Episode 1000704087111

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

1:13 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:17 Voiceover With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. And tonight from Fat Actress, Rachel Harris is here. Hello. Good to see you.

1:34 Rachel Harris Nice to see you too.

1:37 Adam Rachel, I don't know why, but I remember her from like a Klondike commercial.

1:42 Rachel Harris Oh, Klondike.

1:43 Adam Well, you were sitting on a park bench. Doing what?

1:47 Rachel Harris Quaker rice snacks. Was it recently?

1:48 Adam Could have been a rice snack commercial.

1:50 Rachel Harris Yes, it was a rice snack.

1:51 Adam You were eating.

1:52 Rachel Harris Yeah.

1:52 Adam You looked like you.

1:54 Rachel Harris Yeah, that's good.

1:56 Adam I took notice of it.

1:57 Rachel Harris That's good, because a lot of times, actors don't look like themselves.

1:59 Adam No, you were you.

2:00 Rachel Harris I can't see you. I'm so short.

2:02 Adam Yeah, I'm me.

2:03 Rachel Harris Yeah, hi.

2:04 Adam Hi. And you're you, and it looked like you. And I even know who you were. I just remember watching this commercial taking note of this person.

2:11 Rachel Harris Yeah, did it make you go for the rice cakes?

2:14 Adam No, I didn't.

2:14 Rachel Harris Because you seem like such a rice cake kind of guy.

2:16 Adam I didn't, but I said I got to keep my eye on this one. Nice. Yeah. And I don't say that too often. I did say it about the die tech guy. And we've all seen things have worked out for him.

2:26 Rachel Harris It's a nice subtle work.

2:27 Adam Well, he's doing multiple roles now. He's playing his mother.

2:32 Rachel Harris Did you see it? He was on Arrested Development. Yeah, they had him in the boardroom. It was very funny.

2:38 I'm a fan.

2:40 Adam We got to get him on.

2:41 Perfect.

2:41 Drew Yeah, why not? Get on that.

2:43 Adam And and then I saw Rachel Corson, a fat actress and also Daddy Daycare and many, many other movies. But I took a I took note. I don't know why I was tossed out of the Groundlings. No, that's the I took note, though, and I said, Rachel, was or is a groundling. It just. Oh, really? And then I started. And then it just took note. And then I looked down here. It says a groundlings main company member. And then I thought, well, maybe I knew her from over there or maybe I saw her over there. But I don't think so.

3:18 Rachel Harris Yeah. Did we have it? I don't know. Were you but you were in the were you in the center company or now?

3:24 Adam I just went all the way through to the advanced program and then they booted me out. And that must have been in like, oh, oh, no. That was like 89 or so. So we'll miss each other.

3:35 Rachel Harris Now, I was still in Ohio going to college.

3:38 Adam You're mid-ground, you're mid-year groundling person.

3:41 Rachel Harris Yeah.

3:41 Adam I don't know why.

3:41 Rachel Harris Well, they missed out. Clearly, you've suffered for it.

3:45 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah, they missed out after the... I'm still not done making them pay, by the way.

3:52 Drew I noticed that.

3:52 Adam Just like all of them.

3:53 Drew You throw them in with your parents, your high school teachers, coaches.

3:57 Rachel Harris A lot of people have a lot of baggage from the groundlings.

3:59 Adam All who said nay will pay. Oh, that's what my license plate frame says. That'd be a good license plate frame. Forget about the world's greatest grandma. Just how about some sort of scary cryptic message?

4:10 Drew You said nay, I say pay.

4:12 Adam Yeah. Fat Actress is Sunday nights on Showtime 10 o'clock.

4:18 Rachel Harris Yeah, it's on right now. I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry. I interrupted you.

4:21 Adam Oh, I said Monday nights. How much of it is scripted? Because I've watched the show, I've watched probably, well, let's see, five, four? How many episodes there? Five?

4:31 Rachel Harris We did seven. And actually tonight's the season finale. So it's on right now. It's on right now. And it's also, and then they replay it at 11. You know, it's, they keep doing it over and over again.

4:41 Adam How much, it's hard to tell when you're watching it. It's clear that everyone is sort of a good improvisational actor. And it's supposed to be, you know, and I guess you shouldn't see when it's scripted or nonscripted or whatever, but how much of it is scripted?

4:56 Rachel Harris Well, it's a lot like Curb, as far as there's a pretty detailed outline. And so we're given...

5:03 Adam Curb is what cool people call Curb Your Enthusiasm. Because we got a lot of listeners in the Midwest who aren't sure what Curb is.

5:11 Rachel Harris Yeah. Well, Curb Your Enthusiasm.

5:12 Adam Right.

5:12 Rachel Harris It's a lot like that, where it's scripted. There's a really, like, a strong outline for it. And then, like, we know where we're, like, we're given a scene, and let's say we know that at the end of it, we have to say, go get your things, because we're going to go meet a guy that you can date. So we'll know that, like, the dialogue will be improvised, but the basic script, like, we'll know where we're going in it. And there's a couple of key lines in there for sure that we have to say in order to move the story along.

5:38 Adam It's, I believe, the best way to do it. You never catch anyone acting. You don't have any precocious kids saying where's the beef or any of that stuff. And I mean, if you're trying to mirror life and there's no teleprompters in life, then wouldn't this just be the way to do it? I mean, it's sort of like saying, if you're shooting a western, instead of building an elaborate mechanical horse, how about we just get on real horses and what could look more realistic than that? What could be more realistic than dialogue?

6:09 Drew One time theater was not supposed to be a precise representation of reality.

6:12 Adam Drew makes a valid point in his first of the year. Thank you.

6:14 Rachel Harris Yeah, it's more of a commentary.

6:17 Drew It was supposed to be literature, really.

6:18 Adam It's just literature brought to life.

6:20 Rachel Harris Honestly, but you have to understand that a lot of our dialogue, though, is truly like literature. It's awful.

6:25 Drew I'm sure if you guys are iterating, of course, it must be.

6:27 Rachel Harris Yeah, no. But it is great. Like it's one of those things, too, where you really don't feel like you're acting. It's much easier to be in the scene for me.

6:36 Adam And you don't have to stay up all night with the script and everything, right?

6:39 Rachel Harris Honestly, that's the best part of the job, is that we're not. I'm never worried that I'm offending some writer because I didn't deliver a joke properly. Or, yeah, I mean, like, you know, it's not like, you know, any other sitcom where you're like, I'm running lines with my husband doing it over and over again.

6:55 Adam I don't, what'd you have to bring him up? What's up? We had such a groove going.

7:03 Rachel Harris I can ask him to leave. He's in the game.

7:05 Adam Oh, she dropped an H-bomb on me with the husband. And by the way, I know enough about psychology to know that that is intentional, whether you know it or not. You know what I'm saying, Drew?

7:16 Drew And just the fact that you're reaching over the table at her. I don't know why she would drop that.

7:21 Adam She's a skilled improvisational actress. You know, that's a turn on to me, Drew.

7:25 Drew I know that.

7:26 Adam And also like glasses.

7:28 Drew It's true, especially the porn. I'm talking about you. Oh, me. I beg your pardon.

7:31 Adam Porn doctor.

7:32 Rachel Harris That's funny. Kirstie would always, Kirstie Alley, since we have no viewers in the Midwest. She would always say that. She said, you sort of have that, you know, that porn teacher.

7:43 Adam When you have an attractive blonde and she wears the glasses, it's a good way to go. I see women make the mistake, I do believe, of going the wrong direction. They go the Pam Anderson direction.

7:56 Drew That's criticizing.

7:58 Adam Yeah. For most guys, we would rather see, here's what we'd like. We'd like to see the beautiful Italian sports car in a moderate color rather than a bright red, screaming, candy apple red version of that car. We want the toned down version of the beautiful lines and the beautiful design.

8:21 Drew Especially rather than a Toyota Corolla with a bunch of fins and things on it.

8:25 Adam That's right.

8:26 Rachel Harris When you've pimped out your Toyota Corolla.

8:28 Adam Unless you're drunk and you just want a big Mexican light, which is the car, the female version of what you're talking about.

8:35 Rachel Harris That's right.

8:36 Adam Tricked out van, rainbow tape, lepron on the side.

8:39 Drew White tiger.

8:40 Adam Kragers. Raised white letters.

8:43 Rachel Harris Yeah.

8:43 Adam Captain's chairs.

8:45 Rachel Harris I always love like the Honda. You know, like the Honda Civic that's tricked out and then it's got the rims on it. Like those.

8:51 Adam That keep spinning?

8:51 Rachel Harris Yeah. Oh yeah.

8:52 Adam It's a good look.

8:53 Rachel Harris It's just sort of, it's insane.

8:55 Adam That I feel sorry. You know what I feel sorry for?

8:57 Rachel Harris What?

8:58 Adam As a white guy, we have nothing to prove with our automobiles. Hey, if we come up with something great, fantastic. But you're a young brother, man. You got to come up with something cool. So even if you can't afford it, and even if all you got is an 89 Honda Civic, that's great. If your grandmother left you, you got to put the 22 inch triple chrome rims on it. It's you just have to. It's sort of the same way with the costume jewelry. Like you have to get a fake Rolex. You can't just wear a Timex. You're screwed. You know what I mean? Whereas as white people, it's our obligation to dress like we have less money. So we just go over to the Banana Republic or Old Navy. And you make a million dollars a year. You pay $14 for some cargo shorts and some flip flops. See what I'm saying? Better to go that way than put the big rims.

9:45 Drew And then now we're back to the teacher, the porn teacher, which is an understated version.

9:49 Adam Understated look.

9:49 Drew Something underneath that's lurking.

9:51 Adam Yeah.

9:51 Rachel Harris Exactly.

9:52 Adam We would like, yes, we would like, you know, we like scratch-ems. You know what I mean? We want to scratch them.

9:59 Rachel Harris Is it like a scratch and sniff?

9:59 Adam Yeah, we want, no.

10:00 Drew No, no, it's like the lottery.

10:01 Adam The lottery.

10:02 Rachel Harris Oh, I see.

10:03 Drew Yeah, do you scratch them?

10:04 Rachel Harris Oh, I get it.

10:05 Adam I want to get my quarter out and find out what's underneath that gray paste.

10:08 Rachel Harris Yeah, a lot of crazy, Adam.

10:10 Yeah, well, he knows that.

10:11 Drew He knows that.

10:13 Adam That's my point.

10:13 Drew Browlings. It's a weird score up.

10:15 Adam Don't worry.

10:16 Rachel Harris Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

10:17 Adam That rice cakes commercial.

10:19 Rachel Harris I did scream dysfunction.

10:21 Adam Oh, but yet there was an underlying, latent sort of seething sexuality that came through very clearly. Quaker Oats, guys know what they're talking about.

10:32 Rachel Harris Oh, yeah.

10:33 Drew I call them Quakers.

10:34 All right.

10:35 Drew Here we go.

10:36 Adam All right. We're taking some calls.

10:37 Drew Let's do it.

10:37 Adam Sarah.

10:38 Yes.

10:39 Adam You're 19.

10:40 Drew Do you know why they call them Quakers?

10:42 Huh?

10:43 Drew Hang on a second, Sarah.

10:44 Adam Well, I think I do because of in religious ceremonies, they would have these outer body experiences.

10:50 Drew Right. They quake. They have the ecstasy and they quake. What do you call it?

10:54 Rachel Harris I don't think that's true.

10:57 Drew That's why they're called Quakers. It was a sort of a...

10:59 Adam Smoking and tongue?

11:00 Rachel Harris Because they quaked?

11:02 Drew They would seize and go nuts.

11:03 Adam Oh, my Lord.

11:04 Drew They have rapture.

11:05 Adam Isn't it derogatory, like a crowd or something?

11:07 Drew It was mildly derogatory, but it stuck eventually.

11:10 Rachel Harris Wow. I'm surprised they aren't like the hysterics.

11:12 Adam And they're shakers, too. They're Quakers. They're shakers. The shakers just... They just shake, too? Look up shaker.

11:22 Rachel Harris Aren't there shakers in, like, Shaker Heights? Quakers and Shakers.

11:25 Adam Yeah, there's Quakers and they're Shakers.

11:27 Drew Sarah, what's up?

11:28 Adam Sarah?

11:29 Yes.

11:30 Adam You're 19?

11:31 Caller Yeah. I had a question. This is going to sound really crazy. I, like, took my nose and put it over my boyfriend's penis and I blew air into it, and I wasn't expecting that to happen. I was, like, expecting, like, a farting noise. We were just being really stupid, and I was wondering if that would, like, cause any type of problem for him.

11:51 Drew I'm just trying to... Just before I go on to the medical consequences of air emboli and the urethra, I'm just trying to set the scene. How did that go down?

11:59 Adam Put the, put his urethra in your nostril?

12:02 Drew She just sort of tucked the hosed up, you know? Took the hosed up to the spigot and blew.

12:08 Adam Yeah.

12:08 Drew Just to be silly.

12:10 Adam Yeah.

12:10 Drew Let's do something silly, Adam. How about I take your urethra and cut it out?

12:13 Rachel Harris Were they in drugs? Were you using anything?

12:17 Caller What do you mean?

12:18 Rachel Harris Like, were you using any drugs, or had you been drinking?

12:21 Caller No.

12:22 Caller Or just a bunch of retards. We don't...

12:25 Drew Well done. Well said.

12:27 Adam But look, here's the thing too, unless you're with Esther Roll, who played, I think, Florida from Good Times, you don't want to fit anything up anyone's nose.

12:36 Drew I mean, that's a bad sign.

12:37 Adam If you can get your penis up someone's nose...

12:40 Drew No, she just said the urethra. Maybe it's the exact fit.

12:42 Adam Okay.

12:43 Rachel Harris Like that little hole.

12:44 Adam The hole that you pee out of. Did you pinch off the other nostrils so you wouldn't lose pressure?

12:51 Rachel Harris Did he enjoy it?

