Episode 1000711056255

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

1:13 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:17 Voiceover With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Adam Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Paul Johansson is here tonight from One Tree Hill, which is Tuesday night, it's nine o'clock on the dubba dubba dubba dubba dubby of B.

1:39 Drew That's now ancient history.

1:40 Adam I know, I told them it was going to be ancient history nine years ago, but they wouldn't listen to me.

1:45 Drew No, just say it, Adam, just say it.

1:48 Adam I saw Paul's billboard at the top of Barham tonight. Yes, staring right by your house. Yeah, right at the Lake Hollywood signal there. Yeah, you're up there, right?

2:03 Paul Johansson Yeah, I didn't know that you actually turned my microphone on until you guys were done with the early banter.

2:07 Adam No, you're on, but please don't talk.

2:11 Anyway, Drew, there he was. Just like all the other guests.

2:13 Adam In all his glory. No, no, talk away.

2:16 Drew That thing's been up there for a long time, right?

2:18 It has.

2:18 Adam And I stare at it. And I think, look at all those good looking white people. I keep thinking to myself.

2:24 Paul Johansson No, we're a white show, that's for sure.

2:25 Adam And good looking.

2:26 Paul Johansson Good looking, well, yeah.

2:27 Adam It's a good looking show. Turn the guest up. He's all the way up.

2:31 Paul Johansson Sorry, maybe it's my...

2:32 Adam Pull that thing toward you, Paul. Then turn Adam down.

2:34 Paul Johansson Sounds like college. Sorry.

2:36 Adam Then turn Adam down. How dare you? Paul has got himself a nice cast on his right hand from having a little surgery. I had the same... I didn't have the same surgery, but I had the same club on my left hand, which is my business hand, if you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I actually was.

2:56 Paul Johansson Did you fight Danny Bonaducci, too?

2:57 Adam Yeah, he... and I took on Joey Budafuco, and... but what the hell is their name? What's that chick boxer's name? China. China.

3:09 Oh, wow.

3:11 Adam Yeah. And I had to... you know, they do a little too much cast. They could get away... here, here's... Let me just say this about the whole hospital system. More gown, less cast.

3:22 Drew For the hand, anyway.

3:23 Adam Yeah. For your body, you know, Paul's 6'4, worth a hunk, they give him a wet nap and he's nothing but sack and ass crack all day. But for his hand, he has an oak tree duct taped to his left hand. There's a nice incision there. You know what I mean?

3:38 Yeah. Yeah.

3:39 Adam I had a club.

3:39 Drew I had to look at your ass hanging out.

3:41 Adam Oh, yeah.

3:41 Drew You had your... was it your hand? Oh, your hernia repair.

3:44 Adam When I have my hand surgery, I want to keep my underpants.

3:47 Drew Oh, yeah.

3:48 Adam Paul, you know what I'm talking about.

3:49 Drew People running out of the operating room screaming.

3:52 Adam Here's the thing. You just had this hand surgery. I had similar wrist, hand...

3:57 Paul Johansson Do you know the nature of the injury? What did you have?

3:59 What was the problem?

4:00 Adam I used to work as a boxing trainer, and I held the focus gloves for so many years.

4:05 Paul Johansson What club? In town here?

4:06 Adam Yeah. At a place called Bodies in Motion.

4:09 Paul Johansson Absolutely.

4:10 Adam And I held these gloves for so long that I got a huge cyst in the palm of my hand that Drew, on more than one occasion, attempted to drain during show hours, but to limited success and quite a bit of pain. So they finally had to just carve the whole thing out of my palm, and that's why it sort of now can cave. I wish it would come back a little bit. The point is, is they strapped me to a six foot sandwich board and did this thing. I was like Jesus of Nazareth Drew on the crotch.

4:43 Drew I know you think of yourself that way very often. I did.

4:46 Paul Johansson Were you holding the focus pads to, in order to maybe garner some more comic material, or was it something of interest in the boxing field, or how did you get into that position?

4:56 Adam That was my profession before I died.

4:58 Paul Johansson You were a professional focus pad holder for amateur fighters?

5:02 Adam Yes.

5:02 Paul Johansson And some maybe pro fighters?

5:04 Adam Occasionally, yes.

5:05 Paul Johansson Did they ever miss and hit you in the midsection or in the face?

5:08 No.

5:08 Paul Johansson Did you ever try your jokes out while they were throwing punches?

5:11 Adam No, I did get hit in the head a couple of times. But people were pretty good, although I did it today and Pete Berg, the film director, hit me in the head. Nice. Yeah. But anyway, I wanted to keep my underpants. Because I was like, what do you need my underpants for? I'm strapped, you can't get farther from my balls. You just can't get, you could go to my house, you wouldn't get farther from my balls right now.

5:33 Drew Didn't they give you, your pants could go up in flames and something?

5:36 Adam Yes, because they needed your underpants, right?

5:38 Paul Johansson I actually was allowed to keep mine on.

5:40 Are you kidding me?

5:41 Paul Johansson Yes, there was, there was.

5:41 Oh, the severity.

5:43 Paul Johansson Yes, and I'm tidy whitey, so.

5:45 Adam Oh my God.

5:46 Paul Johansson Yeah, it's unfair and we all see it.

5:48 Adam Why did they, Drew, that's the other thing too. These people, I was like, look, I have this policy. When I'm drugged and put under in a group of strangers, I keep my underpants on. It's something I had to learn the hard way.

6:01 Drew Oh yes. We've spoken to that many times.

6:04 Adam Yes, yes. I just, call me crazy when I'm getting hand surgery and I'm under, I like to keep my underpants on.

6:11 Paul Johansson Did the anesthesiologist have an ear ring?

6:14 Adam No, but he had a nipple ring.

6:16 Well, there you go.

6:17 Adam And I thought it was inappropriate that he showed it to me. The point is, he licked his finger and he said he had sensitive areolas. That's the last thing I heard before I went under. The point is, why can't I have my underpants? They said, well, and now this is a stretch, I know. They said, there could be some rayon or some synthetic fiber in there. There could be some static electricity that goes through you and it could burst into flames.

6:48 Paul Johansson What could burst into flames, particularly?

6:50 Adam My sack could burst into flames.

6:53 Drew Well, it's quite a bit of surface area there.

6:56 Adam It is. I know fire.

6:57 Paul Johansson Were you blessed with a large testicular bag or?

7:00 Adam It's a lot of bag, a lot of surface area, a lot of old growth on there, too. Fire Department says I got to clear it this summer, by the way. They said they need 80 feet from my dork this year. It's a fire line. All right. Point is, as I said, where's the paper? I'll sign because if my nut sack goes up in flames, so be it. There will not be a lawsuit. And they said, now give us the underpants. And then so, of course, what ends up happening is now they got your underpants. They got the gown that ties in back. You're drugged out of your tree. You got the big club for on your hand. And, of course, your your ass is now hanging out as you drool all over the place with the prodigious sack to the wind. Yes.

7:42 Drew Flopping.

7:42 Adam That's right.

7:43 Drew Came by and visited.

7:44 Adam I like like like a wind sock at the airport. So, Paul, you've got to keep your underpants.

7:52 Paul Johansson Yes, indeed, I did.

7:53 Adam Yeah, I think there was, you know, I think that's I think it's a little celebrity. I think I think they recommend.

7:58 Paul Johansson Well, you know, I'm a major celebrity. So, of course, they have to treat me that way.

8:01 Adam I think that's what you call juice. You must get your publicist in on that one. I would like to open a hospital.

8:07 Paul Johansson Where is Cato? Caitlin wouldn't have kept his.

8:09 Adam No, he's a C-lister at best. I'm going to open a hospital and the big selling point is, you get to keep your underpants. You know what I mean? We have mediocre surgery.

8:19 Drew How about special gowns?

8:21 Adam Yeah, that you can actually wrap around in Velcro in front so you don't get the ass. And forget about my ass. What about grandpa's ass?

8:28 Drew No, yours was planning. Yours was planning.

8:30 Adam Really?

8:30 Drew Yeah, it's good enough.

8:31 Adam All right. One Tree Hill, everybody. What are we in season three?

8:35 Paul Johansson Now we're going to Wednesdays at eight. You said Tuesdays at nine, but that was last year. Oh, we've been moved next year to Wednesdays at eight.

8:42 Yeah, Wednesdays at eight.

8:44 Adam And let me just say this about the wwwwb.

8:49 Paul Johansson I'm very interested.

8:51 Adam You can find a home there. Am I? Here's what I'm saying. I think everyone wants to be on, they want to be on NBC Thursday nights, eight o'clock. But unless you're pulling a 25-share, you're going to go after the first three months. WB, you get a nice show going, you get a nice consistent thing going. Next thing you know, 10 years goes by, you got a couple of houses.

9:16 Paul Johansson Yeah. Well, I think that part of that is because of the demographic. WB pulls in, as you guys all know, you're in the business, it pulls in a very large share of the 14 to 20-something girls, which is a huge market to market to. And I think that keeps us alive.

9:32 Adam And that's what you want to, by the way. Remember when we were on MTV, Drew?

9:36 Yeah.

9:37 Fox Fest. Remember that?

9:40 Adam Wow. Yeah.

9:41 Drew A long time ago.

9:41 Adam It really, it really, it really.

9:43 But you guys are both married now.

9:44 Adam Yeah.

9:45 Paul Johansson Happily married?

9:46 Adam Yeah.

9:46 Paul Johansson Still do you use the boxing gloves at home sometimes?

9:48 Adam Yeah. Just to protect myself mainly. Drew, yeah, Drew uses a chair and a pistol. All right. Yeah. I just, I remember one time, and I remember the difference between sort of TV and TV and cable and cable, which is, we went to Port of Art at one time, and it was during the height of MTV stuff.

10:11 Drew Oh, right.

10:12 Adam Loveline on MTV, went to Port of Art, ended up there during spring break. There was 500 chicks who were 19. I came walking in. It's like, hey, it's the guy from MTV. Next thing you know, it's Party Central in that place. And then Jimmy came by, and one of the chicks said to him, oh, you do win Ben Stein's money. My dad loves the show. Now look at him.

10:35 My dad loves the show.

10:36 My dad loves the show.

10:38 Adam Yeah, WB. Yeah, Hot Chicks, 14 to 20. All right, what name is this, Drew?

10:46 Drew Sippa.

10:47 Sippa?

10:49 Adam Sippa.

10:50 Hi, Sippa.

10:51 Drew Sippa.

10:52 Adam Sippa, you're 24. What kind of name is that?

10:55 Caller It's Russian Jewish, and actually it's spelled P-F-I-P-A, but she said she had to spell it phonetically.

11:03 Adam Well, as long as she's gonna spell it phonetically, why doesn't she spell it phonetically?

11:07 Caller So we don't say S-P-A.

11:09 Adam So we say Sippa next time, or don't say.

11:11 Caller Go ahead.

11:13 Caller I was wondering if an IUD could complicate an aortic insufficiency.

11:19 Drew No, I don't see how it could. What's the situation?

11:24 Caller Well, I've just, I've been doing a lot of research, and based on my family history and stuff, I believe that I have ankylosing spondylitis.

11:34 Drew Okay. So you have aortic valvular disease, is that right?

11:38 Caller Well, I don't know. I've been diagnosed with tachycardia and I've been taking...

11:42 Caller Whoa, whoa, whoa.

11:44 Drew Slow down.

11:46 Adam We're going to need your underpants before we can talk about it. You would want her underpants just talking about this in the office, right?

11:52 Drew Aortic insufficiency. You had an echocardiogram and it showed aortic insufficiency?

11:57 Caller No, I had...

11:58 Drew Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about it. There's no way you have that.

12:02 Adam She's overdoing it?

12:02 Drew No, my god. That's something that people get with... Young people get sometimes with very serious... I mean, they get sick with that, and people in their 80s get aortic insufficiency, but this is... I guarantee it's not what you have.

12:14 Caller Okay. Okay. Because I've been...

12:16 Drew What is the matter? You're so somatic. You're so occupied.

12:21 Adam That's the Jew half.

12:22 Drew Oh, my goodness.

12:23 Adam Russian half is drunk right now. The Jew half is worried she's dying of an eight-year-old disease.

12:28 Paul Johansson No, I know we have bars around this building.

12:30 Drew And the grandparents are like Holocaust survivors. That's what they have.

12:34 Paul Johansson There's the salt in the wound.

12:35 Adam Hey, what's going...

12:36 Caller Actually, I'm not Jewish.

12:38 Adam I thought you were half Jewish.

12:40 Caller No, I'm not Russian or Jewish. My dad did a lot of acid, so...

12:45 Drew Okay, so your dad's not a good guy?

12:50 Caller Oh, no. He's fine. He's just creative. So...

12:55 Adam Wait a minute. So your name is Sipa.

12:57 Caller Yeah.

12:58 Adam But you're not a Russian Jew.

12:59 Caller I am not a Russian Jew.

13:01 Adam Your dad was a hippie, and he dropped a lot of acid.

13:05 Caller And he likes creative names, so... Right. Yeah, I have no more justification than that.

13:11 Adam Okay.

13:12 Drew But we're wondering why you're so somatically preoccupied.

13:15 Caller Just because I've been having a lot of joint problems.

13:18 Drew Okay. No, no, no. That's not the point. It's business of you. You've never seen anclosing spondylitis. You have no business even thinking about that. A rheumatologist wouldn't diagnose him or herself with that. You go to doctors, you do the workup, you let them make a diagnosis.

