Episode 1000717390135

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

1:15 Loveline, Loveline, Loveline, Loveline, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Adam Hey, everybody. It's Loveline.

1:22 I'm Adam.

1:22 Voiceover That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Oh, yeah.

1:33 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:34 Adam All right. So here's the new deal. The Donnas who were coming in on Thursday or coming in on Tuesday, but got bumped to Wednesday because the Foo Fighters are coming in on Thursday. Can't now can't do it because some sort of plane flight thing. So I think they'll come in some other week or so after that. And they're good girls. We're looking forward to seeing them, but looking more forward to seeing the Foo Fighters. Oh, on Thursday. So got I don't know if all the foos are in or just Dave Grohl. All right. It was hot today, Drew.

2:09 Drew Yeah.

2:10 Adam Yeah.

2:11 Drew But it's a weird hot, you know, sticky, sweaty hot. And then this gigantic full moon at night now. It's a yes.

2:18 Adam Yes. Yes. The orb beckons. Um, also, I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm hanging around older guys and there's more sweating going on these days.

2:28 Drew Older guys.

2:29 Adam Maybe that maybe some run around with a camera crew and stuff. These poor camera guys, these cameras. The cameras are the size of you goes and they haven't shrunk an inch in the last 30 years. And, you know, to keep they always talk about those. Oh, yeah, today's digital technology. I mean, the quality you get from a phone camera today is ten times better than what NBC was using in the 70s and stuff like that. Yet these huge beta cams have remained exactly the same. And I keep saying, well, once you just drop down to, you know, a nice three-chip job that you can, you know, weighs 14 ounces, 126 pounds, they like, but these poor guys are running around with these things.

3:12 Drew Well, then you've always got the sound guy, that huge tray of sound equipment. And you're pushing it around. Cigar cigarette lady.

3:17 Adam Giant wheel in the back, yeah. Yeah, it's awesome. No heart of your breed. You know how there's people you inherently hate?

3:25 Drew Yeah.

3:25 Adam And I've spoken about them all the time. You know, I don't like meat or maids, although I don't actually know any personally. Hate publicists. You know, there's people you just hate. Like, I haven't met too many attorneys I like.

3:37 Drew I hope you're gonna say camera's the opposite.

3:38 Adam Yes.

3:39 Drew Yeah, camera's the guy you intrinsically like.

3:40 Adam Let me tell you something, everybody. Cameraman is like fireman.

3:44 Drew Yeah.

3:45 Adam Big, rugged, hearty guys. Nice. Nice, silent, never complain. You know, Jimmy and I would go do some man show thing in Mardi Gras.

3:55 Drew Yeah.

3:56 Adam We'd be out on the streets of Bourbon Street till five in the morning. This guy's lugging this 80 pound camera on his shoulder and he's running in front of us and running backwards through vomit filled alleys. And you know, there's somebody with their hand on his belt sort of dragging him so he doesn't run into, you know, a dumpster. And these guys, these guys are just animals. They're sort of like whatever, whatever.

4:21 Drew It's not just the handheld guys too. Even the guys behind the big.

4:24 Adam All camera man, all camera men are salt of the earth. They're the greatest guys in the world.

4:30 Drew And there's camera women too. There's a couple of them.

4:31 Adam We got one on our show. Attractive. Catherine? Beth.

4:36 Drew Beth, yeah.

4:37 Adam Solid. Yeah, it's just something about camera people. First off, they don't want to be in front of the camera. So already they get points. They actually don't want to be in front of it. They want to be inside of it. Right.

4:48 Drew The only people on earth that categorically do not want to be in front of the camera.

4:51 Adam No, it's impossible. The only way they can be in front of the camera is if they drop their camera. But they're just I don't know what is they're like sort of like part lumberjack, part technician, part fireman. All they're just men and women, but they're all they're usually all the same dude, stocky dude, strong guy, tall guy, and guy. They all wear these sort of all-terrain boot sneaker. Yeah, you know, sort of midway, mid ankle with the waffle sole. But it's part tennis shoe. It's hybrid thing. And these guys are just salt. I love cameramen. They don't talk. They never complain. They always agree. And they're just great. Yeah.

5:29 Drew Agreed.

5:30 Adam Great guys, right?

5:31 Drew Always.

5:31 Adam Publicists, pain in the ass. What percentage of publicists versus cameramen? It's 90 and it's 90, but it's 90 positive. No, it's 98 for cameramen. You like 98 out of 100 cameramen you love. 98 out of 100 publicists you hate. I don't even know where attorneys are. But someday we ought to just break down jobs to the sort of A-hole ranking. Attorney is way up there. Plastic surgeon way up there. You can see Dr. Marcel in studio here in a couple of days. So I'm warm enough for that. I don't know what else. You know, hairstylist, jeweler. I could come up with a whole list of things. Most any guy that has to do with any female stuff, usually always a disaster.

6:16 Drew Yeah.

6:16 Adam And then you start getting into like weird odd stuff like pet groomers and stuff. Yeah. I think those guys are a disaster, too.

6:25 Drew No, I'm going to work on those guys.

6:27 Adam That's true. They're always lesbians, though, but they're more man than you or you or I could ever hope to be strong, stocky. I remember doing some work for one of these women, women, women who worked at the kennel. And I was like, this woman, you know, she was five, three, one about two eighty five, nine ounce of fat on her.

6:47 Butch, butch.

6:48 Adam And I was like, what do you what do you do beside work around with the pets? Black powder rifles. You're in the guns, black powder. You don't just target shoot. No, no musket. Wow. Oh, super uber lesbo.

7:07 Black powder. She's out there with a musket.

7:10 Adam I mean, you know, Pirates of the Caribbean, right?

7:12 Stuffing the ball down in there. Musket ball tearing off tearing off the powder horn.

7:20 Powder dry.

7:21 Wow.

7:21 Drew Yeah, she must do reenactment.

7:23 Oh, you know, she's like, no, Flint, Flint. Oh, yeah.

7:29 Drew Oh, do I read this thing?

7:30 Adam No. OK, Lisa.

7:33 Yeah.

7:33 Adam Oh, that what? Yeah, let's talk to Lisa first. Lisa, you're 20?

7:37 Caller Yes.

7:38 Adam Yeah.

7:39 Caller I am 20 years old.

7:40 Drew And what's going on?

7:42 Caller I have never, ever been able to quenox using my finger. And I have been a couple of times when my boyfriend would go down on me.

7:50 Adam But hold on a second. I figured out why, like, cameraman.

7:55 Drew Why?

7:56 Adam And sound guys and all those crew guys. And why hate publicists and a lot of attorneys. Because those guys do something. Do something. They have to do it. I know. They can't complain about why didn't get done. They can't not do their job. They can't not do their job. If a cameraman Fs up, you have nothing for the day times a hundred grand or fifty grand or an entire crew or vans and and and all the equipment all the stuff's all for not. See all publicists do is want to wedge themselves in between two people and figure out a reason why they should get paid when reality is is we just all ball them up and throw them in the ocean. And the same with 90 percent of attorneys. These are worthless bottom feeding idiots who just get in between two decent people often times and start basically extracting money from both sides. They do nothing and they can bill you for doing nothing. Whereas cameramen have to do something and I love that about them. They actually do. These other people just whine and complain and fidget and wedge themselves in and crawl in. And you know they're standing around. They don't need to be there. Does anyone ever need a publicist anywhere? You know what I mean? Like you can't do without the cameraman. True. Publicist, if they all just spontaneously combusted the second, there would be no difference in tomorrow's workday.

9:21 Drew Mine would be different.

9:22 Adam Yeah. What? Be better, right? Better?

9:25 Drew Yeah.

9:26 Adam Yeah. Like you would know. Okay. Who could you afford to lose? Your publicist for a year or your cameraman for an hour? That's the question we all need to ask ourselves. One hour of a cameraman down, one year of a publicist down.

9:40 Drew We need to hire a cameraman just to make sure that doesn't happen. All right, Lisa, we heard that you had one once when your ex-boyfriend gave you oral sex.

9:48 Caller Right. The only way I could climax is with grinding a teddy bear or being underneath a water faucet. And I can do it like up to 20 times a day, you know.

10:03 Drew 20 times a day.

10:05 Caller Just really easily. Yeah, within 30 seconds. Yet I've never been able to with my own fingers.

10:10 Adam God, how about, how about- Bear's nose has to just be worn down to a nub.

10:14 Drew How about with the intercourse?

10:16 Caller No, I cannot.

10:18 Drew So occasionally with oral sex, do you ever bring anything into what you're doing with your boyfriend?

10:24 Caller I can't use, yeah, I bring my teddy bear in.

10:30 Adam By the way, this could be a turn on if there wasn't a bee story that was a train wreck. You know what I mean?

10:38 Drew Right. If there was not some cause. Yes.

10:41 Adam If you weren't continuously raped with Mrs. Beasley at age four and a half, this would be a turn on. But something horrible must have happened to have you utilize the teddy bear.

10:53 Drew Not necessarily.

10:55 Adam No?

10:55 Drew You just use a teddy bear like a pillow, something to push up against, right?

10:59 Caller Yeah. I grind against it.

11:02 Drew Why a teddy bear? Why not something else?

11:06 Caller Because of the texture of it. The way stuffed animal is made, a pillow is a little more smoother, so it doesn't feel as great.

11:17 Drew How about just your boyfriend?

11:20 Caller No. No, I can't. And also to, I've also been on antidepressants for five years.

11:29 Drew That makes it difficult, right?

11:31 Adam Yeah. How did you get started with the teddy bear? Quiet.

11:35 Drew Not with the teddy bear.

11:37 Adam What's the teddy bear's name, by the way?

11:40 Caller It doesn't have a name. It's called Teddy.

11:42 Adam You have to name a teddy bear.

11:44 Drew Teddy.

11:44 Adam Teddy does. Yeah, it's a cop out. Yeah. Although I had a cat named Kitty. Do you, you do? Sure wasn't the same cat. Ours was missing for a while. Was black.

11:55 Drew All black?

11:56 Adam Well, it was all black, yeah. Well, ours was sort of Persian looking, though. Oh.

12:01 Drew It disappeared too.

12:02 Oh, my mom said it went to the farm.

12:06 Adam Okay. Lisa?

12:08 Drew Yeah.

12:08 Adam Is there any back story we need to know about you, any abuse, nothing weird?

12:16 Caller A lot of physical, verbal abuse still goes on today.

12:21 Adam Who's physically?

12:22 Caller Not the physical, the verbal abuse still goes on today.

12:25 Adam Well, you're going to find it everywhere you go, but who's verbally abusing you?

12:31 Caller My parents. My parents are Middle Eastern, and there was just a lot of traumatic events at the place where I would be in the bathroom for days and not want to come out of freedom.

12:45 Caller No, not the right.

12:46 Adam Verbal, you know, it's funny because I find all Middle Easterns to be a very friendly jovial, they're jovial, they're jocular people, you know? I can't imagine there's any verbal abuse.

13:00 Drew Well, Lisa, I'm suspicious that really what happens here is that the closeness is what troubles you and that being close, being intimate, proximity of other minds is what makes it difficult for you to be sexual because you've been so badly traumatized. So, you know, when you're with an inanimate object, you have no trouble functioning, but when you're close with somebody else, you get inhibited, quite literally biologically inhibited. And that's more to do with the trauma and the abuse than anything else. I don't think it has anything to do with your sexual functioning so much.

13:29 Adam I find most Middle Easterns to be pranksters.

13:32 Drew That's a good word, yes.

13:33 Adam Yes, they're raconteurs who tell very, spin very witty tales. They're jovial people. I've never known any to be physically or verbally abusive, but you know, I do them, they're sort of practical jokers. A lot of prank phone calls come from that part of the world.

13:52 Drew Truly.

13:53 Adam Yeah, crazy. Most great, great comedic playwrights are from that part of the world. Oh, absolutely. Funny, funny people. Funny. Hysterical folks. Super, super sense of humor. Amazing sense of humor.

14:09 Great fun.

