Episode 1000705060744

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline, Loveline, Loveline, Loveline, Loveline, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, keeping with our Family Guy theme, Alex Borstein is here.

1:35 Drew Family Guy Week.

1:36 Yes.

1:37 Adam Alex, of course, does the voice of Lois and Trisha Takanawi, Asian reporter. Who else do you do on that show?

1:46 Alex Borstein I also do Stewie and I do Brian.

1:50 Peter.

1:50 Alex Borstein Peter as well.

1:51 Adam Peter and Brian. Wow.

1:53 Drew I did Peter and the Stewie last night.

1:55 Adam Oh, it was incredible.

1:55 Drew Yeah, it's amazing.

1:56 Alex Borstein Did you audition just in case?

1:58 Drew Just in case it was an accident or something.

1:59 Alex Borstein Or renegotiations. Remember they did that with the Simpsons? They tried to replace them when they wanted more money.

2:04 Adam Did they?

2:05 Alex Borstein Oh, yeah, they did. I went on one of the auditions.

2:07 Adam They didn't make any, they didn't actually do any episodes.

2:10 Alex Borstein No, but they were auditioning people to replace Lisa Simpson and Barton. Isn't that lame?

2:16 Adam Yeah, I mean, it seems like you have to sort of, well, I guess you couldn't kill the entire cast off. But if one person goes, if Lisa's got to go, don't replace her, just got to kill her, otherwise it's creepy, like the Partridge family.

2:29 Alex Borstein Well, you know, we replaced Meg.

2:29 Adam Had a nice Jewish boy playing the drums.

2:31 Alex Borstein We have had three Megs.

2:32 Adam Oh, well, yeah, we have talked about that.

2:36 Alex Borstein Once upon a time, it was someone named Cree Summer. This is some great trivia.

2:38 Adam I remember Cree Summer.

2:39 Alex Borstein And then there was Lacey Chabert. One of the Party of Five, dead parents, always funny. And then, of course, now we have the lovely Mila Kunis.

2:52 Adam Well, was how many? I think we've probably talked about this last time Seth was in here. But how many episodes did they all do? Does Mila has Mila done the lion share of them?

3:02 Alex Borstein Mila took over and has now really become Meg.

3:05 Adam Yeah, but now I was thinking on my way and Alex also, you know, from Mad TV. It's by the way, having a love affair with Mad TV.

3:14 Drew Yeah, they're playing so many reruns. My kids have picked up on this and every time they watch TV, they want to start with that.

3:20 Alex Borstein That's really irresponsible parenting.

3:23 Adam It really is horrible parenting. No, no, no.

3:24 Drew It's not bad. It's not bad.

3:25 Alex Borstein Dirty, filthy show.

3:26 Drew Some of it is. Some of it. I've monitored carefully. But your stuff.

3:29 Alex Borstein Yeah, it's all over. Now I'm actually seen, I left the show maybe two, three years ago. I'm now seen more that it's in syndication on Comedy Central.

3:38 Drew I'm walking down the street. I hear Ms. Swan.

3:40 Alex Borstein Yeah. Really?

3:41 Drew Yes.

3:42 Alex Borstein Well, I should sue them.

3:43 Drew Especially, no, no. I mean like-

3:44 Adam He's buying condoms.

3:45 Drew Younger, adolescent kids.

3:46 Alex Borstein I'm not afraid of suing a toddler.

3:48 Drew Not toddlers.

3:49 Adam They're doing Mrs. Swan.

3:51 Drew They're looking like a man. I was at Magic Mountain just there. I heard a lot of that.

3:54 Adam Really?

3:55 Drew Yes.

3:55 Alex Borstein Wow. I got to start selling bumper stickers.

3:59 Drew I was not the one initiated the conversation amazingly, or initiated the Ms. Swan.

4:03 Adam Well, Alex, I was thinking, and now Alex I've known since the ACME Theater Days. Oh, God. Let's see.

4:10 Drew I probably met- Wait a minute. He said you met first yelling at him in his kitchen or something. What was that?

4:14 Alex Borstein What is this?

4:15 Adam No, I said we met, I known Alex briefly from the ACME period, the ACME Theater Days, and then I threw some sort of party in my apartment and she yelled at me in my kitchen.

4:26 Alex Borstein I did?

4:27 Adam I can't remember what it was about.

4:29 Alex Borstein Just were you living like a pig and drinking and-

4:33 Adam No, it was a party. You wanted something. There was something. You told me to get out of the way so you could chop something or something. I can't remember what it was.

4:41 Alex Borstein That sounds right. I can imagine. We didn't have sex though, did we?

4:45 Adam Just oral.

4:46 Alex Borstein Okay.

4:46 Adam Just oral. I turn the TV off. I'm a perfect gentleman.

4:50 Alex Borstein How sweet.

4:51 Adam Alex is also married to a dear, dear friend of mine, Doug Jackson, who goes by some other name now.

4:56 Alex Borstein Jackson Douglas.

4:57 Adam Well, there you go.

4:58 Alex Borstein You're dyslexic.

4:59 Adam It's like PE class. So Jackson, I was thinking with the new success of the family guy and Lois being such a and also Trisha Taka.

5:10 Drew Is it Taka Heart?

5:12 Adam Taka Nowa.

5:12 It's Trisha Taka Nowa. She speaks in reporter speak.

5:19 Adam That's awesome. I was thinking, now, do you have a long-term contract? I mean, you could really screw things up if you just said, I want some more money, I'm not coming back.

5:29 Alex Borstein Yeah, I suppose I could. I think.

5:31 Adam Could you?

5:32 Alex Borstein Hmm. I hadn't thought about it, but now that you bring it up, I'm going to talk to Seth tomorrow.

5:37 Adam Yeah, tell him you need some.

5:38 Alex Borstein I'm going to tell him it was your idea.

5:40 Adam Well, we discussed that they back the Brinks truck up.

5:43 Drew For him.

5:44 Adam To his house every day.

5:46 Drew He drives it.

5:46 Adam He drives the Brinks truck. Yeah. We also figured out even if you have a circular driveway where it would be more convenient for them to actually pull in forward with the Brinks truck and stuff, they still back the Brinks truck up to the house.

5:59 Alex Borstein I heard that Seth actually just converted his house into a Brinks truck.

6:03 Adam Oh, interesting.

6:04 Alex Borstein It's the largest Brinks truck ever. It's huge.

6:06 Drew Yeah. I saw lots of bags with the dollar sign on it.

6:09 Alex Borstein Yeah. He wears a mask when he holds them and a striped shirt. Yeah.

6:12 Adam He wears spats and a top hat, has a big mustache like the Monopoly man. Point is, he's rich, to be honest, while the stream's, and why not? Why shouldn't you be kissed into some of that?

6:22 Alex Borstein You know what? He deserves every penny. The guy's a genius.

6:24 Adam All right.

6:25 Alex Borstein But I should start sucking off of it. I think you're right.

6:28 Adam Yeah, and you're also writing episodes.

6:31 Alex Borstein Yeah, I write on the show right now, full time, and doing the voices, and now we're doing these live shows. We're going to New York. I'm leaving tomorrow, and that's the coolest thing ever.

6:39 Drew Where are you doing that?

6:40 Alex Borstein We're doing it at the Town Hall in New York.

6:43 Adam And Jimmy went out to the one that was out here and said it was fantastic. It's sort of a table read, and then some songs.

6:52 Alex Borstein Yeah, like we sit around in director's chairs in a semi-circle, and we read the script aloud, which sounds lame, but it's kind of cool, because we're all ad-living and being extremely filthy and inappropriate, and then there's a giant screen behind us and showing you some of the animation while we're doing it.

7:06 Drew Is it of the upcoming episodes, or old ones?

7:07 Alex Borstein It's an existing, we don't like to say old, Dr. Drew.

7:10 Drew Existing episodes.

7:11 Adam Pre-owned.

7:12 Alex Borstein We like to say vintage.

7:14 Drew Vintage, classic.

7:15 Adam Reconditioned. That's right, repurposed.

7:18 Alex Borstein They're existing episodes, but we did show some clips from the new premiere coming out, which is pretty cool.

7:24 Adam Then there's some Q&A at the end of the show?

7:27 Alex Borstein Then there's some singing, Seth and I do, which is wonderful and horrible all at once. Then there's Q&A.

7:34 Adam Wow. Let's see, where did we hear? We had Quagmire singing last night.

7:38 Drew Brian and Peter and Lois. Oh, that's right.

7:41 Adam Family Guy theme.

7:42 Alex Borstein That's right.

7:42 Adam The Extendo theme. Well, Mazel Tov is-

7:46 Drew Well, thank you.

7:47 Adam Half of Drew's people say, I know it's Alex Borstein, but it was really Alex Fairchild. She's changed it to Borstein.

7:53 Alex Borstein That's right.

7:53 Adam Which got into the business.

7:54 Alex Borstein Well, there's not enough Jews in show business.

7:56 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

7:57 Alex Borstein I'm here to even it out.

7:58 Adam You know what I thought? I was watching-

8:01 Drew It was really good.

8:02 Adam Well, first racist remarks, seven minutes into the show. But I thought- You know, I always complained that the Asians really have no juice in Hollywood. I mean, they're not represented in any TV commercials.

8:14 Drew Unless a white person plays an Asian person.

8:16 Adam Right. What I'm saying is, if there's not X amount of black sitcoms on, Jesse Jackson has a protest, but there's no voice of the Asians. They're just going to work and keep quiet, right? I was watching this new Mazda commercial, which has all the other engineers from the leading Japanese car companies all standing around. The Honda, Toyota, Nissan engineers all standing around, drooling over the new Mazdas thinking, what are we going to do? Now we're being crushed by our competition. It's two white guys and a black guy. No Asians, by the way, representing the world's biggest Asian companies. The three.

8:51 Alex Borstein Interesting.

8:53 Adam You've seen the commercial. They've had the one where the guy's taking his car for a test ride. The other guy's got the Zoom Zoom phone ring. It's two white guys and a husky black guy, and they're wearing things, they're wearing lab coats that read Toyota, Nissan, and Honda.

9:08 Alex Borstein But you know, I hear that black is the new Asian.

9:10 Adam Oh, let's hope so.

9:11 Alex Borstein It's all fashion.

9:12 Adam My point is-

9:13 Drew Well, I can imagine the character you're gonna come up with.

9:15 Adam Now, by the way, these are huge, huge Japanese car companies. Could you imagine if there was a car company that was just out of Africa, and there's nothing but black-owned and two white guys and an Asian guy saying they're representing? Really? How would that work? Would that work? I don't think that would work.

9:34 Alex Borstein I think it might.

9:35 Adam Let's think about that.

9:36 Alex Borstein I'd buy that car.

9:37 Adam Let's think about it. One out of Johannesburg, the three-

9:41 Drew Nairobi.

9:42 Adam Nairobi. Three of them. Three huge black car companies. And then two white guys and Asian guys. Yeah, I'm just saying. I'm just saying the Asians should be complaining.

9:54 Alex Borstein This show is provocative.

9:55 Adam Well, wouldn't you complain if you're Asian and you have Nissan, Toyota, Honda, and Mazda all represented in lab techs, technicians. These guys are engineers from the company. The two fat white guys and a black guy.

10:11 Alex Borstein Was actually made in Canada.

10:13 Adam By Japanese guys.

10:14 Alex Borstein I don't know.

10:15 Adam I guarantee the engineer wasn't a fat black guy.

10:18 Alex Borstein Well.

10:19 Adam You never know.

10:20 Drew Being made in this continent now.

10:21 Adam All right. Am I right or am I right? You're right.

10:23 Alex Borstein I heard that before Rock went into television, he was actually a car engineer.

10:27 Adam Oh, the Rock.

10:28 Alex Borstein Rock, yeah. That's what I hear.

10:30 Adam What happened to Rock? Wait, wait, is that Baldus, what's that guy's name? James Dutton.

10:37 Alex Borstein Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was Rock.

10:39 Adam Pulled that right out of my ass.

10:40 Didn't he kill somebody?

10:41 Adam Pulled it out of my ass.

10:42 Drew Wow.

10:43 Alex Borstein He killed somebody.

10:43 Adam Yeah, just to watch him die. Here's my point.

10:47 Drew Yeah?

10:48 Adam Drew?

10:48 Drew I'm listening.

10:49 Adam I don't know what I'm saying. I'm saying Asians, let's go.

10:52 Drew Yeah.

10:52 Adam Get it together. You're gonna let the engineers from Honda and Nissan be white guys and black guys? Where's the Asians? It's your company. All right. All right, that's how you know. Jessie? Yes? By the way, when they cast these things, does anyone raise their hand and go, these are the biggest Japanese car manufacturers in the world. We can't get one Asian guy in there? A bunch of everything else but the Asian guy? Which just really goes to show you, but all you got to do is complain.

11:15 Drew Why don't you call Margaret Cho? Maybe she can make a call to us.

11:17 Adam I'm going to get her in on that. I think she's Korean, right?

11:20 Drew Yeah, that's Asian. Although I had Korean friends yelling at me that it's Oriental, not Asian if you're from Korea.

11:25 Really?

11:26 Drew It was, oh my God, now we cannot win.

11:27 Adam Well, I think Hyundai is Korean.

11:30 What is Kia?

11:30 Drew Yeah, I'm just saying. I'm just saying.

11:32 What is Kia?

11:32 Adam I thought that was Korean. That may be Korean too. Yeah. Jessie?

11:36 Drew I'm just saying, you think when they get the Korean car companies up there, it's going to be Korean people representing?

11:41 Adam No, it's not. Jessie?

11:43 Yeah?

11:43 Adam You're 24?

11:45 Caller Yes.

