Episode 1000723545492

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:04 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content.

1:07 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew's a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Bill Bellamy.

1:32 Drew In the house. Ah, I feel like I'm home here. I haven't been home in a while. It's been about a year and a half, huh?

1:40 Adam I don't know. It feels like too long.

1:43 Drew It's too long, man. You guys miss me a little bit, man. That's good, man. We're family, baby.

1:48 Adam A little more than a little, I would say.

1:51 Bill Bellamy Are you still jacked off to him?

1:54 Drew Oh, I'm sorry. Did he stop? Just tell me he stopped out.

1:57 Adam He's a beautiful man. That's the whole thing. He's a newbie and warrior is what he is. That makes me straighter to masturbate to Bill Bellamy. You know what I mean? Well, no. You know what I'm saying.

2:09 Drew I feel you, man, but no, I don't feel you.

2:11 Adam Extra male.

2:12 Bill Bellamy Well, you're going to Superman.

2:13 Adam You're going to. Bill is going to beat the Ontario Improv this Thursday through Sunday through Sunday. That's the normal time span. Is it not now? Is it Thursday through Sunday? It seems like. Yeah, yeah.

2:27 Drew Because, I mean, it's either Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Then you or you may miss the Thursday people who were right after work. So you just do Thursday through Sunday, doing six shows. It should be fun. I haven't performed in California in a long time. I just about seven, eight weeks ago was in London, killed over there. Yeah, I had never performed out of the United States.

2:49 Bill Bellamy Incredible.

2:50 Drew So that was fun. I performed in London, did very well. Last weekend, I was at the Hard Rock in Florida.

2:56 Adam Where do you, when you go to London, well, how does it work? They know you're from movies.

3:01 Drew Yeah, they know me mostly from movies and MTV.

3:03 Adam On MTV.

3:05 Drew And mostly movies and MTV. And while I was on MTV, I didn't know how much people were like getting like, you know, the US feed.

3:15 Adam Right.

3:15 Drew So I get over there and I'm sort of like, well, you know, are they going to really find me funny over here? And it was just like no, no difference. It was like being in New York, basically. Where do you go, B? People have accents. Where? Where? Hi, Bill. How are you today?

3:30 Adam I know it's spooky when the black guys have that accent.

3:33 Drew I know. It's like a real tough dude.

3:35 Like you see a real tough guy like Lennox Lewis or something.

3:38 Drew He'd be like, Cheers, Mike. You'd be like, wow, he's not that tough. He's pretty eloquent.

3:43 Adam I know.

3:43 Bill Bellamy But Asian guys are freaking out a bit.

3:45 Adam Oh, Asian English?

3:46 Bill Bellamy With speaking like that.

3:47 Adam Oh, no, I haven't seen that.

3:49 Drew No, I haven't seen it. Why?

3:50 Adam Do they have that?

3:51 Drew Of course.

3:52 Adam I haven't seen that. Like to see that. I didn't think it could get any better than the Blacks, but Asians. There's a new novelty sheriff in town.

4:02 Drew He goes down in the UK.

4:05 Adam I'd like to see that. Find me one of them, would you?

4:07 Bill Bellamy I'm sure there are.

4:08 Drew Hello, mate. My name is Wong Lee.

4:11 Bill Bellamy Adam, I have a mutual friend. Wait, I have a mutual friend named Mark Young who's a professor at the business school at USC here in Southern California. And he has a nephew who's Australian. He has a heavy Australian accent.

4:22 And he's Asian?

4:23 Adam Get him in here.

4:25 Wow.

4:25 Adam I gotta take a look at this kid.

4:27 Bill Bellamy And he got the Australian joie de vivre, you know.

4:29 Wow.

4:30 Bill Bellamy The whole thing. He got the shrimp and the barbie, have a beer mentality.

4:33 Adam I gotta bring this kid to work with me.

4:34 Drew That's almost like a Chinese Jamaican.

4:37 Adam Yeah.

4:37 Drew I don't know. I mean, I was in Jamaica and I didn't know they have Chinese Jamaican.

4:41 Adam I didn't know that either.

4:42 Drew Yeah.

4:43 Adam I thought that was just a kind of chicken.

4:44 Drew No.

4:46 Adam Isn't that when it's extra tangy?

4:47 Drew A little tangy tang. No, no. It's really real. It's funny how the world has become so different. I mean, you don't know what you're getting these days.

4:55 Adam No.

4:56 Drew Everybody's mixed with something.

4:57 Adam It is that we've all turned into some sort of party mix.

5:01 Drew Yeah.

5:01 Adam A punch.

5:02 Drew It's a nice iPod.

5:03 Adam Punch ball. Yeah. It's a smorgasbord of music. You don't know what we're going to get next.

5:07 Bill Bellamy Genetic diversity breeds strength.

5:09 Adam It does, right? I like that, doctor. Think about how much stronger mutts are, how much stronger mutts are than purebreds.

5:16 Drew Yeah.

5:17 Adam Purebreds, their hips are going bad.

5:18 Drew One cold, one cold.

5:20 Adam Poodle. No, I mean a mutt always takes a poodle down.

5:23 Drew Spend three grand on a dog, you know what I mean? If he got hit by a car, you'd be like, okay, but no, he dies because his hip falls out.

5:29 Adam Right. That's not good.

5:30 Bill Bellamy Or he gets a cough.

5:30 Adam But you know what? I hate to say it, but the purebred's still better looking. You know what I mean?

5:36 Bill Bellamy Sometimes you get that wild card once in a while. Really, really nails it.

5:40 Adam Once in a while. Yeah. Once in a while.

5:42 Bill Bellamy That's better than anything else.

5:43 Adam Once in a while, you get that Akita crossed with a lab and it has those one blue eye and one blue eye.

5:49 That's a hot one.

5:50 Adam Once in a while, you get that, you know, you get that chick and she's like, well, my mom is full Cherokee Indian and my dad's Dutch. You know, and you're like, whoa.

5:59 Drew That's a good look.

5:59 Adam Wow, it works. And you go south in a hurry, though.

6:02 Bill Bellamy What's one of the superhero girls we had up here? What's her name?

6:05 Adam Superhero girl.

6:06 Bill Bellamy Didn't she play a superhero? She's kind of Korean, kind of Drake.

6:10 Adam All those Lee's and Loo's and all that.

6:13 Kelly who? Kelly who?

6:15 Adam Yeah. Yeah, that works. Oh no. That's my impression of a Mexican mom answering the phone when you ask her a kid.

6:25 Drew He know here.

6:26 Adam Yeah, that's how it works. You ever try to get your maid on the phone? I say, hey, so is Waldo there?

6:36 No! He know here!

6:37 Drew He know here today.

6:38 It's like, yeah, okay.

6:40 Drew He's his boss.

6:40 Relax.

6:41 Drew He still know here.

6:42 Adam It's not the INS. I got to talk to the guy. They're smart though. Very. They're smart people because they don't just hop right on the phone. And they don't, they don't, you know, you know, I was thinking.

6:52 Bill Bellamy I was thinking.

6:53 Adam I was talking about this because I employ a lot of Mexicans and I realize they have a nice don't ask, don't tell policy in front of each other. They don't rat each other out. Wow. You just say that even the Mexican guys who I'm working with, I'll just say, Rogelio, where's Oswaldo? They're just like, I don't know. Why should he tell me? Right. What's it going to do for him? Oswaldo could get in trouble. Oswaldo could get mad at him. He just says, I don't know, and he's out of it.

7:19 Drew Yeah, he's done.

7:20 Adam It's none of this.

7:20 Drew But he's standing right there.

7:22 But he's standing right there.

7:23 Drew He won't tell you.

7:23 Adam But he doesn't want to get into that. You know, see, the white guy, it's like, white guy rat a guy out. Like, where's Ray?

7:29 Ray?

7:30 Adam Ray went to the liquor store.

7:32 I told him not to go, but he said to F off. He was going.

7:35 Bill Bellamy So that's Adam.

7:36 F Adam.

7:37 Adam F Adam. Max, Max and guys are like, where's Adam? Right here? No? No, no. And just right back to work. They never get caught up in anything. True. That's right. Smart.

7:46 Drew All day, every day.

7:47 Adam That's the way I want to do it. So, yeah, genetic diversity. That's what we're talking about.

7:51 Drew That's what we're doing in 2005.

7:53 Adam Makes you stronger. Better. Better looking.

7:55 Bill Bellamy This is awesome.

7:56 Adam Yeah. You're Asian. That's a nice combo there. Because let me tell you something about the Asians. It's all there for the Asians, but they're like, they're like a chili that's a little too hot. You know what I mean? They need to be thinned out.

8:09 Just a little bit.

8:10 Adam All the flavors there, all the ingredients are there. They just, we just need to put a little flour in there, a little more broth.

8:14 Drew What a good zesty taste it is.

8:16 Adam Thicken it up a little bit just to take us a little hot. You know what I mean?

8:20 Drew Absolutely. But the Euro-Asian women are very beautiful.

8:22 Adam Oh, yeah.

8:23 Drew Just like you, they're breathtaking. You really don't know what you're dealing with there.

8:27 Adam Oh, you got it. You're just like, whoa. That's when that goes. And you know what? It doesn't go south that often either. There's not that much to go wrong.

8:34 Drew You just don't go real, unless the Euro is a little beat up.

8:39 Adam In the Euro side, can we have the Euro side a little husky?

8:41 Drew If the Euro side is a little weird, a little chunky, you might get a real bad.

8:46 Adam No, I don't blame the Asian side. It can go good. It can go very good.

8:49 Drew It can go wonderful.

8:50 Bill Bellamy Yeah, even with the chunky heritage.

8:52 Adam Oh really? Really? Nice.

8:55 Drew You're worth the butt right there.

8:56 Adam Nice ass.

8:56 Drew Oh, you get a nice Euro booty.

8:57 Adam Drew likes a little something. I know Bill does.

9:00 Drew Like a little nice Euro booty on there.

9:02 Adam Nothing wrong with that. All right, let's see.

9:04 Bill Bellamy This is an awesome call. I gotta hear this one.

9:06 Adam Professional dominatrix. Wow. Wait, Jessica, go ahead.

9:10 Bill Bellamy Hi. Oh my God. Sorry, I'm just totally soaked. I'm on the show. Anyway, I'm a professional dominatrix up in Northern California.

9:20 Bill Bellamy What do you do?

9:22 Bill Bellamy I take sessions of guys. Basically, they come in and they're like, I want to get my ass beat. We get up dressed up in straight clothes and hit them with all sorts of various objects.

9:32 Bill Bellamy So it's all about just beating on them.

9:34 Bill Bellamy Beat on them, verbal humiliation, all sorts of really interesting psychological stuff.

9:38 Bill Bellamy Beautiful. Wow. It's a beautiful thing.

9:40 Drew That's a great thing. Are you strong?

9:43 Bill Bellamy Yeah, actually, I am.

9:44 Well, that's a good stuff.

9:46 Bill Bellamy Giggling. I kick the crap out of guys.

9:48 Adam Speaking of ethnicities, no black guys, no Mexicans ever come in there when they get kicked around, right?

9:53 No, no.

9:54 Bill Bellamy No, yeah, we do.

9:56 Adam Watch in a while, you get a black guy?

9:58 Bill Bellamy Yeah.

9:59 Adam Not a Mexican guy.

10:00 Yeah. Yeah, we get both. Wow.

10:04 Adam Wow. We've come a long way.

10:05 Drew Everybody wants the ass kicked.

10:06 Bill Bellamy Society really is moving along.

10:07 Drew That's good. Everybody's into the dominatrix.

10:10 Adam Let me tell you something. In the past, the dominatrix did not see the black man or the Latino man because he was busy getting his ass kicked in society. He'd go out and get his ass kicked all day. When he paid money for a woman, he wanted to kick some ass and get a nice BJ. He didn't want to get his ass kicked. That was reserved for the fat white guys who were dominating everyone at work and firing people. They want to compensate by going in and getting their ass kicked a little.

10:37 Drew Get a feel on the job training a little bit.

10:39 Adam This is a good sign for society that she's servicing all the cultures. That's right.

10:45 Drew I will spank your ass.

10:46 Adam She's kicking rainbow ass. It's like a Skittles commercial.

10:51 Bill Bellamy But the reason I was calling, first of all, I have to say the reason I'm so nervous is because I've been listening to you guys since I was 12.

10:59 Drew That's good.

11:02 Bill Bellamy Adam, you are so sexy. Oh my goodness.

11:04 Adam Wow. All right.

11:05 Bill Bellamy I like to be a flogger to you. I'm sorry. I really do.

11:08 Bill Bellamy A flogger?

11:09 Yeah, a flogger.

11:10 Bill Bellamy Is that like a cat of Ninetales kind of thing?

11:12 Adam That's a good flog with it.

11:13 Bill Bellamy No, actually, I don't know how to use one of those. I'm still training, but-

11:17 Drew Do you have a training school for this? Okay.

11:19 Adam But you got to get registered.

11:20 Drew Yeah.

11:21 Bill Bellamy The guys I'm fascinated by are the guys that dress up like horses and pull the carriages over.

11:24 Adam Yeah, the pony ride stuff. We get those, I swear. Do you have those?

11:29 Bill Bellamy Yeah, it's called pony play.

11:32 Bill Bellamy I can't process that. I don't like that one. I think I understand humans and that one just throws me completely. It's like, what?

11:39 Bill Bellamy Yeah, no, you really do think you understand people, but the reason I was calling was just because I had an appointment today with a gentleman that looked almost exactly like Dr. Drew.

11:51 Bill Bellamy Painful erection will not go away. How do you know it wasn't me?

11:54 Adam Yeah, how do you know it wasn't him?

