Episode 1000724504927

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:04 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content.

1:07 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:13 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:17 Adam With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Yeah, everybody, it's Loveline. Nay, the best of Loveline.

1:24 Drew Actually, I think it's my birthday.

1:26 Best Of Is it?

1:26 Drew I think I'm in Las Vegas.

1:28 Adam Awesome, buddy.

1:29 Best Of Hell no.

1:30 Drew Are you there?

1:30 Adam I mean, hell no. No, but enjoy, buddy.

1:33 Drew Thank you.

1:34 Adam Thank you. I'm going to give you five bucks. I need you to put it on black.

1:38 Drew All right.

1:39 Adam We'll move forward now.

1:41 Drew To find a $5 table.

1:42 Adam With a little something we like to call the best of Loveline. 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

1:48 You're out of it.

1:48 Drew What's the matter? I'm angry. I'm angry.

1:51 Adam I'm just arguing with suits.

1:53 Just idiots.

1:54 Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.

1:55 Adam No, this is Comedy Central idiots I have to argue with. I'm just such an asshole of everybody.

2:01 Drew Oh, geez, dude. I feel your pain.

2:03 I'm so sorry.

2:04 Adam Here's what people don't understand about me, Drew. Please.

2:06 Drew You're a genius.

2:07 Adam Well, yeah. No.

2:09 Drew You're fair.

2:10 Adam No. I'm ready to go home. I'm dying to go home. Here's what I have to shout at every goddamn suit in the city. Please let me go home. Please say one more thing and let me just go home. I just want to go home.

2:20 Drew Yeah.

2:21 Adam I want to quit. I'll walk away from anything at any time. I'm just ready to go home.

2:24 Drew Yes.

2:25 Adam I love my TiVo. I love my dog.

2:29 Drew Yeah.

2:30 Adam You know, me and the wife have good days too.

2:33 Drew Really? And you finally?

2:34 Adam I'm ready to go. I'm ready to go home at anything. Just keep going everybody. Watch how fast I go home. I can't take it anymore.

2:41 Drew Let's refine this a little more. Adam hates to work.

2:45 Adam Yes.

2:45 Drew And so whenever one somebody as arranges for him to lose a job, he's immensely grateful.

2:52 Adam Immensely grateful. Immensely grateful. And if you hassle me too much, I want I'm leaving. That's my whole period. I'm ready to go. Yes. Yes. It's my ultimate trump card.

3:03 Drew And unfortunately, no one believes that.

3:06 Adam They don't believe it. But Drew, please tell me, tell everyone how excited I am when stuff gets canceled or goes away. Anything, anything, anything.

3:15 Drew The Adam does not get excited about. Well, it's excited about like driving in the Toyota Grand Prix. If that got canceled, he'd be devastated.

3:24 Adam That's right. But even that's something though.

3:27 Drew Yeah, he'd rather sit at home and masturbate. But if, but if he were to be on, what's it? What's a, and I just, I have a great opportunity of something you'd really like to do. Host, host the Oscars, host the Oscars.

3:40 Adam Yes.

3:41 Drew Oh my God. Would he be happy if they canceled that? Oh my God.

3:44 It'd be awesome. Are you telling me?

3:47 Adam Yeah. Awesome.

3:48 Drew Oh, and not, not in the facetious way. Genuinely excited about not doing this thing. It'll be such a joke.

3:55 Adam How excited will, would I be if I got to not do that crappy Comedy Central show I'm supposed to do?

4:01 Drew Very excited.

4:02 Adam Elated, elated idiots. All right, go ahead, Jill. What's up?

4:11 Drew All right, while she's talking to me, let me just say, first thing, pause, enough.

4:14 Adam I came up with a good name for my Comedy Central show and the big boss man doesn't like it and he's pissing me off. Just pissed off.

4:22 Drew I remember when you and I wrote a book and we were gonna call it, listen, Adam is from Mars, Drew is from Pasadena, which I thought was the greatest name in a book ever.

4:30 Adam Yeah.

4:31 Drew And we were told by everybody, oh no, no, that's retarded. What are you doing?

4:35 Adam I know.

4:35 Drew What is the greatest thing?

4:36 Adam This is even worse. Everyone likes this idea except for the head honcho. So here's my thing. You come up with a name. I didn't want to know what it is anymore. Who cares? You know what I mean? This is what everyone needs to do.

4:47 Caller Like you don't like it?

4:48 Adam Good. Come up the name and don't bother me anymore. Just start printing up stationary.

4:53 Idiots.

4:55 Adam What's the matter?

4:56 Drew Jill.

4:56 Adam Jill.

4:57 Yes.

4:58 Adam 29.

4:59 Drew What's up? Who were you talking to there?

5:01 Adam Yeah. Who were you talking to?

5:02 Drew Yeah. You were muddying away to somebody.

5:04 Caller I was talking to my friend, my coworker. I didn't realize that you were listening to me.

5:09 Drew Where are you working?

5:10 Caller I work at a laboratory.

5:13 Drew For what? What kind of lab?

5:15 Caller It's a...

5:17 Drew Are we doing microbiology?

5:19 Caller Yes, microbiology.

5:20 Adam Is her friend telling you what lab you work at?

5:23 Drew Because the friend is actually the lab tech. She's like the gopher.

5:27 Adam Oh, okay. Yeah. You're just cleaning beakers with a bottle brush?

5:31 Caller No, I'm a med tech, actually. I stir poo and I test for STDs.

5:37 Drew You store poo?

5:37 Adam Stir. Stir poo.

5:39 Caller I test poo and...

5:42 Adam Yeah. All right.

5:44 Drew My poo got on eBay or something. You hear about that?

5:46 Adam Yeah.

5:47 Drew Yeah, I gave a sample and somebody released it and then...

5:50 Adam Well, I think Anderson checked into that and found out it may have been bogus or something.

5:55 Caller If I saw your sample, I would probably keep it.

5:57 Drew See?

5:59 Adam Sure. Sure.

6:00 Drew I don't want to know. I don't want to know.

6:02 Adam No, I wouldn't keep it.

6:03 Caller I actually probably would sell it on eBay.

6:05 Adam I used some of Drew's fecal matter, right? Helter Skelter on my rumpus room wall. No biggie. It's a laugh.

6:13 Drew What's here and there?

6:13 Adam It's an insider.

6:14 Drew Well, you acryliced over it so you don't smell it. Yeah.

6:18 Adam Yeah. I've got a scotch card in it.

6:19 Drew That's what I'm saying.

6:20 Best Of Yeah.

6:20 Adam All right, Jill, what's up?

6:22 Caller Well, I'm married and I have four kids.

6:25 Best Of Wow.

6:26 Caller My husband cheated on me when we first got married for like the first two years.

6:29 Drew Wow. Two years and four kids.

6:31 Adam Yeesh.

6:32 Caller And for some reason I stayed. I don't know why.

6:35 Adam Yeah.

6:35 Drew Because your dad was a flandering a-hole too.

6:38 Caller No, I love my daddy. My mom was a psycho and she actually killed herself the very last time he cheated on me. And it was just too much for me. So I couldn't deal with it at all.

6:47 Drew Hold on again.

6:47 Hold on again.

6:49 Adam Your mom killed herself?

6:50 Caller Yes. When? Four years ago.

6:53 Drew In response to your boyfriend, your husband cheating?

6:56 Caller No, no, no. It wasn't related. But it just happened to be about the same time that I found out that he had cheated on me. Wow.

7:01 Adam That's a good weekend.

7:03 Caller And I should have left, but it was just too much for me to deal with, so I didn't.

7:06 Drew I see, I see. Got it. Got the connection.

7:08 Caller Buried it all inside and, yeah, forgot about it.

7:11 Adam Well, now you take it out on Strangers Fecal Matter.

7:13 Caller Exactly.

7:15 Adam Same thing, though.

7:16 Best Of Same thing with me.

7:17 Adam And what, two year, he had a two year relationship.

7:21 Caller Well, no, he would just seek out, he would meet girls like online or through like Instant Messenger.

7:27 Adam Sounds like a serial killer. He had multiple relationships.

7:30 Caller Yeah, he would tell him that he wasn't married, go meet him, try to sleep with him.

7:33 Drew All right, so what's the question?

7:34 Adam Let me talk to Drew for a second.

7:35 Drew Yeah, that's a sex addict.

7:38 Adam A sex addict.

7:38 Drew Although he's 20 probably at the time, 24.

7:42 Adam Let me ask this, any hope, you know those people, and there's a bunch of them. There's, you know, fees, female and news reporters. There's executives and television executives. There's car salesmen. Do they ever have a chance at being a human being? You know what I mean? There's publicists. Do you know those people? You and I see them very clearly. It's like that movie Them. We have our sunglasses on and we can tell which ones are the actual aliens. Right. I'm playing Roddy Piper, rowdy Roddy Piper in this one. You get to be my black sidekick. Nice. My point is this. I see people that I know aren't human beings. They're flesh, they're blood, they're bone, they stand. They actually do.

8:22 They make they make good money.

8:23 Adam They have employment and also have wives and children like this. Yes. Yes. They feel like they're filled with sawdust.

8:28 Drew Yes.

8:29 Adam Maybe horse hair on a good day. They're not human beings and they're all over the place. And they're educated and their parents and their teachers and their lawyers and they're everywhere.

8:38 Drew Yes.

8:38 Adam Not human beings.

8:39 Drew Yes. Agreed.

8:41 Adam Those, we know the guy, these guys are usually salespeople.

8:45 Drew They're very difficult to get to change.

8:47 Adam You just look in their eye and you realize that no matter what it is they're saying, no matter what it is, they're telling you, they're feeling, there's nothing there.

8:56 Drew It's sort of, it's kind of serial killer. Yeah, it's a little sociopath light. It's sort of narcissist light. It's like a sociopath means narcissist. It's like my feelings don't matter, therefore your feelings don't matter either.

9:07 Adam Here's my theory about these people. If you told them a hundred innocent people would die in Kuala Lumpur when a fairy flipped over, although obviously you would have no way to trace it to you, or you get a new Mercedes CL55. But they take it, flip the fairy. I mean the question is, can it be traced to me? If I can't, flip it.

9:29 Drew You know who's becoming that character on South Park is Cartman.

9:32 Adam Drew, what are you talking about?

9:34 Drew I thought you liked the reference.

9:37 Adam You're watching too much South Park.

9:38 Drew But he really is now, they're being portrayed exactly like that.

9:42 Adam Okay, my point is there's a lot of real life Cartman's walking around out there. She's married to one of them.

9:47 Drew That's right.

9:48 Adam What do you do? What do you do about a guy who's two years into marriage and he's just having multiple, multiple relationships?

9:53 Drew This is sexual compulsion, sexual addiction, and he has to stop. If he's unable to stop, he has to lose things.

9:58 Adam Can someone be made into a human being?

10:00 Drew Yes. It's a lot of work.

10:03 Adam It's just a stupid. I'm not talking about like they do it in those Keanu Reeves movies where he's an uptight lawyer and he finds a chick with cancer and the next thing you know.

10:10 Drew No, nothing like that.

10:11 Adam Nothing like that.

10:11 Drew He needs to work and work and work for many years and get becoming somebody with feelings again.

10:17 Adam Is he going to do that? He's not going to do that. Those people don't want to do that. Jill, you're married to Cartman, who's filled with sawdust and horse hair.

10:26 Caller Sweet.

10:27 Adam Awesome. Here's a question. How come other people don't see that? I meet people like that, my skin starts to crawl, like I have to run out of the room screaming.

10:37 Caller You wouldn't know to look at him. You really wouldn't.

10:41 Adam No, I know.

10:42 Drew That's the point.

10:43 Adam I'm not looking at a picture of you dated him. You didn't just stare at his yearbook.

10:48 Drew This is the point making. And the question is, here's the deal. You are either going to hang in and have an exciting life with this guy who's not available to you, or you're going to threaten to leave and require him to make some change.

11:00 Caller He's going to SA meetings.

11:03 Drew Good. All right.

11:04 Caller That's good. But I don't even know if that's going to help. I mean.

11:07 Drew Well, it will if he gets a sponsor and works the steps.

11:10 Adam Jill, you guys are a very dangerous combination because he has the mind of like a serial killing master criminal and you have the mind of Spongebob, right?

11:20 And he's going to run Spongebob.

11:22 Drew Well, the naive, you believe you're naive, you're easy.

11:26 Adam He's going to run right over you.

11:28 Drew You've got to go to maybe some Alan on or something like that, or get some therapy yourself. So you can stand up to this.

11:32 Adam Yeah, your mom, your mom was nuts. You need therapy.

11:35 Caller Yeah, I just started seeing a therapist. Good.

11:38 Drew That's probably why you're going to essay.

11:39 Caller But he seems to think that the whole essay thing is going to take years and years and I can work it out with him.

11:44 Drew It is.