11:45 Adam What's up?

11:49 Caller I'm fine. I think I'm really horrible. My husband was in the military. He just got out. He was gone for pretty much two years, 18 months in Iraq and six months in Germany. Ever since he's gotten back, it's weird. I don't really want him to touch me. I don't like it when he kisses me.

12:07 Drew How long has he been back?

12:09 Caller He's been back two months.

12:13 Adam How long have you been married?

12:14 Caller Six years.

12:16 Adam After about a year or four, it's weird when he kisses.

12:19 Drew He's been married since you were 18. How old is he?

12:21 Adam You don't need that. He's going to get married to kiss.

12:23 Drew Have you been with somebody else during the time that he was gone?

12:26 Caller No.

12:26 Drew Really?

12:28 Caller Really.

12:28 Drew Are you mad at him for being gone?

12:31 Caller I was for part of the time he was gone, yes.

12:35 Drew Did you have a father that abandoned you?

12:38 Caller No.

12:38 Adam Was he Asian?

12:39 Caller Well, I was adopted.

12:42 Alex Borstein Did you feel differently about the war? Did you not believe in the war he was fighting?

12:46 Caller I don't really know.

12:49 Drew That makes it one and more.

12:50 Caller I don't agree with the war, but I agreed with what he was doing.

12:57 Drew So Jesse, as Adam would say, let's turn over all the cards. What's going on here? What are you feeling? We're guessing, we're reaching. What's the deal?

13:05 I don't know if it's...

13:09 Caller It feels weird and it feels like he came back and... I don't know, I have four kids.

13:14 Adam Who?

13:14 Caller It feels like he came back and... I don't know.

13:18 Adam All right, how many of those kids are his?

13:21 Caller All of them.

13:22 Adam Really?

13:23 Drew Wow, so refreshing. Yeah, a little couple's therapy to save this family a little bit. Maybe he's been changed by the war and you're sort of picking up on that.

13:31 Alex Borstein If you've been alone for two years, you kind of get used to it. You create your own rhythm. You kind of create your own day and everything you do and your priorities. And then he comes back and there's a big wrench thrown in what you've gotten used to.

13:42 Drew She's resentful and angry for some reason.

13:44 Adam Yeah, you got a nice little schedule of drinking Nyquil and neglecting your kids. And all of a sudden this guy comes in.

13:50 Drew What are you gonna do?

13:51 Adam Yeah, you know, I'm right.

13:52 Caller I won't quite go that far.

13:54 Adam Close enough. All right, listen, I need you to focus on this guy in your relationship on behalf of your four kids.

14:02 Caller Yes.

14:02 Adam Okay.

14:03 Caller What is this? Why I'm calling?

14:05 Adam Okay. All right. Well, we don't know what the answer is. Give yourself some time to decompress. I agree with Alex. Two years is a long time.

14:14 Drew People change, okay? You're away for two years. He's had this overwhelming, intense experience. You've built up resentments in a life of your own without him. Now, you're trying to be lovers again after being apart and drawn into two different people when you left. You were 22 when he left.

14:29 Adam Right.

14:29 Drew I mean, a whole lot of things have changed, and now you're trying to re-hook up as though things hadn't.

14:34 Adam They have. By the way, they split. Two years. You have four kids.

14:37 Drew Crazy.

14:38 Alex Borstein And war has got to change you. I mean, that's...

14:40 Drew Yeah, right. So you need to set up a new equilibrium. I know it's a big word for old Jesse there in Arkansas. A new... establish your relationship anew with who you are now.

14:49 Adam Yes.

14:50 Drew And if you can't do that, get some help. I'm sure the military would offer some of that for nothing. On behalf of your kids, commit yourself to this.

14:57 Adam All right.

14:58 Drew There you go.

14:58 Adam Now, they always say, do you want to talk down here? I have a question for Alex.

15:02 Alex Borstein My father is actually a therapist and he works for the vets.

15:05 Adam Oh, he does?

15:05 Alex Borstein He does. He's in the hospital right now, so I'll give a shout out to Irv.

15:09 Drew Uh-oh. What's he in for?

15:10 Alex Borstein He's had pneumonia. He's been there for two weeks.

15:12 Drew Oh my. Yeah.

15:14 Adam That was one of the few times Drew got the inflection off somebody and I didn't. He said works with the vets. He's in the hospital right now.

15:20 Drew He thought he was working.

15:21 Adam I thought he was working in the veteran's hospital.

15:25 Alex Borstein No, he's in fact flat on his back.

15:27 Adam How does he work with the veterans? Does he go into the veteran's hospital?

15:31 Alex Borstein Yes, he works at the veteran's hospital in Sepulveda, California. And yeah, he works with them.

15:36 Drew We had this conversation last time, I think.

15:37 Adam On Sepulveda or in Sepulveda?

15:39 Drew Both. The Westwood VA.

15:41 Adam Yeah.

15:42 Alex Borstein No, it's not Westwood. It's actually in the valley.

15:44 But yeah.

15:45 Adam Oh, that's another one. They have two of them on Sepulveda, essentially, or off Sepulveda.

15:50 Alex Borstein Yeah, because it's in the valley.

15:51 Adam Right. OK. It's in Sepulveda. This other one's on Sepulveda. This is boring for everyone.

15:55 Drew So he does PTSD and alcoholism and all that stuff, and all the vets have.

16:00 Adam I'd do it. I'd do that. But I'd dress up like Patton. And I'd just go in there with a hyperhandled colt. And I'd be like, hey, man, get a hold of yourself. And slap him with a glove. You make me sick.

16:11 And get back out there.

16:13 Adam And they'd go like, we're not in Iraq.

16:14 Get out!

16:16 I'd kick him out.

16:16 Alex Borstein I think he's so good at what he does.

16:17 Adam I'd call him yellow.

16:18 Alex Borstein No one connects more with men who've seen action than like a five foot six Jewish guy who was raised Orthodox.

16:25 Adam Oh yeah.

16:26 Alex Borstein No one really can get inside their heads better.

16:29 Adam Yeah. No, I mean, when you've lost as many buddies to menorifiers.

16:34 Alex Borstein To the Talmud. That's right, man.

16:35 Adam The Talmud tipping over and crushing them. Yeah. When you've seen that kind of action. When you've had your ass kicked by not Viet Cong, but your mom that many times, you know what it's like.

16:47 Alex Borstein A much fiercer enemy.

16:48 Adam Oh, you can't stop that. That's it. You got to go in.

16:52 Alex Borstein He's actually fabulous at what he does.

16:54 Adam All right. I'm sure. I'm sure he is. Jim?

16:57 Yeah.

16:58 Adam You're 18?

17:00 Caller Yeah. It's actually Sam.

17:01 Adam Sam. All right. What's up?

17:04 Caller First of all, before I get to my question, you guys want to say you guys are awesome. You guys rule.

17:08 Adam Thanks.

17:09 Caller Alex, you're awesome on the CD.

17:10 Adam I heard it.

17:12 Caller Thank you.

17:14 Caller Yeah. Before I get to my question also, there's a quick thing that I'd like to say. I spoke to one of the cast members of Family Guy. I'll just call him MH.

17:23 Caller I'm sure you can figure it out.

17:25 Alex Borstein I know who that is.

17:26 Adam Cast member?

17:27 Caller I spoke to him about internships at Family Guy, and he gave me the number of the Family Guy office and someone I should speak to. It was a little confusing with something. There's something I would like to speak with you that's the best ass off the air if it's okay, if I can have a minute of your time.

17:42 Alex Borstein I would suggest calling 1-800-LOVE-191.

17:45 Adam Let's just call that N-O.

17:47 Drew That is a pretty cold.

17:49 Alex Borstein Well, I don't understand what happened.

17:51 Adam Well, here she is. What do you want? You can't talk to her off the air. She's a huge star.

17:55 Caller Yeah. Okay. I saw that in Catwoman. Yeah.

17:58 Alex Borstein Yes.

17:59 Adam Oh, no.

18:01 Alex Borstein Come on.

18:01 Drew She's getting impressed.

18:02 Caller Yeah.

18:03 Adam Nothing like a good ass kissing to get an intern date.

18:05 Drew Good job.

18:06 Alex Borstein Badge of honor, Catwoman is.

18:08 Adam All right.

18:08 Drew Who's MH.?

18:10 Alex Borstein I'm not going to out him on the air. I'm just going to give him a really hard time when I see him.

18:14 Drew Good.

18:14 Alex Borstein In New York at the live show.

18:22 Drew Stop the show. Stop tape. You have to figure this out. Come on.

18:25 Adam It could be one of the writers.

18:26 Drew Writers does a voice.

18:28 Adam Writer does a voice.

18:29 Drew It's not our usual four.

18:30 Alex Borstein What a mystery.

18:31 Adam Right. What's Phil Lamar do over there?

18:35 Alex Borstein Phil Lamar does some voices on our show.

18:36 Adam Yeah. I saw him when I was over there. But Phil, that's F.

18:41 Alex Borstein That's P actually.

18:42 Adam That's F.

18:43 Drew How dare you?

18:44 Alex Borstein That's F.

18:45 Adam Phil. P. Pill. You're absolutely right. His name is Pill.

18:49 Alex Borstein I was thinking in Greek.

18:52 Adam Pill. That would be funny if the guy said it was Pill. But it's Phil. Just like, Phil-ness.

18:57 Drew Calm down, calm down, calm down. Sidebar, sidebar, sidebar.

19:01 Adam Hold on, hold on. Your dad is a phycologist, not a pie-cologist.

19:07 Alex Borstein He is in fact a phycologist.

19:09 Drew Psychologist.

19:10 Adam A p-psychologist. Where were we, Drew? We're not going to guess this unless you get on the internet. No, we're not going to guess this. I put Sam on hold because I'm deciding whether I want to hang up on him or not.

19:24 Alex Borstein Honestly, I don't have information. I don't know. I wouldn't know how to help him with that. I know that they have all the interns they need at this moment.

19:31 Adam I think he made a wisecrack about Catwoman, but on the other hand, I appreciate a quick come back. Especially when it has nothing to do with me. You know what I mean? So I'm going to let Sam hang for just a little bit. Married with two kids, gained 30 pounds in the last year.

19:47 Drew Married with two kids, having threesomes. Come on.

19:49 Adam All right. All right. All right. Mandy? Well, I was going to go there, but we had to have our guests insulted by Sam. Go ahead, Mandy.

19:58 Actually, I guess this is reattending to the last night show because I'm in New Mexico and I'm hearing that we're a little far behind here. But he was saying that a girl had called in with her boyfriend and she wanted to have a threesome with her friend.

20:11 Adam Hold on a second. You're indeed almost as obnoxious as the how so.

20:16 Drew I hear it comes from people every once in a while.

20:19 Adam Well, it worked.

20:20 Drew I tell you. Well, it worked.

20:22 Adam Well, you succeeded.

20:22 Drew Indeed.

20:23 Adam How so?

20:24 Alex Borstein You guys are like a sweet old couple.

20:25 Adam Yeah. Mandy?

20:27 Yes.

20:28 Adam I'm sorry. So your day behind, we're talking about threesomes and you were going to say.

20:35 Caller You're laughing about Phil.

20:37 I'm married and I have children and I have been married for almost five years. I deeply care for my husband, but I am myself a bisexual and I like to bring women home. He was saying that if you deeply care for someone that you shouldn't have threesomes and that the emotions tied in with that aren't healthy for a good relationship. But I was, you know, I made me feel like I was wrong for doing this and that I'm putting.

21:01 Drew We are not making judgment.

21:02 Any relationship in jeopardy.

21:03 Drew So who you are.

21:04 Adam Well, what Alex's father say is a combat veteran and also, I'm guessing, a veteran of many threesomes.

21:11 Alex Borstein You would say Bar-Hoo-Eh-Dah-Doh-Nye Hum-Bor-Rah. People all over the valley are dying laughing. New York pissing themselves.

21:23 Adam Manny. Plus, yeah, all the Jews he has to deal with, with the combat fatigue. Of course.

21:27 Alex Borstein Don't you think her husband, it depends on how hot the chick might be that she bring home.

21:31 Drew No, but here's the deal.

21:31 Adam Oh, for the husband, yeah.

21:32 Drew She's 25. How old's your husband?

21:34 We have an agreement. I mean, it's all to me. This is definitely a girl that I bring home for myself and my husband. I don't bring home another penis. I married a penis. I have that.

21:44 Drew Mandy, get out of your head here. You've got some trauma stuff. Yeah, you've got some boundary issues. Married a penis.

21:51 Adam By the way, if that was on the cake, if there's a penis next to the bride, a little miniature wax one, that's in poor taste. I mean, I'm open-minded, but-

21:59 Drew Mandy, listen.

22:00 Adam All right, hold on. Let's talk about Mandy for a sec. She got a wrap.

22:02 Drew Trauma, trauma, trauma. It's all intellectualized, why it's working the way it does, why it has to be good the way she does it. It's all defensive and in her head.

22:10 Adam But I will say, I do agree with Alex, that if you're the husband and some extra from the OC comes through the door with the old lady, it's like, oh, KROQ.

22:20 Alex Borstein An extra, one of the stars.

22:22 Drew And guess what's gonna happen eventually. He's gonna go out the door with one of those.

22:26 Adam That's right.

22:27 Drew For sure.

22:28 Alex Borstein You think so?

22:28 Drew For sure, for sure.

22:30 Alex Borstein Maybe that's what she wants.

22:31 Drew The craziness, well, of course, she comes from chaos.

22:35 Adam All right, well, let's see if we can cut through her bubble wrap. Go ahead.

22:38 We have children, and this is not, it's a stable relationship. I am very happy with my husband, and he is very happy with me.

