Episode 1000728771140

0:56 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. Sexually oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline. With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Adam Hey, everybody.

1:21 Ooh.

1:21 Voiceover Loveline. Does this seem weird or loud? Or maybe it's just my headphones. Hey, Drew. Phone number, 1-800. Quiet. 1-800-LOVE. Y'all kicking the nuts from here. He's out in DC. Very long leg. 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician and Addiction Medicine Specialist. Not the Love Doctor, everybody, but actual Board Certified Physician. You're in Washington, DC, tonight.

1:47 I take it you said down, right?

1:48 Drew I am.

1:49 Adam Wow. That's awesome. You're in DC tonight, Drew.

1:53 Drew Yeah, it's awesome.

1:54 Adam All right. Turn your cans down. Coheed and Cambria are here tonight. I know I butchered Cambria. Claudio Sanchez and Michael Todd, both here from the band and welcome to the show, you guys.

2:05 Guest How's it going?

2:06 Adam How are you? We're probably as tired as you guys are because these guys just flew in from New York and had to do a bunch of press and I haven't been home yet. I left at nine this morning and Drew, I'm sure is whooped because his ass was on a plane to DC. But hold on, Coheed and Cambria songs get intermixed within the best stuff. So we take like a show where David Allen Grier was being extra funny. We get a few plugs for the band in, we hear some music, maybe we play three songs instead of two songs, we all go home and get some much needed shut eye.

2:40 Guest I'm feeling it.

2:41 Adam Yeah.

2:43 Guest That's a plan. And Drew is on one o'clock in the morning schedule right now.

2:46 Adam Oh my God.

2:46 Drew It's beautiful. It's a beautiful thing.

2:49 Adam I don't think we're going to be able to get away with that, but I think I think what we should do. The band is, by the way, going out on tour September 27th. They're going to be in Atlantic City, New Jersey, and then going everywhere, right?

3:02 Guest Yeah, pretty much all over the country.

3:03 Adam Out here, they'll be at the Will Turn, which is a beautiful. Have you guys played the Will Turn yet?

3:10 Guest I don't think we have yet.

3:11 Adam It's a bitchin old theater.

3:14 Guest Yeah, I heard it's a really cool room. Have we played it?

3:15 Adam Amazing. Well, it's an amazing creative name. It's on, it's on Willshire and Western. That's the corner that it's on. So they just, some genius just went ahead and named it Will Turn Theater and thought, and here's what you get. Nobody puts that together. They just put the crappy name part together. So you really, you're getting the worst of all worlds. You don't get the part where people remember it's on Willshire and Western. You just get the funky, weird name.

3:41 Guest And they get the phone calls asking about the address.

3:43 Adam Speaking about, do I sound weird in this microphone?

3:46 Drew You do, you sound strange. No, no, it sounds weird like you're fuzzy.

3:52 Adam Really?

3:53 Alright, alright.

3:55 Adam I think in the band, I know you get asked all the time about the name. And some bands don't like talking about the name. But do you guys mind talking about it or do you care? Where did the name come from?

4:05 Guest It's actually two characters in a story I'm working on.

4:08 Adam And you guys, does everyone in the band work on, I don't want to call them comic books. Is that offensive?

4:15 Guest No, you can call it comic books, graphic novels, it doesn't matter.

4:18 Adam Graphic novels. But I mean it's like calling a, you know, sanitation engineer a janitor. They don't like it. I'll go with graphic novel and kiss a little ass.

4:29 Guest That works.

4:30 Adam But does it have to be a little bit thicker to be a graphic novel or is it still comic book size?

4:35 Guest Yeah, the graphic novels are big and glossy.

4:37 Adam Oh really? And like average comic books, like porn script thick, right?

4:44 Guest Yeah, totally. Like 23 pages.

4:46 Adam Oh, porn don't go, no, that's taboo one, two and three right there, 22 pages.

4:51 Guest Sorry, I thought you said trilogy.

4:53 Adam Taboo trilogy. All right, we're going to, I think we should hear a song because Drew, Yeah. You are going to love this band. This band is unique. There's nothing else. Uh-oh, Michelle's got a little confused. Oh, and the computer's not up either. How do I start the computer, Drew? That will work. Yeah.

5:16 Drew Control. No, you just push any button.

5:18 Adam All right.

5:19 Drew And then push Alt D.

5:22 Adam Yeah, hold on. Do I have to hold down the any button?

5:24 Drew No, no, just Alt D. All right.

5:28 Adam Let me tell you something. I've never felt more retarded than when I'm working a computer and you got the mouse in one hand and people's going, yeah, just hit Return. No, just hit, don't, just break. No, just, and then their hand goes onto your hand and starts moving the mouse around like you're a retarded kid, you know. It just don't go up. No, upper left. No, too far. No, gone past. Now, I just see a kaleidoscope on the screen because I'm freaking out because I realize people think I'm an idiot at this point.

5:54 Guest I don't know. That's funny. I was just thinking, what a team.

5:56 Adam What a team.

5:57 Guest From 3,000 miles away.

5:59 Adam Oh, yeah.

5:59 Drew That's right.

6:00 Guest Operate a computer together.

6:01 Adam Yeah. All right.

6:02 Drew Did you get it? Alt D and then enter.

6:04 Adam All right. Where is the alt D?

6:07 Drew Just alt is to the left of the space bar.

6:10 Adam All right. Yeah. Cap, shift, center. Yeah.

6:13 Drew Alt.

6:15 Adam That alt. All right. Why don't you say that alt and then D. The letter D. The letter D and then enter.

6:21 Drew Did something happen?

6:25 Adam We didn't. But I think a garage door opened in Pacoima.

6:30 Drew We'll work on it during the song.

6:32 Adam All right. But we don't have the song either.

6:36 Drew All right.

6:36 Adam Yeah. Well, let me tell you this because I'm going to start singing the dreidel song if we can't get this worked out. Oh, we do. Okay. Yeah. Coheed and Cambria, everybody. Who knows what goes on in the old vagina, the old vagina, the old vagina.

6:51 Guest Thank you. One million sold.

6:54 Adam All right. I don't even know what song we're playing. We're playing Welcome Home. Welcome Home. Coheed and Cambria, everybody. In studio tonight, Claudio and Michael, both here from the band. You like that, don't you, Drew?

11:33 Drew Yes, I do. How did you know?

11:35 Adam Well, because you know why? It's symphonic. It's melodic. It's big.

11:40 Drew Cool.

11:40 Adam Yeah. I don't go for all the stripped down crap. I like it big. I like my bands like I like my ladies.

11:46 Guest The witch.

11:47 Adam Yeah. What I mean is, I like a string section, a horn section. I like to fill up the stage.

11:57 Guest I'm with you. We are as many musicians as we can get on it.

12:01 Adam Yeah.

12:02 Guest Was that music lots of?

12:03 Adam Who was that? Did you guys arranged all that and how did that all work out?

12:07 Guest A guy named Carl Bergen, right? Is that his name?

12:09 Guest Carl Bergen, yeah.

12:11 Guest Did the arrangement for the strings and it's on a couple of tracks on the new record. Then we had a quartet of musicians come in and just track themselves over and over again until they became an orchestra.

12:22 Adam Oh, really? That's how it works.

12:24 Guest And now it's that big.

12:25 Adam Now what do you guys do when you do it live?

12:28 Guest Actually, we just started doing this. We never did it before. We have a friend of ours from home. Kind of operates some keyboards and samplers and stuff and he kind of just samples digitally from the track, from the record and does the best that we can do to recreate it live. Right. You're not going to see an orchestra up there. You're going to see some dude standing behind an amp making a whole orchestra sound.

12:51 Adam Yeah. Well, good enough because I'm high. You know what I mean? So I might even be facing the stage. That's my thing. Like a little bud.

12:59 Guest Maybe the orchestra will be there then.

13:00 Adam That's what I mean. I'm staring, hopefully, if I have decent seats at thousands of people.

13:04 Guest Yeah, there'll be a whole orchestra there. That's what I meant.

13:07 Adam All right. Drew, you ready to take some phone calls?

13:09 Guest All right.

13:09 Drew Yeah, let's go.

13:10 Adam Come on. Who do you want? You want someone has a, oh, the smelly vagina call fell off.

13:16 Drew There you go.

13:17 Adam Oh, I always hate that.

13:18 Guest Was that a pun?

13:18 Adam Attracted to needy guys, the smelly vagina fell off. Hey, Danny. Danny, with an I, you're A-T. What's up?

13:30 Sorry, I didn't really think you guys, I called before and you had me on hold for like ever, so.

13:34 Adam All right, well, let's not buck that trend. We'll put you back on hold for a little while.

13:38 Guest That's my fault.

13:40 Adam I love it when everyone starts off with a subtle jab, which is, oh, I wasn't prepared to talk to you, A-holes, because the last time I called you A-holes, I was on hold with you A-holes for 90 A-holing minutes. But now I'm on? Okay, now I got a question. Don't start. Here's the deal, everyone. Save the insults for the end. Our stupid callers start with a jab in round one. Save the haymaker for round 12. Get your question in, get your answer. Then call me Dick and hang up.

14:08 Guest Grip us with the heavy details early.

14:10 Right.

14:11 Adam You know what? It's like a job. Your boss should like you for the first week or so. Barge into his office and take a dump on his desk. Wait until you quit.

14:19 Guest Then ask for a raise.

14:21 Right.

14:21 Adam That's what I'm saying. All right. Now I feel bad. Danny?

14:26 It's not like that because I live in Kansas City. So the delay is a whole day. We don't get your show until the day after you guys record it.

14:33 Drew You're fat.

14:34 Adam All right. Drew, please.

14:36 Drew Go ahead.

14:37 Adam Go ahead. Ask your question, Danny.

14:40 Okay. I get really attached to like, in terms of like me guys, in terms of I'm pretty mature for my age in my opinion, and they don't have the same goals as me, and I just get sick of it. I get like the guys that aren't motivated, and I really like my boyfriend I'm with now, but I'm afraid it's going to turn into a problem later, and it's like, is there any way to avoid that problem, or am I just using the wrong guys?

15:02 Drew You're choosing the wrong guys.

15:04 Adam Yeah. What are some of your goals?

15:06 Well, I mean like, okay, I graduated high school at a young age, and he's almost like, he's 19 right now, and it's in his last semester of high school.

15:14 Adam All right. And are you going to college?

15:17 Yeah, next year. I plan, like I'm starting, I don't have the funds to do it right now, so I'm working like really hard for a year and trying to save up for it. You know, I have jobs like, schools, like getting a good job and, you know, going to college and doing like the normal things that I think some of my age should be doing, but it just seems like- All right.

