Episode 1000728771321

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:01 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:04 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content.

1:07 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:13 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:17 Adam With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. Hey, everybody.

1:21 It's Loveline.

1:22 Drew Let's say it again now, Adam. Who cares?

1:23 Who cares?

1:24 Drew God, who cares?

1:26 Adam It's been half my waking hours trying to talk people out of stuff they care about.

1:29 Drew Yes.

1:30 Adam Who try to get me to care about stuff. Well, you don't care. It's been an entire, my entire day is a lot of this. Hey, buddy, we're going to, hey, you're not going to, we're not going to. If they find out, you know, you just can't, you know, everybody's going to. Really? And then we all die. Is that how it works? Think all, think all those people that are in the ground who had an entire life full of, oh, if you go out there with that, well, you don't think you're going to. Well, I'm not going to, if they find out, no, you can't just go ahead and, do you understand what a big deal this is? Do you under, yep, they're all in the ground.

1:59 Millions and millions and millions and billions and billions.

2:03 Adam Well, I'll eventually get to a billion if I just keep going millions and billions.

2:06 Drew Yeah, it's true. You're there right away, in fact.

2:07 Adam Billions and billions of people. Cavemen.

2:12 Ooh.

2:16 Adam That's what it sounded like.

2:17 Drew In fact, we've come back all the way around to that. I saw some people talking to you over your show and it sounded like, hoola la la, hoola la la la.

2:24 Adam Just entire life.

2:25 Drew Fred Flintstone.

2:27 Adam I wake up in the morning, someone's yelling, you can't just go, these people are gonna, no, he wants to, they want answers, they need to know. Oh, please, everyone, please relax. Please.

2:39 We're all gonna die soon. Soon. None of this will matter. Please relax, everybody. And listen to me.

2:54 Adam That's all TV is.

2:55 Drew TV's just one big guy going, I know, tonight Ann comes in and goes, can you get Tamiflu? She watched something like 2020 where they declared that some virus is gonna take over the world and kill us all, we don't have enough. That's how you got it.

3:11 Adam I know, I know. Hey, what happened to killer mold? Oh, that wasn't mold?

3:15 Drew Mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, mold, m We should go, I would love to just go back through the stuff that every year has gripped people, the BS that has gripped people.

3:47 Adam Well, look, I mean, when I was a young lad, it was, you know, we're kind of deep, you know. Well, first off, Los Angeles and San Francisco are going to break apart, and we're going to pass San Francisco. Or we're going to slide into the ocean.

4:02 Drew Slide into the ocean.

4:03 Adam Slide into the ocean.

4:04 Drew Slide into the ocean.

4:05 Adam That's one thing. The other thing is, you know, the greenhouse and the sun and the water. And there'll be no drinkable water. And the air can't breathe it. And we'll have to, we're not going to be able to go outside during the daylight hours. We'll live underground like moles, and we'll have to breathe through an apparatus. And it's all we hear about.

4:28 Oh, man.

4:28 Adam It's all the news.

4:30 That's all anything is.

5:02 Adam It's not going to be from the mold. You just die when you get a little bit older. Just like everyone else.

5:07 Drew Line four.

5:08 Adam If you're lucky.

5:12 Yeah.

5:13 Adam What's up, Pang?

5:14 Hey, how are you doing?

5:15 Good.

5:15 I'm so glad I was the first one on tonight, because I have to say I apologize. I've been trying to call Loveline for over the last year, and I've been unable to get on, so I'll do my good acting skills. I got on tonight by lying.

5:29 Drew Good night.

5:30 All right.

5:31 I'm sorry, please hold on.

5:33 Drew Good night. You're on, so what's going on?

5:34 Okay, okay.

5:35 We don't care.

5:36 Anyways.

5:36 Adam See, unlike everyone I work with, I don't care.

5:40 Drew No, I know, that's why we started tonight.

5:42 Adam You know, that's why I was the world's greatest traffic school teacher. I used to teach traffic school, Drew.

5:50 What are you doing?

5:50 Adam You getting hot in here, buddy?

5:51 Drew This thing isn't working again. All right.

5:54 Adam Get over here, buddy.

5:56 You're fine. Where are you going?

5:58 Adam What do you think you're doing? Clearing brush?

6:00 Drew Get some air.

6:01 Adam All you're doing is sitting and sitting there and punching a microphone every 10 to 15 seconds. You're not doing anything. When he's to teach traffic school, yeah, they would always tell us, look, everyone needs, you know, 420 hours of actual instruction. Otherwise they can't get their certificate and they can't complete the course. And they would pound this home to the students. They would basically say, hey, man, if you get there 15 minutes late, you got to sit around for 15 minutes during lunch because you got to get those, you got to get those minutes in. And if you show up a half hour late, well, it don't bother coming in at all. And every time I taught class, every time I taught that traffic school class, some guy would roll in an hour and a half, two hours late with some, you know, sweating profusely. And it'd be like, I thought the class was in El Cajon, not El Camino. And I'd just be like, sit down. Well, you don't know. I don't care. Yeah, I don't care. Sit down. What do I give a rat's F for? Just sit down. We're going to be dead soon. Let's go. Let's hurry up. I'm thinking about lunch. Can't more people adopt that attitude? What's got that weird thing? What is that? You know, you're leaving the movie theater and you're like, hey, buddy, my wife's freezing her sweaters in the car. She's going to run out and grab them. Once you leave, you can't come back. Yeah, well, you recognize me, right? You see the ticket stop. They're going to run right down.

7:19 No, no.

7:19 Adam Well, here, I'll leave you the keys. I'll just run out.

7:22 No, no.

7:22 Adam Once you go out, you can't come. Where do you get that? Where do you get those calories? Where do you get that energy? I don't have that.

7:28 Drew It's their policy.

7:30 Adam I understand it's their policy, but you're getting nine dollars an hour. Where do you get the energy to execute their will?

7:36 Drew Yeah.

7:37 Adam To impose their will that way.

7:39 Yeah.

7:40 Drew What for?

7:41 Adam Oh, man.

7:43 Drew So, Peng.

7:43 I 100% concur with you, Adam.

7:45 Adam Liar, liar whore, liar whore.

7:47 You know it. Yes, yes. This is Roy Peng.

7:50 Drew What kind of name is that?

7:51 It's Chinese. By the way, Adam Locker, I could be your Asian companion.

7:54 Adam Oh, really?

7:55 Yeah, I could be your Asian companion like an Indian man. I could be your Asian companion.

8:00 Adam Peng is good, but I, you know, I don't want to hang out. I just want to use you as a reference. Yeah, I mean, only a racist.

8:06 Drew They'll have to call you Peng Peng, though. Yeah, you already got Peng Peng.

8:09 Adam Yeah, yeah, I got Peng Peng.

8:11 I'm fine with a little epic character, Adam Love.

8:14 Drew What is your question?

8:16 Yeah, well, really, I left Colorado about a year ago, and I don't get Loveline here in Kentucky. And for a whole year, I've been trying to research for Loveline. And about a week ago, I finally found a website. And I know Adam, you don't care, but I'm just saying, I really love just talking to you guys. I called them once before for a certain decision question.

8:39 Thanks, buddy.

8:40 And just to decide, you can consider me as one of your Asian companions, I guess.

8:45 I do.

8:46 Adam I'll count you amongst... I'll put you in my Asian army.

8:50 Drew No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, And my sons, watching this thing, went, why would anybody not do this?

9:15 Adam Yeah.

9:15 Drew Like, what, what, what, how do they have to clean? I'm so sorry, you have to clean it, they can get it narrowed. They're like, no!

9:20 Adam What were they talking about in The Simpsons?

9:25 Drew It made it, you know what, it was, it might've been family guys, some circumcision reference.

9:27 Adam I'm gonna go with family.

9:28 Drew Yeah, and, and they go, why would, that must hurt when you're older, why would anybody wait? Okay, remember this?

9:35 Adam Did they thank you?

9:36 Drew Yes, they're like, ugh.

9:37 Adam Did they thank you?

9:38 Drew They didn't say that in so many words. They should've, they were like, they were like, you're like, like, oh my God. And I go, some people think it hurts and it's bad. They're like, it's okay.

9:46 Adam No, it's luck, whatever.

9:51 Drew Right, that's, that's another one.

9:53 Adam It's all this, but you know, it's, it also, Peng here says he lived in New Orleans.

9:58 Drew No, that's BS, that's BS.

9:59 Adam I know, I know, on the screen, it says that. 10,000 dead. Oh, you know, and that's, that's a, that's a modest estimate. Well, at least, it could be at least 10,000 dead.

10:12 Drew I know, it's 12.

10:14 Right.

10:14 Drew And by the way, how many people die every day in New Orleans, you know, on a daily basis in a city like this?

10:18 Adam I'm going with more than 10,000.

10:20 Drew I'm going more than 20.

10:22 Jennifer?

10:24 Yeah.

10:25 Adam 22?

10:26 Yeah, I am.

10:27 Adam What's up?

10:30 I don't know. Ever since I was like young, way young, I've had this like fascination with spanking. I was never really spanked when I was a kid. But when I turned 18, what's that?

10:44 Drew What's the nature of the fascination?

10:46 Just like getting spanked. I don't know what it is really. When I turned 18 though, I started doing these internet videos for this company around where I live. And I did that for about like three years. And then I just stopped about a year ago. But lately, I don't know, I've been getting on online. I'm like trying to find someone else who's into it. And all I can find is...

11:19 Adam Well, hold on a second. What do you mean we're doing spanking videos?

11:24 Just basically, I get spanked by these people who run this site.

11:31 Adam And I see...

11:34 Hold on, let me write that down.

11:35 Drew Yeah, got it.

11:36 Adam I thought it was something totally different.

11:37 All right.

11:37 Adam So you're spanking videos.

11:39 Drew We're confused by it.

11:39 Adam It's very, very complex.

11:41 All right.

11:42 Adam Well, now it's snapped into sharp relief.

11:45 Drew Why don't I smell much bigger stuff here?

11:48 Adam Well, I want to know about the spanking. I want to know, are you naked when you get spanked?

11:54 Sometimes I am, yes.

11:56 Adam Let me translate. All the time.

11:58 Drew Yes, every time. All the time.

12:01 Adam Sometimes I am, it means sometimes I'm naked, sometimes I'm actually just inside out. But there's never a stitch of clothing near me. Sometimes, sometimes, other times I wear coveralls and a sweat suit, farmer's hat. Yeah, yeah, I'm guessing you're naked just about every time you get spanked. You know? And they, okay, and is there any, other than the spanking, is there any fondling or handling going on?

12:27 No, not at all.

12:29 Drew Oh, how dare you, Adam? How dare you?

12:31 Adam You understand, I have to ask the tough questions on this show. So, you pull your pants down and they spank your behind?

12:38 Yeah.

12:39 Adam And they filmed this and they put it on the website?

12:42 Yeah.

12:43 Drew Why does it need multiple filmings? Is it pretty much, you know, that's the thing and then it goes up and that's that? You know what I mean?

12:53 Adam They gotta keep turning the stock over.

12:55 Yeah, but it's hard. They do multiple shots from different camera angles and stuff.

13:00 Drew I understand, but why different...

13:02 Adam Why need to do it a different day? Why does a porn star need to make multiple films?

13:08 Drew But it seems like they do multiple things with different... You know, multiple... This is the...

13:12 Adam Oh, Drew. I mean, look, if you're young and you're attractive, you get spanked on camera for a living, you do it multiple times.

13:20 Drew I do, but I... I'm just asking. I'm curious. All right.

13:24 Adam Why are you coming back tomorrow night?

13:26 Drew Maybe her ass gets too raw per session.

13:30 I'm pretty tough, actually.

13:32 Drew What's going on?

13:32 Adam There's a very good chance Anderson has been on this website and spanked himself. Believe you me.

13:37 Drew I wish I liked that kind of stuff. It's kind of cool.

13:39 Adam I do too.

13:40 Drew It's kind of cool.

13:42 Adam I wish I was into some sort of boutique whacking.

13:46 Not just the big jugs, something more.