22:45 Drew Mandy, I want you to listen to us. Just stop talking. Just answer the questions. What happened in your family of origin? Why did they break apart?

22:53 My family of origin? Why did they break apart?

22:55 Drew Yes.

22:55 Like my mother and father? Yes. They were married for 25 years, and my father had a big-

23:02 Caller Cheated.

23:04 After 9-11, he was in the traffic control, and after 9-11, he went through a big, I don't know, midlife crisis. And she died within a year of him leaving her. She died of massive head trauma. I had nothing to do with that.

23:18 Adam All right. Hold on a second.

23:19 Drew Hold on, Mandy. Just listen. Listen. Mandy, stop. Get that whole button going.

23:27 Adam No, I'm just going to.

23:28 Drew Just going to. Every time we'll do it all together.

23:32 Adam Yeah.

23:33 Drew All right.

23:34 Adam So listen, rap star. Your dad, your mom died of head trauma. What happened?

23:42 Well, actually, she hit her head on the ground. She let one of the boys, he was 11. She was a grandma. She let him drive the golf cart around a parking lot because it was the manager's son and she fell out because, I mean, what, top speed of, what, like 15? She fell out and she, I guess she just hit wrong and hit the back of her head and died a week later.

24:04 Adam Trailer park?

24:06 Huh?

24:07 Adam Trailer park?

24:08 No, it was not a trailer park. She was working. Well, I mean, she was a party coordinator for a very big country bar that we had here. She arranged people to come in with the, Why is it you're so vague?

24:21 Drew Why are you so vague?

24:22 Uh.

24:25 Adam Hello.

24:26 Drew Why are you so vague about what happened to her?

24:29 I'm not vague about what happened to her. I mean, she was, I mean, because it sounds like she, because she worked at a bar, but she worked during the day.

24:37 Adam All right. All right, I'm with you. All right, let's move forward. All right, we're gonna move forward. Mom's fine, head trauma. Sorry to hear that.

24:46 Drew Dad flipped out.

24:47 Adam Now, dad had a midlife crisis.

24:49 Drew Whatever that means, a meaningless term, by the way.

24:52 Alex Borstein But she associated the two.

24:53 Adam Did he start cheating?

24:55 This is what he told me, and I mean, take this, I was what, 23. He told me that he felt like he was lying to people his whole life.

25:02 Adam Hold on, you're 25 now.

25:03 Drew Two years ago.

25:05 Adam Could have been 16 months.

25:06 My mother died, I mean, and when this all happened, like three years ago, I'm sorry. I'll be 26 this year.

25:11 Adam This is different times.

25:12 Drew What did he tell you?

25:13 Adam 2002.

25:13 Drew Of course.

25:14 He told me that he felt like he was living a lie his whole life and he was definitely into his computer business and his job and he didn't have time for my mom.

25:23 Adam I thought he was an air traffic controller.

25:25 Caller He was in Mary's life and then he was in the air traffic controller.

25:30 Adam Wasn't he an air traffic controller?

25:32 Yeah.

25:33 Adam I thought he had a computer job.

25:35 Well, he did. He had an air traffic controller and he had a side business. Okay. All right.

25:40 Adam So and no abuse. When did you lose your virginity?

25:44 No abuse. What? 16?

25:46 Adam 16.

25:47 Not necessarily bad.

25:48 Drew But you never had any experimentation with another girl when you were saying kindergarten.

25:52 Caller Oh, well, does that necessarily?

25:54 Oh, God. I think I was pregnant with a girl when I was like 12.

25:57 Drew How about before that?

25:58 I didn't necessarily go on with that.

26:00 Drew How about before that?

26:03 Like before? No, I didn't.

26:05 Adam All right. All right, so you consider yourself bi. Is that true?

26:09 Well, yeah. I definitely like girls. I'm very picky. I don't know how much. I'm very, very picky.

26:15 Adam All right.

26:15 All right.

26:17 Adam And you have one child?

26:19 Drew Two.

26:19 I have two children.

26:20 Adam Two children.

26:21 All right.

26:22 Drew Just know that you created a very unstable situation. When you bring other people in, it just affects the... It affects the boundaries in the relationship and unexpected feelings will emerge. It's not right or wrong. It's just dangerous for your relationship. And if you really care about that family, the four of you are forming, you should protect it every way possible. And you're putting it in jeopardy.

26:47 Alex Borstein Here's my thing on this. It's like, if you... Why get married? Even if you're bisexual, getting married is saying, I'm picking one person who I'm going to be committed to.

26:54 Drew It's a commitment to one person for a stable formation of a family.

26:57 Alex Borstein Male, female, it shouldn't matter. That's what I don't get.

27:00 Drew If you want to do it, go do it. But the fact is you're putting your whole thing in jeopardy there.

27:07 Adam I'll just chime in and say, once you have two kids, sorry.

27:10 Drew Gigs up.

27:11 Adam Windows painted closed, not going to open anymore. Sorry, you should have thought about that before you had two kids. Even married, you should have thought about before. But the two kids, now it's a sealed deal.

27:18 Drew Done.

27:19 Adam All right, we'll take a break. Alex Borstein here tonight from The Family Guy and Mad TV in Heavy Syndication. Be right back after this.

27:28 Caller Dude, you got issues.

27:30 Drew Call Loveline.

27:31 1-800-LOVE-191.

27:35 Drew That's something. I don't know what.

27:49 Adam Hey, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Shayna and Travis are going to be in here tomorrow night for Meet the Barkers, which I've seen quite a few times. And I've now really just figured out that if you take an interesting looking couple, put them in a nice house and follow them around with a camera, you got a show.

28:09 Drew There you go.

28:09 Adam Ta-da! I will watch. Get a good looking blonde chick, get a guy who's pretty tatted up, basically Alex in her husband's story. And she's a long haired blonde, Jackson over there.

28:22 Drew He's got tats all over his neck.

28:24 Adam Tats and what I would call aggressive piercing. Aggressive piercing.

28:27 Alex Borstein You don't even know the half of it. He actually has a hat pin with a feather going through his testicles.

28:31 Adam Wow.

28:32 Drew Yeah, if you call a throat nipple and ampulling, aggressive.

28:35 Adam Ampulling, yeah.

28:36 Drew Who are you? I don't know you anymore, man.

28:39 Adam Yeah, very aggressive. He has a mohawk that runs sideways. You would hear like a Napoleon hat. Yeah.

28:45 Alex Borstein He's hardcore. He actually stitched with metal thread. He stitched his anus closed.

28:49 Drew How were those hats worn?

28:49 Adam Oh, he did.

28:50 Alex Borstein Yeah, stitched his anus closed.

28:51 Adam I got to believe part of that was because of me back in the day. I think it was my playground.

29:00 Drew How dare you speak to his anus that way?

29:02 Adam Anus was my playground. Yeah, finally, just stitched it shut with barbed wire.

29:06 Drew You did?

29:07 Adam I cut myself the first few times and then I learned.

29:09 Drew Go ahead, Drew. I'm doing a show for Discovery Health Channel and I scrubbed in. Listen, one quick thing. I scrubbed in on a penis enlargement surgery, which was very interesting.

29:18 Adam You didn't find out how much it cost though, goofball.

29:20 Drew No, I did. I don't have the number for you, but I did have somebody ask.

29:24 Adam Scrubbed in, that's the doctor, that's the lingo for hanging in.

29:27 Alex Borstein Very cool. Nice.

29:28 Adam How much?

29:29 Drew I don't have the number. I had to send somebody to ask the number.

29:32 Alex Borstein For a penis enlargement.

29:34 Drew And they basically sew in a pop tart around the penis. It's very, very interesting. It's a good time.

29:39 Adam I take fat. What flavor? That donor, that donor sticker you have on your driver's license, yeah, that's where it's going.

29:45 Alex Borstein Really?

29:46 Adam Yeah. It's human cells.

29:48 Alex Borstein Rump fat.

29:49 Drew It is human cells, and it's pretty interesting.

29:50 Adam Actually, yeah, it could be, I'm trying to think of what part where your soul resides on your flesh. Rump is good.

29:58 Drew They pull out your pineal gland, and it's smeared on there. But here's the deal. I can't get anybody to come on air and talk about an enlargement procedure they've had just to discuss why they did it, and what they liked. It was a good blah, blah, blah.

30:09 Adam Right, because it's humiliating.

30:10 Drew Yeah, and yet everyone, this urologist that did it, claims that everyone's so old, the happiest patients I've ever had. Yeah, of course. But maybe they don't want to admit they had a penis enlargement. I don't know, but I'm looking for somebody, call here in Loveline.

30:21 Adam I'll tell you how you get people to talk about it.

30:24 Drew Come on, this guy will be here. Well, Anderson, please help me with this. Pull somebody.

30:28 Caller Why don't you go to the doctor and get numbers from him?

30:30 Drew We tried.

30:32 Adam Here's the thing, Drew, please, at a certain point. Come on. All right, here's my point. You're going to have to give away one of these things. He's going to have to give away one of these things, and that's how you get the person on. That's a good idea. You talk to them before the surgery.

30:45 Drew It's got to do with surgery by Friday. Chris?

30:46 Adam You get that.

30:47 Drew Chris, by Friday, can you do it right now?

30:48 Adam Chris, what do you think, buddy?

30:49 Drew Sure. All right, we got it.

30:51 Alex Borstein Nice.

30:51 Caller That's good.

30:52 Alex Borstein Hey, look, if you throw in like $3 million and a house and maybe a reality show, I'll try it.

30:58 Adam You'll get the penis on?

30:59 Alex Borstein I'll do what China did.

31:00 Adam Chris has a pine needle in his underpants right now, so we're gonna see if we can fatten that baby up.

31:05 Caller From one inch to three inches?

31:07 Adam That's right.

31:07 Drew What a two.

31:08 Adam Yeah.

31:09 Drew But four is the wrong.

31:10 Adam The point is, Drew, you get somebody, you interview them beforehand, they give it for free or halfway over. The doctor, you trade out, tell me you advertise the hell out, I'll be wearing a T-shirt with the guy's name on it, and then he comes on. All right, here we go, back to the phones. Question for Alex. Did I mention Alex Borstein is here tonight? From The Family Guy. She does Trisha Tuckinelli.

31:33 Alex Borstein I also do a little bit of Lois.

31:36 Adam A little Lois who's, I bet guys have masturbated to that.

31:39 Alex Borstein Oh, guys love Lois. She's much hotter than I will ever be, and that's why I love playing her so much.

31:46 Adam She's a sleeper. She's sleeper hot. Cartoon hot.

31:49 Drew Cartoon hot.

31:50 Adam Yeah.

31:50 Alex Borstein She's cartoon hot. She's accessible.

31:53 Drew What you know with Peter? That's the big, it's like a Ron Jeremy relationship.

31:58 Adam Yeah, well, look at Ron Jeremy's relationship. I've seen them documented. Very provocative.

32:02 Drew Documented.

32:03 Adam Yes.

32:04 Drew In action. In the field.

32:06 Adam The hedgehog. Veronica?

32:08 Caller Yeah.

32:09 Adam You're 16?

32:10 Drew Yeah.

32:10 Adam What's up?

32:12 Caller I have a question for Alex.

32:14 Drew Go for it. Lois must have had a very abusive father.

32:18 Alex Borstein Oh, God, yes.

32:19 Drew Low self-esteem.

32:19 Adam Oh, well, he was in the episode I was in.

32:22 Drew Oh.

32:23 Alex Borstein Very, very abusive.

32:24 Drew He's the rich guy.

32:25 Adam He's the rich guy in Death Lives. Yeah.

32:28 Drew That's right.

32:28 Adam I went to meet him. I think we went to meet him. We broke wind or whatever. Go ahead, Veronica.

32:34 Caller Okay. My question was, why did you leave the cast of MADtv?

32:40 Alex Borstein There was a lot of abuse there, actually. I was sexually abused by every cast member, especially Nicole Sullivan.

32:49 Adam Not so much with Mike McDonald.

32:52 Alex Borstein Actually, I was there for five years. I had a five-year contract and it was over and it was time. It would have been like staying in high school after you finish for me staying, so it was just the right thing to do and I'm so glad I did. I loved it. It was the greatest thing, but now I've gotten to do Family Guy and movies.

33:10 Drew We were locked in or at Fox.

33:11 Alex Borstein Oh, I was very locked in. Very locked in.

33:14 Adam You could do the Family Guy, couldn't you?

33:15 Alex Borstein I was able to do Family Guy, but I couldn't write full-time.

33:18 Adam Oh, I see. You couldn't be on staff full-time.

33:21 Alex Borstein Yeah, and couldn't take any time off to do any features. It was really rough. I mean, wonderful, but also then you start wanting to try everything and you can't.

33:32 Drew They're ambitious skits. They look like a lot of work. We call them sketches. Whatever. I don't know. I'm not a lingo man.

33:39 Adam Drew, it's little skits.

33:40 Drew It's just little skits.

33:42 Alex Borstein I mean, are you going to scrub in or what?

33:44 Drew But they seem like extremely elaborate, ambitious, like musical stuff.

33:49 Alex Borstein It's really hit and miss. Some was really great and some was just crap.

33:53 Drew Yeah, but in general. But ambitious. They must have taken a lot of work to set them up and execute them.

33:58 Alex Borstein Some of them. Let's be honest, some were written in a half an hour before school, so to speak.

34:03 Adam I think I did that show once, Drew.

34:06 Alex Borstein Did you?

34:06 Adam Yeah.

34:07 Alex Borstein Was it when I was on? I don't remember.

34:10 Drew You do the stand up at the beginning kind of thing?

34:13 Adam You started to say little, didn't you, Drew?

34:15 I heard that.