12:52 Drew Didn't the penis fly out of the said nostril? Or you held it in there? You held it against your nostril?

13:00 Caller Yeah.

13:01 Rachel Harris I immediately started to do it.

13:02 Drew I know you did.

13:03 Adam Me too. Was he erect?

13:09 Caller Yes, he was.

13:10 Adam Oh, he was?

13:11 Caller Yeah.

13:11 Rachel Harris For how long after that?

13:14 Caller I really can't recall.

13:15 Adam What stage of the lovemaking were you at?

13:18 Drew I'm trying to set the scene.

13:19 Adam I'm trying to figure it out. Yeah. Where were you?

13:21 Caller I think it was probably afterwards.

13:25 Drew Okay. Sarah, yeah, here's the deal. Bogus.

13:30 Adam You don't believe it.

13:30 Caller No, I'm serious. It's not bogus. I'm so afraid you were going to say that.

13:33 Adam All right. Hold on a second.

13:35 Drew I thank you.

13:35 Rachel Harris I can't really remember.

13:36 Drew The guy would have residual at that point. It would not be a pretty thing.

13:40 Adam Well, wait a minute. Let me say this. This is not bogus in the sense that she completely fabricated it. It's bogus in the sense that she knows there's no answer, no danger. That's the part I'm saying is bogus.

13:52 Drew You would remember exactly what you were doing and when you did this. It would not be like, I think we just finished having sex. He was still erect.

13:59 Caller What?

13:59 Drew No way.

14:00 Adam Wait a second. No, Sarah?

14:02 Caller Yes.

14:03 Adam Is this bogus?

14:04 Caller No, I swear it's not.

14:06 Drew Why can't you remember when you did it?

14:07 Adam She does.

14:09 Drew When did you do it?

14:11 Caller Like about two days ago.

14:14 Drew And what were you doing at the time? See?

14:17 Adam I know. I believe her. You just finished your beautiful lovemaking.

14:21 Drew Yeah.

14:21 Caller It was about a few minutes after. And he gets erect on and off. It's really weird. But I swear this is not bogus.

14:27 Adam I believe you, sweetie.

14:29 Drew It's not bogus.

14:30 Adam I want to believe you. No, I believe her. But the bogus part is she doesn't really need an answer. She's just screwing around.

14:36 Rachel Harris More just to tell the story. Yeah.

14:37 Adam She's just telling the story.

14:38 Rachel Harris So there's a nonsense quality to it. I have to say kudos for the story because I've never heard of it. It is a new one.

14:45 Drew It's a good one. Why do you just use your mouth? Go ahead and just blow it up like a balloon.

14:52 Caller Excuse me. I can't hear my phone. Really?

14:54 Adam That's fine. No, no. She did it for 10 seconds and thought she'd call and screw around.

14:59 Drew Well, here's the thing. If she really gets the air in there, it would hurt like hell.

15:02 Adam Really?

15:03 Rachel Harris That's why I was going to say he would lose his direction.

15:04 Drew Because you're blowing bacteria and it would hurt. Yeah, it would hurt.

15:07 Adam Why does it hurt? Is it the pressure part?

15:09 Drew It's pressure. It's... Things don't usually go in that direction.

15:13 Adam Right.

15:14 Drew It's a sensitive area.

15:15 Adam I'm hip to that, but you can sort of blow air in your mouth.

15:18 Rachel Harris Totally hip to that.

15:19 Drew But it's irritating. You blow it inside your body. It's an irritant.

15:23 Adam I'm saying...

15:23 Drew And you're blowing bacteria and things in with it.

15:26 Rachel Harris Okay.

15:26 Adam But it's the pressure. It's mainly the pressure.

15:28 Hey, on a related note, I had a girl one time, she held my nose closed and blew really hard into my mouth and air came out of my tear ducts.

15:36 Drew Yes, that can happen.

15:38 Rachel Harris Did that, didn't that hurt?

15:39 Adam By the way, that was not air, that was crack smoke.

15:41 Drew I was going to say, were you just completely on acid at the time?

15:45 Rachel Harris Who's talking right now?

15:46 Drew It's our engineer.

15:46 Rachel Harris Oh, okay.

15:48 Drew Hi.

15:48 Hello.

15:49 Adam Hi. Quiet Anderson.

15:51 She's hot.

15:52 Adam Yeah, she is. Too bad you'll never see her.

15:55 Rachel Harris Sweet.

15:56 Adam We'll... Let's keep going, Drew.

15:58 Drew Yeah, let's go five. Five?

16:00 Adam Let's talk to Cherish.

16:03 Yeah.

16:04 Adam You're 18?

16:05 Caller Yeah.

16:06 Adam Oh, that is an obnoxious name.

16:08 Rachel Harris Cherish. I think.

16:09 Adam You should hate your pretty little name.

16:10 Rachel Harris It's a great name, Cherish.

16:11 Drew But it's much greater than sunshine and autumn and season.

16:15 Adam It's obnoxious.

16:15 Drew Starburst.

16:16 Adam It's obnoxious.

16:17 Rachel Harris And Beth.

16:18 Adam Just change it to Cheri, all right?

16:20 Caller Okay.

16:21 Adam All right. What's up?

16:22 Caller Okay. I have a question for you. I can only orgasm when I'm on top, and I was wondering if there's a reason why that is.

16:32 Drew Well... It's like asking why can't I orgasm, or why do I have an orgasm only during oral sex? That's just how you're set up. And women tend to be very, very different from one another.

16:42 Caller There's nothing I can do to like change that.

16:45 Drew Well, you may be able to sort of broaden your horizons a little bit. The fact that you can have an orgasm with intercourse puts you in a rather unique camp. Yeah. You're an elite. You're an elite cataclysm.

16:54 Adam You're in the orgasm delta force.

16:55 Drew Right.

16:57 Adam Special orgasm ops.

16:59 Rachel Harris But I find it fascinating that she feels like that's a bad thing.

17:02 Drew It's inadequate.

17:03 Rachel Harris That's some sort of thing. I guess it's just because you're 18.

17:06 Drew But this is the thing about women in general. They each of them have their own little version of this and don't discuss it with their peers and feel they're inadequate because they don't measure up to some 17 year old male version. What's the matter?

17:17 Rachel Harris Right. No, I can relate to that. Because when I was 18, too, I felt like I was the only person that couldn't orgasm with intercourse. Serious. Yeah, exactly.

17:24 Adam Oh, see, if you'd known me, you'd feel much better. I've never been in an issue to everyone I've ever been with.

17:30 Rachel Harris No, but I think girls don't talk about that stuff.

17:32 Drew They do not. Because they feel flawed because the press, the sort of Cosmo Red Book world, is geared up to measure up to a 17 year old male.

17:40 Rachel Harris Exactly.

17:41 Drew Not a female.

17:42 Rachel Harris But there's other things that you can do, Cherish, right? I mean, like, just because that's the only way that you can do it on top, there's other things you can do.

17:50 Adam But to me, this is like somebody calling and saying, I got a real problem. I can only Porter House stay.

17:57 Drew I can only four Mercedes.

17:59 Adam I can only drive a Mercedes. I can't drive a Ferrari. Cry me a river, baby.

18:03 Rachel Harris But she's 18. She really does think that she's having a problem, though.

18:07 Drew That's unusual, especially at 18.

18:08 Adam She just wants, I don't think she thinks she's having a problem. I think she would like to keep going.

18:14 Rachel Harris She would like more. All right. So she's a whore.

18:16 Drew No, no, we're not saying that. I'm definitely not saying that.

18:19 Rachel Harris I was a joke cherish.

18:20 Adam You need to cherish your orgasm, sweetie, because there's hundreds, maybe millions of women out there who go without, every night, they go to bed without an orgasm.

18:29 Drew Can't measure up to your standard.

18:30 Adam They go to bed hungry for an orgasm while you're full.

18:33 Drew You're not complaining. You just want to know, can it be broadened out? It will broaden out. As you get older too, your biology shifts around a little bit and then things will get easier as you get older.

18:40 Adam Yeah. You know, I've really given it some consideration in more reflective times.

18:49 Rachel Harris We should play like soft music now, like inspirational music.

18:53 Adam Well, it may happen because you asked for it. If you were going to ask for it, we wouldn't get it.

18:58 Drew Coming from Rachel, of course.

18:59 Adam Yeah, right? Hey, your beloved Rachel asked for soft music.

19:03 Rachel Harris Oh, here we go, here we go.

19:06 Adam He always plays this classical music which isn't right for the inspiration.

19:10 Drew It's a waltz. It's a waltz of the dance.

19:13 Adam Right. That's better.

19:17 Rachel Harris That's scary.

19:17 Adam Don't you have any sappy sort of hall, hallmark moment music?

19:21 Rachel Harris Like soap opera music.

19:23 Adam Nothing just sort of PSA, schmaltzy, after school special.

19:27 Drew That's what they need to do on Dead and Live, something, thoughts, serious thoughts or something.

19:31 Rachel Harris That's right, deep thoughts.

19:32 Drew Deep thoughts.

19:32 Adam Yeah, it's just something.

19:37 Drew That's good. I like that. I need to get as close as I can. Go ahead, quiet.

19:39 Go ahead, go ahead.

19:41 Adam This is salsa music. No, no, I'll not share with this as my background music.

19:48 Caller I'd rather have nothing.

19:50 Drew All right, all right. But let's just take that in for a minute.

19:52 Adam I'm starting to really wonder if I just get hooked up with women that don't have the orgasm via intercourse or I rob them of it.

20:02 Drew You suck them out of intercourse, of orgasm.

20:05 Adam I just lay my hand upon you. I could be in a crowded mall, just touch women as they pass by. They would like the Pope.

20:12 Rachel Harris And they would lose their ability to orgasm.

20:14 Adam Yeah.

20:14 Rachel Harris Is that?

20:16 Adam I think.

20:16 Rachel Harris Oh, you're like an orgasm smuggler.

20:19 Adam I could reach Rachel from here.

20:20 Drew Instead of the Quaker, he's a taker.

20:22 Adam I'm a taker.

20:23 Drew He's the takers. And he just takes orgasms right away from women. They might have been multi-orgasmic when they arrived. Takes that away.

20:29 Adam Right. I'm a taker.

20:30 Rachel Harris You're a vag deadener.

20:34 Adam Drew, yes.

20:34 Drew Drew's been dead for years.

20:35 Adam Drew's what we call a decorator. He's a little bit different. Drew's in the decorating. Does you know what I'm talking about? Does you don't get on the internet? Anderson, you finally think about shaker? I gotta get a salt shaker?

20:51 Rachel Harris Some stuff, but I'm still looking.

20:53 Drew Religious, religious shakers, religious sect.

20:58 Adam I know that my favorite part about engineer Chris is when I have to wake him up and tell him, what do you got, Lycus coming through those headphones? You're listening to like a Berlitz tape. What is going through the headphones? Let me explain one of the advantages of headphones. You actually could turn your back. They're cans, man. They're cans. Oh, the cans. Yes, I'm sorry.

21:17 Rachel Harris I beg your pardon.

21:17 Adam You could actually turn your back to the action and still hear everything that's going on.

21:22 Drew He wouldn't dare to do that. He keeps his face or focus right on us.

21:26 Adam I think that's what's distracting him. Here we go.

21:28 Drew We gotta take a break.

21:29 Adam I know.

21:30 Drew You're gonna behave from now on.

21:31 Adam What's the deal with abortion pill? Still a virgin? Will future girlfriends be weirded out by it? Let me just talk to Dylan real fast, dude. Dylan?

21:41 Caller Yo.

21:42 Adam 25?

21:43 Caller Yeah. How's it going, guy?

21:47 Adam You don't sound like a virgin to me.

21:48 Caller My question or whatever is, hey, is that Geordie guy still on? What's going on?

21:54 Adam Hold on, hold on. Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan. Oh my. You're not a virgin.

22:00 Caller Yeah, I am.

22:01 Adam No, you're not. You're high as a kite, but you're not a virgin. You're high, but you're not a virgin.

22:07 Caller No, I'm not high.

22:08 Adam You're not?

22:09 Caller I'm actually reading a book.

22:11 Adam Oh yeah, you can never do that high.

22:13 Caller What book? Oh, it's the Green Lantern. You guys ever heard of the Green Lantern?

22:19 Adam Yeah, we have.

22:20 Caller Okay.

22:20 Adam Yeah. By the way, you better pray you're high. If you're 25, you're sitting home in Milwaukee at two in the morning.

22:27 Drew Reading the Green Lantern.

22:28 Adam Reading the Green Lantern. The book version of the Green Lantern. I didn't know it's a comic book.

22:34 Drew I think there's a different, the Green Lantern was a-

22:36 Adam That's a different one? It's not the comic book?

22:37 Drew No, it's not the Spider-Man thing.

22:39 Adam No. All right. Well, what is it? Is it something good and heady?

22:43 Caller It's all right. He's battling Sinistro.

22:50 Rachel Harris That's a big word for me.

22:51 Adam I don't know. I don't know what it is yet.

22:52 Drew Adam, remember I want to take a break a minute and a half ago?

22:54 Adam Yeah.

22:54 Drew Don't you wish you had now?

22:55 Adam I kind of do, but now we're in too deep.

22:57 Caller So I had a question. Sorry about that. And would it be weird if I had a girlfriend and I approach someone and we're dating and the subject of sex comes up? And then, you know, I'm like, well, you know, I've never, you know, I've never had.

23:14 Drew How would a girl react to that, Rachel?

23:18 Rachel Harris If he's 25 and he says that he's never had sex before?

23:20 Drew And to a girlfriend or an evolving relationship, how would a woman react to that?

23:24 Rachel Harris I think, you know, you would kind of take pause to that. But if you liked you, you know, like if I had gotten to know you a little bit, I'd want to know.

23:32 Drew Would you think that was cool? Or would you think, oh, what's wrong with this guy?