13:33 Adam What is it? It doesn't seem like people are like sort of in two camps. Either they care too much or they have some festering...

13:41 Drew They're all over the place...

13:42 Adam .lesion on the forehead and they won't look at it. Yeah.

13:44 Paul Johansson Forgive me, but isn't it better sometimes for people to be a little more obsessive than to be just completely... You know, apathetic about their health and their health...

13:52 Drew The problem is the Internet has led people to believe that they're experts because they can read about conditions. I mean, doctors don't know how to diagnose a condition until they've seen it like 300 times. They've actually seen it from beginning to end, experienced it, looked at it, felt it...

14:05 Paul Johansson Are there any cases where an IUD would actually play into any role in terms of any cardiac problems at all?

14:11 Drew Not that I can think of. Maybe some tachycardia. But tachycardia doesn't mean anything. It just means that's a normal thing. Right, so particular tachycardias are normal in 24-year-olds.

14:19 Paul Johansson So it would be rare for that interaction to be bad then.

14:21 Drew Right, and probably your tachycardia is just one of those things. They're just normal. They're called PATs. All right.

14:26 Adam Drew, oh, to me that's a point after...

14:29 Drew Paroxysmal atrial tachycardia.

14:31 Adam Oh, okay. I'm singing a football. Let's talk to Adam over here. It's 23. Adam?

14:37 Caller Hey, guys.

14:37 How you doing?

14:38 Caller Good.

14:39 Adam You had a threesome?

14:41 Yeah, I had a threesome. I've been going out with this girl for two years. Actually, Dr. Drew, I was at Central Michigan University in 2001.

14:47 Caller I was a freshman then.

14:49 And you came in and gave us a little guest speaking. It was like a motivational speak, if I remember correctly.

14:54 Drew Was Adam there with me? Adam was there too, right?

14:56 Adam Was I there?

14:57 Yeah, you guys were both there.

14:58 Adam We were. Yeah, we were talking about you on the way home. Drew hated you. I gave you a five, but Drew somehow didn't take a shine into you, Adam.

15:08 Drew So what's up? What's happened?

15:09 I actually have a multi-question. The first one is I had a threesome with my girlfriend. And we were actually at the Pistons game a couple nights ago, and we were playing blackout. I don't know if you guys are familiar with that.

15:19 Drew That sounds just so bogus to me. It just sounds.

15:23 Adam All right. Well, he knows we're at Central Michigan.

15:26 Drew Right.

15:27 Adam Was I there?

15:28 Drew Yes. He said yes. Never were there. We were.

15:30 Paul Johansson You just don't believe this guy could actually have a threesome?

15:34 Adam He's working too much information and that's not your main of the story.

15:37 Drew Yeah.

15:38 Adam Besides, you don't seem like a guy could score playoff tickets. You know what I'm saying? You got to make a couple of bucks. I mean, the Pistons won it last year, right? Where did you get those playoff tickets, Adam?

15:49 Caller My dad. My dad's company. He scores. He got the key.

15:52 Adam Okay.

15:53 Paul Johansson Was he involved in the threesome?

15:54 Adam It's coming together.

15:55 Drew We're back again a little bit.

15:56 Adam Dad's company. All right. We're back.

15:58 Caller Oh, yeah. So he often brings her best friend over to the game.

16:02 Adam How do you play blackout?

16:04 Caller He's just the first one to blackout wins. We just drink as much as we can. That's fun. Every time the Pistons score, you drink.

16:10 Drew Oh, my God.

16:11 Adam Really?

16:13 Caller So long story short, we go back to the house. Not really. And we have sex. All three of us.

16:19 Adam Right.

16:20 Caller So now I'm thinking, does my girlfriend do this on a regular basis? Is she like, is she a lesbian?

16:24 Drew That's not a question.

16:25 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

16:26 Drew All right.

16:26 Adam So it's bogus. Bogus, because there's no question.

16:29 Drew There's no question.

16:30 Paul Johansson He's just being insecure.

16:31 Drew No, he's just making this call up. It's not a question. You don't call the rate to ask this question, because the fact is you go to your girlfriend and ask that. Do you do this all the time? It's making me feel weird.

16:39 Adam Unless you've been with her long enough, you would know.

16:41 Drew It's your girlfriend. You'd know if she does this.

16:42 Adam All right. We're going to play a little game called Hang Up. This is where A-hole's calling the show.

16:47 Paul Johansson Every time the Pistons score, we hang up?

16:49 Adam Yeah. I take my index finger in my right hand, push that button.

16:54 Paul Johansson Do you get a lot of those calls?

16:55 Drew No, but we can tell when they're there.

16:56 Paul Johansson Really?

16:57 Adam I'll tell you how you can tell. There's no question.

17:00 Paul Johansson Well, can you tell when a bogus celebrity comes in? Is it really celebrities trying to play one off on you?

17:04 Drew No, we couldn't tell that.

17:06 Caller Oh, you're cool.

17:11 Adam When's Cato coming in?

17:12 Caller Pretty soon.

17:13 Adam Good.

17:13 Drew Any day now.

17:14 Adam Kylie?

17:15 Yes.

17:16 Adam You're 19?

17:17 Caller Yes.

17:17 Adam What's up?

17:20 Caller Okay, I've been straight my whole life, and now all of a sudden I'm into girls now. And I don't understand. We're not girls, but one particular girl. And I told her...

17:34 Drew Well, hold a second. How did this get going? Did you just get out of a relationship and then get into this one with this girl?

17:41 Caller No, because I believe that you're supposed to give yourself time to heal from relationships.

17:46 Drew Kylie, Kylie.

17:47 Caller Yes.

17:47 Drew I don't care what you believe right now. Just ask a question. Did you end a bad relationship and then get into this thing with the girl?

17:54 Caller Well, it had been months. I had a bad relationship in January.

17:58 Drew All right. Because this does happen sometimes.

18:00 Adam Let me say something. I believe that everybody is special, that we're all put here for a reason, and that everything happens for a reason. Okay?

18:10 Caller Okay.

18:11 Adam Okay. What happened to this world where everyone just was able to spat out the retarded platitudes and everyone just nods your head? Everything happens for a reason. Oh, okay. Like Sid's. That's, yeah.

18:26 Caller That's reason.

18:26 Adam Yeah. Four-year-old died in his sleep. Huh.

18:29 Drew What's the plan?

18:30 Caller There's a plan.

18:31 Adam Yeah, God needed him. What? Like steady a coffee table in heaven or something? What do you need him for? He wanted him. He needed him. He's up there now. Do you get older when you go into heaven, by the way?

18:45 Drew Oh, if you're a little thing and you...

18:46 Adam Well, that's what I mean. Like when God calls on like a nine month old, does he stay nine months? Because that's a pain in the ass for God. Changes his diapers.

18:55 Paul Johansson But the pain is real for the people that lose people. That pain is real.

18:58 Adam That pain is real. Oh, yes. Yo, no, it's...

19:01 Paul Johansson And so sometimes the pain can serve as a... I believe that there's a certain amount of pain that can actually help you find some clarity for yourself. It certainly, it's helped me.

19:10 Drew Yeah, but what does it mean for the child?

19:12 Caller I have no idea. Yeah, I'm not gonna sit here and say, well, there's everything for a reason.

19:16 Adam No, there's no doubt that it's... Look, if I lost a child, I'd wanna think he was at the knee of the Almighty up in heaven and with the dog and whatever, with grandpa or great grandma or whoever else was out there.

19:31 Drew It's almost the only way you can deal with that as a human.

19:32 Adam Yeah, I would definitely want to feel that. But just that everything happens for a reason thing that everyone seems to keep kicking out, especially.

19:40 Paul Johansson People need those things because they don't wanna search deeper because when they do, they discover too many things.

19:45 Adam Right, and plus, you know what's a really scary answer? I don't know why S happens and I sure hope it doesn't happen to me.

19:53 Drew Yeah, or people I love.

19:54 Adam Or people I love. And we say I love you mean Drew loves.

19:58 Drew Thank you. Yes, yes.

19:59 Adam Kylie.

19:59 Drew I mean you, I mean you.

20:00 Adam Thank you, Kylie. All right, so anyway, you had a relationship. And now you're into a check.

20:07 Drew Because when women, particularly often a little younger, even get brutalized in a relationship, particularly if you had a bad experience with dad, you keep picking abusive guys, you go through a brutal relationship, you'll try women at that point.

20:20 Caller Well, my dad's not a horrible man. My dad's never done anything to me. I mean, my dad's been great.

20:28 Caller Where's my bourbon?

20:31 Adam Doesn't drink, doesn't smoke.

20:34 Caller Okay, now I feel like that girl earlier, he'll drink like two or three beers every few days.

20:39 Caller Where's my bourbon?

20:40 Caller Huh?

20:41 Caller No, no, like he'll drink two or three beers every three or four days if he's cutting the grass. But otherwise, no, he does not drink.

20:47 Caller Where's my bourbon?

20:49 Adam When you guys live on a golf course, how much grass is there to cut at your place?

20:54 Caller Huh?

20:55 Adam You said cutting the grass. You're talking about drugs? You're talking about actually mowing the lawn?

20:59 Like mowing the lawn.

21:01 Adam I'm saying how much lawn do you have to mow?

21:03 Caller Well, that's what I'm saying. You know what does that? Like once or twice a week, like he'll drink. Yeah? Because my stepmom doesn't like drinking, so I mean he just doesn't do it.

21:11 Drew Stepmom, where's your mom? Where's your mom?

21:13 Caller Oh, I live with my mom right now.

21:16 Drew Why are your parents broken up?

21:17 Caller Why are they broken up?

21:18 Caller Where's my bourbon?

21:19 Adam All right, Anderson.

21:21 Drew You're driving us insane with that.

21:23 Caller Um, they, okay, my mom is real big on verbal abuse. She thinks if you call her, you know, overweight or a little overweight, she gets upset or whatever. And it's a combination of that. And she didn't like him smoking. And because she's a nurse practitioner and she's real big on health.

21:39 Caller And who, who was, she was, is she fat?

21:42 Caller Who's fat?

21:43 Caller No, like my, okay, my mom gained like five or 10 pounds. And my dad would kind of, you know, tell her because I guess he felt the need.

21:51 Adam All right, hold on a second. I'm trying to, trying to, trying to piece this puzzle together here for a second.

21:57 Drew Every call is like that now.

21:59 Adam I'm, first off, I picture the dad sitting on a riding mower, mower right now with a beer, a cigarette, and just cussing at some kids.

22:06 Drew Yes.

22:06 Adam Get the F off the lawn.

22:07 Drew Right.

22:08 Adam And just riding and continuing.

22:09 Drew Circles.

22:10 Adam And just circled. And actually fueling on the move.

22:14 Drew Right. Things just change. Tankers. Chained to a pole.

22:17 Adam No, but a tanker mower, pulling up next to it and fueling so he doesn't have to stop. That's in-flight fueling for a riding mower. It's like he's never getting off things. Now, there's a couple of interesting things. He doesn't drink because stepmom doesn't like his drinking, although he doesn't drink, really.

22:37 Drew And she's not into verbal abuse. So when he says, you're fat, she leaves.

22:42 Caller Yeah, but here's the deal.

22:44 Adam Why does stepmom not like it when he drinks if he has himself a Schlitz while he's mowing the lawn twice a week?

22:51 Drew Right.

22:52 Adam You know what I mean?

22:52 Drew It has to be much more than that because listen.

22:54 Adam You have to not like it because you have to get drunk and smack her in the face.

22:58 Drew That's right. The alcoholism is defined by consequences. And if you're losing relationships, that pretty much does it.

23:04 Adam Yeah.

23:05 Drew Because of the alcohol.

23:05 Adam Now she's living with mom. Mom put on five pounds. Dad started yelling at her from the tractor mower. Surprised she could hear him, you know, over the over the Briggs and Stratton. Kylie?

23:18 Caller Yes.

23:19 Adam Is does he have a ride along mower? Or is he just go ahead and push it, push behind her? Is it one of the self-propelled ones?

23:25 Caller He has a push mower.

23:27 Adam Push mower. Okay. And you're now living with your mom.

23:32 Caller Yes.

23:33 Adam And your dad's a cool guy.

23:36 Caller Yes.

23:37 Adam And.

23:37 Drew But not so cool that your mother could live with him.

23:40 Caller Well, I mean, I don't think anybody can live with her.

23:43 Drew With her.

23:44 Adam With your mom.

23:44 Drew So she's the abusive one.

23:46 Caller My real mother, yes.

23:47 Adam Well, you're living with her.

23:48 Caller I'm living with her, yes.

23:50 Caller All right.

23:50 Adam Well, that's someone.

23:52 Caller Well, she's very difficult to live with.

23:54 Caller All right.

23:54 Adam Well, why don't you get out of there?

23:56 Caller Why don't I get out of here? Because.

23:58 Adam Just you can answer the question.

24:00 Drew Without repeating it.

24:01 Adam Yes.

24:03 Caller We're not doing any interview. No, I'm just nervous.

24:05 Adam All right.

24:06 Caller And I have to make sure that I have to answer the question right. But, you know, she right now and it's a big situation. We're living with my aunt because she's building a house and trying to save money. And she's building me a room in the house. So I go to college and I have to worry about working.

24:21 Adam And here's it kind of take take some sage advice from the great one.

24:28 Caller That's what I started.

24:29 Adam I started calling myself the no, I'm actually going back to the Vicar of Christ. Yeah, I like that title the best.

24:34 Drew That worked, that worked.