34:16 Alex Borstein You can get a comedy enlargement.

34:18 Adam No. Jimmy and I did it in probably 2001.

34:25 Alex Borstein I was there.

34:26 Adam I would say. Although for some reason, I didn't see Alex there.

34:30 Alex Borstein You probably shot it a day I wasn't there.

34:32 Adam But we did shoot it with the audience, which is interesting. I mean, it was a shoot. It was a shoot day. And we played figure skating commentators. Jimmy and I did. And what's his nose was Michelle Kwan or something or Lee or whatever.

34:49 Alex Borstein I don't remember it at all. I bet it was hilarious.

34:52 Adam It was awesome. Here's the thing.

34:56 Alex Borstein Did that answer Veronica's question? Yes.

34:59 Adam OK. Let me just say this on Alex's behalf. Alex is multi-talented and talented people don't want to do one thing over and over again. If you're not that talented, you get a job on a soap, you hang on with both hands, you see if you can buy a condo and you stay there for 20 years, hoping some writer doesn't kill you. At least have you have you killed via with his pen. All right. If you have talent, you want to do other things. You want to do this for a while and that's great. You've done it and that's five years has gone by. Now, it's time to move on to something else.

35:32 Alex Borstein Speaking of something else, I just finished a movie with George Clooney called Good Night and Good Luck.

35:36 Adam Really?

35:37 Alex Borstein Yeah. It's going to be this little small cool movie about Edward R. Murrow and the McCarthy trials.

35:42 Adam Really?

35:43 Alex Borstein Trying a little drama.

35:45 Adam What's your relationship with George?

35:47 Alex Borstein George Clooney, he directed it but he's also in it. He plays Fred Friendly, who was one of the main producers at CBS News at the time. They were instrumental in helping to take McCarthy down.

35:58 Adam Really?

35:58 Alex Borstein And I play his assistant.

36:00 Adam Well, that's nice. You hear so many stories about McCarthy and McCarthyism, but you don't, the sort of the swell part, but you don't hear the part where she got taken down.

36:08 Alex Borstein Yeah, it's nice. It's a really nice little tale.

36:10 Adam Well, that's nice. And how was George Clooney?

36:12 Alex Borstein He was really nice. Kind of amazing. Very, very cool guy. Like, the kind of guy I would have imagined would have hated me and made fun of me and kicked me in the stomach in junior high was really nice.

36:22 Adam Really?

36:23 Alex Borstein A really cool guy.

36:24 Adam Wow. Kicked in the stomach.

36:26 Drew That happen to you?

36:28 Alex Borstein No, but I have an imagination. Oh, I see. I have fantasies.

36:31 Adam She keeps her fire. Becky?

36:34 Yeah.

36:34 Adam You're 28?

36:35 Caller Yes, I am.

36:36 Adam Drew, you know how you think everyone talks about you behind your back?

36:38 Drew Yeah.

36:39 Adam That's what Alex does with the kicking in the stomach.

36:41 Drew I see. Keeps the fire going.

36:43 Adam Fire stove.

36:44 Drew Yeah.

36:45 Adam Becky?

36:46 Caller Yes.

36:46 Adam Go ahead.

36:48 Caller My question is, what is the relevance in childhood experiences with, like for me, say, another woman as to my adult experiences in sex?

36:57 Drew What's that?

36:58 Adam I know what she's asking. You're bi, you're married, and you have four kids, it says?

37:03 Caller Well, I don't know if I'm bi or not, but I feel like I am.

37:07 Alex Borstein All right.

37:07 Adam She's asking, what difference does it make if she had a little fun with a playmate from the fifth grade until the seventh grade?

37:15 Alex Borstein Come on, everybody tries, at least once.

37:18 Drew When a child is sexually abused by an adult, they will frequently act out in a explicitly sexual way with their peers. That traumatizes the peer often, and one of the outcomes is that is all sorts of confusion about sexual identity. People have trouble committing, they're being bisexual. The fact is, in our culture, we want to go, whatever you're into, you're just a horny girl, whatever, good, cool. The fact is, these are unfortunately severe boundary issues. They are wired in, in a way that have an ill effect on your relationships. It has to do with living through trauma and then reenacting it in your adult life. And these things need to be contained and treated, or they will eventually erode away your relationship.

37:57 Alex Borstein Did you see the movie Kinsey?

37:59 Drew I don't know. I didn't see it. But that was all about, but he studied really sick people though.

38:03 Adam But it's more, more chaos in your adult life. Trauma in your young life translates into chaos.

38:09 Drew Chaos is unhealthy for relationships. Relationships, unfortunately, to really be stable need to be kind of, you know.

38:15 Adam Boring.

38:15 Drew Boring.

38:16 Adam Yeah.

38:16 Drew Basically. I think you can do all kinds of fun things with your partner, but you gotta stay committed to that partner or you're putting it in jeopardy.

38:21 Adam Well, hold on a second, Becky. Let me ask Drew a question. What percentage of the population you think is organically gay and homosexual, let's say?

38:34 Drew Not lesbian.

38:34 Adam Genetically.

38:35 Drew Just actually are that.

38:37 Adam Genetic-

38:38 Drew 5%?

38:40 Adam No, seems a little high. 5% seems healthy. Okay.

38:44 Drew 2% to 4% somewhere in there.

38:45 Adam Yeah. Really? That's genetically.

38:48 Drew Yeah, just that.

38:49 Adam There's another, you can double that number from uncles getting them in the basement.

38:53 Drew You can triple that number from that.

38:54 Adam Well, that's what I'm saying. Now you're making 15% of the populace gay.

38:57 Drew 10 is the number that's thrown around.

38:58 Adam Is it?

38:59 Drew Yeah.

38:59 Adam By the gays.

39:00 Alex Borstein Isn't that impossible to prove? Because how could you prove that someone up until the age, perhaps they were molested would might not have already been?

39:07 Drew We hear that all the time.

39:08 Adam We can't.

39:09 Alex Borstein All the time.

39:09 Adam You can't, but you can say that if only one in 20 people would have been, then there's a good chance that that guy wouldn't have been one of those one in 20 that would have been biologically gay before his uncle molested him.

39:21 Alex Borstein I don't know. I think you guys are covering something up.

39:24 Adam Well, we're both gay.

39:25 Drew We were gay. That's the upside of the point. But no, it's well established that early childhood sexual experiences change sexual identity. It just says you can't do anything about it. That's just how they are. Whether or not they were born that way or changed.

39:36 Alex Borstein Could you say the opposite then, if a man was on the road genetically to being gay and is molested by Mrs. Robinson next door, then he's made gay.

39:43 Drew No, but he'll have all kinds of horrible, again, chaos and chaos feelings.

39:49 Adam You know what that road is by the way, Drew?

39:51 Alex Borstein No.

39:51 Adam Hershey Highway.

39:53 Alex Borstein Nice.

39:54 Drew That's highbrow humor.

39:56 Adam Thank you. All right. Now, so Drew, you say biologically gay, two to four percent? Okay. Now, what about biologically lesbian?

40:06 Drew Well, I'm not going to throw all that in.

40:07 Adam No, but I'm tried in the beginning to separate these two.

40:12 Drew Probably one percent.

40:13 Adam Lower.

40:13 Drew Yeah.

40:13 Adam Okay. Now, what about bi? Or are all bets off with chicks now because they're so flexible in society, so open to experimentation?

40:24 Alex Borstein You mean actually limber?

40:26 Drew Yeah.

40:27 Adam Get to the vagina. Words before, they just couldn't bend down that low.

40:31 Drew Bi is always suspect because it usually means a history of boundary problems. Usually. If you're in a married relationship where you've chosen one person and someone's saying, I'm bi, that means you're going to cheat. That's what that means.

40:44 Adam Yes.

40:44 Drew That means I'm going to also be with other people. That's not a marriage.

40:47 Alex Borstein Or you say, I was at one time bisexual, but now I've chose my mate who happens to be man or woman.

40:52 Drew That's fine. But people are bi don't do that. Yeah.

40:54 Adam They don't say one time they say I'm bi. That's why I announced to my wife before we got married.

40:57 Drew You're bi?

40:58 Adam No. I said I was a rambling man.

40:59 Drew Oh, a rambling.

40:59 Adam Did you? Yeah. Which meant at a certain point, it's going to come down to rambling time. I'll give her that speech where I wish I could take her, but I'm a rambling guy, so I have to ramble. But one day I'll blow through town again.

41:12 Drew Well, the point is that we spent a lot of time being busy saying everything is good and everything is fine. Everything is good. Do whatever you want. Who cares? But there is a difference between healthy and unhealthy, and a ton is known about that now.

41:23 Who cares?

41:24 Drew Really?

41:24 Adam Who cares? Anderson just hates Drew.

41:27 Drew Really?

41:27 Adam Anderson hates everyone.

41:28 Caller That's what you just said, Drew.

41:29 Drew All right.

41:30 Adam He said, who cares?

41:31 Drew All right.

41:32 Adam Now, Becky, hang on because four kids bi and married, we need to talk to her, but we got to take a break. Alex Borstein is in studio tonight. Alex is from, well, you know, we're from Syndicated Man TV and also, of course, Family Guy. Now, movies with George Clooney.

41:48 Drew Look out. Big deal.

41:49 Adam We'll take ourselves a quick break. Be right back after this.

41:54 Drew Hello. This is Loveline.

41:56 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

42:16 Adam It's kind of open, it's not dusty, it's not, you know...

42:20 Alex Borstein It's a total kids' idea.

42:24 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191. The Drew Quiet, trying to announce the show here. Alex Borstein is here tonight from The Family Guy. She does Lois and Tricia Tukunawa and various other voices on the show as needed. Also, you know her from-

42:46 Caller I also do Loretta.

42:48 Adam Oh, you do Loretta?

42:49 Alex Borstein I do Loretta.

42:50 Adam That's right. Yeah. Also-

42:52 Oh, no, you didn't.

42:54 Adam You know her from Mad TV and movie coming out with George Clooney. What a life. We have the Barkers in here tomorrow night. Travis and his wife Shayna. That was Oscar De La Hoya's wife or concubine or something. Are you kidding? Yeah. She had a kid with him. I forgot all about that. They got a little kid run around, you know, looks like- Oscar. It's a chick, but it doesn't look like Travis.

43:24 Alex Borstein A Hoya in the house.

43:25 Adam Hoya in the hizzy. Well, there's a spinoff. It's got to suck, by the way, when your old lady is Oscar De La Hoya's old old lady, because you can't do any of that. You guys make a living talking smack. That dude better, you just better watch his, you better watch his ass when he comes up the driveway. If he doesn't show me respect, there's a lot of that. He really can't do that. Says, sorry, Mr. De La Hoya. Oh, that scratch on your kid's forehead. No, no, no, no, no, no. Let me explain. Fell off the hoppity horse. It was not me. All right, so when we're left off, we're gonna speak to Becky, who's 28, online, five.

44:07 Alex Borstein Bye, Becky.

44:08 Adam Bye, Becky, with the four kids.

44:11 Caller Yeah.

44:12 Adam And you're with girls on occasion?

44:17 Caller I have been, yes.

44:19 Adam So that would be yes?

44:20 Drew Yes.

44:21 Adam Okay. And when is everything's gonna be qualified on this goddamn show?

44:25 Caller What was that?

44:26 Adam All right. And do you include your husband in on this?

44:30 Caller No.

44:31 Adam No.

44:31 Alex Borstein Does he know about it?

44:33 Caller He does know about it.

44:34 Adam When it? Yeah.

44:36 Caller It's only happened one time since we've been married.

44:38 Adam Okay. And did you have any trauma in the past? It doesn't really need to be wholesale abuse.

44:45 Drew She had the kid on kid stuff.

44:48 Adam But this is also your dad could have split or philandered or something, done something good like that.

44:55 Caller Wasn't my dad. My mom's boyfriend.

44:57 Drew He sexually abused you?

44:59 Caller Yeah.

44:59 Drew Okay. So you were the one acting out on your pairs. Yeah.

45:05 Adam All right.

45:05 Drew Okay. So that's-

45:06 Caller It's like the whole abuse thing was my fault anyway.

45:09 Drew All right. But Becky, that needs to be treated.

45:11 Adam You were at fault with your mom's boyfriend as a child?

45:15 Caller Right. And see, he went to my mom and told her that I was kissing him inappropriately. And so they had this whole sit down intervention thing with me and he was doing other things. And so then I could never tell my mom about it.

45:26 Drew Becky, how old was he? How old were you, rather?

45:28 Caller I was 11.

45:30 Drew I just want you to think about having a conversation like that with your kids. Really? What kind of insane, insane situation-

45:37 Adam I like to preemptive strike the pedophile that, oh, whoa, your daughter's out of line. I can't keep her off my joint.

45:43 Drew Yeah.

45:44 Adam Come on now.

45:45 Drew Becky, this is a real seriously disturbed situation. You need some treatment for that.

45:48 Adam Yeah. Your mom's a piece of work too. I'm sure she was molested.

45:52 Drew Of course.

45:53 Adam Yeah, everyone is.

45:53 Drew That's why she brings the pedophile in, and this is the cycle that people get in.

45:57 Adam Listen, Becky, you have four kids, for the love of Christ, get some therapy. What do you pour? You F them up any worse?

46:04 Caller Okay.

46:04 Adam Yeah, that's what you have to do.

46:05 Drew That's not just a casual recommendation.

46:08 Adam You must do it. It's tantamount to abuse.

46:10 Caller I've went to a counselor for many years before because I have an anxiety disorder, so.

46:14 Drew An anxiety disorder, does she know about the trauma?

46:18 Caller I've talked about it, yeah.