23:34 Rachel Harris I don't know. I don't think, I think at first glance, I, that'd be too soon to judge. I'd have to find out maybe why.

23:40 Adam You'd be worried.

23:41 Rachel Harris I'd be a little bit concerned, and I'd want to know perhaps, was this a religious reason? Was it that you were, maybe something went down with him when he was young that's given him reasons not to do that?

23:52 Adam If you heard a guy coming at you at 19 or 20, was a virgin, I think you'd be all right with it at 25.

23:57 Rachel Harris You'd kind of find it endearing.

23:58 Drew I think some girls would think it was cool and endearing. You're too thoughtful in asking the right questions. But even you are sort of OK with it.

24:06 Rachel Harris You know, I think if the right answers were given...

24:11 Drew He was sexually abused by his grandmother and he was a staunch Zora Astrian.

24:16 Rachel Harris And that's great if he's had therapy and he's worked through that.

24:19 Drew Therapy is for losers.

24:21 Rachel Harris Yeah, then bye-bye.

24:22 Adam All right, let's take ourselves a little break. Rachel Harris is here tonight from Fat Actress, Monday nights at 10 o'clock on Showtime. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

24:40 40 games in one and only, live 105. Hey, everybody.

24:59 Caller We Love Line.

25:00 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Rachel Harris is here tonight. She is the second woman on Fat Actress Showtime, 10 o'clock, Monday Nights. Does a fantastic job on the show. It's her improvisational training that helps her out.

25:16 Rachel Harris You're a doll.

25:17 Adam Kicking ass. Before the night is over, we'll do a not only that, but a yes and. I'll bring something to the party.

25:27 Drew I'll pick the place and this premise.

25:30 Rachel Harris That's good.

25:30 Caller You pick a location.

25:31 Rachel Harris You pick out the who, what and where.

25:33 Caller Huh?

25:35 Rachel Harris Add in for lineup, Adam. How about that? Set scare you to death.

25:39 Adam Yeah, we might even do that machine where we keep adding moving parts on the machine. No dialogue.

25:44 Rachel Harris That's good times.

25:46 Adam All great improv drills. You know, it's awesome. I was talking to a guy once who was in a group, an improv troupe called the Frayed Nuts. And you may remember them.

25:59 Rachel Harris Also around F troupe.

26:01 Rachel Harris No, unfortunately, I haven't graced the stage of seeing them.

26:05 Adam They, he was telling me a story about going and like going on the road and opening for bands, you know, the troupe.

26:12 Rachel Harris The Frayed Nuts.

26:13 Adam Yeah. And he said one time he was down at the Coach House in the Frayed Nuts.

26:19 Rachel Harris In San Juan Capistrano.

26:20 Adam Yeah. And they were opening for like some old rock legend like Robin Trower or yeah. I think yeah. There was like Robin Trower or somebody, somebody like that.

26:30 Rachel Harris Nothing is better for opening rock band.

26:33 Adam Oh, burnt out rock guitar guys.

26:35 Rachel Harris Improv.

26:36 Adam Love.

26:37 Caller Yeah.

26:37 Adam They're opening for like Steve Vai or something. And Jeff Backer or something. And you know, they love improv. And so the guy got out there and it's like, OK, I'm going to need a location.

26:50 Caller Your mom's coos.

26:52 Adam I heard I heard airport.

26:54 Caller I heard airport first.

26:56 Adam Going with airport.

26:57 Rachel Harris Awesome.

26:58 Adam The only thing worse than doing. And I don't know why they try to stuff comedy into places where it doesn't really need it. What is that impulse?

27:06 Rachel Harris I don't know. But like I remember we had to do these things called, you know, we do industrials. The Groundlings will go out and do parties.

27:12 Adam Yes.

27:13 Rachel Harris You know, a little bits for different shows. And there was this nail company that does, you know, that specializes in nail like that. Yeah. Well, like just nail colors and things like that. And we had to go up to the Bel Air Hotel and do characters for like that, that they were based on the company.

27:33 Adam Oh, yeah.

27:34 Rachel Harris And then we also had to like mix in some improv. And it was horrifyingly awful.

27:40 Adam It's always.

27:41 Rachel Harris And mortifying. And the people like we, you know, were supposed to do impersonations of some of these people and write up these ridiculous backstories. And, you know, and we're kind of dark. You know, we come from like a, you know, sort of a dark place saying that someone's been married six times and had three children and were questionable about what race, you know, all these awful things. And we thought we're hilarious. And it just was crickets. And so not the right forum. You know, they really just sort of stared at us.

28:07 Adam Somebody always thinks it's a great idea at any corporate retreat or any concert or anything just to take some comedy and just wedge it up the ass of people who clearly aren't there for it. If they're there to laugh, that's one thing. You just stuffing somebody into it. I'd rather have a guy, I'd rather just see a guy ride the unicycle and juggle for five minutes.

28:26 Drew Juggling would be much better. Juggling.

28:28 Rachel Harris But I have to say, in fairness, sometimes it is like if it's the right group, you know, if they have a sense of humor, it's all right.

28:34 Adam Tell that to the Frayed Nuts.

28:36 Drew Frayed Nuts.

28:37 Adam Nuts.

28:38 Drew Nuts.

28:38 Adam Nuts. Nalu. Nalu.

28:40 Rachel Harris 21.

28:42 Adam Nalu.

28:43 Drew Nalu.

28:43 Rachel Harris Oh, Nalu.

28:44 Adam Nalu. I'm angry. All right, what's up?

28:47 Rachel Harris I'm 21 years old. I've been dancing since I was 18.

28:52 Drew Oh, he's not angry anymore.

28:54 Adam Not that kind of, not that Ellen lesbian type dancing. You mean like dancing with your clothes off, right?

29:01 Rachel Harris My God.

29:02 Adam I'm just grooving in an audience.

29:04 Rachel Harris Professional mooning.

29:06 Adam Yeah, all right. And what do you do? Do you get totally naked?

29:09 Rachel Harris I get fully naked. I work at a 18 and over club in San Diego, which means no alcohol. You can get fully naked.

29:18 Rachel Harris All right.

29:19 Adam And am I right that if you go topless, then you can serve beer or alcohol? But you can't the yeah.

29:28 Drew Is this just California?

29:29 Adam I think it's a California thing where they can't mix the total nudity with the hard liquor or even the beer. So you got some runaway chick who was molested when she was nine, dancing, totally naked. You're sitting there drinking a orange crush.

29:43 Drew Makes perfect sense.

29:43 Adam It's perfect sense. You're 45 and you're just drinking a Mr. Pib.

29:49 Rachel Harris Or Fresca.

29:50 Adam Yeah, you're drinking a Fresca and you got to smuggle a flask in. Not that I know anything about that. Nailu, Nailu, Nailu.

29:57 Drew What is your question?

29:59 Rachel Harris My question is that I've tried to quit dancing many, many times before. And I keep going back to it and moving back to my hometown and moving back down to San Diego. And I've had this boyfriend for about nine months now. And I'm just completely horrible to him. And I can't, I can't steer myself away from that.

30:18 Adam Let's delve into the past. And first, let me just say, I don't blame you, because for me, dancing is the only time I feel free. You know what I'm saying?

30:26 Drew What do you mean you're horrible to him? What do you do?

30:28 Rachel Harris I'm just mean. I say awful things that I don't mean night after night. And the end result is me breaking down, like hysterically crying. And I don't know why. I don't know what's wrong.

30:39 Drew Well, undoubtedly what somebody did to you.

30:41 Adam Where's your dad?

30:42 Rachel Harris Yeah. My biological father.

30:45 Drew Yes, that one.

30:46 Rachel Harris I'm assuming he's in jail. I just looked up his criminal registry and there's some pretty nasty things on there. It includes like sodomy, rape, kidnapping.

30:55 Drew Well, maybe some of that was sort of sprinkled upon your young life.

30:59 Rachel Harris Maybe. He was only there till I was two, so I have no recollection of him.

31:03 Drew Here's the deal that people don't appreciate in our country for some reason. The earlier, the more profound the effect. Yeah. The earlier, there is something about the human being that the early experiences have a disproportionate effect on all else that follows. Therefore, the earlier, the more intense.

31:20 Adam Well, I mean, here's what life is for most everyone who calls a show. All the damage done before age five, and then you spend the rest of your life trying to pull some dent out that was caused in 1982.

31:32 Drew Yeah.

31:33 Adam And it never quite gets fixed. I mean, I don't know what the ratio is, but it's not a good one. It's like one bad year before five equals ten years of therapy, and that's just to sort of walk with a limp.

31:45 Drew Right. That's just to be able to be a human.

31:47 Adam And it depends what went on before. I mean, if it was just pure rape or incest or whatever, you may never be right.

31:55 Drew So it leaves, even if you don't have an explicit recollection of the circumstance, it leaves an imprint on your brain development, makes it difficult to regulate your feelings, make it difficult to be close to other people. You feel sort of overwhelmed and out of control.

32:08 Rachel Harris Isn't that sort of just an excuse?

32:11 Drew Yeah, it's an excuse, it's an explanation for why your brain works the way it does.

32:15 Rachel Harris And why you also.

32:16 Drew It's a brain-wiring issue, Nalo, it's not an excuse, it's how your brain is configured. And unless you do something to change, Nalo, unless you do something to change that brain function, it ain't going to change on its own. You can't wish it to change. It has to be treated.

32:30 Rachel Harris Does she have a stepfather?

32:32 Rachel Harris I do have a stepfather.

32:34 Adam Drew, you forgot to add the super blowhardy part of, I can't change it for you, okay? You have to do that yourself. I can't physically force your brain to change. I wish I could, I like when they add that. I kind of can, I kind of can, I can't do that. My mistake.

32:49 Drew All you got to do is just follow directions and it will change.

32:52 Adam All right, so do me a favor, describe the DJ over there at the club.

32:58 Rachel Harris We actually use a jukebox, we have no DJ which is fabulous because then I don't have to tip him out.

33:03 Adam Oh, really? A jukebox?

33:05 Rachel Harris What's your song? What do you like to dance to?

33:10 Adam It's the automated noxious DJ 2000. Quit your linen and drop your, wait a minute, I screwed up.

33:19 Caller Quit your grinning and drop your linen. Give it up for Nalo.

33:23 Adam Diamond, stage five, stage five, Japanese business man. It's like a computer on there. So what happens? You just program in the songs you want?

33:34 Rachel Harris Yeah, you go, I mean, there's a rotation. Your name's on a board. You plug your music in and then you go up. Two songs are about three minutes a piece. And yeah, it's fully naked.

33:46 Adam And what do you, now I'm gonna guess, let's guess at her songs. First off, I'm gonna go with MacArthur Park by Rex Harrison.

33:55 Caller Someone left the cake out in the rain. I don't think that I can make it. Cause it's about eight minutes.

34:06 Adam Do you think she's doing that one?

34:07 Drew That's definitely it.

34:08 Caller Okay.

34:08 Rachel Harris That's good. I'm gonna go with Kenny Loggins and Dolly Parton, Islands in the Stream.

34:12 Adam Islands, that's Kenny Rogers.

34:13 Rachel Harris Oh, is it, what did I say, Kenny Loggins?

34:15 Adam Yeah. Islands in the stream.

34:17 Caller That is what we are.

34:19 Adam Yeah, that's good.

34:19 Rachel Harris Yeah, that's a good one.

34:20 Drew I'm feeling some doors.

34:22 Rachel Harris Some doors.

34:22 Adam Oh, doors. Like what do you think? You got a door song? Drew can't make one.

34:25 Drew Light my fire.

34:27 Rachel Harris Oh, that's good.

34:27 Adam Drew, you got nothing. You got nothing.

34:30 Rachel Harris Or could Johnny Cash ring a fire?

34:32 Adam I'm gonna go with this waltz or...

34:35 Drew That just happens to be what goes out of my head when I'm talking.

34:37 Adam I'm gonna go with Coward of the County by Kenny Ratchett. That'd be a good one. That's a good one. Now, you gotta figure she's got one of those.

34:47 Rachel Harris Is she still on the phone?

34:48 Adam Yeah. Now, Lou?

34:50 Rachel Harris Yeah, I'm here.

34:51 Adam What are your songs that you go with?

34:55 Rachel Harris It depends really on the crowd. Like, if it's an older crowd, I dance to, like, Sade, Lovers Rock, Love You The Way I Do.

35:03 Rachel Harris I know any of those songs.

35:05 Adam No, no, no Coward of the Count.

35:07 Drew That's for the older crowd.

35:08 Rachel Harris Okay.

35:08 Drew How about for the younger crowd?

35:11 Rachel Harris You know, they like the smooth, like, the older people and the younger, like, if the younger, like, military boys are in there, it's, like, a little instinct, and Justin Timberlake. Sure.

35:20 Caller Really?

35:21 Drew Well, it doesn't make sense.

35:22 Adam Any military crowd?

35:24 Caller The village military crowd?

35:26 Drew The village being the military.

35:27 Adam Village crowd? Who's in there? I want to listen to Justin Timberlake. We're trying to catch wood.

35:31 Caller YMCA is one of the songs, too?

35:34 Adam Ah, you're killing my buzz.

35:36 Drew All right, now listen, here's the deal. For this kind of lifestyle, it often becomes highly, highly addictive, and I don't know if you're addicted to anything else or if you're truly an addict, but sometimes people that specialize in sort of extracting people from this kind of life are necessary, because it is so alluring, there's so much money, it's so difficult to stop, and it's so gratifying of all those primitive and rather dysfunctional aspects of yourself.

35:57 Adam Oh, I bet she dances some Chansey.

36:00 Drew If you get in some therapy and learn to be able to tolerate proximity of another mind, another person, your relationship will work a little better, and you may not be so apt to want to do this stripping. So get some treatment.

36:11 Adam I don't think we can. Wouldn't it be great to be able to pick the songs for strippers?

36:17 Caller Someone left a cake out in the rain. Yeah, that would be awesome. Randy?