11:58 Bill Bellamy He was much more overweight than Dr. Drew is.

12:02 Bill Bellamy You just gotta relax.

12:03 Bill Bellamy And I know Dr. Drew's voice.

12:06 Adam Well, it's coming together. I mean, Drew's an attractive man and Drew would not need your services.

12:12 Bill Bellamy Exactly.

12:13 Drew Right.

12:13 Adam But this guy was like a fat Dr. Drew.

12:15 Bill Bellamy Yeah, it was really funny.

12:16 Drew Maybe he wanted you to beat the fat off of him.

12:20 Adam What did that?

12:21 Bill Bellamy I tried.

12:22 Adam Now, do you know what this guy does for a living? He's not a doctor, is he?

12:25 Bill Bellamy They don't usually tell us. No, I don't think he's a doctor. He's really smart.

12:30 Adam But usually professionals, right?

12:32 Bill Bellamy Yeah, usually. One of the other ones I had today, he wanted a lot of humiliation because he had to make this big merger or something like that, like million-dollar dollars or whatever. I'm sure they're probably just blowing smoke up my ass.

12:46 Adam But wait a minute. Now, this fits.

12:48 Bill Bellamy Yeah, it fits. So what, he wants to go to humiliate him so it clears his head for a proper decision?

12:54 Drew Because he's probably going to fire a lot of people, going to lose their jobs and stuff with the merger. He feels a little guilt.

13:00 Bill Bellamy So you want to beat the guilt out of him basically.

13:04 Adam Yeah, I'll tell you the part that doesn't fit. The Mexican guy, you never done a Mexican guy. One guy.

13:10 Bill Bellamy I swear.

13:11 Adam One out of 500 guys, right?

13:14 Bill Bellamy Well, yeah, but I had to do it today too.

13:17 Adam Well, no, Asians fine.

13:18 Drew Yeah, they love it.

13:19 Adam Now that's plenty. They got what you call like, they got expendable cash.

13:24 Bill Bellamy They also got a little hand up stuff.

13:26 Adam There's things that need to come out.

13:28 Drew They need to be beat up.

13:29 Adam Yeah, small people, big problems.

13:31 Bill Bellamy Yeah.

13:31 Adam That's an American Indian there.

13:33 Bill Bellamy So how'd the guy do today?

13:34 Drew Yeah.

13:36 Bill Bellamy The Dr. Drew guy?

13:37 Yeah, the Dr. Drew guy.

13:39 Bill Bellamy He wanted me to collar him and basically drag him around by a leash and humiliate him and tell him that he's a piece of garbage, whatever.

13:47 Right.

13:48 Adam What's he wearing during this time?

13:51 Bill Bellamy Well, we usually strip them. They usually strip themselves too, but he came in in like just a t-shirt and jeans.

13:56 Bill Bellamy Are they like having erections and getting a rouse and stuff?

13:59 Bill Bellamy Yeah, but we don't deal with, there's no genital contact. There's no sexual favors.

14:04 Bill Bellamy Are they contacting them?

14:06 Adam They're making contact with their genitalia.

14:08 Bill Bellamy Yeah.

14:10 Adam I mean, that's how you know the session's over, right?

14:13 Bill Bellamy Yeah.

14:14 Adam I mean, that's.

14:15 Drew How long do they usually last? I've never done it, but I was wondering.

14:19 How long do you what?

14:20 Drew How long does the session last? Yeah, until they finish it. Is it an hour or what is it?

14:25 Bill Bellamy That guy was an hour.

14:27 Adam Yeah, but do you charge by the hour?

14:29 Bill Bellamy Yeah. Oh, yeah.

14:30 Drew Oh, okay.

14:31 Adam Because let me tell you what I'd be doing. I'd be mindful of the clock because it's one of these things where you don't pay by 20-minute increments, not the parking lot at the airport. You know, you pay by the hour.

14:44 Drew Right.

14:44 Adam So you pay for an hour. You bust a nut at minute number eight. You're out. You're out an hour. Or now. And now you're just sitting there thinking, or you're just riding out the next 52 minutes thinking about your family. Well, you know, while you're wearing a leather vest with a sheriff badge on it and you have a flaccid penis just sitting in a puddle of its own sweat. Just you feel like an idiot at this point. You know what I mean? Like you got to get out of there. I mean, after you have an orgasm.

15:07 Bill Bellamy Whenever you think about it.

15:08 Adam But let me tell you the whole long saying, Drew, you don't want to get into that next hour.

15:13 Bill Bellamy Oh, I'm saying you got to fit.

15:14 Adam So I'm working it like, you know, I'm time in a jay.

15:18 Oh, he's very, I got to go.

15:21 I'm conscious.

15:23 Adam But about four tenths of a second earlier. So I'd go right up to the edge of that.

15:28 Drew But is that is that the way they do it? Like if you if you if you if you come too fast, you can't do that. You got to you have to be very, very, very diligent with your.

15:38 Adam What happens if they get into the next hour?

15:41 Bill Bellamy If they get into the next hour, we basically find a way to usher them out quickly, you know, whether or not they get to come or whatever.

15:47 Adam Well, what if they just want another hour?

15:50 Bill Bellamy Another hour? Well, then they pay again. But if we have another appointment scheduled, then they got to get their little asses out.

15:56 Bill Bellamy But here's the deal.

15:57 Adam I got to see them mopping up as you. Oh, I mean, listen, I don't even like going to a diner where the table's still messy from the last thing where the busboy was. Imagine this cleaning that up. You know what I mean? I don't want to see a little relish in front of me, a little spilled diet coke.

16:13 Yeah.

16:15 Adam Busboy in there. Oh, man. And how much does it cost, Jessica?

16:21 Bill Bellamy Let's see. For one lady, it's $130 an hour.

16:25 Drew $130 an hour.

16:26 Bill Bellamy For two, you add $65 to it, so it's $195 per hour.

16:30 Bill Bellamy And they don't work. They work for the tips. For two.

16:34 Drew You have to tip them too?

16:35 Bill Bellamy Oh, yeah.

16:36 Bill Bellamy You don't have to, but we like it.

16:38 Drew It would be nice if you got whipped very well.

16:41 Bill Bellamy Well-whipped.

16:42 Drew Well-whipped.

16:43 Bill Bellamy But here's the deal. If we ever, if you ever have sort of a, ever have thoughts about how well we understand the human being, just muse on this. Just ruminate on this for a few minutes and realize how totally bizarre and irrational humans are. There's no rationalizing any of this. There's none. You cannot make sense, so to speak, of any of this. It is bizarre motivational impulses that are remnants of something that gets imprinted on people's brain and they just gotta act it out. People try to make sense of it, but reality is it don't make sense.

17:13 Drew I've never made any sense of anybody trying to make me feel bad.

17:17 Bill Bellamy There may be sort of reasons of a sort of a sort, but to be reasonable about the irrational already doesn't fit.

17:23 Adam Well, about the best I can do with this, and this doesn't explain everything, but I just, I lump, there's a subsection of society that just likes their sex, likes the novelty, almost grotesque, bizarre side of sex. And-

17:41 Bill Bellamy The thing about a big category that is-

17:43 Adam Well, I know, but these are the people like to see people getting defecated on, or like the whiz on somebody, or like the stump or whatever.

17:50 Bill Bellamy You think those are the same guys that like watching the chicken getting hit by this freight train and stuff? The same guy?

17:56 Adam Yeah, I kind of do. I kind of do. And I put these guys into that culture too, where there's a whole set, there's a segment of society that wants to get their genitals pierced, that wants to get sleeved with tattoos, that would rather, instead of just seeing two good-looking people having sex, would rather see three guys inside one chick's ass simultaneously. You know what I mean?

18:23 Bill Bellamy Yes. But even that has sort of novelty, arousal quality, but why about these weird impulses?

18:28 Adam But 100 years ago, these-

18:31 Bill Bellamy How are these things even sexual?

18:33 Adam But look at it this way, the circus has always been popular, the sideshow, do you know what I mean? I mean, for hundreds of years-

18:40 Bill Bellamy But that's voyeurism.

18:41 Adam Well, there's a chick with a beard, or a guy with a unicorn coming out of his forehead, they just want to go look at the weird.

18:48 Bill Bellamy I get that people like the macabre and the weird and they're sort of attracted to violence, but how does that become sexual?

18:53 All right, but if you-

18:55 Adam Well, first off, anything you- everything you like can sort of become sexual.

19:00 Bill Bellamy No, if you're effed up.

19:02 Drew How do you make pony play?

19:04 Bill Bellamy Right, how does pulling Cinderella's- how does pulling Cinderella's carriage become ejaculation?

19:09 Adam How does that happen? Well, I'll tell you why, because you're looking to degrade yourself.

19:16 Bill Bellamy And how does that become sexual?

19:19 Adam Because it's a sort of pain principle thing. It's- there's- okay, every human- inside every human being has this. You got a fingernail that got smashed with a hammer, and every time you touch it, it's painful. There's a part of you that will flick at it, and inflict the same pain over and over. Now, for us, we'll do it a couple of minutes, and then we'll wrap it up and go to bed. Other people sort of really get into that aspect of their life. I think these are those people. It's like if there's something bizarre, something that frightens them, they almost have to embrace it.

19:50 Bill Bellamy I can get all that, but what I'm a billion miles, and I'm supposed to be the insightful guy here, a billion miles away from is how that then becomes sexual. To me, there could be new, too further apart experiences than poking yourself with a hot poker and sex.

20:05 Adam I'm saying almost, I'm saying things that induce feelings can become feelings of arousal, can become sexual very easily.

20:14 Bill Bellamy So it's almost like we're a circuit, and you opened up a circuit of arousal and this sort of, it stimulates a magnetic field or something that activates another circuit.

20:21 Adam Yeah.

20:22 Bill Bellamy A circuit, a byproduct of arousal.

20:24 Adam I think in a weird...

20:25 Bill Bellamy Because to say it makes sense.

20:27 Adam No, it doesn't make sense. But what I mean is, you could probably, if you had a friend who had a husband or boyfriend buy it in a motorcycle accident, you'd have a much better chance of having sex with her that night than you would the week before he died.

20:46 Bill Bellamy That's them trying to regulate their feelings with something. Trying to fill themselves with just that. Come in the room. But to say, now what you have a chance of doing with that person is put them in a doggy collar and have them jacked.

20:56 Adam Well, that's a taller order. I think I could still do it.

21:00 Bill Bellamy That stuff does not work for me.

21:02 Adam This is the way he would have wanted it.

21:04 Bill Bellamy It's some sort of weird... Let me spank you, baby. It's a circuit that got opened up.

21:07 Adam I feel like he's hovering over us looking at us right now.

21:09 Bill Bellamy You know what it is? It's like a rhythm disturbance in your heart. The heart's not going regular. It's going off for a couple of beats and this other circuit gets opened up. This is what the manifestations are.

21:19 Adam I don't have any great answers for pony play. I'm just saying.

21:22 Bill Bellamy Because people go, Oh, well, you know, sex can be about pain and about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. But no, no, no. Having high levels of intensity in sex is different than pain becoming sex.

21:34 Drew Yeah, I have a good one. What if somebody's asking you to do something that you think is totally unsafe? Would you still do it? I mean, you're talking to us. Does the dominatrix still do it? Is she still there?

21:44 Adam Yeah, let me put her on hold. Jessica.

21:48 Drew Jessica, I had a question for you. If a person came in and they asked you to do something that might be, you know, borderline unsafe, would you still do it knowing that it could turn out pretty bad?

21:58 Bill Bellamy No, of course not.

22:00 Drew Okay.

22:00 Bill Bellamy What about you, Bill?

22:03 Adam Yeah. What won't you do?

22:05 Bill Bellamy I'm sorry, delicate sensibilities.

22:06 Adam What request have you turned down? What have you turned down recently?

22:10 Bill Bellamy What have I turned down? There was recently a call to us that was asking for someone to be a submissive that they wanted to heavily, heavily cane her. And absolutely none of the women I work with will accept that.

22:28 Adam Cane, cane, cane her, okay.

22:30 Drew Do you have to bring your own cane or is there specific cane?

22:33 Bill Bellamy Here's what leads me to speculate that if this kind of violence can become sexual, maybe other kinds of violence has a sort of sexual drive to it too. And that's where we get suicide bombers and things like that.

22:43 Adam Well, yeah. I mean, there's rape, you know, and who the hell knows? I mean, I do think things are sort of attached to sexuality, or at least the cousin of sexuality. A lot of drives. I mean, it gets you up off your ass in the morning. Yeah. Usually. Usually. All right. We're gonna take a little break. Bill Bellamy is in studio tonight. Dear, dear friend, Bill Bellamy. He's gonna be...

23:08 Drew He's gonna be having a good time. That was a good one.

23:09 Adam He's gonna be at the Ontario Improv Thursday through Sunday.

23:13 Drew Way to go, B!

23:15 Adam This Thursday through Sunday. We'll take ourselves a quick break. When we come back, we'll speak to Erika. She got her clit pierced and a tore. Yeah.

23:25 Bill Bellamy More. Reason number 38 to get a clitoris piercing.

23:28 Adam Right. Or not to. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

23:35 Loveline will be right back.

23:36 So get your problems ready.

23:38 Ready.

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24:04 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew Bill Bellamy.

24:09 Drew In the House.

24:10 Adam Tonight, he's going to be at the Ontario Improv Thursday through Sunday. This Thursday through Sunday. Also got a DVD coming out.

24:19 Drew Yeah, man.

24:20 Adam So one hour special big A comes out September 20th.

24:23 Drew Yeah, it's called Back to My Roots. I thought it was time to come with a really, really funny, well thought, well written one hour special because it's been about seven, six or seven years since I did. My last one was on Showtime.

