Episode 1000710693729

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content.

1:07 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline. Loveline, Loveline, Loveline, Loveline, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-er. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Yeah, buddy. Yeah.

1:34 Drew So, I was jabbing at you before the mics heated up. Runaway Bride going into treatment.

1:39 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

1:40 Drew Wonder what that could be for.

1:41 Adam Well, what is it for, Drew?

1:43 Drew I'm sure it's amphetamines. I'm just totally convinced.

1:46 Adam Here's the thing that gets Drew's eye up is the news just basically takes these stories and they connect them to the title of a famous movie and then they say things like cold feet and had second thoughts, left a groom on the altar.

2:05 Drew They make a story out of something, a very serious medical problem.

2:08 Adam Somebody has, somebody is going through some sort of withdrawal, somebody has a mental affliction, something's going on.

2:15 Drew And then their minister gets on and goes, oh, she needs to talk. And I said, I don't want to only talk that cures this. She's in a psychotic state. She's fleeing, disorganized, doesn't know where she is, has a history of compulsive stealing. Okay, this is a serious psychiatric.

2:30 Adam There's a lot of BS in our society.

2:32 Drew Well, not only that, though. I tell you what got me on this one.

2:35 Adam But the news doesn't do a good job of covering things.

2:38 Drew Let me tell you something. Of all the shows I've ever participated in, the Today Show is the most comfortable and the most honest. And I piped up and told them I thought this was a speed thing. And they were like, well, we can't. So before I went on with them, Matt Lauer said to the minister, we hear might be, is it possible some drugs or alcohol are involved here? Oh, no, absolutely not. That's what I'm mad about now. First of all, they believed him and me because he's a man. He lied. And as a minister, we all back down from it. Oh, forget it then. Okay, you're right.

3:04 Adam Yeah, I know. And by the way, these people, the ministers, people of the church, they don't deserve a whole lot of respect in my opinion. But secondly, Drew, you think everything's drug related. Drew thinks the Titanic was sunk by cocaine.

3:18 Drew Am I ever wrong?

3:19 Adam Yeah, well, when you argue with me, you're wrong a lot. But everyone else, no. No, you're not, but you are a little reactionary sometimes and you like to spin it into your jurisdiction.

3:31 Drew Here's the deal, it could be bipolar, but they would have stepped up and gone, oh, she's got a chemical imbalance, we're gonna straighten that out, she'll be fine. They didn't do that. Could be a chronic borderline with a lot of chaos in a relationship. Wasn't that, the parents didn't fit that profile. Wasn't that? Could be a medical condition like hyperthyroidism with the crazy eyes.

3:49 Adam Drew, what about cold feet?

3:51 Drew Yeah, no way.

3:51 Adam She had cold feet.

3:52 Drew Yeah.

3:53 Adam Yeah. No, I know. The media is horrible. They don't get to anything good.

3:57 Drew No. Or real.

3:58 Adam And it's all BS, like these guys that have been, you know, they're alcoholics, they've been drinking, and they do that, these celebrities, and they do those stories where they come home, and one day they were drunk, and they looked into the eyes of their daughter, and the daughter says, Daddy, why do you act funny when you drink that wine, and I put down the bottle, and I never picked it up again?

4:18 Drew That is the bewitched episode where she vanishes, and the guy turns the bottle upside down and shakes his head. That's the same degree of fantasy.

4:26 Adam My wife said she was going to divorce me and force me into rehab. That's how it goes.

4:30 Drew Oh, and then the police and the courts, and yeah, that.

4:32 Adam Katie?

4:34 Hello?

4:34 Adam You're 20?

4:35 Caller Yep.

4:36 Adam What's up?

4:38 Caller Okay, on Friday, I think it was, my boyfriend and I had anal sex, and ever since then, my butthole has itched.

4:47 Caller Is that normal or what can I do for that? Do you?

4:51 Adam Well, you got to get a bottle brush. So the way you can itch your butthole.

4:55 Drew It's sort of hard for me to understand why people would be confused that there could be persistent.

4:59 Adam This could be bogus. It could be bogus.

5:02 Drew Yeah, because I am kind of confused. It's too, when I'm confused.

5:05 Adam It's not a medical question.

5:07 Caller No, I didn't, because I read online that it might be a yeast infection, but I don't know.

5:12 Drew What have you tried so far?

5:14 Caller I haven't done anything.

5:17 Drew Warm baths doesn't feel better when you take a shower?

5:20 Caller Um, a little.

5:23 Drew All right, get some Anusol cream, warm baths, and realize you can hurt yourself with this, all right? This is the beginning of a long history, a long stretch of anal symptoms.

5:34 Adam Yeah. Hey, Katie, did you enjoy it?

5:38 Um, I was kind of drunk, so.

5:43 Adam All right. You're going to do it again?

5:46 Caller Um, I don't know.

5:49 Adam Okay.

5:49 Drew Okay. Did I just arrive on a planet where people just sort of out of it?

5:53 Adam Junior college, Katie?

5:56 No.

5:57 Adam Okay.

5:57 Drew No college.

5:58 Adam Hold on a second. Is there something wrong with the phones where there's like a three Mississippi thing?

6:01 Drew That's what I'm wondering. Did I land on a planet where I don't speak?

6:04 Adam Well, I can't tell if there's something wrong with the phone lines or not. It legitimately sounds like. How old are you? Are you going to do this again?

6:13 Drew No.

6:14 Adam No, no. One Mississippi, two Mississippi. No. Even for the one syllable answers, there's like a there's like a Mississippi. And I can't we've had phone line problems in the past. I'm not sure if that's what's going on.

6:25 Drew Katie, answer this question as quickly as possible. Do you hear me?

6:31 Caller Yeah.

6:32 Drew Still a beat.

6:33 Adam Something's up with the phone.

6:34 Drew Maybe.

6:35 Adam Katie, we're never going to be able to tell. Did you answer that immediately?

6:40 Caller Yeah.

6:42 Drew It's the strangest beat. It's not really even a trotting.

6:46 Caller Yeah.

6:47 Adam We're going to we're going to play a little trivia game, all right?

6:50 Caller Okay.

6:51 Adam You chime in as fast as you can with your answer, all right?

6:55 Caller Okay.

6:56 Okay.

6:59 Adam The colors of the American flag are red, white.

7:03 Caller And blue.

7:05 Adam Okay.

7:07 Drew I don't think there's a delay.

7:09 Adam I think it was her.

7:10 Drew It's in her brain.

7:11 Adam Katie, what do you do for a living?

7:13 Caller I work at a coffee shop.

7:15 Adam All right. And what's going on? What's the future hold besides copious amounts of anal sex?

7:22 Caller I am not sure. I'm going to school right now, and I'm just a sophomore, so I really don't know what I want to do.

7:28 Adam What school are you going to?

7:31 Caller It's the University of St. Thomas.

7:33 Drew Oh, it's a good school.

7:34 Adam It is?

7:34 Drew First school I ever spoke at.

7:36 Adam Really? Well, it must be a great school.

7:38 Drew No, it's pretty good.

7:38 Adam Have you seen the plaque honoring Dr. Drew in front of the auditorium?

7:43 Caller I have not seen that. I will look at that, though.

7:45 Adam All right. You know what, Katie? Katie's warming up. Yeah, I can feel her loosening up.

7:50 Drew She's just nervous.

7:51 Adam Yeah. Okay. So, anal sex, ass itch, take a sits back.

7:56 Drew Hot baths and anusal cream.

7:57 Adam Anusal cream. Do you rub that right on your ass?

8:00 Drew Right on.

8:00 Adam Right in it. What do you put it on with? Finger?

8:03 Drew Toilet paper.

8:04 Adam Toilet paper?

8:05 Drew Novel, huh?

8:07 Adam It's not just for wiping anymore. What if we took toilet paper and impregnated it with anusal? Just in general, medicated toilet paper.

8:16 Drew That would be like those Mr. Clean swipes.

8:20 Adam Yeah, but I'm just saying, there's a lot of medication that needs to get on your ass. You see those applicators.

8:26 Drew Those touch pads, basically.

8:27 Adam Yeah, and they're intimidating. How about just medicated toilet paper?

8:32 Drew Perfect. It's a great idea.

8:33 Adam Write that down. Let me tell you, I was going off about my Attack Crows today to a captive audience that was, seemed to act delighted when I told them about-

8:43 Drew It must be your employees.

8:45 Adam I was doing a photo shoot and they all had to listen to me.

8:48 Drew Oh no.

8:50 Adam Poor people. Yeah, it was awesome. But I was saying, I was saying when I was yelling about my Attack Crows, which is really an idea I keep falling more and more in love with. A, they would just hang out at your house on your roof.

9:03 Drew Yeah.

9:03 Adam And it would be like an early warning thing, too. Like some intruder hops the fence and is heading up the driveway. You just do what's that. What's that commotion?

9:11 Drew Yeah.

9:11 Adam You know what I'm saying? Guy does not. Guy doesn't get to the front door. The guy's getting hit out on the street. He have four or five of them just sort of work the perimeter. Also, crapping on neighbors cars when they tell you to turn the stereo down and that kind of stuff. Just this is downtime stuff. You know, this is when you're not traveling.

9:29 Drew This is the right. This is just sort of their extracurricular.

9:33 Adam Yeah, just hanging out on the roof, effing with the neighbor's car, effing with the cats. Some kid, one of those inner city kids comes by and wants to sell you candles for eight bucks a pop. Boom, he's running down the street.

9:44 Drew I wonder if we could get somebody who's an animal trainer, a bird trainer to call in, or at least maybe during the day call in and our producer at K-Rock in Los Angeles.

9:50 Adam I wanna know.

9:51 Drew If they can get about three of those birds set up and we'll take them over to your house.

9:55 Adam I wanna know.

9:55 Drew And we'll start living with them.

9:56 Adam Yeah, it's gonna be awesome. Eventually, I'll break them and have them inside the house.

10:00 Drew Yeah, yeah.

10:02 Adam It'll be awesome if people come and see my giant crows. And one other thing about the Attack Crow that I think would be cool. You know, they're always flying over your car or they're always on the parapet of the building that you come walking out of. And so it would be cool. You'd actually, if you had Attack Crows, you'd be hoping you've got carjacked or caused in the street, cause you'd be like this, like you'd come walking out the sidewalk at night after the movie or something. You'd be walking down to your car, some guy jump in front of you and be waving a knife around, come on, give me your wallet. You'd just be laughing.

10:30 Drew Mr. Incredible.

10:31 Adam Yeah, you'd just be going five, four, three.

10:35 Oh, they got here early.

10:36 Adam They just assumed pounce on his head. It would be awesome. Oh man. Gotta work that out, Drew. Really better than my venereal sniffing dogs. Possibly better. Sarah, you're 21. I would like to harness all the animals of the kingdom. You know what I mean?

10:54 Drew You'd be like the land-based Aquaman.

10:56 Adam I'm saying right now, we are effing cows in the A. You know what I mean? There ain't nothing we don't get from a cow. Whether it's steaks, burgers, we ground up, we're using their pelts on our car seats. We use everything. We're making gelatin out of them. There's nothing out of that cow we don't get. Meanwhile, crows, untapped resources.

11:16 Drew I see. And they deserve to be tapped.

11:19 Adam Well, if you're a cow-

11:20 Drew You notice there weren't many crows. Well, certainly in Southern California, you never saw crows grow up.

11:23 Adam They're all over the place. All over the place.

11:26 Drew They tend to pop in there.

11:27 Adam I'm just saying, there's other animals we can tap into.

11:30 Drew Good point.

11:31 Adam Why do cows get the ass kicked out of them all day long? You know what I mean? Let's get into some birds. Or whatever. Not just cows. Are you ready?

11:40 Yeah.

11:42 Adam Sarah?

11:45 Say hello.

11:46 Drew Oh boy. What are they doing?

11:48 Adam I don't know.

11:49 Drew Sarah? What the hell was that?

11:53 Adam A lot of difficulty with folks getting out of the blocks the last couple of days. You know what I mean? Just trouble starting.

12:00 Drew Yes.

12:00 Adam Getting trouble moving.

12:03 Drew The neurons aren't firing. You can even hear it in their voice.

12:06 Adam Well, you look at it this way. Your brain is a computer and we're talking a lot of Tandy's from 1984. You know what I mean? It takes a while to boot up. Don't get that DSL line going up their ass.

12:18 Drew No, no, no. All right.

12:20 Adam We'll talk to Jeff. Jeff. Jeff? Hello? Jeff.

12:28 Drew Is there a tornado where you are? What's happening?

12:30 Caller What's up?

12:32 Drew Yeah.

12:32 I had a question for Dr. Drew about his comment he made last night. Not to quote you, but I believe he said something about, you were talking about welfare cases and these kids popping out, babies like rabbits. And you said, well, George Bush has got a military to run and he needs people to fill those slots.