36:28 Rachel Harris Hello?

36:29 Adam Seventeen?

36:30 Rachel Harris Yeah, hi.

36:30 Adam Oh, Randy Check. You don't meet too many girls named Randy anymore, do you? Didn't you use to?

36:37 Drew Yeah, in the day.

36:38 Adam Now all Randy's are dudes and it's a horrible dude name.

36:41 Rachel Harris Yeah.

36:42 Drew All right. So what's up, Randy?

36:44 Rachel Harris Yeah, I was wondering about the abortion pill. I think I'm pregnant and I was looking through the other pages and it said abortion pill next to the morning after pill.

36:54 Drew Right. They're two different things.

36:55 Rachel Harris Yeah, I figured that.

36:57 Adam What do you mean next to the morning after pill?

36:59 Rachel Harris Like they were listing what they were offering at their.

37:03 Adam Oh, I see the clinic.

37:04 Drew Well, you need the abortion pill is a way of causing the fetus to be emitted from your uterus. It's RU486. It's a progesterone blocking agent. It can cause some pretty heavy bleeding. Some people that do abortions kind of don't like it because it doesn't feel that they're not in control of things as if they actually do the vacuum abortion.

37:22 Adam Is it the same pill as been around for 30 years?

37:25 Drew RU486?

37:26 Adam Yeah, I mean, it's the same one they've always had. No modifications.

37:31 Rachel Harris Don't you have to have a doctor, though, that writes you a prescription?

37:35 Drew And you have to be followed, too, because there is pretty heavy bleeding.

37:37 Rachel Harris Because it seems like that would be dangerous.

37:39 Drew It's not something you want to do on your own.

37:40 Rachel Harris Dear Lord.

37:41 Adam What is it, Drew? If I had to cook it up in my bathroom, could I do it with just cleanser and stuff like that?

37:45 Drew No, no.

37:45 Rachel Harris Adam, when you do, call me.

37:47 Adam Yeah, yeah.

37:48 Rachel Harris Because that sounds good.

37:50 Drew You want to use some?

37:51 Rachel Harris Yeah, please, Adam Carolla. Just for fun. Just to see.

37:54 Adam Yeah.

37:55 Rachel Harris That's crazy.

37:56 Drew Pifopristone.

37:57 Adam Oh, is that what it is? And Randy, what's going on? How far along are you?

38:01 Rachel Harris Well, I'm on birth control right now. I'm on the pill and I'm supposed to be on my period right now and I'm not.

38:08 Drew And that makes you think you're pregnant?

38:09 Rachel Harris Yeah.

38:11 Drew People miss their pill period all the time on the pill.

38:13 Adam Yeah, I'm late myself.

38:14 Drew So go ahead and take a pregnancy test before you jump into this.

38:18 Rachel Harris Really?

38:19 Rachel Harris But didn't you have a doctor that prescribed you the pill?

38:22 Rachel Harris Yeah, they prescribed me the pill, but like...

38:25 Rachel Harris Are you worried about going to see him?

38:27 Rachel Harris No, not at all.

38:28 Adam All right, well go. Stop wasting our time. Go over there and see him. And you know, they actually have a new pregnancy test. I saw in a commercial where the thing has like an LED readout or something, where it says...

38:40 Rachel Harris Where it says pregnant, not pregnant.

38:41 Adam It says pregnant or not pregnant. Yeah, instead of just turning gray and confusing everyone.

38:45 Rachel Harris Which I kind of dig. I think that's...

38:47 Drew It's like a thermometer?

38:48 Rachel Harris Yeah. Well, you know, you go to the bathroom on it, you urinate on the stick and then...

38:53 Adam I took it home just on it. I was like, I'm probably not pregnant, but I just want to see something saying not pregnant.

39:02 Rachel Harris I think it's so clear because sometimes, you know, you look at it and you're like, you can't tell. And you're so freaked out anyway that to see the words not pregnant or pregnant, you know, makes it that much better.

39:15 Drew It's worth the 400 bucks for the LED readout.

39:17 Adam No, it's probably like 15, 20 bucks. I don't know. How much is it? Do you know?

39:22 Rachel Harris I have no idea.

39:22 Adam I would like to buy a few and just whiz on them, just like I said.

39:25 Drew That would be a great show. Let's do that.

39:27 Adam See how it works?

39:28 Drew Yeah, let's bring along my cord.

39:31 Adam You have confusing gay. Gay? That's not even an option. Wait a minute. Drew, shake this thing down. I'm going to try it again. Still says gay. Still says gay. Rachel, that'd be great just to smuggle a box of gag ones in there. Whore.

39:46 Caller It's like what?

39:47 Adam They're making value judgment.

39:49 Rachel Harris You bitch. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

39:51 Adam Yeah.

39:52 Rachel Harris Slut.

39:53 Drew Whoopie pregnancy tests.

39:54 Rachel Harris Right. Yeah.

39:55 Caller Yeah. Just good novelty stuff.

39:57 Rachel Harris Baron. That's right. Awful.

40:01 Adam Rachel Harris is here tonight from Fat Actress. The whore would refer to a woman Baron.

40:07 Rachel Harris I know. That's more of a Baron.

40:09 Drew North Dakota's Baron.

40:10 Rachel Harris So awful.

40:11 Adam As a guy, it's great because it makes you a land baron.

40:14 Drew Yeah, that's baron.

40:15 Adam Or you could be a baron, you know, like Baron Von something.

40:18 Drew Of course.

40:19 Rachel Harris Yeah.

40:20 Drew Baron and baron.

40:21 Rachel Harris I was thinking it was Baron Von Trapp, but that's not right. He was Captain Von Trapp.

40:24 Drew Yeah, but he wasn't a baron, though.

40:27 Rachel Harris I don't know. There was a red baron. But there was a baroness.

40:30 Drew Yes.

40:30 Caller The female baroness.

40:32 Rachel Harris The mean lady that was mean to Maria. I didn't like her.

40:36 Adam Oh, that.

40:36 Drew Rachel, that's a movie way too many times.

40:38 Adam I did.

40:38 Rachel Harris I did. I'm proud of that. I am a big, big fan.

40:41 Adam Adolf Weiss would be a great stripping song.

40:44 Rachel Harris My first crush, Christopher Plummer. Sure.

40:47 Drew Scary.

40:47 Rachel Harris Why not?

40:48 Adam Yeah.

40:48 Rachel Harris No, it really wasn't. I think it was. I don't know.

40:50 Adam It's funny because he was like my eighth crush.

40:52 Rachel Harris Really? Yeah.

40:54 Adam Eight through 13. I like him that much. We're going to go whiz on a stick. Rachel Harris is here tonight from Fat Actress. Ten o'clock show time Monday night. Okay, quick break. We'll be right back after this.

41:05 Loveline. Okay. Wait.

41:08 Adam My hair.

41:09 My hair. We'll be right back.

41:11 Caller Loveline is brought to you by TNT.

41:19 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Rachel Harris is here tonight from Fat Actress. Ten o'clock on show time Monday nights. Let's see. Later on this week, Angie from The Apprentice, last one I got booted off.

41:37 Rachel Harris Oh, I watched The Apprentice.

41:38 Adam Oh, I do too.

41:40 Drew Next Monday.

41:40 Adam I enjoyed it.

41:41 Rachel Harris Angie, she totally got railroaded.

41:43 Adam Yeah, Monday, Seth MacFarlane and Alex Borstein are going to be in here from The Family Guy, which Drew is really into, and I'm really into too.

41:51 Rachel Harris Yeah, me too.

41:51 Adam Except for I was into it first.

41:53 Drew So therefore, what, you can't enjoy it with me?

41:55 Adam I'm in deep reruns.

41:56 Rachel Harris Oh, I'm thinking of American Dad, but I do like Family Guy.

41:59 Adam Oh, you like American Dad as well?

42:01 Rachel Harris I haven't seen much of it though. It's like-

42:04 Drew It's only aired one episode.

42:04 Rachel Harris Just that one episode, which was brilliant.

42:06 Adam I'm going to do a little voiceover work for the fam, not American Dad, but Family Guy on Thursday. So I'll send them everyone's regards and then we'll see them here on Monday.

42:16 Rachel Harris And also Crank Anchors.

42:18 Adam Oh yeah, Crank Anchors.

42:19 Rachel Harris Really funny.

42:19 Adam Thank you.

42:20 Rachel Harris I love that. We, I know David Allen Grier was on last night, right?

42:25 Adam Dag, who's my main man.

42:26 Rachel Harris When he vomits, when he does that vomit guy, Adam, my husband, my husband Adam.

42:31 Adam I should have been on the show. You've been on the show. And I decided we should have him do it on Crank Anchors. And then I would just sit next to him holding my dry erase board like, you always like when you do that because there's a couple of good ones were like who would call and ask how much an engagement ring was. And they'd be like, yeah, twenty five hundred bucks. It is awesome when he vomits that way.

42:59 Rachel Harris It is.

43:00 Adam Well, let me hear a little more vomiting, please. Yeah. When he would he would call the caterer and ask him. And so how do you prepare the shrimp? It's like, well, it's lightly battered. Oh, made this chick run through the entire menu and vomit after every single thing she said.

43:26 Rachel Harris I just love like the tolerance for that, too. Like, at what point do you say, I think something's you're ill, sir. And yeah, maybe we should get off the phone. Yeah, I just love this, the complete willingness to just stay on the phone.

43:39 Adam Here's what I learned from a few years of doing that show. Either people get off the phone immediately, or you have to pry them off the phone with a flat bar. And it depends where you call. If you call New York, they don't have any time at all. If you call Fairbanks, Alaska, oh, they got time. We had, I'm trying to think who it was who called just a place in Alaska and had them be their northernmost compass buddy. And just called a random person and they had talked on the phone about 45 minutes. They're going to be their compass buddy in their northernmost location. He's got to check in every day and call him and check how his heading was doing. And he's going to say do north and give the degrees or whatever. And, and they just talked for about 40 minutes. Can you imagine somebody calling you at home, Drew, wanting to be your compass buddy, and you're just rapping on the phone for 45 minutes, and them having to get off the phone? You just, you still talking to them?

44:36 Drew Unbelievable.

44:36 Adam All right. We will take some calls. Maybe we can get one in before we go to break. Samantha?

44:43 Rachel Harris Yeah?

44:43 Adam You're 28?

44:45 Rachel Harris Yeah.

44:46 Adam Kevin Nealon, by the way, was the guy who had the compass buddy.

44:48 Rachel Harris Kevin's a good friend, by the way. I just saw him last night.

44:50 Adam He's a dear friend. And I saw him on your show. Samantha?

44:55 Caller Yeah?

44:55 Adam 28. What's up?

44:59 Caller I was on the computer over at my fiance's parents' house for house-sitting. And I find some gay porn websites on there.

45:12 Drew So you think they, who's were they? I mean, who was watching that stuff?

45:15 Caller They were his. It was his posting on there. He had a link to it and the whole deal.

45:21 Drew Your fiance.

45:22 Adam Your fiance.

45:23 Caller Right.

45:24 Drew Not his parents.

45:26 Caller Right.

45:27 Adam Samantha, you tell a horrible story, by the way, because you're on the computer of a different person than you found, than you're accusing of being gay.

45:36 Drew The point is, what did the parents' house have to do with the story?

45:40 Caller We're house-sitting over there for the time being.

45:43 Drew And you brought your computers with you?

45:45 Rachel Harris And the history had...

45:47 Caller I'm sorry?

45:48 Rachel Harris The history, like when you went to look through the history, it had gay porn websites?

45:52 Caller That's correct. And so I click on there and, I don't know, it jumped here and there. And being a bit nosy, I did... I mean, it's his. It's not a conclusion jumped up.

46:02 Adam It's great when you say his, too. It makes it that much more confusing.

46:05 Drew What's your cue? What's your cue?

46:06 Adam This is your fiance's...

46:08 Caller Liar whore!...

46:09 Adam not the person who owns a computer.

46:12 Caller Well, my question basically is I've talked to him about...

46:15 Adam I'm taking a break. Here's all I'm saying, everybody. I know who she's talking about just because I speak fluent hard, but when you say you're at somebody's house, you hopped up on the computer and found a porn and you keep saying his computer or even the computer at somebody else's house. It's somebody else's house. You are leading people to believe it's the person who lives at that residence who has the porn on the computer. If you're talking about the television or the phone at that house, we would assume that was the persons who lived at the house. I'm assuming this is not by way of her description, but I'm assuming this is her fiancee who brought his computer to his parents' house. No, no. Who was looking up gay porn on the parents' computer.

46:57 Rachel Harris Probably on somebody else's computer because they thought it was safe.

47:00 Adam Right. Is that what was going on, Samantha?

47:03 Caller Basically, he was looking it up over there. I don't question that he was the one doing it. He admits to it for one. All right.

47:11 Adam Hold on.

47:12 Drew All that's there is now unnecessary. The whole thing. I caught my husband looking at gay porn. He told me it was him. There you go. That's the story.

47:17 Adam All right. Well, we got to take a break. We got two hours to kill, Drew. It's a 22-minute sitcom for The Love of Christ. We have no script. Just like fat actress, Rachel Harris is here Monday nights, 10 o'clock. Show time. We'll take a quick break. We'll get back. Don't hang up on Samantha over here. We'll get back, tell her what to do about her fiance after this.

47:56 Drew Loveline is brought to you by TNT. 40 games in 40 nights.

48:00 Caller Watch the NBA playoffs on TNT.

48:13 Adam There, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That is Dr. Drew.

48:17 Drew And do you know what you got there, Adam? From Chris?

48:20 Adam I got the finger.

48:20 Drew Yeah.

48:21 Adam Thanks, buddy.

48:22 Rachel Harris That's nice.

48:23 Adam Yeah.

48:23 Rachel Harris And it wasn't, we're not talking about the bird.

48:26 Drew No, no.

48:26 Rachel Harris You got the go finger.

