Episode 1000724338143

0:58 Love Line with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. Hey, everybody.

1:02 Adam It's the Best Of Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That's Dr. Drew. Hopefully, neither one of us are here because it's the Best Of. And we're all winners when we do the Best Of. We get to stay home. For me, I get to stare at the TiVo and get drunk. For Drew, he gets to follow his kids around and live his life vicariously. From the eyes of three young, beautiful triplets. So, and you guys get the Best Of Loveline. So, without any further ado, here it is, Best Of Loveline.

1:36 Yeah.

1:39 Adam This radio man, get it on. Hey, Drew.

1:44 Drew Yeah, Adam.

1:44 Adam You know what I'm this close to doing, brother?

1:47 Drew Will, watch out.

1:48 Adam Watch out.

1:48 Drew He will drop trow.

1:49 Adam I will drop trow.

1:50 Drew He's wild. He'll drop trow. Don't let him. He'll do it.

1:52 Drop, drop, drop. No, don't do it.

1:55 Adam 931. 31 after 9 o'clock. Will Sassone's studio tonight. Funny, funny man, man.

2:03 Caller Thank you.

2:06 Adam What? You want me to drop trow? I'll drop trow.

2:09 Drew Ace, I don't want to drop trow, but I know you will.

2:11 Adam Ma'am, ma'am.

2:12 Drew Watch out, Will.

2:13 Adam He will drop trow. I will drop trow.

2:15 Drew We'll watch it. He's wild.

2:16 He will do it.

2:19 Adam I like the morning DJ gets a little out of hand. I will drop trow, I will lube up my joint, I'll put it in your ear, and I will reach climax. 829.29. The homoerotic DJ that crosses the line every once in a while, he does it quickly and he gives a timeout every time, right when he gets to that point where he's going to get fired.

2:45 Drew Right. Right. Or the traffic.

2:47 Adam Let me tell you how I like to get pre-miserable. I like to start thinking about what I have to do Monday on Friday.

2:54 Drew I think you were talking about when the Super Bowl ends.

2:56 Oh, no.

2:58 Adam Why did you bring that up?

2:59 Drew The day after the Super Bowl.

3:00 Adam Oh, it's weird.

3:01 No hockey, we got to watch basketball.

3:03 Adam It's such a letdown. It's like that feeling that as the Super Bowl party is breaking up, it's really bad when it's a bad game and it's sort of over in the midway through the third quarter and it's like you already start to put you someone you see the chicks are busting the chips already like things are and it's like this is it.

3:21 Last year with Carolina with it as an expansion team it just doesn't even feel like a real Super Bowl.

3:25 Adam No, right.

3:26 What is that? You already get bummed.

3:28 Adam That's another thing. Yeah, you want you want it to be, you know, Dallas Pittsburgh sort of thing. You don't want to be a couple of guys here. Oh, well, the guys were in the the fusion, the magenta, the teal guys in the cobalt. Yeah. And then the guy with just a black fist on their helmet. Yeah. That team screw whitey. Those guys like what? This looks like Canadians at best. Maybe Arena League stuff.

3:54 Drew It does look like Arena Football.

3:56 Adam What's with the teal? And here's what I'm sure they did. They talked to a bunch of retarded 15-year-olds and said, what's your favorite kind of teal? And they're like, all right, let's make every expansion team.

4:07 Drew Well, they're trying to do it like the NBA did basically. Make everything teal.

4:11 I heard a fashion, some fashion dude or something covering, they're doing a sports thing about uniforms, best and worst uniforms. And this guy stuck up for Jacksonville Jaguars uniforms, which are some of the ugliest. Right. They're ridiculous. And he said in 10, 15 years, we're going to look back and they're going to be classic.

4:26 Adam No. Here's what I think you do, especially when you enter the league, when you're an expansion team, instead of going, hey, everyone, look at me, I'm new, I'm bold, I'm an arena team. You should go old school. You should do a sort of a Coltsy kind of thing, just two colors, white, and that way you sort of slip in under the radar. It's like, you know what it's like?

4:48 Drew No, I think it's like leather helmets.

4:50 Adam That's that.

4:51 I was going to.

4:52 Adam I wrote that. See, that's what's that word. You actually go back.

4:56 Drew Yes, all the way back. No face guards, leather helmets and all white guys. Yeah.

4:59 Adam Undersized, no, fat white guys.

5:01 Drew You have gone too far. Forget it.

5:03 Adam I don't care if you're competitive. I mean, old school.

5:06 Art Donovan. Bring him back.

5:08 Adam Art Donovan, high top black cleats and no face mask.

5:12 Drew Jerry Kramer.

5:13 Adam That's right.

5:13 If I ever had a franchise, they'd be purple and brown. That would those would be the colors. Just the two colors that don't go together.

5:19 Adam Yeah, they really don't.

5:21 Helmets have to be white.

5:22 Drew Purple and brown.

5:24 You get a logo or a stripe, but you don't get both.

5:26 Drew Maybe green numbers.

5:27 Adam Yeah. Yeah. And the stripe doesn't continue into the pants. Not white, at least. It can be a thin one.

5:32 And cougar cats.

5:34 Adam Yeah. Yeah. And you should pick a good animal. I agree.

5:38 And it has to be an animal. Have you noticed in the NFL, all the teams end with an S. There's no heat in the NBA.

5:45 Drew Because they're a pack of animals.

5:46 Yeah. Everything has to be a something. Vikings.

5:49 Drew Cowboys.

5:50 Adam Yeah. And underutilized. Let me tell you, underutilized in NFL and sports in general. The hippos. Hippo. Dangerous animal.

5:59 Drew No rhinoceros.

6:00 Adam Hippos and rhinos. Hippos kill more people than snakes and bullets. Yeah. Turn me off. It's quick.

6:08 Drew It's double atom.

6:08 Adam Yeah. It's a love line. We had a little technical difficulty. That's why we had to run a Best Of. Well, you know you're hurting when your Best Of stars Will Sasso.

6:17 Drew I like Will.

6:17 Adam I like Will, too. But come on, Best Of. No, we got real.

6:20 Drew The best of that they really reach for with 40 seconds to spare.

6:23 Adam All right.

6:23 Drew 12 seconds to spare.

6:24 Adam Phone number. Let's get the phone number out. We'll just start the show. 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. It is good to be back in studio tonight and we have a real celebrity in our ranks. Howie Mandel is here.

6:44 Howie Mandel I am huge.

6:46 Adam Hidden Howie is the name of the show. I guess we got to turn everything up.

6:50 Drew They're all the way up. Everything is up, Anderson.

6:51 Howie Mandel You hear that guy talking to you, right?

6:53 Drew Yes.

6:54 Adam Pull your mic.

6:55 Drew Let's all speak right into our mics.

6:57 Howie Mandel All right. I'm here.

6:59 Adam Hidden Howie premieres on Bravo at 11 o'clock on August 18th.

7:04 Howie Mandel Thursday.

7:05 Adam Yeah, Thursday.

7:06 Howie Mandel This coming Thursday.

7:07 Adam This coming Thursday, August 18th.

7:09 Howie Mandel The private life of a public news.

7:11 Adam I have I've seen I've seen some spots for it. It looks good. I watch a fair amount of Bravo.

7:17 Drew Actually, I do, too.

7:18 Adam I watch Blow Out.

7:19 Drew Yes, of course. It's my wife's favorite.

7:21 Howie Mandel I think Bobby Brown.

7:22 Adam Watch Bobby Brown. I see I see a little Polly Shore on there.

7:26 Howie Mandel And I saw Polly Shore is not on Bravo.

7:28 He's on TBS.

7:29 Adam Whatever. I'm usually drunk when I'm watching TV, I realize. And with the TiVo, I lose, you know, you don't identify the stations with the TiVo. It's just your show comes on next. You know what I'm saying?

7:41 Drew By the way, the drunk thing is just an issue of probability.

7:43 Adam Right.

7:44 Drew What's a probability? You're not drunk when you're watching TV. I mean, it's, you know, be fair.

7:47 Adam It's a good point. Howie also is in a movie called The Aristocrats, which is out. Well, it's coming out. It's out in New York. It's coming out here on Friday in LA.

7:58 Howie Mandel It's been here.

7:59 Adam Well, it says it opens wide. I'm sorry. It's going to spread on the 19th.

8:05 Howie Mandel Right.

8:05 Adam Right. Wide opening. It's been in the cool places, but it's going to open to the red states on the 19th.

8:12 Drew When they'd go in there even late at night, the thing would be packed on those limited release theaters.

8:17 Howie Mandel Yeah. It seems like we were doing really well.

8:20 Adam I guess Sarah Silverman was in here on Thursday with Jimmy Kimmel. She probably explained a little about The Aristocrats.

8:26 Drew They told the joke.

8:27 Adam Oh, they did.

8:28 Drew Yeah. I'd never heard.

8:30 Howie Mandel She's amazing in the movie. She's really funny in the movie.

8:33 Adam Yeah. She's a great-

8:33 Howie Mandel I'm not talking- Are you talking to me when you're saying- Somebody keeps saying into the mic.

8:36 Drew Anderson, when you give us direction, give it over the air.

8:39 Caller I'm sorry. Howie, could you talk into the mic a little bit?

8:40 Adam He's in the mic.

8:42 Howie Mandel I can't get- You know what? I don't want to touch the mic, and I can't get any closer to the mic.

8:46 Adam Oh, that's right. You can't touch the mic.

8:48 Howie Mandel I can't touch the mic. I can't touch people.

8:51 Adam How about touching the back of the mic?

8:52 Howie Mandel Yeah, I can, but does it have to be closer to my mouth? Are they not hearing me? Here's what we'll do. We'll turn Adam down a little bit. Can we ask the audience to get closer to the radio?

9:00 Adam That's a better plan.

9:01 Howie Mandel I'd like to back up from the mic and I'd like everybody listening to get closer to the radio.

9:05 Caller When you talk Howie and then Adam talks, I can't hear you at all.

9:07 Howie Mandel That's the problem.

9:08 Drew Well, that's always the case.

9:09 Howie Mandel So can we ask Adam not to talk? Yeah, how about we have Adam turn down just a tad?

9:12 Adam Well.

9:13 Howie Mandel No, go ahead, Adam.

9:14 Adam I'm like the voice of God.

9:15 Howie Mandel But he's not closer than I am to the mic.

9:17 Adam No. All right, let's... They've turned me down. There we go. Let's not focus on this. Let's put this ugliness behind us. Yes, the aristocrats.

9:27 Drew Tell the joke again, because it's worth telling, I think.

9:29 Adam Who, me?

9:29 Drew Well, either of you, just because it's such a strange joke.

9:32 Adam I don't know the joke.

9:33 Howie Mandel Well, nobody knows the joke. The joke is made up.

9:35 Adam I don't even know how the joke goes, though.

9:37 Drew Well, that's what's peculiar.

9:39 Howie Mandel The joke goes... The movie is based on this joke that has been in existence since Vaudeville that is told amongst comedians. And it's really very rarely, except in the movie, and there's been a few other times where it's told publicly or even being broadcast. And it's the actual art of telling a joke. And the telling of the joke is what's fun.

10:05 Drew The point is the joke is nothing. It's a zero.

10:08 Howie Mandel Nothing. It's about a guy comes into a... walks into a talent agent's office and he says, I got a great act. I want you to book this act. And the talent agent says, what's the act? And he says, it's a family act. It's my wife, my kids, my dog and I. We all come on stage and then the joke begins.

10:23 Drew Then the joke begins. And it ends with... What do you call this act?

10:26 Howie Mandel The Aristocrats.

10:27 Drew That's it.

10:28 Howie Mandel That's the joke.

10:29 Adam Now, I had no idea what it was except for Gilbert Godfrey told it on the roast of Hugh Hefner in New York about four or five years ago.

10:38 Howie Mandel Which is in the movie.

10:38 Drew That's in the movie.

10:39 Adam Oh, that is in the movie.

10:40 Howie Mandel That tape is in the movie.

10:41 Adam Now I'm going to see it. Yes. Yeah.

10:43 Drew And that made you go see it?

10:45 Howie Mandel But nothing else would make you go see it.

10:47 Drew Because he's in it. Adam's in it then.

10:49 Adam Yes. It's the wonderful Howie Mandel being in it. Yes. I'm going to go there.

10:53 Drew But it's like giving a jazz musician five notes. They don't sound like much.

10:57 Howie Mandel But in between the setup and the punchline, the object is to be as vile as you could possibly be.

11:04 Adam Scatological, as vulgar.

11:05 Howie Mandel Scatological, sexual, profane.

11:09 Drew In terms of what the family is doing as part of this.

11:11 Howie Mandel To each other. To each other, to, you know.

11:14 Adam And the punchline is they're called the aristocrats.

11:16 Drew Yes.

11:17 Howie Mandel After they've been this vile. And not only is it to be as vile as you could possibly be, but it was also part of when I learned it and have heard it, was to stretch it out as long as you can possibly stretch it out. So to be vile and try to hold somebody's attention for, my record is like 41 minutes.

11:35 Adam Wow. Oh, really? Wow. So you're a craftsman.

11:39 Howie Mandel No, just annoying.

11:40 Adam Well, I mean, you've known this. How long have you known the aristocrat's joke?

11:44 Howie Mandel From the time I was 12, I learned it in different incarnations. But from the time I was 12, I started.

11:53 Adam Really?

11:53 Howie Mandel Somebody told me the joke and I started telling friends the joke.

11:58 Adam Did you always know? Well, you got started early.

12:00 Howie Mandel Not at 12.

12:01 Adam No, but you got started early in comedy, right?

12:05 Howie Mandel Yes, we got started. No, I was in my early 20s. Is that early?

12:09 Adam Early 20s. No, it's not.

12:11 Howie Mandel No, I'm 50. I'm going to be 50. I'm turning 50.

12:14 Adam Wow. You look good.

12:16 Howie Mandel You don't look so bad yourself.

12:18 Adam Thanks, buddy.

