Episode 1000710693660

1:02 Adam Hey, everybody! It's Loveline, not just Loveline, the best of Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew. Don't bother calling, cause you ain't gonna get us. So enjoy a little of the best of Loveline. Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-ELE-VE-191. I got this thing. I think it's a splinter or something. It keeps getting growing and stuff. I thought it was just a cut, but there's something in there. It's trying to push out my finger in a splinter. It's a little pussying. Oh, please, it's fine. But I mean, it's growing. It's got a little energy to it. There's stuff that's dead, and then there's stuff that's alive. That's alive. There's like old zits and new zits.

1:52 Drew That may be an infected cut.

1:53 Adam Yeah, it's an infected cut because it was a scrape.

1:56 Drew And there may be something in there. There may be something in there. It doesn't look like it, though.

1:59 Adam No, it's just a scrape. It's just an infected cut. All right.

2:02 Drew Hot water, hot soaks.

2:03 Hot water, hot soaks?

2:05 Adam All right, well, good times. Nisborne. All right, let's talk to...

2:10 Drew Bactra Band, if you got that, I'll ever get you that.

2:12 Adam Who? Bactra Band.

2:14 Drew Bactra Band's good.

2:16 Adam He was Aquaman's buddy? Who's Bactra Band? What's Bactra Band?

2:21 Drew It's a good, really powerful topical antibiotic.

2:23 Adam Yeah. What's Aquaman's buddy?

2:26 Drew Bactra Band.

2:27 Adam What the hell is that? Like Minnow or something. Joe?

2:31 Drew Yes.

2:31 Adam You're 23?

2:33 Drew I sure am.

2:34 Adam Yeah. All these guys had a young, gay sidekick to make them look a little better. You know what I mean?

2:38 Drew It's always like Batman and Robin.

2:40 Adam Right. Even there was like Wonder Boy 2 or something. Superman had a sidekick to it at some point.

2:47 Drew What did Space Ghost do? Who do you have?

2:50 Adam Space Ghost.

2:51 Drew Ultar.

2:53 Adam Go ahead, Joe.

2:55 Hi. Thanks for taking my call, guys. Hardly waited on hold at all. Anyways, I am in Vegas right now and just stopped off of a drive across the country and I had sex with an escort and it was my first time ever having sex.

3:10 Adam Oh, really?

3:10 Drew Ever having sex, period.

3:12 Period, yes.

3:13 Adam So you're 23. You were a virgin up until last night?

3:17 Caller Up until 45 minutes ago.

3:20 Adam 45 minutes ago?

3:20 Drew Oh, wow. Yeah.

3:21 Adam All right. And did you enjoy yourself?

3:25 Caller I guess not as much as I had expected or had built it up to be.

3:29 Drew How come?

3:31 Caller Yeah, I guess it was I wasn't sure what the physical sensation would be and it was not quite what I expected.

3:38 Adam Yeah.

3:38 Caller It was enjoyable but not mind-blowing.

3:41 Drew Did you wear a condom?

3:43 Adam Yes. Yeah. You got to wear a condom. Good. What about the woman? Were you attracted to her?

3:49 Caller She wasn't the woman in the picture on the website, but she was not bad-looking.

3:53 She was good-looking.

3:56 Adam That chick never seems to be around.

3:59 Caller Yeah. Well, I wasn't too surprised.

4:01 Adam Yeah. But you were attracted to her?

4:03 Caller Yeah. She definitely had a great body.

4:06 Adam And now, did you fall in love with her?

4:09 Caller Oh, absolutely not.

4:11 Adam All right. There wasn't any, once in a while, especially when you've had a lot of love to give for many years.

4:16 Caller Yeah. That's what I was afraid of, and I'm glad that didn't happen, but.

4:21 Adam All right. And so, you had intercourse.

4:25 Caller Yes.

4:25 Adam You get any oral sex?

4:28 Caller Yeah. First the oral, then the intercourse.

4:30 Adam Yeah. That's nice. Oral with the condom?

4:33 Caller Yes.

4:34 Adam Yeah. Seems bizarre.

4:36 Caller Yeah.

4:36 Adam But.

4:37 Caller I wouldn't have had it any other way with the escort.

4:40 Adam Oh, really?

4:40 Caller Yeah.

4:41 Adam Yeah. I could probably, they could probably ply me with a little Jaegermeister that might come off with the oral.

4:48 Drew Well, what's your question?

4:49 Caller Yeah. Well, you know, I've been seeing a therapist back in Charlotte, where I'm moving from for the last four or five months. And I guess one of the main topics and one of the reasons I went to therapy was the fact that I've had very little success in the area of female relationships.

5:08 Adam Well, you just nail the hooker. Come on, how badly could you be doing?

5:12 Caller And, you know, I think on the long drive out towards California, I kind of, you know, had a lot of time to myself and time to think. And I decided I kind of just wanted to get this, I guess, monkey off my back of still having my virginity at this age.

5:26 Adam Yeah.

5:27 Caller And I decided to kind of pull the trigger.

5:29 Drew All right. All right.

5:30 Adam Well, now why do you think you were a virgin up until the ripe old age of 23?

5:35 Caller All right. You know, I wish I could answer that question. It's, I mean, I think I'm a pretty confident guy in every area except for with females. Definitely confident work and confident in my academic life.

5:52 Adam Let me explain, hold on a second, let me explain something about how women work. Once you start to spiral a little bit, you get punished for it sexually. I mean, you don't get stuff. The guys who, you know, you could have been walking down the street and fall into a giant vagina when you were 15 and a half and you would have been paid with more sex by those women in your school and around you. When you got that sort of stink of the guy who can't score, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and it becomes like an unspoken collaboration between all women of world like hey we we gotta now keep this guy virgin till he's 70.

6:38 Drew Isn't that weird?

6:40 Adam It is weird because as a guy you find a woman like you know you find the you know male version a female version of Joe.

6:47 Drew You're striking. You're like.

6:49 Adam They do that you know you know with guys you'll hear that you go well you know I've been told I'm attractive and I'm a good student and I make a decent living and I'm athletic and I just haven't been able to put anything together. That that does not exist in the female world. There's no attractive athletic but well to do woman who can't get laid.

7:08 Drew What that must mean though see for the woman the reason that there's no such version of that is that she doesn't have to put forth any drive right. She has to just not say no.

7:16 Adam It's a field offers. Yeah.

7:18 Drew And not just not not fend them off right. And it's game on. But for a guy they they've got to instituted a behavior right.

7:26 Adam So if they're confidence right.

7:28 Drew No. That means he's not doing any of that. Well you got to do a lot of that.

7:31 Adam It's a couple of things. A. Their confidence is not great. So it makes it difficult to execute that B. The women have that unspoken thing where they have that. He has the stink.

7:43 Drew No I understand that's all there. So and he may and he may behave in a way that sort of makes that even more apparent.

7:49 Adam Because but the stink of a hooker is more attractive to other women than the stink of a loser. Isn't that great? Joe.

8:00 What do we want women for?

8:01 Adam That's a real, that should be the topic for tonight. We should focus on cars and sports and call it a life. Joe you could be our accountant or something. All right so look so now you went and got it over with.

8:14 Caller Yeah.

8:15 Adam Fine it was enjoyable but not the experience it had been built up to be and it's never going to live up to that.

8:21 Caller Right.

8:22 Adam Because you've been thinking about this since you know you were fifteen. So fine you got it over with.

8:28 Caller That was good.

8:28 Adam Now you feel like you have a little more momentum because you have the sort of stink of the virgin off you. You've lifted the curse and you can go out and be with a woman. But don't tell her you're with a prostitute ever. None of them. Do you understand?

8:43 Caller Yeah. It's the only people I plan on telling.

8:45 Adam Thank you. It's unnecessary. It's absolutely unnecessary. People think they need to come clean with that kind of stuff. No, no. You freak a chick out.

8:54 Drew Yeah.

8:54 Adam Chicks get freaked out. I mean, Drew, you made that mistake, right?

8:57 Drew What?

8:58 Adam Telling the old lady about the gal, you know.

9:03 Drew The professional?

9:04 Adam I tripped Indonesia.

9:05 Drew Never did that.

9:06 Adam No. Never did the prostitute. Me neither. What are you going to do?

9:14 Drew What's wrong with this?

9:15 Adam Drew, why? Why not you? Is it a man of such extreme passion?

9:18 Drew I guess it never really crossed my mind.

9:22 Adam Really?

9:23 Okay.

9:24 Drew Thank goodness, because I was back in the day of AIDS and things like that.

9:27 Adam Yeah.

9:27 Drew People weren't really...

9:28 Adam Yeah.

9:29 All right.

9:31 Adam Yeah. All right. Sophia?

9:34 Yeah.

9:34 Adam You're 17?

9:35 Caller Hey, you guys. You guys are awesome. First of all.

9:37 Adam Thanks, baby doll. What's up?

9:40 Caller All right. To sum it all up, I got kicked out of my Catholic all-girl school this year. I'm from senior year.

9:47 Yeah.

9:48 Caller Stuck in a mental hospital for a week. And let's see, I got pissed off with everything and I flew to Massachusetts. It took me three months. Got introduced to the wonderful world of drugs.

10:00 Drew What were you doing in Massachusetts?

10:02 Caller I had a friend that lived out there and she, yeah, she moved here like a week ago.

10:07 Adam You had a what?

10:07 Drew A friend that lived out there.

10:08 Adam Oh, I thought you had a son.

10:10 Caller Yeah.

10:10 Adam A friend. How do you afford to fly out there? Do your parents have money?

10:16 Caller I had money saved up.

10:18 Adam All right. I see you flew out to Massachusetts and you're calling from Los Angeles.

10:26 Caller Yeah. I came back like two months ago.

10:28 Adam Your parents live in Los Angeles?

10:30 Caller Yeah, they do. I made up this whole lie to them and my friend's mom went along with it that I was going to put her and her parents.

10:39 Adam All right. So you went there and you just started doing drugs.

10:42 Caller Yeah.

10:43 Adam And now what?

10:45 Caller And now I'm back and I am on my hunt for coke here. I got introduced to Crystal Meth and I-

10:52 Adam Crystal Meth? What is that? I don't believe I know what that is. What is Crystal Meth? Yeah. Speed.

11:01 Caller Now, I'm just kind of wondering what the long-term effects of it is basically.

11:08 Drew Well, there are multiple levels to that question.

11:11 Adam Speed is the nastiest of all drugs, I think. It really- you see these emaciated people, they're chain smoking, they're picking at themselves.

11:20 Drew Yeah, it causes a picker syndrome.

11:22 Caller It's my favorite so far.

11:23 Adam It's a real- it's a super white trashy drug.

11:28 Drew Eventually, you will become paranoid, and you will begin believing that friends, family, coworkers, neighbors are plotting against you or going to have you arrested, or going to have you killed or something, and you will potentially become violent in response to all that. That's number one. Number two, you will have- you are in the process of developing a severe addiction which is a potentially fatal and a progressive illness.

11:50 Adam How addicting- where does speed rank with Coke?

11:54 Drew It's not as rapidly addictive, but it's more subtly and perniciously addictive. In other words, cocaine fast addictive. Speed, once you get going with it, it's very hard to stop. Very hard. Yeah. So, and finally, and the more serious issue with speed is that it damages, it actually carves out. I know I'm trying to think of a dramatic way to say this. If I were to do cat scans or pet scans on your brain, I would see areas of holes in your brain where the mood centers were, where the memory centers are. So, the sign that you're going to have chronic...

12:26 Adam A lot of chicks have that where the math used to be.

12:29 Drew Yeah. That was actually the mood problem, which makes it worse.

12:33 Caller I don't know what to do because I got put into a mental hospital for a severe depression, suicide attempt after I got kicked out of school. No, that was actually during school. But now, as far as it sounds, I am such a better person on meth. Like in every way possible. I know it's really sad, but it's really true. Like I can function so much better on it.

12:53 Drew It's your perception. And in fact, the reason people do drugs in the first place, in all cases, is that they work. They make you feel better and they make you function better. And then they don't. And when they don't, you can't stop. That's what addiction is.

13:09 Adam All right. So you got to get some help, baby doll.

13:12 Drew People don't do drugs because they don't work. They do them because they make them feel better, make them function better, make everything better for a short while. And then the house of cards collapses.

13:24 Adam Yeah.

13:25 Caller Mixing antidepressants and stuff like that. Is that bad in any way?

13:29 Adam No, that's very healthy.

13:32 Very positive.

13:33 Caller All right.

13:34 Adam Oh, look, you got to get some help. What are you doing? Are you living at home? Did you move home?

13:39 Caller Yeah, I'm living here at home.

13:40 Adam All right. And your parents don't see that you're on drugs?