24:38 Adam Where did you record this?

24:40 Drew In Dallas, Texas.

24:42 Adam Did you go out there specifically to do this? Or is this part of your concert tour?

24:46 Drew Yeah, it was specifically to do that one. And the reason I think we chose Dallas, because that was like the first place I performed out of my area. Like, you know, I grew up in New Jersey. And I was like, man, what was one of the most significant places I performed and I just remember my first appearance when I went on the road. I went to Dallas, Texas, and I had such a great time. So it was just fond memories there. I went back. It was awesome.

25:11 Adam What's your story? How did you get started? How did you get discovered? How did you get on MTV? What did you do in high school? Did you go to college?

25:18 Drew Yeah, well, I definitely went to high school. But I actually got interested in comedy in college. I was just messing around, telling Joe's. I went to Rutgers. Which college? Yeah, I know. Rutgers is huge. It's like five campuses, right? I went to Livingston College, actually. And what was so crazy was I just stumbled upon comedy. I never grew up saying, I'm going to be this comedic dude. I just sort of was very funny around my friends. Everybody was like, dude, you're pretty crazy, you know? Next thing you know, I was like, all right, well, maybe let me write some of this stuff down. Next thing you know, I'm doing open mics. Next thing you know, I'm in school doing hosting stuff, talent shows, go from that, graduate. I started doing open mics in New York. Just boom, pop in, I see Chris Rock, I see De Chappelle. We're all doing our thing. And I started getting a name in the city and I got discovered by a lady named Tracy Jordan from MTV. She was like, dude, you're pretty funny. Do you like music? Next thing I know, I'm on MTV.

26:26 Adam So, how old are you at this point?

26:27 Drew 38.

26:29 Adam No, now, but how old are you?

26:30 Drew Oh, back then, I was probably about 22, 23.

26:33 Adam Wow. So, it happened pretty quick.

26:35 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

26:36 Adam What did you study in college?

26:38 Drew Economics. I went to school for business, so I was thinking like, you know, I'm going to be this like super duper stockbroker kind of guy. I was going to get in investment stuff. And when I found out that I really love to make people laugh, it was just the immediate feeling that I had. I knew that was the right move.

26:53 Adam Do you know, though, because of your economic background, do you feel confident investing your money, or do you feel like you have a sort of step up on the general populace in terms of if you have some money, you know where to put it or know what to do with it?

27:07 Drew I just think that I have an understanding of how to make money work for you. You know, if you have some.

27:12 Bill Bellamy For college, economics?

27:14 Drew Well, and reading a lot.

27:15 Bill Bellamy Reading a lot.

27:17 Adam What about economics and college?

27:18 Bill Bellamy It has no relationship to reading a spreadsheet for a company.

27:22 Drew No, well, I mean economics.

27:25 Bill Bellamy No, no, I'm just saying, I knew that he had to have done some outside studying on his own if he's interested in that.

27:30 Drew No, no, but seriously, you know, when you start thinking about investments, you know, you know, I figured like once I started making some money, I would want to, you know.

27:37 Bill Bellamy Right. So you studied up.

27:38 Drew So I started reading a lot and figuring out like what do people do who have money? That's like, you know, and then you start talking to people who have money. Yeah. And then, you know, and then, you know, it's like, it's not that it's not a big maze. You just kind of like do a little at a time.

27:50 Adam Yeah. Well, I was thinking about that. I had a couple of thoughts. One is, is somebody ought to teach just a one month class on like what to do with your money, not what to do to save it, what to do to make it. If you have a little, you know, should you should you pay your mortgage with your credit card and then pay the whatever percent on the credit card? Should you make an extra mortgage payment a year instead of just a handful of basic whatever, you know, things to do top 10 things. I mean, people are completely out of it.

28:20 Bill Bellamy But the problem is there is if you had 100 guys teach that course, each guy would come up with 10 different top tens. So what you need is your own sort of you got to read it yourself and then find somebody you kind of relate to.

28:31 Adam No, but here's what I think you need. You need a top 10 for a single guy in his 20s, a top 10 for a young couple, a top 10 for a guy who just got a raise, is making over 100 grand a year. You know, there would be a couple of different top tens, but just some, you know, it was never discussed. It was never discussed at school. It was never discussed at home. I don't think most people, ironically, most poor people really never hear anything about it. They get, you know, it's like I had, I owed the IRS, I don't know, 3,400 bucks. They gave me my minimum payment plan when I was in my 20s. I paid like 33 bucks a month. I paid 33 bucks a month for six years. And then finally, when I made a little money and decided I was just going to pay it off, it was still 3,800 bucks. I just paid the interest and the penalty, like every month for years. I mean, you don't really, you know, people don't realize how much it costs to be poor. Like, hey, if you got sterling credit, you can go in and buy a car at 4%, 3% or 0%. If you've had a couple of bad run-ins, you're paying 18%, but you are punished. You are punished harsh. You can get a credit card, run up 5, 10 grand debt, pay the minimum. You'll pay 50 bucks a month for the rest of your life. You'll never get into that principle. And it's just, now you're poor and it's costing you more to be poor. You can just get your ass kicked when you're poor. You do.

29:57 Caller Like all day.

29:58 Adam Yeah.

29:59 Drew It is like a nonstop kicking.

30:01 Adam You know, you realize it's just I'll tell you how it works, too. It's like it costs two bucks to get the 20 to get the money out of the ATM.

30:10 Drew Right.

30:11 Adam So when you're poor, you only take 20 bucks at a time, right? You just can't afford to take a lot out. I would just go take 20 bucks at a time. I didn't have that. So it was two bucks times 20. It was like 10 percent. Yeah. You pay 10 percent every time you take 10 percent of your money. Yeah. Now you get 300 out. You're paying 2 percent or whatever. However, it works out to be less. Point is, is you're paying 10 percent. So it costs more. You're filling up your car. You can't fill up your car. You got to put five, 10 bucks in at a time when you're poor. You got to stop the gas station five times as much. Using more time, all that stuff. You know what I mean? It just costs more.

30:47 Drew So, Adam, stay rich.

30:49 Adam Oh, man. Are you kidding? Literally a millionaire, Bill, literally, literally.

30:54 Bill Bellamy Brought in the Rob report today.

30:55 Adam Yeah.

30:56 Drew Brought in the guys balling out of control.

30:58 Caller Came in in a helicopter today.

31:00 Adam That's right. Repelled down, wearing a white blazer. Yeah, like James Bond. Erica?

31:06 Yeah.

31:06 Adam You're 20?

31:07 Caller No, I'm 18.

31:09 Adam Oh, you're 18.

31:09 Caller Yeah, I love you, Adam.

31:11 Adam Thank you.

31:12 Caller Corolla.

31:13 Caller Yep.

31:14 Caller Adam.

31:15 Caller Corolla.

31:16 Adam Hey, Bill.

31:16 Drew Yo.

31:17 Adam Yeah. Trying to get, you know, the pool game Marco Polo? Trying to get that change to Adam Corolla.

31:23 Drew Oh, that'd be hot.

31:24 Adam Lil Lisa's and nephew's flapping around in the pool.

31:27 Caller Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla. Yeah.

31:31 Drew Get into it.

31:32 Adam That'd be hot, right?

31:33 Drew It might work. You just got to get it rolling.

31:35 Adam You started doing this. What I'm doing.

31:36 Drew Pool parties nationwide.

31:37 Adam Oh, no, I'm out there. Erica?

31:40 Caller Yeah.

31:41 Adam Yeah. I got.

31:42 Caller Yeah.

31:43 Adam What's happening?

31:44 Caller Oh, well, yesterday, my Clit Hood tour.

31:48 Adam Oh, yeah. That's right.

31:49 Caller Yeah. And so I was wondering the only way to get it fixed, is that just, I mean, is it even worth getting surgery over?

31:57 Adam No, is it? Do they repair that?

32:00 Bill Bellamy I don't know. That's an interesting question. Is there actually flaps, two flaps now?

32:04 Caller Well, yeah, because it's like if your tongue ring got pulled out, how...

32:08 Adam Does it look like a snake's tongue?

32:10 Caller Yeah, it's a little one.

32:13 Bill Bellamy A little forked, but it's not... When did this happen?

32:16 Caller It just happened yesterday.

32:17 Bill Bellamy Okay, and the edges of the forked tongue aren't coming together and sort of healing?

32:23 Caller Right.

32:23 Bill Bellamy They aren't.

32:24 Caller Yeah, and I didn't even... The weird thing is I didn't even feel it tear out, like it fell, and I didn't think anything of it till later.

32:29 Bill Bellamy I think this will kind of repair itself.

32:31 Caller Really?

32:33 Bill Bellamy Maybe I'm not imagining what you've got here. Is it actually affecting the clitoris itself?

32:38 Caller It's right above the clit.

32:39 Adam Yeah, but it doesn't affect it.

32:41 Bill Bellamy It's like you tore out a male's prepuce. It's just...

32:44 Adam Yeah, you're fine. I had my dog step on my nut sack today.

32:49 Bill Bellamy Oh, nice.

32:49 Adam Yeah, and I mean it was on the ground.

32:52 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

32:54 Drew I stepped his paw right through it.

32:56 Bill Bellamy Adam has a prodigious sack, and so it kind of flops out of the open there.

32:59 Drew Yeah, it just to get in the way of things.

33:01 Adam I'm not kidding. I was wearing my bathrobe and nothing else. My dog was barking at the French door. I came up behind the dog, sitting on the carpet. I was going to grab the dog, do a bear hug, and sort of roll backward onto my back and pull the dog and slap its belly and stuff. As I was pulling the dog backwards, I was sitting down almost kind of Indian style, just my ass. It took a step back, the nut sack was on the ground. It stepped onto the nut. It just put the full weight on the nut as I teetered the dog back on its paw. Then the dog was like, I was like, oh, and my wife was like, you're hurting her.

33:38 Caller I was like, no, it's no, you hurt her leg.

33:41 Caller I said, my nut.

33:42 Adam She stepped on my nut. I'm pretty sure she did it on purpose still. I mean, it's one thing to get your nut hit, or stepped on, or smacked. It's another thing when you have your nut actually resting on terra firma.

33:54 Bill Bellamy You're talking about crushed.

33:54 Adam And somebody steps on it.

33:56 Drew And that's crushed. For about two, three extra seconds.

33:59 Adam Yeah.

33:59 Drew That's a lot of pain.

34:00 Adam Yeah. And by the way, dogs, dogs don't back off. You know, they don't go, oh, God, his nut.

34:06 Bill Bellamy They don't jump off.

34:06 Adam They don't jump off. You know, you know, when you're, oh, you know, you have to do that weird dance around thing.

34:11 Bill Bellamy No, no, they're just standing and looking.

34:12 Adam Yeah, see guys, guys got that thing like when the defensive end is rushing the quarterback, but he released the ball and they don't want to get a penalty.

34:21 Caller So they'll do that release.

34:22 Adam Yeah, I think when they missed the punter or something, they'll do that with their nutsack. Dog, they don't got that. They keep going. They follow through. Speaking of that, I'll just tell you something that was funny. You know, I go home and I watch, I love football season. And now you can turn on channel 206 or something. They just show old NFL games and it's cool. Last night, they had like bad boys of the NFL and Oakland Raiders, Aliyah Al-Zado, the usual stuff. And they're interviewing Deacon Jones, old Rams.

34:57 Caller Deacon!

34:58 Adam Rams all-pro. And Deacon is one of these guys. He's so bad. He's such a badass. His eyeballs are bloodshot all the time. Like, you know, you know, you know, the black guys, they just look like they just drink, they're just black. And their eyes are like, like glassy and bloodshot and everything.

35:15 Bill Bellamy It was Borland Olson, Youngblood.

35:17 Adam Rosie Greer. Rosie Greer. Liam Buzzard and Deacon Jones.

35:20 Bill Bellamy What were they called? The Fearsome Foursome?

35:22 Adam Fearsome Foursome. So Deacon Jones goes, well, what I would do is I'd go upside the head, you know, cause that's back when it was just head slapping. I mean, these guys just whack each other in the side of the head, knock the guy out and go crush a quarterback. And they're just clothes lining and head hunting. I mean, you watch those old films from the 60s and even the 70s, guys just coming in. They would just pad their arms and they would just come flying in and clothesline everybody. And there's a couple, there's a guy in Denver. But anyway, so Deacon is being interviewed and Deacon he goes, now I found out when you go upside a man or woman's head, he had actually added woman.

36:04 Drew This is like the 70s.

36:06 Adam He found out through technique, through trial and error, that he's basically saying you whack someone in the side of the head and they'll blink for a minute and you can get around him. I don't know why he had to add woman.

36:17 Drew I think Deacon Jones had to really try it out on a few women back in the day.

36:22 Adam When you're interviewing and you're talking about a football technique, like we're not asking what you're doing, bars, we're just saying how do you get around the strong side tackle? And he goes, you go upside a man or woman's head, he actually added woman. I was so glad because I had a couple glasses of wine, I mean the TiVo remote. Let me see him say that again. That was awesome. Or woman's head. Yeah. I like to talk to Deacon's first wife. See how that was going.

36:49 Drew She can't remember anything. She got clothesline so many times.

36:52 Bill Bellamy I watched Paper Lion the other day.

36:54 Adam That's a good movie.

36:55 Bill Bellamy You got to go back and see that.

36:56 Adam I've seen it.

36:57 Drew Paper Lion?

36:58 Adam Yeah. Alan Alda.

36:58 Bill Bellamy Really, it throws you. You got an all-pro football team doing jumping jacks and stretching the way a high school football team would.

37:05 Adam Hey, Bill was in a classic football movie. Yeah, Any Given Sunday.

37:11 Drew That was one of the most ambitious, I thought, portrayals of football life.