13:47 Adam Not just the big jugs.

13:48 Drew You mean some sort of refined form?

13:52 Adam Well, here's the first thing I wish I was into. I wish I had like a foot fetish.

13:57 Drew Why?

13:58 Adam Just so I could sit and look. I could go to a mall and see a chick in a woman's shoe store and see a guy, you know, chick putting her foot in a Brannock device and...

14:09 Drew I mean, think about that foot fetish thing. Isn't it just your brain just got just made the wrong move somewhere?

14:14 Adam Yeah.

14:14 Drew You know what I mean? I'd say if there were a dog.

14:16 Adam I'd say your nuts made the wrong move at some point, too.

14:19 Drew Think of where a dog who suddenly became focused on the wrong sort of... You'd go, oh, that dog, something's going on with his brain. Yeah.

14:24 Adam And then you'd try to make a story of him put down. The point is, A, I wish I was into feet. B, I wish I was into like fat chicks or hairy chicks. I wish I had one of these extreme fetishes, you know? Especially since, you know, it makes the... You know what it is? When you're into one of these fetishes, like you're into fat chicks or hairy chicks or whatever, it's like you're like the guy whose favorite part of the chicken is the neck. And so people are like, oh, what do you want? I want the thigh and the breast. What do you want? I like necks. Oh hell, we're giving those away. And we got a bunch of those. Oh here, hold your shirt open. We'll just dump you a bunch. Go ahead and take them. You're doing us a favor. You know what I mean?

15:08 Drew And if your drive system is giving you one of those.

15:10 Adam What do you like? I like white meat. Oh, you got to get in line and that's going to cost you. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to stare at this chick's boobs. Yeah. So that's my thing. I want the necks.

15:21 Drew Yeah, yeah, I hear you.

15:22 Adam You wish you were the neck.

15:23 Drew No line.

15:23 Adam Yeah, no line.

15:24 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

15:26 Adam Who eats chicken necks?

15:27 Drew I don't know.

15:28 Adam Jews and blacks. That's who eats chicken necks.

15:31 Drew What do they call it?

15:33 Adam Chicken necks.

15:34 Drew It must be like chicken gullets or something.

15:36 Adam Jennifer? Yeah.

15:37 No, they call them necks.

15:39 Adam All right. So you've been doing the spanking thing for a while.

15:42 Drew Give us a bigger sort of paint a portrait of you. I just sense much, much greater problems going on here.

15:50 Um, well, I think I endured some emotional abuse when I was growing up.

15:56 Drew No doubt. What happened?

15:59 Um, just like, I don't know, like little things kids get in trouble for. And my mom would just kind of overreact. She would do a lot of things. Like she used to make these quilts and like one time or a couple of times she got mad at me. And then she would take these quilts that she'd been working on for like a long time. And she'd just shove them in like the dirty dumpster that was outside her house. And like she'd just break a lot of things. She'd never hurt me, but.

16:28 Adam So mom used to freak out and have little tantrums and break things and throw things out and that kind of stuff. I mean, that's one of those things where you're working on this quilt and maybe working on it for a year. And then all of a sudden you tear it up and throw it away as an adult. And that's terrifying for a child.

16:44 Drew Terrifying, exactly.

16:46 Adam In a way, I'd rather that the mom just spanked me than sort of watch her lose control.

16:50 Drew What's so fascinating about that very statement is you wonder if that's where that sort of took her.

16:57 Yeah.

16:58 Drew You know, to sort of control all this.

16:59 Adam Yeah, it's interesting. All right, well, Jennifer, how about a little therapy, baby doll?

17:05 Drew Or not.

17:06 Or not.

17:07 Drew But what's happening right now?

17:10 Like I've been through some therapy before. I kind of touched on this issue, but I don't know, lately it seems like it's kind of affecting my relationship with guys more like my age. Why?

17:25 Drew What's happening?

17:27 I don't know, like a little while after I stopped doing the videos, like I kind of still just craved a little. And so I went on the internet mostly looking for guys my age, but all I could find was like guys, you know, at least 10 years.

17:42 Drew Right, here's the deal. You got to find a relationship. So it's simple. Keep it simple, Jennifer, come on.

17:47 Adam Well, luck.

17:48 Drew If the guy wants to smack you behind once in a while, whatever.

17:50 Adam That's fine. But here's the thing. If you're cruising the internet for guys, to smack your behind.

17:53 Drew To do whatever, to do whatever, fill in the blank, bad impulse.

17:57 Adam Well, not looking for snow tires.

18:00 Drew That's what I was doing. No, it wasn't. I was looking for performance tires.

18:04 Adam The point is, is you can, there are certain healthy activities for the internet.

18:07 Drew No, I know. But no, I know. If you're looking to meet somebody who will, fill in the blank for you. You know what I'm saying? Interpersonally, sexually, that's a bad sign.

18:16 Adam You want to know how to horrify your child as a parent. Take the park and ride over to the Van Nuys Airport and then take the shuttle over to LAX. Laughing my ass off with Drew about this. But the Corollas are so exquisitely cheap. And, you know, when you're cheap, it never really comes out in stronger doses than when it comes to travel.

18:41 Drew Travel, yeah, especially air.

18:43 Adam Yeah, because for my family, getting to the airport is a massive thing. A massive, like, I mean, if my stepdad and my mom could, they would take a donkey to LAX and drag them with one of those things that the Indians would use to transport the wounded, just the ones that just drag, they just drag on the ground.

19:05 Yeah.

19:06 Adam Little buffalo hide in between two sticks and they would leave four days earlier. And if that were, if getting to the airport being dragged behind one of those Indian gurneys, being dragged by a mule five days earlier cost 20 bucks and or taking a Humvee with a hot tub in it was $22.

19:30 Yeah.

19:32 Adam They would be dragged by the mule.

19:33 Drew I'll contend that the Humvee was $10. They'd still take the mule.

19:36 Adam Oh, that's what now you're talking.

19:38 Drew That's what really makes my skin grow about that whole situation.

19:41 Adam My mom goes out of town to Boston. I'm like, yeah, well, what time you got to be at the airport? She's like, yeah, well, we got to be down at the Van Nuys Airport at 10 o'clock. I'm like, Boston, I thought you were leaving out of LAX. Oh, no, no. Then we grabbed the shuttle. You go to the other airport? You understand the Corollas are the only family that go to another airport to get to the airport?

20:05 Drew Not just another airport, mind you. An airport the other direction in Van Nuys that no one's ever heard of.

20:15 Adam Well, no one you know has ever heard of. You don't hang around with the Corollas.

20:18 Drew This is another very rich, very poor thing because the very rich have their citations there. They've heard of Van Nuys Airport and the very poor because they're taking the shuttle from Van Nuys.

20:27 Adam Like I said, none of your friends have heard of the park and shuttle over at the Van Nuys Airport. But to my friends, there's a monument to my mom and stepdad over there, a huge 12 foot of them dragging Samsonite and holding a nickel out in front of them.

20:41 Drew Commitment above and beyond.

20:42 Adam The nickels actually lights up like the torch in the Statue of Liberty. It's a beacon to all who are cheap.

20:50 Drew It's a homage.

20:51 Adam Yeah. Some of you are tired, your huddled masses and your bad tippers. That's the plaque that reads under the sign. Now you know. You're starting to get some glimpses, baby.

21:05 Drew You're starting to get some glimpses. By the way, I've been cataloging a list of the things that the very rich and the very poor have in common.

21:12 Adam Yeah.

21:12 Drew Van Nuys Airport, I think, is one of those things.

21:15 Adam Oh yeah. Other people go there to get in the gulf stream.

21:18 Drew Right.

21:18 Adam My mom goes in there to get on a bus.

21:20 Drew No one else has ever heard of it.

21:21 Adam Yeah. My mom's the only person I know goes to an airport to get on a bus. Most folks, it's got the word air right in it. Not a lot of people take a cab to the airport to then board a bus.

21:34 Drew I contend.

21:35 Adam When she travels, it's like a hostage situation in Beirut.

21:38 Drew I contend whatever the cost was, no matter how much more expensive it was to do that, she'd still do that.

21:43 Adam I don't know. I don't think it's that bad. I don't think it's that bad. Stephanie?

21:48 Yeah, I'm here.

21:50 Adam 22?

21:51 Yeah.

21:52 Adam What's up?

21:54 Well, I've known my fiancee almost five years and I have three daughters. Well, before I got pregnant the first time, I was really sexually active. I mean, I wanted it all the time.

22:07 Drew And from one partner?

22:10 No, I've had multiple partners.

22:13 Drew No, but when you were very active, I understand. But that was with the same guy that you're with now?

22:18 No, I met him when I was pregnant.

22:21 Drew All right. You've gone.

22:24 But after about...

22:26 Adam Hold on, hold on a second. Now, Drew, I know I've been wrong in the past.

22:29 Drew No way.

22:30 Adam But I'm not wrong this time. And as you know, I'm intuitive.

22:35 Drew Let's paint the picture. Multiple partners gets pregnant with some dude, shacks up with another guy during the pregnancy.

22:40 Adam Hooked up with a guy while she's pregnant and calling from Ohio. Definitely a Jew. Just has to be. Let's see. Come on. Stephanie?

22:50 Yeah.

22:51 Jewish?

22:53 Drew Pagan. Pagan. What does that mean?

22:59 Most people consider it witchcraft, which it's not.

23:02 Drew Oh, Wicca.

23:03 Yeah, basically.

23:04 Okay.

23:05 Adam Do me a favor. Do me a favor. First off, first off.

23:09 Drew You're fat.

23:11 Yes.

23:12 Thank you.

23:14 Adam Thank you. I was like-

23:15 Drew Trying to say that nicely again.

23:16 Adam Yes. Stephanie, 22. All right. Had her about 125 from Ohio. We're up to 140. I got three kids. We're at 175. I was pregnant when I met- We're at 185. Now I'm pagan. We're at 385.

23:36 Drew But why didn't she cast a spell on herself to redeem her sexuality?

23:41 Adam Stephanie?

23:41 No. I didn't cast a spell or anything.

23:45 Adam What's with the pagan? What do you do with the pagan religion?

23:48 I believe that everything revolves around nature.

23:51 Adam Yeah. I know. That's why I say the Wiccans and the pagans, they're just into recycling. They're like the homos.

23:59 Drew But pagans suggested a sort of a polytheistic complex system from...

24:04 Adam You mean you have like the tree god, and the sod god, and the pine cone god?

24:10 Drew Zeus at all.

24:11 Yes, there's a bunch of different gods and goddesses, but there's one main god and goddess.

24:16 Adam Okay. You're calling from Ohio. What's the closest college to where you are?

24:25 University of Dayton.

24:26 Adam University of Dayton. Do me a favor. You have three daughters?

24:30 Yeah.

24:30 Adam Do me a favor. Head on over there tomorrow morning. Interrupt football practice. Grab the punter. Bring him back to your house. Bring the long snapper, too. And have the guy suited up, go into the backyard, have them snap your daughters to the punter, and just punt them toward the nicest neighbor, so these kids can have some goddamn chance.

24:54 Drew Neighborhood, not just neighbor.

24:56 Adam Yeah, yeah. Well, I don't know how much range this guy has, or if he's going for the coffin corner, if he's going for hang time. Just punt the kids toward the best direction, the nicest direction, and so the kids have a fighting chance at some kind of life instead of crazy pagan mom raising their ass.

25:11 So you're basically saying I'm a bad mother for being pagan?

25:14 Adam Well, you're gonna be, if you're not already.

25:16 Drew All right, let's try to focus. Your sexuality. Are you on any medication?

25:20 No.

25:21 Drew Are you no birth control?

25:22 No.

25:24 Drew You need to correct that by the way. And did the sex drive go away? Well, I did.

25:27 I got my tubes tied, so yeah. Yeah, yeah.

25:31 Drew See, see Adam? She's not a bad mom.

25:32 Adam Hail Pegasus! Why shouldn't you guys be into a Pegasus?

25:39 What?

25:40 Adam Well, it's pagan.