24:35 Adam Yeah. Here's the thing. If you have a person that's very difficult to live with, namely your mom, you need to get out of there. As far as college goes, do you know how many people go to college and support themselves? It just builds that much more character. You get a part-time job, you get some loans, you get some roommates, you sleep on a futon.

24:55 Drew You have a baby.

24:56 Adam You have a baby.

24:56 Paul Johansson All right, now this will keeps getting deeper.

24:59 Drew Kylie, please.

25:00 Adam All right, so there's a little more chaos here.

25:02 Drew A lot more chaos.

25:03 Adam Initially meets the eye.

25:04 Drew Yeah, brutal relationships. Family sounds a little crazy. Come on. Were you sexually abused growing up?

25:11 Caller Never.

25:14 Drew Hmm? Did you experiment with people like your own age, like other kids when you were in kindergarten?

25:19 Caller No, I never did that. I never had a boy over until I was in high school. I mean, we were never alone around anyone to be able to do that.

25:28 Drew Well, when did you have the baby?

25:30 Caller When I had the baby, I had her when I was 18. She was a year old.

25:34 Adam All right. Well, eventually someone got to you.

25:38 Caller Yeah, the loser of them all.

25:41 Drew Yeah. So why are you involved with these awful guys? That's we have to figure out.

25:44 Adam Oh, who cares? Just go lesbian or don't go at all.

25:48 Caller One of the problems with her is what I don't understand because girls are complicated, like really complicated.

25:56 Drew There's something very wrong, Kylie, very, very wrong, and you don't seem to be in any way in touch with it. It's not about your sexual orientation. It's about your sort of drifting in life without understanding what motivates and what emotions are and how relationships work and why you'd feel certain things in certain circumstances.

26:13 Adam I'm going to make a suggestion.

26:14 Drew I'm going to say therapy.

26:16 Adam Therapy would be good. You should listen to classical music. It makes you smarter.

26:21 Paul Johansson And also pick up a book called Adult Children of Alcoholics.

26:25 Drew Yeah, I would say that's a great book to pick up for her.

26:27 Adam Yeah.

26:28 Drew I agree. I think there's a lot of ACA stuff for her.

26:30 Adam Paul, your dad was a Canadian hockey player.

26:33 Paul Johansson Played in the NHL for many years.

26:35 Adam And he's from Canada?

26:37 Paul Johansson Played for the Detroit Red Wings when he was standing at Cup 54. That was actually him.

26:41 Adam Yeah, you recognized his slap, John. Wow. Did he drink?

26:46 Paul Johansson Yeah, he was a good drinker. He perfected his drink.

26:48 Adam Where's my bourbon? You got to drink. Here's the thing about hockey. You got to drink because you play sport. We sit on a block of ice. You know what I mean?

26:57 Paul Johansson And it gets the hemorrhoids so you don't feel them.

27:00 Adam They drink so much that you ever see the goalies with those squeeze bottles?

27:03 Caller Yeah.

27:03 Adam That's pure grain alcohol.

27:04 Paul Johansson They didn't have masks when my father played.

27:06 Caller Wow.

27:07 Paul Johansson Yeah. He played with the old guys, Ted Lindsay, Terry Sawchuck, all the guys.

27:11 Adam What position did you take?

27:12 Paul Johansson He's a left winger.

27:12 Adam Yeah. I'm going to kick my head in the nuts. Yeah.

27:15 Paul Johansson Tough as nails.

27:16 Adam Yeah.

27:16 Paul Johansson He wouldn't have cried about no underwear and surgery. He wouldn't have whined about that for a half an hour to show.

27:23 Caller You sound like a hockey player.

27:24 Adam But beg to differ. I bet he would have. I mean, look, they didn't have the goalies didn't have masks, but they let them have underpants, right?

27:32 Paul Johansson They did. And pads. Yeah.

27:34 Adam That whole thing. There's we got to take a break. But I got to say this. I really think it's a machismo thing. I really do. Like, I think I always think about the roll bar in the racing automobile coming around in the 60s, maybe the later 50s. These guys used to race cars all day long. Head hanging out over the top of these Indy cars. Now meanwhile, it's like, well, technology. Technology? It's a bent piece of steel that's four inches higher than your head. What do you mean technology? And by the way, World War II is come and gone. They had ball turrets and B-29s and atomic bombs. And we were into the jet age. You still couldn't figure out how to put a piece of rolled steel four inches above your head?

28:18 Paul Johansson Guys, for us to ride motorcycles without helmets nowadays, it's the same thing to me.

28:22 Adam It's machismo.

28:23 Paul Johansson Absolutely.

28:23 Adam Yeah, no one would be the first puss to go, hey coach, how about a little something for the puss here? But I was man enough to claim my underpants.

28:30 Paul Johansson Are we going out to break on puss?

28:32 Adam Yes, we are.

28:33 Drew Puss and pants.

28:35 Adam Paul Johansson is here tonight from One Tree Hill. He plays Hunk number three.

28:39 Paul Johansson Thank you.

28:40 Adam On the WWB show. Wednesday at eight now?

28:44 Paul Johansson It will be Wednesday at eight coming back for our third season.

28:48 Adam All right. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this. Yeah, yeah, Paul Johansson's here tonight from his little show on the internet. I can't believe they took my underpants and they let Paul have his. You think it would be the other way around.

29:56 Paul Johansson Matching focus beds.

29:58 Adam Be like, yeah, no, let's see the hunks junk. And you, you have a braille head? Yeah, here's a unitard to put on.

30:06 Drew Really what it was, the nurse went, oh my god, you will never believe the size of the guy's sack.

30:10 Paul Johansson But you know, girls, I heard girls don't actually do them, well, my girlfriend. I'm sitting out there, and she says that she never looks at a guy and says that she imagines what his package looks like. But men, we're always like going, huh.

30:23 Adam Women will notice a package if the guy, if there's like a photograph of a guy and he's like sitting with jeans on or something. Tom Jones.

30:35 Drew But women have a strange thing where they get aroused by visual material but don't get appetite, no drive.

30:40 Paul Johansson I don't understand the difference.

30:42 Drew That the hypothalamus is the part of our brain that activates drive need or drive driven. Arousal is just sort of sexual arousal. But women, they've shown this very clearly in MRIs, that women, when they look at pornography and stuff, can have arousal but no drive. That's when they'll go, oh, that guy's so hot. I would never have sex with him. But he's hot. But he's crying right now. I'm excited to see him.

31:01 Paul Johansson Is there a, obviously for me, I always go back to, there must be some sort of genetic need for them not to have, like, The kind of drive.

31:10 Drew We're driven to spread the genes as far as wide as possible for women to accept a genetic load, as it were, is to take on an 18-year commitment and to risk their life with pregnancy. I mean, most women died in pregnancy in prehistoric times. So to take that on was a very big risk. So they'd be more discriminated naturally.

31:27 Paul Johansson So why are women like our dear friend, was it Kira that was just on the phone with us, would, as she calls him the biggest loser in the world, why would she allow herself to take that gene?

31:36 Drew When people are abused by their parents, things that cause terror in childhood become sources of attraction in adulthood.

31:45 Caller And why is that?

31:46 Drew We're wired that way.

31:47 Paul Johansson We're just wired that way.

31:48 Drew Yeah.

31:48 Paul Johansson It's trying to make up for a past, trying to relive it or somehow.

31:51 Drew That's sort of how you can try to understand it. But the fact is-

31:53 Paul Johansson That's cognitive therapy, though.

31:54 Drew We're just wired by it. The question is, what was God thinking? What's the evolutionary advantage to making humans in such a way that things that are often in childhood we go towards, maybe it's to just sort of finish us off. If you've been damaged when you were a child, it would just torch out. I never thought of it that way.

32:08 Paul Johansson It's very sort of nihilistic.

32:10 Drew Draconian.

32:10 Adam Well, everything happens for a reason. That's all I know. At the end of the day, everything happens for a reason.

32:18 Caller Corolla.

32:19 Adam Yeah, see, we're trying to change Marco Polo.

32:22 Paul Johansson I got it. Do you know my little brother? He's a stand-up comedian, Pete Johansson.

32:25 Adam Yeah.

32:26 Paul Johansson He writes comedies, stand-up. He's very, I thought maybe you knew him. I think he knows you.

32:30 Adam Well, I'm a legend in the business, come on. Well, how old is your little brother?

32:35 Paul Johansson He's 32.

32:36 Adam Oh.

32:36 Paul Johansson He's done a lot of tours.

32:37 Adam He's a couple of years younger than you. He's a little brother.

32:40 Paul Johansson No, but he's, I think he's written some for the Man Show and he knows other guys there.

32:46 Drew Anyway, they wrote for the Next Man Show.

32:48 Adam No, I'm talking for season five.

32:50 Paul Johansson The real Man Show.

32:51 Caller Yeah.

32:53 Adam All right, let's talk to Veronica, who's 18. Veronica?

32:58 Caller Hi.

32:59 Adam What's happening?

33:01 Caller I had a question, because whenever me and my husband have sex, I get this very, very intense feeling. Like, it feels very, very, very good. And then I feel like I gotta go pee, and then it just, the feeling is gone. It stopped.

33:16 Drew So you've never had an orgasm?

33:18 Caller No.

33:19 Drew Under no circumstance?

33:21 Caller No.

33:22 Paul Johansson How old are you?

33:22 Caller 18.

33:24 Drew Well, there's a couple things. One is that many 18-year-olds have not had orgasm. Your biology hasn't sort of synced up for that yet. And to have it during intercourse would be even more rare.

33:34 Adam I would say impossible.

33:35 Drew Impossible.

33:36 Adam And that was based on some of the field data I've collected over the years. Impossible.

33:41 Drew At that age.

33:42 Adam At any age.

33:44 Drew Little better at any age, but definitely at 18.

33:46 Adam I don't know.

33:47 Drew The other thing, there is something called female orgasmic incontinence.

33:49 Adam I don't know.

33:50 Drew Some women do pee during orgasm, but usually that's associated with stress incontinence, which is something that happens after you've had a baby, that sort of thing. So the reality is this is probably just irritation of urethra. You're not going to pee. You need to sort of figure things out. You haven't really sort of figured out your biology.

34:05 Caller Well, yeah, I did have a baby, but that way it even happened before.

34:10 Drew Oh, well, but there you go. That may be why it's getting worse now.

34:14 Paul Johansson So it's physiological or psychological?

34:16 Adam Well, the baby may make it physiological.

34:19 Drew Mechanical, yeah.

34:20 Adam Yeah. And Veronica?

34:22 Caller Yeah.

34:23 Adam How old is your kid?

34:24 Caller He's four months.

34:26 Drew Four months. This is the difference between man and woman. This woman has gone so far as to having a baby, never had an orgasm.

34:31 Adam Yeah. Wow. Yeah, for guys, forget about it. Yeah. You should at least have an orgasm before you have a kid.

34:40 Drew You would think.

34:41 Adam Or do it at the same time, which would be really weird.

34:44 Paul Johansson But it doesn't preclude you from getting help and trying to get an orgasm now.

34:47 Drew But it also brings up an interesting point, which is something we rarely talk about, which is maternal desire. That women have a drive, an autonomous drive to be pregnant, to have a child. And that drive is similar to a sexual drive in man.

35:01 Adam Yeah.

35:04 Paul Johansson Were you using any form of birth control?

35:06 Adam No. And you're married?

35:11 Caller Yes.

35:12 Drew What?

35:13 Caller They're married.

35:14 Adam And what's your husband do?

35:16 Caller He's a soldier. He's in the US.

35:18 Caller Army.

35:19 Adam Oh, he's fighting with us. Okay. Most people we talk to are fighting for Mexico or Canada. That's good. That's refreshing. Okay. It's on our side when our boys. Fantastic. Now I'm a fan.

35:31 Drew Frank, again, you've got to kind of work things out a little bit. Maybe get a vibrator, try the tub, this whole thing.

35:36 Paul Johansson Do you masturbate?

35:38 Caller No.

35:39 Drew No?

35:40 Caller No.

35:40 Drew You don't. Again, for women, masturbation doesn't feel anything.

35:44 Paul Johansson But it might help her come to terms with her own body.

35:46 Drew Yes, it would. But usually when they're like this, it's like they feel nothing. It's just like, ugh, I can't.

35:50 Paul Johansson Do you enjoy sex?

35:52 Caller Yes, I do.

35:53 Paul Johansson And would your husband be willing to experiment a little bit without complete penetration and other ways to help you achieve more arousal and continue? Have you ever heard of like the tantra sex acts and those things to, you know?

36:07 Adam You go, girl.

36:08 Paul Johansson Do you know what I'm talking about?

36:10 Caller No.

36:10 Paul Johansson Well, it's called foreplay, darling.

36:12 Caller And it's really fun as your as your husband.

36:15 Caller Yeah, we always do that before.

36:16 Paul Johansson Thanks. No, but continued foreplay. I mean, long term foreplay. I don't know.

36:20 Caller I mean, it's it. I mean, I'm talking about for all of us.

36:23 Paul Johansson But please, long term, you know, it's like, look, don't you talk to Woody Harrelson ever? I mean, isn't he the guy that sits there?

36:31 Adam I mean, they get in a lotus position. They go down on their old lady for four days.

36:36 Paul Johansson Yeah, but I mean, here's a girl that's never had an orgasm. Wouldn't it be great if if somehow she would?

36:41 Drew Well, they're not wired for this yet. But they come on line between 18 and 22.

36:44 Paul Johansson So you're just saying, just wait.