14:10 Adam You know what I mean? It's fun. You fly over the Middle East, you can hear the laughter coming up almost through the airplane. I swear you can feel it, Drew. Great, great jovial.

14:22 Caller Love to laugh.

14:23 Adam Love, love to laugh. Love it. You know, close your eyes, see a picture, all that footage of those guys just laughing their asses off. Eden?

14:36 Caller Hello?

14:37 Drew Go ahead and shut down that computer.

14:39 Caller Yeah.

14:40 Adam Yeah.

14:41 Caller How are you boys doing?

14:42 Drew Good.

14:43 Adam Puckish is what I would call the Middle Eastern people. Go ahead, Eden.

14:49 Caller I personally don't know any, but I'll pick your word for it.

14:52 Adam Well, but you all, we've all heard, we all know the stereotype in the Middle Eastern. I can't stop pulling practical jokes.

15:00 Caller Well, if I believed anything the media said, I wouldn't have half a brain to listen to anything.

15:04 Drew I'm so glad you said that because-

15:06 Adam It's awesome that no one ever knows what I'm talking about.

15:08 Drew I know, but she's read my mind. Eden's calling from Austin. I was reading a little thing tonight about The Runaway Bride. I get so frustrated. Cold feet. Oh yeah, she just felt she couldn't be the perfect wife, so therefore she decided to kill herself and go to Austin.

15:23 Adam She got cold feet.

15:25 Drew Why can't people ask her the questions about her mental health or psychiatric condition? It's amazing to me.

15:30 Adam Nobody wants to get into anything, Drew.

15:32 Drew It's unbelievable.

15:34 Adam Eden?

15:34 Drew She was psychotic. She probably was having active hallucination.

15:38 Adam Look at her eyes. If I saw anyone, give me that look, I would dart them and just bag them and tag them and drag them in. That's right in the neck. Go ahead, Eden.

15:53 Caller Jesus, correct me up. Okay. Well, my question was about a threesome. And I've always been curious, how would a girl like me feel about proposing to men to have a threesome?

16:09 Drew What do you mean by a girl like you?

16:12 Caller A girl like me, a single 23-year-old non-married single, you know, just...

16:20 Adam How much, yeah, how much are you coming in at weight-wise?

16:24 Caller Weight-wise?

16:25 Caller Oh, 150.

16:28 Adam 150, uh-huh.

16:29 Caller And I'm 5'8.

16:31 Adam 5'8? Okay, I'm still gonna have to do some quick radio math here. Let me crunch some numbers here. Did she say 5'8, 150? What's that, 2 times 7, Drew?

16:44 Drew 14.

16:45 Adam 14. 14 and 3 is what?

16:49 Drew 14 and 3 is 17.

16:50 Adam 17. 1 and 5 is what?

16:55 Drew 6.

16:56 Adam 1 and 1 is what?

16:57 Drew 2.

17:02 Adam 2 and 1 is still 1 or is that 2?

17:04 Drew Take the cosign of that angle. Okay.

17:08 Adam Did you say 1 times 1 is 2?

17:10 Drew No, 1 times 1 is 1.

17:11 Adam All right, but then what's 1 times 2? Oh, okay. Okay, well, hold on. I got to start again.

17:19 Drew You want to use a natural log. Log base e.

17:21 Adam Oh, log base e. Do you say c or e? E. E.

17:24 Drew Okay.

17:27 Adam Okay, I have 5, 6, and 17, 30 seconds by 161 and 3 ounces. I'm actually getting into ounces this year.

17:45 Drew No stones?

17:47 Adam No stones. But I think that would be about, I don't know, 7 or 8 stone or something like that. Where the hell were we?

17:56 Drew Where the tag is?

17:56 Adam Oh, yeah, yeah. Eden?

17:59 Caller Yes.

18:00 Adam All right. So, sorry, just had to crunch up numbers. Why do you want to have a threesome with two guys? I know it's sort of a fantasy for a lot of women, but it's usually a sort of fantasy that they never really want to act out on.

18:15 Caller Well, I've seen it on pornography videos. And it always looks exciting to me.

18:23 Drew Why not? What about having sort of a boyfriend or a friend with benefit and then finding another person to participate with that? Rather than starting fresh with two new people to kind of build?

18:34 Adam It's going to be a tough sell to the boyfriend, though, because I said a friend of benefit even even. Well, you said or boyfriend, but but even friends with benefit. It's kind of a tough sell to introduce another sausage onto the grill.

18:48 Drew It is.

18:48 Caller But if she's not really a question, I mean, I just don't. I don't know if guys are even into I mean, I'm not even talking about the two guys having sex. It would be all about me, which is very selfish to say.

19:01 But I just what is it?

19:04 Drew I'm curious. What is it you like about this?

19:07 Caller Um, well, with two men, I would think there would be a very lack of control. I guess it's kind of a submissive thing.

19:16 Drew All right. Is that is that something? Have you been abused?

19:19 Caller Is being out of control something you can't do?

19:21 No. Just curious.

19:23 Drew Well, no, because being out of control is a very specific thing, and that usually means that that now is attractive to you. When that's attractive, it usually comes from experiences earlier, where it was sort of terrorizing.

19:34 Caller To me, it's more my natural personas tends to be extroverted and somewhat leadership dominant. So I'm thinking maybe that something opposite like that would kind of make me a better person.

19:48 Drew You got to answer my question.

19:49 Adam She's not going to answer it. Eden.

19:52 Caller Yes.

19:53 Adam Here's the thing. Here's my honest take on this. I understand you're being curious about it. It's one of those things that kind of goes on your permanent record as a chick that your husband is going to learn to hate one day when he finds out about it. And you'll probably wish at some point in life that you didn't do it. Sorry about the double standard.

20:15 Drew No, no, no. Let's ask the proper questions.

20:18 Adam That's not proper?

20:18 Drew Her dad, blah, blah, blah.

20:20 Adam Oh, yes. Okay, you're getting it. I'm not getting that effed up. I'm just getting sort of almost male-like, male-like libido mixed in with some curiosity.

20:31 Drew There's that sometimes, yeah.

20:32 Adam Oh, is your dad around? Did he do anything bad to you?

20:35 Caller No, I had a very blessed childhood. My both parents are still married and yes.

20:42 Adam Yeah.

20:42 Drew Blessed and what do you mean blessed? What does that mean? Just nice?

20:45 Caller Lucky, fortunate.

20:48 Adam Yeah.

20:48 Caller I was not abused. My brother is fine too.

20:52 It's just, it's just curiosity.

20:55 Adam Are you athletic playing the softball team, the soccer team in school?

20:59 Caller I'm a graphic designer. I sit in front of the computer.

21:02 Adam No, I mean like in high school.

21:04 Caller In high school, I was in band.

21:08 Drew What's your, that's actually goes on, that's going that direction. What's your sort of sexual history?

21:16 Caller What do you mean?

21:17 Drew If you had boyfriends, if you had lots of partners, what's the deal?

21:21 Caller I would say I've had four or five partners, maybe three of which have been boyfriends. I did have one threesome with a Girl Scout friend of mine and some guy we met online.

21:36 Adam I'm going to put that in the hopper for later.

21:38 Drew Girl Scout?

21:39 Adam Is she in the uniform?

21:41 How old were you?

21:44 Caller We were seniors in high school.

21:46 Drew What do you mean you checked him out?

21:47 Adam The guy you met online?

21:48 Drew What do you mean you checked him out? Eden, this is like deviant behavior here now. We're getting into some weird stuff.

21:53 Adam Let me talk to Kerry for a second. I don't know why, but let me tell you the vibe I'm getting from Eden.

21:58 Drew Your thing is if a guy could behave, could be a girl, this is how he'd behave.

22:03 Adam Five percent, four or five percent of the female populace just has a sort of a male libido.

22:09 Drew That is true.

22:10 Adam And by the way, four or five percent of the male populace has a female like libido. Probably true. Like just, yeah, they're not that into it, like, yeah, I've never been to a strip club, I don't watch porn.

22:19 Drew Yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right.

22:21 Adam So if you think about it, in a way, it's almost the same populace or same percentage and it's almost the same approach.

22:28 Drew So this is how a guy would behave if he had, if he were a woman.

22:32 Adam Yeah, but even so not out of control, been with four or five partners, had a couple, rung up a couple of, you know, home runs, but not, not normally a home run hitter, you know, you know what I mean? Not being with a ton of people.

22:44 Drew Here's what's, here's what's absent in this situation that is always present in the abuse survivors. Absent is the chaos.

22:50 Adam Right.

22:51 Drew But the deviance is here.

22:53 Adam Yeah. I don't know why, but I'm picturing, well, not picturing, but because she told me it's a chick who's probably not the model type and the bell of the ball has to go out and hustle a little bit.

23:07 Drew Yeah.

23:08 Adam You know, some chicks are smoking hot and all they have to do is go to a club and park themselves at the end of the bar and the guys start coming in, the drinks start coming.

23:16 Drew And not only that, estrogenized, which are the women that look more model-like, are more about receiving, receptivity, and the androgen dominant, the testosterone.

23:26 Adam Yes.

23:27 Drew Type female is out on the hunt.

23:28 Adam That's what I'm picking up with Eden and I think she is almost not only dude-like in her libido, but maybe even a little in her approach to sex. Like I got to go out and find some schlong tonight.

23:41 Drew Okay.

23:42 Adam Yes. Yes. Eden. Thank you. All right. I like you. Are you tomboyish at all? Do you have any-

23:53 Caller When I was growing up, I would say I was tomboyish.

23:57 Adam Yeah. But I don't know even what I'm asking. Do you have big calves? Do you have any male characteristics?

24:04 Caller I think I know what you're asking. Do I look like a man? Yeah.

24:07 Adam But I don't mean look like a man. I just mean almost approach. Well, there's some women that walk like men. Yeah. You know what I mean? You see them from behind, you think it's a guy. It's just that's how they carry themselves or that's how they approach life.

24:22 Caller I'll explain to you. I'm not your drop dead gorgeous takes two hours to put makeup on kind of girl. But at the same time, I'm just average. I'm not really skinny, but I'm not overweight.

24:37 Adam Yeah.

24:38 Caller I would just be your average. I probably have had a guy buy me drinks once or twice at a bar. It's not something that happens every time I go in now if I go in with you.

24:52 Adam I got you sized up, Eden. I'm right with you.

24:56 Drew Why don't the Edens ever call us?

24:57 Adam I don't know. They don't call us because they're not really that effed up.

25:00 Caller Yeah.

25:03 Adam Eden really isn't that. Eden's not that effed up.

25:06 Drew So the question then is if we're correct, how should she approach this thing she wants to do?

25:12 Adam I would recommend that you don't do it, but you're going to have trouble finding. I think you put yourself in a slightly dangerous situation.

25:22 Drew Yeah.

25:22 Adam You're going to have to find yourself two guys that know each other that you meet on the same night. I don't think you're going to meet one dude, have sex with him, hang with him, and then get his other buddy involved with it unless it's a spontaneous party sort of thing. It's one of these things that, you know, look, I don't want to sound like a prude. I just think it's going to be one of these things that you're not going to want to carry around with you for the rest of your life.

25:50 Drew Yeah. Would you say that to a guy that wants to do that?

25:52 Adam No, because there's a double standard. That's fine. There's differences.

25:57 Drew I would disagree with you.

25:58 Adam Disagree that there's a double standard?

26:00 Drew No, no, I would disagree that I would discourage it because of the mark on her record. That wouldn't bother me. What would bother me is...

26:07 Adam No, first off, it would... Here's the thing. I know it wouldn't bother you at all because you're super, super evolved and you lie like a wet bath man, number one. Number two, 99% of the guys who may marry her one day, five years from now, start a family with it, would most likely not enjoy hearing that tale.

26:28 Drew She doesn't have to tell that tale. It's her thing.

26:30 Adam But don't worry, he'll find out somehow, some way. And it's potentially dangerous.

26:36 Drew It's dangerous. And I do think it will take a piece from her soul that she's not expecting.

26:40 Adam That's the other, well, when I say carry it around, that's what I mean. I don't mean it's all for her future husband. It's a part of her that's going to feel like she's holding something back or whatever.