48:27 Drew The go finger is why Adam went into radio. That's right. Yeah. I was thinking, it's either that or the finger.

48:30 Adam I was thinking, it's either that or the finger. It's either that or become a tail hooker, launch F-18s off carriers. You know, that dude. I like the move, that go guy.

48:40 Rachel Harris Yeah, that's intense. It's as impressive though, isn't it? When they like do that.

48:44 Adam That's what I like. I like the spool it up move.

48:47 Rachel Harris Yeah.

48:48 Adam And then I like the move, and I'm going to start doing this. Don't give me the finger. I'll salute when I'm ready to go.

48:54 Rachel Harris Nice.

48:54 Adam And that could be 10, 20 minutes into the show.

48:56 Caller We could just be dead air.

48:58 Rachel Harris That is really good.

49:00 Adam There's nothing better than a whole carrier thing. The guy's in the pilot. The guy down in the yellow vest, and they all have their colors. It's like a big Parchisi game. It's awesome. Everyone's got the purple and the yellow, and they're all wearing their vests, because these guys are the fire guys, and these guys are the guys who reset the steam catapult, and these guys are retrieval guys. And they do the spool it up thing. I'm the pilot. I do the salute thing, and then the guy gets down on one knee, he's going, go! And I just launch myself off the end of the ship.

49:36 Yeah.

49:37 Adam Awesome. You know, they're like, those aircraft carriers? Floating cities. The floating cities.

49:43 Rachel Harris Literally.

49:43 Drew Literally.

49:44 Rachel Harris But you see, my brother was actually on one, and he was in the service. Yeah. He was. He was on an aircraft carrier for like six months or something.

49:51 Adam Wow, a lot of range in that family. A lot of range.

49:53 Rachel Harris I'm telling you, we've, yeah.

49:55 Adam But he must have been doing something. He wasn't just working the laundry.

49:58 Rachel Harris He was an aviation electrician.

50:00 Adam Oh, he worked on the aircraft?

50:02 Rachel Harris I don't know what that means, but I know that that was his title.

50:05 Adam Wow, floating city.

50:06 Drew From Hawaii? What do you mean Ohio?

50:09 Rachel Harris Ohio. It's all right. Hawaii, Hawaii. It sounds very similar. Nice brain. Ohio, yeah.

50:14 Drew As you guys grew up? Yeah.

50:15 Rachel Harris Yeah, we did.

50:16 Adam I would, yeah.

50:17 Rachel Harris He used to say that they'd sleep in like those crazy cubby holes that I'm claustrophobic. I couldn't have. I mean, I'm not clinically claustrophobic, but it would drive me crazy. I'll be the judge of that. Okay. All right.

50:26 Adam They got their little bunks that they got their little lockers underneath it. They got to fold everything nice. I would like to go out on one cruise, one quick tour. You know what I mean? Just, you know, 14 days or something, just to say you did it.

50:40 Rachel Harris Just to experience it?

50:42 Adam Yeah, not do anything. Just sort of hang out and watch everyone and criticize.

50:46 Rachel Harris You could take notes.

50:47 Drew Why would you be good at that?

50:48 Rachel Harris You read a little essay.

50:50 Adam Walk around.

50:50 Rachel Harris On your experience.

50:51 Drew One for now, up in the air. He does not write. He talks.

50:53 Adam I don't write. I would I would I would dictate. But here's the thing. Not do a dictaphone into just a brown piece of mop handle.

50:59 Rachel Harris But people would think I was you could do a one man show on it, Adam. That would be great.

51:04 Adam That would be awesome.

51:05 Rachel Harris Yeah. And you could fly.

51:06 Drew Boy, fly your next TLC show.

51:08 Adam Yeah.

51:09 Rachel Harris Yeah.

51:10 Adam All hands on Ace. That's what we call it. Sounds gay, but it wouldn't be that gay. It should be sort of gay.

51:17 Drew All right.

51:17 Adam Let's keep going.

51:19 Rachel Harris Not much.

51:20 Adam Samantha.

51:21 Drew Back to Samantha.

51:22 Adam Oh, speaking of gay computers. So she found gay ironic. Your fiance was visiting gay websites.

51:29 Caller Correct.

51:29 Adam What kind of gay websites?

51:33 Caller Ones where I guess you meet people. He had a posting up there and that's not good at all.

51:38 Adam What?

51:38 Drew That's not just gay websites.

51:40 Adam What did the post say?

51:41 Rachel Harris Oh, he was soliciting.

51:42 Caller Yeah.

51:44 Adam What did the postings say?

51:47 Caller Oh, geez. I don't know how descriptive I can get on here, but just looking for a BJ and...

51:57 Adam Oh, really?

51:59 Caller Wow.

52:00 Drew Did you ever have any hint that there was something going on with him?

52:02 Caller None at all. Blindsided me.

52:05 Adam Okay. So here's the question, everybody. I think, I know where Drew comes down on this, but I'm not sure about Rachel. To me, not that he should be punished for being gay, but there's not anything we're going to do about this. I don't think you're going to reel it back in.

52:21 Drew This is not a hobby.

52:22 Adam No, no, no.

52:23 Drew This is a commitment.

52:24 Adam And here's what I don't think a lot of people realize, and I don't think a lot of women realize this because I think they're a little more pliable sexually. They could go out, experiment, do a little something, sample some waters. They could just put their toe in the lesbian pool.

52:38 Drew And come right out.

52:39 Adam And come right out again and be fine. Guys, don't.

52:41 Drew It's a whirlpool.

52:42 Adam We could suck down into a vortex of ass.

52:45 Rachel Harris Or whatever.

52:46 Adam That could be a good name for my one main show. Vortex of ass.

52:49 Rachel Harris Vortex of ass, that's good.

52:51 Adam Right. Point is, is you don't just sample the gayness.

52:55 Drew No.

52:56 Adam You're in. And this guy, if he's on websites and he's looking for action or soliciting, unless he's a cop and he's trying to bust somebody and there's something we don't know.

53:07 Drew That's it.

53:08 Adam But this is a deal breaker in terms of, and thank God you found this out while he was a fiancé and not a husband.

53:14 Caller Yeah.

53:16 Drew Have you discussed this with him?

53:18 Caller Yeah. And he denies any extreme tendencies to swing the other way. Saying that it was more of an excitement thing, I guess.

53:31 Rachel Harris Let me ask you this. What is your sex life like with him? Does he...

53:36 Caller It's fine. It's variable.

53:38 Adam Stryphon gives her a rash, but other than that, everything's fine. A little chafing. Nothing a gold bond can't handle, sweetie.

53:45 Rachel Harris But I mean, are there other psychological problems that he might be having?

53:49 Caller Not that I'm aware of.

53:50 Rachel Harris Like sexually, because a lot of times, with sex addiction and things like that, sometimes it's not necessarily about the gender, it could be about...

53:59 Drew That's true. But then the sexual addiction is often very covert, so she might really understand, have no knowledge of what was going on.

54:06 Adam Samantha, you sound like a survivor. Like you've seen a lot. I don't know. What are you? Are you a nurse? Do you have some kids? Previous marriage? What's going on?

54:17 Caller One kid, no marriage. Insurance, nothing too exciting.

54:27 Adam Trauma? Have you been traumatized?

54:31 Caller Well, you guys always talk about sexual history in the past. I mean, I guess I was abused a bit when I was a teenager, one time incident.

54:40 Adam Nothing before that, though?

54:42 Caller No.

54:43 Adam Dad's good? Stepdad's good?

54:47 Drew She's got that tour of nom kind of stuff going on.

54:50 Adam We ever strung out on Speed or any drugs?

54:54 Caller Years ago.

54:56 Drew We hear it.

54:56 Adam Got the ex-Speed thing going. It was Speed, right?

55:01 Caller Yeah.

55:01 Drew Yeah, we can hear it.

55:02 Caller For about three months in the teenage years.

55:05 Adam You already know it a little more than that, I would say. I can hear it on you.

55:08 Drew Well, I think she's...

55:09 Adam Or she also has a grizzled.

55:12 Drew She's whitewashing her stories. Yeah, a little bit.

55:15 Adam A little bit in the teenage years.

55:18 Drew It's like, come on, Ms. Malfoy, who are you talking to?

55:21 Adam And here's the other thing. Look, when we talk to people, it sounds like they grew up in a rock tumbler.

55:26 Drew Right.

55:27 Adam They've just, they're 20, I mean, the woman is 28 and sounds like she's been there, done that, loved and lost.

55:33 Drew She sounds late 40s, second tour of Vietnam as a nurse or something.

55:37 Caller Right, right.

55:39 Adam I'm just trying to get a little clarity on her because she may be picking this guy is a sort of safety.

55:45 Rachel Harris Of course.

55:46 Drew Yeah, as a way of not being intimate with somebody. Right.

55:49 Adam Okay. So, Samantha, I don't think this guy, and I'm not sure he's going to make a great father to stepfather to your child either.

55:57 Caller Yeah, not with all this going on.

55:59 Adam Yeah. Where's your dad?

56:02 Caller In Oklahoma. In prison.

56:04 Adam What's he doing over there?

56:06 Caller He's a military man. The base out here closed down.

56:09 Adam You have a good relationship with him?

56:11 Caller Decent one. We were never terribly close, but.

56:14 Adam All right.

56:15 Drew He used to beat the crap out of you?

56:17 Caller No. Never like that. More dismissive, I guess.

56:21 Adam All right. So, Samantha, I bet you could do better than this guy.

56:25 Drew Well, I feel uncomfortable telling you what to do, but you have a way of sort of not accepting reality. You tend to stay in sort of a level of light denial. It's like, yeah, a little bit of spiel of that. Look, you're an addict. You're fortunately not active in your disease right now. You've had some significant issues in your life. Intimacy is not an easy thing for you. You've got a guy that may have seemed safe, but he's safe because he's not available because he is probably gay. Now, he may not really have come to terms with that yet. That's fine. But to say that to minimize the reality of what's going on with him, giant mistake.

57:00 Adam Cruising the Internet, looking for BJs, unless you want to meet the guy in the parking lot and beat him with a bat.

57:06 Drew Even that guy is a concern.

57:08 Adam Well, okay. The only possible excusable thing would be if you urinate in a fire hydrant and we're trying to spray the gay guy with it. Out of the bed of a pickup truck and you had some buddies driving it and you had like a six pack of tall boys in there and you were screaming.

57:21 Drew And you know what? You're not 28 when you're doing that.

57:23 Adam Oh, oh, oh, yes. I was 31, right? You're right, Drew. I was not 28. And that to say that had not built up to that. When you're right, you're right. Takes a big man to admit when you're right, Drew. All right, Melissa.

57:37 Caller Yeah.

57:37 Adam You fake orgasms?

57:40 Caller Yeah. Like right before I'm about to finish, I just like tense up and I just tell the guys like, yeah, I'm finished. And I can't like relax to get the whole way through.

57:49 Adam Hold on. That's not faking an orgasm though, is it?

57:53 Rachel Harris You mean like you sort of snub it, like before it goes all the way?

57:57 Drew She makes like she finished.

57:59 Rachel Harris Oh.

58:01 Adam You do?

58:02 Caller Yeah.

58:02 Adam Does a guy think you had an orgasm or not?

58:05 Caller Yeah.

58:05 Adam He does.

58:06 Caller Okay.

58:06 Adam So you fake your orgasm.

58:07 Drew Do you have a girlfriend?

58:09 Caller Not anymore.

58:10 Drew When you were with him, could you relax?

58:12 Caller No, I've never been able to. And I've I've never have no matter who I was with.

58:18 Drew Are you are you attracted to women?

58:21 Caller Um, I it crosses my mind.

58:23 Drew I'm just getting that loud and clear from her. I don't know why.

58:27 Caller I'm kind of hearing it too. I've never done anything.

58:30 Caller Hmm.

58:31 Adam And you have any kids?

58:33 Caller I have one.

58:34 Adam Yeesh. What's up with that? Hopefully it's a girl, right?

58:38 Caller No, it's a boy.

58:41 Drew So what about the women? Why am I getting the women thing loud from her? It's just my sense of it.

58:46 Adam I don't know. Drew's Spidey sense is, Lesbo's Spidey sense is tingling.

58:50 Caller Well, I'm curious. I'm curious that I've never.

58:54 Drew Are you, do you have trouble being with men? Or have you been brutalized by men in some way?

58:59 Caller Yeah, when I was, yeah, I've had a bad past, but I don't.

59:03 Drew Well, that's what often, when it comes to lesbianism, that's often a good route. It's a common route in the lesbian territory, which is the relationship with men are just full of brutality and they just have an outfit and that's that.

59:15 Caller I was, my neighbor used to babysit me and that was a female. And she used to mess with me when I was little.

59:21 Drew Oh, ding dong.

59:23 Adam That's what I was hearing.

59:25 Drew Yeah, that's what my spidey sense picked up on.

59:29 Adam Yeah, that can do it. Yeah, that'll cross your wires. And you're, who's the father of your child?

59:36 Caller Um, some idiot.

59:38 Adam Is he out of the picture?

59:40 Caller Yeah, completely.

59:41 Drew All right, so here we go. We got a call about faking orgasms and not allowing yourself to orgasm. And the reality of what we have here is sexual abuse, sexual identity confusion, inability to be in stable and close relationships, picking only a-holes. Much bigger problems here than just not orgasming. Much bigger. You will orgasm when you actually are able to have a relationship and feel safe until that happens though. There'll be no orgasms. All right.

1:00:05 Adam Now you're freaking her out though. You think she has to be with a woman? And what about?

1:00:08 Drew No, I'm not saying she has to be with a woman. I'm just saying she's got to be in a stable, close relationship. I have a feeling that that was more likely to be with a woman for her.

1:00:15 Adam Melissa, do me a favor. Can you please not screw your son up so I don't have to deal with him and or pay for him later on in life? Please, please, please promise me you're not going to screw that kid up. I don't want to pay for anyone else.