12:48 Drew And we said, why isn't George Bush doing something about this? And I said, maybe he has a sinister reason like, oh, and that was the purpose of that comment.

12:58 Adam But I know what you're saying, Jeff. That's the way it went down.

13:01 Right. Well, I just wanted to clarify because it could have come across wrong. You know, some people like I just understood.

13:07 Well, no, it didn't.

13:10 Adam Here's the reality, Jeff. No one ever wants to talk about this, but the military, for the most part, the enlisted guys are filled with the folks that aren't going to college, by and large, doesn't make them less heroic. It just means you show me a society filled with Drew's kids, and I'm going to show you a relatively empty military. You show me a bunch of guys that are bound for Harvard and Yale. I'm going to show you nobody over in Iraq.

13:40 Drew Well, a draft.

13:41 Adam You're going to have to get a draft going.

13:43 Yeah, I agree. However, however, myself, for example, graduated high school, didn't go to college before I came in the military, but the military has all opportunities for people who are in the military, free college.

13:56 Adam Yeah.

13:56 So, you know, for the most part, they're educating themselves while they're in the military.

14:04 Drew No, we're very supportive. Don't get us wrong that way.

14:06 Adam No, no, we're supportive, but we're realistic, Jeff. I think the military is the best thing that ever happened, especially to young men.

14:15 Drew I think all everyone ought to go through it, really. Well, I did.

14:20 Adam We don't need.

14:22 I agree. The president should do something about these people popping out babies left and right.

14:27 Adam Yeah. Thanks, Jeff. Here's the deal. For guys, the most number one thing you need is discipline.

14:33 Drew Right.

14:34 Adam And the number one thing you don't have is a horrible, slacker, stoner high school student who's pulling Ds and Fs your senior here and not going anywhere is discipline. You don't have the discipline. And the discipline, unfortunately, needs to be sort of beat in you. And I don't mean physically beat in you, but almost.

14:52 Drew It needs to be.

14:52 Adam You got to get up at 6 a.m. and start doing.

14:55 Drew Vigorously put in you over a long period of time.

14:58 Adam Yeah.

14:58 Drew You got to get used to it over a couple of years.

15:00 Adam You need Lou Gossett Jr. yelling, don't eyeball me, boy! And just staring down his moustache at you. That's especially what males need. And females too, a handful of them, but mostly males who don't have it. Every guy I went to high school with that didn't go to college should have went to military. Instead.

15:18 Drew They went to jail.

15:19 Adam Well, they either went to junior college, which is really not college, and it certainly ain't the military. Junior college just means float in when you want and don't worry about missing a day. We won't call your house. And now all bets are off. Now the wheels has come off the wagon. The guy who was the poor student turns into a horrible stoner student. He didn't even stop showing up at school. No, if you're F up and you're 18 and you have no direction, especially if you're a male, go into the military, get some direction, get some discipline. And then when they kick you out in four years, you know what it's like to get up in the morning and go to work. You can perform a little bit. I'm fine with that. But on the other hand, let's not be unrealistic or let's not be delusional. The people that go in aren't the folks that are bound for college. One out every, you know, there's a couple of Pat Tillmans every once in a while. But by and large, people don't have a lot of opportunities, a lot of other choices. Fine. Go get some discipline.

16:14 Drew Esther.

16:15 Adam Is that Esther? That is Esther. Yeah. Hold on. Engineer Chris. How about the military?

16:21 Caller Dude, I got Cs and Ds in high school.

16:23 Adam You got Cs and Ds?

16:24 Drew I didn't get Ds and Fs.

16:25 Adam You got Cs and Ds? When do you graduate in junior college?

16:30 I don't know, man.

16:31 Adam Coming up, though?

16:32 This June.

16:32 Adam This June?

16:33 Drew Really? Yeah. Oh, we have to... Next month? Are you sure? Next month?

16:38 Caller We'll see.

16:40 Adam We'll see.

16:40 Drew We need to have a celebration. No, no, no.

16:42 Adam Hold on. Hold on. Yeah, we will if it happens.

16:44 Drew Next month? Yeah.

16:46 Adam No, really?

16:46 Drew And then I'll be transferring.

16:48 Adam You'll be transferring where? I don't know. You'll be transferring to Leisure World. You'll be in your 60s.

16:54 Caller It's not a nice place.

16:56 Adam It could be. I'd like to go there. Hey, really? So you're transferring to a four-year university?

17:02 Drew Hopefully, yeah.

17:03 Adam All right. But you're probably not going to graduate in June.

17:07 Drew I don't know.

17:07 Caller We'll see.

17:08 Drew I have to figure out all my credits or options. Yeah.

17:11 Adam Well, you're taking one class right now.

17:14 Drew I know.

17:14 Adam So if you pass, will you graduate?

17:18 Drew I believe so, but I have to count all my credits. You know what I'm saying?

17:20 Adam No, I think you would know if you're graduating in a month.

17:24 Drew Well, I have to check with my counselor. Okay.

17:26 Adam I'm going with a big no.

17:27 Drew I think that's probably a good bet.

17:28 Adam I'm going with no.

17:29 Drew Because you would have applied already for transfer. That would already be set up. True. You'd be already enrolled for next year or somewhere else.

17:36 Adam We only have one class. So if you passed it, you would graduate. You would know that, right?

17:40 Drew I'll check. But no, you'd be enrolling in the next school. You'd be setting up your program. True.

17:45 Adam Listen, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's funnier, though, if you don't graduate. You understand. So I'll give you $10 if you don't graduate.

17:53 Drew All right, Esther, 17, Esther.

17:55 Adam He's not sure.

17:56 Drew What are you going to do?

17:57 Adam All right, Esther. And listen, when are you going to be 30? Because you got to make it to 30. That's the thing.

18:03 Drew I'll be 30 in five years. You have to live to 30.

18:06 Adam No, no, he has to make it to 30 without graduating.

18:09 Drew Oh, you want to see him do that? Yeah.

18:11 Adam It's funnier.

18:11 Drew He's on his way.

18:12 Adam Esther.

18:13 Hello.

18:14 Adam You're 17?

18:15 Caller Yes.

18:16 Adam Yeah, name of my first girlfriend, Esther.

18:18 Caller Uh-oh.

18:20 Drew The one that you swooned over and cried in the corner outside the steps of her sorority.

18:24 Adam Yeah, that was like my fourth girlfriend. Go ahead.

18:29 Caller Yeah. I have been having a lot of oral back lately and like my urethra has like a really bad piercing pain.

18:40 Drew So it hurts when you pee? It hurts when you pee?

18:44 Caller No, like it hurts when I bump it.

18:47 Adam But it doesn't hurt when you pee?

18:49 Caller No.

18:50 Drew Your urethra hurts?

18:52 Caller Like around that area, like right on top of it or I'm pretty sure it's what it is because like, yeah.

18:59 Drew Your urethra is inside, right?

19:01 Caller Yeah.

19:02 Drew Inside the vagina. How do you bump that?

19:08 Caller Well, like, I guess it's not the urethra then. It's like right outside of it.

19:13 Well, OK.

19:14 Drew Outside the vagina?

19:15 Caller Yeah.

19:16 Adam I figured you were barrel racing or something.

19:19 Drew Your clitoris hurts?

19:20 Caller Yeah.

19:22 Adam Boy, knowing people are dumb.

19:24 Drew What's going on tonight? It's tonight.

19:26 Adam No, no. Most people don't know their parts.

19:28 Drew Really?

19:30 Adam Listen, I went to school. I went to public school. There's two things they didn't focus on. They didn't focus on anatomy at all. I mean, I barely, I learned nostril when I was 28.

19:40 Drew Wow.

19:40 Adam Yeah. I learned eyelet just six months ago. No anatomy and no geography. Just, but I did focus on, you know, cooking, sewing.

19:49 Drew Nice. Well, I guess we'll have a clay.

19:51 Adam Yeah.

19:52 Drew So I asked the way that Sarah put it on hold.

19:53 Adam Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. It's important to make Pillsbury Parmesan popovers, by the way.

19:59 Drew That's very nutritious. Yeah. So had you had some vigorous stimulation of that area recently?

20:04 Adam A lot of oral.

20:06 Caller No, it hurts really bad.

20:08 Drew Yeah.

20:09 Adam But before that, to make it hurt.

20:11 Caller Yeah. My boyfriend was like eating me.

20:15 Drew Using you as a what?

20:17 Adam Eating. Eating.

20:18 Drew Was eating me?

20:18 Adam Eating. You see, Drew, you said, oh, it's actually kind of ingenious because you said, oh, you have this areas inflamed. And did you have some sort of vigorous activity? And she's like, no, it hurts too bad. You're like, yeah, but six hours before it started hurting. Oh yeah, the guy was pounding the bejesus out of me with his jaw.

20:38 Drew Eating me?

20:38 Adam Yeah.

20:39 Drew All right. Just give it some rest, please. You can damage any part of your body.

20:43 Adam Rub some dirt on it, Esther.

20:44 Drew No, just hot. Again, back to sits back and relax. Pelvic rest, we call that pelvic rest.

20:49 Adam Football coach, I'll modify the one my football coaches say. If you hurt your knee, F it off. They say run it off. Yeah, walk it off. Esther, how long have you been with this guy?

21:02 Caller For about three weeks.

21:06 Adam Three weeks? A new mouth eats clean. What's, by the way, who's Esther, your grandma?

21:15 Caller No.

21:16 Drew Is it a made up name or is it really your name?

21:17 Caller No, that's really my name.

21:19 Adam No Esther's in your family?

21:22 Drew It's just Aunt Esther.

21:23 Caller Hmm?

21:24 Caller No.

21:25 Adam Nobody? No one else?

21:26 Drew No Aunt Esther?

21:27 Adam No one else in the entire family named Esther?

21:30 Caller Nope.

21:32 Adam You sure?

21:34 Caller Yeah, I'm pretty positive.

21:35 Adam Okay.

21:36 Drew All right.

21:37 Adam Thanks. You'll be fine. Take a sit's bath.

21:40 Drew Pelvic rest. No sex for two weeks.

21:43 Adam Wow. I feel weird going down on a chick named Esther. I feel like some old lady fell over and I was taking advantage of her. You know, hit her head on the counter.

21:55 Drew Yeah.

21:55 Adam I said take advantage of her.

21:57 Drew All right.

21:57 Adam It's got to be so in her family name Esther.

21:59 Drew Got to be.

22:01 Adam The reason we ask five times is because we talk to people all the time where the smoke detector's going off over their head. And we say to them, do you have a smoke detector at your house? And they go, no. And we hear a chirping above their head. So we seem a little repetitive sometimes.

22:13 Drew Isn't that just sort of a biblical reference?

22:16 Adam Yeah, I think. Let's take ourselves a little break. Drew, who are we going to talk to when we come back?

22:21 Drew Sarah.

22:22 Adam Sarah?

22:23 Drew Another biblical...

22:23 Adam Boyfriend doesn't like condoms. She can't do... She's got lupus. Oh, good times. After this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Yes, Drew.

22:55 Drew Tomorrow night, Adam Scott in here from Monster in Law.

22:58 Adam Oh, yeah, been seeing that movie all over the place. Adam was in here. He had himself a nice role in The Aviator, good guy, and a dear, dear husband of a dear, dear friend.

23:10 Drew Oh.

23:10 Yeah. Who?

23:11 Adam Naomi, someone I've worked with over at Man Show and over at Jimmy Kimmel Live.

23:17 Drew Interesting.

23:18 Adam 1206, by the way, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Monday through Friday.

23:21 Caller I got a little plug for the show.

23:22 Drew Why not?

23:22 Adam Why not? I wear the goddamn hand everywhere.

23:25 Drew Says Aston Martin on it.

23:26 Adam Oh, what hand am I wearing? Did I say?

23:29 Drew It says Aston Martin Racing.

23:31 Adam Well, what are you going to do? It's a nice car. It's a nice automobile. All right. I usually wear, I'm usually wearing the hand.

23:36 Drew You're usually Jimmy Kimmel, at least Jimmy Kimmel coat, which for the first time tonight in a month.

23:40 Adam Oh, I'm not wearing the Jimmy. Yeah, boy, you give me swag. I'll wear it.

23:43 Drew Yeah, no kidding.

23:45 Adam Sarah?

23:46 Drew Yeah.

23:47 Adam You're 22. If there were some Hitler brand leisure wear and somebody gave it to me, I'd be staring at it for a long time. And eventually I'd be like, you know, instead of, you know, instead of like the polo or the hang tan or something, it was actually just an outline of the Fuhrer, but just a mustache. It actually just be a little mustache with the hair swoop. That would be the sign on the chest there. The hair swoop with the little mustache. Right. And if someone gave it to me for free, I would look at it for a long time and I'd be like, I'm not going to wear this stuff. How? No, this is insulting. And then eventually I'd get to, well, I could putz around the house and it ain't no big deal. And eventually that would lead to, I could run down and grab a quart of milk in my Hitler pullover and eventually I'd just be attending award shows. Hitler casual wear. Eventually it'd be like Adam Corolla's wardrobe sponsored by Hitler, active wear.