37:18 Adam Yeah.

37:18 Drew Because it was really real. I mean, the stuff that they cut out of the movie, I don't think the NFL would have supported, but it was just real.

37:25 Adam What did they cut out?

37:26 Drew A lot of the stuff like, you know, the drugs, the sex.

37:31 Bill Bellamy They cut out because they were afraid the NFL would object?

37:33 Drew Well, no, the NFL cut it out. Oh, right. The NFL didn't want to sanction. That's why, I mean, initially in the film, we were going to wear NFL uniforms. And the way Oliver Stone wrote the movie, it was going to be a lot of the real undertones, what's going on, the pressures, the raw deals, that's going to guys that don't make their bonuses and why they're like, you know, it was just going to be a really rough version of Any Given Sunday. So they just changed it up. We became the Sharks.

38:02 Adam Right. Yeah.

38:03 Drew And we paid the Penguins or something, you know.

38:05 Adam The Thamesmen or something.

38:06 Drew Yeah, like they just flipped the script to the Lancers.

38:08 Adam Yeah. But Bill looked good in his uniform and looked like he could play.

38:11 Drew I did. I actually went to a football camp.

38:14 Adam You looked like you knew what you were doing.

38:16 Drew No. I never played, you know, organized football. I was so skinny. I was like 110 pounds.

38:20 Adam But it's funny, you moved well. Well, you moved. You're fluent.

38:23 Drew Well, when guys are chasing you that are really fast.

38:25 Adam Yeah, but you can still look dorky when you're running. Believe you me. I've seen Kimmel run.

38:31 Drew Is it crazy?

38:32 Adam Oh, man. Woof. Ain't a football camp big enough for him.

38:37 Bill Bellamy All right.

38:37 Adam Let's take a break. Bill Bellamy in the studio. Drew, you look all right running, right?

38:41 Drew Can you run?

38:42 Bill Bellamy You know, I'm really look really good for about five yards. Drew, that's it.

38:46 Drew So you're just doing a quick slap.

38:47 Bill Bellamy I'm super quick.

38:48 Adam Yeah.

38:48 Bill Bellamy Super quick. And then it's just a.

38:49 Adam He's a possession type receiver.

38:50 Bill Bellamy All white.

38:51 Adam Yeah.

38:51 Bill Bellamy All white, man. Faggot better run.

38:54 Adam Let's let's take ourselves a. By the way, speaking of white guys versus black guys, another thing I was watching was the running back on Denver a few years ago. He got injured in 2000. I don't know, rookie of the year or something. He was one of these guys. Anyway, never played high school ball. Really? They showed pictures of him in the band playing the drums, like he loved to play the drums. Ain't a white guy on the planet that set the rookie record for rushing yards. Didn't play any high school ball. Just never played. Never played Pop Warner. Never wanted to. Never wanted to play high school.

39:26 Bill Bellamy There's a lot of God given talent out there.

39:29 Adam Yeah. It don't have blue eyes either. No, no.

39:33 Bill Bellamy Well, if he's kicking field goals sometimes.

39:35 Adam Yeah, but that guy's been kicking since he was nine.

39:37 Drew Yeah. He knew he was going to be a kicker.

39:40 Adam I just love hearing about these guys. This guy, I don't know what to say. He was the Denver back. Four years ago, he ran for 1,500 yards. Denver had a few backs and was just making tons of yards. The point is, he never thought about playing football in high school. Went right through. Then he went into the Marines. Still no football.

39:59 Caller He's going to be Rookie of the Year in the NFL.

40:02 Adam Now imagine this. Here's a guy, he doesn't play high school ball. He then goes from high school, goes from playing the drums, into the Marines. Now he's like 21, 22. He's in the Marines. And yet he's still not going to be NFL Rookie of the Year. He's still not there yet. Meanwhile, he's not touched the football. Do you know what I'm saying?

40:21 Bill Bellamy Unthinkable.

40:22 Adam Unthinkable, isn't it? Unthinkable. All right, we'll find out that guy's name.

40:26 Bill Bellamy But why don't you got no play, playa?

40:29 Adam Bill Bellamy, in tonight, we'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

40:33 Caller Hello, this is your radio.

40:40 Adam Ready for something new? Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Drew, you typing that in?

41:06 Caller You guys are still looking for that?

41:08 Adam Well, Chris spent the beginning part looking for it.

41:11 Yes, I did.

41:12 Adam Yeah, Chris, Chris doesn't, he doesn't, like if he was a fisherman, he'd have a gill net, not a harpoon, you know? He goes wide, he goes wide and starts, you know, he was reeling it into the boat, and then he had some dolphins and some plankton and some seaweed in there. You just gotta sort through it. That's all before you.

41:29 I can get it eventually, but...

41:31 Adam You start wide. All right, Drew, did you punch in NFL rookie rushing record?

41:37 Bill Bellamy All right.

41:40 Adam He has the record for, it's a rookie rushing record. Hey everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew.

41:47 Drew This is Bill Bellamy.

41:48 Adam And that's Bill Bellamy. Bill can be found at the Ontario Improv Thursday through Sunday, that is this Thursday through Sunday. What's that?

41:59 Drew Clinton Portis?

42:00 Adam I don't think it's Clinton Portis.

42:02 Drew No.

42:03 Adam Drew, you can't find the guys, the rookie, rookie, I don't really have time exactly. You don't have time. Go find it, would you? Can't you just punch that in?

42:13 Caller I did, it didn't come up. Didn't come up?

42:16 Adam Anderson, get on the internet and find this thing, would you? Come on, we got a question for Bill. The guy has the rookie rushing record for Denver, 2000 or 2001, 1400 yards. I just want to figure out the guy's name, it's driving me nuts now. Dan?

42:32 Yo, what's going on, Adam?

42:34 Adam Yo, you got a question for Bill?

42:35 Yeah, I do, but real quick, the running back that has the rookie rushing record is Mike Anderson from Utah.

42:42 Drew Mike, Utah? He played for Denver too?

42:45 Adam Oh, Mike Anderson.

42:46 Yeah, Mike Anderson is a running back for the Denver Broncos.

42:48 Adam For Denver, yeah, Mike Anderson.

42:50 Yeah, the ironic part is, there's a black guy for Utah and he got the rookie rushing record.

42:55 Adam Well, he got the rookie rushing record in Denver.

42:58 Yeah, in Denver, but he played college ball in Utah.

43:00 Bill Bellamy Yeah, Mormon?

43:01 Adam I understand that.

43:02 Yeah. My question for Bill was, I'm actually a young and inspiring stand-up comedian. I was wondering, I was thinking about moving to New York to try to do stand-up.

43:12 Drew Right.

43:12 But a bunch of the comedians that I work with tell me to move to LA.

43:17 Drew What do you what do you look to do with your comedy, though?

43:19 Like, you know, a lot of people, Adam, I'm a huge fan of Love. I'm actually the board hop for KFMA in Tucson.

43:25 Adam Oh, good.

43:26 Bill Bellamy I'm coming to Arizona like the afternoon.

43:28 Adam Why don't you go now?

43:29 Yeah, actually. Hey, Bill, your buddy from How to Be a Player did a special show Sunday and Monday night at the comedy club down here.

43:36 Drew Oh, really?

43:37 Adam Get on the Internet, figure out his name.

43:39 Drew I know who he is.

43:40 Bill Bellamy Oh, OK.

43:40 Yeah, I would tell you his name, but I don't honestly know it.

43:44 Adam So what do you think? Your friends say go to LA. You think go to New York.

43:49 Bill Bellamy Here's the deal. It's a lovely 118 in Tucson today. Yeah, it was all you got to go somewhere.

43:53 Drew You got to get out of there. The closest the closest destination would be come to LA. But the thing about LA is you have to be really, really sure of what your intentions are. I mean, if you if you want to come out here and just be a stand up, I think it's really, really difficult to start now because what about doing improvisational troops and that kind of thing?

44:11 Adam You don't make any money.

44:12 Drew You don't make any money in LA. You know, you just you like, I mean, they're really, they're really tough on letting you get on stage. You know, in New York, you can get on, excuse me, in New York, you can get on stage a lot easier, I think.

44:25 Adam How about this? I mean, I always felt when I used to try to do stand up that living in LA was almost too tough, too competitive. If you were at a smaller town, if you could find a place, even if it's just a restaurant or something, where you could work out for a couple of years, log your time on stage and then go somewhere. I mean, here's...

44:45 Ace man, I'm hearing what you're saying. In fact, I've been listening to Loveline for about six or seven years. I actually started to do an open mic in Tucson. I'm a student at U of A, which everyone knows is a four-year junior college, as you would call it.

44:57 Bill Bellamy Six or seven years.

44:57 Adam Yeah.

44:58 Yeah, I'm in my 10th year, so I'm actually getting out of there early.

45:01 Adam Right, so you've done, you've paid your dues in terms of the open mics?

45:05 Oh, exactly. I mean, I've been doing open mic for since I was 19, and I'm 22 now.

45:10 Adam All right, well here's all I'm saying, and I know you're asking, Bill. I'm just saying, I wouldn't go to New York or LA without a good tight 10, 15 minutes.

45:18 Drew I mean, it's going to be hilarious.

45:20 Adam That you could showcase to somebody and get a gig, instead of just come here and start wandering around.

45:26 Yeah, exactly. Well, the thing is, I actually heard you, when you guys had David Tell on Loveline, you were asking, you know, a lot of people use stand-up comedy as a jumping pad towards acting, writing, directing, all that. But I actually like stand-up just for stand-up. That's all I want to do. I love stand-up. I've loved it ever since, you know, as a little kid.

45:42 Drew I mean, there's nothing that can stop you. You have to love it because, I mean, I love to make people laugh. Like, at the end of the day, it is nothing that I do that makes me happier than just like seeing people fall over laughing. It's just a beautiful gift to have. But if that is the true love, then you can perform anywhere. It just depends on how far you want to take it. Because, I mean, I've performed at that improv out there in Tempe, and it's really nice club.

46:10 Adam Oh, really?

46:10 Caller Yeah.

46:12 Adam Yeah. You know, I think there's this almost adage or almost a belief that you just have to move. No matter where you are, if you're going to do something, you got to pack up and go to another town.

46:22 Drew It just depends on what you want to do with it. I mean, I was good in New Jersey. I lived in New Jersey. I worked out there for like two, three years. And then I started doing my thing in New York. But I didn't want to just be the best dude in New Jersey.

46:34 Adam Right. And there's a time you outgrow it. But I'm not so sure that Dan is outgrown wherever he is. That's all I'm saying. He's 22. Better to be good, wait an extra year, really hone your craft, and then make the move and get a gig. Then go get rejected, put your tail between your legs and move back. Bill Bellamy is in studio tonight. You want to see him apply his trade. He's going to be at the Ontario Improv Thursday through Sunday. This Thursday through Sunday, we'll take a quick break. When we come back, we'll speak to Boyfriend wants to have threesome with girl who does drugs. Yeah, and they live in Utah. All that after this. Yeah, everybody, it's the Loveline of Adam, that's Dr. True, Bill Bellamy.

47:58 Drew Oh, man, we are like the three amigos tonight. We're knocking the first question out the box, Dominatrix. It's a beat and for a living.

48:08 Adam It's good to see Bill for a living. It's good to see Bill because it's been a little while.

48:13 Drew Yeah, man, I've been doing it. Yeah, it's been over a year. I mean, since then, I've shot two movies. What else do I do?

48:21 Adam Do you pilot?

48:22 Drew I did a pilot for Fox, but it didn't get picked up. It was a sports agency show called Amy Coyne, which was an ensemble. Really great, great, great idea.

48:35 Adam Hey, I like the what was it? Driven. What was the Fastlane Fastlane?

48:39 Drew Yeah, Fastlane was that was the bar for everybody out there who ever watched the show, who dropped by my website and just left notes about the show. So many people got wind of it and liked it. I don't know why Fox pulled the plugs too early, I think.

48:54 Adam Yeah. Well, I think, I mean, just from watching the episodes that you did, it looked like a pretty expensive show to do. It was like crazy making a movie. They were like flipping cars and blowing stuff up. And it was shot like it was like shot like like a movie. I mean, when the car action action shot like an action movie, when the car rolled over, it wasn't just one long shot. It was a shot from inside the car, the shot from under the car, the camera that was the cigarette that flew out the window, the camera mounted to a squirrel that ran in front of the car. It was all these crazy angles like you realize. Well, that that three seconds there, that that cost us about 400 grand. Yeah, that's what that took right there.

49:36 Drew Then they had to pay us.

49:38 Adam Yeah.

49:38 Drew Yeah.

49:38 Adam I was a that was the who was your partner in that?

49:42 Drew Peter Faccinelli.

49:43 Adam What's what's he got to?

49:44 Drew Well, last that I saw he was he had a recurring role on on Six Feet Under.

49:52 Adam No, that's right.

49:52 Drew Yeah. So and Tiffany just got married.

49:55 Adam Yep. Saw that on the cover. Yeah.

49:57 Drew She finally settled down.

49:59 Adam Decent.

49:59 Drew Yeah. Tiffany Amber Thieson. We put unbelievable to your ears right now. I know this is going to sound crazy. They have put the whole show, the whole season on Court TV.

50:10 Adam I've seen it. I'm like, whoa, I didn't even know what it was on, but it was on somewhere. It keeps things are getting repurposed, as they say.

50:17 Drew Yeah.

50:18 Adam And they're just getting rerun. I you know, we do the Andy Milonakis show on MTV and the things over on like Bravo, like the stuff like it used to be stuff would be on it, be on NBC for eight years. And then it would go off the air for six years and then it would pop up on USA.

50:37 Drew Right.