13:44 Caller No, not at all. They thought I was before when I wasn't because according to them, if you're suicidal, you're crazy or on drugs.

13:51 Adam Yeah.

13:52 Drew Well, they may have a point.

13:53 Caller Now I'm acting totally normal and to them, I am like sober.

13:57 Adam Oh, no, don't worry.

13:58 Drew You'll get paranoid.

13:58 Adam Get yourself some help, please. Here's the thing, everybody. And by the way, I get one of these kids. I'm freezing them and I'm your kids. Yeah. I'm dipping them in liquid nitrogen and that's it. I can't be brought up. Eh, maybe manslaughter. I believe if I moved to Nevada, I'm trying to event I will not be convicted. Maybe I maybe I get like involuntary manslaughter. I do 18 months. Meanwhile, the kid for freezing a kid isn't well, the kid will be in a state of suspended animation, but not dead, not dead. The heart may stop beating, but the soul does not die.

14:39 Drew Right.

14:40 Adam By the way, the kid's 16, 17. Good as new. We bring the kid back when, you know, we have some drugs to straighten them out. That's going to be my plan because, oh, if I get one of these daughters, it's just, I hate you and I got to do. It starts to look like Avril Lavigne and doing speedballs. I'm going to have to kill myself, Drew. I don't know what to do.

15:08 Drew You will.

15:08 Adam I got to hire someone to like, I will stage a takeover gang-like attack on my home.

15:17 Drew Yeah.

15:17 Adam You know what I'm saying?

15:18 Drew Yeah.

15:19 Adam Scare the bejesus out of her. Maybe give her like a pistol whip, something. I don't know what the hell to do.

15:24 Drew She'll use more. That's clear that you don't know what to do.

15:27 Adam Yeah. I'm going to freeze her. Yeah. I have to freeze her.

15:29 Drew That's a better idea.

15:31 Adam Oh, I hate you.

15:35 Drew It's a good news. You won't get any of that.

15:37 Adam Oh, no, I won't.

15:38 Drew But your wife. Oh, yeah.

15:41 Adam No, my kids are going to know. They'll be scared. Healthy, a healthy fear, a healthy fear. Nothing wrong with a little respect for the elders, Drew. All right. She's got to get in some rehab or something. Yeah.

15:53 Drew His treatment. Absolutely.

15:55 Oh, all right.

15:57 Adam And here's what we're saying. This is the essence of the show. Besides me complaining about traffic laws in this city, we talk to people at 16. We talk to people at 23. We talk to people at 35. We see where it's going.

16:11 Drew Yeah.

16:12 Adam You don't have to quit whatever you're doing at 17. You can string it out for a few years. Maybe get raped a time or two because you're hanging around with drug addicts and you're in places you shouldn't be at the wrong time.

16:25 Drew Brain damage gets worse.

16:26 Adam You get a little bit of brain damage. You got to get on some mood stabilizing stuff when you're a little bit older. You end up getting a few skeletons in your closet. Maybe you gave a homeless guy a hand to get a hit or something. There's a couple of little things. Worst case scenario, you find Jesus Christ. Then your life's really over. But you screw up, you get a couple of wrinkles and maybe a scar, and maybe a little hepatitis and some pink eye. And then five years later, all you do is drink three pots of coffee a day and chain smoke. And if you're lucky, you're still alive.

16:58 Drew At meetings, hopefully.

16:59 Adam Yeah, and your parents aren't. You've burnt a few good bridges. All right, you could do that. You could spend the next five, six years doing that. Or you could just sort of fix it now.

17:08 Drew Yeah.

17:08 Adam Let's get to it now.

17:09 Drew And have a life.

17:10 Adam And have a life.

17:11 Drew I mean, really, at 17, you're on the launching pad. And that trajectory is not going to be too pretty if you let it spiral.

17:18 Adam Jose.

17:19 Oh, yeah.

17:20 Adam You're 17?

17:21 Yeah. Yeah. I got a question was for Dr. Drew.

17:24 Drew Yeah.

17:25 Yeah. I got a problem with my penis. It's like there's like brown spots on it. I was wondering if it was like a disease or something, you know, like I should go get it checked out by a clinic or something like that.

17:34 Drew Are you sexually active?

17:35 Adam That's your balls, by the way. I thought that myself. Are you active sexually?

17:39 No, not really.

17:40 Drew So how would you have gotten the disease?

17:42 No, I was just wondering if it was or not, you know, like.

17:44 Drew Well, how would you have gotten? Let's just use some logic for a second.

17:47 I don't know.

17:48 Adam Well, have you been sexually active in the past?

17:51 No. Actually, no, it's a bit sometimes.

17:56 Adam You know where that hand's been. Yeah. Hand could have been with many other people. And let me tell you something, when you beat off, Drew, you are with every partner that hand has been with. You know, when you don't wear a gardening glove. Do you understand, Drew?

18:09 Drew It's devastating. Yes, I know.

18:11 Adam Okay. Put it this way. Hold on a second. Every guy you've ever shaken hands with is putting his hand on your dork when you masturbate.

18:23 Drew Disgusting.

18:23 Adam Yeah. I'm left-handed, though.

18:25 Drew Oh, that's why.

18:28 Adam Uh-huh. So I do. I shake with my right, jack with my left. Thank you very much. You see what my logic is. But you righties, and I know Chris, he's an orthodox jacker, right, Chris? Yeah.

18:43 Drew Suddenly he's not so anxious to talk on the radio.

18:45 Adam Oh, sure. Well, he's got to go home as folks are listening.

18:49 Drew Just his mom.

18:51 Caller Mi-ho!

18:52 Drew What are you doing in there? Nothing!

18:57 Adam I know what goes on at that hour. Now, the mom's Italian.

19:00 Drew That's right.

19:00 Adam The dad's the, the dad's the Mexican. All right. So, yeah, Jose. That's right.

19:06 That's right.

19:07 Adam Jose.

19:07 Yeah.

19:08 Adam You're fine. It can't be a venereal disease because you haven't had sex.

19:12 Was it like maybe like a birthmark or something? Kind of something like that, maybe?

19:15 Drew Yeah. But Jose, you're not even describing to me what we're talking about. All I know is it's something.

19:21 It's like brown spots like on my penis.

19:24 Drew Yeah. Well, that doesn't help. If you want somebody to evaluate it, go have it evaluated just to be sure.

19:29 Adam Yeah. Go to the doctor. He's fine.

19:31 Drew I have no idea how vague that is.

19:31 Adam It's a little skin discoloration.

19:33 Drew Yeah. It's probably nothing.

19:34 Adam Let me give you my three stages of MiHo. I've not done this one in a while. Somebody at the office wanted me to do this the other day and it reminded me.

19:43 Drew Okay.

19:43 Okay.

19:45 Adam This is Chris's mom, engineer Chris's mom calls him MiHo, as you know. This is her and this is the three MiHos.

19:55 Drew Okay.

19:55 Adam Okay. The first one is she's come back from the market.

20:00 Drew She's going to help.

20:01 Adam She's going to make Chris some menudo. That's his favorite.

20:03 Drew Is it that or she wants help taking the groceries out?

20:05 Adam She's just announcing her arrival. She's in a good mood. She's going to make Chris some, what I say, Menudo. Menudo. That's his favorite dish.

20:14 Drew She's Italian.

20:16 Adam Don't screw up the story. She calls him MiHo. So she comes. He's got some Mexican in him. It's funnier if it's his mom. So she walks, she walks through the door. And this is the first MiHo.

20:28 Caller MiHo!

20:30 Adam That's him home. She's announcing her arrival. Now, it's a little bit dark. She sees his bicycles in the driveway. The light should have been on by now. He's usually watching TV in the living room.

20:43 Drew Oh, she's coming home. There's all three coming home MiHo's.

20:47 Adam Still, now she's walking through the house. She's going further. She's going down the entry hall. She's still holding the bag of groceries, but it's gotten dark outside. No one's turned the lights on. Now we get to suspicious ones. MiHo? This is what's going on. Is he here? Is there foul play afoot?

21:03 Caller Who?

21:05 Adam Now she goes up the stairs, opens MiHo's door.

21:10 Drew Oh my God.

21:11 Adam We see she's still holding the grocery. We see, at camp, our point of view is behind the swinging legs of MiHo's. He's hung himself, but we see her as the legs go by.

21:24 Drew Even worse, he's...

21:27 Adam Auto-erotic asphyxiation. She drops the groceries in slow motion. We see the eggs and the tomatoes, so smash it on. And then this is the third one.

21:36 MiHo!

21:39 Adam So those are the three.

21:40 Drew Three stages of MiHo.

21:42 Adam Yeah, that's what happens. All right. So should I go through them again?

21:47 Drew No, no, I got it. Got it?

21:49 Adam Well, take ourselves a little break. And when we come back, we're going to speak to Tim, who's 17, has a theory about Kurt Cobain's death. Be prepared for disappointment, folks. That's all I can tell you. I will be happy if it's a well-constructed sentence.

22:09 Drew I'll be happy if the theory is just his heart stopped beating.

22:12 Adam Okay.

22:12 Drew You know, just some matter-of-fact theory.

22:14 Adam How many theories have we heard on this show since we've been here? Since I've been here?

22:18 Drew Yeah.

22:19 Adam Several hundred?

22:20 Drew Oh, yeah. And they've been all just clairvoyant. I had theory, unfortunately, does not even begin to approximate a definition of what these things actually were. All right.

22:28 Adam Well, this will be good. All that after this.

22:31 Caller Thank you for calling Loveline.

22:33 Caller Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

22:40 Drew This portion of Loveline is sponsored in part by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. Safety Belt Enforcement is not about tickets. It's about saving lives. So remember, click it or ticket.

23:05 Adam Hey, everybody. What is happening? I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Drew Cruz in the internet, not listening to the spirited conversation engineer Chris and myself are having.

23:17 Drew Yeah, it was pretty, it was riveting. I was talking about Chris becoming your houseboy, your ward.

23:22 Yeah, I take care of you.

23:24 Drew I see you too, like Batman or Robin.

23:27 Adam And following me around. I'm wearing my house coat and slippers. I've taken to smoking a pipe now. He's following me around and I'm saying things like take a note, take a note. He's got a scratch pad, he's writing stuff down.

23:40 Drew I just, I was just thinking about how your wife's going to like all that.

23:44 Adam He loves a good boy.

23:45 Yeah.

23:47 Adam He's like a young me.

23:49 Drew She's a little old.

23:51 Adam Kristen?

23:52 Yes.

23:53 Adam You're 19?

23:54 Caller Yes.

23:56 Adam You have to turn your radio down, please.

23:58 Okay, it's down.

23:59 Adam Okay, what's up?

24:01 Is Adam?

24:02 Adam Yes.

24:03 Okay, I was just calling because every time a girl sounds even remotely stupid or she says the wrong thing, you ask her if she's in junior college. And that's so terrible because I go to junior college and we're not all stupid.

24:19 Adam Hold on, hold on. Quiet down.

24:21 Drew She's a qualifier so we're not all stupid.

24:22 Adam Hold on one second. First off, you said every time a girl does this, that's probably more guys than girls. You think so?

24:31 Because I see you guys almost every night. It's like every girl is like, hey, are you in junior college?

24:37 Drew Well, you may be because that's sort of your issue and so you hear it more heavily.

24:41 Adam This is a very interesting point, which is when people-

24:45 Drew People listen to the radio.

24:46 Adam Hold on a second. I'm putting her on hold because her line is so effed up. But people hear things, they have a certain amount of momentum with it. This is where all the A-hole letter writers of the world come in and this is why they need to be ignored. She hears me making fun of girls almost exclusively for going to junior college when it's 65-35 guys, maybe 60-40, mainly guys, actually, more so. Lion's share of it is guys and I'm not saying that to defend myself. It doesn't really matter. It's just the way it is. The last one happened to be a gal, but it's mostly guys. All right. Boy, you got a junior college phone there, too.

25:29 Caller I'm sorry. I'm just driving home. I love you guys. I think you're so great.

25:34 Adam Thanks, baby doll.

25:36 Caller It would be so cool if you could give us a little bit of credit every once in a while.

25:39 Drew Well, now, wait a minute. He does give credit on certain fronts. One is, A, do you go to nursing school?

25:45 Caller No, no.

25:47 Adam Here's what you're OK. Let me I'll give you my junior college exceptions. OK, here they go. Here they are. Nursing school. Something very specific. You're not there for general education. You're there to get whatever that degree you need to get your nursing certificate. All right. That's your degree. You get an RN degree or you become an RN.

26:09 Drew You get an RN.

26:10 Adam They call it an RN.

26:11 Drew There's a BS. RN. There's a bachelor's degree in nursing, but it's RN.