24:48 Drew Be sure to check out their youth line.

24:51 Adam Yeah, baby hit. All right, where are we? Oh, Sarah, yeah. Sarah.

24:58 Caller Hello.

24:58 Adam You're 22? Yes. What's up?

25:01 Caller Hi, I was wondering what is the risk of having unprotected sex with pre-adjective story fluid?

25:08 Adam Oh, boy.

25:10 Drew What is that accent from?

25:12 Caller What was that?

25:13 Drew Do you have an accent?

25:15 Caller Yes, I do. My father is from Brazil.

25:18 Drew And where are you from?

25:19 Caller I'm from America, born in the US.

25:22 Adam But you're calling from Pittsburgh?

25:24 Caller Yes.

25:24 Adam Because that's its own thing. Yeah, it is.

25:27 Drew What do you mean? Own accent?

25:29 Adam You ever listen to the guy who does the football games, the Steelers games?

25:33 Caller Yeah.

25:33 Adam I mean, it's crazy. You ever have one of those Pumanti sandwiches, Sarah?

25:37 Drew Yes, I have.

25:38 Are they good?

25:39 Caller Yes.

25:40 Adam They put the French fries right on the sandwich.

25:41 Caller Nice. And I don't like the French fries on it, actually.

25:45 Adam But the rest of the sandwich is good, right?

25:47 Caller Yes, of course. You know, they invented that for truckers.

25:50 Adam Oh, they invented it for truckers.

25:51 Drew So they'd have a free hand. Yeah. Right.

25:53 Adam Nice.

25:53 Drew They don't have to.

25:54 Adam French fries right on there. Yeah, it'd save you more time than to eat it for you, too.

25:59 Drew How about the quesadilla sandwich?

26:00 Adam They freeze it and turn it into a suppository for truckers. Yeah, both hands free that way. At a certain point, I mean, I guess you could put your salad and you could put your iced tea on your sandwich, too, but eventually it sort of ruins it.

26:13 Caller I think it's actually disgusting.

26:15 Adam All right. But how about the Pumantes in general? You like that sandwich?

26:18 Caller Yes, it's very delicious.

26:19 Adam All right. Good. Now, what's up? So your boyfriend doesn't like to use condoms.

26:24 Drew So you're going to get pregnant, right?

26:26 Caller Right. No, I do not. No, I do not.

26:28 Drew Well, you're going to get pregnant if you don't do something.

26:29 Adam And you have lupus.

26:31 Caller Yes, I do.

26:32 Adam What do you do with lupus, Drew?

26:36 Caller Go ahead, Drew.

26:37 Drew Can you ever get rid of it? Yes, sometimes. What are your manifestations?

26:42 Caller Basically, it's mostly organ-related and muscle-related. I'm really sensitive to the sun.

26:48 Drew Do you have kidney disease?

26:49 Caller No, I do not. I have systemic, actually.

26:52 Drew Yeah, but systemic lupus erythematosus, the thing that people get that's serious related to that is the nephritis, the kidney disease.

26:58 Caller I thought it was discoid that got the kidney disease.

27:01 Drew No, discoid is the limit to the skin.

27:03 Caller Okay. Well, I haven't had any problems with my kidneys.

27:06 Caller It's mainly muscle-related.

27:08 Caller I'm a musician, so like...

27:10 Drew You're what? You're in a mission.

27:11 Caller A musician. I play piano and trumpet. And mostly my wrist hurts all the time. And my doctor said it's like because of the rheumatoid relations.

27:19 Drew No, Sarah, did you see a rheumatologist?

27:22 Caller Yes, I do.

27:23 Drew And they say you have lupus, you have SLE. I have.

27:26 Caller I have. I had the butterfly rash.

27:29 Caller I had it since I was 14.

27:31 Adam Are you anywhere near a trumpet or a piano?

27:35 Caller Actually, my trumpet is in my car. I'm not near a piano.

27:39 Adam Were you at work?

27:40 Caller No, I'm actually at a friend's house.

27:43 Adam You keep your horn in your car. I like that.

27:45 Drew Here are your options. One is to make him use a condom, which would be certainly reasonable and probably the best thing to do. Two would be to consider, I don't know what your risks with lupus would be with using the IUD, but IUD would certainly be a reasonable thing. And obviously, pregnancy is a significant thing if you have lupus.

28:00 Adam But she can't take a hormonal-based stuff. Doesn't the IUD dip in something these days?

28:04 Drew Yes, there's one that is, but it's very, very locally reactive, so it shouldn't be a systemic issue. And I'm not clear that you have no option with the birth control pills with lupus because pregnancy is something to be avoided when you have lupus, right? That's what I'm sure that is something that, I mean, why aren't they going to give you the pill? I've not really heard of that.

28:22 Caller They said it might conflict with my current medication.

28:26 Drew What are you taking?

28:27 Caller Hydroxychloroquine.

28:29 Adam What about that?

28:29 Drew Which is actually a malaria medication that they serendipitously found.

28:32 Caller My father actually has malaria.

28:34 Drew Yeah, well, they found out that you don't have malaria, malaria is something you had a long time ago. But he said he serendipitously found out that it helped lupus.

28:43 Caller Oh.

28:44 Adam Who came up with that? Walter Reed? That's right. Found out that this mosquito has carried malaria. I went to that junior high, that's how I know. It's the only thing I learned in junior high. I guess you, you know.

28:57 Drew Learned something.

28:58 Adam Learned something. Yeah. Hey, Sarah.

29:00 Caller Yes.

29:01 Adam What kind of trumpet do you play?

29:03 Caller Box Stradivarius.

29:06 Adam Stradivarius trumpet?

29:08 Caller Box Stradivarius.

29:09 Caller Like, Johan Sebastian Bach.

29:11 Adam Oh, but where's the Stradivarius part come in?

29:14 Drew I thought that was a tri-line.

29:15 Caller Stradivarius violins, yes.

29:18 Adam Oh, they make trumpets too?

29:20 Caller Yes.

29:21 Caller Very good trumpets.

29:22 Adam All right. Thank you for the clarity. And that's having to ring like a bar rag to get the goddamn information out of you.

29:28 Drew All right. IUD, sponge coming out soon, make him wear the condom. You have some options out there.

29:35 Adam Stradivarius makes the most famous violin in the world by far. Nobody knows they make a trumpet. And so when you ask three times, Stradivarius, trumpet, they just keep repeating it.

29:44 Caller Yeah.

29:47 Drew Here we go.

29:48 Adam But a smart chick.

29:49 Caller Wasn't long.

29:49 Drew Yeah, yeah.

29:50 Adam Yeah? Dad had malaria. Yeah.

29:52 Drew Want to find out why?

29:53 Adam Nah, he was in, he's from Brazil.

29:55 Drew Right.

29:55 Adam Everyone that gets malaria.

29:56 Drew Amazon.

29:57 Adam Yeah, growing up in Amazon. Haley?

30:00 Caller Yeah?

30:00 Adam You're 16?

30:01 Caller Yep.

30:02 Adam Okay, so we were asking earlier about my Attack Crows.

30:05 Caller Yes, I love those things.

30:06 Adam And you said your family raised and tamed a crow?

30:10 Caller Well, my friend's family, yeah. When the father was like a kid, they found this injured crow, and they took it in, and they would feed it and stuff, and it would just stick around. So finally they let it just roam around their house, and it would just fly around. Like, it didn't even need a cage. It would just land on your shoulder, like some evil parrot, and just...

30:30 Drew Wouldn't it poo everywhere?

30:32 Caller I don't know, he didn't talk about that, probably. But he would clean it up and stuff, because it was just cool.

30:38 Adam Yeah, and would it come when the guy called it?

30:42 Caller Yeah, I think if you held out your finger, it would like come over and land on your arm or something.

30:47 Drew Would it protect his family?

30:49 Caller Oh, I don't... He didn't have the genius idea to train it that far, but...

30:52 Adam Well, you know, the thing about a crow and just about all birds, if something gets into their, like, nest or something like that, a cat gets into their nest, a cat's gonna get dive bombed every time it leaves the front porch. For usually, Blue Jays do this, too, they're really mean. I don't know if Robins do it, a lot of birds, they'll do that, so... I would bet that if you had a pet crow and he trained it well and you put it on your roof and you walked out the front door and some guy jumped on you, crow would probably fly down and do something.

31:22 Caller Yeah.

31:23 Adam Yeah? Probably. Yeah. All right, Haley, that's sort of half a crow story.

31:27 Caller Yeah.

31:28 Adam That's all we had. Did the crow scare you?

31:32 Caller What? Oh, no, I didn't see it. He was just telling us about it.

31:35 Adam Oh, you never saw the crow. All right. Now, it's now went down to three sixteenths of a crow story. You never actually saw the crow.

31:44 Caller All right.

31:44 Adam But theoretically, she heard of somebody once.

31:47 Drew Yeah. So it's possible.

31:48 Adam That found a crow, found a busted up crow and trained it. I'm just trying to figure out, you know, logistically if it's possible to train crows and use them as my tech force.

31:59 Drew It seems to be. And think about this.

32:01 Adam Think about this too, Drew. I was over. I was explaining the attack crow people. I was over in Glendale today, like just like Glendale off the five freeway. There was a photo shoot for the Comedy Central show. I was in Glendale and you know where I live. And I said, you know, I got to go down this way, double back this way, circle around this way, go up this way. The crow would get to my house 20 minutes before I get there. Crow flies how, Drew? The way he flies. That's right. It's the crow flies. And as the crow flies from where I was to where I live, three and a half miles. Right. Although I had to travel 170 miles to get there. All right. You ready to go?

32:41 Drew Here we go.

32:42 Adam Crow probably fly 35, 40 miles an hour.

32:45 Drew Easily.

32:46 Adam No traffic?

32:47 Drew They cruise up in the hills and they just cruise to come down.

32:51 Adam Good range. I got to look into these crows. I'm starting to fall in love with crows.

32:55 Drew Me too.

32:56 Adam Melissa?

32:58 Drew Yes?

32:58 Adam There's a thing about crows too. Not a part of them are a different color than black. Beats black, eyes black, feet black.

33:04 Drew Eyelashes black.

33:05 Adam Everything's black. And by the way, what?

33:08 Drew What's the advantage to that? Yeah.

33:11 Adam There's nothing.

33:12 Drew Maybe it scares the hell out of creditors.

33:15 Adam Shrubs aren't black.

33:18 Drew They're tough. They don't need to hide. All they do is feed on carrion and stuff. You see, every time there's a road killer, the crows stand around.

33:25 Adam But shouldn't they be nocturnal creatures? They should be flying around at night. They're all black. They're never see them buzzing around.

33:32 Drew Maybe they were.

33:33 Adam They never buzz around during the day.

33:34 Drew At one time.

33:35 Adam Interesting. Chris, look in the crows. And find out the difference between a crow and a raven. Right away, Mr. And don't just tell me one's bigger than the other. I want facts.

33:45 Caller Okay.

33:46 Adam Melissa?

33:47 Caller Yes.

33:47 Adam 19?

33:49 Caller Yes, sir.

33:50 Adam What's up, baby doll?

33:52 Caller Not much. How are you?

33:53 Adam Doing good.

33:55 Caller Good. Do you want my question?

33:58 Adam Yes.

33:58 Drew That would be great.

34:00 Caller Okay. Well, I just got married and my husband and I, every time, well, we were sleeping with each other before we got married. And every time we would have sex, I always orgasmed. And we were just curious, wanted to try things out. And wanted to see if he were to use a vibrator on my clitoris while we were having sex.

34:22 Adam Hold on, slow down. I'm writing.

34:24 Drew Go ahead.

34:24 Adam Go ahead.

34:26 Caller Just to sort of enhance it, see what it would do. Well, we didn't know if I would become dependent on that to orgasm every time after that.

34:34 Drew Did you try it yet?

34:35 Adam Yeah.

34:35 Caller Did you try it yet?

34:37 Caller No.

34:37 Adam Okay. Here's the thing. All right.

34:40 Drew You orgasm once or more than once when you're having intercourse?

34:45 Caller Sometimes more than once, but I always at least orgasm once.

34:48 Adam Boy, Melissa just seems like a nice confidence builder for a young man.

34:51 Drew Yeah.

34:52 Adam I could have used her when I was 19.

34:53 Drew She's just a nice...

34:55 Adam Just come out feeling good about yourself. Yeah. You know what I mean?

34:58 Drew The golf club that fits in your hand, kind of thing.

35:00 Adam I was going to say like taking batting practice with the friend of the coach, the guy in his 50s, with salt and pepper, just has a big bucket of him and just grooves him right down the middle. And you're just cranking everything, just frozen ropes down the line all over the place. That would give you that kind of feeling. Not seeing the guy with the crazy chumps.