50:38 Adam Eight years later. So they don't wait. Now, the S they showed original the the original episode they showed Sunday night on MTV is showing up like on Bravo on Tuesday. Like shows that they only made six episodes of are in syndication.

50:57 Drew Yeah.

50:57 Adam You know, like, I don't know how many fast lane episodes we did. Twenty two did twenty two episodes. But there's shows like Action that you may not remember because they only did like six or eight of them.

51:08 Caller They're still showing it.

51:09 Bill Bellamy Buddy Hackett.

51:10 Caller Yeah, right. Right.

51:10 Adam Those those those things are showing up places like it's I think because there's so many channels and stuff that they need program.

51:18 Drew So they just like, what are you doing with that fast lane? You can't hold. Yeah.

51:21 Bill Bellamy Why not take that stuff and show it?

51:23 Adam Why not? And as opposed to what? Just showing the Indian head with the or or like when we were growing up, remember, you'd see like the F-15 climbing and it'd be like, and I reached up and I touched the face of God. And you'd be like, huh? Oh, it's late.

51:40 Caller I got to go to bed.

51:41 Adam Like when I hear Charlton Heston talking about touching the face of God, I see the F-16 just flying straight up through the clouds and the patriotic music. It means it means and you're going to get hit with that flat line in a second. And the thing's going. You kids don't remember. TV used to end. Stores used to close. You guys don't remember. Stuff came to a finish. Like here's the deal.

52:04 Drew No such thing as 24 hours.

52:06 Adam If you wanted something on a Sunday, you couldn't get it. Whatever it was. Whatever it was, you couldn't get it.

52:13 Caller Hey, you should have thought about that Friday.

52:15 Adam Because it's closed and it's going through the weekend and I'll see you on Monday. There was no cash. You should have got your cash out the bank on Friday because you can't get it on Saturday or Sunday. And if you don't got any money, then you don't got any money until Monday. And the TV shuts down about 132. That's it.

52:36 Drew Boom.

52:36 Adam No more.

52:36 Drew Every night.

52:37 Adam And then it'll lead off with a little show called The Farm Report. About 5 a.m. you may want to stay up. If you're high enough, you can stay up for that. But now, but there was a time when there was a time to go to bed because your TV told you.

52:51 Caller Right.

52:52 Adam You hear Charlton Heston talk about touching the face of God in the F-14 going up in the air. You go, okay, now it's time to go to bed. Now you can just flip around and go, you'll probably find something pretty good at 4 a.m. Of course.

53:02 Caller You're TiVo.

53:03 Adam Oh, well with the TiVo, you never go to sleep. Always something to watch.

53:07 Drew Love Mr. TiVo where you are.

53:09 Adam Me too. Love that TiVo. Reena?

53:13 Yes?

53:14 Adam You're 29?

53:15 Caller Yes, I am.

53:16 Drew What's up, Reena?

53:17 Adam What's happening?

53:18 Caller Well, not much.

53:20 Adam Tell us your problem.

53:22 Caller Well, my guy friend that I've been seeing for about three years is trying to tuck me into having a threesome with this girl that's doing drugs. And she's just not what I'm into.

53:35 Adam Reena, you're a big gal.

53:38 Caller I am.

53:39 Adam All right. That's what I figure.

53:41 Bill Bellamy Are you a Mormon?

53:44 Caller Jack Mormon. I smoke, I drink.

53:47 Adam What kind of Mormon?

53:48 Bill Bellamy Jack Mormon. She is a Mormon, but she's doing drugs and alcohol.

53:51 Drew Oh, that's cool.

53:52 Adam What's Jack Mormon?

53:52 Drew Way to fight it.

53:53 Bill Bellamy Jack Mormon.

53:54 Caller What's it called?

53:54 Adam Jack Mormon?

53:54 Bill Bellamy Alcoholic Mormon, is basically what that is.

53:56 Caller Wow, I like that.

53:57 Drew Is that because of Jack Daniels?

53:59 Adam What I call Jack, where's the Jack part come from?

54:03 Caller I'm not totally active in the church, but I was baptized in Mormon.

54:06 Bill Bellamy No, but where does the name Jack come from?

54:08 Adam Do we ever get an answer?

54:09 Drew We never get an answer.

54:10 Bill Bellamy Where does the name come from?

54:11 Adam I'm a Jack atheist.

54:12 Bill Bellamy What did that refer to when it was first used, the term Jack Mormon?

54:18 Caller Hmm, I'm not exactly sure, I just-

54:20 Bill Bellamy Okay, okay.

54:22 Drew We don't want to stop right there.

54:23 Bill Bellamy I know.

54:24 Caller Probably one of the Mormon members was always drunk and his name was Jack.

54:29 Adam Look up Jack Mormon, engineer Chris. Thank you. A few short days, we'll have an answer to this question.

54:35 Caller Just so you know, I love your guys' show every night.

54:38 Adam Thanks, baby doll. So you're a big gal.

54:41 Caller I called last week and got hung up on.

54:43 Adam I'm sorry about that.

54:44 Drew Didn't you mean to?

54:45 Adam Who hung up on you? We didn't hang up on you.

54:47 Caller I can't remember the guy's name. I didn't get to talk to you guys. It was a guy that answered and.

54:53 Adam Yeah. Yeah. He's a screener. Yes. Give him a raise, by the way. It means he's doing his job.

54:58 Caller We don't have a guy screener, though.

55:00 Adam And we don't have a guy screener. OK, so.

55:06 Bill Bellamy We were saying, You're not into this girl. Is this a boyfriend?

55:10 Adam It's a guy she's been seeing for three years.

55:14 Bill Bellamy So some guy was just having sex with you.

55:15 Adam You deserve a little better, baby doll. Now, what's going on with your life? Because here's my plan. I want to I want to whip you into shape, not only physically, but emotionally, and then have you build up your confidence and have you get a guy who appreciates you.

55:28 Bill Bellamy Yeah.

55:29 Adam Now, what's going on? How much you weigh?

55:32 Caller I weigh almost 200 pounds.

55:34 Adam All right.

55:35 Caller Now, we've had callers on our pounds right now.

55:37 Adam Where do you where do you work?

55:38 Bill Bellamy We've had callers call in and tell us that they were healthy, but not fat to 10 to 20.

55:43 Caller I work at a place called Chromalox in North August. Okay.

55:47 Adam And what do you do there?

55:48 Caller I fill the heating elements.

55:52 Adam All right. That's a sexy job. And what do they make?

55:57 Caller What do you mean? What do they make?

55:59 Bill Bellamy What do they manufacture there?

56:01 Caller Heating elements for like the stoves and popcorn machines and.

56:05 Okay. Oh, all right.

56:07 Adam We got to talk about Fastlane, Bill. This is Fastlane.

56:10 Bill Bellamy Can the what do they make in her mind? Who you're referring to?

56:13 Adam Right.

56:14 Drew It was a girl. I had a question that popped into my head. Was it is it because the girl's not that cute or is not your type?

56:20 Bill Bellamy Well, let's just try it out.

56:21 Drew Well, you are you just not into drug addict girls who aren't cute?

56:25 Caller Well, she's a drug addict. She's not not my type.

56:29 Adam All right. So we already have the girls.

56:32 Bill Bellamy Is he already having sex with this girl?

56:34 Caller No.

56:34 Bill Bellamy All right. So what the hell?

56:36 Adam And why are you hanging around?

56:37 Caller No, I took that back. He has been.

56:39 Bill Bellamy Beautiful.

56:40 Adam OK.

56:40 Bill Bellamy Perfect.

56:41 Adam By the way, that's not not an easy one to screw up. I mean, you know, he hasn't. No, it's not. No, it's not. Yes. Yes, he is.

56:48 Bill Bellamy Wait a second.

56:49 Adam He's on top of her now.

56:49 Bill Bellamy Now you mentioned it. Yeah.

56:50 Adam Yeah. Rayna, what the hell's wrong with you? What happened? Your dad left?

56:56 Caller No, my dad and my mom are still together.

56:58 Adam Well, what's wrong with your self-esteem that you would be with this guy for three years? I mean, you're 29. Do you have a couple of kids from a relationship that went bad?

57:08 Caller I have one child, a five-year-old.

57:11 Adam All right. So lucky.

57:12 Caller With my ex-husband, which we were married for about almost four years.

57:15 Adam Where's your ex-husband now?

57:17 Bill Bellamy Was he an abusive a-hole?

57:19 Caller Yeah, he was.

57:21 Bill Bellamy Like your old dad.

57:21 Adam Something's wrong. Something dad said.

57:23 Bill Bellamy I get a definite been beaten.

57:25 Adam Okay. Let me let me explain what happens here. Here's here's the syndrome. Biological dad likes to booze a little, likes to beat a little.

57:34 Bill Bellamy And neglect a lot.

57:35 Adam Neglect, a little bit of beaten, a little bit of whatever. Kid gets horrible self-esteem, hooks up with abuser, pops out a kid with the abusive guy. The abusive guy wax around a little. Eventually she gets away with him, but she starts eating and she has the five-year-old. So now she's carrying around a five-year-old and she's carrying around an extra 50 pounds and a guy comes in and this guy knows because it's like she's desperate.

58:02 Bill Bellamy She's wounded. He can sniff the bag.

58:04 Adam She's got the baggage, she's got the extra weight, she's got the extra kid. Now he can go in there and if he's with a hot, skinny chick with no kid, that chick's like, listen buddy, we've been together for three years, I'm 29, you're gonna be wasting my life with your ass. And we're getting married or you're gonna ask her to get off the pot, but she can't call anything out to this guy because she's got the kid and she's got the weight and she's beaten down. And this guy, he just takes advantage of her. Like, yeah, look, I'll be banging this chick and then I'll be over to bang you a little bit later.

58:35 Bill Bellamy We have real good time and bring them both together. Come on, what do you think?

58:38 Adam And he knows, so it's always that sort of thing where like, where are you going? You're like, you know what it is? You're in the middle of a desert, it's 120 degrees and you got the only shade and the person's threatening to walk out. Yeah, go ahead, just start walking. Yeah, take your half-filled canteen and start walking, you'll be back. They know you're not going anywhere. Now you gotta get your own umbrella. You gotta get yourself a half-trash.

59:02 Drew You gotta get a mojo.

59:03 Adam You gotta get a dune buggy and a mojo. Mojo would be a good name for an all-terrain, like if Explorer came out with the mojo.

59:10 Bill Bellamy Ooh.

59:10 Caller Oh, man.

59:11 Adam Write that down.

59:12 Caller I got that new mojo.

59:13 Adam Did you get the inline six or the supercharged four?

59:16 Bill Bellamy Reminded me that I've got Strictly Sex with Dr. Drew, if you're listening on Wednesday night at midnight. Interesting show on what people are fearful of with sex. Penis phobias.

59:25 Adam I think I have one. Reena. Now here's your plan.

59:29 Bill Bellamy Discovery Health Channel.

59:30 Adam You need to reclaim your life and you need to get your mojo back, you understand? Here's how you have to do it. First off, dump this guy. We've wasted three years with this a-hole. She doesn't give a rat's ass about you. Get rid of them. You're better off alone. First thing you need to do is realize you can be alone. Second thing you need to do is regroup and then we're going to have you step up. Regrouping means get some nutrition, get some exercise, drop those extra pounds. Self-care, get yourself some schooling, step up in your career, work on your career, work on your physique, exercise, good nutrition, good career stuff, year off. Just working on your career, just working on you, getting strong, getting healthy, feeling good, and then you can go out and have a normal relationship.

1:00:21 Drew Way to go, Rock.

1:00:22 Adam Let's go. You hear me?

1:00:25 Yes, I did.

1:00:26 Adam Then do it. Call us back in a year. Don't play, Reena. But listen. What is that? They're not. Look, I've realized, I've realized, I've just, I've really been, I've really been studying people over the last couple of years.

1:00:45 Bill Bellamy Yeah.

1:00:45 Adam And I realize they don't change. They don't want to change.

1:00:51 Bill Bellamy Here's when they change.

1:00:51 Adam And if they were going to change, they would have done it.

1:00:54 Bill Bellamy They change when they believe they're going to die. If they don't, that's when they change. But what I understand is you come up with some good ideas and her thing is like, hey, you want that?

1:01:01 Drew Like whatever.

1:01:02 Bill Bellamy Like what?

1:01:03 Drew She's sitting there with Krispy Kreme.

1:01:04 Adam Right. Well, she obviously was whacked around a little bit.

1:01:08 Bill Bellamy That's that inability to be objective. The inability to go, God, that's a great idea. I don't know if I can do it.

1:01:14 Adam Well, she's angry at men.

1:01:16 Bill Bellamy So she blows up. You think, you know.

1:01:18 Adam She's angry at men. I know her dad had to whack her around.

1:01:21 Bill Bellamy Of course.

1:01:21 Adam Rena, tell us what your dad did to you.

1:01:25 Caller My dad didn't do anything to me.

1:01:27 Bill Bellamy He never hit you?

1:01:28 Caller No.

1:01:29 Bill Bellamy Who hit you?

1:01:31 Caller My ex-husband did.

1:01:32 Bill Bellamy No, but when you were a kid, we know that.

1:01:34 Adam Before that, what got you hooked up with that guy? I mean, what was your dad? Was he an alcoholic?

1:01:39 Caller Yes.

1:01:40 Bill Bellamy Alright, and he never raised his hand to you?

1:01:43 Caller No.

1:01:44 Bill Bellamy He was never scary when he was drunk?

1:01:46 Caller Oh, yeah. Where's my bourbon?

1:01:47 Bill Bellamy What would he do when he was drunk that was scary?

1:01:51 Caller He'd get upset with my mom.

1:01:53 Bill Bellamy So he'd beat on her?