12:18 Howie Mandel Are you coming on to me? A little bit. Okay. No, I just started at 23. It was the first time I ever stepped on stage.

12:25 Adam Oh, it was. All right.

12:26 Howie Mandel I didn't know I wanted to be a comic, but I knew I wanted to annoy.

12:29 Adam Here's why I say I assumed you started young, because Howie Mandel, people remember saying elsewhere, and they remember his stand up specials and all that kind of stuff. Talk show? Talk show. Seemed like a long time. Well, the talk show wasn't that long ago, really. But saying elsewhere.

12:45 Howie Mandel But not memorable either.

12:46 Drew No, I think people remember that.

12:48 Howie Mandel Well, because you guys were on.

12:49 Adam Let's not argue. 22 times. Now, here's the point. The point is, Howie Mandel has been around for a long time, and I assumed Howie Mandel was 40 years old.

13:00 Drew Right.

13:01 Adam So I assume he got started when he was 13. Instead of 23, I didn't know he was 50.

13:05 Drew Right.

13:06 Howie Mandel Right.

13:06 Howie Mandel What a long-winded compliment. I did the reverse math.

13:09 Howie Mandel I appreciate that.

13:10 Howie Mandel Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, but there's nothing more fun and entertaining to a person than to be vile where it is inappropriate.

13:21 Howie Mandel Right.

13:22 Howie Mandel And that was always the, that's what you're supposed to do with that joke. You're supposed to be inappropriate. It should be told in a very inappropriate place to the people that probably wouldn't want to hear.

13:32 Howie Mandel Wow.

13:33 Howie Mandel That kind of material. And he's got 100. And when I say he, Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette have 100 people in our business talking about the joke or actually telling the joke. So go see the movie.

13:46 Adam All right.

13:47 Drew There's an interesting twist in the joke where somebody sets it up in a very aristocratic fashion.

13:52 Howie Mandel Right.

13:52 Drew And then the name is changed.

13:54 Howie Mandel To a very vile, scatological title.

13:57 Adam Wow.

13:58 Drew Very interesting twist.

13:58 Adam Oh, that's a nice twist.

14:00 Howie Mandel And Sarah has a great twist on it where she is, it makes herself actually part of the joke. Yeah.

14:06 Adam Well, yeah. She's a great, great stand up.

14:09 Howie Mandel She really is.

14:10 Adam And a great lady.

14:10 Drew She's a bed wetter too.

14:11 Adam Oh, well, was a bed wetter. Oh no, we got into, I've gotten into that many time with her.

14:16 Drew Did she tell you a story about her going to see a therapist after they were trying to treat the bed wetting?

14:20 Adam Wetting the sofa.

14:21 Drew And the acupuncturist came running down the stairs, the psychiatrist had just hung himself.

14:25 Adam Oh, really?

14:25 Drew She's nine years old.

14:28 Adam Her psychiatrist?

14:29 Howie Mandel Yes, yes.

14:30 Adam Where's the acupuncturist?

14:32 Drew This is in New Hampshire. She was waiting in this little Victorian office building.

14:37 Adam Really?

14:37 Drew And one guy comes to come and climb, she's been waiting and waiting and waiting, a guy comes down the stairs sobbing.

14:44 Adam He's the acupuncturist.

14:45 Howie Mandel And she's there for bed wetting.

14:47 Drew She's there, I don't know if it was bed wetting at that point, but she's maybe 12 or something.

14:50 Adam She's there at the therapist for bed wetting. Wow, heavy.

14:55 Every time I look at my vagina, I want to punch somebody.

14:59 Adam All right.

15:00 Drew Ever since then, ever since. Wow, it's been her attitude.

15:03 Adam Let's take some phone calls. I'm going to get a plug in for my own self, by the way. A little too late with Mwah.

15:09 Drew Is that tonight?

15:10 Adam On Comedy Central. No, it's tomorrow night.

15:12 Drew Monday, yeah.

15:12 Adam But you know.

15:13 Drew But the rest of the country.

15:14 Adam Rest of the country, yeah. Monday through Thursday, 1130 on Comedy Central. Tune in and see my nappy head in the flesh.

15:22 Howie Mandel Monday through Thursday.

15:23 Adam Monday through Thursday.

15:25 Howie Mandel Oh, so you can watch me at 11 and then you at 1130.

15:27 Adam I'm all out for half an hour.

15:28 Drew Absolutely. And then me at 12. On Wednesday.

15:30 Adam Wow.

15:31 Drew What are you going to do at 12? I have a show on Discovery Health Channel called Strictly Sex.

15:35 Adam It's been on for a number of months, Howie. Thanks.

15:37 Drew Thanks for bringing that up. Makes me feel pretty good. By the way.

15:40 Howie Mandel What are you doing at 12?

15:42 Drew It's fine.

15:43 Adam No, there's too many shows.

15:44 Drew I wouldn't expect Howie Mandel.

15:45 Adam I wouldn't. He's a big star. He doesn't have to watch.

15:48 Howie Mandel I watched it. What I was doing is leading you into a plug.

15:51 Drew Set me up.

15:52 Howie Mandel Well, I have never missed an episode of Strictly Sex. Does Megan have a...

15:59 Adam Megan.

16:00 Yes.

16:01 Adam Megan.

16:02 Yes.

16:02 Adam What's up?

16:04 Nothing. How are you?

16:05 Adam Good.

16:06 Good.

16:09 I guess I had two questions. I told her one. First one was, I don't know if I think two or three nights ago, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I don't know what exactly happened.

16:23 Drew Megan, what are you doing right now while you're trying to speak to us? You like doing the dishes or something or running a treadmill?

16:29 Caller No, I just ran down the stairs.

16:30 Adam Okay.

16:31 Drew Take a deep breath and let's out with it.

16:33 Adam Let's pace it up.

16:34 Drew Here we go.

16:34 Adam We're not that interested.

16:36 Drew Oh, okay. Sorry. Pretend we're not that interested. You're talking to somebody.

16:40 Adam You're speaking in the cadence as if the audience is interested. We didn't come to see you in concert. We're in a hurry. Here's either we're huge fans or you're smoking hot, but both those are out the window.

16:53 Drew We can't see her.

16:54 Adam We can't see and we don't know who you are, so let's pace it up a little bit.

16:58 Howie Mandel We don't have enough information to work on yet?

17:00 Adam Right.

17:00 Drew She hadn't told us the question. Here we go.

17:02 Howie Mandel There is a question.

17:03 Caller Yes, there is a question.

17:04 Howie Mandel I thought she was just reporting in.

17:07 Caller Instead of orgasming, I urinated. Oh.

17:11 Drew Did you have an orgasm while that was happening?

17:13 Sarah? No.

17:15 Howie Mandel Sarah? Is that you?

17:16 Drew Silverman?

17:17 Howie Mandel That's what I was thinking.

17:19 Drew Good point.

17:19 Every time I look at my vagina, I want to punch somebody.

17:22 Adam Yes, Megan, this happens all the time.

17:24 Drew Are you? Well, yes, it does. It's called female orgasmic incontinence. But are you having an orgasm at the point in which you pee?

17:31 Caller No, I did not. I didn't know that it happened until a few minutes later when I realized that everything was extremely... All right.

17:39 Drew Have you ever had babies?

17:42 No.

17:44 Adam So she didn't have the orgasm.

17:46 Drew She just lost the urine, which happens...

17:48 Caller That's never happened before.

17:49 Drew I know. I understand, Megan, but that typically happens with people on medication or people who've had a bunch of babies where the pelvic... No... .architecture relaxed.

17:56 Adam Yeah, I know. But hold on. When you're 18, you're talking about orgasmic problems. You don't have to do that. That's never happened before. How many years has a guy been on top of you? You're 18. If you're one of our callers, maybe six years tops. But of course, it's never happened before. Nothing ever happens before you're 18.

18:18 Howie Mandel Right.

18:18 Drew Yeah, we get that. That's why you're called.

18:20 Adam Right.

18:20 Howie Mandel Is this a medical problem?

18:22 Drew Yeah. You're not on medication?

18:24 No.

18:25 Drew Well, it's possible. Maybe you have a urinary tract infection. Maybe it was just one of those things that day. It doesn't have to mean anything serious, but it's typically a problem of women that have also stress urinary incontinence. You also lose your pee when you cough or laugh.

18:40 Howie Mandel But how do you know that she peed? How do you know that maybe he peed in her, and when they were finished, she emptied out?

18:46 Drew It's hard to do that when you're having an erection.

18:48 Adam Aristocrats.

18:49 Drew Yeah.

18:49 Adam Yeah. Megan.

18:50 Drew Be a good family act though.

18:52 Howie Mandel I don't know.

18:53 Adam Why don't you try having sex again to see what happens?

18:55 Howie Mandel Okay. Okay. We'll wait right here.

18:57 Drew I wouldn't worry about it. That would be the point. And it does happen sometimes. Again, as I said, usually women have had children though. So it might have looked. It might be urinary infection.

19:05 Howie Mandel Maybe she had children.

19:06 Drew My one concern is it could be urinary tract infection. So if you have pain when you urinate or burning or anything like that, just look into it.

19:11 Adam Yeah. I heard in the news somebody crapped out a kid and didn't know it a couple of days ago.

19:16 Drew Didn't know it?

19:17 Yeah.

19:19 Adam I know.

19:19 Howie Mandel What do you mean?

19:20 Drew Was she left behind? The dragon behind?

19:22 Adam It just didn't know she was pregnant.

19:24 Howie Mandel I thought I was fat.

19:25 Adam They gave birth. It happens.

19:27 Drew It happens a lot. And believe me, that happens a lot. She was fat, whoever this is.

19:32 Adam Oh yeah. They never worked that part into the story.

19:36 Drew Yeah.

19:36 Howie Mandel That's not an oddity. That's a lot of people just give birth and whoops.

19:40 Drew I mean, it happens more than you would ever imagine. And it's usually very obese people who literally just thought they were fat but not get it.

19:47 Howie Mandel Look, my crap is crying. My crap is crying.

19:53 Adam Well, I don't want to get racist, but the color of the child may have been the same.

19:59 Howie Mandel That's how we refer to it.

20:00 Drew All right.

20:01 Adam All right. I'm just saying, that's not the work of a Jew or an Asian.

20:04 Drew The aristocrats.

20:05 Adam This just isn't the work of a Jew or an Asian.

20:08 Drew How dare you?

20:10 Adam I'll tell you why.

20:11 Drew I'm offended. And you're profiling.

20:13 Adam Asians are svelte people. Jews, they're in the hospital every three weeks checking something out, so there's no way that's going to get past anybody.

20:20 Howie Mandel No Jew has ever popped on a child by accident.

20:22 Adam No, it's never happened.

20:24 Howie Mandel It's always on purpose. It's a tax deduction.

20:27 Adam Sarah?

20:29 Caller Yes.

20:30 Adam Howie, one of the times Howie was on the show, he was talking about how his dog went and dug up his child's foreskin and ate it.

20:38 Howie Mandel Oh, yes. Brought it back to us. Well, yeah, it had to be the bris because it wouldn't.

20:44 Adam Otherwise, it's a horrible ceremony.

20:45 Howie Mandel Yes, we have a pit bull who wouldn't. No, it's just that the bris is the, you do that as part of the ceremony. You take the foreskin and you go out and you bury it in the yard. But my dog uncovered it and brought it back to us.

21:00 Adam Wow.

21:01 Drew During the ceremony?

21:02 Howie Mandel Yes, actually during the ceremony. He played fetch when we didn't want him to.

21:05 Drew That is now only the comedian's bris, mind you.

21:08 Adam Yeah. I didn't know there was that part about burying it out in the yard.

21:13 Howie Mandel You didn't know that?

21:13 Adam I figured it'd be like what you do with a goldfish or something, like down the toilet or something. I didn't know what you did with the foreskin. Yeah. What's that?

21:21 Drew Tentative Path Lab.

21:23 Adam Now, nowadays, you should save it, right?

21:25 Howie Mandel No, that is if you have it done in the hospital. But a lot of people have it done in their homes. Yes. It's usually done in the home with, there's little sandwiches, party sandwiches.

21:33 Adam Yeah. No. I know. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

21:36 Howie Mandel So it's part of the buffet.

21:37 Adam You should send it to the pathologist lab.

21:39 Drew Sure. Anything that comes off people. They just go look at it? Goes Path Lab.

21:43 Adam So they can look at it or dispose of it?

21:45 Drew Just identify it and catalog it and dispose of it. Yeah.

21:48 Adam That's it. Incinerator?

21:49 Drew Yeah.

21:50 Howie Mandel They don't bury it?

21:51 Drew No.

21:52 Adam No. So you buried it and the dog dug it up?

21:54 Howie Mandel Yes.

21:54 Adam Wow.

21:55 Howie Mandel And I brought it with me this evening.

21:57 Adam Sarah.

21:59 Drew The dog, I hope. What's up?

22:01 Caller Hey.

22:03 What's going on, guys?

22:04 Adam You're 20? What's going on with you?

22:06 Caller I have been battling a yeast infection since November of, I guess, 2010.

22:11 Drew Are you sure it's a yeast infection?

22:12 Caller 100% positive. I've been tested like three times. I've been tested for everything else.

22:16 Howie Mandel There's an actual loaf there.

22:17 Drew So she actually delivered the loaf.

22:19 Adam Battling a yeast infection too. Just a picture of pulling out a sword, the yeast, drawing the iron, the shields. There's a thing where he swipes it in the candelabra.

22:30 Howie Mandel Maybe since November. How long is that? That's like six months, seven months.

22:34 Adam It's like forever.

22:35 Caller It's forever.

22:36 Howie Mandel Eight months. Because I know that women use that monistat 7 or monistat 3, and that stands for the amount of days that it is. So maybe you accidentally bought monistat eight months.

22:48 Drew Have you taken Diflucan for this?

22:50 Caller I've taken Diflucan. I've taken Trichonazole, which is the insert.

22:55 Drew What's the longest you were on the Diflucan?