35:18 Drew Did you say that because I...

35:20 Adam No, I was thinking about that. I was thinking about baseball for some reason. I was thinking baseball almost immediately. Drew did the hand thing, but...

35:27 Drew I did the holding a bat feeling.

35:29 Adam But you said club.

35:30 Drew Well, I couldn't think of a way to make it a baseball bat, but I was thinking baseball.

35:33 Adam Yeah. Oh, Melissa, I could just see up there. Doing that move where you hold it up before you throw each one, hold it up above your head, spot it just so. As if I'm not going to hit it anyway, but I'm ready for it. You just start grooving it in there. I'm just cranking them. Occasionally, I hit a comeback or right at you, but it hits that little fence you got. You know, jumps up. Oh, everyone says, feeling good. Smell of pine tongue.

35:56 Drew We got to go play in Dodger Stadium again this year. You want to do that?

35:59 Adam No. I've been banned from it permanently.

36:02 Drew No, come on. That guy can't still be there.

36:03 Adam Yeah, I'm telling you, I'm permanently banned from Dodger Stadium.

36:06 Drew No way.

36:07 Adam Hell, yes, I am. Yeah.

36:09 Drew All right.

36:09 Adam Anyway, Melissa. Yes. Here's the thing now. You're already having an orgasm with sex. You're 19, you're newlywed.

36:19 Drew Way ahead of the game.

36:20 Adam You're way ahead of the game. On one hand, why not have a good time? On the other hand, maybe you're pushing a little too much.

36:27 Drew Right. Why not just enjoy what you got going here?

36:30 Adam Well, I mean, she wants to up the ante, but it's a slippery slope.

36:35 Drew Here's the deal with the vibrators. Don't use it every day or regularly. It can desensitize you a little bit. Use it on special occasions. It'll be fine. Just to mix it up a little bit.

36:43 Adam You're calling from New Mexico. You're married. You're 19. I'm guessing you're a Jew. So like on passovers.

36:52 Caller What?

36:53 Caller No, I'm not a Jew.

36:55 Drew Oh, what?

36:57 Adam Orgasming in bed?

37:00 Caller What?

37:01 Adam Sorry, baby. No, you're cool, baby. Everything's good.

37:04 Caller Okay.

37:05 Adam Don't have any kids for a little while.

37:07 Caller Oh, we don't plan on it. Not yet.

37:09 Drew Well done.

37:09 Adam You're a good girl. You come from a good family.

37:12 Drew Good stock.

37:12 Adam Say hi to your dad. All right. We'll take ourselves a... She's good. I can hear.

37:18 Drew I guess we're otherwise telling women to kick their dad in the nuts. This one, we're telling her to say hi to dad.

37:23 Adam Well, to be fair. We've spoken to so many bummers. Like last night was just a full-blown bummer. Just all these chicks with these horrible environments and all this abuse. It's nice to talk to ones who's happy, who's enjoying themselves. Let me say this, folks. You owe it to the people around you to be happy. Think about that. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because you will. It is like crapping in the punch bowl.

37:47 Drew Yeah.

37:47 Adam You got that puss on all the time. Let's go now.

37:49 Drew Negativity is not a great way to go through life.

37:51 Adam Now, let's get it together. Yeah. Come on, Chris. Let's go now.

37:56 Drew Put a hand in.

37:56 Adam Let's get a hand in. Hey, that's a gentleman. I use that term a little bit. It's like a helmet's not a chair. Helmet's not a chair.

38:04 Drew Gather around, boys.

38:05 Adam That's the funniest football coach in the world. That makes you the funniest football coach in the world.

38:09 Drew Just saying.

38:09 Adam Helmet's not a chair. Genius. Mort Sahl, a football coach. You're the great honor. All right, let's take ourselves a little break. You looking into crows?

38:19 Caller Yeah, I found some good stuff. I'm printing it up.

38:21 Adam All right. Be prepared for the band The Black Crows or the movie The Crow.

38:25 Caller Okay. That's a good movie.

38:27 Adam We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

38:30 Caller Thank you for calling Loveline. Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

38:50 Caller Live 105, Alternative, San Francisco.

39:04 Adam Hey everybody, it's the Love Line. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew.

39:09 Drew Crows are related to Jays.

39:11 Adam Blue Jays or just any Jays?

39:13 Drew Any Jays.

39:14 Caller Oh, boy.

39:16 Adam We're learning about crows because I'm really going to harness their power. Yeah, perhaps the most famous crows are the comedic pair Heckel and Jekyll.

39:23 Drew No.

39:23 Caller The popularizing corny carnivores.

39:25 Drew They're Magpies.

39:26 Adam Wonder. I know they're Magpies.

39:28 Drew Is that a crow?

39:29 Adam What's the difference between a Magpie and a crow?

39:31 Drew Magpie versus crow, come on.

39:32 Adam All right. Here we go, everybody. Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew.

39:36 Drew Can't stop reading now.

39:38 Adam Fascinating. I'm telling you. And everyone's into, they're into macaws and parakeets. What about the crow? Pigeons get more air time than crows.

39:50 Yeah.

39:51 Adam All right. Who are we going to talk to, Drew?

39:53 Drew Oh, oops.

39:54 Adam Guys for girls shaved. Yeah. Nicole. Nicole?

39:58 Caller Yes.

39:59 Adam You're a 21?

40:00 Caller Yes, I am.

40:01 Adam What's up?

40:03 Caller Oh, I just want to know about shaving. Do guys really like it when girls shave?

40:07 Drew Uh, they like grooming.

40:10 Caller Like grooming.

40:11 Adam Well, okay. I'm going to write down a number here on my crow sheet, Drew. Percentage of guys, percentage of guys, and she's 21. So let's just say percentage of guys who would be in her dating range. You know, 20 to 30. Percentage of guys who, um, want a clean, who enjoy or would like a clean. You don't have to write it down. You tell it to me. I'm going to write the number down.

40:35 Drew I'm going to write it down, too.

40:36 Adam No, don't write it down. That's a waste of ink. No, don't write it down.

40:40 Drew That's my number.

40:41 Adam 4 percent?

40:42 Drew What did you put?

40:43 Adam I didn't write it yet. I was talking here. I was going to say 4 percent, too.

40:47 Drew You were not.

40:48 Adam I know.

40:48 Drew What were you going to say?

40:49 Adam Uh, I was going to say more. I was going to say more like 10 percent.

40:52 Drew No, I think it was too high.

40:53 Adam Too high for you and your old lackeys, but not for a 25 year old dude. One out of 10 dudes.

41:00 Drew Completely shaving?

41:01 Adam I tell you, you take one out of 10 dudes in an office that are 25 years old, and well, maybe not even an office. Maybe it's a fast food joint. But take a 23, 25 year old guy. One out of 10 is going to go for the shave. I don't know if he wants to marry the shave, but he's going to be into seeing it during the unveiling. So, that's from it. Chris, you into the shaved or into the shaved?

41:27 Caller No.

41:28 Adam No.

41:29 Caller Okay.

41:30 Adam Get back to the computer.

41:31 Drew Crow vs. Magpie.

41:32 Caller Right on.

41:33 Adam All right, so we're going to go with a low percentage, but the dudes who are into it are really into it.

41:39 Drew But the rest... What were we talking about? Crow vs. Magpie.

41:44 Caller Crow.

41:46 Adam Okay. So you're looking up. You're looking it up.

41:48 Drew What's the difference?

41:50 Adam Okay.

41:50 Drew Definition.

41:51 Adam That's all right. But we'll put you down for Crow anyway. Chris, you know what Chris got for that conversation? He likes a shaved crow.

42:01 Drew Nicole, but I think all guys like groomed.

42:06 Adam We like groomed.

42:06 Drew Very groomed. And the styles lately seem to be very groomed, like Brazilian.

42:11 Adam No, you know what? I wonder if it... I think it's coming back a little, into a little more of a natural. Okay. You know what I mean?

42:19 Caller Gotta let it go, but keep it somewhat organized.

42:21 Drew I think women want men that way, too, by the way.

42:23 Adam Keep it sorted down there.

42:24 Drew Don't you think women are looking for men to kind of get together a little bit?

42:27 Adam I sure, I sure the hell hope not. I really hope not, Drew.

42:31 Drew Yeah, you're out of the job.

42:32 Caller I've seen a couple of guys that shaved.

42:33 Caller That was kind of funny, because I've never seen a guy shave.

42:37 Caller It was really interesting.

42:38 Adam Yeah, it's a little creepy on a dude. It really gets creepy if you've seen enough porn. When the guy shaves and then shaves the sack and then tans the sack, the sack actually starts looking good.

42:52 Drew You know, they have, did we talk about this anal bleaching thing?

42:55 Adam It's come up, yeah. Hey, what's going on?

43:02 Drew I know, what does that life come of it?

43:05 Adam Nicole. All right, do you have a boyfriend?

43:08 Caller No, I don't.

43:09 Adam Okay, well you, you know, just stay good and prepared and you know, cleanliness is next to godliness too. Okay, all right, and by the way, godliness never around unless they try to shove it up cleanliness's ass, you know what I mean?

43:25 Drew You never hear about godliness unless it's related to cleanliness.

43:27 Adam Yeah, you hear about God, but you don't hear about godliness.

43:30 Drew In fact, isn't it sort of sinful to try to be godly?

43:34 Adam I'm just saying godliness next to cleanliness is, it's a pretty crappy cliché. It's not well done. If you have to tweak one and turn one into something we never heard of and that kind of stuff is no good.

43:46 Drew Sarah.

43:47 Adam Sarah.

43:48 Caller Hello.

43:49 Adam What's up?

43:50 Caller Okay. I'm pregnant with my mom's boyfriend's kid.

43:55 Drew Seriously?

43:56 Caller I've told my mom, but she doesn't believe me.

43:59 Drew How old is your mom?

44:00 Caller My mom's 43.

44:02 Drew And what?

44:03 Adam Hold on. Asian or Jew?

44:06 Caller American.

44:08 Drew American.

44:10 Adam What's your nationality?

44:11 Caller Huh?

44:12 Adam Not Asian or Jew?

44:14 Caller No.

44:15 Adam Wow. Man, Drew. I've been wrong every time I've tried that one. Where?

44:20 Drew That judgment.

44:20 Caller Well, I've told her and she don't believe me.

44:22 Caller And I wanted to know, but she doesn't want to believe me.

44:27 Caller And I want to know if there's another approach.

44:29 Drew Is he still around?

44:31 Caller Yeah.

44:32 Adam Who's crying in the background?

44:34 Caller My daughter.

44:35 Adam Oh, no.

44:40 Caller Really?

44:41 Drew Who's that father?

44:43 Caller My ex.

44:46 Caller We didn't exactly work out.

44:48 Adam Didn't exactly work out. Well, at least you learned a valuable lesson.

44:51 Drew What happened to you growing up?

44:55 Caller Pretty much normal. I mean, I had the regular problem.

44:59 Drew Like what?

45:00 Adam Incest, right?

45:02 Caller My mom, she's an alcoholic. And I mean, I had my own problems as well, but.

45:06 Drew What would those be?

45:08 Caller I'm a recovering addict. I've been clean two months now.

45:11 Caller I found out I was pregnant.

45:13 Drew What's your drug?

45:14 Adam Speed.

45:15 Caller Huh?

45:16 Drew What's your drug? Opiates.

45:18 Caller Huh?

45:20 Drew What's your drug of choice?

45:21 Caller Methamphetamine.

45:22 Drew Oh, you're right. Got it. Well done.

45:24 Adam Dixon Madison Specials. Or is he?

45:26 Drew She doesn't sound like a speed tweaker.

45:27 Adam Yeah. No, she doesn't sound like a tweaker. She acts like a tweaker. It's a white trash thing. Kids, knocked up, stepdad, that whole business, alcohol. That's just super. A speed is the white trash. It's the gown they all wear. It's the new black in white trash.

45:46 Drew All right, Sarah. Hello? You need to go somewhere and raise your child in a structured environment where you can stay sober, like a sober living that takes children. Whether or not your mom believes this or not cannot be an issue right now. You've got to take care of yourself, get out of there, go to a sober environment, and this is going to be a catastrophe for your kids if you don't do that.

46:05 Adam Well, Sarah.

46:06 Drew And by the way, you're not recovering. You just stopped using because you're pregnant.

46:08 Caller Well, I want him to get away from my mom.

46:10 Drew I mean, Sarah, you get away from them.

46:13 Adam Well, wait a second. Did he rape you?

46:16 Caller No, we were at a party. My mom was at work and we were all here and we were drinking and stuff and just like one thing led to another.

46:23 Drew One thing led to another. All ill's, all sins are dismissed under that aphorism.

46:27 Adam I know. One day, one time I woke up and realized at 69, my dad.

46:32 Drew One thing led to another. What are you going to do?