46:20 Adam Okay. Here's the thing, everybody. I feel really bad for the people that were victimized in the past, but now you have four kids that you're going to screw up and unleash on to society, and then it becomes our problem. How you, it is child, look, you're much better having a parent in a wheelchair than a parent who was molested and never got any help. You're much better having a parent who's missing three limbs.

46:47 Drew You're much better a parent in a coffin.

46:48 Adam In a coffin, that's right, still alive, buried alive. Remember that you said, or actually putting arm and leg holes in the coffin and actually working that way. You'd have to open the door to feed them. Like a little kill bill too? Yeah, just either that, or actually, I'm picturing actually arm holes sticking out of the coffin and like people wear barrels. Sure. Yeah, that's a goth barrel wearer. Okay, we'll take ourselves a little break. Alex Borstein here and I'll be right back after this.

47:45 2, 1, go!

47:47 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Travis and Shayna are going to be in here tomorrow night for Meet The Barkers, MTV, Alex Borstein in here tonight.

47:59 Caller Hello.

48:01 Adam From The Family Guy. As you can tell, she plays Lois and Trisha Takanoa, and many other characters on the show. I also know her from Mad TV and I got some movies coming out. Let's see. Poor Jim, who also goes by Sam, has been on hold for 80 minutes now.

48:22 Drew But we talked to him.

48:23 Adam Well, we talked to him minute 11 of the show when he dealt a verbal assault. Assault on our beloved guest. But it wasn't really anything. It was a little touché, but he suffered long enough. So let's see how his attitude is now.

48:38 Drew Sam?

48:39 Adam Sam?

48:40 Caller Yeah.

48:40 Adam What's up?

48:43 Caller Do I get to go to my question now or the off air thing?

48:46 Adam Well, I think we already established that the off air thing wasn't going to happen.

48:50 Caller Okay. I want to make sure. All right. So my question was-

48:53 Adam The off air thing is not going to happen because Alex has no juice. She can barely get into the place every morning.

48:58 Alex Borstein It's true. Juice or Jews.

49:01 Adam Right.

49:02 Caller Well, I'm Jewish too, so there you go.

49:07 Adam Shocking. You have to approach a perfect stranger to get into show business. Wow. Where are they? The Smarta business? What is that? What's the rank?

49:18 Drew Smarta.

49:19 Adam The Smarta. In the garment industry?

49:24 Drew All right.

49:25 Adam We have a horrible phone line. But go ahead there.

49:28 Caller He just said nothing.

49:29 Adam He said nothing. Did he verbally say nothing?

49:32 Caller I said nothing.

49:33 Adam Okay. Go ahead.

49:35 Caller Anyway, my question was for Alex about how she went about getting voiceovers for Family Guy, because that's something I've been interested in since I was like six.

49:46 Alex Borstein I slept with Seth. I slept with everyone.

49:48 Drew You too?

49:48 Alex Borstein Yeah.

49:49 Drew Oh, so I got in there.

49:50 Alex Borstein Really?

49:51 Adam Yeah. Drew did that for an under five.

49:53 Alex Borstein Nice.

49:54 Adam Yeah. See?

49:55 Alex Borstein That would be a part that requires less than five lines, not with someone who was under five years old.

49:59 Drew Seth was so low he thought I was a check.

50:01 Adam Oh.

50:02 Alex Borstein I don't think he was low, Drew.

50:03 Adam Drew doesn't have a whole ton of body hair, so I made that mistake, too. You're on the road.

50:07 Alex Borstein I actually started doing Voice Over by, I mean, I did characters on Mad TV, but even before that, the first thing I ever did was the Power Rangers, Power Rangers Zio. I played the Evil Queen Machina.

50:19 Adam What did she sound like?

50:21 Caller Oh, she sounded a bit like this, Maxill Computer Use Deep, something like that.

50:28 Adam Julia Child.

50:29 Alex Borstein Yeah. Something you've never heard before, really an original.

50:33 Adam Wow. All right. But we spoke about this last night when, well, okay, here's the thing. Seth Risen. We have bands in here. Everyone's know how to break in. Everyone's know how do you get that gig. It's a good gig. You're not going to get it, is the unfortunate part. In all the years we've done this, no one's really had any advice other than do, just sort of do, you know what I mean?

51:00 Drew Find your way.

51:01 Adam But it seems to me that voice over stuff is a route you get to through other means, like you start doing improv or sketch comedy or stand up or something like that and eventually-

51:12 Alex Borstein You find out you're too ugly to do things in front of people.

51:14 Adam And eventually, well, that's not Alex.

51:18 Drew That's Adam. She's talking about you.

51:20 Adam I'm talking about me.

51:21 Drew It's like radio and Buzz Lightyear.

51:23 Adam No one ever asks me how I do anything. They'll be asking me once in a while how I get to stuff.

51:27 Drew You would think. You keep telling them it's in carpentry. So what are they going to say?

51:31 Adam Yeah. Here's the whole thing. I think now with voice over work, you get your voice out there, people hear it and then they decide you'd be good for this role for the most part. Yeah.

51:44 Alex Borstein I think too a lot of people forget that with a lot of prime time animation stuff, The Simpsons, and they're all really good actors. It's they're really good actors and they happen to do these great voices, and a lot of people forget that and just want to do a really funny voice, and it's scary.

52:01 Adam The thing about going to these places where you make tapes and you pay someone 385 bucks and you get a little reel or something, and then you send it out to a bunch of agents who don't listen to it and throw it in the garbage, probably not the way to go. I would get involved with an improv troupe if I was a young Sam and I was interested in the voiceover stuff and see where it led him.

52:22 Alex Borstein Although I would say doing those things where you pay and you get a demo, then you force to listen to it in your car over and over again.

52:28 Adam And it's horrible.

52:28 Alex Borstein And sometimes you're able to realize, this isn't my gift. This is not what I should be doing. So sometimes it's nice to only have to spend 400 bucks to find that out.

52:39 Adam Sam, maybe we can tell you it's not your gift for free. Do you do any, do you do some voices?

52:45 Caller I have a gaggle.

52:47 Adam All right, let's hear a handful of them.

52:50 Caller Like what, like a celebrity impersonation?

52:52 Alex Borstein Well, Let's hear you do Adam Corolla.

52:55 Caller I can't, I have a bad, I can't do Adam, but I can do a bad spanky ham.

53:01 Adam Okay.

53:01 Caller From Drawn Together.

53:02 Adam I think that's my character, that's your voice.

53:04 Caller That would be your character, yeah.

53:05 Adam Yes. From Drawn Together. I forgot about that show.

53:09 Caller This was from the one where he was up with Princess Clara, trying to prank all the pizza things. Like, yeah, you know, I didn't remember ordering this pizza without sausage.

53:20 Adam Oh, yeah. I remember saying that.

53:21 Drew Not bad.

53:22 Adam Yeah, not bad. Give us your top three, whatever, celebrities, dignitaries, politicians. Yeah, whatever your top three are.

53:31 Caller I've got a pretty good Gollum from Lord of the Rings.

53:35 Adam All right.

53:36 Caller Okay, so, um, stupid hermitages, those scurrilous from us, the precious, those scurrilous.

53:44 Adam Calling all nerds, nerding.

53:47 Alex Borstein That felt a little more Danny DeVito.

53:48 Adam But that was still solid. That was very good. Go ahead.

53:52 Drew How about a comic, a funny character?

53:54 Adam Well, I think we just, let's let him do his top three.

53:56 Drew All right.

53:57 Adam What's number two?

53:59 Caller Okay, semi-decent Sean Connery.

54:03 Drew Have you called the show before?

54:05 Caller No.

54:05 Drew All right.

54:06 Caller First time. Okay, so semi-decent Sean Connery is, look, Dr. Drew, I got a question. It's about erectile dysfunction. I had it well, but it's a problem that I've got.

54:20 Adam John Madden. Six and a half. All right.

54:23 Caller Yeah.

54:23 Adam What else do you got? Give us one more.

54:25 Caller One more. Have you heard of Aqua Teen Hunger Force?

54:28 Adam I have heard of that.

54:29 Drew Everyone imitates that. I don't know why.

54:31 Caller Yeah. Well, I got a.

54:32 Adam I think it's our demo. Yeah.

54:33 Caller Meatwad from Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

54:35 Adam All right. It's always great hearing impersonation of someone you've never heard before. It's almost the same as going.

54:41 Alex Borstein It's going to be good.

54:42 Adam This guy, Kurt, I went to high school with. You grew up in the Bay Area.

54:46 Alex Borstein You look just like him.

54:47 Adam I mentioned when you were 41. The point is, I'm going to do what Kurt would sound like. All right. I hope he's funny because otherwise there's nothing in it for me. But go ahead. Give us Meatmonger.

54:59 Caller Do you want a semi-decent Regis Philbin in the Meatmonger?

55:03 Adam I do. I do want that.

55:05 Caller A semi-decent Regis?

55:06 Caller Yes.

55:07 Caller Well, you know, I've actually been told my Regis Philbin is pretty top notch. But the thing is, I don't know how high the notch goes.

55:12 Caller That's pretty intact.

55:14 Drew Alex?

55:14 Caller All right.

55:16 Caller More like a Daryl Hammond.

55:17 Drew Hang on. Does Regis have a comment on that one?

55:19 Caller Well, I did Regis Philbin for years on MadTV. And it was very interesting because not only was I due at Regis Philbin, but I had to wear a fake forehead and false penis in my pants.

55:31 Adam False one on top of the regular.

55:33 Alex Borstein They always had me playing men.

55:35 Adam Yeah. Well, no. Now, Ms. Swan was not a male.

55:41 Drew No.

55:41 Caller Swan not a man, but she sometimes looked like a man.

55:46 Adam She was sexless and sort of genderless, but not a male.

55:50 Caller Oh, I don't know.

55:51 I think it's best I see.

55:55 Adam Do you understand her mafridite? Do you understand that term?

55:58 Caller No, not a mafridite, but I also like to be bi.

56:02 Adam Oh, you too?

56:03 Caller Yeah, sometimes a little bit of vagina.

56:06 Drew Did you grow up in San Francisco?

56:08 Caller No, I'm from Kuvaria.

56:10 Adam Kuvaria?

56:11 Caller Yeah.

56:11 Adam That's great chicken joint.

56:13 Oh, really?

56:14 Adam All right, so you have been with women and men?

56:18 Caller Oh, everything. I tell you.

56:20 Adam Oh, really?

56:21 Caller Oh, yeah.

56:21 Adam It's funny, but you strike me as a mure. Yeah.

56:24 Drew In your day, I guess.

56:25 Caller No, I have a...

56:26 Drew You roll a little E and...

56:28 Caller I have a salana in the front, but in the bed. Oh, good stuff.

56:32 Drew Oh, really?

56:33 Oh, yeah.

56:35 Adam Now, a man could get a massage back there for her?

56:37 Caller No, not a man. No.

56:38 Adam Oh, a woman? Oh, I see.

56:41 Drew Oh, would she have to look like a man?

56:45 Adam So, you, sexually, you look at yourself as sort of progressive, liberated.

56:51 Caller Yeah, I think I liberate and progress. All the time, everything.

56:57 Adam Now, when's the last time you were with a woman?

56:59 Caller This morning.

57:00 Adam Oh, really?

57:02 Drew At your salon?

57:03 Caller No, not at the salon. I was at the little motel. On the Fairfax.

57:12 Drew Did you see this gentleman there, leaving, or go?

57:14 Caller No.

57:15 Adam No, she was, and you performed on the woman? I mean, I'm getting... Massage.

57:19 Caller No, no, I never do.

57:21 Adam No, they do it to you.

57:22 Caller Oh, yeah.

57:22 Adam Oh, oh, smush.

57:24 Drew You don't have a team of you hired to send out to do this work. You actually do the work.

57:28 Caller Oh, yeah.

57:29 Drew Or they do it on you.

57:30 Adam No, no, no, she's talking about sex now, Drew. She's not talking about a massage.

57:34 Drew I thought it was a pedicure is a massage.

57:36 Adam No, it's not about actually being with a woman sexually. Yeah.

57:40 Caller Yeah.

57:40 Adam Yeah, true. You don't understand.

57:41 Caller It's okay. You're not doing... It's not... Yeah. It's okay.

57:45 Adam Unless there's a strap-on involved.

57:47 Caller You're not doing, God says, okay, that's good.

57:50 Drew God says good thing?

57:51 Caller Yeah, good.

57:52 Drew No strap-on, though.

57:53 Adam No strap-on.

57:53 Caller No strap-on. Then you just try to be something you're not.

57:57 Drew Then you look like a man.

57:59 Caller Like a man.

58:02 Adam Right. You don't want to appear to be like a man, but I think there's something very sensual. Drew, pull it together. I find something very sensual about the female form. Do you agree, Ms. Swan?

58:16 Caller Oh, yeah. It's sensual. I think it's nice when they have a cushion.

58:23 Drew Yes, they're softer.

58:24 Caller Where?

58:24 Drew Up here or down here?

58:26 Caller Over. Nice.

58:27 Drew Yeah, right.

58:28 Adam The breast and the abdomen.

58:30 Caller I like knees with the cushion.

58:32 Drew Oh. You like heavier women?

58:33 Adam You like heavier set?

58:34 Caller Only the knees.

58:36 Adam Only the knees. So sort of a twist on the chubby chaser thing.

58:40 Drew Knee folds.

58:41 Adam Yeah.

58:42 Drew But narrow waist.

58:44 Adam Narrow waist.

58:44 Caller Yeah. I like them to be almost sick. Everybody else like a Summer Blair in that movie story telling.

58:52 Drew Summer Blair, yeah.

58:53 Caller Really tiny but the big knees.

58:55 Adam Huge knees.