11:45 Caller I don't know if it's worth it.

11:46 Drew Well, fascinating thing, Gio, this is a very interesting thing you're doing, is that when somebody, the identified person, the person with the problem, starts to make a movement towards real change, that is often the time that the codependent, the person they're involved with, bails out. Right. That's because that's the point. You have to look at your ass as well. I would suggest, it sounds to me like a good situation.

12:08 Adam Well, what's attraction?

12:09 Drew I know.

12:10 Adam Why were you attracted to this?

12:12 Drew A-hole.

12:13 Adam This horrible A-hole in the first place. And now, whatever that is, he says he's gonna go take care of. Now that's gone. What's left? Right. Just a bunch of spray-on tan and aquavelva and vitalis. Oh yeah. Yeah.

12:27 Drew Vitalis is great.

12:28 Adam Great product.

12:29 Drew The hell?

12:30 Adam Mike?

12:31 Caller Yes. Really?

12:31 Adam I'd like to do an endorsement for them. Mike, you're 30.

12:35 Caller Yes, I am.

12:36 Adam What's up?

12:37 Caller Well, okay. I will make a real long story real short.

12:40 Adam Please.

12:41 Caller Ten years ago, a buddy of mine from high school came out of the closet, told everyone he was gay. I was cool with that. We had always been tight since we were little kids. Five years ago, he comes back into my life as a friend. Only now he wasn't Brandon, he was Brenda.

12:57 Adam Okay, now let me say this. Drew brought this up before. It's like Steve has to turn into Stephanie and Brandon. I say, how about you went ahead and lopped your dork off? How about you just go with Sheila? Yeah. You have to pick a name that starts with the same three letters.

13:15 Drew Let's go Consuelo.

13:16 Adam Just pick a chick name you like, not some crappy name that sounds like you're a chick version of her. Yeah.

13:23 Well, we knew him as Don.

13:25 Adam He's now Donatella.

13:26 Drew Or Donnie. Or Don.

13:27 Best Of Yeah, he's Donna.

13:29 Really?

13:32 Adam I guess your parents would be happier if you picked a name that was further from the one they tried to give you.

13:36 Drew They could have erased the original name from all the documents.

13:40 Adam Well, I mean, it's like, well, you know, Ms. Ray's now his name is Raylene.

13:45 Drew Well, I got to do it with Mike because there's a problem here. Yeah.

13:48 Adam My this is a bigger problem. People when they get a sex change, pick any chick name you like.

13:54 Drew But the more elaborate, the better, because after all, I mean, you're going to a lot of trouble.

13:58 Adam OK, but just figure out who your favorite soap star is and take her name. It does not have to start with the same two letters.

14:06 Drew There you go.

14:06 Adam All right.

14:07 Drew Yeah.

14:07 Best Of Let's see on five.

14:09 Drew Hey, Mike. Yes. Being gay and having a sex change operation are usually not related.

14:17 Caller He came out of the closet and told everyone.

14:19 Drew Hey, Mike, stop repeating the story. Being gay and needing a sex change operation are not related.

14:26 Caller OK.

14:27 Drew So when you thought this story up, it's out of right to you. Most male and female transsexuals actually do that to have relationships with lesbian females.

14:38 Adam Uh huh. Sorry, Mike.

14:40 Well, I'm not. I don't know what to tell you.

14:43 Caller It's a true story.

14:44 Drew It's all right. So keep going. Anyway, keep going.

14:47 All right.

14:48 Caller The problem is we've been so tight for so long now that he's a she. I'm starting to develop feelings. No romantic feelings.

14:58 Adam Now you're not.

15:00 Caller Well, she's pretty good looking.

15:02 Adam First off, I've never I rarely say this. You should pray this is a bogus call. You should be begging for bogus. City Mike, you I'm going to be only two choices bogus or bogus. Which one is it?

15:18 Caller Neither.

15:19 Drew All right.

15:19 Adam Where do you have bottomed out? Let's keep going.

15:22 Drew Where where do you have the operation done?

15:24 Caller Out at UCLA Medical Center.

15:26 Drew Yeah, we don't do them there. So so there you go.

15:30 There you go, Mike. That's what they told.

15:32 Caller That's what he told me.

15:35 Just because you're just because you talk like Seinfeld doesn't mean we're going to believe you. All right.

15:40 Drew Hold on. Let's just keep going. Listen, you have to apologize. The whole thing was sexual orientation and gender identity. They're two separate things. There's sometimes they're all can be both off. That happens. I'm not saying it never happens.

15:55 All right.

15:56 Adam You know what? You know why I'm intrigued? And I'm intrigued because he's clung on to this. This horrible story.

16:03 I know that's why I'm with two hands.

16:06 Adam Keep going, Mike.

16:08 Drew So what would you like from us?

16:09 Caller I just want to know. I mean, our friendship has already changed.

16:13 Drew What would you like from us?

16:16 Caller Do you think that I should attempt to have a relationship?

16:19 Yes, I do.

16:22 Yes, I do.

16:24 Drew That's not a question, Mike. Right? That's not really a question.

16:29 Adam Mike, you see, we're only angry at you because you're clinging to your horrible, bogus question. Well, no, under the bogus Geneva Convention, you have to come clean when we call you on it. You understand?

16:42 Caller And we called Adam, I swear to you, if this was bogus, I wouldn't even be on the phone with you, man. I'm sitting at work right now on my lunch break. All right.

16:50 Adam So hold on. Let me tell you something. You're calling from Michigan.

16:53 Caller Yes.

16:54 Adam It's at two in the morning over there. What time is it over there?

16:57 One right right now.

16:58 Caller It's about one o'clock in the morning.

17:00 Adam All right. Bad sign when you're taking lunch at one a.m. That means the career is not going as good as it could.

17:06 Caller No, it's a factory job.

17:08 Adam All right. Let's get into Mike a little bit. What kind of factory? Automotive?

17:14 Caller No, actually, we produce parts for power plants. Steel parts for power plants.

17:19 Adam All right.

17:20 Drew Interesting.

17:20 Adam And I'm starting to warm up on Mike because he's working with his hands. And what are you eating for lunch? You pack a lunch?

17:28 Caller No, I usually just run down to Mickey D's or something. There's one about three blocks down the road.

17:32 Adam Oh, open till 1 a.m. Huh?

17:34 Caller They got 24 hour Mickey D's in Michigan. That's why we're one of the fattest states, buddy.

17:38 Adam Yeah. Really. Like I said, it shouldn't be a law that you can't sell stuff with more than 700 grams of fat after 2 a.m. You would wish. It'd be nice. All right. So, Mike, you are you not a big hit with the ladies normally?

17:56 Caller I haven't had any problems generally. It's just that I've grown. I've known this person for years and, you know, it just seems.

18:05 Adam All right. Mike, Mike, I'm.

18:06 Caller Natural, but I guess I don't know. That's why I'm calling you guys, man.

18:10 Adam All right, Mike. Well, first off, as you know, I believe everything happens for a reason. All right. Number one. Number two, if you are truly attracted to this former man, that means things have not gone real well for you in the chick department. Drew, we all know when a guy is riding high and having his way and having a good time with the ladies. And we know when the guys are clinging and desperate. And this is a fine example of that.

18:40 Drew How come you had a girlfriend? You've been married?

18:43 Caller I was married once back right out of high school.

18:46 Drew What happened with that?

18:48 Caller It turned out to be a bad. She was a cheater.

18:51 Adam She was a cheater since then.

18:53 Caller But, you know, I usually work 12, 16 hours a day, five, seven days a week.

19:00 Adam I know people.

19:00 Drew Look, first off, 12, 16, five, seven.

19:03 Caller Yeah, my schedule varies.

19:05 Adam Works about 190 hours a week. Drew, let me tell you something about Drew when he was a young man. Drew worked 20 hour shifts, eight days a week, and still found time to bang the Jesus out of everything that moved in the hospital. And I'm talking everything from the morgue up to the top office in the penthouse and everything in between. Do you understand? I'm talking lab techs. I'm talking ambulance drivers. I'm talking janitors. I'm talking about the guy who refilled the vending machines. Anyone who came into that place got a sound thrashing from Drew sexually. You understand? So don't give me about schedule. There's always time for sex. Yes, Drew?

19:45 Drew Oh, sure, Adam.

19:45 Adam As a man of passion. Drew, Drew has to admit I'm right. Mike, this is the act of a desperate man.

19:56 Drew If it's true.

19:56 Adam If it's true.

19:57 Drew Which by the way, it just isn't.

19:58 Adam It isn't. But Mike.

19:59 Drew We'll keep going as it were.

20:00 Adam Here's what you need to do. How many pounds overweight are you?

20:05 Caller Oh, probably 30. I'm 6'3. I weigh about 280 pounds.

20:11 Drew Oh, 30.

20:12 Adam Yeah. By the way, when did the bar get raised on the fat ass bar? Get raised or laid or widened so much?

20:20 Drew Conspiracy with McDonald's.

20:21 Adam It's awesome. We talk to chicks all night long. Like, you big gal. I call myself curvy. I'm a 5'1, 245. Yeah, we just call that fat. I get no complaints. Yeah, well, no one calls you a fat ass while they're trying to get oral from you. They wait till they drive home and tell their buddies, it's safe to your fat. I don't get any complaints. Yeah, we talk to chicks all night long.

20:49 Drew Think how great we'd feel if we were women. Oh my God. Oh my God.

20:54 Adam Yeah, we would talk to women all night that are 195 pounds.

20:56 We would feel like queens, kings.

20:59 Adam Talk to chicks who are 200 pounds, they're like, I'm like four ounces overweight. It's like a butterfly laying on my shoulder.

21:04 Drew 280, 280, so it's like, but it's like guys are so such nut jobs that they just go like laser beams at women. It'll tell them anything, go after them, make them feel like they're attracted because they'll just go for it.

21:15 Adam Yeah, oh yeah. Mike.

21:18 Yes.

21:19 Drew All right, so Mike, here's the deal.

21:21 Caller Here's my point.

21:22 Drew Do whatever you gotta do. There's sort of no question for us here. We can't make a decision for you.

21:25 Adam Do you have a bad mustache that's sort of almost red?

21:31 Caller No.

21:31 Drew You have a mustache though.

21:33 Caller I do, I wear a goatee.

21:36 Adam All right, all right, all right. Here's what I'm gonna need you to do. I'm gonna need you to lose, what do you say, 30 pounds?

21:43 Drew 80.

21:44 Adam I'm gonna need you to lose 80 pounds.

21:46 Drew And work out.

21:47 Adam And start working out and then start meeting some chicks. But you, you, here's the deal, you're dating a guy who used to be on the lacrosse team with you in high school, who's now a chick.

22:00 Drew It's gonna screw you up. It's got some boundary issues. It's, it, it, it'll almost be better if you were attracted to a transsexual for the first time kind of thing.

22:07 Adam Yeah. And what happens come reunion time? Your date looks familiar.

22:11 Drew Let's do it.

22:12 Adam Yeah. Let me tell you another problem. I know the reason guys have gotten fat. I got a few theories. One is everything keeps getting bigger. XL, XL, XL, XL, XL. And your ass is like a goldfish.

22:34 Drew It fills.

22:36 Adam It'll fill the space. And if the tank keeps getting bigger, the fish will keep getting bigger. Put on. I mean, we've gotten in this before, but I, a few things, a few things. One is the stuff. Put on a pair of jeans from the 70s. Slap on some zeppelins or what you used to wear, Drew. Shemenda fur. Yeah.

22:56 Drew Ferragamos.

22:56 Adam Ferragamos. Those are shoes.

22:58 Drew Oh no. What was the, what was it with an F?

23:01 Adam Jordache.

23:02 Drew Jordache.

23:02 Adam I don't know. Put some Jordache on and try to stuff your fat ass into some Jordache. You put a pair of tight jeans on, you go out and eat a mint, you can feel your belly pushing on the waistband. Now you put on a huge sweat outfit.

23:17 Drew Juicy's. Juicy sweat. Right.

23:20 Adam You get on a mammoth sweat outfit, you go hit the buffet, you just keep going, you just keep spreading out, and the next day you just put on some cargo shorts that are like four feet long and eight feet wide, and you have to use, you know, 30 feet of rope to keep them up and you just tie it. You never feel it. Go put some tight 70s crap on. You'll feel like hell. Ladies, put a tube top on, put some hip hugger jeans on. Guys, put some of those jeans that zip up in the back and in the front on them.

23:50 Drew Oh my God.

23:51 Adam You put up. Here's the thing, if that's the fashion, if that's what people are wearing, if you put on six pounds, it's a big deal. You feel it when you put your pants on, you know it. You wear sweatpants, you put on 180 pounds, you wouldn't know it. Now, let me tell you the other thing. Facial hair. You want to know why fat guys always have beards, or bearded guys are always fat?

