantly accumulating data about the health benefits of circumcision. Now, if you don't want to do it, whatever. But there's no case of being out there.

1:23:56 Adam It ain't no big deal.

1:23:57 Drew But it's numbed up now. The kids don't feel it. My son is 12. Was like going, was watching a show about it going, Oh my God. You mean parents don't do that? How do you do if you have trouble later? I mean, just the way anybody else would react to it. It's like, you know, it's like he's going, Hey, I'm mad at you for having done this to me. He doesn't remember it. Are you kidding?

1:24:14 Adam Joe, just listen to the Ace man here. It's no big deal either way. But if it's 55 to 45, just do the 55.

1:24:24 Drew Right.

1:24:25 Adam See what I'm saying? You know, people get in arguments and it becomes 90, 10. And then everyone knows that's not true. There are small advantages to being circumcised. And that's all the reason you need to do it.

1:24:39 Drew There's no cases of penile cancer, less warts.

1:24:43 Adam Nobody gets penile cancer anyway.

1:24:45 Drew And I'm reading something from a treatment action campaign. This is an AIDS activist group saying that male circumcision is the best available vaccine against AIDS virus. In other words, just having the circumcision reduces the risk of transmission of viruses like that.

1:25:00 Adam Well, the best way not to transmit AIDS is to never get AIDS in the first place, so I'll tell you what right now. I'll tell you, I'll tell you, the only sure way to not get a sexually transmitted disease.

1:25:11 Drew Don't have sex.

1:25:12 Adam Don't have sex, abstinence, right.

1:25:14 Caller Thanks, Blowheart.

1:25:15 Adam Thank you. That is some awesome stuff. Like, you know, it was funny, I was having a laugh about it because I was over at Jimmy's watching the ball game, watching the 400 football games that I, and his brother came up to me and said, hey, Adam, yeah, I got a bunch of tree sap all over my car windshield. I don't want to know what's the best product to get that out. I'm like Pops Corolla everywhere. You know, everyone has asked my advice. And I said to him, the best way to get tree sap off your windshield is never to get it on there at all.

1:25:49 Drew And I thought he stood there and took that, of course.

1:25:52 Adam Yeah, I was just being an idiot. But I realized if you take this, you know, when people do it about sex and abstinence and AIDS and venereal disease and seatbelts and all that stuff, you don't tell them to shut up. But when you apply to anything else like tree sap, your best way to get that off your windshield, not to ever have it get on there. Thanks, Dilweed. Thanks, Dick. That's awesome. Now what?

1:26:16 Drew Right. Now what?

1:26:17 Adam Yeah. Yeah, thanks. All right. So go ahead and get to circumcision. Let's see. Where are we? You know, I would have thought, Drew, that if you would have asked people 20 years ago, maybe, well, let's just say 20 years ago, you know, in, you know, well, because 20 years ago it was all that, well, Europeans, you know, they're so much smarter than we are. They're so much more involved than we are. No, that was 30 years ago. But between 20 and 30 years ago, I remember lots of debates raging on 20 years ago about circumcision and that kind of stuff. And the Europeans are so much more involved than we are. And they don't do it. So we shouldn't do it. And law sensation and guys trying to get their foreskins restored, they're going to put weights on them and all this kind of stuff. And by the year 2000 or 2005, what percentage of American males will be circumcised? I think you would have guessed it was much lower than it is. As it turns out, it's probably gone back the other way a little bit, or who the hell knows, but either way, people I think 20 years ago or even 25, 30 years ago, thought it would just be there'd be no more circumcision.

1:27:30 Drew We'd get rid of it, yeah. But now it's becoming something that there's an imperative worldwide to do because of all the STDs.

1:27:36 Adam Grace?

1:27:38 Yeah. Hi.

1:27:39 Adam You're, yeah. What's up? You're 17? Do you have a question?

1:27:47 Caller Yes.

1:27:47 Adam All right.

1:27:48 Caller When my husband and I are having sex, the only way that he can stay erect is when he's on top.

1:27:55 Caller All right.

1:27:56 Adam That's the position he beats off in.

1:27:58 Drew Right. He's that guy. They're those guys that do that.

1:28:01 Caller That's it?

1:28:02 Drew Yeah, that's him. How long does it take before he has an orgasm?

1:28:06 Caller However long he wants. Like, we can go for a long time or just for a couple minutes.

1:28:12 Adam Yeah. Is he uncircumcised?

1:28:15 Caller He's circumcised.

1:28:16 Adam All right.

1:28:17 Drew Why just that?

1:28:18 Adam I don't know. We were on the topic.

1:28:19 Caller Okay.

1:28:20 Adam Penis topic. Here's the thing. He's one of these guys that has this timer where he gets to go off whenever he wants to do.

1:28:30 Drew He's the ninja guy.

1:28:31 Adam Yeah, but it's not even focused or anything. It's just the way he is. It's like a vertical leap or male pattern baldness all just dealt out by the big jokester upstairs. Here's the thing, Grace. You want him to go in other positions?

1:28:46 Caller Yeah.

1:28:47 Adam All right.

1:28:48 Drew He can do that for a while. He should be able to sustain an erection though, still, wouldn't he?