26:14 Adam So you go in there, get specifically going for something. Yeah. Number two, crazy nationalities moved in this country. You were like a doctor, wherever you were. You came here. You got to get your, you got to, you got to, you got to bone up for the boards. Fine. There's that. There's the, any, almost any nationality I'll take. Yeah. I'll take almost any, anyone that comes to this country has got to, got to get their, their bearings.

26:40 Drew You have to be new to the country. We accept any nationality.

26:42 Adam Now, be nice to be new to the country.

26:44 Drew How many months or years?

26:45 Adam If you're third generation Korean, you got no excuse.

26:48 Drew Okay. Well, your parents kill themselves, but.

26:50 Adam But you got to come here. Yeah, your parents kill themselves too. If you're third and you go to junior college. Okay. So, crazy nationalities that come here from other countries. Fine. Nursing school students. And then what I like to call, oh, then you got your athletes. This is just your stupid guy who couldn't make the grades, but he's a phenomenal basketball player, a football player is looking to transfer. That's fine. And then what I like to call your hard luck cases. This is the guy whose dad got pancreatic cancer his senior year of high school and had to drop out to basically go home and take care of the guy.

27:25 Drew Who's getting caught up?

27:26 Adam He's caught up and pushed back. His dream got delayed because he got no skiing accident, motorcycle accident, something happened, tragedy. He'll be back on track in another 10 months. There's that guy. The rest of you, you're just crappy students. And now you're like taffy, you're stretching this dream out so you can live at home for another five years. And then you got your extreme cases. You got my buddy John who's now 40 and still going over to LA Junior College. You got people like my mom who was going there until she was in her 50s. This becomes a way for society not to bother you. Now, here's the thing. If you're a 40-year-old guy and you've chosen not to work, society comes down on you. Like, hey, what are you doing? Chilling, hanging out. Hey, buddy, what's up? What are you, a loser? Why don't you get your ass together? But you can go to college. I'm going to college. Going to college. Oh, okay, that's great. Yeah, I'm doing some studying. I think so. You're trying to further your education. That's fantastic. It's a way to get society off your back. I'm saying society should, unless, unless you meet the criteria. Wacky nationality, nursing student. Now, if you show me a combination, you show me a Nigerian guy who's a star in the track team and trying to get his nursing certificate and transfer to UCLA on a track scholarship. Now, that kid's cool. And his dad died in the Civil War, Nigerian Civil War, just a few years. He's in.

28:55 Drew That's as cool.

28:56 Adam He's golden. He's golden. All right. Stephanie?

29:01 Uh huh.

29:01 Adam You're 23?

29:03 Caller Do what?

29:04 Adam You're 23?

29:05 Caller Yes.

29:06 Adam What's up?

29:08 Caller So, I've been on birth control for 12 years. And I'm just wondering, this last year I've had more problems with it than anything else. And I'm wondering if it's becoming ineffective or...

29:20 Drew What do you mean is a problem?

29:22 Caller Well, like I would say the last year, I've had problems like just bleeding like nonstop. I've passed three weeks has been the worst. I have a different partner and I've been tested for everything and I've been on like the same pill, like I said, for 12 years. And I'm just wondering if that's wearing off, if I should try something else.

29:42 Drew No, the bleeding has nothing to do with its effectiveness.

29:44 Adam Nope.

29:45 Drew Nothing.

29:46 Adam Same pill since you were 11?

29:48 Yeah.

29:48 Drew Why'd you go on when you were 11?

29:50 Step in.

29:51 Caller I was having problems. I'd bleed for like six months at a time.

29:54 Drew Okay, so you've got irregular periods. You already have that kind of thing. So you're prone to this. So it's not about the pill, it's about you.

30:01 Caller Well, then I'm worried because I've been on it and they changed it from ortho-cycline to ortho-tricycline. And then just recently...

30:07 Drew Wait a minute, you haven't been on the same pill. It's a completely different pill.

30:11 Caller Well, I mean, it switched probably when I was in college, which is about four or five years ago.

30:15 Drew That's a completely...

30:15 And so I've been on ortho-tricycline. And it hasn't changed anything yet until now.

30:20 Adam You've been on the same pill the whole time except for half the time.

30:23 Drew You've been on a different pill.

30:24 Adam Or two thirds the time you're on another pill.

30:27 Caller I just figured they were kind of similar. Well, now my doctor's trying to put me back on ortho-cycline again.

30:32 Drew Right.

30:32 And I'm wondering, well, why would I mean, I thought that you'll stop bleeding when you'll still stop bleeding.

30:37 Drew But Stephanie, oh boy, junior college.

30:41 Adam Oh, Drew, come on. You know, I don't I don't go there. Stephanie, huh? Junior college.

30:47 Caller No, I went to a university and got a bachelor's degree.

30:50 Drew And wow. In junior college.

30:52 Adam You got to get your money back. Where'd you go in Arizona?

30:56 Caller No, I went to New Mexico State. It's in Las Cruces, Mexico.

31:03 Adam Wow. What'd you get your degree in?

31:05 Caller Hotel, restaurant, tourism, management.

31:07 Adam Oh, are those the the Lobos or something?

31:11 Caller They're the Aggies.

31:13 Adam Aggies. Who are the Lobos?

31:15 Caller Lobos are Albuquerque, UNM.

31:18 Adam Oh, I see.

31:21 Drew Look, the single, the monophasic pill, the orthocyclin will probably stabilize things. Yes, you need to get on a different dose of estrogen progesterone. You need to try some different things. The bleeding can have different meanings. Hopefully, they're evaluating you for other things like thyroid conditions and whatnot. To be sure, it's not something else going on, but it's usually just a matter of finding a different dose pill. If you were stable before on the single dose, the monophasic, then you go back to that. That's it, period. Intricycle bleeding, mid-cycle bleeding is part of being on the pill.

31:54 Adam Hey, can we call it something other than bleeding? You know, we got to figure a period up and bleed. Let's get that. Like, for instance, I like spotting.

32:05 Drew Yeah, mid-cycle spotting.

32:07 Adam Mid-cycle spotting, I'm cool with that. I'm trying to think of some sort of euphemistic yet appropriate term for bleeding. It does, it always, it gives me a little...

32:19 Drew Waking?

32:21 Adam I get kittens in my stomach when I hear about the bleeding. I just, I'm feeling like inflow is tough, too. Everything, everything's just, all the euphemistic stuff always bothers me.

32:33 Drew Sloughing?

32:34 Adam Sloughing.

32:35 Drew Mid-cycle sloughing, sluffage?

32:36 Adam Because is that really what, that's really what's going on, right?

32:39 Drew Yeah, the uterine lining is sloughing.

32:40 Adam All right, all right, let's go with sloughing.

32:44 Drew Kneel.

32:45 Adam Kneel.

32:46 Yeah.

32:47 Adam You're 25?

32:48 Caller Yes, sir.

32:49 Adam What's up?

32:51 Caller Well, me and my girl, we've been together for about six years, and for the past like five years, we've been trying to have a kid without any success.

33:01 Drew You've been dating how long?

33:03 Caller We've been dating for six years.

33:05 Drew Five years. And she's how old now?

33:07 Caller I'm 25.

33:08 Drew She's how old now?

33:10 Caller I'm 25.

33:13 Adam Let me try. He's how old now?

33:16 Caller I'm 25 years old.

33:18 Adam Oh, that didn't work.

33:19 Caller I'm on a cell phone.

33:21 Adam Okay. Your girlfriend is how old?

33:24 Caller Oh, she's 30.

33:25 Adam Okay.

33:26 Drew Okay, so she's having fertility problems as women frequently do when they get into their 30s.

33:32 Caller She's had children before.

33:34 Drew Right, and now she's getting older, and now she's starting to have fertility problems as women frequently do as they get into their 30s.

33:40 Adam But is a, well, in her 30s, she's 30. She's had three kids.

33:46 Caller Yeah.

33:47 Adam Yeah, fertility problems.

33:48 Drew Aging, yeah.

33:49 Adam That does it.

33:50 Drew Aging, yeah.

33:50 Adam Even 30.

33:51 Drew At 40, it's over pretty much.

33:53 Adam I know, but that's-

33:54 Drew For some women, for some women, 30, they drop off, 35, they drop off a lot.

33:58 Caller We've been trying to have kids since she was 26.

34:00 Adam Well, that's a good point too. She's been going at it for a while.

34:04 Drew Have you been tested to make sure you're okay?

34:07 Caller That's what I was asking. How do I go about that?

34:10 Drew You talk to her gynecologist about it.

34:12 Adam Really, about him?

34:13 Drew Yeah.

34:14 Adam That's not gay?

34:15 Drew They may send you to a fertility doctor, but...

34:17 Adam Yeah. It could be you, Neil.

34:20 Caller That's what I'm thinking because when I was younger, I had a real bad infection on my foot and I was given anabolic steroids to rebuild the tissue that I had lost.

34:31 Adam No. That's probably not it. But anyway, you guys have been going... How old are her kids, by the way?

34:38 Caller She has eight, five, and a six-year-old.

34:46 Drew And does he need to have another kid?

34:48 Adam Well, I think and I can kind of understand this, even though I, as a radio show host, I would like to get up on my high horse here, but he doesn't feel like those are quite his kids.

35:01 Drew Well, get over it. He signed on for this.

35:04 Adam Well, I mean, Neil, that is a good question, which is three kids, especially eight, five, and six, that seems like a handful.

35:13 Caller Well, she doesn't have them. Her ex-husband has them.

35:17 Adam Oh. Where does he live?

35:23 Caller He lives in Anaheim.

35:25 Adam Uh-huh.

35:26 Drew That's where she lives.

35:27 Adam Does she see the kids a lot?

35:29 Caller Oh, yeah.

35:30 Drew What's the matter with her that she lost custody?

35:32 Caller Neither. We go down and see the kids together and stuff. She goes see them.

35:36 Drew What's the matter with her that she lost custody?

35:39 Caller Uh, she just wasn't in a stable home at the time, and she wasn't making enough money to support the kids.

35:46 Drew She was the home. What's the matter with her that she lost custody of her kids?

35:50 Caller Uh, she just didn't, at the time, her and her husband weren't getting along, I think.

35:56 Drew Hey, Neil, what are you talking about? The husband would be supporting the kids. They stay with the mom. Why did she lose custody? There must have been some very, very egregious problem that she had.

36:06 Adam Was she doing drugs?

36:08 Caller No, no. She doesn't do any drugs. I mean, the only thing she doesn't smoke.

36:13 Adam All right. Did the husband remarry?

36:17 Caller Uh, yes, he did.

36:19 Adam I mean, there is occasion where the dad remarries, makes a good living, and says, look, I just want to start the thing. And it's sort of mom's like, all right, you got a better situation.

36:29 Drew But that's after a while. It's not right at the beginning.

36:31 Adam Has he had the kids since the divorce?

36:35 Caller No, no. For the first, they have like joint custody.

36:40 Adam Okay. All right. It's making more sense now.

36:45 Caller All right.

36:46 Adam Go to the fertility specialist. And Drew, you went to one, yes?

36:52 Drew Absolutely.

36:53 Adam I actually went to one too.

36:54 Drew No way.

36:55 Adam For a man show bit.

36:56 Drew Oh yeah.

36:57 Adam Beat off right into a cup.

36:58 Drew Did you have the little room they sent you to? And you had to cross to the lab techs?

37:04 Adam We timed it.

37:05 Drew That's right. You and Jimmy were racing.

37:07 Yeah.

37:08 Adam One other thing that's bizarre. I'll tell you, I can give myself credit here. First off, it was a race to see who could produce a sample, the fastest, me or Jimmy. Yeah. I won.

37:21 Caller Nice.

37:23 Adam I beat Jimmy. Now, here's the interesting thing. It was a race and I'm a competitive guy.

37:28 Caller Yeah.

37:29 Adam You know, like a good deodorant commercial, I give 110 percent to just about everything I do, even if it's beating off competitively. I beat Jimmy, pardon the pun, in the race. But here's the deal. I came bursting out of the room. I had my pants around my ankles. Jimmy had put himself back together and burst out of the room about five seconds later. So if you sort of factor in the time it took him to pull his pants up and re-buckle his belt, probably came within about a second, second and a half, so to speak, of each other. And that time, two minutes, 18 seconds.

38:12 Drew Who?

38:13 Adam From the time it went running into the room.

38:16 Drew That's crazy.

38:17 Adam That's miked up with a female director standing out in the hall with a camera crew. Talk about concentration.

38:26 Drew Ninja.

38:27 Adam Well, I'm a pro.

38:28 Drew Ninja.

38:28 Adam I'm a pro. All right, let's take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this.