25:41 Drew Pagan-is-us? All right, listen. Did the sex drive go away after the first child or only after the third?

25:49 It was actually when I was pregnant with the first child.

25:51 Drew First one. But you managed to...

25:53 After a couple months after getting pregnant.

25:55 Drew And yet you managed to regain it sufficiently to get pregnant two more times, right?

26:00 Not exactly. I enjoy sex with my fiance, but it feels like it's a chore to get started.

26:07 Adam Why don't you two just go ahead and get married now with the three kids and all?

26:11 We are. We have a date set for next June.

26:14 Drew Here's what my instincts tell me. He's a nice guy. And old, what's her name?

26:20 Stephanie.

26:21 Drew Stephanie's into the chaos, the bad guy.

26:22 Adam Are you in a chaos?

26:24 No.

26:25 Oh. Okay. All right.

26:27 Drew Your relationships have been a little dramatic in chaos with bad guys, prior to this nice guy you were engaged to?

26:33 Actually, yeah. The guy I'm engaged to is the nicest guy I've been with since.

26:37 Drew That's what I'm saying.

26:37 Adam Watch out. Do not sabotage my friend.

26:39 Drew Well, that's also where your sex drive has gone. Because you come from chaos, and for whatever reason, your sexuality is something you associate with bad things. You can only be sexual with bad guys, and the nice guy, whoops, that just doesn't exist. It's like you're fractured internally, like you have two parts of yourself, a good self and a bad self. All right. And that's the person that goes for the chaotic relationships and sabotages the good ones.

27:01 Adam All right.

27:02 Drew But don't do that, huh?

27:04 Adam Well, here's the thing, everybody. When you have three kids, you give up some rights. And you give up the right to stay out all night partying, and you give up the right to sleep in.

27:18 Drew And multiple partners, whatever, threesomes.

27:21 Adam Yes, you give up many rights. But I think people, obviously, they understand the part where, look, you have three kids, you have no sitter, you can't go out on a Friday night. You and the old man can't head out and go see a triple feature at the Ascineplex because you have three kids. I mean, you understand that. But you also have to act sane for those three kids. You can't act out. You give up other rights, the right to act insane, the right to be cavalier with your relationships. Like, this guy's not abusing me. I'm not turned on anymore. I'm going to start cheating with his friend and moving on and causing chaos. You have to give up those privileges too.

27:59 Drew I'm suddenly becoming sympathetic with Dr. Phil. What else are you going to do on radio and media? Just go cut it out. Stop it. Don't you see what you're doing? Stop. Our alternative is to go, please get a therapist, please you need a last treatment, please. I know. So I see how he starts just going, hey, stop it. That's about all you can do. So go ahead. Don't screw up this relationship. Don't do it.

28:22 Adam He gets $20 million a year though, to yell at people to stop it. You get like two quarters.

28:28 Drew What's your point? I don't do it well enough? I don't do it frequently enough? I'm not committed to that whole notion.

28:37 Adam All right, we'll start committing.

28:39 Drew Not to know.

28:39 Adam Let's take ourselves a little break. Oh, my new show, Roseanne Barr on tonight.

28:45 Drew Oh, my show's on tonight, too.

28:46 Adam My show, 12 Midnight Tonight.

28:48 Drew My show's 12 Midnight, too.

28:49 Adam Well, you better get two TV sets, my friend.

28:51 Drew No, no, you just listen and watch my show.

28:52 Adam Roseanne Carr. Comedy Central, Tonight at Midnight. Good cast, by the way. She's kind of saner.

28:58 Yeah. Yeah.

29:00 Adam All right, we'll be right back after this.

29:10 Drew Love Line is brought to you by the iPod Nano. Apple has done it again. They took everything you love about the iPod and shrunk it.

29:16 Caller Check it out at apple.com.

29:32 Adam Yeah, buddy, it's Love Line, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LEVE-191 or Jenny McCarthy was supposed to come in here tonight. She's going to come in here on Monday, Sunday or Monday. Monday or Tuesday?

29:47 Drew Monday or Tuesday.

29:48 Adam Monday or Tuesday, yes, Drew?

29:50 Drew Yes, Adam.

29:51 Adam Jeff Probst, my main man, the guy, if I ever was to fag off.

29:56 Drew He'd be in, huh?

29:58 Caller Well, yeah.

29:58 Drew After Jimmy.

29:59 Caller Well, you're...

30:01 Drew Oh, no, no, no.

30:02 Adam Yeah.

30:02 Drew That we're never, you promised we would never talk about that publicly.

30:06 Adam Yeah.

30:06 Caller Shh.

30:08 Caller Don't speak.

30:09 Adam They don't do that in movies anymore where the creepy guys go, shh, don't speak.

30:14 Caller No, they don't.

30:15 Drew Right.

30:16 Caller Do I have a cobweb hanging off my head?

30:18 Adam Let me tell you something. What's going on out there. There's this weird, there's three weeks out of the year where the crazy giant spiders come and lay these spider webs that are 40 feet long.

30:30 Drew Yes.

30:30 Adam And I mean, I asked you not. I saw one going from my hedge to the other side of my fence. It was 28 feet, 30 feet.

30:42 Drew I've had a couple between pine trees, like that are, you know, 20 yards apart.

30:47 Adam Yes. Now here's the thing. How much of this crap can a spider ass hold? It's not like, you know, here's what I'm saying. It's not like the spider goes, well, I got enough crap.

31:00 Drew How much crap can a spider ass hold?

31:02 Adam Well, it's not like they go well.

31:03 Drew It's a child's riddle.

31:04 Adam My ass about, you know, eight feet of this stuff. And what I do is I do it eight foot at a time. I do eight foot and then I go back, gotta take a break and I reload. And then I take a breath and then I eat a fly. And then I do another eight feet. No, you got to make it one run.

31:18 Drew Yeah, they do. One night usually.

31:20 Adam But here's the deal. If you want to get from one pine tree to the next pine tree, you have to catch a breeze.

31:27 Drew Right. And they laid out that first one as a cable.

31:29 Adam The first one you got to lay.

31:32 Drew That's an anchoring cable. You walk into that thing, it's spring back.

31:36 Adam Oh, like being a clothesline by Deacon Jones. Saw the gardener get his head cut off the other day.

31:42 Drew What?

31:43 Adam Took the riding mower right across one of those things. Took his head clean off.

31:46 Drew Oh, really?

31:47 Adam Clean, yeah. Just dragged his body into the neighbor's yard. I don't need trouble.

31:50 Drew Well, you got a bunch of them.

31:51 Adam I don't need trouble. Point is, I shouldn't be talking about the uninterrupted flow of ass-silk from one pine tree to the next. Forty feet, I don't know how they goddamn do it. I don't know how it works. Here's the deal. Don't they run out ever?

32:10 Drew I don't know how much silk does a spider asshole hold?

32:17 Adam Well, that's what I mean. I mean, like you-

32:19 Drew I don't know the biology of all that, so I couldn't tell you.

32:22 Adam I want somebody to tell us what's going on. I mean, you know when the spider spins the web, it catches a moth and it spins around and rams it and it's cocooned?

32:31 Drew Yeah, that's a lot of stuff too. That's a lot of stuff.

32:32 Adam It's 10 feet of web.

32:34 Drew Yeah. What's the energy? Where do they get the energy for that?

32:37 Adam If they're constantly producing it, I mean, really, it would be like you taking a crab from here to Oregon.

32:44 Drew It'd be like you're semen. Let's be fair.

32:47 Adam Okay. It would be like you are masturbating and all of a sudden and that goes on for 45 minutes straight.

32:56 Drew No, it'd be like what you do is you put the dots together. You do it and then again and then again and then again and pretty soon.

33:04 Adam No, no, no, no. But the point is I don't have a continuous flow to get me from one pine tree to the next. No, Drew, seriously, you know, you kid. But I'm interested in how a spider whose thorax is the size of a pea can produce 80 linear feet of this stuff that's stronger than steel.

33:29 It's like silly string. It's got to be.

33:33 Drew I get expands when it comes out.

33:34 Caller There's no that stuff that you use.

33:36 Adam Corolla. No, no, he's talking about he's talking about the foam.

33:39 Drew As soon as it hits the air, like it expands.

33:42 Adam Yeah, but where's the energy coming from?

33:45 Drew What's what is the fluid? What's the structure? We need to know what's what's it made up of? You know, scientists have been trying to figure this out for many, many years. And apparently they're quite close now. Is it up on the web?

33:55 Adam Yeah. And by the way, what is it? Is it is it crap? Is it is it we?

34:02 Drew Seamen?

34:02 Adam Is it semen?

34:03 Drew Saliva?

34:04 Adam That's what I mean. I mean, we we we walk through it willing. You know, we walk through it sort of casually. I got some spiderweb on my head. Got spider. Oh, got a little my mouth there. But God knows. I mean, Duke could be a nice step up from what's going on our head. It's just squirting out of a spider's ass. That's all. Chick spiders and dude spiders. Oh, you walk through dude spider web. That makes you gay.

34:28 Drew I bet.

34:29 Caller Eric.

34:31 Yes.

34:33 Drew What's going on?

34:34 Caller What's going on?

34:35 Adam We call him from the enterprise.

34:37 No, I'm sorry.

34:39 Drew It really sounds like you're out.

34:41 Adam We're really waiting for one of those.

34:43 Drew Where's Ohura?

34:49 Caller Yeah.

34:50 Adam That was the fakest part about Star Trek, is that they had pocket doors that actually work. Where's anyone?

34:55 Drew Just that two guys standing at the side.

34:56 Adam Anyone from the 70s that has ever tried to use a pocket door knows you have to plant one foot up on the door jam and crab it with both hands if you want to get it wedged out of there.

35:05 Caller Yeah.

35:06 Adam Go ahead, Eric.

35:07 Well, I was just calling because, let's see, I've been working as an EMT for about four months now. And over the last four months, I've kind of seen various old people in various states of like, you know, whatever. And it's been kind of making me think about my own mortality. And it kind of started off where it's just something you kind of realize when like, it's quiet and you're about to go to sleep and just your mind kind of wanders. But now it's kind of like getting to where it's making me see things differently. And I just, I don't know, I just want some relief from these kind of, you know, it's like, it's never.

35:40 Adam Well, look, maybe working at such a young age in that proximity of death is not a great idea.

35:48 Drew When I was 24, I was patching people together. I graduated medical school by then.

35:52 Adam You're you.

35:54 Drew And here's the deal. I've got a lot of thoughts about this. One is that we hide death and old people away in our culture, and that is part of life. Death with dignity, death and aging. By the way, going to a significant old age is better than the alternatives, which is dying young. Right. And so this is something we all have to contend with. And the more realistic, I think the problem often is that when you don't have adequate training, you really don't have a context to put this all in. It sort of overwhelms you. And my other question is, Eric, do you have any pre-existing mood problems or anxiety disorders, anything like that?

36:26 Caller No, no, not at all.

36:28 Drew There was nothing before this and all of a sudden, pow.

36:31 Caller It really was. It was like, oh my god, no matter what I do, no matter what kind of lifestyle I lead, this is going to happen. And I just got to figure out some way to get my head around that.

36:43 Drew That's called life, Eric, that's grown up. That's what everyone gets to contend with.

36:48 Caller Yeah.

36:48 Drew It's not that, that's not a psychological, I'm not sure it's a psychological problem if you're having trouble with obsessional thoughts about this kind of thing.

36:57 Caller Drew.

36:58 Drew Yeah.

36:58 Adam Was I talking to you about my old age homes with a theme?

37:02 Drew No, it's a great idea.

37:03 Adam Well, here's the thing.

37:04 Drew Yeah, why not do it with kids?

37:05 Adam Everyone is freaked out about the old age home. Like, please don't send me off to the old age home.

37:10 Drew No, that is a bizarre thing because when people need institutional support, first of all, they're beautiful now.

37:16 Adam They're nice.

37:16 Drew Secondly, when people need institutional support, they're much happier. They're happier when they're on their peers.

