Episode 1000724338114

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:04 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content.

1:07 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

1:17 Voiceover With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

1:21 Voiceover I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tomorrow we have a Jared Leto in here. And next night, I shouldn't say tomorrow, I should say Wednesday night, we have Jared Leto in here. And I call him Jared. Jared Leto.

1:43 Drew Then the great Bob Saget.

1:44 Adam Then the great Bob Saget in here from The Aristocrats.

1:47 Drew You know, I was introducing Nicole Sullivan as the great Nicole Sullivan. She goes, you know, it sounds like you're introducing a magician on a vaudevillian stage. And next, the great Bob Saget.

1:56 Adam Yeah. Well, that was pretty quick reference for a check.

1:59 Excuse my language.

2:01 Adam Yeah. All right. So Bob in here on Thursday, Jared in here on Wednesday. And tonight, just the two humble hosts. So Drew, what's up, baby doll?

2:13 Drew Oh, not much. What's wrong with you?

2:15 Adam Great or wrong?

2:15 Drew You got your life sort of in a stride now? In order?

2:20 Adam Nah, it's chaotic. It's chaotic, but it's fine.

2:23 Caller Are you talking into a mug, Drew?

2:26 Adam No, Drew was talking into a mug.

2:27 Drew How dare you?

2:29 Adam To be fair to Drew, he normally doesn't talk for the first 20 minutes of the show. So I sort of caught him off guard when I asked him a question.

2:36 Drew That's right.

2:36 Adam Yeah. He's not going to let this radio show interrupt his career drinking coffee.

2:40 Drew Of course not.

2:41 Adam I like it when every once in a while I try to take a sip off something and Drew just watches me and we have a little dead air.

2:46 Drew Nice.

2:47 Yeah.

2:47 Adam It makes me feel great. It's awesome. It's like I can never pick up a cup. Steve?

2:52 Yeah.

2:53 Adam You're 18?

2:54 Caller Yeah.

2:56 Adam What's your question?

2:58 It's about condoms and penis piercings. Mine is pierced 10 times so far. It's actually going to get pierced a lot more.

3:09 Drew Why?

3:10 Adam Sure.

3:11 Drew Why?

3:12 It's partly, I mean, I love piercings. I love getting them. I mean, I don't find anything sexual about getting a, you know, needle shoved through my penis, but.

3:23 Drew No, thank you. I don't either.

3:26 But it's just part of who I am. I mean, I like piercings. I like tattoos. I got a lot of bull.

3:32 Drew Gary is just Gary, Adam.

3:33 Adam Yeah. Thank you.

3:35 Drew Gary is just Gary.

3:37 Adam We must have watched a show tonight. That's right. Part of who you are. I don't know what that means. It just means you're F.

3:43 Drew That means nothing.

3:43 Adam Yeah. I believe everything happens for a reason.

3:46 Caller It's part of who I am.

3:47 Drew Yeah.

3:48 Adam That doesn't mean anything. And how can you have ten piercings in your penis? Where do they go?

3:53 Drew Little BBs under the skin or something?

3:56 Well, I have six lorams, which is, if you guys know what a Jacob's Ladder is, it's those except I have six of them.

4:35 Adam Great for whoever you're not trying it on. Can you imagine that thing going on in there? It's like a mace going up your ass.

4:43 Drew Yeah, like you'll notice. Remember in the medieval times had those, what was that? A mace? Yes, that is.

4:49 Adam Well, here's the old thing. Mace had a chain on it. There's also a mace that just had a stick and a ball on it with stars.

4:55 Drew That's it.

4:56 Adam Spikes sticking out. That's a mace, baby. Yeah, that was combat. No car bombs back then. No flak jackets, no C4, just all clubs.

5:06 Drew Just all maces and spheres.

5:08 Adam No medicine. It's awesome.

5:10 Drew I know.

5:11 Caller Yeah. Steve? Yeah.

5:13 The other two I have, I have a Prince Albert.

5:16 Drew All right.

5:17 Adam And an old fashioned boy.

5:19 Drew Yeah. So I'm uncomfortable enough. So what's the question?

5:22 Like, is there a special type of condom that I can use?

5:26 Adam Please. You haven't asked this the nine and a half other times you're getting your dork pierced.

5:31 No.

5:32 Drew Really?

5:33 Adam Never brought this up. This never came up?

5:36 No. I mean, I'm not a virgin. I had sex without the piercings, but-

5:43 Drew No, but you never would forget your partner. We mean at the piercing shops, you didn't ask them how to manage the piercings, all the piercings. Somebody didn't say to you, hey, Steve, next time you decide to have sex, you need this kind of condom.

5:55 Adam It's called a galosh. You just slide it right in, use this bungee cord to hold it on. Listen, I'd rather get nailed with a boot than this guy's mace.

6:04 Drew Yeah, but they do have special condoms you get at the piercing shops, all right?

6:08 All right, so I can just go into any piercing shop and get one of those?

6:11 Drew Yeah, although you may have, yeah, it sounds bogus.

6:13 Adam It sounds bogus now because I wouldn't know when this guy would be a penis expert, a piercing condom expert. And he's 18, he's too young to have all this stuff. Bogus, Steve.

6:25 I paid for one of them. My piercer's doing a project on me. So I'm getting pretty much, she's doing a bunch more and then I'm only keeping the ones that I have right now.

6:33 Adam Well, keep in mind, there's nothing you can say to talk me out of thinking you have a mental disability, Andrew. That there's something definitely and profoundly wrong with you and no matter what society says about being a free spirit or expressing yourself, there's something deeply wrong with you.

6:57 Drew Usually it's physical abuse.

6:58 Adam Whatever it is, it should be looked into. Here's the thing, everybody, if you have a compulsion to put a hole in your penis or have a compulsion to put a hole in someone else's head or a compulsion to put your dork in a 220 outlet or a compulsion to kill a hooker, don't look at it as expressing yourself. Look at it as something wrong. Stop yourself and talk to a therapist. That's what it is. It's not if you want to do it, it must be right for you.

7:26 Drew You're uncool, man. You just don't know about free spirit expression.

7:28 Adam Just knock it off, you idiots.

7:30 Drew Adam, throughout history, the first form of art was the human body. It was skin art, tattooing and piercing. It's been around since the dawn of time. That's because man has beat the crap out of his kids since the dawn of time. And that causes the man to want to do things to his own body.

7:48 Adam Yes, everybody, please, first off, the thing we have to do in society is get back to judging. We can't judge anymore, so therefore the nut jobs are left unchecked and they just spin out.

8:01 Drew Well, our legal system has been put in place to protect against.

8:06 Adam We need to judge. We need to judge for their sake.

8:10 Drew Yes, absolutely.

8:11 Adam You screwed up, people need us to judge.

8:13 Drew No, I have patients that need limits, need help with that, and they get miserable because there's no one there to put a limit on their behavior.

8:20 Adam Yes, you are doing the person a grave disservice by not judging them as a society.

8:27 Drew By putting it as just an expression, Gary's Gary.

8:29 Adam Do your own thing, yeah, Gary's Gary, yeah. All right, buddy, let's keep a-rockin. Renee? Renee, you're 24. All right, let's talk to Sammo.

8:45 Caller Hey, guys.

8:46 Adam Hey, you're 27. Didn't we talk to him last night?

8:48 Caller Yeah, I was on briefly, but you guys kind of dissed me before I actually got to the question. No.

8:52 Adam Yeah, I remember hating Sammo, but go ahead.

8:55 Drew Well, hold on a second, Sammo, one second. The fact that he's from Studio City reminds me, saw a story tonight online about some sort of giant Amazon alligator-like creature in Harbor City Lake in a park.

9:07 Adam Yeah.

9:07 Drew You heard about this?

9:08 Adam Yes, I did.

9:09 Drew It's by Long Beach.

9:10 Adam Yeah, there's a there's a gator.

9:12 Drew It's not even a gator. It's like a it's like a kimono dragon or something.

9:16 Adam Yeah, I'll tell you what it is in a second. It's not a cicada, but it's a K-lin or something. It's a it's a Kaden. I'll think of it in a second. It's related to an alligator. It's it's not a cicada. That's the grasshopper, but it sounds like that. And it's basically it's basically an alligator that's skinnier, snout, a little longer. It's not it's it's not as old as an alligator. It's only two gazillion years old. OK, it's not two kabillion gazillion years old. It's a cameo.

9:45 Drew It's a freshwater.

9:46 Adam It's a caiman.

9:47 Drew Caiman.

9:48 Adam Yeah. And, you know, still six foot long, still snap your wrist off.

9:52 Drew Yeah.

9:53 Adam Yeah. Go ahead, Sam.

9:55 Caller Yeah. So I kind of have a two part question.

9:57 Adam All right.

9:58 Caller I guess the first part would be the fact that I find myself attracted to teenage girls and I've always been curious about what the sort of causality is about that kind of condition. What is it that normally causes people to have that particular fetish?

10:14 Adam Well, when you say teenage girls, what are you talking about?

10:17 Drew How old?

10:18 Caller I would say like 16, maybe, maybe a little younger than that, but that's probably.

10:24 Drew Well, I mean 16 year olds can look 25. Well, like somebody looks like a young person.

10:29 Caller True.

10:30 Drew Did something happen to you when you were 12, 14?

10:33 Caller Well, here's the, that's the second part of my question. I do have sort of vague memories from being really, really young, like maybe four years old, and kind of making out with my little sister who was two years younger than me. Sort of like playing quote unquote games where we kind of like kissed and stuff like that. And I want to know if that qualifies as abuse.

10:56 Drew Not really. No. It's a weird boundary violation.

11:00 Adam If somebody put you up to it or what the environment was, you sound a little nerdy, Sammo.

11:05 Caller Is that right?

11:07 Adam Yeah.

11:07 Caller Yeah. Well, I don't know. That's a judgment call.

11:11 Adam You do something with computers?

11:13 Caller No. I'm a musician.

11:17 Adam Play the... Play the oboe?

11:20 Caller No.

11:20 Adam What do you play?

11:21 Caller I play guitar, piano, drums.

11:24 Adam So you went to a good school, family, has money, that kind of thing?

11:29 Caller I'm a middle class family. I went to CalArts.

11:33 Adam All right. And do you have a girlfriend now?

11:36 Caller No. I'm just kind of dating.

11:38 Adam Well, here's the whole thing about a lot of these fantasies. There's not a guy live that doesn't like a hot 16-year-old. That's the bottom line. And I don't do anything about it, but you appreciate it. And theoretically, it's nice to have a 16-year-old that looks like she's 19, not a 16-year-old that looks like she's 11.

11:59 Drew Right. And I get the feeling that he's heading down the food chain.

12:02 Adam Yeah.

12:03 Drew The chronological chain anyway.

12:04 Adam Yeah.

12:05 Drew He sort of this is his entry level.

12:08 Adam He also sounds harmless. And he also sounds like a guy who might just have a strong fantasy component.

12:15 Drew OK.

12:16 Adam Which is interesting, which is I think a lot of guys, there's some guys who just meet potato guys like, well, let's talk about this for a second, Drew. They're men like yourselves. They're passionate, passionate men. But here's the thing. Some guys are content to just sort of have a little bit of a fantasy life and they can they can go off on that fantasy life and they can make it a year without any physical contact.

12:44 Drew Yes, just because of the fantasy. Yes.

12:45 Adam And they're usually guys who just start up in their head a little bit more. They're more sort of they're usually sometimes smarter guys, but just and then they're the guys that just have the old reptilian brain and they need contact and they'll go out and get a hooker. They don't care. They don't care what the chick looks like. Be nice if she was hot, but hey, it's Friday night. I need a release. What are you going to do?

13:08 Drew The guys that are always not me.

13:10 Adam Okay. Thursday night. Pardon me. The guys like Sammo are sort of up in their head a little bit more and they have this rich fantasy life and they go wild without women and nothing ever really materializes. They aren't aggressive. They don't act on it. They don't close. They don't drink with testosterone.

13:29 Caller You know guys, I have to interrupt there because I think it might change your opinion to know that I actually had a sexual relationship with a 16 year old girl.

13:37 Drew When you were how old? 14.

13:39 Like earlier this year.

13:41 Caller Oh.

13:42 Drew That's, you're a serial criminal.

13:43 Caller So I think you kind of missed the bullseye a little bit on that one.

13:47 Drew So you're a criminal.

13:48 Caller Well, technically, yes.