15:33 Adam Hold on, hold on. I got to give a word of advice to everyone who does that thing where they're talking about always climbing the ladder and working hard and I got goals, man. I'm not going to dump. Don't do it. It's low rent. Don't talk that way. People that have stuff never talk about that. They just quietly do it. You know, when you talk about like, it's like when I see a guy sitting at the Starbucks with that, you know, 10, 10, 10 things successful people do, they just think loser. Now, the guy wrote the book smart, but the guy's reading it's a puss, you know, don't do that.

16:05 Drew There's never been anybody who was truly successful that became successful because of those GD books.

16:10 Adam Yeah. And when you start broadcasting it, like when you go like, hey, man, I'm going places, you know, when it comes to be like, it becomes a scene from fame or something like, I'm getting out of this town. Here's Dan, I'm a climber and I need ambitious people around me and you're not cutting it. It just seems so white trash. Don't do it. That's what I'm saying. Don't quietly. Danny, be ambitious, but quietly ambitious.

16:33 Drew Oh, I don't. I'm not really close.

16:36 Guest Don't take it down a notch.

16:38 Adam Don't even talk.

16:40 No, like I'm not. You guys are like overestimating.

16:43 No, just nod.

16:44 Okay. Okay.

16:46 Adam Now, nod your, hold on. Nod your head. Nod your head, yes or no?

16:50 Drew She's nodding, yes.

16:51 Adam Are you currently enrolled in a college?

16:54 Right now?

16:56 Drew Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Bad sign.

16:58 Adam Right now is a bad sign because that ain't Harvard, baby, or Brown. No one goes, right now? Yeah, right now? I'm in Cambridge. Yeah, I'm going to Harvard.

17:07 Yeah.

17:09 You guys are so weird.

17:10 Okay.

17:11 All right.

17:11 Adam Right now, you're not going to college.

17:13 No, I just graduated high school.

17:15 Adam But I thought you graduated early. You're 18.

17:18 Caller Yeah, I just graduated last year, like the end of last year. I'm 17, so that's early for me.

17:23 Adam Okay. And you've been working hard saving up for school.

17:26 Caller Yeah.

17:28 Adam And you're going to go to a four-year college.

17:30 Caller No, two, actually.

17:32 Sorry to disappoint you guys.

17:34 Adam Let me explain. You don't have to save up to go to junior college.

17:38 Caller Are you insane?

17:39 Adam Yeah. No. As a matter of fact, anyone shows up on the campus with more than a 20 in their wallet, they'll toss your ass right out. Take your bong and your hacky sack and get out of here. You're saving up to go to junior college, like saving up to go to prison.

17:55 Caller No.

17:56 Adam You don't save up to go to prison, you just go.

18:00 Caller There's not a larger degree in my field that I'm studying.

18:04 Drew What are you studying?

18:05 Caller It's automotive.

18:07 Automotive?

18:08 Drew Oh my God.

18:09 Adam Well, now we found some common ground.

18:12 Caller All right.

18:13 Adam Yeah. What are you into? American muscle, you like the European stuff? What do you like?

18:18 Caller I don't know. I like the older cars and stuff. The problem is, is I've never, okay, this is going to sound really cliche, but I didn't have a father around to teach me that stuff, and I think that's what drove me towards it.

18:27 Drew You're overweight.

18:28 Adam Do you know anything about cars?

18:31 Caller Very, very little. Very little. What?

18:34 Drew I'm confused. You're studying it in college?

18:36 Adam Well, she's going to study it.

18:37 Guest That's the plan, right?

18:38 Adam Right.

18:38 Drew I see. Usually, they don't start from nothing, though, do they?

18:42 Adam You want to become a certified mechanic?

18:45 Caller Yeah. I'm going to get GM certified, but they start from like nothing. I'm going to know the basics, change your oil, change your tires.

18:52 Adam Oh, drop the S-bomb. Now, let me explain something about GM. It's Mr. Goodwrench.

18:58 Drew Yes, yes. Not Miss.

19:00 Adam Not Miss Goodwrench. You understand me? It's not Ms. Goodwrench, although picture that dyke. Ms. Goodwrench, haunchy, big waffle, sold boots coming down the thing.

19:12 Guest She gave me a ride down here.

19:14 Adam Pulling your dipstick out and doing it under her arm. You know, pulling it out.

19:17 Drew Or whatever.

19:19 Adam Tasting some tranny fluid. Yeah, you're running lean.

19:23 You need to flush out.

19:24 Adam You're going to flush out, tell you what. You're blowing a seal on that slave cylinder, my friend. I go ahead and tear it down for the hoist wasn't being used right now. Drive by the pad, I'll do it over the weekend. Slip me a 50. I got nothing to do. I was going to shoe a horse, but go ahead and drop your tranny, change the seals. You won't pay taxes, just go cash. Running low on red man. All right. Are we done with the lesbian cliches, Drew?

19:53 Drew Did we help this young woman?

19:54 Adam I don't know, but she is thinking about going to junior college to learn how to be a mechanic, and she's worried that her man is not ambitious enough.

20:05 Drew Right. Prices are out of the market, you see.

20:08 Guest What does he want to do? Go to real school?

20:10 Adam I'm just saying, what do you have to do to outdo that?

20:13 Drew Right. How low do you have to go?

20:15 Adam You have to be standing there with one of those cups with the handle on it and the string and the ball on it and just trying to get it in the cup for 24 hours a day, like the only less ambitious move you could do than not going to mechanic school. Danny?

20:31 Caller Ambitious for me to want to better my future?

20:34 Adam No, you should want to better your future, but go ahead and do it.

20:38 Drew Don't worry about the guys.

20:39 Adam Don't worry about this guy.

20:42 Caller Okay, so just drop him, or like?

20:44 Adam Well, he's 19. I don't know. Do you like him? Is he a good person?

20:48 Drew We haven't found out, by the way, why it took him so long to get through high school. Did he fail?

20:52 Caller Yeah, he got into a really bad drug phase.

20:55 Drew All right, well, that's a different issue than his sort of ambitiousness. He's a drug addict, and if he isn't actively in recovery, he's going to be a problem.

21:03 Caller No, he doesn't touch anything anymore at all, which I completely admire, you know what I mean? Like, you know, he had to go through some stuff to do that. But I'm just afraid that, like, I'm just going to get sick of the fact that, like, he doesn't really have a job.

21:17 Adam OK, Danny, here's the thing. Do not get pregnant.

21:21 Guest Yeah, I concur.

21:24 Adam That's that's that's it. Here's the reality. Danny, you're thinking too far ahead in relationships, too far ahead in life. You're 18. Relax. Go to college. Get get certified. Get that patch with the ASE certification on the thing.

21:41 Guest Yeah, those are nice.

21:42 Adam Get your gig at the Firestone. Get the Ms. Goodwrench thing worked out and work on work on that. He can work on staying sober and graduating high school. Do not get pregnant. Couple years you guys will be broken up anyway. It'll be no big deal. All right.

21:56 Drew There you go.

21:57 Adam Don't. You know, what is that thing? Someone has to tell like all 18 and 19 year olds, stop freaking out.

22:03 Drew Slow down.

22:04 Guest Yeah, absolutely.

22:05 Adam Don't get pregnant. It's like we're engaged. It don't don't get engaged at 18. There's nothing to prove. You have five years before you have to do anything. Just focus on little education, get in your head together, maybe a little travel, try not to get stabbed or get pregnant. And that'll be a good year. All right. Let's take ourselves a little break. Some sagely advice from the Ace man. Yes, Drew?

22:29 Drew Oh, yeah.

22:30 Adam All right. We'll take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

22:35 You have five seconds.

22:36 Drew Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Back in a minute.

22:43 Adam Heat things up with new Durex warming condoms. There's sex and then there's Durex.

22:52 Ladies and gentlemen, David Spade.

22:54 I'm about to take you on a magical journey. Okay, not really, but I am going to take you to a place that's up to its f**king smoke and mirrors.

23:00 Comedy Central's The Showbiz Show with David Spade is bringing you everything that's happening in the entertainment world.

23:05 We cover it all, from Whitney and Bobby to Jessica Simpson's dad.

23:09 Guest What's up with that guy?

23:10 The Showbiz Show with David Spade. Tearing Tinseltown a new one. Tonight at 1030, 930 Central. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

23:38 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, Coheed and Cambria in here tonight. Claudio and Michael, both represent the band, and Dr. Drew in Washington, DC. Why? Because somebody dropped a nickel. That's right. So glad I've trained you to say that. What's happening, Drew? What did you do over there tonight?

24:00 Drew Talked, I gave a talk in a synagogue.

24:03 Adam Awesome.

24:04 Drew I suggested to them that it might not have been a great environment for you to participate with me if you sort of let loose with a couple of F-bombs or something.

24:12 Adam Right.

24:12 Drew In the house of God, I don't know.

24:15 Adam Well, let me tell you something about the Jews. They're more flexible than the Christians who are tight.

24:21 Drew I see.

24:21 Adam Jews know how to tell a joke, like to tilt a little wine every once in a while. I don't really think the Jews are really, I don't know what they buy into. I think they just like eating and hanging out and having a good time. Yeah. That's my take on their religion. But they don't want to take any chances, so they fall along. Every Jew I know does something on Passover and Rosh Hashanah and all that, but none of them believe anything, but they just go, f it, I'm going to do it anyway. I don't want to chance it. They're a monkey around.

24:51 Guest I'd like to come out with you tonight, but I got to go home and have this glass of wine or whatever.

24:54 Adam Yeah, and I got to eat something.

24:56 Guest Some amatsa or whatever.

24:57 Adam Yeah, a lot of food based stuff.

25:00 Drew Unleavened though. Unleavened.

25:01 Adam Unleavened bread. That's right. What's the deal? They didn't have yeast back then, or it was too heavy to drag through the desert.

25:09 What's the deal?

25:10 Adam We'll get some yeast.

25:12 Drew No ovens, no yeast. Come on.

25:14 Adam All right. But here's the deal. Do we have to eat that crap now? That was 2,000 years ago. Well, now we have yeast in ovens. What's your excuse? Stop punishing yourself. All right. Let's take a band question. Let's see. Talk to Eric.

25:32 Caller Eric?

25:33 Adam Oh, that's a great band question. How'd you guys come up with a name? I think I already asked that question, Eric. I know you've been on hold for half an hour, so it's not your fault.

25:43 Guest That's not my question, actually.

25:45 Adam All right.

25:47 Guest What you got?

25:48 Guest I was actually wondering. There's supposed to be a story behind it, right, about Coheed and Cambria?

25:54 Guest Yeah, that's true.

25:56 Guest I was wondering if you can just tell me what the story is about exactly.

26:00 Guest Oof.