26:50 Drew It's going to be, yeah.

26:51 Adam Okay. Let's take a break. Do I do this thing?

26:54 Drew Yeah.

26:54 Adam Oh, okay.

26:55 Drew Go ahead.

26:56 Adam Tell you what's going on tonight. Well, she may have been our call. One lucky person tonight.

27:01 Drew She needs it. She needs the kit.

27:04 Adam Yeah.

27:05 Drew She needs the kit. Come on.

27:06 Adam She needs a she needs a barrel of direct condoms. Eden.

27:10 Drew Yes, I am. You got to hold on for a second. I think. Yeah, I think you're it.

27:13 Adam Yeah, because one lucky. Well, I can't give it away this early in the show, Drew.

27:16 Drew You can we can bring Eden up again later.

27:18 Adam Now, anyway, they're going to win a party pack of directs condoms, which includes CDs and a poker set and money and more directs condoms each night this week. I'm going to say the best call the night is probably not in the first eight minutes of the show. And they're going to win one of these party packs. You got to be 18 years or older to play. And it's brought to you, of course, by directs their sex. And then there's directs. All right. We're going to take a break.

27:44 Drew When we come back, Drew, maybe we should have even stand hold for a while.

27:46 Adam You can stand hold for six hours.

27:48 Drew No, no, for half an hour. And that's right at the top of the next hour. You can bring her back.

27:52 Adam What if we find someone that's better need?

27:54 Caller Well, okay.

27:56 Adam Let's speak to Daniel. Doesn't poop for weeks at a time.

27:59 Drew Oh, yeah.

27:59 Adam All that after this. Yay!

28:31 What's up?

28:32 Adam What's going on? Gotta get it on. No choice. Force to get it on.

28:40 Drew Let's do it.

28:41 Adam Mandate to get it on. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Oh, nothing. Just a foo fighter's coming in here on Thursday.

28:53 Drew You know, I'm going to Vermont tomorrow.

28:55 Adam Awesome. One of those teddy bears in our collar can masturbate with it.

28:59 Drew Oh, my God.

29:00 Adam What are you doing over there?

29:01 Drew Daughter's ice skating. Of course, now, she, by the way, we've been struggling with this last couple of days. She fell off a skateboard, wounded her foot, got infected, can't put a skate on. It's like, oh, my God.

29:13 Adam Now, I see now, this is why I would make a bad dad. I'd be like, scrub the mission.

29:18 Drew Well, I suggest that come up. Smart. But how dare you? What are you talking about?

29:24 Adam If you can keep rubbing fecal matter into that open sore while she's asleep, Drew, the infection will spread just enough. Now, as a doctor, you can control it. You know what I mean? It's not an actual danger. Other parents, I would say that would be irresponsible. You have the expertise to control that kind of infection, but just enough so she can't get on the plane.

29:43 Drew Yeah. There we go.

29:44 Adam Yeah. That's why I'd be a horrible dad. I'd be like, oh, thank God. Her toe's infected. We have to stay home. Very exciting. So you'd be going to Vermont.

29:54 Drew Yeah.

29:54 Adam And Pauline is going to be doing some skating.

29:56 Drew Yeah. And Los Angeles Ice Theater. It was this whole team that she's with.

30:01 Adam How many? How many girls?

30:03 Drew 30, 35.

30:04 Adam 30, 35.

30:06 Drew 30.

30:06 Adam 35 girls. You know what their logo is? 35 girls, 42 eating disorders. They should have extra eating disorders in case they run out of one on the road. So there, you could see some of those girls are heading for trouble already, can't you?

30:21 Caller No.

30:23 Adam And so they're going out, they're ice skating. And all the parents are going.

30:27 Drew Yeah.

30:28 Adam They all go.

30:28 Drew Yeah.

30:30 Adam This is foreign to me.

30:31 Drew I know it is. It's like I'm speaking some weird language.

30:33 Adam I couldn't get my parents out of North Hollywood. And so they go to Vermont and they skate and everyone stays at a hotel.

30:41 Drew Right.

30:42 Adam And then it's off to where?

30:43 Drew New York City for a couple of days.

30:44 Adam New York City.

30:45 Drew And then back.

30:45 Adam Wow. Your kids, life's going to be a horrible disappointment to them when they get out of the house.

30:50 Drew They just won't want to do anything.

30:52 Adam Well, maybe that's what you want, too. The ones who are just sort of burnt out. Like people like, we're going to Cannes. We're going to stay on the Sultan of Bernice.

31:00 Drew I went there when I was seven.

31:01 Adam I went there with my dad. It smelled. They don't have any McDonald's there, you know. You know what I mean? Yeah. You get that.

31:09 Drew That's what I'm hoping for.

31:10 Adam Yeah. Then the idea of sort of slumming it becomes sort of intriguing to them because being poor is almost a hobby. Yeah. Like, hey, this is cool. We're all sleeping on the same futon. It's like camping.

31:23 Drew Right.

31:23 Adam Being poor just becomes like a camping trip for them. It's kind of fun.

31:26 Drew Right.

31:26 Adam Eat out of a can, live in a crappy apartment. Yeah. When you grow up that way, you're constantly miserable and always yearning for something better. That's a good way to do it, Drew.

31:37 Caller You're smart.

31:39 Adam Daniel?

31:40 Yeah.

31:40 Adam You're 20?

31:42 Caller Yes, I am.

31:43 Adam You don't poop for weeks?

31:47 Caller Well, more than that at times. But yeah, I know y'all had a call about this months ago and- Hold on. Hold on. Yeah.

31:54 Adam Hold on a second. More than weeks at times?

31:59 Caller Yeah. Like the most I've gone that I think about six weeks or so.

32:06 Drew Wow. Now, are you eating normally during that time?

32:10 Adam Mostly.

32:11 Caller Like when it gets to the end, like of those six weeks, I start having a hard time eating and I kind of force myself to eat because I mean, I know how unhealthy that is. So I do my best to eat regularly.

32:25 Drew Now, by the way, you know, if the toxin theory meant a goddamn thing, Adam, yes, why isn't Daniel flooded with toxin?

32:32 Adam Well, I don't know, I mean, Daniel, you ever feel tired in the morning when the alarm goes off? Okay. All right. Okay. Okay.

32:41 Drew Wait, Adam, me too. Me too.

32:42 Adam Okay. All right.

32:43 Drew But wait a minute, I have bowel movements every day or two.

32:45 Adam Well, okay. Okay. But you're taking toxins in.

32:47 Drew Oh, I see.

32:48 Adam I see. Your body is like a sponge, okay? And it absorbs the, we live in a toxic environment, okay? The air you breathe, the water you drink, all the pesticides and preservatives and toxins.

33:04 Drew Unless you flush them out with enemas. Is that what you need to do? Hold on.

33:07 Adam Your body collects and stores the toxins. Okay? Hey, you ever feel at about 3.30 in the afternoon, you wouldn't mind laying down for 20 minutes and closing your eyes? You ever feel that way, Daniel? Yeah, occasionally. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Those are toxins. Okay? That's making you tired. And you ever feel like sometimes, okay? Okay.

33:30 Drew Okay.

33:31 Adam Okay. Okay. You ever feel like when you're studying and you're trying to study and you're reading, you end up reading the same page twice because you just couldn't focus for that few minutes? You ever, that ever happen to you, Daniel?

33:42 Drew Occasionally, yeah.

33:42 Adam Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Those are toxins. Okay? Okay.

33:48 Okay. Toxins.

33:50 Adam Yeah. Building up in your body. Making you tired, making you sluggish.

33:53 Drew Well, especially Daniel, they stay and they fester.

33:56 Adam They fester.

33:56 Drew And there's a mucus, there's a mucus shunt.

33:58 Caller Mucus shunt.

34:00 Adam Okay? Okay. Okay. Building up inside of your intestines and colon.

34:06 Drew He needs high colonic regulated twice a day.

34:09 Adam Okay. Okay. You know how your car needs the fuel injection system flushed out every couple of hundred thousand miles? I like how people do that. What? Okay. Okay. Your body's the same way. We have to flush the toxins out of you by pumping a couple of gallons of black coffee up your ass. Okay? Okay. Okay. Okay. And then once we complete that process, you'll feel better. You know why?

34:40 Because you're nuts.

34:43 Adam You see, I could hand you a tic-tac and tell you it was a magic fairy pill and you would feel better because you're nuts. You're the idiot who says, Oh, I got a sugar high and a red meat lumping out on red meat. You're not. All I hear is, I don't hear, all I hear is weak and feeble minded. That's all. When I hear allergies, not you, not Daniel.

35:05 Drew The point is, you're the poster child for why that should not be the case. According to the theorist that Adam's alluding to, you're not having a bowel movement for six weeks should cause cancer, should kill you.

35:19 Adam Okay. Daniel.

35:21 Caller Yeah.

35:22 Adam Anyway, so the question is, I can't believe you don't poop for six weeks and I'm seeing you as a super skinny guy, as a crazy fast metabolism. Drew, could his metabolism be eating all this up or a lot of it up? How does that work?

35:39 Caller Yeah, my metabolism is pretty intense, I guess.

35:43 Drew That's an interesting idea.

35:44 Caller I mean, it's not like, I mean, I can't believe it, first of all.

35:47 Drew All right, well, let me ask this.

35:49 Adam Let me ask Drew. Let me ask Drew. All right. But let me ask, well, he can, there's things he can do. But if your metabolism is slow, okay.

35:59 Drew Let's say it's less efficient. Let's say you can't absorb things quite as well.

36:03 Adam Let's just say fat guy with slow metabolism or less efficient metabolism.

36:08 Drew Well, that's highly efficient, right? I mean, after all.

36:10 Adam Oh, yeah, efficient. I'm sorry. Well, I said slow earlier and less efficient.

36:15 Drew But I mean, let's think about this. Slow means he's very effectively laying down, storing energy.

36:20 Adam Right. The fat, essentially, food is the current and your body is the battery. And fat people get a charge, get a long charge of a small current for a short time.

36:34 Drew So they can store lots more energy. Right.

36:37 Adam We should be praising them instead of making fun of them, but it's too easy.

36:40 Drew Well, if we lived on a desert island, they'd live a lot longer.

36:42 Adam Yeah.

36:42 Drew But here's the thing.

36:43 Adam They look like hell in their bathing suit.

36:44 Drew But what are you going to do? They still wouldn't get it. Okay. The question then becomes, is there some more absorptive efficiency? Some people absorb more nutrients and bulk out of their food.

36:57 Adam Yeah.

36:58 Drew And then also burn it off more than that.

37:00 Adam As opposed to just caloric.

37:02 Drew Yeah.

37:02 Adam You see, for me, the simpleton lay person, it sounds to me, a guy who eats and doesn't poo for six weeks, sounds like he's just burning everything he throws in the stove and there's not that much ash left.

37:17 Drew That's a kind of a way of thinking about it, but I suspect he fills his entire colon. So when you do go, Daniel, is it gigantic?

37:23 Caller Yeah. It comes out in ball shapes between baseball and softball size.

37:31 Drew Oh, wow. No.

37:32 Adam Not, not, not.

37:33 Caller No.

37:34 I'm serious.

37:36 Drew Do you bleed?

37:38 Caller I've only bled once, but it's extremely uncomfortable. I mean, it feels.

37:44 Drew I mean, that's basically the only way you can keep it in like that is when it gets, it gets compacted.

37:47 Caller I'm hip, but yeah, it's very dense.

37:51 Adam And I mean, we're talking about almost the size of an ostrich egg coming out of there. Well, not that big, but I mean, baseball's, you know, it's the size of the opening of this cup, right? And then it's a large orb there.

38:04 Drew Now, so the question then becomes why?

38:08 Adam Yes, why?

38:09 Caller I don't know. This is, it's been like this ever since, I mean, as long as I can remember.

38:16 Drew Why don't you, why don't you, why don't you, did you try to retain your scoot stool when you were a kid? Did you, were you, are you obsessive compulsive?