13:51 Drew What do you mean technically? What are there?

13:52 Adam Well, that's that's how it goes.

13:54 Caller Well, there's morally, there's morally criminal and then there's legally criminal. You know what I'm saying?

13:59 Adam And then sometimes there's both.

14:01 Drew There's morally reprehensible and there's legal and there's criminal.

14:04 Adam Yeah.

14:04 Drew Criminal is a criminal. You violated a very serious law.

14:08 Adam Yeah.

14:09 Caller Well, I'm not going to defend myself. You know, I'm here to understand why I'm doing this.

14:14 Drew That's just the fact. All right. That's the fact. So here's the problem is that you have to get a handle on this before you harm other people or harm yourself.

14:21 Caller Right.

14:22 Drew And there is a treatment center for this in Torrance.

14:25 Caller Okay.

14:26 Drew Called Delamo Treatment Center. That specifically goes at this. Now, I'm concerned that that connection with your sister may have been so arousing and so deep that it became a template for the kinds of relationship you started looking for in your adult life.

14:38 Caller Well, that's what I'm trying to understand. All right.

14:40 Adam Well, what about the theory that one out of every 150 eyes is this going to be in the teenagers?

14:46 Drew Yeah, but I coincidentally had the, you know, make-an-out session with the 26 with this little, yeah, there's a little, but here's the, Sam, this is not, getting over this is not an intellectual process. Right. It's not about understanding. Okay. It's not about insight. It's about having emotional experiences with other people that sort of rewires the way you regulate feelings and experience yourself with other people. And I know that there's something doesn't, maybe doesn't make sense, but it's a much deeper experience that needs to be had to get through this.

15:15 Adam What happened with the 16-year-old? How long did you guys go out?

15:20 Caller I would say the whole thing lasted maybe three months. And we only saw each other like once every couple, three weeks or something like that.

15:28 Adam Why so little?

15:29 Drew You saw her only six times total?

15:32 Caller I'd say maybe around 10 times total.

15:35 Drew Little less than that. And you slept with her every time?

15:39 Caller I'm sorry?

15:39 Drew You slept with her every time?

15:41 Caller Pretty much every time, yeah.

15:43 Drew All right, so we can say that she's also in trouble, too.

15:46 Adam Did you, who broke up with who?

15:49 Caller It was kind of mutual. I mean, the whole thing was always surprisingly casual to me.

15:55 Drew My 16-year-old, she's a trauma survivor. That's why she's just acting out sexually.

15:59 Adam Yeah, all right.

16:01 Caller Yeah, well, I know a little bit of her story, too, and I can...

16:03 Adam Yeah, I'm sure...

16:05 Caller .surmise why she has her own...

16:07 Adam Right. OK, listen, so you're up in your head...

16:09 Drew Stop with the surmise, Sam.

16:10 Caller All right.

16:11 Drew That's not how you deal with this.

16:12 Adam Listen, now here's the thing. Not only are you going to be a nuisance to others, but yourself, too. You're going to get into trouble. Somebody's... here's the thing. You're going to go out with people or attempt to go out with people or have sex with people that were victimized in the past. And those people are going to break up or you're going to break up, and then three weeks later, they're going to decide you rape them.

16:36 Drew Yes.

16:36 Adam And then the phone's going to ring and the sheriffs are going to show up at the house.

16:39 Drew Absolutely.

16:39 Adam And because their uncle raped them repeatedly when they were nine, that's right. They look at every sexual encounter's rape and you'll be the latest on their hit list. And guess what?

16:47 Drew Basically, that is what Sam was doing. Well... In a way, that's right.

16:50 Adam The problem is, is even if she came on to you and even if she has a C-Cop, it doesn't matter in the eyes of the law.

16:57 Drew You're doing the raping.

16:58 Adam And you can get... you know, I think people think the guys with the statutory rape, they think, wow, she was willing, a willing partner, compasquette, nothing to do with that.

17:08 Drew They cannot render consent. They're incapable of consenting.

17:11 Adam Right, because they're women.

17:12 Drew Well, they're under 18.

17:13 Adam Oh, under 18.

17:14 Drew In the eyes of the law, they don't render consent.

17:17 Adam But the eyes of God, they never should be able to render consent. All right, give yourself some help, Sam. He gave me a creepy, eerie, sort of calculated feeling.

17:28 Drew Remind me a little bit of that guy, Jim James, who had the Akita-Kali mix.

17:33 Adam Yes.

17:33 Drew Doesn't it remind you of that?

17:34 Adam Yes, there's a cadence and a tone that all these guys have, which is they're intelligent, but they're, they sort of-

17:42 Drew Do you want to ask if he does weird stuff with animals?

17:44 Adam He just really doesn't.

17:46 Drew Samo?

17:47 Caller Hey, what's up?

17:49 Drew A little too bright and cheerful for that group.

17:51 Adam That's all right.

17:51 Caller I'm also really stoned right now.

17:53 Caller I don't know if that has any impact.

17:54 Drew Have you ever done anything weird with animals?

17:56 Caller No, I just-

17:59 Adam I don't know if he's bogus or not. Tina?

18:02 Yes.

18:02 Adam You're 26?

18:04 Caller Oh, yeah.

18:05 Hi.

18:05 Adam Drew, can we please stop talking to men on this show?

18:07 Drew Yes.

18:08 Adam Tina?

18:09 Yes.

18:09 Caller Hello.

18:10 Drew Hello.

18:10 Adam What's happening?

18:12 Caller I have a problem.

18:13 I no longer want to have sex with my husband.

18:16 Caller And I don't know if it's chemical or physical or what, but I never ever want to sleep with him.

18:22 Drew When did this start?

18:25 Caller It's been a while now. How long?

18:29 Adam Four children.

18:30 Caller I do. Four children.

18:31 It's been a few years. It's been a few years. I'd say it's been a while.

18:36 My oldest son's eight and it kind of happened after that.

18:38 Drew Oh boy. Yeah. Your oldest son. So it happened after the first child?

18:45 Caller Yes.

18:46 Drew Could it have anything to do with the pregnancy? You just have no libido or do you?

18:50 Caller I don't know. I don't know what it is and I feel horrible.

18:52 Drew Hold on. Hold on. You have to examine this. Are you having desire for other men?

18:57 Caller Not any.

18:59 Caller I mean, come on. I mean, you know, like people who are unattainable rock stars, things like that.

19:03 I mean, people that you never, you know, could ever possibly encounter.

19:06 Drew Tina, that's not what I'm asking. I'm just asking, do you have sexual feelings?

19:10 Adam Well, about mythical characters like Zeus and Hercules.

19:13 Caller Bambi. Yeah, I do.

19:16 Adam Yeah. Wait a minute, Tina. Here's what's going on. You've been married for 10 years?

19:22 Caller I've been not married for 10 years.

19:24 Caller I've been with my husband for almost 10 years.

19:25 Drew Since you were 16?

19:27 Caller Since I was 16, yes.

19:28 Drew Oh, boy.

19:29 Adam Here's the thing, even if you don't want to be with somebody else, your mind convinces you that maybe you should try somebody else because you've never been with other people. And even if you have, I don't count 14 and a half. I mean, you've never been an adult in a relationship. And here's the thing.

19:48 Drew Women, that's the way a guy would think though.

19:49 Adam No, guys have that in spades. Women have that in clubs, in diamonds.

19:57 Drew But don't you think that more could be to do with how the relationship is going, how she feels about him?

20:03 It's usually that too.

20:04 Caller I love him very much.

20:05 I'm very much in love with my husband.

20:07 Caller I have no sexual drive.

20:10 Caller I mean, just none.

20:11 Adam Okay, so here's the order that we work in. One is, is everything cool with him? Is he paying attention to your needs? Is he?

20:22 Caller He's great. He would.

20:23 Drew All right, fine, stop.

20:25 Adam Check that off the list.

20:26 Drew Next.

20:27 Adam Number two, you've had four kids and that can really screw you up. And you haven't not, you know, you've been pregnant every other month.

20:34 Drew Have you talked to a gynecologist about this? And then finally, as a corollary to all that is, are you on medication? Do you take birth control of some type?

20:42 Caller No, nothing like that.

20:43 My babies are one, two, and three.

20:46 Caller I don't know if that has anything to do with it.

20:48 Drew Well, first of all, one, it's typical to be completely shut down for up to a year after pregnancy. It's God's way of trying to prevent another child from coming in the heels of the first one. And you've been pregnant each year for the last three years. So basically for three or four years, you would naturally biologically be shut down. Right.

21:08 Adam Yeah. All right. The other part is, and this is the part-

21:11 Drew No medication.

21:12 Adam This is the part-

21:13 Caller At all.

21:14 Adam Now, the part that seems to be ringing true is the part where you've been with a guy for ten years and are just wondering what it might be like to be with another guy.

21:23 Caller That's the whole thing is I really don't wonder what it's like to be with another guy.

21:27 Adam All right. Well, then you better first stop crapping out kids for the love of Christ.

21:33 Drew Why are you not on birth control?

21:35 Caller He's fixed. He's fixed.

21:38 Drew You're on no medication of any type. No over-the-counter medicine, nothing.

21:41 Caller All right.

21:41 Adam Now you need to go to your gynecologist and see about getting on something to kickstart yourself. Maybe in a little testosterone.

21:47 Drew Testosterone, birth control pill, that will help tremendously. You got to look into this, Tina.

21:52 Caller Okay.

21:52 Drew Women do not pay enough attention. Women do not pay enough attention to their biological circumstances. They have hand pause and they think, oh, I guess I'm done. No, there are ways to get things kickstarted. Estrogen makes you feel receptive, testosterone gives you drive, and if these things have been shut down by pregnancy, you're going to feel like sex is sort of meaningless. It doesn't make sense to even.

22:12 Adam Are you, do you give them a little oral sex or what do you give them?

22:17 Caller I mean, yeah, I guess.

22:18 I don't, not all the time, but sure.

22:20 Adam All right, but not so much.

22:22 Yeah, I feel bad for him.

22:23 Drew She does love him, Adam.

22:24 Adam She does. Okay, all right. And look, here's the thing about guys. We don't care about you throwing us a pity bone every once in a while, or letting us throw you a pity bone. And we'll take it. There's none of that like, well, look, if you're not into it, then I'm not it.

22:39 Drew When you throw the bone to your dog, does he go, oh, excuse me, Mr. Corolla, I asked for this three hours ago.

22:44 Adam I'm not having it. No, no, here's, no, let me give you a better example. When you're eating and something falls off the table, your dog doesn't go, whoa, hold on. I'm not your vacuum cleaner, buddy. You dropped that. You didn't give it to me. You didn't want to give it to me. That wasn't meant for me. That meatball rolled off the table. So thanks, but no thanks. No, the dog pounces.

23:04 Drew That's a guy.

23:05 Adam That's how guys are sexually.

23:06 Drew That's absolutely.

23:07 Adam We don't care if you want to have sex, you don't want to have sex, you're unconscious. This is why roofies were invented, by the way, because if we're guys, we don't care. What? Oh, you want to have sex? Here's $100. There's no good prostitution. There's no way you're having sex with me. Here's $500. Think about that concept. That isn't even the meatball that rolled off the table. That's right.

23:32 Drew That's begging.

23:32 Adam I'm 50. I'm fat. I'm hairy. I want to get laid. You're 19. You don't want to bang me. But you do want to make a payment on your Jeep Wrangler. Here we go. Here we go. Game on. Do I feel bad about it? Well, it would have been nicer if it was $350. But here's $500.

23:50 Drew Yeah.

23:50 Adam Yeah. Nothing. That's all you need to know about guys. I don't care.

23:54 Caller Yeah.

23:55 Adam Yeah.

23:55 Caller That's it.

23:56 Adam That's right. All right. That's why we fight the wars and build the dams, by the way. We're not into it. We like to sit around and think about why we do stuff or whose feelings may get hurt if we declare war. What could possibly happen? We just let's go. Let's do it.

24:09 Drew Break it down.

24:09 Adam Break it down. Yeah. And I know the man would love you to believe that we build the dams because we wouldn't let you ladies build the dams. I'm sure you're great dam builders. That's why you've never built one in the course of history. Not one chick's ever built one goddamn dam. But that's just the man holding them down.

24:26 Drew Well, that's some engineers now, though. Come on.

24:28 Adam No, not with any dams. No, occasional lesbian rolls out, you know, but that's just from Caltech looking at seismographs and stuff.