26:01 Adam Calling all nerds.

26:03 Guest It's nice sound bite. It's quite, I think it might be a little too complicated to shorten it. But Claude, what?

26:16 Guest I would suggest going to the website. They talk about it there a lot.

26:20 Guest Yeah, it's quite a long, long, long story. To get into it, we can't really sum it up briefly right now with giving it any kind of context.

26:27 Adam Anyone who wants the answer can go to what website?

26:30 Guest coeatingcambria.com.

26:32 Adam And you'll find the entire story. All right, let's talk to Seth who finds sex unbearable.

26:39 Guest Sounds like a better name.

26:40 Drew Let's do that.

26:41 Adam Yeah. Parents fault for naming you Seth. You can name Seth, you're not into sex.

26:45 Drew Speaking of Seth, I was just looking at Seth McFarlane here on Late Late Show.

26:51 Adam Oh, really?

26:51 Drew Yeah.

26:53 Guest The Family Guy creator guy?

26:54 Drew Yeah. Yeah, Bizzy brought him up last night. I guess they dated a couple of times.

26:57 Adam Oh, really?

26:58 Drew Yes.

26:59 Guest Wow.

27:00 Adam Yeah. Hm, smart kids.

27:02 Guest I've never met him, but I find that man a amazingly talented guy.

27:06 Drew Genius.

27:07 Adam He's, he's, and as a...

27:08 Guest I love all his work.

27:09 Adam And as, as smart as he is, is as nice as he is.

27:13 Drew Yeah.

27:13 Adam He's really a nice guy. He's like a sort of a sweet unassuming guy.

27:17 Guest That's the news. Seth?

27:18 Yeah.

27:19 Adam What's up?

27:20 Hello. Hey man, um, it's not what's... Not necessarily that I find it unbearable, but um, basically, I'm, I'm a recovering, um, addict, and I started using it at a really early age. And um, since then, um, basically, I have to be defined sex-pleasurable. Like, I love sex, but I just... To find it pleasurable, I pretty much have to be intoxicated.

27:44 Drew What do you mean to find it pleasurable?

27:46 Um, the actual act of it, like being, you know, you know, I've been with, you know, almost like 20 girls, and I've only had sober sex maybe five times.

27:58 Guest Is it a nerd? I'm sorry.

27:59 Drew Are you an opiate addict?

28:01 Uh, yeah. Yeah.

28:02 Drew Yeah. When you're an opiate addict, sometimes that part of the brain that gets saturated with the opiates is what gets activated as part of the joy and the arousal of sex. And if you're not having that pharmacologically massaged, you don't have a very satisfying experience very often. Now, the trick here is to stay sober for at least a year.

28:22 Caller Well, it was before that even. And, um, I mean, yeah, I, I, I used, um, I don't know if I guess I can say this on here. I like heroin for, um, you know, for a while, but almost just sort of numb out a lot of stuff. And, uh-

28:35 Adam All right. Hold on a second. Seth.

28:37 Guest Yeah.

28:38 Adam What are you doing while you're talking to us? Is it rearranging some cassettes or something?

28:43 Guest No, no.

28:43 Caller Actually, I'm sitting in my car. I was, I was just about to pump some gas.

28:48 Adam All right. Well, stop multitasking when you're on a national radio show, please. All right. Now, you sound. All right. Hold on. Let's talk about Seth for a second. Put him on hold. Seth sounds like one of these guys that's uncomfortable in his own skin. I feel most sorry for these people out of all the people in the world. I mean, you see a guy in a wheelchair, you see a guy missing, missing an arm. You see a guy, any kind of handicap. Nothing is as bad as the people that feel like there's a thousand cockroaches inside of their skin. It's like somewhere between just low self-esteem meets, I'm not sure who I am meets, I know no one likes me meets life's confusing, but there's something Seth just strikes me as that, yeah.

29:33 Drew You know what happened.

29:34 Guest Yeah, I actually.

29:35 Drew Go ahead.

29:35 Adam Yeah, I got it.

29:36 Guest I had a question for Drew, actually. This is Michael from Coheed.

29:39 Drew Yeah.

29:40 Guest Don't like opiate addicts. Doesn't that numb you up when you're on opiates?

29:44 Drew Yeah, it does. But it stimulates a part of the brain called the anterior cingulate and also the areas deeper in the brain that are rich in opiate receptors that you really, they're down regulated and can't be sort of activated by normal physiologic mechanisms. And so unless you have that going from that pharmacology, it's hard to feel much of anything. Plus, he clearly was a trauma survivor and so sexuality probably has a million horrible feelings associated with it. And he's not been sober. I'm sure he's not been sober more than about a week in the last five or six years, if you can just hear it.

30:15 Guest Because, I mean, wouldn't you think, like, how long does it take to get those?

30:19 Drew At least a year.

30:20 Adam Seth.

30:21 Guest No kidding.

30:22 Adam Seth, were you traumatized when you were younger?

30:25 Well, yeah, that's one thing.

30:26 Caller Well, also, I'm just kind of nervous being on air.

30:29 That's what a lot of it is.

30:30 Caller All right.

30:31 Caller I'm actually coming up to a year of sobriety. And so basically, due to that, I've been almost celibate for about a year. So that all says a little bit.

30:41 Adam Were you a trauma survivor?

30:43 Caller That's another thing. Since I've been in recovery, some memories are kind of coming back. And I believe I was molested by a babysitter when I was young. But that's one of those things where my brain almost won't let me get to that. It keeps shutting down.

31:03 Drew Why do you sound like you've been using something? You've not been smoking a pot tiller still or something?

31:07 Caller No, no, no. It's kind of late. I'm on the East Coast.

31:10 Drew You're completely sober in the program.

31:12 Adam Drew's on the East Coast too and he sounds like Tony Randall.

31:16 Guest I thought I heard that tone of voice as well.

31:17 Adam You understand?

31:19 Caller Yeah.

31:21 Adam All right. Listen, here's the thing, Seth. To me, the sex is probably the least of your worries at this stage in life. I mean, you need to get your therapy, stay in your program, get your head on straight, get a job to fight to keep it, do all that good crap. And then I think as these other things work out in your life, the sex part should start working out too, especially if you have a good relationship.

31:48 Drew It should. And him not having sex his first year in sobriety is great news. He's not going to allow a relationship to take him out of his sobriety.

31:54 Adam Good news for whoever he'd be crawling on top of, I'll tell you that right now.

31:58 Guest But if I may make a suggestion, don't let the desire for sex lead you to try to sink back in or anything. You know, let it run mellow. It'll get better the longer it goes away.

32:08 Adam Well, that's interesting, Drew, because some people, Michael brings up an interesting point, which is some people go, I can't enjoy this, so I got to get high so I can go live my life.

32:18 Guest Don't do that.

32:19 Drew That's right. All right.

32:22 Adam Let's talk to Candice, who's 19. Candice?

32:27 Yes.

32:28 Adam What's up, baby doll?

32:31 So am I on air now?

32:32 Adam Yep.

32:33 Okay. I've been with a guy for about two and a half years now and here's how you'll know you're on air.

32:39 Adam We'll be talking to you because there's no way we would talk to you if it was off the air. You understand? We're way too big.

32:46 Guest I got a break. I got to go talk to Candice real quick.

32:50 Adam Go ahead, Candy.

32:51 Okay. So I've been with this guy for like two and a half years and he's cheated on me for the ninth time just recently.

33:00 Drew Wait, how long have you been with this guy?

33:01 Two and a half years.

33:02 Drew How old are you?

33:04 I'm 19. I'll be 20 in November.

33:05 Drew It's time to end. Time for it to stop.

33:08 Adam Well, the thing is- It's only a little over three times a year.

33:11 Drew Yeah.

33:13 Adam Quite four times a year.

33:14 Guest It's a lot of holidays.

33:15 Adam Yeah.

33:17 It didn't start until I was pregnant with this kid and that was about a year and a half ago. So it started then and it's been really hard to ditch him or to lose him and I've tried a lot of times to break up with him and get over him and I can't. I don't know what it is and-

33:37 Adam Did you give birth to his child?

33:40 Yeah.

33:40 Adam They did. All right. Are you raising the child?

33:43 Yeah, all by myself. Single, independent woman here.

33:46 Adam Well, wait a minute. How can he cheat on you if he's not around?

33:51 What do you mean?

33:52 Adam Well, you're raising his child by yourself.

33:55 Drew Yeah. He's not in an active relationship with you.

33:59 Well, it's like for a long time, I was living in a little town. He lived up here in Seattle or he used to live here in Seattle, and then I lived like a hundred miles away. We lived together for a year. Then when I became pregnant with him, he stuck around for like three months and they took off, and then he'd come back, leave, come back, leave, and I kept on taking him back because I had his kid, and I had so much love for him or whatever it was I had for him.

34:29 Drew Whatever it was, right.

34:30 Adam Candace, let me just jump in, and I got a plan to give the kid a fighting chance.

34:34 Please.

34:35 Adam Yeah. Take the kid, put him in the child seat, the one that goes in your car?

34:41 Yes.

34:42 Adam Okay. Tie a weather balloon to that seat, and just let them go. Hopefully, he'll hit the gulf stream, and make it as far as Japan, and be raised by a nice Asian family, so the kid can have an education, and some clothes, and a life. No. That would be a much better plan for this child than the one you currently-

35:01 Drew Or she could just turn over to the family of raccoons in the backyard. That would be good.

35:04 Adam Let a friendly family of raccoons raise this child, so we can get an education, and have a shot at something better.

35:11 Is it really that bad?

35:12 Adam Well, I mean, the chaos, and the guy is cheating, and all this. I mean, here's the thing. You shouldn't have a kid when you're 18 years old or 19 years old, but once you do, then you have to start acting like an adult. Yeah. Super flaky guy who's popping in and out of your life, and possibly going to get you pregnant again when he pops in, again, needs to go. You understand? Because now you're mom, and you have to lead by example.

35:38 Caller I don't really understand this, and I mean, I bought my own car, which is good for me and my age and everything. I got myself through high school. I became pregnant when I was a senior in high school. I finished high school. I work two jobs, and I live on my own. I'm trying to be the best mom I can. It's just I can't get over him. I don't know.

36:00 Adam Well, where's your dad?

36:02 How do I get over him?

36:04 Adam Well, where's your horrible father?

36:07 Caller He's in Arizona.

36:09 Drew What happened when he took off?

36:11 Adam When did he split?

36:12 Caller Did he know your mom? Oh, definitely. He was in my life, I was about 11 years old.

36:17 Drew Why did he leave? What happened?

36:19 Caller Drugs. Smoking.

36:21 Drew You can't get over him because you haven't dealt with dad.