22:57 Caller I was on the Diflucan for, I believe, three months. Wow. Yeah.

23:02 Drew Do you have any medical problems or anything else we should know about?

23:06 Caller I don't think so. I've been anemic, and I'm just sensitive to stuff but nothing.

23:10 Drew No. Okay. And have they identified the kind of Candida, the subspecies of Candida?

23:14 Caller Because they haven't told me. I should probably add right now I'm doing the Boric Acid treatment.

23:20 Caller Oh, boy.

23:21 Drew Here's the deal.

23:22 Caller Boric Acid?

23:23 Drew That recently there have been a spate of resistant Candida. Just the way they're resistant bacteria, there's some resistant Candida out there now too. So really they need to identify the type of Candida this is.

23:35 Adam Yeah.

23:36 Drew Candida, not Canada. Yeah.

23:37 Adam What's she doing with the Borax?

23:39 Howie Mandel Boric Acid.

23:40 Adam Boric Acid.

23:43 Howie Mandel What are you doing with Acid?

23:45 Drew Imagine it's going in.

23:47 Caller Sarah? Yes?

23:48 Adam What are you doing with the Boric Acid?

23:50 Caller They put it in the pill for me, basically they compounded them and I just put it up there twice a day.

23:56 Adam Wow, just trying to kill anything that's up there.

23:58 Caller Well, hopefully. It's not as painful as it sounds.

24:00 Don't worry about that.

24:03 Drew What are the symptoms of this kind of irritation, discharge, burning, all that stuff, right Sarah?

24:09 Adam Yeah. I want to just put her on hold again.

24:11 Drew That's fine.

24:11 Adam But it's got to be, yeah.

24:14 Drew Pretty unpleasant.

24:15 Adam Yeah. All right. It's bad for the boyfriend too.

24:17 Drew Yeah. It seems like-

24:17 Howie Mandel Can we get it?

24:18 Adam Yeah.

24:19 Drew You get them when you can. It's not a big deal.

24:20 Adam I think I got it once.

24:21 Drew Yeah. But it really doesn't hurt men at all, but for women it's uncomfortable. I think really you got to get some consultation, or maybe get infectious disease involved with this, and look into the- this is an unusual situation to have it this long. All right.

24:34 Howie Mandel I've never seen you look this worried.

24:36 Drew I'm not worried about her. I'm just troubled that she has going through all this. It's just really unpleasant.

24:40 Adam Yeah. It's not going to harm her. It sucks. It's one of these things too, where it's like a guy having a hemorrhoid, you don't really get a whole lot of sympathy from your work buddies. There's certain things that are as painful or as bad, as getting a finger cut off when it got slammed in a door of a cab or something. Right. But yet, there's no sympathy.

25:02 Drew Well, classic story is I did a piece for this strictly sexual guy that broke his penis, fractured it. Yeah. First of all, he wouldn't do anything about it, then it turned huge, like a mushroom and black. Right. And then he went, well, that seems like a positive. We're going to the hospital. And so he goes, takes his big, first they take the wood's foot flat and huge this way, like a big flat mushroom.

25:21 Howie Mandel Conversation piece.

25:22 Drew It's true, a paperweight. But they had to take the dog to the brother-in-law to put the dog somewhere where they went to the hospital. And the brother-in-law goes, what's going on? We're going to the hospital. He goes, I broke my penis. Brother-in-law laughs his ass off, of course, until he shows him.

25:36 Adam Show the brother-in-law.

25:37 Drew And then the brother-in-law goes, get to the hospital.

25:39 Adam But also, banging the bejesus out of your sister?

25:43 Drew I know. Maybe it's his brother. His brother-in-law, I think it was.

25:46 Adam Yes. See, that's weird to me.

25:48 Drew He's busting his chops until he saw it.

25:50 Adam I pounded your baby sister so hard that I actually tore my cavernous body inside my penis.

25:57 Drew It's nice.

25:57 Adam All right.

25:58 Drew Is that how you got it all in? Yeah.

26:00 Adam Wow.

26:00 Drew Slipped out and pow.

26:01 Adam Pow. It's usually the women that take the brunt of that damage.

26:07 Drew Usually.

26:07 Adam Usually. Well, those days are way behind. We'll take a quick break. Howie Mandel is in the studio tonight. We'll be right back after this.

26:18 Caller Loveline's phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline, with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew, we'll be right back.

26:27 Adam Want to dress up your sex life? Visit durex.com. There's sex and then there's Durex. Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Howie Mandel is in studio tonight. He's got a couple of projects. Hidden Howie is the name of the first one, which is out this Thursday, August 18th at 11 o'clock.

27:09 Howie Mandel Hidden camera pieces and sitcom. You can go to howiemandel.com if you want to see some of the hidden camera pieces.

27:15 Adam On 11 o'clock on Bravo and then out in wide release is The Aristocrats.

27:22 Drew Where did they get you with The Aristocrats?

27:24 Howie Mandel In my house.

27:25 Drew They came to your house?

27:26 Howie Mandel They went to everybody, wherever they were. They got me at my house, they got wherever anybody was, in their office, at their workplace. I was at my house.

27:34 Adam How much heads up did they give you?

27:37 Howie Mandel No, I had a week. They said what they would be good.

27:41 Drew Did you prepare or did you just kind of?

27:43 Howie Mandel No, I didn't know what they said. I had no idea what it was.

27:46 Adam Oh, you didn't know you're doing The Aristocrats?

27:48 Howie Mandel No, he didn't know what it was. Paul and Penn called me. I know Paul prevents it for years. They said, we don't know what we're doing. We're just getting every comic we possibly can to tell this joke and to talk about this joke. I go, what is it? Is it a documentary? Is it a movie? Let's just get it together and we'll figure out what it is.

28:07 Adam But I mean, you knew you were going to do the joke.

28:09 Caller You know what joke you're going to talk about.

28:10 Howie Mandel Everybody did the joke and we talked about the joke. Everybody had their own little take on it. Then Paul went away for about a year and a half and cut this thing. And, you know, we are happy with what he did with you. You know, I'm happy to be part of it. It's what he did with me. The only I think I talked for about an hour with them. And I'm left in I'm in the movie for maybe three minutes now and with the C word, only the C word. And I keep repeating the C word, which that's all you do is say the C word over and over. That's all I talk about in that part.

28:46 Drew Very entertaining.

28:47 Adam Well, true.

28:48 Howie Mandel It is. So that's and you know, that's the way he edited. I had actually only I did the C word for over an hour, but they only left three minutes of the C word.

28:57 Adam All right. I want to talk to Megan Drew. All right. Look at this call. It looks too good to be true. Megan?

29:03 Yes.

29:04 Adam You're 15?

29:06 Caller Yes, I am.

29:07 Adam You're bisexual?

29:09 Caller Yes, I am.

29:10 Adam And your family's homophobic?

29:13 Caller Yes, they are. Uh-oh.

29:15 Adam Someone's angry.

29:16 Drew So what's your question?

29:17 Adam Well, are we boring you, sweetie pie?

29:20 Caller No. It's just kind of been bothering me.

29:22 Adam Hold on a second. Everyone just close your eyes and picture Megan about, let's say, like 11 years. Just pissed off. She's 15 now. Just picture her in a few years. See? Look down the road.

29:36 Drew I figure I'll come to her at a customer service desk.

29:40 Adam Yeah.

29:40 Drew That's where I figure I'll run into her.

29:42 Adam Yeah. Something to do with an airport, too.

29:45 Drew With a bandaid over some of her piercings. Oh.

29:48 Adam Megan.

29:49 Caller Yes.

29:50 Adam What happened to you, baby doll?

29:52 Caller Well, since I was about sixth grade, I found out that I had a crush on a few girls in my school.

30:00 Drew No, that's not what he means. That's not what he means.

30:01 Adam I figured that part.

30:02 Howie Mandel There's got to be some history.

30:04 Adam Where's your dad? Yeah, let's talk a little history first.

30:07 Caller My dad, he kind of ran off whenever I was little.

30:12 Drew How old were you when he left?

30:16 Caller Probably like two or something.

30:18 Drew And what was he like before you left?

30:20 Adam She doesn't remember.

30:21 Drew Yeah, what did you hear about? Was he hell on wheels?

30:24 Caller He did a lot of drugs.

30:25 Drew There you go. That's what I was talking for.

30:27 Howie Mandel You guys are good.

30:28 Adam All right.

30:29 Drew Did he do anything?

30:29 Adam I can hear it in her voice.

30:30 Drew Yeah. Did he do anything to you or one of the other drug addicts your mom brought around ever do anything to you?

30:35 Caller No. No molestation, nothing.

30:40 Adam And he took off and your mom, did she remarry?

30:44 Caller No, my mom never married my dad.

30:46 Drew What were those?

30:47 Adam Well, all right. Did she get, is your mom married now?

30:52 Caller No.

30:53 Adam And she never got married?

30:54 Caller No.

30:55 Howie Mandel But there were guys around.

30:58 Caller Yeah.

30:59 Drew What were they like? What were they like?

31:03 Caller They looked like hippies.

31:05 Drew Hippies.

31:06 Adam And was she laughing?

31:08 Caller Yes.

31:09 Adam Why?

31:10 Caller I don't know. It just kind of seems like all the men that she dates or brings home, they kind of, they like, they work a lot and they like, they run off.

31:25 Howie Mandel And they what?

31:25 Adam They run off.

31:27 Howie Mandel They work a lot and then run off.

31:29 Adam Your mom has never been married?

31:31 Caller No.

31:32 Caller Wow.

31:33 Adam Bizarre. All right. So who do you live with now?

31:37 Caller My mom.

31:39 Howie Mandel And how do you know she's homophobic?

31:43 Caller Well, at a family reunion about a few years ago, they were talking about-

31:48 Adam Hold on a second. She's calling from Missouri, and over there homophobic means scared of houses.

31:53 Caller Yeah. Oh, of course.

31:55 Adam So I just want to try to get- I just want to give a little clarification. It's a Missouri call.

31:59 Drew It spells something different. It's homophobic.

32:01 Adam Homophobic. Yes, Megan.

32:04 Caller Okay. Well, there was a gay person on TV. And-

32:09 Drew A gay male.

32:10 Adam Yeah. Speaking of Bravo, everyone. Hidden Howie, 11 o'clock Thursday nights. Go ahead.

32:18 Caller But they're all making fun of them and like, eww, being gay is so gross. I mean, yeah, yeah.

32:25 Adam Yeah, they're just having a good time, though. It doesn't make you homophobic. Who cares, yeah. Yeah.

32:31 Caller I don't know.

32:31 Howie Mandel So what's your problem? Do you want to tell them now?

32:34 Drew That's the question.

32:35 Caller I don't know. I just want to tell them.

32:38 Drew Why?

32:38 Adam Because she's angry at mom.

32:40 Drew Yeah, that's only a payback to mom thing. Listen, 15 year olds are interested in keeping information from their parents. Yeah. If you were having sex with a boy, it's the last thing you would tell your mom.

32:48 Adam Right.

32:49 Drew Yeah.

32:50 Adam Here's the thing, Megan. I know you're angry and your mom's the only one around to take it out on because your dad split and abandoned the family and left your poor mom to do her best with you.

33:00 Drew And all the other guys that came out were abandoning A.

33:02 Adam Please don't take it out on the one parent that decide to stick it out and do what was right. You understand? Yeah. That's your mom. I'm not saying she's perfect. She is present though. Your dad split. Your dad was a coward. Your dad took the easy way out. Your mom stayed behind and she did her best to do her best with you.

33:23 Caller All right?

33:24 Adam Do not take, do not punish her for that.

33:27 Caller Okay.

33:28 Adam And realize whatever crap you think your life is, you add 25 years to that. That's how crappy your mom's life has been.

33:38 Caller Okay.

33:39 Adam All right.

33:40 Drew Very funny.

33:41 Adam I'll see you in junior college.

33:43 Caller Oh, yeah.

33:44 Adam Have fun. Please don't move to California. Please don't come to LA.

33:47 Drew Do not get pregnant.

33:48 Adam Please don't get pregnant and don't come to Los Angeles. Those are my only two please.

33:53 Howie Mandel So what you're saying is stick with the lesbian thing.

33:55 Drew Yes. Fine. Beautiful. I just don't think that's going to last either, though. It's going to be both soon.

34:00 Adam No, that's just...

34:01 Drew That's a ruse to act... Because she was brutalized by men and then she act out against mom.

34:05 Adam Then women are flexible sexually, so if you screw with them enough, they'll just go over. They'll just bounce around. You know what it is? It's just chaos, really, for women.

34:15 Drew Yeah.

34:16 Adam Whereas men, when you're gay, you're gay.

34:18 Drew You're into it.

34:19 Adam You're into it. Women, they're just chaotic. They don't have boundaries, so they just get chaotic and they just bounce around.

34:24 Howie Mandel Two words, anheysh.

34:26 Adam Yes. There you go.

34:28 Drew Got involved in doing functional MRI scans on men and women, and we had them showing images of women to women and men to men. The men, outside of consciousness, they're not aware of this. They can't describe this, but you see their brain characteristics.

34:42 Adam What do you mean showing women to women?

34:44 Drew You sit in an MRI scanner and they scan your brain.

34:47 Adam Erotic stuff?

34:48 Drew While you look at erotic images. Erotic. One of the images is of men or of women. Then you see how the brain responds to that. The males, all of them, 100 percent, and they didn't do any homosexual males, they were all heterosexual males, had no conscious experience. They didn't bother to look at these images, but their brains lit up with a threat response. Every single one. Remember we talked about that feeling?

35:11 Adam Yes.

35:11 Drew That is a biological thing that's based in the amygdala. Women don't have that response when they look at women at all.

35:17 Adam Right.

35:17 Drew They get none of that.

35:18 Adam Right.

35:20 Drew Whatever that is, it's in time in us.

35:21 Adam So here's what we're talking about for...

35:24 Howie Mandel Tall women are possibly bisexual.

35:25 Drew They're more fluid. They're more capable.