46:33 Adam Well, I had a couple of Malt Lakers.

46:35 Drew One thing led to another.

46:35 Adam What are you going to do? Sarah. All right. Well, listen, everything happens for a reason. That's one thing I've learned from all the idiots I've spoken to in the last five years and seen on TV. Your mom is a disaster, obviously. This guy...

46:53 Drew Don't be a disaster for your kids. Go sober environment quick, do not pass go.

46:57 Adam What has this guy said? Seriously. I know. We got to take a break. But is this guy denying it?

47:02 Caller Well, yeah. Okay.

47:04 Adam You realize there's DNA tests for these things?

47:07 Caller Yeah.

47:08 Adam Are you sure it's his?

47:10 Caller I'm positive. I haven't been with anybody else in like the last six months.

47:15 Drew And you're going to have this child, right?

47:16 Adam Hold on a second. I'm going to talk to her after the break. This is crazy. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. You are hip. I'm hip. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Just reading about crows. Telling you, I'm going to get these attack crows off the ground. And I was even, I was working, when I sell this idea to the police force.

48:22 Drew Oh, yeah.

48:23 Adam The patch for the unit. You know what I mean?

48:26 Drew Yeah, yeah. Like the K9 patch.

48:28 Adam K9 patch. Yeah. This is it.

48:31 Drew First off, it's like the big cross, like from the movie.

48:34 Adam Oh, I have I know with the crows, I have that screaming eagles. It's like a squadron. Talons, talons with the wings pulled back.

48:44 Drew Yeah, yeah.

48:45 Adam It's diving down. I haven't picked out the minority groups head yet. But I'm working on that. I don't know if it's extra color with the stitching or something like that. I'm going to work that out. I mean, you know what? Maybe we'll just have the crow. Yeah. OK. Let's just use the crow. But the wings will be pulled back. The talents out in front of them. Beak open, just coming down like a rocket.

49:09 Drew Nice. Nice.

49:13 Adam Yeah.

49:14 Drew Here we go. Let's finish up with Sarah.

49:15 Adam Screaming crows.

49:16 Drew Pregnant with her mom's boyfriend's child. Sarah, how pregnant are you?

49:20 Caller I'm two months pregnant.

49:22 Adam Two months.

49:22 Drew Are you going to see this through?

49:25 Caller I don't believe in abortions, so.

49:27 Adam I always like that. That's my favorite answer. No problems with sucking up some wine coolers and banging your stepdad. That's cool.

49:36 Caller He's not my stepdad.

49:37 Drew Oh, it's a technicality. Adam, how dare you?

49:39 Adam How long's he been with your mom?

49:41 Caller He's been with my mom since he was 18.

49:42 Caller He's 22 now.

49:44 Drew And your mom's 43?

49:45 Caller Yeah.

49:46 Drew Mom's a pedophile.

49:49 Caller All right.

49:49 Drew I don't wonder she was with this guy.

49:51 Adam Not Asian or Jew, huh? Wow. Drew, what? I got to recalibrate my radar.

49:57 Drew What else could it be? French?

49:59 Adam Just so far off.

50:00 Drew Norwegian?

50:00 Adam Canadian. Come on.

50:01 Drew Canadian.

50:02 Adam Sarah. Huh? So this is like sort of albino white trash behavior. I know you don't have much choice in the matter because you just got raised by idiots and what are you gonna do? It'd be nice if you didn't pollute the world with more idiots that are doomed to the same horrible fate.

50:22 Caller Well, my dad is really smart and I raise my kids the best I can. I work hard and...

50:26 Caller We believe that, Sarah.

50:27 Adam As long as you work hard, it's all... Listen, everything happens for a reason.

50:30 Drew I'm sure your mom worked hard too, but look what happened.

50:34 Adam Yeah.

50:35 Drew All right.

50:35 Adam I'm sorry to be such a bummer, but I'm trying to straighten everyone out with this stuff, which is stop spitting out kids when you're in these horrible environments. It's child abuse, everybody. Can you imagine this kid? You have what? Two-year-old? She's one. She's one-year-old. Everyone thinks her kid's smart at one, by the way. They'll call me when the kid's 18. I'll make a full assessment.

50:59 Drew It's a little different.

51:00 Adam But here's the thing. Your kid is being raised around a horrible alcoholic mom who's plucked up his inner 40s and plucked up some guy when he was 18, who thinks it's a good idea to have sex with the daughter, and everyone's living under the same crappy roof.

51:14 Drew It's a mess. It's called child abuse.

51:18 Adam It's child abuse. If no one lays a hand on this kid, it's child abuse, just raising it in this environment. Well, what do you do? Do you work all day?

51:26 Caller I work.

51:27 Adam And who watches the kid?

51:29 Caller My best friend.

51:30 Caller No.

51:31 Drew Another 18-year-old.

51:32 Caller I wouldn't leave my daughter with my mom.

51:34 Caller That would be stupid.

51:35 Drew Right.

51:35 Adam All right. But please, why don't you give this kid up for adoption? The kid you're pregnant with now. God willing, you'll spontaneously abort this pregnancy. But if you do have the kid, could you give it up for adoption and not be so selfish?

51:49 Drew Some motivated parents that have a stable environment would be great.

51:54 Adam And by the way...

51:55 Drew As opposed to the child realizing it was conceived in some horrible, weird situation where he never sees the dad. I mean, come on.

52:03 Adam And mama, you already got pregnant once at 16. You're getting drunk as a mom, by the way. And think about what a great mom you are. You're getting loaded and having sex with your mom's boyfriend without protection.

52:18 Drew Great mom.

52:20 Adam It doesn't matter how hard you work. I know you work hard. I know you love your kid. I know you think your kid's smart. But you're making those kinds of decisions that makes you a bad parent. No matter how hard you work or how much you love your kid, you're getting loaded and having sex with your mom's boyfriend without protection. That makes you a bad mom. Okay. All right. So, I know I'm coming down hard on you, but it's because you're pregnant again and you're only 18. Give the kid away for adoption. Focus on your sobriety.

52:52 Drew And you're wonderful.

52:52 Adam And focus on your child.

52:54 Drew Go to a sober living.

52:55 Adam And focus on not getting pregnant again.

52:57 Drew By the way, Sarah, you work hard, but you do speed, and an intoxicated mother is extremely traumatic for a child. I don't care if you think the child can't tell, they can tell. The parts of your brain that the child relies on for its own emotional development don't turn on when you're on speed.

53:13 Caller I heard if you're high and you touch your kids or animals or whatever, they can like get it in their skin.

53:18 Drew That's actually, well, possibly, but not significantly. The bigger issue is, yeah, the bigger issue is the intoxicated mom is highly damaging to the kids.

53:28 Adam Hey, Sarah, when you gave birth to the kid after being pregnant at 16 or 17, didn't they, I don't know, put you on some sort of monitoring list or something or talk to you about birth control or anything?

53:43 Caller No.

53:45 Adam No. And you just went to the hospital and had the kid or are you just-

53:48 Drew Oregon, I cannot judge.

53:50 Adam Yeah.

53:50 Drew I cannot judge.

53:52 Adam You went to a hospital and had the kid, right? Yeah. All right. And they didn't talk to you about birth control or get you a counselor or something like that? No. Okay. Fantastic. Get in the therapy, get in a rehab.

54:07 Drew Just the name of the therapy, she is a structured social, you know, social residential environment.

54:12 Adam Let me just ask a goddamn question for one goddamn second. You know, I haven't talked about this in a while, but if I want to put a second story in my garage, I got to go down and blow city hall.

54:23 Drew You mean blow up, you mean render fallatio?

54:26 Adam Yeah, fully perform fallatio. There's actually, if you go down a building in safety, they have a high counter, it's a 42-inch high counter. There's a hole about 29 inches. How many guys live there? Well, no, the holes go all the way down.

54:37 Drew Oh, I see.

54:37 Adam There's one every 18 inches.

54:38 Drew For all the customers, I see.

54:39 Adam I have to move down the line performing an oral on every idiot. Actually, my hand is up top writing a check while I'm actually down on my knees performing an oral on a bureaucrat. That's how it is. I've actually learned to do the date and the time. Once in a while. Well, I can sign my name and I can write the and, you know, $1,533. But once in a while, I have to go like, and it's like, huh? And I go, the date is like, that's 21st. I get back to sucking on the guy while I'm giving him money. If I want to do that, that's what it's going to take. You get to crap out all the at 16, you crap out all the kids you want. And in terms of the chances of you getting pregnant again, once you're knocked up at 16, I don't know, it's through the goddamn roof. It's through the roof. It's the number one problem. Here's why it's the number one problem in our society, because it is the hub and then the spokes lead to a million different horrible directions. You want to go, that spoke, that's unemployment. That stroke, that spoke, that's child on child abuse. That spoke, that's prison. That spoke, that's unemployment. That spoke, that's rehab, if you get there. The other one is, you know, being strung out. It just keeps going and going and going. Let's get them at the hub, everybody. Let's see the 16-year-old that comes in. 60-year-old comes in your county hospital and craps out a kid, you're going right on the North Plant. You're not getting out of here without an IUD. And I'm putting an extra one in your ass, just for good measure. That's it. You know why? And here's the thing. You already got one kid at 16. Now we're got another one coming. And by the way, they magically never believe in abortion and they don't believe in adoption either. I like that strong, strong willed people of great moral standing and conviction who, you know, have a couple of wine coolers and bang the bejeezer on their mom's boyfriend. But they don't believe in this. They believe in they believe in methamphetamines. Again, they believe in having sex with their mom's boyfriend. They believe in getting loaded. But they don't have values. They have now where everything's a technicality and nobody comes down on them and nobody says anything. Oh, you can't do that. You're playing God. Meanwhile, I'm down on the knees. I start bringing one of those guarding knee pad things, by the way, those things they sell at the garden store. Those little rollers? No, it's a little thing. It's got a little handle on it. It's a foam rubber. I bring it with me now because I was banging up my trousers blowing all the guys down in the building of safety. Yeah, that we got to handle on this. We can't touch with a 10-foot pole.

57:09 Drew Can't judge?

57:11 Adam Can't do that. We have no program in place. Never heard anyone talk about it. The 16-year-old comes in, craps out a kid. You don't want to give her a little information on birth control for the next kid she's gonna crap on. And by the way, that kid that craps out the kid or is pregnant at 16, that kid's gonna have three kids by 22, minimum. And when I say three kids, that's three kids, that's four dads, because one guy they're not sure about. Couldn't tell, banged a couple of them simultaneously was a three-way. Nothing, nobody. No, and this kid, what do we think this kid's gonna be? The next president? First female president? She's smart, this one. Oh, yeah. I have my friend look after her. Yeah, the friend, what? The friend is cooking up the meth while you're going down to the dog and suds and flipping burgers. That's abuse. It's abuse. Why don't we look at it as abuse?

58:06 Drew We can't judge.

58:07 Adam Drew, I'd rather just have my dad beat the F out of me once a month and have a nice roof over my head.

58:13 Drew And have a stable environment.

58:14 Adam And some insurance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And let me say this too. You know, I'm going and going and going here. You want to talk abuse, these kids, just look at it this way. I'll give you one concrete example here. I was just looking at a statistic today. It said you had like a one in 6,000 or 7,000% chance of buying it in a car. All right? All right, now you're driving around a old Chevy Citation from 1986 with no airbags and the tires from when you bought it, showing the belt and you got the child seat duct tape to the back of the thing. How much more in danger is that kid than a kid with the side curtain airbags and the impact this, the crunch zones and the anti-lock brakes and all that kind of stuff in a new Range Rover? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I'm not saying you need to be rich to have kids, but this kid is in danger. If you want to look at it that way, this kid's living in a crappy neighborhood. He's been looked after by people that are irresponsible. He's living in possibly a dangerous environment in the wrong part of town, driving around in a vehicle that's probably unworthy to be on the road, because when you don't have any money, you've got 900 bucks to spend on a car. He's not getting looked after. He's not getting supervised. He's not getting medical attention. It goes on and on and on. Why don't we address it? Why don't we focus on it? Can't touch it? Can't play God? What's up with all you pussy chicken ass politicians that don't bring this thing up ever? Never heard anyone talk about this. Never. It's always children are future and their most valuable resource. That's all I ever hear. That's it. And no child is going to get left behind. That's it. No child is going to get left behind. No child is going to get left behind is right up there with everything happens for a reason. It's a zero cop out chicken ass answer means nothing. Go ahead and shout it. Shout it from the mountaintop. No child is left. That's fantastic. That's wonderful. Really? I'm running on the let's leave the kids behind platform. Of course, of course you say that. Now what are you going to do? Oh, you don't think her kids are going to get left behind? What's the plan? It's great that you feel that way. How about this? Zero air pollution and zero unemployment and zero violence, zero prison population and gas is free. Oh, there you go. And everyone has a D-cup. What else? No child left behind. What else can I say? I'm for all these things, by the way. For everything. I want to live till a million. Oh, no cavity. And no one is ever going to have to get corrective eye surgery. I have a 20-20 vision under my watch. There you go. No zits, no carbuncles, no deformity.