1:01:54 Adam All right.

1:01:55 Caller Listen, he's not the type to beat on people, on his family.

1:02:00 Adam Your dad was an alcoholic and freaked you out with men, now?

1:02:03 Caller Yes.

1:02:04 Bill Bellamy And he's abusive. So you sought out an abusive guy who upped it to the next level with you?

1:02:08 Adam Yeah. Reena, do me a favor. Please, I know this is amusing to you that I would give you some advice that you might want to use. Forget about you. How about your goddamn kid? You've got a five year old that's on the brink of being f'ed up. You're exposing this kid to horrible people just like dear old dad. How about you do it on behalf of your kid? How about you get your ass together on behalf of your child?

1:02:32 Caller Otherwise, he'll be a Jack Mormon.

1:02:33 Adam Yeah. Maybe that'll be some motivation for you.

1:02:36 Bill Bellamy Well, Adam, that's for you to say. You're just a man.

1:02:38 Oh, no.

1:02:39 Bill Bellamy Here's one.

1:02:39 Adam I love my kid. Are you kidding?

1:02:41 Bill Bellamy I'm a great mom.

1:02:42 How dare you?

1:02:43 Adam I love my kid. They never see me cook the math. They never see me turn tricks. They don't see me hammering those welfare checks. They don't see any. No, yeah, they don't see it.

1:02:54 Drew They feel it. He's always asleep.

1:02:55 Adam Yeah, they feel it. Kid knows everything. They don't have to see anything.

1:02:59 Bill Bellamy Once again, we don't have no appreciation that there's things we know cognitively, intellectually, and the things we feel.

1:03:06 Adam Right.

1:03:06 Bill Bellamy We don't have to actually know precisely what's going on, but we have horrible feelings as a result.

1:03:11 Caller Yeah.

1:03:12 Adam I'm telling you, your kid would be better off seeing something freaky every once in a while than just living with the FDAP person.

1:03:18 Bill Bellamy Wouldn't feel like he's responsible for how you're feeling.

1:03:20 Adam Living with all that depression.

1:03:22 Bill Bellamy Todd, 20.

1:03:23 Yes.

1:03:24 Adam What's happening?

1:03:25 Nothing much. I was just calling to your guy to think about Jack Mormon.

1:03:29 Adam Right. Hold on. Engineer Chris is on that. What do you got, buddy?

1:03:32 Yeah, I've got it. Oh, you got it?

1:03:34 Adam That's all I needed.

1:03:35 Drew What you got, Chris?

1:03:36 Adam I bet they're very different. Go ahead.

1:03:42 The origin of the term actually comes from Missouri during the Kirtland period of the church circa 1834, when the Mormonites were expelled from Jackson County. Many of them fled to Clay County. These citizens of Clay who were sympathetic and friendly toward the Mormons were prejudicial. I don't know what that is.

1:04:02 Bill Bellamy Judicial?

1:04:03 Yeah, I saw that. Labeled Jack Mormons by the citizens of Jackson County.

1:04:07 Caller I got something way different, Chris.

1:04:08 Bill Bellamy What does that have to do with using alcohol?

1:04:11 Adam Well, these are Mormons that were excommunicated.

1:04:14 Drew Yeah, they were kicked out.

1:04:15 Adam Kicked out, and so they're called Jack Mormons.

1:04:17 Drew What do you got to do?

1:04:18 Jack Mormons were basically people that were nice to the Mormons.

1:04:22 Adam They were nice to the Mormons?

1:04:23 They were nice to the Mormons.

1:04:25 Adam Well, maybe the Jack, maybe the Jackson County people were nice to the Mormons.

1:04:30 Right, so that's where it came from, and now today it uses a term for people that are, I guess are members of the church but just don't want to associate themselves with the church.

1:04:38 Bill Bellamy Don't follow the precepts.

1:04:39 Drew So it really has nothing.

1:04:40 They don't follow the teachings or the precepts, so they can't do what they want to, and some people ask them, they're like, well, I'm a Jack Mormon.

1:04:46 Caller I got something way different.

1:04:47 Drew What do you got?

1:04:48 Caller I got, it came from Jack Rabbit, because they look like rabbits, but they're actually hairs.

1:04:52 Caller No, that's not true.

1:04:54 Caller That's what I got. That's cool, I liked it.

1:04:56 Adam I'm going with Anderson on this one.

1:04:58 Drew I like the whole Jack Daniels thing.

1:05:00 Adam I do too.

1:05:01 Drew It seemed a little more rugged, like, you know, I don't want to go all by the rules, but me and this Jack D, man.

1:05:08 Adam Yeah, yeah, I'm going with Bill and Chris, and Anderson, and the caller on this one.

1:05:14 Drew No problem.

1:05:14 Adam All right, thanks, Todd.

1:05:15 All right, you have a good night.

1:05:16 Adam Nice one.

1:05:17 Drew Thanks.

1:05:18 Adam You know what I think is dangerous about the internet is, it makes everyone feel smart.

1:05:24 Bill Bellamy Well, I do it that all the time.

1:05:26 Adam You do it because people are getting on the internet.

1:05:27 Bill Bellamy Well, again, they bring in a bunch of information that I've known since second year medical school.

1:05:32 Adam Right.

1:05:32 Bill Bellamy And then what I feel like saying is, what do you think I did for the eight years that followed the second year medical school? That just having the information is just the very, very, very, very beginning of training in clinical medicine.

1:05:47 Adam Well, even worse, they get some information written by some Jack off in Florida about holistic healing. I'll even bring that crap in.

1:05:54 Bill Bellamy That's right. But I'll even give them the information is good. But the information is yet a thousand miles away from judgment and wisdom and understanding about clinical circumstance, which the science is just sort of a sketchy understanding of what you're really actually dealing with in the human setting.

1:06:10 Adam Yeah.

1:06:11 Bill Bellamy So it just gets very frustrating.

1:06:12 Adam You see, Drew, as a carpenter, no matter what someone looks up on the Internet, they still can't handle that worm drive hypoids.

1:06:20 Bill Bellamy Well, that's a very similar issue, right? You have experience handling that saw, but people don't see it that way because I have a body and now I understand it, therefore I'm an expert.

1:06:29 Adam Now, you know, the thing that's always good about carpentry is the tools scare the crap out of everybody. Right. And to drop my wallet. And I think it was my cell phone. They're expensive and they scare people because their blades spinning around and they freak out. So that's always good as a carpenter. James?

1:06:46 Caller Yeah, hi.

1:06:46 Adam You're 19?

1:06:47 Caller Yep.

1:06:48 Adam What's happening?

1:06:49 Bill Bellamy Well, first off, I'd just like to say congratulations on your Comedy Central show. I saw the commercials for that. It looks like it's going to be funny.

1:06:56 Adam Ah, thanks. I haven't seen that yet. No, it sounds funny, but I haven't seen the promos.

1:07:02 Bill Bellamy Yeah, the promos are kind of weak, but you're a funny guy. I'm sure that you're a funny guy.

1:07:07 Adam Well, I haven't, you know, I did promos for that show that aren't airing yet. Those are their promos.

1:07:14 Bill Bellamy Okay.

1:07:14 Adam You know what I'm saying? My promos will start airing soon.

1:07:16 Bill Bellamy It's pretty much a picture of you, and it says like, hey, we gave Adam Corolla a show, and it's like, okay. I'm sure people who don't know who you are are like, okay, who is this guy? But yeah, my problem, it's not really a problem.

1:07:28 Bill Bellamy James is full of compliments. It's awesome.

1:07:30 Adam I feel better by the minute just talking to James.

1:07:32 Bill Bellamy I think James is not one of those negative guys. He just kind of fumbled into some.

1:07:38 Adam He should do some motivational speaking, like James be up there like, I'm glad y'all could join me here. Let's give yourselves a hand for being so pathetic that you needed to attend this motivational seminar. Now, obviously, I'm the smart one here because I got your money, but give yourselves a hand. You guys are fantastic. You're looking good tonight except for this fat guy here. This guy doesn't look so good. Looks like also has male pattern baldness and maybe a little herpes starting to form.

1:08:05 Caller But don't worry, let's go now.

1:08:06 Caller Let's give yourselves a hand now.

1:08:08 Adam Yes, it just when it starts feeling good, he chops you down. But I like his reasoning. He's got bold reasoning. It's like people that don't know who you are could see that thing and say, well, here's this guy.

1:08:21 Drew Somebody gave him a show.

1:08:22 Adam Somebody gave this guy a show. All right. All righty.

1:08:26 Bill Bellamy All right, James.

1:08:27 Adam All right, James.

1:08:28 Bill Bellamy My basic thing is I've always sort of been attracted to women with trauma in their past. I mean, my mom is bipolar. She's manic-depressive. I think it probably has a lot to do with it.

1:08:38 Bill Bellamy There it is.

1:08:38 Bill Bellamy It does. But, you know, I mean, you guys always, I always hear you guys talking about how, like, you know, abusive guys have kind of that uncanny, like, sixth sense about telling, like, somebody...

1:08:47 Bill Bellamy Oh, no, no, no, no. We have the, there's two versions. There's the guy that's a victimizer that knows a good victim, and then there's you.

1:08:54 Bill Bellamy Right. I'm the exact opposite.

1:08:56 Bill Bellamy That's right.

1:08:56 Bill Bellamy Then there's women who are victim types, but I'm like, I've got, like, the Messiah complex. Like, I think I can help them all.

1:09:03 Bill Bellamy Go read my book. Go on by Cracked. That's all about that.

1:09:06 Adam Yeah. And then you can watch my show, and then you can go down and see Bill at the Ontario.

1:09:11 Bill Bellamy And then Discovery Health Channel, Wednesday Night, Midnight.

1:09:14 Adam And then I got a show coming out on TLC, Home Improvement Show, that's really more about improving yourself than it's about the home. So you want to check that out.

1:09:22 Bill Bellamy No, in all seriousness, though, that's what I.

1:09:25 Adam Bill's got a DVD that's coming out September 20th. Go back to my roots. You might want to check that out. That could help too. Yeah.

1:09:31 Bill Bellamy But it is about the experience of maintaining boundaries and how you really can help people by not rescuing them.

1:09:37 Adam Yeah. All right. Well, do you think, do you think. All right, buddy. I think I have enough time. They gave me a couple of backhand accomplices. Keep moving. Yeah, we got to take a break. Jessica.

1:09:48 Yeah, what's happening?

1:09:49 Adam Yeah, you got a little, you got a little something called Germany or Florida for us?

1:09:53 Yeah, I do.

1:09:54 Adam All right, everyone hang tight. Bill Bellamy is in studio tonight. We're going to come back with Bill and we're going to play a round of a game known as Germany or Florida after this. Love Line will be right back. Yeah, Bill's just talking about what someone did to me on the lawn.

1:10:23 Drew That wasn't cool, man. Bill Bellamy got a new show. You know, I'm happy for you, man. You've been in the game a long time. You like you like, you know, like my brother from another mother.

1:10:33 Adam Bill Bellamy in the studio tonight. I like about Billy's happy.

1:10:38 Bill Bellamy Always.

1:10:38 Drew I've always been happy.

1:10:39 Adam Why not?

1:10:41 Bill Bellamy It is four years ago. Being happy.

1:10:43 Drew I'm just saying, you know what? I love I'm doing what I love to do, man, seriously. And, you know, I just I just dig it. I take my life fun every day. Even those things get stressful sometime. I just don't let it get me down.

1:10:56 Adam You know, but here's what I think. I wonder. I think people think and I don't even know if you can answer this, but people think that people that seem to be in a good mood a lot of the time or seem to be positive a lot of time have these dark moments where they go home and the tears of a clown start to come in. True quiet. I'm doing an interview.

1:11:17 Bill Bellamy Okay.

1:11:17 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:11:19 Bill Bellamy We're sort of compensating.

1:11:20 Adam Now, obviously, bad news is bad news to everybody and tragedy is tragedy to everybody, but you just seem generally to have a better energy, to be in a better mood, almost.

1:11:34 Bill Bellamy I think you know people are compensating. Bill ain't compensating.

1:11:37 Adam Right. Bill doesn't feel like he's dancing like some chick with an eating disorder.

1:11:40 Drew No, no.

1:11:41 Bill Bellamy We have a lot of good-looking women that do that. They make us feel happy, right? Yeah. That's because they're beautiful. No, no. There's that. But they seem happy, but they have to make sure that you're happy with them so you feel happy, but you realize, hey, that wasn't necessarily a happy person, right?

1:11:57 Drew Right. I know what you're saying. Yeah, I get you.

1:11:59 Adam That was a person that was compensating.

1:12:01 Bill Bellamy Who needed you to be happy.

1:12:03 Adam That was a person that didn't want you to find out they were sad, so they acted happy.

1:12:06 Bill Bellamy Or they were angry or ashamed or something.

1:12:08 Drew They overcompensated.

1:12:09 Adam Bill seems happy.

1:12:11 Drew But I am genuinely a happy person. If you met any of my friends, most people will be like, Bill's always positive, always whatever, because that's who I am. You know what I mean? I am going to be encouraging to you. I have fun, but I have bad days.

1:12:26 Bill Bellamy Sidebar. Those chicks would say the same thing, though.

1:12:29 Adam They'd say that's who I am.

1:12:30 Bill Bellamy Yeah. All my friends would say I'm positive.

1:12:32 Adam I know, but you'd start talking to them.

1:12:33 Drew No, but I'm serious. I haven't killed anybody in about two years. Oh, see?

1:12:38 Adam I'm kind of done. We get that feeling from Bill, though. But here's the thing. Here's the thing. And Bill busts himself up, which I like, too, because you've got to live with yourself.

1:12:48 Bill Bellamy You might as well think you're funny.