35:27 Adam They don't have those alarms that go up. This is a good thing. Here's something we always talk about, and I never heard anyone else talk about it, which is trying to talk everyone into being homophobic and how society is so homophobic. Here's my answer to that. Straight guys, when they see gay erotica have a visceral reaction, like, oh my god, I can't look. I have to avert my gaze, have to hold my hand up. If you see a guy graphically having gay sex, it's even hard to talk about for straight guys. With another guy, it's not that you're homophobic, it's not that your mind isn't open, it's not that you're uptight, you viscerally do it. It's like seeing dentistry or something. Seeing a deer get hit and lying by the side of the road, it's like, oh my god, I can't look at this. And by the way, a lot of these guys are the guys who love the seven faces of death films and they love stuff where guys are getting decapitated. Look, if someone said, look, we have a terrorist videotape that shows a CNN reporter being decapitated, these guys would run to the computer to take a look at. These same guys are gonna gag if they see two guys 60-90. Drew's gonna do it now too, right? So this isn't uptight, this isn't homophobic, this is a visceral reaction that straight guys have. Now, considering every straight guy has that, there is not very much abuse of gay people. If you think about the fact that within every straight guy walking the planet, there's a, oh, Christ, no, reaction. And one-tenth of 100 of 1% actually goes out and pees in a fire extinguisher and sprays it on a guy cruising down in Boys Town or takes a bat to somebody or something. The actual abuse compared to the 100% of the visceral reaction, not that high.

37:22 Drew Well-contained.

37:23 Adam Well-contained. Like I would argue when you're talking about when you're talking about gay bashing, I would say, oh, wait a minute, we deserve a medal for the lack of gay bashing that's going on out there, considering what resides inside of every straight man. Yes.

37:39 Drew And those studies are being done right now on homosexual men to see how their brain response is, what's different about it. And then the big conundrum will be why. Why is the one different than the other?

37:48 Adam Yeah, and I don't know any other topic that heterosexual males universally agree on in terms of reaction. It's not that way with food, it's not that way with anything else.

37:59 Drew It's the equivalent of seeing your parents having sex.

38:02 Howie Mandel So nobody's really... So no heterosexual man is actually homophobic. It's just a...

38:06 Drew It's a visceral threat response.

38:07 Howie Mandel Physiological...

38:08 Drew Yeah, threat response.

38:09 Adam Wow.

38:10 Drew And then they contain it. And you go, oh, I'm...

38:12 Adam Yeah, I think the homophobic part comes in the reaction, where you actually pick up a bat and go after somebody. But by these, you know, what the super liberal a-holes don't understand is this is inside of every straight guy. So technically, we're all homophobic. It's just a very small percentage of drunken ass-kickers act on it.

38:34 Drew And it really, it's not homophobia so much as a characteristic response that's unpleasant. Yeah. Well, you're not afraid of it. You don't want to hurt people who do it.

38:45 Adam Well, let's put it this way. If you replaced homosexual acts with black people, this would be considered racist in a huge way.

38:56 Howie Mandel And I would imagine, and they probably haven't done this test, if you took a heterosexual man and you showed them images of female homosexual activity.

39:05 Drew Oh, it lights up very nicely.

39:08 Howie Mandel Much more than heterosexual activity with a man and a woman.

39:13 Adam Now, that varies then.

39:14 Drew No, that doesn't vary. It doesn't. They actually can't distinguish. They couldn't distinguish very well. In other words, either way, you're lit up.

39:22 Howie Mandel Well, I can tell you, when I watch porn, when they get to the shot of the guy, it's a little turn off even though he's with a woman.

39:30 Drew Yeah.

39:30 Howie Mandel But if there's two women there, Interesting. It's more erotic.

39:34 Adam That's where we part ways.

39:35 Howie Mandel Oh, really?

39:36 Adam Yeah. I like guy-girl better than girl-girl. Drew is a man of passion, yes?

39:43 Drew Yeah. Thank you. It's all pretty good.

39:44 Adam Either way, Drew lit up like a pinball machine.

39:47 Drew Yeah. They put me in the scanner, too, and one of my scanners.

39:51 Howie Mandel I think girl-girl, there's no bad.

39:52 Drew But the scientist, the researcher, the thing comes up with the screen and is like, oh, oh, oh.

39:57 Adam He's a man of passion.

39:59 Drew All right.

40:00 Adam Let's take a little break. Howie Mandel in studio tonight. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

40:06 Drew I feel so liquidy.

40:08 Caller Really?

40:09 Caller You're listening to Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline will be right back.

40:15 Caller Loveline brought to you by Sex and the City on TBS Tuesday nights at 9, 8 Central and Wednesday nights at 10, 9 Central.

40:22 Tuesdays and Wednesdays just got sexier.

40:41 Adam Hey, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Howie Mandel is in here. The Hidden Howie is the name of the show on the 18th. That's this Thursday, 11 o'clock. Bravo.

40:56 Howie Mandel howiemandel.com.

40:57 Adam Also, The Aristocrats, which is going nationwide on Friday.

41:02 Howie Mandel Huge.

41:02 Adam Let's keep on keeping on and speak to Amanda. Amanda?

41:07 Caller Yes.

41:08 Adam What's up?

41:09 Caller I have a question for Dr. Drew about Crack.

41:13 Drew Okay.

41:14 Adam Crack, the name of his book. You see, Drew, you see how I do that? Because it sounds like she said Crack and Drug.

41:21 Drew My Crack. Okay.

41:23 Adam No, like a drug.

41:24 Drew Yeah. No, it's a book called Crack that I wrote a couple years ago that's still going around.

41:28 Adam Yeah. I'm going to get to that.

41:29 Drew Yeah, someday.

41:30 Adam Go ahead, Amanda.

41:30 Drew I won't hold my breath though.

41:31 Caller First, I just wanted to say it was really good and Adam, you should read it.

41:35 Adam I'm going to.

41:36 Drew Thank you, Amanda. Before hell freezes over, he might.

41:41 Caller But I have a question. You told someone, I think it was Finley in the book, that why you decided to save people?

41:55 Drew Right.

41:55 Caller Because of the man with the red crosses in his eyes.

41:58 Drew Right, right.

41:59 Caller And I was just wondering why you decided to get into addiction medicine to save people as opposed to like a lot of different other ways you could.

42:10 Drew Excellent question. Really sort of saying.

42:13 Howie Mandel I think I should answer.

42:14 Drew Okay, go ahead.

42:15 Adam Yeah, instead of emergency medicine.

42:18 Drew I'm not sure I can answer it with great accuracy because it has some sort of deep psychological reason to it and it must be symbolically those are the kinds of people that I like saving because addicts are a particular type of people. Also you can restore them to complete health. I mean you really end up with people better than they ever knew they could be.

42:34 Adam Well, Drew, would somebody who, see I wouldn't think of someone who did emergency medicine who just triaged people who were shot and stuff as co-dependent, but you're more co-dependent and that can work in your field.

42:50 Howie Mandel But wouldn't dentistry fall under the same, it could restore people to even better than they actually were.

42:56 Drew No, it's taking people from dying to better than they actually were, and to restore them psychologically.

43:01 Howie Mandel But from an overbite to a gorgeous smile.

43:03 Drew You could do that too. I appreciate that when they do that in fact, but the going from really dying to better than they knew they could be, and to have a psychological connection during that saving process, I think is really what that story was about.

43:16 Adam Yeah, people always saying, well, not about Drew, but about their, he saved my life. Dr. So-and-so saved my life.

43:21 Drew And you know, when I would actually do that in a sort of ICU setting or something, or an emergency room, it didn't mean anything to me. Interestingly.

43:28 Adam No, I mean about the medicine, though. I mean about the addiction medicine part.

43:32 Drew Yeah, yeah.

43:33 Caller All right.

43:34 Adam Amy?

43:36 Yeah?

43:37 Adam 29?

43:38 Hello?

43:39 Adam What's up?

43:40 Hello?

43:41 Adam Hello? Hello?

43:42 Yeah.

43:43 Adam Hold on. Ken?

43:47 Adam.

43:48 Caller Corolla.

43:49 Adam We're trying to replace Marco Polo, the kids' pool game. Oh, that's great. With Adam Corolla.

43:56 Drew Do it again, Ken.

43:58 Caller Adam. Corolla.

43:59 Howie Mandel Corolla. I love it.

44:01 Adam Yeah.

44:01 Drew Works. It is.

44:02 Adam Marco Polo's had a run for like 900 years. Screw him.

44:05 Howie Mandel We're just starting with Adam. That's great.

44:07 Adam Adam Corolla. You have a pool?

44:08 Howie Mandel I do have a pool.

44:09 Adam You have children?

44:10 Howie Mandel Yes.

44:11 Adam All right. What about Adam Corolla?

44:12 Howie Mandel I'm going to do it. I had no idea until right now and starting tomorrow. I'm going to take the kids out.

44:17 Adam Frolicing.

44:18 Howie Mandel Frolicing. How about let's play Adam Corolla?

44:22 Adam Go ahead, Ken.

44:24 Actually, I had a theory about that Marco Polo game. I think that it's called Marco Polo, not because he was an aquatic navigator, but more because the name Polo and the word pool are the same letters. And so you need to kind of create a pool called like a recall like a recall or something.

44:43 Adam Interesting. So yeah, I know, makes no because water polo has nothing to do with the same letters as pool.

44:49 Drew Right. Marco Polo was sort of lost in Asia at one point. He was following his father through and it's like Marco, where are you? He was following his father through.

44:57 Adam Is that? Well, that's what you think.

44:59 Drew That's what I think.

45:00 Adam All right. Go ahead, Ken.

45:02 Yeah, I've been listening for 10 years. I'm a huge fan. You're a comedic genius, Adam. I love you.

45:07 Adam Thank you.

45:09 I had a question for Dr. Drew about addiction, gambling addiction.

45:12 Drew Yeah.

45:13 I want to know if gambling addiction falls along the same lines as alcoholism in that there's like a gene or a genetic predisposition for gambling.

45:23 Drew Generally, there are some genetic elements to it, but it's not as clear cut as, say, with alcoholism per se, that most gambling addicts, in fact, are really alcoholics. And this is just the way it manifests in that disease.

45:34 Howie Mandel You sound like you know what you're talking about.

45:36 Drew But there clearly is a subset that overlap that is different.

45:40 Howie Mandel I will bet you $200 that Dr. Drew could take care of you.

45:44 Adam I find, you know, with gambling, it's sort of a... We know what the equivalent of it is, Vicodin, which is... I haven't really met too many people that don't like Vicodin, and I haven't met too many people that don't like gambling. It doesn't mean it takes hold. It just means almost everyone I know, when they're going to a place where they can gamble, get excited about gambling.

46:04 Drew And if you've got the gene, then it's more likely to take off.

46:07 Adam Then you're screwed, and it's probably more insidious in many ways than alcohol, because at least alcohol takes 20 years to really ruin your life.

46:15 Howie Mandel But there is sex addiction, right? Wouldn't that be the same?

46:20 Drew It's in the... Behavioral addictions in general are sort of evaluated the same way, but sexual addiction exists in most addicts. And then when they stop their addictive process, their chemical addiction, you see sexual addiction can emerge very commonly.

46:34 Adam It's tough with gambling because it's such a profound part of all human construct to be attracted to it. I don't know anyone who's not in sex too. In food and shit. In food, right. So then where do you stop? I realize I don't gamble because I'm cursed. I realize other people gamble because they think they're lucky. I know I'm cursed.

46:57 Drew Right.

46:57 Adam It keeps me away from it. Me too. I get my ass kicked every single time. It's like I'm being punished when I gamble. All right. Let's take ourselves a little break. Howie Mandel in studio tonight. We'll be right back after this.

47:11 Howie Mandel All right, guys, here's the deal.

47:12 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:16 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:17 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:18 Caller 877-889-DATE.

47:20 Caller Call the Dateline.

48:01 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191. Howie Mandel is in studio tonight. Hidden Howie is the name of the show, August 18th, this Thursday, August 18th, 11 o'clock on Bravo and also The Aristocrats, which will be out in wide release on this Friday. Yes, Drew.

48:22 Drew As much as I dislike those Gorillaz, I like that song a lot.

48:26 Adam Yeah, Drew, we hate the band, the Gorillaz, but we're starting to like the music.

48:29 Drew Wait, Anderson said the Gorillaz or Gorillaz?

48:31 Caller Yeah, it's just Gorillaz, don't piss me off.

48:32 Adam Yeah, Gorillaz. Yeah, you'll get them angry if you say the the.

48:34 Drew I hate to do that.

48:36 Adam I love when bands do that, which is they leave the the off where it should be and then when everyone says the, they then correct everybody.

48:46 Drew Well, I'm on.

48:47 Howie Mandel Why do you hate them? You had them in, you had them running.

48:49 Adam You tell me to answer the phone. Yeah, they're a-holes.

48:50 Howie Mandel I'm going to try and get your other ear going.

48:52 Drew Thank you.

48:52 Adam All right, Rick, answer the phone.

48:55 Drew Speaking of the the thing, I'm still angry with the campaign that the Smokey the Bear people put out, trying to make him Smokey Bear instead of Smokey the Bear, which I didn't know it was. Oh, yeah.

49:05 Adam There was.

49:05 Drew They said, there was big campaign saying, would you call him Santa the Claws, Easter the Bunny, and I might-

49:10 Adam But they weren't trying to get you to switch. They were just making a joke about it.

49:14 Drew It seemed like they're trying to make fun of it. My response is Felix the Cat.

49:17 Adam Yes. I don't know about Felix the Cat. The wonderful, wonderful cat.

49:21 Drew It's his name.

49:22 Howie Mandel I don't remember the campaign.

49:23 Drew You don't have to listen to crappy public service ads every night like we do.

49:26 Adam No. Yeah, you would be forced to. Yeah, we're forced to. It's part of the gig. Right. All right. Shall we move forward? Yeah.

49:33 Drew I feel like I'm not really doing anything here today. No, I did.