37:21 Adam But let me say this, my grandmother is always like, I don't want to go to an old age home. And I've talked to the old age home and they're like, yeah, we don't want her either. Believe you me, don't do us any favors. But nobody likes to go, I was talking earlier about traffic school. Nobody wants to go to traffic school. And then they started having singles traffic school and pizza lovers' traffic school. And all of a sudden, it wasn't so bad, that comedy traffic school.

37:46 Drew Exactly.

37:47 Adam Here's all, I know a bunch of guys that are crazed Red Sox fans. If they could go to a Red Sox old folks' home and sit around a bunch of like-minded clods who loved the Red Sox as much as they would, well, maybe not such a bad deal.

37:59 Drew They used to have that, was it screen actors' home? Yeah. They used to line up to go.

38:04 Adam Yeah. Karaoke, ass-lovers. You know what I'm saying? You pick your theme.

38:12 Drew The boobville.

38:13 Adam This is it. Yeah. I go to a nice big jug, old folks' home, whatever it is. You know you're around. Here's the thing. You don't want to go to an old folks' home as a crazed lifelong die-hard Sox fan and get roomed up with a Yankees fanatic.

38:26 Drew No.

38:27 Adam Now you're miserable. If you could have a bunch of folks that love the Sox and you could all agree what games to watch, you go to the ball game and you have, your Strimsky comes in, does a little guest speaking once a month, you're in great shape. Or if you like karaoke or whatever it is you like. Themed old age homes, Drew.

38:48 Drew Perfect.

38:49 Adam Write it down.

38:50 Drew Got it.

38:50 Adam No, write it down.

38:52 Drew Yeah, I'm back.

38:53 Adam Come on, don't write it down, you idiot.

38:55 Caller I was just kidding.

38:56 Adam Are you ready to keep rocking?

38:57 Caller Yeah. We got to take a break.

38:58 Drew One more.

38:59 Adam Let's use an adildo during sex.

39:01 Caller Possibly causing damage. Michelle? Michelle?

39:05 Caller Yeah.

39:05 Adam What's up?

39:06 Caller Yeah.

39:08 Adam Use a vibrator or a dildo?

39:10 Caller Dildo.

39:13 Adam Where do you put it during sex?

39:17 Caller Um, my down there. Vagina.

39:22 Caller Oh, all right.

39:23 Drew How can you be having sex if you have a dildo in there?

39:25 Adam If you're having intercourse and now you have another penis?

39:29 Caller So, okay, so what it is is like, we'll use a dildo first and then he'll take it out and then he'll put his penis in and then he'll stick the dildo in with the penis at the same time.

39:41 Drew Oh, very creative.

39:42 Caller Yeah.

39:43 There you go.

39:44 Caller And we do it quite often like that and I'm just wondering.

39:50 Adam By the way, I don't.

39:53 Drew There's plenty of room if you were working with her for the dildo.

39:56 Adam Yeah. Hold on a second. I wouldn't do that if I was a guy. It makes you feel like that idea. It's like I feel like, well, maybe I got a small foot and I'm self-conscious. I don't need to put it into the shacks shoe. You know what I'm saying? Now I really feel like an a-hole.

40:13 Drew But if you do, you're going to pack it with socks. You know what I mean?

40:15 Adam All I'm saying is, if I'm in here and I got the dildo, I'm going to give a half try like when OJ tried to put that glove on. He went, baby, ain't no room in that garage.

40:24 Drew Oh, yeah, of course.

40:24 Adam You understand? That is packed to the brand.

40:27 Drew What's her question?

40:28 Adam Doesn't matter. We're taking a break. We'll come back. We'll talk to Michelle Dildo clean after this.

40:33 Caller You have five seconds.

40:34 Caller Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

40:53 Adam Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline! I tell you what, Drew.

41:02 Drew Don't even think about it.

41:03 Caller I will do it.

41:04 Adam I will do it. I will drop Trow.

41:06 Drew I will drop Trow.

41:06 Adam This guy does that to Drow. This guy is my witness. I will be... I was known as... I was known to my disciple, that my flock is the dropper of Trow, okay?

41:18 Drew Mr. Surdropper of Trow. Surdropper. Surdropper. So Surdropper of Trow will do it.

41:23 Adam I will drop Trow. I will fill this. I will back up and drop Trow. This guy is wild. And I'll tell you something. You'll know it when I drop Trow. Because I'm free balling it, baby.

41:31 Drew There'll be sack everywhere.

41:32 Caller I'm home commander of sack.

41:33 Adam I'm free balling commando.

41:35 Drew Nothing but sack.

41:35 Caller Drop and Trow.

41:36 Adam Free ball and drop Trow. Free ball and free ball and drop Trow. I could tell you that I have to kill you.

41:44 Caller Yeah. Okay.

41:46 Adam I think I could tell you that I have to kill you and drop and Trow went out about the same month in 2001 and it was the best goddamn month I've ever experienced.

41:58 Drew I guarantee you in radio somewhere across this country, there are people using that term regularly.

42:04 Adam Free ball and drop Trow.

42:09 Caller Yeah.

42:10 Caller Talking to the mic buddy, sorry.

42:12 Caller Yeah.

42:13 Adam Drew, is it bothering you that Anderson tells you to talk to the mic almost every night?

42:17 Drew Here's the problem. I want you to observe. You know what I'm dealing with?

42:20 Adam Yes.

42:20 Drew Okay. Yes. And it will not tighten down.

42:22 Adam You're dealing with your own feeble mind.

42:24 Drew The mic here.

42:25 Adam Oh, the mic. Yeah.

42:27 Drew The mic.

42:27 Adam Try screwing that thing down.

42:28 Drew It will not tighten.

42:30 Adam You can't?

42:30 Drew No.

42:31 Adam Well, it looks like it's turning now. You better goddamn hope that doesn't tighten up, Drew, and don't do that thing where you pretend like you can't do it. I know when you're being intentionally lame and then normally lame. I know the difference. Yeah. Let me try that.

42:46 Caller Oh, for the love of...

42:47 Caller I swear to God. You know...

42:50 Drew Look, look, look. Yeah.

42:51 Adam No, I know. I know.

42:53 Drew The mic swings away from me, Anderson, no matter what I do. And so if I'm not constantly... I don't have a problem with Adam drifting off mic at all.

43:00 Adam You will. Here's the thing about radio. All you have to do, really all you have to do is have this microphone in front of your yammer. That's all that's all you have to do. And there's something that goes on. Here's what happened. The radio radio stations in 1974 bought 400 million of these units. They're all the same.

43:23 Drew I don't care if these microphones.

43:25 Adam Yes, I don't care if you go to the deepest, darkest Africa. If you go to a radio station, it will have this clanky, easily kind of this weird arm thing that comes out. Now, there's two things these arm things do. A, they squeak all the time when you pull them in and out. And two, something seizes up on this wing nut that locks up and doesn't allow the microphone to stay where it is. It just swings loosely and it's always away from where you are. Now, you figure I'll just reach up and turn the thing, but it locks up and it doesn't let you do it. It's like some something gets cross threaded or something. I don't know how it works. Oh, I actually do know what the problem is now.

44:03 Drew It's designed to do that, I think. And then this this wire pulls it. I think it's designed to be kind of loose.

44:08 Adam No, it is not designed to be loose, otherwise it wouldn't have a thumb tight on it. What happens is, is the threads get chewed off by this thing waving around on the threads and then they can't, they won't turn in.

44:19 Drew Yeah, that's it.

44:20 Adam All right. Let's go, go, go get, go get some needle nose out of your car, Drew.

44:24 Drew Oh, sure.

44:25 Caller Just talking to the mic.

44:27 Adam Michelle?

44:28 Caller Yeah.

44:29 Adam So you use the dildo.

44:30 Drew During sex, during intercourse, which is rather creative.

44:34 Adam Both in at once.

44:36 Caller Yeah.

44:37 Adam I wonder if that makes your guy kind of gay.

44:39 Drew How old?

44:39 Adam Like another penis rubbing against his.

44:41 Drew It makes him extra male. How old were you when you, how long you've been doing this?

44:48 Caller A few months.

44:50 Drew All right. Well, what's the question?

44:53 Caller So I'm wondering if like using, doing that and like even using those by themselves, like if it's causing like any damage in there, like if I'm going to be able to have kids later on in life or something.

45:05 Drew Yes. Yes. There's nothing wrong with it. It's something that can transmit infections if you sort of use it in somebody else first or some other part of your boyfriend or whatever.

45:14 Adam You guys use it every time?

45:18 Caller Almost.

45:18 Yeah.

45:20 Adam And that's all it does. It doesn't go anywhere else?

45:23 Caller No.

45:24 Adam No.

45:24 Drew How did you discover this? It's sort of interesting. Wouldn't it?

45:28 Caller Yeah.

45:29 Adam How people first start eating lobster, you know? Yeah. What happened? Something weird? Multi-orgasmic?

45:39 Caller Yeah.

45:41 Adam True knows the multis, baby. I'll tell you what, right now, I will drop trap. True knows who's multi-orgasmic. He's like Santa, except for he doesn't know if you've been naughty or nice, but he knows when you have 15 orgasms a session. So you're just a passionate, passionate woman.

46:00 Drew This just allows that all to happen for her.

46:02 Caller Okay. All right.

46:03 Drew Well, that's good.

46:04 Adam How many orgasms do you have usually per session?

46:10 Caller Maybe like three to five.

46:13 Caller Wow. Nice.

46:15 Adam All right. Good times.

46:17 Caller Yeah.

46:19 Caller Okay.

46:20 Adam Look, here's the thing, Drew.

46:21 Drew Shell's happy.

46:22 Adam Most things that don't cause trauma or where you don't feel trauma are not going to ruin you. And we're not going to do damage to you.

46:33 Drew Right. Things that don't hurt. And when you're not introducing foreign bodies, infectious agents.

46:38 Adam Yeah. In a way, it's like saying, well, gee, I play football, but I don't want to have trouble walking later on in life. Well, if you don't blow out your knee, you're not going to have trouble.

46:49 Drew Right.

46:49 Adam You'll know it. You blow your knee out.

46:51 Drew That's right.

46:52 Adam Well, no, I haven't blown my knee out. I'm just just playing. Everything's fine.

46:55 Drew I'm just paranoid. Right. No injury. You'll know when the injury occurs.

46:57 Adam You'll know when the injury occurs.

46:59 Drew All right.

46:59 Adam We'll take a break. We'll be back.

47:02 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:07 Caller One call's all you need to make.

47:09 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:10 Caller 877-889-DATE.

47:12 Drew Call the Dateline.

47:19 Adam Ready for something new? Try Durex tingling condoms. They're sacked, and then there's Durex. Loveline, everybody, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. My show Too Late with Adam Corolla, Comedy Central. Tonight, you need to watch this program. We moved to midnight, and Roseanne Barr is on the show. She's taking her medication, and-

48:02 Drew She talking about that?

48:03 Adam Yeah. And I like her. I like her now. I didn't used to like her before, but now I like her.

48:10 Drew You're gay.

48:11 Caller Yeah. She's mellowing out, looks good.

48:14 Drew What's she doing now?

48:15 Caller She's doing nice.

48:19 Adam She's doing some stand-up, and doing some other stuff, and she's one of these people that just- The only thing I don't like about her, she doesn't need to work, and she likes to work. And again, it's one of those things where we applaud that in our society.

48:33 Drew You hate that.

48:33 Adam It angers me. I get angry at it. I don't need that. That's just showing off. And that, you know, it's funny, like, she was like- I was reading the plug, I was like, yeah, Roseanne is going to be at the, uh, the Gaffa Hut in San Francisco, uh, this weekend, the, uh, 21st through the 25th, and I thought, what the? I've got more money than God. What are you-

48:55 Drew What are you going to plug in front of the audience and stuff? It's performing.

48:59 Caller Ugh, come on, Drew.

49:01 Adam Say, Amy?

49:01 Drew What's your show under? Oh, strangely, you should ask that, Anderson. Midnight Tonight, Wednesday Nights, Midnight, Discovery Health Channel.