24:15 Drew Give me a chin.

24:17 Adam It's like the one thing that really hangs out now is a guy, the only thing that really gets fat on you is your face. Everything else gets husky until about 300 pounds. You know what I mean? You want to put a long sleeve, a lumberjack shirt on and tuck it into some jeans, put a big belt buckle on, some boots. You'll just start looking like a bouncer.

24:36 Drew You're a big guy.

24:37 Adam You'll just start looking like a big guy, except when we see your three chins. But you grow yourself a nice beard, now you're just a big old lumberjack. See what I'm saying? So now what these guys do is they grow a beard and they carve in like a goatee.

24:51 Drew A chin.

24:51 Best Of They give themselves a...

24:53 Caller Why do you think most fat guys have goatees?

24:56 Adam You get to make a chin for yourself out of hair.

24:59 Caller You've made a hair chin. Do you understand?

25:03 Adam My head, I just look like a fat 13-year-old if I shave this thing off. I look like a 13-year-old with a thyroid condition. So I'm going to grow myself a chin and a jaw. So between that and the sweat pants, now the biggest dudes you'll ever see in the world are dudes with sweat outfits on and goatees. Like if you said, what's this dude, what's he wearing? He's got one of those sort of velour sweat pants and sweat tops on an outfit and a goatee. You'd be like, oh, he's 400 pounds. You know what I mean?

25:41 Drew You're profiling, though. How dare you?

25:42 Adam All right, I'm just saying, you go to a clean shaven and some Shemendafer jeans, take a quick break, be right back after this. Keep things up with new Durax Warming Condoms. Yeah, everybody, that's what I'm talking about.

26:20 Caller Yeah! Hell yeah!

26:22 Adam Uh-oh. Why not? That's what I'm saying. No reason why not. It's a love line, Adam. That's Dr. Drew in Chi-town.

26:31 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

26:35 Adam Yeah.

26:37 Drew As usual, it's 72, Breezy, beautiful here.

26:40 Adam Yeah. It's always nice when we're in Chicago. Yeah. He's out there in Chi-Town. He'll be back.

26:46 Best Of When are you going to be back?

26:47 Drew Tomorrow.

26:48 Best Of Yeah.

26:49 Drew Yeah. All right.

26:51 Adam Let's get back to the phones because that's what this show is about.

26:54 Caller Yeah.

26:55 Best Of Yeah.

26:56 Adam And me singing first edition songs with Kenny Rogers.

27:01 Caller Next caller.

27:04 Yeah. Next caller, please.

27:06 Best Of Oh, yeah. Well, condition my condition was a booding.

27:11 Adam Oh, Drew, where do you hear this?

27:13 Drew Let's go work on some music one of these days. And let's actually get a song nailed down.

27:17 Adam Cassandra?

27:18 Yeah.

27:19 Adam You're 18?

27:20 Caller Yes.

27:21 Adam What's the matter?

27:23 Caller Well, me and my girlfriend have sex for some reason. She just can't have an orgasm.

27:30 Caller How do you?

27:32 Caller She says it's something I'm doing wrong, but she can't really tell me what it is.

27:36 Best Of Uh-huh. She's 18. 18.

27:38 Drew And how old is the girlfriend?

27:40 Caller She's 19.

27:41 Drew And has she ever had an orgasm with anybody?

27:44 Caller Yes.

27:44 Drew And what did she say you're doing wrong?

27:47 Caller She says she doesn't know.

27:49 Drew No, boy.

27:52 Adam Cassandra? Yeah. You come out of the factory as a lesbian or did you get converted out on the street? You know what I mean? There's what I'm saying, like, you know, certain cars, certain like old muscle cars and even even Ferraris that came out as coupes and then got converted into convertibles at a certain point. You know what I mean? Sometimes hard to tell if they're factory or not.

28:16 Drew There weren't no going back.

28:18 Adam Well, once once they saw that top off, they're in the back. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Did you get monkeyed with?

28:28 Best Of You got it.

28:28 Adam You got a weirdo uncle or something?

28:31 Caller No. It was just a long story.

28:36 Best Of All right.

28:37 Drew That's very crystal clear.

28:39 Adam Yeah. I know.

28:40 Drew I see that history now.

28:42 Adam Who did this? Someone molest you?

28:46 Caller Yeah.

28:47 Adam Okay.

28:47 Drew Who was it?

28:50 Caller It was my mom's best friend's son.

28:59 Drew Okay.

28:59 Adam Mom's best friend's son. All right. Was he much older than you?

29:03 Caller Yeah.

29:04 Adam Okay. Well, that's enough. So how long did that go on for?

29:10 Caller Only like a couple of weeks.

29:13 Drew All right. How old were you when that happened?

29:16 Caller I was 13.

29:18 Best Of That's a little old for that.

29:19 Drew Anything happen before that?

29:21 Caller What?

29:22 Drew Anything happen before that?

29:26 Caller No, not really.

29:27 Adam Okay. I'm done banging my head against this rock. So Cassandra?

29:34 Caller Yeah.

29:35 Adam Okay. Listen, are we boring you? I'll tell you what. I'm going to put you on hold for about another 30 minutes. All right? You see, you see if you can, you know what? Smells, get a little shot of a smelling salt and do that thing where you put your face in the sink and go, and then we'll come back. I like, I like these sort of, we are not amused by the goofballs from Oklahoma that are talking to a national radio show. Does, and everything just starts sounding like a sound, but the sound, it's really just bad, it's just tones and it all just sounds bad. Like, how old are you? Yeah, yeah. Well, what's wrong with your girl? And are we ever blessed?

30:22 Drew I get that they're in pain, but we gotta still, everyone's gotta step it up.

30:25 Adam Right, you gotta step it up. Sorry? Oh, and by the way, everybody, you are gonna have a horrible life if you just go through life with that kind of. Hey, you want to fill out a job application?

30:42 Drew Maybe a little customer service.

30:47 Adam Yeah, that rental car, is the insurance included in the $29.95 package?

30:53 Drew But people get in that biological state where that's about all that can come out of them.

30:57 Adam I know.

30:58 Drew But then the deal is get treated.

31:00 Best Of Yeah, well, here's the thing too.

31:02 Adam Here would be a decent job. Now their parents end up being around them, their loved ones, teachers, everyone just sort of writes them off. And then you just get used to it and you start, you know, the parent is like, honey, you want eggs or cereal for breakfast?

31:17 Best Of Okay.

31:18 Adam And sunny side up or base? All righty then. Now you got to get moving because after school, we're going to gymnastics slash her and I don't even know what the person's doing anymore. You know what my job should be? My job. My job should be just going around and telling everyone immediately what's wrong with them.

31:40 Drew First impression with with their first impression with my first impression of them.

31:46 Adam Yeah. I just got to talk to me.

31:48 Best Of Okay.

31:48 Adam Here's what's going on.

31:49 Drew Yeah.

31:49 Best Of You know what I'm saying?

31:53 Adam Let me tell you, I also told my wife that people ought to pay me $3,000 an hour to walk through their house and tell them what to do. And she was like, she was appalled. She realized she married an a-hole at that point.

32:08 Drew It took all the way till then, huh?

32:10 Best Of Yeah.

32:12 Adam When I started announcing, people ought to pay me to walk through their house and critique it.

32:16 Best Of All right.

32:21 Adam Stephanie?

32:21 Drew To you and your first impression.

32:26 Adam Well, I don't know. I don't think you can do it with people that you may know from radio or television or something like that. It's not going to work.

32:35 Drew Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Here we go. Step it up. Break it down.

32:40 Adam Stephanie?

32:41 Caller Hi, Adam.

32:41 You make me laugh.

32:42 Caller I had to say that.

32:44 Adam Thanks, sweetie pea. You're 26. What's up?

32:47 Caller My fiance doesn't want me to have a boob job. And I want one. And he's like, why don't you just try those herbal and hampters? And I was just wondering if those even work or what's the deal with those?

32:59 Drew They do not work. But what's your situation?

33:03 Caller We just got engaged and what do you mean by my situation? What do you want to know?

33:06 Adam Your boob situation, I think.

33:08 Caller 34B.

33:09 Drew Okay. And have you ever been on oral contraceptives, birth control?

33:13 Caller I'm on some now, yeah.

33:14 Drew Okay. Because sometimes that'll add something. Some women, depending on how much they're doing.

33:18 Caller I haven't noticed anything.

33:20 Drew All right. Did you get any breast soreness on the pill?

33:23 Caller Yeah. I always get my boobs always like, seem to get a little bigger and sore right before my period.

33:29 Drew And I'm just still aside by why the girls want this. The ones that have the focus on the boobs or want the augmentation?

33:37 Adam Boobs. Boobs.

33:38 Caller I like that though.

33:39 Drew Yeah, but what is that?

33:41 Best Of I don't know, but let me tell you something about boobs.

33:43 Adam It should have been bube in the first place.

33:45 Drew I understand, but why do the girls that have the focus on it and they want the augmentation say it that way? What does that mean?

33:52 Adam I think they think about it so much, it changes the shape of their soft palate or something.

33:57 Best Of I don't know. Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, what can do?

34:04 Adam Come on, Drew.

34:05 Drew It sounds a little me, a little...

34:07 Adam A little hair?

34:08 Drew A little shamed a little bit. Bube? Yeah, I'm holding back a little bit because I'm thinking so much about this. So I put a little twist on the word when it makes me feel uncomfortable to bring it up.

34:21 Adam Well, Stephanie.

34:23 Drew Yeah?

34:25 Adam Let's think of other things you can do to enhance yourself.

34:29 Caller Okay.

34:29 Adam Like, where do you work?

34:32 Caller I am a hairdresser.

34:35 Best Of Mm-hmm.

34:36 Adam How do you do? Do you rent a chair? Now, yeah, do you make decent money?

34:43 Caller I do, yeah.

34:44 Adam I always thought that would be a decent gig. You enjoy it?

34:47 Caller I like it.

34:48 Drew Yeah, Adam, I could see you in that. That's the other job I could see you doing.

34:52 Adam Yeah.

34:53 Drew Either construction or hair cutting. Yeah.

34:55 Adam Be a decent gig. All right, so you have a career. You're happy?

35:00 Caller Yes.

35:01 Adam Your fiance enjoys your breasts the way they are.

35:05 Caller He says so, yeah.

35:06 Adam Oh, you don't believe him?

35:08 Caller I don't know.

35:10 Drew Why would he want them to be enlarged?

35:11 Caller I'm probably just more self-conscious about it than he is, but... Yeah.

35:15 Adam I don't see, you know... Here's the thing. If you're, you know, an A or you're something that is just sort of off the spectrum of reality, then go ahead and do it. But 34B, that's fine. Most guys are fine with that.

35:31 Drew By the way, this thing that women get into where they don't believe their boyfriends, guys are not bashful about that stuff. They don't like something. They are going to tell you.

35:39 Adam Well, they may not bring it up, but if you bring it up, they'll be with you.

35:46 Drew They'll be all over it.

35:47 Adam Let's put it this way. Guy may want his old lady to lose 10 pounds.

35:52 Drew Right.

35:52 Adam And may feel self-conscious about saying anything. But if she says, you know, I gotta lose 10 pounds, I gotta get myself in this shape, you know, he'll go, yeah, all right, yeah, knock yourself out.

36:04 Drew No, no, no, he'll go, oh, let's go to the gym right now, sign up, let's go, let's go.

36:08 Adam Yeah, that's what I mean. He's not gonna argue with you and, you know, rip up your gym membership or bust your treadmill, right? Yes?

36:16 Drew Yes.

36:17 Adam Busting your treadmill is like, it's like, she's no longer a girl anymore, she's now a woman. He busted her treadmill. Engineers, Michelle, what do you got over there? You got any first edition? Any Kenny Rogers over there?

36:32 Caller I'm looking, but the computer won't let me download.

36:35 Adam Why don't you go to a computer that'll let you do it? Do we have one?

36:39 Caller I think, remember we got that notice that said you can't download anything because somebody was downloading porn or something?

36:44 Drew Somebody.

36:45 Adam Yeah, Jed. All right, we'll figure that out. Drew, let's-

36:51 Drew I got a little sample.

36:53 Adam Do you? Yeah, let's hear it.

36:59 Drew Oh, it's got a buffer. What does that mean? Oh, it's got a download.

37:24 Adam Push your soul in the deep dark hole and follow it in. Crawling out while they're just crawling in.

37:34 Drew Oh my God.

37:35 Best Of That's heavy, man.

37:36 Drew I have never heard that song. As God is my witness.

37:40 Adam You are so Squaresville, Daddy-o.

37:43 Drew I just not into that stuff in the day.

37:45 Adam You are the man.

37:47 Drew I am the man even though I was eight. I am the man.

37:51 Adam Hey, Daddy-o. Yeah, I was 1966, Drew.

37:55 Drew I was eight.