49:36 Adam I just promoted it, Drew. You weren't listening.

49:38 Drew I wasn't listening.

49:38 Howie Mandel And your show, can we?

49:40 Adam My show, Too Late with Adam Corolla, Monday through Thursday on Comedy Central, 11.30.

49:46 Howie Mandel 11.30. I'm 11.30. You're 11.30 and you're at 12.

49:50 Adam Then you watch me and then you go over to Dr. Drew's show, Cracked or whatever he's calling it.

49:58 Howie Mandel Do people know what goes on here in between? You hear this conversation in this...

50:02 Drew Go ahead and share...

50:04 Howie Mandel .reparter of...

50:05 Adam Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob.

50:07 Howie Mandel Yes, all the time. And then he says, we'll be back with more after this. But they don't stop. But they don't sit here. The conversation continues and it goes down the hall. And then they make a turn down a dark corridor. But they continue talking about whatever the last caller was talking about and they continue. Through the darkness, I followed them past a kitchen, through another maze and cubicles into a very clean men's room where they stand side by side at a urinal. Continue the conversation. It never ends. It never ends and it continues. Never stop talking.

50:37 Drew On the drive home. They don't lose... We talk until the phone's cut out.

50:41 Howie Mandel This is not a show. You people are just eavesdropping on their life.

50:45 Drew Our conversation.

50:46 Howie Mandel Yes.

50:46 Caller This is it.

50:48 Adam Let me say something. I don't know why, but I was thinking of this Buzz Aldrin, the great astronaut was on my TV show last week at some point. Somebody brought up the fact that there's a guy who keeps going up the Buzz Aldrin and saying it's a hoax.

51:02 Drew Really?

51:03 Adam Man's never been to the moon. America's never been to the moon. One time he actually just punched a guy out after he kept bothering him. This is some years ago. But anyway, there's always been this group of people, ironically the same people that say we have a spaceship at Area 51 probably think we never went to the moon. Which is like, well, certainly if you believe we got a spaceship you should at least give us credit for going to the moon. But the point is, they think it was a hoax. They think it was filmed on a sound stage. And I said to somebody the other day, you know, Neil Armstrong screwed up his phrase when he put his foot on the moon. He said one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. It should have been one small step for a man. A man and one giant leap for mankind because man and mankind are the same thing. One small step for man and mankind mean exactly the same thing. So I said look, if we staged this, he would have had another take. He would have cleaned that up.

52:03 Drew If we were doing that and it would have been Especially if it was for Comedy Central.

52:06 Adam It would have been scripted one small step for a man, one small step, one giant leap for mankind. It's a great point. I swear to God, I know this sounds retarded, but this is how I'm absolutely unequivocally positive that it didn't happen. Because if it was on a sound stage, they would have redone it and he would have gotten it right.

52:25 Howie Mandel So therefore, the gorillas actually exist.

52:28 Adam That's right.

52:29 Drew I like when Buzz said you were talking about the possibility of evidence, I think it was on your show, evidence of extraterrestrials. He said, look, he quoted Carl Sagan and said that extraordinary events would leave extraordinary evidence.

52:43 Adam Yeah.

52:43 Drew As Carl Sagan said. Good point.

52:44 Adam Yeah, it was. Amy?

52:47 Yes.

52:48 Adam You're 29. I want to know if it's possible to have the herpesvirus and never have an outbreak.

52:56 Caller That's right.

52:57 Adam So you can be a mule for the herpesvirus but never actually have an outbreak.

53:03 Howie Mandel Carrier.

53:03 Drew In fact, you can be a carrier or a mule.

53:05 Adam How he looks at the world is just that.

53:07 Howie Mandel This is my health.

53:08 Adam Everyone is having dry herpes.

53:10 Drew Yeah. Particularly women can do that. It's rather common.

53:13 Adam Rather common.

53:14 Drew Well, yeah. It's thought of as common.

53:15 Howie Mandel Do you believe you're a carrier, Amy?

53:18 Caller Actually, I was tested for it.

53:22 Drew Hopefully not a blood test.

53:23 Caller Yeah, I did a blood test.

53:25 Drew The blood tests are worthless for the most part.

53:27 Caller Okay.

53:27 Drew Unless you have, again, extraordinary evidence.

53:30 Howie Mandel It should be a written exam.

53:31 Adam But, Drew, if someone tests positive for the herpes via blood tests.

53:38 Drew And you have suspicion.

53:40 Adam No. And never has a breakout.

53:42 Drew I would consider the test erroneous.

53:44 Adam You would?

53:44 Drew I would. If they, on the other hand, have a question, gee, I had one time hazard. I think it was an outbreak. And I've got this positive. This test is only accurate when interpreted in the context of its clinical circumstance. There's got to be some evidence. So.

53:59 Caller So why are you tested positive? Why?

54:01 Drew Because it's herpes. Well, some doctors choose to interpret it a certain way. I think the only way you can, if you really need to settle the score, you have to get a culture done. And was this a gynecologist that you saw?

54:13 Caller I saw a, I had, what I had was, I guess you'd call them, they would look comparable to like a cankisaur.

54:22 Drew Amy, well that looks like, that sounds like herpes. So that's, again, you said you had no evidence.

54:27 Adam You said you had a blood test.

54:28 Drew Yeah, if I saw a herpes, cankisaur and a blood test.

54:31 Howie Mandel Well, you're still a carrier.

54:32 Drew No, you got it, you got it.

54:33 Adam Either way, you're mule and herpes.

54:34 Drew The cankisaur is on your vagina, right?

54:36 Caller No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not down there.

54:40 Adam How many, how many are those?

54:41 Drew On your throat, well everyone has those. That's terribly, terribly common.

54:45 Howie Mandel On the throat, everybody has those?

54:47 Drew Herpes viruses in the mouth, yeah, very, very common.

54:49 Adam Oh, you mean inside your mouth?

54:50 Howie Mandel On canker sore, on canker sore.

54:52 Drew That's why the blood tests are usually positive, because people get exposed to these things very, very commonly.

54:56 Adam She said on the throat.

54:58 Drew Well, here's the reality that when it becomes more generalized like that, it's oftentimes either medication or it can be a primary outbreak.

55:09 Adam Amy.

55:10 Howie Mandel Yeah.

55:11 Adam You said you had them on your throat.

55:14 Caller Well, I had a cankisaur on the back of my throat, and so I went to the doctor and they did a culture of my throat. And one of the doctors that I went to see, which wasn't my primary care physician.

55:25 Drew So you did do a culture. That's not a blood test. You did a culture.

55:28 Caller No, but I did it.

55:29 Caller He did a culture and then he said, well, I want a blood test.

55:32 Drew I see.

55:33 Caller So I did a blood test.

55:34 Drew Were you on medication? Were you on antibiotics or medication at the time?

55:37 Caller Um, I can't remember because it was a while ago.

55:41 Drew That's a real typical medication reaction, have that big ulcer on the back of the throat there.

55:44 Adam All right.

55:45 Drew All right.

55:46 Adam Good times.

55:47 Drew Assume you're contagious with your mouth.

55:49 Caller With my mouth?

55:50 Drew Yes.

55:50 Caller Does that mean that there's potential for it to be, like for it to show up down in the vaginal region?

55:58 Drew Nope. Not unless you give it to somebody and then he gives it to you down there.

56:01 Howie Mandel Maybe she's double-jointed.

56:02 Drew She could- No?

56:04 Howie Mandel She can't give it to herself.

56:06 Adam I hear about double-jointed so much anymore. What happened to that?

56:09 Drew Yeah.

56:09 Howie Mandel That's why I'm here.

56:11 Drew Yeah.

56:11 Adam Another thing I missed too, the people who have one leg that's shorter than the other. Who's that one kid?

56:17 Howie Mandel That had a shorter leg?

56:19 Adam Little bit shorter.

56:20 Howie Mandel And couldn't help going in circles?

56:22 Adam No. They had the shoe that had the thick sole on it. There was always weird and creepy. You don't see that thick sole shoe anymore.

56:29 Drew Probably because it's all corrected surgically.

56:31 Adam It all gets done at birth now, I think. Yeah. There always was that kid. It was always- You know what make it mean-

56:36 Howie Mandel That's a big leap from double-jointed to the short-legged.

56:39 Adam No, not really.

56:40 Drew There's probably-

56:40 Adam There's still joints.

56:42 Drew Hip dislocation or something.

56:43 Adam Whatever it was-

56:44 Howie Mandel Double-jointed is now called Cirque du Soleil.

56:47 Adam Every- If you went to public school, there's always one kid that had like the weird arm or had the weird short leg. It got weirder when they took the regular tennis shoe like an Adidas or a Nike's and then put the extra sole on it. I know what they were going for, but it looked extra weird because you recognize the shoe. I just like the orthopedic shoes with the thick one. We had a kid who had the weird short arm. What is that, Drew? How does that work? The weird.

57:13 Howie Mandel Thalidomide, probably.

57:15 Drew Underdeveloped?

57:15 Adam Yeah, just the underdeveloped sort of whatever. But he would overcompensate by getting in fights and being picked first and it turned out to be pretty good at everything and it was weird, but it was always known as that guy.

57:26 Drew Depends.

57:27 Adam But you don't see that guy anymore.

57:28 Drew No, that's why. Can we correct these things now?

57:31 Adam When I was in grade school, there was one or two kids that had something going on.

57:36 Drew Always.

57:37 Adam Always. And now?

57:38 Drew How about the braces, those metal braces?

57:40 Adam The polio braces?

57:42 Drew Well, there are all kinds of braces.

57:43 Adam Now, they're all Stepford kids. Everyone's fine, everyone's healthy, everyone's strong. I hate that. Yeah, I don't like that either.

57:48 Drew It must be the Chinese herbs have been brought around and took care of everything.

57:51 Adam Yes, that's what it was, the herbs.

57:53 Drew Yeah.

57:53 Adam They've been around for 2,000 years.

57:54 Drew But suddenly they became effective.

57:55 Adam Suddenly became effective or was it modern medicine?

58:00 Caller Hello?

58:00 Adam Year 23?

58:02 Caller Yeah.

58:03 Adam What's up?

58:04 Caller Why the question for Dr. Drew? I was just wondering, I've experienced a significant decline in my sex drive. I was just wondering if this is a physical thing that I can maybe overcome or if it's a mental thing.

58:22 Drew Well, if it's biological, physical, it's usually medication. Have you started birth control pills or something like that?

58:30 Howie Mandel No.

58:30 Caller I've been on birth control pills long ago, but I'm not on it right now.

58:33 Drew You're on nothing now?

58:35 Caller Nope.

58:35 Drew And are you taking it?

58:37 Caller I have a serious boyfriend.

58:39 Drew Any medication now?

58:40 Caller No.

58:41 Drew Nothing? No. And you've been feeling okay otherwise, normal periods? And when did this switch?

58:49 Caller I don't know. It's been for a while now. I guess I feel like I don't find the same pleasure out of sex that I used to.

58:56 Drew Are you losing your sort of, is this relationship losing its spark in some way?

59:01 Caller No, not at all. We're engaged and, you know, a good...

59:04 Drew Does that mean something special to you? Are marriages sort of things you expect to fail?

59:09 Caller No, not at all. I mean...

59:11 Drew So your parents are together. You wouldn't expect a marriage to fail.

59:14 Caller Oh, no, not at all. But I mean, this whole problem is really taking like...

59:18 Adam Are your parents together?

59:20 Caller Yeah.

59:21 Adam All right. And there's no falling out of love, there's no...

59:25 Drew Extra pressure on the relationship because of the marriage coming up?

59:29 Caller No, nothing like that.

59:31 Drew We couldn't hear what she said. What'd you say?

59:33 Caller No, nothing.

59:34 Adam All right. And you guys have been together for how long?

59:37 Caller It's been off and on for three years. And I mean, we took about a year break.

59:43 Drew What happened during that year?

59:44 Caller Oh, I had to go back and finish school and kind of just be on my own for a little bit.

59:49 Drew That was your choice to break it off? Translate that.

59:51 Adam F his buddies.

59:52 Caller It was kind of something we both decided I needed to do.

59:56 Drew Translate that to he wanted to do it.

59:57 Adam He thought he could get laid.

59:59 Drew Right.

59:59 Adam What ends up happening is guys hook up with chicks, they get laid three times a day for two years and they're like, wow, I'm going to take this disgruntled momentum and take it on the road. This is going to be awesome. And then they step out in the real world and it's like, what's crickets? Yeah. It's like, what's going on? Hey, ladies. Woohoo. Hello. I've been getting laid three times a day. I'll settle for twice a week. What do we got? Looking for a fresh wound tank. What do we got? Any tankers? And it's like, nothing. And then they get back together after six months.

1:00:29 Howie Mandel Yeah, but he got back with her, who has now lost her interest.

1:00:32 Drew Well, but it maybe harbored her resentments about what just went down.

1:00:36 Adam Nikki?

1:00:37 Caller Yeah.

1:00:38 Adam Now you guys decided that you should take a year off.

1:00:42 Caller Well, mm-hmm.

1:00:45 Caller Yeah, but I mean, this is something that, I mean, during that break, I was whatever with somebody else, and I still didn't have this next drive that I used to.

1:00:54 Drew Were you feeling resentful about this guy being away from you?

1:00:58 Caller Oh, no, not at all. I just don't feel like...

1:01:00 Drew Hey, listen, Nikki, no is fine.

1:01:03 Adam Yeah, not at all makes us...

1:01:05 Drew Suspicious.

1:01:06 Adam Yeah. You, me, I thinks that I'll protest too much.

1:01:09 Drew Exactly.

1:01:10 Adam Yeah. Okay. So you, and what was he doing during the year off?

1:01:18 Caller Um, you know, just working one night, he wasn't dating anybody or really seeing anybody, or like you guys were saying, he may have been sleeping around, but he wasn't.

1:01:26 Drew Okay.

1:01:27 Adam No, I'm saying he was, I said he cried too.

1:01:28 Howie Mandel Well, is this a big mark difference in your sexual drive? How much sexual you haven't before?