38:43 Drew This portion of Loveline is sponsored in part by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. Safety Belt Enforcement is not about tickets, it's about saving lives. So remember, click it or ticket.

39:05 Adam Hey everybody, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. I'm tired from talking during the break. Let's take this segment off, Drew.

39:20 Drew I think I would love to do a show, just Loveline Breaks. Some of the best stuff goes on there.

39:26 Adam Adam goes on.

39:29 Drew A lot more of the F word than people think comes out of your mouth. Noticing that.

39:34 Adam That's why you should be commended for not actually using it on the air.

39:37 Drew Yep, you're right.

39:38 Adam And here's the thing, everyone says, oh, well, I'm used to using it. Like our listeners would work it in, if they're, you know, they could be speaking to the queen and they would use the F word because like, oh, hey, hey, pardon me, you're a effing pontiff, but that's the way I speak. I couldn't help. Yeah, you can help. You just, you have to listen.

39:58 Drew You gotta pay attention.

39:58 Adam Yeah, pay attention. Carly?

40:02 Hello?

40:03 Adam You're 20?

40:04 Caller Yeah. Oh my gosh.

40:06 Caller I love you so much.

40:07 Caller I can't even believe I'm wrong. I've been listening to you since I was like 14.

40:10 Drew Oh boy. And what's happening?

40:16 Caller Well, I've never been in a real relationship before. I've only ever had casual sex and like just random like hookups and it's getting like really old.

40:28 Drew Why do you think you've not had a relationship? What's the problem?

40:31 Caller What?

40:32 Drew Why do you think that's the case? Why haven't you been able to have a relationship? If you've wanted one, why can't you have one?

40:39 Caller I don't know. I think I have like walls and I like.

40:44 Drew Where do those come from?

40:49 Caller I don't know.

40:50 Adam What do you mean walls?

40:52 Caller Like kind of like, I'm kind of like sequester myself off from like a relationship. I think maybe because I'm afraid of getting hurt.

41:02 Drew And where did that, where have you been hurt by that?

41:04 Adam No, let's just get to it. Your dad split or was horrible or what happened?

41:09 Caller No, my parents are together.

41:11 Adam Is your dad good? Do you like him?

41:13 Caller Yeah. Yeah. I love my dad. I mean, he's Irish and he's really stubborn, but he's like a good dad.

41:22 Adam Is he an alcoholic?

41:25 No.

41:26 Adam No. Okay. All right. So I don't know. What do you mean you love him very much, but he's Irish and he's stubborn. What does that mean?

41:34 Caller Well, we're complete absolute opposite.

41:38 Drew I love the way people just cover, cover, cover this one. I know.

41:41 Caller What am I covering?

41:42 Adam It's like everything's a first date and we're trying to get a blowjob here. Hi, baby.

41:48 Caller Oh, no, no.

41:49 Adam Junior college, what? Oh, Hispanic studies. That's very interesting. Very interesting. Very interesting. Can I have my BJ now? We got to talk. Okay, we'll keep talking. Oh, your cat, your cat talks to you? Or he thinks he's a dog? Oh, he thinks he's a person. Interesting. He thinks he's a... How do you know he's... Okay, because he does. He knows what you're thinking. Fantastic. Okay, can I have my BJ now? There's more. There's more. You want to talk about cheerleading camp from nine years ago. That's great. Oh, Tammy was a bitch, was she? Jealous. I understand.

42:23 Caller I'm sorry.

42:24 Caller What are you trying to get out of here?

42:26 Caller You think my dad's a good bad guy?

42:28 Drew Well, not as a bad person, but was he abusive or rageful or something? What do you mean he's stubborn? What does that mean? You were different. What would happen?

42:36 Caller There's like so many things that happen.

42:38 I don't know.

42:38 Caller We get fights all the time.

42:40 Drew Did he ever hit you?

42:41 Oh, never.

42:42 Drew He never hit you, but you'd have these sort of verbal fights?

42:45 Yeah.

42:46 Drew Did he ever kick you out of the house or anything?

42:48 A couple of times.

42:50 Drew He kicked you out of the house.

42:51 Adam Okay.

42:52 Drew So dad's an a-hole.

42:53 Adam Well, probably.

42:54 Drew Sorry, but he is.

42:55 Adam Maybe Carolla is too, but look, you guys had a tumultuous relationship, you and your father.

43:03 Caller Yeah, but we still get along.

43:05 Adam Okay, you get along. All right. I'm putting her on hold because I'm tired of her disagreeing. She had a charged relationship with her father.

43:15 Drew Abusive.

43:15 Adam Well, I don't know if it's abusive.

43:17 Drew Oh, yes.

43:17 Adam Listen, I've known her for two minutes. I want to abuse her. She's angry.

43:21 Drew And you know what that means.

43:23 Adam That means she's wrong.

43:24 Drew No, it means she's an abuse victim. They evoke that in you like crazy.

43:28 Adam That's true. I can always tell when I want to smack somebody. Someone was smacking them before me.

43:32 Drew That's exactly right.

43:33 Adam It's like they warmed them up for me.

43:35 Drew They are that victim.

43:36 Adam They set the table.

43:38 Drew They set the table and you just knocked everything over.

43:40 Adam All right. So Carly is in a lot of denial. She's sort of angry about it. And I think she's angry that anyone who goes scratching around or poking around.

43:48 Drew Right. Men make her look at these things. He's probably a great guy. Yes, you love your dad. I get that. But there has been some very serious dysfunction in your relationship with him. As such, it's been painful and the possibility of future intimacy or any intimacy means pain. So you avoid it. All right. Natural enough. Good. If you want to have that in your life, you're going to have to do a little work.

44:08 Adam Yeah.

44:08 Drew That's it.

44:08 Adam All right.

44:09 Drew I bet that was alcohol. I bet that money.

44:12 Adam Irish guy. Come on.

44:13 Drew Rageful Irish guy.

44:15 Adam The next thing you know, you're going to tell me American Indian string. Jesse?

44:21 Caller Yeah.

44:21 Adam You're 23? Yeah. What's up?

44:24 Caller Well, my psychiatrist is prescribing medication to my father. It's called Ambien. He takes way too much of it.

44:31 Adam To your father?

44:32 Caller Huh?

44:33 Adam He's prescribing Ambien to your father?

44:36 Caller Yeah.

44:37 Adam All right.

44:37 Caller All right. He takes way too much of it.

44:39 Adam How do you know how much he takes?

44:41 Caller Well, I've watched him around the house. My mom counts his pills.

44:45 Adam And how many is he taking?

44:47 Caller He takes three to four milligrams a day. Ooh.

44:50 Drew Three to four pills a day, you mean?

44:51 Caller Yeah. Ooh.

44:53 Adam That's a buzz.

44:54 Caller 40 milligrams.

44:55 Adam You forget.

44:55 Drew You've done that.

44:57 Caller Okay. And well, I've asked her to stop and she refuses. And I just want to know, I mean, do you think that she has an obligation to?

45:07 Adam The psychiatrist is a woman?

45:09 Caller Yeah. Okay.

45:11 Drew Is your dad addicted or alcoholic in other ways?

45:13 Caller Oh, yeah. Yeah, he is.

45:14 Drew All right. Well, this psychiatrist does not understand how to manage an alcoholic addict. Now, there may be other priorities in his psychiatric care that she's trying to attend to first. There are situations where it can be important, life-saving, stabilizing to give people medications that might adversely impact their addictive disease if their psychiatric illness is such that they're in harm's way. Now, Ambien is not a medicine that typically sort of you would use for important reasons. And the fact that he's getting addicted to it, which is very common, it doesn't really matter. He's just addicted. You guys are probably gonna have to do an intervention and get him into some sort of inpatient treatment where he can be detoxified, because Ambien withdrawal is rather awful.

45:52 Adam Oh yeah?

45:52 Caller It is, he goes through it about every two weeks.

45:55 Drew Yeah, well.

45:55 Adam Well, love of it. I don't understand something. She gives him enough of this stuff to give him three or four pills a day? Doesn't she aware of that?

46:03 Caller She doesn't do that. He takes way too much of it.

46:06 Drew Yeah, but how does she, why does she keep refilling it?

46:09 Caller I don't know, you have to ask.

46:10 Drew You know what you got to do, Jesse? Contact the pharmacy where he's getting these things.

46:14 Caller Yeah.

46:14 Drew Because they tend to have a little more ability to track these things and they let them, and then they know something like this is going on and they continue to fill it, they have a problem. So that might help out of it. But really get him into treatment. The bottom line is he needs to be in addiction treatment and that's that.

46:28 Adam I'll tell you that, that Ambien is yummy.

46:31 Drew I love that stuff. That's where you started talking about my scoring on your behalf. It was in relation to that drug.

46:37 Adam Yeah, I missed that Ambien.

46:39 Drew Sorry buddy, I had to cut you off.

46:41 Adam I had to score some more. Oh, don't worry.

46:43 Drew You found another source.

46:44 Adam I know Dr. Marcel. He's like Elvis' doctor. Whatever it takes. You know what I'm saying? Whatever.

46:52 Drew I'll be there to...

46:53 Adam Colonel calls him up.

46:54 Drew I got a bed waiting for you.

46:55 Adam Now you know what? I love that Ambien and if you give me that Ambien, I'll eat it. But here's the thing, and then I'm out of it and then I'm out of it.

47:02 Drew For how long?

47:04 Adam A couple of hours. Then I get to shakes. I'll get some more. Now I get out of it and don't think about it. Months.

47:10 Drew Oh, I see. But I mean, does it knock you out for a day or two after? I mean, does it affect your memory or any word finding?

47:18 Adam I'm not as sharp as I normally would be, but I'm so much sharper than everyone else all the time that it really brings me down to normal.

47:25 Drew That's good.

47:26 Caller We don't want to be normal.

47:27 Adam And modest as well. No, I'm just saying it makes you a little goofy the next day.

47:33 Drew I'm still back with the raping crimes and other crimes, all being the same.

47:39 Adam I got to tell you, Drew, just to be honest, is a guy who's never really felt like he's got a full night's sleep in his life and who likes to have a couple of pops where he goes to bed at night and maybe a sleeping pill or something like that. I walk around all day, every day, with a sort of quasi soupy head. You know what I mean? Just I can feel my head, wear my forehead.

48:03 Drew That's the sleeping.

48:05 Adam Not thinking too clearly, not too sharp, but still can still can rally. You know what I mean?

48:12 Drew Yeah, I've seen it.

48:12 Adam Yeah, I'm like a good athlete who doesn't train too hard, and still can get by. And I mean, I'm just interested in getting by. I don't want to be that guy.

48:21 Drew I understand that. I've seen that. Thank you.

48:23 Adam All right, take a quick break. We'll be right back.

48:42 Caller 877-889-DATE.

48:45 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

48:47 We'll be right back.

49:10 Adam Hey, everybody, the love line of Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Still plenty of show to go. We got a Germany or Florida coming up. We have Aces, Ranchero, Mexican, According, Countdown coming up.

49:23 Caller Lots of show.

49:24 Adam We have to explain Hobo Power. Wow. Wow.

49:29 Drew Inspiring.

49:30 Adam Strong stuff. Makes you want to work. You want to hear the explanation for Hobo Power. We haven't discussed this in quite some time, which is, many years ago, we decided that there should be a unit of measurement for stink. Because there is a unit for measurement for almost everything. Or I should just say everything. They have different measurements for when you're in the ocean and when you're on land and when you're in the sky.

49:58 Drew Pressure and direction.

50:01 Adam There's PSI. There's every, there's British thermal units, BTUs for heat. There's every kind of measurement. But there's no measurement for funk. There's no measurement for stink. And people go, oh man, this guy farted, it was rank. But what does that mean?

50:19 Drew Give me a quantitative number. Tell me, give me a scale.

50:23 Adam That way you know that when you open the old Chinese food that got left out in the fridge or that fish that got left in a cooler for a whole summer that you didn't know and you opened it up and it was all full of maggots. You know that it wasn't just funky. There's a number you can put to it. The same way you know that if a guy got electrocuted, there's a difference between 110 volts and 220 volts. You hear 110, you go, oh, that's smart. You hear 220, you go, oh my God. That's how we gotta do it with hobo power. Hobo power is a measurement, a unit of stink.

50:56 Drew So when you say 85 hobo power, you're like, oh my God. How did you survive?

50:59 Adam There is no.

51:00 Drew 85, 85 is okay. Hundreds, hundreds are the one that's more theoretic.

51:04 Adam That's theoretic. Okay, so here's how it goes.

51:06 Drew 85 is approaching death.

51:07 Adam All right, let's see if we can break this down. What is just a garden variety fart that's got a little stink to it, but not too bad?

51:15 Drew 10 hobo. A good robust.