37:56 Adam See it, man. He crawled inside his mind, man, while he was crawling out.

38:02 Drew Oh my God. How do we survive all that?

38:04 Best Of Yeah. Yeah.

38:06 Drew What has that done to our minds?

38:07 Best Of The condition, my condition.

38:09 Caller That's Kenny Rogers.

38:11 Drew To all of our... I know.

38:13 Best Of Hold on. That's the guy who sings Coward of the County.

38:17 Caller You got to know when... When?

38:19 Best Of Oh, that guy's got range.

38:21 Adam And he opened a chicken joint.

38:23 Drew Now we're words like spurs and things. That's weird.

38:26 Best Of Yeah. All right.

38:27 Drew But just sociopath, whatever.

38:30 Adam Come on, Drew. That's a big hit in 66.

38:33 Drew Yeah. But to our listeners, that's all just a little piece of, a little sliver of history.

38:38 Caller For us to go through that crap.

38:40 Drew I would rather, I would have rather been in Napoleonic Europe, I think.

38:43 Adam Yeah. Well, Drew, you were in diapers. Who cares? Let's take ourselves a little break. Open your mind, man. You can keep yourself tight. Take a little break, Drew, over there in Shattown. Ace Man over here in La La City. And we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

39:02 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

39:05 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

39:15 Adam Yeah, it's Loveline, everybody. I'll tell you, I believe everything happens for a reason, and that's why I have to get it on. Yes.

39:26 Drew Yes, indeed.

39:27 Adam Drew, you know what would drive you insane? Remember when my idiot buddy, Daniel, stayed at my house?

39:34 Drew Yeah.

39:34 Adam I got an extra house. My buddy stayed at it.

39:36 Drew Yeah.

39:37 Caller He he ordered up.

39:38 Adam He ordered up the Major League Baseball package, which is one of those things where you can't get out.

39:43 Drew Or what's your hand?

39:44 Adam I'm cheap. Even though I spent a ton of money on nonsense, there's something about the 250 bucks. I don't like baseball anyway. I never watch it. Watching it on TV is ridiculous. Anyway, the point is, he ordered this thing and then moved out of the house six months later, and that was five years ago, and I've been paying for the package.

40:04 Drew You didn't know it?

40:05 Adam No. Just I'm paying the 300 bucks every time.

40:07 Drew No one's there.

40:08 Adam Every year. Never seen one pitch of one game ever.

40:12 Drew I jump off the bridge.

40:13 Adam And caught it at game number five of season number four, and said, I got to cancel this. And they're like, oh, no, can't do it.

40:22 Drew Not too late. You're already in the season.

40:24 Adam Can't do it. You guys automatically. I didn't sign up, you know, you guys automatically. Such a scam, by the way. So to pay for a fourth season I wasn't watching that I didn't sign up for. Don't you think there's there's if you really brought these things to you, you got to the Supreme Court with certain things, you would win. You would think like, look, you and my first sign me up.

40:48 Drew I didn't sign a lot of things don't make sense on this society based on laws.

40:52 Adam You renewed it automatically. I didn't renew it. And now I can't get out of it because you renewed it.

40:59 Best Of Oh, interesting.

41:00 Adam And by the way, this is why everyone with their policies. Yeah, it's a policy.

41:04 Best Of What are you gonna do?

41:05 Drew Your policy is not to pay it.

41:08 Adam I just, uh, Amanda?

41:11 Caller Yes.

41:13 Adam What's happening?

41:14 Caller Nothing.

41:15 Drew There you go.

41:17 Caller Okay, my question is, my boyfriend and I decided to try something totally new and I used one of my toys on him and ever since he's been complaining of like really bad stomach cramps.

41:30 Drew I have a million questions. Whose idea was this?

41:33 Caller It was kind of a mutual thing. Like we were just bored, wanted to try something new.

41:36 Drew No, that's not how that kind of thing goes down. Somebody has to have some momentum with this. Who had it?

41:44 Caller I have to say mostly him then.

41:46 Drew Yeah, so he wanted you to do this. That's kind of figured.

41:49 Adam What kind of toy?

41:50 Caller Just like a regular vibrator.

41:53 Drew He's gay. That is not something a guy would normally come forward with unless he really wanted you to do that. You know what I mean? That's not something like, I'm bored, why don't you put something up, try it over here.

42:03 Best Of Yeah.

42:03 Drew It's like, come on. That's not an I'm bored maneuver. That's a here's my chance maneuver. Yeah.

42:10 Best Of Yeah.

42:10 Drew All right. Now here's the deal. If he has cramps persistent, any number of serious medical problems you can cause, tears in the colon, he could have peritonitis, he could have an abscess, perirectal abscess.

42:22 Adam How?

42:23 Drew He knows many different things. He needs to see a doctor immediately.

42:26 Adam There was no strap on action here. This is all just three on the tree, as we like to say.

42:32 Caller Okay.

42:34 Adam You know what I mean? That's a column shift.

42:38 Drew It's an old term.

42:40 Caller Well, you know, it's...

42:42 Drew No, don't.

42:43 Adam Okay. I look at Chris every once in a while.

42:46 Drew I remember three in the tree.

42:47 Adam Yeah.

42:47 Drew The H, the back part was the reverse.

42:50 Adam I never drove a car like that, but old trucks and stuff, old cars used to have the column shift as opposed to...

42:55 Drew Three in the tree was just any three-speed.

42:56 Best Of Yeah, yeah.

42:57 Adam Old cars, as opposed to four in the floor.

43:00 Best Of Yeah. Yeah.

43:03 Adam So I'm guessing non-strap-on, I like to call three in the tree. So Amanda. Yes. What size batteries did this column shift take?

43:15 Caller They were just AA.

43:18 Drew AA.

43:18 Adam All right. Better than the C.

43:20 Drew Why?

43:22 Adam Well, the diameter.

43:23 Drew Just the width, I see.

43:24 Adam Yeah, diameter. Because I could fit basically a handful of AA's up me, where C's I could fit like four.

43:29 Drew Oh, yeah.

43:29 Caller Well, I mean, it was kind of a larger building. It was an eight-incher.

43:35 Adam Eight-incher, okay. And did you use lubrication?

43:39 Caller Yeah.

43:40 Adam Okay. All right. And what-

43:43 Drew Why are you not taking him to the doctor?

43:46 Caller He doesn't want to go. He's scared to go.

43:49 Adam Yeah. Well, look, Drew, this is like when a guy in the mafia gets shot. Do you know what I mean?

43:56 Drew Yeah.

43:56 Adam Well, you're not just going to the emergency hospital. They have questions.

43:59 Drew He's blowing the cover.

44:00 Adam Yeah.

44:01 Drew Well.

44:02 Adam Yeah. Cramps. How long ago was this?

44:06 Caller This was two weeks ago.

44:09 Drew It could be pretty serious.

44:10 Caller It could be.

44:10 Caller He doesn't have the pain so much right now as he did. I mean, after it happened, he actually cried. It hurt him so bad. And he was afraid that it was intestinal damage.

44:21 Drew Yeah, he might have torn his collar. He could be peritonitis. He could have an abscess.

44:25 Adam Wouldn't your stool be peculiar?

44:28 Drew Not necessarily, no.

44:29 Adam No? Because I focus on mine.

44:31 Drew I know you do.

44:32 Adam Like tea leaves.

44:33 Drew As I told you, I witnessed where the human invented the coil pots. There wasn't with clay.

44:38 Adam Drew was jogging and found a coil of duke.

44:40 Drew Jogging, I found a little hideout of a homeless guy. And man, there was that coil pot.

44:46 Adam They actually fashioned.

44:47 Drew Fashioned a coil pot of duke.

44:49 Adam Really?

44:50 Drew Yeah.

44:50 Adam So I make a slab pot of duke and sometimes a pinch pot of duke. And I fire it by digging a hole to a rikku method.

45:02 Drew You call it rikku-poo?

45:03 Adam Rikku-poo. Yeah. If you just, you got to get the oak where it seems to work the best. But birch or any other hard wood will work. Works well.

45:12 Drew Hickory rikku-poo?

45:13 Best Of Hickory rikku-poo.

45:15 Adam Yeah. Awesome kid's book.

45:17 Drew All right.

45:17 Adam Bring him into the hospital.

45:18 Drew Yes. Well, not the hospital necessarily, but a doctor for sure. Somewhere where he can maybe doesn't feel scrutinized. All right. But he probably needs a CAT scan and maybe a barium enema or a colonoscopy.

45:27 Adam What's the barium enema going to do? You mean that you get to do the barium enema, cleans everything out?

45:31 Drew No. Barium enema you see, you really see what's going on the inside of the colon.

45:35 Adam Do you do the barium enema and then mix that, combine it with an MRI?

45:39 Drew Well, the reason I'm doing barium enema is sometimes you can see, you know, barium fills the colon.

45:44 Adam What do you use to see it?

45:45 Drew You might do what's called a high-peg enema. It's a barium liquid basically, or a high-peg. It's a little lower density.

45:53 Adam How do you see it?

45:55 Drew X-ray.

45:55 Adam Just straight X-ray.

45:57 Drew It's an enema, fill your colon with the stuff and then you take pictures.

45:59 Adam Okay, but the pictures are just a straight X-ray?

46:02 Drew Straight X-rays.

46:03 Adam Okay.

46:03 Drew Those were the only thing we had before colonoscopy is MRIs and CT scans. And now, something like this, you might do something to see if there's any leak in the colon.

46:11 Adam John.

46:13 Caller Yeah, what's up?

46:14 Best Of Big John man boobs.

46:15 Adam What's up?

46:16 Caller Yeah, it's been going on for about four years. I've had them.

46:20 Caller Bouncy, bouncy.

46:22 Caller Yeah, that's funny. I don't know if there's anything I can do to get rid of them.

46:28 Drew There is a surgery. First, I suggest you lose weight. All right, what do you weigh?

46:32 Caller I'm about 250, 62.

46:34 Drew You're fat. You could lose 20, 30 pounds, right?

46:37 Adam Yeah, you could lose 50 pounds. I mean, look, if you look at one of those body mass index things, 6'2 guys are supposed to be about 185, like 179 and stuff. It's crazy.

46:48 Drew Yeah, yeah. And do you take any steroids or supplements, anything like that?

46:52 Caller Oh, no, no.

46:54 Drew All right, and smoke a lot of pot? Just asking, Adam.

46:56 Caller Just 16.

46:59 Caller I'm clean.

47:00 Drew All right, so I'm not sure they would do the surgery at your age because sometimes it remits. Or your weight. Yeah, you have to lose some weight a couple more years down the line. This thing kind of tends to get better on its own. But there is a liposuction that they'll do sometimes, and sometimes they can actually cut the breast tissue if there's a lot of glandular material there.

47:16 Adam John.

47:16 Drew A plastic surgeon would be able to handle that for you.

47:18 Adam Are you athletic?

47:20 Caller Yeah, I'm a swimmer.

47:21 Caller Oof.

47:23 Adam Swimmer?

47:26 Drew What do you swim? Yeah, what event?

47:30 Caller What do you mean?

47:31 Drew What event do you swim?

47:32 Caller I just swim. I do the breaststroke, ironically enough.

47:39 Adam So you're in a speedo, 250 pounds?

47:41 Caller No, they don't do that anymore. It's the public school weenie kids have cried out the humiliation and the speedo line too many times.

47:50 Adam So what are you wearing? Like cycling shorts?

47:53 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

47:55 Adam Stuff an extra like a bar rag or something in there before you hit the pool?

48:00 Caller No.

48:01 Adam I wouldn't care if it slowed me down. I'd want to look good standing up on that thing, you know, where you dive off of.

48:06 Best Of Yeah.

48:06 Adam All right. John, 250 pounds, unless you're just some sort of physical specimen in your old muscle, you probably should lose a few pounds. Secondly, maybe the swim team is not the best place for Aquaman boobs to be at. You know what I'm saying?

48:27 Best Of Yeah.

48:27 Adam Let's try the football team. You get to wear shoulder pads, jersey. You get to be big. Plenty of guys who play ball, play football that got man boobs. Sure. They play those nose tackles. They're 350 pounds and stuff, but they just ain't wearing a Speedo and standing up in front of God and everyone.

48:40 Drew They're badass.

48:41 Adam Yeah. So here's the thing. Go on a diet, consult.

48:47 Drew Plastic Surgeon.

48:48 Adam Plastic Surgeon. And maybe in a couple of years you do it.

48:52 Drew Yeah.

48:52 Adam All right.

48:52 Caller We'll take a quick break.

48:53 Adam Be right back after this.

48:56 Caller Alright, guys, here's the deal.

48:57 Caller You looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

49:01 Adam One call's all you need to make.

49:02 Caller Call the Dateline.

49:03 Caller 877-889-DATE.

49:06 Caller Call the Dateline.