36:24 Adam You gotta deal with your dad. Look, you're taking 11 years.

36:28 Caller Oh my god, my dad is the same way. I've gotten along. I get along so well.

36:31 Adam Hold on, Drew, are you writing this down? Finally, we're learning something on this show.

36:35 Drew Shocking.

36:36 Adam After 11 years. Finally, a breakthrough. Okay, baby. You understand how people are? Here's the deal. I gotta give my polar bear speech. Just one more goddamn time to all the idiots who listen to this show or who have friends who could be told about this. People, not that much different than animals. We're really just an animal. It's sad. We're a little smarter than most. Although I think owls are still smarter than we are. But we're just animals and it's easy to figure out how we're going to act by studying just a handful of us. And if you study polar bears, how many do you need to study before you figure out how polar bears act? 50, 100, 10? We understand that concept well. You look at 100 polar bears, you watch them for a year, you know exactly how polar bears act. You know about migration and mating, hibernation. You know everything about polar bears from just studying a handful of them. Teenagers, about the same thing. Humans, same thing. She's got daddy, daddy took drugs, daddy abandoned her, daddy split to Arizona, broke her heart. Now she's with a guy trying to fix what she could never fix with daddy. Meanwhile, she craps out a kid with the flake and the kid picks up the same drama mama does and carries that into her future. So we'll have that to deal with. And don't worry, one kid, oh, she's just 19. Yeah. She's not begun yet. Then her kids haven't begun having kids in their teens too. That's what we have to look forward to as a nation unless somebody wants to A, talk about it and then B, stand up and do something about it. Candice?

38:06 Caller Yes.

38:07 Adam You need to take a stand, sweetie pea.

38:09 Caller What do I do? Do I go and relocate? Do I run away? Yes.

38:12 Drew Whatever. How do I get to the kid?

38:14 Adam Well, look, whatever it takes to get away from this flake.

38:17 Guest I agree. Start over. Start over on that tip.

38:20 Adam Men are not all men are your dad.

38:22 Drew What?

38:24 Adam You understand that your dad, he's not Adam.

38:27 Caller All right. So listen-

38:28 Adam He's not the original man. He's not the prototype for man. You understand? That's what chicks think. All chicks think their dad was Adam, like the prototype for all men, that all men must be dad. Believe me, it ain't that way. There's plenty of guys that are good guys, but you're not going to be attracted to them because they're not dangerous, and they don't remind you of dad.

38:49 Guest Did your dad even grow apples?

38:51 Adam Candice.

38:52 Caller Yes.

38:53 Adam All right, your dad's gone, this guy's gone, you got a kid, you're smart, you're not stupid, you got to get yourself off autopilot.

39:01 Caller So I'm serious, like, for future relationships, what if I run into something like this again?

39:06 Drew She's going to go to women, I just know it.

39:08 Adam Really?

39:09 Drew Yeah.

39:10 Adam You're going to go to women? You ever think about women?

39:14 Caller No way. Yeah, I actually have, honestly.

39:16 Drew Yes, I know you have. I can tell.

39:17 Caller Should I go that way?

39:19 Drew I can just tell. It's where she's headed.

39:20 Adam Man, I wish I was that flexible sexually. I know, right? Dudes, should I go dude?

39:25 Drew I think I'll blow a guy out.

39:26 Guest That's not that easy a question.

39:27 Adam Jimmy, he's a good guy, he's a provider.

39:30 Caller I'll listen to you guys show.

39:32 Adam I'll blow him. I'll do it.

39:33 Caller I'll call you guys and get some advice from you guys. And I've really gotten to the point where I know I need to do something and lose him and move on with my life, but I'm just afraid for the future. I mean, am I going to end up with a future?

39:47 Adam Afraid to have a guy who's not cheating on you probably as kids with other women?

39:51 Drew Right.

39:52 Adam Afraid of losing all that? That's like, I don't want to go to the doctor's because I'm scared I'm going to lose my herpes.

39:59 Caller No, I'm afraid something like, I'm afraid I'm going to get in a relationship like this again where-

40:03 Drew You will.

40:04 Adam You will, but then it'll be a little better, and then the next one will be a little better, and eventually it'll be flushed out of you.

40:10 Caller Yeah. Well, my main concern is my child, right? I want my kid to turn out good.

40:14 Adam Good. Then don't get in any relationships for a little while. Have the relationship with your kid and a therapist.

40:20 Drew Avoid guys that you're really excited about being with. Those are going to be the bad guys. Guys you're really into, faff.

40:26 Adam Yeah. That's why I got laid. I was a bad boy.

40:30 Drew Oh, yeah.

40:31 Guest You guys are deep.

40:32 Adam Yeah. Call me blade. Brillo head blade.

40:38 Drew All right.

40:38 Adam Let's take ourselves a little bit of a break. Coheed and Cambria in studio tonight. Claudio and Michael both here representing the band. And we'll be right back after this.

40:51 The phone number for Loveline is 1-800-LOVE-191.

40:56 Guest Loveline, I'll be right back.

41:28 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew in Washington, DC. Why is Dr. Drew in Washington, DC?

41:36 Drew Because somebody dropped a nickel.

41:38 Adam That's right. Coheed and Cambrian Studio tonight. Claudio and Michael both here. Good Apollo, name of the CD, which, well, it's a little longer than that, but I'll just give you the first two so you can go ahead and go on the Internet and find that, or go to your local whatever and get it. It just came out this Tuesday, right?

41:58 Guest Yeah. A couple of days ago.

42:00 Adam Yeah. It's climbing the charts, baby. Your record label chick was telling me like 100,000 copies and most added and climbing this and that. So congratulations. Cool.

42:12 Guest You just delivered the news to me for the first time.

42:14 Adam That's what she said.

42:15 Guest It's a good deal.

42:17 Adam Drew again in DC, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

42:21 Drew Had a great time speaking at a synagogue tonight, the 6th Street Synagogue.

42:25 Adam All right. Wait, are you actually plugging a synagogue? Yeah.

42:28 Drew Yeah. That's what I'm doing.

42:30 Adam We got to get out there. Got to get out there because it's dealing days. Yeah. Come on down. Ask for Rabbi Schwartz.

42:37 Drew Six and I.

42:38 Adam He'll teach you right. I'll tell you, you drop my name to Rabbi Schwartz, give you 20 percent off of Yamaka. Come on down. Get your Mogan David. All right. You want to talk to Gloria? You want to talk to Mike? Gloria. Well, husband cheated on her. Beth, boyfriend prefers BJs. Beth?

43:00 Caller Yeah. Yeah, I'm 21.

43:03 Adam Well, you sound angry.

43:06 Caller I'm sorry, what?

43:07 Drew Already?

43:07 Adam You sound angry.

43:09 Caller No.

43:10 Caller Okay.

43:11 Caller Well, really what it is, is just we've been together for about a year and a half, for both 21, and it just appears that it's like, I've always had a really big sex drive, like three or seven times a week is kind of what I would prefer, and since that year and a half, I mean, I expect some decline just because everybody tells you about relationships, things slow down a bit and everything. But it feels like if I initiate anything sexual, if I don't give them a blowjob, if he's either disappointed, if I initiate sex instead. It's like, is that something that-

43:51 Adam Well, how does it work though? Does he get the BJ and sex or she just wants the BJ?

43:57 Caller He just wants the BJ.

43:58 Caller It's just like, if I initiate sex one day, I feel like he's disappointed because it wasn't what he wanted.

44:06 Adam Yeah. But is he disappointed or do you just forcing that on him because you got some self-esteem issues?

44:13 Caller No. I mean, because we talk about it and he just tells me he's just not really that interested in sex and he just prefers the BJ.

44:20 Drew Adam, this is your kind of guy.

44:22 Adam Yeah. You know, separated at birth. I like a BJ, so shoot me.

44:27 Guest You know what I'm saying?

44:29 Caller Can it occur? I mean, obviously it can happen, but it's just like, I mean, do you think it's something with me or, you know?

44:35 Adam No, you know what? Let's try to figure this out. First off, some guys like BJs more than others, and other guys ain't into it. Like, Drew, not a BJ man.

44:48 Drew No.

44:49 Adam No, he does not want a BJ. He loves to give them, but he does not want to receive, okay? I guess he's a bottom, what you'd call a bottom, quite honestly. Now, Drew is a man of passion, and to Drew, there's no substitute for coitus.

45:13 Drew That's my motto, strangely enough.

45:15 Adam There is no substitute for coitus.

45:17 Guest Zero substitute.

45:18 Adam Zero substitute for coitus. For me, there's no substitute for BJs, okay? But that's what makes us different, God bless us both. But I just wonder if this guy is, and women, I think, mistake it for the guy not being that into them. When it's really, he's really into BJs.

45:42 Drew He's optimal, yes. Yeah, he's into her doing that.

45:46 Adam Right.

45:46 Guest Sounds like he's a taker and she's a taker.

45:48 Adam Yeah.

45:49 Guest Like sexually, you know?

45:50 Adam Right. So are you willing to do this for him?

45:53 Caller Oh, yeah, and I do. But it's like, he almost expects it as much as I would expect to have sex.

45:59 Drew Why can't you do that? Why can't you guys sort of do that? Work out the math.

46:03 Caller Because what it comes down to is if I do that, then I don't get sex ever.

46:08 Drew Well, why don't you have the sex first? Do the sex first.

46:11 Adam Have the sex first and then finish him off.

46:15 Guest Make him go down on you 13 times a week.

46:16 Drew There you go. You hold all the cards, my dear.

46:19 Guest Absolutely.

46:20 Caller It's all about him, I feel like.

46:22 Drew Well, you have all the goods. All you got to say is that we're doing nothing then.

46:26 Caller Well, and I did that and I feel like now he's just, and it's like he doesn't even bother him.

46:31 Adam All right. Let me suggest this. You guys have been together for a year and a half? You're 21?

46:37 Caller Yes.

46:38 Adam Maybe it's time to call the day. Yeah. I mean, when you're 21 and you've been together since you're 18 or 19, and it just feels like your sex becomes like you're at a Turkish bazaar. If it's old, it's only a haggle with you over a BJ. Come on. If you have five kids and you both started a business together, that's maybe you get a little therapy and you work it out. But you're 21, maybe this guy is not compatible with you, you sound angry at him.

47:08 Drew Right.

47:09 Adam He wasted a year and a half. Maybe you move on.

47:12 Drew Okay. Yes.

47:14 Adam All right. You get hooked up with the guys in the anal. Then you know how it feels and then you'll beg for the BJ guys. That's what I got to say to all you broads who make fun of the BJ guys. Way to get the anal king. Then you'll be dying to come back to the Ace man. Begging to give me a BJ. You won't even be able to beg because I'll be in your mouth. All right, Drew.