49:08 Adam What night is it?

49:10 Drew It's Tuesday.

49:11 Adam All right, it's not Wednesday.

49:12 Drew But it's Wednesday on a lot of the country.

49:14 Adam Well.

49:14 Drew When they're hearing this.

49:15 Adam Not tonight, though, that's tomorrow night.

49:21 Drew Oh, that's why I asked so I could play that.

49:24 Adam Thanks, but yeah, clash of the of the Tardens. Yes.

49:29 Drew Sandy.

49:30 Caller Yeah.

49:31 Drew What's up?

49:31 Adam What's up, baby doll?

49:33 Caller Hi. Hey.

49:36 Caller Wow.

49:36 I'm really surprised that I'm even talking to you guys.

49:38 Caller This is insane. Hi.

49:41 Caller Hey.

49:43 I am having a problem with masturbating. Yeah, I never used to have a problem with it, and I used to like, I love doing it, but now it's really hard for me to get turned on, and like to stay turned on long enough to have an orgasm. And I used to be multi-orgasmic, and I don't understand what the deal is.

50:07 Adam Wow, what happened?

50:08 Drew Birth control pills?

50:10 I am on birth control, but can that affect that?

50:13 Drew Absolutely.

50:13 Caller Yeah.

50:14 Drew What are you taking?

50:17 Cariva, I think.

50:21 Caller Cariva.

50:22 Drew Trying to translate that.

50:24 Caller Well, what is it?

50:25 Drew It's definitely not a high-dose.

50:26 I was taking a higher dose, and it was too much, so it's not low, low, but it's not a high-dose. It's a low-dose pill. It's a low-dose pill. It's a low-dose pill.

50:35 It's not low, low, but it's...

50:36 Drew On the higher dose, did you retain your orgasmic function?

50:41 Oh, let me think. I was probably like about two years ago. Yeah, yeah, I would say that I did.

50:47 Caller There you go.

50:49 Adam You're 18, and it's like your vagina's been to the moon and back. Well, back when I... Well, I adjusted my pill. I used to be, you know, back in the day, I was multi-orgasmic, and then when I went to the Festiva pill, I slowed down on my intercourse. You're 18.

51:05 Caller Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

51:08 Adam Wait, it sounds like you got started in the 60s. It's like you were groupie, you know, traveled with the Stones or something. What's up? You have a boyfriend now?

51:20 I do. I do have a boyfriend.

51:23 Drew Everything okay?

51:24 Yeah, everything... That's the really weird part. Everything is great.

51:29 Drew Are you on the other medication besides the pill?

51:32 No.

51:33 Drew Okay, it's probably that.

51:35 Okay.

51:36 Drew All right.

51:37 Adam That's all. Let's play a little Germany or Florida, Drew.

51:39 Drew All right, fair enough.

51:40 Adam It's been a while. I mean, it's not been a while, but poor guy.

51:43 Drew You just puked.

51:46 Adam I had a little something come out there. A little guy has been on hold.

51:49 Caller Antoine has been on hold for...

51:50 Drew I hope that's Antoine.

51:51 Caller Or Antoine has been on...

51:54 Adam Antoine?

51:56 Caller You had it right the first time, Adam.

51:58 Adam Oh, well, it's Antoine as a W in it, doesn't it?

52:03 Drew Oh, yeah. O-I-N-E?

52:04 Adam How do you spell Antoine?

52:07 Drew It's the same as what you're looking at there with O-I-N-E.

52:10 Caller Oh, okay. All right.

52:11 Adam Although with the brothers, all bets are off now. I mean, anything can be spelled anywhere. And then they open the floodgates and now white folk are doing it. And now all bets are off.

52:22 Caller My name is German.

52:23 Caller All right.

52:24 Adam Antoine. What's going on, Antoine?

52:27 Caller Uh, not much. I just wanted to do, uh, Adam Corolla.

52:30 Caller Oh, wait a minute.

52:32 Adam Hold on a second, everybody. Yeah, but let me explain something. The whole thing was Adam Corolla is going to replace Marco Polo as that swimming pool game.

52:41 Caller Marco Polo.

52:44 Adam We've had to go, fish out of water. Okay. We've had to explain it 185 times.

52:49 Drew It's not Adam.

52:51 Adam No, nobody goes in the swimming pool, goes Marco. They go, Marco Polo. It's saying Songy. Now let's try it again.

53:00 Caller Adam Corolla.

53:01 Caller Corolla.

53:03 Adam There you go.

53:04 Caller Wonderful. You ready?

53:05 Adam What's up?

53:06 Caller Yeah.

53:06 Drew All right.

53:07 Caller A 24 year old, 475 pound man was arrested at an airport for possession of cocaine after being identified by drug sniffing dogs. During a man searched, police found nothing and began to suspect the dogs had defective noses. But on closer inspection, they found nearly 11 pounds or 5 kilograms of crack cocaine hidden in the folds of his stomach. Germany or Florida.

53:30 Drew Wow. That's impressive. Florida.

53:35 Caller Feels like Florida. Yeah.

53:36 Adam Kilos, a little over 2 pounds.

53:39 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

53:40 Drew 2.2 pounds.

53:44 Caller Folds.

53:44 Adam German guys get pretty healthy, pretty husky too, but Florida just feel like cocaine, flats, airports, and dogs, and very obese.

53:53 Caller Yeah, right.

53:54 Adam Florida. We're going Florida.

53:59 Caller Antone?

54:00 Caller Yeah, Florida.

54:02 Adam Yeah, our phones are screwed up. Thanks, buddy. I'll tell you, if he had gotten onto the plane, he would have been sitting next to me.

54:09 Drew Only if you're wearing shorts and a tank top.

54:12 Adam Yeah. Then you would be flying southwest. By the way, when they pull out that seatbelt extender, that's when you know you've got a problem. You know what I mean? Like when fat folks say, when I saw a picture of myself at my high school reunion, I knew it was time to lose some weight, you know, that kind of thing. But when they bust out, when the stewardess busts out the add-a-leaf to the extender, you know, like really the seatbelt equivalent to the table when they add that leaf on when people are coming over for Thanksgiving. When they add the extender on to the seatbelt, that's when it's time to take a good hard look in the mirror.

54:51 Caller Yeah? Yeah. Yeah.

54:54 Drew I saw that The Biggest Loser show tonight.

54:56 Adam Yeah, I saw a little of that too.

54:57 Drew Yeesh.

55:00 Adam Let me make this comment. I just flashed by and I was in my garage, monkeying around as I turned on the TV. A lot of guys talking with their shirts off on that show.

55:09 Drew Who did make them take their shirts off? You notice there's a lot of people who are pulling their shirts off.

55:13 Adam Anywhere you slice it, Drew, a lot of guys talking with their shirts off.

55:16 Drew My wife said, is the women going to take their shirt off, too? There's so much shh.

55:20 Adam A lot of three 400-pound dudes talking with their shirts off. And here's the dealio, folks. You have breasts as a male. When you're 5'9, and you're 4'25, you have boobs.

55:33 Drew You do.

55:33 Adam You have saucer-sized areolas. You have flaps. You have boobs. Good to have some hair on the nipples, which is delightful. Something about seeing morbidly obese fat guys with their shirts off has now become perfectly fine in prime time.

55:48 Drew Yeah, but this is like a little PT. Barnum-esque. This is like they're getting the people with the novelty pannice and making them expose themselves.

55:58 Adam You said the pannice, you mean the gun?

56:00 Drew Yeah, the thing that had the five pounds of, five kilos of cocaine in it.

56:03 Adam The pannice is what hangs over the belt buckle there on guys. Yeah, here's my point. I'm not a religious guy. To me, offensive is offensive.

56:14 Drew Right.

56:15 Adam It doesn't matter if it's violent. It doesn't matter if it's visually offensive. I mean, to me, yes, if somebody shows a boob on TV, of course they have to tile that out. They have to go ahead and do that. But we can see guys vomiting, we can see guys sucking a yak semen through a silly straw on Fear Factor. And now we can see guys that are morbidly obese with stretch marks that could go around Saturn and man boobs standing there lactating at 8.30 in the evening. That's fine. But if one half of one boob pops out of one bikini top, oh no baby, now we got trouble. And all I'm saying is, as long as it's game on, and it's clearly game on, it's game on now. We're showing everything now. Just go ahead and show the boob. Show the one thing we can tolerate.

57:13 Drew I don't care. We're going to die soon. Is that your policy?

57:18 Adam That's my policy. Let's see some areola. You understand that we're looking at man boob now.

57:24 Caller Yeah.

57:26 Adam You know what it's like saying? It's like saying, well, obviously you can't show vagina on TV.

57:33 Caller Uh-huh.

57:34 Adam Unless we carved one into a man, in which case we beat you on a technicality. Oh yeah, come over. Jake, show your vagina. Oh, that's fine.

57:42 Drew It's a man's.

57:42 Adam Yeah, it's a man's vagina.

57:44 Caller This is a man's boobs.

57:47 Adam He's got boobs. You understand?

57:50 Drew Except they're a little less tasteful than the female.

57:53 Adam You know, there are some folks who would argue with you, but not me. Yes, this guy has a solid C cup. A solid C cup.

58:02 Drew They seemed to have casted it that way, by the way. Didn't they? The huge panacea, the huge boobs, the huge novelty cottage cheese appearance.

58:12 Adam I don't know if you can be a white dude and be 5'11 and be well north of 300 pounds and not have some man boob on you. I mean, I don't think you have to cast it that way. All I'm saying is, is I'm looking at shirtless testimonial after shirtless goddamn testimonial. I'm not staring at metric tons of man boob, and this is prime time.

58:39 Drew And by the way, that is all, not all, but some of that is estrogen mediated. All the adipose tissue creates a lot of estrogen and that makes the boobs grow.

58:47 Adam Again, my argument, if we carved, now this is a bare breast. This is a naked breast. It exists on a man, but it's a naked breast.

58:54 Drew Send a letter to their sponsors.

58:57 Adam Yeah, I'd like to see, I'd like to see, I'd like to just put a vagina in a man's forehead. And people are going, look at that, it's a hairy pink vagina. Oh no, it's on a dude.

59:07 Drew It's on his head.

59:07 Adam It's on his head.

59:08 Caller It's on dude.

59:08 Drew All right, so anyway.

59:09 Adam And it's talking. Well, wait a minute, it just lit a cigar.

59:15 Caller Oh wow.

59:16 Drew Oh, it's Monica's.

59:18 Adam That's all I'm saying. I just, just this whole part where everyone is doing disgusting things and people are vomiting and drinking bile and we're looking at man boob and we've cleared every single goddamn hurdle, but the boob hurdle.

59:33 Drew Yeah. Where's our friend Caroline Ray been the last couple years anyway?

59:37 Caller I ran into her.

59:38 Drew Yeah.

59:39 Caller Ran into her at a restaurant.

59:40 Drew She gonna come up?

59:42 Adam She yelled at me.

59:43 Drew That's good.

59:44 Adam I told you about that.

59:45 Drew Yeah, she yelled for you, not at you.

59:47 Adam Well, I was walking past her, she yelled at me.

59:49 Drew Yeah.

59:50 Adam And it was funny because the same night, I was telling you, and this is really how you can tell what kind of person you are. I was at a movie theater with my wife. We were walking in the movie. It was at night. I'd walked right past. Caroline Ray was eating up in some kiosk that was three feet above me and off to the right. I'd passed her. It was long gone. And I hear this voice from way behind. Adam!

1:00:12 Caller What? Turn around and look.

1:00:13 Adam There's Caroline Ray. She's eating with ten people. I come over and say hi and then walk away. Later on that night, we see Paola, who's the director of my TLC show.

1:00:24 Drew You avoid her.

1:00:25 Adam My wife sees her. Oh my God, Adam, there's Paola. Keep walking.

1:00:29 Drew Put your head down.

1:00:30 Adam And I like Paola.

1:00:31 Drew I know.