49:10 Best Of Love Line will be right back. Yeah, buddy.

49:22 Adam Oh, it's my song.

49:24 Best Of It's the Ace Man.

49:24 Caller I haven't heard it in a while.

49:26 Adam Wearing my smoked shades, moving through the bar. Leather jacket slung over the shoulder, dingo boots on.

49:33 Caller Nice.

49:34 Adam Confident stride. Hair bouncing. Feathered hair.

49:37 Caller Bouncing ladies.

49:39 Best Of Slow motion.

49:40 Adam All looking over the shoulders at the bar.

49:42 Drew Don't you pull your glasses off? And here's what they see.

49:49 Adam They see this?

49:49 Caller Here's what they see.

49:51 Adam No, they hear it.

49:52 Drew Well, they see it.

49:54 Caller Oh, really?

50:01 Best Of Yeah.

50:03 Adam Where are those bars where the hot chicks sit around and drink?

50:08 Drew On commercials.

50:09 Adam Is that just it?

50:10 Best Of Yeah.

50:12 Adam And do hot chicks, according to commercials, they sort of pair off like, all right, we got a blonde chick, we got a black chick, although she has white features and she's not very dark. And then we have a Asian chick. We'll put them together and they'll hang out. That's why every beer commercial is like, whoa, we got a hot redhead, we got a hot blonde, we got a hot black chick who again doesn't look black or has no features. She's just, she's white but she's spray painted brown. She's straight hair, little nostrils, her little pixie nose and everything. There's nothing you'd think of as a traditional. Put her with, watch for the hot Asian chick or Latin chick. They're interchangeable. They don't need both.

50:52 Caller Oh, I see.

50:53 Adam You know what I mean? It's quite a formula. It's one or the other. You need the hot blonde. You need the hot black chick, really doesn't seem black. And then you need either the Asian or Latina chick, depending. Excellent. And that's who hangs out at the bar. Of course. There's never two blondes hanging out together.

51:09 Drew No, I've never seen that.

51:10 Adam But if it is two blondes, it's eight blondes. See what I'm saying? Right. It's a whole grouping of blondes. That's how it works. Smoking hot chicks like to drink. And they're somehow, I like the ones too that are, they know their beers. They don't like that Michelob because it's watery. They don't want Miller Lite. They want the Sam Adams. It's like, you know, hot 21 year old chick who knows about anything.

51:30 Drew Sure. Sure.

51:30 Adam She's a...

51:31 Drew First thing on their mind.

51:31 Adam She's a hops and barley gal. She's probably just a little brewing herself.

51:35 Drew Of course.

51:36 Adam Okay.

51:36 Drew A trash can or a bottle.

51:37 Adam She's been very a few times buying, buying barley.

51:41 Drew So Trish, you're in the Navy and your boyfriend, husband's in the Marines and you live 50 miles apart. Boyfriend. You live 50 miles apart. What's going on?

51:48 Caller Well, here's the deal. You know, Marines usually have, well, they do have a stereotype that all they do is drink when they're off duty and mess around and stuff. And he's not like that.

51:58 Adam That's not him.

51:59 Drew Yeah, of course not. How dare you.

52:01 Caller But I heard, you know, before he went to Iraq, he told me himself, he, me and him can talk straight out, but he told me that he drank a lot. I mean, it was so bad that every day he was drinking right before he left. He comes back and, you know, he just met me. This is a total new relationship. So it's not like it's been a while.

52:18 Drew Let's slow down a second. How long were you together before he was shipped out?

52:22 Caller We, no, we weren't together when he shipped out. I just, I just met him like a month ago.

52:28 Drew Is this confusing to you? It's confusing to me.

52:30 Adam I, every, I gotta be honest with everyone. Every, about every 14th call, I decide not to pay attention to.

52:37 Drew Yeah, you chose the right one.

52:40 Adam What's going on?

52:40 Drew I have no idea.

52:41 Adam She got that strap on, Dilda?

52:43 Drew We're getting there.

52:45 Best Of Okay. All right.

52:46 Drew So, a few minutes ago, you said you've been together for months and he was in Palm Springs and you were in San Clemente or something.

52:54 Caller I've been together for almost a month. I mean, but we-

52:57 Drew And how, when did he go to Rock?

52:59 Caller He went to Rock. I'm not even sure. I met him after.

53:03 Drew Okay, met him after. All right.

53:04 Caller This is the same talk to me.

53:06 Drew Just him talk to you.

53:09 Adam FFYI. The difference between curtains and drapes, is it the same thing or is it a difference?

53:14 Drew I think that with drapes, you start thinking about heavier material.

53:17 Adam Drapery.

53:17 Drew Things that drape.

53:19 Adam Curtains could be more sheer.

53:21 Drew Curtains could be anything that covers a window.

53:24 Best Of Okay.

53:25 Adam So Trish?

53:26 Caller Yeah.

53:26 Drew Keep going.

53:27 Adam Drapes thick?

53:29 Caller I'm sorry?

53:30 Adam Thicker material?

53:31 Drew Yes. I'm sorry.

53:32 Adam Go ahead, Trish.

53:33 Drew Heavy. I think it's a-

53:34 Adam Heavier material?

53:35 Best Of Okay.

53:35 Adam Mrs. Mccain always wanted.

53:37 Drew Yeah. Okay.

53:38 Adam Go ahead, Trish.

53:39 Best Of Okay.

53:39 Caller Well, pretty much my question is, he admitted to me that he had a little drinking problem in the past. And this is just a new relationship, but he was telling me, and this weekend, he was supposed to come and see me or at least call me or something. And he did it. He didn't call me whole Sunday.

53:56 Adam Another just quick one apropos to nothing, but pasteurized and homogenized.

54:04 Drew Different things, foyer and portico share.

54:07 Adam Different place in the house?

54:08 Drew Yeah, foyer is a little.

54:11 Adam That's it.

54:11 Drew Portico share, I think, is where they actually drive things through.

54:13 Adam Oh, they have to pull the car in. Pasteurized.

54:15 Drew Pasteurized is a process to take the bacteria out. It's a heating process. Homogenized is sort of mixing it up.

54:21 Adam Mixing.

54:22 Best Of Yeah.

54:25 Adam And the drape's a heavier material.

54:27 Drew Portico share car through.

54:28 Adam Homogenized and mixing.

54:30 Drew Foyer is just sort of a weight.

54:31 Adam You would homogenize something after you pasteurize it?

54:34 Drew I believe that's so.

54:35 Best Of Okay.

54:36 Adam Trish?

54:36 Caller Yeah.

54:37 Best Of Sorry, go ahead.

54:38 Caller Okay, so my friend told me to call this line and I wasn't going to and I did anyways, but he told me that because he has so many problems right now just because he's going through a lot in his unit and stuff, he told me that I shouldn't fall for this guy so quickly.

54:55 Caller I would agree.

54:56 Drew I would agree, Trish.

54:56 Adam Real quick one more time. I don't know what the caller is telling me about. I'm assuming you're doing your job. Sure. Micro.

55:05 Drew And macro.

55:06 Adam Small. Small.

55:07 Drew Big.

55:08 Adam Micro, big.

55:09 Caller Yeah.

55:10 Adam Okay, so macro, what would be big? Like a six-foot sub would be macro and finger food would be micro?

55:18 Drew Yeah, it's usually even bigger scale differences.

55:21 Adam Like an eight-foot sub?

55:22 Drew Like...

55:23 Adam Nine-foot sub?

55:24 Drew Studying... New York City would be on a macro level and studying the behavior of an ant. An ant? Oh, okay.

55:31 Adam So be smaller. Micro.

55:33 Drew Macro.

55:34 Adam Macro.

55:35 Drew Okay. So Trish, definitely, it's a month-old relationship. The guy's already giving you sort of messages about this not working. He's an alcoholic whose disease is emerging. Not the kind of situation you want to get really tightly involved with. It's certainly not one that he's giving you cues you should be getting involved with. Did you have an alcoholic father?

55:52 Caller No. And the thing is, he admits it himself. He's like, I don't want this.

55:57 Drew It doesn't have anything to do with you. It's him and his disease. Did you have a dad or mom who drank?

56:00 Caller No.

56:01 Drew Eh?

56:02 Caller No.

56:03 Drew Well, then why are you insisting on grabbing onto this relationship with both hands?

56:08 Caller Well, you know, just the fact that he admitted it, because really guys, they won't, they'll-

56:13 Drew Alright Trish, admitting it has nothing to do with anything. Don't worry about that. Alcoholics will often say that and go, and someday I'll deal with it, but right now I'm drinking. Micro-small.

56:24 Adam Okay, but, another topic. Flip-flops and Zorries.

56:29 Drew Same.

56:29 Adam Same thing.

56:30 Drew Same thing.

56:31 Adam Zorrie and a flip-flop.

56:32 Drew Same thing. Some people in this state, California, we'll call them slaps. Remember Japslaps? Remember that?

56:36 Adam Oh, another Japslaps.

56:38 Drew Japslaps.

56:38 Adam Right, right. Same.

56:40 Drew Same.

56:41 Adam In the Sandal family?

56:42 Best Of Sandals.

56:43 Adam In the family of a sandal.

56:44 Best Of Sandals.

56:45 Adam No one will call them a sandal. No one will call flip-flop sandals.

56:49 Drew Not intentionally. Just maybe reaching for a description.

56:52 Adam Do you need a heel strap to be a sandal? Not on a woman. Not on a woman.

56:56 Drew Not on a woman.

56:57 Adam But on a man. Here's what I say.

57:00 Drew Yes, I think that's true because the Romans had sandals.

57:10 Adam If a chick can wear a sandal with no heel strap and still be wearing a sandal, if a guy puts those on, he's wearing flip-flops.

57:19 Caller Yeah.

57:20 Adam Wow.

57:21 Drew Heavy. Because the woman's sandals can have a heel. Collar? Trish?

57:28 Caller Yeah.

57:29 Adam I'm sorry. Drew digressed again. Go ahead.

57:32 Caller Well, like I said, I mean, I would normal just be like whatever, but he looks like he knows that he doesn't want to go back into that. He wants to get rid of the problem and he wants us to work out.

57:45 Drew Well, so his dealing with alcoholism is him going to treatment. That's nothing to do with you. And if he's not going to treatment, he's not going to stop drinking. Very simple.

57:53 Adam Drew, just again, just quickly, is it editor-in-chief or editor-and-chief?

58:01 Drew In-chief, in-chief.

58:02 Best Of In-chief, in-chief.

58:03 Adam Because it seems like it would be editor-and-chief, you know?

58:06 Drew In-chief, yeah.

58:07 Adam In-chief.

58:08 Caller In-chief.

58:09 Drew In-chief.

58:09 Adam What does in-chief mean?

58:11 Caller Yeah.

58:11 Adam Does it mean anything? Editor-in-chief. Seems weird, doesn't it?

58:17 Drew It does.

58:18 Adam It's like he's in some sort of fabric called chief.

58:20 Drew In-chief.

58:21 Adam Editor-in-chief. You know, I think...

58:23 Drew It's sort of like in, I think it's like in-residence.

58:26 Adam Uh-huh. In-residence, because I think a lot of people say editor-in-chief sometimes, yeah. Caller?

58:32 Best Of Yeah.

58:33 Adam I'm sorry, go ahead.

58:35 Caller So, he's not like, he's, it's like he's telling me that he wants to stop before it gets even worse, because he knows...

58:42 Drew Well, but that's up to him. That has nothing to do with you. Nothing.

58:45 Caller I know, but see, that's what I'm thinking.

58:47 Adam Real quick, Drew. Inter and intra.

58:50 Drew Yeah, that's a tough one.

58:51 Adam Yeah, that's hard one to figure out.

58:53 Drew Inter is between.

58:54 Adam Intra is between.

58:55 Drew Intra is within.

58:56 Adam Within.

58:58 Drew It's an interstate.

58:59 Adam Interstate.

59:00 Drew It goes from state to state.

59:01 Adam That's state to state. Oh, that's between state to state.

59:04 Drew Yeah.

59:04 Adam Inter is between.

59:05 Drew Yeah, interstate.

59:06 Adam Intra.

59:07 Drew Within.

59:08 Adam But what about the intercontinental ballistic missiles?

59:12 Drew From continent to continent.

59:14 Adam Oh, between continent. And if it was an intracontinental ballistic missile, we'd blow ourselves up. So we couldn't.

59:21 Drew Couldn't. Couldn't do that. Wouldn't want to do that.

59:24 Adam So one's within. There's an inter and intra.

59:28 Drew Fascinating.

59:29 Adam Interesting.

59:30 Drew Trish?

59:30 Best Of Call her.

59:31 Caller Yeah.

59:32 Best Of Go ahead.