58:56 Caller Yeah, big.

58:57 Adam But almost sort of a Biafran as far as the rest of the body goes. Summer hike with the big knees.

59:05 Caller What's it name that Britney?

59:07 Adam Britney Spears.

59:08 Caller No, Murphy.

59:09 Adam Britney Murphy, yes. Very thin.

59:11 Caller Oh, yeah. Almost dead.

59:13 Adam Almost dead.

59:14 Drew And elephantiasis of the knees. Oh, yeah.

59:17 Caller That's hard.

59:18 Drew So the medical textbooks must be very interesting to you.

59:21 Adam So wow. And I watched Mad TV and casually I thought you were just married and you know.

59:30 Drew Yeah, you saw the Swan Salon.

59:32 Adam Well, I saw the salon but I didn't know you were this sort of experimental in your second professional.

59:38 Caller No, almost married couple of times but I like to keep myself unattached and maybe you know explore a little bit. We only here for a little time, you know.

59:50 Drew On this earth.

59:51 Adam Yeah, yeah. We got to get the kicks in.

59:53 Drew How do you approach these ladies? Or they approach you?

59:56 Caller All the time.

59:57 Drew They come after you. And what do you say to them?

59:59 Adam Do you have a rap? Do you have something you would say?

1:00:01 Caller Usually the ladies say, hey, Miss Swan, you look like a lot of fun. Maybe you come, you show me good time, I show you everything and I say, okay, you do.

1:00:14 Adam All right, so if I was a lady and I came in on the swan and I was, let's say, sort of narrow at the hip.

1:00:19 Drew A salon. Huge knees.

1:00:20 Adam A salon, yeah, but have massive knees.

1:00:22 Drew Tiny breasts. Tiny breasts.

1:00:24 Adam Tiny, just emaciated.

1:00:25 Drew Huge elephantiasis of the knees.

1:00:27 Caller That's for the breast to be concave.

1:00:29 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah. Concave chest, spine showing through the back, but huge knees.

1:00:35 Drew I'm just wondering where this sort of aesthetic ideal comes from. Well, Drew, I'm trying to do a role playing. I'm trying to do some role playing. But I mean, where you live, what kind of animal life is it? The marine life, animal life?

1:00:45 Caller In the country I come from, in Kuwariya, it's close to the North Pole.

1:00:49 Drew Right.

1:00:50 Caller All the time, there's no public transportation. You got to go, you walk everything all the time. Sometimes it's so cold, you had to walk on a knee. So, it's stopping you know, you develop a big knee.

1:01:06 Drew Right.

1:01:06 Adam And then it becomes a turn on it. So, I remind you if someone's from your homeland. So, if I was just to come in as a female with small shoulders and huge knees, how would it go? And I'd say like, I would like a cuticle push and maybe a brow pluck or maybe that's hitting a little too close to home.

1:01:26 Alex Borstein I would say, I would say shh.

1:01:29 Caller No words. Don't use the words.

1:01:31 Adam No words?

1:01:32 Caller No words.

1:01:32 Drew Don't you say, do you have a boyfriend?

1:01:34 Caller Only look into my eyes and everything I know.

1:01:38 Adam Oh, okay.

1:01:39 Caller Yeah.

1:01:40 Adam But what if you didn't get me at first? I was like, look, I'm just, Drew, we're doing some role playing here, please. I'm just in, I just want to get a wash in a condition and I'm going to be on my way to work.

1:01:51 Caller Oh, then I say, okay, just a wash condition. I'm not going to chase the lady, Adam.

1:01:55 Adam Oh, I see. It's up to them.

1:01:56 Caller I don't need to chase, no tail. Right.

1:01:58 Adam But what if I said, I think you look pretty hot.

1:02:01 Caller Oh. Yeah. And I smile.

1:02:05 Adam Yeah.

1:02:05 Caller And I bet the eye. Uh-huh.

1:02:08 Adam Because I like a house dress and a short bob cut on my semi-Asian woman.

1:02:12 Caller It's good stuff.

1:02:13 Adam Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to rock your world, baby.

1:02:16 Caller You try. I'll show you what.

1:02:18 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:02:19 Drew But he looks like a man, though.

1:02:21 Caller Sometimes.

1:02:23 Drew You with man sometimes.

1:02:24 Caller Sometimes I don't look like man.

1:02:26 Adam Yeah.

1:02:26 Caller Wow.

1:02:27 Drew You look like woman.

1:02:29 Caller Sometimes I don't look like Jimily Curtis.

1:02:33 Adam Oh, androgynous. In between. Yeah. Ambiguous genitalia.

1:02:37 Caller Yeah.

1:02:38 Drew Female testicularization.

1:02:40 Adam Any parting words for Ms. Swan? I thought when you come- This is enlightenment, by the way.

1:02:43 Drew I've noticed when young women go to the salons, they always ask about the boyfriends.

1:02:48 Caller Oh, yeah, yeah.

1:02:49 Drew Is that some sort of way in?

1:02:52 Caller No.

1:02:52 Drew Does it mean something?

1:02:53 Caller You know, Drew, everything means something. Sometimes somebody just like to make with the vagina and the penis. They're not abuse. Sometimes apple is just an apple, you know?

1:03:05 Adam That's right. And banana is still banana. That's, you know, in your ass.

1:03:09 Caller Yeah. Sometimes, you know, you got to do what you got to do.

1:03:13 Adam You want the horn of plenty. That's Minka, number one Asian pig boob queen.

1:03:17 Drew She does live with Gusto and Ver.

1:03:19 Adam Wow. Well, Ms. Swan, by the way.

1:03:22 Drew Well done, Ms. Swan. I've been enlightened and moved and laughed and cried.

1:03:27 Adam Send Alex Borstein in here, please, by the way.

1:03:29 Drew What's the matter with your husband he doesn't laugh at this?

1:03:31 Alex Borstein Hey, guys, I just stepped out to go to the bathroom.

1:03:34 Caller What happened while I was gone?

1:03:35 Adam I'll tell you, Ms. Swan, she was in here for ManTV. I know you're a big fan.

1:03:39 Alex Borstein I can't believe she was here.

1:03:40 Drew We had a million questions for her. A million. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. That was something.

1:03:46 Adam Yeah.

1:03:47 Drew What is that ethnicity, though? I couldn't quite, is that sort of an Indian or an Asian? She knows Ms. Swan.

1:03:56 Alex Borstein Ms. Swan is just a mal, she's based on my grandmother. She's an amalgamation of just every immigrant you've ever met and wanted to tear their hair out because you know they know what you want them to say and they're just playing with you and that's, so we just created, she's from a place called Kuvaria, which is near the North Pole.

1:04:13 Adam There's a certain amount of mileage. I never really think about it, but you could get out of a little language barrier and people not knowing what you're talking about. You're sort of always covered.

1:04:23 Drew It's a passive aggression.

1:04:24 Alex Borstein That's the life of my grandmother.

1:04:25 Drew Yeah.

1:04:26 Adam Well, it can be passive aggressive and it can just be the ultimate sort of out all the time. You can always say you misunderstood and people always just sort of, here's the good. The good news is you don't always get the respect you should, but I mean the bad news is, but the good news is people don't really hold you down to stuff. They're always sort of like, you just tell me.

1:04:42 Alex Borstein Respect is overrated.

1:04:44 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:04:45 Alex Borstein Isn't it?

1:04:46 Adam Better just have good excuses not to do stuff. Donna?

1:04:50 Caller Yeah.

1:04:51 Adam You're 22?

1:04:53 Caller Yes.

1:04:53 Adam What's up?

1:04:55 Caller Okay. I don't know. I'm a mess. I left this guy that I've been dating for four years about five months ago. In that time period, I've slept with nine people and I haven't used protection any of those times.

1:05:15 Adam Four months? Did you say five years ago?

1:05:17 Drew A five-year relationship?

1:05:19 Adam How many? Four months ago.

1:05:21 Caller It was a four-year relationship about five months ago.

1:05:23 Drew Why did it end?

1:05:26 Caller There was no reason. I just broke up with him.

1:05:28 Drew Okay. To me, this all smacks of somebody with real difficulty with abandonment and grief and that sort of thing.

1:05:35 Adam Intimacy.

1:05:36 Drew Well, maybe not intimacy, but the fear of somebody you feel intimate with leaving is so profound that you have to leave them before they leave you. Then the actual experience of leaving is so overwhelming that you start acting out. That's sort of what Donna is talking about here.

1:05:51 Adam So, Donna.

1:05:54 Drew Yes.

1:05:54 Caller I mean.

1:05:55 Adam Yeah, we have scurry phone lines. You were with just one night stands with these nine guys?

1:06:03 Caller Some of them and some of them I actually dated.

1:06:07 Adam Why didn't you hook up with them once you stay with any of those guys?

1:06:13 Caller I ended up, well, with all of them, I ended up creating some huge drama. And I, you know, either they'd end the relationship or I would. And it was just, you know.

1:06:24 Drew But you're still reenacting this trauma over and over and over again, this believing drama.

1:06:28 Adam Well, what happened? Where's your dad? He cut out?

1:06:32 Caller He's still here. I just kind of, well.

1:06:35 Adam You don't like him?

1:06:36 Caller No, I hate him.

1:06:37 Adam Why do you hate him?

1:06:39 Caller He's just, he's a mean guy. He's never been nice to any of us.

1:06:45 Drew Where's your mom?

1:06:47 Caller My mom is still here. When I was little, when I was about 13, she was hospitalized for a nervous breakdown. And she's been in and out of hospitals.

1:06:58 Drew What is her, nervous breakdown doesn't mean anything. What was her diagnosis?

1:07:02 Caller I've never really known. I know that her and I take the same medication.

1:07:06 Drew Interesting. Which is what?

1:07:09 Caller I take Seroquel and she takes Seroquel.

1:07:13 Drew And what is your diagnosis?

1:07:15 Caller I'm bipolar and obsessive compulsive.

1:07:17 Drew And have they given you a personality disorder diagnosis?

1:07:22 Caller No. I used to see a therapist who was really great, and he always said that I was extremely codependent, and that I had a borderline personality.

1:07:32 Drew That's what I was looking for. Because all this abandonment stuff is borderline. All right.

1:07:36 Adam So what does she need to do?

1:07:38 Drew Go back into treatment, Donna. You're for some reason been traumatized by this rupture in this relationship, and you sort of perseverate. You repeat it over and over and over again, the trauma in these newer relationships. It's a crazy thing that humans do, when something was really painful to them, they go do it again. They do it over and over and over again repeatedly, even in these sorts of spurts like this. And for her to kind of contain, she's gonna need somebody to help her contain. And I'm not, you've had therapy, I can hear that you've had some work, but really you need help now containing yourself. That Seroquel is a sort of a containing medication. It is. Yeah, it's sort of a ego glue, some people think of it as that kind of medicine. Yeah. And you need help now. And so once you get out of this cycle, I think you'll be okay.

1:08:21 Alex Borstein Ego glue, I'm gonna get some for Seth MacFarlane.

1:08:24 Drew Yeah, he can't stop drinking first.

1:08:25 Adam Kid's out of control. Came in here drunk. I think he was hopped up on the nose candy, by the way. Been doing the booger sugar. Yeah, he took a backhanded engineer, Chris, because he couldn't get coffee fast enough.

1:08:38 Alex Borstein Wow.

1:08:38 Drew Wait, that was you.

1:08:40 Adam Oh, that's right. Well, he had that coming, because I said, I said extra creamer, and he put in medium creamer. So he had it coming.

1:08:48 Alex Borstein You're tough, but you're fair.

1:08:49 Adam I really am.

1:08:50 Drew Oh, man.

1:08:52 Adam I'm consistent, is what I am.

1:08:53 Drew He said those words.

1:08:55 Adam Well, let me tell you something. I, now I was gonna say I demand a lot of myself and other people, but I really just demand a lot of other people. I don't really hold myself to that same that same standard. It's too it's first off, it's too lofty. And secondly, I'd be disappointed in myself. And by the way, why hold yourself to the same high standard you hold other people there?

1:09:13 Drew There you go.

1:09:14 Adam You know, I mean, when you go in and get your your brakes fixed on your car, you don't hold yourself to the same high standard that the brake job place does. You hold them to a higher standard, right?

1:09:21 Drew Of course.

1:09:22 Adam We should all do that.

1:09:23 Drew Take a break.

1:09:24 Adam Hold on. I want to speak to Tim, who can beat off 20 times a day.

1:09:28 Drew No, let's talk to him after the break.

1:09:29 Adam All right. What about saw commercial for anal bleaching?

1:09:32 Drew Oh, God.

1:09:33 Alex Borstein Oh, I've heard about this.

1:09:33 Adam I've heard about it too.

1:09:35 Alex Borstein It's to keep the anus from browning.

1:09:38 Drew Oh, my God.

1:09:39 Adam Adam?

1:09:40 Drew Oh, my God.

1:09:41 Alex Borstein I say Charmin wipes.

1:09:43 Adam You're 2026?

1:09:47 Caller Yes.

1:09:48 Adam Okay. Thanks for the three Mississippi for the response. It's perfect with our phone problems.

1:09:53 Caller Sorry about that.

1:09:53 Adam All right. So you saw commercial for anal bleaching?

1:09:56 Caller Yeah.

1:09:57 Caller I was curious what that's all about. It sounds like a big new fad.

1:10:00 Adam It's huge.

1:10:01 Caller I was just curious what it entails.

1:10:04 Adam Well, wait. What commercial? And by the way, you're watching Too Much Nickelodeon. Noggin. Be real.

1:10:12 Alex Borstein It's total porn star stuff.

1:10:15 Adam Too much Trinity Broadcasting.