1:12:50 Drew I'm good to me.

1:12:51 Adam Yeah, he's very good to Bill. Bill's on Bill. The thing is, it's something that's not talked about that much in terms of people are talking about being successful, people are talking about financial wealth, or people talk about education, or people talk about health, physical health, or even mental health. They don't really talk about just the pure and simple, see if you can have a happy life, see if you can be in a good mood. And I don't even know how much of that you change. I mean, I got a happy dog, but not all dogs are happy. I think my dog just came out happy. My dog's one of these dogs.

1:13:25 Bill Bellamy Adam came to work that decided that people can't change. Can not change.

1:13:28 Adam I decided, no, here's what I'm saying. When my dog wags its tail, the whole body bends. It's got one of them full body, full body wag. And then there's other dogs who just aren't that way. Now, they're all happy if you give them a bone. My dog's just happy when it doesn't have a bone. And everyone's happy when they win the lotto, but are they happy just in the middle of the week, in the middle of the day?

1:13:48 Drew Just walking down the street.

1:13:49 Adam Regular day, regular week.

1:13:51 Drew Most people not.

1:13:51 Adam Whatever. Most people aren't. It doesn't seem to have anything to do with any kind of financial wealth or any kind of material possession or anything like that. It's a psychological thing.

1:14:01 Bill Bellamy It may even be genetic.

1:14:01 Adam But do you think this, Drew, do you think that there are just certain people like Bill who are quite a bit happier than the general populace and there are certain people that are quite a bit less happy than the general populace? And it's not all connected to alcohol or drugs or abuse or anything?

1:14:19 Drew No.

1:14:19 Bill Bellamy I think the lion's share of that is genetic.

1:14:21 Drew It's just.

1:14:22 Bill Bellamy Just the way the dog. Just the way the dog would be.

1:14:24 Adam Yeah. There's some dogs that just seem to mope around. And other dogs are just like flopping around and seem happy all the time. Hyper. Same owner. Same situation. Same diet. Same everything. Just seem to be in a better mood. Yeah.

1:14:38 Bill Bellamy Yeah.

1:14:38 Adam All right.

1:14:39 Drew It can happen.

1:14:39 Bill Bellamy Profound.

1:14:40 Drew So I'm OK.

1:14:41 Adam So you're lucky, Bill.

1:14:41 Drew I think I got lucky, man. The way they program me, I'm good.

1:14:45 Bill Bellamy So basically.

1:14:45 Adam Did you get programmed, though?

1:14:46 Drew Yeah. They threw me in the Matrix. Happy.

1:14:49 Bill Bellamy But this is back to the genetic hand thing. Now the question then becomes, because we've been big on not being able to change your physical, somatic genetic hand, can you change your psychological genetic hand?

1:14:59 Adam I don't know that you can change your disposition. I believe that you can do away with things like drugs, alcohol, bad relationships, bad dead-end jobs, things like that that make you less happy. But I don't know if you're ever going to be Bill Bellamy if you're just not. Do you know what I mean?

1:15:17 Bill Bellamy Yes.

1:15:19 Adam If you're Dave Attell, I don't think you're ever going to be Bill Bellamy even if you quit the chain of smoking and the booze.

1:15:24 Drew Even if he became a crazy mega movie star and had everything, I think he'd still be Dave Attell.

1:15:29 Bill Bellamy Right.

1:15:31 Drew Yeah, he's from a different angle.

1:15:31 Adam I didn't know this was an intervention. Yeah, that's Dave Attell, by the way.

1:15:36 Bill Bellamy We tried to intervene, but didn't work.

1:15:38 Adam Yeah. You're just not going to be Bill Bellamy. No.

1:15:40 Caller All right.

1:15:42 Adam Jessica?

1:15:43 Caller Yo.

1:15:44 Adam 23?

1:15:45 Caller Yeah.

1:15:46 Adam You ready to play a little Germany or Florida?

1:15:49 Caller Are you ready to play? Yeah.

1:15:50 Adam Here's how the game goes, Bill. All right. We hear the F'ed up story and then we guess, did it come out of Germany or Florida? Because all F'ed up stories are either from Germany or Florida. See? He's having a good time already.

1:16:03 Caller Oh my God.

1:16:05 Drew We're part of Florida now.

1:16:07 Adam David Alan Grier. David Alan Grier, not a happy guy. Tormented.

1:16:13 Bill Bellamy Tormented.

1:16:14 Adam Tormented genius.

1:16:14 Bill Bellamy Not unhappy, but tormented. All right.

1:16:15 Adam But let me say this too. How about this? How about this? This is going to sound heavy.

1:16:22 Caller Go to hell.

1:16:23 Adam And I don't mean any disrespect to Bill Bellamy. Or David. Or Dag. David Alan Grier, probably smarter than the three of us put together. Yeah. Yeah.

1:16:33 Caller But tortured.

1:16:34 Adam Genius. Tortured genius.

1:16:37 Bill Bellamy Most are.

1:16:38 Adam We're, Bill, probably not as smart as David Alan Grier. David Alan Grier is a genius. Musically, comedically, the guy's a genius.

1:16:46 Drew He's got a lot going on.

1:16:47 Adam But I think he pays the price.

1:16:49 Bill Bellamy Well.

1:16:49 Adam I think he's turned his brain on himself. You know, your brain is like a weapon. It's like a gun you shoot yourself with.

1:16:55 Bill Bellamy My dogs, the shepherds, bright as hell. Anxious.

1:16:58 Adam Anxious. My dog, dumb, is a mop handle.

1:17:01 Bill Bellamy Happy all the time.

1:17:02 Adam Happy as hell.

1:17:03 Bill Bellamy Go.

1:17:04 Adam Correlation there. I'm just saying.

1:17:05 Drew Just saying.

1:17:06 Adam There ain't no correlation between smart and happy. And I think it goes the other direction. I think, I don't know if David Alan Grier could ever truly be happy because his brain's working too fast all the time and he knows he should be miserable.

1:17:18 Bill Bellamy I took that flight with him back from Newark and he was trying to sleep and was like sitting up and asleep and talking and moving about. Doing slyloquies and stuff was a miracle.

1:17:27 Adam I think what you want for your kids is you want them to be smart enough to make a buck. You want them smart enough to, you know, not-

1:17:34 Drew And dumb enough to be happy.

1:17:36 Adam But dumb enough to be happy. Smart enough to make a buck. Dumb enough to enjoy the money.

1:17:40 Drew Yeah. I like that.

1:17:41 Adam That's what you're looking for.

1:17:42 Drew That's the one.

1:17:43 Adam Dave, smart enough, too smart, smart enough for the buck.

1:17:46 Drew Can't get happy.

1:17:47 Adam Can't get happy.

1:17:48 Drew Can't get a teaspoon of happy.

1:17:50 Caller Just a guy.

1:17:52 Adam All right. So Germany, Florida. Go ahead.

1:17:54 Caller Okay. A 76-year-old woman was arrested for selling crack cocaine by putting the drugs in her purse and lowering them by rope from her second-story window. Police said they found a gun and ammunition in her house as well as a purse attached to a rope next to her bed. Germany or Florida.

1:18:11 Bill Bellamy That all goes Florida.

1:18:12 Adam Yeah.

1:18:13 Bill Bellamy That really goes Florida.

1:18:14 Adam You hear crack, you hear guns.

1:18:15 Bill Bellamy You hear 76.

1:18:17 Adam Yeah. You hear all that.

1:18:18 Drew I'm hearing Miami.

1:18:19 Bill Bellamy The rope, lowering the rope down. That all sounds like two.

1:18:23 Adam Bill, you just go states. You don't have to go cities.

1:18:25 Drew Yeah, but that's Miami.

1:18:27 Adam Oh, you're going to Miami?

1:18:28 Bill Bellamy This isn't northern Florida. Let's put it that way.

1:18:30 Adam Okay.

1:18:30 Drew It's not northern Florida.

1:18:31 Adam All right. We're going Florida on this one.

1:18:32 Drew South Florida.

1:18:34 Caller You're absolutely right. Jacksonville, Florida.

1:18:38 Bill Bellamy Where's Jacksonville?

1:18:39 Drew It's on the west. It's on the west coast of Florida, I think.

1:18:42 Adam It's not that close to Miami, is it? Middle.

1:18:43 Drew But it's South Florida, though.

1:18:44 Adam It is. All right. You know your Florida.

1:18:46 Drew I know my Florida, man.

1:18:47 Adam Thanks. Well, that's how the game is played.

1:18:49 Drew Only one? Well, man, I was getting wrapped up.

1:18:52 Adam Exciting game, isn't it?

1:18:52 Drew Yeah, it got me.

1:18:53 Caller It just.

1:18:54 Adam We get to, well, we'll hear some other ones. Someone else call in with the German air Florida. Let's talk to Darren, who's 20. Darren?

1:19:02 Caller Hey, Adam Corolla.

1:19:05 Adam But listen, listen.

1:19:06 Bill Bellamy You don't exclaim the name.

1:19:07 Adam You got to do it sing songy.

1:19:09 Caller Hey, Adam.

1:19:10 Adam Yeah, you don't do it like that. Right. You don't want me to come down and play ball. You're in a swimming pool. Your eyes are closed. You're flapping around.

1:19:18 Caller Adam Corolla. Adam Corolla. Fish out of water.

1:19:24 Adam You see how it goes, Darren? Yeah, I do now. OK, buddy, what's up? Well, he's calling from Alaska, so...

1:19:30 Bill Bellamy They don't have pools up here.

1:19:31 Adam Well, they have pools. They're called hockey rinks.

1:19:33 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:19:34 Go ahead, Darren. Yeah, I'm just finding out how Adam Corolla picks up the ladies, because up here in Alaska, I tell you, it's like you got to be talented.

1:19:47 Bill Bellamy Is it too cold?

1:19:48 Adam Yeah, Adam Corolla's married, but he used to do it by being on MTV, like Bill.

1:19:53 Drew Yeah.

1:19:53 Yeah.

1:19:53 Adam High five.

1:19:54 Caller Yeah.

1:19:56 Adam Yeah, no aphrodisiac like MTV.

1:19:59 Drew It's got a candy section. Yeah, it's nice.

1:20:01 Adam Yeah. Darren.

1:20:03 Well, huh?

1:20:04 Adam Okay. Hold on. I don't think Darren has a question, does he?

1:20:07 Drew No, it's so JO.

1:20:08 Adam He was confused by the Adam Carolla thing that he brought up.

1:20:11 Drew You know what I was just thinking? You could use this song. It goes, Adam Corolla lived down the road. Do you remember that song? He lost his baby two months ago. It was called Shay-Shay LaFawn, but nevermind.

1:20:26 Adam What year are we talking about?

1:20:28 Drew I don't know. This is 80s. This is 80s. You could flip it and make it your song. Because it was a song written about Tommy Mottola.

1:20:35 Adam Oh, it was? Oh yeah, I know that song.

1:20:37 Drew Remember that song?

1:20:37 Adam Yeah.

1:20:38 Drew You got to flip it and put your own words on it and then, Corolla.

1:20:41 Adam Was Tommy Mottola who was married to Mariah Carey? Tommy Mottola, the super record.

1:20:45 Drew Super duper rich, super duper executive.

1:20:48 Adam I'll tell you, record execs are the rich version of restaurant managers.

1:20:54 Bill Bellamy At one time, they had their time too.

1:20:56 Adam You know how restaurant managers are all sleazeballs that just want to nail hostesses? That's part of the gig. That's part of the reason they get into it. You're 41-year-old guy, you manage a restaurant and you just bang. You bang every 19-year-old college hostess that comes in there and they flip over every six weeks. Record guys, these guys are like in their 50s and just nailing world-class 20-year-old ass all year long. They're quietly doing it, you know what I mean? See now, the celebrities that do it are getting into tabloids, they're getting into trouble, they're getting out there. The record guys and it's almost, this is Tommy Metola did this with Mariah Carey and then there's what's her name, what the French guy and what's his wife.

1:21:42 Drew Celine Dion.

1:21:42 Adam Celine Dion.

1:21:43 Caller Yeah.

1:21:45 Drew Her husband's like 109.

1:21:46 Adam You always hear these stories too where it's like, well, I was 55 and she was 12 but we didn't do anything physically until she was 18. Yeah, you guys worked that out.

1:21:59 Drew I was very patient.

1:22:01 Adam It's important to get on the same page. You hung around for six years.

1:22:04 Bill Bellamy I evolved a few.

1:22:06 Adam Fantastic. That's right. You're on your second bypass surgery when you popped a cherry. It's just after the second bypass or you're completely bald. Yeah. Awesome. But here's my point. They don't get the scumbag label. They just they fly under or maybe they're so far over the radar. No one sees them.

1:22:27 Drew Smart business.

1:22:28 Adam Whatever it is, there's a bunch of fit and these guys are all the same guy. They're like bald and fat and they got a big schnaz on them. They're not even, at least the Hollywood actor is, the guy's 48 but he's good looking.

1:22:42 Drew Right. Still in shape.

1:22:43 Adam Yeah. These guys are like rolly polly. There's something about pulling the strings in the music industry and they just, that's nonstop of tail. No one says anything and then it just becomes, oh yeah, that guy, he's with the new 20 year old every.

1:22:56 Caller Oh yeah, yeah.

1:22:57 Drew He's got album coming out.

1:22:58 Adam Quincy Jones. Oh, forget about it.

1:23:00 Drew Pimp of the century.

1:23:02 Adam Oh, I'd like to smell that guy's penis. I would like to smell Quincy's penis.

1:23:08 Drew Yeah, he's knocked down some really nice stuff too.

1:23:10 Adam One hot blonde after the next and it just keeps going and then.

1:23:13 Drew He's 70 something.