1:00:32 Drew Wouldn't you rather her be with a woman that's some a-hole she brings along?

1:00:35 Adam Yes, I would. I really would.

1:00:36 Rachel Harris Because that's what she's comfortable with.

1:00:38 Caller I don't think I'd be comfortable being with a woman.

1:00:40 Rachel Harris Oh, really? But you've been attracted to the ladies?

1:00:44 Caller I am, but I'm not.

1:00:46 Adam I don't trust the guys you pick, though. Who's this guy's dad? I mean, this guy's dad's an idiot, right?

1:00:53 Caller Yeah.

1:00:54 Adam Is he paying for any child support or anything?

1:00:57 Caller Yeah, we just went in February to do child support.

1:01:02 Drew Of course.

1:01:02 Adam What's he paying a month?

1:01:04 Caller He pays, it went up to $550, so it's going to go up to $600 because he's making more.

1:01:10 Adam I just, what's he doing? Welding or driving a truck or roofing?

1:01:14 Drew Drywalling.

1:01:14 Adam Drywalling.

1:01:16 Caller No clue. He works with sales, like auto sales and everything.

1:01:19 Adam Okay, yeah. Well, just once, one time when somebody says he works in sales, they're actually talking about a sale on a boat. Just one time. He doesn't know he works on schooners.

1:01:30 Drew Just so you can say that happened.

1:01:31 Adam Well, he does sell the sales, so I guess technically he's in sales sales. It would be nice just to talk to a guy, salty mariner. But okay, it's always funny when you hear about these highfalutin divorces and so-and-so needs 150 grand a year for the kids. When you just hear about the real world, it's up to 550 a month.

1:01:53 Yeah.

1:01:54 Adam And the fifth Gabor sister is saying she can't get by on 55,000 a month. She's at 550 and she's like just in clover. She's not going to know what to do with that extra money. All right. I don't know what to say. And by the way, could we stop crapping out kids so casually?

1:02:13 Drew Clearly not.

1:02:14 Adam Clearly not. Can we stop having just people that are damaged goods crapping out kids? It is so sad. And is there ever any chance that this world or this society repairing itself as long as there's a steady influx of effed up single moms crapping out kids in their late teens? Is there any way, is there enough resources?

1:02:38 Rachel Harris Yeah, but don't you think the solution to that though is to educate women to like...

1:02:43 Drew Education has nothing to do with it.

1:02:45 Rachel Harris Well, no, it's more intervention. But as far as your esteem goes, but what I'm saying, you know...

1:02:49 Drew You can't build esteem through education. This is the huge mistake that people make.

1:02:53 Rachel Harris I don't think, I mean, like education like schools. And I mean, just as far as common sense, you know, there's nothing we can teach women to have esteem so that they're not sleeping around to get validation.

1:03:07 Adam No, I mean, that's six generations down the road.

1:03:09 Drew It's a different part of the brain.

1:03:11 Rachel Harris Do you think it's more just from learned behavior, from...

1:03:15 Drew No, no, it's this function of regulatory systems in the brain. And you have to teach them to... Brains that can't regulate don't feel adequate and feel ashamed. And then they can't build esteem unless they can feel competent in their ability to regulate their feeling states. And the only way they can do that is through having stable relationships. So, a healthy adult that they're connected with through high school and college or junior high school and high school, that changes everything. And all they have to do is spend time with that kid. That's all they got to do.

1:03:45 Adam I'm looking for some sort of birth control that comes in a dart form, seriously. And I'm doing it for them. Like everyone has this...

1:03:53 Drew You want to strafe with it, basically. Send your planes in and strafe.

1:03:57 Adam I'm just saying, we talk to people. I mean, here's our solution from doing the show for 10 years. And we, at the risk of sounding sort of pompous, what we learned isn't really from a textbook or watching the news, it's from talking to screwed up people for 10 years. So you get the lay of the land.

1:04:15 Rachel Harris Yeah.

1:04:16 Adam When somebody, depending on how abused they were, but if they were sort of severely abused, there's not a whole lot you can really talk to them about. You need to get to them early and often. But there's a certain group that you really just need to say.

1:04:29 Drew If I try to talk to me out of heroin, that's not a rational process. You can't educate somebody out of heroin or crack or pie. They're just, part of their brain is not.

1:04:36 Adam You need to catch them on their first, the day after their first period and say, you're going, and I don't mean in school, and say, you're going on birth control. I mean, I'm not going to hold you down and stuff it in your mouth. I'm just going to say, I'm going to hold you down. I've done the math. You're going to be pregnant by 15 and a half. And then no shot at college. So this is for you. It's for me. It's for society. Put the patch on. And then we'll talk about it when you're 21 and see what we can do. If we did that, it would just be a utopia we're living in. For some reason, that's playing God. Whereas hooking people up to feeding tubes is not, or putting cameras in intersections that give you tickets in the mail. No problem with that. It's okay for society to do that. Yeah, sorry. Getting excited.

1:05:23 Drew How about building a room atop your garage?

1:05:26 Adam Oh, you couldn't do that. That's permits. You could never do that. You have to perform oral on a city councilman if you want to do that. I'm just saying, we live in a society where people are perfectly comfortable with the concept of putting cameras in intersections and you getting tickets in the mail for 300 bucks. But the idea of identifying an abused and dangerous, not only to society, but to themselves, segment of society and focusing on them. Because who's filling the prisons? Who's committing the murders? Who's getting hooked on the speed and the heroin? Who are the dropouts? Who are the vagrants? Who are the teen pregnant? Who are all these people? They're not Drew's kids. They're just not. They're not people who can support and love and nurture their kids. That's not their offspring. It's this group's offspring who becomes then all our problems. And there's a good chance if anything happens to you, whether it's getting cleaned out by an uninsured drunk driver or getting a shiv put in your side at the ATM, it's going to be someone from this family. Let's just admit it and focus on it. It's not such a bad thing.

1:06:36 Drew What corollaries that is that when they look at kids from at-risk situations, only actually about half of them turn out the way Adam is describing it. And the half that doesn't turn out that way, when they look at variables that impact their life, they've only found one thing that changes outcome towards a positive outcome.

1:06:54 Adam Jesus Christ.

1:06:55 Drew No, a single positive relationship with an adult outside the home, sustained. That's it. It changes everything.

1:07:03 Adam And by the way, half, that's a tough number. You know what I mean? Fifty percent of these people going south. And yeah, for every, there's, you know, oh, but what about Oprah? She was abused, she came from, yeah, that's Oprah. Then for every Oprah, there's ten million people that are in jail right now.

1:07:20 Drew It's the same argument with Grandma Moses smoking and drinking until she was ninety-five.

1:07:24 Adam Yeah. Oh, she drank, she drank a fifth of Jack Daniels every day and smoked two packs of Palmol non-filter.

1:07:31 Drew Let's go on.

1:07:31 Adam She lived to 103.

1:07:32 Drew Let's all do that.

1:07:33 Adam That's right. Take that carrot juice, throw it in the gutter and give me a pack of smokes. I got to light up now.

1:07:38 Rachel Harris Well, it's also like that guy that they said had eggs and bacon every day of his life and he was like ninety-eight.

1:07:42 Drew That's right.

1:07:43 Rachel Harris Because one person was a freak show. Doesn't mean that it's going to work for everyone.

1:07:47 Adam He had a good hand dealt to him genetically and that was about it.

1:07:50 Drew The extreme outliers do not set the rule.

1:07:52 Adam I don't know why people use those extreme examples as even examples. It's like a roulette wheel landing on your number once in a lifetime and you're using it as, oh, I win every time I turn the wheel. All right. Rachel Harris here tonight. A right thinker. We're turning her around. I'll tell you that right now. She's going to come and she's going to leave this place. She'll be like Rush Limbaugh. She'll be fired up. We're talking about mandatory sterilization for people of color. She's going to join the NRA.

1:08:22 Drew That was Rachel's idea. That was Rachel's idea.

1:08:24 Rachel Harris It was. And I asked you not to verbalize.

1:08:27 Adam I'm sorry I said it on the air. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:08:32 Caller Hello, this is your radio. Loveline will be right back.

1:08:38 Drew Loveline is brought to you by TNT.

1:08:40 40 games in 40 nights.

1:08:54 Rachel Harris See? Nice finger.

1:08:56 Adam Chris is pointing at Drew, though. It wasn't...

1:08:59 Drew Well, you didn't salute.

1:09:01 Adam Wait, I got to salute, and then you... Why would you point at Drew?

1:09:04 Drew Because I saluted.

1:09:05 Adam Oh, did you salute?

1:09:06 Drew Yes.

1:09:06 Adam Oh, I didn't see you salute. Okay, hey, listen, it takes a big, big, big man to admit when he's wrong.

1:09:13 Drew You set the standard.

1:09:14 Adam Even if it was for the first time. All right, I'm gonna salute you, point. You ready? All right.

1:09:18 Rachel Harris Boom. That's nice. Get back.

1:09:19 Adam There you go. All right. Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, Rachel Harris here tonight from Fat Actress Monday Nights. Showtime, 10 o'clock. I was just in the kitchen here at the fabulous radio station.

1:09:34 Drew Did you start beating up the trash can again?

1:09:36 Adam Or kicking the microwave? Let me just say-

1:09:40 Drew Throwing the milk around because it was old.

1:09:43 Adam Let me just say a couple of things. The microwave. Not done. World scientists should not be done with the microwave. And they're working on stuff like the keypad and that kind of stuff.

1:09:54 Drew We need standards.

1:09:56 Adam We do need that, but we need a couple things. First off, that microwave smells like a cat cramped on a wheel of provolone. And they just melted it down to the ground. What is up with that?

1:10:08 Drew And how does it maintain its funk? It's a new one too.

1:10:11 Adam Somebody did something to that microwave at 10 o'clock tonight and it's been funkified two hours later. It's as funky as it was two hours before.

1:10:21 Drew I swear that's a pizza thing in this unit.

1:10:23 Rachel Harris Really?

1:10:23 Drew This place.

1:10:24 Adam But I don't understand. Is it upholstered inside? You know what I mean? How can it maintain the funk?

1:10:30 Drew It's sheet metal. The cheese gets melted into the plastic there.

1:10:32 Adam But it's sheet metal. It's like your car fender smelling.

1:10:35 Rachel Harris But you know what? But that's the thing is that it doesn't really seem to have that much ventilation. So things get trapped in there.

1:10:40 Adam So a couple of beats. First thing, let's get a microwave. There's nothing worse than you got a little ice cream that's rock hard. You want to just put in for 10 seconds and soften it up. But it smells like provolone cheese in there.

1:10:53 Rachel Harris Or jalapenos.

1:10:54 Adam Or jalapenos. It just smells like the guy made an anchovy pizza before you got there. We got to move the funk out. Flip the funk. Move the funk.

1:11:04 Caller You got to turn this mother out.

1:11:05 Rachel Harris If you notice, they got to be a sandwich store.

1:11:07 Drew They have these new things that have convection or heat ovens that heat things in like four seconds. The funky stuff needs to go in there.

1:11:14 Adam Okay. Well, all I'm saying is first thing, let's make it out of some sort of space-age ceramic or something where you could actually defecate in it and then vaporize it with 15 minutes of convection heat and be no smell when you open it up. Okay. That's number one.

1:11:28 Drew We're going to work on it.

1:11:30 Adam I'll go down to the testing facility.

1:11:31 Caller I'll go down to the proving grounds.

1:11:33 Adam That's good. That's number one. By the way, any better place to work than a place called Proving Grounds, the Aberdeen Proving Grounds. It's just a great name, Proving Grounds. Okay. So that's the-

1:11:43 Rachel Harris It's really good.

1:11:44 Drew I like the Think Tank.

1:11:45 Adam That's number one.

1:11:46 Drew I'm going to go to Think Tank.

1:11:47 Adam I work at a Think Tank on a Proving Ground. Wow. Awesome. All right. Now, there's that. The other thing is, let's figure out how to heat what's in the container, not the container itself.

1:11:59 Rachel Harris Oh, so you don't, did you burn your fingers out?

1:12:01 Drew Why are microwave containers the ones that go to 8,000 degrees as soon as you throw them in there?

1:12:05 Adam Drew and I have a couple of coffee mugs we toss in there. The coffee mugs we have to handle, we have to use tongs that guys who blow glass use to get them out of there. It's like, it's a blast furnace. Drew holds a shield that we've fashioned out of an old Lycus poster and some tin foil. I open it and reach in with the tongs and wear that leather slag.

1:12:24 Drew Oh yeah, the big, big, giant lead gloves.

1:12:25 Rachel Harris I don't know you guys, that sounds like your microwave is just...

1:12:30 Adam It heats.

1:12:31 Drew We've had multiple microwaves.

1:12:33 Rachel Harris I've had the same one. Mine at home is pretty fine. You have the right dishes for it.

1:12:37 Adam You have the right dishes for it.

1:12:39 Rachel Harris I do, I do. We have fine items.

1:12:41 Drew And you don't eat pizza and jalapeno and chili.

1:12:43 Rachel Harris We do eat pizza. We do not. But you don't cook in the microwave. But we don't put meat in it.

1:12:47 Adam No, but you're talking about heat. We're talking about heat retention now.

1:12:51 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:12:51 Adam And I'm saying that about 30. Well, let's say, let's put it this way. Eighty percent of the stuff I have to hold food doesn't work right in the microwave.

1:13:01 Drew It overheats.

1:13:02 Adam It gets hot and the food stays. I put it, I get the bowl, I get the ceramic bowl, I put the soup in it. The soup is marginally cooler actually than it was before it went in.

1:13:12 Caller The bowl is molten.

1:13:13 Drew Glowing.

1:13:13 Adam How does the soup not get hot just from the molten, glowing bowl? I don't know. But let's work out a microwave that just heats what's inside.

1:13:20 Drew That same one occasionally will cause boiling around the edges and cold in the middle. Right.