1:01:34 Caller Probably like three or four times a day.

1:01:37 Howie Mandel And now?

1:01:39 Caller Maybe like once a week.

1:01:40 Drew All right. Well, most commonly, the most common reason, I'm just playing odds with this, is bipolar disorder. Somebody who's tend towards manic depression, where they become hypersexual periods of time, they're very effective at work, she goes to school, she does all these things, and then she gets into more depressive phase and the libido drops, and they're not quite as active. And this may be mild, it may not affect her function, it may not be something that needs to be treated, but it's a suggestive biology that could take off. Be careful with substances that can really amplify it.

1:02:08 Adam I was at the movie theater last night and ran into Caroline Ray.

1:02:12 Drew Oh, yes.

1:02:13 Adam Who did that thing where she yelled at me as I was like, Adam, she was eating dinner outside, I walked past her. So I stopped and talked to her, and then there's that thing, I don't know if this ever happens, it must happen to you guys.

1:02:26 Drew Why does speaking about bipolarity bring Caroline Ray to mind?

1:02:30 Adam I don't know why, I was just thinking, she yelled, I talked to her for a few minutes, and then I was like, great, come on the show, fantabulous, oh thanks, really great.

1:02:37 Drew I haven't seen her in a long time.

1:02:38 Adam I haven't seen her in a while. And then I went to the movie, and there's that thing where you run into them again.

1:02:43 Drew Now what do you do?

1:02:43 Adam But you kind of shot your wad, but you have to say something, because now you're actually against each other in the popcorn line.

1:02:49 Drew Here's the line. Here we are again.

1:02:50 Adam Here we are again. It happened like three or four times. And then at certain points, that weird thing where like, just look down, honey, and keep walking. Because we don't know what else to talk about. And then I realized, so I was walking and she was eating outside with a bunch of people. And I passed her. I was down the road and she yelled, Adam. And I looked and turned around and doubled back and came back to her. Later on that night, when we were leaving my wife and I, the theater, I saw the director of the TLC show I'm working on, who's a great lady, getting along fine and she was like, there's Pal and I said, honey, keep walking. And it was just my instinct. And she's like, don't you like, and I like, I like her. Keep walking. And I thought my instinct is to always just keep moving. Pretend like you don't know.

1:03:38 Howie Mandel You don't like contact.

1:03:39 Adam I realize.

1:03:40 Drew You're like hassle.

1:03:41 Howie Mandel I think you blow your wad here.

1:03:43 Adam Maybe that's it. Maybe that's it. And I think there's a, so Caroline Ray yelled at me when I was 30 paces down and she was looking at my back and I was way out of sight and all that. I saw the, and I haven't seen Caroline Ray in many years, and I saw the woman I see every day who directs my show who I like, and I told my wife keep walking.

1:04:02 Drew Adam likes the clutch in. And if he has to engage the clutch to have a conversation or whatever, oh no, no, no, that's too much. That's not good.

1:04:10 Howie Mandel Well, I'm not a people person.

1:04:11 Adam You're not. You keep walking. What would you do?

1:04:13 Howie Mandel But I have different issues.

1:04:15 Adam I know. You don't want to touch.

1:04:16 Howie Mandel I don't want to touch, but I don't want to even get the, you know, I think I have weird thoughts. I don't like to, I don't engage. I try, I walk with my head down. I very rarely go out.

1:04:26 Adam Right.

1:04:27 Howie Mandel But I walk with my head down and I do not because of the carol.

1:04:29 Drew What are the thoughts? I'm just curious if you're okay.

1:04:32 Howie Mandel I just don't like being out in public. I just, I feel like I'm going to, I mean, You're being watched or that people are, you know, whispering. I'm very neurotic. I don't like to be touched. I don't like to be, I believe there's germs everywhere. And I'm almost, I'm this close to being a little bit of a-

1:04:47 Adam Howard Hughes?

1:04:48 Howie Mandel I could get there.

1:04:49 Adam Oh yeah. Oh, there's time.

1:04:51 Drew You see the Kleenex boxes on his feet?

1:04:53 Adam Yeah, I was wondering what those were. I thought they were Birkenstocks.

1:04:56 Howie Mandel Yes. No, so I'm very close. And I, you know, we were talking before the show. I don't think, but that's a big thing. You know, everybody's extending hands and touching. I'm on a campaign. You want to start Adam Carolla in Santa Marco Polo. I don't want, I don't want people to, I believe in sex. I believe in hugging. I believe in, but I don't want people to touch.

1:05:13 Adam The handshake.

1:05:14 Howie Mandel No more handshakes.

1:05:15 Adam I'm with you.

1:05:16 Howie Mandel I think I like the whole Asian thing with the bow. I think there's no reason to.

1:05:20 Adam This is perfect.

1:05:20 Howie Mandel Great to see you. It's good seeing you.

1:05:22 Adam Let me tell you.

1:05:23 Drew Let's get high back.

1:05:24 Adam Look, I want to bring.

1:05:24 Howie Mandel Caroline Ray. Look at you.

1:05:27 Adam I want to bring the Asian thing back for the cell phone. I want people to start saying, hey, when you're talking on the cell phone, because I drive through the canyons. I'm long-winded. I don't know if you've heard. The phone cuts out and I realize that I've been talking for 18 minutes now and the person's been gone for 15 of the 18 minutes.

1:05:46 Drew That's a relief for the other end.

1:05:48 Adam Right, and then every once in a while, you do that stupid thing where you go.

1:05:50 Drew Hello?

1:05:51 Adam Yeah, you go, hello? And they go, yeah, I'm listening. And you always feel like a narcissist and an idiot.

1:05:56 Howie Mandel And what did I say?

1:05:58 Adam Right. The Japanese, they just say, hey, hey, hey. So the person starts talking and they're constantly being affirmed.

1:06:05 Howie Mandel I get it.

1:06:05 Adam And they're being affirmed. And it feels good.

1:06:07 Howie Mandel Yeah.

1:06:08 Adam It feels good. Like, Drew, just start. I'll say it, I'll just start talking. I'll just say, oh, man, I'll tell you what, I don't know why they put those stickers on fruit. You know what I mean? How did we get along without those stickers on the fruit? And you try to pull it off and it takes the skin off with it. And you got to take a knife and stuff. Couldn't they just put the sticker on the outside of the pack? You have to put it on every single goddamn nectarine? See?

1:06:29 Howie Mandel When I was going for the Asian thing, it's just about the height. The height makes me nervous. That makes me nervous.

1:06:34 Adam But on a cell phone, it would make me nervous. Yeah, but you would know the person was there all the time. I mean, LA is such a horrible town for a cell phone.

1:06:42 Howie Mandel I don't care for the person to even be there. I like making the call.

1:06:45 Drew How is he going with the peanut bomber? He's going away.

1:06:47 Adam Wow.

1:06:48 Caller He's going to a shack in the woods.

1:06:50 Adam I agree with you on the handshaking. I totally agree. Not for the germs, just for the fact of, why go? I like that. I like the elbow. I like the knuckles. I like the bow. The bow is nice.

1:07:04 Howie Mandel No, but mainly for the...

1:07:05 Drew But the elbow is back, instead of the knuckles.

1:07:08 Howie Mandel I do the knuckles, but the elbows... I used to do... I had band-aids on my hand, so I would say, look, I have a band-aid.

1:07:14 Adam Oh, really? Oh, you'd put that there.

1:07:15 Howie Mandel Before I came up with the...

1:07:16 Drew You have these huge rings, and see, I'm intimidating.

1:07:19 Howie Mandel Yes, I have rings now, but just so you won't touch my flesh. But the thing is, I used to have... I used to have the band-aids on, and somebody would extend their hand, and then I would extend my hand, and I'd go, I can't. So then we'd grab my... all of a sudden, the left hand...

1:07:34 Adam Oh, yeah, that didn't work.

1:07:36 Howie Mandel Then I put band-aids on both hands. But then I had to explain.

1:07:40 Adam Can I suggest this? Go ahead. The fact that you don't want to make contact with the hands could be the sort of spearhead, or the reason, maybe the thing that propels you not wanting to be out in person in general.

1:07:56 Howie Mandel Absolutely. It is.

1:07:57 Adam So much of that.

1:07:58 Howie Mandel It is.

1:07:58 Adam You know what I mean? It's like there's people that have bad skin, and all of a sudden, they don't want to date, they don't want to go out.

1:08:06 Howie Mandel I've been with the same girl for 30 years, so I'm safe there. I don't have to date. If I had to date, I probably wouldn't, at this point, where I am in my mind, I probably wouldn't date.

1:08:16 Adam No, I'm saying if somebody has rosacea, the problem where they turn red or something, they don't want to do anything.

1:08:22 Drew There's a slightly different thing from isolating because of you don't like how you appear and that sort of thing from this, which is an anxiety disorder about the obsessional stuff, and that very quickly bleeds into agoraphobia.

1:08:34 Adam But it all stems from the hand, I think.

1:08:36 Drew It does. But agoraphobia is actually-

1:08:38 Adam Or is the hand an excuse to propel this?

1:08:40 Drew Listen, agoraphobia is, people think of it as a fear of open places.

1:08:43 Adam I thought it was agoraphobia.

1:08:45 Drew Agoraphobia. It's a fear of crowds in reality.

1:08:48 Adam Right.

1:08:48 Drew It's a fear of being out in public.

1:08:49 Howie Mandel Yeah, I have that fear. I just want to put out a quick shout out to the people at West Hills Hospital, the emergency room, who see me frequently with my heart palpitations. Really? Yes.

1:08:59 Drew It's an anxiety thing.

1:09:01 Adam What do they do when you come in there with palpitations?

1:09:02 Howie Mandel I'm hooked up on an EKG and then they say, no Howie, you're just anxious. Go home.

1:09:07 Adam Oh really?

1:09:07 Howie Mandel Yeah. Wow. And then I got this card. I walked around with this card for a while. The guy, a doctor gave me.

1:09:13 Drew Let's see, put it in your chest if you have an event.

1:09:14 Howie Mandel Yeah. On the phone.

1:09:16 Drew It's called an event monitor.

1:09:17 Howie Mandel I had an event monitor. So my life was an event. Wow. It's a positive. You can see the positive in that. So I walked around with that for a while. I'm kind of messed up.

1:09:26 Adam Yeah. You're very forthright about it.

1:09:30 Howie Mandel It makes my life easier.

1:09:32 Adam Oh no. Yeah. Why not?

1:09:33 Howie Mandel Because somebody sees me if they see me outside afterwards. They go, I heard you on Loveline. I won't shake your hand.

1:09:40 Adam No, it's good. I've said this all times. Snoop Dogg gets to smoke weed wherever he wants. I got to, if I smoke weed, I got to go to my basement and put a sheet over my head. Snoop Dogg gets to do it in the green room, a Kimmel, because that's what Snoop Dogg does. Once you get to work, it would be stupid for Snoop Dogg to pretend he didn't smoke weed. Instead, tell everyone he smokes weed and he can smoke it on a plane. You, Howie Mandel-

1:10:03 Howie Mandel That's actually, you had to start out being Willie Nelson's idea.

1:10:05 Adam Right. I did rip that one off from Willie Nelson. You let everyone know that, hey man, I'm weird about this stuff. The next thing you know, we're just like, okay, how do you know? You don't shake hands with Howie. Come on, man. It's a different set of rules. It's smart, as opposed to hiding it for many years, which I'm sure you did.

1:10:20 Howie Mandel I did, and I was going nuts, and I was in and out of the hospital and the emergency room, and now I just, when I did the talk show, you guys were on the talk show, Paramount said-

1:10:29 Adam People have to come out every day and greet you.

1:10:31 Howie Mandel Paramount said, you can't talk about this crap. You can't, because we want to focus daytime television, there's a different kind of audience, and you can't talk about it every day, you're going to have to deal with it. The way I dealt with it is my friends are a surgeon, and I called them and I said, what are you guys using that? What's that stuff you use to scrub up?

1:10:48 Drew You have the scrubbing stuff?

1:10:49 Howie Mandel Yeah, the scrubbing for surgery.

1:10:50 Drew You use that after the show?

1:10:52 Howie Mandel Before and after, and during the show I had PUREL. And then right around the end of the show, when the show was getting canceled, I started getting warts all over my hand, and I said, what is this? And I went to the dermatologist, and apparently I had killed all the antibodies in my, I'm using too much of that stuff.

1:11:11 Adam Wow, see what God does to you?

1:11:12 Howie Mandel Viruses, there was just viruses all over my hands. I don't use that stuff anymore.

1:11:16 Adam Smart. Alright, but Howie, let me just make this observation.

1:11:21 Howie Mandel Go ahead.

1:11:23 Adam You're being very forthright about this stuff, and you're putting it out there, and that's probably healthy. On the other hand, maybe it's enabling you a little bit, too.

1:11:31 Howie Mandel To do what?

1:11:32 Adam To spin out with it a little bit, because now people know, it's like Snoop Dogg with the pot. Hey man, I'm wearing it on my sleeve, this is who I am. Now I got a little momentum with it. Is it gathering a head of steam?

1:11:44 Howie Mandel Well, you know what, this wasn't the segue into plugging the show, but it is part of my show because it's part of me and it's part of who I am, and so I can use it. Right. I realize that I can use it and find the comedy and the entertainment value in it, but by the same, and it also works and makes my life a little bit easier. But I am in therapy. Good. I am, as I talked to you before the show, I'm supposed to be a medicated, I'm not taking the medication for it, so it's a real problem.

1:12:09 Adam Have you tried the medication?

1:12:11 Howie Mandel No, I'm afraid to.

1:12:11 Drew Maybe Prozac?

1:12:14 Blue Box?

1:12:15 Howie Mandel I didn't ask him what it was, he goes, I'm going to prescribe, and I said I'm not going to.

1:12:19 Adam How about a week just to see what it does?

1:12:22 Howie Mandel I don't want to.

1:12:22 Adam Not curious?

1:12:23 Howie Mandel No.