36:46 Drew Well, no. And what she has to do is for many women, they have to actually experience a feeling of intimacy in order to feel sexual. And so that's why they have to have another person there, because they don't know how to make that third person a person. So and so and so she needs to really focus on that sort of that feeling of intimacy. And then the masturbation starts to feel like Veronica.

37:04 Adam Where where's your husband? Is he stationed somewhere currently in Iraq? All right. And when's he due back?

37:13 Caller I don't know. Well, he's supposed to stay for a whole year. But like they get a break every six months. They get a two week break, you know, so he'll get to come off the bank.

37:23 Paul Johansson How long has he been away?

37:24 Caller He left on March.

37:26 Paul Johansson Oh, OK.

37:26 Adam All right. And what's he doing over there?

37:29 Caller He's a scout.

37:31 Drew Scout.

37:31 Adam Scout.

37:33 Drew Wow.

37:33 Adam That sounds dangerous.

37:35 Caller Yes.

37:36 Paul Johansson OK. We'll keep him in our thoughts.

37:38 Adam Are you worried about him?

37:40 Caller Oh, every day.

37:41 Adam All right. All right. Well, listen here, baby doll. It sounds like you got bigger fish to fry than orgasms at this particular stage of your life.

37:49 Drew Go ahead and pee if that's what's going to happen. Or if not, don't worry about it. Just figure it. Just sort of figure things out.

37:54 Adam So take care of your kid. Be a good mom. Don't get pregnant for a while. Keep your fingers crossed for hubby. And then you're 18. Yes. Drew is right. And here's the thing. Paul is saying, well, what if she gets, what if the guy does a great job on her? And the answer is, who knows? Maybe that works. Maybe it doesn't. Women sort of-

38:13 Paul Johansson Give her some time.

38:14 Adam Sexually come online, as Drew says, you know, a few years down the line. She may, or some, never come on at all.

38:21 Drew Well, the most women are able to orgasm eventually. Most. Oh, Adam. We're all sweating.

38:31 Adam Yeah. Do you have a swimming pool at your place, Paul?

38:36 Paul Johansson No, I don't.

38:37 Adam You don't? Do you have nieces or nephews or kids?

38:41 Paul Johansson I have tons of them. Yeah, lots of nieces and nephews, but I have no children of my own.

38:43 Adam Okay. Do your nieces and nephews enjoy frolicking in the swimming pool?

38:47 Paul Johansson I'm sure that they do.

38:48 Adam They do? And they play that game Marco Polo?

38:51 Caller They do.

38:51 Paul Johansson And yet it's funny because they don't use those words.

38:53 Caller They use Adam Corolla.

38:56 Caller Oh, wow. It's catching on.

38:58 Adam It's on.

38:59 Caller It's on.

38:59 Caller I can't clap. I can't clap.

39:00 Adam You can't clap, but it's on.

39:03 Caller Whoa.

39:04 Adam What an awesome summer this is going to be. Kids playing Adam Corolla in the pool. That's going to be my legacy.

39:10 Paul Johansson That's in Vancouver, Canada.

39:12 Adam That's going to be my legacy. All right. Well, that's, you know, that's swimming country. I tell you what over there. Yeah. Lauren, we got to take a break. Lauren.

39:21 Caller Yeah.

39:22 Adam You're 17.

39:23 Caller Yeah.

39:25 Adam You've, you've had sex six times and it still hurts.

39:28 Caller Yeah.

39:29 Adam You have a boyfriend?

39:31 Caller No.

39:32 Drew That's what you need. You need somebody to kind of work this out with. Cause he is a hurt right when they're trying to penetrate you, right? When it starts the whole time, but it starts right when the whole time. But it starts the beginning, right? Really? And that's usually a problem with the spasm of the pelvic musculature and that's anxiety as much as anything else. You've had a pelvic exam? Go do that. You're sexually active. Seventeen year old women who have part, you've already had what six partners you say?

40:01 Caller No, just sex six times with two people.

40:04 Drew Two people. You're sexually active at 17, you're at risk for cervical cancer. Unfortunately, that's the reality.

40:09 Adam Did you break it up evenly? You go three and three, one guy get a five, and the other guy get a one. You went three and three? That's very even.

40:18 Paul Johansson You're not suggesting she has cervical cancer.

40:20 Adam No.

40:20 Drew Seventeen year old, cervical cancer kills women in their 20s. They get it when they're in their teens. If you have the earlier of sex, more partners, you have more of it.

40:27 Paul Johansson What are the symptoms of cervical cancer?

40:28 Drew Nothing, zero. That's why you get pap smears, to prevent.

40:30 Caller I went to Planned Parenthood and they said to wait six months before I had a pap smear, I think.

40:36 Paul Johansson What?

40:36 Caller I don't know. They said to come back late, because I went to get birth control and I'm not...

40:40 Drew They probably just didn't have time for it then. Just go back and get it done, okay?

40:43 Adam All right. All right. All right. Do you have to take your underpants off?

40:48 Drew Working out with a boyfriend, the pain, the pain is as much as anything probably due to anxiety and just sort of, maybe the guy not paying attention.

40:56 Adam Let me say this about me having to take my underpants off. What if, what if I was getting some hernia surgery and I was wearing a golf glove on my left hand? Would they make me take the golf glove off?

41:09 Paul Johansson Just to see the spots.

41:10 Drew You know what I'm saying?

41:11 Adam I don't think so. I don't think so, Drew. I don't think so.

41:15 Paul Johansson I think they would because anesthesiologists might need to see your fingers in order to see the blood and what have you, right? I mean the blood flow, right?

41:21 Adam It's heavy.

41:22 Drew Why the socks? Socks stay on, right?

41:24 Adam I'd like to keep the socks and the underpants on.

41:26 Paul Johansson Are you trying to hide something?

41:28 Drew Yeah, his hairy ass. It was a traumatizing experience. I had to go visit him in the hospital.

41:33 Paul Johansson How dare you?

41:34 Drew All right, let's take a break.

41:36 Adam My anesthesiologist was Drew's neighbor.

41:40 Drew He offended us. Yes.

41:42 Adam I offended him with a racial joke right before he put me under.

41:48 Drew And you were walking around your ass hanging out when I showed up. People were running around the room including him.

41:52 Adam You don't want to take my underpants? That's what you get. We'll take a quick break. Paul Johansson is here tonight from One Tree Hill. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

42:02 Caller Thank you for calling Loveline. Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

42:13 Caller The one and only.

42:15 Caller Live 105.

42:16 Adam Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Paul Johansson is here tonight. He is on One Tree Hill.

42:24 Paul Johansson Who wouldn't know what we're sent on, Adam?

42:25 Adam That's on the dubba dubba dubba dubba dubba wb. The dubba dubba dubba dubba dubba wb. Remember that, Drew?

42:32 Drew Oh, no, no. It was dubba dubba dubba dubba dubba dubba dubba dubba dubba dubba wb. Remember? It was like, no, no.

42:38 Adam I got it right. Now, we were in Chicago. Yeah. Loveline was a syndicated show, was going to be a syndicated TV show. It was going to be on Fox in Chicago. We had to go to the affiliate to shoot some promotional stuff. And the WB had just come up with their new slogan.

42:58 Drew God, are we naive.

42:59 Adam And so we-

43:00 Drew I was naive. I beg your pardon. You knew it all, as always.

43:03 Adam Thank you. We were in a- we were in Chicago. We were in a studio and we were going to do that. Hey, everybody, watch us on Love Line tonight. On the dubba dubba dubba dub. So it was one of those things like a scene out of a movie where the person was saying, okay, Drew, fall along. It's dubba dubba dubba dubba WB. And Drew would go, dubba dubba dubba dubba WB? Anyway, no, no.

43:29 Caller Dubba dubba dubba dubba WB.

43:36 Adam I think we got the point. Yeah, yeah, we just kept saying duba. And after about 20 minutes of trying to ram this up, our toucaille, I screamed at everyone, are you guys high?

43:46 Caller This is the worst campaign I've ever heard.

43:49 Adam This is going away in 10 seconds. Well, why should we even memorize this stuff? It's gone. It's going to be like eight track cassettes, 10 minutes from now, you idiots. And, you know, of course, Drew, he's so supportive. He's so supportive. Just do it. Just do it. And everyone looks at me and yells, just do it. And I stand there and Drew, how many occasions did I stand, look at an entire group of people, including your puss and say, this is a horrible idea.

44:14 Drew What are we doing?

44:15 Adam Let's stop.

44:16 Drew I'm shamed by the memory, but at least 20 times.

44:19 Adam At least 20 times. I looked at a whole group of professionals.

44:22 Drew There's no excuse for me. Except that I was stupid.

44:24 Adam What are we doing? Let's not do this. This is horrible.

44:27 Paul Johansson Drew, would you call your partner difficult to work with? Satisfactory?

44:31 Drew No, he's a genius.

44:32 Paul Johansson Really?

44:32 Drew Yeah. So he knows what he's talking about. And then he says things are going to be bad, and they aren't bad. And everyone needs to listen to him.

44:39 Adam Thank you.

44:44 Drew Rick, 19, what's up?

44:45 Caller I don't say everything's bad, only the stuff that's gonna...

44:47 Drew That you know sucks.

44:49 Adam Right.

44:49 Drew He is a world class dick.

44:51 Adam Yeah. I'm like a divining rod for sucking. I can find the sucky, the suck eye. Sucky guy.

45:01 Caller Rick?

45:02 Caller Yeah.

45:03 Caller You're 19?

45:04 Caller Yeah.

45:05 Caller What's up?

45:08 Caller Well, me and my girlfriend, we have quite a bit of sex. And whenever she comes, she comes white sometimes. I'm wondering, is that normal?

45:16 Drew Wait a minute. She has an ejaculate? No, no, no. Listen. Hold on. You have some white stuff around the penis.

45:26 Adam Rick, are you sitting down? You're with a dude.

45:29 Caller No, no, no.

45:30 Drew You just notice some white stuff once in a while, right? Doesn't have anything to do with her ejaculating or her orgasm.

45:36 Caller Yeah, when she has an orgasm, she comes white sometimes. And I'm wondering if that's normal or if it needs to be.

45:41 Adam You know what I like about Rick? Rick wouldn't hear nothing of what you had to say. Just had to just pile drive his stupid same point home one more time. He just bulldozed you and repeated exactly what he said.

45:52 Drew Endless to one word.

45:55 Adam Do you think Rick is talking about that sort of dischargey thing that you get?

46:01 Drew And that has nothing to do with ejaculate. It has nothing to do with orgasm.

46:04 Caller Right.

46:04 Drew It's just something women have.

46:05 Adam That's pyrite.

46:06 Caller It's pyrite.

46:07 Drew It's fool's gold.

46:08 Adam Fool's gold. Fool's gold. I saw that. I've seen that before.

46:12 Paul Johansson It doesn't happen more often during ovulations.

46:15 Adam It's not struck a rich vein, but it's just fool's gold, baby.

46:18 Drew It's pyrite.

46:19 Adam It's pyrite. Wow. Yeah. What happened to pyrite? I don't know.

46:23 Drew It went the way of the dodo.

46:24 Adam What happened to dodos? Hey, Rick.

46:26 Drew It went the way of the dodo.

46:27 Adam That's fool's gold, baby. That ain't no orgasm. Even the old drunken miner cookie could tell you that.

46:39 Caller So, what is that then?

46:41 Drew It's discharge is normal. Women have that.

46:43 Adam Yeah. She's got an infection.

46:45 Drew Not necessarily an infection. That can be a normal discharge. It could be a yeast infection, but it could be just part of her normal stuff.

46:51 Caller Even though it happens during sex, right?

46:53 Drew Yes, it happens during sex. It has nothing to do with- I put it on hold.

46:56 Adam Well, by the way, when else are you going to find it down there? You know what I'm saying?

47:02 Drew Yes. It has nothing to do with orgasm and it has nothing to do with anything.

47:07 Adam Is she having an orgasm?

47:09 Caller Yeah, she's having an orgasm at the same time.

47:12 Adam Yeah, I know. Okay, Rick, stick to your retarded beliefs. Don't call us anymore, please.

47:16 Paul Johansson Get a small tube of Monastat and move on.

47:18 Drew But do try to control volcanoes because making sacrifices and things. That way you're sure to control them.

47:24 Adam He just keeps- at the same time.

47:26 Drew I know.

47:26 Adam At the same time.

47:27 Drew I know. All right.

47:28 Adam And now, if something does come out of a woman-

47:30 Drew It's liquidy.

47:31 Adam It's clear.

47:31 Drew Yeah.

47:32 Adam Yes?

47:32 Drew Yes.

47:33 Adam Okay. Paul Johansson is here tonight from One Tree Hill.

47:36 Paul Johansson Hi, right.

47:38 Adam Pool's Call, Wednesday Night, new time, Wednesday night, 8 o'clock, da ba da ba da ba da ba da ba da ba da ba da ba da ba da ba. Take a quick break, be right back after this. Hey, everybody. Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191 or Paul Johansson is here tonight. He's from One Tree Hill on the WB. Wednesday night. It's new time. Eight o'clock. New day. Wednesday. All right. Drew?

48:39 Drew Here we go.

48:39 Adam Yes.

48:39 Drew Yes.

48:40 Adam Yes.

48:40 Drew Yes.

48:41 Adam Paul?

48:41 Paul Johansson Yes, sir.

48:42 Adam All right.

48:42 Drew Oh, I beg your pardon. Yes, sir. Paul, you're showing me up.

48:46 Caller Sorry.

48:47 Adam Dylan?