59:33 Caller Okay. So my question is, you know, here's the thing. I really, really like him. I really do. And the fact that he, he says that he, he's open with me and just telling me this, and he actually does want to work it out because he's the one that's saying this. I don't say anything. You know, I, I even told him yesterday, you know what? If it's not working out, do us both a favor. But, and he just right away, he was like, no, no, no, I, I think we can work this out. I just, you know, I have a lot of things going on right now.

59:58 Drew So we'll see. We'll see.

1:00:00 Caller My thing is, should, I mean, I don't want to get up that easily, but I mean, should I just let time pass by and see what's going on? And try to do it for you?

1:00:07 Drew What are the options? What app should be there? Well, sure, as a human being, but what options do you have? He's not calling you and that's that. What are you going to do? Fly over to wherever he is?

1:00:16 Adam Is it tough, row, road, road, tough, road, a hoe, a hoe? Now, or is it tough, row, to hoe?

1:00:28 Drew No, I don't know what the hoe refers to, but it's a road. Well, I, you know, I think it was, it basically means a head.

1:00:34 Adam A head, now that's what I thought it used to mean, but now I heard differently by the world's smartest man, too, by the way. Steve O'Donnell, head rider over Jimmy Kimmel Line.

1:00:46 Drew What did he say to this?

1:00:47 Adam It's tough, row, like a row of corn or wheat.

1:00:52 Drew To hoe?

1:00:52 Adam To hoe. It's a tough row to hoe. Chris, look that up, would you? What's going on with it? Are we still on the same call? Caller?

1:01:01 Caller Yeah.

1:01:02 Adam What's going on?

1:01:03 Caller I mean, yeah, I mean, he does call me. I think he just, I freaked out because he didn't call me this weekend and he told me he was going to come and see me. I haven't seen him in two weeks, but other than that, it's like everything's fine. When we go out, he's-

1:01:15 Drew Trish, you're 23. It's like talking to a 14-year-old. Come on.

1:01:20 Caller No, I mean, like-

1:01:21 Drew No, yes. What's going on here, girl?

1:01:23 Caller We have great company and stuff, and like, he treats me really good. He treats me with a lot of respect.

1:01:28 Drew Yeah, whatever. That's fine, but start looking realistically at your relationship here.

1:01:32 Adam Just again, I know you're not a thesaurus, but invoke and evoke.

1:01:39 Drew Evoke is to bring out. Invoke is to sort of refer, to bring in.

1:01:47 Adam Bring someone's name into a conversation.

1:01:49 Drew Invoke.

1:01:50 Adam Or could I invoke a messiah or something?

1:01:53 Drew It's like invoking a code.

1:01:57 Adam But if we were talking about something and I invoked Moses' name.

1:02:04 Caller Yes.

1:02:04 Adam And bring it into the conversation.

1:02:06 Drew Evoked would be like to bring out of something. You have to evoke something from Moses.

1:02:12 Adam Right.

1:02:12 Drew Like gas or.

1:02:14 Adam Right, right. Oh, I see. Okay. Right. Caller?

1:02:18 Caller Yeah.

1:02:18 Adam Okay. So are we cool or where are we at?

1:02:24 Caller Oh, I don't want to give. I mean, I feel like, I mean, I shouldn't waste my time. But on the other hand, like, you know what? It's a new thing. Maybe I should just like see and see what happens. Let time pass by. I mean, if everything else is so good and he's on top of everything, he's honest and he knows that he needs to do something about, he's doing something about it.

1:02:41 Drew What's he doing about it?

1:02:43 Caller I mean, he's not-

1:02:44 Drew What's he doing about it?

1:02:45 Caller Oh, he's not. How do I say?

1:02:47 Drew He's not doing anything about it. Trish, relax.

1:02:50 Caller He's not an alcoholic. I mean, he's trying to stop himself from getting to that point. But I told him-

1:02:54 Drew What's the difference? What's the difference between having a drinking problem and being an alcoholic?

1:02:58 Caller Because he's not drinking every day like he was before.

1:03:01 Drew Alcoholics don't drink every day.

1:03:03 Caller Well, it's just, you know what? He doesn't have friends.

1:03:08 Drew Whatever, Trish.

1:03:08 Adam Real quick, again, I don't know what you guys are talking about.

1:03:11 Drew I know. Don't worry.

1:03:13 Adam I've seen it written. It's confusing me. I've always pronounced it cum-ber-bun. But I see it written and it looks like cum-mer-bun.

1:03:23 Drew I think that's correct.

1:03:23 Adam It's cum-mer-bun.

1:03:24 Drew There's no cum-ber.

1:03:25 Adam No cum-ber-bun. I think a lot of people say cum-mer-bun.

1:03:27 Drew I think you're right. I think you're right.

1:03:28 Adam Cum-ber-bun.

1:03:29 Drew What else gives us the history of that one, Chris?

1:03:31 Adam Cum-ber-bun.

1:03:32 Drew Cum-mer-bun.

1:03:33 Adam Cum-mer-bun. Cum-mer-bun seems very gay. Very gay.

1:03:37 Drew There's no B in it?

1:03:38 Adam No B, yeah. Yeah, you would say cum-ber-bun. But it's cum-mer-bun.

1:03:43 Drew Go check out what that means. There's a website that shows the sort of historical... Let's go into the call.

1:03:48 Adam We done with the caller?

1:03:49 Drew I think so.

1:03:50 Adam Caller?

1:03:50 Caller Yeah.

1:03:51 Adam Okay, so we're cool or?

1:03:53 Caller Yeah, we're cool.

1:03:54 Adam Okay, you're satisfied?

1:03:56 Drew Yeah.

1:03:57 Adam Drew talked to you about stuff?

1:03:58 Drew She's not listening anyway, so it doesn't really matter.

1:04:01 Adam What did you say?

1:04:02 Drew It doesn't matter.

1:04:03 Adam Okay. Caller?

1:04:04 Caller Yeah.

1:04:05 Adam All right. Semper Fi.

1:04:07 Caller Okay, thanks.

1:04:08 Adam Carry on.

1:04:09 Caller Okay, bye.

1:04:09 Caller All right.

1:04:11 Adam Well, I hope that went well. I've learned all kinds of things during that call.

1:04:15 Drew Good Tristan.

1:04:19 Caller Heath?

1:04:20 Caller Hey, how's it going guys?

1:04:22 Adam 26?

1:04:23 Caller Yep.

1:04:24 Adam What's up?

1:04:25 Caller Well, I don't know. I've been married for going on five years this year. It just seems like every day gets a little bit worse in my marriage. We keep drifting farther and farther apart here recently. I don't know. I guess I just needed some advice or just to make sure I'm not delusional here. I just feel like I'm in a sense losing my wife because I turned on my digital camera the other day. She's been taking pictures of herself, which she's not the type that likes to take pictures of herself. She came with Dan. When I pull out the camera and take pictures of the kids, she'll run off to another one.

1:05:04 Adam He thinks he's been sending. She's been sending these pictures over the Internet.

1:05:08 Caller You know, that's what she's been doing. Well, the other thing is, is that, you know, on the Internet, you know, you can always erase, you know, your history of what website you've been to.

1:05:20 Adam Yeah, I can't. My wife finds all the big and busty novelty sites.

1:05:25 Drew She does not.

1:05:26 Adam She has.

1:05:27 Caller We've never done that, but now she has been.

1:05:30 Adam Uh-oh, oh, you know when they've been erasing stuff?

1:05:35 Caller Yeah.

1:05:36 Drew Those are things missing, I guess.

1:05:37 Caller Oh, okay. I even went through and, I mean, I'm sure, you know, Dr. Drew will understand what I'm talking about. I went through my C drive and I checked my cookies. And, uh, she, I, you know, it tells you all the websites you've been through because, you know, it saves it onto your C drive. And she'd been to like tarot reading websites and just a bunch of other different websites.

1:05:57 Adam Tarot readings?

1:05:58 Caller Yeah.

1:05:59 Adam All right. All right. Well, so is Drew's wife. Well, let's be, uh, let's figure this out. The pictures, this is very telling. The picture, she obviously set the camera on the mantle piece, put the timer on it or something, took a picture of herself that way or just held it out in front of her?

1:06:14 Caller She just held it out in front of her. And the thing was is that I asked her about it.

1:06:18 Adam Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Was, how did she look? Was she dolled up at all?

1:06:23 Drew Was it provocative or anything? Yeah.

1:06:25 Adam No, no. But was she wearing makeup? Was her hair done?

1:06:29 Caller No, no. She was just a normal headshot picture. Like an everyday, just an everyday round the house type picture.

1:06:37 Adam Now hold on, let me talk to Drew for a second. It seems like if you're trying to pull something off this way, you at least put a little lipstick on.

1:06:45 Drew On the other hand, it just could be some pal on the web that she's been talking to. Yeah, it does. And she's not trying to get in too deep.

1:06:51 Adam Because of a woman is, let's just hypothetically say, the woman has met the guy on the internet and they're corresponding and the guy said, I'd like to see a picture of you.

1:07:00 Drew She put it on.

1:07:02 Adam On comes the blush in the kissing potion, yes? I put that on for even coming to the station, even if I don't have a guess.

1:07:09 Drew I noticed.

1:07:10 Adam My lips are very kissably soft and I... Heath?

1:07:14 Drew Yeah. So you put that on your nipples too.

1:07:16 Adam So they're sensitive. Did she... so she didn't... you didn't catch anything from her that way. It shouldn't look like she was dolled up.

1:07:22 Caller No, not at all. And I asked her about it, you know, just out of curiosity. And she had said that her and our son was, you know, playing around with the camera, taking pictures of each other. Well, you know, she doesn't, I don't think, know how to exactly erase everything, because obviously if that was the case, she would erase them. And our son is the type that would be the first one to say, take a picture of me, take a picture of me. And there was no pictures anywhere of him in anything.

1:07:49 Drew All right. What do you mean you're... what do you mean you feel like you're losing your wife? What was that all about?

1:07:53 Caller Well, I mean, I just... I feel like, you know, because, you know, here's the thing. For the past seven months, I've been working on my own. I started up my own small company. And, you know, for the first couple of months, every day I walk in the door, she'd be the first one to come and give me a hug, kiss me, ask me how my day was. And it just seems like every day, you know, she doesn't ask me, she just, you know, just doesn't even really talk to me when I first...

1:08:17 Drew She's burning out and she's sort of protecting herself. Why don't you make an effort to bring it back in? Take her out on Friday and Saturday night, spend a weekend away with her, put the kids with somebody else for a little while. You got to... Listen, relationships have to be cared for. She may be just dealing. That may be just her way of sort of hunkering down to get ready to keep dealing with you not being around.

1:08:37 Adam Drew looks at a relationship like a flower, like a rose plant.

1:08:42 Caller Absolutely.

1:08:43 Drew Orchid.

1:08:43 Adam I think it's more of a gava cactus.

1:08:46 Caller Well, see, and here's the thing...

1:08:47 Adam Just leave it alone. Try to keep the birds off it.

1:08:50 Caller See, here's the thing. I mean, I'm the...

1:08:51 Adam A lot of things keep the squirrels away.

1:08:53 Caller I'm the first one that wants to go out on the weekends. I want to go to the movies. She doesn't want to do anything. She doesn't want to have a babysitter. She doesn't want to do that kind of thing. All right.

1:09:03 Drew Well, here's...

1:09:03 Caller All right.

1:09:04 Drew Are you guys having sex normally?

1:09:06 Caller No. I mean, it's very seldom anymore.

1:09:09 Adam All right. Heath, let me...

1:09:11 Best Of As you know, I'm a genius.

1:09:12 Adam And by the way, I'm all rested up from the last call.

1:09:15 Caller I know you are. I know you are.

1:09:16 Adam Thank you. Now, did you guys meet early? Did you start dating in high school?

1:09:22 Caller No, we actually met about six and a half years ago, and then we got married about a year and a half after that.

1:09:29 Adam OK. So even at 20... You met when you were 18 or 19 or 19 or 20?

1:09:35 Caller I was 19. She was 23.

1:09:38 Adam Ooh, a little bit older. Yeah, she was 29. Had she had any divorces or any prior history of, you know, leaving anyone at an altar and getting out of something?

1:09:51 Caller No, I mean, no, she was engaged once and then they broke it off.

1:09:56 Adam Did she break it off?

1:09:58 Caller I think it was more of a mutual thing. They just kind of fell away from each other. That was the thing. They both were, you know, just...

1:10:06 Adam All right, hold on. Let me just say this, everybody, in terms of your relationships, and it's really in terms of everything. I mean, half, we've just brought this up last week, patterns. Yeah, most people I know who are now getting divorced, their parents got divorced about the same age, you know, stuff about the same age as your parents, as your fathers, your mother, just have these patterns. Well, why not? Why wouldn't you? You're human. Yeah, there's, and I know we're all individuals and we can all do whatever we want. There's way too many of us for God to ever let that happen. You know what I mean? Of course, there's just going to be certain predictable patterns. There has to be.