47:34 Drew Take a break.

47:35 Adam All right. We'll be back after this.

48:29 There, buddy. It's Loveline. Nice.

48:32 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew in Washington, DC.

48:36 Drew That's right.

48:39 Adam Now, I just want to say it every time.

48:41 Drew Because somebody dropped a nickel.

48:42 Adam That's right. Co-heating Cambria in studio tonight, Claudio and Michael in here. Ladies and gentlemen. Good Apollo name of the CD. It keeps going, but that's enough for you to find it. Dot, dot, dot. I was just an engineer. Michelle was just showing me a story about a tragic story about a boxer who died in the ring on Saturday night or died from injury sustained in the ring. But they did that thing they always do, which always thinks of bad ideas in the story. They always do that part where they go, he died doing what he loved, which to me is no consolation. Right. I like beating off, but if I die beating off, I'm not going to be happy about it.

49:25 Caller There's my family.

49:26 Adam They always do that. I don't think he liked it when he was being killed by it. That's my take.

49:30 Drew I agree.

49:31 Guest He loved grilled cheese, but he choked on it.

49:33 Adam Yeah.

49:34 Guest So he was happy.

49:35 Adam Yeah. It's like, he loved to parachute, but when that chute didn't open, I bet he hated parachuting for the last couple of thousand feet. He died doing what he loved.

49:45 Guest His last thought, I'm never parachuting again.

49:48 Adam This sucks. Whenever you're killed by whatever you love most, is your last thought is, this blows. I don't love this anymore. It's not even my top 10 list of things I love. You know, like if you love camping, but you're being eaten by a bear, you don't think about how much you love camping. And it's no consolation that you died. It's worse. You should die doing something you hate.

50:11 Drew Yeah.

50:12 Adam You know what I mean?

50:12 Drew Yeah.

50:13 Adam Like I-

50:14 Guest So just follow through, you know?

50:16 Adam Yeah. That's what I hope. I was like, Adam hates work and that's where he died. You know what I'm saying?

50:23 Guest And it all came together.

50:23 Adam It all came together. He actually was good that he died earlier in the day, so he didn't have to stay till the end. All right. Shall we keep moving forward, Drew?

50:32 Drew Yes, please.

50:33 Adam I'm hearing an echo. Is that your cans?

50:35 Drew I don't think so. I don't think so.

50:37 All right.

50:38 Adam Cans are what we call headphones in the business. Makes people think you know what you're doing.

50:42 Guest And they're as big as cans.

50:43 Adam Bouncy, Bouncy. Got a question for the band. Got a Smokespot question. Musical influences. Let me try that with the band. Griffin?

50:55 Hi. Seventeen.

50:59 Adam Seventeen. All right. It says thirteen.

51:01 Go ahead. Yeah, I had a question for the band. I just want to know like what musical influences were for you guys and like how you guys got started.

51:14 Guest Musical influences. Primarily a lot of classic rock like Led Zeppelin, The Police, Pink Floyd, things like that. How we got started as any other band would get started. We all kind of knew each other in the scene and just kind of took it from there. Oh, into the mic. There you go.

51:32 Adam Oh, he's in that mic. The mic's in him.

51:36 Guest Yeah, so that's pretty much it.

51:37 Adam Did people go to the same school and stuff like that?

51:40 Guest None of us actually went to the same school, pretty much. Just kind of growing up playing music in the same area. Being all having similar influences, like all kind of... I wanted to play music because of like Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd that like our parents or brothers and sisters had us listen to.

51:54 Guest Right.

51:54 Guest So those, you know, the influences like between the four of us are all the same, like Thin Lizzy Queen, Led Zeppelin, Police.

52:01 Adam Really?

52:02 Guest The greats, you know?

52:03 Adam Yeah.

52:04 Guest Stephen King.

52:05 Yeah.

52:06 Adam I'll tell you, I had that Black Rose CD from Thin Lizzy back in the day.

52:11 Guest Good stuff.

52:12 Yeah.

52:13 Adam Thin Lizzy is good. Hey Griffin. Griffin. Oh, did I put them on hold? Man, I'm tired tonight. Griffin?

52:21 Yeah.

52:22 Adam What's up, brother?

52:23 All right.

52:23 Adam Thin Lizzy, Led Zeppelin, the Police, all bands you've never heard of.

52:30 Oh, I listen to them.

52:33 Adam Name one Thin Lizzy song, and if you yell Jailbreak, I will grab my heart and fall onto the ground.

52:39 Go ahead. I don't know any, but...

52:43 Adam All right. Come on.

52:44 Guest Boys are back in town. Yeah, Boys are back in town. It's a big one.

52:47 I was at the Avalon show. You might remember me. I came in backstage with you guys and I showed you my tattoo.

52:53 Guest Oh, yes. Is it on your neck? Is that you? Or is that a... I'm mistaken. Is it Dragonfly one?

52:59 No, I had the keywords on the back of my arm.

53:03 Guest Oh, my apologies.

53:06 All right.

53:07 Guest But I remember the Avalon show and I remember, like, I've seen a book. Thanks. Good.

53:12 Guest I don't know what the question is about, but you got a few words.

53:14 Adam Let me tell you something about being in a rock band. You don't remember the dudes who come backstage. You don't even want dudes backstage. You don't even want yourself backstage.

53:22 Guest No, no, no. I didn't like that, man. Come on, man. There wouldn't be a backstage if it wasn't for the dude. I don't know this guy.

53:27 Adam Most bands are so stringent about guys being backstage. They don't even let members of their own band go backstage. That's how I would be in a band.

53:35 Guest Yeah, maybe we met in the restroom and you showed me that tattoo. I'm not allowed backstage anymore.

53:38 Adam You know the policy, no dudes backstage, but I drum. I don't... Everyone's got an excuse. Let's just keep movin. All right, let's talk to...

53:50 Guest Cool, man. Well, thank you for your support and everything.

53:54 Adam 17-year-olds, I don't know. I don't want to seem like Pops Corolla here, but I feel like you ought to be 18 before you get that tat. I just feel like it's something that's going to be with you for a while.

54:05 Guest Yeah, I have some terrible ones myself.

54:07 Adam Did you get them before 18?

54:08 Guest Like when I was 15 and stuff.

54:10 Adam Oh, really?

54:10 Guest Yeah. Oh, sure. Which I don't mind now. I signed up for it and whatever.

54:15 Adam Yeah, but here's the thing. If you really think about the stuff you're into when you're 15, whether it was the cars, whether it was the chicks, whether it was whatever you're into, whatever you thought was really mega cool at 15, you laugh about now. That's why you cringe when you open your yearbook in high school. But the tat is like a yearbook that you wear constantly for the rest of your life.

54:36 Guest Yeah, but that's like a notch in the journal. I have some stuff that I detest and I shun from showing people as often as possible. But it's there for a reason. I got it when I was 15. I was like, yeah, you know I was 15. That's why I have this. So that's a little notch on the tree.

54:51 Adam You're a bolder man than I. To me, it's like having the same crappy haircut you had when you were 15, just because you had it.

54:58 Guest But you can change that. Here's my theory on tattooing.

55:01 Adam Yeah, you can change that.

55:02 Guest However many years ago, you couldn't really get them removed without whatever, Brillo and stuff.

55:07 Adam Right.

55:07 Guest And now, a couple of years ago, then tons of laser surgery. I predict when I'm absolutely can't stand it anymore, maybe 25 bucks, just get that zapped off in 2030 or whatever.

55:18 Adam Try 2,500. But what did you get? Because you got to go nine times. I know all about it.

55:24 Guest What did I get? I got just some small pieces from an artist in Kingston, New York, like a little solid black dragon and stuff, when I was 15.

55:32 Adam But it's not like the Fonz holding two thumbs up and saying, hey, or anything.

55:36 Guest It's not like an Alice in Chains tattoo or anything.

55:39 Adam All right. So it's nothing too bad. All right.

55:42 Guest Well, that would have been good. All right. In retrospect, I digress.

55:45 Caller All right.

55:45 Adam Let's keep on keeping on and speak to Gloria, who's 21. Gloria?

55:52 Caller Yeah.

55:53 Adam Got that little little girl voice. What's up?

56:00 Caller Well, about seven months ago, back in February, I was a few months pregnant.

56:05 Adam Hold on. Hold on. Did you get molested?

56:08 Caller No. No. I've had a pretty normal life.

56:12 Drew How old are you again now? How old are you? You're pregnant already?

56:17 Caller I've been married for a year. I had a really normal family. My father was there and he was great. But I got married in August of last year. And then in February, I was a few months pregnant. And shortly, mid-February, I found out that my husband was still involved with his ex-girlfriend Roxanna. And as if that wasn't bad enough, I found out maybe two or three days later after I miscarried. And I found out the two days that I was in the hospital, he was with her or calling her when I needed him the most. So naturally, my trust, I mean...

57:02 Adam Where did you think he was? Or where did he say he was when you were in the hospital?

57:06 Caller He went home because I was going to have surgery. He said that he needed to go home to shower because he can't sleep when he's sticky. And I know that's true. He showers like four times a day. But I begged him to stay that night.

57:20 Drew Already Adam doesn't trust him.

57:22 Caller I begged him to stay that night. I begged him. I told him I needed him.

57:27 Adam All right. Well, why did you marry this idiot?

57:30 Caller Because he was perfect.

57:31 Drew No, he's not perfect. Oh, please.

57:33 Guest You're married still then?

57:34 Adam Perfect.

57:37 Caller Well, I mean, naturally after that, I mean, if Adam doesn't trust him already, naturally my trust was shattered completely. So because of my inability to trust.

57:47 Adam Hold on a second. Look, something's got to be going on with old Gloria growing up.

57:54 Drew Yes.

57:54 Adam There's something happening.

57:55 Drew Just the drama, just the need for the drama. Someone that should get married to an a-hole so young and demand that, that's wrong. It's escapism.

58:03 Adam All right. Let's get our pickaxe and mining helmet out, do a little dig in and see what we can get at. Gloria, your biological father was the one you grew up with?

58:15 Caller Yeah. I've tried to blame people here at home and it hasn't worked.

58:21 Adam Well, that's what I do.

58:22 Caller But I mean, no, it's just we've had a lot of problems because I haven't been able to trust them. You know, we fight, we make up.

58:29 Adam All right, hold on, hold on. Did your dad cheat on your mom?

58:34 Caller Yeah.

58:35 Drew Okay. It wasn't a perfect child. It makes me so angry at people.

58:39 Adam They were getting somewhere.

58:39 Drew Yeah, of course. That's what you married. You married your dad. There you go. Once again.