1:00:50 Drew Perfect.

1:00:50 All right.

1:00:51 Adam You ready, Ron?

1:00:51 Drew Let's go. Good times.

1:00:54 Adam Peter.

1:00:55 Yes, sir.

1:00:56 Adam You're 25?

1:00:57 Caller Yes.

1:00:58 Adam You want to naturally enlarge your penis?

1:01:01 Caller I would love to.

1:01:03 Adam Yeah.

1:01:03 Drew Ironically, Peter.

1:01:04 Adam Peter. That's right. Nothing really works.

1:01:10 Caller Nothing?

1:01:11 Drew Except surgery. That's why they have that surgery. And the surgery can give you about another inch or so in length and about an inch around.

1:01:18 Adam Here's the deal, too.

1:01:19 Caller Is it flaccid or hard?

1:01:22 Drew Here's the deal. When you ask that question, I know your penis is not small. Your self-esteem is.

1:01:28 Adam Why?

1:01:28 Drew Because they're trying to make, they're trying to build a case for a small penis. Uh-huh. Have you ever measured your penis erect?

1:01:36 Caller Uh, yes, I have.

1:01:38 Drew How long is it?

1:01:39 Adam Drew, you don't have to build a case for a small penis. You can use a cigar tube.

1:01:43 Drew I know. Okay. It fits right in.

1:01:45 Adam Just slide it right in.

1:01:46 Drew I use it when I travel.

1:01:48 Adam Well, I got build it. There I have them. I have to pack a little foam in there. But when I travel, I travel with my dork and a cigar tube. Nice brushed aluminum ones.

1:01:56 Drew Nice.

1:01:57 Adam And you know, when I pull out, it smells, has a nice woodsy smell to it.

1:02:01 Drew Oak.

1:02:02 Adam Hooker's ice. Oakey. Oakey finishes nice. Peter?

1:02:07 Drew Peter, how long is it?

1:02:09 Caller Between three and a half and four.

1:02:12 Adam That's erect?

1:02:13 Caller Yes.

1:02:14 Adam Oakey.

1:02:15 Caller All right.

1:02:15 Adam Well, so.

1:02:16 Drew All right. So there is a procedure to help you out. That people, 80% of men are in the five to seven range. And if you're in there, I'm not so sure operation is the way to go. I think men that preoccupy about their size when they're in the normal range, have a self-esteem problem. And the penis just becomes a symbol of him.

1:02:34 Adam Easy for a man of passion, who's in the rarefied air of above the seven range.

1:02:40 Drew And when it's actually below, then if you want to consider the procedure makes sense to me.

1:02:44 Adam A man of passion and a tool to carry out his passion. Weapon. A weapon. I mean, it's like you're like a homicidal maniac who commandeered F1 Abrams tank. Not only are you a maniac on the loose, but you actually have a very powerful weapon in your pants.

1:03:03 Drew I'm gonna do.

1:03:04 Adam Yeah. Passionate, passionate man. Now what about this, Drew? What about insurance for the medical procedure? If you could prove that you're beneath a certain thing, just like if your child is of a certain stature, you can actually get the drugs or the steroids to make the kid taller. I bet the insurance will pay for that. If you can prove that he's well below average.

1:03:27 Drew You'd have to prove that he has a medical reason for his low stature, a medical disease state. His small penis is genetic, that's that.

1:03:35 Caller No insurance.

1:03:37 Adam Oh, okay. So, that's an interesting point. So if your kid is just short...

1:03:42 Drew Just short, that's it. But if they have a correctable disease, you can get insurance for it.

1:03:47 Adam Can't one argue that being short is a correctable disease in a way?

1:03:51 Drew No, because you can't. You actually can't correct that. If you just try to make them taller, you actually make them shorter. If they don't have something they need help with.

1:03:58 Adam Well, they have hormones and drugs and things they can give the kid when the kid's coming into puberty that'll add a couple of inches to the kid's height. I've seen reports on it. If the kid is of lesser...

1:04:14 Drew If the kid needs it. But there's specific medically correctable conditions they can zero in on.

1:04:21 Adam They're not correcting a disease according to this thing I saw. The guy's affliction is he's going to be 5'3, as an adult. And they want him to get up to 5'7 1⁄2. And so when he turns 14, he starts giving himself injections in the belly. And he stretches a few inches out of it. I'm just saying, maybe... And some of this stuff's open to interpretation, right?

1:04:44 Drew Right.

1:04:45 Adam If you're... I mean, if you have a penis that is one inch long, you could probably get insurance to pay for, to correct. You might not be able to conceive a child.

1:04:54 Drew The irony is you have to spend half a million dollars on attorney's fees to get the 12 grand to have the procedure.

1:05:00 Adam Well, they are sort of opening up to these sorts of things a little more.

1:05:04 Drew Some insurances are. But the urologist that does this, Dr. Rosenfeld is his name. You had dealt with him too.

1:05:10 Adam Oh, yeah. Dr. Schwantz.

1:05:12 Drew Dr. Schwantz. He said no insurance.

1:05:15 Adam No insurance. Oh, boy. That'd be a great day for him when that kicks in, though. Peter?

1:05:19 Drew No, no, it won't. No, it won't.

1:05:23 Adam Hold on. Other people?

1:05:24 Drew Insurance. When insurance kicking in, they start setting the price and controlling it when you do it and all that stuff.

1:05:29 Adam Then a million other clinics all open up.

1:05:30 Drew No, no, no. The thing about insurance is they'll start cranking you down and saying, well, listen, we're sending patients somewhere else if you don't.

1:05:39 Adam Yeah.

1:05:39 Drew But insurance are a nightmare. But as it is, he's doing hand over fist cash.

1:05:42 Adam Oh, he is?

1:05:43 Drew Yeah.

1:05:44 Adam Hand over fist.

1:05:45 Drew Just 14 a week or something.

1:05:47 Adam 14 dark orations a week.

1:05:48 Drew Yeah.

1:05:49 Adam Wow. Peter? Yes.

1:05:53 Drew All right.

1:05:53 Adam So you're between three and four hard. You have a girlfriend?

1:05:56 Caller I have a wife.

1:05:57 Adam Now, she cool with it?

1:06:00 Caller Yeah. She's fine. She said actually it helps her to reach orgasm a lot better.

1:06:05 Drew All right. That's what you're worried about.

1:06:06 Adam That's done.

1:06:07 Drew How's that work? I'm curious. How does it make her reach a lot better? I got to know.

1:06:12 Adam I think she's being nice.

1:06:13 Drew Maybe.

1:06:14 Adam Peter?

1:06:15 Caller Yes.

1:06:16 Drew How does it work a lot better for her?

1:06:18 Caller I don't know. I guess she says she can get it to hit a certain spot. Sure. That's what she tells me. She might be trying to help me out. Yeah.

1:06:28 Adam All right. Well, listen to her. And look, when you have a small penis, you don't ask follow up questions. No follow ups.

1:06:35 Drew He's fine. He's good.

1:06:36 Adam He's fine.

1:06:36 Drew Yeah.

1:06:36 Adam And when somebody says, I know your small penis is great. It helps to work. Yeah. Fantastic. What do you want to eat? You don't get into that. Well, yeah. Explain it, smarty pants, because then it could get tough. You know what I'm saying?

1:06:48 Drew Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

1:06:50 Adam Yeah.

1:06:52 Drew I was still on talk to his wife. Is she there?

1:06:55 Adam No, no, it's come on. Anthony, come on, Drew. What kind of show are we doing? Anthony?

1:07:01 Caller Yeah.

1:07:01 Adam Twenty seven.

1:07:03 Caller Yeah.

1:07:04 Adam What's up?

1:07:05 Caller Well, I'm going out with my girl for about a couple of years now. And all she seems to want to do is have anal sex. And it's kind of complicated for me because, I mean, Bogus. I could do vaginal too, you know?

1:07:18 Adam Bogus.

1:07:20 Drew Yeah. What's the question?

1:07:21 Adam No, Bogus.

1:07:21 Caller I mean, how can I? I mean, I want to leave her. Bogus.

1:07:25 Drew Bogus.

1:07:27 Adam Come on, Anthony. You got to do better than this, buddy.

1:07:30 Caller I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:07:32 Drew Whatever.

1:07:32 Caller Yeah. I mean, is there anything I mean?

1:07:34 Adam Now, listen, go back and reload and come up with something that's not as lame and maybe you'll fool us. All right?

1:07:42 Caller Okay. Well, I'm just saying I just need some advice, man. I mean.

1:07:45 Adam Yeah, I know. But we would give you advice except for you're lying to us.

1:07:50 Drew There's no question.

1:07:50 Adam If you had a question, we would answer it. You have no question.

1:07:53 Caller Well, okay. Well, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm sorry to waste you guys' time, man.

1:07:57 Adam All right. Well, it was a good try.

1:07:59 Caller I know.

1:07:59 Adam It was a poor try. Because we started saying Bogus three or four words into it.

1:08:06 Caller No, I'm just saying. I mean, I mean, that's what she wants to do all the time, honestly. I mean, that's all she wants to do.

1:08:10 Adam I mean, now listen, let me let me tell you some about the Boguosity Geneva Convention.

1:08:16 Caller All right.

1:08:17 Adam If this is a made up phone call or made up question, you have to sound off.

1:08:22 Caller Right. Well, I mean, I don't think that. I mean, I'm just trying to be honest about it, you know. I'm just trying to be straight with it, man. I mean, she wants this is what she wants to do.

1:08:31 Drew And you don't want to do it.

1:08:33 Caller No, I mean, I do. But I mean, at first I was OK with it. I mean, but when I asked her, hey, well, this tried to do something different. I mean, she just kind of blows me off a little bit. I mean, well, I mean, what the hell? I mean, I want to do other things, too. I mean, not just that, you know.

1:08:48 Drew OK, well, do other things then.

1:08:50 Caller Well, she doesn't want to. I mean, this is all she wants. This is all she wants. It's either right or I leave. I mean, basically, that's basically what she.

1:08:59 Drew But what is it we can do to help you? I don't see where there's any question that we can.

1:09:03 Caller I mean, I mean, how can I go about it? I mean, is this normal for a woman or what?

1:09:08 Adam No, it's, this is so difficult, I guess. Hold on, let me just hold on a second.

1:09:13 Drew Is it normal? That's always a bogus sign.

1:09:15 Adam I, there's a small, it's very bogus. Yes, yes, yes. One of.

1:09:21 Drew Everybody says, is that normal? Is that way of.

1:09:23 Adam Red flag.

1:09:23 Drew Yeah.

1:09:24 Adam That's like the IRS looking to audit you. That's one of those things where, you know, they have a handful of things that they check for. And for us, when we hear, is that normal? Yeah, yeah, it's perfectly normal, perfectly healthy. Every woman, every woman craves anal exclusively. Yeah, totally normal. Everyone. Your mother, my mother, grandmother. As a matter of fact, that's how you were conceived. Anal. All right. Anthony, you insult us with your boguosity. And then secondly, you don't have the simple dignity to sound off when we broke you.

1:10:00 Caller Blyat! All right. I'm sorry about that.

1:10:05 Adam All right, all right.

1:10:06 Drew We broke the Geneva Convention.

1:10:07 Adam Listen, it really is. Let me explain how the bogus calls work, everybody. It's like Marco Polo. If you want to keep your eyes open, you can just swim around the pool and never get tagged. But it's not a game. The bogus calls are you present your bogus call, you do your best to fool us. And then if we cry bogus, you have to turn your cards over.

1:10:32 Drew Fish out of water.

1:10:33 Adam It's olly olly oxen free.

1:10:35 Drew If you're going to fish out of water and you jump back in and say, no, I wasn't, no game.

1:10:39 Adam No game. Absolutely no game. And that's the point. Because if we then say, oh, is this a bogus call? And you go, no, absolutely not. This is a serious problem.

1:10:49 Drew We have to take it seriously.

1:10:50 Adam Yes, we're like 911 operators. We got to send a unit out to the house. It's our...

1:10:57 Drew I wish we could charge these guys with something.

1:10:59 Caller Yeah.

1:11:01 Adam They should get on some sort of list. All right, you ready to rock, Drew?

1:11:04 Drew Let's go.

1:11:04 Adam Let me say this, Drew.

1:11:05 Drew Yeah.

1:11:06 Adam Let me tell you, I watch my car shows, you know? I watch a lot of car shows. And natural gas, good thing to run a car off of. Yeah. It's good. Works well. Now, how about now pick up on this, dig on this. Dig it on this, pops. Chris, you listening? All right. You found the difference between a magpie and a crow yet? Sure.

1:11:27 Drew I gave you that stuff. I'm digging, Daddy. Come on.