38:23 Caller Yeah, I mean, I, I'm not exactly sure how it started. I, I just remember kind of not wanting to go, not, not, not wanting, but just feeling like I couldn't.

38:36 Adam All right, Daniel.

38:37 Caller Yeah?

38:37 Adam You need to consult the physician.

38:40 Drew Yeah, you need to get what they call a toilet, what they call this, a bowel, what do they call this when people like are quadriplegic and stuff? A bowel program.

38:48 Adam Yes.

38:49 Drew You need to get a bowel program going where you're taking appropriate amounts of laxatives and depository things to keep things moving along. Not so much because they're not, in fact, not at all because there's a lack of health or you're going to lose your health because the stool stays in your abdomen longer than it should because in fact, it's outside your body.

39:07 Adam You're storing toxins.

39:08 Drew The lumen, the lumen of your colon, the place in which the colon, the stool sits is outside your body.

39:15 Adam It's like a bus depot locker where you just keep toxins.

39:20 Drew However, with time, the ability of the bowel to sort of move stool through will become more and more problematic. You'll start getting anal pathology, hemorrhoids, prolapses kind of stuff.

39:30 Adam You don't want to get up in the morning.

39:31 Drew And that's a disaster as you get older.

39:33 Adam You hit the snooze bar, you can't focus. By the way, the same load of crap, first off, it all works on chicks and gays. That's how it all works. First off, somehow their minds are open to that.

39:44 Drew Strangely, we keep talking about loads of crap here.

39:46 Adam We're open to that, but it's the same people that go to the psychic. You're a creative person, yeah. But the job you have just isn't satisfying you in your creative department. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You ever feel tired in the morning? Yeah. Toxin. You know what I mean? It's the same sort of weak mind. It's a combination between being narcissistic and it's a sort of narcissism-y, stupid, and that's the deadly kind of smash. Not only am I stupid, but I'm thinking about me all the time.

40:24 Drew Let's refine it. Primitive.

40:26 Adam Primitive.

40:26 Drew More than stupid.

40:27 Adam Thank you.

40:28 Drew Let's take a break. All right.

40:29 Adam Let's take a break. When we come back, we'll speak to Maggie. More stool questions. Now, her boyfriend says he's against going down on her.

40:37 Drew Is Adam dating you?

40:38 Adam He gives him a big eye. Drew, how dare you? Maggie?

40:41 Hi.

40:42 Adam He's he's against going down on you sort of fundamentally politically?

40:46 No, no, no, no, no. He's just like completely against it.

40:49 Drew Against it.

40:50 Adam But it's not a cultural thing or a religious thing.

40:53 No, no, it's not a cultural thing.

40:54 Drew So he's against oral sex and against abortion?

40:58 No, no, no. No, I don't know. He was raised in like a conservative Catholic home.

41:04 Drew All right, all right.

41:05 Adam But no problem with receiving oral from you.

41:07 Oh, no, not against that.

41:09 Adam No, no, no.

41:09 Drew How dare you?

41:10 Adam I love that guy. I will take a quick break. Be right back after this.

41:14 Caller Thank you for calling Love Line.

41:16 Your call will be answered in the order.

41:17 Caller It seems interesting.

41:29 Adam Yeah, everybody, Loveline, Adam Lakers, Dr. Drew.

41:34 Drew What do you think people imagine we talk about during that break? Could they in any way conceive of the conversation we just had? No.

41:43 Adam No. There's nothing but fecal talk.

41:46 Drew Yeah. And raucous laughter. Never laughs hard.

41:51 Adam Yeah, we both relived a couple of college or young adult moments. Young adult moments from roommates that no toilet was built that could hold a few of my roommates and Drew had a few of the same kind. All right. Let's talk to Maggie. Maggie?

42:08 Caller Yeah.

42:09 Adam All right. Your boyfriend won't go down on you or rarely goes down on you?

42:13 Caller No, like has never.

42:15 Adam Has never?

42:16 Drew He's got to be behind you there. Put him on the phone.

42:19 No, no, he's not. It's a long-distance relationship, so we only get to see each other like once a month.

42:26 Drew Wow. For a lot of women, that's an important thing.

42:29 Adam Especially when you see him once a month.

42:31 Drew That's the way you have orgasm.

42:33 Yeah, especially because I'm only the third girl he's had sex with, so he doesn't have to jump right into sex. I can't.

42:42 Drew Well, first of all, that's not a function of him just having had three partners. Every male you ever meet will be that way. Secondly-

42:50 No, not every guy. I have some guys who are very good at going down before.

42:55 Drew Yeah, but they consider that starting the clock. Believe me, for him, he just starts the clock in a different way. Right. And if it's the only way you have an orgasm, then just in the interest of fairness and the interest of, and for that matter, if you're going to feel, if this is going to be a long-term relationship for you to be satisfied in it, he's going to have to do this.

43:15 Exactly. Right.

43:16 Drew So it's a deal, it's kind of a deal breaker. It sounds, unless you figure out some other way, but it's sort of a deal breaker, I would think, because it's something you need, you like, and he's unwilling to do it. It's pretty, it's sort of sad, really.

43:27 It is, it is sad, because, I mean, I have no problem going down on him.

43:32 Adam I know, we get that part. You asked him and he said no, or it's just, you can tell he's not into it?

43:38 We've had discussions about it and I'm like, well, you know, have you never done it? And he's like, well, I've done it once and I just, I don't like it.

43:44 Drew Yeah, see, it has nothing to do with the Catholic. Forget the Catholic upbringing and all that stuff. But you find out what it was that was so distasteful to him and maybe there's something you can do to reassure him or make the experience a little different.

43:57 Another thing is like, I'm much more experienced than him. And I think he's just afraid that he won't be like good.

44:03 Adam Well, just tell him to get over it.

44:05 Drew Yeah, sounds like a good one.

44:05 Adam Very convenient.

44:06 Drew Do you get any read on this guy?

44:09 Adam Let me tell you something that guy I've had an ass full of. There's a new man out there. It's not really the metrosexual, it's just a wuss. Yeah. Guys, as I've said, I sit in an office with guys that are 30-something years old and speak freely about their excitement for the new Batman movie and Fantastic Four, awesome, and then that starts a debate over never being able to live up to the comic book version and then that slides into guys sort of boasting they couldn't change their own tire if they were in the middle of the desert they would die and I don't go down on. You know, there used to be a time when there was a little peer pressure with guys where it's a weird thing like I'll give you an example like a lot of guys guys especially have this sort of bravado oftentimes when push comes to shove they don't back it up but they're like hey man I kicked that guy's ass he gives me any trouble you know right there's a new breed of guy that's like I never been a fight in my life and if any guy made a fist I would turn it around which is fine but it's weird to broadcast it you mean you're you're broadcasting your love of comic books and you're broadcasting your cowardice your cowardice and you're broadcasting your inability to you know fix a car punch a guy out or swing a hammer do anything or go down on a chick and it's sort of cool it's like hey when I'm I'm just I'm honest I'm liberated I'm liberated I'm honest I'm telling you I don't want to do this it's weird you should pretend as a guy you should a pretend like you know hold your booze be not back down from a fight see change your tire and D go down on a check even if you can't do any of those things and Lord knows none of us can do all those things but you're not supposed to broadcast that you can't yeah interesting you know what I mean yeah there's a new thing where it's maybe it goes maybe it goes hand-in-hand with women sort of announcing they don't cook they don't sew they don't really yeah that's I don't do much anything but there is sort of a sort of a similar quality that when men isn't well what do you do right as a man what's our plan we're all supposed to meet in the middle somewhere where I can't change a tire and you can't sew a hem and we all just sit here waiting to get eaten by vultures is that your plan Drew is that what you want plan yeah yeah that's you guessed it that's your plan when we come back let's speak to Eden we're gonna visit one more time oh yeah and give her the the kit oh okay it's been on hold yeah waiting for that kid for three bucks worth of condoms and CDs I will take a quick break be right back after this thank you for calling Loveline your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting Call Loveline Call Loveline 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1 Call the one and only Live 105.

47:15 Hey, everybody, it's Dr. Loveline and Adam.

47:17 Adam That's Doc Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Let's see, let me ask you this, Drew.

47:30 Drew Go ahead, ask me this.

47:31 Adam I was, had engineer Chris pull little data on the penny nail length measuring system because I came in here PO'd about the inspector that came to my house today.

47:45 Drew Oh.

47:46 Adam And I was talking to him about eight penny nails versus 16 penny nails.

47:50 Drew Wow.

47:51 Adam Most people don't know what penny is. I don't even really know what penny is. Probably some old English thing.

47:57 Drew Here it is, yes.

47:58 Adam Something, but it's never quite satisfying.

47:59 Drew Can I read it?

48:00 Adam No, you can't read it. My point is, is nails are measured by pennies, not coins, just pennies. Big ones are 16 penny and small ones are 10 penny or four penny or eight penny. The point is, is someone's on the phone called Penny. And I don't believe I've ever had a penny call. I don't remember any pennies calling the show.

48:24 Drew Not a long time.

48:26 Adam Long time. Now maybe, and I don't know, to me it's more just great magnet or maybe a penny calls every other night and I don't remember. But I'm staring at this thing that says, how long is a 16 penny nail spelled the same way? I'm just staring at this penny, penny, penny, penny, penny, penny.

48:41 Drew Then you see Penny's name up there.

48:42 Adam Yes, and I've been sort of pennied out.

48:44 Drew Yeah.

48:44 Adam I got into a big eight penny.

48:46 Drew Penny is a weird word if you repeat it over again too.

48:48 Adam Big, yeah, big eight penny nail argument with a building inspector today, then came in arguing with Drew about their yelling at Drew about pennies and then looking at pennies and I look at the screen, I see Penny from Denver.

49:00 Drew Well, let's dispense with Eden so we can go talk to Penny.

49:03 Adam Okay. But when was the last time?

49:06 Drew I don't know when last penny called. Well, I don't know.

49:08 Adam Has it been two years?

49:11 Drew Less than that, I'd say.

49:12 Adam Less?

49:12 Drew Yeah.

49:14 Adam But not that you remember. You're just assuming. It's not an exotic name. We must have spoken to someone named Penny.

49:19 Drew Exactly. Yes.

49:21 Adam But it may have been two years. Now, I know engineer Chris doesn't listen to the program of Learn From Talking to him a couple of times.

49:26 Drew I think a penny has called.

49:28 Adam Okay.

49:28 Caller And I've been doing the show for a year and a half, so.

49:31 Adam Have you?

49:31 Caller Yeah.

49:32 Adam Well, it feels like 14 years. I mean, it's kind of like I know you.

49:38 Caller Yes.

49:39 Adam She's still there. Still there.

49:41 Caller I'm still here.

49:42 Adam Well, good. You know what? You know, you know what? You're in, by the way, she's been on. We told her hang on so she could win a CD and a condom an hour ago, and she's still there. I'll go ahead and tack it out at 15 pounds on her weight. I know it's cruel, but that's the way life works. Skinny chick, she don't hang out on hold for 50 cents worth of condom. You know what I'm saying? Sorry, sweetie, I'm back now.

50:04 Caller How sweet of you.

50:06 Adam I know I'm an A-hole. Yeah. Oh, you just earned another eight pounds. Oh, now it's 12. Just keep going. Scale's gonna break. We gotta give these things out. You, Penny, I mean Eden. Yeah. Eden, you have won yourself a party pack from Durex, which includes CDs and said don't mention the bands, but I like both these bands. What were they? Huba Stank? What was the other band, Chris? Damn.

50:37 Drew The Killers.

50:38 Adam The Killers.

50:39 Drew Was it The Killers?

50:39 Adam Yes, it was The Killers.

50:40 Drew Killers and Huba Stank.

50:41 Adam Great. Both good bands. Gave you those CDs, also some money. And you could imagine it's a boatload of money because I'm not telling you how much the money is. So just close your eyes and picture somewhere into the millions. And then also some Durex condoms, which you're going to need if you ever pull off this trifecta.

51:00 Caller How many pennies do you think those condoms are?