1:28:51 Adam What do you guys use him for birth control?

1:28:54 Caller The pill and condom.

1:28:56 Adam All right.

1:28:56 Drew Well, maybe the condom's giving him a little trouble, and if you're on the pill, you don't need the condom.

1:29:00 Adam Are you depressed?

1:29:01 Caller No.

1:29:03 Drew Okay.

1:29:04 Adam All right.

1:29:04 Drew But at the very least, you don't need a condom.

1:29:07 Adam I'll tell you what'll cure this thing.

1:29:09 Drew But you can always try a different position without the condom and then put it on in terms of when he's ready to go.

1:29:13 Adam I'm telling you, this guy beats off on his back, and the day he learns to do it in the shower is the day.

1:29:19 Drew He beats off on his back, why can't she be on top?

1:29:21 Adam She is.

1:29:22 Drew No, he's in the military. They're in the military position. He's on top.

1:29:25 Adam Missionary?

1:29:26 Drew Yeah.

1:29:27 Adam Is that same as military?

1:29:28 Drew Missionary. Did I say military?

1:29:30 Adam Oh, wait a minute. You said military.

1:29:32 Drew Missionary position.

1:29:34 Adam Still, I guess if there was a military position, it would still be on top. Grace?

1:29:39 Caller Yes.

1:29:40 Adam Oh, so he has to be on top of you, not you on top of him.

1:29:43 Caller Correct.

1:29:44 Drew Sounds like she wants to switch it around.

1:29:45 Adam I see. Yeah. He should be able to mix that up. I think the condom may be the problem. Also, though, I'm telling you, fellas, get used to beating off in a million different positions. I'll tie myself in a pretzel and squeeze one off just for training, just to keep my edge.

1:30:03 Drew Of course. You're well known for that.

1:30:05 Adam I've shown one leg. I could do it standing on my head, but I gotta really tell you, I gotta really warn you against that. Really warn you against that. Really. And if you're going to do it standing on your head, do not do it with the ceiling fan on, because...

1:30:21 Drew Oh, disgusting.

1:30:23 Adam I got a bronchial infection. I got pink eye.

1:30:25 Drew Ceiling fan? How about the floor fans? Imagine that.

1:30:28 Adam Well, it's the direction of the ceiling fan.

1:30:30 Drew I see. I see.

1:30:31 Caller Yeah.

1:30:33 Adam Yeah, do not do it standing on your head, although at least I proved a point with myself.

1:30:38 Drew That's a part of your training.

1:30:39 Adam That's my point. Why'd the guy climb Everest?

1:30:42 Drew There was.

1:30:42 Adam There was. It was there. Nikki?

1:30:46 Drew And he must have been trying to give himself oral, too. The Everest guy.

1:30:49 Adam You're 23? What's up?

1:30:53 Caller Well, my question is, I guess the only way for me to orgasm is to think of really violent thoughts.

1:31:03 Drew Yeah. The obvious question would be, is there violence been something very attractive to you for some reason?

1:31:08 Caller You know, I don't know. I mean, I've had, I listen to you guys all the time. I don't think I've had any sort of violence like to happen to me when I was younger. But the other thing is I've also had like just cocaine addiction issues and like eating disorder issues.

1:31:26 Drew Have you ever been opiate addicted like painkillers?

1:31:29 Caller No.

1:31:31 Adam Well, so no one was there violent with you?

1:31:35 Caller I had a boyfriend, but that was, I mean, it came in at one, but it wasn't before that.

1:31:41 Drew It all, to me, just sort of suggests that you need very high levels of arousal in order to feel sexual. That for some reason, when people are abused, traumatized in some way, they're sort of arousal centers. Think of it as them being sort of burned out, that they don't function as well. In order to feel aroused, you have to get this excess stimulation going. One of the ways people do that is through violence or S&M, that kind of thing.

1:32:02 Adam A little therapy wouldn't hurt.

1:32:03 Drew Not with the eating disorder, that's the life-threatening issue.

1:32:05 Adam Jessica, 22, you hooked up with your first cousin.

1:32:10 Caller It's not my first cousin, is it?

1:32:12 Caller I'm just kidding.

1:32:14 Drew What did she say? She's trying to make light of it.

1:32:17 Caller Oh, okay.

1:32:19 Drew You had sex with the first cousin.

1:32:20 Caller If I sit here and stress out over it, it's going to...

1:32:23 Adam All right, it's fine. You made a mistake. Don't do it again.

1:32:26 Drew It's called the Thanks...

1:32:28 Adam All right. But look, here's the thing, everybody. When you screw up, when you make a mistake, don't just start sliding with it. Stop. It's fine.

1:32:35 Drew Thanksgiving Center must screw up your family gatherings. Right.

1:32:39 Adam Take a quick break. Be right back after this. Hey, yo! What's up? Well, that's it. Alright. Jenna Fischer's in here tomorrow night.

1:33:07 Drew From the office. The only show that I've seen that I love that Adam has not seen.

1:33:10 Adam I hear nothing but fantastic things about the show.

1:33:13 Drew Nothing but fantastic things to say about it.

1:33:15 Adam And Disturbed will be in here on Tuesday night. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:33:23 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, October 2, 2005