51:18 Adam Good robust fart.

51:19 Drew Yeah, a little of the bouquet, 8 to 10.

51:21 Adam 8 to 10 hobo. Okay. What is something rotting, like summer time?

51:27 Drew It could get up towards 40.

51:29 Adam Fish, something flesh, rotting flesh.

51:30 Drew Because it could make you wretch. It could make you wretch. Yeah, 50 is vomiting.

51:34 Adam 50 is vomiting.

51:35 Drew Yeah.

51:36 Adam 100 is hypothetical.

51:38 Drew I don't know what you're talking about. 100 doesn't exist. It's like absolute zero.

51:42 Adam Yeah.

51:42 Drew 100 hobo is just a theoretical. Right.

51:44 Adam No one's ever been there.

51:45 Drew It's like infinity.

51:45 Adam No one's been there and lived to talk about it.

51:48 Drew Well, I think above 85 and they may not make it through.

51:50 Adam All right. So you would say, so what would you've done a gynecological exams on a homeless women in their 50s?

51:58 Drew 70.

51:59 Adam Oh, really? I haven't taken a shower in a number of months.

52:02 Drew Oh, yeah.

52:04 Adam Really? 70.

52:06 Drew It can physically knock you out of the room.

52:09 Adam Really?

52:09 Drew That's about a 65, 70.

52:11 Adam Really?

52:12 Drew And make you vomit.

52:14 Adam Then there's a psychological component to it. Because here's what I'm saying.

52:19 Drew You have fear. Fear starts coming in above 60.

52:22 Adam Here's what I'm saying. If you were sitting in a restaurant and somebody took the vagina of the homeless woman who hadn't showered many years that you examined.

52:34 Drew Who left the tampon in for six months? Oh, yes.

52:39 Adam And was waving it around your head.

52:43 Drew The tampon or the vagina?

52:44 Adam The vagina with the tampon. While you're at the restaurant, you might say, please listen, you might say, someone's getting an anchovy pizza or something like that.

52:55 Drew By the same token, it might make you retch more easily because you're sort of around food and eating and the smells kind of make you react more violently.

53:03 Adam There has been times when I've mistook ass for something else.

53:08 Drew For what? Anchovy pizza.

53:10 Adam No, just smells like, you know, certain things like at first whiff will smell like something.

53:14 Drew If you remember that pizza spill that you were cooking into the microwave last week, right, that could have easily been mistaken for ass. So it goes the other way, too.

53:24 Adam Okay, touche. So the point is, is hobo power is a unit of stink.

53:30 Drew But we can talk sensibly about it by giving it a numerical value.

53:34 Adam Right. 50 is vomiting.

53:36 Drew That pizza was about 42 hobo power.

53:38 Adam You get to, well, I wouldn't put it that high. Okay. In the 30s. At 50, you're vomiting.

53:44 Drew You're vomiting.

53:45 Adam Okay. All right. And 100, you're dead.

53:48 Drew The world comes, it is a black hole.

53:49 Adam It implodes. It implodes.

53:50 Drew Okay.

53:51 Adam All right. And at 110, engineer Chris had graduates from junior college. So it's actually a little bit further than world of blood.

54:01 Drew Nice.

54:01 Caller All right.

54:03 Adam Here we go. Now it's all gone. It's all gone according to plan. If your plan was never to graduate.

54:08 Drew And so, you know, it's not a descriptive term. So the 40 stock worth, the 40 stock of asparagus worth of acidic urine was a good 30 hobo, I'd say. But it was not the same kind of food of the fish or the butt. Yeah.

54:26 Adam Here's the thing too. You guys can't abuse the hobo power because if you just start labeling every fart a 50, then it loses all reason.

54:36 Drew No, it has to reflect reality.

54:38 Adam Thank you. All right.

54:40 Drew You have to vomit.

54:41 Adam You have to vomit.

54:42 Drew All right.

54:42 Adam Where are we going? Talking to Claire. We're going to Germany or Florida.

54:45 Drew All right. Go ahead.

54:45 Adam Germany or Florida. Here we go. Max.

54:48 Hey, how's it going, guys?

54:49 Adam Time to play a little something we call Germany or Florida.

54:52 Caller All right.

54:53 Okay. Here's the story. A man was killing an unwanted litter of puppies with a handgun. When he placed the handgun down on the bench, The puppy shot him.

55:04 Drew We heard about this one.

55:05 The puppy stepped on it and shot him in the wrist.

55:07 Drew Yeah. I remember this.

55:08 Adam This was Germany, wasn't it? I think it was Germany. It was or maybe it wasn't. I think it was.

55:14 Drew We heard it twice, I think, even.

55:16 Adam They did this one on the Killborn Show or whatever the hell they're calling it.

55:20 Drew You did?

55:21 Adam I did it Germany or Florida on the Late Late Show.

55:23 Drew This was the one.

55:24 Adam This is one of them. Yeah. So we had this one. Now, here's the beauty of us.

55:28 Drew Can't remember.

55:29 Adam I did the show. I can't remember what it was. You know why? Because I think the audience picked it.

55:34 Drew And but we'd done it on the show the night before this show. And I might, my gestalt, my sense is Germany. That's why I'm vague.

55:41 Adam The handgun part feels Florida. The killing puppies part feels Germany. I think we're going Germany.

55:48 Adam struck down the perfect record. It's Florida.

55:52 Adam Oh, all all made even more insulting by the fact that I did this on national television three or four weeks ago.

55:59 Caller The fact that it was such a prevalent story here would make you think US.

56:03 Adam That's a good point. Although it I know it seems prevalent. And I only heard it because some P.A.s pulled it up over it. I keep calling it Kilbourne, the late late show.

56:13 It was all over the news here, too.

56:14 Adam But you know what?

56:15 Caller You got it right last time. It just cancels out. You got you.

56:17 Adam All right. A broken even. Thank you. Thank you, Anderson.

56:22 Drew Oh, Claire, the guy who did the Germany or Florida theme song is on there. Hey.

56:29 Adam Hey, you're 27. You did the theme song for us.

56:32 Caller I did indeed. I was actually disappointed that y'all didn't just play. You played it the last few nights and given us so many compliments. I've been feeling a warm.

56:38 Drew Why just say it?

56:39 Adam I enjoy it. I don't think it's amongst Anderson's favorites. You don't push Anderson.

56:45 Caller I think when you said deceptively good, that was my favorite description of what it was.

56:50 Adam Well, here's why I call your Germany or Florida theme deceptively good. Because it's not good, but yet you like it. So it's hard to argue with that. And when it comes to a song, you see, OK, here's what I'm saying.

57:04 Drew It's like we're talking about. No, no, no.

57:06 Adam I got to talk to you, Drew. You know, you can't say that about aircraft. You know what I mean? Like, oh, I really enjoy this aircraft, although it's not a good aircraft. That doesn't make sense. You can do it with stuff like you can do it. Well, you know, you can do it. You can do it with like hostess cupcakes and Twinkies and McDonald's.

57:23 Drew You can do it with like fast food and some aesthetic thing.

57:26 Adam Yeah, you go like, I know that McDonald's is not a good burger. I just like it.

57:29 Drew Yeah, for what it is, has the aesthetic value.

57:31 Adam Yeah, this is not a good song and not a good theme song, but it gets under your skin and there's something catchy about it, which arguably is better than it being good. Good doesn't necessarily catch on.

57:41 Drew And I was looking forward to a live rendition.

57:43 Adam OK, Theo, what do you think?

57:45 Caller What do you think, buddy?

57:46 Adam OK.

57:47 Caller Things are sick and twisted from too much sun and Nazis, sex, meth, and death fetishes, both of them have got these, guaranteed not to bore you, Germany or Florida.

57:57 Adam Yeah, buddy.

57:58 Drew Here's what I like about Theo's rendition. By the time he gets to that last refrain, he's cracking his own ass up.

58:02 Adam Yeah.

58:03 Drew You can feel the smile.

58:04 Adam And he jumps right into it. There's none of that, well, it's pretty late over here in Virginia. I wasn't prepared. I didn't call. Now, pow.

58:12 Caller I have formal radio training, so I'm prepared for you.

58:16 Adam You're a true pro. And Theo, what is it you said you did? I don't remember.

58:20 Caller Well, I'm an amateur stand up and I do writing. And now, since I've talked to you all last, I actually got a job in morning radio. I'm kind of a danger boy type guy.

58:28 Adam Really? You go out on the streets and do stunts?

58:31 Caller I go out and do all the dumb stunts I can get myself into.

58:34 Adam Yeah. I remember you can get, you know, let me say, hey, Theo? Yeah. Thanks, buddy.

58:41 Drew God bless you.

58:42 Adam Thanks for contributing to the show.

58:43 Caller Well, hey, I have a new song for Ace's According to the Stone.

58:46 Adam You do?

58:47 Drew Oh, my God.

58:48 Adam Wow. And you're going to sing it a cappella again?

58:50 Drew We got to play it as soon as he finishes the song, though.

58:53 Can I give him some music for backup?

58:54 Adam Do we have? We don't know what kind of song it is yet.

58:57 Caller I could do the song and then y'all could just add some music to it.

59:00 Drew OK. All right.

59:01 Caller Appropriate.

59:01 Caller That means work for me.

59:03 Adam OK. I mean, Anderson may have to move his finger.

59:06 Caller Hey, just to let you know, Theo, I don't dislike your song.

59:08 Drew It's it's just hard to work it in because it's it's kind of longer.

59:11 Caller That's all.

59:12 Drew All right.

59:12 Caller But as that last one, it's nice and smooth.

59:14 Caller So I think I'll use it more.

59:15 Adam But let's hear what you got.

59:17 Caller I was humming it the other day.

59:18 Adam A new Germany or Florida theme. Well, I was humming the Pete Ellis Dodge theme. It doesn't mean I like it.

59:24 Drew This is a German Florida theme. It's an Ace's Ranchero theme.

59:26 Adam Oh, it is?

59:27 Caller Yeah, Ace's Accordion Countdown.

59:29 Adam Oh, all right.

59:30 Caller Yeah, I would say I want to cover all the games on the show.

59:33 Adam Here we go. Well, let's hear it.

59:34 Drew What are the ones we have?

59:35 Caller Fourteen nine immediately to what you what you what you what you what you're going to do. Mexican musicians breaking it down. Ace's Accordion Countdown.

59:51 Adam All right, all right. You know, I think the bar was set so high with the Germany or Florida that it was tough to get.

59:59 Drew This one comes around, though.

1:00:01 Caller It's got potential.

1:00:02 Drew Yeah, it's got potential.

1:00:04 Adam It starts, you start off with a, huh? And then by the end it's like, huh, okay.

1:00:08 Caller A little Beastie Boys-esque.

1:00:10 Caller I didn't record it, though. That's the problem.

1:00:12 Adam All right, well, Theo, you know what that means.

1:00:14 Caller I got to do it again.

1:00:15 Adam Yeah, I have to do it again. Are you ready, Anderson?

1:00:18 Caller Yeah, we're rolling.

1:00:19 Adam All right, here we go.

1:00:21 Caller 14-9, immediately, too. Whatcha, whatcha, whatcha, whatcha, whatcha gonna do? Mexican musicians breaking it down on each of the accordion. Countdown.

1:00:32 Adam All right, Theo, I'll tell you what, that's gonna work as a placeholder until we find a decent song. No, that's awesome, buddy. I wish we had something. I wish we had...

1:00:41 Drew Did you have to offer him in return?

1:00:42 Adam I wish we had windbreakers or just paperweights or anything on this program that we could actually send out after 20 years.

1:00:49 Caller Here's what you can do. If you end up making the cartoon with the Chief Thunder Bear, then I can write the theme song for that.

1:00:55 Adam Alright, buddy. Alright, and whenever you're gonna be out in LA next year, you come by and see us.

1:01:01 Caller If I took you seriously on that, you'd see me soon.

1:01:04 Adam Well, come on out. We'll treat you like a king.

1:01:06 Caller Alright, consider it done.

1:01:08 Adam Alright, Dio. We gotta move out to Virginia.

1:01:12 Drew Treat him like a king. You'll let him sit in this booth here for two hours.

1:01:15 Adam You can watch me get coffee in my sweatpants.

1:01:17 Drew Right. My slippers.

1:01:19 Adam My slippers. And argue with Drew going down the hall, complaining about something that probably we're just talking about on the air. Alright, where are we, Drew?

1:01:26 Drew Here we go.

1:01:26 Adam What's going on?

1:01:27 Drew You wanna do, you wanna do, we have to play Ace of the Ranchero now.

1:01:29 Adam Well, it does seem like it's begging for it after that they built it.

1:01:32 Drew Nancy had something to add to the game with.