1:11:29 Adam Well, listen, you told us they were the same except for crows were cooler during the last commercial fight.

1:11:34 Caller That's right.

1:11:35 Drew OK.

1:11:35 Adam All right. It's your tax dollar at work, everyone of junior college.

1:11:39 Caller Here's the thing about the cars.

1:11:40 Adam Here's the thing about the cars. Natural gas. Good thing to run a car. I'm not an expert on it, but it works just fine. You can convert the engines easily. All right. Now, not too many filling stations for the natural gas. A little bit of a problem. And by the way, do we have a gas crunch 30 years ago in this country? Cadillac Escalade. What's that get? Nine miles a gallon? Anyway, what's going on? Natural gas, natural gas, natural gas. Ah, now a unit you plug into your garage, taps right into the gas that goes into your house. Oh, little compressor, little thing goes right on the bill. Buck a gallon. Park your car in, come home at night, pop the thing on, press the button, go in the house, go to bed. Get up next morning, tank full, buck a gallon.

1:12:27 Drew That's right.

1:12:27 Adam And you head out to work again.

1:12:29 Drew Let's go.

1:12:29 Adam Huh?

1:12:30 Drew Yeah.

1:12:30 Adam Filling up in your garage.

1:12:32 Drew Perfect.

1:12:32 Adam Never stop in a station again. Never the stink guy from the surly photo. What is it? What is it? Yeah. You're out of. I'm looking for some more paper towel. No, that cannot touch. No. No more of that a-hole. No, cannot have. No, cannot have guy. Yelling at you through the speaker, through the five inches Alexa. No, just get away.

1:12:56 Caller No, that's not, not, not.

1:12:57 Adam You don't have to deal with that a-hole anymore. You just go to your garage. Buck a gallon.

1:13:01 Caller No, you cannot have.

1:13:02 Caller No, no mixing.

1:13:04 Adam No, cannot have. That's a guy at the restaurant. No, get fired.

1:13:07 Caller No.

1:13:08 Adam See, that's a lovely culture. Remember when we went with System of Down out for Armenian food? Yes, yes. And got in trouble right away. Favorite part of the whole thing is like, hey, the guys from System of Down like, hey, meet us out in Glendale, a little Armenian over there. We go to a fabulous restaurant. We eat there twice a week. They know us. It's like Frank Sinatra pulling into an Italian joint in Vegas. I mean, everyone knows him. Hey, it's System of Down, everybody. Sit down at the table. Fantastic. John starts ordering from everybody. You got to try these sandwiches. They're awesome. Give us the Kafka-Kafui sandwich. No. It's on the menu. No, that's a takeout. Well, I know, but we want to eat them here. No.

1:13:46 Drew Give me a takeout. I'll eat it here, he says.

1:13:48 Adam We'll make a takeout with a seat at the table.

1:13:51 Caller No, cannot. No, next.

1:13:53 Adam It's like, big fan. It's like, these guys are the biggest Armenian rock band, only Armenian rock band in the world. And everyone loves them. And the guys at their native restaurant are yelling at them that they can't have something that's on the menu. I mean, we could order if we ate it out by the dumpster. Oh, we could probably order it, take it outside, walk it back in, shove it in our sock and bring it back in and eat it at the table. We can't eat it at the table. What else you need to know, Drew? What else you need to know? Do you need anything else? These guys are huge fans.

1:14:26 Drew Yes, can we go to break?

1:14:28 Adam Do you need to know anything else?

1:14:29 Caller No, no, cannot have.

1:14:31 Adam No, no, no, cannot have.

1:14:33 Caller No, no, no, cannot have.

1:14:35 Caller No, no, cannot have.

1:15:19 Adam Yeah, I'm telling you, it's like big country.

1:15:23 Drew His intros sound retro.

1:15:25 Adam What band is that?

1:15:27 Drew The Killers.

1:15:28 Adam Ah, The Killers. I like that song. They were in here recently, weren't they? Yeah. Yeah, they had good times. All right, let's keep rocking. What's the difference between a magpie and a crow? Chris, gonna hop right on it?

1:15:41 Drew What do you got, buddy? I'm gonna get on it.

1:15:43 Adam Okay. Anderson, figure that out, would you, buddy?

1:15:47 Drew As it stands, it looks to us like the magpie lives in England.

1:15:51 Adam And the crow's down here?

1:15:52 Drew Yeah. But then again, all we have is UK info.

1:15:55 Adam Drew, you remember when they laughed at me when I talked about my cancer and venereal sniffing dogs?

1:16:00 Drew No, no one's laughing now.

1:16:01 Adam They ain't laughing so hard anymore, are they?

1:16:03 Drew That's right.

1:16:04 Adam Jerry?

1:16:05 Caller Yeah.

1:16:06 Adam One day when my TACRO units hit the streets. Jerry?

1:16:13 Caller Yeah.

1:16:14 Adam Your girlfriend squirts when she has an orgasm?

1:16:17 Caller Yeah.

1:16:18 Caller Real quick, Adam, magpie is black and white.

1:16:21 Drew Yeah, we saw that.

1:16:22 Adam Hmm. All right. What's the beak color on the magpie?

1:16:26 Caller Black.

1:16:27 Adam Black. But heckle and Jekyll, the two magpies in the old cartoons, they had an orange beak.

1:16:34 Caller Yeah, I don't know what's going on.

1:16:36 Adam Hey, Drew, remember when we did Vibe or whatever and Sinbad was hosting?

1:16:42 Drew Yeah.

1:16:43 Adam We're going to find out. Hey, Chris, find out what happened to Sinbad too. Anyway, he was hosting and he was like, man, you guys are totally different. You're like Heckel and Jekyll. And it was funny because he's talking about two identical birds. I think he meant Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Heckel.

1:17:03 Drew I think that's probably right.

1:17:05 Adam But he ended up with ironically two twin cartoon birds.

1:17:08 Caller All right.

1:17:09 Drew Nice.

1:17:10 Adam Go ahead, Jerry.

1:17:13 Caller Yeah.

1:17:13 Adam Jerry?

1:17:14 Caller Go ahead.

1:17:14 Drew What's up?

1:17:16 Caller So yeah, whenever me and my girlfriend are having sex, you know, she comes and she squirts. And I've heard you guys talk about this before and it's not pee.

1:17:26 Caller I want to know what the fluid is.

1:17:28 Drew It's from the multiple glands in that area. Just like you have a prostate that produce fluid, women have glands there that can produce stuff too.

1:17:36 Adam You dig in it?

1:17:37 Caller Yeah.

1:17:38 Adam Yeah. It's your scene.

1:17:40 Drew Yeah.

1:17:40 Adam All right.

1:17:41 Drew Every time does she do this?

1:17:43 Caller Yeah, every time. Wow. Every time she comes, I mean, yeah.

1:17:46 Adam Talk about satisfying. That's something. I better get a yaw.

1:17:51 Caller Every time she comes though, I look around and she got an ass size of a mason jar.

1:17:56 Caller Oh, but yeah.

1:17:57 Drew They got us.

1:17:59 Adam Bogus Caller. Good job, Jerry.

1:18:01 Caller Yeah.

1:18:02 Adam Thanks for bringing back the A-hole the size of the mason jar. Yeah.

1:18:07 Caller Shout out to Loveline Companion.

1:18:08 Adam All right. Thanks, buddy.

1:18:10 Caller See ya.

1:18:12 Adam Hey, listen. For those of you who don't aren't young enough to remember, the oldest Loveline Bogus thing would finish with A-hole the size of a mason jar. And I guess Drew now tells me it's something I started.

1:18:28 Drew Yes. You said something about him.

1:18:29 Adam That somebody picked up.

1:18:30 Drew Right.

1:18:31 Adam It's funny. I always liked it. And I was like, I never liked the bogus part of it. But I gotta give him credit for the A-hole size of mason jar. And then I realized the reason I like it is because I thought of it.

1:18:41 Drew Now, the way to do it is to really savor it. Really hang us out to dry a little bit and then drop the mason jar.

1:18:48 Adam Yeah. And then there's a guy out in a long story. A guy out in Arizona that started it.

1:18:53 Drew Yeah.

1:18:53 Adam I don't know where he was. Hopefully dead or in jail. Possibly both. Yeah. But I remember seeing him when I went out to Arizona and I was going to do some hockey jersey. Goofball. All right. You ready to rock?

1:19:06 Drew Here we go.

1:19:07 Adam Let's talk to Nick.

1:19:10 Caller Nick.

1:19:11 Adam Oh, you have something on Crows?

1:19:13 Caller Crows, Magpies and Ravens.

1:19:14 Drew All right.

1:19:15 Adam Let's hear it, buddy.

1:19:16 Caller Okay. They're all from the same family, Corvus. The difference is that Magpies actually pika pika, which is essentially the same. They're all Corvus. But Crows actually hoard nuts and food. Whereas Magpies will just eat it. Ravens are scavengers. They've got different sorts of wing structures, so they're able to ride thermals.

1:19:39 Adam Now, who does the thermal riding?

1:19:41 Caller Ravens.

1:19:41 Adam Ravens. I think I have those around my head.

1:19:44 Drew Me too.

1:19:44 Adam I wonder if I could use Attack Ravens. I think I could work those too.

1:19:48 Caller Well, they're protected species, so you couldn't keep them in your home. All of Corvus are protected.

1:19:52 Adam Oh, Crows are protected?

1:19:54 Drew Yeah, that's one of the things they're saying. They used to be open season on them, and so farmers and things would kill them.

1:19:59 Adam All right, but enough is enough. I got a million of those things buzzing around my house every day.

1:20:03 Caller The thing is, you can actually train them. You're not supposed to do it illegally, but hey, you do have the ability to train them. Crows can actually speak. What? They have the ability to hoard. They can use nuts as currency. You've got Crows that are hide on Corleones of the Crow World. Wow. In the family Corvus.

1:20:20 Adam So let me get this straight. The Crows go out and collect nuts.

1:20:26 Caller Or whatever they want.

1:20:27 Adam Or whatever they want and then they would use that as a form of currency.

1:20:32 Caller For what?

1:20:32 Adam Prostitution. To hang other Crows.

1:20:34 Caller Yeah, of course.

1:20:35 Adam How about a beak chop?

1:20:36 Drew The oldest job, Adam.

1:20:38 Caller You could say it.

1:20:39 Adam Profession.

1:20:40 Caller No, they just use it among themselves, among other Corvus.

1:20:43 Adam Right, but what do they use it for?

1:20:45 Caller To pay off, to watch the horde, to find food, to essentially find new breeding grounds.

1:20:54 Adam So one Crow would give another Crow a nut to go do something?

1:20:59 Caller Essentially, more of a permission to find out where the horde is, or, because since they have a language of their own, they have words for man, they have words, or rather they have cause for man, cause for car, cause for what they request.

1:21:12 Drew Now we have to train one of these. Now I'm totally into this.

1:21:15 Adam They talk. I mean, I can hear them all, I can hear them yelling at each other all day long.

1:21:19 Drew They make the word, the weird, they do that one and they just do the weird caw.

1:21:24 Caller Right, the caw, caw.

1:21:26 Adam Yeah, yeah, I've heard of them, it's awesome.

1:21:28 Caller You can.

1:21:29 Adam Hey, hold on Nick, do you do any other birds?

1:21:33 Caller Let's think of one.

1:21:34 Adam Drew does fish. Drew, do your mag, do your walleye.

1:21:39 Drew I would do a grouper.

1:21:40 Adam Do a grouper. Yeah, it's awesome. Drew does a grouper, Drew does an amberjack, go ahead, do that one, Drew. Nice, nice buddy, and this is last but not least, do your fly on our call, awesome, that's awesome.

1:21:57 Drew Skipjack.

1:21:58 Adam Skipjack, do a skipjack, I'll do it again, I love that one, that's my favorite one. Alright, now do a drunk skipjack, awesome, awesome. Now do a skipjack from the south.

1:22:11 Drew Mexican, Mexican skipjack.

1:22:12 Adam Mexican skipjack. Yeah, nobody does fish like Drew. And that's not, he doesn't.

1:22:20 Drew I didn't come close.

1:22:20 Adam Oh yeah, he does starfish too. Drew, do your giant starfish. Go ahead. Sweet. Abalone? Abalone does abalone too. Yeah, tell you what, doesn't this guy do? He, he, he, see, I gotta, I gotta, if I was honest, if I was to be honest, your barnacles are five.

1:22:39 Drew Oh, it's, I'll work, I'll work.

1:22:40 Adam Nowhere near one of your anemones. All right, go ahead, Nick.

1:22:44 Caller No, if you want to know more information about the language that crows use and the hoarding and everything for their currency, that was in the October 2004 news scientist or rather science magazine. That has most of that information in it.

1:22:56 Adam It's too bad all this information in your high intelligence doesn't translate into one ounce of puntaic.