1:13:25 Adam We need to work that thing out.

1:13:26 Rachel Harris Does it have a spinny thing on it though? Spinny thing?

1:13:29 Adam Spinny thing overrated. That was going to solve every problem in 1985. It never really worked out.

1:13:34 Rachel Harris You know the trick for microwave popcorn is to put a little plate underneath it so when you put the bag on top, it has a little bit of a hill. That means because the current goes underneath the bag a little bit more and it keeps it from burning. Just a little tip.

1:13:49 Adam Just a little ceramic plate or a paper plate?

1:13:51 Rachel Harris Ceramic. Yeah, that has like some density to it so that when you... I don't know if density is the right word.

1:13:57 Adam No, that's right. The other thing I'm looking for is something, a microwave, that you can put metal in.

1:14:04 Drew Yeah, well that would have to have that.

1:14:05 Adam Because you get the Italian food in like the container. You take the Chinese food. Well, the Chinese food has the little metal coat hanger.

1:14:12 Rachel Harris The little hoot nanny on it that you have to take off before you eat it out.

1:14:14 Adam But if you go to the Italian place, you get a little chunk of Asabuco left over. That's the foil thing. By the way, once that plastic cap pops, you can never get it back.

1:14:22 Drew Have you ever put that plastic thing on and replaced it without cutting your finger?

1:14:26 Adam No. Every time I cut my finger.

1:14:27 Rachel Harris Wait, that plastic thing is like around the metal thing?

1:14:30 Drew Yeah, the foil around the edge.

1:14:32 Rachel Harris I haven't cut my finger on that.

1:14:34 Adam So much better.

1:14:35 Rachel Harris You really can't be bothered to transfer it from the metal container into like a plate.

1:14:39 Drew How dare you?

1:14:39 Rachel Harris Are you saying I'm lazy? Isn't that awful?

1:14:42 Adam How about this?

1:14:42 Rachel Harris It's just too much work.

1:14:43 Adam How about you just pump your own well water and crap in a pot? Can't be bothered? How dare you, Missy? How dare you?

1:14:52 Rachel Harris I know. How dare I suggest a simple transfer?

1:14:55 Adam No, I'll tell you the problem.

1:14:56 Rachel Harris PS. I love your Carrot Top Mug.

1:14:58 Adam When? Thank you.

1:15:00 Rachel Harris So.

1:15:01 Adam It's normally blue. It's red now because it's still molten. Now here's the problem. I can be bothered and I will be, but why should I have to be? Let's have somebody work the metal thing out. And when you get that nice Italian food and then the fat can chills and everything, you always dump out the big chunk or whatever. But you're scraping the other stuff. You can't all the goodness is also.

1:15:22 Drew It also doesn't look appetizing when it comes out. What are you eating?

1:15:25 Adam Right. All the jello mold. No. Yeah. Like if you bring if you bring home spaghetti and meat sauce, all the yummiest part of the meat sauce is clung to the to the foil. You can't get that off. And you always seem like you have a problem when you really try to get off your scraping or you're barring a dumpster or something. Your wife comes by like, listen, sweetie, don't you go out and buy something to eat instead of scraping things.

1:15:47 Caller What are you crying?

1:15:48 Drew You're literally a millionaire.

1:15:49 Adam Literally a millionaire. Literally.

1:15:51 Rachel Harris All right.

1:15:51 Adam I'm just saying we do a lot of, we do a lot of.

1:15:54 Rachel Harris These are quality problems.

1:15:55 Adam The microwave has been around for 40 years.

1:15:58 Drew I've never complained about this before, brother.

1:16:00 Rachel Harris I love it. I love it.

1:16:01 Adam 40 years it's been around. Somebody invent one I can put some foil in. Is it that tall in order that we can put foil in a microwave? Technologically, is it that tall in order?

1:16:11 Drew It may be technically impossible.

1:16:13 Adam I don't think so.

1:16:13 Rachel Harris It could be because of like the, I'm going to get really technical on you and use some really good jargon, but like atoms and like neutrons and things like that, the bing-a-bong.

1:16:21 Drew Neutrinos.

1:16:22 Rachel Harris Exactly.

1:16:23 Caller Right.

1:16:24 Rachel Harris You can't do metal in there. So you just put it in a glass bowl. What about glass?

1:16:27 Drew I think it's simple. When you send the microwaves in, they bounce back and melt the damn thing.

1:16:32 Rachel Harris Exactly.

1:16:33 Adam Listen, honestly, you two are enablers, by the way.

1:16:35 Rachel Harris We can get a fair.

1:16:37 Adam Well, nothing would have got done under your guys.

1:16:39 Drew I say nay.

1:16:40 Rachel Harris I say, I say put it on a pot.

1:16:41 Adam We could possibly make false teeth out of anything better than wood.

1:16:44 Rachel Harris But whatever happened to putting it like in a cast iron skillet? And it's been nicely seasoned. Here's what I'm saying.

1:16:51 Adam Please listen to what I'm saying.

1:16:52 Rachel Harris He's starting to cry.

1:16:53 Adam I don't want to transfer things from the thing I take it home into the thing I put it in the microwave. Then maybe we just have to talk to the Chinese restaurant and the Italian food restaurant and get them to do that.

1:17:07 Rachel Harris You should do that. Call them.

1:17:09 Drew Let's start changing the convention. We need microwavable Chinese and Italian food.

1:17:13 Adam One or the other.

1:17:13 Drew That's all.

1:17:14 Rachel Harris I get it. I get it. I get it.

1:17:16 Drew Here we go.

1:17:16 Adam All right. I see.

1:17:17 Drew Now we're done.

1:17:18 Adam You guys, you know what? Neither one of you will dare to be great or dare to yell at other people to be great in hurry. That's your shortcoming.

1:17:27 Rachel Harris We're just comfortable with the mediocrity.

1:17:29 Adam I'll tell you something. I will dare to yell at other people to be great, God damn it. In the hurry.

1:17:34 Rachel Harris That's good.

1:17:35 Adam Well, let me just say something very quickly. Just very quickly. I don't like to talk about myself. No. No.

1:17:41 Rachel Harris I'm gathering it.

1:17:42 Adam I used to go to a dentist when I got my teeth clean, he sprayed icy cold spring water all over my teeth and they hurt. I said, wow, my gums are sensitive, my teeth hurt, you sprayed this cold. Why don't you use warm water? If I was in my own bathroom, I wouldn't put frozen water in my teeth. He said, and this is the biggest mistake he ever made for me, oh yeah, they make those. I said, they should make some sort of inline water heater. He said, oh no, they make them, they've had them for years. That was problem number one.

1:18:07 Rachel Harris Did you go back to him?

1:18:08 Adam Oh no, problem number two was he then said, everyone asked for them. Okay, now I'm going nuts. All right, so I go to a new dentist and the guy likes me and he wants my business. And I say, look, here's your Adam Corolla, here's the deal, literally millionaire, here's your DDS.

1:18:23 Drew And mouth a mess.

1:18:25 Rachel Harris Exactly.

1:18:25 Adam Mouth a mess.

1:18:26 Rachel Harris And he's seeing.

1:18:26 Adam Brain works like a Swiss timepiece.

1:18:28 Rachel Harris Do you floss every day, twice a day?

1:18:30 Adam I'm flossing now.

1:18:31 Rachel Harris Okay, good.

1:18:31 Adam There's a guy in my mouth. I don't do it myself, I don't get my hands.

1:18:34 Rachel Harris Millionaire, millionaire. That's good.

1:18:35 Drew So anyway, you go to this guy.

1:18:37 Adam I go to the new guy and I say, look buddy, how about one of these inline water heaters if you want my business? And he says, you know what, that's a good idea. And I said, look, here's the deal, I'm not coming back until you get that thing. So go spend 80 bucks, give a plumber 100 bucks and get it hooked up. And then I'll use it. I came back a month later. He said, not only I'm getting great feedback, all my people love it. It's great. This guy was in business for 30 years. Now he's got the inline heater. Everyone's happy.

1:19:02 Rachel Harris And Adam Corolla, humanitarian.

1:19:04 Adam And my teeth are happy.

1:19:04 Drew And he got the business.

1:19:05 Adam What's wrong with everyone just stepping their game up a little bit? Just being a little bit better.

1:19:09 Rachel Harris But all I know is you need to write books.

1:19:11 Adam That's it. I'm writing a book. Oh, yeah.

1:19:13 Rachel Harris Yeah, more books.

1:19:14 Adam But it's not going to be advice. It's going to be yelling at other people who write books poorly.

1:19:18 Caller Yeah, yeah, sure.

1:19:20 Adam That's going to be my book. Athena?

1:19:23 Caller Yeah.

1:19:24 Rachel Harris Athena?

1:19:24 Adam You're 24?

1:19:26 Caller Yes.

1:19:26 Adam What's up?

1:19:28 Rachel Harris I was just wondering if being on the birth control for a prolonged period of time increases risk of breast cancer.

1:19:36 Drew Difficult question to answer, but the prevailing evidence suggests really no.

1:19:41 Rachel Harris Okay.

1:19:41 Drew Not meaningfully.

1:19:43 Adam Difficult answer though. Usually, you're just quick to answer.

1:19:46 Rachel Harris Because it's more of the hormones.

1:19:47 Drew She asked it the right way. She said prolonged birth control.

1:19:50 Adam Prolonged.

1:19:52 Drew And if you have some of the genetic heritage for breast cancer, yes, definitely should not be on it. If there's certain situations, you should be very careful with.

1:20:00 Rachel Harris Good to know.

1:20:01 Adam Really?

1:20:02 Rachel Harris I've been on the pill now for 10 years, and I had a lump removed from my right breast in February, and I've now found another one in my left breast.

1:20:13 Drew Lumps have nothing to do with breast cancer. Those are cysts. They do not mean you're at added risk.

1:20:17 Adam Really?

1:20:18 Caller Right.

1:20:19 Drew In fact, the birth control pill is a treatment for those lumps.

1:20:22 Rachel Harris Oh.

1:20:22 Adam Oh, really? All right.

1:20:23 Rachel Harris I gotta back off.

1:20:25 Adam You know who else who had lumps, Drew? Pete Puma. He'll go, eeeee. Drew loves Pete Puma.

1:20:34 Caller I take a whole lot of lumps. Bugs Bunny would hit him with like 10 lumps.

1:20:39 Adam There used to be good lump humor, you know?

1:20:41 Drew And then open his head. It was cute.

1:20:42 Adam Yeah, yeah. You'd ask for it. You'd have coffee. And so I say, how many lumps?

1:20:46 Drew Hit you on the head.

1:20:47 Adam And they hit you on the head.

1:20:47 Drew Great humor.

1:20:48 Rachel Harris And he'd bang those lumps down.

1:20:50 Drew Bang them down.

1:20:52 Caller Yeah, that's good. Athena?

1:20:56 Rachel Harris Yes.

1:20:57 Adam Remember Pete Puma?

1:20:58 Caller No.

1:20:59 Adam Died of testicular cancer.

1:21:00 Drew 20 years before you were born.

1:21:01 Caller All right.

1:21:03 Adam All right there, Athena.

1:21:05 Rachel Harris So lumps don't have anything to do with breast cancer.

1:21:07 Drew No, those are just cysts.

1:21:08 Rachel Harris So she doesn't need to freak out.

1:21:10 Drew No. Do you have breast cancer in your family?

1:21:12 Rachel Harris I don't know. My mom had some cysts from when I was younger, so probably about 10, 15 years ago, but that's really it.

1:21:18 Drew There's evidence of the pill will reduce your risk of ovarian cancer, reduce the risk of uterine pathology and pelvic inflammatory disease. So there are actually cancer reduction qualities to being on the pill at the same time. So it's weighing these things out.

1:21:30 Rachel Harris But it's based on your family history?

1:21:32 Drew Whether or not the breast cancer is your if you have the the BRCA genes and that all that stuff, you got to be careful.

1:21:38 Caller That take a whole lot of love. David.

1:21:43 Adam David.

1:21:44 Drew Sleep.

1:21:46 Adam It's been a hole for 110 minutes.

1:21:48 Drew Listen.

1:21:50 Rachel Harris See sleep.

1:21:51 Drew I could have sworn I heard some breathing.

1:21:53 Rachel Harris David.

1:21:54 Adam I didn't hear anything.

1:21:55 Drew No, I know you're right.

1:21:55 Adam All right.

1:21:57 Drew Should we do Germany or Florida?

1:21:58 Adam Yeah, let's play Germany or Florida. Here's how the game goes. And by the way, when we were talking about this last night, 60 minutes, or maybe I didn't see it until I got home.

1:22:06 Drew No.

1:22:06 Adam One of the stories in 60 minutes is just how effed up Florida is.

1:22:10 Drew Really? Interesting.

1:22:12 Adam 60 minutes last night, they talked to an author over there, wrote for the Herald or something, but it was just like all the degenerates that end up there and all the screw balls and all the wacky stories. You got your proximity to Cuba, you got your-

1:22:26 Drew So it's the people coming up.

1:22:27 Rachel Harris So it's the Cubans.

1:22:28 Adam You got some Cubans, and you got some riffraff in there, people of color.

1:22:31 Drew What else?

1:22:32 Adam You also have-

1:22:33 Drew You have good weather, attracts nutballs.

1:22:35 Adam But here's what you have, good weather, attracts nutballs. You have this, it's why OJ is there, which is you can-

1:22:41 Rachel Harris And you get the Miami Heat.

1:22:42 Adam People can't come after you and claim your property and stuff, so all the deadbeat dads and screw ups.

1:22:47 Caller Why not, people? Why?

1:22:48 Adam Well, they just have laws on the books over there that if you're OJ and you lose in civil court, and you own a house in Florida, they can't take your house. You own a house in Bel Air, they take your house. Wow.

1:23:01 Drew We got to move.

1:23:02 Adam So all the screw balls, well, wait, wait, wait till we stuff our wives.