48:48 Caller Yeah. You know.

48:51 Adam What's up?

48:52 Caller Not much, bro.

48:53 Adam All right. Hold on a second. This kid isn't currently getting laid. He's going to get laid in the next four months.

49:00 Paul Johansson If he calls you dog, he's already been laid.

49:02 Adam That's true. That's true.

49:05 Caller Dylan? Yeah.

49:07 Adam You a cool kid?

49:08 Caller I guess so.

49:10 Adam What grade are you in?

49:11 Caller Eight.

49:12 Adam How you doing with the ladies?

49:14 Caller I'm doing all right.

49:16 Adam Good. Yeah. You shouldn't care too much. Hold on a second. Let me just talk to these guys for a second.

49:24 Drew Oh, my goodness.

49:25 Adam You know, I had a weird experience the other day because I don't have any of my yearbooks from my junior high or high school or any class photos or anything like that because my parents are super cheap bastards, you know? So I wasn't like...

49:43 Drew You mentioned that once or twice by the way.

49:45 Adam Have I brought that up?

49:45 Drew Yeah, you brought that up a couple times.

49:46 Adam I did mention my dad's supposed to?

49:47 Drew Yeah. Okay.

49:48 Adam Fine, because I don't...

49:49 Drew You mentioned it. Okay.

49:50 Adam Here's my point. I think people get drunk and check out their yearbook or have a reunion or something. They scan through it every seven or eight years. I hadn't seen mine in like 25 years, like from the eighth grade.

50:02 Drew Right.

50:03 Adam And all the people who, all the chicks I recognize, I went down to my memories being smoking hot and all the guys that were the good looking guys. I went back and looked at them. Some of them weren't that good looking.

50:15 Drew Right.

50:16 Adam They were cool.

50:17 Drew Right.

50:17 Adam They had it.

50:18 Drew Right.

50:18 Adam I don't know what it was. Do you know what I'm saying?

50:21 Drew Yeah, that it at a young age doesn't stay it necessarily.

50:23 Adam No, doesn't stay it, but it sure as hell works when you're in the eighth grade. And even there were like some of these chicks that were like and guys. Oh, they're really popular and they're really cool and they all had tons of dates and they're all into each other and all stuff. And then you go back and look at them and you go, that's not that's a scrawny little kid. There's nothing good looking about that kid or that chick who was supposed to be smoking hot. Didn't turn out to be so hot.

50:46 Drew So it is something created by the rest of the group.

50:49 Adam Yeah. Or whatever. You either got it or you don't have it. But Dylan's got it and there's something in it and it shows up when you're about 6th, 7th grade. And if you don't got it, they got it. Yeah.

51:04 Drew Oh, Adam.

51:05 Caller Oh, sorry.

51:05 Adam Yeah.

51:06 Caller Yeah.

51:07 Caller Yeah.

51:07 Drew Brillo head is usually not part of it.

51:10 Caller Especially in the 70s.

51:11 Drew Anything with the word head in the 70s, you know, comb over.

51:15 Adam Yeah.

51:15 Caller Yeah.

51:17 Caller Yeah.

51:19 Caller Okay.

51:19 Caller Here we go.

51:20 Adam Okay.

51:21 Caller All right.

51:22 Caller Dylan.

51:23 Caller Yeah.

51:23 Adam All right. So what's your question?

51:28 Caller I want to know if like, well, I know that if you eat clit pierced, it like isn't as sensitive.

51:35 Adam Are you a girl? Hold on. Let me say this about Dylan. This kid's got clit. I mean it. That's what I mean. Yeah, go ahead.

51:41 He's a growing boy. He's got older siblings.

51:44 Adam This is Dylan the dude, right?

51:46 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

51:48 Caller Okay.

51:49 Caller Well, I want to know if the same thing happens to your tongue.

51:53 Drew What happens to your clit?

51:54 Paul Johansson I think Dylan's getting that he's about thinking about getting a tongue piercing, and if it hurts the same as getting a clit piercing, is it something he should go through with? Is this where you're going, Dylan?

52:01 Adam I think he's talking for sensitivity.

52:03 Paul Johansson Yeah. That's where he's going.

52:04 Drew You see with the clitoris, you lose your sensitivity. Is that what you're saying?

52:07 Caller Yeah. I like taste and stuff.

52:09 Paul Johansson You like taste and stuff?

52:10 Adam You're into taste?

52:12 Paul Johansson You're into taste.

52:13 Adam What do you eat? A lot of those fruit roll ups?

52:14 Paul Johansson You know.

52:16 Adam A lot of Lunchables?

52:17 Caller Good and plenty.

52:18 Adam You don't want to miss out on the Mike and Ikes and the fruit roll ups. Let me tell you.

52:25 Paul Johansson You don't want to get your lung pierced because you're into breathing.

52:28 Caller Yeah.

52:32 Adam He likes his taste.

52:34 Caller I'm into taste. But that's part of it.

52:37 Paul Johansson Taste is it.

52:37 Caller Yeah.

52:38 Adam No, because I remember when I was 13, man, you got a long life of eating fish sticks and fruit roll ups.

52:45 Paul Johansson Sure.

52:46 Adam And Lunchables.

52:47 Paul Johansson You get the corn on the cob cut and you get the old deal.

52:49 Adam Yeah. A lot of hot dog on a stick.

52:51 Drew Corn dog.

52:52 Paul Johansson Two little pops stuck in the-

52:53 Adam A lot of Sunny D. You don't want to miss out on that.

52:56 Drew All right, Dylan, here's the deal.

52:57 Paul Johansson I think he's trying to be cool, right?

52:58 Drew Yeah. Oh, boy is he. But, Dylan, I worry- I'm not going to get into it, but I worry about why you'd want to do this, but so be it. There are two main- Don't monkey. Yeah. Two main risks. One is that you get bleeding. They hit an artery and the tongue swells up and you obstruct your airway and you die because you can't breathe or get a tracheostomy. The second thing is infection. I have seen brain abscesses because the infection actually tracks along the embryonal planes and can get up into the brain and so be quite serious. So there you go. Those are the main things.

53:28 Paul Johansson Does that scare you at all, Dylan, or are you still going to go through with it?

53:32 Caller I don't know.

53:33 Paul Johansson Do the kids at school, any kids at school your age have tongue piercings?

53:36 Caller No, but my girlfriend says that she would want one.

53:40 Drew Well, guess what? No reputable or even irreparable place.

53:44 Paul Johansson In six weeks, she'll never remember her name.

53:46 Drew She's going to do that to her 13-year-olds.

53:48 Adam Yeah, just like I can't remember Esther Chilidenko.

53:50 Drew Good times.

53:51 Caller Wait a minute.

53:53 Adam God damn it, I do remember.

53:54 Drew Isn't she the one you lit the house on fire?

53:57 Adam Yeah, well, I lit her kitchen on fire.

53:59 Paul Johansson That was Endless Love, that was in you. I saw that movie.

54:01 Drew Not the house.

54:03 Adam It was just the kitchen.

54:04 Drew Yeah, you're not the house, yeah.

54:05 Adam Oh my God, I got to, her dad.

54:09 Paul Johansson Have you talked to Esther since then?

54:10 Drew Yes, I think you did.

54:11 Paul Johansson Let's get her on the line. Can we call Esther right now?

54:14 Adam I've, well, I had a bad...

54:15 Paul Johansson I think I won 800 love.

54:17 Adam I had a bad experience with lighting Esther's kitchen on fire. Her dad is this, their dad, I swear to Christ, in the Israeli mafia, he's one of these guys. You know those, like, they're, what is it, by the way, like every, you know the thing that's funny is everybody, everybody has that dad they were scared of growing up. Like, you go like, who had the scary dad? David Vendick, everyone knows the guy with the scary dad, who come home from work pissed off, whose bicycle's out on the goddamn drive. Yeah, Esther's dad was, I swear to God, well, she wants to go by Esther now. Hi, I swear to God.

55:02 Drew Do you know her now?

55:03 Adam Yeah.

55:03 Drew Have I met her?

55:05 Adam No, I don't think so. Dad was like in the Israeli mafia or something like that. This guy was like, one of these guys was just, all five o'clock shadow all the time. Super huge, hairy forearms. You just saw two huge forearms. He was always yelling about something.

55:20 Drew What happened?

55:23 Adam I was over at Esther's house with my buddy Chris and she split and she said we could swim in her swimming pool during the summer. And as soon as she split, we just started running around the house looking through drawers, looking for stuff. And we found this pot, this big pot of hard wax on it, in it, like one of those pots you use to remove hair, like wax. Like, you see how this thing's worked, Drew?

55:53 Drew No.

55:54 Adam Yeah, Paul knows what I'm talking about.

55:56 Caller You heat it up, you put a pot of wax.

55:58 Paul Johansson You put a stick on it, you put it on your leg, you tear the hair off.

56:01 Adam So we were staring at it, and both Chris and I had like a monobrow. So he said, let's heat this pot up and rip off our monobrow.

56:07 Drew No way.

56:08 Adam So we put it in the kitchen, and we turn the flame all the way up, and we went by the pool.

56:13 Paul Johansson You forgot.

56:14 Adam We hung out. Oh my God. We forgot about it. And when we came in, the pot had caught on fire.

56:20 Paul Johansson The wax is burning.

56:20 Adam The wax is burning and the wax is like plastic. You know when you burn plastic, you see these little pieces of soot that sail up in the air and then they start clinging to everything. So the kitchen curtain was effed up. And then here's where we really got into trouble. We messed up the hood vent, like avocado colored hood vent got all screwed up. So we grabbed the Easy Off Oven Cleaner and sprayed it and swiped it and the paint came off. That's when I knew there was permanent damage done by the way.

56:47 Paul Johansson This is the best story of the night.

56:50 Adam We had the windows wide open in the kitchen trying to aerate the place.

56:54 Drew Did you smell the fire? Or how did you find out?

56:56 Adam Nah, we just came in at a certain point.

56:58 Paul Johansson Cut to her dad driving home in the car having a bad day.

57:01 Adam You know her dad was a badass. He drove a Ranchero.

57:03 Paul Johansson Oh yeah.

57:04 Adam So did mine.

57:05 Paul Johansson So did mine.

57:05 Caller That's a badass.

57:07 Paul Johansson Blue with a white stripe.

57:07 Adam Drunken, hockey, forward driving a Ranchero. Just a drunken Israeli driving a Ranchero.

57:13 Paul Johansson That's right.

57:14 Adam So he pulls, now the thing that was crazy is the kitchen window was right on the street, like eight feet away from the street. We had the windows wide open trying to ventilate the place. I was standing there like flapping my shirt trying to get the place thing. All of a sudden, Israeli mafia dad just pulls right up and stops right in front of the window. He's just looking at me, and I'm looking at him. And Chris looks at him and goes, I'm gone. And he hides. He literally just runs and hides in the backyard. And I'm like, oh my god, this is it. We're done. And he pokes his head out the window, and he goes, where is Esther? And I said, I don't know, she's not here. And he said, okay. And he puts it in gear and drives off. And I was like, oh my god, he didn't come in. How could he not come into his house? How often do you go home and not go into your house?

58:08 Caller And then he was going to your family's house. I don't know where he was going. Yeah.

58:13 Adam So I immediately found Chris like cowering in a hamper in like guest bedroom. I was like, could you get your ass out here? So we got to start cleaning this place up. So every time we cleaned up, this stuff would settle again, and then it would smear, and then there's black soot everywhere. And eventually we just had to, we had to pack our tent up.

58:32 Paul Johansson Did you ever get the eyebrow into the wall?

58:34 Adam Never did get the brow. And we split, and I remember the phone ringing at my house like an hour later. It's Essie's mom, P-O-D. Oh, and you know what? She did one of those things. Let me talk to your parents. We talked to parents. I was like, they're not here. By the way, if I say my dad's not here, he's either dead or I'm lying, because my dad's never left the house in 18 years.

58:57 Caller It's too cheap. It's too cheap to go anywhere.

58:59 Adam Even walking burns food, which burns calories, which costs money.

59:02 Caller It costs money to walk.

59:03 Adam So I said, she was screaming at me the whole time. We need a new kitchen. You know, you know how these moms go nuts. You know, we got to tear everything out and the refrigerator is ruined and everything's ruined. And I talked her down, got off the phone with her. And the following morning, Esther called me and she said, look, I'm going out to my grandma's house in Pasadena and I want some company. I'm bored. You got to drive with me. You owe me. You know, and I was like, all right, I'll ride with you. Come pick me up. And I was out in my driveway. She came pulling up and her mom was in the car. Set up ambush. Ambush. Ambush. You know, I was like, I wanted to run and hide with Chris and the hamper. I was piled in the car, shut the door and start in on me all the way to Pasadena. Yeah, it was rough.

59:50 Drew What was the point of that for mom?

59:52 Adam I think the point was is you got no money. Your loser dad's got no money. I'm at least going to yell at you for 30 miles and that will be that.

59:59 Caller How did she leave it?

1:00:01 Drew What was the final sort of?

1:00:04 Adam I don't know. She knew I was so anguished about the whole thing.

1:00:07 Paul Johansson Don't you think it serves her right for keeping a ball of wax in a bowl around some of the house?

1:00:12 Drew She isn't really hurtful. Leaving a couple of J.O.s loose in her house. She should take a couple of chimpanzees and cut them loose. I know. Or jackals or something.

1:00:21 Adam She told us to stay out by the pool.

1:00:22 Caller We immediately ran into her bedroom and started thrashing her in the garage.