1:23:01 Caller Oh, that's negative.

1:23:03 Drew Really? Or get them out of San Bernardino.

1:23:04 Adam Are you getting laid?

1:23:05 Caller Not currently.

1:23:08 Drew Well, but right now.

1:23:09 Adam Hold on.

1:23:10 Caller Shocking.

1:23:11 Drew Shocking.

1:23:11 Caller And I'm at home tonight reading science magazine.

1:23:14 Adam So Nick, are you telling me that if I trained my crows, that I could come out of my house and be like, and that would mean we're going on a car drive as opposed to, which meant I was going on for a walk, you know, going out for a walk or it was trying to, you know, get a hand, get a wing in.

1:23:35 Caller They haven't sat down and done research like that. It's more like you could teach them to say things like corn. They'll, they're a little bit more interested in what they want to do. Kind of like that.

1:23:42 Adam They would understand.

1:23:43 Drew Oh, they'll heading.

1:23:44 Caller Exactly. You know, you show them a treat, you say corn, and they're going to be like, oh, corn.

1:23:49 Adam Yeah, they'll understand. Well, listen, look, thank you, Nick. You're a genius, by the way.

1:23:53 Caller Well, thanks.

1:23:54 Caller Oh, I had one more thing for Drew. I called in 10 years ago because I had a three day erection. I was 13 at the time.

1:24:00 Caller Wow.

1:24:01 Caller It was because it was my asthma inhaler. I was taking it incorrectly alongside of different ones. So I just wanted to say that worked out. I had the asthma inhaler mixed up with the wrong medication.

1:24:11 Drew Priapism.

1:24:12 Adam Calling all nerds. Let me tell you something, all nerds. It was, thank you, it was bothering Drew, too.

1:24:18 Drew Yeah, I'm so glad we're leaving now.

1:24:19 Adam 10 years, plagued. Finally, he can rest.

1:24:22 Drew All right.

1:24:23 Caller It didn't bother me too much, just that I was in marching band. Yeah, there goes with the nerds.

1:24:27 Adam Thanks, Boner Boy.

1:24:29 Caller I wasn't able to march right, so.

1:24:30 Adam Listen, I, you know, you could just put that long furry hat over it. I like you, Nick. What's going on with your life?

1:24:40 Caller Uh, just chillin. Just in school, that's it.

1:24:43 Drew Kelsey Riverside?

1:24:44 Caller No, Cal State San Bernardino. I wasn't there at the time.

1:24:46 Adam DeSane Junior College, by the way.

1:24:48 Caller No, that's correct, Cal State.

1:24:49 Adam Chris, hold yours for a second. Everyone, you know how I shout Junior College every 10 minutes to all the ideas to call the show? You want to know what the difference is? You don't hear it. You don't hear Junior College in this guy's voice. Thanks, Nick. Yeah, yeah. If we had mugs or windbreakers, that's any out one.

1:25:04 Caller All right, cool. Have a good one.

1:25:05 Adam All right, buddy. Thanks.

1:25:06 Drew Thanks, man.

1:25:06 Adam It's a good boy. All right, so what did we learn?

1:25:10 Drew The crows are smart. Smarter than we even thought.

1:25:12 Adam Look.

1:25:12 Drew Heady, a little heady.

1:25:13 Adam Look. Dog. You can teach a dog. You know, my dog, when I yell my dog, where's the squirrel? The dog goes nuts. My dog's stupid. Do you know what I mean? Brain to body, mass. You know what I mean? Dog weighs 80 pounds. Brain weighs as much as a matchstick. Crows, probably train those peps.

1:25:36 Drew Yeah?

1:25:38 Adam All right, Drew, it's coming together.

1:25:41 Drew I'm looking forward to this.

1:25:42 Adam If I'm not here tomorrow, it's because I'm out recruiting.

1:25:44 Drew We need a big butterfly net to catch a couple of crows.

1:25:47 Adam And they don't need to be on anyone's endangered list anymore. There's billions of those things. They drive me nuts. They wake me up every morning.

1:25:53 Drew That explains why they've been spreading so much, too.

1:25:55 Adam Yeah, everyone's been leaving them alone. All right, let's take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this.

1:26:02 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:26:04 Adam Loveline.

1:26:05 Caller Loveline, with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:26:08 Caller We'll be right back.

1:26:21 Adam Who's this, Anderson?

1:26:23 Caller Weezer.

1:26:25 Adam Does Weezer got a new CD out?

1:26:27 Caller Apparently.

1:26:28 Adam Yeah. Sounds good, except for I think we don't like those guys.

1:26:33 Caller Really?

1:26:33 Adam Not like Weezer?

1:26:34 Drew I can't remember. A long time ago, they were in here.

1:26:36 Adam A long time ago.

1:26:38 Drew No, you liked them.

1:26:39 Adam Oh, I did?

1:26:40 Caller Yeah, the main guy, I don't think you would have liked him, but he didn't come.

1:26:43 Adam Yeah, all right. Didn't Weezer start another band?

1:26:50 Caller Not that I'm aware of.

1:26:52 Adam Who am I trying to think of? Crystal?

1:26:57 Drew Caller Who Goes by Crystal, 28.

1:27:01 Adam Oh, she's asleep.

1:27:02 Drew Yeah, you hear her? Oh, I hear her. You hear that? Faint, faint breathing. This is not the big fat dude breathing.

1:27:13 Adam No.

1:27:13 Drew It's not even funny when we hear women breathing, huh?

1:27:16 Adam Women, they make no good noises. They barely fart. They don't snore. No snot shots. Yeah, snot shots. Yeah.

1:27:27 Drew There she is.

1:27:27 Adam She's been on hold for 75 minutes. Husband is paranoid about her cheating. She never has.

1:27:36 Drew Crystal?

1:27:37 Adam Now they're separated. Crystal, number seven in the white trash name department, by the way.

1:27:43 Drew Not far after Tammy or Cammie.

1:27:45 Adam No, not really. Well, maybe it's number three. Maybe it's up there a little higher. Oh, yeah, that's right. It was. Because my wife's niece is named Crystal, Linda. She was mad that I was yelling.

1:27:53 Drew Oh, no.

1:27:54 Adam Hey, but if the shoe fits, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

1:28:00 Yeah.

1:28:00 Adam Saw you on the cover of Grassroots Car Magazine. Oh, there's a Grassroots Car Magazine. I'm on. Scott?

1:28:07 Yeah. Hey, what's up, Adam?

1:28:08 Adam What's up?

1:28:09 Drew Yahey.

1:28:09 Adam Yahey.

1:28:10 Caller Yahey. I just wanted to give you a little shout out for your Grassroots Motorsports article a couple of months ago. I haven't heard anyone mention it and you have sweet tasting cars and they're pretty sweet. The Datsun and the Porsche, I was impressed.

1:28:23 Adam Oh, thanks. I never saw the, well, maybe I did see the article. It came out a few months ago?

1:28:28 Caller You didn't even read it?

1:28:30 Adam Well, I may have seen it. You don't, here's the thing, Scott. You think if you get in this business, you'll just see stuff or you know stuff.

1:28:38 Drew You and I don't.

1:28:39 Adam We don't know that much stuff or see that much stuff. But now that I think about it, yeah. But it wasn't on the cover of the magazine, was it?

1:28:45 Caller Oh, no, you were on the cover fully.

1:28:47 Caller No.

1:28:48 Adam My self-esteem is so low that I actually took myself off the cover in my mind's eye and put myself on a back page somewhere and I probably added 30 pounds to my head.

1:28:58 Drew Sure. Sure.

1:28:58 Caller It looks like they came to your house and did a full-on pictorial in your garage.

1:29:02 Caller Yeah, they did.

1:29:04 Adam Yeah, yeah. No, I do remember now. And I actually remember getting the magazine, too.

1:29:07 Drew With the cover?

1:29:09 Caller You should read it, man. It's an interesting article.

1:29:10 Adam Yeah, it was on the cover. I probably did read it. Now I remember. I stashed it away somewhere, though. But thanks, Scott. I'm glad you enjoy it. You like those old cars?

1:29:18 Caller I definitely do. I'm glad to see you don't have, like, a charger or a mercy-a-lago. It's not standard. You have eclectic paint.

1:29:24 Drew Oh, he has a new one.

1:29:26 Adam Yeah. Got to ask in Martin. But it's hot.

1:29:30 Caller Yeah.

1:29:32 Adam Yeah, no, listen. OK, Scott, dig on this. I watch Cribs all the time.

1:29:38 Drew Yeah.

1:29:39 Adam I love that show, Cribs.

1:29:39 Drew Yeah.

1:29:40 Adam Yeah, you got to go in everyone's house. Yeah. You can see what the crib looks like. And whether it's an athlete, a rock star, whoever, actor, they go down to the driveway. There's the Hummer, the ubiquitous black Hummer with the 22-inch triple chrome rims on there. And then they got the Mercedes SL55, they got the sports car Mercedes, and then usually the Denali. And once in a while, you'll see a Lamborghini in there. But the point is, is they all drive the same car. Yeah. And it's weird. It sort of, to me, cancels it out. Like if every MFer who makes more than 80 grand a year buys a Hummer, why should you get in line? You just become another one of them.

1:30:22 Drew It is weird, huh?

1:30:23 Adam Yeah. And every single, well, if you're black, it's like some sort of federal mandate that you have to drive the same car. Like I believe if you're black and you make more than $110,000 a year, they actually drop a Hummer off at your car. GM's pissed off about it because they're losing money. But what are you going to do? Rules are rules. These guys all drive the exact same cars. And the white guys are the same thing too. There's about four cars and that's about it. Wow. I don't know why they don't go get something cool. Go get something old and cool or something new and cool or something new and different or old and different.

1:30:53 Caller That's exactly why I'm complimenting you. You seem to have lived out your words.

1:30:58 Adam Thanks, Scott. Yeah, well, you know, actions do speak louder than words, but that's why I see them blow hard all night for two hours. Thanks, Scott. Where are we going, Drew?

1:31:07 Drew Where are we going, Drew?

1:31:09 Adam Drew's done. He's tired. I'm going to go with who's been on hold the longest, because that's me. Rory.

1:31:15 Drew Rory.

1:31:16 Caller Yeah.

1:31:17 Adam Your girlfriend cut your penis with her ring when she was giving you a hand job.

1:31:23 Caller Yeah, man. Serious pain. They were just fooling around beginning of the night, and she switched hands before I knew it, and she was grating it.

1:31:35 Drew What's the question?

1:31:37 Caller Well, the question is how you fix that problem, and how to get rid of the pain for something like that.

1:31:43 Drew How to get rid of the pain of a scratch?

1:31:45 Adam How to get rid of a pain if you cut your finger?

1:31:48 Caller She cut the tip of it, cut part of a small piece of the tip off, and the pain of it is excruciating.

1:31:55 Adam It's feeling bogus.

1:31:57 Drew He doesn't sound like a bogus guy, though.

1:31:59 Adam You don't sound bogus, Rory, because you sound like you're void of a sense of humor. But that doesn't mean you can't call up and try to be bogus.

1:32:05 Drew I understand. Well, how would you deal with any other wound in any other part of your body?

1:32:09 Caller Well, I wouldn't think it would be something you'd just simply go to the doctors to take care of.

1:32:12 Drew Why not?

1:32:14 Caller I'm not sure how they would do that.

1:32:16 Adam Drew, a urologist would laugh you right out of his office to try to show him the problem with your penis.

1:32:19 Drew Yeah, of course. They'd never deal with that.

1:32:22 Caller Okay.

1:32:23 Adam Unless you're not going to your priest. You're going to a doctor who looks at the penile all day long. Okay, here's the thing. If you have an actual serious cut on your penis, go see a doctor.

1:32:33 Drew Yeah, a wound.

1:32:35 Adam If you just have a scrape, then it's the same as you having a scrape on your finger. You take a couple of Tylenol, you go to bed.

1:32:40 Drew Put a bandaid on and keep it clean.

1:32:42 Adam All right, we gotta take a break.

1:32:43 Drew No, we gotta take a break. Let's break. Come on.

1:32:45 Adam How accurate are herpes' blood tests? No outbreaks, misdiagnosed?

1:32:49 Drew Yeah.

1:32:50 Adam How accurate are herpes?

1:32:51 Drew Very poor. If you don't see an outbreak, they're very inaccurate.

1:32:54 Adam That's how they diagnose herpes.

1:32:56 Drew That's bad. No, that's not how they should do it with a culture of the actual outbreak.

1:33:00 Adam Yeah, I mean, that's what I'm saying. They don't do it with a blood test. They'll try, but not that accurate. All right, there you go, James. We'll be back after this. Yo! Well, that's it, everybody. God bless you for listening. Adam Scott in here from Monster Law. He was in here, an aviator. Good guy, good people, dear, dear friend. Tomorrow night, and until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahala.

1:34:02 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, May 10, 2005