58:44 Caller I told him that one. But because I haven't been able to trust him, our fights have escalated to a point where he asked me for a divorce today.

58:58 Adam I'll tell you, Gloria, I know you're going through a hard time, but there's just so much pain and drama in your voice.

59:08 Caller I'm heartbroken.

59:09 Adam I understand that.

59:11 Drew Well, it's a throwback to PTSD from your dad.

59:15 Adam What is that? You're screwing around?

59:19 Drew No, it's Anderson.

59:19 Caller I mean, we haven't like-

59:20 Adam Oh, Anderson, would you stop that? This poor girl's on the brink of suicide.

59:24 Guest That's awful.

59:26 Adam Suss off, man.

59:27 Guest Come on, man.

59:28 Adam Anderson, I know you're high, but please understand that's inappropriate.

59:31 Guest She chuckled, so maybe it's an-

59:32 Caller It made her laugh, yeah.

59:34 Guest Yeah, exactly.

59:35 Adam It'll be the last sound that comes out of her mouth.

59:38 Guest In fact, do it again. Oh, man.

59:44 Adam Christ, man. Now I actually think you could do time. This is at least manslaughter. Gloria. Yeah. Look, here's- Let me just give you the broad strokes. Your family was not perfect. Your dad cheated on your mom probably more than once. You probably heard all the chaos and all the fighting. There was probably some booze or some drugs involved, I'm guessing, too. You hooked up with a bad man, and let me tell you something about this guy you hooked up with. I don't know how old he is. I'm guessing he's around your age, 21, 22?

1:00:20 Caller He's 25.

1:00:21 Adam 25. All right. He is still 10 years away from being right, if he's ever going to be right.

1:00:27 Drew If, if.

1:00:28 Adam That's a big if. That's if he either finds Jesus Christ or smartens up and sees a therapist. I'm going with the Jesus Christ route for now.

1:00:37 Caller He doesn't believe in Jesus.

1:00:38 Drew We know.

1:00:39 Adam I know, but wait till he goes into the joint for the third time, then he'll find Jesus, because that's where he resides.

1:00:46 Caller I've suggested marriage counseling. In fact, I've been hinting around it forever, because I've told him that I can't learn to trust him on my own. And he says that even counseling ain't going to fix anything. And then he sends me text messages saying, I love you and I miss you, but that's course of the way they never want to see you again. How do you say that in the same sentence?

1:01:06 Adam But Gloria, the guy's a sociopath and you're a victim, and you're going to have the same relationship that your poor mom had with your cheating dad. Okay? Your dad's an idiot, and now you're attracted idiots. We already went through this in the show in the first hour. Let's just move on, baby. You're 21. The guy's a serial cheater. He cheated while you were in the hospital. That's enough.

1:01:31 Drew That's horrible.

1:01:32 Adam Move forward.

1:01:33 Drew Yeah.

1:01:33 Adam And no more pregnancies.

1:01:36 Caller Okay.

1:01:36 Adam All right?

1:01:37 Caller Okay.

1:01:37 Adam All right. There you go. Look, everybody, I'm not so sure which plan is for your life, but the whole autopilot thing, I'm just going to live the same crappy life my parents led, doesn't seem like a great plan to me.

1:01:51 Drew Yeah.

1:01:52 Adam Your plan should be to not make any of the mistakes your stupid parents made. Right. Here's what you do. You look at them, look at it like a gin-rummy hand. You want to discard the bad cards and get more good cards. If your parents did a handful of things right, go ahead and take that momentum and learn from it. If they did a few things wrong, learn from that. Don't repeat it, learn from it.

1:02:18 Guest And learn to recognize it.

1:02:19 Adam Yeah. Learn to recognize.

1:02:23 Guest Biatch.

1:02:24 Adam Biatch. I'll tell you, I'm getting preachy tonight. I need a guy. I need a couple of black dudes standing behind me when I'm done. Just yell, recognize.

1:02:31 Caller Biatch.

1:02:33 Adam Wearing those goofy hats, you know? Bow ties. Horn room glasses. Give me your mother f'n shoes.

1:02:39 Caller Give me your shoes.

1:02:42 Adam That's a little scene from Scared Straight, circa 1977. All right. Where are we going now? Let's see. Nine-year-old kid.

1:02:51 Caller Ooh. Wow.

1:02:52 Adam Mike's been on hold for 90 minutes. So for that reason alone, holy, he's our next caller. I know. Imagine listening to me for 90 minutes. Mike?

1:03:01 Caller Yeah.

1:03:02 Adam 29. Go ahead, brother.

1:03:04 Caller Actually, I'm not. I'm 38 and I'm a UPS driver. I just made up that question so I could talk to you real quick.

1:03:09 Caller Can we hang up on these bastards, please?

1:03:11 Adam Well, hold on a second. Now, here's the thing.

1:03:13 Guest Clever ploy.

1:03:15 Adam It was clever except for the part where you waited 90 minutes. It was a wonderful, wonderful plan except for the part where you're on hold for one and a half hours.

1:03:25 Guest And then you announce it.

1:03:26 Adam Well, then you announce it. But Anderson, please, relax.

1:03:28 Guest It just encourages more jackoffs to call them.

1:03:31 Adam But I don't care. I want to talk to Mike. Mike?

1:03:35 Caller Yeah.

1:03:36 Adam What can Ace do for you?

1:03:39 Caller Well, I just called to let you know that I drive for UPS at night. And from 10 to midnight, I love my job anyway, but from 10 to midnight, it's just that much better listening to you guys. And it just makes... Yeah.

1:03:52 Adam Speaking of brown, how about the brown nosing? Yeah.

1:03:55 Caller Yeah.

1:03:56 Adam This is Anderson's worst nightmare come to life, by the way.

1:04:00 His nose is hairy so far up your ass.

1:04:01 Adam A guy with a bogus call who actually likes the show. Anderson, you must be beside yourself. There's two things Anderson hates. It's bogus callers and this show. Those are the two things he hates most in life. And so for a bogus caller to praise this show, that is a one-two punch to the gut.

1:04:19 Guest I think Mike just hung up and I swear to God I didn't do it.

1:04:22 Adam All right, Mike. All right, well, the man's got it. The man has a route to make. Let me say this about UPS too. UPS is a great example of how this country is supposed to work and why communism doesn't work. Because you see those UPS drivers, you realize they don't get paid by the hour. They get paid by the parcel. They're on the move. I see those dudes, they got that big brown panel truck thrown in reverse. They're going 80 down an alley. Sparks coming out of the side of the thing. While the van is still rolling, the guy goes flying out of it. Five, eight panels, like a pack mule with those parcels. Running upstairs. They have to wear shorts because they run their ass off all day long. And even the chicks you see working for UPS, those guys that are doing, those guys that are making the rounds, they have a certain amount of packages delivered. They get paid based. I mean, I'm sure they get a base salary, but they also get paid on performance, and those dudes are running. I mean, when is the last time you saw a UPS guy just chewing the ass? Just leaning on a corner in those brown shorts, talking some chick up, eh, smoking, not doing anything, van parked. No, you see them running in and out. They run so much, they can't even put doors on the van. That's how, they don't have time to open the door and close it. They have to dive and shoulder roll out of the van and let it coast into oncoming traffic. That's what they do. Because they get paid based on their performance. Now go to communist country. See how that works out.

1:05:57 Guest Here's an e.

1:05:57 Adam And see how UPS would work out if they said look, it doesn't matter whether you deliver two packages or 800 a day, you're still getting paid the same amount.

1:06:06 Guest They'll get it when they get it.

1:06:08 Adam Yeah. Guess how many packages get delivered. And that is the day you stop seeing those guys running. That's the day you see him trying to talk up this receptionist and get laid at the office. That's when you see him blowing a butt. That's when you see him sitting, listening to this show in the van. That's when you see it. That's all you need to know about communism versus capitalism, everybody. UPS, busting ass. Mailmen, the mail department delivers parcels. You ever see them running? You ever see them hustling? No, you don't see them moving. Why? They're getting paid the same.

1:06:42 Guest I, for one, have not seen them running ever.

1:06:45 Adam That's right. They don't get paid by the parcel. All right.

1:06:50 Guest Perhaps my favorite tangent so far.

1:06:51 Adam Yeah. Where's my black posse?

1:06:53 Guest I don't know, man. Can I come around there with a mic?

1:06:56 Drew Pick me up.

1:06:57 Adam Come on.

1:06:57 Drew Come on.

1:06:58 Adam Yeah.

1:06:58 Guest Yeah.

1:07:00 Adam We're going to take ourselves a little break. Dr. Drew in Washington, DC tonight. Let me give a quick plug because, Drew, God knows I deserve a plug. I've been busting my ass tonight.

1:07:10 Drew It's too late with Adam Corolla. How about that?

1:07:12 Adam Alec Baldwin on Tonight at Midnight Comedy Central. Let me tell you something about Baldwin.

1:07:18 Drew He gets into it.

1:07:18 Do you own a ranch in Ojai?

1:07:20 Drew Rangey.

1:07:21 Adam Rangey, boy. But we don't scratch beneath just the fine veneer of Alec Baldwin. We trench deep into Alec Baldwin. He blew two snot rockets on the show intentionally. Two and threatened me with a third.

1:07:37 Guest And caught them both behind his back.

1:07:39 Adam I ain't kidding you. He actually did a snot rocket. He went off on his brothers. Alec Baldwin tonight on Too Late Midnight Comedy Central. Take a quick break. Be right back with Coheed and Cambria after this.

1:07:56 Caller Call Loveline.

1:07:57 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:08:25 Adam Hey, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Coheed and Cambria. In tonight, Claudio and Michael joining us from the band. Good Apollo, name the CD. Out as we speak. Drew.

1:08:43 Drew Yeah.

1:08:43 Adam You know what? You missed the San Gennaro, the kickoff of the San Gennaro feast tonight.

1:08:48 Drew How was it?

1:08:50 Adam It was good, you know? Lots of talkative IDs. Although, I'm such an idiot. I was there and they were doing the whole press thing. I just saw it on the TV behind us here. They did a thing on the news that reminded me of it. But I got there early to do the whole press thing and talk about the San Gennaro feast and they had a couple celebrities and a couple of Italian celebrities and that kind of thing. And I spotted it. So it was this thing where the money's going to charity and we want to thank Ralph's for sponsoring us and the local this and the money's going to the food bank and this and that. And city representative, Tom LaBonge is here. Come on up, Tom. And I thought, oh Christ, I gotta get this guy and start talking to him about the goddamn traffic situation in this town because I'm gonna give this guy an F and earful.

1:09:36 Drew Oh my God.

1:09:36 Adam I gotta talk to this idiot. He doesn't synchronize any lights. This is awesome. Stupid red arrows.