1:00:25 Paul Johansson You guys may be able to discover something in there.

1:00:27 Adam Who knows? Yeah. We just start going nuts. And the pot of wax was in the room. You know, we wasn't sitting on the stove. Yeah, they should have left it out. Just don't leave it out. I'm thinking of suing them.

1:00:36 Drew Wild animals left free in the house.

1:00:38 Adam What are statues of limitations on suing neighbors?

1:00:40 Drew I think you got a case.

1:00:41 Adam How you doing? Easy.

1:00:42 Drew Easy.

1:00:42 Adam All right.

1:00:43 Caller I got to get some representation. Adam, when you were by the pool, were you saying, Adam.

1:00:46 Adam Corolla. No, we're playing Marco Polo. We didn't know any better. Yeah.

1:00:51 Caller Yeah.

1:00:53 Adam Gus?

1:00:54 Yeah, what's going on?

1:00:55 Adam Twenty-one. That's a good name. That's your buddy, Gus. Yeah.

1:01:01 My parents were probably stoned when they named me that.

1:01:03 Adam No, I would say drunk. Go ahead there, Gus.

1:01:09 Yeah. I've been with my fiance for quite a while. And every time we have sex, it's usually, you know, 45 minutes into it, she gets dry. And I have it.

1:01:20 Drew Most women will start to dry at about 10 or 15 minutes.

1:01:23 Really?

1:01:24 Drew Yeah. So you got to finish up quicker.

1:01:27 Caller Forty-five minutes.

1:01:28 Paul Johansson Wow.

1:01:28 Drew That's kind of crazy.

1:01:29 Paul Johansson Can we get a round of applause for him?

1:01:31 Drew Well, maybe not.

1:01:31 Adam You can, but we can.

1:01:33 Caller Okay.

1:01:33 Paul Johansson Thank you very, very well.

1:01:34 Drew Yeah. Most women don't, don't really, aren't really sort of, uh, interested.

1:01:39 Paul Johansson Well, maybe Gus is short for Gusto.

1:01:40 Drew They're not set up. They're not, they're not sort of, uh, wired, not wired, but they're sort of able to withstand.

1:01:45 Adam We're not plumbed that way.

1:01:47 Wow. I was also wondering, is, is there anything, you know, she can take or she can do to prolong it, to keep it from happening?

1:01:55 Paul Johansson It's not that he's selfish. He just wants to know.

1:01:58 Drew Wrap it up, wrap it up.

1:02:00 Caller I don't get mine, you know.

1:02:02 Drew Well, figure it out. You're hurting her. You're harming her.

1:02:04 Paul Johansson Now, what is the average time for intercourse anyway? Is there an average time?

1:02:07 Drew The average is, I was reading some down on this the other day. It's about seven minutes.

1:02:11 Paul Johansson Really?

1:02:12 Drew Yeah.

1:02:12 Adam Gus. Yeah.

1:02:15 Paul Johansson You're doing good, Gus. So a lot of girls appreciate that.

1:02:17 Adam Yeah. Not yours.

1:02:19 Paul Johansson Not yours.

1:02:20 She asked me to marry her.

1:02:22 Paul Johansson She asked you?

1:02:23 She asked me.

1:02:26 Paul Johansson Forty-five minutes.

1:02:27 Drew How old is she?

1:02:28 Caller She's twenty-one.

1:02:29 Adam You ever suffered any head trauma?

1:02:33 Paul Johansson Take your time, Gus. Let's take your time, brother.

1:02:35 Adam Yeah. Gus, smoke a ton of weed?

1:02:37 No. She's a very intelligent female who goes to college and she's going to get her liberal arts degree. She wants to be a teacher.

1:02:45 Adam Right. But why is she marrying you?

1:02:47 I guess because I'm in the Navy and she's attracted to a man in uniform, I guess. I don't know.

1:02:52 Drew That's what the detail is.

1:02:53 Paul Johansson At least it's not aesthetic.

1:02:54 Adam So Gus, here's the, what are you, a Boatswain's mate?

1:03:00 Caller I'm an Airman, actually. I work on the F-18 Super Hornet. What's your rank, sir?

1:03:05 Caller Super Hornet.

1:03:06 Caller I'm an E-2.

1:03:08 Adam What do you do on that Super Hornet?

1:03:10 Caller I work on all the avionics. Anything that has to do with computers on the aircraft, that's what I work on.

1:03:17 Adam Nice. Are you on a battleship?

1:03:20 Caller No, currently, I'm stationed in Lamore, California.

1:03:24 Adam You know, they say those battleships are like floating cities.

1:03:27 Caller You mean aircraft carriers?

1:03:28 Adam I mean aircraft carriers. Yeah, floating cities.

1:03:31 Caller All right.

1:03:32 Caller Yeah, I meant aircraft carriers.

1:03:34 Adam Hey, so why don't you see if you can have an orgasm, say, by minute 19?

1:03:41 Caller By minute 19.

1:03:42 Drew Kind of work on other... Do you think you could do that?

1:03:43 Paul Johansson And then maybe go again in half an hour.

1:03:45 Drew Right. And incorporate some other activities into your sessions that aren't... are just in intercourse.

1:03:50 Adam Are you not able to have an orgasm faster than 45 minutes?

1:03:55 Caller Uh, there was one time, uh, her mom, she lives with her parents still, her mom left to go pick up her little sister, and we had about 10 or 15 minutes of time there, and it was about 10 or 15 minutes, and I had got an orgasm.

1:04:10 Drew So you're able.

1:04:11 Adam Plus...

1:04:12 Caller I am able.

1:04:13 Adam You got to figure it out.

1:04:13 Caller I was just trying to beat the clock.

1:04:15 Adam Another three minutes to rearrange the stuffed animals on the kids' sister's bed.

1:04:19 Paul Johansson Is there a condition that when men can't climax?

1:04:21 Caller Sure.

1:04:22 Paul Johansson What's that? How's it what's the cause of it?

1:04:24 Drew Delay or, well, sometimes medication, sometimes it's just how the guys are. Some guys can take a long time. Yeah, just how they're wired. Some guys can't have orgasm at all during intercourse, have to sort of finish themselves off.

1:04:37 Paul Johansson But they can maintain the erection, they just can't have it. Very interesting.

1:04:42 Drew I just think that Paul would appreciate your sort of interpretation of your understanding of rape.

1:04:49 Caller Whoa! Well, I'm not a big fan.

1:04:51 Paul Johansson Can I just go on the record?

1:04:52 Drew But I think you'd appreciate this. I have a feeling you'd enjoy this.

1:04:55 Adam Why do you want to talk about rape?

1:04:57 Drew Come on, I'm just feeling that.

1:04:58 Paul Johansson I'm interested.

1:04:59 Caller Well, okay.

1:05:01 Adam I'm saying, Paul, rape is not a sexual crime. It is a violent crime where you come at the end.

1:05:14 Caller That's true.

1:05:16 Paul Johansson So this is the warped humor.

1:05:17 Caller I have to come to this little room with this.

1:05:22 Adam It is not a crime of sexuality. It is a crime of violence, pure and simple.

1:05:27 Drew Just like?

1:05:28 Adam Just like aggravated assault. If I came into your, let's say you were behind the counter at a liquor store and I came in there and I asked for a pack of cigarettes and I pistol-whipped you and bashed you over that, knocked you to the ground and then came, it would be no different.

1:05:45 Drew That's right.

1:05:46 Caller Than that. That would be no different. And then came.

1:05:48 Adam And then came. It is no different.

1:05:50 Paul Johansson Well, wouldn't that?

1:05:50 Adam Vehicular, like if I ran you over while you're crying and then came, and jack you up. It's like every violent crime that you come in.

1:05:59 Caller And at the end of it, you come.

1:06:01 Drew Well, it doesn't have to be the end necessarily, but you have to.

1:06:03 Paul Johansson So that's your definition of rape.

1:06:05 Caller Well, that's right.

1:06:05 Adam It's a violent, violent, violent crime where you come.

1:06:08 Caller But it's not a sexual.

1:06:10 Adam Not sexual.

1:06:10 Paul Johansson Not sexual. You know, I have rarely had a situation where the word rape and then a good laugh at the end.

1:06:16 Caller It's not the same sex.

1:06:17 Adam It's not asexual.

1:06:18 Paul Johansson Not asexual.

1:06:19 Drew Now, could there be sexual about it?

1:06:22 Adam I don't know why. Just cause you're coming.

1:06:23 Drew Just cause you're ejaculating.

1:06:24 Adam Yeah.

1:06:24 Caller Just cause you're ejaculating.

1:06:26 Adam You've had plenty of instances in your life where you've ejaculated. It's not been sexual at all, right?

1:06:30 Paul Johansson I've actually turned down roles in movies and TV shows because I didn't want to put myself in a situation where I would have to perform something like that.

1:06:39 Adam Really?

1:06:40 Paul Johansson Absolutely. I don't think I could, off the top of my head, remember one of them, but I've had hundreds, well, maybe thousands of auditions in my career. I've been here since 87 and I've been in this a long time.

1:06:49 Adam Yeah.

1:06:50 Paul Johansson And I've just, you know, I've just been, and many times, unable to, even when I'm in my rehearsal process, to get myself to a place where I could justify that type of performance because it's just too-

1:07:02 Drew I don't know, it's compensation.

1:07:03 Adam Wow.

1:07:04 Paul Johansson I don't know, man. I think a lot.

1:07:05 Drew I'm a rapist.

1:07:06 Adam Drew, please, please.

1:07:07 Paul Johansson No, it's just, you know, I just, I mean, I consider myself a fairly kind of intelligent and sensitive guy, but I'm a big guy and I've had to be in a lot of violent situations. And I know that-

1:07:19 Adam In the bedroom?

1:07:20 Drew You're gay. In life.

1:07:21 Caller In life, not just in the workplace.

1:07:22 Drew Yeah.

1:07:23 Paul Johansson I know where you're sitting too.

1:07:26 Drew But in life, not just in roles.

1:07:27 Paul Johansson I just think that, I just don't think I'm, I think it's a, you know, it's a, we, you know, you're in the entertainment business as well. You understand that things that you do can become very, they can, they can be hurtful and, and you know.

1:07:39 Adam Well, here's the, yeah, I would look, I wouldn't, you know, I, I see these.

1:07:43 Paul Johansson Can you perform, could you do a scene, say, where you had to rape a girl and, and?

1:07:47 Adam Maybe if I was my mom or something, but I don't think it's strange.

1:07:51 Paul Johansson Set up, set up.

1:07:52 Drew So you did a scene where you had sex with his mom.

1:07:54 Adam I, I, right? Oh, in the man show?

1:07:56 Paul Johansson Oh, I'm not, yeah, I have no problem with that. I'm very edible myself. First you have to kill your father.

1:08:00 Caller That was my real mom.

1:08:02 Adam Yeah.

1:08:03 Paul Johansson That's a Greek play, isn't it?

1:08:04 Adam Yeah, you know, no, it's true. You watch, like, you watch some of these movies. Like, I think I was watching a couple months back on, I don't know, Cinemax or Showtime or something. They had the Ted Bundy story. And whoever that poor actor had to play, Ted Bundy, is like, you know, always receiving oral sex and hitting someone with a brick and like crying at the same time. You just think to yourself, like as an actor, it just I mean, my hat's off to the guy, but I wouldn't want to. You know what I mean? Too weird. You know, just just I won't.

1:08:40 Paul Johansson I think I could do that easier than I could do. The you know, the rape thing.

1:08:43 Caller Well, he is real.

1:08:44 Adam He's raping and killing.

1:08:46 Paul Johansson Yeah. Yeah.

1:08:46 Adam I just don't mind the killing part.

1:08:48 Paul Johansson I don't mind the killing. I'll kill anybody. I mean, we could go through the motions now, but I think that the raping would be I think it would.

1:08:54 Adam What about raping and killing? It's tough because it's one thing you love and the other thing you love.

1:09:00 Paul Johansson I think I'm an overprotective person. I'm protective of my girlfriend, protect my sister and protect my mother. I'm very protective of, I guess, women. Yeah, I find it, you know, a hideous thing to see.

1:09:09 Caller What if your portrayal of a rapist could...

1:09:13 Adam What if your portrayal as a rapist could help rape victims and help people?

1:09:17 Paul Johansson Yeah, there's that argument too. I think there's better actors than me out there that could probably do that.

1:09:22 Caller Hatch.

1:09:23 Adam Oh, you mean Pack. You mean Pack. Here's another one of our rape jokes.

1:09:28 Caller In order to reach these kids, Pack will have to become a rapist.

1:09:35 Paul Johansson You heard that old joke. You ever hear that joke? There's a sick joke going around. One of my friends tells it and he says, an old man and a young girl or an old man, an older man is walking with a shovel through the woods with a young girl and she says, gosh, it's really scary here in these woods. And he goes, you think it's scary now? I gotta walk out of here alone. Oh, yeah, so it's that kind of a fun joke.

1:09:57 Adam Yeah, it's a fun joke.

1:09:58 Paul Johansson It's a lift me up joke.

1:09:59 Yeah, nice, nice.

1:10:01 Drew Awful.

1:10:01 Adam What are you, any more rape talk? You gotta get out of your system, Drew?

1:10:04 Drew It's out, it's out, done.

1:10:06 Adam All right, Paul Johansson, you know, he's a gentleman, he's a lover, he's a fighter, he's potentially a homicidal mania. But not a rapist. But not a rapist.

1:10:20 Caller But a rapist.