1:12:24 Drew What if it made you feel better?

1:12:26 Adam I would try to see what it did.

1:12:28 Howie Mandel You know, I was, and a lot of comics talk about this, I saw an ad, every ad you see for every pill, for everything, has like 5 million side effects, worse than what you're trying to fix up. You know, there's one out now for incontinence.

1:12:42 Adam Sure.

1:12:42 Howie Mandel Incontinence. And then you just...

1:12:44 Adam Yeah, the lawyers make them put that there, though. But if that doesn't...

1:12:48 Howie Mandel So you defecate in your pants. So you're not urinating, you're not peeing anymore.

1:12:52 Adam But you go in number two.

1:12:53 Howie Mandel But you go in number two.

1:12:54 Adam Right.

1:12:54 Howie Mandel But I'm not urinating.

1:12:55 Adam That's not gonna be you.

1:12:56 Howie Mandel How do you know?

1:12:57 Adam Well, you should...

1:12:58 Howie Mandel You know, I'm comfortable with people, I'm shaking hands, and my pants are filled with crap.

1:13:03 Adam I think...

1:13:03 Howie Mandel But I'm comfortable.

1:13:04 Adam I don't think you want to take the drug, because if you take the drug, you might start shaking hands, and you don't want to shake hands.

1:13:09 Howie Mandel No, I just, you know, I'm happy, you know, I'm doing okay.

1:13:13 Adam All right.

1:13:14 Howie Mandel You know, I'm doing fairly well.

1:13:15 Adam How's your wife? She's cool with this, kids and everything?

1:13:18 Howie Mandel You know, I have three kids who...

1:13:20 Drew Daughters, right?

1:13:21 Howie Mandel I have two daughters and a son. Who I, you know, we constantly say don't be like...

1:13:25 Adam Oh, sorry, the Brist story.

1:13:26 Drew Yes, Brist story.

1:13:26 Howie Mandel Yes, yes. Don't be like dad. So they're all normal. My wife's normal, but they create a world for me to... That I'm very comfortable in.

1:13:34 Adam Right.

1:13:34 Howie Mandel So they know I have things that I touch. I have my own little, there's a, we call it like normal, a guest bedroom, but it's actually just a place where if somebody has a cold, I can go.

1:13:44 Adam Oh, really?

1:13:44 Howie Mandel Yeah.

1:13:45 Adam Wow.

1:13:45 Howie Mandel If I sleep, if my wife is sick, or even if I'm sick, to make it easier.

1:13:49 Adam Wow. See, to me, I'm too lazy. I would embrace that lifestyle, too, but it's just... I burn too many calories. Meanwhile, I eat junk that falls on the floor. I wrestle stuff away from my dog and eat it. Like, I got nothing. I don't even know what's bad, what's good.

1:14:04 Howie Mandel But you don't know what triggers this thing. You know, I have babies and I change them.

1:14:08 Adam You do.

1:14:08 Howie Mandel They're dirty diapers. Yeah, well, they're not anymore.

1:14:11 Drew It's not irrational. It just doesn't happen. It's not rational. It's just a biology.

1:14:15 Adam All right, let's take ourselves a little break. Howie Mandel is in studio tonight. We'll take a quick break.

1:14:20 Caller Be right back after this.

1:14:22 Caller Hello, this is your radio. Love Line will be right back.

1:14:46 Howie Mandel Which of the following statements is not true? Shopping for music online is fun.

1:14:52 Shopping for clothes online is fun. Shopping for car insurance online is.

1:15:16 Adam Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Jared Leto is coming in later on in the week. Bob Saget also coming in later on in the week from The Aristocrats. And by the way, Howie Mandel in The Aristocrats, which is coming out in a wide release this Friday, the 19th, the 18th, the day before, at 11 o'clock on Bravo. You can see Hidden Howie, which is the premiere of his new TV show.

1:15:44 Howie Mandel Hidden Camera and Sitcom.

1:15:46 Adam Hidden Camera and Sitcom. And then 11.30, Monday through Thursday, you watch me on Comedy Central. And on Wednesday and Saturday, stay up till midnight, you'll see Dr. Drew.

1:15:56 Drew That's right. Tivo.

1:15:57 Adam Wow.

1:15:57 Drew I was just thinking about that system of a down song, which made me think of eating, which made me think of our crystal method. I mean our crap.

1:16:05 Adam System of Down?

1:16:06 Drew No, our other buddies. Oh.

1:16:09 Adam Oh, oh, oh. Yeah. Crystal Method.

1:16:11 Drew Crystal Method. Yeah. Somebody sent me a La Cabanita gift certificate. We had to get those guys and go over there.

1:16:17 Adam Yeah. Some of the best Mexican food in the world is this place in La Crescenta, called La Cabanita.

1:16:24 Drew Let's get them.

1:16:24 Adam Crystal Method brings us food from there. Actually, what we do is we identify bands through the food they bring us. Yeah. System of Down brings us Armenian food. Crystal Method brings us Mexican food.

1:16:35 Howie Mandel Yeah. I didn't bring anything.

1:16:36 Adam Now we brought us a tub of Purell. Let's talk to Don. It's time to play a little game called Germany or Florida. Howie, we've figured out from doing this show, actually I figured out from sitting in the writer's room over at Jimmy Kimmel Live for all those years that all bizarre stories emanate from either Germany or Florida. So here's how the game goes. Don will tell us a story and then we will guess, is it Germany or Florida? All right.

1:17:04 Drew Don, oh, this is the theme song.

1:17:07 Adam Yeah, David Allen Grier.

1:17:11 Caller Is it Germany or Florida? Hey, Germany or Florida?

1:17:22 Adam Big ending, true.

1:17:24 Let's find out. Dun, dun, ba-dun, dun, dun, ba-dun, dun, dun.

1:17:29 Adam Right out. I love the big ending.

1:17:33 Drew What does he think of that stuff?

1:17:36 He doesn't think.

1:17:37 Adam Don?

1:17:38 Caller Hi.

1:17:38 Caller Hi, guys.

1:17:40 Adam All right, go ahead, baby doll.

1:17:41 Caller Okay. Two policemen were left stunned last week after being mistaken for strippers while investigating a noise complaint. The officers were greeted by a group of women with cries of, the strippers are here when they visited the premises. Before they could explain that they were genuine police officers, the two men were surrounded by the group of very interested women. Luckily, before the Randy ladies managed to tear off their uniforms, the two terrified officers whipped out their badges to prove that they were in fact real policemen. After the excitement had calmed down, the men persuaded women to turn the music down and encourage them to wait for the real strippers. The officers' report says there were obvious disappointment on the faces of some of the party goers, Germany or Florida.

1:18:26 Drew Well I don't think in Germany they would yell the strippers are here.

1:18:29 Adam Yeah, and the other thing is, well they could have done it in German, but the point is how do you whip out the badge if you're a uniform cop and if you're not a uniform cop then they just talk to the plainclothes guys who are the strippers, you know what I'm saying?

1:18:47 Drew Maybe they sort of pointed at their badge or something, this is a real badge.

1:18:50 Howie Mandel It's a badly written story.

1:18:52 Adam Yeah, and it sounds-

1:18:53 Howie Mandel And bad writing usually comes out of Florida.

1:18:55 Drew Unless in Germany, they don't wear their badges on the outside. We don't know, see?

1:18:59 Adam What if they pulled their badge out?

1:19:01 Drew Yes, in Germany maybe they're required to keep it in their pocket or something.

1:19:06 Adam Interesting, did it say uniform policemen or just said policemen?

1:19:09 Drew It must be, if they're uniform policemen.

1:19:11 Caller Because that's how the girls are.

1:19:14 Drew You've always said the male stripper comes as a job.

1:19:17 Adam Right, why would a guy in a uniform, why would he whip out his badge? That's just bad tabloid writing. And this is just one of those wives' tales thing. It's an urban myth, I don't think it ever happens.

1:19:29 Drew Let's assume it's bad writing.

1:19:30 Adam I feel like Florida.

1:19:31 Drew I do too.

1:19:32 Adam And Howie's going to Florida?

1:19:33 Howie Mandel I went with Florida.

1:19:34 Adam We're going to Florida all the way around, Don.

1:19:37 Caller It's Germany.

1:19:38 Drew Oh, for the reasons we thought, huh?

1:19:41 Howie Mandel Maybe a German suburb.

1:19:44 Caller Well, yeah, it was in northwest Germany in the town of Bremen. And I checked it out. This is actually from...

1:19:50 Howie Mandel She checked it out.

1:19:52 Adam She checked it out...

1:19:54 Caller .newspaper. And then I double checked it.

1:19:56 Howie Mandel Double checked it. So then it must have happened.

1:19:59 Adam The whipped out the badge part probably should have...

1:20:02 Howie Mandel Normally, I wouldn't believe it, but this story has been double checked.

1:20:06 Adam Yes, yes. She checked her sources on it. She talked to Deep Throat.

1:20:11 Caller Wow.

1:20:11 Howie Mandel This wasn't only checked, this is double checked.

1:20:14 Adam Yeah.

1:20:15 Caller Wow.

1:20:15 Howie Mandel I would have never guessed.

1:20:16 Adam All right. I want to talk to Robin real quick, who had her leg straightened out. Robin?

1:20:23 Caller Hi.

1:20:24 Adam 16? Yep. What's up?

1:20:27 Caller So I heard you guys talking earlier about that kid who always had the shorter leg, then they're never around anymore. And I was like, oh my God, I have to call. I'm totally that kid.

1:20:38 Adam Yeah. But you had your leg straightened out, right?

1:20:41 Caller Yeah, I did. But I didn't have it done at birth. I had it done when I was 10.

1:20:45 Adam 10.

1:20:45 Drew Why did they wait so long?

1:20:48 Caller Because they couldn't decide how they were going to do it.

1:20:50 Howie Mandel Shorten the long one or lengthen the short one?

1:20:53 Drew What was the injury? What was the issue?

1:20:55 Caller It was just like a birth defect.

1:20:56 Caller Like by the time I was 10, there was two and a half inches difference.

1:20:59 Howie Mandel Wow.

1:21:00 Drew What did they end up doing? Just more femur?

1:21:02 Caller They put it in a fixator and stretched it.

1:21:05 Howie Mandel In a fixator?

1:21:06 Drew External fixator.

1:21:07 Caller For how long?

1:21:09 Adam I mean, every night when you went to bed?

1:21:12 Caller What happens is that they break the leg and then fix pins in it.

1:21:16 Adam Oh, they break it?

1:21:17 Drew They break it and pull it apart and distract it. Yeah.

1:21:18 Adam And then they have to put a piece in there, right?

1:21:21 Drew Not necessarily. Sometimes they get the osteoblasts to jump. It's called jumping osteoblasts.

1:21:26 Adam But they break the femur. The femur is two and a half inches apart, though?

1:21:30 Drew No, they start just...

1:21:31 Caller It actually, they broke my tibia.

1:21:33 Drew Tib fib, yeah.

1:21:34 Howie Mandel Oh. Is that painful?

1:21:37 Caller Yeah, it hurt a lot.

1:21:38 Adam I'm guessing she was...

1:21:39 Drew But you're in a way proving our point, Robin, which is that when we were in school, that would be the kid for good. He just was the guy with the short leg. They would never get it corrected.

1:21:48 Howie Mandel Wouldn't it have been easier just to get a pair of Adidas and put that block on the bottom of it?

1:21:52 Caller I couldn't buy the really cool shoes.

1:21:54 Drew I had to buy weird things. Now you're normal again, right?

1:21:57 Adam It's got to suck as a check.

1:21:58 Drew You're symmetrical now, right? Sort of.

1:22:01 Caller Pretty much. I'm going to have some heinous scars and I feel limp and it's not.

1:22:05 Adam That's all right. You know what? That just makes you accessible for the guys that aren't as hot.

1:22:10 Drew Or not only that, for all the other guys are interested, right? It's like the gazelle at the back of the pack. Yeah. They're ready to pounce.

1:22:17 Adam Yeah. Are you cute?

1:22:19 Howie Mandel No.

1:22:21 Adam Wait a minute. What's up?

1:22:23 Howie Mandel Well, you can get that fixed.

1:22:25 Adam Yeah. What's the problem? Yeah. They have stretchers for that too. What's the problem with you?

1:22:30 Caller Well, everyone always says that they're cute and I just wanted to be honest.

1:22:34 Adam Well, I know you're being honest. We appreciate that. But in your estimation, what's wrong with you physically?

1:22:40 Caller Yeah.

1:22:40 Caller A little overweight.

1:22:42 Drew Is that it?

1:22:43 Caller Well, mostly.

1:22:45 Caller I couldn't do sports as a kid because I had a thing on my leg.

1:22:49 Drew Yeah, but the weight thing is something you can take care of. See a dietician? You get going.

1:22:53 Adam So it's just a weight thing.

1:22:54 Caller And then my arm, I have a short arm too and two fingers on my right hand. So it's something I'm a little sensitive about.

1:23:04 Adam Two fingers on the right hand? Yeah. And a thumb or just the two fingers?

1:23:10 Caller Well, it was one giant hand that was stuck together. Then when I was 15 months old, they split it apart and rotated one finger. So I had like an opposable, like, turn to sort of-

1:23:20 Adam Oh, really?

1:23:21 Drew Cool.

1:23:21 Adam Wow, that's nice. See, we went to hand the injured man Lobster Boy when I was growing up.

1:23:26 Drew Right. And what would you- does your injury or issue have a name?

1:23:32 Caller I don't know.

1:23:33 Adam God hates me.

1:23:33 Drew No, have they ever called it by name or anything? Syndrome?

1:23:36 Caller No. usually like when people ask me what happens, I just say it's like a birth defect. Like I was just born that way.

1:23:41 Drew And what did happen?

1:23:42 Adam Don't they call it something though?

1:23:44 Caller I don't know. I don't pay attention.

1:23:46 Drew Robin, but for a second, give us- what is the interpretation of what happened?