24:39 Drew I went into the building where Richter invented his whole scale. It's in my neighborhood. It was bizarre.

24:46 Adam Oh, who cares, Drew? What year was that?

24:49 Drew Must have been the 20s.

24:50 Adam All right. We will take ourselves a little break. When we come back, Jen, you've been dating 30-year-old guy for past six months. He's not into sex. We'll discover why after this.

25:09 Now, back to Love Line, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew on Live 105.

25:21 Adam Yeah, it's Love Line, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191-er. Jared Leto in here on a Wednesday, pop second in here on Thursday. And it's back to the phones we go.

25:36 Caller Here's my language.

25:38 Adam Speak to Jen, who's 20. Jen.

25:41 Caller Hi.

25:41 Adam What's up, baby doll?

25:43 Caller How are you today?

25:44 Drew Good.

25:45 Caller Good.

25:46 Caller Good.

25:47 Caller OK, so here's my question.

25:49 Caller I'm 20, my boyfriend's 30. We've been together for about the last six months and we do live together. We've lived together for about the last three. And I'm really, really sexual. I like to have sex a lot. She's a sensual girl. Sometimes he just doesn't or he can't. And I don't know why. I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me or if he's, there's something wrong with him or...

26:16 Drew What are you asking him to do?

26:18 Just nothing crazy.

26:21 Drew No, I don't mean exactly what act. I mean, how often?

26:24 Adam How often?

26:25 Caller Like, probably like once a day.

26:28 Drew Well, some guys, that can be tough.

26:30 Adam Yeah.

26:31 Drew What's he good for? What does he want to do?

26:34 Caller Um, seeing with him, it's very unpredictable. I never know. He'll just be, like, sometimes he'll come at me, like, three or four times a day, and then sometimes it won't be for two weeks.

26:46 Adam Yeah. Here's the thing about guys.

26:49 Drew They freak out.

26:50 Adam Well, here's what ends up happening with a lot of stuff. Almost all things in life. You decide you don't want to do something for no great reason. You decide you don't want to. Then somebody starts coming at you and wanting you to do it. The next thing you know, you're running. From something that you would have normally not even run from.

27:07 Drew Or might want to do.

27:08 Adam Or even might want to do. It's just when somebody comes at you and tries to change your mind, you start dragging your feet and it becomes this weird dance that you do. So I don't know. Him wanting to go three, four times a day and then not wanting to go at all for two weeks is a pretty crazy cadence.

27:27 Drew It's a little weird. I don't know what that would be. Have you talked to him about this?

27:33 Caller Yeah, I've asked him. The only thing he can say is that he thinks that there could maybe be something wrong with him, like that he might need to go to a doctor and get checked out.

27:45 Drew Was he on medication?

27:47 Caller No.

27:48 Drew I don't know there's anything wrong with him. Why don't you guys try to hit a more reasonable pace that he'd like to be able to keep up with, like twice a week, three times a week, something like that.

27:56 Adam When a guy says there might be something wrong with me, it makes me suspicious. Yeah.

28:00 Drew It's like, why would he say that?

28:01 Adam Why don't you just volunteer that? And what does he know? And what do 30-year-old guys know about something being wrong with him? And if there is something wrong with him, why isn't he at the doctor?

28:10 Drew And it sounds like he's covered for something.

28:13 Adam What's this guy do for a living, Jen?

28:15 Caller He's a bartender.

28:17 Caller Uh-uh.

28:18 Adam That's where you met him, right?

28:20 Caller Yeah.

28:21 Drew Maybe that's where he's meeting the other girls that he's trying to keep up with.

28:24 Adam What's he want to do? Because guys that are 30 and bartending want to be musicians or writers or something.

28:29 Caller He wants to actually own a bar.

28:32 Adam He wants to own a bar.

28:33 Drew It's a novel. All right.

28:35 Adam Well, he can either own one or just never leave the one he's at. It's really the same as owning. It's like, pretty much. Your apartment turns into a condo if you die in it.

28:42 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

28:43 Adam Think about it. Because all you do is you make your payment.

28:46 Drew That's that.

28:47 Adam That's that. And you die. Hey, do you, is this guy, well, you guys live together.

28:54 Caller Yeah.

28:56 Adam Here's the thing. I don't totally trust the bartenders and I knew he picked you up that way because that's what you do when you're a bartender. By the way, you're underage. I don't know what you're doing at the bar. Yeah.

29:08 Drew By the way.

29:09 Caller Yeah.

29:10 Drew Is he doing drugs?

29:11 Caller I met him through a friend of mine. We have a mutual friend.

29:14 Drew At the bar.

29:15 Adam Here's a friend. The friend said, Sherry, get me a scotch.

29:18 Drew Yeah. Isn't he cute?

29:20 Caller Yeah.

29:20 Drew You should talk to him. Yeah. Is he doing pot or alcohol?

29:24 Caller He drinks a lot.

29:26 Drew All right. Well, this could be that. Maybe when he's not drinking so much, he can be performed better sexually.

29:31 Caller And he used to smoke pot, but he doesn't anymore.

29:33 Drew All right. But I would definitely look into the alcohol. And maybe that's what he's talking about, something being wrong. Maybe he's even doing more than alcohol. You don't know it.

29:40 Adam Yeah. And he keeps weird hours, right?

29:45 Caller Well, not too weird.

29:46 Caller I mean, he's usually home by five.

29:51 Caller Five?

29:52 Drew Five in the morning?

29:53 Caller But I'm usually with him.

29:55 Drew With five p.m. or five a.m.?

29:56 Caller Five a.m. But I'm usually with him.

29:59 Drew That's not weird hours. No, I stay corrected. Well, what's the matter with you?

30:02 Adam Well, I remember my dad used to come home by 4.35 every morning.

30:05 Drew Who doesn't? It's normal hours.

30:07 Adam Yeah. It's, honey, I'm home, and we'd all sit down for dinner about 6 a.m. And then, of course, we'd all go to bed about 7 a.m. And then we'd get up about three in the afternoon, and we'd eat breakfast 3.34 in the afternoon, and have some nice scrambled eggs and hash. And then lunch, midnight. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's not keeping weird hours. It comes on about 5 a.m. And last call is at 1.30.

30:33 Drew She's with him. What's she doing?

30:35 Adam What's going on at 5? I just want to party with these people. I'm jealous. Jen, what are you doing?

30:41 Caller What? Like for work?

30:42 Adam Yeah.

30:43 Caller I waitress.

30:44 Drew At the same bar?

30:46 Caller No, no, no, no.

30:47 Drew Why are you there at 3 in the morning, 4 in the morning?

30:50 Adam By the way, everyone that gives us the multiple machine gun, no, we'll take the first one.

30:53 Drew Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's like, no, not at all.

30:56 Adam How many bullets did it take to kill Lincoln? Just the first one.

31:00 Drew No, no, no.

31:01 Adam That's just no. It's good.

31:02 Caller No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

31:05 Adam Just you work the same bar?

31:07 Caller No.

31:07 Drew No, no, no.

31:08 Caller No, no, no.

31:09 Drew No, not at all.

31:10 Adam No, no, no. Yeah. So you're done cocktailing about 2 a.m.?

31:16 Caller No, I get off work usually by like 11, and then I'll go and I'll hang out with him, like at the bar, because my friends go there too. And then I usually help him close up, and then we usually will hang out there.

31:28 Drew Should we ask what bar? Just for the amusement?

31:30 Adam You'll hang out there for a while and have a few drinks? Yeah. And never multiple yes. Never yeah.

31:38 Caller Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

31:39 Adam It's just no. No, no, no, no, no.

31:40 Drew I think we could get the DEI. Who would be investigating this? The ITF people.

31:46 Adam Okay. So this is a weird schedule you guys are on. And he's coming home.

31:51 Drew Everyone's drinking a lot.

31:52 Adam He's coming home drunk every night about 4:35 a.m. and then sleeping till 2 in the afternoon.

32:00 Drew Could be other drugs involved here.

32:01 Adam Let me say this as well. Man. See, everyone thinks man was just meant to sleep eight hours. And that was it. And it didn't matter if that eight hours was from noon till 8 p.m. Or it didn't matter if that eight hours was from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. Just eight hours. Contrary, mon frère. The deal is, is you pretty much are supposed to be going to bed about 10 and getting up about six in terms of how nature and God and the harvest God has it worked out. Human beings. And no matter what you do and no matter what your schedule is, no matter how you work it out, you're just not supposed to have your feet hanging out in the daylight while you're sleeping for eight hours a day. And once in a while you try it and it's always effed up.

32:43 Drew And to those of you who say, oh, how about people sleeping around the world? Yes, they're sleeping on the other side of the world in the cyclical daily elements that are appropriate to that phase of the day.

32:54 Adam It doesn't work.

32:55 Drew Your body reacts to the light, it reacts to the dark.

32:57 Adam They have...

32:58 Drew All those things are in your biological rhythms and your body responds.

33:02 Adam There's evidence to suggest that even your body parts sort of being out in the light underneath the cover can react to the light. So go into bed at five or six in the morning every day and then sleep until two in the afternoon and go into bed drunk and then pull it all night or the next night. This guy's scrotum is going to be all over the calendar this way. He might not be able to find his equilibrium. If he was a guy, if he was a girl, he would stop menstruating.

33:32 Drew And don't even... Or she would, you don't even need that above and beyond the alcohol, but yeah, he would.

33:36 Adam Right.

33:37 Drew But I was just thinking, you know, your big, your lovey shade. Yeah, my big padded eye shade. A huge one that goes over the entire body.

33:43 Adam Yeah, it's called a casket. I'm working on it.

33:45 All right, good.

33:46 Adam All right. So talk to him. But some...

33:48 Drew Yeah, this is not a good relationship.

33:50 Adam Unhealthy lifestyle.

33:51 Drew This is a not good situation. She's underage, drinking heavily, he's drinking with her. They're at the bar.

33:56 Caller They're at the bar.

33:57 Drew Yeah, that's a bad thing.

33:58 Adam Amanda?

33:59 Caller Yeah?

34:00 Adam 17?

34:02 Caller Yep.

34:02 Adam You ready to play a little Germany or Florida?

34:05 Caller Yep.

34:06 Adam All right, baby, shoot.

34:08 Caller A builder admitted stealing hundreds of pairs of ladies' underwear because he likes to wear them for work. Police arrested the 23-year-old for stealing panties from neighbors' clothing line after he was trapped by one of his victims. A 53-year-old woman had her husband install a lotion sensor under the wash line to catch the thief. After he was arrested, the man reportedly told the police, I like wearing women's panties to work, but was too embarrassed to buy any for myself, which is why I took my neighbors, Germany or Florida.

34:41 Drew And to work as a builder, is that what she described his work as?

34:44 Adam Carpenter, builder, yeah.

34:46 Drew Can you describe for me, Adam, what exactly that guy would be doing? Slop in a hall and drywall?

34:52 Adam Well, that guy, yeah, it's probably a roofer. Here's the thing. First off, it's the height of technology, meaning low tech, the clothesline with the motion detector camera under it. You know what I mean?

35:06 Drew Yes, nice.

35:07 Adam Think about that.

35:08 Drew Yes.

35:09 Adam The other, that is old school meets new school.

35:12 Drew Now would that be Germany?

35:13 Adam Well, the clothesline thing feels German to me because I just haven't seen a clothesline in a long time.

35:18 Drew It feels Florida to me.

35:20 Adam Well, I know the weather seems more like it, but it's just...

35:23 Drew I'm on a clothesline. I've never seen a bunch of clotheslines down there.

35:27 Adam It seems so antiquated. The clothesline...

35:29 Drew They have those ones on the little sort of fairy-go-round, merry-go-round.

35:32 Adam Yeah. Oh, no, we had one of those. It's like an antenna.

35:36 Drew Yes.

35:37 Adam Except for you hang stuff off it. Yes. Yeah. Oh, the Corollas were smart and did not... Mom did not get the first dryer in the Corolla house until well after I'd moved out. In the 80s. Yeah. You understand just a little window into the Corollas, everybody. There was a time and there was my grandparents who lived in North Hollywood, my mom and stepdad who lived in North Hollywood, and my dad who lived in North Hollywood. And there was a time when all three adult couples, one of them, two couples mid-40s, the others 60s or 70s, combined age, 450 years old. Not one goddamn dryer between the three adult couples. And now, we're into the mid-70s, early 80s. Not a dryer.

36:26 Wow.