1:10:21 Adam He doesn't rape live people. I'm just thinking after he kills me, what might he do with my limp corpse? You know what I'm saying? That's all I'm thinking. Paul Johansson is here tonight.

1:10:32 Caller Put out the wax bowl.

1:10:33 Adam From Tree Hill, Wednesday nights, eight o'clock, www.wb. We'll take a quick break, be right back after this.

1:10:43 Caller Dude, you got issues.

1:11:10 Caller Yeah!

1:11:11 Adam We on? Yep. Yeah. What is up? Yeah. Paul Johansson here tonight from One Tree Hill. Wednesday nights, eight o'clock on the WB. Let's see, who were we going to talk to, Drew? Heather. Heather? All right. Heather?

1:11:31 Caller Yeah.

1:11:32 Adam You're 20?

1:11:34 Caller Correct.

1:11:35 Adam Yeah. What's up?

1:11:37 Caller Yeah. Well, right after my husband and I got married about a year and a half ago, he told me that he had been sexually abused from the time he was about eight until right after we started dating.

1:11:50 Drew Who was it? Whoa, hold on.

1:11:51 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

1:11:53 Drew Who was sexually abusing him?

1:11:55 Adam Right after you started?

1:11:57 Drew Yeah. Who was it?

1:11:59 Caller It was a family, quote unquote, friend.

1:12:03 Drew Was it a guy or a girl?

1:12:04 Caller A guy.

1:12:07 Adam Oh, well, true. The girl is not sexually abusing. That's not abuse.

1:12:10 Drew Well, if you started when you were a kid.

1:12:11 Adam That's called a mitzvah.

1:12:13 Paul Johansson You're talking about 11 or 12 years of abuse, she's saying, though.

1:12:16 Drew Yeah, that's better. Heather, he's going to have some identity issues, probably.

1:12:21 Adam How long have you guys been going out?

1:12:24 Caller Well, we've been married now for about 18 months and we dated for like about that much before that.

1:12:31 Adam So, he got abused from 11 to 17, essentially.

1:12:37 Caller From like 8 to 20, actually.

1:12:40 Drew Oh, my God.

1:12:42 Adam Just 12 years.

1:12:42 Drew Same guy?

1:12:43 Adam Wait a minute, how old is he now?

1:12:45 Caller He's 23.

1:12:46 Adam Oh, so he's three years older.

1:12:48 Drew Same guy? Same guy the same guy the entire time?

1:12:53 Caller Yeah, same guy. Yeah.

1:12:57 Adam Was a guy at the wedding?

1:12:59 Caller No, no. He, of course, had thought that that was a horrible idea, that he would want to marry somebody. And yeah.

1:13:09 Drew What?

1:13:10 Caller Yeah.

1:13:11 Adam Oh, OK. That does the guy does the guy who's who victimized your husband. Do you think he feels like your husband was his boyfriend?

1:13:23 Caller That's how he treated it. And actually, the guy's wife knew about it and thought it was similar to that, which is really sick.

1:13:32 Drew But why aren't you guys reporting this to the police? Why don't you call the police on this one?

1:13:37 Caller He's actually out of state now. We don't know where he is.

1:13:40 Adam Yeah. Well, that's the whole thing with criminals. They don't often just show up at the prison and let themselves in like Otis from Mayberry. You actually have to go find them sometimes.

1:13:51 Drew Why did he leave the state? Why did he leave the state?

1:13:56 Caller After we got married, he just left. I don't know.

1:14:01 Paul Johansson But do you think that maybe if this guy's done it to this boy that maybe he's done it to other boys that are underage and should be stopped?

1:14:08 Drew Right. That's the point. Yeah. For sure.

1:14:10 Caller I don't know.

1:14:11 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:14:13 Adam Well, Heather, we do know this is not something you get out of your system or it's some, you know, it's not like-

1:14:20 Paul Johansson Has your husband been in therapy?

1:14:23 Caller No.

1:14:24 Caller But I don't know. I'm not afraid about him becoming a pedophile because you know, I do understand a lot of what it's all about and the control issues and everything.

1:14:36 Paul Johansson Why did you marry him, darling, if you have these issues now?

1:14:38 Adam Wait a minute. Hold on a second. Bogus. Drew says bogus. But it's got a lot of specific information. Does. Was she crying or laughing?

1:14:46 Paul Johansson It sounded like she was laughing.

1:14:47 Adam It sounded like she was laughing to me too. Oh hell, what the hell?

1:14:51 Caller Let's talk to her.

1:14:53 Adam Heather.

1:14:54 Caller Yeah?

1:14:55 Adam Bogus?

1:14:56 Caller No.

1:14:57 Caller What are you doing?

1:14:59 Caller What's up?

1:15:00 Adam Are you crying?

1:15:02 Caller I am crying.

1:15:03 Drew About what?

1:15:03 Adam Why? Well, I mean about what, Drew?

1:15:06 Drew No, she was, she was said, I understand all this is no big deal and then breaks into tears. So what is it you're crying about?

1:15:11 Caller I'm, I don't know. It's just really hard for me. I'm, I don't know. I'm just afraid.

1:15:19 Adam Yeah.

1:15:19 Drew Of what?

1:15:21 Caller I don't know. My aunt had a similar thing happen to her and she had like a breakdown when she was in her 30s and she's still on medication for it and everything. I'm just afraid that you might just lose it.

1:15:38 Adam Yeah. Well, you would, I mean, that's not totally unfounded.

1:15:44 Paul Johansson And it might not be a bad thing if he loses it and he gets help. Covers it.

1:15:49 Adam You just hope he's not behind the wheel.

1:15:51 Drew Here's what happens with the guys. They don't necessarily develop severe psychiatric pathology where they're psychotic or they need to be chronically institutionalized or anything like that. They don't lose it, so to speak. They have trouble. They're prone to drug and alcoholism. They're prone to have issues around sexual identity, meaning he may like men and not really be talking to you about that. And they have about a 60% chance of acting out themselves on kids. So it's something that if he doesn't get treatment and help for, yeah, you're going to have some issues here. So I understand why we're not talking about how to get him to treatment.

1:16:30 Caller Well, he's in the Air Force and he's kind of afraid that that's going to hurt him.

1:16:35 Drew So you go to the, you go, there's tons of medical services there.

1:16:39 Paul Johansson They have counselors too.

1:16:40 Drew Yeah, you go to the psychiatric services. It's by definition, confidential, and you go in and get treatment.

1:16:46 Caller Yeah. And you don't think that's going to, because like when he's going, when he was getting into the Air Force, they wanted to know if he had ever had counseling or anything.

1:16:54 Drew Right.

1:16:55 Paul Johansson Yeah.

1:16:56 Adam Well, now he's in.

1:16:56 Paul Johansson The least thing you need to worry about is his career. You need to worry about his health and his mental health.

1:17:01 Adam Best day of his life if they tossed him out of the Air Force.

1:17:04 Caller Yeah.

1:17:05 Paul Johansson If you love him, you know, you're right. And you need to get this other guy, you need to report it to the police and get details on where he's at. Heather.

1:17:12 Caller Yeah.

1:17:12 Adam Yes. You must go to the law and he must get help. And marrying somebody who's been through this before they go into counseling is like buying a car, a used car before it gets pulled from the lake. You know what I mean? It's like pull it out, dry it off, clean it up, start it up, and then maybe we can see about it. It's still at the bottom of the lake.

1:17:41 Drew But she didn't know it. She didn't know it until after they were married.

1:17:46 Adam I don't know if she knew about that. And by the way, this 11 years thing or however many years this went on, 12 years, something's wrong with that story. Well, it transcends just out and out molestation because now the guy's 19, the guy's 20, and they're still having sex. And they're still going at it.

1:18:06 Drew Right, and he's got a girlfriend now, and he's still having sex with a guy. And she should get three months into his relationship with her.

1:18:12 Adam Alright, wait a minute, one last thing. Heather.

1:18:15 Caller Yeah?

1:18:16 Adam No kids, you two.

1:18:20 Caller My baby's actually right beside me.

1:18:22 Adam Alright, throw it out the window. Have a better chance.

1:18:26 Drew Get him some treatment, for god's sakes.

1:18:28 Adam Please get him some treatment, and no more kids.

1:18:30 Drew He might do something to the kid.

1:18:32 Adam No more kids.

1:18:33 Caller Yeah, but I don't see if there are only one, but I don't know.

1:18:37 Adam I know, but you're 20, you're due to crap out another 15 at this rate. Take it easy, no more kids. He gets therapy, you have no more kids, everything smooths out. All right. All right. All right, everybody.

1:18:51 Caller Oh my.

1:18:53 Adam And yes, this guy needs to be brought to justice. Sean?

1:18:57 Let's get it on.

1:18:59 Adam What's up?

1:19:00 Drew What does that mean?

1:19:00 Hey, what's up? Oh, first of all, I want to give you guys credit where credit is due. Thank you for scaring my ass straight, getting me on the straight and narrow.

1:19:08 Adam Thank you.

1:19:09 You guys took my call a couple of years ago and pretty much made me change from the way I am myself and because of that I got off my self-destructive path. My kids have a father now and everything's starting to fall into place. I just want to say thank you. I cannot thank you enough.

1:19:23 Adam Wow.

1:19:24 Caller There you go.

1:19:25 On behalf of my kids, I cannot thank you enough.

1:19:28 Adam What were you doing?

1:19:29 I was infidelity. I was kept trying to work out things with my wife and it just wasn't happening. We kept going through this cycle. We kept doing the crazy dance and I called you guys and I was totally expecting pretty much some cut and dry point A to point B advice. But Drew, you totally ripped into me.

1:19:51 Caller Oh my God.

1:19:52 I was pissed after that call. You really ripped into me and I carried that anger around for a couple of weeks because-

1:19:59 Adam Well, you were cheating on your wife?

1:20:02 Well, it was one of those things where yeah, I was doing that.

1:20:06 Adam Let me explain why Drew rips into cheaters. Not that he minds cheating, it's just his wife listens and he has to act and insulted when other people cheat because she's listening. Yeah, that's how it goes. Drew's like, huh? Oh my, that's an attack on your family. It is. Sweetie, you listening?

1:20:22 Caller You hear that?

1:20:23 Adam You hear what I, you heard my radio persona thinks of cheating?

1:20:26 Drew It's a compensation of what you're saying.

1:20:27 Adam How dare you?

1:20:28 Caller How?

1:20:28 Drew And how dare you? Yeah.

1:20:31 Caller I sit with Dick, sir.

1:20:33 Caller Good day.

1:20:35 Adam All right, now what are you saying, Sean? Fantastic, so now everything's cool.

1:20:38 Caller I'm saying, I'm saying I'm not back with my wife, but I saw what I was doing. That was my rock bottom. I broke the cycle. I stopped doing the crazy dance with her. I refused to.

1:20:49 I've been going to church.

1:20:51 Caller I've been listening to Loveline every night. I've been reading cracks and all sorts of other crap and doing everything I could for you.

1:20:57 Adam Another success story.

1:20:59 Drew Well done.

1:20:59 Caller Another Loveline success story.

1:21:01 Adam Yeah.

1:21:01 Caller And my kids play Adam Corolla in the pool. So there you go.

1:21:04 Drew Oh, there we go.

1:21:05 Adam Very good.

1:21:06 Drew Closes the loop.

1:21:07 Caller So I was watching TV the other day and I saw they're doing a little Comedy Central commercial where they're showing you the new shows coming out and it's a new series, Adam Corolla, and there's a picture of Adam Corolla's mug.

1:21:19 Adam Oh really?

1:21:19 Caller What, what, what, what?

1:21:20 Caller I have heard nothing of this on Loveline and I couldn't find anything on IMDB or anything.

1:21:25 Adam Well, we try not to talk about things other than my high school football stories and how much I hate my dad. We don't plug anything on this show.

1:21:35 Drew I have a show starting next week on Discovery Health Channel.

1:21:37 Caller Discovery Health Series, that's right.

1:21:39 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Well, this is about Adam Corolla.

1:21:41 Drew I'm just saying.

1:21:42 Paul Johansson It's a weekly anthology series?

1:21:43 Drew It's a weekly show.

1:21:44 Adam Yeah. Okay. When did this turn into Drew's show?

1:21:47 Caller Adam Corolla.

1:21:50 Adam Yeah. Okay. So here's the deal, Sean. It's a half hour nightly show after the Daily Show.

1:21:59 Caller Oh, okay.

1:22:01 Caller Is it just you talking about your dad in high school football?

1:22:03 Adam It's pretty much, pretty much. Yeah.

1:22:05 Drew What else are you talking about?

1:22:06 Adam Yeah.

1:22:07 Caller Looks like the Loveline extension.

1:22:08 Adam Yeah. I think sort of Larry King with fluid in his body.

1:22:15 Caller Go Suspenders.

1:22:16 Adam Nah, one. Thank you.

1:22:20 Drew Ace Suspender.

1:22:21 Adam Ace Suspender attached to A under pant. Go Tarzan style. This one crosses over, goes that way. One nut showing.

1:22:31 Drew It's all class.

1:22:32 Adam All class. All right, should we take a, yeah, that, I wonder what that was. Comedy Central. I'm sure it was a horrible picture. That'll be, I don't know when that starts. It's August. Middle of, beginning of August.

1:22:47 Drew I'm actually gonna need Loveline listeners' help next Wednesday to turn on Discovery Health Channel at 10 o'clock, or nine o'clock. I'm not sure what time it is.

1:22:54 Adam We better figure that out, Drew.