1:10:17 Caller It was something like a show for some surgery. I want to have my butt done really well and I'm going to get my anus bleached.

1:10:24 Adam No, it isn't.

1:10:25 Drew This is a mason jar.

1:10:26 Adam No, hold on. This is a guy doing a bogus call who has zero creativity.

1:10:32 Caller I'm telling you, this is the commercial I saw.

1:10:34 Drew Commercial or a show like this plastic surgery show?

1:10:37 Caller It was a commercial for a surgery type show like a Beverly Hills 90210 doctor thing.

1:10:43 Alex Borstein I think if you need bleach on your anus, you're not wiping the right way. Front to back, especially ladies.

1:10:49 Adam That's right.

1:10:50 Caller Is this for porn stars or?

1:10:51 Adam Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I could imagine if you spilled some gravy on your anus, you'd have to bleach it just to get the stain out. You know how tough grass stains can be on the anus, Drew?

1:11:01 Drew I've not heard.

1:11:04 Adam If you play as hard as I play, you will get grass, you will get ink.

1:11:09 Drew Occasionally, male stains.

1:11:13 Adam Iodine. I always like when they do that with shirts. Iodine, what? What are you in the lab? What's going on with the iodine?

1:11:20 Drew Mercury.

1:11:21 Adam What are you doing with iodine? They always throw in the blood too, which is always a weird one. How about at a certain point, go ahead and toss the shirt, you get enough blood on it, it's called evidence.

1:11:32 Drew You guys call it masculine. What do you guys call it? Masculine?

1:11:34 Adam Oh yeah. For male proteins. In the man show, we had a masculine. They specialize in male protein stains.

1:11:42 Alex Borstein Serial killer products.

1:11:44 Adam Got another male protein stain in my pants.

1:11:46 Drew Jimmy, we'll have to take care of that sweater.

1:11:48 Adam Get the masculine.

1:11:51 Drew I have no opinion about anal bleaching. It's bizarre, I don't know what it is, whatever.

1:11:56 Adam Here's the thing. I imagine it would help if you wanted to find someone's anus in the dark, like.

1:12:03 Drew Maybe they glow in the dark.

1:12:04 Alex Borstein What about the, like using Nair on your butthole? De-

1:12:09 Drew De-pilatory.

1:12:09 Adam De-pilatory.

1:12:11 Drew They do the pulling, the waxing and stuff.

1:12:14 Adam Yeah. As a matter of fact, Ms. Swan really should have opened up one of those pinky cheek type places.

1:12:21 Caller No, no, we used to do, but we had to stop. Two minute trouble. Two minute trouble.

1:12:25 Adam Too much trouble with the bikini wax.

1:12:27 Drew The Brazilian.

1:12:28 Adam Brazilian.

1:12:29 Drew What, because you get excited and you can't-

1:12:31 Caller Yeah, sometimes I like them to scream. I like the pain for the girl who want, who want tidy. I say, why so tidy? You know the jungle is a jungle. You live in a jungle.

1:12:42 Drew In the old country, you would never do that, would you?

1:12:45 Caller Sure.

1:12:46 Adam And it holds scent in, so it's an attractive part to them.

1:12:50 Caller If government did another war, and you had to hide your diamonds or something or bullets, you can put in your bush.

1:12:57 Drew Bullets. Bullets.

1:12:58 Adam That's right.

1:12:59 Caller Yeah.

1:12:59 Adam Big Civil War from Ms. Swann's country. She was a Sandinista. We're going to take a quick break. Drew loves Ms. Swann. We take a quick, I do too. Take a quick break. Alex Borstein here tonight will be right back after this.

1:13:31 Alex Borstein Really great, Grace's poem.

1:13:32 Adam Okay.

1:13:32 Drew Oh, I know what you're talking about, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:13:38 Two, one, go!

1:13:41 Adam Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. Travis is going to be in here along with his wife, Shanna, Shanna. It's spelled S-H-A-N-N-A. She doesn't say Shanna to me. But they're going to be in here tomorrow night from Meek to Barkers.

1:13:55 Alex Borstein I think that's Sahanana.

1:13:57 Adam And MTV. That's Alex Borstein, by the way. She is from The Family Guy in the new episode this Sunday.

1:14:04 Alex Borstein May 1st.

1:14:05 Adam It's coming up in six days.

1:14:09 Alex Borstein Nine o'clock.

1:14:09 Adam And the new CD out tomorrow on Tuesday. So everything's coming up roses for Alex. Alex has to catch.

1:14:15 Alex Borstein Wait, I've always wanted to say this. We cut an album.

1:14:18 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:14:18 Alex Borstein There, I just said it.

1:14:19 Adam There, I cut a fart. Hey. Alex is leaving and going to New York early tomorrow morning to do the Family Guy stage show. So she's going to hang with us for one more and say good night. We will talk to Tim, who's 23, who beats off 20 times a day. Tim?

1:14:41 Caller It varies, but sometimes I can go upwards of more than 20.

1:14:45 Adam More than 20.

1:14:46 Drew Do you hurt yourself when that happens?

1:14:49 Adam No.

1:14:49 Drew You tried that once, you sort of turned inside out.

1:14:51 Adam I did. Well, actually, I started off inside out and I just turned right side in.

1:14:56 Alex Borstein You're an innie now?

1:14:57 Adam It started off as sort of like what the invisible man looks like.

1:15:00 Alex Borstein You gave yourself a sex change accidentally?

1:15:03 Adam No, my organs, my entire body was actually shot through my urethra. I was younger.

1:15:08 Drew His first is powder, then his soul, then his intestine.

1:15:11 Adam I just afraid of you. I just figured once I turn this way, I better stay this way now. I looked like the fly before. It was horrible.

1:15:19 Alex Borstein I wish I could have seen it.

1:15:21 Adam Now it was horrible. The kids made fun of me. Yeah. You think they make fun of someone with a hair lip?

1:15:25 Alex Borstein Hey, I have a question. What's this guy's name?

1:15:27 Adam His name is Tim.

1:15:29 Alex Borstein Tim. Did you come from a very religious upbringing?

1:15:34 Not very, but I went to church every time I was younger.

1:15:38 Adam Sure. Got to gather material.

1:15:39 Alex Borstein I've got a theory about that.

1:15:40 Drew Are you harming yourself with all this?

1:15:43 Adam No, not at all.

1:15:45 Drew All right. So the way you judge whether or not you've got a problem is by the consequences. And if you're spending a lot of money, if you're looking into weird stuff, if you're screwing with relationships, if you don't have time to work, you got a problem.

1:15:56 Adam Well, hold on. If it takes him longer than-

1:15:59 Drew Hold on.

1:15:59 Adam If it takes him longer than 30 seconds to pop, it's going to get into a schedule when it's going to be 30 seconds of death.

1:16:04 Drew It could have been a me day.

1:16:06 Adam It could have been taking a me day. But here's the other thing too, is anything coming out the 23rd time you do it in one day?

1:16:14 Drew That's what I wouldn't think. I think you'd be sort of empty.

1:16:16 Adam Anything coming out?

1:16:18 At the end, no.

1:16:19 Alex Borstein That's what we call a ghost chaser.

1:16:21 I feel like the third time nothing comes out.

1:16:23 Adam Hold on a second everybody with your endless orgasms. For a woman, you can have yourself a multi-orgasm. I'm not going to rub it in your face, but guys, something's got to come out.

1:16:33 Drew In order for it to be an orgasm or? It would be worthwhile.

1:16:36 Adam You can have a little sensation and all that, but you tell me you're pulling, cranking off 20 a day. I'm going to need to see something.

1:16:44 Drew That's a good point. It's hard to imagine that you wouldn't get prostate inflammation or problems, hepatitis from all that action. Even urethritis from all what you'd have to do to yourself to get it to go that many times.

1:16:55 Adam Nothing comes out. How do you know when you're done?

1:16:57 Drew Here's the thing. Experience. It feels like I'm going to look like a man. It feels like an orgy.

1:17:03 Adam I understand that. Hey, Tim. Yeah. Drew's being extraordinarily easy on you. This is at least compulsive.

1:17:12 Drew Yeah, I could dig. Here's the deal. Do you have a sexual trauma history in childhood? Like, do we expose a lot of pornography and stuff when you were little?

1:17:19 Caller No, not more than any other kid, no.

1:17:21 Drew Yeah. What were you exposed to and how old were you?

1:17:23 Adam That's a bogus call.

1:17:25 Like, there's this college guy that lives next door to me when I was like 15.

1:17:28 Caller He was in the corner on the trash and we'd look at the magazines.

1:17:31 Adam All right. Tim, we don't really believe you because you don't really have a question.

1:17:35 Caller Well, I was just wondering if it was weird at all because it doesn't seem normal.

1:17:39 Adam Well, look, ask every single one of your friends that averages five times a week, if you averaging 162 times a week is normal and see what kind of answer you get. You have to get on the horn and stay on hold for 20 minutes, to find out beating off 20 something times a day is a little excessive.

1:17:57 Caller I don't mean by normal, I just mean is there anything to do.

1:18:00 Drew Here's how that happens if in fact it does. Some people, that's their rhythm. More often than not, that's a thing. But more often than not, it's-

1:18:09 Adam No one's rhythm is 20 something times a day.

1:18:11 Drew He's not saying every day, he said he's done it. He's been this person's best.

1:18:14 Adam He has some days that are in the teens.

1:18:15 Drew Yeah.

1:18:16 Alex Borstein Seemed like it would just start to become a chore.

1:18:18 Drew Here's the deal.

1:18:19 Alex Borstein I cannot beat off again.

1:18:21 Drew Here's a bipolar.

1:18:21 Adam Let me tell you something.

1:18:22 Alex Borstein I wish I could go to the movies, guys, but I got to beat off.

1:18:27 Adam After, look, when I start getting into the high teens, it's like the guy who works at the doughnut factory, and then somebody brings a baker's dozen home. It's like, come on, I'll eat it. Don't get me wrong. I'll left that doughnut, but I'm not going to enjoy it.

1:18:43 Drew But here's the deal. A manic phase of a bipolar can get hypersexual like this. People with sexual abuse histories in childhood become hypersexual periodically like this, and maybe not explicit or overt sexual abuse, sometimes people are exposed to lots of pornography and stuff early on.

1:18:58 Adam All right. But let me say what could cure all of this. The Army. You know what I mean? Now, we always talk about these, what people are doing and compulsivity and all this kind of stuff and pathology and everything.

1:19:12 Drew I have psychology. I have friends who say that would cure addiction, too.

1:19:15 Adam Well, here's the thing, a real good schedule is going to help with many early 20 guys. You start getting up at 6 in the morning doing pushups. So tired, you can't keep your eyes open when you come home late that night, you just crash out and start the whole thing again. There'll be no more beating off 20 times a day. This is a guy, pardon the pun, has a lot of time on his hands. And 20-year-old guys have got a lot of time on their hands. They got their schvanz in their hands. That's the next thing that goes in the hand. Time in one hand, nivya in the other.

1:19:46 Alex Borstein I prefer a penis in the hand as opposed to a gun.

1:19:49 Adam Yeah, yeah. Although, I will occasionally use sex as a weapon and try to stab someone with my penis.

1:19:55 Caller Stop using sex.

1:19:56 Alex Borstein I love it. A man who quotes Pat Benatar is a man for me.

1:19:59 Adam Yeah, she asked somebody to stop using sex as a weapon. And then start talking about how hell is for children, Drew. Oh, have you seen me belt that out karaoke night?

1:20:09 Drew Hell is for hell.

1:20:10 Adam Hell is for hell. Hell is for children.

1:20:12 Alex Borstein Make up your mind.

1:20:13 Adam You will cry like a baby if you see me saying hell is for children. It is nothing short of powerful. Caitlin?

1:20:21 Caller Hey.

1:20:21 Adam You have info on anal bleaching?

1:20:25 Caller Well, I think it's anal bleaching.

1:20:28 Alex Borstein What?

1:20:29 Yeah, I saw the commercial tonight actually.

1:20:32 Drew This is swan's clothes.

1:20:34 Adam Yeah. That's how she pronounces it.

1:20:35 Alex Borstein We haven't even heard of this.

1:20:37 Adam Anal bleaching is where the anus actually comes up out of the water.

1:20:40 Drew Comes out first.

1:20:41 Caller Comes out first.

1:20:44 I saw it and I was really confused by it, but I definitely thought she said bleaching.

1:20:48 Adam Drew. Let's hope it's not anal bleaching.

1:20:52 Drew I hope this is true.

1:20:52 Alex Borstein No, no. I have heard of this. It's where a woman gives birth to a male horse, a calf.

1:20:57 Adam Oh, really?

1:20:58 Alex Borstein From her anus. Yes.

1:21:00 Adam Wow.

1:21:00 Alex Borstein Strong woman.

1:21:01 Adam Let's hope it's artificial insemination because otherwise that's just wrong. Or it's Germany. Caitlin, thank you for shedding some light on that.

1:21:10 Drew Do you have another question?

1:21:11 Adam By the way, hold on. Phone screeners. Has information on anal bleaching. She's mispronouncing it. Is there information? Like, I mean, what if we just said, we need some information on psoriasis. And somebody called and says, as information on psoriasis, and says, I think it's called papitis. That's your information? You're mispronouncing what it's, you just mispronounce it?

1:21:37 Alex Borstein It's called papyrus, it's a fruit.

1:21:38 Adam That's your information? That doesn't count as information, does it? You're mispronouncing what we're talking about? Okay, but.

1:21:48 Drew But I mean, there's sort of a.

1:21:50 Adam Okay, there's something quaint about a 17 year old. It's like Cindy Brady.

1:21:55 Well, that wasn't my real, my real question's something different.