1:01:34 Adam Alright. Nancy?

1:01:36 Caller Yes?

1:01:36 Adam What's up?

1:01:37 Caller Oh, I found this great band that you guys might like and use for your Ace of the Chordian Countdowns.

1:01:42 Adam Oh, really?

1:01:43 Caller Yeah, they're called El Gran Silencio, and they're not really completely ranchero music, but they add elements of like sky and rock and-

1:01:51 Drew Wow, they're called what? What are they called?

1:01:53 Caller El Gran Silencio.

1:01:54 Adam It's a big silence?

1:01:56 Caller No, El, yeah, the great silence, El Gran Silencio.

1:01:59 Adam No, Grand, oh, Grand's not big, it's great.

1:02:02 Caller Yeah, they're really, really good. You guys should check them out.

1:02:05 Adam Oh, okay.

1:02:06 Caller And they have a Chordian, they have the trumpets and everything, but they add like everything to it.

1:02:10 Adam Okay.

1:02:10 Drew Chris, get on that, find out. Thank you, Nancy.

1:02:12 Adam Thank you, Nancy. That's not gonna work, though. We need super traditional ranchero music.

1:02:16 Drew Well, maybe this will be interesting.

1:02:18 Adam Grand, Drew, stop eating nuts. All right. Chris, do you have any ranchero music?

1:02:26 Drew Or Anderson, he's got it, right?

1:02:28 Adam Well, Anderson gets it off a different source, and sometimes it's not always ready, and it sounds crappier. That sounds better.

1:02:35 Drew Better music. I really am transported.

1:02:37 Adam You're clinging to that. It's the same crappy music whether Anderson plays it or Chris plays it.

1:02:42 Caller Yesterday you liked Anderson's music, so.

1:02:44 Drew Yeah.

1:02:45 Adam That's stupid Drew.

1:02:47 Caller Oh, come on.

1:02:48 Drew How can you argue with that?

1:02:50 Adam I'm gonna argue with it when Chris fuses crap up. We should actually have dueling ranchero music. You really want to kill yourself. Let's try playing them. Can we play them simultaneously? That would be a fate worse than death.

1:03:03 Caller I bet it would sound normal.

1:03:05 Adam Really? It might just come around.

1:03:06 Caller Well, they all sound like the exact same song.

1:03:08 Adam So how dare you make fun of ranchero music, Anderson?

1:03:11 Drew I am offended.

1:03:13 Adam Yeah. Let me explain something. You know when bands that are cover bands say, oh no, we're not a cover band, we're a tribute band. That's what this is. This is not to make fun. Yeah, this is not to make fun. We're not trying to make fun of ranchero music. This is tribute to ranchero music.

1:03:30 Caller Tribute to the stuff that comes out of like horses' asses?

1:03:33 Drew No, Anderson.

1:03:33 Adam Anderson, Anderson, Anderson.

1:03:36 Drew Gentlemen, please. This gotta hurt.

1:03:38 Adam This is a whole brand of music. How would you like it if a guy with a giant guitar and a huge hat and a crazy vest that was too tight for him made fun of your music, your precious-

1:03:50 Drew Or your film making.

1:03:51 Adam Your radio head.

1:03:52 Drew Your film making, too.

1:03:53 Adam Your other radio head. Your other radio head bands.

1:03:54 Caller No.

1:03:55 Adam Yes. Your highfalutin bands.

1:03:57 Caller I was just, exclusively Ranchero music.

1:04:00 Adam I will say that Ranchero music is just as valid as classical jazz or any other form, and it's probably arguably influenced more performers.

1:04:11 Drew Historically more relevant.

1:04:12 Adam Thank you. Now, what do you got there, Chris?

1:04:15 Drew Think of all the construction that's been inspired by that music.

1:04:17 Adam Oh my God. This country was-

1:04:18 Drew This city was built on it. This country was built to the beat of Ranchero music.

1:04:23 Adam Yeah. All right, play a little there, Anderson. And we'll get Chris playing. We'll see how it sounds together because it may cancel it out. Yeah. Now, by the way, this is what it sounds like when I get between the stucco guys who are working on one side of the house and the guys who are doing the cinder block wall on the other side of the house. So it's going to get that sweet spot right in the border where your right ear is hearing the Ranchero music out of the cinder block guys. Your left ear is hearing after the stucco guy.

1:04:52 Drew And what's your reaction?

1:04:53 Adam Well, it doesn't sound worse. I can tell you that, but it may not be a bad sign.

1:04:59 Caller Wow.

1:05:01 Adam All right.

1:05:01 Drew All right. Sound a little better.

1:05:04 Adam It actually sounds a little better.

1:05:06 Caller How dare both of you.

1:05:07 Adam You're right.

1:05:08 Drew You're right, Drew. I'm just saying.

1:05:09 Adam It's an homage.

1:05:10 Drew Just saying. Please.

1:05:11 Caller Claire?

1:05:12 Drew Yeah, but still.

1:05:13 Caller Claire? Hello. Yes?

1:05:15 Adam What's happening?

1:05:17 OK, I have a question for you. I have been married for going on seven years now to a man, and he's like the first real male relationship I've ever had.

1:05:31 Drew What do you mean? What about the explain yourself?

1:05:34 Caller Yeah, real.

1:05:35 Let's see. My very first relationship, if you want to call it a relationship, I was seven years old and it was with a girl for eight years.

1:05:43 Drew Well, that's not a real list. You mean somebody was sexually abusing you when you were seven?

1:05:47 No, I was with the girl. She was eight. I was seven. We were together having foreplay and oral sex together.

1:05:55 Drew Yeah, Claire, that's a child sexually abusing you. Child on child sexual abuse is rather common. And when an adult gets their hands on a child...

1:06:03 Adam How dare you? They were in love.

1:06:04 Drew Yeah, when an adult gets their hands on a child, the child will then do those things to other children. That is a form of sexual abuse that you were being sort of subjected to.

1:06:13 Adam How dare you undermine what they had?

1:06:15 Drew I know, but that's what happens, Claire. Okay, but I was sexually abused for many, many years. You were sexually abused by a peer for many, many years as a child.

1:06:24 Caller Oh, okay. And then my next relationship was also with a girl.

1:06:29 Drew Of course, that's how it goes.

1:06:30 And then she was killed by a drunk driver, or else we would probably still be together to this day.

1:06:34 Drew Wow, oof.

1:06:35 Adam Um, now did the drunk driver just hit him in the car, or did they actually just get out of the car and shoot him?

1:06:43 No, he was driving a semi-truck, and he was doing 85 miles an hour down a 30 mile per hour road. He ran a red light and he bombed her truck, and it killed her instantly. It actually decapitated her, because of how hard he hit her.

1:06:58 Adam Hold on one second. Oh, by the way, you don't have to do the decapitation math. For instance, what, was her head not attached very well?

1:07:07 Caller It just rolled off or?

1:07:08 Adam No, no, he was driving the semi, he was doing 85.

1:07:10 Drew I think he said she was driving the semi. That's what I was trying to figure out.

1:07:13 Adam No, no, she was in the intersection. He was going 85 and a 30.

1:07:17 Drew With a semi 85 and a 30?

1:07:19 Adam Well, 60. Good enough.

1:07:22 Drew 60 and a 30?

1:07:23 Adam Good enough.

1:07:23 Drew Semi?

1:07:24 Adam He ran a red light, he t-boned her and decapitated her. I'm just saying, wouldn't it be ironic if you were killed by a drunk driver who wasn't actually in their car? They broke your house drunk and they shot you.

1:07:36 Drew It happens, I'm sure.

1:07:38 Adam Take a long explanation every time you did it.

1:07:40 Drew Killed by a drunk driver, but listen to the deal. 85 mile a t-bone vaporizes your car.

1:07:46 Adam That's right. All right, that's what happened. She was killed. All right, and Claire sounds kind of butch, kind of angry, and it doesn't sound like a kind of gal who'd want to be with a guy. But she married a guy. Is she married to the guy or is she just with him? Are you married to this guy?

1:08:05 Yes, I am married to this guy. He was my best friend before we got married.

1:08:09 Adam Okay, why did you make the move over to Lads if you'd been with the Lasses all these years?

1:08:16 I really don't know. I just completely fell head over heels for him. Really? We went on one date. We both completely broke our rules on that one date. I moved in with him three days later. We have been together ever since.

1:08:33 Adam Drew's rules, Drew's first date rules, is never buy lobster, always get a BJ.

1:08:41 Caller Well, he's got a BJ, that's for sure.

1:08:42 Adam He actually wore it on a laminated wristband, like quarterbacks wear in the NFL, it would check it. That's, surfer, hold on, hold on.

1:08:50 Drew I actually had an audible for that.

1:08:51 Adam Oh, really? It would check off at the line. So Claire, and now you're thinking about women again.

1:08:59 Well, I've always been thinking about women, and he knows that.

1:09:02 Adam Oh, he knows it.

1:09:05 We like, we watched the movies together, and we read the magazines together, and stuff like that. And he uses that with me during our sex.

1:09:15 Adam He uses what with you?

1:09:16 In order for me to have an orgasm, I have to think about women.

1:09:19 Caller If I think about him, it's gone.

1:09:22 There is no-

1:09:23 Adam All right, all right. Make sure you make that abundantly clear to him next time you guys are in the bedroom.

1:09:27 Drew So what's your question?

1:09:28 Caller I've never told him that.

1:09:30 Adam I know, I know.

1:09:30 Caller That's true.

1:09:32 Adam No, no, please don't tell him that. Please don't tell him.

1:09:35 Caller I don't want to.

1:09:36 Adam Okay, we don't have to. Now you have two children.

1:09:39 Yes.

1:09:40 Adam And your family of origin, what's up? Alcohol? What's going on?

1:09:44 Drew Abandonment.

1:09:45 Oh my God. My dad left me when I was a year old. Because he was an alcoholic and a drug addict.

1:09:52 Drew Oh, you get that.

1:09:53 My mom left me when I was a year and a half because she was a serious drug addict.

1:09:58 Adam You're a drug addict, abandon, okay, all right, so just wholesale abuse.

1:10:02 I was a drug addict, abandoned, sexually abused by my mom's boyfriend.

1:10:06 Drew Claire, you've had every possible disaster.

1:10:09 Yeah.

1:10:09 Drew Trauma, every trauma.

1:10:10 Yeah, I just had a flight. If it happens, it would probably happen to me.

1:10:14 Drew Yeah. Wow.

1:10:14 Adam All right. Now, here's the whole thing, Claire. Although we could tell most of these things happen to you by the sound of your voice, you sound like you're relatively stable.

1:10:24 Drew You're holding it together, yeah.

1:10:25 Adam For someone who's been through what you've been through.

1:10:27 Drew It's interesting, almost like that relationship with the girl who kept her patched together for a while. Yeah. Having a relationship, even though I understand you conceived of it as something different than it was, it probably kept you pieced together a little bit.

1:10:40 Adam Here's some, okay.

1:10:40 Caller I went through like four years of anger management, and I've seen my 22 therapists. My doctor now even is trying to get me mentally stable because I'm bipolar.

1:10:51 Drew Yeah, I get the bipolar. You're a little manic right now.

1:10:53 Adam All right, Claire, let me explain to you what the truth is.

1:10:56 Caller Okay, go for it.

1:10:57 Adam Are you ready? Please understand I'm a genius. You are always going to have thoughts about going a different direction. You have a fantasy that if you're with a woman, somehow things would straighten itself out, you would feel better. You will never feel better. Because of your past, they'll always be a part of you that's a little uncomfortable in the current relationship you're in.

1:11:21 Drew Uncomfortable in anything comfortable.

1:11:23 Adam Thank you. You have two kids.

1:11:26 Caller Yes.

1:11:26 Adam This guy is a good guy.

1:11:28 Caller He's wonderful.

1:11:30 Adam Now stop reading the chick magazines. This whole, you know, your relationship satisfies your every need. It doesn't work that way. You end up getting in a relationship that works, but there's always shortcoming in this department or that department. That's fine. You work at it. Good. You got a guy. Stay with him.

1:11:50 Drew Keep it simple.

1:11:50 Adam Focus on your kids.

1:11:51 Drew Simple, simple, simple.

1:11:52 Adam Have your fantasies. Don't act them out. Focus on the kids. No more kids. Stay in therapy. Fine. Your impulse is going to be to make trouble.

1:12:01 Drew Yeah. Don't listen to it. She's all right. She's okay.

1:12:03 Adam You're stable.

1:12:03 Drew Take your meds.

1:12:04 Adam Don't move.

1:12:05 Drew Get the med stabilized. She pushes the bipolar. You can feel it. Push it through there, can't you?

1:12:09 Adam Yes.