1:09:42 Drew Did you talk to him?

1:09:43 Adam No, the problem is I'm up there smiling and taking pictures for everyone and then Tom, then he slinks off and he's talking in the corner and I'm up there doing interviews and I'm thinking, don't go, I gotta talk. And then he disappears into the crowd and never comes back.

1:09:57 Drew Damn.

1:09:58 Guest The shadow knows.

1:09:59 Adam I know, I know. You know, the thing about politicians is they keep, they do two things. A, they keep moving. They're like sharks. They gotta keep moving forward because the second they stop, they're gonna have a whole bunch of pissed off citizens around them. Maybe like an angry mob. And the second thing they do is they use your name over and over and over again. It's one of those things they teach in BS school that makes people think, you know, like look people in the eye and use their name over and over again, except for the last time I talked to Tom Labonge, he thought my name was Alan. So it doesn't work when you don't use the guy's right name over and over again. Alan, I hear what you say. You know, Alan, I'll tell you what, Alan, I'll tell you what I'm going to do right now, Alan. Alan, I'll tell you, I'll make you this promise, Alan. I, Alan, oh wait, your name's Alan. I'm going to talk to one of my representatives, Alan, who's going to focus, Alan, right on this, Alan. Okay, Alan, and I was going nuts because you're screwing my name up, but doing that BS politician thing. This is when I spoke to him on the phone, wanting to speak to the folks at the traffic department. That's my drug-induced fantasy that I get to get up in front of all the people who are in charge of traffic in this city and start screaming at them until I'm dragged off the stage by security. Yeah. Drew, you can come with me, by the way.

1:11:17 Drew Oh, I'm coming.

1:11:18 Adam I might need a note from you saying I'm clinically insane so I can get out of prison.

1:11:22 Drew Well, they'll figure that out.

1:11:24 Adam All right. So we should hear a song too. I'll tell you what, let's take a call and then we'll hear a song.

1:11:30 Drew Yes? All right. Perfect.

1:11:31 Adam All right. Let's see. BJ question. Smokes pot daily. This could be fun. James?

1:11:44 Hey, what's up?

1:11:45 Adam 22?

1:11:46 How are you doing? Good.

1:11:48 Adam What's up?

1:11:49 Nothing. Actually, I worked on two of Coheed and Cambria's last videos, Welcome Home and The Suffering. I just wanted to say that you guys are pretty awesome.

1:11:57 Guest Cool. How's it going, dude?

1:11:59 Pretty good. I did a majority of the visual effects on the two videos.

1:12:04 Guest Very cool, man.

1:12:05 Yeah, it's a fun time.

1:12:08 Guest Crazy meeting you in a place like this.

1:12:11 Adam Well, let's call it from my hometown, North Hollywood.

1:12:15 Yeah.

1:12:15 Adam Where are you living, James?

1:12:17 I live just off of Coldwater on Archwood.

1:12:21 Adam That's a good part of North Hollywood.

1:12:23 I mean, I don't really go outside, so.

1:12:25 Adam Yeah, smart. Well, it's all relative. Yeah, go ahead. I think that's in La Bange's district. I'm going to talk to him.

1:12:32 Well, I just got back from work.

1:12:33 Adam You got a question? Yeah.

1:12:35 Yeah, I was having a dispute with my co-workers regarding pot usage and what it takes to be considered a pothead.

1:12:43 Drew A marijuana addict. A marijuana addiction is always the same in every situation. It's somebody who smokes pot a couple of times and it primes the effect. And finally, around the third or fourth time, you have this amazing experience where you just fall in love with the drug, you have this amazing euphoria, and you use it every day from then on. And over the course of years, the effect starts to wear off, you start getting anxious and depressed, start smoking more to compensate for that, and then you fall into rather serious depression typically. At that point, people switch to something else. But it's an addiction that's extremely difficult to treat. It's very clearly an opioid effect in some people and others, not at all. But to those people that get that, oh my god, it becomes a profound addiction that's very hard to treat.

1:13:24 Guest Why are you looking at me like that, Claudio?

1:13:26 Adam Yeah. Here's the thing too, if you do special effects for videos, you probably have a problem with weed.

1:13:35 Caller Well, yeah, I mean-

1:13:36 Adam I'm no doctor, but I've been around.

1:13:38 Caller Those videos were fueled by marijuana and a lot of it. All right.

1:13:42 Adam Well, look, here's James. Yeah. I don't know how much pot you smoke, but I'm not uptight. I actually at the San Gennaro Feast had some guy from the pot advocacy board come up and approach me, weird guy with crazy eyes, and look at me as a hero of his for explaining, I should think pot should be legal and you should let people make their own informed decisions about it. But here's the thing, for some people, pot is a problem. There's no doubt about that. And why am I hearing myself echo? Drew, is that your headphones or is that my headphones? What is that?

1:14:22 Guest Is that your enlightenment setting in?

1:14:24 Adam Maybe it is. Maybe it's my inner child or something.

1:14:28 Guest Finally crossed over.

1:14:30 Adam Congratulations, dude. People get into that thing where it's like, well, it's not physically addicting, but it could be, it doesn't matter. For some people, they're into it and it screws with their life.

1:14:41 Drew When you are addicted, there's no such thing as psychologically addicted. When you are addicted, that means you can't stop despite consequences. We know that that means there's a disorder in a part of your brain called the medial floor brain bundle. The part that sets priorities becomes distorted by the drug. That's addiction. That's biology. You can't stop. You can't. That's it. It's not a psychological process. You can't stop or you can't. That's it.

1:15:04 Adam Better though to be better to smoke or be addicted to weed than be addicted to crank. But addiction is addiction is what Drew is saying.

1:15:13 Drew That's right.

1:15:13 Guest But then Drew just say that it do you think that it really actually like leads up to is a gateway drug to other things?

1:15:21 Drew No it's not a gateway drug. I've never met a marijuana addict that wouldn't stay with pot if it would just keep on working but it eventually doesn't work and that's when you start to panic and anxiety.

1:15:29 Adam That's 20 years for a lot of people.

1:15:32 Guest I smoked pot for like 10 years myself.

1:15:34 Drew Some people it's one years but some people it's 30 years and when it stops working that's like anything with addiction. It's when the house of cards falls that's when it becomes a problem.

1:15:44 Adam All right.

1:15:45 Guest What happened to me is that all of a sudden every time I would, I stopped smoking pot and then since then every time I smoke it I get really nervous and go hide in the corner. I get the Jungle City twitch.

1:15:55 Drew Right. That's what happens to everybody that smokes a lot of pot. You eventually get the panic and the depression and all that stuff.

1:16:01 Guest We don't know why that happens.

1:16:03 Adam That's good. We don't smoke anymore.

1:16:05 Guest No, not for like four or five years or something.

1:16:07 Adam Is that just heroin?

1:16:08 Guest Yeah, just only like a Whippets.

1:16:11 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:16:12 Guest And Crystal Meth. No, I'm just kidding.

1:16:17 Drew Meth is the most common thing. Meth usually becomes the drug of choice after pot.

1:16:21 Guest That was a joke. I don't.

1:16:22 Drew No, I'm just saying it does because it corrects the depression that the pot causes.

1:16:27 Guest Really? Is that like a basic go-to after pot?

1:16:32 Drew It's the most common go-to because it corrects all the problems that the marijuana causes. I mean, when you're searching around smoking more pots to try to get the effect back and you keep getting panicky and anxious and depressed, you start looking for other solutions and amphetamines corrects everything. So people think, oh, there we go. Let's keep going. Jesus.

1:16:49 Adam I don't understand why I was, I guess, reading some article a couple weeks back about how much money the current administration is putting into weed as opposed to meth. And they're putting more into weed or prevention or stomping or whatever than they are of meth. And I really, you know, I really, someone needs to sit sort of the man. And when I mean man, I mean white guys in their fifties and sixties who are Republican, and really explain to them the difference between the different drugs. Because to them, you're either on drugs or you're not. And that's it.

1:17:23 Drew No, I think Mr. Bush knows the difference. I think he does.

1:17:28 Adam Well, if you look at his policies, he doesn't seem to know the difference between pot and meth, because he put more money into pot than he is into meth. And anyone who comes into contact, let's just put it this way. You do not want to live in a society where more people are high on meth than are on pot.

1:17:45 Drew Yes, yes. Agreed.

1:17:47 Guest I don't know, that could be kind of cool.

1:17:48 Drew No, no. No, no.

1:17:50 Adam Be real cool, that bunch of guys breaking into your house at four in the morning.

1:17:53 Guest For like a weekend, you know?

1:17:54 Drew No, no.

1:17:54 Guest I could take some pictures and-

1:17:56 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:17:56 Adam You could walk so far.

1:17:57 Guest Obviously, I'm joking.

1:17:58 Adam From a helicopter, you would take those pictures. All I'm saying is, I would rather have, let's put it this way, Drew.

1:18:05 Drew Yeah.

1:18:07 Adam I would rather have 50% of the populace smoke marijuana on a regular basis every day than 5% have a problem with meth.

1:18:22 Guest I concur.

1:18:23 Adam What do you think of those numbers, Drew?

1:18:24 Drew I'm...

1:18:25 Adam Think about homicides, brother.

1:18:27 Drew Yeah, yeah. Well, the speed problem is so huge now already that we're getting in there. We're probably at 1%.

1:18:34 Adam I'm just saying 5% of the population, which would be, I don't know, several million people high on meth. I mean, 15 million people high on meth.

1:18:48 Drew You got me.

1:18:49 Adam Yeah. I'd rather have everyone just smoking weed.

1:18:52 Drew All right.

1:18:52 Adam And so would Frito Lay.

1:18:55 Drew Oh, that's who you work for now.

1:18:56 Adam You would still work for. I would buy stock.

1:18:59 Drew Of course you would.

1:19:00 Adam If I had this tip, if I knew this was coming, I would just buy, I would buy, sell everything and dump everything, all those tech stocks. Go get Frito Lay and let's go. Whoever makes bugles and Funyuns, go get it. I'll be rich. All right. Let's hear a song, shall we? What song are we going to play next? Oh, it's written down. Here we are. Yeah. This one's called The Suffering.

1:23:35 Caller Yeah.

1:23:36 Adam Thank God somebody is making that music. Coheed and Cambria. Cheers. Hey, you just don't hear it around. And if you do hear it, you got to go listen to a classic rock station or something. Right. Kind of refreshing, kind of nice. You flatter us. And now I'm impressed. And I think certain bands play a certain attitude or style of music just because it's easier. Like, well, we don't have to do that much. We don't have to sing that well. We don't have to play that well. But if we have a ton of attitude and seem kind of PO'd when we're out here, then people leave us alone and think we're artists. But this stuff's ambitious. Yeah. Drew?