51:04 Adam They got to be into the hundreds of pennies per. Just earned yourself another three pounds. And anyway, each night I'm going to decide who the best caller is. And Eden, that is you, sweetie pea.

51:16 Caller Well, thank you. I thought the poo guy was more interesting, but I appreciate it.

51:20 Adam He had his moments, but overall you're a more consistent caller.

51:25 Drew And more in need.

51:26 Adam And more in need. I like your style.

51:28 Caller Thanks. Giving to the needy. How sweet.

51:31 Adam That's right. All brought to you by Durax.

51:33 Drew Strangely, they're both from Austin.

51:35 Adam Oh, really? Wow. A lot of range, that city. A lot of range. All brought to you by Durax. There's sex and then there's Durax. All right. So hang on, Eden, and we'll get your information. That stuff will show up in the mail in 27 weeks.

51:48 Drew There you go.

51:49 Adam All right. You ready, Drew?

51:50 Drew Yeah.

51:50 Adam Talk to Penny. Penny?

51:53 Yes.

51:54 Adam You're 16?

51:55 Caller Yes, sir.

51:56 Adam I like Penny.

51:58 Caller Thank you. Yeah. I've only met about two in my entire lifetime.

52:01 Adam I know. It's one of those popular names that I think. I think there's certain names that people use, that playwrights and authors and movie writers, as if they use but no one ever names anyone. So you think there's more of them than there is.

52:14 Drew I know.

52:15 Adam One famous athlete makes it with that name, and so you think there's more.

52:19 Drew All right.

52:20 Adam Go ahead, Penny.

52:21 Caller Okay. Well, here's my dilemma. I had my period about like three and a half weeks ago, and a week or two after my period, my breast, my right breast started lactating.

52:35 Drew Are you on medication?

52:37 Caller I'm on orthotriacyclin.

52:39 Drew And that's it.

52:40 Caller That's it.

52:40 Drew Nothing else. No antibiotics.

52:42 Caller And so this week, I'm supposed to have my period and haven't gotten it yet. And so my boyfriend and I are freaking out that I'm pregnant or something.

52:52 Drew And it, that is of course a common cause of that problem, but you're on the birth control pill and to have lactation so rapidly, like within a couple of weeks of becoming pregnant seems almost impossible to me. The more common things are medication and actually thyroid disease. And some women lactate just from stimulation of the breast and I believe I've heard it even from the birth control pill.

53:15 Caller Really?

53:16 Drew Yeah.

53:17 Caller I had never heard about that and I had definitely never heard of lactating so early or anything.

53:22 Drew What do you mean so early?

53:23 Caller Well, like if I were to be pregnant, I don't want to be pregnant.

53:26 Drew No, yeah. So you do need to see the doctor to get your thyroid checked and very occasionally things like tumors and things, you know, prolactin screen tumors, but very, very, very unusually. So it just needs to be checked out. It's unlikely to be anything. And some women get lactation just from stimulation of the breast.

53:43 Caller Well, that would make sense, you know, he has fun with them a lot.

53:47 Drew 16.

53:48 Caller Yeah, I know. All right.

53:51 Drew You're not listening, are you?

53:52 Adam I'm reading all this penny stuff.

53:53 Drew You're missing something. Your favorite subject.

53:55 Adam She's lactating.

53:56 Drew No. Her boyfriend stimulates, has so much fun with her at 16.

54:01 Adam How large, how, what's your cup size?

54:04 Caller C cup.

54:05 Adam C cup?

54:06 Caller Yeah.

54:07 Caller All right.

54:07 Adam I'm going to get back to my penny article.

54:09 Caller All right.

54:11 Adam All right. You know, but, you know, good times, you know.

54:14 Drew Get checked out, Penny.

54:15 Adam You know, Penny, for what it's worth, I believe everything happens for a reason. Oh, of course. Okay, and there are no straight lines in nature, and dogs are pack animals. Okay. Okay.

54:28 Drew You got it.

54:29 Caller Okay.

54:29 Drew Okay.

54:29 Caller Okay. Okay.

54:30 Adam Okay.

54:30 Drew Okay.

54:31 Adam Okay.

54:32 Caller Okay.

54:33 Adam Okay. All right.

54:35 Drew Nick.

54:36 Adam Nick.

54:37 Caller Yeah.

54:38 Adam What's up, my brother?

54:39 Caller Yeah, well, I was really fast. Anyway, I want to ask Dr. Drew about rapid OPD tox. I'm going in for it on Friday. And why? Why? Because I've been taking between, well, Norcos and Oxy's, 80 milligrams.

54:57 Drew Why don't you go on a regular program? You'll be off drugs in five days. You won't spend the 10 grand. You can spend that time and money on your treatment.

55:04 Adam It was one of those three or those five days.

55:06 Caller Well, I don't know. It sucked. I tried it.

55:09 Drew Oh, you tried it. All right.

55:10 Adam What is, how does the rapid detox work?

55:12 Drew They basically put you into anesthesia, general anesthesia, and they give you an opioid blocking agent, and sort of shock your system into a very, very rapid withdrawal and control everything.

55:22 Adam Now, how long are you under?

55:25 Drew I think it's like five hours.

55:26 Adam That's it?

55:27 Drew Yeah, yeah, it's not long.

55:28 Adam Oh, I always thought it was like a day or something.

55:31 Drew Nick, did they tell you how long you'd be under for?

55:33 Caller Yeah, they said like six to eight hours, and then they said, you know, if you went in on a Thursday, you'd go back to work on Monday or whatever.

55:40 Drew No way.

55:41 Caller No way.

55:42 Drew No way? First of all, you got to get your opiate addiction treated. You're going to go back to using drugs again, or maybe works at a rehab center. 100%.

55:50 Caller Well, don't they give you the implant so you can't even take it if you tried?

55:53 Drew Well, are you going to get the implant?

55:55 Caller Yeah, yeah.

55:56 Adam What is this implant?

55:57 Drew You can put a naltrexone implant in.

56:00 Adam Put it in your shoulder or something?

56:01 Drew Yeah, it's just like Depa?

56:04 Adam No.

56:05 Drew What do you call those things? Oh crap, it's been so long now.

56:09 Caller It does all of it, they don't take it out.

56:10 Drew Yeah, my patients would tear those things out with their teeth if they had to.

56:14 Adam Oh really?

56:15 Drew To get high, oh yeah.

56:16 Adam Norplant.

56:17 Drew Norplant, exactly.

56:18 Adam Well now, who's the doctor?

56:19 Drew But still, Nick, you've got to do some treatment. Eventually that will wear off, you will choose not to use it, whatever. Your disease, it's a chronic disorder of drive in your brain, opiate addiction.

56:30 Adam Let me ask you this, Drew. Let's try to figure this out. All right, riddle me this. You hear about a lot of people getting strung out on Vicodin. You and I get in this argument all the time where you say, well, they're alcoholics or they wouldn't get strung out on it. I say, but some of these people are guys that they make it to 41, they never have a problem with anything and then they get in a car accident, they get on Vicodin, all of a sudden they can't put it down. And you get in this stupid technical argument where that makes them alcoholics, but I'm like, they've been drinking their whole life and never had a problem. So certainly not in what people think of as an alcoholic because it never showed itself.

57:10 Drew It's just a genetic predisposition.

57:12 Adam Which makes it amazing to me and makes me realize how slippery that slope is of the Vicodin and their painkillers. Because for a lot of people, you're one car accident away from just turning the apple cart over. People that are the most...

57:30 Drew Or how about when they're kids and they get exposed to this stuff and it turns this thing on. And now no one realizes that's happened and they can't understand what these kids are doing.

57:37 Adam People have never really had any problems in the past at all. No 502s, no nothing. And all of a sudden, they're strung out two weeks into something.

57:44 Drew Or they stop taking the opiates and all of a sudden the alcohol comes on full force.

57:49 Adam Right.

57:49 Drew Because that's what we need to see more of.

57:50 Adam Well that I haven't even heard too much about.

57:52 Drew But they're still on the opiate. I see that all the time.

57:55 Adam But here's the question, and Nick's a little young, but if you're a person who has managed to make it through a fair part of your adult life without ever getting hooked on anything, booze, whatever, you drink socially, you do whatever, you've tried things, nothing's ever taken, boom, you get in an accident, boom, you're on the Vicodin, six weeks later, you're strung out on Vicodin. Wouldn't that make you a good candidate for this rapid detox?

58:25 Drew If you didn't have a family history of alcohol, it'll make you a reasonable candidate. Yes, it would. And if you had no family history of, well, here's my concern, is that I could get that person off Vicodin in five days, no sweat, no big deal, not a big deal at all.

58:38 Adam So put them in the trunk of your car?

58:39 Drew No, no, in a hospital setting, get them out, it's not a big deal.

58:43 Adam But the hospital's in the trunk?

58:44 Drew No. But the point is, why risk general anesthesia and why spend $10,000? $10,000 if it's a risky thing, unnecessary.

58:52 Adam Is it 10 grand? Well, first off, you say risk general anesthesia. I like general anesthesia.

58:56 Drew I know, but it's a risk, it's always a risk. It's a life-threatening.

58:58 Adam My whole thing is, oh yeah, but you'll die, you'll never know it.

59:00 Drew I understand. Then the other thing is you have no opportunity to get treatment during that time, and Nick erroneously believes that this thing will just take care of it. I'll just get off the drug and I'll be fine, which is not the case.

59:09 Adam Nick, is it 10 grand?

59:11 Caller It's 5,900.

59:12 Adam 5,900. Who's paying for this?

59:14 Caller Yeah, I'm flying to Chicago for it, yeah.

59:17 Adam Plus, you gotta pay for airfare and everything.

59:19 Caller But who?

59:20 Drew Mark my words, Nick, this is a chronic condition. Everyone wishes it to be just about getting off the drug. That's the easiest thing. The hard part is the disorder it causes in your brain when you're off the drug, and that's what needs to be treated.

59:35 Adam Buddy, don't play any seeds. Now, the guy's 21. Isn't that better than being 31 and doing this?

59:40 Caller I mean, I've never had, as far as addiction problems, I've been really good. I don't smoke weed or anything like that. It's just, I got onto this, and you know, I want to get.

59:47 Drew Is there a family history of alcoholism?

59:50 Caller Not really. I mean, I got my dad's a cop, my mom, they divorced, and she takes, she, what the hell, Xanax.

59:58 Drew All right, so here you go.

59:59 Adam Hey, Nick.

1:00:00 Drew Her dad is probably an alcoholic.

1:00:01 Caller No, my dad's actually straight edge.

1:00:03 Drew Her dad, her dad.

1:00:04 Caller Oh yeah, I don't really know her dad.

1:00:05 Adam Yeah, but Drew, you scraping around for this is like a feminist saying, is there anyone in your family ever been raped? Just do a little scraping. Believe me, you'll figure out somebody by your definition. All right, look, you know what you're talking about. I'm not going to argue with you, Nick.

1:00:20 Caller Yeah.

1:00:21 Drew It's okay what he's doing, it's fine.

1:00:22 Adam Who's coming up with the money?

1:00:24 Caller My parents.

1:00:26 Adam Really?

1:00:27 Caller Yeah.

1:00:27 Drew It's fine to try this. I don't have strong objections. It's like, oh my God, it's a horrible thing. It's not a horrible thing. People are struggling with this disorder and trying different things.

1:00:36 Adam Yeah.

1:00:36 Drew The problem is, I guarantee you this won't be the end of the story. Well, there will be behaviors, there will be thought problems, there will be mood disorders, there will be things. You'll be motivated to do things that will not be healthy because of this.

1:00:47 Adam Well, maybe he gets involved with the program after that.

1:00:49 Drew Yes, that's what he needs to do.

1:00:51 Adam You know what, see Drew, you know what it is? It's like you're a nutritionist and a personal trainer, certified personal trainer, and people are talking to you about fad diets and fen-fen. And like, you don't want to hear it. You're like, there's no excuse for good dieting. There's no substitute for good diet and exercise. And people are like, I got my promise in three days. I want to drop 18 pounds. You're absolutely right. Then start doing push-ups and start eating sensibly. And they don't want to hear it. You're right.