1:23:15 Adam He's 90 years old, he's a hot 19 year old right now. Here's the other thing too, and here's what you want to establish in your life. You just established that's what you do. See, here's what I'm saying, like Snoop Dogg, he smokes pot wherever he wants to smoke pot. You see, when he does Jimmy Kimmel Live, he's smoking a doobie in the green room, they come walking, oh hey, would you like an ashtray? If I was smoking a joint, I'd be tackled and dragged out of the place and thrown out now. You know what I mean? Like you established that this is what you do, this is what I do and that's it. Like, hey, you're Quincy Jones, you bang hot blondes that are 40 years younger, hey, that's what I do. Hey, whoa, whoa, I'm Quincy Jones, let me alone.

1:23:55 Drew Come on, baby, close the door.

1:23:57 Adam Smart, I'm Tommy Metallo, this is what I do.

1:23:59 Bill Bellamy That's what people do and it's bad times.

1:24:01 Adam What do you mean bad times? It's diabolical, it's genius.

1:24:04 Bill Bellamy It's diabolical, it's not good for the people they do it to.

1:24:05 Adam Snoop gets to smoke his weed, I gotta go.

1:24:07 Bill Bellamy It's not good for them in the long run.

1:24:09 Adam If I wanna smoke weed, I gotta go into my basement and climb into a steamer trunk and light up a joint. Snoop, he's gone commercial flights with a bong. He just smoked a spot where people are actually, when they see Snoop, Snoop could be taking a tour of the White House and they'd be like, Mr. Dog, why aren't you smoking marijuana? He's like, well, I just blew a blunt. I'm just talking, here's another one. Then you gotta light it up. This part of your-

1:24:33 Drew GW got this one for you.

1:24:34 Adam That's your thing, yeah. It's like the Marlboro Man not having a butt. Come on, let's go. I'm just saying, Drew, if you're into something, instead of hiding it, That's how they get away with that stuff. Instead of hiding it and getting busted, you should establish that's what you do.

1:24:48 Drew That's how you roll.

1:24:49 Adam Remember Slash from Guns and Roses? There was no place that guy couldn't smoke. There was no smoking everywhere except for where Slash was. Slash would light up a cigarette, operating room, airplane, said...

1:25:02 Bill Bellamy We were doing an interview with him once and he dropped a cigarette into his boot. Remember that?

1:25:06 Adam Down his boot. It was comical. He's doing our TV show and of course he's smoking because no one else could. If I lit up a cigarette in my dressing room, I'd be fired but Slash could just go out there and smoke. He's Slash. He smokes. He snoops. He's Quincy. He just do what he does. He lights up the cigarette. I asked to see his tat that's on his back. I think he starts pulling his shirt up over his head. While he's pulling his shirt up over his head to show me his tat, he knocks the cigarette out. The cigarette falls down the motorcycle boots, which are unbuckled and just sort of flared at the top. They fall into the boot and he just proceeds to keep showing me his tat.

1:25:47 Bill Bellamy Well, he looks down and says, oh, that's damn.

1:25:49 Adam I don't think even really, really computed.

1:25:52 Bill Bellamy Now, I remember you bring it to his attention.

1:25:54 Adam I brought it to his attention. Now he's going, look at that. It's a snake and it says Slash, a snake pit. And I'm like, oh, that's awesome. But meanwhile, I'm thinking, your foot's on fire. Your foot's on fire. And he keeps talking about it. Slash, your boot and the smoke's coming out of the boot.

1:26:08 Bill Bellamy Yeah, there was. I'm just saying, oh, that's a drag.

1:26:13 Adam If you're into something, whether it's smoking or smoking weed or banging young chicks or doing whatever you do, instead of sneaking around with it and eventually getting popped, put it out there. That's what you do.

1:26:24 Bill Bellamy We got another Germany or Florida. But after.

1:26:27 Adam All right, we're going to take a break. We'll come back with Bill Bellamy, whose thing is just being happy as far as I know.

1:26:32 Drew I'm just happy, dude.

1:26:34 Adam Bill is just happy to be here. He's going to be happy to be at the Ontario Improv. See, that's good radio. Thursday through Sunday. This Thursday through Sunday, we'll take a quick break. We'll come back with Bill's favorite new game, a little something called Germany or Florida.

1:26:50 Drew Loveline, we'll be right back.

1:27:12 Adam Yeah, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Happy Bill Bellamy.

1:27:17 Drew We're in the house, y'all. We riding out. We got a lot of stuff done though.

1:27:21 Caller We helped a few people.

1:27:23 Drew My favorite caller was the Dominatrix.

1:27:25 Adam Yeah.

1:27:25 Bill Bellamy We opened with Strong.

1:27:26 Drew I mean, we opened up with him.

1:27:27 Adam We got out of the gates, Strong. Yeah. That was like how Drew used to play ball. Good first step.

1:27:33 Bill Bellamy Oh, man.

1:27:33 Adam That's what that Dominatrix was.

1:27:35 Bill Bellamy I got five steps.

1:27:36 Adam First five steps.

1:27:38 Drew Right out of the box.

1:27:38 Caller I love her.

1:27:39 Adam Then everyone passed him by.

1:27:41 Drew Can you do Dominatrix light where it doesn't get too rough?

1:27:46 Bill Bellamy Just a little. I'm sure our lovely caller would take anything. Do anything for money. She's light, heavy, whatever.

1:27:53 Drew I just would know. I mean, I've never done anything like that, but I wouldn't even know what to start like. What's the first two, three things just getting you into kindergarten at Dominatrix?

1:28:03 Adam Well, I think everyone's got a little bit of that. Yeah, you love it, baby. You know what I mean? Doesn't everyone got a little bit of that rough trade in them?

1:28:11 Bill Bellamy Yeah.

1:28:12 Adam And most women like a little slap on the behind, too little slap of the man. I like Deacon Jones used to say, you just go upside a man or a woman's head.

1:28:19 Drew Go upside a woman's head.

1:28:22 Bill Bellamy Eric, 25, let's go.

1:28:23 Adam All right, Germany or Florida?

1:28:26 Caller Yahey.

1:28:26 Adam Yahey.

1:28:28 Caller Yahey.

1:28:29 Hey, what's happening, guys?

1:28:30 Drew What's happening? Yo, what's up, dawg?

1:28:33 That show, Fast Lane, man, that was a really good show. I don't know why they canceled it either.

1:28:37 Drew Thank you, dawg. Fox is on crack.

1:28:40 Adam I'll tell you why they canceled it, because it was ahead of its time.

1:28:43 That's it.

1:28:44 Adam It's a good answer.

1:28:45 The audience wasn't smart enough to appreciate that.

1:28:47 Adam That's right.

1:28:47 Bill Bellamy Another good one.

1:28:48 Adam Yeah, that's good, too.

1:28:49 Drew This guy's hot. He's two for two.

1:28:52 Bill Bellamy Eric, you've called before, yes?

1:28:54 Yes, sir. You have a very good memory.

1:28:55 Bill Bellamy Oh, this is the guy that does the imitation, the Adam imitation.

1:28:58 Oh, yeah.

1:28:59 Bill Bellamy He works in a post office.

1:29:00 Adam Yeah.

1:29:01 No, no, no, no, print shop.

1:29:02 Bill Bellamy Print shop.

1:29:02 Adam That's a print shop. Let's see. Drew, pretty good. Yeah. Why don't you do a little, why don't you read the Germany or Florida as me? But you know what?

1:29:12 Bill Bellamy We did that last time. Didn't work.

1:29:14 Adam Didn't work?

1:29:15 I'm saying things you say, it doesn't make any sense.

1:29:17 Adam You have to say Adam isms?

1:29:19 Bill Bellamy Yeah.

1:29:20 Yeah. Otherwise, it's just me making a ridiculous voice and I'm making an ass of myself.

1:29:24 Adam All right. Well, why don't you do a couple of Adam isms then before you read the Germany or Florida?

1:29:29 I don't have my list in front of me. How about after the Germany or Florida, I'll go grab my list?

1:29:32 Adam All right. How about next time we call the show, you have the goddamn list in front of you?

1:29:35 Bill Bellamy No, no. Because last time we abused you. I'm surprised you're asking him to do this. You knocked him down last time. You told him never to do that.

1:29:42 Adam, you know what you said to me last time? You said, you know, sometimes you have a friend who says she has a friend that looks like Cindy Crawford, but when you meet her, she's actually kind of fat, but she has a mole.

1:29:51 Bill Bellamy Right.

1:29:51 And you gave me all kinds of crap.

1:29:53 Bill Bellamy He was never going to do Adam again.

1:29:55 Adam You were a bad Adam, huh?

1:29:56 Bill Bellamy Whatever. He was just never going to do it again.

1:29:57 Adam All right. Well, I'm going to trust the Adam that spoke some months ago and just go with the Germany or Florida then. All right, buddy. Go ahead.

1:30:05 And is this stuff true about you leaving the show?

1:30:08 Adam It's getting close.

1:30:10 What kind of time frame are we talking about?

1:30:12 Adam Well, if I'm going to replace Stern, and I'm not sure I'm going to replace Stern yet, but there are definitely those rumblings, it would probably be around the first of the year.

1:30:22 Really?

1:30:23 Adam Yeah.

1:30:25 Well, I'd hate to see you go, man. I've been listening for over five years, and you've been getting me through a lot of late nights, you and Drew both.

1:30:30 Adam I'd kind of hate to see me go too, but this is one of those once-in-a-lifetime types of opportunities that you just can't let go by.

1:30:39 Right. Right on. Well, I'll get to the Germany or Florida for Bill here.

1:30:42 Adam All right.

1:30:43 Drew All right, hook me up, dog.

1:30:44 All right, dog.

1:30:46 Caller Germany or Florida? Germany or Florida?

1:30:51 Adam I like the scant one better. Yeah, this is David Allen's career too. This is the jazz version.

1:31:02 Caller Is it Germany or Florida? Hey! Germany or Florida?

1:31:11 Caller So tortured.

1:31:12 Bill Bellamy I like the ending of this best.

1:31:13 Bill Bellamy Yeah.

1:31:15 Caller Let's find out. Dun, dun, ba-dun, dun, dun, ba-dun, dun, dun.

1:31:23 Adam Big ending. Big crescendo. Yep, he's home crying right now in to his chardonnay. Go ahead, Eric.

1:31:30 What's the odds of getting him to replace you in the show here?

1:31:32 Adam Uh, I don't know. No! That's a good question. Shut up! Drew would stab him with a pen. Yeah, go ahead.

1:31:44 Okay, a 34-year-old man was admitted to a hospital after trying to commit suicide by swallowing a can full of expanding foam. Ooh. Surgeons had to operate to remove the eight-inch block of foam from the man's stomach. He later died as a result of internal bleeding. Germany or Florida?

1:31:59 Bill Bellamy I heard of this one. It was a while ago.

1:32:01 Adam I heard of it too.

1:32:01 Drew Expansion foam.

1:32:03 Adam Yeah, it's that polypropylene-expanding stuff that they use in construction. Yeah, they used a lot of that stuff. And by the way, that is the baddest-ass stuff ever known to man. You put a dollop on it, put a dollop on the table, that stuff, the size of it, just put for shaving cream, it'll expand the size of a beach ball. And if the stuff makes contact with your skin, you just pick it off for the next three weeks. And if it gets on your clothes, you just have to cut that part out. You can't actually, it takes the fabric with it. It's crazy bad ass stuff.

1:32:35 Drew So it's like expandable glue or something?

1:32:37 Adam Yeah, I couldn't think, it's polystyrene that expands or polypropylene or something and it ends up getting hard.

1:32:45 Bill Bellamy All right, let's go to Germany. I'll go to Florida.

1:32:46 Drew I'm going to Germany.

1:32:47 Bill Bellamy Okay.

1:32:48 Adam I'm going to Florida too.

1:32:48 Caller Okay.

1:32:50 Adam Eric?

1:32:52 It is, Frankfurt, Germany.

1:32:55 Adam Who got that?

1:32:55 Drew Who you? Bill. Bill Bellamy.

1:32:57 Adam Bill Bellamy. Happy Bill Bellamy.

1:32:58 Drew Beep beep. Beep beep in a house.

1:33:01 Adam HBB.

1:33:01 Drew Dude, I know my places, dog.

1:33:03 Adam No, you're right. You're right.

1:33:04 Drew I mean, nobody in Florida is doing that.

1:33:06 Adam No, they just...

1:33:06 Drew It's too hot.

1:33:07 Adam Too creative. Here's the thing. Everyone in Florida has got a gun, so if you want to kill yourself, you just put a gun in your mouth. You don't put... You want an expanding polystyrene foam in your mouth.

1:33:15 Drew I mean, who thought of that?

1:33:17 Adam All right. And that's smart, too. It's German. That's right. Yeah. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

1:33:54 Bill Bellamy Do they use more gas, too?

1:33:56 Adam Yeah, of course.

1:33:57 Bill Bellamy Because the cylinders are bigger.

1:33:58 Adam Yeah, but it's weird. It's not what you think. Yeah. Hey, that's the show. Bill Bellamy, everyone.

1:34:06 Drew We had such a good time.

1:34:07 Bill Bellamy We did have a good time.

1:34:08 Adam Thursday night through Sunday night.

1:34:09 Drew Check out my website, too, for all the Loveline. billbellamy.com. Just drop by. Leave a note if you want. Say what's up.

1:34:16 Adam Bill will reply personally and promptly, I guarantee you.

1:34:21 Drew Come to your house.

1:34:23 Adam 311 is going to be in here tomorrow night. Until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:29 Drew You know, I haven't killed anybody in about two years.

1:34:33 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station.

1:34:45 Adam The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, July 19, 2005