1:24:21 Drew Yeah.

1:24:22 Adam Yeah. How about you get a little band ass?

1:24:24 Drew I'm listening. I'm in. I'm in.

1:24:26 Adam OK, buddy.

1:24:27 Guest All right.

1:24:27 Adam You took a leak during the song. Don't give me that crap.

1:24:29 Guest No, no.

1:24:30 Drew I'm still listening. I like to listen. Give me a CD, please.

1:24:33 Adam No, I'm taking it. No. No. News you lose. All right. Well, yeah, we'll get an extra CD for Drew.

1:24:40 Drew Thank you.

1:24:41 Adam We'll be waiting for you here on Sunday. Of course. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this. Yeah, everybody. Coheed and Cambrian in the studio tonight.

1:25:27 Guest Hi, there.

1:25:28 Adam What is happening?

1:25:30 Guest Who is this?

1:25:30 Adam Is this new, uh...

1:25:32 Caller The White Stripes. Oh, White Stripes?

1:25:34 All right.

1:25:36 Guest This video is amazing.

1:25:38 Adam I haven't seen it yet.

1:25:39 Guest Oh, that's awesome. Not even gonna try to get to describing it, but...

1:25:42 Adam I'll just turn on MTV2 when I get home and check it out. I bet you shall. Let's, uh, let's see. Let's talk to Amy. Oh, wait a minute. Big boobs. Hold on a second.

1:25:55 Drew Oh, boy. Here you go.

1:25:56 Adam Courtney?

1:25:57 Caller Bouncy, bouncy.

1:26:00 Caller What?

1:26:00 Adam 17?

1:26:01 Caller Yeah.

1:26:02 Caller I don't have big boobs.

1:26:03 Adam Oh, okay. Well, we'll keep moving. Well, just hang on. She's only been on hold for 34 minutes.

1:26:11 Drew What does it say up there? How did you read big boobs?

1:26:13 Adam Get sick to her stomach when her boyfriend sucks on her boobs. I guess I saw boobs in stomach or something. I thought they're big. I'm not a big reader, Drew. I believe it poisons the mind.

1:26:26 Drew I never noticed that about you.

1:26:28 Adam What's that place called where they hold the books and then they let you borrow them again?

1:26:32 Drew The bookstore?

1:26:33 Adam No, this is the place that lets you borrow them. The library.

1:26:36 Drew The library.

1:26:37 Adam Hold on. What was that?

1:26:38 Guest The library. That'd be the library.

1:26:40 Adam See, it doesn't have the word book in it. That's why it's always hard for me. You know what I mean? It's not the book lending place or the book exchange. You know what I mean?

1:26:49 Drew It's hard to figure that out.

1:26:50 Adam It's got a name in it that don't sound like a book. You know? Library. That's nothing. Sounds like a place where you go to lie. Yeah, like tell fibs or something. You know what I'm saying, Drew?

1:27:03 Drew I hear you.

1:27:04 Adam I'm saying I shouldn't be expected to remember that. Amy?

1:27:07 Caller Yes.

1:27:09 Adam What's the question, baby doll? 27 years of age.

1:27:11 Caller Hold on. I have two questions actually. My first question is regarding giving blood drops to people who are uncircumcised.

1:27:18 Adam Yeah.

1:27:19 Caller Okay. Me and my best friend have actually been in the experience in the recent past and it's totally different. So, I'm wondering what it is for the guy? Like are you supposed to just put the whole thing in your mouth or are you supposed to pull the skin back? It's kind of a pain in the ass.

1:27:35 Drew Well, when the guy is hard, the skin comes back automatically.

1:27:39 Caller Right, but you still like you.

1:27:41 Adam It's best not to break the penis up into too many parts when you're giving a BJ. Just a little bit of cheese. Just put the whole thing in there. Yeah, I would say, well, let the guy sort of guide you.

1:27:57 Drew Yeah.

1:27:57 Caller Well, all he says is like, you're so good at something, but I think you're bad at something. What's the real thing?

1:28:02 Drew Oh my God. This girl is a... Where did she go to finishing school? I didn't quite catch that.

1:28:06 Adam I think Geneva.

1:28:07 Drew Geneva, okay. I'm pretty sure it was Geneva. It was Lausanne.

1:28:10 Adam Lausanne? Okay. It could have been somewhere in the south of France as well. Oh, I picture Amy's upbringing, just a quartet of cello players at long table.

1:28:25 Drew In the porch or the living room of the trailer?

1:28:29 Adam Jesus Christ. I mean, I'm already 27 years old. You have a BJ question, you got to work the S word. The BS word. She's like, I could just hear chomping away on that gum. You want BJ? Can I leave the gum in? Yeah, it's bubblicious. Don't worry, I want you. I learned my lesson. Oh my God. Yeah. All right. Hold on. I'm going to yell at Amy. Amy. Yeah. No, no, no swearing. You understand me?

1:29:05 Caller I got it.

1:29:06 Adam No, but let me explain something. I'll put you on hold so you don't swear. I've put a theory together from doing this show, which is when stupid people get a head of steam verbally, they swear because their brain can't keep up with their mouth. When you're stupid, you have a fast mouth and a slow brain, and you cut your mouth loose, and it's like letting a chicken go in a yard, and your brain can't catch it. Your brain can't catch up to it, and before you know it, boom, MF'er comes flying out.

1:29:33 Guest It doesn't want to run into the fence, but it does.

1:29:35 Adam Right. Here's what you have to do. If you're not smart, you have to pretend like you're at court, and you're in court, and you're guilty of something. Be very deliberate. Nice. When someone says, you know how guilty people talk? They go, well, then where were you that night, Mr. Johnson? Well, I'd gone to bed at about 10 p.m. They have to think about every word, because they don't want to shout out something stupid about linking them to their wife's body down at the lake.

1:30:04 Caller Post-meridian.

1:30:05 Adam Right. That's what they need to do, and that's what stupid people need to do when they talk on the radio, so they don't swear.

1:30:11 Guest It was yellow American cheese.

1:30:13 Adam Amy?

1:30:13 Guest On the sandwich.

1:30:15 Adam Be very deliberate when you speak now.

1:30:17 Caller Got it.

1:30:18 Guest And watch yourself.

1:30:19 Adam What's going on? What are you doing for a living?

1:30:22 Guest Blow jobs.

1:30:23 Caller I work at a restaurant.

1:30:25 Adam Ah, a cocktail. Yeah. Are you a server? Yes. All right. I know you guys as waiters and waitresses, by the way. I'm not buying into this whole server part. Server more demeaning than waitress.

1:30:37 Guest Yeah, it really is, isn't it?

1:30:39 Adam Yeah.

1:30:40 Guest Waitress is kind of formidable, like all part of the same team.

1:30:44 Adam Waitress, waiter, that's fine. Yeah. Server sounds worse.

1:30:48 Guest I'm your server.

1:30:49 Adam Yeah, it's real close to servant. Yes. All right. So what do you hope to be doing, Amy? Marry a nice circumcised guy and settle down?

1:31:01 Caller I'm not sure.

1:31:03 Adam Okay, sweetie. But here's the deal. You're 27. It's time to start focusing a little bit. Right? Right. Okay. I appreciate the deliberate answers, by the way.

1:31:15 Drew In a clear and present voice.

1:31:17 Adam That's right. Now, here's my advice for you, Amy.

1:31:21 Caller Okay.

1:31:22 Adam You like to have a good time, and that's fine. And God bless you. I wish there was more of you. Now, here's the deal. You're 27, and that's fine. You have a few more years to have a good time, but you have to start planning just a little bit. Because when chicks who've been partying for a long time, had a good time for too long, don't look as good as they did when they were 21 and 22, and then they get into the 30s, and then they don't have an education, and they're still working at the same crappy restaurant, life gets tough. So just start planning for the future.

1:31:58 Drew Okay, Mr. Mann.

1:31:59 Guest All right.

1:32:01 Adam I'm just saying whatever you're into, education, whatever your goals are, starting a business, whatever, just start looking into it.

1:32:07 Drew There you go. Okay.

1:32:08 Caller All right.

1:32:10 Adam It's not all about PJs, God knows I know. I'm talking, I'm speaking from experience. I thought the train, the penis train would never end when I was her age. I found out when that ball caboose hit me square in the chin. I found out at that moment. No, I'm not trying to be funny.

1:32:31 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:32:32 Adam Yeah. That's good.

1:32:33 Drew I don't know.

1:32:34 Adam I don't know. You shouldn't be laughing about the ball caboose. Understand? All right. Let's take a break.

1:32:43 Drew Let's do.

1:32:44 Adam I'm going to give my show plug one more time. Midnight, too late, Adam Corolla, Comedy Central, Alec Baldwin tonight. As you've never seen him before.

1:32:53 Drew Really? What's he talk about?

1:32:55 Guest He crapped in the bed.

1:32:58 Adam Alec Baldwin, you realize, this is one of the smartest, funniest guys you'll ever come across. And there's a part of you that doesn't want to like him because he's a little bit of a blowhard and he's, you know, got that liberal lefty actor thing going on. But you know what? Super smart and super funny. And just gets into it tonight. All right, we'll take a break. We'll be back after this.

1:33:20 Alright, guys, here's the deal.

1:33:22 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:33:25 One call is all you need to make.

1:33:26 Caller Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

1:33:30 Call the Dateline.

1:34:10 Adam There you go. Coheed and Cambria, everybody. Hi, there. Good Apollo, name of the CD?

1:34:15 Yep.

1:34:16 Adam Michael, Claudio. It's been real, but we is out of time. What's that, Drew?

1:34:20 Drew I'm watching the footage of this storm come in. It's really amazing. So our thoughts go out to everybody. Get the hell out of there, and then get back in and rebuild.

1:34:29 Adam Yeah. Indeed. Meanwhile, it's 104 out here.

1:34:31 Drew Oh, it is?

1:34:32 Adam Yeah.

1:34:33 Drew Great.

1:34:33 Adam You're coming back to the Devil's Cauldron. All right. Drew, God bless you from DC. Oh, what is it? Thursday? I want to thank everyone. Well, listen, you know who you are. Yeah. You did a good job. Come on. I have to thank you every week.

1:34:50 Guest Everyone.

1:34:51 Adam Yeah. Who the hell thanks me?

1:34:53 Drew Thank you, Adam.

1:34:53 Guest Thank you, Adam.

1:34:54 Adam All right. So until next time, Adam Corolla. Claudia, you want to say anything? You don't want to thank me at all? Come on, brother. I'm about a little sugar. Until next time, I'm Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying Mahalo.

1:35:07 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, September 22, 2005