1:01:18 Drew But you're right too. You're absolutely right. That's why I couch what I said the way I did, which was we need to struggle with this disease many different ways. These people are struggling with it in the way they're trying to. It may work for him. It may work for some people. I can pretty much guarantee that there will be other issues. But fine, go do that and just keep your eyes open.

1:01:37 Adam Realize your needs more help. Nick, call us back in a couple of years and tell us how it went. You get the rapid detox. They put you under for between six and eight hours to do that opioid blocking stuff. Your body after this period doesn't crave it physically. You don't physically go through the withdrawal. That's it. You're under when you're going through the withdrawal. Now you come out, then they give you this norplant, for lack of a better term, implant.

1:02:08 Drew Which blocks the effect of opiates. If you take them, you don't get high.

1:02:12 Adam How long does that thing last in your system?

1:02:14 Drew Depends what they put in. Ask them.

1:02:15 Adam You can put bigger. Basically, now if you F up, it ain't going to work.

1:02:20 Drew Ain't going to work, but you can do lots of other things. You can drink, you can do stimulants.

1:02:24 Adam How long does that implant keep you from getting high?

1:02:28 Caller Well, they didn't tell me how long, but they said they could give it to me to take orally if I wanted. I have a doctor giving me my...

1:02:35 Drew Do not... The oral, obviously, if you wanted to get high, you'd stop the oral.

1:02:40 Caller Right.

1:02:40 Caller I really want to. I mean, it's like...

1:02:43 Caller All right.

1:02:43 Adam I'm definitely scared about it.

1:02:45 Caller And I'm also on a Lamectal, so to help pull it off. Uh-oh.

1:02:48 Drew Are you bipolar?

1:02:50 Caller Mildly.

1:02:51 Drew Lamectal is a very powerful mood stabilizer. It's not for mild bipolar.

1:02:55 Adam All right, Nick. Godspeed. Good luck to you. And again, you know, I believe everything happens for a reason.

1:03:02 Drew But you're right, Adam. That's particularly when it comes to human behavior and the brain mechanisms, people, you know, have concepts. If you get too grounded in your sort of point of view, you might miss things that could really help people. Wow, true. Absolutely.

1:03:15 Adam Takes a big, well first off, let me tell you, takes a big man to admit when the Ace man's right.

1:03:19 Drew Well.

1:03:20 Adam Big, big.

1:03:21 Drew As you believe, so do I.

1:03:22 Adam Big man.

1:03:23 Drew Everything happens for a reason.

1:03:25 Adam Derek?

1:03:27 Caller Hello?

1:03:28 Adam Derek?

1:03:29 Caller Hello?

1:03:30 Adam Time to play a little Germany or Florida? Yeah. All right.

1:03:34 Germany of Florida. Germany of Florida.

1:03:48 Adam Fantabulous. Go ahead, Derek.

1:03:50 Caller All right. A man and his wife were staying in a hotel. They smelled a really horrible smell and they complained to the staff, but nothing was done. After three days, they went looking. They then, when they were looking, they went to a closet and they found a fake wall where a dead body was in the advanced vision of decomposition. Around it was much and a multitude of porn. They then called the police who came to the hotel and no one has yet to find the criminal.

1:04:16 Adam Around the decomposing body was a multitude of porn?

1:04:20 Caller Yeah.

1:04:23 Adam The body was buried in a wall?

1:04:26 Caller Yeah, like a fake wall.

1:04:29 Drew How did they open that up?

1:04:31 Caller I don't know. It didn't say.

1:04:33 Adam Yeah.

1:04:34 Drew I'm feeling like, and Derek wrote this himself.

1:04:37 Adam Yeah, this, this, this, and, and, and, and, and you see, I don't believe that any, first off, if you smelled, if there was a corpse that was rotting and you walked into the room, you would immediately know where it was coming from. You would just walk right to the closet and put your nose in there. It would be overwhelming when you open the closet door.

1:04:55 Drew Now that you'd walk back out and not take that room, no matter what.

1:04:59 Adam After three days. All right. I'm just going to go by the horrible wording.

1:05:06 Drew Germany.

1:05:06 Adam Of Germany, because it was a bad translation.

1:05:09 Drew And death and porn go together in Germany.

1:05:11 Adam Yeah, but, but saying the multitude of porn, a multitude of porn.

1:05:15 Drew Something's lost in the translation.

1:05:16 Adam Yeah, we're going Germany, Derek.

1:05:19 Caller All right, yeah, you guys are right.

1:05:20 Adam Thank you.

1:05:21 Drew It's getting too easy.

1:05:23 Adam And we've had quite a string of Germany, slightly.

1:05:25 Drew Yes.

1:05:26 Adam Or at least I've gone Germany more than ever. You know?

1:05:30 Drew I was just thinking I had a hankering for Ranchero music the other day.

1:05:33 Adam Yeah. Oh yeah. We got to get back to Ace's Mexican Ranchero accordion countdown. We got to get. No, no, no, no, no. When's Michelle coming in here? When's the engineer Michelle coming in here? She's coming in tomorrow. Tomorrow? All right. Make a mental note. Ranchero countdown time.

1:05:52 Robert?

1:05:53 Caller Yes.

1:05:54 Adam You're 15? Yes?

1:05:57 Caller Yes.

1:05:58 Adam Okay.

1:05:59 Drew What's your question?

1:06:00 Yes. I was wondering about like the average sperm like ejaculation during ejaculation, you know?

1:06:07 Drew How much? How much sperm or how much volume of semen?

1:06:11 Well, semen.

1:06:12 Adam Pretty much. He means overall. About a quart. About a quart. A little less than a quart. But more in a pint.

1:06:21 Okay. All right. I have like a second part to my question.

1:06:26 Drew Yeah.

1:06:27 Like during puberty and stuff, what's like the average penal growth? Like is there like people who like start later or like do people start earlier and stuff? Like how does that whole system work?

1:06:36 Drew Here's the deal, Robert.

1:06:37 Adam It should grow an inch a year starting at 13 and stopping in your mid to later 20s, like 27.

1:06:44 Drew The average amount of semen is less than a teaspoon. About a teaspoon.

1:06:48 Adam But you use a tablespoon so you get it all.

1:06:51 Drew Yeah. Of course. You don't want to spill any. Yeah. The growth of the penis can be all over the place. It could start even at 17 or 18 and some men.

1:06:59 Adam You mean when it makes its move?

1:07:01 Drew When it makes its move. It can routinely go all the way till 21. All right.

1:07:06 Yeah. Okay. What's the average for like a male?

1:07:09 Drew Average length. 85% of men are between 5 and 7.

1:07:13 Adam 5 and 7. I thought it was, oh yeah, that's right. Four small, seven.

1:07:18 Drew Seven, eight, seven.

1:07:18 Adam Over seven is big. Drew, a man of, a well-endowed man of passion. And Robert.

1:07:25 Caller Yes.

1:07:26 Adam I'm going to go way, way out on a limb here and say you're a virgin.

1:07:31 Caller Yes.

1:07:32 Adam All right.

1:07:32 Drew How, how did, how did you guess?

1:07:35 Adam Well, believe it or not, thanks for calling. Here's the thing that I keep trying to explain to everybody from doing this radio show is everyone sounds like basically what they are.

1:07:45 Drew Well, just the way they look like, basically what they are, they sound like it. Even more vividly sound.

1:07:49 Adam More vividly.

1:07:50 Drew Yeah.

1:07:50 Adam Because once in a while.

1:07:52 Drew You can hide it.

1:07:53 Adam You can hide it. Or somebody's just born into a great set of bones or a horrible set of bones and you sort of do a little visual judging based on it. But, you know, I'll give you for instance, there's guys that just look tough.

1:08:08 Drew Yeah.

1:08:09 Adam Who aren't really that tough. They just look tough. The shape, it's that nose that looks like it's been broken.

1:08:15 Drew Yes.

1:08:15 Adam It's sort of cleft in the chin.

1:08:17 Drew Yes.

1:08:17 Adam They're big hairy forearms. They just look like they're ready to kick in his ass. It doesn't make a make a...

1:08:21 Drew Make it be that way or not?

1:08:22 Adam Or not.

1:08:23 Drew Yeah.

1:08:24 Adam It doesn't, doesn't seem to make a difference.

1:08:26 Drew Agreed.

1:08:26 Adam You know what I mean? All right. Let's take ourselves a quick break. When we come back, we'll speak to Emily. Sixteen boyfriend used to get back at her ex, used her to get back at the ex, been locked up, locked up for two... Hold on. Let me talk to her for a second. Emily?

1:08:46 Caller Yeah?

1:08:47 Adam What's going on?

1:08:50 Caller My boyfriend's probably listening to us right now because he's in a drug lockdown, drug rehab center over at Park Place.

1:08:57 Adam Oh, Park Place. All right. Pretty pricey real estate over there, Park Place. Yeah.

1:09:03 Caller And he's been locked up, I think, twice when we were together, and like, I think around five times all together.

1:09:10 Drew For chemical dependency? For addiction?

1:09:15 Caller Well, he's in there for... because he's bipolar, he has anger management, and partially because of the drugs.

1:09:21 Adam You got to stand by his side, Emily. You can never let this man go. You must hold on to him with two hands and have many, many children.

1:09:30 Drew What's the question?

1:09:32 Caller My question is if I should stay with him, because he's put me, like, through hell and back again, through hell and back again, over and over again.

1:09:38 Drew And so why would you stay with him?

1:09:42 Caller I honestly... it's because I've worked so hard with him so far, that it just seems kind of like a loss to just...

1:09:48 Drew Yeah, there we go again. And she's 16, she's so old now.

1:09:51 Adam They have so much invested, so much invested. You'll be 17 in nine months. So much invested in this guy.

1:09:57 Drew What's she gonna do? She'll be alone the rest of her life.

1:09:59 Adam Spinstress. Emily, are you high? Are you as high as he is?

1:10:06 Caller You know, I don't...

1:10:07 Drew You're a heroin addict. You have one choice. You can go to Al-Anon and get a sponsor and work your own program and stay in this thing or get out.

1:10:16 Adam How old is this guy?

1:10:18 Caller He's 16.

1:10:19 Drew Beautiful.

1:10:20 Adam In a way, I was ready for him to be 22 and be disgusted, but this at 16 means he's got a long journey ahead of him and he's going to take you with him.

1:10:30 Caller I haven't done any drugs whatsoever and I keep telling them that I don't like it. I think it's disgusting.

1:10:36 Drew Okay, done. Done and done.

1:10:38 Adam Well, you keep telling them you think it's disgusting. That should work.

1:10:40 Drew I will say it again. You can go to Al-Anon and get a sponsor or you got to end this.

1:10:44 Adam Where's your dad?

1:10:46 Caller My dad's in California. They've been divorced since I was, I think, one.

1:10:53 Where's my bourbon?

1:10:54 Adam Your dad moved to California?

1:10:56 Caller Yeah.

1:10:57 Adam And how often do you see him?

1:11:00 Caller I don't want to see him.

1:11:01 Adam Why?

1:11:02 Caller Because I hate him.

1:11:04 Adam Hannah, but why do you hate him?

1:11:06 Caller He was my mom, like hundreds of thousands of dollars in child support. And he, like, totally abused her from her kids.

1:11:17 Adam Oh, he was physically or sexually abusive?

1:11:21 Caller Both.

1:11:22 Adam Thank God he's out here in California now.

1:11:24 Drew Well, thank God you picked another guy just like him. That's great, Emily. Well done.

1:11:27 Adam Yeah.

1:11:28 Drew You found a guy just like your old dad.

1:11:31 Adam All right. So, Emily, seriously, what's the plan? Crap out a kid with this idiot, have him take off to California, and then you'll have a daughter who doesn't know his dad?

1:11:39 Drew Are you sure your dad's not in Florida?

1:11:43 Caller Yeah, he's in California.

1:11:44 Adam He didn't come out to Florida first and then go to California, or he didn't come out to California and planning on going to Florida?