36:28 Adam When you're living there in that F'd up devil's triangle, you don't even think about it. It's not close.

36:32 Drew Was there a washing machine?

36:33 Adam There was.

36:34 Drew Dishwasher?

36:36 Adam There was one washing machine and zero dryers between the three adult couples living in homes. Average age, 54.

36:44 Caller Oh.

36:46 Adam What idiots.

36:49 Caller Do you know what I mean?

36:50 Caller Yeah.

36:50 Adam Jesus Christ. One pair of socks for football, you'd wash them and have to hang them over the heater. So, you know, when you don't have a dryer, you have to time everything.

37:00 Drew Washing by hand?

37:01 Adam No, you'd wash them in the... We had a washing machine. The one washing machine was at my mom's house. You'd wash stuff, but then you had to time it. Like, if you want to wear this tomorrow, you got to wash it tonight. And if it's cold tonight, you got to put it over the heater. It's like, so much work to be cheap. All the trips and hanging and stuff and stuff, sock falls and burns on the heater. It's like, idiots. Where was I? It feels like Florida. The panties think, I'm going Germany. You'll go Florida. All right, I'm going Germany. Amanda?

37:33 Caller Germany.

37:34 Drew Oh, yeah, nice.

37:36 Caller Damn, hell yeah.

37:37 Caller Hell no. I have one too if you want it.

37:40 Drew Another one?

37:41 Caller Huh?

37:42 Drew You have another one?

37:42 Adam No, I'm tapped out.

37:43 Drew Call back with that one.

37:44 Adam Emotionally tapped. Just hang on if you have another one. We'll get back to you. All right, we're gonna take a little break. When we come back, we're gonna speak to Scott who has an abnormal amount of pre... I hate that word. How to minimize or control it. Ooh, that's a kiddie litter. That's a decent question. Also, I want to tell everyone to watch my show tonight. Got a good show tonight. Louis CK., the comedian, was on tonight. He was actually very funny. I wasn't all that familiar with his work. But too late, Adam Corolla, Comedy Central, everybody. 11.30 every night. Take a quick break. Be right back after this.

38:35 Now back to Love Line. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. 1-9-1-0-5.

38:45 Adam Yeah, buddy. Whoo!

38:47 Get it on!

38:49 Caller Yeah, get it on.

38:51 Adam No choice but to get it on. Have to get it on mandate to get it on.

38:55 Caller You know what I'm saying?

38:56 Drew Mandate, get it on mandate.

38:59 Adam Yeah. Oh, Ace to Ace. This is Ace Collins saying, get it on. Got to get it on.

39:06 Drew Yeah.

39:06 Adam Yeah.

39:07 Drew Well, you're going to Pebble Beach this weekend. Oh, yeah.

39:11 Adam You're going to get it on.

39:12 Drew You are, indeed.

39:13 Adam Got to get it on. Love them cars. Here's the other thing too. There's cars and then there's cars. A lot of idiots out there with the, I like the muscle cars from the 60s. Oh boy.

39:27 Drew You do like them. You like Titus.

39:29 Adam No, me? No, I don't like them.

39:30 Drew Remember Titus and all that stuff?

39:31 Adam I know a lot of guys like muscle cars.

39:34 Junk.

39:35 Adam To me, those are just junk. I don't like them. You know what's weird? They're guys that like stuff and then you like stuff and then you find out what stuff they like and you go, oh man, no. Like you say, oh I love military aircraft. They go, oh I love military aircraft too. And you go, oh great. And then they go, those old triplanes from World War I with the canvas, nothing better. And you're like, ugh, yuck. And then their guys are like, yeah, I love auto racing. You're like, I love auto racing. They're like, yeah, I love that Winston Cup NASCAR. And you're like, yeah, yuck. I remember one time I was talking to Bob Ringwald, who was Molly Ringwald's dad years ago.

40:16 Drew Blind guy.

40:17 Adam Blind guy. Great piano player.

40:19 Drew Hmm, interesting.

40:21 Adam Bob Ringwald, the Ringwalds grew up down the street from me when I was a kid. And they got a weird story, you know, they came out here from Sacramento and dad's blind and dad plays keyboards and honky-tonks and by the way, dad was just completely blind and dad would just head down the street with that stick and I'd be like, where are you going? And he'd be like, I'm going down to Chandler Boulevard. Get on the bus. Take that down to Van Nuys. I gotta go to the courthouse today. Like I couldn't get there.

40:49 Drew You couldn't do it with eyes.

40:51 Adam No, couldn't, not on a bus. I'd screw up and end up at Fox Hills Mall. I mean, there's no way. He just moved around. He was just mobile and...

41:00 Drew What note did he learn to play without his sight?

41:02 Adam Yeah, I guess he learned to play the piano without his sight.

41:05 Drew Is that what he did for a profession?

41:07 Adam Yeah, yeah. Well, that's what you do when you're blind. See, that is string beads. Or do it simultaneously.

41:13 Drew I'm just saying.

41:14 Adam Oh, it's a crazy story, crazy family. But anyway, I remember saying to him once, he said to me, today, there's two things I love. I love jazz and I love comedy. And I thought, wow, I like jazz and I like comedy too. And he said, that's right, Dixieland and Gallagher. And I thought, oh, my, oh. And then I realized, wow, people can like different stuff in the same category.

41:40 Drew Yeah, disappointing.

41:41 Adam It's disappointing.

41:43 Drew More at this point, it's a letdown.

41:44 Adam It's a letdown, yes. You find a lot of guys who claim they like cars and then they like the Novas and the Chevales and all that crazy straight axle, leaf spring, drum break, American iron block, push rod crap. And they don't like the cool stuff, the Jags and Ferraris and everything. So much cooler. It's the difference between a Learjet and just like saying you like a Cessna over a Learjet because it's got a bigger engine or something. Stupid guys. A lot of guys are dumb. Scott?

42:14 Caller Yeah.

42:15 Adam You're 17?

42:16 Caller Yeah.

42:17 Adam What's up?

42:17 Caller The reason I was calling is...

42:20 Adam Oh yeah. Pre-com.

42:22 Caller Yeah. When I'm about to like have sexual relations or you know like I'm with a girl like that, I have or at least what I think is like an abnormal amount of... Yeah.

42:36 Adam Drew.

42:36 Drew Gasket.

42:38 Adam Is that a gasket or is that just a manifestation of his enthusiasm?

42:44 Drew I think it's just him. Just a gasket.

42:46 Adam Or both.

42:47 Drew Well, certainly you have to have a moderate amount of enthusiasm to be doing that.

42:51 Adam Right.

42:52 Drew Sort of like a...

42:53 Adam But all guys are into that.

42:55 Drew But it's just him.

42:57 Adam Percentage of guys that get the gasket leak.

43:00 Drew 5%, 10%. I mean significant amounts.

43:02 Adam Significance has 5 or 10 and another 50% that have something.

43:06 Drew Another 70% probably have something.

43:08 Adam 70% at least. Me, you could put a piece of tissue on the end of it. A little piece of litmus paper on the end would just trickle down to the ground. Flutter down to the ground. Nothing. You know what I'm saying?

43:21 Drew Yeah, I hear you.

43:23 Adam Scott?

43:24 Drew Not Scott. So what's the question about it?

43:26 Adam There's not much you can do. Break a Q-tip off in there.

43:28 Drew Yeah, nothing you can do. Just make sure you wear a condom and don't have any penetrative sex at all without protection.

43:35 Caller All right.

43:35 Adam I know it's a little embarrassing, a little weird for getting a BJ or something like that.

43:39 Caller Yeah, it's sort of like that. It's sort of like right before too. My pants most of the time are almost wet.

43:45 Adam Yeah, stuff some tissue down there. Here's the thing, Scott. That's you.

43:50 Drew You deal with it.

43:51 Adam There's nothing you can do about it. It's a fine. You're not defective.

43:55 Drew If you could do your Kegel exercises might help a little bit.

43:57 Adam Fall in love. See, that's the thing. Guys like Scott ruin it for guys like me.

44:04 Drew Why?

44:04 Caller Oh, because the girls are a little freaky.

44:05 Adam They want to give a guy BJ because there's something going on down there. You know what I'm saying?

44:10 Drew Mm hmm.

44:11 Adam Mm hmm. Ashley.

44:13 Caller Yeah.

44:14 Adam You're 17.

44:15 Caller Yeah.

44:16 Adam What's up?

44:17 Caller Um, okay. I've been listening to your show and I've listened to a lot of my family and now this is like actually starting to freak me out. I'm extremely gothic and I have like this weird fetish of like blood and vampires. And anytime I'm alone.

44:38 Adam She started at 145, extremely gothic, got me up to 165, and the blood vampires put me at two bells.

44:45 Drew Okay, let's see.

44:46 Caller All right.

44:48 Adam Go ahead, Ashley.

44:49 Caller And anytime I make out with my boyfriend or we have sex or anything.

44:54 Adam Hold on. She just dropped 30.

44:56 Drew Oh, really?

44:57 Adam Yeah.

44:57 Caller Why?

44:59 Adam Boyfriend having a lot of sex.

45:00 Drew Oh, well.

45:01 Adam She's down. She's down to 165.

45:03 Drew I'm making out, I guess. That the tip.

45:05 Adam Yeah, down to 165. Go ahead, Ashley.

45:09 Caller Where are you guys? I don't get it.

45:11 Adam Go ahead.

45:12 Caller Okay. We will cut each other and...

45:17 Adam Just put 10 on...

45:18 Caller .and lick the blood off of each other.

45:21 Adam 5 for 180.

45:22 Drew And what's your question?

45:26 Caller And I'm like a masochist and I cut myself and everything.

45:28 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy. What's the question?

45:32 Caller Okay. Well, I never really gave this a second thought or anything, but I wanted to know why did I turn out like this. And I always hear you guys talk about US psychological problems. I have a lot of piercings and I have a lot of tattoos. Yeah.

45:48 Adam Where's daddy? What's going on? Who are you paying back? Who beat on you?

45:52 Caller Um, last time I saw my dad, I was 7 and I haven't talked to him since I was 14.

45:58 Drew Why'd he leave?

45:59 Caller I don't know. He just got up and left.

46:01 Drew He wasn't violent, wasn't drinking?

46:04 Caller Uh, no, I remember when I was 3, I remember like watching him be handcuffed and put in the back of a cop car.

46:11 Drew You know why?

46:11 Adam Tax evasion. White collar stuff, I'm sure. Of course. Yeah.

46:16 Drew All right.

46:17 Adam Ashley, hang on. We got to take a break.

46:18 Drew Yeah.

46:19 Caller Okay.

46:19 Adam How much do you weigh?

46:21 Caller Uh, 130.

46:23 Drew How tall are you?

46:24 Caller Uh, 5'6, I think.

46:26 Caller Hmm. Okay.

46:29 Adam We'll take a quick break. Get back to get to the bottom, Ashley, and your vampire-ism after this.

46:35 Caller Alright, guys, here's the deal.

46:37 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

46:40 Caller One call is all you need to make.

46:42 Caller Call the Dateline.

46:43 Caller 877-889-DATE.

46:45 Caller Call the Dateline.

46:54 Drew Live 105. Yeah!

47:11 Adam It's Love Line!

47:13 Caller Yeah, tell you what, right now.

47:15 Adam Tell you what, right now, I've got to get it on right now.

47:17 Caller I'll tell you what, okay, right now. Q, I'm going to need you to do for me right now, okay?

47:21 Adam Right now, let's go ahead and step out of the car, okay?

47:23 Caller Right now, okay?

47:24 Adam I'm going to need you to do for me right now. Let's go ahead and pull out your license, registration, okay?

47:28 Caller Right now, okay? You could do that for me right now, okay?

47:30 Drew Right now.

47:31 Adam Oh, right now. How does it work over the police training academy? Think that's how it works?

47:36 Caller Sure.

47:37 Adam So the instructor is like, okay, what I'm going to need you guys do for me, okay, right now is to go ahead and drop and give me 20, okay, right now?

47:43 Drew Have you ever seen the graduation?

47:44 Adam Then the guys are like counting all pushups. One, okay, right now. Two, okay, right now.

47:50 Caller Three, okay, what I'm going to need you to do for me is fourth pushup, okay, right now?

47:56 Adam Yeah. They learn it in the military too. It's that weird authority talk where you talk too much.

48:02 Drew Yeah.