1:21:57 Drew Okay. What is it?

1:22:00 Well, okay, so I, my best friend and I have been having this like, secret relationship.

1:22:05 Drew Male or female?

1:22:06 He's a male. And we dated for a while, and then we just decided that we'd be better friends.

1:22:11 Drew Uh-oh, he decided that.

1:22:12 Adam Yeah.

1:22:14 Drew Yeah, basically. Okay, well listen, it's starting to be, be honest with yourself about what really went down. Yeah, you're still having sex, you're still into him, and he wants to have a friendship.

1:22:22 Yeah, so basically I've been giving him everything he wants, like the whole, like.

1:22:25 Drew Right.

1:22:25 Right.

1:22:27 Drew Caitlin, don't do it.

1:22:29 Everything was fine though, like our friendship was the same, but recently like he's been like, we like spent a lot of time like late at night together and then the next day he'll like be a complete asshole to me in front of our friends.

1:22:41 Alex Borstein Oh, God, Caitlin, please tell me you didn't anally breach for him.

1:22:44 Adam Yes, it's brass hole, by the way.

1:22:47 No, I didn't.

1:22:48 Adam Okay. All right. This happens.

1:22:49 Alex Borstein You're still in the driver's seat then.

1:22:51 Adam We hear a hundred of these a night.

1:22:53 Alex Borstein Yeah.

1:22:53 Adam The guys break up, then they, here's the thing. It's really unfair. What they do is they hook up with somebody. They're not really that interested in them. They have sex. The person gets a little clingy. They say, we're too good of friends. This is not going the right way. Let's see if we can just break up. But I still want to keep my penis in you a couple of times a week. The chick is so into them that they'll take any form of relationship.

1:23:16 Alex Borstein And they think they can change.

1:23:17 Drew They buy the BS.

1:23:17 Adam They think they can change.

1:23:18 Drew But then they convince themselves that that's the right thing to do. It's a friendship. We're just friends. You have to actually crack them and go, no, you're in love with this guy. What do you mean, he's your friend?

1:23:25 Adam In their heart of hearts, they do think they can change them. But to the outside world, Or they change themselves. Or maybe to them, they're like, and then they convince themselves that they're progressive and it's 2005 and they can just have a nice sexual relationship with somebody, it's not gonna work. You're in love with the guy.

1:23:40 Drew Does not work.

1:23:41 Adam So break it off.

1:23:41 Drew It's a disaster for her.

1:23:43 Adam Just break it off.

1:23:43 Drew And she'll lose her self-esteem. She loses opportunity to meet guys that really do care about her.

1:23:48 Adam Right.

1:23:48 Drew It's bad.

1:23:48 Adam All right. Let's take ourselves a break. What are you going to say about Alex?

1:23:53 Alex Borstein I'm going to go bye-bye.

1:23:54 Adam Alex is heading straight to the airport. She likes to get her 22 hours before the plane takes off. Alex can be found this Sunday and every Sunday, forever, on Fox at 9 o'clock.

1:24:09 Alex Borstein And check out my fabulous new website, alexborstein.com.

1:24:12 Adam Oh, yeah. Do that, too.

1:24:13 Alex Borstein It's fun. And it's free, kids.

1:24:16 Adam It's fun and it's free. Drew, it's like you.

1:24:18 Drew Fun and free?

1:24:19 Adam Yeah, man.

1:24:21 Alex Borstein It's like Caitlin.

1:24:23 Adam Alex, God bless. Thanks for coming in.

1:24:25 Alex Borstein Thanks for having me.

1:24:26 Adam Best of luck and we'll see you soon and we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:24:32 Caller Thank you for calling Loveline.

1:24:33 Caller Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

1:24:37 Caller Call Loveline.

1:24:38 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:24:47 Drew Hey Anderson, Anderson, Anderson. Yes, sir. Any luck with penis enlargements? Let me ask Brian.

1:24:57 Caller Okay.

1:24:59 Caller Three, two, one, go.

1:25:02 Adam Yeah, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Alex Borstein has left the building. Little more show to go. Let's keep it going with Jason, who's 25, Jason.

1:25:16 Caller Hi.

1:25:17 Adam What's up?

1:25:19 Caller Well, my wife wants to divorce me because I look at Playboy.

1:25:24 Adam Sure, there's more than that.

1:25:25 Drew Yes. What else in the story?

1:25:27 Caller She has bipolar and want to know if maybe she's overreacting and that's part of typical of bipolar.

1:25:36 Drew It's typical of bipolar and common for bipolar to have other conditions like personality disorders.

1:25:41 Adam But be honest, if we spoke to your wife and said, why do you want to divorce Jason, would you just say, well, he looked at a Playboy? I see.

1:25:51 Caller I don't know. There's a missing equation because she's not really naming a hundred things. But the Playboys were an issue and that was basically, we've been married for six months, that's really the only thing that we've argued about.

1:26:06 Drew Well, then there's something far more deeply going on with her, where she can't sustain in a relationship.

1:26:10 Adam Yeah. On the other hand, Drew, if you don't have kids and someone's bipolar and they're talking about divorce, months six. Yeah.

1:26:19 Drew It's going to be a long life otherwise. She what?

1:26:22 Caller She has a daughter.

1:26:23 Drew Yeah.

1:26:23 Adam From a previous relationship?

1:26:26 Caller From a relationship. She's only married one time with me though.

1:26:31 Adam That's what we call old-fashioned, Drew. All right. Look, I don't know all the particulars. Here's what I do know. She's a handful. There's more than this than you just looking at a playboy on the pot, I'm sure. But either way, if it ain't happening and you guys are at the half-year mark.

1:26:52 Drew Six months. That's a disaster.

1:26:54 Adam Yeah. What about getting divorced? Would you care?

1:26:59 Caller Yeah, of course.

1:27:00 Drew You what?

1:27:01 Adam Are you deeply in love with her?

1:27:03 Caller Yeah, I love her.

1:27:05 Adam How about she gets some therapy then for her condition?

1:27:09 Caller She doesn't want it and she's not medicated. And she says that I was withholding information. You know, I didn't go into the marriage telling her about the playboys. You know, I wasn't going to lie about it.

1:27:19 Adam I actually brought pornography to my marriage. What are you talking about?

1:27:22 Drew I saw it there.

1:27:23 Adam You see me dragging that trunk with the triple X on it?

1:27:26 Drew She had to marry that, too.

1:27:28 Adam Well, that's part of me. I know.

1:27:29 Drew I get it.

1:27:30 Adam You know, people do that thing where they go like, look, when you marry me, you also welcome princess in your family. That's my schnauzer. That's my porn. Princess.

1:27:39 Drew Princess my porn.

1:27:40 Adam Yeah. She's a beautiful-

1:27:41 Drew I've seen you petting it.

1:27:43 Adam 7,000 pound beautiful glossy page- Bunker filled with porn. And when you marry me, you marry princess.

1:27:51 Drew Well, Jason, she's untreated bipolar. She sounds like she's getting manic and out of control. God only knows, but people are manic. They're irritable, paranoid, all kinds of crazy symptoms. They can think all kinds of crazy things because they're in an abnormal biological state. How about getting her to some proper care before you-

1:28:04 Adam And by the way, with a manic mom who's unmedicated, as far as the kid goes, better life to just get picked up by giant pelican and raised on the seashore.

1:28:16 Drew You're a pelican.

1:28:17 Adam Rusty.

1:28:18 Drew Rusty, yeah. Rusty did a great job with that kid.

1:28:20 Adam Rusty is, you know what? He thinks he's a person.

1:28:24 Drew Of course.

1:28:25 Adam He thinks he's a person.

1:28:26 Drew You've said that many times about him.

1:28:27 Adam I want a pelican. Can I have a pelican?

1:28:30 Drew I imagine on your island in the Pacific.

1:28:33 Adam Well, no. What about my house? I mean, people have big dogs at Yamp all the time. I can't have a pelican. You know, I would feed it anchovies. I would do that thing where I did those three pier pylons all unevenly spaced and lashed together with rope. And it would just sit out there.

1:28:50 Drew Be cool.

1:28:50 Adam It would be so happy. I would do that wing thing where I thought it was going to fly, but it didn't.

1:28:55 Drew It would be funny too.

1:28:56 Adam Look at Rusty. Swallowing things whole. Every once in a while, he'd swallow something he wasn't supposed to swallow like the mailman or like a small car or something.

1:29:04 Drew You see the mailman going down his throat.

1:29:05 Adam You see the shape of him going down the gullet.

1:29:08 Drew Don't you feel bad though not letting Rusty soar around? They're so beautiful when they soar, those pelicans.

1:29:13 Adam They're majestic birds. Yeah, I'd have them clipped.

1:29:17 Drew All right.

1:29:17 Adam So what's the deal? Jason, she can't treat herself or get treated. You got to get out of there. By the way, if she wants a divorce, I don't know what the threat of you leaving is going to do for her.

1:29:28 Drew Right. At a certain point, people are not at liberty to make decisions for themselves. If they're becoming acutely paranoid, a danger to themselves, others are gravely impaired. So she's heading towards impaired.

1:29:38 Adam Don't marry nut jobs, by the way. All right. I want to go fast. Sorry, Drew, I hit a little close to home there. Let's hurry up with Chris, because there's a stripper hookup question over here.

1:29:47 Drew Chris, what's up?

1:29:48 Adam Well, you just tell him what's up.

1:29:50 Drew Chris, sleeping, 114 minutes.

1:29:52 Adam 114 minutes. Use a spermicide with a boyfriend. This is Chris the chick. Effective, better, worse than a pullout?

1:30:00 Drew Spermicide with a pullout is the way to do it, and it's not a good strategy at all.

1:30:05 Adam It's not.

1:30:05 Drew A spermicide with ejaculation inside is bad times.

1:30:08 Adam Really?

1:30:09 Drew Yeah.

1:30:09 Adam It doesn't do much, yeah. I mean, it's sort of like bug spray. There's still going to be roaches and stuff getting all over the place.

1:30:14 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:30:15 Adam Roaches in the vagina.

1:30:16 Drew Come on, come on, come on. Okay.

1:30:17 Adam Let's talk to Rusty, big friendly pelican. Courtney?

1:30:22 Caller Hi.

1:30:22 Adam You're 20.

1:30:24 Caller Yes.

1:30:24 Adam You were a stripper.

1:30:26 Caller Yes, I was.

1:30:27 Adam Then a hooker.

1:30:29 Caller Yeah. I guess you could say that.

1:30:30 Adam How do you go? Was the hooking done out of the strip club? A lot of guys propositioning you?

1:30:36 Caller Well, actually, can I give you a little preview? Like, just let you know kind of where I'm coming from?

1:30:41 Adam Yeah.

1:30:42 Caller I was like 18 or when I was 15, I was in a long term relationship for four years and I was living with him and I had like a normal boring job. One day, I just decided to become a stripper and it was like out call stripping where we would go to the people's houses. And then I just kicked him out and I started doing that. Then I got arrested and then like a month later, I got arrested again. So then within a day after I was arrested the second time, I moved out of town and I started going on this big time moving spree like where I just moved from town to town to town.

1:31:16 Adam Yeah, that's what I do.

1:31:17 Caller LA area, sorry. And anyways, so then I started stripping in the club and then I started going on some crazy drug use. I got really big into methamphetamines. And then I started to use, I kind of tried heroin a little bit. And this all happened in a year and I met a lot of bad people.

1:31:36 Adam By the way, this is engineer Chris's life exactly. You're describing his life. Just replace all that with one class at junior college and living at home. And you have exactly the same, oh go on his brother's Starbucks, get some free beer.

1:31:49 Drew What's your question?

1:31:50 Adam Yeah.

1:31:51 Caller Well my question is, I just recently moved back home because of the drug use. I'm trying to get sober. I have five days sober. And I just want to know, do I have some sort of post-traumatic stress disorder or will, I've been going to NA, will that even work for me?

1:32:06 Drew Yes, NA is a great idea.

1:32:07 Caller I've been having horrible nightmares.

1:32:09 Drew Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you are going to have.

1:32:11 Caller Really hard.

1:32:12 Drew Yeah, you may be bipolar. You clearly have a lot of trauma stuff going on. That can be sorted. You don't want to get too into that early in recovery because that just tends to fuel your desire to use.

1:32:24 Adam Focus on staying sober at the beginning.

1:32:25 Drew Focus on basics of sobriety, connecting with sober peers, going to NA three times a day, working with your sponsor, doing that step work. This is the basic stuff, the one day at a time part. Because all you're dealing with, all that will get sorted in good time. I do think, though, if you sound a little manic, and you might want to have a psychiatrist see you. Because if you are manic, you will go out, no matter how tightly you are connected to NA.

1:32:48 Adam All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this. All right, guys.

1:32:54 Caller Here's the deal.

1:32:55 Caller Look in the hookup, call the dateline. Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

1:32:58 Caller Call the dateline. One call is all you need to make.

1:33:01 Caller Call the dateline.

1:33:02 Adam This guy was a Simpsons. Magically, the next five things they do, well, they don't turn out very well.

1:33:08 Drew They don't work. There are a couple of guys within it that it does. You still get to keep up the violence. It's like, you know.

1:33:17 Adam That's it. I want to thank Alex Borstein for coming in here from the Family Guy and also Matt TV and our George Clooney movie.

1:33:23 Drew And Ms. Swan, too, for visiting. It was great. Oh, it's great. Yeah, nice to meet you. Very big, big news. I was really entertained by that.

1:33:29 Adam Shane and Travis in here tomorrow night from Meet the Barkers. And until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:33:38 Alex Borstein I wish I could go to the movies, guys, but I got to beat off.

1:33:43 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, April 25, 2005