1:00:32 Adam That's the other thing. I just keep walking. That was my thing. Just look down and walk with purpose, honey. Like we're in a bad neighborhood or something. And I realize I think I'm a bad person for that. Caroline Wright screaming across this crowded theater at me. I see someone I work with on a daily basis and enjoy past eight feet from her and tell my wife to look down at her feet and start walking. What is that, Drew?

1:00:57 Drew Yeah, that's your thing about being noticed and, you know, existing to other people, you know, like that.

1:01:02 Caller Yeah.

1:01:03 Adam Who are you talking to?

1:01:07 Caller Let's keep going. Sarah?

1:01:10 Hello?

1:01:11 Adam You're 18?

1:01:12 Caller Yes.

1:01:13 Caller What's up?

1:01:15 Caller I'm bisexual and I'm dating a straight man who is 18. And what happened to you?

1:01:24 Caller Let's just get to it because I'm thirsty.

1:01:28 Adam I'm going to break early.

1:01:30 Caller What happened?

1:01:30 Adam Because what happened to you? You're angry. Someone molested you.

1:01:33 Caller What's going on?

1:01:34 Caller No, no, no, no, no, no. It's just like, well, I want to try to like experience more of my bisexuality because.

1:01:43 Drew No, what happened? Let's get back to what happened. What made you so unable to be in a stable relationship? Talk about it. What did you get in that angry feeling from her?

1:01:58 Caller Yeah, a little bit.

1:01:59 Adam She dropped the S-bomb, so got to put her on hold for just a couple of few.

1:02:04 Caller Let's see. 34-year-old boyfriend doesn't want to have sex, can't understand why. Attracted to girls, are chaotic, has issues with brother-in-law, unless it is wife.

1:02:17 Drew Oh, like when they are kids.

1:02:18 Caller Oh, that's interesting. Calling from Alaska.

1:02:22 Adam Brad?

1:02:23 Caller That's me.

1:02:24 Adam 24? Now you're 26. What's up?

1:02:28 Caller All right, I've been married to my wife for eight years next month, and two years into the relationship, I found out she had an eating disorder, and by way of therapy, found out that my brother-in-law had molested my wife and her sister growing up, numerous times, and that was, I guess, the stem of all that.

1:02:49 Adam And is that her biological brother?

1:02:51 Caller Yes.

1:02:52 Caller All right.

1:02:52 Adam Do you go to, you go to therapists in Alaska? Yep.

1:02:58 Caller I'm in the military, so everywhere we go, we just kind of pick up with a new therapist.

1:03:02 Caller Oh, okay. Well, that's good.

1:03:03 Drew Well done.

1:03:05 Adam I'm trying to picture the indigenous therapist in Alaska.

1:03:08 Drew They have a potlatch. They give each other juice.

1:03:11 Caller We went home on leave about four years ago, and we have small children and I don't have the sofa.

1:03:17 Adam They have that huge pelt that you lie down on, and everyone throws you up in the air.

1:03:21 Drew Yes. Yeah. It's liberating.

1:03:25 Adam Let me tell you something. That'd be all the therapy you needed. You're paying some guy 110 bucks for 50 minutes to tell you what you already know about your parents. They'd put you in one of those big seal pelt things, 20 guys gather around and throw you up in the air. You're screaming like a maniac after a half hour of that, you never felt better. Dorphin rush, walking on a cloud for the next week.

1:03:47 Caller Yeah.

1:03:47 Drew Perfect.

1:03:49 Adam All right, Brad, so now you're mad at your brother-in-law?

1:03:52 Caller Well, yeah, I mean, man, this guy, we went home on leave about four years ago. And I found out after the fact that the guy tried to molester again while I was in the other room sleeping with the kids.

1:04:05 Caller Oh boy.

1:04:07 Adam With sleeping with the kids.

1:04:08 Drew Why do you bring the kids around this perpetrator?

1:04:10 Adam Well, he didn't know.

1:04:11 Caller I didn't know that at the time. No. And now how old was you?

1:04:15 Adam Hold on. She was she was like 20 at the time. Or how old was she?

1:04:19 Caller Must have been 25.

1:04:22 Drew All right. What's the question?

1:04:23 Caller Well, I get a minute.

1:04:25 Adam Wait a minute. She was 25 when he tried to molester again.

1:04:28 Caller Right.

1:04:29 Adam Well, how old is she now?

1:04:31 Caller Thirty one to be 31 in October. So, yeah, another month. So he's 30 now.

1:04:36 Adam Hold on.

1:04:37 Caller Let me let me talk to my on again, off again lover.

1:04:43 Adam Something is is deeply wrong here with her, her, him, it, them, us, everyone.

1:04:50 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:04:54 Adam He trying to make a move when she's 25. Oh, it's just that that's twisted.

1:05:00 Caller Yeah.

1:05:02 Adam Her reporting that being in a position with chaos. What is she sleeping in there for? I'm in the next room with the kids.

1:05:11 Drew Yeah.

1:05:12 Caller What?

1:05:12 Adam Why is she in the room with the kids?

1:05:14 Drew You know how victims lay themselves out for further victimization.

1:05:18 Adam Yeah.

1:05:18 Drew It's a classic situation. But it'd be that as a here's the bottom line. They're getting therapy. They're working it out. What the hell are you doing keeping this brother-in-law in your guys life in any way at all at any time? What are you doing?

1:05:32 Caller I understand that. Now, we're in Alaska because I'm military. So he is basically coming up with my in-laws to visit. My in-laws are not in Alaska.

1:05:43 Adam Dear in-laws, do they know what went on?

1:05:46 Caller No. No.

1:05:49 Drew One of the things I was wondering is if it actually happened.

1:05:52 Adam No, I'm not wondering that. I'm wondering what is up with your wife? Why was she in a room with this guy when she knows what he's capable of? Why were you in the next room sleeping with the kids? Why wasn't she with you in that room?

1:06:04 Caller Well, I think the way it ended up happening is we have three kids. So I was putting the baby down the bed type thing, and she was in her old bedroom, and the brother didn't live there at the time, and he's also military. So he was coming back and forth and just in on some kind of leave or something. So it wasn't a situation where I knew anything was going on or thought anything was going on.

1:06:26 Drew You're missing the point.

1:06:27 Adam How did she tell you that he tried something?

1:06:30 Caller Well, it basically happened. I sat in on a couple of therapy sessions with her, and that's when it all came out. I had no clue when we got married or...

1:06:40 Adam All right, Brad, stay with the therapy, and she owes nothing to this family. No more kids. Keep an eye on this one.

1:06:47 Drew Oh, this guy is not alone with anybody.

1:06:49 Adam Oh, forget about it. I'm just talking about your wife. I like the idea of a military therapist. You will address me in a clear and present tone.

1:07:01 Caller Don't eyeball me, son.

1:07:03 Adam Just picture a guy with short cropped hair.

1:07:05 Caller Hoorah.

1:07:08 Adam Be funny. You just kind of head ease. You lie down on the sofa. So you're blaming your parents, are you? Don't eyeball me, son. Actually, a mixture of a DI and a therapist would probably be the way to go.

1:07:26 Drew Wouldn't be bad. Dr. Phil.

1:07:28 Adam Yeah, because I get the guy in the crew neck sweater scratching his beard. He's not listening.

1:07:34 Caller It's clearly not listening.

1:07:36 Adam I've told him the same story over and over again.

1:07:38 Get on your knees, scumbag.

1:07:42 Adam You can see his thought bubble is just like one of those. Remember those birds from the 70s you'd feel with the red fluid and would just bob up and down?

1:07:50 Caller Yes.

1:07:50 Adam That's what's in my therapist thought bubble.

1:07:52 Drew I'm imagining a log with a saw.

1:07:56 Adam Slowly sawing. But it's like a cartoon. It's not going any deeper into the log. It just keeps going back and forth.

1:08:03 Caller Hi, Drew.

1:08:04 Adam I got to get some water.

1:08:05 Drew Take a break.

1:08:06 Adam We'll be back. We'll talk to you about bisexual 18 year old Sarah after this. Dude, you got issues.

1:08:13 Caller Call Loveline.

1:08:14 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:08:16 Drew Loveline is brought to you by the iPod Nano.

1:08:19 Apple has done it again.

1:08:20 Drew They took everything you love about the iPod and shrunk it.

1:08:23 Adam Check it out at apple.com. Yeah, Loveline. That's what I'm talking about. Weather traffic, traffic news and weather coming in at the top of the Arcade. Checking in at 71 degrees. El Cajon, 71 degrees. Norco, 71. New Hall, Saugus. Checking in 71 big degrees out there. Tell you what, right now, it's dealing days going on in Monrovia, Ford, too. I'll tell you what, this whole section, this whole segment was brought to you by Monrovia, Ford's dealing days. What do you got to say over there, Dr. Drew? We got traffic weather, weather traffic, and news coming up.

1:08:59 Drew You must have had quite a light show last night with that electrical storm.

1:09:01 Adam Yeah. Oh, it was it was raining. It was it was something. It's awesome. But here's the thing about here's the thing about living in the SoCal area is you get rain and you get you get some smog and you get some heat. But that's about it. You don't get any fun. I mean, you know, you get those crazy, those crazy lightning shows and thunder. And you don't get that kind of stuff. They get too much. You know, a little hail once a blue moon is, you know, overall, no weather is good weather. Don't get me wrong. But some of that stuff that goes on in the Midwest, if you think about it, I mean, if you look at it, it's dramatic. It is beautiful.

1:09:47 Drew I mean, I had a parent, a patient, rather, whose grandparents, mother, grandmother and grandfather were both killed by lightning in the same same thunderstorm.

1:09:56 Adam Wow.

1:09:57 Drew Yeah.

1:09:58 Adam Yeah, like there, there's people that have been hit by lightning five, six times. Same people.

1:10:03 Drew Crazy.

1:10:04 Adam It's a God's put a hit out on you. Mafia God.

1:10:08 Caller The Godfather.

1:10:10 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:10:11 Caller Yeah.

1:10:11 Adam I mean, really, I mean, it's one thing getting hit by lightning once or twice, but when you get hit by lightning five, six times, it's you really got to start wondering at a certain point what you're doing wrong and or who needs you.

1:10:23 Drew Right. They need you.

1:10:24 Adam They need you.

1:10:25 Drew Yeah. There's a plan.

1:10:26 Adam You always like that. I always like when there's a plan and they needed you. But it's funny when the, you know, the three-year-old gets backed over on the big wheel. It's like God needed Aaron up. Well, what do you need the three-year-old for?

1:10:37 Caller Yeah.

1:10:38 Adam Even if you're starting a little league or a T-ball team, still you go, you go six or seven. You don't go three. He didn't have a plan. He needed him.

1:10:47 Caller All right.

1:10:48 Adam I understand you're grieving, but go ahead and make stuff up.

1:10:53 Caller Okay.

1:10:55 Adam Bad things happen and it's good to learn from those bad things, but you just don't make stuff up. I mean, here's what I mean.

1:11:01 Drew Well, you know, people do. They make stuff up that they feel like it should be.

1:11:05 Adam Yeah.

1:11:06 Drew Something in them goes, it should be like that.

1:11:09 Adam Something horrible happens and now your child is gone and you've decided that God needed him. Well, now he's up there, he's looking down at you.

1:11:18 Drew Contending with something.

1:11:18 Adam But I understand that. But here's the thing. The folks in New Orleans, what they need to do is not worry about God. They need to get the Corps of Engineers over there, get the levy worked out, get some insurance and get a fire extinguisher and a flashlight. That whole part, and they're not, I mean, they are going to do that. But my point is, is when you start just sort of worrying about what people are doing, sometimes you neglect.

1:11:45 Drew The more practical matters. Yeah. Put a matter of matters at hand.

1:11:49 Adam Put a fence around the pool, that way the next kid won't drown in it.

1:11:53 Drew Yeah.

1:11:54 Adam That's what I'm saying.

1:11:55 Drew Foil God's plan.

1:11:56 Adam Yeah, that's right. I know he needs him, but let him take the neighbor kid.

1:11:59 Caller Okay.

1:12:00 Adam Let's.

1:12:00 Drew We're going to talk to four about Sarah. Finish with Brad in Alaska.