48:03 Adam I think the thing is, is you're supposed to, when you come up to a guy in a car, you're not supposed to have a lot of pauses, lots of time for the guy to go like, hey, buddy, listen, man, I was just running around.

48:15 Drew Okay, right now, I'd like you to first lose your...

48:17 Adam Yeah, it's sort of the dialogue equivalent to just going, uh, while you're asking the guy, license, uh, registration, uh, you know, I pull, uh, that's what that is.

48:31 Drew Yeah.

48:31 Caller Okay, right now, okay, right now, okay, right now, okay, right now, okay, right now, okay, right now. Okay, what do you need to do for me right now, okay? Okay. Yeah, right?

48:41 Drew It's sort of a way of interrupting anything you happen to be saying.

48:45 Adam Or thinking.

48:46 Drew Yeah, start talking to me.

48:48 Adam Well, you know, Drew...

48:49 Drew Okay, right now, Mr. Carl, right now, what I need you to do, right now, I need you to step out of the vehicle, and right now, what I need you to do is... I'll need you right now to take your wallet out.

49:00 Adam Right, if you give a beat in between, the guy might actually say something.

49:03 Drew Right.

49:04 Caller Okay, right now.

49:07 Adam Ashley?

49:08 Drew Yeah.

49:08 Adam You're 17?

49:09 Drew Yeah. We were talking to Ashley.

49:11 Adam Yeah, you're a gothic masochist.

49:14 Drew Cutter.

49:15 Adam Cutter. Succubus.

49:18 Caller We're talking about the guy who, like, pissed his penis a lot.

49:22 Drew Yeah, we're talking to you about your dad leaving when you were seven.

49:25 Caller I know, but I just, I, all the piercings I gave, I give to myself.

49:29 Adam And, oh, and your dad being carted away by the cops. Well, you care right now. Good need you do right now. Just go ahead and get the back squat for me right now.

49:38 Caller OK, just gonna need to turn around.

50:09 Caller Yeah, that's what that means.

50:10 Adam What happened? Stepdad, boyfriends, who beat on you, baby?

50:16 Caller Nobody that I can remember. I don't know. I remember, the only thing I ever remember about my dad was getting away, getting hauled away in the cop car and ripping down a house with a hammer, banging on the doors because he came home drunk one night and some fight that my mom got in and he started thrashing up my room and with a hammer and everything like that.

50:38 Drew Pretty heavy. Horrifying. It's easy to imagine that you could get caught in some of that crossfire once in a while.

50:45 Caller And like my mom, she was diagnosed with like epilepsy when I was like 13. She went on medication that made her like dopey and not really give a crap about anything.

50:59 All right, baby.

51:00 Caller All right.

51:01 Adam All right.

51:02 Drew What do you ask him? Well, you know, there's a lot of heavy, heavy stuff went down that makes you sort of turn on your on your own body as a way of trying to release and regulate emotions.

51:12 Adam It's going to be a really long crappy life, baby. You want to go through that long crappy life?

51:20 Caller I guess. I tried to kill myself when I was like, I may not be long.

51:25 Drew That's what she's saying.

51:26 Adam I see. Well, I didn't mean kill yourself. I meant go ahead and change your life around a little bit. So it's not so crappy.

51:33 Drew Right.

51:34 Adam It's just long.

51:35 Drew You can't change these things, actually.

51:36 Adam How about it, baby?

51:37 Caller My main question was like, do I need to go to some kind of professional?

51:42 Caller Yes, absolutely.

51:44 Drew Yes, absolutely.

51:46 Adam Affirmative.

51:46 Drew OK, right now, whatever suffering you're having is unnecessary. Reality doesn't suck. Life doesn't suck. The way your brain feels sucks. And the way you deal with feelings is is bad.

51:58 Adam OK, what I'm going to need to do for me right now?

52:00 Caller OK, I actually OK right now.

52:01 Adam OK, what do you need to do for me to seek some counseling? All right.

52:04 Caller OK, right now.

52:05 Adam So just go ahead. And for me, OK, right now, go ahead and get a hold of a therapist right now. OK, and go ahead and start getting some counseling.

52:11 Caller OK, right now.

52:12 Adam OK, could you do that for me right now?

52:16 Caller OK.

52:16 Adam No need you do for me. Really got to lead into that. That's that's got to come before it.

52:21 Drew It's usually not quite so assertive. It's usually kind of a now, sir, what I'm going to need, like, like, you know, sort of sort of a draw from afar.

52:30 Adam Yeah. By the way, speaking of the law in this town, I am now at least on my four thousandth red arrow that I've driven through the ticket I got last year. I could not be prouder. Please, everyone, enjoy it. Please join me. Have you noticed all the red arrows going up? You're seeing more and more now, more and more. Drive around and start finding them in places you didn't know about. I'm not talking about the arrow being red when the signal's red, Numbskulls. I'm talking about the arrow being red when the signal's green, just on weekends, evenings, no traffic, just sitting there staring at it, nothing. Nobody coming.

53:09 Drew And by the way, you don't need a red arrow. You could just have yield on green.

53:15 Adam It just can go to nothing.

53:16 Drew You could have a green arrow and then go to nothing, right? Go to green light.

53:19 Adam Absolutely, god damn, lootly.

53:21 Drew Yes.

53:22 Adam So, here's the deal, everyone.

53:23 Drew Again, I'm telling you, Pasadena has cornered this market.

53:26 Adam Please, everyone start driving through these things. Please, it's your civic duty. Do you understand? Or you just become a shill for the man. You just become a lemming being driven into the sea. Is that what you want, you pussies? Start thinking for yourself. Could you think for yourself? Could you not go on autopilot? Just drive through them. I just drive through them every day, every night, everywhere. It doesn't matter if it's the middle of the day, the middle of the week, the weekend, the evenings, just drive right through them. I've gone through thousands. Haven't got a ticket yet. And if I do get a ticket, it'll be worth it.

53:59 Caller Yeah.

54:00 Adam Because I've still saved myself hundreds of hours of just sitting there.

54:04 Caller Right.

54:04 Adam Just sitting there staring at the Earth curve in front of me with no traffic coming the other way in a green light. But my arrow is red and I have to wait for it to cycle. Just drive through it. If it's safe, drive through it. Look left, right, and in the rear view for cops, there's nothing coming ahead of you. And then just drive through it. You got to look for pedestrians crossing too. Sometimes people cross. But pedestrians cross a normal.

54:28 Drew Well, not during a green.

54:30 Adam Yes, they do cross during a green.

54:32 Drew Over there. Yes. Yes.

54:33 Adam They go that direction. That's when they cross.

54:35 Drew I thought you meant there. Yes, absolutely.

54:36 Adam Yeah, you got to look. You don't want to turn in anybody. And they just drive through it. And if everyone would just do it, they'd get rid of these things. Oh my God, I've got to get in on one of these city council meetings where they're talking about traffic and just go ballistic on everyone's ass for 40 minutes. Idiots. Just drive through it. Please everyone just drive through it. I've done it a thousand times. I've not gotten a ticket yet. More than a thousand times. Just I do it every night. There's one one where I live. There's ones in Culver City where we work. There's ones everywhere now and they just keep popping up. Just start driving through them. I actually drive around. I'm so brazen that I will drive around cars that are stacked up waiting. I just go in the left lane and go around them. And in Burbank, or as I should call it, Rape Bank, the citizen harassment capital of the world, they do them too wide in a certain intersection.

55:29 Drew Oh right, right, right.

55:30 Adam I drive around two lanes.

55:31 Drew That's nice.

55:31 Adam And turn left.

55:32 Drew That's over by the mall there.

55:34 Adam No, this one is over by like Barham Riverside or something like that. But there's a whole sequence of them. I drive through them sequentially. One corner, next corner, next corner. And I'm where I need to be much faster. Not dangerous, you know why? No cars coming. Same way, as dangerous as it is driving through the arrow where there's no arrow and there's no cars coming. That's how dangerous it is. Everybody understand that concept? Just more stuff. Nothing, buckle up, click it or take it, slow it down. That's all we got. We just ways to slow things down. That's all we have in this city. Nobody wants to say anything, nobody wants to do anything, nobody wants to get it going. Nobody, nobody.

56:19 Drew Welcome to LA.

56:20 Yeah.

56:21 Adam You know what LA has? A bunch of apathetic a-holes from around the country and around the world. Really not so interested in keeping their town nice, not so interested in keeping their town moving, not so interested in anything. If you think about it. Where do you have more transplants?

56:36 Drew Oh, this is it.

56:37 Adam This is it?

56:38 Drew Yeah.

56:38 Adam Yeah. And here's the civic pride LA has. A bunch of a-holes talking about how beautiful Boston and Pittsburgh is. And going nuts following the Sox and the Pirates and the Steelers. That's all. Everybody has their team. They just come over here and they don't care. It's just like some kind of ashtray for them. Some sort of cesspool ashtray, you know, just waiting room for them to get through so they can get enough money to move back to the town and go back and watch the Pirates. That's their whole thing.

57:04 Caller And the Penguins.

57:05 Adam And the Penguins. Sorry.

57:06 Drew What's your favorite football team, Adam?

57:08 Adam I'm going with the Rams.

57:09 Drew Why?

57:12 Adam Because I grew up watching the Rams. Why do you like the Penguins? Well, I moved from there, but they moved.

57:20 Drew Well, you move from there.

57:21 Adam The Penguins aren't in town.

57:22 Drew The Rams moved from here.

57:23 Caller The Rams moved from here.

57:24 Adam So, yeah, you penguins are in town.

57:27 Caller Well, neither the Rams.

57:28 Adam Okay.

57:29 Drew You're a Penguins fan.

57:29 Adam You're a Penguins fan, though.

57:30 Caller And you're a Ram fan.

57:31 Drew Yeah, that's a point.

57:33 Caller So we're both in the same boat.

57:35 Drew Right.

57:35 Adam Yeah.

57:36 Drew We like the things we grew up with.

57:38 Adam Yeah, you like the teams you grew up with. That's how you become a fan. You don't become a fan at 33. You become a fan at five. That's how it works. And the team moves and you have no choice. Or you move. I know people give me crap because they moved away from wherever they lived in New York, wherever they lived in Chicago, wherever they lived in Boston 20 years ago. And I'm an idiot because I like the Rams because they moved 10 years ago. And you guys moved out of your beloved wherever 25 years ago. Still huge fans. Bigger fans than I am a Rams fan, by the way. Oh, the Boston fans. Forget about it. Patriots in the Sox. That's all they do. They can't work. They just sit over a computer and just stare at stats. Way to the rotisserie season starts in football too. I'm trying to think of what, how much lost productivity there is in the workplace with these rotisserie sports.

58:30 Drew These are like these fancy things.

58:32 Adam You work around, you work around, you know, crazy nationality, nerdy physicians and nurses and stuff. They're not into this.

58:41 Drew Yeah.

58:41 Adam Go, go, go to a place with college educated white males between the age of 26 and 45. And you'll just see at any given time 30 computers all on the rotisserie, all on the fans are all ESPN. Yeah, I like to call it fairy tale football because it's more demeaning. But the entire office, that's all it is. You go over to you go over to Kimmel. Each guy probably logs about seven hours a week sitting on the thing times 200 employees, because it's just they're just they just sit there looking at stats. It's weird, it's like what you do, like, here's my feeling, just kill yourself. You're obviously just killing time at this point.

59:26 Drew Yeah.

59:28 Adam I know it sounds I know it sounds pejorative, but how much how how involved? Here's what happens. You pick a fantasy football team, then you get pitted against other guys that have their fantasy team. And next thing you know, you become obsessed with it. You have to constantly check box scores and stats. I got I got Randy Moss and I got David Klingler. And I have to keep checking to see what they're doing all the time and and then check what to see what the other guys things are doing before you know it. That's that's you spend your entire week just checking on people you've never met.

1:00:02 Caller Wow.

1:00:03 Adam And you think they're your team, but they're not your team. There's a guy who owns that team. He's a multimillionaire and he makes ketchup.

1:00:12 Caller You know what I mean? Right.

1:00:13 Adam All right.

1:00:14 Drew Pizza.

1:00:14 Adam He owns a stadium. You own a laptop. Chaz?

1:00:19 Caller Yeah.

1:00:21 Adam Yeah. What's up, pot smoker?

1:00:25 Caller Uh, yeah.

1:00:26 Caller Um, like, I'm going into 12th grade right now.

1:00:30 Caller And right before I went to 11th grade, I started.