1:12:09 Drew Yeah.

1:12:10 Adam Yes. And it'd be nice if someone put a bullet in your dad's head.

1:12:15 Drew He's gone, right?

1:12:16 Adam Well, someone's dad, but then step-dad. Whoever did the sexual abusing. Really.

1:12:22 Drew Don't you get a sense of that relationship with the little girl she had kept her connected as a human being? You know, kept her sort of.

1:12:28 Adam Yeah.

1:12:29 Caller Yeah.

1:12:30 Drew As bad, as traumatizing as that can be.

1:12:33 Adam Yeah.

1:12:34 Drew It worked for them somehow.

1:12:35 Adam All right.

1:12:36 Drew That's my sense anyway.

1:12:37 Adam All right. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Drew just threatened me with a scalpel, everybody. So just go get a scalpel. Come in here and I'll do it. You heard him, Chris, right? Is that what he said?

1:13:05 Drew Give me three seconds. I'll get it done. That's right. That's right.

1:13:09 Adam I got something on the back of my neck. I don't know if that's like ingrown hair.

1:13:13 Drew I don't know what it was, a cyst now.

1:13:15 Adam Well, how does something turn into a cyst?

1:13:18 Drew It's either a gland that gets walled off and just starts expanding or-

1:13:22 Adam You got glands in the back of your neck?

1:13:23 Drew Sure.

1:13:24 Adam Where don't you have glands? I'm moving there. I'm moving to Glanville, anti-Glanville. All right. So what it starts is like, here's why I'm suspicious with the ingrown hair. It's right at the point where they-

1:13:39 Drew Give me a needle. Let's do it now. Listen, Chris, give me a needle. Oh, he's upset. What do you mean?

1:13:46 Caller No.

1:13:51 Adam Chris can't find his belly button. You think he's going to find a needle? And find a needle.

1:13:58 Drew We're going to do this.

1:13:58 Adam And believe me-

1:13:59 Drew And some paper towels.

1:14:01 Adam Okay. Please go at it. It's driving me insane.

1:14:04 Drew I'll take care of it.

1:14:05 Adam Here's the thing. It's right at the line where when the barber buzzes your neck and gives it the buzz, you know, cleans up the neck, so to speak. Drew, do you even get that by the way? Are you so hairless that they're going to clean up your neck?

1:14:19 Drew They actually use a blade on that.

1:14:20 Adam Straight edge?

1:14:21 Drew Yeah.

1:14:22 Adam Sweet. Yeah. They clean up your neck. They'll buzz it around the back. And when the hair comes back sometimes it'll get a little little stubbly like where I got I got a little little bump on my belly where where I had my hernia surgery and they shaved my belly off. It comes back like a bikini line or something. Anyway, point is, is I got some kind of zinger back there. It's I'm going on week three. It's driving me insane. I can't see it. I can't get to it. Now, normally I'm a surgeon. I drop that pin, I lance something, I drop it right in. I drain that thing right out. But my stuff is tough. I mean, my stuff don't come easy. You got to work it. You got to work it hard and you can't just press on it. You got to, you got to cut it. So if we get a pin, Drew, you drop it in the back of my neck. We'll get this thing out. But you know what? I wouldn't be as confident as you are right now. You're very confident, Drew. Remember when you tried to drain my palm?

1:15:14 Drew Yeah, that wasn't fun.

1:15:15 Adam That was painful for me and painful, humiliating for you.

1:15:18 Caller Yeah, it didn't work.

1:15:19 Adam Now, did it?

1:15:21 Drew Well, I kind of know what I'm getting into here.

1:15:22 Adam OK, feel like you do. Producer Anne is looking at me.

1:15:25 Drew Here's what I, here's, here's, here's, here's my guess.

1:15:28 Adam I saw her get up and move. Now she's entering the studio.

1:15:32 Drew She's actually delighted by this.

1:15:34 Adam I know what, oh, tack, tack. All right, let me see. No, that's good. No, I was about to predict we're going to get something that's not quite what we need, but close enough, which that's the disaster. That's like jumping out of a plane with, it's not quite a parachute, but yeah, I'm getting some paper towels and all right, there you go. Here's a tack and we need some light too. Turn the light up, Drew. And please get something out of there. It's been bothering me now for three weeks. I'm going to take some calls. Wow, Ann's got some paper towels, got a little wet nap, a little alcohol on there. Now the white thing you see on there, Drew, is just dried skin. That's what I'm saying. Drew's now putting it into the hole in the back of my neck. All right. That's going on there, Drew.

1:16:24 Drew Hold on.

1:16:24 Adam You don't got a mic, but tell me.

1:16:26 Drew Nothing's happening yet.

1:16:27 Adam Yeah. All right, Drew is now.

1:16:29 Drew I need the paper towels.

1:16:30 Adam You want the paper towels? All right, Drew is working on the car bunk on the back of my neck. They see, hold on a second, Drew, now hold on. Now see what was on there was a little piece of dried skin that you thought was like a white cap, right? You think you're in?

1:16:45 Caller All right. All right.

1:16:47 Adam If it hits my brain, you tell me. Anything coming? Not white.

1:16:51 Caller Yeah.

1:16:51 Adam White?

1:16:52 Drew Toothpaste.

1:16:53 Adam Get it, baby. Go, you bastard. I swear to Christ, I'm gonna get a divorce. We're getting married, Drew. I told my wife, I said, would you go at this thing? You know what I yelled at her? I said, what kind of chick doesn't want to go at a man's zit on his back? You know? And? No? Hold on, Drew, what are you doing with the pin? I thought it came.

1:17:11 Drew Opening up a little further, because it only came partially.

1:17:13 Adam Let me see what you got. You got? Ow!

1:17:16 Drew Ow!

1:17:18 Adam What do you got?

1:17:19 Caller Relax.

1:17:20 Adam You're drilling into my spine. What do you got? Let me see the white. I don't trust you.

1:17:25 Caller It's just a little bit.

1:17:26 Adam Yeah. Chris, you see anything? No. Did you see anything before?

1:17:31 Caller Ow!

1:17:32 Caller Ow!

1:17:32 Adam Do you have to hit me or can you just wipe it off? Hold on a second.

1:17:36 Caller You're moving for God's sake.

1:17:37 Adam I'm moving. You got to stop. Now, what did you get?

1:17:40 Drew A little bit of white.

1:17:41 Adam A little bit of white or was it...

1:17:42 Drew Little toothpaste.

1:17:43 Adam Little toothpaste or was it just dried skin?

1:17:45 Drew It was toothpaste.

1:17:46 Adam You sure you got something?

1:17:47 Drew Blood's coming out of it now.

1:17:48 Adam Well, I know blood's coming out. Any time you bore into a man's neck, blood will face like... If you took like a sprinkler keen, stab me in the neck, it would have...

1:17:54 Drew You're not going to have any sex with that. All right.

1:17:56 Adam Let's go. Let's go. Get it going there.

1:17:59 Drew I'm going to take some calls. All right.

1:18:00 Adam I'm going to take some calls. Drew is taking a pin, by the way, a thumbtack that producer hand produced. And that's producing, by the way. You get a thumbtack in here. I got an ingrown hair or something in the back of my neck. Drew is going at it. He swears it's going to pop. Ow! I'm telling them it's not. Take some calls.

1:18:19 Caller Get your mic on. Yeah.

1:18:22 Adam Yeah. I might just fall asleep. I don't go to the phone. Drew's drilling a hole in my spine. Maybe you need some Viking. Nell.

1:18:29 Caller Ow!

1:18:30 Adam You're 20?

1:18:31 Caller I am 20.

1:18:32 Adam All right. What's up, baby dog?

1:18:34 Caller Oh, a while ago, I think it was over a month ago, a girl asked how she could give her boyfriend better head. And you and Dr. Drew told her to take whenever she brushes her teeth to brush further back on her tongue.

1:18:47 Adam Oh, really? Yeah, that does that. Drew just endorsed that, but maybe Drew didn't say it. I probably said that helps you with the gag reflex a little bit if you can get the good thing. Speaking of head, Drew's giving me neck right now. Yeah?

1:19:02 Caller I did, and it actually helped me a lot. I can take more of my boyfriend in now.

1:19:07 Adam Really?

1:19:08 Caller Yeah. So I thank you very much for that. But I was actually wondering if it's bad for your gag reflex at all.

1:19:17 Adam Well, I'm trying to think, and Drew, I know you're absorbed in my neck bunkle right now. But what about the gag reflex? Obviously, it's something that God gave you.

1:19:28 Caller Well, I mean, like after I started doing it, because it started, I can't think of it, but it's just, it worked within a week, you know? And I could take more of them in then, but I got really wasted after that. And then I had to throw up, and I couldn't throw up as easily as I normally would have.

1:19:46 Adam Uh-huh, ah! So you started brushing your tongue, you started brushing back of your tongue and getting down in there. It softened up your gag reflex, but then after a hard night of partying, and when you got the spins, you couldn't just put your pinky down your throat and heave because you'd worked on your gag reflex. Well, let me tell you, it's something, uh, let me tell you something. As Drew says, no free lunch in nature. Yes, Drew?

1:20:14 Drew That's correct.

1:20:14 Adam That's correct.

1:20:15 Drew This thing needs to be excited solid.

1:20:17 Adam All right. Well, okay. All right. Good time, sir. Now, what did I, what did I get done? What did I say to you, Drew?

1:20:23 Drew There was a little core in it.

1:20:24 Adam No.

1:20:25 Drew The other way.

1:20:25 Adam I told it. Listen, 10 minutes ago, you said if you gave me a pin, it would come out. What did I say?

1:20:30 Drew Impossible.

1:20:31 Adam Impossible.

1:20:32 Drew But I think, I think.

1:20:34 Adam What is that on my neck and how come I've been living with it for three weeks? What's going on? If it's a zit, here's what I want to scream at my neck. Show yourself. If you're a zit, come on. Bring it.

1:20:45 Drew It's like a solid cyst. It's like a bunch of glandular material in there.

1:20:49 Adam What do you do with it?

1:20:51 Drew It may, what I just did may make it go away.

1:20:55 Adam Or I may die in my sleep.

1:20:56 Drew You might. That's the other possibility.

1:20:57 Adam That's actually more probable that I die in my sleep.

1:21:00 Drew No, no. Because I disrupted the architecture there.

1:21:04 Adam Yeah. You could have just hit me with a slipper.

1:21:07 Drew A bat.

1:21:07 Adam No, no, it's not a bat. Disrupted the architecture. You stabbed me.

1:21:10 Drew But it may also re-saw bones. They need to be actually cut out with a knife, like I said, knife. It's not one of the things you can be... Listen, we might explore it all around there with that needle.

1:21:21 Adam See, I'll tell you, you give me some Oxy-10 and a sewing needle. No, no, no, no. I can... There's nothing I can do. A heart transplant with some Oxy-10 and a sewing needle. Do you understand? I can separate conjoined twins.

1:21:35 Drew You could probably get...

1:21:36 Adam Bring me some twins from Guatemala that are joined at the skull.

1:21:39 Drew Is that Dateline tonight?

1:21:40 Adam Yes. Give me a pin and some Oxy-10. I will fix those girls. They will lead normal lives. Do you understand?

1:21:49 Drew By the way, that story about the twins.

1:21:52 Adam Yeah.

1:21:53 Drew What's the outcome they're alluding to with those two?

1:21:56 Adam I watched Dateline tonight along with Drew and I fast forwarded through the twins because here's the whole thing with me. Conjoined twins, you know, stuck together at the hip. Stuck together at the head is tough. I can't watch it. And it's like stuck together at the hip, tough to watch, but can make my way through it. Stuck together at the head, not going to make it.

1:22:23 Drew They're severely neurologically impaired. I mean, they're going to look forward to a life of maybe ambulating, maybe talking.

1:22:30 Adam Well, in the country they're from, they'll probably be president and chancellor.

1:22:34 Drew But the point is, they don't need it.

1:22:35 Adam What are they doing?

1:22:36 Drew The implication was, in the story, Where are they from? They're on their way to recovery. They're going to be like, they'll be riding their bike.

1:22:40 Adam Where are they from?

1:22:41 Drew Guatemala.

1:22:41 Adam Yeah. What are they going to do? They hang out and have babies. Chase chickens around. That's all they do in this country, sure. And they're not doing anything. That's fine. Good times. You need a brain. Just hang out. They're going to have it better than we do. Take naps, they relax. And by the way, on anyone's terror list, hammocks? They're going to go blow up a few cinder block houses with thatch roofs and a hammock or two?

1:23:08 Drew By the way, to switch topics, that terror thing, I just keep hearing city building, city court building, city court building. That's the one they're going for. I just know it.