1:22:55 Drew I will, by Wednesday I'll figure it out.

1:22:56 Adam Turn another show that may be on at nine o'clock, One Tree Hill.

1:22:59 Caller Oh, for Wednesday? But you can Tivo your name, Dr. Drew.

1:23:01 Paul Johansson Eight o'clock, and then they can find out what time it's at.

1:23:03 Drew Yeah, but not all listeners don't have Tivo, do they?

1:23:05 Paul Johansson I think a lot of people are getting it.

1:23:07 Drew I hope so, but our listeners.

1:23:11 Adam Let's take a little break. Paul Johansson here tonight and we'll be right back after this.

1:23:21 Caller Love Line, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:23:24 Caller We'll be right back.

1:23:34 Adam Hey, everybody. Love Line, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Paul Johansson is here tonight. He is from One Tree Hill. He plays Dan Scott. He's the big hunky guy with the cast on his arm. Wednesday nights, 8 o'clock on the WB. New time, new day, new everything. Old scripts though, ironically. It's going with the same ones from Season 1.

1:23:57 Drew Oh, nice.

1:23:58 Adam You know what they're doing? They're mixing up the pages.

1:24:01 Drew Oh, wow. That'll be interesting.

1:24:02 Adam Yes. It'll be like page 1, page 9, page 3, page 46.

1:24:06 Drew Great.

1:24:07 Adam It's not going to make sense, but you should watch it. It's going to be a train wreck. It's going to be hard to stop watching. I would like to do a one-hour drama where that was the whole thing. We write the script, and then we throw it in one of those, we hit it with a leaf blower, and we have the gardener put it back together in whatever order.

1:24:26 Paul Johansson There are some shows that seem like that, aren't there?

1:24:27 Adam We do it exactly the same as it comes out.

1:24:29 Drew Oh, yes.

1:24:30 Adam Yeah? We call the show One Mad Lib, or something like that. We'll work it out. Yeah?

1:24:37 Drew Yeah, perfect.

1:24:38 Adam All right. Let's talk to Aaron Masturbates. Listen, the name Aaron, does it need two A's at the top? You know what I mean? Yeah.

1:24:49 Paul Johansson Old Hebrew name, isn't it?

1:24:51 Adam Seems like it. I'd say we could get away with one. Oh, let me tell you something bad. I had to bite my lip.

1:24:58 Paul Johansson Okay.

1:24:58 Adam My, I got a new assistant. It's a long story. Super gay. Fine with that part. He was spelling his name to somebody on the phone the other day.

1:25:10 Drew You went off after him.

1:25:11 Adam No, I just had to bite my lip. His name is Matthew. He was like M-A-T-T-H. I was like, two T's with the Matthew. A lot of people do that.

1:25:25 Caller Yeah. Really?

1:25:25 Drew Usually the last name that does that, though.

1:25:27 Caller Yeah.

1:25:31 Adam My sister's name is Lauren. She tried to change it to L-A-U-R-Y-N. I was like, are you high? You think I'm doing that? By the way, I never write your name down. So there you go.

1:25:41 Caller I just say it.

1:25:42 Adam And when I say it, I'm going to think E-N.

1:25:45 Paul Johansson But there was a time, I think, just in the, I think in the early 1900s, when there was a movement in America to truncate words or to make them more phonetic and to like to even spell them without K.

1:25:55 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm, that's what I'm about.

1:25:57 Paul Johansson There was a big movement.

1:25:58 Drew I mean, I like the way, I once had a skit where they were going to shorten the alphabet and make el-a-men-o one letter.

1:26:04 Adam Oh, yeah. I like that whole, you know, phonetic truncation thing, because that's how I spell anyway. Even when I'm trying, that's how I spell. Aaron?

1:26:14 Caller Yeah.

1:26:16 Adam You're 23.

1:26:18 Caller That's correct.

1:26:20 Adam What's up?

1:26:21 Caller Not much. You guys rock.

1:26:24 Adam Thanks.

1:26:26 Caller I'm trying to settle something with my girlfriend here. We were having a conversation about a week ago, and we were talking about masturbation. I asked her how many times she masturbated, and she said that she masturbates maybe once a week, if that. And I was like, well, then she asked me, and I told her that I masturbate about four to five times a day. And she flipped out, like she thought that was the most disgusting thing she had ever heard, and she thinks that I'm normal, and yeah. So.

1:27:06 Adam Yeah. All right. You freaked around. By the way, listen, why get into these stupid conversations? This is one thing you learn when you get older, that stupid, we're going to come clean, be as.

1:27:16 Paul Johansson And you know what the truth is? He did tell the truth.

1:27:18 Adam I know. And now it's haunting.

1:27:21 Paul Johansson He should be allowed to tell the truth and I'll be like.

1:27:23 Adam Well, you can confess to a murder doesn't mean you get let go.

1:27:28 Drew Truth does not.

1:27:29 Adam It doesn't set anyone free. Well, it actually sets you free in the sense that you break up.

1:27:33 Paul Johansson You're calling out her inability to accept him as he is.

1:27:37 Adam Yeah, but we don't need to know everything about everyone. And when you get older, you just realize you don't need to know all that. How many people you've been with. And I was with this person once that did this or did that or whatever. I mean, here's how often I beat off or any of that nonsense. You just leave it alone.

1:27:54 Drew Aaron, are you spending money doing this?

1:27:57 Caller Spending money?

1:27:58 Adam Yeah.

1:27:59 Caller No, I mean, I got like hand-me-down porn, you know?

1:28:02 Drew Are you doing anything dangerous? Are you hurting yourself physically?

1:28:07 Caller No.

1:28:08 Drew Are you going to prostitutes or anything of that nature?

1:28:11 Caller No, no, no, no.

1:28:14 Adam How about your girl, though, knowing that you're thinking of someone other than her, you know, five, six times a day?

1:28:20 Drew Is that bugger?

1:28:21 Caller Yeah, that bugs her a little bit.

1:28:23 Paul Johansson That's what this is about.

1:28:25 Caller But, I mean, she's got to accept that. I mean, I told her, you know, no matter what a guy says, they watch porn, period.

1:28:33 Drew Let me ask a couple more questions. Is there shame involved with this? Do you feel out of control with it, like you'd like to do less?

1:28:40 Caller Not at all.

1:28:42 Drew Hang on, were you sexually abused growing up?

1:28:45 Caller No.

1:28:46 Drew All right. There you go.

1:28:47 Adam I just learned to lie, would you?

1:28:50 Caller What's that? Learn to lie?

1:28:52 Adam Learn to lie. Let me say this.

1:28:54 Drew Well, no, learn to keep private things private. How about that?

1:28:56 Adam How about this, Drew? Think about this for a second. I was given a little sperm sample at the fertility claim. Well, that was a couple of weeks ago.

1:29:05 Drew Oh, yeah, yeah.

1:29:05 Adam I had to check it out, you know, trying to get, we're trying to get pregnant, Andrew. And I thought to myself, you know, this was just to have the thing checked out. But if you do go for artificial insemination, they need another sperm sample. And they send you into the room with a stack of gents and a couple of movies. So that means your kid, you were thinking of candy samples when you inseminate, when you actually had your kid. Like the sperm that produced your kid, yeah, you know, that was...

1:29:39 Caller That's not exactly...

1:29:40 Adam That was Christie Canyon.

1:29:42 Paul Johansson That sperm was made six weeks earlier anyway, wasn't it? Something to that effect?

1:29:46 Adam By the way, I can get some of Paul's sperm. That's good sperm.

1:29:49 Paul Johansson But you know, this kid, this kid that just called...

1:29:51 Caller Hold on.

1:29:53 Paul Johansson Let's take another perspective on this thing.

1:29:55 Adam I'm not going to be able to do it without your help, first off.

1:29:59 Paul Johansson I got one hand. I can't even hold the material to look at.

1:30:02 Adam I'll get it out of you. Don't you worry. Just look. You need to just focus. Close your eyes. Yeah. I'm just saying that's some world class sperm there.

1:30:13 Paul Johansson But you guys, you're telling this guy that...

1:30:15 Adam I'm not done with your sperm.

1:30:16 Paul Johansson Oh, jeez. I'm trying to get off the subject.

1:30:18 Adam Where's the wax bowl?

1:30:21 Paul Johansson Pass the wax bowl.

1:30:22 Adam All right. Go ahead. I'm sorry.

1:30:23 Paul Johansson I just think this kid... Listen, my opinion is you guys know I'm not going to come here and agree with everything you're saying. You probably won't ever invite me back again, but I think the kid's right.

1:30:31 Caller See, he's a kid.

1:30:32 Paul Johansson You just said it yourself. You said, hey, you're young. He's a kid. He's going to masturbate. He's being honest about it. And what we're telling him is to lie. What I'm saying is, hey, maybe your girlfriend, the other approach would be for her to open her mind and say, hey, instead of you masturbating five times a day, maybe we'll play around a little bit more together safely or whatever you do and incorporate her. I mean, why does it have to be without her?

1:30:51 Adam Well, let me say this. He's 23, which isn't a kid. He's not 19. He's on the cusp. He's young. He's 23. Drew was through with medical school. Through with medical school?

1:31:03 Drew Oh, I was 24. I was through.

1:31:04 Adam All right. So you're well into medical school and beating off nine, ten times a day. The point is...

1:31:10 Drew Other things keep me busy.

1:31:12 Adam When you tell your gal pal that you're having at yourself once, twice a day, that's perfectly fine. She asked.

1:31:19 Paul Johansson He didn't offer.

1:31:19 Adam Well, he brought it up, basically, want to know what she was doing. But here's my point. You tell a chick who does it once a week, you do it once a day, and they're like...

1:31:29 Paul Johansson Don't women generally do it less anyway?

1:31:31 Caller A lot less.

1:31:32 Adam They're like, all right, that's what a guy does. When you start saying six, seven times a day, you freak them out a little bit.

1:31:40 Drew She's thinking every time you go to the bathroom, every time I don't see you, that's what you're doing. That's gross.

1:31:44 Adam Now look, maybe she should be able to handle it.

1:31:49 Caller Does he have a job?

1:31:50 Caller Right, right.

1:31:51 Adam I think this is it. Aaron?

1:31:53 Caller Yeah.

1:31:54 Drew All right, do you have a job?

1:31:56 Caller I'm unemployed.

1:31:57 Paul Johansson There you go, I'd be at it too if I was unemployed.

1:32:00 Drew Focus on some other activity. Again, one of the things you sort of use as a qualifier of whether or not somebody has sexual addiction is consequence. And if it's preventing you from getting on with other things, if it's destroying a relationship, it could be sexual addiction.

1:32:13 Adam Well, let me say something too. Guys will get depressed, they'll not be busy, and they'll start beating off too much. And then they get into these shame spirals. Devil makes work for idle hands.

1:32:27 Drew Absolutely.

1:32:28 Adam Yes.

1:32:29 Paul Johansson Well, this applies really well to that.

1:32:30 Adam Idle hand. No, it really does. Guys, really young...

1:32:34 Drew Then they get more ashamed, more disgusted, they masturbate more.

1:32:37 Adam Males, young males need to be in like the military, trying out for some sports franchise, on a construction crew where they get up at six every morning and they come home and collapse at five in the afternoon. You know what I mean? You need to take those guys and work them. Otherwise, society's gonna have a problem. You know what I'm saying?

1:32:58 Drew Drowning in semen.

1:32:59 Adam Drowning in semen and tsunami.

1:33:05 Paul Johansson But I applaud you for being honest and I say stay the course being honest and find a girl that's going to be a little more understanding and open-minded. And you'll get through this. Get a job.

1:33:15 Adam Seven times a day is gonna be a tough sell for almost any girl.

1:33:18 Paul Johansson When you get your job on TV, you'll be perfect.

1:33:20 Adam You need to find a girl you haven't told this to before and shut your pie hole. That's my advice.

1:33:25 Caller We'll take a quick break.

1:33:26 Adam We'll be right back after this. Well, I want to give some thanks for our thanks are due. First, I want to thank Paul for coming in here tonight, One Tree Hill, Wednesday night, eight o'clock on the WB. Come back anytime.

1:34:12 Paul Johansson Yeah, thanks for having me.

1:34:13 Adam We, he's a thought-provoking guest, right?

1:34:16 Drew Yes, indeed.

1:34:16 Adam Yes?

1:34:17 Drew Challenging.

1:34:18 Adam Challenging, all right.

1:34:19 Paul Johansson I didn't mean to give you a hard time.

1:34:20 Adam No, it was perfect. Everything you did was perfect. You did exactly what a guest should do. Now leave.

1:34:27 Caller No.

1:34:28 Adam I want to thank a big tip of the hat to phone screener Brian. This is his last night with us. He's been with us for a number of years and is surely appreciated. Are you gay, Brian?

1:34:40 Caller I am.

1:34:41 Adam All right. That's him, everybody. God bless phone screener Brian. We wish him well. I want to thank engineers, Michelle and junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior producer, Lawrence, senior producer and the magic fingered one, the Liberace of the Potentiometers, everyone, engineer Anderson and engineer Chris. And who the hell else? Oh, Patricia, the new phone screeners. Well, good job. So until next time, this Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying Drew doesn't bother. You don't have to talk at all at the end of the show.

1:35:18 Drew Nice.

1:35:18 Adam We get paid the same.

1:35:20 Drew We can do.

1:35:20 Adam Sayin mahalo.

1:35:22 Drew Yes, sir, Ms. Corolla.

1:35:25 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:35:29 Caller The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, June 2, 2005