1:00:34 Caller And, uh, what happened?

1:00:38 Caller This is more of a question for Dr. Drew. Was, I started developing signs of schizophrenia, or at least what people tell me. And I didn't know.

1:00:47 Drew What was happening?

1:00:48 Adam Did you smoke a lot of pot?

1:00:50 I wasn't smoking a lot.

1:00:51 Drew You smoke every day?

1:00:53 Caller No. I, maybe, collected in my life maybe 13 times.

1:00:58 Drew Are you doing acid or ecstasy?

1:01:00 Caller Nope.

1:01:01 Caller Um, it, different signs were, uh, I started mumbling, because I used to be able to control my voice, and now it's really hard for me to do. Uh, depersonalization, um, more than I.

1:01:12 Adam What?

1:01:12 Drew Depersonalization.

1:01:13 Adam You feel like, oh, I think you said depersonalization. Depersonalization. Say that again?

1:01:19 Drew Like you're saying things like that.

1:01:20 Adam Depersonalization.

1:01:20 Caller Well, I'm, it's more like I feel really disconnected.

1:01:23 Caller Like, I don't, like stuff doesn't seem real.

1:01:26 Drew Got it, got it.

1:01:27 Caller Forgotten what I look like.

1:01:29 Drew Like a dream kind of thing.

1:01:31 Caller Yeah, um, uh, I, it's harder to connect thoughts now, which happens a lot or whatever.

1:01:40 Drew So far, no, uh, schizophrenic symptoms.

1:01:43 Adam No, that's not it, huh?

1:01:44 Drew That's more panic and depression. That's one of the things.

1:01:46 Adam Well, you want to quit smoking weed?

1:01:49 Drew Well, he's really not smoking weed. He's trying to look for a reason why he's getting the way he is. Now, certainly you should have a medical about it.

1:01:53 Adam He's not smoking weed.

1:01:54 Drew He just, he's just reaching for an explanation for why he's having these funky symptoms.

1:01:57 Adam But is he smoking weed or not?

1:01:59 Drew He said 13 times in his life.

1:02:01 Caller I'm not.

1:02:02 Adam No, I think that is never.

1:02:03 Drew Yeah, right.

1:02:04 Caller I'm very happy. I'm not really depressed at all.

1:02:06 Adam All right, Drew.

1:02:08 Drew Well, then panic, anxiety, have panic attacks yet?

1:02:12 Caller I did long before, but like I had a couple, but that was it.

1:02:18 Drew This is more in the spectrum of those kinds of disorders, and definitely something you should look into. These days, you shouldn't have to suffer with it. I got to go see someone, go see a psychiatrist who has experienced the adolescence, and that's something that should be easily treatable. However, you also need to have a medical evaluation, make sure it's not a thyroid problem or neurological problem, because often these can masquerade as psychiatric symptoms.

1:02:39 Adam Drew.

1:02:40 Drew Yep.

1:02:40 Adam How about the weird sort of cycles and rhythms your brain goes through where some days are almost spent, almost a dreamlike quality, some days you're very alert, everything's very cute.

1:02:53 Drew That's your sleep disorder.

1:02:54 Adam Oh, I'm all over the place. I'm sure I have super, super sharp days, and then days it just feel like, you know, every voice is echoing when it's talking to me. Doesn't seem to really affect my, doesn't really affect me that much, which is weird. You think I couldn't figure things out or I couldn't talk or I couldn't, you know, create or couldn't build. I can. It's just some things are almost like a dreamlike quality to them. It's like sort of some days it's like you're just looking through cheesecloth.

1:03:22 Drew Yeah.

1:03:23 Adam And then there are other days when you're super sharp, super on top of it, super whatever.

1:03:27 Drew There are more reasons than just sleep. But for you, I imagine sleep is the big thing.

1:03:31 Adam Well, you don't have those days.

1:03:34 Drew Oh, I do. And I find them mostly in terms of how I can express myself. Like sometimes I can express myself so clearly and freely.

1:03:41 Adam Yeah.

1:03:41 Drew I freak myself out. And other days, I can't get a thought out for the life of me.

1:03:45 Adam Sort of in your head. It's just it's not common. It's like whatever. There's some sort of conveyor belt with good ideas and words on it and references and things like that. And the conveyor belt ain't moving very fast.

1:03:59 Drew Sometimes it's loaded up, moving freely and easily.

1:04:01 Adam Yeah. And then there's other days when it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's that movie with Darth, Darth and Luke Skywalker? What's the name of that movie with Luke Skywalker and Darth Jacker, Darth Vader and come on. And that's always great because you're sitting next to Drew and he's going, yeah, I don't know. Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker. No, I don't know. I didn't. I don't know. I was in college. I was studying. But so you know how. But the point is, is you can't think of Star Wars some days. And then there's other days when you're pulling out weird references from shows that are million years old and you're pulling out a guy who's the neighbor's son and you know his name like, pow, what is that?

1:04:43 Drew I was thinking about this business, about me being in school again yesterday. I watched The Godfather 2. Realized, when did that come out? Like, 80?

1:04:53 Adam No, I would say, I'd say 76, 75, 76. Well, the first Godfather was probably like 72, 73, and then Godfather 2 probably came out four or five, three, four years later.

1:05:06 Drew Yeah. Let me look, can you look that up?

1:05:08 Adam Look that up.

1:05:09 Drew Cause I realized I'd never seen it.

1:05:10 Adam No, you didn't.

1:05:11 Drew I'd seen the ending of it. I'd seen references a million times. 74.

1:05:16 Adam So first one is like 72 and the second one just came a couple of years later?

1:05:20 Drew Yeah.

1:05:20 Adam All right. Where were you? You were in college.

1:05:23 Drew No, it was high school.

1:05:24 Adam According to Drew, Drew was in college from 1961 to 1988.

1:05:27 Drew You know what I thought to myself? You really cannot appreciate how much that just took a chunk out of my life. It just really, truly drew me to it.

1:05:33 Adam I know, but now you're in high school by the way. That's what I'm saying. All right. Jonathan?

1:05:38 Drew Jonathan?

1:05:39 Adam Oh, yeah. Hi. What's happening?

1:05:42 Caller Well, I had a question about putting numbing topics on my penis. I buy these one condoms. They're like, they're supposed to help numb it out. And the first time I used it, it burned really bad. Like I had got soap in it, like when you're in the shower. And then two times after that, it didn't burn. And then last night it burned again. And I'm like, I can deal with the pain because, you know, I'm getting some. But is it going to be damaging or?

1:06:11 Adam What are you putting on there?

1:06:13 Caller Huh?

1:06:13 Adam What are you putting on there?

1:06:15 Caller I know, it comes in the condom.

1:06:17 Drew It's a numbing, it's a control condom.

1:06:19 Adam What are those condoms called, control?

1:06:21 Caller Yeah, they were Trojan, Climax Control Extended Pleasure or something like that.

1:06:25 Adam Wow.

1:06:26 Drew Good times.

1:06:27 Adam Yeah.

1:06:27 Drew Trojan names to please.

1:06:29 Caller Yeah.

1:06:30 Drew Well, listen, it can be irritating, any chemical can be irritating the urethra and it can cause some urethral irritation, even inflammation, possibly infection. But you would know that very quickly. It would hurt like hell when you peed.

1:06:40 Adam Are you circumcised?

1:06:42 Caller Yes.

1:06:43 Adam All right. Yeah. So, well, first off, it's only happened once out of the four times, right? Or three times.

1:06:51 Caller Twice.

1:06:52 Adam It's happened twice.

1:06:53 Caller Yeah. It happened the first time. And then the next time it was didn't really like feel it.

1:06:58 Adam And then the next time it did.

1:06:59 Caller And then last night it kicked up again.

1:07:01 Adam All right. How's your extended pleasure doing?

1:07:06 Drew Is it working?

1:07:06 Adam Are you adding time?

1:07:08 Caller Oh, yeah. Big time. I mean, I'm waiting for that drug that you guys talk about from Johnson & Johnson to come out. I couldn't remember the name of it. I wanted to ask about that.

1:07:16 Adam Johnson & Johnson.

1:07:16 Drew I'm not sure it has a name yet. Johnson & Johnson for your Johnson. Right. I'm not sure it has a name yet, but it's basically a serotonin, like a serotonin reuptake and have her like those medicines, but very short acting. It's like a super short acting prozac that makes you not ejaculate.

1:07:31 Adam Well, here's the thing. Is there any way for him to dilute what is going on there with that condom? Can you put a little flower or kitty litter in there?

1:07:39 Drew No, I just got to roll it down more, so he's not pushing the stuff right up against the urethra.

1:07:44 Adam Is that what irritates?

1:07:45 Drew Yeah.

1:07:45 Adam It's not the topical part.

1:07:47 Drew Yeah, it is. The cream, the cream gets- Yeah.

1:07:49 Adam No, I mean, it's not the part where it's actually on top of the penis, it's where it's getting up into the urethra.

1:07:54 Drew Yes, exactly.

1:07:56 Adam So, because that's that like new coalsoul surface in there. And what about if you actually dilute it? Like, what if you physically not filled it up like a water balloon, but just ran it under some water for a little bit?

1:08:08 Drew Just the tip?

1:08:09 Adam Just cut the mix a little bit. And then, I mean, dried it, emptied it out.

1:08:14 Drew Yeah, yeah. It makes sense.

1:08:16 Adam And it wouldn't compromise the integrity of it, would it?

1:08:19 Drew Not the integrity, but you have to unroll it, though. And that's.

1:08:22 Adam Well, would you have to? I guess you would.

1:08:24 Drew Well, you can always just push it back in and just wash off the tip.

1:08:28 Adam Yeah. Give it a little experiment. See if that adds a little tap water. All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Amanda, who's still on the line with another Germany or Florida. I want to give a plug to my new show on Comedy Central. Good show tonight, by the way. Drew saw it. Drew appreciates it. You can go out and see that on Comedy Central, 11.30, Monday through Thursday. Also, if you want to be in the audience or have any questions about the show, you go to www.oneioda.com, and the one is just the numeral one. You just hit one, www.oneioda.com, and come out and see us. All right. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:09:18 Caller Hello. This is your radio.

1:09:21 Loveline will be right back.

1:09:23 Adam Heat things up with new Durex warming condoms. There's sex, and then there's Durex.

1:09:31 Caller Loveline is sponsored by MetroPCS, where you can talk all you want anytime, and there's no contract. Call anywhere in town to anywhere in the country for just $40 a month. MetroPCS.

1:09:40 Caller Live 105. Yeah, buddy, get it on.

1:09:52 Caller That's what I'm talking about.

1:09:52 Adam It's Loveline.

1:09:55 Caller Karey, I need you to do for me. OK, right now, let's go ahead and tune in. OK, right now, OK, right now, OK, right now, OK, right now, OK, right now, OK, right now, OK, right now, OK, right now. Let's go talk to, man. OK, right now, OK, right now, go play some Germany for me. OK, right now.

1:10:11 Caller Corolla.

1:10:13 Caller Hey, I got a question first. How come you guys haven't been doing Ace's Mexican Rancher Accordion Countdown?

1:10:20 Adam Yeah, because we come up with stuff and we fall in love with it and then we forget about it.

1:10:24 Drew We go on to something else.

1:10:25 Adam Yeah. But next time, engineer Michelle comes in here, can you do it?

1:10:30 Drew Well, no, no.

1:10:31 Adam Well, we'll ask, where is she? I haven't seen her. I've been gone for a long vacation.

1:10:35 Drew She's on vacation.

1:10:36 Adam All right. When she comes in, we're going to play Ace's Mexican Rancher Accordion Countdown.

1:10:43 Caller Cool. And you guys didn't play the theme song tonight.

1:10:47 Adam Yeah, Anderson, play play the theme song for Germany or Florida.

1:10:51 Drew Which one would you like, Amanda?

1:10:52 Caller The one that the kid made.

1:10:54 Caller Does Amanda want a job?

1:10:55 Drew She wants the original one, Anderson.

1:10:57 Caller She needs it off speakerphone.

1:10:58 Drew It's killing me.

1:10:59 Adam Off the speakerphone, baby. She's been on hold for 103 minutes. Play the play the one the kid made.

1:11:35 Caller That's all I can say is how the only way I was right.

1:11:38 Adam Thanks baby doll. Go ahead and let's play round two of Germany or Florida with you.

1:11:43 Drew You're fat.