1:10:43 Drew Well, here's what would seal the deal on this one. If her mom had like four husbands or something.

1:10:47 Adam Right. As it is, if you want to know, put it this way, this is people and here's something interesting. I think this is when people are younger. As they get older, they're able to calm down. A little of the gas is taken out of their F'ed up tank and they just don't have quite the charge on their batteries for the mayhem and the mischief and the repetition.

1:11:11 Drew But basically, if you want to know, if somebody's in their 20s or even early 30s and you want to know how your relationship with them is going to turn out, just find out how the last one was.

1:11:18 Adam See how the last one was or the one before that. If you're hooked up with somebody who's cheating on their person.

1:11:24 Drew Expect cheating.

1:11:25 Adam Expect cheating at some stage. Now, if their husband is 52 and they're 41 and something happens, you can get married to them and know this guy. If they're 20, 24, expect some cheating in the next few years.

1:11:39 Drew Basically, there's a shift about every two decades. Right. So, what's her family of origin situation?

1:11:45 Caller Well, her mother has only been married once and since then has found a new boyfriend. But no, it was about a year after they broke it off because her son was about a year old when we first met.

1:12:28 Drew She broke it off while she was pregnant?

1:12:31 Caller No, no, they just gave birth. Well, whenever she had the her their son, they were splitting up then and then she moved back in with her mom about I think it was like a month or two after he was born.

1:12:45 Adam And you guys have a few you guys have a few kids?

1:12:49 Caller Well, we have one together now, so we have two total.

1:12:52 Adam Alright, I think you need to have a serious sit down with the old lady and say, look, I feel things coming undone, coming unglued here.

1:13:04 Drew I want to try to make it work.

1:13:05 Adam Let's nip this, the part where it's coming unglued in the bud here.

1:13:09 Drew Do not want to be like dad, do not want to make the mistakes he made, do not want to put our daughter through what you went through with your dad.

1:13:16 Adam You got one kid with one guy who's not on the scene anymore. Do you want the next kid with another guy who's not going to be on the scene anymore? Let's try to focus.

1:13:26 Drew Let's try.

1:13:26 Adam Let's rally around the kid. Let's get a little help.

1:13:29 Drew Some couples work here.

1:13:30 Adam There we go.

1:13:31 Drew If she really won't cooperate, get some professional help. Seriously, you owe your kids this.

1:13:34 Adam We'll take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:13:49 Drew National Highway Traffic Safety Administration wants to remind you to designate before you celebrate.

1:14:05 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

1:14:07 Caller I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew.

1:14:09 Adam Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Clint, who doesn't have a... Well, look, everyone says they have a shattered pelvis. Anyone who gets their pelvis gets injured, so it's shattered.

1:14:20 Drew Yeah, let's hear what it actually is. I think it's an acetabular fracture.

1:14:25 Adam Clint?

1:14:26 Drew Then what kind of fracture is this?

1:14:28 Caller Acetabular, it's a complex.

1:14:30 Drew All right, so it's not a shattered pelvis, it's an acetabular fracture. It's what you get when you straight your feet out when a car accident, it pushes your femur back into your pelvis.

1:14:38 Adam What happened with the car accident?

1:14:40 Caller The old story, heroin junkie steals a car, runs from the cops, runs into me.

1:14:45 Drew Oh my God.

1:14:46 Adam Were you wearing a seatbelt?

1:14:48 Caller Yeah.

1:14:49 Adam Do you have airbags?

1:14:50 Caller Yes.

1:14:51 Adam What kind of car were you driving?

1:14:53 Caller The classic 96 Subaru Legacy.

1:14:57 Drew Was the guy going fast?

1:14:59 Caller I was probably going about 70, he was probably about 85.

1:15:03 Adam Wow. Did he go in the same direction?

1:15:06 Caller No. He was coming at me and I swerved at the last second. He lost control of his car and came into my lane.

1:15:12 Adam So he sort of clipped you?

1:15:14 Caller Yeah. Wow.

1:15:15 Adam Did the cops get that wheel out that they push along the skid marks? I like that wheel.

1:15:20 Caller You know, I don't really remember.

1:15:22 Drew That's for fatal accidents and stuff.

1:15:24 Adam No, no, no. They get that wheel. They want to see how long the skid mark was. A little clicker wheel.

1:15:28 Drew Measuring it out.

1:15:29 Adam Yeah. Realtors use it once in a while. Some guys who do industrial carpet. Okay. You know, you've arrived when you have that stick with the wheel.

1:15:35 Drew I did that around my house. I was impressed.

1:15:36 Adam Oh, yeah. You know, you've arrived when you have the one with the big wheel. Oh. Oh. Clint.

1:15:42 Drew I want that.

1:15:43 Adam How can we help you tonight?

1:15:45 Caller Well, you know, I had a lot of internal bleeding and my testicles and other parts swelled up very large when the blood started to settle.

1:15:53 Adam Yeah.

1:15:54 Drew So that's not so much from the, that's not from the acetabular fracture so much as you had some bleeding in your pelvis.

1:15:59 Caller Right.

1:16:00 Drew Wow. Was it a bladder injury or something? What happened?

1:16:02 Caller Lacerated kidney. You know.

1:16:04 Drew Oh, okay.

1:16:05 Caller Broken ribs and all that.

1:16:06 Drew That's right. Did they have to remove the kidney or is it okay?

1:16:09 Caller Oh, it's okay.

1:16:10 Drew Oh, my goodness.

1:16:11 Adam Well, what do they do when your kidney gets lacerated?

1:16:13 Drew They either leave it alone or they take it out.

1:16:15 Adam But they don't fix it?

1:16:16 Drew They can fix it sometimes.

1:16:17 Adam Well, if it's lacerated, don't they almost have to fix it? Will it fix itself? If it is punctured or scraped?

1:16:25 Drew You know, that is not my area of expertise. I'd imagine there's some times when it could repair itself.

1:16:31 Adam Wow. And so this guy was running from the man, huh?

1:16:34 Caller Yeah.

1:16:35 Adam Are you suing the police force or anything good like that?

1:16:40 Caller No, I've looked into it. I feel really bad about suing people, so I generally try to stay out of that.

1:16:47 Drew What happened to the heroin guy?

1:16:49 Caller It's getting blood out of a turnip. He doesn't have anything, so...

1:16:53 Adam How about his injuries?

1:16:55 Caller He's fine. Nothing happened to him.

1:16:57 Adam Nothing ever happens to those guys. Or maybe it's the way it always seems. Man, when one dies, who cares?

1:17:02 Best Of You know what I mean?

1:17:04 Adam All right, but...

1:17:05 Drew We used to call it the law of inverse worth at the hospital.

1:17:07 Best Of Yeah, gangbanger.

1:17:09 Adam He's fine.

1:17:10 Drew Right.

1:17:11 Adam Yeah. And the kid who's graduating and going to Harvard next month, then he's on his prom night and stuff. Straight bullet takes him out. Yeah. But it's also inferior genes, too.

1:17:24 Drew No, Adam.

1:17:24 Adam Yeah.

1:17:25 Drew Because everything happens for a reason.

1:17:26 Adam Oh, I believe everything happens for a reason, Clint. Sorry about your pelvis being shattered, but I do believe that that happened for a reason.

1:17:33 Caller As a tabular fracture, Adam.

1:17:34 Drew Come on.

1:17:35 Adam As a tabular fracture, right. All right. So, Drew, what should he do?

1:17:39 Drew He's just reporting that to us. All right. Maybe we'll get better.

1:17:42 Adam Hey, Clint, were the cops pursuing... the cops were pursuing this guy? Yeah. And, you know, we have that out here in Los Angeles. No one wants the cops to chase the guys. I would like them to either chase them and just pounce on them immediately or leave them alone. But what they've they've... Here's what we have in this.

1:18:03 Drew You see the one today, the guy had two kids in his eyes when he popped out of the car, two infants. Did you see this?

1:18:09 Adam All right. Now, I'm not I've been wrong a few times, a few times. Oh, but I know in my heart of hearts, I'm not wrong this time. Jewish or Asian?

1:18:20 Caller Come on.

1:18:22 Adam Come on.

1:18:22 Drew I'm not going to tell you.

1:18:23 Adam Tell me this guy wasn't a GIO.

1:18:25 Drew I don't want you to be right.

1:18:28 Adam I know when I when I said this just sounds like the work of a GIO running from the cops, got the kids in the car.

1:18:35 Drew Then they tased the guy, still took five guys to bring him down.

1:18:38 Adam Well, now we're definitely talking about a GIO. Yeah, I know. Had a pager on him. He's got the stuff over his shoulder. Yeah, here's the thing. We the cops need to just start shooting away or not chase at all. What they do now is they just pursue until the guy runs out of gas after he trans, you know, after he surfed canvases the entire city.

1:19:05 Drew Yeah, nearly kills 400 people.

1:19:08 Adam I had a guy, I know I've told this before, I had a guy go up my street when I used to live over on Beachwood Canyon. I went up Beachwood Canyon, guy drove all the way through Beachwood Canyon, guy came down Beachwood Canyon, guy came out. Now, here's the thing, when you go up Beachwood Canyon, there's really only one way that lets you out.

1:19:26 Drew Same way you came back in, right?

1:19:27 Adam Yeah, just park a car there sideways and that's the end of the chase. But he came down and he drove all the way through. Now, he started in Hollywood and drove all the way through Hollywood, then he went up, saw the Hollywood sign, then turned back around and went back down again.

1:19:40 Drew It looks like San Diego or something.

1:19:42 Adam No, he hopped on the freeway and he went through like Griffith Park and Travel Town and the Five Freeway and all that kind of stuff. And then he got back up and he headed for the West Valley. And he drove it, finally ended up abandoning his car somewhere in like Canoga Park, like Devonshire and Roscoe or something, jumped out of the car, ran through some like old folks home and they tackled some guys back here. It was like three hours and it covered like 180 miles. Along the way, could have ran your kid over a thousand times. He was up top at Beachwood there, let's park a car and go ahead and have an hour.

1:20:16 Drew I was on Scarborough tonight, he was asking, why does this happen? First of all, they get no punishment for this stuff. And secondly, I think in the days of your, they just go pow, pow, yeah, you're going to hurt somebody.

1:20:26 Adam No, and cops are so, the lawyers have created such an environment that everyone's scared to do anything, so all we do is nothing, which is obviously worse. You just ride behind him 75 feet and just watch him run over people and drive up on the sidewalk. It's awesome.

1:20:45 Caller Lily?

1:20:47 Drew Yeah.

1:20:47 Adam By the way, he'll sue you if you put a few slugs in his tire and the car spins out of control, rolls over. His family will sue you. The guy who stole the car.

1:20:58 Drew Crazy.

1:20:58 Adam That's the beauty of it. Good, Lily.

1:21:01 Caller Hello. My girlfriend won't have sex with me anymore. And the only thing I can really correlate it to is the fact that I've, over the course of the year, lost a bunch of weight. And I guess she's feeling insecure.

1:21:13 Drew No, no. How long have you been in this relationship?

1:21:16 Caller Three years. A little over three years.

1:21:18 Adam You lost a bunch of weight and she's feeling insecure?

1:21:21 Drew Nonsense. Hey, Lily, one of the things that, one of the, one of the...

1:21:24 Adam You don't think people want to have sex with people that look better than them naked? That's, that's everyone's goal.

1:21:30 Caller I mean, we used to like almost every day go at it, you know, in living room, with the lights on, in the pool hall, bathroom, everywhere. And now it's like, if we have sex at all, it's in the bedroom, under the blanket, with the lights off. And half the time, she doesn't even get completely naked.

1:21:45 Drew Is she on medication?

1:21:47 Caller No.

1:21:48 Drew Is there anything else going on in her life or your life?

1:21:51 Caller She's having a lot of stress at work just because of fear, fear kind of crap that's happening with the office manager and the boss speaking together and she's catching flack. But I mean, that just recently started, like within the last month and we've been sort of slowing down sex over the last.

1:22:12 Drew Well, I don't know that this has been documented anywhere. And it's certainly not true of all lesbian relationships. But I've had several lesbian friends tell me that one of the well-kept secrets amongst lesbian relationships is that it's very common for them to stop having sex after about six to 12 months. Some continue, but many just stop. And that's a very, very common thing in lesbian relationships.

1:22:34 Adam Well, it's a direction that a fair amount of women want to go in a heterosexual relationship. They get married. They have few kids. They settle in. And they just, you know, it's time to spoon. Spoon to the grave, really what it is.

1:22:49 Drew Spoon until.

1:22:50 Adam Wife had one of those made up needle points. She put it over her bed.

1:22:53 Drew That's nice.

1:22:54 Adam Spoon to the grave.

1:22:54 Drew Spoon unto death. Here is yours says.