1:12:04 Adam Yeah.

1:12:05 Caller Therapy.

1:12:06 Adam Army therapist. Sarah?

1:12:09 Caller Yes. I'm sorry. I would like to apologize for like sparring earlier. It's because I was in my room and my hamster was like really loud.

1:12:16 Caller I'm sorry.

1:12:18 Adam You bitch. So you have a hamster?

1:12:21 Yeah.

1:12:22 Caller His name is Mercutio.

1:12:24 Adam Yeah. Is he?

1:12:26 Caller Does he have one of those habit trails?

1:12:29 Caller Um, I don't know.

1:12:31 Drew One one thousand, two one thousand.

1:12:33 Caller Don't know what habit trail is?

1:12:35 Caller No.

1:12:36 Adam Is he having a regular hamster cage?

1:12:38 Caller Yeah, I have like a regular hamster cage. He stuck the food in his mouth and he rolled around like in the wheel and it makes really loud noise.

1:12:46 Caller Okay.

1:12:47 Caller I'm sorry.

1:12:48 Adam Throw some lithium grease on that. So Sarah, you're bisexual.

1:12:54 Drew And our question was, why can't you be in a stable relationship? What happened to you that made it difficult for you?

1:13:01 Caller It's because like I've been trying to find like for so long, like the perfect relationship and like I've been and it's been like really hard for me and I actually finally found someone but I want to experience more of my bisexuality.

1:13:17 Drew No, Sarah, stop with the intellectualized BS. The reality is, you've made the case again, which is that you're in a good relationship, now you have to sabotage it. My question is, why?

1:13:29 Caller Because I want to experience more and...

1:13:31 Drew No, no, that's not the answer. Because if you really wanted the perfect relationship and you really found the perfect relationship, nothing else would matter because it's perfect. It's exactly what you're looking for. The reality is you can't tolerate perfect or even good or even kind of good. You have to have chaos and you can't be close to somebody and you have to be abandoned. You were abandoned somewhere. So what happened?

1:13:55 Caller Yeah, like in the past, I was like abandoned and just, it just really hurt.

1:14:01 Adam Who abandoned you?

1:14:03 Caller My ex, my ex Daniel.

1:14:07 Drew Ex what?

1:14:08 Caller My ex boyfriend Daniel.

1:14:11 Drew Yeah, that's a...

1:14:12 Adam We're going before that. Where's your dad, y'all? That's my whole life, really. I just make a joke or a pun. Huh?

1:14:21 Drew What? You realize? Oh, yeah, on Loveline, yes, yes.

1:14:25 Adam Oh, no, no, not just on Loveline.

1:14:26 Drew Oh, everywhere.

1:14:27 Adam At home, on the road. Doesn't matter. What?

1:14:30 Drew You're too sharp.

1:14:30 Adam Did you say something?

1:14:31 Drew That means I'm too sharp.

1:14:33 Caller Is that what I am?

1:14:33 Drew Yeah, too smart.

1:14:34 Caller All right. Sarah.

1:14:36 Caller Yes?

1:14:37 Adam Your father.

1:14:39 Caller Oh, crap.

1:14:40 Adam Where is he?

1:14:42 Caller He's in another state. I have no where idea where he's at.

1:14:47 Drew When I said you were abandoned, that's what I was talking about.

1:14:49 Caller I'm sorry.

1:14:51 Adam If you don't know, by the way, if you're choosing states that you may be at, start with Florida and then you move on to Florida. And then there's Nevada and then you go back to Florida again.

1:15:01 Caller Yeah. He went from Iowa to... Then you went to Florida.

1:15:08 Adam Hold on.

1:15:08 Drew Hold on.

1:15:09 Adam Hold on. Hold on, Drew. Help me up. Oh, Florida. Shocking. Revelation, Drew. Who knew that some deadbeat dad went to Florida? It must be possible.

1:15:28 Caller Yeah. All right.

1:15:29 Adam When are we going to put a fence around that place? So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to turn it into an internment camp for deadbeat dads.

1:15:39 Drew Sorry about that.

1:15:40 Adam Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to put a big wall around Florida, and then I'm going to get a bullhorn. And I'm going to be like, look, I know there's some of you NBA players that don't deserve to be here. Of course, many of you NBA players are deadbeat fires. We're going to airlift out a handful of the NBA players and golf pros who live here full time. The rest of you, we know you did something. It may take a few years to process it. Until then, look at this as your Guantanamo Bay. That's going to be my plan, Drew. And believe me, a couple innocent people will get caught in the cracks, but by and large.

1:16:19 Drew It's like any in service of humanity. Any large project.

1:16:24 Adam Sure, always. Look, when, you know, they used to do that, as you know, when they built, you know, the Brooklyn Bridge. When they built the Golden Gate Bridge, they had quotients for it. I mean, it was, yeah, it was, they...

1:16:38 Drew Acceptable quotients.

1:16:39 Adam Yeah, they figure we will lose one man for every million dollars spent. That's the way they worked it back then. It's funny that there was a price, you know, well, it's the way you do it because skyscraper bridge, you know, how do you measure it? You don't measure it by the weight, by the height.

1:16:54 Drew Time, time.

1:16:55 Adam Time, time, but you can have a lot of guys work on it. So say, hey, if it's a $10 million project, we're gonna lose 10 guys.

1:17:00 Drew Right, I think the reason time doesn't work is because sometimes it's winter time and there's other times with more guys working. Right. If per unit of money spent, it's a uniform measure.

1:17:09 Adam Yeah, so that's how they would do it. If they're building a dam, the dam was 25 million bucks, 25 dudes were gonna die. So go ahead, sir.

1:17:17 Caller What the hell are we talking about?

1:17:19 Drew Her bisexual, her bi-bi-to-heterosexuality.

1:17:21 Adam Okay, your dad's gone, you're freaked out about intimacy, you cling to your bisexuality.

1:17:26 Drew Yeah, your dad was in a hole, so that's why you have trouble with men, and you can't have a real relationship, and you gotta keep screwing it up with the sabotage.

1:17:34 Adam So knock it off.

1:17:37 Drew Very simple.

1:17:38 Adam All right, Sarah, get some help, will you?

1:17:40 Caller Okay.

1:17:40 Adam Don't cling to this stuff. Why go through your life this way? I'm sorry Dad broke your heart.

1:17:49 Caller He had moved to like different states and he's been like abandoning, like not abandoning, but avoiding like child support. And he stopped like giving us birthday gifts and it's just hurts and it works.

1:18:01 Drew Yeah, he's an a-hole, Sarah.

1:18:03 Adam He's a bad guy.

1:18:04 Drew But don't recreate that by trying to make it right by being with another guy just like dad. Or by not being with a nice guy.

1:18:12 Adam Not all guys are bad.

1:18:13 Drew That's right.

1:18:14 Adam Your dad's bad, but not mine. Yeah, our dad, okay, everyone's dad's bad.

1:18:19 Drew But listen, find the nice guy you're with is great, but learn how to be in a relationship with him. You don't know how to do that. All you know how to do is to try to long for somebody like dad, and that's going to keep you constantly unhappy.

1:18:30 Adam These guys, really, they have no notion of what they do to their daughters.

1:18:36 Drew A-holes. Come on. They don't care.

1:18:42 Adam To me, people talk about sociopaths, people that kill people, or...

1:18:50 Drew Psychopaths.

1:18:51 Adam People, well, I guess a sociopath that kills someone is a psychopath. Or otherwise, otherwise you're just a publicist if you're a sociopath, but you have no empathy for others.

1:19:02 Drew Right, that's a sociopath.

1:19:04 Adam One could make an argument that these deadbeat dads are sociopaths. I mean, all of them by nature. I know it sounds a little heavy handed, but you have a daughter, you have your own flesh and blood or a son, and you choose just to, well, I'm going to move to Florida and I'll never see the person again. One could argue that that's stronger than killing somebody. I mean, Drew, you could probably live with taking another life depending on the circumstances and depending on what it was and how you wanted to rationalize it versus not seeing any of your kids ever.

1:19:43 Drew Oh my God.

1:19:44 Adam You know what I'm talking about?

1:19:45 Drew It's a spiritual death.

1:19:47 Adam But it would seem like there would be a biological mandate that would be even stronger.

1:19:52 Drew Right.

1:19:53 Adam And that's why I would argue an even greater argument for sociopathy.

1:19:59 Drew Agreed.

1:20:00 Adam Wow.

1:20:01 Caller Powerful stuff.

1:20:03 Drew Unfortunately, our culture feeds people such a load of s.

1:20:07 Caller Oh.

1:20:08 Drew I almost said it. That, oh, the kids have raised themselves these days. It's no big deal. They're fine. They're happy. They're thriving. They didn't create them up.

1:20:15 Adam I didn't have a dad. Look at me.

1:20:16 Drew Look how I turned around. You'll get a little whooping once in a while. Listen, people rationalize so much horse crap in our culture as it pertains to kids because of what happened to them and their own willingness to do their job.

1:20:31 Caller Thank you. All right. Yeah.

1:20:33 Adam Let's take a break.

1:20:34 Caller Yeah.

1:20:34 Adam That's a good one.

1:20:36 Caller Good one to think on, Drew.

1:20:38 Adam We'll take a quick break. When we come back.

1:20:41 Drew Veronica.

1:20:42 Caller Veronica. Veronica, Veronica, her boyfriend.

1:20:44 Adam Boyfriend doesn't want sex. She's 23. She's hot because her name is Veronica.

1:20:48 Caller We'll be back after this.

1:20:50 Caller Loveline be right back in a minute.

1:21:05 Adam Yeah, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Get it on, baby.

1:21:16 Caller David Line, I'm dying.

1:21:22 Adam Hold my neck. You know that thing every once in a while, you yawn or you do something, and all of a sudden your neck goes down.

1:21:30 Caller Where are we going here, buddy?

1:21:31 Drew Veronica, remember?

1:21:32 Adam Yeah, I do remember. I've seen Julie, your fiance, stole 10 grand from her.

1:21:36 Drew I want to talk to her too, but first, Veronica.

1:21:39 Adam Veronica?

1:21:42 Caller 23?

1:21:43 Adam What's up?

1:21:44 Caller Well, I'm 23 and I'm kind of sick.

1:21:47 Caller I met my boyfriend when I was 18. He was like almost 20, and he was 29 at a movie theater. So we've been together ever since, but he wouldn't have sex with me for like the first two years because I think he said because of my age, I was too young and he didn't feel right. But all his friends are my age.

1:22:05 Adam Whoa, whoa, whoa. You were 18.

1:22:08 Caller And he was like 29, 30.

1:22:11 Drew That's a little weird.

1:22:12 Adam A little weird, but you were legal.

1:22:14 Caller Yeah.

1:22:15 Adam Yeah. What did, did he work at the movie theater?

1:22:19 Caller No, we just both went and we've seen the same movie. So we just bumped into each other.

1:22:23 Drew That's a little weird.

1:22:24 Caller Okay.

1:22:25 Adam You both went, you both went alone to the same movie?

1:22:29 Caller No, I was with my sister and he was with his friend.

1:22:33 Caller Okay.

1:22:33 Drew How did you start talking to somebody in a movie theater?

1:22:37 Caller Well, cause my sister was younger. She was like 16 and she went up to him and started talking to him. And he said he wanted to talk to me. And I just.

1:22:46 Drew Again, during a movie?

1:22:48 Adam Well, I'm guessing after the theater.

1:22:51 Caller Yeah.

1:22:51 Adam After the movie.

1:22:52 Caller Yeah, after the movie he started talking to me. Yeah.

1:22:55 Adam Let's say they were at one of the Magic Johnson cinemas and then it would have been another movie.

1:22:59 Caller Yeah. So, you know.

1:23:00 Adam It's like a singles party over there.

1:23:02 Drew Nice.

1:23:03 Caller We've been together ever since. It took us like two, three years to have sex. And I mean, I would sleep with him with just my shirt on, nothing else on. I just, it took me so long to get him to sleep.