1:11:44 Adam Drew, please, Drew, go ahead.

1:11:48 Caller A family ate breakfast for 18 months from the surface of a broken deep freezer that contained the mummified body of their seven year old son.

1:11:55 Drew Oh yeah, I heard about this.

1:11:56 Adam We did.

1:11:57 Caller Do you remember where it is?

1:11:58 Adam Oh, I don't. It feels like Florida. Oh man, it's tough. Keep going.

1:12:02 Drew Because you said Florida, because you made a bunch of racist remarks after.

1:12:05 Caller The government will trigger a major inquiry into the shortcomings of social services, which did not energetically investigate the fate of the boy despite his absence from school for more than a year.

1:12:16 Caller Okay.

1:12:18 Drew Florida.

1:12:18 Adam All right. Well, it must be Florida if that's what we remember it as.

1:12:22 Caller That's a general consensus.

1:12:24 Caller Oh, hold on.

1:12:25 Drew We want to think about it. Tell more of the story.

1:12:28 Adam That's it.

1:12:28 Caller Police found the body in a search of a five room apartment owned by the couple who have eight other children, aged between five and 20.

1:12:37 Adam Back to Florida. Florida.

1:12:40 Drew Mother what?

1:12:42 Caller The mother was detained and reportedly told the police that the child had been dead since December of 2002.

1:12:50 Adam Still, still back with Florida. It's all the kids.

1:12:52 Caller Yeah.

1:12:54 Adam Amanda?

1:12:55 Drew Florida is the consensus. Yeah, yeah.

1:12:56 Adam Florida.

1:12:57 Caller Okay. Germany, guys.

1:12:59 Drew Dude, we would just slaughter by these callers.

1:13:02 Adam So bad. You're over two to nobody.

1:13:03 Drew I guess that's why you made these racist comments because it didn't fit for you.

1:13:08 Adam Yeah. Well, Drew, come on. You can't, you can't describe the racist commentary to me for everybody. If it's Florida, I made racist comments.

1:13:16 Drew If it's Germany, I made racist comments.

1:13:17 Adam That's a racist comment.

1:13:18 Drew This is clearly Asian or Jew.

1:13:20 Yeah.

1:13:22 Adam All right, Amanda. God love you. God bless you.

1:13:25 Thanks.

1:13:26 Adam All right. We'll talk to you soon. Let's see. Guy from Internet offered him money for BJ. Not gay needs money. Jacoby. Jacoby.

1:13:37 Caller Adam Corolla.

1:13:39 Adam All right. You're 20. What's up?

1:13:41 Caller Hey, what's up? So I was cyber creeping, as my roommate likes to call it, for women, because I'm completely straight. And some guy basically was like, hey, man, you know, I'm gay. And I'm like, hey, that's not my deal. And then he wrote back, sent me a message a little while later.

1:13:56 He said he would perform morally on me.

1:13:59 Caller It cost me or it would cost him or he offered me money to perform on me.

1:14:06 Adam How much?

1:14:07 Caller 300 bucks.

1:14:09 Caller And I'm sure I can negotiate that up to 500, is what I'm hoping for. And, you know, he said it would be like 10 minutes. And I'm sure guys are good. So it might even be less than that.

1:14:18 Drew But I'm totally great. Could be a cop, A.

1:14:21 Caller OK.

1:14:22 Caller B.

1:14:24 Drew You're what?

1:14:26 Caller No, that's a good point. I didn't think of that.

1:14:27 Drew B, it's going to affect you. If you're not gay, that's not going to be something that you'll walk away from as though.

1:14:34 Adam How do you get a boner?

1:14:36 Caller Well, yeah, that's the thing. I don't know if I'd be drunk or if that would be even worse. I'm really sexually active. I've slept with over 80 women and I would think, yeah, exactly, and I would think maybe since that won't affect me or will it, I'm just thinking I'm probably going to get married or hopefully I will, that I'm going to look back on it or I can't get that image out of my head. But I'll just think maybe it's going to be a tuna fish sandwich when I have peanut butter jelly sandwiches and I'll just be like, eh, I had it. I didn't like it. I don't remember it every time I eat it.

1:15:09 Drew Yeah, your lack of...

1:15:10 Adam It could be like a guy with a handlebar mustache blowing you. It's not going to be like a tuna fish sandwich.

1:15:16 Drew Your robot-like quality troubles me greatly. Are you...

1:15:22 Adam Drew, that's a decent bumper sticker.

1:15:25 Drew Really, it's like you're soulless and don't have feelings. And that's a concern.

1:15:30 Adam Yeah. Well, at least he's looking down the road a little bit thinking about, you know, what's he going to do with that 400 bucks?

1:15:36 Drew Yeah, but his expectation is like, Oh, it's going to be sad. One human, another human. I could stuff him out afterwards.

1:15:41 Adam You know, let me tell you my opinion on those things you get paid for, that you probably thought you didn't want to do receiving oral from the gay guy on the Internet or doing a little little porn for the chick or whatever it is. Whatever it is, even if it's, you know, whatever, killing somebody.

1:15:59 Drew It's the footprint of your life. You know what I mean? This is who you are.

1:16:02 Adam Well, I would say on an average, you know, a year or two later, you would pay 100 times that amount to erase it.

1:16:11 Drew Yes.

1:16:12 Adam It's not even 10 times that amount.

1:16:14 Drew You would give anything to erase it.

1:16:15 Adam At a certain point, it's not going to be 300 bucks to erase it. It would be $30,000. You know what I mean? Yes. At a point, maybe not in a year, maybe 10 years, maybe 15 years.

1:16:31 Drew Yes.

1:16:31 Adam That's the thing that also you don't really realize when you're 20 is you get to 30 pretty fast and you start having a pretty good filter filled with crap. If you put enough crap through that filter, it starts to collect and clog. This would be a nice rock in your filter.

1:16:50 Drew My joke is Jacoby is such a sociopath. I mean, not genuine sociopath, but sort of sociopathic quality.

1:16:56 Adam Well, there's a lot of guys that just aren't human beings. There aren't a lot of women that aren't human beings either.

1:17:02 Drew I suppose that's true.

1:17:03 Adam I mean, look at all those vacuous chicks, those sort of dizzy playmate types and stuff. They don't come across like human beings. We've had them in here before. You're talking to them. You're not really talking to anyone, are you? You wonder what's going on. You wonder what they're thinking. Or are they thinking?

1:17:20 Drew Right, you wonder, are they thinking?

1:17:22 Adam I don't know who, you know, there's a lot of people that are closer to animals. Yeah?

1:17:28 Drew Yeah.

1:17:28 Adam You know, they always do that thing where it's like, my dog thinks he's a person. We talked a lot of people think they're dogs. Or they're about the same as.

1:17:36 Drew Right. They don't think that's the point.

1:17:38 Adam Jacoby.

1:17:39 Caller Yeah.

1:17:40 Adam Don't do it.

1:17:42 Caller All right. Yeah. No, you guys make too much sense. I want to give a shout out to Boobville. I've been a long time listener.

1:17:48 Caller Thanks, buddy.

1:17:49 Caller Yeah.

1:17:50 Adam Thanks. Well, don't.

1:17:52 Caller Oh, man.

1:17:54 Adam That Internet boy for the gays.

1:17:57 Drew By the way, look out. Boobville is something you talked about nine years ago, conservatively.

1:18:02 Adam Yeah. Eight times nine years ago.

1:18:04 Drew He's 20. He was 11 when you were talking about Boobville.

1:18:07 Adam So sad.

1:18:07 Drew He caught on to that. He thought that was a good thing when he was 11.

1:18:12 Caller He probably thought it was funny when he was 11. Yeah. I know. All right.

1:18:16 Adam You ready to roll here, Drew? Let's talk to Renee. She's been on hold for a thousand years. I feel bad for her.

1:18:24 Caller Renee?

1:18:25 Caller Yeah.

1:18:26 Adam 24?

1:18:27 Caller Uh-huh.

1:18:27 Adam You're attracted to druggies?

1:18:29 Caller Yeah, but I can't figure out why.

1:18:31 Adam You married one at 18?

1:18:33 Caller Yes, I did.

1:18:34 Adam And that didn't work out so well?

1:18:37 Caller No, not at all.

1:18:39 Drew Not at all? No, not at all. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. There's a couple of reasons people do what? He ended up what?

1:18:46 Caller He ended up robbing a Wendy's in a subway through the drive-thru so he could get coke, which I didn't know he was doing. And then after he did that, a couple weeks later, he went to the northwest side of town and robbed a Burger King with a cell phone.

1:19:03 Adam With a cell phone?

1:19:04 Caller With a cell phone. How do you do that? Because it was a gun.

1:19:07 Drew Oh boy.

1:19:10 Adam How about lazy robbing a place through the drive-thru? How do you get angry that they screwed up the fries and went back?

1:19:16 Caller He drove up and asked for an application and an ice water and when they opened the window, he asked for their money and they were stupid enough to give it to him first of all, but he still did it through the drive-thru.

1:19:27 Adam I don't like Subway, you know why?

1:19:28 Caller Why?

1:19:29 Adam Because first off, they have a horrible sandwich and then secondly, I like the sandwiches. Oh, you do?

1:19:33 Drew Yeah.

1:19:33 Adam Oh, well you have low self-esteem.

1:19:35 Drew That's true.

1:19:36 Adam And you feed, you know, you really have all the, the discerning palate of a catfish when you eat.

1:19:43 Drew It's like eating a salad.

1:19:44 Adam It's like somebody grated up a head of lettuce and dropped it on a bun.

1:19:47 Drew Yeah, I like that.

1:19:48 Adam Yeah, I don't like, I don't like, I don't seem to meet weight before it goes on a sandwich. I don't like the clinical side of a sub-sandwich. I like to be able to go, hey, give me some of that extra provolone on there. Keep it going, you know, that sort of thing. That's a sub-sandwich, you know. When the sub-sandwich becomes sort of corporate, it's weird.

1:20:04 Drew Yeah.

1:20:05 Adam It's like an indie label going, selling out or something. But the point is, the reason why Subway sucks is because they give you chips. Chips cop out.

1:20:17 Drew You know what I mean?

1:20:18 Adam Supposed to fries or coleslaw or egg salad, or potato salad or something like that. That sack of Doritos or the sack of just Lay's plain potato chips, set them back about four cents a sack, big sack of air and salt.

1:20:34 Drew Genius.

1:20:36 Adam Yeah. Genius for them.

1:20:38 Drew For them.

1:20:39 Adam Stupid for the people that go in there.

1:20:40 Drew Oh yes.

1:20:41 Adam Yes.

1:20:42 Drew You get the Sun Chips. Be fair.

1:20:44 Adam Sun Chips taste good. I give them that. But a cop out is a restaurant, but smart.

1:20:49 Drew So Renee, what's going on? There's a couple of reasons people do this. One is you yourself use drugs and you're just looking for a using buddy. Is that you?

1:20:56 Caller No. I never used drugs.

1:20:59 Drew Second is you have a parent who is an alcoholic addict and you're used to sort of taking care of them or that's sort of how you fit in an intimate contact is with somebody that's made up that way.

1:21:08 Caller No, I really don't. My dad was like the most awesome guy in the world. He was the best dad in the world. He couldn't drink at all because he had liver disease. Something about high enzymes.

1:21:17 Drew Why? My mom, I mean, wait, wait, how did he get, how did he get the high enzymes? How did he get the high enzymes?

1:21:25 Caller I'm not sure. I just, I don't really know much about it. I just know they tested them when I was like six.

1:21:29 Drew Well, that's alcohol.

1:21:32 Adam They said you have to stop drinking.

1:21:34 Drew Cause you're alcoholic and you're causing your liver to be damaged.

1:21:37 Caller Well, see, I never saw him drink. So I don't know anything about that.

1:21:40 Drew Whatever. It doesn't matter. It's that that's sort of what you, alcoholics are made up a certain way emotionally and you get used to being in contact with an alcoholic intimately when it's a parent. And that's your template for love and intimacy. And you go ahead and find that in your, in your, with your peers.

1:21:55 Adam Where's your dad now?

1:21:57 Caller My dad got remarried and I haven't seen her talk to him in almost four years. Now it's been a little over four years now.

1:22:04 Drew So there you go. That really galvanizes your, now you're on a search for that guy.

1:22:08 Adam He's great though.

1:22:09 Drew Yeah, perfect. Greatest guy you ever used to be.