1:23:06 Drew No, no, no, no, no. Get the kids out, get them college and move.

1:23:08 Adam And then we'll go there.

1:23:09 Rachel Harris That's crazy.

1:23:10 Adam I still want to stuff the wives. So the point is-

1:23:12 Drew Also we can have our game up there again?

1:23:14 Adam And yes. And the other thing about Florida I've just realized is everything is bigger and worse in Florida. Like it's like- Everyone gives that story like, oh, you think you've seen roaches?

1:23:23 Caller Oh no, you've never been to Boca Raton.

1:23:26 Adam Snakes, everything's poison. It's like-

1:23:28 Rachel Harris Hurricanes.

1:23:29 Drew And a lot of people aren't aware of Florida's history.

1:23:30 Adam Chipsuits are poison in Florida. Like rabbits are poison. There's nothing that's not poison over there.

1:23:36 Rachel Harris There's ants in the United States.

1:23:37 Drew I don't think where they focus it, but Florida's history is amongst the wildest in the entire United States.

1:23:41 Adam A lot of Indians shoot now.

1:23:42 Drew Oh, the horrible stuff that Andrew Jackson did down there to the Indians and stuff. Really bad. And the Spaniards, their really bad stuff went on for a couple centuries down there.

1:23:51 Adam Yeah, well, they're keeping, they have a rich tradition of like alcoholic F-ups over there and they're keeping it alive.

1:23:57 Drew Indeed.

1:23:58 Adam That's all. And it was funny that we've been talking about it for a number of years now and 60 minutes. Finally, Conron just did a story about how he left Florida. All right, so hold on. Justin.

1:24:08 Caller Yeah.

1:24:09 Adam You have a Germany or Florida for us? Yeah.

1:24:11 Caller I wanted to tell you though, the metal in the microwave is not going to happen.

1:24:17 Drew Because?

1:24:18 Caller When you put metal in a microwave, it creates a current. And that's what causes the spark.

1:24:25 Rachel Harris That's what I was talking about.

1:24:26 Drew All right.

1:24:26 Adam Well, let's see.

1:24:27 Drew Underneath for the underneath thing.

1:24:28 Adam Hold on. Hold on a second.

1:24:30 Rachel Harris Okay, what?

1:24:30 Adam Obviously, there are reasons why metal in the microwave is not going to work at this point. The same way we weren't able to reach the moon in the mid 60s.

1:24:39 Rachel Harris Oh dear, here we go. I feel a rant.

1:24:40 Adam It took some great people getting together, putting some time in, then putting some money in a little R&D and working it out. That's what I'm asking. I'm not asking that I stuff a ball of foil into my microwave and have it magically work.

1:24:52 Drew The electrons are free in the matrix of metal, though.

1:24:57 Adam Listen, Keanu, let me finish my thought. Believe me, if this was a military problem and it needed to work, they would make it work. They would overcome.

1:25:07 Caller It's like Viagra.

1:25:09 Adam They have satellites circling the globe right now that are beaming this or my voice across the country in parts unknown. We could work the microwave thing out. It's not that tall order. We need to focus. That's all I'm saying. All right.

1:25:24 Drew And you two, you two, I say nay, I say nay.

1:25:27 Adam You're enabling parents of a drug addict.

1:25:29 Drew I'm enabling naysayer.

1:25:31 Adam Oh, he's got a lot of pressure at school. Let him do a little coke every once in a while if it makes him feel better. Quiet. I'm the uncle. I know how to handle the boy.

1:25:39 Drew What, you're gonna give him some anal?

1:25:41 Caller No.

1:25:42 Rachel Harris Nice.

1:25:42 Caller No.

1:25:43 Drew That's the uncle thing.

1:25:44 Rachel Harris I like it.

1:25:44 Caller Oral.

1:25:45 Drew Oral.

1:25:45 Caller All right.

1:25:46 Adam Well, he's giving it to me. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back with a little Germany or Florida after this. Hey, buddy. Loveline. 12th Bloody Mary, how dare you.

1:26:20 Rachel Harris Loveline.

1:26:20 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Rachel Harris here tonight from Fat Actress on Monday nights at 10 o'clock.

1:26:29 Rachel Harris I love that little applause, it's so lovely.

1:26:32 Adam Showtime coming up, doing some shows, doing some interesting shows. They're making the move.

1:26:37 Rachel Harris Yeah.

1:26:38 Adam I think, I don't exactly know anything about ratings or any of that stuff, but it seemed like a couple years back, there was a big chasm between HBO and Showtime, and it seems like Showtime has been bridging that chasm over the past few years.

1:26:53 Rachel Harris Well, they're trying to, I think that's the thing, is that they're taking risks on edgier things a little bit. And Weeds is coming up, which is going to be great. It's Mary-Louise Parker, Kevin Neal, it's on that show. Very funny, Jenji Cohen is the executive producer and writer of that, really good job. Did this huge plug for Weeds and my show.

1:27:14 Adam Just saw commercial for it tonight.

1:27:16 Rachel Harris Mary-Louise Parker, very funny. Mary-Louise Parker, her husband, her husband dies and she's in the suburbs and she doesn't know how to support her family. And so she starts selling Weeds.

1:27:29 Drew Oh, nice.

1:27:30 Rachel Harris It's very great cast.

1:27:32 Adam Seems funny. Justin, you're 21. Is it supposed to be funny? The commercial looked like it was supposed to be funny, but they didn't show any clips. They just showed it. It looked kind of like American beauty kind of look.

1:27:49 Rachel Harris Yeah, no, it's supposed to be funny, but it's more like comedy, serial comedy.

1:27:53 Adam Right. That's what we do on this show.

1:27:55 Rachel Harris Yeah.

1:27:55 Adam We talk about abuse and I make a beat off joke.

1:27:58 Rachel Harris It's a dramedy.

1:28:00 Adam Hey, Justin.

1:28:01 Caller Yeah. All right.

1:28:02 Adam So you have a Germany or Florida for us? Yes, I do.

1:28:04 Caller Germany of Florida. Germany of Florida. Wow.

1:28:19 Adam David Allen Grish probably listening.

1:28:20 Rachel Harris That was nice.

1:28:21 Adam Will fire Drew off an angry email if he does not hear his lead in.

1:28:24 Rachel Harris I am so subtle tonight in comparison.

1:28:27 Drew Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

1:28:29 Adam No, you can't go bigger than Dave.

1:28:32 Rachel Harris What I say?

1:28:33 Caller What I say?

1:28:34 Drew What I say?

1:28:34 I got feelings for you. Can I prolapse your anus?

1:28:38 Rachel Harris Nice.

1:28:40 Adam As long as we're doing DAG, just do the love. Rach, I want you to know what making love to David Allen and Greer would be like.

1:28:46 Rachel Harris Do it. Do it. Do it. Please play it for me.

1:28:48 Caller Look at me.

1:28:49 Caller Don't look at me.

1:28:51 Caller I will give you something to smile about.

1:29:01 Adam Here's the real part. Falls right asleep. That's what it's like. And he's on top of her, too.

1:29:15 Caller She can't move.

1:29:19 Adam No, we actually put a, he has not a bit, we put a microphone in his bedroom. I don't know.

1:29:24 Caller That's what it does, yeah.

1:29:25 Rachel Harris It's hot, that's all I can say.

1:29:26 Adam It's a turn-on. It's a white, you're white, right?

1:29:29 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:29:30 Adam Okay, it's a white lady. That's a turn-on.

1:29:32 Rachel Harris So, that's your turn-on.

1:29:33 Adam All right, Justin, go ahead. Give us the start.

1:29:35 Caller All right. A zoo has scrapped its plans to break up homosexual penguin couples after gay rights groups protested against it. The zoo had noticed that three penguin couples turned out to be all male. In an attempt to encourage the penguins to reproduce, the zoo had flown in four female penguins. The plan was to introduce the female birds to the males, which would hopefully lead to reproducing. But the zoo abandoned its plans after gay rights groups protested against the experiment. The zoo's director said everyone can live here as they please. He also said it was never their intention to separate the couples by force, and even if it was their intention, it wouldn't be possible to make them be interested in the new feed-down commandment.

1:30:15 Adam I always love when you have to apologize to idiots in their asinine requests, like if you apologize to the gay groups about what you're doing with the penguins as the zookeeper. We meant no offense to the gay community.

1:30:30 Drew We can live however you wish.

1:30:31 Caller Yeah, just shut up.

1:30:32 Adam Get back to the job, would you? Because I gotta go gay. They got money, they got time, they got two seaters all the way. You know, I'm a sports car guy. They recycle. It's an awesome lifestyle. I know where this is out of. So I'm gonna abstain.

1:30:47 Drew Oh, I don't know.

1:30:48 Adam Now you think this happened in Germany or Florida?

1:30:50 Drew It sounds a little Germany to me. It sounds American in terms of the use of the legal system and the sort of strong army by writing letters and taking action. But the idea is so over the top, it puts it in Germany for me.

1:31:06 Adam Rachel?

1:31:07 Rachel Harris I don't know. It sounds very Republican to me.

1:31:11 Drew How many penguins are there?

1:31:12 Rachel Harris In a weird way. I would think it's like Florida. God forbid these penguins would be in love with...

1:31:19 Adam Well, I think they're trying to get them to mate, is what they're trying to do. But the people protesting doesn't sound Republican.

1:31:26 Rachel Harris Oh, I see. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I see what you're saying. Right.

1:31:29 Adam So you want to factor that in?

1:31:30 Rachel Harris Yeah, I might want to factor that in a little bit.

1:31:31 Drew And also, how many penguins are there in Florida?

1:31:34 Adam You'd be surprised.

1:31:35 Rachel Harris You're absolutely right.

1:31:36 Drew But there are a bunch of marine parks down there.

1:31:37 Rachel Harris Yeah, they would have the...

1:31:39 Adam Yeah, they got water parks or marine parks.

1:31:42 Rachel Harris The, right, the animal habitat.

1:31:43 Adam Here we go. We're gonna need this where the rubber meets the road. We're gonna need a decision. Germany. You want Germany or Germany?

1:31:48 Rachel Harris I'm just gonna go Florida, just for... Eagles.

1:31:51 Adam Oh, what?

1:31:51 Rachel Harris Can you say that? No, no, no.

1:31:54 Adam It was cute the way you dropped the S right there. Justin, it's the same showtime, sweetie.

1:32:05 Rachel Harris Sorry.

1:32:06 Caller Go ahead.

1:32:07 Adam You're 21. Give us the answer. Is it Germany or Florida?

1:32:11 Caller It was Germany.

1:32:12 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:32:13 Caller True.

1:32:14 Adam True, yeah.

1:32:15 Rachel Harris Dinky. You see that?

1:32:17 Adam Nailed it.

1:32:18 Rachel Harris Almost again. I said the S.

1:32:20 Adam That was a tough one, though. I got to say, that had a lot of different components to it.

1:32:24 Rachel Harris Not really. Come on.

1:32:26 Adam I don't know. I was surprised. It's a true one with Germany on that. I got to be honest with you.

1:32:30 Rachel Harris All right.

1:32:31 Adam But that's why we play the game. That's why we do it.

1:32:33 Drew Weird concepts are Germany. It's a weird idea to protest that.

1:32:38 Adam Yeah. I was watching a little animal planet or channel or something the other day. They had something on killer whales.

1:32:45 Rachel Harris Oh, really?

1:32:45 Adam The wolves of the sea.

1:32:48 Drew Not whales.

1:32:49 Adam They're not. No. And they did a thing about a sort of gay part of their ritual where the bull males get together and actually get an erections and they sort of rub on each other.

1:33:00 Drew Wait.

1:33:00 Rachel Harris These are whales with erections?

1:33:01 Adam These are killer whales.

1:33:02 Rachel Harris How big is it?

1:33:03 Rachel Harris Like, is it like 12?

1:33:04 Adam About a three-footer. Wow. And they're doing this thing, though, where it was sort of like...

1:33:08 Rachel Harris That's fantastic.

1:33:09 Adam They were explaining it in the sense of, well, we can't explain why they do this. And the guy, the thing had an erection and they're like, I was getting weird.

1:33:17 Rachel Harris Yeah, was it who did it?

1:33:19 Adam Come on, Shamu, come on, come on.

1:33:22 Rachel Harris You mean like weird, like excited? Or weird like...

1:33:25 Drew Like it shattered his childhood fantasy.

1:33:26 Rachel Harris Yeah, like, I can't look at this.

1:33:28 Adam Yeah, I was sort of confused. Like, I have to F and kill. That's sort of my take.

1:33:32 Drew Nice. That's a pretty good combo.

1:33:34 Adam I'll fill that blowhole. That's what I screened and my wife walked in while I was masturbating.

1:33:38 Drew Family guy tonight said he can't go back to Marineland for that reason.

1:33:42 Adam We will... Oh, really? Didn't even see it. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

1:34:08 Drew Loveline is brought to you by TNT. 40 games in 40 nights.

1:34:33 Adam Yeah, well that's it. Show's over. Fantabulous. Angie coming in here on Wednesday, and then next week, Seth MacFarlane, Alex Borstein from our favorite show. I want to thank Rachel Harris for coming in tonight. A perfect guest. You see, in part, the training pays off.

1:34:52 Drew Psychologically sophisticated.

1:34:54 Adam Fat actress, everyone. Monday nights.

1:34:56 Rachel Harris Can you say that again to my family?

1:34:57 Drew Fat, oh no.

1:34:59 Rachel Harris Nice.

1:34:59 Drew Do you want me to talk to your family?

1:35:01 Rachel Harris Yeah, would you?

1:35:02 Drew Would you pay her back for the thousands and thousands of dollars of therapy she had to spend because of you, please? Thank you.

1:35:07 Adam Thank you. Ten o'clock on Showtime. Fat actress, take a little extendo break. Until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:35:17 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station.

1:35:29 The producer for Loveline is Aningold.

1:35:32 Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, April 18, 2005