1:11:51 Caller No, he's been in California.

1:11:54 Adam What's he do? Publicist?

1:11:58 Caller He has his own company or something like that.

1:12:01 Drew Fascinating.

1:12:01 Adam All right. So you hate men and now you found a horrible guy. All right, dump this guy.

1:12:09 Drew Well, you should. She loves fixing men.

1:12:11 Adam You love projects. You're 16, baby. You sound like you're 68. How about you just find yourself a regular 17-year-old guy who's in high school, wears a letterman jacket and wants to go take the SATs and go to college? Why don't you just be a 16-year-old?

1:12:26 Drew Here we go.

1:12:26 Adam I know you can't be a 16-year-old because your dad made you into an adult when he started abusing you at 14 months, but you can recapture your childhood. See, by the way, one year difference between the guy we were talking to before this, and who knows, maybe it's three months difference between the virgin guy, I want to know if he was going to drown in his own semen the first time he beats off, and then Emily over here seems like a nurse from Vietnam. Oh, you want to know what you can hear in people's voices?

1:13:02 Drew There you go.

1:13:04 Adam All right, dump it. Just look, look everybody. I know we got to take a break, but here's my thing, Drew, stop me if I'm wrong. If you're married to someone and you have three kids, and they get strung out on something, and it's your job to stand by them and do what you can, even that has its limits.

1:13:20 Drew That's right.

1:13:20 Adam But see them through rehab the first couple of times, eventually get to your breaking point. At 16, forget it. These guys are rental cars. You're gone. They F up, you're gone. Fine, move on. Rent a Rex. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:13:40 Caller Love Line will be right back, so get your problems ready, ready, ready.

1:13:45 Adam Ready for something new? Try Durex Tingling Condoms. Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. The one thing that's really come of this show over the last 10 years for me is I've managed to convince Drew that he's miserable.

1:14:23 Drew Yeah.

1:14:23 Adam And now he walks around angry.

1:14:25 Drew Yeah.

1:14:26 Adam Which I-

1:14:27 Drew No, no, not that I'm-

1:14:28 Adam You mean my work is done?

1:14:29 Drew That I should be miserable.

1:14:31 Adam You should be angry.

1:14:32 Drew I should be angry. I should be outraged. Outraged. I should be outraged. I should be miserable.

1:14:36 Adam Drew and I-

1:14:37 Drew Now, it happened about a month ago. I really start- you heard me complain a little bit a couple of months ago. Sure.

1:14:42 Adam But Drew and I just got back from the vending machine. Where Drew had a tantrum because all they had was Raisinets but no Goobers. And I delivered a very passionate speech to Drew about why Goobers are a thousand times better than these god-awful Raisinets. But Raisinets are the ones you find everywhere and there's no Goobers anymore.

1:15:03 Drew I will remind you, I was the one that set the table for your rampage.

1:15:06 Adam Absolutely.

1:15:08 Drew That's what you were pleased with.

1:15:09 Adam No, you set the table. I merely poured the wine.

1:15:12 Drew That's right.

1:15:13 Adam Yeah. Here's the deal. Goobers are peanuts covered in chocolate, which are eight to ten times better than raisins covered in chocolate. Raisins covered in chocolate is a candy cop-out. It's fine. There's nothing wrong with it. But it's what you eat.

1:15:29 Drew Who needs it?

1:15:30 Adam Who needs it? Here's the thing.

1:15:32 Drew Just ate a bag of them, by the way. Who needs it? We decided that-

1:15:35 Adam Drew Keester to sack and a half of these in 10 seconds. But the point is, here's how you know it's a bad thing to cover in chocolate. When if you remove the thing that got covered, it would be a little better.

1:15:47 Drew Yeah.

1:15:47 Adam That means it's a bad thing to cover. Right. You see, when you take a peanut and you cover it in chocolate-

1:15:52 Drew It's way better.

1:15:53 Adam It's way better. When you take a raisinette, if you remove the raisin, it would actually be better if they're just little pieces of chocolate.

1:15:58 Drew Right. You're basically just eating it to taste the chocolate. That's it, with a little sugar attached.

1:16:02 Adam You have to get- It's a-

1:16:03 Drew A little consistency.

1:16:04 Adam Yes. It's a substrate to hold the chocolate.

1:16:07 Drew That's right.

1:16:07 Adam It's a binder.

1:16:08 Drew The reason that the raisinettes have outstripped the goober is purely and simply the name that rolls off the tongue.

1:16:13 Adam That's what we came up with.

1:16:14 Drew It's such a clever, cute name.

1:16:15 Adam Drew's a man of science. I'm a man who watches the History Channel. And what we came up with is raisinette is such a superior name to the goober that that's why it caught on.

1:16:28 Drew And if they really- If Nestle had a-

1:16:31 Adam Ounce of brains in their-

1:16:32 Drew They would switch the goober name.

1:16:35 Adam And I say that because they're a chocolate company.

1:16:36 Drew Yes, of course. Literally. Literally fudge backing.

1:16:39 Adam Literally work on the- Well, fudge backing. The Nestle Highway.

1:16:42 Drew Literally.

1:16:42 Adam Literally.

1:16:43 Drew And they should just call goobers chocolate peanuts. Chocolate nuts.

1:16:48 Adam It is a better name than goober.

1:16:49 Drew Choc nuts.

1:16:50 Adam Goober seems like you're eating a retarded kid. Yeah. It's a horrible name.

1:16:54 Drew Yeah.

1:16:54 Adam Now, I'm going to be prepared to be outraged for a second when I turn to engineer Chris. Engineer Chris. Yee-yee.

1:17:00 Drew What's up?

1:17:01 Adam What do you prefer, goobers or raisinettes?

1:17:03 Drew You've never had goobers. No, I've had goobers.

1:17:06 Caller I like goobers because I don't know, I'm just not keen on the raisinettes.

1:17:09 Adam Really? You're not just saying that so I don't dive over the console and strangle the life out of you? No. Raisinette, it's weird. It's chewy. It's unsatisfying. Yeah.

1:17:19 Caller I'm not one for raisins all that much, too. Yeah.

1:17:22 Adam Do people even like raisins? Raisins? Yeah. By the way, this country is producing more raisins than it can use because they're constantly trying to shove it up the ass of the consumer. Hey, we got raisins in the cereal. We're like, I don't really.

1:17:35 No, we got two scoops.

1:17:38 Adam I didn't want the one.

1:17:39 We got them.

1:17:40 Adam Mixing in with the trail mix. Hey, we got raisins. How about we just do the. How about we do the smoked almonds, the cashews and no raisins. We got raisins. I think there's a raisin conspiracy. I think they're foisting raisins on us and we don't want raisins.

1:17:57 Drew It's your worst nightmare. Raisin has a good publicist.

1:18:01 Adam Something that I don't like is popular and I can't stand that. You ever hear anyone talking about raisins?

1:18:08 Drew Well, not since I heard it on the grapevine.

1:18:10 Adam Right. Not since that clay mated cartoon from the 80s. You ever hear anyone say this?

1:18:15 Drew It was before.

1:18:16 Adam No, it's from probably mid 80s. Does anyone ever say like, man, I could go for some raisins?

1:18:22 Drew Yeah, tonight.

1:18:24 Adam Raisins.

1:18:25 Drew No.

1:18:25 Adam I have a hankering for raisins.

1:18:27 Drew No.

1:18:28 Adam I miss raisins. Does anyone say, you know what this dinner is missing? Raisins. But yet we eat hundreds and thousands of them every year. There's something going on.

1:18:41 Drew Good publicist.

1:18:41 Adam Yeah. And some of the crappiest food in the world, that like Egyptian food, tons of raisins mixed in. Let me do that. It's awesome. Oh yeah. No, no, it's great. Eat it with your hands. It's a rice. It's got raisins. It's like, man, can't just get some pioneer chicken or something. Yeah.

1:19:00 Drew You know what's better than that? That never gets deployed, dried figs.

1:19:05 Adam Dried figs.

1:19:06 Drew What? He needs a publicist.

1:19:08 Adam Got to get a publicist. But I'll tell you what is a solid raisin. Doesn't get consumed nearly as much. The golden raisin.

1:19:17 Drew Oh yeah.

1:19:17 Adam That's a good raisin.

1:19:18 Drew OK, as raisins go.

1:19:20 Adam It's the top of the raisin family.

1:19:21 Drew Take a date any day with it.

1:19:23 Adam It'll never be a date. It'll never be a peanut. In its wildest dreams, it's a dried apricot.

1:19:29 Drew That's right.

1:19:29 Adam I mean, in its fantasies. And its drug-induced raisin fantasies. It's not a dried apricot, but it's still better than its darker cousin.

1:19:37 Drew And how dare you?

1:19:38 Adam Well, it's not a racist thing. It's just a matter of fact. Bobby?

1:19:43 Drew Yeah.

1:19:43 Adam Goobers or raisinettes?

1:19:46 Goobers or raisinettes. I'd have to go with probably goobers.

1:19:49 Drew Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The informal poll we're doing here confirms every belief we've had.

1:19:53 Adam We already have two geniuses who are casting the vote for goobers. Go ahead, Bobby.

1:20:01 Okay. What I need to ask you guys is, about five months ago, one of my old roommates partied and I hooked up with this girl who was just kind of a one night stand, where we'd go, slightly tipsy, but everything was okay, you know. And then that was it. And then my old roommate, that was about five months ago, recently told me that she's pregnant and she thinks that it's mine. And I'm in a bit of a conundrum because on the one hand, I want to be a good father to her. I mean, you know, if it is definitely mine, but then I haven't actually seen this girl. He just told me this actually yesterday. But on the other hand, I've been seeing this girl for the last two months and we're steadily building to a good relationship. So it's like...

1:20:47 Adam You've been seeing a new girl.

1:20:53 Yeah, we've been seeing each other for about a couple of months and it feels like it has the momentum for a good relationship.

1:20:59 Drew Here's the deal. Why should you stop the trajectory of this relationship because of this pregnancy? They're unrelated phenomena. They may overlap at some point. She may have feelings about the fact that you have a child, if in fact you have one. But keep going in your relationship, let that build out, find out what's going on with this pregnancy, if it indeed turns out to be yours. Obviously, you have to tell your current relationship. But there's a long distance between where you are now and finding out whether or not this is in fact your child.

1:21:31 Caller Those are really good points. But what I'm wondering about is, if it is my child, should I give a relationship a shot instead with the girl who we got pregnant with?

1:21:44 Drew Because... Wait, but consistently here you talk about her as though she is not in the equation. It's what you want to do with her and with her child. She may not want you in that child's life. She may not want you in it as a relationship.

1:21:57 Adam Well, all right, hold on a second. There's a bad line.

1:22:00 Drew You may have to send some money, but she may not want you in that child's life.

1:22:03 Adam I have a couple of things to say. First off, you know, in the song, Goobers Raisinets, chocolate cover trees, raisinets and goobers, lots of fun tea. It starts with goobers.

1:22:15 Drew Yeah, of course.

1:22:17 Adam Engineer Chris, get on the computer and find out how many goobers are sold as opposed to raisinets every year.

1:22:24 Drew Just look up Nestle and Sales.

1:22:25 Adam Nestle and Sales. All right, now, what was Bobby's question? No, here's the thing. I don't know what you do here because we're always encouraging guys to be involved with their children, but this is a situation where it's technically his kid, obviously.

1:22:41 Drew But that's a technicality only, really.

1:22:43 Adam So here's, I don't know what your view on this is, Drew. I'll tell you mine and we'll see if they coincide, which is I feel like you should be in or you should be out.

1:22:54 Drew Absolutely.

1:22:55 Adam And I feel like if you're not going to be around, and this was a one-night stand and you're not attracted to this girl.

1:23:01 Drew She doesn't want him.

1:23:02 Adam All you should ever get is all this kid should know you buy is a check. Just check shows up in the mail with 800 bucks.

1:23:10 Drew And it's from your emeritus, at the war memorial they had set up for you.

1:23:17 Adam Right.

1:23:17 Drew You were so here, you were so war hero.

1:23:19 Adam War hero.