1:22:11 Caller I got married when I was 15. The last time I talked to my dad, I was 20.

1:22:15 Adam Yeah. Well, I don't understand why your dad could be such a great guy. I haven't seen him for four years.

1:22:20 Caller Well, he was until then. His new wife basically told him once they got married that if he had anything to do with his two children, that she would make his life a living hell. And he had already been divorced.

1:22:29 Drew Hey, by the way, that makes him a, that makes him a bad guy. Yeah.

1:22:32 Adam Well, it makes him a spineless pussy. No, bad guy. Bad guy.

1:22:36 Drew So whatever he did before is nullified.

1:22:38 Adam I love it.

1:22:38 Drew It's suspect.

1:22:39 Adam You know what I love about white trash chicks is they always turn on the chick.

1:22:42 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:22:43 Adam The guy could cheat and they get mad at the chick. Blame it on the stepmom.

1:22:47 Caller To me, that makes him a very bad guy because he was, his children were number one in his life. We were everything to him. My sister and I both were big.

1:22:57 Adam Hold on a second. You see, here's the thing, everybody. It's like I always tell my family and my sister and stuff when she thinks her parents are horrible to her and great to me. It's always like, what do you think they were? The world's worst parents to you and the world's greatest parents to me? You think that's physically possible? You know what I mean?

1:23:14 Drew Yeah.

1:23:15 Adam Crappy parents are crappy parents and good parents are good parents. They're like, oh, horrible. The one kid and great to the other kid.

1:23:21 Caller Right.

1:23:22 Adam Same with this. Like he was a devoted family man. His kids were everything to him. His kids were his life. And then one day he stopped talking to them.

1:23:31 Drew Yeah.

1:23:31 Adam Because some woman came in and told him.

1:23:33 Drew Yeah. She would have made him live in hell. No, he's an idiot. And by the way, he's drinking again.

1:23:39 Adam He could have been in to you guys for a little. He could have had a couple of a couple of decent couple of decent years in there where he was sober and had a decent job, but not the world's greatest guy. No, far from it.

1:23:52 Caller Yeah, he's far from it now, but he used to be a great dad.

1:23:56 Adam And now you just glorify the past and idealize that he never was that great. Yeah, I don't know.

1:24:02 Caller He really was.

1:24:04 Adam No, it wasn't.

1:24:05 Caller We were actually really lucky. And that's why I don't understand the whole thing.

1:24:08 Drew Because why did why did your mom and dad break? If you're such a great guy, why did your parents break up?

1:24:13 Caller Well, he cheated on my mom when.

1:24:14 Drew Oh, wait a minute. That was the greatest guy in the world. Now hold on. It must be your mom's fault. It must be your mom's fault.

1:24:20 Caller No, no, it's not my mom's fault at all. But, I mean, you know, the closest thing you can get to the best dad, the closest thing, because nobody's perfect.

1:24:29 Drew I understand that.

1:24:30 Adam Renee, your bar is so goddamn low, it's actually in the ground. It's like a piece of PVC pipe for the sprinklers. You understand that your bar is in a ground that's been trenched? God, this guy sounds like father of the year candidate.

1:24:49 Caller Well, other than that, he never did anything wrong that I'm aware of.

1:24:51 Drew Except for the cheating, except for the drinking, except for the leaving, except for the abandonment. Greatest guy ever.

1:24:59 Adam Oh, man. You know what?

1:25:00 Caller Here's the thing.

1:25:02 Adam There should be a statue, there should be a monument built to this man. He's a great, great man.

1:25:08 Caller You can't really judge something without knowing details. Here it goes. Up until I was 10 years old, my mom and my dad seemingly had the perfect relationship. I never saw him fight or anything else except for a little cat here and there.

1:25:19 Adam Up until 10, but you don't know anything.

1:25:21 Caller Up until 10. When I was 10, my dad turned on my mom. They got over it, they talked about it, and everything was supposedly, seemingly to a child fine. My sister and I, we hated each other, of course, because we were little. But other than that, everything was fine. When I was 15, I met the guy I married. We got married when I was 18.

1:25:42 Drew What are your parents doing allowing you to get married at 15?

1:25:45 Adam No, they met at 15, we got married at 18.

1:25:47 Drew Oh, I see.

1:25:48 Caller Yeah, we dated for three years.

1:25:49 Adam Renee.

1:25:50 Caller We got married, we moved to Florida. Came back home because we didn't like Florida. I lived with my parents who had just got divorced the year before. Everything was fine. Renee. And then all of a sudden.

1:26:03 Adam All right. Oh, I had to drop the S-bomb in. Here's the deal, your dad's not a great guy. He may have put together a few good months when you were young and you're clinging to that. God bless you. That's fine. You've been talking to the guy in four years. Great guy. You hook up with horrible, horrible men. Your dad was a bad guy. You need to admit that. You need to look into that.

1:26:25 Drew And you can't see that. It's interesting.

1:26:28 Adam Spent. You burn a lot of calories defending a guy that's not worth your breath, who you haven't spoken to for four years.

1:26:34 Drew I understand he might have been fun for a while, and he might have sort of felt good to be around. But if you really were able to see him more clearly as who he actually is, you'd be a little more...

1:26:44 Adam Alright, so now that we've soured you on your dad, keep your eyes open. If you pick bad guys, then slow it down a little.

1:26:50 Drew Yep. Very simple. If you're really, really attracted to the guy, do not go out with him.

1:26:54 Adam Could she not have... Renee, quiet. Do you have any kids?

1:26:59 Caller Yes, I do. I have one.

1:27:00 Adam One. Good. That's enough. No more kids. You hear me? Here, screw that kid up. Just take it slow and get a little therapy now. Forget it. Just read a book. Listen to classical music. Makes you smarter.

1:27:13 Drew Just don't go out with guys you're super attracted to. Those are going to be the drug addicts.

1:27:17 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:27:51 Caller Yeah, Loveline!

1:27:53 Adam That's what I'm talking about. I forget about that phone number. If you want to come check out my Comedy Central show, go to www.1iota.com, the...

1:28:07 Drew IOTA.

1:28:08 Adam Number one, iota.com. And then I should be on Comedy Central right now, as we speak. Where are we, Drew?

1:28:16 Drew Going to line two.

1:28:17 Adam Cotcher is having sex.

1:28:18 Drew Interesting.

1:28:19 Adam Liked it.

1:28:19 Drew Weird.

1:28:22 Yeah.

1:28:23 Drew What happened?

1:28:24 How's it going?

1:28:27 Drew Tell us.

1:28:27 Adam Bogus.

1:28:27 Drew I know, Bogus. I got that too.

1:28:29 Adam Bogus.

1:28:29 Drew But tell us about it. Go ahead.

1:28:33 All right.

1:28:34 Drew I had two thoughts. One was Bogus. Second was ASMR Desk. Probably would have this kind of an experience with that.

1:28:39 Adam All right. Go ahead.

1:28:41 I just... I'm not really comfortable talking about it. It's really kind of weird.

1:28:47 Drew Now we're back to Bogus.

1:28:48 Adam Now we're back in the deep Boguosity. We were scratching the surface of the planet Bogus 20 seconds ago. Now we're in the core, the molten core of planet Boguosity.

1:28:59 Caller No.

1:29:00 Adam And the BS Cluster, which is overhead.

1:29:04 Drew So go ahead, Jack. Try it.

1:29:05 I really...

1:29:06 Adam Four J-O moons that reside in the BS Cluster over the Boguosity planet.

1:29:11 Drew Go ahead.

1:29:13 Well, I was outside and I was smoking and I walked past my parents' bedroom and their light was on and their curtains, like they don't have curtains. And their light was on and I walked by and I saw them having sex. And I didn't turn away. I didn't run. I didn't freak out like most kids would do. And I was just, and I watched them and I went back in the house, I kind of freaked me out because I wasn't, because normally, you know, most kids are...

1:29:51 Adam Yeah, biological parents, both no step parents, no step mom?

1:29:55 No, step father and my mom.

1:30:00 Drew How long has he been your step father?

1:30:02 About five, six years.

1:30:06 Drew And what was your experience? What did you feel?

1:30:11 What do you mean? Like...

1:30:12 Drew Yeah, I mean, how do you feel about it?

1:30:14 Adam To turn you on?

1:30:16 Yeah, to me, like, I wasn't, like, I kind of disconnected. It wasn't like I was watching my parents. It was just kind of like I was watching...

1:30:23 Drew Two people having sex.

1:30:24 Adam Yeah, when you're 18.

1:30:28 Caller My main question was, I had, like, I've had really bad sexual experiences, starting from when I was, like, young.

1:30:38 Caller How old?

1:30:40 Caller I was molested when I was 12 by my 17-year-old cousin.

1:30:45 Drew Male?

1:30:46 Caller A male, yeah.

1:30:47 Caller Yeah.

1:30:48 Caller And I had a really abusive dad. That's all right. You know, I just, I didn't know.

1:30:54 Adam All right, Jake.

1:30:55 Drew Well, this fits because when you've been through those sorts of traumas, it's easier for you to dissociate. Yeah. It doesn't disconnect from things. Like you said, like you're watching a movie or something.

1:31:03 Adam Even Tana gets bent, too.

1:31:04 Drew It screws you up a little bit because it just reinforces the dissociative effects of trauma, but, you know, whatever.

1:31:09 Adam What's that cousin doing right now? Is he a publicist?

1:31:14 Caller No, he's just kind of a bum. He's floating around somewhere in Colorado, I think.

1:31:19 Adam Awesome. Probably just molesting and raving where he can.

1:31:23 Caller Yeah.

1:31:23 Adam These folks did a great job with him. So, Jake, you sound like a smart guy. It's hard to go through what you've been through and not have some residual effects, a little scarring, but you can treat this, you know.

1:31:39 Caller That's my problem. Like I want to treat it and I want to talk about it, but this isn't really something I want to go around telling people, you know?

1:31:46 Drew About the sexual abuse?

1:31:48 Caller Yeah, no, no, I have a counselor that I've talked to about.

1:31:51 Drew All right, good, that's all good.

1:31:52 Adam The part about seeing your folks.

1:31:54 Drew There's an apparent thing, yes, neither here nor there. Your question is relevant, which is why did I not freak out and turn away? It's because you have been traumatized sexually, you dissociate in response to those overwhelming stimuli, and you've slipped right on into that moment.

1:32:06 Adam Whatever happened to you, it will not enable you to respond appropriately.

1:32:12 Caller Right.

1:32:13 Adam Robbie.

1:32:14 Caller Hey, what's up?

1:32:15 Adam You're 19, you have had, you're gay, you've had sex for money.

1:32:20 Caller Yeah.

1:32:21 Adam And sex with guys for money.

1:32:24 Caller Of course.

1:32:25 Adam And you're not bi, you're gay.

1:32:27 Caller Yeah, I'm gay, I'm sure I'm gay. But there are, you know, some roles that I've, whatever, considered or whatever.

1:32:31 Drew Trying to get.

1:32:32 Caller I'm gay, but I'm not stupid.

1:32:35 Drew What does that mean?

1:32:35 Adam How much money did you get paid?

1:32:37 Caller Oh, $200 to let somebody give me oral. And that was multiple times. Like, I mean, I've done that five.

1:32:45 Adam Listen, I know there's a lot of, just let me do it on you, buddy. Which is weird because guys treat that like, hey man, I ain't gay. You're just holding still. Well, the guy with the handlebar mustache blows you. And, okay, but here's the thing. If you are gay, then that's the best 200 bucks you ever made because you may have let the guy do it anyway.

1:33:05 Drew You're criminal. You know, you're doing something that's illegal.

1:33:08 Caller Yeah.

1:33:09 Drew You're that person. You know, you're that person that behaves that way.

1:33:13 Caller Yeah.

1:33:13 Drew And it has an effect on your spirit ultimately.

1:33:15 Adam Okay.

1:33:16 Drew It does.

1:33:16 Adam All right. We'll take a break and we'll be right back after this. God love me. We'll take a little extendo break. Jared Leto in here on Wednesday. And Bob, the scat man. Because he's ghost scatological on your ass.

1:34:02 Drew Oh, yes he does.

1:34:03 Adam The aristocrats. He is scat. He is coming in on Thursday. And until next time, I'm Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew. Mahala.

1:34:12 Drew Your robot-like quality troubles me greatly.

1:34:17 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:34:21 Adam The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station.

1:34:29 Caller The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, August 15, 2005