1:23:51 Caller Um, I think just like that like I was just like- I asked my science teacher about it and he gave me some like crap answer about-

1:24:00 Howie Mandel Why don't you ask your mom?

1:24:01 Adam Yeah, why don't you ask your mom what the doctors told her? By the way, science teachers, these guys get 37K a year and have junior college educations and don't want to be there.

1:24:09 Caller She doesn't know either.

1:24:10 Caller She just was like, oh, you're just special.

1:24:12 Caller You're just born that way.

1:24:13 Adam You're just special. All right, well, no. Mommy OD'd on something.

1:24:17 Caller Yeah.

1:24:19 Adam All right. All right, baby. Well, look, here's the deal. Here's the thing, Robin. Don't get down on yourself because you know what?

1:24:26 Howie Mandel Let somebody else go down on you.

1:24:27 Adam Yes, you're going to overcompensate and be a great achiever in your life.

1:24:32 Drew And partner.

1:24:32 Adam That's what you're going to do. And here's the deal, too.

1:24:35 Drew Adam just decided the people like you are the people to be in business with and to be in a relationship with.

1:24:39 Adam Well, look, I'll tell you the reality is. The reality is, if you ever hire a handicapped person, they're the hardest working people on the staff. They show up early. They overcompensate and that's what you want. And by the way, you could never be fired. You can't be fired. This is better than being American Indian. You could not fire. Once you get in with any kind of corporation or anything.

1:25:01 Howie Mandel You are one lucky lady.

1:25:03 Adam They are not going to fire you. And then when you do find a guy, it might take a little longer, but when you do, he is going to love you. It's going to be all about you.

1:25:13 Drew It's a good time.

1:25:14 Adam Meanwhile, why don't you ask mom what's up?

1:25:17 Drew Just be curious.

1:25:19 Adam You're special?

1:25:21 Drew Everything happens for a reason, Adam. That's what mom would say.

1:25:23 Howie Mandel And the science teacher doesn't even know.

1:25:25 Adam Well, like I said, it's just a public school.

1:25:27 Howie Mandel Ask the geography teacher. I would ask the geography teacher.

1:25:30 Adam I don't think they teach geography in schools anymore.

1:25:32 Drew My kids are taking a full year of geography next year.

1:25:34 Adam Your kids go to school, it costs 70 grand a year.

1:25:37 Howie Mandel And nothing else, just geography.

1:25:39 Drew That's it.

1:25:41 Howie Mandel Geography and French.

1:25:42 Adam I don't even know what French was.

1:25:44 Howie Mandel They're going to grow up to be French geographers.

1:25:46 Adam We will take a little break. Howie Mandel is in Studio Night. We'll be right back after this. Hey, buddy, it's Love Line, man. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Howie Mandel is in studio tonight. You can find him on the big screen at theaters in The Aristocrats, which is out on the 19th and then the 18th Hidden Howie, which is Thursday, the 18th at 11 o'clock on Bravo.

1:26:50 Howie Mandel Thanks.

1:26:51 Adam Hey, my pleasure.

1:26:52 Howie Mandel Oh my.

1:26:53 Adam All right. Let's see. Let's talk to Kevin, who's 22. Kevin?

1:26:58 Caller Hey, how's it going?

1:27:00 Adam Oh, it's good. It's good. So we were talking earlier about how straight guys have a horrible negative visceral reaction to seeing gay erotica.

1:27:08 Caller Uh-huh.

1:27:09 Adam And you're here to say that you're straight and you have to look at gay porn sites to get off.

1:27:16 Caller Well, like you were talking earlier with Howie the Compulsion. And it's kind of like that. And I'm just calling on him, maybe get some advice.

1:27:22 Howie Mandel I think that he's not straight.

1:27:25 Drew That's what I would think, too.

1:27:26 Adam That's the only conclusion that straight guys can reach.

1:27:30 Howie Mandel You're gay and thanks for your call.

1:27:33 Adam You're gay or you're just making this call up.

1:27:36 Drew Or you're tormenting yourself in some way.

1:27:39 Adam Because you're punishing yourself.

1:27:40 Drew Well, you're saying this is part of an obsessional preoccupation you have. So tell us about it.

1:27:44 Caller Well, I mean, like I have girlfriends right now.

1:27:47 Adam And more than one.

1:27:50 Caller Yeah.

1:27:51 Howie Mandel Do they have testicles?

1:27:53 Caller No.

1:27:54 Drew Did they at one time?

1:27:56 Caller No. No, I mean, they're both attractive girls. And I mean, I'm not like a guy that has any trouble.

1:28:01 Caller All right.

1:28:01 Caller But, you know, they have these online sites where you can go to and they just, you know, list where you can go meet and hook up with other guys. And I'm just obsessed with them.

1:28:12 Caller I do do that.

1:28:13 Drew And with that, do you do that?

1:28:15 Caller I have a few times and I don't like it. And guys, you know, I'm just hoping, you know, wait a minute.

1:28:21 Adam Listen, slow down, slow down, Kevin. Look, either this is bogus or you're gay.

1:28:26 Drew That's the easier choice.

1:28:27 Adam The part, yeah, there's A or B. Bogus or gay?

1:28:30 Caller There's not a phase.

1:28:32 Adam No, this is bogus. Now it's bogus.

1:28:34 Caller It's not bogus, though. I mean, that's the thing is.

1:28:36 Adam Well, then you're gay. Look, if you're going online and meeting guys online and hooking up with them, that's what we would call gay.

1:28:44 Howie Mandel There's also this thing as being like slightly gay.

1:28:46 Adam No.

1:28:47 Howie Mandel No, you're gay.

1:28:48 Drew Well, people could argue that he's bisexual, but why would he compare himself to me?

1:28:53 Howie Mandel It's like Howie said.

1:28:54 Adam Yeah.

1:28:54 Howie Mandel He said it's like Howie said.

1:28:56 Adam Being gay is not like being American Indian, like where you're sharing your 118th Iroquois. You're 118th gay. You're gay.

1:29:03 Drew His thing is he thinks this is some sort of obsession that he can't control as opposed to looking at.

1:29:08 Howie Mandel But he went from an obsession to a phase.

1:29:11 Drew I know. The fact is.

1:29:12 Howie Mandel Yeah, I'm going through a phase where I can't shake hands.

1:29:14 Drew Well, it's gay. Right. Gay, gay, and not having trouble accepting it.

1:29:19 Adam Kevin, this is gay. Hello?

1:29:23 Caller Yeah, I'm here.

1:29:24 Adam All right.

1:29:25 Caller I've just never been told that before. That just feels weird.

1:29:28 Howie Mandel You've never been told by the guys you hooked up with that you were gay. They never mentioned to you that you might be gay.

1:29:35 Caller No.

1:29:35 Howie Mandel When another man is going down on you, you had no idea that you might be gay.

1:29:41 Caller No.

1:29:42 Howie Mandel No.

1:29:42 Adam Well, maybe they couldn't respond because your penis was in their mouth. Yeah. Listen, Kevin, this is bogus.

1:29:51 Drew Fess up.

1:29:52 Adam Fess up.

1:29:53 Caller It's really not though. I mean, it's really not. Well, look.

1:29:55 Adam Okay. Listen, Kevin, if this isn't bogus, then you have the deductive reasoning of a four-year-old. You're going out and hooking up with guys physically. You don't think that makes you gay?

1:30:08 Caller Maybe bi. I don't know. But at the same time, I hook up with girls too and I'm attracted to them.

1:30:12 Adam Yeah, like Elton John was.

1:30:14 Drew Were you sexually abused growing up?

1:30:15 Adam Something like that.

1:30:16 Caller Never. I had a completely normal upbringing.

1:30:19 Drew No sexual abuse and you've never been addicted to anything?

1:30:21 Caller Just sex.

1:30:23 Adam All right.

1:30:24 Drew What do you mean just sex?

1:30:25 Caller Well, I mean, when I'm with a girl, we have sex twice a day. Whenever there's not a girl around.

1:30:32 Drew You're describing the circumstances of if this is true, which I'm still having trouble.

1:30:38 Adam It's not adding up, Kevin. Hey, Kevin, you know the Geneva Convention of Boguosity. You got to fess up, brother.

1:30:46 Caller I really am not bogus. What were you going to say though, Drew? If this is true, what were you going to say?

1:30:50 Drew That it just absolutely have to conclude that there was a sexual abuse history there, because that's what creates these behaviors. The confusion, the compulsive sexuality, the lack of specific sexual orientation. That all adds up to that.

1:31:08 Caller The only two conclusions you can reach is either I was abused or I'm gay.

1:31:12 Drew Both. No, no, no.

1:31:13 Adam We're going to be abused and gay.

1:31:15 Drew Abused, gay, and abused or bogus.

1:31:17 Adam It's not bogus. It's bogus. Kevin, I'm hearing it in your voice. It's not coming through.

1:31:22 Caller Sorry to disappoint you guys, but it's not.

1:31:26 Adam I think you're staying with it.

1:31:28 Howie Mandel They think you were abused, gay, and a liar.

1:31:30 Drew Here's the problem. It's that unfortunately, because these are serious issues, if you're staying with it, we have to treat it with the according seriousness. If you were a sexual abuse survivor, which if you collect your history, I think you'll find something happened there.

1:31:50 Adam He says no.

1:31:51 Drew Well, and you're wondering about why you're so compulsive sexually as you described it, and you're having difficulty knowing why your sexual orientation is so difficult for you to make sense of, then go get some treatment for this and straighten things out. I've never heard of that though. Just a general therapist would be fine.

1:32:08 Adam Never had a camp counselor take a pass at you or anything?

1:32:11 Caller No, never.

1:32:12 Adam Nothing.

1:32:13 Caller Nothing.

1:32:14 Drew Well, whatever. There's something here that needs to be straightened down and figured out. Straightened is probably not the direction it's going to go.

1:32:20 Adam Something's wrong with God. Yeah. Something's wrong.

1:32:24 Drew It's a very unsatisfying call.

1:32:25 Adam Very unsatisfying. Something's wrong with that kid, and that's why I just get the bogus part.

1:32:30 Drew Yeah.

1:32:30 Adam I want to strangle him over the phone. But something wasn't adding up.

1:32:34 Caller Right.

1:32:36 Adam Drew, we've never had one of those really that we, once every-

1:32:40 Drew We've had a strong bogus feeling and it wasn't bogus.

1:32:42 Adam Once every 18 months, we have that.

1:32:45 Howie Mandel Why don't you get that girl that you had on the call before to maybe double-check?

1:32:50 Drew We have the double-checker.

1:32:51 Adam Right.

1:32:52 Drew Yeah, she's good.

1:32:52 Howie Mandel The Florida and Germany girl. Not just check him.

1:32:55 Adam Try one more time.

1:32:56 Drew Double-check.

1:32:57 Adam Now, I'm done with Kevin. I'll go to hell. Just get some therapy.

1:33:00 Howie Mandel So you guys aren't happy unless he admits that it's bogus.

1:33:02 Drew Well, there's a rule in this show.

1:33:05 Adam It's hard when the bogus bell is ringing in your head really loudly.

1:33:08 Drew Yeah, and they're talking about things that are very serious and very difficult and very painful and you can't connect with anything real, so you're talking about abstractions and it's very unsatisfying. We'll go get some treatment.

1:33:22 Adam And he's a little bit of a wise ass, a little bit curt, a little bit short, a little bit of a smart ass. All right, so get some therapy.

1:33:29 Drew Some treatment. See the mental health professional and go for it, which is unsatisfying. Here's what we're going to go at, here's what you look forward to.

1:33:35 Howie Mandel I thought we helped him. I thought we identified a gay.

1:33:38 Adam He's not going to do a thing.

1:33:39 Faggot better run.

1:33:41 Adam And he just hung up.

1:33:41 Howie Mandel Can't I feel like I helped him?

1:33:42 Drew It's a bad sign when they hang up quickly like that.

1:33:45 Adam He hung up quick.

1:33:45 Howie Mandel You're ruining it for me. I thought I helped somebody.

1:33:47 Drew We got to think of brain.

1:33:47 Howie Mandel I identified his brother.

1:33:48 Drew We do got to think of brain.

1:33:49 Adam No, you did have it.

1:33:50 Drew Thank you.

1:33:50 Adam Sammo.

1:33:51 Drew Hi.

1:33:52 Adam You're attracted to younger girls?

1:33:54 Caller I am actually, yeah.

1:33:56 Drew How young?

1:33:57 Caller Well, can I tell you something, Dr. Drew? Your call screener was challenging my use of the word hebofile.

1:34:06 Adam You don't like cheers?

1:34:09 Caller No, that's not what I'm saying, man. I'm saying like...

1:34:13 Adam Sammo sounds like a delight. What's hebofile?

1:34:16 Caller We'll look it up.

1:34:18 Howie Mandel All right. Hebofile, people that does... He does young Jews. He does young Jews.

1:34:23 Adam He cruises bot mitzvahs. We'll take ourselves a break and be right back after this.

1:34:28 Howie Mandel All right, guys. Here's the deal.

1:34:30 Howie Mandel Looking to hook up?

1:34:30 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:34:31 Howie Mandel Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:34:33 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:34:34 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:34:35 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:34:37 Howie Mandel 1-877-889. Date. If you need help, call Loveline.

1:34:45 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:35:14 Adam Yeah. Well, that's it. Great to be back, even if we even get on for the first 10 or 15 minutes. I want to thank Howie Mandel and give Howie another quick plug. Hidden Howie is going to be on Bravo 11 o'clock, August 18th, this Thursday.

1:35:30 Howie Mandel So watch me annoy people.

1:35:32 Adam Yeah. I'm going to be watching. I've seen the promos and they look provocative. Drew will be on, I'll be on Comedy Central this week. And then of course, you got the Aristocrats opening up on Friday.

1:35:43 Howie Mandel Check out other hidden cameras at howiemandel.com.

1:35:46 Adam We'll take a little extendo break and until next time this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying Mahalo.

1:35:53 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:35:57 Howie Mandel The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, August 14, 2005