1:23:20 Drew And the money comes in from the organization that's there to commemorate you.

1:23:25 Adam And the kid shouldn't start looking for you at 18. And I don't think you should start looking for the kid. It's just, it's a biological event that you were a part of, but you have no other part in it other than that. That's the way I feel. And I-

1:23:42 Drew Now if you're in, we're in favor of that too though.

1:23:46 Adam Right, so here's what I think it is. I think this is like when you're going out into the surf and the water's rough. You either need to be standing on the shore or you need to swim out to a buoy. If you stay in the middle, you just get pummeled. If you try to see the kid every other week and send him teddy bears, the kid's gonna get pummeled in the whitewash. All right, Bobby?

1:24:12 Caller Yes.

1:24:14 Caller Heard all that? Yeah, I think so. I mean, what you guys are saying, I'm definitely following you. I actually hadn't thought of the complete hole in or out because I was thinking it's better to be involved even if it is some way.

1:24:28 Adam No, I don't think so. I think it's a little selfish. I do. I mean, look, I don't know who the expert is in this field, and I don't know if there's a right or wrong. I can tell you, here's the best-case scenario. You stay out and this chick meets up with a new guy when the kid's six months old and he stays around for the next 40 years, and that's daddy to her or to him. Or you guys get together, somehow fall in love, and you're there.

1:25:00 Drew Well, that's his question. And I think you're going to have to maybe just to settle your own sort of mind about this, have a meeting with the girl that's pregnant, and sit down and see what her wishes are, see if there's any possibility of you guys working something out. If you want to go all the way in with it, fantastic. It's certainly a more, it's a higher ground to be on. I mean, in the eyes of God, everything happens for a reason.

1:25:23 Adam That's what I believe.

1:25:24 Drew But if you're out, stay out, believe everything in your relationship, that's fine.

1:25:28 Adam You don't think there's a God, Drew, had all this get here? Yeah. Okay. Touché. Talk about scientific arguments. Whoo, dear Trump, checkmate. How'd all this get here? Come on, wise guy, how?

1:25:43 Drew Weisenheimer.

1:25:44 Caller Who invented it?

1:25:45 Adam Uh-huh. Yeah, no answer for who invented the earth.

1:25:48 Drew There are these arguments that go, if it has to be a rational mind, did it? And it's like, really? How about if it was a God, but it was some wayward God that had some experiment that went completely wrong? And that's the world we've got here. I mean, all the horrible things that happened.

1:26:01 Adam Yeah. But this guy came up with, you know, this guy came up with Claudia Schiffer, Jellyfish and Cancer.

1:26:10 Drew And by the way, and then people go, well, look at the Taj Mahal. It took the mind of man to create that. Yeah, but about 40,000 minds of man. So maybe there's 40,000 gods that created this. Why a single?

1:26:22 Adam True place.

1:26:23 Drew No, but I mean, the logic behind it.

1:26:24 Adam I'll see you in hell. Hopefully, we can get an ISDN line down there when we keep doing the show.

1:26:29 Drew Let's take a break.

1:26:31 Adam All right, John.

1:26:32 Caller Yeah.

1:26:32 Adam Goobers or Raisinets?

1:26:34 Caller Definitely, I'd have to go with Goobers.

1:26:36 Drew Yeah.

1:26:37 Adam All right. Now, you're not just saying that to appease this radio god?

1:26:41 Caller No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm a Goober man all the way.

1:26:43 Drew Yeah.

1:26:44 Adam All right. Then why?

1:26:45 Drew I have sales.

1:26:48 Caller I there's no sales on.

1:26:49 Adam All right, Drew, get on that. I will if I. I have a I have a theory that the majority isn't accounted for or spoken for in many situations.

1:27:00 Drew Of course. Of course.

1:27:02 Adam And this leads right to vending machines.

1:27:04 Drew And television.

1:27:05 Adam And television and many, many other things. Yes.

1:27:09 Drew Yes.

1:27:09 Adam All right. Let's look into this, Drew. Let's go. Let's break it down. Let's break it down. Let's go now. Take a quick break. Be right back after this.

1:27:17 Caller 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1.

1:27:19 Caller Loveline. Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

1:27:26 Caller The one and only Live 105.

1:27:35 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Drew, just on the computer, trying to figure out Goobers' sales versus Raisinette's sales. Drew found out through the computer that Milk Duds' sales outpaced Goobers' sales at the premiere of Road to Perdition about four years back.

1:28:03 Drew There's important info out there on the web.

1:28:05 Adam I'll tell you next time. We'll settle some bar bets. Put that in your hip pocket. But so far, no answer to which sells more. I'm guessing Raisinette's outsell Goobers because even Drew, who loves Goobers over Raisinette's, has eaten nothing but Raisinette's because that's the only thing that's offending me. Yes.

1:28:28 Caller All right.

1:28:29 Adam Bad name. Joyce?

1:28:31 Caller Yeah.

1:28:32 Adam You're 24?

1:28:34 Caller Yes.

1:28:35 Adam Damn. Hold on a second. Drew and I were talking about this the other night on the ride home. I do attribute the success of many things to the name.

1:28:44 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:28:45 Adam Raisinette's far superior name than Goobers.

1:28:47 Drew Yes.

1:28:48 Adam And I also-

1:28:49 Drew Lesser product, better name.

1:28:50 Adam I attribute Lindsay Lohan's success in part to her name.

1:28:54 Drew Yes.

1:28:54 Adam Easy to remember. Alliteration.

1:28:56 Drew Yes.

1:28:56 Adam Flows a little bit. Yes?

1:28:58 Drew Yes. People are primitive. They respond to stuff.

1:29:01 Adam Yeah. As opposed to Jake Gyllenhaal. Barely gets any press.

1:29:06 Drew Right.

1:29:07 Adam Tough name. Good actor. Tough name. Joyce?

1:29:12 Caller Yeah.

1:29:13 Adam 24?

1:29:14 Caller Yeah.

1:29:15 Adam What happened, baby?

1:29:16 Drew What's up?

1:29:17 Caller I was wondering, like, one of my lips are bigger than the other side, more pulled out, stretched out.

1:29:25 Drew Vaginal lips we're talking about, right?

1:29:27 Caller Yeah.

1:29:28 Adam Have you ever, anyone ever commented on it?

1:29:31 Caller No, but I was wondering about it, because I think it's like, it's weird and it's ugly.

1:29:37 Adam What do you like better, Goobers or Raisinettes?

1:29:40 Caller I like them both.

1:29:41 Drew Both equally.

1:29:42 Adam No, that can't be.

1:29:44 Caller Mixed together, not both equally, but they taste better together.

1:29:47 Drew Wow.

1:29:48 Adam You take a pack of Goobers, a pack of Raisinettes, you mix them together.

1:29:52 Caller Yeah.

1:29:53 Adam A suicide.

1:29:54 Caller Like freaky candy.

1:29:56 Adam No, that's a good idea.

1:29:57 Drew I've never heard of it. It occurred to me.

1:29:59 Adam We'll see, Drew, you got to start thinking outside the box, outside the Goober box.

1:30:03 Drew Yes.

1:30:04 Adam I also like Goobers because they come in a box.

1:30:05 Drew So I was raising that stuff.

1:30:07 Adam Well, I thought they came in a sack.

1:30:08 Drew Well, in the theater, they come in a little box.

1:30:10 Adam Okay. Joyce.

1:30:13 Drew Yes.

1:30:13 Adam Here's the thing. They have surgeries to correct this.

1:30:16 Drew Yeah, there is. In fact, some laser procedures that are quite what I would call elegant. So you look into it.

1:30:22 Caller Will I still have the filling?

1:30:23 Drew Absolutely. It doesn't affect anything. Most of these vaginal laser reconstructions are for things related to what happens after delivering babies. Have you had a baby?

1:30:34 Caller No.

1:30:35 Drew No. But they can do just for cosmetic reasons, too. It's a very simple procedure, really.

1:30:38 Adam But here's the other thing, too, everybody. There are things in life about, there's things about you that bother you that don't bother anyone else. And that's all you should care about.

1:30:49 Drew And yet, though, I got to tell you, I talked to some of these women for the Discovery Health, by the way, please watch Discovery Health channel. If you're watching this, listening to us on Wednesday night, check in at the end of Loveline Discovery Health channel, Strictly Sex with Dr. Drew. And I talked to a woman, in fact, maybe one of the upcoming shows about this procedure. And it's an interesting thing that happens. If women don't feel sexy, if they don't like how they look down there, then there'll be no sex, which is an interesting thing. It's why they wear lingerie, because for them, if they, and by the way, the husbands, I interviewed several of the husbands, too, and they were like, honey, it looks fine, it's no big deal. Now you're completely out, because not only do I not feel sexy, not like how I look, you don't understand me. Now forget it.

1:31:29 Adam Or you're lying just to get sex.

1:31:31 Drew No, no, they just go, now I feel not understood, now I'm really pissed, now I forget it, forget it. So there is something to this, Joyce, if you need to do it, okay.

1:31:40 Adam All right, and here's the thing about everybody, everyone is so worried about, you know, we live in this horrible society where everyone is like, you have to do it for you, do it for yourself, don't do it for, I don't know what kind of message this is to send, where like on one, the one message is donate your time, go out, go to the orphanage, help the kids, teach them to read, and then the other part is do it for you, don't do it for anybody, do it for you. It's a weird, duplicitous message, which is help others, do it, give till it hurts, and then do, but don't do anything unless you do it for you. You shouldn't be doing anything for you that has to do with the physical stuff. You should only worry about, here's, here's-

1:32:21 Drew That's a male point of view.

1:32:23 Adam I know, but women, well, but listen-

1:32:24 Drew They do it for other women.

1:32:25 Adam Women are just dumb males.

1:32:26 Drew They do it for other women.

1:32:26 Adam That's really the way to look at them.

1:32:27 Drew They do it for other women.

1:32:28 Adam I know, here's the thing, I would like, if I looked in the mirror and saw an octopus looking back at me, I would be fine, as long as chicks-

1:32:39 Drew You can still have sex.

1:32:43 Adam Yes, as long as chicks saw Brad Pitt, but I looked in the mirror and I saw an octopus, fine. Tentacles flying everywhere, half a fish hanging out my beak.

1:32:58 Drew Squirting ink all over the place.

1:33:01 Adam I think squid shoot ink and octopi don't.

1:33:03 Drew Octopi do.

1:33:04 Adam They do.

1:33:05 Drew Oh, yes.

1:33:05 Adam Do they both shoot ink?

1:33:06 Drew Yes, they both do.

1:33:08 Adam Okay. Let's get back and learn more about Goobers. We'll be back after this. I think it's a mentality. Hey, everybody. Big Phil's off the show.

1:33:54 Drew Very interesting night. Lots of flops.

1:33:55 Adam Drew and I, this whole goober, raisinettes.

1:33:58 Drew I mean, we went from poo to goobers and raisinettes to the evolutionary of the human palate.

1:34:03 Adam Yeah.

1:34:04 Drew Whoa!

1:34:05 Adam We're gonna start off tonight with Cabbage Patch Kids. And see where that leads us.

1:34:11 Drew What are those, the animals that have sex, the fluffies for furbies? Furries.

1:34:16 Adam Anderson knows, believe me, he beats off to a couple of hours of the video every night.

1:34:21 Caller Oh my God!

1:34:22 Caller Hold the phones!

1:34:23 Caller I can't believe that!

1:34:24 Drew We need those guys back. All right.

1:34:26 Adam Yeah.

1:34:26 Drew ICP.

1:34:27 Adam Yeah. Oh, that's who that was.

1:34:28 Drew Yeah.

1:34:29 Adam Oh, okay. Cause I, I thought that was Coldplay. No. Okay. We'll take a break. Anderson, call me tomorrow. I got money for you, buddy. And until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew, saying mahalo. It happens for a reason. Of course. Okay. And there are no straight lines in nature and dogs are pack animals. Okay. Okay.

1:34:54 Caller This has been Loveline, Loveline.

1:34:59 Caller The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, June 21, 2005