1:23:15 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:23:15 Adam Yeah.

1:23:15 Caller Yeah.

1:23:16 Adam Okay. Here's the deal. You know, him being 13 and you being 18, he might not have felt great about that. But the point is, is you're legally an adult and two years is a hell of a long time. And I'm wondering what's up with this guy.

1:23:31 Drew Exactly.

1:23:32 Adam Because why was he with you at all?

1:23:34 Caller Yeah. And the thing about it is, all he wants me to do is give him head all the time. And I mean, like, I'm thinking, I've gave over it. I've given him over 400 blow jobs probably by now. And it's just like, we don't...

1:23:49 Adam Let me check my data here. I got you at 389. I didn't tally in this weekend, but unless you did 11 in the last few days.

1:24:01 Caller I mean, like five years and that's all he wants. And not every day.

1:24:05 Caller Okay. All right. Well, okay.

1:24:07 Drew Some guys, that's what they're into.

1:24:09 Adam Yeah. Geniuses. I mean, some guys. Here's the thing, Veronica, you don't have to put up with this if you don't want to.

1:24:18 Caller I just can't let him go. Like I'm, I don't know if I'm so fashion cause I've been faithful to him and I'm so sexually frustrated because we won't do nothing for like three months.

1:24:30 Adam Will he give you oral, will he give you oral sex?

1:24:33 Caller No, twice.

1:24:36 Adam Twice in five years? But hold on. I'd like, you know, this got to come out with a series on cassette and just a lecture cause I'd pay twenty bucks a year. How do you do it? My secret for getting over four hundred BJs and only performing oral sex twice in two years. He could have a symposium. I'd be there in the front seat, you know, anxiously waiting, Steno pad out, dictaphone. Yes, speak my lord. How did I do it? It just made me be held the exact same way the guys who make millions in real estate. You know, my secrets. Yeah.

1:25:11 Drew You get to buy the videos, buy the tape cassettes.

1:25:13 Adam We're going to be at the airport, hide on the twenty-six. Come on down. Twenty-two dollars ahead. But if you parties are five, it's fifteen dollars. Come on down. And then buy the cassette on the way out. How I get blown without blowing. It doesn't suck to be blown. Put the guy's name under it. I have to say there's commercials with that, with that canned music.

1:25:40 Caller Bump, bump, bump.

1:25:42 Adam You know, he's spinning around and talking about, I've gotten over four hundred BJs and only performed oral twice. And then he spins around again. That sounds good, doesn't it, fellas? Done. And then they do those testimonials. I used to do nothing but eat Puntang. Then I got the series of cassettes. Now I'm, you just see the chick's head just bombing. Now I'm getting blown. Bump, bump, at work. Bump, you know. At leisure, show the guy fishing. He's sitting on his fighting chairs.

1:26:12 Drew At leisure.

1:26:14 Adam Getting a BJ at his, at his leisure. Hit a court, you know, wherever. Playing tennis. Chick just running around. Trying to give him a BJ., but he's moving too fast.

1:26:23 Drew Oh my. Huh?

1:26:24 Adam Never going down on the chick. Series of cassettes, books, motivational tapes.

1:26:31 Caller Hmm?

1:26:31 Drew Good times.

1:26:33 Adam Speak to this guy.

1:26:34 Drew So Veronica.

1:26:35 Caller Yeah.

1:26:35 Adam This guy's a mover and a shaker. What's he do?

1:26:38 Drew Veronica.

1:26:39 Caller Well, he's like a main supervisor and he also he's in a band. He does a lot for his age. All his friends are young, like my agent. And it's just, I don't.

1:26:51 Drew Hold on. Here's the deal.

1:26:53 Adam I'm interested in that comment. He does a lot for his age.

1:26:56 Drew A lot of different things.

1:26:57 Adam He's 34?

1:26:59 Drew Yeah.

1:27:00 Adam He's an active senior? What would you call him?

1:27:04 Caller No, but he's not. I mean, like, I've seen, like, I know a lot of guys, and they just don't want to do anything but be at home with family.

1:27:11 Drew No, he doesn't have a family.

1:27:13 Adam No, they have to be at home with their family. They would like to be getting blown in a rock band, believe you me. They just feel obligated to their children.

1:27:22 Drew Right.

1:27:23 Adam Bump, bump, bump, spinning around, chicks spinning with him on his penis.

1:27:30 Drew Veronica, why do you, why do you tolerate this? Why don't you just say, no, I'm not going to give you oral sex until you pay attention to me. It's very simple.

1:27:38 Caller You have, we've broken up many times and he won't let me go. He'll come back.

1:27:44 Drew That the answer to my question?

1:27:46 Adam Yeah. And he goes, and he's like, do you know the best oral sex you perform on a woman? The oral sex you don't perform. You know, that's his thing and he points at the camera.

1:28:00 Drew Perfect.

1:28:01 Caller Seminar.

1:28:02 Adam Guys got one of those weird things, the guys talk with the mouthpiece attached with the head.

1:28:09 Drew Like he's a aerobics instructor.

1:28:11 Adam Yeah, that guy. You know who wears that thing that I like? If you ever go to the auto show.

1:28:17 Drew Oh yeah, the auctioneer.

1:28:18 Adam If you go to the auto show, no, not the auctioneer. If you go to the auto show and you go down to, you know, the Sea Concourse and you go down to the part where they sell the wax and they sell the shammies and they sell the little die cast replicas of the hot rods and stuff. There's always a guy in that part that's, he's pumping some super wax and he's got a kiosk. It's four foot wide and it's three foot high. And he's standing there and he's saying, bird droppings, tree sap, road tar, not a problem with this baby. It's not a polymer, it's not a chemical, it's natural 100. Now, meanwhile, there's one guy standing two feet in front of him, but he's got the headset on, he's coming through the PA system. That's the one I like. There's one fat guy standing there holding a Daihatsu bag. And he's standing literally three feet in front of this guy, but he's got the headphone on and he's got the speaker. You understand the speaker's further away from the guy than the guy is from the other guy. Oh my god. That guy. Nothing sadder than the headset built into the thing guy who doesn't need the headset guy.

1:29:26 Drew All right. All right, Veronica, so the deal is you hold all the goods, you don't have to participate in any of this. You just tell them no. Believe me, guys will come around immediately. It's ridiculous.

1:29:38 Adam I don't trust this dude.

1:29:39 Drew Oh, of course the guy's gonna ask me.

1:29:40 Adam And Veronica's dumb. I don't know what the hell, Veronica. Veronica, what are you doing for a living?

1:29:45 Caller Huh?

1:29:46 Caller What do you do? I work.

1:29:50 Caller I do loans for the government.

1:29:52 Caller You do loans for the government?

1:29:53 Caller Yeah, like student loans for people who want to go to school. I do, you know, like I help process loans.

1:29:59 Adam Do you have a decent job?

1:30:01 Caller Yeah, I have two and then I manage apartment complexes as well.

1:30:05 Caller Oh, that's scary. Weird chain smokers and windbreakers.

1:30:10 Caller No, I don't smoke.

1:30:11 Caller Yeah, but you wear that windbreaker.

1:30:13 Adam Don't be able to turn that stereo down.

1:30:15 Caller Not really. No, and then I do, I do all kinds of things.

1:30:18 Caller Like also I just check it.

1:30:22 Adam Nobody dies here than the apartment manager.

1:30:24 Caller Yeah.

1:30:25 Drew Julie, Julie, 24, Julie.

1:30:30 Caller Hi.

1:30:31 Drew Hi.

1:30:31 Adam 24. Your fiance stole $10,000 from you.

1:30:35 Caller Uh, yeah.

1:30:36 Caller Long story short.

1:30:38 Drew That's about all we need to know. So your dad's in Florida too.

1:30:44 Caller What happened?

1:30:44 Adam How did he get? How'd you get $10,000?

1:30:46 Caller Uh, in inheritance. Well, that makes sense now.

1:30:52 Adam And how did he get his hands on it?

1:30:55 Caller Uh, you know, I trusted him.

1:30:57 Caller I let him use my bank card.

1:30:59 Caller We were engaged and gave him my PIN number.

1:31:02 Adam And, uh, yeah. But, you know, I can't get more than 200 bucks at a time out of that.

1:31:08 Caller Yeah.

1:31:08 Drew What do you take? $800 every time?

1:31:10 Caller For a period of eight or nine months. Right.

1:31:14 Adam I mean, even if he's taking 200 bucks a day, it's still going to take like 50 days, right?

1:31:21 Caller I screw that up.

1:31:22 Drew What do you mean he stole it?

1:31:23 Caller Yeah.

1:31:24 Drew You guys were sharing a life together and you gave him your card.

1:31:28 Caller I didn't give him permission to take money out of my savings account.

1:31:32 Adam Well, why'd you give me your card and give me your PIN number?

1:31:34 Caller Because I trusted him.

1:31:35 Caller I was going to marry this guy.

1:31:37 Drew Yeah, but you trusted him to take money out.

1:31:39 Adam Give me your card and your PIN number sort of expecting him to take some money out of the account.

1:31:44 Caller No, I don't think so.

1:31:45 Drew What was he supposed to do with the card and the PIN number?

1:31:48 Caller Oh, you know, little things like, I don't have any cash. I want this. Go to the store. You know.

1:31:53 Drew That's what he did.

1:31:54 Adam That's what he did.

1:31:55 Drew He just couldn't manage it as well as you might have.

1:31:57 Adam Did he? What did he?

1:31:58 Caller No, no, that was a lot of money.

1:32:01 Adam It is a lot of money. I mean, not for me. I'm literally a millionaire.

1:32:05 Drew Literally.

1:32:06 Adam But for you folks, or the little people, so I like to call you that, is a hell of a lot of money.

1:32:10 Drew It's a lot of money, but again, people manage their money differently. This guy may not have known, had any sense of what he was doing.

1:32:15 Adam Well, was he doing drugs?

1:32:16 Caller I think you're trivializing the problem. That was a lot of money to me.

1:32:19 Drew No, I'm not trivializing it. I'm saying that it may not have been like he was stealing. Like, I'm going to get away with something. He may have just been one of these people that can't manage money.

1:32:29 Adam Was he doing drugs?

1:32:31 Drew Yes. Oh, well, there you go.

1:32:32 Adam Let's try to spend the money on drugs.

1:32:34 Drew That's a totally thing. He's not stealing. He's a drug addict.

1:32:37 Caller Yes, and a gambling addict, he admitted.

1:32:40 Adam All right.

1:32:41 Drew Well, that's a different picture.

1:32:41 Adam He's a bad guy. I'll tell you this.

1:32:45 Drew His dad's in Florida.

1:32:46 Adam Yeah. Ten dollars. The sorry, ten thousand dollars, I guess, like ten dollars to me. The ten thousand dollars, as much as money, at least that sounds like a small price to pay. Not to get hooked up with a drug addict and a guy who's addicted to gambling.

1:33:01 Drew Yeah. All right. It's the price of freedom.

1:33:05 Adam Yes. Now listen, Julie, if you hook up with another drug addict, then that ten thousand dollars will just be dust in the wind. If not, look at it as a down payment on the rest of your life.

1:33:16 Drew And education, too.

1:33:18 Adam Yes. College costs more than that, right?

1:33:21 Drew You learn what kind of guys you shouldn't be around. All right. We'll take a break.

1:33:25 Adam We'll be back.

1:33:25 Caller All right, guys.

1:33:26 Drew Here's the deal. Look in the hookup. Call the Dateline.

1:33:29 Caller Stick a waste in time with the wrong person.

1:33:30 Drew Call the Dateline.

1:33:31 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:33:33 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:34 Caller 1-877-889. Date.

1:33:39 Caller If you need to.

1:33:42 Caller Call Loveline.

1:33:43 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:34:02 Caller Yeah.

1:34:05 Adam Loveline. That's the show. Everyone watch Too Late Tonight, 12 o'clock, Roseanne Barr on Comedy Central. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo. Pitbulls.

1:34:18 Caller Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, pitbull. This has been Loveline.

1:34:26 Adam The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, September 20, 2005