1:22:56 Adam Yeah, it's a, oh, let's see. Spoon a diem. But what the.

1:23:03 Drew Spoon a diem.

1:23:07 Adam It's a Latin thing.

1:23:08 Drew Spoonotum.

1:23:08 Adam It's corpus. It's a spunus corpus. Spunus corpus diem. Today we spoon, tomorrow we're death. I think it's roughly how it translates.

1:23:19 Drew Yes. Yes.

1:23:19 Adam Translate. Yeah. It's a nice needle point.

1:23:21 Best Of You want to make you one?

1:23:22 Drew That's what I want. The sunshine of mine, though.

1:23:25 Adam OK. With the sun.

1:23:25 Drew A little flower.

1:23:26 Best Of OK.

1:23:27 Adam Spoon a corpus diem. The. All right. What are we talking about? Oh, well, we have an expert here on lesbianism. What's going on? Is that you have Michelle and here's Michelle.

1:23:41 Caller You heard that the last year lesbian yourself.

1:23:43 Adam You have lesbian friends.

1:23:45 Caller Yeah, I hear that a lot.

1:23:46 Drew Yeah, it happens.

1:23:48 Caller Yeah, a lot of straight friends to a straight, a head of sexual couples as well, married couples.

1:23:52 Caller Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

1:23:54 Drew How dare you? That's my delicate sensibility.

1:23:57 Caller But you have to spice it up, do different things.

1:23:59 Adam Yeah.

1:23:59 Caller Well, I mean, we've had been doing different things and she'd never had any complaints. And I mean, she was always very comfortable at asking me to try new things and do new things.

1:24:11 Adam All right, let me float a few ideas. One of the reasons this may happen, Drew, is oftentimes in a relationship, in a lesbian relationship, hold your air, Michelle, one of them was some sort of past victim of something. So they get into that sort of hypersexuality thing and then they get the sort of shut down phase. So you guys meet, you're going at it everywhere early and often. And now, she's shut down.

1:24:38 Drew Which is kind of, which is a sign that you're actually more intimate. People that are trauma survivors can be sexual with people that they feel sort of negative with. But when they feel actually genuinely vulnerable and intimate, they can't show the sexual side of themselves.

1:24:49 Adam Any, any trauma, any past trauma on her side?

1:24:54 Caller No, I mean, not that I can tell. She has wonderful parents who are very supportive. And you know, just she just finished school and they put her through school.

1:25:02 Adam And she's just what you call a biological lesbian.

1:25:05 Drew No, she never asked her.

1:25:07 Adam He never asked.

1:25:08 Drew Could have been a neighbor or an uncle.

1:25:09 Caller Well, no, I mean, because I was raped when I was 12 years old and we talked about that.

1:25:13 Adam Oh, well, that's on your side.

1:25:15 Caller You know, you know, she's like, you know, I've never been through any of that. If you ever need to talk, blah, blah, blah.

1:25:20 Adam And I mean, all right.

1:25:23 Best Of OK, all right.

1:25:24 Adam So you're you know, well, this is as long as I'm right, just as long as there's a lesbian couple, one of them was victimized in their past. That's all I care about. That's all you need. All right. So thank Christ. You were right. I know that came out the wrong way. Police taking the spirit in which it was intended.

1:25:38 Drew But phew.

1:25:39 Adam So all right. So Lily, you've lost weight. Is she a big girl?

1:25:44 Caller She is, but I find that attractive.

1:25:46 Adam What is she coming? What's she coming in at?

1:25:49 Caller She's 5'7. She's coming in right around 200.

1:25:52 Adam And I'm not big by our love line standards. And you used to be a bigger girl and then you lost some weight.

1:26:01 Caller Well, when we got together, I was actually about the same weight and size as I am now. But over the course of the relationship, you know, we get comfortable. I'm a chef. And so I cook and just being comfortable with someone, you kind of start to let things slip after about the first year. And I did. I got back to where I started. And all of a sudden, you know, I mean, it has been like the last year.

1:26:22 Drew Hey, Lily, I would suggest you drop that theory. That little or nothing to do with this.

1:26:26 Adam The weight fluctuation, you were this way, then you got heavy, then you came back to this way. Who cares? Yeah. Yeah. She's probably going through it. There's a couple of things.

1:26:35 Drew Something's up with her.

1:26:36 Adam Something's going on with her and you need to talk to her. What could be going on with her is just her sort of cadence. She could just be a 22 year old chick who wants to get it on twice a month and that's it.

1:26:45 Drew Or maybe the relationship's winding down. She doesn't want to look at that.

1:26:48 Adam Or maybe she's stressed out, like you said, she's stressed out or depressed at work or whatever and is closing down.

1:26:53 Drew To speculate is useless. You need to find, you need to talk to her.

1:26:56 Adam Lily is a horny, I bet she's not straight. You know what I mean? She likes to cook, she likes to get it on with the lights on. I imagine finding a chick that's really into cooking. What happened to chicks that they're sewing and they're cooking? Here's the thing, let me tell you something, Drew. Let me tell you what, let me tell you something, Drew pointed out that she was a couple of bells, forgot about that, but still, alright, so we shut the light off, here's the thing, women used to cook and they used to sew, they used to do things like that, they used to mend things, put buttons on stuff, fix things and do stuff like that, and then somebody told them in like 1968, hey man, you don't have to cater to the man anymore, you don't have to cook anymore, you don't have to sew anymore, you don't have to mend anything, you don't have to do any of that crap anymore, you don't have to mend, you're not a whitey slave, and they went, yeah, that's right, screw you, and they took all their sewing machines and their bras and their spatulas, they threw them all in the river. The only problem is, they didn't replace it with anything. Now, it's a big zero. Now all they do is not make any money and not cook and not sell.

1:28:13 Caller Fantastic. Perfect.

1:28:16 Adam What a time to get married. Excellent. It's beautiful. That's like, hey, hey, buddy, I ain't your slave, I don't cook.

1:28:24 Caller Yeah, the idea, you gotta make money. Now you have to make money. You make no money and don't do anything now. You understand? Hey, you know what? I'm gonna do the same thing. Hey man, I'm not your slave, I'm not going to work. I'm not cooking.

1:28:40 Adam I'm not showing.

1:28:41 Caller Yeah, we're not eating.

1:28:44 Adam What is that, Drew? What happened?

1:28:46 Caller Listen, here's the thing, ladies.

1:28:49 Adam You don't have to learn to cook. You don't have to learn to sew. You don't have to be anyone's maid. You don't have to be anyone's seamstress. You don't have to be anyone's chef. You don't have to be anyone's name.

1:28:56 Caller If they're doing, but you have to make money or go back to the cooking. They just eliminated all the craft they didn't want to do and they never replaced it with any of the stuff we wanted them to do. Yes, make 150 grand a year, we'll get someone to cook.

1:29:14 Adam All right.

1:29:15 Drew We have kids.

1:29:15 Caller Wait till you have kids.

1:29:17 Drew Wait till you have kids.

1:29:19 Adam All right.

1:29:19 Drew Then you'll appreciate things a little bit more.

1:29:22 Caller Or it's going to get worse.

1:29:24 Adam We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

1:29:31 Caller We'll be right back.

1:29:32 Adam Please hold.

1:29:48 Caller Yeah, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew in New York City.

1:29:54 Drew Yes, I'm in New York City, and the clearest thing I've ever heard Chris say was when he rang in on my behalf about what I was doing in New York to pick up because someone dropped a nickel. I've never heard him string so many words together before on the radio. I was shocked, appalled, delighted, happy for him.

1:30:12 Adam Yeah, well, I know you must have mixed feelings about it. The thing about engineer Chris, we've been here for a couple of years, and he's basically like if he was a dog and you said, look what I taught my dog to do. Watch him, watch him, watch him. Whatever his command, he'll start talking and the dog just start humping the guy's legs.

1:30:31 Drew I'm used to it, whatever.

1:30:33 Adam Well, you just said that like two minutes before, you know, like, I know, but we've heard this a few times and it doesn't normally work out, but I was delighted tonight that you knew exactly why. Chris turned Chris up and appalled. And we'll just try it one more time very quickly. And Dr. Drew is in New York. Why engineer Chris?

1:30:53 Caller Somebody dropped a nickel.

1:30:55 Caller Chris, turn Chris up.

1:30:57 Adam Excellent.

1:30:58 Drew Chris turned Chris up. All right.

1:31:01 Adam Chris, turn yourself up. All right. Now turn yourself down. I know we said we're going to talk to you about a condom call, but now I want to talk to Crystal, who's 19. Crystal?

1:31:12 Caller Yeah.

1:31:13 Adam Crystal wants to get into a three-way relationship with boyfriend, both are bi.

1:31:18 Caller Yeah.

1:31:19 Adam Your boyfriend is bi as well.

1:31:22 Caller Right.

1:31:23 Adam Mm-hmm.

1:31:24 Drew And you want to bring a third person into the bedroom with you too?

1:31:27 Caller Right.

1:31:28 Drew What kind of person? What gender of person?

1:31:30 Caller It really doesn't matter because we're both interested in both parties. It doesn't matter.

1:31:35 Adam What, what, well, nothing is, you know, nothing usually doesn't really matter. I mean, I know that sound a little bumpy. But what I mean is, is even if it's 60, 40, your boyfriend probably has a preference. Which is it?

1:31:50 Caller Um, probably girl.

1:31:54 Drew And same for you. You probably have a slight preference.

1:31:56 Adam Hold on. Shocking.

1:31:57 Drew Amazing.

1:31:58 Caller Yeah, girl.

1:31:59 Drew Girl. All right. So there you go. So really, is it maybe, is this just a, first of all, it's a great way to sabotage a relationship. Yeah. Secondly, it makes me wonder if it, what?

1:32:09 Caller That's what he said. Cause he listens to you all the time. And he said.

1:32:11 Drew Okay.

1:32:12 Adam Well, but when you're both bi, it's a great way to sabotage a relationship.

1:32:16 Drew Just being bi. Yeah.

1:32:17 Adam By the way, I speaking of bi, bi, bi, bi, the way I like this ploy. You know, I'm going to try this one.

1:32:24 Drew Oh, you start out, you start out announcing you're bi. Yeah.

1:32:27 Adam Like I'm bi. You're bi. Oh, we're both bi. All right. We should bring somebody into the bedroom. What guy or girl? It doesn't matter to me. Let's just start with a girl and see how it goes. And then like 22 chicks later.

1:32:42 Caller I'm bi.

1:32:43 Drew Great strategy.

1:32:44 Caller I'm bi.

1:32:45 Adam Maybe we should bring a 23rd chick. No, no, no. We could bring some shlong in. That'd be cool. But I'm just saying I'm bi. Maybe we're gonna get chicken.

1:32:52 Drew The guy's gonna get threesome. And for her, and you could put it back on her too. I know you're bi too. Well, the shlong's here with me and I want you to be happy and be able to act out your biness.

1:33:01 Best Of You're just banging chicks.

1:33:04 Drew It's a ridiculous thing. But I have to wonder for some reason when you just, again, I'm just sort of responding to you. What's her name?

1:33:10 Best Of Her name is Crystal.

1:33:11 Drew Crystal. That's probably what I'm responding to, I think, by the way. You sure you're not lesbian? And this is just sort of a safe way to do that?

1:33:18 Caller Oh, no, no, definitely not.

1:33:20 Drew I just enjoy it more.

1:33:22 Caller I dare you.

1:33:23 Adam All right, well, look, here's the deal, Crystal. You're bi, he's bi. Both of you probably were hit by your stepdad or something happened to you. That's fine. There's chaos all over the place. Do whatever you want. Have your fun.

1:33:41 Drew You realize this relationship won't last. They may be announcing that, but you've announced that by saying we're bi. Therefore, it's the bi to this relationship so we can act out with other people.

1:33:50 Adam Right. So here's the deal. Don't get pregnant and then say bye bye sometime around August or September. But here's the other deal. If you guys are in fact serious about this relationship, then A, no third person and B, no proclamation that you're bi anymore. You're not bi, you're with this person and you're into whatever they are.

1:34:12 Caller Right. Thank you.

1:34:12 Drew And if it happens to be a guy and you're a girl, you're now heterosexual for the time being.

1:34:15 Adam That's right.

1:34:16 Caller All right.

1:34:16 Adam We will take ourselves a little break. It's like when I announce I'm a rambling man to my wife every other day.

1:34:22 Drew She must love that.

1:34:22 Adam That's an excuse. We'll take a little break. We'll be right back after this. Well, there you go.

1:35:01 Caller The best of Loveline.

1:35:02 Drew That was good.

1:35:03 Adam Good, better than good, pretty good. Kind of good.

1:35:09 Drew That's better than good.

1:35:10 Adam Yes, so until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:35:17 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:35:21 Best Of The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold.

1:35:31 Adam Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, September 1, 2005