1:23:15 Adam Well, why are they talking about it?

1:23:19 Drew What do you mean?

1:23:20 Adam Well, I mean, they're not going to do it now that we're aware of it, are they?

1:23:25 Drew I don't think.

1:23:25 Adam You're talking about the city court building in Manhattan. Anyone who's been to the city court building in Manhattan realizes when you stand out on the sidewalk that what it looks like is a chair with three legs. And it basically looks like if you can pop that third leg, that chair's coming.

1:23:46 Drew Right. That's what I keep hearing.

1:23:47 Adam And that is one hell of a chair. And that chair may catch a couple other chairs on the way down.

1:23:54 Drew And Fifth Avenue, while it's there.

1:23:56 Adam And it looks like, I mean, it's really, it's a marvel of engineering when you stand under and you look up 12 stories and you're looking at the bottom of the first floor essentially. And like I said, just one still holding up the whole, you know, south side of the building or whatever it is.

1:24:15 Drew I mean, isn't that the one you go for?

1:24:17 Adam I it seems like a rider truck with just a little manure in it, double parked at the right spot, would take out that thing and bring it down. On the other hand, as they've learned with the trade centers and their car bombs, these buildings were engineered more so for those sorts of events and less so for stuff like, you know, jet fuel burning, melting I-beams and causing a pancake effect of the floors. They are meant for serious winds, they're made for, you know, hurricane-type forces, made for earthquakes and, you know, natural anomalies and things like that. So structurally, it's like, it's like, like bones, you know, it's like, it's like your bones not breaking but acid, you're not made for acid, right? You know what I'm saying? And then the jet fuel was the acid, right? And nobody made anything for it. They were meant to withstand the force of an airplane, but not the hundreds and thousands of gallons of burning fuel, right, which ended up taking them down. So the bomb, and you realize the first World Trade Center bomb was a fairly significant bomb. I mean, it took out a couple levels of parking.

1:25:33 Drew I mean, it's 12 levels or something, crazy.

1:25:35 Adam It's as much bomb as you could squeeze into a panel truck, basically, barely move the, you know, barely rock the building, to any damage to any of the floors. So I'm not so sure, even though it looks very tempting, I'm not positive if that building would even come down, necessarily, if that-

1:25:54 Drew But you know they'll be thinking about melting steel stuff this time.

1:25:58 Adam One would assume. All right, here's the point.

1:26:01 Drew They're not beaten down.

1:26:02 Adam We can't judge.

1:26:03 Drew Everyone's good.

1:26:04 Adam All cultures are the same.

1:26:06 Drew They're all good.

1:26:06 Adam We should embrace every culture and every religion. And they're all the same. And there's no judging. Zero judging. Because everyone's right. Can't judge. And listen, unless if everyone's not right, then everyone's wrong. World War II, everyone right. World War I, everyone right. Civil War, North-South, both right. Can't judge. All the same. All right. Always remember that, everyone. Always remember you cannot judge and therefore you should never do anything. Take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:26:38 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:26:40 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:27:04 Adam I gotta tell you what, boy. I tell you what. Hey, 31. 31 after 8 o'clock.

1:27:14 Caller I gotta tell you what.

1:27:15 Adam Dr. Drew over there, Adam Corolla over here. Checking in weather. Coming in weather traffic. Coming up. 61 degrees, Agoura Hills, El Hambrous. 61 degrees, Arcadia. Checking in. 61, Baldwin Park. 61, Bellflower. 61. Carson. 61, Cerritos. 61. Cudahy. Checking in. 61 degrees, Downey. 61. Dworkday. 61. Hey, Warm Warm. 61, Hotthorne. Inglewood. Checking in. 61. La Canyada, Flintridge area. Checking in. 61, La Mirada. Drew, what do you think? Breezy. 61. 61 degrees, South Southwest. Four knots. 61 degrees, La Pointe. 61, Lancaster, Lawndale. 61, Lomita. 61, Linwood. 61, Monrovia. 61, Montebello. 61 degrees, Pico Rivera. Checking in. 61 degrees, San Gabriel. 61, Santa Fe Springs. 61 degrees, Sierra Madre. 61, Southgate. 61, Torrance. 61, Florida. 61, Walla. 61, Cedar. 61 degrees, and now it's time to get a little traffic. And I'll tell you what, Drew, did you drive in anymore? It wasn't either. 8.31, 8.30, 1.30, 1.30, 8 o'clock. 20 on the way from the top of the hour. News, weather, and traffic coming up at the top of the hour. Drew, did you come in at 8? A lot of brake lights. A lot of brake lights.

1:28:23 Caller Look out for brake lights.

1:28:24 Adam Slow and go on the 405. Look out for brake lights. Traffic in lanes.

1:28:28 Drew Couldn't get through the four level.

1:28:29 Adam Couldn't get through the four level. Look out for brake lights. I'll tell you what, watch out as a guy. I'll tell you, once in a while it gets really morbid, but the guy's just power through it. Fuel carrying a truck, 18 Wheeler carrying jet fuel collided with a moped. Had a guy down to the driver. They're cleaning that up. That's on the 101. They bring up things like carnage, you know what I mean? Like picturing body parts spread around.

1:28:53 Drew Hopefully CHP have that cleaned up soon.

1:28:55 Adam Guy on a motorcycle collided with three Humvees. I hope he's going to clean that up. That's on the form. I like when they focus on the traffic portion of the tragedy. Jet fuel all over the four level. The guy at the moped was trapped amongst it and evidently was ignited. So look out for delays if you're coming in. You may want to get off the 405. Takes a pole but along there. That's sort of a guy's on fire in the middle of the freeway. We got that. They got a helicopter landing out of there. Agor checking in 61 degrees. All right, Drew, ready to get back on the phones that day? Weather traffic.

1:29:29 Drew The morning high profile vehicle gusts in the past.

1:29:32 Adam Another news. I'll tell you what, we got to get to the news. Oh gee, unrest in the Middle East. There's trouble in the Middle East. There's trouble in the Middle East. Unrest in the Middle East. Stay tuned, though, for news traveling and the weather. 831, 31 after 8 o'clock, 29 away from the top of the hour. When we get to the top of the hour, maybe they'll have the old Middle East thing taken care of. May not be trouble in the Middle East. Unrest in the Middle East.

1:29:52 Drew There will be some traffic.

1:29:52 Adam There'll be traffic coming up.

1:29:54 Caller I'll tell you the four or five.

1:29:55 Adam Look out for brake lights, traffic and lines. Here we go. Ready to hop back on the phones, Drew? Here we go. First quick, quick shout of the weather. Quick look at the weather. There's 61 Downey, 61 Duarte. All right, Santa Monica checking in at 61 degrees. You ready? I'm ready. Ready to hop back on the phones? Here we go. 61 degrees, everybody. Dress appropriately. Here we go. Back to the phones. Go talk to Chris. Look out for brake lights on the 405. Slow going on the way in to work. A lot of people commute out in the Southern California area. Aren't used to seeing the traffic and brake lights. Watch out. Slow and go. I like once in a while when they add a little something. Stay cool out there. Relax. You know, a little piece of their own. Just a little home-spun philosophy for you to take with you in the job. Yeah, that's good. Give them a break. Chris?

1:30:44 Caller Yes.

1:30:45 Adam 18?

1:30:45 Caller Yes.

1:30:46 Adam What's that?

1:30:47 Caller I just recently got my penis pierced.

1:30:49 Adam Penis pierced? Irwindale 61.

1:30:53 Caller Why?

1:30:54 Caller Just because it was my birthday and I just wanted to get it done.

1:31:00 Drew Just because you thought it looks cool or what?

1:31:02 Caller No, I just wanted to see if the big hype was and it's not really that big.

1:31:07 Drew No, I mean, it feels just like you think it would feel when somebody sticks a spear through your penis in your urethra and out the base of your penis.

1:31:14 Caller Well, I didn't do that. I just got the foreskin pierced.

1:31:17 Adam Foreskin?

1:31:18 Drew It's just a little ring, a foreskin ring.

1:31:21 Like your pansy?

1:31:23 Adam Poser. No, anyone could do that.

1:31:25 Caller I just wanted to know, like, having a penis piercing, can it, like, increase...

1:31:29 Adam Hold on, let me say this. I got a question. For the penis, they got to do, you know, they got the big long barbs that go through the urethra and stuff, but if you just get the urethra, I mean, I'm sorry, the foreskin pierced.

1:31:44 Drew Pre-puce.

1:31:45 Adam Yeah, pre-puce pierced. Just like you would do the lobe of your ear with the lobe, the earlobe thing, they'll have that gun down at the mall.

1:31:52 Drew Pop! Yeah, I mean, with the pre-puce, they pull ice on there.

1:31:55 Adam No, I'm just saying, can they just give you the gun?

1:31:58 Drew Probably.

1:31:59 Adam Did they use the gun on you?

1:32:00 Caller No, it's just a straight needle.

1:32:02 Adam Okay. All right.

1:32:04 Caller Well, I want to know like...

1:32:05 Adam And by the way, I don't know why, but somehow doing the foreskin for the person who's doing it is more grotesque in its own bizarre way that you're actually... Yeah, I don't know why, but you know why? Because the spina...

1:32:20 Drew It's more delicate...

1:32:20 Adam .orethra almost feels like a procedure.

1:32:23 Drew Right.

1:32:23 Adam Whereas the foreskin just seems like...

1:32:26 Drew You're handling a penis.

1:32:26 Adam This is something you do at sleepaway camp when you're 13 and you're just fagging off with the guy in the bunk above you. This is just bizarre, like sexual ritual... .you know, gay sexuality here.

1:32:39 Drew Is it gay? Is it gay?

1:32:41 Adam Chris, are you gay?

1:32:42 Drew No.

1:32:43 Adam You are now. Who did this for you? Was it a guy? It was a girl. She pulled your foreskin out and iced it up?

1:32:53 Caller Or what did she do? They pulled it out and they iced it up. And she was wearing surgical gloves and everything. And kind of what she did, she pushed in the needle with her thumb while she was holding the other side with her two fingers.

1:33:04 Adam And just pushed it through her fingers. But I know everyone is a mess at these places, so normal rules don't apply. But if you're this guy's, if you're this chick's husband or boyfriend, and she's just sort of handling dongs all day.

1:33:19 Drew How about the guy doing the vaginal piercing?

1:33:22 Adam Yeah, that's cool.

1:33:23 Caller Yeah, you're right.

1:33:24 Adam Yeah. All right. So now you have what, a stud or hoop?

1:33:28 Caller No, I just have a hoop with the ball in it. That's it.

1:33:30 Drew Well, by the way, Adam, I mean, how dare you? These people are trained, licensed. Of course, and our government would a lot allow people to handle body parts, intimate parts, and push needles and barbs and spears through them, unless they were carefully licensed and carefully monitored. OSHA gets involved in every aspect of every business. Of course, they're involved with this one.

1:33:48 Adam I don't understand how that works because Drew tries to run himself a little doctoring business, and OSHA and FEMA and everything that ends with an A is up his ass, as far as the government goes.

1:34:02 Drew And every attorney and every liability and every insurance necessary.

1:34:05 Adam You have 70 years of college, and you have to have a $4 billion worth of insurance. How can a place open where you have basically guys that are high on, they're on methadone, they dropped out of junior college, and they've botched a few piercings and tats on themselves. They're going at your labia?

1:34:25 Drew If you have an untoward experience, some sort of bacteria gets introduced. They're a bacteria in the environment. You can get the flesh eating bacteria going on your penis. You can do it. No problem.

1:34:35 Adam Well, anyway, Chris, so your question was, you want to know if you can use condoms?

1:34:41 Yes.

1:34:43 Adam Do they have that?

1:34:44 Drew They have reinforced condoms. You usually get them from the piercing shops. Also, I think the magnums are tapered towards the tip, the Trojan Magnum, so you can...

1:34:52 Adam Bellflower checking in, 61 Carson, 61 Cerrito, 61 Cotahay, 61 La Mirada checking in, 61... I always like the checking in part, checking in.

1:35:04 Caller Hi, I'm from La Mirada.

1:35:06 Adam Yeah, I'm outside. I'm looking at the monomers, about 61.

1:35:10 Caller Oh, good.

1:35:11 Adam Okay, I'll call you back in 20. Well, no, okay, if nothing changes, I won't... All right, okay, we'll talk. Yeah, they're checking in. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:35:36 Caller 1-800-CALL-THE-DATELINE.

1:35:38 LOVE-191.

1:35:39 Caller CALL-CALL-CALL-THE-DATELINE.

1:35:55 Adam Well, there you go. Two fabulous hours of the best of Love Line. So, until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew, saying Mahalo.

1:36:08 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, May 29, 2005